Homecoming
by Elizaellen
Summary: An alternative event story. Michaela and Sully meet as children and spend some time under the same roof. Even at a young age they realize they have a connection but their timing seems to be eternally off. Did they meet too soon or will love find a way?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Homecoming

Chapter One

New York, 1845

"Byron, your dinner is ready. Come here and eat."

"Comin, ma," he answered slowly making his way over to the small table in their one room apartment. He looked at his mother sitting on the other side of the table and smiled at what he saw. She was usually so sad but the past couple of days had been different. Instead of sitting aimlessly at the window and crying as she did most days, she had cleaned the apartment and had spent time playing with her son. They had gone on long walks in the park and down the busy city streets. She had held his hand as they looked in shop windows and chatted about what they would buy if money wasn't an issue. Of course money always was an issue- there was never enough of it but just for a little while they pretended and laughed as if they were carefree.

"Byron," she said softly as he looked up from his dinner plate "never forget how much I love ya, my sweet boy. Okay? Promise mama ya will never forget." Like any boy of ten, Byron hated it when his mother said things like this but he was glad she looked happy so he shook his head and smiled at her briefly. Then he quickly returned to his food. She continued to watch him as he ate. He was turning into a young man so fast. She couldn't believe how much he looked like his father. Just the thought of his father sent the familiar ache through her chest. How she missed him! Her heart grew heavy with her burdens and her face fell.

Byron noticed this as he glanced up from his dinner. He was afraid he had made her sad. He stood and walked over to her side of the table and wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Ma, I do love ya," Byron said as he hugged her tightly.

"I know, darlin', I know," she said her voice filled with sadness. Tears began to stream from her eyes.

"Ma, please don't cry. Ya've been so happy. Please mama, don't be sad. I love ya…" his voiced trailed off realizing once again that his words held no comfort for his mother. She wiped her tears and smiled up at him weakly. His eyes were full of sadness and concern. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore. She wanted to make these last days with him precious. She wanted his last thoughts of her to be filled with happiness. Once again she had messed up, but that was why he would be better off without her.

* * *

"Can I please go with you tomorrow, Father, please?" she begged while dancing from foot to foot. "I don't want to go shopping. I don't need any more dresses or shoes or gloves. Please Father I want to go with you to the hospital. I promise I will be so quiet you will not even know I am there."

Josef chuckled to himself, smiling at his daughter. "You mean my inquisitive daughter is actually going to remain silent for the whole day. I might have to take you with me just to witness this phenomenon."

"Father, I promise I won't make a sound as long as you say I can go," Michaela replied hoping against hope that her Father would agree. She knew her mother would return soon and then her chance to escape a day of shopping would be lost.

"Mike, I don't know. I would love for you to accompany me but I don't think your mother will be too happy with either of us, if I agree," Josef frowned as he said this. His heart went out to his daughter but after the hectic day he had just experienced he wasn't in the mood to have a fight with his wife. Michaela's face fell and she closed her eyes as she felt the tears building up behind her eyelids. She rarely cried but the thought of spending the whole day going from store to store with her mother and sisters was all too much for her. Josef watched his daughter. Perhaps this was more important to her than he had originally thought. He could tell she was struggling to hold back her tears and so he placed his hand on her shoulder and spoke gently to her. "Mike, I know you want to go with me tomorrow but your mother has already made plans. I know shopping isn't your favorite pastime but how about if I take you to the bookstore tomorrow when I return from the hospital. I will let you pick out anything you want." Michaela sighed and opened her eyes slowly as one small tear leaked out and ran down her cheek. She sniffed loudly as her nose was now running from her suppressed tears but still she did not speak nor meet her father's eyes. It was now Josef's turn to sigh. As much as he dreaded a fight with his wife, he knew he could not resist his daughter's tears. "Okay, Mike, I will talk to your mother but I can't promise that she is going to let you go."

"Oh, thank you, Father, thank you," Michaela said throwing her arms around her father and hugging him tightly. Josef smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her forehead. Just then the door opened and Elizabeth Quinn along with Marjorie and Maureen entered. Michaela let go of her father and stood guiltily to the side knowing that her mother would not like what was coming.

* * *

He opened his eyes but tried not to move. He heard his mother's sobs coming from the other side of the room. She had been so happy over the past couple of days. What had changed so suddenly that caused her sadness to return? If he thought it would have done any good, he would have gone to her and told her again how much he loved her but he knew from past experience that his presence would make little difference. The death of his father and brother still haunted her like it had happened yesterday.

He heard her moving around the room and quickly closed his eyes so she would not know he was awake. Stilling his breath he listened closely to hear her feet shuffling towards his cot. Suddenly the noise stopped and he felt a light kiss on his forehead. Then his mother whispered "I love ya, Bryon, never forget your ma loved ya." He felt the words as they escaped her mouth and a chill went through his entire body. The words were full of despair – despair so deep he couldn't understand it.

He heard her moving away from him. "Mama," he called sounding like a scared little boy. But he received no answer. "Mama," he called again this time more urgent. He heard her feet stop and then she must have walked back to his cot for he felt her hand upon his cheek stroking back his hair.

"Shush, go back to sleep. Ain't time for ya to get up" she said with the same despair in her voice. She sat down at his bedside and continued to stroke his cheek and hum softly. Byron lay still almost holding his breath. He knew she would continue until he was asleep but he was just as determined to remain awake. Something wasn't right- he could feel it. He was afraid that if he went to sleep something horrible would happen. Resolved to remain awake, he concentrated on steadying his breathing so that she would assume he was asleep. It must have worked because after a few minutes of her humming and stroking, she got up, kissed him again and moved off towards the door.

He felt a light breeze as the door opened. His breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded in his chest. He tried to cry out for her but no sound came from his mouth. He sat up in bed quickly as he heard the door close behind her. Where was she going? He knew at that second that his earlier fears were coming true. Something horrible was going to happen. In that instant, he knew he had to follow her. He struggled in the dark to find his clothes but at last his hands found the chair he had laid them on the night before. He quickly pulled his pants and shirt on, and then headed for the door where he had left his shoes. Time was of the essence and he feared it was already too late to follow his mother. Slipping first one foot and then the other into his boots, he quickly bent over and tied them. He opened the door and took off down the hallway hoping he was not too late.

* * *

Josef looked at his pocket watch by the dim light of the oil lamp. It read four-thirty. It was still early but he wanted to get Mike up and out before the rest of the family awoke for the day. He didn't have to be at the hospital until six but he knew Mike would enjoy stopping and having breakfast on the way. He silently moved through the hotel room he shared with his wife, being careful not to make any noise. Carefully, he opened the door to his daughter's room, waiting while his eyes adjusted to the dark. Mike slept on the cot in the corner while her sisters shared the bed in the middle of the room. How different she had always been from her sisters. He had always assured Elizabeth that it was just a stage she would outgrow. Now even he was beginning to doubt that was true. By age twelve, all of his girls had shown interest in dresses, dances and boys much to his dismay. But Michaela only cared about school, books and helping him at the hospital, not that he minded.

The moonlight shone down on Michaela's face as he approached and he smiled at the sight of his daughter. She was certainly beautiful and soon boys would be noticing her even if she cared little for them. He gently reached out his hand to shake her lightly. Her eyes fluttered open and she immediately smiled at her Father still giddy over the fact that she had managed to escape her mother and sisters for the day. Wordlessly she rose to get dressed, anticipating an adventure filled day at the large hospital in New York.

Her father exited the room quietly closing the door behind him. The only light left in the room came from the moon. That was fine with her. She had carefully laid out her dress the night before while listening to the angry whispers in her parent's room. Surprisingly her mother had not put up much of a fight over the shopping trip. She had simply shaken her head and muttered something under her breath. The angry whispers she had heard later on in the evening had to do with Michaela's future. Her mother was adamant that her daughter stop the foolish talk about becoming a doctor. She was angry with Josef for indulging Michaela's whims. Still ringing through Michaela's head were the words she had overheard last night. Her father's calm quiet words had been unintelligible but she had clearly heard her mother say, "I don't care if you take her with you tomorrow but things are going to change once we return to Boston." Michaela did not know what that statement meant but an uneasiness had already formed in her stomach. Yet she refused to let that ruin her day with her Father.

After slipping into her underclothes and dress, she made her way over to the mirror. It was too dark to really see anything so she hastily brushed through her hair and pulled it into a low bun. She smiled again thankful for her fathers' wisdom in getting out of the hotel room before her mother woke up. This day was turning out better than she could have imagined. She walked quietly to the door and slipped her feet into her shoes bending down to tie them. She grabbed her coat off the hook by the door before entering her parent's room. Her father stood at the window looking out into the city. He didn't hear Michaela enter but turned as he felt her hand on his arm. "Ready." she whispered reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek. He shook his head and motioned for her to head towards the door while he took care of the oil lamp.

* * *

Byron flew down the stairs and out the front door of the apartment building. His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to come out of his chest. He couldn't' imagine what his mother was doing. He looked left and right hoping for a glimpse of her but the night was so dark. Suddenly the moon appeared from behind a cloud casting an eerie light on the streets allowing him to catch a glimpse of her. She was running away towards the right. Byron took off after her. The night air was brisk and each breath he exhaled formed a cloud of steam. His feet felt like lead as he tried to catch up with his mother. What could she be doing? Where was she going? He had no answers but his gut told him that whatever was happening was not good.

Ahead, he glimpsed his mother turning off the street to the right. The river was in that direction. His mother liked the river. Sometimes she would go there to think. Perhaps that was all she was doing now. His side ached from running and he knew he needed to slow down for a second. He stopped, taking in huge gulps of air and trying hard to slow his breathing. Somewhere close by a clock chimed the hour. He counted the dongs – one, two, three, four, five. It wasn't really the middle of the night- just early morning. His mother probably just wanted to go clear her head before she started the day. Byron pondered what to do. Should he return to their apartment? He turned to head back the way he had come but the feeling that something was not right persisted. "I'll just see what she is doing," he said to himself feeling a little foolish for speaking the words out loud.

As he neared the river, the moon illuminated the scene before him. There she was kneeling on the small foot bridge. He knew she was praying and he felt foolish for having followed her. She crossed herself and stood looking out at the river. The night grew dark again as a cloud passed in front of the moon and his mother was obscured from his view. He did not see what happened next but he heard the splash and he knew.

* * *

Josef and Michaela walked the short distance from the place they had eaten breakfast to the hospital. "Now, Mike, you have to stay out of the way. I don't expect you to not speak but you will need to control your tongue today," Josef warned.

"Don't worry Father, you won't even know I am here," she replied. "Thank you for letting me come today. Thank you so much!"

"Mike, you really don't have to thank me. I like having you with me. Pretty soon, you will much prefer the company of others to that of your Father. I guess I should relish the time I have with you now." Michaela shook her head at her Father's suggestion. She could not imagine anything she would rather do than be at her Father's side helping in anyway she could. At night she dreamed of the day that she would become a doctor. Somehow she had to make that dream come true.

As they entered the hospital, the first thing Michaela noticed was a boy sitting in the chairs. He was soaking wet from his head to his feet. Michaela wondered where his parents were and she looked around but saw no one. While she had been preoccupied with thoughts of the boy, her father was whispering with another doctor. Then Josef went over and spoke with the nurse behind the desk.

Returning to Michaela he said, "Mike, I have to go look in on a patient. I need you to stay here in the waiting area. I have asked the nurse at the desk to keep an eye on you. If you need anything just ask her. No exploring until I get back – alright?"

"I promise I will stay right here," she replied grinning mischievously. Josef smiled back and suppressed a laugh before turning and disappearing behind the door at the other end of the room. Michaela turned back around and noticed that the boy was still by himself. He had his arms wrapped around himself and he was shivering. Michaela shook her head – this boy needed to get warm. She went over to the nurse at the desk. "Excuse me; do you think I could get a blanket for that little boy over there? He appears to be wet and cold." The nurse looked up at her and then at the boy.

"Just a second, sweetie," the nurse answered before disappearing behind the same door as her father. When she returned a second later she was carrying a rough wool blanket. "Here ya go, just make sure ya get it back."

"I will. Thank you." Michaela answered. She took the blanket and started over towards the boy. "Hello, I brought you a blanket because well you looked cold," she smiled as the words came tumbling out of her mouth. The boy finally looked at her. The first thing she noticed was that he was crying. Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks and his nose was dripping. The next thing she noticed was the color of his eyes. They were blue but not ordinary blue. They were the most brilliant blue she had ever seen. They reminded her of a picture she had once seen of the ocean in the tropics.

He reached out for the blanket and took it from her. Then he dropped his head and mumbled something that sounded like thank you as he unfolded the blanket and spread it over himself. Michaela pulled out her handkerchief and sat down beside him. "Here take this as well," she said slipping it into his hand. Their eyes met for a second time but this time neither turned away.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Homecoming

Chapter Two

Bellevue Hospital, New York, 1845

Her eyes were two different colors- one green and the other hazel – that wasthe first thing he noticed. They radiated such kindness that the first time he had looked into them he had been compelled to look away. It had been too much to bear at the moment. But now as he locked eyes with her for a second time, he felt almost as if he was drowning in that kindness. Time seemed to stand still while they stared at each other and the pain in his chest eased momentarily. Again, it became more than he could bear and he dropped his eyes to the handkerchief that now lay in his hand. Slowly everything came rushing back to him - his mother, the river, the splash and then her lifeless body that he had dragged to shore. Ignoring the girl at his side he drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He buried his head in the blanket now covering him, shutting his eyes tightly against reality. Maybe this was all a dream and soon he would wake up at home on his cot. Yet the pain that ripped through his chest told him it was all too real.

Michaela didn't know what to do. She could not tell if the boy was crying because he was hurt or for some other reason. He had turned away from her so suddenly that she was almost afraid to speak for fear he would run away. Tentatively she broke the silence, "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?"

Byron did not look up but managed to shake his head no. Michaela sighed and settled back into the chair, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. Her fingers played with the fabric of her dress and she tried to think of something to say. She wasn't used to boys crying, not that she had much experience with boys. The ones she did know were more intent on making girls cry. She had only seen her Father cry twice – once when a young girl had died in his care and once when he had read Michaela a book about slaves. Michaela decided to try again, "Can I get you anything?"

This time the boy acted as though he had not heard her question but his body began to shake even harder with his sobs. Now Michaela was really at a loss for what to do. She looked around but the room was deserted and the nurse at the desk was ignoring them. Gingerly she reached out her hand and placed it on his back and began to slowly rub it back and forth. She had never been particularly maternal so even this small gesture felt foreign to her. Her actions did not have the desired effect. Instead, the boy sobbed harder.

"It's okay," she said trying to soothe him. Michaela had never seen someone so distraught. She had no idea what to do. She stared at the door at the far end of the room hoping that at any second her father would appear. "Do you want to tell me what is wrong? Maybe I can help." Still she received no response but it did seem as though he had quieted a little. She continued rubbing his back and began to softly hum.

With his eyes closed tight, he could pretend that the hand on his back was his mother's. If he tried hard enough he could even pretend the strange song she was humming was really a familiar tune coming from his mother. Byron wished more than anything that his mother was holding him right now like she used to when he was little. Those had been happy times, full of laughter and joy. But that was only a memory. Now everything was different. In an instant, life had changed and he knew that it would never be the same again. In his desperation to be held, he lifted his head keeping his eyes firmly shut and turned towards Michaela. Byron then slid his head along her arm that rested on his back until his forehead reached her shoulder. Keeping his eyes closed tight, he turned his face into her neck snuggling against her.

Something inside of Michaela began to awake. She had felt pity for this little boy when she had first seen him. She had wanted to be kind- to try to help in some way. But she had been an observer, a bystander who simply watched the sadness. As Byron moved his head up her arm, his grief began to encompass her. Her stomach tightened and there was a dull ache in her chest. She realized that the stinging sensation at her eyes were her own tears threatening to fall. What was happening to her? She didn't even know why this boy was crying. Furthermore, she didn't even know this boy. None of that seemed to matter though. In one natural movement she wrapped both arms around the boy and began to rock back and forth. The realization came to her that this boy's troubles were too heavy for him to carry alone. At that moment, she wanted to carry them too just so his load would be less.

As the ache in his chest lessened Byron took a deep breath, expecting to inhale the scent of his mother. He gasped as her scent filled his nostrils. Never before had he smelled anything like her. There was a sweetness like the smell after a spring rain. Hungrily he breathed her in again and felt the ache in his stomach ease. First, her eyes had made him forget his sadness and now her smell was making him question why he was even crying. He felt her arms encircle him and he relaxed against her.

* * *

Josef stopped outside the door to the waiting room. What a way to start a morning- having to tell a son his mother had died. From what he had been told, she had actually killed herself. Apparently the child had witnessed the whole event and had pulled his mother out of the water. How horrible that must have been for her son. His heart went out to him and he felt tears began to build up in his eyes. He blinked rapidly and steeled himself as he placed his hand upon the door. If he couldn't control his own emotions what good would he be to this woman's son. He closed his eyes briefly asking for strength to face the challenge ahead of him. His hand closed over the doorknob as he opened his eyes.

He was not prepared for the sight that greeted him. At the far end of the room sat his daughter with her arms around the boy. The boy's head rested on her shoulder and they were gently rocking back and forth. Pride filled his heart as he witnessed his own daughter's compassion. He began to walk toward them but hesitated as he came near. Suddenly Josef felt like he was somehow intruding on a private moment. Michaela did not know this boy but the way she held him protectively against her spoke of familiarity and love. The way the boy's tear stained faced appeared so relaxed as he laid on her shoulder spoke of a comfort given only by a kindred spirit.

As a sob escaped his own daughter's mouth, Josef was awakened from histrance. Michaela was crying. No, not just crying- she was sobbing. Yet strangely, the boy was quiet. Gently he reached out and touched his daughter, "Michaela," he whispered as once again he felt like an interloper. Her eyes fluttered open as tears continued to fall down her cheeks. She smiled up at her Father feeling relieved that he had finally returned. She took comfort from his presence and knew he wouldbe able to comfort this boy.

"Father, I am so happy to see you," she said as she began to disentangle herself from Byron. Now it was Byron's turn to stir. Her words sounded far away like he was in a dream. He felt her warm arms let go of him. The knot returned to his stomach. The gentle rocking motion stopped. The dull ache returned to his chest. He opened his eyes and breathed in deeply. That sweet smell still lingered but as he moved his head it faded and the tears returned to his eyes.

* * *

Josef opened the door to the hotel room and stepped aside to allow Elizabeth to enter first. She glared at him as she walked past. He was starting to get used to it. She had been giving him the same angry looks since he had arrived at afternoon tea with the boy in tow. He knew what was coming but he was ready, more ready than he had ever been in his life. He followed her into the room and closed the door.

Elizabeth walked across the room to the window trying to compose herself. She needed to be rationale. She had to make Josef see that the situation was simply impossible. Though she felt like screaming at him, she knew that would accomplish nothing. She swallowed the anger that threatened to overtake her and turned to face him.

"Elizabeth, I know you are angry but please just hear me out," Joseph began.

"Certainly, Josef. I will hear you out. Please start at the beginning. Help me to understand why you have brought this boy here." Elizabeth's voice was icy calm but her eyes were still shooting daggers. She took a deep breath and sat down on the couch next to the window. She waited but silence continued to permeate the room.

Joseph shook his head and narrowed his eyes. "No, Elizabeth, I don't think you want to hear the whole story. You aren't really going to listen to me anyway. I can see it in your eyes. You have already made up your mind. Sometimes, Elizabeth I wonder just what it would take to crack through the ice around your heart." He sighed and sat down on the side of the bed thankful for the physical distance from his wife. He knew his last statement was not completely fair but he was trying to put her on the defensive and from the look on her face it had worked.

"I beg your pardon," Elizabeth began. "You have no right to say that to me. Just because I don't believe the sob story of some street urchin, doesn't make me unfeeling." Elizabeth paused. She had to get control of her anger. He knew what he was doing, purposefully pushing her buttons. She would not let him win this one.

"Elizabeth, he is hardly a street urchin," Josef replied with a touch of laughter in his voice. He was feeling pleased with himself already even though the fight had just begun. "He is an orphan."

"Yes, I agree and that is why he belongs in an orphanage," Elizabeth retorted, wishing she could slap the smirk off Josef's face. But she didn't need to for as soon as the word orphanage passed her lips Josef's face clouded over. She watched him as he struggled with some inner demon and her anger began to subside. Josef's heart was so big that he felt the world's pain. That was one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with him so many years ago.

"You weren't there, Elizabeth, you didn't see what that place was like. I couldn't let him stay there. He would have been eaten alive."

"There are other orphanages Josef. Places better suited to take in a boy of his character. How about that one Rebecca volunteers at from time to time back in Boston –I hear they have excellent facilities. Plus, if it would ease your mind we could provide some money for his care." Her voice was softer now- the anger had retreated for the moment.

"Yes, Elizabeth, there are many orphanages. But this boy needs so much more than any of them can provide right now. He lost his father before he even knew him. Just this morning he pulled his mother out of the Hudson River, only to find out it was too late." Josef voice became more agitated as he continued, "He is ten, Elizabeth. How can we turn him over to strangers?"

"Josef, we are strangers," Elizabeth replied. "You just met him this morning." Josef simply shook his head conceding the point. "Josef, this will completely disrupt our family. You realize this, don't you?" Yet even as the words left her lips something occurred to her. Josef needed this little boy as much as this little boy needed someone. He had always wanted a son, though he never complained after either daughter's birth. That was why he indulged Michaela the way he did. He treated her like the son he never had. A whole new world opened up to Elizabeth at that moment. If this boy, this Sully, was to take up residence with them, maybe Josef would take a more sensible line with Michaela. After all, the boy was only ten; he could still be shaped and refined. On the other hand, Michaela's boyish ways were attracting more and more attention every day. Yes, this could be a good thing –a very good thing.

* * *

Michaela stood on the platform, waiting to board the train to Boston. Her sisters sat on a nearby bench with her mother. Her father had taken Sully with him to purchase the family's train tickets. She still could not believe that her father had convinced her mother to let Sully come home with them. She smiled and turned a several circles around the platform. Byron Sully was going to be living at her house.

"What are you so giddy about?" Marjorie called rising from the bench and coming to stand beside her sister.

"I don't know. I guess I am just excited that Sully is going to be staying with us."

Marjorie dropped her voice so that their mother would not overhear. "Well, I think it is completely embarrassing. No one else in Beacon Hill would take in some street kid. He should go to an orphanage where he belongs. And what kind of name is Sully anyway," shehuffed.

"I think it is a great name, "Michaela said smiling. Only her and her father knew that his real first name was Byron. No one called him Byron except for his mother. And right now he didn't need to be reminded of her each time someone said his name. "Besides, Beacon Hill is boring, Marjorie. Having someone new around will make it fun."

"Clearly, you have not thought this through Michaela," Marjorie said in her best patronizing voice.

"Marjorie, what are you talking about?"

"You've always been Father's little favorite. Anything you want, you just run to Father. That is all about to change. You were supposed to be a boy Michaela. They hadn't even thought of a girl's name when you were born. Do you really still think you will be the favorite once there is a real boy in the house? Face it, Michaela you might be real good at playing the part of the son but that is all about to change. Even you are not better than having a real son."

Michaela glared at Marjorie. Her cheeks were flushed and her nostrils were flaring. She clenched her fists and wanted to hit her sister right then and there. Only her mother's presence restrained her. "You are just jealous Marjorie," Michaela said through gritted teeth trying to avoid a run in with Elizabeth.

"Oh, do you think so? I think you may be the one who is jealous pretty soon. I heard Father talking with Sully the other day. He is already making plans to enroll him in Boston Latin. Isn't that the school you wanted to attend?"

"Girls aren't allowed at Boston Latin," Michaela replied but the fire was gone. She had wanted to go to Boston Latin though she knew it wasn't possible. Her mother would never have allowed her to attend a public school even if girls had been allowed. Marjorie smirked at Michaela and pranced back to the bench. Was her sister right? Would she lose her father as her ally? Michaela's mind was working overtime now. It wasn't possible, was it? Was she about to be replaced?

She glanced up and saw her father walking back with Sully hand in hand. They were both smiling and laughing. Michaela's heart sank. Just a couple of days ago this would have been her. Marjorie was right -she was being replaced. She turned her head as her father and Sully stopped beside her. She could already feel the tears rising in her eyes.

"Mike," her father began, "are you okay?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders and lied, "I guess I am just sad to be leaving New York. " She kept her head down fearing that the tears would break thorough if she looked at either of them. This could not be happening to her. Her heart was suddenly overwhelmed with what seemed to be the inevitable. Just as she was about to give into the tears, she felt Sully take her hand in his.

"Don't be sad, Mike," Sully soothed. "New York breaks people's hearts. It ain't a good place, trust me." She looked up at him, his blue eyes holding her gaze. There was a trace of a faint smile on his lips.

"Sully, you aren't sad to leave your home?" she asked forgetting all about what Marjorie had said.

Sully continued to hold her gaze as he softly replied "This ain't my home, Mike. New York ain't my home." Michaela softly squeezed his hand before letting go. Seconds later her father stepped in between them and took each of their hands in one of his. He smiled down at both of them.

"Well, Mike, what do you say we show Sully our home."

"Yes, Father, let's show him," she replied glancing at her mother and sisters. She was now certain that she was not going to be replaced. She smiled feeling her giddiness from earlier return. Things were indeed going to be different. The sides had just evened up. It was no longer three against two but three against three. She hadn't lost her ally but gained one in Sully.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Chapter Three

Boston, December 1845

Michaela sat straight up in bed out of a dead sleep. Outside the rain poured down in torrents. Lightening lit up the sky outside her bedroom window. She counted as she waited to hear the thunder.. one one thousand, two one thousand three one thousand, four one thousand.. Boom! "The storm must have woken me," she thought. She laid back down on her pillow and closed her eyes hoping to fall back to sleep.

"No, mama, no, don' jump!"

Michaela's eyes flew open at the scream coming from the room next to her own. She knew now what had awakened her. It was the same words and the same scream she had heard every night Sully had stayed with them in their hotel room. The nightmares must have been terrible for he always woke drenched in sweat and shaking. Since returning to Boston a few weeks ago, the nightmares were more infrequent but they still came- always in the darkest part of the night. Usually her father would hear his screams and go to him. Sully screamed again and Michaela waited to hear her father's feet pass her door on the way to Sully's room. Then she remembered that her father had been called to the hospital right before they had gone up to bed for the evening. It was possible he wasn't back yet. She sat upright in bed contemplating what to do.

Sully's cries pierced the night again. "Mama, please, mama, don' leave me." Michaela hesitated no longer. She moved quickly across the room not even stopping to put her robe on over her nightgown. The floor was chilly on her bare feet but she hardly noticed. She quietly opened her bedroom door and tiptoed down the hall to Sully's room. Slowly she opened his door.

Another bolt of lightening split the night illuminating the room. Sully lay on his bed thrashing and moaning. Quickly Michaela went to him, placing a hand on each of his shoulders. She began to shake him and call "Sully, Sully, wake up, it's just a dream. Sully come on and wake up now!" Sully bolted upright in bed shaking.

"Josef?" a confused Sully asked.

"No, Sully it's me, Mike. Father is still at the hospital. I heard you dreaming. Are you….are you okay?" It didn't matter that there was not any light in the room. Michaela could feel Sully blushing. She hadn't meant to embarrass him. Neither said anything for a moment and Michaela removed her hands from Sully's shoulders.

Sully stared up at what he thought was Michaela's face. In the dark he couldn't really be sure. He felt bad that he had woken her with his dream but at the same time he remembered the way she had comforted him in the hospital and he needed that same comfort now. The darkness was oppressive. He was willing himself to speak but words were failing him at the moment. Lightening flashed again outside the window. His heart was still racing from his dream and he could feel the dampness on his cheeks. Thunder boomed in the distance startling both Michaela and Sully.

"Sully, what does father do when you wake up from a bad dream?" Michaela asked trying to think of something to ease his discomfort.

"He tells me a story," Sully replied.

Tentatively Michaela sat down on the edge of the bed. She could feel Sully move over making more room for her. "Do you know the story of Tristan?" she asked.

"Nah."

"A long time ago, " Michaela began,"when there were many kings and the land was plagued with war, there lived a king named Rivalen. His kingdom was small and in danger of attack by another King named Morgan. In order to save his people, he traveled to Cornwall to make an alliance with King Mark. Though neither could best Morgan alone, together they stood a chance. While Rivalen was dining at Mark's table his eyes spotted ayoung maiden. Her hair was gold like the sun and her eyes were as green as the new spring grass. She moved with such grace that his heart was immediately stirred by her beauty. He inquired of his seating companions who this woman might be. They told him 'Her name is Blanchefor. She is the king's sister.'" Michaela suddenly stopped doubting whether this was the kind of story a boy would like.

"Mike, why did ya stop?" Sully asked.

"Well, I …I wasn't sure. I mean is this story okay? I don't know if boys like to hear about.. I mean it's not really just about love…it's an adventure story but…well…" Michaela wasn't sure what else to say and she could not see Sully's face to gauge his reaction.

"I like the story," Sully quickly responded reaching out for her. In the darkness he fumbled for her hand finally grasping it in his own to reassure her. Her fingers were icy. "Here, get under the covers, you're freezin'." Michaela slipped her legs under the covers and lay down in the bed turning on her side to face in Sully's direction.

"The next day Rivalen saw Blanchefor in the garden," Michaela began the story again recounting the tale of Tristan's birth and life.

* * *

Josef opened the front door of his house and stepped inside, glad to be out of the cold night. The rain had stopped earlier for which Josef was glad. The cold made the carriage ride home bad enough without the added discomfort of rain. He removed his gloves and coat and started up the stairs. It was four in the morning and his head was heavy with lack of sleep. He quietly opened his bedroom door being careful not to wake Elizabeth. He slipped out of his clothes and into pajamas before settling under the sheets.

Josef closed his eyes reflecting on the morning's events. He had taken Sully to Boston Latin to enroll him. The boy had expressed apprehension about going to school before they had left New York. Because of this, Josef had given him a couple of weeks to get adjusted to life in the Quinn household before enrolling him. He had alreadyassessed Sully at home ensuring he could read and write. At Boston Latin they tested him and agreed that Sully was only slightly behind his age group. He was to start on Monday. Josef knew that this young boy was so full of potential and he really hoped that Sully would embrace this opportunity for education.

What worried Josef were Sully's nightmares. He could not get the boy to talk about what had happened the morning his mother had died. Yet almost every night the boy relived that morning in his dreams, sometimes two or three times a night. And every time Sully cried out, Josef would go to him and comfort him until he fell back to sleep. This was the first night Josef had been out of the house and he had worried that Sully would wake up all alone from one of those dreams. "Maybe I should go check on Sully," he thought to himself but the quiet of the house and his extreme fatigue changed his mind as he started to drift off to sleep.

* * *

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny though the air held December's chill. The only evidence of the previous night's storm was a few puddles scattered here and there on the cobblestone streets. Inside the Quinn house the day was just getting started. Elizabeth was up early preparing for Rebecca and Claudette's visit. Neither sister had yet to meet Sully. Elizabeth had agreed with Josef that it was best to wait before imposing the whole family on him. Her reasons for the delay weren't the same as Josef's reasons. She had wanted to cut the boys hair and get him some proper clothing - not to mention teaching him table manners and encouraging him to speak correctly before being introduced to anyone. The hair cut and clothing had made him look presentable. His table manners had improved somewhat, but unfortunately his speech would require much more work. That was fine for he rarely spoke to anyone but Josef or Michaela.

Elizabeth had let Josef sleep in after his late night at the hospital. Claudette and Rebecca's families were notdue until afternoon tea so he did not need to be up for awhile. Maureen was already up and dressed as she and her fiancé, Charles, had made plans to visit the art museum that morning. Marjorie had stayed the night at a friend's house but she would return by lunch. She had not seen Sully and Michaela yet that morning which was odd. Usually they were the first two up and about, asking to go outside to play or holing up in Josef's library if the weather was bad.

"Martha, would you please get Michaela and Sully up and dressed?" Elizabeth requested as she entered the kitchen. "I need you to go down to the store for a few last minute things and I can use Michaela's help down here. I also need to speak to Sully before the company arrives."

"Yes, mum," Martha replied with a small curtsey. She headed up the stairs to Michaela's room first. "Miss Michaela, time to rise and shine," called Martha as she opened Michaela's bedroom door. The room was empty. Martha stepped back out into the hall as Elizabeth crossed the foyer to the drawing room. "Mum, Michaela must already be up. Her room is empty," Martha called down the stairs.

"I'm sure she is in Josef's library with her nose buried in a book," Elizabeth replied. "I will check." Martha waited before going down to Sully's room. She knew that wherever Michaela was, Sully was most likely with her.

"Martha," Elizabeth's voice drifted up the stairs, "she is not in the library. Is Sully awake as well?"

"I'm just checking now, mum," Martha answered quickly making her way down the hall to young Sully's room. She knocked first but hearing no reply she entered. Asleep on the bed were both Sully and Michaela. Martha knew that Elizabeth would not like this and was quickly trying to think of a way to get Michaela out of the room without Elizabeth's knowledge. A gasp behind her caused Martha to turn around. Elizabeth had already made her way up the stairs and now stood in Sully's doorway her mouth hanging open.

In three steps, Elizabeth crossed the room and grabbed Michaela by the arm yanking her out of the bed. "Michaela Anne Quinn, explain yourself this instant!" Elizabeth yelled at her still drowsy daughter. Michaela awoke and looked around confusedly. Her knees hit the floor as her mother pulled her from the bed.

"Ow,' she complained looking up at her mother. Her mother's face was flushed and convulsing with fury.

"Get up, Michaela," her mother growled still holding fast to Michaela's upper arm.

"Mother, stop it, you are hurting me!" Michaela cried out on the verge of tears. She tried to wrench her arm away which only made Elizabeth strengthen her hold on her daughter.

All the commotion had woken Sully who sat up in bed startled by what was going on before him. As his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight pouring into the room, he first noticed Martha standing awkwardly beside the door staring across the room. He followed her gaze to see Elizabeth grasping Michaela's arm. Sully could tell Michaela was in pain from the way her face was contorted. He quickly slid out of bed trying to figure out what was happening.

This only made matters worse for now that Sully was out from under the covers Elizabeth could see that he was only half-dressed. He wore pajama bottoms with no shirt. Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath as she viewed his naked torso and let go of Michaela who stumbled backwards against the bed.

"Mother, what have I done wrong?" Michaela asked still confused about her mother's erratic behavior. She had finally managed to find her feet and was standing to the side of Elizabeth. In one quick motion, Elizabeth raised her hand and slapped Michaela across the face before grabbing her again and pulling her towards the door.

"Martha, we are going to mass. Have Sully dressed and downstairs in ten minutes and have Harrison ready the carriage for us," Elizabeth commanded as she pushed a stunned Michaela through the door. Mother and daughter disappeared from sight leaving a wide-eyed Sully staring at the door.

* * *

Sully stood by the front door dressed in a suit waiting to go to mass. He didn't understand why they were going on a Saturday. But that was not the only thing confusing him right now. As Martha had pushed him to wash up and dress quickly, he began to piece together what had transpired in his room a few moments before. Michaela must have fallen asleep in his bed last night and obviously Mrs. Quinn was not happy about it.

Michaela appeared at the top of the stairs by her self. Her eyes fixed on Sully and she mouthed the words "I'm sorry" before her mother appeared behind her. Surprisingly Michaela was not crying but her cheek was still red from the slap she had endured earlier. The silence was palpable as they descended the stairs and Sully instinctively knew that the worse was yet to come.

The short carriage ride to the church was conducted in silence. Elizabeth had seated Sully and Michaela on either side of her so that they could not even look at each other. When the carriage wheels finally stopped, Elizabeth spoke sharply to them "I cannot believe your behavior. Michaela you have not been raised like this. Sully you are a guest in our home and I will not have you disrespecting my family in this manner. We are going to mass and I expect both of you to remain on your knees the entire time repenting of your wickedness and asking God to have mercy on your souls."

"But mother," Michaela began but a single look from Elizabeth caused her to firmly clamp her mouth shut. The two children alighted from the carriage afraid to even glance at each other under Elizabeth's watchful eye. They followed her into the church and sat once again on either side of her. Michaela leaned down to lower the kneeling bench but Elizabeth stopped her.

"Dirty little girls don't get a padded bench, Michaela," Elizabeth whispered through clenched teeth, "they kneel on the floor." Quickly and quietly both Michaela and Sully knelt down and bowed their heads resting them on the pew in front of them. Sully was seething with anger. How could Elizabeth speak to Michaela like this? After all she had only wanted to help Sully. In that same moment, guilt replaced some ofhis anger. She had been helping him - if it wasn't for him she never would be in this mess.

* * *

Josef awoke around ten to a quiet, still house. He stretched lazily and smiled as he spied the sun out the bedroom window. He was looking forward to introducing Sully to his older daughters and their families today. Sully was really a very charming little boy. He had already captured Josef and Michaela's heart. Josef sincerely hoped that Elizabeth would open her heart to him as well. He needed a mother in his life just as much as he needed a father and possibly even more. Things had been progressing so well that Josef was truly optimistic about the future.

"The house really is quiet this morning" he thought to himself as he started to rise from the bed. Of course Sully and Michaela were probably outside on a gorgeous day like this. He dressed quickly and headed down the stairs. He looked first in the drawing room expecting to find Elizabeth inside but the room was empty. Next, he tried his library but that room was deserted as well. Just then the front door opened and Martha stepped in to the house.

"Good morning, Martha," Joseph began. "You don't happen to know where my wife is, do you?" he inquired.

"Yes, sir, she has taken the young ones to mass," Martha responded unsure how much information she should reveal about this morning's happenings.

"Mass?" Joseph questioned. "On Saturday? Why on earth would they go to mass today when we are going tomorrow?" Josef was perplexed. With company coming it wasn't like Elizabeth to be absent from the house. He looked up at Martha and realized how uncomfortable she looked standing there trying hard to avoid his eyes. "Martha, did something happen?" he inquired.

"Yes, sir," she answered still hesitant to reveal too much information.

"Go on, Martha, tell me what happened."

Martha dropped her eyes and began to speak in a very quiet voice. "Sir, when I went to wake up Miss Michaela this morning she wasn't in her bed." Martha stopped momentarily to work up the courage to say the next part.

Josef was losing his patience with the girl. "Well, where was she," he said with a touch of anger in his voice.

"Sleeping in Master Sully's bed," Martha answered meekly and then added "with Master Sully."

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Chapter Four

Boston, December 1845

Josef paced back and forth along the length of the foyer as he waited for Elizabeth to return home with the children. Every once in a while he would look out the window for the carriage. He knew mass was at ten which meant they wouldn't be home for at least thirty minutes but he continued to look anyway. Every time he looked at the clock it appeared to be moving slower so that at one point he actually questioned if it was keeping time at all.

"Maybe I should go down to the church," he thought to himself but he immediately dismissed the idea. There was no point in making the situation more public than it already was. He wasn't thinking rationally – he was just so angry. As he continued pacing, he rubbed his hands together trying to get a handle on his anger. He had always prided himself on his ability to control his temper but today this was proving impossible. Usually time was all he needed to calm down. Yet this morning, the more time that passed the angrier he became. His mind could think of nothing else.

Her behavior was inexcusable – completely totally inexcusable. He wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her. He wanted to scream at her "What is wrong with you!" Never would he have thought she was capable of something like this.

He glanced at the clock. "Martha is this clock working?" he yelled into the kitchen forgetting Martha had left for the store ten minutes before. When he received no reply he remembered and then cursed himself for having forgotten. The waiting was driving him crazy. Finally he headed off to his library hoping to distract himself with one of his medical journals.

* * *

Sully's feeling of guilt had only increased as he had kneeled in the church. He wanted to take full responsibility for the situation. After all if it wasn't for his nightmares none of this would have happened. Yet when he rose somewhat stiff after kneeling for an hour, he caught Michaela's eyes for the first time since she had descended the stairs that morning. There was no blame in those eyes only a deep sadness and a myriad of tears causing Sully's anger at Elizabeth to return twofold.

Michaela had been suppressing her tears all morning. She could not give Elizabeth the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Neither Sully nor her had been permitted by Elizabeth to take communion during mass. They were told to remain kneeling. As Elizabeth left them to go to the front of the church to receive communion, Michaela had looked up at the crucifix hanging above the altar. That was her undoing. The eyes of Jesus seemed to pierce her soul and though she truly had no idea what she was supposed to be repenting for she suddenly felt extremely guilty. Her tears began to flow unchecked so that by the time they had entered the carriage she was sobbing uncontrollably.

Elizabeth hated public displays of emotion and Michaela's tears only made her angrier. Once in the carriage she took the seat across from Michaela and Sully. "Michaela, stop your tears. They will gain you no sympathy from me." Michaela breathed in a shaky breath. She closed her eyes and dried her cheeks but the tears continued to slip from between her eyelids. She made no noise but her body shook with the sobs she suppressed in her throat. Elizabeth raised her hand to slap some sense into Michaela but just as she was brining it down, it met an impediment. She looked and there was Sully hanging onto her hand, his eyes boring into hers.

"Leave her alone," he shouted holding fast to Elizabeth's hand.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" Elizabeth retorted angrily pulling her hand away. As soon as she freed her hand from Sully's grasp she brought it down again but this time her target was Sully. The slap was hard, harder than she had intended. Sully barley winced and continued to stare at Elizabeth. He was more resolved than ever that he would not let her hurt Michaela again.

When the carriage finally stopped in front of the Quinn house, Sully was the first to rise quickly stepping in front of Elizabeth so that Michaela could exit first. Sully climbed out of the carriage backwards his eyes never leaving Elizabeth's. Her anger was palpable but he did not care.

As soon as Michaela's feet hit the ground she glanced up at the house to see her father standing at the door. She began to run to him but froze on the second step afraid. His face convulsed with fury. The one refuge she had counted on had quickly faded. Her heart seemed to stop beating and she was finding it hard to breathe. Her body felt cold all over like she would never be warm again. Sully had joined her on the stairs by this time but unlike Michaela he perceived that Josef's anger was not directed towards them but towards the carriage. He urged Michaela forward but she did not budge. He could hear Elizabeth coming nearer and he knew they needed to be out of reach. He grabbed Michaela's hands practically dragging her up the steps.

At the door, Josef bent down pulling Michaela into his arms and holding her tightly. He lifted her up and she lay like a little girl against his shoulder. He balanced her weight in one arm and with his free hand he took hold of Sully steering them into the house. They passed through the foyer and into Josef's library before he let go of either of them.

He placed Michaela down on a large leather chair and Sully came to stand near by. Josef got down on his knees in front of the two children taking hold of each of them he began, "Please tell me what happened."

At the sound of his voice, Michaela looked at her father seeing nothing but love shining in his eyes. She took a deep breathe and finally allowed herself to relax. She glanced over at Sully as both of them found it hard to actually put into words the events of the morning.

"I am not angry at either of you. Martha has already given me her version of the story. But I need to hear from you what happened before I talk to your mother."

Michaela took a deep breath and began, "Sully had a nightmare. I heard him and went to him because I knew you were still at the hospital. I told him a story to help him go back to sleep. It was the story of Tristan and…" Michaela hesitated for a moment still scared that the anger might return to Josef's face.

"and Isolde," Sully finished. "But we never got to the Isolde part 'cause we fell asleep."

"We didn't mean to, father, honestly," Michaela continued.

"I believe you," Josef said as he gave each of them a gentle squeeze. Michaela winced in pain as her father unknowingly applied pressure to her bruised arm. "Mike, did I hurt you?" Michaela dropped her head. She wanted to tell her father what her mother had done but it felt like she was tattling on her.

"Elizabeth, grabbed her there when she pulled her out of my bed this morning," Sully quickly filled in. Michaela smiled at him, relieved for his intervention. This emboldened Sully to continue. "When Mike tried to ask her what she'd done wrong- Elizabeth slapped her across the face. That's when she told us to get ready for church. She made us kneel for the whole service and wouldn't even let us use the kneeling bench." The words were coming fast now, each charge tumbling out. His anger rose as he recounted what Michaela had suffered. "And… and … she called Mike a dirty little girl!" Sully finished with such venom that Josef realized that this boy was just as angry at Elizabeth as he was.

"She also slapped Sully, father," Michaela quickly added. "She slapped him when he stopped her from slapping me again." As she said the last part, she realized that Sully had protected her even though he was just a child himself. Michaela's heart warmed and a feeling of gratitude stirred within her. Never had she had a true friend before but she was sure that right now she was staring him in the eyes.

If it was possible, Josef was even angrier. Martha had told him about the slap but Elizabeth's words to Michaela made him burn with indignation. His daughter had to be protected from her mother by a ten year old boy. The notion was ridiculous but Josef knew that both children had told him the truth. The way he felt at that moment he knew it would be hard to restrain himself when he talked to Elizabeth.

"You both know that you have nothing to be ashamed of, don't you?" Josef asked. When neither child responded, he continued, "Sully, you have been through something terrible. The nightmares you have are your body's way of handling the strain that you have been under. I want to be here when you have those nightmares to comfort you but I am glad that when I couldn't be here, Mike was here." Josef paused waiting for some kind of reaction.

Sully opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The realization that everything was okay, that he wasn't to blame was overwhelming. Suddenly something inside of him burst and he literally fell into Josef's arms as the tears started to fall.

Josef held Sully against him while he turned to Michaela. "Mike, what you did last night was the right thing. Choosing to comfort a friend is always the right thing. Your mother was wrong to jump to the conclusions that she did, she was wrong to say those things to you." With these words Michaela joined Sully as he leaned against Josef. Josef wrapped an arm around each of them feeling both their tears soak through his shirt. Then he felt his own tears begin to fall.

Eventually the tears stopped and they let go of each other. Josef smiled at them, "That's better. Now, I want you two to go on upstairs, wash your faces and change your clothes because I am taking you two out for lunch before our company gets here this afternoon." He took both children by the hand and walked them out of the library to the stairs. He watched them from the bottom of the stairs until they had both disappeared into their respective rooms then he turned readying himself for what was to come next.

* * *

Elizabeth had known that Josef wouldn't see eye to eye with her about the whole incident but she had not cared. The plans she had made to take Michaela in hand were not going as intended. Sully's arrival had backfired on her. If anything, Michaela was harder to control now than before. For two weeks, she had sat back and watched as Michaela spent every spare moment with Sully. Elizabeth's plans to finally turn Michaela into a young lady were quickly going down the drain. The incident this morning had been the last straw. She wanted Sully gone from their lives and somehow she was going to make that happen.

When Josef took the children away, she was angry but she did not intrude on them. Instead she went upstairs to change clothes, always the stickler for routine. After changing, she headed back downstairs stopping just outside the library door. She leaned her head carefully against the door trying to hear what was being said inside. The only voice she heard was Josef's and she couldn't quite make out the words but the tone was soothing. She backed away from the door and entered the drawing room preparing herself for the fight she was sure was going to ensue. She heard the library door open and then she heard feet on the stairs. Elizabeth walked to the door of the drawing room just as Josef turned. He looked at her and shook his head.

"I know you don't agree," Elizabeth began.

But Josef cut her off "My god, Elizabeth what have you done?" He looked at her in disgust. Did he even know this woman anymore?

"What have I done? What have you done? Bringing that boy under our roof- we don't even know anything about him or his family. Letting Michaela run all over God's creation with him. Then finding them this morning in bed together," she finished her voice full of disgust.

"What do you think they were doing in bed together, Elizabeth?" Josef almost chuckled as he said this. "They are children!"

"We don't know his background Josef. For all we know, his mother was a prostitute."

Rage continued to throb inside of Josef. "She was not a prostitute."

"It doesn't matter Josef. I have put up with all this for far too long. But it is all going to change. I will raise Michaela to be a proper young lady if it kills me. That boy is going to have to go."

"Stop it! You will not tell me what to do, Elizabeth. I have never once since we have been married ordered you around or told you how I wanted things done. I have always liked our partnership. I have admired your stubbornness and I have even loved you for it. But today I am drawing a line- and God help me Elizabeth if you step over it, I will divorce you and think nothing of it. You will never ever again physically lay a hand on our daughter or on Sully. You will never again speak to our daughter like you did today. You will in fact apologize to our daughter for your earlier comments. That boy's name is Sully and he is not leaving this house. And for another thing, I will do whatever it takes to help Michaela become a doctor. I will move heaven and earth to make that happen so don't even try to stop her. I hope I have made myself clear."

Elizabeth stood with her mouth hanging open. Never had Josef spoken to her like this. Had he actually said he would divorce her? Had he actually ordered her to apologize to Michaela? She walked past him refusing to even look him in the eye and started up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I believe I was commanded to apologize to my daughter and then I plan to go to bed because I have a headache," she answered without turning to look back.

"We have company coming this afternoon," Josef reminded her.

"Please inform them that I am sick and need some rest. They will understand." Again, delivered in the same monotone voice.

"Fine," Josef replied, knowing that he had not heard the last word from Elizabeth.

* * *

True to her word, Elizabeth did not emerge from her bedroom for the rest of the day. The afternoon and evening were unremarkable. No one besides Rebecca really paid much attention to Sully which was fine with him. Both Rebecca and Claudette were wise enough to know something had transpired in the house that morning and that Elizabeth's headaches were just an excuse to be absent.

After all the company had left and everyone had retired for the evening, Michaela quietly snuck down the hall from her room to Sully's. She knew she was taking a risk but she was smart enough this time not to get caught. Light still came from the crack under Sully's door so Michaela leaned her head against it to listen for voices within. Hearing none she knocked lightly and within seconds Sully had opened the door to her. Sully was surprised to see her.

"Can I come in for a second? I won't stay long, I promise." Michaela said smiling. Sully waved her in and closed the door behind her.

"I just wanted to say thank you for sticking up for me today with my mother," Michaela said smiling. "Besides my father, no one has ever really stood up for me like that."

Sully was slightly embarrassed and said quietly "You're welcome."

"Sully, I know you aren't really my brother but well I'd like you to be so I was thinking maybe we could pretend that you were my brother and I was your sister?" Michaela asked as her own cheeks started to blush.

"Mike, I ain't got no family left and well, I ain't real sure I want more."

Michaela's face dropped. This wasn't quite going as she had planned. When she had rehearsed it in her mind, Sully had been overjoyed to hear she wanted him as her brother. "Oh, well, that's fine. Umm.. good night," she said quickly. She reached for the door but Sully put his hand out stopping her.

Sully realized that he had hurt her with those words which had not been his intention so he tried to explain. "My pa, he died 'for I can even remember and my older brother died two years ago. And well ya know about my ma. My family is all gone- maybe like we got a curse or somethin'. That's whys I don't want ya to be my sister- not even for pretend. But I'd sure like it if you'd be my friend- my best friend," Sully finished.

"I would love to be your best friend, Sully," she answered throwing her arms around his neck. Sully wrapped his arms around her, deeply inhaling the smell of her hair and relaxing into her embrace. He didn't know how it happened but when he was with Michaela he felt safe, safer than he had ever felt before. They broke apart both smiling.

"Good night," Michaela said as she opened the door.

"Night," Sully returned closing the door behind her.

Michaela stood in the hall for a moment allowing the happiness she was feeling in her heart to wash over her whole body. She practically skipped back to her room quietly closing the door behind her. She was all smiles as she jumped into bed. As she lay there drifting off to sleep it occurred to her that what had begun as one of the worst days of her life had become one of the best days. She closed her eyes knowing her dreams would be sweet.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

"What is she to you?" she suddenly asked. He couldn't read the look on her face – was it anger or sadness.

"She's my friend," he simply replied.

"Just your friend?"

"My best friend."

"I thought I was that," she whispered dropping her eyes to the floor.

"What do you want me to say? That I'll never write her again, that I'll never see her again?"

"Is she pretty?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" he replied.

"Please just tell me."

"Yes, she is beautiful."

She considered that for a moment before asking another more important question "Do you love her?"

"I don't know how to answer that."

"Yes or no, will do."

"But it ain'tthat simple. Yeah, I love her."

"Are you in love with her?"

"I have been in love with her but it don't matter now –least not in the way you think."

"Just be honest with me, Sully. That's all I want – that's all I ever wanted." She moved closer to him as she said this but Sully turned away.

"I've always tried to be honest with you but you keep believin' your goin' to change me. 'Sides I'm here with you, isn't that what is important?"

She didn't answer him with words. Instead she went to him and pressed herself into his arms. She knew he was here with her but she wanted to be inside his heart as well.

He pulled her close closing his eyes and burying his head in her hair but there was a hollow feeling as his heart remembered how safe he had once felt in someone else's arms.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Five**

**May, 1846**

Boston Common was lush and green with the newness of spring still in the air. Sully and Michaela were splayed out on the grass each reading their own book, just content to be out of the house enjoying the warm weather. Sully looked up from his book to where Michaela lay. She hadn't moved in the last hour and would probably remain in the same spot for another hour. Sully needed to stretch and walk around. He jumped up throwing his book over next to Michaela.

"Where are you going?" she asked looking up from her book.

"Just stretching. Wanna come?" Sully asked.

"Maybe in a little while; I want to finish this chapter," Michaela replied turning her attention back to the book in front of her.

Sully walked over towards the small frog pond thinking about the first time he had been to Boston Common. It all seemed so long ago now. True he had only come to Boston six months ago but it was hard to remember his life before. Sometimes when Sully first woke in the morning he would lay with his eyes closed, afraid that if he opened them he would realize it had all been a dream. And truly Sully didn't know if he could even dream something this good- a father who loved him, a room of his own, plenty of food, no need to worry about money and a best friend with whom he could share anything. The nightmares had come less and less as time passed and even though he still had the occasional bad dream it was nothing like before.

He had attended a public school in New York but it was nothing like Boston Latin. It had been hard at first and Sully had struggled especially with his writing. But Michaela had been there every day after school willing to tutor him and edit his writing. The boys at school hadn't been too friendly to him and often made fun of the way he talked. This didn't bother Sully much. He was naturally a quiet person and always had been a bit of a loner. When forced to speak in class he would reply briefly concentrating on every word to try to speak correctly. It didn't bother him that the boys weren't friendly with him either; he had all the friends he needed in Michaela. Their loyalty to each other was fierce and they both longed for the afternoons spent in each other's company.

Elizabeth had never really taken to Sully. He knew in his heart that she still wished he had never come to live with them but at some point she had accepted it as a necessary evil. Usually Sully was ignored by heraswell as Maureen and Marjorie, which Michaela said was a blessing. The bed incident was never brought up again and as far as Sully and Michaela were concerned, it was the past. Still Sully secretly wished that Elizabeth would be like a ma to him though he knew that was an impossible dream.

He smiled to himself as he thought about how much his life had changed in the past year. He turned when he heard footsteps behind himto see Michaela walking towards him, both books in hand.

"Wanna go fora walk?" Sully asked. Michaela nodded but Sully noticed she seemed distracted. Sully took the books from her and they walked towards the trees at the other end of the Common. Sully waited for Michaela to start a conversation and when she didn't, he knew something was wrong. "Do ya wanna talk 'bout it?" he asked turning around and walking backwards in front of her.

"About what?"

"Whatever is botherin' ya?"

"There is nothing bothering me." Michaela snapped.

Sully smiled at her and turned back around to face forwards. "Is to," was all he said. They continued there slow but steady pace until they reached the trees. Michaela sat down in the shade of a giant oak and Sully joined her. They both leaned their backs against the trunk. Michaela sighed.

"Why doncha just tell me?" Sully tried again.

"Do you think I act like a boy?" Michaela suddenly asked.

"Nah," Sully replied. "Why?"

"Do you think I look like a boy?" Michaela rattled off not even really hearing Sully's answer.

Now Sully laughed. Michaela didn't find the question funny and started to get upset. "Sully, I am being serious. Oh never mind, why did I think I could have this conversation with you," she started to get up.

"Mike, calm down, ya don't look like a boy," Sully quickly replied as he realized his earlier mistake. "I only laughed 'cause well,why would somone think ya looked like a boy."

Michaela sat back down but didn't say anything for a few minutes. Sully decided his safest course of action was just to remain silent.

Finally Michaela broke the silence, "Sully?"

"Yeah."

"I want to ask you something because you are a boy."

"Thanks for noticin'," Sully again tried to lighten the tension.

Michaela ignored his comment and continued, "Am I someone that would interest boys?"

"Whadda ya mean?" Sully looked at her confused.

"Well, in a boy girl kind of way. I mean would a boy you know want to…" Michaela trailed off blushing.

"Wanna what?" Sully was even more confused.

"You know - kiss me."

"Hey, where is all this comin' from?" Sully asked afraid to answer Michaela's last question.

"I caught Marjorie kissing a boy the other day. She thought I was going to tell on her so she said all this stuff to me."

"Like what?"

"Well, that I was just jealous of her. She said no boy would ever want to kiss me because it would be like kissing another boy."

"Ya know better than to listen to ya sister," Sully reprimanded her.

"I know but well all the girls in school are talking about it too. I mean about kissing and courting and such. I guess I just wonder what it's like."

"What what is like?" Sully was still having trouble following Michaela.

"Kissing!" Michaela said clearly frustrated with Sully.

"Oh.."

"Have you ever kissed someone Sully?"

"Ya mean a girl?"

"Well, I don't mean a horse," Michaela retorted.

"Sort of."

"Sort of? What does that mean?"

"It means I sort of kissed a girl."

"But you are only eleven."

"So?"

"So I am never going to get kissed. I mean I'll probably be twenty five before I get my first kiss."

"I'll kiss ya if ya want, " Sully said nonchalantly.

'What? No! No." Michaela looked up at the sky. Sully shrugged as if to say oh well. A few minutes passed and finally Michalea asked "How do you do it?"

"What? Kissin'?"

"Yes."

"You just put your lips together."

"I don't think that is all. I mean that isn't all Marjorie and that boy were doing. What did you do when you sort of kissed that girl?"

"I put my lips together and aimed for her lips but she moved so I ended up kissin' her chin."

"Well, I guess it would by okay."

"What would be okay?" Sully was confused again.

"If you kissed me. I mean it's not like we are brother and sister- we are just friends. And as my best friend I know you won't tell anyone," she hesitated waiting for Sully to say something. "Sully I just want to know what it feels like. I don't even know why I want to know."

"'Cause ya got to know everything," Sully said looking at her. "Come on let's go behind the tree."

"Why?"

"Ya want me to kiss ya right here in front of everyone?"

"Oh.. right, we'll go behind the tree." Michaela got up and followed Sully behind the tree. "What do I do?"

"Just close your eyes and keep your lips together." Michaela did. Sully kept his eyes open. He wasn't taking any chances that Michaela would move – he puckered his lips and brought them in towards hers. Quickly he gave her a light peck on the lips and then pulled back. Michaela opened her eyes and looked at him. Sully waited but she didn't say anything. "Well?"

"That was fine. I mean it was what I expected. You?"

"Yeah, it was fine."

"You aren't going to tell anyone are you?"

"Who am I goin' to tell Mike? You are the only one I talk to besides your pa. And I don't think I'm gonna be tellin' him."

"Right. Come on, we better get home."

"Wanna race?" Sully asked readying himself to take off running.

"You're on," Michaela said as she hitched up her skirt and took off across the Common in the direction of Beacon Hill.

* * *

Back at the house, Elizabeth sat at her desk in the morning room. Before her were letters and information from a dozen boarding schools. She separated them into two piles – one for girls and one for boys. She didn't necessarily want to send Michaela away to school but if that is what it took to get her away from Sully she would do it. She fingered the letters again trying to figure out a way to convince Josef that Sully should go to boarding school. Michaela had become practically wild since Sully's arrival. She spent every afternoon with him either in Josef's library or down on the Common. As soon as she arrived home from school she would undo her hair letting it run wild down her back. Her skin had tanned from so much time spent outdoors under a bright spring sun. She hadn't showed one iota of interest in Maureen's upcoming wedding. Yes, something definitely had to be done. 

Elizabeth was still shocked at Josef's anger after the bed incident. At the time, she decided two could play that game. If he wanted to throw around the divorce word then she wouldn't let him into her bed at night. That had not mattered though. For a week following their fight he had slept each night in the guest room. That is when she knew she would have to change tactics. She knew she had to be patient. Josef had to believe she only had the children's best interest at heart and with the start of summer break, she was sure this was the perfect time to approach him.

She heard the front door open. Quickly she placed the letters in the top drawer on her desk and locked it. She rose and went to the foyer expecting to seeSully and Michaela, but Josef was there instead.

"Hello dear," she greeted him. "You're home early today."

"Yes, I have a surprise for Sully and Michaela. Where are they?"

"They went down to the Common but they should be back soon." Just as the words came out of Elizabeth's mouth, the door opened and a breathless Sully and Michaela ran in.

"I won," Michaela claimed as she gasped for breath..

"Yeah, 'cause you cheated," Sully replied. Both of them suddenly froze as they realized they weren't alone. Elizabeth shook her head at her daughter's boyish behavior but she held her tongue and tried to smile. Michaela's eyes were still wide awaiting her mother's comments but Josef quickly diffused the situation.

"I am glad you two are here. I have a surprise for you." Josef said as he leaned over to hug Sully and then Michaela.

"A surprise?" questioned Michaela. "What is it?"

"Come now, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you." Josef replied with a twinkle in his eye. He took each of their hands in his and turned to Elizabeth. "We will be back before dinner dear," he said before pulling the children out of the door.

* * *

The surprise turned out to be a special art exhibit of pictures from all over the United States. Michaela and Sully had each walked wide eyed around the rooms taking in each picture. Sully had stood forever in front of the pictures of the territories out west while Michaela had been intrigued by the pictures of New Orleans. Josef noticed her staring at a picture of a group of girls who were scantily clothed knowing Elizabeth would die if she knew Michaela was looking at a picture like this. 

"Father, why aren't those girls wearing more clothes?" Michaela finally asked.

"Honey, they are dancing girls," her Father replied. "They entertain gentlemen for money," Josef answered.

Michaela blushed. "Why do they do that, father?" she asked.

"I don't exactly know, Mike. I guess many of them simply get trapped into that life." Josef leaned in to whisper to her. "Sometimes girls make mistakes when they are younger. They allow boys to do improper things without being married. And well sometimes that leads to this kind of lifestyle," Josef finished. He knew Elizabeth would not approve but he had always believed in being honest with his children.

Michaela nodded and walked off to look at other pictures but her mind was still on what her father had said. She had let Sully kiss her in the park this afternoon- no actually she had asked Sully to kiss her. Was she going to end up like one of the dancing girls? What must Sully think of her? She glanced over at him but he was still staring at some picture of Indians. She wished she could just go back and erase the whole afternoon. Why did she have to be so curious about everything?

Soon it was time to go home and Josef and the children climbed into the carriage and set out for Beacon Hill as the last rays of the sun descended below the horizon.

* * *

That night as she lay in bed, Michaela could think of little else than what had happened at the park. She needed to talk to Sully but going to his room was rather risky. She weighed her options in her head but knowing she would get no sleep until the matter was settled, she decided to take the risk. Slowly she crept down the hall and knocked lightly on his door. The light was out- maybe he was already asleep. She heard his feet walking across the floor and then he opened the door to her. 

"Mike, what are ya doin'?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry… I just need to talk to you."

"Okay, come in." He shut the door and moved over to light the lamp.

"No, leave it unlit. I don't want to attract attention." Sully shrugged and then went over to sit on the bed bringing a blanket around his shoulders. Michaela stood awkwardly in the middle of the room trying to figure out how to begin.

"Mike, what is it?" Sully asked now becoming worried at her behavior.

"I.. I don't want to be a dancing girl," she suddenly cried out a lot louder than she intended.

"Shh," Sully shushed her. "Ya gonna wake the whole house," he whispered. "What are ya talkin' about?"

"This afternoon at the park when I asked you to kiss me. I shouldn't have. It was wrong. I..."

"Mike, you didn't ask me to kiss you. I offered, remember."

"Oh, right," Mike replied. She suddenly felt foolish for bothering Sully. Obviously he hadn't given the afternoon another thought. She turned and walked towards the door. "Sorry, I bothered you," she whispered loudly. "Good night."

"Wait, Mike," Sully whispered rising from the bed. "Do ya wish I hadn't kissed ya?"

"No, it's not that. I just don't want you to think I am well.. You know improper."

"I don't think ya improper," Sully smiled at her in the dark. "Ya just got to know about everythin'. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. Besides, I liked kisssin' ya."

If it was possible, Michaela blushed even a deeper red. "You did?"

"Yeah, your lips are real soft but I don't think your ma and pa would like us kissin' so maybe we shouldn't do it again."

"Yes that is what I was thinking." She started towards the door again but suddenly ran back and threw her arms around Sully, hugging him tightly. "Thank you," she whispered then crossed back to the door.

* * *

**Boston, 1853**

"So have ya ever been kissed before?"

"Just once," she said feeling her cheeks warm.

"Really, I am surprised," he said trying to sound like a proper Bostonian.

"Yes and he told me I had soft lips," she returned blushing even from the playful banter. "But it wasn't a grown up kind of kiss."

"A grown up kind of kiss?" he raised his eyebrows. "Are ya stayin' the most beautiful girl in Boston has never been properly kissed?" She merely nodded at him as the smile on her lips grew even bigger. "I'd be happy to help you out with that," he said smiling at her.

"I bet you would," she replied.

Before she realized what was happening, his hands found her waist and he slowly pulled her to himself. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest as she moved closer to him. Her scent was intoxicating. She took a deep breath andplaced her hands around his neck,smiling up at him. Tentatively he moved closer as she closed her eyes. There was no turning back. He pressed his lips against hers and then slowly opened his mouth and ran his tongue along her bottom lip. She gasped but opened her mouth to him. She was afraid of all that was happening but as his tongue found hers, she pulled him closer clinging to him as he hungrily kissed her again and again. Slowly, he began to pull back placing light kisses on the sides of her mouth. He smiled down at her and raised one of his hands to her mouth, lightly tracing her kiss swollen lips with his thumb.

"By the way, your lips are still real soft," he whispered to her.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Six**

**Boston, June 1846**

The day of Maureen's wedding had finally arrived. The sky was overcast and seemed to threaten rain. Maureen's voice drifted in through the open window complaining about how the weather was ruining her wedding day. Michaela sat in front of her vanity with Martha doing her hair. She felt like she had been sitting there for hours and she wished for the thousandth time that day that she wasn't in the wedding at all. She hadn't asked to be in the wedding. In fact if it hadn't been for her mother's insistence, Maureen would have eliminated her from the bridal party altogether. Michaela would have preferred to be one of the guests, sitting with Sully and sharing jokes about the wedding craziness.

"Miss Michaela, this would go a lot faster if you would please sit still," Martha reprimanded.

"Sorry, Martha," Michaela said genuinely feeling bad for making Martha's job harder.

Unexpectedly there came a knock at the door. Michaela quickly turned to get up causing Martha to lose the hair she had been trying to pin in place.

"I'll get it. Just sit still!" Martha commanded. Martha crossed to the door and opened it to find Sully dressed and ready for the day. She was taken back for a moment at the handsome young man that stood before her. He had shot up in the last seven months since coming to live with them. On most boys his age the new height made them appear awkward but not so on Sully. His hair had a little length on it which suited him well and the new suit fit him nicely. "Well, Master Sully, you sure look handsome today."

"Thanks, Martha," Sully replied somewhat embarrassed. "Can I come in or is Mike still not ready?"

"You can come in but only if Miss Michaela promises to sit still," she called over her shoulder.

"I promise," Michaela responded. Sully followed Martha into the room and took a seat on the bed. Michaela's back was to him but he could see her face in the vanity mirror.

"Ready for the weddin'?" he asked knowing she was dreading it.

"No! I have decided weddings are too much work. IfI ever get married, I'm just going to elope."

"Now, Miss Michaela, you might change your mind about that one," Martha said smiling at the young girl's remarks.

"I hope not. I think all this fuss is silly. Don't you Sully?"

"I guess. I figure guys don't really care. All the fuss is just to make the girl happy." Sully answered smiling at Michaela in the mirror.Again, Maureen's voice floated in through the open windowas she started a tirade about her hair.

"Someone should tell my sister that she is supposed to be happy," Michaela commented as she doubled over in laughter. Sully joined her while Martha cast a disapproving eye at both of them.

"Today is your sister's day. You better be on best behavior," Martha warned.

"We will," Michaela replied. "I even taught Sully how to dance."

"Is that right?" said Martha. "Well, I guess young Master Sully is going to catch the eye of all the young ladies today; seeing that he is looking so handsome and can dance as well." Sully's face turned crimson. He hastily reached over and picked up the book on Michaela's bed stand to occupy himself. "Well, Miss Michaela you're all done," Martha proclaimed as she placed the last pin in Michaela's hair. Michaela stood and brushed the newly formed wrinkles out of her blue satin bridesmaid dress.

"How do I look?" she asked as she stepped in front of Sully. He raised his head from the book and smiled.

"Real pretty," he replied. He stood, bowed slightly and offered her his hand. In his most formal voice he said, "Miss Michaela would you do me the honor of accompanyin' me downstairs to the carriage?"

Michaela rapidly blinked her eyes and pretended to be surprised. "Why, Master Sully, I am surprised you would even notice me. I would love for you to escort me to the carriage." She linked her arm in his and they exited the room to Martha's laughter. Martha shook her head – those two certainly made a pair.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

"Ya said 'Weddings are just a bunch of silly fuss.'" he reminded her. She smiled and squinted up her eyes glancing at the ceiling like she was searching her brain for that particular memory. He placed his hand around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"I never said that," she finally replied.

"Yes, you did."

"When?"

"The day of Maureen's weddin'."

"You remember that?"

"Ya don't?"

"You were supposed to say something incredibly romantic like 'I remember every moment of our lives together.'" She trailed her hand up his right arm as she said this. He smiled knowing she was trying to distract him. Truth be known, it was working.

"I think you're changin' the subject," he said trying to ignore her hand which now was resting on his neck pulling him down towards her lips.

"What subject?"

"I asked ya if ya wanted to elope." His face was only inches away from hers now. He looked in her eyes and knew the answer before she opened her mouth. "Martha said you'd change your mind."

"I guess she was right," she laughed as Sully reached down to claim her lips with his own.

* * *

**Boston, June 1846**

The rain held off but the sky still threatened to break open at any moment. The air was hot and muggy. Today was not the perfect day for an outside reception even if it was under a tent. Michaela's dress was made of blue satin and lace, both of which were now sticking to her. Her corset cut into her no matter what position she sat in. She longed to be rid of the dress and all the undergarments. She wanted to sit in a tub of cool water and then put on a cool crisp cotton nightgown but she knew that opportunity was still many hours away. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair wishing she was anywhere but here. Standing at the front of the church for the ceremony had been bad enough. Now she sat at a table stuck between the groom's brother and her sister Marjorie. Not that either of them was present at the table; she had been sitting alone for the past fifteen minutes watching everyone else dance and feeling miserable.

The problem was dancing was the one part of the wedding that she didn't totally abhor. She had convinced Sully to learn just so she could spend most of the reception dancing with someone. Unfortunately for her, Sully had been commandeered by her three annoying cousins and was right now waltzing around the dance floor with the oldest of them, Lily. They seemed to have set up a system where as soon as one finished dancing with him the next stepped right up to take the last one's place.

As she watched Lily and Sully, a strange feeling came over Michaela. Lily was a beautiful girl. Her blond hair hung in ringlets down her back. The green of her dress made the green in her eyes all the more prominent. She was small and delicate and seemed to float around the dance floor. Michaela's throat felt dry. She took a sip of water and then another but it didn't help. Her hands felt sweaty like she was nervous about something. There was a strange feeling in her chest every time Sully and Lily made another pass by her table. She couldn't quite identify it. Then there was the unexplained anger she suddenly felt towards Lily; like she wanted to walk across the short distance separating them and demand she leave Sully alone. After all, he was her best friend.

Josef approached Michaela from the side. "Can a father request a dance with his youngest?" he asked taking her hand in his.

"Oh look, an empty spot on my dance card. Yes, I believe I can fit you in." Michaela replied sarcastically, smiling up at her father.

"Dear, you look a little flushed. Are you okay?" Josef looked down at her with concern on his face, noticing she was breathing rapidly.

"Fine, I'm just a little warm," she replied.

Josef touched her forehead and relaxed his face into a smile. "Yes, you are kind of warm. Maybe you should get some fresh air instead of dancing," he suggested.

"No, really I'm fine. Let's dance." Michaela stood and followed her father to the edge of the dancing couples. The previous song had ended and a new one was just beginning. He placed a hand at her waist and took her other hand in his.

"Shall we?" he asked. Michaela nodded and they stepped into the dancing crowd. At first, she enjoyed the feeling of air moving around her overheated body. Her dress began to feel less clingy. She noticed Sully standing off to the side finally out of the clutches of her cousins. She smiled over at him as he waved to her. Yet in a blink of an eye, Lily had returned to his side and was whispering something close to his ear. Sully shrugged and stepped back onto the dance floor with her before Michaela lost sight of them. She tried to concentrate on dancing but there was the tightening feeling in her chest again and now the room was spinning.

Josef noticed that the smile had faded from his daughter's mouth and her breathing was extremely rapid. "Mike, are you okay?"

"Yes, I just need air," she replied letting go of her father's hand and walking towards the edge of the tent. As she stepped outside, a light rain greeted her. It felt good and she lifted her face and closed her eyes.

"Mike, are you sure you're okay?" Josef asked as he followed her outside.

"Father, please go back in. I'm fine; just overheated- that's all." Michaela wasn't about to tell her father what she was really thinking. Josef was reluctant to leave her and stood at the opening watching her turn her face to the sky as she breathed deeply.

Meanwhile, Sully had been trying to get away from the cousins for the past thirty minutes. He had been reluctant to learn to dance and now he wished he hadn't learned at all. He had briefly glimpsed Michaela as she danced with her father but now he couldn't find her anywhere. He weaved through the crowd hoping Lily or one of the other cousins didn't spot him. Josef was standing at one edge of the tent- Sully was hopeful that Michaela was with him. He began to make his way over stooping behind a little old woman when he spotted a cousin heading in his direction. He breathed a sigh of relief when she turned around. At last he made his way over to where Josef stood and made out Michaela's figure standing in the rain.

"Sully," Josef began, "Would you stay here with Mike while I get her something to drink? I don't think she feels very well."

"Sure," Sully replied as Josef turned to go back inside the tent. Sully stepped out into the rain with Michaela. "Mike, are ya okay?" he asked noticing her eyes were closed.

Michaela opened her eyes to find Sully standing in front of her. "Oh, Sully, yes I'm fine. Just too warm," she said trying to smile. His concern seemed to make the tightness in her chest lessen a little. "My cousins seem quite taken with you."

Sully shook his head. "I can't get away from them. They keep wantin' to dance and askin' me questions 'bout bein' a street kid."

Michaela suddenly relaxed. "They are fairly annoying," she said with a small laugh. "But Lily is very pretty, don't you think?" She glanced at Sully as she said this last part.

"I guess but she's like all the rest of them girls – ya know just worried about her hair and dress. She kept makin' me wipe my hands so I didn't get sweat on her dress."

Michaela laughed out loud at this and Sully joined her. Out of the blue, the sky began to spin and Michaela reached out for Sully feeling herself fall. Sully was caught off guard but managed to wrap his arms around her to stop her from hitting the ground.

"Mike," he called but received no answer. He tried to shift her in his arms to see her face. "Mike, are you okay? Mike!" Still she did not answer him. Her body was limp against him and he realized something was wrong. He called her again this time using her given name, "Michaela! Michaela!" Josef appeared just as Sully started to panic.

"Sully, what's wrong?"

"I don' know – she just fainted!" Josef scooped Michaela into his arms and turned around to try to find the best place to lay her down.

"Sully, run inside and get my medical bag. It's underneath the table where Elizabeth is sitting. And you better tell Elizabeth what is going on." Sully took off into the tent as fast as he could. His heart was racing in his chest and he was finding it hard to breathe. What if something happened to her? He felt tears beginning to rise in his eyeand he realized that he had no idea where Josef had been sitting. Looking around the tent, he spotted Elizabeth near the head table. He took off across the tent arriving beside her a second later.

"Mrs. Quinn, I'm sorry to interrupt but Mike has fainted," he stammered.

"What?" Elizabeth's face looked concerned. "Where is she?"

"Outside with Josef, but I need to get his medical bag."

"Certainly, it's under our table," she pointed to a table a short distance away and Sully took off again. He retrieved the medical bag and was back outside before Elizabeth even made it out of the tent. Josef had laid Michaela on the ground for a lack of a more suitable place. Her face was still flushed except the area around her mouth which was ghostly white.

Josef hastily took the medical bag from Sully and opened it to find smelling salts. Just as his hand closed over the bottle, Elizabeth appeared.

"Josef, what is going on? Why is she laying on the ground? Her dress is going to be ruined," Elizabeth finished.

"She fainted, Elizabeth. There wasn't a better place to lay her," Josef retorted feeling anger rising in his chest. He uncorked the bottle and handed it to Sully. "I'm going to raise her head a little; I need you to wave the bottle under her nose." Sully nodded and kneeled down beside Michaela on the wet ground. He tried to calm the shaking in his hands as he took the bottle from Josef. Sully placed the bottle under her nose and waited. Slowly her eyelids began to flicker open and Sully relaxed in relief.

The first thing Michaela saw when she woke up was Sully's face flushed with concern. She remembered laughing with him and then everything had gone dark. "What happened?" she asked trying to sit up.

"You fainted," Josef answered as he handed the top of the smelling salts to Sully. "How do you feel?"

"Like I can't breathe," Michaela answered.

"Just as I suspected," Josef replied. "Elizabeth, is she wearing a corset?"

"Of course she is. I laced it up myself."

"Possibly a little too tight," Josef replied helping Michaela sit up. Michaela first noticed the rain spots all over the blue satin. Then she realized her back was muddy from lying on the ground. Her dress was ruined. She looked up at her mother afraid of what she would see. Her mother however was looking down at her father, a worried look on her face. "I think the best thing to do, is for me to take Mike home and let her get some rest," Josef said. Elizabeth started to object but Josef cut her off, "I'll return once she is resting comfortably. I'll see if Martha doesn't mind going to look after her."

"I'll look after her," Sully volunteered. "Sides I'm kinda muddy too." Sully said looking at the knees of his pants.

Again Elizabeth started to object and Josef cut her off once again, "That would be fine, Sully. But you must make sure that Mike rests."

"Josef, don't you think an adult should stay with her?" Elizabeth was finally able to ask.

"No, she will be fine once we get this corset off. She just needs to rest."

"Josef, don't you think an adult should be present at the house with the children?" Elizabeth asked once again, this time raising her eyebrows at her husband.

"For goodness sakes Elizabeth. They are practically brother and sister." With that he stood and helped Michaela to her feet. "Okay, let's get you two home," Josef said turning towards where the carriages were standing.

* * *

That night, as Michaela lay in bed, her mind was restless. She kept thinking back over the afternoon. Jealousy was a relatively new feeling to Michaela; one she did not have much experience with. She had felt better almost immediately after arriving home. Her father attributed her quick recovery to the removal of the over tightened corset. Michaela did not doubt that the corset had been part of the problem as well as the heat but she also knew how glad she was that Sully had returned to the house with her instead of remaining at the wedding. He had been so sweet to her, insisting that she stay in bed and reading to her from Grimm's fairy tales like she was a little girl. 

Her father had called Sully her brother this afternoon. Was that what he was to her? Did he think of her like his sister? Were sisters jealous when their brothers spent time with other girls? Her mind asked question after question without finding any real answers. She didn't like feeling jealous but even now as she lay in bed, just the thought of Lily in that green dress made the dull ache return to her chest. She thought about sneaking over to Sully's room to talk to him but she didn't have a clue what to even say to him. She sighed and turned over hoping sleep would soon claim her.

* * *

Michaela was not the only one having trouble sleeping. Right down the hall, Sully lay awake in his bed, worried about Michaela. What if she stopped breathing while she was sleeping? What if something more was wrong with her? His mind kept reliving the moment that she had passed out in his arms. He had felt so helpless just like when his mother had… "Stop it." he said out loud, hoping to control his feelings. 

He threw back the light sheet covering him and rose from the bed. He walked over to the window and kneeled down on the floor. Looking up into the sky, he did something he hadn't done since before his mother died- he began to pray.

"God, if you're there and you're listenin' well I need to ask ya for a favor. I know I ain't talked to ya in a long time but I was real angry with ya about my ma. But I figure I ain't got no right to be angry 'cause you put me with a good family. But I need to ask ya for somethin'. I got a best friend and her name is Mike- well you might know her as Michaela and she was kinda sick today. God, I don't know what I would do if something happened to her so please don't let anythin' happen to her. I promise I won't ask for anythin' else for a long time. Okay? Well, I guess I better get to sleep so… Amen."

Sully climbed into bed feeling a little better than earlier. He laid back against the pillow and closed his eyes hoping sleep would soon claim him.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Seven**

**Boston - July 10, 1846**

"I can't take this heat," Michaela said as she rolled from her back to her stomach, propping her hands under her chin. She had rolled her dress sleeves up past her elbows and unbuttoned the two top buttons of her dress. She had also shed her shoes and stockings so that her bare feet could feel free.

"Hmm," Sully sleepily replied as he lay on his back under the shade of an oak tree. They had fled the house over an hour ago. Elizabeth was on a rampage as she had received word just yesterday afternoon that Josef's mother was coming to visit and would be arriving today. Now they were camped out in the back yard, trying to stay in the shade. Sully's drawing pad and pencils lay abandoned a few feet away along with Michaela's book. The heat had been too distracting.

"I really can't believe my grandmother is coming to visit," Michaela remarked.

"Why's it such a big deal?" Sully questioned as he rolled onto his side.

"Sully, she never visits. I don't think she ever leaves her house."

"So ya've never met her?" Sully asked.

"Once, ten years ago. I was three. My father had taken the family to Baltimore for a medical convention. Grandmother lives near Baltimore and so my father took us to her house. I don't remember it. I just remember father telling me we went there."

"But I thought your father's family was from Boston."

"They are but my grandfather met my grandmother when he was in Baltimore on business. They married a short time later. No one really talks about it. I have a feeling it was probably scandalous." Michaela emphasized this last word for effect and Sully giggled. "Anyway, my grandfather died before I was even born and grandmother moved back to her parent's house in Maryland. She had been an only child and inherited the whole estate."

Sully let out a low whistle. "So she's rich?"

"I guess, I don't really know."

"Miss Michaela, Master Sully," called Martha's voice from the back porch. "You two better come on now, your grandmother is here."

"Oh no!" Michaela exclaimed, hastily searching the ground for her discarded stockings. Meanwhile Sully gathered his art supplies and Michaela's book. Michaela pulled on her stockings and shoes as fast as she could. She unrolled her sleeves trying to smooth the wrinkles but in her haste she forgot about the buttons. They quickly made their way across the backyard to the porch where Martha was waiting for them.

"Miss Michaela, do up those buttons before your mother sees you and for goodness sakes get the grass out of your hair. This isn't the day to be looking sloppy." Martha scolded. Michaela quickly reached to do up the buttons grateful that Martha had noticed. Martha started in to the house while Sully picked the grass out of Michaela's hair. The children followed Martha into the kitchen and Sully placed the items he was carrying on the counter. Martha turned around frowning. "Go on into the drawing room. I've got to get drinks ready," she said shooing them through the door.

"Well, I guess this is it," Michaela commented glancing nervously at Sully.

"Mike, it's just ya grandmother- calm down," Sully said. Michaela smiled and smoothed the front of her dress as they walked across the foyer to the drawing room. The door was open and they could hear Josef's voice coming from inside. Michaela stepped through the door first and Sully followed.

The first thing that caught Michaela's eye was the woman sitting on the couch. She was black. Michaela didn't mean to stare but it was if she could not help herself. Of course she had seen black people but never had she seen one sitting in the living room of her house. Michaela thought the woman was beautiful. She smiled as their eyes met and the woman smiled back.

Josef rose from his chair and walked over towards Sully and Michaela. "Mother, this is Michaela, my youngest daughter and this is Sully who I was telling you about. Sully this is my mother, Anna Quinn."

Michaela wasn't sure what to do. Should she hug her? Shake her hand? Or just curtsey? While she weighed her options, Sully stepped around her and took the old lady's hand. "Please to meet ya Mrs. Quinn," he said smiling.

"I am pleased to meet you Sully," she returned in a youthful voice that did not reflect her age. The accent was not a Boston accent but not southern either. Michaela had never heard someone speak quite like this. Her speech was refined but her voice wasn't exacting like her mother's.

It had entranced Michaela as she stood rooted to the spot finally managing to mutter, "Grandmother, it is so nice to see you again."

"Yes, child, it is good to see you again. Though I scarcely can believe you remember me, as I think you were only three at our last meeting." Michaela glanced up at the old woman. Set in the wrinkled face were Michaela's own eyes, one green and one hazel. She had never known, no one had ever told her; she had her grandmother's eyes. She slowly stepped forward, a smile beginning to form on her mouth and gently kissed her grandmother on the check.

Her father cleared his throat and continued with the introductions. "Michaela and Sully, this is your grandmother's traveling companion Miss Robinson." Sully again stepped forward and repeated his previous behavior and Michaela moved to do the same but was interrupted.

"Please children, don' gotta be so formal with me. Just calls me Miss Ida. It is so nice to see some young ones. We don't get many young ones out at the house. Now you two come and sit over here wit' Miss Ida 'cause your grandmother was just about to tell why she done come all the way to Boston." Sully and Michaela quickly made their way to the couch anxious to hear the reason for the visit.

"Why, yes, I suppose it is about time I informed you all of the reason for my visit. I must begin by apologizing to Elizabeth for the last minute telegram about my arrival. I wasn't sure I was actually coming until two days ago. You must forgive me," Anna finished, smiling at Elizabeth.

"Think nothing of it. We are just glad you were able to come and visit," replied Elizabeth with a slight nod of her head. Michaela pinched Sully's leg as she held back a giggle. If it was no big deal, why had her mother ranted and raved ever since she had received the telegram yesterday afternoon?

Michaela's thoughts were interrupted by her grandmother. "As you know when Josef's father died, I returned to my home in Maryland. I never liked Boston but I loved my husband and so I tolerated it for his sake. When he died, I just needed to be out of the city. I really don't want to talk about it. I believe in letting the past be the past. I can't change what has already occurred but I do regret staying away from my grandchildren for so long." With this she looked at Michaela and smiled. Michaela was enthralled and instantly loved this woman who she didn't even know. "I came to Boston for two reasons. The first was to put my affairs in order. I suppose I could have used attorneys in Baltimore but truthfully I don't trust many people and thought it best to use the attorneys that had handled my husband's estate. I will meet with them tomorrow at two in the afternoon and my wish is that you would accompany me Josef."

"Certainly, mother. I will arrange my schedule so that I will be free to go with you," her father replied with a quizzical kind of expression.

"Old age changes you, which I will admit. Every year I have stayed away has made it easier to stay away. But one day I woke up and realized I was a bitter lonely old woman and I told myself that would not do. I decided then and there that I was going to see my grandchildren. That brings me to the second reason I am here." She hesitated at this point, looking unsure of herself for the first time that afternoon. Michaela sat on the edge of the couch anticipating what her grandmother might say. Her grandmother turned and looked at her. "Michaela, I would like to ask if you would come and stay with me for the rest of the summer."

Michaela's eyes were the size of teacups and her mouth dropped open. Whatever she had expected her grandmother to say, this was not it. Michaela ran the question through her mind. Did she want to spend the rest of the summer with this stranger? Part of her wanted to scream yes, for she had unexplainably grown attached to the woman sitting in front of her. The other part of her could feel Sully's hand that accidentally brushed her leg as he changed positions. Summer at her grandmothers meant a summer away from Sully.

"Mike?" Josef asked looking at his daughter trying to gauge her reaction.

"Leave the child alone, Josef. I am sure I have taken her by surprise." Anna replied. "But while I am in ambush mode, I might as well take someone else by surprise. Sully, would you like to spend the rest of the summer with me and possibly Michaela in Maryland?"

At the mention of Sully's name, Elizabeth began to shift in her chair – the taffeta of her dress rustling in the process. "Mother Quinn, I …" she began.

"With all due respect Elizabeth, I have not asked either you or Josef but the children. I will ask your permission of course but first I want to know the children's desire." Elizabeth turned very red but clamped her mouth shut remaining silent as the whole room turned their attention to Sully and Michaela.

Sully looked at Michaela who appeared to be in a sort of daze. He didn't want to go without Michaela but he did want to go. Should he wait for her to answer? If she would just look at him, then maybe he could see the answer on her face or in her eyes. Casually he bumped her elbow and she turned in his direction. Immediately, he knew his answer.

"Mrs. Quinn, I'd love to visit with ya this summer," he replied as the smile on his lips grew bigger.

"Me too, grandmother. I mean I also would like to come." Michaela said smiling first at Sully and then at her grandmother.

"Thank you. Thank you, both. You don't know what it means to an old lady like myself." She smiled at two of them and then speaking specifically to them as if Josef and Elizabeth weren't in the room she said, "Now comes the part where I ask your parents permission." There was a twinkle in her eye and Michaela knew she was quite enjoying this. "So," Anna turned to face Elizabeth and Josef who were seated in chairs across from Michaela and Sully. "Would it be alright if I took the children back to Maryland with me until around the middle of August?" Josef and Elizabeth looked at each other. Neither Michaela nor Sully could read their expressions. "Don't feel you have to answer me right away. Why don't you take the afternoon to think on it. I need a nap anyway. This heat is draining. You can tell me tonight at dinner after you've both had a chance to discuss." Having said this, Anna rose and turned to Ida. "Has Martha shown you where we will be staying?"

"Yes, Miss Anna, come on and I will take you on up," Ida replied rising and taking Anna's arm in hers as they exited the room.

* * *

**Pennsylvania countryside - July 13, 1846**

The train moved steadily along through the Pennsylvania countryside. Sully stared wide eyed out the window watching the passing landscape, enjoying each moment of the trip. Michaela had drifted off to sleep half an hour ago. Her head rested against his shoulder. Sully sat very still as not to disturb her. He smiled again to himself feeling freer than he had in a long time.

He could not quite explain the feeling. Maybe it was being out from under Elizabeth's penetrating glare. Or maybe it was leaving the city. He had never known a place other than the city, having lived all his life in New York and then moving to Boston. Michaela's hand rested on his thigh and he traced the outline of her hand against his leg. Maybe it was being able to sit with Michaela like this and not worry about comments from Elizabeth or Marjorie. He turned his head away from the window and lightly leaned his face against the top of Michaela's head. He breathed in deeply letting the scent of her wash over him. Slowly, he leaned back against the seat feeling content.

Anna was also sleeping, her head leaning against Ida. Ida, unbeknownst to Sully, was watching him. She smiled to herself as the boy's hand moved around Michaela's for probably the one hundredth time. She silently chuckled when he leaned against her head reveling in her scent. They were an odd pair. Clearly close, yet not like brother and sister. She didn't know quite what to make of them but she was looking forward to getting to know them better. Ida knew that their visit would be good for Anna and she would enjoy having youngsters in the house again.

"Miss Ida?" Sully asked breaking her train of thought.

"Yeah, Sully," she replied.

"Would ya tell me what it will be like where were goin'?" he asked clearly anxious to see the home where he was to spend the next month.

"When we gets to Baltimore, it gonna be somethin' like Boston," Ida began. "But Miss Anna she lives away from the city. We are gonna go down to the harbor and there my husband, John, be waitin' for us with the boat. We gonna travel by boat down the bay and then we gonna enter the Choptank River. Then before you know it we will be to Miss Anna's house. I think ya and Miss Michaela are goin' like that. The bay is beautiful and so is the river. Miss Anna's house – it sit right on the river. It used to be a real plantation with slaves and all. But Miss Anna's granddaddy, he done freed all his slaves long time ago 'for all this abolition trouble even started. He just up one day and said they was all free but that they could work for him if they liked." She stopped for a moment.

Sully looked over at her. "Miss Ida, did ya used to be a slave?"

"No, Master Sully, I was born free right at the plantation. Yes I was born free." Ida smiled as she said this clearly proud of her heritage. "But well, that's a story for another time. Now let me get back to what it is like. The house is real big- ya'll probably like playin' hide and seek in it. And there's lots of land all around. Ya'll can swim in the river and John will take ya fishin' and crabbin'. It's gonna be real fun, Master Sully. You and Miss Michaela are gonna love it there."

"Ya, I 'spect we will," Sully said once again grinning from ear to ear. He laid his head back against the seat day dreaming about running through the yard down to the river with Michaela at his heels. He placed his hand over hers and settled his head against the wall of the compartment drifting off to sleep.

**

* * *

****Boston, July 13, 1846**

Elizabeth sat down at her desk and unlocked the top drawer. Slowly she withdrew the information about the boarding schools. She placed the girl's boarding school information back in the drawer and relocked it, leaving the boy's boarding school information out. Lightly she ran her fingers over it.

She had not been pleased with Anna's sudden arrival nor with Anna's request to take the children back to Maryland. The woman had always unnerved Elizabeth. She never understood why anyone would want to leave Boston and its entire splendor for some out of the way house in Maryland. Anna never seemed to care what others thought and Elizabeth knew she would let Michaela run wild with Sully. On the other hand, getting Michaela and Sully out of the house was to her advantage. Now was the time for her to convince Josef about boarding school for the boy. With the children gone the subject could be discussed rationally. Upon their return the decision would be made and they would simply have to accept it.

Elizabeth knew Josef saw Michaela and Sully as brother and sister. Elizabeth really had tried to see them like that as well but there were things she couldn't deny either. She knew they were just children but there was something about the way they interacted that worried her. The way Michaela stared at Sully and blushed when he caught her looking. The way Sully would sometimes lay his head against Michaela's shoulder when he thought no one was looking. One morning Elizabeth had even caught Sully brushing Michaela's hair. She had not said anything about this to the children or Josef. It was imperative that she convince everyone that she wasn't against Sully. Truly she wasn't against him. There was something charming about him. Several times she had wanted to hug him but had restrained herself. She needed to remain unattached in order to think about the situation rationally.

She picked up the information. Now was the time. It was for Sully and Michaela's own good to separate them; the sooner the better before they became even more attached. She had picked out good schools that would help shape Sully into a son Josef could be proud of. She stepped out of the drawing room and knocked on the door of Josef's library.

"Come in," Josef called.

**

* * *

****Boston, March 1849**

"Michaela, I can't go back there," Sully whispered in the dark.

"I know. " Her voice was full of sadness. "I know," she repeated as if trying to convince herself. "I just can't stand the thought of you going away."

"It'll be okay," he tried to reassure her. He reached out in the darkness and found her hand.

"Please don't leave Sully," Michaela suddenly cried out as tears poured from her eyes. Sully dropped her hand and placed his arm around her instead. She instinctively leaned her head on him as her tears wet the front of his shirt.

"It's only for a little while, Michaela. I promise I will come back."

Michaela tried to compose herself. "I know, I know," she repeated. Sully kept an arm around her as she leaned on his shoulder. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity.

Knowing the hour was late, Sully finally spoke, "I gotta go, Michaela. I don't wanna get ya in trouble." Michaela nodded and raised her head, the tears threatening to fall again.

"Sully?" she breathed her voice thick with unspoken grief.

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget me."

"Never," he promised. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead feeling his own tears sting his eyes. "Never," he repeated again before rising and returning to his own room.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eight**

**Boston - July 13, 1846**

Tentatively, Elizabeth reached out a shaking hand to turn the doorknob. For the first time in a long time, she felt unsure of herself. There was a large lump forming in her throat and her stomach suddenly felt queasy. She shook her head, mad with herself for her lapse in confidence. What was she so frightened of? What could Josef possibly do? She took a deep breath and reminded herself what was at stake. As her nerves calmed a little she quietly stepped into Josef's library.

Josef looked up from his desk across the room to where his wife stood. He smiled at her wondering why she was so quiet. "Feeling lonely?" he asked.

"What?" Elizabeth replied not quite understanding Josef's question.

"The house - it's so quiet without Michaela and Sully," Josef remarked.

"Yes, you're right. It is. And Marjorie leaves tomorrow to go with Beth's family to New York. It will only be the two of us."

"So what are we going to do with ourselves?" Josef rose from behind his desk and approached Elizabeth. "We haven't been all alone in this house for quite some time."

"Well, we won't be completely alone. I mean Harrison and Martha will still be here."

"I know but I meant without children," Josef placed his hands around Elizabeth's waist and pulled her to himself. "It might be nice to stay in bed all day," Josef suggested grinning at Elizabeth.

"Josef!" Elizabeth scolded, her cheeks blushing like a young girl. He smiled at her and let go of her waist but Elizabeth did not move away.

"What's in your hand?" Josef asked noticing the papers Elizabeth held at her side.

"Oh, just something I wanted to discuss with you but it can wait." She placed her hand on his neck and pulled him down to her lips. Josef was taken off guard by her movements. Rarely did Elizabeth initiate intimacy of any kind. He quickly recovered though kissing her slowly at first. When she didn't pull away, he wrapped his arms around her and deepened their kiss. Elizabeth allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of Josef's hands on her back. She relished the way his lips felt as they sought hers. She felt young again in his embrace, like they had just fallen in love. At last, she ended the kiss but she remained in Josef's arms.

"Why don't we have dinner out tomorrow night and maybe some dancing?" Josef asked raising his eyebrows.

"That sounds delightful." Feeling suddenly awkward, she removed her hand from his neck and stepped back as Josef released her. A slight blush played across her cheeks. Josef liked knowing he could still make her heart beat a little faster. Sometimes their lives were so separate. He missed her but she so rarely dropped her guard enough to be herself.

"Elizabeth, let's take this time just for the two of us. Things have been so hectic lately with the wedding and all. Maybe we need some time." Elizabeth simply nodded and he leaned in once more to kiss her cheek. "I love you," he added before returning to his desk.

Elizabeth started to move but her knees felt weak. She needed to recollect herself and stop acting so silly. Hastily, she left the library, the boarding school information still clutched tightly in her hand. She had lost her confidence. She had let herself become distracted. Marching across to her private study, she opened the door and closed it a little too forcefully behind her. She threw the school information on her desk pacing back and forth in the small room.

Her mind began to clear. Maybe her timing had been wrong. After all, the children would be gone for a month. If she spent this time reconnecting with Josef, he might see her point of view more clearly. And Josef was right; they did need some time to reconnect – to remember why they first fell in love. It had felt nice to be held safely in Josef's arms. Maybe this time together would be good in several ways.

* * *

**Baltimore, Maryland - July 13, 1846**

"Miss Michaela. Master Sully. You two better be wakin' up now. We almost at Baltimore." Ida's voice roused the children from their sleep. Michaela raised her head from Sully's shoulder and stretched. She couldn't help but smile as she looked across at her grandmother. Sully began to stretch too and Michaela moved over some on the seat to give him more room.

"Sorry, I fell asleep on you," Michaela apologized.

"Ya know I don't mind," Sully replied catching her eyes. Michaela smiled briefly and then dropped her head. She knew she was blushing but didn't entirely understand why. It happened frequently now, always making Michaela feel silly.

"Now that the two of you are awake, I got a question." Anna's voice brought Michaela back to reality. "Do you two have some sensible clothes in those bags or is it more stuff like what you're wearing?" Michaela looked up, not quite sure how to take her grandmother's question.

"I.. we…" Michaela began but stopped unsure of how to answer.

"It's all pretty much like this," Sully answered when Michaela failed to complete her thought.

"I figured as much. Well, Miss Ida it looks like we are going to need to get these children some clothes. They can't run around in this heat in those fancy ones." Anna looked over at Michaela noticing that she looked uncomfortable. She stood taking Ida's hand for support and then lowered herself beside Michaela. Placing her hand overtop Michaela's she spoke gently. "I do hope you are okay."

"I am fine grandmother."

"I think we need to all have a little talk about how things are going to be for the next month and as I always say 'There is not time like the present.' First of all, this formal grandmother bit is not going to work. I would much prefer you both call me Anna."

Michaela quickly raised her head. Was her grandmother kidding? The look on her face was completely serious. "But grandmother,"

"No, No, Michaela, Anna," she said patting Michaela's hand. Michaela smiled and relaxed her shoulders. She had never felt this free in her whole life. "That's it, my girl, just relax. And for goodness sake Ida, drop the Master and Miss with the children. You are talking like I just sold you to Michaela and Sully." Michaela and Sully both looked at each other, unsure how to take this last comment.

Ida's laugh put them both at ease. "Go ahead and laugh youngins, ya can't take her too seriously."

"My house is nothing like what either of you are used to. We don't stand on formality. I will not pretend, Michaela that I have ever seen eye to eye with your mother. I voiced my opinion once when Rebecca was little and soon realized my opinions were not wanted. But the past is the past and we need to live in the present." Anna paused for a moment and then began again. "I want you to enjoy yourselves at my house this summer. That is what I want more than anything in this world. I don't care about noise or dirty feet or bed times. And I certainly don't care about stuck up Boston society rules. I want you both to forget everything about Boston for the next month. I am going to show you the place I love most in the world and I just know you aregoing to love it too. Alright?"

Sully nodded and Michaela lightly squeezed her grandmother's hand as the train slowed pulling into the station. Michaela watched as the platform came into sight, anxious to get out of the train and one step closer to the glorious place her grandmother had just described. She watched as the people on the platform eyed the cars as they rambled by, anxious to see their loved ones. At last the train stopped and Michaela and Sully both got up quickly collecting their bags. Ida helped Anna out of the compartment as Sully grabbed theirbags as well.

"Mike, are you ready?" he asked as Michaela hesitated at the door.

"I just feel like I am about to step into a fairy tale."

"Well, go ahead and step in. These bags are heavy." Michaela laughed and moved out of the compartment and off the train with Sully following along behind her.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

The town came into view as the stage coach moved steadily on. Michaela steeled herself, wondering if she could really do this. Tears threatened to fall for the millionth time that day. Why had she come? Was she insane? She could not go through with this. She could just stay on the coach and return to Denver. No... no it was too late. She didn't have a choice. She couldn't let her father down- he was counting on her.

Sully stood in front of the mercantile waiting for the stage to arrive. It had been a surprise when Josef wrote to say he would be coming for the wedding. Sully had not expected it but he was glad that the only pa he had ever really known had wanted to share this day with him. When he saw the coach come into view he yelled for Abigail who was still inside with her mother. "Abigail, the stage coach's here."

"I'll be out in a minute," Abigail yelled back.

The coach was slowing now. The slower it went the faster Michaela's heart beat. "He is my brother. He is my brother," she repeated over and over in her head. The coach came to a stop. Michaela's heart felt as if it would pound right out of her chest.

Sully was anxious to see Josef. He stepped closer as the door to the stage opened. An elderly woman was the first one to disembark. Sully offered her his hand as she slowly descended from the coach. As his eyes glimpsed the next passenger, his heart caught in his throat. He raised his free hand and wiped at his eyes, afraid they were deceiving them. He let go of the elderly woman's hand not even hearing her thanking him. Looking again at the stage door he saw her long hair sparkling shades of red in the sun. His eyes found hers and he felt frozen in time.

"Sully?" Michaela spoke somewhat nervously.

"Michaela?" Sully replied the same quiver in his voice. "Where's Josef?"

"He is sick, Sully. Another heart attack. He really wanted to come but the doctor's advised against it. He asked me to come for him. He wanted someone from your family to be here." His eyes were exactly like she remembered them. She felt lost in the blueness. Cautiously, she stepped closer. "Sully, I… I couldn't refuse him," she whispered as if ashamed of her actions.

"It's okay. I understand," he said unwilling to look away from her. "It's good to see ya. I never thought.." he hesitated resisting the urge to pull Michaela into his arms.

"You'd see me again,' Michaela finished his sentence for him. Michaela knew because it was what she had thought as well. Sully couldn't resist any longer. Michaela was like a magnet drawing him in and he had to touch her; be close to her even for a second. He forgot he was in front of the mercantile with Abigail just inside. Quickly, he moved in close and placed his arms around her. Michaela put up her hand as if to stop him but the same feeling enveloped her. Her raised hand circled his neck as he pulled her delicate frame against his body. She shivered as his hand nestled in the small of her back. Sully breathed in deeply allowing her scent to wash over him. He was not going to let go. He was going to hold her like this for eternity.

"Sully?" Abigail's voice called. "Where's Josef?" As if waking from a dream, Michaela and Sully slowly parted. Had he held her too long? Had Abigail noticed? Searching Abigail's face, he saw she was not happy.

"He couldn't come. Michaela came instead," he said glancing at the woman at his side. "Michaela, I'dlike you to meet my fiancé, Abigail. Abigail, this is Michaela." Abigail stared at the woman who stood beside him. She had known who she was before she had even left the Mercantile. Standing before her was theghost that she fought everyday for Sully's heart.

"Abigail, it is nice to meet you." Michaela offered her gloved hand. Abigail looked at the hand and then at Michaela. How could she compete with this – her clothes, her speech, her looks. Abigail wanted to run and hide but she didn't. If she wanted to hold onto Sully she would have to make her stand here and now.

She shook Michaela's hand and replied, "Yes, it is nice to meet you too and I do hope we will be fast friends."

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - July 14, 1846**

The sun sparkled on the water of the Chesapeake. Small white capped waves could be seen for miles around. The salty air whipped around the passengers on the sail boat invigorating each of them. The white sail looked crisp against the blue sky and dark bay. Every once in a while a gull's cry could be heard over the whine of the wind and snap of the sail.

Michaela sat beside Sully on the bow of the boat enjoying the feel of the wind blowing through her hair. She had shed her shoes the minute she stepped onto the boat and her bare feet peeped from the edge of her skirt. Her new light cotton shirt had sleeves made for rolling up and she had rolled them past her elbow. Never had she felt more alive as the boat cut cleanly through the water.

Anna sat in the back of the boat alternating between watching the children and watching the passing scenery. She remembered the first time her father had taken her sailing. She had fallen in love with the Chesapeake that day and could not believe she had lived away from it for so long. It was good to be back on familiar territory, away from the stench of the city. It had been necessary to spend the night in Baltimore before starting back but soon they would be turning onto the river and Anna would be home.

Sully leaned back on the deck of the boat and closed his eyes to the sun that beat down so fiercely. Something tickled his ear and he smiled as he realized it was Michaela's breath as she lay down beside him.

"Sully, how can you close your eyes? Aren't you afraid you might miss something?" Sully turned his head and found Michaela's face only inches from his own. He smiled at her and closed his eyes again. His hand reached down and grasped Michaela's. As he laced his fingers through hers, he could feel her pulse quicken against his wrist.

With his eyes still closed, he spoke, "It's like a dream, Mike. And dreams are best when ya're eyes are closed." Michaela sighed but remained beside him closing her eyes as well.

* * *

"You two sleep more than any youngins I know," Ida said standing over a sleeping Michaela and Sully. Slowly, Sully opened his eyes expecting the sun to be beating down on him but instead he was looking up into a canopy of lush green leaves. He felt Michaela let go of his hand as she sat up. 

"Are we here?" Michaela asked, her eyes becoming accustomed to her surroundings.

"Yes, child, we are here. Now doncha go sleepin' the day away. Ya'll come on. I already gots Anna up at the house and she is waitin' on ya." Ida chided as she moved to get off the boat. Sully and Michaela rose and followed Ida onto the dock. As they stood on the dock, they each got their first glimpse of the house.

"Oh my," Michaela muttered.

"Wow," Sully added.

"I told ya it was big," Ida said already making her way off the dock and across the lawn.

Big wasn't the word to describe the house. Michaela had seen big houses in Boston. Her own house was fairly large. This house was tremendous. There were two stories with a widow's walk on top of the house. The porch spanned the whole front of the house. There were double doors in the middle of the second floor that opened out onto a balcony. The house was pure white and it looked beautiful set against the dark trees. No wonder her grandmother had fled Boston to come back here. Anna sat on the porch and watched the children's faces light up as they came closer and closer to the house.

"So what do you think?" she asked as they stepped onto the porch.

"Grandmother, I mean Anna, it is amazing," Michaela said.

"Wow," Sully repeated as he continued to take in the house.

"Ya haven't even seen the inside," Ida goaded as she moved past the children to open the front screen door. As they stepped into the foyer, they could see the stairway in front of them. It went straight up to small landing at which point it broke off into two separate stair cases. "Now, why don't you two go on through to the kitchen and get somethin' to drink whiles I get Anna setteld. Ya'll done slept the afternoon away but I 'spect Anna here gonna need a nap."

"Yes, Ida that sounds good. Though I almost hate to leave you two," she said placing each of her hands on Sully and Michaela's shoulders.

"Oh, these two gonna be just fine. I be down in a minute." Anna started up the stairs with Ida right behind her.

* * *

While Anna napped, Ida helped Sully and Michaela get settled into their rooms. Michaela was staying in the room that had been Anna's nursery when she was a little girl. Sully was beside her in the next bedroom. Ida explained that her grandmother had been Anna's nurse when she was born. She had slept in the room right beside Anna and so a door joined the two rooms. Michaela giggled as she thought about what her mother would say if she knew Sully and her were only separated by a door as they slept. 

After getting settled, Ida acted as their tour guide as they explored the many rooms. Sully's favorite part of the house was the widow's walk. Ida had explained how it was used to look out over the river to watch for approaching boats. Michaela's favorite part had been the ballroom which was wide and open with a grand piano at one end. Ida told them about the parties that had been held there when she was young. Apparently it was at one of these parties, that Anna had first met a young William Quinn but Ida wouldn't give them many details saving that story for Anna to tell.

Following the grand tour, she sent them outside to explore on their own with a warning to stay away from the river for now. Michaela and Sully decided to explore what was behind the house since they knew the front was the huge sweeping lawn leading down to the river. In the back of the house were several buildings including a smaller house that Ida and John lived in. Behind the buildings the woods grew thicker but a dirt path wide enough for a wagon ran through the woods.

"Wanna see where it goes?" Sully asked, itching for an adventure.

"Of course," Michaela answered as they set off running down the path. Sully was slightly ahead of Michaela.

"Come on, slowpoke," he called over his shoulder. Michaela screwed up her face and tried her best to overtake him. "Is that the best ya got?" Sully called again as he pulled ahead of her. He slowed down again letting her catch up only to once again pull ahead. He felt a stitch forming in his side and knew they wouldn't be able to keep up the pace forever. Right before a sharp turn in the path, he allowed Michaela to overtake him. As Michaela rounded the corner, a boy appeared out of nowhere. Before she could stop herself, she crashed into the boy sending both of them tumbling on the ground. Sully rounded the corner to see Michaela splayed out on the ground and the boy struggling to get to his feet.

Sully immediately went to Michaela who was lying on her back trying to pull her skirt down. "Mike, are ya alright?" he asked assessing her for any external injuries. The boy had joined Sully at Mike's side and offered her his hand.

"Fine, just got the wind knocked out of me," she answered. She took the boy's hand and stood up. "How about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied brushing the dirt off his pants. "I guess it serves me right for spying."

"You were spying?" Michaela asked.

"Well, not really. My pa told me that Miss Anna's grandchildren were coming. There aren't many kids around here- just me and my sister. Anyway, I was just coming to see if you had arrived yet," the boy explained never taking his eyes off Michaela. "So are you the grandchildren?"

"Oh yes, I'm Michaela and this is Sully," she said introducing them to the boy. "And you are?" Michaela waited.

"Sorry, my name is Thomas," he answered turning to look fully at Sully for the first time. "So how long are you visiting your grandmother for?"

"A month," Michaela replied when Sully didn't open his mouth.

"Good, that means we will definitely get a chance to know each other." Thomas smiled at Michaela and reached up to pick a leaf out of her hair. "You've got a leaf in your hair," he said as he removed it.

"Thanks," Michaela said wondering why the boy had suddenly gone all dreamy looking. "Where do you live?" she asked feeling a little uncomfortable with his stares.

"Next house over. About another quarter of a mile this road splits. Take the left split to our house." Thomas dropped his head becoming aware that he had been staring. "So how old are you?" Thomas asked shuffling his feet on the ground.

"Thirteen," she replied.

"And your brother?"

Sully who had been standing silently observing the boy spoke up, "I'm eleven but I ain't her brother."

"No, Sully and I are well.." Michaela wasn't quite sure how to explain the situation.

"We're best friends," Sully quickly chimed in.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed." Thomas hesitated, not sure what to make of the situation. Clearly he had upset the boy and he wasn't even sure why.

"Don't worry. It's a natural mistake." Michaela replied but didn't try to explain any further.

"Well, I need to get home but it was nice to meet you. I hope we can get together soon. I'd be happy to show you around," Thomas' attention was back on Michaela. "I am sure my little sisterwould love to play with you," he said to Sully not really even looking at him.

"Yes that would be nice," replied Michaela as Thomas turned and started off down the path. He turned once and waved before disappearing around the next bend. Once Thomas was out of earshot, Michaela turned to Sully. "What's wrong with you?"

"Whadda ya mean?"

"You were rude to Thomas."

"I didn't mean to be," Sully lied. "I just don't like people spying, that's all."

"He wasn't really spying."

"Yeah, well maybe, but somethin' just ain't quite right."

Michaela shrugged. "Maybe we better head home too. I bet Anna is up now." She turned and began walking back down the path with a silent Sully following her. She didn't understand why he had behaved that way. It really wasn't like him. "Sully, are you okay? You did want to come here, didn't you?"

"Of course I did, Mike," he reassured her. "I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't like the way that boy was lookin' at ya." Michaela cocked her head and looked at him quizzically.

"I think he is harmless, Sully." Sully just shrugged but reached over and took Michaela's hand as they started back to the house.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Nine**

**Cambridge, Maryland- July 16, 1846**

The sun filtered through the leaves of the giant oaks making dappled patterns on the ground. The air was hot and humid making everyone feel lethargic. If it wasn't for the slight breeze that blew off the river, the day would have been miserable. John had taken Sully out on the boat with him to check the crab traps. Michaela sat on the porch swing reading to her grandmother.

Michaela paused as she came to the end of the next chapter. "Do you like the story, Anna?"

"Yes, Michaela I do. But I think that's enough for today. Why don't we talk? I know there must be questions you're dying to ask. You are probably just as curious as your father." Anna's eyes twinkled as she said this and Michaela smiled wondering how her grandmother knew her so well.

"I guess there are a few," Michaela admitted. "But I don't want to ask you something that might upset you."

"Oh, child, you aren't going to upset me. I have a lot of stories to share and I dare say Ida is tired of hearing them since most of them she lived through." Anna laughed. "Come on, ask away."

Michaela screwed up her face and thought for a moment. So many questions came to mind- where should she start? "I'm not sure what to ask first. I have so many questions. I want to know about your parents and your childhood and my grandfather and.."

Anna interrupted Michaela, "Just like your father. Why don't we start with my childhood?"

"That would be great," Michaela replied.

"I was born on a day much like this one supposedly. I don't remember it of course. I was delivered by Esther, who was Ida's grandmother. I am told my mother was very beautiful. Esther says my eyes came from her which means your eyes as well. Witching eyes- that is what Esther called them."

"Why did she call them that?"

"She said they bewitched people. My mother was just the daughter of a sharecropper and well my father stood to inherit all this." Anna waved her hands around to indicate the house and property. "They say he was supposed to marry a southern girl but one day he saw my mother in town. One look in her eyes and she bewitched him. They married within the month." Michaela giggled. She had thought many things about her different colored eyes but never that they bewitched people. "Laugh if you want child but you be careful who you go looking at just in case. Come on now promise me."

Michaela couldn't decide if her grandmother was being serious or not. Her eyes held laughter but her face was serious. "I promise," she finally said suppressing another giggle.

"One thing I know was true - my father was very much in love with my mother. Esther always told me that when they first found out she was pregnant, he threw the grandest party in her honor. The house was full of people and laughter and music. My father wouldn't let anyone else dance with my mother all night." Anna paused as her face clouded over. "There were complications at my birth. Esther couldn't do anything to stop the bleeding. My mother died shortly after I was born," Anna's voice was so soft Michaela could barley hear her.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I never knew." Michaela covered her grandmother's hand with her own.

"It's okay," she said as her face regained some of its sparkle. "It's just sometimes I just wish I had known her. But I can't complain - Esther and my father told me all about her. Esther says that when my mother breathed her last breath it was in my father's arms and that he held her all night. He refused to leave her side until the next morning. Esther brought me to him that morning but he refused to hold me or even look at me. That continued for close to a year."

"A year? You mean your father had nothing to do with you when you were a baby?"

"Don't hold it against him Michaela. I don't. Your young, Michaela you don't know what grief can do to people, the way it changes them. He didn't know how to deal with my mother's death and somewhere in his mind he blamed me for her death," she stopped looking deep into Michaela's eyes. "Someday you will understand grief like this but I hope it's a long way off." She squeezed Michaela's hand before continuing with the story. "My father wasn't always like that though. Esther says that one day my father awoke from a long sleep. He walked into my nursery, picked me up and introduced himself as my Papa. After that, I was his princess," Anna grinned from ear to ear. "Esther always scolded him that he was spoiling me but he didn't care. I had the best of everything Michaela. My father didn't know how to tell me no. That's why when I fell in love with William and then with Boston, he couldn't deny me even what he knew would break his heart."

"I wish I could have known him."

"I wish you could have too," Anna sighed holding onto Michaela's hand. A natural silence formed between them. Michaela felt that somehow she had heard enough for today. Enough to begin to make sense of the incredible woman that was seated beside her. She had other questions but they would hold for other days. For now she just wanted to sit and enjoy the warm breeze and the feel of her grandmother's hand in her own.

The silence was broken by the swinging of the porch door and Ida appeared. "I thought maybe y'all could use some drinks." She carried a tray out onto the porch setting it down on a small table. After handing out the drinks, she took one for herself and settled in a rocking chair near the swing. "Sure is hot," she remarked, wiping perspiration from her brow with a handkerchief. "I bet John and Sully be back soon. I was a little surprised ya didn't go with 'em Michaela."

"I wanted to but I didn't feel well this morning- my stomach hurt. John said all day in the sun wouldn't be good for me so I stayed" Michaela patted Anna's hand. "And I am glad I did."

"Anna been tellin' ya stories, huh?" Ida inquired. Michaela nodded. "I figured as much... yes mam I figured as much." As Ida finished speaking, a small sail boat appeared down near the docks catching their attention.

"Ida, whose boat is that?" Anna asked squinting her eyes for a better view.

"Oh I don't know. Probably that boy who lives up the way."

"Thomas?" Michaela asked.

"Yeah, that's the one. How ya be knowin' his name?"

"Sully and I met him when we were out exploring the other day," Michaela answered. The ladies on the porch turned their attention to the figure making his way up from the dock. Yes, it was definitely Thomas. His blond hair shimmered in the sun. He ran the rest of the distance up the lawn slowing to a walk as he approached the porch. Thomas' heart skipped a beat when he saw Michaela seated there. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Quickly he scanned the rest of the porch, relieved that Sully was no where in sight.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Quinn," he began, "Miss Ida, Miss Michaela."

"Afternoon Thomas," Anna said giving a slight nod of her head. "What brings you over here?"

"I was wondering if I might take Miss Michaela sailing on my boat," he said nervously smiling at the young girl.

"Well, I guess that would be up to Michaela," Anna answered. She turned towards Michaela her eyes laughing at the situation.

"I would love to go Thomas. Thanks for inviting me but I am spending time with my grandmother right now."

"Oh, child, you should go on. I need to rest before dinner anyway." Anna slightly nudged Michaela smiling.

"Are you sure?" Michaela asked suddenly nervous at the prospect of being alone with this boy.

"Go on," Anna encouraged. "But Thomas don't go out to the bay in that little boat. You stay in the river, you hear me."

"Yes, m'am," he nodded as the smile on his face widened. "Don't worry, I'll bring her back safe and sound."

"And Michaela you remember what I told you about your eyes." Anna grinned at Michaela as she squeezed her hand once more before releasing it.

"I'll remember," Michaela answered as she rose to follow Thomas. They made their way off the porch and down the lawn to the docks silently. Thomas was ecstatic- he couldn't believe he had managed to get away with her by himself. Michaela wasn't sure what to make of the situation but she was looking forward to being back out on the water.

Ida and Anna watched as the two made their way to the dock and boarded Thomas' boat.

"I do believe she has bewitched that young man," Ida said laughing.

"I think you are right, Ida."

"How ya think Sully gonna like that?" Ida asked.

"I don't think he is going to like it at all. Tonight shall be very interesting." Anna replied with amusement in her voice.

"Anna, if I didn't know ya better I'd think you planned that just to see the fireworks" Anna raised her eyebrows at Ida and they both started to laugh.

"I love watching those two together," Anna said as she gained her composure.

"Sully and Michaela?" Ida asked. Anna nodded. "Me too, me too!"

* * *

Shortly after Michaela left on Thomas' boat, John and Sully arrived at the dock. Sully jumped off the boat as John handed him the spring line and walked him through the steps of docking. John was impressed with how quickly Sully took to sailing.

"We got to get these crabs on up to the kitchen 'fore they die," John told Sully as he unloaded the bushel basket onto the dock. "Ya go ahead and take 'em up to Ida while I clean the fish we caught." Sully leaned over and picked up the basket feeling the crabs move around trying to escape.

"They can't get out, can they?" Sully asked suddenly nervous about the many little pincers he knew were lurking right below the lid.

"Nah, ya just keep the lid on," John chuckled. "We gonna make a waterman outa ya yet, Sully."

Sully shrugged his shoulders and started up towards the house smiling to himself. The day had been wonderful. John had showed him so much about boats and the water. His pants were still damp from where they had taken a small swim after lunch. The only thing that could have made the day better was if Michaela had gone with them. He started up the porch stairs and then thought better of it. He should probably take the crabs around to the kitchen door instead of trailing them through the house. As he rounded the house he could hear Ida singing in the kitchen.

"Hold your light, Brudder John, Hold your light, Hold your light on Canaan's shore," her sweet voice floated out the open window. Sully stood still listening for a moment unwilling to disturb the moment. "What make ole Satan for follow me so? Satan ain't got notin' for do wid me. Hold your light, Hold your light, Hold your light on Canaan's shore." Ida turned as she sang this last part and saw Sully on the other side of the screen door. "Now whacha doin just standin out there wit' dem crabs?"

Sully grinned sheepishly as he opened the screen door and stepped into the kitchen. "I was listenin' to your song." he told her. "It was real pretty. I never heard one like it before."

"That's cause it a slave song."

"It is?"

"Yeah, they sing that when they workin' in the fields cause they ain't allowed to talk. It's the way they talk without their masters knowing."

"That's sad but the song - it don't seems so sad," Sully remarked.

"No, child it's not a sad song. Now bring those crabs on over here. I need to get them in the pot before they go dyin' on us." Sully watched mesmerized as Ida with no fear of their pincers began grabbing the crabs by their back legs and tossing them into the pot.

"Ida, is Michaela feeling better?" Sully asked.

"Sure is child but ya just missed her. That boy from down the way came over and took her out on his boat."

"Ya mean Thomas?" Sully asked.

"That be the one," Ida said casting a sideways glance at Sully. She could see he was chewing on his bottoms lip and clenching his hands nervously at his side. "They probably be back soon. Why don't ya go on down to the dock and see if ya see them."

"Yeah, I think I will," Sully replied as he opened the back screen door and stepped out into the afternoon.

* * *

Thomas carefully steered the boat into the middle of the river so that it could drift in the current for a little while. Michaela sat in the bow and watched him as he finished with the sails. One of her hands was over the side of the small craft, lazily drifting through the water.

"I thought we were heading back," Michaela said when she realized Thomas planned on letting the boat drift along.

"We are, put the wind is against us. It's a lot of work to sail like that. I thought we could let the current carry us along for a little while. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Fine." Thomas smiled, pleased with the chance to have a few more moments with her.

"So tell me how Anna is Sully's grandmother if you two aren't brother and sister?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated. I mean she isn't really Sully's grandmother," Michaela hesitated not really wanting to elaborate on private details of Sully's life.

"So, if she's not his grandmother, how are they related?" Thomas was determined to get the whole story.

"Thomas, I don't mean to be rude; it's just not my story to tell."

'Okay, I'll stop asking then."

"Thank you," Michaela replied feeling relieved. Thomas was taken back by her unwillingness to speak about Sully. He began to work with the sails again to keep himself busy. Michaela seemed upset which wasn't what he had planned. Silently they made their way down the river to the waiting dock.

At the dock, Thomas jumped out and grabbed the spring line to tie the boat up with. Once that was done, he offered Michaela his hand in order to help her out of the boat. Michaela rose slowly, unsure of the boat's rocking beneath her feet. She grasped Thomas' hand as he pulled her onto the dock.

"Thank you," she offered. Thomas continued to hold her hand.

"I had a real nice time today," Thomas said smiling down at her.

"Yes, it was nice," Michaela was becoming uneasy. Her skin felt flushed and the pains from earlier had returned to settle in her lower abdomen. Thomas raised his hand containing hers. Michaela froze. What was he doing? She turned her head to the side weighing her options. She felt something pressed against her knuckles and when she looked, she discovered Thomas was kissing her hand.

"Thomas," she exclaimed but before she managed to get another word out of her mouth Thomas let go of her hand as he fell to the ground. At first, Michaela had no idea what was happening but then she realized that Sully now laid on top of Thomas. The boys each rolled to their sides and struggled to get to their feet.

"Leave her alone," Sully yelled clenching his fists at this side. Thomas had finally found his feet and he stood stunned for a second. When he realized what had taken place, he raised his fist and punched hard in Sully's direction making contact with his nose.

"Stop it," Michaela yelled unsure how to control the situation. Without really thinking, she grabbed for Sully.

"Mike, let me go," he yelled at her swinging his fists wildly in the air. He made contact with Thomas' lip which began to bleed. Thomas was thrown off guard by Sully's strength. He reached his hand up to his lip and felt the blood. Sully started to come after him again and Thomas put his hands out straight in front of him and shoved him hard. Sully stumbled backwards into Michaela causing her to loose her footing and fall off the side of the dock into the river. Immediately, the boys stopped their fighting when they saw what had happened. Thomas stood there looking stunned while Sully kneeled down.

"Mike, are you okay?" he asked offering her his hand. Michaela stood in the waist high water while the mud made it almost impossible to free her feet.

"I'm fine, no thanks to you," she glared at Sully feeling anger rise in her chest. At that moment, John appeared having heard the commotion from the barn. He came running down the dock to help Michaela out of the water.

"What's goin' on?" he asked looking first at Sully's nose which was now trickling blood and then at Thomas' bleeding lip. No one answered because no one really understood what had transpired. "Y'all been fightin'?" John asked.

"Yeah," Sully mumbled.

"Well, come on let's get y'all up to the house so Ida can get ya cleaned on up." John turned and started up the dock with the three children following silently behind. As they crossed the lawn, Sully tried to take Michaela's hand to reassure himself that everything was okay but she pulled away increasing her pace.

**

* * *

**

**Boston, 1854**

Michaela closed the library door behind her and leaned against it feeling the cool wood against the exposed skin of her upper back. Her heart was about to beat out of her chest as she stared across the room at the man she loved. His back was towards her as he stared out the window into the back yard of the house. Silently, she crept across the floor and wrapped her arms around his torso pressing her face into his back.

"I am so happy you're here," she whispered longing for him to turn around and take her in his arms. He remained still and almost sullen.

"Is something wrong?" she asked becoming worried at his behavior. This wasn't the kind of greeting she expected after being apart for nearly a year.

"Ya look beautiful tonight," he said, his warm voice filling her ears. He turned towards her as she released her grip on him in order to slide into his arms. Yet still he did not wrap his arms around her. She felt foolish and completely released him. Maybe he didn't still feel the same way about her.

"What's wrong?" she asked again in a shaky voice. There was a tightness in her chest making it uncomfortable to breathe.

"Who were ya dancin' with?" he asked still not meeting her gaze in the darkness.

She relaxed. "Are you jealous, Mr. Sully?"

"I just want to know his name," he replied once again turning away from him.

She moved closer to him, placing her hands around him once again and bringing her face as close to his ear as she could. "Robert or William or David. I don't really remember. When you walked through the door I forgot everyone in that room but you."

As she uttered these last words, he felt silly. Here was the woman he loved with her arms wrapped around him and he was worried about some nameless guy in the next room. He turned quickly now, pulling Michaela into his arms.

"I missed ya," he said as she smiled up at him. The moon suddenly appeared from behind a cloud and enveloped the room in a soft glow.

"I seem to remember another time when you were jealous, Mr. Sully," she said teasing him. "But that time I believe the boy walked away with a bloody lip."

Sully laughed. "I guess we better get back to the party before someone starts missing us."

"You haven't even kissed me yet," she reminded him.

"Now how could I've forgotten to do that." He leaned down but then stopped inches away from her lips. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. Michaela had grown impatient with waiting and suddenly closed the distance between them. Her lips found his and she pressed herself against him hard. Sully's tongue ran along her top lip begging for entrance to her mouth and she willingly gave it. She felt terribly wanton but she didn't care. She had dreamed of this moment for months. Sully brought a hand to her cheek as he pulled away slightly ending the kiss. "Ya don't know how much I've missed ya," he whispered.

"Yes, I do. I've missed you just as much," she answered as he once again leaned in to kiss her. As their lips met yet again, she entwined her fingers in his hair. He moaned into her mouth before deepening the kiss. Each of them was lost in the moment. They never heard the slight creak of the library door as it opened. They never heard the gasp of surprise that escaped his lips. They never saw the disappointed eyes that stared at them. They never knew the plans that were being made to pull them apart.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ten**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 16, 1846**

The sun was beginning to set now but the afternoon still burned deeply in her mind. Tears continued to fall unchecked down her cheeks. Michaela wasn't even sure why she was crying. She felt angry and shocked at Sully's behavior. Did he think she couldn't take care of herself? She could have handled Thomas. Why did everyone always assume she needed to be protected?

At the same time, she felt angry at herself for her own behavior. Had she really said those things to him? She replayed the scene in her mind for the hundredth time since entering her room.

"_What is wrong with you?" Michaela asked anger filling her chest. Her face was flushed and she clenched her hands at her sides like she might hit Sully at any second._

"_He was kissin' your hand," Sully was indignant._

"_So what? Who appointed you my guardian?" _

"_I just thought," Sully began but Michaela interrupted him. _

"_No, that's the problem, Sully. You didn't think. You didn't even know what the situation was."_

"_I was there the whole time Mike. I knew what was goin' on."_

"_Oh so now you're spying on me." Michaela's eyes were livid as her anger only grew._

"_No! It wasn't like that ..I was just" Again, Michaela didn't let him finish._

"_Being a rude little boy who doesn't know how to mind his own business," shot Michaela her voice full of venom. She turned and ran up the stairs. _

She had seen the hurt flash in his eyes. Her words had hit their mark and gone deeper than she would have guessed. Michaela had wanted to hurt him at that moment but now she regretted her actions. Two different times that afternoon someone had knocked on her door but Michaela had refused to answer the knock. What was wrong with her? She was thirteen years old bawling like a baby. Even though the room was stifling, she pulled the bedclothes over her head trying to drown the world out. She buried her face in the pillow shutting her eyes tightly.

She sighed, "Oh Sully, what have I done?"

**

* * *

****Boston, September 1864**

He was standing now and tapping his glass gently to get everyone's attention. Suddenly the room wouldn't come into focus. She blinked her eyes rapidly as her head grew dizzy. He turned and began to walk towards her. She knew what was coming but felt powerless to stop it. Leaning her head to one side, she brought her hand up to her forehead. Now he was standing just in front of her and reaching in his pocket. "No," her mind screamed. Closing her eyes, she made a wish that this was all a horrible dream. All eyes in the room were on the two of them.

"Will you marry me?" he asked a nervous smile forming on his lips.

Her stomach lurched as the words tumbled from his mouth. The room was still, too still. Every eye was on her. She gasped for air but she couldn't breathe. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Again, she tried to breathe but her throat wouldn't open. There was a burning sensation in her chest as dryness claimed her mouth.

"I," she hesitated.

"Michaela," he called with a look of concern on his face. Then she was falling, crashing into the blackness as she cried out, "Oh Sully, what have I done?"

**

* * *

**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 16, 1846**

Sully sat on the back steps shucking corn for Ida. His nose had stopped bleeding a while ago. The area beside his nose and under his eye was sore and would probably bruise but the real pain was in his heart. Michaela was angry with him and he didn't exactly understand why. He knew he shouldn't have attacked Thomas but at the moment he had been so angry. He had seen the look on Michaela's face and he had heard her exclaim Thomas' name. Had he read her wrong? Did she want him to kiss her?

The words rang in his ears - rude little boy. The funny thing was he didn't even mind being called rude; it was the little part that had him so upset. Though he wasn't exactly sure how old Thomas was, he knew he was older. Sully was eleven; just eleven. Well really eleven and a half- and actually eleven and three fourths but in the large scheme of things that didn't matter. What mattered was that Michaela thought of him as a little boy. He sighed heavily and continued shucking the green husks off the corn.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't hear Ida step out onto the back steps. She sat down beside him reaching for an ear of corn. "Sully, it's gonna be okay. She just need some time to cool down," Ida said trying to cheer Sully. Sully felt tears just below the surface and knew speaking would be his undoing so he simply nodded his head.

Ida's heart went out to Sully. She could tell he was about to cry but she wasn't sure the best way to help him. She had already gone up to Michaela's room twice to try to speak with her but Michaela refused to open the door. Anna had gone in the carriage with John to take Thomas home and to explain the situation to Thomas' parents. Ida knew that Anna would talk to Michaela when she returned.

The rumbling of carriage wheels could be heard coming up to the house and Ida stood, secretly glad to have some help with the two sullen children. John helped Anna down and then went to stable the horses. Anna walked to the bottom of the kitchen steps and stood looking up at Sully. Sully did not raise his head.

"I know you and Michaela don't want to talk about what happened this afternoon. Truth is I'm not going to push. I do need you to listen to me for a minute though. I know that you thought you were protecting Michaela this afternoon but fighting is never a way to solve anything. Thomas' father is a very understanding man and I have managed to smooth everything over. You've got to promise me that you will use your words in the future and not your fists."

As Anna concluded a dam burst inside of Sully and the tears he had been holding back started to descend. He threw himself at Anna almost knocking her backwards and wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face in her dress wetting it with his tears. Anna smiled down at Sully as she wrapped her arms lovingly around him and began to soothe him.

"It's going to be okay," she said gently rubbing his back. After a minute or two, Sully calmed and pulled away from Anna.

"I'm sorry," he sniffled. "I promise to try not to fight anymore."

"Good. Now I think you should go help John out in the barn. It will do you some good." She smiled at Sully as he dried his eyes and cheeks, setting off for the barn.

Ida stood and shook her head. "Good Lord Almighty, if we ain't seen some fireworks today," she exclaimed wiping her hands on her apron.

"Is Michaela still barricaded in her room?" Anna asked.

"Sure is. What are we goin do wit' em?" Ida laughed.

Anna joined in her laughter. "I don't exactly know. Right now, I'm going to head up there and have a talk with Miss Michaela even if I have to do all the talking." Ida smiled and opened the door for Anna as they both headed inside.

* * *

Out in the barn, John was pitching fresh hay into the horse stalls when Sully entered.

"John, ya need any help?" Sully asked shuffling his feet.

"I'd be much obliged- why don't ya brush down the horses." John put down the pitchfork and retrieved the horse brush for Sully. Sully stood frozen staring at the horses. "Gonna be hard to brush the horses from all the way over there." John said.

"I don't like horses very much," Sully said fear etched on his face.

"Oh, that okay, why don't you muck out the stalls whiles I brush 'em,' John offered. Sully agreed and grabbed the pitchfork John had been using. They worked in silence for awhile; Sully lost in his thoughts as his mind turned once again to Michaela's words from earlier.

"I 'xpect Miss Michaela pretty upset right now but she gonna calm down," John said breaking the silence. Sully just shrugged his shoulders. "Now don't go workin' yourself up over this. She's fiery but fire don't burn forever."

"I don't know - she's awful mad," Sully finally replied.

"Oh, I don' doubt it."

"I don't even know why. I mean I saw her face- she didn't want him to kiss her. She even called his name to stop him."

"I 'spect she's mad cause ya got in her buisness without her askin' ya to. Michaela- she a lot like her grandmother- real independent. When Anna's husband died and she moved back here, all her family thought she'd lost her mind. I think she did it just cause they didn't want her to. I tell ya what I think - ya keep givin' Michaela a hard time as far as this Thomas boy is concerned and ya gonna push them together. She's just provin' she's her own person."

"But why did she have to be so hateful? Why did she call me a little boy?"

"Ain't nothin' compare wit' a woman when she mad wit' her beau."

"Her beau?" Sully questioned.

"The boy she's sweet on."

"I know what it means but ... do ya mean me?" Sully was wide-eyed. Did John think Sully was her beau?

John kept quiet for a minute and observed Sully. "What would ya say ya were?"

"Friends," Sully answered and than after a moment added, "Best friends."

"Yeah, I see that but I still think Miss Michaela sweet on ya."

"But we're just kids," Sully argued.

"Miss Michaela's a young lady."

"Yeah but I'm just a kid."

"Don't mean kids can't have feelins. Look I ain't sayin' ya goin' to start courtin' her or anythin'." Sully shook his head and looked down at the ground. "Let me ask ya a question - is there any boy ya'd be okay with Michaela kissin'?"

"Her father."

"I meant someone not related to her." Sully shook his head no. "How about if she was to kiss ya?"

Sully thought about it for a second, afraid to admit to John that he'd already kissed Michaela.

"Ya already kissed her, haven't ya?"

Sully stood stunned for a minute. It felt like John could read his mind. Finally he whispered a very quiet "Yes."

"I figured as much. Well let me tell ya somethin' Sully and I sure hope ya gonna listen. You're young and ya got your whole life in front of ya. I know from what Anna has said that ya done had to grow up fast. But that girl in there is too special for ya to go disrespctin'. Ya gotta learn to grow together." Sully was silent taking in what John had just said to him. "Firs' time I saw Ida I was nine years old. I thought she was somethin' special. Truth is I still think that. But I learned real quick not to wake love 'fore it's ready."

"What do ya mean?" Sully asked shaking his head in confusion.

"Ya just wait and be patient. Ya just make sure ya there for her. There might be other boys but she ain't gonna think about 'em like she think about ya. Let her have her independence and some day she gonna fall in your arms and then you'll know its time. But ya gotta be patient."

Silence descended on the barn as Sully thought about what John had said to him. Could Michaela really be sweet on him? Was he sweet on her? He wasn't sure about that but what John said did make sense. He had felt awful jealous where Thomas was concerned. Sully closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He hated the fact that Michaela was mad at him but he would be patient with her. If she needed to yell at him that was okay as long as in the end they were still ... whatever they were to each other.

**

* * *

**

**Colorado Springs, 1865**

Patience- that was what was required. He looked across the clearing unable to believe she was actually here. Michaela turned her head and caught him staring at her. A slow blush crept across her cheeks but she did not drop her head. He felt his heart melting as their eyes refused to break the connection. And then he knew. Why was he waiting? What was holding him back? He walked now, confidently across the clearing. The pounding of his heart was deafening in his ears. Nothing could deter him. This was the moment he had been waiting for and dreaming of for so long.

Stopping a few feet from her, he took a deep breath. "Michaela?"

"Yes."

"I," he hesitated feeling his nerves return. Her face fell and he could tell she was afraid of what he was going to say.

Tentatively, he reached for her hands taking them in his own. They looked so small. Resisting the urge to pull her body against his, he began again, "I." Michaela interrupted him before he could continue.

"Sully, please don't. I know how awful I was to you. Please don't send me away. My life has been so empty, I just need..." she couldn't continue. She let out a small sob as the tears began to run down her cheeks. Pulling her hands away from his, she covered her face.

"Shh," he whispered lovingly pulling her into his embrace. "Do you know how long I have dreamed of this moment?" She didn't respond. "John once told me to be patient with you and you would come to me. Truth is I never been good at waitin'. Maybe that's why we've always struggled. I was always pushin' instead of waitin'."

"Oh, Sully how can you think any of this is your fault?"

Leaning into her, he brought his head down to her ear. "Michaela, don't live in the past."

"Oh, Sully, you don't know how long," she began.

Sully interrupted, "Yes, I do. But we can stop fightin' and pushin' and pullin' away now. You're finally here in my arms and I ain't letting go."

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 16, 1846**

Anna stood outside Michaela's door and pressed her ear against the wood. There was no sound from the other side of the door so she knocked. "Michaela, it's Anna. I want to talk to you." There was no response from in the room. "Michaela, I'm coming in now." Anna opened the door to find Michaela buried under the bedclothes. She walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed gently touching what she assumed was Michaela's back. "Isn't it hot under there?" she asked, a touch of levity in her voice.

Slowly, Michaela moved to pull the bedclothes off her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she whispered.

"I know you don't," Anna replied. "So why don't I talk and you listen." Michaela did not respond so Anna began, "I know that you are very upset right now. There is no excuse for why Sully attacked Thomas but you of all people should know that Sully was just trying to protect you."

"I don't need to be protected," Michaela shot back angrily. Why was her grandmother taking his side? She rolled over on the bed away from Anna.

"No, you don't need to be protected. But you have to understand something Michaela. Boys are a lot different from girls. When they see something that they know is wrong, they want to act, to fix it. That is what Sully was doing this afternoon. He thought you didn't want Thomas' attention and so he let Thomas know that. Unfortunately, he chose to use his fists." Michaela remained silent but the tears began to fall again.

"Michaela, why don't you tell me who you are angry with?"

"Sully," Michaela whispered knowing that wasn't exactly true anymore.

"Are you sure, Michaela?" Michaela began to sob harder. Anna lovingly rubbed her back. "Whatever you said to Sully, he is going to forgive you."

"But I was just so awful to him," Michaela managed to mutter between sobs.

"Oh, my sweet girl, do you think you are the first girl to be utterly awful to a boy?" Anna asked with laughter in her voice. "If you only knew the things I said to your grandfather sometimes. He always forgave me, Michaela. Always." Michaela rolled over and placed her head in her grandmother's lap. Anna softly stroked her hair. "You'll see, it's going to be okay."

* * *

Dinner had passed without incident. There was polite chatter but no one talked of the afternoon's events. After dinner, Sully excused himself to go read in his room. As he passed the doors to the balcony he was drawn outside. The moon was full and it hung low in the night sky. The river reflected it's glow perfectly. He could hear the crickets singing their night songs and frogs croaking in the distance. The air was heavy with the sweet smells of summer. Sully leaned on the railing and closed his eyes.

Michaela had followed Sully up and now stood at the doors to the balcony watching him. She wanted so badly to make everything right but she wasn't sure what to say. Slowly, she stepped out into the night and joined Sully at the railing. A light breeze blew her hair and she relaxed as the night enveloped her in the same sweetness.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she whispered, afraid to break the magic that the night had woven around them.

"It is," Sully simply responded. He opened his eyes and turned slightly so that he could see her.

"The moon looks like it's trying to kiss the river," Michaela whispered in the same soft voice.

"If the moon does, do ya think the earth might get jealous and try to punch the moon?" Sully asked.

"He might. But the earth doesn't need to be jealous. The river can't leave the earth because they are bound together. One can't exist without the other." Her words hung in the air and in both of their hearts. They didn't fully understand the depth of what had just been expressed but they both knew everything was going to be alright. Neither wanted to move or disturb the perfect peace that had settled between them. Michaela turned slightly and brought her hand over to touch lightly on the outside of Sully's hand. She smiled at him. He turned his hand over and she lightly placed her hand on his palm as his fingers closed around hers. Then together with hands entwined they stood simply enjoying the night.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 20, 1846**

Darkness hung heavy in the room broke only occasionally by heat lightening flashing in the distance. The air was thick with heat and humidity. All of the windows were open but absolutely no air was stirring. Michaela turned over in bed trying to find a cool place on the sheets. Her hair was braided and pinned on top of her head to keep her cooler but it made sleeping uncomfortable at best. Escaped hairs clung to her neck and the sides of her face. Her body felt like it was on fire. She had shed her nightgown an hour ago in hopes of reducing her body temperature. Now, she lay on her back and spread her arms and legs out as sweat formed wherever two body parts were touching. It didn't seem to matter what she did, nothing helped.

"Why doesn't it just go ahead and rain," she thought to herself as she sighed and sat up in bed. Thinking that the floor might be cooler, she rose pulling a sheet and pillow with her. After spreading out the sheet, she settled onto the floor. At first it felt cooler even if it was uncomfortable. Michaela thought she would be able to finally succumb to sleep. Within minutes though, it felt as if her body had heated the floor beneath her. She turned onto her stomach raising her head. In frustration, she beat her fists against her pillow. Then a thought occurred to her. Her grandmother had said that when she was little and it was hot like this, they had slept on the balcony. "It's worth a try," she muttered to herself as she pushed herself off the floor and began searching for her nightgown. She located it at the end of her bed and slipped it over her head. Michaela bent down to scoop up her sheet and pillow before exiting the room.

Quietly she crept down the hall as not to wake anyone. Turning the doorknob, she pushed the balcony door open and stepped into the night. It seemed slightly cooler; maybe she could get some sleep out here. Again, she spread out the sheet, fluffed up her pillow and lay down on the floor of the balcony. A small breeze stirred and Michaela closed her eyes content with a little relief from the heat. However, wetness hung in the air dampening Michaela's nightgown and skin. A low buzzing sound seemed to envelope her as the mosquitoes swarmed around her head. She sat up swatting at the bugs, once again frustrated with her inability to sleep. Standing, she made her way to the balcony's railing and glanced down at the river. It was barely visible from here but she knew it was there. She could smell the saltiness of the water in the air. She could hear its soothing song as it moved effortlessly through the night, rushing endlessly to the bay and eventually to the ocean. The water mesmerized her, pulling her in until she felt drawn to it.

* * *

The room was hot and the air was close. He had no idea how long he had laid awake waiting for sleep to claim him. Sully felt as if someone had thrown a wet wool blanket over him; the air was that oppressive. His body was soaked with sweat as were his pajama bottoms and sheets. The house was quiet and he wondered how everyone else had managed to get to sleep.

The sound of a door opening and closing got Sully's attention. It had come from Michaela's room. "Probably just goin' to the outhouse," he thought to himself. Tuning over onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling thinking about the events of the last few days.

He couldn't remember a time when he had so thoroughly enjoyed himself. The mornings he had spent with John either on the boat or working in the garden or barn. Sometimes Michaela would join them, especially if they were going out on the boat. Other times she helped Ida in the house or read in the morning room with Anna. After lunch, Anna usually napped and so Sully and Michaela had taken to going off on their own exploring. They walked in the woods or swam in the river if the day was too hot. They hadn't ventured far yet but Sully knew Michaela was itching to see where Thomas lived. Ida had told them that Thomas' family kept slaves. While Michaela's opinion of Thomas dropped significantly after finding out this news, she had developed a curiosity about the whole matter. Sully knew they would find themselves there one afternoon if Michaela had her way. Yet Sully and Michaela's favorite time of day was after dinner when they all gathered on the porch or at the kitchen table to share stories. Anna told marvelous tales of her childhood and courtship with Michaela's grandfather. Ida talked about her mother and grandmother as well as her own life. John told them stories about his life as a slave before he had gained freedom. The stories enchanted them and they sat listening while the older ones spun stories into the late hours of the night.

Returning to reality, Sully realized that he had not heard Michaela come back to her room. He knew it was silly to be concerned but he was. Rising quickly, he crossed the room and lightly knocked on the door that separated his bedroom from hers. Hearing no answer, he gingerly opened it. The clouds had parted slightly and a weak beam of moonlight revealed Michaela's empty bed to Sully. His heart beat a little quicker as he opened her door and stepped into the hall. He stood still and listened for a moment for any sound that would let him know that Michaela was coming back up the stairs or re-entering the house. Everything was silent. Sully turned and walked down the hall, pausing when he noticed the balcony doors were slightly open. He felt the knot that had slowly been forming in his stomach lessen as he realized she was probably just beyond the door.

Opening the door the rest of the way, he softly called her name so as not to frighten her. "Mike," he whispered. The clouds had covered the moon again and blackness overwhelmed him for a moment. He looked around the balcony and called her name again. "Mike, are you out here?" Still no answer. He took two steps forward and encountered her pillow. This confused him even more. Clearly she had been here but where was she now. Stepping to the railing, Sully tried to survey the ground. Slowly the clouds parted once again and the moon illumined a lone figure standing on the dock.

Despite the heat, Sully felt chilled. He wiped at his eyes, thinking he had imagined seeing someone. But when he removed his hands, she was still there. The white of her nightgown shone brightly against the dark water. Sully felt transported back in time as fear gripped him. A cloud covered the moon and the blackness returned. His feet flew over wooden floors, down stairs, and out the front door. He had to get to her. He couldn't be too late this time. He was running through the yard barefoot, dressed only in pajama bottoms. His heart pounded in his chest as a dull ache began to tear at his heart. His breathing was labored and a stitch formed in his side.

The moon appeared again, as he neared the river. Sully's blood froze at what he saw. There was Michaela kneeling on the dock. Sully felt his voice catch in this throat as he tried to scream out her name. She was standing now. He had to reach her- he had to stop her. Finally his voice broke free, "Mike, wait don't do it!"

Sully's voice startled Michaela and she jumped slightly. She turned to see Sully standing only feet from her in only his pajama bottoms. She almost laughed but stopped herself as his face came into view. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his eyes were wild. "Sully," she said gently. "What's wrong?"

"I.." Sully started but suddenly he lunged forward and wrapped his arms firmly around her waist. The rest of his words were lost to her as he buried his head in her nightgown.

"Sully, I can't understand you. What's wrong? Is something the matter with Anna?" Michaela was beginning to get nervous herself. She gripped Sully's shoulders pushing him firmly away from her.

"No, not Anna," Sully managed to get out between sobs.

"Is it Ida or John?" Michaela asked thoroughly confused as to why Sully was behaving this way.

He vehemently shook his head and lowered himself to the dock. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he buried his head in them trying to compose himself. Michaela kneeled beside him. "Was it a nightmare, Sully?"

Slowly he raised his head and managed to speak one sentence. "I thought you were going to jump."

"Why would I do that?" Michaela asked. "I know it's hot but do you really think I would go swimming in the middle of the night in just my nightgown?"

"No, not swimming," was all he managed to get out.

"Sully, I don't understand. Why are you so upset? Why did you think I was going to jump?"

"Because she did."

"Who did?" Michaela asked no closer to understanding what was happening.

"My mother," he whispered before sobs racked his body once again.

Michaela leaned back on her heels adjusting her weight slightly. She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. The words ran slowly through her mind as she tried to make sense of what she had just heard. His mother had jumped. What did that mean?

"Sully, I'm sorry I don't understand," she whispered into the night not sure Sully even heard her through his heart wrenching sobs.

But Sully lifted his head and wiped at his eyes and nose. His body was still shaking but he seemed more composed than he had been a moment ago. "Michaela," he whispered as his eyes met hers. Her brow wrinkled; he never used her given name. A slight chill ran through her body and she shivered in the hot night. She dropped her eyes to the ground but left her hand on his shoulder. "I never told ya," he stuttered. "I never told anyone. Your father knew- I didn't have to tell him," Sully stopped.

"You didn't have to tell him what?"

Suddenly words began to burst out of Sully. "That night…. She was so happy. I had never seen her so happy. But then she was sad and crying and I couldn't make her happy again. She left me, Michaela. She left me but I followed her. She walked to the river and I followed her. When I saw her kneeling down to pray," he hesitated but Michaela remained quiet, instinctively knowing he would continue when he was able. "You… You were kneeling."

She looked up and met his eyes. "I was just leaning down to splash some water on my face," she whispered.

He nodded. "She crossed herself, Michaela. I watched her and I did nothing. I should have known… I should have done something right then but I just thought she was praying." Again they sat in silence for a moment. Slowly Sully continued, his voice barley able to be heard over the water slapping against the pilings. "She crossed herself and jumped and I couldn't save her," he said emphasizing the last words. His tears returned in a slow steady stream.

Michaela felt numb as so many emotions washed over her. She had thought his mother's death was an accident. That was what her father had said. Why had her father lied to her? Why would Sully's mother kill herself? And why had Sully had to witness the whole thing? She was angry and sad all at once. The urge to scream out rose in her but she suppressed it.

Then he spoke her name again. "Michaela." Though she still held onto Sully's shoulder, suddenly the distance between them felt too great. She released his shoulder and grasped his hands in her own. Still that was not enough for her but she remained like that afraid to get any closer to him. "When I saw ya tonight, standin'on the end of the pier" he continued, "I thought you were going to jump. I don't even know why I thought that but I did and I was scarred."

"Oh, Sully, I would never…"

Sully interrupted her, "I know ya wouldn't. I was just rememberin'." They sat in silence with Michaela holding fast to Sully's hands. Sully nervously chewed on his bottom lip while Michaela looked around avoiding Sully's eyes. Slowly, he pulled his hands away from hers. "Sorry Mike, my hands are so sweaty," he said as he wiped them on his pajama bottoms. The break in contact jarred Michaela. Shifting slightly, she realized her legs were asleep under her. Gingerly, she moved them straight out if front of her and laid her whole body down onto the pier. Deep inside there was still the desire to be close to Sully. When he lay down beside her and grasped her hand once more, she readily entwined her fingers with his own.

At last she spoke, "Sully, are you angry with her for what she did?"

"Sometimes but mostly just sad. I knew she'd been real sad for a long time. I just didn't know how to help her. I guess I always wished I'd be enough for her."

"What do you mean?"

"I just wish she'd love me enough not to leave me," he sighed sadly.

"Sully, I'm sure she loved you," Michaela answered.

"You're right. I mean, I do know she loved me. Maybe I wish that my love would have been enough for her. I really loved her Mike. I still do but it didn't matter how much I loved her, she still left me."

Michaela turned onto her side in order to look at Sully. She felt overwhelmed by what he had just said. How could a mother make her son feel like that? She spoke the only words that came to her, "I'm sorry, Sully. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

**

* * *

**

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

Sully held the letter in his hands staring at it as if it would reveal its contents without actually being opened. Her hand writing neatly graced the front; his name spelled out in her perfect penmanship. He hadn't been sure Michaela would answer his letter. Actually, he had hoped she wouldn't. They had agreed that it was best that they not see each other but neither had been able to stop contact completely. Taking a deep breath, he turned the envelope over and ripped it open. It was one page which was very unlike Michaela. Most of her letters were small books. He unfolded the paper and began to read.

_Sully,_

_I have just received your letter today about your engagement. Let me be among one of the first to offer my congratulations. I know how much you have wanted to start your own family and now that dream is coming true. I am very happy for you and wish you and Abigail only the best._

_I don't know how appropriate it would be for me as a single woman to continue to write to a married man. Perhaps we should give up our correspondence as it seems you have moved on withy our life. Yet I don't really want to, as I have always valued your friendship. Please talk this over with Abigail and let me know if she objects to us corresponding. _

_Things are well here. Graduation is only two months away and then I will officially be a doctor. Please know that even though I am finally realizing my dream, I still miss you terribly and wish things had turned out differently. I wish that your love had been enough for me and I am sorry that it wasn't. _

_Michaela_

The words were oddly formal and stilted. Sully knew she had probably written the letter over and over editing out her true feelings. Yet her true feelings showed through in parts of the letter. When he had read that she still wished to write him, his heart had skipped a beat. And then she had said she missed him- she missed him terribly. This had brought a huge smile to his face. If she only knew how much he missed her. Then he had read the last line of the letter. It cut him to the quick, just like it hadtwo yearsago when she had spoken these same words.

**

* * *

**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 21, 1846**

Rain pounded on the roof and shook the window panes. Thunder rumbled and lightening flashed brilliant shades of gold against the dark sky. Sully woke with his eyes swollen from the night before. The air was already cooler and Sully pulled the sheet up to fight the morning chill. The sky was dark because of the storm but Sully guessed that he had probably slept most of the morning away. They had been up late, just lying on the pier together. They had only returned to the house when the rain had begun to fall.

He smiled remembering the way Michaela had looked standing in his bedroom door. She had let her hair down and the humidity had caused it to curl around her face. Raindrops clung to her cheeks and her lips. He had simply said, "Thank you, Mike."

An odd look had crossed Michaela's face as he thanked her. She smiled and then leaned in, to whisper against his ear, "I like it when you call me Michaela."

"Thank you, Michaela," Sully whispered again.

As soon as the words had left Sully's lips, Michaela turned to head back to her own room. At the halfway point she froze, turned around and walked the short distance back to Sully. Again, she leaned in close to his ear whispering, "Good Night." Then she did something that Sully had never expected. She turned her head and kissed his cheek. Sully smiled at her as she pulled back. He knew a light blush was creeping across her cheeks even if the darkness hid it. Michaela turned and went to her own room while Sully had retired to his. Sleep had easily claimed them both as exhaustion had set in.

Sully smiled again remembering everything that had transpired the night before. He still didn't understand the feelings that Michaela brought out in him but he had learned to accept them and even to enjoy them. He rolled over listening intently, wondering if Michaela was awake yet. The rain drowned out any sound except for its own until a scream pierced the air. Sully shot straight out of bed and ran for the door that separated their rooms. Without even knocking, he threw it open.

Michaela sat on her bed with the sheet thrown back. Her face was ghostly pale and she held her hand to her mouth as if she was about to be sick. Her eyes were focused on the sheet below her. Sully couldn't tell what it was but as he got closer he noticed if was red. The same redness appeared on part of her nightgown.

"Mike?" Sully ventured. "What's wrong?"

"I…I don't know. I think I'm bleeding."

"Did ya cut yourself on somethin'?"

"No, I just woke up and I'm bleeding!" Michaela was beginning to become hysterical.

"Well, where are ya bleedin' from?" Sully asked as he stopped just short of the bed.

"I'm not sure but I think from …" Michaela hesitated as fat tears swelled in her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to say it. "Please Sully, just go get Anna."

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 21, 1846**

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. Bare feet hitting wooden floorboards reverberated through the entire house. Ida glanced out the kitchen door into hallway leading to the foyer. Surely that wasn't Anna descending the stairs like that. Thump, thump, thump. Anna came into view; her eyes wide and her nostrils flaring.

"Anna?" Ida called. "Everything okay?"

"Where's Sully?" Anna asked as she joined Ida in the kitchen.

"Sent him out to the barn with John. He didn't want to go but I assured him Miss Michaela was gonna be alright. He's mighty upset though."

"I'm sure," Anna shook her head.

"Anna, ya alright? Ya cheeks mighty flushed. Why don't ya sit down for a bit?" Ida was concerned for the older woman.

"Now, don't go worrying about me. I'm fine - just real angry. If I had half a mind I'd take the train to Boston this afternoon and skin Elizabeth Quinn alive. That girl is thirteen years old and had no clue what is going on."

"Really? And with four older sisters? You mean no one told her.."

"Apparently not."

"So what have you told her?"

"Not much yet. I told her that this was normal; something all women go through but we need to talk more. She's washing up now. I am just so angry I could spit nails. Poor girl had herself all worked up."

"So what we gonna tell Sully?" Ida asked.

"I don't know, Ida. I don't really know what I'm going to tell Michaela. Never had a girl before. William had the talk with the boys. I never thought I'd have to do this." Anna sat down at the table trying to formulate a plan. She turned to Ida, "You had girls Ida what did you tell them?"

"Just basics. But then again I talked to 'em when theys younger than Michaela is. She probably gonna have lots of questions. She also gonna be mighty embarrassed when it hits her that Sully knows."

"I know it's a lot to ask but do you think John would be willing to talk to Sully?" Anna asked.

Just then John's voice called in through the screen door. "Ain't gonna make the boy hear it from a bunch of woman, now am I?" Ida and Anna laughed as John opened the screen door with a huge grin on his face.

"Thank you John," Anna returned.

"Ain't gotta be thankin' me. Don't mind really. Ain't nothing be embarrassed about."

Anna felt a little relieved knowing that John would talk with Sully. Turning her attention back to Ida, she said "So when Michaela's done washing up, I'll have her come down here so we can talk to her."

"What's this we?" said Ida. "Ya got a mouse in your pocket."

"Oh, come on, Ida. I have never done this before."

John laughed. "Ya better help her Ida. Miss Michaela is gonna be a hand full. Yes, sir, a hand full. Ya ask me I got the easy job."

"Alright, I'll help ya," Ida agreed turning back to the stove.

John leaned over and kissed Ida on the cheek. "That's my girl," he said. He smiled at both of them and with a nod of his head he exited into the back yard. The rain had finally let up and the sun was just beginning to break through the clouds. Sully stepped out of the barn carefully balancing a pail of milk in one hand while trying to close the door with his foot. John crossed the yard and took the pail from him.

"Here, I'll take this on in. Ya go on down to the boat. We gonna go check the crab traps."

Sully hesitated. "But what about Mike?"

"Aw, son, she's fine."

"But what's wrong with her?"

"Nothin' wrong with her; she just growin' up that's all." Sully looked confused.

"Look, Miss Michaela she gonna need some time alone this morning without ya. This be one of those times ya can't be pushin'. And truth is we need to talk." John put his hand on the boys shoulder. "Ya gonna understand real soon, 'kay?

Sully shook his head and turned slowly to head off towards the boat. He wasn't sure what John was talking about but he was relieved that Michaela was okay. Still he knew he would feel better if he could see for himself that she was alright. Picking up his pace he slipped around the front of the house and quietly opened the front door. He could hear John in the kitchen talking to Anna and Ida. Silently, he made his way up the front steps, carefully avoiding the stairs he knew creaked. When he arrived at Michaela's door he knocked softly.

"Come in," came Michaela's voice. He opened the door and stepped in. Michaela lay on the bed with her eyes closed so that she didn't see him as he entered. Sully made his way to the bed and lightly sat down on the edge. Still Michaela didn't move. Lightly he touched the back of her hand as it lay on her stomach.

"Ya okay?" he asked.

Michaela quickly opened her eyes and rolled away from Sully towards the other side of the room. Sully was taken back, afraid he had done something wrong. "Michaela?" he whispered, "What's a matter? Everyone says you're okay."

"Oh, do they? Glad to know everyone is an expert on how I feel," Michaela's words were scathing. Sully shifted uncomfortably on the bed afraid his presence was only upsetting her more. "Sully, please just leave me alone. I don't feel like talking right now," Michaela said refusing to look back at Sully.

Reluctantly, Sully got up from the bed. "Okay, Mike if that is what ya want." He was at a loss for what to do to help her. Slowly he made his way to the door, stopping to look back one more time. Michaela remained with her back to him. He sighed heavily as he turned the knob and exited the room. Quietly he slipped down the hall and listened at the top of the stairs for voices. He heard only Ida and Anna. Sully's heart beat a little quicker as he realized that John was probably on his way down to the boat. Hastily he made his way down the stairs, through the front door and across the lawn only to see John stepping into the boat. John looked up at him and shook his head.

"Ya went up there, didn't ya?" Sully didn't respond but simply walked over to the spring line to free the boat from the pier. "Pushin', that's what ya doin'. She talk to ya?" Sully shook his and then dropped his eyes to the ground ashamed to meet the older man's gaze. Sully joined John on the boat and they pushed off out into the river. Sully went and sat on the bough as John raised the main sail. Skillfully, John steered a course for the bay as the two traveled in silence. The sun was brighter now as the clouds had relented. The river was still choppy from the earlier storm and the boat bounced along the surface hitting the whitecaps. Spray from the water hit Sully, dampening his clothing but he barely noticed. His thoughts were miles away.

John noticed Sully's despondency and knew they needed to talk sooner rather than later. The wind was cooperating and they soon neared the location of their first crab pots. John brought the boat around while Sully worked to drop the anchor.

"Sully?" John asked taking a deep breath.

"Yeah?"

"I wanna ask ya somethin' and I figure it might be a little hard to talk about but it's gonna help ya understand what was goin' on with Michaela." Sully nodded slightly but kept his eyes fixed off the side of the boat. "Ya know where babies come from?"

Sully looked up taken by surprise at John's question. "Yeah," he answered wrinkling up his nose and squinting to see John better.

"Well, tell me about it."

"Why? Don't ya know?" Sully still look perplexed.

"Course I know," John responded taken a back by Sully's statement. "I was tryin' to see if ya know." John chuckled a little to himself. "So why don't ya tell me what ya know."

* * *

Shortly after Sully left, there came another knock at Michaela's door. "Michaela, you ready to come down and get something to eat?" Anna asked. Michaela reluctantly moved off the bed and opened the door.

"I'm not hungry," she said weakly. "I really just want to stay in bed."

"I know you do but we need to talk and you do need to eat."

"Can we talk up here? I really don't want to see Sully right now."

"Sully's gone off with John on the boat. They won't be back for a while so come on."

Michaela didn't respond but she sluggishly stepped out into the hall and pulled herself down the stairs. Anna followed her beginning to feel nervous about the upcoming conversation. Delicious smells wafted up the stairs to Michaela as she descended and her stomach growled reminding her she was rather hungry. The kitchen table was set for three and already held several items. Ida was busy taking fresh biscuits out of the oven when she turned around to see Michaela and Anna.

"Good mornin' Michaela," she said smiling widely.

"Morning," Michaela said dropping into one of the chairs at the table. Anna sat across from Michaela, while Ida took the end seat. Anna and Ida shared a glance but Michaela didn't notice as she dipped eggs onto her plate. The older women began dishing out food for themselves as well making small talk as they went along. It wasn't until they had finished eating that Anna spoke to Michaela.

"Michaela, I know what happened to you this morning was scary and a little embarrassing. But it's like I told you earlier, it is completely normal. It's just nature's way of telling you that you are growing up and that your body has matured enough to have babies," Anna stopped waiting for any indication that Michaela was even listening. Michaela was staring intently at her plate as she chased a grain of egg with her fork.

"I don't want babies," Michaela finally said still refusing to raise her eyes.

"Of course you don't right now but someday you probably will," Anna replied looking nervously at Ida. Michaela didn't respond as she finally caught the grain of egg and placed it in her mouth. "Michaela has your mother ever told you anything about where babies come from?" Anna asked changing tactic a little bit.

"Not really. I asked once and she got mad so I never asked again."

"That woman is a ninny!" Anna exploded as her earlier anger returned.

This got Michaela's attention and she looked up at Anna. "What's a ninny?" A slight smile was forming on her lips.

"A ninny is a five letter word describing your mother," Anna answered suddenly aware that she had spoken in haste.

Ida jumped in trying to get the conversation back on subject. "So where do ya think babies come from?"

Michaela shrugged. "I'm not stupid. I've seen a pregnant woman before."

"'Kay," said Ida. "And how do ya think she gets pregnant?"

"One time, Rebecca said that the man and woman both have a seed and they put it together to make a baby. But I think she was lying because that sounds ridiculous."

"Why does is sound ridiculous?" asked Anna feeling rather proud of Rebecca for providing that small amount of information.

"For one thing where do they get the seeds from? I mean do they sell them at the store. Can only married people buy them? And then how do they put the seed inside the woman? Does she eat it and a baby grows inside of her?" Michaela's tirade finally ceased. Anna and Ida both were having a hard time staying composed. Ida pressed her lips firmly together and looked down at her plate to conceal her smile.

Anna managed to choke back her laughter before responding. "Michaela, what Rebecca said is true but well maybe her word choice confused you. A man really does have a seed that his body makes. It's called sperm. And a woman she has a seed called an egg. Each month a woman's body starts building up a place for the baby to grow in and she releases an egg. If the egg meets the sperm then a baby is made. If the egg doesn't meet the sperm than the woman's body flushes out the place where the baby was going to grow. That is what is happening to you, Michaela, your monthly." Anna stopped and glanced at Ida who gave her an encouraging nod.

"So this is going to happen every month?" Michaela asked becoming slightly upset again.

"Yes, until you're older and then it stops again. After that you can't have any more children." Michaela nodded slowly taking in everything Anna had just told her. "So do you have any questions?" Anna asked tentatively.

Michaela thought for a moment and then said "You said the man's sperm is in his body and the woman's egg is in her body so how exactly do they put them together?"

Ida rolled her eyes and Anna blushed even though she didn't mean to. Somehow Anna had thought Michaela would put it all together in her head or maybe she had simply hoped.

Ida jumped in sensing Anna's hesistation. "Michaela, ya know that there are differences 'tween girls and boys, right."

"Yes," Michaela said showing more interest than she had all morning.

"Ya know what a girl looks like. How 'bout a boy?"

"Yes," said Michaela blushing. "I looked in one of my father's medical books before til mother caught me and made him put them all up."

"So ya know woman have an opening where her monthly comes out and well a man…"

"Oh," Michaela suddenly called out. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and her mouth was hanging slightly open. Ida and Anna weren't sure what to make of Michaela's outburst. "He puts it… but why?" Michaela crinkled her nose up at the thought.

"So they can make a baby," said Anna. "And well, believe it or not, it is enjoyable." Michaela's face told Anna she was having a hard time believing her. "But Michaela you need to understand that this is something for married people to share. It's meant to be enjoyed between husband and wife. It's the way they share their love with one another."

"Don't worry about me Anna. I am not ever doing that." Anna and Ida could neither one suppress a laugh. Michaela looked at them quizzically.

"You might change your mind," said Anna.

"Doubt it," replied Michaela.

**

* * *

****Boston, Massachusetts**

"I wonder what Mike and Sully are up to." Josef said as he sat on the back porch sipping lemonade. The sun was bright and a light breeze blew across the yard cooling off the porch nicely.

"Hmm," Elizabeth said as she emerged onto the porch carrying a tray of cookies. She offered them to Josef before joining him on the settee.

"The children, I wonder what there up to." Josef repeated lazily brushing a fly away from the tray. "I stayed with my grandfather when I was about Sully's age for a summer and then once again when I was a teenager. There is so much for a boy to do there and the river is so beautiful in the summer." Josef had a far off dreamy look in his eyes as his thoughts returned to the magical summers he had spent on the banks of the Choptank. He glanced over at Elizabeth and noticed she was frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just imagining Michaela running wild as a boy," she chuckled a little to hide her displeasure.

"Don't worry I know my mother is talking good care of them," Josef said misperceiving Elizabeth's statement.

"I'm not worried about that. It's just that well, Michaela is growing up. I don't know how wise it is to encourage her boyish behavior."

"Yes, she is growing up. Pretty soon we might have a boy problem on our hands," Josef chuckled now patting Elizabeth's hand. He could perceive that this conversation was going downhill rapidly and he was trying to delay the inevitable. It had been a wonderful week for the two of them and he didn't want to ruin it with a fight.

"I think we already have a boy issue," Elizabeth said.

"What do you mean?" Josef sat up a little straighter and turned in his seat to see Elizabeth better.

"Oh, Josef, I don't want us to fight but there is something we need to talk about."

"What is it?" Josef asked, his face becoming suddenly serious.

"It's Mike and Sully. I have observed some behavior that worries me. That's all." Elizabeth looked down at her dress and started straightening the pleats in her skirt aware that Josef had already taken the defensive. She needed to be careful, if she said the wrong thing it could mess everything up. But Josef needed to know; he had to be made aware of the possible danger.

"What kind of behavior?" Josef asked after a moment.

"I know you think of them as brother and sister but I'm not so sure they think of themselves like that," she hesitated afraid to go on just yet. Josef's brow wrinkled and he narrowed his eyes trying to grasp what Elizabeth was talking about.

"Why do you think that?" Josef asked.

"There have been a couple of incidents. Once I was coming home in the carriage and I passed the two of them returning from the Common holding hands."

"Elizabeth, children hold hands. That's not really that uncommon."

"I know and if that was the only thing then I wouldn't even be mentioning anything. One morning I was passing Michaela's room and the door was open half way. I heard voices from inside so I stopped to see who was in there. Josef, Michaela was seated at her vanity and Sully was brushing her hair." Elizabeth knew this was the strongest piece of evidence she had. She stopped letting Josef take in what she had just said. When he didn't speak up, she decided to continue. "They constantly are whispering to each other and giggling. And sometimes Sully looks at Michaela and she blushes." Silence filled the porch as Elizabeth quieted. She looked sideways at Josef trying to gage his reaction. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the floor a few feet away. He shifted uncomfortable and sighed heavily.

"Elizabeth, they are children. I agree Sully brushing her hair is frankly kind of odd but the other stuff. Children whisper and giggle and look at each other and hold hands." He shrugged his shoulders and turned his gaze on her. "I can talk to him or to both of them about the hair brushing if you like," he offered.

Elizabeth nodded and bit her bottom lip. "Maybe we should think about adopting Sully," she finally said.

"Adopt Sully?" Josef asked as he regarded his wife. He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"I have been thinking and well, Sully's been with us for about eight months. I know we haven't really ever talked about it."

"Elizabeth, I would love to adopt Sully. I guess I am just kind of surprised that you want to, that's all."

"I know I haven't taken to Sully like you and Mike have but I see how happy it makes you to have a son. I want you to have a son that can carry on the family name."

A huge smile broke out on Josef's face. He leaned over to kiss Elizabeth's forehead. "Nothing would make me happier," Josef said. "I can't wait until Sully gets back to tell him." Elizabeth smiled and took his hand in hers. Josef relaxed back into this seat as happiness coursed through him. His wife was coming around.

Elizabeth was happy too. She had managed to get through the whole conversation without it turning into a fight. The path lay clear in front of her now. She just had to convince him a little at a time. It was good for Josef to have a son then maybe he would stop indulging Michaela's doctor notions. She leaned her head on Josef's shoulder and squeezed his hand. Yes, everything was coming together nicely.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland**

The porch door opened and John stepped through with a bushel basket in his hands. The kitchen was deserted. "Ida. Anna," John called out. He heard movement coming from the other side of the house. Soon both women arrived in the door of the kitchen. "Ida , ya think ya could make me and Sully same sandwiches to take with us. We gonna go in and sell the crabs at the store and ain't had no lunch yet."

"Course," Ida answered. "Where's Sully?"

"He be along in a second. Sent him to pick some flowers for Michaela," John answered.

"How did things go John?" Anna asked unable to contain her curiosity anymore.

John smiled. "Already knew."

"What?" Ida exclaimed turning around. "He knew what was going on?"

"No, I had to tell him that Michaela had gotten her monthly," John dropped his voice as he said this last part frightened Michaela was close by. "But he knew what it was and how babies are made. Actually think he taught me a few things." John laughed out loud while Anna and Ida looked at one another with puzzled grins.

"John," Ida exclaimed. "Be serious."

"I am being serious. He knew names of things and all – like that boy some kind of expert."

"But how?" Anna asked.

"Guess your boy Joe already sat him down and talked to him 'bout it. Seems Michaela fell asleep in Sully's bed one night. 'lizabeth got herself all worked up over it. After that, Josef explained everthin' to Sully," John paused smiling. "He feels real bad that he embarrassed Miss Michaela. So he's gonna go in town wit me and pick her out a little present at the store. I told him I thought that would be real nice of him. How did things go here?"

Anna and Ida exchanged glances before both laughed. "Not quite that easy," smiled Anna. "But we managed."

"I told ya that girl is a hand full." All three of the adults joined in the laughter as Sully opened the screen door of the porch with an armful of flowers.

"Ida, do ya have a vase for these?" he asked not realizing the conversation he had intruded on.

"Sure do, boy. Ya want me put them up so ya can give 'em to Michaela yourself?" Ida asked as she finished packing the boy's lunch. Sully nodded and smiled.

"Ya ready to head into town?" John asked as he took the basket from Ida.

"Yeah, let's go," Sully replied turning and heading out the door with John right behind him.

* * *

Sully stood staring at the door. He shifted his feet uncomfortably on the floor. His stomach was doing backwards flips as his nervousness increased. He brought his hand up to the door and knocked closing his eyes and praying for a good response. The sound of feet crossing the room was like music to his ears. The door opened and there stood Michaela.

"Hi," he said shyly wishing he could erase the whole morning.

"Hi," Michaela answered as her cheeks grew crimson. She wanted to just shut the door and turn away. Her mind kept saying, "He knows, he knows."

"Dinner's ready," Sully said relieved that at least she hadn't turned away from him.

"I'm not really hungry."

"I'll let Anna know," Sully said his voice not able to conceal his disappointment at once again being shut out. Michaela started to close the door but Sully stopped her. "Hold on, I want to give you somethin'." Sully reached down and picked up the vase of flowers he had sat beside her door. "I picked these for ya today." Michaela took the flowers and smiled weakly.

"Thanks," she softly whispered.

"And I got ya somethin' else." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small item wrapped in a cloth and tied with a ribbon. He cast a nervous glance at her as he thrust it forward. As soon as it was securely in her hand, he turned and started down the hall calling behind him, "Hope ya feel better."

Michaela stood still staring at the spot where Sully had stood moments before. Slowly she turned and reentered her room. The vase of flowers was heavy in her hand as she awkwardly maneuvered them to the dresser. She still held the small package in her hand as she walked to the bed, confusion rising in her chest. Carefully, she laid the item on the bed and sat down in front of it. Her mind raced back to the morning. All day she had been relieving the events in her mind but only thinking about how embarrassed she felt. Never had she considered that Sully might be embarrassed too. What did he think of her now? Were things going to change between them?

Lightly she ran her fingers over the pink ribbon that held the cloth closed. She let her fingers pull lightly on one end of the bow until it came untied. Still she waited. Why she wasn't exactly sure. Her mind was spinning as she thought about the flowers and the present. Michaela had been fairly hateful to him all day. Why when she treated him so awfully was he so nice to her?

She grasped the edge of the cloth and pulled revealing a barrette. It was silver with a large pearl in the middle and smaller pearls surrounding it. Smiling she picked it up and walked to the vanity where she brushed out her hair. Pulling up the sides she twisted each of them and then snapped the barrette in place to hold them. Feeling better than she had all day she left her room to join the family for dinner.

As she descended the stairs she heard the voices and laughter coming from the kitchen. She hurried a little now not wanting to be left out. Yet when she arrived at the kitchen door her face dropped as she surveyed the room and realized Sully was not present.

"Michaela, did you decide to join us?" Anna asked.

"Yes," Michaela said absentmindedly taking her seat. Maybe he's using the outhouse she thought.

"Lookin' for Sully?" Ida asked a smile playing at the corner of her lips. Michaela bit her bottom lip but nodded. "He wasn't hungry either. Think he might be on the front porch."

"Thanks," Michaela whispered as she quickly rose from the table. As soon as she left the room, the three adults broke out in laughter.

"If them two ain't a mess," said John. "They gonna keep us rollin' all summer, yes, sir all summer."

Michaela opened the screen door and stepped out into the twilight. The sun had just descended below the horizon but its rays cast red and orange tints in the night sky. The first starts were out and Michaela quickly made a wish on one. Glancing around the porch, she spotted Sully at the end on the swing. He was starring at her but his face was serious. Michaela quickly walked down the porch and stood in front of him.

"May I sit down?" she asked. Sully didn't answer but he moved over. She sat trying to think how to begin. "Sully, is everything going to be alright?"

"Whadda ya mean?"

"Between us- is everything going to be alright? I mean do ya feel differently about me now that I well…"

Sully cut her off. "Mike, I think we should let the past be the past like Anna says. Ya know things happen that we can't control. But that don't got to change anything."

Michaela smiled then turned her head so Sully could see the barrette. "It's really pretty. Thank you."

"Your welcome," Sully reddened a little. "It ain't real or nothin' but it reminded me of ya."

"I don't care that it's not real. I love it," Michaela responded. Then without really thinking she laid her head on his shoulder. Sully relaxed and breathed in the fragrance of her hair. His arm was resting on the back of the swing and he gently moved it to wrap around her shoulder.

"Someday Michaela, I'm gonna buy ya a real one," he said softly leaning his head onto hers. "Ya deserve a real one."

"I don't care about that Sully. Just promise things aren't gonna change."

"I promise." Sully answered. Silence fell between them. Dinner called from the other room but neither wanted to leave the moment they were sharing. So they stayed on the porch watching the stars fill the night sky and the moon rise over the river.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland - Spring 1866**

The screen door opened and Sully stepped out onto the porch carrying some tea. Michaela had situated herself on the swing at the far end of the porch. Sully smiled as he joined her.

"Here ya go. Not as good as Ida's I'm sure, but it'll do." Michaela accepted her cup and motioned for Sully to join her.

"I'm so relieved she's alright."

"Me too. I know she's glad ya came."

"How could I not? I knew none of the doctors here were going to help her."

"John's real grateful too, Michaela. Ya saved her life." Sully took her hand in his.

Michaela smiled at him. "Thank you for coming with me. I know what a big step that was for you."

Sully smiled. "Maybe not so big a step. I never thought I'd see this place again. Real glad I got to." Sully reached into his pocket and pulled out a small package. "I got ya somethin'," he said handing it to her.

Michaela smiled as she opened it to find a silver barrette set with brilliant pearls. "Sully," Michaela exclaimed in surprise. "You didn't have to."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. 'Sides I made ya a promise that I was gonna get ya a real one some day. Can't go breakin' my promises."

Michaela smiled as she remembered that night so long ago. "That was the day I became a woman," she rolled her eyes as she said it. Sully chuckled. "Sometimes it amazes me how much you know about me."

Sully placed his finger on her lips. "Shh, there's something I have been itchin to do ever since we got here." Michaela looked at him quizzically as he stood and held out his hand to her. She took it and followed as he led her off the porch. The moon was bright in the night sky and a cool breeze blew over the yard. Michaela shivered a little as Sully stopped on the lawn. The stars twinkled down at them and the river sang it's sweet melody as crickets began to chirp. "Perfect," Sully said.

"Sully what are we doing?" Michaela asked.

Sully didn't respond except to pull her close. His hands wrapped around her waist as she brought her hands up to his neck. He leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips. Slowly he pulled away but Michaela pushed him back down to meet her lips again. This time the kiss grew heated as Michaela surprised Sully by darting her tongue out to meet his lips. Opening his mouth to her, he melted as her tongue found his. Michaela's knees felt weak and she pressed in closer to Sully to keep her balance. Sully gasped into her mouth as he felt her movement. He pulled back trying to calm his body's reaction. As Sully stepped back, Michaela wrapped her arms around his torso and laid her head against his chest.

"Michaela," he whispered resting his head against hers. "Promise me things will never change between us again."

"Never," she whispered.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 10, 1846**

"Can you believe we've been here almost a month, Sully?" Michaela asked as she sat perched on a branch of the large oak tree in the front yard. Sully stood to her right, his hands working to get a grip on the next branch so that he could swing himself up.

"That ain't as hard as thinkin' about havin' to leave in a little over two weeks," Sully sighed.

"Don't remind me. I don't even want to think about Boston or school or Elizabeth." Michaela emphasized this last part drawing out her mother's name. Sully laughed.

"I'd like to see her face if ya started callin' her Elizabeth?" Sully's hands slipped off the branch and he caught himself against the trunk. Michaela put out her hand to steady him. "Thanks," he said smiling down at her. Looking up at the branch and then down at his scraped up at hands, he decided to give up on climbing, choosing instead to sit down next to Michaela.

"Sully, since we only have two weeks left, I think we should make a list of everything we still want to do before we leave."

Sully shrugged. "If ya want."

"That way we won't miss out on anything." Sully shook his head and let out a low laugh. Michaela was always planning. She could never just relax and take the days as they came. Sully on the other hand was content to drift through each day just waiting for adventure to find them. He breathed in deeply, thinking about the weeks ahead and saying good-bye to this place. Michaela's voice interrupted his thoughts, "So what do you want to do?"

Sully shifted on the branch so that he could lean back against the trunk of the tree. He gave her question a moment's thought before answering, "I don't know."

"You can't think of anything?" Michaela said exasperated by Sully's lack of interest in her planning.

"Not right this instant. Whadda ya wanna do?"

Michaela blushed slightly and turned away from Sully, becoming suddenly interested in the house. "I..." she hesitated but Sully already knew what she was going to say.

"Ya wanna see the slaves on Thomas' plantation, don't ya?"

"Sully, I just want to see for myself what its like. I hear Father and his friends talk about abolition and slavery and I've read books but I need to see it for myself. I need to try to understand what their lives are like. Aren't you curious at all?"

"Yeah, some. I just don't know if we should go sneaking around someone else's property seein' that they have slaves. I mean don't the fact that they have slaves say somethin' about 'em." Sully had argued this same point just two afternoons before.

Michaela sighed. She really wanted to go but every time she mentioned it, Sully always found a reason not to go. If only there was a way to change his mind. That is when it hit her. Turning quickly to Sully she said "What? Are you scared?"

Sully wrinkled his brow up at her. "Not really, I just don't think it's a good idea."

"No, you're scared," Michaela teased.

"Mike, I'm not scared!"

"Then why won't you go?"

"I told ya; I don't think it's a good idea!" Sully was starting to get angry and the grin on Michaela's face wasn't helping matters.

Michaela turned over on the branch and began to lower her body down. She hung from just the branch by her hands and then made the short drop to the ground. "Well, you can stay here and be a baby if you want but I'm going." With that she turned and started to walk towards the house. The look in Sully's eyes had told her she was having the desired effect. She heard a dull thud behind her and knew Sully was starting to follow. She suppressed the urge to turn around but rather increased her pace.

Sully was right on her heels. His anger was palpable in his words. "I'm not a baby! Ya take that back!"

Michaela turned around, "Prove it."

"What?"

"Prove you're not a baby. Go with me to Thomas'."

"Mike, ya being stubborn! It's not safe to go sneakin' round there!"

"If we get caught it won't be a big deal. Thomas knows who we are."

"Yeah, he definitely knows who you are," Sully said cutting his eyes over at Michaela.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Means if ya wanna go so bad, why don't ya start makin' eyes at Thomas and I bet he'll be only too happy to invite ya."

Michaela's blood began to boil. She clenched her fists at her sides and narrowed her eyes. "Take that back or else.."

"Or else what?"

"Michaela! Sully!" Ida's voice called from the front door. Both children turned around at the sound of their names. "Come on, It's time to go into town. We's waitin' for ya." Michaela pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose at Sully then turned and headed up to the house. Sully followed her up onto the porch. "What's wrong with ya two?"

"Nothing," Michaela said as she swished through the door and headed towards the kitchen.

Ida looked at Sully. "Ya two fightin' bout somethin'?" Sully simply shrugged and started into the house.

* * *

The ride into town was quiet except for the steady trod of the horses' hooves and the occasional comment by Anna or Ida trying to draw one of the children into a conversation. Michaela refused to look at Sully, choosing to keep her eyes fixed on the scenery. Sully took the opposite approach and stared at Michaela almost the entire ride. Anna and Ida exchanged looks about their behavior. John occasionally glanced back at the foursome, shook his head and laughed silently.

Once in town, Anna took the children along with Ida and headed to the store. The store was busy with many people coming and going. Children played off to one side and Sully could just glimpse the river down to the left. A sign hung in the window announcing the annual Bay Country Festival. Anna smiled when she saw the sign, realizing this was the perfect chance to get Sully and Michaela's minds on something else.

"Look here. I had forgotten all about the Festival. I haven't been in several years but it was always fun when I was younger. There are games and food and even a dance that night. I think you both might enjoy it."

"That would be nice, Anna," Michaela replied casting a suspicious glance in Sully's direction.

"Sully?" Anna asked. Sully's eyes were focused across the street on a carriage that had just arrived. Anna and Michaela turned to see what Sully was staring at so intently. Thomas stood by the side of the carriage helping down a young girl. An older black woman climbed down after the girl and began walking towards the store with baskets in hand.

Sully turned to Michaela and raised his eyebrows. "Here's ya chance to get an invite," he said before turning and heading into the store. Michaela shot him a nasty look. Ida nodded to Anna to indicate she would go with Sully. Anna smiled briefly in understanding.

"Lord o'mercy, what is going on with you two?" Anna asked Michaela.

"He's just being a boy," Michaela answered nonchalantly. She was beginning to feel bad for starting the whole thing but at the same time, Sully had been way out of line.

Across the street Thomas had spotted Anna with Michaela. Sully was nowhere to be seen. He casually ran his fingers through his hair and walked over to where the two women stood.

"Afternoon, Miss Anna, Miss Michaela," Thomas greeted the two woman.

"Afternoon Thomas," Anna replied.

"Afternoon," Michaela mumbled. Her cheeks felt warm and she turned towards the store. Sully was staring out the window at her. As soon as she caught his eye, she snapped back to the front and suddenly became very animated. "How have you been Thomas?"

"Fine, Miss Michaela." Thomas said pleased that the girl was taking an interest in him. "How about yourself?"

"Oh I'm doing alright. I feel bad that we haven't gotten a chance to talk since that nasty incident on the pier. I haven't even apologized for Sully's behavior."

"I feel bad about that myself because I haven't had a chance to apologize to you." Thomas was smiling at her, mesmerized by her eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sully emerging from the store. Sully's eyes were fixed on Michaela though. He was for the most part ignoring Thomas. Ida had followed Sully out of the store when she had caught sight of Thomas talking to Michaela. Concern lined her face as she considered a repeat performance of the last time Sully saw Thomas and Michaela together.

"Ida, hows ya doin' today? We hasn't seen ya in awhile?" an older black woman said taking Ida's arm. Ida smiled at the older woman.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just had my hands full with Anna's grandchildren visitin'," Ida answered trying to be polite and keep an eye on Sully at the same time.

"That must be nice for Miss Anna. Is this her grandson?" The older woman indicated Sully.

"Not really but he just like a grandson to her. Let me introduce ya." Ida took Sully by the shoulder and turned him around to face the women. He tried to turn back but Ida kept a firm grasp on him. "Sully, this is Miss Mary," Ida said.

Sully who had just realized he was being introduced to someone mumbled something under his breath and tried to turn his body back around. Meeting resistance he settled for turning his face to the side in order to see Thomas and Michaela. Ida kept her hand in place just in case Sully might decide to lay into Thomas right in front of the store. Meanwhile, the young girl from the carriage curiously peered around Mary's skirt at Sully.

"Miss Mary it was real nice to see ya today," Ida said trying to end the conversation so that she could get Sully back in the store and away from Thomas. "Come on Sully, ya can help me with the shoppin'," Ida suggested tightening her grip on Sully once again.

"I don't wanna go shopping," he replied intent on staying outside.

Mary spoke up, "Well good ya can keep Miss Clara here company. She don't like shoppin' either." Sully who had been only half listening, nodded but still didn't turn around.

Ida reluctantly let go of Sully but leaned down before she left to whisper, "Behave yourself, Sully." Again, Sully only nodded still intently focused on Michaela.

"That's my brother, Thomas," came a delicate voice at his side. Sully continued to ignore her presence. "He really likes your sister. He talks about how beautiful she is all the time." This last part caught Sully's attention.

"She ain't my sister," he growled.

"Is that your mammy?" she asked pointing through the window at Ida.

"What's a mammy?" Sully's narrowed eyes were still fixed on Michaela though he was talking to Clara.

"You know, the slave woman who looks after the children and the house."

"Ida's not a slave and she ain't my mammy. She works for Anna." Sully returned angrily. Clara had managed to distract Sully for the moment. He now focused his anger in her direction. "'Sides it's wrong to have slaves!"

Clara considered this for a second before asking Sully another question. "How come she isn't your sister?"

"'Cause we ain't. My ma died and her father took me in so I wouldn't have to go to the orphanage."

"Aren't you adopted then? I'm adopted, that's how come Thomas is my brother."

"I ain't adopted so she's not my sister!" Sully was starting to tire of Clara's endless questions when Clara took him by surprise by leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"Is it true you're from New York?"

"Yeah,"Sully answered wondering why they were whispering.

"That's where I'm from. I lived there with my mama before the angels took her to heaven. Then I got a new mama." For the first time that afternoon, Clara had Sully's full attention. "Don't tell anybody but I miss my real mama. Do you ever miss your mama?"

"Yeah," Sully answered. Clara stepped back and smiled up at Sully feeling as though she had found a kindred spirit.

"Do you think Miss Anna would let you come over to my house?" Clara asked.

"Well," Sully hesitated.

"I could show you pictures of my real mama. And my mammy makes the best lemonade. You can even bring her if you want." Clara pointed over at Michaela. Sully considered the offer for a minute. Clara looked like the kind of girl who wanted to play dolls but here was a free and clear chance to go to the plantation and see the slaves. As much as he had told Michaela he didn't care whether or not he went, he was curious. Plus, he knew it would make Michaela happy. Even if right now he was mad at her, he loved seeing her smile when she got something she really wanted.

"That would be nice," Sully answered returning Clara's smile.

At that moment, Mary rejoined Sully and Clara, her arms loaded down with two baskets full of items. Sully quickly stepped forward and took one from her. "Thank ya, child," she said to him.

"Mammy, could we have Sully over tomorrow afternoon for lemonade?" Clara asked.

"Don't sees no reason why not." Mary replied. "Now go on and get your brother. We gots to get these things home and get dinner started."

Sully walked to the carriage with Mary while Clara ran over to collect Thomas.

"Thanks again, Mister Sully," said Mary.

"You're welcome," Sully smiled at her. He couldn't help feel bad for this woman who belonged to someone else like a horse or mule might. Thomas and Clara joined them at the carriage.

"We'll see you tomorrow around two, right Sully?" Clara asked as she climbed into the rig.

"Yeah," Sully smiled.

"What?" said Thomas looking first at Clara and then at Sully.

"I invited Sully and …." Clara hesitated realizing she didn't know the girl's name.

"Michaela," Sully added.

"Over tomorrow afternoon," finished Clara as she wrinkled up her nose with excitement. Thomas raised his eyebrows but then looked over at Michaela who still stood in front of the store.

"Good," he said waving to Michaela. The three settled into the carriage while the driver gave a flick to the reigns. Clara waved to Sully as they rode off.

Sully stood for a moment watching the carriage recede in the distance, before setting off to join Michaela in front of the store. Anna was gone now and Sully figured she must be inside. "Ida and Anna in the store?" he asked forgetting to be upset with Michaela.

"Who was that you were talking to?" Michaela asked ignoring Sully's question.

"Thomas' sister, Clara."

"I see," Michaela said her eyes blazing with jealousy.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You two looked might cozy over there whispering about me."

"We weren't whispering about you," Sully shot back. "'Sides I saw ya through the window batting your eyes at Thomas and tellin' him how sorry ya were for my bad behavior when he's the one who was out of line."

"If you are going to be mad about me spending time with Thomas, I might as well tell you that Thomas has invited me to go to the Bay Country Dance with him this weekend."

"That's nice," Sully mocked. "Did ya get an invite to the house as well?"

"Not yet but I will." Michaela smiled smugly.

"Guess I might as well tell ya that Clara has already invited me over tomorrow afternoon," Sully returned, knowing he was getting to Michaela.

"Oh, she has, has she? Well, I hope the two of you will have great fun playing tea party and dressing her dolls."

"Be a lot better than havin' some ugly boy tryin' to kiss ya all night. Oh, but I forgot, ya like that sort of thing."

"Byron Sully, I can't believe you just said that! You make me so mad! If I wasn't a girl I would haul off and hit you right now."

"Don't let that stop ya," Sully flashed back. Their voices had long ago elevated to a level that was attracting attention. Michaela noticed the stares of those around her and tried to compose herself.

Stepping back slightly and smoothing the front of her dress, she said in her calmest voice possible, "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from speaking to me for the rest of the day since you don't have anything nice to say."

"Yeah, well, I don't want ya talkin' to me either,"

"Fine with me!" Michaela shouted back. Throwing her nose in the air, she turned and walked over to a bench on the side of the store. She sat down refusing to even look in Sully's direction. Michaela clenched the edge of the bench in her fingers feeling the rough wood under her fingertips. Why was he being like this? For that matter, why was she being like this? She had lied to him. Well, not exactly a lie, more of a deception. True, Thomas had invited her to the Bay Country Dance. She had simply neglected to tell Sully that she had turned him down. It didn't matter anyway – Sully deserved to think she was going with Thomas after watching him whispering with Clara. Michaela clenched her jaw and increased her grip on the bench until her hands were shaking.

Sully turned and marched off in the opposite direction as Michaela, angrily kicking stones out of his way. At one point that afternoon, he had actually looked forward to telling Michaela that he had gotten them an invitation to the plantation. Now, he wouldn't take her with him if she begged. She didn't even have a right to be mad at him. It was her who had begun the whole thing this morning, calling him a baby and whatnot. Then her behavior with Thomas had just cinched the whole deal; apologizing for his bad behavior when Thomas was the one who clearly lacked manners. He thrust his hands in his pockets and glared in Michaela's direction, daring her to look at him.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

"You shouldn't be here," she whispered pulling him into her room, frightened that someone had already seen him.

"I know but I had to see ya."

"Why?"

"'Cause I want you to know why I'm marrying Abigail."

"I don't care. I already told you- the past is the past. You're my brother, nothing more."

"You don't mean that, Michaela."

"Are you accusing me of lying?"

"It wouldn't be the first time you lied to me."

Michaela gulped. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You lied to me about Thomas when we were kids."

"We were kids, Sully."

"You lied to me about your reasons for not wanting to marry me."

"That was different. I couldn't tell you."

"Why Michaela, why? We've always had our disagreements but we always made things right between us. Why did you walk away this time?"

"I told you – I don't feel that way about you anymore."

"Then why are you shaking right now? Why, when you stepped off that stage did you hug me like that? Why did you leave the party tonight?"

"I told you, I'm not feeling well."

"Another lie, Michaela."

"Sully, please just leave."

"No Michaela not until ya tell me that ya don't love me anymore. Look me in the eye and tell me and I'll leave."

"What does it matter? You're getting married tomorrow!"

"I don't care, Michaela. If you ask me to, I'll go tonight and tell her the wedding's off."

"Sully, you can't do that. That poor girl will be devastated."

"Tell me, Michaela. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't feel anything for me. Tell me you don't think about me constantly. Tell me you don't wake up at night in a cold sweat regretting every moment we've spent apart."

"I can't," she whispered.

"What?"

"I can't," she repeated. Her shoulders dropped and her tears began to flow freely.

Sully went to her and took her in his arms. For a moment, she let herself be comforted. Soon it would all be over. Never again would these arms hold her. "Michaela," Sully breathed. His voice was full of longing and desire. She turned her face up to him, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. Forgetting everything, he dipped his head and placed light kisses on her eyelids. He felt her relax into his embrace and he continued kissing her cheeks and nose, finally arriving at her mouth. Softly he kissed the corners of her mouth before lowering his lips onto hers. She shivered in his arms and he pulled her closer. It was only when she felt his tongue on her lips that Michaela came to her senses. Hastily, she pushed him away.

"We can't," she said moving away from him.

"Michaela, don't push me away," Sully pleaded.

"I'm sorry Sully. I really am but we can't be together. We just can't. I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. And Abigail- oh what have I done Sully. That poor girl. You've got to go. Please just go."

Sully didn't want to leave. He couldn't believe that Michaela would really push him away again but she was. He stood stunned for a moment and then the shock wore off and the old wounds ripped open. He staggered to the door. He had to get out of this place before he grabbed her and did something he would regret. He needed to get out. Wrenching open the door, his heart stopped. There in the middle of the hall stood Abigail.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 12, 1846**

"Thomas stopped by real early this morning, you two," Ida said bringing more biscuits to the table. "Said his ma wanted y'all to come early today for lunch. That way everyone could meet ya."

Michaela almost choked. "What?" she said a little louder than intended, glaring at Sully.

"Ain't you and Sully supposed to go over to the Brooks' this afternoon?" Ida asked puzzled at Michaela's confusion.

"Someone must have forgotten to tell me I was invited," Michaela said haughtily, her eyes shooting daggers at Sully.

"Ya weren't invited. Clara said I could bring ya if I wanted to- there's a difference." Sully shot back.

"Sounds like Thomas wants me to come even if you don't," Michaela snapped.

"Michaela and Sully!" Anna's tone was stern. "Stop it this instant. I know you two have had some sort of disagreement but I am done mediating. We had quite enough of it yesterday. Both of you will act civilly towards each other. Is that clear?" Both children nodded their heads as eyes dropped to their plates. "I would have thought the air would have cleared by now," said Anna as she helped herself to a fresh biscuit.

"May I be excused?" Michaela asked suddenly.

"You've barely eaten anything." Anna surveyed her full plate.

"I'm not very hungry."

"Okay," Anna agreed almost happy to be rid of the sulking Michaela. Neither one would tell her what they were fighting about. If the truth be known they probably didn't even know what they were fighting about. Anna had hoped after the rocky evening they had experienced, that a good night's sleep would do them both some good. She was sure that by morning they would have forgotten their differences but the opposite seemed to be true – if anything they were madder now than the night before.

Unlike Michaela, Sully wasn't allowing the argument to ruin his appetite as he sat at the end of the table happily eating his third biscuit.

Not one to give up and still feeling curious, Anna tried again. "Sully, want to tell me what's going on between you two?"

Sully simply shrugged and with a mouth full of biscuit asked, "May I be excused?"

"I suppose," Anna agreed without even correcting him for talking with food in his mouth. Sully left the kitchen for the backyard leaving the three adults alone.

"You know what's goin'on tween them two John?" Ida asked her husband whose eyes twinkled with suppressed laughter.

"Like we don't all know. Ain't nothin' but jealousy. I done seen Miss Michaela out front of the store makin' eyes at that Brooks boy. Sully starin' straight at 'em the whole time."

"Do you think Sully is doing the same with Clara?" Anna asked.

"He don't gotta make eyes at her. Miss Michaela seein' them together is enough. Hope they both behave this afternoon or we might have another fight to deal with."

"I can't believer ya lettin' 'em go Anna." Ida stood and started clearing the plates away from the table. "Ya know how them people are. Ya know what they gonna see."

"That is precisely why I am letting them go. I remember when both my boys spent the summer here with my father, they came back changed. Do you really think either one of them would work as hard on abolition causes if they had not seen firsthand that slavery was wrong. I want Michaela and Sully to see it for themselves."

I guess I'm 'fraid it might be too much for 'em. Ya know what the Brooks are like. Don't think your daughter-in-law take kindly to the idea of them goin' either."

"And since when did I start caring what Elizabeth thought. Never sugar coated things before. Don't see no reason to start now."

Ida chuckled. "True enough, Anna, true enough."

* * *

The rest of the morning passed quietly enough. Michaela and Sully had rarely heard Anna raise her voice, so they had known she meant business by her tone. Michaela had hidden herself away in her room, taking her time getting ready for the luncheon. Digging around in her closet, she had removed the dresses from Boston finally settling on a light blue one. There had been few opportunities for her to wear her Boston clothes but she wanted to look her best today. If she had been speaking to Sully, she would have reminded him to wear his Boston clothes as well but it would serve him right to show up at lunch looking like a stable boy.

When she finally descended the stairs to leave for the Brooks' house, she had been slightly shocked to discover Sully in the suit he normally reserved for church. Sully felt strange as he watched Michaela descend the stairs. The dress she wore hugged her form, which seemed to be different than what he remembered. For the past month he had seen her in baggy cotton shirts that were loose for comfort's sake. The light blue material of the dress clung to every curve making Sully feel nervous inside. Soft curls floated down her back with just the top of her hair pulled back. The day was already extremely warm but Sully felt even warmer as he watched her. His cheeks were on fire and try as he may he could not remove his eyes from Michaela.

As they sat down in the carriage, Sully breathed in the comforting smell that he had come to associate with Michaela – sweet and fresh like the air after a spring rain. A strange urge to bury his face in her hair overcame him. He would have settled for simply holding her hand or even their knees touching as they rode along in the carriage but both appeared to be out of the question. Michaela placed herself as far from him as possible and turned immediately away from Sully. Her own stomach was in knots. An excitement had been building there all morning. The prospect of finally visiting a plantation with true slaves was materializing. At the same time, a sense of dread had descended upon her as she considered the possibility of having to spend time alone with Thomas. As long as others were around, she could be fairly certain he would not be too forward but she didn't exactly trust him if they were alone. There was a way that he looked at her that made her skin crawl.

John drove the carriage up the lane that led to the Brooks' house. The house was similar in style to Anna's though it appeared to be smaller. It sat closer to the river than Anna's house as well. Michaela and Sully could see Thomas and Clara waiting for them on a side porch. Both descended from the house as John jumped down to assist Michaela out of the carriage.

"I'll be back to get y'all around four," John told them as he nervously eyed the door of the house. If ya be wanting to come home sooner you can always walk."

"Four will be fine, John," Michaela said smiling graciously.

"I'll see y'all then. Make sure you behave." John quickly remounted the carriage and set off back down the lane, glad to be driving off the Brooks' property. He always felt nervous around people who still owned slaves.

Thomas approached Michaela from the side, a wide smile on his face. "You look absolutely radiant," he offered giving a slight bow.

"Thank you," Michaela demurely answered lowering her eyes and blushing appropriately. Sully rolled his eyes and shook his head. He couldn't stand a whole afternoon of Michaela acting like her sisters.

"Michaela, it is nice to meet you," greeted Clara interrupting Sully's thoughts. Clara turned then to Sully and smiled up at him as she took his hand. Michaela's eyes narrowed. "Mama and Papa are in the house. They can't wait to meet you both." Clara practically dragged Sully into the house with Thomas and Michaela following along behind.

If the outside of the house had appeared less grand than Anna's house, the inside certainly made up for it. The floors were covered with rich rugs and the furniture reminded Sully of their house in Boston. There wasn't much time to take in the surroundings as Clara was a girl on a mission.

The dining room was their final destination and it was as grand as the rest of the house. The Brooks' were waiting for the children and both rose from the table to greet their guests. Mrs. Brooks was a small petite blond woman who was very pale, almost as if she was fading away. Mr. Brooks by contrast was a large man, tanned by the sun but with the same light hair that Thomas had and brilliant blue eyes.

Mr. Brooks overlooked Sully and Clara for the moment turning his attention instead to Michaela and Thomas. "You must be Michaela," he said warmly. "My son said you were a lovely young woman and I see now that he did not exaggerate."

Michaela met his eyes and shivered. The way he was looking at her made her feel funny and she wished suddenly that she had worn her play clothes. Still she was polite, curtseying to first Mr. Brooks and then Mrs. Brooks. "Thank you both so much for the invitation to lunch. Sully and I have been looking forward to it all morning."

Mr. Brooks turned now and acknowledged Sully. "And you must be Sully. I hear you gave my son quite a hard time for being a little forward with your sister."

"Mr. Brooks," Sully took the older man's hand and shook it firmly. "Yes, me and your son did have a misunderstanding 'bout Michaela."

"No one can blame a brother from wanting to protect his sister," Mrs. Brooks finally spoke.

"Mrs. Brooks," Sully greeted her. "Michaela and I are happy to be here. And just so you know, Michaela ain't my sister."

"Oh, we just assumed," began Mrs. Brooks but Michaela interrupted her.

"What Sully means is that he is not officially my brother but you might as well say we are brother and sister." Michaela caught Sully's eye silently begging him to drop the subject. The look on Sully's face was one almost of hurt. She couldn't figure out what he was thinking but for the first time since their fight had begun she was concerned that she had truly upset him.

Soon after introductions were made, lunch was served. Sully barely spoke throughout the meal allowing Michaela to answer the Brooks' questions. Time seemed to drag by slowly. There was an uneasiness in the house that Michaela and Sully had both picked up on from the minute they entered. Mrs. Brooks rarely spoke, hardly ate and excused herself before dessert was even served. After lunch, Mr. Brooks had also excused himself while the children made their way to the porch.

* * *

How the events of the afternoon unfolded after that remained somewhat of a blur to both Michaela and Sully later that evening. Michaela had left with Thomas on a tour of the plantation. Sully had been forced to stay with Clara who had not warmed to the idea of walking around in the hot afternoon sun. Sully remembered looking at pictures of Clara's angel mother as she called her. He remembered drinking the lemonade that Mary made especially for them but somehow everything else was erased from his mind when he first saw Michaela running towards the porch. Her face was ghostly white and tears streaked her cheeks. Her breathing was fast and irregular and Sully knew something was very wrong. Quick as a flash, Sully had descended the porch steps and Michaela had literally thrown herself against him.

"Sully," she whispered unable to find her voice. "Home, I need to go home."

"Are ya okay? Did Thomas" but Michaela cut him off.

"No, not Thomas. Please, take me home,"

About that time Mary descended the porch steps and saw a visibly shaken Michaela. "Children, everythin' alright?" she asked.

Michaela briefly shook her head at Sully her eyes speaking volumes to him. Finally he turned to Mary. "Mike, is just feelin' bad. She's got a stomachache. I think I better take her home."

"Well, let's me see if I can get Big Ben to get the carriage ready." Mary turned to head towards the barn. Michaela held tightly to Sully's shirt and gave a brief but violent shake of her head.

"That's okay. We can walk." Sully spoke stopping her.

"Ya sure? Miss Michaela is lookin' pretty poorly."

"I'll be fine," Michaela answered, trying hard to smile and pretend that everything was alright. Quickly she had grabbed Sully's hand and pulled him away from the house. Sully turned briefly to wave at Clara who had just descended the porch steps, trying to figure out what was going on. By the time they had reached the edge of the woods, Michaela let go of Sully's hand and sprinted down the lane. Sully took off after her but was having a hard time catching up. Their pace slowed a little, but Michaela continued running for quite some time. Eventually she stopped and leaned against a tree. Sully slowed his pace, approaching her cautiously. Sobs escaped her throat and she was visibly shaking now. Sully laid a gentle hand on her back and Michaela turned into him wrapping her arms around him while laying her head on his shoulder. Sully still had no idea what was going on but he encircled her with his arms holding her until she calmed a little.

"Michaela?" he whispered. "What's wrong?"

"I… I heard something," she stuttered.

"What did ya hear?"

"I can't," she struggled against Sully.

"Shh. It's okay," he soothed but Michaela broke free of his arms and ran into the woods. Sully didn't realize what was happening until he saw her bending over and heard her retching. Quickly he made his way to her and held her hair away from her face while she emptied her stomach contents onto the forest floor.

"I'm sorry," she cried as she took the handkerchief that Sully offered her.

"Don't have to be sorry. Come 'ere, you need to sit down for awhile." Sully took her arm and led her back towards the road finally choosing to sit down against a large tree. He had no clue what time it was but if they stayed near the road, John would see them on his way to the Brook's house. Sully sat with his back against the tree wrapping an arm around Michaela who had buried her face in her hands.

Softly, Sully spoke to her. "Michaela, ya can tell me. What's got ya so upset?" His arm on her back felt her body tense and then relax as she slowly withdrew her hands from her face.

As the words began to flow from her, she closed her eyes and gripped Sully's free hand. Her words came quickly as if she was trying to rid herself of the experience through speaking alone.

"Thomas was showing me the plantation but we hadn't seen the slave quarters. He said it wasn't very interesting. Wanted me to go boating with him instead. But I had to see it. I told Thomas I needed to be excused to go to the bathroom. Headed towards the slave quarters. She was beautiful Sully. I have never seen a more beautiful child. Her eyes were so blue against her dark skin. She was playing outside of a little shack and then she covered her ears. There were screams. She was screaming." Michaela broke down and began to cry again.

"Who Michaela? Who was screaming?" Sully was having a hard time following Michaela's story. Was the little girl screaming? No, she was covering her ears. Must have been someone else.

After a moment, Michaela regained her composure enough to continue. "Don't know who was screaming. A man's voice- Mr. Brooks' voice. Threatening - telling her to stop fighting and hold still or he would hurt the little girl. Sully that little girl – those eyes- I've seen them before. They're his eyes. That was his little girl. Felt sick- needed you - had to find you. I ran and ran." Michaela was out of breath and she gasped for air as these last words left her mouth. Somehow, sharing the experience with Sully had allowed the tightness in her chest to ease some. Tears still flowed unchecked down her face but she drew against Sully's side seeking his comfort.

"Shh. It's okay," Sully soothed. "You found me. I'm here."

"Why would he do that Sully?"

"He's not a nice man, Michaela."

"I just didn't realize… I didn't know… I never thought…he made her Sully. He made her."

* * *

Dinner that evening was a somber affair. Neither Michaela nor Sully had told the three older people what had occurred that afternoon. Anna had assumed their reaction was simply due to having seen the cruelty of slavery for themselves. In a way it was, but it went deeper than that for both of them. An innocence had been shattered that afternoon that neither could reclaim and it hung heavy on both of them. They didn't feel like eating or talking. Both of the children, simply pushed food around their plates until Anna had excused them from the table.

Now Anna stood in the dark ballroom watching them out of the window. Sully sat on the porch swing. Michaela was curled in a ball beside him, her head resting in his lap. Softly Sully stroked her hair as the two exchanged whispered words and occasional smiles. Ida and John joined Anna at the window as she spied on the two children.

"Looks like they done made up," whispered John to the two women.

"Sure does," agreed Ida laughing softly. "It's so funny to watch those two together. I know they're just children but sometimes I look at them…" she hesitated unsure of the best way to describe what she saw between Sully and Michaela.

"Like two halves of a whole," said John considering what Ida had started to say.

Anna shook her head. "No, not two halves of a whole. They are both so strong, so independent I can't think of them as halves of anything. But when you see them together like this – it's like they just know each other so well. Entwined – they are two wholes that are bound together in some way." She shook her head fearing she wasn't making any sense.

"It's gonna be hard," Ida breathed. "Everyone makin' them brother and sister."

Anna considered this. "You're right, Ida. It's going to be hard for them. Confusing too." They stood for a moment just watching. "How do you convince the world you're not what they think you are?" Anna whispered to no one in particular. Silence met the question but it wasn't necessarily meant to be answered. Instead, it traveled away into the night to be considered by others at some different place and time. Yet it would prove to be the hardest question Michaela and Sully would ever face.

**

* * *

****Boston, 1853**

Candlelight glowed softly around the room illuminating faces of family and friends. A light breeze floated through the open windows carrying the scent of the first spring blooms. The night was clear and stars twinkled down upon Beacon Hill. Music filled the night air as well as laughter and talking. Josef stood at one end of the room deep in discussion, his laughter carrying across the room. Elizabeth, in all her glory, was making yet another sweep of the room playing hostess. Michaela felt nearly invisible as she stood near the front window politely smiling at the passing guests but she didn't care. There was only one person she wished to see and he had not arrived. Back and forth her eyes roamed the street, searching for just a glimpse of his masculine frame. Mindlessly she lifted a finger to her lips, smiling to herself as she remembered the kiss they had shared that afternoon. For many months she had dreamed of his kisses yet she had forgotten how deep and consuming the experience always was. Fear had gripped her momentarily as he had descended upon her lips. Was she doing it right? Then nothing seemed to matter as his tongue found hers. Blushing at her thoughts and the desire that rose in her chest, she turned her eyes to the floor and wondered how she would be able to be with him at the party without giving into her desires.

Turning her head again to look out the window, she glimpsed his form ascending the front steps. It took every ounce of energy she had not to run to the door and throw it open. Taking deep breaths, she reminded herself not to act too eager but knew it was a losing battle. She heard the knock and she clasped her hands together. Where was Harrison? Why was he taking so long? Waiting, just waiting, she clenched and unclenched her hands. The door opened and he stepped in. Her heart sped up at the sight of him and she smiled shyly when he caught her eyes. As if drawn to her side, Sully hastily crossed the room, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Sorry, I'm late," he said.

"Where's Daniel?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm late. I was waiting for him but he never returned."

Nerves suddenly get the best of her. It was if she had forgotten how to breathe and had to force herself to take each breath. Trying to calm herself, she turned to him. "Do you want to dance?"

"Sure," he grinned, "but I better warn ya I haven't danced in quite a while."

"Just let me lead," she said smiling. Together they made their way to the floor. One hand found her waist as the other gripped her hand. Their hands and eyes locked as Michaela's hand gripped his shoulder. A new song began and they moved to its rhythm, Michaela guiding him around the floor. Michaela felt exasperated though. She wanted to be held closer. The need to feel his lips on hers was too great. What was she thinking? What was wrong with her?

"What are ya thinkin about?" Sully asked giving her a knowing glance. Michaela blushed deeply, realizing Sully had read her mind. "Me too," he whispered and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm too warm," Michaela said, "I need air." Sully let her go but followed her off the dance floor. Moving quickly, she made her way to the foyer turning once to make sure he was following. Sully stepped towards the front door ready to open it for her but she shook her head, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. Through the dining room and into the kitchen, she led and he followed. Turning every few moments, Michaela made sure he was still following. Each look was sultrier than the last. Sully was smiling. He had never seen Michaela like this. What was she doing to him? Through the deserted kitchen, out onto the back porch, he followed. Michaela stopped and turned.

"Are ya okay?"

"I feel ..."

"Uh-huh?"

"Like running." She smiled before taking off down the stairs and into the black night. This was not what Sully had expected her to say, so it took him a moment to realize she meant for him to give chase. By the time he descended the stairs, he had already lost sight of her.

"Michaela," he whispered loudly into the enveloping darkness. No reply at first and then a soft giggle. Moving stealthily in the direction of her laugh, he stopped and hid behind a tree. The breeze blew the scent of her perfume to him and he knew she was near. Holding his breath, he listened and then she giggled again. Swiftly he stepped out from behind the tree, trapping her between the trunk and himself.

"I caught ya," he said.

"So I see." Her voice was breathy.

"Do I get a prize?" he asked.

"Hmm. I don't know about that." she teased. He couldn't take the game any longer. Leaning in, he pushed her further back against the trunk. One hand held onto the tree, the other found her waist. He was only inches from her now. "Sully," she invited as he drew closer.

"Hmm?" he asked stopping suddenly, afraid he had misread her. His hot breath blew against her cheek. She didn't say anything. Her eyes were tightly shut and her hands gripped the trunk of the tree behind her. "Is this alright?" he asked suddenly unsure of himself.

"What?" she responded taken aback.

"Ya okay with me kissin ya?"

She laughed nervously. "You sure know how to drain all the romance out of the moment." He studied her carefully, then quickly leaned down and brought his lips to hers. The first kiss was light and unsure. Sully repressed his desire not wanting to scare Michaela. He drew back slightly to see her face better. Anxiously, she licked her lips in anticipation. Removing her hands from the tree, she wrapped them around his back drawing him close. "Sully kiss me like you mean it," she whispered against his ear. Again, their lips met but this time a fire began to burn within each of them. Every time one pulled away the other drew them back. They couldn't get enough of each other. She shivered as his tongue began to massage hers and she surprised herself as she mirrored his movements. Bodies pressed into one another and hands were moving and gripping. Neither was in control and it felt good. Yet Sully knew he had to stop or else things would rapidly get out of hand at the pace they were moving. Reluctantly, he pulled away, stepping a few feet from Michaela. Michaela was startled by his sudden movement.

"Sully?" she questioned. Fear gripped her heart. Had she done something wrong? Was she too bold? "Sully, am I.." she hesitated.

"Michaela, I ..." he smiled down at her and without words she understood why he had stopped. "I guess we've been holdin' that back for several months."

"You know I'd never be like that with anyone else," Michaela whispered trying to reassure herself.

"You better not be," he said jokingly. "Guess we better get back inside. I haven't even wished your father happy birthday."

"Could we just sit out here for a little while?"

"Ya askin' like I'm gonna say no." Sully sat and leaned back against the tree. Gently he took her hands and pulled her down into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. Nuzzling her head in the crook of his neck, she pressed light kisses there. Sully's senses were reeling as Michaela brought her hand up to stroke the side of his face.

"Sully, I wish we didn't have to hide us," she whispered turning her face up so that her sweet breath tickled his ear.

"Yeah, but it is fun sneakin' around," he added squeezing her gently.

"It is. I guess I just wish..." His fingers ran softly across her lips quieting her.

"Shhh, don't go frettin'. Just enjoy this moment."

She smiled up at him with such love in her eyes that he couldn't resist bringing his lips to hers once more. Again, the same passion waited just under the surface consuming each of them. The feel of her, the smell of her, and the taste of her was sending Sully over the edge. When her tongue caressed his bottom lip, he moaned softly and deepened the kiss. This time it was Michaela who pulled back but the same understanding look was shared setting them both at ease. Settling down against him once again, she quieted in his arms, reveling in the blackness that hid them, knowing in moments they would have to reenter the house and pretend they were nothing more than brother and sister.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Colorado Springs, December 1859**

The heavy fall of a boot crunching into the frozen ground startled her. Her body was shaking. So cold. She had never felt this cold before. A twig snapped. Someone was getting closer. Quickly she sat up wrapping her arms around her body, looking down for the first time since the attack. The first thing she noticed was her fingernails. Each caked with dried blood from where she had tried to fight him off. She shivered as the memory came rushing back. His hot rancid breath and his rough hands – they had been all over her. Holding her down, pushing her body into the cold ground. Bruises were already forming on her wrists and she could taste warm blood in her mouth where he had slapped her. Then she heard the sound of footsteps again. She tried to stand but her legs – what was wrong with her? Was he coming back? Fear gripped her heart. What did it matter? Despair overtook her and at that instant she wished he had killed her. She lost the desire to run and instead laid back down on the ground curling up into a little ball. The footsteps stopped just in front of her. Her eyes were closed tightly and she wished she could just disappear into the earth.

A gentle hand touched her arm. "Oh my god," he gasped. But before she had a chance to respond or even open her eyes, she felt a coat being laid over her body and two strong arms picking her up. "You're safe now," whispered his soothing voice.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 13, 1846**

"Are ya okay?" Sully questioned as he looked up at Michaela perched on a limb of the giant oak.

"Fine," Michaela answered giving him a weak smile. Sully knew she was lying because he had heard her whimpering in her sleep the night before. Softly he had crept to the door to her room to comfort her, only to find the door locked. Sully considered her for a moment but Michaela refused to meet his eyes.

"Is breakfast ready?" she asked.

"Yeah." Michaela lowered herself off the branch and dropped to the ground. Without looking at Sully, she started up towards the house. "Mike," Sully called after her. She turned meeting his eyes for the first time all morning. "Can we talk for a second?"

"Okay, about what?"

"I think you should tell Anna about yesterday." Sully's statement was met with silence as Michaela once again dropped her eyes to the ground. "Michaela you can't pretend this isn't bothering you. I heard you last night. I wanted to come to you but the door was locked."

"I know. I was scared," she explained.

"Of me?"

"No, of course not. I just kept thinking about that little girl and that woman. When I closed my eyes, it just wouldn't go away." Tears filled Michaela's eyes threatening to fall. "I kept thinking what if.." Michaela drifted off.

"What if it happened to you?" Sully completed her thought. Michaela nodded her head as Sully crossed the short distance between them. He half expected Michaela to turn away from him but when she didn't he reached down and took her hands in his own. Slowly she raised her head to look at him. "Michaela, I would never let anyone hurt you."

"I know," she whispered gripping his hands tighter. "But she had no one to protect her. It's not fair, Sully. It's not fair!" Her tears now slipped down her cheeks and Sully let go of her hands only to wrap his arms around her protectively. Michaela laid her head on his shoulder drawing comfort from the warm cocoon of his arms. The injustice of the situation still weighed heavily on her and she felt powerless to do anything. This feeling was new to her and she didn't like it.

"Michaela," Sully softly spoke her name, "I still think you should tell Anna." Unbeknownst to Sully or Michaela, Anna had already crossed the yard and stood a few feet away.

"Tell me what?" she asked as she observed the two locked in a tight embrace. Sully dropped his hold on Michaela as they both turned to observe Anna. "Did something happen yesterday?" she asked. A questioning look was shared between Sully and Michaela making Anna fear that the trip to the Brooks' house had been too much for them. Michaela grabbed Sully's hand and nodded while she wiped away her tears with her other hand.

"Not now, after breakfast," she said. Sully raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. "I'm starving," she explained as her stomach grumbled in added protest. The three of them chuckled and Anna felt a sense of relief as they made their way up to the house.

**

* * *

****Boston – August 13, 1846**

"What's all this?" Josef asked Elizabeth as he observed the many pamphlets and papers she had laid out on his desk.

Elizabeth smiled at Josef and readied herself. She had been preparing what she would say all morning and now her chance had come. "The other day I was talking to Mrs. Harris and she was telling me how Stephan is going to be going away to school this year. Apparently he has shown great interest in the sciences. They are sending him to Hargrave. Well, it just started me thinking about Sully and whether Boston Latin was the right place for him.

"Boston Latin is a very good school, Elizabeth."

"Oh, I know. But I remembered how you had told me about one of his teachers who thought he showed promise as possibly an architect and I really think we should do all we can to encourage him in this. Boston Latin is a fine school but there are other schools that have programs that will help him get ahead."

Josef looked down at his desk and idly picked up one of the pamphlets. Quickly, he turned his attention to another one and then another one. "Elizabeth, these are all boarding schools," he said thrusting the pamphlets towards her.

"I know. All boys his age go away to school," she said nonchalantly.

"Not all boys go away to school," Josef responded beginning to see that there was more to Elizabeth's suggestion than he had first thought.

"You did," she replied. "You've always said how wonderful your years at Salisbury were. I thought that since Sully is going to officially be a member of our family, we should start trying to guide him. He isn't used to this kind of life Josef. He needs to learn how to live in Boston society. When we sign those adoption papers, Sully will become your only male heir- he will carry the Quinn family name on. This is important."

Josef stared at Elizabeth trying to get a read on her. She was making some sense but there seemed to be more to the situation than what Elizabeth was letting on. "Elizabeth, Sully hasn't even been with us for a whole year. I really think he has had enough to deal with in the short time he has been here without us sending him off to boarding school. Besides he won't be twelve for another four months." He paused now unsure whether to continue or let the topic drop. Breathing in deeply, he gazed at Elizabeth who was clearly frustrated with his refusal. "Elizabeth, is this really about Sully at all?"

"What do you mean? Of course it's about Sully! I am trying to do something good for that young man!"

"I don't doubt your intentions but I' m not sure they are completely pure."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, I think you do. I know you are worried about Mike and Sully's relationship but you really are making too much out of it. Granted they are close but.."

Elizabeth interrupted, "She is closer to that boy than to any of her sisters, Rebecca included. It really wouldn't bother me if she had other friends but Josef she doesn't. She barely speaks to her sisters, rarely talks to me and her teachers say she spends most of her time at school by herself."

"Then shouldn't we be glad that she and Sully get along so well since the people she feels comfortable talking to are apparently very limited." Elizabeth gasped at Josef's cutting remark. Josef didn't care; he was glad that Mike had found someone besides himself to confide in. He crossed the room to where Elizabeth stood and placed his hand lightly on top of her own. "Elizabeth, she isn't like her sisters. When are you going to accept that?"

"I don't know Josef," Elizabeth muttered closing her eyes.

"We have to let Mike be who she naturally is. She wants to be a doctor. Elizabeth, she will be a good doctor."

"Josef, you and I both know what that means for her."

Josef turned now removing his hand from Elizabeth's. He knew where this conversation was headed. The same conversation they always had whenever the subject of Mike becoming a doctor came up. He sighed gently and then said "If you are referring to marriage…"

"She isn't going to find a husband in Boston society who will let her be a doctor. She is going to have to choose not to marry most likely. I don't know if Michaela understands that – if she knows how these decisions might affect her future."

"That's the point though Elizabeth- it's her future. We have to let her decide." Josef turned back to Elizabeth and took her hand in his own. "Can you do that Elizabeth? Can you allow her to make her own decisions even if they seem all wrong to you?"

"Honestly, it will be very hard for me Josef."

"Will you at least try?" he asked his eyes pleading with her.

"I promise, I will try, "she resigned. "What about Sully?"

He smiled down at her and lovingly squeezed her hand. "As far as Sully is concerned, I think boarding school is a good idea for next year. He needs more time to cement his place in this family. We have to remember he doesn't even know about the adoption yet."

"Okay," Elizabeth agreed nodding her head and smiling in earnest. Josef felt for the first time in a long time he had really gotten through to her. Gathering her in his arms, he hugged her closely.

"We better enjoy these last few days together. Everyone is going to be back soon."

"You're right," she agreed raising her head to meet his lips.

* * *

**Cambridge, MD – August 13, 1846**

A silence had fallen over the breakfast table as Michaela had struggled to recount her experiences of the previous afternoon. The story was more coherent than when she had told Sully but she had broken down once during the middle. Sully had taken her hand then squeezing gently to encourage her to finish. Michaela had not looked up while she was speaking and so when she finally raised her head, she was surprised at the tear stained faces that met her.

"I'm so sorry, Michaela," Anna said taking Michaela's other hand in her own. "I didn't know. I never would have sent you two over there," she paused as the full realization of what could have happened washed over her. "My God, I can't believe…"

"What's done is done, Anna," came John's voice from the other end of the table. "Ain't no point in beatin' up on yourself. Michaela done seen somethin' wrong but ya know it was for a reason." John's words hovered in the air. Michaela and Sully exchanged puzzled glances not sure exactly what John had meant by his last statement.

"John, I don't think now is the time or place to be bringin' that up," Ida chimed in as she started to clear the table.

"Woman, don't start tellin' me what I can and can't say. These kids done seen just how bad it can get. Ain't no reason they can't know."

"Anna?" Ida asked turning to the older woman. Anna sighed loudly and leaned back in her chair letting go of Michaela's hand. She felt old suddenly- older than she had ever felt before. Brining her hands to her forehead she rubbed her temples trying to ease the tension in her head.

"I don't know," Anna said. Her voice was flat and void of it's normal sparkle. "I don't know anymore. We have tried so hard but there is so much. It's just overwhelming." She covered her face with her hands and rested her elbows on the table.

"Anna, you done a lot of good too. Don't go feelin' poorly bout what ya couldn't do," John spoke as he leaned over to Anna and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Sully and Michaela were even more confused now but the adults seemed too caught up in their own conversation to explain what they were talking about. Anna removed her hands from her face and found two sets of eyes staring inquisitively into her own. She smiled then and placed her hands over the joined hands of Michaela and Sully. "Are we confusing you two?"

"Sorta," said Sully. Michaela nodded in agreement. Anna chuckled and smiled over at John who had a wide grin on his face.

"Still think we ought to be careful," Ida said as she clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

"And we will be. I think it is time you two heard the real reason I came back here." Anna let go of their hands. "Ida, could I get some more coffee," Anna asked settling back into her chair into storyteller mode. Once Ida had filled up her mug, she took a long drink while considering where to start. "When William died, I was lost. There is no other way to say it. I spent months cooped up in our Beacon Hill home, always wearing black and feeling like my life was over. When I told my sons I was returning here everyone was against it. I didn't care – I couldn't stay in Boston for one more second. That city was suffocating the life out of me and I didn't even know it," she stopped now looking over at Ida who had settled back down at the table.

"Ya okay Anna?" Ida asked tentatively.

Anna nodded and then continued, "The first thing I did when I returned was to burn all those black clothes. I missed your grandfather terribly but I never did understand why I needed black clothes to tell people I was in mourning. I saw my face in the mirror – you could tell just be looking at me," she smiled briefly at this. John and Ida nodded in agreement. "For a little while just being back home was enough to life my spirits but soon I felt the same depression overtaking me. I went for a walk one night down to the river. It was a familiar path that I had known as a child. The moon was just a sliver in the sky making the night even darker than it was but I liked it at night when the sky's blackness matched the way my heart felt. At the river, I heard voices, the voices of little children. They were hiding among the marsh, waiting for their parents like they had been told but their parents never came."

"Where were their parents? Why had the left them?" Michaela asked.

"They were slaves Michaela trying to escape to safety. The parents had been caught but the children didn't know that. They had been waiting there by the river since the night before. Everything changed for me that night when I brought those precious little ones back here to the house. I found a reason to keep going, to go on living even without William."

"Ya help slaves escape?" asked Sully incredulously.

"In a way we do. We are a safe place where they can seek refuge."

"Wow," Michaela said studying her grandmother in a whole new light.

"Ya can't be tellin' nobody. I mean nobody," Ida chided. "We's almost got caught in the Spring. We can't be takin' no chances."

"Ida, calm down. I'm sure Michaela and Sully aren't going to tell anyone." Michaela and Sully both shook their heads to indicate their lips were sealed. "We haven't helped anyone in over four months now. We needed to keep a low profile for a while. Some people were getting suspicious. And it seemed like the perfect opportunity to meet Sully and have both of you come for a visit," she smiled at them warmly.

"Anna, can you help that woman at the Brooks?" Michaela asked.

"Won't be easy," said John. "But we promise ya we will do somethin'. Gonna have to wait until ya two are gone though."

"Yes, don't worry Michaela we will get her and that little girl to safety – one way or another," Anna reassured. "Now it looks like a beautiful day outside and I'm sure that the two of you don't want to spend all day in the house." Michaela and Sully took that as their cue to leave. They knew the adults had plans to make and things to talk about. The morning had worked magic on Michaela soothing away the pain that had settled in her chest since the day before. Sully felt better too especially seeing that Michaela had regained her spunk. They left through the back door of the kitchen making their way around to the front of the house.

"Whatcha wanna do?" Sully asked kicking at the dirt.

"How about swimming?" Michaela suggested. The sun was already baking Michaela's arms and she felt sweaty.

"Sounds good to me."

"Just let me change and I will be right down," replied Michaela dashing into the house feeling jealous of Sully who could swim in next to nothing. Her bathing suit covered her almost completely but still it would feel good to be in the cool water. After Michaela had changed, Sully and she made their way down to the place where the river narrowed and jetted into the land forming what John called a neck. The neck was a perfect place for swimming and soon Michaela and Sully were up to their necks in the water, letting the coolness wash over them.

Sully disappeared under the water only to resurface feet from Michaela and splash her.

"Sully!" She screamed but wasted no time in getting him back. Sully had already ducked under the water causing her to miss. "You've got to come up sometime," she said teasingly. This time he resurfaced behind her grabbing her shoulders and dunking her under the water. This time he wasn't quite quick enough and as Michaela came back up she sent a huge amount of water in his direction. He hadn't been quite prepared and it took him a second to wipe away the salty water that stung his eyes. In that small amount of time, Michaela had disappeared.

"Mike," he called turning in circles so that she couldn't take him by surprise. Michaela had a different plan in mind. She had found his ankles in the murky water, grabbing for them so that he stumbled backwards in the water. Coming up a few feet away, she looked back at Sully who was again wiping his eyes.

"Hey, slowpoke," she called. That did it- Sully was moving quickly through the water toward her. Michaela started swimming in the other direction, knowing that Sully would soon overtake her as he was the stronger swimmer. Sully grabbed her ankle firmly as Michaela tried to kick water at him to keep him at bay.

"I wouldn't do that if I was ya," he laughed as he started pulling her towards himself. His hands worked one over the other up her leg until he could grab her around the waist. He hoisted her up in the air throwing her down into the water. Michaela came up slowly and didn't retaliate. Sully immediately panicked. "Michaela, did I hurt ya?" he asked concern written in his eyes as he started to move towards her.

"No," she answered giving a slight smile and then blushing. Sully eyed her curiously. "I.." she stopped biting her bottom lip.

"What?" Sully asked.

"Nothing," she smiled at him the blush still playing across her cheeks. Michaela was having the strangest sensations and she felt embarrassed but at the same time strangely exhilarated. Never before had his touches made her feel all warm inside like they did now. She stood up in the water bringing her upper body into view. Sully was now having his own internal struggle. As he watched Michaela arrange her wet hair he noticed the way her bathing suit clung to her form. He was reminded of the day before when she had descended the stairs in that light blue dress. "What are you looking at?" Michaela asked giving him a playful smile.

"Nothin'," Sully muttered hastily dropping his eyes.

"Do I have some river grass stuck to me?" Michaela examined the front of her bathing suit to find it free of any river grass. Sully had turned his back to her now and was beginning to swim away. Suddenly it dawned on Michaela that he had been looking at her- her body. Again, the same warm feeling swept through her making her question how it bothered her when Thomas looked at her like that but not when Sully did. Sully was now quite a distance from her so she dove under the water swimming hard to catch up with him. Sully let her catch up with him even though he still felt rather embarrassed that she had caught him looking.

"Sorry," he offered as she surfaced.

"For what?"

"I...uh...I," he didn't know what to say.

Michaela trying to ease the situation, changed the subject. "Are you taking Clara to the Bay Country dance this weekend?"

Sully laughed, "No."

"Oh," Michaela said.

"Why?"

"No reason, just wondering."

"Are you still going with Thomas?" Sully asked.

"Umm," Michaela blushed realizing she was going to have to admit her deception.

"If you want to I don't care," Sully said hastily turning from her in the water so that the disappointment he felt wouldn't be seen by her.

"No, Sully, wait. I... I wasn't quite truthful the other day." Sully turned giving her a puzzling look. "Thomas did invite me but I told him I couldn't go with him because I was going with" she stopped now feeling suddenly shy.

"Goin' with who Mike?" He asked nonchalantly but his heart was beating quickly.

"With you," she whispered.

"What?" he exclaimed taken by surprise.

"Well I know you hadn't asked me but I .. taught you to dance and I never even got to dance with you at the wedding and I want to dance with you." Michaela was speaking quickly, her nervousness shining through. "And why are you calling me Mike again?" She was quite flustered when she finished.

Sully slowly approached her in the water. "Do you mind if I call you Mike?"

"Well, no. It just sounds like I'm a boy. Do you think of my like a boy?" she asked afraid to meet his gaze.

"No," he tried to reassure her. "I don't know why I switch back and forth- maybe just got used to ya as Mike." Michaela raised her head a little and smiled.

"That's fine," she said shyly.

"Michaela?" Sully called as he came closer to where she stood.

"Yes."

"Would you like to go to the Bay Country Dance with me this weekend?"

Michaela smiled widely. "Yes," she said as her cheeks turned even deeper red.

"Good," Sully declared with a shake of his head before lowering his hands under the water and splashing Michaela fully in the face. She screamed and then set off after him again, the rest of the morning lost in playful banter.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1865**

The forest was green and lush with the thick summer growth. A springy moss carpeted the floor of the forest making their footsteps almost silent as they walked along. Michaela smiled as she watched Sully leading the way in front of her. Sometimes she still couldn't believe she was here with him but it felt good to have him so close. The sound of water told her they were nearing the creek. The trees became less dense and before she knew it they had arrived at a pool of water fed by the small creek. Sully placed the bundle he had been carrying at the base of a nearby tree before turning to Michaela.

"This place is beautiful Sully," Michaela said as she took in the surroundings.

"Nothing compared to ya," he replied stepping forward to slide his arms around her.

"Sully, I wouldn't do that – I really need to wash up first," Michaela warned. "Delivering babies is a messy job."

"Okay," Sully groaned removing his arms. "I put all your stuff over there," he indicated the bundle near the tree. "I'm gonna go up the trail a little and give ya some privacy but if ya need me just holler."

"Thank you." She gave him one of her crooked grins and stepped towards the pool. True to his word, Sully moved away up the trail but his thoughts remained down by the creek. Having her close again after so long was playing havoc with him. He sat down against a tree leaning back and closing his eyes, imagining what it would be like to join Michaela in the small pool. He had purposefully tried to keep the physical part of their relationship from becoming too intense but everyday that they were together he was finding it harder. His mind drifted to the night before when she had lingered in his arms after he kissed her good night.

"Sully," Michaela's voice intruded into his thoughts. Quickly, Sully made his way down to the pool to see why Michaela had suddenly called for him.

"What is it?" he asked concern in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to worry you. I just thought you could join me for a swim," Michaela smile up at him, her eyes shining. "We haven't been swimming together in a long time."

"True," Sully agreed as he made his way to the edge of the pool. Michaela had removed her skirt but stood in the waist high water in her bloomers with her shirt still on. Sully took off his shirt but left on his buckskins and climbed into the pool. "Water feels good," he said as he made his way over to her.

"Yes," she said tingling with anticipation of what she hoped was to come. Sully stopped just shy of her and lowered himself fully in the water. "I hope you aren't planning to splash me Mr. Sully," she flirted.

"Now would I do somethin' like that," he asked in mock protest. Michaela smiled and lowered herself into the water as well. Suddenly Sully grabbed her shoulders and dunked her the rest of the way under. Michaela came up quickly trying to get the water out of her eyes.

"Sully!" she exlaimed.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. For old time sake," he laughed. He began to approach her again but she stepped backwards.

"Do you think I'm going to let you get close enough to do that again?"

Sully smiled at her. "I just wanna ask ya a question."

"You can ask from a distance," Michaela returned. Sully stopped and considered her for a moment.

"Okay," he said. "Supposedly there is some kind of dance next week and I was just wonderin' if you'd like to go with me."

Michaela couldn't contain her excitement. She practically threw herself into Sully's arms as she gave a resounding, "Yes!" Sully pulled her close with one arm and brought the other hand up to brush her hair out of her face.

"Good," he said nodding his head slightly smiling down at her lips.

"What are you looking at?" she asked recalling a conversation from long ago.

He smiled to let her know he remembered too. "Two beautiful lips," he whispered before leaning closer to her. Gently, he kissed the sides of her mouth, reveling in the feel of her body against his. Michaela had missed this so much when they had been apart. He pulled back slightly to gauge her reaction. There was no fear on her face. Softly he placed gentle kisses to her left shoulder. He could feel her shivering at the sensation. He continued the kisses up her neck and she leaned her head to the side to give him better access. Her hands were on his bare chest and she caressed him eagerly. Sully groaned as her hands moved. Did she know what she was doing to him? Probably not. Eagerly he claimed her lips with his own in a heated moment. His tongue begged for entrance to her mouth and for the first time since she had arrived in Colorado Springs she willingly gave it. Now she wrapped one hand around his back trying to bring him even closer if that was possible.

They were oblivious to the approaching footsteps, lost in the moment with each other. They only broke apart as a voice called out, "Dr. Mike?"

_

* * *

_

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Cambridge, Maryland - August 15, 1846**

The day had dawned bright and clear which boded well for the Bay Country Festivalas it startedthis morning and would continue into the night. Anna had decided they would go in the late afternoon so that they could enjoy the sites at the festival before the dance started that evening. Both Michaela and Sully had been too excited to settle to anything. They both seemed to be underfoot every time Ida turned around so she sent them out of the house with a swift warning that if they came back before lunch neither one could go to the dance that evening. That was all Sully and Michaela had to hear to make themselves scarce.

With nothing better to do, Sully talked Michaela into going crabbing with him. Heading down to the pier with some twine, weights, a net and some chicken necks Sully had managed to get from Ida, they talked about what the evening might hold. Once at the pier, Michaela refused to touch the chicken necks so Sully had tied them all to the lines and set them in the water by himself. Michaela did enjoy raising the lines to catch the crabs and her steady hands proved useful. Quickly they developed a system where she would pull the line up and Sully would net the crabs. The morning wore slowly away as the number of crabs in the bushel basket grew. When the basket was three-fourths of the way full, John happened by and offered to take the basket up to Ida so they could have the crabs for lunch. Sully cut their lines, tossing out the chicken necks but saving the weights for next time. Then both children retired to the lawn to seek shade from the sun which had gotten progressively hotter throughout the morning. Sully lay out under the big oak while Michaela propped herself against the trunk a few feet away.

"You do remember how to dance, don't you Sully?" Michaela asked now starting to worry about the evening.

"I guess," he replied turning over onto his stomach to look at her.

"Do you want to practice just in case?" she asked as his answer had not reassured her.

"Do I have a choice?"

Michaela glared at him and then chuckled as she caught the mischievous gleam in his eye. "No, I guess you don't." She stood and waited for him to join her.

"Eww, your hands are still all messy from those chicken necks," Michaela exclaimed as he held out his hand to her. Sully wiped them on his pants and held them back out.

"Sully, that's disgusting. You'll have to take a bath this afternoon but for now at least go rinse them off in the river," Michaela said moving away from Sully, her nose wrinkled in protest.

Sully didn't move however. "I ain't takin' another bath today. I just took one last night."

"So! You've been out in the sun sweating and touching nasty things. If you are going to the dance with me, you need another bath."

"Maybe, I don't want to go with ya then," Sully replied taking offense at Michaela's tone. Michaela watched as he turned and walked down to the river. Part of her wanted to follow and make things right between them while the other part of her wanted to storm into her bedroom and lock him out for the rest of the day. She sighed heavily wondering why things were always so volatile between her and Sully recently. Sully had now reached the river's edge and had squatted down to rinse off his hands. A slight smile tugged at Michaela's mouth and she quickly ran down the lawn towards him.

"Sully," she said stopping a few feet away from him.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, I don't mean to be bossy.."

Sully interrupted her. "You're not bossy; ya just gotta always be right." Michaela didn't say anything in response and Sully worried she had taken his comment the wrong way. "I don't mean it in a bad way. It's like ya know how things should be and ya want the world to live by those rules."

"Sully, you don't have to explain. You're correct – I like to be right," she smiled as she said this setting Sully at ease.

"So ya still up for practicin'?" Sully held out his arms to Michaela who merely smiled before stepping in to join him. Michaela took his one hand in hers and placed her other hand on his shoulder while Sully awkwardly placed his hand at her waist. Michaela noticed the grimace on Sully's face.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Fine," he replied focusing his attention on her eyes. Michaela began to softly hum as she led Sully around the lawn. Their movements were rusty at first but became smoother with each pass. "Isn't the boy supposed to lead Mike?" Sully asked.

"Yes but I think it's better if I lead since I know what I'm doing."

Sully raised his eyebrows at her and held his feet still. "Are ya sayin' I don't?"

"No, I just meant I have more experience."

"Ya seem to forget I had lots of experience waltzing your crazy cousins around at your sister's wedding while ya were just sitting at the table watching me."

"For your information, I didn't want to be sitting at that table. No one had asked me to dance all afternoon. How do you think that made me feel?" Michaela felt the tears welling up in her eyes and she turned so that Sully wouldn't see. Neither of them spoke for a minute; both confused by the fact that every recent conversation managed to turn into an argument.

Stepping forward, Sully laid his hand on Michaela's shoulder. "Michaela, I don't want to fight with ya." He wasn't sure this was the right thing to say but at the moment that was all he could come up with. Michaela turned around and Sully saw the tears that had started to fall down her cheeks. "Don't cry," he said and raised his hand to her face, wiping at her tears with his thumb.

"You don't understand Sully. It's so hard sometimes. All the girls at school think I'm weird because I don't talk about boys all day like they do. My sisters make fun of me and call me a tomboy. Boys don't look at me like they look at other girls even when I try to be pretty."

"But you are pretty," Sully interjected.

"Don't say that to make me feel better. I mean, it's sweet and all but.."

Sully interrupted her. "Michaela, I'm not saying it to make you feel better. You are," he hesitated. Michaela looked at him expectantly. "You are beautiful. But not just on the outside. You're a good person- you make the world better by just being in it."

"How do I do that?"

"You make a difference- you made a difference in my life." Michaela regarded him quizzically. "If it hadn't been for ya tryin' to comfort me in the hospital when my ma died, I would have gone to an orphanage and then who knows what would have happened to me. You always wanna help. That's why someday you're gonna be a great doctor." Michaela smiled broadly.

"Sully that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Sully blushed and dropped his head. "I appreciate ya bein' my friend Michaela."

"It goes both ways Sully. I never really had a friend until you. I never had a boy make me feel so special before." Michaela smiled uneasily. "Some girl is going to be lucky to find you someday."

"Maybe I don't wanna be found," Sully said.

"I know boys aren't like girls but don't you ever think about being married someday."

Sully shrugged. "I didn't mean it like that." Sully turned and began to walk away.

"Sully? Where are you going?" Michaela asked afraid she had upset him once again.

"Gotta take a bath," he called over his shoulder. "The girl I'm takin' to the dance tonight is real picky."

"Thank you, Sully!" Michaela called back.

"Just remember to let me lead tonight," Sully replied before disappearing around the edge of the house.

* * *

The moon had made its first appearance of the night as the band took their places in anticipation of the dance. A few stars twinkled in the blackening sky. Michaela held onto Sully's arm a huge grin on her face. Sully knew his face contained the same silly grin. He was first cognizant of it when Michaela had descended the porch steps that afternoon. Having spent the better part of the day getting ready, Michaela was a vision to behold. Ida had helped her curl her hair and then pin it in place with a few tendrils escaping here and there. The dress was one of her ball gowns that she had brought with her from Boston. It was made of rich ivory and green taffeta and the skirt was so full Sully wondered how he would get close enough to dance with her.

It didn't matter that Michaela was only thirteen, it quickly became clear that she was the best dressed of all the women at the dance. Michaela felt a little apprehensive when she had first realized this. Yet when Clara Brooks had arrived dressed in a very beautiful blue satin gown, Michaela had smiled secretly knowing that her dress was last year's style. Sully hadn't even noticed Clara's arrival because he had a hard time looking at anyone but Michaela the whole evening.

As the first song of the evening began Sully turned to Michaela somewhat nervously. "Would you like to dance?" he asked extending his hand to her.

"I thought you'd never ask," Michaela teased taking his hand and letting him lead her to the dance floor which had been set up only yards from the river. "By the way," she leaned in close to whisper in his ear, "I've decided you can lead." Sully smiled back at her while placing one hand on her waist and gripping her other hand firmly in his. He seemed to be flustered for a moment trying to remember which foot came first. To calm himself he took a big breath and then stepped out, regaining his confidence with each correct stride. They were both aware of the many eyes that watched them but neither cared. Michaela was enjoying the feeling of finally getting to dance with Sully while Sully was enjoying the fact that he was dancing with the most beautiful young lady at the festival.

* * *

Anna, Ida and John watched from a distance and exchanged knowing glances with each other.

"Look at Sully out there struttin' around like a peacock," John chuckled. "He's so proud to be with Miss Michaela he look like he gonna bust." Anna and Ida joined in the laughter as they watched Sully and Michaela pass them once again.

"I'm surprised that Sully can dance," remarked Ida.

"Michaela made him learn for Maureen's wedding apparently," informed Anna. "According to her, her cousins decided Sully was their personal dancing partner and she didn't dance with him once that afternoon."

"Looks like she is more than making up for it," laughed Ida as the next song started and Michaela and Sully remained on the dance floor.

"I feel sorry for that boy," said John as he shook his head.

"Why?" Anna gave him a puzzled look.

"Oh ya know- them witchin' eyes you two got. He done looked into them a long time ago and I don't' think he ever gonna be able to break that spell," John finished. The look on his face was serious but the gleam in his eye let Anna know he was partially kidding.

"I think this done worked both ways, John. Michaela seems to be pretty taken with Sully as well," Ida added. The three grown-ups laughed again and turned back to continue watching the dancers.

* * *

After the second song, Michaela and Sully decided to take a break. Before they were even off the dance floor, Thomas had approached Michaela to ask for the next dance. She cast a sideways glance at Sully.

"If ya want to," Sully said eyeing Thomas suspiciously. Michaela smiled gratefully at Sully knowing how hard it was for him to let her dance with Thomas. Thomas led her back onto the dance floor as Sully made his way over to the three adults. He watched them carefully wishing Thomas would do something inappropriate so he would have a good reason to hit him. Yet Thomas continued to act the part of the gentlemen even seeing Michaela back to Sully when that dance was done. Thomas didn't stick around though as he could feel the cold reception he was getting from Sully. Hastily he made his way over to another young lady and within moments seemed to be deep in conversation with her.

"Sully, I'm kind of warm. Let's go for a little walk." Michaela suggested.

"Okay," Sully said glad for an excuse to take her arm again. He steered them towards the river knowing a gentle breeze would be blowing along the bank. They walked up from the dance floor, moving away from the crowds.

"Thank you for asking me to come with you tonight," Michaela said as she let go of Sully's arm to stand in front of him.

"Ya welcome."

"I want you to know that there is no one else I would have rather come with," Michaela was looking right in his eyes now.

"Me either," Sully agreed reaching out to take her hand.

"Sully do you remember that day on the Common?"

"Which day Michaela? We go to the Common a lot."

"The day you kissed me," she whispered. Sully gulped loudly but then nodded. "It would be alright if you kissed me again." Michaela felt foolish suddenly and tried to take the statement back. "If you want to that is. I mean…"

"Michaela, of course I'd like to kiss ya. If you're sure.." She nodded eagerly and closed her eyes. Sully contemplated for a second whether to keep his eyes open or not, fearing a miss again. Whether it was being caught up in the magic of the night or the fact that his body felt strangely alive, he decided to close his eyes slowly bringing his lips to hers.

"Isn't this a pretty picture," a voice called to their left causing Michaela to turn her head and Sully to kiss her ear. When they had both opened their eyes, Thomas stood before them.

"So I get beat up for kissing your hand while meanwhile you're sneaking off with … how disgusting… he's practically your brother,"

"He is not my brother!" Michaela yelled as anger swelled in her chest. Without even thinking she stepped toward Thomas, raised her hand and slapped him soundly across the face.

Thomas was stunned for a moment but quickly pulled himself together. "Gettin' your girlfriend to fight your battles for ya," he taunted Sully.

Michaela who was already feeling remorseful for what she had done shook her head at Sully. "Just ignore him," she whispered.

"I should have figured this one out. The way you're always together- always holding hands. You two must be real cozy living under the same roof. Bet you even let Sully climb into bed with you at night."

This last line had been too much for Sully. Even though Michaela tightly gripped his hand, he pulled out of her grasp, swinging wildly at Thomas. The first punch landed in Thomas' stomach causing him to double over in pain.

"Sully, don't do it. He's not worth it."

"Michaela, he ain't gonna talk about ya like that," Sully insisted as he sent another punch into the side of Thomas's head. Thomas quickly straightened up this time and came crashing into Sully knocking them both to the ground. Michaela felt helpless as they rolled around on the ground throwing punches at each other. The commotion was quickly noticed and soon two men were pulling the boys apart.

"What's all this commotion?" one of the men asked. "Ya two fightin' over this pretty lady?" He chuckled as he said it. This only served to make Sully angrier but he knew there was no use trying to break free.

Thomas' father was the next to join the group. He surveyed the children as John arrived on the other side. Mr. Brooks stuck his finger out at John accusingly. "You tell Anna to keep that boy away from my son. This is the second time.."

But Anna who was right behind John cut him off. "Now hold on a minute here Mr. Brooks, Sully wouldn't start a fight with your boy if he would leave Michaela alone. Now I believe she has made it quite clear that she is not interested in Thomas but he refuses to leave her alone."

Mr. Brooks sucked in on his bottom lip and thevein in the side of his head was pulsing. His hands were clenched in rage. Never had a woman spoken to him like this. Yet the situation was too public to do anything about it. He sucked in sharply and then said through clenched teeth, "You keep that boy away from my son or I won't be responsible for what happens to him."

"Thank you for the warning, Mr. Brooks. On the same note, you keep your son away from Michaela or else I won't be responsible for what happens to him," Anna finished giving Mr. Brooks a glaring look. She proceeded forward grabbing one of Sully's hands in her own and then one of Michaela's and marched off back in the direction of the dance.

Ida had already gotten a wet cloth to wipe the blood off of Sully's face. She handed it to him while she clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Sully, ya gotta learn to just ignore people," she advised in a low voice.

"You didn't hear what he said Ida," Sully returned as he held the cloth up to his lip. "But I know that don't give me the right to ruin everyone's evening by getting into a fight."

Anna smiled over at him. "My evening's not ruined. How about yours Michaela?" she asked.

Michaela shook her head quickly and took Sully's free arm in her own. "Actually I was hoping for another dance."

"But I'm all dirty," Sully protested.

"I don't care," Michaela said as she removed the cloth from Sully's lip and handed it back to Ida. "All better. Are you ready?" Sully laughed softly to himself and then nodded as Michaela led him back to the dance floor.

* * *

**Boston – 1854**

Daniel walked the short distance between the Quinn house and the Common looking for Sully and Michaela. Martha had told him they had left a little while ago so he figured he should be able to catch them. He smiled to himself as he walked along. Sully had told Daniel about Michaela many times but he had always imagined Sully to be exaggerating. When he had met Michaela, he had been blown away by her beauty and her personality. Twice he had tried to invite her out but she had turned him down each time. He was determined though to try to win her heart. Maybe, he would recruit Sully to help him. They seemed awfully close. Certainly Sully could convince Michaela to give him a fair shot.

He reached the Common and looked around for his best friend and the girl he hoped to one day make his wife. They were on the far side of the Common heading off into the forest. Daniel called after them but his voice was obscured by the wind. He took off running in their direction hoping to catch them before they walked too far into the trees. When he arrived at the place where he had seen them enter the trees, he stopped and listened. Michaela's soft giggle carried through the forest and Daniel followed it.

He wasn't prepared for the scene that he came upon. There stood Sully and Michaela pressed close together, their hands entwined in each others hair with their lips locked together. Passion was evident on their faces and Daniel was literally embarrassed to be witnessing such an intimate encounter. He tried to turn quietly and slip away unnoticed but his foot came down on a fallen branch, snapping it in two.

Sully and Michaela pulled away from each other hurriedly but both relaxed when they realized who had been spying on them.

"Sorry," Daniel muttered, turning red with embarrassment.

"It's okay," Sully said. "I wanted to tell you anyway. Just wasn't sure how." He smiled down at Michaela.

"Guess this is why, ya didn't wanna go out with me," Daniel said to Michaela.

"Ya asked her out?" Sully asked.

"He didn't know Sully," Michaela reassured him.

"Yeah, here all this time I thought ya were just brother and sister," Daniel said sarcastically.

"I told ya we weren't like that Daniel," Sully reminded him wondering why Daniel was acting so upset.

"Guess living together all those years, sure can bring two people close together, " Daniel returned. Sully knew what Daniel was hinting at and he didn't like it. Sully quickly stepped in front of Michaela clenching his fists.

"Daniel, ya got somethin' to say to me just go ahead and say it. But ain't no reason to be rude to Michaela." Sully saw it coming and ducked as Daniel took the first swing. Michaela moved to the side watching the two friends fight each other, feeling powerless to stop the fight.

**

* * *

**

**Cambridge, MD – August 15, 1846**

"Sully," Michaela whispered into the darkness. She stood in the door to his room trying to make out his figure in the moonlight.

"What?" he said sleepily.

"I just wanted to thank you for defending my honor tonight," she said making her way to his bed.

"Guess I'm a regular Prince Charming," Sully laughed and Michaela joined in. Silently she sat down on the edge of the bed. For Sully, the room felt too warm suddenly. He was grateful for the darkness that hid the fact that his cheeks had gone red.

"I guess I should be getting back to bed," Michaela sighed.

"Probably," Sully answered. Michaela leaned up towards him though and kissed him briefly on the cheek.

"Good night," she whispered.

"Night," Sully responded as he lay down to dream about a certain young lady who had him under her spell.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Boston - August 20, 1846**

"Josef? Where are you?" Elizabeth called.

"Right here," he chuckled as he descended the stairs.

"Sorry," Elizabeth said crinkling her nose up at him. "Your lawyer had the adoption papers sent over for us to sign. We have an appointment with Judge Whitaker on Wednesday morning at ten to make it official."

Josef smiled broadly taking the envelope from Elizabeth. "Do you know how happy I am about this?"

"I think so," she said returning his smile. "I know you've always wanted a son."

"I love our daughters Elizabeth. I wouldn't want you or them to ever doubt that. I don't know how to explain it - there is something about having a male heir to carry on the family name. Just imagine Elizabeth, someday I'll hand over my practice to Mike and the estate to Sully."

Elizabeth shook her head suppressing a grimace at the thought of Michaela taking over Josef's practice. "Well I think that day is long off so maybe we better concentrate on the present. After all, Marjorie returns from New York today and Sully and Michaela will return on Saturday."

"Elizabeth, I was thinking maybe we should plan a family party for Sully's adoption. Sort of like an official welcome to the family."

"That's a splendid idea. Why don't we have the whole family here on Sunday and announce the adoption to everyone at the same time," Elizabeth suggested.

"That's a splendid idea," Josef returned. "I just hope I can hold off until Sunday to tell Sully. I can't wait to see his face when we tell him or Michaela's for that matter. They are both going to be so excited."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, MD - August 20, 1846**

Michaela threw open the door of Sully's room with no thought other than to wake him up. What should have occurred to her was how hot it had been throughout the night and how she had shed her own nightgown trying to stay cool. Yet the only thing she was thinking about was the surprise that Anna had planned for them that day. Besides with only two days left before their return to Boston, Sully didn't need to be sleeping the morning away.

"Wake up sleepyhead!" she yelled rushing into the room stopping just shy of the bed. Michaela let out a little gasp as she suddenly realized her mistake. Her cheeks turned bright red but instead of rushing from the room as soon as possible, she stood frozen to the spot.

Sully roused at the sound of Michaela's voice thinking she was outside the door. As soon as his eyes opened he spied Michaela to the right of his bed. Quickly he grabbed the sheet and covered himself. "Mike!" he shouted.

"Sorry, Sorry," Michaela said nervously as Sully's voice brought her back to her senses. She turned quickly exiting into her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Worry overtook her as her mind fully realized what had occurred. Would Sully be angry with her? There had been no arguments between the two of them since the night of the dance. Michaela did not want the last two days here to be ruined by an argument with Sully. It had been a mistake; maybe he wouldn't be too upset. Course if the tables were turned and it had been him who had seen her, she would probably be angry.

"Sully," she said pressing her back against the door to his room.

"Yeah?" She relaxed a little when his voice held no hint of anger.

"I'm... I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to look..." Michaela hesitated. Had she just said look? "I mean I didn't think about the fact that you might be..." Michaela paused again. Naked, she thought- could she say that word? "I just opened the door and then it was like my legs wouldn't work." How stupid did that sound? She began again, "I wasn't trying to stare.. I just was surprised and ..." A fully dressed Sully opened the door causing Michaela to fall backwards into his room.

Suppressing a laugh, Sully extended his hand to a flustered Michaela, "Sorry," Sully said. "I didn't realize ya were standing against the door. Are ya alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Michaela took Sully's outstretched hand and got to her feet. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, afraid of what she might see if she looked at his face. "I'm really sorry," she muttered again as she blushed an even deeper shade of red.

"Michaela, it's okay," Sully tried to reassure her. "It was an accident." He was smiling at her but she still would not meet his eyes. "It was an accident, wasn't it?" he teased unable to resist the chance to have a little fun with her.

"Sully," Michaela exclaimed. "Of course it was!" She was adamant.

"Course makes me wonder why you kept on looking," Sully smiled and nudged her with his elbow.

Michaela grew flustered trying to explain herself. "I didn't mean to...I just was sort of...Oh Sully, I'm so sorry," Michaela was practically in tears now and she covered her face with her hands. Sully hadn't realized that he was upsetting Michaela and now he felt bad for teasing her at all.

"Michaela, I'm just kidding," he soothed placing a gentle hand on her back. "You didn't know I would be sleeping like that."

Michaela took her hands off her face and whispered "I should have. It's so hot that I slept that way last night too." Sully gulped as she admitted this last part. He looked over towards her bed allowing his mind to linger on that thought for a moment longer than he should have. Sully's silence worried Michaela and she finally glanced over at him. "Sully?" she asked tentatively. His forehead was wrinkled and his cheeks had gone red. "Sully?"

"Oh.. "Sully jumped slightly at the sound of his name. "Don't worry about it Michaela," Sully sighed. "It ain't a big deal."

"Thank you Sully," Michaela returned weakly but with a slight smile. "Please don't tell anybody," Michaela pleaded finally meeting his eyes.

"Never," he said smiling over at her.

**

* * *

**

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Sully asked as they rode toward the homestead, a knowing gleam in his eye.

Michaela smiled at him and blushed. "About today. I never dreamed it could be so wonderful."

"Is that all?" he asked the sides of his mouth curling into a devilish grin. Michaela shook her head and dropped her eyes to her lap. Sully took the reigns in one hand and brought the other hand around her back drawing her close. "Me too," he whispered against her ear.

Michaela shivered though the evening was warm. "Are you nervous?" Michaela asked not daring to raise her head.

"Not really," Sully replied. "You?" Michaela nodded her head then reached her hand around her side to hold onto Sully's. "Never thought this night would come," Sully said slowly.

"I know," Michaela sighed. "It's like all our lives we've been headed towards this day," she hesitated now. "It's taken us so long to get here, Sully. I can hardly believe it. I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Sully let out a soft laugh and pulled back on the reigns stopping the horses momentarily so that he could gather her completely in his arms. Michaela released his hand so that she could wrap his arms around him as well. "No, it's not a dream Michaela. It's real- very real." He leaned in and gently kissed her lips. She felt his warm breath on her cheek as he whispered, "We'll take everything nice and easy. No need to be nervous, Michaela – it's just me."

"I know," Michaela whispered as she relaxed into his embrace. "But you know how I am with new things," she said reveling in the feel of his body against hers.

"New," Sully chuckled. "New for me maybe- ya've already seen me naked."

"Sully," Michaela exclaimed pulling back a little. "That was a long time ago. I hardly remember..." she stopped now too embarrassed to go on.

"I reckon tonight will be a little refresher then," he smiled playfully pulling her close once more. Michaela initiated the kiss this time by lightly placing her lips against Sully's and letting her tongue run along his bottom lip. Sully couldn't resist darting his tongue out to meet hers and then deepening the kiss farther. Michaela pulled back suddenly. "Why did ya stop?" Sully asked a little frustrated at her sudden withdrawal.

"Mr. Sully I'm a little impatient to get home," she teased. Sully groaned while removing one of his hands from around her. He took up the reigns with his free hand.

"And what is so important about making it home Mrs. Sully?"

Michaela blushed again before turning and whispering in his ear. "It's been nearly twenty years since the last time I saw you naked, I really don't want to wait a second longer." Sully laughed but urged the horses on faster, anxious to spend the nightloving his new bride.

* * *

**Cambridge, MD – August 20, 1846**

"Michaela, have you woken Sully yet?" Anna called up the stairs wondering what was taking so long.

"Yes," Michaela answered as she appeared at the top of the stairs with Sully right behind her.

"Come on then and get down here. We're ready to go."

Sully gave Michaela a puzzled look. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"I don't know," Michaela told him. "She won't tell me – it's a surprise."

Sully's stomach rumbled loudly. "But I haven't even had breakfast yet," he complained.

"None of us have. Ida said she packed something to eat on the boat."

As they descended the stairs, Anna shook her head at them smiling. "What were you two doing up there?" Michaela blushed deeply and Sully laughed. Anna looked at them curiously. "Maybe I better keep a closer eye on you two," Anna teased.

Sully couldn't resist one last remark even though he knew it might upset Michaela. "Michaela's the one you need to worry about," he said running out the front door and down the steps.

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed as she took off after him. Sully was already half way across the lawn before she even made it down the front steps. With such a terrific head start, she didn't catch up with him until they were at the sailboat. "I have half a mind to push you in the river," Michaela panted, placing her hands on Sully's chest and giving a small shove.

"If ya do, I'll take ya with me," he replied, gripping her wrists.

John watched them from the boat, laughing at the antics of the two and lamenting the fact that they would soon be gone. "Now don't go getting' wet you two. We ain't even left the house yet," he warned.

Ida and Anna had now joined them on the pier. "What are the two troublemakers up to this mornin'?" Ida asked casting a spurious eye in their direction.

Michaela glared at Sully fearing that despite his earlier promise he was going to reveal the upstairs incident. Sully gave her a questioning look and shook his head. "Just a little friendly race to the pier but Mike's a sore loser." Sully let go of her wrists and stepped around her pausing momentarily to whisper, "Ya really should trust me." The tone of his voice sounded hurt and Michaela felt bad for even thinking he would betray her. Quickly, he stepped onto the boat and busied himself helping John get the boat ready to sail. Ida and Anna climbed aboard and settled on the seats in the stern of the boat. Michaela boarded after them and took her normal place in the bow, sitting on the floor of the boat. She brought her knees up, hugging them close to her body and rested her head on top of them, watching Sully and John. Sully jumped back onto the pier and untied the stern line and then the spring line, freeing the boat. Swiftly he jumped back into the boat, rushing to help John raise the main sail.

"Sully, you've really become quite the sailor, haven't you?" remarked Anna, a touch of pride written on her face. Sully smiled shyly and returned to work.

"He's a quick learner," John replied. "Ain't seen anyone tie a better square knot than Sully." Sully blushed again as Michaela turned back towards the river, pondering how to make things right with Sully.

After they were underway, Michaela felt something brush her shoulder and looked up to see Sully holding out some biscuits wrapped in a napkin. Michaela took it from him as he settled by her side. The wind was blowing strongly, filling the sail and moving the boat swiftly through the water. Small droplets of spray rained down on the passengers cooling them from the intense heat of an August sun. Michaela exhaled loudly and bit her bottom lip, hoping that a simple apology could make things alright between her and Sully.

"Sully, I do trust you," she said trying to speak up over the flapping of the sail. Sully studied her for a moment and Michaela wondered if he had even heard her.

"I ain't gonna tell our secrets, Michaela. Trust me," was all Sully said. Michaela's heart skipped a beat. Our secrets – she smiled- he was right they weren't just her secrets, they belonged to both of them. The summer had belonged to both of them and she would carry the magic of it with her back to Boston. She would hold onto the way she felt right now forever. Sully looked out over the river longingly, knowing that in two days time, he would have to say good-bye. "I wish we could stay here forever," he sighed.

"Me too," said Michaela scooting closer to Sully so that she could lean her head on his shoulder. "Me too."

The day had been perfect. Their surprise destination ended up being Calvert Cliffs on the other side of the Chesapeake Bay. Michaela and Sully had never seen anything like it. For miles around, the white cliffs rose up out of the bay creating a wall. John dropped the anchor and everyone swam the short distance to the beach. The cliffs, which had been made by layers of fossils and sediment settling over the years, were the perfect place for Sully and Michaela to have an adventure. They spent the morning collecting shells, fossilized shark's teeth, and other assorted fossils. For lunch, Ida had packed a picnic which they ate on the beach. By then the sun was almost unbearable and everyone went for a swim to cool off. Anna and Ida returned to the boat to rest while John showed Sully and Michaela how to dig for clams with their feet. Soon they had filled a bushel basket with clams to take home for dinner. The day went by quickly – too quickly for Sully and Michaela and soon they were riding back across the bay towards the Choptank River watching the sun as it began its descent. Sully and Michaela lay on the bow of the boat their faces turned towards each other, peacefully asleep when they finally arrived back at the house.

"Should we wake them?" asked Ida as they prepared to disembark.

"No, let them sleep. It will be a while until dinner is ready," reasoned Anna. "I suspect there won't be much sleep for either of them tonight or tomorrow night. It's best to let them get some sleep now." With that John, Ida and Anna ascended to the house.

The sun set and still the two slept on. Evening awoke blanketing the sky with stars while the moon cast its hazy glow on the ground. Michaela was the first to open her eyes. She sat up and looked around disoriented but relaxed when she figured out they were still on the boat. Laying back down she turned on her side to see Sully better. The look on his face was so peaceful it made her smile. She had a sudden urge to touch his face. Gently, she placed just her fingertips on his cheek and lightly stroked. His eyes fluttered open but Michaela continued the light caressing without flinching. The sides of Sully's mouth curled up into a smile as his eyes locked with Michaela's. Slowly, he raised his head and began to bring his lips down to meet hers. Michaela closed her eyes in anticipation of the kiss.

"Sully, Michaela," rang out John's voice. "Are ya awake yet? Ida's got dinner ready." Quickly, Sully pulled back and Michaela opened her eyes letting out an audible sigh. They both laughed softly.

"Yeah, we're awake," called Sully. He stood and helped Michaela to her feet both a little stiff from sleeping on the boat. Quietly, they made their way off the boat and found John at the top of the pier. John smiled at them observing the clasped hands and turned to head back to the house. Sully and Michaela followed, grateful for the black night that hid their flushed faces.

**

* * *

**

**Colorado Springs- Summer 1864**

"You look troubled my friend," said Cloud Dancing as he and Sully sat by the creek fishing.

"Nah – just not sleeping well."

"Dreams?" Cloud Dancing asked, raising his eyebrows at his brother. Sully closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "Of her?"

"Yeah," Sully answered his voice thick with emotion.

"Do you still doubt that this is a sign from the spirits, my brother?"

Sully turned away from Cloud Dancing's gaze. "How can they be a sign? I don't dream of the future. I dream of the past."

"What do these dreams show you?"

"They're always different," Sully replied.

Cloud Dancing considered this for a moment and then asked, "What did you dream of last night?"

"It was when we were young, the first summer we had spent at Anna's house. We had both fallen asleep on the boat. I woke to her soft caresses on my cheek," Sully stopped now touching his cheek remembering how it had felt. "Then I lean over to kiss her."

"Do you kiss her?"

"Yeah and that's the funny part because I didn't kiss her then. We were interrupted."

"And you don't think the spirits are speaking to you?" Cloud Dancing questioned.

"You think they are?" Sully responded.

"The kiss was interrupted the first time. Am I right?" Sully shook his head. "But in your dream, it is not?" Sully again shook his head. "Why was the kiss interrupted when you were younger?"

"Dinner was ready."

"So why didn't you kiss her and then go eat dinner?" A slight smile played at Cloud Dancing's mouth.

"I guess we were afraid of being caught kissing," Sully shrugged not sure where the conversation was headed.

"Fear- it has imprisoned both of you for many years – that is what the spirits are saying." Sully wrinkled up his forehead. "That will not be so anymore. Fear will release both of you so that your hearts may once again find one another."

"I wish that could be true but you don't understand Cloud Dancing. The things I said to her, they were awful. She probably hates me and I don't blame her if she does. Besides, she's all the way on the other side of the country. She is the past – I need to move on with my life."

"Is that what you want to do?" Cloud Dancing asked. Sully sighed heavily, closing his eyes once again while confusion overtook him. After a moment Cloud Dancing stood collecting his fishing pole and turned to Sully. "Remember that he who forgets the past has no future." With that, he turned and left soundlessly, leaving Sully alone to contemplate his words.

**

* * *

**

**Cambridge, MD – August 21, 1846**

"Let's sit on the porch," Anna said to Sully and Michaela after dinner was finished. Their last full day in Cambridge had gone too quickly. The night had already settled and within hours they would be boarding the boat one last time headed to Baltimore and eventually to Boston. The dinner had been sort of a celebration of the summer but the mood had quickly turned as both Sully and Michaela dreaded saying good-bye. They followed Anna out onto the porch where she settled in the middle of the swing, indicating that they should join her.

She grasped their hands in her own as they sat on either side of her. "I want to thank you," she began, "for coming and staying with me this summer. It has been so wonderful. I feel younger than I have in ages."

"Anna, you don't have to thank us. We need to thank you. Sully and I love it here," Michaela said.

"I am glad to hear you say that Michaela cause I would like you both to come back."

"Next summer?" Sully asked incredulously.

"Next summer, this Christmas, next Easter. It doesn't matter, whenever you want to come just let me know." Sully and Michaela exchanged smiles as they eagerly thought about visiting again. "I have something for you both. A little something to remind you of the summer." Anna smiled as she produced two small packages from her apron pocket. One she handed to Michaela and the other to Sully. The children took the packages from her but neither made a move to open them. "Go on, open them," Anna encouraged.

Michaela and Sully looked at each other, anticipation building on their faces. "Go on, Mike," Sully urged.

Michaela ripped away the brown paper to reveal a velvet box which she carefully fingered before opening. Inside the box was a locket on a gold chain. "Oh, Anna, it's beautiful," she said as she lifted the necklace from the box.

"This was my mother's," Anna explained as she took the necklace from Michaela. She opened the locket and pointed out the inscription. _To E All my love, S_ "It was from my father. He gave it to her after she became pregnant with me. I want you to have it for several reasons. You have her eyes and my eyes. That may seem silly but for me it's a connection that runs deep. Yet more than that I want you to never forget that a love that risks nothing is worth nothing. Their love was amazing – it broke across social barriers that threatened to end it. My mother's love was amazing; she risked her life and ended up losing it so that I could have life. My father didn't want to open his heart again when my mother died, that is why he shut me out. But eventually he took the risk to love his daughter. Michaela never be afraid of risk." With those words she placed the locket back into Michaela's hands and turned expectantly towards Sully.

Sully took the cue and ripped away his paper to uncover a box. Slowly he opened the box to discover a pocket watch. Again, Anna took the watch in her fingers smiling.

"This was my grandfather's watch. My grandfather was an extraordinary man, Sully. The day his father died, he gave every slave on the plantation his freedom. He always said that all of God's creatures deserve to be free. The path he chose was different and people didn't always treat him kindly because of it. Sully, I want you to remember to always choose your own path even if it seems choked with difficulty. Don't let the world dictate to you how to live your life and never forget the lesson of freedom."

"Thank you, Anna," Sully whispered as he leaned over to hug the older woman.

"Yes, thank you," Michaela repeated kissing Anna on the cheek.

"You are both very welcome," Anna said as she rose. "Now tomorrow morning is going to come very early so don't be staying up too late."

"We won't," Michaela assured her as she scooted over to fill the now empty space between her and Sully. Anna glanced back at them once more before entering the house and closing the porch door behind her. There were no words to express what Michaela and Sully were feeling so they simply sat there enjoying the night and the closeness of each other. Eventually, Michaela laid her head in Sully's lap and fell asleep while Sully lightly stroked her hair before sleep overcame him as well. Yet both woke in time to make their way to the pier and watch the sunrise one last time.

**

* * *

**

**Boston - August 24,1846**

Friday and Saturday had been a blur for Michaela and Sully. After a night of next to no sleep, they had risen dutifully to board the boat bound for Baltimore. A short carriage ride later had found them at the train depot. Good-byes were said and promises of future visits made. Michaela wore her locket and Sully carried his pocket watch. There were tears all around when final good-byes were said. Michaela clung to Sully's hand as they boarded the train and found their compartment. Once inside, sleep had quickly overcome them. Time moved quickly as each second brought them closer to Boston. Before they knew it, the train arrived in Boston. Josef and Elizabeth greeted them at the train station in Boston with talk of a surprise planned for the next day. Josef had been anxious to hear all about their summer with Anna. Therefore the evening passed with talk of their summer, leaving out the things that Sully and Michaela regarded as their secrets.

Sunday morning was back into the old routine for Sully and Michaela. Both were woken by Martha to wash and get ready for mass and then hurried out the door by Elizabeth to a waiting carriage. Once back at home, they had slipped into Josef's library to hide until the family arrived for the surprise. Already, Michaela missed her grandmother as well as Ida and John. Sully felt the same and they quietly talked about what they would be doing if they were still in Maryland instead of Boston.

"I would be swimming in the neck," Sully declared as he pulled at his collar.

"Me too," giggled Michaela remembering the last time they had gone swimming there. "And then Ida would make us crabcakes," Michaela said patting her stomach.

"And peach cobbler for dessert," added Sully licking his lips at the thought.

"What do you think the surprise is?" Michaela asked suddenly changing subjects.

"I have no clue," replied Sully. "Maybe some good news about your father's practice or somethin' like that."

"Good thinking Sully. It probably is something like that." A light tap at the library door disturbed their conversation. It was Marjorie.

"Mother said to come get you two, everyone is here already," she acted put out that she had been the messenger. Sully and Michaela followed Marjorie out of the library and into the drawing room where the entire family including grandchildren had gathered. Josef stood and smiled at Michaela and Sully as they entered.

"My original plan was to wait until after dinner to make this announcement but I am simply so excited about it that I don't think I can wait," Josef said, his excitement palpable. "Elizabeth and I have been talking this summer and we have decided it's time that our family grows to include one more member." Michaela looked at her mother puzzled- could a woman her mother's age have more children? "Girls I would like for you all to welcome your new brother into the family." This time Michaela glanced at Sully who had an odd expression on his face. What was her father talking about – a brother? "On Wednesday we will officially adopt Sully into our family." Adopt, brother, family – he was talking about Sully. Michaela's mind finally put all the pieces together. She turned and looked at Sully and saw that his face mirrored the way she felt – horrified.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Colorado Springs – 1865**

"But Jake said he saw them Loren. They were barely dressed swimming in the creek up by the Indian land. And he says they were kissing."

"Aww… Jake was probably hittin' the bottle again. I don't care what anyone says Dorothy."

"Well, what makes you so sure that Dr. Mike hasn't taken up with Sully?"

"For one thing, she came here for Abigail and Sully's wedding. Abigail told me her and Sully were raised like brother and sister," Loren explained.

"Maybe they've had feelings for each other for quite a while."

"No. Why would she come here for his weddin' if she was in love with him?"

"To talk him out of it," Dorothy suggested.

"Nah, Dorothy, you're not makin' any sense. Sides," Loren paused and leaned in closer to her "I happen to know her and Sully had a big falling out."

"How do you know, Loren?"

"Cause I overheard it."

"That's impossible. Sully rarely comes into town. None of us have seen the two of them together besides Jake."

"I'm not talkin' about recently. I'm talkin' about when she was here before."

"You mean before.."

"Yeah," Loren looked down as the sad memories still haunted him.

"I still don't see how that proves anything. They certainly could have made up. After all that was a hard time for everyone."

"You didn't hear the fight."

"It couldn't have been that bad." Loren raised his eyebrows at Dorothy. "Could it?"

"I never heard two people go at it like they did. I heard her slap him across the face and I really thought he was going to hit her. The things he called her- the things she said to him. I tell you there weren't no love loss there. And she rode out of town that afternoon, didn't even wait for the stage, just up and left on a hired horse," Loren paused as he came to the end of his story.

"If all that's true, why did she come back?"

"I don't know, Dorothy but I'm telling ya even if they have made up – it isn't because they got romantic feelings for each other. Sully loved Abigail, he's never gotten over..." Loren drifted off as the wheels in his head began to turn. Things he had overhead during the fight suddenly made sense to him. Was it possible? Had he misread Sully all along? He turned back to Dorothy. "You better tell me again what Jake saw."

**

* * *

****Boston - August 24, 1846**

Silence filled up the room. Josef was still smiling at Sully waiting for the shock to wear off and for Sully to smile back. Sully did not turn his head though. Josef followed his gaze to Michaela's face which had turned ghostly white. Were they just in shock or were they upset? Had he done the wrong thing announcing it so publicly?

Sully stood there unsure what to do. The conflicting emotions that were running through him were battling with each other. His initial reaction had been to the word brother. All summer he had fought against that word- why was is now being thrust on him. He was not Michaela's brother. How could he be? Not after everything they had shared that summer. His eyes locked with Michaela's, as his mind frantically searched for a solution. As these thoughts swirled around his head, a different feeling emerged to fight for control. Josef wanted to adopt him – to make him his son. Was this really possible? After losing his entire family someone like Josef actually wanted him to be a part of his family? Joy rose in his heart at this thought- he was wanted.

Michaela saw the change on Sully's face. No longer did he look horrified. There was a strangle twinkle in his eyes and she thought she saw a slight smile on his lips. The panic that had settled in her stomach moved upwards in her body stealing her breath, making her feel lightheaded and sick to her stomach all at once. Michaela questioned everything she had moments before been sure of between her and Sully. The strange way her body tingled when he was near, the way her heart beat faster when he took her hand, the way he had looked at her in the water, the almost kisses reeled through her mind. Opening her mouth, she gasped for air like a fish out of water feeling the rising blackness.

"Father," a voice finally broke the silence. "Don't you think you should have talked to your family before adding a member to it?" Marjorie's voice was full of venom. "Don't any of us get a say in this whole matter?"

"Marjorie Quinn, you will not speak to your father like that!" Elizabeth's voice resounded across the room. One of the grandbabies began to cry.

"So we are just expected to accept this street urchin as our brother!" Marjorie stomped her feet as her temper tantrum began to build. "No one else in Beacon Hill takes in children off the street. Why do we have to?"

"Marjorie, you will stop this nonsense this instant!" Elizabeth shot Marjorie a deadly look. Marjorie opened her mouth once more but closed it again quickly.

Michaela looked at her father for the first time since the announcement. She could see the hurt in his eyes. This was clearly not what he had expected. He wanted a son, Michaela knew that. The complicated nature of the situation descended on Michaela. If Sully was adopted, her father and at least some part of Sully would be happy. Their happiness was important to Michaela. Could she really let go of these new feelings she had for Sully?

Josef's voice cut through the room. "Elizabeth, it's okay. Maybe I have gone about this all wrong." His voice sounded defeated.

"No, Josef, this is a happy occasion. We aren't going to let Marjorie's inappropriate comments ruin it," Elizabeth said as she swept across the room taking her place in between Sully and Michaela. She looked at Josef smiling widely. "Sully, will be our son," she announced again to the room. "And we are both extremely happy about it."

New emotions sprang forth in Michaela – she was losing Sully and there was nothing she could do about it. Taking a step backwards, her initial plan was to run. Where she would go, she did not know but just away from this horrible situation. Before she could enact her plan, Marjorie sprinted across the room.

"Marjorie, come back here!" Elizabeth practically screamed as they heard the front door open and then slam.

"I'll go after her Elizabeth," Josef said as he stepped forward. Michaela's stomach lurched again and threatened to expel its contents. The room was suddenly stifling and breathing was becoming a chore again. The word brother seemed to bounce off the walls of the room making her dizzy. Michaela couldn't resist the rising blackness one moment longer and she relaxed into it falling slowly to the floor like a rag doll.

**

* * *

****Philadelphia, 1858**

"Michaela," Miriam's voice called out in the semi-dark room. "Are you still awake?"

"Not really," Michaela answered. She sat up in bed anyway knowing Miriam was dying to tell her all about her night with Robert. She leaned over and lit the lamp on her bedside table. "Did you have a good time?" she asked drawing her knees up under her chin.

"It was magical," Miriam voice rang out like a song. "We went to dinner and the opera. And then…"

"Yes," encouraged Michaela.

"He kissed me again when he dropped me off," Miriam giggled finally sitting down on the end of Michaela's bed. Michaela wasn't sure how to respond to this last statement so she simply smiled over at Miriam who had now laid back on Michaela's bed with a far off dreamy look in her eye. "I never could have imagined in a million years that someone like Robert would be interested in me," she sighed bringing her hands to rest just over her heart. "Michaela he has invited me out again tomorrow night and he wants you to come too. His friend Stephan has really taken a liking to you. I thought we could go out together than it wouldn't be so awkward for you or Stephan."

"Miriam, I don't know," Michaela began as a slight blush crept over her cheeks.

Miriam sat up now and took Michaela's hands in her own. "Michaela, when are you going to start having some fun? All you ever do is study. Do you realize that there are at least a dozen guys interested in you and you won't give one of them the time of day?"

"Don't exaggerate Miriam," Michaela said shaking her head.

"I'm not exaggerating Michaela. You could have your pick of guys. Don't you want to have fun Michaela? Don't you want to get your first kiss? You are twenty five years old, don't you think it's time?" Miriam teased. Michaela nervously dropped her head as the blush on her face deepened. Miriam studied her friend for a moment trying to figure out why she had suddenly gone all red. "Michaela, are you scared?" she asked quietly.

"Scared of what?" replied Michaela.

"Well, of men, of being close to a man."

Michaela laughed. "No, I'm not," she said.

"You can tell me if you are. Sometimes talking with someone more experienced can help."

"More experienced?" Michaela raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, Michaela you don't understand what it is like. The way it feels to be held in his arms, the way your lips tingle in anticipation. Of course I never let things go too far."

"Too far?" Michaela questioned again rather enjoying Miriam's rambling.

"You know- deep kissing," Miriam whispered a blush now playing across her cheeks.

"Deep kissing?" Michaela really was clueless as to what Miriam was referring.

"Oh, Michaela you really are naïve. Deep kissing is when you use your tongues." Michaela couldn't look at Miriam for fear she might laugh. Here her friend was trying to give her advice about something Michaela clearly knew more about. Of course she had never told Miriam about her relationship with Sully. She had never mentioned the way they sneaked off to share passion filled kisses. Deep kissing – Michaela suppressed a chuckle feeling a little wanton all at the same time. She couldn't tell Miriam how incredible it felt when Sully's tongue eagerly explored her mouth or when she reciprocated in kind.

Miriam observed Michaela's flushed cheeks and noticed the way her respiration had increased. Michaela had never mentioned having a beau but maybe… "Michaela?"

"Hmm."

"You have a beau in Boston, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Michaela. Come on, I tell you all about my relationship with Robert."

"Miriam, you're being silly."

"I am not. Look you're smiling. There really is someone. Is he in Boston? Or is he here?" Miriam asked excitedly.

"He's not in Boston or here," Michaela replied shocked that she had actually answered.

"Then where is he?"

"Colorado," Michaela whispered.

"Colorado? But that's all the way across the country. When do you see him?"

"Rarely," she whispered the longing for him already building inside of her.

"Wait a minute, isn't Sully in Colorado?" Miriam asked.

"Yes," Michaela whispered.

"Michaela…. But I thought…" Miriam couldn't complete her sentence as this foreign notion confounded her.

"I know what you thought. You assumed he was my brother. That is what everyone assumes. They always have. But we were never… like that." Michaela closed her eyes and sighed deeply once again feeling powerless to change what the world so readily pressed upon them.

* * *

**Boston – August 24, 1846**

Voices stirred above her as she strained to hear what was being said. Her eyes fluttered open as she realized someone had laid her on the couch. Turning her head to the side she noticed the room seemed to be deserted except for her mother and father who both had their back to her.

"Josef, this is the second time Michaela has fainted this summer and she could have fainted at your mother's for all we know. There has to be something wrong with her," Elizabeth's voice rang out in the now empty room.

"I can assure you nothing is wrong with her. She passed out in June because of her corset, remember?"

"But she's not even wearing a corset today. Probably hasn't worn one all summer," Elizabeth said as a soft aside, displeasure clearly visible on her face.

"Elizabeth, she's had a busy couple of days. All the travel and then our announcement today or perhaps..." Josef drifted off.

"Perhaps what?"

"It's not uncommon for girls to have fainting episodes before they receive their first monthly - possibly Michaela's will be starting soon," Josef explained.

Without even thinking about the potential embarrassment Michaela spoke up, "I started this summer." Both of her parents turned to her.

"What?" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"Mike, you're awake," Josef said ignoring Elizabeth as he went to his daughter's side. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Michaela answered rising up a little bit.

"This summer," Elizabeth was still focused on her announcement. "But we hadn't even talked yet, you weren't prepared."

"It's okay, Anna and Ida explained it all to me," she returned starting to blush at the nature of the subject and her father's presence. "Where's Sully?" she asked hoping to change the subject.

Josef stood now with an incredulous look upon his face. "Elizabeth, are you saying you hadn't spoken to Mike about these matters?"

"I didn't think it was time yet," Elizabeth defended.

"What were you waiting for, an engraved invitation?" The volume of Josef's voice was rising as he closed the distance between the two of them.

"Josef, these matters are delicate. I didn't want to scare her by telling her too early."

"And I guess she wasn't scared at all when she started and had no idea what was happening to her."

"I'm going to find Sully," Michaela whispered. She rose from the couch hoping her parents would continue their fight giving her a chance to escape.

Michaela was in luck. Her mother's voice rang out "If you want to be worried about something, let's worry about what exactly your crackpot Mother told our daughter about this whole business. "

"Don't change the subject, Elizabeth!" This was the last thing Michaela heard her father say before she slipped soundlessly out the door into the foyer. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the stairs where Sully sat with his face in his hands.

Softly Michaela approached him, lightly touching his arm. "Sully," she whispered. He raised his head. Michaela saw his red eyes and the dampness on his cheeks but a wide smile graced his face as his eyes lit upon Michaela.

"Mike!" he exclaimed standing up quickly to embrace her. Michaela pulled back and put her fingers to her lips to tell him to be quieter. "Ya okay?" he asked.

"I guess," Michaela shrugged. "I mean I'm not dizzy or anything but I don't feel good about this adoption thing."

"I know what you mean," Sully said reaching over to take her hand but Michaela pulled away.

"No, Sully, we.." she began to scold but her words were interrupted by the sudden appearance of her Father and Mother in the foyer.

"Mike, you need to be lying down," warned Josef. "You can talk to Sully later."

"I feel fine," Michaela protested, glancing over at Sully. Hurt and confusion were etched on his face. Her heart panicked as it dawned on her that Sully had misread her intentions.

Josef shook his head. "You still need to rest. I'm sure all the travel and excitement of the last few days has finally caught up with you. Doctor's orders – You are going to bed."

"But," Michaela began to protest while desperately trying to get Sully's attention.

"No buts young lady," scolded Elizabeth. "You heard your father. Go on up to bed. I'll have Martha bring you some lunch."

Michaela sighed loudly but turned to start up the stairs. Her mind raced for someway to communicate with Sully why she had pulled away from him. She turned back again. "What about Marjorie?" she asked.

"Don't worry Michaela. Rebecca went after her," Elizabeth confirmed. Michaela barely heard her mother's response as she silently begged Sully to look at her. Sully never raised his head.

Again she turned to ascend the stairs, making sure she brushed past Sully. Their hands touched for a brief moment and Michaela whispered, "You really should trust me." It took every ounce of willpower she had not to look back at Sully as she ascended the stairs. Had he heard her? Did he remember? Would he understand what she was trying to convey? At the top of the stairs, Sully's voice startled her as he called up.

"Mike I hope you feel better and I do," he exclaimed. Michaela allowed herself to finally look down at him. He was broadly smiling up at her.

"Mike," Josef warned.

"Okay, I'm going," she called back down before entering her bedroom door.

* * *

Later that afternoon a knock came to Michaela's door as she continued to follow her father's instructions to stay in bed. Immediately her heart began to race and she silently prayed "Please let it be Sully! Please let it be Sully!"

"Come in," she called. Her father stepped into the room and Michaela's heart sank.

"How's my girl doing?" Josef asked as he took a seat on the side of her bed.

"Fine," Michaela smiled shaking her head slightly. "I'm really fine. I don't know why I fainted earlier."

"I'm glad you're feeling better because I want to talk to you about something," Josef said, a serious expression forming on his face.

Michaela sighed. Her stomach began to do somersaults again. Trying to stay calm, she took a deep breath and said, "Okay."

"It's about Sully," Josef began. "How do you feel about us adopting him?"

Michaela wasn't sure what to say. So she simply dropped her head and feigned sudden interest in the pattern on the bedspread. "Mike?"

"Have you talked to Sully about how he feels?" Michaela asked trying to stall for time.

"No, I plan on talking to him next. But I saw the look on both of your faces. I'm not blind. I realize neither of you were happy when you heard the announcement. I thought it was just shock but after Marjorie's outburst… I guess I am not sure of things right now."

"It was a shock," Michaela whispered still not meeting her father's eyes.

"Mike are you worried that you and I won't be as close anymore once Sully's adopted?"

Michaela wanted to laugh. Honestly she hadn't even thought of that. "No," she whispered.

"Then what is it?"

"Why didn't you tell me his mother killed herself?" Michaela surprised herself with the outburst.

Josef was taken a back. "Well…I…well…. Mike I didn't see any reason to tell you."

"But you lied to me. You said it was an accident."

"You are right. I lied but it was only to spare you from the unpleasantness of the whole situation."

"He saw the whole thing. You realize that, don't you? He watched her jump off the bridge into the water. He pulled her out of the river." Michaela was yelling now, releasing her anger and frustration.

"I didn't know the details but yes I was aware that he had witnessed her death," Josef responded unsure why Michaela was bringing all this up. "I don't understand, Michaela. What does this have to do with Sully's adoption?"

"You need to talk to Sully. I don't think he is ready for a family right now." Michaela knew this wasn't completely true but it seemed like a plausible excuse.

Josef still did not completely understand but he saw the wisdom of Michaela's statement. "I think you're right Mike. I think I needed to talk to Sully before just announcing it to everyone." Michaela smiled nervously at her father, still not sure how this situation would work out. "But if Sully agrees to the adoption, you would be happy wouldn't you?"

Michaela thought for a moment before responding. "Father, I'll be happy with whatever makes you and Sully happy."

Josef smiled down at her. "Thank you Mike," he said lightly covering his hand with his own. Then he stood and crossed the room towards her door. "Now why don't you get some more rest," he said before exiting.

"Doctor's orders?" Michaela asked.

"Doctor's orders." Josef grinned.

* * *

Night fell gently over Boston as a weak moon looked down on the sleeping city. Michaela was restless after being quarantined in her room all day. Plus she had received no news on the adoption front. She lay in bed now counting down the time until she felt it was safe to get up and tiptoe the short distance to Sully's room. Her parent's bedroom door had shut at least thirty minutes ago and had not opened again. Quickly, she decided now was the moment to go. Slipping out of bed, she quickly crossed the floor and slowly opened her door. The hall was pitch black and she stood still for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness. Quietly she stepped out into the hall and made her way to Sully's room. She stood there for a moment trying to decide whether to knock but before she could make up her mind the door opened.

"Michaela?" Sully whispered into the darkness.

"Shh," she said pushing him back into his room and slipping in behind him. "What are you doing?"

"I was comin' to see you," Sully replied.

Michaela let out a soft giggle. "I guess great minds think alike."

"Right," Sully agreed as he made his way over to his bed and sat down. The moon broke through the clouds shining more light into the room and Michaela realized that he was shirtless. Michaela sucked in her bottom lip as thoughts of swimming in the river flooded her mind. "Come on, sit down," Sully encouraged.

Mike wasn't sure about this but slowly she made her way over to the bed. "Sully," she began, "I am going crazy here with lack of news."

Sully laughed. "Knew ya would be. That's why I was coming over."

"So what happened?"

"There not going to adopt me- at least not right now," Sully announced.

"How did you manage that?" Michaela asked.

"Marjorie."

"What do you mean Marjorie?"

"I told your father that I wanted everyone in the family to be okay with my adoption and that until they were I thought we should wait."

"But what happens…"

Sully cut her off. "Shh… that's a worry for another day."

Michaela nodded and sat silently knowing that the next part wasn't going to be easy for her to say. "Sully, if you want to be adopted I would understand. I know you want a real family"

"Michaela, I ain't gonna lie to ya. There is a part of me that wants Josef to be my father."

Michaela felt a sadness in her heart but not for herself, only for Sully. "Then you should let him adopt you."

"What about ya and me?"

"I don't understand."

"Michaela," Sully whispered scooting closer to her. "I don't think about ya like my sister. Do ya think of me like a brother?"

"No," Michaela whispered. "But maybe that could change."

Sully placed his hand over hers on the bed. "Do ya want that to change?"

"No," Michaela whispered wondering where this conversation was moving.

"Me neither," he said.

"Sully we're just kids," Michaela reminded him.

"I know, "Sully interrupted. "All that means is I gotta wait for ya. John first met Ida when she was nine."

"Really?" Michaela asked.

"Really." Sully confirmed. Both of them grew silent simply for a moment enjoying the closeness they were once again sharing.

"Sully, we have to be careful. If mother or anyone thinks that we're…" Michaela wasn't sure what term to use.

"I realize that now Michaela. That's why ya stopped me on the stairs. We'll be careful," Sully assured her.

Michaela looked over at Sully and smiled at him. "Good night," she said as she leaned towards him to kiss his cheek. Sully turned his head as Michaela moved closer. Lightly their lips touched and a gentle kiss was shared.

"Night," Sully whispered as he moved away from her. Michaela rose as if in a trance and walked to the door. Instead of opening it, she laid her head against it and looked back over at Sully as he climbed under the sheets. She smiled at him for another brief moment, her pulse still racing. She felt like dancing, like flying, like screaming, anything but sleeping but she knew what it would mean to be caught in Sully's room so she reluctantly opened the door. Sully watched as she disappeared then raised his fingers to his lips wondering if he had only dreamed that kiss. No it was real. He laid back and closed his eyes, hoping to dream of that kiss again and again.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Boston, August 25, 1846**

A knock woke Michaela from her slumber. She sat up looking around her room. The sun shone brightly in her window and she knew breakfast had come and gone at the Quinn house.

"Come in," she called her voice still heavy with sleep. She rubbed at her eyes and threw the sheet back as Elizabeth stepped into the room.

"It's so nice of you to join us this morning," Elizabeth said as she eyed Michaela. A gentle tut let Michaela know her mother was displeased that she had slept so late and that she wasn't yet dressed.

"Father, told me to rest," Michaela defended herself trying not to smile.

"Yes, yes," Elizabeth shook her head. "And how are you feeling this morning?"

"Good," Michaela smiled broadly.

"I'm pleased. Now I think it was time you got up and dressed young lady. The morning is half gone and we need to have a little chat."

"About what?"

"About your becoming a woman and what exactly that means."

"But Anna already told me all about it," Michaela protested.

"I doubt our talk will cover the same ground Anna's did," Elizabeth said as she strolled over to Michaela's closet and pulled out a dress. "Here wear this one today," she said handing it to Michaela. "And for goodness sake put on your corset. You are not a little girl anymore."

Michaela sighed heavily but knew there was no point in arguing with her mother. Elizabeth went and sat on the edge of Michaela's bed while Michaela washed up at the basin and then dressed.

"Come here," Elizabeth said as she walked over to Michaela's vanity. "Sit down; I'll do your hair today."

"I can do it myself," replied Michaela feeling suddenly angry at her Mother's presence.

"I know you can," Elizabeth's voice was soft. "But I want to do it. You are growing up Michaela. Pretty soon I won't have the chance to do this." Michaela reluctantly took a seat in front of her mother and handed her the brush from the vanity.

Elizabeth carefully began to brush out Michaela's hair slowly running the bristles through her tangles. "Michaela, you are a young lady," she said. "There are things you need to think about now."

"What things?" said Michaela turning down the corners of her mouth. She could already tell this was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Things like where you'll go to finishing school, the way you present yourself, marriage…" Elizabeth drifted off.

"Marriage! I'm only thirteen!"

"Soon you will be fourteen. That means only three years until you come out." Elizabeth's tone remained soft even though Michaela had already taken the defensive.

"Three years is a long time."

"Yes, I know to you it seems like a long time but things will move quickly over these next few years." Elizabeth reached a particularly stubborn knot and she stopped speaking as she concentrated on removing it. Michaela winced as the brush pulled against her scalp. A sick feeling had settled in the pit of her stomach as she contemplated where this conversation was headed. Elizabeth having dispelled the knot continued. "Society has expectations Michaela and as someone with a prominent place in society you will be expected to conform to those expectations." Michaela rolled her eyes but remained quiet. "Michaela, I know you have your heart set on being a doctor," Elizabeth stopped here unsure of exactly how to continue. "Are you sure that is what you want?" she asked.

"I am," was Michaela's only response.

"Michaela I am not here to upset you but I want you to understand what this decision is going to mean for you. Men in our social class don't have wives that work. I mean they may do charity work but that would be all. If you pursue that path there is a good chance you will never marry." Michaela did not respond. "Do you understand what I am telling you," Elizabeth said as she set down the brush and began to pull Michaela's hair up.

"If I want to be a doctor I will not be able to marry," Michaela repeated nonchalantly. "It was fairly straightforward," she muttered under her breath.

Elizabeth ignored this last comment and continued. "Is marriage something you would want for yourself Michaela?" Michaela stared off in a daze unable to really concentrate on what her mother was asking her. She heard Sully's voice drifting in through the open window and she recalled their secret moment from the night before. "Michaela?" Elizabeth gave a small tug on her hair quickly regaining her attention.

"Oww," Michaela exclaimed raising her hand to rub her tender scalp. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows to communicate she was still waiting for an answer. "I don't know," Michaela finally said.

"Women in your station are expected to marry, Michaela. If you choose not to, your path will not be easy." Michaela continued to stare randomly off in space as Elizabeth sighed in frustration. "Okay, well since you don't want to talk about that. Let's talk for a moment about what you and Anna discussed as far as growing up."

Michaela groaned. "Mother, I already know everything." Elizabeth exhaled loudly but remained quiet as she carefully pinned the rest of Michaela's hair into place. "Thank you," Michaela said softly admiring her mother's work in the mirror. She rose from the vanity and made her way over to the window trying to catch a glimpse of Sully.

"Michaela," her mother's voice sounded rather defeated. "You cannot continue to run around with Sully the way you did last school year."

"Why?"

"It's not proper. Young ladies do no go off with boys unless they have a chaperone."

Michaela's heart sped up. Why did it seem that after they overcame one obstacle another always appeared? The solution came to her quickly and without giving it a second's thought she blurted out, "But he's like my brother and if it wasn't for Marjorie he would be my brother. Brothers and sisters don't' need chaperones." The lie came easy to her and Michaela hoped her mother wouldn't see through it.

Elizabeth studied Michaela's face trying to decide if she was being truthful or not. Elizabeth had not been pleased with Josef's decision to hold off on the adoption. She felt defeated on all fronts. Ever since they had returned from Anna's, Elizabeth had carefully watched Sully and Michaela. Something had changed between them but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Still they were too familiar with each other for her liking. Elizabeth chose her words carefully. "Michaela, is that how you really view Sully?"

"Of course," she lied again. Her cheeks felt flushed and so she turned back to the window hoping her mother would not notice.

"Michaela I really hope you are being honest about this. Young girls need to guard themselves from boys. Men and boys cannot be trusted Michaela. They have a hard time controlling themselves where girls are concerned."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to let a boy take advantage of me," Michaela said trying desperately to end the conversation. Elizabeth nodded her head as she continued to study Michaela. "Mother are we done? I'm kind of hungry."

"Yes, go on," Elizabeth released her feeling as though she had accomplished nothing. That was all Michaela needed to hear. Quickly she exited the room and practically ran down the stairs but as she reached the bottom she slowed down as two different emotions overwhelmed her. The first was a nervousness that settled around her heart squeezing gently. Whether the nervousness had to do with seeing Sully after last night's kiss or whether it was more of a fear of change, she wasn't really sure. The second feeling was a nagging guilt that came from the fact that she had purposely lied to her mother. Little did Michaela know that as life progressed both of these emotions would become second nature to her.

**

* * *

****Boston, December 1857**

A brisk December wind whipped around the young couple who had huddled together for warmth. A light dusting of snow lay on the ground from the night before. The Common appeared deserted as the two of them had hidden themselves away behind a small grove of trees. Sully's arms were wrapped around Michaela holding her in a tight embrace to chase away the cold. Yet both felt immune to the cold as their bodies warmed at this simple contact with each other. Michaela rested her head against Sully's chest, her hands wrapped tightly around his back. She closed her eyes and sighed audibly.

"'Chalea, what's wrong?" Sully asked. "You've been moping all morning. Are ya already thinking about me leaving?"

"Sort of and other stuff," she answered. Sully brought one of his hands up under her chin and gently lifted her head up so that he could see her eyes. Then he gently laid the same hand along her cheek, absentmindedly stroking her cheek with his thumb. Michaela felt goose bumps rising on the back of her neck at Sully's light caresses.

"Tell me," he whispered.

"I'm tired of lying Sully," she whispered in return. "I always feel guilty – it never goes away. I feel bad about lying especially to my father. I am afraid it's going to break his heart when he realizes…" she drifted off as tears formed in her eyes.

"Michaela," Sully whispered, "What are ya tryin' to tell me?"

But Michaela had barely heard him; she was still wrapped up in her own thoughts. "It's not just the fact that we are lying constantly- I always feel divided. Our relationship makes me so happy and I can't share it with anybody. I have to keep that part of myself hidden away like it's something to be ashamed of."

Now it was Sully's turn to sigh. "Michaela, it was you who thought this was for the best. I told you a while ago that I didn't want to hide the way I felt about you. But I thought we agreed that until you were done with school, we wouldn't tell anyone. Are ya saying ya wanna stop hidin'?"

"Yes… No…I don't know," Michaela sighed as she gripped Sully tighter fearing a fight was coming. Sully continued to hold her close but now dropped his other hand to rest against her back. Michaela again turned her head against his chest. "I don't want to fight, Sully."

"Me either," Sully responded but Michaela could feel him slipping away. She buried her head in his chest inhaling him deeply willing him to realize how much she needed him. Then she turned her face up to him again communicating with just her eyes how much she loved him. Sully smiled slightly and shook his head, dumbfounded at the way she always managed to stir him even in the midst of difficult conversations. Unable to resist her any longer, he captured her lips with his. The kiss was not a gentle one nor did he intend for it to be. Sucking her bottom lip eagerly into his mouth he caressed it with his tongue causing Michaela's breath to catch in the back of her throat. She pressed her body into his wishing that they weren't so disconnected by their heavy winter coats. Their breathing was ragged as they clung to each other, their tongues dancing together. Slowly, Sully pulled back placing gentle kisses to the sides of Michaela's lips. He brought his hand up to run his fingers over her swollen lips smiling gently at her. He leaned his forehead against hers. "What are we going to do?" he asked.

**

* * *

****Boston, October 1846**

The hot days of summer gradually faded into the bearable days of autumn. The laziness of summer disappeared with the heat and the pace of life increased around the city and in the Quinn household. Marjorie headed off for her final year of finishing school. At the end of the year, she would officially come out and boys could in earnest begin to court her. Her new school only increased her deplorable attitude toward Sully as well as Michaela. She refused to be seen with either of them outside of her own house. This was fine with Sully and Michaela who were simply happy that Marjorie continued to show disdain towards the adoption.

Sully returned to Boston Latin with an improved situation. The boys that had so readily made fun of him the year before as the new boy, had forgotten all about him. One of his teachers, Instructor Graves took an instant liking to him having been informed of his remarkable talents in math and drawing. His reading had only improved over the summer and he was no longer below grade level nor even in the bottom of the class. He still struggled with some subjects like Latin but his success elsewhere made up for his lack of talents here.

Academically Michaela outshone every girl at school. Her instructors had agreed at the end of the previous year to allow her to study at the advanced level in all of her subjects, meaning she would complete this phase of her schooling a year earlier than most girls of the same age. Socially, Michaela still felt like an outcast at school but she looked forward to Saturdays when her father would take her with him to the hospital. Sully usually accompanied them as well but would leave them to retire somewhere and work on his drawing. Michaela's social status did not faze her but bothered her mother terribly. Elizabeth who was determined to show Michaela what she was missing enacted her plan to bring Michaela onto Boston's social scene.

This plan began with a mother daughter luncheon to which Elizabeth had invited a carefully chosen selection of young ladies from Michaela's class. She chose girls whose parents traveled in the same circles as Elizabeth and Josef and would make good friends for Michaela. The party was set for the first weekend in October and each of the girls that Elizabeth invited had graciously accepted. Michaela's hope had been that no one would want to come and so she was disappointed to find out everyone seemed to be free that Saturday.

The day of the party was cloudy and overcast. A light fog had settled over the city with no sun to burn it off. Michaela who had been carefully dressed by her mother as if she were some sort of doll had scurried off to the library to hide until her guests arrived. Sully was keeping her company until Josef was ready to leave for the hospital.

Sully turned to look at Michaela whose eyes were now closed. "Mike, what are ya doin'?"

"Praying that God would help me in my hour of need by having my guests come down with bubonic plague."

"Mike," Sully giggled. "Don't you think that is a little extreme?"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I already prayed last night that I would wake this morning with some highly contagious sickness. Since I appear to be in perfect health, I decided to move on to the other girls," she finished opening her eyes to look at Sully. "I wish I was a boy," she sighed.

Sully smiled at her. "I'm kinda glad you aren't." He got up from where he sat at Josef's desk to join Michaela on the window seat.

Michaela returned the smile before explaining, "If I was a boy, no one would invite all my schoolmates over for a forced party."

"If you were a boy, I wouldn't hold your hand," Sully returned.

"If I was a boy, I wouldn't have to wear this stupid corset all the time," Michaela added delightfully teasing Sully.

"If you were a boy, I'd never dance with ya," Sully continued the game.

"If I was a boy, I wouldn't have to go to stupid school with all those brainless girls who only care about clothes and shoes…"

Sully cut her off. "If you were a boy, I never would have kissed ya." Michaela blushed but didn't drop her eyes. Sully leaned in towards her unconsciously as they just watched each other for a moment. Though that one kiss still burned in both of their memories, it had not been repeated. They had both learned to be extremely careful especially around Elizabeth who always seemed to be staring at them. They were both simply grateful that Elizabeth hadn't tried to force them apart. The opening of the library door disturbed their moment and they hastily turned their heads away from each other as Josef entered.

"Mike, you look very beautiful today," Josef said smiling at his daughter. "I bet some young ladies are going to be jealous of you."

"Great, I really need another reason for them to dislike me," Michaela replied a sarcastic tone in her voice.

Josef chuckled. "I'm sure you will have a lovely time." Michaela simply rolled her eyes. "And Mike you are making your mother very happy by agreeing to go through with this."

"Did I have a choice?" Michaela asked.

Josef shook his head, not sure what he could say to his temperamental daughter. He had never spent large amounts of time around his other daughters during this time in their lives and now he knew that had been for good reason. The only time Michaela didn't seem to be in a mood was when she worked beside him at the hospital or when she was talking to Sully, though Josef had also seen Sully receive his fair share of Michaela's venom. The boy didn't seem to mind though. "Well, on that note, are you ready to head out Sully?"

Sully laughed. "Yes, I just need to grab my pencils from upstairs," he told Josef as he brushed past him to retrieve the needed items. Josef moved out to the hall to wait for Sully, not wishing to endure anymore of Michaela's wrath. A knock at the door signaled the arrival of the first party guest.

A sullen Michaela emerged from the library as Harrison opened the door. Elizabeth stood in the doorway to the drawing room ready to welcome their visitors. The door opened to reveal not just one but two party guests. Michaela groaned but stepped up to Elizabeth's side as she knew was expected of her. Michaela recognized the two immediately. Their names were Sarah and Rachel. Elizabeth greeted their mothers while Michaela said soft hellos to the two girls who were eagerly looking around the foyer.

Sully having located his pencils returned down the stairs to join Josef who was waiting off to the side not wanting to interfere with the rituals that were being observed at the door. He raised an eyebrow at Sully and Sully suppressed a chuckle. Sarah and Rachel had both spied Sully descending the steps and they whispered something to each other before being overcome with giggles. Michaela rolled her eyes and glanced at Sully to see if he was looking at the girls. He wasn't, his eyes were focused on Michaela and he mouthed the words to her, "No plague?" Michaela dropped her head to conceal a laugh.

Josef and Sully headed towards the front door trying to leave before any other guests arrived. Elizabeth waylaid them to introduce the mothers to Josef. Michaela simply stood to the side watching until Sarah's voice startled her.

"Who's that?" she asked indicating Sully with her eyes. Sully who stood only a few feet from the girls, heard the question and stepped closer to the threesome.

Michaela sighed realizing introductions were in order. "This is Sully," she said to Sarah and Rachel. "Sully, this is Sarah and Rachel."

Sully put on his best Boston manners and made a slight bow to the girls saying, "What a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Michaela pulled her lips tightly together to keep from cracking up. She knew Sully was mocking them and they were completely oblivious.

"Are you Michaela's brother?" Rachel asked.

"Family friend," Sully replied casting Michaela a sideways glance.

"Where do you go to school?" Sarah inquired, each question beginning to come in rapid response to the previous.

"Boston Latin," answered Sully.

"My brother attends Boston Latin," volunteered Rachel. "Maybe he knows you."

"Possibly," was Sully's only response the grin on his face getting wider by the moment.

"How old are you?" Sarah asked.

"Eleven," Michaela injected a touch of annoyance in her voice.

"Practically twelve," Sully added knowing Michaela was getting angry.

"My family is having a costume ball at the end of the month. I know the Quinns will be invited, I am sure my parents would love for you to join us seeing as you're a family friend." Sarah smiled at him as she extended the invitation. Michaela shook her head and sighed heavily.

"I'll see if I can make it," responded Sully rather nonchalantly before Josef gripped his shoulder.

"Ready?" Josef asked his eyes signaling that they needed to get out immediately.

Sully nodded. "It was nice to meet both of you," he said to Sarah and Rachel. "Michaela, have a pleasant afternoon," he said making a slight bow of his head amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Yes, and you too Master Sully," Michaela replied with a slight sneer in her voice. With that Sully turned and followed Josef out the door.

Michaela remained at her mother's side while the rest of their guests arrived. She greeted the girls and their mothers while her own mother looked on approvingly, even telling her at one point that she was doing splendidly. Once all the guests had arrived, everyone settled in the dining room to enjoy lunch.

Talk was mostly conducted by the mothers about finishing schools, society and charity work while the girls whispered among themselves.

After lunch the adults enjoyed tea in the drawing room while the girls retired to the back porch for lemonade and cookies. Michaela took her place among the rest of the girls on the porch, sure that they would ignore her as they had done at lunch. Surprisingly just the opposite occurred. Sarah and Rachel had informed several of the others about the very cute Sully as they had taken to calling him and everyone wanted to know all about the mystery boy.

"Is he your brother?" asked one of the girls named Georgiana who had not been privy to the earlier conversations.

"No, he's a family friend," answered Michaela.

"Who is his family?" was the next question asked by an insipid little red head named Emily.

"He doesn't have a family," replied Michaela. "He is an orphan. He lives with us." Michaela really had hoped this last information would end their interest in Sully. After all she knew Marjorie's reaction to Sully and she couldn't believe their reactions would be much different.

"Tell us about his family before they died," one of the girls asked.

Michaela wasn't about to reveal Sully's background and so she simply said, "I'm sorry; I really can't talk about it."

The subject was far from closed though. This mysterious statement by Michaela piqued everyone's interest and though Michaela refused several more times to give details concerning his parent's demise, the girls talked of little else that afternoon. No one knew who first suggested that Sully's parents were royalty but by the time the luncheon was over each girl had concocted their own story of Sully's heritage. The best story Michaela heard was from Emily who was just sure that Sully was the crown prince of some country and had gone into hiding when his Father had been murdered. Michaela didn't bother to correct them. She was beginning to find the whole situation highly amusing and by the end was even playing along.

Again, Michaela stood at her mother's side playing the role of hostess as their guests departed. The girls, who had practically ignored Michaela upon arriving, each bubbled over with excitement as they hugged her good-bye. Sarah even reminded her about the costume ball and told her to remind Sully as well. Michaela had never in her life seen people act so completely fake to one another. She almost felt dirty as Emily left actually giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

As the door closed on the last guest, Elizabeth turned to Michaela. "Things went wonderfully this afternoon, Michaela. I am so proud of you." Michaela just shrugged her shoulders and gave her mother a half smile. "It appears you have made several little friends," the excitement in Elizabeth's voice was palpable. "The right friends in life are most important dear. You will appreciate my assistance in these matters one day," she said taking Michaela's hand in her own. "Now what was Sarah McNeill going on about?"

"A costume party," answered Michaela.

"Ah, yes, we received the invitation just the other day. I am sure you will enjoy picking out a costume Michaela. I will speak to your Father but I think we should have something made for you. Maybe you could go as Cinderella," Elizabeth suggested hoping to captivate Michaela's interest with this proposal. She liked seeing her daughter look and behave like a young lady and if spending money for an elegant costume would help, Elizabeth was all for it.

"Emily is going as Cinderella," Michaela informed Elizabeth.

"There are lots of other things you could be. Maybe Sleeping Beauty or Rapunzel, goodness knows you have the hair for it. What would you like to be Michaela?"

Michaela was not ignorant of Elizabeth's intentions and she wasn't prepared to give her mother the satisfaction even though going as a fairy tale princess was rather appealing. "Joan of Arc," she spoke out confidently.

"But Michaela Joan of Arc, dressed as a man," said Elizabeth giving her daughter a confused look.

"Precisely," said Michaela before turning and ascending the stairs leaving Elizabeth at the bottom in a state of shock.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Boston, October 1846 – 3 weeks until the Costume Ball**

Monday afternoon was simply beautiful. The leaves on the trees were brilliant colors. A bright autumn sun shone down on the city of Boston warming the air enough to go without jackets or coats. It was a perfect day to be outside enjoying what was left of the warm weather before cold descended upon the city with a vengeance. Sully had dreamed all day of spending the afternoon with Michaela on the Common – stretched out in the sun or walking along the water. The walk from Boston Latin was short and he ran most of the way hoping to beat Michaela home from school. He had just climbed the stairs when the carriage pulled up carrying Michaela and Marjorie.

Marjorie was first to alight from the carriage, quickly making her way past Sully as if he was invisible. Sully mockingly gave her a slight bow to amuse Michaela as she jumped down out of the carriage. She did not notice Sully's antics but simply handed her books to Sully as she passed saying, "Good afternoon, Sully."

Sully looked at the books in his hand and turned to Michaela giving her a puzzled look but she had already started up the stairs. "Hey Mike," he yelled after her. Once inside the front door, Michaela made a beeline for the library. Sully stopped for a moment wondering why they were deviating from their regular routine in which the first stop was the kitchen for an afternoon snack. Shaking his head, he followed Michaela into the library her books still in his hand. Michaela was already bending over the shelves searching through books, obviously on a mission.

"Michaela, what are you doing?" Sully asked still standing in the doorway.

"Looking for pictures of Joan of Arc," she replied, her voice muffled as she hastily flipped through one of the books she had chosen. "Want to help?" she asked as she finally looked up at him.

"Umm…" Sully began, "It's so nice outside, I was hopin' you might want to go to the Common when we finish our homework."

"I don't have any," Michaela replied already burying her head in another book.

"Oh, well do ya want to go to the Common after I finish my homework?"

"If I'm done here," Michaela answered as she indicated the pile of books she had already made on the floor.

"Okay," Sully said half-heartedly, feeling a little dejected that his afternoon plans weren't appealing to Michaela. "I'm gonna go get a snack, do ya want anything?" Michaela did not respond as she continued to run her finger down the spines of her father's books. "Michaela?" Sully called a little louder.

"What?" she asked looking up momentarily.

"Do ya want a snack?" Sully spoke louder than usual and gestured with his hands trying to be humorous.

It was lost on Michaela who gave him an odd look before saying, "No, I'm not hungry." Sully dropped her books on a chair near the door, rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen.

When he returned fifteen minutes later, Michaela was seated at her father's desk with books piled around her. She looked up as he entered smiling briefly before hastily returning to her task. Sully sighed loudly as he settled himself on the window seat to study his Latin words. Every once in a while he would stop to watch Michaela who was flipping madly through another book stopping every couple pages and then continuing on when she didn't find what she was looking for. Twenty minutes slipped by and Sully started his math assignment. Forty minutes had now elapsed and Sully was finished with his homework. He loudly packed up his books hoping to draw Michaela's attention.

At the same moment, Michaela exclaimed, "I found it!"

"Ya found what?" Sully asked making his way over to the desk.

"The perfect picture of Joan of Arc," Michaela said moving her hand to show Sully the picture from the book of saints. The picture was a black and white pencil drawing of a young girl dressed in chain mail, armor and pants. Sully knew it was a girl despite the dress because her long hair flowed down her back with only the top tied back. She held a sword in one hand while the other hand was held by a man in front of her on his knees. The man was clad as a knight.

"What's this for?" Sully asked.

"This is my costume for the McNeill's ball," she said smiling broadly.

"So that's Joan of Arc," said Sully still not understanding Michaela's enthusiasm. "Who's the guy in front of her?"

"That's Jean de Metz. He dressed Joan as a man so that she could carry out her mission to lead France to victory over the English. He was one of her knights. This picture shows him swearing his loyalty to her. He even testified on her behalf at her trial."

"I see," said Sully feigning interest. "Sure that's who ya want to be?"

"Of course it is. She was a strong courageous woman – why wouldn't I want to be her?"

"Never mind," breathed Sully. Michaela hastily pulled the book back towards her carefully marking the page before closing it. "Still want to go to the Common?" Sully ventured.

"I guess," Michaela replied half heartedly.

"No one's forcin' ya to go," Sully returned feeling frustrated with her lack of interest in his plans.

"Wow, someone's awful testy today," Michaela said frowning at him. Sully shook his head at her and turned to leave the library. The sun was fading fast and he knew even if he left right this instant that his time at the Common would be very limited. He stormed over to the front door regretting waiting for Michaela as long as he had. "Wait up," Michaela's voice called from behind him.

"Didn't think ya wanted to go," Sully said not even bothering to turn around.

"I said I did."

"No, you said 'I guess.'" Sully said imitating her voice and listless manner.

"Why are you in such a bad mood?" Michaela asked.

"I'm not," Sully retorted. Michaela rolled her eyes but let the subject drop as she headed for the front door.

The first part of the walk to the Common was conducted in silence as both of them were still angry with each other. Sully knew it was his own fault that he was angry. He often let Michaela dictate where they would go or how they would spend their time. Usually that was fine with him because he knew that they would have fun whatever they did together. Yet it always seemed that when he had something he wanted to do, Michaela always had something more important to do. The frustrating part was he always seemed to be giving in.

Michaela was the first one to break the uneasy silence. "Sully are you upset with me about something?"

Sully kicked a rock out of his path and exhaled loudly. "Just wanted to spend the afternoon with ya at the Common," he said.

Michaela pulled her mouth down at the corners and wrinkled her forehead. "But we're going to the Common right now."

Sully shrugged his shoulders. He didn't feel like getting into it with her. "Wanna race?" he asked changing the subject.

"Okay," Michaela said. Before Sully had a chance to respond she took hold of her skirt with her hands to stop from tripping and sprinted off. It didn't matter though Sully soon caught her and when they arrived at the Common slightly out of breath the afternoon's anger seemed to have dissipated. They walked along the edge of the water for a while before settling down on the grass to enjoy the last rays of sunlight. "What are you going to dress as for the costume party?" Michaela asked turning to Sully.

"Don't know," Sully answered. "Guess I hadn't really thought about it."

"It takes a while to make a good costume, Sully. You'd better decide on something soon," Michaela warned.

"Maybe, I'll go as some prince," Sully said casting a sideways glance at Michaela. Michaela had told him about the luncheon and the rumors that had been started about him.

Michaela laughed. "The girls were still talking about you today."

"Really?" Sully asked. Michaela pursed her lips wondering why he was so interested.

"Sure, I mean you're someone new and you are cute."

Sully grimaced. "Ya think I'm cute?" Michaela blushed but nodded her head. "Hmm," Sully said rubbing his chin.

"What was that about?" Michaela asked noticing the gleam in his eye.

"Think I just decided what my costumes gonna be."

"What?" asked Michaela eagerly.

"Uh-uh, you are going to have to wait and see," Sully replied a smile creeping onto his face.

"But you know my costume," Michaela protested.

"So? You didn't have to tell me."

"That's not fair," pouted Michaela innocently swatting at Sully.

"No one said it was," Sully added as he stood up. He held out his hand to help Michaela up but she shook her head getting to her feet on her own. "Suit yourself," he said still teasing.

"You'll regret this Master Sully," Michaela said continuing the game.

"We'll see about that," Sully answered before they started back to the house as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon.

**

* * *

****Two weeks until the Costume Ball**

_Michaela spotted Sully across the room and smiled shyly. He looked so handsome dressed as St George. Slowly she made her way across the room to where he stood talking with Emily. Emily was wearing a beautiful ball gown with a full skirt. Her hair was in a mass of ringlets and a tiara was perched on top of her beautiful red hair. Sully was laughing as Emily leaned in close to whisper something in his ear. Michaela tapped Sully on the shoulder and he turned towards her._

"_Mike," he said in greeting. "Ya look, umm, courageous this evening."_

"_Good evening, Sully," Michaela replied. "I was wondering if you would care to dance."_

_Sully chuckled softly. "Sorry Emily just asked me."_

"_Maybe later?" Michaela replied._

"_I ain't dancin' with no boy," Sully chuckled taking Emily by the hand and leading her to the dance floor. Michaela looked down at her costume – she was dressed like a knight complete with sword. Suddenly the room was full of laughter – they were all laughing at her. Even the adults were pointing and laughing at her. She started to run away but no matter which direction she tried she could not get away. _

"_You're nothing but a boy, Michaela," Marjorie teased._

"_Michaela, I told you people were going to think you were a boy," Elizabeth scolded._

"_Sully?" Michaela screamed trying to find him in the crowd that now surrounded her pointing and laughing. _

_Emily's face sneered at her from across the room as she watched Sully lean over to place a kiss on her lips._

"No!" Michaela screamed out quickly sitting up in bed. Her hair clung to her neck as she was soaked with perspiration. Her heart was beating rapidly and she was slightly out of breath. Slowly she began to calm and she lay back against her pillow staring up at the ceiling. This was the third night in a row she had dreamed this scene and frankly she was getting tired of it. After the first dream, it had been easy to convince herself she was being silly and worrying for nothing but with each subsequent dream it was becoming harder to believe this. The fight that she and Sully had this afternoon over his refusal to reveal his costume choice wasn't' helping matters. A truce had been reached but there was still an uneasiness between them.

Maybe she should think about changing her costume. All of the other girls would be in beautiful gowns with their hair done. Did she really want to look like a boy? Not really but she refused to give into something she knew her mother wanted so badly. Besides she didn't really care what the boys thought of her or even if they asked her to dance. Except for Sully; she didn't think she could take it if he ignored her or refused to dance with her. Rolling over onto her stomach she placed her head in her pillow and grunted out her frustration while her fists beat on the mattress. As she began to calm an idea occurred to her. Why not ask Sully his opinion on the matter? Whatever he preferred her in she would choose regardless of the consequences from Elizabeth. With a plan firmly fixed in her mind, she closed her eyes hoping for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next afternoon she stepped into the house ready to face the costume issue. She could hear Sully in the kitchen with Martha and she slowly made her way in that direction, a nervousness beginning to form in the pit of her stomach.

"Sully," she greeted him warmly hoping he had forgotten about the fight of the previous day. His mouth was full of cookie but the smile on his face put her at ease. "Good afternoon, Martha," she said as Martha offered her cookies as well. "Thanks."

"We got a letter," Sully said as he finished chewing the cookie.

"We did? From who?"

"Anna," Sully said smiling widely.

"Have you opened it?" Michaela asked. This wasn't the first letter from Anna since their departure but they both had anxiously been awaiting news of the fate of the slave from the Brooks' house. The last letter had hinted that they were preparing to take action.

"Of course not," Sully returned. "Ya think I'd open it without ya?" Michaela smiled and hastily finished off her milk so that they could retire to the privacy of the library.

Once inside the library, they huddled together on the window seat while Sully opened the envelope. The letter was only one page and read:

_Sully and Michaela,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Things here have gone better than we could have expected. Yesterday we received a letter from a dear friend letting us know that they had arrived in Canada safely. Our friends wanted us to pass along their gratitude to both of you. It seems that the young one actually remembered seeing Michaela that fateful day and thought she was an angel who had come to help. They now claim they know you were an angel sent by God because their prayers for deliverance have finally been answered. This letter is short but I wanted to get it in the mail to let you know all is well. Ida and John send their love and hope to see you in December – keep working on your father!_

_All my love,_

_Anna_

"Sully, they did it!" Michaela exclaimed. "They really did it!"

"I know," Sully responded the same joy apparent on his face. "She remembered you Michaela. That little girl remembered you."

"She thought I was an angel. How funny is that?"

"You did look real pretty that day," Sully said smiling widely at Michaela. His words reminded Michaela of her costume dilemma. Her face suddenly clouded over. Clearly, Sully noticed when she dressed up special – did he like her better like that? "Michaela?" Sully asked noticing her change in demeanor. "Ya okay?"

"Fine. I just… well… I was wondering." Michaela dropped her head and spoke the next line as quickly as she could. "Do you like me better when I'm all dressed up?"

Sully squinted at her. "Do I like you better when you're dressed up?" Sully repeated for clarification. Michaela nodded her head but still refused to look up. "I like ya no matter how ya're dressed," Sully responded not quite sure what she was getting at.

Michaela decided to change tactics some. "Do you like it when girls wear fancy dresses?"

"I guess," Sully said.

"How about when their hair is all curly?" Michaela was thinking about Emily's beautiful ringlets under that diamond tiara.

"Sure, I do," Sully answered thinking about Michaela the night of the dance in Maryland.

Michaela looked up at Sully. He had a far off dreamy look in his eye and before she even realized it anger had taken hold of her. "Byron Sully, you are so shallow!" she exclaimed. Sully was left speechless. "Mother said boys can't be trusted and she was right. Any pretty face will just turn your head."

"Mike.. Michaela?" Sully stuttered perplexed at the sudden tongue lashing he was getting.

"I hope your very happy dancing with Emily and her stupid curls," Michaela screamed at him.

"Emily.. what are you talking about?"

"Like you don't know?"

"Michaela, I don't."

"Do you know what Sully? I wish you had never kissed me!"

"Mike, shh! Do ya want the whole house to hear?"

Michaela snorted angrily and then turned to stomp out of the room. Sully had just caught up with her last statement and only now were the words really registering in his mind. He ran the distance to the library door catching Michaela as she began to ascend the stairs. "Michaela Quinn you are the most impossible girl I ever met!" he yelled up at her. Then he turned and slammed the library door still confused about how such a happy afternoon had gone sour so fast. That girl was driving him crazy! He angrily punched a pillow on the window seat but his anger quickly dissolved as a dull ache settled in his heart.

**

* * *

****One Week to the Costume Ball**

Michaela sat in the window seat of the library staring out the window. The leaves were brilliant shades of red and orange and had begun to fall carpeting the ground with their bright colors. Michaela took no notice of this. Sully sat perched in a low branch of one of the trees putting the finishing touches on a sketch he had been working on. As he finished, he noticed Michaela at the window and waved to her. Listlessly, Michaela waved back not even meeting his eyes. Sully gathered his pencils and headed inside to try to talk to Michaela one more time. She had been impossible the last week. One minute she was irrational and angry and the next minute, depressed and contrite. She refused to talk to him about what was wrong and even though he was tired of having his head bitten off, he kept trying.

Michaela took no notice of the library door as it opened nor did she turn her head as a key turned in the lock. It was only when Sully was directly over her and began lightly running his fingers through her hair that she looked up. "Michaela," he spoke gently, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said shaking her head and turning to stare back out the window.

Sully sat down beside her on the window seat and reached over to take her hand. "Sully!" Michaela exclaimed. "What if someone comes in here?"

"I locked the door," Sully informed her looking rather pleased with himself.

"That's a brilliant idea!" Michaela sarcastically exclaimed. "Cause that won't look suspicious or anything." Hastily she walked over, unlocked the door and exited without looking back at Sully once. Sully sighed and leaned his head back against the window. He was done. There was no pleasing her. He thought about his costume for the ball and silently prayed that she would come around when she saw him. Maybe until then it was best if he stayed out of her way.

**

* * *

****October 31, 1846 - Day of the Costume Ball**

One chain mail shirt, one piece of body armor, one pair of pants, one sword, two boots. That was her costume hanging on the back of her closet door. The feeling of elation she had felt knowing that Elizabeth was so displeased had completely passed. There was no triumphant victory, only a hollow emptiness. She felt miserable and she had no one to blame but herself. She had done this to herself. She had chosen the costume and she had literally picked the fights with Sully. For the past week, he rarely spoke to her except in passing. And she was a liar; she had told Sully that she wished he had never kissed her. That was a bold faced lie. Laying back on her bed, she thought about the ball wishing terribly that she had an excuse not to go but knowing that there was no way out of it now.

The sun was descending in the sky and she knew it would soon be time to go. A knock came to her door and Martha opened it before she even invited her in.

"Come on, Miss Michaela," Martha chided. "Time to get you ready for the costume ball." Michaela stood and trudged over to where the outfit hung. Joan of Arc – courageous and fearless – those words did not describe her tonight.

Sully stood at the bottom of the stairs, his hands sweating profusely as he waited for Michaela to appear. Silently he prayed that Michaela would come down before anyone else though he knew that was almost impossible. She hadn't left her room all day and Sully wouldn't have been surprised if she simply refused to attend tonight.

Footsteps at the top of the stairs caught his attention and he turned expectantly. Marjorie descended dressed in a delicate pink dress that made her red hair stand out all the more. Sully knew she was going as Sleeping Beauty though he wasn't sure what part of the costume actually made her Sleeping Beauty. She looked dressed like she would for any fancy dress ball.

"Sully," she said sounding somewhat annoyed.

"You look nice, Marjorie," Sully offered trying to be cordial.

"Thanks," Marjorie answered in return. "Please tell mother, I'll be waiting in the carriage." Sully nodded as she left the house.

More footsteps caught his attention. Hopefully, he turned again. Michaela stood at the top of the stairs staring down at him, her face crestfallen. Slowly she descended dropping her eyes from his as she came closer. Even in the pants and chain mail something about her made Sully's heart beat a little faster and he wished more than anything that she would smile.

"Michaela, I think you make a great Joan of Arc," he said as she stopped just in front of him.

"Thanks," she responded rather despondently. "You make a very handsome knight."

"I'm not just any knight," Sully whispered afraid that at any moment Elizabeth or Josef would arrive and everything would be ruined. Michaela picked up her head to give him a quizzical look. "Do you know who I am?' he asked.

"St. George? Sir Lancelot? " Michaela threw out random guesses.

Sully shook his head and then went down on both knees, his heart racing now. "Put ya sword in ya right hand pointing at the ground," he instructed. Michaela was mesmerized by his behavior and readily obeyed. He reached up and took her left hand in his own. "My lady, I swear my loyalty to follow you valiantly into battle wherever you may go. I will die defendin' ya if necessary and will be your constant companion until we have rid France of the English."

A small smile started at the corners of Michaela's lips and spread upward. "Sully?" she questioned.

"Not tonight," he said. "Tonight, I'm Jean de Metz, faithful servant of Joan of Arc."

"Oh Sully," she said. "I could kiss you."

"Maybe later," he returned. "I think I hear somebody." Hastily he rose as Elizabeth and Josef came into view. They were going as George and Martha Washington with powdered wigs and all.

"Well, don't you two make quite a pair," Elizabeth said as she descended the stairs observing Sully and Michaela with disdain.

Josef smiled widely at both of them, relieved to see that for once that week Michaela was actually smiling. "Joan," he said giving her a small bow. "And Sully – are you any particular knight?"

His eyes locked on Michaela's. "Jean de Metz," he said confidently.

"Who?" asked Elizabeth.

"Jean de Metz," replied Michaela. "He was the faithful knight of Joan of Arc who accompanied her into battle and even testified on her behalf at her trial."

"I had to ask," said Elizabeth shaking her head and turning towards the door.

Josef smiled. "Well, Jean and Joan if you two don't have to fight the English tonight maybe we could head on over to a little party. I hear it will be quite a good time." Michaela and Sully laughed as they followed Josef out the door and into the night together.

**

* * *

****The Costume Ball**

As they stepped out of the carriage, a light fog had settled in the streets of Boston curling up against the window panes of houses giving an eerie feel to the night. Michaela was giddy with anticipation and she anxiously followed behind her parents with Sully at her side. The McNeill's house was marvelously decorated and full to the brim of costumed people. After formal greetings were exchanged at the door, Sully and Michaela headed off on their own to admire the different costumes and enjoy the magical night. The costumes were varied. Several other men were dressed as knights and woman as medieval ladies. Some children ran past dressed as Indians making Michaela and Sully smile. Similar to Marjorie, many of the women simply wore fancy ball gowns though some had partial masks on their faces.

Michaela groaned loudly as the girls from the luncheon seemed to descend on Sully like birds of prey. They each wore beautiful dresses and their hair was nicely done but Michaela hardly noticed. She still couldn't believe what Sully had done for her even after how horrible she had been to him all week.

"Who are you Sully?" Emily asked batting her eyelashes at him.

"Jean de Metz, French knight and defender of Joan of Arc," he proudly announced. Michaela smiled at him and blushed, crinkling her nose up in the process. Sully raised his eyebrows at her frustrating the girls who were not getting as much of his attention as they would have liked.

"I assume Michaela's Joan of Arc then," said Sarah casting a hateful look at Michaela.

"I am," Michaela answered.

"If ya would excuse us ladies," Sully said to the gathered girls, "I was just about to ask Joan here to dance." He extended his hand to Michaela and she readily took it as he led her on to the dance floor. It felt a little awkward at first, both of them wearing metal armor. Soon they settled into a natural rhythm and relaxed enjoying each other's presence.

"Sully, do you think that Elizabeth will get suspicious if we dance too much tonight?" Michaela asked.

Sully chuckled at Michaela's use of Elizabeth's first name. "She might," Sully answered. "But I figure we got a good excuse to be close tonight. Brothers and sisters can certainly dance."

"Sully, you've made me so happy," Michaela said. "I really am sorry for how horribly I have behaved recently."

"It has been a little tryin," Sully teased though both of them knew he was partially serious.

"I didn't mean the thing about the kiss," Michaela whispered leaning in closer to him.

"I know," he smirked. Michaela laughed as Sully swept her once again around the floor. The music ended and Sully lightly pulled Michaela through the crowd to the far side of the room where the doors of the ball room opened onto a balcony. The night was brisk but neither really minded. The balcony was just as crowded as the inside and no one noticed as Sully and Michaela slipped off to the side letting the darkness hide them. Michaela looked around nervously, afraid Elizabeth might be lurking about.

"Don't worry, Michaela," Sully said pressing his side against hers and slipping his hand around her hand. "I'm bein' very careful."

"I see that," Michaela returned.

"I wanted a minute to remind ya of somethin' that I think ya have forgotten." Michaela raised her eyebrows wondering what Sully was possibly going to say. "I'm waiting Michaela for you- only for you. I promise. I know we're just kids. I know that me sayin' that may sound silly to ya but I mean it."

"Oh, Sully," Michaela whispered. "I wish we were older."

"No, Michaela," Sully whispered. "Don't rush it – just let it be. We gotta be patient but someday it will all be worth it." Michaela leaned her head on Sully's shoulder wishing they could stay just like this for the rest of the night.

**

* * *

****Boston- January 2, 1859**

"Michaela don't' do this," Sully begged his eyes filling with tears. "We've waited too long to be together. We can make it work somehow."

"Sully, please I can't," the tears were flowing steadily down Michaela's cheeks.

"Do ya need more time? I'll wait for ya Michaela – for as long as it takes." Sully was desperate.

"I don't want you to wait for me Sully – not anymore. I've been selfish for so long; I can't ask you to wait again. It's not fair to you. It's never been fair to you," she sobbed.

"Oh God, what are you doing?" Sully asked as the tears now slipped down his own cheeks.

Michaela took the ring from her pocket and pressed it against his palm. The metal was cool but it burned in her fingers. Her only desire had been to proudly wear that ring and now she would never know that joy. She knew that her heart was literally being ripped out of her chest and that she was the one doing the ripping but she truly believed it was for the best – for her and for Sully.

The train whistle blew. "Sully you have to go," Michaela said trying hard to suppress the pain that was making her breathing difficult. Boldly, Sully pulled her into his embrace and kissed her deeply on the lips. Michaela couldn't help but respond even though she knew she should have pulled away.

Sully pulled back and looked into her eyes. "This is really good-bye, isn't it?"

Michaela could not speak but only nodded. "I would have waited for you forever," he said pulling her close once more.

"I know," she said finding a new strength within herself. "Because you promised me you would but Sully I release you from that promise."

He let go of her abruptly as her words began to sting him deeply. "I would have waited forever," he said again before he turned stepping onto the train and out of her life.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- one**

**Thanksgiving 1846**

Josef stood at the library window looking out in the backyard at Michaela and Sully. November's chill had long ago settled on Boston but Michaela and Sully seemed to be immune to it. Both of them were perched on the limb of a tree, Sully drawing something and Michaela eagerly watching him. The change that had been wrought in Michaela in the last month was unbelievable. For all of October she had been moody and irritable, almost impossible to be around. Josef regretted not trying to talk to her more during that time. Maybe there had been something going on with her. He still felt bad about that and had vowed to himself to not let his daughter become so distant again.

Yet whatever had been wrong with her, she seemed to be cured of her bouts of melancholia completely and Josef was ecstatic. Over the past month, she had thrown herself into her work at the hospital more than ever. True she just did menial tasks but she accomplished each with vigor and enthusiasm. He smiled to himself and looked around his library. One day, he would share his practice with Michaela. Just the thought filled his heart with joy. And Sully- he was so proud of Sully. He had come so far in such a short period of time. It didn't matter if they hadn't officially adopted him, in his heart Sully was his son.

Josef turned and looked at his desk, the letter from his mother still laid out on it. She wanted them all to come to Maryland for Christmas. Josef sat down heavily in his chair, knowing it would be just about impossible to convince Elizabeth to go. He rarely put his foot down, often giving into Elizabeth's preferences. He liked to think of it as choosing his battles but this might just be one he would choose to fight. Michaela and Sully certainly wanted to go. He knew Marjorie would prefer to stay in Boston but no matter how much she complained, she was still underage and could be told what to do. Elizabeth was the real wild card. Could he convince her to spend Christmas in Maryland? He would try, after all, his mother wasn't getting any younger. Soon she would be gone and he would regret not trying to see her more.

A loud shout coming from outside caught his attention and Josef rose to go to the window. Mike was chasing Sully around the backyard, letting her almost catch him before taking off again. Josef laughed to himself watching his two children. In less than a week, Sully would be twelve – a young man. Time just kept marching forward and he wished he could stop it. Michaela had really blossomed over the last year and in his opinion, her beauty outshone her sisters. Still she didn't seem too interested in boys which Josef was pleased about. She would need to be focused on school alone if she wanted to be a doctor. Sully had grown tremendously in the last year. When he had first come to them, he had been small for his age but now he had caught up to the boys his age and even passed them in height. Josef knew that with Sully turning twelve, the subject of boarding school was sure to be broached by Elizabeth again. It didn't matter though. He had already decided- he wasn't going to ship Sully off. Boston Latin was a fine school. Besides Sully had been with them such a short time, Josef wasn't ready to see him go.

He stood now just watching the two of them. Sully had let Michaela catch him. Sully had his back to her, Michaela's arms wrapped tightly around his torso refusing to let go. Sully's hands pried at her fingers trying to get away from her. Or was he trying to get away? Was he actually holding her hands there? Mike glanced up at the window, quickly dropping her hands from around Sully and waving a little too enthusiastically at her father. Sully followed suit. Josef waved back. What had he been thinking? Elizabeth must be really getting to him with all the talk that Sully and Michaela had romantic feelings for each other. What utter nonsense. He stood watching them for a few more minutes until they both settled down on the tree limb again. This time Michaela was reading while Sully continued drawing. Josef finally tore himself away and went to see what Elizabeth was up to.

* * *

"Is he gone yet?" Michaela whispered to Sully.

Sully raised his eyes ever so slightly to see that Josef's form had left the window. "Yeah, he's gone."

Michaela let out a relieved breath. "That was close," she said.

"At least it wasn't' Elizabeth," Sully returned smiling at her with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh my gosh, she would have gone crazy. They're touching! They're touching!" she exclaimed mocking Elizabeth. "Do you know she thinks boys can't be trusted? She told me that they can't control themselves around girls."

Sully raised an eyebrow at her. "Seems to me, it's the other way around."

"What do you mean?"

"Who was grabbin' who while ago? " Sully asked raising his eyebrows at her.

"I was not grabbing you. You make it sound like I was doing something wrong. I was just chasing you and besides you let yourself be caught. Maybe you wanted me grabbin' all over ya." Michaela teased but blushed as this last line left her mouth.

Sully chuckled. "Can't say I mind," he smirked.

"Sully!" Michaela chided but the sides of her mouth were curling up into a smile.

"What?" Sully replied shrugging his shoulders. With one final glance at Michaela, he returned to sketching. Michaela picked her book back up but set it down not even a minute later. She was bored. Nudging Sully with the toe of her shoe, she got his attention.

"What do you want for your birthday?" she asked.

"Umm.. a new sketch book or maybe some paints. I haven't done much with paints – thought I'd give 'em a try."

"That's what you told Father already. I mean what do you want from me?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You can't think of anything you want?"

"I'm not used to gettin' lots of gifts for a birthday. I usually just got some candy or somethin' like that."

"Yes, but now you live in Beacon Hill," Michaela said dramatically. "And in Beacon Hill, birthdays are a big deal. So what can I get you?"

"Don't really need anythin'."

"There is nothing that you want from me?" Michaela asked playfully. Sully's eyes suddenly got large and he dropped his head. "Sully are you blushing?" Michaela asked noticing the pink slowly rising in his cheeks.

"Just a little cold, that's all," he said.

"Sully?" Michaela asked as he hastily went back to his sketching.

"Hmm."

"You just thought of something, didn't you? Tell me," Michaela insisted now nudging him harder with her foot.

"I'm tryin' to sketch here. It's a little difficult if you keep bumpin' into me."

Michaela grabbed his sketch book and jumped out of the tree. "Michaela, give it back," Sully said.

"Not until you tell me what you were thinking while ago," Michaela replied cocking her head to the side.

"I wasn't thinking anything," Sully said exasperated.

"Yes, you were. Stop lying."

"Just give me my book."

"Michaela! Sully!" called Elizabeth's voice from the back porch. "Both of you need to go upstairs and dress for dinner. Our guests will be here any minute." Sully looked relieved and held out his hand for his sketch book.

Michaela grudgingly returned it. "Elizabeth might have saved you this time but I will get it out of you," she laughed running past him to enter the house.

* * *

Thanksgiving dinner was no different from normal at the Quinn house. Adults sat at the large table in the dining room while children were relegated to a smaller round table in the corner. Normally Michaela deeply resented the banishment to the corner as she called it. The banishment didn't seem so bad this year as she took a seat between Sully and her five year old niece, Anne. Away from the adults, Sully and her had the opportunity to speak freely and laugh about the silly way her sisters behaved. Marjorie was pouting as she had wanted to spend the day with some boy's family. Elizabeth had refused to allow her to go as she had not officially come of age for courting. Maureen sat rigidly by Charles who was attentive to her every whim and need, though Maureen was treating him horridly. Claudette wasn't present as her and Benjamin, her husband, were spending Thanksgiving with his family who lived only a few houses down. They were sure to come by later for dessert. Rebecca sat closest to the children's table in case she was needed by Anne or Robert. Elizabeth presided over all, firing off orders to anyone within hearing range. Josef sat quietly at the far end of the table waiting for Elizabeth to finish so that the meal could begin in earnest. The food as always was delicious and Sully helped himself to several plates with Michaela wondering where he was putting it all.

After dinner, the woman retired to the drawing room while the men went off to Josef's library. Sully and Michaela had their own plans to head back outside but they were quickly waylaid.

"Sully, come join us in the library," Josef invited holding his arm open to Sully. When Sully stepped forward he clasped Sully's shoulder holding him to his side. "Can't believe you'll be twelve in just a few days time. It's time you joined the men," he said giving Sully a small wink as they walked off together.

Michaela huffed in protest as her plans were thwarted but she headed off to the drawing room knowing that her presence was expected by Elizabeth. Elizabeth was holding court with her daughters and grandchildren, focused at the minute on Anne who was singing a song. Michaela quickly located her book where she had stashed it earlier under one of the drawing room chairs and headed over to the corner to read. Rebecca had watched Michaela enter and head over to the corner. The children both seemed entertained for the moment so she headed over to talk to Michaela.

"Michaela," she began as she pulled a chair closer to her younger sister. "What are you reading?"

"Othello, it's for school," Michaela answered putting the book down in her lap.

"Can you spare some time to talk with me?" Rebecca asked. "I feel like we haven't really talked in ages."

"No, it has been a long time," agreed Michaela. She had always treasured Rebecca's visits, looking forward to the chance to be completely herself and know Rebecca would accept her for who she was.

"I feel rather out of touch with you. I hear you and Sully had a wonderful time at grandmother's this summer."

Michaela nodded. "Oh, we did. The river is really beautiful and her house is amazing."

"I remember that from the one time we visited," Rebecca said. She reached over and touched Michaela's hand. "You look so grown up, Michaela. I can't believe I used to carry you around on my hip when I was your age." Michaela chucked at the thought of that. "So did you meet any interesting young men in Maryland?"

"Sort of," Michaela answered averting her eyes.

"I see," smiled Rebecca. "More interesting than the boys in Boston?"

"Maybe," replied Michaela still looking off to the side.

"Hmm." Rebecca smiled at Michaela's blushing cheeks. "So there is a young man who has caught your eye?" Michaela nodded her head and turned a deeper shade of red. Rebecca giggled acting like a school girl. "Is he cute?" she asked.

"I think so," Michaela whispered.

Rebecca crinkled her nose up, excitement clearly written on her face. "Is he older than you?" Michaela stopped herself suddenly, realizing she was treading on dangerous ground. Rebecca noticed her reaction. "Michaela?" Rebecca asked. "Is something the matter?"

"No, it's just I don't think this boy knows I exist," she lied.

"You might be surprised Michaela. You have really bloomed into a lovely young lady. I am sure boys are beginning to notice." Rebecca smiled at her and Michaela felt the danger pass.

"Rebecca, could I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"If I wanted to give this particular young man a gift, something special that would let him know that I…" Michaela drifted off unsure of the right word to use to keep her in safe territory.

"That you like him," Rebecca finished. Michaela nodded. "Do you mean like a Christmas gift?" Michaela nodded again. "I suppose you could give him something small and inexpensive. You don't want him to think you are too forward. It's best to let the boys do the chasing."

Michaela blushed again and nervously played with her hands. "What do you mean?"

"In general, men want to be the aggressors in the relationship. A woman should wait for the man," Rebecca finished.

"I don't understand," Michaela sighed a confused expression on her face. "Wait for what?"

"For the man to initiate the relationship. For example, a man should be the one to ask your permission to kiss you and then if you agree.. well, I don't know if we should even be talking about this. You won't have to worry about kissing boys for another few years."

"Right," Michaela nervously laughed. Suddenly she felt sick. Did Sully perceive her as the aggressor? And oh my gosh, she had told him he could kiss her at that dance in Maryland. What was wrong with her? She couldn't do anything right.

"Marueen!" Elizabeth's excited voice carried across the room. Rebecca and Michaela turned to see what was going on. "Why didn't you tell us earlier?"

"I was trying to wait until Claudette arrived but I really couldn't hold it in any longer," Maureen explained. Rebecca was already walking across the room and Michaela felt curiosity drawing her as well.

"What is it?" Rebecca asked.

"I'm expecting," Maureen said her eyes shining. "Charles and I found out two weeks ago. We waited to tell everyone today." At that moment, another shout was heard from the back of the house.

"Sounds like Charles just told the men," Elizabeth smiled. They heard the library door open and feet coming down the hall. Josef was the first one in.

"Has she told you, Elizabeth?" he asked, excitement clearly written on his face. Charles appeared right behind him, proud as he could be.

"Yes, Maureen just told us." Elizabeth rose quicky to hug her daughter and son-in-law overjoyed that another grandchild was on the way. Rebecca's husband, John and Sully appeared in the doorway and joined the crowd now busy hugging the young couple and offering congratulations. Michaela hugged Maureen lightly and offered her congratulations. Uncertain whether it was proper to hug Charles she extended her hand to him but he ignored her hand and wrapped both arms around her in a huge bear hug. When he let go of her, he pulled Sully into a bear hug as well, saying, "My son's future aunt and uncle."

Michaela looked at Sully as Charles let go of him. His face had the same expression it did whenever Josef referenced the word son and him in the same sentence. Michaela felt that familiar ache in the pit of her stomach; the one that was a strange combination of anger and hurt. Anger that anyone would assume Sully was her brother and hurt for Sully that he couldn't have the family he so badly wanted. Sully offered his hand to Maureen and she shook it smiling demurely. He then joined Michaela who stood a little away from the happy group. Shyly he smiled at her gently brushing her hand with his. The familiar tingles shot through Michaela's body as the great urge to be physically close to Sully overtook her. Was this what Rebecca had meant? If they had been alone, Michaela would have thought nothing of holding his hand or resting her head against his shoulder. She sighed loudly as she came to the decision that she was often too forward.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked, his voice low.

"Fine," Michaela mumbled not wanting to meet Sully's eyes. Sully studied her for a moment and watched as she literally crawled back into her depression from the month before. What had happened in the brief twenty minutes they had been apart to cause her to regress like this? Sully felt anger rising in his chest for the moment directed at Elizabeth as she was usually the source of contention when it came to Michaela. A knock on the front door disrupted them all and soon Harrison had showed Claudette and her husband in. The good news was shared again as Michaela separated herself from the group and returned to her book. Sully started to go to her but noticed Elizabeth's ever watchful eye trained on him and thought better of it. Maybe tonight would afford him an opportunity to speak to her.

* * *

Josef took a deep breath as he stood outside their bedroom door. The day had gone well and Elizabeth generally seemed to be in a good mood. He knew that the sooner he approached her about spending Christmas in Maryland, the more time she would have to get used to the idea and possibly he could manage to convince her. Tonight, he would just mention it casually to get her used to the idea. Stepping into the room, he realized she was already in bed reading. Quietly he maneuvered around the room washing up and changing into his nightclothes. As he slipped into the bed, Elizabeth set her book down expectantly.

"What a wonderful day," she said smiling at him as he picked up a medical journal.

"It sure was," Josef returned.

"I can't believe Maureen is expecting all ready."

"I know Charles was so funny. Did you see the way he was fussing over her?"

"It reminded me of a certain someone when I found out I was first pregnant with Rebecca."

"I wasn't that bad, was I?" Elizabeth gave Josef a look and they both shared a good laugh.

"Thank you for taking Sully in with the men today," Elizabeth said starting to pick her book back up.

"Your welcome," Josef said looking over at her, an odd expression on his face. "He really is growing into a young man and next week he'll be twelve. It's hard to believe."

"I know," Elizabeth sighed a worried expression on her face. "That's what worries me."

"Oh, Elizabeth you're not still on that jag about Sully and Michaela having romantic feelings for each other, are you?"

"I know you think it is foolish Josef,"

Before Elizabeth could finish, Josef cut her off. "Yes I do think it's foolish and a bunch of nonsense. Anyone who saw them together would simply think they act like brother and sister."

"Hmph," Elizabeth angrily picked up her book.

This wasn't turning out the way Josef had expected. Maybe tonight wouldn't be a good time to bring up Christmas at Anna's. "Elizabeth, I don't want us to fight about this." Elizabeth just exhaled loudly and moved towards the side of the bed holding her book in front of her face. Josef shook his head and resignedly asked, "Have you seen more evidence or something?"

"No and that's the problem," replied Elizabeth with the book still in front of her face.

"I don't understand," Josef said.

"It's like they are purposely trying to act like brother and sister. There has been no more hand holding, no more blushing at exchanged looks, no more secret whispering."

"Elizabeth, you aren't making any sense."

"Don't you see Josef? They know I'm onto them."

"Oh, brother!" Josef exclaimed. "Elizabeth that is completely ridiculous."

"Fine, don't believe me but when your son asks for your daughter's hand in marriage, maybe your eyes will finally be opened. Good night!" Elizabeth slammed her book down on the bedside table and turned down her lamp before noisily rolling over to the very edge of the bed and turning her back to Josef.

"Good night," Josef sighed. "Oh and by the way Anna wants us to spend Christmas with her in Maryland."

"What?"

"Good night."

"Josef did you just say that your crazy mother wants us to spend Christmas in Maryland?" Elizabeth sat up in bed.

"I might have mentioned that," Josef answered casually.

"Do you think you're being cute?" Elizabeth accused. "If you think I'm,"

"Elizabeth, I already know you don't want to go. She's my mother so I'll take Sully and Michaela and go see her. You and Marjorie can stay here."

"Oh no you won't. Those two are not getting out of my sight again. Who knows what they were up to this summer."

"Does that mean you'll be going?"

"Don't have much of a choice, do I?" Elizabeth said flopping back down into the bed and closing her eyes. Josef smiled to himself. Things had worked out better than he could have expected. Closing the medical journal, he turned down the lamp and lay down beside Elizabeth.

"Who knows Elizabeth maybe you'll actually enjoy yourself," he couldn't resist murmuring.

"I heard that," Elizabeth responded. "And that remains to be seen." Josef chuckled silently and then closed his eyes knowing that at least Michaela and Sully would be excited to go.

* * *

The door at the end of the hall closed and Sully waited. A few minutes later it opened and closed again. That had to mean Josef and Elizabeth had both retired for the evening. There had not been one moment to be alone with Michaela since the afternoon and Sully was anxious to talk to her and find out what was wrong. Her mood had been rather listless for the rest of the day causing Sully to worry. Ten minutes slowly passed but to Sully it felt like at least an hour. He decided to risk it. Stepping out into the hall, he was thankful for the moonless night that covered him in darkness. Quietly he crept down the hall stopping at Michaela's door. The proper thing to do was knock but he couldn't take the chance that someone might hear him so he slowly turned the door knob and slipped into the room. Pitch blackness greeted him and he feared Michaela might already be asleep when he heard the muffled sound of crying coming from the bed.

"Michaela," he whispered into the blackness using the crying sounds to orient himself in the darkness. The muffled sobbing stopped and was replaced by sniffing noises. "Are ya awake," he whispered.

"Sully?" Michaela asked.

"Yeah." Slowly he made his way in the direction of the bed as his eyes had finally adjusted enough to make out the room. Michaela sat up in bed and tried to wipe off her cheeks and stop her body from shaking. "What's wrong?" Sully said as he gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed unsure of where Michaela's legs were. Michaela slid over to make more room for Sully but did not answer. "Give me your hand, Michaela and tell me what's wrong," Sully wasn't asking he was telling her what to do. He stuck his hand out toward her and without much thought Michaela picked up her hand and held it out in his direction. Immediately Sully grasped it in his own and lightly caressed it with his thumb. Still Michaela remained silent. "Michaela, what happened today that has ya all upset?"

Michaela let out a small hiccup as she tried to suppress the sobs that were rising in her throat. It probably wasn't wise to tell Sully but there really was no one else to tell. Finally, in a loud whisper she sobbed, "Oh Sully, I'm sorry I don't behave like a proper girl." As the words came out, the damn broke once more and tears cascaded down her cheeks as the sobs fought their way out of her throat. Sully quickly scooted closer to her and lovingly rubbed her back with his free hand.

Only after she had calmed some did he try to speak. "Michaela, I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"Rebecca told me that girls shouldn't chase boys."

"Okay," Sully said still confused.

"I mean they should wait for boys to make the first moves as far as a relationship is concerned," she continued.

"Oh," Sully gasped as he understood what she was saying. Still it didn't make sense that she was upset.

"She says girls shouldn't be forward. But sometimes I feel like I can't help myself," Michaela became hysterical again.

"Shh," Sully tried to silence her so that he could speak. "What do ya mean ya can't help yourself?"

"Like when I asked you to kiss me or when I sometimes hold your hand or lean my head on your shoulder."

"There ain't nothin' wrong with any of that."

"But Rebecca says it isn't proper."

Sully considered that for a moment. "I guess I don't care."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that if ya want to hold my hand or lean your head on my shoulder or hug me or... kiss me, ya should just do it. I mean if Elizabeth ain't got the eye on us." Sully laughed as he said this last part and his heart felt glad when he heard Michaela let out a small giggle as well.

"You truly believe it's alright?" Michaela asked.

"Umm-hmm," Sully affirmed.

"I don't have to wait for you," she continued.

"No waiting," Sully whispered. The words were barely out of his mouth when he felt Michaela's arms encircle him in a hug.

"Thank you, Sully, thank you!"

"Shh," Sully whispered afraid that Josef and Elizabeth might hear. "Ya okay now?"

"Yes," Michaela said pulling away from him.

"Good," Sully smiled at her giving her hand one final squeeze before letting go. "Better be goin' before night patrol catches me out and about." Michaela giggled at this. "Night," he said as he neared the door.

"Good night Sully," Michaela replied. Her heart swelled with gratitude and she held her hands to her chest feeling like her heart might just burst with joy. It amazed her how he could change her whole outlook with a few simple words. Soon she drifted off to sleep a smile firmly fixed upon her face.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1866**

Slowly Michaela opened her eyes feeling Sully's warm breath lightly moving her hair. Turning her head to the side, she watched as Sully rested peacefully on his stomach, his right arm thrown out to the side and his left arm draped over her while his hand gently cupped her breast. Love surged through her as she became aware of Sully's leg casually hooked over her own and her left hand resting on his thigh. She bit her bottom lip as the memories of the previous night's magic washed over her. Lightly she ran her right hand up the side of her body, marveling at the sensations Sully had awakened in her the night before. The blanket had shifted during the night and Michaela slowly became aware that her upper body was partially exposed. Hastily she pulled the blanket up as she felt Sully stir beside her. Remembering where her hand rested caused a light blush to creep onto her cheeks, still her hand remained in the same place.

"Mornin'," whispered Sully softly stroking the delicate skin just below her breasts.

"Good morning," Michaela replied nervously biting her bottom lip.

"How long have ya been awake?" Sully asked intrigued by the innocent look that played across Michaela's face and the feel of her hand which had unconsciously began kneading his thigh.

"A little while," Michaela said turning her face to see him better.

"Whatcha been doin' for that little while?"

"Waiting," she answered.

"Waiting for what?" Sully raised his eyebrows at her questioningly.

"Well," Michaela signed turning a deeper shade of red. "I...was..waiting for you," she said slowly.

"Hey," he said gently moving his hand up to cup her cheek. "Remember, what I told you a long time ago." Michaela smiled and nodded as she thought back. "We've waited too long Michaela. No more waiting, okay?" he whispered. She nodded shyly. "Can't be too forward for me," he said giving her a wink before leaning down to claim her lips with his own.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 5, 1846**

"Happy Birthday Sully," Michaela yelled rushing down the street to where Sully was trudging home from school.

"Thanks," Sully said, his face suddenly all smiles. "How did ya beat me home?"

"Father picked me up early today. I'm supposed to keep you occupied for a little while," Michaela said a mischievous grin on her face.

"Why?" Sully craned his neck trying to get a glimpse of the house.

"My lips are sealed," said Michaela walking past him.

"Where are ya goin'?"

"Where are we going?" Michaela corrected him.

"Okay, where are we goin'?" Sully repeated.

"We are going to walk to the Common to enjoy this very cold brisk weather and this overcast sky," Michaela said sarcastically before taking off. Sully looked down the street after her wondering what was going on. "Hey, slowpoke," Michaela called over her shoulder. "You don't want a girl beating you on your birthday, do you?"

That was all Sully needed to hear and he took off after her, passing her well before they reached the Common. Instead of slowing down like he normally did, he kept on running. Leaving his school books out in the open for Michaela to see, he quickly hid behind a small grove of trees. Michaela reached the Common a few minutes later her side aching with a stitch. Sully wasn't anywhere to be seen. "I wonder what he is up to," Michaela said to herself before spotting his books lying on the ground.

Slowly she made her way over to them continually looking around, knowing Sully was trying to scare her most likely. As she neared the books, Sully did in fact jump out behind her and grab her around the midsection, hauling her back into the trees. "I got you!" he screamed in triumph.

"Put me down!" Michaela giggled only half heartedly trying to free herself from his grasp.

"Ain't letting ya go until ya tell me what the surprise is," Sully threatened.

"Sully, I can't," Michaela said more out of breath than before. Sully let her go giving her an odd look. "You know you never told me what you wanted for your birthday from me," Michaela said leaning back against a tree.

Sully gulped. "Yeah I did – paints, remember?"

"No, there was something else you wouldn't tell me." Sully gave her a look like he had no idea what she was talking about. "It's really too late now. I already bought you something but if you tell me what it was I can still buy it for Christmas."

"It's not somethin' ya buy," he said turning away from her.

"It's not?" asked Michaela suddenly perplexed. "What is it then?"

"I… well, umm… I wanted…. That is I thought maybe…. Maybe I could hold your hand for a little bit and maybe I could kiss ya again?" Sully stumbled over his words his hands nervously twisting the edges of his coat.

"That's what you wanted Sully," Michaela exclaimed wondering why she had racked her brain so hard to think of something to buy him.

Sully felt foolish and dropped his head to the ground. "If ya don't want to," he began.

Michaela sat down and patted the ground beside her. Sully wasn't sure what she wanted but he sat down anyway. Michaela took his left hand and laced her fingers through his. "Like this?" she asked. Sully nodded his head and smiled at her. Michaela took her other hand and brushed her hair away from her face. Sully watched as she closed her eyes. "I'm waiting," she teased crinkling up her nose. Sully hastily looked around making sure they were out of anyone's line of vision. He lifted his free hand to lightly stroke her cheek. Michaela opened her eyes at the sensation but quickly closed them again. Sully shifted onto his knees and slowly leaned down lightly brushing her lips with his own. As he pulled back, Michaela opened her eyes. "Happy Birthday," she whispered smiling up at him. "Next time just tell me what ya want. It will save me a lot of thinking time," she joked. Sully laughed and leaned back against the tree savoring the feel of her hand in his and wondering what surprise was awaiting him at home.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- two**

**Boston - December 5, 1846**

Michaela knew that she was only supposed to keep Sully away from the house for a short time. The problem was that being this close to him felt too good. The opportunity for simple contact with one another had been few and far between since their time at Anna's had ended. Now, Sully's arm was around her back and she had scooted down so she could comfortably rest her head against his shoulder. Sully's head leaned against hers and his warm breath stirred her hair. Somehow just sitting here with him made her forget everything but the moment. Her eyes were closed and she was so relaxed she could have drifted off to sleep.

Sully was also enjoying the closeness they were sharing but unlike Michaela he wasn't relaxing. He could feel her limp body and knew her eyes were closed. To him that meant he was on guard. They were partially shielded from prying eyes by the trees but the thought that someone might see them kept him on edge. He knew how easily stories slipped around among the well to do of Boston society and he had too much respect for Josef and Michaela to allow that to happen. They would have to leave soon and as curious as he was about the surprise at home, he didn't want to step away from this rare moment he was sharing with Michaela.

"Michaela," he whispered.

"Hmm," she said stirring a little.

"How long were ya supposed to keep me occupied for?"

"Not long." Michaela made no further movement.

"Do ya think we better head back?"

"Yes," Michaela responded still not moving. Sully had an idea and he hastily looked around the Common one last time. He moved his arm down her back and brought his other hand up to tilt her chin back so that her face was pointed up toward his. She smiled but her eyes remained closed. With all the innocence of young love, he again brought his lips to rest momentarily on top of hers giving her a small kiss. Michaela opened her eyes as he pulled away.

"I see Sleeping Beauty really does awaken with a kiss," Sully whispered as Michaela blushed.

"Sorry," she apologized sitting up. Sully got to his feet and extended his hand to Michaela to help her up. Graciously she accepted it and soon they had set off across the Common. Michaela ran her fingers across her lips as they walked along.

"Did you just wipe off my kiss?" Sully asked glancing over at her.

Michaela blushed. "No!" she exclaimed.

"That's what it looked like to me," Sully said in mock anger.

"I was just…umm…" As Michaela continued to stumble over her words, the Quinn carriage stopped on the street in front of them and Marjorie jumped out.

"What are you doing Michaela? You were supposed to have Sully home over twenty minutes ago!" Marjorie practically screamed at her.

"Are we that late?" Michaela asked hoping Marjorie was exaggerating.

"Yes! Come on," she said climbing up into the carriage.

Michaela and Sully glanced at each other and quickly followed Marjorie into the carriage. Even as they climbed inside, Michaela could feel herself slipping into panic mode. An all too familiar knot had settled in her stomach and her heart was racing. When Josef had realized they would need to keep Sully out of the house for a little while so they could finish up with his birthday present, Michaela had eagerly volunteered. Elizabeth quickly expressed her objections but when she came to see that there really was no alternative she had reluctantly agreed. First of all, Michaela had kept guests waiting. It wouldn't matter to Elizabeth that they were all family. Of course Elizabeth would also be upset about them being alone together without a chaperone and she would certainly jump to all sorts of conclusions.

Sully sat across from her absentmindedly staring out the window, a smile firmly fixed upon his face. The stolen moments on the Common came flooding back to Michaela just looking at him. She pressed her lips together and sighed as she decided that whatever consequences she had to face, the afternoon had been worth it.

As the carriage rolled to a stop in front of their house, Sully glanced at Michaela. He raised his eyebrows in concern at the look he saw etched on her face- half-scarred and half-excited. Marjorie quickly alighted from the carriage and Michaela moved to do the same but Sully stopped her placing his hand on her knee.

"Michaela don't worry. I've got a plan," he whispered. Michaela smiled shyly, grateful that Sully always seemed to be able to read her so well.

"Thank you," she whispered back briefly covering Sully's hand with her own before descending from the carriage. Sully quickly jumped out behind Michaela and pushed past her feeling suddenly the need to defend her at all costs.

Stepping into the house, Sully was greeted by the entire Quinn family wishing him Happy Birthday. Josef wrapped his arms around Sully first, hugging him warmly as he beamed from ear to ear. Michaela stood demurely off to the side watching and hoping that her tongue lashing from Elizabeth would wait for later.

As soon as the murmurs of the well wishers died done Sully spoke. "Thank ya so much. I've never had a real party before. Sorry we're late. It's my fault. Michaela kept insisting we had to go but I was busy climbing trees and wouldn't come down. If I had known what was waiting for me.. well…" Sully smiled broadly now.

"That's fine," soothed Josef. "Don't even worry about it." He wrapped his arm around Sully's shoulder and started moving him toward the stairs. "Your present is upstairs," he announced. Sully gave him a puzzled look but began to climb the stairs. The rest of the family headed for the stairs as well and Michaela fell into line behind them.

Elizabeth was suddenly right beside her with a disapproving look in her eye but she said nothing as they climbed to the second floor. The group made their way down to Sully's bedroom where the door was closed.

Josef cleared his throat signaling everyone to quiet down. "Sully, you have been with us for over a year now. Last year at this time we didn't even know it was your birthday," he said chuckling. "Guess it's just one of those things you don't think to ask. Anyway, we wanted to do something special for you to let you know we do view you as part of the family. You have been sleeping in Rebecca's old room for over a year and I thought it was time we made it your own." With those words he opened the door. Sully's face dropped in amazement. He blinked his eyes rapidly as he surveyed the room. Josef encouraged him to step inside and then further in so that the family could join them.

The bed which had been covered in a pink and green quilt was now covered by a dark and light blue damask coverlet. The vanity had been removed completely and in its place was a desk made of walnut. Josef led Sully over to it.

"This desk is made especially for architects and artists," Josef explained. He showed Sully how the top of the desk could be lifted at an angle. Sully lovingly ran his hands over the top, too stunned to speak. "The supplies inside are from Rebecca and John. The bed cover is from Maureen and Charles and Claudette and Benjamin." Sully turned and noticed the bookshelf where the old desk had sat. He quickly went over to it and again ran his hands along the shelves. Josef was elated to see Sully so happy. "The bookcase is from us like the desk. Some of the books on it are the ones I enjoyed as a boy. There are some new ones about architecture from Marjorie." Sully turned back around smiling and ready to thank everyone when his eyes caught the picture over his bed. The previous picture had been a pastel of a little girl in a flower garden. Sully smiled broadly at what now stood in its place and he knew who it was from. Josef followed his gaze. "And the pictures are from" Josef didn't get to finish his sentence.

"Michaela," Sully finished still staring straight ahead. Over the bed, mounted and framed hung a picture of the Choptank River, a full moon above it. Sully had painted the picture himself using watercolors that Anna had given him. The significance that the picture held for him and Michaela could not be grasped by anyone in the room. This was their moon, their river. It reminded him of their summer and would every time he looked at it. But Josef had said pictures. Quickly he looked around and found two more on either side of the window. Again they were his pictures – a smaller black and white sketch of Anna's house and a picture of the sailboat docked at the pier.

Sully realized that he hadn't thanked anyone and suddenly he turned. "I," he began, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. "I have never had my own room. None of ya can possibly know what this means to me. Thank ya so much," he finished his voice cracking as he said it. New murmurs began among the family and there was another round of hugs exchanged. Slowly the family began to filter back downstairs to await dinner and then a special cake in honor of Sully's birthday.

"Where's Marjorie?" Elizabeth asked as they entered the drawing room.

"I think someone called on her. Harrison came and told her someone was waiting for her at the front door when we were getting ready to see Sully's new room," Charles answered innocently as he settled Maureen into a chair acting as if she might break at any second.

Elizabeth exhaled loudly before turning to exit the room. Sully made his way over to where Michaela sat on the couch and sat beside her. While everyone else seemed caught up in their own conversation he used the opportunity to speak to her. "Thank you," he whispered quickly brushing the outside of her leg with his hand. Michaela felt the familiar tingles at his touch and smiled.

"What are you thanking me for?" she asked as a mischievous smile played around her lips.

"For the pictures, of course. What else would I be thanking you for?" he teased.

"I hope you don't mind. I wasn't sure how you would feel about seeing your art work hung up."

"If ya'd asked me, I wouldn't have agreed to it so it's probably best ya just went ahead and did it. I like it a lot. The picture over the bed- well…" Sully went strangely quiet unsure how to convey what he felt.

"It's ours," Michaela whispered. "Looking at it, I can hear the crickets chirping and feel the gentle warm breeze on my face. I can see the moon reflecting off the water and I remember."

"Me too," said Sully worrying suddenly that their conversation was being observed. He looked around quickly, wondering why Elizabeth hadn't returned.

At that same moment, Elizabeth's voice was heard from the foyer. "Marjorie Quinn, get upstairs to your room this instant. We will talk about this later!" Michaela and Sully exchanged glances as Josef went to the doorway to see what was happening. Hushed angry whispers were exchanged between Josef and Elizabeth before they returned to the drawing room. Elizabeth's face was flushed and anger was clearly visible in her eyes. Josef looked subdued but tried to draw everyone's attention away from the disturbance by asking Sully to fetch his sketch book to show everyone.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

"Sully, can you believe it? Only two more weeks and this will be our house," Abigail said a wide smile on her face. Sully looked over at her and laughed as she turned circles in front of the stove.

"I'm glad to see ya so happy," Sully returned as he continued setting up the bed.

"I am happy, Sully. And you're the one who makes me happy," she explained kneeling down beside him on the floor. "I know you've been worried about me but really I feel much better now."

"Good," Sully replied.

Abigail returned to the crates she was unpacking. The next crate was Sully's and she opened it curious to see what it might hold. He didn't have many belongings and the few he did have seemed always to have a story behind them. Right on top was a rolled up piece of drawing paper that had yellowed with age. Carefully, she unrolled it smiling at what she saw.

"Sully, this is beautiful. Where did you get it?" she asked holding it up so that he could see the picture.

Sully drew a sharp breath and tried to keep his face neutral as he took in the faded picture. The river and moon stared out at him, once again mocking him.

"I don't know," he lied. "That stuffs from Boston. Ya don't have to unpack it. Ain't much in there I probably want."

"But I like looking through your stuff. It's like I get to learn all about ya," replied Abigail her eyes twinkling. "Can we get this picture framed and hang it in our house? I think this river looks really pretty with the moon shining down on it."

Sully was suddenly angry. "No!" he shouted at her. "Stop going through my stuff!" Abigail backed away slowly, hurt showing on her face. Sully felt horrible for yelling but he knew that in that box were just more painful memories. He rose and went to her. "I'm sorry, Abby. It's just I don't wanna remember Boston and that whole box is Boston stuff."

"It's okay," Abigail said reassuringly. "I don't wanna remind you of bad things.'

"Thanks," Sully said reaching over to lightly squeeze her arm before returning to work. Abigail put the lid back on the crate and set it carefully to the side. There must be something in there that Sully didn't want her to see. The curiosity was building in her and she knew that later when Sully left, she would have to go through the crate.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 5, 1846**

It wasn't until most of the guests had left that Michaela and Sully found out what the commotion with Marjorie was all about. After dinner and an extended birthday celebration, everyone had left except for Rebecca and John. Josef was entertaining the children in the drawing room with John while Rebecca and Elizabeth headed off to the morning room to talk. Michaela and Sully were supposed to be doing homework in Josef's library but they found that if they sat right inside the library door and left it open they could hear Rebecca and Elizabeth's conversation. Both balanced books on their lap so that it would look like they were busy while they strained their ears to hear what was being said.

"Your sisters are going to be the death of me," Elizabeth sighed frustration evident in her voice.

"Mother, what happened?" Rebecca asked in concern.

"If it's not bad enough I've got to keep a constant eye on Sully and Michaela, now Marjorie has decided to abandon all common sense as well." Michaela and Sully exchanged amused looks.

"What do you mean keep an eye on Sully and Michaela?" Rebecca inquired.

"To be honest, I really think Michaela and Sully have romantic feelings for each other."

Rebecca choked on a laugh. "On Mother, I don't think so."

"That's what your father says as well but I have always considered him rather blind where Michaela is concerned. I suppose your going to tell me I'm just imagining their closeness."

"No, nothing like that. I agree Sully and Michaela are very close but Michaela has her eye on someone else."

"How do you know?"

"When I was here at Thanksgiving we talked for a while. She was telling me about a boy in Maryland that she met this summer. She even wants to send him a Christmas gift." Sully looked at Michaela quizzically, visions of Thomas flashing before his eyes. "Not Thomas! You," Michaela mouthed. Sully suppressed another laugh.

"I must say that makes me feel a little better. She certainly hasn't shown any interest in boys here."

"Whoever he is, I think she's pretty smitten with him," Rebecca added. Michaela blushed furiously as Sully pointed to himself enthusiastically. "What has Marjorie done?" Rebecca continued.

"It's been a constant struggle to keep her under control. All she thinks about is boys and courting."

"She only has a few months before her coming out," Rebecca reasoned.

"I know but she acts like it's years. This afternoon, her caller was a young gentleman who she promptly showed to the library. When I found them, their behavior was less than appropriate." Rebecca let out a little gasp. "I know,' said Elizabeth. "I guess I got spoiled with you and Claudette. You both were always so proper. Maureen was fairly well behaved too but I'm telling you if Marjorie doesn't kill me, Michaela will."

Sully was having a hard time controlling his laughter any longer and he reached over to slowly shut the door before rolling on the floor. "Ya gonna kill her, Michaela," he repeated now holding his stomach.

"If she saw us this afternoon, she probably would have keeled over right there," Michaela agreed joining in with Sully's laughter. They both quickly straightened up as the door quickly opened.

"What's so funny?" Josef asked as he joined them.

"Sully's inability to conjugate Latin verbs," replied Michaela a smirk on her face.

"It's hilarious," Sully added.

"Appears so," said Josef. "If you're done, there is something I would like to tell you both that I think you will be excited about." Sully and Michaela readily turned their attention to Josef. "We will be leaving on December twentieth to spend Christmas in Maryland with Anna."

Sully let out a whoop as Michaela rushed to hug her father. Sully wasn't far behind and Josef quickly wrapped his arms around each of them, not even noticing how Sully and Michaela's hands overlapped on his back.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Michaela repeated over and over. Sully smiled at Michaela and lightly circled his thumb on the back of her hand.

"You are welcome, welcome, welcome," said Josef finally releasing the two of them.

"How long are we gonna stay?" asked Sully.

"Well, Your mother and I will return with Marjorie before the New Year but if I can convince your mother, you both may stay until January second." Another round of shouts went up from Sully and Michaela but Josef quickly sobered them. "That is a big if," he warned. Sully and Michaela both shook their heads to indicate that they understood. "Now Michaela, I think Rebecca wanted to see you before she left and I would like a word with Sully so if you would excuse us."

"Sure," Michaela replied glancing over at Sully who had a blank expression on his face. Quickly she stacked her school books and headed out the door, curiosity already building inside of her.

As Michaela pulled the door shut behind her, Josef motioned for Sully to take a seat. Josef propped himself on the edge of the desk simply studying Sully for a moment. Sully felt nervous all of a sudden and he anxiously rubbed his hands against the legs of his pants.

"Sully, I know when you came to us it wasn't under the best of circumstances," began Josef. "But I am so proud of the way you have overcome everything this year. I know we haven't officially adopted you yet but well I want you to know that in my heart you are my son." Sully gulped. His heart swelled with sheer joy at those words but his mind panicked at the same time. "I know that you wanted everyone in the family to be comfortable with your adoption and I appreciate your concern for Marjorie's feelings. I am hoping that in the New Year we might try again," Josef finished. Sully nodded slowly but remained quiet. "Sully?" Josef asked after a moment.

"Sorry, it's just been a big day for me. I've never had all this fuss made over me before."

Josef smiled. "Get used to it. The Quinn's know how to celebrate." He pushed himself off the edge of his desk and went to Sully. "Why don't you go on up to bed, son," he said patting Sully on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I think I will," Sully replied quietly. "Good night," he called over his shoulder as he left the library.

With a heavy heart, he trudged up the stairs. One of the best days of his life was slowly turning against him. The adoption felt like a huge weight pressing on his chest and he wasn't sure he was strong enough to stop it. He walked past Michaela's door noticing her lamp was still on. Every nerve in his body felt raw and he knew the solution lay behind that closed door but he couldn't go to her now. Slowly letting out a deep breath, he continued on to his bedroom and slowly opened the door.

After lighting the lamp, he went to the desk and ran his hands over the wood. Josef had given him this desk. Josef thought of him as his son. Sully couldn't remember his real father- only little snatches of memory here and there. Sometimes he questioned whether they were real memories or something he had dreamed up. He turned to the bed and lightly fingered the damask coverlet. He would have sisters and brother in laws and nephews and nieces. Slowly he raised his head to look at the picture over his bed. The river glared at him and the moon mocked him. He didn't hear the crickets chirping or feel the gentle breeze blowing and his heart suddenly felt empty. There was no denying that he wanted a family. The desire burned inside of him and sometimes felt like it might consume him. Oh but Michaela; she was already part of him. It was like a small seed had been planted in his heart on the day he had met her. Slowly over the last year it had grown into a vine that wrapped around his heart and spread throughout his body. If that vine had to be ripped out, Sully was certain it would be more painful than anything he had ever experienced.

* * *

Michaela lay in bed thinking about the afternoon at the park. Lightly she traced the outline of her lips and sighed contentedly. Marjorie's behavior this afternoon had taken the attention off of her and she was grateful. Marjorie had actually come in quite useful recently. A light giggle escaped her throat as she thought about the conversation between Elizabeth and Rebecca. If Elizabeth truly believed Michaela had fallen for Thomas, maybe she would ease up on her and Sully. The Christmas visit to Anna's might prove useful as well as entertaining.

Yet even in her giddy state, Michaela felt something nagging at her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a quiet uneasiness was waiting to consume her. Her thoughts turned to Sully then and she smiled to herself, remembering how he had 'awakened' her with a kiss. From a distance a sound caught her attention and she sat up in bed quickly straining her ears to hear. It sounded sort of like someone was whispering her name. There it was again- maybe it was Sully. Quickly she went to her door and opened it but found the hallway was deserted. She closed the door and returned to bed but just as she was lying down, she heard it again. Michaela rolled over telling herself it was just her imagination but again her name sounded in her ears and she was positive this time it was Sully's voice.

Rising from bed, she put on her robe and crossed to her door again. She hadn't paid attention to when her parents had gone to bed but the house seemed quiet so she decided to risk it. Slowly so as not to disturb anyone she walked the familiar path to Sully's room. Ever so gently she turned the knob and stepped inside. A small sliver of light from the waxing crescent moon illuminated Sully's empty bed. Michaela looked around and spotted Sully sitting on the floor in front of his window. In front of him, was the picture of the river and moon.

"Sully?" Michaela whispered and he jumped. "I'm sorry," Michaela said going to his side.

"No, I…. I didn't hear ya come in," Sully whispered. The moonlight sparkled on his cheeks revealing to Michaela the tears that had been falling only moments before.

"Sully, what's wrong?" she asked getting down on her knees. Sully exhaled loudly and Michaela felt her chest constrict. "Please tell me," she gently said.

"It's not over, Michaela," he whispered. "Josef still wants to adopt me. He seems to think Marjorie is coming around." His voice broke as he whispered this last sentence and he turned his head so that Michaela wouldn't see the tears that slipped down once again. Michaela felt her heart breaking because of his sadness. She wasn't sure if he was crying because he didn't' want to be adopted or because he did. Turning around she maneuvered herself to sit beside him, turning her body to face him.

Fearing his answer, she screwed up her courage and asked the question that weighed on her mind. "Sully do you want to be adopted?" The question was met with silence. "Please tell me, Sully. I won't be upset."

"I want a family, Michaela. I really do." Michaela felt as if a band was being tightened around her heart. Sully slid over against Michaela now, his head resting just below her chin. "I'm a boy. I'm supposed to have a father and a mother and sisters," his voice caught in his throat. "And sometimes I do feel like Josef's my father. But Elizabeth don't really want me as her son and I doubt any of your sisters 'sides Rebecca would want me as a brother." Michaela brought her arm around him and lightly stroked his arm. Sully shivered feeling Michaela's light caresses. "The only time I ever really feel like I can be completely myself is with you. Michaela the only family I want is you." He broke down again at this point and though Michaela shared his sadness, his words also brought joy to her. How could one day be so bittersweet?

"Sully," she whispered as he calmed. "Don't be sad. I don't want you to be sad. We will think of something. We are going to Anna's- she'll help us Sully. I know she will." Sully didn't respond to her; he didn't need to. They both silently understood that all the words had been said. Sully drew comfort just from her presence and knew that together they would fight what was being thrust upon them. They sat just holding onto each other until the moon went behind a cloud and Michaela shivered from the cool night air.

"Ya better get back to bed," Sully whispered as he rose to his feet. Michaela stood too and reached for the picture. She preceded Sully to the bed and hung it back on the wall. Then she pulled the coverlet down and moved aside so that Sully could climb in. As if he were a small child, she covered him after he lay down.

"Sully, were you calling my name earlier, before I came in?" she asked.

"No," Sully returned. "Why?"

"No reason," Michaela whispered as she leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Dream, sweet dreams," she breathed before returning to her own room.

_

* * *

This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading. If anybody wants to see a timeline of the future scenes we have seen so far there is one available at www. elizaslife. com/ 1849.htm Don't worry about keeping up with all the future scenes, you will see them all again in their right place._


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- three**

**Baltimore, Maryland – December 20, 1846**

The wind whipped the bay into little whitecaps that crashed against the pilings spraying salt water into the air. Michaela pressed her nose against the window of the carriage, longing to be standing on the pier letting the spray hit her face and the wind blow in her hair. The trip from Boston had been long and emotionally draining as she constantly had to listen to Marjorie's complaining. Close quarters had meant her and Sully were under constant scrutiny with each conversation overheard by everyone in the compartment. For Michaela this meant she had kept her nose stuck in a book for most of the journey. She had only brought three books with her and she was already through two and had started on the third.

"How long are we going to have to wait?" Marjorie whined from the other side of the carriage. Michaela sighed as she turned back around.

"Marjorie, I already explained to you that our train was early," Josef said, his voice tense as his nerves were on edge.

"Bet John's havin' a hard time bringin' the sailboat up the bay. Wind's blowin' against him; he's gonna have to tack the whole way," Sully remarked to no one in particular.

Josef reached over and clasped him on the shoulder. "Mother said you had really taken to sailing. I see she was right."

"Does that mean it's going to take us forever to get to this God forsaken house?" Marjorie huffed.

"Nah," Sully answered. "Actually means the wind will be just right on the way back. We should make good time." Michaela smiled at Sully. He returned her smile and as their eyes met, she saw the same longing that was in her own heart. The water was calling to them but neither one could answer.

"I still can't believe we are going by boat in the first place," began Elizabeth. "Josef you should have looked into us taking a stagecoach or hiring a carriage. Who goes sailing in this weather?"

"Do you know how long traveling that way would take? Cambridge is a short jot across the bay. If we went by carriage we would have to go up and around. We would be traveling forever. Trust me, going by boat is best." Josef patted her gently on the knee.

"That remains to be seen," Elizabeth replied brushing away Josef's hand. It was now Josef's turn to sigh as he rolled his eyes. When he realized Michaela was watching him, they both pressed their lips together to suppress their laughter. Michaela turned back to the window which had now fogged up. Her gloved hand wiped away the moisture but her view of the harbor was now blocked by another carriage.

"I can't see," she said turning to Josef. "What if John's here? Shouldn't someone go check?"

Josef consulted his pocket watch. "Yes, it would be a good idea for someone to check." Michaela started to get up. "But I think I better go Michaela." Elizabeth gave an approving nod as Michaela turned away disappointed. As the door of the carriage opened she could smell the salt water and her heart leapt within her.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't have spent Christmas in Boston," Marjorie began again.

"Don't worry, Marjorie they have mistletoe in Maryland." Michaela couldn't resist teasing her boy crazed sister.

"Michaela Anne Quinn," Elizabeth scolded. "Apologize to your sister now."

"Sorry," Michaela responded, not really meaning it. Sully had his hand over his mouth and his eyes closed. Michaela knew he was doing his best not to laugh. She wanted him to laugh even though it would draw Elizabeth's ire. Intentionally she stared over at him so that the moment he opened his eyes, he would see her and hopefully lose control. Unfortunately the moment was ruined by the opening of the carriage door.

Michaela turned and there stood John with her father. She literally jumped out of the carriage throwing her arms around John's neck. "Merry Christmas," she exclaimed as she let go and began to hop from one foot to the other on the cobblestone. She heard Elizabeth give a disapproving grunt from inside the carriage but nothing could dispel the sudden joy she felt.

Sully wasn't far behind Michaela in descending from the carriage. As soon as Michaela, had let go of John Sully stuck out his hand but John went for a hug instead. "Good to see ya, John," Sully said a smile spreading over his face.

"Oh Miss Michaela and Sully, ya two done growed up since I saw ya last. Miss Michaela lookin' all fancy and Sully ya must be near a foot taller," John said as he moved to the back of the carriage to start unloading the luggage.

Elizabeth meanwhile alighted from the carriage with Marjorie trailing behind. Michaela felt a hand on her arm and she turned coming nose to nose with her mother. In hushed tones, Elizabeth warned her. "Mind your manners Michaela. You are a young lady and you will conduct yourself as such. Just because we have left Boston does not mean we have left behind propriety and common sense." Michaela instinctively began to pull away but Elizabeth tightened her grasp. "I am warning you," she added before finally letting go.

Unnoticed by anyone, Anna had made her way to the carriage and stood listening to Elizabeth's exchange with Michaela. "Elizabeth, how nice to see you," Anna said putting on her best smile while seething with anger at what she had just heard.

"Why, Anna, I didn't even know you had come. It really wasn't necessary," Elizabeth said, her tone sickening sweet. She leaned over and placed her cheek next to Anna's while lightly patting her on the back. Anna didn't move to return the hug but simply stood still until Elizabeth had moved away.

Anna quickly turned now, a wide grin spreading over her face as she gathered Michaela and Sully into her arms. She kissed them both soundly on the cheek before speaking. "Merry Christmas. I'm so glad you all are here," she said. After greeting them, she hugged Josef and Michaela noticed that her eyes filled with tears as she held her son in her arms. "Thank you, Josef," she whispered.

"Your welcome, mama," he said. Michaela was startled by her father's use of that familiar term. Never had she heard her father use that word before and it strangely warmed her heart.

Next, Anna greeted Marjorie with a warm hug. Marjorie stiffly returned it. "Well, my dear," said Anna, "I missed you during my short visit to Boston this summer but I can say you have grown into a lovely young lady."

"Thank you, grandmother," Marjorie replied in a stilted voice. Michaela and Sully giggled at Marjorie's use of the word grandmother knowing how Anna abhorred it. Anna raised her eyebrows at them and her eyes twinkled with merriment.

"Yes, well, if the gentlemen have the luggage, we should be off. The wind is perfect right now to make it home in record time that is if Sully is willing to assist John," Anna said turning towards Sully. Eagerly Sully shook his head. "Good, then, let's go." Confidently she strode towards the harbor, leading the way for the rest to follow.

Once at the boat, the men stowed the luggage and then John helped the ladies aboard, all except for Michaela who waved his hand away hopping over the edge of the boat like she had a million times that past summer. Josef helped settle the ladies below deck while Sully and John readied the boat to depart. Michaela knew she was also expected to go down into the cabin but her heart longed to stand on the bow and feel the wind whip through her hair. Hesitantly she stood by the hatch watching as the others descended the stairs to the cabin below. As Anna disappeared from view, Josef's face appeared in the opening.

"Are you coming down Michaela?" he asked giving her the choice.

Michaela smiled at him. "I'd like to stay up here, if it's okay," she honestly answered.

"If that's what you want," Josef shrugged but his face showed no signs of disapproval. Michaela nodded and went to sit on the bow, ignoring the fact that she was wearing a good dress and her mother would be horrified if she knew. She drew her traveling cloak more firmly around her to keep out the cold but she removed the impractical hat from her head and took the pins out of her hair.

Expertly, Sully and John maneuvered the boat out of the harbor and into the open bay. In no time, they were clipping along at a fantastic speed. The cold wind stung her cheeks and caused her eyes to water, but Michaela didn't care. The wind whipped her hair around and she shook her head enjoying the feel of freedom. She closed her eyes, imagining she heard the call of gulls and could feel the warm sun beating down upon her face.

Sully kneeled beside her taking hold of her arm. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked.

Michaela let out a sigh of contentment. "Dreaming," she said peeking at him form underneath her eyelids. "Whatcha doin'?" she said in imitation of him.

"Wonderin' what Elizabeth is gonna say about your hair," he laughed.

John's voice suddenly called for Sully and he gave her a quick smile before heading back to release some of the tension on the boom. Michaela didn't open her eyes again until she felt the boat change directions. They were now in the Choptank and soon they would be at Anna's. Even as they changed directions, the wind spurred them on and it seemed only moments before they were docking.

Once the boat was secured to the pier, Sully opened the hatch to the cabin. Slowly the other passengers emerged. Both Elizabeth and Marjorie looked ashen and Michaela knew they were probably seasick.

"Michaela your hair," Elizabeth scolded. "It's a mess."

"I packed a brush," Michaela said testily causing Anna to emit a little giggle. In order to diffuse the situation, Anna moved everyone to get off of the boat and to start up toward the house. The group slowly made their way up the lawn, the woman in the front and the men lagging behind as they were carrying all the luggage.

A warm fire awaited them in the morning room and Ida arrived shortly with afternoon tea. As soon as she had served the adults, she set down the tray and rushed to Sully and Michaela. Wrapping them in her arms she said, "It does a heart good to see you two children."

"Ida, we missed you, "said Michaela with Sully nodding in agreement.

"This place ain't been the same since you two left," Ida replied.

"She's right about that," Anna spoke up from the other side of the room. Ida gave each of them a pat on the back, encouraging them to join the others as she headed back towards the kitchen. Anna smiled as Michaela sat on the couch beside her father and Sully sat at Josef's feet. "I don't think either of us realized what it would be like when you two left. It was quiet, too quiet. Some days I swore I heard your laughter on the wind and I would even go to the window and look out just to make sure it was my imagination." Sully and Michaela both smiled. "Ida used to say how empty the table felt. For days after you two left she was still making enough food to feed Sully's appetite." Everyone laughed as Sully turned red. "John sure did miss Sully on the boat. He wanted to take him tonging for oysters in September."

"We missed being here," said Michaela. "For Sully's birthday, I framed some of his pictures of the house and river."

"What a nice idea, Michaela. I would like to see that," Anna replied. Michaela and Sully shared a secret smile knowing that their Christmas present to Anna was another of Sully's pictures.

"Anna, if you don't mind I really think I need to lie down for a while. My stomach still hasn't calmed down from the boat ride and the train trip was quite exhausting," Elizabeth interrupted.

"Of course. You probably all want to rest before dinner or at least freshen up. I'm sure John has already placed your luggage upstairs in your rooms. Come on and I will show everyone up." Slowly, each member of the party headed out the door following Anna up the stairs. "Sully and Michaela have the same rooms as this summer," she said as they approached a door Michaela knew all too well. Quickly Michaela opened the door and ran inside pouncing on the bed like a small child. Sully ran through her room to the adjoining door thinking nothing of it. The rest of the family stepped in momentarily to have a look.

"The rooms are connected?" Elizabeth asked an incredulous expression on her face.

"They are," Anna informed her nonchalantly. "This used to be the nursery and that was the room for the nurse." Anna indicated the room Sully had just entered.

"Good God woman, what is the matter with you?" Elizabeth exclaimed turning towards Anna. The train and boat ride had worn off Elizabeth's polite veneer and she let Anna have the full brunt of her fury. "I don't believe you would let Sully and Michaela have adjoining rooms!"

"Now, Elizabeth," Josef began taking her by the shoulder.

"Don't now Elizabeth me," she said snatching her shoulder away from Josef's grip. "You're lucky your daughter's not pregnant." Sully appeared in the doorway, just as the words escaped Elizabeth's mouth. Michaela blushed furiously as she understood the insinuation. The room was deadly silent. Josef was seething. He knew Elizabeth would never have made that statement in front of others if she had not been sick and tired but right now that did not matter. He started to say something but Anna beat him to it.

"Elizabeth, I suggest you go rest before you say something else you are going to regret," Anna said turning to look Elizabeth directly in the eye.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to respond to the older woman's challenge but Josef took her arm and began dragging her to the door. "Elizabeth, come on, you need to rest," he encouraged until Elizabeth finally gave in and followed him out of the room.

"You are staying in your grandfather's old room," Anna called after Josef. She shook her head. "Well, we have certainly had an interesting start to this visit. Marjorie if you'll come with me, I'll show you to your room," Anna said rather matter of fact.

Michaela watched from the bed as Anna and Marjorie exited. She was too embarrassed to look up at Sully. What her mother had said about her just moments before was still resounding in her ears. Pregnant. Sully sensed that Michaela was uncomfortable but wasn't sure what to do about it.

"Do ya want me to leave?" he asked tentatively.

"No," Michaela said in a very small voice not sure if she really meant it. Sully exhaled loudly and Michaela looked up at him. His brow was wrinkled and his nose was twitching slightly. It made Michaela smile and she momentarily forgot her embarrassment. She rose and went over to Sully lightly pushing him back into his room. Quickly she closed the door.

"We need to discuss strategy, Sully," she said.

"Strategy for what?" Sully asked giving her a confused look.

"A strategy for how we are going to manage to stay here until after the New Year," she rapidly explained knowing their time alone was limited.

"Oh," Sully said.

"I think the solution is Thomas," Michaela said.

"Thomas!" Sully exclaimed, his fists suddenly clenching at his sides.

"Whoa, there!" Michaela replied letting out a small giggle. "I know you don't like him but he might just come in handy. Mother thinks I like some boy in Maryland, thanks to Rebecca. If she thinks I like Thomas maybe she'll let me stay so I can see him."

"That doesn't mean they are going to let me stay," replied Sully as visions of Michaela and Thomas began to flash in his head.

"Don't be silly – of course they are going to let you stay. Mother won't have anything to be worried about. She'll think I'm smitten with Thomas and maybe for once we will be out from under the evil eye." Michaela said this last part dramatically indicating Sully as part of the we.

"I don't know Michaela," Sully began but Michaela cut him off.

"Oh, you don't like the plan because Thomas is in it," Michaela said frustration evident in her voice. Sully gave a little huff and turned his back toward her.

Michaela walked over to him and placed her arms around his torso, pinning his arms to his sides. She rested her chin on his shoulder as she spoke. "I'd only be pretending. Besides I'm doing it to spend some time with you. I don't' like Thomas like that," she whispered as her hands began to gently move over his stomach and then up over his chest gently massaging him.

Sully gulped as he realized his body was beginning to react to Michaela's movements. His face turned deep red. He needed to get rid of Michaela before she noticed. "Okay," Sully returned. "I trust you," he added. Michaela stopped moving her hands and placed a soft kiss along his jaw. "Uh, Michaela," Sully stuttered.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I think we better be careful," Sully warned. "Someone might come in."

"Yes, you're right," Michaela agreed dropping her hands and walking towards the door. Sully glanced back over his shoulder at her. "Aren't you coming?" she asked.

"In a minute, I need to change my clothes," Sully explained. Michaela smiled and closed the door as she slipped into her room.

"That was close," thought Sully. Within the past week, his body had reacted like this twice but thankfully he had been alone in bed the other times. Josef had told him that it was something that boys dealt with as they grew older but Sully worried about Michaela's reaction if she was around when it happened. Sully had noticed the deep blush that had crept across her face with Elizabeth's earlier statement. Never would he want to scare Michaela or make her feel uncomfortable. He lay down on the bed and focused on clearing his mind so that maybe his body would follow suit.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – September 1852**

Sully stepped off the sailboat and started across the yard, his heart beating hard within him. Emotions swirled around inside his chest, threatening to choke him at any minute. There was the excitement of seeing Michaela again. It had been overthree years since he had last stood on this very lawn with her. Would things have changed since he had left? Would she still feel the same? He grew nervous at the thought.

Yet there was another reason to be nervous. Somewhere inside of the house that now rose before him was Josef. It had been three years since he had last seen him. He knew from Michaela that Josef had been angry when he had made the decision to go west. In his heart, Sully truly loved Josef and thought of him as his father but he felt tremendous anxiety building inside of him. There was no telling how Josef would react to his presence.

A sense of dread had fallen upon him ever since he had received Michaela's telegram. He had read it so many times on his journey east that he had it memorized. _Sully. Urgent. please come. Anna is sick. Michaela._ Without giving it a second thought, he had taken the money he had been saving and bought a ticket on the first train out of Colorado. And now here he was.

As he ascended the front lawn, he noticed two people off to the side by the big oak that stood in the front of the house. There stood Michaela with a man's arm around her. Sully's heart panicked as he turned to head towards them. As he came closer, he realized the man was Thomas. He felt anger building in him but also a sense of betrayal. Why was Thomas here comforting Michaela? And why was she letting him?

At that same moment, Michaela spotted Sully. Quickly pushing Thomas aside like a rag doll, she ran the short distance that now separated them and threw herself into Sully's arms holding on for dear life.

"Oh, Sully, you came," she said her voice hoarse from crying. "Thank you so much."

"Of course I came, Michaela. Nothing could keep me away."

"I know. I was just worried…" she drifted off. "That doesn't matter- you're here- that's all that matters." She buried her head against his neck and he felt her lips begin to plant light kisses there.

"Michaela," he tried to get her attention gently pushing her away from him.

"I'm sorry, Sully. I just missed you so much. And then Anna got sick and I needed you so much. I can't believe you are really here."

"I missed you too," he said pulling her in close again. "Michaela am I too late?" he whispered fearing her answer.

"No, Sully, you're not," Michaela said. She let go of Sully and took his hand pulling him toward the house. "I think she's holding on just to see you." The words sounded so final to Sully's ears and a small sob escaped his lips as the reality of what was to come settled firmly in his mind.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – December 1846**

By dinner time that evening Elizabeth had come down with one of her famous headaches and decided to stay in bed rather than join the rest of the family for dinner. This had worried Josef but by breakfast the next morning, he managed to establish an uneasy truce between her and Anna. Sully had switched bedrooms with Marjorie as part of the truce, which had made Michaela mad but she quickly got over it as she focused on the task that was in front of her. She knew that if her mother was upset, there was no way her and Sully would get to stay until January second. If only they had parted with Thomas on better terms. Somehow she needed an excuse to go see him and even though Sully wouldn't like it, she needed to go alone. Michaela didn't know that things would work out better than she ever could have imagined.

Before breakfast was even cleared, a knock came to the front door. Outside stood Thomas, slightly nervous at the prospect of seeing Michaela again after they had parted on bad terms. Hopefully he would be able to patch things over with her. He was willing to overlook the fight with Sully. Michaela was worth it. Thomas was very much like his father and when he saw something he wanted, he was determined to get it. Finally, John answered the door and showed Thomas back to the kitchen. His eyes found Michaela and he smiled at her, his eyes hungrily drinking in her beauty.

"Good morning, Mrs. Anna," Thomas began his eyes still on Michaela.

"Good morning, Thomas," Anna returned narrowing her own eyes at him. "Thomas, I'd like you to meet my son Dr. Josef Quinn and his wife Elizabeth."

"Good morning, Dr. Quinn," said Thomas as Josef stood and extended his hand for Thomas to shake. "Mrs. Quinn," Thomas said as he made a slight bow to Elizabeth. "It's nice to meet you both," Thomas replied.

"What brings you over this way, Thomas?" Anna asked.

"I heard that Miss Michaela was visiting and I came to offer her an invitation to our New Year's ball. Well of course the whole family is invited," Thomas said still smiling at Michaela.

"Oh, Thomas," Michaela gushed in her best impression of Marjorie. "That is so sweet of you but we are leaving before New Years." Demurely she batted her eyelashes at him. Sully wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or punch Thomas again. He opted to drop his eyes and grip the side of the table just in case.

Thomas' face dropped in disappointment. "That's too bad. I was really looking forward to you coming."

As if right on cue, Anna suddenly spoke up. "Josef, it would be fine with me if the children wanted to stay over for a few more days."

Josef turned towards his wife. A small smile was on her lips as she studied Michaela through narrowed eyes. "Elizabeth, what do you think? he asked, holding his breath. Michaela turned her head to the side and smiled up at Thomas for effect, sighing under her breath.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt if the children stayed for a few more days," she said still staring at Michaela. "I am sure Marjorie, Michaela and Sully would have a lovely time at your New Year's Ball Thomas."

"Oh, no, I'm not staying here," Marjorie exclaimed from the end of the table.

"I don't really believe you are in a position to be saying what you will or won't do Marjorie," Elizabeth replied.

"But, Mother, I want to go to the Avery's New Year's Party in Boston," Marjorie whined reverting to temper tantrum mode. She even stamped her foot to add to the effect.

"You heard your mother," Josef said, his voice was stern and his face was serious. Marjorie let out an angry breath but her mouth remained closed.

"Good, then it's all settled," said Thomas. "Anna will you join us as well?"

"Reckon, someone better look after them," Anna replied.

"Okay, I'll tell mother to expect four then. Well, I best be going. I just wanted to stop by and invite Mi.. everyone."

"Have a good day Thomas," Michaela called after him. She gave a small wave of her hand as she said it. Then she turned to Elizabeth. "Thank you, Mother, thank you so much," she gushed as if Elizabeth had just granted every wish she had ever had.

"You're welcome," Elizabeth replied giving Michaela a quizzical look. Sully personally thought Michaela was overdoing it but her little performance had gotten them the extra days so he couldn't really complain. "This is really against my better judgment," Elizabeth explained while looking over at Anna. "But it is nice to see you taking an interest in others and I do want to encourage that." Michaela knew what her mother meant to say was "It's nice that you are taking an interest in someone besides Sully." Michaela smiled secretly to herself – one task down and one to go. Now she needed to get Anna alone so she could talk about the adoption problem.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- four**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 25, 1846**

The sky was overcast and dark when Sully awoke on Christmas morning. He ran to the window hoping it had snowed during the night. To his disappointment, the ground was bare except for the occasional mud puddle.

"Looking for snow?" Josef asked as he stood in the doorway.

"Yeah," Sully said turning around.

"It rarely snows here this early in the winter," Josef added before coming to Sully and wrapping his arms around him. "Merry Christmas," he said giving Sully a brief squeeze before letting him go.

"Merry Christmas," Sully returned a wide smile spreading across his face. "Is everyone else already up?" Sully asked, wondering why Josef had come to his room.

"Not everyone. John and Ida are downstairs but all the girls are still asleep. I was just making my rounds." Josef chuckled slightly as this last word left his mouth. "Guess you can take the doctor out of the hospital but you can't take the hospital out of the doctor."

Sully smiled and shook his head. "Guess not," he said.

"Sully, I wanted to talk to you," Josef said his face becoming serious.

Sully felt his stomach tighten. "Okay," he said as he took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"We haven't had an opportunity to speak about what Elizabeth said the other day," Josef stopped abruptly and took a large breath. "When she made the comment about," Josef hesitated feeling his cheeks warm at the thought.

"Michaela gettin' pregnant," Sully said when he realized Josef's own embarrassment.

"Yes," Josef confirmed. "She was out of line Sully. That never should have been said especially in front of others. I know this is going to sound preposterous but she thinks you and Mike are… well… that you and Mike might have romantic feelings for each other." Sully rubbed his lips together and dropped his eyes to the ground, unwilling to look at Josef for fear his eyes might betray him. "Of course I don't think that," Josef quickly amended. "I know you would never do anything to disrespect me or Michaela and I am sorry that Elizabeth insinuated that you would." Sully continued to remain silent staring at the floor as guilt began to gnaw at his conscious. "Are you alright Sully?" Josef asked afraid of how quiet Sully had become.

"Fine," Sully muttered suppressing the desire to tell Josef how he really felt about Michaela. Yet it continued to well up inside of him. He gripped the bed in his hands and opened his mouth to speak. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue and for a moment, Sully was afraid he would not be able to stop them even if he tried. What would Josef think if he told him about his feelings? Would he be angry? Would he suddenly not want Sully to be around Michaela? Fear gripped him and he clamped his mouth shut as a dryness settled in his throat.

Josef had noticed Sully's reaction but decided he had simply made Sully uncomfortable and so he brought up a new topic to try and relieve some of the tension. "What do you know about this Thomas?" Josef asked.

Sully felt his body slowly relax as it seemed the moment of truth had passed him by. "Not much. He's sixteen. His father owns a big plantation down the river. They got slaves."

Josef furrowed his brow as he studied Sully. "They own slaves?"

"Yeah," Sully said.

Josef continued to look slightly troubled but mentioned nothing more about it. Instead he returned to Thomas. "Do you think Thomas is trustworthy?"

Without thinking Sully spoke, "Ya' mean with Michaela?" Josef nodded. "Not really. I don't particularly like him. I kinda got into a fight with him this past summer."

"I see," Josef said. "Sully I want to ask you to keep an eye on Michaela where this Thomas fellow is concerned. She is very naïve about some things I am afraid. In many ways, she is very intelligent but she lacks experience where boys are concerned. And well I guess my fear is that she will get herself into a situation she can't handle. I know she thinks she can handle anything." Josef chuckled again and Sully nodded as his own heart beat faster and faster. "Girls are different from boys," Josef continued. "When a girl likes a boy sometimes she might feel like she has to go along with what the boy wants her to do. Or maybe they both get caught up in the moment. Holding hands and kissing can seem so innocent but if a boy continues to push, well you know where that can lead. Sully, gentleman should protect a lady's honor at all costs and that means more than just protecting her from others. Sometimes, it means protecting her from himself." Sully's chest tightened – did Michaela need to be protected from him? "I would hope this Thomas would be enough of a gentleman to do that but in case he isn't I would like you to be my eyes and ears. Will you watch over Michaela for me?"

Sully swallowed hard thinking about his own behavior with Michaela. Things had always seemed very black and white to him before. If you feel something you should act on it. He had encouraged Michaela to ignore Boston society propriety because he had viewed it as a bunch of silly people's opinions about what was right and wrong. Maybe though it was more than that. Had he ignored a deeper truth? He sighed audibly. Quietly he spoke knowing that what he was about to promise had implications for his and Michaela's relationship as well. "Of course, Josef, I will always guard Michaela's honor. I promise."

"Thank you," Josef said patting Sully on the back. "You're really a good brother to her." Sully felt his stomach constrict with the use of the word brother and he hoped it hadn't shown on his face. Before Josef even had a chance to notice the strained look on Sully's face a commotion in the hall drew their attention.

Quickly, Josef walked to the door and opened it. Sully was right behind him wondering what the disturbance was. Michaela was picking up pieces of a broken vase, her face bright red. The table that stood beside Sully's bedroom door had been knocked over.

"Mike?" Josef asked.

"I was… I was coming to see if Sully was awake and I tripped over the table leg," she explained. Sully met her eyes and knew she was lying. He suppressed a giggle as he thought about Michaela pressed up against his door trying to listen to the conversation that was going on inside.

"Are you okay?"Josef asked looking at her foot for any signs of injury.

"I'm fine," Michaela said hastily brushing his hand away.

"Okay," Josef said wondering why his daughter had blushed so fiercely. "Let's get this cleaned up so we can head on downstairs and start this Christmas off right."

* * *

Christmas morning passed like a dream to Michaela. They had started off with a large breakfast consisting of plenty of Ida's wonderful food. After breakfast, they had retired to the morning room where the Christmas tree had been set up and decorated the day before. Presents were exchanged eagerly as little shouts of delight went up from all over the room. Anna had cried when she opened the picture from Michaela and Sully. The picture was a watercolor of the large oak in the front yard with the house in the background. Anna had told Sully and Michaela that past summer how she used to love to sit in that tree as a young girl. When Michaela had looked through Sully's artwork she had known this was the perfect gift for her. Anna simply loved it. After opening presents, they had sung Christmas carols until their voices were hoarse. Then Ida had left to start Christmas dinner. Anna, Elizabeth and Josef sat in the chairs near the fire talking quietly about past Christmas'. Marjorie was eagerly writing in a new journal she had received for Christmas while Sully and Michaela looked at one of Sully's new books.

In hushed tones, Michaela questioned Sully about her father's early morning visit. "What was he talking to you about?"

"Don't ya know," Sully teased. "I'm sure your ear was pressed to the door."

"I was merely curious," Michaela defended, blushing at her morning escapades.

Sully smiled and turned another page in the book. "Look at this one Michaela," Sully said feigning interest in the sketch of wigwams on the next page.

"Sully, are you going to tell me?"

"Tell ya what?" he teased.

"What father was talking to you about?" she said her voice full of frustration at Sully's hesitance.

"He was apologizing for your mother's comment the other day," Sully said flipping the page again.

"That's it?" Sully shrugged his shoulders. "That's all you talked about?"

"Michaela, obviously ya heard part of the conversation, what do ya want to know?"

Michaela pressed her lips together and crinkled her nose while nervously bouncing her foot back and forth. "What was he telling you about me?"

"He wants me to keep an eye on you and Thomas,' Sully admitted.

"He doesn't like Thomas?"

"He doesn't trust Thomas and well…"

"What?"

"He thinks you're kind of naïve." Sully knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as the words left his mouth. He looked at Michaela whose eyes flashed with fire.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked her voice becoming louder.

"Don't get mad at me. I didn't say it," Sully defended.

"Did you defend me?" Michaela asked.

"Defend ya against what?'

"Against my father thinking I'm some sort of fool," Michaela fired back.

"He doesn't think you're a fool," Sully responded. "He thinks ya don't know that much about boys and he's worried about ya lettin' a boy take advantage of ya."

"Great so he doesn't think I'm a fool. He just thinks I'd let a boy do anything he wants to me. Is that what you think Sully?"

"Of course not," Sully responded a little louder than he intended. Elizabeth had become aware of their heated exchanges a few moments ago and had begun watching them.

"Michaela and Sully, is something wrong?" she called.

Michaela glared at Sully. "Nothing's wrong mother," she replied hastily.

Elizabeth got up and walked the length of the room. "If nothing's wrong, why are you two practically yelling at each other?"

"We are not yelling, we are having a heated discussion," Michaela replied suddenly feeling angry with everyone in the room.

"Sully?" Elizabeth asked deciding to change tactics.

But before Elizabeth could say another word, Anna spoke up. "Elizabeth, obviously they don't want to tell you, just leave it alone."

"Thank you but I really don't need any parenting advice from you," Elizabeth fired back not even bothering to look at Anna.

"No because you are doing such a great job," Anna said sarcastically.

"Mother! Elizabeth!" Josef called their names, warning them not to fight in front of everyone.

Elizabeth paid Josef no mind. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Anna said catching Josef's eye. She knew this wasn't the right time to get into a fight with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was not willing to let it go though. She had taken four days of her mother-in-laws sarcastic remarks and side comments and she wasn't going to take it anymore. "Tell me what you meant by that!" Elizabeth yelled walking back to stand in front of Anna.

Anna rose from her chair and felt the rage building inside of her. Though she knew she should hold her tongue, it was becoming impossible.

"Let it be, Elizabeth," cautioned Josef.

"No, I will not let it be! Obviously Anna feels the need to critique my parenting and I want to hear it!"

"Fine!" Anna yelled. "You want to know what I think, I'll tell you. I think you are the most pompous arrogant windbag I've ever met! Standing up with all the rest of Boston society, looking down your noses at anyone who dares to be different, who dares to have their own thoughts or dreams."

"I think living here by yourself has addled your brain!" Elizabeth retorted. "Why else would you let two adolescents share adjoining rooms all summer long?"

"Touché Elizabeth," replied Anna, her voice calm but a fury burned in her eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What kind of mother doesn't tell their teenage daughter about becoming a woman?" Anna's voice was gaining volume now, the calmness departing as the rage took over. "She was scared Elizabeth. She had no clue what was happening to her. And I hold you completely responsible for that. The only person here whose brain is addled is you."

"How dare you speak to me like that," Elizabeth returned. "As I recall you turned your back on all of us a long time ago when you decided to hole up down here like some kind of a hermit." Elizabeth felt years of anger and frustration at Anna come pouring out of her.

"Ladies," Josef again tried to interrupt knowing that things were only going to get worse.

"Why do you think I left Boston Elizabeth? I watched what you were doing to Rebecca when she was just a little girl. I refused to stand by and watch it anymore. You are right – I was selfish! I left because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take Boston and all the rules and I couldn't stand by and watch you ruin your children's lives. You've managed to stifle everyone of your daughter's turning them into miniatures of yourself. But don't you think that I haven't regretted the decision to stay away everyday of my life," Anna stopped now taking a deep breath to calm herself. "Who in their right mind would bow to the whims of Boston society and expect everyone in their family to do the same? I can't believe anyone would want their daughters to be part of that mindless drivel."

Michaela watched as her mother's nostrils flared and her hands clenched and unclenched. She had never seen her mother so angry before. Taking a deep breath, she began to speak, her voice unusually calm. "I refuse to stand here and listen to anymore of this," she announced and then quickly turned and left the room, her footsteps resounding throughout the house until they heard the bedroom door slam.

* * *

The rest of Christmas day was rather somber. Elizabeth refused to leave her bedroom no matter how much Josef cajoled her. Though Anna did not retreat upstairs to her room, she was miles away for the rest of the day, speaking only when spoken to by one of the others. Dinner was eaten in virtual silence with only forced conversations taking place. With all the adults preoccupied with the argument, the children were on their own which normally would have suited Sully and Michaela perfectly. The only problem was that both of them were still harboring grudges from the morning's little spat and neither seemed willing to make the first move as far as reconciliation was concerned.

As evening descended, Michaela looked around the morning room where she had taken up residence after dinner to see that Marjorie had left. Sully sat at the far end of the room sketching. Placing her book on the couch, she rose and walked over to where he sat. "Sully?" she asked.

"Hmm."

"Are you still angry with me?"

"I guess not," he replied finally setting his sketch book down and looking up at her.

"Why didn't you defend me this morning to my father?" she asked again.

"Mike, what did you want me to say? Tell him you're not so naïve." Sully paused and then pretended as if he was talking to Josef. "Oh Josef, I don't really think ya need to worry about Michaela after all I've been kissin' on her and she always stops me from going too far."

Michaela looked away from him and sighed. He was right. What could he have done? "I just don't want anyone thinking I can't take care of myself," she admitted still starring at the floor.

"Michaela, he knows you're a strong person. He's worried about ya though. You are his daughter," Sully reasoned. Michaela nodded and moved to sit down beside Sully. "But I do think he has a point."

"What?" Michaela asked.

Sully bounced his leg nervously up and down as he tried to think of how to phrase what he wanted to say. "Ya don't know much about boys,"

"What is there to know?" Michaela asked her tone already becoming defensive again.

"You do things sometimes that might lead to the wrong impression or reaction."

"Like what?"

"Like when ya decided to put on that little show the other day. Now Thomas thinks you're interested in him again."

"Well, I'm not," Michaela retorted.

"I know that but how are ya goin' to act when we get to the party."

"Like I'm not interested!"

"That's what I mean Michaela. That ain't really fair to Thomas."

"But I did this so that we could have a couple of days together without Elizabeth always looking over our shoulder," she said placing her hand over top of his.

"I know and I can appreciate that but," Sully hesitated afraid to upset Michaela again.

It was too late for that though. She snatched her hand away from his and stood up. "Sully you are impossible! You want to be alone with me so I get us time alone and then you complain about it!"

"Michaela keep your voice down. I'm not complaining about it. I just started thinking about things after I talked with your father this morning. And maybe we've been going about this all wrong. I just feel real confused right now."

"And you think I don't. I seem to be doing all the lying and sneaking around. I'm trying to please you Sully."

"Maybe you shouldn't be tryin' to please me," Sully argued.

"But I thought when you felt the way we do about each other you wanted to please the other person. Do you not feel that way about me anymore?"

"Michaela I never said that."

Michaela wasn't listening though. She turned and marched angrily across the room. "Fine Christmas this turned out to be!" she huffed before slamming the door behind her.

Sully beat his fists against the couch in frustration and dropped his head onto the armrest. What else could possibly go wrong today?

* * *

Josef had been sitting on the porch ever since dinner feeling sorry for himself. He had envisioned such a nice Christmas with his family here in Maryland. He had known there would be tension between his mother and Elizabeth but he never dreamed they would fight like they had today especially in front of the children. In his heart, he knew they were really the ones who were suffering and though he wanted to go in and make it up to them, he didn't. The temperature was cold and he knew he wouldn't be able to stay out much longer but he wasn't ready to face any of them yet. He stirred as he heard the front door open. Anna was coming towards him with two cups of coffee in her hands.

"Thought you might want something to warm you up a little," she said handing him the cup.

Josef smiled up at her. "Thanks." Anna sat down beside him on the swing. "Mother, is it good for you to be out in the cold like this?" Josef asked.

"Don't worry about me. I may be old but I'm still strong," she laughed.

"You forgot feisty and stubborn," Josef added.

Anna laughed but then became serious. "I'm sorry, Josef. I never meant for things to turn out like they did today. I should have held my tongue."

"Yes, you should have but Elizabeth should have held her tongue too. And I should have tried harder to stop you two. I don't know what came over me. It was like my head was saying get the children out of here but I was unable to move." Josef shook his head and dropped it against the back of the swing.

"What are we going to do Josef?" Anna asked.

"I don't know, Mama. I am trying to think of something but so far I haven't come up with a plan."

"I think Michaela and Sully are fighting too from what I just heard," Anna added.

"Now that I don't understand. They always get along so well."

"Really?" Anna asked cocking her head to one side. "They don't have little spats all the time?"

"Well sometimes I guess but in general they are really close. It amazes me how much they are like brother and sister."

"Brother and sister?" Anna asked. She had suspected that Josef didn't see the burgeoning relationship between the two but this was the first time it had actually been confirmed.

"Yes and I'd like to adopt him," Josef sighed.

"What does Sully think about that?" Anna asked.

"I assume he wants it. I think it is a touchy subject though. Whenever I bring it up, he goes all quiet."

"Have you asked him how he feels about it?"

Josef thought for a moment before replying. "No, I suppose I haven't."

"You should never just assume what people want Josef and children are people too." Anna smiled at Josef and placed her hand on his knee. "Sometimes what we want blinds us to everything else."

"Are you saying that Sully doesn't want to be adopted?" Josef asked feeling as if Anna was holding something back.

"I'm saying that you should ask Sully if he wants to be adopted." Josef smiled, knowing he would get no more information out of Anna. "But Josef, when you ask you need to be prepared to hear the truth."

"Mother, you do realize you're worrying me now."

"I'm not trying to worry you. I just know that you can have a very one track mind, much like your father. That isn't necessarily bad but sometimes we need to open our eyes and really see things as they are instead of trying to make everything fit inside of the box we've created."

"You sound like Elizabeth."

"Hence the reason we probably don't get along." Josef chuckled as he realized the truth of Anna's statement. "So what are we going to do about Elizabeth?"

"I'm going to call a truce tomorrow. I meant everything I said today. Between you and me, I'm not sorry for saying it. I am sorry that my grandchildren had to witness it. But I can't let our animosity for one another keep me apart from you or the children anymore. I'm going to apologize to her and hope to God she accepts. It might be a long shot but I have to try something."

"I'll talk to her too," said Josef. "I can be fairly persuasive when I want to be." He winked his eye at Anna causing her to grin broadly.

"I know, Josef, I know," Anna said gripping her son's hand in hers.

**

* * *

****Boston, Christmas 1854**

Josef smiled as he made his way across the crowd. "Harrison, did I just see Sully arrive?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Do you know where he disappeared to already?"

"I believe Miss Michaela and him are in the library."

"Thanks," Josef responded. It was so nice having Sully home for Christmas. He couldn't wait to hear about his adventures out west and knew Michaela felt the same. He smiled as he approached the library door and gently turned the handle. No lamps were lit but the moon shown bright through the window illuminating the scene before him. Sully's arms were wrapped around Michaela holding her close to him. Michaela's hands were entwined in Sully's hair. He heard a low moan escape Sully's lips. No, it couldn't be. They were kissing and it was not a gentle kiss either. He could sense the passion from all the way across the room. Suddenly, he felt as if he couldn't breath. He needed air.

Stumbling to the front door of the house, he threw it open and plunged into the cold darkness. With no direction in mind, he began to walk down the street. His mind raced back to every moment, every incident, and every time he had suspected. There they were outside chasing each other. There they were holding hands as they walked back from the Common. Michaela's tears at Sully's departure for boarding school. The whispers. The stares. Every incident rushed back to him and fit into the puzzle too perfectly. Elizabeth's voice resounded in his head and then Anna's joined it.

She had known- all those years ago sitting on the front porch Anna had known. She had tried to tell him – to show him how blind he was but he hadn't listened. For nine years, he had continued to believe that Michaela and Sully were brother and sister. Was he that big of a fool? Had they really been in love all that time? No it wasn't possible. There was no way. Would they really have lied to him for nine years? The thought sickened him and he felt anger rising in his chest. This wasn't the dream he had for Mike. Things weren't supposed to work out this way. He cried out into the night to release some of his anger. He wasn't going to allow this. This was one battle he was going to fight and win.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – December 28, 1846**

Michaela didn't know how it happened but somehow her grandmother and mother had made up and the three days after Christmas had been wonderful as if each of the adults was trying to make up for ruining Christmas day. Snow had fallen on Christmas night while they slept and Michaela had woken to a winter paradise. Her father and John had taken them all sledding and had played in the snow with them on the subsequent days. Ida was always baking cookies or making hot chocolate for them to enjoy. Michaela would have thought those days perfect except for the fact that her and Sully were still not speaking to each other. When the day finally came for her parents to leave for Boston, she was actually sad to see them go and hugged them tightly as they boarded the boat for Baltimore.

"Be good," Josef had warned with a twinkle in his eye.

"I will," Michaela replied. "I love you."

"And I love you," Josef replied touching her softly on the nose like he had done when she was younger.

Her mother couldn't resist taking her to the side for last minute advice about the New Year's Ball. Elizabeth had been so excited about Thomas that at one point Michaela thought she might just stay for the ball herself.

"Wear your hair in curls, Michaela. It looks so pretty in curls."

"I will Mother," Michaela agreed.

"And the blue dress. I think you should wear the blue dress. You look very striking in it."

"You already told me that," said Michaela shaking her head.

"Oh, Michaela, I am so excited for you."

"That's fairly obvious." Michaela rolled her eyes but even her daughters biting tone could not ruin Elizabeth's mood. She leaned in and hugged Michaela.

"I hope you have a wonderful time and I want to hear all about it when you return," Elizabeth said as she let go of Michaela.

"Don't worry Mother. I will memorize every detail to report to you." Michaela's tone was patronizing.

Elizabeth just looked at her and shook her head. "Good-bye," she said as Josef pulled her towards the boat.

"Good-bye," Michaela said standing in between Marjorie and Sully as they all three waved to Elizabeth and Josef who were now boarding the boat. Marjorie was the first to head back to the house after complaining again about how they had to stand out in the cold when they could have said good-bye in the nice warm house.

As she left Michaela mumbled, "Wouldn't want your lips to get frostbite." Sully laughed and for a moment it was as if everything was alright between them. Michaela turned towards Sully willing herself to bite the bullet and say the words she knew would make everything okay. Yet words seemed to fail her at that instant. Instead she took a step closer to him and took his hand in her own.

"Michaela I gotta go do something in the house," Sully said as he pulled his hand away from her and ran towards the house as fast as he could. Michaela stared after him as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry Sully," she whispered after him as the first tear fell down her cheek.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – December 29, 1846**

Michaela rolled over in bed and sat up knowing that even though it was too early to be up, she wasn't going to go back to sleep. Her sleeping had been erratic for the past couple of days because every time she lay down all she could think of was the growing distance between her and Sully. Noises drifted up from downstairs and she wondered why Ida was up already. There was not point staying in bed so she donned her robe and headed out the door. The sun had not peaked over the horizon yet and the hallway still lay in shadow but a soft glow came from the kitchen. When Michaela came in, Ida smiled up at her as she fastened her cloak around her neck.

"Ida, where are you going?" Michaela asked.

"To birth a baby," Ida answered as she placed a few more items in the bag she had laid on the table.

"You're going to deliver a baby?" Michaela asked in amazement. "But you're not a doctor."

Ida laughed. "You been livin' in fancy Boston too long. Most babies ain't delivered by no doctor. My grandmother was a midwife and she taught me how to birth babies when I was younger than you."

Excitement rose in Michaela's chest as she contemplated what Ida was telling her. Never would her father have allowed her to witness a birth at her age but the notion that Ida might quickly formed in her mind. Ida had finished packing everything she would need and was just picking up the bag. Michaela knew it was now or never. "Ida," she said tentatively,"could I come with you?"

Ida studied her for a moment. "Ya ever seen a baby birthed before?" she asked.

"No," replied Michaela afraid that she had just ruined her chances of going.

"I don't mind you comin' along but you got to know that it ain't gonna be easy."

Michaela could feel the anticipation rising in her chest as her heart leapt for joy. Ida had said she could go. "Don't worry Ida. Whatever happens I can handle it."

Ida smiled with a knowing look in her eye. "Well, if ya comin' ya better go get dressed and bundle up tight. It's mighty cold out there." Michaela ran off in a hurry and was back within minutes, excitement visible on her face.

The ride to the young woman's house took almost an hour and Michaela felt numb with cold when they finally arrived. The house that greeted them was really no more than a shack and when they had entered Michaela realized it consisted of only one room. Michaela quietly took in the surroundings. The man who had driven them here was nowhere to be seen. The pregnant woman was lying on the bed breathing heavily while another lady wiped her face off with a cloth.

Ida dropped her bag on the lone table in the room and went over to the bed. The woman moved out of the way as Ida approached. "Annie, May," Ida greeted the two woman. "I brought Miss Anna's granddaughter with me. Her father's a doctor. This here is Michaela." Michaela who had not moved from the door simply waved as the two women turned to look at her. "Annie, how ya feelin'?" Ida asked as she sat down on the side of the bed.

"The pains started in the middle of the night but they were real far apart at first. I waited like ya done told me until they got closer before I sent for ya," the young pregnant woman explained.

"They ain't comin' real regular though," May informed Ida.

Ida nodded her head and motioned for Michaela to come closer. "May if ya would go outside and get some fresh water from the well. I'll have Michaela sit with Annie for a bit." The woman grabbed a bucket from beside the door and headed outside. Slowly Michaela moved across the room toward the bed. Just then Annie winced in pain and pressed her hands to her abdomen. "Come on, Michaela," Ida encouraged. "I want ya to talk to her and wipe off her forehead. She needs to be distracted for a little while. I gotta a feelin' this baby is gonna take a long time comin'."

Ida moved now so that Michaela could take her place. Michaela felt nervous at first but as she picked up the cloth and rang it out, a new confidence took hold. Michaela sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at Annie. The face that looked back at her was so young. Annie continued to rub her abdomen and moan in pain but eventually as the pain subsided she smiled at Michaela.

"So ya Miss Anna's granddaughter?" Annie asked.

"Yes," Michaela responded wondering exactly what she could talk to this woman about.

"Where ya live?"

"In Boston."

"What's it like there?"

Michaela smiled as she realized she could do this. Slowly she told her all about Boston: her house, the Common, her school, the hospital where her Father worked and the shops. The conversation continued as Annie asked more questions pausing momentarily as contractions came and went. When Annie seemed to run out of questions, Michaela began to ask her own. Ida was busy about the kitchen doing different things with May's help. The morning passed and soon Michaela heard her stomach rumble with hunger. May relieved her at Annie's side so that she could eat some lunch. But Michaela ate quickly, wanting to return to Annie's side as soon as possible. It was exciting waiting for the baby to come and she was enjoying her conversation with Annie.

As the afternoon wore on, Annie's contractions came closer and closer. She felt less like talking choosing to rest between the contractions. Michaela continued to wipe her face for her and hold her hand when the pain became too much for her to bear.

At some point that afternoon, Ida delivered the good news that Annie's water had finally broken and that she expected things to move quickly now. "This baby gonna come soon," Ida exclaimed wiping her hands on a towel.

The next hour passed slowly as Michaela gently became accustomed to Annie's screams that seemed to get louder with each contraction. When Ida had said that things would move quickly now, Michaela had expected the baby to come any second but as time continued to drag by Michaela wondered how much longer this process was going to take. As if she could read her mind, Ida turned to Michaela and said, "This is her first baby, Michaela. Things gonna take a little while I reckon." Michaela had merely nodded feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that was happening.

Another hour passed and the sun began to descend in the sky. Michaela could tell that Annie was growing tired. She barely had time to rest before another wave of pain gripped her abdomen. "Ida, I can't do this," Annie screamed out between contractions.

"Yes, ya can," Ida reassured her. "It's time to push now. Pretty soon you gonna be holdin' ya little baby and ya gonna forget all about this pain," Ida encouraged her. Michaela wasn't so sure. The whole experience was making Michaela seriously question ever having children.

True to her word, Ida had Annie pushing when the next contraction hit. Again, time seemed to crawl along as Annie pushed with each contraction. Michaela glanced down at Ida and saw that she was growing nervous. Meeting Michaela's eyes she spoke in hushed tones. "Michaela, on this next contraction I want you to lay across Annie's middle and push down."

"What?" Michaela exclaimed.

"The baby ain't comin' like it should. I can see the head though and that means we gotta get the baby out now. Ya lay across her and ya push down hard."

"But what if I hurt her or the baby?"

"Ya won't! Now come on." At that moment Annie screamed out and Michaela threw herself across Annie's midsection bearing down with all her weight. "Harder, Michaela!" Ida screamed. "Push, Annie, Push!"

Michaela increased the pressure she was exerting on Annie's abdomen as Annie grunted loudly, pushing as hard as she could. Ida gasped and Michaela looked down just in time to see the baby slide the rest of the way out. Quickly Ida held the baby upside down and gave him a slap. A loud scream went up from the infant and Michaela felt her whole body relax as she momentarily forgot she was still lying on top of Annie.

"Come here, Michaela," Ida encouraged and before she knew it, Michaela was holding the baby while May helped wash him off. They swaddled him in a blanket and then gave him to Annie to hold. She smiled down at his tiny face as tears began to run down her cheeks.

"You right, Miss Ida. It was all worth it," she said. "Could someone go get Will now so we can name this boy?" May nodded and ran off to find Annie's husband.

* * *

Sully opened the doors of the barn and stepped in out of the biting cold. Rubbing his hands together, he looked around. John was in the corner milking the cow.

"Mornin' Sully," John greeted him.

"Mornin'," Sully replied walking absentmindedly over towards the horse stalls.

"Ya got something on your mind?" John asked.

"No, why?"

"Cause, I know how ya feel about horses and ya gettin' awful close there." Sully looked and realized he was almost face to face with a chestnut mare. Quickly he backed up.

"Yeah, I got somethin' on my mind," Sully admitted.

"Is it about you and Miss Michaela fightin'?" John asked.

"Sort of."

"Are ya gonna tell me or do I have to keep tryin' to guess?"

"Sorry," Sully said smiling briefly. "It's kind of embarrassin' though."

"Ya ain't the first one embarrassin' things done happened to," John reassured him.

"I guess," Sully said. "Me and Michaela we been fighting because her father asked me to keep an eye on her and Thomas."

"I been wonderin' about that," John said. "Sure seemed strange to see Miss Michaela actin' all friendly toward him the other day."

"She only did it so that Elizabeth would let us stay here extra days." John nodded. "I told her that I didn't think she should have done it."

John laughed. "Bet Miss Michaela didn't like that."

"No, she didn't. Her father thinks she is naïve where boys are concerned and I think maybe I agree with him."

"Why?" Josef asked turning his full attention to Sully as he had finished milking the cow.

"Recently, we have been more…well, we been gettin' closer to each other and sometimes I can't seem to control how my body reacts." Sully turned red with embarrassment, dropping his face to the floor. "Sometimes all I have to do is think about a time when we were close." Sully's voice was barely audible now.

"Sully, that's normal. All boys go through that."

"Yeah, Josef told me that but I don't want Michaela to think I expect her to … well you know. Sometimes I think maybe she might do stuff because she thinks it's what I want."

"I see," John said adjusting his hat on his head. "Remember when you and me talked about you bein' patient?" Sully nodded. "Well, don't seem like to me either one of ya bein' real patient right now. Seem like ya both tryin' to act grown." Sully sighed as he knew John had made a good point. "Sully, woman ain't things to own. Some men think they are but they are wrong. Women need to be treasured like a gift. Ya gotta start treatin' Michaela like a gift and that means bein' responsible for things. If ya know that something is gonna make your body react, than don't do it. Sometimes ya ain't gonna be able to help it cause ya just at that age but ain't no sense puttin' yourself in temptation's way."

"That seems so hard sometimes," Sully replied finally raising his eyes to meet John's.

"Yeah, I reckon it is but in the end it's gonna be worth it. In the end, ya gonna have Michaela, isn't she worth it?"

Sully smiled feeling foolish for his earlier statement. "She's definitely worth it."

* * *

By the time Ida and Michaela started back to Anna's it was late and Michaela was tired. She laid her head against Ida as they rode along thinking about the day's events. This had been one of the most exciting days of her life. Many times she had said she wanted to be a doctor but today the reality of what that meant had hit her hard. She would literally hold people's lives in her hand just like Ida had with the baby earlier today. This scared her but also challenged her. The desire to become a doctor burned stronger than it ever had before and her destiny seemed so clear.

"Whatcha thinkin' about Michaela?" Ida asked.

"How wonderful today was," she replied smiling to herself.

"It didn't scare you?" Ida asked.

"Well, yes I was scared but exhilarated too. It was amazing."

"So that mean ya gonna want to have lots of children?" Ida laughed.

"I wasn't thinking about it like that," Michaela honestly replied. "I'm too young to think about having children yet."

"Annie is sixteen, Michaela."

"She's sixteen?" Michaela asked incredulously. "But that's so young?"

"Like I told ya this morning. Boston ain't the whole world."

"I couldn't imagine having children in another year," Michaela said. "I still feel like a child."

"Well, in a lot of ways you are a child. I ain't sayin' that I even think Annie was ready but well truth is she got pregnant 'for her and Will were married so she didn't have much of a choice."

"Before she was married," Michaela repeated.

"Yeah, that's why it's so important to not let things get carried away when you're with a boy. Kissin' and touchin' can be real sweet but it can lead to things that ya ain't ready for."

Michaela grew quiet as she thought about what Ida was saying to her. The first thing that came to mind was her behavior in Sully's room the other day. It had felt good to wrap her arms around him and run her hands up and down his torso but maybe that had been too much. They were still so young. Had that been what Sully meant when he had told her he was confused? Michaela now wished they were back at Anna's so she could talk with Sully. Silently, she urged the horse on, hoping Sully would still be awake.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- five**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 29, 1846**

It was late but Sully couldn't sleep. He needed to talk to Michaela. Things had been unresolved for too long and the distance between them felt like a chasm waiting to swallow him up. His conversation with John kept running through his head as well as Josef's comments about Michaela being naïve. Why did everything have to be so confusing? Sully knew that he had to face the inevitable. He would have to talk to Michaela and try to explain things but the thought of it petrified him.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs made him sit up in bed. They were home. Fighting the desire to go to her, he lay back down promising himself to seek her out first thing in the morning no matter how hard this conversation might be. A light tapping at his door made his heart race and he jumped out of bed, sprinting across the room.

Michaela stood there leaning against the door frame with the moon shining brightly through the window behind her. Her hair was a mess and he could see tiredness etched into her face. Sully met her eyes and was overwhelmed with the happiness he saw reflected there. He smiled at her and she returned the smile. The uneasiness that had settled in Sully's chest began to lift as he saw clearly the path that lay before him.

"Hello," she whispered not daring to move.

"You're back," Sully replied softly, fighting the desire to close the distance between them. They stood there just staring at one another simply enjoying the other's presence.

After a few minutes, Michaela broke the silence. "I guess I should go to bed. It's been a long day."

"I'm sure," Sully said smiling. "In the morning, could we talk?"

"I'd like that," Michaela whispered. She did not move towards him but simply reached her hand out in his direction. Sully met her fingertips with his then pressed his palm lightly against hers. "Sweet dreams, Sully."

"Night, Michaela" he breathed as he slowly withdrew his hand from hers.

**

* * *

****Boston- December 30, 1846**

Josef finished his morning rounds at the hospital and headed back to his office. The morning had been rather busy and he was looking forward to a few quiet moments to collect his thoughts. Anna's words continued to run through his mind and he was anxious to speak with Sully about the adoption. As he opened his office door, he glimpsed Elizabeth sitting in one of the chairs before his desk. Things had been tense since they returned from Maryland and her presence in his office meant no rest for the weary. He had the desire to close the door and simply leave her sitting there. Elizabeth rarely visited the hospital. In fact, Josef could count on one hand the number of times she had been there in the last five years. Reluctantly, he pushed the door the rest of they way open and entered.

"Elizabeth! To what do I owe this honor?" Josef asked as he greeted her with a light peck on the cheek.

Elizabeth was not here for small talk and she got right down to business. "I want you to telegram Anna and have the children come back immediately," she demanded.

"Why?" Josef asked as he furrowed his brows at her unusual request.

"I don't think we should have left Sully and Michaela alone together."

"They're not alone Elizabeth."

"Yes, but none of those people are responsible enough to watch the two of them," she fired back.

"Is this more of your Michaela and Sully have feelings for each other nonsense? You saw for yourself that your daughter likes that Thomas boy, not Sully."

"I think it was an act," Elizabeth replied.

"Right, Elizabeth. She made the whole thing up so that her and Sully could be alone together. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"I found this," Elizabeth said holding up Sully's sketch book.

"And what incriminating evidence does Sully's sketch book hold?" Josef patronized her. Hastily Elizabeth began flipping through the pages until she found the one that she was looking for. She turned it around so that Josef could see it. There in pencil Sully had done a sketch of Michaela curled up on the window seat in the library. Josef was impressed. He had only ever seen Sully draw landscapes or objects but never a person. The likeness was so remarkable that Josef felt drawn to touch the sketch.

"There's more like this," Elizabeth informed him. "In fact every page after this one is another sketch of Michaela." Josef flipped the page. The next one showed Michaela sitting against the tree in their backyard. Then there was one of her lying on the floor reading. The next few were only partially done as though he had been interrupted mid-picture. "So?" Elizabeth asked.

"So, I think he is very talented," Josef replied.

"You don't think it's strange that he is only drawing pictures of Michaela?"

"Elizabeth, do you know how many sketch books that boy has? Just because he only has sketches of Michaela in here doesn't mean he hasn't drawn other people as well," Josef reasoned. "Where did you get this anyway?"

Elizabeth blushed and exhaled loudly. "From his desk," she said quietly.

"You went through his desk?" Josef asked incredulously.

"Josef, he is a child under our roof. We have a right to know if our daughter is in danger." Josef laughed at Elizabeth's statement and not a small chuckle either. It was a full belly laugh that filled the office and resounded off the walls. "Hope this is just as funny when our daughter's innocence has been robbed from her."

This made Josef laugh even harder but as his wife became angrier and angrier, he began to get himself under control.

"Elizabeth, I know that this worries you but I can't see bringing the children back from Boston based on a hunch. Even if you are right, which I highly doubt, it won't matter soon. I plan to adopt Sully when they return from Boston."

A tremendous change came over Elizabeth when she heard the word adoption. "Thank goodness, Josef. I feel so relieved."

"Good, I live to make you happy," he said teasingly. Elizabeth cast him a reproachful look. "So do you think it would be okay for the children to stay in Maryland?"

"It's against my better judgment but I guess I will have to allow it," Elizabeth consented.

"Good. That's all settled. Will you be staying for awhile? I could take you with me on afternoon rounds?" Josef said smiling as he knew there was no way she would agree.

"No, I think I will be going. I promised Rebecca I would come over for lunch." Elizabeth stood and put on her cloak.

"I hope you and Rebecca have a wonderful lunch. Make sure to kiss the grandchildren for me." Josef walked Elizabeth to the door as he spoke.

"Certainly," Elizabeth replied. "I'll see you later at home." She leaned over and gave him a brief hug. Josef watched as she disappeared down the corridor before closing the door to his office and returning to his desk. The sketch book still sat in front of him open to a half finished picture of Michaela with her eyes closed. Josef chuckled again thinking about Elizabeth's comments. He wasn't even sure Sully had noticed girls yet.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – December 30, 1846**

After a restless beginning to his evening, Sully found that after his brief encounter with Michaela, he had slept reasonably well. He was still extremely nervous about talking to her but the fact that they were on speaking terms again eased much of his tension. When he first woke up, he had headed out to the barn to help John with morning chores. Michaela's door was still closed then and he knew she was still asleep. After chores were completed, he had eaten breakfast with the adults and Marjorie while Ida told them about the day before. Sully only half listened as he kept an ear out for Michaela but she never came down for breakfast.

After breakfast, he tried to sketch. First, he worked on some unfinished pencil drawings that he had started the day before. Quickly he became dissatisfied with one after another, ripping them from his book and tossing them into the fire. When sketching failed to hold his attention, he tried reading but his thoughts continued to drift to Michaela. When he had reread the same page five times and still had no clue what it said, he decided to give up. The waiting was getting to him.

Just as Sully wasn't sure he could take it anymore, the morning room door opened. Expectantly Sully looked up hoping for Michaela. His face dropped slightly as Anna entered.

"Not the person you were hoping to see?" she asked.

"No, it's not that. I…," Sully stumbled over his words, feeling slightly guilty.

"Don't worry,' Anna reassured him. "Mind if I join you for a moment?"

"That would be nice," Sully said smiling at her. She walked over and sat down beside him on the couch.

"Sully, Josef and I were talking the other night and he told me about adopting you," Anna turned to look at Sully. Sully had dropped his eyes to his lap, feeling unprepared for this conversation right now. He had been focused solely on making things right between him and Michaela and had momentarily forgotten about the impending adoption.

"Yeah, he said we would try again after New Years," Sully replied.

"And how do you feel about that?" Anna asked. Sully shrugged his shoulders but did not open his mouth. Sully knew that Anna had some idea about him and Michaela but to actually verbalize his feelings seemed impossible at the moment. "Do you want Josef and Elizabeth to adopt you?"

"No," Sully finally said offering no explanation.

"Sully when Josef and I talked the other night, I encouraged him to ask you how you felt about the adoption. When you get back to Boston, I'm sure he will want to sit down with you and talk about it. You need to be honest with him, Sully." Anna advised. Sully looked away, not wanting to hear what Anna was saying.

"If you don't want to be adopted, you need to let him know."

"But if I tell him no, he'll want to know why."

"Tell him."

"Tell him why I don't want to be adopted?" Sully asked trying to confirm that he had heard her correctly.

"He's going to find out sometime. Don't you think it will be much easier for him to hear it from your own lips?"

"I don't know," Sully honestly replied.

"What's the worse you think could happen?"

"He might send me away." The words slipped out before Sully even was aware of what he was saying. Never had he voiced that fear, not even to Michaela. He looked to at Anna now fearing her silence. Gently she took his hand in hers.

"Do you really think he would do that Sully?"

"I don't know."

"I do know Sully. He isn't going to send you away. He loves you like a son. You need to be honest with him. So does Michaela. I'm not saying it is going to be easy. He might not like it at first but he'll get over it." Anna paused now unsure whether she had succeeded in convincing Sully to be honest with Josef. "Sully will you be honest with him?"

Sully sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. Honestly, he didn't know if he could tell Josef but he felt compelled to assure Anna that he would. "Yes, I'll be honest with him," he said in a small voice.

His words in no way assuaged the doubt in Anna's mind. She had tried. The question that remained was if she would tell Josef if Sully and Michaela didn't. She couldn't answer that now though. Even if it was unlikely she needed to give Sully and Michaela a chance to do the right thing. "Thank you, Sully," she said giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

The door of the morning room opened suddenly startling both of them. Michaela burst in expecting Sully to be alone and stopped in her tracks when she saw Anna.

"Good morning," Anna said letting go of Sully's hand.

"Good morning," Michaela returned giving her grandmother a wide smile.

"Don't worry, I was just leaving," Anna said as she passed Michaela to head out the door.

Michaela looked at Sully. "What was that about?"

Sully shrugged and shook his head. Then he took a deep breath readying himself for what he was about to do. "Ya ready to talk?" he asked.

"Sure," Michaela said as she joined him on the opposite end of the couch. "Things have been a little tense."

"Yeah," Sully agreed. "For several reasons." Michaela nodded at him. Sully wasn't sure how to begin. He knew what he needed to say but the words were having a hard time forming in his throat. His palms had gone all sweaty and he nervously rubbed them on his pants as he chewed on his bottom lip. "Michaela, I… this isn't going to be easy for me."

"Sully, relax. It's just me." Michaela tried to reassure him as she noticed how nervous he had become.

"I know you're upset with me 'cause I agreed with your father about ya bein' naïve but I'd like to try to explain."

"Go ahead," Michaela said a little tersely as she felt a slight anger at the use of that word in reference to her again.

"Things are changin' Michaela." Sully stopped as he thought about how stupid that statement had sounded.

"What things are changing?" Michaela asked growing nervous that maybe Sully no longer liked her in that way.

"Me. I'm changing." Sully blushed as he said it but Michaela didn't notice because her heart had suddenly frozen inside her chest. It was what she had feared. Thankfully, Sully noticed the panicked look on her face. "I mean my body is changin'," he said quickly.

"Your body? I don't understand."

"You looked panicked for a moment. I was afraid you thought my feelings for you had changed."

"They haven't have they?"

"No," Sully said emitting a nervous laugh. "No, they haven't."

"Good," Michaela said as she moved closer to him. She ran her finger lightly down the side of his arm. "So what about your body is changing?"

Sully's leg bounced up and down as he contemplated how to tell her without totally embarrassing her. "Sometimes, when you do things like that," he indicated the arm she had just touched, "my body sort of reacts." Michaela still looked confused. Quickly, Sully decided to change tactics. "Okay, forget that. You know how a woman's body tells her when it's able to have children." Michaela blushed but nodded. "My body is telling me that well…"

"I'm really hungry," interjected Michaela suddenly. She rose from the couch. "Do you think there's any breakfast left?"

"I'm sure Ida saved you something," Sully said giving her a confused look. Michaela started for the door. "What about our talk?" Sully asked.

"As soon as my stomach's full," Michaela called over her shoulder heading off for the kitchen.

"Guess, I'll join her," he said to the empty room and set off after her.

* * *

Marjorie had grown board with everything about Maryland. She hated being so far away from the city and she hated that the only people to talk to were servants, her senile grandmother or Michaela and Sully. After breakfast that morning, Marjorie has also had a hard time settling to anything and so she had decided to take a walk. She wasn't planning on going far because the day was rather cold. But as she began to walk, the sun quickly warmed her and she found herself enjoying being alone. Walking along the dirt path through the woods was very peaceful and even relaxing. Her thoughts drifted to home as she walked along. All she could think about was how she was going to miss the New Year's Ball at the Griffin's for some country party. This was Elizabeth's way of continuing to punish her for kissing that boy on Sully's birthday. Marjorie was sure of it.

A noise up ahead startled her and she stopped shielding her eyes against the sun in order to see. The boy who had invited them to the party appeared from around the bend. Marjorie hadn't counted on seeing anyone and was a little put off by his presence as he drew near.

"Good morning," he said giving a little bow in her direction.

"Good morning," Marjorie replied stiffly.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name the other day when I was up at the house."

"Marjorie," she answered.

"It's real nice to meet you, Marjorie. I'm Thomas. Are you Michaela's sister?"

"Of course- who else would I be?" Marjorie sneered.

"Sorry, just wanted to make sure. I know Sully isn't her brother. I didn't know if you were her real sister or not."

"Yes, I'm her real sister," Marjorie sighed. "And you are certainly right- Sully is not our brother."

"You don't like him very much, do you?" Thomas asked intrigued by the differences he saw between Marjorie and Michaela.

"Not really," Marjorie answered.

"Your sister sure likes him," Thomas continued.

"That's because my sister has spent most of her life acting like a boy. She fits right in with him."

"Where are you headed?" Thomas inquired.

"I'm just taking a walk," Marjorie replied.

"I was heading over to Miss Anna's house to see Michaela."

Marjorie rolled her eyes. "Well, I don't know if my sister is receiving visitors this morning; when I left she was holding court with Sully."

"What?" Thomas asked.

"Sully and she were holed up in the morning room having some serious discussion. Anna wouldn't even let me go in to get my gloves."

Thomas narrowed his eyes. He had felt so encouraged by Michaela's behavior the other day but this news felt like a blow to the stomach. "Your sister confuses the heck out me."

"Why?" asked Marjorie.

"One minute she seems somewhat interested in me and the next minute she acts like no one even exists except Sully."

"She thinks Sully is her brother."

"No, I think your wrong about that," Thomas said remembering the incident he had stumbled upon at the summer dance.

"What do you mean?' Marjorie asked.

Thomas considered Marjorie for a minute. He needed to use this situation to his full advantage and that meant he couldn't give away all his secrets right up front. "Now I don't think your sister would want me telling all her secrets."

"My sister doesn't have any secrets," Marjorie returned.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Thomas teased.

"Listen, I know my sister and she is extremely boring. I'm the interesting one," Marjorie said giving a little shake of her head.

"So you are," Thomas added leaning close to her ear. "But you might be surprised about your sister. She has more secrets than you know. Good day." Thomas turned to head home forgetting all about his plans to visit Michaela as there were new plans to be made and he was going to need his sister's help.

Marjorie was left speechless by Thomas' behavior. The way he had leaned in close to her had strangely thrilled and excited her. He was incredibly handsome and it wasn't like she was officially courting anyone at home. Did he really know something about her sister? If he did it must be something really good or he wouldn't have teased her so. Marjorie smiled to herself. This ball might turn out to be much more interesting than she had originally thought.

* * *

Sully watched as Michaela consumed her fourth biscuit loaded down with butter and jam. That was in addition to the eggs Ida had fixed her and the bacon she had eaten before the eggs were even ready.

"Ya done yet?" Sully asked.

"Why, do you want some?" Michaela asked as she held out the basket of biscuits.

"No, thank you," Sully said. "Uhh.. if you're gonna keep eating can I go ahead and tell ya what I was tryin' to tell ya before." Quickly Michaela jammed another biscuit in her mouth and mumbled something indistinguishable. Sully sighed loudly and stood up. "Okay so whenever you're ready, I'll be in the morning room." With that he left.

Michaela felt bad for putting Sully off but she had gone into panic mode as the conversation had taken such a personal turn. Now her stomach hurt from eating too much just to avoid talking. This was silly- she was going to have to face him sooner or later. She might as well get it over with. Rubbing her overfull tummy, she rose from the table and made her way back to the morning room.

As she entered Sully looked up and began to talk before she even had a chance to sit down. "There is no easy way to say this. The other day when we were in my room and you were touching me, I lied about needing to change my clothes." Michaela took a seat and gave Sully a puzzled expression. "If I had turned around… I was afraid… you make things happen to me," he finally spluttered turning a deep shade of crimson. He looked up at her seeing confusion written on her face. "Josef calls it arousal," he said, dropping his eyes to the ground.

"And that could lead to things we don't want to happen like…" was he really going to have to spell it out for her.

"Like making babies," Michaela completed his sentence as the same redness spread across her cheeks. Sully looked up, grateful that she had finally understood. "That can't happen Sully," she said her face growing serious as the previous day played through her mind.

"Michaela, I don't want that to happen but sometimes I can't control the way my body reacts. That's why I think maybe… we ought to be more careful."

"You mean with touching and kissing?" Michaela asked.

"Yeah," Sully said. "I feel bad cause I know I told ya to just act on your feelings. I didn't realize… I mean I knew but I didn't realize…"

"It's okay Sully, I get it. I think I get it anyway. But don't feel bad – you were right I guess I am a little naïve," she admitted smiling at him. "I didn't know or I never would have," she didn't complete the sentence but Sully knew what she meant.

"Michaela, I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable and I don't ever want to push you too far or disrespect you. Sometimes when we are close it's just hard for me to not feel certain ways."

"Sully, I trust you. I'm not worried about any of that. But I think I need to help by not doing whatever it is that makes you, well you know," Michaela finished dropping her eyes to the couch.

"Thank you," Sully whispered.

"Can I still hold you hand?" Michaela tentatively asked. Sully nodded and Michaela reached over and took his hand in hers. It felt good after the distance of the last five days. She relaxed back against the couch savoring the way Sully's hand firmly grasped her own. "We need to talk to Anna about the adoption," Michaela said. "I forgot with everything that has been going on. We don't have much time left."

"That's what we were talking about when you came in," Sully informed her.

"Really, what did she say?"

"That your father is going to ask me if I want to be adopted and that I need to tell him the truth."

"The truth?" Michaela raised her eyebrows. "The truth as in no you don't want to be adopted?"

"Yeah and she thinks I should tell him the reason," Sully added.

"You told Anna?" Michaela gasped.

"No, she just knew," Sully said.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't think I can tell him but if I don't I'm afraid Anna will and I'm scared he might send me away." He looked at Michaela as he said this last line and saw the same fear reflected in her own eyes.

"We can't take that chance," Michaela said. Sully nodded his head in agreement.

"Someday we will have to tell him," Sully reminded her.

"I know but when we do we'll be grown up and he won't be able to separate us then." Michaela smiled at him and gently squeezed his hand. Sully returned the smile as a comfortable silence settled between them. Each was lost in daydreams of what the future held. Thinking about the time when they would openly declare their love for one another without caring what anybody thought. If only things were ever that simple.

**

* * *

****Boston, 1866**

Sully lightly ran his hand down Michaela's cheek. "I love you," he whispered bringing his lips down to gently kiss the sides of her mouth.

"And I love you," replied Michaela her eyes closed as she relaxed into Sully's embrace. The past few days had taken their toll on her and it felt good to be held and caressed. She waited anxiously for his lips to meld with hers and was surprised when she felt Sully pull her hair away from her neck so that he could plant kisses there instead. She bit her bottom lip as he reached the place where her neck joined her shoulder. Sully lightly ran his tongue along her collarbone causing Michaela to tremble.

"Sully," she breathed into his hair knowing they needed to stop but not really wanting to.

"Hmmm," he murmured as he kissed up the other side of her neck now. He pulled back slightly as he reached her jaw line, looking in her eyes to find a longing there that matched his own. Slowly he descended upon her lips, anticipating the way her tongue would hungrily seek his own. Ever so gently he nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth and Michaela gasped at this new sensation. Sully pulled back again smiling at her. Running her tongue over the place his teeth had been just moments before, she pressed herself into him as their lips finally met in a passion filled kiss. When Sully pulled back, Michaela was surprised.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Couldn't be better," he said.

"Why did you stop then?"

"You're making my body react," Sully said teasingly. Michaela blushed at his words. "Soon," he whispered bringing his thumb up to trace her kiss swollen lips.

"Soon," Michaela repeated as she touched the ring on her finger.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- six**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 31, 1846**

"Clara, I know you are in there so just open the door," Thomas called as he banged once more on her bedroom door. "If you don't open it," Thomas was cut short as the door flew open to reveal Clara still in her nightclothes, her hair rag rolled on top of her head.

"Gracious, Thomas, you are loud enough to wake the dead," Clara scolded wiping sleep out of her eyes.

"Clara, it's ten in the morning. Why are you still in bed?"

"Mother says it's important to look your best on occasions like this and that all starts with getting enough sleep."

"If you sleep any longer you'll miss the ball," Thomas teased. Clara snubbed her nose at him and turned to walk across to her vanity. Thomas followed her through the door.

"Is there a reason that you are in my room?" Clara asked glaring at Thomas in the mirror.

"Yes, actually there is. I have a proposition for you," Thomas replied.

Clara smiled at him in the mirror while raising her eyebrows. She was definitely intrigued. "Let's hear it," she said turning around to face him.

* * *

"Which dress are you going to wear tonight?" Marjorie asked Michaela as they sat at the breakfast table. Michaela made a surprised expression and clutched at her chest. Sully started to laugh. "What's that all about?" Marjorie sneered.

"I am in shock that I was actually deemed worthy enough to be spoken to," she giggled.

"Michaela," warned Anna.

"Sorry," Michaela said rather flippantly. "I think the blue one." Michaela looked over at Sully who knit his eyebrows together and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. "Or maybe the green one I wore for Maureen's wedding." Sully repeated the same action. "Or perhaps the red one." Sully smiled widely.

"Well, which one is it?" Marjorie said impatiently.

"The red one. Why do you care?"

"Just wondering," Marjorie said smiling widely. "Do you need any help doing your hair?"

"No, Ida is going to help me," Michaela replied casting her sister a dubious look.

Marjorie merely nodded before returning to her breakfast.

"Do we think that we can get through this ball without any fights taking place?" Anna asked looking down towards Sully and Michaela. They both smiled.

"I ain't plannin' on doin' any fighting," Sully said.

"Let's do try and keep it that way," scolded Anna but there was a gleam in her eye.

Marjorie gave them a confused look but decided not to ask what they were talking about. Instead she excused herself from the table and went to take another walk hoping that she might run into Thomas again.

Sully and Michaela excused themselves as well and retired to the morning room for a game of chess. As they set up the pieces, Michaela looked over at Sully considering him for a minute. "Do you really care which dress I wear?"

"I guess not but ya look awful pretty in the red one," he returned. Michaela blushed. "What are ya plannin' on doing about Thomas?"

"Well, he invited us to go but it's not like he invited me personally to go with him."

"Michaela, he only invited us because he had to. If he could have he would have only invited you," Sully said.

"Still I don't feel obligated to hang on his arm all night. I will dance with him a couple of times and hopefully that will be enough." Sully looked at her questioningly as he made the first move. "And don't get jealous Sully or do anything irrational." Michaela moved her first pawn to meet Sully's.

"Long as Thomas treats ya like he's got manners," Sully returned. The game continued for a few minutes in silence before Sully spoke again. "Guess I can always dance with Clara while you're dancing with Thomas," he teased.

"Sure," Michaela said, her voice high pitched and a little squeaky.

"Ya won't be jealous, will ya?"

"No," Michaela answered in the same tone.

"Your turn," Sully prompted.

"Right." Michaela moved her queen in the diagonal of Sully's bishop. Quickly Sully moved his bishop to take her queen. Michaela didn't even notice. "I'm only going to dance with Thomas for one or two dances," Michaela said as she now moved her bishop into the path of Sully's rook.

"Okay," Sully said as he took her bishop.

"So you really are only going to need someone to dance with for one or two dances at most," Michaela continued, now making a bad move with one of her pawns.

Sully realized she was completely distracted and went in for the kill. Quickly moving his queen in front of her king he triumphantly declared, "Checkmate."

Michaela acted like she hadn't even heard him. "The other times you'll be dancing with me."

"Michaela, I just won," Sully said causing her to look down at the chess board.

"What?" Michaela exclaimed. "You never win."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I mean.." Michaela grimaced as she realized she hadn't been paying attention. "Sorry, guess I was a little distracted."

"Just a little," Sully agreed smiling at her. "Don't worry, Michaela. The only person I wanna dance with tonight is you."

Michaela blushed and crinkled her nose at Sully. "Thank you," she said. Their eyes were locked and Sully felt the urge to simply be close to her. Little did he know the same desire was welling up inside Michaela.

Hastily he dropped his eyes. "How about another game?" he asked more for distraction than anything else.

"Sure," Michaela returned and began setting up the chess board again.

* * *

Sully kept glancing over at Michaela during the ride from Anna's house to the Brooks'. It was dark in the carriage but that didn't matter, he could still remember what she looked like when he had knocked on her bedroom door. She had worn the red dress which made him smile knowing she had done so just for him. Michaela had spent a great part of the afternoon getting ready and Sully knew that even though she wasn't like other girls, she still enjoyed getting all dressed up for an occasion. Marjorie had gone all out as well. Sully had never seen her look quite so fetching. Her dress was green and cream which made her red hair stand out all the more. Sully was surprised that she had gone to so much trouble since she had done nothing but complain about having to go to the Brooks'.

No one knew about Marjorie and Thomas' meeting from the day before. Marjorie had decided to keep it a secret for some reason even she wasn't exactly sure of. Yet in her mind all day had been the desire to outshine Michaela tonight. She wanted more than anything to catch Thomas' eye. The way he had spoken to her and looked at her still made her tingle when she thought about it. The thought that technically she was stealing her sister's love interest kept gnawing at the back of her mind but she continued to push it away. Michaela always got what she wanted; tonight it was her turn to get something for a change.

Michaela sat with her hands tightly clasped, her gloves already damp with perspiration. Exactly why she was so nervous she couldn't put her finger on. It had started as soon as Sully had mentioned Clara this morning. Though he had assured her several times throughout the day that she was his only interest, Michaela continued to be concerned. Thomas was also weighing on her mind and she now regretted the way she had behaved the morning he had come to invite them to the party.

When the carriage finally arrived at the Brooks, John opened the door for them to descend. Anna emerged first helped down by John. Anna wished that Ida and John could stay for the party. She was a little worried about having Sully and Thomas in the same room again with the potential for more fighting. John sensed her apprehension and reassuringly squeezed her arm. "Everything is gonna be fine Anna," he said. Anna smiled at him and gave a slight nod of her head.

The girls emerged next with Sully right behind them. The house was decorated beautifully and Marjorie found herself impressed with the size of the plantation. Thomas was not only handsome, his family was rich. Already imagining herself married to Thomas, she began questioning if she could live so far away from the city. As they entered the house, two women stepped forward to take their outer garments. Michaela knew that they were most likely slaves and she shivered briefly at the thought.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked noticing her expression. Michaela nodded to him. She would have to explain later.

The Brooks greeted them with friendly hugs as if the incident at the dance had never happened that past summer. Marjorie was introduced to them and she turned on the charm, instantly winning them both over.

Thomas had been watching for their arrival and when he saw them enter he went over to Clara. "They are here," he said to her.

"I can see that," she returned.

"Just don't forget what you're supposed to do," he grumbled. Clara made no answer but to stick her tongue out at him as he walked away towards the new arrivals.

Michaela spotted Thomas first and moved to stand beside Sully, hoping to discourage him from the outset. Thomas noticed Michaela's change in position but he was not worried. Confidently he greeted them all.

"Good evening Miss Anna," he began giving a slight bow to her.

"Good evening Thomas," Anna returned.

"Sully," Thomas said somewhat stiffly. Sully gave a little wave of his hand, not bothering to speak.

"Marjorie and Michaela," Thomas gushed. "Don't you both look absolutely stunning this evening."

"Thank you," Michaela said very quietly.

"Thank you and may I say that you look very handsome," Marjorie replied smiling at Thomas.

"I was wondering if I might have the pleasure of a dance," Thomas said extending his hand to Marjorie. Michaela was surprised but relieved. Marjorie beamed, feeling she had already won Thomas away from Michaela. She smiled demurely and took his hand as they both headed for the next room where a string quartet played a waltz.

In imitation of Thomas, Sully stepped in front of Michaela, "I was wondering if I might have the pleasure of a dance." Michaela laughed at him as Sully tried to keep a straight face. She grabbed his hand and they too headed off to dance. Anna sighed and looked around. She had a feeling this night was going to feel like an eternity.

Thomas had continued to dance with Marjorie and it was at least an hour after their arrival before Michaela and Sully saw the two of them again. Michaela was thrilled and she had relaxed completely as even Clara had yet to appear. After several waltzes, they stepped into the other room for something to drink where Thomas and Marjorie approached them.

"There you two are," greeted Thomas.

"Yep, here we are," answered Sully in a rather unfriendly tone.

"Would it be alright if we changed partners for his next dance?" Thomas asked as he looked eagerly at Michaela.

"Sure," Sully agreed gritting his teeth together. "But we were just getting some punch."

"After this dance, alright?" Thomas returned as he grabbed Michaela's hand and pulled her towards the floor. Sully looked over at Marjorie who was looking rather unhappy about being sidled with Sully.

"Ya don't have to dance with me," Sully told her.

"I wasn't planning on it," she returned before sauntering off somewhere.

It was then that Clara made her presence known. She approached Sully from behind reaching up to place her hands over his eyes. "Guess who?" she asked.

"Clara," Sully answered immediately recognizing her sugar sweet voice. He turned around to look at her. "It's nice to see you."

"Same here," she said. "I'm available if someone would like to dance with me."

"Oh, yeah, excuse me… would ya like to dance?" Sully replied.

"I thought you'd never ask," Clara smiled as she took his hand and headed to the dance floor. They took their place among the rest of the dancers. Michaela spotted them right away as the uneasiness from earlier returned. Thomas noticed her reaction but was not worried. His plan was working beautifully; he just hoped Clara would follow through with her role.

After the waltz ended, Sully headed back to the punch bowl with Clara. Thomas and Michaela were already there with a few other young people. Sully dropped Clara's hand and went to stand on the other side of Michaela. Clara followed though staying close to Sully.

"My father says only a fool would get rid of all their slaves without any kind of financial compensation," said one of the young men standing in the group.

"Well of course," agreed another. "The people in the north don't understand the money tied up in owning slaves. They need to keep their nose out of our business."

Thomas raised his eyebrows at Clara. What was she doing? She was supposed to be leading Sully onto the side porch right now, not standing around listening to everyone chit chat. Impatiently he gestured with his head and Clara made an expression as if to say just wait a minute.

Sully looked at Michaela and could tell she was just dying to say something. "Excuse me gentlemen but those of us in the north do know the money you have tied up in the slave industry but that doesn't make owning slaves morally right," Michaela said.

"Well, look at miss high and mighty here." The taller of the two boys glared at Michaela as he spoke. "What are you some kind of abolitionist?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," said Michaela proudly. One of the other boys turned to reply but Sully didn't hear it as he was distracted by Clara.

"Sully, come and see what my parents gave me for Christmas," she encouraged.

"In a minute," Sully replied turning back towards the conversation.

Michaela was speaking again. "How can you expect the people of the north to compensate you for freeing your slaves? You are the ones who were unethical in the first place. Those who own slaves should be the ones to bear the financial burden."

Thomas raised his eyes at Clara encouraging her to try again. He was beginning to doubt that she could pull this off. Clara grabbed Sully's hand after Thomas' gesture. She was determined to keep this bargain. "Come on, Sully. It will only take a minute." Reluctantly he allowed himself to be pulled away, figuring that the sooner he saw the present the sooner he could return.

Clara led him through the room into the next one and opened the door to the side porch letting in a cold blast of air. "Clara, it's freezin' out there," Sully protested.

"It will only take a minute," she said urging him on. "See," she said removing a blanket off a saddle in the corner. "My parents gave me my own saddle for Christmas. Look it's even got my name on it."

Thomas watched as the door to the side porch closed before interrupting the heated discussion. "Though I am sure we all agree that this is an important issue, I don't think it would be right to ruin the festivities by arguing." He cast stern looks in the direction of several of the boys who suddenly backed down knowing Thomas meant business.

Michaela looked around for Sully and realized she didn't know where he was. Feeling a little perturbed at Thomas for ending the conversation and a little upset with Sully for not speaking up, she walked over towards the punch bowl. Thomas quickly joined her, much to her dismay.

"Do you know where Sully went?" she asked trying to dissuade his pursuit.

"I think he said something about needing some fresh air. You could try the side porch," Thomas responded nonchalantly. Michaela quickly set down her punch glass and headed towards the side porch, ready to give Sully an earful for leaving her alone with Thomas and those other bigoted boys. Thomas watched as his plan continued on without a hitch. Clara was doing well so far, hopefully she wouldn't bungle this next part. Thomas felt very pleased with himself. Sure he would have to give Clara his horse, Thunder, but that was a small price to pay for what he hoped to gain tonight. He sauntered over closer to the edge of the crowd so that when Michaela returned he would be ready to offer her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. And if he played his cards right, possibly more than that.

Michaela reached the door to the side porch and fumbled with the latch. It seemed to be sticking. After jiggling it a couple more times it finally came undone and she hastily threw open the door letting her eyes adjust to the dim light.

Clara heard the latch jingle and knew this was her cue. Sully was only feet away from her still admiring the saddle. Grabbing him around the neck, she planted a quick kiss on his lips, just as the door opened. Sully was stunned for a moment before he began pushing her away. He heard a gasp and turned around to find Michaela standing in the entrance to the door. She had gone ghostly white and the red of her dress only extenuated it.

"Michaela," Sully called to her but she had already slammed the door. Michaela had only felt a deep hurt as she heard the panes of glass rattle in the door. She needed to get away from the situation and from Sully. The hurt propelled her across the room as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Why would he kiss Clara after everything they had talked about yesterday? Was it simply true that boys cannot be trusted? That they can't control themselves where a pretty girl was concerned? She saw Thomas approaching out of her periphery.

"Michaela, what's wrong?" he asked grabbing her arm.

The feel of his flesh against hers brought forth a new emotion, anger. "Leave me alone," she shouted vehemently wrenching her arm away from him.

Thomas was not about to be defeated so easily. "Michaela, I just want to help," he said this time taking her hand.

"I don't want your help you bigoted arrogant fool!"

Thomas felt rage flood through him. No girl was going to talk to him like that. He pulled her back towards him increasing his grip on her hand. "I would change my tone if I was you," Thomas growled.

He had underestimated Michaela though. She spun around bringing her other hand up to slap him in the face. The shock of being slapped caused him to let go of her and she quickly raced off towards the front door. A few people had stopped to watch the commotion but because they were off to the side the people who had seen were relatively few. Thomas felt extremely embarrassed anyway and headed into the crowd to escape the stares. Across the room he spotted Marjorie and he made a beeline for her, his mind determined now to reveal Michaela and Sully's little secret.

Sully didn't know what to do as the reality of what had just occurred came crashing down upon him. He needed to go after Michaela and explain but he also wanted an explanation from Clara. "Why did you do that?" Sully yelled at her.

"Sorry," Clara said flippantly. Sully started for the door but Clara grabbed his arm knowing she needed to give Thomas a few more minutes. "What's your hurry?" she asked.

"Let me go!" Sully screamed snatching his arm away from her. He reached for the latch but had the same trouble opening it as Michaela had. In frustration he kicked at the door and Clara laughed. Sully turned around with fire flashing in his eyes. "Do you think this is funny?"

Clara was suddenly afraid and she quickly forgot about trying to waylay Sully. Instead she slipped quietly around him and opened the door with ease. Quickly, Sully rushed through the door just in time to see Thomas disappearing through the crowd. His heart was racing as all he could think about was finding Michaela.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

Michaela sat at a table in the back surrounded by people she didn't know. She had chosen the seat on purpose to be as far away from Sully and Abigail as possible. How she ever thought she could handle watching him marry another woman was beyond her now. Every time she saw them together it was as if the old wounds were opening – wounds that had never really healed.

Abigail caught her eye and started off towards her. "Michaela, you're Sully's family. All the family is sittin' up with us at the head table. Come on," Abigail said taking her hand and practically dragging her to the front of the crowded room. Michaela felt her stomach lurch and was sure all the blood had drained from her face.

SittingMichaela on Sully's left, Abigail took the seat on his right. Sully glanced at Michaela out of the corner of his eye. She looked extremely pale and he noticed her hand was shaking.

"Ya okay?" he asked turning towards her.

"Yes," Michaela answered unconvincingly.

"Michaela.." Sully began but was cut short by Loren rising from his chair and tapping his glass.

"I'd like to welcome everyone here this evening for the rehearsal dinner. I know that if Josef was able to be here – he'd be giving this speech. But anyways I know he's happy for ya Sully. And I'm happy to be gainin' a son-in-law like you. I'd like to propose a toast to Sully and Abigail," Loren finished and raised his glass to his lips. Everyone in the room followed suit except for Michaela who was feeling more lightheaded by the moment.

Her eyes were fixed on Sully and Abigail who had both just set their glasses down. Abigail leaned in towards him closing her eyes. Michaela knew she should look away but she couldn't stop herself. Sully bent his head to meet her lips and though the kiss was short and innocent, Michaela felt as though her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She took a shaky breath. Only one time in her whole entire life had she ever seen Sully kiss another girl and that had been a big misunderstanding. This was not a misunderstanding. This was real and tomorrow it would be forever.

She had to get out of this place as soon as possible. Turning to Sully she whispered, "Sully, I'm suddenly not feeling well. If you'll please excuse me."

"Of course, do ya need me to walk ya back to your room?" Sully asked noticing the ashen color of her face.

"No, I'll be fine," she said as she stood and walked as quickly as possible out of the building. As soon as she crossed the threshold of the door, she took off running into the blackness of the night.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- seven**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 31, 1846**

Michaela ran into the blackness of the night. Flying past carriages and horses, she ran having no direction just needing to put distance between the house and herself. It wasn't until she reached the woods that she allowed her feet to stop. Her heart was pounding hard and she couldn't decide if it was in response to the run or to the hurt that was now spreading through her entire body. Leaning against a tree, she gasped for air until her breathing began to calm. The tears came now in torrents as she gave into the searing pain that ripped across her chest. How could an emotional hurt cause physical pain? If she hadn't known better she would have sworn someone had plunged a knife deep inside of her. Nothing made sense to her in that instant and she wished more than anything that she was at home in Boston climbing into her bed rather than here. Logic had left her momentarily and she thought of trying to find her way back to Anna's in the dark.

Time passed and slowly the tears began to cease and her mind became more focused and rational. She wasn't sure how long she had been outside and part of her was surprised Sully had not tried to find her. There must be a reason Sully was kissing Clara. He had sworn to her just that morning that she was the only one he was interested in. Anger now began to well up inside her not replacing the hurt but overpowering it at least temporarily. She looked down at the white gloves that covered her hands, stained now with her tears. Suddenly she couldn't rip them off fast enough. Throwing them over her shoulder she felt empowered. Next, she raised her hands to her hair and pulled out all the pins that held her curls in place- again she tossed them to the ground. Shaking her head wildly from side to side she freed the curls letting them bounce in the soft moonlight. Now she took a deep breath letting the coldness of the night air fill her lungs. The coldness crawled through her freezing her blood and freezing the pain that had so recently seared through her heart. She remembered slapping Thomas and now she wished to do the same to Sully. Tentatively she took a step forward fearing that the anger that held back the hurt might leave her at any second. Right now that anger was her friend and she wanted to take it with her as she confronted Sully.

* * *

Marjorie was thrilled when she spotted Thomas coming over towards her without Michaela. For the past fifteen minutes she had been stewing about the whole situation and in general throwing a pity party for herself. Now she felt exhilarated as he took her hand and leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "Let's go somewhere and talk." She simply nodded and then let herself be led off through the crowd. 

Thomas led her past his parents who greeted them as they passed. Marjorie felt extremely special holding Thomas' hand and having such a warm welcome from his parents. She tingled with excitement as he showed her into a small dark room. Once he had lit a lamp, she saw that the room was some sort of office with a small desk at one end and chairs scattered about. While Thomas' back was still turned away from her she began to speak. "Thomas, I've never met anyone quite like you."

Thomas turned to look at her; his curiosity peaked by this last statement. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Marjorie smiled somewhat shyly now gently biting her bottom lip. "The boys in Boston are so immature compared to you." Thomas crossed to her as the stroking of his ego seemed to dissipate the rage left by Michaela. "Will this plantation really be yours someday?"

"Of course, it will," Thomas answered importantly. "This is the biggest plantation around these parts," he added. Taking her hand in his, he raised it to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

Marjorie let out a little squeal of delight. "You're so bold Thomas and that makes me feel so …alive. It's like in Boston everyone expects me to play a certain role. I haven't had my coming out yet so I'm supposed to pretend like I don't even notice boys."

Thomas sighed a bit impatiently hoping he wouldn't have to listen to her drone on about herself much longer. When she came to a natural break, he made his move wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her close. "Would you like for me to kiss you?" he asked trying to maintain some semblance of manners. When she nodded yes, he quickly descended upon her lips, the rage and desire inside of him combining into a hunger. Forgetting momentarily what he had come here to do, he slipped his tongue out and was surprised when she willingly admitted him into her mouth as she wrapped her own arms around his torso.

* * *

Sully had only seen the back of Thomas as he headed off through the crowd and soon the whole things began to make sense to Sully. Thomas had planned this and was probably right now leading Michaela off somewhere to comfort her and take advantage of her. Anger filled every pore of Sully's body and he could just imagine himself pummeling Thomas. He had lost sight of Thomas almost immediately. Fighting his way through the sea of people, he looked left and right but didn't see them anywhere. How could he have disappeared that quickly? Maybe someone else had seen where they went. Spotting Anna in the corner talking to an older gentleman, he started off in her direction. 

"Excuse me," he said as he approached. "Anna, sorry to interrupt but have you seen Michaela?"

"No Sully, I haven't. I thought she was with you."

"She was but …" Sully stopped unwilling to confess everything that had happened before the stranger.

"Do you mean your sister?" the older man asked. Sully nodded quickly ignoring the use of that hated word. Thomas Brooks was with her. I was talking to his parents when they passed. They headed off in that direction." The older gentleman pointed Sully across the room. Sully didn't see them but since he was sure they were holed away in some private place he decided to make a search of the rooms along that side of the house.

"Thanks," Sully hastily called as he turned to run across the room.

* * *

Usually Thomas was extremely focused when he had a task to carry out but his one weakness like his father's was women. And the one before him was surprising him right now. None of the girls around here had allowed him to go as far as Marjorie had in such a short time. Thomas had generally taken what he wanted from the slave women they owned but this was different. Marjorie was a real woman to him. The kissed continued to heat up and now Thomas decided to be bold again. Slowly, he moved one of his hands at her waist up her side until he had grazed the side of her breast. He felt Marjorie stiffen but as he moved his hand away she relaxed again. He knew he just needed to take it nice and easy. Again, he brought his hand up to cup her breast. 

Marjorie pulled back from their kiss. "Thomas what are you doing?"

"Come on, Marjorie, let's have a little fun," he said as he fondled her while tightening his grip around her waist. Quickly now he descended again upon her lips as she began to squirm against him. This only excited him all the more. "Marjorie, you are the interesting one aren't you?" he said as the rage from earlier came coursing through him.

"Stop it!" Marjorie screamed desperately trying to push him away as his hands groped wildly across her chest.

"Your sister lets Sully, why shouldn't you let me?" he laughed, a decidedly evil look on his face. Marjorie heard what Thomas said but it did not register as she continued to claw at him. Thomas pushed her over onto the desk now, using the hand at her breast to force her down. With the other hand he started to pull her dress up.

Marjorie screamed, praying that someone from the party would hear her over the music. As if her prayer had just been answered, the door flew open. Sully had heard a scream and had thrown open the door. He saw the forms by the desk not knowing to whom they necessarily belonged but had assumed it was Thomas and Michaela. Rushing across the room, he jumped onto Thomas' back pulling him off who he thought was Michaela. Sully's eyes had now adjusted to the dim light and he was surprised to see Marjorie instead.

Thomas had been taken off guard by Sully initially but he now shook him loose, feeling the full force of his anger course through him. Even though Sully was strong, he realized he was no match for Thomas as he literally flew across the room when Thomas shook him free.

"Run, Marjorie," Sully yelled knowing they both needed to make a hasty retreat. Marjorie wasted no time in heading out the door. Sully also started for the door but Thomas moved in front of him to block him. One hard punch to the stomach sent Sully stumbling backwards with the wind knocked out of him. Thomas moved in to land another punch but Sully was too quick for him and even in his injured state managed to duck under Thomas' arm to make for the door. Marjorie stood just outside waiting for him and he quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd with the other hand clutching his stomach.

Thankfully, Anna was still in the same place talking to the same gentleman. She saw them coming and realized something was wrong. "What is it?" she asked as they approached. "Where's Michaela?'

"I don't know," gasped Sully still struggling to get his breath back. "We need to leave now," he insisted.

"But John's taken the carriage home; he was going to come back shortly after midnight," Anna responded as she observed Marjorie's disheveled state and the tears that were now coursing down her cheeks.

The older gentleman spoke up now realizing the gravity of the situation. "You can use my carriage, Anna."

"Thank you," Anna returned. The older gentleman led the way towards the door as they all followed behind. Marjorie held fast to Sully's hand as they moved through the crowd. Sully kept looking over his shoulder for any sign of Thomas but amazingly he wasn't anywhere to be seen. As they gathered their outerwear, Anna turned to Sully. "We have to find Michaela."

"Yes," he said. "But I have no idea where she is."

"I'll go look for her. You follow Mr. Wells out to his carriage and I'll bring her along." Sully wanted to be the one to go and find her especially since he still needed to explain what she had seen earlier but he didn't want to meet Thomas again so he consented. As they made their way down the front stairs, Michaela appeared from between two carriages. Sully's heart was glad to see her.

"Michaela," he hastily called out noticing now how wild she looked. Michaela breathed in deeply as she saw how tightly Marjorie held onto Sully's hand. The wall of anger ripped temporarily and the hurt came pouring through again. Why would Sully be holding hands with her sister? "We gotta go," Sully called to her beckoning her towards the carriage. Then he remembered Anna was still inside looking for her. "I'll go get Anna," he said. Marjorie reluctantly dropped his hand as the tears continued to fall. Michaela saw the tears but her heart was so confused with her own pain, she felt powerless to reach out to her sister. They stood there in a little group, Marjorie crying, Michaela seething and Mr. Wells totally clueless to anything that was going on.

Thankfully Anna hadn't gotten very far in her search for Michaela. Sully found her right inside the next room and explained to her that Michaela was already outside. They rejoined the small group and hastily made their way to the gentleman's carriage. Anna exchanged a few words with the man as the others all climbed inside. Anna joined them shortly and the carriage set off towards home. Looking around at the three young people who sat in front of her, she was startled. Michaela looked almost wild and was glaring at Sully. Marjorie had sat beside Sully and buried her head on his shoulder as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks. Sully rubbed his stomach tenderly and looked imploringly at Michaela whose features refused to soften.

"Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" Anna asked. Everyone quickly dropped their eyes to their laps. Sully wanted to tell what he had walked in on between Thomas and Marjorie but he wasn't sure Marjorie would want him too. Marjorie was still in such a state of shock that she hadn't even heard Anna's statement and Michaela was saving all of her energy to yell at Sully. "Okay," Anna said. "Thanks for sharing." The sarcastic bite of her voice was bitter. The rest of the ride was conducted in silence.

When they arrived at home, they quickly and quietly descended from the carriage and headed into the house. Marjorie refused to let go of Sully and was clinging to his arm for dear life. Michaela saw it and again the hurt broke through as Sully did nothing to dissuade her. Immediately upon entering the house, Michaela flew up the stairs afraid that the tears would start falling again.

Anna let her go but stopped Marjorie and Sully right inside the door. "Okay, someone is going to tell me what's going on?"

Sully looked at Marjorie and gently said, "Marjorie, you need to tell her." Marjorie sobbed harder but nodded her head. Gently Sully disentangled himself from her and Anna wrapped an arm around her back leading her off to the morning room.

Once inside Marjorie stood dumbfounded in the middle of the floor, tears still falling. Anna quickly lit some lamps and led Marjorie to sit with her on the sofa.

"What's wrong?" she said gently stroking the girls back.

Marjorie sucked in a sharp breath. "I… Thomas…," she broke down again as she said his name.

"Did Thomas hurt you?" Anna asked becoming concerned. Marjorie didn't answer at first. She wasn't physically hurt. He had held her down with force but she wasn't in any pain. Did what she felt right now count as hurt? "Marjorie," Anna soothed. "What is it?"

"He… put…. his… hands on me," Marjorie finally managed to get out before throwing her head down into Anna's lap. The shame of the experience crashed in upon her. Suddenly she felt dirty and wished more than anything for a hot bath to rinse away his filth.

"Marjorie," Anna spoke in a soft tone. "Tell me what he did."

It took a few minutes for Marjorie to calm down but finally she was able to speak. "He touched me here," she indicated her chest. "He pushed me down on the desk." Anna steeled herself for what she feared was to come. "He tried to lift up my dress but …Sully … stopped him." Marjorie collapsed back into Anna's lap. Anna breathed a sigh of relief that nothing worse had happened as anger at the Brooks rose in her chest. Someone needed to stop that family and she might just be the woman to do it. But for now she needed to attend to Marjorie.

* * *

Sully watched as Anna and Marjorie disappeared down the hall before heading up the stairs. He wasn't sure what he was going to encounter. The look of anger that was in Michaela's eyes on the carriage ride home had startled him but he was sure he had seen a tear leak out of the corner of her eye just as she had started to ascend the stairs. Certainly, she couldn't think that he wanted Clara to kiss him; not after everything they had talked about the day before. Quickening his pace, he took the stairs two at a time realizing that every second was now of the essence. 

He lightly knocked at her bedroom door. "Michaela, we need to talk," he spoke into the door.

"Go away!" she screamed, her voice full of the anger he had seen earlier in her eyes.

Sully leaned his head against the door. "No, Michaela I'm not going away. A lot of stuff happened tonight and we need to talk about it."

Michaela sat on her bed staring at the door. She couldn't see Sully right now while the hurt was so close to the surface. Tears continued to flow unchecked down her cheeks as she willed the anger from earlier to return. She started to say something else but decided the best course of action was simply to ignore him until he went away.

Sully waited but he heard no sounds from her room except for something that sounded like muffled crying. "Michaela," he spoke tenderly. "Please, Michaela." Still no answer. He sat down and leaned his back against her door. She had to come out at some point and he would wait right here for her if it took all night.

Time passed slowly and Sully's eyelids grew heavy. The sound of feet ascending the stairs roused him and he looked up to see Marjorie standing above him. Her face was tear-stained and red from crying but she looked more at peace now. Sully stood up to speak to her.

"Ya okay?"

"I will be," she said. "Sully, I … I don't know how to say this," she stopped and looked around noticing they stood right outside Michaela's room. "Could we go to your room for a minute?" Sully nodded and walked with her down the hall. He opened the door to his room and they stepped inside leaving the door open. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did tonight."

Sully blushed and dropped his eyes to the floor. "It wasn't anything. I mean anybody would have done the same."

"It was something, Sully. You saved me even after the way I have always treated you. I won't forget this. I want you to know that I'm going to tell father to go ahead with the adoption."

Sully panicked at this last line. "No, Marjorie you don't have to do that."

"I want to. I'd be proud to have a brother like you." Sully didn't know what to say. Again he found the conflicting emotions rising in his chest. The fact that Marjorie wanted him as her brother was overwhelming. The adoption though would sever any future he might have with Michaela. Marjorie observed him lost in thought for a moment before breaking the silence. "Sully, please don't tell anyone, alright?"

"I won't Marjorie as long as you told Anna," he said.

"I did," she informed him giving him a brief smile. "I just wanted to say thank you," she added before leaning in to hug him and place a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you so much," she repeated.

"You're welcome," Sully squeaked. "Night."

"Good night," Marjorie said as she left his room for her own.

* * *

Michaela had heard the voices outside her bedroom door. It sounded like Sully and Marjorie talking. Silently moving across the room, she had laid her head against the door to hear their conversation but it had stopped. The sound of feet shuffling down the hall caught her attention and slowly she opened her door just in time to see Sully and Marjorie enter his room. Tiptoeing down the hall she followed them, moving slowly so that they wouldn't hear her. They had left the door open and she carefully peeked around the corner hoping not to be spotted. Unable to make out their words, she almost turned and headed back to her room but then Marjorie leaned in to hug Sully and even kissed him on the cheek. Scampering down the hall, she made it back to her door before Marjorie left Sully's room. Inside the anger was surging again, relegating the hurt to some small corner of her being.

As soon as she heard Marjorie's door close, she stepped boldly into the hall ready to face Sully. Meanwhile, Sully grabbed a pillow and blanket and started back to keep vigil at Michaela's door. When Michaela met him at the threshold of his own door, he was startled.

"Michaela," he exclaimed. He knew things were far from right yet but the simple fact that she had left her room made his heart swell with joy.

"It's good to see you haven't forgotten my name," she said her voice dripping with anger.

"What are you talking about?"

"With all the girls you've been running around with tonight, I'm surprised you even remember me."

"Michaela, calm down. Everything can be explained," Sully tried to touch her shoulder but she quickly moved out of the way. Sully telling her to calm down had only fueled the rage that was building inside of her.

"I will not calm down! I am not someone you can order around!"

"Michaela, please give me a chance to explain," Sully begged.

Michaela gave an angry snort and shook her head. Sully wasn't sure if this was an invitation to continue or not. "I'm waiting," she finally said tapping her foot impatiently against the floor.

"I didn't kiss Clara. She kissed me."

"Like that makes it any better!" Michaela interjected. "Why did you go off alone with her?"

"She wanted to show me the Christmas present her parents had given her. I didn't want to go but she was so insistent. I thought if I went and saw it then she'd leave me alone. Besides you were all absorbed in conversation with those boys, I didn't think ya'd miss me." Sully looked at Michaela's face for any sign that she was softening, not realizing he had just touched on another sore spot.

"So you left me alone with those Cretans to go see someChristmas present! I hope it was worth it!"

"How can ya say that? Don't ya think I regret ever goin' with Clara in the first place? I didn't know that was goin' to happen. I didn't want it to happen."

"Why would she do it Sully – why would Clara kiss you?"

"I think Thomas set it up, Michaela. I don't know how but I think he planned for ya to catch us."

"That's ridiculous!" Michaela screamed yet even as the words left her mouth, her heart began to feel the truth of Sully's statement.

"Is it ridiculous Michaela? Do you really think so? Cause ya know what I think? I think Thomas is about as bad as they come. Ya know what his father is capable of and I think the apple don't' fall too far away from the tree!"

Michaela could feel herself softening but she still refused to give in. Her mind raced for the next accusation to level against Sully. "So why were you holding hands with Marjorie? Why was her head buried in your shoulder all the way home?"

"Michaela she was upset!"

"She wasn't right now when I saw her hugging and kissing on you!"

"So now you're spyin' on me!"

"Don't change the subject! Why was Marjorie hugging and kissing you?"

"To thank me for doing something for her tonight!"

"What did you do?"

"I'm sorry but that isn't for me to tell Michaela. She was in a bad situation and I helped her out. The hug and kiss on the cheek you spied on," Sully emphasized each of these words, "was nothing more than a sister to brother interaction!"

"Just like our sister to brother interactions!"

"Michaela, that's different."

"How could you Sully? After everything you said to me yesterday! Guess I'm not the only girl who makes your body react!"

"How can you say that? You know how I feel about you!" Sully stopped his eyes flashing wildly. His heart felt as if it was going to beat out of his chest. Taking two deep breaths, he tried to calm down. "No one makes me feel like you do," he said gently stepping closer to Michaela.

"Don't lie to me!" yelled Michaela having lost none of her earlier venom. The hurt was trying to break through again and she swallowed hard against it. In one fluid motion, she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face. Sully stood there stunned his hand over the cheek she had just slapped. Michaela felt her tears returning and she refused to let Sully see her cry. Quickly, she turned and ran from the room back to her own where she slammed the door.

Sully's first thought was to camp outside her door like he had planned earlier, hoping that she would soon come to her senses but suddenly everything was too much for him. There was a dull ache on the right side of his abdomen where Thomas had landed a punch. His cheek stung from where Michaela had just let her rage fly. Yet more than any of the external injuries was the heaviness of his heart which felt as if it was breaking in two. Michaela was upset with him. Marjorie was going to tell Josef it was okay to adopt him. Stumbling to the bed, he threw himself across it, soaking the blanket with tears.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

Michaela's heart was breaking as she watched Sully sobbing. He looked so like a little boy with his head lying upon her pillow. Crossing the room toward him, she now knew the reason she had come. It was clear to her now. It wasn't that long ago that she had insisted that they couldn't be together but standing here now she couldn't imagine her life without him. Gently she sat down on the edge of the bed and began to caress his cheek, wiping the hair back from his face.

The feel of her fingertips on his skin caused him to open his eyes. Michaela continued her motions even after he opened his eyes. "Michaela, ya don't have to," he said, his voice dead of all emotion.

"Sully I want to. You were right; I have never stopped loving you. It's killing me to see you in so much pain. I never should have pushed you away."

Those words cut through Sully like a hot knife searing his flesh and ripping it from the bone. Did this woman really have the audacity to say what she had just said? Quickly he sat up, pushing his way past Michaela to get off the bed. He felt her hand grip his arm but he pulled away. "Don't!" he shouted.

"Sully, don't push me away! I love you. I want to help you get through this."

"Ya love me?" he said sarcastically. "That's only about a year too late!"

"Sully, I know you're upset but please don't.."

"Stop it, Michaela! Just stop it! I don't want to hear anymore. Do you know what I have been going through for the past year? Do ya even care? Ya tell me that ya can't be with me anymore as my train's leaving. Ya press the engagement ring into my hand and tell me good-bye. I was beggin' you Michaela – beggin' you not to do it!"

"Sully it killed me to do that to you. I never wanted to hurt you but I thought it was for the best," Michaela's voice was barely louder than a whisper as tears filled her eyes.

Sully felt his heart soften as he observed her. He knew she was telling the truth but he was so angry. So angry for what she had done to him and so angry that what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life was crashing and burning around him. Pushing the love he still held for her into some recess of his heart, he embraced that anger and directed it at Michaela. "For the best! You think that ripping my heart out and stomping upon it was for the best! What's wrong with you? You're sick!"

"Sully, I couldn't see any other way," she returned as tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks.

"Leave me the hell alone! Go back to Boston – to your rich father! You've robbed me of everything in my life – no father, no mother, no wife! Get out of my presence – you make me sick!" Sully grabbed Michaela by the shoulder planning to shove her towards the door. Michaela quickly reacted to his words and the forceful hand that gripped her shoulder. Raising her right hand in one fluid motion she slapped him hard across the face.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, MD - December 31, 1846**

Marjorie had heard the whole argument from her room. It was fairly impossible to miss it as they both had been screaming so loudly at each other. At first she had been confused wondering why Michaela was upset about Sully kissing some girl but slowly it had all begun to make sense. Thomas' words from earlier that evening came back to her – your sister lets Sully. At the time her fear and confusion had kept her from fully understanding what he had meant but now it was quite clear. So Sully and Michaela were… well, what were they? Obviously not brother and sister. That's why Sully had railed against her telling Josef to proceed with the adoption. Thomas was right; her sister did have secrets and big ones at that. Marjorie lay down in bed, her mind embracing this new information. The question was what she was going to do with this uncovered secret.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- eight**

**Boston – January 2, 1847**

Josef clutched the telegram in his hand as he headed for platform four where the children's train was due any second. After he arrived at the platform, he opened the telegram once more to read it hoping there was something he might have missed the first time.

_Josef,_

_Bringing children to Boston myself. Will explain when I get there. _

_Anna_

No, it was still the same two lines. Why in the world would Anna be traveling with the children to Boston? Michaela and Sully had returned by themselves over the summer. Something didn't feel right to him and he was anxious for their arrival so that his mind could be put at ease. Within minutes the train had pulled into the station and passengers began to disembark. Josef looked along the length of the train for a recognizable face. Near the end of one of the passenger cars, he spotted Michaela just stepping onto the platform. Quickly he made his way to her.

"Mike," Josef called. Michaela looked up at him and then rushed into his outstretched arms hugging him tightly as if she hadn't seen him in months. "Mike, is everything okay?" Josef asked as a slight panic settled in his chest. Yet before Michaela could answer, Josef looked up to see Sully being helped off the train by John. Anna was behind giving orders as to their movements. Josef quickly let go of Michaela.

"Good God, what happened?" he asked noticing Sully was moving stiffly.

"Broken rib," Sully managed to utter between labored breaths. The exertion of moving off the train had nearly worn him out.

"How did you fracture a rib?" Josef asked still dumbfounded at what he was seeing before him.

"All in good time Josef," Anna replied as she eased herself onto the platform. Marjorie was right behind her and just like Michaela she hugged her father as if she had been absent from him for a long time.

"Is someone going to tell me what is going on?" Josef asked again still stunned by everything that was happening.

"Not here we're not," Anna stated in a matter of fact fashion. "Now, come on. Sully needs to get home and rest." Anna started toward the street leading the group in her wake with a slightly stunned Josef bringing up the rear.

The carriage ride was short but to Sully it felt like an eternity as he seemed to be jostled more and more with each passing second. The pain medicine had completely worn off and after the time spent on the boat and then the train from Maryland he was overwhelmed. Another sharp pain shot through his chest as he inhaled a little too deeply. The pain hadn't been this bad since he had first woken up on New Year's Day. Anna had sent John for the doctor right away and had chastised Sully for not telling her about his injury the night before. Sully swore to her that he hadn't known. At first, Anna had thought to keep Sully in Maryland and only send the girls back. Yet she needed to speak to Josef and Elizabeth about Marjorie and so the decision was made to bring Sully back to Boston.

Michaela looked across at Sully who she knew was in a great deal of pain. She wanted to take his pain away but at the same time she wanted her own pain to go away. New Year's Day she had awoken to find that Sully was injured and that a doctor was in with him but still everyone had been vague about how exactly he had come to be injured. She figured out it had something to do with Marjorie but that was about as far as she got. Every time she entered a room, she felt as if conversations were dropped and smiles put on for her benefit. All New Year's Day she had wished to go into Sully and apologize for slapping him the night before but she hadn't and soon the desire had passed as she allowed the anger to regain control.

When they arrived at home, Sully was promptly escorted up to bed where Josef administered more pain medication. Michaela had quickly ascended to her room after greeting her mother and had found when she descended fifteen minutes later that a meeting was going on in the library that she was not privy too. At that point she had gone back upstairs to her room. As she passed Sully's door, her heart quivered within her and she knocked softly. Hearing no answer, she pushed the door open. Sully was asleep, his face turned towards the door. There was no peace upon his face though and she knew immediately that his sleep was drug induced and troubled. Quietly she closed the door and retired to her room to let out the tears that had been building ever since the train station.

* * *

After Josef had made sure Sully was resting comfortable, he had insisted that Anna tell him everything that had happened in the few short days since Elizabeth and he had left Maryland. Even though she felt bone tired from traveling, Anna had agreed seeing the look of worry on Josef's face. She had hoped that Elizabeth would have been out for the afternoon and when only Josef had arrived to greet them at the train station she had allowed herself to believe it was true. Now sitting opposite her in the library, Anna was dreading what was to come.

Josef entered the library now and closed the doors behind him anxiously looking at Anna.

"Mother, what happened?"

"This isn't my story to tell. It really is Marjorie's but she asked me to tell you both and I agreed because I know how painful and hard it was for her just to admit it to me." These words brought no comfort to either Josef or Elizabeth and they exchanged nervous glances with each other before turning back to look at Anna.

"The young man, Thomas, who invited us all to the New Years Ball, apparently took a liking to Marjorie."

"I thought he liked Michaela," Elizabeth interjected.

"I'm not sure Thomas is really that discerning when it comes to the girls as I'm sure you will agree when I finish explaining," Anna replied. "At some point in the evening he asked Marjorie to go somewhere private and talk with him."

Again, Elizabeth interrupted, "Please tell me she didn't. I am going to skin that girl alive if she did." Josef looked at his wife imploring her to let Anna finish the story.

"She did," Anna confirmed and Elizabeth gave a small gasp but held her tongue. "Thomas at that point forgot how to act like a gentleman and proceeded to try to take advantage of her. Fortunately for Marjorie, Sully overheard her screams and managed to get to her before things got out of hand."

"What exactly happened before things got out of hand?" Josef demanded.

Anna breathed in deeply before beginning her answer afraid of the reaction that she might receive. "I believe she willingly kissed Thomas once. After that he became aggressive by placing his hands on her chest improperly. He held her down on a desk and began to lift her dress. That is the point at which Sully encountered them."

"Thank God it wasn't any worse than that," Elizabeth said shaking her head. "I've warned Marjorie that boys aren't to be trusted." Anna felt the words rising in her throat but she swallowed them knowing now was not the time to get into a fight with Elizabeth.

"What does all this have to do with Sully's injury?" Josef asked still trying to connect the pieces.

"Sully jumped Thomas to get him off of Marjorie. Thomas shook him off and then punched Sully hard in the abdomen. The doctor believes that either the landing on the floor or the punch could have caused the injuries," Anna finished.

"I guess we are also lucky that Sully wasn't hurt worse," Josef said looking at Elizabeth.

"Michaela doesn't know about any of this," Anna informed them. "She had words with Thomas earlier in the evening and had gone outside to clear her head when all this went on. Though I wasn't sure it was a good idea to keep her in the dark, I respected my agreement with Marjorie to tell no one about what happened besides the two of you."

"I'm sure Marjorie feels quite embarrassed about the whole situation not to mention ashamed and guilty," Josef said this looking at Elizabeth all the while. Anna knew that he had the same fear that she did- that somehow Elizabeth would make this out to be Marjorie's fault.

"I totally agree," Elizabeth said. "I'm sure she needs a woman to talk to about what happened to her. I better go to her." Elizabeth got up and headed for the door.

"She did talk to me Elizabeth." The words slipped out before Anna had a chance to censor herself.

"Oh, of course, I just meant.." Elizabeth fumbled.

"Don't worry. Go talk to her," Anna said waving her out of the room. Elizabeth turned rather red in the face but said nothing else in return.

* * *

As Josef entered the bedroom, he looked over at Elizabeth who was changing for bed and humming a little tune. She had been in an excellent mood all day which surprised him especially since Anna was to be their guest for the next couple of days. All through dinner, she had chatted happily with everyone as if today had been the perfect day. This confused Josef. What had been so wonderful about today? They had found out about the attempted rape of Marjorie, Sully's injury and to top it all off Michaela had returned sullen and despondent and had refused to leave her room for dinner.

"What has you in such a good mood?" Josef finally asked as his wife sat at her vanity to brush out her hair.

"Having all the children home I suppose," Elizabeth answered with a smile perched upon her lips.

"Is that all?"

"Well, I must admit even though I hate to think about the events of the New Year's Ball, they seem to have wrought a remarkable change in the children. I can't help but be happy about that."

"I'm not sure I understand," replied Josef now sitting on the edge of the bed, anxious for Elizabeth to explain herself.

"Marjorie is like a changed person. When I went up to talk to her this afternoon, she was pleasant and repentant for her previous actions as far as boys are concerned. We talked for at least an hour. It was like I had my little girl back again."

"I guess that is good. I hate to think about what almost happened to her but I suppose if it will encourage her to be more careful now," Josef drifted off wondering if this line of thinking was really for the best right now.

"Her attitude towards Sully has certainly changed. Did you see them talking during dinner?"

"I did notice," Josef said the same worried expression on his face. "But Michaela..."

Elizabeth interrupted him. "I know Michaela is despondent again but I'm not sure even that is such a bad thing."

"How can you say that?" Josef felt anger rising inside of him.

"Calm down Josef. I don't want to see her depressed but it is only natural. The fight with Sully at Christmas is apparently unresolved. Then Thomas rejects her in favor of Marjorie. I know she doesn't know what happened but she certainly knows something happened and everyone is keeping her in the dark. Those three things together explain her behavior," Elizabeth paused now to give Josef a chance to respond. He said nothing but lay down on the bed, his forehead creased with concern. "Josef, it means that Michaela really did like this Thomas and that even after being rejected by him she didn't run back and make up with Sully."

"Elizabeth," Josef sighed.

"I know you don't agree with me but I can't help but be pleased with Sully and Michaela's separation."

"And what about Sully?"

"I'm not happy he was injured but I must say I am pleased that he is learning to protect his sisters." Josef looked over at Elizabeth as she used this word. "You do realize that with Marjorie feeling friendlier toward Sully that the adoption should precede without a hitch?"

"Possibly," Josef said.

"Possibly? Josef what you have wanted since Sully came to live with us is about to become a reality and all you can say is possibly." Elizabeth turned in her chair to consider him. He seemed lost in thought.

"I still need to ask Sully how he feels about it," Josef finally said.

"Josef, he is a child. How he can he possibly know what is best? He needs our guidance." Josef shrugged his shoulders and climbed out of bed. "Where are you going?" Elizabeth asked.

Away from your insanity Josef thought to himself but he answered, "To get a glass of milk." Then he turned and exited the bedroom.

**

* * *

****Boston, January 3, 1847**

"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice Mr. Hankins," Anna said smiling across the desk at the lawyer who sat before her.

"I must say I was a little surprised to hear you were in Boston Mrs. Quinn."

"I was escorting my grandchildren home after Christmas," she explained.

"I see," replied the lawyer. "You said the business was urgent. I do hope nothing is wrong."

"No, nothing is wrong but I need your help with some business transactions and discretion is of the utmost importance."

"Our law firm can be trusted, Mrs. Quinn. What type of business transactions?"

"It has come to my attention that a Mr. Thomas Brooks Sr. had incurred heavy debt with the companies I have listed here." Anna slid a sheet of paper across the desk toward Mr. Hankins. Mr. Hankins perused the names. "In addition, I have it on good authority that several banks are about to call in loans on Mr. Brooks. His plantation is one of the largest on the eastern shore of Maryland and I want to own it." Anna came right out with it seeing no reason to beat around the bush.

Mr. Hankins leaned back in his chair and folded his hands together considering what Anna was asking of him. "Mrs. Quinn I have never known you to have an overwhelming interest in acquiring property or a business such as this one."

"You are right, Mr. Hankins. Normally I choose to invest my money in other ways. Do you think what I am proposing is possible?"

Mr. Hankins looked over the list again. "With the right amount of money," he said considering the options before him.

"Mr. Hankins, if you turn the paper over you will see the amount of money I am willing to spend on this venture. Is it possible?"

The lawyer quickly turned the paper over, almost chocking at the amount he saw written there. "I would say that plantation is as good as yours."

"No one is to know that I am the buyer. Is that clear Mr. Hankins?"

"Mrs. Quinn, rest assured your name will be far removed from any proceedings until you wish to reveal yourself."

"Then draw up the forms Mr. Hankins. I will only be in town for two more days and I want the wheels turning as soon as possible."

* * *

Two weeks passed in the Quinn household bringing with it a few changes. Sully's injury was healing nicely and it was decided he could return to school if he was careful. Sully was nonplused about this announcement as he had used the days off from school to concentrate on painting a birthday present for Michaela. Even though he was supposed to be resting, he found that if he held his arm a certain way he barely felt any pain as he painted. He missed Michaela terribly and it only intensified when he would hear her footsteps as she passed his door. Everyday he would pray that he might hear those footsteps stop at his door and enter his room. Yet they never did. Essentially he was confined to his room and so it was nearly impossible to go to Michaela. He had tried once, standing outside of her door knocking but she refused him admittance. As the pain in his chest lessened from the injury, he became even more acutely aware of the pain that was growing in his heart.

Marjorie remained pleasant and friendly towards Sully. She even stopped by his room to bring him his homework which she had agreed to pick up for him each day. Often she would stay and talk with him for a few minutes. The secret was still firmly fixed in her mind though she hadn't told anyone about it yet. Michaela had been so distant from Sully that she really thought that maybe the secret wasn't exactly true anymore. Watching Sully struggle with Michaela's banishment of him from her life was difficult. Marjorie had never been particularly concerned with others but for the first time in her life she actually empathized with Sully.

The problem was that any attention that Marjorie gave to Sully only made Michaela angrier. Secretly she felt horrible for slapping him, afraid that she had added to the injury that he had apparently received at the hands of Thomas. Though Michaela couldn't be sure because everyone was still hush-hush about what had occurred while she was absent from the party. Everyday when she arrived home from school, she headed straight to her room only to be coaxed out by Josef at dinner time. She refused to even look at Sully during these meal times and if their eyes met accidentally, she would hastily drop her gaze afraid that he would see past the anger to the hurt that seemed only to get worse instead of better.

Josef tried talking to Michaela to find out exactly what had her so out of sorts but she brushed off each attempt. The only time he saw the old Michaela was on Saturdays when she would go to the hospital with him. Then for a few hours a spark of life would enter her eyes and she would become animated and alive. Yet as soon as they entered the carriage to return home, she crawled back inside of herself to stay hidden for another week. Elizabeth seemed to think that in time she would come around but Josef was becoming more and more worried about her. In desperation, he sought out Rebecca, hoping that she would be able to talk to Michaela.

When Josef had asked Rebecca to talk to Michaela, she had readily agreed. She assured her father that there was nothing to worry about. Elizabeth had explained to Rebecca how Thomas had chosen Marjorie over Michaela at the New Year's Ball. Rebecca was convinced that Thomas was the young man Michaela had referred to during their Thanksgiving conversation, and if that was true, Michaela simply suffered from loss of her first infatuation. Still she hated to see her younger sister suffer and so one afternoon she visited her childhood home to have a talk with Michaela.

Michaela was in her bedroom supposedly doing homework when Rebecca arrived. Her bedroom door was open a crack and Rebecca decided not to knock but simply enter. She had not seen Michaela since they had returned from Maryland and she was a little alarmed at the sight that greeted her. Michaela stood by the window looking out at the backyard. She turned when the door opened, a little startled at first.

"Rebecca," she said with almost no emotion in her voice.

"Michaela," Rebecca greeted her cheerfully going to her and hugging her firmly. "It's good to see you." Rebecca drew back to really look at her. Her features were drawn and Rebecca was sure that Michaela had lost weight since she had last seen her. Josef had been right, her eyes appeared almost lifeless. "Could we talk?" Rebecca asked, afraid of what Michaela's answer would be.

"That would be nice," Michaela agreed and she went and sat on the edge of her bed.

Rebecca joined her there, pleased that Michaela had agreed. "Michaela can you tell me what has you so upset?"

Already the tears were forming in Michaela's eyes. Feeling safe in Rebecca's company she let them fall. Rebecca soothingly rubbed her back encouraging Michaela to lay her head in her lap. Though she wanted Michaela to share what was causing her the hurt, Rebecca waited patiently afraid to press her for information. After a few minutes Michaela willingly began to share, a sense of urgency in her voice.

"It hurts so badly," Michaela cried. "How can it hurt so badly? I just want to make the pain go away but nothing helps. I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to be angry but that doesn't help either."

Rebecca smiled down at the back of Michaela's head as thoughts of her own first love returned to her. "Sweetie, it won't always hurt like this. You just need to give yourself time."

"But I thought he was the one," Michaela chocked out surprising herself at her own admission. Rebecca suppressed a chuckle at her sister's immaturity.

"We often think the first guy we fall for is our dream come true but I doubt they ever are," Rebecca said, her tone light and uplifting.

"But I loved him," Michaela continued to cry, again surprised that she had used those words to refer to Sully.

"No, sweetie, you didn't love him. I'm sure you think you did but well love is so much more than what we ever think when we're younger. You'll see in time that what you felt wasn't really love. It was infatuation."

"What's that?" asked Michaela sitting up and drying her tears.

"It's when we focus on someone so much that nothing else seems to matter. It starts with a look or a touch and then you feel incredibly wonderful every time you see that person or even think about that person. You idealize that person but rarely do they live up to that ideal." Rebecca stopped now and watched her sister who was obviously thinking about everything Rebecca had just said. After a moment, she asked, "He let you down didn't he?"

"Yes," Michaela answered.

"I am so sorry, he hurt you Michaela," Rebecca sympathized. "But I promise in time you'll feel better. And someday you will meet that special person who you will truly love."

"How do you know when it's love?" Michaela asked still trying to sort out her feelings.

"Ah, you aren't asking the easy questions today, are you?" Rebecca smiled at her younger sister. "Love is more than just a feeling. It is a commitment to stand beside that person no matter what. It's not about kisses or touches, though that is part of it. Love is when you look at the other person and see the best in them – the best that they can be. Love is a trust that no matter what life brings your way, you'll not forsake one another," Rebecca stopped here sighing loudly. "Oh, it's so hard to explain Michaela. I don't know that I am doing it justice. I hate to sound cliché but well you just sort of know."

Michaela smiled at her sister. "It's okay. Things are never very easy, are they?"

"No, I guess not," Rebecca agreed. "Do you feel any better?"

"A little," Michaela said willing her statement to be true. Honestly she wasn't sure she really did feel any better but maybe Rebecca was right and she just needed time.

"Why don't we go down and get some cookies and milk?" Rebecca suggested.

"Thanks, Rebecca but I really am not very hungry," said Michaela.

"Michaela you can't stay in your room forever; you have to face Marjorie sometime. I know it hurt your feelings when Thomas chose her over you but she is your sister. Trust me boys will come and go."

Michaela almost laughed at this statement. Is this what everyone in the house thought? She was trying to avoid Marjorie for stealing Thomas. She realized that only Sully knew why she was really upset. And the thought of Sully sent her back into her depression.

**

* * *

****Boston - February 12, 1847**

Throughout the rest of January, Michaela had really tried to put Rebecca's advice into practice but any thought of Sully was enough to send her off to her room crying again. As February dawned, she decided Rebecca's advice wasn't really working and she set about to work through her feelings in a more logical fashion. She started by looking up the definition of infatuation in the dictionary. It had read "A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction." Next she had looked up the definition of love. It had read "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." After reading those she had sat down and made a list of the ways she thought about Sully. Every time she kept coming back to the last words of the dictionary definition of love – a sense of underlying oneness. Never before had someone so instinctively known her like Sully seemed to. There was still a great deal of hurt and anger about what had occurred over New Year's but Michaela could not convince herself that she had merely been infatuated with Sully. She was positive she loved him. Was it possible that he loved her as well?

No longer did the hurt and anger restrain her but rather the fear of his rejection. Rebecca's conversation with her had served to convince her that what she felt for Sully was more than she even imagined. Was it possible to be so young and feel so much? She knew everyone around her would tell her she was being silly – love is for grown-ups but again the definition came back to her – love is a sense of underlying oneness.

Somehow she needed to get back to Sully but after over a month of ignoring him she wasn't sure how to accomplish this. As her birthday approached she became more desperate and several times at the beginning of February she had actually spoken to him but each episode had been brief. But today was the day that she would make everything all right. As soon as the carriage brought her home from school, she made a beeline for the library where she knew Sully would be doing his homework. Marjorie had been sick that day and had stayed home but that thought was the furthest thing from Michaela's mind. Rushing in the front door, she dropped her books and ran to the library. Without knocking she entered. Sully was seated at Josef's desk and Marjorie had propped herself on top of Josef's desk near Sully. They were talking and laughing. Michaela's heart hurt not because of jealousy but to see that Sully had achieved their relationship with someone else.

Sully was the first to notice her. "Michaela," he said surprised to see her there. "How was school?"

Michaela stared at the two of them and even though her heart was thoroughly resigned to patch things up with Sully, her tongue seemed to have a mind of its own. "Super! And how was your day?" Her tone was biting.

Sully was almost afraid to answer. Michaela had only begun speaking to him a short while ago and he knew their relationship was tentative at best. "It was okay," he said in a small voice glancing at Marjorie.

"And Marjorie how was your day at school? Oh that's right you were sick but you seem to be feeling much better now," Michaela said her eyes shooting fire at her sister whose change in attitude toward Sully had unnerved her. No one spoke for a moment and Sully and Marjorie exchanged another nervous glance. "Don't worry I'll leave the two of you alone!" Michaela yelled slamming the library door behind her. Quickly she took the steps two at a time, racing up to her room to hide behind her door once more.

Just as she started to slam the door, a foot entered her room impeding her. "Go away," she screamed not even bothering to notice who the foot belonged to. Marjorie pushed the door open the rest of the way. "I'm not going away. I have something I want to say to you and I'm going to say it!" Michaela walked over and sat on her bed turning her back to Marjorie. "Look, I don't understand exactly why you are so mad at Sully but don't you think it's time you let it go! For goodness sake Michaela it has been over a month."

"Why do you care? Seems like Sully has taken up just fine with you."

"Michaela, stop being ridiculous!"

"Oh so now I'm being ridiculous. What were you two doing in the library?"

"What do you think we were doing? Kissing? Talking about you? Michaela you are so stupid. I was helping him with his Latin which you used to help him with before you decided to treat him like dirt."

"You don't know anything Marjorie! I have good reason to treat him anyway I want to."

Marjorie wanted to yell at her sister but she didn't. Instead she took a calming breath and walked around to look Michaela in the eye. "Why? Cause he won't tell you what happened to me.

"It's not fun being kept in the dark, everybody knows except for me."

"I didn't want you to know. I asked Sully not to tell anyone and he kept his word."

"It doesn't matter," Michaela sighed turning away again.

"I don't think that's why you're really mad at him anyway. Is it because he kissed Thomas' sister?"

Michaela responded without thinking, "He didn't kiss her, she kissed him!" When the reality of what she had just said hit her she panicked. "I mean.." her mind raced trying to think of something to say.

"I know what you mean. I overheard your fight on New Year's Eve."

"What?" Michaela asked, panic continuing to build in her chest.

"I know," Marjorie said.

"You don't know anything," Michaela returned.

"I do. Thomas told me – I know." Michaela looked at Marjorie, her eyes were wide with fear.

"Are you going to say anything?" Michaela asked.

"Why should I? I mean sure I think it's a little weird but well you've never been what I'd call normal." Michaela frowned at her. "Sully isn't so bad. He really is a good person. He kept my secret even though it caused trouble between you two. I'm going to keep his secret too."

Michaela sat there staring at Marjorie as if she had just grown an extra head. "What happened to my sister? She was here a minute ago."

"Hey, look I'm still my same cruel self. I could have told you this weeks ago and brought your turmoil to an end but I didn't and even now I was having a little fun with you before I admitted I knew." Marjorie gave a little laugh but Michaela still didn't look convinced. "Listen, you are going to have to tell Father and Mother sometime unless it's really over," she looked at Michaela trying to get some sort of comment out of her. Michaela remained quiet and motionless. Marjorie walked over to the door. "Hey, it's not my secret to tell so don't worry. Of course you might want to stay on my good side."

Michaela looked up at Marjorie and shook her head as a small smile formed on her lips. "Thank you," she whispered.

"He's still in the library," Marjorie said as she opened the door and left.

* * *

Quickly, Michaela made her way down the stairs praying silently that things would go well. The library door was open when she got there but Sully was not inside. Even though she knew it was irrational, despair overtook her at his absence. On the window seat, Sully had left one of his sketchbooks. Walking over to it, she lightly ran her fingers over the cover. She picked it up and pressed it close to her heart wishing that it could fill the gaping hole that still existed there. Silently the tears began to fall again. She sat down on the window seat and randomly opened the book. The eyes that stared back at her were her own. The picture was her seated sideways on the window seat her back resting on the bookcase, just like she was doing now. A single tear drop fell onto the picture and she hastily tried to wipe it away.

"Don't cry on my picture," Sully said. Michaela looked up. She hadn't even heard him come in.

"Sorry," she said hastily closing the book and placing it back where she had found it. Before she knew what was happening Sully was at her side, running his fingers lightly through her hair.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered.

"My birthday is not for a couple days," Michaela replied.

"I know that but ya just saw your gift."

"What?"

"That picture you were looking at. That was my preliminary sketch. I painted it for ya in oils and your father had it framed."

"Oh, Sully," she exclaimed and turned her head to rest against his stomach as unbidden tears fell again.

"Why are ya cryin'?" Sully asked lightly pressing her closer to him.

"Because I want to forget all about you and the way I feel about you. Rebecca said first love never lasts. That it is just infatuation and that eventually you get over it and move on. But everyday I see you and everyday I miss you more and more. And I feel so empty inside."

"Me too," Sully said weakly.

"You want to forget about me too?" Michaela asked scaring herself in the process.

"No, I feel empty inside," Sully replied.

"Empty because you don't feel that sense of underlying oneness anymore?" Michaela asked remembering the dictionary definition.

"What?" Sully said confused by her question.

Michaela actually let out a small laugh. "I've been reading the dictionary again."

Sully smiled down at her and shook his head. "I think Rebecca's wrong. I know what everyone thinks – we're just kids. Maybe we found each other earlier than most people do and maybe that means we're going to have a harder road to walk but I mean it when I say the way I feel about you ain't gonna change."

Michaela looked up now into Sully's eyes. "How do you feel about me Sully?"

"Like everyday that were apart like this is a wasted day."

"Is that all?" Michaela asked silently willing him to say what she so badly needed to hear.

Sully dropped his hands to his side and stared down at her. He lowered himself down in front of her on the window seat. "No but I'm scared to say the next part."

"Why?"

"Cause ya might laugh at me or ya might turn away," Sully replied.

"Try me," Michaela said smiling weakly.

"I love you," Sully whispered bringing his hand up to push a strand of hair out of her face.

"Oh, Sully," Michaela exclaimed as she buried her head in his shoulder forgetting all the hurt and anger of the past month. She reveled in the warmth of his body for a moment before pulling back to look him in the eyes.

"How do ya feel about me?" Sully asked taking her hands in his.

"Like everyday we're apart is a wasted day."

"Is that all?" Sully asked smiling widely.

"Promise me you won't laugh at me or turn away," she said repeating his words from earlier.

"Promise," Sully agreed.

"I love you," Michaela whispered feeling the hole in her heart closing or possibly not closing but certainly being filled.

"I know we agreed not to kiss and touch," Sully began.

"But we've been apart for over a month," Michaela said. "I think we could make exceptions for special occasions and it is my birthday soon."

"So I gotta wait til your birthday to kiss ya?" Sully asked.

"Let's pretend it's my birthday," Michaela said a crooked grin forming around her mouth.

"But what if someone walks in?" Sully said anxiously looking over at the door.

"Mother is still out. Father is still at work. Harrison or Martha would knock first."

"Marjorie is here," Sully reminded her.

"Well," Michaela said raising her eyebrows at Sully.

"What?"

"She already knows."

"What?" Sully asked as panic took over.

"She overheard our fight and I guess Thomas told her also. Don't worry. She says it's our secret and she won't tell."

"Do we trust her?"

"I guess we have to. Besides I have a feeling she's keeping it because of you."

"Really?"

"Hey are you stalling here?"

"Sorry," Sully smiled. Gently he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. Michaela's eyes were wide open but she gently closed them as he drew closer. Gently he pressed his lips upon hers as he placed a light kiss on her softness. Pulling back he looked at her and felt lost in her eyes. Suddenly her words from earlier seemed to make sense; a sense of underlying oneness – that was exactly what he felt.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, March 1865**

Brian opened his eyes as the sun was just peeking over the horizon feeling the overwhelming need to visit the privy. Quickly, he jumped out of bed, pulling the curtain to the side and headed for the door but the sight he encountered halted him in his tracks. There on Dr. Mike's bed he saw Sully sitting up asleep and Dr. Mike asleep with her head in his lap. This confused him and he started to wake Colleen but he remembered the reason why he had got up and decided to take care of that first.

Sully opened his eyes as the door closed, smiling to himself. "Michaela," he called looking down at her. "Michaela."

"Hmm," she said as she stirred. The heat of Sully's body against hers brought back all that had happened in the past few days and the proceeding night. Quickly she sat up.

"Good morning," she said shyly. "I didn't expect you to still be here."

"I promised you I wouldn't leave until you fell asleep. Looks like I fell asleep too."

"I guess we better get up before one of the children sees us," she said blushing now.

"Too late for that," he responded.

"What?"

"Brian just went outside to use the privy but he saw us before he left." Michaela's blush deepened and she hastily got off the bed. "Michaela, we weren't doin' anything wrong. Just sleepin'."

"I know but it doesn't look right and Brian is so young. He might tell someone how he found us."

"Are ya worryin' about what other people think?" Sully's eyes clouded over as he asked the question.

"Oh Sully," Michaela said feeling bad for making him doubt her. "No, I don't care what anyone thinks. I just don't want the children to think we were being improper."

"It's hard to be improper when you're fully dressed," Sully said grinning at her. Michaela bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Then she turned to start getting breakfast ready.

A minute later, Brian returned to the house. "Why did ya sleep here last night Sully?"

Sully could see Michaela's discomfort clearly written on her face. "Cause Dr. Mike and you all have been goin' through a rough time and I needed to be here."

Colleen popped her face out of the curtain. "Sully?" she asked disoriented by his voice.

"It's me Colleen," Sully answered watching Michaela busy herself with making oatmeal.

"Why are ya here so early?" she asked but before he could answer Matthew walked in the door.

"Sully?" he asked also surprised by his presence.

Sully laughed. "Listen, Dr. Mike and I had a lot of things to discuss last night and we stayed up real late talking."

"Cause ya had that fight?" Brian asked with all the innocence of a six year old.

"Right," Michaela said finally turning towards the groups now huddled around Sully.

"Hope ya all don't mind me bein' here cause I gotta a feeling I'm gonna be here more often," Sully said looking at the three children.

"Why?" Colleen asked.

Sully looked over at Michaela. "Cause me and Michaela are gonna be courting."

Matthew smiled and let out a little laugh. "Fine by me," he said.

Colleen had already stepped to the side to wrap her arms around Michaela. "Fine with me too," she said happily.

"Why ya gonna be courtin'?" Brian asked. "Do ya love Dr. Mike?"

Michaela dropped her eyes refusing to look at Sully, as a fear she hadn't allowed herself to feel began to spread throughout her body. They had come so far last night but they hadn't spoken about love. She held her breath waiting to see what Sully would say.

Sully took a deep breath feeling just as scared as Michaela. Several times last night he had wanted to say those three little words to her but fear of rejection had held him back. Now he screwed up his courage and boldly spoke what he felt deep inside. "Yes, Brian, I love her. I always have."

Michaela looked up at him and smiled as all of her fears were washed away by those simple words.

"And you love Sully?" Brian asked turning towards Michaela.

"Yes, sweetheart. I love Sully," she said her eyes locked with Sully's as she lost herself in the underlying sense of oneness that still connected their hearts.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Twenty- nine**

**Boston – February 12, 1847**

A full winter moon looked down on Boston, emitting its pale yellow beams on the sleepy city. A light fog had settled through the streets, curling up against houses making the inhabitants thankful to be inside. Marjorie stood at her window looking out at the blurred orb in the night sky and thinking about Michaela and Sully. When she had first come to realize that Sully and Michaela's relationship was not that of brother and sister, it had been hard to imagine. The month of separation hadn't helped matters. If it hadn't been for Michaela's propensity for hiding out in her bedroom and Sully's brooding, she would never have guessed how miserable they both really were. Today had been eye opening for her and she wondered now how she had ever missed their connection before.

When she left Michaela's room, she had tried to wait before going down to them. But within half an hour her curiosity got the better of her and she descended to the library to see if they had made up. Opening the door after knocking, she found them seated on opposite ends of the window seat both working on homework. Marjorie had taken a seat at Josef's desk pretending to read while out of the corner of her eye she watched the two of them. Sully kept casually nudging Michaela's foot with his. She would look up from her book smiling shyly exchanging a secret look with him before both of them would once again return to their work. As if it was a game of tag, now it was Michaela's turn to gently nudge his foot. Marjorie smiled to herself as she watched. The real surprise though had been their behavior for the rest of the night in front of Josef and Elizabeth. They never touched once they were in the presence of the adults. If anything they both went out of their way to avoid even accidentally standing too close to one another. They didn't need to touch; Marjorie could see how they felt about one another in the looks they shared and the hushed words meant only for each other's ears. The way one side of Michaela's mouth curled up in a smile when Sully was speaking or the way Sully unconsciously raised his eyebrows when Michaela spoke.

How long had they felt this way about each other? How had she been so blind before? Did her parents suspect? How could they not suspect? Well, she hadn't suspected until someone pointed it out to her. Or maybe it was because she had never really seen love like this before. She knew her parents loved each other but to think about them like that felt weird. They weren't lovers, they were her parents. She thought about her sisters and their husbands. Out of all of them, only Charles stuck out in her mind. The way he doted over Maureen and looked at her so adoringly reminded her of Sully. Although she had never once seen Maureen smile at Charles the way Michaela smiled at Sully. A small star twinkled in the sky, its light pushing through the light fog to reach Marjorie. She sighed as she spotted the star and closed her eyes to make a wish; a wish that someday somebody would adore her like that.

* * *

Sully rolled over on his bed still unable to sleep. Today had seemed like a dream and part of him feared that if he closed his eyes and slept, he may wake to find it really had been a dream. The moon was so big tonight, it reminded him of Michaela. She would look so beautiful standing in the pale light with her hair flowing down her back. He closed his eyes and smiled thinking about her hair and then her hands and then her lips. Shaking his head, he stopped himself. Though his thoughts were still innocent, he knew they would take him places he should not go and then the desire to act on those thoughts would be even greater. Being patient was hard when you had been away from someone for what felt like an eternity. If they were both grown, he would go to her right now and bury his face in the crook of her neck so that he could inhale her scent. 

Sully sat up in bed and reached for the sketchbook he had left on the bedside table. Flipping open the pages, he winced at the pain he saw etched on the tablet. From years of living with his mother, he had learned how to pretend to be happy even when he wasn't. His mother had always seemed so sad that he couldn't bear to contribute to her sadness so he always put on a smile even when he felt like crying. Then he had no outlet for his frustration but now he had found one, his art. The month that Michaela had banished him had been extremely painful but instead of shutting himself away as she had done, he had drawn and painted and sketched and cried until every pore of his body felt exhausted and he could finally slip off to sleep. The pictures were frightening to Sully now that he no longer was in that frame of mind. He had the desire to get rid of them and he decided to throw the whole book into the fire. Slowly he got out of bed and crossed the room to the fireplace holding the book in both of his hands. Yet some force stopped him from burning the book and eventually he put it on his desk and returned to bed. Maybe he would need to remind himself someday of what it felt like to be without Michaela and he would look at those pictures and see his own personal hell. Or maybe Michaela needed to see those pictures to understand what he had been going through. If she asked him, he knew his words would not be adequate but those pictures would tell her all she needed to know.

Rolling over on his side, a small star caught his attention as it twinkled out of the light fog at him. He smiled to himself as he watched the star thinking that maybe Michaela was looking out of her window at that same star. Closing his eyes, he made a wish that nothing would ever come between Michaela and him again.

* * *

Michaela finished reading the last few lines of _Julius Caesar _for school the next day. Closing the book, she placed it upon her bedside table and turned down the lamp. A sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she settled down into her bed. In a few days it would be her fourteenth birthday but no gift could compare to what Sully had given her this afternoon. Once she had figured out that what she felt for him was love, her only thought had been what if he didn't feel the same. Knowing now that he did, filled her with such complete happiness that she wasn't sure she would be able to sleep. Wondering what Sully was doing right now, she rose and went to her window. Craning her neck she could just make out his window. The window was dark so he was most likely already asleep. 

Looking up into the night sky, the moon caught her attention. It was so round and so close that she felt that she could almost reach out and touch it. Or maybe it was the feeling that she could fly to it because Sully loved her; nothing seemed impossible suddenly. Yet even now doubts kept sneaking back into her mind - insecurities about the past month. Why had Sully not just told her what had happened to Marjorie? If he had, they might have patched things up much earlier. And what exactly had happened to Marjorie? Pretending not to care and really not caring were two different things. She could feel her curiosity building again. If she asked Sully now, would he tell her? Would her asking cause a fight? That was the last thing she wanted and so no matter how bad she desired to know she would have to live without knowing. One more thing bothered her- Sully's behavior over the past month. Had he missed her as much as she had missed him? Had Marjorie replaced her for a short time? And if she was that easily replaced, could it happen again? Taking a deep breath, she started back to bed trying to decide what subjects to broach with Sully and which ones to leave alone. Her father always told her that sometimes you have to pick your battles and this was definitely one of those cases.

Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she could just make out one small star shining fiercely through the fog. The desire to make a wish overcame her but she shook it off deciding that was childish. Yet as she lay down, she couldn't help closing her eyes and whispering these words into the night "Please don't let me be replaceable to Sully."

* * *

"Elizabeth, are you asleep?" Josef asked. 

"Not now," Elizabeth said rolling onto her side to see him better. "Why?"

"What do you think happened this afternoon?" he said pushing himself up on his elbow.

"God only knows," Elizabeth returned with a touch of sarcasm.

Josef continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I was sitting outside in the carriage literally dreading coming inside. I couldn't believe it when I opened the library door to find all three of them in there doing homework. Michaela and Sully actually speaking to one another. I almost checked to make sure I had entered the right house." Josef let out a little laugh at his last line.

Elizabeth didn't find it amusing. "I know Josef. You've told me this story three times since dinner."

"Sorry. I can't help it. It's so great to see Mike back to her old self and to have Sully stop brooding all the time. In addition to that they both seem to be getting along with Marjorie. I feel like a child at Christmas who just received everything they ever wanted." Josef finished and laid his head back down on his pillow contentedly. "Elizabeth aren't you happy?"

"Of course I am. I told you time would heal everything."

"And it has. But certainly something else must have happened."

"Perhaps," said Elizabeth. "But you know how children are- upset one minute and fine the next."

Josef turned back on his side to study Elizabeth. Gently he brought his hand to rest on top of hers. "Elizabeth, they really aren't children anymore. Marjorie will have her coming out in just a few short months. Our baby is going to be fourteen in two days and well Sully…" he drifted off.

"Sully still needs to be adopted," Elizabeth said.

"I know. I'll talk to him this week. It was hard to discuss with things being so difficult between him and Michaela but now that everything is settled, I'm sure he will readily agree to it."

"What if he doesn't?" Elizabeth asked feeling a sense of uneasiness building in her chest.

"Oh Elizabeth, please tell me you aren't going to bring up the Sully and Mike thing again."

"I'm not. I simply want things settled once and for all. There is no reason to put off the adoption any longer."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Josef said giving her hand a gentle pat. "Good night," he said closing his eyes.

"Good night," Elizabeth returned rolling over on her side turning her back towards Josef. The uneasiness from earlier had only intensified and it was making her feel ill. If only she could shake this feeling. Today's events had confused her. She had been convinced that Michaela had been upset over Thomas but to find her back to her old self after patching things up with Sully, worried Elizabeth. Whether or not Josef saw it, there was something there. Possibly the two of them didn't even know it but in either case it needed to be stopped now. Once they were officially brother and sister, she would be able to relax she told herself. Their closeness would not look so odd to the prying eyes of Beacon Hill if everyone thought they were only brother and sister. Still Elizabeth could not shake the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her eyes looked over at the window. The moon appeared funny shining through the fog leaving an ominous glow in the sky. Her eyes thought she saw a small star trying to shine its own light through the fog but as quickly as it had come it was gone. She remembered when her grandfather had told her as a child that a star can only grant so many wishes and then it burns out. "I guess that little star is all wished out," she whispered but noone heard as Josef was already fast asleep.

**

* * *

****Boston - February 13, 1847**

All day in school Michaela had a hard time concentrating. Her thoughts kept drifting to Sully. It didn't help that all the girls were talking about Valentine's Day. Would Sully get her something? Should she get him something? And then there were still the other things rattling around in her head – Marjorie's secret and her being replaced. Decisions had to be made in regards to what to talk to Sully about; whether to satisfy her curiosity or put to rest her insecurities.

As she arrived home from school that day, she still was no closer to making a decision. Sully was waiting for her on the front steps as she alighted from the carriage with Marjorie right behind her.

"Good afternoon Sully," Marjorie said as she passed.

"Afternoon," Sully returned with a smile before looking expectantly at Michaela. "Good afternoon," he said standing so that his eyes were even with hers. "Did ya have a good day?"

Michaela smiled back meeting his gaze. "Uh-huh," she uttered as she bit her bottom lip.

"I know it's kind of cold but do ya wanna walk down to the Common with me?" Sully asked.

"Right now?"

"Sure."

"But what about our homework?" Michaela asked suddenly feeling jittery inside.

"It ain't goin' anywhere. We can do it when we get back."

"Mother?" Michaela questioned.

"Not here," he said.

"Why do you want to go to the Common?"

"I wanna show ya something and I'd like to be somewhere I know we won't be interrupted," Sully answered. Michaela's interest was piqued. She looked down and noticed he was carrying one of his sketch pads.

"Okay," she consented. "Just let me put my books in the house." Quickly she disappeared inside the door, returning just moments later. They set off for the Common, walking briskly to stay off the cold. Having Michaela this close made Sully wish he could take her hand or run his fingers through her hair but he didn't dare. A comfortable silence had settled between them and they both walked on lost in their own thoughts of each other. When they arrived at the Common, they set off for the same grove of trees they had visited on Sully's birthday. The thought of that afternoon made them both tingle with pleasant memories. Yet Sully quickly dismissed this from his mind. Patience he reiterated to himself; he needed to be patient.

"So?" Michaela said as they stepped into the trees which at least shielded them from the wind.

"Umm.." Sully felt nervous. "I feel like there might still be some stuff we need to talk about." He looked over at Michaela trying to get a read on her expression.

"Me too," she said smiling widely.

"Ya happy bout that," he teased.

"Relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks that," Michaela returned. Sully looked at her but didn't say anything. "Are we going to talk about it?"

"Yeah," Sully said, still not sharing what he thought they needed to discuss.

"So?"

"Sorry. I just started thinking what if the things we both think we gotta talk about aren't the same things."

"What?" Michaela asked trying to figure out Sully's last statement.

"I don't wanna fight with ya," Sully replied. Michaela could see the fear in his eyes and she was glad that he was frightened of the same thing she was.

"Me either, Sully. But not talking isn't going to help."

"Right," Sully agreed. "So who wants to start?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "You said you wanted to show me something."

Sully looked down at the sketch book, neatly tucked under his left arm. "I ain't good at sayin' things like you are Michaela. This past month was horrible for me."

"For me too," Michaela reminded him. Silence settled between them as they both tried to think of how to continue. "At least you had Marjorie," Michaela said meekly.

"Marjorie?" Sully looked at her.

"To talk to and stuff," Michaela said meeting his gaze wondering if he could see the hurt she still felt.

Sully furrowed his brow as he considered her. "I would gladly have gone back to being invisible to her if it meant I wasn't invisible to you. Here," he said thrusting his sketch book at her suddenly. Michaela took it in her hands but did not open it. "Go ahead, open it. I want you to understand how I felt the last month."

Michaela slowly opened to the first page taking in everything that was drawn there. She turned to the second and the third, feeling the depth of despair etched on the pages. The colors were dark. The figures heavily shaded. Shadows crept out from the corners of the pictures ready to engulf the viewer. The pictures were of familiar places but all life seemed gone from them. The Common, Anna's house, the backyard – all dark and lifeless. What she saw would have frightened her if she had not felt that she was looking into her own soul.

"I had to hide the way I felt for a long time. My ma was always sad after my dad died. I always thought that if I was sad too it would be too much for her. I guess in the end it didn't matter but …" Sully drifted off scared that Michaela still hadn't said anything.

Finally, she raised her head. Tears were in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered closing the sketch book.

"For what?" Sully asked.

"For being as miserable as I was," she said laughing as she realized how selfish that sounded.

Sully smiled at her. "Okay, so your turn," he said.

Michaela knew it was now or never and so she screwed up her courage. "Why didn't you tell me Marjorie's secret?"

"Cause I told Marjorie I wouldn't tell ya," he answered plainly.

"But if you had told me, I would have understood and we wouldn't have been apart for so long." She regretted the words as soon as they rolled off her tongue. Had she really just blamed him for their month of separation?

"Is that what ya really think?" he asked his eyes cutting to her very core.

"No," she said hastily. "I know I pushed you away."

"Thomas tried to force himself on her," Sully announced out of the clear blue.

"What?" Michaela asked unsure if she had just heard the big secret or not.

"I heard her scream. I thought it was you."

"And you stopped him? That's how you got injured?" Sully nodded his head. Without thinking Michaela threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry," she said. "But why did you tell me now?"

"Yesterday, Marjorie told me I could tell you if I wanted to."

"She is really starting to creep me out," Michaela said pulling back from Sully.

"I know," he said. "It's like she is a different person. But well maybe somethin' like what happened to her really can change you."

"At least open your eyes," Michaela said. "Sully, I feel so much better."

"Me too," he said. "Guess we better head home before Elizabeth sends the bloodhounds after us."

Michaela laughed. "Alone at the Common unchaperoned," she said dramatically. "Oh, the shame of it all." She covered her eyes with one of her hands and pretended to swoon.

It was now Sully's turn to laugh. "Come on, let's go." Together they started back across the Common their hearts lighter then they had been on the walk there.

"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day," Michaela mentioned trying to sound nonchalant.

"So?" Sully teased.

"So sometimes when people have feelings for someone, they give them a card or a present," Michaela replied.

"And do ya have someone in mind that you have feelings for?" Sully asked trying to keep a straight face.

"Sully," Michaela said hitting him playfully on the arm. He laughed but said nothing else. Michaela was frustrated by his silence. "Are we going to do anything?" she asked.

"Too risky," Sully said. "Elizabeth is gonna be in full snoop mode tomorrow."

"True," Michaela said sighing.

"Lots more Valentine's Days coming up in the future," Sully said as he picked up their pace.

"True," agreed Michaela but the disappointment could be sensed in her voice.

**

* * *

****Boston – February 14, 1847**

Michaela sat in the carriage waiting for Marjorie to emerge from the house. She was forever running late and Michaela was growing impatient. Finally, she appeared on the steps still buttoning her cloak and pulling on her gloves against the winter chill.

"Come on," Michaela yelled out the door. "You are going to make us late."

Marjorie ran to the carriage and climbed inside. "It's not my fault this time," she said hastily shutting the door behind her as the carriage set off. Michaela rolled her eyes and gave a little shake of her head. "Well, if you are going to be that way," Marjorie replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm late because I'm playing Cupid," she said holding a card out to Michaela. Michaela reached for it but Marjorie snatched it back to her chest. "Uh-uh, not after the way I've been treated."

"Marjorie," Michaela whined anxious to see what was in her hands.

"If you ask nicely."

"Would you please let me see that card?" Michaela said in her sweetest voice.

"Maybe a little groveling," Marjorie added a grin forming on her lips.

"I am extremely sorry for yelling at you for being late," Michaela said rather insincerely.

"Is that the best you can do?" Marjorie asked. Michaela groaned. "Okay, here you go but tell your little beau I'm not a carrier pigeon." Michaela quickly snatched the card from her hand smiling at Marjorie's use of the word beau. Sully had used pastels to recreate the moon overlooking the river. It was beautiful and Michaela sat just admiring the time Sully had put into it. "Aren't you going to open it?" Marjorie said interrupting her solitude.

"I'm getting there," Michaela said. Inside Sully had drawn a heart with the letters M and S in the middle of it. Michaela traced the two letters with her finger as a sense of great happiness flowed through her.

Marjorie was peaking over her shoulder. "He didn't even write anything in it," she exclaimed.

"He doesn't need to write anything," Michaela defended. She closed the card. "This is our moon and our river," she said showing the outside to Marjorie.

"Sure," Marjorie responded.

"Never mind, you wouldn't understand anyway," Michaela said. Yet even her sister couldn't ruin the joy she felt deep inside. She opened the card over and over throughout the day each time tracing the letters on the heart as she etched them into her memory. Smiling she couldn't wait for this afternoon when she could give Sully her own card.

**

* * *

****Philadelphia – February 14, 1858**

Michaela trudged home from the library, her arms full of books. It was Valentine's Day but with Sully across the country she wasn't looking forward to it. Instead she planned to get a head start on her reading for the next week, hence the library visit. Robert had invited Miriam out to dinner and the opera and Michaela knew that she secretly hoped that tonight he might ask her to marry him. Letting out a sigh, she let her mind drift to Sully. It had only been a little over a month since she had last seen him but it seemed as if each goodbye was becoming harder and harder. To make matters worse, she had no idea when she would see him again. Shaking her head, she resolved not to think about Sully or she knew tonight would end in her crying herself to sleep.

She was still about a block away from her residence when a familiar form caught her attention. Shielding her eyes from the last rays of a bright winter sun, she tried to make out the person but his back was towards her. It looked like Sully but that couldn't possibly be – he was in Colorado. Quickening her pace, she tried not to get her hopes up. It was probably a suitor waiting for another girl who lived in the same building as Michaela. Suddenly he turned around and she knew. Her legs could not carry her fast enough as she moved towards him.

"Sully," she called as she was only feet from him now.

"Michaela," he said a wide smile on his face.

"I'm not dreaming am I?" she asked.

"No," he said taking the books from her arms. "I'm really here."

"But how?'

"There is this thing called a train and you get on it and it takes you places," Sully teased.

"Sully," she said playfully slapping his arm. He stopped and looked at her, longing to take her in his arms.

"Can we get rid of these so I can take ya somewhere?" he asked indicating the books. "I mean unless ya have other plans for the evening."

She pointed to the books. "These were my plans."

"Can ya break 'em?" he asked raising his eyebrows at her. "I mean I wouldn't wanna keep ya from studyin'."

"I think I can make an exception for tonight," she said taking the books from him again as she ran inside. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder. A few minutes later she emerged from the building. Her hair was down now, the way she knew Sully like it. "Where are we going? Do I need to change my dress?" she asked.

"Ya look beautiful just like you are," Sully said. "But I do have one request."

"What?" she said.

He took her hand and pulled her off the street around the corner of the building. Sully raised his hand to just below her neck fingering the chain he knew she wore underneath her top. "I want you to wear this tonight," he said as he reached under her collar to find the clasp and undo it. Gently he slid the necklace out of her collar and smiled at the ring that hung on the delicate chain. Taking it his hand, he held it up to her. Nervously, she reached out her hand to him as he slipped the ring on her finger. Looking down at her hand, she smiled. Sometimes when she was alone she would put on her engagement ring and just stare at it but somehow it meant so much more to wear it with Sully standing next to her. "I figure no one knows us here," Sully said.

"It's worth the risk," Michaela added looking up into his eyes and seeing the same desire burning within them that burned in her heart. "Oh Sully," she cried slipping her arms inside of his coat and wrapping them around his back to draw him close.

"Michaela," he whispered staring down into her eyes. As always when they were first reunited after being apart, he kissed her gently pulling back slightly to gauge her reaction. Michaela's eyes were still closed and she lifted her chin slightly, inviting Sully to kiss her again. Dipping his head low, he placed a row of soft kisses to the side of her neck causing her to tingle with anticipation as he drew nearer to her mouth. As she felt his lips kiss the side of her mouth, she turned instinctively towards him covering his lips with her own. Michaela's knees felt weak and she leaned back against the building pulling Sully with her. Teasingly, he darted his tongue out of his mouth and pressed it firmly against her lips. Yet before she could open up to him, he had pulled away again.

"Sully," she whispered growing a little impatient. Her voice was thick with desire and he could resist her no longer. Her mouth opened to him as he covered her lips with his own. Their tongues found each other as Sully pressed his body against Michaela's enjoying the moment that he knew would have to end soon. Slowly he drew away from her, gasping for air as she began to place kisses to his neck and chest.

"When do you have to leave?" she asked in between kisses.

"Two days," he managed to gasp his body still reacting to Michaela's proximity.

"Happy Valentine's Day," she whispered against his ear.

Sully moved away from her and took her hand in his. Raising her hand to his lips, he gently placed a kiss to the engagement ring, "Happy Valentine's Day," Sully repeated.

**

* * *

****Boston- February 14, 1847**

When Sully and Michaela returned from school, they entered the library to steal a few private moments with each other before starting on their homework. To their surprise, Josef had arrived home early and was waiting for them just inside the door.

"Good afternoon and Happy Valentine's Day," he greeted them. Michaela hugged him briefly wondering at his presence. "Mike, if you don't mind excusing Sully and I for a minute I need to speak to him in private."

Michaela exchanged a worried expression with Sully. Instinctively she knew this was about the adoption. The past month had passed them by and they had not thought of it once. Even after being reunited, it had been the furthest thing from their minds.

"Sure," she answered stepping slowly to the door wishing there was something she could do. Could you fake something like appendicitis? Probably not she decided. Eventually she reached the library door and left the room as a sense of dread settled on her.

"Take a seat," Josef instructed Sully as he lowered himself into a chair. "Sully, I know we talked about our adopting you before Christmas and I just wanted to let you know I hadn't forgotten about it. Everything was so up in the air for awhile but now that things seemed to have returned to normal, well, I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about us adopting you?"

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty**

**Boston – February 14, 1847**

Sully had seen the look of panic as it crossed Michaela's face. He had watched her nervously walk to the library door. He had heard Josef's voice also revealing a slight nervousness. Yet somehow everything felt surreal. His entire body felt numb as the question slowly sank through the layers of his being. Placing one hand on top of the other one, he pinched the back of his hand trying to bring himself back to reality.

"Sully?" Josef asked watching Sully's face which had suddenly gone blank.

"I," Sully began but then stopped.

"I want you to be honest with me," Josef encouraged.

Sully looked at him and could see the eager anticipation mixed with fear. "Really?" Sully asked surprising himself at his own boldness.

"Of course, Sully. Above all things tell me the truth," he said his face clouding over. When Sully didn't answer he continued, "I know that sometimes the truth is not what we want to hear but it's always the best policy."

Sully considered what he had said. The freedom of speaking the truth about his relationship with Michaela would be refreshing. How do you tell a father that you love his daughter? How do you tell the man you consider your father that you love his daughter? It seemed impossible and even though Josef said he wanted to hear the truth, Sully still doubted that was the case. That is when the numbness left and despair set in. Visions of that home for orphans in New York ran through his head and he was sure that if he really told the truth that would be his destination. "I don't want to be adopted," Sully said meekly, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Josef had asked for the truth but now that it had been given to him, he wasn't sure what he should do. The desire for Sully to be his son was so great that he spoke without even thinking. "But Sully don't you like it here?"

"I do," Sully replied his face eager to communicate how much he liked it here.

"Marjorie has come around and things seem all patched up with Michaela. Why wouldn't you want us to adopt you?"

Sully shut his eyes for a moment, allowing the blackness to calm him. The time had come for a decision; family or Michaela? The thought of being Josef's son filled him with happiness but a lifetime of watching Michaela from afar, never again being able to touch her or talk to her except as her brother consumed him. What would it be like to watch Michaela with someone else? To see her give that special look to another man or to watch those soft lips kiss another person.

"Sully?" Josef's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Aren't you happy here?"

"Very happy," Sully muttered with a pained expression on his face.

"Then I don't understand," Josef admitted.

Suppressing the desire for a family, Sully called Michaela's face to mind. Fear rose up inside of him but he knew at that moment what he was willing to sacrifice for her. "If you want to send me to an orphanage I understand," Sully said quietly.

Josef felt the intensity of Sully's gaze upon him. "Do you want to go to an orphanage?"

"No, but I don't want to be adopted," Sully replied choking back panic reminding himself that this may be the only way Michaela and him would have a future.

"Sully, I …" Josef stopped suddenly as his words failed him. Josef Quinn was not someone who cried easily. Years of being a doctor and dealing with death and heartache had hardened him. But now looking across at Sully he felt a sense of rejection that caused tears to well up behind his eyes. After taking a moment to compose himself he spoke. "Sully I consider you my son."

"Ya are the only father I have ever really known," Sully said seeing the pain in Josef's eyes.

"I don't understand," Josef said. His eyes pleaded with Sully for an explanation.

Sully looked away feeling selfish. He knew he was hurting Josef and that was not his intention. Was it wrong to want a future with Michaela? "I'm sorry," Sully offered knowing that he could not do the one thing that would make Josef happy.

The forlorn words whispered by Sully snapped Josef out of his own selfish thoughts. He looked across at Sully and realized that what Anna had been trying to tell him. Josef had wanted the adoption so much that he had assumed that Sully did as well. He had been rather blind to anything but his own desires. Ignoring the confusion that still clawed at him, he rose and went to Sully kneeling down before him. "It's okay Sully. If you don't want the adoption that's fine but if you change your mind then know you can always come to me. My offer will stand."

Sully bit his bottom lip anxiously. "Are you going to send me away?" he asked.

"No," Josef exclaimed wrapping his arms around Sully and bringing him to his chest. "This will always be your home as long as you want it to be- adoption or no adoption."

"Thank you," Sully whispered as tears of relief slipped down his own cheeks. "Thank you," he said again.

"You are very welcome," Josef said pulling back now and putting on a smile. "Why don't you go join Michaela in the kitchen for an after school snack." Sully nodded before turning and running to the door. Two things ran through his mind. The first was pure elation at being able to stay here and not be adopted. The other was how miserable Michaela must be worrying about what was going on in the library. Wishing to end her misery he ran the rest of the way to the kitchen.

Josef rose from the floor and went to sit at his desk as Sully exited the room. He ran his hands back and forth over the cool wood savoring the sensation of the grain beneath his fingertips. Leaning back in his chair, he let out a slow deep breath and closed his eyes. Confusion clouded his mind. Sully loved him like a father but didn't want to be adopted. That simply didn't make sense. He should have pushed and made Sully explain himself. Elizabeth would want a reason- a valid reason.

Why wouldn't Sully want to be adopted? Was his past still haunting him? Of course it was. Watching your mother take her own life, trying to save her and then realizing you couldn't- Josef could not begin to fathom what that would be like. Maybe Sully felt it would be betraying his family to let Josef adopt him. Josef shook his head. It was ridiculous to try to come up with a reason; there could be numerous reasons but Sully hadn't given one. Yes, he should have made him give a reason but the look on Sully's face had been so resolved. Josef wasn't sure he ever would have gotten the reason out of him. Plus Sully volunteered to go to an orphanage even though you could tell that was the last thing he wanted. What was Sully holding back?

Josef was dreading telling Elizabeth. She would not like it one little bit. He knew she didn't think important decisions should be left up to children but Anna had been right. This was essentially Sully's decision. They made him an offer and they had to give him the freedom to say no if he chose to. The life that fate had handed Sully had made him grow up faster than other boys of his same age. He really wasn't a child anymore but rather a young man. Still, it was possible he would change his mind but Josef couldn't push. There would be no more talk of adoption unless Sully brought it up again. The question was how to tell Elizabeth without it turning into a major fight? Josef couldn't do it today. He needed time to think and prepare. Besides Valentine's Day and Mike's birthday should not be ruined by their bickering. He would wait until after then to tell her. Hopefully she wouldn't push the issue before he was ready to talk about it.

* * *

Sully slowed down as he rounded the kitchen door. Michaela was sitting at the small table where they always ate their afternoon snack folding her napkin into the tiniest square possible. Over by the counter, Martha was busy preparing something for dinner. Michaela looked up at him as he took a seat. He smiled to put her at ease knowing conversation would have to be limited for now.

"Hey, ya know that book I was reading?" asked Sully reaching over to take a cookie.

Michaela gave him a strange look before catching on. "Do you mean the one with the boy who was going to be sent away?"

"He's not going to be sent away," Sully said smiling at her.

"Oh," Michaela's face dropped for a second. "Because he agreed to go along with the plan?"

"No, he didn't agree. They're going to let him stay anyway," Sully said taking a bite of the cookie.

"But," Michaela began to question further. Sully watched Martha glance over at them.

"I got that book in the library. You can look at it for yourself later," Sully said trying to gesture with his eyes to indicate that Martha was listening.

Michaela gave a little nod. "Right, I can look at it later in the library," she repeated rather unnaturally as she also began to eat one of the cookies. The sound of the front door caught both of their attention and they turned as footsteps drew near to the kitchen.

"Good afternoon Michaela and Sully," said Elizabeth as she entered.

"Good afternoon Mother," said Michaela.

Sully jumped to his feet. "Good afternoon. I'll be right back," he said running out of the kitchen quickly. Michaela stared after him puzzled by his behavior.

"What was that about?" said Elizabeth.

"I don't know," said Michaela frowning.

Sully returned moments later with a card held tightly in his hands. "Happy Valentine's Day," he said as he handed the card to Elizabeth.

"Why Sully, this is so sweet of you." Elizabeth looked at the cover of the card. Sully had drawn a garden scene featuring roses. Elizabeth smiled as she opened the inside to find the words Happy Valentine's Day, Sully. "This is very nice. Thank you so much. Roses are my favorite," she said.

"I know," replied Sully, "that's why I drew 'em." Elizabeth smiled at his thoughtfulness and wondered if Josef had even remembered what today was. He really was a sweet child and once he was adopted things would be great.

"Michaela," Elizabeth said turning now to her daughter. "I have a special birthday treat for you."

Michaela looked over at her mother wondering just what she had planned. "You do?" she asked with a lack of excitement.

Elizabeth's excitement more than made up for Michaela's lack. "I hope you won't be upset with me for making plans without first talking to you," Elizabeth hesitated while Michaela's eyes glazed over knowing something dreadful was coming. "I have taken the liberty of inviting some friends over for your birthday."

"Seeing as I don't really have any friends, just who did you invite Mother?" Michaela boldly asked feeling annoyed that her mindless peers were being forced upon her.

"Sarah McNeil, Rachel Allen and Emily Blake. I was going to have it be a surprise but your father thought it might be best to tell you in advance."

"When is this party?" Michaela asked rolling her eyes as the word party left her lips.

"Tomorrow, on your birthday," said Elizabeth.

"I don't want a party," said Michaela flatly staring her mother in the face.

"You don't mean that."

"I do mean it – I don't want a birthday party," Michaela said pouting her bottom lip out like a small child might.

"Michaela come on and be reasonable," Elizabeth exclaimed casting a frustrating look at her daughter.

Michaela stood now almost level with her mother and stamped her foot angrily before flying out of the room. She pushed past a slightly stunned Elizabeth and ran through the foyer to her father's library. Busting through the door she began shouting at her father. "You have to tell mother that I don't want a birthday party."

"Mike, calm down," Josef said rising from his chair.

"She is forcing me to have a birthday party. She didn't even ask me if I wanted one. That is not fair," Michaela spoke quickly with fire flashing in her eyes.

Josef looked at her sternly. "Mike, people in this house have names and we will use them. She is your mother."

"Sorry," Mike muttered crossing her arms over her chest.

"Now, what is the problem with having a birthday party?"

"She… I mean mother invited girls over to the house to celebrate my birthday."

"Yes, I am aware but I'm not sure I see the problem," Josef said calmly.

"I don't want to celebrate my birthday with those girls," she exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"They don't like me."

"Sure, they do. Why would they agree to come if they didn't like you?" Josef tried to reason with her.

Now Michaela knew the answer to that one. They wanted to see Sully again. She tapped her foot lightly on the floor and breathed in deep angry breaths but said nothing.

"Mike your mother was trying to do something nice for you," Josef reminded her.

"No, she isn't. She is trying to make me miserable," Michaela said fighting back angry tears.

Josef chuckled at Michaela's statement. The laughter only made Michaela seethe more. "Mike, you don't believe that do you?" Michaela refused to answer. "Listen, I know your idea of the perfect birthday may not be having friends over but that is what most people do to celebrate. Your mother may not always understand what you desire but she is trying. We need to give her the benefit of the doubt." Still Michaela stood motionless glaring at the wall. "I know you and your mother don't always see eye to eye. You are going to clash from time to time but Mike you need to learn to pick your battles. Is a birthday party really worth fighting over? Remember, sometimes you have to.." Michaela interrupted her father.

"..lose a few battles in order to win the war," she sighed knowing that there was wisdom in her father's words.

"That's my girl," Josef said walking over to her and patting her lightly on the back. "Now, my advice would be an apology to your mother and then a grateful attitude."

Michaela groaned but nodded her head as she turned to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway. "I am sorry," she said weakly. "It was very nice of you to invite people over to help celebrate my birthday." Both sentences held very little sincerity.

"Your father's right Michaela. I don't live to make your life miserable. I really didn't think you would mind," she said putting forth an effort to make things right with Michaela. "It's only for afternoon tea."

Michaela softened a little and gave her mother a small smile. "Thank you," she said softly. Elizabeth came closer and wrapped her arms around Michaela. "You still are my baby," she crooned.

"Our baby," said Josef wrapping his arms around both of them so that Michaela was snuggled in between.

"But you are not a baby anymore," added Elizabeth smiling at Josef. "Before you know it, you'll have your coming out."

"Go off to college," offered Josef giving Elizabeth a look.

"Right, go off to college and medical school," she added wincing as if in pain.

Sully watched from the door feeling slightly empty. He didn't regret his decision to not be adopted but there was still a place inside of him that wished to be held like Michaela now was. A small sigh escaped his lips and he choked back tears for all he had lost. Michaela glimpsed Sully over her mother's shoulder and smiled at him. There was pain in his eyes and she wished she could take it away. As his eyes met hers, she looked right at him and said "I love you."

"We love you too," Josef responded but Sully knew Michaela had been talking to him.

* * *

Marjorie, Sully and Michaela were left on their own that night with Martha. Josef took Elizabeth out for Valentine's Day. He had not forgotten as Elizabeth had feared but rather had been planning for weeks to take her to the opera to see _Lucia di Lammermoor, _an Italian work by Donizetti. Elizabeth was overjoyed when Josef had told her shortly after the shared hug in the library and had spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready to go. They left promptly at seven and told Martha they would be home late.

Michaela and Sully were in their glory and retired to the library after dinner to do homework which had been neglected that afternoon. It was hard to concentrate on homework though knowing they were alone. Michaela sat at Josef's desk working on an essay while Sully figured geometry problems on the floor in front of the fire. Both were easily distracted and eventually Michaela gave up and joined Sully in front of the fire.

"Thank you for my valentine," she said as Sully put away his homework things as well.

"You're welcome," Sully replied smiling over at her.

"I have something for you too," said Michaela producing a valentine and handing it to Sully.

"Thanks." Sully took the valentine and looked down at it. The paper was in the shape of a heart with words written inside of it. Sully read the words to himself and looked up at Michaela who was blushing.

"I know it's different but it just seemed to fit. We were in chapel at school the other day and the reading was from Song of Songs. I thought of you and how you told me we have to be patient and wait. I thought it sounded like they had been waiting and he was telling her that now their time had come," Michaela stopped and cast a nervous glance at Sully. "Would you read it to me?"

Sully nodded and picked up the heart. Michaela closed her eyes as Sully read the words aloud. "My beloved spoke, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away."

"Someday I want you to say those words to me – Arise my love, my fair one and come away." Michaela's eyes remained closed as she spoke. "That's what I thought when I heard that passage read."

"Someday, I will say that to you," Sully began but the door of the library opened interrupting them. Martha entered as Sully hastily hid the valentine.

"There you two are," Martha said. "Are you working on homework?" she asked.

"Sort of," Michaela replied.

"Well I have orders to have you in bed before too late so let's try to finish up in the next thirty minutes."

"Yes, Martha," they both said in unison as she exited leaving the door open.

"Elizabeth's spy no doubt," said Michaela once she was sure Martha was out of earshot.

"You don't know that Michaela."

"She left the door open Sully. I can hear mother now: Don't let Michaela and Sully be alone together for too long."

"It is rather improper," Sully said grinning at her.

Michaela laughed. "Speaking of proper - I am dreading my birthday tomorrow."

"Ya shouldn't," advised Sully.

"That's easy for you to say. You aren't having tea with my new friends," Michaela said sarcastically.

"Actually, I think the whole family will be here for tea with your friends," Sully informed her.

"Oh, thank God, at least it will be bearable. Except for the fact that those three girls will be making eyes at you all afternoon," Michaela frowned.

"Are ya jealous?" teased Sully. "Cause I was thinkin' it might not be a bad idea to play up to one of 'em."

"Why?" Michaela asked.

"Ya know make Elizabeth think I like one of 'em."

"I don't know," Michaela said doubtfully. "That was the plan I had for Thomas and look how that turned out."

"True but this ain't gonna be like that. I doubt any of them will be making plans to have their sisters kiss me. Besides it will just be talking and making eyes at each other," Sully reasoned.

"How about just talking and drop the other business?" Michaela suggested.

"Ya are jealous," Sully replied. "Ya don't gotta be. Only one girl I wanna make eyes at."

Michaela blushed as Sully gave her a wink. "Okay," she relented. "I think you should be interested in Sarah."

"Why her?" Sully said. "I was thinking Emily. She seemed pretty interested in me at that costume ball."

"No way, Emily is too pretty," Michaela snapped back.

"Oh, so you're sticking me with the ugly girl," Sully said laughing.

"Exactly," said Michaela joining in with the laughter.

* * *

**February 15, 1847 – Michaela's Fourteenth Birthday**

Michaela looked around the room as Martha served tea and cake to all the guests. Sully had been correct- all of Michaela's sisters were there but without their husbands. Josef had managed to come home early to attend the birthday tea and to keep Sully from being the only boy present. Sully could have cared less though. He was in pure mischief mode and had seated himself beside Sarah taking care to avoid Emily like the plague. Michaela was seated opposite of Sarah with Rachel and Emily flanking her on either side.

"Sully, I just love the picture you painted of Michaela for her birthday," Sarah said as Martha poured her a cup of tea.

"Thank you," Sully returned smiling at her widely.

"I would enjoy seeing some of your other artwork," Sarah added.

"Me too," said Emily and Rachel almost in unison.

"I think a private showing can be arranged," Sully said using his best Bostonian voice. He raised his eyebrows at Michaela who wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or throw up.

"Would you ever consider painting other people?" Sarah asked.

"Possibly," replied Sully. "If the right subject came along." He turned now and winked at Sarah who was thrilled with the attention she was receiving from him.

"He doesn't paint many portraits," Michaela added as she felt her cheeks flush with a slight anger.

The girls ignored her comment and continued to drone on. "Do you like it when girls wear their hair up or down?" asked Emily now curling a piece of her own beautiful hair around her finger.

"Down," he said thinking about Michaela's hair flowing down her back.

"Are you going to be an artist when you are older?" Rachel asked.

"I haven't really thought about it," Sully responded.

"Will you be a doctor like Josef?" Sarah asked.

"No, that's Michaela not me," Sully laughed.

All three girls looked at Michaela. "But girls aren't allowed to go to medical school," Emily pointed out.

"Maybe girls haven't really tried to go to medical school," Michaela said in reply. "I will find a way." The girls shared glances as Emily rolled her eyes at Michaela. Michaela could feel the anger building inside of her but she didn't say anything.

"Do any of you have plans to go to college?" Sully asked quickly trying to diffuse the situation.

"We'll be going to finishing school," Emily informed Sully in a haughty tone.

"Right," Sully said observing the heightened color of Michaela's cheeks.

"Sully, do you think you could paint my portrait? I know my mother would love something like that," Sarah said anxious to turn Sully's focus back towards her.

"Well, I am really busy with school right now. I tend to struggle with Latin and so I really have to work hard to understand it."

"I could tutor you," offered Emily a little too eagerly.

"He already has a tutor," interjected Michaela.

"A good tutor at that," Sully added smiling over at Michaela.

"Will you be going to the May Dance at Boston Latin?" Rachel asked.

"No, I'm not old enough. I'm only twelve," Sully answered.

"Oh, I forgot," said Rachel.

"It's hard to believe you are only twelve Sully. You are so much more mature than boys my own age," added Sarah leaning in closer towards Sully.

"Are you almost thirteen?" Emily asked.

"No, he just turned twelve," dissuaded Michaela.

"Do you prefer girls your own age?" Sarah asked.

"No, I like girls older than me," Sully returned. He couldn't help raising an eyebrow at Michaela as he said it. Michaela was glad he did. It helped ground her for a moment. The internal battle that was being waged inside of her was starting to become too much. She knew in her heart that Sully cared only for her but why did these girls' interest in him bother her so much.

As Sarah finished the last of her tea, she turned to Sully. "Could we see your other pictures now?"

Sully looked at Michaela. "Go ahead Sully, show them," she said.

The girls eagerly rose from the table. "Are ya gonna come?" he said in a hushed tone directed at Michaela.

"I've already seen them Master Sully," she said giving him a little smile.

"Very well," Sully said as he stood and gave her a slight bow. The girls had congregated by the doorway to the foyer and Sully joined them there to lead them into the library.

Elizabeth who had been rather absorbed in conversation with Rebecca noticed the hasty exit of Michaela's guests without Michaela. She excused herself and went down to where Michaela sat picking crumbs off her plate. "Where are your guests going?" she asked.

"They wanted to see some of Sully's other pictures," Michaela explained.

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"I've already seen all of Sully's pictures," Michaela replied as if stating the obvious.

"Michaela, you are their hostess. A hostess doesn't abandon her guests."

"I didn't abandon them Mother. They abandoned me. The only reason either of those girls came was because they like Sully." Michaela surprised herself with her own boldness.

"Does that bother you?" dug Elizabeth.

"Of course not, why should it?" Michaela said very matter of fact.

Elizabeth considered her for a moment. "I still think it would be a good idea for you to join them."

Michaela caught her father's eye then and remembered that she was letting her mother win this battle. "You're right," she conceded to Elizabeth as she rose and headed towards the library. Elizabeth stared after her dumbfounded that Michaela had actually agreed with her and acted on it.

The library door was open and Michaela could already hear the girls giggling as she approached. She had stayed behind to allow herself some time to calm down. Did it bother her? Of course it did. Sully was hers and she didn't like it when other girls fawned all over him. Before she could enter the library though, the small party came back through the door following behind Sully.

"Where are you going?" asked Michaela.

"Sully is going to take us upstairs and show us the pictures you had framed for his birthday," Sarah replied a dreamy sort of look in her eye.

"Will you come?" Sully asked his eyes pleading with her to accompany them.

"Someone needs to chaperone," she said letting out a small laugh as she did so.

The group moved up the stairs and down to Sully's door. The girls were all talking excitedly while Michaela followed silently behind. Once inside the room, Sully pointed out the two pictures beside the window and then the picture that hung over the bed. It was that picture that became the focal point of attention.

"Sully, this picture is so beautiful," crooned Emily demurely batting her eyes at Sully. "Is it a real place or did you paint it from your imagination."

"It's real," Sully replied. "That's the Choptank River in Maryland where Michaela's grandmother lives."

"It's very romantic," added Sarah.

"Sure is," agreed Rachel. Michaela rolled her eyes but none of the girls saw as they were still gawking at the picture.

"Is this where you sleep?" asked Sarah now running her hands over the damask coverlet on the bed.

"Of course it's where he sleeps," answered Michaela sharply. "It's his bedroom. Don't you think this is his bed?" Sarah didn't respond but cast Michaela a wicked look.

Sully sensed Michaela's growing uneasiness and spoke up. "And that ends the art show," he announced heading towards the door. Michaela led Emily and Rachel out of the bedroom while Sarah grabbed Sully's hand to hold him back.

"Sullly, can I ask you something?" Sarah whispered.

"Sure," Sully replied fearing that Michaela would jump to crazy conclusions when she realized they had stayed behind.

"Do you like me?" she asked eagerly.

"Oh Sarah," he said wondering what to say to this girl who stood before him.

"You can kiss me if you want," Sarah interjected quickly.

"It wouldn't be proper," Sully replied turning towards the door and hastily making his way across the room. Sarah stayed behind a moment longer but Sully quickly made his way to the stairs. Michaela waited at the top.

"What did she want?" she whispered.

"Later," Sully replied in the same hushed tone as he set off down the stairs.

"But," Michaela interjected. Sully turned and smiled at her and she quieted as his eyes assured her she had nothing to worry about.

* * *

Elizabeth was quite pleased with how well everything had gone this afternoon. Michaela had needed a little prodding but in the end she had turned into a gracious hostess. Michaela was correct though, the girls were very interested in Sully. And at least to some degree Sully appeared to be interested in them. Elizabeth looked up as Josef entered their bedroom and smiled at him.

"It was a nice party," Josef said to her as he crossed the room.

"I thought so too," Elizabeth replied. "Michaela did well."

"I know. I can't believe how grown up she is. Our little baby." Josef shook his head and sighed.

"Technically she won't be the baby once we adopt Sully," Elizabeth returned looking at Josef. Josef felt a slight panic settle in his chest as he realized where this conversation was headed. "When are you going to talk to him about the adoption?" Elizabeth asked.

"I already have," Josef muttered.

"Well, what did he say?"

"That he doesn't want to be adopted," Josef said it quickly as if the faster it was out the better.

"He doesn't want to be adopted," Elizabeth repeated indignantly. "Why?"

"I don't know. He didn't want to tell me and I didn't want to push."

"Well, I know why," Elizabeth exclaimed.

"Don't, Elizabeth," Josef interrupted her. "I don't want to hear about some figment of your imagination. Don't jump to unfounded conclusions. That boy has been through terrible things in his life. There could be any number of reasons he doesn't want to be adopted."

"Are you saying you accept this?"

"I am saying that Sully doesn't want to be adopted and that closes the subject as far as I am concerned."

"Josef that is not acceptable!" Elizabeth yelled. "You are making a huge mistake. There is only one reason that boy doesn't want to be adopted and if you don't want to open your eyes and see it then you deserve what's coming."

"And just what do you think is coming?" Josef asked almost regretting the question as soon as it slipped out.

"There is something going on between them, Josef," Elizabeth replied.

"So what do you want me to do Elizabeth? Send him to an orphanage?"

Elizabeth stopped. As much as she wanted to ensure Sully and Michaela were kept from developing a relationship with each other this wasn't what she had in mind. Sully had grown on her and his gesture with the valentine the day before had been awfully sweet. "I suggest boarding school," she replied calmly.

"No, I'm not sending him to boarding school. Part of the problem is that he hasn't really had a family. I'm not sending him away from ours," Josef reasoned.

"Josef, you are being ridiculous," Elizabeth shouted.

"Then I suppose we are at an impasse," replied Josef as he turned away from her.

Elizabeth let out a shaky breath. "No, Josef don't walk away. Maybe you're right and there is nothing between them. If that is the case time will prove it out. I suggest a compromise."

"I'm listening," he said turning around to look at her.

"We leave things as they are for now but if Sully or Michaela acts inappropriately then we send one of them to boarding school."

"It would have to be something big, Elizabeth. Not some random little act that you jump to the wrong conclusion about."

"I agree," she said.

"And I don't want to hear anymore about some imaginary relationship," added Josef afraid he was pushing Elizabeth's limits.

"Fine," said Elizabeth.

"Then I agree," said Josef.

"Good," replied Elizabeth as she turned back towards her vanity mirror to finish brushing out her hair. Josef considered the back of her head for a minute before turning around to undress. He had doubts about the agreement but he was convinced that Elizabeth was delusional. He couldn't imagine Sully and Michaela doing anything that would result in one of them being sent to boarding school.

**

* * *

****Boston, August 1848**

"I hate you!" screamed Michaela.

"Mike, you don't mean that," Josef tried to calm her. "We aren't doing this to be mean. It's not a punishment. This is for the best."

"Who's best?" shot Michaela.

"For Sully's best," interjected Elizabeth. "This school will prepare him for his future as an architect."

"He doesn't want to be an architect. It's what you want!"

"Mike," Josef said laying his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Michaela said yanking her arm away from him. "And stop lying! This is a punishment. I hate you! I hate both of you!" Michaela screamed before turning and running up the stairs.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-one**

**Boston – April 20, 1847**

Spring bloomed early that year in Boston. The last snow fell at the end of January and by March the weather was mild. The beginning of April was seasonably wet but by the end of the month the weather was bright and beautiful so that everyday spent inside felt like a day wasted. Time passed quickly in the Quinn household. Michaela and Sully were glad to be out from under threat of adoption. Marjorie was counting the days until her official coming out at the debutante cotillion in May. Elizabeth was involved in the planning and preparations for the cotillion. Josef, as usual, was busy at the hospital and had increased his participation in the abolition movement.

Sully and Michaela often spent their afternoons on the Common since the weather had turned. If Elizabeth was home, she would send Marjorie along but Marjorie didn't seem to mind. She even started accompanying them without being asked by Elizabeth. Though both Michaela and Sully knew that really her presence was for the best they couldn't help wish that they could share a few moments alone.

On this particular April afternoon, Michaela waited on the steps of her school for the carriage to take her home. Having completed half of her homework already, she was looking forward to seeing Sully and possibly visiting the Common without Marjorie in tow. It had been since before her birthday that they had last shared a kiss. Michaela blushed at the thought that she wanted Sully to kiss her again. Yet she also knew that they had agreed to be patient and that not kissing was part of that waiting. Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the carriage.

Picking up her books, she lifted her skirt and ran the short distance to the carriage and opened the door. The sight that met her came as a bit of a surprise. Not only was Marjorie inside but Elizabeth and Rebecca as well.

"Good afternoon," Elizabeth greeted a shocked Michaela.

"What are you doing here?" Michaela asked disregarding her mother's greeting.

Elizabeth sighed. "Please contain your enthusiasm Michaela," she said sarcastically.

"Sorry," Michaela said realizing her mistake. She climbed inside and took the free seat beside Marjorie. "Good afternoon," she began again.

"Better." Elizabeth smiled.

Marjorie turned to Michaela excitedly. "We are going to get dresses for the cotillion," she squealed.

"We?" asked Michaela.

"Of course Marjorie will be choosing her debutante gown and I thought you might enjoy something new for the party," Elizabeth explained.

"That would be nice," said Michaela. Elizabeth had not expected that response from Michaela and she looked at her quizzically. "What?"

"You want to get a new dress?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes," answered Michaela somewhat shyly.

"We might just turn you into a lady yet," teased Elizabeth.

"Maybe." Michaela smiled as she answered and then turned to look out the window as thoughts of looking beautiful in her new dress danced through her head.

Soon they arrived at the dress shop and Marjorie literally flew out of the carriage and in the front door. Elizabeth set about to help her choose out a litany of dresses to try on in order to find just the perfect dress for the occasion. Rebecca had apparently come along to help Michaela.

"What color?" Rebecca asked.

"I don't know," Michaela said. "Maybe red," she suggested remembering how Sully had wanted her to wear the red dress to the New Year's Eve ball.

"I always thought you looked nice in green," offered Rebecca as she pointed to a lovely dress in green taffeta. "Maybe you should try on several different colors."

"Okay," agreed Michaela. For the next hour, Michaela and Marjorie hemmed and hawed until they found exactly what they were looking for. Marjorie chose a white dress that was accented with green. Debutantes traditionally wore white or light colored dresses and Marjorie was not one to break with tradition. Michaela's final selection was a light green that made her eyes stand out and sparkle. Even though she never would have admitted it, she had a terrific time picking out the dress and she couldn't wait until it was altered and she could wear it to the cotillion.

* * *

Sully arrived home from school to find the girls were not yet home. The day was so nice though that he decided to wait for their arrival on the front steps. Maybe if he caught Michaela early on they could go off to the Common before Marjorie joined them. It had been a while since they had been completely alone. In some ways that was good but they could not completely relax in Marjorie's presence. There was always an underlying suspicion that maybe they shouldn't trust her. Plus it just felt plain weird to hold hands in front of her for some reason. Though Sully missed the physical contact, that wasn't what he craved right at this moment. It was to simply be alone with Michaela. A carriage approached and he stood expecting the girls. 

Instead it was Josef, who knew of Elizabeth's plans for the afternoon. He had hoped to arrive home before Sully but a last minute emergency at the hospital had waylaid him. Josef had stuck by his decision not to mention the adoption again but in a more subtle way he had been spending more time with Sully since their discussion in February. Often times that included Michaela as well which neither Josef nor Sully minded but Josef always thought it was nice when it could be just the two of them. Today was the perfect opportunity for that.

"Good afternoon Sully," Josef said as he descended from the carriage.

"Afternoon," Sully returned.

"The girls went dress shopping this afternoon so I thought maybe you would like to come with me."

"Okay," Sully agreed. "Where are you going?"

"Over to Harvard to pick up some papers but I wanted you to see the school and meet one of the professors."

"That'll be nice," Sully said half-heartedly following Josef back into the carriage. This wasn't how he had planned to spend the afternoon. It was nice of Josef to do this for him but Sully wished he wouldn't. It seemed that Elizabeth and Josef had already planned his future for him as an architect. Sully wasn't completely opposed to the idea but the call to see the west was very alive in Sully. He wanted to explore and to see real Indians and to live in a place away from the city.

The trip to Harvard was quick and before Sully knew it they were climbing the stairs of a large building heading for the colleague's office. Upon arriving they were shown in by a secretary.

"Josef, so nice to see you," greeted the gentleman who had risen from his desk as they entered.

"Thank you Paul. It's nice to see you also." The two men shook hands. Josef turned to Sully. "I'd like you to meet Sully," he said.

"So this is the young man I've been hearing so much about?" Paul asked smiling down at Sully.

"Good afternoon sir. It's very nice to meet you," Sully said trying to be as proper as possible.

"Please call me Paul," he said to Sully. "I never stand on formalities." Josef and he both shared a laugh and Sully joined in though he had no idea what was so funny about that statement. "So Sully, Josef and I are both members of the New England Anti-Slavery Society. What do you know about slavery and abolition?"

Sully looked at this Paul. His hair was wild, sticking off in several different directions but his eyes were kind and Sully loved the way he spoke to him as if he were an adult. "I know slavery is wrong and that abolitionists work to end slavery."

"Why do you think slavery is wrong?" asked Paul his eyes never leaving Sully's face.

"Cause I've seen how bad it is," Sully answered without thinking.

"You have?" asked Paul.

"When I was visitin' Josef's mother in Maryland, the plantation next to hers had slaves."

"And you saw these slaves mistreated?"

"Not exactly but Michaela did," Sully answered as he suddenly remembered that Josef knew nothing about their experience on that fateful day at the Brooks'.

"Here have a seat," Paul said pointing to a small couch along one wall. Josef sat in one of the chairs while Paul leaned on the edge of his desk. "What happened Sully?" he asked with a slight excitement in his voice. He glanced over at Josef.

"Don't look at me. I am as interested to hear this story as you are," Josef returned.

Sully recounted for the two men what Michaela had witnessed on that day and he told them about Anna helping the woman and her daughter get to safety in Canada.

Paul was beaming with excitement. "I knew I wanted to meet you Sully," he said. "Josef is always telling me how remarkable you and Michaela are and now I've seen it for myself. He is your boy," Paul said turning to Josef. Paul had no way of knowing but his remark set both Josef and Sully on edge.

"So do you have those papers for me?" Josef asked quickly trying to avoid Paul's remark.

"Yes, right here," said Paul handing Josef a stack of papers. Then he turned back to Sully. "Josef tells me you are quite the artist."

"I guess," Sully answered shyly.

"Don't be modest," Josef teased. "I've already shown him some of your work."

"You have?" Sully was surprised.

"I would like to give you lessons," Paul said directing Sully's attention back to him. "That is if you would like lessons."

"Are you an artist?" Sully asked.

"I fancy myself one though mostly I teach," Paul responded. "I can show you my work if you'd like," Paul offered.

Sully nodded excitedly. "That would be great."

Josef smiled to himself pleased that Sully seemed to be excited. He had needed to pick up the papers from Paul but he had planned this meeting in order for Paul and Sully to meet. Josef hoped that as he spent more time with Sully and demonstrated to Sully that he cared about him and his future, that Sully would embrace the idea of adoption on his own. Today had felt like a step in the right direction.

**

* * *

****Boston Common - April 21, 1847**

"I missed spending the afternoon with ya yesterday," Sully said looking over at Michaela.

"Me too," Michaela said. "And it is nice to be here without Marjorie."

"Sure is," Sully agreed as their eyes lingered on each other.

"Tell me about your afternoon with father yesterday," said Michaela. "I'm dying to know more about it."

"It was nice. Josef introduced me to one of the professors at Harvard, Paul Graves. He teaches but he is also a painter. He studied painting in France and he wants to give me lessons."

"Wow," Michaela said. "Are you going to take lessons?"

"Yes, after school on Wednesdays at his office."

"At the university?"

"Yes," Sully replied.

"That's wonderful," Michaela said half-heartedly. She was happy for Sully but part of her was also a little jealous at the same time. Josef's recent lavishing of attention on Sully confused her and made her feel slightly pushed aside. Yet that wasn't all that she felt. Harvard was her dream. She wanted to go there more than anything but she knew that was basically impossible. It wouldn't matter that her father was alumni or that he gave money to the school. She was a girl and they would never let her walk those hallowed halls of academia.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked noticing the slight change in her.

Michaela glanced up at him nervously afraid to admit her true feelings. "Fine," she lied.

"So tell me about your afternoon yesterday," Sully said.

"Not much to tell really. Marjorie bought a dress."

"And you got a dress?" Sully asked wondering what had provoked Michaela's sudden mood swing.

"Yes, I bought a dress," Michaela sighed.

"I bet ya look beautiful in it," Sully whispered leaning a little closer to her.

"Because looking beautiful is all girls are good for!" Michaela yelled at Sully. She jumped to her feet suddenly throwing Sully off guard. "I have news for you, some of us actually have a brain and we know how to use it!" With these final words, Michaela ran off towards the water.

Sully sighed and watched her go. He wasn't sure what he had said this time to trigger such a reaction but obviously the beautiful comment had been offensive. Would girls ever make sense? He shook his head as if answering his own question. After allowing a few minutes for Michaela to cool down, Sully made his way down to where she sat near the water. Tears were falling down her cheeks and she hastily brushed them away.

"Michaela what's wrong?" Sully asked.

"Nothing," she replied turning her head away.

Sully sat down next to her and covered her hand that lay in the grass with his. Gently he stroked circles with his thumb. "Tell me," he said.

"I hardly know how to," Michaela cried.

"Michaela, it's me," breathed Sully willing her to feel the safety of his presence.

"It's not fair," she said.

"What's not fair?"

"That father introduces you to all his friends and takes you to Harvard and now you get special lessons."

"Do ya not want me to take lessons?"

"No," Michaela said sincerely. "It's not that," she continued still fighting back her tears.

"I don't understand."

"I want to go to Harvard."

"I'm sure ya can come with me sometimes," Sully said trying to cheer her up.

"No, you don't understand. I want to go to Harvard for college and medical school. That's where Father went but they don't accept girls."

"If it makes you feel any better I don't want to go to Harvard," said Sully.

"Why not?" Michaela asked.

"I don't know if I want to go to college at all. I want to go west."

"You don't want to live in Boston?"

"Not really," Sully answered honestly.

"I didn't realize," Michaela said looking up at Sully now. "I imagined us grown, married and living in Boston." As these words left her mouth, she blushed fiercely realizing she had just revealed one of her dreams for them.

"Could you be happy someplace else?" Sully asked ignoring her discomfort.

"I think so," she said as she wiped away the last of her tears, feeling relieved that she hadn't scared Sully with her plan for their future.

"Good," said Sully. "Are ya gonna be okay?"

"I guess," Michaela sighed. "I just feel kind of jealous of all the stuff Father has been doing with you lately."

"Michaela, I think he is trying to convince me to let him adopt me. I don't think you gotta be jealous of that."

Michaela looked at him with a small smile. "I guess not," she said. "I hate being a girl sometimes."

"I've told you before how I feel about that," Sully said teasingly.

"Remind me, why it's good that I'm a girl," Michaela returned.

"Cause if you were a boy, I wouldn't want to dance with ya at the cotillion."

"Another please." Michaela smiled over at him.

"Cause if you were a boy, you would sure look funny in that new dress you bought."

Michaela laughed. "Another please," she said again.

"Cause if you were a boy, I wouldn't be touching your hand right now," he said as his eyes locked with Michaela's. Nervously she bit her bottom lip feeling the intensity of his gaze.

"Another," she whispered leaning closer to Sully.

"Cause if you were a boy, I never would have fell in love with you."

"Why do you love me Sully?" Michaela asked, needing to hear any reason except for beauty.

"There's not one reason," Sully explained. "I feel connected to ya. I can't explain it."

"I feel it too," Michaela said smiling widely. They sat looking at one another for a moment each longing to lean in for a kiss. "What do you want to do?" Michaela finally asked trying to get her mind on something else.

"We can't do what I want to do," Sully said curling his mouth up in a smile. Michaela blushed and dropped her eyes. "Why don't ya tell me about the cotillion since I ain't never been to one before."

"Well Marjorie is a debutante. That's the French word for female beginner."

"Thanks for the language lesson," Sully couldn't resist teasing.

"Don't interrupt," said Michaela sternly but with a gleam in her eye to show she was playing with him. "All the girls at finishing school will go to the cotillion. It's called their coming out because they are making their debut in society. After the cotillion they are eligible to marry, though normally it just means that boys can officially court them now."

"Seems like a lot of time and energy wasted to just announce that you're old enough to get married," Sully said.

"I guess," Michaela sighed caught up in the romance of the whole thing. "I bet Sarah is going to be there. Are you still going to act interested in her?"

"Nah, that was too much work and I don't want ya getting jealous again," Sully replied.

"I wasn't jealous," Michaela defended. Sully started to laugh but pressed his lips tightly together. "I wasn't!" Michaela declared again.

"If that's what ya want to believe," Sully said raising his eyebrows at her.

"Come on," Michaela said standing up. "Let's get home before Elizabeth so we don't have to hear a lecture about being unchaperoned." They stood and headed across the grass.

"Will you have a coming out?" Sully asked Michaela as they walked along.

"I'm sure mother will insist," Michaela sighed. "But don't worry you'll be the first to know I'm eligible for marriage." Sully and Michaela laughed and picked up their pace hoping to arrive home before Elizabeth.

**

* * *

****Debutante Cotillion - May 18, 1847**

Time marched steadily onward and before anyone even realized it the cotillion was upon them. Marjorie had been giddy for days. Unable to settle to anything, she hovered over Michaela and Sully talking incessantly about the details of the ball and driving them crazy in the process. She tired her dress on at least twice a day, just to make sure it still fit. She convinced Sully to practice dancing with her much to Michaela's dismay. Stacking two books on her head, she practiced walking around the library. Michaela often had the urge to put her foot out and trip her but she always resisted.

When the evening of the debut arrived, Michaela shared a little bit of Marjorie's excitement though she never would have admitted it. There was something magical about putting on a new dress and doing your hair for a special occasion. When she had arrived at the top of the stairs after spending the greater part of three hours getting ready she had looked down meeting Sully's gaze.

Sully's mouth had fallen open as he watched Michaela descend the stairs. He had imagined how she would look in this particular dress from the moment she had shown it to him but his imagination paled in comparison. Michaela was stunning. Luckily for Sully, Josef thought so too and his attention was on Michaela not Sully who couldn't seem to stop staring.

"Mike, you look absolutely beautiful," Josef said as she stepped into the foyer. "Doesn't she Sully?"

"Uh-huh," Sully managed to mutter as he continued to take in her form. A commotion at the top of the stairs caught everyone's attention and they looked up to see Marjorie descending now. There was no question that she also looked beautiful but it was quite obvious that Michaela outshone her.

"Marjorie," Josef said smiling widely. "You look absolutely stunning."

"Thank you father," she said leaning up to give him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Marjorie you look beautiful," Michaela intoned.

"Yes, beautiful," Sully agreed still looking at Michaela instead of Marjorie.

Marjorie rolled her eyes. "Thanks," she said.

Elizabeth came through the morning room to join the small group with her wrap already on. "It's late- we best be leaving," she said as she herded them out the door to the waiting carriage.

The ride to the finishing school was short and they were soon climbing down from the carriage. While Sully and Michaela made their way inside and found their table, Josef and Marjorie joined the other young ladies who would be presented that evening. Elizabeth took care of last minute details as she had been one of the coordinators of the event. The room was already quite full and it wasn't long before the girls were announced and presented. It was at that point that the cotillion began in earnest.

"Let's dance," suggested Michaela as she looked over at Sully.

"Okay," he agreed rising from the table. He noticed the gazes that followed Michaela and himself across the room. He had the sudden urge to return to his seat and keep Michaela hidden for the rest of the evening but he pressed on toward the dance floor. As he took Michaela's hand in his own, their eyes met and Sully saw the love that was there. The other people in the room faded away as they moved to the music. Michaela smiled at Sully, enjoying the warm feel of his hand at her waist. She was oblivious to the young men who were watching her. The only one she cared about was the one she was currently dancing with. The song was over much too soon for either of their liking but they knew they couldn't dance together all night with Elizabeth on the prowl. Slowly they made their way back to the table only to be accosted by a boy that Sully recognized from Boston Latin.

"Good evening," the young man said. "You attend Boston Latin, don't you?" he asked Sully.

"Yes," Sully replied.

"I thought so. I'm David, David Lewis. I attend Boston Latin as well," he said eagerly shaking Sully's hand.

"I'm Sully and this is Michaela Quinn," Sully introduced them both.

"You're Dr. Quinn's daughter?" David asked.

"Yes," Michaela confirmed.

"Well, that is splendid. I do believe our fathers were old school mates," David added now his attention completely focused on Michaela.

"How nice," Michaela said as she raised an eyebrow at Sully.

"Would you care to dance?" David asked. Michaela glanced nervously at Sully. She didn't want to dance with him but she knew she would have to dance with someone besides Sully eventually. Sully gave her a slight nod to indicate that she should.

"That would be nice," Michaela returned. No sooner were the words out of her mouth, than David had grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. Sully sat down at the table feeling those familiar pangs of jealousy rising in his stomach.

On the dance floor, David was talking non-stop to Michaela as he waltzed her around the room. "Your sister had her coming out tonight, didn't she?"

"Yes."

"Will you have yours soon?"

"I'm only fourteen," Michaela answered hoping to dissuade him.

"I'm only fifteen," David informed her. "I want to go to medical school to become a doctor," he added trying to impress Michaela.

"Me too," admitted Michaela knowing this would put him off.

She had been wrong though. "Really?" he asked. "That is terrific."

Michaela frowned a little at his response. "Do you think it is okay for women to be doctors?" she asked.

"If that is what they want to do," David returned. "Shouldn't all people have the right to decide how they want to live their lives?"

Michaela was intrigued now. "Yes," she answered smiling up at him. The dance ended and Michaela turned to rejoin Sully but David stopped her.

"Come with me for a minute," he said tugging on her hand. Michaela sighed but followed hoping Sully wouldn't be upset with her. David led her through the crowd out onto a small veranda that was less crowded and quieter. "That's better," David said.

"David, I need to go back inside," Michaela began.

"Do you know that you are more beautiful than any of the debutantes?" he asked.

"David," Michaela said blushing.

"It's true. And you must be intelligent too if you are Dr. Quinn's daughter," he continued.

Michaela felt flattered but her thoughts still returned to Sully. "David thank you," she muttered. "But really I must get back inside."

"Would it be okay if I called on you sometime?" David asked out of the blue.

"I'm not of age," Michaela reminded him.

"Neither am I," teased David. "Maybe I could visit Sully in hopes of seeing you," he suggested.

"David, that isn't a good idea."

"Why not?"

"I'm unavailable," Michaela said plainly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm not now and will never be eligible to court," she explained.

"Because you want to be a doctor?" asked David.

"No because," Michaela hesitated but then threw caution to the wind. "No because I am already promised to someone."

"Arranged marriage?"

Michaela laughed. "No, I did the promising."

David laughed now. "Okay, I can take a hint. You don't have to make up some story. I'll leave you alone for now," he said. "Come on, I'll take you back inside."

Michaela felt relief fill her body as they walked back through the doors. After a brief good-bye to David, she made her way back to the table.

"Sorry," she whispered to Sully as she sat down.

"Ya can't help being beautiful," Sully answered but he didn't raise his eyes from the table.

"Sully," Michaela whispered but Josef's sudden arrival interrupted them.

"Mike, would you like to dance?" Josef asked.

"Yes," she answered casting another nervous look at Sully. As she rose from the table she willed him to look at her but he didn't.

Josef smiled at her as they began to move around the dance floor. "I saw you dancing with David Lewis earlier," he remarked.

"Yes," Michaela answered unwilling to meet her father's eyes.

"Did he take you outside onto the veranda?" Josef asked.

Michaela looked up now. "Yes, he wanted to ask if he could call on me."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I was too young," Michaela replied.

"That's my girl," Josef said smiling. "I am so proud of you Michaela."

"For turning a boy down?" Michaela asked.

"No, well partially," Josef laughed. "Seriously though you amaze me sometimes."

"I do?"

"Sully told me what you did for that slave at Anna's last summer," he said. Michaela looked at him in surprise. Sully had neglected to mention this. "That took a lot of courage but you made a real difference."

"Thanks," Michaela muttered.

"Michaela you do realize that I will do everything in my power to help you become a doctor?"

"You will?"

"Yes, I will."

"Oh father," Michaela sighed as she stopped dancing and hugged her father tightly. She felt silly for being jealous of her father's relationship with Sully. "I love you," she said looking up at him.

"And I love you," he said tapping her lightly on the nose. "Why don't you go dance with Sully, he is looking a little forlorn over there by himself." Michaela smiled and nodded as they made their way off the dance floor. "I must say I'm a little surprised he isn't dancing. Your friends seemed to really take to him at your birthday back in February."

"I don't think he really likes any of them," Michaela said.

"I know," Josef said. "I guess he's just not interested in girls yet." Michaela pressed her lips tightly together to keep from laughing as they made their way back to the table.

Sully looked up as they approached. "Come on, let's dance," Michaela said grabbing his hand. The smile she had given him warmed Sully's heart and he allowed himself to be pulled onto the dance floor.

"David seemed nice," Sully remarked as they began to move around the room.

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "Are you jealous?" she asked smiling at him.

"A little," Sully sighed. "I know there is no need to be but when other boys take an interest in ya, I can't help it."

"Now you know how I feel when other girls do the same to you," she said. "But you are right. There is no need to worry."

Sully smiled. "Have I told ya how beautiful ya look tonight?"

"You can tell me again," Michaela whispered leaning in a little too close, unaware of Elizabeth's ever watchful eye.

**

* * *

****Boston – 1866**

Stepping out of a patient's room, he started down the hall only to stop abruptly. He couldn't believe his eyes. There stood Michaela at the end of the hall more beautiful than ever. His heart sped up at the sight of her. Her quick disappearance two years earlier had taken him by surprise. Not one of the Quinn's would tell him where she had gone even though he was sure they knew. None of that mattered now though is she was back. And maybe, just maybe this time he could convince her to marry him. Quickly he made his way down the hall to where she stood.

"Michaela?" he asked causing her to look up.

"David," she replied somewhat awkwardly.

"It's good to see you," he said moving to give her a hug. She allowed him to hug her but did not move her arms to embrace him.

"Yes, it's good to see you too," she said dropping her eyes to her hands. David looked down at her hands as well and spotted the ring on her left hand.

"You're engaged?" he asked with a touch of sadness.

"I am," Michaela replied as she met his eyes and saw the pain reflected there.

"I can't say I hadn't hoped," he stopped.

"I know David," Michaela said feeling very uncomfortable. She looked down the hall to see Sully walking towards them and she felt relieved.

"Can I ask who the lucky man is?"

"Here he comes now," she said looking down the hall.

David turned his head to look. "But that's Sully. I thought," David started to speak but then stopped too stunned to say anything else.

Within seconds Sully was at Michaela's side wrapping his arm around her back. "Sully you remember David, don' you?" Michaela said.

"I do. It's nice to see ya again," Sully said holding his hand out.

"And you," David managed to choke out as he took Sully's proffered hand. "You'll have to excuse me for a moment. I'm confused. I thought Sully was.." David hesitated unsure of what word to use.

"My brother," Michaela suggested with a funny little grin on her face. "Everyone assumes that because he was part of our family for a brief time." Sully smiled over at Michaela as encouragement knowing how much she dreaded conversations like these.

"Is this why you turned me down?" David asked still in shock.

"Yes," Michaela whispered shyly. "I tried to tell you David."

"But I wouldn't listen," David sighed as everything began to make sense. He smiled at Sully. "From the first day I met her she told me that she was unavailable, that she loved someone else. I didn't believe her. She was only fourteen then. At first I thought she just wanted me to leave her alone but years later when I realized she was being truthful, I believed I could make her forget about you. I see now that I was wrong." He turned back to Michaela now. "How long?" he asked.

"David," Michaela said softly, "don't."

"Please I want to know," David said. "I want to know how big of a fool I am. How long? Did you love him even when we danced at the cotillion?"

"Stop David, please," Michaela pleaded with him as she felt Sully's hand grip her shoulder.

"Tell me how long and I will," David replied.

"I've loved Sully ever since we were children," Michaela answered fearing his reaction.

David took a deep breath and shook his head. "I am a fool," he said before turning and walking away.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading. An updated timeline of the future scenes is available at www. elizaslife .com /1849.htm_


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-two**

**Boston - May 20, 1847**

_May 11, 1847_

_Dear Josef,_

_I will be in Boston at the beginning of June to finalize some business arrangements with my lawyers. I will arrive on the eighth and will stay only a couple of days. I will need lodging for that brief time if it is conducive to your schedules. I also want to invite all of the children to come stay with me for the summer or part of the summer depending on your plans. They are welcome to travel back to Maryland with me when I return from Boston. Please respond and let me know of your decision as soon as possible so I can make arrangements._

_Love, _

_Mother_

Elizabeth looked up from the letter at Josef. "No," she said firmly. "No one is going to Maryland this summer."

"Elizabeth don't begrudge my mother time with the children simply because you don't get along with her."

"It has nothing to do with that Josef," Elizabeth returned angrily.

"Really?" Josef asked indignantly.

"Are you implying that I'm lying?"

"If the shoe fits," Josef said as his anger took over.

Elizabeth huffed at him as her eyes bore into his. "If you think I am going to stand by and watch while you send my children off to Maryland than you are delusional. Granted your mother is senile – allowing Sully and Michaela adjoining rooms but have you so quickly forgotten your daughter was almost raped at Christmastime."

"That had nothing to do with mother," Josef reasoned.

"They were in her care," Elizabeth pointed out. "In addition Sully was injured and Michaela was depressed for close to a month. Who knows what will happen if we allow them to go to her again?"

"So that's it? You're worried about their safety and their mental health?"

"Aren't you? You are a doctor after all."

"No I'm not worried and I don't believe you are either," Josef replied moving closer to Elizabeth. "This is about Mike and Sully, isn't it?"

"Our agreement was that we wouldn't talk about that anymore," Elizabeth reminded him.

"No our agreement was you wouldn't bring it up anymore."

"Same difference," Elizabeth said turning away from him.

Josef ignored her and returned to the previous topic. "What are you so afraid is going to happen? They're young Elizabeth."

"Not that young," Elizabeth said quietly.

Josef sighed loudly. "I don't understand you. How can you possibly think…"

Elizabeth quickly cut him off. "Josef don't, okay. Don't tell me how ridiculous I am again. You don't notice things. You work long hours. We're lucky if we see you at dinner. You aren't here in the afternoons to watch them together. When we were at the cotillion the other night, you were too busy talking to your abolition friends to notice anything. I realize I may not always approach this rationally. I'm not saying that Michaela and Sully are even cognizant of their behavior with one another but one day they are going to wake up and after that it's going to be too late."

"Too late for what Elizabeth?" Josef asked, his voice beginning to sound tired.

"Too late for us to put a stop to it," Elizabeth replied. Josef took a deep breath and turned to leave the room. "Where are you going?"

"Out," said Josef as he pulled open the door and left.

**

* * *

****Harvard University – May 22, 1847**

Sully sat on a low stone wall overlooking the chapel on Harvard's campus. Paul had asked him to sketch the chapel in the afternoon sun as an exercise in light and shadows. It was difficult, more difficult than Sully thought it would be. Somehow what he saw was hard to put onto the paper. That had never been the case before. Setting down the sketchbook, he drew his knees up to his chest and looked at the campus. Right now, Michaela was somewhere here walking over some bit of grass or down some hallway. This was the first time since he started lessons a month ago that Michaela had been permitted to accompany him and only this time because Josef was with them as well.

Paul approached quietly from the side observing his young pupil. In a month he had grown somewhat attached to this young man and was thrilled when Sully had shared his entire portfolio of works at their last meeting. Of course it really wasn't a portfolio just a few collected sketchbooks and a dozen or so paintings but still the talent exhibited there had amazed him.

"Sully, how is it coming?" Paul asked as he neared the young man.

Sully shook his head. "I don't know. I can see it and I know in my head how it should look on the paper but I can't make it look right."

"Here let me see." Paul reached out his hand and took the sketchbook. It was not bad but Paul could see where Sully had struggled. "Light and shadows are hard. Don't get too frustrated," he said. Paul sat down beside him. "You seem preoccupied. Is something on your mind?"

"Michaela," Sully answered without thinking. He always felt so relaxed in Paul's presence that it was hard to guard his thoughts from tumbling out of his mouth.

"Josef and she are in the library as we speak," Paul informed him.

Sully shook his head. "She wants to go to college here and medical school but she can't."

Paul sighed. "Josef told me she wants to be a doctor. You don't need to worry, I have known Josef for along time. He will do everything in his power to help Michaela become a doctor. Josef always has been a very determined man and when he sets his mind to something things usually happen." Paul looked back at the sketch again. "Sully, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Sully replied turning to look at Paul.

"Those sketches and watercolors of the river and that house where are they?"

"Maryland, where Josef's mother lives. She owns that house."

"They are incredible. I would like to see that place someday. You painted it with such passion; you must really like it there."

"I do."

"Not all of your work has that same passion," Paul pointed out. "The pieces you did last week for me they were good but they lacked passion. Your work has to come from here Sully." Paul laid his hand on Sully's chest just over his heart. "When it doesn't come from here, it may technically be excellent but it won't move the viewer." Sully remained silent, thinking about what Paul had said. The stillness was broken by a laugh from Paul. "Am I too much for you Sully? Here I am talking about passion with a twelve year old. I sometimes forget I'm not speaking with one of my students or colleagues."

"Ya don't think I can understand passion?" Sully asked.

"No, it's not that exactly. But life experiences tend to shape us and mold us. You still have a lot of life to live. Right now you live out here in the light," Paul said referring to the picture Sully had been working on. "Someday, you'll see what it means to live in the shadow." Paul's voice drifted off as he thought about his own demons.

"I've lived in the shadow," said Sully.

Paul looked at him curiously. "What do you mean Sully?"

"My ma killed herself," Sully whispered not sure why he felt so safe speaking to Paul about things so personal.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. Josef said your parents were gone but I…" Paul felt horrible and wasn't' sure what else to say.

Sully spoke now as if in a trance. "She jumped off a bridge over the Hudson River. I was there. I saw her do it. I tried to save her but she didn't want to be saved."

"Oh God," Paul uttered.

"Yeah," Sully sighed. "But eventually something leads you out of the shadows." Sully thought about Michaela now and smiled.

"You're right Sully," Paul said smiling at the boy. "Josef would be happy to know you think about him like that."

Sully looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"I just meant Josef would be thrilled to know that he helped move you out of the shadow so to speak," Paul stopped now wondering if he had said something wrong. Sully remained quiet as he dropped his eyes to the ground. "You weren't referring to Josef, were you?" Sully still did not answer. He had quickly rebuilt the wall that guarded his thoughts and feelings. At that same time, Paul began to see the truth of things. Not the truth about Michaela and Sully but the truth about Josef. He thought about the times Josef had talked about Sully or first shared some of his pictures. "How could it be Josef – he doesn't really understand you, does he?"

"No," Sully whispered as he picked the sketchbook back up and tried again to get the shadows right, wishing to avoid this conversation at all costs.

Paul sat still, staring out at the campus, truly seeing his friend Josef for the first time. Determined was the word he had always used to describe Josef and it fit. But could determined be a bad thing? If you wanted something bad enough that you would ignore what others wanted at all costs, what did that make you? Paul had always wondered about Josef and Elizabeth's marriage. He had always seen them as so different. Yet maybe they weren't so different. Elizabeth was determined to live by society rules and to make a good name for her family. Paul had considered those silly things to be concerned about and had dismissed Elizabeth. But now that he thought about it, Josef was just like her. Sure he didn't care about society but what he did care about he was just as determined about. In general Paul considered that a good thing but as he observed Sully a thought occurred to him – Josef wanted certain things for Sully and possibly for Michaela and he was determined to make them happen. Was this what they wanted or what Josef wanted? He shook his head as he thought about his own father's disapproval of his life choices. Paul felt for Sully at that moment as he realized that if Sully chose to go his own way in life, Josef would most likely not support him.

"What we do to our children," Paul muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me," said Sully looking up from his picture.

"I said that's much better," Paul lied as he feigned sudden interest in Sully's sketch.

* * *

"Father, thank you so much for bringing me with you today," Michaela said giving her father a quick hug as they walked closer to the medical studies building. 

"I would have brought you before if I had realized that you wanted to see the campus," Josef replied.

"I wish I could go to school here like you did," Michaela sighed.

"Michaela we will get you into medical school somewhere – it might not be Harvard but I promise you will go to medical school," Josef said putting his arm around her shoulder.

"It feels hopeless sometimes."

Josef stopped Michaela then and looked her in the eye. "Do you know what has recently happened at a small college in New York State?"

"No," Michaela said intrigued by her father's question.

"Geneva College has admitted the first female to their medical college. Her name is Elizabeth Blackwell."

"Really?" Michaela asked her eyes growing large with excitement.

"Apparently the faculty put it to a student vote and they voted to admit her. Of course I don't think they really expect her to come or follow through with her studies," Josef said not wanting to dash Michaela's hopes but trying to be realistic. "But if Miss Blackwell does, this will begin to open doors."

Michaela smiled widely. "I'm going to pray every night for her to have strength and courage." Josef laughed. "Thank you for telling me that father. It really might be possible."

"I think it is definitely possible," Josef returned. "Come on, I want to show you where I was a student ages ago."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 1, 1847**

"Anna looks like ya get a letter from Boston," Ida said handing the envelope across the table. "More business?"

Anna looked at the return address. "No, Josef this time. It's about time too." Quickly she tore the envelope and opened the folded piece of paper that was inside.

_May 23, 1847_

_Mother,_

_All arrangements have been made for you to stay with us while you are in Boston. I will meet you at the station on June tenth and will have a carriage at your disposal for any business matters you need to attend to. We are looking forward to your visit._

_Your son,_

_Josef_

"I don't believe it," Anna said throwing the letter down in disgust.

"What is it?" Ida asked looking up from the catalog she was perusing.

"It's that woman."

"Anna, what are you talking about?"

"Josef's letter says nothing about whether the children can come stay for the summer," explained Anna.

"At least it don't say they can't. Maybe they ain't made up their mind yet," Ida said trying to remain optimistic.

"I already know. Elizabeth is not going to permit them to come," sighed Anna.

"Anna, ya reading things into that letter that aren't there," Ida pointed out.

"Maybe," Anna said raising a hand to her head as a sharp pain shot through her temple.

"Anna, are ya okay?" Ida asked.

"I'll be fine," Anna said grimacing in pain. Ida looked at her noticing the ashen color of her face. "My head hurts extremely bad all of a sudden."

"Let's get you up to bed," Ida said rising to help the older woman upstairs. As she approached Anna's side of the table, Anna slumped over in her chair. "Anna," Ida called loudly trying to rouse the older woman. Gently she shook her arm. "Anna!" she called more urgently. The older woman moaned but formed no words. Quickly Ida ran to the back door and threw it open. "John! John!" she screamed into the backyard.

John heard his wife's urgent calls and quickly made his way out of the barn. "Ida, what is it?"

"It's Anna. Something's terribly wrong." As the words left Ida's mouth the reality of what was happening began to set in. Tears welled up in her eyes but she fought them back knowing that right now there were urgent matters to attend to. "Help me get her to bed and then ya better ride for the doctor."

**

* * *

****Maryland – June 3, 1847**

Josef stood on the bow of the boat beside his daughter both lost in their own thoughts. Just two days ago, Josef had been quietly sitting in his office enjoying a light lunch when Elizabeth had busted through the door with the telegram in hand. Quickly arrangements had been made. Josef was going to go to Maryland by himself and once he had seen what the situation was he would send for the family if necessary. Michaela had just finished end of year exams though and she insisted on coming with him. Sully had begged to be allowed to go as well but since he still had three end of year exams to complete, they had decided that Elizabeth would stay with him and Marjorie for the time being.

Michaela looked out at the Chesapeake as John expertly maneuvered the boat through the choppy water. Ever memory of this place had held such happy times for her but now it was hard to recall that happiness. Just two days ago, she had been so happy. End of year exams were completed. Anna was coming to visit in just over a week. Yet that had all changed quickly when she arrived home from school to see her father's bags in the foyer. At that point all they had known was that Anna was gravely ill. It wasn't until they had reached Baltimore that John had informed them that Anna had suffered a stroke. Michaela knew it was serious just from seeing the response on her father's face when he had heard the words. Michaela hoped that her grandmother wasn't going to die. She had only recently gotten to know her but the loss would be tremendous.

Swiftly the boat cut through the water, every moment bringing them closer to the waiting uncertainty. Josef still could not believe his mother was ill. He knew at her age that things like this were to be expected but she was always so lively. Guilt overwhelmed him as he thought about all the years they had wasted without seeing each other. He remembered the petty disagreements that had kept them apart and he regretted each and everyone. He was glad that they had come for Christmas but had that been too little too late. Josef remembered when Anna had moved back to Cambridge and he had told her that she was being foolish. Had he really spoken to his mother like that? Had he ever apologized? Closing his eyes he begged God for the chance to make everything right before she died.

Michaela felt her father's hand grip her shoulder as he slid an arm around her. She appreciated his act of comfort but wished instead for someone else's arm to surround her. As a child, she had always sought comfort in her father's arms but sometime during the last year that had changed. She didn't know how or when but slowly Sully had become the one who could bring her comfort with just a touch or a word. And at this instant, her heart wished for Sully more than anyone. He was stuck in Boston taking end of year exams which he would probably perform horribly on because his mind was elsewhere. The warm sun hit her face and she felt the spray of the bay on her arms but inside she felt numb. Anna was dying, Sully was far away and she was powerless to do anything but worry.

Even as the sailboat turned into the Choptank, no words were exchanged. Michaela sat down on the bow and buried her face in her knees while rocking back and forth with the boat's motion. She had gotten little sleep on the journey here so she quickly fell asleep exhausted from worry and traveling. Only a short time later, Josef awoke her as John docked the boat. Quickly they made their way up the lawn toward the house which appeared foreboding instead of welcoming. Ida waited on the porch and Michaela ran towards her.

"Michaela," Ida cried as she wrapped her arms around the girl holding her close as tears began to trickle down her cheeks.

"Ida, where is she?" Michaela asked urgently, tears forming in her eyes as well.

"Calm down, child," Ida said holding Michaela still against herself. "The doctor is with her now. Josef he done said to send ya up when ya got here."

"Thanks Ida," Josef said as he continued on into the house.

Michaela began to pull away from Ida. "I want to go too," she said.

"In a minute," Ida replied. "Let your Pa talk to the doctor."

Michaela stopped struggling even though she wasn't happy about not being allowed in right away. "How bad is she?" Michaela asked bracing herself to hear the worst.

"Doc says she gonna get better but it gonna take a while."

Michaela breathed a sigh of relief. "But John said.." she began.

"John left 'for Anna woke up this morning. When the doctor examined her, she was much better than yesterday. The doc said that was a good sign. But I might as well tell ya, she can't speak without slurring all her words together and she can't use the left side of her body at all."

"Father told me that would happen," Michaela said. Then a thought occurred to her. "Ida, I need to let Sully know she is going to be okay."

"Of course child. After ya see Anna, John can drive ya into town to send a telegram," Ida said.

The door opened then to reveal a smiling Josef. "Michaela your grandmother wants to see you."

Michaela quickly followed her father inside and upstairs to Anna's room. When she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was how light and airy the room was. Michaela knew this was Ida's doing. She would want the place to be cheerful for Anna. Hastily she made her way over to Anna's bed and leaned in gently to hug the older woman. Anna tried to smile at her but only one side of her face managed the task.

"It's so good to see you," said Michaela pulling away after placing a light kiss on her cheek.

Anna made some sounds but Michaela couldn't understand her. "She can't speak quite yet," Josef whispered at Michaela's side.

"She told me that she loves me," Michaela said smiling at her grandmother who nodded her head slightly. It was then that Michaela noticed the other person in the room. It was a man around the same age as her father. His hair was thinning slightly but his face was young and friendly. "Good afternoon," Michaela said as she met his eyes that smiled down at her in greeting.

"This is my daughter, Michaela," Josef spoke up quickly. "Michaela this is Dr. Burke from Baltimore."

"Is that where the closest doctor is?" Michaela asked.

"No," Dr. Burke chuckled. "Dr. Harman sent for me when he realized that Mrs. Quinn had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage. I am on staff at a hospital in Baltimore and neurology is my specialty."

"Oh," Michaela said realizing her mistake. She turned back to her grandmother. "See Anna, Father is here and Dr. Burke. They are going to make you all better." Again Anna tried to say something but it was unintelligible.

"It would probably be best for Mrs. Quinn to get some rest now," Dr. Burke said. "She has had a busy morning while I examined her."

"Of course," said Josef. "Michaela."

"Anna, I'll come sit with you later," Michaela said. "And maybe I could read to you." Anna nodded her head as she closed her eyes. Michaela again reached over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Sleep well."

Quietly she followed her father and Dr. Burke out into the hall.

"I do feel that in time she will make a full recovery," Dr. Burke stated. "The hemorrhage appears to have been mild and with the use of the medicines we discussed we should see marked improvement. Plus I must say that I think her granddaughter's presence seemed to work wonders. That was the first time I heard her try to speak all morning."

Josef stuck his hand out to shake Dr. Burke's. "Thank you so much Dr. Burke."

"You are welcome. Now that you are here, I hope you won't mind if I head back to Baltimore. I can return in a couple of days. My son is returning from college today and I would like to get back in time for dinner."

"Certainly, we understand," said Josef warmly. "Where is your son at school?"

"William is attending Harvard actually. My family is originally from Boston. We moved here to be closer to my wife's family after I completed medical school. It's possible you were on the train with William on your way here." Dr. Burke smiled widely as he thought about his son. "This was his first year and he has done exceptionally well.

"You must be proud," Josef said.

"I am. Well it was very nice to meet you Michaela," Dr. Burke said turning towards her and taking her hand. "And Dr. Quinn. I will see you both in a couple of days but please feel free to telegram me if something urgent arises and you need advice on anything."

"Thank you again, Dr. Burke." With that the man left to gather his thingsfor the boat ride back to Baltimore.

"Father, we need to send a telegram to let everyone at home know Anna is okay," Michaela said thinking only of Sully.

"I agree. I suppose John will be taking Dr. Burke back on the sailboat. And I would like to stay with mother. Maybe Ida could take you into town to send a telegram," Josef suggested.

"I'll go ask her," Michaela said as she skipped off down the hall to find Ida.

**

* * *

****Cambridge – 1866**

Michaela watched from the porch as the children played with Sully in the yard. Now that Ida was on the mend they would have to be getting back to Colorado. In a way she was ready to return to the place she now thought of as home but there was also a sadness to leave this place behind. The children loved it here as well. Sully had taken them out on the boat several times and had even showed Matthew how to sail. Brian loved the fact that you could fish right off of the pier in front of the house and he spent many afternoons perched right in that spot. Michaela heard the footsteps before she saw the door open and she turned expectantly wondering who was coming to join them. John couldn't be back from town already.

"Michaela," called John's voice as he opened the screen door.

"John, that was fast," Michaela said regarding him quizzically.

"I didn't make it to town. I met a messenger on the way. He had a telegram for ya, said it was urgent." He reached over and handed her the piece of paper. Slowly Michaela opened it and began to read.

Sully watched the activity on the porch from the yard and quickly he slipped away from the children to find out what was going on. As he approached the porch he saw the ashen color of Michaela's face. "Michaela, what's wrong?" Michaela looked up with tears in her eyes. The children had now noticed Sully's absence and they made their way to the porch as well. "Michaela?" Sully said again. Michaela held the telegram out to Sully as she found words suddenly impossible.

Sully read the telegram to himself quickly and then out loud so that everyone else would know what was happening. "Michaela, Father has suffered a stroke. Please come at once. Your loving sister, Rebecca." Quickly Sully went to Michaela's side and wrapped his arms around her as tears slipped down her cheeks. Brian ran to her as well, climbing up beside her on the swing and laying his head against her shoulder. Seeing the woman he now regarded as his ma crying made tears form in his own eyes.

"Ma, are we going to Boston?" Colleen asked timidly as she leaned closer to Matthew.

Michaela looked up at Sully and sighed heavily. "I will go. You can head back to Colorado Springs with Sully."

"No, I want to stay with ya," Brian cried gripping her tightly about the neck.

"Michaela, I'm not going to make you go to Boston by yourself," Sully said seeing the hurt and need in her eyes.

"You'll come?" she asked.

"Of course I'll come," Sully assured her kissing her forehead as he pulled her even closer.

**

* * *

****Cambridge – June 3, 1847**

Ida slowed the horse down in front of the telegraph office while Michaela hastily climbed out. With only one thing on her mind, she didn't even notice that Clara Brooks stood only feet away talking with another young girl. She didn't see Clara dismiss herself and run across the street to the barber shop. Quickly Michaela stepped into the office and sent a telegram to 10 Mount Street explaining that Anna was improving. Only after she had watched the operator send the message did she relax, feeling true relief for the first time since she had heard Anna was sick. Now she had seen for herself that she was going to get better and Sully would soon know as well. Hopefully the message would be delivered quickly before he messed up any more exams. She smiled and stepped out into the bright sunshine already plotting how she would convince her father and mother to let her stay and help take care of Anna for the summer. Ida had gone across to the store and she slowly made her way across the street to join her thinking pleasant thoughts of another summer spent on the banks of the Choptank.

Thomas stood in the shadow of the telegraph building. Clara had alerted him to Michaela's presence moments earlier. Thomas looked around for Sully and was pleased when he didn't materialize. He felt the rage building inside of him. Anger over what had happened at New Year's and anger over what Anna was currently doing to his Father. Only quite recently had Anna made herself known as the person who now held all of the notes on his father's property. She had used this to her advantage forcing his father to free his slaves and hire workers. Financially they would never be the same and Thomas was angry about that.

Yet even know as he watched Michaela enter the store, he couldn't help but feel strangely drawn to her. Why this girl had some hold on him he wasn't exactly sure but he knew that even after everything that had happened he still desired her. She was a challenge to him. Her fierce independence made him angry and he wanted more than anything to break her as one might break a wild horse. Tamed just for himself he thought, she would be a prize. Little schemes wouldn't bring her to him. That had been his mistake at New Year's. Unfortunately he had let his urges get the better of him with Marjorie. That would be one obstacle to overcome but it would be worth it. If it was true that Michaela was heir to her grandmother's estate that was one more reason to go after her and reclaim what was rightfully his. This wasn't the kind of thing you accomplished in one week or even in one year. It was going to take determination but one way or another he would have his revenge on AnnaQuinn and if everything worked out he would have Michaela as well.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-three**

**Boston – June 8, 1847**

The air had never seemed quite so sweet to Sully as he made his way home from school. The flowers seemed more vibrant than they had that morning and if possible the grass was more green and lush than he had ever seen it. How was it possible that your surroundings could change so much when the weight of the world wasn't on your shoulders? The first relief had come five days ago when the telegram had arrived from Michaela telling them that Anna was doing much better though she still had a long way to go. Now just thirty minutes ago he had completed his last exam and school was over until September. He closed his eyes savoring the feel of freedom. As nice as it felt here in Boston, he knew it would feel even better when his feet stepped onto the grassy lawn of Anna's house in Cambridge. Two days and he would be leaving Boston for Maryland.

Josef and Michaela had only been gone for a week but to Sully it felt like an eternity. Marjorie had helped him prepare for exams but even her laid back approach to studying made Sully miss Michaela. He knew Michaela would never take it so easy on him but would push and push until he wanted to scream at her. God, he missed her! How good it would feel to rush home to tell her how well he had done on his Latin. He shook his head and pushed himself on towards 10 Mount Street knowing that a carriage waited for him. Today he had an art lesson with Paul and afterward they were going to the museum and to dinner. Paul had arranged it all with Josef before they had found out about Anna's illness. Michaela was supposed to come along as well but Sully knew he would still enjoy the evening without Michaela's presence.

When he arrived home, Marjorie met him in the foyer. "Afternoon, Sully," she greeted him. "It looks like it's just you and me tonight. Mother will still be at the garden club flower show."

"I thought you were going with her," Sully said.

"No, those things are terribly boring," Marjorie replied letting out a laugh. "Besides I thought you could use the company. Exams are over- you should be celebrating, not eating alone."

"I'm going out to dinner with my art instructor tonight," Sully informed her, feeling slightly guilty that he would be abandoning Marjorie.

"Oh well," she said good-naturedly, "it looks like it's just me."

"You could come with us," Sully offered. "Michaela was supposed to come so I know Paul wouldn't mind."

"Are you sure?" Marjorie asked.

Sully nodded his head. "But I should tell ya that we're going to also have a brief art lesson and visit the museum before dinner. There is some exhibit he wants me to see."

"That would be nice. Father used to take us to the art museum when we were younger. I haven't been in ages," Marjorie said, a wide smile forming on her lips.

"I'm gonna change my clothes and then we gotta leave," Sully informed her.

"Okay," Marjorie said as she turned to head up the stairs as well. "I'll try to hurry."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 8, 1847**

The wind whipped Michaela's hair around her face but she didn't care. Somehow standing on the widow's walk of Anna's house she was able to feel closer to Sully. Every day last summer, he would come up here at least once a day to sketch or sometimes to simply watch the boats on the river. You could see amazingly far from this height. The blueness of the sky was almost dizzying it was so bright. It reminded her of Sully's eyes. That was part of the problem. Everything here made her think of Sully. If she sat on the porch swing she would think, this is where Sully first put his arm around me. If she sat in the giant oak in the front yard, she would think this is where Sully liked to sit and draw. If she sat on the pier, she remembered that night Sully had come to her here afraid that she was going to jump off. And if she was out on the sailboat, she imagined Sully laying beside her on the bow holding her hand. When she lay on the grass in the shade of the trees, she would close her eyes and think about him kissing her. That had never happened here but Michaela kept thinking about nonetheless.

Sully's exams were over today and she wondered how he had done. Did he remember all his vocabulary words for Latin? Had he mixed up Plato and Aristotle? Did he double check his essays for spelling mistakes? She sighed longingly as her hands gripped the hand rail. Thinking back to the month of January, she wondered how it was possible they had gone a whole month without speaking. It had only been a week since she had hugged him goodbye and she missed him terribly.

A large sailboat coming up the river caught her attention. Swiftly it cut through the water as the wind puffed out the large white sails. Michaela watched it; the white of the sail standing out against the azure blue sky. The dark waters of the Choptank making the boat sparkle in the afternoon sun. It seemed to slow now and Michaela wondered why. Was it going to dock here? That's when it hit her. Dr. Burke was coming today to check on Anna. Quickly she let herself into the attic through a small door securing it firmly behind her and made her way down the stairs. Josef met her in the foyer and they walked the distance to the dock together.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Burke," said Josef taking him warmly by the hand.

"Dr. Quinn," he returned. "But please you must call me Edward. No need to be so formal out of the hospital."

"I agree. Please call me Josef."

"Good afternoon, Michaela," Dr. Burke said turning to greet her.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Burke. I saw your boat from the widow's walk. It really is impressive," Michaela said smiling at him.

A young man appeared suddenly, jumping over the edge of the boat and landing right in front of Michaela on the pier. "See Father I told you it wasn't ostentatious to bring the big sailboat, just impressive."

Edward shook his head. "Josef and Michaela, this is my son, William. Please forgive his manners. I do believe he left them in Boston."

William turned a little red as his father spoke this last line but he quickly recovered. "Good afternoon, sir," he said shaking Josef's hand. He then turned and smiled widely at Michaela before taking her hand and bowing his head. "And mademoiselle," he said with a playful look in his eye.

"How is Anna doing?" Edward asked Josef as they started back up to the house.

"She is improved some, though there are a couple of things I wanted to ask your opinion about," Josef replied as the two men pulled ahead of Michaela and William.

"Father, tells me you are from Boston?" William said turning towards Michaela as they trailed behind their fathers.

"Yes, we live in Beacon Hill," Michaela answered.

"Not too far from old Harvard then."

"Quite close actually," Michaela agreed as her thoughts once again turned to Sully at the mention of Harvard. She sighed louder than she meant to.

"Sorry, am I boring you?" William asked as they climbed the porch stairs.

Michaela turned bright red. "No, I…" she stuttered.

"I'm just teasing," William assured her as he propped himself up on the porch railing.

Michaela sat in a chair opposite of him. "Sorry, I was just thinking about home," Michaela explained.

"Do you miss Boston?"

"No," Michaela laughed. "But the rest of my family is still in Boston. They will be here in a couple of days."

"So you are missing them?" he asked. Michaela nodded and couldn't help the grin that was spreading across her face. William looked at her quizzically, wondering what secret she was holding. "Did you come out this year at the Debutante Cotillion?" he asked switching subjects.

"No, I'm only fourteen," Michaela said feeling her cheeks warm a little. "My sister, Marjorie did though. Did you attend the cotillion?"

"No, I was studying," he said laughing slightly. "You must think that sounds crazy."

"No, not at all. I would miss a cotillion to study if I needed to."

"That makes you one unique young lady."

"Unique," Michaela giggled.

"What's so funny?"

"My sisters usually prefer words like tomboy, abnormal or just plain crazy."

"Sounds like your sisters don't appreciate a good study session," William replied.

"Let's just say that they think I'm a little too ambitious."

"Ambitious? So what are these ambitions?" William found himself intrigued.

"I want to be a doctor," Michaela replied waiting to gage William's reaction.

"That is certainly ambitious but I suppose the recent admission of Elizabeth Blackwell at Geneva must have excited you."

"Very much," smiled Michaela. "What do you think of women in the medical profession?"

"It would be my pleasure to work with someone of your caliber in the medical profession," William said, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"You don't have to tease me," she said taking his statement the wrong way. Quickly she rose and went to the screen door ready to flee into the house.

"I wasn't teasing," William defended himself. "I was serious."

Michaela turned slightly to look at him. She wasn't sure he was being truthful but she returned to her seat anyway. "Sorry, I guess I stay on the defensive."

"I can understand why. Let's talk about something else."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"Do you sail?"

"A little, a very little. Sully tried to teach me but I'm afraid I wasn't a very good pupil," Michaela confessed.

"Who is Sully?"

"Umm," Michaela found herself in the same difficult predicament as always; how to describe Sully. Of course she knew exactly who Sully was – her best friend and her beloved but neither of those terms seemed to be appropriate at the moment. "It's kind of a long story but basically he lives with us because his parents died."

"So sort of like a brother?"

"No," Michaela said strongly.

"Sorry," he said. "That must be a touchy subject. Well maybe as far as the sailing goes you just need a different teacher."

"Possibly but I think my lack of learning had more to do with me than the teacher," Michaela said still feeling bad for practically yelling at William.

"You seem like you'd make a great student," William said still trying to make up for the earlier misunderstanding.

Michaela laughed. "Sure but it's kind of hard to learn to sail if all you are interested in is laying down on the bow."

"Now the problem becomes clear," William said joining in with her laughter.

Just then the screen door opened and Dr. Burke and Josef stepped out onto the porch.

"Things look promising, Josef. But I agree that we need to get her out of the bed as soon as possible. The longer she remains still the harder her recovery is going to be. How long before you will have to return to Boston?"

"I'm not sure actually. I need to send some telegrams today. I arranged for coverage through the end of this week but nothing beyond that."

"Do you think Ida and John are up to helping with the rehabilitation?"

"I do and I will speak to Michaela's mother about her staying and helping as well." Michaela's heart jumped at these words. The thought that she might be allowed to stay for another summer thrilled her. Yet two things kept her grounded – the fact that her mother was involved in the decision and the lack of a mention of Sully.

"I can't get those other medications over to you before Saturday or Sunday," Edward said.

"I can send John over so that you don't have to come back so soon," Josef suggested.

"Actually we don't mind bringing them. It gives William and me a valid reason to go sailing without my wife complaining that we spend too much time in the boat," Edward laughed as he explained.

"I understand," Josef agreed.

Michaela stood up as it appeared they would be leaving now. "William it was nice to meet you," she said. "And Dr. Burke it was good to see you again as well."

Dr. Burke made a slight bow of his head as William again took her hand. "If you stay this summer, you have to promise that you'll let me at least take you sailing."

"We'll see," Michaela answered as she shook her head.

Josef walked them back down to the boat while Michaela went up to see her grandmother.

Quietly she slipped into her room, in case she had already returned to sleep. When Michaela turned though she saw that Anna was wide awake and it appeared that she was trying to smile at Michaela.

"Good afternoon, Anna," she said as she approached the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Be," Anna managed to get out.

"Better?" Michaela asked as Anna nodded her head slightly. "I am glad to hear that. And everyone else will be too. Sully and Marjorie and Mother will be here in a couple days. Father says he may even let me stay the summer with you. Would you like that?"

"Yea," Anna slurred.

"Good because I would like that too. Dr. Burke came on his own sailboat today. It was really big. His son came with him," Michaela said as she settled herself in a chair beside Anna's bed. Anna raised her right eyebrow at Michaela as if to question this last statement. "William is his son. He attends Harvard. Isn't that funny- I live in Boston but I have to come all the way to Maryland to meet someone who practically lives in my backyard." Michaela laughed and watched as Anna gave the same partial smile.

"Bo?" Anna said pointing with her good hand at the nightstand.

"Would you like me to read to you?" Michaela asked. Anna nodded and settled back against her pillows. Michaela picked up the book. "Let's see where we left off." Quickly she thumbed through the book and found her place. She smiled over at Anna one last time before she began to read.

**

* * *

****Boston – June 8, 1847**

Sully had been right when he had said Paul wouldn't mind if Marjorie tagged along. Paul was so laid back that nothing seemed to throw him off. This was one of the things that Sully enjoyed about him. Sully's art lesson had really been non-existent that day. Instead, Paul drove Sully and Marjorie to his house where he allowed them to look over his own works.

"These are amazing Paul," Sully said as he stood in front of a painting of a river gorge.

"Thank you Sully but really they aren't that amazing. There is a reason that I teach instead of rely on painting as my sole source of income," Paul laughed as he said this.

"I agree with Sully," said Marjorie. "These are amazing. Is this Dante and Beatrice?" she asked standing in front of a picture of a beautiful young woman with a man lovingly looking up at her.

"Yes, Marjorie, it is," said Paul coming to stand beside her.

"The woman is very beautiful. Do you use models when you paint?"

"Sometimes," he answered his face clouding over. "This woman," he said indicating Beatrice, "I modeled after my wife."

"But I didn't think you were married," Sully said as he joined them.

"She died," Paul briefly stated.

"I'm sorry," said Marjorie. "She was very beautiful."

"She was," Paul said a far off look in his eye as he considered the painting before him. "I always used to call her Beatrice and tell her I was Dante because for the longest time she refused to allow me to court her."

"But Beatrice never returned Dante's love, did she?" asked Sully trying to remember what Michaela had told him when she was reading _The Divine Comedy._

"No, it's considered one of the great unrequited love stories. They first met when she was eight and he was nine and supposedly he fell in love with her instantly. She never returned his love though and even married someone else but Dante never stopped loving her even after she died."

"Courtly love," Marjorie said.

Paul looked at her admiringly. "Yes, Marjorie that is exactly it."

"What?" asked Sully who was confused by their conversation.

"During the Middle Ages the idea of courtly love was popular. It was the thought that you could love and admire someone from afar though that love may never be returned," Paul explained.

"Sounds like torture to me," said Sully thinking what it would be like to never speak to nor touch Michaela again.

"Sounds romantic to me," Marjorie said with a dreamy sort of look in her eye. She sighed and turned to look at Paul. Paul didn't notice her though; he was still staring at the painting.

"Are there others?" Sully asked trying to wake both Paul and Marjorie from their silent reverie.

"Sorry," Paul said and turned abruptly. "I think we've seen enough of my passions for one day. Let's head over to the museum and then on to dinner."

The museum was very interesting to Sully. Paul showed Marjorie and Sully around explaining the different styles of painting and asking them both questions about what they saw. Sully really enjoyed the paintings that Paul called the romantics. He explained how they had thrown out the rules of classical painting in order to paint with passion. Paul smiled at Sully as he had explained this and Sully knew what he was trying to convey. Marjorie on the other hand liked the neo-classical paintings the best and even argued with Paul when he claimed they lacked the passion of the romantics. Eventually, Paul simply shook his head and suggested they head to dinner as it appeared Marjorie was not going to concede a point. Sully smiled to himself thinking about Michaela. Marjorie's dogmatism about winning the fight with Paul reminded him of Michaela and made him miss her even more. Would the tenth of June ever get here?

**

* * *

****Boston, 1864**

A light knock came at her door but Michaela did not get up to open it. Lying listlessly on the bed she contemplated the ceiling as fat tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes wetting the bed. The knock came again, this time louder.

"Michaela, please let me come in," Marjorie pleaded through the door.

"The door is open," Michaela called still not moving from her spot on the bed.

Marjorie turned the knob and entered the room, swiftly shutting the door behind her. She looked over at Michaela, noticing her disheveled state and the permanent redness of her eyes. "Michaela, how long are you going to hide up here?"

"I'm not hiding. I'm sick," she replied turning on her side away from Marjorie.

Marjorie sat down on the side of the bed and placed her hand on Michaela's shoulder. "Michaela, look at me," she said gently but Michaela refused to budge.

"He is going to ask me to marry him," she whispered.

"I know," Marjorie said.

"I don't love him."

"I know."

"What am I going to do?" Michaela asked as her body started to shake with her own sobs.

"You are going to tell him just that," Marjorie said as she lovingly stroked her sister's arm. "And then you are going to get on a train and go to Colorado."

"But I can't," Michaela sobbed.

"Michaela, don't you think you've tortured yourself long enough? There comes a point when you stand up and say enough is enough. It's time you made yourself happy," Marjorie paused here feeling her eyes fill with tears. "Don't end up like me Michaela. I was stuck in a loveless marriage when I could have had so much more."

"You really loved him, didn't you?" Michaela asked now turning back towards her sister.

"I did," Marjorie replied. "He called it courtly love because he knew it would never come to anything. I should have fought harder Michaela!" Tears now leaked down Marjorie's cheeks as she remembered her own sacrifices. "Please don't' make the same mistakes I did."

**

* * *

****Boston - June 8, 1847**

Even at dinner that night, Marjorie refused to let the subject of the paintings drop until eventually Paul said," Now do you get this feistiness from your father or mother or is it just because of all that red hair?"

Marjorie blushed and looked down at her untouched plate of food. "Sorry," she whispered.

"Don't apologize," said Paul lightly touching her hand. "I've enjoyed your banter but I think your food is getting cold." Sully tried to conceal a laugh but Marjorie let out a small giggle and before they knew it all three of them were having a hard time catching their breath. People in the restaurant began to stare but no one at their table including Marjorie even noticed.

Marjorie relaxed back in her chair and picked up her fork to begin eating. Sully watched as she secretly cast looks in Paul's direction. Sully smiled to himself as he realized that Marjorie liked Paul. He knew from Michaela that often young girls idolized older men but never had he seen it in action before. Sully studied Paul for a moment who was engrossed in consuming his own meal. He was younger than Josef but still considerably older than Marjorie. Why would Marjorie be interested in a man old enough to be her father? Was he handsome? Sully wasn't exactly sure what girls found attractive in men so he decided he couldn't answer that question.

"Do I have something on my face?" Paul asked suddenly.

"No," Sully said, "why?"

"Because you both keep staring at me," he said.

"Sorry," Sully intoned as Marjorie blushed even deeper. The rest of dinner was rather quiet and before long Marjorie and Sully were alone in their carriage headed towards Beacon Hill.

"Thank you for inviting me to come along," Marjorie said as they moved through the night.

"You're welcome," Sully returned.

"Paul is really nice."

"Mmm-hmm," Sully nodded his head.

"He really knows a lot about art," Marjorie said.

"That is what he teaches at Harvard," Sully reminded her.

"Right," she said quietly. Turning her head, she watched the passing streetlamps and smiled to herself. It had been a very enjoyable afternoon for her. Paul was so nice and handsome and his life had been so tragic. The picture he had made of his wife was etched in her brain and she imagined herself sitting as his model. The thought made her blush and she was glad for the darkness of the carriage.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – June 11, 1847**

The morning sun was already high in the sky when Michaela finally opened her eyes to greet the new day. Her first thought was of Sully and his impending arrival. Her family had left Boston yesterday on the morning train which would put them in Baltimore sometime this afternoon. When she realized how late the hour was she quickly dressed, fearing that John may have already left on the sailboat. Yet the view from her window, showed that not only was their sailboat still there but the Burke's boat was docked there as well.

She slowed down now and took her time. John had not left yet and she wanted to look nice for Sully's arrival. She marveled at how she used to bristle at her mother's attempts to help her improve her appearance. Now her appearance always received more attention and she knew much of that had to do with the way she felt about Sully. After doing her hair and changing into a light blue summer dress that she knew Sully liked, she made her way downstairs to the kitchen to find Ida.

"Morning, Michaela," she said. "I was beginning to think ya was gonna sleep the day away."

"I can't believe I slept as late as I did. When I first woke up I was scared John had already left to go get Sully."

Ida raised an eyebrow at her. "Sully ain't the only one coming child."

Michaela blushed and quickly changed the subject. "Is Dr. Burke here?"

"Sure is and his son too," Ida answered as she set some biscuits and jam in front of Michaela.

Michaela heard her stomach rumble as she contemplated the food before her. "Do you know how much I love your cooking Ida?"

"I have to agree," William said from the doorway with a plate in hand. "The biscuits you sent up to father and I were delicious."

Ida took the plate from him. "Ya two are makin' me blush,' Ida said with a wide smile on her face.

William joined Michaela at the table. "Good morning, sleepyhead," he said. "Do you always sleep half the morning away?"

Michaela made a face at him as she finished chewing on a biscuit. "Well, Mr. Burke let me assure you that my sleeping schedule is none of your concern," Michaela expressed her displeasure.

"I'm just teasing you," William replied.

"Not everyone likes to be teased Mr. Burke."

"Well, Miss Quinn, not everyone is so sensitive."

"Humph!" Michaela said crossing her arms in front of her and refusing to look in his direction.

William laughed at her then which only served to make Michaela angrier. He stopped suddenly, rose from his chair and left the kitchen. Quickly he reappeared in the doorway. "Let's start again," he said. "Good morning, Miss Ida," he began. Ida laughed at him and turned to finish washing the breakfast dishes. "Good morning, Miss Michaela."

Michaela let out an angry breath before speaking. "Good morning, Mr. Burke," she said.

"Please feel free to call me William," he said.

"Okay, Good morning William," Michaela said through gritted teeth.

"Much better."

Michaela took another biscuit and began to eat it as Josef and Edward entered the kitchen. Josef quickly crossed to Michaela and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Morning sweetheart," he said lightly. "Are you ready to go retrieve the rest of the family?" he asked.

Michaela gave him a wide smile as she quickly swallowed the food in her mouth. "Yes, is John leaving now?"

"I'm going to take you," William said jumping into the conversation.

"What?" Michaela exclaimed. "But mother won't like me to be alone unchaperoned," she said her eyes pleading with Josef.

"I know," Josef replied. "Don't worry, John is going with you to help William crew."

Michaela muttered something under her breath before shoving the rest of the biscuit in her mouth. William was annoying but she did want to ride on their sailboat. Besides he would be too busy sailing to have much interaction with her and once they had picked up Sully it wouldn't matter anyway. Brushing the crumbs off her dress, she rose from the table. "When do we leave?" she asked turning towards William.

"If you're ready so am I," he replied moving out of the way so she could pass by.

**

* * *

****Baltimore, Maryland – June 11, 1847**

Michaela stood on the deck of the boat as they pulled into the harbor scanning the docks for any sign of her family. She knew they were early but she looked anyway. The trip across the bay had seemed an eternity as every second that passed brought her closer to seeing Sully again. Had it really only been ten days since they had last seen each other? That didn't seem possible; it felt much more like a month. William and John expertly docked the boat while Michaela continued to scan the faces of those on the dock.

"Michaela, come on, let's go get some lunch while we are waiting," William called.

"But what if they come while we are gone?" Michaela asked.

"There train ain't even into the station yet Michaela," John answered looking up at the big clock that stood across the street. Michaela sighed but followed after them.

"Don't worry, we aren't going far," William assured her. "So who is it that you are so anxious to see, your mother or one of your sisters?"

John and Michaela exchanged a knowing look. "Only one of my sisters is coming," Michaela replied avoiding the question. "The rest of them are married."

"Right," said William as he walked a few paces in front of Michaela and John. They crossed the street and stopped in front of a small café. "I think I better go in and order and we can take the food with us back to the dock," William said looking over at John.

"Why?" Michaela asked.

"I'm not sure they will serve us," William said. Michaela gave him a puzzled look.

John gripped her arm. "He means they won't serve me," he whispered close to her ear.

"If they won't serve John than I'm not eating," Michaela said crossing her arms in front of herself again.

William shook his head. "Just tell me what you want and I'll order and we can take it back to the boat."

"No thank you. I'm not hungry. I had a late breakfast remember," she declared.

William shook his head at her. "John, can I get you something?"

"Nah, I ain't hungry either."

"Okay, well I'll order something for myself," William said and went into the café. Soon he returned with something wrapped up and they set off back to the boat. Time passed slowly as Michaela watched William eat in between her scans of the docks. In the distance, she heard a church bell strike the hour and she began to pace on the deck of the boat.

"You're going to wear a hole in the boat," William teased. Michaela didn't answer him but turned back towards the railing. It was then that she saw the flash of red emerging from the carriage. It was Marjorie and immediately behind her was Sully.

"They're here," Michaela shouted practically running to get off the boat. Once she was on the dock, she took off in their direction. William and John had a hard time keeping up. Elizabeth had just emerged from the carriage as Michaela approached. The first thing she wanted to do was hug Sully but she knew that was out of the question so she threw her arms around Marjorie feeling the need to hug someone.

"Michaela, you're wrinkling my dress," Marjorie scolded her as she pushed her away.

"Sorry," Michaela called over her shoulder as she leaned in to kiss her mother on the cheek.

"It's nice to see you, Michaela," Elizabeth said.

"It's nice to see you too," Michaela said the excitement palpable in her voice.

Michaela turned to Sully now and found she simply could not resist herself. Quickly she threw her arms around him giving him a quick squeeze before letting go. "How were your exams?" she asked her eyes hungrily searching his face.

Sully smiled at her. "Not too bad," he replied.

"What does that mean? I need details," she said as she looked to the side. William and John had now joined the group and Michaela realized introductions were in order. "Mother, this is William Burke. His father is Anna's doctor. William, this is my mother," Michaela said.

"How do you do, Mrs. Quinn?" William said taking her hand and bowing deeply.

"I will be better once this arduous journey is over," she replied.

"This is my sister, Marjorie and this is Sully," Michaela concluded the introductions. William greeted Marjorie in the same manner and then shook hands with Sully.

John reached over and patted Sully on the back. Michaela smiled as she watched them greet each other. After pleasantries had been exchanged all around, the men unloaded the bags and started towards the boat. On the way, Michaela filled everyone in on Anna's progress much to their relief. When they reached the boat, Sully's eyes grew large. "Did ya get a new boat?" he asked John.

John laughed. "Nah, it's Doc Burke's. William brought us over here. He wanted to show Miss Michaela the boat."

Sully turned and looked at Michaela. She saw the brief flash of jealousy in his eyes and wanted more than anything to tell him he had nothing to worry about. There was no time for that now though. Quickly John loaded the luggage while William situated Marjorie and Elizabeth so that they would be comfortable. Michaela sat on the side of Marjorie while Sully helped John and William. As long as the journey to Baltimore had seemed this journey felt even longer. She had been so lonely without Sully's presence for the last week, but having him so close and not being able to talk to him was even worse. Anxiously she glanced at him but he did not look at her and Michaela began to fear what was going through his mind.

* * *

A full moon shown down on the river as Sully and Michaela carefully made their way across the front lawn. Down to the dock they crept with bare feet and only the light of the moon to guide them. It had been a busy day, filled with introductions, brief conversations with Anna, and longer conversations about Anna. Michaela had not had the chance to talk to Sully all day. Desperation had led her to leave a note in his room to meet her on the front lawn after everyone had gone to bed. She knew the risk they were taking but she didn't care. The need to be alone with him was too great. 

Sully followed the bank of the river until he was sure they were out of sight of the house and then he led Michaela to sit down next to him. Gingerly she reached out for his hand and was glad when his fingers closed around hers. "Sully," she whispered into the darkness. "I missed you so much."

"Me too," he sighed caressing her hand with his thumb.

"I don't like William," she said quickly trying to rid his mind of any lingering fears. Sully remained quiet and Michaela grew frightened. "I didn't want to go sailing on his boat. He wanted me to go."

"I know it's silly for me to be jealous," Sully began. "Sometimes I just feel so young."

"I'm young too. Too young for William," Michaela reasoned. "Please don't be upset."

"I'm not upset," Sully assured her. He turned to look at her. "I missed you so much," he repeated.

"And I missed you Sully," she said as a silence settled between them. After a moment she let go of his hand and lay down in the grass.

"What are ya doin'?" Sully asked.

"This past week all I have thought about is you and me. If I was on the porch I thought about us. If I was in the oak tree I thought about us. And when I was lying down under the shade of the trees, I thought about us. About you kissing me," she explained, blushing now.

Sully looked down at her and smiled. "Is this one of those exceptions?" he asked.

"Yes," Michaela said biting her bottom lip.

"Okay, but ya gotta sit up." Michaela gave him a puzzled look. "Trust me it's best if ya ain't layin' down." Michaela caught his drift and hastily sat up.

Lightly she rested her hand on his cheek as he moved towards her. The magic of being close to him began to weave it's way around her heart. She closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly to one side. The kiss was gentle but it left them both hungry for more. Sully knew better though and reminded himself to be patient. Yet neither was willing to let go quite yet so Sully laid his cheek against hers. They sat there together in the night as the river sang its quiet song and the moon shone all around them. No one disturbed their private moment and in the morning no one knew about their night escapade. Yet secret glances told each other that the risk had been worth it.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-four**

**Cambridge, Maryland - June 12, 1847**

As Ida cleared the morning breakfast dishes, Josef looked over at Elizabeth. "Elizabeth, would you join me in the morning room?" he asked with a serious expression on his face. That was his way of saying we need to talk while at the same time warning the children to stay out of the morning room.

"Of course," Elizabeth nodded at him. Josef rose from the table and Elizabeth followed.

As soon as the children were alone, Michaela looked over at Sully. "Sully would you join me at the big oak?" she asked the same serious expression on her face but with a gleam in her eye.

"Of course," Sully said before they both broke into a fit of laughter.

"Children," Marjorie sighed as she shook her head. That only made Sully and Michaela laugh more.

"I was going to invite you to join us," said Michaela "but I wouldn't want you to be seen associating with children."

Marjorie rolled her eyes and picked up the book she had been reading earlier. "I'll be on the porch," she announced to no one in particular before leaving the kitchen. Michaela and Sully followed her out and raced to the oak. Sully helped boost Michaela up onto the lowest branch before pulling himself up after her.

Once he was situated, Michaela turned and smiled at him. "I want to hear all about your museum trip and dinner with Paul. It killed me that I had to miss it."

Sully smiled. "It was nice. He took me and Marjorie to his house…"

Michaela interrupted him at this point. "Marjorie went?"

"Yeah," Sully replied shrugging his shoulders.

"You asked Marjorie to go?" she asked incredulously.

"Michaela she was all alone. Elizabeth was at some garden club thing. I couldn't just leave her there by herself."

"Why not?"

"Cause that would be rude," Sully said getting exasperated. "Why are ya so worried about it anyway?"

Michaela looked away from him and let out an angry breath. "It was supposed to be me going," she said quietly.

"But ya weren't there," Sully returned.

"It just always feels like she replaces me."

"Michaela, she made a fool of herself," Sully said.

Michaela looked up at him now. "Really?" she asked as her curiosity took over. "What did she do?"

"That's what I was tryin' to tell ya," Sully said. Michaela turned slightly red and motioned for him to continue. "He took us to his house and showed us some of his paintings. They were really good. I really liked his nature pictures. The colors were so vibrant in this one of.."

Michaela interrupted again, "I thought you were going to tell me about Marjorie."

"I'm getting to that part," Sully said his voice loaded with frustration.

"Sorry," Michaela said sweetly as she looked up at him from under her eyelashes.

Sully shook his head at her and continued. "So Marjorie goes all moony over some picture of Dante and Beatrice. And she's askin' all these questions about it. Paul goes all quiet but still she keeps pryin'. Anyway eventually he tells us that he modeled Beatrice after his wife who is now dead."

"He was married?" Michaela asked. "I just assumed.." she began.

"Me too," said Sully. "But yeah, he was married. So that's when Marjorie begins to bat her eyelashes at Paul. Then he takes us to the museum which you probably don't care about," Sully said sarcastically. "But I really liked the romantic painters especially William Blake. Anyway Marjorie starts arguin' with him about whether the neo-classical painters lacked passion in their artwork and she won't stop. Paul eventually had to call her down during dinner and then she spent the rest of the time starin' at him. On the carriage ride home, she's talkin' about him all crazy."

"She likes him?" she asked screwing her face up.

"Why else would she be actin' like that?"

"It is Marjorie," Michaela said emphasizing her name.

"But he's soo old," remarked Sully.

"He's a lot younger than father."

"Ya think so?"

"I know so. Father told me the day that we were at Harvard. He's only thirty four."

"But Marjorie's only seventeen – that's half his age."

"Well just because she likes him doesn't mean he's interested in her. It's infatuation pure and simple," Michaela said as if she was an adult. Sully laughed. "Why are you laughing?"

"Cause ya sound like your mother?"

"Now you're going to get it!" Michaela screamed as she lunged for him. Sully quickly jumped down out of the tree and started running across the lawn toward the house. Michaela scrambled down as quickly as she could and pursued Sully around the side of the house just in time to see him run into the barn. Michaela laughed as she sprinted across the backyard. "I know you're in here," Michaela called as she opened the barn door. She stood in the doorway for a second to let her eyes adjust to the dimness of the barn then she stepped inside looking around for Sully. "Sully you should just come out. I know you're in here somewhere," she called again but still there was no reply. Quickly she crossed to the horse stalls but saw no sign of Sully. The cow mooed loudly and it made her jump. "Fine, I'm not spending all day looking for you. You're being childish," she shouted as she began to walk to the barn door.

Suddenly a shower of hay descended on her from the loft. "Ya give up too easy, scaredy cat," Sully called down to her from the loft.

"I'm not scared!" Michaela retorted feeling her cheeks flush. She made her way over to the ladder and quickly climbed up to the loft. "And now you're really going to get it." She lunged for Sully who was kneeling not far from the ladder. Sully hadn't expected her to practically jump on him and he fell back into the hay with Michaela landing on top of him. Stunned momentarily their eyes locked as the reality of how close they were to each other set in. Michaela's body lay completely over Sully's. Their faces were only inches apart and Sully's breathe softly stirred Michaela's hair. Her hand rested on his chest and she marveled at how she could feel his heart beating beneath her fingertips. Sully could feel the softness of her against him and he took a deep breath as his mind raced to things that would embarrass both of them. As if in slow motion, he raised his head slightly bringing their lips even closer together. He felt powerless to stem the reaction of his body.

Sully's slight movement alarmed Michaela and she tensed her body. Fear froze the warm feelings that had cascaded through her body just moments ago. "Sorry," Michaela whispered as she quickly rolled off of him. Her movement only made things worse for Sully and he rolled over on his stomach to hide his excitement. Sully had felt Michaela tense and he wondered if she was aware of his body's reaction. He worried that he had frightened her and instantly he felt guilty for his thoughts.

"Sorry," Sully whispered as extreme embarrassment set in.

"Don't feel bad. It's my fault," offered Michaela. She reached out to place her hand on his back but then thought better of it. Her hand hovered in mid-air as the silence was broken by two shouts piercing the air.

"Sully! Michaela!" Marjorie's voice called out.

"Oh no," Sully muttered dropping his head to rest on his arm. If what had just happened wasn't bad enough, now they were about to be caught like this. Michaela had hay all in her hair and Sully wasn't in a state to greet anyone at the moment. This certainly wouldn't look good.

"Maybe they're in the barn," a male voice said.

"Not him," groaned Michaela. Sully gave her a questioning look as he momentarily forgot his embarrassment. "It's William," she said making a face. "I'll go see what they want."

"Ya got hay all in your hair," Sully told her. Hastily Michaela began to pick it out. "That's better," said Sully as he reached up to grab a few pieces she had missed. He couldn't tell if he imagined it or not but Michaela seemed to shy away from his raised hand.

"I'll be back when I get rid of them," she whispered as she began to descend the ladder. Just then the door to the barn opened and Sully flattened himself against the loft floor.

"What are you doing Michaela?" asked Marjorie as she observed her sister's state of disrepair.

"I was looking for Sully. I thought he ran in here," she said nonchalantly.

"Don't you think you're a little old for hide and seek," William teased from the door.

"I see you haven't learned any manners since yesterday," Michaela huffed as she pushed past him out into the backyard. Marjorie and William followed much to Michaela's relief. "Why were you calling my name?"

"We were looking for you and Sully," Marjorie replied.

"So? You've found me. What did you want?"

"Actually, I was looking for Sully," William chimed in. "Marjorie assumed the both of you were together."

"What do you want with Sully?"

"Maybe that's not any of your business, young lady," William returned with the same bite Michaela had in her own voice.

"Suit yourself." Even though her curiosity was aroused, she turned and headed for the house wishing to draw them further away from the barn.

"I thought you were looking for Sully?" William called to her.

"I am and now I am going to look in the house," she replied never turning around to look at him.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1866**

They stood outside of the bedroom door staring at one another as nerves began to take their toll on both of them. Sully knew they were only making it worse by hesitating. The anticipation, the excitement of the day and the expectations of tonight were all adding to the general feel of uneasiness that seemed to have settled on both of them. Sully shook his head slightly as he tried to rid himself of the feeling. Leaning into Michaela he gathered her in his arms and dipped his head low to place soft kisses to her neck. Michaela squirmed slightly as he hit a sensitive spot and she let out a giggle. Somehow this empowered Sully and he scooped her up into his arms and carried her over the threshold of the bedroom setting her down on the bed.

Michaela smiled up at him, gently biting her bottom lip. There had been many times when they had to stop themselves from going too far. There had been moments when she knew that if he had asked she wouldn't have refused him. Tonight they did not have to stop. They could allow their passion to take control and lead them wherever it might. This strangely thrilled and frightened Michaela all at the same time. She was grateful that Sully had taken the initiative to carry her into the bedroom. If he hadn't, she wondered how long they would have stood outside the door.

Sully was unbuttoning his shirt as he stood in front of her and Michaela began to tremble knowing that every second was bringing them closer to the moment when their bodies would become one. Seeing the doubts on her face, Sully sat down beside her on the bed and leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips in order to reassure her. The light kiss quickly became a heated one as their mouths opened to one another. Gently Sully pulled her down onto the bed.

Michaela felt his hands on the back of her gown working on the buttons and involuntary her body tensed. Sully stopped suddenly, afraid he had frightened her by moving too fast. "Ya okay?" he asked pulling back slightly.

"I'm a little frightened," Michaela admitted as a deep blush settled on her cheeks.

"Of me?"

"No," Michaela breathed. "Of what we're about to do." Sully felt relief wash over him. He wasn't sure what he would have done if she had been frightened of him. "I've never.." her voice trailed off.

"I know," Sully said smiling at her, wondering why she felt the need to admit this now when he already knew. "It's new for both of us," he said softly bringing his hand up to gently stroke her cheek.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 12, 1847**

Elizabeth closed the door of the morning room behind her and slowly pivoted to face Josef. She knew what he wanted to discuss and even though she was dead set against Michaela and Sully staying in Maryland for the summer, she couldn't see how to oppose it without seeming completely heartless. Josef watched her as she walked across the room and took a seat across from him.

"Elizabeth, I know how you feel about this," Josef began already going into defensive mode. "I know your concerns about Michaela and Sully staying here for the summer but.."

"It will be good for Anna," Elizabeth said interrupting him. "I know. I can't begrudge her having her grandchildren around. I'm not heartless though you may think otherwise."

"Elizabeth, that's not what I think," he said tenderly. "Sometimes where Anna is concerned, I think it is hard for you to think clearly but I don't think you're heartless."

"I'm not willing to let them stay unchaperoned," Elizabeth said cutting to the heart of the matter.

"Okay," Josef replied. "Who is going to chaperone? I am going to have to return to Boston eventually. I can't spend the whole summer here. Are you going to stay?"

"Maureen's baby is due next month. I figure I can stay through the rest of June but I want to be back by the first of July. It's her first child and I want to be there for her in those last few weeks," she said.

"I may be able to get coverage for a week in July and maybe a week in August. What do we do for the rest of the time?"

"I already spoke to Rebecca before we left Boston and she said she would come for two weeks in July if we needed her to," explained Elizabeth. Josef knitted his eyebrows as he considered her. It never ceased to amaze him how proactive she was sometimes.

"That still leaves a week in July and the rest of August," Josef reminded her.

"I'll work on Claudette. She could come for a couple of weeks as well."

Josef knew that was a long shot. "Elizabeth do you really think she'll agree to come?"

"Probably not. If nothing else, I'll take Sully home with me when I leave and Michaela can stay for July. Then you can bring Sully back the week you come in August and Michaela can return to Boston then.

"You mean only let one of them stay at a time?" Josef asked.

"Exactly," Elizabeth replied as the idea grew on her.

"That's preposterous. They'll never agree to that."

"All the more reason to make them."

"Elizabeth that is not a viable solution and you know it," Josef said feeling his anger rising.

"It's an option. We don't even know whether we will have to use it."

Josef took a deep breath trying to calm down. "I suppose that is true. We will just have to wait and see what happens."

Elizabeth met his eyes and instantly knew what he was thinking. "I'm not going to change my mind about them staying unchaperoned. I just want that to be clear."

"So basically this is going to be your way or it doesn't happen?" Josef asked.

Elizabeth pursued her lips and shook her head as Josef called her out. "Can we take it one step at a time? I don't' want to fight about this."

"That's fine," replied Josef. "I'll go tell the children they can stay."

"At least for now," Elizabeth added as he rose to leave the room.

"Right," Josef said rolling his eyes as he exited.

* * *

Immediately as Josef left the morning room, he heard the back screen door close. He stepped into the kitchen hoping it was one of the children. Michaela had entered the house with Marjorie and William hot on her heels. The sudden appearance of Josef's face at the kitchen door caused her to jump. "Mike?" Josef asked. "Are you okay? You look like you've been rolling in the hay."

"I tripped in the barn," Michaela mumbled. It felt as if her cheeks were on fire and she was sure her father could see the embarrassment written on her face.

"Good morning Dr. Quinn," William said as he entered the backdoor.

"William? What are you doing here?" Josef asked.

"I was out sailing and thought I'd come down this way. Plus I wanted to ask Sully if he would like to crew for me at the regatta in a couple of weekends. I need one additional person."

"I bet Sully would love that," Josef said. Michaela wasn't so sure of that and she eyed William suspiciously. "Where is Sully?" Josef asked as he looked around the kitchen.

"We don't know. We were just looking for him," Marjorie explained.

The sound of the screen door opening made them all turn around. Sully appeared in the entry way looking almost as disheveled as Michaela. He knew Michaela had told him to stay put until she came back but the more he thought about it, he decided that the possibility of her shaking Marjorie and William was low. Carefully he had stood at the barn door until he heard their voices disappear and then he waited a couple minutes for good measure before leaving the barn.

"Here's Sully," Marjorie said as he opened the screen door and entered. "Where were you?"

"In the woods," Sully said casting a nervous glance at Michaela. He was trying to assure himself that he really hadn't frightened her in the barn. "I heard you calling my name," he added. "Did ya want something?"

"Not me, William," Marjorie said pointing in his direction.

William looked Sully over once and then cast another glance at Michaela, wondering what the two of them had been up to. Michaela couldn't help the blush that spread across her face and she dropped her head hoping no one would notice. Sully had already seen and it made him feel even worse. "What did ya want?" Sully asked turning towards William.

"John had told me that you sailed and yesterday I was quite impressed as you helped on the trip back from Baltimore. I've entered the new sailboat in a regatta but I'm one short for my crew. I'd love to have you join my crew if you're interested." William looked expectantly at Sully.

Sully had barely heard William as he was still worrying about Michaela. "I don't know," Sully shrugged. "I ain't even sure we're staying for the summer."

"Actually yes I think you are. We still have some kinks to work out but that is the plan," Josef said unwilling to tell them Elizabeth's conditions in mixed company.

"So Sully?" William asked.

Sully smiled as he considered the offer. He did enjoy sailing and it would be fun to get to work on a boat as big as William's but he didn't like the idea of William hanging around Michaela. Casually he glanced over at Michaela who gave a slight nod of her head to encourage him. "Sure," Sully answered. "Thanks for askin' me."

William raised his eyebrows at Sully's improper speech. "If you're as good as John says it will be me thanking you. I really think I have a chance to win this year. If you want, we could all go out on the sailboat now, "William suggested indicating everyone in the room. "It would give you a chance to get your bearings."

"I told Anna I would sit with her this morning," Sully said. "Maybe this afternoon if you were going to hang around?"

"I'll keep your sisters company," William said looking from Marjorie to Michaela.

"I'm going to sit with Anna as well," Michaela quickly said not willing to spend anymore time with William for right now. "Come on Sully," she said practically dragging him out the door.

"We'll catch up at lunch," William called to Sully before he disappeared. Sully gave a slight nod of his head before being jerked forward once again by Michaela.

* * *

Now that they were alone again, Sully's worries from earlier returned and it wasn't helped by how quickly Michaela dropped his hand after they exited the kitchen. She didn't even look at him as they started up toward Anna's room. The door was closed but Michaela pushed it open and went inside. Sully followed and Michaela shut the door behind them.

Sully looked over at the bed and noticed that Anna was sleeping. "She's asleep," Sully whispered looking over at Michaela.

"I'm not going back downstairs with William hanging around," Michaela whispered back. "Let's just stay here until she wakes up."

"Okay," he agreed wondering if now was the time to talk about what had just happened in the barn. Silence filled the room as Michaela began to pick brown petals off the flowers in the vase on Anna's dresser. "Michaela?" Sully spoke low so as not to wake Anna.

"What?"

"I'm sorry about what happened in the barn," Sully offered.

"It wasn't your fault," Michaela managed to return but her cheeks once again turned a brilliant shade of red. "I'm the one who jumped on top of you."

"Did I scare you?" Sully asked willing her to look up at him and confirm that everything was okay.

"Not exactly," said Michaela. "I… You told me but I didn't really know," she said finally raising her eyes slightly.

Sully looked at her, his face wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When you told me at Christmas that you got… well… you know."

"Oh," Sully said as he realized what she was talking about.

"I didn't know exactly what you meant but," Michaela stopped. "I didn't mean for that to happen," she said hastily.

Sully turned scarlet as his greatest fear at the moment was realized. Michaela had felt his body react to her. "I didn't mean for it to happen either," Sully whispered.

"I know," Michaela returned. She smiled at him as she realized he wasn't upset with her but embarrassed. "Awkward, huh?" she asked trying to relieve the tension.

"Yeah," Sully returned as relief swept through his body at Michaela's banter.

Anna had awoken and now looked around wondering why Michaela and Sully were in the corner whispering. "Mmichalha," she said trying to call to Michaela. Quickly they both turned to look at the bed.

"Anna," Sully said rushing over to her side. "I hope we didn't wake ya."

"No," Anna managed to get out.

"Good," Michaela said as she settled in one of the chairs at the bedside. Sully took the other one. "How are you feeling?"

"Waer," she said pointing at the glass on her nightstand. Quickly Sully rose and got her some more water, helping her drink it so that she wouldn't spill it on herself.

"Josef says we are gonna get ya a wheelchair soon so you can go outside with us," Sully told her and Anna managed a crooked smile.

"Anna, Sully's been taking art lessons," Michaela said. "Do you want to hear about them?" Anna nodded her head and Sully began to tell her as they spent the morning talking about Boston and all the things that had gone on since they had last seen Anna.

* * *

Down on the porch William and Marjorie sat talking about Boston and enjoying the breeze that was blowing off the river. William droned on about Harvard while Marjorie sat listening intently or at least pretending to listen intently. She found William handsome and kind. This morning when William had surprised her on the porch, she had been thinking about Paul. Rationally she knew that Paul wasn't really a potential suitor but she couldn't explain why her heart began to beat a little quicker when she thought about him. William though was potential suitor material and since he was a student at Harvard that meant Marjorie could see him again after the summer.

As William finished up his discussion of Boston, he decided to ask Marjorie more about Sully. He was curious how someone so rough hewn had come to live with the Quinn's. He seemed more like working class than a society person. "Tell me about Sully," he said looking over at Marjorie.

"What do you want to know?" she replied a little disappointed that William wasn't focusing more on her.

"He just seems so different from your family. How did he come to live with you?"

"His mother died and our father was the attending physician. Michaela was at the hospital with him of course," she said as she rolled her eyes. "She met Sully and apparently comforted him. Anyway when it was time for him to go to the orphanage our father decided he was going to come live with us."

"Interesting," remarked William. "How long has he been with you?"

"A year and a half."

"What's up with him and Michaela?" William asked innocently.

Marjorie gave him a little smirk. "What do you mean?"

"Well I called Sully her brother the other day and she practically jumped down my throat. I assumed that she must not want him to be her brother. Possibly that she didn't like the fact that he was living with your family. But yesterday she seemed so excited to see him and this morning.." William drifted off as he thought again about their behavior. Something had been going on between the two of them this morning that he was sure of.

"She likes him just fine," said Marjorie not volunteering anymore information.

William looked at her. "There's something else isn't there?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," she said smiling at him.

William just shook his head at her but returned the smile. "I have a feeling this is going to be a very interesting summer."

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-five**

**Cambridge, Maryland - June 16, 1847**

Marjorie and Michaela sat on the deck of the sailboat watching as William and his crew including Sully practiced for the regatta. They had been at it for two hours now and Marjorie was bored to tears. Michaela on the other hand was enjoying being out on the water and had brought a book to keep her occupied.

"Are you going to keep your nose stuck in that book all day?" Marjorie asked.

Michaela lowered her book and looked at Marjorie. "So what if I do?"

"I'm bored. I want you to talk to me."

"You should have brought a book," Michaela informed her going back to her reading.

"I didn't think they would practice for this long. William promised to show me the Annapolis harbor," Marjorie whined.

"He promised to show all of us the harbor," Michaela reminded her.

"He couldn't very well just invite me, now could he? That would be improper and it would also be very rude to you and Sully."

"That never stopped him before," Michaela mumbled under her breath but Marjorie heard her anyway.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think he's rude and obnoxious all the time," Michaela said a little louder than she meant to. Quickly she looked around to make sure William wasn't in earshot.

Marjorie cast her a disapproving look. "So I guess that means you aren't interested."

"In William?" Michaela asked incredulously. "You've got to be kidding. Besides Marjorie you know…" she hesitated not really wanting to address her relationship with Sully at this moment.

"Just making sure," Marjorie said smiling widely. "You never know when trouble in paradise may strike. Anyway you two need to be more careful. William was asking me all sorts of questions the other day."

"About Sully and me?" Marjorie nodded. "Tell him to keep his nose out of other people's business."

"Stop rolling around in the barn with Sully and I won't have to," Marjorie returned.

"We weren't rolling around in the barn," Michaela said her face blushing deeply. "We fell."

"Right," Marjorie said disbelievingly. "I'm not stupid Michaela. The way you both looked when you came out. The way you blushed when someone mentioned the barn. I must say I am surprised. I really thought you'd be a little more prudish."

Michaela began to grow angry, partly because Marjorie didn't believe her and partly because she had just called Michaela a prude. "First off, I don't see where it's any of your business. Then I want to make it very clear that we weren't doing anything wrong."

Marjorie smiled knowingly at her. "So is he a good kisser?" she couldn't resist asking.

"Marjorie!" Michaela exclaimed knowing that her cheeks were again turning a brilliant shade of red.

"He has kissed you, hasn't he?"

"That is none of your business!" Michaela huffed.

"Probably not, he is only twelve after all, and you are - well let's see how do I put this nicely - a little boyish," Marjorie teased knowing she was making Michaela angrier all the time.

"Just because I don't go around kissing every guy who smiles at me, doesn't mean…" Michaela stopped suddenly as she realized what Marjorie was up to.

"Doesn't mean what?" Marjorie smiled at her knowing Michaela had already incriminated herself more than she intended.

"Never mind," Michaela said as she got up and walked to the back of the boat ducking under the sail on her way. Marjorie watched her walk away and wondered exactly what had been going on with her and Sully the other day. Were they kissing? She looked over at Sully briefly and reminded herself that he was only twelve. Yet Marjorie had seen firsthand how much more mature he was then even boys her own age. What exactly had her and William almost walked in on? That thought would have probably kept her preoccupied for awhile if she hadn't noticed that William had made his way over to where Michaela was sitting in the back of the boat. Marjorie wasn't the only one watching though – Sully had also noticed.

"Are we boring you?" William asked Michaela as he sat down beside her on the deck.

"No," Michaela answered scooting herself away from him.

"We are going to bring her into dock now and then I can show you and Marjorie Annapolis."

"Good."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine."

"Are you going to speak more than one word at some point during this conversation?"

"Are you going to learn some manners at some point during this summer?"

William laughed. "You know I've never met a girl who makes me laugh half as much as you do." Michaela rolled her eyes. "Can I ask you something?" he said suddenly turning serious.

"I don't know- can you?" Michaela returned smiling smugly.

"Point taken," William said. "May I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Does your sister have a beau in Boston?"

"No and she likes you if you're thinking about courting her."

"Really?" William asked.

"Really," Michaela assured him. On the inside Michaela was really happy that William liked Marjorie and she hoped that meant he would stop annoying her. "Look she's already getting jealous because you're talking to me and not her," Michaela pointed over at her sister as she said this. William looked up just in time to see Marjorie glare at Michaela before turning her head.

"Thanks mademoiselle" William said as he grabbed her hand and gave it a little kiss teasingly. Michaela bristled at this small contact with him.

"Don't you have a crew to order about?" she said her annoyance with him shining through.

"Touchy," William said as he rose. Michaela looked around to see Sully staring at William and she realized he had seen the whole conversation including the brief kiss. She knew Sully was slightly jealous of William even though she had assured him there was no reason to be. The look on his face told her that he wasn't happy that William had kissed her hand. Purposely Michaela rose and strode across the deck. She needed to speak to Sully before he did or said something rash. Marjorie was right about one thing – they needed to be more careful and Sully assaulting William would be all too telling. Her mind was singly focus as she walked and she didn't hear the call of "ready to jibe" and then "jibe-ho" as the boat changed direction. The boom swung across the boat and Sully turned just in time to watch as it smacked Michaela in the back of the head.

For Sully the incident was in slow motion, the boom hit her and made a horrible sound as Michaela crumpled to the floor of the boat. Sully felt as if his feet were made of lead and he could not get to her fast enough. Though to him it felt like an eternity, he was the first at her side.

"Michaela," he called as he knelt beside her. Her eyes were shut. "Michaela," he called again hoping she was going to come around any moment. Someone secured the boom and William and Marjorie joined Sully at Michaela's side.

"She's out cold," William said.

"That's obvious," Sully replied feeling irritated at William's mere presence. Tears began to sting his eyes but he hastily wiped them away uttering a silent prayer to heaven.

"She's breathing," William said as he placed a hand in front of her nose. Gently he rolled her over onto her side. Blood could already be seen on the deck and Sully just knew it was bad. "We need to get her to a doctor," William stated. "And we need to stop the bleeding if we can."

Quickly Sully ran and retrieved a towel from the front of the deck. He returned and William helped to rest Michaela's head on his leg while he applied pressure to the wound on her head with the towel. "Where are we gonna take her?" Sully asked.

"My house," William said. "We live just off the Severn River. It won't take us long to get there. Just keep the pressure on there," Sully nodded at him. William stood giving directions to the rest of the crew that had now gathered. Marjorie stayed by Sully's side as tears began to leak down her own cheeks. She felt guilty for teasing her sister earlier and for being angry with her when she had seen William talking to her. What if Michaela was seriously injured?

Sully gently stroked Michaela's cheek as he continued to hold the towel to the back of her head. Even though he knew she probably couldn't hear him he also whispered to her. "Michaela, just hold on. We're gonna get ya help."

Marjorie looked over at him and saw the tears which now ran down his face dropping into Michaela's hair. Gently she laid her hand on his back trying to comfort him. Inside of her it felt like a war was going on. She was worried about Michaela but jealous of her all at the same time. Jealous of William's attention but also of the fact that Michaela had someone who adored her so much that he was crying over her injuries.

The ride to William's house felt like an eternity when in truth it was only about thirty minutes. The crew worked quickly to dock the boat while William ran to retrieve his father. Within moments Dr. Burke was bending over Sully and Michaela gently removing the towel that Sully held to her head. Michaela moaned and Sully looked down to see her eyelids flutter open.

"Sully," she called weakly.

"Michaela," Sully replied his voice thick with relief.

Michaela tried to move but her head felt heavy and ached terribly. "Don't try to move Michaela," said Dr. Burke. "Let's get her inside so I can assess her condition. William," Dr. Burke beckoned William over to carry her. Sully bristled at the thought of William carrying her into the house but he knew logically that it couldn't be helped. William leaned down and gently pulled Michaela into his arms cradling her injured head against his shoulder.

"Sully?" Michaela said drowsily.

"I'm right here," Sully reassured her.

"Michaela try to stay awake," Dr. Burke told her.

"But I'm so sleepy," she said.

"I know but try," he repeated. Slowly they made their way up from the dock to the lawn and finally to the house. Michaela was laid on a settee in the sitting room and Dr. Burke asked everyone to leave while he examined her. Sully wanted to stay but Marjorie grabbed his arm and directed him out of the room.

As with everything else that afternoon, waiting for Dr. Burke to emerge seemed to take forever. William paced back and forth in the hall muttering to himself. Sully sat on the stairs with his head leaning against the wall with Marjorie at his side. She was watching William as he muttered to himself under his breath. Marjorie had thought that William was interested in her but now she wasn't so sure. He seemed to be almost as upset as Sully. Marjorie felt disappointed at what she perceived as a rejection. Then she felt guilty for thinking about any of this while Michaela lay injured in the next room. In addition to that she knew that Michaela would have been safely in the front of the boat with her if she hadn't been teasing her. Marjorie couldn't help but feel this was her fault.

Sully was questioning why Michaela hadn't heard the commands. He knew William had called out "Ready to jib" loud and clear. Where was Michaela's mind that she hadn't been paying attention? Then Sully remembered – right before she had been hit, William had kissed her hand. Michaela was walking toward him – probably to reassure him. It was his fault she had been hit in the first place. Though Sully realized this thinking wasn't exactly logical he couldn't help but blame himself.

William was also feeling guilty but his guilt was mixed with fear. Things had been going so well this summer and he didn't want an incident like this to ruin it. He had hoped to make a good impression on Dr. Quinn. He knew that there was an internship available with Dr. Quinn and William had really hoped that this summer would help to land him that position. If William couldn't even prevent one of his daughters from being hurt, what hope would he have of impressing Josef? It was his fault this had happened. Why hadn't he looked around again before he had called "jib-ho".

They all held their breath as they heard the door to the sitting room open and Dr. Burke emerge. He looked around at the three anxious faces. "She is doing fine," he said trying to relieve some of their anxiety. "We need to observe her for the next few hours to make sure there is no internal bleeding but right now it looks like there isn't any. She has a slight concussion and so we need to keep her awake. You can help with that by sitting with her, though I suppose someone will need to go and tell Josef what has happened. I think it would be best if she stayed here for the night."

"My father returned to Boston, yesterday," Marjorie said. "Mother is at Anna's still."

Dr. Burke nodded. "There isn't any reason for her to come here, I don't believe. It's getting rather late in the day. I think maybe the best course of action would be to have William take Sully back to Cambridge so they can tell Elizabeth. Then William you stay there for the night. I don't want you sailing in the dark. Marjorie can stay here with Michaela."

The three of them looked at one another, each ready to protest the arrangements but each knowing that they didn't really have a valid reason for the protest.

"Can I see her before we leave?" Sully asked.

"Sure," Dr. Burke said moving to the side so Sully could enter the room.

Michaela brightened as soon as she saw him. "Sully," she said her voice like music to his ears.

"Michaela," he said kneeling down beside the settee. "I was so scared."

"Sorry," she said. "I didn't hear the commands. I was coming to tell you.."

"I know and I feel bad about that."

"Don't, William shouldn't have done that but he was just playing around like he always does. He told me he likes Marjorie."

"Really?" Sully said feeling completely relieved. Michaela started to nod her head but stopped as it throbbed with even the slightest movement. "Is it bad?" Sully asked as she winced in pain.

"It really hurts. Guess I'm lucky it wasn't worse."

"I guess so," Sully said smiling at her. Quickly he glanced over his shoulder and saw that Dr. Burke had closed the door after he entered. After ascertaining that they were alone, he took her hand in his. "William's going to take me back so we can tell Elizabeth what happened. Marjorie is going to stay here with you."

"Why can't you stay?"

"Michaela," Sully said giving her a look.

"I know," she sighed squeezing his hand. She looked over towards the door before she spoke again. "Maybe you could kiss it and make it better," she said teasingly.

Sully laughed. "I see your injury hasn't hurt your sense of humor." She smiled at him and closed her eyes. "Uh-uh," Sully said. "If ya close your eyes, ya might go to sleep and Dr. Burke said ya have to stay awake."

"I've never kissed you with my eyes open," she whispered feeling her face flush.

"I have," Sully said.

"When?"

"The first time we kissed on the Common. I was afraid ya were gonna move and I'd miss your lips so I kept my eyes open."

Michaela laughed. "I am always up for new experiences."

Sully glanced behind him once again and then quickly leaned down. Their eyes locked as their lips met and Michaela felt as if she had seen down into his soul. He pulled back quickly, afraid that at any moment someone would walk in.

"Any better?" Sully asked.

"I love you," Michaela said suddenly.

"Is that the head injury talkin'?"

Michaela sighed dreamily. "Probably." The door opened then and Sully hastily let go of Michaela's hand.

William crossed the room noticing how close Sully was to Michaela. "Michaela," he said tentatively as Sully backed away. "I'm real sorry you got hit."

"It's not your fault William," she said still looking at Sully wishing William wouldn't have barged in on their private moment.

"I didn't see you," he continued.

"And I didn't hear the call," Michaela said.

"I should have been more careful," William said as if he hadn't heard Michaela.

"How come it takes me getting almost killed for you to learn some manners?" Michaela asked as even his apology was getting annoying.

Michaela's comment startled William. "See you're still just as feisty as before," he commented. "On that note, are you ready to go Sully?"

"Sure," Sully said smiling at Michaela. William turned to leave as Sully moved closer to the settee again. "Take it easy," he said as his eyes roamed over her face memorizing every part.

"Hurry back," she returned then bit her bottom lip. Sully gulped at the feelings that raced through him. Somehow the fear from earlier had heightened everything he was feeling. "I have a feeling the rest of the family is as annoying as William." Sully laughed unwilling to look away from her eyes. "You better go," Michaela said.

"Right," Sully answered as he slowly got up from his position and walked backwards to the door. Marjorie had already entered the room and he ran into her. This finally broke their connection and Michaela at once felt cross with Marjorie though she hadn't really done anything. "Bye," Sully called again from the door before leaving.

* * *

The ride back to Cambridge with William was conducted in almost complete silence. It took William and Sully working together to manage the sails and steering. Sully felt utterly exhausted by the time they arrived at the dock at Anna's. John came out to help and Sully took the opportunity to run to the house and let everyone know what was happening. Anna sat on the porch in her wheelchair with Ida at her side.

"Sully," Ida said. "Where are the girls?"

"Michaela got hurt," he began.

"Michaela?" Anna said perfectly as concern clouded her face.

"She's okay Anna," Sully replied going to the older woman's side.

"What happened?" Ida asked.

"We were bringing the boat about and she didn't hear William call the command. The boom swung around and hit her on the back of the head."

"Oh my goodness," said Ida. "That poor child."

"She's at Dr. Burke's house. He wanted her to stay the night."

"Sully?" Elizabeth appeared at the door. "Why are you back so late?"

"Michaela got hurt," Sully started to explain again. By now William and John had arrived on the porch as well.

"What happened?" Elizabeth asked and Sully repeated the same answer he had given Ida and Anna.

"That girl's lucky," said John. "It's a wonder that boom didn't crack her head in two."

"Harrrd headed," Anna managed to get out and then a low laugh.

"She is rather hard headed," agreed Elizabeth as everyone joined in with the laughter.

"I'll say," William said. Sully made a face at him. Even if it was true, he didn't want William talking about Michaela like that. "I hope it won't be too big of an imposition but I will need to stay the night since it's so late."

"That'll be no problem at all," said Ida. "I'll just go get a room ready for ya." Ida rose and left the porch.

* * *

Later that evening, Sully sat on dock enjoying the night breeze and thinking about Michaela. The river's song mesmerized him and he laid on his stomach letting his hand hang over the edge of the pier as he reached for the water.

"That could dangerous," William's voice called breaking Sully's private thoughts.

"What?" Sully asked, sitting up suddenly.

"Hanging your hand over the dock," William said but with a mischievous look on his face.

"Why?" Sully asked.

"Don't you know about mermaids and how they try to lure sailors to their death?"

Sully rolled his eyes. "Sure," he said.

William sat down beside him. "It's awful quiet here without the girls, huh?"

"Yeah," Sully agreed.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" William asked looking over at Sully.

"Depends on what it is," Sully returned wondering what was coming.

"Fair enough," William said. "Do you think Josef will be upset about what happened to Michaela today?"

"Worried but not upset. Why?"

"I was hoping to do an internship with him. I really wanted to make a good impression," William explained as he nervously played with a rope tied to the pier.

"He wouldn't blame ya for what happened today," Sully assured him.

"Do you think? He seems so protective of Michaela."

"He is. Michaela is gonna be a doctor just like him. She is like the son he never had," Sully explained.

"What about you?" William asked.

"What about me?"

"Isn't Josef going to adopt you?" Sully stayed silent as he considered how to answer William's question. "Sorry, I don't mean to be so curious. I can't help but wonder though."

"I don't wanna be adopted," Sully finally said.

"Why not?" William asked and then laughed. "See I just can't help myself."

"It's hard to explain," Sully returned looking up at the stars in the sky.

"Don't you want a family?"

"Just cause I'm not legally adopted, don't mean I'm not part of their family."

"I guess but as the only male you would stand to inherit everything," William pointed out.

"Some things are more important than money," Sully whispered as his thoughts drifted to Michaela. William looked over at Sully and saw the far away look in his eye. He had so many questions but he knew it would be useless asking Sully. The looks that had been exchanged by Michaela and him were magical – there was no other way to describe it. They spoke their own language to each other without even opening their mouths. How wrong he had been when he had assumed Michaela and Sully didn't get along. If they weren't so young he would have believed they were lovers. Today when he had disturbed them after Michaela's injury, he felt almost as if he was intruding on some private moment meant only for the two of them. There was something in the way that she smiled at him. This was silly he thought. Sully's only twelve – how could they possibly be in love?

After sometime, William broke the silence. "Sully how well do you know Marjorie?"

"She's kind of hard to know," Sully said honestly.

"Michaela told me today that she doesn't have a beau. I'm thinking of asking her to accompany me to the regatta party. Do you think she would come?"

"Yeah," Sully said. "She loves things like that."

"Good," William said smiling to himself. He did like Marjorie though he found her a little boring. Michaela wasn't certainly more interesting but she was too young for him. Yes, it would be Marjorie who would help him get into her father's good graces.

**

* * *

****Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado – 1857**

They walked along in silence holding hands. Sully enjoyed the warm sunshine and fresh air as well as Michaela's presence at his side.

"I still can't believe you're here," he said stopping to pull her close.

"I had to come. When I received the telegram from Daniel saying you were trapped. Oh Sully, I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you." Michaela laid her head on his shoulder.

"Don't think about that anymore. I'm safe and that's all that matters."

"Please promise me you won't go back to mining," Michaela whispered knowing that Sully already planned to return.

"Michaela, we've already discussed this." Sully released her now and turned his back towards her. "I'm never gonna get enough money if I don't."

"Enough money for what?" Michaela asked knowing the answer.

"For you and me to start our life together. We agreed – you'd finish medical school and I'd work and save. Then we could be together." Sully turned back around to look at her.

"Sully I have the money Anna left me."

"You know how I feel about that," Sully said angrily.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Michaela shouted wondering how this peaceful walk had quickly gone so wrong. "There are things more important than money."

Michaela's words hit him right in the heart. She was right there were many things more important than money and the most important one was standing right in front of him. He stepped closer to her again. "Let's not talk about this," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "We ain't gonna settle it right now. And I want to enjoy this walk with ya."

"Okay," Michaela consented though she knew they were just avoiding the issue. Lightly he began to stroke her back. Michaela felt weak in the knees and wrapped her own arms around his torso.

"I love you," he whispered kissing the sides of her mouth.

"I love you too," she returned as her desire to feel his lips on hers overtook her.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 6, 1847**

It is amazing how quickly summers fly when they are spent in the sunshine with all the people you love. Michaela came home the day after the injury with no swelling, though she did have a bad headache for several days afterward. Sully was relieved to say the least. William asked if he could escort Marjorie to the party after the regatta and she was thrilled with the invitation. Just as promised, Josef returned from Boston at the beginning of July. He found Anna much improved and he couldn't help but marvel at her progress. Her speech was fairly clear and she was able to feed herself for the most part. There were still improvements to be made but Josef felt sure having the children here had helped immensely. Two days after Josef arrived, Elizabeth left for Boston to be with Maureen who was miserable in the summer heat and was making everyone else miserable as well.

The regatta was held the weekend after Josef arrived and everyone was excited about the race while Marjorie was excited about the party. The whole family had been invited but only Marjorie was going to attend. Josef had decided that they would take Anna to see the race and staying for the party would simply be too much for her. This meant Marjorie was not only staying for the party but as the Burke's house guest for the weekend which only added to her excitement.

The morning of the regatta was bright and clear. Everyone's spirits were up as they boarded the boat for Annapolis. Ida had packed enough food to feed a small army and Sully and Michaela were making trips back and forth from the house to finish loading it all. Marjorie was frustrated because she had to carry her own bags down to the boat but no one paid her any mind. Josef brought Anna down to the dock with John's help. They had decided that Anna's wheelchair wouldn't be much use today and so they had carried her onto the boat and situated her in the seats at the back.

"Sully would ya mind running back to the house," Ida asked, "I forgot to bring the tea. It's in a jar on the kitchen counter."

"Woman, don't ya think we got enough?" John asked getting a little exasperated.

"When the drinks get low it'll be you who doesn't get anything to drink," Ida snapped back but there was playfulness in her eyes.

John winked at her. "There's the little ray of sunshine I married." Everyone laughed as Sully returned to the house for the tea.

Finally everyone was loaded and they set off up the Choptank headed for the bay. Sully was sitting beside Michaela on the bow. John had told him to rest himself for the race but as they got closer Sully became antsy.

"Why don't you go help John," Michaela suggested.

"He said I should rest."

"I know but you are just making yourself sick with worry. It would be better to stay occupied."

Sully looked over at her and smiled. "I wish I could get a kiss for luck," he whispered.

"I bet you do. It seems that our exceptions are getting more and more frequent Master Sully," Michaela teased.

"I know," Sully said dropping his eyes to the floor of the boat. "Guess we aren't being very patient."

Sully raised a good point and though Michaela had been teasing she knew there was something else that needed to be said. "We haven't been very careful either."

"I know. People are startin' to be suspicious. William's always watchin' us."

Michaela sighed. "It's so hard sometimes. I don't even think about what I'm doing."

"Yeah," Sully agreed knowing that even now they sat too close together. "But we gotta make an effort."

"We will," Michaela said unable to resist smiling at him. "Now go help John before your nerves are totally frazzled." Sully returned the smile and went to help John.

* * *

There were four boats competing in the regatta and each was just as large as the Burkes. John had anchored their sailboat near the other spectator boats after dropping Sully at the dock. Michaela had joined the rest of the family in the stern of the boat as Ida started dishing out fried chicken and biscuits as a pre-regatta treat.

"When do we have to go back to Boston?" Marjorie asked her father in between bites of food.

"You can go back anytime you want," Josef returned. Elizabeth and he had already discussed the fact that Marjorie would probably want to come home earlier than Sully and Michaela.

"I don't want to go back," Marjorie replied. Josef gave her a confused look. "How long are Sully and Michaela going to stay?"

"Until they need to return for school," Josef said.

"Mother is okay with that?" Michaela asked really hoping that what her father had just said was going to come true.

"Your mother's only concern is that you would be a burden on Ida and John while they are caring for mother," Josef lied.

"Them children ain't never been a burden," Ida said looking over at Josef.

"I know but Elizabeth does worry so. Anyway, she wanted someone to stay with you. Rebecca is going to come and bring the children next week when I leave. She will probably stay two weeks. I will come again in August and then you will have a special visitor."

Marjorie and Michaela exchanged looks with each other before looking back at Josef. "Who father?" Michaela asked as the possibilities raced through her brain.

"Paul, Sully's art instructor." Now this name had a different effect on the two girls. Michaela was excited especially for Sully. She knew he had been missing his weekly lessons and this would be a great opportunity for some one on one time with Paul. Marjorie, who hadn't thought about Paul ever since William had asked her to the regatta, now, felt her heart racing. "Paul saw some of Sully's pictures of Maryland and he wanted to see it for himself. When he told me that, I asked if he would mind keeping an eye on you in return for a chance to see Maryland."

"And he agreed?" Michaela asked. Josef nodded. "And Anna agreed?" Michaela turned to look at her grandmother.

"Why wouldn't I?" she said with that old familiar sparkle in her eye. "I'm surprised Elizabeth agreed," Anna added.

"She seemed to think he qualified as a responsible adult," Josef said not bothering to mention the fight that Elizabeth and he had over this issue. Elizabeth had finally consented but only if Josef allowed her to warn Paul about watching Sully and Michaela. Seeing no other alternative, Josef had given in. "He will bring his daughter with him," Josef said.

"He has a daughter?" asked Marjorie.

"Yes. I believe she's eight. She was away at school when you and Sully visited his house but she stays with him in the summers."

"Race is startin y'all," John informed them.

Everyone turned to watch as two sailboats readied themselves. This was the first of two rounds. William's boat was scheduled for the second round. Then the winner of round one would race the winner of round two to decide the victor. Michaela thought about Sully as they watched the first round and worried that he was getting too nervous. Marjorie's mind was miles away from the race. Paul was going to come and stay with them. He would be sleeping right down the hall from her. Marjorie couldn't explain it but this news excited her and made her nervous all at the same time. As most young girls do when it comes to infatuation, she did not logically think about their age differences or about the fact that he had a daughter. Instead, she imagined Paul asking her to sit as a model for a painting; maybe in the moonlight down by the river. She imagined him confessing his undying love for her as they sat on the porch. She wouldn't have even noticed when William's boat came up to race if it hadn't been for Michaela's nudging her.

Everyone was on the edge of their seat but it was clear right from the beginning that William's boat would win. They took an early lead and managed to hold it throughout the race. Michaela clapped her hands and screamed loudly into the air as she watched them win the first round. The rest of the boat joined in cheering Sully and the rest of the crew.

Now it was time for the final race and Michaela felt her own nerves increase. Looking over at Marjorie she noticed the far off look in her eye and thought that she must be just as nervous for William.

"Do you think they can win?" she said nudging Marjorie again.

"What?" Marjorie asked as Michaela again brought her back to reality.

"Do you think William's boat is going to win?"

"I hope so," Marjorie said but it was clear to Michaela that she hadn't been thinking about the race.

A gunshot pierced the air and the boats were off again. This time William's boat fell behind early on and Michaela grew afraid that they would not be able to make up the difference. At this point the real waiting began because now the boats were too far to be seen by the spectators on the boats. As they rounded the turn, Michaela could tell that the other boat was still in the lead but not by much. Michaela smiled to herself as she remembered that Sully had told her that with the wind today the last part of the race would be the place to make up time. Quickly now the boats came, sails flapping in the wind as the invisible force pushed them on. William's boat pulled slightly ahead but then was overtaken again. They were closer now and she could see the crew scrambling on the deck as they adjusted the sail to catch more wind. Whatever they did worked for suddenly it was as if William's boat grew wings – they flew past the other boat. Cheers went up from the shore and from boats nearby as William's boat won the regatta. Michaela was jumping up and down before she ran to give everyone hugs. She couldn't wait to see Sully.

John brought their sailboat to the dock and Michaela was the first one off, fighting her way through the crowd to find Sully and the others. William spotted her first and gave her a quick hug.

"Where's Marjorie?" he asked expectantly.

"She's coming," Michaela said.

"Sully's over there," William informed her knowing that was who Michaela was looking for. Michaela ran off in the direction he pointed as a light blush settled on her cheeks. The crowd pressed in close and as she ascertained that no one was really watching, she greeted Sully with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"See you didn't need any luck," she said pulling back but grabbing his hand in the process.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-six**

**Annapolis, Maryland – July 6, 1847**

"Where are we going?" Sully protested as Michaela began to pull him through the crowd.

"To see everyone else silly," Michaela said turning briefly as she continued to pull him back towards the place where the Quinn's boat was docked.

As soon as Josef saw Sully, he wrapped his arms around him in a huge bear hug and lifted him off the ground. "Sully, I am so proud of you," he said as he set him back down.

"Thanks, Josef," Sully replied turning red with all the attention he was receiving.

"You done real good," Ida told him as she gave him a hug as well.

John slapped him on the back. "Knew you would." Sully smiled up at John, grateful for the confidence that he placed in him.

"Thank you all." Quickly Sully slipped over the rail of the boat and went to Anna who was waving him over.

"Congratulations, Sully," she said reaching out her hand to him. Sully took it in his and then hugged her lightly with his free arm.

"Anna, I didn't think we would win that last race. It was like we got too sure of ourselves after winning the first round."

"But you did," Anna said smiling widely, her grin still a little crooked.

"Yes, we did."

Anna squeezed his hand. "You better get back on the dock; I think you'll have a few more people who want to offer their congratulations."

Sully returned the squeeze and then went back to the dock. As he climbed off the boat, he glanced over and saw William hugging Marjorie with a wide smile on his face. He whispered something in her ear and Marjorie giggled but shook her head no. William let go of Marjorie quickly and stepped back giving her a confused look. As he turned he spotted Sully watching him and hastily made his way over to where Sully and the Quinn family stood.

"Congratulations," Josef offered as William joined them.

"Thank you sir," William replied the smile returning to his face. Marjorie joined the group now as well, looking slightly flushed. "Sully, we need to go to the judge's stand so they can present us with the cup."

"Right," Sully said looking at Michaela. Slowly the whole group besides Anna and Ida made their way closer to the judge's stand. Sully and William met up with the rest of the crew. The judges declared them the official winners and William received the sailing cup. Shouts went up from the crowd as William started to speak.

"I just want to thank my crew who helped make this victory possible. I know people thought we were awful young to be racing against more experienced sailors but I think we proved today that sometimes youth can be on your side." Laughter went up from the crowd as William stepped down but held the cup up high. More shouts and clapping were heard as they descended the platform.

Dr. Burke made his way over to where the Quinn family stood. "Josef," he said giving him a light slap on the back. "Must be proud of that boy of yours."

"You too, Robert." Josef held out his hand to him. As they shook hands, a woman appeared at his side.

"This is my wife, Julia" Dr. Burke announced to the group.

"Dr. Quinn," she said demurely extending her hand to him. Josef took it and gave a small bow as his eyes never left her face. She was a very beautiful woman.

"I believe I owe you and your husband my gratitude for looking after Michaela," Josef offered as he wrapped his arm around his youngest daughter.

"It was no problem," Julia returned. "Your daughters are both charming. And it appears that my son is quite interested in one of them." She looked over at Marjorie as she said this and Marjorie blushed but more with guilt than anything else. Earlier William had hugged her and asked if he could kiss her. Marjorie had told him no as her own thoughts were still muddled with Paul. She knew logically that William was right for her in so many ways but she wanted someone to adore her like Sully adored Michaela and somehow she had gotten it into her mind that Paul could love like that. She was blind to the fact that William was genuinely attracted to her and did have feelings for her. For him it had started out as a way to get closer to her father but he now had begun to think more seriously about Marjorie.

William and Sully joined the group now. Sully went to Michaela's side where she gave him one of her smiles before looking back at the group. Marjorie moved over to make room for William and he looked at her quizzically before joining her. These looks were unobserved by the adults who were talking about Anna's progress.

Julia turned to Michaela and Sully. "Are you two sure you don't want to stay for the party? You are more than welcome to sleep over at our house tonight."

"Thanks for the offer but we're going to celebrate with our family tonight," Michaela returned smiling again at Sully. Michaela had given him the option of whether they would attend. Sully had told her that he would rather spend the evening on Anna's porch than at some society gathering. Michaela had just recently begun to realize that Sully often made concessions for her and she had decided that she needed to be more cognizant of what he would like to do as well.

"I'm sure Anna will appreciate that," Julia returned.

"Speaking of Anna," Josef said. "I'm afraid we are going to need to get going so she can rest." Good byes were hastily exchanged before the group set off for the boat. William and Marjorie accompanied them to pick up her bags and dress for the dance.

Once that task had been accomplished they were on there way back to Cambridge. Sully lay on the bow with Michaela at his side and slept most of the way back, exhausted from the morning's work. Michaela didn't sleep but turned on her side with her eyes closed as if she was asleep. Slyly she peaked out from under her lids watching the gentle rise and fall of Sully's chest. The desire to touch his chest and have her hand move up and down with each breath was great but she resisted it. Nonetheless she kept watch over him as they sailed down the Chesapeake and then up the Choptank to Anna's house.

**

* * *

****Annapolis, Maryland – Regatta Ball – July 6, 1847**

"You look beautiful tonight, Marjorie," William said smiling at her. She wore the same dress as she had for her coming out and she really did stand out among the other young ladies in the room. William noticed the looks she was receiving from other young men and he was proud that she was on his arm.

Marjorie demurely dropped her eyes as the sides of her mouth turned up in a smile. "Thank you," she said softly. "You look very handsome William." William felt warm inside just watching the way she dropped her eyes and looked up at him so coyly. If there was one thing to be said about Marjorie she knew how to charm a young man.

"Would you like to dance?" William asked as his nerves began to resurface. His confidence had taken a knocking after being rebuffed by her this afternoon on the pier.

"I would love too," she replied with a sideways glance at him. William extended his arm to her and she gratefully accepted it as he escorted her to the dance floor. Certainly there was no trace of her earlier coldness and distance. As they moved around the dance floor, William smiled at her hoping her early behavior had just been a fluke. Maybe she had been bored by the regatta or perhaps she didn't fell well.

Marjorie had to admit she was enjoying herself and she was slowly warming to William again. Though Paul was always at the back of her thoughts, rationally she knew winning his love would be hard work. William seemed to be infatuated already and though she wished he was more attentive to her at times, she didn't see any reason to push him away just yet. She didn't have to be exclusive at this point – certainly she should keep her options open for now.

When the dance ended, William took the opportunity to lead Marjorie out onto the terrace which overlooked the bay. The stars shown down on the handful of couples who were scattered around the perimeter each trying to pretend they were in their own little world. Marjorie tried to relax and enjoy the beautiful night but she worried that William would again ask to kiss her.

"Marjorie, I was wondering," William began as Marjorie tensed, "if when I return to Harvard I could continue to call on you?"

"If you can find time for me in your busy schedule," Marjorie teased.

"Are there other gentlemen calling on you?" William asked getting right to the heart of his worry.

"William I just had my coming out in May. My mother would not like it if I was exclusive already," Marjorie explained. Though she was not being completely truthful with William, she rationalized that this was true and so therefore she wasn't really lying.

"I understand," William said slightly dejected. "She won't mind me calling on you though?"

"Of course not," Marjorie returned as William smiled again.

"This morning you seemed so distant."

"I know and I am sorry about that. I saw you hugging Michaela," Marjorie whispered. She had already decided that if William brought up her behavior at the regatta she would pretend to act jealous.

"She was simply congratulating me. There was nothing more to it than that. She's too young for me anyway and kind of intimidating," William confessed.

"What do you mean?" asked Marjorie.

William laughed. "Let's just say she isn't exactly marriage material."

"Don't you think she's pretty?"

"She's beautiful and very intelligent," William said admiringly.

"I'm feeling jealous again," Marjorie teased.

"There is no need for you to," he said as he took her hand in his. "Marjorie when a man in my social position starts thinking about marriage, they are looking for certain things."

"Like what?"

"I would want to know that my wife's time and energy weren't divided. I would expect her first duty to be to me and our children – not to her patients."

"You don't think woman should be doctors?"

"I think woman would make excellent doctors and I would gladly work with your sister as a physician. But I want a wife who puts me and our family first," he smiled at Marjorie as he said this.

"Don't worry I'm not planning on being anything but a loving wife and doting mother."

"That's good to hear," William said raising her hand to his lips and placing a soft kiss on her knuckles. "Besides I have the feeling that your sister isn't interested in anyone but Sully." Marjorie shrugged her shoulders and smiled at him. "No one's going to tell me, are they?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"There has to be something to tell or you wouldn't be smiling like that," William replied as his curiosity again got the better of him.

"Are you implying that I'm lying?" Marjorie teased.

"Are you saying that there was nothing going on in the barn that day?"

"You know as much as I know. Besides let's not think about Michaela tonight. I want to dance." With that she led William back into the gala.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 6, 1847**

"What a perfect end to a delightful day," Josef said pushing back in his chair as he finished off his last bite of chocolate cake.

"I couldn't agree more," remarked Anna as she stifled a yawn.

"A tiring day as well," said Ida as she stood to clear the dessert plates.

"Yes," Josef said winking at Michaela and Sully. "I am sure none of us is long for this world." He covered his mouth as he began to yawn as well.

John shortly followed suit. "Ain't nothin' like bein' out on the water to make ya mighty tired."

"I'll go ahead and help Anna up to bed," volunteered Josef. "Michaela will you help her get ready for bed?"

"Sure," Michaela said rising to assist her father. She looked over at Sully with a mischievous grin. "But I'm not really tired. Could Sully and I go swimming?"

"I don't see why not as long as you are both careful," Josef said. "I remember going swimming at night myself here as a boy – maybe I'll join you after we get Anna settled." Michaela and Josef helped Anna up the stairs and got her settled in bed. Sully stayed behind and helped Ida tidy up the kitchen while John locked up the house for the night.

"Night Sully," John said as he headed out the back door. "I'm just gonna close up the barn Ida."

Ida nodded as she handed Sully the last of the dishes to dry. "Thank you Sully for helping with these."

"Ya welcome," he returned as he put the last dish away and turned to go get changed.

"Have fun swimmin'," Ida called after him remembering what it was like to be young in the summertime.

When Michaela came down in her swim costume with towels in hand, Sully was waiting for her on the porch. He turned as she opened the screen door. "Where's Josef?" Sully asked looking behind her.

"He said to go on without him. He's gonna read to Anna," Michaela informed him.

She smiled at Sully again with the same mischievous grin from earlier.

"This was a good idea," Sully said as they headed down towards the place where the river jutted inland.

"I didn't know if you might be too tired."

"No, I'm actually not tired at all." In fact the whole day had left Sully feeling exhilarated and he doubted that he could sleep even if he wanted to. As they walked farther away from the house, Sully stepped up beside Michaela and took her free hand.

"Neither am I," agreed Michaela as she felt the familiar tingles starting at her fingertips and then spreading through her entire body.

They dropped their towels on the bank and continued to hold hands as they stepped out into the water. The night was warm and the water felt good against their sticky skin. Sully dove down into the water to wet his head, only to emerge close to Michaela and shake his wetness onto her still dry top. She giggled with glee before splashing him and swimming further away through the black water. Sully pursued her and as he caught up to her, he quickly dunked her in the water. She came up spluttering but laughing all at the same time.

"No fair," she yelled grabbing onto his shoulders and pushing down with all her might. Sully barely budged. Michaela dropped one of her hands to his side and began to tickle him.

"Stop it, Michaela," he said in between laughs but the move had its desired effect. Michaela quickly tried dunking him again and this time he went under with ease. She let go of his shoulders and suddenly Sully was gone again.

"Sully, where are you?" she called but received no answer. "Come on, this isn't funny," she said after another minute passed by. Suddenly she felt his hands on her waist as he emerged from the black water in front of her.

He felt her tense as she called out "Sully!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare ya," he said letting go of her but remaining close. Their eyes locked as Michaela gently bit her bottom lip.

When they discussed it years later, they would blame it on the euphoria of the day and the way the moonlight made everything feel dreamlike. Even though they both knew that something inside of them told them to move away from each other and even to go back to the house, they ignored the danger. There was such a freedom in the air that they wanted to share with each other.

"What are ya thinkin' about?" Sully asked as their eyes locked.

"About how happy I am."

"Me too," he agreed. "I've never won somethin' like that before. It felt good."

"I'm so proud of you," Michaela whispered. They grew quiet again but neither of them moved. She remembered the way it had felt when her hand had lingered over his heart on the floor of the loft and the desire to feel that again overwhelmed her until she gave in. Tentatively she placed her hand on top of his chest. Sully smiled over at her, pushing the little voice that told him this was dangerous to the back of his mind as he enjoyed the warm feel of her fingers against his bare skin. Michaela watched now as her hand moved in time with his breaths and she felt intimately connected with him as never before.

Michaela's bathing costume had short sleeves and Sully brought his hand up to just below where it ended and softly stroked the length of her arm. He felt Michaela shiver. "Ya cold?" he asked.

"No," she answered. No longer could she simply be content to hold her hand still on his chest but lightly she began to run her fingertips over it, making small circles and eliciting goose bumps.

Sully sighed contentedly as he boldly brought his fingertips up to her cheek, stroking the side of her face and neck. Then hesitating at her jaw line he began to trace it until he reached her chin. Sensually he brought his fingers up to her lips and traced their outline as Michaela parted her lips slightly. Neither really knew where this was headed but they both felt the danger. Still they simply chose to ignore it. Sully leaned over and kissed Michaela's cheek and then her mouth with the same gentle innocent kiss they always shared. Yet he did not pull back but hovered just in front of her as she opened her eyes to find his face inches from her own.

The next morning, they would tell each other how grateful they were that the night was partially cloudy for as the moon slipped behind a cloud, they heard a twig snap in half on the bank. Sully jumped at the sound and quickly moved away from Michaela.

"Sully, Michaela," called Josef's voice into the darkness. "Where are you? I can't see anything now that the moon has disappeared."

"Over here," called Michaela's voice as she began to swim towards the shore. Sully moved in that direction as well. They heard Josef enter the water and then the moon returned as the cloud passed.

"That's better," said Josef who was now in the water up to this waist. "Are you two enjoying your swim?"

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 7, 1847**

Sully sat in the large oak by himself staring out at the water and feeling guilty for the night before. How many times had they talked about patience and about being careful? Had every conversation they had been in vain if they were willing to throw everything away in one night? He slapped at the tree with his hand as anger at himself got the better of him.

"I don't think the tree has done anything wrong," Michaela teased as she looked up at Sully from the ground. Sully didn't look back at her. "Thinking about last night?"

"Yeah," Sully replied still not meeting her eyes.

"Sully I need your help getting up," she said trying to reach the branch and swing herself up onto it. Sully looked down suddenly and realized she was struggling. Quickly he jumped down and gave her a boost yet even that small contact made him feel even guiltier. He hauled himself back up on the branch facing the opposite direction as Michaela their eyes locking as they faced each other. He saw no blame there and he relaxed a little. "We have to be more careful," Michaela said.

"I know," Sully agreed. "What happened last night it can't happen again. I allowed things to go too far."

"I did too," Michaela said. "You didn't hear me telling you to stop." Sully had never been more grateful for anything she had ever said.

"Ya aren't angry with me?" he asked his face like that of a young boy.

"Of course not," Michaela replied longing to reassure him with a gentle touch but knowing things like that were now out of the question when there were others so close by. "Up until now we've just talked about being careful but last night when Father almost caught us… Well, that scared me Sully. We can't take a chance like that anymore. We have to watch the looks, the touches – everything."

Sully nodded his head in agreement with what Michaela had just said. "Why can't we seem to just tell him?" Sully asked.

Michaela considered the question. "I don't really know. I guess I'm afraid he might send you away." Michaela's voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Me too," Sully said in the same quiet voice as Michaela finally spoke both of their fears aloud. These words were like a pact between them as they both now knew the course they had to walk and committed themselves to it.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – 1852**

Slowly he walked down the front lawn moving ever closer to the bump on the pier that he knew was Michaela. Already he could hear her muffled sobs and his heart felt like it was breaking. He stood for at least five minutes on the end of the pier wondering if the time to go to her was now or if she just needed to be left alone. Grief weighed heavy on his own heart as well. Anna was gone- really gone. Looking up into the sky he let his eyes take in the incredible beauty of the stars as the tears began to fall down his face once again.

"Sully," he thought he heard Michaela whisper but when he looked at her she had neither raised her head nor had the sobs stopped. But as he continued to watch her, he heard her whisper his name again and he knew that her heart was calling for him. Quickly now he made his way towards her, sitting down behind her and drawing his arms around her. Michaela slid back against him still curled into a ball but taking great comfort in his presence.

Sully simply held her for a long time knowing she needed that more than words. After a while her cries ceased and she raised her head a little. "Sully do you still love me?" she asked surprising Sully.

"I told you a long time ago I would always love you," he returned.

"We were just kids then," Michaela said.

"We're not kids anymore and I'm telling you my feelings for you have never changed."

"Remember that night we went swimming and Father almost caught us," she said as a small laugh escaped her lips.

"How could I forget?"

"Let's go swimming," Michaela said looking up at him expectantly.

"Right now?"

"Yes."

"But Michaela…" Sully began but Michaela cut him off.

"I'm tired of being sad Sully. I want to be happy for a little while."

Sully knew this feeling for it swelled up inside of him as well. Slowly they walked around to where the river jutted inland. Sully removed his shirt but left on his pants. Michaela removed her skirt leaving her in her shirt and bloomers. Turning to her, Sully took her hand and they made their way into the cool water. As if reliving that magic night from long ago, Sully dipped under the water coming up close to Michaela and soaking her in the process.

"Sully," she cried. "You don't have to act like a child." He laughed and dipped back under the water.

"Come on," he called to her as he swam out further. Slowly Michaela brought the rest of her body under the water getting used to the temperature. She felt the freedom from that night long ago and quickly dove under the water following Sully's direction. Silently she came up out of the water as she made out Sully's form in front of her. He had his back to her and she quickly came up behind him, taking him by surprise as she dunked him into the river.

He came up spluttering and grabbing wildly for Michaela but she had already made a hasty retreat. Sully swam after her but Michaela made for the shore, running up onto the bank before slipping in the grass and falling to the ground.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked as he now stood over her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Join me," she invited patting the ground beside her.

Sully sat down beside Michaela who remained splayed out on her stomach her head resting on her arms. He lay back in the grass looking up at the night sky.

"I watch these stars every night and think about ya," he admitted.

"You do?" Michaela asked.

"Ya get my letters, don't ya?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you doubt my feelings?" he said in a gentle non-accusing manner.

"I guess I worry sometimes."

"You worry? Not the Michaela I know," he teased and they both laughed.

A silence settled between them after their laugh quieted. Sully looked back up at the sky while Michaela watched his chest gently rise and fall. Giving in to her desire, she placed her hand on his chest allowing her hand to move with each of his breaths. Sully turned his head and smiled at Michaela as she renewed their physical connection. How long had it been since he had kissed her? Too long he thought. He turned on his side propping his head up with his elbow. Michaela mirrored his movement turning on her side as well. With his free hand, Sully gently stroked the length of her arm.

Within moments the distance between them was closing and Sully lightly placed a kiss to her lips.

"This is private property," a voice spoke out of the darkness. "Ya trespassin'," came the voice again as Sully heard the cocking of a rifle.

"John, it's me and Michaela," Sully said shaking his head and sitting up slowly.

"I'm sorry," John said lowering the rifle and stepping out from behind the trees. "I heard noises and I thought…" he stopped now as he stepped closer observing their wet clothes and hair. He shook his head and laughed.

"Ida and I were wondering about y'all," he said with a smileon his face. "Good to see ya haven't changed." Sully and Michaela smiled at each other. "Ain't no greater comfort than the arms of the one you love."

"You aren't going to turn us in?" Michaela teased.

"Reckon, ya two all grown up now," John said. "And I think I was interruptin' somethin' private so I'll just say good night."

"Good night," they both called as John turned and walked away.

Michaela reached over and took Sully's hand. "People love to interrupt us don't they?"

"Yeah," Sully agreed squeezing her hand in his. "Guess we ought to be goin' in."

Michaela looked at him as she grew serious. "Sully, I love you and tonight if you asked me to…"

Sully knew what she was going to say. "Michaela, I wouldn't ask you to – not tonight – not like this. Neither one of us is thinking clearly."

Michaela smiled at him. "And that's how I know you love me," she whispered as she rose and led the way back to the house.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 8, 1847**

_Josef,_

_I have taken the liberty of speaking with Paul as Rebecca's mother in law has taken sick. He will be coming for the rest of July and will stay until you return in August. All arrangements are made. He will be there when you leave on the twelfth. _

_Your wife,_

_Elizabeth_

Josef looked up as he finished reading the letter to three excited faces.

"Paul's coming early?" Sully asked.

"Sounds that way," replied Josef.

"Who's Paul?" William asked taking another bite of his sandwich.

"A friend of mine," Josef said, "and Sully's art instructor."

"Oh," William said as his mouth was still full with food. Finally when he had finished chewing, he turned to Marjorie. "Do you want to go for a walk after lunch?" he asked hopefully.

"I can't. I told Ida I would help get the rooms ready for Paul and his daughter."

"You have to do that right now?" William asked.

"I guess not," said Marjorie who then quickly added, "but William when Paul gets here I will be watching his daughter so I won't have as much free time." Michaela and Sully exchanged looks and pressed their lips together to avoid laughing.

"Right," William said wondering why Marjorie had suddenly blushed. He looked around the table noticing the amused looks on Sully and Michaela's faces. Had he said something that made them all react this way? A strange thought crossed his mind at that moment. Maybe Paul and Marjorie… but he quickly dismissed this notion. The man had to be older if he was Josef's friend. Surely, Marjorie wasn't interested in him.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-seven**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 12, 1847**

"She's going to want to go," Michaela said as she helped Sully load Josef's luggage onto the boat. "You know that don't you?"

"Hey, look, I'm just tellin' ya what your father said."

"You know she's going to say I can spend time with Anna. I wonder if Father will let her go if she throws a big enough fit."

"Nah. Now if it was you," Sully said smiling over at Michaela.

"If it was me what?"

"You'd get your way."

"Are you saying my father favors me?" Michaela asked incredulously.

"Are ya sayin' he doesn't?"

"Give me an example."

"Okay. How 'bout when we first found out Anna was sick- he was dead set on comin' down here by himself but you kept on him until he relented."

"Just because I'm good at persuasive rhetoric, doesn't mean he favors me," Michaela defended.

Sully laughed out loud at this remark. "You're right – he doesn't favor ya. He's just tryin' to get ya to stop yappin'," Sully teased.

"That was mean- plain mean. I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day," Michaela exclaimed as she pretended to be angry.

"If that's what it takes to get ya to be quiet," Sully returned.

"That's it. You're going overboard," Michaela said as she began to push Sully to the edge of the boat.

"Ya can't – we're gettin' ready to leave."

Michaela stopped pushing for a second as she weighed her options. A deliciously mischievous idea hit her. "Fine, there are other ways to get back at you," she declared.

"I'm scared," Sully declared.

Michaela was just about to reply as Marjorie's whines pierced the air. "But why do we both have to stay here?"

"Marjorie I am not going to go over this again. I see no reason for all of us to traipse to Baltimore and leave Ida to do all the work. The whole point of us being here is to be helpful.

"But Michaela can stay and help Ida. She doesn't need both of us," Marjorie protested.

"Marjorie! You are not going and that is final!" Josef's voice was stern and his tone warned Marjorie to let the subject drop but she just couldn't.

"If Michaela wanted to go, you'd let her," Marjorie charged. Michaela shot a dirty look at Marjorie resenting the second insinuation that Josef favored her. She opened her mouth to speak but Josef's voice stopped her dead.

"Marjorie- I said no more!" This time Josef's voice seemed to resound all around. Marjorie clamped her mouth firmly shut and balled her hands into fists. She turned to head back up to the house, her feet coming down loudly on the boards of the pier as she stomped off in a huff. It was hard at moments like this to remember that she was seventeen years old and not a little girl of three throwing a fit because she didn't get her own way. Josef shook his head as he watched her go, wondering how it was possible that she never changed. Slowly he turned to Michaela and Sully who were also watching Marjorie's retreat. "Do either of you know why Marjorie wants to go to Baltimore?"

Sully shrugged his shoulders then quickly looked down at the deck of the boat suddenly finding it more interesting than Marjorie's retreat. Michaela shook her head while suppressing a laugh that was trying to break loose. Part of her was dying to tell her father that Marjorie fancied Paul but she restrained herself knowing that Marjorie would seek her revenge by sharing Sully and Michaela's secret.

"Utter nonsense," Josef sighed as he boarded the boat.

John's footsteps on the pier caused them all to look up. "What's wrong with Miss Marjorie?" he asked while boarding the boat.

"Nothing that a solid spanking wouldn't cure but since she's too old to turn over my knee," Josef replied as he smiled over at John.

"Those girls of yours are a handful," John said as he winked at Michaela.

"I'm not sure whether I should take offense to that or not," Michaela returned as she stepped off the boat and onto the pier. John and Josef both laughed at her comment. Sully looked at her and laughed as well but Michaela knew his laughter had more to do with Marjorie than what she had just said. She smiled at him with her slightly crooked grin. "Have a safe trip," she called to the three of them as she watched John hoist the main sail. Silently she stood on the pier watching as they readied themselves to depart. Finally the boat began to pull away from the dock.

"Michaela," Josef called over to her, "you're supposed to be helping Ida."

"I'm going," she replied. Slowly she turned and headed back up to the house, dreading having to spend any amount of time with Marjorie.

* * *

Marjorie proceeded to sulk for the rest of the day drawing out every task that Ida assigned. When Ida sent her up to air out the beds for Paul and his little girl, she spent the first ten minutes complaining to herself about her father. Finally she managed to open all the windows and started to strip down the beds when her mind wandered to Paul again and she felt the same anger from earlier building. Each task was the same so that in the amount of time it had taken for Michaela to complete everything Ida had asked of her, Marjorie was only half way through her own chores. Michaela spent the rest of the afternoon sitting with Anna on the porch. She read to her for awhile and then they talked about Paul. Michaela shared everything she knew which was actually very little. Marjorie eventually joined them but offered nothing to the conversation as she was too busy muttering under her breath.

Anna was the first one to spot the white sails approaching and she lifted her hand to point at the horizon. "I believe they have returned," she said. Michaela let out a little squeal of glee and rose to run down to the pier. She stopped herself on the steps and turned back towards Anna. "Go on, child," Anna encouraged her not wanting Michaela to feel as if she had to stay with her. Marjorie on the other hand did not run down the lawn but slipped quietly inside to tidy up before greeting their guests. She was a little angry at herself for not having taking care of this earlier but there was no way she was going to greet Paul looking like the hired help.

Michaela stood on the end of the pier shielding her eyes against the bright afternoon sun as the boat drew closer. Though she couldn't yet make out any of the figures, she waved in the general direction of the boat. As it came closer, the first thing that caught her attention was the little girl standing on the bow in her own spot. Her hair was redder than Marjorie's – almost the color of the sunset out across the river. It framed her face in beautiful ringlets. When she had spotted Michaela, she danced excitedly from one foot to the other and waved wildly. Michaela smiled and waved again as she made out Paul standing beside his daughter. Slowly the boat made its way up to the dock and Sully jumped out first to secure the spring line.

"How was your day with Marjorie?" he asked as a smile played across his face.

"Great," Michaela answered sarcastically while she watched Sully tie the line and then move quickly to finish securing the boat.

Paul and his daughter had now moved over toward the edge of the boat ready to disembark. The young girl was enthusiastically folding and unfolding her hands as she tried to contain her excitement. Paul shook his head as his eyes caught Michaela's.

"Can you tell she's excited?" he called out to her making Michaela laugh. Finally the boat was docked and John helped the little girl and Paul off the boat while Sully hopped back on to help John unload their luggage.

"Are you Mike?" the little girl asked as soon as her feet touched the dock.

"I am," Michaela replied smiling at the little girl's eagerness. "How did you know?"

"Father told me Sully had two sisters. He said Mike had long dark hair and that Marjorie had red hair just like mine." Michaela winced at the word sisters but didn't correct the young girl.

"Claudia," Paul warned her. "Do try to contain your excitement."

"Claudia," Michaela repeated the girl's name. She extended her hand towards her. "It is very nice to meet you."

Claudia did not take her hand but made a big display of spreading her dress out with her hands and curtsied. "It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance," she said in her most grown up voice.

"We do have a flair for the dramatic," Paul whispered to Michaela as he watched his daughter's display.

"Then Marjorie and her will get along nicely," Michaela replied as she giggled at Paul's statement.

"Father," Claudia said giving her father a look as if he had behaved improperly.

"Ah, yes," Paul said. He turned towards Michaela and took her hand in his as he made a small bow to her. "Good afternoon Mike. It is very nice to see you again." He turned back to Claudia. "Better?" he asked. She nodded looking very pleased with herself for reminding her father. Sully began to hand the bags off the boat and Paul took them from him and set them on the dock.

"Do you need any help?" Michaela asked.

"Don't you have servants?" Claudia said turning towards Michaela.

Michaela chuckled. "Come on Claudia. Why don't we go up to the house and meet Marjorie. I have a feeling the two of you will get along splendidly." Sully, John and Paul all laughed as Claudia squealed with glee. Momentarily forgetting that she was trying to act grown up, she took off across the lawn towards the house her ringlets bobbing up and down as she ran. Michaela shook her head and took off after her, overtaking her half way up the lawn.

Meanwhile, Paul, John and Sully started up the lawn at a slower pace with luggage in hand. "This place is wonderful," Paul remarked. "I kept thinking that you had embellished this place in your pictures but seeing it for myself," he hesitated here stopping and looking around once again. "I am in awe."

"I know," Sully said smiling. "That's why it's so easy to paint."

Paul stood still for a few more seconds before shaking his head as if pulling his self out of some daydream. "Guess we should continue up to the house before the girls wonder where we are." They walked the rest of the distance in silence as Paul continued to take in the sites. Every once in a while he would turn and look back at the river as if to make sure it hadn't disappeared.

Claudia waited impatiently on the porch already having been introduced to Anna and wanting desperately to meet Marjorie and see her room. "Father, come on," she cried.

Paul laughed. "To have that kind of excitement," he said shaking his head. This caused all the adults to smile. The screen porch opened and Marjorie stepped out. Michaela glanced over at her noticing that she had put on one of her Boston dresses. She snickered as her eyes met Sully's and he raised his eyebrows at her. "Marjorie," Paul said extending his hand to her. "How is the great defender of neo-classical painting?"

Marjorie blushed as he said this but she took his hand and curtsied deeply. "You aren't going to hold that against me now are you?" she said playfully.

"Never," Paul returned as he let go of her hand and turned towards Anna. "You must be Anna," Paul said as he moved closer to her. "I can't thank you enough for letting my daughter and I spend the rest of the summer here. I can assure you it is a most welcome respite from Boston."

"It's my pleasure," Anna replied. "I certainly know how tiring Boston can be. And I'm sure your presence here has put my daughter-in-law at ease." Paul nodded and smiled as he noticed that Anna was teasing him. He had been surprised when Elizabeth had breezed into his office the week before. Of course, he knew Elizabeth but somehow seeing her face to face in his own office was slightly alarming. When she had launched into a long diatribe about Sully and Michaela, Paul had been fascinated by her story. Unlike Josef, he readily accepted the reality of a relationship between Michaela and Sully. Now so much made sense to Paul that he marveled at the fact that he hadn't seen it before.

"Yes, I am sure Elizabeth can rest easy at night now," he returned for even though he believed Elizabeth's tale, he still hadn't fully embraced his chaperone duties as Elizabeth had laid them out for him. It was hard for him to imagine the quiet Sully as a sexual predator that Michaela had to be protected from. A few hasty words from Josef this morning let Paul know that he did not agree with Elizabeth. This allowed Paul to relax his own mind about what was expected of him. Seeing Anna's reaction only solidified this feeling.

"Father," Claudia called tapping her foot impatiently.

"Don't be rude," Paul scolded as he gave her a warning look.

Claudia's face dropped and she bowed her head in repentance. "I'm sorry," she whispered to the group at large.

"I would be happy to show you both to your rooms," Marjorie said trying partially to ease the young girl's discomfort but also hoping to attract Paul's attention once again.

Claudia raised her head with a huge grin on her face but she looked over at her Father for permission before speaking. "I think that is an excellent idea, Marjorie," Paul replied.

Quickly Claudia grabbed Marjorie's hand pulling her into the house while the rest of the group excluding Michaela and Anna trailed along.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 22, 1847**

Paul's presence there was a welcome change from the daily routine. He liked to get up early in the morning and would often spend time with Anna on the porch before breakfast. After breakfast, he would spend time with Claudia specifically. Everyone was always invited to join them but it was the time of day he especially put aside for her. They might go down by the river and pretend to be pirates looking for buried treasure or if it was raining they would turn the morning room into a dragon's lair and they would pretend to be explorers looking for stolen jewels. Whatever they did, Paul made their playtime come alive and though the others were much too old for such play by their own standards they often joined in with the games.

One morning Claudia decided that she and Marjorie had been kidnapped by wild Indians who were being played by Sully and Michaela. Paul was to rescue them. Sully had been quite resourceful that morning and had made a structure resembling a teepee out of an old blanket and some large limbs John had pruned from the oak. Michaela was playing a brave though Claudia kept insisting she should be a squaw and it was only when Michaela threatened to gag her for real that she stopped talking about it. Sully and Michaela had each climbed a tree to watch for Paul as he stole into the woods to rescue the girls. Marjorie and Claudia were loosely tied to a tree. As Paul moved through the woods, Sully spotted him and signaled to Michaela. When he came into the clearing, he saw the girls but there was no trace of Sully or Michaela. He looked around noticing the makeshift teepee and wondered if they were inside. He made his way over to the structure as Sully jumped from the tree surprising him. They pretended to scuffle with Claudia shouting out directions on how they should play their roles. Eventually Paul gained the upper hand and tied Sully's hands behind his back before starting over to free the girls. It was then that Michaela made her move and jumped down as well. Again, Paul quickly gained control over her.

"Show them no mercy," Claudia shouted out. "They were going to scalp us."

"I will deal with this brave," Paul declared in a heroic voice. "But I will not dishonor myself by killing a woman, especially one as beautiful as she." Paul in no way meant anything by this comment. He was simply playing his role as he believed it should be played. He had not been privy to the earlier conversation about Michaela being a brave. Nor did he know the reaction that his comment would evoke in Marjorie.

Marjorie felt pangs of jealousy flood through her body when Paul declared Michaela beautiful. Quickly she screamed over at Paul. "Michaela is insisting on being a brave so give her the same treatment as Sully."

"Father, you aren't supposed to fall in love with the Indians," Claudia scolded at the same time. This statement did not help to improve Marjorie's state of mind.

"Why not?" Paul asked amused at how the two kidnapped girls were protesting his treatment of Michaela.

"Because she's an Indian," Claudia declared. Furiously, Marjorie began working at the knots that held her to the tree. Since they had only been playing, Sully had tied them loosely and Marjorie was soon free. "Marjorie," Claudia bossed, "Father is supposed to rescue us."

"I don't need rescuing!" she practically screamed at the little girl as she started off through the woods. Paul was confused at her sudden outburst and rapid departure so without giving it a second's thought he took off after her leaving the other three behind in the clearing.

"Wow," Sully remarked. "Marjorie certainly is in a mood."

"Be careful of little ears," Michaela reminded him.

"Do you think I don't know that you are talking about me?" Claudia asked rather put out that Michaela had just referred to her as little ears.

"Undo me," Sully said to Michaela turning so that his tied hands were visible to her.

"Is that anyway to ask?" Michaela said taking a step away from him.

"Come on," Sully coaxed. "We're on the same side- remember?"

"We are?"

"Michaela, come on." Sully moved closer to her again.

"Why should I untie you? I have a brave cowboy who thinks I'm beautiful," Michaela teased.

"You're a brave," Claudia reminded Michaela.

"I can still get that gag out," Michaela threatened turning back towards Claudia.

Marjorie was racing through the woods feeling her stomach clench as she thought about how mad she was at Michaela. Why did everyone always notice her? Rationally she knew they had been playing a game and that it was ridiculous even to think that Paul would be interested in Michaela that way. Still she couldn't control the jealousy that now coursed through her body. "I hate her," she muttered angrily unaware that Paul was following her.

"You hate who?" Paul asked jovially not knowing exactly what he was walking into.

Marjorie jumped at the sound of his voice and quickly turned around to face him. "Sorry," she muttered as her face turned bright red.

"I do hope Claudia hasn't upset you," Paul said fearing that his daughter's personality had worn on Marjorie.

"Oh no," Marjorie reassured him. "I think she's precious."

"I am glad to hear that. She really thinks a lot of you."

"Good," Marjorie replied not thinking clearly.

"So who do you hate?" Paul asked again.

"Nobody," Marjorie muttered and turned away from Paul in the direction of the house.

"Mike?"

Marjorie turned back around and looked at him, her brow knit together in frustration. "You wouldn't understand," she whispered.

"Try me," Paul said moving a step closer to her.

"She's just so…. perfect!" Marjorie's outburst startled them both.

Paul studied her for a moment wondering what had caused such a violent reaction. "Is this about me saying she was beautiful because I was just…"

Marjorie interrupted him. "Don't worry, I'm used to it."

"I was just playing the game," Paul stated again this time finishing his sentence. "You and your sister are both beautiful," he assured her unknowingly leading Marjorie to assume things she shouldn't.

"You really think so?" Marjorie asked. "Even with all this red hair?"

"I do," he replied. "I think your red hair matches your personality. My wife had red hair and I used to tell her it was because she was so fiery. I think Claudia has inherited both from her," he said laughing.

Marjorie smiled widely then quietly whispered, "Thank you."

"You are most welcome. Now I think we better get back because I left one of the Indians loose when I came to track you down and who knows what kind of mischief they are up to." He held out his arm to Marjorie and she threaded her own arm through his and set off with him back to the clearing feeling the jealousy begin to dissipate.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland- August 1, 1847**

If the mornings were devoted to Claudia, the afternoons were devoted to Paul's other love – his painting. The landscape inspired him and he spent every hour of sunlight after lunch either instructing Sully or working on his own paintings. The first week the two of them went off alone either down by the river of into the forest to work. Marjorie was left to tend to Claudia and Michaela helped Ida or sat with Anna. At first Michaela had taken slight offense to being brushed off by Sully each afternoon but at the same time she had never seen him quite so animated. In the evenings both Paul and Sully seemed to come alive as they talked of what they had seen that day or shared their latest work with the rest of the group. Michaela was happy that Sully seemed to be so happy and she learned to take joy in watching the progress Anna made each day instead of worrying that Sully was ignoring her.

Marjorie on the other hand was not exactly pleased with the current arrangement. While it was true that she did enjoy spending time with Claudia, she much preferred for that time to be spent in Paul's presence as well. It didn't take her long to convince Claudia that they should be invited along in the afternoons. Claudia who was relentless when it came to getting her own way, quickly set to work on her father until he acquiesced with the stipulation that they would not disturb his painting. Marjorie took this stipulation very seriously and made sure Claudia was kept out of his hair. It was enough for her to simply be allowed along each afternoon. And so from the second week after their arrival on, each afternoon Paul, Sully, Marjorie and Claudia set off to find the perfect angle or the perfect shadow.

Michaela had quietly accepted this development as well and actually enjoyed the fact that Claudia was out from underfoot. Though the little girl could be very sweet when she chose to be, Michaela found her bossiness annoying at best. The only hiccup in the whole arrangement was William. He had been away the week Paul had arrived and it was not until the second week of their stay that he visited Cambridge expecting to spend the afternoon with Marjorie and the little girl he knew she would be watching. Yet when he arrived he had found no one at the house except for Anna, Ida and Michaela. This became a regular trend and he often spent the afternoon on the porch waiting for Marjorie to return. To pass the time, he talked with Anna some but mostly with Michaela who found him almost as tiresome as Claudia.

It was on one of these afternoons that William had been waiting very patiently on the porch for the small group to return from their afternoon outing. Michaela was reading to Anna as she spied out of the corner of her eye the group emerge from the woods. Claudia ran towards the porch her arms full of flowers that she had spent the afternoon picking. Sully came next carrying his art supplies in his arms. Paul and Marjorie brought up the rear, laughing and talking with each other. Sully scowled as he approached the porch noticing that William was once again waiting there. Though he knew his interest was in Marjorie, he still didn't like the amount of time William was hanging around Michaela.

"Hello," Sully called down the porch to where Claudia had joined Anna and Michaela. "William," he said turning to face the young man.

"Hello," William replied. "How was art class today?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Good," Sully replied choosing to ignore his tone.

Marjorie and Paul had now reached the porch and William stood. "Marjorie," he said his smile wide.

"Good afternoon William," Marjorie returned.

"Could we go for a walk?" William asked quickly as if he might miss his chance if he hesitated.

"I promised Claudia I would help her arrange the flowers she picked today," Marjorie answered somewhat apologetically.

"I can help her," Anna said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Anna assured her. "You go on and have a nice time."

William smiled gratefully at Anna and held out his arm to Marjorie. She took it and they set off towards the river. Paul watched them go and for the first time he recognized in himself something he hadn't felt for a long time. It wasn't exactly jealousy but he did suddenly wish that he was fourteen years younger and in William's place. Quickly he dismissed those thoughts and went into the house putting distance between himself and the young couple.

Meanwhile, William led Marjorie out onto the pier where they both sat down on the end with their feet dangling over the side. "I've missed you," William spoke softly.

"I've been so busy with Claudia," Marjorie defended.

"I know. It's okay," William assured her. "I like seeing you with her. You are going to be an excellent mother." Marjorie blushed slightly at William's comment but not because she was imagining herself having William's children. Instead she was thinking about actually becoming Claudia's mother.

"Listen, I know you are busy with watching Claudia but soon I have to return to Boston and I'd really like to spend an afternoon with you before I leave. Do you think Michaela could watch Claudia one afternoon?" William asked.

"I can ask her," Marjorie replied noncommittally.

"Actually, I already have," said William somewhat sheepishly.

"She agreed?" Marjorie asked.

William nodded his head. "I was thinking on the twelfth. I could come around one. We could have a late picnic lunch – maybe go sailing."

"That sounds nice," Marjorie replied but there was no smile to accompany it.

"It you don't want to.." William hesitated.

"No, I want to," Marjorie assured him. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

"Right. Well, I have to be going but I'm looking forward to the twelfth."

"Me too," Marjorie said as she stood. William reached over and took her hand in his. He gave it a light squeeze before he raised it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Marjorie managed a smile finally and a slight blush. William was satisfied for now with both and he made his way over to his boat to head back home.

* * *

That evening Sully and Michaela actually found themselves alone for the first timesince Paul's arrival. Paul had retired to bed early and Marjorie was putting Claudia to bed as she had taken to doing every night. Anna was also already in bed while Ida and John had retired to their own little house just a few minutes earlier. Michaela sat on the swing with Sully enjoying the gentle night breeze.

"You and William have fun this afternoon?" Sully asked out of the blue.

"It was loads of fun," Michaela said sarcastically. "First he told me all about what he will be studying this year. And then he talked some more about himself while I nodded my head and pretended to listen." Sully laughed. "Glad to see that my boredom amuses you," Michaela said somewhat snippy.

"Sorry," Sully replied sheepishly. "I am just glad you two aren't gettin' too cozy. I was startin' to think I might have to start stayin' home more in the afternoons."

"Well in that case," Michaela began her eyes twinkling with amusement. "First he told me how beautiful I am and then he said he would gladly wait until I was of age."

"Of age for what?" Sully asked pursing his lips at Michaela.

"Marrying age of course."

"So has he already given you a ring?"

"He offered to purchase one but I told him it would be more proper to wait," Michaela teased.

"Is he coming tomorrow afternoon?"

"That depends."

"On what?" Sully asked

"Are you going to be here?"

"I thought I might hang around the house tomorrow afternoon," Sully replied.

"Guess I better tell him not to come then."

"I think that's a good idea," Sully said moving closer to her and reaching for her hand.

Michaela moved away with a smile on her face. "No-no."

"I can't hold your hand?" Sully asked. Michaela shook her head no. "Why not?"

"Cause I'm still mad at you."

"Mad about what?"

"Remember the day you were going to pick up Paul and you were so mean to me?" Sully nodded his head slightly but confusion still showed on his face. "I told you that I'd find a way to get back at you."

"So hand holding is off limits because I was mean to you?" Sully asked incredulously.

"All you have to do is apologize," Michaela said very matter of fact. Sully studied her for a moment and even though his first instinct was to whisper a hastily apology he resisted. Instead he slid away from her and looked out towards the river. "You aren't going to apologize?"

"I figure two can play this game," Sully replied trying to hide the smile that was playing around his lips.

"Fine," Michaela said sliding to the far end of the swing.

"Fine," Sully returned doing the same.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 12, 1847**

Since Marjorie was not going to be around in the afternoon to watch Claudia and Claudia wasn't thrilled with the prospect of an afternoon spent only with Michaela, Paul had decided to switch things around a little. He took Sully right after breakfast and they went out into the woods to paint. Marjorie was to stay with Claudia at the house until William came for her at which point Michaela and Claudia would meet Sully and Paul in the woods with a picnic lunch. Then afterwards they would have their afternoon play time.

Yet rarely do days that change one's whole life go as planned and this day was no exception. Paul and Sully left shortly after breakfast. Claudia barely ate anything at breakfast and spent the next hour lying on the morning room sofa. Marjorie had never seen her so lethargic and it came as no surprise when Claudia suddenly sat up and emptied the contents of her stomach onto the rug. Marjorie quickly went into mother mode and whisked Claudia off to bed, catering to her every whim. The young girl fell asleep shortly before lunch time and Marjorie descended the stairs just in time to see Sully enter the house.

"Where's Paul?" Marjorie asked not noticing the pale color of Sully's face.

"He's still painting. I came back because I don't feel well," Sully explained.

"Your stomach?" Marjorie asked. Sully nodded and then regretted the sudden movement of his head. "Claudia too."

"Sully?" Michaela asked stepping out of the kitchen with the picnic basket in hand.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm sick."

"You better go up to bed," Marjorie said in an authoritative tone.

"Paul doesn't know Claudia's sick," Sully reminded the girls. "He is waiting for Michaela and her."

"I'll go tell him," Marjorie said grabbing the picnic basket from Michaela. "You watch Sully and Claudia," she said turning towards Michaela.

"What about William?" Michaela asked.

"I'll be back before he gets here. You're still painting in the clearing down by the river, right?"

"Yeah," Sully said as he felt his stomach lurch again. Quickly he headed for the kitchen to find a basin. Marjorie set off just as quickly and Michaela shrugged her shoulders before turning to help Sully.

Marjorie easily made her way through the woods and it wasn't long before she came into the clearing. Paul spotted her before she saw him. He smiled to himself forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be there at all that day. It had only been a week ago now that Paul had admitted to himself that he was quite fond of Marjorie. There was something about the way she doted over Claudia that warmed Paul's heart. She was always laughing at Paul's jokes and she seemed so genuinely interested in anything he had to say. It had been a long time since any woman had paid that kind of attention to him and even though he knew it was dangerous he still was enjoying it.

"Marjorie," he called to her as she shielded her eyes against the sun to look for him.

"Oh, there you are," she said making her way over to him.

"Where's Claudia?" Paul asked looking around.

"She's sick just like Sully."

"Oh no," Paul said as his face clouded over.

"Nothing serious I'm sure. Just an upset stomach," Marjorie reassured him. Paul smiled at her. "I brought you some lunch," Marjorie said as she offered him the picnic basket. "And I'm supposed to tell you that Michaela and Claudia obviously won't be coming."

"Right," Paul said. "Thank you." He took the picnic basket and set it on the ground. "For lunch but also for taking such good care of Claudia."

"I love your little girl."

"She loves you too. I'm afraid she is going to be very sad when it's time for her to go back to school."

"Why do you send her away to school?"

"I tried having a nanny for a while but Claudia is very demanding."

Marjorie laughed. "Yes I know."

Paul was very serious though. "But you are very good with her."

Marjorie blushed as an awkward silence settled between them. "Could I see your picture?" she tentatively asked.

"Sure," Paul said stepping back behind the canvas. "It's not finished yet. I can't seem to get the red of the sun quite bright enough." He looked back at Marjorie and raised his hand to her hair. "If only I could put the color of your hair on my canvas."

Marjorie was mesmerized and she started to step forward to get a better look at the canvas but she stumbled over a loose rock on the ground. Paul's arms reached out for her and before either of them realized what was happening, their faces were only inches apart with Paul's arms wrapped securely around Marjorie. Some invisible force drew them together and before common sense took over they found that their lips had met in a soft innocent kiss. Paul pulled back as the reality of what had just happened flooded his mind but Marjorie was hungry for more and she quickly leaned in again.

William smiled to himself as he walked along the beaten path through the woods. Michaela had told him where he could find Marjorie. He expected to meet her any moment as she returned from taking lunch to Paul. William knew he could have waited for her on the porch but the prospect of an afternoon alone with her had excited him so much that he was impatient to get started. He reached the clearing slightly confused as to why Marjorie hadn't started back yet but then it was quite obvious. On the other side of the clearing stood Paul and Marjorie- his arms holding her close to his body and their lips locked in a passionate kiss. Silently he stepped back into the shadow of the trees just watching and when he had seen enough to convince him that he had not misunderstood the situation, he turned and ran as anger and hurt flooded his mind.

**

* * *

****Boston– December 1857**

"He knows."

"But how?"

"I don't know but he definitely knows."

"Do you think Marjorie told him?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders still trying to sort everything out for herself. "I think he saw us kissing."

"When?" Sully asked but Michaela just shook her head. "Is he mad?"

"I think so," Michaela said as tears began to form in her eyes.

Sully put his arms around her and pulled her close. "Shhh," he consoled her. "Don't cry. We knew this was gonna be tough."

"I just didn't want him to find out like this," Michaela whispered. "I should have told him."

"Michaela don't blame yourself. We should have told him."

Michaela shook her head but the tears began to fall as she buried her head on Sully's shoulder.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Thirty-eight**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 12, 1847**

Michaela ran down the stairs to get Claudia a glass of water and to empty another basin when movement out on the lawn caught her attention. Quickly she stepped onto the porch as William sprinted across the lawn towards the dock. Michaela looked around for Marjorie but she was no where to be seen. Her curiosity took over and she hitched up her skirt and ran towards the dock forgetting all about Claudia and Sully momentarily. William had reached the dock before she had even stepped off the porch but he didn't board his boat right away so Michaela had a chance to catch him. When she approached he was fighting with the knot of the spring line.

"William?" she asked tentatively as she could tell from his manner that he was upset.

"Go away," he replied in a defeated voice.

Michaela ignored this, choosing to step even closer towards him. "What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said with a little more fire in his voice this time.

"Did Marjorie do something?" she pried.

Quickly William turned on her now. "Do you not understand English!" he yelled. "I said leave me the hell alone!"

Michaela was taken back by his sudden explosion of anger and she slowly took two steps away from him. "Sorry," she muttered.

William raised his eyes and realized he had frightened her. He shook his head as he fought back tears. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's not your fault."

"Sometimes it helps if you talk about it," Michaela ventured as she saw William hastily reach up to wipe at his left eye.

"And sometimes it doesn't," he replied very matter of fact. "Besides I'm not sure you've had much experience in this area."

"What area?" Michaela continued to pry.

William shook his head but smiled a little. "Persistent, aren't you?"

"And persuasive," Michaela added grinning widely.

The smile faded from William's face as he considered telling Michaela. He didn't want to seem weak or foolish but somehow he had a feeling that telling Michaela would cause neither to happen. Sighing he walked towards the end of the dock and sat down. Michaela followed him leaning against one of the pilings instead of sitting beside him. "I saw your sister and Paul kissing," he said flatly.

Michaela knew her mouth was hanging open in shock. She had known Marjorie was interested in Paul but never in a million years did she think that Paul would reciprocate those feelings. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Very," William replied as he looked up at her shielding his eyes from the bright afternoon sun. "I kept thinking that something was going on. The way she has been brushing me off I guess I should have known but I believed her when she said she was busy with Claudia." He grew silent now and Michaela was at a loss as to what to say. "I don't understand why she didn't tell me." His voice began to change now as the anger took over once again. "She just kept leading me on, making me think that she really liked me. Here I am coming down here three times a week and waiting for her to return from her afternoon jaunts with him. They're probably having a good laugh about me right now!" he yelled as his anger reached a crescendo.

"William, I don't think it's like that," Michaela said gently. "Granted sometimes my sister can be fairly selfish but I do think she likes you. I just think she is confused."

"Confused about what? She either likes me or she doesn't!"

Michaela considered his statement for a minute. "Do you really think things are that cut and dry? Couldn't she like you and like Paul too?"

William looked at her. "I don't know. Could you like someone else the way you like Sully?"

Michaela blushed at William's forwardness and turned her head so that he wouldn't see her red cheeks. "This isn't about me," she whispered.

"I'm not trying to make it about you but suppose there was another girl that Sully also liked. He said he liked you – hell let's say he even said he loved you but he was telling this other girl the same things. How would that make you feel?"

Michaela didn't want to answer his question. She knew how that would make her feel but she didn't want to allow herself even for a minute to imagine that Sully could feel the same way about someone else. Besides the fact that she was discussing her relationship with Sully at all made her rather nervous. "Bad," she whispered.

"Bad? Is that all – just bad? Cause I'm going to tell you I feel a lot worse than bad right now!" William's earlier anger was returning with a vengeance. "You always love one more than the other!"

"William," Michaela said gently trying to calm him.

"Forget it Michaela! It's like I said earlier – you don't understand!"

"I understand. I can imagine how horrible it would be to give your heart to someone only to have them choose another over you. I'm not sure it's that serious though. It was only a kiss," Michaela reasoned.

"She won't let me kiss her," William revealed completely forgetting who he was talking to.

The night that Michaela had seen Clara kiss Sully came to the forefront of her mind. "Maybe it was a misunderstanding. You should talk to her." William laughed at what he considered the ridiculousness of her statement. "One time another girl kissed Sully but it was just a misunderstanding," Michaela offered quietly.

William laughed again but this time his laugh was almost cruel. "Don't compare your little childhood romance to this," he sneered.

Rage flew into Michaela. "You're the one who brought Sully up! Not me," she yelled her face flushing with anger. "And don't call it a childhood romance. You don't know anything about us! You're the one who doesn't understand things!"

"Fine!" William yelled jumping up quickly. "I'm leaving! This whole family is crazy!"

"Good riddance, "Michaela fired back turning and marching up to the house as William finished freeing the boat from the dock and set off for home.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, October 1864**

Stopping the horse momentarily on the side of the beaten path, she looked around feeling her fear return stronger than before. It had been four long years since she had traveled this road but today she had no idea what waited for her at the end of it. Four years ago, Abigail had brought her down this path to show her the house that Sully had built for them. Four years ago when she rode into Colorado Springs, she had known Sully was engaged. She had known what she was facing even though she wasn't prepared to face it. But now- the possibilities were endless. There was no way to know.

Her original plan had been to ask after Sully in town- to find out if he was still in the area though she was pretty sure he was. But something had drawn her out to the homestead that Sully had built for Abigail. When she had alighted from the coach, she had gone straight to the livery and hired a horse for the afternoon. Her first thought had been to ask after Sully at the livery but the man was not the same one from four years ago. Instead it was a black gentleman named Robert E. He had been nice enough and Michaela was glad that he hadn't asked many questions because she had not felt up to answering them. Rationally she knew this was not the way to go about things. She should have secured a room in town, she should have telegraphed someone to let them know she had arrived safely and she should have gathered information before riding out here all alone. Now it was too late – there was no turning back.

What if Sully had since taken a wife? What if she rode up to the homestead to find a woman hanging laundry and a small child playing in the yard? What would she say? Would she introduce herself as Sully's sister? Just thinking about this cut her to the quick and the pain that had burned deep within her every day for the past four years rose to the surface and threatened to spill out in all too common tears. Again she felt as if her heart was ripping in two but the feeling had become almost commonplace now – the pain never diminished but somehow she had learned to live with it. It had almost killed her watching Sully with Abigail. A conversation from a long time ago drifted to the forefront of her mind – How would it feel to know that Sully loved someone else? Of course she had thought he had loved Abigail but that hadn't exactly been true. Had that given her a false sense of hope? Was she so prideful that she had assumed she would always be the love of Sully's life? That even after all this time he would still be pining for her like she was for him.

Her first reaction was to turn around and head back to town but quickly she dismissed it. It was best to get it over with quickly instead of drawing it out. If Sully was married that was that, she would leave him alone and maybe she would even find the closure she had been missing for so long. Maybe just maybe the old wounds would finally begin to heal. Turning suddenly she dug her heels into the horse's side urging him on at a frantic pace, slowing only as she approached the last bend before the house. A small curl of smoke told her that someone was in fact at the house and her excitement grew along with her nerves.

As she rode closer, she saw a young blond haired boy in the yard and her heart fell. Could this be Sully's son? He looked to be around four or five but maybe he was simply large for his age or maybe Sully had married a widow who already had children. Slowly she dismounted the horse and led him the short distance to the edge of the barn, her eyes focused on the small boy trying to see any resemblance to Sully. The boy looked up at her, his eyes locking with hers as a wide smile spread over his face. "Hi," he said raising his small hand to wave at her.

"Hello," Michaela returned feeling a smile spread over her face as well. "Is your father or mother here?" Michaela asked looking around.

"Ma," he called out in the direction of the house. Someone appeared in the doorway but the sun's glare obstructed Michaela's view momentarily.

"Hello," said a warm voice. "Don't I know you?" The woman began to descend the stairs and a sense of relief settled in Michaela's chest. She did in fact know this woman and this boy had been a baby the last time she had seen him.

"Charlotte Cooper?" Michaela asked tentatively though she knew it had to be her.

"Dr. Mike," Charlotte said surprising Michaela by greeting her with a warm hug. "Must say didn't expect to see ya again."

"I know," Michaela nodded her head and dropped her eyes to the ground. "Do you live here?" she asked.

"Sure do. Bank took the boarding house nearly three years ago now. Sully insisted we move in here." Just the mention of his name made Michaela's heart sing within her and she clasped her hands together trying to contain her excitement.

"Where is Sully?" Michaela whispered her eyes meeting Charlotte's.

Charlotte saw the desperation there but she also saw hope. "Went north with the Cheyenne to their winter camp," Charlotte answered trying to gage Michaela's reaction.

"Cheyenne? Do you mean Indians?"

"Yes," Charlotte answered.

"I don't understand," Michaela said confusion written on her face.

Charlotte knew there would be time to explain but instinctively she knew other words needed to be spoken first. "Dr. Mike, he never married. Can't say I've even seen him take an interest in anyone. He's been through a lot though."

"I know," Michaela whispered relieved that Charlotte had answered her questions before she had even asked them. Yet at the same time Charlotte's last statement caused guilt to wash over her anew.

"Don't go frettin yet Dr. Mike. Ya came all this way. I can't imagine he'd send ya away." Charlotte smiled at her reassuringly but she knew she wasn't fooling Michaela. Who really knew what Sully would do?

"I had to try," Michaela whispered clutching her hands tightly trying to hold onto a distant hope that there love would find a way.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 12, 1847**

Paul pushed Marjorie away gently breaking their contact. Their eyes were still locked and Marjorie nervously bit her bottom lip wondering what would happen next. Inside of her she felt a surge of happiness, truly believing that Paul had feelings for her. Yet something in Paul's look worried her and she felt a sense of foreboding all at the same time. Paul hastily turned away and walked down closer to the river. This only served to heighten Marjorie's fears and she took a deep breath before finally joining him at the river's edge.

"Paul?" she whispered as she lightly approached.

"I shouldn't have done that," Paul said staring out across the river staunchly refusing to look at her.

"Why not?" Marjorie asked as her heart sunk in her chest.

"It wasn't right," he replied his voice barely audible.

"Please don't say that," Marjorie said as tears began to well up in her eyes. "It was right." Marjorie hesitated wondering how much more to say. She didn't want to scare Paul but if he understood how she felt about him maybe he wouldn't push her away. "Paul I love you," she declared. His silence unsettled her and she moved closer to him placing her hands on his shoulders and leaning her head against his upper back.

Paul sighed heavily as he felt Marjorie's soft hands on his shoulders. He relaxed back against her for a moment, letting himself imagine what it would be like to love this young beautiful creature who had so recently expressed her adoration of him. "Don't say that," he whispered. "You don't mean it."

"I do," Marjorie swore with all her heart. "I do love you Paul."

"You don't know me Marjorie. You love the Paul you've invented in your head not me."

"Paul don't say that." Tears fell now from her eyes wetting the back of Paul's shirt. Though his words were stinging she increased her grip on his shoulders willing him to love her like she loved him.

He felt the wetness on the back of his shirt and heard her shaking voice. Anguish coursed through his blood and he felt wetness on his own cheeks. Was it possible that he was also crying? Steeling himself he prepared to turn and tell her to leave him alone. He knew that as much as he wanted to love again that he couldn't allow that to happen and even if he hurt her, eventually she would move on. Yes it was best to get it over with once and for all. Yet when he turned and saw her tear stained cheeks, the forlorn expression on her face and felt the way her left hand still clutched at his shoulder, he lost all his resolve. Pulling her against him, he kissed her forehead. "Don't cry," he cooed as if speaking to Claudia.

No more words were spoken between them. Marjorie had forgotten all about William. The kiss and aftermath had washed any memory of him away for the present. She stood for what felt like an eternity allowing Paul to soothe her. She wrapped her arms fiercely around his torso as if holding on for dear life. One of Paul's arms held her close while the other gently patted her back. When they finally let go still no words were exchanged. She waited at the edge of the woods while he picked up his painting and art supplies and then they set off back to the house, the silence still thick between them.

* * *

As Michaela approached the house, she muttered under her breath, mad at William for multiple reasons and trying to remind herself that he had recently received a huge jolt that could account for his behavior. Glancing up she saw Sully's face at the window and she instantly remembered that she had left her two charges to talk to William. She quickened her pace wondering what had happened in her absence. As soon as she opened the door, she spotted Ida descending the stairs.

"I don't care if that girl is sick or not, she's a spoiled rotten brat!" Ida declared to Michaela.

"Sorry," Michaela said cringing at the thought of what Claudia had been putting Ida through.

"She needs to be turned over someone's knee," Ida continued. "And if she keeps this up, it might just be my knee."

"Oh, Ida," Michaela exclaimed. "What did she do?"

"Called for ya repeatedly for about five minutes and when I finally went up to see what she needed she started yellin' at me and throwin' pillows."

"Gracious," Michaela sighed. "I'm sorry, I just.." Michaela was interrupted by a loud shout from Claudia's room. "I'll go see what she wants now," Michaela said as she turned to head up the stairs. The shouts became louder the closer she got to the door and though Michaela dreaded what awaited her, she ran into the room anyway.

"Where have you been?" Claudia shouted at her. "I called and called for you. Where's my water?"

"I'm sorry Claudia. I had to do something."

"Something more important than me? I'm sick! Don't think I won't tell my father how you've treated me." Michaela shook her head and turned to head out of the room. "Where are you going?"

"To get you some water," Michaela replied through gritted teeth. Quickly she headed for the stairs but Ida met her at the top.

"Water for her majesty," Ida said handing the glass to Michaela.

"Thanks," Michaela returned before setting off back down the hall. She entered Claudia's room and carried the water to her. "Here you go, Claudia." Claudia snatched the water without thanking her and took one small sip before handing it back to her. "I need to check on Sully now. Can I get you anything before I go?"

"I guess not," Claudia said turning over in the bed. "But please close the curtains before you leave. The light is hurting my eyes." Michaela let out a breath to calm herself and then set about to close the curtains. Hopefully the darkened room would encourage her to go back to sleep. She closed Claudia's door behind her and ventured over to Sully's lightly tapping before she entered.

"Come in," Sully called weakly as Michaela turned the knob to enter.

"How are you feeling?" Michaela asked as she approached the bed. Sully was sprawled across the bedspread with his head resting below the pillows and his right arm dangling over the edge of the bed.

"Like my stomach is trying to escape through my mouth," Sully replied raising his head slightly.

"Delightful," Michaela responded as she sat down lightly on the end of the bed. Sully shifted so he could see her better.

"So why were ya talking to William?" he asked unable to hide the jealousy for one second longer.

"I wanted to know why he wasn't going on a picnic with Marjorie."

"And?"

"And he told me that he saw Marjorie and Paul kissing."

"Kissing?" Sully asked dumbfounded by this revelation. Michaela nodded her head. "On the lips?"

"Well I realize I have banned you from that sort of activity but I didn't think you would forget how it was done," Michaela answered laughing a little at her own joke.

"Michaela I don't feel well – don't try to be cute. I wanted to know if they were kissing on the lips on if he kissed her on the cheek or on the hand…" his voice faded out after this last option.

"Yes, on the lips."

"Was William upset?"

"Very upset and.." Michaela stopped as Claudia could be heard calling her name loudly from the next room. "I might strangle that girl before the day is out. There's more but it will have to wait," she explained. "Can I get you anything?"

"No I'll be fine," Sully assured her.

"Call if you need anything." Michaela crossed the room to the door. "Maybe you should get into your pajamas – you might be more comfortable," she offered.

"I might need your help with that," Sully teased.

"Do you have a fever?" A wide grin had settled on Michaela's face.

"I don't think so – why?"

"Because I think you're delirious," she said giving him a slight wink and then quickly exiting the room as Claudia's harsh tones could be heard once again calling her name.

* * *

Paul stood at his window looking out into the blackness of the night. Only a thin crescent moon shone down and a few stars dotted the sky. He felt weary and longed for the comfort of sleep but he knew that once again he would be denied that which he desired. Paul's mind was too full with the day's events and every time he lay down he found his thoughts racing from one thing to another.

Kissing Marjorie had never been his plan. Sure he had been flattered by her attention and he had let himself consider the very slim possibility that she was interested in him but never had he expected the raw emotion he had experienced from her out in the woods today. He closed his eyes and sighed loudly wishing that things were different. Her lips had been so soft and warm. The scent of her hair was intoxicating. It had been seven long years since he had held a woman like that, since he had kissed a woman like that. Guilt flooded though him as he remembered how much he had enjoyed that moment with her. So young, so beautiful- his body reacted just thinking about her. Reality set in though as he reminded himself that she was Josef's daughter. There would be no summer fling with her – he had to end it. She was too innocent, too pure. He couldn't use her like that even if she wasn't Josef's daughter. All Paul could offer her was heartache – why he had failed to make that clear this afternoon still bewildered him. Something inside of him had been stirred by her declaration of love and then her tears had pushed him over the edge. He had allowed himself to enjoy the sensation of holding her even when he knew it was wrong – that couldn't happen again.

They hadn't truly spoken for the rest of the day. Their walk back to the house had been in silence and after that Claudia had demanded each of their attention. At dinner, they had exchanged awkward glances while barely uttering two words to each other. A couple of times he had caught Michaela glancing at the two of them, an almost knowing look in her eye. But there was no way she could have known. Michaela had been tending to his daughter when the kiss had occurred. He knew she and Marjorie weren't what one would call close and he couldn't imagine Marjorie running back to tell her sister about the kiss either. It was probably his own guilty conscience making more of things than what they were.

Paul turned and headed back across the room towards the bed. He lay back down hoping that sleep might possibly overtake him if he was still for a little while. Now another face floated to his mind- that of his wife. Her pale white skin had stood out against her fiery red hair. The green of her eyes had drawn him in from the first time he had looked at her. The way she laughed, the way she commanded everyone's attention when she entered a room, the way she made him feel like the luckiest man on earth – these were the reasons he had loved her. Did he still love her? At one time he would have sworn that he did but after today – after Marjorie he wasn't so sure anymore.

* * *

Sully rolled over in bed for what felt like the hundredth time. He had slept on and off throughout the afternoon and was finding it difficult to fall asleep now. His stomach felt better than it had all day but he still had been leery of eating anything. There had been no opportunity for Michaela to fill him in on the rest of the William and Marjorie saga and he was dying to know the rest of the story. Over and over that day he had imagined what else Michaela had to tell him but his curiosity had not been sated with any of his own imaginings.

He heard the turn of the knob and he felt the door stir the air as Michaela quickly opened and closed it behind her. "Sully," she whispered into the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"Are you decent?" she asked still remaining stationary at the door.

"Yeah," he chuckled softly.

Slowly Michaela made her way across the room feeling her way in the dark. Sully sat up in bed so that Michaela could sit down on the end which she did as soon as she found it. As her eyes became more accustomed to the dark she noticed Sully was shirtless. "You said you were decent," she whispered.

"I am."

"You don't have a shirt on."

Sully sighed and reached over the side of the bed to retrieve the shirt he had earlier discarded. Quickly he put it on. "Better?"

"Just in case someone was to come in. I don't want them to think we're up to something."

"Right, keep tellin' yourself that," Sully teased.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ya want me to put my shirt on 'cause otherwise ya might be tempted to break the ban."

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed good-naturedly though louder than she meant to.

"Are ya tryin' to wake the whole house?"

"Sorry," Michael replied sheepishly. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I was afraid you might be asleep."

"Guess I took too many naps this afternoon. Sides I'm dyin' to hear the rest of the William and Marjorie story."

"It's not only about them."

"Well, Paul too," Sully added.

"No, it's about us as well."

"Huh?"

"William knows about us," Michaela stated.

"How?"

"I don't know. Maybe Marjorie told him or maybe from that day in the barn."

"What did he say?"

"He was all upset because he didn't think Marjorie liked him and I was trying to tell him that I think Marjorie likes him and Paul. Out of the blue he asks me how I would feel if you liked another girl and liked me at the same time. But then he got angry and started telling me I didn't understand," Michaela hesitated here unwilling to go on.

"And ya got angry too?" Michaela nodded her head as she studied the back of her hands. "What did ya tell him?"

"Nothing really. I mentioned the time I saw Clara kissing you and how that had been a misunderstanding. I was just trying to encourage him to talk to Marjorie," Michaela defended.

"That all?"

"He called our relationship a childhood romance and I told him he doesn't know anything about us."

"Anything else I should know?"

"No," Michaela said as let out the deep breath she had unconsciously been holding. "He had no right to say that about us."

"I agree," Sully said tenderly. "If he already knew about us, nothin' you said really caused any harm."

Michaela let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks for not being angry. I know sometimes I can't control my mouth."

Sully covered his mouth to quiet his laugh. "That's an understatement." Michaela reached over and playfully hit his leg. "No-no," Sully rebuked her. "Touching is off limits remember?"

Michaela ignored Sully's last statement and returned the conversation to Marjorie and William. As she did, she stretched out on the end of Sully's bed. "Should I say something to Marjorie?" she asked.

"About William?"

"Yes and about Paul."

"What are you going to say?"

"I'm going to tell her that I think it's wrong to jerk them around and that she needs to make up her mind. Besides Paul's too old for her." Sully clucked his tongue loudly but made no reply. "Do you not agree?"

"I don't think it's any of your business."

"Paul's age?"

"All of it. I know William spilled his guts to ya but I don't think ya should get involved. This is between Marjorie, Paul and William."

"Sully I have to talk some sense into her."

"All I'm sayin' is that I wouldn't be meddlin' if it was me."

Michaela sat up abruptly. "I'm not you and I don't think it's meddling," she whispered loudly. Sully remained quiet. "Aren't you going to try and talk me out of it?"

"Why should I? Ya already have your mind made up and you're as stubborn as they come."

"I am not stubborn," Michaela said taking offense at Sully's statement. She stood up from the bed and quickly crossed the room. Sully was right on her heels though.

"Sorry," Sully whispered as they reached the door.

Michaela stopped and turned. Sully stood close to her and she felt the familiar tingles begin to spread throughout her body. "For calling me stubborn?"

"No," Sully said. "I'm sorry for being mean to ya on the boat when we were going to pick up Paul. " He reached out in the darkness and took her hand. "Can't apologize for speakin' the truth – ya are stubborn but I like ya that way." Michaela smiled at him and turned her cheek towards him lightly tapping it with a finger from her free hand. Sully leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Night," he whispered.

"Night," Michaela imitated him before letting go of his hand and leaving the room.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 13, 1847**

After breakfast, Michaela followed Marjorie up to Claudia's room hoping the opportunity to talk about the previous day's events would present itself. Claudia seemed to have made a full recovery just like Sully but she insisted on staying in bed and being catered to. Marjorie had taken on that job as neither Michaela nor Ida had any patience left to deal with the young girl. Marjorie wasn't sure why Michaela was hanging around with her and Claudia but she went about the day's routine as if her sister wasn't there. She brushed and plaited Claudia's hair and then fed her some toast that she had brought up from breakfast. Finally, while Claudia feigned sleep Michaela took an opportunity to try and get Marjorie alone.

"I need to talk to you," she whispered over the wash basin to Marjorie who was pouring some fresh water.

"Now?"

"The sooner the better."

Marjorie looked over at Claudia whose eyes were closed. "Okay," she consented. They stepped out into the hall and Michaela pulled the door closed behind them. "Leave it open a crack in case Claudia wakes up." Michaela shook her head but complied with Marjorie's request. The house was deserted as Paul had gone off with Sully to paint and Ida and Anna were out of the porch enjoying the cooler air of the early morning.

"Marjorie I know what happened between you and Paul yesterday," Michaela cut right to the point.

"What? How?"

"William saw the two of you," Michaela said her eyes searching Marjorie's face.

"William," Marjorie murmured. This was honestly the first time she had remembered about their picnic since yesterday's events. "I forgot," she said. This was the truth. Between the excitement of the kiss and the emotional aftermath, she had pushed any thought of William from her mind.

"I know."

"Was he upset?"

"He saw you kiss another guy. Of course he was upset."

"He shouldn't have been spying on us. How did he know where we were anyway?"

"I told him where to find you because you had a date, remember?"

"So really this is your fault," Marjorie glared at Michaela accusingly.

"No, really this is your fault for gallivanting around with a man double your age."

"That is none of your business. Besides you don't have any room to talk. Sneaking around with Sully all the time. Who knows what you two are up to?"

"At least Sully isn't old enough to be my father," Michaela shot back.

"No, just your brother," Marjorie returned knowing she had hit a nerve.

Michaela felt rage flood her body but she took a deep breath trying to calm herself. Neither girl noticed the tiny eyes that now peeped through the crack in the door. "Marjorie, you have to talk to William," she warned.

"I will," Marjorie sighed.

"And you need to be rationale about Paul. How much do you really know about him? We didn't even know he had a daughter or that his wife was dead!"

Marjorie knew she couldn't argue with that and she looked over at Claudia's door to give herself time to think. It was then that she spied one small eye and a bright shock of red. She pointed at the crack and Michaela looked as well. "It's not nice to spy," Marjorie said good-naturedly as she pushed open the door.

"Sorry," Claudia replied unrepentantly. "Are you talking about my mother?"

Marjorie shot Michaela a look. "Not exactly," Marjorie replied.

"She's not dead," Claudia replied matter of factly.

"Who's not dead?" Marjorie asked.

"My mother's not dead."

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Thirty-nine**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 13, 1847**

Sully glanced over at Paul who stood in front of his picture, paintbrush in hand. He had been standing in this same position for twenty minutes and had yet to paint a single stroke. Sully knew that Paul often waited until the light was just right to capture a particular shadow or angle. He had incredible patience when it came to his painting but Sully had a feeling that his lack of painting had more to do with Marjorie than anything else. Paul had been unusually quiet at breakfast and had spoken only twice on their walk into the woods this morning. Sully knew that yesterday's kiss was weighing heavy on Paul's mind. There was an uneasiness on his face and his whole demeanor seemed rather defeated. Sully turned back to his own work and refocused his attention to try to capture the way the morning sun sparkled on the river.

Paul stirred slightly and decided to put down his paint brush. Shaking his head, he walked to a tree and leaned back against it closing his eyes. His sleep the night before had been fitful at best. He had awoken with a headache that normally would have kept him in bed at least for the morning but the note that Marjorie had slipped under his door made him want to flee the house. Painting provided his perfect excuse just as it always had. Yet running away from his problems was part of the reason his life was such a mess. There could be no more running away or ignoring his problems. This one had to be faced head on. Marjorie would not take it well – he knew that but it had to end now before things grew unmanageable.

"Paul?" Sully asked in a quiet voice.

Slowly Paul opened his eyes to look at him. "Hmm?"

"Ya okay?" Letting out a sigh, Paul nodded his head. "You're not coming down with what me and Claudia had are ya?"

"No. I didn't sleep well last night. I think I'm just tired," Paul explained putting on a smile for Sully's sake.

"Okay." Sully turned and walked the short distance back to where he was working. Paul considered the young man as he worked. Sully still had his whole life before him. What Paul wouldn't give to be Sully's age again; to be young and carefree, to be innocent once more. In his early weeks here, he had observed Sully and Michaela together and had begun to rethink what Elizabeth had said to him. There was no longer any doubt in his mind that Sully and Michaela shared a special bond but whether they even were aware of that he wasn't sure. He was curious about their relationship though and he allowed his mind to linger over this topic as he tried not to think about Marjorie.

"Sully," Paul called over to him. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Take a break and join me." Paul lowered himself to the ground and patted the area beside him.

Sully wiped his hands on his pants wondering where things were headed. Slowly he walked towards Paul and dropped to the ground a few feet away. "Before I came here," Paul began, "Elizabeth visited me."

"Oh," Sully said nonchalantly while trying hard to read Paul's expression. "What for?"

"To explain why my presence was required here." Sully nodded his head but remained silent. Paul knit his brow together but waited longer for Sully to ask for further explanation. When he didn't, Paul asked, "Do you know why I'm here?"

"Yeah," Sully said looking off into the distance a stoic expression on his face.

Paul shook his head and sighed as he literally watched Sully build a wall to keep him out. "Does she have valid concerns?"

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "She doesn't trust me around Michaela. I know that."

Paul stopped now when he saw a shadow fall over Sully's face. "I'm sorry," Paul hastily apologized. "This really is none of my business."

"I know you were sent here to chaperone me and Michaela. I know Elizabeth thinks there is something going on between us. But you're right this is none of your business." Sully's tone was flat and he rose as this last line left his lips.

Before this last statement Paul had been willing to let the subject drop but now something compelled him to say more. "Josef doesn't agree with her," he simply said. Silence greeted his statement. "Sully, I've made bad choices in my life. Choices I've come to regret deeply." Paul stopped here and Sully wondered if his words had anything to do with yesterday's kiss. "You are right. This is none of my business but as someone who does care about you, I feel I need to say this next part." He hesitated again; giving Sully the chance to protest but Sully remained quiet. "Josef isn't someone you want angry at you." This was not what Sully had expected to hear and he looked up at Paul suddenly, confusion written on his face. "I've known him for around five years now. He's not ever been one to put much stock in religion but he lives by a strict code of conduct. He abhors lying. I wouldn't want to be caught in a lie by him especially one that concerned his daughter."

Sully felt fear grip his heart at that instant and he wasn't even sure why. Everything Paul had said about Josef Sully already knew, but hearing it from someone else's lips seemed to drive the point home. They were walking on dangerous ground. It was only a matter of time before Josef would find out. True they were still young and the potential to hide their relationship still existed if they were careful. Though marriage was far from Sully's mind at his young age, he had a hard time ever imagining his life without Michaela and that meant that someday Josef would have to be told. This realization hit him hard and Sully reacted to it in the only way he could think of at that moment in time.

"I ain't lying to him," Sully said. "There's nothin' between me and Michaela. I think of her like my sister," he lied. "Elizabeth dreamed up all that other stuff 'cause she don't like me."

Paul narrowed his eyes as Sully responded. There was anger in his voice and his cheeks were flushed. Was Sully telling the truth? There really was no way for him to know. Yes there was a connection between Michaela and him but he could have exaggerated it in his own mind. "That's good to know," he said lightly.

"I'm gonna work on my painting," Sully said as an excuse to get away from Paul. Paul watched him go and the reality of his advice to Sully sank in as his thoughts once again flew to Marjorie. Tonight when he talked to her, he had to keep Josef in the forefront of his mind. No matter how much she begged or pleaded, he could not give in to his desire. He was weak- he knew that but tonight he had to be strong. Not even one night of passion was worth losing everything he had worked so hard to build for Claudia. He had taken great pains and sacrificed everything to flee the scandal and to cover his wife's existence; he couldn't let his own desires get the best of him now.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland - June 1858**

Michaela gripped Sully's hand tightly as she prepared herself to ask the question that had been running through her mind for the last few moments. "How long have you known?"

Josef laughed but the sound was cold and unfeeling. Sully felt Michaela tense and he gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "Does that really matter?" Josef replied. Michaela didn't know how to answer him but she refused to drop her eyes. "Besides, don't you think I deserve to have my questions answered first?"

Sully stepped slightly forward now. "Josef you have to understand…" Sully never had a chance to finish before Josef cut him off.

"The only thing I'm trying to understand is how my daughter, my own flesh and blood, who I have bent over backwards to help become a doctor has lied to me for god knows how many years! And you," Josef sneered, "I took you in when you had nowhere to go. I loved you like a son and this is how you repay me?"

Michaela's eyes were wide with fright. She had never seen her father like this. "Father, we wanted to tell you," she said meeklyunconsciously stepping closer to Sully.

"You wanted to tell me," Josef repeated and then he stopped as if he was actually considering this statement. "Now that I find hard to believe because just a couple of months ago you sat in my office and told me you had no interest in any man." Michaela swallowed hard knowing that her Father was right. "And at Christmas Sully was telling me about some girl he'd met out in Colorado." Sully dropped his shoulders and sighed. Josef was right- their deception had gone much farther than just keeping him in the dark. Both Sully and Michaela had deliberately lied to him. The web of deception was crumbling around them now and they couldn't help but feel like flies stuck in the spider's web.

Michaela felt the tears began to slip down her cheeks as she realized how deeply she had hurt her father. "I'm sorry," she said her voice quivering. Josef looked up at her and the disgust he felt fled momentarily. His little girl was crying and a huge part of him wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Sully also noticed the tears and like Josef he longed to stop them. He pulled gently at her hand and she instinctively leaned into him resting her head against his shoulder as she wiped at her tears with her free hand.

This small movement reminded Josef that Michaela's comfort came from elsewhere now. His anger towards Sully burned within him. "How long?" he asked his voice again cold and unfeeling. Michaela looked up at Sully afraid to answer Josef. Her eyes were wide with panic because she knew that their answer could send him completely over the edge.

"Awhile," Sully replied his eyes darting from Michaela to Josef.

Josef slammed his fist down on the porch railing making them both jump. "In case I haven't made myself clear – I am done with evasive answers and lies. I want it all out on the table here and now!"

"It's hard to say when it began," Michaela answered honestly hoping to appease Josef's rage somewhat.

Josef decided to change tactics. "When my mother died, were you involved then?"

"Yes," came their reply in unison.

"Before Sully left school?"

"Yes," Sully replied alone this time as Michaela sniffled loudly trying hard to control the tears that still fell.

"When Sully went to boarding school?"

"Yes," Michaela answered before Sully had the chance to.

"Oh god," Josef moaned as he covered his face with his hands.

Silence fell among the trio as Michaela let go of Sully's hand and stepped toward her father. Gently she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Father we never meant for things to happen like this. We never meant to hurt you." Her voice was soft and still shaky from crying but it was full of love and respect. This only made it easier for Josef to blame Sully all the more. When her father didn't respond, Michaela turned back towards Sully where she found his arms open and waiting. Quickly she moved across to him breaking the connection with her father. He pulled her close as she wrapped her arms around his torso, trying to tell her self that everything would be okay once her father got over the initial shock but Michaela couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 13, 1847**

Michaela closed the door quietly behind her watching her sister the entire time. Never had she felt much empathy for Marjorie. Everything that upset Marjorie always seemed so petty and shallow but this was different. Whether or not Michaela thought that Marjorie was wrong for going after Paul didn't matter now. She heard her sister's sobs escape her lips and Michaela quickly crossed to the bed and laid her hand on Marjorie's back.

"Go away," Marjorie screamed. "Leave me alone!"

Michaela didn't listen to her but sat down on the edge of the bed simply rubbing her back. Marjorie made no attempt to stop her and she didn't speak another word to her for the next few minutes. Eventually she turned on her side and looked over at Michaela. There was a strange comfort in her sister's familiar face and she reached over and took her free hand in her own. This move unnerved Michaela for a moment. "Marjorie?" she questioned.

"I feel like such a fool."

"You didn't know," Michaela reminded her.

"But he tried to push me away and I wouldn't let him. What have I done?" Again she buried her face in the bed as tears began to fall anew. Michaela gripped her hand tighter and Marjorie turned to look at her again. "I kissed a married man," Marjorie said as the shocking words fell from her mouth and she cried out again as the reality settled within her.

"Marjorie, there has to be some explanation. Why would he tell you his wife's dead when she isn't?" This didn't help matters though and Marjorie continued to sob. "You need to talk to Paul."

Marjorie quickly quieted and looked over at her. "How can I?" she asked. "I don't want to face him. I'm too embarrassed."

"He let it happen, Marjorie. It takes two to kiss. It's as much his fault as it is yours!" Michaela's voice was solid as she spoke this last statement and it grabbed Marjorie's attention. Michaela was right – she had done nothing wrong. She was the innocent party here. Paul was the one who had lied to her, who had led her on and then kissed her. Anger coursed through her as she sat up abruptly.

"It is his fault," she agreed her eyes flashing with rage. William's face came to mind now and she felt her anger grow. "He has messed up everything for me and William."

Michaela furrowed her brow. "Not exactly," she said.

Marjorie ignored Michaela as the hurt and anger had robbed her of rational thought "You're right – we need to talk! It's time he fesses up."

"Marjorie," Michaela said in warning. "You need to hear him out and you can't blame him for everything."

Marjorie turned her anger on Michaela now. "I can blame him for whatever I damn well please! And I'll thank you to keep your nose out of my business or else I might just share a little secret with mother and father!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Try me!" Marjorie screamed back.

Michaela removed herself quickly from the bed and walked towards the door. "You do and I swear I'll tell them all about you and Paul." Michaela saw the fear that crossed Marjorie's face and felt triumphant.

"Go ahead, at least I'm of age," she said boldly trying to recover from her slight falter but Michaela was already opening the door and leaving the room. She slammed the door behind her and Marjorie felt her heart shatter once again as the pain overtook her anger. She threw herself down on the bed and began to cry once more.

* * *

Marjorie didn't leave her room for the rest of the day which meant that Michaela was saddled with Claudia. This was not satisfactory to either Michaela or Claudia. Claudia grated on Michaela's every nerve as Claudia became moodier as the morning wore on. When Claudia had made her revelation neither had pressed her for details and as soon as Marjorie had settled her in bed she had run off to her own room. Slowly the morning dragged by with more and more altercations between the two of them. At lunch time Michaela heard the front door close as she headed downstairs to get Claudia's lunch which she insisted be served to her in bed. Her heart skipped a beat as she rushed down the stairs longing to see Sully and hoping that Paul was ready to take charge of his daughter. It was in fact Sully and out of sheer relief she ran to him and hugged him.

"I missed you," she said pulling back to look at his sullen face.

Sully raised his eyebrows. "I've only been gone a few hours."

"But I had Claudia the entire time," she groaned.

"Why?"

"Marjorie's upset and won't come out of her room," Michaela finished forgetting momentarily that Sully was still in the dark about Paul's wife.

"Upset at ya or Paul?" Sully asked setting down his art supplies on the hall table.

"Both of us but mainly Paul."

"But I thought she'd be happy that her and Paul," Sully hesitated not wanting to say the word kiss for some reason.

Michaela smacked her forehead. "I forgot- you don't know." Michaela hastily looked around the foyer and then lowered her head close to Sully's ear. "Claudia told us this morning that her mother is alive."

Sully stood still in a state of shock. Michaela had underestimated the effect this revelation would have on Sully but that was partially because she hadn't been privy to the morning conversation between Paul and Sully. At another time, Sully may have laughed at the irony of the situation – Paul lecturing him about lying when he was doing the same thing himself. Yet the fact that Paul meant something to Sully – that he had been an ally when Sully often felt very alone – made Sully feel betrayed. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, after all he had lied to Paul just a few hours ago but he did. "Did Claudia say anything else?" he finally asked.

"No, we didn't press her for an explanation."

At that moment Paul entered the foyer from the kitchen with a picnic basket in hand. "I had Ida pack our lunches to go so we could get back out," he said noticing the odd expressions on both their faces.

Sully looked at Michaela then back at Paul. "My stomach is upset again. I think I better rest this afternoon."

"Sorry to hear that," Paul replied as he quickly glanced back and forth between the pair. Obviously he had intruded on something but wasn't quite sure what. "Perhaps I'll spend the afternoon with Claudia. Is Marjorie with her?"

"No but I was just about to bring her up some lunch," Michaela explained hoping that Paul wouldn't ask where Marjorie was.

"I'll do it," Paul said without anything further.

Michaela breathed a sigh of relief as Paul turned back towards the kitchen. "Now you have to pretend to be sick," she whispered. "You'll be stuck inside all afternoon."

"Will you sit with me?" Sully asked a forlorn look on his face.

Michaela smiled and held out her hand to him. "Come on." Together they climbed the stairs to Sully's room. Sully stretched out on the bed watching Michaela as she closed the door and turned around. The morning's conversation with Paul had already left him feeling out of sorts and finding out about Paul's wife complicated the problem. He wasn't even sure why this was bothering him. Whether or not Paul's wife was alive shouldn't really matter to him. Michaela sat down on the end of the bed. "Are you alright?" she asked.

Sully let out a deep breath. "Yeah," he answered unconvincingly. Michaela could see something was bothering him but she hesitated to push him to tell her. She knew he would tell her eventually even if it took him a little while.

"How were things this morning?" she asked not knowing that in itself was a sensitive topic. Sully turned away from her on the bed as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. "Sully?" Michaela asked gently touching his leg. Quickly Sully sat up and threw his head down in her lap needing to feel the comfort he knew she could provide. At first Michaela was surprised by his sudden movement but when she recovered she placed her hand on his exposed left cheek feeling the moisture there. "What's wrong?"

Sully turned on his back so that he looked up at her albeit upside down. He needed her at that moment to fill up the empty space inside of him somehow but he wasn't sure how to ask. "People hurt each other so much," he whispered gently fingering the material of her skirt. "William, Marjorie, Paul," he spoke the names quietly. "Elizabeth, Josef, me and you."

Michaela ran her fingers through his hair. "How are you hurting anyone?"

"Your father would be so happy if I said yes to being adopted. Your mother told Paul to watch us. She doesn't trust me."

"Me either," Michaela tried to reassure him.

Sully acted as if he hadn't heard her. "People say things and do things that hurt the people they are supposed to love." Sully thought about his own mother as he said this and the tears started to flow harder. "They make the deepest commitments to each other and then turn and walk away when something better comes along." The image of Paul came to mind. "Everyone wants their own way and they don't care who they hurt to get it." Sully thought about himself as he said this and grew quiet.

Michaela felt at a loss for something to say and so she tried in the only way she knew how to remind him that not everyone was like that. "I love you," she whispered resting her hand against his cheek and softly rubbing its smoothness.

Sully brought his hand up to rest on the outside of hers as he felt that empty place inside him begin to fill. The only thought in his mind was Michaela and he closed his eyes enjoying her presence. "Thank you," he whispered, grateful that she had instinctively said the three words he so badly needed to hear.

A knock at the door startled them both. Sully hastily sat up fiercely wiping at his eyes. Michaela quickly rose from the bed, unsure of where to go as the door creaked open. "Sully?" Paul's voice drifted across the room.

"Yeah," Sully said turning slightly to see him.

Paul became aware of Michaela's presence over near the dresser. He looked at her giving a slight nod. If he had not been so preoccupied with what Claudia had just told him, he would have noticed how flushed Michaela's cheeks were and he would have seen the redness of Sully's eyes. He would have realized that he had just intruded upon a private moment but his own mission was all he could think of. "I'm glad you're both here. I think I need to clear some things up."

"You need to start with Marjorie," Michaela charged.

Paul looked directly at her as he realized they all somehow knew not just about his wife but also about the kiss. "I already tried. She won't open the door to me." Paul walked to the window as Michaela once again settled herself on the bed facing Sully. "Claudia told me that she overheard you and Marjorie," he said as he stared out the window. "She didn't understand much of what she heard but I know she told you that my wife is alive." Slowly he pivoted to look at them. Their eyes bore into his and the weight of his secret pressed down upon him. "Sometimes you tell a lie so much that you actually begin to believe it," he said dropping his gaze to the floor. He fell silent trying to collect his thoughts while Sully and Michaela watched expectantly from the bed.

When he didn't say anything else for another minute, Michaela spoke up. "Where is she?" Her voice was quiet but to Paul it felt as if she was screaming. The words seemed to fill the room and echo off the walls.

"I was very young when I met her. My father told me she wasn't a proper match for me," he laughed as he said this but the laugh held no joy. "But I of course knew better than him. Even when she initially rejected me, I kept pushing until eventually she agreed to our relationship." Paul had now forgotten who he was speaking to. It was almost as if he was in a trance as the story poured out from his soul. "It was never me she was rejecting- that's what I never understood. She didn't want to be tied down but I never understood that either. Or rather I never tried to understand. I was so happy when we found out that she was pregnant with Claudia. I ignored her unhappiness. I believed her when she explained away the bruises on her stomach as clumsy accidents. And when she fell down the stairs..." he drifted off now wiping at unfallen tears.

Sully and Michaela watched him, their eyes wide in a sense of fear of what he would say next. Their young minds had never dreamed up this sort of thing and the thought of a mother trying to kill her unborn child startled them both. This time it was Sully whose question spurred Paul on. "She didn't want the baby?" he asked timidly.

"No," Paul said shaking his head and still not looking at them. "I knew after Claudia was born that she was unhappy. The doctors called it melancholia and said it would pass with time. It never did." Finally he raised his eyes and glanced over at the bed seeing their startled expressions. Instantly he felt bad for recounting everything. He had somehow forgotten he was talking to children. Clearing his throat he continued but while the nightmare played out in his head, he edited the version Sully and Michaela heard.

"She fired every nanny, every housekeeper I hired. Most of the time for no reason. One left muddy footprints on the porch, another sang too much to Claudia. There was no pleasing her." He remembered the night in the middle of winter he had come home to find Ella sitting outside on the porch in nothing but her nightgown. The babies cries could be heard from outside the house. The house was freezing as she had fired the housekeeper and nanny that day and left the baby lying in her crib, her diaper soaked with urine.

"Instead of things getting better as Claudia started sleeping though the night it only got worse." He remembered how one night she had been bathing Claudia and he had left the room to get her a fresh towel. When he came back she was holding Claudia's head underwater. Paul recalled her little blue face as he pulled Ella's hands away. He picked the baby up begging God to let her still be alive. She was but from that day on Paul vowed she would never be alone with Claudia again.

"I quit my job and if I had to go out my mother sat with Ella and Claudia. But then one day things began to change. Ella seems to bounce back to her old self. The doctors said she would be fine and I believed them. I took another job teaching for only a couple of hours each day. Then one day she just snapped again. She tried to kill herself." Paul couldn't bring himself to look at Sully as he said these words knowing that he had been through a similar experience. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the bloody images running through his mind. It was a Thursday. He came home a little early that day. His mother had come by to watch Claudia so Ella could go to the doctor. The house was quiet when he entered but he could hear the rocking chair creaking against the floorboards in Claudia's room. Quickly he had ascended the stairs to greet his daughter and mother but what he found was horrifying. His mother had apparently already left. Ella was in her nightgown covered in blood and the same blood was all over Claudia. At first Paul couldn't tell where the blood had come from and Claudia was so quiet he just assumed it was hers. Instinctively he felt Claudia was dead but he was wrong. Ella had found out that morning she was pregnant again and something had just snapped. She had taken a knife to her stomach. When she finally looked up at Paul he saw that her face was tear stained. "I killed my baby," she had said holding Claudia out to Paul.

"She didn't hurt Claudia?" Michaela asked realizing that they were only getting part of the story.

"No," Paul answered truthfully. For in fact Claudia was only asleep. The blood belonged to Ella. "I had to put her in an institution. She has never been the same again."

"Why did you tell us she was dead?" Sully asked for he didn't quite understand the stigma of mental illness among the elite of society.

"To make things easier - for me but mostly for Claudia. We moved here from New York and I took the job at Harvard. I tried to build a new life for us. My only mistake was trying to let Ella still be a part of Claudia's life. We use to visit her - that stopped after Ella became hysterical during a visit and tried to rip Claudia's clothes off of her."

Sully and Michaela both stared at Paul in awe. Neither could imagine what emotional hell Paul had been through. "We're so sorry," Michaela whispered not knowing what else to say.

"Your sister," Paul said quietly, "reminds me so much of Ella. I guess I just wanted to feel the love of a woman again. What happened between me and Marjorie was my fault. I know I've hurt her."

"She'll come around," Michaela said. "Then you can explain everything to her." Paul nodded his head but did not look convinced. Michaela looked over at Sully.

"Michaela's right Paul. When Marjorie calms down, you'll see," Sully hesitated as there was something else he wanted to say. Taking a deep breath he looked at Michaela and she nodded at him knowing that they were both thinking the same thing. "We won't tell anyone," Sully said.

The look on Paul's face was one of relief but it quickly faded. "I really can't ask that of you."

Michaela looked over at him. "We have no reason to tell anyone."

Paul looked quickly from Sully to Michaela and smiled briefly before his thoughts returned once more to Marjorie. "I think I'll try to talk to Marjorie again if you don't mind entertaining Claudia for me," he said to Michaela.

"Sure," she replied but her voice lacked enthusiasm. Paul headed for the door with Michaela behind him. She turned to look back at Sully rolling her eyes.

"Have fun being sick," she said.

"Have fun babysitting the holy terror," Sully said waving at her with a big grin on his face.

"Right," Michaela said sarcastically before closing the door behind her.

**

* * *

****Annapolis, Maryland – August 14, 1847**

Sully stood by the mainsail as they made good time across the bay. The sun had just risen completely above the horizon and it was shining beautifully across the water. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he looked back at Marjorie who was sitting in the stern with her knees drawn up to her chest. He shook his head. How had he been talked into this?

When Marjorie had sailed into his room this morning before the break of dawn he had thought it was Michaela. He had felt the soft hand on his back gently shaking him awake as a voice repeatedly whispered "Sully, get up."

He had playfully rolled over in bed without opening his eyes and smiled up at who he thought was Michaela. "Maybe for a kiss," he had said jokingly. The gasp that escaped Marjorie's lips startled him and he quickly opened his eyes pulling the sheet up to cover his bare chest. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Nevermind," said Marjorie impatiently. "I need you to take me to see William," she said in hushed tones. Sully had at first objected and then had asked her to wait until later but eventually through her tears and persistence he agreed but only after Marjorie had assured him that Paul and her had talked and straightened everything out.

He had wanted to wake Michaela and tell her where they were going but Marjorie reminded him that someone would need to watch Claudia so in the end he had slipped a note under her bedroom door. Already the air was thick with humidity and his shirt clung to his back. He maneuvered the boat deftly and soon they were turning up the Severn River drawing ever closer to the Burke's house.

"How far now, Sully?" Marjorie called up to him.

"Not long. Ya sure William's gonna want to see ya."

"I'll make him. I have to tell him what a horrible mistake I have made. I don't know why I ever thought that Paul and I…" she stopped here suddenly and turned her head away from Sully.

"Ya didn't know," Sully reassured her. "I feel so bad for Paul."

Marjorie's ire rose at this statement but she tried to keep herself in check. She had lied to Sully this morning and told him she had worked things out with Paul when really she hadn't. He had come to her room repeatedly throughout the day and she had refused him entrance each and every time. She didn't care why his wife was still alive- it didn't matter. All she knew is that he had lied to her and led her into an adulterous situation as far as she was concerned. All she could think about was William and how she had pushed him away for nothing. She knew he was hurting but truly she believed she could make things okay again.

Before she knew it, Sully had brought them into dock and was jumping over the side to tie the spring line. She looked up the lawn to the house wondering if William was up yet. That didn't matter she would wait for him until he was up.

She didn't have to wait long. "What are you doing here?" called a voice from the shadows at the end of the dock. Sully and Marjorie both turned to look in that direction as William emerged out of the trees.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 14, 1847**

_Sully leaned over Michaela as they lay on the bank of the Choptank. "You're so beautiful," he said running his hand down the length of her arm. _

_Michaela blushed but couldn't resist saying, "Go on."_

"_And smart," Sully added as he gently kissed the tip of her nose._

"_And?"_

_Sully looked up at the sky thinking for a moment. "And stubborn," he teased now placing a light kiss on her forehead. _

"_But you like me that way, right?"_

"_Of course," he said a wide grin settling on his face. Torturously slow he moved closer and closer to her lips until he gently brushed them with his own. He shifted himself so that he lay on top of her, his warm breath stirring the hair around her face. At first Michaela liked the feel of Sully's heart so close to hers but suddenly it became too much for her to bear. The weight against her chest was making it hard to breathe and she began to push at him._

"Sully, you're hurting me," she said opening her eyes to see Claudia's face inches from her own.

"Sully?" Claudia yelled. "I'm not Sully." Michaela realized she had been dreaming and that the pressure she had felt on her chest had been Claudia. She rolled slightly and pushed the girl off of her.

"Go bother someone else!" Michaela yelled agitated in general by Claudia's presence but in particular because she had ruined an excellent dream.

"There isn't anyone else to bother," Claudia informed her.

"What do you mean?" Michaela asked screwing her face up in frustration.

"Father went into town with John to send some telegrams. Sully took Marjorie to some place. Ida's busy helping Anna get dressed."

"Back up," said Michaela. "Sully took Marjorie where?"

"I don't remember," Claudia said flippantly.

"On the boat?"

"Well it's gone so I guess so."

Michaela rolled her eyes at Claudia and shook her head. "I would watch myself if I was you."

"I think someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Claudia sang out.

"No someone woke up with the most annoying little girl in the world on her chest!" Michaela grabbed her robe and ran out of her bedroom to try and find out where Sully and Marjorie had gone. She met Ida feet from Anna's bedroom door.

"Ida, where did Sully and Marjorie go?"

"John said up to Annapolis," Ida replied shaking her head. "They left before I was even up. John said Marjorie was in an all fire hurry to get somewhere."

Claudia chose that moment to tap Michaela on the back. Michaela turned around not even noticing that Claudia held a piece of paper in her hand. "No one is watching me and I don't think father would like that."

"Claudia, go to your room!" Michaela yelled at her. Claudia opened her mouth to object but Michaela was one step ahead of her. "I said go!" The red head stamped her foot on the floor and balled up the piece of paper she was holding. Turning around she stomped loudly in the direction of her bedroom door.

"I'm going but not because you told me to," she said turning around to glare at Michaela.

She threw the piece of paper she had waded up in Michaela's direction but it fell short and rolled under the hall table. That only served to irritate her even more and she entered the room slamming the door behind her.

Ida and Michaela exchanged looks as Anna called for Ida. "Thanks," Michaela muttered as Ida turned to go.

Michaela went back to her own room to wash up. She was angry and not only at Claudia. Why hadn't Sully woken her before he left? And why had he agreed to take Marjorie up to see William in the first place? Claudia was supposed to be Marjorie's responsibility and once again Michaela had been sidled with her. Hastily she dressed, taking her aggression out on the knots in her hair. Things were going to be different today. She was going to put Claudia in her place and then they were going down to the dock to await the return of Marjorie and Sully so that as soon as they stepped off that boat Michaela could lay into both of them.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty**

**Annapolis, Maryland – August 14, 1847**

"What are you doing here?" William asked again when Marjorie didn't answer. She took a deep breath as his eyes locked with hers and she saw the anger there. William walked deliberately down the dock though he would have preferred to run towards the house. He had come out here this morning to be alone and get away from his mother as she prattled on about inviting Marjorie up before the summer was over. He felt like such a fool that he hadn't bothered to tell anyone at home what had happened.

Marjorie stepped to the edge of the boat. "I needed to see you," she replied her voice soft and breathy.

"I don't want to see you," William returned the tone of his voice cold and unfeeling.

"I've made a terrible mistake. Please can we at least talk," she begged her voice full of desperation. William closed his eyes trying hard to resist giving in to her request.

Sully stood by watching awkwardly unsure of what to do or where to go. He felt like an interloper as he was forced to watch this private moment play out in front of him. Approaching footsteps caused the three of them to look up to the other end of the dock.

"Sully, Marjorie, what a surprise," Dr. Burke said warmly. "Is Michaela with you as well?"

"No," Marjorie replied shaking her head.

Dr. Burke saw the troubled look on her face and immediately knew something wasn't right. "It isn't Anna is it?"

"Oh no. I came to see William. We've had a small misunderstanding," she explained as her eyes turned towards the young man hoping that he would look over at her.

"I see," Dr. Burke said trying to conceal a smile. He looked down the dock now understanding why Sully stood so far away looking uncomfortable. "Sully, why don't you join us for breakfast?"

Though breakfast with the Burkes was not Sully's idea of a good time, he was relieved to have an escape from the tense situation between William and Marjorie. "Thank you," he said quickly walking toward where Dr. Burke stood.

"Join us after you talk," Dr. Burke said to Marjorie and William before turning with Sully to head up to the house.

Knowing that he could no longer escape, William walked to the edge of the boat and helped Marjorie down. "Thank you," she whispered.

William turned and walked down the dock towards the water. Marjorie wasn't sure if she should follow or wait to be asked but she didn't have to wonder for long. Quickly William turned back towards her. "Marjorie, why? Why didn't you tell me that you weren't interested? Why did you let me go on making a fool of myself? Why?"

"William, I am so sorry," she said her voice quivering with unfallen tears. "I do care for you and I never meant to hurt you. It was a mistake – a terrible mistake." The tears began to flow now and William found his resolve could not stand up to her tears. Marjorie covered her face with her hands knowing that her tears were as much about her own hurt as his.

"Paul and you.." William began but then hesitated unsure how to frame his question.

"There's nothing there William," she said dropping her hands and looking over at him.

"But all the afternoons spent together."

"I was watching Claudia," she assured him. "And I was confused. I didn't realize how I felt about you. I didn't know that I was pushing you away." This was only partially true but Marjorie knew that if she told William the real reason it would only upset him more. She closed the distance between them. "Can you forgive me?" she asked as she stepped in front of him.

William sighed heavily. "I want to," he whispered knowing that his own tears were right below the surface. "It's hard though."

"I know," she said sympathetically imagining her own response if Paul asked for her forgiveness.

"I want us to have a future," William admitted.

"I would like that to."

William looked up at her trying to judge the sincerity of her words. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to say he forgave her. He wanted to kiss her and hold her but still something held him back. "Maybe I rushed into this," he said.

Marjorie could sense his hesitation and tried to allay his fears. "Why don't we start over?" she proposed. "Take things slow."

"I would like that," William agreed but vowing to himself to be more careful this time around.

"Do you forgive me?" Marjorie asked again.

"Yes," he said meeting her eyes and moving closer to her. His lips felt warm against hers as he gently kissed her. Marjorie had known it was coming and had looked forward to it but something didn't feel quite right. Had she been too rash in coming here this morning? William began to move away from her and Marjorie couldn't help but think how different Paul's kiss had been from William's. She pushed that thought out of her mind immediately and vowed to herself that from this point on she would be completely honest with William. She smiled at him shyly and then took his proffered hand as they walked up to the house together.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 14, 1847**

"Sit still!" Michaela scolded Claudia as she tried unsuccessfully to braid the girl's hair.

"You're hurting me!"

"It wouldn't hurt if you would sit still," she explained. Claudia crossed her arms angrily over her chest but finally sat back in the seat stilling her body. Michaela knew she was being rough but she was beyond caring. When Michaela had brought breakfast up from the kitchen for Claudia she had stubbornly refused to eat one bite. Then there had been a fiasco over what dress she was going to wear for the day. Michaela threw out some plain cotton one from her closet and insisted that she put it on. Claudia wanted to wear the fancy green gown that was clearly made for some special occasion. In the end Michaela gave in. What did she care if Claudia ruined a perfectly good dress? She tied the ribbon at the end of her hair and stepped back looking at the finished product. She almost laughed despite her anger. Claudia looked ridiculous in the gown and her part was all crooked making the left side of her braid stick up funny.

Claudia looked in the mirror. "You messed my hair up!" she charged.

"It's not my fault you don't know how to sit still," Michaela returned knowing full well what was coming.

"Redo it!" Claudia screamed ripping the ribbons out.

"I am not your servant. Do not speak to me like that."

"Father is not going to be happy with you," Claudia leered at Michaela.

"Do you think I'm scared of your father? What exactly do you think he is going to do to me?"

This gave Claudia pause and instead of answering she turned back towards the mirror. It was true, Michaela was not a nanny who could be fired and her father never really did anything when she complained anyway. She decided to try another tactic. "If Marjorie were here," she began but Michaela cut her off.

"Well she's not here and I got news missy – we're doing things my way today!" Claudia pushed out her bottom lip and let out an angry breath but Michaela paid it no mind. It was hard to say if her anger at Sully and Marjorie was making her more cross with Claudia or vice versa. A gleam of white outside of the window caught her eye. "They're back," she whispered to herself.

"Who's back?" Claudia asked trying to push her way to the window but Michaela grabbed her hand and pulled her out the door. "You're hurting me," she whined.

"Then walk faster," Michaela returned as she readied herself to confront Sully and her sister. Down the stairs and out of the front door, she pulled Claudia who was still dragging her feet. Her mind was so preoccupied with all the things she wanted to say to Sully that she never looked up at the sailboat until they were almost at the dock.

A solitary figure stood on the pier. He was taller than Michaela remembered but his hair was the same shade of blond. She gasped in surprise and partially in fright.

"Hello," called Thomas' smooth voice to the two girls who had stopped suddenly at the end of the dock. "I was passing the place and thought I'd drop in."

Michaela was in no mood to deal with him today and she let go of Claudia's hand as she walked out to him. "You're not welcome here."

"Listen you have every right to be upset with me about what happened at New Year's."

"Did you hear me? I said you are not welcome here!"

"Michaela I just want to apologize."

"Fine, apologize and then get on your boat and go home!"

Thomas felt the rage building inside of him but he knew this first meeting with her was going to be rough. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself. "I'm sorry," he said but made no move to leave.

"Sorry for what? For asking Clara to kiss Sully? For making sure I saw it? Or for trying to rape my sister?" Michaela's words were filled with venom and Thomas felt their stinging bite.

"That was a misunderstanding," Thomas quickly returned though the blow hit him hard. He had hoped that Michaela didn't know about the incident between him and Marjorie.

"The only misunderstanding is that you don't know what the word stop or no means. So hopefully you will understand this. Get out of here!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

Thomas pressed his lips together trying to control himself. His hands were shaking with rage as he turned to get back on his boat before he did something that would ruin everything. "It was a misunderstanding," he said through gritted teeth. "Hopefully someday you will come to see that."

Michaela simply shook her head in disgust. "Go," she said feeling relieved that he had at least gotten in the boat. As soon as he was a short distance into the river, she suddenly remembered Claudia was standing at the other end of the dock. Quickly she turned ready for any smart comments the little girl might throw her way but she was no where in sight. "Claudia!" Michaela called feeling her anger burn deep inside of her. There was no answer. "Claudia!" she called again. She started to worry a little but quickly dismissed it sure that Claudia was just hiding somewhere having a good laugh at her expense.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – 1852**

Michaela sat on the end of the dock her head still spinning. She still couldn't believe it. Anna had left her practically everything and that everything included the Brooks' estate. Why had Anna never told her that she had bought them out? That must have been why they freed their slaves. Thomas had tried to convince her just a couple of days ago that his father had a change of mind about slavery. Michaela chided herself for not seeing through that one. Now Michaela knew that is was Anna who had forced his hand. She laughed to herself thinking about her grandmother. The sadness of her death still hung over her but the past few days had allowed her to remember all the good times spent here with her. Sully had been instrumental in that and she looked up at the house wondering what was keeping him.

Someone was coming down the dock but it wasn't who she expected. Thomas walked towards her and Michaela immediately felt uneasy. She stood as he approached trying to look around him for any sign of Sully. "Afternoon Michaela," he greeted her.

"Thomas," she returned her voice strained.

"I wanted to come by and see how you were holding up."

"Thank you. I'm doing okay." Her words were short and curt.

"Rumor has it that Anna left you everything." His voice was warm but his eyes cold and calculating.

"I was named her heir," Michaela answered warily, wondering where this was heading.

"Did you inherit our estate?" he asked coming right to the point.

"Yes."

"Then I am here to offer to buy it back," he said plainly.

"It's not for sale."

"You may want to rethink that," Thomas said moving closer to her. "I can make things fairly difficult for you."

"Are you threatening me?" Michaela asked as fear started to wash over her. She tried to sound confident but knew she was failing miserably.

"I prefer to think of it as advising you," he said again taking a step towards her.

"I don't think she needs any advice," called Sully's voice from the end of the dock.

Thomas turned to look in his direction. "And I don't need your advice," Thomas replied rather sure of himself.

Sully made his way down the dock his eyes never leaving Thomas. "I think it would be best if you left now."

"If Michaela would like for me to go then I will." He turned to look at her. "Michaela?"

"Please leave," she said her voice quivering with fear.

"Fine I'll go but you may want to rethink my offer," he said brushing past Sully and heading back down the dock. As soon as he was out of sight, Michaela ran to Sully. He opened his arms to her and wrapped them securely around her waist.

"I was so scared," she admitted.

"I know," soothed Sully. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner but don't worry. I won't let anything happen to ya."

Michaela relaxed against him as the warm cocoon of his arms made her feel safe. She marveled at the way Sully had grown from a lanky boy into a man in a few short years. His chest was broad and she could feel the rippling muscles beneath his shirt. Gently she ran her hands over his chest and up to encircle his neck. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Ya don't have to thank me. I love you Michaela and I would give my own life for you." His words touched her soul and she melted against him wishing she could remain in his arms forever.

* * *

**Annapolis, Maryland- August 14, 1847**

Breakfast with the Burke's was painful at best. Before William and Marjorie had joined them, Sully had to endure endless questions many of them centering on his relationship to the Quinns. He abhorred references to Michaela as his sister and this conversation had been full of them. Surprisingly he felt relieved when William and Marjorie joined them as Julia Burke instantly gravitated to Marjorie and ignored Sully. But he felt even better when breakfast finally ended.

"Couldn't we stay for a little while longer?" Marjorie begged Sully as they walked back to the dock.

Sully glanced over at William who was accompanying them. "We need to get home," Sully replied sternly.

"It's probably for the best," William added. "I told father we could go sailing this afternoon."

"Okay," Marjorie conceded. "Will you visit soon?" she asked William tilting her head to one side as she smiled at him.

"I leave to go back to Boston in a couple of days," William informed her. "I may not have a chance to come down to Cambridge before I leave but the minute you return to Boston I will be calling on you."

Marjorie pretended to pout a little. "I guess that will have to do."

William smiled at her childishness as Sully rolled his eyes in disgust. He began to ready the boat for their departure while Marjorie continued to flirt with William who was still a little wary of her but was enjoying the attention. "We gotta go," Sully finally said knowing that he sounded rude but not caring.

"Good-bye," Marjorie whispered next to William's ear. She began to move away but William placed a hand on her shoulder holding her still. Again, he dipped his head and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Good-bye," he returned finally letting go of her.

The trip home felt like it took an eternity as they were now sailing against the wind that had helped them make such good time this morning. That meant more work for Sully as he had to tack most of the way back. A sense of foreboding came upon him as they maneuvered out of the bay and into the Choptank. Something didn't feel right to him but it was nothing he could put his finger on. It dawned on him that it was very possible that Michaela would be slightly upset with him for leaving with Marjorie. That was probably what he was feeling. Finally Anna's house appeared in the distance. The sight made Sully feel better but still he braced himself for a scuffle with Michaela.

Marjorie lingered on the pier with Sully while he finished docking the boat. She was dreading having to see Paul but she knew it was inevitable. Still anything to postpone it a little longer was to her liking. Sully finished and turned to her, "Ya comin'?"

"Yes," Marjorie sighed as she followed Sully down the dock to the lawn. Sully looked up at the house again feeling the sense of foreboding from earlier. He quickened his pace leaving Marjorie behind, needing to assure himself that nothing had happened to Anna or Michaela. Taking the steps two at a time, he thundered onto the porch darting through the screen door. He looked up the stairs considering where he should go first but voices coming from the morning room drew him there instead.

Hastily he made his way down the hall where Ida, John and Michaela stood outside the morning room door. Michaela looked up at him and he saw that she had been crying. "Is it Anna?" he asked feeling his hands begin to shake.

"No," Ida replied. "It's Claudia."

"What happened?" he asked feeling slightly relieved that Michaela and Anna were okay.

Michaela let out a sob and brushed past him fleeing to her room. Sully tried to put his hand out as she ran by but she simply knocked it out of the way.

"Goodness," Ida said shaking her head. "I just got her calmed down."

"What's going on?" Marjorie asked now joining them as well.

"Claudia fell out of the oak in the front yard," John explained.

"Is she okay?" Marjorie asked her eyes wide with panic.

"She hit her head and the bone broke clean through her arm. Don't know much more. Doctor's with her now." John nodded towards the closed door as he spoke. "Paul's with 'em too."

"Why is Michaela so upset?" Marjorie asked knowing there was no love loss between her and Claudia. "She flew past me up the stairs on my way in."

John and Ida exchanged looks. "She was watchin' Claudia when it happened," Ida replied.

"Sounds like not watching her if she fell out of a tree." Marjorie said in disgust.

Ida quickly came to her defense. "Ya don't know the circumstances. Thomas showed up and Michaela was tryin' to deal with him when Claudia got away from her. It wasn't Michaela's fault."

All Marjorie heard though was the name Thomas. "Thomas was here?" she asked her eyes growing even wider.

"Miss Michaela done run him off," John assured her. "Ain't nothin' to worry about." But his words assuaged neither Sully nor Marjorie's fears.

"I'm gonna go check on Michaela," Sully said worried now that she had pushed him out of her way. Certainly that wasn't a good sign.

"That's a good idea," Ida said. "She be blamin' herself. Try and talk some sense into her. I'll come up and tell ya what the doctor says as soon as we know somethin'." She patted Sully on his back and sent him on his way.

Quickly Sully climbed the stairs knowing that the feeling of foreboding he had felt earlier was in fact connected with Michaela's distress. He had forgotten the possibility that she would be angry with him as his only thought was to comfort her. Pushing her door open without knocking he hurried into her room to find her balled up on the bed strangely quiet. "Michaela?" he asked softly as he approached the bed.

She didn't answer him and Sully grew concerned. He bit his bottom lip and tried again. "Michaela, it's not your fault." He sat down on the edge of the bed and touched her ankle.

Quickly Michaela sat up and pulled her leg out of his reach. "You're right! It's not just my fault – it's also your fault and Marjorie's fault and Paul's fault!" Each name seemed to get louder and Sully shrank back as her eyes flashed with rage. Sully opened his mouth to speak but Michaela beat him to it. "I don't want to hear anything from you. Do you hear me? Not one word. Running off this morning with my sister – not telling me where you were going. I had to find out from Claudia. The eight year old knows more than I do about my own beau!"

Sully was shocked but not just at her anger. She had never referred to Sully as her beau before. If it hadn't been for the fact that Michaela was extremely angry, Sully would have been thrilled by her use of this word. Still he took a little joy in it even if it was said in anger. "I left a note," Sully tried to defend himself.

"Where?" Michaela demanded.

"I slipped it under your door 'fore we left," Sully said turning to look around the floor thinking it had gone farther than he had intended. "Ya didn't get it?"

"Obviously I didn't get it," she replied her tone biting.

"I wanted to wake ya. I wanted ya to come with us but Marjorie was in such a hurry and she reminded me that someone would have to watch Claudia."

The last sentence sent Michaela over the edge. "Sure just pass Claudia off on Michaela! When I get my hands on Marjorie – uhh! And you," she said pointing at Sully, "you just go running off to Annapolis to take Marjorie to see William when she hasn't even talked to Paul! Are you an idiot?"

Sully began to get angry himself now that Michaela was getting more and more belligerent. "She told me she talked to him last night!"

"Paul told me they never talked but do you stop to confirm anything with others! No! You just go gallivanting off with my sister up the bay! Sure I'll take you to Annapolis Marjorie! Whatever you want, Marjorie!"

"It wasn't a pleasure cruise," Sully said getting to his feet. "Ya think I wanted to eat breakfast with the Burkes. Ya think I wanted to stand there and watch while William let Marjorie walk all over him!"

"Then why in the world did you take her up there!"

Sully exhaled loudly knowing that he didn't really have a good explanation. He had found that living with the Quinns it was often easier to go with the flow and that is what he had done this morning. "She was cryin' and beggin' me," he said knowing Michaela was going to rip him apart.

"And we certainly wouldn't want to see Marjorie cry!"

"Michaela, please be reasonable!"

Tears began to form in Michaela's eyes now but she hastily wiped them away. Her voice however could not hide the fact that she was upset. "And then Thomas showed up here. And I was all alone with Claudia," she hesitated as her voice became even more shaky.

"Ida and Anna were here," Sully said puzzled by her last comment.

"And what were they supposed to do Sully! I needed a man Sully! What if Thomas had tried something?"

"He didn't, did he?"

Michaela acted as if she hadn't heard him. "I was so scared of what he might do," she admitted. "And nobody was here." Sully understood now. He knew that the chance of him being able to physically beat Thomas was extremely slim but if he had been here he would have done anything to protect Michaela.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

A knock at the door caused them both to jump. Since Sully was standing he went to the door and opened it. John stood there looking from one to the other of them. "Doc thinks Claudia is gonna be okay. She's come to now. Doc says that her head injury is rather minor. The break in her arm is bad like ya suspected but he's already put her under and is getting it all taken care of. Michaela he wanted me to tell ya that your fast thinkin' probably saved her life."

"Thank you John," Michaela whispered.

John looked from Sully to Michaela once more. "Y'all alright?"

"Fine," Michaela muttered dropping her eyes to look at the bed. Sully nodded.

"Okay then. I'll be in the barn if ya need me," John said and closed the door

"You saved her life, Michaela," Sully said feeling his heart swell with pride.

"No thanks to you!" Michaela returned her voice full of venom. "She ran away while I was confronting Thomas and climbed that stupid tree. Do you know what it felt like when I found her lying on the ground unconscious?" Sully didn't answer but nervously chewed on his fingernails as images of his mother's unconscious body floated through his own mind. "Do you?" she screamed.

Sully could take it no longer. There was nothing he could say at this moment to appease Michaela. He simply rose from the bed and headed towards the door.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" Michaela screamed after him but Sully didn't stop. Quickly he turned the knob and stepped from the room. The air was stifling suddenly and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. He turned towards the stairs and began to descend them two and three at a time. The need to get away from everyone was more than he could bear. Throwing open the screen door, he ran and ran having no direction or destination in mind. He ran until his side ached and his breath came in short gasps. Then he stopped and collapsed in the middle of the forest floor.

* * *

The doctor sent Paul out of the room while he performed the surgery on Claudia's arm. The bone had broken through the skin and he needed to set the bone and sew up the affected area as well as assess any further damage. Paul had left reluctantly. He had come so close to losing Claudia many times in her short life that he was petrified to leave her side. John had left to tell Michaela and Sully the doctor's news while Ida went to put on some tea. Marjorie wasn't sure what to do with herself. She felt bad for Paul but things were still so awkward between them.

Paul stood opposite of her in the hall looking off to the side. He let out a ragged breath causing Marjorie to look over at him. His cheeks were stained with fresh tears and his eyes were rimmed with red. "I'm so sorry this happened, Paul," Marjorie began, "Maybe If I had been here."

"Marjorie, please don't think that. It isn't anybody's fault. Well maybe Claudia's," Paul said letting out a brief laugh that ended in a sob. "Oh god, if anything happens to her." He covered his face with his hands and broke down once more.

Marjorie felt compelled to go to him even after everything that had happened. Feelings are strange uncontrollable things when you are young. The same man that Marjorie hated with a vengeance this morning was the same man that she now wrapped her arms around and patted his back. The move was made to bring comfort and it did bring Paul some comfort though he knew that they still needed to talk. Slowly he pulled away from her and said, "Doctors going to be in there for awhile. Maybe we could talk?"

"Sure," Marjorie said swallowing hard. "Out on the porch?" Paul nodded his head and followed her out through the front screen door. They settled on the end opposite of the porch swing. Paul leaned on the railing while Marjorie stood against the house.

"I never meant to hurt you," Paul began. "I tried to push you away," he stopped knowing this wasn't the right thing to say. This conversation was going to be hard enough but now that he wasn't thinking clearly it would without a doubt be even harder. "Maybe now isn't the best time to talk," he said quickly.

"Paul I realize that you tried to warn me away and I didn't listen. I understand that but what I don't understand is why you lied to me about your wife," Marjorie quickly said ignoring his last statement.

Paul inhaled deeply as he considered Marjorie. He did not feel like reliving his nightmare again when the morning had been enough of a nightmare in itself. "I know it was wrong," he agreed. "I'm going to tell you. I want you to know. It's not an easy story."

Marjorie nodded her head. "That's okay. Please tell me."

Her voice was so gentle and soothing that Paul relaxed. Then he began to tell Marjorie about his wife. He didn't sugarcoat the story for Marjorie though. He felt she needed to know the whole thing even if it was too much for her. Her gasps told him that she was horrified but he continued regardless, needing to speak the whole thing aloud for some reason. By the time he reached the end he felt completely drained as if he had poured out his soul.

"My god," was all Marjorie said as he finished.

"I was selfish Marjorie. I just wanted to love again and to feel loved again. My wife is locked away forever. She will never return to me- she will never be my Ella again. I know I was wrong to allow that kiss but please try to understand. It brought me such pleasure Marjorie to hold you even if it was wrong. Please don't begrudge me that happy memory. Please forgive me."

"Oh Paul," Marjorie exclaimed not knowing what else to say. The story of his wife had broken down any anger that remained in her and she longed to wrap her arms around him once more. Why had she been so quick to run to William this morning? "What have I done," she whispered.

"Marjorie?" Paul asked afraid that she was still angry with him. "Please say you can forgive me."

"Completely," she said moving towards him.

He looked at her and smiled. "Thank you."

Marjorie nodded her head slowly as she stood in front of him. Unable to resist a moment longer, she wrapped her arms around his back. "I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I wish I could take away all your pain."

Paul knew they were again on dangerous territory but her words were so pure and so innocent that they touched his soul. Things might have gone further if the screen door hadn't suddenly opened. Ida stepped out on the porch as they hastily moved away from each other.

"Y'all want some tea?" she asked noticing Marjorie's flushed cheeks.

"Sure," they both agreed realizing that it was best not to be alone anymore. Paul followed her into the house knowing that as soon as Claudia was able they would need to leave for Boston. The temptation would simply be too great if he was to remain here any longer.

* * *

The operation went fine. Claudia awoke an hour later and within another hour she seemed to be her normal annoying self. The doctor had left some morphine for the pain and once she had received it, she fell back asleep. Paul had set up vigil in her room and Marjorie remained with him until the late hours of the night but they were careful to keep the door open. They also made sure to keep their distance from each other.

As the afternoon wore on Michaela decided to leave her bedroom. She still felt angry but the argument with Sully had been cathartic for her and she was beginning to feel a little bad for being so hard on Sully. She made a sweep of the house assessing that he was not inside. She walked down to the dock but the boat was still tied securely and he was no where in site. Walking the perimeter of the house, she looked for any sign of him but found none. When Sully had still not returned by late afternoon, Michaela was beginning to get worried. When he hadn't arrived by dinner, she knew it was time to look for him. Michaela went to John and told him about their argument. Then she asked him if he would look for Sully. He had readily agreed to go. When he returned an hour later without Sully, Michaela panicked but John assured her Sully was fine. He explained that Sully needed some time alone and that he would return when he was ready.

Michaela continued to fret though. Somehow her worry dissipated any residual anger she felt towards Sully and she longed for his return so that she could apologize to him. She waited on the porch until quite late, moving inside only when the rain began to fall. The rain made her worry even more as she imagined Sully outside all alone. Quietly she crept up the stairs and opened his bedroom door determined to wait there for him. She lit the lamp beside his bed and sat down pulling one of his sketchbooks off the side table. Flipping through the pictures made her feel worse if it was possible and she hastily shoved the book away from her. Where was he? Why didn't he come home? She knew she had let him have it but they had argued before and he hadn't run off like this. Running her fingers over his pillow, her heart swelled with regret. Quickly she lowered her head into the pillow breathing in deeply as the smell of Sully surrounded her. The smell was comforting in a strange way and she allowed herself to stretch out on the bed leaving her head facedown against the pillow. She didn't realize how tired she was or just how much the day had drained from her. Her eyelids grew heavy and she turned on her back hoping the light would help her to stay awake but before long she had drifted off to sleep in Sully's bed.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-one**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 15, 1847 **

Sully looked down on the porch discerning a solitary figure lying down on the swing. His limbs felt stiff from sitting in the tree for so long. When Michaela had taken up sentry duty on the front porch he hadn't imagined she would wait so long for him. John had found him earlier and Sully had walked back to the house with him only to explain that he needed to be alone for awhile. John had asked him if he wanted to talk about anything but Sully had declined. Instead he climbed the oak tree in the front yard. High up into the branches he pulled himself, making sure he was well hidden in the green canopy. He was not ready to face Michaela and truthfully he was unsure of what he would find. Would she still be angry? John had said she was worried about him but Sully knew that didn't mean she was over being angry with him. He also knew that it was very possible she now regretted their argument and wanted to make things right between them. Yet in order to do that Sully would have to be honest about how she had hurt him and he simply wasn't ready to face that right now. His hiding place wasn't the smartest choice for shortly after he had climbed the tree Michaela had appeared on the porch remaining fixed in place like a statue. Even dinner hadn't lured her inside. Sully was beginning to think her bladder must be made of iron because she hadn't moved to visit the privy either.

The rain had come at the exact moment that Sully was almost ready to give in and face Michaela. The first drop hit him in the eye and he reached up to wipe it away. He looked down at Michaela from his perch in the tree noticing that the wind blew the rain onto the porch. He silently thanked God for this reprieve as Michaela finally gave up and headed inside. Using every ounce of patience he had, he waited for another ten minutes to make sure she wouldn't return. When she didn't, he quickly made his way down the tree, being careful of his footing on the now slick branches. By the time, he dropped to the ground the rain was really starting to come down and he ran across the yard toward the porch. He froze halfway there as the thought occurred to him that Michaela could be just inside the door or more likely just outside his bedroom door. He thought about heading for the barn but by now his clothes were sticking to him and making him uncomfortable. Sully rationally knew that his behavior was silly. He should walk in the house, go to his room and if he met Michaela on the way tell her he didn't care to talk. Yet if she insisted, if she pushed, if she cried, he knew he would be unable to resist. Nothing would be solved easily though. Inside there was still so much hurt and confusion. This wasn't the kind of argument that ended with a simple sorry and a hug. That's when the idea hit him.

Skirting around the outside of the house, he approached the side and looked up at his bedroom window. Someone had lit a light in his bedroom but Sully thought nothing of it as it was just the sort of thing Ida would do. He was completely soaked now and the light looked more inviting than ever. With the image of dry clothes and a warm bed firmly in his mind, he tested the trellis that ran up the side of the house to see if it would hold him. Gingerly he crept up the side, moving first his hands and then his feet. The trellis ran past his window and he never considered how hard it would be to swing himself from the trellis to the sill. When he was even with the window, he leaned over and tried to raise the window but it was hard to get a grip from the outside. Again, he leaned over and finally managed to raise it about a half an inch. This was enough for him to slide his fingers in and push it the rest of the way up. With the window open, he now needed to climb through it.

Michaela rolled over in her sleep, slowly becoming conscious of a noise. There was a strange scratching sound at the window but she dismissed it as a tree branch. Raising her arms above her she stretched out her body reveling in the warmth of the bed. Her eyes remained shut as she absentmindedly reached over to dim the lamp on the bedside table. Another sound startled her and she sat up quickly in the bed. The rain seemed to be louder suddenly as if someone had opened a window. Her eyes scanned the room and realized there was in fact a window open. Why hadn't she noticed it before? Lazily she hauled herself out of the bed and crossed the room to close the window. Without warning, Sully swung one of his feet through the window causing Michaela to scream. The scream startled Sully who almost lost his footing but managed to hold on.

"Michaela," he called. "It's just me."

"Sully?" Michaela asked sticking her head outside the window. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to climb in the window."

"I can see that," she replied sharply.

"Then help me inside."

"Oh, right," Michaela said feeling foolish for not realizing sooner that he needed help. Within moments Sully had entered the window and stood dripping on the rug. "You're wet," Michaela remarked.

"Aren't you the sharp one tonight," Sully replied agitated that his perfect plan had been ruined. "Why are ya in my room?"

"Why were you climbing through the window?"

"I asked ya first."

Michaela let out a little huff. "I was waiting for you," she returned stressing the word was. "But if you're going to be like that." She turned her back to him and started to move towards the door when she realized he still hadn't answered her question.

Quickly she turned back to face him. "Why were you climbing in the window?"

"To avoid ya," he exclaimed as the anger from earlier returned full force. One look at her face told him his words had found their mark. Tears were already pooling in her eyes and he watched as one fell down her cheek. Quickly she brushed it away but there were others to take its place.

Michaela cringed at his words and opened her mouth to speak but the words felt stuck in her throat. She shrank back wishing to flee the room but finding that her feet would not cooperate. Her heart was beating rapidly inside her chest as fear flooded through her veins. Had she finally done it? Had she pushed him too far? His face did not soften as more tears began to fall and she knew that there was nothing else to say at this moment. Hugging her arms to her body she turned towards the door again feeling very alone.

Michaela's tears washed away Sully's anger, while the way her eyes fell to the floor as she wrapped her arms around herself dissipated his resolve. "Wait," he said and she stopped in place. "I wasn't trying to avoid ya – I was trying to avoid talkin' to ya."

The knot in her stomach loosened slightly and this time when she opened her mouth to speak the words did not stick like before. "Why don't you want to talk to me?"

"I do wanna talk to ya but not right now" Sully looked at her imploringly hoping she would relent with her questions.

Michaela opened her mouth to speak but when she saw Sully shiver she realized other things were more important right now. "Sully you're soaked," she said. The dresser stood beside her so she quickly opened the middle drawer and pulled out his pajamas.

"You know where my pajamas are?" he asked.

"I've been helping Ida with the laundry."

"Ya have?"

Michaela nodded her head as she walked to the bed and laid out his pajamas for him. "There are some towels in the hall closet. I'll get you one to dry your hair." Things felt normal but odd all at the same time.

"Thanks," Sully said. "I'll get changed." Michaela opened the door, stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind her to give Sully some privacy. A moment later she returned carrying the towel. She knocked softly on the door.

"Come in," Sully replied. Opening the door she found Sully sitting on the bed with only his pajama pants on.

Michaela let out a little giggle. "You don't like to wear your pajama top, do you?"

"Nah," Sully said enjoying her lightheartedness.

"Here, let me dry your hair," Michaela offered. Sully leaned his head over and Michaela began to rub the towel vigorously over his hair.

"That's enough," came Sully's muffled voice from under the towel.

"Sorry, I got carried away." His hair was sticking up at all sorts of funny angles and she raised her hand to smooth it down. Their eyes met and they both smiled.

* * *

Paul rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with one hand while the other hand worked on the kink in his neck. Sleeping in a chair was more uncomfortable then he remembered or maybe he was getting old. Leaning over the bed, he checked on Claudia who still seemed to be resting comfortably. Looking across the bed, he noticed that Marjorie had fallen asleep in the chair there. Asleep she looked so much like Claudia. Her hand was tucked up under the side of her face and her legs curled up in the chair. It reminded Paul that Marjorie was still extremely young, too young for him to be thinking of her like he was. He stood feeling the need to stretch his legs and walked to the doorway. The rain was coming down hard now echoing through the house as it hit the tin roof.

A muffled scream drifted down the hall and Paul immediately looked around straining his ears. Had he heard a girl scream or was his imagination running away with him? Quietly he walked down to Michaela's door and gave a soft tap. There was no answer. Placing his hand to the knob, he started to open the door but thought better of it. It was probably the wind in the trees. The day after all had been rather tedious and long. He knew he wasn't exactly thinking straight. He moved back down the hall towards Claudia's room and stepped in leaving the door open. As he returned to the chair, he tried to find a more comfortable position to sleep in. He thought about climbing in bed beside his daughter but he was afraid of hitting her arm so he stayed where he was.

Somewhere in the house he heard a door open and then close. He sat upright again straining his ears. Another door opened and closed and then he swore he heard footsteps. Maybe he had heard a scream earlier. He walked to the door and looked down the hall in the opposite direction this time and noticed Sully's bedroom light was on. Quickly he made his way down the hall stopping outside his door. The sound of laughter reached his ears and it sounded feminine. Without knocking, he turned the knob to find Michaela standing over a shirtless Sully.

Paul looked at Sully first, a stunned expression on his face. "I heard someone scream," he managed to get out before covering his mouth with his hand.

"It was me," said Michaela.

Paul looked up at her now and noticed that her cheeks had gone bright red. What had he walked in on? "Why did you scream?" he said removing his hand from his face.

"It's not what it looks like," Michaela answered before even hearing the question as she expected the worst. When she realized what Paul had asked she cringed knowing her statement only made them look guiltier. "I mean… I screamed because Sully startled me."

"Why are you two up in the middle of the night?" Paul looked back at Sully as he asked this remembering how Sully had sworn Michaela was like a sister to him.

"I was waiting up for Sully," Michaela explained.

"And I was tryin' to get in the house without Michaela seein' me." Paul gave them a confused look.

"Sully came in through the window," Michaela pointed over her shoulder to an open window.

"Michaela was waiting in my room for me. She screamed when I climbed through the window."

Paul was still baffled. "I don't," he hesitated unsure of what to say. "Your shirt?" he asked looking at Sully.

"His clothes were all wet so he changed while I went to get him a towel." She pointed to the pile of damp clothing on the rug and held up the towel with her other hand. "He doesn't like to sleep with his shirt on," Michaela added and then immediately regretted it. She looked down at Sully as panic set in. The look on his face was one of amusement rather than panic. He met her eyes and pressed his lips together suppressing a laugh. Michaela shrugged her shoulders as the irony of the situation hit her. A light giggle emerged from her and before she knew it Sully and she were roaring with laughter.

Paul couldn't help but smile as he observed the two of them. Sully lay back on the bed holding his stomach and Michaela soon dropped down beside him. "Anyone want to let me in on the joke?" Paul asked as their laughter died down.

"I'm sure you think," Michaela began, "that something was going on in here."

"It does look fairly bad," Sully added.

"Well it is the middle of the night, you are both in Sully's bedroom with the door closed, Sully's shirtless.." Paul's voice drifted off.

"If we were up to something we would have locked the door," Michaela reasoned.

"And we would have been a lot quieter," Sully added.

Paul looked back and forth between them feeling like a rubber ball. There logic did make sense. "True," he replied slowly drawing out the word. There wasn't much else he could say. He either had to believe them or not believe them and either way it wouldn't matter much at this point in time. "Right…umm… maybe we should all go to bed," he finally suggested trying to bring the situation to an end.

"Sure," Michaela said looking over at Sully. "We'll talk tomorrow…if you feel up to it."

"I will," Sully assured her.

"Okay so good night," she said reluctantly standing up to leave his room.

"Night," Sully returned as he winked at her not caring if Paul saw him or not.

"Good night," Paul said as Michaela passed in front of him and exited the room.

"Good night," Michaela returned.

"Night," Sully added. Paul followed Michaela out the door and started back to Claudia's room. A wadded up ball of paper caught his attention and he stooped to pick it up. Straightening it out he tried to make out the first word. The hall light was dim but the word looked like Michaela. Paul turned and spoke just as she was entering her door. "Michaela."

"Hmm?" she said turning around abruptly.

"Is this yours?" he asked holding up the piece of paper.

"I don't think so."

"It has your name on it."

"Oh." Michaela walked back down the hall and took the paper from him. Immediately she knew what it was. "Your daughter," she hesitated remembering all that Claudia had been through that day.

"What?"

Michaela exhaled loudly feeling her anger crest. "Your daughter balled this up and threw it at me. It's a note from Sully that I never saw. That caused a fight and the scene you just witnessed. Something needs to be done about her behavior." Michaela's words were soft because she feared Paul's reaction.

"I know," he admitted. "I think today has been eye opening for me."

Michaela nodded her head. "Not only for you," she said feeling even worse about the things she had said to Sully earlier that day. "Well, good night," she repeated again,

"Yes, good night," Paul returned as he watched Michaela walk to her door and enter. He still didn't understand everything that had happened. Letting out a yawn, he decided it was too late to try and sort it out now. Resignedly he returned to Claudia's room and climbed back into the chair.

Michaela stood inside the door clutching the note to her chest. The urge to return to Sully's room was great but she knew he needed a little more time. She looked down at her name scrawled across the top of the page and sighed. "Sully I'm so sorry," she whispered.

**

* * *

****Boston – September 1864**

"You wanted to see me."

"Yes have a seat," Elizabeth said nervously. Michaela could hear the quiver in her mother's voice only making her more anxious. Extending her hand, Elizabeth indicated the chair to the left of her desk. Michaela sat on the edge of the chair unable to allow herself to relax. Her hands anxiously twisted the fabric of her skirt as if she was a little girl waiting to hear her punishment for some mischievous deed. Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked Michaela in the eyes wondering if she was making the right decision. Before she could change her mind, she quickly began to speak. "David came to see your father and me a few days ago."

"Oh," Michaela said feeling the familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What did he want?" she asked though she already knew the answer.

"He came to ask for our permission to seek your hand in marriage."

Michaela swallowed hard. The palms of her hands had gone all sweaty and she wiped them off on her skirt. "What did you tell him?"

"Your father told him that the choice was yours. That you could make up your own mind and that we would be happy with whatever you decided."

Michaela looked up at her mother and began to laugh. "That's what he said."

"That's what he said," Elizabeth repeated. Michaela laughed again at the irony of that statement. After feeling hemmed in for so long it was hard for her to believe that she had ever made up her own mind. Elizabeth reached over and picked up a small bundle of letters. She fingered the string that bound them together wondering again if she was doing the right thing. No she wasn't doing the right thing – the right thing would have been to never keep these letters from Michaela. What she was trying to do was make things right. "I have done something I am not proud of," Elizabeth admitted.

Michaela looked up at her mother again and saw the look of fear on her face. "What?" Michaela asked as she moved even closer to the edge of her seat.

"Four years ago when you returned from Colorado, I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I knew your going out there was a mistake. I knew you had not gotten over Sully so soon but your father wouldn't listen to me. He believed what you told him. I don't blame him. I'm not sure he has ever understood the complexities of the heart."

Michaela let out a ragged breath. "I don't really need a trip down memory lane mother," she said standing abruptly.

"Please stay," Elizabeth asked her voice gentle. "There is more I need to tell you." Michaela sat back down reluctantly as even now she felt the old wounds ripping open. "In December of that year a letter came for you. The return address was Colorado and I knew who it was from. I didn't know what was in the letter. I never opened it but I knew whatever it was would only serve to upset you and the rest of the family as well." Elizabeth looked over at Michaela expecting her angry reaction but Michaela remained quiet as she took in what her mother was saying. "I really believed I was doing the right thing. I really believed I was protecting you." Elizabeth's voice was pleading with Michaela to try to understand her motives.

"What did you do with the letter?" Michaela asked her voice void of all emotion.

"I was going to destroy it. I remember walking into the morning room to throw it in the fire but I couldn't. For awhile I kept it locked in my desk and occasionally I would take it out and decide again to burn it but I never did."

Michaela looked at the neat bundle her mother's right hand was fingering. "You still have it?" she asked her eyes growing wider.

Elizabeth nodded her head. "And others – he has written you every year at Christmas."

Michaela felt her hands begin to tremble at the thought that Sully had been writing her. "I've kept them all," Elizabeth whispered. "I don't know why I've kept them but yesterday when I saw you…when I realized how unhappy you still are…when David came…." Elizabeth's voice drifted off as her face contorted into a grimace. "These are yours," she whispered picking up the small stack by the string and holding them out to Michaela.

Michaela reached out a trembling hand to take them and then laid them in her lap. Looking down, she nervously untied the string wondering what she would find within. Her heart sped up as her eyes fell on the familiar handwriting. With her finger she traced her name written by his hand and felt the first tear fall. Quickly she gathered the letters in her arms and ran from the room.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 15, 1847**

"Here we go," Ida said carrying a tray laden with food into Claudia's room. Claudia was propped up against the pillows, her red hair shocking next to the white sheets. Paul breathed in deeply smelling the coffee.

"Ida you are a dear," he said.

Ida smiled at him. "I figured y'all could use some breakfast. How is everyone this mornin'?" She looked specifically at Claudia as she asked.

"I think Marjorie and I are stiff from sleeping in the chairs but Claudia seems to be feeling a little better," Paul answered smiling over at his daughter.

"I don't feel better," Claudia returned as she stuck out her bottom lip.

"Now that's not true," Marjorie reminded her. "You said earlier that it didn't hurt to move your fingers like it did last night." Claudia turned away from her because she knew she was right.

"Claudia, remember the little talk we had this morning," Paul said his voice stern. Claudia looked at him and nodded. She had never seen her father quite like this. Rarely had he raised his voice to her but this morning when she had unhappily thrown a pillow at Marjorie who was trying to help her, Paul had. Then he asked Marjorie to leave the room while he informed Claudia that there were going to be a lot of changes. The first one being that she would not be going back to boarding school this year. That had made Claudia happy at first but that happiness was dispelled when Paul informed her that they would be hiring another nanny. Paul had decided last night as he was trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep that Claudia was out of control. He knew that he had always allowed Claudia to walk all over him but that couldn't happen anymore. Paul only hoped that it wasn't too late.

Ida set the tray down on the dresser and she began to pass out plates and pour coffee. Marjorie helped her and before long Claudia was eating rather awkwardly with her left hand while Marjorie and Paul sat down to their breakfast as well. Ida carried a cup of coffee over to Paul.

"Thanks," he said taking the cup from her while balancing the plate on his lap.

"I almost forgot. John rode into town early this morning and telegraph operator said somethin' done come for ya." Out of her pocket Ida pulled a telegram folded in half and handed it to Paul.

"Tell John thank you for me. I didn't expect an answer so fast."

"Sure will," Ida replied as she turned to leave the room.

Paul opened the telegram and began to read while Marjorie looked on wondering who the telegram was from. Paul folded it back and tucked it under the edge of his plate. "Looks like your mother is coming," he said before taking a bite of his biscuit.

"She is?" Marjorie asked. "Why?"

"I am going to take Claudia back to Boston as soon as the doctor thinks she is able to travel."

Marjorie's eyes grew big. She hadn't expected that Paul would leave before the end of the summer. "I'll go with you," she offered.

"I don't think that is a good idea."

"But you're going to need someone to help with Claudia on the way home. I could come and do that. Besides I'm ready to get back to Boston anyway," she finished trying to sound nonchalant.

"Marjorie, I don't think that is a good idea," Paul repeated, looking over at Claudia who was following the conversation closely.

Marjorie met Paul's eyes and saw his resolve there. Hastily she picked up her plate and started towards the door. "If you'll excuse me," she mumbled before exiting the room.

Claudia looked at her father. "Why can't Marjorie go to Boston with us?"

Paul sighed knowing that a bond really had been formed between his daughter and Marjorie this summer. "She is needed here," he explained.

"To help Anna?" Claudia asked.

"Yes, darling to help Anna."

"But Michaela can do that," Claudia reasoned.

"I think Michaela would like some help."

"Then they should hire some servants," Claudia said very matter of fact.

Paul shook his head at Claudia's statement. "This isn't Boston sweetheart."

"You can say that again," she replied turning back to her food. Paul laughed but then looked towards the door knowing that Marjorie was upset. It couldn't be helped he told himself. Things would be better once they were back in Boston. Marjorie would soon get over him and everything would be fine or so he hoped.

* * *

When Sully awoke he knew it was late. The sun was already overhead in the sky. Lazily he stretched his arms above his head and then rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Despite the cooling rain from the night before, the air was already stifling. Today would be a good day for a swim he thought. It was then that he remembered that he still needed to talk to Michaela. He wondered if she was up yet and he decided to go check. Barefoot and shirtless, he padded down the hall to her room, knocking on the door. He opened it when he received no response but her bed was already neatly made.

The sound of her laughter drifted up to him from the outside porch. The balcony doors at the end of the hall were open and he went outside and leaned over the edge. "Michaela," he called.

He heard movement on the porch and then her head appeared over the edge looking up. "Good morning," she greeted him with a bright smile. "Are you coming down?"

"Sure," Sully replied and stepped over the balcony railing.

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed as she watched him shimmy down one of the columns and land feet away from her on the porch.

Anna laughed. "We do have stairs you know," she said shaking her head at his antics.

Sully smiled at her. "Good morning Anna," he said as he leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Tryin' to keep things excitin' for ya."

"Oh is that why you decided to climb the trellis to your bedroom last night?" she asked.

Sully raised his eyebrows at Michaela.

"What?" she said smiling at him grateful that he seemed to be in a much better frame of mind this morning. "Are you planning on getting dressed?" she asked.

"Too hot," Sully replied cheekily. "I might just go jump right in the river like this."

"Now that is an excellent idea," Anna said. "Why don't you two go swimming?"

Michaela looked down at Anna and smiled. "Maybe later when you're resting."

"Michaela go. You don't have to baby-sit me. I promise not to go climbing any trees."

Michaela let out a little giggle as Anna gave her an amused look. "Okay," she said looking up at Sully. "But did you want to talk first?" she asked tentatively.

"We can talk and swim," Sully reasoned as he started into the house with Michaela on his heels.

The water felt nice as they lowered their bodies into the river. Sully dived in quickly wetting his whole body while Michaela took small steps further and further in.

"Just go under," Sully called over to her.

Michaela laughed. "No and don't you dare dunk me." Sully watched as she waded closer and closer. He could see the water soaking into her bathing costume making it cling to her. His mouth parted slightly as he became lost in watching her slow deliberate movements. "Do you want to talk?" Michaela's voice stirred him out of his daydream.

Sully swallowed and nodded his head. "Ummm…" he said giving himself a chance to remember what he wanted to talk about. Having her this close was proving distracting. Maybe swimming and talking hadn't been such a good idea. Closing his eyes, he tried to clear his mind.

Michaela watched him as he closed his eyes and wondered what he was thinking. When he didn't say anything else for a moment she jumped in. "Sully I need to apologize for yesterday," she began. "I was unreasonable."

Sully let out a little laugh. "That is one way to put it."

"I didn't mean the things I said."

Sully opened his eyes and looked at her. "So ya believe me about the note?"

Michaela turned red and dropped her eyes. "Yes. Paul found it last night in the hall and returned it to me," she said sheepishly.

"I told ya I left a note," Sully couldn't resist saying.

"I should have believed you."

"Why didn't ya? Sometimes I think ya don't trust me and I'm not sure what I've done to lose your trust."

Michaela knew he was right – he had never done anything to lose her trust. She sighed loudly and turned her head to the side. "I don't know," she admitted.

"Why'd ya get so upset about me takin' Marjorie up to see William?" he pressed on.

Michaela still kept her head turned to the side. "I don't know," she repeated.

Sully was feeling a little frustrated with her evasive answers. "Is that all you're gonna say?"

Michaela looked at him now and he could see the tears forming in her eyes. "I feel out of the loop," she admitted.

"What loop?"

"You and Marjorie and Paul going off all time together."

"I'm not going off with Marjorie. I'm going with Paul to paint. Marjorie invited Claudia and herself along," Sully said setting the record straight. But as the words left his mouth, it dawned on him what Michaela was trying to say. "Ya could have come."

"No," Michaela replied. "Someone needed to stay here and help Ida." Her voice quivered as she admitted her own selfishness. "I know that is why I'm here and I don't mind really. I love Anna – I want to help but…"

"But ya feel left out," Sully offered.

Michaela shook her head. "Then Marjorie kept leaving Claudia with me without even asking."

"And then she fell out of the tree," Sully continued.

"I know it wasn't my fault Sully. But I was really upset."

"Sure ya were," Sully replied his voice full of compassion. "Michaela I know that was terrible for ya but…" Sully hesitated unsure of how to continue.

"As soon as I said it, I regretted it," she said hastily. "The thing about coming upon someone being unconscious." Sully bit his bottom lip as he considered this. "It must have been so horrible for you Sully."

Sully nodded his head. "It never seems to go away," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry. I was so inconsiderate of all you've been through."

"It's okay," Sully assured her raising his hand to wipe at his eyes. Taking a deep breath he looked up at her. "Michaela I want ya to know why I ran away yesterday."

"Okay," she said softly.

"Sometimes I don't know where I belong. I don't really fit in with your family. I don't really fit in at school either. When I'm with Paul, I feel like he understands somethin' about me but not all of it. Here," Sully stopped and looked around at the river bank. "Here I feel different. I feel like I can be myself with Anna, Ida and John. But even so I don't feel like I fit in completely. Anna's not my grandmother." Sully stopped and took a shaky breath.

"Sully of course you fit in here." Michaela moved towards him.

"Let me finish," he whispered and Michaela stood still closing her mouth. "When I am alone with ya that is when I feel like I fit somewhere." Michaela smiled at his words but knew he was not finished yet. "When you talk to me like ya did yesterday, when ya don't trust me….. I feel like the one thing I can count on…. like it's a lie."

Michaela's heart felt as if it was breaking as she listened to Sully's words. Quickly she closed the distance between them as she wrapped her arms around his back. "Sully," she whispered against his ear. "I am so sorry. I do trust you. I've just been selfish. It's like I just start feeling sorry for myself and I can't stop."

"Michaela you are my safe place," Sully whispered as he wrapped his arms around her as well. "No matter how much I feel like I don't fit in elsewhere I just think about ya."

Michaela's body quivered as his words stirred her deep inside. Never before had she realized exactly how much Sully needed her. "I want to be your safe place," she whispered back clutching him even closer. Sully felt a load lift from his heart as he heard Michaela's words. She understood. She really understood. Closing his eyes he rested his head on her shoulder as they continued to embrace each other.

Sully smiled to himself as he remembered that yesterday Michaela had called him her beau. Pulling back a little so that he could see her he said, "So who is this beau you were talkin' about yesterday?" Michaela gave him an odd look. "Ya said that an eight year old knew more about your own beau than ya did." Michaela's face lit up and then blushed as she recalled her words. "So who's this beau?" Sully asked again.

Michaela turned away from him in the water wriggling free of his embrace. She gave him a sultry smile then dove under the water swimming away from him. When she finally broke the water's surface she looked back at Sully. "No one you know," she teased.

"Oh," Sully replied. Now he dove under the water and swam towards her. His hands grabbed her legs and Michaela giggled as he emerged right in front of her. "Would this beau care if he knew ya were swimmin' with me?" he asked.

"He might," Michaela returned saucily and again disappeared under the water's surface. Swimming hard away from Sully she smiled to herself at his playfulness, happy that things were okay between them. Finally she could hold her breath no longer and was forced to come up for air. Sully had now disappeared and she looked around the water trying to discern any disturbances. He took her by surprise when he came up behind her placing his hands on her waist and leaning in close to her ear.

"Would he mind if I did this?" Sully asked as he placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Oh Master Sully," she said turning to face him. "I wouldn't do that if I was you. He can be very jealous."

"Really?" Sully asked smiling at her.

"Umm-hmm," she replied bringing her hand up to brush a lock of hair back from his face. Slowly she slid her hand down and rested it against his neck.

"Good thing he's not here right now," he said unable to conceal a smile.

"And why is that?" Michaela asked as she placed her other hand on his back.

Sully leaned in towards her smiling. Michaela closed her eyes anticipating the feel of his lips on hers. When she finally felt his warm breath hit her cheek she relaxed completely and leaned into the kiss. Reveling in how soft his lips felt against hers, she leaned in and kissed him again just as he started to pull away. This time more reluctantly they broke apart. Sully brought his hand up and softly stroked her lips with his middle finger. "Don't tell him about that," he whispered giving her a wink.

"It will be our secret," she said pulling out of his embrace and propelling herself backwards in the water. Sully laughed as he propelled himself in the opposite direction to enjoy the rest of the day in each other's company.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland - August 21, 1847**

Leaning on John with one arm and a cane with the other arm, Anna made her way down the yard towards the dock. Michaela clapped her hands and cheered her grandmother on. "Tell us if you get too tired," she said repeatedly. Michaela had so longed to see Anna walking before it was time for her to return to Boston and now it seemed as if she might get her wish.

Sully walked beside her on the opposite side of John in case she faltered. "You're doin' great Anna," he encouraged her.

"She sure is," John agreed.

Michaela looked up at the dock and saw Paul and Ida getting Claudia settled on the boat. Marjorie was no where in sight. Slowly the group made their way to the pier with loud shouts of joy as Anna sat down on a chair John had carried out there for her earlier.

"You made it," Paul said smiling at the older woman.

"I did," Anna agreed looking rather pleased with herself. "I'm stubborn and it's hard to keep a stubborn woman down."

"I am sure," Paul said taking her hand. "Thank you so much for opening your home to us. It has been a nice break from Boston."

"You are most welcome and please feel free to come back anytime."

"Thank you," Paul said again. "And Claudia wanted me to say thank you from her as well."

Anna looked up at the boat and saw Claudia waving. She waved back. "Tell Claudia she is welcome as well."

Paul leaned in and kissed Anna on the cheek before turning to Sully and Michaela.

"I'll be seeing you soon," he said to Sully. Sully nodded and took his outstretched hand. Paul looked at Michaela next. "Tell your sister I said good-bye."

"Sorry she didn't come down here," Michaela began but Paul stopped her.

"It's probably for the best," he whispered. "But please tell her."

"I will," Michaela returned as she hugged Paul around the neck.

"Miss Ida I sure am going to miss your cooking," he said as Ida joined their group. "If you ever want to come to Boston, I'd love to have you as my personal chef."

Ida laughed. "You are too sweet," she said hugging him. "You take good care of that daughter of yours," she added looking at him knowingly.

"I will- don't worry there are going to be many changes."

Ida laughed and patted him on the back. Paul and John boarded the boat while the others looked on. "Good-bye," Paul called as they started out into the river.

"Good –bye," all of those on the dock said in unison. Michaela and Sully walked to the end of the dock waving until Paul was out of site then returned to where Anna was seated.

"Elizabeth will be here in a few hours," Anna remarked.

"Don't remind me," Michaela groaned as Ida gave her a look. Anna giggled and shook her head.

"I still don't understand why she felt the need to come. Y'all goin' home on the thirtieth," Ida said.

"That's nine days away. Do you know what can happen in nine days?" Michaela asked trying not to laugh. She heard Sully snicker beside her.

"Now Michaela I wouldn't say that," Anna chided. "Rome wasn't built in one day but it sure burned down in one."

"That's cause Elizabeth wasn't there to chaperone," Sully replied as they all erupted in fits of laughter.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Warning: This chapters contains a non-graphic sexual situation.**

**Chapter Forty-two**

**Baltimore, Maryland – August 21, 1847 **

"I still don't see why you didn't stay in Boston," Elizabeth said looking rather annoyed at Josef as they sat in the open carriage waiting for John's arrival. "Or for that matter, why I didn't stay in Boston."

"It's summer, Elizabeth. Don't you ever want to get away from the city, enjoy the countryside, the fresh air, the sun, the water." Elizabeth eyed him warily. "At one time you enjoyed it."

Elizabeth blushed as Josef smiled over at her. "That was a long time ago."

"Remember the night we slipped down to the river and went swimming," Josef said the smile on his face growing bigger. Elizabeth's blush deepened but she shook her head and averted her eyes. "Remember we had come down for my grandfather's funeral. It was mid August and the heat was sweltering." Elizabeth looked out at the harbor as she bit her bottom lip. Now Josef leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "That was the night we conceived Rebecca."

"We can't be sure that was the night," Elizabeth replied hastily throwing her hand out to the side.

"We can't?" Josef teased.

"What made you think of that?" she asked trying to shift the focus of the conversation.

"When I was there in July, Sully and Michaela went swimming in the river the night after the regatta. It brought back some memories." Josef smiled.

Elizabeth turned towards him her brow furrowed. "They went swimming in the river at night?"

"Yes," Josef answered wondering what the issue was.

"Alone?"

"No, I joined them."

"You were there the whole time?"

"No, they went down before me while I helped get Anna ready for bed," he explained knowing where Elizabeth was heading with her questions.

"Josef I can't believe you!" Elizabeth exclaimed causing several bystanders to turn and look at the couple.

"You promised not to bring this up anymore," Josef reminded her in a calm voice as he smiled at those who had turned to see what the commotion was.

"And you were supposed to be watching them!"

"They were by themselves for ten, fifteen minutes at tops," Josef reasoned. "What could possibly happen in that amount of time?"

Elizabeth pursued her lips as she considered him. "Children have been conceived in shorter amounts of time," she returned bitingly.

Josef laughed. "I can't believe you just said that. I can't believe Elizabeth Quinn made a joke about intercourse."

"Josef!" Elizabeth exclaimed shocked that he had said that word in public. "Watch your language," she chided him.

"That was good," Josef continued on. "Now if you had really wanted to make it a zinger you should have said our children were conceived in shorter amounts of time. I mean sure my pride would have been hurt but it would have been good."

Elizabeth exhaled loudly and rolled her eyes. "If this is your way of trying to make me forget that you are the world's worst chaperone you aren't succeeding."

"Can't blame a man for trying," Josef replied smiling at her. He waved to someone over her shoulder. "Looks like they're here," he said to Elizabeth. Elizabeth turned as Josef relaxed against the seat glad that Paul and John's arrival had been so timely.

Paul carried Claudia in his arms while John transported their luggage to where Josef and Elizabeth sat in the waiting carriage. As they came closer, the Quinns stepped down so that Paul could settle Claudia on the seat.

"Oh what you have been through," Elizabeth said to Claudia once she was settled. "I'm so sorry your summer ended up like this." Elizabeth looked up at Paul as she spoke conveying the same words to him.

"Thanks Elizabeth," Paul began. "But it really had been a good summer even if we did have a little mishap."

"Please know I will be speaking to Michaela as soon as we arrive…" Elizabeth began.

Paul cut her off. "Elizabeth this wasn't Michaela's fault. If anything Michaela probably saved her life by acting as quickly as she did to stop the bleeding."

Josef beamed as Paul said this, proud that his little girl was already following in his footsteps. "She's going to be a good doctor," Josef couldn't help but add.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and returned to Claudia. "Did you like Cambridge?"

Claudia looked over at Paul before answering. "Yes, it was very nice," she answered demurely as her father watched on approvingly.

"Were the children any trouble?" Elizabeth asked turning to Paul.

Paul cringed at the question knowing that was Elizabeth's roundabout way of asking after Michaela and Sully. "It was a very enjoyable summer for all of us," he began. Sully and I painted and sketched. Marjorie watched Claudia," he paused here letting out a ragged breath as her name passed his lips. It felt unnatural to be talking about the woman he kissed to her parents. He hoped nothing showed on his face. "Michaela has been invaluable to Ida and Anna," he finished looking up at Elizabeth.

"Were there any late night swims?" she asked casting a disapproving eye over at Josef.

Paul gave her a confused look. "Not that I am aware of." He couldn't help but think of the night he found Michaela and Sully alone in his room. Paul had decided soon after the incident that he would never speak of it to Elizabeth. In his opinion, it had been innocent and he knew saying something would only stir up unnecessary trouble for Michaela and Sully.

"Then let me be the first to congratulate you on surpassing Josef's chaperone skills," she said teasingly though Paul could tell there was a note of seriousness in her voice.

Paul laughed. He was sure that if Elizabeth knew what had happened between him and Marjorie she wouldn't be saying this. An uncomfortable silence filled the air as Josef exchanged a heated look with Elizabeth. "It was nice to see you," Paul said taking Josef by the hand and shaking it a little too enthusiastically. "We'll catch up when you return to Boston."

"Looking forward to it," Josef replied turning his attention to Paul. "And you young lady, stay away from trees." Josef smiled over at Claudia who feigned a smile for her father's benefit.

"Elizabeth," Paul said taking her hand. "It was nice to see you again."

"Don't be such a stranger this year Paul. We would love to have you both join us for dinner," she offered.

Paul felt his skin grow warm at the thought of sitting beside Josef and across from Marjorie. "Things will be busy after school starts but possibly," he replied turning quickly to John. "John, it has been so nice getting to know you. Ida and you are the kind of people you meet once but never forget."

John looked at his feet as Paul spoke to him feeling embarrassed by his words. "Paul ya take care of yourself," he said raising his eyes to meet Paul's. "And ya do right by that girl, ya hear me?"

Paul nodded but wondered if John was referring to Claudia or Marjorie. He didn't think John knew but the way he looked at him, the way he clasped him on the shoulder – it made him feel as if John could read everything that was going on in his mind. "I will," he said but his voice sounded far away. Quickly he stepped up into the carriage. "Farewell," he said gaily waving as the carriage started off.

The trio waved back until the carriage was out of sight. John and Josef picked up the bags as the group started back to the boat.

"How's Anna doing?" Josef asked John on the walk.

John smiled. He had promised Anna he wouldn't tell Josef about her walking. She wanted to show him herself. "Just ya wait sir," he said smiling. "Yes, just ya wait."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland- August 22, 1847**

Josef and Elizabeth had arrived the day before to an empty dock. Marjorie was sulking in her room while Michaela and Sully were on the widow's walk. Fearing the worst, Elizabeth had assured Josef that their arrival was not a moment too soon. When she finally located the two of them, she chided everyone at not being at the dock to welcome them.

Anna surprised everyone at dinner by walking from the porch to the dining room table with only the use of the cane. Josef felt as if his mother had made remarkable progress and knew it had been the right decision to leave the children here for the summer. Elizabeth begrudgingly had agreed.

The first night had passed quickly and the second morning dawned with a hot August sun that made everything miserable. John and Sully had gone out to check the crab traps and the rest of the house was on the porch trying to keep cool.

"I swear you have done nothing but mope since we arrived," Elizabeth stated looking across to Marjorie who sat beside Michaela on the porch swing. "Don't tell me this is all over some boy?"

"He's not some boy, mother." Marjorie sighed casting a nervous glance over at Michaela.

"It's true," Michaela added. "I've never met anyone quite as annoying."

"Michaela," several voices exclaimed at once as Anna snickered from her seat next to Josef.

"What do you know about these people?" Elizabeth asked turning towards Josef.

"The Burkes?" Elizabeth nodded. "Respectable family. He's from Boston originally," Josef said wondering what qualifications she was looking for in a match for Marjorie.

"Burke," Elizabeth repeated as she scanned her memory for some recollection of the name. "I do think I remember his parents," she said pointing her finger in the air. "Delightful people. I believe they lived in Back Bay right off the river." She smiled approvingly at Marjorie. "I think this may be a good match."

"Elizabeth they just met," Josef replied giving her a bemused expression. "Don't you think you're rushing things a little?"

"I would never rush things Josef."

"I'm not simply talking about following the etiquette of Boston society," he replied giving her a look. "She's only seventeen."

"I'll be eighteen next month," Marjorie reminded him taking offense at his statement. "I'm not a little girl!"

Josef smiled over at her. "No you're not. It looks like all my girls are growing up and leaving me. Good thing I still have Mike." Josef winked at Michaela as he said it but noticed how red her cheeks had suddenly turned. "Have I now offended another daughter?"

Michaela wrinkled her nose as she looked up at him. "I'm not so little anymore," she simply said turning to look off the side of the porch.

"That's true," Josef returned sensing that there was something else there. "Which reminds me – I have some news for you Michaela. I can't believe I forgot to tell you yesterday." Michaela turned quickly as a sudden fear gripped her heart. Her father's good news hadn't always been good news to her, especially where Sully was concerned. "Your mother and I have decided that you will begin private studies this year," he announced.

"Private studies?" Michaela asked raising her eyebrows.

"There aren't many schools that really provide the vigorous academics that will be necessary for you to enter college then medical school. I thought it would be best if you had a private tutor so to speak."

Michaela looked over at her mother who had a sour look upon her face. She knew this had been completely her father's doing. "I won't be going to school?"

"We have arranged so you will do half days at school and then the afternoon with the tutor," Josef replied. Michaela again looked over at her mother sensing this had been the compromise.

"Who is the tutor?" Michaela asked getting excited at the prospect of advanced studies.

"His name is Everett Frost. He is a fourth year at Harvard. One of my colleagues there recommended him to me. Is that arrangement agreeable?"

"Yes," Michaela replied smiling over at her father. A flicker of white caught her attention and she turned to look at the river. "John and Sully are back," she said. "I hope the traps were full of crabs. I want to have a crab feast tonight."

Everyone laughed. "Now don't get too excited – ya know crabs ain't been runnin' good this year," Ida warned Michaela.

"I'll go check," Michaela said dancing off the porch to head down to the boat.

"Should I go along to chaperone?" Josef asked Elizabeth, a slight grin on his lips.

"You are incorrigible," Elizabeth replied.

Michaela ran down the lawn towards the dock. "Any luck?" she asked anxiously catching Sully's eye.

"Yep," John replied. "Seems all them crabs were just waitin' for Elizabeth's arrival."

Sully and Michaela cracked up at this uncharacteristic statement from John. "She's already got Marjorie married off to William," Michaela said looking back up at the porch as the men began to unload the bushel baskets.

"What?" Sully asked.

"Not really, just her inspecting the family, asking and probing, trying to ensure that he's a good match." Michaela emphasized the last two words. "I wouldn't be surprised if she has a written checklist that she goes down when considering a possible suitor for us."

John climbed back on the boat to wash down the deck. Sully leaned in close to Michaela. "Do ya think I'd make the cut?" he teased.

"Hardlly," Michaela replied. "But that's one of the many reasons why I love you."

Sully smiled at her as he picked up the bushel basket teaming with blue crabs. "Better get these up to Ida," he said starting up the lawn with Michaela on his heels. He walked around the house to set them by the back door while Michaela rejoined the others on the porch.

As she neared they were discussing the latest addition to the family, Maureen's son, Charles who had been named after his father. "He is so adorable," Elizabeth gushed. "He is completely bald and his little face is so round. I know you're looking forward to seeing him Marjorie."

"Sure," Marjorie sighed as she lazily picked at the paint chipping off the arm of the swing.

"Don't get too excited," Michaela said returning to sit beside Marjorie.

"Leave your sister alone, Michaela," Elizabeth returned. "It's not like you ever get excited over a new baby. Sometimes I think you don't like children."

"I can't say Claudia made me a big fan of them."

"She seems sweet," Elizabeth cooed just as Sully stepped out onto the porch. He let out a little laugh as he caught Michaela's eye.

"Miss Elizabeth, I don't know about that. The girl had a temper on her and an attitude. Woo! I am tellin' ya she was a handful. I just hope her pa gets her straightened out," Ida said.

Michaela expected Marjorie to pipe up in Claudia's defense but she didn't. It was possible she wasn't paying any attention to the conversation as she sat staring at the rapidly expanding ring of paint she was chipping at.

"But Paul said she got along so well with Marjorie." Elizabeth looked over at Marjorie as she spoke.

"We did," Marjorie said allowing her mind to once again think about being a mother to that little girl. "She needs a mother," Marjorie stated, her voice subdued. Michaela cast a sideways glance at Marjorie.

"And a good whoopin'," Ida added to Michaela's delight.

Elizabeth cast a disapproving look in her direction. "Still Michaela you should have been watching her more closely. Than perhaps she wouldn't have had that terrible accident."

"It wasn't my fault mother. She ran away from me."

Elizabeth laughed. "Well if you can't keep up with one eight year old, I certainly hope things improve before you have your own children."

"Elizabeth leave her alone," Anna said her tone light but serious. "I am sure Michaela will make an excellent mother when the time comes." She smiled over at Michaela as she finished.

"As long as there aren't any trees around," Marjorie added before rising quickly and heading inside. Michaela glared at Marjorie's retreating back, vowing to have words with her sister later.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs – 1867**

"Ma I can't even get my hands around ya anymore. Ya sure are gettin' big," Brian exclaimed as he tried to hug Michaela's expanding waist.

"Thank you Brian," she said through gritted teeth while gently patting his head.

"Good going, Brian," exclaimed Matthew. "Ya ain't supposed to tell girls they're fat."

Sully heard the comment from the top of the stairs and quickly made his way down knowing he needed to diffuse the situation quickly. "Your ma's not fat," he said walking over towards Michaela. "She's full of baby."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Μichaela asked dryly before turning and heading into the kitchen.

Sully sighed and smiled over at the boys and Colleen. "Why don't you all head on to school," Sully recommended as he looked towards the kitchen. Reluctantly the three children picked up their school books and lunches and headed out the door with soft goodbyes to Sully and Michaela.

Sully walked slowly towards the kitchen wondering exactly what he would find inside. Michaela was cleaning the breakfast dishes and scrubbing much harder than necessary. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Good morning," he whispered against her ear. "You look beautiful today." He heard a loud sniffle and knew Michaela was crying. Gently he turned her around. "Hey, hey, what's all this for?"

She looked up into his eyes and then buried her head on his shoulder. Michaela spoke but her words were unintelligible as her mouth was pressed against him. Sully pulled back from her so that he could hear what she was saying. Lifting her chin he nodded for her to continue. "I don't think I can do this," Michaela said between sobs.

"Do what?" Sully asked.

"Be a mother."

"But ya already are a mother. Remember Matthew, Colleen and Brian."

"This is different," she said breaking down anew.

Sully pulled her close and whispered soothing words against her ear until he felt her calm. "Are ya scared about the birth?" he asked gently.

"No, yes – some," she finally settled on. "It's not that though." She gave a little hiccup and Sully lovingly rubbed her back. "It's all the rest. I don't think I'm cut out for this."

Sully tried hard to suppress a smile wanting to point out that it was too late now for Michaela to change her mind. "Tell me one thing you're scared about."

"Breastfeeding," she replied seriously.

"That's fairly straight forward isn't it?" Sully asked wondering why Michaela would be worried about this.

"I just wish I had someone who could help me – someone like …" Michaela's voice drifted off as she spoke.

"Like your mother," Sully offered.

Michaela nodded her head. "She was there when every one of my nieces and nephews were born. I don't even know why I want her here. She always gave me a hard time about being a mother but I think I need her." Michaela let out another sob but quickly pulled herself together.

"It's gonna be okay. I know it's scary but we'll get through it together," he reassured her. "Remember how scared you were when Charlotte died and asked ya to take the children? But ya did just fine."

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "Do you know anything about breastfeeding?" she asked Sully trying to lighten the mood.

A sultry smile passed over Sully's lips. "I don't know much 'bout the feeding part," he said running his hand up from her waist grazing the side of her breast in the process. Slowly he moved his hand back down to cup her breast gently massaging it with his fingers.

Michaela instantly felt her body react. "You have to learn to share," she teased.

Sully leaned into her and placed a gentle kiss to the left side of her lips. "Not yet," he whispered placing a second kiss to the right side. He felt Michaela's arms circle his neck as he gently pushed her back against the edge of the counter. She turned her face up to him and closed her eyes needing to feel his lips against hers. It never ceased to amaze her how new his kisses felt even after all this time. He surprised her by running his tongue along her bottom lip before kissing her deeply. Michaela arched her back as Sully ran a trail of west kisses down her neck making sure to hit her most sensitive spots.

"We can't do this now," she reminded him but Sully was already unbuttoning the top of her shirt with his free hand. Michaela made no move to try and stop him. Instead, she pulled his shirt from his buckskins. Slipping her fingers under his waist band, she ran her hand around to the button quickly undoing it.

"I thought ya said we couldn't do this now," Sully teased as he watched the desire dance in Michaela's eyes. Ever since she had gotten over the morning sickness of the first trimester, she had been insatiable. Sully didn't quite understand it but he loved it nonetheless. Michaela began to ease his buckskins down when a knock at the door brought them back to reality.

Sully groaned as he pulled back and began to fasten his pants. He walked towards the door while Michaela buttoned up her shirt. Another knock sounded just as Sully turned the knob to open the door.

"Horace," Sully said his eyes big with wonder. "What brings ya out here?"

"I have a telegram for Dr. Mike." He held out a piece of paper. "I thought it might be important," he added as he noticed their disheveled appearances.

"Thanks," Sully said as he took the telegram from him.

Horace continued to stand there for a minute but when he realized they weren't going to invite him in, he stepped back. "Better be gettin' back to town," he mumbled as he turned.

"Thanks again," Sully repeated as he carried the telegram to his wife. He couldn't resist nibbling on her ear as she read. Michaela found his antics distracting and pushed him away so that she could concentrate on what it said. "Who's it from?" Sully asked considering his next move to distract Michaela.

"Mother," Michaela said her voice full of emotion. Sully turned and looked at the letter she held. Sully feared the worst – that Josef had passed away or was once again on his death bed.

"It is Josef?" he asked.

"No," Michaela answered her voice wavering slightly. "They're coming here Sully."

"They? You mean Josef and Elizabeth?"

"Yes."

"But… I thought…" Sully didn't know what to say so he stopped trying to speak.

"I can't believe he's coming," Michaela whispered as her eyes fluttered closed and her body began to sway as she fainted into Sully's arms.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 23, 1847**

The days were slipping by quickly now and Michaela knew that it wouldn't be much longer before they were on the train headed to Boston. She had spent the morning with her father and Anna while looking forward to sailing with Sully and John that afternoon. Glancing out the window, she watched as Sully and John worked together to patch up the barn roof. They hadn't finished up yet which meant she had some extra time and she decided to pay a little visit to Marjorie.

Lightly she tapped on her door. "Come in," Marjorie called and looked up at the door expectantly as Michaela entered. "What?" Marjorie practically snapped when she saw Michaela.

"Just wanted to set a few things straight," Michaela said as she sailed into the room closing the door behind her.

Marjorie rolled away from Michaela on the bed. Michaela simply crossed to the other side of the room eliciting a disgusted look from Marjorie. "Go ahead," Marjorie breathed her voice full on contempt.

"I don't want to hear anymore remarks about how it's my fault Claudia fell out of that tree. It's just as much your fault so stop blaming me." Michaela tried to keep her voice low knowing her mother was near but her anger was slowly getting the better of her.

"How do you figure it's my fault?" Marjorie returned sitting up on the bed.

"Because you were supposed to be watching her!"

"Mother's right – you'll be a horrible mother!" Marjorie spat back at her.

Michaela took a deep breath trying not to pounce on Marjorie. "She didn't say that!"

"No but trust me she was thinking it!"

Sucking in a sharp breath, Michaela tried to ignore the comment. "And I don't appreciate you gallivanting off to Annapolis with Sully."

"He said he would take me."

"Sure because you badgered him to death crying and whatnot."

"You don't own Sully, Michaela."

"I know that but I still don't want you taking advantage of him," Michaela replied. Her face felt flushed now.

"Besides he was probably trying to get away from you," Marjorie returned.

"That's not true," Michaela said and even though she really knew it wasn't true, the words hurt. It pained her to think about Sully not wanting to be with her.

"Are you done yet?" Marjorie asked.

"No, I'm not. Look I don't care who you want to run after but you need to start treating people better. You run off to see William without even talking to Paul and then Paul leaves and you can't make it down to the dock to say good-bye. What's wrong with you?"

Unknowingly Michaela had hit a sensitive spot. Marjorie felt tears welling up behind her eyes and though she tried to suppress them, they began to fall down her face. "Please stop," she whispered closing her eyes and dropping her head.

Michaela stood there stunned for a moment wondering why exactly her sister was crying. Her earlier anger began to fade and she sat lightly on the edge of the bed. "Marjorie?" she asked tentatively.

"Leave me alone," was Marjorie's only response. Michaela let out a deep breath and rose. She walked slowly to the door still confused by Marjorie's reaction when Marjorie suddenly said, "Don't go."

Michaela turned around to look at her. "What?"

All of the feelings that had been rolling around in Marjorie's head since Paul had pushed her away came crashing down upon her. Tears fell unchecked as she began to speak. "Michaela, I love him. I know it's wrong but I love him. There is no future for us – he's married and he's father's friend…" Her voice drifted off as she completely gave into her tears.

Michaela quickly crossed to the bed and laid her hand on Marjorie's shoulder. "Marjorie he's so much older than you."

"I don't care," she cried. "I don't care. It hurts so bad," she continued clutching at her chest. "I can't sleep because when I close my eyes I see him. I don't want to leave my room because every place I see I think to myself Paul and I did this here."

"Marjorie, it just takes time. You'll see. You will feel better eventually." Michaela tried to act like she knew what she was talking about. This is what Rebecca had said to her during her depression over Sully and though it hadn't proved true, Michaela used it anyway.

"I don't want to feel better though. I want Paul!" Her tears took over again leaving Michaela at a loss for what to say.

"What about William?" Michaela whispered in a low voice.

Marjorie slowly got control of herself. "I don't feel the same way about him."

"But you went to see him and Sully said you made up."

"That was before I knew about Paul's wife," she sniffled. Michaela shook her head feeling frustrated with Marjorie's behavior. "This isn't fair," Marjorie remarked before collapsing on the bed in a new fit of tears.

A light tap at the door caused them both to look up. Marjorie motioned for Michaela to answer it. Quickly she crossed to the door and opened it just enough to stand in the doorway and block the view of Marjorie. Yet she relaxed when she saw it was only Sully. "Ya ready to go?" he asked glancing over her shoulder.

"Umm.." she hesitated feeling bad for leaving Marjorie.

"Go on Michaela," Marjorie said from the bed. "I want to be alone anyway."

Michaela turned. "Are you sure?" Marjorie gave a slight nod of her head and buried her face back in her pillow. "If you want to talk later," Michaela began but Marjorie cut her off.

"Please just go," she said. Michaela looked at Sully and shrugged her shoulders. Sully pointed his head in the direction of the door indicating that they should leave. Michaela nodded and they left the room closing the door behind them.

"What was that all about?" Sully asked.

"Paul," Michaela whispered.

"Oh brother," Sully said shaking his head.

"You can say that again," returned Michaela setting off down the hall.

* * *

While the children went sailing, Anna had asked to speak privately to Josef and Elizabeth. In truth, she only wanted to speak with Josef but she knew that would be an impossible feat to pull off so she settled for the both of them. They sat in the old office that Josef hadn't thought was used anymore. The room reminded him of his grandfather. There seemed to be a lingering smell of pipe tobacco and Josef smiled as he pictured his grandfather sitting behind the desk. Yet when he looked it was his own mother who sat there and he furrowed his brow wondering what Anna wanted to say to them.

"I began to get my affairs in order at the beginning of last summer when I visited you in Boston," Anna began. "I am pleased I did considering the recent events. Life doesn't guarantee us how long we will be around and I was reminded of that in June."

"But you're doing so much better now," Josef remarked.

"I am but each day I'm getting older. Each day is another gift. I feel like I'm cheating time now." Anna hesitated here smiling to herself. That is exactly what it felt like to still be alive. "I'm very grateful that you let the children stay here this summer." She looked across to Elizabeth while she spoke. "It has been truly wonderful and it has further confirmed decisions I had already made."

Elizabeth and Josef looked up expectantly. "What decisions?" Josef asked.

"About my estate," Anna replied. "I thought I should tell you both of my plans. In my will, I have made provisions for John and Ida and their family. I am giving them some property and some stocks in the railroad that I believe will prove quite lucrative. I have left something to all the grandchildren as well including Sully. But I thought you both should know that I have named Michaela the beneficiary of my estate."

Josef's eyes grew wide. "You mean the house?" Josef asked.

"Yes, the house or houses," Anna smiled thinking about the Brooks. "And everything else that I haven't already specified."

"How much are we talking about, mother?" Josef asked. When his father had died, his estate had been split between Josef and his brother. Josef had told Anna that he would take care of her but Anna had refused his offer saying she had her own money. Josef knew his grandfather had left everything to Anna but he didn't know exactly how much that was.

"She will be a wealthy woman," Anna said.

"You can't leave everything to Michaela," Elizabeth interjected. "It's not right – your sons should inherit."

"It's my money. I can do what I want with it."

Elizabeth turned to Josef. "Tell her she can't do that."

Josef was at a loss for words. Part of him did feel slightly rejected by his mother's bypassing him but he rationally knew that his family was well set as far as finances were concerned. "It is her money," he whispered.

"She's loony," Elizabeth snapped. "I told you to get power of attorney when she first fell ill."

Anna took great offense at Elizabeth's words. "So are we back to that again? You think I'm mad, incompetent?" Elizabeth looked all flustered wishing she could take back what she just said. "I'll have you know Elizabeth that you are the impetus behind my decision."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't want to see Michaela stifled by you so I'm giving her the resources that she will need to do whatever she wants to do. You can't stop her Elizabeth – I'll make sure of that even after I'm gone." Anna's eyes flashed at Elizabeth who sat there stunned by her words.

Josef looked over at his wife and saw her chest heaving. "Mother," Josef began, "I'm only worried about this because I am afraid it will make Michaela an easy target for a man who might marry her just to get control of her money."

"I am not concerned about that," Anna said dismissively as she thought of Sully. "Michaela is a smart girl. She sees people for what they are. Besides I have financial advisors – lawyers that I trust. Michaela can trust them too."

"The house?" Josef asked looking up at her.

"It will be Michaela's but I know she may not want to live here. That's fine with me. It will be hers to do with what she wants."

"Do you realize what kind of problems this is going to cause with the other children?" Elizabeth asked suddenly.

"I don't really care," Anna said. "I know it's favoritism and I don't care. I want to leave my money to the person who I know will do the most good with it and that is Michaela. Elizabeth you can sit there all day and throw out reasons why I shouldn't do this but I am telling you it's already done. The papers are signed. My lawyers have their instructions."

"You are unreasonable," Elizabeth exclaimed as she rose quickly to exit the room.

"I'll take that as a compliment, "Anna replied watching Elizabeth leave. The door slammed behind her making Josef jump.

"Sometimes I think you provoke her on purpose mother," Josef observed.

"I would never do that," Anna said smiling and leaning back in her chair. "I'd never do that," she repeated.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 30, 1847**

Where the last week had gone, no one really knew. Time had marched away and the day had come for the family to return to Boston. Michaela stood with Sully on the dock looking out over the river. "What are you thinking about?" Michaela asked.

"I'm tryin' to memorize the way this place looks," Sully said. "So I can visit it every night in my dreams."

Michaela smiled over at him at the word dreams. "Sully, do you ever dream about me?" she asked.

"Sure," he replied. "Do you?" Michaela nodded as a blush crept across her cheeks.

"Why are ya blushin'?" Michaela looked out at the river trying to avoid his question. "Michaela?"

"Sometimes in my dreams we're all alone," she whispered.

Sully turned to look at her. "Like now?" he asked wondering what she was getting at.

"Sort of," she whispered glancing over at him. "But we are doing things."

"What things?" Sully asked and then instantly realized. "Oh," he said. Michaela blushed deeply wishing she had never said anything. Sully lightly nudged her arm. "Hey I dream about that stuff too," he whispered trying to ease her discomfort.

"You do?" Sully nodded.

"Okay, break it up," Marjorie said walking up the dock with her bags in hand. "You two aren't very careful."

"We aren't doing anything but looking at the water," Michaela replied.

"Right. That's why you're all red," Marjorie pointed out. Sully laughed much to Michaela's chagrin.

"What has you in such a chipper mood? I thought you were still upset about Paul." Michaela knew her words were unfeeling but she didn't care at that moment.

"Upset, well a little," Marjorie said. "Let's just say things look different now."

"Why's that?" asked Sully taking her bags from her.

"I have a plan." Marjorie smiled and climbed onto the boat.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-three**

**Boston – September 20, 1847**

Marjorie got out of the carriage and turned to pay the driver. "Thank you," she said then turned to face the building in front of her. Delicately, she fingered the paper with gloved hands and held it up once more for inspection. _Stoughton Hall_ She looked up again at the building and smiled that she was in fact in front of the right one.

Marjorie breathed in deeply. The hardest part had been waiting. She made herself wait until they had been back from Boston for three weeks. At first she had thought to wait a month but now three weeks seemed quite long enough. The location of his office had come from Sully who had unwillingly provided it when she cornered him one afternoon. The next part had been simple. William had visited on Saturday afternoon and taken her to an art museum, the same one she had visited with Paul and Sully. She didn't bother telling William that part though. As he dropped her off, he had kissed her hand asking when he could see her again. Marjorie had been waiting for this moment.

"Will you show me Harvard?" she had asked.

"Of course," William replied gently squeezing her hand. "When would you like to see it?"

"I'm available Wednesday afternoon," she replied. "Say around three?"

"I happen to be free," William had answered. "Shall I call for you here?"

"No, I'll meet you there in front of Stoughton Hall. I have an appointment not far from there earlier in the day."

William smiled at her warmly. "I'll look forward to it." He brought her hand to his lips once again.

In the distance a clock began to chime the half hour and she quickly found a bench near the front door of the building. Then she waited and just as she planned Paul walked through the front door of the building on his way to a three o' clock class.

The first thing Paul saw was the red of her hair under a dark blue hat. Drawing a sharp breath, he contemplated what to do. He wanted to run back into his office and lock the door. Twice he had already turned down dinner invitations from Elizabeth because he knew he wasn't strong enough to yet face her. At night after Claudia was asleep, he thought about Marjorie and wondered how she was doing. Maybe for her benefit it would be better to pass by and not say anything. After all she needed to understand they had no future together.

Marjorie waved to someone and Paul looked down the campus in the direction she was waving. There he saw William enthusiastically waving back at her breaking into a jog eager to be at her side. He looked again at Marjorie wondering if she had orchestrated all of this to make him jealous. It had worked; he could already feel the slight prick of his heart at the thought of her with that silly school boy. Moving into the shadows of the building, he watched as William greeted her with a kiss on her hand. Paul felt the first tide of anger rise up in his chest as he wondered whether they had kissed yet.

William did not sit down beside Marjorie but pulled her up and laced her arm through his. He was animated as he began to tell her about something. Pulling her along the path, he pointed out things to her. Paul waited until they were a safe distance away before returning into the open. He stared after them for a moment wishing things were different. A lump formed in his throat as one of his students passed in front of him.

"Professor, are you alright?" the student asked noticing the pale color of his face.

"No, I'm afraid I must be ill. Would you please let the other students know that our class is cancelled for today?"

"Certainly," the student replied a little too enthusiastically as he ran off to announce what he considered to be good news.

Paul turned and went back into his office. Without turning on the lights, he sat in his chair, resting his head in his hands. This nonsense had to stop. He wasn't some silly child who couldn't control his emotions. Yet if that was true, why did he right now feel like ripping William Burke's arm off? He looked across the room and noticed the covered painting against the wall. Why it still sat there he didn't know. It had been there ever since the first day he had moved into this office. Slowly he rose and went over to it. One short tug on the corner caused the cloth covering it to fall off. It was the last picture he had ever painted of his wife. She was holding Claudia in her arms. He sighed and then picked the picture up and threw it across the room.

"Dammit!" he screamed not caring if someone in the hall could hear him. He didn't bother to wipe at the tears that flooded from his eyes. The picture had landed unharmed and right side up on the floor. His wife's smile seemed to mock him as he stood there in his misery. "What am I going to do?" he whispered fearing that if Marjorie continued pursuing him he would not be able to resist. Slowly he sank to the floor as his chest heaved with unspoken grief. For the first time ever, he began to contemplate divorcing his wife.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Michaela asked bounding into the backyard and startling Sully.

"I was sketching," he said turning towards her. "Paul gave me an assignment."

"Sorry," she said noticing a large dark mark from where he had jumped when she startled him.

"That's okay, it wasn't very good anyway." He looked up at Michaela as she took a seat next to him. "How was your afternoon?"

"I hate that man."

Sully laughed. "Hate?"

"Okay extremely dislike," Michaela said falling back onto the grass. "Today he demanded to see my essay for Literature."

Sully gave her a confused look. "Isn't that what he is here for?"

"Math and Science! He is here to teach me math and science."

"So what did he want with your Literature essay?"

"To critique it," Michaela said through a yawn.

"And?"

"And he ripped it to shreds!" Michaela sat back up as a new course of anger flooded through her body. "This is a dangling participle," she said in a mocking voice. "And here you've split an infinitive."

Sully laughed at her antics but then looked at her seriously. "The only way we get better is to see our mistakes."

"I know and I would be fine if he was pointing out my mistakes in math and science. Out of all the possible private tutors in Boston, I get the one who thinks he is an expert in everything!"

"Calm down," Sully said with an amused expression on his face.

"And to top it all off, he likes Marjorie."

"What? How do you know?"

"Cause everyday for the past week, he has been asking questions about her."

"I hope ya told him she's already got her hands full. I don't know what she is up to but the other day she badgered me until I relented and told her where Paul's office was."

"And today she's out with William." Michaela shook her head.

"You better warn this fellow away," Sully said.

"Why? A third guy in the mix will liven things up a bit." Michaela smiled at Sully.

"Don't ya feel for the men in this situation? Ya willin' to offer a third one up to Marjorie?"

"Now wait a minute. William is annoying – extremely annoying. He is the idiot who saw her kiss another man and believed whatever lie she told him to win him back. You yourself said she walked all over him."

"True," Sully agreed.

"Paul is old enough to know better. Besides he's still married so I don't really think that relationship is going anywhere," Michaela reasoned.

"But Marjorie has a plan."

"Right. A plan. You don't make a plan to get someone to fall in love with you. That's ridiculous."

"Ya didn't make a plan to have me fall in love with ya?" Sully teased.

"You caught me," she laughed. "Seriously though you either love someone or you don't."

"You don't think Paul loves her?" Michaela raised her eyebrows at him. "What?" Sully asked curious to know what Michaela was thinking.

"I think Paul has other things on his mind," she said turning a bright shade of pink.

"Oh," Sully said. "You think Paul wants to.." Sully drifted off. Michaela nodded her head. "I don't know I think he might really like Marjorie."

"She's not that likeable," Michaela stated.

"What about Everett?" Sully asked switching gears.

"That's Mr. Frost to you."

"Right – what about Mr. Frost?"

"They deserve each other," Michaela sighed. "I think they both sit around dreaming of new kinds of evil to inflict on people." Sully laughed. "Let's go to the Common," Michaela suddenly said getting to her feet.

"Where's Elizabeth?" he asked knowing she wouldn't let them leave the house together alone.

"Garden Club and will be through dinner." Michaela smiled at him temptingly and then leaned over and kissed him briefly on the cheek. "Come on let's go."

Sully touched the place on his cheek where her lips had just been and returned her smile. "What are we waitin' for?" He picked up his art supplies and headed into the house with Michaela following close behind.

**

* * *

****Boston - October 13, 1847**

A soft knock came to his door and he raised his head. "Come in," he called glancing at the clock in front of him. The door opened and he looked up expectantly. There stood Marjorie dressed impeccably in a dark green dress that made her eyes shine.

Paul stood anxiously. "Marjorie," he said moving across the room to pull her into his office. Swiftly he shut the door as if he didn't want anyone to see her there. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how Claudia is and how you are? And to apologize for not seeing you off when you left Maryland."

"It wasn't necessary for you to see us off," Paul mumbled making a hasty retreat to his desk. He sat on the edge as his eyes roamed over Marjorie taking in her full form. His heart beat increased and he took a deep breath reminding himself to be aloof.

"How is Claudia?" Marjorie repeated stepping closer to Paul's desk as well.

"She's doing well," Paul replied. "I have hired a governess for her who is fairly strict. The good news is Claudia hasn't run her off yet and I have seen some improvement in her." He hesitated for a minute before continuing. "She asks about you often."

"She does?" Marjorie smiled at this revelation. "I would like to visit her sometime if that would be alright."

"That would thrill her," Paul returned as his eyes locked with hers.

"And you?" Marjorie asked.

"What about me?"

"How have you been?"

"Staying busy," he replied evasively.

"I know. Mother wonders why you've turned down every dinner invitation." Marjorie moved another step closer to him as she spoke.

"I couldn't bring myself to come," he explained though his voice was strained.

"Because of me?" Marjorie asked.

"I can't sit beside Josef and look across at you," he admitted.

"I miss you," Marjorie whispered, her voice breathy.

"Don't," Paul warned her as his anger suddenly consumed him. "Is this some kind of a game? I see you every Wednesday sitting on the bench in front of this building waiting for William. I know he is courting you."

"I don't love him like I love you," Marjorie tried to explain seeing the hurt in Paul's eyes.

"Are you purposely doing this to me?" he asked.

"I only wanted to make you jealous. To make you want me like I want you."

Paul laughed. "You think I don't want you?" he asked. "I'm going crazy thinking about you. Don't you see, it's sheer torture for me to watch you with him. To think about him kissing you, holding you close."

Marjorie's heart soared with these words and she closed the rest of the distance between them. Before he could push her away she wrapped her arms around his back drawing herself close to him. "I don't let him do those things," she whispered against his ear.

Paul stood there fighting with himself. He knew he needed to push her away but couldn't bring himself to actually do it. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply as Marjorie's scent filled his nostrils until he felt as if she was invading his whole body. No longer could he stand still. Quickly he wrapped his arms around her as she tilted her face up to him. "I'm married," he whispered.

"I don't care," Marjorie said. "Please just kiss me."

Paul needed no further invitation. At first he kissed her lightly, knowing she was young and inexperienced. Soon things had escalated though and he felt as if he was drowning in her. He pulled back slightly to catch his breath and Marjorie smiled up at him. He pulled her close to his body again, resting his forehead against hers. "You are so beautiful," he whispered making Marjorie blush. "You remind me of a dryad out of Greek mythology," he breathed into her hair.

"What's a dryad?" Marjorie asked as she pressed her cheek against his chest.

"A nymph, the female spirit of a tree. They say they come out and dance at night when you can't see them. You would be a maple tree with your red hair dancing in the moonlight."

No one had ever spoken to Marjorie like this. In that one moment she finally felt adored like Michaela was by Sully. She clung to him all the more, placing light kisses to his shirt clad chest. Marjorie longed to make him feel like she did and so she looked up at him. "Then you would be a greek god of old."

Paul smiled at her. "Who looked down seeing your fair form and was unable to resist you." This made Marjorie giggle and for one moment it reminded Paul of Claudia's laugh. He tensed as the reality of the situation occurred to him. Leaning his forehead against hers again he whispered "What are we going to do?"

"Paint," Marjorie said not understanding the emotion behind his question.

"What?"

"Paint," she repeated.

"Do you paint?" he asked stepping back and laughing at the impish look on her face.

"No you're going to paint silly."

"And what exactly do you propose that I paint?"

"Me as a nymph emerging from my tree," she said smiling. "Will you?" she asked eagerly.

"How can I resist?" he said forgetting his concern of a few moments earlier.

**

* * *

****Boston – November 10, 1847**

Michaela heard the knocking on the front door from the library where she sat waiting for Sully. She smiled to herself assuming it was him. She walked over to the door to greet him but found it was William Burke. He saw her from where he stood on the outside step.

"Michaela," he called out.

Michaela let out a long deep breath and started to walk over towards him. "William," she replied through gritted teeth. "How are you?"

"I came to see Marjorie but Harrison says she isn't here."

"Then I guess she isn't," Michaela returned.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" William asked his eyes wide and frantic.

"Okay," Michaela begrudgingly replied. William stepped past Harrison and followed Michaela back to the library. Michaela stopped and turned around once they were inside. She didn't offer William a chair or a drink. The truth was she didn't want William here at all and she was annoyed that her sister's absence meant she was going to have to talk with him. Elizabeth was out for the afternoon and she was looking forward to spending some time alone with Sully which didn't happen very often. "What did you want to talk about?" Michaela asked not bothering to hide the annoyance in her voice.

"Is your sister seeing someone else?"

"How would I know? I'm not her confidant."

William nervously began to pace. "I need to see her," he said wringing his hands as he walked. "I met her yesterday like we do every Wednesday. Things seemed to be going so well. But…" he trailed off here staring off into space.

"But what William?" Michaela asked trying to speed the process along.

"She told me not to call on her anymore."

Michaela stopped and thought about this statement. Marjorie had broken things off with William. Now that was interesting. With her curiosity peaked, Michaela now invited William to have a seat. He chose the nearest leather chair and sat down on the edge still wringing his hands. Michaela hoisted herself up on her father's desk and crossed her legs still watching him. "Is that all she said?"

William looked as if he was ready to cry as he responded. "She said that we weren't right for each other- that things weren't working out. I don't understand. I really thought things were going well. She had been a little distant lately but I didn't think much of it. Do you think there is someone else?"

"I really don't know." Paul instantly sprung to Michaela's mind but she had a hard time imagining that he had given into Marjorie's pursuit. She knew that Everett had been talking to her sister more and more and that he was a possible suitor. "The only thing I can think is that my tutor has been talking to her."

"Everett Frost?" William asked. "Do you think that's it? She wants an older man?" he asked frantically.

"William I think you need to calm down and wise up."

William looked up at her trying to ascertain what she meant. "Wise up?" he asked.

"She didn't treat you right this summer and she is treating you bad again. Do you really think she is worth all this heartache?"

William sank back in the chair honestly considering what Michaela had said to him. At that moment the door opened and Sully walked in looking from Michaela to William and back to Michaela. "Hi," he said a confused expression on his face.

"Hi," Michaela returned smiling back at him.

Sully crossed to the desk and hoped up beside Michaela. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said making it clear he wasn't about to leave Michaela alone with William.

"No. William just informed me that Marjorie has asked him not to call on her anymore," Michaela said casting an eye in William's direction.

"I see," Sully said raising his eyebrows. "So are ya here to win her back?" Sully asked nonchalantly.

"I thought," William began but than stopped when he saw the bemused expressions on each of their faces. "Are you both mocking me?" he asked.

"Never," Sully said pressing his lips together to keep from laughing. "I just think ya ought to leave Marjorie alone. Ya already took her back once and look how that turned out."

"You know what, you both are right. I don't need to hang around and let Marjorie walk all over me. Good riddance, I say." William stood up quickly straightening his back and holding his head high. "I don't need her anyway."

"That's the ticket," Michaela said standing ready to escort him to the door. "Keep your chin up. Any girl would be lucky to have you." She had now reached the library door and had opened it for him.

"Thank you," William said looking back at Sully and then at Michaela who stood at the door. "And I do hope it's okay if I come to see you sometimes." William took Michaela's hand as he said it.

Sully immediately stood up and marched over to where the two stood. Removing William's hand from Michaela's he replaced it with his own. "When she said any girl would be lucky to have ya, she wasn't talkin' about this girl."

"I …. I didn't …. I didn't mean it like that," William stuttered growing red in the face.

"Just so we're clear," Sully replied. Michaela was grinning from ear to ear and bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud.

William stood at the door staring at them both. "You two really are…" his voice trailed off.

"None of your business," Michaela finished. "Whatever we are is none of your business," she repeated.

William nodded to indicate he understood. "Well then I guess I'll see you around."

"Bye," Sully said.

"Good-bye," he replied and then turned to leave.

Michaela and Sully stood watching until he had closed the front door behind him before they turned and went back into the library. Michaela closed the door behind her and then ran to Sully hugging him from behind. "You are so great," she said squealing with delight. "I love it. Did you see his face when you told him I wasn't available? That was so great." Michaela let go of him and sat down on the window seat.

Sully smiled at her as he stood looking towards the window. "So Marjorie broke up with William," he repeated.

Michaela nodded. "And William thinks she is seeing someone else. I think it's Everett," Michaela said clapping her hands as if this was some guessing game.

"It's Paul," Sully said as if there was not a doubt in his mind.

"No way! Paul is married and I think he still loves his wife even if she is crazy," Michaela explained.

"It's definitely Paul."

"Do you know something?" Michaela asked wondering why Sully was so sure of himself.

"No."

"You would tell me if you did?"

"Of course."

"So why are you so sure then?"

"I just have a feelin' that it's Paul. He's been really happy lately. Hums while he's paintin'. And he's workin' on something new that he won't let me see."

"Sneak a peek at it," Michaela encouraged.

"I can't do that. It's his work and if he doesn't want me to see it than I gotta respect that."

"Okay," Michaela agreed drawing out the word as if it were some chore. "I still say it's Everett," she added trying to get the last word in.

"Speaking of Everett – how was the afternoon?"

"Not too bad. I might have been a little rough on him in the beginning." Sully laughed at Michaela's response as a knock came to the front door. Michaela let out a frustrating sigh and leaned in quickly to give Sully a quick peck on the lips.

Sully smiled at her. "That was nice," he said.

"And there could have been more if William hadn't wasted our time together." Michaela quickly got up from the window seat and promptly took a seat at her father's desk sticking her nose in a book. Sully did the same but at the window seat.

As if on cue the library door opened and in breezed Elizabeth. "No shut doors," she reminded them.

"It was open a few minutes ago," Michaela argued. "Must have blown closed when you opened the front door."

Elizabeth frowned at her. "Let's try harder to keep it open in the future." With that Elizabeth breezed back out of the room.

"Yes mam," Michaela said saluting in the direction of the door.

**

* * *

****Boston - November 30, 1847**

Paul smiled over at Marjorie as she stood on the other side of the room modeling for the painting he was working on. Her arms felt stiff but she didn't care. Not when Paul was committing her form to canvas. "Okay," Paul said. "That's enough for today."

Marjorie dropped her arms and walked over to him. "How is it coming? she asked.

"See for yourself." Paul moved so that she could get a better view of the painting on the easel. Marjorie marveled at her own likeness on the paper.

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"That's because you're beautiful," Paul returned as he approached her back and wrapped his arms around her.

Ever since the day Marjorie had showed up at his office in October they had been secretly meeting. At first it was only twice a week but now it was four or five times a week. Marjorie made up story after story about where she was going. She hadn't told her parents about William and amazingly they hadn't found out so she allowed them to assume that some of the outings were spent with him.

Paul made no commitments to Marjorie and Marjorie hadn't asked for any. She understood his position and was happy for now just to be with him. The problem was that physically things had escalated rather quickly. It wasn't helped by the fact that Marjorie wore a toga to model for the picture. Paul had a hard time concentrating on the picture with her in that costume.

Last time things had quickly gotten out of control as their hands had wandered all over each other's bodies. In the back of Marjorie's head a small voice kept telling her she was an adulteress; that this was a married man but she always pushed it to the side refusing to listen to it. Paul felt guilty as well but he too continued to throw caution to the wind just to have her close.

Now they stood close to one another with Paul's arms wrapped snuggly around her mid-section. Her neck was bare as she still had the toga on and he dipped his head to kiss the crook of her neck. Marjorie giggled but leaned her head to the side encouraging him to continue. Lightly his tongue grazed the sensitive flesh of her shoulder as he placed soft kisses there. Slowly she turned around in his arms wanting to feel his tongue inside her mouth.

They began to move across the room still holding onto one another, their mouths locked in a timeless lover's embrace. When they reached the couch, Paul gently guided Marjorie down on to it and pulled back a little smiling at her.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked knowing that what they were about to cross a line that could never be uncrossed.

"I am," she said her eyes burning into his.

"Maybe we shouldn't," he said as his conscious began to work on him. Marjorie saw the fear in his eyes.

Framing his face in her hands she said, "I love you."

"And I love you," Paul agreed. "That's why we shouldn't be doing this."

Marjorie leaned up and kissed him gently pulling him down on top of her. Paul felt his resolve slipping now and his hands reached up to untie the knot of her toga.

* * *

A cold wind blew across the quad at Harvard chilling Sully to the bone. Quickly he ran towards Stoughton Hall seeking the warmth of the building. Sully smiled to himself, thankful that he knew where Paul kept a spare key to get into his office. He needed to retrieve his watercolors that he had left there during yesterday's lesson. Darting into the building, he rubbed his hands together and stamped his feet trying to warm himself. He couldn't believe how quickly winter had set in. Setting off down the hall, he passed several offices and he smiled at the familiar faces he saw on the way. Finally he stood in front of room 117 and knocked but there was no answer.

Standing on tiptoes he ran his hand along the top of the door frame until his hand touched something metal. Sliding the key off the edge, he put it into the lock. He turned the key in the lock and moved his hand to the knob. Sully opened the door and gasped.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 1858**

Michaela stood at the window of her bedroom looking out onto the river, happy to be in the place she considered home. The smell of bread baking rose up from the kitchen and she breathed in deeply. A light breeze stirred the curtains and she closed her eyes letting it gently whip her hair around her face. The river sparkled in the sun and she watched as a sailboat made its way up the river. She never gave the boat a second thought as a light knock came to her bedroom door.

"Come in," she called turning towards the door a wide smile on her mouth as she already knew who it was.

"Did ya have a good nap?" Sully asked walking over to her.

"I did. You?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Oh Sully it feels like a dream being here with you like this. We always have to hide at home but here there is no sneaking around." She let out a contented sigh as Sully wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her in close.

"It was a good idea for us to meet here," he whispered against her ear.

"This is my house. I should get some use out of it."

"Josef and Elizabeth were okay with that?"

"I didn't ask. I just sent them a telegram saying that when the semester ended I was going to Cambridge for a couple of weeks."

"Glad ya did."

Michaela entwined her arms around Sully's neck. "I'm glad you could come."

"How could I say no?" he asked leaning in and kissing her lightly on the lips. Sully pulled back but Michaela was hungry for more. Forcefully she pulled him back so that their lips crashed into one another. Before either knew it, they had fallen backwards onto the bed. Sully broke off the kiss and looked down at Michaela his eyes swimming with desire. "I love you," he whispered, "And I can't wait until we are married."

Michaela giggled. "Me either," she said. Sully rolled onto his side and Michaela mirrored his movement so that they could look at one another. "It's getting harder to wait," she whispered.

"I know," Sully replied as he gently stroked her cheek with his hand. "But it's worth the wait. You're worth the wait."

Michaela closed her eyes and snuggled against him. "You are too good to be true," she said.

"I'm gonna remind ya of that next time you're angry with me."

"Me angry with you? Never," she teased hooking her leg over his so that she could slide closer to him. Sully laughed.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Come in, Ida," she called barely moving away from Sully. The door opened and Michaela sat up expecting to see Ida there with the tea she had asked for. It was not Ida. Josef stood there instead.

"Father," she gasped her eyes wide with shock. "What are you doing here?"

**

* * *

****Boston – November 30, 1847**

Sully ran. He ran and ran. He ignored the pain in his side. He ignored his terrible thirst and continued to run. Confidently he had told Michaela that Marjorie was involved with Paul but he hadn't had any real proof. Now he had more proof than he needed. Yet there was no victorious feeling that he had been right. Instead, there was a hollow sick feeling in his stomach. His cheeks burned with cold but also with the sting of embarrassment. His head swam with confusion as he ran ever closer to Beacon Hill. Houses flew by him. Dogs barked at him. Children stopped to look at him. He continued to run.

Finally he was standing in front of the house he called home but his feet no longer wanted to move. He felt as if he could collapse right in front of the house. How strange that he had ran as hard as he could to get here but now he didn't feel like going in. Slowly he began to trudge up the steps finally making it to the front door. He knocked and then leaned against the door frame feeling so dizzy he could hardly stand.

Harrison opened the door and noticed the white mask around Sully's mouth and the way his chest heaved as he gasped for air. "Master Sully, are you okay?" he asked. Sully nodded and pushed past him. Michaela was just coming down the stairs and the sight of Sully so frantic frightened her. She took the stairs two at a time as Sully leaned against the banister for support.

"Sully, what is it?" she asked. "Has something happened?"

He motioned her close knowing Harrison was still only feet away from them. "Went to get paints from Paul's office," he gasped between breaths. Michaela moved closer so that she could hear him better. "Paul," he whispered. "Marjorie, they were …" his voice trailed off as he looked up into Michaela's eyes hoping she understood.

"Kissing," she whispered back glancing nervously over at Harrison. Sully frantically shook his head. "Oh," Michaela said her eyes growing wide in amazement.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-four**

**Boston – November 30, 1847**

The curtains were drawn shutting out the sunlight. The door was locked keeping the outside world at bay. Marjorie who had been bold enough to pull Paul on top of her moments earlier was now beginning to have second thoughts as the toga fell to the floor. Paul's shirt shortly joined the toga and he stood to unbutton his pants. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had heard the knock but he knew the door was locked. Yet that was enough to cause him to pause again unsure if they were doing the right thing. "Someone's at the door," he whispered anxiously as he looked down again at her flushed face.

"It's locked," she replied suddenly feeling as if this was all wrong. She crossed her arms over her naked chest and turned slightly so that she could see Paul's face hoping she would find the reassurance there that she needed. Yet it was as if a dark cloud had suddenly passed in front of his eyes leaving Marjorie feeling all alone. "Paul?" she said her uncertainty growing by the minute.

Paul heard the desperation in her voice and sat down on the couch gathering her in his arms. "I'm here," he said but the look in his eyes told her he was really a million miles away.

The door opened and the light penetrated his office sneaking into all the shadowed places, exposing things that were never meant to be seen. They both recognized his form. They both felt the panic rise within their chests. Marjorie pulled away from Paul trying to find something to cover herself with. Paul was too shocked to move at first until he realized that Sully was already closing the door. Quickly he grabbed his shirt, throwing it on and running after him as he did up the buttons. He didn't stop to think what he must look like to those in the halls as he ran past shoeless, his shirt half undone. The only thought in his mind was that he had to reach Sully. Yet when he reached the outside door and his bare feet hit the chilled cobblestone, reality set in and he realized that he could never follow Sully the way he was dressed right now.

Thankfully Paul had closed the office door behind him giving Marjorie the privacy she needed to get dressed. Quickly she slipped into her camisole and bloomers drawing the strings tightly on each. She had purposefully left her corset off today when she dressed for convenience sake and so she slipped into her dress. Looking down at her hands, she watched herself mechanically doing up the buttons. She felt detached as if she was only an observer not a participant in the scene that had recently played out. Inside her body felt numb and though she hadn't crossed the line physically, emotionally it felt as if she had.

The door of the office opened and Paul stepped in. His eyes met Marjorie's and she saw echoed there the same fear that was in her heart. "This was a mistake," he said not understanding how his words sounded to Marjorie. To her it was like an arrow piercing her tender heart and she sank back inside of herself drowning in the guilt that was flooding her body. "I'm sorry I should never have allowed this to happen," Paul whispered crossing the room to her. "This is my fault."

Hearing him blame himself snapped Marjorie out of her self pity for a moment. "We both are to blame," she whispered knowing that really that wasn't even true. If she hadn't pushed, if she hadn't planned and schemed, if she had let things go, then none of this would have happened. "He's going to tell Michaela," Marjorie said letting out a slow long breath.

"Would he?" Paul asked.

Marjorie looked at Paul dumbfounded. "You don't know, do you? I assumed… that is when you came to chaperone…" Marjorie stopped suddenly unsure how to continue. More than anything she wanted to be alone to sort out her own thoughts and feelings. The last thing she wanted was to explain Sully and Michaela to Paul.

Paul still looked confused as he studied Marjorie's face. It dawned on him that Sully had lied about his and Michaela's relationship but like Marjorie he realized this wasn't the time and place to be talking about that when there were more relevant matters to be discussed. "What are we going to do?" Paul asked feeling frantic again.

Marjorie couldn't take it any longer. She had to get out of this room. "Paul I need to go home," she whispered. He looked up at her and nodded.

"I'll get you a carriage," he said his thoughts elsewhere.

Marjorie pulled her cape around her, buttoning it under her chin. She slipped on her gloves and then followed Paul out the door. Paul hired a carriage for her and helped her inside. His eyes locked with hers as she sat down. The need to say something rose up inside of him but no words came to mind. Gently he patted her hand as someone might do to a small child. Then he was gone and the carriage was moving steadily through the streets of Boston towards home. Marjorie now felt utterly alone. Her skin crawled with his touch but the memories were no longer pleasant for her. She felt dirty and ashamed. Pulling her cape around her even closer she pushed herself against the wall of the carriage as the tears began to fall.

* * *

Michaela watched as Sully stared out the library window. The side of his cheek was pressed against the cool of the window pane. Normally he would have sat near the fire on a day like today but the tingling cold felt oddly pleasant against his burning cheeks. Michaela sat in her father's chair her book open in her lap but she had not looked at it once. The library door was open and Elizabeth was only feet away writing letters in her own study. She had been concerned when she had emerged to find Sully in the state that he was. Her first instinct was that he was sick and she had tried unsuccessfully to whisk him upstairs to his room until Josef returned home. Sully had assured her he was okay because he knew banishment to his room also meant banishment from Michaela.

"Sully," Michaela whispered deciding to take a risk. He turned his head towards her and smiled but it was forced at best. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's really nothin' to talk about," he replied keeping his voice low. "I saw somethin' I shouldn't have seen. It was none of my business." His tone was even and clam which Michaela knew was a sign that he was sitting on whatever was bothering him.

"Tell me," she implored.

"What I saw?" he asked.

"Whatever's bothering you."

"That's the problem. I don't exactly know." With these last words spoken he pressed his cheek back to the window and returned to his previous state.

Michaela swallowed hard trying to figure out a way to get him to open up. She closed the book in her lap and rose from the chair making her way silently across the library. Gently she began to push the door closed, holding her breath the entire time. Ever so slowly she turned the knob, pushed the door to and then let the knob go as clicked quietly into place. Quickly now she crossed back to Sully sitting beside him on the window seat and taking his hand in hers. The contact with another human jarred Sully out of his catatonic state. He began to draw back his hand from her until he reminded himself of who it was holding it. The risk that she was taking with even this small gesture was great and Sully recognized that. He longed to lay his head in her lap and be comforted much like had happened this past summer but that was impossible.

"Tell me," she implored him again.

"He's married," Sully whispered. "I know she's not around. I know she's crazy but it doesn't change the fact that he's married."

"I know," Michaela returned as her thoughts turned to Marjorie.

"He has a little girl. He should know what he would feel like if a married man did that to his little girl." Sully's voice drifted off.

"Marjorie's not a little girl, Sully." Michaela's voice was soft but firm. "She participated too." Sully nodded but didn't speak. "Marjorie knew about his wife but still chose to," she finished casting a look down at the hand held within her own.

"It feels very odd to know somethin' like this 'bout 'em. It feels like I should do something or tell somebody. I don't even know why."

The door burst open just as Michaela was about to speak. She jumped away from Sully letting go of his hand assuming it was Elizabeth. Marjorie hurriedly crossed the office looking from one to the other. They could tell she had been crying.

"Mother's in her study," Michaela whispered looking at Marjorie imploringly.

"If either of you breath a word of this to anyone especially our parents, I will tell them about you two so fast it will make your head spin. Is that clear?" Her voice was low but as threatening as she could make it. Quickly she looked from one to the other of them but both were too shocked to respond. "Do you understand?" she asked again this time more impatiently.

Sully started to speak but Michaela beat him to it. "We understand perfectly but neither of us appreciates being bullied into remaining quiet."

"Save it Michaela. I don't care what you have to say. You heard my deal. You don't have to agree to it. If you tell our parents, I tell them about you – it's that simple." With that she turned and sailed across the room slamming the door on her way out.

Michaela quickly moved back to the chair at her father's desk knowing the slammed door would draw Elizabeth's attention in a heartbeat. "She did that on purpose," she muttered to Sully.

Sure enough, Elizabeth sailed through the door not thirty seconds later. "This door is to remain opened," she exclaimed giving both of them an exasperated look. "I don't understand why that is such a hard concept to grasp."

"Marjorie closed it," Michaela informed her.

"Marjorie's home?"

Michaela nodded. "Just came in."

Elizabeth turned, looking up the stairs as she slipped out of the office closing the door behind her. She only made it to the stairs before she realized her mistake and quickly returned to reopen the door.

Michaela laughed softly at her mother's mistake and looked over at Sully to see his reaction. He was back to staring out the window again and hadn't even noticed what Elizabeth had done. Michaela decided she could no longer sit by and do nothing. It was time to talk some sense into the parties involved in this situation. It was one thing when the only people affected were the two of them but it had escalated beyond that and Michaela wasn't going to sit by and watch. Quickly she crossed the room. Sully watched her, his brow furrowed but he did not ask where she was going or try to stop her. On her way up the stairs she crossed paths with her mother.

"What are you doing Michaela?" Elizabeth asked.

"I need a book from my bedroom," she lied.

"Library door stays…" Elizabeth began.

"Open," Michaela interrupted her. "Yes we know." She longed to tell her that she should be more worried about her other daughter but knew that was dangerous territory. Knowing that Marjorie was now alone, Michaela quickly made her way down the hall to her sister's bedroom. She didn't bother to knock on the door but simply let herself in.

"Get out!" Marjorie screamed the moment she saw Michaela.

"Not until I've had my say."

"I don't care what you have to say. Why don't you understand that?"

Michaela continued on as if she Marjorie hadn't even spoken. "Your personal life is none of my business. I understand that but when it starts affecting those around you it becomes other people's business as well. Right now the two of you have Sully upset because he walked in on you two…" Michaela wasn't sure exactly how to express it. "Acting like a married couple."

"Why does it matter to him?"

"Because Paul is his teacher and he is married. Do you remember that Marjorie? He's married. You're sleeping with a married man." Michaela emphasized each time she said the word married.

"We haven't slept together," Marjorie whispered.

Michaela heard Marjorie's statement but she missed the way her head had suddenly fallen to the floor and her eyes had pooled with tears again. "He told me Marjorie. Sully told me what he saw – don't try to deny it!"

Marjorie let out a ragged breath wishing her sister would leave. She didn't need Michaela in here beating her up like this; her own conscious was already doing a great job. But before Michaela left she needed to be set straight. "We haven't ever…" her voice trailed off here as she tried to express herself succinctly. "We were going to but Sully interrupted us," Marjorie finally expressed. Why Michaela believed her sister this time had more to do with the way she looked than with what she said. There was no fire left in her sister's voice and her eyes, which now leaked tears, were lifeless. "I'm glad Sully interrupted us," Marjorie finished looking back down at her bed.

"You are?" Michaela asked trying to understand what her sister was telling her.

Marjorie lay down on the bed and began crying in earnest so that her next words were muffled but Michaela heard her say something about being in over her head. Michaela sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed her sister's back and for the moment Marjorie calmed a little. She looked over at Michaela as she spoke. "I've really made a mess of things. I don't know what to do. Please don't tell mother and father," she pleaded.

Michaela nodded her head as she reassured her, "We aren't going to tell anyone but you need to break things off with Paul."

"I know," Marjorie whispered. "I know."

**

* * *

****Boston- December 1, 1847**

Michaela had the afternoon free as Everett had an appointment with one of his professors and couldn't tutor. She had planned to buy Sully's birthday present when she finished at school but now she added another stop to her agenda. The carriage pulled up in front of Stoughton Hall and she descended quickly looking around to make sure she didn't see anyone she recognized. Running into William right now could ruin her day in the worst kind of way. It was necessary that her presence here remain a secret. She only hoped Paul was in his office.

Quickly she crossed the small courtyard and made her way to the door of the building. The halls were practically deserted and it took her no time to find the room she was looking for. She knocked lightly and waited as footsteps made their way across the room.

Paul opened the door expecting to see Marjorie and was surprised at who he saw instead. "Michaela? What are you doing here?"

"I need to speak with you," Michaela replied. "Can I come in?"

Paul moved to the side to make room for her entrance. "Certainly," he told her but from the look on her face he wasn't sure he really wanted her to come in. It appeared as if Sully had told her.

Michaela walked into the room and turned to face Paul who was closing the door. She took a deep breath ready to say the thoughts that had been running through her head ever since yesterday. "You have to stop," she began. Paul's heartbeat sped up as she spoke. It was one thing to be reprimanded and quite another to be reprimanded by a fourteen year old girl. "Marjorie's upset. She spent all last night in her room crying," Michaela continued.

"I never meant to upset her," Paul said as he realized that Marjorie had in fact not been ready for anything that had happened the day before.

"I believe that. And I realize that she had just as much a part to play in anything that has happened as you have. Possibly more because she went after you on purpose."

"But she's so young," Paul interrupted Michaela. "I knew that but I kept telling myself that she was old enough to know her own mind."

Michaela felt her resolve crumbling as Paul continued to speak but she shut out his words in order to get out the last part of what she needed to say. "Sully is very upset. He does not blame Marjorie – he blames you."

Paul nodded his head to show he understood. "Is Marjorie still coming today?" he asked.

"I don't know. I didn't know she was supposed to come," Michaela said now getting nervous that her sister might catch her here. She really didn't want anyone to know that she had come though she did plan on telling Sully later.

"Michaela," Paul spoke, his voice low and full of emotion. Michaela looked up at him. "I want you to know I love your sister. I'm not simply taking advantage of her. I really do love her."

This was the wrong thing for him to say at that moment. Michaela felt the rage of the night before entering her body again. "And I suppose you are going to say you care about our family as well. And then that you only have your daughter's best interest at heart." Her tone was biting.

"I do," Paul muttered wondering what had caused the sudden change in Michaela.

"No, Paul you don't. If you loved my sister, you would do the right thing - either break it off with her or divorce your wife so that you could court her properly. If you cared for my family, you wouldn't be sneaking around with her allowing Sully to catch you together. You upset him Paul. He looked up to you. Do you understand that?"

The words stung Paul and he nodded knowing Michaela spoke the truth. Michaela wasn't finished yet but a knock at the door interrupted her and she knew before Paul even opened it that it would be Marjorie.

When Marjorie entered her eyes settled on Michaela. "What are you doing here?"

"Setting a few things straight," Michaela said her eyes still fixed on Paul.

Paul put his hand on Marjorie's shoulder to calm her. "It's okay Marjorie."

Michaela knew it was time to go now but she couldn't help but give them one last reminder as she left. "This has to stop," she said looking from one to the other of them. They both nodded unconvincingly as Michaela stepped to the door. She said nothing as she left still wishing Paul and she had not been interrupted. Quickly she crossed the courtyard heading to where the carriage was waiting for her.

"Michaela," William called as he spotted her. Michaela froze momentarily and then turned slowly, her heart sinking at the sound of the familiar voice. William jogged over to her. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Needed to drop something off at Paul's for Sully," she lied.

"Where are you headed to?" he asked casually.

Michaela let out a short angry breath. "To get a birthday present for Sully."

"Would you like some company?" he asked.

"Now that would be a great birthday present for Sully."

William gave her a bemused look. "What do you mean?"

"When he finds out that I went shopping with you for his birthday present," she explained. "He doesn't like you hanging around me William. I thought he made that clear the other day."

"Well aren't you the conceited one," William interjected a slight sparkled in his eye.

Michaela took great offense at his words. "What do you mean?"

"Thinking every guy who wants to catch a ride uptown wants to marry you," he explained knowing he had her going. "I'm not interested in you like that. For goodness sakes, you're practically a little girl."

Rage flew into Michaela as she realized she had let William get to her again. The desire to push him down right her on the campus crossed her mind and she actually seriously considered it for a moment. "It's a good thing I'm a girl because if I wasn't you'd be on the ground flat right now," she returned through clenched teeth.

William laughed. "Michaela you take me far too seriously."

"I see you've gotten over Marjorie."

That name was William's undoing but he quickly covered. "Just getting back into the swing of things," he said quickly. "And since my company here is unwanted, there is some studying I need to do."

His quick departure baffled Michaela but she was glad for it. For a moment, she watched him walk away and then she climbed in the carriage to head up town.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 5, 1847**

Sully's demeanor had improved each day following the incident and by his birthday he seemed to be his old self though he had skipped the week's art lesson with Paul. Michaela knew her mother was busy downstairs and she snuck down the hall to Sully's room tapping lightly on the door. Sully opened it and smiled when he saw who it was.

"Happy Birthday," she said grinning.

"Thanks," Sully returned as Michaela entered the room. "What about your mother?"

"She's downstairs already. Don't be such a worry wart," Michaela teased him.

"Right with this other thing about to explode any day, I really need a reason for your mother to be mad at me."

"Do you really think it's going to explode?" Michaela asked.

"She ain't stopped going to see him," Sully reminded her.

"I know but don't allow that to ruin today. Don't think about Marjorie or Paul."

"I'll try not to," he returned grabbing his books from his desk. "Think we better head downstairs before you mother comes up to see what's takin' us so long."

"I need to do something first," Michaela said looking over at him.

"What?"

Quickly she crossed the room and placed a firm but brief kiss to his lips. "That," she said. "Happy thirteenth," she breathed softly.

Sully beamed at her. "Thank you," he whispered back as Michaela stepped towards the door.

William knocked lightly on the door of Josef's office. His palms were sweating and his stomach felt as if it was doing somersaults.

"Come in," Josef called and William slowly opened the door. Josef wasted no time in crossing the room to him. He held out his hand and shook hands with the young man clasping him firmly on the back. "It's good to see you William."

"Thank you Dr. Quinn," William returned his voice shaky.

"Don't be nervous my dear boy," Josef said. "This interview really is a formality. I can't think of anyone who would make a better addition around here than you. Of course you understand it's mostly grunt work. Can't be helped but it does give you some good experience. And of course I will try to expose you to lots of different cases."

William felt himself relax. Securing this position was going to be much easier than he had originally thought. "Thank you sir," he said. "I really can't tell you what this means to me."

"Don't have to thank me son. You really are the best qualified candidate but I still needed to run you through the process. I couldn't have anyone thinking I took you on because you're courting my daughter." Josef gave William a wink as this last line left his mouth.

William sat awestruck for a minute wondering if he had misheard Josef. "Dr. Quinn, Marjorie and I aren't courting anymore. I was actually worried that you might be upset about that fact."

Josef considered William for a moment. "You're not courting?" he asked.

"No, she told me almost a month ago now that she wanted to break things off."

This news came as a blow to Josef. William truly was the best candidate but it didn't hurt that Josef had thought he was taking a future son in law under his wings. This didn't change his decision in the least but it puzzled him. Marjorie had been absent so much recently and though he didn't always inquire about where she was, he had assumed a large part of that time was being spent with William.

"Sir, Dr. Quinn," William called as Josef shook his head bringing him back to reality.

"Sorry," he apologized. He looked over at William and saw the worry etched in his face. "Of course the position is still yours, if you want it."

"Yes, sir," William said eagerly.

"Good," Josef said. "After the new year we will get you settled in." William was beaming as Josef shook his hand again. "I had assumed Marjorie would be bringing you to our Christmas party but well… what I mean to say is I would like to invite you to our Christmas party on the tenth. Will you still be around?"

"I will," William said.

"If you would feel uncomfortable seeing Marjorie," Josef began.

"No, I'll be there," William assured him.

* * *

Josef was already planning on arriving home early for Sully's birthday but the news that William had provided him with made him all the more eager to get home. As the carriage pulled up in front of the house he made a beeline for the door and then for Elizabeth's study.

"Josef, I didn't expect you home so early. Sully won't be out of school for another half an hour yet," Elizabeth said upon seeing her husband's form in the door.

"Where's Marjorie?" he asked.

"Out with William picking up a last minute present for Sully. Why?"

Josef let out a laugh. "She's not with William."

"What are you talking about?" Elizabeth asked her face suddenly very pale.

"William was at my office before I came here," he explained. Elizabeth still had a confused look on her face so Josef continued. "He told me that Marjorie asked him to stop calling on her almost a month ago."

"A month ago? Maybe I misunderstood… Maybe she went out with one of her friend's today." Elizabeth was still trying to make sense of what exactly was happening.

"And for the past month? Where has she been going off to for the past month?" Josef replied. Elizabeth's face fell as she considered that Marjorie had been lying to her. "Elizabeth you were always so diligent about watching over the girls especially when they started courting."

"I know," Elizabeth said feeling as if she had failed. "I don't know how I managed to miss this."

"I do."

"What?"

"If you weren't so preoccupied with some imaginary relationship between Michaela and Sully, maybe you would realize that Marjorie has been lying and sneaking around."

"Don't make this my fault," Elizabeth returned. "It's Marjorie that has been lying and sneaking not me. "

"And you let her." Josef's anger had really gotten the best of him now.

Elizabeth stood so that she felt even with Josef. "Don't come in here saying that like you've always been the perfect father. I may have missed this but you wouldn't have had a clue about any of it if William hadn't told you. You are always at that blasted hospital and even when you are here, it's in body only. Your mind is still on your work."

"Don't make this about me," Josef fired back.

Michaela stood outside the door listening, trying to discern what her parents were fighting about. She had only recently finished lessons with Everett and had seen him to the door when she heard her parent's shouts. It didn't take her long to realize that everything was about to get extremely ugly. The front door opened at that moment and Marjorie breezed in. Michaela looked up and scuttled over to her.

"They know," she whispered a panicked look on her face.

"What?" Marjorie asked. "They know about me and Paul."

"I don't think they know about Paul but they know you've been lying about where you go every afternoon."

"Oh no," Marjorie said burying her face in her hands. "Don't tell them Michaela," she begged. "Please don't tell them."

"I won't," Michaela said seeing the fear in her sister's eyes and knowing that if the situation was reversed she would have to rely on Marjorie to do the same for her.

The study door flew open and Josef emerged followed by Elizabeth. "Marjorie Quinn," Josef's voice rang out through the hall making both girls jump. They turned to look at their father backing slightly away from him as they did so.

"Father," Marjorie said weakly though Michaela noticed that she placed both feet firmly on the ground as if in fighting position.

"Where were you this afternoon?" he asked.

"I went to get a birthday present for Sully." She held up the package in her hand.

"Did you go with William?"

"No," Marjorie said.

"But you told me you were going with William," Elizabeth interjected stepping up beside Josef. Marjorie only nodded her head. "And what about two days ago when you told me William was taking you to the art museum? Did he take you?"

"No," Marjorie whispered.

"Where were you?" Josef asked but Marjorie remained quiet.

"Do you think this is some kind of game?" Josef's voice was even louder now bouncing off the walls of the foyer and echoing through the house. The front door opened at that moment and Sully came in stopping short when he saw the expressions on everyone's faces. Josef continued as if Sully hadn't even arrived. "I asked you a question Marjorie. Where were you?"

"I'm not going to tell you. You can't make me. I'm not a child." Her voice was soft but firm.

Sully anxiously looked at Michaela. Michaela sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes large as she met Sully's. The look that passed between them was one of fear at more than just what was happening. They knew it could as easily be them in Marjorie's position right now.

"That's where you are wrong," Josef yelled. "I can't make you tell me but you are still my child. If you don't tell me where you have been going for the past month when we thought you were with William, you won't leave this house for at least a month."

"You can't do that," Marjorie said finally reverting to her normal toddler mode. Quickly she stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest. "That isn't fair!"

"You will not go out gallivanting around this city like some kind of strumpet," Elizabeth added. "This is your last chance Marjorie. Tell us where you have been."

Marjorie looked directly at her mother as she spoke. "No," she said firmly and started up the stairs.

"Do not walk away from us. We are not done here, young lady!" Josef yelled after her.

Marjorie stopped and turned. "I'm not going to tell you so punish me, I don't care."

"Get out of my sight!" Josef yelled back as his anger took over. Marjorie felt the tears begin to sting her eyes at his harsh tone and even harsher words. She ran now up the stairs not stopping until she was in her room.

Josef turned quickly to look at Sully and Michaela. "Do you two know anything about this?" he asked looking from one to the other.

"No," Michaela whispered fulfilling her promise to Marjorie. She looked over at Sully who was adamantly shaking his head.

* * *

Josef's anger never subsided that evening. Their family arrived to celebrate Sully's birthday but the air was thick with tension. Marjorie never emerged from her room which only made Elizabeth more cross. The other sisters wondered exactly what was happening. Michaela and Sully were very subdued. Josef was obviously preoccupied and Elizabeth was trying her hardest to gloss over everything so that Sully's birthday wouldn't be a complete ruin. All day Sully had been looking forward to his birthday celebration, remembering how terrific last year's had been but now he wished it wasn't his birthday at all.

The one bright spot of the evening had been the pocket watch that Josef and Elizabeth had given him. It was like one he had seen once in a store when he was little. He had always wanted something like this and he felt rather grown-up as Josef showed him how to wear it. He had been eagerly looking forward to Michaela's gift as well but it had ended up being more art supplies. Last year's gift had been so special that he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

Finally the presents were done with. The cake was cut and eaten. The family started to leave. Sully stood and said his thank yous and good-byes feeling more and more dejected all the time. Some birthday this was. He actually looked forward to the moment he could escape up to his room to go to bed.

Michaela had waited until she was positive the whole house was finally asleep before she left her room. Quietly she tiptoed down the hall, lightly tapping on Sully's door before she opened it and let herself in. His bed was empty but she soon found him sitting in front of the dying fire. "Sully," she said and he turned to look up at her.

"Oh, Michaela," he whispered, rising to go to her. Quickly she wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her close. He laid his head on her shoulder seeking whatever comfort could be found there. "Should we have told them?"

"I don't know," Michaela replied. "Part of me thinks we did the right thing but another part of me knows that lying was wrong."

"Same here."

"I'm sorry your birthday was ruined," Michaela whispered as she began to lightly rub his back.

"I guess they can't all be great," Sully said. "I just wish it wasn't a birthday I'd rather forget."

Michaela let out a light laugh. "True," she said. After a brief pause she stepped away from Sully. "I have another present for you."

"Ya do?" Sully looked at her expectantly as she showed him the small box she held in her hand. She held it out to Sully and he took it from her excitedly. It was not wrapped so he quickly pulled off the lid. Inside on the bottom laid a key on a red ribbon. Sully dumped it out onto his hand. "What is it?" he asked.

Michaela looked at him a little sheepishly suddenly feeling silly. "It's the key to my heart," she whispered casting her eyes down towards the ground. Sully laughed and Michaela looked up. "I know it's kind of cliche," she began.

"No," Sully said meeting her eyes. "I'll treasure it always." Sully closed his fingers around it and held it over his heart. "I love you," he whispered bringing the other hand up to softly stroke her cheek.

"I love you too," Michaela returned moving in to hug him again.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

Sully had ridden off for town leaving Abigail alone in the new homestead. She was supposed to be unpacking the few remaining boxes but her mind was elsewhere. Last night Sully had taken the box with his things from Boston out to the barn to store it. The way he had warned her away from it still stuck in her mind and she couldn't shake the thought that something of great interest was in that box.

Trying hard to get her mind off of the box's contents, she started to unpack the dishes that her mother and father had given her. They were a wedding present and she loved the little blue flowers that were etched around the edge of the plates. Soon she had emptied the box putting them each in their place. As she stood to get the next box, something in the corner caught her eye. There stood Sully's Boston box. He had taken it out to the barn the night before. She was sure of that. Why had he brought it back in? Had he been looking through it?

She could no longer contain her curiosity and she made her way over to the box. Removing the lid she studied how things were laid inside knowing she would need to put things back the way she found them. Her hand closed over a bundle of letters and she pulled the first one from under the string. The date on it was three years ago. Quickly Abigail opened it hastily looking out the window to make sure she was alone. The words were faded but the handwriting was beautiful. It was from Michaela. She started to read it but found it was painful to hear words of love pouring forth from another woman to her husband to be so she hastily replaced it in the stack.

Going back to the box she looked down at two small boxes that lay side by side. Picking up one she opened it. Inside laid a key on a red ribbon. The ribbon had seen better days. It was tattered and dirty but she could imagine that one time it had been shiny and new. Yet why would anyone tie a ribbon on a key? And what was the key to? She dumped the key into her hand and studied it but it was truly an ordinary skeleton key. Returning it to the box, she replaced the lid and sat it back in its place.

Now her hand closed over the other box wondering what strange thing she might find inside. Slowly she opened it and gasped at what she saw. Anxiously she bit her bottom lip as a slow smile spread across her face. Sully must have been keeping this as a surprise for her. Quickly she closed the box and replaced it already practicing how to act surprised when he finally did give it to her.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-five**

**December 6, 1847**

Josef lay in bed on his side staring aimlessly out the window. Elizabeth was already up bustling around the room, getting ready for the day. The air in the room was chilly and Josef burrowed down deeper under the bed covers not even caring that he needed to be at the hospital in less than an hour. There was a dull ache in his left temple from his lack of sleep the night before.

"Are you planning on staying in bed today?" Elizabeth asked when she finished dressing. There was no response from Josef so she walked over to the bed and pulled the bedclothes back. "Josef, should I send word to the hospital that you won't be in today?"

The cold air stung his skin causing him to hastily grab for the blanket. "No, I'm going in," he answered Elizabeth as he finally sat up in bed. "I was thinking about Marjorie. Where do you think she has been going for the last month?"

"Isn't it clear? She breaks things off with William and begins lying about where she goes every afternoon. I'm sure there is a boy involved that she knows we wouldn't approve of. Probably someone from the working classes."

Josef turned to look at Elizabeth. "I could approve of someone from the working classes as long as he treated my daughter well."

Elizabeth laughed. "Right, Josef. You would see Marjorie in the arms of some dock boy?"

"Elizabeth, everything isn't about money."

"No but everything certainly is easier with money," she said giving herself one last look in the mirror before heading over to the door.

"But it's Marjorie, Elizabeth. Do you really think she would give someone from the docks the time of day?"

Elizabeth pondered this with one hand on the door knob. She shook her head. "Stranger things have happened."

"Name one," Josef said as a smile formed on his lips.

"You being late for work," she replied referring to the fact that he was still in bed.

"I'm getting up right now," Josef returned playfully. "I just wish she would tell us where she spent her afternoons. I am imagining all sorts of things."

"I don't see her opening up anytime soon," Elizabeth sighed. "Which means I will have to keep a close eye on her."

"Michaela and Sully will be glad for the respite, I'm sure," Josef teased.

"That's not funny."

"Someday when we are sitting at Sully's wedding, I certainly hope you will finally give up these delusions," Josef continued to tease her.

"Someday when we are sitting at Michaela and Sully's wedding, I will take great pleasure in saying I told you so." Josef laughed but Elizabeth did not. For her the subject was not a joke but something to be taken seriously.

"Mike won't ever get married," Josef returned as he started to wash his face in the basin. "She told me so herself. Said I was the only man in her life."

"Josef, she was eight when she told you that. You were the only man in her life," Elizabeth reminded him. "Though I do agree if she really is going to become a doctor there is a good chance she will never marry."

"And that would suit me just fine," Josef replied now starting to slip out of his pajamas.

Elizabeth shook her head at him, wondering how someone as brilliant as her husband could be so naïve. "I'll be downstairs," she said opening the door and stepping into the hall.

Josef quickly changed into his clothes after Elizabeth left. He stopped to look in the mirror noticing the grey that peppered his hair. "Where does time go?" he said out loud running his fingers through his beard. His thoughts turned to Marjorie as a little girl and he couldn't help but sigh in disappointment at her recent behavior. Where she had been spending her afternoons was troubling but not as troubling as her deception. Josef had never liked dishonesty and he would not stand for it from his children. With a heavy heart he opened the bedroom door to face the new day.

Sully and Michaela stood down the hall near the top of the stairs. They had not yet seen Josef so he stopped to watch them. Sully pulled something out of his pocket to show Michaela. Josef couldn't quite see what it was from this distance though it appeared to be something tied onto a ribbon. Michaela smiled and let out a light giggle before punching him lightly on the arm and taking off down the steps. Josef smiled to himself as he watched the interaction. How Elizabeth could misinterpret what was obviously a friendship for anything more blew his mind. As he passed Marjorie's room, he thought about knocking but decided against it. He would rather start the day with Mike and Sully instead of being reminded of how easy it was for one of his children to lie to him.

**

* * *

****December 7, 1847**

Marjorie waited anxiously in the library for Sully to get home from school. Today was his normal day for an art lesson with Paul and though he hadn't gone since the day he had walked in on both of them, Marjorie hoped that she could convince him to go. Her father's anger had dissipated slowly but that didn't soften her punishment at all. She no longer had to endure lengthy lectures when she saw him only disapproving looks which were much easier to ignore. Yet she was still stuck in the house until she revealed her whereabouts of the last month. Marjorie felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. If she told them where she had been supposedly her punishment would be over but in reality Marjorie knew that when they found out, this current punishment would only be the beginning.

The problem was she needed to see Paul in the worst possible way. They had decided to cool things off for a little while until they had made decisions. Actually it was Paul who had the decision to make. They had discussed last time breaking off their relationship or possibly Paul divorcing his wife. At the thought of the last option, Marjorie's heartbeat had increased double fold as she considered the possibility that Paul may truly be free to court her. Yet no decisions had been reached and now she had missed seeing him for two afternoons. She was desperate to let him know why she had not been coming and Sully seemed like the only viable option for how she could get word to him.

Michaela was at the hospital with her father this afternoon as Everett was sick. She had been thrilled with the opportunity to accompany her father on a school day. Usually she only had the chance on Saturdays and so an extra day spent working beside her father was like a dream come true. It worked well for Marjorie too because she was convinced that without Michaela around to spoil things, she could convince Sully to take a note to Paul for her.

The door to the library opened and Sully slipped in leaving it open behind him. Marjorie sat on the window seat and looked up as he came in.

"Good afternoon Sully," she began in her most charming voice.

Sully knew by just her tone that she was going to ask him to do something and he had a pretty good idea what. "Marjorie," he said nodding his head at her slightly.

"How was your day at school?"

"Look I know you want to ask me to do something for ya so just ask," Sully replied.

"Right. Sully I know you haven't gone to your art lesson in two weeks but I really need you to go today and take a note to Paul for me."

Sully didn't say anything for a minute but aimlessly walked to the fireplace, his eyes staring into the flames. "I'm sorry Marjorie, I can't. I don't want to see Paul."

Marjorie's heart fell but she was far from finished trying to persuade him. "Sully I know you are upset with him. You're probably upset with me too. Please put yourself in my position. What if someone was keeping you away from Michaela and she didn't even know why? What if the one person who could get word to her refused to?"

Sully frowned at Marjorie's dramatic take on the situation. "It's not really that desperate," he returned still staring into the flames. Yet Marjorie had touched a nerve by reminding him that one day Michaela and he may be separated as well. Ever since his birthday that thought had continually come to mind. After living every day with her, he wasn't sure what it would feel like to be apart from her for an extended period of time. Frankly the thought scared him a little. She had proven herself the one person he could talk to and the one person who tried to and actually did understand him.

"Sully?" Marjorie called as she realized he was lost in his own thoughts. He turned to look at her wishing that Michaela was there to offer advice. "Will you do it?" she asked nervously holding a folded piece of paper in her hands. "I won't ask anymore of you. Please!"

When Sully saw the desperation on her face, he wanted to give in. From out of nowhere a thought struck him. An idea of which he knew Michaela would approve. "I will take it, under one condition."

"Anything," Marjorie promised too quickly. "What is it?"

"You can never breathe a word to Josef or Elizabeth about Michaela and me. No matter what happens with this whole Paul thing." Marjorie let out a sigh. This was the biggest bargaining chip she held when it came to the two of them and she wasn't really ready to concede it yet. Dropping her head to look at the note in her hands, she considered her options. "Well?" Sully asked.

"I'm thinking," she replied without looking up.

"If I'm going I have to go soon or Elizabeth will ask questions."

Marjorie knew he was right. "Okay but you have to promise to stay and get a response from Paul."

"I'll have to stay anyway. It will look suspicious if I come right back."

"Right," Marjorie said as she crossed the room to hand him the letter. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much." Sully nodded his head in response, tucked the letter into his pocket and set off to see Paul for the first time since the incident.

When the carriage finally stopped in front of Stroughton Hall, he began to regret he had ever agreed to come. There was an anger that burned deep within him directed towards Paul. The fact that it had never been expressed had only intensified it. This anger frightened Sully and he closed his eyes to steady himself before stepping from the carriage. He had already made the decision that this visit would be brief- long enough to deliver the letter and get the promised response. There would be no art lesson and no conversations. Sully would not be lulled into talking about the situation.

Slowly but deliberately he stepped down from the carriage and crossed the courtyard to the door. He opened it and stepped inside, stopping again to compose himself as he felt his anger flare up at the memory of the last time he was here. Putting one foot in front of the other, he walked down the hall stopping outside of Paul's office and knocking softly.

"Come in," called Paul's familiar voice. Sully hesitated as he drew in a long deep breath. Placing his hand on the knob, he turned it and pushed the door open. Paul looked up from his desk. "Sully," he said, his tone light and joyful. "I was afraid you wouldn't come."

"I'm not here for an art lesson. I am on an errand for Marjorie," he responded mechanically holding out the note in front of him.

Paul frowned at him as Sully stepped closer to his desk placing the note in his outstretched hand. "Sully, I am very sorry about what happened. Please give me a chance to explain."

"Please read the note. Marjorie wants me to bring back a response." Sully did not even acknowledge that Paul had spoken. He stared straight ahead as he spoke not even bothering to look at Paul.

Paul decided to let things be for now and turned his attention back to the note. Quickly he opened and read it, emitting little sounds of concern at various points. "Is Marjorie okay?" Paul asked as he finished the letter.

"Like you care," Sully said feeling his anger slipping away from him. He turned and walked away from the desk stopping in front of the window and staring out at the campus. Paul rose and leaned on the side of his desk closest to Sully.

"Sully, I care very much. I love Marjorie."

"You're married," Sully said matter of factly.

"I know," Paul whispered feeling the shame of Sully's statement. A silence enveloped the room as Paul waited for Sully to say something else. When he didn't Paul said, "Sully I don't know how to explain it to you. What I have done is wrong. I know that and Marjorie knows that. I want to make things right though," Paul finished looking back at Marjorie's letter one last time.

"Are ya gonna divorce your wife?" Sully asked finally turning to look at Paul.

"No. I'm going to stop seeing Marjorie. I was planning on telling her yesterday but she never showed up. Now I know why." He indicated the letter as he spoke.

Sully looked up at him finally. His anger was still there but for the first time since that fateful day he felt sorry for Paul. "That is gonna be hard."

"I know," Paul whispered, "but she is young and there will be other men, plenty of other men."

"I meant for you."

Paul gave Sully a weak smile as he met his eyes. "We didn't," he began but Sully cut him off.

"I know. Michaela told me," Sully assured him.

"I'm sorry that you walked in on something so inappropriate. At the same time I am grateful that your interruption stopped other things from happening. It would only make what I have to do now worse." Sully nodded to indicate that he understood.

"She made me promise to wait for your reply," Sully informed him feeling a little more comfortable being in this place but still anxious to leave.

"Right," Paul said going back to his desk. From the top drawer he removed some stationary and positioned it in front of him. Dipping his pen in the inkwell he began to write. Sully turned again to give him some privacy. Outside the sky was gray and dismal. The temperature was bitter leaving Sully with a sneaking suspicion that soon it would begin to snow. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind then one solitary snowflake landed on the outside window ledge. He smiled to himself looking eagerly up in the sky for its brothers and sisters. They began to come slowly at first but then faster. Sully felt mesmerized as he watched the snow descend. He was so lost in the scene before him that when Paul touched him on the shoulder he jumped. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Paul said thrusting the letter for Marjorie towards him.

"You didn't. I was watching it snow," Sully responded looking out the window once more after taking the letter.

"It would be a good day to paint." Paul raised his eyebrows at Sully hoping that he would agree to stay for a while longer. Sully frowned at Paul's statement but inside he felt torn. "I still want to teach you," Paul said almost longingly.

"Not yet," Sully replied relaxing his face into a weak smile. "Maybe after Christmas when everything calms down."

"I'll look forward to it," Paul said knowing better than to push Sully into something he wasn't ready for yet. They shook hands and Sully left tucking the note into his pocket. The clock outside was already striking four and Sully knew it would not look too suspicious if he arrived home a little early because of the snow. Walking across the courtyard, he fingered the note in his pocket, knowing that for Marjorie the news would be disappointing at best but most likely devastating.

* * *

The snow fell and fell so that by the next morning it blanketed the ground making leaving the house almost impossible. For Sully and Michaela that meant no school which caused their level of excitement to be double that of the afternoon before when the snow had only begun to fall. Michaela enjoyed school but a day at home with Sully and without Everett certainly was appealing. Sully who only found school tolerable was extremely pleased with the turn of events.

As Sully had suspected, Marjorie took the news in Paul's note hard. Josef and Elizabeth assumed that her demeanor was over her continuing punishment but Michaela and Sully both knew better. The snow did little to lift her spirits. The one comfort she took was in the fact that she would see Paul one last time at the Christmas party in a few days. She had known that his decision to break things off was inevitable. Though she had allowed her heart to hope for a divorce, she knew Paul well enough to know what decision he would make. Still it was better to have company even if she felt miserable and so she reveled in Michaela and Sully's presence.

The first day off was spent inside. Both Sully and Michaela were itching to get outside and play but Elizabeth would hear nothing of it. She declared Michaela too old for such childish behavior and wouldn't let Sully go by himself. Despite Michaela's protests that her mother was being illogical, they ended up spending the day in her father's library. It was not hard to fill the day with various amusements. Michaela read to both of them for awhile until Marjorie had a major crying jag. She had closed the book at that point knowing it was almost impossible for Sully to hear her over Marjorie's whimpering. Michaela and Sully played chess until Sully was tired of losing and then they switched to checkers which Sully won several times. After Martha served them a delightful tea, they settled down on the floor each reading their own books and finally dozing off in front of the fire.

Elizabeth found them like this late in the afternoon. She stood in the library door pondering the arrangement and trying to decide whether it was proper for Michaela and Sully to be sleeping next to each other. Marjorie lay on the far left curled into a fetal position. Her hands rested under her face. The sight of Marjorie like this reminded Elizabeth of the little girl she had been only a few short years ago. Where had the time gone? Michaela lay in the middle on her stomach, her face turned towards Sully and her hand outstretched in his direction. A peaceful look graced her face and she giggled lightly in her sleep making Elizabeth wonder what she was dreaming about. Sully lay on his back with a book over his chest. His face was also turned towards Michaela. Though Elizabeth had never known him as a small child, she could imagine what he might have looked like and her heart warmed strangely at the thought.

The next day Elizabeth would have given anything to have them doze off in front of the fire. The tenth was the annual Quinn Christmas Party and there were so many preparations still to be made. The children had grown irritable and bored. Early in the morning, Elizabeth had broken up a game of hide and seek much to Michaela and Sully's dismay. Instead she encouraged them to read but neither seemed to be able to settle to anything. By early afternoon Elizabeth couldn't stand one more moment of it and she quickly bundled Michaela and Sully up sending them off to the Common to go sledding. Marjorie had not wanted to go and had retired to her room instead.

Michaela and Sully could not believe their luck. Not only were they outside in the snow, they were outside alone on their way to the Common with Elizabeth's blessing. They trudged through the snow which had already begun to melt leaving a wet mess everywhere. Sully pulled the sled behind him taking care not to run it into Michaela who was walking beside him.

"What luck," Michaela sang out looking over at Sully.

"I feel bad for sayin' this but I'm so glad Marjorie didn't come. I don't think I can stand one more second of her sniffles."

"I don't know, if she had come maybe her tear ducts would have frozen over." Sully and Michaela both laughed imagining that happening.

Sully stopped to readjust the sled and Michaela pulled a little away from him. Taking advantage of the situation, Sully hastily reached down and made a snowball aiming for the back of Michaela's covered head. The snowball found its mark causing Michaela to whirl around with a surprised look on her face. "No fair. I wasn't paying attention," she whined.

"It wouldn't be any fun if ya were lookin'," Sully replied.

"Just wait until we get to the Common. I'll get you back."

"Am I supposed to be scared?"

"You…you," Michaela exclaimed trying desperately to think of something to call him. Quickly she reached down and grabbed a hunk of snow throwing it at Sully. It hit him on his chest and he stumbled back a little having the wind knocked out of him.

"Michaela the center of that was ice," Sully complained bending over trying to catch his breath.

"I'm so sorry," Michaela said sheepishly walking back towards him. Sully put his hands down in the snow and brought up two heaping handfuls and nailed her right in the face. "Unbelievable," she exclaimed wiping snow away with her gloved hands. "At this rate we are never going to get to the Common."

"Let's call it a truce until we get there," Sully offered.

"Sure it's real easy to call a truce when you are the last one to throw a snowball. Besides I'm still upset with you for being Marjorie's little messenger boy."

Sully smiled at her. "I didn't do it for free."

"She paid you?" Michaela gave him a confused look.

"No, I made her promise she wouldn't breathe a word about us to Josef and Elizabeth no matter what."

Michaela let out a high pitched squeal. "You are a genius," she said grabbing his arm and giving it a grateful squeeze. "I could kiss you."

"I'll take ya up on that when we get to the Common."

"I bet you will," Michaela returned giving him a sly look before her face turned more serious. "You never told me how it was seeing Paul."

"Weird."

"Is that all?"

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "When I first got there I was so angry. I didn't even realize how angry I was at him. Then he told me he really loves Marjorie." Sully hesitated here looking over at Michaela.

"He told me the same thing the day I was there."

"Do ya believe him?"

"I think I do. How about you?"

"Yeah," Sully said nodding his head. "And that makes me feel sorry for him."

"Are you going to take art lessons from him still?" Michaela asked.

"Maybe after Christmas," Sully replied thoughtfully.

"Speaking of Christmas, I hope Marjorie doesn't make a fool of herself at the party tomorrow night. You know she is going to want to talk to Paul. I refuse to run interference and I don't want you getting mixed up in it either."

"Yes mam," Sully said giving her a little salute.

"I didn't mean it like that," Michaela said as they crossed the street and stepped onto the Common.

"Sure ya didn't," Sully teased as he reached down and scooped up another snowball, throwing it at Michaela.

"Hey, I thought we called a truce."

"I said just until we got to the Common," laughed Sully. Michaela reached down and made her own snowball as Sully dashed away from her. They spent the rest of the afternoon playing at the Common until their hands, feet and faces were numb. Even then they were reluctant to go home but they knew it would be dark soon and so they turned towards Beacon Hill leaving a beautiful afternoon behind them.

**

* * *

****Quinn Christmas Party – December 10, 1847**

Michaela wore red velvet. Her mother said it was too much, that the color washed her out but Michaela had set her heart on it and in the end her mother had agreed to buy it. She couldn't help but run her hands over the soft material of the dress as she stood at her mother's side greeting guest after guest. Normally this would have been Marjorie's job but tonight Marjorie had been banished from greeting guests like keeping it from her was some sort of punishment. Michaela couldn't help but think that Marjorie was the lucky one. The snow had continued to melt during the day and though everything was extremely wet, the roads were all passable. Few had been deterred from coming to the Quinn's party anyway.

From her position in the foyer, Michaela could see Sully standing near the mantle in the morning room. Sarah, one of the girls Michaela went to school with, was talking to him. Yet Sully kept glancing at Michaela and rolling his eyes. This made Michaela laugh but still she wished to be turned loose from her post in order to get rid of Sarah completely.

Finally Elizabeth turned to her restless daughter and released her. Michaela ran off quickly and Elizabeth shook her head as she watched her go. So much for turning her into a young lady Elizabeth thought. Scanning the room, she spotted Marjorie talking to Everett. This allowed her to relax some. She was determined to keep close tabs on Marjorie tonight in case any of her actions would help solve the mystery of where she had spent the last month.

With one last look back at her mother, Michaela cut in on Sarah and Sully's conversation in order to lead him onto the dance floor. Sarah had made a face at Michaela when she interrupted but Michaela was beyond caring. She blushed when she felt Sully's hand at her waist. It had been a while since they had danced and she couldn't believe how much she had missed it. A waltz was playing as they began to move in time to the music.

"Paul here yet?" Sully whispered.

"Not yet."

"Do ya think he ain't gonna come?"

"Possible," Michaela confirmed casting a glance over at the open door. "Wait a minute, I think he just walked in." Sully couldn't help but crane his neck around to see. "Don't be so obvious," Michaela scolded using the hand on his shoulder to turn his head back around.

"Don't be so bossy," Sully returned.

Michaela pulled her mouth down at the corners and wrinkled up her nose at him. "I suppose Sarah would never tell you what to do."

Sully laughed. "Have I told ya how beautiful ya look tonight?" he whispered leaning slightly in towards her ear.

"Are you trying to change the subject?" Michaela asked. She felt Sully go tense as his eyes grew large. "What is it?"

"Marjorie and Paul are talking," he whispered.

Josef stood over by the large windows that overlooked the backyard talking to some colleagues from the hospital. Just like Elizabeth, he had anxiously been watching Marjorie this evening hoping to solve the mystery as well. Every few minutes, he would glance over at her but so far the people she had spoken with were all well known to Josef. Paul was talking to her now, probably about Claudia.

Once he had ascertained Marjorie's whereabouts, he took another sweeping glance of the room. This time his eyes fell on Michaela and Sully who were dancing to a waltz. He smiled to himself as he watched them move about the room laughing with each other. Josef chuckled wondering how Elizabeth could possibly think there was anything more than a deep friendship between the two of them. He watched as Michaela playfully swatted Sully's arm over some comment. Just like brother and sister he thought and once again the familiar ache rose up in his heart. He still longed to adopt Sully as his son but stuck to his vow not to bring it up again unless Sully talked about it.

The dance ended and Sully led Michaela over to the mantle where they were instantly joined by two other girls. Michaela moved back while the other girls anxiously moved forward toward Sully. Josef laughed to himself again. Sully might not have shown much interest in girls but they were certainly starting to show interest in him. A boy approached from Michaela's other side and greeted her. Josef squinted his eyes trying to get a better look at the boy who turned out to be William. The thought of William now being interested in Michaela crossed his mind and he bristled at the idea. It had always been hard when each of his daughters had started showing interest in members of the opposite sex but somehow with Michaela it seemed even worse. His mind and heart did not want to accept that someday there would be another man in his daughter's life, a man who would essentially replace him. Michaela had always been his little girl and the thought of sharing her with another seemed incomprehensible.

**

* * *

****Boston, December 1855**

She closed her eyes and let the music take her. The hand on her waist was warm and familiar. The warm feeling started there at her waist and moved through her body in waves. His other hand held hers securely giving it a gentle squeeze from time to time. Opening her eyes, she met his and was immediately lost in the blue that swam before her. Never in her life had she been intoxicated but that was how she felt right now. It had been a year since she had last seen him and now he was here for a month. A whole glorious month that she knew would fly by, leaving her wanting more. This wasn't the time to think about that though. Now was the time to dance, laugh and enjoy these rare moments spent together.

"Have I told ya how beautiful ya look tonight?" he whispered leaning in towards her ear.

"A girl can't hear that too much," she teased.

"I love ya in red."

"I chose it just for you."

He smiled as the intensity of her gaze became even greater. His fingers at her waist gently massaged the area and she giggled. Sully raised his eyebrows at her remembering how she had greeted him last year at this same time. "Library," he whispered. Michaela nodded as she let Sully lead her off the dance floor.

Josef watched from across the room, a frown on his face. How many times had he stood in this very spot and watched them dance? How many times had he watched them sneak off alone and he had assumed it was just to catch up? How long had it been going on? He felt disgusted with himself and with them but something held him back from confronting them. Still he couldn't help wonder how he had ever watched them dance and not noticed that they were much more than friends.

**

* * *

****Quinn Christmas Party – December 10, 1847**

Josef and Elizabeth were not the only two keeping a close eye on Marjorie. William also could not help but watch her. Though he had tried hard to convince himself that he no longer had feelings for her, watching her, the truth became evident. When she had been speaking with Everett, William had felt slightly sick to his stomach as jealousy took over. All day he had been thinking about what to say to her if they should meet. Twice he had turned back tonight, deciding not to come but in the end he came; partly because he wanted to make a good impression on Josef who had invited him and partly because he wanted to see Marjorie.

Yet now he felt worse than ever as he watched Paul greet her. The blush on Marjorie's cheeks spoke volumes and William knew at that instant that Paul had been his replacement. Anger rose up inside of him as he remembered how Marjorie had swore that there was nothing between the two of them. She had lied to him about that and who knew what else. When he watched them turn and start to walk off together, he couldn't resist following them. Keeping a somewhat safe distance, he moved quietly behind them. When they turned onto the back porch, William stayed in the kitchen hoping he would be able to hear their conversation.

As luck would have it, Marjorie had not pulled the door tight behind them and so William stood near the crack straining his ears to hear.

"I wish things didn't have to be this way," Paul said shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from wrapping them around Marjorie.

"It's so hard," Marjorie replied fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Someday you'll see it was for the best," Paul whispered as his own heart grew heavy again. He had only come tonight to tell Marjorie good-bye. After tonight there contact would have to be extremely limited. "We could never be anymore than this."

"I love you," Marjorie confessed.

"And I love you," Paul returned then grew silent as he contemplated the young girl who stood before him. "Our love will have to be courtly love," he said smiling.

"Love from a distance that is never consummated," Marjorie replied her voice full of sadness.

"Yes, though almost," Paul couldn't help but add with a soft laugh.

It was these final words that worked on William. Slowly his brain but it all together – almost consummated. No longer could he stand still as this thought invaded his brain. Without thinking, he flew through the kitchen door. Both Marjorie and Paul were startled and they turned to look at him, shocked at his presence. Before either had a chance to react, William lunged for Paul knocking him to the ground.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	46. Chapter 46

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-six**

**Quinn Christmas Party – December 10, 1847**

As fate would have it, Harrison entered the kitchen as William made his surprise appearance on the back porch. When he lunged at Paul and they both came crashing to the floor, Marjorie let out a scream and both noises drew Harrison's attention. When he looked around the corner onto the back porch, his only thought was to get someone to help break up the fight and to be as discreet about it as possible. He knew Elizabeth would not want her party ruined in this manner. Fleeing quickly from the kitchen, he sought out a family member to help.

William felt his body shake as his anger coursed through him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered that this was a professor at Harvard. Yet the logical conclusion that he could ruin his future by assaulting this man eluded him. Hastily he regained his feet and stood, raising his fists at Paul.

"William, I don't want to fight," Paul said as he began to stand. "I know you are upset…"

William cut him off. "Upset! Don't talk to me about being upset!" The sound of his voice filled the porch threatening to spill into the house.

"William please," Marjorie pleaded knowing at any moment they would attract unnecessary attention. "Don't do this."

"I don't want to hear a word from you Marjorie! You promised me there was nothing between the two of you. You let me make a fool of myself." As he spoke to Marjorie, his anger flared up anew. If he had been less of a gentleman, he would have turned and slapped Marjorie across the face. That was what he wanted to do but instead he turned back towards Paul and raising his fist he brought it down hard making contact with Paul's lip.

As much as Paul truly didn't want to fight William, there is something that takes over in a man when another is intent on inflicting damage. Running his tongue over the injured part of his lip, he tasted the blood. Before William knew what had hit him, Paul had struck, landing an upper cut to William's left eye.

Harrison had arrived now with reinforcements just as William made another move to attack Paul. Maureen's husband Charles stepped in and swiftly wrapped his arms around William's waist hauling him backwards into the kitchen. William was fighting to get loose with everything in him and it took the help of Robert, Rebecca's husband to hold him down. Finally when it appeared William had calmed some, Robert looked over at Marjorie. "What's going on?" he asked not recognizing either of the two men.

Marjorie was already crying as she pushed past them all into the kitchen. She merely shook her head at Robert's question knowing that everything was over now. Her relationship with Paul was finished and soon, she would have to explain to her parents why William and Paul were fighting over her. Normally the situation would not have been altogether unpleasant. Two men fighting for her honor stirred some romantic notion inside of her. Right now she felt neither romantic or even particularly worthy of this kind of display. More than anything she wanted to curl up in her bed and shut out the outside world for a month or so. Instead she set about getting something for Paul's lip and for William's eye knowing that would keep her distracted for the moment.

When Robert realized that Marjorie was not going to be forthcoming with any answers, he turned to the two gentlemen involved. "I think it would be best if I asked you both to leave before you ruin this evening for everyone," he said glancing from one to the other.

It was as if the words fell on death ears. No one made a move to leave and both men turned their faces to Marjorie as if seeking her permission.

Marjorie met Paul's eyes and he saw the fear reflected there at the thought that she would face Josef alone. "I need to speak to Josef," Paul finally said to Robert though he was looking at Marjorie.

"I am afraid that is impossible at present," Robert responded.

"Then I'll wait," Paul said crossing to stand beside Marjorie. "I won't let you face him alone. We created this situation together and we will face it together."

"Thank you," Marjorie whispered knowing that this wasn't going to be easy for either one of them but her heart warmed at the thought that he cared enough to stand beside her when he could slip out the back door right now.

William wasn't sure what to do. Now that he had calmed down, the seriousness of the situation had descended upon him. He had hit a professor. He had yelled at a professor. Granted that professor had been the cause of his own personal anguish but somehow he doubted that the university would care about that.

Paul watched as William suddenly went very pale and leaned back against the kitchen counter for support. "William, "Paul said quietly, afraid of awakening the young man's anger again. "You can go. I promise there will be no repercussions from this evening."

William looked up at Paul in disbelief. "But I just…" he began but words seemed to fail him.

"We have all made mistakes," Paul reminded him as he cast a sideways glance at Marjorie. "Why don't you go on back to your dormitory and ice that eye before it swells more."

"The university," William uttered still in shock from all that had occurred and Paul's gracious attitude.

"Never needs to know about this," Paul assured him.

William stood now and drew a ragged breath. "My coat. I need to get my coat."

"I will get it for you sir," Harrison replied from somewhere over near the door. Silence filled the room as the butler departed. Robert and Charles shared looks that spoke of confusion while Marjorie let her hand find Paul's one last time. When Harrison returned, he handed William his coat and started to step back.

"Would you make sure Mr. Burke here makes it safely out through the back? And please hire him a carriage to take him home." Paul handed Harrison some coins from his pocket as he said this. Harrison nodded and stepped towards the back porch.

"Thank you," William whispered to Paul, his words fraught with emotion. He was still trying to make sense of everything that had happened and wasn't quite succeeding. Quietly he turned and followed Harrison out through the back as he wrapped his coat around him against the cold.

Marjorie turned and looked at Paul but Paul was already speaking to Robert and Charles. "Thank you both for your assistance gentleman," he began. "I know you are probably curious about this situation but we really need to speak with Josef first. I hope you understand."

"Of course," Robert confirmed taking Paul's outstretched hand and shaking it firmly. Charles still looked dumbfounded but he mirrored Robert's movements and shook Paul's hand as well.

"I wouldn't want to keep you from your lovely wives any longer," Paul assured them both and with that the two men turned and left the kitchen leaving Paul and Marjorie alone once again.

"I guess it was inevitable that something like this would happen," Marjorie whispered laying her head against Paul's shoulder.

"Let's not think about what is coming right now," Paul whispered. "In a few hours we will have to say good-bye and I want to savor every moment until then." He pulled Marjorie close as he said it, knowing that it would be hard not to think about what was coming. Looking down at Marjorie he forced a smile. "Let's dance," he whispered taking her hand in his. "How does my lip look?"

"Like someone hit it," Marjorie returned honestly.

"Is it still bleeding?"

"No, it's stopped."

"Good, let's go." With that he took Marjorie's hand and led her from the room.

* * *

There was a tradition that Michaela and Sully had developed though they hardly would have called it a tradition. Every year since Sully's arrival they would go upstairs and watch the party from one of the top steps. The first year Michaela had retreated here with Sully because everything seemed to be a little too much for him. Here he could watch with wide eyes the proceedings without actually having to be a part of them. Why they had ended up here last year, Michaela hadn't a clue but they had again retreated to this very spot. Probably because it was quieter here and they could talk about the party and make observations without worrying someone might overhear them. Michaela knew everyone and she would tell Sully interesting tales about each person if she knew any. This year when it proved hard to shake Sarah, Michaela had suggested they seek a respite in this familiar place and Sully had readily agreed.

The downstairs was brilliantly illuminated which made the upstairs even darker than normal. The pine roping hung from the banister combined with the darkness made their hiding place ideal. They could easily see someone coming up the stairs but it would be hard to see them until you were right upon them. This allowed Michaela and Sully to sit close together without concern and they took full advantage of the situation. Sully sat closest to the banister as his dark suit blended nicely with the woodwork and wouldn't be as noticeable if someone was to look up from below. Michaela sat right beside him, forgetting that she was in a very expensive dress. Her petticoats made it hard to sit on the step but she pushed them down and to the side snuggling up close to Sully and lacing her fingers though his as they watched the party unfold below.

The morning room doors were slid back and they had a clear view of the dance floor and part of the room. People spilled into the foyer as well and so there were many things to observe. Michaela moved her head to rest on Sully's shoulder so that she could see better. Her light breath tickled Sully's ear and sent small shivers down his spine. It had been awhile since they had been this close for an extended period of time and he was relishing every second of it.

It was from this vantage point that they had watched as Marjorie and Paul had snuck off alone together. "Look, there goes Marjorie and Paul," Michaela had pointed out.

"I hope they aren't forgettin' that they decided to stop seeing each other," Sully said pulling his mouth down at the corners.

"Maybe they are saying a proper good-bye to each other," Michaela suggested.

"What's a proper good-bye?" Sully asked turning to look at her.

"I don't know," Michaela replied blushing furiously at the thoughts running through her head. "I suppose something that you don't do in front of a room full of people."

Sully laughed. "More than a handshake I guess."

Michaela giggled as she noticed William following the same path William and Marjorie had taken. "What do you think he is up to?"

"Now that could be bad," Sully remarked feeling Michaela start to pull away from him. "Where are ya going?"

"To see where William is going and hopefully head him off before he encounters Paul and Marjorie shaking hands," she teased.

"Ya said we weren't gonna run interference tonight," Sully reminded her.

"I meant with Mother and Father."

Sully smiled at her and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Don't go," he whispered as he leaned into her placing a light kiss on her cheek. Michaela forgot all about her desire to follow William at that instant. Her eyes met Sully's and she felt lost in the intensity of his gaze. She released her hold on his hand only to get a better grip. Wriggling on the step she managed to bring herself right up against him as a shy smile formed on her lips. Sully watched the blush settle upon her cheeks. Excitedly he looked from her eyes to her lips and back again as he marveled at the reaction two words and a gentle kiss had elicited in her. There was something different here that he hadn't noticed before. Certainly they had been close like this in the past but tonight felt different somehow. Michaela was less like a young girl and more like a woman as he watched her demurely lower her eyes.

Then he was moving as if drawn by some invisible force. His face only inches from hers while his free hand rested on her chin tilting her head up slightly. Staring down at her Sully felt as if a damn had burst inside his chest and the small distance that separated them was quickly crossed as his lips found hers. The kisses were light and innocent but they did not stop after one. Sully found that it felt incredible to simply remain with their lips touching, not exactly kissing. Lightly he moved his head back and forth, brushing her lips with his own and reveling in the sensation. After one final light kiss, he moved away from her, opening his eyes to observe her reaction.

The blush on her cheeks had deepened and she shyly looked up at him as her lips curled up in the corners. "That was nice," she whispered surprising herself at her own boldness.

"Umm-hmm," Sully agreed finding words beyond his ability at the moment.

A laugh drifted up the stairs to them, interrupting their quiet moment. They both looked down to see Robert and Charles emerging from the dining room. "What do you think they are doing?" she asked Sully as she watched them standing close together and whispering.

"Don't know," Sully said slightly agitated that their moment had been interrupted. He wouldn't have minded a few more shared kisses. Within minutes, Marjorie and Paul emerged from the dining room as well. Even from this distance, Michaela and Sully could see Paul's swollen lip. "Wow," Sully remarked.

"Do you think William did that?"

Sully nodded his head. "Wonder what injuries William has."

Only then did it dawn on Michaela that Charles and Robert had probably broken up some sort of fight between the two boys. She looked over at Sully and saw the same look in his eyes. "Do you think?" Michaela asked her eyes wide with something akin to panic.

"I'm sure," Sully replied. "Somethin' tells me this night ain't gonna end well."

"They have to tell Father now," Michaela whispered. "You don't think Marjorie will say anything about us?"

"Nah," Sully said shaking his head. "She gave me her word."

"I'm not sure that counts for much."

"Maybe but what does she have to gain by telling Elizabeth and Josef about us?"

"Misery does love company," Michaela replied. Sully laughed at her comment and Michaela smiled when he did. "You're not worried, are you?"

"Figure it's out of our control now. Plus when they find out about Paul and Marjorie that will be a pretty big shock. Anything else is gonna pale in comparison."

Michaela snuggled up against Sully after this final remark. She rested her head on his shoulder once again. "You're probably right," she sighed pushing her worry aside and enjoying this rare moment alone with Sully.

**

* * *

****Quinn Christmas Party, December 1862**

Slowly he approached from the other side of the room his eyes never leaving her form. Michaela spied him and dashed into the foyer hoping she had lost him but knowing his pursuit would continue. Her eyes went to the top of the stairs and settled on the perfect hiding place. Picking up the skirt of her dress in both hands, she freed her feet to quickly ascend the stairs. As soon as she had entered the cover of darkness that awaited her at the top, she relaxed and took a seat on the top stair.

She knew better than to be up here. She knew that it would only serve to remind her and then upset her. Gingerly she touched the spot on the stair between herself and the banister. This is were Sully would sit she thought even though it hadn't been his spot for four years now. That didn't matter. The pain was still as fresh as if it had been yesterday. Quickly she slid over towards the banister and leaned her head against it. One lone tear ran down her face dropping onto her gown. There were other tears waiting to join that one but she wouldn't allow them to fall until later when she was safely tucked away in her room.

Her thoughts dwelt on him now, wondering where he was and what he was doing. Was he celebrating Christmas with friends? Was it possible he had taken a wife? She imagined him sitting by the fire with a girl at his side placing his hand over her blossoming belly where their child was growing. Unconsciously she raised her hand to her own abdomen and began to stroke it as the girl in her mind transformed into herself. "We would have a little boy," she whispered, smiling as she said it. "He would have your blue eyes and my crooked smile."

"Who are you talking to?" His voice startled her and she jumped. Her eyes flew open as she squinted to make out the form in front of her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," David apologized taking the seat next to her.

"That's okay," Michaela whispered hastily sliding closer to the banister and away from David.

"What were you saying?" he asked again intrigued by what he had heard.

"Nothing," Michaela answered. "I was only remembering something." She turned her head back towards the banister and glanced down at the people below.

"It's a good view from up here," David remarked leaning closer to her so that he could look down as well.

"I know," Michaela murmured wishing that he would leave her alone.

"It's quiet and secluded. The perfect place to steal a few moments with someone special." His eyes settled on her lips. She felt his hot breath against her cheek and knew that he was going to try to kiss her.

"David, I meant what I said earlier," she gently reminded him hoping that would be enough to dissuade him.

"You look beautiful tonight," David returned ignoring her statement completely. "I would like the chance to see you more."

"But you already see me everyday at the hospital," Michaela said nervously clenching her skirt in her hands. "We work together, remember?"

"I meant on a more personal basis," he said slowly moving closer to her.

Michaela considered her options at that moment. She could let him kiss her and get it over with. She could push him away again, hoping he would get the message this time. After all this was her and Sully's sacred place. No other men had the right to kiss her here. No other men had the right to kiss her at all. She would not let David have his way simply because he was persistent. Quickly she stood pushing him away in the process. "Stop it!" she yelled turning quickly and running down the hall to her bedroom. Once safely inside, she locked the door and collapsed on the bed. Hot tears stung her eyes and she let them fall. "Oh Sully," she called out into her pillow letting herself fall into despair once again.

**

* * *

****Quinn Christmas Party – December 10, 1847**

Marjorie allowed herself to relax as much as was possible with what was looming over her head. Paul barely left her side all night which did not go unobserved by Elizabeth, though Josef had stopped keeping tabs on them after the early part of the evening. It was only when Josef went looking for Paul to bring him into a discussion that he found the two of them together.

"Paul," he said clasping him warmly on the back. Paul turned to look at him taking a deep breath as he did so. "My God man, what happened to your lip?"

"Ran into someone's fist unfortunately," Paul said trying to lighten the tension that was already forming.

"Here tonight?" Josef asked trying to remember if he had noticed this earlier in the evening.

Paul nodded. "Yes, I am afraid so."

"I didn't know there were any heated discussions going on at the party tonight," Josef teased. "You should have found me. You know how I love a nice heated discussion."

Paul gave him a weak smile. "I'm afraid you might not have enjoyed this one." Josef gave him a confused look. "I need to talk to you about it later," Paul said quickly.

"We can go now," Josef offered.

"No, please enjoy the party. It will keep," Paul assured him.

"Okay," Josef said clasping him on the back once more. "I was looking for you because Johnson's all steamed up over some new policy at the University. I thought you might be able to lend something to the discussion."

"I will but I promised Marjorie a dance first."

Josef nodded. "Join us when you're done." And with that he was gone. Both Paul and Marjorie breathed a sigh of relief but they knew it was to be short lived. The end of the party was coming and there was nothing either could do to stop it.

* * *

Guests were beginning to leave and Elizabeth knew it was time to make her way to the door but she needed to see Josef first. Michaela and Sully were with him over near the mantle as Elizabeth made her way over to the small group.

"I think it was time the two of you headed up to bed," Elizabeth said turning first to Michaela and Sully.

"But everyone isn't even gone yet," Michaela protested. Her mother cast a disapproving glance at her daughter as Josef chuckled softly.

"They soon will be," Elizabeth said in response.

"Go on," Josef encouraged them. "I'll come up and say good night in a little while."

Michaela let out a sigh in protest but turned and started towards the stairs with Sully following behind. Josef started to walk towards the door figuring Elizabeth's presence meant it was time for good-byes. Her hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Wait a minute," she said pulling him back and coming in close to his side. "Have you noticed who Marjorie has been with all evening?"

"She was with Everett earlier and then I saw her dancing with Paul at some point."

"Paul," Elizabeth repeated. "She has spent most of the evening with Paul." Josef raised his eyebrows considering what she had said. "It seems earlier, Robert and Charles broke up a fight between Paul and William which Marjorie was a witness to."

Josef felt his ire already beginning to rise. "Paul said he needed to talk to me about something. Do you think Marjorie has been seeing him?" Josef asked the obvious.

Elizabeth nodded as she exhaled slowly. "I am going to talk to him," Josef said already starting off in Paul's direction.

"Later," Elizabeth said stopping him again. "We need to say good-bye to our guests first."

"You come over here and tell me this, get me all riled up and then remind me about our guests," Josef replied angrily.

"Don't cause a scene Josef," Elizabeth chided him. "Finish your role as host and then we will deal with this new information." Her voice was calm and even making Josef relax a little. He nodded at her and turned to walk towards the door with Elizabeth in his wake.

It seemed to take forever for the house to clear out or maybe it was simply Josef's impatience. He continually kept glancing over at his daughter and Paul feeling his anger growing with each look. Elizabeth would remind him every few minutes to concentrate on the task at hand but he was finding it continually difficult.

Upstairs, Michaela and Sully had slipped out of their clothes and into pajamas before taking their seats upon the stairs once more. They too had realized that something big was coming and they wanted to be close by in case their names were somehow brought into the discussion by Marjorie. Anxiously they waited, watching as people drifted out in clumps after stopping to thank Josef and Elizabeth for a delightful evening.

Finally the door had closed on the last guest. Marjorie stood near Paul by the foyer doors as Josef turned to look at them. The tension in the air was palpable and Sully heard Michaela suck in a sharp breath. Quickly he took her hand in his own, lacing their fingers together as they brace themselves for what was about to happen.

"I want to know everything," Josef said his voice surprisingly calm.

Marjorie started to speak but Paul stopped her. "This summer Marjorie and I spent time together while she watched Claudia for me. We found we enjoyed each other's company." Paul stopped here trying to gage Josef's reaction but his face gave nothing away. Taking a deep breath he continued. "We never intended for anything to come of it. It was simply a friendship. Marjorie came to see me one day when she was on her way to visit William at Harvard. She wanted to ask about Claudia." Again Paul stopped as a slight quiver crept into his voice.

Upstairs, Sully and Michaela exchanged looks knowing that Josef was receiving the edited version of the story that left out how Marjorie shamelessly threw herself at him.

"And?" Josef said his voice sounding angrier now.

"And we started talking. Marjorie agreed to be a model for a new painting I was working on." Paul stopped here as if that was the entire story. Truthfully he didn't know how to continue from this point and he looked at Marjorie for help.

"I broke up with William then," Marjorie said weakly looking at her mother instead of her father while she spoke. "I was falling in love with Paul and I wanted to be free so that he could court me."

"Court you," Josef repeated sarcastically.

"Josef," Elizabeth interjected so far not seeing anything to be too upset about. "I know Marjorie has been lying to us but I don't have a problem with Paul calling on Marjorie."

"He's married," Josef said matter of factly not turning to look at his wife.

"What?" Elizabeth exclaimed as her mouth flew open in shock. Her hands clutched at her skirt and her eyes grew wide.

"Did he tell you that Marjorie?" Josef asked. "Did he bother to tell you he was married?"

"I knew," she answered.

"What?" Elizabeth said again. Her face turned ashen with the new revelation that her daughter was pursuing a married man.

"We aren't going to see each other," Paul quickly said trying to diffuse the situation. "We decided that it wasn't appropriate."

"I should say not," Elizabeth exclaimed.

Paul turned to look at Elizabeth. "You don't understand. My wife is in a mental institution."

"That doesn't excuse your behavior," Josef reminded him.

"No, it doesn't. I had thought about divorcing her when I realized that I had feelings for Marjorie but like I said Marjorie and I have decided not to see each other after all."

"But it was okay to sneak around with her for over a month!" Josef yelled as he completely let go of his anger flinging it across the room at Paul. "You were supposed to be my friend. This is my daughter!"

"I know," Paul said. "Thing were so complicated though."

"Complicated?" Josef questioned.

"Father, please," Marjorie begged him. "Nothing happened between us and we are trying to make things right."

"Right! You aren't trying to make things right. You got caught!"

Marjorie's eyes widened in fear because she wasn't sure what her father was referring to when he said the word caught. Had Sully told on them? Swallowing hard, she looked at her father. "What do you mean caught?" she asked dreading the answer.

"William caught you sneaking off alone together tonight and he got into a fight with Paul. Robert and Charles told your mother about it."

"Josef I swear it's not like that. Marjorie and I went off alone to talk – to say good bye to each other. William stumbled upon us and assumed the worse."

"Elizabeth, take your daughter upstairs," Josef said in a commanding tone.

The words stung Marjorie as if Josef had disowned her with that one statement. "No father, don't make me leave." Marjorie fixed her feet firmly on the ground ready for the fight she knew was coming.

"Marjorie, listen to your father," Paul said gently. She turned and looked at him as tears began to well up in her eyes. "Go on," he encouraged.

Hesitantly she walked towards the stairs, turning once to wave good bye to Paul. Michaela and Sully ran for their rooms when they realized that Marjorie was on her way up. Elizabeth followed close behind her and pushed her on when she stopped on the top stair tempted to turn around once more. Marjorie knew that her father wasn't done with her yet but right now her only concern was for Paul.

"I trusted you," Josef began. "I placed my children in your hands and you pay me by seducing my daughter."

"Josef it wasn't like that. I love Marjorie. I never would have…"

"What exactly has been going on between the two of you for the last month?"

"She was modeling for me," Paul explained leaving out the physical part of their relationship.

"You've never kissed her?"

"We have kissed."

"Oh god!" Josef exclaimed. "She is my daughter, Paul. My daughter! How would you feel if someone did this to Claudia?"

"Why do you think I am breaking it off with her? Why do you think I told her we could never see each other again?"

"It should never have gotten to that point Paul! Never!" Josef's voice carried through the entire house. Marjorie pulled the covers over her head when she heard it. Sully pressed his ear closer to the door while Michaela felt goose bumps form on her arms at his tone. "Does Sully know about the two of you?"

"Yes," Paul answered weakly not understanding the situation he was creating for Sully.

Josef could take no more. "Get out!" he screamed at Paul. "Get out of my house!"

"Josef let's be rational," Paul said already starting for the door.

"No! Get out before I split the other side of your lip," he threatened. "And stay away from my children. If I ever see you near one of them again, I will have you dismissed from Harvard faster than you can turn around."

Paul backed to the door knowing that Josef's threat was one he actually had enough clout to pull off. "I'm sorry," he whispered but Josef had already turned away from him. Quickly he slipped out pulling the door closed behind him.

Josef started up the steps and headed down to Marjorie's room where Elizabeth stood outside the door. "Perhaps is would be better if you talked to her in the morning after you have calmed down some," she suggested.

"Move," Josef ordered her, his anger still unabated. Elizabeth stepped aside but followed him into the room. Crossing to the bed, Josef ripped back the covers. "How long Marjorie? How long had you been seeing him?"

"A little over a month," she whispered covering her face with her hands.

"Did you ever stop to consider how this would affect anyone but yourself? He is a married man Marjorie!"

"But his wife is crazy!" Marjorie exclaimed trying to defend herself.

"It's still adultery!" Josef returned. "What is going on inside your head?"

"I don't know," Marjorie whispered as the tears fell fast down her cheeks.

Josef softened slightly and he turned to look at Elizabeth. She raised her eyebrows at him as if to say let it be. "You will not leave this house without a chaperone. You will receive no gentlemen callers. You will have no spending money. You will volunteer at the orphanage on the days that I am there doing medical work. Is that clear?"

"For how long?" Marjorie asked and then instantly regretted it.

"Until I deem it is no longer necessary," Josef returned. "And if you even think about putting one toe out of line, I will send you away!" With that he turned and left the room, leaving Marjorie shaking and sobbing.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-seven**

**Boston – December 10, 1847**

Elizabeth followed Josef out of Marjorie's room and closed the door behind her. She watched as Josef turned and walked in the opposite direction of their bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To say good night to Michaela and Sully," he replied his voice monotone and flat leaving the impression that all the life had been drained out of him.

"Do you think that is a good idea?" Elizabeth asked knowing that Josef was out of sorts.

He turned around to face her quickly. "I need this." His eyes met Elizabeth's and she nodded her head as if to say that she understood. Josef turned again walking past Michaela's door to Sully's and gently knocked.

Sully sat on the edge of his bed staring at the door, afraid of what was coming. He had heard Paul acknowledge that he knew about the relationship. Sully could only imagine how angry Josef would be that Sully had known and not told him. Never had Sully seen Josef so angry and he knew that he was to be the recipient of that anger next. That fear petrified him so that even when he opened his mouth to tell Josef to come in nothing came out.

When Josef did not receive an answer he pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the room. "Sully," he said gently as the young man before him turned to meet his eyes.

"Yes, sir," Sully said standing ready to take his punishment.

Josef was taken back by Sully's use of the word sir and the scared expression he saw on Sully's face. Holding Sully's gaze in his own, he tried to get a read on what was going through his mind. "Do you want to talk to me?" Josef asked.

His voice seemed so gentle and warm. This was not what Sully had been expecting at all and he looked at him questioningly. "Sir?" he asked deciding he had misheard him.

"Paul told me that you knew about their relationship," Josef said his eyes never leaving Sully's.

"Are ya upset with me?" Sully finally asked unsure of how to proceed.

"Upset? No, I'm not upset," Josef assured Sully. "Not with you anyway. I do wish you could have come to me and told me. I'm sorry you didn't feel able to," Josef apologized, his words full of understanding.

"I was upset with Paul," Sully began finding understanding in the one place he hadn't expected to find any. Finally someone besides Michaela realized that this situation had been upsetting for him.

"I'm sure." Josef sat down on the edge of Sully's bed and encouraged him to do the same. "Did you know he was married?"

"He told me this summer," Sully admitted his face dropping as he said it.

"Sully what Paul did was wrong," Josef began.

"I know."

Josef gently laid his hand on Sully's shoulder. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself knowing that what he needed to say to Sully was important. "I want to make sure you understand. There are men in this world who take marriage very lightly. I don't want you to. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You don't always feel like loving the other person especially if you happen to be angry or fighting. That doesn't mean you turn away from that person or even worse turn to someone else. Everyday, Sully, we are faced with choices. In marriage we have to choose to continue to love even when it's hard to do so, even when we're angry or hurt."

"But Paul's wife can't love him back. She's not angry or mad at him, she's crazy." Sully said trying hard to apply what Josef had said to Paul's situation.

"Does that make it right for Paul to stop loving and caring about her?" Josef asked.

Sully thought for a moment. In some ways, he thought it was unfair that Paul should be so unhappy. Paul had told them this summer that he had loved his wife deeply. Does that kind of love change and go away? Would he stop loving Michaela if she no longer could love him? He shivered at the thought but knew the answer immediately. "No," he whispered. "She needs him to love her more than ever."

Josef squeezed the young man's shoulder at these words. "A husband and a father needs to think of his family first in every situation."

"Paul didn't think about Claudia," Sully replied.

"No, I don't think he did," Josef agreed. "I know he has been sort of a friend for you but I don't think it would be a good idea for you to continue taking art lessons from him."

Sully nodded. "I'm not sure I want to anyway," he admitted. A silence settled between them while Josef waited giving Sully a chance to say anything else he might need to express. "He let me down," Sully finally whispered.

"I know," Josef said bringing his arm around Sully in sort of a half hug. "I'm sorry that happened." Sully nodded his head and gave Josef a weak smile. "Please don't ever feel like you can't come and talk to me about something that is bothering you." Sully nodded, guilt overtaking him as he thought once again about Michaela. "I suppose I better say good night. It's been a long day for all of us and I still need to tuck in Michaela." Sully laughed. "What's so funny?" Josef asked as he stood up so Sully could get into bed.

"I don't know," Sully muttered.

"Yes, you do," Josef returned. "What is it?"

"I guess Michaela seems kind of big to be tucking in."

"I suppose you are right but one day you'll see. When they are your babies, you want them to stay little forever so you can keep tucking them in." He smiled down at Sully as he said this giving him a light pat on the head. Pulling the blanket up over the young man, he wished once again that Sully would permit the adoption. "Good night, Sully."

"Night," Sully yawned as he turned over onto his side. With that, Josef left the room closing the door quietly behind him.

As the knob clicked back into place, Sully felt relief flood through his body. A great sense of peace came upon him and he laid there relishing it. Seeing Josef upset had shaken him to his very core but knowing that none of that anger was directed at him was comforting. Turning over Michaela's face came to his mind. Although Sully knew there was a possibility that Josef would be upset with him in the future, he vowed to try to not let that happen. He would be the kind of man Josef had described. Michaela would always come first and when Josef saw that, he would embrace Sully as the kind of man he wanted with his daughter.

* * *

Michaela had heard Marjorie's door close and the conversation of her mother and father as they stood in the hall. She had heard her father's feet walk past her door. Holding her breath, she had listened, waiting for Josef's angry voice to speak Sully's name. One hand was on the door knob ready to run to his defense if it became necessary. She had heard Josef's final words to Marjorie about being sent away if she misbehaved and Michaela imagined that as Sully's fate. Her heart hammered in her chest while she waited. Yet no angry words could be heard. There were no shouts or harsh tones. Pressing her ear to the door she strained hard to hear anything but no sounds traveled down to her. 

Hope rose up in her chest as she considered the possibility that her father was not angry with Sully. She would not let that hope take over yet but still it remained there growing stronger with every moment that passed. No one had laid a fire in her room and the night was chilly. The hardwood floor was cold against her bare feet but still she stood like a sentry at the door in case the fireworks had yet to begin. After a few more moments had passed without any incident, she gave in and retired to her bed quickly sliding underneath the covers. The bed pan that was usually placed there by Martha to warm the sheets had been skipped tonight as well but still the sheer number of blankets warmed Michaela quickly.

A light knock came to her door making her heart jump. "Come in," she called anxiously craning her neck to see who would appear in her doorway.

Josef peaked around the door smiling at her. Michaela swallowed hard. His face held no signs of anger or his eyes any traces of animosity, yet still Michaela held her breath wondering what had transpired in Sully's room. "I wanted to say good night," he said coming to sit on the edge of her bed.

"You aren't angry at Sully, are you father?" she asked her eyes full of curiosity.

"No Mike, I'm not," he answered relieving her fears.

"Thank you," she said wrapping her arms around his torso. Josef thought her behavior slightly strange but he quickly returned the hug.

Slowly he pulled back observing her face and smiling. "I came to tuck you in but Sully informed me that you're too big to be tucked in. What do you think?"

Michaela blushed slightly as he asked, not because she was embarrassed by this question but because it felt as if she had to choose between her father and Sully. One thought of her as his little girl while the other considered her his girl in a completely different way. Truthfully sometimes she still felt like a little girl but in general she did not wish to be regarded that way. Looking up at her father with her crooked smile she answered, "He does have a point. I am going to be fifteen in two months."

"Fifteen?" Josef said acting as if he was shocked.

This made Michaela giggle. "Father," she chided in the way a young lady gently speaks to her father when he is acting too silly for her liking.

"All my girls are growing up. I guess you have to grow up too." Josef brushed her hair back out of her face as he said this. Inside he knew what he wanted her to say in response. Anxiously he looked at her wondering what she was thinking.

Again, Michaela felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. What did her father expect her to say to that? Of course she was growing up. It wasn't like she had any control over that. Yet she was wise enough to realize that her father's need to see her tonight as a little girl had more to do with how he felt about the Marjorie situation than anything else. Even though it made her cringe to say what she knew he needed to hear, she said it anyway. "I'll always be your little girl."

Josef felt happiness flood his body. Here was his daughter- the one who would follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. The one he would bring into his practice. Already in his mind, he could see her sitting across from him at a partner's desk. They would ride to the hospital together in the morning and home in the evening. "I love you, Mike," he said, a single tear slipping down his cheek as he pulled her into another embrace.

"I love you too," she replied enfolding her father in her arms as she felt the weight of his own troubles for a moment. When he pulled back she smiled. "Good night," she whispered as he stood and pulled the covers up around her, tucking her in as if she was five instead of fourteen.

"Good night Mike," Josef returned as he started over towards the door. Already Michaela was dimming the light on the bedside table. Slowly Josef closed the door behind him, standing there in the hallway by himself for a moment. At the far end of the hall, his own room beckoned to him. His body felt exhausted yet sleep still seemed a long way off. Raising his right hand he placed it on Michaela's door feeling grateful for a daughter who reminded him of his own mother. Even if he had failed his other girls in some way, he would never fail Michaela. She would not grow up to be an uppity socialite whose only concern was what dress to wear and whether her hat was the latest fashion. Already he saw the marks of who she would be as a grown women and he concentrated on that as he forced himself down the hall to his waiting bed.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 24, 1847**

For the rest of that week and right up until Christmas, Josef seemed enamored of Sully and Michaela. Marjorie's deception made him angry but the thought that she knowingly was seeing a married man made him feel as though he had failed her as a parent. Certainly he had never put as much stock into religion as his wife had but that didn't mean Josef placed a low value on good morals. In fact the opposite was quite true for him and one of the reasons he dislike organized religion was because he found most people rather hypocritical. That is why the notion that one of his children could do something he considered vile was hard for him to take and he wished not to be reminded of it. Michaela and Sully became his occupation instead. He had given up lecturing Marjorie and truthfully they barely spoke except to say a hurried greeting in passing.

As for Marjorie, the disappointment she saw in her father's eyes every time she looked at him was heart rendering. Every day her mother insisted on taking her to confession and every day Marjorie went. The priest absolved her of her guilt and for a brief period of time each day Marjorie stopped feeling guilty but all it took was one look in her father's eyes to remind her that she was in fact just as guilty as ever. Even when Elizabeth stopped insisting on attending confession daily, Marjorie still went. There was a sweet relief for her when the priest told her she was forgiven and she dreamed that her own father would say the same words someday soon. There was familiarity and peace in praying the rosary in the same pew each day. In addition the trips to the church and back were her one and only chance to leave the house and so she took full advantage of them.

And so it was that Christmas Eve began. Michaela and Sully were in high spirits feeling especially favored by Josef while Marjorie remained in a state of upset even on this joyful occasion. Now Christmas Eve had always been a special time at the Quinn house and this year was no exception. The whole family would gather at their Beacon Hill home for a huge dinner celebration. Gifts were usually exchanged as part of the celebration especially if one of the daughters was spending Christmas day with their in-laws. After dinner and gift exchange, they would gather in the morning room to sing a few carols and then Josef would read from "A Christmas Carol" until it was time to go to Midnight Mass.

When Michaela woke up on Christmas Eve morning, she sat up in bed and took a deep breath. The fire in her room was lit and though the room was not yet warm, it had taken the chill out of the air. Last night they had decorated the tree that had been placed in a corner of the morning room. Each ornament held a story and Michaela loved listening to her parents recall them as she tried her hardest to commit them to memory. Someday she wanted to be able to tell her children the stories as they hung each ornament on the tree. A commotion from next door got her out of bed and she slipped on her robe before opening her door and stepping into the hall. The hall was deserted and so she ran the short distance to Sully's room and knocked.

"Just a minute," Sully called and within a moment he had opened the door.

"Good morning," Michaela said casually leaning against the door frame. Sully stood there in just his pajama bottoms which made Michaela smile. "Even in winter?" she asked.

"What?" Sully said giving her a confused look.

"You don't wear a shirt even in winter?"

Sully gave her a little half smirk. "Of course I wear one. I just took it off before I opened the door cause I know you like to see me like this."

Michaela blushed furiously at Sully's insinuation. "Byron Sully!" she yelled surprising herself at using his full name. She covered her mouth with her hand as Sully's eyes grew wide at the use of his first name. "Sorry," she said hastily as a fit of giggles erupted from her mouth.

"Ya think that's funny, do ya?" Michaela simply nodded as she couldn't control the laughter that now poured forth from her. Sully turned and went back into the room with Michaela trailing behind. Grabbing a pillow off the bed, he turned around and whacked her with it harder then he meant to. Michaela was caught off guard and fell to the floor with a shocked look on her face. It was now Sully's turn to offer a hasty apology before he erupted in his own fit of laughter.

Michaela was undaunted and before Sully had fully recovered Michaela was up grabbing a different pillow. Sully turned to run but Michaela was quick and thumped him as hard as she could on the back. The fight was now on in earnest and in between bursts of laughter, loud thumps could be heard as the pillows continually found their marks. Their merriment could be heard from out in the hall and it wasn't long until Josef had stuck his head in the door to see what was going on. He laughed as Michaela took aim at Sully knocking him squarely in the stomach. Both of them stopped abruptly at this laugh and turned towards the door, their faces wide with an unspoken fear. The expression they found on Josef's face was not one of anger but amusement and they each relaxed.

Josef had something else in mind and so quickly he crossed to the bed grabbing his own pillow and joining in the ruckus. Within moments one of the pillows had burst and feathers were flying throughout the room while the three of them collapsed in cacophonies of laughter. The noise eventually brought Elizabeth up the stairs and she stood in Sully's door looking at the mess disapprovingly. From her vantage point, she could not see Josef and so she began to yell at Michaela and Sully.

"What is going on in here?" she exclaimed looking around the floor at the feathers that lay scattered all about. "I don't believe you two are messing up decent feather pillows by fighting with them like a bunch of children!" Then her eyes saw the shirtless Sully and she turned even redder. "Sully, where is your pajama shirt?" she said indignantly.

It was at that moment that Josef made his presence known by quickly leaping over the bed and rushing the door as if he were a teenager rather than a middle aged man. His hands were raised over his head with a pillow held firmly in them. Bringing it down, he bopped her soundly on the head. "Merry Christmas Elizabeth," he sang out pulling the pillow back again.

"Josef Quinn! I am surprised," she exclaimed. "You're the biggest child of them all." Her face was screwed up in a grimace showing no signs of teasing or amusement.

"Don't be such a Scrooge," Josef teased. "After all it is Christmas Eve. Is there anything wrong with a little mischief?"

Elizabeth turned her nose up but her lips twitched upward in a smile. "Well if anyone is plans on getting dressed and joining the real world, breakfast is ready downstairs," she said before giving Josef a little shake of her head. As she turned, Josef could not resist one last thump and brought the pillow down on her backside causing Elizabeth to jump. "Josef! The children," she chided. Josef simply raised his eyebrows at her and smiled widely.

Once Elizabeth was gone he turned back to Michaela and Sully. "Okay you two better get dressed before she sends in reinforcements." He turned to head towards the door but then stopped suddenly as an idea struck him. Looking back at them he asked, "Do you want to go with me to the orphanage today? I need to drop off some presents and check on a few children."

Michaela looked over at Sully and they both smiled. "Sure," Michaela said turning towards Josef.

"Good, I will enjoy the company." With that he turned, headed out the door and down the stairs.

Sully looked over at Michaela who was splayed out beside him on the bed. Her hair was pulled back loosely and little wisps had fallen out during the fray. The pieces framed her face giving her an almost angelic look. The robe she wore over her nightgown was open revealing the delicate white nightgown below. Flushed cheeks and eyes sparkling with amusement only added to her beauty leaving Sully feeling awestruck. Gently he reached over and tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear.

The feel of Sully's fingers on the delicate flesh of her earlobe made goose bumps appear on Michaela's neck. Turning her head to the side, she smiled at him – the little crooked smile that he loved so much. "You look like an angel," Sully said trying to convey what was in his heart to her.

Michaela pressed her lips together trying to hold in her laughter but Sully knew what she was doing and turned his head feeling silly. Her hand quickly came up to touch his shoulder and he turned back to look at her with confusion written in his eyes. "I didn't mean to laugh," she explained. "It's just that everyone always thinks of angels as being girls but they're not."

"What do ya mean?" Sully asked.

"In the Bible, all the angels are men. Gabriel comes to Mary and tells her about Jesus. And Michael wrestles with Jacob. They're all boys." Michaela smiled as she said this seeing the amusement written in Sully's eyes. "What?"

"Nothin'," Sully answered casually as he raised himself up off the bed.

"Tell me," she insisted following him to the door.

"I'm sittin' there thinkin' about how beautiful ya look. Then I try to tell ya but ya turn it into some kind of lesson." Michaela's face fell as the words left his mouth and Sully instantly regretted telling her. "Hey, I love when ya do that," he said trying to cover himself.

Michaela raised her head. "No you don't," she returned teasingly.

"Sure, I do," Sully assured her looking longingly at her lips.

Michaela saw the look in his eyes and immediately knew what he was thinking about. Leaning closer to him she whispered into his ear. "Maybe tonight we can .."

Her words were interrupted as Elizabeth called up the stairs once again. "Michaela! Sully! Hurry up!"

Michaelapulled away. "Hold that thought,"Sully said before Michaeladashed down the hall to her own room to get dressed.

* * *

After Josef, Sully and Michaela returned from the orphanage, Elizabeth had insisted that Sully and Michaela go upstairs to rest since tonight would be a long night and she didn't want either of them to doze off at midnight mass. Michaela grumbled about being treated like a child all the way up the steps but she retired to her room for an hour or so to make her mother happy. Josef retreated into his library to look over some work he had brought home but he had not been in their long when he heard the door open. Looking up from his desk, he watched as Marjorie entered the room. 

"Father, may I speak with you?" she asked her eyes lowered to the floor.

"Okay," Josef said setting down the file he held in his hands.

Slowly Marjorie made her way across the room until she stood in front of her father's desk. Nervously she twisted the material of her skirt in her hands, taking several deep breaths before she began to speak. "I know what I did was wrong and I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am…"

Josef interrupted Marjorie here. "Sorry you got caught or sorry you started this relationship in the first place?" His voice was icy and Marjorie grew fearful that her father would not give her the forgiveness she so desperately needed.

"Sorry I ever started the relationship," she answered meekly. Silence ensued and so Marjorie assumed it was now safe to continue. "I wanted to ask for your forgiveness," she said her voice barely audible.

Josef considered her for a moment, leaning back in his chair as he did so. "You have my forgiveness. It's my trust you will need to earn back," Josef answered his voice a little more welcoming than earlier.

His words filled Marjorie with some degree of hope and she looked up at him for the first time since she had entered the room. "I will work to earn back your trust," she returned her voice full of sincerity. Slowly, she went around Josef's desk. He stood and took her small frame in his arms, hugging her to himself. "I'm sorry," she wailed as tears began to fall fast and heavy.

"It's okay," Josef soothed as the warmth returned at least momentarily. "The consequences still stand though. Our decisions always have consequences," Josef reminded her. Marjorie shook her head as she began to sniffle. "I love you," Josef assured her before she had a chance to wiggle away from him.

"I love you too," she returned turning to leave the room. Already she felt as if a tremendous burden had been lifted from her shoulders. Quickly she made her way to the library door but before she left she faced Josef once again to say, "Thank you." She knew all was not repaired but it felt like a start.

"You're welcome," Josef replied wondering if this was all an act or if Marjorie truly was sorry. Time would tell he knew and so he decided to believe that she was sincere until it proved out differently.

**

* * *

****Boston – April 1866**

"So is this how it's going to be again? The silent treatment?"

Josef still did not open his mouth but continued to stare straight ahead. His eyes seemed to be looking out the window but Michaela knew he was simply avoiding looking at her. It didn't matter; she had been through this before and now she knew how to face it.

"I'm not a child anymore father. The same tactics won't work. I remember wishing you would yell at me and get it over with. But instead I had to endure months of disappointed looks, months of being ignored as if I didn't exist and months of your unspoken anger until I finally relented making myself miserable in order to make you happy." She paused here hoping her speech would get some rise out of Josef but he still acted as if he heard nothing. "That won't happen again. He has asked me to marry him and I have said yes. I love him and there is nothing you can do that is going to change that. I tried to run away from that love to please you but I couldn't escape it. He is good to me father. He loves me and respects me as a doctor."

Michaela glanced over at her father again and noticed a single tear running down his cheek. She had no idea what the tear was for – whether it was a good sign or a bad sign. The thought that she was upsetting him while he was still recovering from his recent illness made her feel slightly guilty.

"I love you too, father. I love you very much. Nothing will ever change that but you can't dictate how I'm going to live my life. Your bringing me into this world does not give you that right. I know I'm hurting you all over again and I wish to God I didn't have to." Michaela approached him now still unsure if she was doing the right thing. "We are leaving for Colorado tomorrow," she began gently laying her hand on his shoulder. "Please forgive me," she whispered, "for keeping so many secrets from you. Please find it in your heart to forgive both of us for whatever wrongs you perceive we have committed against you. And know that we want to offer you the same forgiveness."

Still he did not make a move to look at her or even acknowledge her presence. After a moment Michaela turned to go but stopped when she heard him begin to speak. "I have forgiven you," he whispered, "but there are always consequences to our decisions. You now have to live with those consequences."

**

* * *

****Boston – December 24, 1847**

Sometime that afternoon while Sully and Michaela rested, a light snow began to fall. It did not deter the family from arriving late that afternoon as it was still mostly flurries at that point in time. No one noticed when it became heavy but after dinner when Charles looked outside the streets had been blanketed. There were discussions held about whether to leave or stay but in the end no one wanted to leave a warm comfy house to go out into what was fast becoming a raging snowstorm. This left the house full and Elizabeth, though ecstatic over the fact that the whole family would be staying the night, was running around like crazy trying to establish where everyone would sleep.

Midnight mass was out of the question now as well but it did not deter anyone from staying up late to hear Josef read from _A Christmas Carol_. During the story, Elizabeth had served eggnog that Martha had made earlier that day. Soon all the adult's faces were glowing with holiday cheer and the laughter in the room increased two-fold. Everyone sat together talking jovially and reminiscing about Christmas' past. The grandchildren that hadn't fallen asleep were reveling in the fact that they could make as much noise as they wanted without the disapproving looks from their parents who were distracted by their own merriment.

The chaos was what allowed Michaela and Sully to sneak away. They had been sitting across the room from each other. Rebecca sat next to Michaela eagerly chatting about Michaela's school and private studies. Yet the conversation had quickly fallen by the wayside when Rebecca's turn to hold baby Charles came due. It was then that Michaela had smiled at Sully and with a gentle nod of the head had managed to communicate wordlessly what they both were thinking.

Sully exited the room first, climbing the stairs two at a time in his excitement. He took his seat on the top step just as they had on the night of the Christmas party. Raising his fingers to his lips, he began to gently run them back and forth along the surface as memories of the night spent here at the Christmas party flooded his mind. How was it possible that Michaela's lips brushing against his created a totally different sensation then his own fingers mimicking the exact same motion? There seemed to be an urgency rising up inside of him as he continued thinking about her. Anxiously, he looked for her form at the bottom of the stairs. He didn't have to wait long. Every step brought her closer to him and he felt mesmerized by her movements. Michaela held one hand behind her back as she walked, peaking Sully's curiosity.

"What's behind your back?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"A surprise," Michaela whispered in reply. She wasted no time in sitting down close to him and concealing the item from his view. Sully took a deep breath allowing the scent of her hair to wash over his body. Sensually, Michaela raised her hand to stroke his cheek. Sully began removing the pins that held her hair in place making a neat pile of them on the floor. As his fingertips gazed the sensitive skin of her scalp, tingles shot through her body and goose bumps came to the surface on her neck and arms. Once he had pulled out all the pins, he started to run his fingers through her long locks. Michaela leaned into him, placing her head against his chest as he combed out her hair with his fingers.

Michaela felt so relaxed that she actually caught herself drifting off to sleep. Shaking her head to rouse herself, she pulled away slightly from Sully looking up at him again. "That was nice," she said demurely as a wide grin spread over Sully's face at her encouragement.

Reaching down behind her back, she brought out the object she had concealed earlier. Sully looked down at it, smiling even broader when he saw what it was. "Mistletoe," he said approvingly. Michaela nodded and held it above her head. With one quick glance downstairs to make sure everyone was still occupied, Sully then turned his full attention to Michaela. In a repeat of the Christmas party, he brought his lips to rest on hers placing light kisses on and around her lips. He knew things could go no further than this and so he pulled back after one final kiss. Wrapping his arms around her, he drew Michaela to himself again which suited her to a tee.

From somewhere downstairs, a clock began to chime midnight and Michaela looked up at Sully. "Merry Christmas," she whispered a sly smile gracing her face.

"Merry Christmas," Sully returned laying his head against the top of hers.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!_


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-eight**

**Maryland – June 21, 1848**

Michaela sat on the deck of the sailboat as the wind whipped through her hair. It was the perfect day for sailing – a bright summer sun in a crystal clear blue sky and the right amount of wind. The wind pushed at the white sails puffing them out to capacity as the boat cut through the waters of the bay drawing ever closer to the river. Michaela knew exactly how fortunate she was to be sitting here heading to Anna's house. She also knew that she owed that stroke of good luck to her sister Rebecca who sat at the back of the sailboat with Anne beside her and holding Robert in her lap. Without her presence here, Elizabeth would never have agreed to let Sully and her come.

Sully was up helping John as they brought the boat around to enter the river. Michaela watched him as he helped bring the mainsail around and she smiled to herself. Already she had noticed subtle changes in his physique. He had shot up at least six inches since Christmas and was now noticeably taller than Michaela. His arms were more defined than before as was his chest. In general he was stronger and growing stronger everyday. On the last day of school, he had literally picked her up and carried her across the Common after an extended chase. That had surprised Michaela and she reveled in the way his arms felt around her – it was no longer only an emotional safeness she felt inside of them but a physical safeness as well.

Marjorie had been offered the chance to come but she had turned it down. Anna's house still held too many painful memories for her and she knew that coming would only remind her of last summer and Paul. Finally she had begun to heal from everything that had happened and she didn't want to risk falling back into the depression that had gripped her for most of the winter months. Besides Michaela's tutor, Everett had begun to take a concentrated interest in Marjorie during the spring and though Marjorie was taking things slow, she still enjoyed the attention immensely.

When the boat was safely in the river and their course was sure, Sully joined Michaela on the bow. Right now his skin was still awfully pale from a mild Boston spring but Michaela knew within a week's time the sun would ripen him to a golden brown. Again she had that feeling that there was something about him that felt older and more mature. It was this same something that made Michaela nervous in a way she hadn't been in ages.

"Beautiful day," Sully remarked staring off towards the horizon.

"Yes it is," Michaela replied looking over at him and noticing the same forlorn look she had seen earlier on the train. "Did you bring your paints?" Michaela asked. "I bet the marsh would look beautiful in this light." Sully shook his head but did not meet her eyes. This did not surprise Michaela. He had painted only a handful of times since Christmas though he still sketched often. She knew it had something to do with the loss of Paul as his encourager and no matter how hard she tried to get him to pick up a paint brush, he always had an excuse. "Are you alright?" she asked in a low voice letting her eyes roam over his face.

He turned to look at her giving her a weak smile. "Yeah," he replied casually,holding her gaze in his own.

Michaela saw the troubled expression that contradicted his words and she took a deep breath knowing she needed to choose her next words carefully. "Will you tell me what's troubling you?"

Sully sighed. "That's the problem. I don't exactly know. I have this sense that things just ain't right."

"Things aren't right? At Anna's?" Michaela was confused by Sully's statement.

"I don't know. Just got this feeling that something bad is gonna happen."

"You just feel that way because of last summer. This summer will be totally different. Rebecca is nothing like Marjorie. I know you haven't ever really had a chance to know her but you'll see. Robert and Anne are nothing like Claudia. It will actually be fun to play with them," she laughed as she said this last part and Sully smiled as he watched her face light up. "Don't forget Anna says she is back to her old self again. You'll see, Sully, this summer is going to be the best one yet."

"I hope so," Sully replied trying to shake the uneasiness that had settled upon him ever since they had changed trains in New York.

Michaela could see the cloud settling back over his face and more than anything she wanted to make it go away. The thing that frustrated her was that she knew how to dispel it. In the past few months she had become acutely aware of how to soothe him without speaking a word. If they were alone, she would sit behind him and wrap her arms around him laying her chin on his shoulder before placing light kisses to his neck where she knew he was extremely ticklish. Or if that didn't work she would have him lay his head in her lap and she would gently stroke his hair running her fingers over his cheek as he quietly drifted off to sleep.

Quickly she glanced back over her shoulder noticing that Rebecca was talking with John. Sliding closer to Sully, she ran her fingers down his arm and laid her hand over his on the deck.

"Michaela," he scolded. "Rebecca could be watching."

"She's not," Michaela said still glancing back at the two in the stern of the boat. Again she ran her hand down his arm and this time when she looked back at his face, she noticed the smile there. It was not weak or contrived; it was the smile that she loved.

Deciding it best not to let her hand linger for too long, she removed it from Sully's.

"I was thinkin' bout last summer," Sully said the smile still etched on his face.

"Umm-hmm."

"Remember when I first came down and we hadn't seen each other for over a week?"

"We snuck down to the river that first night." Michaela raised her eyebrows at him as she completed his thought wondering if he was inviting or simply remembering.

"I thought.. that is…"

"Yes, Mister Sully what is it?" Michaela asked teasingly. Sully gave her an odd look. "What?"

"Mister Sully? You used to call me Master Sully."

Michaela laughed. "You aren't a little boy anymore."

"A little boy?" Sully said incredulously. Michaela laughed even harder now, laying back on the deck and holding her stomach. Sully pretended to be angry at her. "I have half a mind to throw you overboard," he growled trying hard to suppress his own laughter. "So I'm all grown up now am I?"

Michaela had finally managed to get herself under control but she still lay on the deck smiling up at Sully. She nodded her head, unable to put into words the attraction she felt for him physically. She had heard her sisters' talk about boys and how handsome they were. How looking at a cute boy could make them feel all nervous inside. Michaela had always thought this was silly and her opinion had not really changed. She still believed that it was what was on the inside that counted but at least now she understood. For as she looked up at Sully her eyes roaming over his body, she blushed with the thoughts that were running through her head. Grateful that Sully couldn't read her mind, she finally found her voice. "I believe you were going to ask me something earlier," she reminded him slyly.

Now it was Sully's turn to blush and stammer over his words. "Thought maybe if ya wanted, we could go down to the river tonight."

These words spoken by Sully in his nervous banter made her stomach do a flip-flop. Again her words failed her so she eagerly nodded up at him.

"Sully," John's voice called out over the rush of the wind. Michaela sat up as Sully turned his face to the back of the boat. John was preparing to bring the boat into the small neck that would take them to Anna's and he needed Sully's help. Quickly Sully rose, leaning close to Michaela as he pushed himself off the deck. "Lookin' forward to tonight," he whispered making Michaela blush even more deeply as she watched him join John near the main sail.

* * *

The minute that Sully had secured the spring line, Michaela raced off the boat running to Anna who stood near Ida at the end of the dock. "Anna," she called wrapping her arms around her and hugging the older woman to herself. Pulling back she took her grandmother's hands in her own. "I've missed you so much," she said staring into the eyes that matched her own. 

"We've missed you too," Anna replied giving her granddaughter's hands a gentle squeeze before letting go to greet her other visitors.

Michaela moved over to greet Ida in the same fashion. "I do declare you and that boy done growed right up this year," Ida remarked as she hugged Michaela's neck.

Sully heard Ida's comment as he was helping John unload the luggage. "Michaela says I'm not a little boy anymore," he called over to the two of them.

"Ignore him," Michaela said to Ida sticking her tongue out at Sully.

Taking notice of Michaela's gesture, Ida chuckled softly. "I see looks can be deceivin'."

"What do you mean?"

"Just cause y'all look grown don't mean ya gonna act it." Michaela laughed now too and turned to watch as Rebecca introduced Anne and Robert to Anna. Anna was bending down on their level telling them how glad she was they had come for the summer. Michaela smiled at the scene before her. She looked up at Rebecca who seemed to be rather pale.

"Rebecca, are you feeling alright?" she asked.

"A little seasick from the boat ride," Rebecca returned with a weak smile. "I probably just need to rest for a little while."

"I'll go put on some tea to settle your stomach," Ida offered. She turned then to the two children who were still standing awkwardly at their mother's side. "Ya two wanna help. I got some cookies I just done baked up in the kitchen."

Both children stared wide eyed at Ida, having never spent any time so to speak with someone of a different race. Yet like Michaela had been, they were intrigued by her and the word cookie had already worked its own powerful magic.

"Can we mother?" Anne asked pulling anxiously on her mother's skirt.

"Of course," Rebecca agreed smiling down. With that Robert and Anne both took Ida's outstretched hands as they started up to the main house together. "It's so beautiful here Anna," Rebecca said taking in the full range of scenery. "I remembered that it was beautiful but nothing compares to seeing it again. I guess it has been a good twelve years since I was here last."

Anna smiled and nodded. "But I am so glad you decided to come and bring the children. They are going to have the time of their lives this summer," Anna said linking Rebecca's arm through her own.

Rebecca smiled warmly at her grandmother. "I can already tell I will have to drag them back to Boston kicking and screaming." Both women shared a laugh as they set off up the hill. Michaela grabbed two bags from Sully trying to lighten his load and they followed behind along with John and the rest of the luggage.

* * *

If it was possible, the night was even more beautiful than the day. A light breeze blew off the river and as the sun went down the air held an early summer chill to it. The moon was full and its beams made the river shine silver as it softly moved along through the night singing its soft melody. The trees were full of starlight which made the forest seem alive as if at any moment the trees might begin to dance uprooting themselves as they waved their branches in the sweet summer air. The grass was still a beautiful shade of green, the shoots tender and soft on bare feet. 

Silently they made their way down to the river, padding along on their bare feet. Sully held Michaela's hand in his own as he led the way. Once they reached the river across the front lawn, they turned to the right following it for a way until they were obscured completely from the house. This was their assurance against being seen, though the chance of that happening was highly unlikely. Rebecca had retired to bed earlier, her stomach still queasy from the boat ride. Robert and Anne had exhausted themselves playing hide and seek with Michaela and Sully right before dinner. And Anna wasn't even a concern in their minds.

When they reached their destination, Michaela spread out the blanket she had carried down from the house. Sully helped to get the corners laid out properly and then they both took a seat on it. Michaela instantly stretched out on her back, placing her hands under her head like a pillow. Sully felt odd sitting up and looking down at her so he lowered himself beside her. He lay on his stomach with his head resting on his hands. At first, neither talked but simply listened to the beautiful night music that seemed to rise around them. The river sang as it moved along, joined by voices of crickets and frogs. Every once in awhile the soft hoot of an owl could be heard in the distance.

"It's a beautiful night," Sully remarked, his words sounding too loud in the quiet night.

"Summer solstice," Michaela whispered.

"What?"

"It's the summer solstice. Today is the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. Solstice is from the Latin - it literally means that the sun stands still."

"Does it really stand still?" Sully asked marveling at Michaela's endless supply of knowledge.

"No but each day before the solstice, the sun rises higher and higher in the sky. On the solstice, it rises an imperceptible amount so people always thought that the sun was standing still. On the next day it does not rise as high but the change is noticeable. The solstice also marks the change of the seasons."

"So today is the official first day of summer," Sully added. Michaela nodded and then grew quiet again, turning her face up to the sky watching for shooting stars. When she turned back toward Sully, she noticed that he looked troubled again.

"Sully?" she whispered turning onto her side and propping her head up on her elbow.

"Hmm."

"Are you sure you're okay. You've seemed kind of distant ever since we left Boston."

Sully anxiously bit his bottom lip wondering if he should reveal what had been upsetting him recently. Michaela was the one person he trusted completely but it was still hard for him to admit that he had been having nightmares again even to her. Seeing the conflict playing out on his face, Michaela reached over and gently stroked his cheek. Sully closed his eyes and relaxed as he felt her butterfly light caresses.

"Don't go to sleep," Michaela giggled. "I can't carry you back in."

Sully smiled over at her. "Don't worry, my hands don't make a very good pillow, too lumpy."

"Here lay your head on my stomach," Michaela suggested. At first Sully hesitated but then he turned over and positioned himself perpendicular to Michaela so that his head rested on her stomach and his feet stuck straight out in front of him. Slowly, she stroked his head letting her fingers roam along his scalp in a gentle but firm massage.

"I've been having dreams." Sully's voice was quiet and Michaela had to strain to hear it.

"What kind of dreams?"

Sully exhaled a large breath. "Dreams about my mother," he whispered.

"Good dreams?" Michaela asked as she noticed the way Sully had tensed suddenly.

"No," he replied.

"Do you want to tell me about them?"

Silence met Michaela's question but she waited patiently knowing Sully would share everything if she gave him the time he needed. "They're all different really but one thing is always the same. She is walking ahead of me and no matter what I do I can't catch up to her. I am calling to her but she won't stop for me. I run but she runs faster." Michaela watched as a single tear drop rolled down his face and landed on her shirt.

She stilled her hand against his head for a moment letting him know that she understood that these were painful for him. "Why do you think that you are dreaming about her now?"

"Cause I can't remember her anymore," Sully whispered in reply. "I used to be able to close my eyes and see her face but now I don't remember. Were her eyes green or blue? I can't recall suddenly. And there was this way she laughed when I did something silly. It was the kind of laugh that let you know everything was going to be okay. But I don't remember what it sounded like anymore. And the way she smelled…" Sully drifted off here as the lump in his throat grew. He swallowed hard and turned slightly to look at Michaela.

"Sully you might not remember every detail but you will never forget her. She lives on inside of you. She is a part of you."

"But I feel so bad. I've only been to her grave once and that was when they buried her. I feel like I need to go and see her- just for a minute – to talk to her even if she can't talk back."

"We'll ask father if you can go when we switch trains in New York on our way home," Michaela offered feeling proud of herself for thinking of that option. Josef was coming the last week or so of the summer and then they were going to travel back with him.

Sully smiled broadly at this suggestion. "Do ya think he would mind?"

"Not at all," Michaela assured him as she let her fingers wander down the side of his arm eliciting goose bumps on his flesh.

Sully relaxed against her now as he considered the possibility. Again they grew quiet, as they each stared into the night sky. Michaela's fingers continued to run the length of Sully's arm making circles as they went. Sully marveled in the way that a touch from Michaela seemed to make everything okay. Stilling Michaela's hand with his own, he rolled from his back to his stomach. For a moment, this left his head face down on her stomach and he breathed in deeply the scent that was uniquely her.

Michaela felt sure that he had placed a light kiss there before he had raised himself up and she closed her eyes enjoying that thought for a moment. When she opened them again, expecting Sully to be hovering near waiting to kiss her, she found he had left the blanket. "What are you doing?" she asked when she had sat up and spied him over near the river's edge.

Sully turned smiling at her and holding in his hand two black-eyed susans that he had found growing there. "Pickin' ya some flowers," Sully whispered as he started back over to her. "Madam," he said trying to sound refined as he handed her the flowers.

Michaela giggled and took the flowers with glee but Sully did not sit back down. "Are you going to join me?" she asked patting the ground beside her.

"We really should be heading back," Sully replied looking in the direction of the house.

"But…" Michaela started and then froze suddenly not wanting to continue what she had planned to say.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Sully smiled down at her and extended his hand to help her up. Graciously she took it, rising to find herself even with Sully's chin. He dropped her hand, moving his arm to wrap around her back pulling her even closer to him. "Ya were gonna say I hadn't kissed ya," Sully whispered staring down into her eyes.

Michaela blushed furiously but did not drop her head. Sully laughed lightly as the moonlight illuminated the red of Michaela's cheeks.He swooped down quickly, placing a light kiss on her lips and then another before pulling away. Michaela gasped as he pulled away leaving her with the desire for more but she knew and understood why Sully kept things light and innocent. "You know me too well," she said stepping away from him so that they could pick up the blanket.

"Can ya know someone too well?" Sully asked as he bent down to take the two corners in his hand before folding them and joining his corners with Michaela's.

"I suppose not," Michaela replied as she handed the blanket to Sully and picked up her flowers she had laid in the grass. Then she took his hand and together they walked back to the house to their waiting beds.

* * *

**July 1, 1848**

Rebecca rounded the corner into the kitchen to see Anne and Robert tucking into biscuits smothered with Ida's own strawberry jam. She smiled to herself, grateful that the children could spend the summer here. A wave of nausea passed over her as she watched Anne take a bite and she quickly sprinted to the washroom seeking out a basin.

Michaela went after her, concerned that her sister had been feeling poorly since they had arrived. "Rebecca," she called tapping gently on the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Rebecca said. After a moment, she opened the door to her sister. "Just a little nauseous."

"But you've been nauseous ever since we got here. Don't you think we should have the doctor come take a look at you?"

Rebecca shook her head and giggled. "Like father, like daughter," she said patting Michaela on the shoulder.

Michaela did not laugh though for she was truly concerned for her sister. "Rebecca you've been tired and barely able to keep down any food since you arrived. If you won't go into town and see him at least get John to bring him out here."

Anna had heard most of their conversation from the kitchen and she stepped into the hall to check on Rebecca as well. "Why does she need to go to the doctor when we have the best mid-wife in the county right here?" Anna asked.

Michaela looked up at Anna in confusion. "What does Ida have to do with Rebecca being sick?"

"For someone who wants to be a doctor you sure aren't very good at diagnosing the obvious," Anna teased. Michaela still looked confused causing Anna and Rebecca to laugh even more.

"Is someone going to tell me what is going on?" she asked feeling frustrated with the whole situation.

"I'm pregnant," Rebecca revealed, her mouth breaking into a wide grin.

"Pregnant?" Michaela asked as if this was a new word for her. "But… oh… you're pregnant? Do you know for sure?"

"Yes. Ida was kind enough to confirm my suspicions a few days ago."

Michaela let out a little squeal of excitement and quickly hugged her sister. "Are you going to be sick like this the whole time?" Michaela asked making a mental note for her own future.

"It passed with both Anne and Robert but I must say this baby is sure making it hard on his mama."

Ida popped her head into the hallway now. "I made you some tea, Mrs. Rebecca."

"Thanks. Hopefully that will help settle my stomach."

"Did you know you were pregnant when we left Boston," Michaela asked as she trailed behind Anna and Rebecca back to the kitchen.

"No, though I should have known. All the signs were there."

Michaela's curiosity was peaked now and she eagerly began to think of questions to ask. The kitchen was only full of women except for three year old Robert. John and Sully had gone out to check the crab traps early that morning. "What signs?" Michaela asked taking a seat at the table.

"I had missed my monthly," Rebecca began quietly. "But you can't always count on that. I was more tired than usual and nauseous. It wasn't until Ida suggested I might be pregnant that I even thought about it."

Anna laughed. "For women whose father is a doctor, you think you would be a little more in touch with your own bodies."

Rebecca smiled but then looked at Michaela sensing there was more to this statement then met the eye. "Don't ask," Michaela groaned casting a disapproving look at her grandmother.

Shaking her head, Rebecca took a sip of the tea that Ida had prepared for her and then a small bite of a plain biscuit. "I need to ride into town and telegram Robert to let him know," she said.

"You aren't going home?" Michaela asked suddenly afraid they had just lost their summer chaperone.

"I don't plan on it," Rebecca returned. "Course once Mother gets wind that I'm expecting, she might have different plans." The sisters shared a knowing glance before all four women seated around the table laughed.

"Is grandma coming?" Anne asked trying to understand what was so funny.

"No, sweetheart," Rebecca assured her. She turned now to face her little girl and boy, smiling broadly at them. "I am going to have a baby," she informed then.

Anne giggled with glee looking at Michaela. "Aunt Michaela, we are going to get a baby," she repeated.

"I know."

"Where is the baby now?" the little girl quickly asked looking around the kitchen.

"It's growing in my belly just like you and Robert did."

Robert looked up at his name. "I in your belly," he giggled.

"Well not right now but you were at one time." Rebecca leaned over and tousled his hair. "You're not going to be the baby anymore Robert."

"I not baby. I am a big boy!" he declared casting a furrowed brow at his mother.

"Yes, you are a big boy," Rebecca cajoled as each of the women broke into laughter.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, December 1866**

"Michaela," Sully whispered as he leaned down and placed a kiss to her forehead. Her body stirred under the blankets and he smiled to himself, feeling aroused at just the thought of what he wanted to do right now. They had only been married for a little over three months and the newness of being with each other was still overwhelming. Sully had a suspicion that the awe he felt each time they made love would never fade and he hoped he was right. Quickly putting those thoughts out of his mind, he remembered why he was up here. "Michaela, you have to get up. It's late."

Those were the magic words and quickly Michaela rolled over in the bed. "Late? What time is it?" she asked stretching her arms above her head.

"Don't worry, it isn't even eight yet but I know ya like to be early."

Michaela smiled at Sully and nodded. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just so tired. I feel like I could sleep and sleep."

"Maybe that husband of yours is keeping ya up at night," he replied cheekily giving her a seductive smile.

Michaela blushed at his comment. "Maybe," she replied but then added, "I actually took a nap yesterday afternoon when I had a lull in between patients."

Sully acted surprised at this admission. "Sleepin'? In the middle of the day? Have ya replaced my wife with someone else?"

Michaela giggled as she sat up and leaned in to kiss him. "Nope. It's still me. You're stuck with me I'm afraid."

"Ain't nobody I'd rather be stuck with," Sully added as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. After a few more gentle kisses things began to heat up. Sully slid down beside Michaela in the bed pulling the blanket over his body so that he could lie down next to her.

"Sully, you are going to make me late," she giggled feeling his hand creep down her leg seeking the bottom of her nightgown.

Sully acted as if he hadn't heard her as he began placing kisses to her neck. He found the edge of the fabric and he slid his hand underneath. Slowly he ran his hand up her leg, making Michaela gasp in pleasure at the sensations he was eliciting in her. His hand cupped her buttock and gently he rolled her towards him, seeking her lips with his own. The kiss was incredible but suddenly Michaela felt as if she couldn't breathe. She pushed Sully away hastily as the room began to spin for her.

"Michaela?" Sully's voice was full of concern. He wasn't sure if he had hurt her or if something else was the matter.

Michaela felt her stomach lurch. "I'm going to be sick," she exclaimed quickly dashing from their bed over to the wash basin where she emptied her stomach of the remnants of last night's dinner.

Sully rose from the bed and came to stand beside her, placing one hand on her back. This was happening more and more frequently recently and he had noticed a decrease in Michaela's appetite. "Ya okay?" he asked as Michaela straightened up again wiping her mouth.

"I'm sorry," Michaela apologized, feeling bad for pushing him away like she did. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Sully smiled at her knowingly. "Ya sure about that?" he asked. Michaela gave him a confused look. "For a doctor ya sure aren't good at self-diagnosing."

"What do you mean?" she replied warily, resenting his last statement.

"You're tired, you're sick to your stomach," he started to list her symptoms. Michaela shrugged her shoulders and walked away from him to her dresser and started to pull out a fresh camisole.

Sully came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "And I don't recall us being interrupted by your monthly in a while," he whispered against her ear.

"You think I'm pregnant?" Michaela asked incredulously turning around to face him. "That's unlikely. We have only been married a little over three months," she laughed. "Besides don't you think I'd know if I was…" Michaela trailed off as she acknowledged the possibility that Sully was right. "Do you think I might be?" she asked forgetting completely she was the one with medical training.

Sully nodded giving her a teasing smile. "Don't you?"

Michaela blushed. "I guess… I mean… I just never expected it to happen so quickly." She dropped her hands to her stomach as she let herself consider the possibility. She felt Sully's hand cover her own as he wrapped his arms around her pressing himself close against her back. He nuzzled her neck lightly feeling overjoyed at the prospect of a baby.

"A baby," Michaela whispered leaning back into him. Just then another wave of nausea hit her and she pushed Sully away once more to run for the basin.

* * *

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! I will post an updated timeline of the future scenes sometime today… if you are interested check out www. elizaslife . com / 1849.htm_


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Forty-nine**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 11, 1848**

The sky was hazy but that didn't stop the sun's rays from penetrating the cloud cover and scorching the earth. Moisture hung in the air so that every breath felt labored and miserable. Every once in awhile, thunder could be heard in the distance but it never seemed to grow any closer. It had been threatening to rain for four days now but not one single drop had fallen. At night heat lightening lit up the sky in spectacular displays of color but still no relief from the endless heat and humidity. The weather seemed to zap everyone's energy.

Michaela and Sully were lying on the floor of the ballroom pressing their bodies against the bare wood floor for the momentary coolness it offered. When one spot heated up they would move to another spot. Robert and Anne were with them as Rebecca was still in the throws of morning sickness, though as Sully pointed out her morning sickness seemed to last all day. The heat combined with her nausea had made the good natured Rebecca moody and irritable. All four children knew enough to stay out of her way so they had spent the morning swimming. The children were supposed to be upstairs resting but Michaela couldn't fathom the thought of laying upstairs in a bed in this heat. Anna was resting which she did more and more frequently when it was this hot. John and Ida were on the porch drinking lemonade and trying to locate any cool breeze that might find its way off the river and up to the house.

"I can't take it," Michaela exclaimed suddenly standing and pulling at her skirt. "I don't care what anyone says. It's too hot for clothes, especially all of these." With that she pulled off her skirt and petticoat so that she stood in just her bloomers with her shirt hanging down. Her shirt sleeves were already rolled well past her elbows and she looked strange now standing there half undressed. She felt cooler though and that was all she cared about at the moment.

"Aunt Michaela," Anne exclaimed her eyes growing huge. "There are boys." She looked from Robert to Sully as she said this.

"Anne, Robert is three and your brother - he doesn't count."

"And Sully is your brother?" Anne asked innocently trying to understand Michaela's logic.

"Something like that," Michaela replied rolling her eyes and noticing that Sully was suppressing a laugh.

"So he doesn't count either?"

"I don't count?" Sully asked amusement written all over his face.

"Brothers don't count," Michaela replied saucily glancing over at Sully who had now propped himself up on one elbow.

"Brother, hmm?" Sully said questioningly. "I'll have to remember that."

Michaela raised her eyebrows at him before noticing that Anne was now stripping down as well. "Anne what are you doing?"

"I'm hot too," she whined trying hard to pull her pinafore off.

"Come here." The little girl made her way over to Michaela. She was wearing a cotton dress with a pinafore over it. Michaela removed both and then but just the pinafore back on her so that her little arms were bare. "There you go. That will be much cooler."

"I hot too," Robert whined half his body sticking under the couch as he was trying to retrieve a thread spool he was rolling around the floor. "Can we go swimming?" he asked as his head finally emerged.

"We just went swimming an hour ago Robert," Michaela explained. "And you are supposed to be napping. Do I need to lay you down upstairs?"

"I be good," Robert said crawling back across to where the other three were laying.

"I will be good," Michaela corrected him.

"Yes, I will," he said nodding his head up and down enthusiastically.

"Mama always tells Robert stories to make him go to sleep. Do you know any stories Sully?" Anne asked lying down close to him now. She had taken an instant liking to Sully that Michaela found endearing. Sully found it a little annoying as she insisted on sitting beside him at every possible occasion.

"I think your Aunt Michaela is more suited to story telling."

"You don't know any?" Anne asked incredulously.

Michaela smiled over at the two of them as she lay back down. "Yes Sully, don't you know any stories?"

Sully frowned at Michaela giving a little angry snort. "Thanks."

Anne looked over at Sully. "Tell us one of the stories grandmother told you when you were a little boy."

Sully gave her a puzzled look. "Your grandmother never told me any stories," Sully said very matter of fact.

Anne looked over at Sully and then at Michaela. "Did she tell you stories?"

"Anne, grandmother is not Sully's mother," Michaela began to explain.

"Where is your mama?" she asked Sully.

Michaela saw the look on Sully's face change and she started to speak. "Anne,"

"No, it's alright." Sully smiled over at the little girl. "My mama is in heaven."

"I'm sorry," Anne replied her little face falling in true empathy. "Is that why you live with Grandma and Granda?"

Sully smiled at the little girl seeing in her the same compassion he had found in Michaela. "Why don't I tell you that story," he suggested.

Anne eagerly nodded her head bouncing her brown curls up and down in the process. Robert looked over at Sully. "Story?" he asked his brown eyes growing large as he popped his thumb in his mouth.

"Yes a story," Sully confirmed. "My pa died when I was real young so I don't remember much about him. My ma was real sad about that cause she loved my pa a whole lot. Sometimes when people are sad they cry a lot and so my ma used to cry all the time cause she missed my pa. One day she heard my pa call her from heaven and he told her that he missed her too and he wanted her to come be with him there. So my ma she kissed me good-bye and told me to be real good cause she was gonna go see pa in heaven."

"Can you go see people in heaven?" Anne asked.

"You can but then you can't come back here," Sully explained.

"So your mama couldn't come back?"

"No, she had to stay in heaven with my pa."

"Didn't that make you sad?"

"It made me very sad. I was crying very hard and my heart felt like it was broken cause I knew I wouldn't see my mama again." Sully paused here looking first at Robert who was already asleep and then at Anne who was yawning and rubbing her eyes. Finally he looked at Michaela who had tears running down her cheeks and he felt his heart warm. "But sometimes where you're real sad God sends ya someone to help ya not be sad anymore."

Anne looked over at him. "Did he send you someone?" she asked finally closing her eyes.

"He sent me a little girl with beautiful long hair and eyes two different shades of green. She brought me a blanket and a handkerchief to wipe my eyes with. When she wrapped her arm around me and hugged me, I remember she smelled like a spring day after the rain," Sully continued his eyes meeting Michaela's. He remembered the first time he had seen those eyes and how it had seemed impossible to turn away from them. Another tear ran down her cheek and Sully reached across Robert to wipe it away. Michaela raised her hand and held it overtop of his on her cheek. "And she took me home and taught me how to not be sad anymore," Sully finished as the look they shared only increased in intensity.

Michaela bit her bottom lip, not even sure exactly why she was crying. Without breaking their gaze, she mouthed to Sully, "I love you."

"I love you too," he mouthed back as each closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**Boston, 1866**

"I thought Brian and Matthew could sleep in Sully's old room," Elizabeth said as she led the group up the stairs.

"Sully's old room? Matthew asked, his face twisted up in confusion.

Sully looked over at Michaela. They hadn't even thought about explaining things to the children before they arrived. He saw the worry in her face and he reached over to squeeze her shoulder. "That would be nice," Sully said to Elizabeth ignoring Matthew's statement for the moment. When Matthew turned his face up to Sully to ask again, he raised his eyebrows communicating to him to wait.

It had been so long since he had been in this house that he had once considered his home. Taking a deep breath, he continued to follow Elizabeth until she stopped in front of the door. Memories came rushing back to him now and he shuttered as the ghosts of the past descended upon him. This time it was Michaela who reassured him by slipping her hand into his and interlacing their fingers.

Elizabeth opened the door and stood back for them to enter. "I had Martha air it out while you were at the park," she explained looking around the room. The children quickly rushed in, anxious to see what Sully's old room looked like. Sully was more hesitant but together he and Michaela stepped inside. Things looked exactly as he had left them which was really quite surprising. "I'll show Colleen to your old room," Elizabeth said to Michaela starting for the door.

"Thanks mother but Sully and I need to talk to the children first."

"Okay," Elizabeth said giving her a small frown. "Then I'll leave you alone. Dinner will be ready in an hour. And you will want to dress as everyone will be here."

"Everyone?" Michaela panicked as she repeated the word.

"Your sisters, their husbands and children," Elizabeth said casting a strange look in her daughter's direction. Michaela simply nodded her head as Elizabeth turned to leave.

Quickly Sully stepped over and shut the door behind Elizabeth never letting go of Michaela's hand. "Ya wanna explain?" he asked. Yet before either had a chance to say one more word the children were each asking their own questions.

"Why do ya have a room here Sully?" Brian asked.

"I didn't know you lived in Boston," Colleen chimed in.

"Ya never told us before," Matthew added.

"We should have," Michaela started. "I simply didn't think about it."

"Me either," admitted Sully.

"So why did ya live here?" Matthew asked.

"Michaela's family took me in when my parents died," he began. "I lived here until I went out west when I was fourteen."

"So this is your and Ma's home," Brian said innocently.

Sully inhaled deeply trying to think of how to explain things so that the children would understand but Michaela beat him to it. "This is where I grew up and where Sully spent some time but we don't consider it home, Brian. Our home is in Colorado."

"Ya mean the new homestead that Sully's building?" Colleen asked.

Sully looked at Michaela and smiled. "Home isn't a physical place. It's where ya feel safe and loved. The only place I feel like that is here with Michaela and you three. You're my home."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 11, 1848**

When Michaela awoke, the first thing she noticed was that the bare areas of her body were stuck to the floor. The room held the long shadows of afternoon but the temperature had not abated any. The next thing she was cognizant of was voices.

"But mama Michaela said that Sully and Robert didn't count cause they're our brothers."

Michaela let out a deep breath wondering if Rebecca was upset about finding them undressed like this. Slowly she raised her head as she gently peeled her face away from the floor. Sheepishly she looked over at Rebecca. "It was so hot," Michaela began.

Rebecca turned to look at her. "I know it's hot but it's still not appropriate to be in mixed company like this. Michaela this is your niece. You need to set an example of propriety for her."

Michaela sighed as she unstuck the rest of her body from the floor. Her sister seemed to be channeling the spirit of her mother. "I'm sorry," she replied trying to sound sincere.

Rebecca shook her head as if coming out of some reverie and then laughed lightly. "No, I'm sorry," she returned walking across the room. "I can't believe I am standing here making a big deal of this. For goodness sakes my daughter is five years old. I must sound like mother."

"A little," Michaela said as she stood up. "Are you feeling better?"

"I am, thank you." She looked down at Michaela in her bloomers and shook her head. "Are you comfortable?" she asked her eyes twinkling.

"It's better than having my skirt on."

"Mama," Robert called from his place on the floor.

Rebecca leaned down to pick him up. "I'm here sweatheart."

"I gotta go," he said wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Okay, let's take you to the privy. Anne why don't you come along as well. I'm sure Sully and Michaela have had a fill of you two for one afternoon."

"But I want to stay with Sully," Anne exclaimed running back to where he still lay on the floor and jumping on top of him. Sully started as he awoke trying to figure out what had landed on his back.

"Anne Claire Seton, get over here this instant," Rebecca's voice resounded across the room. "And apologize to Sully."

"I'm sorry," Anne said as she climbed off of Sully and started across the room hanging her head in the process.

"Sorry," Rebecca reiterated.

"Don't worry," Sully assured both of them as he peeled his bare torso off the floor. Rebecca took Anne's hand in her own and started out of the ballroom with Robert on her hip. Sully looked up at Michaela. "Was she upset?"

"About what?" Michaela asked taking a seat beside him. Her eyes roamed over his chest making her breath catch in her throat. How many times she had seen him like this she didn't know but something was definitely different.

"The fact that you're in bloomers and I'm shirtless."

Michaela laughed. "Not really."

"What if Elizabeth found us this way?" Sully mused.

"She would have me hauled off to a convent or at least to some boarding school," Michaela replied laughing. She leaned over and touched Sully's bare shoulder sending electric ripples through his body.

"Michaela," he said, his voice sounding slightly different than usual.

"Hmm?" Michaela uttered as she trailed her fingers down his arm.

Sully sucked in a sharp breath. It was one thing to be this close to each other when they were fully dressed and quite another to be this close partially undressed. "It's really warm," Sully said standing quickly to avoid an embarrassing scene.

"It is," Michaela replied missing Sully's double meaning. "Let's go get something to drink," she suggested.

"Sounds great." Sully grabbed his shirt and pulled it on only doing up about half of the buttons. Michaela wanted to leave her skirt off but decided that it was best to put it on so she did. As they headed off to the kitchen, Ida met them carrying a tray laden with glasses of lemonade.

"Everyone's comin' out to the porch," she informed them. "I got some lemonade for y'all as well."

"Hope there's a breeze blowin'," Sully commented as he pushed open the screen door then held it for the ladies.

Within moments everyone had congregated on the porch and there was in fact a breeze coming off the river. It wasn't exactly cool but at this point moving air in any form was appreciated. Anne and Robert who were refreshed from their afternoon nap quickly left the porch to play in the shade of the giant oak. The adults sat scattered on the porch trying not to sit too close to each other. They silently watched as the children played.

After enduring the silence for some time, Michaela turned to Anna. "Tell me about granda," she said in a wistful tone.

Anna smiled. "I promised to tell you two years ago, didn't I?" Michaela nodded. "Guess it's about time I got around to it then." She paused before beginning as if pulling out some old files in her memory. "He looked tremendously like your father did as a young man. The first day I met him, he was in a restaurant in Baltimore with some business associates. I had gone for the day to pick up my dress for the summer ball that was held here every year. He bumped into me and knocked my packages out of my hand. That's how we first met. The thing I first noticed about him was his eyes. They were this deep rich shade of brown and when he looked at you they radiated warmth inviting you in to know him."

Rebecca laughed. "Isn't funny that after all this time you still remember things like that? The first thing I noticed about Robert was his eyes as well."

"Me too," Michaela whispered with a pensive look on her face.

"What?" Rebecca asked.

Michaela quickly realized her mistake. "I mean I can imagine that the eyes would make a big impression on anyone."

Anna nodded and then continued. "He insisted on helping me carry them to a carriage which he then shared with me as it seemed we were both staying in the same hotel."

"That's what they call fate," Ida interjected.

"Oh I certainly believed so," Anna replied with a far off look in her eye. "When I invited him to the ball and he accepted, I acted as if he had just asked me to marry him."

"But as I recall it didn't take long for that to happen either," John added chuckling softly.

"No, it didn't. But of course true love never does run smoothly." Anna smiled as she said this but it was apparent that there was still some pain in what she was about to reveal. "William's family were devout Irish Catholics and they couldn't understand why he was insisting on marrying someone from the country who wasn't even in the church. Those were their words anyway. He insisted on bringing me to Boston, knowing that once they met me they would fall in love with me as he had done. I quickly fell in love with Boston but the family was less than impressed by me."

"What did you do?" Rebecca asked as everyone was intently listening to the tale that was unfolding before them.

"I cried. I cried a lot and then William came here and we got married. He told his family either accept me or don't. They didn't come to our wedding because it wasn't held in a Catholic Church or officiated by a priest. When we went back to Boston, they were cold and distant but I was convinced that all William and I needed was each other. When I gave birth to Ezra and then Josef things changed considerably. Any woman who could produce two healthy male heirs couldn't be all bad." The adults laughed while Michaela and Sully merely glanced at each other with perplexed looks on their faces.

"Ezra?" Sully said. "Josef's brother's name is Ezra."

"It's a Quinn family name," Anna informed him.

"And trust me when you bear a son that name will be suggested to you," Rebecca added from her own personal experience. Sully looked over at John and they both burst out laughing.

"It's not that bad," defended Michaela. Sully raised his eyebrows at her. "I can think of worse," she added teasing him.

"So the family finally accepted ya?" Sully asked trying to change the subject, afraid Michaela might reveal his first name.

Anna looked from Sully to Michaela trying to figure out what was going on. "Yes," she said. "Things were different once the boys came into the picture but it soon became obvious that the Quinn family wanted to have a say in how the boys were raised, where they went to school, who they married and what career they choose. Needless to say we clashed many times."

Michaela thought for a moment about her parent's relationship wondering if that had been orchestrated by the Quinn family as well and if that was one of the things that Anna and the Quinns had clashed over. "They told them what to do?" Michaela asked trying to clarify what Anna meant.

"No one ever told anyone what to do. They suggested and then made life seemingly unpleasant if you didn't take the suggestion. Of course they were tickled that Josef wanted to become a doctor. Ezra had to be persuaded to pursue banking but in the end I think he was pleased with his decision. William wasn't someone to really stand up to his family. It seems the one and only time he had was to marry me."

"Were you unhappy?" Rebecca asked her eyes growing large.

"Not with William. I loved him too much. In general, I grew to hate Boston and all the society people."

"That's why ya came back here," Sully interjected.

"Sure is. And the only thing I have ever regretted was not seeing more of my grandchildren." She smiled at Michaela, Sully and Rebecca as she said it.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - July 16, 1848**

Michaela sat on the porch by herself. The children along with Rebecca and Anna were resting as the heat had still not abated nor had it rained. Ida was canning in the kitchen. Michaela knew it needed to be done but it only made the house hotter and the smells were so pungent, she had to flee from inside to get away from them. Sully and John were still crabbing and she was beginning to wish she had gone with them. That was when someone coming around the corner caught her attention and she abruptly stood up.

"Good afternoon," Thomas called from the side of the porch walking ever closer.

Michaela frowned. She was in no mood to deal with Thomas today especially since she was practically alone. "Hello," she returned warily.

"I was out walking in the woods and I decided to stop in and see how everyone was doing."

Michaela saw through his phony excuse and decided to cut right to the chase. "You weren't out walking – I'm sure you intended to come here when you left your house. So just tell me what you want?"

Thomas considered her for a moment as he stepped on the porch. "Michaela I don't know why you are so hostile towards me," he replied in his slickest voice. "I am only trying to be neighborly."

"Right," Michaela replied moving backward slightly.

"And how is your dear brother or excuse me beau, Sully?" Thomas asked trying to get a rise out of Michaela.

"Fairly grown up now," Michaela replied trying to insinuate that Sully could take Thomas on physically if necessary.

"And Anna? How is Anna? I haven't seen her but I hear she's made a full recovery."

"She has." Michaela kept her reply short as she looked down to the river wishing to see the white sail of the boat returning. She had no such luck.

"There is something on my mind though that I wanted to talk to you about," Thomas admitted casually.

"What is it?" Michaela asked. Her heart had sped up now as he continued to move closer to her. She knew she needed to stay calm but she was having trouble suppressing the urge to scream.

"I know that you are set to inherit all this," Thomas began.

Michaela's mouth gaped open. This was the first she had heard of this and frankly she couldn't imagine that it would be true. "I highly doubt that Thomas," she said in her little know it all voice.

Her tone made his blood boil and he found himself rapidly loosing control. "Nonetheless I want to talk about my father's property."

Michaela looked even more confused than she had before. "Why would you want to discuss your father's property with me?"

"Cause your slave lovin' grandmother bought my father out and I want that property back. Things could get pretty ugly around here if I don't get my way soon." Thomas felt a thrill inside as he saw the momentarily look of fear that crossed her face. He was getting to her. Slowly he began to advance on Michaela. She had no where to run to unless she could jump the porch railing. Just as she was preparing herself to do that, the screen door opened.

Thomas was so intent on watching Michaela that he didn't even hear Anna enter the porch until he felt the barrel of a pistol in his back. He started to turn around. "I wouldn't do that if I was you," Anna said. "Now I want you to get the hell off my property and I want you to stay off. I don't appreciate you coming here and threatening my granddaughter or any of the rest of us. Do you understand me?"

Thomas was seething and he seriously considered whether or not he could turn fast enough to wrench the gun out of her hands. After all she was only an old woman; she couldn't possibly put up much of a fight.

Anna was tired of waiting. "I said do you understand me?" She cocked the gun back and Thomas jumped.

"Yes mam," he stated.

"Good, now I am going to back away and I want you to slowly walk off the porch and then get off my property as fast as you can. I warn you if I see you here again – I will shoot you." Slowly she moved backwards keeping the gun trained on him. Thomas did just as she asked and a few moments later he was tearing off for the woods as hard as he could go.

Anna dropped the gun to point at the floor as he ran out of sight. "Michaela I think it would be a good idea for you to not go off alone. I don't trust that boy." Michaela nodded still a little shaken from all that had occurred and from seeing her grandmother wielding a gun.

Michaela swallowed hard wondering what parts of the conversation her grandmother had heard. She was dying to ask Anna about what Thomas had said. Yet she felt funny asking if she was her heir so she went with her other question instead. "Anna do you own the Brooks' property?"

"I do," Anna said giving one final glance at the woods before joining Michaela on the swing.

"But how?"

"I had the means. The Brooks owed many people money. I simply bought out their debts so that I owned them. I allow them to continue to live there for free with the agreement that they freed all their slaves and hired workers for the fields."

"They agreed?" Michaela asked her face beaming with pride over what Anna had done.

"Didn't have much choice as I see it. Doesn't stop them from being bitter though." Anna chuckled.

"Aren't you scared that they might try to hurt you?"

"No I'm not and don't you be either. I'm a pretty good shot with this thing." She held up the gun still in her right hand. "Plus I know that the whole family loves to talk but when it comes right down to it, they are all cowards." She paused for a moment before looking over at Michaela and speaking directly to her. "Michaela, don't let people make you afraid of them. When you begin to fear them, then you give them power over you. Don't let that happen."

Michaela nodded. "I won't."

"Good," Anna said taking a deep breath. "Well I need to put this away," she said pointing to the gun.

"Anna?" Michaela stopped her as she was getting up. The question of the inheritance weighed heavily on her mind.

"What is it?"

Michaela could not bring herself to ask and so after a moment of silence she said, "Nothing."

"Are you sure?" Michaela nodded politely and watched as her grandmother made her way back into the house.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 20, 1848**

_Michaela sat on the bow of the boat as she normally did. The wind blew through her hair and cooled her body deliciously. The boat cut through the water quickly spraying little droplets up onto the deck. Michaela looked down and noticed she was wearing only her bloomers and camisole. At first she felt slightly embarrassed because she knew she wasn't alone on the boat but the air blowing against her half-naked body felt so good that she quickly overcame her embarrassment. _

_The boat began to slow and Michaela turned around to see who was sailing. Sully stood on the deck lowering the main sail and preparing to drop anchor. Michaela felt her breath catch in her throat. He was shirtless and his skin was golden in color. Slowly she stood up as he turned to look at her._

"_Michaela," he whispered as he beckoned her to come closer. Her heart sped up when he spoke her name and she began to walk towards him, their eyes never leaving one another's._

"_Michaela," he said again his voice more urgent than before. Suddenly she was standing in front of him and his hands were on her shoulders. She reached up to touch his bare chest longing to feel her body against his. Her hand went to the string on her camisole as desire overtook her. _

"Michaela." Her eyes fluttered open to find Sully leaning over her. "Gracious, you are hard to wake up," he commented moving away.

Michaela was thankful for the darkness which hid her bright red cheeks. She could feel the small droplets of sweat that had formed all over her body and she wasn't sure if that was from the heat or her dream. Yet there was an undeniable tingling inside of her that seemed to radiate all over her body. She knew that was from the dream. Never before had she dreamt of things like that and she felt slightly scared.

"Sully, what do you want?" she asked pulling at the sheet she had cast off earlier.

"You were supposed to meet me down on the porch. I guess you fell asleep."

Michaela remembered now. "Sorry," she offered.

"It's okay. I probably shouldn't have woken ya up," Sully said sheepishly.

"I'm glad you did."

This caused Sully to smile. "Do you feel like going outside for awhile?"

"Sure," Michaela agreed her pulse still racing from her dream.

Silently they slipped down the stairs and out the door, retiring to their favorite place down near the riverbank. Thunder rumbled in the distance and Michaela sighed.

"Is it ever going to rain?" she asked.

"John says it can't hold off forever." Michaela grew quiet as her thoughts again turned to her dream. "Michaela were you dreaming when I woke you up?" Sully asked innocently.

Michaela's eyes grew wide. "Why do you ask that?" she said nervously.

"You were moving around in your sleep," Sully replied. "And you were so hard to wake up. It was like you heard my voice and didn't hear it all at the same time."

"I was dreaming," Michaela admitted looking up at the night sky. The stars were all obscured from view by the clouds and she felt disappointed that she had nothing to distract her.

"About what?"

Michaela took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "About you and me out sailing."

"Oh," was Sully's only response.

Michaela felt relieved that he hadn't asked more but she couldn't resist asking him about his own dreams. "You told me last summer you dream about me too."

"I do," Sully said smiling over at her.

"What are your dreams about me like?"

It was now Sully's turn to blush and to be thankful for the darkness. "Well sometimes we are just doin' regular everyday stuff. And sometimes were alone and I'm kissin' ya. What are your dreams about me like?" he asked this last part hastily trying to distract Michaela from asking him to further talk about his own dreams.

"Same - sometimes we are doing everyday things and sometimes we're kissing."

Michaela's last word made Sully smile. "You dream about us kissin'?"

"Sometimes."

Sully leaned in close to her and raised his hand to the side of her face. At that moment a giant bolt of lightening descended from the sky onto the opposite side of the river bank lighting up the night terrifically and scaring the both of them at the same time. As if that bolt of lightening had finally bust open the clouds, rain began to descend fast and hard. It pelted the ground instantly making mud of the dry dusty earth.

Quickly Michaela and Sully stood and ran towards the house laughing all the way as they slipped on the muddy ground. If it hadn't been for the lightening and thunder they would have sat outside in the downpour. As they made the porch they tried to wipe the mud off of their bare feet before heading inside. Sully smiled over at Michaela and quickly leaned in to give her a light kiss on the lips before he opened the door. Quietly they returned to the top of the stairs but both of them panicked when they spied a small form moving at the end of the hall.

"Aunt Michaela? Sully?" Anne's voice called out.

"What is it Anne?" Michaela replied going to the child who was obviously crying.

"Something is wrong with mama," Anne said through sniffles. "She told me to come get you." Michaela took off down the hall leaving Sully with Anne. She pushed open Rebecca's door to see her sister doubled over on the bed.

"The baby," Rebecca called over to her. "I'm losing the baby."

Quickly, Michaela turned back to the hall. "Sully go get Ida quick!" she yelled.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! For an updated timeline of the future scenes check out http/ __www. elizaslife__. com/ 1849.htm._


	50. Chapter 50

****

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Fifty**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 21, 1848**

"_I can't take it," Michaela said standing and pulling at her skirt. "I don't care what anybody says. It's too hot for clothes especially all of these." Sully watched mesmerized as she quickly removed her skirt and petticoats. Her hand moved up to unbutton her shirt and soon she stood in front of him in just her camisole and bloomers. _

"_Michaela I'm not sure this is such a good idea," Sully said averting his eyes to stop himself from staring._

"_Aren't you hot Sully? Come on let me help you out of that shirt." He felt her hands on his chest undoing the buttons and his heart caught in his throat as he found himself staring at the ribbon that tied the top of her camisole together. How could she not know what she was doing to him? When she finished with the buttons she slipped the shirt off his arms and dropped it on the floor with her clothes. Laying a hand on his chest, she smiled up at him. "You're heart's beating fast," she remarked. _

"_Michaela," Sully muttered again trying to look elsewhere but still found his eyes drawn to her scantily clad body. Her fingers started to stroke his chest tickling him and he began to squirm. "That tickles," he said laughing and pushing at her hands. "Stop you're tickling me."_

"Wake up and I'll stop," Anne exclaimed. Sully opened his eyes slowly to find a mass of brown curls dangling in front of his face.

"Anne?" he asked confused. "Why are ya in my room?"

"Me and Robert slept with you last night remember?"

Sully turned to see Robert still curled up beside him as the night before came rushing back. Quickly he sat up and pulled the sheet up to cover himself, brushing Anne to the side. He need to find out how Rebecca was doing but he also needed to calm down from his dream. It had seemed so real to him that his heart was still beating quickly and his body was soaked with perspiration. "I must have fallen asleep when I laid down with ya two last night," he said putting the pieces of what had happened together. He moved to get up but Anne grabbed onto his shoulders. "Anne let go. I need to check on Michaela and your mother."

"They're both asleep," Anne informed him moving to the side. "I already checked."

"Is anyone awake?" Sully asked her.

"Just you and me." She grinned showing two rows of tiny perfect teeth. Sully collapsed back against the pillow yawning. "Don't go back to sleep," Anne warned. "You got to watch me."

"I wouldn't dream of going back to sleep." Sully's was being sarcastic but Anne didn't seem to notice. She continued on undeterred.

"Are you my uncle Sully?" Anne asked wrapping her hands around the top of Sully's right arm as she scooted herself in between Sully and Robert.

"No, Anne. Remember we told ya this before. I'm not related to ya at all."

"Good," Anne replied smiling broadly.

Sully was about to ask her what she meant by that when a light knock came at the door.

"Come in," Sully called.

The door opened to reveal Michaela in her nightgown. "Is there room for one more in here?" she asked with amusement written on her face.

"Certainly," Sully replied as he watched her walk across the room. "How's Rebecca?"

"She's still resting. The doctor is going to ride back out this morning to check on her. It wasn't as bad as we first thought. There was some bleeding and she was having a lot of pain. John rode for the doctor and brought back ice to help stop the bleeding. Her cervix wasn't dilated at all so Ida and the doctor are both hopeful." She took a seat on the bed and dropped her voice. "If something more is wrong we will know soon enough."

"Good," Sully said. "Did ya get any sleep?"

"Some," Michaela smiled. "How about you?"

"I didn't mean to fall asleep when I laid them down in here last night. I must have been more tired than I knew."

"Don't worry. There was no reason for you to stay up. You wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. Besides, Rebecca was relieved to know that the children were in good hands."

"Did anyone ask why your clothes were all wet?" Sully whispered as Anne retreated off the bed to claim her baby doll.

"If they did no one said anything about it."

"Good," Sully said feeling relieved.

Michaela glanced over her shoulder to make sure Anne was still busy. "I must say I am not sure I like another woman sleeping in your bed. I might get jealous." Amusement was written on Michaela's face as she said it and Sully laughed.

"Don't worry you were the only one in my dreams," he whispered.

"So you dreamed about me?"

"He dreamed you were tickling him but it was really me," Anne said peaking over the edge of the bed at them her baby doll forgotten in the corner.

"What?" Michaela asked looking from her to Sully.

"I was tickling Sully to wake him up. That's how mama always wakes me up. He said your name and then he told you to stop tickling him. But you weren't tickling him it was me." Anne broke into a fit of giggles as she jumped up and down acting very pleased with herself.

"So I was tickling you in your dream?" Michaela looked over at Sully as she said it and couldn't help but notice the pink tinge to his cheeks.

"Sort of," Sully replied turning a darker shade of red. Michaela couldn't help but smile to herself. The fact that she wasn't the only one dreaming inappropriate things made her feel better. Sully brought his eyes up to meet hers. The tranquil shades of blue she found there pulled at her heart and she could not turn away from him at that moment. Some part of her was aware of Anne and Robert but another part of her wanted Sully to push her down on the bed and kiss her over and over again.

Anne did not like the fact that neither Michaela nor Sully was paying her any mind. She decided to make her presence known by jumping onto the bed and tackling Sully. This did in fact succeed in getting their attention but it also woke up Robert who began to scream at the top of his lungs. Michaela quickly picked him up and began to comfort him.

"Anne ya can't do stuff like that," Sully scolded her.

Anne stuck out her bottom lip as her eyes stared to tear up. "Nobody was paying attention to me," she whined. Sully rolled his eyes but picked her up and sat her in his lap to stay off the crying. Michaela smiled over at him as she watched him pat Anne on the back.

"What?" Sully said catching Michaela looking at him.

"Nothing," she returned but still did not drop her eyes.

"Aunt Michaela, when I grow up I am going to marry Sully," Anne announced turning the attention back to her once again.

"You are?" Michaela said looking at the little girl with a surprised expression.

"Umm-hmm. And we are going to live in Boston."

"Has Sully asked you to marry him?" Michaela leaned over to whisper near Anne's ear though she made no effort to be quiet as she wanted Sully to hear everything she was saying. Anne shook her head no. "Well, normally the boy asks the girl to marry him."

Anne looked up expectantly at Sully. "When are you going to ask me to marry you?"

Sully frowned at Michaela. "You're enjoying this, aren't ya?"

"I'm talking over here," Anne reminded Sully by tapping incessantly on his arm.

Sully turned to face her. "Anne I can't ask ya to marry me until after your coming out."

Anne's face lit up. "Like Aunt Marjorie?" she asked.

"Just like Aunt Marjorie," Michaela replied continuing to rub Robert's back.

This answer seemed to pacify Anne for the moment and she jumped out of Sully's lap heading across the room to get her doll once again. Within seconds she had returned and was thrusting the doll toward Sully. "Want to play house?" she asked.

Sully took the doll from her with a stunned expression on his face. "House?" he asked incredulously.

"You can be the papa and I'll be the mama."

"I think it's time for breakfast Anne," Michaela said rescuing Sully. He mouthed a silent thank you to her before the four of them set off downstairs to find something to eat.

**

* * *

****Boston – August 1858 **

"Ready or not, here I come," sang out Sully as he uncovered his eyes and began to move through the backyard looking for any sign of movement. Robert and Rebecca's backyard was huge and full of great hiding spots so he knew it could be awhile before he found anyone. Slowly he stalked along the garden path trying to be as quiet as possible in hopes someone would give themselves away. A giggle caught his attention and he turned quickly in the direction of the sound. Creeping along silently, he startled Michaela as he touched her shoulder from behind.

"One down, two to go," he said laughing.

Michaela smiled up at him invitingly. "Let them hide for a few more minutes," she said wrapping her arms around Sully's back and drawing him near. Sully quickly leaned in and kissed her lips savoring the chance to be alone with her. These moments had been few and far between since they had returned from Cambridge. As he pulled away he felt her lips travel down his neck causing his pulse to race. Teasingly she pulled back running her tongue over her lips as she smiled up at him.

"If ya only knew what ya do to me," Sully breathed. Michaela giggled as she felt his arms run up her sides tickling her slightly.

"And what do I do to you?" she asked cheekily.

Sully shook his head and leaned in again to meet her lips. The kiss deepened and both became lost in the moment unaware of the time that was passing. Michaela's eyes were closed and she moaned in pleasure as Sully placed light kisses to a sensitive spot on her neck. Slipping his tongue out he tasted the sweetness of his skin as Michaela's hands slipped lower down his back.

A surprised gasp caught their attention and they both turned quickly to find Anne standing there her eyes wide and her nostrils flaring. "No wonder you weren't looking for us," she shouted her voice full of venom.

"Sorry," Sully muttered knowing that this was about more than a game of hide and seek.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't either one of you tell me?"

"Anne," Michaela began. "We hadn't told anyone until this summer."

"How could you do this?" Her eyes were full of tears as she looked between the two of them. "I loved you Sully!" she cried and then turned to flee.

"Anne!' Sully started to run after her but Michaela stopped him.

"No I'll go," she said gently.

Sully hit the tree with his fist. "Another Quinn family member who is just thrilled to see us together."

"Sully it's infatuation. You know she has always liked you."

"I know. It's just…"

Michaela stood on her tiptoes and placed a quick kiss to his lips. "Don't worry. I'll talk to her."

**

* * *

****Boston - July 30, 1848 **

Elizabeth stood looking out of the library window as she waited for Josef to return home. Logically she knew that it was imperative that she remain calm but she was already having a hard time controlling her anger. She knew it would only get worse when Josef arrived home. He had deliberately gone behind her back and orchestrated Michaela and Sully's extended stay in Maryland. Her mind ran through all the things she wanted to say to him knowing she needed to stay way from the subject of a relationship between Michaela and Sully. The opening of the front door caught her attention and she flew out into the foyer.

"We need to talk," she said her voice already full of fight.

"If this is about Mike and Sully," Josef began but Elizabeth interrupted him.

"Of course this is about Michaela and Sully. Did you really think I wasn't going to find out?"

Josef sighed and walked past her into the library knowing now that a fight was unavoidable. Elizabeth followed him inside and closed the door. Walking over to the window, he looked out onto the backyard contemplating what to say to Elizabeth. "I think they should stay in Maryland," Josef stated succinctly.

"That's fairly obvious," Elizabeth retorted. "You were the one that sent the telegram saying they could stay. You were the one who assured me that you would go to Maryland when Rebecca came home. You were the one who promised me that they would not be left alone in Maryland. You never intended to go, did you?"

"Elizabeth of course I was planning on going. But I think our daughter's health and the health of her unborn baby is more important than me chaperoning Michaela and Sully. I can't help that these new circumstances changed things. I'm needed here more than there."

"Stop acting like you are the only doctor in Boston," Elizabeth screamed her fists clenched in anger.

Josef took a deep breath as he glared at his wife. "If this is about some imaginary relationship between Mike and Sully…"

"No, it's about the fact that your mother is crazy! Who knows what kind of nonsense she is filling their heads with. They both are going to come back here looking like commoners stepping off of that train. Sully looking like some field worker while Michaela's hair will be hanging down like some street woman. So help me if Michaela comes back without a corset on, I am going to…"

"You are going to what? Yell at her? Take her to confession? Permanently attach a corset to her?"

"Stop being ridiculous!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"No you stop being ridiculous, Elizabeth! My mother is old – she is not going to be around for ever and I cannot deny her the chance to see her grandchildren."

"How about the chance to see her son? You seem to be fine with denying her that."

"It's not me she wants to see."

"Don't use that as an excuse."

"I'm not. It's the truth. Why do you think she left Boston all those years ago? Why do you think my daughter will inherit basically everything she owns when she has two living sons?"

"The woman is batty, Josef," Elizabeth reminded him.

"She isn't Elizabeth. You can keep telling yourself that but she knows exactly what she is doing. Her body may be old but her mind is still as sharp as ever. That is one of the reasons she has taken to Mike. She sees herself in her. I was and still am too much like my father for her liking."

"Josef she loved your father. I may not know much about your mother but I do know that. His death is what pushed her over the edge."

Josef shook his head. "You never have understood my family Elizabeth. You never quite got it."

"What are you going on about Josef?"

Josef choose to remain silent. There was no use saying anything more on the subject. Elizabeth couldn't understand. She had never grown up in a home with the kind of pressure he was always under; having to live up to the Quinn family name every second of every day. "Drop it Elizabeth." His tone was not loud but she knew he meant business.

"I want them to come back with Rebecca," Elizabeth said hastily.

"They will stay until the middle of August just as originally planned." Again Josef's tone communicated the finality of his decision.

"Don't forget about our agreement. If anything goes wrong in those two weeks, Sully will be sent to boarding school."

"Yes Elizabeth. I do remember," Josef snapped turning to walk out into the foyer. Elizabeth stood watching him leave and wondering what he had meant by his earlier comments about his mother. Her anger had not abated but she knew that it was pointless to continue to argue with him when he had made up his mind. She would have to accept his decision and learn to live with it.

**

* * *

****Baltimore, Maryland - August 3, 1848 **

Rebecca and the baby were doing fine and when a week had passed without incident the doctor had given Rebecca the okay to travel. When Robert had found out about Rebecca he had insisted that she come back to Boston at once. Josef too seemed to think this was best as he wanted to personally monitor Rebecca's situation.

Michaela and Sully were afraid that they would also have to return to Boston as now it looked like Josef wasn't going to come. Surprisingly, Josef had telegrammed to say that he would be coming to Baltimore to escort Rebecca and the children home and that Michaela and Sully should stay until August 12 as planned. This thrilled both of them and they were looking forward to nine whole days without Anne and Robert. Both of the children were very sweet and fun to play with but Anne's obsession with Sully was grating on even Michaela's nerves.

Rebecca stood on the dock with Michaela and the children watching John and Sully unload their luggage. The late morning sun was beating down on them making Michaela wish she didn't have quite so many layers of clothes on.

"Are you okay?" Michaela asked Rebecca who seemed sort of pale.

"I'm fine. I think the boat ride didn't help my stomach," she explained.

"Can I stay here with Sully?" Anne asked turning her face up and squinting her eyes at her mother.

"Anne, we've already been over this. You and Robert are coming back to Boston with me and granda. Your papa wants to see his little girl. He had missed her very much."

Anne pulled away from Rebecca and began to pout. Rebecca leaned in close to Michaela and whispered, "If she is already this crazy over a boy, I don't know what we are going to do when she's sixteen." Both women laughed at the comment as Sully and John approached.

As a group they made their way from the dock to the waiting carriages. Josef arrived shortly thereafter and helped get Rebecca and the children settled. Anne by this point was crying and hugging Sully's neck so tight that he was turning red in the face. Finally, Josef unattached her from Sully and put her in the carriage with her brother.

"Have a good rest of the summer," Josef said to both of them. "We will see you in a little over a week."

"Thank you for letting us stay, father." Michaela wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. "Mother didn't mind?"

"I can't say we saw eye to eye on the topic but I thought this was only fair."

"Thank you," Michaela said again when her suspicion that it was solely her father's doing was confirmed.

"Sully, take care of my little girl." Josef placed his arm around Sully's shoulder in sort of a half-hug.

"I will," Sully replied smiling up at Josef.

Josef shook his head. "I think you grew another six inches this summer." With that he clasped him once on the back and then shook John's hand before climbing into the carriage.

After one more round of good-byes the carriage pulled away. John, Sully and Michaela stood watching it until it could be seen no more. Then they headed back to the boat to return to Anna's.

The return from Baltimore had been delightful. They took their time coming home as the day was truly gorgeous. Michaela had sprawled out on the deck taking off her stockings so that her bare feet could feel the breeze that blew. John and Sully had a wonderful time teasing each other before they turned on Michaela and begun to tease her as well. Once they arrived at home, Michaela pretended to be mad at both of them and had run up to the house before they had even secured the boat.

Slowly Sully and John sauntered up the front lawn to the house still enjoying the afternoon. Michaela sat on the porch waiting for them but pretending as if she was asleep in the swing. John chuckled when he saw her but went on into the house. Sully quietly snuck over to where she sat and begun to tickle her.

Immediately Michaela's eyes sprang open. "Stop," she giggled as Sully's hands found the side of her stomach. "Stop!" she exclaimed more fervently smacking at his arms to push him away from her. Sully moved back with a silly grin on his face. "I'm not talking to you," Michaela announced still pretending to be mad from earlier.

"Should be a peaceful afternoon then," Sully replied leaning against the porch railing.

"Very funny."

"I thought ya weren't talkin' to me."

"I'm not."

"Seems to me ya are." Sully wrinkled up his nose as he suppressed his laughter. Michaela turned her back toward him. "So what are ya so mad at me about?" Sully asked rather enjoying the charade.

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

Sully sat down on the porch swing on the end opposite of Michaela. "I think you're jealous."

"Jealous of whom?"

"Anne," Sully replied again suppressing a giggle. "She did kiss me when she told me goodbye."

"Well maybe you can dream about her tonight." Sully swallowed hard at the mention of dreams. Ever since the day Michaela had done her little strip down because of the heat, Sully had relived that moment every night in his dreams. Of course the children weren't there and usually Michaela didn't stop with just her skirt and petticoats. Michaela looked down the swing at Sully and noticed the way his cheeks had gone red. "Did I embarrass you?" she teased.

"No, I….it's just… it's warm out here," Sully finally managed to say.

Michaela didn't buy this for a second. "Have you been dreaming of Anne?"

"Of course not," Sully replied glancing over at her briefly.

"Good," Michaela said. "I want to be the only girl dancing through your head at night."

"Ya are," Sully confirmed offering a brief smile. Michaela's feet lay next to Sully as she was stretched out long ways and he lifted them up so that he could scoot over and rest them in his lap. Slowly he ran his fingers up and down the soles, making Michaela squirm and giggle but then his movements changed as his hands began to massage her feet.

Michaela sucked in a sharp breath as she closed her eyes, marveling at the way Sully's hands felt on her feet. She allowed herself to relax completely. Each pass of his hand from her heel to her toes made her heart beat a little faster. It took a moment before she registered that Sully had stilled his hands on her left foot. She opened her eyes and looked down the swing. Sully still held onto her foot but he seemed lost in thought. Slowlly she pulled herself up to a sitting position and swung her feet out of Sully's lap.

"Thank you," she whispered moving closer to him but still Sully didn't respond. "Sully," Michaela called a little louder and he looked over at her with a brooding look on his face. "What are you thinking about?"

"With Josef not coming, I won't be able to stop in New York and go see my mother's grave," he replied, his voice low.

Michaela winced as she heard the pain in Sully's statement. She had forgotten completely about this. "Do you know where your mother is buried?" Michaela asked.

"St. Vincent's."

Michaela screwed her face up. "But I thought that people who had…" her words faded off here as she didn't want to say the next word.

"It was ruled an accidental drowning so that she could be buried in the church yard," he replied.

Michaela nodded her head in understanding. "We will have a short stop in New York, we always do. Why don't we take a carriage over to St. Vincent's?"

Sully looked over at her as a smile spread across his face. "Yeah," he said grateful that Michaela was willing to do this for him. "Let's do that."

**

* * *

****Pennsylvania countryside – August 12, 1848 **

The train rumbled down the tracks passing farms, crossing rivers and tunneling through the mountains of the Pennsylvania countryside. They had stopped briefly in Philadelphia but now their course was set for New York. Night had fallen outside the train compartment that the two shared. Michaela sat up reading while Sully had fallen asleep at least an hour before. Sully began to move around in his sleep causing Michaela to look up. At first, she thought he was trying to get more comfortable but she soon realized he must be dreaming. His face was contorted in a grimace and his arm reached out grabbing at the air.

"Ma," he cried out still reaching for some invisible thing.

Michaela dropped to the floor beside his seat and began to shake him. "Sully, wake up."

He seemed to calm for a minute but then he screamed out again. "Michaela!" His voice reverberated through the tiny compartment raising goose bumps on Michaela's flesh.

"Sully," she cried out her voice more urgent now. "Sully, wake up!"

Quickly he bolted up his eyes wide with fright. He looked at Michaela grabbing onto her face and running his hands over it. "Michaela?" he asked tentatively.

"You were dreaming," she told him.

Sully looked around reminding himself of where he was as he absorbed what Michaela had said. "It was just a dream," he repeated to himself calming somewhat.

Michaela moved to sit behind him and had Sully lay back against her so that she could gently stroke the side of his face. "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?" she asked hoping that she wasn't making him uncomfortable.

Sully nodded his head but took a few minutes to compose himself. As he relaxed against Michaela he began to speak, "It was the same dream I had earlier this summer. I was walkin' in the city and my mother was right in front of me but she wouldn't turn around and look at me. I kept following her but I wasn't alone ya were with me." He stopped here and looked up at Michaela. "You were holdin' my hand and encouragin' me to keep goin'. She started to run and I wanted to run after her so I let go of your hand. I couldn't catch her though. As fast as I ran she always ran faster. I could still hear ya tellin' me not to give up. I was calling her name but she wouldn't stop. I tripped over something and when I looked up I couldn't see her anymore." Sully took a shaky breath and Michaela knew he was holding back tears.

Gently she leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Was that it?" she asked sensing that Sully wasn't finished yet.

"No. I turned around to find ya but ya were gone." His voice cracked as he said it and Michaela saw the first tear slip down his cheek. She wiped it away and placed a kiss on his cheek where the tear had been.

"I won't leave you Sully. You don't have to worry about that."

"I just have this bad feeling that I can't seem to get rid of."

"Maybe it will go away after you visit her grave tomorrow."

"I hope so," Sully said turning his eyes to look up at Michaela's. The deep sadness that she found there moved Michaela and she wanted to take away all of Sully's unhappy memories at that moment. She covered his lips with her own, gently placing a kiss there. Sully breathed in her scent as she leaned over him and felt his heart begin to calm.

"Go back to sleep," Michaela cooed against his ear. "I'll sit with you tonight and chase away your nightmares."

Sully sat up and turned in the seat so that he faced her. "You don't have to," he replied feeling slightly embarrassed that she felt the need to act as his protector.

"I want to," Michaela returned covering his hand with her own.

Slowly Sully sank back down and laid his head in Michaela's lap. Her fingers ran through his hair and down over his cheek encouraging his eyelids to close. Her touch was all he focused on; willing himself not to think about the dream that moments ago had seemed so real. Slowly the gentle motion of the train combined with Michaela's soft touch lulled him to sleep.

**

* * *

****New York City - August 13, 1848 **

Michaela stood a few feet away watching Sully as he kneeled at his mother's grave. She had moved away to give him a chance to say whatever he needed to say and to cry without her presence embarrassing him. The carriage ride from the train station had been longer than she expected but they still had plenty of time so she wasn't too worried. They had stopped on the way so that Sully could buy flowers to lay on his mother's grave. Her heart went out to Sully as she watched him there with his head bowed low to the ground. She knew that in rejecting Josef's offer of adoption that he was giving up the chance to have a family but somehow it all became very real as they stood here in this place. Her heart felt heavy knowing that Sully had given it all up for her.

Sully rose and turned to find her standing over near a tree. His eyes were red from crying and his nose still dripped but he needed to feel her near at the moment. Quickly he crossed the short distance that separated them and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay," she said hugging him to herself, making him feel as if he was the most loved person in the world.

"Thank you," Sully said pulling back a little. "I needed to do this."

"I know," Michaela agreed. "Are you ready to head back?"

Sully nodded and took her hand as they walked out of the cemetery toward the street and the waiting carriage. When they returned to the spot where they had asked the driver to wait, they found he was no longer there. Michaela felt her chest tighten but told herself to remain calm. They would find another carriage soon. The two of them began to walk hand in hand in the direction of the train station hoping that at any moment a carriage would come by.

Each step made Michaela a little more nervous and she held tightly to Sully's hand as she absorbed the reality of the situation. Looking around made her anxious. They were in a poorer section of the city and the poverty she saw scared her. Sully who had grown up not far from here was not shocked by the sights but he noticed how Michaela seemed to cling to him.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to ya," he reassured her. Michaela nodded her head but did not let go of Sully's hand.

After walking another fifteen blocks or so, they finally spotted a carriage to hire. Quickly they climbed inside and set off for the train station. They had asked the driver to hurry and he did but still the ride seemed to take forever. Sully quickly paid the driver and they rushed inside the station running towards the platform that they knew their train would be leaving from. Both their hearts fell when they arrived there and found the platform deserted.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- one**

**New York City – August 14, 1848**

"Are you sure we have enough money?" Michaela asked.

"The place don't cost much. It ain't that fancy," Sully replied. He stopped walking suddenly and turned to her. "I don't want ya to be afraid. It ain't gonna be like what you're used to but it's a place off the streets and my ma used to work for the people that own it."

Michaela breathed in deeply. "I'm not afraid," she whispered. "Just worried. I hope father and mother got the telegram."

"I'm sure they did. And even if they didn't there's nothing we can do about it."

"You're right. No reason to worry yet I suppose," Michaela said taking Sully's hand as they started walking again.

"I think there's plenty of reason to worry. Elizabeth ain't gonna like this."

"True, but father is reasonable at least. He'll hear us out and be understanding. It's not like we planned this or something."

"I hope you're right," Sully replied pulling Michaela's hand as they turned off onto a side street. "Not much further now but we should stop first and get something for dinner."

Michaela looked at him doubtfully. "We don't have enough.." she began but Sully interrupted her.

"We got enough for what I got in mind," he said smiling at her. "Ya forget I lived most of my life just scrapin' by."

"Right," Michaela said feeling a little guilty. She had never thought much about Sully's life before he had come to live with them. Now seeing the section of the city where he grew up, tons of questions came to mind but she knew this wasn't the appropriate time to ask. Maybe later when they were settled in their room for the night, he would tell her about his life with his mother.

They stopped off at a small store which sold a little bit of everything. Sully made most of the decisions as Michaela was too engrossed at looking around. The people in the store looked at them both warily. At first Michaela thought it was because of their ages and the fact that they were out without a chaperone. Later it occurred to her that this wasn't Boston society and that it most likely had to do with their clothes which spoke of wealth.

They left the store with two bags which Sully held in his hands. Michaela quickly took one so that she could hold his free hand in hers. Truth be known, she was a little frightened but she also couldn't resist the chance to so freely express the way she felt about Sully without worrying about who was looking. They traveled a few more blocks before Sully stopped her. "Well, this is it," he said.

Michaela looked up at a building which had seen better days. The front of the structure was grimy and thoroughly uninviting. It was several stories high and all of the windows were open. Many different sounds traveled down to the street below and Michaela thought how much louder everything was here as compared to Beacon Hill. Steeling herself to see the inside, she turned and smiled at Sully giving a light squeeze of his hand. "Let's go," she said too cheerfully trying hard to cover the nervousness she felt in the pit of her stomach.

Stepping through the doors, her eyes scanned the room. In its heyday this place had been nice she thought. If she squinted her eyes she could block out the accumulated dirt and grime in order to imagine what this place might have looked like. Sully pulled her on across the lobby floor to the counter that ran the back length of the room. To the side was a stair case that at one time had been majestic. Now the woodwork was scratched up and pieces of decorative molding were missing here and there. Two children sat on the stairs staring at her. Tentatively she lifted a hand and waved to them but neither returned her gesture though they continued to stare.

"Is Mr. Jacobson here?" Sully asked the clerk who was seated behind the counter.

"Busy," the man replied not bothering to look up from his paper.

"I'd like to rent a room for the evening," Sully said undeterred by the clerk's attitude.

Waving a fly away from his face, he looked up at the two of them. Turning his head to the side, he spit into a spittoon and then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. Michaela felt sick just watching him and when his eyes met hers she didn't like what she saw there. Quickly she dropped her head and moved closer to Sully.

"What do we have here?" the clerk began looking Michaela up and down.

"We would like to rent a room," Sully repeated pulling Michaela's arm so that she stood slightly behind him.

"For how long?" the man asked turning his head to spit again.

"Just the night," Sully replied.

The man pointed up at the sign above the counter. "Gotta pay for the room in advance." Michaela and Sully both looked up to read the sign which said "Street girls bringing in gentlemen must pay for room in advance."

"We don't mind payin' in advance but she's my sister not a street girl," Sully replied holding back the anger he felt building in his chest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some coins handing it to the clerk.

The man cast another look at both of them before taking the money. "Ain't my business anyway, long as your money's good." He turned around and placed the money in a till. From under the desk, he removed a key and handed it to Sully. "Room's on the second floor, number 218."

"Thank you," Sully muttered stepping away from the desk and leading Michaela up the stairs past the two children who continued to stare. Quickly they found the room and Sully opened the door so that they could slip inside. The room was small with walls badly in need of some new paint. There was window on the other side of the room. It was already open but the room was still stifling. In the middle of the room stood one bed and on the other side of the bed was a chair. On the wall opposite of the bed stood a table with a wash basin and pitcher.

Sully turned to look at Michaela. "Ya okay?" he asked wondering what was running through her head right now.

"I'm fine," she replied. "First time I've ever been mistaken for a street girl," she added a smile spreading across her lips.

"Sorry about that."

"It's kind of funny if you think about it," Michaela said letting go of Sully's hand for the first time since they had left the store. She set her bag down on the bed and then plopped down beside it. Brining her hands up to her hat, she undid the pins that held it in place and took it off. "I mean we must look sort of suspicious. No luggage or anything."

"True," Sully agreed as he watched Michaela roll up the sleeves of her dress.

Michaela looked over at him and smiled. "Since I'm not a street girl, would you mind stepping out of the room for a moment? I have to get out of this corset and take off these petticoats before the heat gets to me."

Sully moved over towards the door laughing. "Sure," he said smiling at her. "Just call me when it's safe to come back in."

**

* * *

****Boston – August 14, 1848 **

"Does it say how they missed their train?" Elizabeth asked her voice surprisingly calm.

Josef looked down at the telegram again. "No Elizabeth, it doesn't but I'm sure they will have a good explanation when they arrive tomorrow evening."

"A good explanation," Elizabeth repeated and then gave a little laugh. "As always Josef, you'll believe whatever cock and bull story Michaela feeds you."

"I am sure they have a good reason for missing the train," Josef returned bracing himself for Elizabeth's reaction.

"Good reason?" She laughed again. "If they had been where they were supposed to be they wouldn't have missed their train, pure and simple." Her voice was becoming more excited now with each word.

"Elizabeth we don't know what happened yet. Don't jump to unfounded conclusions. They deserve to at least be heard."

"They deserve to be heard? Do you think so? Because you know what I think – I think they planned the whole thing!"

"They planned the whole thing?" Josef repeated incredulously.

"They're probably tucked away in some hotel right now doing god knows what." Elizabeth shuttered at the thought. "And here her father sits not even concerned that his daughter is probably being deflowered as we speak."

"I don't believe you just said that," Josef retorted. "For god sake's woman if you thought about us making love half as much as you accuse Sully and Michaela this marriage would be a lot more fulfilling."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at him. "That was uncalled for."

"It was just as appropriate as you accusing Sully of having wrong intentions," Josef returned, his face flushed with his rising anger.

"This is it as far as I am concerned. I don't care what their explanation is. It's time for Sully to go to boarding school."

"Elizabeth!" Josef exclaimed. "Don't you think you're being a little hasty? We don't even know what happened."

"Josef, I have sat by and endured you mocking me. I have watched as your daughter has gallivanted around Boston and Maryland with Sully at her side. I have warned you until I am blue in the face. Take your blinders off Josef! Take Michaela off the pedestal you've put her on."

"How dare you say that? I have never treated Michaela differently than our other daughters."

Elizabeth snorted in disgust. "You wanted a boy, a son to carry on the Quinn family name. I can understand that. But what I've never understood is why you insist on making Michaela into the son you never had, even after Sully came along."

"Why are you bringing this up now? It's completely off topic."

"Off topic? Who are you kidding? If it was anyone of your other daughters in New York with a boy you would be irate. Look how you treated Marjorie over the Paul incident."

"The situations are completely different, you can't compare them. Marjorie lied to us, Elizabeth, for over a month. If Michaela lied to us like that don't you think I would punish her? Don't you think there would be consequences?"

"I don't know Josef, would there? You certainly don't want to stick to the promise you made to send Sully to boarding school."

"I am not relenting on that promise. I am simply saying we need to hear them out."

"Why? So Michaela can butter you up? Convince her father that the golden child can do no wrong?"

"Elizabeth, stop it!" Josef yelled his face full of fury.

"He's going to boarding school," Elizabeth reiterated her eyes boring into Josef's. "Things have gone on long enough but I'm putting my foot down on this one."

Josef hung his head and covered his face with his hands. He felt tired and worried about Michaela and Sully. He had the same questions that Elizabeth had but she was right he was reacting differently because he believed Michaela would have a good reason for missing the train. "Okay," he said resignedly.

"Okay? Okay what?"

"I will consent to sending Sully to boarding school but on my conditions."

Elizabeth considered him for a minute. She was a little surprised he had relented so easily. "What conditions?" she asked her voice calmer than before.

"I choose the school," Josef began. "I want him close so that he can come home some weekends to visit."

"That's fine."

"And I don't want this presented like it's a punishment for them missing the train. I don't think that will accomplish anything."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows as she thought about what he had said. "Covering your own behind?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you Josef. You don't want Michaela mad at you."

"No, I simply don't want this to turn into some big fight. Neither one of them is going to like this already but they will hate it even more if they think it's their punishment. As far as I'm concerned, we present it as a way to help Sully get further in his education."

Elizabeth looked up at him and nodded. "If you think that is best- fine with me."

Josef nodded but he did not feel good about what was happening. His mind flashed back to the day he had been told he was going to boarding school. His mother had been so against the idea but his father had insisted. Truth be known his father's family had insisted.

Why did he continually give into Elizabeth's demands? He shook his head as she left the room, remembering that he had always given in too easily. He gave into his grandmother as a young man, he gave into Elizabeth through most of their marriage and now he gave into Michaela. The one person who he had rarely acquiesced to was his own mother. Maybe if he had only listened to her a little more, things would have turned out differently. The pressure to live up to the Quinn family name seemed to weigh down on him terribly at that moment. Elizabeth had been hand selected by his grandmother. She had pushed them together with help from Elizabeth's own mother. For the first time in his life Josef saw the whole situation clearly. His grandmother had married him off to a rendition of herself.

**

* * *

****Boston – 1858 **

"You were right," he muttered, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "I've been blind for so long."

"Josef?" Elizabeth asked tentatively. "What do you mean I was right?"

"Sully was in Cambridge with Michaela."

"What?"

Josef shook his head. "They've been sneaking around behind our back for years."

Elizabeth felt the overwhelming urge to say I told you so but she suppressed her desire. "Where are they now?"

"Here. I brought them back here," Josef replied his voice monotone and lifeless. He turned and met Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth was startled by the desperation she saw there. "You have to help me Elizabeth. This can't be."

**

* * *

****New York City - August 14, 1848**

"Are ya gonna eat that?" Sully asked looking at the remains of Michaela's dinner.

"No, you can have it," Michaela replied pushing it towards him. They sat on the floor of their hotel room, their backs leaning against the bed frame as they ate the food they had bought at the store. Michaela watched as Sully finished the bread and cheese. "How much money do we have left?" Sully pulled the money out of his pocket handing it to Michaela to count as he was still busy chewing. "Good we have enough for some breakfast and to eat on the train tomorrow." She looked over at Sully who was polishing off another apple. "Well maybe," she giggled.

Sully gave her an odd look and swallowed quickly. "We don't have enough?" He put the apple down quickly feeling guilty for eating food that could be saved for tomorrow.

Michaela laughed. "Go ahead and eat it. I'm only kidding. I never noticed before what a big appetite you have."

As soon as Michaela gave the go ahead, Sully picked up the apple but then hesitated. "Things could be very bad tomorrow when we get back to Boston."

Michaela nodded. "I've thought about it." The nervous feeling she had earlier at the train station returned. "I'm hoping that at least father will hear us out."

"And if he doesn't?"

"I don't know," Michaela said unwilling to speak the thoughts that were in her mind, afraid that by speaking them they might become reality. "I guess we can count on Elizabeth's reaction being over the top," Michaela admitted. "It might be better not to tell her we shared a hotel room."

"We would've slept in the same compartment on the train," Sully reasoned.

"True. Still it might be better not to mention it."

"I guess we're lucky Anna always insists on sending us off with some pocket money. Otherwise tonight would have been spent on a bench at the train station."

"I still can't believe our bad luck. We miss the train by two minutes at the most and then there is no train running to Boston until tomorrow. What a way to end the summer," she exclaimed.

Sully laughed. "Let's try not to worry about what's gonna happen when we get home tomorrow. Let's enjoy our last night without Elizabeth."

Michaela relaxed as she let Sully's words penetrate her mind. "This is a very rare opportunity," she declared. "No Elizabeth to spy on us, no Anne to jump on you, no chaperone to speak of…" Michaela's voice trailed off as a smile spread across her face. "We have the whole night in front of us." She looked over at Sully whose face had suddenly dropped. "I thought you said not to worry," she added lightheartedly.

"Maybe just for a moment we should think about what could happen," Sully began. "If they send me away…"

"They won't," she assured him.

"Michaela we can't be certain that they won't. And if they do..."

Again Michaela interrupted. "Please Sully I don't want to think about that. Let's not talk about that unless it happens."

"But by then it might be too late to talk about it."

"What do you mean?"

"They might not give us another chance to be alone," Sully whispered as a sense of dread overtook him. What would he do if he was suddenly cut off from Michaela?

"I won't let them keep me away from you. It doesn't matter what they do or say - I will find a way to see you." Michaela held Sully's gaze while she spoke these words. For a moment, Sully felt as if he was looking into her soul and realized he would not be the only one lost if they were forced apart. Michaela was as scared of losing him as he was of losing her. "Please," she said shutting her eyes and closing the door to her soul. "Let's think about other things for right now."

"Okay," Sully agreed as he watched her hastily wipe at her eyes. The fact that she was already crying didn't bode well with him. The ominous feeling stayed with him and he knew that when they returned to Boston they would be facing Elizabeth's wrath at the very least. Why had he ever mentioned anything about visiting his mother's grave? This entire situation was his fault.

Michaela could see the tension on Sully's face and guessed that he was probably blaming himself for the jam they were in. "Sully this isn't your fault." He looked down at the ground and shrugged his shoulders. "You needed to go to your mother's grave. No one has the right to deny you that opportunity." Her words seemed to be having no effect as she literally watched him sink into a depressed state. Pushing aside the remains of dinner, she moved closer to him and pulled his head towards her. He came willingly and found himself lying against her shoulder with her arms wrapped around him. "It's not your fault," she whispered against his ear and this time he actually believed her.

They sat like that for awhile, neither feeling any urgency to move from their position. They watched as the room became darker and darker as the sun descended though the evening sky. It was only when there was no light left in the room that Sully finally moved. His legs felt stiff from sitting and he stumbled as he rose to light the lamps. Crashing to the floor, he landed on top of Michaela. Both of them burst into laughter as Michaela quickly brought her hands up to tickle Sully's sides.

"Stop," Sully said as he tried his best to wiggle away from her.

"I thought you liked it when I tickled you," Michaela said removing her hands so that he could get up.

"When did I say that?"

"You dream about it, don't you?"

Sully stood, grateful that the room was dark because he knew he was blushing fiercely. "That isn't exactly what the dream was about. That was Anne's interpretation."

"Oh, so what was it about then?"

"I'm not tellin' ya," Sully replied as he finally made it over to the table and lit one of the lamps. "Some things are meant to be private."

"Even from me?" Michaela asked teasingly.

"'Specially from ya!"

"Now I'm not curious at all," Michaela replied sarcastically. Sully smiled at her as he lit the lamp near the bed and returned to the floor. "If you tell me, I'll answer any question you want."

"Ain't nothin' I wanna ask ya," Sully lied as he enjoyed the back and forth of the conversation.

"Oh come on, tell me," she implored him pulling on his arm.

"There ain't much to tell. I just dreamed that ya were taking off my shirt." The last sentence came out quickly and in a low tone so that it took a minute before Michaela was sure she understood.

"I was taking off your shirt?" she repeated for clarification. Sully didn't respond but began to play with a button on his shirt. "Was I dressed?" Michaela asked dying to know the full extent of Sully's dream.

"Sort of," he replied pressing his lips together. Michaela giggled causing Sully to look over at her. "Is the laughin' a good sign?"

"I just remembered that Anne was the one that woke you up from that dream." She broke out laughing again.

Sully smiled at her. "Yeah, kinda embarassin'. So now I get to ask my question?"

Michaela's eyes grew big. "Was that the deal?" Sully nodded. "Go ahead," she said nervously.

"Ya said ya dream about us sometimes so ya ever dream about things like that?" he asked.

"Like your dream?"

"Yeah."

Michaela blushed as she dropped her eyes to her lap. "Not like that."

"Then like what?"

"One time I dreamed that you were lying on top of me and we were kissing." Her words came out fast and hurried as the blush on her cheeks grew darker.

Sully touched her arm lightly. "Don't be embarrassed," he whispered as he moved in towards her, his breath stirring her hair.

A light giggle escaped her mouth as his hand found hers. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked bringing his other hand up to caress her cheek.

"Make me feel like those things are okay," Michaela whispered as Sully moved ever closer to her. Gently he kissed her lips as his hand stroked her cheek. He began to pull away but Michaela quickly brought her arm up to his neck, pushing him gently back to her so that as their breath mingled their lips met again. Sully pulled back again and this time Michaela let him go knowing that things could not go any further.

"That was nice," Sully whispered as he brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss there.

"I agree," Michaela replied biting her bottom lip shyly. She took a deep breath and sat up straight to look around the room. "Well I guess we better be getting to bed. We have to be at the train station early tomorrow."

"Ya take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor," Sully said as he rose.

* * *

"Sully, Sully, wake up," Michaela said in hushed tones as she leaned over his body.

"Is it time to get up already?" Sully asked wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"No, I think someone is sick in the next room. It sounds like they are in a lot of pain."

At that moment Sully could hear a loud moan coming from the room next door. "Umm.. they aren't in pain Michaela….they're …ummm… they're snugglin'."

"Snuggling?" Michaela asked a confused look on her face.

"Bein' intimate," Sully said trying not to grin.

"Oh!" Michaela's face showed the shock she felt inside. Suddenly she felt extremely foolish. "How do you know that?" she asked turning to look at him as she sat down on the floor nearby.

"Michaela I grew up different than ya. I lived in this hotel for awhile. We heard stuff like this all the time. Ya saw the street girl sign."

"But why are they being so loud? Don't they know we can hear them?"

"They probably don't care. Not everyone lives by Boston society rules."

Michaela let out a slight laugh. His statement called to mind all the questions she wanted to ask about his childhood. "Tell me about your childhood Sully," Michaela whispered.

"Ya really wanna know?"

"Yes."

"Well, ain't much to tell really. I grew up in an apartment building about two blocks away from here. We just had one room."

"One bedroom?" Michaela asked.

"No, one room. It was fairly big though so we were lucky. My mom could read and write and do figures so she taught me."

"You never went to school?" Michaela asked surprised at the thought.

"Not 'til I came to live with ya."

"I didn't know," Michaela whispered as millions of more questions danced through her head.

"I had a job working on the docks. I had only been working there for a few months when my mother died."

"You had a job?"

Sully laughed. "Are ya gonna find everything I say surprising?"

"I'm sorry," Michaela gushed. "It's all so different. I can't believe I never asked before."

"There's a whole world outside of Beacon Hill," Sully said his eyes moving towards the window. "I never knew people lived the way ya did 'til I came to live with ya."

Suddenly something occurred to Michaela that never had before. They had lived completely separate lives and would have continued to if things hadn't happened as they had. Without thinking, Michaela began to speak. "Sully I never would have met you if …"

"My mother hadn't died," Sully finished her sentence. "I know," he said. "I've thought about that before."

"I didn't mean to bring that up," Michaela said feeling bad for mentioning his mother.

Sully continued as if he hadn't heard Michaela. "Sometimes I wonder if ya would have even looked at me if I had passed ya on the street. But then I tell myself that don't really matter. Somehow we would have found each other anyway."

"We would have," Michaela agreed as she rose to climb back into bed. "I love you," she whispered into the darkened room.

"I love too."

**

* * *

****Boston- August 16, 1848 **

Michaela didn't wait as she normally did. There was no counting the minutes after she heard her parent's door close. There were no backwards glances as she walked down the hall to make sure their lights were off. It didn't matter now that they were sending him away. Her mind replayed the day that they had arrived home. Things had gone so well at the train station. There were no angry words or accusing threats. There seemed to be no repercussion from their failed excursion. Michaela had explained about the trip to the grave yard and the carriage, how they had missed the train by less then two minutes and how Sully had secured them a place to stay for the night. She had let herself believe that everything was going to be okay. The afternoon had passed without any disturbance.

Josef had called Sully into his library right before bed and Michaela had known then that something was amiss. Everyone was too calm, too stoic. She had left her bedroom door open waiting for him to pass by as she sat perched on the edge of her bed, wishing that she was in there to defend them, wishing that Sully wasn't taking the brunt of this alone. When he passed by her door, tears stained his cheeks and Michaela felt her heart drop. What had her father said to him? Moving to her door, she watched him slow down and turn towards her. "I leave for boarding school on Monday," he had said calmly as if informing her dinner was ready or the mail had come. His eyes didn't lie though. In them she saw the pain, the hurt and the fear. He turned and walked towards his own room as her father appeared at the top of the stairs.

Before she knew what was happening, her feet were flying down the hall, running at top speed for her father. "Why?" she screamed at him. "Why are you doing this?"

He had grabbed at her arms which she was flailing at him wildly. "Michaela calm down. This is a great opportunity for Sully. This is going to open doors for him. You should be happy for him."

These last words stung Michaela as they cut her to the quick. "How can I be happy when you are making him miserable?" she had screamed running to her bedroom and slamming the door. Over and over again her father had knocked, trying to cajole her to talk to him but she buried her head under the pillows to muffle out his knocking. Soon her pillows were soaked with tears and eventually she gave into the fatigue that pulled at her eyelids as she dropped off to a restless sleep.

Today there had been no chance to talk to him in private. Elizabeth had hovered over the two of them, watching every movement and whisper. Michaela chose to ignore her. She knew that if she spoke to her at all she would only end up yelling and right now her top concern was Sully, who seemed to be more distant than ever.

That was why it was so imperative that she see him tonight, alone. Though she wasn't exactly being careful, she did close her door quietly and tiptoe down the hall so as not to disturb anyone. For a moment, she stood outside his door trying to steady herself. It would do no good to spend the next few minutes in tears - she wanted to be strong for Sully.

Taking a deep breath she opened the door and slipped inside. The lamps were out but she could make out Sully's form by the moonlight. Facing the wall, he lay on his side staring off into space wondering what the day after tomorrow would be like. The sound of the door opening caused him to hastily wipe at the tears that were falling down his face. He felt the bed depress with her weight and before he knew it she had stretched out along his length, laying her head against his shoulder. A labored breath escaped his lips and she wrapped her arm around him snuggling her body up against his back.

"Sully," she whispered his name into the darkened room. "This isn't your fault. Please don't think it is."

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered back, his voice full of sadness.

"I don't want you to leave," Michaela echoed feeling her own eyes fill with tears. "I hate my parents!"

"I don't think Josef wants to send me away to school."

"I know Elizabeth is behind this but it doesn't change the fact that my father agreed to support her decision." Michaela's voice held a great deal of anger and spite. "This is her way of punishing us."

Sully rolled over in the bed to face her. "Michaela please don't get yourself into trouble over this. We have known that something like this could happen. At least I can still come home to see ya on breaks. It could be worse – I could be going to an orphanage."

Michaela felt the tears begin to fall then. She was powerless to hold them back any longer. Sully wrapped his arms around her and they lay in his bed holding onto one another. Their cheeks were pressed against each other as their tears mingled together. Minutes passed and finally they both calmed some as Sully moved away from her slightly.

"I don't want you to come to the train station to see me off," he said, his voice thick with sadness.

"Why not?"

"'Cause I can't take sayin' goodbye to ya in front of your parents. We will both be like this and then they'll just get more suspicious," Sully explained. "Besides I want to be able to hug ya and kiss ya. I can't do that there."

Michaela sat up suddenly in the bed and grabbed Sully's hand. "Say goodbye to me right now like you would if you could," she requested.

"But I don't leave for another two days," Sully protested. Michaela rose from the bed pulling on him. Shaking his head he finally gave in.

They stood facing each other, Sully holding Michaela's hands in his own. Slowly he lifted his head and looked in her eyes. "I love you," he whispered. "How am I gonna go each day without seein' ya? Without talkin' to ya? I need you," he said letting go of her hands and wrapping them around her back.

Michaela pulled him tightly against her so that she could feel each ripple and curve of his body. Her tears began again in earnest as she started to speak. "I love you and I need you too. I will think about you everyday."

"Michaela," he breathed his voice tickling her ear. "Promise me that every night before you go to sleep you'll look at the stars and think about me. I'll do the same and maybe we won't seem so far away."

"I promise," she whispered clinging to him all the more.

Sully pulled away though so that he could kiss her. Their lips met repeatedly over and over in soft gentle kisses. In between they took turns whispering I love you before pulling each other close once again.

Michaela pulled back suddenly her heart racing as she felt Sully's hands descend down her back. "You'll miss your train," she said forcing a smile on her face.

"What?" Sully was confused.

"This was our train station good-bye," she reminded him. Sully nodded his head as she leaned in once more to kiss him. "I'll be counting the days until your first visit home."

"Me too," he replied hugging her tightly not wanting to let go but knowing he had too.

**

* * *

****Boston - August 18, 1848 **

The carriage made its way over the cobblestones bouncing slightly as it traveled along. Inside sat Josef and Elizabeth having only dropped Sully off at the train station moments before. The morning had been confusing for both of them. Michaela had refused to come out of her room and had informed them that she would not be going to the train station by yelling through the locked door. Sully had been stoic and distant. Giving them light hugs as they stood on the train platform, he had not shed one tear.

"I still can't believe Michaela didn't want to come," Elizabeth remarked glancing over at Josef.

"I know, that was odd," he said. "She is so angry with us. I don't even know what to say to her."

"Just leave her be. She'll get over it in time."

"I don't know," Josef replied looking at the houses they were passing. The rest of the ride was conducted in silence as Josef's thoughts focused on Mike and Elizabeth reveled in her victory. Before long they arrived home to see Michaela anxiously peaking out the front window. She watched as they descended from the carriage, with one last hope that they had changed their mind at the last second but she was only further disappointed.

The door opened and they stepped through both unprepared for what was coming. Michaela stood in the entrance to the morning room glaring at both of them but she quickly turned her attention to her mother. "I know this was your doing Elizabeth," she said her voice full of disgust.

"I am your mother and will be addressed as such," Elizabeth responded preparing herself for what was to come.

Michaela ignored the statement completely, turning to face her father instead. "And you let her! I can't believe you let her!"

"Michaela, calm down," Josef's voice was gentle and he walked towards her hoping that she would let him embrace her.

"Get away from me! I hate you!" screamed Michaela.

"Mike, you don't mean that," Josef tried to calm her. "We aren't doing this to be mean. It's not a punishment. This is for the best."

"Who's best?" shot Michaela.

"For Sully's best," interjected Elizabeth. "This school will prepare him for his future as an architect."

"He doesn't want to be an architect. It's what you want!"

"Mike," Josef said laying his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Michaela said yanking her arm away from him. "And stop lying! This is a punishment. I hate you! I hate both of you!" Michaela screamed before turning and running up the stairs.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- two**

**Phillips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts – August 18, 1848**

Mechanically, he opened his trunk and began to unpack. There were shirts and pants to put away. All of them were new; hastily purchased in the last couple of days. Now he came to his pajamas with their neat pinstripes reminding him of the prison he felt as though he was living in. There were socks and long johns to put in the drawers. There were school supplies to be placed on the desk and books to be put on the bookshelf. Each task he did slowly and neatly, concentrating on each little detail so that he wouldn't have to think about other things. Slowly his hand reached into the trunk and touched a ribbon. Hastily, he drew his hand back, knowing what hung on the end of that ribbon. Not yet. He couldn't unpack that yet. This time as he reached back in towards the left, he pulled out the small pictures that he had painted and Michaela had framed two years ago for his birthday. He looked around the room and realized that he wasn't sure if he could hang them or not, so he set them on the end of the bed to be dealt with later.

The trunk was almost empty now as he reached in again, this time pulling out an envelope. His name was written across the front in handwriting he would come to know well. Not that he didn't know whose it was immediately but soon that handwriting would become so embedded inside of him that ever letter bearing it would make his heart surge with joy. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he opened the envelope and withdrew the letter. He let out a shaky breath unsure if he should read the letter now or save it for later. The train ride had been short but it had felt like an eternity as he knew each mile carried him farther away from Michaela. And now exactly twenty-one miles separated them but it might as well have been two thousand as far as Sully was concerned.

Delicately he fingered the letter that lay now upon lap folded into thirds. He turned it over and looked back down at it knowing that he was only prolonging the inevitable. Eventually he would have to think about things, it might as well be now. Quickly he unfolded the letter and began to read.

_Sully,_

_As I write this letter you are sketching. It's been awhile since I have seen you sketch and if circumstances were different, I would be happy to know you were back to enjoying it again. Things being what they are, I know that is your way of expressing your feelings right now. Part of me wants to see what it is that you are committing to paper and part of me doesn't ever want to look because I know it will be painful. I don't know what I am going to do tomorrow when you are not here. Before you came I must have entertained myself some how but I can't seem to remember how. _

_So I will turn to the friends I do have, the ones who never let you down- my books. I will read happy stories and try to cheer myself. I packed you some of your favorites and you should try reading them if you feel sad. Or maybe it's better to read sad stories so that I will be reminded that I am not the only person who has ever felt like this before. I will add some sad books to your trunk so that you can choose. I might read the books out loud and pretend that you are sprawled out on the library floor listening to me. Yet I have a suspicion that I will much more prefer the solitude of my room than the possibility that I may run into the people who brought me into this world only to make me miserable._

_I have already filled so much space without saying all the things I intended to. You know me – never short on words. Yet now I feel like I am purposefully not writing what I need to write because I don't want to start crying once again. The truth is tomorrow you will be gone and there is nothing I can do about it. That is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever had to face. I feel as though there is a string that connects my heart to yours and though I sometimes fear that if stretched too far it might break, I believe it can endure any distance. I will relive the last nine days I spent with you in Maryland over and over again in my head. My dreams will be full of you as I remember the days spent swimming, sailing, talking and sharing. _

_Hold me in your heart as I will be holding you in mine while I count everyday until your first break. _

_Love,_

_Michaela_

The tears had already started to fall and he made no move to wipe them away. Dropping to his knees in front of the trunk he reached in and felt along the bottom until his fingers touched the ribbon. His fingers closed around the key and he brought it to his chest hoping to soothe the ache that continued to linger there. "I'm holdin' ya right here," he whispered into the empty room as he brought his other hand up to cover his heart.

A noise outside of the door startled him and he hastily wiped at his eyes. Quickly he rose and pushed the key under his pillow as he heard the door knob turn. A boy with bright eyes appeared in the doorway. "Hullo," he said cheerfully dropping the bag he was carrying on the end of his bed.

"Hi," Sully returned hoping his face wasn't a mess from crying.

The boy stuck his head back out the door. "Father it's this room," he cried. Before long a pudgy gentlemen made his way through the door, breathing heavy as he toted the boy's trunk. The boy had already turned back to Sully. "I'm Sullivan Ballou," he said holding out his hand.

Sully shook his hand. "I'm Sully," he replied.

"Is that short for Sullivan?" Mr. Ballou, the father, asked wiping his brow.

"No, it's actually my last name but it's the one I go by."

"Still the coincidence of having a Sullivan and a Sully in the same room," Mr. Ballou chuckled. "Is this your first year at Andover?"

"Yes, it is," Sully replied trying to sound proper.

"It's my first year as well. Have you been here long?"

"Just a couple of hours. I took the train up from Boston this morning."

"Boston? Is that where you're from?" Mr. Ballou asked rising from the bed and crossing to the window.

"Yes." He watched as Mr. Ballou stuck his head out the window and waved to someone below.

"It's my mother and sisters," Sullivan informed him. "My mother decided it wasn't proper for the girls to enter a boy's dormitory," Sullivan rolled his eyes and Sully chuckled. "Is your mother like that too?"

"Actually, my mother passed away but I know the type."

Mr. Ballou turned back around. "Sullivan I think your mother and sisters want to eat so let's unpack later." He turned to face Sully now. "If you don't have any plans we would love for you to join us."

Sully swallowed. He didn't want to seem rude but he felt more like being by himself at the moment. Yet what would he do if he was by himself except cry. Maybe it would be good to have a distraction from thinking about Michaela. "Thanks, I would like very much to join ya."

**

* * *

****Boston – August 25, 1848**

As soon as Michaela heard the front door close, she rushed from the library towards the foyer. "Anything for me?" she yelled to Harrison who was carrying the mail to the hall table. Quickly he glanced through it and extracted the letter. Michaela felt her heart leap in her chest. Was this really a letter from Sully? Her feet crossed the short distance rapidly, her hands shaking with the thought that she was about to hold a piece of Sully a little closer.

"Michaela," called Everett from the dining room where he was talking to Marjorie. "What are you doing?"

"Working on the geometry problems you left me," she returned hastily taking the letter from Harrison and scurrying back to the library.

"I'll be in to check in just a moment," Everett replied just as Michaela closed the library door. Retreating to the window seat, she allowed herself to finally glance down at the envelope. The first thing she noticed was the return address – Andover Massachusetts. Her fingers trembled with excitement as she turned the envelope over. Hastily she tore at the paper until she held the letter in her hand. Bringing it to her nose, she inhaled deeply hoping to smell the scent that was uniquely Sully. In reality there was no trace of his smell but to Michaela it was like burying her face in his shoulder. There was no restraint left in her any longer and she quickly unfolded it to read the contents.

_Dear Michaela,_

_I cannot even begin to tell you how hard these first few days have been without you. School isn't that much different than Boston Latin. School wasn't so bad when I remembered that at the end of each day I would come home to be with you. Now I feel sometimes as though I can't stand school. The work isn't any harder but I wish I had you to help with my homework or to at least check over it. I read the letter you put in my trunk every night before I go to sleep. The key you gave me is under my pillow and I fall asleep holding on to it. And I haven't forgotten to look at the stars and think of you. Have you remembered?_

Michaela stopped reading momentarily in order to wipe the tears that had already begun to fall. Yes, she looked at the stars every night too and sometimes if she closed her eyes she imagined Sully standing beside a window looking up at the night sky. Her heart always warmed during those moments and for a few seconds he didn't seem so far away. After making a mental note to include this in her next letter to him, she continued to read.

_The one good thing is that I like my roommate. His name is Sullivan Ballou and he's from Rhode Island. This is his first year here too. He talks a lot about abolition and I told him that I thought you two would get along real well. He says I'm a good listener and I told him I had a lot of practice. (I really miss hearing you talk!) Sullivan says that someday this country is going to fight a war over the slaves and he wants to fight in that war. His family traveled with him when he came to school and so I got to meet them all. They took me out to dinner. His mother is from New York and so we talked a whole lot about the city. He has two sisters and one of them is his twin. She reminds me a lot of that Sarah girl you go to school with. _

Michaela screwed her face up as she read this last line. Sarah was the one who was always hanging around him and asking Michaela about him. Did Sully mean she looked like Sarah or that she acted like Sarah? She made another mental note to ask Sully about this in her next letter before she went back to reading.

_This place is kind of nice. I take a lot of walks especially when I am missing you because I don't want to get upset in front of anyone. I am imaging right now that you are reading my letter, sitting on the window seat in Josef's library. The sun is streaming through the window behind you making your hair shine in its light. You look beautiful. I wish I could see you for real even just for a minute. I guess school starts soon for you though I know Everett is already giving you lessons. I hope all goes well. I miss you very bad._

_Love,_

_Sully_

The tears came fast and hard now as she folded the letter back up and stuffed it back in the envelope. The anger that surfaced from time to time rose up within her and her mind filled with things she wanted to scream at her parents. The library door opened at that moment and Everett entered frowning when he noticed she was not sitting at the desk.

"Michaela, are your geometry problems done?" he asked in a patronizing tone.

Fury flashed through her as she turned to face him. He actually stepped back when he saw her face. "They're done!" she screamed walking over to the desk. Hastily she found the paper they were written out on, balled it up and threw it at Everett. "Do you think my father pays you to spend time with Marjorie? Because my understanding was that you were supposed to be teaching me! So yes I'm done but no thanks to you!" Throwing her head up in the air she started to march past him as tears threatened to overtake her once again.

"Where are you going?" Everett asked feeling a little shaken that Michaela might convince her father that he wasn't doing his job.

"None of your business. Why don't you go check on Marjorie!" With that she stormed from the library and straight up the stairs to her room.

* * *

"I hear you got a letter from Sully today Michaela," Josef remarked as the family sat at dinner that evening.

"Yes," she replied not looking up from her plate.

"What did he have to say?"

"That he's miserable," Michaela replied her eyes focused on the green beans on her fork.

"Now I'm sure that is not what his letter said," Elizabeth interjected. "Perhaps you should bring it down here and share it with the family."

Michaela cast her eyes down the table at her mother. "If he had wanted you to read the letter, it would have been addressed to all of us. It was only addressed to me."

Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath and raised her eyes at Josef trying to get him to say something. Josef shook his head in her direction but still he turned back to Michaela. "Did he mention anything about his roommate?"

Michaela cleared her throat trying to decide whether to disclose any information or not. The idea that one of her parents might get a hold of that letter was making her slightly paranoid so offering some information was probably a good idea. "His roommate's name is Sullivan and he's from Rhode Island. It's his first year at Andover as well."

"See that wasn't so hard," Elizabeth remarked. "How are his studies going?"

"He hates school," Michaela stated succinctly.

Elizabeth sighed. "Really Michaela your flair for the over dramatic is getting a bit old."

"You asked me and I answered you, Elizabeth," Michaela said her voice full of venom.

"Michaela you will not address your mother by her first name - is that clear?" Josef's voice rang out through the dining room causing even Martha in the kitchen to jump. "We understand that you are upset with us but that is no reason to be disrespectful."

"Fine." Hastily, Michaela went back to her dinner wishing to leave the room as soon as possible.

Josef watched her, consternation written on his face. Taking a deep breath, he tried to change the subject. "How was your lesson with Everett today?"

"She was nasty to him," Marjorie interjected before Michaela had a chance to speak.

"Maybe if he was teaching me instead of making eyes at you, I wouldn't have been," Michaela replied casting a hateful glance at Marjorie.

Josef looked down the table at Elizabeth. "Elizabeth have you noticed this?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"No," she said giving a shake of her head as if Michaela was dreaming it all up.

Josef turned back to Michaela unsure of what to make of the situation. "Mike," he began but Michaela interrupted him.

"May I be excused?" she asked quickly unwilling to hear whatever lecture might be coming.

Josef threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Yes, you may be excused."

"Good night," she whispered as she rose. Quickly she left the room as tears began to form behind her eyes. She felt the first one fall when she rounded the corner into the foyer. Running up the stairs two at a time, she took no notice that her father stood at the bottom watching her. Josef felt guiltier than when he had originally agreed to send Sully away. Yet how to actually reverse that decision eluded him. Somehow he would make this up to both of them. He wasn't sure how but he was willing to try almost anything.

Michaela felt better when she was inside of her room with the door shut blocking out her family below. She had seen the look on her father's face when he had excused her and she recognized the pain there but she felt no empathy for him. Never before had he disappointed her like this. Always he had come through and been fair about things even when her mother was unreasonable. In a way this made the situation much worse for her to bear. Not only did she feel as though she had lost Sully, her father had in a sense betrayed the trust she placed in him.

Lying down on her bed, she pulled a pillow to her chest gripping it tightly. The familiar ache filled her chest making it hard to breathe. Tears streamed from her eyes, running down her cheek in rivulets until they reached her bed. Reaching inside the waistband of her skirt she removed Sully's letter reading it once more. It seemed so little at this moment but it was all of him she had to hold onto. These were his words written in his own hand and it was precious to her. Slowly she rose and walked to her vanity. One of the drawers had a false bottom with a lock for hiding valuable jewelry in. Quickly she cast aside everything that was in there as Sully's letter seemed more precious than any earbob or necklace at that moment. After securing the letter inside, she slipped the key on a thin hair ribbon and tied it around her neck. Here the letter would be safe from prying eyes.

Returning to the bed, she resumed her former position again gripping the pillow to herself. A knock came to her door but she ignored it as usual. This was her time to think about Sully without disturbances, to allow the memories of days spent with him to come rushing back. Here hidden inside her room she didn't have to be strong. Closing her eyes, she whispered Sully's name over and over again as if by saying it enough times she could somehow make him appear.

**

* * *

****Andover, Massachusetts **

"Michaela?" Sully asked straightening up in his chair. He had sworn he had heard her calling him.

"What?" Sullivan asked from his own desk.

"Did you hear somebody call my name?" Sully rose and walked to the door. He opened it and scanned the hall with his eyes but it was deserted.

"I didn't hear anything," Sullivan replied going back to his homework.

Sully nodded and then went to the window looking out on the ground below to find the courtyard deserted as well. Again he thought he heard Michaela call to him. Exhaling a deep breath, he felt his chest tighten as the all too familiar pain gripped him. Michaela was not here but wherever she was he knew she was calling out to him. Closing his eyes, he willed her to feel his presence.

**

* * *

****Boston – September 18, 1848**

A gentle knock came to Michaela's door but as usual she ignored it. After all it was probably her father. He came everyday to stand outside her door knocking gently and waiting for her to open to him. She never did. As far as she was concerned there was no reason to. Sometimes he gave up but other times he talked to her through the door. Over and over he would remind her that this was for the best. He would explain again how this school would be good for Sully. Every time Michaela buried her head under her pillows, shutting him out lest she might start believing him. The knock came again and she looked at the door wondering if today he would talk or give up.

"Michaela." The voice was not her father's, it was Rebecca. Michaela sighed feeling even more agitated with her parents and sorry for her sister. Why did they always rely on Rebecca to soothe things over with her?

"I don't want to talk," Michaela replied her voice void of emotion.

"Michaela, please let me come in. If you don't want to talk that's fine but at least hear what I have to say."

Michaela shook her head as she walked to the door knowing she was bound to regret this. Sliding the key into the lock she hesitated for a moment and then opened the door, curious as to why her sister had been sent. Rebecca stood there, her hands folded over her slightly extended abdomen. "How's your morning sickness?" Michaela asked as Rebecca sidled into the room.

"All better. Morning sickness doesn't usually last your whole pregnancy. The doctor seems to think I am already at 22 weeks." Rebecca smiled at her little sister but the smile was not returned. "Oh, Michaela you can't go on like this forever. Father misses you terribly and mother is worried as well."

"I see them both at breakfast and dinner. Trust me - that's enough."

Rebecca let out a slow long breath as she considered the young woman that stood before her. "Let me brush your hair," she said soothingly. Michaela sat at her vanity while Rebecca found her brush and began to comb out her hair. Softly she pulled the brush through her long tresses and Michaela was transported back to another time when Rebecca used to do this for her every morning. "It's been a long time since I brushed your hair," Rebecca remarked.

"It has," Michaela agreed allowing herself to relax some under her sister's care.

"Michaela why are you so angry at mother and father?" Rebecca asked as she moved to the other side of her head to continue brushing.

Michaela frowned at Rebecca in the mirror. "They sent Sully to boarding school – isn't that reason enough."

"But most boys in Boston go to boarding school."

"Sully's not most boys."

Rebecca decided to let the topic drop as she continued to brush out Michaela's hair. After a few moments of silence, she started again. "Michaela I want to ask you something. It's sort of private but it's important that you be honest with me."

"Okay," Michaela said breathing in deeply and steeling herself for what was to come.

"Michaela do you know how a woman gets pregnant?"

Michaela wheeled around to look at Rebecca. "Yes," she said furrowing her brow already guessing where this conversation was headed.

"Well mother's concerned that something may have happened between you and Sully when you were alone in New York." Rebecca was acting rather nervous and Michaela was sure Elizabeth had put her up to this.

"Oh, plenty happened," Michaela said as she watched the look of shock that crossed Rebecca's face.

"Michaela, did Sully do something inappropriate?" Rebecca's voice was hardly louder than a whisper.

"Did Elizabeth put you up to this?" Michaela asked standing now as anger flooded through her.

"Calm down," Rebecca warned. "You aren't going to settle anything by being angry."

Michaela was already moving towards the door as Rebecca was speaking. She heard her sister's words but paid them no mind as she slipped out the door and headed down the stairs. "Elizabeth," she called as she reached the bottom trying to ascertain her mother's location.

Her mother emerged from the morning room. "Michaela I told you to stop addressing me by my first name. I am your mother and you will address me as such."

Michaela ignored her statement completely, unconcerned with her mother's anger. "Why are you sending Rebecca to do your dirty work?"

"What are you talking about?" Elizabeth replied her eyes narrowing as she spoke.

"Don't play dumb. You know full well what you did!"

"Michaela, do not yell at me!"

"You want to know what happened between Sully and me in New York? Is that what you want? Because I would be more than happy to tell you. Sully found us a place to stay, bought our dinner and slept on the floor while giving me the bed." Michaela gasped realizing her mistake too late.

"You told us that you had separate rooms," Elizabeth began her eyes growing wide at the thought.

"I told you that because I knew this is how you would react."

The front door opened at that moment and Josef came in looking from face to face. Elizabeth's nostrils were flared and her face was bright red. Michaela appeared almost wild with her hair loose flying over her shoulders and her eyes flashing fire. Rebecca stood on the bottom stair her eyes wide in disbelief at the scene that was playing out before her.

"They slept in the same room," Elizabeth said turning to Josef.

"What are we talking about?" Josef asked his face clearly showing his confusion.

"When Sully and Michaela were in New York, they slept in the same room."

"You say that like it's dirty," Michaela defended. "We had to because we didn't have much money. Sully slept on the floor and gave me the bed."

"Why didn't you tell us that originally Mike?" Josef asked concerned that she had felt compelled to lie.

"Because I knew she would overreact." Michaela pointed her finger at Elizabeth as she spoke.

"That's it. You're going to the doctor." Elizabeth walked across the floor and grabbed her wrist as if she could take her that instant.

"For what?" Michaela screamed pulling away from her mother.

"To find out if you've been violated." Elizabeth grabbed for Michaela again but Josef stepped in between the two of them.

"Don't be unreasonable, Elizabeth," he warned, his voice was still calm but with an edge to it.

Elizabeth glared at him wanting to say so much more but knowing that fighting this out in front of both daughters would accomplish nothing. "We will discuss this later," she said pushing past him and heading for the kitchen.

Quickly Josef turned to Rebecca who still looked like a frightened animal. "Rebecca, are you okay?" he asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes," she replied swallowing hard. "I think I need to go home and rest," she added her voice sounding strained.

"That would probably be a good idea." Josef continued to watch her as she moved towards the door. Her face was rather pale and she clutched at her stomach in a strange manner. "Rebecca you aren't in any pain, are you?"

"No."

"Why don't you come into the library and rest a moment. I'd like to listen to the baby's heartbeat just to ensure everything is okay." Rebecca nodded as if in a trance and turned towards the library. Josef did not follow her immediately but turned to Michaela who was rubbing her wrist where Elizabeth had grabbed her. "Do you want to hear the baby's heartbeat?" Josef asked hoping to entice her to join them.

Michaela felt unable to open her mouth. The idea of having a doctor examine her to see if she had been intimate with anyone still had her rattled. Another part of her had taken note of the way her father had intervened and for that she was truly grateful. A weak smile graced her lips as she gave a slight nod of her head.

"Good," Josef replied looking extremely pleased as the two of them set off for the library.

Rebecca lay on the window seat with pillows propping up her head. A little of her color had returned now as she watched her father and sister approach. Josef stepped to his desk and opened a bottom drawer pulling out a wrapped package. He smiled to himself at the thought of what was inside, hoping this was the right time to do this. "This is for your future," he said handing the box to Michaela.

Michaela gave him an odd look but opened the box anyway. Inside laid a stethoscope. "This is for me?" she asked her eyes wide with excitement. Josef nodded as she picked the instrument up out of the box fingering the black bell in her right hand.

"Here let me show you," he said taking the stethoscope from her and placing it in his ears. Walking over to Rebecca, he smiled down at his daughter. "Ready?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied a smile forming on her face. Josef felt around on the small mound until he was satisfied he had located the baby. Then he placed the bell of the stethoscope there moving it back and forth until his eyes lit up. He motioned to Michaela who walked over. Gently he walked her through the same steps to find the baby's heartbeat. When she first heard the fast lub-dub in her ears, her eyes lit up and she smiled at Rebecca and then her father.

"I can hear it," she exclaimed. Josef patted her on the back as Michaela pulled the instrument out of her ears. She took her sister's hand in her own and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry mother and I upset you."

"It's okay. You were right. I shouldn't have agreed to talk to you in the first place. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course," Michaela said moving in to hug her sister.

"You will make a fine doctor someday," Rebecca returned sighing contentedly.

"Speaking of doctors," Josef said. "I have been thinking Mike about you spending more time at the hospital." Michaela turned eagerly to face him waiting to hear what he was going to say. "What would you think about spending two afternoons a week at the hospital instead of studying with Everett?"

"Yes," Michaela said enthusiastically making Josef extremely happy. He had been worried that she would say no just to avoid being with him. For a moment, he thought Michaela was going to hug him but she moved abruptly to the side. He took it in stride, happy for the small steps they had made. "I am going to see your sister home," he informed her.

"Father you don't have to," Rebecca interjected.

"I want to," he said. "Mike do you want to join us?"

"No thank you," she whispered. Josef noticed her sudden change in demeanor and wondered what had brought it on. Michaela was thinking about how she wanted to share her news with Sully and it made her miss him all the more. She watched as Josef and Rebecca moved to the door. "Father," Michaela called causing them both to stop and turn around.

"Yes."

"When can Sully come home for a visit?" she asked.

"There is a family open house at Andover the second weekend in October. I thought we'd go up and see him. Would you like to go?" He felt silly for asking knowing that she would say yes.

Michaela's heart sped up as the possibility of seeing Sully became real to her. Eagerly she nodded her head and crossed the floor to Josef. "Thank you," she whispered as she lightly touched his shoulder.

"You're welcome," he returned reveling in the small touch that had let him know that there was healing taking place.

**

* * *

****Boston Train Station – August 1858**

Michaela sighed as she nervously glanced around hoping that someone in her family was going to come and see her off. Only two short weeks ago, she had stood in this very spot and said good-bye to Sully as he returned to Colorado. Her heart was heavy with the memory while her cheeks blushed as she remembered their last night together. The whispered words of love and heated kisses remained with her even now and she longed to feel him in her arms once more. Giving a slight shake to her head, she reminded herself that thinking about that was silly. It would be December before she would see Sully again. Unconsciously, her hands went to her chest feeling for the engagement ring that hung around her neck hidden under her shirt. Soon she thought to herself, soon.

"Mike." Her heart caught in his throat as she heard his voice. Slowly she turned around and saw her father standing there, his arms hanging awkwardly at his side.

"Thank you for coming," she said going to him and giving him a brief kiss on the cheek.

Josef breathed in deeply as he fought back the tears that were building. "Second year of medical school," he said proudly. "Soon you'll be a doctor."

"And I owe it all to you," Michaela reminded him, her tone grateful.

Josef chuckled putting Michaela at ease. "You are the one doing the work," he added.

"Yes but you are the one who helped me get here," she replied. For a moment it looked as if Josef might hug her as he raised his arms slightly. When they dropped back to his side, Michaela felt her disappointment set in. She knew he was still angry with her and Sully over their deception. The simple fact that he had come here today to see her off was a monumental step.

In the distance the conductor called "All aboard," and she knew it was time to go. "Maybe your mother and I will come see you in Philadelphia next month," he said his eyes meeting hers as she turned to board the train.

"I would like that," she said smiling at him.

Quickly he reached for her hand and took it in his own. He remembered how tiny her hand had felt in his when she was a small girl walking the hospital halls with him. Gently he squeezed her fingers. "Good-bye," he whispered.

"Good-bye," she returned finally letting go but her heart soared knowing that they had taken the first step towards healing their relationship.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _

* * *


	53. Chapter 53

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- three**

**Andover, Massachusetts – October 14, 1848**

Lightly her fingers ran over the blue silk taffeta of her skirt smoothing out the wrinkles for the thousandth time. She smiled secretly to herself pleased that the dress had a separate evening bodice and day bodice. Currently she was wearing the day bodice with its high neckline and long sleeves but tonight for the banquet she would wear the evening bodice. The neckline was the lowest she had ever worn leaving her shoulder practically bare. This dress was the latest fashion, bought by Elizabeth a week before. Michaela had recognized it for what it was – another bribe but she didn't care. She had fallen in love with the dress the moment she set her eyes upon it and she felt like a princess in a fairy tale with its billowing skirt floating about her.

Things had calmed considerably between Michaela and her parents, though she still felt angry about their sending Sully to boarding school. Slowly she had accepted their fate and had learned to treasure each letter as she counted the days until they would be reunited for even a brief period of time. She would have preferred to have Sully come to Boston where the chance to be alone would be greater. Yet she was also curious to see Sully's new surroundings and to meet this roommate.

The train ride was a fairly short one but to Michaela it seemed to stretch out for an eternity. Her mind raced with the things she wanted to say to him, afraid she would be able to say none of it. The closer they traveled to Andover, the faster Michaela's heart began to beat. The blood seemed to race through her veins at a dizzying speed making the train car seem too warm even on this crisp fall day. If the inside of her was a flurry of activity, no one would have known it from observing her outside appearance. Michaela sat perfectly still on the seat, in her hands a book that she was pretending to read. Other than smoothing the front of her dress and the occasional page turn, she made no movement.

A sudden lurch of the train made her jump and she raised her head to look out the window. Sure enough they were slowing as they made their approach the station. Gone were the wooded farmlands whose trees were clothed in orange and red. In its place were the outlying buildings of a small city growing ever closer. The afternoon light had waned considerably. She took a deep breath willing herself to remain calm. There would still be a stop at the hotel before a carriage ride out to the school just in time for the Friday evening welcoming banquet. Michaela wished they could go straight to the school but at least she would be allowed to change into her evening bodice at the hotel.

At last the train pulled into the station and she looked up expectantly at her father waiting for him to make the first move out of the compartment. Slowly he closed his medical journal and stretched out his arms with a loud yawn. "Perhaps I should have taken a nap on the way here," he said looking over at Michaela.

"You can always lie down at the hotel for a bit," Elizabeth remarked. "The welcome banquet is not until seven and it's just five now." Michaela clenched her hands at her sides not daring to glance at her mother for fear she might be unable to contain her thoughts.

"I'll be fine. Besides I'm sure by the time we get settled at the hotel and the two of you freshen up we will be running late," Josef said emphasizing the words freshen up. Elizabeth let out a light laugh and Michaela followed her example but vowing to herself to hurry changing her bodice.

Time continued to move slowly, as they made their way out of the train station and to the hotel which was situated close to the depot. Josef quickly checked them in and Michaela was grateful that her father wasn't dragging his feet. Within minutes of entering her room, Michaela had removed her day bodice and slipped on the evening one calling her mother to help her finish buttoning it up in the back. Then she stood before the mirror, making sure her hair was in place. After confirming that it was, she stepped back into the main bedroom her parents were sharing. "I'm ready," she softly whispered.

Josef who was seated in a chair near the fireplace turned to look at her, his eyes widening with what he saw. "Is that new?" he asked gazing on the cut of the bodice. Michaela nodded her head wondering what her father was thinking.

Elizabeth stepped up behind her. "Yes, we bought it a week ago down at Madame Roses. She says the interchangeable bodices are all the rage in New York. Isn't it lovely?"

"Lovely, yes," Josef choked out. "Perhaps a little too lovely," he added.

"Nonsense," Elizabeth replied moving towards Josef. "I think someone needs to remember that their little girl is growing up." Michaela sighed feeling slightly angry that her parents insisted on talking about her like she wasn't present in the room. "Besides all the finest young men in Boston go to Andover. It is important for Michaela to look her best."

Josef smiled over at Michaela seeing the displeasure written on her face. "You do look lovely," he assured her. "I am only being a little sentimental tonight. Sometimes I forget that you'll be sixteen in February." He rose from the chair and started towards Michaela. "I do hope you will allow your father to escort you to dinner this evening, even if he is a little old and senile."

Michaela laughed knowing he was trying to make up for his earlier comment. "It would be my pleasure," she returned lacing her arm through his as they started towards the door.

* * *

Sully stood at the window of his dormitory, his nose almost pressed to the glass as he watched the courtyard for their arrival. Josef had wired him yesterday to tell him that they would meet him in front of his dormitory between six and six-thirty. The clock tower on campus was only now chiming six but Sully was anxious to see Michaela. All day he had done little else but think of her.

"Sully I think you're the only one who is excited that their family is coming," Sullivan remarked as he lazily reclined on his bed throwing a balled up piece of paper into the air and catching it repeatedly.

Sully turned and smiled at him. "Well, they ain't really my family," he reminded him and then realized his grammatical mistake. "I mean they aren't my real family."

Sullivan laughed. "I love it when you relax and mess up like that." Sully rolled his eyes and turned back to the window. "Personally I hope my family's train gets in late. My mother is completely embarrassing and my sisters are all girly."

Sully chuckled as he nervously wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. "Most girls are girly," he said.

"Oh, you know what I mean. All they ever talk about is clothes or their hair. The whole country could be rotting around them and all they'd be worried about is if they had the right dress for the occasion." Sully held his belly and doubled over laughing at Sullivan's description of his sisters. "Is Michaela like that?" Sullivan asked.

"No," he replied shaking his head. "She would much rather tell you how to fix the country."

"Sounds like a girl after my own heart," Sullivan remarked causing Sully to cast him a funny look. "What?" he asked.

Sully hastily turned back to the window, trying to hide the pang of jealousy that was already making its way through his body. Often he had thought about how well Sullivan and Michaela would get along but never had he thought through the implications. "Nothing," Sully finally replied. "Just thinkin' about seeing all of them again." Movement outside the window caught his attention and he eagerly pressed his nose to the glass looking down into the darkened courtyard. A carriage pulled to the front door and people began to ascend. For a moment his heart soared but then quickly fell as he realized it was not the Quinns but Sullivan's family. "Well, look alive," he said turning back towards the room. "Cause your family is here."

"No, they can't be," he replied rising and pushing Sully aside in order to see out the window. "They said to meet them at the banquet. I'm not even dressed yet." He quickly went to the closet and pulled out his formal attire as he began to unbutton his school shirt. "Sully will you please go down and head them off? I don't care what you tell them. Please buy me a little time."

Sully nodded his head grateful for an excuse to remain outside where Michaela would arrive shortly. Quickly he grabbed his coat and headed out the door. Taking the stairs two at a time, he arrived at the front door in a matter of seconds. "Good evening," he said extending his hand to Mr. Ballou first and then giving small bows to his wife and daughters. "Sullivan will be done in a moment," he explained.

"I told you he wouldn't be ready if we came early," Mr. Ballou said turning to his wife.

She laughed and patted him gently on the arm. "Now dear," she began but he cut her off.

"Don't patronize me," he chuckled before turning back to Sully. "How is school going for you son?" he asked clasping Sully firmly on the back.

Sully paid him no mind though for another carriage was now arriving and his eyes were focused on it. Slowly it drew to a halt and the driver stepped down to open the door. Elizabeth was the first to emerge and Sully felt his heart practically leap out of his chest. "Excuse me," he murmured as he pushed past Mr. Ballou heading for the carriage. His eyes never left the door as he watched Josef alight next. Quickly he crossed to them.

Josef wrapped his arms around him in greeting. "Sully," he said warmly. "We have missed you!"

"It's good to see you," Sully replied moving his head to the side trying to get a glimpse of Michaela. For a brief moment, he worried she had not come but as Josef released him, he caught a glimpse of her descending from the carriage.

Before he knew what was happening, Elizabeth also hugged him taking him completely by surprise. "Sully," she said rather formally in way of greeting.

"Elizabeth," he returned as he drew back. "I hope your trip here was enjoyable."

"Oh yes, very. The trees are turning the most magnificent colors…."

She continued to speak but Sully had already lost track of what she was saying as Michaela smiled at him, an amused look in her eye.

"Good evening Sully," she said rather formally as she leaned in to hug him. "I've missed you," she breathed against his ear, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Michaela," he managed to utter before she drew back quickly. At first he was startled at her sudden departure but the voices around him soon reminded him that too many people were watching.

"Sully," Sullivan shouted having only arrived outside. "Bring your family over so we can have introductions all around.

Soon the Quinns were shaking hands with the Ballous and making small talk. Michaela nervously eyed Julia, Sullivan's twin, deciding she did in fact look like Sarah as Sully had written. She only hoped she didn't act like Sarah as well – Sully hadn't been very clear about that.

It wasn't long before the families made their way over to the banquet hall. The boys shed their coats and the girls their wraps, handing them to the cloak room attendant. Sully turned back towards Michaela his mouth dropping open at the sight before him. Michaela smiled at him demurely lowering her eyes a bit. Sully glanced over at Elizabeth and Josef who were already shaking hands with the headmaster.

"Do you like my new dress?" she whispered playfully.

"Beautiful," Sully whispered stepping closer to her.

Slowly the corners of Michaela's mouth turned up until a wide smile graced her face.

"Me or the dress?" she teased.

"Everything," he returned as she stepped in front of him so that she could be introduced to the headmaster as well. Sully threw his head back in frustration as he repressed the desire to hold her close. Later he told himself, wondering if later would ever come.

The evening drifted by torturously slow as different people from the school made speeches and highlighted different aspects of the programs at Phillips Academy. After speeches, dinner was served for which everyone was more than grateful. The adults were fairly engrossed in conversation among themselves which the left the younger people free to talk.

"Sully tells me you are a strong believer in abolition," Sullivan remarked glancing towards Michaela.

Michaela nodded her head as she finished chewing a bite of her dinner. "I am," she replied.

"Do you really think that can be accomplished without a war?" he asked his eyes narrowing considerably.

"If congress would pass an amendment to the Constitution making it illegal to hold slaves, then yes, I do believe it could be done."

"Are you forgetting that congress is made up of more than just northerners? And that the states would have to ratify that amendment?" Sullivan rejoined.

Michaela leaned over towards Sully unconsciously. "I know war seems inevitable," she began but Sullivan interrupted her.

"It's about more than simply slaves. It's about money and power."

"You don't think I'm aware of that?" Michaela returned her face beginning to flush. "I understand why you think war is inevitable. I happen to be an idealist who wants to make the world a better place."

"And I don't?" Sullivan returned.

"War doesn't make the world a better place," Michaela pointed out.

"War is a necessary evil," he replied growing more animated.

"Now Sullivan please act like a gentleman and stop badgering poor Michaela," Julia admonished. "You don't see Sully arguing with anyone." Michaela gave a slight grimace at her use of Sully's name.

"She's not my sister," Sully quickly interjected. Under the table he felt Michaela reach for his hand.

Julia frowned as she looked over at them. "What do you mean she's not your sister?"

"J, don't get yourself all in a tizzy. Sully is their ward – his family is deceased."

Julia rolled her eyes at Sullivan. "My name is Julia not J. You know I despise it when you call me that." Yet Sullivan was paying her no mind instead he was closely observing Sully and Michaela who were eyeing each other. A sly smile graced his lips as his mind began to slowly unravel the mystery that their relationship had held for him.

"I am sorry," Sullivan said leaning towards Michaela, his smile slightly mocking.

"It's fine. I enjoy spirited debates." Sully laughed as she said this and Michaela pinched his hand under the table. His eyes widened in response but he didn't dare cry out.

"Still," Julia interrupted, "I think your behavior was atrocious Sullivan."

"You aren't my mother," he returned, his voice growing louder.

"Children," Mr. Ballou threatened from the other side of the table. One look and they both quieted. Yet as soon as Mr. Ballou had returned to his conversation, they cast nasty glances at one another.

The group returned to eating while Sullivan and Sully told them about the school. They pointed out different teachers who were scattered around the room, telling the three girls stories about each. The end of dinner came too quickly for Michaela who was rather enjoying talking with the group and holding Sully's hand under the table. Before she knew it, they were setting off across the campus back to the dormitories. Dragging her feet, Sully and her settled at the back of the group, whispering to each other.

"I want some time alone with you," she whispered.

Sully nodded. "Me too."

Michaela smiled at him mischievously. "Watch this," she whispered and then in a loud voice cried out, "Father, Mother." They both stopped and turned to look at Michaela. "I left my bag at the banquet hall. I'm going to run back and fetch it."

"Sully, why don't you go with her? We don't want Mike getting lost in the dark," he said chuckling. Elizabeth cast him a look but he ignored it. "We'll meet you at the dormitory."

"Good thinkin'," Sully said as the two turned around and headed back down the path towards the dining hall." Michaela smiled at him and held up her wrist letting the small bag fall out from under her wrap. "Even better idea," Sully added grabbing her hand and pulling her off the brick walkway into the dark shadows of some building. Quickly he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. "I've wanted to do this ever since ya arrived."

"How much time do you think we have?"

"Five to ten minutes," he returned already leaning in toward her lips. Michaela turned her face up towards him and closed her eyes in anxious anticipation. The kiss was gentle and innocent and over all too soon for either of their liking. "Ya look amazing tonight," Sully said wishing to see her one more time without the wrap.

Michaela smiled and as if reading his mind she stepped out of his embrace, shedding the wrap. It fell to the ground but she paid it no mind. Quickly she stepped back towards Sully. "It's chilly out here. You'll need to keep me warm," she said.

"I think I can handle that." He couldn't resist running his hands across her bare shoulders until he reached the sleeves of her gown. Bending his head, he placed a kiss to her right shoulder raising goose bumps along her flesh. Raising his head, her eyes met his and he leaned in to kiss her once more on the lips before laying his cheek against hers.

"What do you think of Sullivan?" he asked reveling in the feel of her body against his.

"Nice enough, I suppose. A little too opinionated for me."

Sully relaxed letting out a short laugh. "Cause you're not opinionated at all," he teased.

"What about this Julia?" Michaela continued her body tensing slightly as she said the name.

"Who?" Sully asked drawing away so that he could see her face better.

"Good answer," Michaela whispered pulling him back down to her lips. After another kiss, she asked, "What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"In the morning, everyone will go through a shortened version of our day. That way the parents get to meet the teachers. The afternoon and evening are free."

"Free? That sounds nice."

"Are you forgetting about Josef and Elizabeth?"

"A girl can dream can't she?"

"Guess we better head back." Michaela nodded as Sully leaned down and picked up her wrap. Leaves were sticking to it so Sully brushed it off before placing it back around Michaela's shoulders. He ran his hands down over her shoulders once again before bringing them to her neck to do up the clasp. Michaela shivered with delight at his caresses.

"Thank you," she said leaning up to place one last kiss on his lips before they started back across the campus.

**

* * *

****October 15, 1848**

Sullivan was already up and bustling about the room when Sully reluctantly opened his eyes. "Are you being loud enough?" he asked sitting up in bed and stifling a yawn.

"Did I disturb your dreams?" Sullivan teased.

Sully smiled but said nothing. He had in fact been dreaming of Michaela only a few minutes before. Slowly he climbed out of bed, stretching his legs and arms and contemplating how to have a few quiet moments with Michaela that afternoon.

"You could have told me," Sullivan said suddenly.

Sully frowned at him. "I could've told ya what?"

"About Michaela."

"I don't understand. I have told ya about Michaela."

"I mean about you and Michaela." Sullivan raised his eyebrows at Sully giving him a sly smile in the process.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sully returned going to the closet to take out his clothes.

"Stop pretending. All those letters back and forth. Some are so long they are practically novels. My sisters haven't written me once in the entire time we've been here. Michaela must write you at least once a week."

"Actually three times a week," Sully replied frowning at his own admission. Quickly, he tried to cover up his mistake. "I told ya Michaela and me are good friends. She just has a lot to say when she writes."

Sullivan laughed. "Did she really forget her bag last night?" Again, Sully simply smiled and went about changing his clothes.

"That's okay, you don't have to tell me. I knew soon as I saw you two come through the door last night. She was all flushed and you were grinning from ear to ear."

"Nobody knows," Sully began a worried look on his face.

"And I'm not going to tell anybody," Sullivan assured him. "Course they would have to be pretty blind not to notice something between you two." Sullivan slipped on his coat. "Now I know why you were so anxious for their arrival. You wanted to see Michaela."

Sully shook his head and sat down to put on his shoes. "You aren't going to let me live this down, are ya?"

"No way," Sullivan said with an amused look in his eye. "I finally got dirt on you," he said playfully before slipping out the door of their room.

The morning went by fairly quickly as Sully walked through his day at the school. Josef and Elizabeth met each of his teachers and both beamed with pride as the art teacher raved about his work. Michaela laughed as Sully told her different things about his teachers and the other students at his school. Besides Sullivan, Sully kept his distance from the other boys, preferring to be on his own. That hadn't surprised Michaela as things had been the same at Boston Latin.

For lunch, they joined the Ballous at a restaurant in their hotel. Michaela and Sully were grateful for the company which occupied Elizabeth and Josef's attention, leaving the two of them more open to talk about what they wished. Of course the presence of Sullivan and his sisters meant some topics were off limits but still there was a certain freedom they found refreshing. After lunch Elizabeth had insisted that Michaela join her at the hotel for an afternoon rest while Josef and Sully went for a walk. At first Michaela had protested but in the end had given in when she realized her father wanted some time alone with Sully.

Josef suggested that they return to the school and walk along the grounds. Though Sully would have preferred to spend the afternoon with Michaela, walking in the woods held its own special appeal. Already he had committed the paths to memory and he readily led Josef through the forest among the colorful fall trees.

"Sully," Josef began looking over at the young man as they walked along. "I know this has been a hard transition for you but you seem to have adjusted well."

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "I guess."

"I feel bad that things happened like they did. The last thing I wanted was for you or Mike to be unhappy. Andover will open doors for you Sully. You will have your choice of colleges to attend."

"What if I don't want to go to college," Sully replied a little fearful of Josef's response.

"That will be your decision." Josef smiled at him allowing Sully to relax. They walked along in silence for a time, the fallen leaves crunching under their feet. "Sully I am trying to do what I think is best for you," Josef said suddenly stopping to look at the young man.

"I know," Sully whispered.

"I know you had a rough childhood. I know that your life was very different before. I wanted to give you a new start – a new chance at a decent life."

Sully studied Josef's face trying to ascertain what he meant. "I do know what you saved me from," Sully finally said. "I know how the orphanages are. Please don't think I'm not grateful. But there is something you need to understand as well. My life was very different before I came to live with you. I still lived with my ma but in many ways I was a man. I had to work so that we could eat and have a place to live. Where I grew up twelve year olds aren't children, they're men. Sometimes it's hard for me to be treated like a child – to have decisions made for me and I don't even get a say."

Josef reached over and touched him on the shoulder. "Do you feel like a man, Sully?"

"Sometimes," he replied honestly. "And sometimes I feel like a little boy. Ya just gotta understand that ya can't be making decisions for me forever. I have to choose my own path even if it don't make sense to ya." Josef nodded his head but his face remained troubled. "That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful for everything you've given me. I am and someday I'll find a way to pay you back."

"Sully I don't expect you to pay me back. I want to do this for you. I love you as if you were my son." Josef moved to close the space between them, hugging Sully to himself. "I mean that," he added.

Sully felt his heart warm as Josef stepped back. "Thank you," he whispered looking up into the older man's eyes.

"I don't know where your life is going to take you, Byron Sully. But I promise that if you ever need my help all you have to do is ask and I'll do whatever I can."

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs – 1867**

Josef stood in their room at the boarding house packing the last of his belongings in his trunk. The stage coach would be leaving in the morning and they would be on it. He shook his head thinking about what a waste this trip had been. A loud banging came to the door causing Josef to look up. Frowning to himself he rose as Elizabeth appeared from around the corner. Another insistent knock followed that one and Josef hastily made his way to the door to open it. Sully stood on the other side obviously upset.

"Josef," he said in a hoarse voice pushing past him into the room.

Elizabeth took one look at him and knew something was wrong. "Sully, what is it?" she asked as fear crept into her heart. "Sully?"

Sully acted as if he didn't hear her, his sole focus was Josef. The two men stood facing each other as Sully began to speak. "I know that there's a lot of bad blood between you and me. And I know I have no right to ask for your help." Sully's voice cracked as he spoke and Elizabeth recognized that he was fighting back tears. "If I wasn't desperate I wouldn't be here right now. One time you promised that if I ever needed anything, you would do whatever you could." Sully lost his struggle and tears began to slip down his cheek. His voice ached with desperation as he spoke and Elizabeth knew then that something was terribly wrong. "I'm asking you to make good on that promise now. I need your help now more than I ever have. Please you have to help me."

**

* * *

****Andover, Massachusetts – October 16, 1848**

Saturday afternoon and evening had been frustrating at best for Michaela and Sully. There was hardly a moment alone. If Elizabeth and Josef were absent, then they were sidled with Sullivan and his sisters. Sullivan who was aware of the situation had actually tried to give them time alone together but Julia and Isabel were uncooperative in each of the endeavors. As Sunday dawned, both Michaela and Sully woke with heavy hearts knowing that today would be the last for this visit.

The Quinns rode out to the school one last time to attend the Farewell Brunch with Sully before returning to Boston. Again, speeches were made and food served. Things were just wrapping up when Sullivan spoke up. "Dr. Quinn, I know you have to be going soon but could Sully and I take Michaela down to see the horse barn?"

Josef looked at him strangely. "Michaela doesn't ride," he replied.

"We aren't going riding. I only wanted to show her the horses."

"Sullivan loves his horses," Mr. Ballou spoke up. "Can't get that boy away from the barn at home."

"Do you want to go Mike?" Josef asked an amused expression on his face.

"I think it would only be polite," she responded. Elizabeth smiled in approval as she had taken an instant liking to Sullivan.

"Okay," Josef replied.

The three wasted no time in exiting the dining hall and starting off towards the barns. "I really am going to the horse barns," Sullivan informed them. "Why don't we say about twenty minutes and we'll meet back here."

Michaela looked from Sully to Sullivan wondering if she had missed something. "Thank you Sullivan," Sully said grabbing Michaela's hands and pulling her into the woods.

"Sully does Sullivan know about us?"

Sully turned toward her and nodded. "I didn't tell him. He says he just figured it out."

"You don't think he read any of my letters?"

"Nah," Sully replied. "'Sides he got me a few minutes alone with ya so I can't complain."

"True," Michaela sighed.

Sully stopped walking and looked at her, his smile slowly fading. "This is so hard," he said his eyes pooling with tears.

"I know," she whispered raising a hand to wipe at her own eyes.

Sully pulled her to himself cupping her face in his hands. "Do you still look up at the stars at night and think about me?"

"Every night," she whispered.

"Me too."

"Sometimes I feel like you're there with me," she replied her eyes never leaving his.

"Really?" he asked. Never had he told her about the night he heard her calling his name but now he was reminded of it.

"Really," she affirmed.

"One night I thought I heard you calling to me. I even looked in the hall and outside the window. I could have sworn I heard you." His words moved her and she quickly leaned in to kiss him. Sully pulled back a little smiling. "We really shouldn't waste our last few minutes crying."

"You're right," she agreed leaning in to meet his lips once again.

After a few more gentle kisses to the lips, Sully pulled her tight and rested his cheek against hers. "If this is what every good-bye is going to be like, I might not hate it so much."

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed but he only laughed.

"Thanksgiving break seems like forever away."

"It's just a little over a month," Michaela reminded him.

"But then I gotta come back here and spend my birthday alone."

Michaela pulled back so that she could see his eyes. "Maybe not," she whispered.

"Whadda ya mean?"

"I have a plan." Sully opened his mouth to ask another question but she raised her finger to his lips stopping him. "It's a surprise so it will do you no good to ask any more questions."

Sully let out a groan but then leaned in for one final kiss. "I'll be counting the days," he said.

"I'm already counting the days," Michaela laughed as they turned to walk back to meet Sullivan.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- four**

**Boston - December 5, 1848**

With her wrap pulled tight around her, she stepped from the carriage onto the busy street in front of the train station. Quickly she paid the driver, before giving a hurried look around. The fear that someone would recognize her continued to plague her and she knew this was not a time for indecision. Standing at the door of the train station, she took a deep breath of the biting winter air. Once she passed through these doors, the deception would be committed; there would be no going back for her. Dropping her eyes to the ground, she took a first tentative step and then another until she had reached the ticket counter.

"One round trip ticket to Andover, please," she requested.

The clerk looked at her, his eyes raised in slight surprise. The gloved hand, the expensive hat, her voice - all spoke of wealth. If he had to guess he would say Beacon Hill or Back Bay. It was rare to see a young women of her means traveling unaccompanied. As he took her money and handed her the tickets, he glanced around looking for a companion. "Train departs from platform six," he informed her.

"Thank you," she said turning and walking towards the platform completely alone.

The knot in her stomach tightened as she looked down at the tickets. Her fingers traced the letters of the word Boston and then the letters of the word Andover. The beat of her heart increased as she thought about the distance that separated them. Someone jostled her from the side and she looked up at the crowded platform, grateful that she could lose herself among the sea of faces. Again she dropped her eyes and pulled her hat low on her head, fearing someone might recognize her. It would not due to get caught before she even left.

"All aboard," called the conductor causing Michaela to jump at the unexpected shout.

"No turning back," she whispered to herself. Thoughts of Sully raced through her mind and competed with the guilt she felt for lying. Yet as she found a deserted compartment and settled down, she felt the guilt begin to lift, replaced by anticipation and excitement. She was excited to see Sully but there was also an exhilaration that came with the sneaking away. Novels were made of this stuff but never had she thought her life would prove so interesting. A secret smile formed on her lips as she settled back against the seat with her bag beside.

The train lurched forward letting Michaela know they were underway. She giggled and patted the bag beside her eager to begin Sully's birthday celebration. Did he suspect that she had planned something? His depression upon leaving after Thanksgiving had given no hint that he knew she had something in the works. Thanksgiving had gone by so quickly with only two chances for them to be alone. The first night after his arrival, she had taken the risk of sneaking into his room. They had sat up long into the night talking and holding onto each other until noises down the hall reminded them how easy it would be to get caught. Quickly Michaela had returned to her bedroom without repeating that trip on any of the other nights due to the lingering fear of being discovered. The Saturday of Thanksgiving break they had both spent with Josef at the hospital. Late in the afternoon as they waited for Josef to finish rounds, they took the chance to say a private good-bye knowing that on Sunday Sully would return to Andover. Neither had shed a tear though both felt the heaviness of their hearts. Michaela had laid her head in Sully's lap while he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Hasty goodbye kisses had been exchanged but it never seemed to be enough.

Today would not be like that. True they would only have a few hours but Michaela planned to spend them wisely. In addition, they would not have to worry about being caught like they did at home so the whole experience would be stress free and hopefully completely enjoyable. Michaela turned her face to the side, watching the farms as they rushed by. Each mile was brining her closer and closer to Sully.

**

* * *

****Andover, Massachusetts**

"Sully, come on – it's time to get up," Sullivan exclaimed standing at the foot of Sully's bed and beating his fists on the mattress.

Sully raised one eyelid to peek at him. "It's Saturday. I don't have to get up."

"But you promised that you would go with me to the train station this morning. My father thinks he is taking us both out for a late breakfast."

"I still don't understand why your father is coming for a visit? You were just home for Thanksgiving. And why is he arriving at the crack of dawn?" he asked pulling a pillow over his face.

"It's not the crack of dawn. As a matter of fact – it's after eight. Plus I already told you that father has business to attend to here. He is just meeting us for breakfast beforehand."

Sully groaned as he rolled over in his bed wondering why he had ever agreed to this. "I'm starting to regret that I agreed to go."

"I promise it will be well worth your while," Sullivan replied having a hard time suppressing a grin. Slowly Sully sat up in bed and stretched his arms in the air. "Happy Birthday," Sullivan exclaimed thrusting a wrapped package towards him.

A wide smile spread over Sully's face. "Thanks," he said still holding the box with a shocked expression on his face. He had steeled himself for a day spent without one remembrance of his birthday. The fact that Sullivan not only remembered but had bought him a gift was touching.

"Well, go ahead and open it."

"Oh, right." Quickly Sully tore off the brown wrapping to reveal a wooden box inlaid with a star design. Sully ran his fingers over it admiring the wood and the inlay work. "It's beautiful – thank you so much."

Sullivan blushed as Sully thanked him. "Thought you could use something to keep Michaela's letters in. And I chose that design because you're always looking out the window at the stars every night."

Sully nodded his head as a secret smile graced his lips. "Thank you," he reiterated. "Maybe this birthday won't be so bad after all."

"Maybe," Sullivan agreed turning quickly before his face gave everything away.

* * *

They stepped from the carriage and Sullivan turned to pay the driver before Sully and he made their way into the station. Sullivan headed for platform three while Sully stopped to read the schedule. "Sullivan are ya sure it's three?" he asked. "Says here, three is coming from Boston."

Sullivan grimaced as he tried to quickly think of some explanation. "He had business in Boston," he replied wondering how long he could keep using the same excuse. Sully shrugged and followed him towards platform three. The platform was practically deserted and the boys had their pick of benches as they waited for the train.

Finally they left the farmlands behind and headed into the outskirts of Andover. Michaela clasped her bag firmly in her hand anxious to be there already. Her stomach was again in knots as she wondered if Sullivan had been able to carry out his end of the plan. As the train slowed, she stood holding onto the car for support as the train lurched backwards before stopping completely. Moving into the hall, she took no notice of the other passengers, her eyes looking out the window. There he was standing beside Sullivan searching the faces of the departing passengers. Her heart skipped a beat as she headed for the door.

Sully looked up and down the platform for any sign of Mr. Ballou. Catching a glimpse of a young girl through the train window, his heart caught in his throat. It had looked exactly like Michaela. Quickly he dismissed the thought as a mind trick. Michaela was in Boston attending the medical symposium with her father. He sighed and looked down at the ground trying not to feel sorry for himself.

Leaping from the last step, she ran across the platform towards them. Sully's face was now cast downward but Sullivan saw her and waved excitedly. After a gentle nudge from Sullivan, Sully looked up his eyes unfocused as he still searched the crowd for Mr. Ballou. A look of recognition passed over his features as she came nearer. His mouth curled into a huge grin and he quickly closed the last bit of distance between them. They both embraced the other as if they hadn't seen one another in years when in truth they had spent last weekend together.

Sully pulled back still not letting her go. "Are ya really here? I'm not dreamin', am I?"

"You aren't dreaming. It's your birthday surprise that I promised you."

"Your father's not coming?" Sully turned to ask Sullivan.

"No, silly. I brought you here to meet Michaela," Sullivan replied pretending to be exasperated.

Michaela let Sully go and he reluctantly followed suit. "Thank you so much Sullivan. I couldn't have done this without you." Michaela reached over and shook his hand her eyes beaming with gratitude.

"No problem," he said. "If you two don't mind, I think I'm going to head back up to school to go for a ride."

Sully smiled. "Have fun," he said waving as Sullivan turned to go. Michaela also waved as she bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet. "I have so many questions. I'm not sure where to start." Sully remarked turning back to her. "How long do we have?"

"My train leaves at three so almost five hours." Interlacing her fingers through his, she pulled him towards the exit.

"How did ya manage to get away from Boston?"

"Let's see – father is at a medical symposium for the day, mother is at a garden club event that won't be over until after five. They both think I'm at school working on a project."

"A project?" Sully asked as they slipped out of the door and around the side of the building to greet each other properly.

"Umm-hmm," Michaela said as his arms tightened about her once more. "A very important project." Sully smiled as he leaned in and kissed her forehead. Michaela looked up at him narrowing her eyes. "What was that?"

"A kiss," Sully said feigning confusion.

"Happy birthday," Michaela whispered bringing her hand up to his neck to push him down towards her.

Sully resisted enjoying the torment he saw in her eyes. "Thank you. And now for a little over two months I can only be one year younger than ya," he said laughing.

"Numerically maybe but you're still almost two years younger than me." Sully shook his head at her need to always be right. Michaela stood on her tiptoes gently placing a kiss on his lips. The urge to open his mouth over hers occurred to him but he restrained himself choosing to pull her close to him instead. Michaela rested her head against his shoulder and let out a sigh of contentment.

* * *

The day was truly wonderful. The bite of the winter air was chased off by a warm December sun allowing them to walk in the park, talking and holding hands until lunchtime. For lunch, Michaela took Sully to a restaurant as she had planned and there was even cake for dessert in true birthday fashion. She had already given him a birthday gift at the family celebration they had on the Saturday evening following Thanksgiving. The gift had been stationary since they seemed to write each other more and more frequently all the time. She had thought about getting him something else for today but decided that her being there would be the present.

After lunch, they returned to the park they had visited early and seated themselves in a grove of trees shutting themselves off from the world around them in order to spend these last moments alone. Sully leaned back against a tree with Michaela sitting between his knees. One arm was wrapped around her held firmly in place by her hand. His other hand ran through her hair which she had worn down just for him. Her other hand rested on his leg where she absent mindedly made circles with her fingers. "I could stay here forever," she said snuggling back against him.

"Ya ain't cold?" he asked causing her to giggle.

"How is it that at school you speak all proper but when we're alone you revert back to your former self?"

"Cause this is me relaxed," he replied squeezing her hand that held his in place.

Michaela laughed again. "No, I ain't cold," she teased. "It's nice and warm sitting here with you."

"Think of it – only two more weeks and I'll be home for Christmas break. Three long glorious weeks."

"I think of little else. I only hope we get more alone time then at Thanksgiving."

"Maybe I need to learn to be sneaky like ya," Sully said playfully.

"I wish we were spending Christmas with Anna," Michaela replied wistfully. "I find myself missing her immensely."

"John and Ida too," Sully added. "It would be nice to see them again soon. Maybe we can go for Easter."

"I doubt it," Michaela began. "Mother wouldn't want to go at any rate."

"Do ya think she'll stop us from going next summer?"

Michaela laughed. "Do you really have to ask?"

Sully chuckled. "I guess not." A noise above caught his attention and he raised his eyes to the treetops to see a bird fly off. "Hey, look up," he said nudging Michaela's back and pointing to a clump of green in the bare branches. "Mistletoe."

"So it is," Michaela replied turning in his arms to face him. Sully's fingers entwined in her hair and she gasped as his fingers brushed over her sensitive scalp.

"Do you like that?" he asked seeing the look of bliss on her face.

"Umm-hmm," she said catching her bottom lip between her teeth as her body tingled with a strange excitement. Gently his fingers continued to massage her scalp in tiny circular motions. Her hand came up to stroke his cheek as their eyes locked. Within moments, Sully was kissing her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids, repeatedly over and over as if he couldn't get enough of her. Michaela cupped his face in her hands stilling him as his lips brushed over hers once more. She felt his mouth open over hers, his tongue brushing her lips but she froze unsure of how to reciprocate.

Sully pulled back a little trying to catch his breath and ascertain that Michaela was alright. Her breathing was heavy but the look on her face was one of contentment. "Happy birthday," she whispered opening her eyes to meet his once more.

**

* * *

****Boston Massachusetts – December 25, 1848**

An icy rain fell on the streets of Boston but the Quinns didn't mind. They were tucked inside their home in Beacon Hill enjoying the remnants of a wonderful day spent with family. The grandchildren played contentedly in front of the fire in the morning room as the men sat together on one side of the room and the women on the other. Josef was telling some story that had the men all laughing while the women were talking about names for Rebecca's baby and trading stories of their own birthing experiences. Michaela and Sully sat nestled together at the top of the stairs, their favorite place to get away during family celebrations. Michaela's head rested on his shoulder her eyes closed as his fingers worked against her scalp.

"Thought you were gonna be lookout," he teased noticing her state.

She giggled lightly. "You're too distracting."

"Ya mean my fingers are too distracting. I'm starting to regret the first time I ever did this."

Michaela sighed contentedly. "I guess you didn't know the effect it would have on me."

"I guess I didn't know that I would have to massage your scalp every time we were alone together."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she replied knowing that he secretly loved it.

Leaning his mouth close to her ear, he whispered, "I figure it's one of the few places I'm allowed to touch ya without us gettin' into trouble."

Michaela blushed fiercely. "Sully," she said admonishingly at his boldness. Yet the truth was she had wondered what his hands would feel like on other parts of her body.

"Ya never think about that?" he asked knowing he was making her uncomfortable.

She gave a slight shake of her head. "Only boys think about things like that."

"Lying is a sin," he teased. "And on Christmas of all days." He feigned shock as he looked down at her.

"Well listen to Mr. High and Mighty chastising me for lying when he's got all kinds of wicked thoughts running through his mind."

"So ya were lyin'?" Sully asked between bursts of laughter.

"Maybe, just a little," she admitted tilting her head up toward him, longing to feel his lips on hers. Every since the birthday visit, she had wondered what it would be like to open her mouth over his like he had done. And then if both of their mouths were open to each other… to have his tongue exploring hers. That one thought danced continually through her mind as she tried to work up the courage to do it. Slowly their lips met in a gentle but firm kiss as she decided to act on her thoughts. Her mouth began to open and she felt him press against her, his hands running up and down her back.

"Michaela, Sully, our guests are leaving. Come say good bye," called Josef's voice. They broke apart each staring at each other with wide eyes. Another moment interrupted.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 27, 1848**

Michaela sat in the morning room, her new diary in her lap as she wrote about these last few days with Sully. Unbeknownst to her, Sully stood in the doorway watching her. Each movement of the pen was animated and he was entranced by her own reactions to her writing. A giggle here, blushing there and then a large smile spreading across her face.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked entering the room.

Michaela looked up at him. "Writing in the diary you gave me."

"So ya like it?"

"I love it," she replied snapping the book shut so it locked and pressing it against her chest.

"What were ya writin'?"

"Diaries are supposed to be private!" Michaela exclaimed as Sully advanced closer to her. Before she knew it he had grabbed the diary from her hands and run to the other side of the room. "Sully!" she chastised him as she quickly covered the distance separating them holding out her hand expectantly.

"Come and get it," Sully teased now running to the complete opposite side of the room.

"Sully give it back to me! It's private!"

"Private?" he teased. "That means it's got good stuff in it." Now he held the diary just out of her reach as she jumped to grab it from his hand. The doorbell rang causing both of them to turn and look in the direction of the front door. Harrison answered the door, taking a slip of paper from the messenger with a few exchanged words. They watched as he walked past the morning room heading for Josef's library.

"Hmmm," Michaela began, "I bet Father is needed at the hospital."

"Probably," Sully replied lowering the book to Michaela's level. "Here ya go," he said holding the diary out to her. As soon as Michaela made for the book, his arm shot back up in the air hoisting it out of reach. Quickly, Sully made for the stairs, taking them two at a time as Michaela tried to overtake him.

"Sully," Josef's voice echoed from the library door. "Could you please come down here a minute?" His voice was solemn. Both Michaela and Sully sensed it immediately and momentarily panicked. Sully turned to walk down the stairs brushing by Michaela as he passed before handing back her diary. Josef met him at the bottom and put a hand upon his shoulder. "Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Sully turned his face up to look at Josef, confusion blearing his features. "What is it?"

"Telegram that came a few minutes ago was from Andover. Seems Sullivan's father passed away two days ago."

"But that was Christmas day?" Michaela said as the reality set in.

"Mr. Ballou?" Sully asked searching Josef's face for an explanation.

Josef shook his head and swallowed hard. "Yes. The funeral will be tomorrow in Smithfield where they live. I thought you and I might go to show support for Sullivan in this time of grief." Sully nodded as the rest of his body felt too stunned for the moment to even move.

"I want to go to," Michaela interjected ready to fight with her father if necessary. She had seen the shadow that had settled on Sully and knew her presence was needed.

Josef opened his mouth to refuse her but as he looked at the stunned expression on Sully's face, he realized that Mike's presence might be good for him. "Okay," he whispered wondering how Michaela would react to death. She had never had much experience with funerals and such. Her own grandparents besides Anna had died before she was born and since then he could count on one hand the number of times she had been to a funeral.

**

* * *

****Smithfield, Rhode Island – December 28, 1848**

Joining the thong of people outside the church, Josef gripped the hands of Michaela and Sully. Mr. Ballou appeared to be a well loved individual judging from the sea of grieving faces. Michaela glanced at the church startled by the plainness she found in its form. The church was nothing like the one they attended in Boston. There was no ornate stained glass windows save one. The structure was brick instead of the grey stone that she was used to. Once inside she noticed there were no kneeling benches – only rows of wooden pews facing the front. The front intrigued her as well. There was no crucifix, no double lecterns, and no candles gracing the altar. Only one pulpit stood in the middle and in front the casket covered with flowers.

The three of them took a seat just before the family was brought in. Mrs. Ballou leaned heavily on the arm of a man Michaela didn't recognize but she assumed it was a relative. The children followed behind. Sullivan had his arms wrapped around his little sisters as they both walked with their heads bowed and tears dripping from their cheeks. Sullivan himself appeared stoic, his head held high as he stared straight ahead.

A man greeted the family at the front offering his condolences and Michaela quickly glanced over at Sully whose attention was directed on Sullivan. The family sat down while the man moved to the pulpit. He wore no robes to distinguish himself but Michaela realized then that this must be the pastor. The service was different than anything she had ever experienced. For one, everything was in English instead of the Latin she was used to in the Catholic Church. Literally as she listened to the service and the bible verses, she was mesmerized by this different style. The pastor spoke of the love of a Savior who would hold the family close at this hour. He spoke of the endearing qualities of Mr. Ballou that had made him so well loved. Michaela heard the muffled cries of the girls as they pressed their heads against Sullivan's shoulder. She saw Sullivan's own shaking form and realized that he too must be crying.

Instinctively she gripped her father's hand, imagining that the situation was reversed and she was in their place. What would she do without this man in her life? Josef, as if sensing her thoughts let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close. Michaela drew strength in his presence but could not help the tears that fell as she dwelled on the possibilities. Reaching over Josef she grabbed Sully's hand holding it in her own, not caring what her father thought at the moment.

Sully looked over at her fighting a losing battle with his own tears. His mind flashed back to four years before when he had stood at his mother's graveside with Josef's arm wrapped around him while a small service was performed by the priest. This wasn't fair he thought to himself. Not fair to Sullivan, not fair to Julia, not fair to Isabel and not fair to Mrs. Ballou. It struck him then that he had never known life to be exactly fair. He was a product of that unfairness. A father he could barely recall, a mother who had taken her own life, a pawn sent off to boarding school. His eyes met Michaela's briefly and he took a deep breath. Out of all the unfairness, here was the gift he had been given. Closing his eyes he thanked God for her. Josef lightly squeezed his shoulder trying to reassure him and Sully leaned in to rest his head against Josef's shoulder drawing comfort from his presence.

Josef noticed that Michaela had taken Sully's hand but he thought nothing of it. He was sure that Sully needed all the gentle reassurances he could get. This had to bring back painful memories of his mother's passing. Josef took a quivering breath, his heart strangely warmed at the feel of Michaela and Sully pressed against him. His heart went out to the Ballous and he prayed that his family would never have to know this kind of grief for many years to come.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1860**

It was over. It was all over. People were streaming from the graveside, headed back to their own lives to try to chase away the sadness of the day. Only Loren and Maude stood beside him, their heads bowed in grief. He looked at them intently as a fresh stab of guilt struck his heart. This was his fault. All of this was his fault and they didn't even know it. If it wasn't for him, they would still have their daughter beside them.

Loren looked up to see Sully's tear stained face gazing into this own. The older man reached out to touch his shoulder comfortingly. "She loved you Sully. I know this is hard but remember that she loved you." As he spoke, Loren broke down anew, tears splashing haphazardly down his face. Again the guilt coursed through Sully's body. She had loved him. Was that true? He supposed it was. Had he ever loved her? His chest heaved with the thought of what he had done. Of what his own foolishness had done. Looking up into the heavens, he cursed God for the lot he had received in life. What was his life but one cruel twist of fate after another?

Maude sensed the anger rising up in Sully and moved to stand beside him. "It's okay to be angry with God," she whispered her own hand seeking Sully's. Angry at God. The thought ran through Sully's brain. Was he angry at God? If he was, that anger was misplaced. He knew it even then. He had no one to blame but himself for the events of the last week. He had enacted the plan and carried it out. He had said the hurtful words.

Everything was gone now- everything. There was no reason to live, no reason to carry on. Everyone had left him - his father, his mother, Abigail…. Michaela. The image of her face crossed through his mind and he suddenly jerked away from Maude. Turning his face to the sky he screamed out in rage. Quickly he began to run trying to escape the pain and the guilt that hunted him down. Without direction or purpose he ran. Without memory or remembrance he ran. It was not fast enough. It would never be fast enough. He could not escape. Throwing his body down on the forest floor, he allowed himself to be caught. There would be no more fighting. It was over- he had given up.

**

* * *

****Smithfield, Rhode Island – December 28, 1848**

The house was full of people, too many people. Sullivan longed for the chance to be alone without the constant reminder that his father was gone. His eyes searched the crowd looking for Sully. He had glimpsed him earlier and longed to see him again. Sully needed to know of Sullivan's decision. As if he had willed it, the crowd parted and Sully stood there catching Sullivan's eye. Quickly he hurried over to the group of three standing near the window.

Sully saw Sullivan approaching and grew nervous wondering what to say. "I'm so sorry," he muttered.

Sullivan nodded his head, pressing his lips together to stop the tears that still threatened to escape. "Would you come with me?" Sullivan asked him. Sully looked up at Josef who nodded. Quickly Sully followed Sullivan through the crowd and out a back door onto a veranda. The coolness of the air felt good after the stifling presence of the crowd pushing in from all directions.

"Are ya okay?" he asked as Sullivan began to pace back and forth.

"I guess," he replied shoving his hands deep in his pockets. "How do you get over it, Sully? When does it stop hurting so bad?"

Sully drew a shaking breath. "It's hard at first," he said. "But time really does heal even if right now it don't seem like it would."

"I dream of him Sully. I dream that he's not dead. Do you ever dream about your mother?"

"I dreamed about her all the time right after she died. And even know I still do sometimes." Sully turned to look out on the backyard trying hard to hold in his own tears.

"I'm not going back," Sullivan whispered causing Sully to turn quickly towards him.

"To school?" he asked.

Sullivan nodded. "I am needed here right now. I wanted to tell you – to let you know."

"Thank you," Sully whispered as his heart dropped within him. The one friend he had at the school was not returning. The one thing he looked forward to in that prison would be gone.

"I guess I better go back," Sullivan began as he turned towards the door. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute," Sully replied turning back towards the yard. He heard the door close and he let the first tear fall down his cheek as the news washed over him. Was it really possible that just yesterday morning, he had been laughing? That he had been happy? How quickly life changes he thought. The opening of the door made him jump and he turned quickly to see Michaela standing there.

"Are you alright?" she asked taking a step towards him.

"He's not going back to Andover," Sully whispered. She closed the distance between them, thankful for the privacy they had. Quickly her arms wrapped around his back as he buried his head on her shoulder. "I don't know how I'll stay there without him. He was my one friend."

"I know," Michaela whispered soothingly rubbing his back and wishing she could take away his pain.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E. 

**Chapter Fifty- five**

**Boston – December 31, 1848**

The night sky was pitch black. Clouds obscured every star while the moon seemed non-existent. Rain fell continually from the sky and had been falling for several days. A streak of lightening lit up the night sky illuminating two figures lying on the floor of Sully's room. The only other light came from the few dying embers in the fireplace. Huddled together for warmth and whatever comfort they might find, Sully lay with his head on Michaela's chest. Her fingers traced a familiar pattern up and down his back seeking to soothe him. In two days time, he would be heading back to Andover alone.

"Will this rain ever stop?" Sully said his voice full of sadness.

"It can't rain all the time," she replied bringing her hand up to rest at the base of his neck.

"Sometimes it feels like it does though." Michaela knew he was referring to things other than the rain. Ever since Mr. Ballou's funeral, Sully had been depressed and Michaela felt powerless to help him. She felt Sully roll away from her as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Michaela," he whispered, "I don't want to go back to Andover."

Michaela sat up beside him. "I know," she sighed feeling the weight of his dilemma.

"I've been thinkin'," he muttered, his voice barely audible. His tone worried Michaela and she reached over to take his hand in hers. "I ain't gonna go back."

"I'm not sure you have a choice," she pointed out rubbing his hand with the pad of her thumb.

"I'm gonna go to New York and work on the docks," he said lowly but decisively.

Michaela couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Sully, no – you don't mean that. You're just upset, that's all."

"Ya don't understand. The only thing that made that place bearable was Sullivan."

"Then we'll talk to father and tell him how unhappy you are there," Michaela replied hastily trying to think of any excuse for him not to leave. Sully shook his head but remained silent. Michaela dropped her eyes to the floor as the first tears began to fall. "Why do you want to leave me?" she whispered.

Sully's heart fell hearing the hurt in Michaela's voice and he knew he need to help her understand. "Michaela I don't wanna leave ya," he replied. "I want to stay here with ya but it just feels impossible. I'm not a little boy anymore. It's time for me to start making my own way." Moving to sit behind Michaela he leaned back against the bed reaching for her. Swiftly Michaela moved to sit between his legs, leaning back against him. Sully took a deep breath trying to hold back his own tears. "I need to make some money. Show your father that I'm worthy of ya. I can't rely on your family's kindness forever."

"But you're only fourteen," Michaela argued. "You should be in school."

Sully laughed at her comment. "Michaela, I told ya before most boys my age work – they ain't in school. Things aren't the same in other places as they are in Beacon Hill. In most places they'd expect me to work and earn my keep."

The truth of this statement was not lost on Michaela but she didn't want to accept it yet. Turning on her side, she lay her ear over his heart seeking solace in the rhythm she found there. "Please don't leave yet," she begged. "Just give it until Easter and if things are still bad…" She couldn't bring herself to say the rest of it.

Sully swallowed hard hearing the desperation in her voice. He knew he would be unable to deny her what she was asking. "Until Easter," he whispered in agreement leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "But only 'til then." Michaela looked up at him and nodded as her heart soared with gratitude. Looking down at her, Sully noticed that her nightgown had come unbuttoned at the top and he allowed his eyes to linger there a moment longer than he should have. "Ya better be goin'. Your parents are gonna be home soon," he said hastily taking a deep breath to calm his thoughts.

"I don't want to leave you tonight," she whispered running her hands down the arm she faced. "I wish I could stay." Sully knew that what she meant was just to be physically in the same room with him but still his mind was working on the thought. It had always amazed Sully how her physical touch soothed him and to think what would happen if that touch was unhindered by clothing made him begin to physically react.

"I wish ya could too," he said sitting up straighter so that he pulled away from her slightly.

"Are you okay?" she asked glancing back up at him when she felt him withdraw from her.

"I'm sorry Michaela but I umm….your gown…. " Michaela looked down and noticed that it had come unbutton at the top revealing more of her chest than normal though nothing was plainly exposed. She blushed as she hastily buttoned it back up.

"Sorry," she said shyly. Bringing her hand up, she stroked his cheek and than lightly ran her fingers over his lips. As she started to pull her hand away, Sully stopped her. Slowly he brought her fingers back to his lips and he placed a soft kiss on each fingertip. Michaela felt mesmerized as she watched him kiss each digit before placing a kiss in the middle of her palm. When he finally let go of her hand, she didn't want him to stop. She turned now so that she sat on her knees in front of him, his legs on either side of her. Leaning her hands against the bed, she leaned in to kiss him hoping to repeat their Christmas night encounter without being interrupted. Their lips met in a light tentative kiss as Sully's hands encircled her waist pulling her closer to him. His lips did not remain still however but began to travel down her neck. She closed her eyes leaning her head back so that he could have better access. A small gasp escaped her mouth as she felt him kiss the place between her neck and shoulder. She leaned further into him but suddenly Sully pushed her away as he scooted a short distance across the floor.

"Sorry," he said his body trembling and his breathing labored. "We need some ground rules."

"Ground rules?" Michaela asked as a giggle escaped her throat.

"In the past things never got like this," he said nervously folding his hands in front of him. "I don't want things to get out of hand. It feels good to have ya close when I feel like this but …." His voice trailed off as he hoped Michaela understood.

Michaela sighed. "I know. It's like inside I feel like my heart is breaking but I forget all about that when you kiss me."

Sully smiled at her as he let out a deep breath. "How come you can always say everythin' better than I can?"

"It's a gift," she teased. "Some of us were blessed with it and some of us weren't." Sully laughed as her eyes lingered on his lips knowing it was time for her to go. "I guess I better go."

"Probably," he returned. They both rose and walked to the door. Before opening it, Sully leaned over and gave Michaela one more light kiss. "Night," he whispered near her ear.

"Good night," she replied feeling her heart sadden knowing that is two days he returned to school.

**

* * *

****Boston - March 20, 1849 - Easter Week**

Michaela knew as soon as he entered the house that he had made up his mind. The way he looked at each detail of the room as if seeing it for the last time. The sadness was there in his eyes but he smiled when he saw her as the cloud momentarily lifted. She hugged him briefly in greeting because her parents were present. Her heart beat wildly within her knowing that he was leaving. Desperately she wanted him to stay, to return to Andover but she knew that was selfish and would only serve to make him miserable. She hadn't thought it possible but his happiness mattered much more than her own.

Sully watched Michaela carefully knowing she was well aware of what was coming. The letters had told the story long before his arrival. They didn't talk about it though. Each day was spent trying to be as happy as possible. Every moment alone was cherished even if it lasted only five minutes. Each tiny touch, every innocent kiss, even the brushes when they passed one another on the stairs or in the hall were committed to memory. Easter week passed quickly in that way. It was Good Friday before they spoke about it at all.

"What are your plans?" Michaela whispered as they hid themselves away in the backyard.

"For right now - go to New York, get a job on the docks, make some money."

"After that?"

"I don't know yet. I wanna go west because I heard that a man can make a lot of money working the mines. But I don't wanna go too far from ya."

"Are your going to tell father?"

"Part of me wants to but I think it will be easier if I don't."

"I have some money," Michaela began.

Sully shook his head. "No, I have taken things from this family long enough. I need to make my own way." Michaela began to protest but Sully silenced her by placing a finger to her lips.

"I don't wanna fight when we only have a little bit of time left."

Michaela quieted, already scheming a way to get him to take the money. Reaching over to him, she took his hand in hers. "When you go west maybe I can go with you," she whispered not daring to raise her eyes to his.

Sully turned quickly to look at her. "That might be in just a few months."

Michaela nodded. "Okay," she breathed nervously.

Sully's brow wrinkled unsure of what she had just agreed to. "Okay?" he asked.

"I could leave in a couple of months," she said finally raising her eyes a little.

"But that would mean ya couldn't go to medical school." Michaela nodded her head and dropped her eyes once again. "I wouldn't ask ya to do that," he said. "'Sides I hear things are pretty bad out west for a single lady. What if somethin' happened to ya? I don't wanna take that chance."

"We could get married," she whispered drawing her hand away from his as if preparing herself for rejection. "I've read that in the territories, girls only have to be fourteen to give legal consent."

"Boys too?" he asked almost playfully.

"I don't know but do you think they would even check. I mean isn't it the girl they'd be worried about."

"I suppose," Sully agreed reaching for her hand again but remaining quiet. A loud sniffle from Michaela caused him to look up. Tears pooled in her eyes and ran down her cheek wetting the front of her dress. "Don't cry Michaela. I just don't want ya to go yet. If I was to carry ya off, I don't think Josef would forgive me."

Michaela nodded. "I know," she said. "I don't want to go sneaking off but I don't want to be away from you either."

"It's not forever," he reassured her. "And I'll visit when I can. New York isn't that far away."

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "And when you go west?"

Sully shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "I need time to figure that part out."

* * *

**Boston – March 22, 1849**

Quietly Sully slipped down the hall as promised, tapping lightly on Michaela's door. Quickly it opened to him and he stepped inside. A weak moon filtered in through the window as Michaela and he sat down near the fire, sharing a blanket with each other.

This was supposed to be their final good-bye. He had asked her once again not to come to the train station with him and she had agreed knowing that her tears would be a telltale sign that something was amiss.

"When do you think the school will send word that you didn't arrive?" she asked leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I don't know. I figure I got at least a day or two before a telegram comes. That's enough time to get settled."

"What if they ask me?" Sully looked at her pleadingly but remained quiet. Could he really ask her to lie? "Don't worry," she reassured him. "I simply won't tell them."

"Maybe it'd be best if I didn't write for awhile. That way you could tell them you honestly didn't know where I was."

Michaela panicked at the thought of no letters. "No, please don't do that."

"Just until they calm down," reasoned Sully.

"Why don't you wait until school's out for the summer?" Michaela whispered in one last attempt to hold onto him for a little longer.

Sully knew what she was doing and felt himself actually getting a little angry. "Michaela we agreed I'd give it until Easter. You don't understand. It's not just that I don't fit in there. The other boys are impossible. I guess when Sullivan was still there maybe he kept them away. I don't know but they constantly are pickin' on me. It's all I can do not to get in fights with 'em. I'm sick of it Michaela and I'm sick of feelin' like some charity case that your family took in."

"But maybe during the summer we could convince father to let you go back to Boston Latin," she said in last ditch effort. Sully did something much unexpected then. He leaned over and kissed her firmly on the lips.

Michaela knew that the kiss was her good-bye as much as to silence her. "Sully," she began but he quickly interrupted her.

"Michaela, I can't go back there," Sully whispered into the dark of the room.

"I know. " Her voice was full of sadness. "I know," she repeated as if trying to convince herself. "I just can't stand the thought of you going away."

"It'll be okay," he tried to reassure her. He reached out in the darkness and found her hand.

"Please don't leave Sully," Michaela suddenly cried out as tears poured from her eyes. Sully dropped her hand and placed his arm around her instead. She instinctively leaned her head on him as her tears wet the front of his shirt.

"It's only for a little while, Michaela. I promise- I will come back."

Michaela tried to compose herself. "I know, I know," she repeated. Sully kept an arm around her as she leaned on his shoulder. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity.

Knowing the hour was late, Sully finally spoke, "I gotta go, Michaela. I don't wanna get ya in trouble."

Michaela nodded and raised her head, the tears threatening to fall again. "Sully?" she breathed, her voice thick with unspoken grief.

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget me."

"Never," he promised. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead feeling his own tears sting his eyes. "Never," he repeated again before rising and returning to his own room.

**

* * *

****Boston Train Depot – March 23, 1849**

Fearful that she might run into her father, she searched the platform frantically and could not find sight of either of them. It wasn't Josef's style to accompany Sully into the station. Usually they said their good-byes in the front so that Josef could hurry off to the hospital. Stepping up onto the train past the conductor, she ran down the hallways of the cars looking in each compartment. On and on she ran pushing past passengers who stared wide eyed at her. She didn't care- the only thing that was important was seeing him once more before he left. Having no luck in the first car, she quickly passed into the second one, her breathing heavy and labored. And then she saw him, just making his way into an empty compartment at the end of the second car. Lifting up her skirt she ran faster than she had ever run before. Rounding the corner into the compartment, he looked up at her startled. Her eyes were wild and her breathing heavy.

"Michaela, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said gasping for breath and closing the distance between them. "I just had to see you one more time."

"What if..." Sully began but Michaela cut him off.

"I don't care, I don't care," she repeated over and over hugging him to herself. Sully dipped his head and kissed her, thankful that she had risked discovery to see him once more.

"I love ya," he whispered as he pulled back to look at her, framing her face between his hands. Michaela ran her fingers over his features trying to memorize every detail. "I'm coming back. I promise."

"I love you," she returned. "Write me as soon as you get there so that I can have your address. Promise me."

"Michaela, we already went over this - your parents..."

"Sully, please. I won't tell them where you are. Please," she begged. Sully nodded unable to resist her request as tears began to pour down her cheeks.

"No tears," he whispered wiping hers away as his own began to fall.

She shook her head. "No tears," she repeated wiping at his now. Again he kissed her, relishing these final seconds together. "Here," she thrust the small leather bag towards him, untangling it from her wrist."

"What is it?"

"Things you will need. Don't open it yet - after I'm gone."

"Please tell me you didn't put money in here," he began but Michaela's fingers on his lips silenced him.

"Sully let me help you," she pleaded as he began to thrust the bag back towards her. It was the desperate look in her eye that stopped him.

"I'm going to pay ya back one day." Michaela nodded, though she knew when the time came, she wouldn't take the money. The train whistle blew in the background and Michaela knew it was time to go. Again their lips found each other in gentle innocent kisses that they repeated over and over again until Michaela had to drag herself away. He held onto her hand until the last second as he walked with her to the door of the train. Neither could find their voices as they began to let go of each other. Tears stained both their cheeks. She stood there watching as his train pulled out of the station, not bothering to wipe at the deluge that ran down her cheeks. "I love you," she whispered as the train pulled out of sight.

* * *

March 28, 1849

_Dear Michaela,_

_I am staying at the same place we did when we got stranded in New York, address is enclosed. I have already found a job on the docks and I start tomorrow. I suppose your parents have now found out that I didn't return to school. I hope you are holding up okay cause I wouldn't want it to be too much for you. _

_Last night I fell asleep looking at the stars and thinking about you. Are you looking at the stars too? I dreamed about you and it felt so real that I cried when I woke up and realized you weren't here. This is harder than I thought it would be. At Andover I knew when the next visit would be but now I don't. You tried to tell me that but I wouldn't listen. There is so much more I want to tell you but I want to get this in the post for now.. I will write you again tomorrow._

_Love,_

_Sully_

* * *

April 3, 1849

_Dear Sully,_

_Thank you for keeping your promise. I am real careful about checking the mail before father or mother see it but just to be safe don't include your return address on the outside. I am happy that you have already found work. Please let me know if you ever need money. I don't want to think about you going hungry or sleeping on the street because you don't have enough money. _

_I am going to Anna's this summer and hope that maybe we can see each other briefly when I pass through New York. That one thought has kept me from crying several times this week. I look at the stars every night and think about you. I try to imagine I am with you in your room there in New York and we are holding onto one another. But we are always older in my thoughts and there is no one to stop us from being together. I dream about you almost every night and when I wake up and remember you are gone, I cry too. _

_A telegram came from the school two days after you left asking why you had not returned to after the break. Josef and Elizabeth are very worried about you and I fear that it may be hard for me not to tell them something to put their minds at ease. I won't tell them where you are though so don't worry. I think father blames himself for your running away. Sometimes in the afternoon I like to go up to your room and lay on your bed. The other day when I went up, father was in your room. He had been crying and it broke my heart to see him so upset. He really does love you. I want you to know that. Today it struck me how much you have given up for me and I am grateful. I know I haven't always realized that but I do now. I am eagerly awaiting your next letter. Take care of yourself and please be careful._

_Love, _

_Michaela_

* * *

Western Union

To: B. Sully – 111 West Third Street New York, NY

From: M. Quinn, Boston, Masssachusetts

_Sully- Father thinks you have gone to New York and has decided to go there and try to find you. He leaves today. Michaela_

* * *

April 6, 1849

_Michaela,_

_I saw Josef today. You will probably see him before this letter gets to you. I am afraid he is very angry with me but there really was nothing I could do. He wanted me to come back to Boston with him and I refused telling him about my plan to go west. He offered me money and I wouldn't take it. He asked me if I was in love with you and I told him that I thought of you like my sister. Was that the right thing to do? Maybe I should have told him how I feel about you. We fought about my staying here and about my not taking the money. We hugged before he left but I am pretty sure he is still angry with me._

_Thank you for the telegram to warn me. I know you took a risk to do that and I am grateful. Of course I would love to see you when you pass by New York if we can arrange it. What will you do at Anna's for a whole summer without me? I'm just kidding. I know you will find lots of stuff to do. _

_Last night the sky was clouded over and I couldn't see any stars. Those nights are hard cause I feel like you are cut off from me. Then I told myself that no matter how much time and distance separates us you will continue to be in my heart. It made me feel better but I would still much rather be with you._

_I have made a friend. His name is Daniel and he wants to go west too. We have agreed to share a room at the boarding house so that we can save more money for our trip. He is the same age as me and doesn't have any parents to speak of. His mother works on the streets and he doesn't know who his father is. I feel bad for him because of that but he is real nice. I wish you could meet him. He can read a little but he can't write. I guess I was pretty lucky that I learned both. And to think I even know Latin thanks to you. Guess it's not everyday an Andover boy comes to New York to work on the docks. _

_Let me know about this summer. As always I miss you terribly and love you very much._

_Sully_

_

* * *

__April 20, 1849_

_Sully,_

_Sorry if this is all blotchy but I am crying as I write this. Once again Elizabeth has managed to ruin my life. She insists on a chaperone accompanying me to Baltimore because she doesn't want me traveling alone. They are making me go with William Burke, the most annoying person in the world. I don't see how I will be able to see you now and that is simply killing me. It's only been a month but it feels like so much longer. Today I spent two hours laying in your bed and smelling your pillow over and over again while I threw myself a gigantic pity party. I hate this! I hate my parents! I hate Andover and all the stupid boys who go there! _

_I am sorry this letter is not happier. I can't even think of anything happy to say so maybe I better just stop writing for now. Hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to write something happy. I love you and miss you terribly!_

_Michaela_

**

* * *

****Baltimore, Maryland – May 31, 1849**

Michaela stepped down from the carriage before William could even offer her his hand.

"I would have helped," he remarked.

"I don't need help," she replied brushing past him to search the dock for any signs of John.

"We're early," William reminded her. "He probably isn't here yet."

"Right," Michaela said crossly.

"Well aren't you a regular ray of sunshine today."

Michaela glanced over at him a perturbed look upon her face. "I didn't ask you to be my chaperone. My mother insisted."

"And apparently you have taken out the anger intended for her on me," William replied crossing his arms over his chest and hoping John arrived soon.

Michaela looked at him and began to fell a little guilty. He was right – it wasn't his fault Michaela had been sidled with a chaperone. "I have been rather disagreeable," she muttered. "Sorry about that."

William whirled around to look at her acting stunned that she had apologized. "Today Michaela Quinn apologized to me. I think I better write this down." Michaela laughed at his antics but rolled her eyes at the same time. Suddenly William spotted something over her left shoulder and he raised his hand to indicate she should look. Turning slowly, her eyes fell on John walking across the wooden dock towards them. Without any care in the world, she ran the distance to John and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Now that sure was a greetin'," John said taking off his hat and wiping his brow. "Yes, sir – a mighty fine greetin'."

Michaela laughed. "John, it's so good to see you."

"It's good to see ya too. Now let's say we get your bags so Mr. William can be on his way. I know there is some people itchin' to see ya."

Michaela smiled as she turned and headed back towards the carriage. William met them half way with Michaela's luggage in hand. "Eager to get rid of me?" Michaela asked.

"Touché," replied William giving her a slight smile. "I'll see you in August," he said.

"August," Michaela repeated as she sighed heavily at the thought of traveling with him again.

"Ya been givin' that boy a hard time?" John asked tucking her bags under each arm.

"I guess," Michaela replied as they started off towards the sailboat. The thought of the sailboat saddened her. If Sully were with her, he would be running to it right now, ready to sail after a winter away from it.

"Ya miss Sully?" John asked noticing the change in her demeanor.

"Yes," she said looking over at the water longingly. "Very much."

"I gotta surprise for ya in the boat," he said.

"What kind of surprise?"

"Well if I told ya it wouldn't be a surprise," John laughed. Michaela punched his arm playfully.

"I can't even get a clue?"

"You're mighty impatient Miss Michaela. We almost to the boat."

Michaela sighed but picked up the pace, anxious to see what John was referring to. It wasn't long before they were standing in front of the boat. John climbed on first and then Michaela handed over her bags. Next, John helped her on. Eagerly Michaela looked around. "So what's the surprise?"

"I painted the deck," John teased. "Doesn't it look nice?"

Wrinkling her face up, she gave him an odd look. "Real nice," she replied wondering if he was kidding or not.

"Your surprise is down below," he returned as a wide smile settled on his face.

The words were barely out of his mouth when Michaela took off for the hatch that led down below. Quickly she climbed down the stairs, unsure of what she would find. Hastily she looked around. "John, where is it?" she called still seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

Stepping from behind a small partition, Sully smiled at her. "It's right here," he said.

Michaela's mouth dropped open in shock as she let out a squeal. "Sully!" she exclaimed running to him and throwing her arms around him. He quickly reciprocated, pulling her close and kissing her gently on the lips. "I can't believe it," she said looking up at him, her eyes hungrily drinking in his features.

"Believe it," he said leaning in and kissing her again.

**

* * *

****Outside of Soda Springs, Colorado – November 1864**

Frantically he urged the horse on as the thought that he had lost her once again set in. He railed against it, screaming his frustration out into the crisp fall day. Not again he thought, not again. He had to see her even if just for one last time. There were so many things to say. So many things he had never said. Digging his heels into the horse's side, he pressed on rounding a bend in the road at top speed. His face lit up as the stage coach came into view. One last time, he dug in his heels and laid himself low over the horse's neck racing like the wind to catch up with the stage.

"Stop the stage," he called coming along side it.

The relief driver looked startled and trained a gun on Sully while the main driver pulled back on the horse's reigns. "We don't want no trouble mister," the young man began, warily eyeing this white man dressed like a savage.

"Me either," Sully said. "I only need to speak to one of the passengers on the stage."

"Sully?" Michaela asked as she glanced out the window of the stage.

"Michaela!" he exclaimed his heart soaring with unspoken joy. "Don't go," he pleaded quickly. "Please don't go."

Swiftly Michaela stepped from the stage as he dismounted his horse. "What are you saying Sully?" she asked swallowing hard against the tears that had been building all morning.

"I'm sayin' I was stupid and foolish and wrong. I don't want ya to leave – please say you'll stay."

Michaela hesitated as she looked up into his eyes seeing the love reflected there. "But you said…"

Sully interrupted her. "Forget everything that I said. Listen to what I am saying now. Dr. Michaela Quinn I love you and I can't live another day without you - please come back with me to Colorado Springs."

The edges of Michaela's mouth began to curl as her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Turning to the driver she said, "Please throw down my bags."

"We can't refund your ticket, m'am," he explained, hesitating to get her bags and leave her with this man.

"Hmm," Michaela responded. She had barely heard him, feeling herself rather lost in Sully's eyes.

"She don't care about the ticket," Sully answered for her. "Just throw down her bags."

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! Just wanted to let everyone know I will be gone for the weekend so probaby no new chapters until Monday - I will miss the story but will be ready to write when I return. Thanks! _


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- six**

**Cambridge, Maryland – May 31, 1849**

Droplets of spray hit her face as the boat cut through the waters of the Choptank River headed for Anna's house. Occasionally she watched the passing landscape or watched the sails snap in the wind but mostly she watched Sully, still amazed that he was here. She had so resigned herself to not seeing him that the reality of his presence was actually hard to accept. He busied himself with helping John for most of the trip but whenever he had a few spare moments he came and sat with her, both smiling at each other but neither saying a word.

Before they had departed Baltimore, Michaela had asked him how he had come to be here. Sully had explained how he had been writing Anna and that she had invited him even going so far as to send the train ticket. He had accepted the train ticket because he needed to see Michaela and he wanted to see Anna. Michaela had not pushed father than that, afraid that his needing to see her had to do with an impending departure for another part of the country. Instead, she focused every bit of her attention on watching him and smiling. For now that was enough.

The trip to Anna's passed quickly and it seemed that in no time they were docking the sailboat beside another smaller boat. Michaela leaned over the side of the big boat smiling down at the miniature replica below. "Who's boat?" Michaela asked turning back towards John and Sully.

"It's for y'all," John answered glancing over at Sully as he said it.

"For me and Sully?" Michaela asked raising her eyebrows. "It's so little," she squealed with delight.

"It's a late Christmas and birthday present from Anna apparently," Sully explained. "She had it made for us to take out onto the river and explore with. Plus she thought I could teach ya to sail something that small."

"I could sail this boat if I wanted to," Michaela stated throwing her hand about to indicate the big boat. "I simply don't have any interest."

"Keep tellin' yourself that," Sully teased. John laughed in the background while Michaela pretended to be angry. Without a word to either of them, she climbed off the boat and stomped up the dock towards the house. "Well someone's in a mood," Sully exclaimed tossing the bags over the boat railing and onto the dock.

Michaela turned with a mischievous glint in her eye to look at Sully who had now climbed out of the boat. "You'll see by the end of the summer, I'll be able to sail better than you."

"Is that a challenge?" he asked.

"No that's a promise," she teased walking back to punch him playfully on the arm.

"Oh you are so gonna regret sayin' that."

Michaela laughed and leaned down to pick up one of the bags before they started up the lawn towards the house. "How long have you been here?" she asked noticing for the first time that only her bags had been on the boat.

"Two days," he replied taking a couple of long strides to catch up to her.

"Why didn't you write and tell me?"

"I thought it would be a nice surprise. It was, wasn't it?"

"Very nice," Michaela replied smiling over at Sully. She lifted her free hand to lightly brush against his arm. "Very nice," she repeated. "No Josef. No Elizabeth. No sisters or chaperone of any kind."

Sully laughed as she rattled off the list. "Just you, me, the sun and the river," he added beaming from ear to ear. "Couldn't ask for a more perfect summer."

Michaela nodded as they began the climb up the steepest part of the lawn toward the front porch where Anna and Ida were standing. As they came closer, Michaela suddenly took off, running the short distance to the porch to hug the two women. She dropped her bag on the ground and approached Anna first.

"Michaela, it is so good to see you," Anna said hugging her granddaughter to her chest. "Look at you. I can hardly believe you're only sixteen. You look so grown up."

"Just wait 'til she climbs out of this dress and into her summer cottons," Ida began. "That hair will be all wild soon enough and that skin all bronze. She might look more like the Michaela we know then."

Michaela laughed as she hugged Ida. "I probably will," she agreed feeling the need to change out of the oppressive Boston dress as soon as possible. "Don't let the dress deceive you. I'm still wild at heart."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Anna added smiling widely. "What did you think of our little surprise?" she asked as Sully joined them on the porch.

Michaela smiled. "I thought it was wonderful but you know father…"

Anna interrupted her. "I figure what your father doesn't know won't hurt him." She raised her eyebrows at Michaela. "Besides I think your father has been listening to your mother for too long. Andover, come on… I wouldn't wish that uppity place on my worst enemy." Michaela smiled at Sully and they both laughed at Anna's comment. "How about the boat? Did you see the boat?"

"I did," Michaela answered. "Thank you," she said reaching up to hug Anna once again.

"Ida, John and I thought the both of you would enjoy it," Anna explained with Ida nodding in agreement.

"We will," Sully said. "Michaela seems to think she will be sailing circles around me by the end of the summer."

"She might just be right," Ida replied giving Sully a wink.

"It's in her blood," Anna added. "My father was a terrific sailor."

"Ain't no one gonna take my side," Sully complained.

"Wait 'til John gets up here," Ida laughed giving him a small pat on the back.

"Okay but right now I'm gonna take these bags in the house 'fore my arms fall off. What did ya pack in here Michaela? It feels like bricks."

"I didn't know you were going to be here so I brought along some books."

"Some? Ya mean your father's whole library." Sully pretended to struggle getting the bags in the door and made many grunting noises as he lugged them up the stairs. Michaela could only laugh as she watched him struggle under the bag's weight.

Anna and Ida watched Michaela intently, glad to see the bright smile upon her face and both content to know that they had done a good thing in inviting Sully to come for the summer. Michaela certainly seemed pleased.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland - June 10, 1849**

The first week and a half passed quickly – too quickly for Michaela's liking. Still they had not discussed Sully's plans for after the summer and it continued to weigh on both of them. The not knowing was making Michaela moody and at the oddest times she would say something to Sully that was a little too curt or sometimes downright rude. Sully was simply dreading telling her and wanted to wait until it was absolutely necessary, knowing it would upset her greatly.

Today, they had ventured out in the little sailboat together for the first time. Sully had taken it out by himself almost every morning and he continued to tease Michaela that she better start learning to sail if she was going to be an expert by the end of summer. Yet so far Michaela had done nothing but lie on the bow enjoying the sun. Now she sat with her feet dangling over the edge of the small sailboat as she waited for Sully to return from his foray into the water. They had taken the boat out that morning to explore the shore up past Anna's house where they seldom went. The day had warmed surprisingly quickly and Sully had gone for a swim to cool himself off.

"The water feels good," Sully called out to Michaela from about ten feet away. "Are ya sure ya don't wanna come in?"

"I don't have my bathing costume," she complained wrinkling her nose up at him.

"Never stopped ya before," he replied swimming back towards the boat and kicking hard, ensuring Michaela ended up wet.

"Gee thanks," she said wiping at the water on her dress. "Looks like I don't even need to get in."

"You're not turning into a girl, are ya?" Sully asked dunking under the water once more.

Michaela stuck her tongue out at him as he emerged. "Thought you liked me as a girl," she returned giving him a coy look.

Sully gripped the side of the boat and hoisted himself up. With a shake of his head, he wet her even more. They both laughed as the water made little spots all over her cotton shirt. "I do," he replied leaning over and placing a light kiss on her lips. "Are ya gonna let me teach ya to sail?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "If you want," she said noncommittally. "Why are you so set on me learning today?"

"Why are ya so set on not learning today?"

"I'm not," Michaela returned defensively.

"Are too."

"I am not. You can teach me right now if it's convenient for you."

"Okay," Sully said rising from where he was sitting and moving towards the back of the boat. "Come here."

Michaela made a big show of rising from her spot and edging along towards the back of the boat, being careful not to throw off the balance of the small craft.

Settling down beside Sully, she smiled up at him. "I'm ready. Instruct away."

"Now pay attention and if you're a good student maybe there will be a treat," he teased. Michaela shook her head as he began to name the different parts that she needed to know in order to sail. Finally after fifteen minutes of her repeating all the names back to him, he showed her how to raise the sail on the small mast. She did it quite successfully and was really proud of herself. Turning to him, she smiled. "See I'm pretty good at this," she joked.

"Don't get too impressed with yourself yet," Sully returned as he began to show her how to tie the different types of knots she needed to know. This proved to be a little harder for Michaela and Sully was having a hard time sitting opposite of her and picking up on her mistakes. "Here sit in front of me," Sully said sliding back a little so that she could sit with her back towards his chest and Sully peering over her shoulder. From this angle it was much easier for Sully to figure out where Michaela was making her mistakes. Sliding his arms in along her sides, his hands worked with hers and together they tied a square knot.

Michaela beamed from ear to ear. "I did it," she exclaimed turning her face up towards Sully's.

"See, I'll make a sailor out of ya yet," he said leaning down and giving her a quick kiss. Michaela felt her heartbeat speed up at the nearness of him and she leaned further back into him enjoying the feel of his arms around her side.

"Was that my treat?" she asked. Sully nodded. "I might have been more willing to learn earlier if I had known that would be my treat."

Sully was still looking down at her as she continued the playful banter. He found himself unable to resist bringing his lips down to hers once more. This was the first moment they had been truly alone since arriving in Cambridge. They had shared hurried kisses and many hugs but this was different. There was no one here to interrupt them. There was no need to worry about who might be watching them. Michaela turned slightly so that Sully faced her more directly. Her arms came up to encircle his neck, encouraging him to continue his advances. She felt his lips open over her own, his tongue brushing the corner of her mouth. This was the one moment she had been dreaming of for months now but she found herself almost paralyzed, unable to respond in kind. Still she leaned into him trying hard to push through the hesitation she felt inside. His lips kissed a trail up to her ear where he surprised her by taking her earlobe into his mouth. It tickled and she giggled as she enjoyed the sensation. His right hand came up to her neck and as he kissed a similar return trail back to her lips, his fingers began to work with the buttons of her shirt.

Immediately she tensed but Sully seemed not to notice as his hand continued to move lower. Swiftly she pulled out of his embrace, ending his advances. She scooted back to the other side of the boat, her cheeks flushed and her breathing heavy. Refusing to raise her head to look at Sully she began to do up the buttons of her shirt.

Sully was worried but confused at the same time. In his own mind, he knew he would not have let things get out of hand and he believed Michaela knew that as well. That was where his confusion set in. She had always seemed so open to his advances in the past, he didn't understand why this had troubled her so. He had only wanted to undo a few buttons of her shirt, kiss her neck a little, nothing more. "Michaela?" he questioned gently willing her to look at him but she didn't. He tried again. "Michaela did I scare ya?"

"No," she whispered. "I just don't feel very well," she lied unsure of why she felt the need to hide the truth.

"Let me take ya home then," Sully said moving to set the sail for their homeward journey. Michaela moved back out onto the bow, drawing her knees to her chest. Sully looked up in the sky noticing that the horizon appeared rather dismal.

"I think a storms coming – we better hurry." Michaela nodded and turned her face in the direction of the dark clouds. Sully hastily brought the boat around and began tacking up the river towards Anna's, hoping to outrun the storm.

The clouds began to gather quickly, turning the blue of the afternoon sky to dappled grey and finally to black. The wind picked up as Sully raced the storm up the river, trying desperately to get home before it began in earnest. Michaela continued to cast him anxious glances from the bow. He wasn't sure if she was worried about the impending storm or what had happened moments before.

"We're not gonna make it," Sully remarked but his voice was drowned by the wind.

"What?" Michaela yelled.

"We can't beat the storm. We have to find someplace to weather it out. I'm gonna head down to Ross Neck, see if we can pull the boat up there." Michaela only nodded to let Sully know she heard and approved of his plan.

Quickly, Sully brought the boom around, turning the small boat into a side branch of the river. The wind picked up and rain began to pelt down, stinging their skin even through their clothing. Michaela hugged her knees to her chest, growing more nervous by the moment. Hugging the left bank, they made their way up until they reached the place where the land jutted out creating a beach to pull the boat up onto. Once they reached this haven, they jumped from the boat and began to pull on it until the boat was mostly on shore. Sully heaved it further up onto the beach towards a clump of trees while Michaela looked around for any shelter they might find. She spotted a small structure used by some waterman to store crab pots and buoys and pointed it out to Sully. Swiftly, they ran across the sand seeking a respite from the storm in the dilapidated building.

Once inside, Sully noticed that Michaela was shivering and he went to her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Instantly her body tensed which worried Sully but she did not pull away. "Are ya cold?" he asked.

"Some," she replied her voice barely audible over the howling wind.

Sully took a deep breath willing her to look up at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, hoping that these two words could correct his earlier mistakes.

"For the storm or for earlier?" she asked still not meeting his eyes.

"For earlier," he whispered his breath hot against her cheek. She lifted her face and their eyes locked. The troubled green searching frantically for reassurance in the calm blue she found there.

"Sully, you can't say sorry and make everything okay," she said. "Sometimes it takes more than that." Her words were sincere but she was talking about far more than what had happened earlier.

"And this time?" he asked as she relaxed into his embrace, her meaning lost on him for the moment.

"That was too much," she whispered her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red.

"I am sorry," he reiterated. "I don't want ya to have the wrong impression. I wasn't gonna keep goin'."

Michaela nodded. "Can we keep things less physical?" she asked.

"Of course," Sully said already feeling as if his embrace might be too much. Quickly he pulled away and sat down on the floor. Michaela joined him sitting a short distance away trying to get a read on his expression.

"Father isn't mad at you," Michaela said out of the clear blue.

Sully looked at her, his face etched with confusion. "Okay," he returned giving a small shrug of his shoulders.

"I wanted you to know that because I know you were worried he was."

Sully thought for a moment about what she was saying. "It don't matter I guess. It's not like he's my father or anything."

"He loves you Sully."

"Sure has a funny way of showing it," Sully replied turning his head to the side so that Michaela couldn't see him.

"He blames himself for your running away," Michaela continued wanting more than anything to heal the relationship of the two people she loved most in the world.

"Yeah – okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay so you're right – he loves me, he's not mad at me," Sully exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

"I'm not fighting with you about who is right and who is wrong. I want you two to understand each other."

"What does it matter Michaela? You're gonna defend him no matter what."

"That's not true but there are two sides to this situation and I'm only asking that you consider his side."

"His side is that he sent me away to boarding school and I was miserable. I didn't have another choice but to leave! Or did ya forget about that?" The tone of Sully's voice was escalating, competing with the storm that still raged just outside.

"That's not fair!" Michaela yelled back. "You know I was angry with him when he sent you away."

"Glad ya remembered that!" Sully shot back his eyes dancing with unresolved anger. He took a quivering breath seeing the tears pooling in Michaela's eyes.

"I don't want us to fight," she whispered turning her head so that he couldn't see the tears as they started to fall.

**

* * *

****Boston, 1858**

"Michaela don't ya see what's happin'? Don't ya see how we're being forced apart?"

"No, Sully. I don't see any of that and I'm tired of you accusing father of being manipulative. He is only trying to ensure that I become a doctor. He doesn't want anything to interfere with that."

"Lord forbid something interferes with that!"

"So we're back to that again, are we? Why don't you just admit you don't want me to be a doctor?"

"Michaela stop putting words in my mouth. I have never said that."

"But you've certainly implied it enough times."

Sully threw his hands up in frustration as he turned to look out the window unsure of what else to say to help improve the situation. After a moment of silence, he felt Michaela's hand on his shoulder. "No," he said brushing it away. "I gotta have my say here. Every time I've come home recently, I spend two or three days convincin' ya that I love ya, that I support you're becoming a doctor, that I want what's best for ya. I wanna know why? Who's filllin' your head with all this nonsense when I'm not here?"

"Maybe this isn't going to work," Michaela whispered nervously fingering the ring that lay on a chain underneath her shirt.

Sully turned quickly to look at her. "How can you say that?" he asked crossing to her. "Who is it Michaela? Who is brainwashin' ya into believing that I don't care about ya?"

Michaela simply shook her head as Sully took her hands in his own. "Is it your father? Your mother? Your sisters? Tell me."

Michaela swallowed hard as she looked up into his eyes. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Things never seem to get any easier. And now we spend half the time that we're together fighting. We can't make the simplest decisions without having a major argument."

Sully breathed in deeply as his eyes filled with tears. He knew what he was about to say was not going to be received well but still he was determined to say it. "Michaela, it's not us picking these fights. We made all our decisions a long time ago- together. We agreed that you would finish medical school and then we would get married and move west. But all of a sudden that plan is not good enough for ya."

Sully wasn't finished but Michaela cut him off. "I didn't understand about being a doctor when we made that plan. I can't pick up and move across the country before I even establish myself in a practice here."

"Is that you talking or your father?" Sully asked as the realization of who was poisoning Michaela's mind against him finally came to light.

"Leave him out of it Sully!" Michaela's nostrils flared as she glared at Sully who was not backing down in the least.

"Why should I? He's the one standin' between us."

"No, he isn't. The only one standing between us is you and your need to run my life."

Instantly, Michaela felt bad for what she had said. She could see the pain in Sully's eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered reaching out to him.

Sully's eyes were large as he considered her. He felt her hand lying on his shoulder. Part of him wanted to forgive her for what she had said while the other part wanted to run out of the room. "Ya can't fix everything with sorry," he whispered pulling her into his embrace and holding her close to his chest wondering where they were going to go from here.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 10, 1849**

Michaela swallowed hard. "You're leaving, aren't you?" She felt Sully slide closer to her and place his arm around her shoulder. "That's why you came here, isn't it?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?"

"When?" she asked knowing that he was trying to avoid upsetting her more than she already was.

"Daniel and I heard 'bout this place out west where they found silver. They advertised in the paper for men to help work the mine. We're gonna go out there after I get back."

"When are you planning on leaving here?"

"Not 'til the end of summer. I want to spend all the time I can with ya," Sully assured her.

"Are the mines dangerous?" she asked turning into Sully's embrace and settling her head against his shoulder as if they hadn't been fighting moments earlier.

"I guess."

"If something was to happen to you…" Michaela began but Sully interrupted her.

"Nothin's gonna happen to me." Michaela swallowed hard but did not respond. Instead she moved her head into the hollow under his neck and closed her eyes wishing things could stay like this forever. Sully felt her tears as they ran off her cheeks and hit his chest. "It's not forever Michaela. Only for a little while."

"And then what?" she whispered breathing in the scent of him and allowing that to calm her frayed nerves.

Sully brought his hand up to wipe the tears off her cheek and to softly stroke her hair. He had thought about this many times and if Michaela wanted to talk about it, he had plenty to tell her.

"I figure I need money to show your father and mother that I can take care of ya. The job in the mines pays real well. I figure that if ya start college this year and then medical school in two years. Ya will be done everything by the time you're twenty. That gives me four years to save enough money. Then I can ask your father for permission to marry ya."

Michaela looked up at him as a smile began to form on her lips at hearing Sully's plan. "Will we live in Boston?" she asked.

"I'd kinda like to live somewhere out west," he said hoping this wasn't going to be an issue. "I figure Boston's got plenty of doctors but all those new places out west- they probably need a doctor."

Michaela smiled. "Right, they would need a doctor. It probably wouldn't even matter that I was a woman because of necessity. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, ya mean they'd take whoever they could get," Sully said playfully. "Course they'd be getting a very fine doctor."

"You don't know that yet," Michaela replied her face blushing.

"I do know it," Sully returned shifting some so that he could see her better. Michaela felt entranced by the blue of his eyes as they continued to stare deeply at one another. Sully leaned down and kissed her cheek tenderly. The next kiss was placed on her right eye and then the left. It wasn't long before he had moved over her mouth, placing light kisses at each corner before placing one right in the middle of her lips. Michaela had turned in his arms now and he brought his hand up to cup her cheek as he placed light kisses to her chin and neck. Sully stopped suddenly and Michaela opened her eyes wondering why.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Earlier," he said looking down at her. "I don't want things to be too much for ya besides I think the storm's passed. At least it sounds like it has."

"Right," Michaela said letting out a nervous giggle. "Guess we should get back. They might be worried."

Sully nodded and smiled at her as he took her hand. They opened the door to find the sky still a shade of gray but already the sun was trying to break through the clouds. Together they set off across the beach to find the boat.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 21, 1849**

Anna sat on the porch swing with Michaela and Sully on either side of her feeling extremely happy and content. Ida sat nearby in a chair shelling peas while John leaned against the rail looking out on the river. The days had yet to become too hot and a gentle breeze blew off the river making the day altogether pleasant. Anna let out a contented sigh as she turned to Sully. "What are your plans after you leave here?" she asked taking his hand in her own.

"Gonna go west. Saw in the newspaper that they're hirin' men to work in the silver mines. It pays real good too."

Anna nodded as she listened, her face creased with concern. "That might be dangerous," she said gently.

Sully swallowed hard and looked over at Michaela. She had dropped her face knowing that she was the impetus of this conversation and that Sully would know it as soon as he looked at her. "Guess it could be," he said. "I ain't gonna do it for long – just enough to save up the money I need."

John turned to look at Sully. "Money ain't everything," he reminded the young man, knowing how easy it was to get sucked into something because it promised easy money.

"I know. I'm gonna stop when I got enough for what I need."

"That's hard to do sometimes," John continued, speaking from his own experience.

"I got reasons to stop," Sully replied, again glancing over at Michaela.

Anna took a deep breath in preparation for what she wanted to say. Giving Sully's hand a small squeeze she began. "Sully I would really like it if you would stay here with us. You don't have to go to school. You can help John with the chores. We could pay you for the work you do."

Sully looked at her and then over at Michaela who had just happened to glance up at the same moment. The look they exchanged spoke volumes. "Excuse me," he said rising and walking off the porch without another glance at either Anna or Michaela. Michaela got up to follow him but John stopped her.

"I wouldn't go after him, right now," he warned.

"Why?"

"He's gonna be mighty angry with ya."

"But I didn't do anything but try to make it so he doesn't have to go so far away," Michaela protested.

"Ya gonna be his mother forever?" John asked.

"I'm not his mother and I'm not trying to be!" Michaela exclaimed taking great offense at John's words. John didn't say anything else but sat there staring at her unwilling to look away. "I'm going after him," she announced again.

John let go of her arm. "Ya remember what I said," he advised but Michaela was already running across the lawn in the direction Sully had stormed off.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	57. Chapter 57

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- seven**

**Cambridge, Maryland – June 21, 1849**

Sully ran through the forest towards the river feeling his anger rising inside of him. He knew one more moment on the porch and he would have been yelling at Michaela. She had put Anna up to this - Sully was sure of that. Why couldn't she understand that he needed to do this? Why was she constantly trying to manage everything? Taking deep angry breaths, he picked up a stick from the forest floor and used it to beat out his frustration on the surrounding trees. It seemed to be working. The more he hit at the branches, the calmer he felt inside until he turned around and saw Michaela standing a few feet away.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said before she even had a chance to speak. "I need to be alone right now!"

Michaela pressed her lips together trying to decide what to do. Normally she would have ignored his warning but if the anger he had released on the surrounding trees was any indication of how he felt inside, maybe it was best to leave him alone. Yet it was as if she couldn't resist saying something and before she knew it her mouth was open. "Sully, don't be mad at Anna. It was my idea."

Sully let out an angry sigh. "She had already offered when she first found out I was in New York," he disclosed.

"Why didn't you come here then?" Michaela asked realizing about a second too late that she had said the wrong thing. She threw her hand over her mouth as Sully glared at her. She had never seen him so angry before and it was beginning to scare her. "I'm only saying that because I would rather know you are safe here then living in New York," she whispered.

"Stop!" he screamed at her, his voice echoing off the surrounding trees. "I'm not a little boy anymore Michaela. I don't need to be watched over. You act more like my mother then my …." His voice trailed off as his brow wrinkled in frustration. He never had the exact word to describe what Michaela was to him. There wasn't a word to describe everything she meant to him. That thought made him soften a little. He didn't want to yell at her like this. He needed time on his own, time to calm down before he did something stupid. "Please go away before I say somethin' I'll regret," he pleaded seeing the hurt already reflected in her eyes.

Michaela nodded as tears began to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry Sully," she whispered. "I'm only trying to help."

Sully balled his fists as a new fury unleashed itself inside of him. Why couldn't she just stop talking? "Help? No you're trying to run my life!"

"That's not true," Michaela began but Sully cut her off.

"Yes it is! You're just like your father – you can't let anything alone. I wish he'd sent me to that orphanage! I wish I'd never come to live with ya!" His words reverberated off the trees filling the air with their sounds. Sully saw Michaela wince as if in pain as the last words left his lips. Immediately Sully felt horrible, but at the same time he felt as if he had warned her. He knew he would say something he would regret if she pushed him and now he had.

Michaela felt cold all over. The sensation had started somewhere around her heart and then quickly traveled through her body numbing her hands and feet. Part of her knew he hadn't meant the last part of what he had said but it didn't help the pain she felt deep inside. Tears stung her eyes and began to flood down her cheeks.

Sully saw the tears and it felt like someone had stuck a knife into his heart. The truth of the situation was that he had made her cry and that was hard to face. Her face held some odd mixture of fear and pain and Sully couldn't stand it anymore. Before he even realized what he was doing, he crossed over to her and drew her into his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her ear. "I didn't mean that Michaela. I really didn't."

She sobbed against his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt. She tried to speak but the plethora of tears made it virtually impossible so she simply nodded. He held her for awhile, gently rubbing her back until her tears had abated somewhat. "You'll come back?" she managed to choke out.

"I'm not goin' anywhere except to be alone and think. I'll be back before bed. I promise," Sully replied, pulling back some to look at her face.

Michaela raised her head in order to look at him. The anger was still there but somehow it had temporarily been suspended for a few moments to comfort her. "I am sorry," she whispered.

"I know ya are. Some thing has to change though. We can't keep goin' on fighin' about things like this. Ya have to understand…" Sully stopped himself here feeling his anger surge anew. "Not now," he whispered letting her go. "I need some time."

"Okay," she said again turning and walking away but this time she did not look back but continued on up to the house. Anna and Ida still sat on the porch and both looked at her expectantly. They could see the red rimmed eyes and the fresh tear marks on her cheeks. "Where's John?" she whispered not meeting either of their stares.

"In the barn," Ida answered reaching her hand out to Michaela. "Ya okay?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I need to talk to John, that's all." With that she went on through the house and out the back to the barn. Anna looked over at Ida and shook her head.

"That was to be expected I suppose. I tried to tell her."

"Ya can't tell Michaela anything," Ida replied. "She gotta learn it on her own. I gotta a feelin' that today she gonna grow up a lot."

"I think you're right," Anna said a weak smile on her lips.

* * *

Michaela stepped out the back door into the bright afternoon sun. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the barn door and opened it. The light was low in the structure and it took her eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness. John looked up as soon as he heard her enter but Michaela couldn't see him yet. He could also see that she had been crying but he wasn't surprised in the least. John knew Sully would need time to cool down. 

"Miss Michaela?" he asked. "Ya need something?"

She took a step in the direction of his voice. "Could I talk to you?"

"Sure," he replied stepping out from behind the horse he was brushing to where Michaela stood. He pulled a crate over for her to sit on and she thanked him before he went back to brushing the horse.

"You were right," Michaela whispered knowing her tears were close to the surface. "He feels like I'm trying to be his mother." John nodded but didn't say anything. This was one of the nicest things about John thought Michaela. He didn't rub it in when you were wrong about something. "I don't mean to do it," Michaela continued. "It sort of happens."

"I'm sure. He ain't had a mother and he needed one. No disrespect meant but I don't think Elizabeth ever tried very hard with him." Michaela nodded her head in agreement to John's comment. "No one left but ya. He needs to understand that and not blame ya for it. He needed someone to watch over him and reassure him. Ya've been doin' double duty for a long time but things gotta change now."

"That's what Sully said too," she admitted looking at her hands that she held folded in her lap. "I'm not sure what to do though. I mean what needs to change and how do I do it?"

"Best talk to Sully 'bout what. He gonna calm down soon, don't go frettin' about that. But I can tell ya this. No matter whether ya agree with him or not. Even if it seems like a stupid idea, he needs to make his own decisions for awhile. That's how he's gonna become a man."

Michaela nodded but chewed anxiously on her bottom lip. "But the decisions he's making don't just affect him. They affect me too."

"Why? Ya two engaged?"

"No," Michaela said taking offense at his question. "But that doesn't mean.."

John cut her off. "Look I know how Sully feels about ya. I see how he looks at ya. Love ain't about holdin' on to somethin' so tight that it don't got no freedom. Do ya understand?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I guess," she muttered.

John had finished brushing the horse and he moved around to the front, leaning back against the stall so that he could see Michaela better. "Do ya know why when God created people he gave them freewill?"

"So they could make decisions?" Michaela responded unsure where John was headed with this.

"That's part right. He gave them freewill so that they could choose to love what they wanted. Now it would have been a lot easier to just make people so that they didn't have a choice. He could have said all people had to love God but he didn't. Why didn't he?"

"Because he would never know if they really loved him or if they only loved him because he made them love him."

John smiled. "Ya gettin' it now. So when people choose to love God it's special 'cause they could have chosen to not love Him. Course that also means that they still can choose to not love him. He opens himself up to hurt when he lets others decide."

Michaela studied him carefully. "I'm afraid to let Sully go because I'm afraid he won't choose me?" she whispered wondering if this was in fact what John was telling her.

"Are ya?" he asked.

"I'm afraid he won't come back," she admitted.

"That's reasonable, but if ya don't let him go then ya always gonna wonder- would he come back or is he just stayin' around cause I'm makin' him. All God's creatures deserve the freedom he gave 'em."

Michaela nodded her head as she wiped at the tears that were falling. "I've got to let him go," she said allowing the truth of that statement to sink into her body.

"He's gonna come back to ya," John reassured her, reaching down to lay a hand on her shoulder.

"But…" Michaela began but John cut her off.

"What does your heart tell ya?"

"That he'll come back," she whispered.

"Why don't ya start listen' to that heart instead of to your head."

Michaela smiled up at the older man. "Thank you," she said standing and wrapping her arms around him in a hug. "How did you get so wise?"

"Years of livin'. Ain't no school can teach ya what years of livin' can."

"Thank you," she said again stepping back now and drying her face off. "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Course," John replied intrigued by her question.

"Would you teach me to sail?"

"I thought Sully was teachin' ya?"

"He was or is. I don't know but I want to learn sort of as a surprise for him."

"So ya don't want him to know that you're learnin'?"

"Yes, can we do that?"

"I think so. Ya might have to get up awful early and go out with me."

"That's fine," Michaela said beaming from ear to ear.

"Okay then. Why don't we start tomorrow morning?"

"Thank you so much," she reiterated again before stepping out of the barn into the bright afternoon sunlight feeling much better than when she had first entered. Now would begin the waiting for Sully but that was okay. She needed time to get used to the idea that she must support Sully and his decisions no matter what. She needed to practice what she would say – how she would tell him that he had the freedom to do whatever he needed to do.

**

* * *

****Boston – 1858**

"It's not fair you know."

"What's not fair?" Sully asked feigning ignorance.

"That you won't ever tell me about the girls in Colorado."

"There's nothing to tell," Sully said smiling at her. "'Sides ya don't hear me asking about the boys in Boston."

"That's because there aren't any boys in Boston that I'm interested in," Michaela replied.

"And there aren't any girls in Colorado that I'm interested in."

Michaela gave him a playful smile. "That may be true but you won't even tell me about the girls that are interested in you. I told you about David."

"That's 'cause there ain't no girls interested in me."

"That's not what Daniel says."

"Them girls Daniel is talkin' about get paid to be nice to the men if ya know what I mean."

"I'm not talkin' about those kind of girls. I'm talking about some little brunette who works in a general store in Colorado Springs. Daniel says she's sweet on you."

Sully rolled his eyes. "Daniel doesn't know when to keep his big mouth shut."

"What's her name?" Michaela asked her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"Abigail," Sully replied giving her a suspicious look.

"You know her name," Michaela said pretending to be shocked.

"Are ya gonna get all jealous on me?" Sully wrapped his arm around her waist and scooted closer to her.

"Depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Is she pretty?"

"I didn't notice," he replied giving her a little smirk.

"You didn't notice if she was pretty?" Michaela asked rather incredulously. "Even a pretty girl turns my father's head and he's married."

"Ain't no reason for me to look. There's only one girl I want and she's right here in front of me."

Michaela felt herself melt at his words. "Good answer," she said leaning in towards him. "Tell me about her."

"Why?" Sully asked with his eyes trained on her lips as he found it hard to think clearly with her so close.

"I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Sully said. "Besides she's only sixteen."

"Sixteen?" Michaela repeated crinkling up her nose.

"And I only like older women," Sully returned finally closing the distance between them with a heated kiss.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – June 21, 1849**

The afternoon had gone quickly but as the sun began to set and there was still no sign of Sully, Michaela became more anxious. She kept reminding herself that he had promised to return before bedtime and that bedtime was still hours away. Yet that didn't stop her from worrying. As the last ray of sun disappeared beyond the horizon, she sat on the front porch waiting while inside of herself she fought a battle of whether to wait for him here or whether to go inside. She didn't want to scare Sully away but she was eager to talk to him. After much deliberation, she decided to stay though she continued to have reservations.

The full moon appeared in the night sky, casting its hazy glow all around. Stars danced against the blackness of the night, twinkling like a million tiny diamonds in the sky. The river sparkled with their light as it ran ever on towards the bay and eventually the ocean. Michaela breathed in deeply letting the peacefulness and solitude fill her and calm her for her upcoming conversation with Sully.

Sully saw her from the edge of the woods sitting on the porch waiting. He stood there watching for awhile not yet approaching but drinking in her beauty. Somehow Michaela always seemed made for moonlight. The way her hair shone even under the moon's weak beams. The way her eyes sparkled like the tiny pinpoints of light shining down from the sky. It was as if in the moonlight he saw her true form – the one that was vulnerable yet courageous, beautiful yet stubborn and sensual yet tempered. She seemed as some vision to him, as if she was of another world. Sully began his approach now, quietly and quickly making it to the steps before Michaela even heard him.

"Hey," he said and Michaela jumped. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya."

"Oh that's fine. I just didn't hear you. Are you hungry because Ida saved some dinner?"

"A little but if ya want to talk first…"

Michaela interrupted him by rising and going to the screen porch door. "No you should eat first. We can talk later." Sully followed her inside trying to hide his surprise at her willingness to let him eat before they talked. He recognized that she was making an effort to not be so controlling and he was grateful for this small sign of hope.

Michaela lit a lamp in the kitchen and set him a place at the table. When he was seated, she brought him his dinner and poured him a glass of lemonade before sitting down at his side. With food in front of him, he suddenly felt ravenous and he quickly began consuming the contents of the plate, glancing every once and awhile at Michaela who was watching him with such a look of devotion that any last residual anger he felt inside of him completely dissipated. He pushed his plate back as he finished and Michaela quickly rose to wash it. Sully downed the rest of his lemonade, his eyes never leaving her form. Carefully she cleaned the plate, taking her time with it. Slowly she dried it before returning it to the cabinet with the others.

"Would you like some pie?" Michaela asked. "I didn't have a piece after dinner so I thought I might have one." Her voice was low but her eyes remained fixed on Sully's as she spoke. Sully recognized the subtle change in her and it mesmerized him.

"Please," he replied. "We could take them out on the porch," he suggested as Michaela cut two slices and put them onto plates.

"That would be nice," she replied turning with the plates in her hand and following Sully back outside. Sully sat down on the swing and Michaela handed him his pie before joining him. She watched as Sully ate while her own pie rested in her lap untouched as butterflies continued to plague her stomach.

"I'm sorry," Michaela whispered and Sully turned to look at her. "Not just for today but for all of it." She took a deep breath as Sully continued to study her face. "For not supporting your decisions like I should have, for always having to be in control…." Her voice drifted off as Sully reached for her hand. His fingers closed around it and she relaxed a little with this small gesture. "I haven't understood your feelings," she continued. "But I want to."

Sully smiled at her placing his plate on the floor so that he could turn to face her more directly. "I'm sorry I upset ya earlier today. It broke my heart knowin' I made ya cry."

"I want you to go Sully," Michaela said trying to speak out boldly but knowing at any moment her voice might crack and give her away. "I want you to go west with Daniel if that's what you need to do."

Sully couldn't believe what he heard her saying. "Thank you," he whispered sliding closer to her. "You don't know what it means to hear ya say that." His eyes recognized the fear in her face and he knew she was trying to be brave for him. "It's okay to be scared for me. I know you worry. I don't want ya to worry but I think ya probably will no matter what I do."

"True," Michaela said her mouth curling up slightly on the ends. "Honestly though I'm not only scared for you. I'm scared that you won't come back to me."

"I will always come back to you," Sully assured her. "You're the reason I'm going. I'm gonna save money, build us a house, get ya a ring. I'm gonna show Josef that I can take care of ya. There's no other girl that I want to be with besides ya."

Michaela's smiled began to broaden as she listened to Sully. "Promise me you'll write often."

"Every chance I get. And every night I'm gonna be lookin' at the stars and thinkin' of ya."

"Me too," Michaela replied gripping his hand tighter in her own.

"And I promise to visit. I can't stay away from ya for that long."

"Good," Michaela said. "Because I definitely don't want to wait four years to see you again."

"No way," he agreed. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. We still have a lot of summer left 'fore I have to leave. Let's not waste it."

"Agreed," she said smiling, wondering how everything had gone so easily.

"Ya haven't touched your pie," he remarked picking it up out of her lap. He placed some on the fork and brought it to her lips, watching as she ate it. "Good isn't it?" he asked his eyes never leaving her face.

"Very," she replied as he brought another bite to her lips. Slowly she chewed and swallowed that piece as well. Somehow she felt almost wicked having Sully feed her the pie. They weren't touching or kissing but somehow this felt so intimate. Maybe it was the way he continued to look at her or the way he casually leaned over and wiped some pie filling off her mouth with the pad of his thumb but her cheeks turned redder with each bite. Finally the pie was gone, leaving Michaela wishing for another piece – not because she was hungry but because she had immensely enjoyed Sully feeding her. Sully placed her plate with his on the floor and leaned into her.

"Thank you," he whispered. "You're amazing."

Michaela smiled and dropped her eyes in modesty. "I don't know about that," she returned. "John and I talked this afternoon."

"Ya did?"

"He helped me understand."

"Good," Sully said dipping his head down to place one short sweet kiss on her lips. "Ready to go up?" he asked scooping up the plates before standing.

"Sure," Michaela agreed following him into the house.

Sully stopped momentarily. "Good night," he said watching her as she started up the stairs.

"Night," Michaela returned turning to look at him as he started off into the kitchen.

**

* * *

****Boston – July 6, 1849**

Elizabeth lay on her side watching Josef who was tossing and turning, clearly worked up about something. "Are you going to settle down at all tonight?" she finally asked.

"Sorry," Josef returned sheepishly, finally deciding to lie on his back.

"What are you all worked up about?"

Josef let out a deep breath. "Everett came to see me today."

"He did?" Elizabeth replied casually, acting as if she had no clue why he had stopped by. In truth, she had overhead the whole conversation from her small office off the library. "What did he want?"

"He wants my permission to marry Marjorie."

"What did you say?" Elizabeth inquired.

"I reminded him that she still is young…"

Elizabeth cut him off. "She's twenty. That's not so young."

"Just humor a father," he replied and Elizabeth laughed. "I gave him my permission."

"Another wedding," Elizabeth sighed with contentment. "They grow up so fast."

"Marjorie hasn't said yes yet," Josef reminded her.

"She will," Elizabeth said confidently. "He's an excellent match for her. Only Michaela left after this."

"We could have Sully as well," Josef added his face clouding over.

"Josef you have to face the fact that Sully is not coming back." Elizabeth's voice was gentle but she could feel Josef tense as soon as she said it. "I think it's for the best actually."

"You think it's for the best that a fourteen year old boy is on his own in New York City?" he asked incredulously. He turned on his side to look at Elizabeth's face feeling his own anger rising to the surface. "Or do you think it's for the best because he's away from Michaela?"

"Josef you know my concerns. Of course I don't think he should be on his own in New York but you can't keep beating yourself up about that. You tried. He didn't want our help remember?"

Josef had heard what she said but he wasn't willing to give up the previous topic so easily. He sat up in the bed as he considered her for a moment. "I don't blame myself anymore," he said his voice calm and even.

"That's good to hear," Elizabeth replied.

"I blame you."

"Josef don't be ridiculous. This isn't anyone's fault. We tried to help an orphan and it didn't work out."

"You drove him away. From the minute he arrived, you've been against him. Making silly accusations about him and Michaela – insisting on adoption and then boarding school. I guess you finally got what you wanted." With that said Josef rose from the bed and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth demanded.

"To sleep somewhere else."

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – July 10, 1849**

Sully stretched luxuriously in bed as the sunlight streamed in his window. Sitting up slowly, he leaned back against the headboard and smiled. Ever since their last fight, things had been simply wonderful between him and Michaela. She had tried so hard not to be controlling especially where it came to him. He often saw her bite her tongue over a certain comment. And though he thought it wasn't possible, he found himself enamored of her more than ever. Never had he known that love could be so deep or that it could frighten and thrill you all at the same time.

They spent everyday with each other, trying hard to make these last few days together count for as much as possible. Never had he smiled as much as he had in the last couple of weeks. Never had he heard Michaela laugh as much as she had in the last few weeks. The only thing that perplexed him was her sudden reluctance to let him teach her to sail. This worried him a little because the last time had ended poorly with her drawing away after the shirt incident. Sully was afraid she was still frightened to be that close to him when they were alone. Physically things had cooled off considerably. They often held hands and kissed but Sully was very careful to keep things light and innocent often suppressing his own desires to touch or kiss more deeply. This didn't bother him though because they constantly were reminding each other with words how they felt about one another as if neither could say or hear it enough.

Throwing the sheet back, he climbed out of bed wondering if Michaela was up yet. He went over to his dresser and removed a shirt to match his pajama bottoms. After putting it on, he padded down the hall towards her room, knocking lightly on the door in case she was still asleep. There was no answer and he was just about to head back to his own room when Michaela appeared at the top of the stairs already dressed for the morning. Her cheeks were rosy as if she had been running and her hair was wild about her face. "Good morning," Sully said giving her a curious look. "What have ya been doin'?"

"Nothing," Michaela said a little defensively. In truth, she had only returned from her sailing lesson with John but she still wasn't ready to tell Sully where she had been. She had improved considerably but not to the place she wanted to be when she would show Sully.

"Really?" Sully asked. "Then why are ya suddenly blushin' and unable to meet my eyes."

"I went out for a morning walk. That's all," she said giving him a brief smile before pushing open her bedroom door and heading towards her vanity.

"Okay," Sully said raising his eyebrows at her as he followed her inside. He watched as she took the remaining pins out of her hair. "Ya lose some hair pins on your morning walk?" he asked cheekily.

"I ran back to the house. I guess I lost them then." She looked back at him in the mirror as the sides of her lips curled up. Picking up her brush, she began to run it through her hair working at the knots.

Sully stepped up behind her and stilled her hand. "Here, let me," he said taking the brush from her. Michaela relaxed under his gentle care, closing her eyes as he continued to brush out her tresses even when all the knots were gone. Eventually, Sully stopped, setting the brush down on the vanity before placing a kiss in the middle of her head. "How's that?" he asked.

"Wonderful," she replied turning to look at him.

"You wanna go sailing today?" he asked determined to show her that he could behave himself even when they were alone.

"Just for fun or am I going to be learning?"

"I thought I could try teachin' ya again," Sully replied.

Michaela sighed. "I don't really want to learn," she said trying hard to control the silly grin on her face.

"This isn't about the day that I went too far is it?" Sully asked finally voicing his fears.

"Oh Sully, I'm sorry. Is that what you've been worried about?" Sully nodded as he dropped his eyes to the floor. Michaela reached for his hand. "I'm just lazy, that's all."

Sully looked up at her and laughed. "In that case, would you go sailing for fun?"

"I can simply lie on the bow?"

"On the bow, on the stern, in my arms… wherever ya want."

"Hmmm… in your arms, huh?" Sully nodded, glad to see the smile on her lips. "When do we leave?" she whispered standing up so that they were only feet apart.

"Whenever ya want."

Michaela placed her hands at the nape of his neck and gently urged him downward. Sully needed no further invitation and seconds later he was kissing the corners of her mouth before slightly parting his lips to kiss her more fully. Michaela didn't open to him but it didn't matter. She was completely relaxed in his arms and from the little sounds coming from her throat, he could tell she was enjoying it.

A knock at the door caused them both to let go, turning quickly in that direction. They had left the door open and there stood Ida smiling at the two of them. "Do I need to get the cold water?" she asked playfully. "Or will Mr. Sully be leaving now?"

"I'm goin'," Sully replied giving Michaela's hand one last squeeze before turning and exiting the bedroom.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- eight**

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 10, 1849**

Ida stood in the kitchen looking out of the back window when John came in. She was preoccupied with her thoughts and she didn't notice his arrival in the kitchen. Silently, he snuck up behind her grabbing her around the waist and planting a kiss on her cheek. Ida jumped and let out a little scream.

"Didn't mean to startle ya," John laughed backing off and taking a biscuit from the side board. Ida leaned over and smacked the biscuit out of his hand. "Got somethin' on my mind and ya don't need to be eatin' before every one else gets down here."

John rolled his eyes but as soon as her back was turned he picked the biscuit back up. "What's gotcha so preoccupied?"

"Just caught Michaela and Sully upstairs kissin'," she informed him as she turned around. "I told ya to wait," she added frowning at the biscuit in his hand.

"Kissin'," he repeated ignoring her second comment. "Ain't nothin' unusual about them kissin' is there?"

"No but I think maybe it's time we had a talk with those two."

"About what?"

"You know," she said raising her eyebrows at him.

"I don't think we gotta worry 'bout that," John began but Ida cut him off.

"Just now they were in Michaela's bedroom kissin' and Sully wasn't even dressed yet."

"I'm sure that Michaela would stop him if he tried anythin' inappropriate," John argued.

"She shouldn't have to stop him- he shouldn't be tryin' anythin' inappropriate." Ida's voice had a slight edge to it and John knew she meant business.

"Ya gonna stop naggin' if I agree to talk to him woman?" Ida nodded as a smile spread across her face. "Okay, I'll talk to him. I assume you'll be havin' a similar conversation with Michaela."

"Similar?" she asked casting a doubtful look in his direction. "I doubt we gonna be sayin' the same things."

John laughed. "Cause girls are always the innocent party, aren't they?" He gave Ida a little wink as he said this and she shook her head at him.

"Girls are always the one settin' the limits and boys are always seein' how far they can push 'em."

"Sounds like you're talkin' from experience," John replied smiling at her.

"I remember what it was like when we were courtin'."

John laughed loudly now. "Me too," he replied moving in to kiss her again on the cheek.

"What's so funny?" Michaela asked from the doorway with Sully on her heels.

Ida and John moved apart. "Just rememberin'," John said. "Uh, Sully could I get your help with somethin' out in the barn?" Ida smiled at him in approval.

"Sure," Sully said pushing past Michaela so that he could brush against her. She smiled at him as he moved past and he couldn't resist giving her a little wink. Sully followed John out to the barn and waited for John to tell him what to do. John shut the barn door behind them and then looked down at the floor, kicking the straw around his feet almost as if he was nervous about something. "What did ya need help with?" Sully finally asked.

"I need to talk to ya about somethin'," he began and Sully gave him a puzzled look. "Ida saw ya two this mornin' and I 'xpect she is a little worried that things might get carried away between ya two."

Sully felt his cheeks warm as he realized what John was talking about. "We were only kissing," he defended his voice low and gravelly.

"I know," John returned giving him a sympathetic look. "But sometimes that leads to other stuff." Sully let out a little sigh but remained quiet otherwise. "Sometimes ya got high notions that ya ain't gonna do certain things but then ya get alone and things get heated. Plus ya both know that you're goin' away. It's all gonna work to put extra pressure on both of ya. I just don't want ya doin' somethin' ya might regret."

John hadn't expected Sully to answer him and so when he spoke, he looked up quickly trying not to act shocked. "What's too far?" Sully asked his eyes glued to the older man's face.

John panicked momentarily, afraid of what might come next. "Somethin' already happen between ya two?" John asked surprising himself at his boldness.

"No!" Sully said hastily. "No – I just don't want to scare her."

"Then don't," John returned. "Just by bein' close to ya, she's trustin' ya. Don't ever break that trust."

"I won't," Sully said his eyes fixed on John's.

"Good." He patted Sully on the back. Sully stood there looking at him, wondering if he was going to say anything else. John felt awkward, unsure of what else needed to be said. He sighed, imagining Ida scolding him for not saying more. "Ya got any questions?" he asked.

"Not really," Sully replied looking up at the loft.

"Good, then let's go in." John started to exit the barn but then turned around. "Umm… maybe we better wait a little while before going back in."

Sully smiled. "Is Ida talking to Michaela?" John nodded with a little smirk. "Yeah we better wait," Sully agreed.

* * *

Eventually Ida called for John and Sully from the back door. They reentered the house to find the table set for breakfast with all the girls seated around it. Sully glanced over at Michaela as he took his seat across from her and she rolled her eyes subtlety. Sully concealed a laugh by shoving a piece of biscuit in his mouth. Clearly, she had been the recipient of the same conversation only with Ida instead of John.

"What are your plans for today?" Anna asked Michaela and Sully as she stirred some sugar into her coffee.

"We're gonna go sailin'," Sully answered, his eyes fixed on Michaela.

"I am so happy that you both enjoy that little sailboat I bought for you."

Sully chuckled. "Yeah, Michaela enjoys watchin' me sail it."

"But I thought," Anna began glancing over at Michaela whose eyes had grown extremely large. She gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head and Anna frowned but tried to cover her previous statement. "I thought you were teaching her Sully."

"She doesn't want to learn," Sully replied trying to figure out what all the odd looks meant.

A knock at the back door provided a welcome respite from the conversation as they all turned to see who it was. John rose from the table and answered the door, returning a short time later with a telegram. "Looks like it's from Boston," he said handing it to Anna.

Anna opened it and smiled. "Seems that Marjorie has gotten engaged," she announced looking over at Michaela.

"To Everett?"

"That's what it says here," Anna replied holding the telegram out so that Michaela could see it.

"Everett?" Ida asked. "What happened to William Burke?"

Michaela and Sully exchanged glances. "That didn't quite work out," Michaela said swiftly.

"What about Paul?" John asked a smirk settling on his lips as he looked up the table at Sully and Michaela.

"That didn't work out either," Michaela replied.

"It appears Everett worked out," Anna said. "Isn't he your tutor?"

"He was but this was our last year together."

"And ya were worried about losin' touch with Everett," Sully teased. "See how things worked out – ya lose a tutor and gain a brother-in-law."

Everyone laughed except Michaela who appeared slightly perturbed. "She would go and marry him just as I finally get away from him!" Michaela exclaimed.

"I don't think she is marrying him to spite you," Anna interjected with an amused look on her face.

"You don't know Marjorie," Michaela replied as she began to laugh at herself. Sully joined in and soon the whole table was laughing again.

* * *

Lazily the small sailboat drifted along the edge of the river with the white sail flapping in the gentle breeze. Overhanging trees created the perfect shade and both Michaela and Sully had their eyes closed as they floated along. Both lay on the bow of the boat, their bodies close together because of the small space. Sully lay on his back with his legs dangled over the edge while Michaela lay on her stomach, with her arm supporting her head. Sully had only finished filling her in on his conversation with John this morning and she was getting ready to relate hers with Ida.

"I wish John had spoken to both of us," Michaela sighed peeking between her eyelids at Sully.

"Why?"

"He's so laid back about things."

"Ida wasn't?" Sully asked as he let out a low laugh.

"For a minute I thought I was talking with Elizabeth. She kept saying how boys can't control themselves and how girls need to not let themselves be pushed into doing something they aren't ready for."

"Like what?" Sully asked playfully.

"Sully!" Michaela chided. "You know full well what she was talking about." Sully laughed again as Michaela reached over and slapped him on the arm. "Do you ever feel a little offended that they think we don't have the sense not to do that?"

"Not really but that's probably because John wouldn't have said anything to me if Ida hadn't put him up to it."

Michaela giggled. "Gracious, I tense up when you open your mouth when we're kissing. I'd be a nervous wreck if we went any farther." She stopped quickly, her cheeks blushing furiously. "Did I just say all that out loud?" she asked opening her eyes.

Sully nodded as he suppressed a smile. "It's not that I don't like it when you open your mouth," she began but then stopped again, clearly flustered. "I mean… I kind of want…" She let out a loud sigh of frustration. "How come none of this is coming out right?"

Sully couldn't hold back any longer as he finally let out a laugh. "Don't worry I ain't plannin' on tryin' anything," he said, his eyes dancing with amusement. Their eyes locked as he spoke and he grew more serious. "I know we're jokin' around but I mean that. I ain't ever gonna break your trust."

"Thank you," Michaela whispered reaching her hand out for his. Their fingertips touched briefly before their fingers interlaced. "I can't imagine doing that with anyone but you."

"I know," he agreed.

"Really?" Michaela asked. "Everyone always acts like boys will be with any girl who is willing."

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "Not all boys. Some of us have enough patience to wait until marriage."

"Speaking of marriage – can you believe Marjorie is already engaged to Everett?"

"It is Marjorie," Sully reminded her.

"True," she said as something occurred to her. "I hope I'm not in this wedding."

"Ya got something against weddings?" Sully asked remembering how reluctant she was to be in Maureen's.

"No," she returned smiling at him. "Only my sisters' weddings. I'm sure I will enjoy ours." Her eyes grew large when she realized once again she had said something out of turn. "Wow, am I ever presumptuous today."

Sully laughed and gave her hand a squeeze. "No you're not. That is our plan, isn't it?"

"Yes," she whispered smiling over at him.

"Can ya picture it?" he asked his eyes growing wide with curiosity.

Michaela blushed as she nodded. "It's real intimate – only the two of us with my family and a few friends."

"I like the thought of that," Sully said.

"Where would you like to go for a honeymoon?" Michaela asked.

Sully shrugged. "I don't care. I never really understood why some people make a big deal about goin' away. Like when Maureen got married and they took that trip. Honeymoon's aren't for sightseeing."

Michaela laughed. "Oh they aren't?" she said cheekily.

"At least not for sightseeing outside of the bedroom."

"Sully," she scolded in mock surprise. Sully simply laughed.

**

* * *

****Colorado Springs, 1866**

Sully was unbuttoning his shirt as he stood in front of her and Michaela began to tremble knowing that every second was bringing them closer to the moment when their bodies would become one. Seeing the doubts on her face, Sully sat down beside her on the bed and leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips in order to reassure her. The light kiss quickly became a heated one as their mouths opened to one another. Gently Sully pulled her down onto the bed.

Michaela felt his hands on the back of her gown working on the buttons and involuntary her body tensed. Sully stopped suddenly, afraid he had frightened her by moving too fast. "Ya okay?" he asked pulling back slightly.

"I'm a little frightened," Michaela admitted as a deep blush settled on her cheeks.

"Of me?"

"No," Michaela breathed. "Of what we're about to do." Sully felt relief wash over him. He wasn't sure what he would have done if she had been frightened of him. "I've never.." her voice trailed off.

"I know," Sully said smiling at her, wondering why she felt the need to admit this now when he already knew. "It's new for both of us," he said softly bringing his hand up to gently stroke her cheek.

"For both of us?" she questioned suddenly sitting up and looking at him strangely. It occurred to her then that they had never talked about his previous experience with Abigail. He didn't know that she knew. "Abigail told me, Sully," she whispered looking over at him.

"Told ya what?" he asked, confusion written on his face.

"About the two of you."

"I'm sorry Michaela, but I don't know what you're talkin' about."

"You don't have to lie to me Sully. I don't mind that this isn't your first time." She dropped her eyes as she spoke feeling her cheeks begin to grow warm. Gently she leaned over and touched his chest. "I think I'm a little relieved that one of us knows what we're doing." She let out a soft giggle.

Sully sat up quickly taking Michaela's hand in his own. "Michaela I would never lie to ya. Abigail and me – we were never together like this."

Michaela's brow creased in consternation, as anger rose in her chest. Why was he lying to her - especially tonight of all nights? She pulled her hand away from his and rose from the bed walking over to her dresser. The knot in the pit of her stomach was making her feel nauseous.

Sully followed her, unsure why she was talking like this and worried that she had pulled away from him. "Michaela, you're the only one I've ever wanted."

"But I pushed you away. I forced you into someone else's arms. I accepted that a long time ago. Really it doesn't matter to me." She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes and she hated the fact that they had never bothered to discuss this before. They certainly were making a mess of their first night together as man and wife.

"Michaela if you think Abigail and me… we never… this belongs inside of marriage."

Michaela felt her stomach lurch. She couldn't take anymore. "Stop!" she yelled turning abruptly. The shock and surprise on his face made her calm a little. "Please Sully, you don't have to pretend."

"I'm not pretending. Why won't ya believe me?"

"Because I know Sully."

"Ya know what?" he asked moving to touch her shoulder, confused by her behavior and her words.

"I know about the baby," she whispered.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland - July 26, 1849**

"Are ya gonna tell me where we're goin'?" Sully asked glancing over at Michaela.

"I told you – it's a surprise," Michaela replied leading him down towards the dock.

"Well how am I gonna sail us there if I don't know where we're goin'?"

"Because you are not doing the sailing." Her face lit up as she said this and she turned and ran towards the dock leaving Sully in her wake. Sully was confused but he ran after her watching as she climbed onto the big sailboat.

"Is John taking us?" he asked.

"No," Michaela giggled. Sully cast Michaela a dubious look. "So are we just gonna sit on the boat?"

"Undo the spring line and get on the boat," Michaela commanded.

Sully did as he was told even though he still didn't understand what was going on. Jumping over the side rail, he watched in amazement as Michaela started to raise the main sail. She turned and smiled at him cheekily, her cheeks glowing in the mid-morning sun. Sully crossed to her. "Ya learned to sail?" he asked, his mouth only inches away from her ear.

"John taught me," she replied. "I wanted to surprise you."

"Is this why you're up at the crack of dawn every morning?"

Michaela nodded. "Did you suspect?"

"I was a little suspicious but I didn't think this was what ya were doin'."

"What did you think I was doing?" Michaela asked turning to look at him briefly. Sully shrugged his shoulders and moved to help her secure the boom. Michaela could tell from the look on his face that he didn't want to say what he was thinking. "Come on, tell me," she urged.

"Nothin' in particular."

Michaela cast him a doubtful look and moved towards him. Stopping inches from his lips she looked up into his eyes. "If you tell me, I'll tell you where we're going."

"Oh so ya mean we're actually goin' somewhere. Ya can sail that good?" he teased.

Michaela narrowed her eyes at him as she stepped back. "In that case," she said moving off towards the stern to steer the boat. Sully laughed and followed her back. He stepped close bringing his arm around her and leaning in to place a soft kiss on her cheek but Michaela pulled away from him before he had the chance. "Trying to make nice now?" she asked frowning up at him.

"I was only joking."

"Be that as it may, do you really think I'm going to let you kiss me when you were extremely rude to me a minute ago?"

"Can I at least help you sail?"

"No," Michaela said as her lips began to curve up at the sides. "I can do it myself," she informed him.

"Fine," Sully said pretending to be upset as he marched off towards the bow and sat down in Michaela's usual spot. "Guess I'll just be lazy like ya normally are."

Michaela put her hand over her mouth to contain her laughter as she watched Sully. He had taken off his shoes and socks making a big show of it. Setting them to the side, he lay down on his back with his head resting on his hands and his eyes closed. As if he thought better of it, he turned over onto his stomach, propping his head up on his elbows and this time keeping his eyes open.

Their journey started out slowly but in not time Michaela was expertly maneuvering the boat down the river. Anna's house was soon out of sight and she continued on her path towards the bay knowing once they reached it she would need Sully's help. Calling over to him, she said "Hey lazy bones, mind helping me once we are in the bay?"

Sully cut his eyes over at her not moving from his current position. "Thought you didn't need my help."

"I didn't in the river," Michaela replied gently. "But I will when we get to the bay."

Sully got up rather reluctantly and walked to the stern still pretending to be upset. "Ya gonna tell me where we're going now?"

"Calvert Cliffs," she whispered moving closer to him. Sully's eyes grew large but other than that his face remained neutral until he felt her hand wrap around his torso. She pressed her face to his back as the right hand joined her left one resting on his chest. For a minute, he was worried that she was crying because he could feel her body trembling but she soon calmed as she remained pressed up against him.

"I don't know if I can sail like this," Sully teased and he heard a giggle behind him.

"Sorry," Michaela said pulling away. "Just needed to be close to you for a minute."

"I'm not complainin'," Sully returned as he moved to release the boom in order to swing the boat about. Michaela smiled as she turned the wheel waiting for the wind to catch in the sail. As soon as it did, Sully secured the boom and came to stand behind her, his hands resting on her hips and his head on her shoulder. Neither spoke a word as they set a course for the cliffs. Michaela steered while Sully stayed at her side unless he needed to adjust the sails. The day was beautiful and the wind just right for a smooth trip across the bay.

Soon the cliffs rose up before them and they made preparations to dock in the shallow cove near the base of the cliffs. From here they could easily wade to the beach. Sully jumped overboard first and Michaela handed down the picnic basket to him, which he balanced on his head with one hand. Michaela climbed down the ladder on the side, her skirt knotted between her legs to keep it from tangling in the water. Before long they were spreading out a cloth on the beach and setting down the picnic basket.

"Wanna go for a walk and dry out a little before lunch?" Sully asked.

"Good idea," Michaela replied reaching towards his outstretched hand as they started off down the beach.

1"After Ida and John's talks a few weeks ago, I'm surprised they let us come here alone."

Michaela looked over at Sully bashfully as she ascertained his meaning. "They don't know we're here," she whispered. Sully gave her a questioning look. "I told John I was going to take you down around Hooper's island for the day."

"How did ya know how to navigate here?"

"John and I came one morning - the morning you almost caught me coming in from sailing."

"Why here?" he asked smiling over at her.

"We came here at the end of our first summer at Anna's. Do you remember?"

"Course I remember," Sully replied cutting his eyes over at her.

"On the way home we fell asleep and then..." Her voice drifted off as she smiled at Sully.

"Then we almost kissed," Sully finished.

"John interrupted us. Our almost first kiss."

"That wasn't our first kiss," Sully corrected her.

"You're not going to count that day on the Common, are you?" Michaela said.

"That is the first time I kissed ya."

"I know but that was more like an experiment than a kiss."

"An experiment?" Sully repeated questioningly. "I was your experiment?"

"You weren't the experiment - the kiss was an experiment," Michaela corrected him.

"Still it was the first time our lips touched. I think that makes it our first kiss."

Michaela rolled her eyes at him. "Do you like disagreeing with me about everything?"

Sully chuckled. "Umm-hmm. Keeps thing interestin'."

"Speaking of interesting," Michaela said leaning back against the cliffs and bringing Sully with her.

"Yes."

"Just what did you think I was doing each morning?"

Sully turned a light shade of pink and dropped his eyes as he tried to avoid answering. "Nothin'," Sully replied nervously shuffling his feet on the ground.

"You do realize you're going to have to tell me."

"Or what?"

"Or I'm going to throw your lunch in the bay," she exclaimed letting go of his hand and sprinting back down the beach to where they had left the picnic basket. Quickly she snatched it up and started towards the water. Sully had been taken off guard by her quick departure but he caught up fairly quickly stopping a few feet away from her as she hoisted the basket up in the air.

"That's your lunch too you know."

Michaela ignored him. "It's all your favorites," she cried out in sing-song. "Ida even baked a pecan pie just for you."

"Ya wouldn't?" Sully said taking a step towards her.

"I wouldn't test me," Michaela replied as she swung the basket out over the water's edge.

"I thought Ida was teachin' ya to cook," he said hastily.

Michaela brought the basket down to her side giving him a curious look. "You thought I was learning to cook. Why?"

"Well one day the biscuits were a little burnt and Ida and you were laughin' about it. I just assumed that maybe ya were learnin'." Michaela laughed and walked back toward the blanket to put down the basket. "Ya aren't mad, are ya?" Sully asked trying to ascertain her mood.

"Gracious, no. The way you eat, I probably should be learning to cook," she replied rather feisty.

"Speaking of eating," Sully began, "I am rather hungry." He dropped to his knees on the blanket and began pulling out the food from the basket. Soon lunch was laid out in front of them and they hungrily ate their fill as their appetites seemed enlarged by the morning spent on the water.

After lunch they lay back on the blanket their heads turned towards each other. "What a perfect day," Michaela remarked her hand reaching for Sully's.

"Perfect," Sully agreed. "And I don't think I've complimented ya on your sailing."

Michaela smiled coyly. "Was it alright?"

"It was outstanding. I better watch out or William's gonna catch wind of this and have ya crewin' for him next summer."

"Do you think I would willingly do something with that boy? I am telling you the trip down here was sheer torture." Sully laughed. "He is without a doubt the most annoying person in the world. That goofy smile and the things he says." Michaela rolled her eyes.

"Guess your dreadin' the trip back," Sully teased, only realizing a moment later what he had said, when he saw the look on Michaela's face.

"Yes," she whispered bringing his hand up beside her cheek. "But not because of William so much."

"Shh," Sully quieted her, gently touching his fingers to her lips. "I didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's okay," Michaela sighed. "We have to face it sometime. Summer isn't going to last forever. You'll be gone soon."

Sully could see her eyes filling up with tears and he let out his own quivering breath. "It's not forever," he reminded her. "I'll be back to visit when I can."

"Do you think you can come for Marjorie's wedding?" Michaela asked expectantly.

"I don't know. I can try. Do ya think it will be soon?"

"Mother will insist on at least a year long engagement so maybe next summer or fall."

"I might be able to come back by then," Sully said optimistically.

"I hope you can." Michaela rolled onto her side bringing her face closer to Sully's. She smiled at him, letting go of his hand as she brought it up to stroke the side of his face. "I'll miss you," she said sadly.

"I'm not gone yet," Sully reminded her trying to bring some levity to the situation. Their eyes locked and he leaned in, placing an innocent kiss to her lips. "Guess we better be heading back," Sully said sitting up quickly and surprising Michaela.

"We could stay for a little while longer," she said grabbing at his shoulder to pull him back down.

"As much as I'd like to," he whispered looking back at her, "It may be too hard to stop if we stay here much longer."

Michaela knew exactly what he was talking about and nodded her head. "You're right," she sighed packing the picnic basket back up.

"It was a lovely afternoon," Sully reiterated as he folded up the picnic cloth. "Thank you for makin' it so special." Sully leaned over and gave her a light peck on the cheek.

"You're welcome," Michaela returned feeling her heart swell with love.

**

* * *

****New York City – August 1, 1849**

Looking up at the building, he shook his head. Yes this was the place, looking worse than last time he had been here if that was possible. Laying his hand on the knob, he opened the door and stepped into the dingy lobby. Looking around, he reacquainted himself with the room – the paint peeling on the ceiling, the cracked woodwork, and the street girl sign over the desk. The fact that Michaela had spent a night here unnerved him. The things she had probably seen and heard. Again he shook his head as he walked over to the front desk.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Byron Sully."

The clerk looked up from the paper. "Ain't no one here by that name," he returned, quickly going back to his reading.

"Are you sure? He was living here a few months ago."

"People come and go all the time, mister. This ain't exactly home sweet home."

"Can you tell me when he checked out?" Josef asked.

The clerk let out a sigh but turned to a large filing box behind him. "What was the name again?"

"Sully.. Byron Sully," Josef repeated.

The clerk flipped through the cards and finally pulled one. "Looks like I might be wrong this time. He still had a room here. Number 214."

"Thanks," Josef said stepping away from the counter and starting up the stairs careful not to touch the dirt encrusted banister. His heart had sunk when the clerk had said he wasn't here. The thought that he might have left had never really occurred to him on the train ride from Boston. His only thoughts had been of how to convince him to come back to Boston. Over the last few weeks, he had decided to stand up to Elizabeth about this whole situation. For him, that meant that Sully would live at their house and go to Boston Latin if he could be convinced to. No longer would Elizabeth set the rules.

Walking down the second floor hall, he tried to follow the room numbers but some were missing. Stopping at a door, he looked to the left and saw 212 and to the right and saw 216. This must be 214 he thought to himself as he gave a hard rap on the door. From inside he heard footsteps shuffling across the floor and then the sound of a lock being turned.

The door opened to reveal, a young man around Sully's age with blond hair and a dirty face. "Whatcha want mister?" he said staring Josef up and down.

"I was looking for Sully," he said trying to glance into the room around the boy's head.

"Ain't here."

"Do you know when he will be back?"

"Middle of August, I think."

Josef gave him a funny look. "Where is he?"

"Went to see some girl in Maryland," Daniel replied.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	59. Chapter 59

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Fifty- nine**

**New York City – August 2, 1849**

Josef stood in the train station, holding his return ticket to Boston in his hand. His eyes continued to stare at it though he no longer saw the words written there. Anger engulfed him coming in waves that made him feel sick to his stomach. Taking a quivering breath, he made his decision and walked over to the telegraph station.

"Can I help you, sir?" asked the clerk staring up at Josef as he entered.

"I need to send a telegram to Boston and one to Cambridge, Maryland as well," he said keeping his voice steady and calm.

"Certainly, sir. Here is some paper and there are pens over there." He pointed at the far wall. Quickly Josef stepped over and dipped a pen in the ink well. Neither message was long – they didn't need to be. He looked down at the first one to Boston. It read:

_To: Elizabeth Quinn, 10 Mount Street, Beacon Hill_

_From: Dr. Josef Quinn_

_Have decided to visit Mike in Maryland. Fill you in on Sully when I get back. Will telegram when I arrive. _

_Josef_

Shuffling the Boston one to the bottom, he looked at the second one. It read:

_To: Anna Quinn Cambridge, Maryland_

_From: Dr. Josef Quinn_

_I will be arriving in two days._

_Josef_

He looked again at the second one, feeling his chest constrict. What was the point in sending a telegram? That would only give her time to broaden the web of deception. No it would be best to show up unannounced. He crumpled up the second piece of paper and threw it in the waste basket in the corner. Turning to the clerk, he handed him the first piece of paper.

"Just the one then sir?"

"Yes, only this one to Boston."

"That will be four bits." Josef handed over the money and left the station heading back into the main train depot. After studying a train schedule, he approached the window and purchased one ticket to Baltimore, Maryland. At the moment, he gave no thought to how he would make the trip from Baltimore to Cambridge. There were other things weighing heavily on his mind. She wasn't going to get away with this – not his time. In the past, he had overlooked so many things for the sake of what he considered keeping the peace. Not anymore he thought to himself. This was the final straw as far as he was concerned.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 4, 1849**

"Michaela don't ya think we're a little close to the bank?" Sully asked looking ominously at the trees.

"Why is it that when I'm sailing you're always giving me advice?"

"'Cause ya always go too close to the bank." Sully smiled over at her as she turned the tiller in the other direction letting the boat drift back out into the current.

"You would think that you could be nice to me considering we only have a few days left to spend together."

"Don't remind me," Sully sighed laying back on the bow with his feet dangling over the edge of the boat.

"Are you excited about going west?" Michaela asked hesitantly.

"Sort of. I've always wanted to see what the frontier was like. 'xpect it's really different out there. I probably have a lot to learn. That part is gonna be hard and of course being away from ya ain't gonna be easy."

"You'll probably be so busy you won't even have time to think about me," Michaela said waiting for Sully to deny her statement.

"You're probably right," Sully agreed giving her a wry look. Michaela narrowed her eyes at him. "Just kiddin'."

"You better be nice to me or…"

"Or what?" Sully asked raising her eyebrows at her.

"I'll push you overboard," she replied, saying the first thing that came to her mind.

Sully laughed. "In that case, I'll just close my eyes so that I don't notice how bad your sailin' really is." Michaela shook her head at him but he had already laid his head back and closed his eyes.

Michaela maneuvered the boat out of the current and let it drift along closer to the bank again. Sully still had his eyes closed and she snuck towards the bow moving as quietly as possible. Stretching her form along his while taking care not to touch him, she leaned over and blew softly in his ear. Sully laughed but didn't open his eyes.

"Are we close to the bank again?" he asked cheekily.

"Umm-hmm," Michaela answered, reaching up to stroke the side of his face. "I just needed to be close to you for a minute."

"I like those minutes," Sully replied looking up at her. Michaela brought her head down to his and gave him a light kiss. Before she had a chance to move away, Sully slipped his arms around her. One rested on her back and the other at her neck, pushing her back down towards him. They kissed again and Sully rolled so that now Michaela was on her back with Sully lying slightly on top of her.

"Sully," she whispered shyly as she felt him ply kisses along her jaw.

"Huh?" he breathed between the light kisses.

"Nothing," she said closing her eyes and bringing her arms around his back pulling him closer to her. The hand that had been under her neck traveled down her arm until it rested on her hip. Michaela bit her bottom lip anxiously willing herself to relax and trust Sully. There was a sense in which she wanted to escalate things to another level almost as a keepsake memory to take when they parted but she did not want things to go too far. Her hands traveled lower on his back and she felt him move against her as his lips found hers once more. Sully was acutely aware of his position of control. In an effort to put Michaela at ease, he rolled onto his back again, pulling her with him so that she was now on top. Unfortunately, he had miscalculated the distance on the tiny sailboat and he found himself dangerously close to the side. Michaela moved slightly to bring her leg to rest on top of his and that was enough to throw off Sully's balance. Before either knew it, they were falling into the river.

Sully still held tight to Michaela as they splashed into the shallows. "Are ya okay?" he whispered with concern.

Michaela looked up at him and laughed. "I told you to behave or I would push you overboard," she giggled splashing him lightly.

"Bet ya didn't plan on coming with me," Sully teased. "Guess we needed to cool things off."

"How are we going to explain this one?" Michaela asked as Sully boosted her back onto the boat, her wet skirt clinging to her legs. "They're still suspicious about where we went the other day."

"It ain't so odd that someone might fall in. The boat is fairly little and there ain't no side rails."

"Both of us?" Michaela asked blushing as she said it.

"That may be a little harder to explain," Sully returned pulling himself out of the water and onto the bow. "Maybe we'll dry out some before we get back."

Michaela looked up at the sky. "Sully," she called as she pointed at the distant horizon which was growing darker by the moment.

"Another storm," he confirmed. "We better get home."

"So much for drying off."

"If it starts raining before we get there, then it won't look so odd that we're wet," Sully reminded her. Michaela smiled as she moved over so that Sully could sit with her in the stern. Quickly they were underway and they made good time with a strong wind pushing them on. As they neared the dock, they noticed another boat approaching from the opposite direction.

"Oh gosh," Michaela began as her eyes grew large. "Isn't that William's boat?"

"Yeah, it is," Sully responded rather perplexed. "What's he doing here?"

"Annoying people," Michaela replied rolling her eyes which made Sully laugh. They had reached the dock now and Sully scrambled out. Michaela threw him the spring line and he quickly tied the boat to the dock, leaning over to assist Michaela in getting out. John was coming down the lawn towards the dock and he looked relieved when he saw the two of them.

"Was gettin' worried 'bout y'all. Hopin' ya saw the storm and headed back," he called to them his eyes trained on the other boat the whole time. The boat continued to come closer and now Michaela could make out three men on the deck. One was William and she assumed the other was his father. Straining her eyes at the third familiar form, she thought she was seeing things.

"Michaela, it's your father," Sully whispered near her ear.

"Oh no," she breathed as panic descended upon her. A million thoughts raced through her brain. Why was he here? Would he be angry? Could he convince Sully to come back to Boston with them? Would he tell Elizabeth? Would he figure out that they were more than just friendly? She felt Sully give her hand a light squeeze and she quickly wrapped her hand around his, clinging desperately as if she might drown if she let go. Her clothes stuck to her body, still wet from their earlier foray in the water.

John had reached the dock now. "That William's boat?" he asked squinting his eyes.

"Yes," Michaela answered. "It looks like Father is with them."

"Josef?" John questioned as he looked over at her and saw the fear in her eyes. Looking up at Sully, he noticed his only concern was for Michaela. There was no fear in his eyes only a fierce protectiveness. John was worried about what Josef's advent here might mean and he moved to the edge of the boards as the boat neared in order to help them dock. Sully and Michaela stood still waiting for whatever was to come. Time seemed to slow down, at least to Michaela who was growing impatient with anticipating what her father would do and say.

Finally the three men, made their way off the boat and onto the dock. Michaela's hand holding onto Sully's was tucked behind her back. The rain began to fall just as the group approached. Sully let go as they came closer and Michaela groped wildly for him needing the reassurance that he was still there. As if he read her mind, he whispered, "I ain't goin' anywhere."

Michaela took a staggering breath. "Father, what a surprise," she said stepping toward him and embracing him lightly so as not to get him wet.

"Michaela," he replied coolly as he reached his other hand out towards Sully.

"Hello, Josef," Sully said gripping the older man's hand in his own.

"Sully," Josef replied in the same tone he had used for Michaela. "You're both wet," he commented.

"Fell off the boat," Sully answered indicating the small sailboat beside the larger one.

Josef nodded but didn't say anything else.

"Storm's comin'," John said. "We better get inside." Michaela looked at John wondering what storm he was referring to. Yes there was a storm coming but it would rage whether they were inside or out.

"Hope you don't mind us weathering the storm out here," Dr. Burke commented as they started up the lawn.

"Course not," John replied. The rain meanwhile increased in intensity, beating down on Michaela's face, hiding the tears that had already started to fall.

* * *

The storm raged on outside while everyone pretended that things were normal inside Anna's house. Josef's face appeared strained and he never once met Anna's gaze but he talked with the Burke's as if everything was fine. Ida served afternoon refreshments in the morning room where they had gathered after drying off a bit. Michaela cast anxious glances between Sully and her father waiting for her own coming storm. William was laughing about something and though she had no idea what, she longed to walk across the room and slap him. How dare he laugh when her whole world felt as if it was falling apart?

Sully felt surprisingly calm inside though he could see the anguish on Michaela's face and that worried him. Josef could rail against him all he wanted - it didn't matter anymore. Sully was no longer in his care. He could yell all he wanted and all Sully had to do was walk away, though he would never leave Michaela to face it alone. In the long run, Sully was fully aware that he could forbid him to see Michaela but he knew that it would never work- they would always find a way to be together.

Anna watched her son though she kept up with the conversation as well. She knew he was angry with her. He looked just like his father had in his rare moment of extreme anger. Only one time in his whole life had Josef raised his voice to her but if her feeling proved true, today it would happen again. A smile spread across her lips as she remembered the day Josef had stood in front of her protectively when his father had been particularly angry with her. Where was that little boy, she thought to herself. He had grown up and Boston had erased every trace of that little one and left in its place this man who felt like a stranger. Like Sully, she felt calm and composed- ready for whatever Josef might throw out. Though unlike Sully, she knew that he would probably take away the one thing she cared most about and that was Michaela. He could very easily make it so she could not see her again and though that would sadden Anna greatly she resolved to take the brunt of Josef's anger shielding both Sully and Michaela if possible.

Though it felt like time was dragging slowly by, the storm actually passed fairly quickly and within the hour the Burkes were waving good-bye as they started off down the lawn towards the dock. Josef walked down with them while Anna, Michaela and Sully remained on the porch.

"I don't know what's coming," Anna said speaking quickly. "But I want you both to remember that I love you dearly." She reached her fragile hands out laying one on Sully's shoulder and one on Michaela's. "You both have kept me going over these last couple of years and I truly believe it was your presence that helped me recover from my stroke."

Michaela already had tears in her eyes as she listened to her grandmother speak. Quickly she moved in to embrace her. "You're talking like we will never see you again," she remarked.

Sully followed Anna's eyes down to the solitary figure walking back up the lawn. "It is possible," he whispered laying one hand on Michaela's back and wrapping the other around Anna. Michaela glanced over at him as he spoke and she saw the truth of his words. The knot in her stomach tightened and she trembled as she held onto Anna.

Anna saw her tears and felt her shaking. "No," she said abruptly pushing Michaela away from her so that she could see her face. Sully let go of Anna quickly startled by her sudden movement. "Michaela Anne Quinn you will not be afraid of him. No one here has done anything wrong. We have nothing to feel guilty about. You are strong and courageous - don't let him make you feel otherwise." Michaela nodded trying to absorb the words and Anna's courage all at the same time. "You are my granddaughter and you will not be afraid of him or any other man."

"Why would she be afraid of me?" Josef asked from the steps of the porch. Anna had not realized how close he was. The group of three turned to look at him. "I'm her father or did you forget that?"

"I haven't forgotten that. As I know well, sometimes those closest to us scare us the most."

Josef nodded his head and turned to face Michaela and Sully. "Would the two of you mind excusing us? I need to speak with Anna." He waited for no response but breezed past them entering the house and turning in the direction of the library.

Anna raised her eyebrows at Sully and Michaela. "Strong and courageous," she whispered reaching over to squeeze Michaela's hand.

"I'll come with you," Sully offered. "I'm not afraid."

"I know you aren't," she replied smiling at him. "But this isn't your battle Sully. This one has been coming for a long time. I am actually quite relieved that it is finally here." With that she turned and entered the house leaving behind two bewildered expressions.

Sully turned to Michaela. "Come on," he said taking her hand. "Let's go for a walk so you won't be frettin' about what's goin' on in there."

"I think we should stay close."

"We will," Sully assured her as he gave a light tug on her hand.

**

* * *

****Boston, 1864**

Pulling herself out of bed, she staggered over to her vanity for the first time in days. The hair that she usually kept neatly brushed and pulled back was frizzy and unkempt. Her cheeks were sallow and drawn in from days of refusing food. She looked akin to a ghost or a patient in the mental ward at the hospital. Running her fingers along the smooth wood of the vanity's edge, she stopped when she reached her jewelry drawer knowing what was inside. As if it had burned her, she quickly moved her hand away picking up her hairbrush instead to begin working through the massive tangles. She was neither gentle nor patient but pulled at them ripping hair here and there. Soon her hair was smooth again and she tied it back with a bit of string she found lying on the vanity.

Again, she looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased that she at least looked more human now. Pinching her cheeks until they turned red, she brought some color to her cheeks. Yes this was much better she thought to herself. As if these simple tasks had renewed her spirit, she reached for her jewelry drawer and pulled it open. The letters lay there in the same place she had put them on the night of the party. Hastily, she pulled them out and set them to the side. As she did her eyes caught on the locket that Anna had given her so many summers ago. Her fingers closed over it and she lifted it from the velvet lined drawer fingering the chain between her forefinger and thumb. Looking in the mirror she undid the clasp and placed the locket around her neck, securing it in place. Her fingers caressed the necklace as words long forgotten returned to her.

When Anna had given her this locket, she told her to never be afraid to risk. Going to Colorado would be one of the biggest risks she had ever taken in her life. Again, she looked at the letters that Sully had sent her for the last four Christmas' and then again at the locket. Her father's face came to mind and she recalled how Anna had told her to be strong and courageous and to never fear any man.

Rising suddenly she went to her closet and took out her traveling bag. Her mind was made up, her decision firm. She would go to Colorado and try to undo the terrible mistake she had made five years ago. Perhaps it was too late but she would never know unless she took that risk. No one would stop her, she was her own person. Yes, the way was clear now. David would have to be told- she owed him that much but after that was done she would leave.

**

* * *

****Cambridge, Maryland – August 4, 1849**

Anna walked into the library to see Josef standing at the edge of the desk. He turned as she entered his face cold and uninviting. "Well Josef to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?" Anne's eyes danced with amusement making Josef's anger burn deeper inside of him.

"Don't make light of this," he warned. "I went to New York to try and talk Sully into coming back to Boston. The boy he shares a room with told me he was here."

"I see," Anna replied very matter of fact. She walked past him and sat in the chair behind the desk.

Josef continued to stand, his eyes never leaving her face. "Why is he here, mother?"

"He wrote me when he first left Boston and I invited him to come then. He turned down my offer. When I found out Michaela would be coming for the summer, I invited him again. He has plans to go out west and work in the mines. I think he believed this would be a good chance to see Michaela and the rest of us one last time."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Anna laughed. "Tell you?" she questioned. "Why would I? So Elizabeth could then dictate that Michaela wouldn't be allowed to come. I think not."

"She's our daughter, not yours. We have a right to know!" Josef's voice had progressively gotten louder and louder and this last sentence was yelled at Anna.

"If she was younger, I would be inclined to agree. She's sixteen Josef - not a little girl. If she wants to see Sully, I think she should be able to."

"It's none of your concern. Sully decided to leave our family months ago and when he did, he gave up certain things and one of those was contact with Michaela!"

Anna knit her brow together. "And they understand this."

"I haven't forbid them to see each other but now..." His voice drifted off as he had never really decided what to do beyond being mad at his mother.

"But now you will?" Anna pushed wondering what exactly he was thinking.

"I haven't decided," Josef whispered. "But I have decided that Michaela will not spend time alone here with you."

"Is this really about Sully?" Anna asked.

"Of course it is! What else would it be about?"

"You've been angry with me for a long time Josef. Your brother wrote me off years ago but not you. Why is that?"

"I wish I had," Josef replied, his voice heavy with unspoken grief.

"What did I ever do that was so terrible?"

"You left me and you came here. Always running away and escaping."

"You were a grown man Josef. You were married. You didn't need me anymore."

"I'm not talking about when father died. I'm talking about when your father was sick. You left me alone that whole summer and fall. He sent me to boarding school after you promised I didn't have to go. She made sure I went."

"Your grandmother?" Anna whispered.

Josef nodded his head. "Why didn't you bring me with you?"

"You know why."

Josef considered her for a moment. "How is it possible that someone as strong willed as you could let your husband run your life? Tell me because I really want to know how the woman who yells at my wife, who helps slaves escape, who turned and left Boston - couldn't stand up to her husband!"

Anna dropped her head. "You make it sound so simple. It was never that simple. The Quinn's were… are a force to be reckoned with. You know that."

Josef glared at her as a cold laughter escaped his mouth. "Only too well," he said. "You were the one person mother who could have made things different for me. I loved you and trusted you with all my heart. You left me."

"Your grandfather was sick…" Anna began.

"Don't lie to me mother. He wasn't sick for six months. There was plenty of money to hire people to care for him. I know you didn't want to come back to Boston."

"But I did," Anna defended herself. "I loved your father Josef with all my heart. There was just always so much pressure."

"Do you think I don't know that? I lived my whole life with that pressure. You can't ever see beyond yourself can you? You wanted away from Boston - from the responsibility of being a wife and mother so you up and left."

"Josef that's not true," Anna interjected but Josef was not paying her any mind.

"When father died, did you act the part of the grieving widow? For two days and then you boarded the first train out of there, leaving us with only a note!"

"Josef, calm down."

"I will not calm down. The last time I was here you insult me by telling me I will inherit nothing of your estate - that you are leaving it all to my daughter."

"If this is about the money.."

"It's not about the money. It's about the fact that for once I wish you would think of someone besides yourself . For once I wish you would see how your actions affect the rest of us. Now you make me look like a complete fool in front of my daughter. You convince her it's okay to lie to me! You make it sound like she should be afraid of me- like I'm some terrible monster!"

"Do you hear yourself Josef? You are guilty of the same thing you are accusing me of. How it's going to make you look in front of others. That's all you're worried about isn't it?"

"I had a great teacher," he said his eyes boring into hers.

"Touché," replied Anna calmly.

"I'm taking Michaela home in two days and you are to have no contact with her. Is that clear?"

"If you're doing this to hurt me, it's going to hurt her just as much."

"I'm doing this to keep her away from you. I don't know what I was thinking letting her spend so much time here! Elizabeth's right. You are crazy!" With that he exited the library. Anna took a staggering breath feeling her chest constrict. Never before had she heard her son speak of that time when they were apart. Never had she understood the effect that had on him. Was she a bad mother? Was he right- had she been selfish? And now he was going to take away Michaela. Tears flooded her eyes as she dropped her head to the desk, the reality of the situation descending upon her.

* * *

Josef walked out onto the porch and looked around for any sign of Sully and Michaela. His anger had abated some and he felt relieved that Anna had not tried to follow him. Walking out into the yard, he saw their forms down by the dock and he slowly made his way down to them still uncertain as to what he would say. He did not blame them though he was upset that they had perpetuated the lie. Yet even that was probably Anna's influence. No what was needed was to get Michaela away from here as soon as possible.

Michaela saw him when he was still some distance away and she quickly dropped Sully's hand which she had held in her own. Letting out a sigh, she stood up and Sully followed her. The feeling of dread returned to her stomach the moment her father's face came into view.

"Michaela, we're leaving in two days for Boston," he said his voice calm and even as he met her eyes.

"I'm not supposed to leave until next week," Michaela replied her eyes searching Josef's for an explanation.

"We're leaving in two days," Josef repeated, this time his voice was more adamant.

"Why?" Michaela asked knowing full well why they were leaving. "Is it because of Sully?"

"No," Josef said surprising both of them. "Your grandmother and I have had a disagreement. That is why we are leaving. But as far as Sully's visit here this summer, I can't say I am pleased that you didn't tell me about it."

"I knew mother would make me come home," Michaela said feeling emboldened by her father's lack of anger.

Josef shook his head. "I don't really want to discuss it right now Michaela. There will be plenty of time for that on the way back to Boston." He turned now and looked at Sully. "Anna tells me you are going out west."

"Yes," Sully said nodding his head. "I got a job working in the mines."

Josef nodded as he swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat. "I suppose that is for the best," he said. "I would have provided you with everything you needed. I don't understand why you can't take that from me."

"I need to make my own way," Sully began. "I appreciate everythin' you've done for me but I gotta do it my own way now."

"Right," Josef said turning to look back up at the house. "I don't like what happened here this summer and I won't stand for it again. If the two of you are going to stay in contact that is fine but any visits will occur at our home in Boston. If I find that either of you has gone behind my back, I will have to put an end to your friendship." Sully and Michaela were wide eyed as they listened to him. "Since you have insisted on not being part of this family Sully than Elizabeth is right. It is not good for Michaela to be alone with you without a chaperone. People will begin to talk. Is this clear?"

"Yes, sir," Sully replied meeting the older man's gaze head on.

"Yes, father."

"Good," he said still acting rather distracted. "I'm going to ride into town and send a telegram to your mother. I suggest you start packing." With that he turned and left.

**

* * *

****Cambridge - August 5, 1849**

Sully could hear her crying from outside her bedroom door and he hesitated to go in, knowing how hard this good-bye was going to be. It was as if all summer they had been preparing for it but now that it had been cut short by five days, they were devastated. In the long run, five days was nothing but here and now it felt like an eternity. Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob and entered.

Michaela turned around as soon as she heard the door opening, crossing the room to him quickly and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry for all the tears," she said in between sniffles. "I can't seem to stop myself."

"Don't be sorry," he whispered lovingly rubbing her back. "We knew this was gonna be hard."

She looked up at him with her chin resting against his chest. "I was going to have to say good-bye in five days anyway but I feel like I am being cheated out of something. And now this whole thing with Anna - Father won't allow me to visit her anymore."

"I know," Sully soothed shaking his head. "It's so strange to see him so upset at her and not with us."

"He didn't even yell at us. He only acted disappointed."

Sully looked down at her, knowing her heart at that moment. "It would have been better if he had yelled, huh?"

Michaela smiled up at him, giving a soft nod. "How do you know me so well?" she asked laying her head against his chest.

Sully laughed briefly before resting his head on top of hers and breathing in deeply. "Ya smell good," he said. "I wish I could take the smell of ya with me. Sometimes after it rains and the air holds this sweetness, it makes me think of ya. I'm gonna miss that."

"I don't know that I can do this," Michaela said as new tears sprang to her eyes and her body began to tremble. "I'm trying, Sully. I know I have to let go but it's so hard."

"Shh," he said trying to comfort her as he fought his own losing battle against his tears. "It's not forever. I can visit – your Father said so. And you'll be busy with school and helpin' your Father at the hospital. You'll see, time will go quickly."

Michaela let out a shaky breath as she tried to compose herself. "Don't come down to the dock tomorrow," she said. "I can't keep it together if you come."

"I understand," Sully replied pulling her tightly against him. "So I guess this will be our goodbye."

"No, not yet. Stay with me until the sun comes up – until I have to go," she begged.

"What if…" he began but then stopped knowing he could not deny her this request. He didn't want to leave her tonight anyway. He knew if he went back to his own room it would be a sleepless night. "I'll stay," he whispered.

The night passed quickly between them. Few words were exchanged. He held her tightly against him, his hands encircling her body as they sat on the floor, their backs against the bed. Her eyes were closed as she leaned against his shoulder but she was far from sleep. There would a long train ride home on which she could sleep, right now she needed to commit every sound, every smell, every kiss, every caress to memory. All too soon, the first rays of the sun peaked over the horizon and they both knew it was time to part ways before anyone in the house found them together like this.

Sully stood first and helped Michaela up. She clung to him, willing herself not to cry again. "I love you," she whispered against his chest as she clutched at him.

"I love ya," he returned. "And I'll hold ya safe in my heart 'til we're back together." Leaning down, he lightly pressed a kiss to her lips.

Michaela nodded in agreement with his words, afraid to speak again as it would release the onslaught of tears that she knew laid right beneath the surface. Slowly she let go of him, grabbing onto his hand at the last second as he began to walk away. She followed him to the door, watching him blink away his own tears. The door opened, she let go of his hand, the door closed. He was gone.

_

* * *

__This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	60. Chapter 60

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 6, 1849**

He awoke quickly, wondering how he had ever fallen asleep. Only out of sheer exhaustion he thought to himself. It was probably for the best that he had slept through her departure. He had never known what he was asking when he told her not to come to the train station when he left for boarding school. Now he understood only too well. The ache that had settled in his chest when her bedroom door had closed behind him early this morning was still present, but had doubled twofold. Something lying on the end of his bed caught his attention and he scrambled from underneath the sheet to investigate.

An envelope and something wrapped in a handkerchief lay there. His hand touched the object and it felt hard and flat but he turned his attention to the envelope first, seeing his name scrawled in Michaela's beautiful script. His fingers trembled as he pulled at the paper, finally managing to slip the stationary from its confines.

_My dearest Sully,_

_I wanted to be able to leave you my scent so that you would have something to remember me by when you are so far away. I think what you probably smell is my soap and so I have wrapped up a bar of it for you. I know you have promised to visit but my heart tells me it will be awhile before I see you again. I hope it is wrong but even if it isn't I want you to remember that the love that binds us together can stretch over any distance and weather any amount of time. Be safe so that someday I can welcome you back into my arms. _

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

Sully wiped at the tears that flowed down his cheeks as he turned to look at the handkerchief before him. Without wasting another moment, he raised it to his nose inhaling deeply. It did smell like Michaela – though not quite the same but enough that it soothed him momentarily. Rising from the bed, he went to his door and peeked out listening for any sound from the rooms below. He heard none and so he left his room, heading for the stairs.

Anna stood on the second floor balcony, her eyes trained on the dock. Sully caught sight of her as he walked by and went to join her. Her eyes sparkled with unfallen tears and Sully reached over to take her hand in his own. "They haven't left yet," Anna whispered. "You still have time to go down to the dock."

"Michaela doesn't want me to," Sully replied his eyes now locked on the figures down below. "I thought I had slept through their departure." Anna shook her head. "Why aren't you down there?" Sully asked.

"I said my good-bye to Michaela this morning. I don't want a scene with Josef to be her last memory of this place so I think that it's best I don't go." With those words, she could no longer contain the myriad of tears and the downpour began. She made no effort to wipe them away but leaned on Sully for support as her legs felt weak.

"I'm sorry," he whispered feeling slightly guilty knowing that his presence here had been the impetus for their fight.

"Don't be," she replied. "We make our choices and we live with the consequences. Sometimes our consequences are longer in coming but they always catch up with us."

"But it don't seem fair," Sully began but Anna cut him off.

"Life's not fair, Sully. You know that, as well as I do. But you learn to accept it and go on." Sully nodded and wrapped his arm around Anna as they watched the wind puff out the sail carrying Michaela away from both of them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Boston – August 15, 1849**

Michaela lay on her bed, her curtains pulled against the bright sun, no lamps lit. She was trying to make the room match how it felt inside – dark. She needed a letter from Sully and then she would know everything was okay but until then she felt as though she was drowning in sorrow. It hadn't helped that in the few days since she had been home, her father had sunk into a deep depression while her mother had made her worse nightmare come true.

Elizabeth had been furious when Josef had broken down and told her about Sully's presence in Maryland. Michaela had heard her shouts from upstairs and had descended to find Josef an emotional wreck and Elizabeth ranting like a mad woman. Michaela was at a loss for what to do. Never had she seen her father so depressed, so lifeless. Her mother had wanted to send her away to a finishing school tucked away in some remote part of the country but Josef had said no. He had promised her she could start college this year and he said he was going to keep that promise. Unfortunately, that was the last thing he was able to stand up to Elizabeth on before he retreated inside of himself.

The next words out of Elizabeth's mouth had been that Sully would never be welcome in their house again. Michaela's mouth dropped open and she stared at her father silently begging him to intercede. But he looked like a lost little boy, staring off into the distance as if he hadn't heard anything Elizabeth had said. They couldn't keep them apart forever she told herself over and over but she was having trouble believing it as things began to look impossible. It was then that Michaela had snapped, striking out at both her parents accusing them of driving Sully away. For five minutes she had continued on, blasting them both for their actions. And when she ran out of things to say about Sully, she started on them for keeping her away from Anna.

She would have continued on indefinitely if Josef had not stopped her. When he spoke, his voice was calm and cool. His eyes held the same disappointment that she had seen the day on Anna's dock. Her heart dropped as he spoke, the words ringing in her ears. "That's enough," he had said. "I have done everything I could think to do for Sully. I have catered to you over and over again. Both of you repaid me with deception which I believe was encouraged by Anna. I don't care to hear anymore about how I've failed you as a parent." With that he had left the room, leaving Michaela with a rage filled Elizabeth.

Turning on her side in the bed, she wondered where all her tears had gone. Was it possible that she had cried them all? Or was it more likely that she was too upset for tears? Where was Sully now, she thought to herself. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture him on a train heading out west even though she was fairly sure he had not left yet.

"Michaela," Martha's voice drifted up the stairs disturbing her brooding. At first she decided not to answer her but after she had called her for the third time, she finally rose and opened the door.

"Yes," she said coming to the top of the stairs.

"A telegram came for you," she said holding out the piece of paper in her direction.

"For me?" Michaela asked, a warm feeling rising in her chest. Martha nodded. Hastily she descended the stairs and took the paper from her. Just as quickly, she turned and headed back to her room.

Crossing to the window, she threw back the curtain letting light flood into the room. Her fingers trembled as she opened the envelope, hardly daring to hope that it was from Sully. She tore the paper in her anxiousness but it was not unreadable. Her eyes hungrily fell upon the words.

_Michaela,  
_

_Safe in New York. Leave in three days. Don't be sad. Remember I love you._

_Sully._

Michaela pressed the telegram to her heart as she shook her head at the risk Sully had taken in writing this to her. Easily one of her parents could have intercepted it. She was lucky that Martha had given it to her. Elizabeth had not forbidden them to have any contact but Michaela realized it was a possibility. Still that didn't matter at the moment. All that mattered was that Sully had bridged the distance that divided them in order to lift her spirits. She smiled and gave the telegram a kiss, wishing Sully a safe journey west.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Boston – May 1852**

With the letter in her hand, she climbed the stairs and headed straight for his old room. It had been three years since he had slept here but that didn't matter to Michaela. To her it was still his and this was where she needed to be at the moment. Lying back on the bed, she clutched the letter to her chest as tears began to leak out of the corner of her eyes.

Rising from the bed, she crossed the room and opened the closet. Reaching deep into the back, she pulled out the box she kept Sully's letters in. There were so many now that it seemed safer to keep them in his room than in her own where prying eyes might be tempted to look. She sat down on the floor beside the box, her fingers running back and forth over the lid. Every letter he had ever written her was in here. Sometimes it felt like all she had left of him.

The first year after he had gone west, it had been impossible for him to return to Boston. The mine company he had signed on with was bankrupt by the time Daniel and he had arrived. It had taken almost two months to find another one that was hiring. Money had been tight and with Elizabeth's firm stand on Sully not visiting, Michaela had no way to send him the money.

By the start of the second year of their separation, Michaela had been optimistic that he would come to Boston and they would see each other secretly. She had been extremely relieved that Josef appeared fully recovered from his depression. She even thought that she might be able to convince Elizabeth to life the moratorium on Sully's visits. As Marjorie's wedding had neared, she had asked her mother if he could come but Elizabeth had gone ballistic and Michaela soon realized that she would not relent in the least.

Still Michaela held out hope that they could secretly see each other but summer passed and faded into fall with no definite plans from Sully. She asked him to come for Christmas of that same year and then for her birthday in 1851. Somewhere in this box, were the letters explaining why it wasn't a good time. When Christmas of 1851 had come and gone, she hadn't even asked so that she wouldn't be disappointed. But at some point, the need to see him, to reassure herself of his love had been so great she had asked him to come for a visit this summer. Lifting the lid, she added the letter in her hand to the box. This one saying he would try to come but he couldn't make any promises. She replaced the lid and laid her head on the box, wondering if this was all she would ever have of Sully.

If every letter had not been full of reassuring words of love and devotion, she would have questioned if he had ever loved her at all. Even with the reassurances, her mind doubted but somehow her heart never wavered. Michaela knew that Sully's sole focus was on making money for their future and that he knew a trip to Boston would quickly eat up the money he was working so hard to save. Three or four letters came for her each week and so she knew that he still thought of her often, but the separation was slowly eating away at her. There always seemed to be a valid reason why it wasn't a good time for him to come for a visit but Michaela couldn't help but to feel slighted that he continued to stay away.

Two good things had come out of Sully's absence. The first was that after almost three years, Elizabeth was finally convinced that there was nothing going on between Sully and Michaela. Michaela intercepted the mail before either of her parents saw it and so that meant neither knew the massive amount of letters that were exchanged between the two of them. It also meant that Michaela could receive letters from Anna with neither of her parents the wiser. The second good thing that came out of Sully's absence was Michaela's school work. She had always been an exceptional student but with Sully's absence and little else to occupy her mind, every moment that she wasn't writing him was concentrated on studying. In her first year, she had received the prize for highest marks and she was on track to do that again this year. Her father was extremely proud of her accomplishments and had encouraged her to spend every free moment at the hospital with him. This too she had relished and in a way it kept the inevitable loneliness at bay. Still one dream of him during the night could send her on a crying jag for days and she wondered if he felt the same way when he dreamed of her.

"Michaela," Elizabeth's voice drifted up the stairs. Michaela panicked for a moment as she hastily picked up the box and shoved it into the closet, abruptly shutting the door. Her mother wasn't supposed to be home for another hour. "Michaela," her mother's voice came again, more impatient than the last time.

Her heart was beating quickly as she slipped out of Sully's door, praying her mother wasn't close by to see her. Unfortunately, her mother was nearby in the hallway. "Mother?" Michaela asked.

"What were you doing in there?"

"I needed to make a diagram for a project. Thought Sully might have left some color pencils in his old desk."

"You didn't find any?" Elizabeth asked looking down at Michaela's empty hands.

"Right," Michaela said quickly trying to cover the lie. "Did you want something?"

"Oh, yes." Elizabeth gave a little shake of her head. "You have a visitor."

"A visitor?" Michaela asked.

"A gentleman caller," Elizabeth replied a large smile forming on her face. Michaela knit her eyebrows together. "Which is in itself amazing considering you never had a coming out." Michaela rolled her eyes as she followed Elizabeth to the top of the stairs. "Aren't you going to freshen up?" She turned to look at Michaela's appearance her lips puckered in displeasure.

"I don't see the point," Michaela replied pushing past her mother.

Elizabeth put a hand on her arm. "Michaela, could you humor me for once?"

"What's the point mother? You said it yourself – men don't marry girls who want to be doctors." With this she continued on down the stairs, determined to get rid of whoever waited below.

The drawing room doors were thrown open and she could just make out a male form as she descended the stairs. Giving a snort of disgust, she made her way across the foyer and stepped inside the room. Immediately, David turned towards her. "Hello Michaela," he said.

"David?" she asked uncertainly. They had met once long ago at Marjorie's coming out and had recently been re-introduced at the hospital. He was interning with one of the doctors on staff there.

He smiled at her and crossed to where she stood. "Good afternoon," he said giving a small bow of his head.

"What are you doing here?"

"Calling on you," he replied his face full of amusement. "You do accept gentlemen callers, don't you?"

"I don't usually have any," Michaela said her voice strained.

"Now, that I find hard to believe. Are you telling me that the most beautiful girl in Boston doesn't have a line of men lined up at her front door?"

"Don't tease me," she returned moving away from him.

"I'm not," he said. "I really do think you are the most beautiful girl in Boston. And I would like your permission to call on you on Saturday. I thought we could go to the art museum downtown and then maybe a walk in the park."

"I will be at the hospital on Saturday," Michaela returned hastily.

"Maybe I could convince your father to give you the day off."

Michaela whirled around to face him. "I don't want the day off. I want to be at the hospital with my father. Furthermore I'm a woman and not a girl so if you'll excuse me." She started for the door but David grabbed her hand holding her back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"Let go of me," she replied quickly snatching her hand away from him.

David let go and followed her to the front door. "You are intriguing. Do you know that?" Michaela gave him a disgusted look as she opened the door for him. David laughed. "You won't be able to resist my charms forever," he teased.

"Try me," she said staring him in the face, her expression extremely serious.

"Playing hard to get? I do love a good chase," David returned stepping out the door. "Thank you for a lovely afternoon." He gave a tremendous sweep of his arm and made a big bow to her.

"Good-bye," Michaela said and closed the door on him.

Elizabeth stuck her head out of her study. "Is he leaving already?"

"Yes," Michaela sighed and headed for the stairs.

"He really is, a lovely young gentleman, Michaela. You should give him a chance."

"Mother, you don't even know him. How can you possibly say that?"

"He's the first one to show an interest…"

Michaela cut her mother off. "That doesn't matter. I'm not interested!" With that she ran up the stairs, retreating to the solitude of her bedroom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Cripple Creek Mines, Colorado – June 1852**

"Sully, ya got mail," a voice called out through the crowd of men sitting down to their evening meal.

Sully held up his hand and a stack of letters neatly tied with a piece of twine sailed in his direction. He grabbed for it and brought it down to safely rest in his lap. Eagerly he dug into his dinner, longing to see what was contained in each envelope.

"That's a lot of mail," remarked one of the new guys who sat a couple seats down from Sully.

"Sully gets the most mail around here," one of the older guys called out. Sully just shook his head and continued to eat his dinner.

"Those from your girl?" the new guy asked.

"From his sister," Daniel answered looking up at Sully.

"Right, his sister," called one of the guys as others let out catcalls.

"Why ya always gotta open your big fat mouth?" Sully shot at Daniel giving him a nasty look. "And for the last time she ain't my sister!"

"I'd like to meet this sister," one of the guys at the table called out. Sully snorted angrily and pushed away from the table, glaring once again at Daniel.

"Leave him alone," Daniel shot back at the man as he honestly felt bad for Sully. "It ain't what y'all thinkin'."

"Then what is it? He's the only man here ain't visitin' the saloon girls when they come out. "

"He is not," Daniel said. "Next person who opens their mouth about it, is gonna be talkin' to my fist." He glared at the men around the table but few met his eyes for they all had seen his ability to defend himself.

Meanwhile Sully walked off with his letters neatly tucked underneath his arm looking for a place where he could sit and enjoy them. Sully received her letters once every week, when the foreman traveled into town to pick up the mail for the mining company and for the men who worked there. Sometimes, he only allowed himself to open one letter each day so that they stretched out until the next mail run. Other times when he was feeling especially lonely or insecure he ripped into one after another. Tonight would be one of those nights.

As he read, he felt her sadness and knew that she longed to hear him say that he was coming for a visit. Truth was that he would do almost anything just to hold her again. At first he had stayed away because of money and Elizabeth's anger but eventually both worried him less and less. Now when he contemplated going to see her, his insecurities got the best of him. She had sent him a picture of herself at Christmas time last year which he cherished greatly even though it was the reason behind many of his fears. She had appeared so sophisticated and elegant that Sully couldn't imagine what she ever saw in him. He feared that once she saw him again, once they were together again, she would realize that he was not what she wanted at all. Rationally he told himself that it would be better for that to happen sooner rather than later but still he longed to hold onto the thought that she still loved him.

After reading through each letter, he knew he could not hold back the tears and he walked deeper into the forest in case someone was to stumble upon him crying. She was begging him to come and he could not refuse her again. It was time to see if their relationship which at times felt as if it survived only on paper had stood the test of time and distance. Tomorrow, he would write her and tell her he would visit in August.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_To: Dr. Josef Quinn 10 Mount Street Beacon Hill_

_From: John Jacobs, Cambridge, Maryland_

_Date: August 12, 1852_

_Josef, _

_Anna has suffered another stroke. The doctor says she will not live out the week. Please come as soon as possible._

_John_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_To: Byron Sully, Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado Territory_

_From: Michaela Quinn_

_Date: August 16, 1852_

_Sully,_

_Urgent. Please come. Anna is sick. _

_Michaela._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Boston – August 16, 1852**

Hastily Michaela threw her things in her traveling bag, knowing that at any second her father would call for her and they would have to leave that instant. The telegram that had arrived a few days earlier had only been divulged to her this morning when Josef had decided to go to Maryland. At first, he had argued with Michaela about her going but he soon realized it was pointless to fight about it and so he had conceded.

Going to the closet she pulled dresses off their hangers, haphazardly stuffing them inside her bag. She would have had more time but she had snuck out to the telegraph office to wire Sully. He was scheduled to leave in a couple of days for Boston anyway and she prayed that he got the telegram before he left Colorado. Closing the latch on her bag, she sighed heavily as she realized she had not packed a black dress. Just in case, she told herself wanting to believe that Anna would be okay.

After adding the black dress, she made her way down the stairs as thoughts raced through her mind. She had been so happy knowing that everyday brought her closer to Sully's visit. What would happen now though? If he showed up in Cambridge would Josef send him away? Would the two of them finally make peace with each other? For that matter would Josef make peace with Anna? That she was fairly sure of – that she had concluded was why they were going. Hopefully it was not too late, she told herself.

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**Cambridge, Maryland – September 2, 1852 **

Sully stepped off the sailboat and started across the yard, his heart beating hard within him. Emotions swirled around inside his chest, threatening to choke him at any minute. There was the excitement of seeing Michaela again. It had been over three years since he had last stood on this very lawn with her. Would things have changed since he had left? Would she still feel the same? He grew nervous at the thought.

Yet there was another reason to be nervous. Somewhere inside of the house that now rose before him was Josef. It had been three years since he had last seen him. He knew from Michaela that Josef had been angry when he had made the decision to go west. In his heart, Sully truly loved Josef and thought of him as his father but he felt tremendous anxiety building inside of him. There was no telling how Josef would react to his presence. At least Elizabeth wasn't here he thought.

A sense of dread had fallen upon him ever since he had received Michaela's telegram. He had read it so many times on his journey east that he had it memorized. _Sully. Urgent. please come. Anna is sick. Michaela._ Without giving it a second thought, he had taken the money he had been saving for his trip to Boston and bought a ticket on the first train out of Colorado. And now here he was.

As he ascended the front lawn, he noticed two people off to the side by the big oak that stood in the front of the house. There stood Michaela with a man's arm around her. Sully's heart panicked as he turned to head towards them. As he came closer, he realized the man was Thomas. He felt anger building in him but also a sense of betrayal. Why was Thomas here comforting Michaela? And why was she letting him?

At that same moment, Michaela spotted Sully. Quickly pushing Thomas aside like a rag doll, she ran the short distance that now separated them and threw herself into Sully's arms holding on for dear life.

"Oh, Sully, you came," she said her voice hoarse from crying. "Thank you so much."

"Of course I came, Michaela. Nothing could keep me away."

"I know. I was just worried…" she drifted off. "That doesn't matter- you're here- that's all that matters." She buried her head against his neck and he felt her lips begin to plant light kisses there.

"Michaela," he tried to get her attention gently pushing her away from him.

"I'm sorry, Sully. I just missed you so much. And then Anna got sick and I needed you so much. I can't believe you are really here."

"I missed you too," he said pulling her in close again. "Michaela am I too late?" he whispered, fearing her answer.

"No, Sully, you're not," Michaela said. She let go of Sully and took his hand pulling him toward the house. "When we first arrived here, she was unconscious and the doctor thought she would die any day. Father took over her care and she's improved though he still says things don't look good. She only awoke a few days ago. I told her you were coming. I think she's holding on just to see you." The words sounded so final to Sully's ears and a small sob escaped his lips as the reality of what was to come settled firmly in his mind. "Father's with her now," she informed him. "This is the first chance he's had to talk to her. I think he's making things right with her so if we can wait a few minutes before going in."

Sully nodded. "Of course. I'm happy that Josef is willin' to make it right."

"Me too," Michaela said smiling back at him. She guided him into the house, up the stairs and into her bedroom forgetting completely that she had left Thomas standing on the front lawn. She shut the door behind them and watched as Sully turned around to face her. Last time she had seen him, he was fourteen and she had thought he looked like a man. Yet gazing on what now stood before her, she knew she couldn't have been more wrong. "What is it?" Sully asked drinking in her face just as she was his.

"You're a man," she said simply.

"I am?" Sully returned cheekily.

Michaela blushed as she neared him. "Your hair is longer," she remarked as the sides of her mouth began to curl.

"It was longer than this. I stopped in Baltimore and got a shave and a hair cut."

"You had a beard?" Michaela asked with amusement in her eyes.

"Yep." Sully nodded his head.

"I wish you hadn't shaved it, just so I could see what it looked like."

"That could still be arranged," Sully replied. "It grows in fairly quick."

Michaela giggled nervously as she sucked her bottom lip between her front teeth.

No longer could Sully hold out. He crossed the short distance between them and pulled her close, breathing in deeply her intoxicating scent. Tears began to splash down his face. "I'm so sorry," he whispered against her ear. "How could I stay away for so long?" Michaela remained silent as the same question rose up in her mind as well. "I love ya so much," he continued. "You're all I think about. You're what I work for each and every day."

Michaela looked up at him as she brought a hand up to wipe at his tears. "You're here now. That's what matters."

"You're so beautiful," he remarked staring down into her mismatched eyes and drowning in what he found there. "Can I kiss ya?" he asked tentatively, frightened that he might scare her after being apart for so long.

Michaela rolled her eyes. "What do you think I'm waiting for?"

Quickly Sully closed the distance, placing a gentle innocent kiss on her lips. He began to pull back but Michaela needed more. It had been too long. Again their lips met and this time Sully opened his mouth over hers. The same fear as always rose up in her and she clamped her mouth shut before she even realized what she was doing. Sully pulled back. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoping that she wouldn't pull away.

"Don't be," she whispered shyly. "I don't know why I do that."

"I've been away so long. What you must think." He began to pull away as all the insecurities surfaced but Michaela held him close. "I keep tellin' myself that everything I'm doin' is for our future. I keep hopin' nothin's changed."

"Nothing has changed," she whispered. "At least not for me," she amended.

Sully saw the fleeting look of fear on her face and quickly spoke to alleviate her doubts. "Not for me either. Oh god, I love you so much." He buried his face in her hair as he spoke, filling his senses with her.

"Promise me that you'll never stay away this long again," Michaela said gripping him tightly.

"I promise," he breathed as he pulled back to meet her lips once more.


	61. Chapter 61

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- one**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 2, 1852 **

This was all he had thought about for so long that now that it was happening it felt almost surreal. She was kissing him – no longer on his lips but on his cheeks, on his neck, along his jaw as if she couldn't get enough of him. Truthfully he was enjoying it and he didn't really have the urge to stop her. Yet something was bothering him and he knew he had to ask her.

"Umm…. Michaela," he whispered, his voice cracking as she kissed a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

"Yes?" she replied before kissing him once more on the lips.

"Why was," he began but her lips found his once more. When she pulled back he had almost forgotten what he was going to say.

"Why was…" she repeated trying to get him to finish. The smirk on her face said she was pleased with herself for making him forget.

"Why was Thomas here?"

"Thomas," she gasped. "I left him outside."

"Ya were gonna invite him in?"

"No," she whispered her eyes suddenly full of something Sully hadn't seen there before. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was but he didn't like it.

"What is it Michaela?"

"I…." she began but then stopped her face falling.

"Michaela did he hurt ya?" Sully felt his heart pounding with just the thought, his fists already clenching against her back.

"No but I don't trust him. I was sitting in the oak, upset about Anna."

"Ya were sittin' in the oak?" Sully asked his face showing his surprise.

"Yes," Michaela said giving a little shake of her head as she wondered why Sully's face had suddenly lit up. "What's so special about that?"

"Nothing," Sully said, the whole time thinking how pleased he was that Michaela hadn't turned into some uppity Boston socialite. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

She smiled at him now and he knew this was his smile. "It's okay," she said laying her head against his chest so that he could no longer see her face. He pulled her flush against him as he felt her hands wrap firmly around his torso as if they were holding on for dear life. From this new protective position she continued. "He startled me when he came up the lawn. I hadn't noticed him until he was directly under the tree. I didn't want to come down but seeing the expression on his face, I didn't want to stay up either."

"Whadda ya mean?"

"My skirt was pulled funny. I knew he could see my petticoats and he was looking." She stopped suddenly as she felt Sully tense in her arms. "It's okay Sully."

"We'll see," he said as he wished to reserve judgment until he heard the whole story. "Just go on."

"So I jumped down because I didn't like the way he was looking at me. He could tell I had been crying and he gave me a hug telling me how sorry he was to hear that Anna was ill. He seemed so generally concerned that for a moment I let myself believe he was sincere."

"But?"

"Then he left his arm around me and I didn't like it. He was still saying all these sweet things but I just wanted his arm off of me."

"Why didn't ya push it off?" Sully interrupted.

"Something isn't right about him," Michaela whispered. "He's the kind of person you don't want to make angry."

"Did he try anything?" Sully asked as he leaned his head against the top of hers.

"No, you came," she said and he could hear the relief in her voice.

"I don't want ya goin' anywhere alone," Sully quickly declared.

Michaela laughed. "Well you're here now. Do you think I am going to let you out of my sight?"

Sully smiled as she turned her face up to look at him. Still his heart felt heavy and he knew what he needed to ask. "Does Josef know that I'm here?"

"I didn't exactly tell him you were coming," Michaela said dropping her eyes.

"So what exactly did ya tell him?" he asked letting go of her as she began to pull away physically at the mention of her father.

"Nothing," she said biting on her bottom lip. Silence filled the room and eventually she had to look up at Sully to see his reaction. He faced the window instead of her now, his face contorted. "Please don't be upset," she whispered moving towards him again. "I didn't know what to say." She waited for a moment and then in a cheery voice said,  
"Oh, by the way Father I think Sully might be stopping by later seemed a little far fetched."

Sully turned to face her as the sides of his lips curled upwards. "Yeah, I guess so," he replied. "I'm not upset. Just thinkin' about how hard this is gonna be."

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The room was dark when he first entered. He could barely make out her form lying in the bed from the door but he knew she was there. Still he remained at the door, taking deep breaths hoping to calm his racing heart. This is what had haunted him for the past year - the thought that she would die before he spoke to her one last time. And now here he was- Anna standing at death's door while he could barely bring himself to enter hers.

Closing his eyes, he summed up every ounce of energy he could and boldly strolled into the room. He first went to the windows, opening up the curtains so that light poured into the room. He also opened the windows as the days had yet to turn cool and he thought some fresh air would be good for her. He stood back and admired his work, thinking how ironic it was that this was the same room in which his grandfather had died. In fact, this was the same room in which his grandmother had died giving birth to Anna. She would die here as well he thought. The place where she had come into the world would be the place where she would leave it.

Turning around, his eyes fell on her and he noticed that she was awake. "Anna," he said walking in her direction. She turned her head slightly, her mouth opening but only a series of unintelligible words came out. "Don't try to talk," he soothed noticing how agitated she was becoming. "Would you like to sit up?" he asked knowing she could answer with her head. Anna nodded slightly and Josef propped her frail frame up against the pillows. He moved to sit down in the bedside chair yet his muscles remained rigid as he contemplated what he needed to say.

"Anna, there are things I need to say," he began his eyes meeting hers. "Or actually there are things I wish I had never said." Her gaze was too much for him and he dropped his eyes as he continued. "Sometimes the words I'm sorry don't seem like enough to cover all the bad things you said to someone. I am sorry for that day in the library." He paused here finally looking up at her, watching as a tear began to roll down her cheek. "Don't cry," he whispered leaning up and wiping it away.

Again, Anna tried to speak. "Fo," was all she managed to get out. Josef quieted her again but took her hand in his before continuing.

"I've never understood you mother. I've tried and failed miserably. When Michaela was born, even when she was just a baby, I would look at her and immediately think of you. The eyes were part of it of course but she always had that same spirit as well. I've often been accused of favoring her and I must admit I have been guilty of it." He laughed softly and noticed how the right side of Anna's lips curled as she tried to smile.

"When I was a child, I thought there was nothing better than being at your side. I saw the way that Father's face lit up when you entered the room. One look from you could make my whole day seem somehow brighter. I never understood when the two of you fought. He used to get so angry with you." Josef smiled to himself momentarily before continuing. "But he never stayed angry with you, did he? Within the hour, the two of you would make up usually. I remember one day when I walked in on the two of you kissing after a particularly loud fight." Josef stopped again, letting the memory wash over him. "That was the day I first saw passion," he whispered. "The way he was kissing you…" His voice trailed off here and he gripped his mother's hand tighter seeing the peaceful look on her face.

"I don't know why I remembered that now," Josef added, his face turning red in embarrassment. "Except that I am not sure I really understood that kind of passion either. Everything was like that for you though. Whatever you believed in, you gave your whole self to it. You never held back. I think Michaela's like that too. I think I've always wanted to be close to her so that I might understand you. She feels things so deeply. Sometimes she has this far off look in her eye that I can't make out. To be honest, it scares me but only because I don't know what it is."

Josef let out a deep sigh. "I really am completely off topic now," he said smiling up at her but then his countenance fell. "Why do we hurt the ones we love most in this world?" he asked. "Why do we strike out at the ones that know us best? Why do we push them away? I don't think I even have a good answer, mama. I keep trying to make it rational but I'm not sure it is rational. It has something to do with fear, with being hurt ourselves. "

He felt Anna's grip slightly tighten on his hand and he suddenly felt the strength to go on even though his voice was no more than a whisper. "I've been hurt mama. And I just wanted you to know that same hurt." Tears began to fall from his eyes but he continued on without brushing them away. "I'm so sorry for that. I'm so sorry I took Michaela away from you that summer. I'm so sorry." With these last three words, he buried his head on the side of the bed unable to go on as sobs racked his body. He dropped Anna's hand but she managed to lift it and lay it on top of his head, her fingers making light rubbing motions against him. He cried and cried until he felt empty letting all the emotions of the last three years come spilling out of him. When he finally raised his head, he felt more at peace than he had in a long time.

"For," Anna tried to say again, her mouth drooping terribly.

"What is it mama?"

"For… Forg…Forg," she repeated.

At first Josef's face was a mass of confusion but as if some invisible force made her language intelligible, he suddenly understood. "Forgiven?" he asked, letting the joy of that one word wash over him.

Anna gave a slight nod but then patted her own chest as well which was a struggle given her state. "Me," she said almost completely clear.

"I do forgive you mama," Josef exclaimed taking her frail hand in his and kissing it. The good side of Anna's mouth attempted a smile and Josef returned it. Her face looked at peace and he felt relieved, more relieved than he had felt in the last three years.

"Su," Anna attempted to speak again. "Mic."

"Michaela's here mama. I'll get her."

"Su," Anna said again.

Josef's face fell. "Sully's out west, mama. I didn't even think to contact him. I'm sorry," he said as a new wave of guilt washed over him. "I'll get Michaela." Hastily he rose and exited the room. He glanced down the hall, noticing Michaela's bedroom door was shut and he wondered if she was inside. Within a minute, he was at her door gently knocking. "Michaela," he called.

Inside the room, Sully and Michaela panicked as they pulled away from each other once again eyeing the door. "Yes," Michaela said starting to cross to the door.

"Anna is asking for you."

Michaela opened the door. Her father stood there his cheeks stained with tears and his eyes rimmed with red. Yet there was also a look of contentment that led her to believe somehow Father had made his peace with Anna. That look gave her courage and before she lost it, she said, "Father, Sully's here."

Josef's mouth dropped open as he was having trouble believing what he had just heard. "What?" he whispered as Sully moved towards the door. Now Josef really did a double take because when Michaela had said Sully, the image of a frightened little boy sitting beside his daughter in a hospital waiting room had come to mind. Yet here was a grown man standing before him.

"Josef," Sully said reaching his hand out towards the older gentleman.

"How is it possible?" he asked ignoring the outstretched hand.

"I sent a telegram," Michaela whispered wondering if once the shock wore off, he would be angry.

Yet within the next moment her fears were settled. Josef stepped into the room, reaching past Sully's outstretched hand embracing the young man as if he was his long lost son. Michaela smiled at the scene before her as tears of happiness stung her eyes. "Thank you," she mouthed looking up towards the heavens as the first tear fell down her cheek.

When Josef finally let Sully go, he stepped back looking the boy up and down, so many questions coming to mind. "Anna is asking for you," he said his eyes large in amazement. "Asking for both of you."

"I'd like to see her," Sully returned.

"Come on," he said taking Sully's hand and then Michaela's as he pulled them out the door and down the hall.

The room was as he left it and he literally saw Anna light up when the two young people appeared in the door. Sully went to her bed immediately, leaning in to kiss her upon the cheek. "Anna," he said in greeting sitting on the side of her bed and taking her hand in his.

Michaela was right behind him and she sat down as well, one hand absentmindedly resting on Sully's back and the other on Anna's sheet covered leg. Josef took no notice of how close they sat or the fact that they were touching as he was still in awe over the events of the last hour. Anna's forgiveness and Sully's unexpected arrival danced through his head, making him almost giddy. What he did notice though was the way Anna's face turned ashen almost immediately after Sully had greeted her. Quickly he crossed to the other side of the bed, taking Anna's wrist in his own as he felt for a pulse. His heart panicked momentarily noticing how shallow her breathing had become.

"Sully," he whispered. "Could you get John and Ida?"

Sully looked up wondering why Josef was sending him away but as soon as he saw his face, he knew. "Yeah," he whispered taking off quickly, his feet thundering down the stairs.

Michaela looked over at her father and tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. "Is this it?" she whispered.

Josef nodded. "We need to say our goodbyes," he breathed his voice cracking with emotion.

Michaela looked down at Anna, tears already cascading down her cheeks. "Anna I love you," she whispered. Anna turned her head, nodding it slightly in Michaela's direction as if to say she loved her too. Taking Anna's hand in hers, she stretched alongside her in the bed, feeling the need to be close to her in these last few moments.

Josef sat down on the other side of the bed watching his daughter and mother together. He leaned in and kissed Anna on the cheek. "I love you mama," he whispered near her ear trying to hold back his own tears which threatened to fall once again.

John, Ida and Sully arrived in the doorway shortly after. Sully went back to the bedside and sat down in the space where Michaela's knees curled in. Reaching inwards, he placed his hand over the clasped hands of Anna and Michaela. Ida and John joined Josef on the other side of the bed.

Ida leaned in first to kiss her cheek. "Go on home now Anna. Ya gots a lot of people waitin' up there for ya," she whispered. Her eyes were spilling forth tears as well.

John came next. He also leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Anna, we love ya. We gonna see ya again someday." He grasped his wife's hand as he stood back up feeling suddenly overcome with emotion.

Sully spoke next, his voice raw. "Anna, I love ya," he whispered as his thumb stroked her hand.

The room grew silent then except for the occasional sniffle. They watched and waited. Josef kept his finger on her pulse knowing it would soon be over. Sadness and peace mixed inside of him as he sat watching his mother die, trying to remember every good memory of her that he had.

Ida couldn't stand the deathly silence of the room. Anna who had been so full of spirit in life should not die in silence, she thought. Reaching her hand up to dry her tears, she cleared her throat. She would sing her into that peaceful sleep as she had her own mother years before. Her mind stumbled to find some suitable song but in the end she just decided on the one that came to mind first.

"Gonna set down and rest awhile when my good Lord calls me," she sang out.

Michaela sobbed harder as she felt Sully's hand upon her back.

Ida's voice felt stronger now as she belted out the next part. "Sister Mary went to heaven, and she went there to stay, and she didn't go to come back no more."

Josef felt his own body trembling. "I love you mama," he repeated again, pulling her hand to his chest.

"She sang a song that the angels couldn't' sing, Hosanna carry on."

John wrapped his arm around his wife pulling her close as her voice filled the air.

"Little children, don't you moan when my good Lord calls me, O Zion! When my good Lord calls me."

The weak beat of her heart became weaker until it stopped altogether. No one needed Josef to say it though. They all knew that she was gone. Tears fell as chests heaved with unspoken grief. Josef lay on the bed now, his head buried in the covers as his body shook with sobs. Sully laid overtop of Michaela practically, trying hard to comfort her and find comfort all at the same time. John and Ida clung to each other as the realization that she was gone settled firmly within each of them. No one was aware of the passing of time, of the sun setting just outside or of the hunger in their bellies. All of that could be taken into account later. Now was the time to grieve the remarkable woman who had shaped each of their lives.

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**Colorado Springs – 1860**

Michaela took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart. This wasn't the first time she had to tell someone that a loved one had died but this was different. Tears were building in her eyes and she hastily wiped at them vowing not to cry yet. Wiping her hands on her apron, she stepped from the room as three anxious faces stared up at her.

"I'm so sorry," she said, her voice wavering. "There was nothing I could do."

"She's gone?" Loren asked his face contorted with grief. Michaela nodded.

"It can't be," Maude said. "I need to see her. I need to see my baby."

"Of course." Michaela moved to the side of the door, her eyes alighting on Sully.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered once they were alone in the hall. She moved to stand beside him wrapping her arm around his shoulder. "I should never have come."

"This is all my fault," Sully cried laying his head against her. "This is all my fault."

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**Cambridge, Maryland - September 3, 1852**

Sully opened his eyes immediately feeling the stiffness in his back and needing to stretch. His eyes stared up at the ceiling as he wondered what felt so heavy against his chest. Looking down he remembered. Michaela had fallen asleep laying on him last night. They were on the floor of her bedroom, Sully stretched out on the rug with Michaela lying perpendicular to him, her head on his chest. He smiled down at her still in awe that he was actually here in this place with her. Running his hand down her arm, he felt her stir. Slowly her eyes opened meeting his and a small smiled formed on her lips.

"Good morning," she whispered as Sully brought his hand up to stroke her cheek. "I still can't believe you're actually here."

"I know - though I probably shouldn't be here," he said indicating her bedroom.

Michaela smiled. "Thank you for staying with me last night." She pushed herself upright her hands moving to straighten her hair.

"You're welcome," Sully returned also rising. He had a terrible crick in his neck and he tried to work it out with his fingers.

"Here let me," Michaela offered already moving behind him as she sat up on her knees. He lowered his hand as hers took over, massaging the right side of his neck and down onto his shoulder. He closed his eyes and leaned back against her unconsciously, enjoying the feel of her fingers upon his skin. A light sob brought him back to reality and he turned to see tears running down Michaela's cheek. Pulling her down so that she sat on his lap, he lovingly wrapped his arms around her.

"Shh, Michaela," he whispered at her ear. "What is it?"

"I feel so happy and so sad all at once," she managed to choke out. "You're here and I want to be with you and be happy but Anna's gone."

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be fine. You don't have to feel guilty because you're happy," he said knowing exactly what was going on within her mind.

Michaela peeked up at him. "But Anna…"

"But Anna would want you to be happy," Sully assured her. "I know the next couple of days are gonna be hard. One minute you'll be fine, next minute you'll be cryin'. That's the way it is when people you love die."

Michaela watched him intently as he spoke feeling the truth echoed in his words. She placed a light kiss to his neck. "I never remember until it's too late. You've been through all this before."

Sully sighed. "I wish I could forget."

"I'm sorry."

"No don't be. I mean ya learn that death is a part of life. We all learn it but some of us learn it earlier than others." Sully leaned down and kissed the center of her head, letting his nose inhale the scent of her. "I love the way ya smell," he said as the cloud of sadness seemed to pass away, his senses overwhelmed with her.

Movement out in the hall made them both jump, quickly letting go of each other. "Oh no," Michaela whispered already fearing the worst. But whoever it was passed. They could hear their footsteps echoing down the stairs.

"I better go 'fore we have another close call," Sully remarked. Michaela moved off his lap so that he could stand. "See ya downstairs in a few minutes." He turned to go but Michaela's hand on his shoulder stopped him. "What?" he asked turning around to face her once again.

She didn't speak but leaned towards him letting him know what she desired. Without hesitating, Sully closed the space between them lightly kissing her lips before backing the rest of the distance to the door. He hit it with a thud and Michaela laughed at him as he turned slightly pink in embarrassment.

"I'll see you downstairs," she said giving a little wave of her hand.

"Right," Sully replied smiling as he left the room.

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The morning was busy as word spread that Anna had passed away the previous day. Folks from town came bringing food and offering their condolences. Some were sincere, others were prying. Ida dealt with most of them which was a welcome relief for Michaela as well as Josef. Neither felt much up to facing strangers at the moment. During a lull in visitors, they all sat in the kitchen trying to decide what kind of service to have for Anna. For the last several years, she had attended church with John and Ida. Their pastor had come by early that morning to see them. Josef felt that it was fitting that he should do the service even though he knew many would object because the gentleman was black. Yet everyone agreed that Anna would have wanted it that way.

In the afternoon, John hitched up the carriage to ride into town for supplies. There would be many guests in the next couple of days, plus he insisted on making Anna's coffin himself. Michaela went in order to send telegrams to the family. Sully accompanied them to help out wherever he could. 1The carriage ride into town did everyone some good. Out of the house, in the bright sunshine it was hard not to smile. A gentle breeze blew on them as they traveled slowly along making Michaela and Sully glad they had volunteered to go. Michaela reached over and laid her hand on top of Sully's reveling in the warmth it emitted.

"How would I get through this if you weren't here?"

"Ya would," he said. "You're stronger than ya think."

"I don't know about that," Michaela said shaking her head.

Sully gave her an odd look then leaned in close to her ear. "Somehow we both made it through three years apart from each other. Don't doubt that you're strong."

Michaela smiled. "Your letters were all that kept me going many times."

"Same here," he returned as he interlaced his fingers through hers.

"When do you have to go back?" she asked fearing his answer.

"Ain't really got a schedule. Right now I'm needed here so I'll be stayin' for awhile."

Michaela smiled and gave his hand a light squeeze. "Thank you," she whispered.

Soon they were riding through town and Sully moved away from Michaela on the seat. She smiled at him as he did. John tipped his hat as they passed groups of people. Some waved back. All seemed to be staring and whispering as they watched the carriage ride by. John pulled the carriage to a stop in front of the telegraph office and turned to face them. "Seems we're the entertainment this afternoon," he remarked with a chuckle. "Now don't ya go mindin' the stares. People just like to talk 'specially 'bout deaths. All standin' around like vultures wonderin' whose gonna get the money."

Michaela and Sully both laughed at John's comment and he smiled at them in return. "I hadn't thought about that," Michaela said.

"That's cause ya loved the person that died - not just the money they spent improvin' the town."

Michaela nodded but her mind was working now as she thought about Anna's estate. "Do you know who is going to get her estate?" Michaela asked looking up at John.

He smiled and nodded his head. "Ain't for me to say though. Her lawyer gonna come down from Boston and read the will I'm sure."

""Right," Michaela said. "Guess I better send these telegrams." Sully hopped out of the carriage and helped her down. "Thank you" she said looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "I'll meet you back here."

Sully looked up at John, then back at Michaela. "I'd rather ya not be alone." His voice was low as he looked around the street. "I'm sure John won't mind if I come with ya."

"Sully don't be silly. I'll be fine. Besides John is going to need your help loading the wagon."

"We can wait for ya," John added seeing the concern on Sully's face.

"No, let's get this done and get home before we attract much more attention."

"'Kay," John said as he turned to walk towards the general store. Reluctantly Sully turned and followed him as Michaela went into the telegraph office. She had quite a few telegrams to send but the message was basically the same on each so it didn't take her very long. The operator promised to bring out any replies at the end of the day for which Michaela was grateful. Leaving the office, she headed over to the general store to meet up with Sully and John.

Thomas had seen their carriage arrive from inside of the barbershop, where he was himself talking about Anna's estate. Unlike Michaela, who had never even considered herself as a possible heir, many of the townsfolk had heard the rumors that she was. Thomas believed them to be true. He felt his anger surge inside of him when he had spotted Sully. Sully had ruined his moment with Michaela the other day and he still hadn't forgotten it. He was pleased though when he watched the young man walk off with John, leaving Michaela unaccompanied. As Michaela emerged alone from the telegraph office, he took a swig out of his hip flask and then stepped out into the street walking towards her.

Michaela smelled him before she actually saw him. His hand was on her arm as he tried to stop her. The smell of alcohol was strong on his breath making Michaela turn her nose up. "Sorry to hear about Anna's passin'," he began as Michaela wheeled around to face him.

"Thank you," she hastily whispered trying to pull her arm away.

"When's the service gonna be?" he asked increasing his grip on her arm.

"We don't know yet," Michaela replied her eyes desperately searching for any sign of John and Sully as she regretted her earlier decision to go alone.

Thomas took advantage of her turned head to slip his arm around her waist pulling her close to him. Michaela pulled away but his fingers cut into her flesh making her wince in pain. "You are going to be a very rich woman," he whispered in her ear his words slurring.

"Please let me go," she returned as panic began to rise up in her.

"Rich and beautiful is a good combination."

"Please," she begged again trying to pull away as Thomas began pushing her in the direction of the livery. People on the street stared but none of them said anything or made a move to help her.

"And I've seen that fire in ya. Ya got that same fire in bed?" he snickered.

It was at that moment that Michaela saw Sully carrying a box out of the general store. She tried to yell his name but her voice seemed locked within her. Yet Sully was already looking in the direction of the telegraph office and then his eyes scanned the rest of the street finally settling on her. He dropped the box, taking off across the street at a fast jog, his heart pounding wildly within him.

"Let her go," he said approaching the two of them, his fists already balled at his sides.

"Maybe I should ask Sully since he's here. So how is she in bed?" That was Sully's undoing. He grabbed the front of Thomas' shirt pushing him backwards. Thomas let go of Michaela in order to defend himself. Sully was too quick for him and had already landed a punch to the side of his face. A trickle of blood oozed out of the corner of his mouth as he stumbled backwards.

He charged at Sully in his drunken state and Sully quickly side stepped him so that he landed with a thud on the ground. By then a few men had made their way over to see what the commotion was. They knew Thomas was trouble but were equally suspicious of the stranger in front of him.

"What's goin' on here?" a deputy spoke up.

Sully looked up at the man. "Just teachin' some manners," he replied turning to Michaela who was nursing the still tender flesh on her side. "Ya okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Thomas wouldn't let me go. Sully stopped him."

"He's drunk," someone said from the crowd. "Ya know how he gets when he's been drinkin'. Sure he didn't mean no harm."

Sully moved over beside Michaela trying to ascertain that she was really okay. "Ain't no excuse for treatin' a woman like that," Sully replied casting angry glances at the men standing there.

The deputy reached down and helped Thomas up. "Just needs to sleep it off. I'll put him in the cell until he sobers up." With that the men dispersed heading back to their various haunts to discuss the recent events.

"Are ya sure you're okay?"

"Sully, I'm fine. He scared me more than anything."

"Are ya gonna listen to me now and stop goin' off alone?"

"Yes sir," she said giving him a little salute to which he laughed.

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**Baltimore, Maryland - September 5, 1852**

Michaela wiped the sleep out of her eyes as she stood on the boat looking up towards the street. Her family was arriving today – her mother, sisters, husbands, children, her aunt and uncle and possibly her cousins. They had all sent return telegrams telling of their impending arrival. The whole of the day before had been spent readying the house for the multitude of guests that would be descending upon it. Their train had come in very early which meant they had left the house before the sun came up to meet them at the dock.

Sully came up behind Michaela running his hand down the length of her arm. "Sully," she scolded. "What if someone is looking?"

"They're not," he returned playfully. "You're kinda jumpy."

"I'm just hot," she snapped. "It's too hot to be wearing black."

"Sorry," Sully replied rolling his eyes and moving away from her.

Immediately Michaela felt bad for snapping at him. "No, I'm sorry. You're right I am jumpy."

"Nervous 'bout the family comin'?"

"Mother doesn't know you're here," she reminded him. "I don't want a scene."

"Josef said he would take care of it," Sully reassured her but Michaela still looked doubtful.

"They're here," she said her voice sounding more nervous all the time.

Sully looked over towards the street and sure enough several carriages had pulled up to the unloading area. Elizabeth was already alighting.

"Listen, nothin's gonna stop me from bein' here. I loved Anna too and ya need me here."

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "I do," she said wishing that she could throw herself into his arms. "I really do."

"I think they're here," Josef called as he joined them in the bow.

"Yeah, we better go on up there." Sully started to the edge of the boat and climbed over, helping Michaela down next. John and Josef joined them on the dock as they all made their way up to the carriages.

"I don't see Teddy," Josef remarked looking back and forth.

"Maybe he couldn't come today," Michaela offered though in her heart she knew there was a good possibility Josef's brother wouldn't come at all.

Suddenly a blur shot past Michaela and grabbed onto Sully knocking him backwards. Michaela turned quickly to see Anne holding onto Sully for dear life. "Sully," she squealed with all the enthusiasm of a nine year old.

"Can't breathe," Sully choked out as he pried her hands from around him. Michaela couldn't help but laugh though she tried to hide it behind her hand.

"Mama didn't tell me you were coming," Anne said now doing a little dance around Sully.

"That's because no one knew Sully would be here," Elizabeth said looking up at Josef questioningly. "But it is nice to see you," she said giving him a light pat on the back.

"It's nice to see ya too," Sully returned.

"Josef, I'm so sorry," Elizabeth said giving him a brief hug. Josef put on a smile and nodded his head. His daughters offered their condolences next along with their husbands.

Sully stood looking at Marjorie and Everett. It felt weird to see them together, married now and he couldn't help but think of Paul at that moment. Michaela caught him looking and turned to whisper, "Weird huh?"

"Yeah. I keep thinking of Paul." Michaela smiled but Anne once again came between the two of them grabbing Sully's hand and pulling him over to the carriage to show him her luggage.

"Theodore," Elizabeth began but Josef interrupted her.

"There will be plenty of time for talk back at the house Elizabeth. Right now we need to get everything unloaded and then reloaded on the boat."

Elizabeth nodded, regarding Sully warily. "Yes, we will have a lot to talk about."

Quickly the men worked to transport luggage and boxes between the carriages and sailboat while meanwhile settling the woman and children on board. Once everything was on, they were underway with Michaela and Sully working the sails and John at the wheel. It didn't exactly take three people but Michaela wanted to show off and Sully didn't dare sit down lest Anne would be all over him.

There was a general buzz about who would be sleeping where. Sully was securing the boom with Michaela beside him. He couldn't resist whispering, "I know who I would like to share a room with."

Michaela blushed furiously but giggled nonetheless. "Now, Mr. Sully I couldn't possibly share a room with you that would be inappropriate," she teased.

"Wasn't talking about ya," he returned. "I was talking about Anne," he replied letting out a loud chuckle.

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	62. Chapter 62

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- two**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 5, 1852 **

The day had been long for everyone. Train travel, boat rides, sleeping arrangements, meals served in the formal dining room and children everywhere. Ida had bitten her tongue so many times since the family's arrival that she was surprised she had a tongue left. John was as patient as ever, though when the last dish had been put away, he was the first one out the back door not even bothering to wait for Ida. Anne had already worn out her welcome and Michaela was wondering how her favorite sister had produced her least favorite niece.

The men congregated in the morning room after dinner while the woman all took part in getting the children settled for bed. Michaela and Sully were helping Ida and John with the multitude of tasks that needed to be done. The other siblings seemed oblivious to anything but themselves. Josef and Elizabeth had meanwhile retired to the front porch, stealing a few moments alone to talk.

"So why didn't Teddy come?" Josef asked leaning his head back against the swing.

"He'll be here tomorrow," Elizabeth replied. "I'm not sure why he decided not to come today."

"Do you really think he'll come tomorrow?"

"I don't know." Elizabeth turned towards him. "Don't let that bother you."

"She was his mother," Josef remarked. "He can't come to his own mother's funeral?"

"You've got to let him deal with this his own way. Teddy isn't like you."

Josef turned away from her as the reality of Elizabeth's statement overtook him. It was true Teddy wasn't like him. Unlike Josef, he would never have the opportunity to see his mother one last time. He would never sit at her bedside and hold her hand as she was dying. He would never have the peace that Josef felt knowing that he was on good terms with his mother when she died. That had been Teddy's choice though. A silent tear slipped down Josef's cheek as a low sob escaped his throat.

Elizabeth reached over and took his hand in her own. "You wanted to make up with Anna. It was the right thing to do. And as much as either of us thinks that Teddy should have done the same thing, he had to make his own decision."

"Who is he like?" he asked. Elizabeth wrinkled her brow in confusion. "You said he's not like me. So who is he like?"

Elizabeth reached over and wiped the wetness from beneath Josef's eyes. "I don't know. You are both some strange conglomeration of your parents."

Josef chuckled out loud at Elizabeth's comment. "Strange conglomeration huh?"

"In some ways, Teddy is like your father – he can be stern, exacting. But sometimes I see your mother in him. The way he approaches everything with such enthusiasm reminds me of Anna."

"What about me?" Josef asked, wondering now what characteristics of his parents he possessed.

"You are just like your father when it comes to girls," Elizabeth laughed. Josef gave her a confused look. "Your father had a soft spot where your mother was concerned. You did too and with Michaela." Josef nodded in agreement. "But you have your mother's compassion." She smiled as she said this and Josef squeezed her hand to let her know how much he appreciated that.

A comfortable silence settled between them as they rocked gently back and forth in the swing. Josef knew that Elizabeth wanted to discuss Sully's presence but he had already decided not to bring it up unless she did. He didn't have long to wait. "How did Sully find out about Anna?"

"Michaela sent him a telegram," Josef replied.

"She knew where he was?" Elizabeth's voice already had a slight edge to it making Josef tense.

"Maybe they've kept in contact," he offered, shrugging his shoulders. Until that moment, Josef hadn't given the matter much thought and he felt a little foolish now that Elizabeth was on the offensive.

"How long has he been here?"

"He came on the second – literally minutes before Anna died." Josef paused and looked over at her determined not to let her make this harder on anybody than it already was. "Elizabeth, you may not like Sully being here but he does have a right to be." His voice was quiet but solid as he spoke.

Instantly, Elizabeth grew defensive. "I'm not trying to deny that Josef. I simply thought that we agreed that it was best for Sully to not have contact with Michaela."

"Agreed? No you decided that for yourself. I never agreed to that. He's here because Anna was dying – not because of Michaela. Good lord, he spent more time with Anna than any of our other children."

"I know," Elizabeth said her voice sharp, cutting the air. "Still did you see them on the boat today?"

"Oh god, we aren't going back to that again, are we? Three years, Elizabeth. They haven't seen each other for three years."

"But apparently they've been keeping in touch," she reminded him. Mentally she was making a note to look for the evidence that they had been writing back and forth, the moment she arrived home.

"We raised them like brother and sister for several years. Do you expect them to start acting like strangers all of a sudden?"

"Why hasn't he kept in touch with us?"

Josef took a deep breath and turned away from Elizabeth. "I don't know but neither of us can deny the fact that he was always close to Michaela. If he was going to keep in touch with anyone, it would have been her."

"That's my point Josef."

"Elizabeth we can't infer a relationship simply because they are close. You act like men and women can't have anything to do with each other besides marriage."

"Let's forget about anything I might have said about them in the past and look only at the facts as they are now. They are close. They have kept in touch. And now they are all grown up."

Josef gave her a strange look. "What does the fact that they are grown up have to do with anything?"

"Sully is a man."

"That's usually what little boys grow up to be," Josef said a wide grin spreading across his face.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "You are impossible."

"The same could be said for you," Josef returned but his tone was lighthearted. "It feels good reconnecting with Sully after all this time."

"It might feel good for your daughter as well. A little too good."

"Elizabeth," he scolded.

"All I'm saying is that Sully is…. well rather good looking and…"

"Should I be worried about Michaela or you?" Josef teased.

Elizabeth turned a brilliant shade of red. "Fine Josef, I'll drop it. But don't come crying to me when you find them off somewhere kissing." Josef laughed but Elizabeth was completely serious.

**----------------------------------------------------**

**Boston, 1864**

Elizabeth opened the front door and stepped into the house bracing herself for what was to come. She hadn't even taken off her coat before Josef was in the foyer. His eyes were flashing with something akin to fear or maybe it was anger. Elizabeth turned to face him waiting for the clash she knew was coming.

"Have you seen Michaela today?" he demanded.

"Why?"

"I just went to her room and she wasn't there. She left this note on my desk in the library." He thrust a piece of Michaela's stationary towards her. Elizabeth looked down but she didn't read it because she already knew what it said. Quickly, she looked back at Josef. "We have to go after her," he exclaimed. "She can't go to Colorado by herself. She's sick and half out of her mind."

"No she isn't," Elizabeth said her voice low.

Josef furrowed his brow. "Elizabeth she hasn't come out of her room in a week and then today she packs up and leaves. Tell me she isn't mentally unstable."

"She's not. She was probably more rational and sane today than she has been in a long time."

"Did you see her today?" Elizabeth nodded in response as she took a deep breath. "Did you know she was leaving?"

"Yes," she replied her voice a little louder than before.

"Why didn't you stop her? " Josef exclaimed as he clenched his fists at his sides.

"Don't yell at me Josef. I refuse to sit around and watch our daughter suffer through this unhappiness."

"What unhappiness? She has everything she could possibly want. She's practicing medicine. David proposed to her."

"Michaela turned him down this morning," Elizabeth informed him. Josef's mouth dropped open in surprise. "You're right Josef – everything is here for her. Everything except the one thing she wants."

"We have to go get her Elizabeth. We can't let her go. She is in no state to travel."

"It's too late," Elizabeth whispered moving past Josef toward the stairs.

"It isn't too late! We have to get her."

Elizabeth turned back towards Josef. His face was even more frantic than before. "Josef don't waste your time. I put her on the train myself and I stood there and watched it pull away. She's gone."

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**Cambridge, Maryland – September 5, 1852 **

Michaela lay in her room contemplating the ceiling and thinking of Sully who was only a couple of rooms away. The night after Anna died Sully had stayed with her, comforting her every time she woke up. After three years apart from each other, it felt so nice to be together again. No longer was her love poured out only on paper, directed to some intangible person far away. Now he was at her side and the longing to go to him even though the hour was late was hard to resist. Unfortunately, neither was alone destroying the possibility of a late night rendezvous. Robert was sharing Sully's room while Michaela had been saddled with Anne. Both had been sent to bed hours ago, but Anne was still wide awake moving all around in the bed making it impossible for Michaela to go to sleep.

"Anne, lay still!" Michaela exclaimed.

"I'm not used to sharing a bed with anyone," she complained.

"Neither am I but you have to stop moving all around."

1"Aunt Michaela do you have a beau?" Anne asked turning on her side to look into Michaela's face.

"No," Michaela said, frustration evident in her voice.

"Why not? Hasn't a boy ever called on you before?"

"Yes, a boy has called on me before. I really think you should be trying to go to sleep. It'll be a long day tomorrow."

Anne continued on as if Michaela had never said a word. "Aunt Maureen told Aunt Marjorie that she thinks you're a prude. What's a prude?"

"Someone overly concerned with propriety," Michaela answered feeling a surge of anger at her sisters.

"What does that mean?"

"Well... I think what your Aunt Maureen was trying to say is that I would be overly worried about being with a gentleman caller." She clenched her fists at her side vowing to speak with both of them first thing in the morning.

"Why? Cause he might kiss you?" Anne asked oblivious to Michaela's current anger.

"Anne, close your eyes and go to sleep!"

"Why don't you want a boy to kiss you? I want a boy to kiss me." She erupted in a fit of giggles.

"You're not old enough to go around kissing boys." Michaela sighed in frustration and turned on her side away from the young girl.

"I want Sully to kiss me," she admitted with more giggling.

"Don't you think Sully is a little old for you?"

"Aunt Marjorie said that you aren't a prude."

"Really?" Michaela asked turning back towards Anne.

"Umm-hmm, she said that if anything you were a little loose."

Michaela let out an angry breath and sat up in bed. "She said I was loose?"

"Yes. What does it mean that you are loose?"

"It means close your eyes and go to sleep!" Michaela exclaimed.

"What's loose about you Aunt Michaela?"

"Anne, I mean it - go to sleep right now or I am going to get your mother!"

"I think boys don't like you because you're always so crabby," Anne declared sticking her tongue out.

"That's it. I am going to get Rebecca!" With that Michaela got up, quickly crossed to the door and stepped into the hallway. Her heart was beating quickly within her as anger coursed through her veins. She had half a mind to knock on Marjorie's and Maureen's doors right that instant. A movement at the end of the hall caught her attention and she strained her eyes to see who it was.

"Michaela?" Sully whispered. "What are ya doing up?"

"Sully," she said feeling her anger recede as she moved towards him. "I had to get out of that room before I strangle Anne."

Sully laughed. "Come on, she isn't that bad." Michaela groaned. "Sh! Let's go downstairs." He grabbed her hand and began to pull her towards the stair case.

"But Anne's still awake," she protested.

"Only for a few minutes," he assured her. Michaela nodded and followed him down. Sully led her into the ballroom where the curtains had been pulled back from the windows in preparation for the wake which would be held here after the funeral. The moon shone in perfect rectangles along the wooden floor. Being there made Michaela feel like dancing and she almost suggested it to Sully. Yet when she looked up, he had already settled himself in one of the rectangles of moonlight near a window that looked out onto the porch.

"What are you doing up?" she asked joining him on the floor.

"Robert spilled his glass of water on the bed. I just finished bringing the wet sheets down here for Ida to launder tomorrow."

Michaela giggled. "Did you get wet?" she asked with a look of amusement on her face.

Sully nodded causing Michaela to break out in another round of laughter. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Seems we both are having roommate troubles."

"What did Anne do?"

"What didn't she do is the better question. Apparently she heard Maureen and Marjorie talking about me. Maureen called me a prude and Marjorie told her I wasn't a prude, I was loose. So Anne wanted to know what all that meant."

"Did ya tell her?"

"No, I didn't tell her. She's nine. Of course she also informed me that she wants to kiss you."

"Really?" Sully teased.

"Oh please," Michaela exclaimed feeling agitated again.

"Hey." Sully grabbed for her hand but she pulled it away. "So now you're gonna be angry at me for something someone else said?" he questioned feeling a little hurt at her rejection.

Michaela sighed. "No, I'm just angry that Maureen and Marjorie would talk about me like that."

Sully slid closer to her, slipping his arm around her back. Michaela did not move away this time but laid her head on his shoulder. "You're not a prude and you're not loose so why are ya lettin' them bother ya?"

"They don't have a right to talk about me like that," Michaela said turning away from Sully so that he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. "We better go back to bed," she whispered still not meeting Sully's gaze.

His hand came up to cup her cheek and he felt the moisture there. "Not yet," he whispered pulling her tightly against him as she began to cry in earnest. Whether she was crying because of her sister's comments or because of Anna's death she wasn't even sure right now. Most likely it was a combination of the two.

A noise from above startled them. Sully looked up and then back down at Michaela not wanting to leave her upset. "Why don't we go for a walk?" he suggested knowing it wouldn't be good for them to be found like this.

Michaela nodded even though she knew Anne was probably still awake and now prowling around the house looking for her. She didn't want to go back and face her just yet besides the fact that she didn't want to leave Sully at all. With their hands intertwined, they set off from the porch into the night. The moon was orange in the sky, hanging low over the water making it look as if the river was on fire. Lightening bugs could be seen in the trees as they walked along. A gentle breeze carrying the scent of the season's last honeysuckle whipped at Michaela's hair as they walked along.

"It's so nice and peaceful here. I know why Anna loved this place," Michaela remarked.

"Me too," Sully agreed. "I never thought I'd find another place like this but Colorado is very beautiful."

"That's what your letters always say."

"It's so wild and untamed. Different than this but beautiful."

"I'd like to see it someday," Michaela whispered as they stopped in front of the river.

"I'd like to take you there," Sully returned pulling her close so that he could kiss her. Michaela smiled up at him as he pulled back reveling in how close her body felt through her thin cotton nightgown. Sully's hands ran up and down her back as he held her close. The sheer fact that he wasn't feeling camisoles and corsets excited him even more. He gulped when Michaela placed a light kiss to his chest. She giggled and he looked down at her. "What?"

"You're wearing your pajama top," she said smiling. "I haven't seen you shirtless since…" Her voice trailed off as she blushed furiously realizing that right now she had a great desire to see him shirtless.

Sully laughed. "I still sleep without it," he whispered in her ear causing several different images to dance through her mind. They stood there holding tight to each other, knowing they needed to head back to the house but neither had the desire to do so. Sully pulled her hair back from the left side of her face and placed a light kiss to her earlobe. A shiver ran down Michaela's spine. "Are ya cold?" he asked feeling her tremble.

"No," she answered as she pulled back to look up into his face. "Still getting used to having you close and… to how much you've changed."

"I've changed?" he asked. "I hope it's a good change."

Michaela nodded a little too eagerly. "Very good," she added with enthusiasm.

Sully found the smile on her face quite intriguing and he dipped his head down to kiss her once again. "How have I changed?" he asked as he pulled back.

Michaela blushed and wrinkled her nose up. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I asked a simple question," he defended.

She brought her right hand around to settle on his chest. "Umm… well your hair is longer…"

"Is that all?"

"And you're taller." Sully raised his eyebrows at her, silently encouraging her to continue. "I don't know… you're just different but a good different."

Sully took a deep breath, the scent of her driving any thoughts of returning to the house from his mind. Quickly their lips found one another again. Sully's tongue danced across her upper lip as the usual panic rose in her chest. Michaela fought harder than usual against it but his lips were already moving along her jaw line by the time she was ready to reciprocate. She threw her head back as he started his descent down her neck moving lower and lower. A firm kiss to the area right above the top of her nightgown made her shiver in delight. Her mind screamed out the need to stop though her body refused to listen.

Sully pulled away, his heart racing within his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered taking the look of ecstasy on Michaela's face as something else.

"Don't be," she returned, her eyes remaining closed as she clung to him for fear her legs wouldn't support her. "I'm not a prude," she laughed finally looking up at him.

"I need to sit down for a minute," he said feeling just as weak in the knees. They both sank to the ground, neither willing to let go of the other. Michaela's ear was only inches from his mouth and he could not resist placing light kisses there. Yet again things began to escalate as his tongue tasted the delicate flesh below her ear. Michaela wanted him to kiss her mouth again, willing herself to be bolder than she had ever been before. Leaning back, she pulled him down to the ground with her. Sully's leg rested on top of hers while one of his hands cradled her head and the other played with the edge of her nightgown.

The feel of his tongue tasting the flesh of her neck made Michaela writhe against him, while her mind reminded her of the need to stop. Then Sully's hand was moving downward following a pleat in her nightgown until he brushed against her breast. Without thinking his fingers closed around it making Michaela tense. Sully quickly pulled away his breaths coming in short gasps.

He moved away from her and laid on his back staring up at the moon trying to catch his breath as his body calmed down. He hadn't meant to get so carried away especially with all the emotion of the past couple days. Sully beat his hand against the ground frustrated with himself for pushing her further than he ever had before. Turning to look at her, he was afraid of what he might find but to his surprise Michaela was smiling at him. Now he just felt confused.

"Maybe I am a prude," Michaela giggled.

"No," Sully said shaking his head. "Maybe I need to learn to control myself."

"Probably." Still she continued to smile at him. "Though it may help if I didn't send mixed signals."

"What do ya mean?"

"One minute I'm pulling you down on top of me and the next…" She stopped, her cheeks blushing furiously as she thought about Sully's hand against her breast.

"Maybe we shouldn't be alone in our nightclothes anymore."

Michaela laughed. "Maybe we shouldn't take moonlit walks down by the river anymore."

"Maybe ya shouldn't smile at me like that," Sully continued a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Maybe you shouldn't kiss me like that."

"Maybe I shouldn't kiss ya at all."

"Okay that might be going too far," Michaela returned her eyes wide in mock surprise

"I'm glad to hear ya say that," Sully returned standing and then offering her his hands. She accepted them and he pulled her up beside him. "Might wanna go in separately in case anyone's up."

"Good thinking," Michaela remarked as they walked back up towards the house each still lost in their own thoughts of what had just occurred.

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**September 6, 1852**

"I'm sorry that Anne was such a bother last night Michaela," Rebecca offered as they both helped Ida with breakfast in the kitchen.

"I probably overreacted," Michaela replied thinking about the night before. When she had returned to her room, it had been to find Rebecca comforting Anne who was crying because Michaela hadn't come back.

Rebecca placed her hand on Michaela's back. "I know Anna meant a lot to you. This time is going to be hard."

Michaela sniffed loudly already fighting back tears that had been close to the surface all morning. "Rebecca I think you should know that Anne overheard Marjorie and Maureen talking about me. She was asking me about it last night."

Rebecca furrowed her brow. "What did she overhear?"

"Maureen called me a prude and Marjorie disagreed with her and said I was loose. Anne asked what both of them meant."

"What did you tell her?" Rebecca asked, her face turning pink.

"I told her what a prude was but I didn't tell her what loose meant." Michaela watched Rebecca's reaction hoping her sister would be angry enough to confront her sisters so that Michaela wouldn't have to.

"If you'll both excuse me for a moment, I need to speak with my sisters," Rebecca said as she took off her apron and left the kitchen.

Ida looked over at Michaela with an amused expression. "Are ya gonna go watch?"

Michaela returned her smile. "No, we might hear it in a few minutes anyway."

"Hear what?" Sully asked as he strolled into the kitchen from the backyard carrying the milk pails inside.

"I told Rebecca what Anne overheard," she replied acting like it was no big deal.

"Do ya think Rebecca is going to let 'em have it?" Sully asked having seen Rebecca's propensity to keep the peace at all costs.

"Do you think she wants to explain to her nine year old daughter what a loose woman is?"

"Good point," Sully conceded. "Did ya sleep well last night?" He looked at her expectantly with a smug expression on his face.

"Yes, thank you. Did you sleep well last night?"

"I did have rather pleasant dreams," he returned causing Michaela to blush.

Ida looked up at the two of them and shook her head. "Hope y'all are behavin' yourselves. I know you done growed up but that don't mean ya forget to act like ya got some sense." Michaela dropped her head as Sully laughed.

Rebecca returned to the kitchen at that moment looking rather satisfied. Anne and Robert were trailing along behind her. "That's all taken care of," she said smiling over at Michaela.

"Thank you," Michaela returned as she went back to cracking eggs into the bowl.

"Robert, ya wanna come out to the barn and help me and John?" Sully asked.

Robert looked over at Rebecca. "Can I mama?"

"Of course you can but you need to listen to Sully and John."

"I will," he returned already heading towards the door.

"I want to go too," Anne called excitedly.

"No, Anne, you stay in here and help us," Rebecca said moving over to make room for her to stand between herself and Michaela.

"I want to go with Sully," Anne exclaimed stomping her foot down in a huff.

"Young lady do not speak to me like that!" Rebecca corrected her while Ida clicked her tongue. "Go on," Rebecca said to Sully and Robert waving them out of the kitchen.

"It's not fair that Robert gets to go," Anne continued to pout. "He gets to do everything with Sully."

"He's only going to the barn with him," Michaela pointed out.

"He also gets to share a room with him and I'm stuck with Aunt Michaela," Anne said.

"Anne Elizabeth," Rebecca shouted turning around to face her. "Your behavior is atrocious. You need to apologize to Michaela and then march your rear end upstairs and don't come down until you are called for breakfast."

"Sorry," she threw out in Michaela's direction before she fled from the room. Her voice was angry instead of repentant.

Rebecca looked at Michaela. "Sorry about that. I don't know what has gotten into her."

"Sully fever," Ida said laughing. "That girl gone plum crazy over that boy."

"I know," Rebecca sighed. "Much to her father's chagrin I 'm afraid. Last night he wanted to know why his daughter was suddenly boy crazy. Then he lectured Emily about staying away from boys."

"But Emily's only three," Michaela commented.

"She may be only three but she's already learned Sully's name and likes to copy her big sister in repeating it." All three woman burst into laughter. "And I must say he certainly has grown up since the last time we saw him," Rebecca added. Michaela blushed as she began to whip the eggs, clamping her mouth firmly shut. "He used to be kind of scrawny but oh… my… you definitely can't say that about him anymore. I bet he has his pick of young ladies out west."

Michaela scowled at her sister's statement. She had never considered the fact that Sully might know girl's out west. He never talked about any and Michaela's impression of the mining camp was that it was all male. Ida looked over at her and clicked her tongue. "What?" Michaela snapped.

"Nothin'. I didn't say nothin'," Ida returned a broad grin creeping across her face.

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The morning passed surprisingly quickly and before she knew it, Michaela found herself standing in front of the little church where Anna's service would be held. Besides Rebecca, her sisters were already grumbling about the little country church while Elizabeth had spent half the morning fuming because Josef hadn't insisted on a mass at a Catholic Church. Eventually Josef managed to make Elizabeth understand that Anna had never been a member of the Catholic Church. As a young girl her family had attended a Methodist church. When she married Josef's father, she attended the Catholic Church but was never confirmed as a member. In her later years, she had attended the Baptist church with John and Ida and that was where the service was to be held.

Everywhere Michaela looked it was a sea of black, making her feel even more melancholy if it was possible. She stood between Sully and Marjorie as they waited to enter the church. A carriage pulled up to the side catching her attention and she looked over just in time to see a fair haired girl emerge with Thomas' right behind her. Michaela poked Sully hard in the side and he turned in the direction she was looking.

"I'll keep an eye on him," Sully whispered trying to reassure Michaela.

She gave a quick nod of her head. "Is that Clara with him?" she asked.

"I suppose."

"Would the two of you stop whispering and pay attention," Marjorie scolded waving them on with her hand. "What's so interesting anyway?" She turned to see Thomas approaching the church and covered her mouth with her hand. "What is that horrible boy doing here?" she whispered turning back to Michaela and Sully.

"That was what we were discussing," Michaela returned feeling especially agitated with Marjorie. At the same moment another carriage pulled up and Michaela smiled. "Uncle Teddy's here. Father is going to be so happy."

Marjorie was still concerned about Thomas' presence though. "I hope he doesn't try anything."

"Don't worry, I'm watching him," Sully repeated for her benefit. Marjorie gave a slight nod of her head before pushing past them into the church to find Everett.

"I'm going to go say hello to Uncle Teddy," she said turning to Sully. "Will you save me a seat?"

"Michaela, I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not silly. I'll stay with Uncle Teddy until I get into the church."

"Promise," Sully said, the expression on his face one of concern.

"I promise." Sully gave a nod of his head and she ran off to greet her uncle. Inside Sully was still worried but he followed along with the group moving into the church. The church was already extremely full but pews had been reserved at the front for the family so there was still space for them to sit. He choose a seat beside Rebecca leaving enough space for Michaela as his eyes continued to comb the church for any sign of Thomas. He hadn't entered the building yet and that worried Sully.

"Where's Michaela?" Rebecca whispered leaning over to him.

"She went to greet your uncle."

"Uncle Teddy?" Sully nodded and turned back towards the door. Clara entered and sat with an older woman that Sully didn't recognize but still there was no sign of Thomas. Within a few minutes he caught a glimpse of Michaela's uncle but no Michaela. Immediately he panicked and started to rise. "Where are you going?" Rebecca asked giving him an odd look.

"To find Michaela," he whispered hastily as he moved out of the pew.

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	63. Chapter 63

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- three**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 6, 1852 **

Sully pushed past people as they continued to file into the church. "Excuse me, excuse me," he cried out his only focus on finding Michaela. For a moment he thought he caught a glimpse of her but with everyone in black it was hard to tell from this distance. Finally he made it to the church door, squinting his eyes against the sudden brightness he searched for any sign of her. The sky was darkening over toward the left and Sully knew that a storm was approaching. Still there was no sign of Michaela, just a few stragglers and a young couple hugging over near a carriage. Fear gripped his heart as he tried to decide in which direction to look first.

"Looks like another guy is making time with your girl."

Sully whirled around to find Thomas at his back with a smirk on his face. "What are ya talkin' about?"

Thomas nodded his head in the direction of the young couple that Sully had seen earlier. They were no longer hugging but walking towards the church. It was Michaela, her arm threaded through the arm of a young man who looked to be around her age. "She seems awful friendly with him."

"So?" Sully returned glaring at Thomas, already preparing himself for a fight.

"Come on now, you don't want to start a fight at your grandmother's funeral. Oh but I forgot she wasn't your grandmother, was she? How's it gonna feel when she gets all the money?" Thomas backed up a few paces as he spoke, conscious of Sully's clenched hands.

"If ya know what's best for ya, you'll shut your mouth!" Sully exclaimed louder than he meant to. Several people in the church turned around to look at the two young men.

"Sully," Michaela said laying a hand on his shoulder. "Now is not the time."

Sully nodded. "Ya okay?" he asked, looking suspiciously at the man behind her.

"I'm fine. Do we have seats?"

"Yeah, up by Rebecca," Sully replied absentmindedly wondering why Michaela didn't introduce the man.

"Oh I'm sorry," she said hastily. "Sully this is Carlton. Carlton, this is Sully."

"Nice to meet you, though I wish it was under better circumstances," Carlton said proffering his hand.

Sully shook his hand. "Nice to meet ya as well." Still he was wondering what connection he had with Michaela and why she had been hugging him.

"We better go in," Michaela interrupted taking Sully's hand and pulling him inside. Carlton followed them to the pew as the church was packed to the brim with many people standing. Sully felt like turning around and informing him this area was reserved for family only but Thomas' comments ran through his mind. He wasn't family either if the truth be told. Taking a deep breath, he settled beside Rebecca with Michaela and Carlton squeezing into the already tight space.

Michaela looked over at Sully reading the tenseness in his face and assuming it was because of Thomas. "Are you alright?" she whispered in his ear. Sully nodded as he noticed the way Carlton had stretched his arm out on the pew behind Michaela. Michaela patted his leg gently catching his attention. "I'm so glad you're here," she whispered which made Sully finally relax somewhat.

The service started shortly thereafter. Sully and Michaela felt at ease having attended here when visiting Anna in the summers. The pastor spoke eloquently of Anna and the black attendees were quite vocal in encouraging him. Michaela had started crying the minute the pastor had ascended to the pulpit. Yet now her tears came down harder as she looked around the church, wondering how many of these people owed her their freedom. She watched her sisters on the pew in front of her who cast disapproving glances around the room and felt anger. They had no idea about Anna – no concept of who she was as a person. She began to wish they had never come.

Carlton gently patted her back and she felt Sully tense beside her. Looking over at him, it occurred to her that Sully didn't know that Carlton was her cousin. His head was bent low as he too had been crying since the beginning but wasn't as willing to let anyone know that. At that moment, Michaela felt the need to be held by him and she wished that she could simply throw her arms around him and comfort him like she longed to be. The choir was singing now and she stared at the faces leaning into Sully more and more until her head was resting on his shoulder.

Sully could feel her tears soaking his shirt which in turn made him cry harder. Anna had died days ago but only today did it feel final – only today did he realize that he would never talk to her again. She had loved him just as he was. Her love had never been conditional. Raising his head, he looked over at Michaela taking her hand in his own. His eyes lit on Ida and John who were clinging to each other. Ida was sobbing loudly while John's face was dotted with tears which he didn't bother to wipe away.

It wasn't long before the service was over and they stood outside watching her casket be born to a wagon. She was going to be buried at home between her mother and father. Michaela clung to Sully afraid to watch as the pallbearers moved past her. She didn't care who was looking or wondering why she held so fast to Sully's hand or why her head was buried against him. Everything seemed as if she was living in a dream. A light mist had settled over the ground as the storm continued to approach adding to the dreamlike quality of all that was happening.

The ride in the carriage back to the house seemed to take forever but the time at the grave flew by. She couldn't bear to watch as people dropped in handfuls of dirt to cover the coffin and again she had buried her head on Sully's shoulder as she hid from the reality of the situation. And then it was all over. She was standing in the ballroom of the house helping her mother and father receive visitors for the wake. Anna was gone and there was nothing she could do to change that. The parade of people filing by seemed to be endless. Faces that she didn't know, expressing sympathy before moving on but Michaela wondered if they even understood half of what she felt inside. Thankfully, Rebecca joined them and relieved Michaela of her post.

Looking around the room, she spotted Sully standing some distance off with Clara beside him. On the other side of the room stood Carlton absentmindedly looking out the window so she walked over to him keeping her eyes on Sully and Clara the entire time.

"Carlton," she said as she approached.

"Mike," he returned smiling down at her.

"How long will the family be staying?"

"Just until the will is read. Anna's lawyer said it would be necessary for us to be present."

"I see," Michaela replied wondering if this was the only reason that Uncle Teddy had come.

"Mike, I know you were close to her but I have only seen her twice in my whole life that I can remember. For me it's very odd being here. You were so upset at the church and I felt … well…to be completely honest I felt nothing. I mean I felt sympathy for you and for the others who knew her but for myself I felt nothing."

Michaela shook her head. "I understand," she whispered.

"Could you sense that?" he asked suddenly causing Michaela to look up at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You pulled away from me during the service moving closer and closer to Sully. I was almost afraid that you were upset with me because I wasn't upset."

Michaela blushed not sure what to say. "No, nothing like that," she hastily replied hoping Carlton didn't continue to push her for information.

"He is your brother?" Carlton asked indicating Sully who still stood across the room. Michaela looked up and noticed how close Clara and Sully stood to each other. She watched as Clara placed her hand on Sully's arm. Sully took a step back but Clara moved close once again, too close for Michaela's liking. Though she knew the truth of the situation she couldn't help but think of the night many years ago when Clara had kissed him. Clara stepped away and Sully looked up catching her eye. "Mike?" Carlton said briefly interrupting her trance.

"Hmm."

"Sully's like your brother?"

"No," she whispered as she moved away from him across the room towards Sully, not noticing the strange expression on Carlton's face as she left him.

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While Michaela had been coerced into helping receive guests, Sully had retreated to the kitchen to help in whatever way he could. The Quinn sisters were also there finally doing some actual work. They soon shooed him away thinking it unfitting for a man to be helping them in the kitchen, when truth be known Sully had spent more time helping in the kitchen then the four of them combined. He wandered back into the ballroom unsure of what to do with himself. At the far end of the room stood the sister's husbands but he didn't feel like he could easily fit in with that group either. He spotted Carlton talking with Michaela's uncle but still he did not realize he was seeing father and son.

It was at that moment, that he heard a small voice near his ear and turned to find an extremely grown up Clara beside him. "Hello," she repeated again.

"Hello," Sully returned dropping his head to the floor.

"I was so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandmother," Clara said, her voice soft and gentle.

"Thank you," Sully returned shuffling his feet against the floor as he thought of a way to politely excuse himself.

"It seems funny seeing you after all this time," she continued, her lips curling into a delicate smile. "I guess we both grew up."

"Usually what happens," Sully replied nonchalantly.

Clara giggled holding her gloved hand over her mouth. "You're as funny as I remember," she remarked as Sully gave her an odd look. Her hand moved to cover her eye. "Oh," she exclaimed. "I think something just flew into my eye. Would you be a dear and tell me if you see anything?" she asked moving closer to him.

Sully didn't move but squinted his eyes to look into her right one. "I don't see anything," he said hastily taking a step away from her.

Clara leaned in and touched Sully's arm with her hand. "My, you are strong," she said squeezing his bicep. "Would you like to go riding with me tomorrow?" she asked looking at him seductively.

"I don't ride," he returned giving a little shake of his head but still not looking up from the floor.

"We could go for a walk instead. It might be nice to have some time alone," she whispered stepping in towards him once more.

Sully continued to back away. "I ain't really interested in bein' alone with ya Clara." Sully raised his head as he spoke, his eyes meeting Michaela's from across the room.

Clara followed his gaze and raised her eyebrows. "Thomas told me you wouldn't be interested." Again she stepped towards him pushing him almost against the wall. "But if you change your mind, you won't regret it." Clara raised her eyebrows and then blew him a kiss as she set off across the room.

Sully felt extremely relieved to be rid of her but now his thoughts turned to Michaela. He looked over towards her again only to discover that she was gone. Carlton still stood there talking once again with Michaela's uncle. The expression on her face when he had first seen her was slightly distressing and Sully felt the need to find her. He certainly didn't want her to have the wrong impression of his conversation with Clara and he was rather anxious to find out exactly who Carlton was to Michaela.

Unsure of where to begin looking for her, he strolled into the foyer catching a glimpse of black at the top of the stairs before it disappeared. There was a good chance it was Michaela and he hastily climbed the stairs to try and find her. Compared to the multitude of noise below, the upstairs was peaceful and serene. Occasionally a voice would drift up but for the most part the second floor seemed to be cut off from the chaos below. Sully started for Michaela's door but something stopped him. Whether he heard her muffled crying or whether he was answering some gut instinct, he wasn't exactly sure but suddenly he knew where she was. Two steps forward on the other side of the hall, he tapped lightly at Anna's bedroom door. He wasn't waiting to be invited in but simply letting her know that somebody was there.

Michaela heard the knock and looked up expectantly at the door, wishing now that she had locked it. The possibility that it was Sully ran through her mind but at that moment she wasn't sure she wanted to see even him. Since his arrival here, she had forgotten her loneliness of the past three years but somehow watching him talk to Clara had reminded her of it. She couldn't help but wonder if he had been lonely like she was, if there were other girls out west who were her replacements in some sense. Her mother and Ida had warned her about boys, reminding her that they sometimes had a hard time controlling themselves. After last night, she wondered if Sully had a hard time controlling himself when he was away from her. The thought of him with another girl made her feel sick.

Sully entered and closed the door behind him. "Michaela," he said his voice quivering slightly. "Are ya okay?"

"I'm fine," she returned, her voice betraying her own emotional state.

"Ya don't have to pretend Michaela. It's just me." A stifled sob escaped her mouth and Sully rapidly crossed to the window where she stood. He slowed as he approached reaching out for her but she did not open her arms up to him as usual. Awkwardly, he dropped his hands to his sides and let out a slow deep breath.

"What did Clara say to you?" she asked, her voice only a whisper.

Sully relaxed. If this was only about Clara, then he could quickly reassure her that he felt nothing for the girl. "She was expressing her sympathy for Anna's passing."

"Right," Michaela said somewhat sarcastically.

Sully laughed. "That's what I was thinking too." Michaela's face held no amusement though. Her eyes were trained on him, boring into him as if searching his heart for the truth.

"Why was she touching you?"

"She asked me to go riding with her," Sully admitted as Michaela grimaced. "I told her I don't ride."

"Is that all?"

Sully tried to think of a delicate way to say this next part. "She made it quite clear that she is more than willing to spend some time alone with me," Sully added as he stepped closer to Michaela.

"So she offered to…." Michaela's voice faded as the reality of what Clara had done settled in her mind.

"She did and I turned her down," Sully assured her reaching out for her once again. This time Michaela moved into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck burying her face against his chest. "Michaela," he began his voice cracking. "I love ya. I would never do anything to go against that."

She knew he was crying now and she looked up at him. "I believe you," she whispered raising one of her hands to wipe at his tears feeling sorry that she had led him to believe she doubted him. "I know that you love me but I was so lonely when we were apart. The minute you arrived, it was like your presence erased all the memories of crying myself to sleep."

Sully pulled away as her words seared his heart. With a staggering breath he moved towards the fireplace, his hands coming to rest on the mantle. "Why did I stay away for so long?" he asked speaking into the air. Michaela could hear the frustration and sadness in his voice and though she knew that they needed to talk about their time apart she felt bad for bringing it up. As if drawn to him, she quickly crossed the room wrapping her arms around his torso and pressing her cheek against his back. The feel of her hands upon his chest only made his emotions stronger and he covered his face with his hands as the tears fell harder. It took a few minutes for him to compose himself enough to ask the question that had been burning in his mind since they had left the church. "Who is he?" he whispered, being vague on purpose.

Michaela knew exactly who he was talking about and couldn't resist smiling, though she was glad Sully couldn't see the smile. "He's my cousin, my Uncle Teddy's son. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that earlier."

Still facing away from her Sully began to speak. "When I saw your uncle enter the church without ya, I panicked."

"I didn't mean to worry you. And I'm sorry I didn't explain who Carlton was." Michaela felt his hand cover hers that rested against his chest. "I love you," she whispered placing light kisses across his shoulder blades. As she felt him turning, she loosed her grip somewhat until he faced her fully and then she pressed herself against him once again.

"I reckon we got a lot of things we need to talk about. Probably both have questions and doubts runnin' through our minds."

Michaela nodded giving him a weak smile. "I think that would be a good idea," she agreed.

The door opened at that moment startling both of them. Michaela jumped back as Sully quickly let go of her ready to explain how he was simply trying to comfort a grieving Michaela. The first thing either of them saw was the shock of red as it stood out against the black. It was Marjorie.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" Michaela asked indignantly.

"Have you ever heard of discretion?" Marjorie returned. "I stood right in the foyer and watched as you came up here and then not one minute later Sully followed. Don't you think that's a little obvious?"

"We didn't plan some secret meeting. I was coming up here to be alone. Sully happened to be doing the same," Michaela defended as her face flashed with anger.

"It doesn't matter. Father wants to see you. He sent met to find you."

"Fine," Michaela said as she began to cross the room. "But let me get one more thing off my chest. I don't appreciate you telling people I'm loose!" Michaela exclaimed her cheeks flushing a brilliant shade of red.

"If the shoe fits," Marjorie returned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You need to watch yourself. I saw you and Sully sneaking out of the house last night. And then just now – you aren't very careful."

"This from the girl who snuck around for a month with a married man and got caught trying to seduce him." Michaela surprised herself at her boldness. Her hand flew to cover her mouth, her eyes wide in shock.

Marjorie raised a hand to slap her as a noise from the door caught everyone's attention. Marjorie's face went from bright red to a pale white in a matter of moments. In the doorway stood Everett, his face tightly drawn. Michaela could tell that he was angry and she instantly regretted what she had said. Everett turned and walked away as Marjorie flew out of the room after him.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

"I feel like we've known each other forever," she said as they rode out of town. "You are just so easy to talk too. Sully said we'd be instant best friends."

Michaela dropped her head, scowling over the last comment. Did Sully really think that she would be instant best friends with his this woman? Had she truly convinced him that she was no longer in love with him? Taking a deep breath, she looked up smiling over at Abigail trying desperately to think of something to say. "Do you mind living so far from town?"

"I wouldn't have minded being closer but Sully really wanted to live out here away from everyone. I do like it but I've lived in town my whole life. Oh well, just something else I will have to get used to after the wedding." Abigail pulled back on the reigns bringing the wagon to a halt. "This is the place we first met," she said. "He was walking to town from the mining camp and I was on horseback. Did you know he's afraid of horses?"

Michaela nodded. "Yes, he watched as his brother was drug to death by one."

Abigail frowned. Sully had never told her about his brother. There was no beating Michaela's knowledge of Sully. She knew all about him, every little thing. That's when it occurred to Abigail that she knew everything of Sully's past but she was totally ignorant of his present. A thought popped into her mind and though she knew it was wrong she couldn't resist showing Michaela up. "And over there," Abigail said pointing towards the trees. "Over there is a path that leads down to a stream. The place is simply beautiful especially at night with the stars twinkling through the trees. That's where Sully first made love to me."

Michaela could feel Abigail's eyes upon her and she tried her hardest to remain straight faced. She could feel the warmth creeping into her cheeks as her stomach lurched. What did Abigail expect her to say to that? If she knew about Sully and herself, then why was she telling her? Come to think of it, even if she didn't know why was she telling her?

"I'm sorry," Abigail giggled. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. I suppose it is rather shocking, the two of us being unmarried and all. I simply assumed that Sully had told you that I was pregnant."

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**Cambridge, Maryland – September 7, 1852**

The rest of the wake had passed fairly uneventfully, though Michaela couldn't help but keep an eye on Marjorie and Everett. Marjorie continued to weep off and on for the rest of the day and while those around thought it had to do with Anna's death, only Michaela and Sully knew the real reason. Later that night, she had heard their muffled shouts coming from the bedroom they were staying in.

That evening, she had looked forward to spending some time talking to Sully but with even more people in the house that had been out of the question. While the sheer number of people provided a chance to sneak off without being missed, it also meant that someone was almost always watching and usually it was Anne. That was okay she told herself. Today was the will reading and after that everyone would begin to make plans to return home. Michaela had already asked her father if she could stay on for a week or so and he had reluctantly agreed. She was missing school and her father thought it would be best if she returned as soon as possible but Michaela decided it would be easier on her to take the semester off. That would give her a chance to stay and help Ida with any final arrangements as well as giving her more time with Sully which she was looking forward to.

After lunch, she found herself seated in the library where a multitude of chairs had been set up for the will reading. Mr. Jacobs, Anna's lawyer from Boston, sat behind the desk with papers spread before him. Sully sat beside Michaela holding a sleepy Emily on his lap. Anne sat on the other side of him, glaring at Emily, jealous of the attention the little girl was getting from Sully.

The will reading began but Michaela's mind was a million miles away as she watched Emily fall asleep in Sully's arms. Her little chubby face was pressed into his shoulder. Her hair fell in ringlets around her face and Michaela couldn't help to think she looked almost angelic. It didn't help that Anne was sitting right there and Michaela was having fun imagining her as the devil. Her eyes wandered up to Sully 's face and she smiled to herself watching how tenderly he cradled Emily against himself as he gently patted her back as encouragement to go to sleep. Someday he would be a father – the father of their children. That thought alone made goose bumps stand up on her arm.

Mr. Jacobs managed to gain her attention with the use of the word grandchildren and she looked up just in time to hear him say. "…will be left the sum of one thousand dollars. Those who are not yet of age will have the money placed in trust for them with their parents acting as the executer of the trust. This includes Sully who I have always regarded as my grandson." Michaela looked over at him to see a tear slip out of his eye which he hastily wiped. She smiled to herself, happy that Sully had received something just as she had.

"We come now to the bulk of my estate including my house and other adjacent properties that I own, my stocks and other invested monies and essentially anything that has yet to be divided in any other way. This I leave to my granddaughter Michaela Anne Quinn." The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Sully looked over at Michaela to gauge her reaction but her face was contorted in confusion.

"Me," she whispered pointing to herself. "She left it all to me," she repeated.

Now a few murmurs could be heard among the occupants of the room, their noise rising louder and louder until the sounds were more intelligible.

"This is preposterous," Teddy shouted getting to his feet. "She can't inherit – she's a girl."

Michaela felt anger burn within her chest and she turned to look at her uncle with disdain.

Mr. Jacobs spoke up. "I assure you everything is in order for Miss Quinn to inherit the estate."

"But we're her sons," he returned pointing to himself than Josef.

"That doesn't matter," Mr. Jacobs informed him. "It was her money. She left it to who she wished."

"I challenge the will then," Teddy said raising his hand high in the air. The voices around her rose in volume, as they pounded in her head. Little snippets reached her ears and she realized many people were agreeing with Teddy.

A voice came from the back and she instantly turned recognizing the speaker as John. "Excuse me," he called out among the confusion of voices and slowly everyone quieted as they turned to observe him. "I done lived with Miss Anna everyday for most of her life. I been around for these last years and I can attest to the fact that she was of sound mind when she had that will drawn up. She knew what she was doin' alright. She wanted Miss Michaela to have that money and it gonna be a shame if ya decide to fight over it. Ain't like any of y'all are lackin'."

Michaela was grateful for John's words but she could tell from the look on her Uncle Teddy's face that he was not going to let the matter drop so easily. Looking around the room she saw other doubtful expressions on the faces of many. More murmurs were exchanged and eyebrows raised as they communicated silently with one another.

"I understand that you helped take care of my mother in her last days, sir. For that I'm grateful but to say that my mother was in a sound state of mind… I don't think that has been the case since my father died and she moved back to this god forsaken place."

Michaela's chest heaved up and down as anger continued to rise within her. She felt Sully's hand squeeze her shoulder and she turned to look at him needing to feel his support at that moment. He was there beside her, encouraging her to be strong yet there was something that played across his face. It was different than the other looks she was receiving but what exactly he was thinking she could not tell. Again he squeezed her shoulder, erasing any doubt Michaela had that he supported her.

The voices continued speaking around her as she stood and turned to face the majority of the individuals. She was fighting back tears but her determination not to cry was great. Taking a deep breath she began. "I don't want the money," she said her voice not as loud as she had intended. "I don't want the money," she repeated this time projecting more. Every eye in the room was on her now and she paused for a moment, continuing to collect her thoughts.

"I want Anna back. I don't care about her money – I never did. But I cared about her. I loved her with all my heart and I still can't believe she's gone. I don't care about the money but I also can't sit here and listen to all of you murmur about a person you didn't even know." The room was deathly quiet as she continued to speak. "She was born in this house. She was born in the bed she died in. Did you know that? Her mother died giving birth to her and her father refused to have anything to do with her for a whole year. He wouldn't hold her or look at her. Did you know that? In this very room she fell in love with my grandfather and she gave up everything she had known to marry him. Her whole life this place called to her but it wasn't until my grandfather died that she answered that call. You all make it seem as if she was some kind of hermit locked up here all alone. She wasn't. Didn't you see the people at her funeral? This house has been used to shelter runaway slaves. She's risked everything to help people. Did you know that?"

As she finished speaking, silence met her from all directions. Her eyes scanned the room daring anyone who might challenge her. Uncle Teddy opened his mouth like he might speak but then closed it again just as quickly. "I don't care about the money," she repeated again driving the point home. "But if Anna wanted me to have it, then I will take it and make her proud with the way I use it." With that Michaela turned and left the room, not giving anyone else the chance to speak. She stood in the foyer for a moment trying to decide which way to go and finally settled on the front door.

Walking across the lawn, she realized for the first time that she was walking on land that she owned. Now she turned and looked up at the house. This was hers too.

Again she turned looking left and then right, making herself dizzy as she admired what now belonged to her. Her eyes alighted on the big oak in the front yard and she ran toward it screaming out, "You're mine." When she reached the tree, she literally wrapped her arms around it as far as they would go, pressing her body close to it. A movement nearby caught her attention and she turned just in time to see Thomas step from the shadows.

"Yours?" he asked raising his eyebrows. Michaela took two steps backwards, readying herself to run if necessary. "I suppose that means the lawyer has read the will."

Michaela nodded but couldn't find her voice to speak.

"Let me be the first to congratulate you on your inheritance. And let me also give you a warning. Your grandmother had a lot of friends but she also made many enemies. If you are wise, you won't do the same."

Michaela realized he was trying to bully her and she wasn't about to stand for it. Momentarily forgetting his problem with anger, she spoke. "Are you threatening me?"

A smirk was on Thomas face as he considered her for a moment. "I'm not threatening you. I'm simply reminding you how easy accidents happen especially around the water." He moved a step closer to Michaela as he spoke. "She bought my father's land Michaela. She bought all of it and I want it back. Don't underestimate me – I will get it back." Movement on the porch caught his attention and he looked up to see Sully emerging from the house with Josef on his heels. Thomas began to back off from Michaela. "You be thinking about what I said. I'll be stopping back by."

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	64. Chapter 64

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- four**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 7, 1852 **

Mr. Jacobs stood outside on the porch, his satchel in hand. He had decided to return to Baltimore tonight and stay in a hotel so that he could take the first train out in the morning. There had been some discussion over who would take him back to Baltimore and he had escaped to the porch as the whole thing seemed rather an intimate discussion for someone who wasn't family. The will reading had gone poorly as he had expected it to. Countless times he had asked Anna to tell her sons about the will's provisions but she always seemed to tune him out. It was highly irregular for a grandchild, especially a granddaughter, to inherit but when the client was as wealthy as Anna, there was no questioning their decisions.

The screen door banged shut and he turned to see a young man emerge. He thought that this was Sully, the one who Anna considered a grandson even though he was of no relation. "Mr. Jacobs," he said, "I'll be takin' ya back to Baltimore."

"I am obliged," he replied tipping his hat to the young man.

"We can go on down and get settled. Josef is going to go with us as well. He'll be along in a few minutes." Mr. Jacobs nodded and then followed Sully down the lawn towards the docks. He had always wondered why Anna lived here instead of in Boston but looking around he was impressed with the beauty of the place. The house seemed as if it was made for the river and he couldn't imagine seeing that same house away from the water. He was a city man himself but he could see the charm that this place held. With one final look back, he turned and handed Sully his satchel before climbing onto the boat.

Sully busied himself preparing the sails while Mr. Jacobs settled in the stern. It wasn't long before he heard footsteps on the dock and both men turned expecting to see Josef, yet Michaela stood there instead. "Michaela?" Sully asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"I'm going," she said forcefully, climbing over the edge of the sailboat.

Sully glanced back nervously at Mr. Jacobs and then walked over to where she stood. "Michaela your father wants to talk to him alone. I told ya I'd be your ears. Don't ya trust me?"

"This isn't about trust Sully. This is mine," she said swinging her arm wide to indicate the property. "I'm not going to sit around while everyone talks about it without ever letting me in on the discussion."

Sully let out a deep sigh as he considered her for a moment. "I understand that. So much has happened in the past few days though, Michaela. Maybe it would be better if you stayed here and rested."

Michaela's eyes grew large at Sully's suggestion and anger flared up inside of her. "Yes, send the delicate girl upstairs to rest," she returned sarcastically.

Sully shook his head and loudly exhaled. "That ain't what I'm sayin'."

"Then what are you saying Sully? That I should let wiser heads deal with this or maybe I should leave the money talk up to the men?"

"I'm sayin' that I'm worried about ya!" he exclaimed much louder than he meant to. Mr. Jacobs looked up at them but quickly dropped his head when he realized that they were having a mild argument.

Michaela crossed her arms in front of her chest and watched his face for a moment. The fact that he was worried about her was heart warming but she was still determined to go. "Thank you," she whispered softly, giving him a weak smile.

"Is that thank you for carin' and I think I'll listen to ya?" Sully asked hopefully, making Michaela smile broadly.

"It's thank you for caring enough to make a suggestion and for understanding when I don't take it," she returned giving him a wink.

"I already battled this one out with her on the porch," Josef called from the dock. Sully looked up meeting the older man's eyes. "You know Mike. When she gets something in her head, it's best to move out of her way."

Sully rolled his eyes. "Since you're comin' along, help me get the boat underway," he directed.

"Aye, Aye captain," she replied with a little salute to which Sully laughed. Soon they were underway with a wonderful wind puffing out the sail, making the trip up the river rather easy. Once Sully had things under control, Michaela moved back to sit with her father and Mr. Jacobs who were enjoying the view.

"It's lovely, isn't it?" she asked pulling the hair that had fallen back into place and securing it was a pin.

"Yes, it is. I can see why your grandmother loved it here."

Michaela nodded as a strange mixture of sadness and joy overcame her. She turned her head so that no one would see the tears that had welled up in her eyes at the thought of Anna. In her mind, she could imagine Anna seated exactly where she was sitting right now. For the first time since Anna died, it occurred to Michaela that she would never see her grandmother again. She felt her father take her hand in his own and give it a light squeeze. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she turned back towards the two men.

"No need to apologize," Mr. Jacobs said sympathetically. "Your grandmother loved you very much. I can imagine your loss feels very great." Michaela nodded as the first tear descended her cheek. Hastily she wiped it away swallowing the lump that was in her throat. "It seems I'm saying all the right things," Mr. Jacobs added seeing her tears.

"It's alright," Michaela assured him. "I have my ups and downs."

"Which is to be expected," Josef reminded her. She nodded at her father's words finally feeling as if she was in control of her emotions, at least for the moment.

"Will Uncle Teddy really challenge the will?" she asked suddenly cutting to the heart of the matter.

"He may but I've found that often in these cases, relatives just need time to calm down. Give him a few days to get over the initial shock and I think you'll see he has a whole different perspective on things. If he does press on with this, I am afraid there are some issues that may arise."

Michaela looked up at her father and then back at Mr. Jacobs. "Please tell me everything."

Mr. Jacobs nodded. "As you may or may not be aware, woman in Massachusetts have limited property rights."

"But the property is in Maryland," Michaela interrupted.

Mr. Jacobs smiled. "I am aware of that."

Michaela blushed and dropped her eyes. "Sorry," she mumbled before hesitantly looking up.

"Maryland is a little more favorable towards woman in regards to owning property. There is no law barring you from holding the property but if your uncle was to challenge the will a judge could decide in his favor. In your grandmother's case when her father died there were no other heirs. Yet there are several other heirs in this case and three of them are male."

"So a judge could take the property from me and give it to Uncle Teddy?"

"He would most likely divide it between your father and Theodore but yes he could do that."

Michaela snorted in disgust. "That isn't fair," she commented.

"I understand," Mr. Jacobs agreed. "There are measures we can take to prevent that from happening."

"Such as?" Josef asked.

"Well at the risk of being too intimate I need to ask a personal question." Michaela looked up at him and noticed a light blush had settled on his own cheeks and she couldn't help but smile wondering what in the world he was going to ask. "Are you engaged or planning on becoming engaged in the near future?"

Michaela took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "No," she whispered wondering if Sully could hear the conversation that was taking place.

"I only ask because my first suggestion would be to place the property in your husband's name. But since that isn't a possibility right now, then I suggest you place the property in trust to be administered by your father. That way you still have full access to the money but for legal purposes your father's name will be on the property and on the accounts. If it was to come up before a judge, he would simply think that Theodore was jealous of his brother."

Josef looked at Michaela not sure what to make of the scowl on her face. "It would still be yours as far as I was concerned, Mike," he assured her. "And if you marry, then we could change the arrangement."

Michaela heard the if and gave her father an odd look. "Yes, when I marry," she repeated purposefully changing the if to when. "Could you take care of the arrangements, Mr. Jacobs?"

"Of course. My firm is prepared to handle everything as we always have for Anna."

"I appreciate that," Michaela said gratefully.

**--------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Colorado Springs, 1865**

_Dear Dr. Quinn,_

_We received your request to wire the money in your account to the Bank of Denver. Once your father signs off on the request, we would be more than happy to complete this task. As guardian of the trust, we cannot transfer the monies without his approval. If you have any further questions, please contact us._

_Sincerely,_

_Bank of Greater Boston_

Michaela read the letter over again to herself, knowing exactly what this meant. Her father had refused to sign off on the transfer. What was she going to do? She needed that money to buy the boarding house. It was the perfect place for her clinic and she knew the bank in Denver would never agree to give her a loan. Panic crept into her chest but she fought against it. She hadn't heard from her father yet. True he was not pleased with her decision to come west but maybe when he understood what the money was for, maybe then he would agree to sign for it.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 10, 1852**

The funeral was over, the will had been read and now it was time for the world to begin again. Truly it had never stopped but for a few brief days, Michaela had felt as if it had. She had forgotten that college had started without her and it had only occurred to her last night that she would have to take this semester off. That wasn't something she wanted to do but she had already missed over two weeks of classes and she needed to stay in Cambridge to finalize arrangements with the property. Mr. Jacobs had wired to say that the materials were on their way. He had left the estate papers for her to look over but she hadn't had a chance yet. Once everyone was gone, she would do that. Uncle Teddy had left the day after the will reading and though he had been civil at their parting, she still worried there might be trouble later on. Carlton left as well as he needed to get back to school.

The rest of the family was set to leave any minute. She stood on the dock with Sully who was once again holding Emily. Michaela had christened her Anne junior as she seemed to be every bit as Sully crazy. Somehow it was endearing from a three year old whereas it was plain annoying from a nine year old. Anne was there as well trying to make Sully promise to come to Boston at Christmas. Michaela had not dissuaded Anne in her pursuits as she secretly hoped that he would come for Christmas.

"Anne, Emily, tell Aunt Michaela and Sully good-bye," Rebecca said stepping over to the small group.

"Sully come to Boston with us mama?" Emily asked.

"No sweet girl," Sully answered preparing to put her down. "Remember I told ya this morning that I'm gonna stay here with your Aunt Michaela."

"Then come to Boston?"

"Are you going to come to Boston when Michaela does?" Anne asked jumping into the conversation.

Sully laughed. "I don't know. I have to go back to Colorado eventually. They're gonna wonder what happened to me."

"Okay girls, that's enough," Rebecca gently guided them. "Let's say our goodbyes."

"Bye-Bye Sully," Emily said wrapping her arms around his neck one last time before he put her down. Quickly she crossed to Michaela who stopped down to her level.

"Good-bye Emily," she said sweetly.

"Bye, Mike," she returned showing a toothy grin before she gave Michaela a hug as well.

"Emily," Rebecca gently scolded. "You forgot to say Aunt."

"But Granda calls her Mike. I wanna call her Mike too." She pouted her bottom lip out as if she might cry.

"Let's hope this one takes a nap on the way there," Rebecca said quickly scooping the girl up in her arms.

Anne took a running start at Sully, grabbing him around the waist and knocking him back a couple of steps. "Careful Anne. You're gonna knock me off the dock," Sully laughed.

"Please come to Boston soon," she pleaded holding onto his waist. "Don't stay away so long again."

Sully looked over at Michaela. "I promise not to stay away so long," he said but Michaela knew he was talking to her rather than Anne. Anne finally let go of Sully and started for the boat.

Rebecca stopped her. "Did you forget something?"

Anne made a face but turned around and hugged Michaela. "Bye," she said half-heartedly.

"Good-bye Anne," Michaela said patting her lightly on the back before the young girl pulled away and headed for the boat once again.

As Rebecca stepped over to hug Sully, Michaela saw Marjorie and Everett approaching. Hastily she made her way over to Marjorie pulling her aside as Everett continued on. "Marjorie, I need to apologize for what I said the day of the wake. I never meant for Everett to hear that."

Marjorie sighed. "If you're apologizing because you're worried I'm going to rat you and Sully out, then save your breath."

Michaela frowned at her. "I was apologizing because I shouldn't have said that," she returned indignantly.

Marjorie raised her eyebrows. "This is a first. Michaela Quinn admitting that she did something wrong. I need to mark this day down on my calendar."

"I admit it when I'm wrong. I'm just not wrong that much," she teased.

"Oh don't we all know that," Marjorie retorted.

Michaela grimaced and moved closer to Marjorie. "You aren't going to tell mother and father?" she whispered.

"Geez Michaela. No, I'm not going to tell them. I decided if they haven't figured it out by now then they must be blind. Besides I told Sully I wouldn't tell a long time ago. I don't plan on going back on my word. Be thankful, I like one of you."

"Everett isn't mad at you, is he?" Michaela couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know. He'll get over it eventually. I figure it's hard to stay mad at the mother of your children."

"Are you…" Michaela started to ask looking down at Marjorie's abdomen.

"I have a doctor's appointment when I go back to confirm but I think I am." Marjorie smiled. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe because I know you aren't going back to Boston. No one knows yet and I want to keep it that way until I'm sure."

"Alright… I mean Congratulations," she whispered moving in to hug her sister. It felt weird hugging Marjorie as they were usually at odds with one another. Still for the first time in as long as she could remember, Michaela felt that the relationship with her sister was healthier than it had ever been.

Michaela turned now to hug Rebecca and tell her good-bye. Maureen and Claudette arrived on the dock next with husbands and children in tow. More goodbyes were exchanged as they hastily boarded the boat. Josef and Elizabeth were the final two standing on the end of the dock talking to Ida. As soon as he saw that Sully was free, Josef made a beeline for him.

"I'm so relieved that you agreed to stay here with Michaela. After Thomas' threats the other day, I have to admit I didn't want to leave her alone. I know between you and John though that you won't let anything happen."

"That I can promise ya," said Sully moving in to hug Josef.

"Will you be coming back to Boston with Michaela?" Josef asked and Sully saw the longing in his eye.

"Probably not," Sully replied honestly. "But I ain't gonna stay away so long again. I hope to come within the next six months at the longest."

Josef smiled. "Now that is what I wanted to hear. I mean it Sully – don't be such a stranger." Again, they hugged as Elizabeth approached the two of them with a confused look on her face.

"Josef, isn't Sully going with us?" she asked watching as the two men broke apart.

"He's staying here to help Michaela get things settled and to watch out for her. Then he's going to head back to Colorado when Michaela heads back to Boston." Josef spoke quickly, hoping that Elizabeth would get lost in the details but of course she didn't. He had purposefully not told her that Sully was staying on. While Sully's presence gave Josef peace of mind, it made Elizabeth nervous.

Leaning over to hug Sully, she reminded herself to readdress this subject with Josef later on. Yet for now there was nothing she could do but say good bye. Even if she didn't like the situation, she would have to accept it and move on.

Final goodbyes were said and Michaela stood with Ida and Sully watching as John guided the sailboat out into the river. The families sat scattered all over the boat, waving back at the group on the dock. "I am so glad they are finally gone!" Michaela exclaimed as the boat sailed out of view. "I couldn't take another minute of Anne."

Ida laughed. "I think the feeling is mutual on Anne's part." Michaela nodded and took Sully's hand in her own as they started back up toward the house.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Slowly he walked down the front lawn moving ever closer to the bump on the pier that he knew was Michaela. Already he could hear her muffled sobs and his heart felt like it was breaking. He stood for at least five minutes on the end of the pier wondering if the time to go to her was now or if she just needed to be left alone. Grief weighed heavy on his own heart as well. Anna was gone- really gone. Looking up into the sky he let his eyes take in the incredible beauty of the stars as the tears began to fall down his face once again.

"Sully," he thought he heard Michaela whisper but when he looked at her she had neither raised her head nor had the sobs stopped. But as he continued to watch her, he heard her whisper his name again and he knew that her heart was calling for him. Quickly now he made his way towards her, sitting down behind her and drawing his arms around her. Michaela slid back against him still curled into a ball but taking great comfort in his presence.

Sully simply held her for a long time knowing she needed that more than words. After a while her cries ceased and she raised her head a little. "Sully do you still love me?" she asked surprising Sully.

"I told you a long time ago I would always love you," he returned.

"We were just kids then," Michaela said.

"We're not kids anymore and I'm telling you my feelings for you have never changed."

"Remember that night we went swimming and Father almost caught us," she said as a small laugh escaped her lips.

"How could I forget?"

"Let's go swimming," Michaela said looking up at him expectantly.

"Right now?"

"Yes."

"But Michaela…" Sully began but Michaela cut him off.

"I'm tired of being sad Sully. I want to be happy for a little while."

Sully knew this feeling for it swelled up inside of him as well. Slowly they walked around to where the river jutted inland. Sully removed his shirt but left on his pants. Michaela removed her skirt leaving only her shirt and bloomers. Turning to her, Sully took her hand and they made their way into the cool water. As if reliving that magic night from long ago, Sully dipped under the water coming up close to Michaela and soaking her in the process.

"Sully," she cried. "You don't have to act like a child." He laughed and dipped back under the water.

"Come on," he called to her as he swam out further. Slowly Michaela brought the rest of her body under the water getting used to the temperature. She felt the freedom from that night long ago and quickly dove under the water following Sully's direction. Silently she came up out of the water as she made out Sully's form in front of her. He had his back to her and she quickly came up behind him, taking him by surprise as she dunked him into the river.

Sully came up spluttering and grabbing wildly for Michaela but she had already made a hasty retreat. Sully swam after her but Michaela made for the shore, running up onto the bank before slipping in the grass and falling to the ground.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked as he now stood over her.

"Yes, I'm fine. Join me," she invited patting the ground beside her.

Sully sat down beside Michaela who remained splayed out on her stomach her head resting on her arms. He lay back in the grass looking up at the night sky.

"I watch these stars every night and think about ya," he admitted.

"You do?" Michaela asked.

"Ya get my letters, don't ya?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you doubt my feelings?" he said in a gentle non-accusing manner.

"I guess I worry sometimes."

"You worry? Not the Michaela I know," he teased and they both laughed.

A silence settled between them after their laughter quieted. Sully looked back up at the sky while Michaela watched his chest gently rise and fall. Giving in to her desire, she placed her hand on his chest allowing her hand to move with each of his breaths. Sully turned his head and smiled at Michaela as she renewed their physical connection. How long had it been since he had kissed her? Too long he thought. He turned on his side propping his head up with his elbow. Michaela mirrored his movement turning on her side as well. With his free hand, Sully gently stroked the length of her arm.

Within moments, the distance between them was closing and Sully lightly placed a kiss to her lips.

"This is private property," a voice spoke out of the darkness. "Ya trespassin'," came the voice again as Sully heard the cocking of a rifle.

"John, it's me and Michaela," Sully said shaking his head and sitting up slowly.

"I'm sorry," John said lowering the rifle and stepping out from behind the trees. "I heard noises and I thought…" he stopped now as he stepped closer observing their wet clothes and hair. He shook his head and laughed.

"Ida and I were wondering about y'all," he said with a smile on his face. "Good to see ya haven't changed." Sully and Michaela smiled at each other. "Ain't no greater comfort than the arms of the one you love."

"You aren't going to turn us in?" Michaela teased.

"Reckon, ya two all grown up now," John said. "And I think I was interruptin' somethin' private so I'll just say good night."

"Good night," they both called as John turned and walked away.

Michaela reached over and took Sully's hand. "People love to interrupt us, don't they?"

"Yeah," Sully agreed squeezing her hand in his. "Guess we ought to be goin' in."

Michaela looked at him as she grew serious. "Sully, I love you and tonight if you asked me to…"

Sully knew what she was going to say. "Michaela, I wouldn't ask you to – not tonight – not like this. Neither one of us is thinking clearly."

Michaela smiled at him. "And that's how I know you love me," she whispered as she rose and started back to the house. Sully followed feeling slightly stunned by the proposal that Michaela had just made him. It only served to confirm what he already feared – Michaela was pushing her own limits because she wanted to please Sully. There was still so much unsaid between them. Tonight they had messed up again, turning to the physical side of their relationship before discussing the emotional part. Yet by the time they reached the porch, Sully vowed to himself not to kiss her again until they had talked.

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**September 11, 1852**

Michaela walked into the library and sat down behind the desk. She felt slightly giddy as she remembered that this was her library, her desk. Just being here, she felt Anna's presence and it made her happy and sad all at the same time. Sully had wanted to talk to her this morning – he had said it was important but Michaela had put him off until after she had read the estate papers that Mr. Jacobs had left for her. She knew the house was hers but beyond that she hadn't seen the itemized list of the property she now owned or the accounts that Mr. Jacobs had spoken of.

The packet loomed in front of her but she couldn't quite bring herself to open it. Lightly she stroked the desk as she traced the wood grain. She laughed out loud at how important she felt sitting here in the big chair as she had fondly dubbed it. Turning in the chair, she perused the books seeing a few of her favorites. Even in books, Anna and she had similar tastes. Again she turned back towards the desk and rested her hand on the envelope. Using her pointer finger, she traced her name on the front wondering why she didn't simply open it and stop the suspense.

Carefully she slipped her finger under the glued edge and ran it the length of the envelope. The first paper detailed the accounts that Anna held including stocks and bonds. A low long whistle escaped her mouth as she began to add up the accounts. She was wealthy – very wealthy. Turning the paper over onto the desk, she looked at the next one. This one detailed the property she now owned. Her eyes scanned the page and she had a hard time believing what she was seeing. Suddenly she felt dizzy and quickly moved towards the door hoping some fresh air might help. Yet she didn't stop on the porch but continued on past the lawn and down to the dock.

Michaela sat on the end of the dock her head still spinning. She still couldn't believe it. Anna had left her practically everything and that everything included the Brooks' estate. Why had Anna never told her that she had bought them out? That must have been why they freed their slaves. Thomas had tried to convince her just a couple of days ago while Anna lay dying that his father had a change of mind about slavery. Michaela chided herself for not seeing through that one. Now Michaela knew that is was Anna who had forced his hand. She laughed to herself thinking about her grandmother. The sadness of her death still hung over her but the past few days had allowed her to remember all the good times spent here with her. Sully had been instrumental in that and she looked up at the house wondering where he was.

Someone was coming down the dock but it wasn't who she expected. Thomas walked towards her and Michaela immediately felt uneasy. She stood as he approached trying to look around him for any sign of Sully. "Afternoon Michaela," he greeted her.

"Thomas," she returned her voice strained.

"I wanted to come by and see how you were holding up."

"Thank you. I'm doing okay." Her words were short and curt.

"Rumor has it that Anna left you everything." His voice was warm but his eyes cold and calculating. Michaela grimaced. Thomas obviously already knew this, why was he acting like he didn't.

"I was named her heir," Michaela answered warily, wondering where this was heading.

"Did you inherit our estate?" he asked coming right to the point.

"Yes."

"Then I am here to offer to buy it back," he said plainly.

"It's not for sale."

"You may want to rethink that," Thomas said moving closer to her. "I meant what I said the other day - I can make things fairly difficult for you."

"Are you threatening me?" Michaela asked as fear started to wash over her. She tried to sound confident but knew she was failing miserably.

"I prefer to think of it as advising you," he said again taking a step towards her.

"I don't think she needs any advice," called Sully's voice from the end of the dock.

Thomas turned to look in his direction. "And I don't need your advice," Thomas replied rather sure of himself.

Sully made his way down the dock his eyes never leaving Thomas. "I think it would be best if you left now."

"If Michaela would like for me to go then I will." He turned to look at her. "Michaela?"

"Please leave," she said her voice quivering with fear.

"Fine I'll go but you may want to rethink my offer," he said brushing past Sully and heading back down the dock. As soon as he was out of sight, Michaela ran to Sully. He opened his arms to her and wrapped them securely around her waist.

"I was so scared," she admitted.

"I know," soothed Sully. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner but don't worry. I won't let anything happen to ya."

Michaela relaxed against him as the warm cocoon of his arms made her feel safe. She marveled at the way Sully had grown from a lanky boy into a man in a few short years. His chest was broad and she could feel the rippling muscles beneath his shirt. Gently she ran her hands over his chest and up to encircle his neck. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Ya don't have to thank me. I love you Michaela and I would give my own life for you." His words touched her soul and she melted against him wishing she could remain in his arms forever. "And that's why we need to talk," he added resisting the urge to kiss her then and there.

Michaela smiled up at him and nodded. "Let's go sit in the big oak," she suggested.

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	65. Chapter 65

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- five**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 11, 1852 **

He held her hand as they walked up the lawn towards the looming oak. With each step, Sully found that he was growing more and more nervous. He knew that emotionally Michaela was still very raw and he wondered if now was the right time to sort through everything. On the other hand, he knew that if they waited it would only make things more complicated. Yet part of the problem was knowing what to address first. He wanted to talk about their relationship but also about Michaela's new intense fear of Thomas. It wasn't that she didn't have a reason to be afraid of him but it worried him that now it was so evident. One more step and they were standing in front of the tree, neither making a move.

Michaela could sense that Sully was nervous about something and she didn't quite understand why. He had said he needed to talk to her. At first she hadn't thought much about it but now standing beside him, she could feel how sweaty his palm was and knew that meant he was nervous. A knot formed in her stomach as she anxiously glanced over at him. A strange thought popped into her head. He's going to ask me to marry him she thought. Yet she immediately shook her head dismissing the notion. Why this idea even occurred to her was perplexing. She could not deny though the feelings of joy that had flooded her momentarily and she dropped her eyes as he turned to look at her afraid he might guess what she had been thinking.

"Ya need a boost?" he simply asked.

"Sure," she replied. Quickly he squatted down, interlacing his fingers together and holding them out to her. Nimbly she placed her foot in his hands and felt herself being hoisted up in the air as she grabbed for the branch and swung herself up. Sully turned away knowing that there would a few moments when her dress was in disarray and her petticoats would be showing. "Sully?" she asked noticing his turned back. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah, just givin' ya a few minutes to get straightened out."

Michaela laughed at his comment. "That's sweet but you've seen me take my skirt off before. I don't think it will hurt anything if you see my petticoats."

Sully ran his hand over his mouth as he turned around. "I know but… well… I think we need to talk about that." Michaela frowned at Sully's statement, her face etched with confusion. She scooted down on the branch while Sully pulled himself up beside her. Again she could tell he was nervous. "I don't know what ya think I expect," Sully began not daring to meet Michaela's eyes. "But, well… I don't expect anything."

Michaela was still confused. "Expect?" she asked reaching her hand over to touch his leg.

"Last night when you said…" Sully's voice drifted off not sure how to explain the situation. "I just want ya to know that I ain't expecting anything of ya."

Michaela narrowed her eyes and let out a deep breath. She felt a weight lift off of her heart while at the same time her stomach tightened. The silence felt deafening to both of them but neither knew what to say next. Finally, Sully looked over at her rather tentatively. "Thank you," she whispered moving her hand from his leg. Her recent thoughts about Clara and him crossed her mind quickly followed by images of him kissing a series of other girls.

Sully saw the pained look on her face and instantly felt bad for insisting they talk now. "What is it?" he asked tenderly reaching for the hand she had just removed.

"I'm afraid I might lose you," she replied her voice barely audible.

"You aren't gonna lose me," he assured her with a light squeeze of her hand but she remained despondent. He brought his other hand up to lightly caress her cheek. "What else?"

She looked up at him now wondering if she had the courage to say all that was worrying her. "I was wondering…" she began but then her voice faded out.

"What?" he asked, followed by another light stroke of her cheek.

"Are there girls out west?"

"Yeah," he answered not picking up on her meaning. "Don't really see many girls at the mining camp but in the towns." He assumed she was again thinking about going west with him.

Michaela was concentrating on the first part of his sentence though. "So there are some girls at the mining camps?"

"Just saloon girls. They come out every so often to do business." Sully noticed how large her eyes had become and he could see the doubts written on her face. "Michaela if you're wonderin' about me, I'd never be with one of 'em."

Michaela nodded and gave him a weak smile. "The other day when Clara propositioned you…"

Sully cut her off by placing his finger against her lips. Slowly he raised her hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on the knuckle. "I know that I stayed away for too long but I don't want ya to think ya got anything to worry about." he said as their eyes locked. "I certainly have thoughts about things… about well ya know…" His cheeks blushed heavily as he admitted this. "But it's always ya that I'm thinkin' about. And me thinkin' about it, doesn't mean that I expect it. All it means is that I Iove ya and that I'm lookin' forward to when we're married."

The word married made her jump and she quickly grabbed for the branch to steady herself with her free hand. Sully took hold of her arm so that she wouldn't fall. Her cheeks turned a brilliant shade of red with the embarrassment of the situation. "Sorry," she whispered turning to look up at him.

"I didn't mean to startle ya." Sully felt his nerves return twofold as his heart beat out a strong and fast rhythm within his chest. He had no clue what to make of her reaction and that worried him greatly. Michaela had dropped her head again but he could see enough of her face to know that her eyes were closed and her cheeks heavily blushed. "I guess things haven't really changed in my mind but maybe they have in yours?" Sully said uneasily as he unconsciously loosened his grip on her hand.

Michaela heard the quiver in his voice and she felt him physically pull back. "No," she hastily answered. "It's just that … when we used to say we would get married it seemed so distant. We weren't really at an age where it could even happen but now…"

"I know," Sully said feeling relieved. "Things are different now."

Michaela lifted her head and smiled at him filling Sully's heart with a sweet joy. "Things are different now," she agreed. "When I inherited Anna's estate, I didn't have any idea what it was worth. I mean I realized the house and land but Sully it's a lot of money." He nodded his head but didn't meet her eyes. "And now it's mine. I feel independent for the first time in my life. I don't need my mother and father to pay for my school. Do you know what that means for us?"

Sully could hear the excitement in her voice and he swallowed hard knowing already what she was about to suggest. "What?" he whispered.

"You don't have to go back to working in the mines. We have more than we will ever need." Slowly she brought her hand up to his cheek. "There is nothing to stop us from being together," she whispered.

Raising his head, he saw the look on her face and his heart dropped. How could he make her understand what he was feeling? "Michaela, it's your money."

His countenance had fallen and her stomach clenched now with a new fear. "When we get married, it will be your money," she said trying to sound playful.

"That ain't right," he whispered. "It's your money."

"It might not be right but that is what the law says," she sighed. "Besides what does it matter? Really it will be our money." Sully remained quiet and so she continued. "It's funny to think about it. When the will was first read, I didn't want this. I wanted to give it back. But then when I considered that this," she paused and looked out at the river and then back up at the house. "All this is mine. I remembered how much Anna loved it and knew she had given it to me because I love it too. Then I started thinking about how the money would keep us from being separated again. It really isn't a bad thing, is it?"

Sully took a deep breath. "Michaela, I can't live on your money."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that ya inheriting this estate don't change my plans. I still need to show your parents that I can take care of ya. Ya think they gonna be impressed with me livin' off of the money Anna left ya?"

"I don't care what they think," Michaela said her voice rather sharp.

"I couldn't live like that Michaela," he continued. "A man is supposed to take care of his family."

"Yes a man is supposed to take care of his family but that doesn't just mean money. Who cares where the money came from as long as we have it?"

"It matters to me where the money came from!" he exclaimed feeling his anger begin to rise.

Michaela grabbed the branch and swung herself down as her own anger grew stronger. Sully followed her. "So what you're saying is that you would rather go away from me just to prove you can provide for me?"

"No, what I'm sayin' is I gotta earn my own way in this world and I ain't livin' off some girl's money."

"Oh, so now I'm some girl," Michaela screamed, her voice piercing the air.

Sully snorted. Things were not going well but he couldn't seem to stem the tide of emotions rising up within him. "You're not some girl. That's not what I'm sayin'. But ya gotta understand that I have to do this."

"I don't have to understand anything, Sully. You are being ridiculous," she said in a huff.

"We've been apart for three years because you said that was what we needed to do. I'm tired of that Sully. I'm tired of being lonely and sitting around waiting for you to come home."

"Boston ain't my home," he shot back.

"You know what I mean," Michaela said giving a shake of her head.

"You don't think that I wasn't lonely too?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to think. You were the one who stayed away. It wasn't like I could just hop on a train and come for a visit. It's not like Elizabeth was going to give me her blessing."

Sully knew she was right and he couldn't help but feel guilty once again for his long absence but at the same time his pride stopped him from being softened by her argument. "Stop actin' like you're the only one this was hard on."

"I'm not saying that Sully but I am saying that you had more control over this than I did!" Her eyes locked with his and he could see the anger flashing there. She was right and he knew it but still could not bring himself to admit it. "If you really felt that bad about being away from me, why would you do it again?" she asked, her voice some strange mixture of emotion.

Sully turned his back on her and walked a few steps away. She could see his shoulders heaving with the intensity of the situation and part of her wanted to go to him. The other part wanted to slap some sense into him. Slowly, he turned to face her. "What do ya want me to do Michaela? Come back to Boston with ya? Tag along until ya finish college and then medical school?"

Michaela frowned. The truth was she hadn't really thought about what they were going to do. The only thing she had considered was that Sully wouldn't have to go back to mining. "I don't know," she whispered as the dilemma settled upon her.

"Or do ya wanna give all that up? Wanna just get married right now?" His breathing was ragged and his jaw clenched.

The thought tore through Michaela stinging her emotionally. No she didn't want to give up medical school. How could Sully propose such a thing? Is that what he expected - her to give up her dreams once they were married? Tears began to fall from her eyes but they were not born of sorrow but of anger. "How could you even ask me that? I've always wanted to be a doctor! You know that!"

Sully nodded his head. "I ain't askin' that! I'm askin' that ya show me the same respect I'm showin' ya. I'd never ask ya to give up medical school for me."

"So I'm selfish? Is that what you're saying?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth," Sully exclaimed his frustration clearly evident.

"You know what Sully – if you want to go back west and do mining, that's fine with me. Go on! I don't need you anyway!" With that she turned and ran towards the house already regretting her words but unwilling to take them back. Sully stared after her shock on his face at her last statement. Angrily he kicked at some acorns on the ground and let out a deep breath. He knew she hadn't really meant what she had just said but it didn't lessen the pain that he now felt inside his chest. He loved her and he knew that she loved him but would that be enough for them to see this thing through.

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**Boston - September 15, 1852**

Josef sat in the waiting room, admiring the rich mahogany wood of the outer office. It made the room feel serene but at the same time warm and inviting. Slowly, he felt himself relax against the leather of the chair feeling almost giddy for being here without Elizabeth's knowledge. It really wasn't that big of a deal but he knew the change he was about to make would upset her and for some reason that made him happy. It wasn't that he liked to see her upset. Yet ever since Michaela had given her speech to the family at the will reading, he felt emboldened to go against the confines of the society in which he lived with its outdated Puritan ideas and practices. He longed to know the freedom that Anna had lived and claimed. In a sense, she had become his inspiration to live life on his own terms. Elizabeth was the antithesis of all that. She was Boston society on some level and so going against her meant going against Boston society. Never had he felt as free as he did at this moment.

"Dr. Quinn," the secretary called over to him as she exited the office door on the right. "Mr. Jacobson will see you know," she informed him, holding the door open so that he could enter.

"Thank you," Josef said giving her a brief smile before entering the office. The door clicked shut behind him.

Mr. Jacobson stood up from behind his desk and approached him. "Dr. Quinn," he said warmly. "I didn't expect to see you so soon after our last meeting. I have sent everything onto your daughter. I do hope there aren't any problems or concerns. I still have not heard back from your brother's attorneys."

"No, no, I'm not here to discuss my mother's estate but mine," Josef corrected him.

"Yours? Did you wish to make some changes?"

"I do. Now that I know Michaela will be provided for even if she never marries, I want to change who will inherit the majority of the estate."

"I understand." Mr. Jacobson opened his top drawer and pulled out some paper on which to make notations. He dipped his pen into the inkwell and looked up expectantly at Josef. "Which daughter did you wish to name as heir then?" he asked.

Josef shook his head. "Not one of my daughters. I wish to name Bryon Sully as my heir."

Mr. Jacobson's forehead creased with confusion. "My understanding was that you never adopted the boy."

"I didn't," Josef replied. "Is there some problem?"

"No," he said hastily. "But it is irregular to leave the family's estate to someone who isn't family."

"I understand," Josef returned. "But as my daughters will all be more than adequately provided for, I would like to do something with my money that will be helpful. Sully is the closest thing I ever had to a son and I would like for him to have the benefits of my estate."

Mr. Jacobson nodded as he began to write out the changes that were to be made to the will.

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**Cambridge, Maryland – September 17, 1852**

For six days the fight continued to rage. Several times they had each apologized to the other only to find themselves fighting again by the end of the conversation. It always came back to the same argument about the money. Sully's unwillingness to accept the new financial situation and insistence on returning to mining made Michaela question his commitment to her. Though still Michaela offered no real solution to what she expected Sully to do in the mean time. Both were tired of the arguments and more than once Sully and Michaela found themselves asking if this was the end of their relationship.

Each day started out with them being cordial to each other but usually that only lasted for a few hours. Something would set one of them off and then there would be a full scale argument. Most of the time the blow up was unrelated to the original argument but it always came back to that in the end. Sometimes these arguments would be followed by apologies which seemed to be forgotten a few hours later when they started fighting all over again.

The last fight had been particularly ugly. Michaela had once again told Sully to leave and that she didn't need him. Sully, who felt as if he had taken about all he could take, returned to his room and packed his bag. He could see no resolution and though his heart was breaking terribly, he had decided it was best for them to go their separate ways. Sitting down on the bed, he heard a gentle knock on the door and went to open it.

Michaela stood in the hall weeping uncontrollably. "I'm sorry," she choked out between sobs. Immediately Sully felt his resolve melt and he took her in his arms, pulling her inside the room. For awhile they simply stood in the middle of the rug with arms wrapped around each other, Michaela's head buried in the crook of his neck. He noticed as her breathing started to ease and her tears became less. Slowly she lifted her head, resting her chin against his shoulder as she peered across the room. Her whole body tensed and he tightened his hold on her wondering why she had gone rigid all of a sudden.

"Why's your traveling bag out?" she asked as if oblivious to the argument moments before.

Sully wasn't sure how to answer that and he took a minute to compose himself before speaking. "I didn't think ya wanted me here anymore," he whispered.

Michaela quickly withdrew from him. "You're leaving?" she asked.

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "No, maybe… I don't know. Do you want me to leave?"

"Do you want to leave?" she returned her voice cutting the air with its sharpness.

"Of course not," he replied.

She acted as if she hadn't heard him. Her face still damp from tears showed the pain that resonated in her chest making it hard to breathe. There was no more anger for her though, only a sad realization that they couldn't make it work. "If you want to go, go," she whispered.

"Michaela," he said clearly frustrated with her. "I don't want to go but…" He stopped talking when he realized she was no longer listening. He watched as she turned and left the room. Moving into the hall, he felt paralyzed as she walked away from him. His first thought was to go to her and make her talk to him. Yet he knew they both needed a little time before either of them would be rational. Returning to his room, he unpacked the bag, scolding himself for packing it in the first place.

Neither got very much sleep that night and Sully left the house early the next morning. He had told John that he would go out on the boat with him and he decided that some time apart probably wasn't a bad idea for him and Michaela right now. Michaela had heard him leave suppressing the desire to go to him. She had vowed to spend the whole day in bed and she turned back over seeking an elusive sleep. Sully had returned from his outing ready to talk to her but he found her bedroom closed to him and he too had retreated to his own room to brood.

Once Michaela was sure that everyone was asleep, she had left her room hoping secretly that Sully would be up and about. There felt like a great battle was being waged inside of her as her heart told her to do whatever it took to be with Sully while her mind told her to not give in. Sully was very aware of her movements on Saturday night and he even sat on the second floor balcony watching her walk down to the dock. He still wished to protect her from an unwelcome visitor like Thomas. He knew that she was deathly afraid of him but even that mystified Sully. The boy was nasty, no one could deny that. Yet Michaela wasn't usually afraid of anyone, at least she showed no fear in front of them. So why Thomas had so inspired the fear in her that he had sent the other day on the dock continued to perplex him. Yet he couldn't stop fighting with her long enough to even bring this up.

He had stood in the shadows as she returned to the house, waiting until he heard her bedroom door snap shut before tiptoeing down the hall. Sully stopped in front of her door, placing the palm of both hands flat against it. How could the same person that brought him so much joy also cause him so much pain? Why should it be that love and hurt were so intimately connected?

At that same moment, Michaela stood on the other side of the door, her head resting against the wood panels as she prayed to hear any movement in the house that would let her know that Sully was awake. No sound met her ears but she continued to stand there.

Sully took his hands off the door and moved down the hall stealthily, his feet making no noise against the wooden boards. He opened his door and stepped inside, closing it behind him. Michaela heard the click of the door and bolted upright. Quickly she threw open her door looking down the corridor only to see an empty hall and Sully's door still firmly shut. Believing she had imagined the whole thing she went back to bed, hoping that tonight she would be able to fall asleep.

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**September 19, 1852**

"I don't know if this is gonna work," John said standing beside the kitchen sink as he watched Ida fry the bacon.

"It might not but we gotta try somethin'. Those two makin' themselves miserable." Ida moved over to the stove to take a peek at the biscuits. "Ya ain't gonna back out on me now, are ya?"

"No. I just know how ya go gettin' your hopes up that everythin' gonna turn out fine. I don't wanna see ya disappointed if this don't work," John finished. "And ya know I don't like meddlin'."

"This isn't meddlin'. This is matchmakin' and there is a difference," she declared before he had a chance to argue.

He gave her a wry look and shook his head. "All I'm sayin' is that gettin those two together might only result in another fight."

"Maybe but we won't know unless we try now, will we?"

"Woman you are determined. Ain't never met someone so determined."

"Thank you," she said playfully walking back across the kitchen.

John moved closer to her and pulled her into his embrace. "I love ya," he said giving her a light kiss on the lips.

"Even when I'm determined," she replied smiling broadly.

"Especially when ya're determined." Again he leaned into her, this time deepening the kiss.

Sully walked in and froze when he realized he was interrupting a private moment. "Sorry," he hastily said as he turned to leave the kitchen.

John pulled back but continued to hold onto Ida. "Sully," he called. "We's just kissin'. Ain't gotta leave the room." Sully turned back around but his cheeks were bright red. "Ain't ya ever seen two people kiss," John teased placing one more kiss to Ida's cheek before letting her go.

Ida laughed. "Ya think Elizabeth let Josef kiss her in public?" she asked sarcastically. "I bet none of 'em children ever seen their ma and pa kiss."

Sully looked up at Ida, his face contorted in thought. "I think you're right," he said. "I ain't ever seen 'em kiss."

John laughed as he moved towards Sully. "Hey ya wanna help me out this mornin' before we head to church?"

"I was hoping Michaela might be up to talkin'," Sully said looking up at the ceiling as if he expected to hear movement from above.

"Why don't you let me talk to her this morning," Ida suggested. "Then I'll bring her along with me to church."

Sully looked reluctant but he agreed. Ida plated both of them some breakfast and then busied herself making a tray to take up to Michaela. Both Sully and John finished quickly and headed out the door by the time Ida made her way up the stairs.

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Michaela lay across the bed looking up at the ceiling, feeling nothing but a deep sadness at her inability to make sense of her own feelings. She had heard Sully already leave the house and she decided that she would stay in bed again today as her depression grew worse. Desperately her mind tried to find a solution but everything seemed impossible. Sully was right –he couldn't very well return to Boston and wait around for her. It had occurred to Michaela that they could go ahead and marry but she knew that would only cause more trouble than it was worth. Her mother for one would be dead set against it. Michaela has also considered the possibility that they could marry in Maryland before returning to Boston. Yet she knew that most of her family had had no idea of her and Sully's relationship. An impromptu wedding would be shocking and practically scandalous.

A light knock came to her door and though she had vowed only moments before to remain alone, she rose and answered it. Ida stood on the other side with a breakfast tray for her. "Thought you might be hungry," she said taking the opportunity to step past Michaela into the room.

Michaela opened her mouth to argue but the smell of fresh baked biscuits and warm bacon wafted up to her and she relented. Following Ida across to the vanity, she sat down when Ida stepped back, lifting the cloth napkin to reveal quite a spread. Michaela said nothing but dug in hungrily as Ida watched her.

"Ya planin' on talkin' this thing out with Sully?" she asked looking at the girl's reflection in the mirror.

Michaela swallowed what was in her mouth and turned to look at Ida. "There isn't anything to talk about. He wants to leave."

"Really?" Ida asked looking as if she didn't trust Michaela's words. Michaela looked up at her, her mouth full of food. Ida took advantage of the situation to say what was on her mind. "If he wanted to leave, why hasn't he?" Michaela shrugged her shoulders as she took another bite. "Cause he's crazy about ya. I understand that Sully's pride is gettin' in the way of what ya want. He might not be makin' much sense now and I'm sure that you're right about a lot of things in this situation. But let me ask ya – Is bein' right worth losin' Sully?"

Michaela swallowed prematurely as Ida's question convicted her. The food lodged in her throat and she chocked on a piece of biscuit. Ida quickly patted her on the back and the food settled. "Thanks," she said. "I don't want to lose Sully."

"Then don't," Ida simply said.

"But don't you have some advice.. something I could do to make him understand?" Michaela asked.

"The two of ya need to talk. Ya need to tell each other everythin'. And I said talk- not yell." Michaela nodded as she turned back to the breakfast. "Ya wanna come to church with me today?" Ida suggested as she prepared to return to the downstairs.

Michaela's mouth was full of biscuit but she shook her head no.

"Sully's already gone out with John so it'll just be us," Ida continued as if she had not seen Michaela answer her.

Michaela was prepared to say no again but when she looked up at Ida she realized something that had eluded her over the past couple days. Ida looked old- older than she had ever seen her look. She also looked sad. Michaela knew that Ida had taken Anna's death particularly hard but she had been so caught up in her own emotional turmoil that she hadn't noticed just how hard this had all been on Ida. The thought of her going to church all alone made Michaela feel bad and so she hastily swallowed her food and turned towards Ida. "I'll go with you this morning," she said.

Ida smiled. "Good," she replied as the light in her eyes brightened. "Can ya be ready in about thirty minutes?"

"Yes," Michaela said quickly taking another bite of biscuit as she stood to see what dress she might wear.

"Meet ya downstairs then," Ida returned as she exited the room. She closed Michaela's door behind her and smiled warmly. Perfect she thought to herself. The first part of their plan was already working. Now if only the two of them would cooperate.

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Sully sat on the wooden church pew with John suddenly regretting his decision to come with him when he saw Michaela enter the church. This was obviously set up to make them be together and perhaps talk. Sully had wanted this but he didn't like it being forced. John put a firm hand on Sully's knee and looked over at him. "Don't even think about going anywhere," he said. "We gonna settle this one way or another today."

Sully glared at the older man and let out an angry breath, though he felt grateful at the same time. He didn't like the fact that John was making him deal with this now but he accepted it, slouching back against the pew.

At the back of the church, Michaela was having the same struggle with Ida. The woman firmly clasped her hand and practically dragged her to the front of the church, pushing her into the pew beside Sully. Neither met the other's eyes but both stared straight ahead as they waited for the service to start.

No one knew the forces that were working in their favor that day and only years later would either of them recognize the significance each small event played in their journey. First was the fact that they were seated behind a couple who were newlyweds. This hadn't been planned by John or Ida but it was providential good luck. Neither could ignore the whispers the two exchanged, the heated looks or the clasped hands. It made Michaela feel uncomfortable and she moved away from Sully several times before the service started as if he might get some idea about touching her from watching the couple in front of them. It made Sully feel extremely lonely because he longed to feel that close to Michaela once again.

The service started – the choir sang, the pastor prayed, scripture was read and then the sermon started. Again, it was not planned but the text of the sermon happened to be from Genesis 29. The pastor reiterated the story of how Jacob desired to marry Rachel and worked for his father in law for seven years in order to take her as his wife. Yet when the bridal night came he found that he had been tricked and given her sister Leah instead. He then worked another seven years for Rachel. For Michaela, she heard nothing after the initial reading of the Scripture. The pastor was making some excellent point about the story but her mind was far away. Somewhere from the recesses of memory she remembered being read this story as a small child and commenting that Jacob must have really loved Rachel to be willing to work for her all that time.

It took only a moment for her thoughts to turn towards Sully who sat stalwartly beside her, his hands folded upon his lap. How many times over the past week had she accused him of not loving her enough? She had been wrong. He was willing to work for her. He was willing to carve a life for them, while she fulfilled her dream. He was willing to wait for her. As her heart softened, she literally moved towards him on the pew, whether subconsciously or consciously neither was sure. Sully didn't understand what had caused the change but he noticed it and was thankful.

The minute the pastor closed the last prayer, Michaela shot out of the church. Tears were about to fall and she wished for no one to see them. Sully was perplexed by her expedient exit and his face contorted once again as he felt rejected.

Ida moved closer to him. "Go to her," she whispered giving him a brief hug. "She needs ya. Just go to her."

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**Colorado Springs, 1865**

Michaela quickly pulled away from him, her cheeks flushed. He looked down into her eyes seeing the deep hurt reflected there and he swallowed hard. He had sworn to himself that he would never have to see that kind of pain reflected there again. She was already running away from the gathering, hitching up her long beautiful skirt so that she didn't trip on it.

Sully wasn't sure what to do. Part of him wanted to turn around and make Jake pay for starting this whole mess. Part of him wanted to go after her. Yet still another part wanted to run away. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong in this world anymore but with his Cheyenne family instead. He turned back towards the watching faces still unsure of what to do. Already Loren was moving towards him.

"I thought she was your sister," he exclaimed.

"I never said that," Sully corrected.

"Abigail did," Loren reminded him.

"I never told her that either. Y'all just assumed. She ain't my sister." His anger came boiling over now until he felt a tiny hand reach up and take his own. Sully looked down to see that the Cooper children now stood beside him, their faces turned up expectantly toward his.

"Now ain't the time," whispered Matthew. "Go to Dr. Mike. She needs ya."

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	66. Chapter 66

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- six**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 18, 1852 **

The sky was a brilliant blue as Sully left the church, his eyes searching the yard for Michaela's form. The color of her skin alone should have made her stand out in the sea of people but he didn't see her. He circled the building now, his eyes ever roaming over the landscape. As he rounded the back left corner, he caught sight of the stiff black taffeta of her dress pressed against a tree. Suddenly breathing became difficult as he realized that his future happiness depended on what he did in the next few minutes. There was a hesitation building inside of him as he drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Her face turned towards him, their eyes locked and Sully began to walk towards her never breaking the gaze. His hands trembled but he ignored it. And then as Michaela dropped her eyes and turned her head back towards the tree, a dark cloud descended upon Sully making him quicken his pace feeling as if he were almost too late.

"Michaela?" he whispered softly as he wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her back snug against his chest. She did not reply but she leaned back against him and he could feel her body heaving with emotion. Sully tightened his grip on her, glad that she was not pulling away. Burying his face in her hair, he breathed in deeply. Michaela giggled softly making Sully pull back.

She turned in his arms, her cheeks still damp but a smile perched firmly on her lips. "I changed soap," she informed him.

"What?" Sully asked not following her train of thought. His face was wrinkled with confusion.

"The last time I saw you before we were away from each other, I gave you soap to remember my smell."

Sully nodded. "I still have it," he admitted. "Keep it wrapped up tightly in an old handkerchief. If I can't remember what ya smell like I take it out."

Michaela's smile widened. "I changed soap. They stopped making that particular kind. I forgot until now when you smelled me." She wrinkled up her nose as she spoke making Sully grin as well.

"It must smell very similar 'cause I don't really notice a difference."

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I don't have an old one to compare it to."

"Why are we talking about this now?" Sully laughed.

"To avoid talking about important things," she whispered back laying her head against his chest. "And because we don't want to fight anymore."

"I don't want to fight anymore," he affirmed.

"Let's go home," she whispered turning her face up towards him.

"And talk?" Sully asked with a slightly perplexed look upon his face.

Michaela raised her head. "And eat," she replied. "I'm hungry."

A look of amusement crossed Sully's face. "And change out of these black clothes," he added. "I want to see you in color."

"And I want to go out on the sailboat," Michaela continued.

"And then we probably should talk," Sully finished.

Michaela nodded her head and pulled away from him reaching back to find his hand. "And then kiss?" she asked smiling shyly.

It was now Sully's turn to nod as they started back around the side of the church hand in hand.

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Boston **

Everett sat on the other side of the room, his head bowed low so that no one could see his face. Elizabeth sat on the couch with Josef's arm wrapped around her, a look of concern on both of their faces. Nervously, Elizabeth ran her hands down the front of her silk gown. They had been ready to leave for mass when the message had arrived that Marjorie had fallen. As quickly as possible they had taken the carriage to Back Bay where Everett and Marjorie lived. From what they could gather, Marjorie had fallen down the stairs late the night before but had told Everett she was fine. This morning he could not rouse her and had immediately sent for a physician. Josef was still a little puzzled as to why he had not been called but instead Dr. Roberts. Josef knew of Dr. Roberts and believed him to be a fine physician but still he wished he was the one doing the examining instead of the waiting.

Footsteps on the stairs alerted them to the doctor's presence and they each quickly rose from their respective seats. Josef stepped towards Dr. Roberts anxiously ready to hear what the doctor had to say.

"Dr. Quinn and Mrs. Quinn," he said in greeting with a small nod of his head in their direction.

"How's Marjorie?" Everett asked in a nervous whisper.

"Physically she is going to be fine. She will need to rest for the next week or so. I don't want her exerting herself in any fashion. It seems she hit the side of her head against the wall when she fell last night. I believe she had a mild concussion and that is why you weren't able to wake her this morning. She's awake now. "

"Thank God," said Everett breathing a sigh of relief. He started to pass by the doctor and head up the stairs but Dr. Roberts laid a hand on his arm stopping him.

"There's more I need to tell you," he said as Everett slowly turned back towards the group.

"What is it?" Josef asked his mind jumping in a million different directions with possibilities. He felt Elizabeth take his hand in hers giving it a light squeeze.

"Marjorie was pregnant. From what she was able to tell me, I believe around two months or so. She has miscarried the baby."

"Everett did you know?" Elizabeth asked as her own stomach clenched in empathy for her daughter.

"I didn't," he whispered, his face ghostly white. "I need to see her."

Dr. Roberts looked at him. "She's asking for her mother."

Everett's face darkened suddenly at the thought that his wife didn't want to see him. He grew nervous wondering if Marjorie would tell Elizabeth what had really happened last night. Dr. Roberts saw the look on the young man's face and tried to reassure him. "At times like these, women often need other women." He placed his hand on Everett's shoulder. "She'll want to see you as well but for now I think we ought to let Mrs. Quinn go to her."

Everett nodded and stepped aside as Elizabeth swept up the stairs the hem of her dress trailing along each step. Josef stepped over towards Everett and gave him a comforting pat on the back. "Don't worry about her son. Many women have miscarriages especially in the early weeks of pregnancy. Elizabeth had two between Rebecca and Claudette. She knows what Marjorie is going through."

Josef's words neither assured nor comforted Everett. He swallowed hard and turned back towards the chair he had been sitting in earlier. A terrible guilt overcame him and he couldn't fight off the tears that rose to his eyes. Quickly he crossed to the mantle, leaving his back towards Josef so that he wouldn't see the emotion on his face. A baby, his baby was gone. He looked down at his hands and shook his head. He had killed his own child he thought to himself. He vowed right then, never to lay a hand on Marjorie again.

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The room was dark when Elizabeth entered it and she could hear Marjorie's sobs from where she stood at the door. Slowly she crossed to the bed sitting down on the edge. Marjorie was turned on her side away from Elizabeth but when she felt the bed move, she tensed. Yet after seeing that it was her mother, she relaxed moving closer to her.

"Oh my little girl," Elizabeth cooed softly stroking Marjorie's hair. "Are you in any pain?" she asked.

"No," Marjorie whispered. "Dr. Roberts gave me some laudanum." A beat of silence fell before Marjorie spoke once more. "I lost my baby," she cried now sitting up and leaning into Elizabeth's embrace.

"I know," Elizabeth soothed as she rubbed her back. "Sh, sh… Here now. It's going to be okay."

"Is Everett angry?" Marjorie asked, her voice shaking with emotion.

Elizabeth pulled back to look at Marjorie's face, surprised by her question. "Angry?" she asked looking down at her daughter's face. "I wouldn't say he's angry. He's upset of course and worried about you."

"He didn't know about the baby," Marjorie confided in her mother.

"Did you?" Elizabeth asked, unsure what to make of Marjorie's peculiar behavior.

"I thought maybe," Marjorie replied, her voice barely audible. "I was planning on going to the doctor next week. It's my fault," she said breaking down anew.

"No, it's not your fault," Elizabeth assured her. "These things happen. Sometimes when a baby is conceived something goes wrong. This is nature's way of taking care of that." Marjorie nodded her head but didn't let on that other forces had been at work here rather than nature. "You'll see," Elizabeth said trying to be cheerful. "You have plenty of time to have children. As soon as the doctor says it's okay you and Everett can try again."

Marjorie sobbed harder thinking about Everett being intimate with her after all that had happened. "I don't know that I want more children," she whispered against Elizabeth.

"I know but in time you might change your mind," Elizabeth said. She hugged her daughter close to her as a small knock came to the bedroom door.

The door opened and Everett stood in the doorway, nervously twisting his hands. "Could I see my wife now?" he asked Elizabeth. Marjorie turned her face up to him and he could see the fear there.

"Of course," Elizabeth said unable to see the expression on Marjorie's face. She moved off the bed and headed for the door. Placing a hand on Everett's lower arm, she leaned towards him. "She's very upset," Elizabeth whispered. "You need to be gentle with her." She turned back to give Marjorie a brief smile before she left the room.

Everett saw Marjorie wince as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Gently he took her hand in his. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. Her hand was shaking in his and he tried to stroke it so that she would relax. "I didn't know."

"So you wouldn't have hit me if you'd known?" Marjorie asked her voice void of emotion, her eyes unable to meet his.

"Oh God, I never meant to hurt you. I just get so angry sometimes. You just make me so angry sometimes. I never meant to hurt our baby." He began to cry now, his body convulsing with each troubled breath. Marjorie felt her resolve melting and though she knew that he was responsible for what had happened to her, she found herself comforting him. She sat up a little straighter and wrapped her arms around his back.

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed over and over. Marjorie held onto him as her own tears fell freely.

"This can't happen again," she whispered. "You can't do this again."

Everett turned his face up to her. "I promise you, Marjorie. This will never happen again. I promise."

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**Cambridge, Maryland**

Michaela sat on the bow of the sailboat watching Sully as he lowered the sail before joining her. Working quickly, he cast glances at her every few minutes wondering what she was thinking. Her eyes followed him and for some reason that made him feel self conscious. She was dressed in a soft blue that made her face shine in the afternoon sun. Every day since Anna's death, she had been dressed in the customary black and so it was good to see her in something else. No longer did she look so pale but rather her cheeks had a healthy glow about them that Sully found pleasing. Nervously, he crossed the boat, sitting down so that he faced her. He let out a deep breath and looked up into her face.

Michaela was smiling and she scooted towards him so that she could interlace her right hand with his left. "I love you," she said, her voice light and airy. "And I'm sorry we fought."

"Me too," Sully agreed, then realized that he needed to be more specific. "I mean I love ya too and I'm sorry we fought."

"The truth is that I don't understand why you have to go back to mining. There are plenty of jobs in Boston you could take. But I do understand that you don't want to live on my money." She grew silent and dropped her head.

Sully felt himself feeling a little angry at her words. They didn't quite feel like an apology and he assumed she was now waiting for him to say something. Grimacing he let out a deep sigh afraid that this was going to turn into another fight.

Sully was wrong though, Michaela was only collecting her thoughts so that she could continue to speak. "This morning in church, I realized that everything you are doing it's so that we can be together. I'm sorry that I accused you of not loving me enough to stay around. You're willing to work for me just like Jacob worked for Rachel."

Sully took his other hand and raised her head so that he could look her in the eye. "Thank ya," he whispered softly stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. She smiled at him and he swallowed hard knowing what he needed to do. "I've been thinking and I know that us being apart was really hard on ya so I can understand why ya wouldn't want me to leave so soon again. I'm gonna go back to Boston with ya and see if I can get a job on the docks."

Michaela's face lit up. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," he confirmed. "I'm just worried that I won't make enough doin' that. I might have to go back to minin'."

"If you need to go back to mining, I'll understand," Michaela whispered. "Just please don't leave me for so long again."

"Never again," Sully assured her running his hand from her cheek down her arm so that he could now hold both of her hands.

"Have we made up?" Michaela asked her eyes trained on Sully's lips.

"Yeah," he said somewhat hesitantly. "But I still got some things we need to talk about."

Michaela raised her eyebrows at him. "Like what?" she asked.

"Like why you're so afraid of Thomas?"

Michaela's face was like stone revealing nothing to Sully for the moment. She shrugged her shoulders and looked off into the distance. "He threatened me," she said trying to act nonchalant about it.

Sully dropped her other hand and moved around so that he sat behind her on his knees. He placed his hands on her shoulders and began to knead the flesh there in a firm massage. Unconsciously she leaned back into him as he felt her tenseness begin to recede. "Is that all?" he whispered from his new position.

Again her shoulders tightened but Sully continued to work at them while he waited for her to speak. "I keep having this dream," she confessed. "Thomas is hurting me and I keep calling your name. He just laughs at me and says not to worry about you anymore. He's taken care of you." She stopped her body curling in on itself as the thought of Sully dying shook her to the core. Quickly, Sully wrapped his arms around as he realized her fear. He held her tightly, willing that she feel safe.

"It's just a dream Michaela," Sully said, his voice gentle and soothing.

"No you don't understand. I've been having this dream since before Anna died."

Sully wasn't sure what to make of this but he pulled Michaela closer as he spoke. "You were dreaming about Thomas wanting the estate back before Anna died?"

"No," she shook her head. "In my dream there was someone trying to hurt me. I didn't know it was Thomas. I could never see their face but after Anna died…" Her voice faded off.

"Michaela ya turned that person into Thomas because he was threatenin' ya. Don't ya think that dream was more about us bein' apart than about Thomas. I know ya felt unsure about things. I did myself."

Michaela pulled away in order to turn around and look at him. "You were unsure about things?" Sully nodded and then looked down at his hands. "What things?" she asked, the talk of Thomas already forgotten.

Sully stood and went to lean against the railing with his back to Michaela. He knew what he needed to tell her but it was the actual telling that was going to be hard. "Michaela I don't want you to think that I wanted to stay away from you but I was afraid."

She rose and went to stand beside him. "Afraid of what?" she asked her voice full of love and concern.

"I'm so different than ya. When we were kids, it weren't that big of a deal. But now… I was scared ya wouldn't feel the same about me."

Michaela smiled remembering the night not long ago when she had admitted practically the same thing. "You got my letters, right? How could you think things had changed?"

"I didn't think things had changed but I thought when we were together again they would. You'd see that I don't fit in your world." He turned now to look at her. "Ya sent me that picture last Christmas. Ya were so beautiful and fancy lookin'. And you're so smart - goin' to college and everythin'." He looked down at his hands again now. "I was afraid that when ya saw me, really saw me again, you'd realize…."

Michaela lifted his chin so that there eyes met. "The only thing I realized is that I love you more than I ever thought possible," she said, her voice clear and full of love. "I don't love you because you're handsome or because you're smart or because my mother thinks you're a good catch. I love you because of who you are, because you've always believed in me and nothing is going to change that."

Sully's chest felt tight as his heart seemed to grow with love for this woman standing in front of him. Ever so slowly, he leaned in placing a firm kiss on her lips before pulling back to look at her. "Ya don't think I'm handsome?" he asked.

Michaela blushed and pressed her lips closely together. "Rebecca thinks you are," she giggled.

"Rebecca? Hmm… maybe I'm goin' after the wrong sister," he teased.

"She's a married woman Mr. Sully. You're stuck with me."

"But ya think I'm ugly," he returned unable to suppress the smile on his lips.

Michaela laughed as she laid a hand on his chest. "Definitely not ugly," she replied bringing her lips close to his once again. She closed her eyes waiting for his kiss.

Sully brought his hand up to her neck, running his fingers down the side so that Michaela's skin was quickly covered in goose bumps. She could feel his warm breath near her cheek but still he did not kiss her. "Ya know what I was thinking?" he asked.

Michaela raised one eyelid to peak at him. "What?"

"That we really shouldn't be wasting all this time here in Maryland like we have been. When we get back to Boston we gotta pretend like we ain't together. But here we can hold hands. I can put my arm around ya…"

"You can kiss me," she said impatiently.

"Yeah, that too," he replied as he finally closed the distance between them with another kiss.

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**Colorado Springs, 1864**

"What are ya doin' here?" His voice was harsh causing her stomach to tighten.

"I came to find you," she whispered her eyes already clouding with tears.

"I ain't lost."

"No, I mean I needed to see you again."

"Why?"

She swallowed hard knowing that the moment of truth had come. Summoning every ounce of courage within her she began to speak. "Because I love you. I always have and I always will. I've turned my back on that love for too long but I don't want to do that anymore."

For a moment, she saw a flicker of hope in his eyes but something quickly doused it as the cold steely expression returned. "I ain't that same person anymore. That person ya loved died a long time ago."

"You don't love me anymore?" she asked dreading what his answer might be.

He looked at her feeling his resolve slipping so he quickly turned away. "That don't matter. It ain't enough. Ya said that yourself. We're too different."

"I was wrong," she returned. "It is enough. It's more than enough. We're not too different."

"I don't believe that anymore," he said, his voice full of emotion. "I don't believe that."

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**Cambridge, Maryland **

Sully and Michaela took their time coming home, enjoying the late afternoon and each other's presence. There was a slight chill to the air as the sun began its descent. Michaela used the coolness as an excuse to snuggle next to Sully as he steered the boat, not that they really needed an excuse. Her arms were wrapped around his torso with her head lying against his back. All of the fights and sadness of the past week seemed like a distant memory and Thomas was the furthest thing from her mind.

"When should we go back to Boston?" she asked thinking of the coming weeks.

"Bet Elizabeth gonna want ya to come home soon," Sully laughed.

"I miss the hospital," she admitted.

"Then we should go back to Boston soon."

"I was thinking we could return the first week of October," Michaela suggested. "That way we could still have a few days here to enjoy.

"That's fine with me," Sully said.

"I think we should stop in New York on the way home."

Sully laughed. "Yeah cause the last time we did that it went so well."

"No one has to know this time," she replied. "I thought you might want to visit your mother's grave. And I wouldn't mind seeing a play," she admitted sheepishly. "No one would know us there. We wouldn't have to hide how we feel about each other. We could be a real couple enjoying a night out together."

Sully smiled as an idea formed in his mind. "That would be nice," he said. "Here, steer the boat while I lower the sail." Michaela did as he asked stepping forward to take his position. Slowly they came up on the dock. Sully jumped over the side to tie the spring line and then to secure the boat completely. He turned around and smiled at her as he offered his hand to help her off the boat.

"Thank you," she said giving him a wink. She started to walk up the dock but Sully grabbed a hold of her, pulling her towards him

"I love ya," he whispered staring into her beautiful mismatched eyes.

"I know," she sighed. "I'm irresistible." Sully laughed as he marveled at the change one afternoon had wrought in Michaela. Suddenly, she was her old self again, teasing and laughing as always.

"Okay Miss Irresistible, ya got a bunch of boys lined up in Boston waitin' to court ya?"

Michaela smiled. "Now how could I? I didn't even have a coming out?"

"Now ain't that a shame," Sully teased.

"Not really."

"Yeah, not really," he agreed. "But ya didn't answer my question. Are there any men interested in ya?"

"There's this one," Michaela sighed. Sully raised his eyebrows at her, his expression growing serious. "He's nothing to worry about."

"I'll be the judge of that," Sully replied lightheartedly. "Do I know him?"

"No. Well actually, he danced with me at Marjorie's coming out. His name is David."

Sully frowned. "I remember him."

"Mother was thrilled when he showed up at the house one afternoon offering to take me out to the museum the next day."

"Did ya go?" Sully asked, his face once again taking on a worried expression.

"No, I didn't go. I don't like museums," she teased.

Sully furrowed his brow as he studied her face. "Ya used to like goin' to the museusm."

"Then maybe it was the company I didn't like."

"Good answer," he replied. She tilted her head back inviting him to come closer which made him smile. This was so much more enjoyable now that Sully knew she wasn't doing it out of fear of losing him. Sully placed light kisses to the corners of her mouth before covering her lips fully with his own. He couldn't resist slipping his tongue out to run along her bottom lip. Michaela did not tense this time but allowed herself to enjoy the sensation. Sully felt her lips begin to part and his heartbeat sped up with the excitement of the moment.

Somewhere from above a gunshot rang out. Sully broke away from Michaela looking up the lawn towards the house. "What was that?" Michaela whispered holding onto Sully a little tighter.

"Sounded like a gunshot." Sully had a worried expression on his face. "Come on," he said taking her hand and beginning the walk up the lawn.

As soon as they stepped onto the grass, Michaela knew something wasn't right. Her stomach had tied itself in knots and her heart was beating fast within her chest. Sully could feel her hesitation and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "It's probably nothin'," he said but his voice betrayed his own fear.

Within moments, they were climbing the porch steps as John approached from the other side. "Y'all hear that gunshot?" he asked, a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah," Sully answered as his chest tightened when he realized it wasn't John who had shot the gun.

"Ida?" John called his voice full of concern. He threw open the screen door and started into the house with Michaela and Sully on his heels. John stopped suddenly in the kitchen doorway. "Ida?" he asked again.

At first, Sully and Michaela could not see what John saw as he was blocking the doorway but as he stepped to the side, the scene came into view before them. Ida stood with a shot gun in her shaking hands, her grip still firm. John went to her, trying to pry it from her fingers. On the floor lay Thomas, a rapid pool of blood already forming.

"I shot him," Ida whispered obviously in shock.

"Give me the gun, Ida." John was still working on taking it away from her.

Michaela moved quickly grabbing a towel and holding it over the wound in Thomas' abdomen. She looked up at Ida who had finally let go of the gun, collapsing against John. "Sully, I need more towels," she said as the blood quickly soaked through the first one. Sully ran to the pantry, grabbing several more and returned to where Michaela knelt. She placed another towel over the blood soaked one. "Sully hold this," she said indicating the towels. "Hold it firmly. We have to put pressure on the wound." As soon as Sully had taken over her position, she reached for Thomas' neck and felt for a pulse. Her hands were shaking and she second guessed herself when she felt nothing. She moved her hand down to his wrist and tried again but still nothing. "Nevermind," she said placing her hands overtop of Sully's. "He's gone."

"I killed him?" Ida asked, her voice shaking. Michaela and Sully exchanged looks but neither spoke.

"What happened?" John whispered pulling her close to him. "Ida, tell me what happened."

"I was peelin' the potatoes for supper." She stopped and pointed at the sink. "I heard a noise… thought it was one of y'all… when I turned around he was standin' there with that pistol." Everyone looked in the direction that Ida was pointing. No one had noticed it when they had first come in but right near Thomas' right hand was a small black revolver. "I knew ya'd left the shot gun beside the back door and so I started to ease my way over there. He was pointin' the gun at me and askin' where Michaela and Sully were… said he was gonna leave with his property one way or another. He heard a noise and turned around for a second… I grabbed the gun.. he threatened to shot me… I heard him cock the gun….I …." Her voice faded away in the sound of her sobs as the reality of all that had just occurred settled on her. John continued to hold her close as Michaela and Sully crossed to them.

John looked over at Sully. "We gonna have to get the sheriff," he informed him.

"Do ya want me to go?" Sully asked already stepping towards the back door.

John's body started to shake as his own tears came to the surface. "They gonna hang me," Ida sobbed as she clung even tighter to John.

"Of course they won't," Michaela assured her placing a hand on her back. "It was self defense. He was going to shoot you."

"That ain't gonna matter," John interjected. Michaela screwed up her face, confused by John's statement. "This ain't Boston, Michaela. All the sheriff gonna see is that a black woman shot a white man. They ain't gonna care why."

"But…" Michaela started to speak but then realized the unfairness of the situation. "There has to be something we can do."

John looked down at Ida. "I ain't gonna let 'em take ya," he said. "I'll tell 'em it was me." That only made Ida sob harder as she spoke words too unintelligible to make out.

Sully quickly stepped over and picked up the gun from where it had fallen on the floor. "No John that ain't gonna help anythin'. I'm gonna tell 'em it was me. That Thomas was tryin' to hurt Michaela. The deputy saw it himself the other day in town."

"No," Michaela protested moving towards Sully.

Sully placed his arm around her. "It's the only way," he said. "They'll believe me that it was self-defense before they'd believe Ida or John."

"We'll back up the story," John said seeing the wisdom in Sully's words. He cast a nervous glance at Michaela.

"But what if they don't believe you?" Michaela asked her eyes full of fear.

"They will, don't ya worry." Sully leaned in and placed a kiss to her forehead. "Don't worry," he repeated once again.

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	67. Chapter 67

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- six**

**Cambridge, Maryland – September 18, 1852 **

Sully stood in the backyard watching John ride off for the sheriff. For now, they had left everything as it was, waiting for the sheriff's arrival before moving Thomas' body. Michaela stepped out onto the back steps and walked over to where he stood. The sun was descending ever lower now and casting long shadows all around. She stopped close behind him as he turned abruptly to face her, immediately pulling her close. "I have to do this," he breathed into her hair.

"But Sully, it's lying. You will be lying." Michaela's voice was quivering and Sully knew she was fearful.

"If I don't do this, they're gonna hang Ida or John."

"I know," she replied looking down towards the ground. "It's just that two wrongs don't make a right."

"I agree but this is about more than that. There is a larger truth here than whether or not I lie. It ain't right that just because Ida's black and Thomas is white, they can hang her for shootin' him when it was clearly self defense." Michaela's face wrinkled up as she took in Sully's words. "'Sides Thomas got what he deserved."

Her eyes snapped forward to look at him. "Sully you aren't God. You can't dispense judgment like that."

Sully frowned. "I ain't tryin' to be God – I'm tryin' to do what I think is right. Ida or John ain't gonna get the justice they deserve. Unless this had happened, Thomas wouldn't have either. Ya saw the deputy's reaction on the day he was hurtin' ya in town."

Michaela nodded but her face was still lined with concern. "I don't know that I can lie,' she whispered leaning in towards him.

"Ya don't have to. Ya weren't here. Ya didn't see it happen. All that is true."

"But what if they don't believe you? What if they don't accept Ida and John's testimony because they're black? I don't want anything to happen to them but I also don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothin's gonna happen to me," he assured Michaela as he tightened his hold on her. "Nothin," he whispered again lovingly stroking her back. As he released his grip on her, Sully could still see the confliction on her face. "Ya just have to say ya weren't here," he reiterated. Michaela nodded but she still looked unsure. "Come on, let's check on Ida," he suggested, leading her back into the house.

Ida still stood in the same spot John had left her in when they agreed that he should ride for the sheriff. Her eyes were fixed on the sheet they had used to cover Thomas' body and her hands gripped the edge of the countertop so hard that her knuckles appeared white. Michaela approached her quickly seeing the shock on her face and wishing she could make everything all right. "Ida, why don't we go into the other room," she suggested wrapping one arm around the older lady's back to help guide her.

"I killed him," Ida whispered her face contorting with the emotional pain she now felt inside. "I ain't ever killed anyone before. I had women die on me givin' birth. I delivered babies that were stillborn but I ain't ever killed a person. Even when I delivered that baby had something wrong with it, I didn't kill it even though I know most would have."

Sully could see Michaela grimace at the thought of Ida's statement. His stomach clenched as he worried their plan wouldn't work because of Ida's emotional state and Michaela's guilty conscience. Wrapping his arm around Ida as well, he led them both out of the kitchen and into the morning room. The room wasn't used much in the summer and a musty sort of smell hung in the air. After lighting a few of the lamps, Sully set to work opening the windows, trying to get some fresh air into the room.

"So cold," Ida whispered from where she sat on the couch curled in on herself. "It's so cold." Michaela had already retrieved an afghan from the back of one of the chairs and was spreading it over Ida's legs.

She looked up at Sully and pointed towards the door, indicating that he should meet her there. They stepped away from Ida and talked in whispers so that she wouldn't overhear them. "She's in shock Sully. There's no way that she can talk to the sheriff."

"I know. I'm just afraid he'll want to see whoever's here."

"Maybe I should put her to bed. I could stay with her and you and John could tell him what happened."

Sully nodded. "I don't think we have any other choice. I was plannin' on sayin' that Thomas was threatin' Ida though. I guess I'll just say he was threatin' me."

Michaela nervously chewed on her bottom lip as she twisted her hands around and around. "I really hope this works."

Laying a steady hand on her shoulder, he gave it a light reassuring squeeze. Michaela immediately raised her head to meet his eyes. "It will," he replied with confidence all the while feeling rather unsure himself.

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By the time John returned with the sheriff, Ida and Michaela were tucked safely away upstairs. The only thing Sully was worried about was how much John had already told him. He was quickly placed at ease in this regard though, as the sheriff arrived with only the information that someone had been shot. John hadn't even told him who.

"He's in here," Sully said directing him into the kitchen and pulling back the white sheet.

"That's Thomas Brooks," the sheriff exclaimed. "You better go on and tell me what happened here," he said giving Sully a suspicious look. No one noticed that Michaela was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Sully sat down at the kitchen table and invited the sheriff to join them. John occupied himself by putting on a pot of coffee. "Go on son," the sheriff said after they had settled in.

"I was in the backyard when I heard a noise in the house. John had been keepin' the shotgun by the back door because we've had some trouble with Thomas before." The sheriff looked up at him, his face filled with doubt. Sully swallowed hard. "Anna owns his father's land. When she died she left it with most of her estate to her granddaughter, Michaela. Thomas wants it back."

The sheriff nodded. "I had wondered if all the rumors were true. Should have known somethin' was goin' on. Well tell me what led to him getting shot."

"Like I said the shotgun was by the back door so I picked it up just to be on the safe side."

Michaela's heart panicked at that moment. Much like her father, she didn't like lying. It had become a necessary evil when she needed to hide her relationship with Sully but in general it went against everything she believed in. Yet fearing that Sully was in danger of being arrested, she could not remain silent. "He was hurting me," she exclaimed from her place in the doorway. All three men turned to look at her. Sully's eyes were large and he shook his head subtly trying to indicate to her to stay out of it. "He had a gun and was threatening me with it. Sully told him to drop the gun and to leave but he wouldn't. I heard Thomas cock the gun and then I heard the shot. Sully shot him before Thomas shot me."

"You're the girl that he grabbed in town not too long ago, aren't ya?" Michaela nodded, dropping her head quickly to the floor. The room felt as if it was spinning all of a sudden and she grabbed onto the doorframe to steady herself. An overwhelming guilt sprang up in her chest but one look at Sully seemed to ease it.

Sully watched as she went pale and stumbled slightly backwards. Quickly, he rose and went to her. "Michaela, ya okay?"

"I don't feel well," she said, her voice barely audible.

"Probably in shock," the sheriff said rising from the table. "I don't need to question you anymore right now, miss. If you want to go lay down that will be fine."

Michaela nodded and leaned in against Sully who began to direct her out of the room. "Ya okay?" he asked again.

"Did I do the right thing?" she asked turning her face up to him as they began to walk up the stairs. He could see the uncertainty there and he felt bad that she had to go through this at all.

"Michaela, ya didn't have to do it. But it helped. It really helped."

"I wanted to help," she replied her voice quivering. "I think I'm going to be sick." Quickly she pulled away from him and dashed down the hall to her room, grabbing for the wash basin. Sully knew that she hadn't eaten anything since much earlier in the day and he watched as she dry heaved a few times before collapsing on the bed. Sully felt torn as he sat down on the edge lightly stroking her face. He didn't want to leave her alone but he knew that he had to go back and finish talking with the sheriff. He opened his mouth to say just that when Michaela beat him to it. "You better go back downstairs."

"Yeah," Sully agreed. "I'll be back as soon as I'm done." Rising from the bed, he walked towards the door and then turned back around headed towards the bed once more. He hovered over Michaela for a moment like an eagle hugging the earth. Sully couldn't help but think she looked so vulnerable at that moment and who couldn't blame her after the past few weeks of hell that she had lived through. He vowed right then to try and do all in his power to help her regain her normal boldness and tenacity. Dipping low, he placed a firm kiss to her cheek while Michaela grabbed at his hand giving it a quick squeeze in her own. "I'll be back," he whispered once more and then left her alone.

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The night had grown quite late by the time Sully found himself finally lying down in his own bed. After Michaela's dramatic scene in the kitchen, the sheriff seemed ready to accept the story without too much questioning. It seems that Thomas was in fact known as a troublemaker. While he was alive, there was a sort of unspoken agreement that the sheriff would leave him alone if he didn't overstep his bounds too much. Now that he was dead, the sheriff felt completely differently about him. Sully was relieved that things had been so cut and dry. Ida and Michaela both still worried him but for now he was glad that Michaela wouldn't have to speak to the sheriff again. And Ida's whereabouts hadn't even been questioned.

The sheriff had taken the body back into town to the undertaker when he left. He also had the job of going to the Brooks to tell them what had happened. When the sheriff had told Sully of his plans, Sully had truly panicked for the first time that evening. He could clearly remember Thomas' father and he really didn't want to have to tangle with him over his son's death. Yet when he had asked about Mr. Brooks, the sheriff confirmed that he had passed away two years ago during a hunting accident and that only Clara and Mrs. Brooks remained. Sully had relaxed at that news, truly believing they had put everything behind them.

After the sheriff was a safe distance off, each of the men had gone upstairs to tend to the women. Ida of course was the worst off, lying in bed and staring at the wall as if she was in some sort of catatonic state. To Sully's surprise Michaela had been quite lucid and insisted on fixing Ida some chamomile tea to help her relax and possibly even fall asleep. When they had left Ida, she was just beginning to drift off and John had assured them that she would be much better after a good nights sleep though they could tell that he wasn't even sure of that himself.

Michaela had asked Sully to stay with her for awhile after he had walked her back to the bedroom. Complying with her wishes, he had stayed with her. They had stretched out on the bed which Sully had thought better of from the first but the thought of them getting physically involved was the farthest thing from either of their minds. Instead, Michaela had laid her head against his chest listening to his heartbeat and waiting for sleep to claim her. When it finally did, Sully moved her gingerly back onto the bed and left her with a light kiss to return to his own room.

So much had occurred in only a few hours and his brain seemed unable to relax with so much rattling around inside. The pillow seemed too flat and he added another one from the other side of the bed. Turning onto his side, he heard a light tap at the door and sighed audibly, wondering if he would get any sleep at all tonight. Yet as soon as he opened the door and saw Michaela standing there in tears, his only thoughts were for her.

"What is it?" he whispered drawing her close.

"A dream," she simply replied offering no more information than that. Still she was clearly shaken so Sully led her inside his room lest they wake anyone else.

The natural assumption was that the dream had to do with Thomas' death and that is what Sully thought. All the more so since Michaela had been having dreams about him before this had happened. "He can't hurt you anymore," Sully whispered against her ear as he led her to the bed to sit down.

"Who can't?" she asked turning her head to see him better.

"Thomas," Sully answered with an amount of uncertainty in his voice.

"I was dreaming about you."

Sully started to say something and then thought better of it. After being wrong the first time he decided not to make any more assumptions. "What about me?"

"We were talking and you started walking away from me. You told me you didn't love me anymore – that things had changed too much. I was begging but you wouldn't turn around – you wouldn't look at me." She paused here taking a deep breath before continuing. "It might have been worse because when I woke up you were gone and I didn't expect you to be."

Sully sighed deeply feeling a knot form in his throat. Already he was choking down emotion. When he had first arrived here, it was as if three years had never passed for the two of them but now there were constant reminders. The biggest being Michaela's insecurity which he couldn't seem to resolve with his words. Somehow simply seeing her again, realizing that she didn't care if he was wealthy or not had dismissed many of his own doubts. Of course he didn't really think about the fact that they had essentially been isolated since their reunion. Once back in Boston, his feelings of inadequacy might resurface. Still the only thing that was important at this particular moment was reassuring Michaela.

"Thought it was best to sleep in my own bed is all. Michaela, I ain't goin' anywhere. You don't have to worry about that." His voice was soft and inviting. Michaela leaned more fully against him as he spoke closing her eyes and savoring his warmth.

"I was scared I suppose. I missed you so much…" Her voice trailed off, the last few words full of emotion.

"I know. I wish I hadn't stayed away for so long," he apologized once again. Sully's mind raced to think of some way to demonstrate how committed he was but nothing came easily to mind. It was as if Michaela needed something more tangible. Their conversation from earlier in the day floated back to him in tiny fragments. He needed to make her understand that when he said forever, he meant forever. In that one second, it became perfectly clear to him what he needed to do but it was imperative that the moment be right. This was not the moment, of that he was sure. So he continued to hold her, softly stroking her arm for reassurance.

Eventually she calmed and turned to face him more directly. Looking at him, she tried to communicate wordlessly what she needed to hear but Sully seemed lost in his own thoughts for the moment. "I'm sorry," she whispered pulling her hair back behind her head instead of letting it fly free over her shoulders. "I know…" She searched for the right words, wanting to say I know you love me but actually scaring herself out of using that language. "I know you aren't going anywhere but my dream seemed so real."

"Sometimes dreams are like that," Sully affirmed removing his arm from around her and taking her hand in his.

Michaela giggled at that moment and Sully looked up at her surprisingly. "You aren't wearing your pajama shirt," she said, answering his questioning look.

"I told ya I still didn't. Why ya smiling like that?"

"No reason," she replied continuing to take in the sight of his bare muscular chest, surprised once again at his transformation from boy to man. Her eyes wandered back up to his face. "You do love me, don't you?" she asked out of the blue.

"Or course, I do. That's what I've been tryin' to tell ya." Michaela had hastily dropped her eyes to the bed after asking the question so that Sully now raised her chin in order to look her fully in the face. "I love you," he said plainly, his eyes baring his heart to her.

"I know. I just need to be reminded sometimes."

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**Colorado Springs, 1858**

Moving quickly to block his path, she stood in front of him, her eyes fixed on his face. The look he saw there was one of desperation and he wished that he had never started this conversation with her.

"You can't just leave."

"There isn't any reason for me to stay," Sully replied nervously pressing his lips together.

"But... I love you," she cried out. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? I came all the way here just to see you."

Sully breathed in deeply giving himself time to think. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't see any other alternative. In this case, the truth was hurtful and she needed to hear the truth. "I don't love you like that," he replied his voice never wavering.

Quickly she threw her arms around him holding on for dear life. "Don't do this," she cried out. "Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry," he whispered pushing her to the side.

Tears streamed down her face as her hands still reached out to him. "But I love you," she whispered again. Sully heard her words but continued to walk away knowing that anything else he said would only make things worse.

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**Cambridge, Maryland – September 19, 1852**

Sully had woken, washed and dressed quickly, anxious to check on Ida. The position of the sun in the morning sky told him it was late which wasn't surprising given the time of night when he had officially drifted off. Heading down the hall, he heard Michaela moving around in her room and he couldn't resist knocking on the door.

"Come in," she called and he wasted no time in entering. Already dressed for the day, she sat at her vanity brushing her hair out. Sully smiled at the simple red dress she was wearing. Walking up behind her, he took the brush away from her right hand and took over where she had left off. Michaela gave him a secret smile in the mirror, relishing his gentle brush strokes against her scalp.

"Givin' up your mourning clothes?" he asked returning her look in the mirror.

"For now. When we return to Boston, I'll have to go back to wearing them unless I want to start an all out war with Elizabeth. But you're right, being in black all the time only makes me feel worse. Anna wouldn't want that but I figure I have the rest of our time here and then our time in New York to dress however I want."

"Our time in New York," Sully repeated, his mind racing forward as he considered his plan from the night before.

"What about it?"

"Nothin'. Just daydreamin'." Sully gave her a wink and she blushed slightly but looked extremely pleased with herself all at the same time. It was at that moment that Sully's stomach made its presence known by growling loudly. They both giggled out loud over it.

"Maybe we should go down to breakfast," Michaela suggested tying her hair back in a loose ponytail.

"Probably," Sully agreed as she rose and started for the door. He followed her out of the room and down the stairs. There was no welcoming smell of bacon, coffee, or biscuits as they descended. This should have been there first signal that all was not well but the thought had not yet occurred to them. They laughed and joked with each other instead and continued on until they reached the kitchen doorway.

All of the kitchen furniture that could be moved had been. It was all squished into the hallway so that Michaela and Sully had to pick their way around it. In the middle of the kitchen, Ida sat on her knees scrub brush in hand. Using both hands she worked the brush into the wood, trying hard to erase some imaginary substance. She had always been a meticulous person but neither Sully nor Michaela had seen her like this.

"Get John," Michaela whispered to Sully as she headed over to squat down next to Ida.

"Ida, are you okay?"

"So much blood," she mumbled. "There's so much blood. I gotta scrub it up." Her eyes were wild as well as her hair. This added to the few simple sentences she spoke over and over, worried Michaela. She had seen patients like this in the mental ward of the hospital and she prayed hard that Ida would not wind up like one of them.

"There's no blood," Michaela tried to assure her. "John and Sully took care of it last night."

She looked down at her hands now and dunked them into the bucket with the water she was using to scrub the floor and began to vigorously wash them as well. "So much blood," she repeated again.

"Ida, there's no blood. Look there is no blood," Michaela repeated again feeling more and more afraid that something inside of Ida had snapped. She could her feet on the stairs and she felt a small bit of relief knowing that Sully and John were on there way.

"Oh God," John exclaimed as he rounded the kitchen table which was the last obstacle in the hall before the kitchen. He quickly made his way across the room and dropped to his knees beside Ida pulling her against him.

"No, John. You'll get blood on ya," she warned him pushing back against his chest but that only made John hold on tighter. Everyone was at a loss for what to do but for the moment she seemed to calm a little with John holding her.

"Sorry," John whispered. "I didn't sleep much last night so must've slept in late this mornin'." He shook his head as he spoke as if he was disappointed in himself.

"Think we all did," Sully assured him laying a hand against his shoulder.

A knock at the back door caused them each to look up. From their position on the floor, they could just see the hair of what appeared to be a black child. Sully answered the knock after John prompted him to. It was indeed a child, a little girl standing there politely in a blue gingham dress. "Excuse me, sir," she said to Sully. "I's lookin' for Miss Ida. My momma done gonna have a baby. She sents me to get her."

Sully frowned and turned around to look at Ida who was clearly in no state to deliver a child. "Michaela?" he asked hesitantly at the same moment that John turned his eyes to her as well.

"I don't know," she said feeling her stomach clench. "I've only helped Ida once. Father has let me watch a couple of births but that's it." She turned and looked at John. "Do you think I could convince the town doctor to deliver the baby?"

"Ya could try but ain't gonna do no good. He'll tell ya straight up that he ain't about to help no black folk."

Michaela snorted in disgust as she shook her head. "I don't know," she said again. "I don't know that I can do this."

"I don't think ya got much of a choice," John replied. "Ya know a great deal more than Sully and me so that pretty much qualifies ya."

"I can't do this alone," she said quietly noticing that the young girl who stood behind Sully was beginning to look worried herself.

"Mama done said to hurry. That the baby comin' fast," she spoke up forcing Michaela to make a quick decision.

She went to the back door and grabbed Ida's bag off the hook. It had all the instruments she owned for midwifery; Michaela only hoped she wouldn't actually need any of them. Looking back at John and Ida, she spoke, "You have to come and bring Ida along. I might need her help."

"She ain't gonna be much help," John reminded her.

"She might be if the situation calls for it," Michaela argued. "Please I need her."

John nodded his head and helped Ida stand. She seemed somewhat lucid and Michaela only hoped she still would when they arrived at the birthing mother's house.

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The little girl had been right – things were progressing rather quickly with the labor and Michaela found herself already seated at the end of the bed expecting any moment for the baby to crown. John kept Ida in the next room with Sully sitting right at the door. The little girl, named Lily, carried messages back and forth. She didn't seem to be scared by her mother's screams which Michaela found utterly amazing as each new sound made her own heart pound.

"I want you to push," Michaela exclaimed as she squinted her eyes to see the head better. It was only then that she realized that she wasn't seeing a head at all. "Lily, I need Ida," she said calmly but the mother heard her and panicked.

"What's wrong?" she demanded trying hard to sit up.

"Lie still," Michaela told her. "Nothing's wrong. The baby is breech."

"What's that mean?" the mother asked.

"The baby is coming out bottom first rather than head first," Michaela explained trying to remain calm but even she was aware of the quiver in her voice.

"What is it?" she heard Sully ask as he stuck his head into the room momentarily. "Michaela, John's not sure she's up to this."

"The baby's breech. I need Ida."

It felt like it took an eternity but eventually the woman arrived at her side. Her hair was even more unkempt than earlier and her face some strange mixture of wildness but she seemed focused on what Michaela was telling her. Michaela was really hoping she would take over but she didn't. She left Michaela sitting in position but she began to instruct.

The left foot emerged first followed shortly thereafter by the right foot. "Push," Ida instructed the mother. "Push hard." She looked over at Michaela and saw the fear on her face. "It's gonna be alright. You're both doin' fine. Can ya see the cord?"

"Yes."

"Put your finger on it and tell me if it's pulsing."

"No," Michaela answered a tiny sob rising up in her throat threatening to choke her.

"We gots to get this baby out very soon," Ida said, her voice still icy calm.

"Next contraction you've got to push hard," Michaela directed the mom. The contraction came on quickly but it felt as if delivering the head was taking an eternity. Yet somehow Michaela held up through it and within moments she held a crying newborn in her arms. The look on her face was one of relief and joy as she passed the baby to Ida. "It's a boy," she announced looking back down at the sheets which seemed to be rapidly soaking with blood. "Ida," she said her eyes growing large.

Ida looked over and squinted. "Move," she instructed Michaela. Quickly the two changed places and while Michaela took the newborn to wash him off and wrap him up, Ida set to work on the mother which was nothing more serious than mending a tear that had occurred during birth. With tears of joy in her eyes, Michaela handed the baby to the mother who instantly put him to her breast. Lily climbed up on the bed, her eyes wide with excitement.

"You are a very brave girl, Lily," Michaela whispered to her as she gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Ida standing beside her. "She's not the only brave girl here," the older woman said, a weak smile forming at the corners of her mouth. Michaela leaned into her and wrapped her own arm around her. They stood like that for a while simply watching the miracle of life that they had each taken a part in.

Something happened there that night that neither would ever be able to put into words, though Michaela would often try. Ida came back from some distant nightmare to the real world. No longer would she look at her hands and see the blood of someone she had killed. Now she would look at those hands and see the blood of the many lives she had saved. The next weeks were still difficult as Ida dealt with the aftermath but there was no returning to that horrible place inside where she had been living since she had shot Thomas.

For Michaela, the birth had caused two desires to rise up within her. For the first time ever, she had seen herself giving birth to her own children – the children she would have with Sully. The insecurity of the past few weeks seemed to lift from her and she readily accepted the fact that Sully really did mean forever. The second thing was essentially the intensifying of a desire that she already knew was there; the desire to be a doctor continued to grow stronger within her as she marveled in what she had accomplished. She had done it – she had delivered a breech baby. Not alone but at the moment, that didn't matter. All that mattered is that she realized nothing was impossible for her.

As they rode home in the wagon that afternoon, Ida actually seemed more like her old self. She was animated and already discussing what she would fix them all for dinner. Michaela felt extremely exhausted and moved in close to Sully who was driving. She leaned her head against his shoulder. A feeling of contentment settled over her and she drifted off to sleep thinking about all the future held for them.

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_This is my first fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! _


	68. Chapter 68

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- eight**

**Boston – October 1, 1852**

Josef sat in his library looking out the window into the backyard. The trees appeared to be on fire with their bright fall colors proudly displayed. This was his favorite time of year and had been since the children were younger. There was nothing quite like playing with them in the backyard on a chilly autumn afternoon. The girls had always enjoyed raking the leaves up in large piles and then jumping in them. Usually Elizabeth objected to the rough and tumble play but she would never insist that they stop, knowing that Josef enjoyed this time with his daughters immensely. One by one his girls had all grown up and now even his baby was an adult. Shaking his head in a state of disbelief he questioned how the years had passed so quickly.

The sound of the library door opening made him turn and he saw Elizabeth standing in the doorway with a furrowed brow. Steeling himself for whatever was coming, he relaxed back in his chair trying to look as casual as possible. "Elizabeth… to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked almost mockingly.

Elizabeth cleared her throat disapprovingly and settled herself in a leather chair near his desk. "I was thinking about Michaela," she replied nonchalantly. Josef did not respond right away simply because he knew she wanted him to. He regarded her suspiciously wondering where exactly she was planning on leading this argument. "Have you heard from her recently?"

"We received a letter just yesterday." he answered raising one eyebrow in her direction. "Have you already forgotten?"

"No but I suppose I am wondering if we have any idea when she will be coming home."

"She said soon." His voice showed his irritation at her round about way of approaching this subject. When she didn't answer he looked up at her and sighed. "Elizabeth I know you want her to come home but I don't see any real hurry. She's taking the semester off from school so it's not like she's missing anything. With Thomas' death, there were a lot of emotional things to deal with I'm sure. She said Ida struggled with it. You know how Michaela is. She wouldn't leave until she was positive Ida was alright."

Elizabeth gave a slight nod of her head but her face did not soften any. "I know it's her property – essentially her house now but I don't think it's right that she is there without a chaperone."

"Ida and John are both there," Josef pointed out.

"Without a proper chaperone," Elizabeth amended her previous statement as Josef gave her a look of disgust.

"Why don't we say what this is really about instead of dancing all around it? I know it's bothering you terribly that Sully is there with her."

"I just think we need to be careful – that is all. She never had a proper coming out and now this David fellow keeps calling to inquire when she will return. If word was to get around that she had stayed in Maryland with Sully – well it would be scandalous Josef, I do hope you realize that. I wouldn't want anything to sully your excellent reputation as a physician."

Josef noticed her word choice in her last sentence and wrinkled his face up in displeasure. "Is that your concern? Or is your concern how you would look in front of all your friends, if you can even call them that."

"I'm not trying to start a fight about this. But I find it odd that Sully has not returned to Colorado."

Josef swallowed hard knowing that Elizabeth would be even unhappier with his decision to return to Boston. He had yet to tell her that when Michaela returned, Sully would be accompanying her. Given her current state of mind, he decided to hold off on revealing that piece of information for awhile yet. "I'm glad Sully has been there with Thomas lurking around."

"He's not lurking anymore," Elizabeth stated very matter of fact. "I think we should telegram her tomorrow and tell her she needs to come home."

"I won't," Josef said, his voice firm. "It's her decision when she wants to return."

Elizabeth gave a snort of disgust as she rose from her chair. Her mouth opened as if she was going to say something but it closed just as quickly. It was pointless to argue with Josef anymore about this. He knew where she stood and vice versa. They would never see eye to eye on this. Yet as she arrived at the door, she couldn't resist getting one more word in. "I hope you don't come to regret this." Her eyes lingered on Josef's for a moment longer and she could see that he was unwavering in his decision. Giving a light shake of her head, she left him alone.

Josef turned back to the window and sighed heavily. The truth was that he did want Mike to come home but not because he was worried about her and Sully. He simply missed her. He had become accustomed to her presence at the hospital and their shared camaraderie. Again his thoughts returned to Sully and he remembered the distance he had felt between himself and Mike when Sully had lived with them. He had always assumed that it was a natural part of adolescence but now he was beginning to wonder if that was true. Would Sully's return to Boston, bring a similar change to their relationship? Actually he secretly hoped the opposite would be true – that his strong bond with his daughter would foster a similar bond to develop between himself and Sully.

**------------------------------------------**

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 14, 1852 **

Fall arrived fast and furious turning the leaves to brilliant shades of color and bringing much cooler temperatures in the morning and at night. The days were still glorious and Michaela had never enjoyed herself more than the month following Thomas' shooting. There were no rules to observe or schedules to keep which everyone found appealing. Of course there were things that needed to be done but nothing felt like work. Michaela worked with Ida in the house and in the kitchen and it never felt forced or boring. Sully worked with John in the barn or on the boat enjoying every moment spent in John's company. There was plenty of laughter and even some tears, but even these were necessary and not one of them would have wished them away.

The afternoons Michaela and Sully usually spent with each other – out on the sailboat or walking the land that now belonged to Michaela. They had decided they wanted to see all of it for themselves before they returned to Boston. John offered to show them both how to ride but Sully had not warmed to the idea and so their adventures were carried out on foot. They liked to go down near the marshlands and watch the birds that had migrated to the bay for winter. Sitting patiently on the edge of the tree line, they would listen for the loud honks of the Canadian Geese or watch the beautiful mallard ducks in flight. Michaela was even happy to see that Sully had found an old sketch pad and had brought it along several times to draw pictures of the marsh or of the birds in flight.

During the tremendous amount of time they spent alone, they were both very careful to guard the physical side of their relationship. It was nothing to see them holding hands or sitting close together, as a matter of fact it was rare to see them not doing these things. Yet when they were alone, they limited their touches knowing how quickly things could get out of hand. Their kisses though frequent remained fairly innocent, which Sully did on purpose knowing Michaela wouldn't push the envelope if he didn't. It seemed to be enough to merely spend everyday in each other's company.

Both were often given to daydreaming. Sully's plan was now firmly established in his mind and he often found himself thinking about how Michaela would react when he finally carried it out. Michaela on the other hand fantasized about what it would be like once they returned to Boston. She had grand plans, forgetting about many of the things that would stand in their way.

When the day finally arrived on which they had decided to leave for home, there was a touch of sadness but mostly a kind of exhilaration of all that was to come in New York and Boston. Michaela knew they had been pressing their luck staying as long as they had and she could already imagine that Elizabeth would have much to say about her prolonged absence. It had been hard to decide when the right time to leave truly was though. The only thing to compare it to was like being woken up from a good dream that you anxiously wanted to continue at all costs. Yet knowing that they still had two days to spend together in New York made the dream last a little bit longer.

Ida and John both traveled with them on the trip to Baltimore, wanting to spend the few last moments with them before they set off. For them it would be harder and the next weeks would prove to be lonely ones as they adjusted to their absence.

"Now don't ya two be strangers. I'm expectin' ya both to write," Ida bossed in her own loveable manner as she stood on the dock with Michaela at her side.

Michaela smiled at her and nodded. "We will," she promised leaning in to hug the older woman. Sully stood a few feet away talking quietly with John which piqued her curiosity. Michaela strained her ears but she could hear nothing of what was being said.

"She's lookin' over here right now," John laughed. "Ya sure she don't suspect anythin'?"

"I don't think she knows," Sully affirmed. "Course I really shouldn't underestimate Michaela. Ya know how she gets when she thinks someone's keepin' something from her."

John laughed again. "True… ya sure ya want to do this?" he teased slapping Sully lightly on the back.

Sully laughed but then turned serious. "I ain't ever been more sure of anythin'."

"Ida is gonna kill me when she finds out that I knew before her so ya better send that telegram the minute she says yes."

"Ya mean if she says yes," Sully replied nervously.

"No I mean when she says yes," John corrected giving Sully a knowing look.

By this time, Michaela and Ida both had come within ear shot causing Sully and John to grow quiet, while looking up expectantly as the women approached. "Thank you both for being willing to stay on and take care of the property," Michaela said addressing both John and Ida.

"Wouldn't dream of leavin'," John replied taking his turn to hug Michaela. "Don't know what I'd do anyway if I wasn't doin' that." John let out a merry laugh that proved to be infectious.

"Please say y'all will visit," Ida added as she hugged Sully around the neck.

"Of course," he replied now turning his attention to John who hugged Sully as well. They all sensed that the time had come to finally separate but now all of them felt rather hesitant about it.

"Ya got that food I packed ya," Ida said directing them to the waiting carriage.

"Yeah," Sully replied holding up the food basket.

"And telegram when ya get there," she added as they climbed inside.

"I promise to," Michaela assured her as she settled into the seat. "I love you both."

"We love ya." Ida began to cry after this simple statement of their devotion and John quickly put his arm around her.

"Y'all go on," he instructed them when he saw the concerned look on their faces. "Ida just already missin' ya." Ida nodded in agreement as she buried her head on John's shoulder.

They all waved as the carriage pulled away and Michaela found herself sliding closer to Sully. He cut his eyes over at her when he felt her leg brush against the side of his. A lone tear slipped down her cheek and he quickly raised his hand to wipe it away. "Ya okay?"

"Yes," she replied smiling broadly. "It's odd because I feel sad for leaving Ida and John but I am so excited about our time in New York." She stopped here and considered Sully for a moment, her face wrinkling in concern. "You're excited about New York aren't you? I mean I know that is where your mother died?"

"I'm fine with New York and I'm looking forward to it myself," he assured her wrapping his arm protectively around her.

-----------------------------

Michaela secured the last hair pin in place and then stepped back to look at herself in the full length mirror. Her hand went up to her neck as she smiled, pleased with what she saw. Like a child before Christmas, she could barely contain her excitement as she impatiently waited for Sully to knock on her door. They were staying at one of the nicer hotels this time in separate rooms though right next door to one another. The train had arrived in New York in the morning and they had spent a leisurely day walking around and enjoying the sites. It never ceased to amaze Michaela how different New York was from Boston and she loved having her own personal tour guide in Sully.

Yet the greatest part of the day had simply been to hold his hand and not worry about what people were saying. Never had they been so open about their love but here in a bit city hey were only another face in the crowd. She felt as if she was living a sort of dream come true though she realized at the same time that this freedom would be over the minute the train pulled into Boston. Already she had laid out her black mourning dress, knowing that she would be expected by Elizabeth to be wearing it.

For now she wore a glorious red dress with a plunging neckline that fell off the shoulders. She smiled to herself, feeling slightly daring for even having it on but knowing that it would indeed please Sully. She had retired to the hotel earlier this afternoon to begin to get ready while he had mysteriously left to run some errand. Michaela had been curious but with the excitement over tonight, she had put the afternoon out of her mind.

A light knock upon the outer door caught her attention and she moved gracefully across the room sweeping the door open. Sully's breath caught in his throat as his eyes fixed on her form. There was never any denying that she was beautiful but tonight she was ravishing. He found it hard to look away from her. Michaela dropped her eyes demurely to the floor and raised them slowly to look at Sully who still stood gawking in the hall.

"Sully?" she asked quietly, wondering what he was thinking.

Sully gave a quick shake of his head and looked up at her face. "Sorry, ya just… I mean… you're beautiful… absolutely beautiful."

Michaela blushed at his comments as she turned to retrieve her evening wrap. "Would you help me?" Her voice was soft and airy drawing Sully into the room. Helping her get the wrap around her and adjusted only took a moment but Sully still stood behind her, with his arm wrapped securely between hers. Her hair was pinned up on her head in a series of cascading curls, leaving her neck bare. The sight was too enticing for Sully and he quickly dipped his head placing light kisses there. Michaela leaned back into him, moving her head to the side so that he could have better access. "Sully," she giggled as he hit a particularly sensitive spot."

"Hmm."

"I think we better go now," she whispered pulling away from him slightly.

Sully drew back and smiled. "Sorry I couldn't resist."

"I enjoyed it," she admitted moving in towards him to place one final kiss on his lips before they headed out the door into the night. With her arm wrapped through his, they made there way through the hotel lobby, both noticing the number of men who stopped and stared as they passed. Soon they stood outside as the doormen hailed a carriage to take them down to the theater.

"You appear to be very popular tonight," Sully teased.

"You aren't jealous, are you Mr. Sully?"

"Me?" Sully pointed to himself and smiled at her. "I never get jealous," he replied trying to keep a straight face. Michaela smiled at him as they made their way onto the carriage, sitting as close as Michaela's full skirt would allow.

Within minutes they had arrived at the theater and again Michaela attracted the gaze of several men much to their wives chagrin. Sully proudly walked through the throng of people, not because he viewed Michaela as some prize that he had won but simply because he loved the fact that everyone could tell they were together. Her arm linked through his, the secret smiles reserved for him, the way she turned her eyes up at him when he was teasing her or the way she snuggled up against him at every opportunity, whether she was cold or not. Michaela felt the same sort of emotions flooding through her own body and she couldn't help but make a show of being with Sully.

Sully never did recall what play they had seen that evening because he was too busy watching Michaela's reaction to everything that occurred on the stage. She sat slightly forward in her chair as a young child might and she would lean in further and further with the building tension. Her fingers were interlaced through Sully's the whole time and every few minutes she would give his hand a light squeeze. At the end she had stood and applauded along with everyone else, her face shining with the thrill of all she had seen.

The carriage ride home was over too soon for either of them and they trudged back towards Michaela's room rather reluctantly. As they stopped in front of her door, Michaela had taken the initiative to hug Sully to herself looking up into his crystal blue eyes. "I would invite you in but I don't think it's a good idea."

"No, me either," Sully agreed. "I wish I could trust myself to just talk to ya."

Michaela's face lit up as Sully spoke. "The balcony," she said. "You can sit on your balcony and I'll sit on mine. That way we can talk but there is still something separating us physically.

"Good idea," Sully said. "Just give me a moment to change." Michaela nodded and headed into her own room as Sully walked down the hall to his. Quickly she shed her dress choosing a more comfortable shirt and skirt to wear to sit outside. She pulled the pins out of her hair, letting it fall down her back in soft curls. Grabbing a blanket off the end of the bed, she stepped outside and looked over smiling, when she saw Sully.

"Ya still look beautiful," he said feeling his heart speed up a little at the sight of her.

"Thank you," she whispered as a light blush settled on her cheeks. Her eyes roamed over the city as she realized there were a lot more lights on than she was used to. "Does this city every sleep?" she asked.

"Not really," Sully told her emitting a soft laugh in the process. "The factories don't close so many people have to work at night."

Michaela settled back into a chair, her eyes fixed on Sully's form. "Tell me what it's like in Colorado," she said to him.

Sully wrinkled his brow. "What do ya wanna know? I mean ya get all my letters."

"Tell me what the night sky looks like before you fall asleep," she whispered smiling contentedly to herself.

"It ain't like here or Boston. Ain't no lights to drown out the stars. Guess it's kind of like Cambridge but not quite. The sky seems endless with a million tiny pinpoints of light dancing in it. Ya can see the outline of the mountains in the distance. The mountains are so big and so grand that you feel inspired just looking at them."

"It sounds beautiful," Michaela whispered her eyes closed as she listened to Sully's description.

"It is. I wanna take ya there someday."

"To Colorado?" Michaela asked with a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Of course to Colorado." He grew silent for a moment wondering if he should say his next thought or keep it to himself. "I want to live there with ya someday," he said his voice not much more than a whisper.

"To live?"

Sully breathed in deeply trying hard to figure out if she was upset or excited by the possibility. "I mean.. when you're a doctor and all. There are hardly any doctors out there. You would really be needed."

Michaela laughed. "I suppose that if the closest doctor is that far away, people might be willing to go to a woman if she was right in town."

"Right," Sully agreed. "Course they'd also be getting the finest doctor around."

"How can you say that Sully? I haven't even been accepted to medical school yet… I haven't even graduated from college yet."

"Ya will," Sully said with confidence.

Michaela shook her head. "Thanks for always believing in me. You really don't know what that means to me. I feel so scared sometimes like I am just wasting my time because no one is going to take me serious as a doctor."

"Michaela ya can do anythin' when you set your mind to it."

"No," Michaela corrected him. "I can do anything because you love me. That love is stronger than me alone."

Sully smiled even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Yes it is," he whispered. "Yes it is."

-------------------------------------------

**Bellvue Hospital, 1845**

"Hello… I brought you a blanket because well you looked cold," she smiled as the words tumbled out of her mouth. The boy finally looked at her. The first thing she noticed was that he was crying. Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks and his nose was dripping. The next thing she noticed was the color of his eyes. They were blue but not ordinary blue. They were the most brilliant blue she had ever seen. They reminded her of a picture she had once seen of the ocean in the tropics.

He reached out for the blanket and took it from her. Then he dropped his head and mumbled something that sounded like thank you as he unfolded the blanket and spread it over himself. Michaela pulled out her handkerchief and sat down beside him. "Here take this as well," she said slipping it into his hand. Their eyes met for a second time but this time neither turned away.

Her eyes were two different colors- one green and the other hazel – that was the first thing he noticed. They radiated such kindness that the first time he had looked into them he had been compelled to look away. It had been too much to bear at the moment. But now as he locked eyes with her for a second time, he felt almost as if he was drowning in that kindness. Time seemed to stand still while they stared at each other and the pain in his chest eased momentarily.

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**Bellvue Hospital, 1852**

"Why are we stopping here?" Michaela asked cocking her head to the side and looking up at the familiar building. "I thought we were going to your mother's grave."

"We are," Sully assured her, "but I wanted to come here first."

"Why?"

"For once could you not question everything," Sully replied with a wide grin on his face. Michaela pursed her lips together and nodded. Sully stepped from the carriage and turned back to offer her his hand. She saw the way his fingers were shaking and it made her even more curious as to what they were doing here. Placing her hand in his, she accepted his help down to the street and she stood to the side while he paid the driver. As he turned back towards her, he held his arm out and she quickly linked hers through his, snuggling close against him in a way she knew would soon be forbidden.

Why it hadn't occurred to her right off where they were and what this place meant would never make sense to her. Yet it was only as they entered the waiting area that she remembered. "Sully this is the hospital where I first met you," she exclaimed anxiously looking around.

"I know," he whispered, his voice quivering.

Michaela's eyes surveyed the room amazed at how alike things were to when she had last been here. It was as if this place had been frozen in time. The front reception area had more people waiting than the last time she was here but that didn't matter. As if it were yesterday, she looked down at the chairs and saw that scared little boy she had encountered so many years ago, crying his eyes out that. She looked at Sully expectantly, waiting for an explanation of why they had come to this place but his eyes remained focused on the chairs as they drew ever closer.

"Here," he said as they arrived and he held out his hand to her indicating that she should sit down. There was something definitely making him nervous but Michaela choked it up to being in this place that held so many bad memories for him. Sitting down in the wooden chair, she turned her face up to him and smiled.

"Are you okay?" she asked reaching out for his hand.

"I'll answer that in a minute," he replied letting out a nervous laugh. He took a deep breath and knelt down in front of her turning her hand in his so that it lay on top. "Seven years ago," he began as Michaela's eyes grew large. She was trying hard to concentrate on what he was saying but her mind was already racing with thoughts of what was to come. He stopped suddenly and looked at her. "Are ya listening?" he asked.

Michaela found words too hard to form at the moment so she simply nodded her head yes. His hands were clammy and warm sending tingles racing through her body. Focusing on his face, she disciplined herself to listen to what he was saying.

"Seven years ago my life changed forever. I ain't gotta tell ya how hard it was losin' my mother. She was my world. Yet if it hadn't been for that - would we have ever met? I was thinkin' about that the other day and I realized that sometimes ya can be grateful for the bad things that happen to ya." He paused here and slipped his other hand into the pocket of his jacket drawing out a black velvet lined box.

"I love ya, Michaela. I don't ever want ya to doubt that. From the first time I met ya, I knew there was somthin' about ya. I'll never forget the tears ya cried when ya sat with me. I'll never forget how ya put your arm around me and comforted me. That was the first time I felt it and even now I can't put into words what happens when I'm with ya. I don't ever want ya to have a reason to doubt how much I love ya. I don't want you to ever doubt that my love is forever. And so…"

He looked up at her as he opened the box, thrusting it toward her with his free hand. There were already tears forming in her eyes which slightly scared him. He was fairly certain they were tears of joy but a small part of him feared that maybe he was wrong. "Michaela Anne Quinn," he said in his most proper voice. "Will you marry me?"

Michaela heard the words, she saw the ring but still her mouth seemed unable to open. Her eyes roamed quickly around the room as she prayed this wasn't merely a dream. Squeezing his hand in her own, she realized it was real flesh beneath her fingertips. It was really Sully in front of her on one knee asking her to be his wife. The lump in her throat seemed to melt suddenly and as the first tear fell from her eye, she smiled broadly. "Yes," she whispered barely nodding her head.

The voices of those around her came rushing in carrying murmurs of "What did she say?" and "Did she just say yes?"

"Yes," she repeated again, this time much louder. Sully had heard the first yes though and his heart had finally relaxed. Quickly he stood and pulled her up with him, wasting no time in wrapping his arms fully around her.

"I'm so happy," he whispered bringing one hand up to cup her cheek. "Ya make me so happy." Slowly he leaned into her, their lips meeting in a first tentative kiss. Pulling back, he smiled down at her, both forgetting momentarily that they were surrounded by a captive audience. Turning his head to the side, Sully dipped towards her once more, placing a firm kiss to the area just above her top lip. Michaela's lips parted slightly so that when Sully kissed her again, she found her bottom lip sandwiched in between his. The sensation was incredible. His tongue brushing along her bottom lip encouraged her to open her mouth wider inviting him in. Her hands tangled now in his hair unwilling to let him go until he had really kissed her. Again his tongue caressed her lips, ensuring she was ready for this. When she neither clamped her lips shut or pulled away, Sully couldn't help but explore her mouth with his tongue. The electric in the air was palpable to those sitting and watching this young couple who were so obviously in love. Michaela's tongue followed his lead, dancing with his in a timeless rhythm. Forgetting to breathe, she pushed into him feeling suddenly as if she might pass out. When they parted, they were both gasping for breath. It was only then that they each remembered the large amount of people staring at them and broke apart.

Sully fumbled in his pocket for the ring. He had deposited it there shortly before the kiss but he now wanted her to wear it. Eagerly, Michaela held out her hand and noticed that like Sully's it was shaking. She steadied it with her other hand as Sully slid the ring on her finger, stepping back to admire it. Michaela blushed with the excitement of the moment as she found herself lost in Sully's eyes. She didn't notice the majority of people who were whispering about them or giving them disapproving glances.

"I remember the first time I saw your eyes," she whispered as their fingers intertwined.

"It was too much," he whispered. "I wanted to stare into 'em forever…"

"…and look away all at the same moment," she finished as the mere thought of the experience sent shivers down her spine.


	69. Chapter 69

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Sixty- nine**

**New York - October 16, 1852**

Michaela could not stop smiling as they took a carriage across town towards the small church where Sully's mother was buried. She also occasionally held her hand up to admire the ring there. The setting was beautiful and the diamond shone brilliantly in the afternoon autumn sun.

"Ya tryin' to blind me," Sully teased as she raised it once more. Michaela wrinkled her nose up at him but continued to hold her hand up. "You do like it?" he asked suddenly, wondering what she was thinking.

"I love it," she returned. "I just can't get used to it being there. Every time I look down, I feel like I am looking at someone else's hand."

Sully laughed. "Well you might not want to get used to it, unless we're prepared to tell Josef and Elizabeth." Immediately, Michaela's face dropped and her brow wrinkled in thought.

"Not yet," she whispered. "We can't tell them that we're engaged – they don't even know that we were courting."

"Is that what we were doin'?" Sully laughed.

"I suppose it is hard to officially court someone when you live that far away from each other," Michaela agreed. "No, we need to ease into this. Maybe once we get back and you get settled, we can get them used to the idea."

"How do ya propose we do that?"

"You could start bringing me gifts," Michaela replied smiling up at him mischievously.

"And the gifts are supposed to let your parents know that we like each other or ya just lookin' to get some gifts?"

"No, that's what you do when you're courting. You bring each other things."

"What else?" Sully asked as his mouth began to turn up on the ends.

Michaela shrugged. "Normally you would call on me and we would talk, take walks and things like that. We would have you over for dinner or I would go to your house…" Michaela's voice trailed off as she realized this was going to have to be done much more non-traditionally.

"I ain't gonna live with ya the whole time. I hope once I get a job to find somewhere to stay," Sully explained. "Then I can call on ya and have dinner with ya. Though I doubt Elizabeth is gonna let ya have dinner with me."

"Probably not," Michaela agreed giving him a little wink. "But I still want to wear this ring." Sully cut his eyes over at her. "I'll wear it on a chain around my neck."

"Good idea." Sully smiled widely and wrapped his arm around her.

"Sully," she scolded though she didn't slide away from him.

"What?"

"We can't go around touching each other whenever we want to. I still can't believe I kissed you like that in front of all those people." Her face turned scarlet as she dropped her eyes to her lap. "What they must think of me?"

Sully instantly felt bad for allowing that kiss to happen. "Sorry, Michaela." His voice was tender as he spoke. "To tell ya the truth, I forgot where we were."

"I did too," she admitted looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "It isn't your fault. I could have pulled away."

Sully leaned in next to her ear. "I'm glad you didn't," he whispered and then placed a light kiss there. When he drew back, he took his arm from around her and slid over in the carriage. Michaela smiled over at him thinking that he looked like a little boy who had been caught acting naughty. She reached across the short distance that separated them and took his hand in her own as this time she slid closer. Sully raised his eyebrows at her questioningly

"Well, we are engaged," she laughed as Sully shook his head at her.

"Why can't ya girls ever make up your mind?"

"Are you saying I'm indecisive Mr. Sully?" Michaela scowled in an attempt to make him think she was mad. Sully didn't buy it though and brought his free hand over to tickle her side. "I made up my mind fairly quickly when you asked me to marry you."

"True," Sully conceded. "John said you would say yes right away."

"John knows?" Michaela asked in surprise. Sully nodded his head. "Ida too?"

"No and we have to telegram and tell 'em. John said to do it as soon as I asked ya but I figure it can wait til we get back to the hotel."

Michaela nodded. "Ida isn't going to like the fact that John knew and she didn't."

"That's what John said," Sully informed her and they both laughed.

Michaela held her hand out once more and looked down at the ring. "I'm engaged," she said aloud, her voice almost squealing with delight. "I'm going to be married," she reiterated. She turned and looked at Sully. "I'll be Mrs. Michaela Sully."

"No, you'll be Dr. Michaela Sully," he corrected her.

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**Boston – 1866**

Michaela anxiously bit her bottom lip as she stood in the doorway looking across at Sully. His back was towards her but she could tell from the way he stood that he was still angry. She knew that the best thing would be to leave it alone for right now but that part of her that wanted everything to be okay simply took over. Decisively she walked into the room, hoping he would turn around to face her. When he didn't, she swallowed hard and decided to approach him. She laid one hand gently on his shoulder and quietly said, "Sully?"

"I don't wanna talk about it right now," he whispered trying hard to control his own emotions that were threatening to spiral out of control.

"But you haven't even heard me out. How can you make up your mind without hearing my side of this?'

Sully spun around to face her then and she saw the anger in his eyes. She wasn't scared of that anger but still she backed off a few paces trying to give him some space. "Yeah, make sure ya get your side out there Michaela. What about my side? Do ya even care about my side?"

"Of course I do," Michaela tried to assure him.

"Well ya sure gotta a funny way of showin' it."

Michaela took a deep breath. "It's just that I am kind of attached to Dr. Michaela Quinn."

"I remember a time ya couldn't wait to be Dr. Michaela Sully," Sully returned looking at her accusingly.

"Things were different then," she whispered dropping her head and sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. "We were different then," she added. "You said it yourself – we can't keep living in the past of what our relationship was. We have to build it anew in the present." Sully continued to remain stone faced as Michaela's words sunk in. "Maybe we rushed into all of this," she whispered nervously twisting the ring on her finger.

Sully took a staggering breath and shook his head. Quickly, he closed the distance between them and pulled her into his embrace. "How can ya say that?" he asked tenderly, the anger having dissipated in a matter of seconds.

"Four years is a long time to be separated. It isn't even like we kept in touch. We changed – both of us."

"Are ya sayin' ya don't want to marry me?" Sully asked dropping his hands from around her.

"No," she said adamantly. "I've never wanted anything more in my whole life."

"I don't understand then," Sully replied.

Michaela shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "I don't know what it is. Maybe it's being back here in Boston." Sully gulped, her tears instantly melting his resolve.

"Listen if not changing your name is that important to ya – that's fine. I always thought it would be weird to introduce myself as Sully and ya as Dr. Sully."

Michaela laughed as she nodded her head. Slowly she moved over to him and buried her head against his chest. "I don't want to wait. It doesn't matter anymore. He isn't going to accept us no matter what I do. Let's just get married the minute we return to Colorado."

"Are ya sure?"

Michaela looked up at him and nodded her head. "Positive."

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**New York - October 16, 1852**

Michaela tried to stand back and give Sully some room when they arrived in the small graveyard where Sully's mother was buried. Yet Sully pushed her forward, urging her to come with him. As they stood in front of the small tombstone, Michaela felt out of place like an intruder but Sully took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze.

"Ma," he said speaking towards the sky. "I want ya to meet someone. Her name is Michaela and I asked her today to be my wife." He paused here and looked back at Michaela who smiled at him as she realized why he had wanted her to come with him.

"And I said yes," Michaela added her eyes fixed on Sully's.

"Ya would love her ma. She has that same passion ya had before pa died." His voice cracked and he paused to collect himself before speaking again. "I love her ma. When ya died, I didn't know how to go on. I didn't know what to do. I missed ya so much. Michaela was my friend, ma – my best friend. She helped me just by bein' my friend."

Michaela took a step closer to Sully and used her hand to wipe the solitary tear that was descending his cheek. She laid her head against his shoulder waiting for him to continue.

"I love her ma." Sully looked at Michaela as he said this, his mouth breaking into a smile. He suddenly remembered the flowers he held tightly clutched in his other hand and he stooped down to lay them on the grave. The bright yellow of the flowers stood out sharply against the dull little grave. An idea suddenly occurred to Michaela as she noticed the contrast.

"Sully before we leave tomorrow, let's come back and plant some flowers. It looks so dreary. I have a feeling your mother would like some bright colors."

Sully's eyes met Michaela's and she could see the gratefulness contained there. "She would," he agreed. "Thank you."

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**Boston – October 16, 1852**

Marjorie heard the doorbell ring and wondered who might be visiting her. She wasn't expecting anyone today. It had been almost a month since she had lost her baby and she still privately grieved that loss. Part of that grieving was keeping herself squirreled away from the public eye. Everett was starting to get a little frustrated with her unwillingness to go out in public but he tried to control his anger for which Marjorie was grateful. He hadn't even yelled at her once since they had lost the baby. Yet he also hadn't tried to be intimate with her though the doctor had said it was okay. Not that Marjorie was feeling up to it but she had begun to suspect that on the nights that he was working late, he might be getting his desires met elsewhere.

"She'll see me," a voice called distinctly. Marjorie recognized it as her mother's voice and she rose to step towards her office door.

"Ben, it's fine," she said sticking her head out the door to see that the butler was in fact trying to bar Elizabeth's way.

"Yes m'am," he said giving a nod of his head and stepping to the side. "Sorry, Mrs. Quinn."

"It's okay, Ben." Elizabeth waved him away with her hand. "I am sure you were only following orders from my tragic daughter."

Ben suppressed a giggle as he walked off towards the kitchen. He agreed whole-heartedly with Elizabeth's pronouncement. He also thought it was time for Marjorie to stop moping around the house and he hoped her mother might be able to help her see that.

"Mother," Marjorie said with annoyance in her voice. "It's nice to see you."

Elizabeth gave her a knowing look. "No I don't think you mean that but I already knew that when I decided to come." She pushed past Marjorie and made her way into the small room that Marjorie used for an office of sorts. She sat down in a wingback chair near the fire and turned towards Marjorie. "Why don't you ring for some tea dear? The temperature has already turned quite bitter and I could use a little warming up."

Marjorie sighed but complied with her mother's wishes, ringing the bell that brought the kitchen maid scurrying.

"Yes, Mrs. Marjorie," the young girl said timidly as she stepped into the room.

"We'll have tea now." The young girl nodded her head and rushed from the room.

"She's a timid little thing," Elizabeth remarked as Marjorie joined her near the fire.

"I suppose. Good help is hard to find."

"Yes, you're right," Elizabeth agreed. "Thank goodness that Fiona and Harrison are so reliable." Marjorie nodded and then turned her head to watch the flames as they licked at a piece of new wood. "Marjorie you can't pout forever." Elizabeth's voice was sharp cutting the air.

"I'm not pouting, mother. I lost a child remember."

"You aren't the first woman this has happened to," Elizabeth replied matter of fact.

Marjorie shook her head. Yes, but most women didn't lose their child at the hand of their husbands. A jolt of anger shot through her suddenly and her voice was full of venom as she replied to Elizabeth. "There isn't a limit on mourning, mother. You can't just waltz in here and tell me that I should stop feeling a certain way. Do you think I enjoy feeling sad?"

"No but I do think you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself." Marjorie glared at her mother wondering how she could sometimes be so cold and cutting. "I know you think I'm being callous. I lost two children between Rebecca and Claudette. I know what this feels like. The first one I lost fairly early on like you did. The second, I carried almost full term. It was a little boy. The cord wrapped around his neck and he was stillborn."

"I didn't know," Marjorie whispered dropping her eyes back to the fireplace, unwilling to look at her mother.

"The nursery was all set up for him. When I went into labor a little early, Josef said everything would be fine but I knew even then something was wrong. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt him move and when Josef put the stethoscope to my abdomen…" Her voice trailed off as her face contorted. "I know what it's like," she whispered.

A ghastly silence filled the room as each woman felt locked within their own pain for a moment. Yet at the same time, they clearly saw each other's pain and it did help to ease their own ache some small amount. Neither looked at each other as both waited for the other to speak. The door opening caused them to turn quickly, wondering who was disturbing this moment. The kitchen maid entered quietly and set down the tray. She pulled out the nesting tables, bringing one to Elizabeth and one to Marjorie. Quickly she poured the tea and passed out plates holding the pastries left over from breakfast.

"Will that be all m'am?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Marjorie whispered as the young girl quickly disappeared. She looked down at her teacup and picked it up in both hands, letting the warmth seep from the delicate china into her fingers which had suddenly grown cold. "What do I do mother?" she asked her eyes never moving from the fire as she spoke.

Elizabeth swallowed her own sip of tea and looked over at Marjorie. "You get back to normal. I'm not saying it will be easy but you have to press on with life. Follow your routine each day even when you don't feel like it. Make yourself go out each day as well, even if it's only to visit me or one of your sisters. Trust me it will help immensely."

Marjorie nodded. "I have thought about it. It seems hard though."

"It is. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it will be easy because it won't be."

"I just keep thinking about what he might have been like. I can't seem to stop myself." Marjorie broke down as this last sentence tumbled out. Elizabeth set down her teacup and moved over to Marjorie kneeling down at her side and gently caressing her shoulder. Finally, Marjorie looked at her mother and found an understanding in her eyes that she didn't expect to be there.

"You have to change the way that you think about things," Elizabeth gently soothed her. "Instead of dwelling on everything you're missing, start thinking about what your baby gained." Marjorie wrinkled her brow in confusion as she looked at her mother questioningly. "He's in heaven now. He escaped all the pain of this world and went to be with God."

"But the church teaches that unbaptized babies don't go to heaven," Marjorie managed to choke out.

"I think they're wrong," Elizabeth said with confidence. "I don't believe God would do that. When my baby boy died, I woke up one day and I had such a peace that I would see him again in heaven."

Marjorie gave her mother a weak smile. "I'll see him again?"

"Yes," Elizabeth whispered. For another few minutes they sat there holding onto each other's hands, neither one speaking. Both were again absorbed in their own thoughts. After a little bit, Elizabeth rose and returned to her chair, once again picking up her tea. "Michaela comes home the day after tomorrow," she stated. "Maybe you would like to come with us to the train station."

Marjorie looked over at her. "I don't know."

"It would help you to get out of the house," Elizabeth reminded her.

Marjorie nodded her head. "Okay," she said weakly. "I'll come. Is Sully coming back with her?"

"Lord, no," Elizabeth almost laughed but then turned serious. "Why would you ask that, Marjorie?"

"No reason," Marjorie answered quickly dropping her eyes to her own teacup. "I just thought that since he was still in Maryland, he might be planning on coming back to Boston."

"If he is, then it's news to me. As far as I know, he's planning on going back to Colorado. Really it's for the best. I don't even want to think about how close Michaela is with him."

Marjorie swallowed hard. "He isn't a bad person, mother."

"I'm not saying he is. But being a good person doesn't make you suitable marriage material. He's not someone like Everett."

A deep sigh escaped Marjorie's lips. That was true, he was nothing like Everett. Sully would never even think of raising a hand to hurt Michaela. Sully would never get angry over the things that made Everett angry. Sully would never seek comfort in another woman's arms. "No, he's not like Everett," Marjorie repeated.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

**New York **

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of a large jewelry store that Michaela instantly recognized as one they had passed the day before when they were walking around. The name at the top read Tiffany and Young Jewelers. Sully jumped down from the carriage and then turned to assist Michaela down. "You bought the ring here?" she asked. Michaela hadn't thought much about Sully buying the ring but it now occurred to her that this wasn't exactly a cheap purchase.

"Yeah," Sully answered giving her a questioning look. "I have money you know. Remember ya ain't the only one who got an inheritance from Anna's will."

"Right," Michaela said giving a little shake of her head. Sully turned to pay the carriage driver and then took her hand in his as they set off for the door. Once inside, Michaela couldn't help but smile at the neat little cases each holding their wares. Gold and silver peeked out from all directions accented with diamonds, rubies and emeralds.

"May I help you?" a man behind the counter asked and Sully immediately stepped over to him. A look of recognition flashed across the gentleman's face. "I assume she said yes," he said, a wide grin settling on his face.

Sully nodded. "Mr. Young, I would like to introduce you to my fiancé, Michaela Quinn."

"How do you do?" Mr. Young replied taking Michaela's free hand in his own and bowing low over it. He continued to hold onto her hand to observe the ring. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked looking up at her.

"Very beautiful," she replied.

"Does it not fit?" He hastily dropped her hand when he realized how long he had been holding it.

"It fits," Sully replied. "We wanted a necklace – something plain and simple but very long."

Mr. Young gave them a confused look but knew it was best not to pry. He showed them to a case with different length gold chains. Michaela tried a couple on but finally settled on one that would allow the ring to hang low enough to not be seen. The price was expensive and Michaela realized that Sully had spared no expense on the ring either. As they slipped out of the store, she laced her arm through Sully's cuddling in next to him.

"You didn't have to spend so much money on my ring," she whispered.

"I wanted to," he assured her. "And anytime you start getting doubts about how I feel about ya, just look at that ring."

Michaela wrinkled her nose up and smiled. "Thank you," she whispered turning her eyes straight ahead as they walked along the street. Sully smiled as well, content with the change he had seen wrought in Michaela since early this morning. The confidence and fire that he loved in her was showing and he couldn't help but feel pleased. "Where are we going?" she asked realizing Sully was definitely directing them.

"Thought we'd go to the art museum." He looked over at her to see if that was agreeable.

"That would be nice," she answered demurely. "And later?"

"You enjoyed that play last night. Thought we'd go see one of those opera things."

Michaela's face lit up. "You're going to take me to the opera?"

"If ya didn't want to go, that's fine," Sully teased.

She hit him playfully on the arm. "Of course I want to go."

"Good cause I already bought the tickets."

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**October 18, 1852**

The train chugged on through the New England countryside as Michaela grew more and more restless. With each passing mile they drew closer to Boston and closer to the end of this glorious time alone. Her head rested in Sully's lap as they rode along. Sully absentmindedly ran his hands through her hair which she had left down just for him, knowing that would be the first thing Elizabeth would disapprove of. Her mind raced with their time in New York. They had enjoyed an afternoon spent at the art museum yet it was nothing compare to the excitement of being at the opera. The night had grown cold and it had given Michaela an excuse to huddle next to him as they had ridden in the carriage towards the opera house. To her the whole night had felt magical and she had savored every moment wishing it could have continued forever.

Yesterday morning they had gone back to the grave and planted flowers before returning to the hotel and packing to leave on the afternoon train bound for Boston. This morning Michaela had changed into the stiff black taffeta dress readying herself for their arrival in Boston. It felt oppressive to her and she continually pulled at the collar.

"You're worse than a kid," Sully chastised as she rearranged her body on the seat for the hundredth time.

"Sorry," she grinned sheepishly. "I can't seem to get comfortable."

"It's this dress," Sully explained. "It's so stiff."

Michaela nodded as she looked up at him. "Guess I have to take this ring off soon." Sully covered her hand with his and brought it to his lips, placing a firm kiss to her knuckle.

"You're not exactly takin' it off. Just changin' locations." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Michaela giggled as she sat up so she could face him. "What's so funny?"

"Whenever you kiss me on my forehead, it makes me think of my father. He's always kissed me there since I was a little girl."

"So you don't like it when I kiss ya there?" Sully asked.

"Oh…no… nothing like that. I just meant that when my father kisses me there, it makes me feel loved and when you kiss me there…. it's just different that's all." She blushed but her eyes still held Sully's in their gaze.

"Ya don't feel loved when I kiss ya there?" Sully asked teasingly loving the way she became so flustered.

Michaela rolled her eyes. "I know what you're doing."

"I'm not doin' anything," Sully defended acting as if he was hurt.

"Right," Michaela said sarcastically as Sully began to laugh. She lifted her left hand and smiled down at her ring before moving to take it off. Sully stood up and pulled down her bag knowing that she had slipped the necklace into it earlier. After retrieving it, he returned to the seat and help up one end for Michaela to slip the ring onto. "Thank you," she said simply as she watched the ring slide down the chain's length to hang in the middle.

"Turn around," Sully instructed her and she did. He slipped the necklace around her neck and pushed her hair to the side so that he could clasp it. Letting his fingers linger there a moment longer, he eagerly leaned into her and kissed the back of her neck. The kiss sent shivers up and down Michaela's spine and she barely noticed as Sully's hand came around to the front to undo the buttons at the top of her dress.

She leaned back into him as he continued to trail light kisses on the sides of her neck and up to her jaw line. Only when she felt his fingers on the bare skin of her chest did she tense. "What are you doing?" she asked, her tone inquiring not accusatory in any way.

Sully smiled as he picked the ring up and tucked it in the front of her dress so that it was hidden from sight. "Tryin' to be helpful," he replied. Michaela turned around to face him as she slipped her tongue out to moisten her lips. Sully felt his heart begin to race as he watched her tongue trace the perimeter of her lips but he leaned back against the train instead of moving towards her. Michaela looked at him invitingly wondering why he hadn't come closer. Raising her hand to his face, she traced the contours of his lips softly with her middle finger.

That was Sully's undoing and he now closed the distance between them hastily. There was no first tentative kiss but only heated passionate ones. Their mouths instinctively opened to one another and their tongues got caught up in the passion of the moment. Sully continued to lean into her and before either realized it, she had fallen backwards onto the train seat with Sully nearly on top of her. Michaela felt rather wanton with the top of her dress undone and Sully's tongue massaging her own, but at the moment she didn't care. She knew times like this would be few and far between in Boston and she planned to take full advantage of these last moments together.

Sully was very aware of how quickly things were escalating but like Michaela he couldn't seem to get enough of her at the moment. He had purposefully tangled his hands in her hair to keep them from wandering somewhere they shouldn't. Michaela's hands pushed on his chest and he moved back enough to break the kiss. She was panting to catch her breath and he started to move off of her but her arms wrapped around his back holding him still. "I only needed to catch my breath, don't go."

Sully returned to his former position and began to place light kisses to her neck. She arched her head back, closing her eyes as she felt his tongue slip out to taste her skin. He went daringly lower, placing another kiss right above the button on her dress. Raising his head, he placed a trail of kisses back up her neck to her earlobe, which he gently drew into his mouth. When she felt his lips close over it, she gasped in pleasure, her own hands moving up and down his back. By now Michaela had caught her breath so that when Sully raised his head once more, she eagerly lifted her own head to kiss him. Again things became heated as their lips devoured one another. Suddenly a jolt of the train caused them to fall into the floor. Sully rolled over to the side as they both lay there splayed out and laughing.

"Looks like someone knew we were gettin' carried away," Sully remarked as he sat up. Michaela sighed contentedly still laying there. Sully stood and offered her his hands, pulling Michaela to her feet. Michaela could see out the window behind him and she realized the jolt had come because they were slowing for their approach to Boston.

"We're almost there," she pointed out.

"So we are." Sully looked down and noticed the top of her dress was still unbuttoned. His fingers moved up to button them for her. Michaela smiled as she watched him.

"Your lips are all red," she remarked tracing them once more with her thumb. "Are mine?"

"Umm-hmm," Sully laughed raising his thumb to brush over her kiss swollen lips as well.

Michaela moved away from Sully. "I need powder," she said as she began to rifle through her bag. Finally she found what she was looking for and blotted the area around her lips with the light translucent substance. "Want some?" she asked Sully teasingly.

"That's okay," he said giving a shake of his head. She giggled. "Your neck too," Sully pointed out sheepishly amazed at what his lips and tongue had done to her. She applied more powder to her neck and then had Sully help her brush off the excess that had fallen onto her dress. Sully's hand wandered down and found the ring hidden under the fabric. "It's kind of fun havin' a secret," he whispered.

"Yes it is," Michaela returned, her stomach clenching as they pulled into the station.


	70. Chapter 70

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy**

**Boston - October 18, 1852**

The sun had risen high over Boston, reflecting off the golden leaves and warming the chilly air. The platform at the depot was busy and many people eagerly watched as the train lurched forward once more before it came to a complete halt. Inside their compartment, Sully stood and turned to look at Michaela offering her his hand. Taking a deep breath, she accepted it and brushed against him as she rose from her seat. Sully couldn't resist one last chance to pull her close and place a light kiss to her lips. Michaela smiled as he drew back but she held on tightly not yet letting him move away from her.

"Why does it feel like I'm saying good-bye to you?" she asked her face turned up toward his.

"Ya ain't sayin' good-bye to me. We just have to keep things more reserved now."

Michaela sighed loudly as she dropped her arms from around him. "This is going to be hard after the past month."

Sully laughed. "Can't keep your hands off me, can ya?" he teased as he reached over and tickled her side.

"Sully," she scolded as a light blush crept across her cheeks. She turned to pull her bag down from the overhead rack and Sully wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her back against his chest.

"Okay, it's me who can't keep my hands off ya," he admitted as he buried his nose deep in her hair, inhaling the comforting scent he found there.

"They'll be wondering where we are," Michaela whispered relaxing back against him and casually leaning her head to the side as encouragement for Sully to place kisses to her neck. Sully noticed her eagerness and wasted no time in placing his lips against her creamy skin. He made sure the kisses were light so as not to leave the red blotches he had left earlier. Noise in the corridor finally broke them apart as Michaela once again reached up to pull down her bag.

"I'll get it," Sully said reaching past her and hooking his hand around the strap.

"Thank you." Michaela started for the door of the compartment. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled at Sully wishing she could stay hidden away with him for the rest of the day. Michaela led the way off the train as Sully moved a little slower weighed down by the two bags.

Josef was growing more and more nervous as the passengers began to descend from the train. It had seemed like such a good idea at first to simply spring Sully's return to Boston on Elizabeth. After all that was how he had handled Sully staying in Maryland and that had worked out okay. Yet already he sensed that Elizabeth wasn't going to be happy about this. Still he told himself, what could she do once he was here? Twisting his hands, his eyes searched the faces hoping things wouldn't be so bad when she found out.

Elizabeth stood next to him with Marjorie and Rebecca close by. They had made a morning of coming to the train station together to try and help Marjorie to get out of the house. Rebecca held Emily's hand in her own as the little girl tried her best to hide behind her mother's skirt.

Michaela stepped from the train as her eyes roamed over the people who waited on the platform. The blue of Elizabeth's dress caught her eye and she stopped to look back at Sully who was still a few paces behind her.

"There she is," Elizabeth said pointing over at Michaela.

"Where?" Marjorie asked leaning in towards her mother as she also caught a glimpse of her. "Her hair," she gasped as if it was totally shocking for her to wear it down.

Elizabeth shook her head. "At least she's still wearing her mourning clothes," she replied under her breath.

"It's Sully," Emily squealed in delight suddenly letting go of her mother's hand and running towards the two approaching figures.

"Sully?" Elizabeth exclaimed her eyes searching to see what the little girl had seen.

"Emily," Rebecca called but the little girl had already reached Michaela and Sully.

Elizabeth turned to focus on Josef, her eyes large with surprise. She could see the guilt written all over his face. Clenching her fists in anger, she turned her body towards him. "You knew he was coming back with her, didn't you?"

Josef nodded his head but firmly set his jaw. He had done nothing wrong and he wasn't going to act like he had. "They wired me a few days ago."

"And I suppose it simply slipped your mind," Elizabeth returned her eyes flashing fire while her voice was full of venom.

"Do you know what Elizabeth? The world doesn't revolve around your wishes and desires. Sully expressed an interest in returning with Michaela to Boston. I encouraged him to return to Boston. Whether or not you want him here is a mute point as far as I am concerned." All of this was said in hushed tones but he managed to convey his own anger even so.

"We'll talk about this later," she declared through gritted teeth turning to welcome her daughter home.

"Michaela," she gushed as if nothing was wrong.

"Mother," Michaela returned leaning into give her mother a hug which was quite difficult considering now she was holding Emily. Rebecca took her back, scolding her for running off like that. Emily was making faces at Sully while completely ignoring her mother.

"Sully, I'm so glad you decided to return with Michaela," Josef said giving him a hearty pat on the back. "Here let me take one of those." He held out his hand and Sully passed him Michaela's bag.

"Thanks," he replied warmly. "I'm glad I decided to come back as well."

"Sully," Elizabeth greeted him. Sully heard the coolness of her voice but pretended as if he didn't.

"It's good to see you, Elizabeth." He leaned in with his free hand and hugged her rather stiffly.

"Sully," Emily clamored already pulling away from Rebecca again. Sully squatted down and held out his free arm. Emily bounded over to him and he quickly picked her up holding her small body tight to his own.

"Are you sure, Sully?" Rebecca asked. "Don't feel like you have to carry her."

"It's fine, "Sully assured Rebecca. "'Course now I can't hug ya or Marjorie."

"It's nice to see you Sully," Marjorie said lightly patting him on his shoulder. "And you too Michaela." She turned towards her and they hugged each other briefly.

"Anne isn't going to like this," Rebecca commented as they all started for the exit. "And somehow I don't think Emily is going to stay quiet about it." She gave a slight shake of her head.

"I'm gonna be stayin'," Sully informed her as he cut his eyes over to Michaela who had linked her arm through Rebecca's. "So I'm sure I'll get to see her." Michaela smiled at him but then turned away abruptly in case anyone was watching.

---------------------------------------------

Michaela had just finished putting the last of her jewelry away when a knock came to the door. With a quick glance in the mirror she called "Come in." Turning towards the door, she smiled broadly expecting to see Sully but was surprised to find Elizabeth stood there instead. "Mother?"

Elizabeth swept across the room, the stiffness of her own black taffeta dress rustling as she walked. She stopped behind Michaela who still sat half-turned in her vanity chair. "Let's do something with your hair," she said sweetly.

"Why?" Michaela asked.

"You have a gentleman caller downstairs."

"David?" Michaela's voice held a touch of annoyance and she grimaced at the thought that he would show up on the day she had arrived home. It all seemed rather contrived to her and she cast a suspicious glance at her mother.

"Yes," Elizabeth replied as she grabbed the brush off Michaela's vanity and began to brush out her hair.

"I'm in mourning," Michaela reminded Elizabeth. "Women aren't to receive callers when they are in mourning."

Elizabeth did not speak for a moment but continued to brush out Michaela's hair. When she was done, she set the brush back on the vanity and sighed. "It's not like your husband or fiancé died. You're mourning your grandmother. It will be fine to visit with David."

Now it was Michaela's turn to sigh. "I don't like David, mother," she stated very matter of fact.

"Do you like Sully?" Elizabeth asked, slipping his name in quickly almost hoping to trick Michaela into giving something away.

"As a friend," Michaela lied.

"Why did Sully come back to Boston with you?"

"It's not necessarily that he came back with me. He simply returned to Boston." Michaela stood quickly now and walked over to stand near the bed with her back towards her mother. "Father encouraged him to return. Sully doesn't even plan on staying here. Once he finds a job, he hopes to rent a place to live."

"Michaela," Elizabeth said her name with a gentleness that Michaela rarely heard. "I know how affairs of the heart work. It's very easy for our feelings to get away from us. You've been spending large amounts of time with Sully. Maybe you don't have those sorts of feelings for Sully but perhaps he does for you. He may get the wrong idea when you choose to be around him so much. Or you may find those same emotions in yourself. Please remember what happened with Paul and Marjorie."

"Mother, I'm not Marjorie and Sully isn't a married man."

Elizabeth wasn't sure what to make of Michaela's statement but she nodded and exhaled a deep breath. "Sully is a very nice man but he isn't the kind of man that someone from your station in life would marry."

Michaela whirled around suddenly, her eyes flashing with fire. "And what is my station in life, mother?"

"Now Michaela, don't get all up in arms. You know what I mean. You are a very wealthy woman now that you've inherited Anna's estate. If you were to marry someone of Sully's class, people would talk. They would say that he only wanted your money. Besides, he's practically your brother. It would be scandalous all the way around."

Michaela simply shook her head and walked to the door without replying. She could feel the ring lying against her chest and she cringed wondering if Elizabeth would ever accept the way she felt about Sully. "Where are you going?" Elizabeth asked.

"I believe I have a gentlemen caller to see," she replied without even turning around. Quickly she left the room, though she had no intention of going down to see David. Instead she made a beeline for Sully's room, needing to feel his arms around her and to possibly persuade him to come down with her to dissuade David. His door was open and Josef was inside talking with him as he helped him unpack. Michaela leaned against the doorframe, a forlorn look upon her face.

Josef looked up and smiled at her but received nothing in return. "Mike? Did you need something?"

"No, I'm going downstairs. David Lewis has called on me." Her eyes looked first at her father and then at Sully who had twisted his mouth up at the mention of him. Michaela raised her hand to her chest purposely laying her hand flat against where the ring was hidden. The small bump under the fabric thrilled her and she suddenly felt a renewed strength.

"He's called on you several times while you've been away. I do believe he is quite persistent." Josef smiled at her.

Michaela let out a low growl. "Persistent does seem to be the word to describe him," she agreed watching as Sully pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. Moving from the doorframe, she silently pleaded with Sully to come downstairs with her.

Elizabeth's voice behind her caught her attention. "Michaela, it's rude to keep a young man waiting." Michaela nodded and reluctantly turned to head down the stairs. Sully watched her go, feeling the urgency to join her as soon as possible. The thought of David wasn't making him happy. He wasn't worried about Michaela but he was worried about a man who kept coming around when he had clearly been told not to.

Michaela found David already seated in the morning room, a huge grin plastered on his face. Michaela felt like slapping it off but strode forward purposefully, hoping this visit wouldn't last long. He rose as she entered and met her half- way to the couch. "I was sorry to hear about your grandmother," he said taking her hand in his and bowing low over it.

"Thank you," Michaela returned hastily snatching her hand back before he could kiss it, then seating herself on the couch.

"You've been away so long, I was beginning to worry you might not come back." David smiled as he said these as if he was trying to make a joke.

"I almost didn't," Michaela replied cheekily. "My grandmother's house is very beautiful."

"I'm sure," David returned as he made himself comfortable in a nearby chair. "But your schooling?"

"Yes," Michaela replied. "I plan to finish. There were simply some things that needed to be straightened out concerning the estate."

"Wasn't there someone else who could worry about that?" David asked smiling at her widely.

Michaela did not like David's insinuation and she took his statement extremely personally. "Why? Because I'm a woman. It's my estate," she snapped. "I wanted to take care of it!"

"Sorry," David whispered sheepishly. "I didn't mean…" His voice trailed off as her words sunk in. This was new information to David. He hadn't known that she had inherited her grandmother's estate – he had assumed that Josef had. He tried to ease the tension of the moment by smiling over at her but the smile was not reciprocated.

Michaela crossed her arms in front of her clearly indicating she wanted nothing to do with David for the moment but he was not willing to leave yet. "Listen, I know it's not exactly proper for me to call on you when you're in mourning. Though since it has been over a month and it was only your grandmother– I was wondering… that is I would like to …" he swallowed hard as he watched her face. "If you are available, I would like to escort you to the opera on Friday evening."

Again Michaela's anger surged within her. "You're right it isn't proper for you to call on me. She wasn't only my grandmother. She was the most amazing person I ever knew. David you can't put a limit on mourning. It's been a month so I should be okay? It could be years and I would still feel the loss of her from my life." Michaela's tone was cutting and David suddenly felt like a small boy being chastised by his mother. He had never seen this kind of fire in Michaela and though it made him want to retreat, it also intrigued him. This was definitely the woman of his dreams. If she showed half that much passion in other areas….

Neither heard the approaching footsteps so that Sully's arrival in the room took them both by surprise. He had heard Michaela's tirade from the top of the stairs and had smiled to himself. David was getting what he deserved but also he was happy to hear that fire in her voice. It stirred the same thoughts in him as it did David. "Is everything all right?" he asked looking from Michaela to David and then back again.

"Sully," Michaela said sweetly, rising to greet him as if she hadn't seen him in days.

David stood and observed the young man curiously. "Sully?" he asked as the memory of a young boy came to mind. "It's been so long," he remarked moving over to offer his hand in friendship. "It's nice to see you again."

"David," Sully replied. "Nice to see ya too."

"Josef said you went out west?" he asked trying to remember what he had heard about the man who stood before him.

"Colorado territory," Sully answered succinctly leading Michaela back to the couch and sitting down beside her.

"That must be terribly interesting," David replied returning to his seat as well. "I've heard the wildlife is spectacular."

"It is very beautiful country, "Sully returned his eyes fixed on Michaela as he spoke.

David noticed this but thought nothing of it. "How long are you back for?"

Sully turned to look at him. "I'm plannin' on stayin' in Boston for awhile,' he replied.

"You don't want to go back to Colorado?"

"I want to go back. Just not quite yet." Again, Sully had shifted his attention to Michaela who had dropped her head to hide a secret smile. "When Anna died, I realized I was needed here for a little while."

This statement made David narrow his eyes as he watched the way Michaela turned to look at him. "Right," he said loudly causing both Michaela and Sully to turn their attention back to him. "The two of you have always been close. I forget you were raised as brother and sister."

----------------------------------------

**Boston 1864**

"Michaela, I don't understand why you're doing this. I love you. I will do everything in my power to make you happy." He started to approach her, his arms held out to embrace her form but Michaela turned away.

"Things are just so confusing right now. I need to get away." She knew there should be tears. How cold and heartless she must seem to David, not even crying on an occasion like this. Yet she could not manufacture even one which either meant that she had cried them all in the previous days or she really had no concern for David.

"Where will you go?" David asked.

She could hear the hurt in his voice and she turned back toward him momentarily. "To Colorado," she whispered wondering the whole time if she was making the right choice in telling him.

"Sully." With that one word, Michaela thought he had figured it all out and so she nodded her head. "I will never understand the connection you have with your brother," David continued. "But if you think it will help."

Michaela felt dumbfounded. Was it possible that David was really this blind about the whole situation? She thought about telling him but decided not to; knowing that she still had to address his marriage proposal from the other day. Taking the ring box from her pocket, she handed it back to David. "Here," she said plainly.

"No." David pushed it back towards her. "You hold onto it until you've made up your mind. I'll wait." His voice was gentle and full of love but Michaela felt only disgusted by his gesture.

"David I'm saying no," she replied and again handed the box to him.

David took it in his hand. "I thought…" His voice trailed off as he considered her.

Michaela felt as if she couldn't breathe and the need to escape the oppression of the room overwhelmed her. "I have to go," she said looking at David one last time. He quickly crossed to her and wrapped his arms around her warmly.

"Please Michaela say you'll give it more time."

"I have to go," she repeated again.

David let go of her and stepped back. "Maybe after you visit your brother, you'll feel better. Maybe you'll change your mind. My proposal still stands." Michaela barely heard him as she fled from the room, breaking into a slow run needing to get away as quickly as possible.

**-----------------------------------------------**

**Boston – October 18, 1852**

Eventually, David left albeit a little dejectedly because Michaela had refused his opera invitation. Michaela and Sully stood in the foyer laughing at the whole situation. The idea that they were brother and sister seemed absolutely ridiculous yet both recognized the validity of the assumption.

"Are you done unpacking?" Michaela asked as she smiled up at him.

Sully nodded. "And you?"

"I am. What shall we do?" she said giving him a sultry smile.

"I was thinkin' maybe we could talk a walk down to the common. If awoman in mourning can be seen out in public," he added.

"I'll get my wrap," Michaela replied turning to head up the stairs while Sully waited for her down below. Quickly she went to her room and found the wool traveling wrap lying on her bed where she had discarded it earlier. The thought of a few uninterrupted moments with Sully made her tingle from head to foot and she rushed back towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth called from down the hall. She was standing outside of her own bedroom, observing her daughter's curious behavior.

"Sully and I are going to walk to the Common," she answered without stopping.

Elizabeth had half a mind to forbid them from leaving the house alone but she wished to speak to Josef out of their earshot and this would be the perfect opportunity. "Dinner will be at seven," she called after her. Then she herself started towards the stairs, knowing Josef had retired to his library. She waited until she heard the front door close and then she descended the stairs. After tapping lightly on the library door, she let herself in. Josef sat behind his desk and looked up at her. His stomach contracted knowing this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

Elizabeth wasted no time but cut right to the chase. "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" she asked her eyes already flashing with anger.

"Why would I? So you could say you didn't want him here."

"For someone who thinks lying is the cardinal sin, I can't believe you would keep this from me." Elizabeth had him here. He couldn't exactly argue that he hadn't lied. He had known that Sully was returning for sometime now and had purposefully kept it from Elizabeth. "It's whatever's convenient, isn't it?"

"It's not like that. I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't like it."

"Oh and I simply loved it when he stepped off the train this morning. What a great surprise." Her voice was sarcastic and cutting.

Josef exhaled loudly. "What do you have against Sully?"

"I already told you, I don't have anything against Sully." She stopped here, deciding not to bring up his closeness with Michaela as Josef would only deny it.

"He isn't even going to live here. Once he finds a job, he plans to move out."

"I know, Michaela told me."

Josef considered Elizabeth for a moment. "You weren't harassing her about her relationship with Sully, were you?"

"She's my daughter, Josef. I have a right to give her advice."

"What did you tell her?" he demanded, his own anger beginning to rise.

"I warned her that sometimes men get the wrong impression when a woman spends so much time with them. I told her that simply because she doesn't have feelings for Sully, we can't assume that he doesn't."

"Is that all?" Josef asked nonplussed.

"More or less," Elizabeth answered deciding not to go into the specifics. "She's very young and innocent, Josef. She doesn't understand about men. She doesn't realize that she could be leading Sully on."

Josef laughed. "When are you going to realize that they view each other as brother and sister?"

"Do you think so?" Elizabeth asked, wanting to believe that it was true.

"I know so," Josef returned. "You'll see Elizabeth. Michaela's only focus right now is school and becoming a doctor. She told me herself how much she missed being at the hospital with me. Do you know that she delivered a baby with Ida's help?" Elizabeth shook her head no. "I know that the possibility of her being a doctor doesn't thrill you either," Josef continued. "But I think once she gets herself established, she might consider marrying."

"Because she is going to find a husband who will allow his wife to work?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.

Josef shrugged. "Stranger things have happened." Elizabeth shook her head but remained quiet. "Please Elizabeth, I'm only asking that you make Sully feel welcome."

"I'll try," she whispered.

---------------------------------

The entire walk to the Common, Michaela and Sully had both resisted the urge to reach over and take the other's hand in their own. It felt weird to be walking beside each other without touching. Sully smiled over at Michaela who seemed lost in her own thoughts. "Whatcha thinkin'?" he asked reaching up to brush a stray hair away from her face.

"I am wondering why David hasn't taken the hint that I'm not interested."

"Probably thinks you'll change your mind." Sully gave her a wink. "I know if ya rejected me, I'd keep tryin'."

"For how long?" Michaela asked playfully.

"'Til ya changed your mind," Sully laughed.

"And what if I married someone else in the meantime?"

"Then I would have to stop trying but it wouldn't mean I would feel any different." Sully turned his head to the front as the small thought of Michaela marrying another made him feel ill.

"Do you think it's possible to marry one person and be in love with someone else?" Michaela asked.

"I guess. How many people really marry for love?"

"I used to think everyone did."

"That's because you're an idealist. Ya wanna believe the best about everyone and every situation. And I love that about ya." Michaela blushed lightly and dropped her head. "Think about Everett and Marjorie. Did ya ever see her act with him like she was with Paul?"

"No," Michaela whispered. "But that was different. Paul was a married man."

"I agree," Sully replied. "It wasn't right. I'm just sayin' that sometimes marriage isn't about bein' in love but it should be."

"Should it?" Michaela asked turning to look at him as her mother's words from earlier played through her head. Sully frowned as he considered her. They had arrived at the Common as a silence descended between them.

"Ya don't think marriage should be about love?" Sully asked after some moments of quiet. His brow was wrinkled as he observed her.

"Of course I do," she hastily replied. "I can't imagine not loving the person I was married to."

Sully felt reassured by her words but he wondered where her doubt from a moment before had come from. "I'm glad to hear ya say that."

"Come on," Michaela said as she turned towards a small clump of trees at the far end of the Common. Sully recognized the place from when they were younger and he too began to walk faster, anxious to hold her close. Her earlier statement still worried him a little but he put it out of his mind for the moment. Michaela ducked under a tree limb as she entered the small grove.

Immediately, she turned and wrapped her arms around Sully's torso. "It feels like forever since this morning on the train."

Sully cupped her cheeks in his hands. "I agree," he replied as he leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against hers. Sully drew back moving his hands to her waist. Michaela leaned her head against his chest. "Don't think Elizabeth was too happy to see me," Sully remarked.

"From the look on her face when she saw you, it was like she didn't know you were coming."

"She didn't. Josef told me he didn't tell her."

"Why?" Michaela wondered aloud.

"I think he was hoping that surprise would be the best route to take. It worked when he told her that I was stayin' in Cambridge with ya."

Michaela laughed briefly before becoming serious. "Sully, do you think my parents love one another?"

"Yeah," he replied brining his hand up to stroke her hair. "Don't ya?"

"I guess. I just never see any passion there. I didn't really notice it until I realized how deeply I love you but ever since then…."

"What?"

"Oh, I don't know. They just seem comfortable. Not overly excited to be with one another, just comfortable." She paused for a moment and moved her head to look up at Sully. "Do you think that is how marriage gets over time?"

"Don't know, I've never been married," Sully teased.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I think a lot of marriages wind up that way but I don't think they have to. Probably just takes a little work to keep things new and interestin'."

"Interesting?" Michaela asked giving him an odd look.

"Well it's like Colorado. It's real beautiful there but when I saw it everyday, I started takin' it for granted. But when David mentioned it this mornin' and I thought about Boston compared to there, well I realized how special it is."

"So when you wake up beside me everyday you might start taking me for granted? You might not be so interested in me?" Michaela asked only half serious.

"I can't really imagine that happenin'." Just the thought of waking up beside her each day thrilled Sully immensely.

Michaela tilted her head and leaned up to kiss him; her lips parting so that Sully's bottom lip was sandwiched in between hers. She felt his tongue lightly dance across her top lip and she opened to him, deepening the kiss impossibly further. Pulling back she smiled up at him coyly. "Guess that might get old someday," she said.

Sully who was left breathless by the kiss simply stared back at her. "That won't ever get old," he finally managed to mumble.

"Someday I'll be old and wrinkled with gray hair…"

Sully quickly brought his finger to her lips. "And you will still be the most beautiful woman in the world. It's not about what's on the outside. I didn't fall in love with that," he whispered against her ear. "I fell in love with who ya are. Time ain't gonna change that." Sully crushed his lips against hers as their tongues found one another again. It was another deep kiss that left him breathless but even when he drew away, Michaela continued to kiss his neck.

"Ya gonna get tired of this?" he asked.

Michaela laughed. "I can't imagine that happening," she replied. Sully gulped as he felt her tongue slip out to taste his skin. It was all becoming too much for him and he leaned back against a nearby tree.

"Michaela," he whispered, his breath coming in ragged bursts.

She pulled back and smiled up at him, fully aware of what she was doing. He looked down at her and shook his head as his lips curled up on the ends. His hand went up to the area just below her neck as his fingers closed over the ring that lay underneath. "My love is forever," he whispered holding her eyes with his own.

"Mine too," she echoed as she brought her hand to rest over his.


	71. Chapter 71

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- one**

**Boston – November 20, 1852**

Michaela and Sully's transition back to Boston went smoother then either had imagined. Within their first week back, Sully had found a job working down at the docks. Everett and Marjorie had offered to rent him a small cottage that was on their property as servant quarters. Their servants lived out so the place was vacant. Sully was reluctant at first but it was Everett's insistence that convinced him in the end. Everett explained that he often worked into the evenings and it would give him piece of mind knowing that Sully was nearby in case of an emergency.

Michaela had fallen quickly into routine as well. She went with her father to the hospital three days a week and spent her other two keeping up with her studies so that she would be ready come spring semester. On the days she studied, she often went to the library in the mornings and would slip out around the time she knew Sully would be heading home. It became a routine for her to ride back to Marjorie's with him and often steal a few private moments alone.

Thus as November arrived, both had settled down to their new lives fairly well and though Sully found himself missing Colorado, he was happy to be near Michaela. On the other hand, Elizabeth was not pleased. If anything, she was more displeased than when she first saw Sully step foot off the train. Yet it was only Josef who felt the brunt of this anger. For a week after Sully's arrival, she had denied him entrance to their bed. Yet even after she allowed him back in, she refused to speak to him most of the time and when they did speak it usually ended in an argument. Michaela merely received encouragement to further her relationship with David and every once and awhile a lecture about some aspect of marriage. Michaela usually tuned her out whilst nodding her head for affect every few minutes. Elizabeth even managed to act civilly and at times almost welcoming to Sully which both Michaela and Josef were glad to see.

On this particular blustery November day, Michaela had been at the library studying. She was working math problems trying to hone her skills and refresh her memory. Her schooling had been sincerely lacking in the math and science arena and even with Everett as her tutor, she still found herself at a slight disadvantage in school concerning the advanced math. While Braxton Academy for Girls had taught her the finer points of literature, languages, dance, manners and needlepoint, it had neglected other areas as being inappropriate for girls to learn. After all a girl's goal in life was to look pretty and please her husband. Though they never literally said that, Michaela knew that was the thought behind everything they taught. Women were suited for the private sector of the home while men were suited for the public sector and never should the twain meet in most of society's opinion.

It was with this mind set that she left the library to meet Sully. Feeling particularly upset about the inequalities in the world, specifically those between men and women. Sully could tell even from a distance that something was bothering her. She was standing in front of the library where Sully insisted on meeting her because he didn't like her to come down near the docks. Her brow was wrinkled and her face contorted as if she was in pain. Sully approached cautiously, wondering if Elizabeth had subjected her to another lecture.

"Afternoon," he greeted her with a slight nod of his head, wishing it could have been more.

"Hello," she replied her face softening as her eyes met his. Yet she hastily dropped them again as her face became troubled once more.

"Something wrong?" Sully asked quickly brushing the back of her hand with his own. His touch sent tingles through her at the same time that she felt her ire rising.

"Let's go," she suggested as she looked around hastily at the myriad of people on the library steps. Sully nodded and they set off down the street in the direction of Back Bay.

"Want me to hail a carriage?"

"Sure," Michaela replied absentmindedly as she tucked her hands under her arms. She had forgotten her gloves this morning and the wind was icy. Sully quickly secured a closed carriage and helped her inside before joining her.

"Ya okay?" he asked. Being that they were now safe from prying eyes, he reached over and picked up her hand. Michaela let him but she did not readily enclose her hand around his as usual.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice was tentative and Sully's face grew concerned as he turned to regard her. He nodded his head to indicate she could. Michaela's eyes stared straight ahead, unwilling to meet Sully's for the moment. "After we're married, what do you expect?"

Sully was confused because the question was so vague. What did he expect? In what area? At what time? He sighed. "I guess I don't know what ya mean, Michaela." The frown on Michaela's face troubled him.

"From me," she replied still not clarifying her question as far as Sully was concerned.

"Michaela I'm sorry but I still don't know what ya mean."

Michaela huffed and snatched her hand out of Sully's. She rolled her eyes as if Sully was extremely dense and even moved away from him on the seat. This only left him more perplexed. It wasn't that he hadn't seen Michaela act like this but he usually had some idea of what was going on. This time he was perfectly clueless. "Are you going to insist that I stay home once we're married?"

That one question cleared it all up for Sully. "Ya ain't gonna be able to stay at home and be a doctor are ya?" he asked almost teasingly hoping to lighten the tension in the carriage. Michaela did not respond so Sully tried again. He reached for her hand as he spoke. "You're gonna be a great doctor and that isn't gonna stop when we're married."

"I won't have to stop?" she asked again, her hand now gripping onto his.

"Of course not, Michaela. The whole reason we're waitin' to be together is for ya to finish medical school." Sully's voice was gentle but Michaela blushed with her own silliness. "Come here," Sully whispered as he let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her. "What's got ya feelin' like this?"

"Calculus," she sighed.

Sully laughed gently. "Mad at Braxton's again?"

Michaela smiled and nodded. "How did you know?"

He winked at her and pulled her close. "I know ya." They rode the rest of the way to Marjorie's like this, neither speaking but simply grateful to be with the one who understood them best. When the carriage stopped, Sully turned to Michaela. "Do you have to go home?" he asked, hoping she would say no.

"Actually I told mother I was going to visit with Marjorie today." Michaela followed Sully in alighting from the carriage. He paid the driver and they slipped through the hidden door in the hedge towards the small cottage that Sully was renting. The cottage was small with only two rooms. The main room had a table and kitchen area and then a small sitting area. The other room, Sully used as a bedroom. Once inside, Sully laid a fire and Michaela quickly set about getting things ready for afternoon tea. Sully changed out of his work clothes and then joined Michaela in front of the fireplace where she had already brought a tray laden with two cups of tea and some pastries that Marjorie's kitchen maid had brought to Sully the day before.

"Ya feelin' better?" Sully asked as he reached over for his tea cup.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I just get so frustrated sometimes." Her cheeks were bright pink as she still felt rather embarrassed about her earlier behavior.

"I don't mind," he laughed as his hand came up to stroke her cheek.

"How was your day?"

"Busy," he sighed. "I think I used muscles today I didn't even know I had."

"Are you sore?" she asked with concern.

Sully reached his hand up to behind his neck and started rubbing it. "Sort of. I feel kinda stiff back here."

"Here, let me," Michaela said moving around so that she knelt behind him. "Take off your shirt," she whispered close to his ear. Sully swallowed hard and hesitated for a moment. Even though he knew it wasn't a good idea, he complied with her request, wanting to feel her soft hands touching his bare skin.

Michaela placed one hand and then the other on his shoulders and began to massage the muscles as she worked at the knots she found there. Sully relaxed as he felt some of the tension begin to leave his body. Slowly she worked her way down his back, using the heel of her hand and then following the same path up with her fingertips. "How's that?" she asked, working her way up his left side one last time.

"Amazin'," he whispered, his eyes closed and the expression on his face one of contentment. He didn't move as Michaela leaned up against him wrapping her arms around his neck. Sully felt his heart begin to race. He desired nothing more than to turn around and take her in his arms but he fought the urge knowing that they already were in a delicate situation.

The door to the cottage suddenly flew open and both of them wheeled around to see who had entered. Marjorie stood there, her eyes flashing and her red hair only serving to enhance the anger that played across her face. "What is this?" she yelled as her eyes lingered on Sully's shirtless torso. "What are you two doing?"

"Nothing," Michaela exclaimed indignantly pulling back completely from Sully and resting on her heels.

"Do you know that our mother just stopped by here looking for you? She said you told her that you were going to come see me today."

"Well I am going to come see you," Michaela replied as she rose to her feet ready to face her sister head on. "I just had a stop to make first."

"I'm not covering for you anymore," Marjorie blurted out. "This is it. If you want to sneak around with Sully acting inappropriately, that's fine but I will not be a part of it."

Sully stood now too, grabbing his shirt off the floor and pulling it on over his head. "When have ya had to cover for us?" Sully asked trying to be logical about the situation.

Marjorie sucked in a sharp breath knowing that Sully was right. Marjorie was angry but not about having to cover for them. She was angry because she knew Michaela had found something she never would and to her that simply didn't seem fair. "It's my house and if you don't like it…" Her voice trailed off suddenly as the reality of what she was saying sunk in.

"Marjorie, I told ya that if this wasn't workin' just to let me know. I'll look for another place to live after work tomorrow." Sully was very to the point and spoke with almost no emotion whatsoever.

Michaela, on the other hand, was livid. "So you're going to throw him out on the street because you saw the two of us hugging? That's ridiculous." She wanted to point out that Sully had caught her in much more compromising position but restrained herself.

"I'm not saying you have to move out."

Sully cast a questioning look at Michaela who simply shook her head in confusion. "What are ya sayin' then?" Sully asked turning back towards her.

"It's too risky. Mother already suspects that the two of you are involved. Please don't put me in this awkward position." The anger had left her voice and was replaced by a gentler tone.

"We aren't asking you to cover for us," Michaela said, her voice also calming. She stepped closer to Sully as she spoke seeking his hand with hers. When she found it, she interlaced her fingers through his. "Essentially this is the only place we can be alone."

"Just be careful," Marjorie pleaded. "I know how it is. You're young and you think that you're so in love. You're willing to do anything but then that relationship doesn't work out." Marjorie grew quiet for a moment as she studied both of their faces. "Trust me Michaela; men don't want a wife who's been with another man."

"Marjorie? Are you and Everett okay?" Michaela was truly worried now. She knew Marjorie had lost a baby but she hadn't really given a second thought to the fact that Everett now knew about Paul.

"We're fine," Marjorie hastily said as she once again put up the wall that surrounded her true self. "Couldn't be better. As a matter of fact, I am expecting him home so I better get going. Will you be leaving as well Michaela?"

"In a moment," she replied giving Sully's hand a quick squeeze.

"Well, good afternoon," she said with a light wave of her hand. The door closed behind her as both Sully and Michaela stared at it.

"That was bizarre," Michaela remarked as she turned to face Sully.

Sully nodded in agreement as he pulled her into his arms. "Thank ya for the massage," he whispered leaning close to her ear. "My back and shoulders feel much better."

"Glad I could help," Michaela replied cheekily as she lifted her head up to kiss him. The kiss was innocent, sweet and strangely satisfying so that neither took it any further even though they held onto each other for a few more minutes. Eventually, Michaela drew away knowing the hour was getting late.

"On Thursday I'm not going to the library. Rebecca is going to the garden club with mother and I told her I would watch Emily for her. Why don't you stop by after work and stay for dinner?"

"That sounds nice," Sully replied as he helped her get her cloak on. Everett was just returning home as they left Sully's cottage and he offered their carriage for Michaela's ride home. She accepted it and after saying good bye to Sully one last time, she set off for Beacon Hill to face Elizabeth.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michaela pulled up at the house just as her father's carriage was arriving. She hopped down and scurried over to him, happy that she wouldn't be walking in alone. Actually, she hoped that Elizabeth might see the two of them together and assume that she was at the hospital though she knew that was a long shot.

"How was your day, Mike?" he asked bending his head slightly to kiss her forehead.

"Not bad," she replied crinkling her nose up at him.

"But not good?"

"It was fine."

"Working on math again?" he asked noticing the frustrated look on her face. She nodded in reply as she marveled at the fact that her two favorite people in the world knew her this well.

Linking her arm through his, they started up the stairs and into the house. "How was your day?" she asked.

"It was good but it's always better when you're with me. I can't wait until you're done medical school and we're working side by side every day. It will be wonderful." As his words tumbled out, Michaela felt the warmth in her heart start to fizzle. It was true that her father knew a lot about her but there was a whole part of her he didn't know. Would it be difficult to tell him of Sully and her plans to go west? Would he approve?

Her thoughts were interrupted by her mother who seemed to be lying in wait for both of them only a few feet inside the front door. "Michaela Anne Quinn, where have you been?"

"At the library," she answered giving a little shrug of her shoulders. "Why?"

"You said you were going to stop by and see Marjorie. I stopped off there on my way home but she said you never made it."

Michaela grimaced. "I was working on calculus today and I was pretty caught up in it. I did go by Marjorie's after you left but she said you were looking for me so I came right home."

Elizabeth looked at her doubtfully, wanting to ask her if she had seen Sully while she was there but knew better than to bring it up with Josef listening. "In the future, I don't want you out in the city by yourself so late."

"Yes mother," Michaela replied compliantly. "I saw Sully when I was at Marjorie's. I invited him for dinner on Thursday night. I hope that's okay."

Elizabeth gritted her teeth. "That's fine," she muttered. "Go change for dinner," she instructed Michaela, who was only too happy to flee upstairs. Elizabeth now turned her gaze on Josef who was already headed for his library. "Josef?" she called stopping him dead in his tracks as he slowly turned around to face her.

"Sorry I wasn't sure if you were talking to me today," he replied sarcastically.

"Yes, well, I've decided that my being angry with you is pointless. What's done is done I suppose." Josef frowned unsure what to make of Elizabeth's sudden change in attitude. "You don't have to look so unhappy about it," she declared. "If you'd rather me not talk to you…"

Josef immediately softened. "No, it's not that. I'm wondering what precipitated this." He crossed to her now and stepped in close wondering if she would allow him to kiss her. Slowly he leaned in their lips lightly brushing against one another. "The beginning of a thaw?" he asked smiling.

"Is that your way of calling me the Ice Queen?" Elizabeth returned, her voice was still cutting but the smile on her face made Josef relax. He leaned in and kissed her again, this time wrapping his arms around her as he pressed his body against hers. Michaela watched from the top of the stairs almost in a state of amazement. Seeing her parents kissing each other was a rare thing. Observing this made her hopeful. There could be romance even after so many years of marriage. Maybe her parents were more passionate then she knew. She looked down at them again and watched as Josef whispered something in her mother's ear before kissing her once more. Michaela shuttered, now feeling a little weird that she was witnessing this. She headed back to her room, where she loudly closed the door signaling to her parents that she was coming.

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**November 22, 1852**

"Sully," Emily exclaimed as the library door opened and he stepped in. She ran across the room and jumped into his arms. Sully hoisted her high into the air as she kicked her legs wildly.

"Careful, Emily," Michaela warned as the little girls feet came dangerously close to Sully's face. Her voice was light and gentle as she watched the scene in front of her. There was something about seeing her niece and Sully together that warmed her heart and made her wish that the future wasn't so far away.

Sully flipped Emily upside down and she squealed in delight as her skirt fell over her face. Quickly Sully righted her again, setting her down on the floor. She grabbed his arm, swinging it as they walked over to join Michaela on the rug. "What are ya girls doin'?"

"I was brushing Aunt Michaela's hair," Emily giggled as she retrieved the hairbrush from where she had dropped it.

"I betcha that's fun." Sully winked at Michaela as she gave him a knowing look. "Her hair's pretty, isn't it?"

"Aunt Michaela is boo-tiful," Emily declared drawing out the syllables. She took her small hand and rubbed the side of Michaela's cheek.

"I agree," Sully replied.

Michaela blushed as she raised her eyebrows. "Sully," she scolded. "Little ears have big mouths."

"Who has a big mouth?" Emily asked as she crossed the short distance to sit in Sully's lap.

"She's talkin' about me sweet girl," Sully assured Emily, who was now reaching up to hug his neck.

"You're boo-tiful too, Sully."

"Emily we say men are handsome, not beautiful."

"Do you think Sully's handsome?" she asked Michaela suddenly as she crinkled her face up in a funny manner.

"Sure," Michaela answered without thinking about it.

"Little ears," Sully laughed as Michaela quickly covered her mouth with her hand in disbelief.

"I can't believe I just said that." Shaking her head, she let out a slow breath her eyes never leaving Sully's.

"Cookies," Emily screamed at the top of her lungs making Sully and Michaela both jump a foot in the air.

"Emily, don't scream," Michaela chided her.

Instantly her little mouth turned down and she batted her eyes as tears formed there. "I sorry." She cut her eyes over at Michaela as she spoke.

Sully leaned down to the little girl's ear. "Go give her a hug," he whispered to her.

Emily smiled up at him and then stood, slowly moving towards Michaela with one finger in her mouth. "I sorry," she repeated.

"It's okay," Michaela assured her as the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck hugging her tightly. Sully grinned and then rose, heading towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"To get cookies," Sully called over his shoulder.

Michaela shook her head as Emily settled down in her lap once more. "Sully's nice," she said turning her blue eyes up to Michaela.

"Does that mean I'm not?" Michaela asked teasingly.

"You're nice too but Sully gets me cookies," Emily replied completely straight faced. She couldn't understand why Michaela was now giggling. "What's so funny?"

"Sully is a pushover," was Michaela's only comment.

The door opened and Sully returned carrying a tray laden down with cookies and milk. "Look what Martha had ready for us."

Emily clapped her hands as Sully set the tray down on the floor in front of the two girls. "We don't eat on the floor silly," Emily giggled.

"Sure we can. Let's pretend it's a picnic."

Emily reached over and took a cookie hastily biting into it and rubbing her stomach to indicating how good it was. Michaela and Sully also helped themselves to cookies and a quiet pervaded the room for the next few minutes. Soon though Emily was done and she couldn't wait to tell Sully what Michaela had called him. "Aunt Michaela says you're a pushover."

"Really?" He looked at Michaela with amusement on his face. Emily starting fiddling with the buttons on Michaela's shirt but she didn't notice because her attention at the moment was focused on Sully.

"Is this how it is going to be when you have your own children?"

"What?" Sully replied innocently.

"Your wife is going to be the strict one and you'll be the pushover?"

"Only with my little girls." Sully winked at her. Their eyes locked as they exchanged a secret smile. Both of their thoughts flew to the future and they could each picture their family.

"Pretty," Emily cooed, catching their attention. She had felt the ring beneath Michaela's shirt and worked it out between the buttons. Her finger was looped through it while she observed the diamond up close.

Michaela's eyes grew large and Sully could see she was horrified. He crawled closer to them and slipped the ring off of her finger, tucking it back in between the buttons. "Do you wanna go outside and play in the leaves?" Sully asked Emily to distract her.

Instantly, Emily forgot about the ring and jumped on Sully's back. "Leaves," she squealed in delight. Sully stood and looked down at Michaela to assess her state of mind. She appeared to be a little more relaxed and in truth she was though her heart was still racing. Michaela stood as well, her legs shaking from the recent adrenaline rush, and followed Sully outside. Standing off to the side, she watched Sully and Emily play as a series of what if scenarios flashed through her mind.

Sully could tell she was worried and as soon as possible, he slipped away from Emily. "Don't worry," he said softly stopping just in front of her. "She won't even remember it."

"But what if she says something?"

"Michaela, she doesn't know it's an engagement ring. You do have other rings." He reached his hand up to cup her cheek but Michaela pushed him away.

"We have to be more careful," she said in hushed tones. "We've gotten careless." Michaela moved closer to Emily, brushing past Sully in the process. Sully scratched his chin in confusion, wondering why he suddenly felt guilty for something as innocent as Emily finding the ring. He turned and walked up behind her.

"Why don't we start courtin' like we planned," he suggested. "Ya know get Elizabeth and Josef used to us bein' together."

Michaela shook her head. "I don't think now's the right time."

"Why not?"

"I don't know – things feel unsettled here still. Can we wait until after Christmas?"

"If that's what ya want," Sully acquiesced somewhat reluctantly. He raised his hand to stroke the side of her arm but Michaela moved away before he had the chance.

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**Thanksgiving Day – November 29, 1852**

Sully paced nervously in the sitting room of the cottage, pulling at his tie once again. One thing about Boston was that Sundays, holidays and generally any occasion at the Quinn house required formal dress. He had certainly not missed that in Colorado. Things had been somewhat distant between him and Michaela following Emily's discovery of the ring and though he knew that Michaela was only being cautious, he couldn't help but feel a little slighted. She had still met him on Tuesday afternoon but she hadn't stayed to have tea with him. The only physical contact they had was a hug before she departed. Sully knew that part of their being careful was not letting themselves get carried away physically but to be honest he missed just the opportunity to hold her.

It was at moments like these that returning to Colorado to work seemed like a good idea. Sully did not want to be so far away from her but at the same time being so close and yet so distant was just as hard. Again, he brought his finger up to adjust his collar. "Stupid suit," he muttered under his breath. A knock at the door caused him to turn quickly, wondering who it was. "Come in," he called.

Michaela opened the door and closed it behind her as she entered. Hastily she dropped the wool cloak from her shoulders laying it over the back of a nearby chair. "Hi," she greeted him somewhat nervously.

Sully gave her a quizzical look. "Hi," he returned as he took in her form. She looked absolutely radiant standing in the sunlight streaming through the front window. Her dress was a pale grey instead of the customary black that Elizabeth insisted on until the end of the year. "Ya look beautiful."

Michaela crossed to him quickly and pulled herself against him turning her face up to his as she closed her eyes. Her quick movements took Sully by surprise but once he realized what she had in mind he was only too happy to go along with it. His lips crashed into hers as she clung to him. Sully drew back to observe her reaction but Michaela had already turned her head into his chest where she pushed his suit jacket aside to place kisses to his shirt clad chest. "I miss you," she breathed out in between kisses.

"Me too," Sully gasped as he stilled Michaela against him. They simply stood holding one another for a moment before Michaela began to speak. "David's coming to Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't know. Mother invited him without asking me and of course he said yes."

"Is that why ya came over?" Sully asked as he lifted her chin up so that he could see her eyes.

"No, I just wanted to see you," she said smiling. "I told mother I was going to pick you up and then we were going to help Rebecca with the children since Robert is still out of town."

"Good idea," Sully replied grinning down at her. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

"How much time do we have before we have to leave?"

"Only a few minutes," Michaela sighed.

"Let's make the most of it." Sully's hands came up to frame her face as his thumbs gently stroked her cheeks. Michaela leaned into him, her eyes locked with his. He was coming closer but neither closed their eyes even when their lips met. The kiss was soft and sensual leaving both with the impression that they had looked deep into the other's soul. Their faces were only inches apart now but they did not move closer. The moment was about what they saw in each other and neither wanted to break it. Eventually Sully did lean in again and this time both of them closed their eyes as the passion overwhelmed them. Eagerly their lips sought one another as their tongues joined in the magic of the moment. When they finally broke apart, they both knew it was time to go but neither wanted to. Sully ran the pad of his thumb over her kiss swollen lips as Michaela's eyes went down to his tie. She giggled lightly and Sully gave her a questioning look.

"Your tie is all crooked. Here let me fix it." Her hands came up to his neck and gave a few sharp tugs. "All better." She looked extremely pleased as she crossed the room. Sully was right on her heels and he picked up her cloak fastening it at her neck. He breathed in deeply as they stepped into the crisp fall air, grateful that somehow Michaela had known exactly what he needed.

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Everyone had now finished with Thanksgiving dinner but they remained seated at the dining room table laughing and talking with one another. Michaela much to her dismay was seated beside David. Though that also meant she sat across from Sully and neither could resist reaching their feet across the distance to tease one another. The children had all run off into the library or morning room to play except for Emily and Anne. Anne had made a beeline for Sully's lap which had made Emily mad. Rebecca quickly pulled the little girl into her own lap where she sat quite contentedly playing with her mother's rings.

Michaela thought Anne looked positively ridiculous sitting in Sully's lap but Rebecca was allowing it so there was little she could say. Anne was asking Sully a multitude of questions and with his usual patience he was answering each one. Unfortunately for Michaela that meant she had no choice but to talk to David.

"You look radiant today," he began. "You always look beautiful but it is nice to see you in something besides black."

"Well get your fill today because tomorrow it's back to black," Michaela replied sarcastically.

"How much longer will your family be in mourning?" David tried to sound casual but he came off more desperate than anything.

"I don't know. Why?"

David looked sheepishly down. "I still would like to call on you, maybe go for a walk."

"It's a little cold for a walk, don't you think," Michaela replied frowning slightly. David looked exasperated and Sully who was listening to the conversation suppressed the urge to laugh. Michaela was being almost brutal to the poor guy.

"We could go to a museum or out to dinner…" His voice trailed off as he cut his eyes over at her.

"David, how do you feel about suffragettes?" Michaela asked out of the blue.

He looked stunned for a moment. "You mean the women who are working to get the vote."

"Right," Michaela replied nodding.

David swallowed hard as it seemed as if the whole table had grown quiet waiting for his answer. "I guess I haven't really thought much about it."

"Well do you think women should have the vote?" Michaela narrowed her eyes at him watching as he squirmed. If it had only been Michaela in the room, he knew how he would have answered but with several men looking in his direction he felt slightly trapped.

"I can see pros and cons," he said trying to stay neutral.

Michaela would not let the issue rest though and continued to press him. "So is that a yes or a no?" Sully could see the amusement on her face and he knew she was enjoying this immensely. The truth be known, he was enjoying it as well.

"I don't think it's that simple," David replied a light blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Sure it is," Michaela replied ignoring the warning looks from her mother. "Watch. Sully do you think women should have the vote?"

"I think that if we are gonna choose someone to represent us in the government and if those people are gonna make laws that affect us all then all of us should be able to vote."

His answer received a few chuckles at the table but he didn't back down in the least. "Ya don't think so?" Sully asked as he turned to face Everett who was seated beside him.

"I don't think women are smart enough to be making decisions like that," he replied somewhat haughtily.

"So only smart people should be able to vote?" Sully asked.

"That's not what I'm saying," Everett defended quickly.

"It just seems to me that I happen to know some women who are a great deal smarter than some white men who have the right to vote."

Everett looked over at Charles and then at Josef waiting for one of them to speak up. Elizabeth had turned her own expression to Sully, a light smile playing around her lips. Michaela was suppressing an all out grin at the dispute she had just started and she was mighty pleased that David seemed to be hanging his head in shame.

It was in the midst of this moment that Emily chose to speak up. "Mama, your ring is pretty." She was looking at Rebecca's engagement ring closely. "But Aunt Michaela's is boo-tiful!"

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**Colorado Springs 1866**

Brian ran into the mercantile full steam heading straight for the candy jars. His eyes were wide with wonder as he examined the glass containers full of brightly colored sweets. His mouth was watering already in anticipation. Loren approached him from the side stopping just shy of him. "Be careful," he grumped looking down disapproving. "Where's Dr. Mike?" He glanced around the store.

"She's comin'. Had to send a telegram to her ma." Colleen and Matthew entered now looking around for Brian and spotting him at the candy.

"Brian, you were supposed to stay with us," Colleen scolded as they walked over towards him. "Wait til I tell ma."

"You're always tattlin' on me and it ain't fair. Just wait until Sully's our pa then I'll tattle on ya." Matthew clamped his hand over Brian's mouth, his eyes wide as he cast a nervous glance at Colleen.

"What's that boy?" Loren asked leaning in.

"He's just playin'," Colleen said nervously backing up a little bit and pulling Brian with her. Yet this wasn't a good idea because now Matthew's hand came off of his mouth.

"No I'm not," he shouted indignantly. "Sully asked ma to marry him and she said yes."


	72. Chapter 72

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E. 

**Chapter Seventy- two**

**Boston – November 29, 1852 **

Michaela felt her heart catch in her throat and she was sure the panic showed on her face. Yet one breath later, she felt remarkably calm. Sully caught her eye briefly over Anne's head and she actually smiled at him. This puzzled but delighted him at the same time. His only concern had been for her but seeing the look on her face made him relax. Resting his back against the chair, he casually looked around the table trying to discern any reactions.

The amazing thing was that everyone heard Emily but didn't hear her at the same time. The debate was still the first thing on their minds and the ravings of a three year old seemed to take a back seat. Everett was already speaking in hushed tones to Marjorie while Maureen and Charles were whispering to one another as well. David still stared at his plate. Josef looked on Michaela smiling as if he couldn't be more proud. Elizabeth was still smiling at Sully and when his eyes met hers she actually gave him a small nod as if to say she appreciated what he had added to the conversation.

Rebecca was the only one to respond to Emily's comment. "Sweetie," she cooed giving her daughter a brief hug. "Did Aunt Michaela let you play with her jewelry last week?"

Emily nodded her head and smiled as she nuzzled against her mother. "She has red ones." Michaela looked on fondly feeling grateful that Emily and she had spent part of the day last Thursday rifling through her jewelry box. Maybe the ring she was referring to was one of those and not the engagement ring.

"That's called a ruby," Rebecca corrected the small girl. "And Aunt Michaela has a beautiful ruby ring."

"Granda give to her," Emily replied pointing down at Josef and then clapping her hands happily.

Josef chuckled. "It seems that someone decided we had enough of the serious conversation." Most around the table smiled amicably, though Everett was still gritting his teeth and David felt highly embarrassed.

"I see your ring." Emily began to climb down from Rebecca's lap. Rebecca held onto her firmly as she continued to squirm. "Down mama, down."

"Aunt Michaela isn't wearing her ring today," Rebecca informed her trying to settle her once more.

"No mama, not red one, necklace," Emily insisted.

"She isn't wearing a necklace either." Rebecca continued to hold firmly to her and Emily replied by beginning to whine and fuss. "I think this one is tired," she said rising from the table with Emily in her arms. "I'll lay her down upstairs."

"No, Mama not tired," she protested. Quickly, the mother whisked her out of the room so as not to have a scene in front of everyone. Michaela looked across at Sully who let out a deep breath as Rebecca left. It was only then that Michaela realized she too had been holding her breath. A gentle smiled played around his lips as her giddiness from earlier returned fourfold. Realistically she knew that Emily could still be upstairs telling Rebecca all about the ring on a necklace but it seemed now that it would be easy to cover.

Josef rose from the table and as tradition dictated the other men rose as well, knowing it was time for them to head off to the library. Michaela shook her head knowing that Sully would go albeit reluctantly. Anne scampered from his lap and ran off to find the other children. The room held no interest for her now that Sully was gone. Michaela was left alone with her sisters and mother who had already narrowed her eyes and turned them in her direction. Michaela knew she would be ready to jump all over her for the conversation at the dinner table. Elizabeth waited patiently and when she heard the click of the library door she began.

"Do you enjoy making your dinner guest feel like a fool?" she asked, her voice sharp cutting the air.

"He wasn't my dinner guest mother. As I recall, you invited him."

"Michaela, do you realize that David is the only boy to call on you since you've been of age. You're nineteen- don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Elizabeth had assumed her haughty air feeling in her element. Rebecca was out of earshot which meant she wouldn't be trying to cover for Michaela. Maureen and Marjorie flanked her on each side and she knew neither of them would take Michaela's side. Looking down the table at her daughter, she raised her eyebrows disapprovingly.

"I don't have feelings for him mother," Michaela replied emphatically.

"Feelings?" Elizabeth sneered. "This isn't about feelings. This is about making a proper match for you. Someone who is of your breeding and education. I understand that David doesn't object to your silly notion to become a doctor. You should be grateful for that."

"Stop it," Marjorie exclaimed suddenly turning to face her mother head on. "Just stop it. Leave her alone. If she doesn't like David, why do you have to push?"

Elizabeth was stunned. Never had she heard Marjorie defend Michaela and the fact that she was doing so now was simply unbelievable. "Marjorie surely you know the importance of making the right match." She cast a disapproving look at her now, which was meant to remind her daughter of her mistakes with Paul. "I wouldn't want Michaela to end up with someone beneath her station." She didn't speak the name but Michaela clearly knew she was referring to Sully and Marjorie picked up on it as well.

"If he loved her, would it really matter?" Marjorie asked rhetorically staring at the empty plate in front of her. "Michaela certainly has enough money - it isn't like her husband needs to have a fortune."

"It isn't only about money," Elizabeth began but Michaela interrupted her. Marjorie's outspokenness has spurred her on and she met her mother's gaze without fear or hesitation.

"You're right it isn't only about money. It's about my happiness. David will not make me happy."

"How can you know that? You haven't even given him a chance?"

Rebecca appeared suddenly in the door way, having heard the commotion from the stairs. Anxiously she observed the faces gathered around the table. "Excuse me," she said quietly. "Michaela could you come upstairs for a moment?" Michaela nodded and rose without another look at her mother. Hastily she followed Rebecca out of the room, thankful for the interruption even if it meant that she was going to have to explain a ring on a necklace.

Once on the stairs, Rebecca turned to Michaela. "I'm sorry but Emily wants to lie down in your room. I wanted to get your permission before I took her in. I didn't really need you to come upstairs but I thought maybe you wouldn't mind sneaking away for a bit. I heard the disagreement on my way down."

"Thank you," Michaela whispered as she moved up the stairs following Rebecca. "Where is Emily?"

"With Sully in his old room." Michaela gave her an odd look. "He was coming up to get something as I was coming down with her. He offered to take her up." They had ascended the stairs now and they heard Emily's voice emanating from Michaela's room.

"Sorry," Rebecca said holding her mouth funny.

"It's fine. Sully knew I wouldn't mind," Michaela assured Rebecca.

Rebecca and Michaela stood in the doorway watching as Emily lay on the bed and Sully sat on the edge rubbing her back. Emily was quiet now and Sully was telling her a story. His voice was soft and gentle as the words seemed to flow out of him lulling the young girl to sleep.

"One day when the princess was out walking on the shore, she found his boat and she discovered that he was not dead but very sick. And so she took him to a secret place and slowly he got better."

"He didn't die?" Emily yawned as her little eyes fluttered closed.

"Shh.." he hushed her as his fingers continued to make circles against her back. "No, he didn't die. He fell in love with the princess who had brought him back from the dead. But he could not stay in Ireland because if the princess' father found him, he would put him in jail. So he went home again and everyone was very happy to see him. Only he was very sad because he missed the princess." Sully's voice trailed off as the rhythm of Emily's breathing became more and more regular. Slowly he lifted his hand from her back and when she did not stir, he moved off the bed. Immediately, he spotted the women at the door as a light blush crept up his cheeks.

"Thank you," Rebecca whispered as he drew closer. "You're a great story teller."

"I learned that one from Michaela," he replied turning his eyes to her briefly.

Michaela couldn't help saying something else. "He'll make a wonderful father one day."

Rebecca nodded. "Yes, he will."

--------------------------------------------------------

**Colorado Springs, 1867**

Michaela woke to a light murmur that sounded like Sully's voice but it seemed far away. Slowly she opened her eyes, looking first at his side of the bed only to find him laying upside down, his face close to her extended abdomen. "What are you doing?" she asked as a wide grin spread across her face.

"Shh.." Sully hushed her. "I'm tellin' our daughter a story and I'm almost finished.."

"Don't let me interrupt," she returned and Sully placed his attention back on her abdomen which he now began to lovingly stroke.

"And so even though they could never be together in life, they met again on the golden shores where their love lives on forever." He paused as he finished the last line, leaning closer to Michaela so that he could kiss the place where the baby was growing inside of her. "Don't worry little one. I ain't ever gonna be like that princess' father. Ya can marry anyone ya want."

Michaela laughed. "Yes, your papa's not like your grandfather," she said sarcastically as she rolled over onto her back.

"Do ya need some help?" Sully asked as he watched her throw off the covers.

"No, I can still do it," she replied giving him a wary look. She caught site of her ankles. "I can't believe they're still this swollen." She placed her feet on the floor to stand but suddenly sank back on the bed, clenching her eyes closed tightly.

"Michaela?" Sully asked, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "Are ya okay?"

"Don't worry, just dizzy," she assured him as she hoisted herself up once more. Yet once again, she found the room spinning. "Okay, really dizzy," she said lying back down in the bed. Sully turned to look at her fully. Her face had grown ashen and she winced in pain, shutting her eyes tightly. "Sully… I… something's not right…."

---------------------------------------------

**Boston – November 29, 1852**

Later that evening Sully and Michaela sat tucked at the top of the stairs in their favorite hiding place. The family filled various rooms below, talking and laughing and never once missing the two of them who they assumed were off playing with the children.

"That was a close call today," Sully remarked. "When Emily first said that…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head. "But ya looked so calm."

"Well as you can see I'm not wearing the necklace. There was no where to hide it. It feels weird too. I haven't taken that ring off my finger or my neck since you gave it to me. I feel sort of naked."

Sully giggled at her choice of words as a hearty blush descended on Michaela's cheeks. "Don't look naked to me," he teased wrapping an arm around her shoulder so that he could draw her close.

"Sully I'm sorry I told you we should wait until after Christmas to make our relationship known. I get so worried sometimes that my family isn't going to accept us." As she finished speaking, she nervously chewed on her bottom lip waiting for Sully's reaction.

"That's normal," he assured her, feeling better himself at her apology.

"Today, when Emily said what she did about my ring, I was ready to tell them the whole thing if necessary."

Sully's heart felt strangely warm as emotion overcame him. "Thank you," he breathed against her hair. "I needed to know that." Michaela laced her fingers through his as she laid her head against his shoulder.

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Josef moved across the room towards the bed noticing how Elizabeth smiled at him as he drew near. This slightly perplexed him as he was expecting at least a small disagreement about Michaela's behavior today. Yet so far she had said nothing about it and now as he climbed into bed, she snuggled close to him, her hand lying against his chest. "What a perfect day," she sighed.

"It was rather nice," Josef agreed casting his eyes down at her to try and see the expression on her face.

"I wish Claudette could have been here."

Josef laughed. "She'll be here for Christmas, he reminded her.

"What do you think about David?" she asked, changing the subject quickly to take him be surprise.

"Seems nice enough. Though I'm not sure Mike's too impressed with him." He suppressed a chuckle here not wanting to set Elizabeth off.

"He fully supports her becoming a doctor," she continued looking up at Josef to gage his reaction. He only nodded and looked towards the end of the bed, his eyes not meeting hers. "I know you don't want to think about your baby actually liking boys but I really need your help here Josef. Michaela won't even give David a chance. Maybe you could talk to her?"

Josef frowned at her question and his body grew rigid. "No, Elizabeth, I don't think that is a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because unlike you, I refuse to play matchmaker for any of our daughters."

Elizabeth pulled completely away from him now and sat up so that she could see him better. "Any of our daughters? Or just Michaela?"

"Well considering that the rest of our daughters are already married, it really is a mute point." Josef sat up now too and swung his feet over the side of the bed. The anger was growing inside of him as Elizabeth continued to prod.

"You don't want her to get married, do you?" she asked suddenly everything becoming crystal clear.

"Don't be ridiculous," Josef tossed off the suggestion as he stood. "I simply want her to be happy."

"And I assume that you know what will make her happy?" Elizabeth returned.

"She wants to be a doctor Elizabeth. That is going to take concentration. Boys and marriage will only distract her. I want her to achieve her dream and yes I will block out anything that threatens to destroy it."

"Her dream or yours?" Elizabeth's voice was cutting. Josef glared at her and quickly grabbed his pillow off the bed.

"I'll be in Sully's room," he informed her as he turned towards the door. Elizabeth shook her head but didn't try to stop him. Everything began to descend on her at once and she felt extremely angry that Josef would purposefully keep his daughter from what Elizabeth considered her natural duties. Crossing her arms, she let out an angry breath more determined than ever to find Michaela a suitable husband.

**----------------------------------------------------**

**Boston – December 5, 1852**

Sully let himself through the door in the hedge and walked slowly towards the cottage. Dinner at seven at the Quinn's. Not a bad way to spend your birthday but not the way Sully would have chosen if he could have. It was a hospital day for Michaela and so he hadn't even been able to sneak a few quiet moments alone with her today. He knew he was only feeling sorry for himself and that it was pointless. Yet it seemed unfair that he couldn't be alone with Michaela on his birthday. Dejectedly, he opened the door to the cottage only to be surprised by a roaring fire with Michaela sitting in front of it.

"Happy birthday," she said, her voice soft and melodious. She rose from her place on the floor, shaking her hair back as she did so. Soft curls fell behind her shoulders mesmerizing Sully as he stood in the doorway with his mouth slightly open. "Surprised?" she asked pushing the door shut behind him and then lifting up to place a soft kiss to his lips.

"Yeah," he said drawing his arms around her. "I thought ya were at the hospital today."

"I was and now I'm here." Michaela began to pull away from him, taking his hand in hers and leading him across the room to sit in front of the fire. "Father thinks I'm picking up your gift."

"So since you're here, does that mean no gift?" Sully asked a huge grin spreading across his face as he kneeled down in front of her.

"I'm not enough of a gift?" Michaela replied cheekily raising a hand to the nape of his neck. Sully reached out to touch the area beneath her neck where the ring usually hid, but Michaela softly shook her head and held out her hand. He smiled as his eyes met the shining stone.

"I wanted to wear it properly for a little while. After all it is a special occasion." Sully took her hand in his and lifted it to his mouth to place a kiss to her ring finger.

"Thank ya,' he returned, his eyes locking with hers across the short distance. "I was just havin' a pity party for myself as I walked up here," he admitted slyly. "You've been on my mind all day."

Michaela laid her hand against his cheek. "I know the feeling." Her tongue came out to moisten her lips as she anxiously anticipated the kiss. Sully leaned in towards her turning his head to the side, his lips already parted when they met hers. His hands were in her hair, massaging her scalp as he moved his fingers in dizzying circles. As often happened when they kissed, Michaela forget to breathe momentarily and pulled back gasping for breath. Sully's eyes were still closed and the look on his face made Michaela's heart race with desire. Quickly, she placed kisses to the corners of his lips as he shivered with delight. Lightly, she brushed her lips against his as she hovered in front of him.

Sully could feel her warm breath against his lips and he swallowed hard trying to control the reaction of his body to her eagerness. Their lips met again, Michaela's bottom lip pulled in between his as he lightly nibbled on it with his teeth. The sensation was incredible and he heard her gasp in delight deepening the kiss further as her tongue found his. When he pulled back for a moment, Michaela continued to caress his neck with her lips. Usually her kisses were soft but these had an intensity he had never felt from her before and he didn't want her to stop.

A blast of cold air hit them as the cottage door flew open and Marjorie stepped in. "Okay that's enough," she teased unable to resist smirking at the annoyed looks on both of their faces.

"Marjorie," Michaela scolded. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking? What if Sully was indisposed?"

"I knew you were here. Remember you came through the house. So I knew Sully wasn't indisposed - though it looks like I interrupted things right in time." Again she gave them a little smirk, her eyes full of amusement. "Besides I'm only here to bring this mail over to Sully." She smiled at them knowingly as she set the letter down on the table near the door. "I'll see you both at the party tonight." With that she sauntered out the door, closing it neatly behind her.

"I will never understand her," Michaela sighed as Sully rose to retrieve the letter. "One week she's against us and the next week she's almost helping us." Sully laughed as he turned the letter over and tore open the envelope. Michaela watched as he read the contents and felt her stomach clench at the emotions playing across his face. "Who's it from?" she asked casually.

"Daniel."

"Is he sending birthday wishes?" Somehow she knew he wasn't but still she held out hope. Sully turned slightly so that she could not see him as well. "Sully?" she asked nervously wondering exactly what was in the letter.

Their eyes met as he began to move towards her, holding out the paper in her direction. "Why don't you read it?" he whispered. Michaela took the letter in her hands as her eyes began to silently pour over the lines. She was only partially aware that Sully knelt behind her. It was only when she felt his head resting on her shoulder that she fully realized he was there, reading the letter with her. His arms encircled her as she dropped the paper to her side, leaning back against him. "Are you going to go?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Sully replied honestly unsure of what he should do. "I feel like I should. It sounds like he really needs my help." Michaela nodded her head slowly in agreement though her heart was screaming out no. "At the same time, I don't wanna leave ya."

"How long would it take to help Daniel get everything set up?"

"I don't know. I mean it depends on a lot of different factors. I can't believe he actually found silver. Owning his own mine is his dream come true."

Suddenly Michaela pulled away from Sully quickly changing the subject as she did so. "I almost forgot about your birthday present." Her voice was cheerful enough but Sully knew full well it was a forced cheerfulness.

"Michaela if ya don't want me to go, say the word and I'll stay."

She froze in the middle of the room and pivoted slowly to look at him. "I can't," she whispered. Sully's eyes burned deep into her soul as she stood there. Brushing aside a stray tear, she opened her mouth to speak again but found words were beyond her. Again, she turned to retrieve the present and arrived with it in front of Sully a few moments later.

Sully wasn't concerned about the present, only about Michaela who had dropped her eyes to the floor as she tried to hand him the wrapped box. "Michaela, please look at me," he whispered as his hand covered hers. Tentatively, she raised her eyes afraid of what Sully might see there. "You're the most important person to me. Daniel's my friend but I ain't gonna help him if it means makin' ya miserable."

"I feel so selfish saying don't go though. I know you miss Colorado terribly and it makes me sad to think of how much you are giving up to be here."

"I don't gotta decide anythin' today," Sully reminded her. "Why don't we wait – not let this letter ruin an otherwise perfect day." Michaela gave him a weak smile even though she knew they were only postponing the inevitable. She thrust the box towards him again and this time he took it, smiling as he did so. "Thank ya," he whispered.

"You haven't even seen it yet. You might want to open it before you say thank you."

"I'd love anythin' from ya." His hands made short work of the paper as he quickly barred the box to his view. Inside was a leather jacket, tanned and perfectly weathered.

"I noticed that your coat has seen better days." She brought her hand over to run across the lay of the leather. "This one reminded me of pictures I've seen of the west. It made me think of you." Sully was still very quiet, prompting her to ask, "Do you like it?"

Sully raised his head, meeting her face with a broad smile on his own. "I love it," he returned pulling it out of the box and shaking out its fullness. Quickly he stood and pulled it on as Michaela rose to stand before him, smiling on admiringly. "Thank you," he said again his tone sincere as his eyes communicated his gratefulness. "Thank you for not tryin' to make me fit in here but givin' me somethin' so special." Sully pulled her close so that Michaela could smell the rich leather. She breathed in deeply placing her hands on either side of his chest.

"Happy Birthday," she whispered as she leaned in to kiss him once again.

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**December 15, 1852**

Exactly ten days had passed since that letter had first arrived. Though they didn't talk about it much, the decision continued to way heavily on their minds. Sully knew he needed to make a decision soon, even if only to end the uncertainness of everything. The truth was he didn't want to leave Michaela here in Boston but only because he knew he would miss her. He wasn't scared anymore of her doubting his love. In the weeks following his proposal, he had only seen her grow more and more courageous and outspoken. The fire and tenacity that he loved was back. Three days ago, he had stood in the audience as she had spoken at an abolition rally. Josef was at his side and both were beaming with pride at Michaela's poise and persuasive words.

Michaela was right – he did miss Colorado and it would be nice to return even if only for a little while. Of course, he still planned on settling their family there after Michaela finished medical school but that was still a few years off he knew. Somehow the waiting was just as hard in Boston as it had been when he was in Colorado. And sometimes it felt harder because here she was so close but still so far away. This particular afternoon, he had left work earlier and walked to Back Bay in order to give himself time to think. He would make a decision and tell her tonight.

The Quinn annual Christmas party was that evening and Michaela had spent the afternoon getting ready for it. Each piece of hair was meticulously curled and in place. Her dress was a rich burgundy which made the copper in her hair stand out in the soft glow from the candles. When Everett and Marjorie arrived, she began to get a little worried. She had thought Sully was going to come with them. Nervously she wandered the house, absentmindedly greeting guests as her eyes continually shifted towards the door. Each time it opened her heart leapt within her chest, only to be disappointed over and over again.

Somehow she actually missed his arrival. He had slipped in quickly without the display of pomp some arriving guests insisted on. She was standing silently against the wall of the morning room and Sully quickly made his way to her. He stepped in close, not even considering the many eyes in the room that might be observing them. "Can we go somewhere and talk?" he asked as her eyes flew up to his. Silently, she nodded, seeing in his eyes that he had decided.

Wordlessly, Sully followed her up the stairs, his heart beating quickly as he began to fear her reaction. She slipped into her bedroom and he followed her in, shutting the door behind them. Her arms wrapped around his torso and she laid her head against his chest. "You've decided," she said, her voice shaky at best. Sully placed a finger under her chin and raised her head so that he could lean in close to her.

"Let's not talk about it now," Sully whispered against her ear. He had felt her body tense and he began to have second thoughts about telling her tonight.

"You've decided, haven't you?" Michaela whispered again. She moved her hands up, entwining them in his hair and holding his cheek next to hers.

"Yes," Sully breathed out slowly. As the word left his mouth, she knew what his decision was. Maybe she had known all along. That didn't matter now though. With each second that passed she was closer to telling him good-bye again and that thought alone was paralyzing.

"When?" Her voice was frail and cracked as she asked. The first unbidden tear slipped down her cheek and spotted the front of her dress.

Sully swallowed against his own emotion. "After the New Year. We'll have three weeks."

Silence descended between them. Michaela continued to hold Sully against her face and Sully's hands remained wrapped around her waist. She took deep breaths and as the air filled her lungs, a courage that she had never felt before seemed to encompass her. "No," she spoke, her voice stronger than before. Sully suddenly felt fully alert and he pulled back to look at her wondering at the transformation that had taken place. "We have our whole lives," she replied smiling up at him. One hand immediately went to touch the ring she wore on her finger beneath her glove. "I will carry you with me."

Sully smiled at her. "I promise I'll be home in the spring for Josef's birthday."

"You better be or I'm coming out to Colorado to find you." She laughed playfully, her hands wrapping around his neck once more. "I'll concentrate on school. You'll help Daniel. I'll miss you…" Her voice trailed off as she spoke this truth into the space between them.

"And I'll miss ya."

"I'll write."

"Me too." As these last two words left his mouth, they tightened their hold on one another. Each one dreading the moment when they had to let go and descend the stairs to the party below.


	73. Chapter 73

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- three**

**Boston – December 20, 1852**

Sully pulled the pillow over his head trying to drown out the noise that threatened to wake him from his slumber. He was dreaming and it was such a beautiful dream about Michaela that he didn't want to end. Yet still the incessant pounding continued as if it were boring into his brain. Throwing the pillow off of his head, he sat up abruptly and tossed the covers back. Someone was knocking at the door of the cottage and he assumed it was Marjorie. Slowly he made his way through the sitting area as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Marjorie what do you want?" Sully called through the door, realizing he was shirtless.

"It's not Marjorie," Michaela called back and he quickly opened the door to her letting in a blast of cold air.

"Why didn't you open the door?" she asked as she quickly closed it behind her.

"I thought it was Marjorie and I don't have a shirt on," he replied wandering back into the bedroom.

"So I see. Were you still sleeping?" She giggled as she asked knowing full well he was.

"Yeah," Sully replied coming back into the room with a quilt wrapped around him.

"Hmm."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh..nothing… one day after you quit your job and you've already turned lazy on me,' she teased. "You haven't even started a fire and it's freezing in here."

"Ya can join me under here," he offered holding the quilt open to her.

Michaela threw off her wool cloak and pulled off her gloves, before bounding across the floor to settle down beside him. Sully pulled the quilt over her far shoulder and she grabbed it with her hand pulling it fully around herself to meet the corner Sully held near his chest. She sighed happily as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck.

"I think I was dreamin' about this a few minutes ago before I was interrupted." Michaela giggled again, her breath warm against his neck sending tingles up and down his spine. "Not that I'm not enjoyin' it but why exactly are ya here this early on a Saturday mornin'?"

"Cookies," she simply replied.

"What about cookies?"

"First of all it's not that early. Someone likes to sleep in. And today is the day Marjorie and I are going to bake Christmas cookies, remember? You said you were going to help."

"That's right. You and Marjorie are gonna pretend ya can cook today."

"Sully," Michaela chided him. "I've learned a lot from Ida. You might be surprised."

"Ya never cease to surprise me," he whispered as he turned to place a kiss to the top of her head.

"As much as I'd like to sit wrapped in a quilt with you all day, I better get back to Marjorie's. I do hope you'll be along soon before she gets too testy."

Sully laughed as he rose. "I'm gonna get dressed right now."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked as he began to cross the room. As he turned to look at her again, she closed her eyes and tilted her head up in the air. Sully returned to her and placed a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Good morning," he whispered as he pulled away.

Michaela opened her eyes and smiled at him as she slipped her tongue out to lick her lips. "Good morning," she returned as she reached for her gloves and cloak. As soon as the bedroom door closed behind him, she pulled on her outer vestments to head back to Marjorie's. The winter wind blew extremely cold and as she looked up at grey clouds blanketing the sky, she couldn't help but wonder if it might snow today. She picked up the edge of her cloak, which nearly touched the ground, in order to run the rest of the distance, but her shoe caught in one of the cobblestones and she fell to the ground hitting her knee along the edge of the walkway. Stunned, she rolled to her side and tried to catch her breath, her knee throbbing from the impact.

Sully had washed and changed quickly. After slipping on his coat, he let himself out into the frosty air pulling the collar of his jacket up to shield his neck and lower face from the wind. It was then that he spotted Michaela splayed out along the ground and he took off at a brisk run stopping just in front of her.

"Michaela, what's wrong?"

"I fell," she replied shaking her head as if annoyed. Before she had time to say another word, Sully was bending to scoop her up in his arms, already moving towards the back door.

"I'm not hurtin' ya am I?" he asked.

Michaela shook her head. "No," she grimaced. "It just hurts in general. I think I must have cut it." They had reached the back door now and he used his foot to bang on it.

Marjorie opened the door herself. "What took you so…" Her voice trailed off. "What happened?"

"I fell," Michaela repeated for her sister's benefit. "It's my knee."

Sully sat her down on the nearest space of countertop, not wasting a second in pushing up her skirt. "Sully," Marjorie scolded. "Don't you think I should be doing that?"

Sully ignored her as he revealed a torn stocking and a gash in her knee. "Get a clean towel," Michaela instructed Marjorie who quickly turned to retrieve one. "It's going to need stitches," she said raising her eyes to Sully.

"Are ya gonna stitch it up yourself?" Sully looked up at her curiously. He knew she was perfectly capable of doing it.

"Don't be ridiculous," Marjorie interjected. "We are taking her to the hospital. I'll have the carriage prepared right now." With that she ran to find one of the servants to do her bidding.

"Do ya want to go to the hospital?"

"No, not particularly. I could stitch it myself," she said shyly. "But I have a feeling I've done more than just cut it." Sully continued to apply pressure to the cut on her knee with his right hand while his left hand absentmindedly stroked the inside of her leg just above her knee.

"What?" he said noticing the strange expression on her face. She blushed and dropped her eyes bringing her hand to cover his, stilling it. Now she took it in her own lacing her fingers through his. "I wasn't…I didn't mean…" Sully felt embarrassed by his actions and wondered what was going through her mind.

"It's okay," she whispered as she raised her head. Her eyes shone with love and he relaxed immediately. She wanted to say something else, to tell him that it had felt good. To explain to him about the tingles that his touch sent shooting through her body but she grew shy again. Instead she let go of his hand and brought both of hers up to cup his face, leaning in to rest her forehead against his. "What am I going to do when you're gone?"

"You're gonna hold onto this and think about me." His free hand went up to touch the ring through her shirt just as Marjorie came back into the room.

"Sully!" she exclaimed misreading the situation. Michaela couldn't help but smile as she looked at Sully's face noticing how he had blushed.

"It wasn't what it looked like Marjorie," Michaela tried to explain but Marjorie simply waved her hand. "None of my business. Now come on, the carriage is ready."

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**Boston – December 21, 1852**

The trip to the hospital had gone fairly quickly. When Josef had found out she was there, he insisted on treating her himself. He soon had her knee stitched up and though he knew it would be sore for a few days, he detected no other injuries. They had ridden back to the Quinn house then so that Michaela could rest her leg as Josef had instructed. The afternoon the three of them had passed by playing games of various sorts, neither one noticing until later that snow had begun to fall. By the time, Josef arrived home, it was deep and it was decided that Marjorie should stay for the night. She had left Everett a note letting him know where she was and she assumed he would see the snow and know she had stayed for the night.

The next morning, Michaela's knee was already much improved and the snow had already begun to melt. After a leisurely breakfast, Marjorie decided that she better get home to Everett now that the streets were somewhat passable. Sully went as well albeit reluctantly, promising to check in on Michaela the next day. The ride was slow but Back Bay wasn't too far and they soon pulled up in the drive.

Sully jumped out of the carriage and reached up to help Marjorie down. "Be careful," he warned. "It's icy and we don't need another one of ya gettin' stiches."

Marjorie laughed. "No that would be bad." There eyes met for a moment and Sully took a deep breath ready to speak to her about what she had seen the day before. "I'm not going to tell anyone about the two of you," she said cutting him off. "As far as I am concerned it's not anyone else's business. I know what it's like to feel their disapproval. I would never wish that on Michaela or on you."

"Thank ya," Sully whispered his head dropped to the ground as he kicked at the snow with his feet.

"It's not going to be easy though. You can't expect..." The back door opened and then slammed causing Marjorie to stop talking and turn suddenly. Sully looked up as well to see Everett marching towards them, his hands clenched at his sides.

"Where have you been?" he said forcefully his eyes boring into Marjorie's. He acted as if Sully wasn't there.

"I left a note," Marjorie explained. "I thought you would figure it out what with the snow and everything."

"You expect me to believe you were at your parents all night?"

"Where else would I have been?" Marjorie asked feeling braver than usual with Sully here to stand guard. Her eyes flew over towards Sully who stood awkwardly off to the side not sure if he should leave or not. "You can ask Sully. He was there as well."

"It's true," Sully interjected casting a questioning look at Marjorie.

"Of course," Everett said straightening up. "I was worried, that's all." Marjorie knew this was mostly for Sully's benefit and she let out a deep sigh wondering how Everett would react once they were behind closed doors. "Come on, let's get you inside out of the cold." Everett took her arm.

"Bye, Sully," she called turning around to wave over her shoulder.

"See ya," Sully replied observing the way Everett gripped her arm so tightly. He stood watching them depart unsure of what he should do. He didn't like the way that Everett had spoken to Marjorie and he vowed to watch this in the future.

Once inside the house, Everett gave her a hard shove knocking her against the kitchen counter. "When a man comes home, he expects his wife to be here," he exclaimed. "Not off at her parent's house pretending as if she were a single woman!" Marjorie dropped her head deciding not to fight back. Maybe then he wouldn't get so angry with her. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I'm sorry," Marjorie muttered. "Michaela was hurt. I needed to go with her." Still she did not raise her head to look at him.

"So Michaela's more important than me, is that it?"

"No, but she was hurt."

Everett acted as if he hadn't even heard her though. "Next thing you'll be wanting the vote too."

He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her towards him unexpectedly. His lips came down overtop of hers as he forced his tongue into her mouth. She jerked away without thinking causing Everett to increase his grip on her. "I thought you wanted another child," he mocked.

"You've been drinking," she whispered finally meeting his gaze.

"So what if I have? You're still my wife and if I want to be with you I will."

"I don't feel well," she lied trying to step back away from him.

His eyes narrowed as he considered her. His hand went to the back of her neck as he pulled her head towards him, again forcefully kissing her. His breath was rancid and it made Marjorie's stomach turn but she stopped resisting him. There was no use she decided. He had never been what she would consider gentle in their intimate moments and to have him be rough would be too painful, and so it seemed easier to simply let him have his way. Dutifully she followed him upstairs to their room, undressing methodically. Never had she felt more shameful than at the moment he pushed her back on the bed. She kept her head turned to the side, waiting for him to finish and when he finally did roll off of her, all she could do was cry.

Afterwards she had her chambermaid, draw a bath and she locked herself away letting the warm water wash her free of the guilt and shame that Everett made her feel. She thought about telling her mother or her father about Everett but she knew they would only be disappointed and she wasn't sure she could bare that on top of what she already felt. A horrible thought occurred to her then- what if she became pregnant? "Please don't let that happen," she whispered looking up towards the ceiling. "Please don't let me get pregnant."

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**Christmas Day – December 25, 1852**

Sully stood politely behind Everett and Marjorie waiting for the front door of the Quinn household to open. He had ridden over in their carriage, planning to stay the night as they would leave to visit Everett's family later in the day. His bag was held in one hand while the other held tight to the present hidden in his jacket. He stamped his feet trying to stay off the cold from turning his legs numb. The temperature was below freezing and had been for close to a week. Finally, Harrison opened the door and they hurried inside out of the bitter weather.

"Merry Christmas," Josef greeted them, his voice loud and booming as it resounded through the foyer. He stood in the door of the morning room, smiling broadly as they arrived. Michaela and Elizabeth soon joined him each walking out into the foyer to hug the new arrivals. Elizabeth reached Sully first, leaning in to place a light kiss to his cheek.

"Merry Christmas Elizabeth," he said once the shock of her actions had worn off a bit.

"Merry Christmas to you as well," she replied before moving on to Everett and Marjorie.

"Well, son, take your coat off and stay awhile," Josef laughed as he gave him a hearty hug slapping him on the back in greeting. Sully knew he must look odd with his coat still on but he wasn't ready to take it off just yet as it still concealed Michaela's present.

"I will," he said jovially as Josef waited for Michaela to finish hugging Everett so that he could greet him.

Michaela stood in front of Sully now, a huge grin on her face. Hastily she jumped at him, throwing her arms around his neck for a hug. "Merry Christmas," she whispered in his ear excitedly.

Sully felt the present move and he knew Michaela had felt it as well. Pulling away from him, she gave him an odd look. "Sully is your coat moving?" she asked, puzzled about what she had just felt.

Finally, he opened up his coat to reveal a small brown and white beagle puppy peeking out at her. A large red bow was around his neck and he sniffed at Michaela as she held her hands out to him. "Merry Christmas," Sully said as he passed the puppy to her outstretch arms.

"It's mine?" she asked in amazement staring down at the little creature who was wriggling with excitement. Sully nodded, pleased with the look of amusement on her face. "Thank you," she replied throwing one arm around Sully while the other continued to hold the dog at her side. "Does she…" Her voice trailed off as she turned him over briefly to look at his underside. "I mean does he have a name?"

"Not yet. You're supposed to name him, silly. It's gonna be your dog. Well if ya want him."

"Of course I want him," Michaela replied as she brushed her nose against the top of his head. Looking at the puppy, a wide smile crossed her face. "Now we will have to think of a name for you." She wrinkled up her nose and giggled as the puppy began to lick her face.

"Sully I think you've managed to turn our daughter into a little girl again," Josef remarked as he drew closer to pat the dog on the head. "It's been awhile since we had a dog in the house. It might be nice to have one again."

Michaela smiled up at Sully. "Thank you," she said again. Sully could tell there was more she wanted to say and to be honest there was plenty more he wanted to say as well but both would have to wait for later when they could sneak off for a little while.

"Let's not stand in the foyer," Elizabeth called over everyone. "Come on into the morning room and as soon as Rebecca and Robert arrive, we'll have brunch." No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the doorbell rang again. The three children came running in first squealing when they saw the puppy in Michaela's arms. The dog, who had finally settled a little, now went wild as the children gathered around.

Anne and Robert were each tall enough that they could see and touch the puppy but Emily stood on the floor reaching up hopefully. Sully scooped her up in his arms and brought her closer so that she could pet him. "Whose dog?" asked Anne.

"He's mine. Sully gave him to me for Christmas."

"Did you get us a dog too?" Robert asked, his eyes growing wide in delight.

"Sorry, Robert." Sully shook his head and pressed his lips together trying to hide a smile.

"Thank the Lord," Rebecca muttered under her breath making her husband laugh.

"No, we don't need one of those, do we dear?" He leaned over and pressed a light kiss to her hair. She smiled up at him sweetly as Josef and Elizabeth descended upon the new arrivals.

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Having rescued the puppy from the children, Michaela held him in her lap as she and Sully sat at the top of the stairs in their favorite hiding place. All of Michaela's sisters were there now, making their absence less noticeable and as usual most assumed they were off with the children which both preferred to the adult company. The puppy sat in Michaela's lap, exhausted from a long Christmas Day of being chased by children. His front paws laid on either said of his head, his eyes closed tight. Michaela continued to stroke his back softly while Sully and she talked.

"Have ya thought of a name yet?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I've thought of lots of names but picking one is hard. What if I wake up tomorrow and regret the name I picked?"

Sully couldn't help but laugh. "Only ya," he teased.

"I want a name that reminds me of you. I thought about naming him Byron."

Sully shook his head. "Even a dog shouldn't have that name."

"I like it," Michaela said turning to smile at Sully. "And every time I say his name I shall think of you."

"That was my intention. I wanted someone to keep ya company when I leave."

"I'm afraid I won't enjoy his kisses quite as much," she whispered leaning into him. Sully smiled down at her, drawing his arm around her shoulder as he lowered his head to plant a quick kiss on her lips. "Though I don't know... he likes to use his tongue as much as you do," she teased and then blushed terribly at her comment.

Sully's mouth flew open in mock surprise as he raised a finger to trace the outline of her lips. He took a staggering breath as it hit him that in ten days he would be telling her good-bye once again. Michaela heard his deep sigh and knew without asking it's cause. The same sigh could have come from her own mouth as the day of his departure grew ever closer. Snuggling against him, she tried to think of anything to get their minds off his leaving.

"I think Marjorie is going to miss you when you're gone," she said knowing that she hadn't really changed the subject but it was the best she could come up with at the moment.

Her sister's name jogged Sully's memory. He hadn't been able to tell her about what he had witnessed a few days ago. "Michaela," he said, his voice growing extremely serious. She raised her head to look up at him after hearing his tone. "When Marjorie and I went home the day after your fall, Everett yelled at her for not being home the night before. I'm worried about her."

Concern clouded Michaela's face. "It wasn't just an argument?"

"It was more like he was scolding a child. But I wouldn't talk to a child, the way he was talking to Marjorie. Maybe after I leave ya can go over there a bit more. I know the two of ya aren't exactly close."

Michaela interrupted him before he could finish. "Sully I will."

"Be careful though. I don't really want ya around Everett," Sully advised as worry wrinkled his face.

"I will," she said laying her head back in the crook of his neck. She loved it when Sully was protective of her. "I could lie here all night."

"I wish," Sully replied letting the possibility of holding her in his arms all night run through his mind. A squeal of laughter and the sound of feet running through the foyer caught their attention and they pulled apart just to be safe.

Emily appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "I found you," she laughed pointing up at them. Slowly she made her way up the stairs in their direction.

"We've been found," Sully repeated as he and Michaela began to laugh.

"Shh... puppy's sleeping," she scolded as she settled in between the two of them on the stairs. "Aunt Michaela give him name?"

"Yes, sweetie. I named him Byron." She smiled slyly over at Sully who was shaking his head.

"That a funny name," Emily said holding her little belly as she began to laugh. "You give puppy a funny name."

"See?" Sully replied pretending to be upset.

"I think it's a lovely name," Michaela said laying a hand on his shoulder behind Emily's back.

"Me too," Emily squealed. "Can I tell him?"

"Can you tell who?" Michaela gave her a confused look.

"Can I tell the puppy his name is Byron?" Michaela nodded as she and Sully shared a smile. Quickly the little girl dropped her head so that it was near the dog's ear. "Aunt Michaela named you Byron, puppy."

A voice boomed from the bottom of the stairs. "Who is hiding up there?" Robert, Rebecca's husband, called up.

"Me, papa, and Sully and Aunt Michaela and Byron!"

"Who is Byron?" he asked as Rebecca joined him at the bottom of the stairs.

"The puppy, papa," she informed him. The three of them rose and began to descend realizing the hour was late and it was most likely time for everyone to start leaving.

"Byron," Anne repeated as she rounded the corner. "That's a stupid name for a puppy."

"Anne," Rebecca chided. "We don't use that word."

Sully couldn't help but smile as he looked over at Michaela. "Watch this," he whispered.

"Michaela named him after me since I gave him to her. My first name is Byron."

Anne turned scarlet as she dropped her head and gritted her teeth. Michaela knew that it was mean to gloat but she couldn't help feeling happy that her niece had finally been put in her place.

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**Boston – December 1862**

Michaela softly stroked his back, watching for any sign that he had stopped breathing. It had all happened so quickly and to her it still seemed surreal. The way he had dashed out of the house. The moment, she realized that the carriage driver didn't see him. The sharp bark he had let out as the wheel crushed his midsection.

"Michaela, I have to put him out of his misery," Josef gently whispered near her ear bringing her back to reality.

"I know. Could you just give me a minute with him?" Josef thought the request strange but he nodded and left the room to prepare the injection.

"You are one of the few things I have left of him," Michaela whispered against the dog's ear. "I don't want you to die." Tears clouded her eyes again beginning to fall onto the dog's fur. He whimpered and Michaela knew he was in great pain. "Father," she called and then placed a soft kiss to his head one last time. "I love you Bryon."

Within moments, Josef had arrived at the door. "Why don't you leave Mike- you don't want to watch this."

Michaela nodded her head as she moved towards the door, breaking into a run when she reached the other side. She knew exactly where she was headed and she didn't stop until she reached her destination. Flopping down into the middle of the bed that had been Sully's, she let the tears wash down her cheeks anew. "He's gone," she whispered to no one in particular, knowing that she was referring to Sully as well as the dog.

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**Boston - January 5, 1853 **

The next ten days were like a blur rushing by so quickly that Michaela and Sully felt as if they were caught up in a whirlwind that wouldn't let go of them. Josef had wanted to spend more time with Sully before he left and that seriously hampered the alone time Sully and Michaela could spend together. Still there were plenty of stolen moments, in his cottage, late at night at the Quinn house, walking on the Common. On the morning that he was leaving, Michaela woke up to a shower of wet kisses from Byron who had taken to sleeping on the end of her bed. With his wet nose, he rooted under the covers making her laugh as he tickled her unknowingly.

"You do remind me of Sully," she sighed rising from the bed to dress for the day. Already her heart felt heavy but she had vowed that she would try her best not to be a complete mess when she said good-bye to Sully. They had actually been very lucky with how things had worked out. Josef had an early surgery so he would not be around to see Sully off and Elizabeth was committed to watching the children for Rebecca as she had a doctor's appointment. It was to be just her and Sully at the platform and for that she was thoroughly grateful.

A light tap came to her door. "Come in," she called assuming it was Martha.

Yet when she turned towards the door, Sully stood there smiling at her. A light blush crept up her cheeks as she crossed her arms feeling suddenly naked to his eyes. She was still in her nightgown and though Sully had seen her so before, this felt different. "Sully, what about my parents?"

"Both gone," he informed her. "I just told them good-bye and watched them drive off." Unaware of her uncomfortableness, he crossed the room towards her placing a hand at her waist to draw her closer. "What's a matter?" he asked noticing the look on her face and the fact that she still held her arms in front of her chest.

"I'm still in my nightgown," she whispered looking up at him shyly.

"I've seen ya like this before."

"I know," she said biting on her bottom lip. "Things are different now though." Sully gave her a confused look but let go of her. She dropped her eyes but continued to try and explain. "We're engaged... and I ... I..." Michaela found it difficult to admit her own desires and so she simply looked up at him hoping that he would understand without her having to speak them out loud.

Sully saw the look, the fear and the desire written on her face and it spoke volumes to him. He wasn't being shunned, she was afraid of giving into temptation. "You don't have to be embarrassed," he assured her. "Those feelings are natural. But you're right we shouldn't tempt fate."

Having Sully understand her buoyed her own confidence. "That day at Marjorie's when your hand was on my leg. It felt incredible... I keep dreaming about that."

Sully couldn't help but smile as he considered her. Her cheeks were bright pink but her eyes continued to meet his. "Ya know I'm jealous of Byron cause he gets to sleep with ya." Michaela laughed. "I'll wait for ya downstairs," he said as he stepped towards the door.

It wasn't long before they were in the carriage on their way to the station. From the minute, they had entered they both knew this was their last chance for a private good-bye and they took full advantage of it. It started by holding each other close. The rich leather smell of Sully's coat filled her senses as she tried to memorize every feature, smell and sound. For the same reason, Sully had buried his nose in her hair taking deep gulping breaths as if he might somehow miss out on something if he didn't. Yet it wasn't long before things escalated, their hands running down each other's arms, moving up to caress a cheek. And then it was if they were magnets drawn to each other, unable to resist the force that was pulling or pushing them together.

Sully's hands were in her hair. Michaela's framed his face as they hungrily shared kiss after kiss, knowing that they would need to be more reserved on the station platform. Time and time again, one pulled away to catch their breath only to return seconds later unable to get enough of the other. Michaela felt as if she couldn't get close enough to him and she moved one of her hands inside of his coat to lie against his heart. The rhythm she found there seemed to course through her blood making her own heart beat loudly at connecting with its mate. Neither noticed the way the carriage windows had quickly fogged up hiding them from the outside world, each caught up only with thoughts of the other.

Sully pulled back to catch his breath as she continued to ply kisses to his neck. One of her hands came up to touch his lips and she was amazed at how warm they felt in the chilly air of the carriage. Sully drew her fingers into his mouth, sucking and nibbling at each one in turn. The sensation was incredible making Michaela gasp. Sully stopped abruptly unsure how to take the sound that had escaped her lips. "Don't stop," she pleaded swiftly raising her head to meet his lips once more. The words, her tone had an effect on Sully that he hadn't counted on but he did not pull away knowing that their arrival at the station was inevitable and would stop things from going too far.

Many times Michaela had felt the need to be close to him, to kiss him, to touch him but never had it been like this. Never had he awoken such a fire inside of her that she literally felt as if she was losing control. They never noticed as the carriage stopped and it was only when a light knock came to the door that they finally broke apart, their breathing heavy. Their hair and clothes were in disarray and Michaela couldn't help but giggle at the situation.

"Wow," Sully said. "That was amazin'."

Michaela could only nod, her eyes still glazed over with passion as her heartbeat began to finally slow down somewhat. Again the driver knocked on the carriage door. "One second," Michaela called out sweetly, running her hands over her hair. "Do I look alright?" she asked.

"Absolutely beautiful," Sully replied bringing his thumb up to trace her kiss swollen lips.

Michaela giggled. "I mean do I look presentable for the public eye?"

Sully nodded as he pulled his coat closed and prepared to open the carriage. He jumped down and then turned to take her hand as she stepped out. She smiled up at him knowingly and he couldn't help but stare at her blotchy skin still inflamed from their encounter in the carriage. She linked her arm through his as they made their way into the train station.

The train was already boarding when they arrived on the platform and Sully knew it would be better to simply get on than drag out the goodbye. He turned to face her. "Thank you," he whispered. "That was the best goodbye ever," he said.

Michaela smiled at him shyly. "Umm- hmm," she agreed as her eyes locked with his. "This is it." Sully wanted to pull her into his arms as the first tear slipped from the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek.

"This isn't fair. I wanna take ya in my arms," he whispered leaning his head toward hers unconsciously.

"I know," she said swiping at her cheeks. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry."

Sully couldn't help himself then. He pulled her swiftly to his chest, placing a light kiss to her cheek. "I love you," he breathed against her ear as a strangled sob escaped her lips. Even though he wanted to keep holding her, he knew he couldn't. Slowly, he released her and stepped backwards towards the train.

"No, wait," she cried. "I almost forgot." She reached into the pocket of her cloak and pulled out a small box. "Here."

"What is it?"

"I started thinking about how I had the ring and the puppy to remind me of you and I wanted you to have something as well." She closed her hand over his. "Open it on the train." Sully breathed in deeply, fighting a battle with his emotions. He nodded, afraid to speak at the moment. Again, he took a step backwards towards the train, his eyes still locked with hers. He watched as she mouthed the words I love you and her hand went up to her chest to cover the ring.

He turned breaking the connection; afraid to look back for fear that he wouldn't be able to get on the train- afraid that he wouldn't be able to leave her. Swiftly, he stepped forward praying that the five months that lay between them would pass quickly.


	74. Chapter 74

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- four**

**Boston – May 5, 1853**

A bright May sun shone down on the Common, reflecting off the water in blinding hues of color. Michaela sat on a blanket with Rebecca enjoying the warm afternoon and watching the children play nearby. Right after Sully had left in January, Rebecca had found out she was once again pregnant and was now entering her sixth month. The bump on her abdomen was considerably noticeable and Michaela thought she simply glowed with happiness. Michaela, on the other hand, did not feel very cheerful. She had hoped getting out of the house and taking a break from her studies would help but it seemed that even in the bright sunlight she could feel gloomy.

Rebecca had noticed her sullen state and couldn't help but to ask about it. "Michaela is something bothering you?"

"No, not really," she said intently staring at the grass as she answered. A deep sigh escaped her lips, as she felt Rebecca lay a hand on top of hers. "I don't know," she whispered now feeling that tears might overflow her eyelids at any moment.

"Is it the pressure of final exams at school?"

Michaela shook her head and swallowed when she realized Rebecca wasn't going to leave it alone. She wasn't sure what to say. Sully was not the reason for her depression but he was inexplicably tied up in the mix of everything that was going on. She missed him like crazy and that was a large part of why things had progressed to this point in the first place. He was the person she would normally talk to and though they wrote letters back and forth to each other faithfully, it wasn't the same as having him here beside her. "Father's been encouraging me to get involved with the Woman's Suffrage Movement. He thought that I would enjoy it."

Rebecca wrinkled her face up in confusion. She was fairly certain Michaela would have enjoyed it as well. "You don't?" she asked leaning in to better hear Michaela's voice which had grown awfully quiet.

"I do enjoy it – well parts of it anyway. Of course I believe that women should have the vote but it's not always about only that. Some of the women there are advocating other things as well."

"Like what?" Rebecca asked.

"There are some radicals who believe in…" she dropped her voice even lower as she leaned in towards Rebecca, "free love."

Michaela heard Rebecca gasp. "Does father know about this?"

"I don't know," Michaela said as she shrugged her shoulders. "There are only a handful of them. That really isn't what's bothering me though. Many of them are unmarried and they believe that in order for a woman to be truly free in our day and age, she must remain as such. They say that the laws that govern our nation give husbands all the rights turning them into tyrants. When I first started to get involved with the meetings, they all loved me when I told them that I planned to become a doctor. They saw that as infiltrating the man's world but they all assume that means I will never marry." She paused here for a moment wondering if she should say the next part but in the end she did. "I don't think father wants me to marry."

Rebecca laughed. "Fathers never want their daughters to get married. You should see how Robert acts when Anne is on one of her Sully kicks. He simply can't believe that his little girl is so infatuated with a boy already. Though I suppose I should say man. Sully certainly isn't a boy anymore." Michaela was glad that her face was still turned to the ground as she knew it was flushed. Her heart had sped up at just the mention of his name.

"I realize fathers are often over protective of their girls but I think it's more that that."

"Do you want to get married?" Rebecca asked suddenly wondering why this was so much of a dilemma for Michaela right now.

"I do," Michaela admitted still keeping her eyes low and her face turned down.

This took Rebecca by surprise simply because she had never noticed Michaela show any interest in boys. When Elizabeth had told her about David, she had thought Michaela might begin to court but after last year's Thanksgiving fiasco she no longer considered him as a possibility. It wasn't until that moment that it hit her and she wondered how in the world she could have been so blind. She had known that Elizabeth had been suspicious of the two of them but Rebecca had never seriously considered it. Memories rushed back to her now though. Looks she had seen exchanged, hushed conversations she had interrupted, finding them together at the top of the stairs with Emily last Christmas, Michaela's remark about Sully being a good father at Thanksgiving…. It all seemed to make perfect sense. Yet still she wasn't positive if there was a relationship already going on between them or if Michaela simply wanted there to be. After all, Sully seemed pretty set on staying in Colorado. Maybe their feelings weren't mutual.

Rebecca had been silent for a long time which finally caused Michaela to raise her head and look at her. "Did I shock you?" she asked when she noticed the look on Rebecca's face.

"No, I … I was only thinking about things. I mean … it's perfectly natural to want to get married. And you know that I fully support you're dreams to become a doctor. I suppose I am curious though on how you plan to do both. After all children are a natural consequence of marriage."

Michaela nodded and frowned all at the same time. This wasn't the first time she had thought about this and she knew it wouldn't be the last. Rebecca was right. What do you do when you have children? She knew families that had servants to keep the children but somehow she couldn't see Sully and herself having servants. Why did it have to be one or the other?

While Michaela was still working through the dilemma in her mind, Rebecca was more interested in discovering if there was a relationship between Michaela and Sully. "Is there someone you are interested in?" she asked cautiously.

Michaela looked up at her as if she was speaking in a foreign language. "What do you mean?"

"Has a certain boy prompted you to start thinking about marriage?" she asked again, this time a little more directly.

"Perhaps," Michaela answered feeling suddenly put on the spot. She could see that Rebecca was trying to find out information and she wasn't sure she was ready to divulge quite yet. To her luck, the children came running over each carrying a frog that they had managed to catch. That was sufficient enough to end the conversation but Michaela had a sneaking suspicion that she had not heard the end of it.

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**Colorado Springs – May 8, 1853**

Sully smiled to himself as he transferred the pocket watch from one hand to the other. He still had the note that had accompanied it, though he didn't need it. He had read it so many times that he knew it by heart.

_When I tried to decide what to get you- it was very hard. I wanted something that you would use but something that would remind you of me at the same time. I do hope you will use this. I know it is more Boston than Colorado but I decided that thinking of Boston might also make you think of me. I suppose the picture is fairly obvious._

Sully still laughed when he read it or even when he thought about it. Opening the watch, he smiled down at her picture. In two weeks he would be with her. It almost seemed too good to be true. When he had returned to Colorado, Daniel had been overjoyed to see him and Sully truly had missed him. Yet he somehow felt as if only part of him had returned to Colorado. The other part of him, he had left on the other side of the country and that was hard. Somehow in the four months he was with her, he had managed to forget the pain of the three years they were apart but this separation reminded him once again. Sometimes his heart ached for her and sometimes his arms missed her presence. Yes it was hard to be in Boston and not be able to be with her but it was just as hard to be so far away from her in Colorado.

"Sully?" Daniel called from somewhere behind him. Quickly Sully closed the watch and stuffed it back in his pocket.

"Yeah?" Sully replied turning around to look at him.

"Just wondered where ya got off to. Seem to go away a lot by yourself sometimes."

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' by yourself every once in a while."

Daniel smiled. "Ya gonna come back from Boston this time?"

"I came back last time."

"Yeah, after I practically begged ya too."

"There were things I needed to do last time. I plan on comin' back. I said I'd help ya and I ain't gonna just walk out now."

"Why ya gotta go at all?" Daniel asked the question that had been on his mind for weeks.

"I told ya – it's Josef's birthday. I promised to come back for it."

Daniel shook his head. "I don't understand what is so special about a birthday."

"Why don't ya want me to go?" Sully asked, his face wrinkled with confusion.

"I don't care if ya go."

Despite what Daniel said, Sully could tell he really did care. He wasn't quite sure why. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he viewed Sully as family since he didn't really have any himself. Sully certainly knew what that felt like and he couldn't help but empathize with Daniel. "Hey, I got an idea. Why don't ya come back to Boston with me?"

Daniel dropped his eyes to the ground as he thought about Sully's proposal. He had never been to Boston and it might be fun to have a little time away from the mine. Things were progressing so nicely with the mine and he did have a foreman he could trust. "How long would we be gone?"

"I was gonna stay for a couple weeks but ya could always come back before me," Sully suggested as he knew that once he was in Boston leaving Michaela again would be hard.

Daniel still looked as if he wasn't sure. "I don't know Sully, I just ain't gonna fit in there."

"Like I do?" Sully laughed. "Come on. Don't let that stop ya. Josef and Michaela ain't gonna look down at ya just cause you're different. Elizabeth is another matter but she tends to look down her nose at everyone." He laughed again, remembering suddenly the slight change he had perceived in her on his last visit. "Course even Elizabeth has been known to soften."

Taking a deep breath, Daniel lifted his head and smiled at Sully. "Okay, I'll come," he agreed.

---------------------------------------------

**Boston – May 12, 1853**

Gracefully Michaela slipped down the hall of the hospital keeping her eyes focused on the floor. She knew which room she was looking for and the less people who recognized her, the better. She moved against the wall as she came closer to her destination, stopping just outside of the wooden door. A deep breath and then she knocked. The sound seemed to resound off the walls, magnifying in the hallway almost as if it were alerting everyone of her presence.

"Come in," William called and she hastily opened the door to let herself inside. The office was small and cramped as most of the new doctor's offices were her at the hospital. He looked up at her surprisingly. "Michaela?" he asked as his eyes wandered over her form. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"William," she said in greeting, taking a step closer to his desk. "I need a favor and I thought maybe you could help me."

"I certainly will try," he replied indicating that she should have a seat. "What did you need? A recommendation?"

Michaela smiled at the thought. She wished it was something as simple as that. "No," she said and then grew silent trying to gather her thoughts.

William allowed her a moment but regarded her quizzically as he did. He was intrigued at her presence in his office. Certainly he saw her from time to time around the hospital with her father but there were only quick hellos exchanged as they passed each other. Never had he considered Michaela as someone he was interested in romantically. His thoughts on woman's place being in the home had not changed. Yet he could not deny her beauty and he had often heard his colleagues speak about her in that regard. Of course many of them also scoffed at her ambitions which William did not.

"William, I don't know how to say this. I have a friend who has an infection."

"An infection? What kind of infection?"

Michaela nodded her head and blushed deeply. "The kind a husband might pass to his wife."

"Oh, I see," William replied relaxing back into his chair, his eyes focused on the desk in front of him. A friend, he thought to himself wondering if that was really the truth.

"She can't go to the doctor and she asked if I could help."

William sighed loudly. "Michaela I would need to examine her."

"That's impossible," Michaela said already standing to leave. "I don't want to put you in a difficult situation. I understand if you can't help."

"Michaela, I want to help." William rose and came around the desk, softly touching her on the shoulder. "Michaela let me examine you." His voice was soft and gentle trying to reassure her that he would keep any secret she had.

"It really isn't me," she said, her eyes trained on the wall behind him. "I know how it sounds but …" Her voice trailed off.

"I know you're involved with the suffrage movement and I understand that some of those women practice free love. I don't want you to get the idea that I condone that lifestyle but the way you choose to live your life is your own business. I would never judge you."

Michaela felt as if she might cry. She knew that he might jump to the wrong conclusion but now that it had happened, she felt crushed. Glancing over at him hesitantly, she tried once more. "William, if it was me, I would get an examination. It isn't me." Her voice was adamant as her eyes pleaded with his. "I tried to convince her to see a doctor but she doesn't think she can."

"Why?" William asked, unsure what issue might prevent an examination.

"I'm sorry, William. I can't tell you that. I understand if you won't help." Michaela now sidestepped William so that she could move towards the door. "Thank you," she whispered hastily her hand reaching for the knob.

"Wait." She turned to look back at him. "I'll help," he told her as their eyes met once again. "I'll help."

"Thank you. I really appreciate this."

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**Boston – May 15, 1853**

Elizabeth stormed into the library, fire burning in her eyes as she slammed her hands down on Josef's desk. "This is it! You have gone too far! You have crossed the line!" Her voice reverberated off the walls and echoed in Josef's ears. He quickly stood wondering what new insanity Elizabeth was up in arms about now. "How dare you send our daughter off to that group!"

"If you're speaking of the Suffrage League…"

"Of course I'm speaking of the Suffrage League," Elizabeth interrupted. "I can't believe you would send your own daughter into that den of depraved individuals."

Josef was truly perplexed. "You think women should have the vote too," he said narrowing his eyes at her.

"I don't think women should be parading around, sleeping with whoever they please, wearing pants, drinking and smoking like men!"

"Elizabeth a few radicals.. that's all. The whole group isn't like that."

"They advocate free love, communal living, birth control for goodness sakes," she continued as if Josef hadn't even spoken. "I even heard that some of them are intimate with other woman." The look on Elizabeth's face was one of outright disgust.

Josef walked around the side of the desk to be closer to Elizabeth. Though she was shouting at the top of her lungs, he was determined to remain calm. "Elizabeth, the group condones none of those things. Their sole objective is to get women the vote. Trust me, most of the women there are like Michaela."

"What does that mean – like Michaela?"

"Career minded. Unmarried. Looking for camaraderie with those of similar interests and habits. It really isn't as bad as you're making it out to be." His face wrinkled suddenly as it occurred to him that Elizabeth didn't know that Michaela had gone. Michaela and he had agreed to keep it between the two of them for the present. "How do you know about this anyway?"

"I was visiting Rebecca for the afternoon. Apparently Michaela told her that the meeting troubled her."

The corner of Josef's lips turned down. That wasn't what she had told him – she had said she rather enjoyed it. "I'm certainly not forcing her to go."

"You really don't have any idea the effect you have on her, do you?" Josef simply stared at her, his brow wrinkled in confusion. "Josef from the time Michaela was little you said jump and she said how high. She bent over backwards to please you, to make you proud. She could have cared less what I thought, that's probably still true. If she thinks that you want her to do something, she does it."

Josef laughed. It started as a gentle chuckle and turned into a full out belly laugh as he doubled over in hysterics. Elizabeth stared on knowing what was coming and waiting patiently for it. "I really can't believe you are accusing me of trying to control her life when clearly that's your department."

"See Josef, that's the problem. You never understood subtleties; you never picked up on the small nuances of things. I'm not accusing you of trying to control her life – you didn't have to. In the same way that Rebecca was compliant to anything I asked of her, Michaela is that way with you. What I am trying to tell you is that if you don't watch it, you will end up controlling her life. The sun rises and sets with you according to her. She would bend over backwards, deny her own self to make you happy."

"I wouldn't want her to," Josef defended.

Elizabeth let out a deep breath. "That may be the case but it is rather easy to cross that line." With that she turned and left the room. Josef went back to his paper work, never giving Elizabeth's words more than a few minutes thought. He didn't want to think himself capable of manipulating anyone - especially not his own child but then again he never counted on her having her own plans. Josef still thought Michaela's only goal in life was to become a doctor and he never thought anything would interfere with that. He never realized the depths of deceit he was capable of. Elizabeth on the other hand knew and had known. She was definitely worried about Michaela.

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**Boston – May 20, 1853**

The day of Sully's arrival had finally drawn nigh. Michaela had prepared to leave the house this morning in plenty of time to meet Sully's train but had been stopped at the last minute by Marjorie's arrival. Normally, she would have quickly dealt with her and then headed off on her own but she couldn't do that this time. Marjorie was perfectly distraught when she showed up at the house and Michaela couldn't for the life of herself understand why. She had taken a major risk to get Marjorie the medicine she needed for her infection and Marjorie had told her she already felt some better. Sitting on the couch with her sobbing on her shoulder, Michaela's heart went out to her but every moment that ticked by also meant she might be late to meet Sully's train. The last thing she wanted to do was bring Marjorie with her. She had anticipated a carriage ride much like the last one they had taken together. Yet now she really felt she had no choice. So with Marjorie in tow, they had set off for the station. Marjorie hiccupped the entire way as she tried her best to get a handle on her tears. She still would not tell Michaela why she was so upset. Normally, Michaela would have prodded but right now her main focus was Sully and there was precious little that would distract her.

Michaela stood on the platform with Marjorie at her side, remarkably changed from the nervous doubtful girl Sully had greeted last September when he had returned from Colorado. The ring she wore at her neck, reminded her constantly of Sully's love and commitment to her. Bryon, who greeted her enthusiastically each day, had provided companionship and though certainly not the same as Sully's, it still was a help. She had recently finished an outstanding semester at college and had become very outspoken in the abolitionist movement in Boston. Several times she had spoken to audiences about the need for action and she had been invited only recently to speak at a meeting with Sarah Grimke, who had gained quite a reputation in the movement. This was one of the ways that she continued to feel Anna's presence with her.

Yet there were still doubts in the back of Michaela's mind that had only begun to surface since Sully left. Her father had become increasingly more decided in his speech when speaking about her future. It was clear that he intended for her to stay in Boston and to work alongside him. It was also becoming clearer that he assumed she would never marry. This worried her greatly because she had told Sully that on this visit they would slowly start to allow her family to know that they indeed had feelings for each other. She couldn't help but worry that this wasn't going to go over well with her father, the one person she truly believed would be an ally. The most worrisome thing however was that Josef had began to once again refer to Sully as her brother, something that he had not done in a long time.

Even with these concerns lurking in the back of her mind, she couldn't wait for Sully's train to arrive. The thought of being held in his arms was overwhelming. In her dreams, she often visited their private time in the carriage before his last departure and if she was honest with herself, she often visited that same moment in daydreams as well. Things had progressed so nicely after their engagement she thought. Sully was always conscious not to push too far for which she was grateful. She had always assumed he was happy with that part of their relationship but only recently she had begun to wonder if that was the case. After all they hadn't discussed it since their engagement. Things always just happened.

Much of the reason for these thoughts had to do with Marjorie. She had done as Sully asked and had spent more time at Marjorie's. In that time, it didn't take Michaela long to figure out how unhappy Marjorie was in her marriage though she in no way knew the extent of Marjorie's dilemma. All she was really aware of was that Everett was unfaithful and had brought home to Marjorie an infection that he had received from one of the girls he visited. Only out of desperation had Marjorie even told Michaela hoping that she would be able to help her in some way.

Jaded by this new information on her sister's marriage, Michaela felt uneasy about her own physical relationship with Sully. She knew he would never be unfaithful to her but she couldn't help but wonder if she pleased Sully. Did she kiss the way he desired her to? She knew he would never put pressure on her to be more daring but she wondered if he expected more now that they were engaged. A distant train whistle quickly brought her back to the present and she clutched her hands in anticipation of the train's arrival.

Inside the train, Sully found himself growing more and more anxious with each passing moment, something that didn't go unnoticed by Daniel. He had risen from the seat a while ago to stand staring out the window. His eyes focused on nothing in particular as his mind brimmed with so many thoughts, he found it dizzying. His hand closed around the watch in his pocket turning it over again and again in his hand. Daniel's presence which had been welcome for most of the trip was annoying him now and he wasn't even sure why. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't wired the Quinns about Daniel accompanying him. He had included it in his last letter to Michaela but now he began to fear she hadn't received it in time.

"Are ya nervous?" Daniel asked observing his friend's tense demeanor.

"I don't know. A little, I guess."

"Why? Ya ain't even been gone for that long this time."

"Don't matter really – things can change quickly," Sully explained somewhat vaguely.

"Geez, if I didn't know any better I'd say ya had a girl in Boston." He laughed as he said it, missing the surprised look on Sully's face. He didn't know about Michaela and Sully and for some silly reason, Sully had never told him. It wasn't that he was ashamed, if anything he was proud to have a woman like Michaela. Still he was acutely aware of their predicament and feared that Daniel would open his mouth at the wrong time as he was often apt to do. Sully actually thought Daniel would have figured it out for himself by now but he seemed to accept at face value that Michaela and he exchanged letters constantly without that meaning anything significant.

The train pulled slowly into the station while Daniel and Sully each gathered their belongings. As it lurched forward one last time, before rocking gently backward, Sully was already at the door ready to exit. "A little impatient, aren't ya?" Daniel asked taking large steps to catch up with his friend.

"Just ready to be off this train," Sully explained trying to cover the real reason for his hurrying. Stepping down onto the platform, his eyes scanned the crowds that waited there. The first thing he saw was Marjorie's red hair which seemed to match her face which was also extremely red or maybe it only looked that way from this distance. Beside her was Michaela, her eyes fixed firmly on him as she waved a hand in the air. Pushing through the crowds, he made his way over to her with Daniel trailing behind.

Instantly, they hugged as Michaela buried her head against his neck, planting light kisses there discreetly. Sully stopped her though with a quick movement of his hand, stepping back away from her rather quickly. "Michaela and Marjorie, I want you to meet my friend Daniel."

"Daniel," Michaela lifted her hand in greeting, her brow furrowing slightly. Sully grinned at her sheepishly.

"Ya didn't get my last letter yet, did ya?" She shook her head no and then turned her attention quickly back to Sully's friend.

"It's nice to meet you," she said graciously. Daniel stood there awkwardly with his mouth hanging slightly open. He had known that Michaela was beautiful; after all he had seen the picture she had once sent Sully. Yet he was in no way prepared for the woman that now stood before him.

Sully jostled him from the side and he quickly straightened up. "Nice to meet ya too," he replied, his face turning red in embarrassment.

Sully stepped closer to Marjorie and hugged her, noticing that she clung to him tightly. He looked down at her and again saw the redness of her face. She had been crying and from the looks of it, she had been crying for awhile. "Are ya okay?" he asked quietly, not wanting to embarrass her in front of Daniel. Marjorie only sniffled and nodded her head. Sully turned to look at Michaela who simply shrugged her shoulders. "Well, let's get out to the carriage," he suggested looking back at Daniel who was still staring in Michaela's direction. He turned and held out his arm to her and she quickly linked it through his. Purposely, he walked quickly putting a little distance between them and the other two. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should have wired about Daniel."

"I do wish you would have," she said, her eyes not meeting his. That wasn't what he had expected to hear and he turned suddenly to look at her. She appeared slightly put out and that bothered him.

"It ain't gonna be a problem is it?"

"I guess not," she said dejectedly which puzzled Sully even more. "I take it, he doesn't know about us."

"No."

"I see," she said rather sharply.

"Look, Michaela," Sully began but she quickly cut him off.

"Not now, we'll talk later," she said through gritted teeth as she opened the door of the carriage and climbed inside.

-----------------------------------------------

**Boston - May, 1846**

That night as she lay in bed, Michaela could think of little else than what had happened at the park. She needed to talk to Sully but going to his room was rather risky. She weighed her options in her head but knowing she would get no sleep until the matter was settled, she decided to take the risk. Slowly she crept down the hall and knocked lightly on his door. The light was out- maybe he was already asleep. She heard his feet walking across the floor and then he opened the door to her.

"Mike, what are ya doin'?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry… I just need to talk to you."

"Okay, come in." He shut the door and moved over to light the lamp.

"No, leave it unlit. I don't want to attract attention." Sully shrugged and then went over to sit on the bed bringing a blanket around his shoulders. Michaela stood awkwardly in the middle of the room trying to figure out how to begin.

"Mike, what is it?" Sully asked now becoming worried at her behavior.

"I.. I don't want to be a dancing girl," she suddenly cried out a lot louder than she intended.

"Shh," Sully shushed her. "Ya gonna wake the whole house," he whispered. "What are ya talkin' about?"

"This afternoon at the park when I asked you to kiss me. I shouldn't have. It was wrong. I..."

"Mike, you didn't ask me to kiss you. I offered, remember."

"Oh, right," Mike replied. She suddenly felt foolish for bothering Sully. Obviously he hadn't given the afternoon another thought. She turned and walked towards the door. "Sorry, I bothered you," she whispered loudly. "Good night."

"Wait, Mike," Sully whispered rising from the bed. "Do ya wish I hadn't kissed ya?"

"No, it's not that. I just don't want you to think I am well.. You know improper."

"I don't think ya improper," Sully smiled at her in the dark. "Ya just got to know about everythin'. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. Besides, I liked kisssin' ya."

If it was possible, Michaela blushed even a deeper red. "You did?"

"Yeah, your lips are real soft but I don't think your ma and pa would like us kissin' so maybe we shouldn't do it again."

"Yes that is what I was thinking." She started towards the door again but suddenly ran back and threw her arms around Sully, hugging him tightly. "Thank you," she whispered then crossed back to the door.

----------------------------------------

**Boston- May 20, 1853**

"Why did you bring him?" Michaela asked loudly, her voice echoing through the small cottage.

"'Cause he ain't ever had a real family. I thought he might enjoy himself. Ya should have seen him – he was practically beggin' me not to come to Boston. Why is it botherin' ya so bad?"

Michaela's cheeks were flushed. She knew she was being selfish and the thought of actually speaking her thoughts out loud frightened her. "I simply wasn't prepared," she said sounding more like Elizabeth than she had ever felt was possible.

Sully studied her for a moment, his own anger rising and cresting with this last statement of hers. "Well, haven't we turned into Miss Boston society," he said using his own uppity voice. "I'll just take the riff-raff and go stay somewhere else."

"You know I didn't mean it like that," she spat out. "I was simply looking forward to us being alone."

Sully heard this last part and knew that feeling because he felt it as well. Yet still the anger remained and he couldn't stop himself from throwing back at her, "Well for someone who wanted us to be alone, why did ya bring Marjorie to the station?"

"You saw her – she was a mess! What did you expect me to do?"

A knock came to the cottage door and they both turned to watch it open. Daniel entered and stood awkwardly at the side of the door, wondering what he was walking into. He had heard their angry tones from outside. Michaela's eyes flashed with fire and Sully's hands were clenched at his side in trademark fashion. Feeling like an intruder, he wished there were more than two rooms to this place so that he could conveniently slip away unnoticed but that was impossible.

"Marjorie sent over some cookies to have with tea," he finally said, looking first at Sully and then at Michaela. Neither even acted as if they heard him at first so he simply walked across the room and set the plate down on the table.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Michaela apologized as she turned to face him. He couldn't help but stare at her breathtaking beauty once more. "Sully and I were having a discussion."

"Is that what you're gonna call it?" Sully asked sarcastically.

Daniel pulled his gaze away from Michaela to look at his friend who in his opinion was being downright rude. "I didn't mean to interrupt," he muttered looking back down at the cookies.

"It's okay," Michaela assured him. "I don't want to seem rude but Sully and I need to talk for a minute. Would you excuse us?" Daniel nodded rather obediently. "Sully?" Michaela spoke his name gently as he turned to face her. He nodded as well and followed her into the bedroom, where she quickly closed the door behind them. Daniel felt the urge to press his ear against the door. Whatever they had been fighting about had sounded awfully intense. The look on Michaela's face when he had entered was intense. There was more than just anger there… almost a sort of passion. Well whatever it was it certainly had them both worked up. Pushing the cloth aside on the plate, he decided to help himself to a few cookies while keeping his ear alert to hear the conclusion of whatever had been going on before.

Inside the bedroom, things were quiet. Michaela was staring at Sully who had turned his back to her on the other side of the room. She didn't know what to do or say and for the life of her she couldn't figure out why either of them was so angry. "Sully?"

He turned to face her and she could tell he had already softened. "This is kinda silly, isn't it?" Michaela nodded as a weak smile formed on her lips. "We've been apart five months and all we can do is fight in our first moment alone."

"Maybe we could start over," she said tentatively. Sully nodded as he approached her. She backed up against the wall, feeling suddenly shy. He held out his hand to her and she placed hers gingerly down on top of it. Their eyes met in that moment, captivated by what they saw reflected there. Their longing and desire had only been intensified by the fight and now they each felt the electricity of the moment.

"Madam," he said bowing suddenly.

"Isn't that a bit formal?" Michaela giggled.

"Thought we were startin' over?" He raised his eyebrow at her as he spoke and Michaela couldn't help but giggle.

"I didn't mean starting over from the beginning," she said, rolling her eyes. Sully only smiled at her and so she decided to play along. "Sir," she replied dropping her eyes demurely to the floor.

"I hope ya won't think it too forward of me but I saw ya from across the room and felt drawn to your side."

"Thank you," she whispered, never raising her eyes.

"Are ya here alone?" he asked. She nodded finally looking up at him. "What a coincidence, so am I."

"I must say I am surprised," she admitted. "A handsome man like yourself, all alone."

"Haven't found the right woman yet," he said stepping closer to her. "Can I ask if ya have a beau or is that too personal?"

"That is awfully personal but I suppose it won't hurt to tell you that I don't." The look on her face was coy and Sully knew he would be unable to play the game much longer.

"So have ya ever been kissed before?"

"Just once," she said, feeling her cheeks warm.

"Really? I am surprised," he said trying to sound like a proper Bostonian.

"Yes and he told me I had soft lips," she returned blushing even from the playful banter. "But it wasn't a grown up kind of kiss."

"A grown up kind of kiss?" he raised his eyebrows. "Are ya sayin' the most beautiful girl in Boston has never been properly kissed?" She merely nodded at him as the smile on her lips grew even bigger. "I'd be happy to help you out with that," he said smiling at her.

"I bet you would," she replied.

Before she realized what was happening, his hands found her waist and he slowly pulled her to himself. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest as she moved closer to him. Her scent was intoxicating. She took a deep breath and placed her hands around his neck, smiling up at him. Tentatively he moved closer as she closed her eyes. There was no turning back. He pressed his lips against hers and then slowly opened his mouth and ran his tongue along her bottom lip. She gasped but opened her mouth to him. She was slightly afraid of all that was happening but as his tongue found hers, she pulled him closer clinging to him as he hungrily kissed her again and again. Slowly, he began to pull back placing light kisses on the sides of her mouth. He smiled down at her and raised one of his hands to her mouth, lightly tracing her kiss swollen lips with his thumb.

"By the way, your lips are still real soft," he whispered to her. Her eyes betrayed her then and he saw the fears hidden there, the ones she had felt as they had begun to kiss.

"Michaela, what's wrong?" he asked. "Ya ain't still upset are ya?"

"No," she replied hastily shaking her head. "I guess it's been a while since we were close like this and I was afraid…" Her voice trailed off as she swallowed hard.

"Afraid of what?" he asked, gently stroking her cheek with his hand. Michaela lifted her head to meet his eyes once again and the love she found there overwhelmed her. Pushing up on her tiptoes, she leaned into him bringing their lips together. When she pulled back, she could tell from the warmth in her cheeks that her face was flushed.

"It's silly," she said quickly dismissing the thought with a shake of her head.

"Tell me," he implored her.

"A lot has happened since you left that just made me think that maybe I'm not…. Maybe I don't…. please you." By the time she uttered this last part, her voice was almost inaudible.

Sully laughed even though he didn't think it was necessarily the best reaction. She looked up at him trying to make sense of the laugh. He was nodding, his eyes full of love. "How can ya ask something like that after our last goodbye?" he whispered against her ear, his voice soft and gentle.

"Oh, Sully," she breathed out as she wrapped her arms tightly around him, laying her head under his chin. "I just wanted you to myself in that carriage riding back from the train station today. That's why I was angry." Her words tumbled out quickly but Sully caught each one, as he gently rubbed her back. His breath caught in his throat as he heard her admission.

Once again, their lips found one another. Sully pushed her flush against the wall as his hand went immediately to the buttons at her collar. Michaela knew what he was doing but she couldn't help but tingle with the thought that he was unbuttoning her shirt. Once he had uncovered the ring, he stopped, dipping his head low to place a kiss to her chest just above the ring. Michaela instinctively entwined her hands in his hair, holding his head against her. His breath came in short pants, stinging her skin with an intensity that made her shiver. She cast her eyes down to meet his and found the same passion in his eyes that she was sure showed in her own. "Daniel's just outside," he whispered, feeling intoxicated by her presence.

She nodded her head but did not let go of him. "We have to get ready for the party," she added as she brought one hand down letting her fingers run slowly over his face. Finally they reached his lips and he hungrily sucked each fingertip into his mouth, placing light kisses to each one before moving onto the next one.

"God, I missed ya," Michaela simply nodded in agreement, having lost the ability of speech a few moments ago. It was only then that she became aware that his hands rested low on her hips, fueling the fire that was beginning to burn out of control.

A knock at the door made them hastily pull apart. "Sully – sorry to bother ya but someone's here to see ya."

-----------------------------------

_Just wanted to say thank you to all my readers! This last week was rather tough as far as real life was concerned but all the comments and encouragments have been so appreciated. I enjoy writing fanfic and really wasn't even sure anyone would read what I wrote when I first started. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to leave comments and thoughts. _


	75. Chapter 75

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- five**

**Boston – May 20, 1853**

"Be right there," Sully called as he slipped his tongue out of his mouth to wet his lips. He watched her face seeing the look of frustration that passed across it. Her desire was enticing him all the more and he felt like telling Daniel that he was unavailable at the moment.

Michaela was still breathing heavy as she began to do up the buttons of her shirt. Sully reached his hand up and stopped her as he quickly dipped his head low to kiss the area above the ring once more. She leaned back against the wall with her eyes closed, hating whoever stood outside waiting to see Sully right now. She felt his fingers deftly finish buttoning her shirt and then his warm lips descend upon hers once again. Her lips were already parted and he wasted no time in deepening the kiss further.

Michaela raised her hand to physically break them apart. "We can't," she whispered, still gasping for breath.

Sully nodded and let go of her completely, smoothing his hair and re-tucking his shirt which had somehow come out during their brief moments of passion. Michaela ran her hands over her hair as well and then looked down at her clothing which seemed presentable. He walked to the door and looked at her questioningly. After a brief nod and smile from Michaela he opened it and they both stepped out into the sitting area.

Immediately, Anne jumped onto Sully, wrapping her arms around his neck and clinging to him with her legs. "Sully," she squealed in delight.

"Anne," Sully said in surprise almost stumbling backward into Michaela. She steadied him by placing her hands on his back, feeling even more perturbed now that she knew who had interrupted them. "What are ya doin' here?"

"Mother said we could stop by on the way home to get ready for Granda's party."

"Where's your mother?" Michaela added almost accusingly.

As usual, Anne chose to ignore her as she focused her attention solely on Sully. "Will you dance with me tonight at Granda's party?" she asked, her eyes growing large with anticipation.

"Sure," Sully agreed prying her legs from around his waist as he lowered her to the ground. Anne giggled loudly and clapped her hands as she was clearly excited. The front door opened at the same moment and everyone turned to look in that direction.

"Anne, I told you not to come out here yet," Rebecca scolded standing in the doorway with Emily behind her. Emily pushed past her mother and ran to Sully wrapping her arms around his leg.

"Sully," she giggled excitedly. Stepping back she looked up at him and held out her little hand with her thumb folded down and the other four fingers stuck up in the air. "I'm four," she announced. "I was three when you left and now I'm four."

"So?" Anne scoffed at her. "Sully knows you had a birthday." Emily stuck her tongue out at her sister.

"Emily," Rebecca scolded moving closer to the two girls.

"And so did ya," Sully replied turning to Anne who immediately blushed at the attention.

Sully then turned to look at Michaela. "And I believe you did as well," he added as he raised an eyebrow at her. Michaela stifled a laugh turning her head discreetly to the side.

Rebecca was now closer to the group and she turned to give Sully a hug. "It's nice to see you," she said. "I hope your trip was good."

"It was. Ah… Rebecca I would like you to meet my friend, Daniel."

"Nice to meet ya, m'am," Daniel said extending his hand to her.

"Daniel, it's nice to meet you as well." She shook his hand and then turned back towards Sully and Michaela.

Sully bent down towards Rebecca's stomach. "And hello new baby," he said smiling.

Rebecca turned quickly away from him. "Uh-uh," she laughed. "You can't talk to this one, just in case it is a girl. We can't have another Sully crazy child in the house."

Sully shook his head and laughed. "Well it has been nice getting mail from the girls."

"It really was their idea but I thought it would be nice for you. Do you get much mail?"

Daniel laughed. "More than anyone else. Michaela alone probably keeps the postal service in business."

Rebecca looked over at her sister who had hastily dropped her head and turned bright red. "Really?" she asked curiously.

Daniel, who was fairly oblivious to the situation, nodded his head. "'Course Sully does his fair share too."

"You know Daniel if we're gonna tour Boston before Josef's party tonight, we better get going."

"Can I come?" Anne asked excitedly.

"Me too," Emily added clinging once again to Sully's leg.

"Now girls," Rebecca began.

"Well we're just gonna ride around in the carriage." He turned to face Michaela. "Whaddya think?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. If she couldn't be alone with Sully did it really matter how many people tagged along? "The more, the merrier," she said rather unenthusiastically.

"Umm… Sully," Rebecca said her face suddenly growing serious. "Do you think that the girls could go with you but Michaela could stay for the moment? I think Marjorie needs us."

"Of course," Sully assured her, once he saw the worry on her face. "How 'bout we go on our carriage ride and I'll drop 'em back at your house round 4:30."

"Thank you," Rebecca said gratefully turning a worried eye towards Michaela.

Sully turned to look at her too. "I'll see ya at the party tonight," he said his eyes running over her face and stopping on her lips. Michaela nodded. Quickly Sully led Daniel and the girls out of the cottage leaving the two sisters alone.

"Michaela, something's wrong with Marjorie," Rebecca informed her quickly. "When we arrived a few minutes ago, she was in hysterics but she won't tell me what's wrong."

"I know. She's been like that all morning. I took her with me to the train station to pick up Sully and she had finally calmed some but I guess she didn't stay that way." Michaela headed for the door with Rebecca on her heels.

Quickly, they approached the house, both determined to get down to the bottom of this mystery. Michaela didn't bother to knock but simply opened the door. "Marjorie," she called. There was no answer but it wasn't hard to find her. They only had to follow the sobs. She sat in her small office on the floor with her head leaning on the seat of a chair. Her eyes were even puffier than earlier and her face just as blotchy.

Rebecca went to her, taking a moment to lower herself to the floor in her pregnant state. She softly rubbed Marjorie's back. "There, there, Marjorie. It can't really be all that bad, can it?"

Marjorie tried to speak but her voice was unintelligible. She finally just shook her head and dropped it back to the chair. Michaela sat down in front of her. "Marjorie, why are you so upset?" she asked more directly as she wiped at the girl's tear stained cheeks with a handkerchief.

Marjorie did not raise her head at all but simply laid there sobbing all the harder. Rebecca looked at Michaela and she could tell that they both felt slightly exasperated. Rebecca continued to rub her back as Michaela began to stroke her forearm. It was some minutes before she quieted but Marjorie finally calmed some. Eventually she even raised her head and looked directly at Michaela. There was clearly fear in her sister's eyes and she wasn't sure why. "What is it?" she whispered knowing instinctively that Marjorie was on the verge of revealing what was bothering her.

"I'm pregnant," she whispered. The words hung in the air as the sisters tried to make sense of everything that was going on.

"Marjorie, are you scared of having another miscarriage?" Rebecca asked softly, feeling sorry for her younger sibling. Her hand immediately went to her own stomach.

"I don't know," Marjorie lied. "I don't know."

"Oh.. here here," Rebecca said again pulling her back so that she could embrace her. "It'll be okay. You'll see everything will be okay this time."

Michaela wasn't going to push with Rebecca in the room. Rebecca didn't know that Everett was unfaithful and Michaela had a sneaking suspicion there was more here than just fear of losing another baby. Marjorie met her sister's eyes and mouthed the words, "Help me."

---------------------------------------------------

The afternoon had been hard, one of the hardest afternoons of her life. The weight of Marjorie's situation weighed on her heavily and several times she had almost told Rebecca about Everett's unfaithfulness. Yet she knew it wasn't her secret to tell and after the way that Marjorie had always kept her and Sully's secret, she wanted to give her sister the same respect. If she wanted Rebecca to know, surely she would tell her. When they had left, Marjorie seemed much better but Michaela was fairly certain that another breakdown lay just below the surface.

When the carriage pulled in front of the house, she jumped down excitedly seeing the other carriage standing nearby. The thought that Sully was inside was playing havoc with her and she couldn't seem to get to the door fast enough. She practically fell in the front door, only to be greeted by Daniel, Sully and her father who stood just inside. Sully grabbed her arm to steady her as she found her feet once more.

"Hello," she greeted them, her face blushing with embarrassment. Josef, Daniel and Sully were all gently laughing. Sully's hand was still on her arm and she hastily pulled it away pretending to be upset. "You don't have to be rude," she stammered.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Josef asked as he wrinkled his nose up at her.

"I wasn't. I just tripped," she lied. "Are you leaving?" She looked at Sully and then Daniel as she asked.

"Yeah, we still gotta get Daniel a suit for tonight," Sully explained.

"Oh," Michaela said the disappointment clear on her face.

"I think someone's missed her brother," Josef teased missing both of their reactions at this dreaded word. He was smiling widely at Daniel who was laughing along with him.

"We better go," Sully said quickly, his eyes catching Michaela's once more. "I'll see ya tonight."

Michaela nodded and moved back away from the door as she swallowed hard. It took every ounce of energy she had not to rush out the door after him, demanding to go with them. Only when she heard the door close, did she finally look up. Josef smiled over at her. "It's so nice to have everyone here," he said placing an arm around her shoulders. Michaela nodded. "Are you okay, Mike?" he asked.

"Fine," she replied. "I'm just a little tired."

"Maybe you need a nap before the party," Josef suggested, instinctively reaching up to feel her head. "You are a little warm – do you feel okay?"

"Just tired," she repeated smiling weakly. "Think I'll lie down for a little while." With that she turned and walked up the stairs.

--------------------------------------

Candlelight glowed softly around the room illuminating faces of family and friends. A light breeze floated through the open windows carrying the scent of the first spring blooms. The night was clear and stars twinkled down upon Beacon Hill. Music filled the night air as well as laughter and talking. Josef stood at one end of the room deep in discussion, his laughter carrying across the room. Elizabeth, in all her glory, was making yet another sweep of the room playing hostess. Michaela felt nearly invisible as she stood near the front window politely smiling at the passing guests but she didn't care. There was only one person she wished to see and he had not arrived. Back and forth her eyes roamed the street, searching for just a glimpse of his masculine frame. Mindlessly she lifted a finger to her lips, smiling to herself as she remembered the kiss they had shared that afternoon. For many months she had dreamed of his kisses yet she had forgotten how deep and consuming the experience always was. Fear had gripped her momentarily as he had descended upon her lips. Was she doing it right? Then nothing seemed to matter as his tongue found hers. Blushing at her thoughts and the desire that rose in her chest, she turned her eyes to the floor and wondered how she would be able to be with him at the party without giving into her desires.

Turning her head again to look out the window, she glimpsed his form ascending the front steps. It took every ounce of energy she had not to run to the door and throw it open. Taking deep breaths, she reminded herself not to act too eager but knew it was a losing battle. She heard the knock and she clasped her hands together. Where was Harrison? Why was he taking so long? Waiting, just waiting, she clenched and unclenched her hands. The door opened and he stepped in. Her heart sped up at the sight of him and she smiled shyly when he caught her eyes. As if drawn to her side, Sully hastily crossed the room, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Sorry, I'm late," he said.

"Where's Daniel?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm late. I was waiting for him but he never returned from an errand."

Nerves suddenly get the best of her. It was if she had forgotten how to breathe and had to force herself to take each breath. Trying to calm herself, she turned to him. "Do you want to dance?"

"Sure," he grinned, "but I better warn ya I haven't danced in quite a while."

"Just let me lead," she said smiling. Together they made their way to the floor. One hand found her waist as the other gripped her hand. Their hands and eyes locked as Michaela's hand gripped his shoulder. A new song began and they moved to its rhythm, Michaela guiding him around the floor. Michaela felt exasperated though. She wanted to be held closer. The need to feel his lips on hers was too great. What was she thinking? What was wrong with her?

"What are ya thinkin about?" Sully asked giving her a knowing glance. Michaela blushed deeply, realizing Sully had read her mind. "Me too," he whispered and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm too warm," Michaela said, "I need air." Sully let her go but followed her off the dance floor. Moving quickly, she made her way to the foyer turning once to make sure he was following. Sully stepped towards the front door ready to open it for her but she shook her head, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. Through the dining room and into the kitchen, she led and he followed. Turning every few moments, Michaela made sure he was still following. Each look was sultrier than the last. Sully was smiling. He had never seen Michaela like this. What was she doing to him? Through the deserted kitchen, out onto the back porch, he followed. Michaela stopped and turned.

"Are ya okay?"

"I feel ..."

"Uh-huh?"

"Like running." She smiled before taking off down the stairs and into the black night. This was not what Sully had expected her to say, so it took him a moment to realize she meant for him to give chase. By the time he descended the stairs, he had already lost sight of her.

"Michaela," he whispered loudly into the enveloping darkness. No reply at first and then a soft giggle. Moving stealthily in the direction of her laugh, he stopped and hid behind a tree. The breeze blew the scent of her perfume to him and he knew she was near. Holding his breath, he listened and then she giggled again. Swiftly he stepped out from behind the tree, trapping her between the trunk and himself.

"I caught ya," he said.

"So I see." Her voice was breathy.

"Do I get a prize?" he asked.

"Hmm. I don't know about that." she teased. He couldn't take the game any longer.

Leaning in, he pushed her further back against the trunk. One hand held onto the tree, the other found her waist. He was only inches from her now. "Sully," she invited as he drew closer.

"Hmm?" he asked stopping suddenly, afraid he had misread her. His hot breath blew against her cheek. She didn't say anything. Her eyes were tightly shut and her hands gripped the trunk of the tree behind her. "Is this alright?" he asked suddenly unsure of himself.

"What?" she responded taken aback.

"Ya okay with me kissin ya?"

She laughed nervously. "You sure know how to drain all the romance out of the moment." He studied her carefully, then quickly leaned down and brought his lips to hers. The first kiss was light and unsure. Sully repressed his desire not wanting to scare Michaela. He drew back slightly to see her face better. Anxiously, she licked her lips in anticipation. Removing her hands from the tree, she wrapped them around his back drawing him close. "Sully kiss me like you mean it," she whispered against his ear. Again, their lips met but this time a fire began to burn within each of them. Every time one pulled away the other drew them back. They couldn't get enough of each other. She shivered as his tongue began to massage hers and she surprised herself as she mirrored his movements. Bodies pressed into one another and hands were moving and gripping. Neither was in control and it felt good. Yet Sully knew he had to stop or else things would rapidly get out of hand at the pace they were moving. Reluctantly, he pulled away, stepping a few feet from Michaela. Michaela was startled by his sudden movement.

"Sully?" she questioned. Fear gripped her heart. Had she done something wrong? Was she too bold? "Sully, am I.." she hesitated.

"Michaela, I ..." he smiled down at her and without words she understood why he had stopped. "I guess we've been holdin' that back for several months."

"You know I'd never be like that with anyone else," Michaela whispered trying to reassure herself.

"You better not be," he said jokingly. "Guess we better get back inside. I haven't even wished your father happy birthday."

"Could we just sit out here for a little while?"

"Ya askin' like I'm gonna say no." Sully sat and leaned back against the tree. Gently he took her hands and pulled her down into his lap, wrapping his arms around her.

Nuzzling her head in the crook of his neck, she pressed light kisses there. Sully's senses were reeling as Michaela brought her hand up to stroke the side of his face.

"Sully, I wish we didn't have to hide us," she whispered turning her face up so that her sweet breath tickled his ear.

"Yeah, but it is fun sneakin' around," he added squeezing her gently.

"It is. I guess I just wish..." His fingers ran softly across her lips quieting her.

"Shhh, don't go frettin'. Just enjoy this moment."

She smiled up at him with such love in her eyes that he couldn't resist bringing his lips to hers once more. Again, the same passion waited just under the surface consuming each of them. The feel of her, the smell of her, and the taste of her was sending Sully over the edge. When her tongue caressed his bottom lip, he moaned softly and deepened the kiss. This time it was Michaela who pulled back but the same understanding look was shared setting them both at ease. Settling down against him once again, she quieted in his arms, reveling in the blackness that hid them, knowing in moments they would have to reenter the house and pretend they were nothing more than brother and sister.

"Sully?" she asked tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"Everett's been unfaithful to Marjorie." The words tumbled out quickly and instantly Michaela felt relief knowing that she no longer carried the secret by herself.

"How do ya know?" he asked in surprise.

"She told me."

"That's terrible," he said pulling her closer. Finally her fear, her worries from earlier today were beginning to make some sense to him. "Is that part of what was goin' on this afternoon?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"I'd never do that to ya."

"I know," she quickly assured him. "It was silly of me to worry but I know that I am a little hesitant sometimes and I hate to think I'm not pleasing you."

Sully let out a light laugh. "Hesitant? I don't really think that. Honestly, if Daniel hadn't been right out side the door today, what do ya think would have happened?" Michaela didn't verbally answer but simply dropped her head to kiss his neck.

She stopped, again settling down against him. "I wish I knew how to help Marjorie," she said. Sully realized she was softly crying then and he felt as if his own heart was breaking. "She's pregnant too."

"Oh my," Sully said swallowing hard.

"She should be so happy but she's not. I don't quite understand it. It just feels so desperate."

"We'll figure something out." Sully reached up and wiped her cheeks dry with his hand. "I'll help ya, I promise." Michaela gave him a weak smile and then stood. Sully rose, wiping the back of his pants off. He turned so that Michaela could see his backside. "Am I okay?" he asked.

Without thinking, Michaela reached down and wiped his bottom noticing a few blades of grass that still clung there. "Sorry," she whispered as she realized what she had done.

"Sorry? You don't have to be sorry." Sully laughed and Michaela smiled shyly. Quickly he pulled her against him once more, dripping his head low to place kisses along her exposed collarbone. "No ring tonight?" he asked noticing how low her gown was cut. Michaela shook her head as his finger ran along the edge of her bodice, softly tracing the swell of each breast. No one had ever touched her like this and she could feel the goose bumps forming along her skin. Looking up at her, he let his eyes explore her face, loving each tiny sign of desire he found written there. She could feel his hand trailing up the side of her neck and she leaned her head to the side so that he could ply firm kisses there.

"You haven't said happy birthday to father," she reminded him. Sully pulled back to look at her and softly groaned. She took his hand in hers and dragged him towards the house, her pulse still racing with the excitement of the last few moments.

They slipped back in practically unnoticed or so they thought. Rebecca approached from the side as they scanned the room for Josef. "Good evening," she said looking closely at Michaela's neck. A light smile played around the edge of her lips as greetings were exchanged.

"There he is," Sully said pointing out Josef, over near the window. He began to walk over and Michaela made to follow him but Rebecca stopped her.

"Face powder," she whispered in her sister's ear.

"What?" Michaela said turning to look at her.

"I think you better powder your neck before you greet father or does he know that you and Sully were outside…. shall we say welcoming each other." Rebecca gave her sister a sly grin as she watched the surprised expression on Michaela's face.

"I … umm.. I," she stuttered. "I'll be right back." With that Michaela disappeared, returning a few minutes later to have Rebecca look her over. "Better?" she asked still feeling highly embarrassed. Rebecca nodded. "He doesn't know," Michaela whispered.

"I know," her sister replied. "Don't worry I won't tell him." They shared a look as Sully returned.

"Where did ya go?" he asked.

"Sorry, needed to freshen up," she whispered leaning in towards him slightly. Neither noticed William approaching from the side.

"What a lovely evening," he said in greeting. He kissed Rebecca and Michaela's hand before shaking Sully's. "It's nice to see you again, Sully."

"Same here."

"I hear you are out in Colorado now doing some mining," William remarked.

"Sure am."

"Did you hear about that girl being kidnapped by Indians?" he asked intently.

Sully shook his head. "Sorry, didn't hear about that one."

"Father was telling me about it. The Palmers are friends of our family in Baltimore. Apparently their son and his wife moved out that way, close to Denver I heard. Anyway they had a daughter, Catherine who was kidnapped one day when they attacked their homestead."

"Goodness, did they get her back?" Rebecca asked with concern.

"No," William replied. "That's what is so troubling about the whole situation. She was only twelve. Are the Indians much of a problem out there Sully?"

"Just wanna be left alone really. Don't seem to bother you, if you don't bother them."

"Certainly you aren't suggesting that a twelve year old girl was bothering them?" William's face was lined with consternation.

"Of course not," Sully replied. "I'm not sayin' that they are all peace lovin' but I guess I think most are."

A new song began to play at that moment and William turned to Michaela abruptly. "May I have this dance?" he asked.

Michaela's eyes went to Sully as she nodded her head. "Thank you that would be nice."

They walked onto the dance floor and joined the other couples gathered there. Michaela saw that Sully had asked Rebecca and they too were now walking towards the dance floor. William was smiling at her, his eyes glued to her face and she suddenly felt as if she was on display. It never seemed to bother her when Sully looked at her like this but the hair on the back of her neck bristled if anyone else did.

"How is your friend?" he asked as she hastily dropped her eyes."

"Improved," Michaela returned.

"If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you William. That is very nice of you," Michaela said politely.

"I don't mean to be personal but are you and Sully still… ah… courting I suppose is the word?"

"Why?" she asked meeting his gaze head on.

"Merely curious." He looked over her shoulder to see if Sully was eyeing them but he found his eyes focused on his own dance partner.

"No," Michaela lied instantly feeling guilty. The guilt wasn't so much about the lying as it was about the fact that she didn't want to encourage William or to lead him on. "I don't plan on marrying," she added quickly to make herself feel better.

"That is probably wise with the decision you have made to become a doctor. I don't suppose a husband would want a wife who worked. Who would take care of the children or the house?"

Michaela nodded. "Right," she said though her mind screamed out against it. She had to figure something out she told herself. Somehow she was going to make this work.

---------------------------------------------------

**Sand Creek – 1864**

Michaela looked around nervously at the many faces staring at her. She suddenly wished that Matthew was with her. Why had she sent him back? Her chest tightened in fear but she tried to put on a brave front as the Indian from earlier returned. She was relieved when he greeted her in English. "Welcome," he said. "My name is Cloud Dancing. My son tells me you are looking for someone."

"I am looking for a white man," she said. "His name is Sully." She marveled at how well this man spoke her language and she couldn't help but even smile a little.

The man stood considering her for a moment and Michaela thought she saw the remnants of a smile around his lips. "I'm sorry I don't know your name."

"Dr. Quinn. Dr. Michaela Quinn," she said introducing herself.

"You must be very brave to come so far," Cloud Dancing remarked seeing the anxiousness in her face.

Michaela swallowed hard. She did not feel very brave. No it definitely was not bravery but only her heart's desire to once again find its other half. "Thank you. Do you know this man?" she asked directing the conversation back towards her objective

"I do," he replied still not moving or pointing her in any direction.

"I really need to speak with Sully, if he is here."

"Yes, I believe he needs to speak with you as well." Michaela gave him a perplexed look as she watched him turn. A glimpse of blond caught her attention and she noticed a white woman emerging from a nearby tepee. "Shivering Deer, where is Sully?" Cloud Dancing asked.

Michaela knew at that instant that this was the woman he had spoken of in his letter. A fear gripped her heart when Sully emerged behind her from the same tepee.

-----------------------------------------------

**Boston – May 20, 1853**

"I can't believe he brought ya flowers," Sully whispered near her ear as he and Michaela sat at the top of the stairs hiding away from the party below.

"See you should have told him about us."

"Daniel has the biggest mouth Michaela. If I told him all of Boston would know already."

Sully laughed again. "Flowers," he said shaking his head.

"I think it was sweet." She swatted at his arm as he laughed again. "I do. Maybe if someone else would bring me something every once in a while…" She looked up at Sully accusingly.

Sully rolled his eyes. "Well it's kinda hard to keep our relationship a secret if I start bringing ya gifts."

"Oh," Michaela gasped. "Rebecca knows about us."

"She does?"

"Umm-hmm and it's entirely your fault."

"What did I do?" Sully asked incredulously.

"Left marks on my neck," she replied as if she were scolding him. "Someone needs to learn to control himself."

"I wasn't the one touching people's rear ends,' Sully returned making Michaela blush heavily. Sully wrapped his arm around her and placed a light kiss to her temple. "'Course I ain't complainin'."

Michaela shook her head and looked up at him questioningly. "And why doesn't Daniel know about us?"

"I told ya - 'cause he's got a big mouth."

"But you didn't know he was coming to Boston? Why hadn't you already told him?"

Sully shrugged. "I guess I always thought he'd figure it out." Michaela continued to stare at him, making Sully feel slightly uncomfortable. "What was William talking to ya about while ya two were dancin'?"

"Don't change the subject. Why haven't you told Daniel?" Sully felt her tense and move away from him on the stairs. "Are you ashamed of me?" she asked dejectedly.

"Of course not," Sully replied thinking how ridiculous that was. "It ain't like ya been real forthcomin' with your parents."

"That's different," she sighed wanting to avoid the fight that she already sensed was coming.

"How?"

"There my parents… it is important what they think. Daniel is just your friend – it isn't so important what he thinks."

"Yeah but ya don't have to live with Daniel, day in and day out like I do." Michaela wrinkled her forehead in confusion as she gave him another questioning look. "Michaela ya don't know what it's like livin' out west and workin' in a mine. I told ya

'bout the ladies who visit the camps. Men there already think it strange that I don't. They got their own ideas 'bout how a man should act." He quieted now and looked down feeling as if she wouldn't understand no matter how much he said.

Michaela brought her hand under his chin and raised his head so she could look fully in his face. "I understand," she whispered. "Everett gave Marjorie an infection. That was how I found out that he was being unfaithful to her." She paused here and Sully took her hand in his giving it a light squeeze. "She wouldn't go to the doctor and she asked me to help her. I wasn't sure where to turn so I asked William." Sully nodded considering her troubled face. "He assumed it was for me," Michaela said as tears pooled in her eyes. "He thought I practiced free love." She shivered once again feeling slightly shameful.

Sully pulled her close and gently patted her back as she laid her head against his shoulder. "Ya want me to set him straight?"

"No, I did already," she whispered. "But it hurt that someone would think that about me just because I have made decisions different than most girls." She looked up at him and Sully nodded in agreement. "And it's not fair that the men at the mining camps would give you a hard time simply because you choose to be faithful and to love one woman." Sully smiled down at her widely, feeling incredibly lucky to have someone like Michaela.

"So what are we gonna do about Daniel?" Sully asked.

"I'll discourage him," Michaela assured Sully. "A man can only hear no so many times before he gets the hint."

"Sully," Anne called as she came running up the steps, glad to have finally found him. "I thought you said you would dance with me?"

Sully rolled his eyes in Michaela's direction as she stifled a giggle. "Comin'," he called rising from the stairs with Michaela close behind.


	76. Chapter 76

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E. 

**Chapter Seventy- six**

**Boston – May 21, 1853**

"Rise and shine," Rebecca called out sweetly as she threw the curtains wide open. Michaela peeked out from under her eyelids unwillingly. Her brow was wrinkled with confusion as she tried to make sense of Rebecca's presence in her bedroom this early in the morning.

"Rebecca?" Her voice was still heavy with sleep and she had already shut her eyes against the intruding morning sun. A dark shadow descended over her bed, as her sister neared. "Why are you here so early?"

Rebecca laughed as she drew the covers off of Michaela. "It's not that early. Someone must have stayed up late last night and I dare say perhaps they took part in the champagne toast at midnight."

"Two glasses," Michaela breathed out realizing it was not only sleep that made her eyes feel heavy and her mouth dry. "Could I have some water?"

"Sure. I brought you up a tray." Rebecca left her bedside and returned with a glass of water. "Do you want anything to eat?"

Michaela was already gulping down the water and she shook her head in between but then regretted it. "I will never drink champagne again in my life." Rebecca giggled softly as she took the glass from Michaela and refilled it from the pitcher on the tray. "Why are you here?" Michaela asked as she moved into a sitting position leaning back against the pillows. She drew the blankets up to cover her legs and neatly folded her hands on top before looking up expectantly at Rebecca.

"Today is the day that I am doing my sisterly duties. First I'm coming here to chat with you about a certain young man and then I am heading over to Marjorie's to see how she is faring." Michaela frowned and turned her head down towards the covers. She wasn't exactly prepared to talk about her relationship with Sully and she especially wasn't ready in her current state. "Scoot over," Rebecca said, nudging her arm slightly.

Michaela screwed her face up but didn't budge. "I don't feel much up to talking right now," she said, still not raising her eyes.

"That's fine. You can listen and I will talk," Rebecca told her. "Now scoot." This time Michaela complied with her sister's request and moved over in the bed. Rebecca lowered herself down beside her and sighed loudly. "The baby is really active today," she added running a hand across her extended abdomen. Michaela couldn't resist placing her hand alongside Rebecca's so she could feel as well. "Here," Rebecca said moving her hand on top of Michaela's and scooting it over. At first it felt like a light flutter but then the movement was more pronounced. She looked up at her sister smiling and Rebecca returned her gaze.

"That's so incredible," Michaela remarked finally removing her hand and bringing it back to rest with her other one. "Does it get commonplace?" she asked.

Rebecca gave her an odd look. "Do you mean because this is baby number four?" Michaela nodded. "Not really. You become more aware of it and of what you are feeling. With Anne I was well along before I realized that I could feel her moving. I felt this little one really early on." Michaela quickly cast her eyes downward again, to avoid her sister's gaze. A moment of silence settled over the room as Rebecca waited for her to say something else. When it became clear that Michaela wasn't going to be forthcoming, Rebecca intervened. "I can't believe my little sister is finally being courted."

Michaela looked up with surprise. The sound of the words was almost foreign to her. Courting… she wasn't courting.. she was an engaged woman, practically married in her own mind. She swallowed hard. "It's not unheard of," she said softly.

"Michaela, you don't have to be shy or embarrassed. It's me – not mother."

"I know – it's just… well… no one knows and I guess I don't even know where to begin."

Rebecca was here on a mission but part of that mission was simply to satisfy her own curiosity. When she realized that Michaela was indeed going to talk, she found her excitement growing. Rubbing her hands together, she scooted closer to Michaela as if she was about ready to hear a piece of juicy gossip. "Just start at the beginning," she encouraged, which elicited a very odd look from Michaela.

"The beginning?" Rebecca nodded in return as she knitted her brow in confusion. "I don't want to shock you," Michaela began. "I guess I don't know exactly when it began. I mean I can tell you when we first kissed…" Her voice trailed off as Rebecca continued to eye her. "Things just sort of happened."

"There had to be a moment when you realized the way you felt about him was more than friendship. Or maybe you realized you didn't think about him like your brother – I always forget you were raised like that."

"That's just it though – I never thought about him like my brother. From the moment he came, it was never like that."

"Surely you don't mean that when you were twelve... " The look on Michaela's face silenced Rebecca. She did mean that, there was no denying it from the look in her eyes.

"I can't explain it," Michaela whispered her eyes suddenly focused straight ahead on the mantle. "We've just always known. That's why Sully wouldn't let father adopt him. The first summer we spent at Anna's is when things began to become clear to me and ever since then they have only continued to get clearer. I love him."

Rebecca had tears already forming in her eyes and she quickly hugged her sister to her. "I am so happy for both of you," she said louder than she meant to. "Last night, you looked so happy together." Rebecca stopped speaking suddenly; her eyes caught a glimmer of gold at Michaela's neck.

At first Michaela didn't think anything of her sister's reaction. She had completely forgotten she wore the gold chain at her neck. Her hand went up unconsciously to feel the area where Rebecca's eyes seemed glued. Fingers closed around the hard metal band, no longer concealed under her nightgown. Michaela felt paralyzed from the neck down, her eyes large with fear. She tried to remember how she had come to wear it and as if remembering a dream, the haze started to clear.

It had been after her second glass of champagne. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs talking to Daniel as most of the party guests departed. The minute he had slipped away, Sully had appeared out of the shadows luring her away up the stairs to her bedroom. He had retrieved the necklace and slipped it over her head, holding the ring between them. "You're mine," he had whispered kissing her deeply and though Michaela had wanted to rail against this assertion, she didn't. In all truth, she found it highly stirring and suddenly she found herself in between kisses reiterating it back to him. "I'm yours, I'm yours," her breathless voice had spoken over and over as they spun against the wall locked in a passionate embrace.

As she sat allowing the memory of last night to wash over her, her skin still tingled, still burned with his kisses. His fingers had pulled the pins out of her hair so that they could entangle themselves there. Her shoulders, his lips had kissed every inch of her bare shoulders. Never had she felt such a burning passion deep in the pit of her stomach like she had experienced last night. Eyes that roamed the room remembering every kiss, every touch, settled on the black tie on the edge of her dressing table. She had taken it off of him in her desperate need to unbutton his collar and ply kisses to his neck.

"There really is a ring on a necklace," Rebecca said incredulously bringing Michaela out of her daydream.

"What?"

"Emily insisted that you had a ring on a necklace." Rebecca reached up and touched the chain for herself. "There really is a ring on a necklace." Michaela took a staggering breath and opened her hand to reveal the ring fully to her sister. She had seen and she might as well know what it was. She might as well hear the story. "It's beautiful," she whispered admiring the stone and the setting. "Is it what I think it is?" She looked up at Michaela, her eyes narrowed in a strange way. Michaela wondered what she was thinking and for the first time, though not the last, she was scared of someone's reaction to her engagement.

"We were coming back from Maryland last fall. We stopped in New York to visit his mother's grave." She smiled as the thoughts of that day returned to her. It was as if she was there again, the buildings rising around her, the smell of the city and the disinfectant smell of the hospital, the warm sunshine and the cool breeze. "He took me to the hospital where we first met, the one where his mother died. I hadn't guessed... I had no idea. And then he asked me."

Rebecca let out a little squeal causing Michaela to look over at her sister. There was no judgment on her face, no condemnation. Instead a far off slightly dreamy look. "And you said yes?" she asked almost breathlessly.

Michaela nodded. "And then we kissed," she added in a soft voice remembering that was the first time she had opened up to him physically.

"Does anyone know?"

Michaela shook her head and then realized she better clarify. "Marjorie knows about us. She doesn't know that we are engaged." This was the first time she had spoken the words aloud to anyone besides Sully and she marveled at how good it felt. "Oh, Ida and John know as well."

"How did Marjorie find out?" Rebecca asked, her curiosity now bubbling over.

"She's known for awhile. Thomas told her."

"Thomas?" Rebecca looked confused until she fished the name out of her memory. A whole new look of surprise took over then. "That long," she whispered as if she only now believed all Michaela had tried to convey earlier. "You poor thing."

Michaela felt her sister's arms embrace her and she felt a greater sense of relief than she had anticipated. Somehow secrets never felt as big when there was someone to help you carry them. Plus Rebecca was actually sympathetic towards her, which made Michaela feel warm inside and as if she was a young child, Michaela snuggled down against her sister, reveling in the comfort she found there. They sat like that for a few minutes before either spoke again. "My baby sister is an engaged woman," Rebecca whispered softly stroking her hair. "There are things you need to know."

Michaela looked up at her, unsure what she was referring to. "What do you mean?"

Rebecca smiled down at her sympathetically. "Things change when you take this step. They did for me at least. And well to be honest, mother never was very good talking about these sorts of things." Michaela still looked confused and Rebecca could understand why. The fact that she was about to embark on such an intimate conversation with her sister was frightening but she knew that it was for the best. "Before you are engaged, I found that it was relatively easy to set boundaries or limits. I found that Robert rarely pushed our physical relationship. That changed for us afterwards."

Michaela drew away from her sister as a heavy blush settled over her cheeks. In one way she eagerly wanted to hear what Rebecca was about to say. Yet she didn't want to confess to anyone the desires that seemed to lay just under the surface, the ones she struggled with every time her and Sully were alone. "Don't worry Rebecca - Sully and I aren't going to let things go too far," she hastily whispered.

"How many times did I tell myself the same thing, only to find myself once again caught up in the moment," she looked wistfully at the mantle, her hands resting on her extended abdomen once again. "I didn't know what I was feeling, what I was doing. Mother had always made everything sound unpleasant. I believe she called it the wifely duty." Michaela couldn't help but giggle at this thought and Rebecca glanced over at her. "I hope that giggle isn't from experience," she said her face lined with concern.

"What?"

"You and Sully haven't ... ahh..."

"No," Michaela quickly stated shaking her head vigorously.

"Good," Rebecca said relaxing back once more. She swallowed hard already finding her cheeks warm as she thought about what she wanted to say. "Michaela, it isn't like that. I mean Robert makes me feel things that I never dreamed of. After our engagement it was hard to stop ourselves from letting things escalate physically - everything felt too good. I was so shy at first but that quickly changed." She looked over at Michaela as she reached for her hand. "You both have to commit to guard your hearts- your bodies."

Michaela smiled shyly as she considered Rebecca. There were things she wanted to ask but she wasn't sure how to. "Where should I ... I mean what is the ... line?"

Rebecca sighed. "How far is too far..." she shook her head as she said it. "I've asked that question many times myself. I don't know that I can tell you. I guess it's something you have to decide between the two of you." Michaela dropped her head as she clasped the quilt tightly in her free hand. "Michaela, you can tell me anything. You know that, don't you?"

"I suppose," Michaela sighed cutting her eyes over towards her sister.

"What is it?"

"Is it wrong to be so... to feel so aroused?" The words came out rather quickly and Michaela could not believe she had actually just uttered them. She tried to cover them by explaining. "It's just that last night, we were kissing and Sully ran his finger along the edge of my bodice. I wanted..." she hesitated now realizing that she had only managed to dig a deeper hole.

Rebecca finished the statement for her. "And you didn't want him to stop." Michaela looked up at her seeing such a look of understanding that she instantly felt better. "Don't let yourself feel guilty. I think it's growing up in this house that does it to us. Your feelings are quite normal, I assure you. Can I tell you something though?" Michaela nodded her eyes never leaving her sister's face. "Treasure this time, Michaela. After you're married things are wonderful but they're different too. There is something almost fun in having to stop yourself. When you're married..." She blushed and dropped her eyes to her belly. "Don't get me wrong.. it's great, really great but the mystery is gone. It's fun but in a different sort of way. Enjoy the mystery now and let it stay a mystery."

"We will," Michaela whispered as she squeezed Rebecca's hand in her own.

"And please know that you can talk to me about anything."

Michaela nodded. "Thank you," she whispered embracing Rebecca once again, finally glad to have someone she could talk to.

**

* * *

****Boston - May 25, 1853**

It was late. At least past midnight because she had heard the grandfather clock, chime the hour the stroke of twelve already. The bed beside her was empty as usual. She didn't mind really. If he was off with some street girl at least he was leaving her alone. Yet tonight she had planned to tell him. She had asked him to come home for dinner - she had said they needed to talk. Everett had agreed - he had said he would be there. It hadn't really surprised her when he hadn't shown up but still the news weighed her down terribly and she needed it off her chest.

Rising from her bed, she went to stand by the window. The moon was bright in the sky, hanging low over the city. She leaned her head against the cool pane of glass, loving how smooth it felt against her forehead. Her right hand went down to her abdomen and she lovingly stroked the little life that was growing inside of her. Rebecca had come a few days ago, the morning after Josef's party. She was convinced that Marjorie was simply afraid of losing another child, like she had the first one. Marjorie didn't tell her any different. It was easier that way. Yet whether Rebecca knew her dilemma or not, she had helped immensely. Before, Rebecca's visit all Marjorie could think about was a way to get rid of the intruder in her body. All that changed the minute she laid her hand on Rebecca's stomach and felt her own niece or nephew moving around inside.

That was the moment her baby became real to her. Since her sister's visit, Marjorie found herself talking to the child almost constantly. Sometimes she even sang to the baby growing inside of her and amazingly it seemed to stay off her loneliness. Now all of her thoughts were centered on the child and on protecting this child. She couldn't let Everett hurt this baby like he had the last one. That was the one thing she was certain of.

A noise from downstairs alerted her that Everett was finally home. Quickly, she crossed the room and lay back down in the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. She turned on her side away from the door and pretended to be asleep. The sound of the knob turning made her heart beat faster. Sometimes he slept elsewhere when he came home late and she had hoped he might tonight. The door opened and he walked loudly across the room, pulling his clothes off and looking through the dresser drawer for a nightshirt. Marjorie could tell he had been drinking and she knew that he was most likely drunk. She tensed when she felt him sit down on his side of the bed and reach over to touch her.

"Marjorie," he slurred. "Are you asleep?" His hand moved from her back to her breast which he roughly handled. Marjorie winced in pain as they had become rather tender recently. Sitting up she threw off her sleep charade and met his gaze head on.

"Everett I have to tell you something," she said quickly. He sat there simply staring at her, thrown off momentarily by her directness. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

Everett blinked rapidly as his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. "What?" he asked.

"We're going to have a baby," Marjorie reiterated.

"A baby?" Everett looked at her as if he didn't understand but he came closer making Marjorie nervous. When he simply wrapped his arms around her almost lovingly, it threw her off guard. He felt her tense and it made him feel guilty. "Don't be scared," he cooed in her ear his breath reeking of alcohol. "I know I haven't been a good husband to you. But I promise to do better, Marjorie."

"You have to Everett. I'm not going to let you hurt this baby."

She heard the soft sob that escaped his mouth and her heart began to soften. "I will," he said as tears began to fall. "I'll stop drinking... I'll stop"

Marjorie cut him off. "You can't lay a hand on me."

"I won't. Oh God, I promise I won't!" His voice had this desperate sound to it and though Marjorie had heard these promises before and knew how easy they were to break, she let herself believe that this time he would be different. And in a way things were different. Everett never laid a hand on her, the whole pregnancy and he even left her alone sexually. Yet his late night drinking and his unfaithfulness were only temporary changes. Marjorie didn't care though. As long as her baby was safe, that was all she cared about.

* * *

**Boston - May 30, 1853**

Ten days had passed since Sully and Daniel had arrived in Boston. Ten days of pure bliss as far as Michaela was concerned. School was out which freed up her time to spend with them and though their time alone was severely limited, she found that even the smallest touches out in public were satisfying in a whole new sort of way. She would catch him staring at her and would instantly blush, though she never once looked away.

The honest truth was that if Daniel had not been so infatuated with her himself, then he would have noticed the looks, the touches, the whispered words that they shared all too often. Yet Daniel had relegated their relationship to that of brother and sister and so he never took the things he observed to heart. Instead, he believed what he was seeing was an overly protective brother watching over his sister.

The funny thing was that Daniel wasn't alone in this assumption. There had been some attempts on Sully's part to show his interest in Michaela in front of Josef and Elizabeth. Granted they were subtle but Michaela and he had agreed that was the best way to start. Yet Daniel was pulling out all the stops, making sure Michaela knew he was interested so that next to Daniel, Sully's feeble attempts looked like nothing more than an overprotective brother. If he insisted on sitting next to Michaela, Josef assumed it was to keep Daniel at bay. If he walked in the middle between Daniel and Michaela, the same thing was assumed. And it happened over and over, Sully helping her with her wrap, Sully holding out his arm to escort her, Sully helping her into the carriage… it all appeared that he was doing these things to stop Daniel from doing them.

Michaela knew that Sully was frustrated but she hadn't realized the extent of it until this particular day when they had planned an outing to a small beach outside of the city. Sully was already frustrated that he wouldn't be alone with Michaela and so when he arrived at the Quinn household without Daniel his mood was less than stellar to begin with.

"Where's Daniel?" Michaela asked when Harrison showed him into the library where she sat looking at one of her father's medical journals.

"I don't know," he said disgusted. "Probably pickin' out an engagement ring for ya."

Michaela laughed and then looked up to see that he didn't share her mirth. "It ain't funny," he declared.

Michaela rolled her eyes and returned to her journal. "I think someone is jealous," she intoned in a quiet voice as she hid her smile.

"I'm not jealous," Sully threw back as he walked over to the window unwilling to meet her eyes.

"Whatever you say," she simply replied giving a slight shake of her head.

Sully wheeled around quickly. "Why do you have to encourage him?" His voice was angry and accusing, immediately putting Michaela on edge.

"I'm not encouraging him - I'm simply being nice. There is a difference."

"Not where men are concerned there ain't."

"So am I supposed to be rude to him? Excuse me but I refuse to be rude simply because you can't open your mouth and take care of the problem yourself."

"Michaela we've already been through that."

"I know and I told you I understand but you are the one who has a problem with the current situation - not me! If you want him to leave me alone, then tell him about us!"

Sully threw his hands up in the air in disgust. "You're impossible!" Sully's voice resounded of the walls filling the room and echoing out into the hallway. The library door opened as Harrison showed Daniel inside.

Daniel looked sheepishly around. "Another discussion?" he asked trying to lighten the mood in the room. Sully glared at him though he wasn't aware of the real reason. "Should I go?"

"No," Michaela replied sweetly walking over towards him. "We were finished." There was a tone in her voice that let Sully know she wasn't pleased with him. That didn't matter much to Sully because he felt just as agitated with her. Seating himself at Josef's desk, he watched the scene unfold in front of him. Daniel had another bunch of flowers for Michaela which she politely thanked him for and then rang for Martha so she could put them in a vase. After the flowers had been whisked away, Daniel looked from Sully to Michaela tentatively.

"Are we still going today?" Daniel asked as the tension in the room seemed to grow before his very eyes.

"I am," Michaela said casually glancing over at Sully.

He stood quickly and approached the twosome. "Sure," he said nodding his head still unwilling to look Michaela in the eye.

"Good. So what are we waiting for?"

"Nothing," Michaela answered with a smile. Daniel held his arm out and Michaela linked hers through it as they stepped out of the library door. Sully growled back in his throat and clenched his hands at his sides as he watched them parade through the door together. He walked out after them keeping slightly back to make it clear to Michaela he was not happy about this little show she was putting on.

Daniel helped Michaela into the carriage and then Sully quickly pushed past him to sit beside her. She moved away from him on the seat as Daniel sat down opposite of them looking a little put out with Sully. "Where are we off to today?" he said turning to Michaela.

"World's End," Michaela giggled, knowing how it sounded. Daniel raised an eyebrow at her and smiled in return. "It's a picnic area overlooking a rocky beach. It sits on Hingham Bay."

"Why does it have that name?" Daniel asked wrinkling his nose up.

"Honestly, I don't know," Michaela replied, her face too animated for Sully's liking. He cast her a furtive glance before sliding closer to the other side of the carriage. "It's the perfect place for a picnic though. Sort of reminds me of Maryland. Well, a little anyway." She cast her eyes downward as she spoke, suddenly feeling as if she was trampling on sacred territory. Here she was talking to Daniel about her special place, the place that she shared with Sully and it felt decidedly strange. Not to mention the thoughts of Anna that ran through her mind.

"Maryland's where your grandmother lived, right?" Daniel asked as he wondered why the sudden change in Michaela's demeanor.

Sully looked over at her more directly when she didn't answer right away. They rarely spoke about Anna but Sully knew she was still privately grieving her death. "Yeah," Sully answered for her. "Anna was real special, still kinda hard to talk about it." Michaela looked over at him and he could see the gratitude in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Daniel apologized. "I didn't mean to bring up somethin' painful."

"It's alright," Michaela quickly assured him. "I have fond memories of her and her house… my house," she amended. Daniel furrowed his brow considering this new piece of information but he remained quiet, not wanting to press a painful situation. The carriage grew quiet then, each lost in their own thoughts.

Michaela and Sully were both thinking about Maryland, about Anna and about each other. Unconsciously they had moved closer together during the ride so that now their arms were actually touching. Daniel watched the scenery while sneaking glances at Michaela secretively. She looked truly radiant with her hair pinned up in cascading curls. The green of her dress made her eyes stand out even more than usual and a rosy glow accompanied her cheeks. In his mind, he rehearsed his plan to ask her to accompany him to dinner. Over and over again, he had repeated the words to himself. The only problem now would be getting a moment alone with her to ask. Sully certainly seemed to stick like glue to them and though he had come to understand the importance of a chaperone in Boston society, he couldn't say he was in love with the idea.

They arrived at World's End shortly thereafter and enjoyed a wonderful picnic lunch overlooking the bay. The conversation was light and fun and Sully seemed more engaged during lunch than at any point before hand. After lunch, Michaela brought out a book of poetry and as they reclined on the blanket, she read to them. Daniel had never heard anything more magical than her voice reading the delicate rhymes and he felt almost entranced. When she passed the book to Sully so that he could read some, a realization hit him and he swallowed hard.

A great inequality lay between him and Michaela, one that had never crossed his mind. When he had discovered that mine, that vein of silver, he had believed all his problems were over. He was a wealthy man in Colorado and in Boston. Daniel truly believed that wealth put him on par with a woman like Michaela. Certainly he was good enough for her.

Now was the first moment that he became aware of this great inequality that lay between him and Michaela, one that while he could easily overlook, he doubted she would be able to. He couldn't read, he couldn't write. He had no education to speak of and here before him sat the picture of refinement. She was not only beautiful; she was smart – smarter than anyone he had met before. As Daniel grew sullen, he didn't notice the heated looks that continued to pass between the other two. The poems were of a decidedly romantic nature now and Sully read as if only he and Michaela were there.

It was Michaela who first became aware of Daniel's dejected state. She reached over and took the book from Sully, shutting it loudly. "I think I've bored the two of you for long enough," she said casting a warning eye at Sully.

Daniel looked up for the first time in a while and gave her a weak smile. "It was very nice," he said quietly.

Michaela shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure but we really shouldn't waste this beautiful day by simply sitting around. Maybe we should take a walk."

"How 'bout a game of hide and seek? Sully suggested, grinning broadly.

Daniel nodded eagerly. "Could be fun," he added as he thought about the opportunity to get Michaela alone. Though the earlier thoughts weighed on his mind, he still adamantly believed that she would at least give him a chance.

"Do boys ever grow up?" Michaela teased looking from one to the other.

"Too big to play, are ya?" Sully returned as he stood. He reached his hands down and pulled Michaela to her feet. "I seem to recall that ya like hide and seek. Didn't ya say that just the other night at Josef's party?" Sully gave her a knowing look as a light blush settled on Michaela's cheeks.

"If ya don't' wanna play…" Daniel began.

"No, it sounds like fun," Michaela quickly interjected. "So who will be the seeker?"

"I will," Daniel volunteered.

"You need to count to at least 100. I am at an unfair disadvantage in this dress."

Daniel smiled at her. "I think ya look beautiful in that dress. Ya can have all the time ya need."

Sully breathed out loudly and pursed his lips up in displeasure. Daniel stood with his back to Sully so he couldn't see the expression on his face but Michaela could and it made her want to laugh. "I think 100 should be sufficient," she returned. They waited until Daniel's head was against the tree and he began to count before they ran off in the opposite direction of where Daniel stood. Michaela had hitched her skirt up and she was doing a fairly good job of keeping up with Sully. "We need to split up," she gasped in between pants.

Sully turned to smile at her and unexpectedly caught her up in his arms twirling her around in the air before setting her back down beside him. "Not yet," he whispered drawing her close.

"Sully we can't do this now."

"If ya'd stop talkin' we could," he laughed quickly pressing his lips against hers.

"How can you go from being upset with me to this in such a short period of time?" she asked pressing lightly on his chest so that he would pull back some. Sully took this completely the wrong way and moved abruptly away from her, a hurt look upon his face. "I don't know," he said his voice curt.

"You are so moody today."

"Maybe if my fiancé wasn't battin' her eyes at my best friend…"

"That was uncalled for," Michaela returned taking a step backwards. Sully knew she was right but he couldn't seem to control the feelings inside of him when it came to seeing her with another man. "Why are you so jealous Sully? You weren't like this with David."

"Ya didn't like David," he reminded her.

"I don't like Daniel.. well I mean I don't like him in that way. You know that." Her voice softened as she continued. "You said it the other night – I'm yours." Again something in her bristled at the thought but it also electrified her. Just the thought of the other night and those words melted Sully and he began to close the distance between them. They both heard a twig break not too far away and quickly they remembered that they were supposed to be hiding. Sully turned to the nearest tree and scrambled up the branches while Michaela took off deeper into the woods.

Daniel passed right under the tree Sully was hiding in but he never looked up. Sully had a feeling that he wasn't the one Daniel was looking for anyway. He had a sudden burning desire to jump down and follow him through the woods but he knew that wouldn't sit well with Michaela. Now was not the time to continue to make her angry or to doubt that he trusted her. So he sat still, leaning back against the trunk waiting to be found.

The truth was that there was no good place to hide in the woods with a dress on. The full petticoats puffed out the skirt portion too fully and the corset Michaela wore made her feel constricted – unable to climb or squat. Given this it was only a matter of time before Daniel caught up to her. "Found ya," he yelled running up behind her and picking her up.

"Daniel," she squealed in surprise as her feet touched the ground once more.

"Didn't mean to scare ya," he said as she turned to face him.

"Have you found Sully?" she asked feeling slightly uncomfortable suddenly. Daniel shook his head. "I have an idea where he is." Michaela turned to head back towards the tree he had climbed but Daniel's hand stopped her.

"Wait," he said reaching out to grab her by the shoulder. "I want to ask ya somethin'."

Michaela turned back to face him, her stomach tightening in knots. "What is it?"

"Would ya have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Daniel asked, his words coming out so quickly that Michaela was having trouble making sense of them.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Would ya have dinner with me tomorrow night?" he repeated this time a little slower.

Michaela felt her cheeks warm as a wave of fresh guilt swept over her. Daniel had already dropped his eyes as he waited for her answer. "Daniel I'm flattered but…" She stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts as she considered how to continue.

The tone of her voice added to the words had been all Daniel needed to hear though. He kicked at the ground with his foot. "It's okay.. I shouldn't have asked… I know I ain't like ya."

"No, it's not that," Michaela gushed when she realized what he was thinking. "I would never… I don't judge people who are different than me." Daniel looked up to meet her eyes as the sweetness of her voice washed over him. Even turning him down, he couldn't help stare at her. "I'm not available," she continued.

"For that night or any night?"

"Any night," she replied. "I can't explain and I'm really sorry that I can't. It's silly really. Any girl would be very lucky to have someone like you. You're so sweet and funny."

Daniel frowned. It was one thing to be turned down and quite another to have all your good qualities enumerated and be told that wasn't good enough. "Any girl but not ya?"

His voice was cutting now and Michaela could tell she had hurt him unintentionally.

"Daniel please – I don't want to hurt you. Please understand. I am not the sort of girl who you would want to marry."

He looked up at her, slightly stunned by her words. "Glad to see ya can make my decisions for me."

"That's not what I meant…" Michaela stumbled over her words, feeling as if she was only digging the hole deeper and deeper.

"Just stop. I get it- I'm not stupid!" With that he turned and began to walk away from her.

"Daniel, wait," she called after him but he acted as if he hadn't heard her and simply kept walking.

Sully grew tired of waiting for the two of them to return and he simply dropped out of the tree just in time to meet Daniel. "Ya find Michaela already?" he asked noticing the pained expression on his friend's face.

"Yeah, she's comin'," he returned as he continued to trudge on.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"Nah, just thinkin' that it's 'bout time I got back to Colorado. Think I'll leave tomorrow or the next day."

"I thought ya were gonna stay to hear Michaela speak at that rally on Friday."

Daniel looked up thoughtfully. "I'd forgotten," he muttered. He turned to look at Sully. "Sully what kind of rally is it again?"

"Anti-slavery and from what Michaela says some woman's right stuff as well."

That was all Sully had to say. Daniel immediately perked up as he began to make sense of what Michaela had tried to tell him. She hadn't been rejecting him, he suddenly thought. She was rejecting the whole idea of marriage in general and if that was the case he only needed to win her over. A smile erupted on his face. "Michaela's really into that sort of thing, ain't she?"

"Sure," Sully replied. "Her father is a strong abolitionist as well."

"No I meant the women's right stuff," Daniel corrected him.

"Yeah, I mean she wants to be a doctor. Ain't everyday that a woman decides to do that," Sully laughed.

It all made sense now to Daniel. She was giving up her desire to marry for her career. He simply had to convince her that with him, she could have both. "Yeah, I'm gonna stay for that rally," Daniel said.

* * *

**Boston, 1858**

"Michaela I ain't gonna make ya choose! Why do ya keep thinkin' I am?" Sully was exasperated by this point in time. He felt like screaming out his frustration or grabbing her by the shoulders and trying to shake some sense into her.

"Sully you don't understand. It's all well and fine for you to stand here and tell me I won't have to choose but I will someday." She was completely unemotional, her voice almost detached as she logically reasoned the argument out. "When we have children, I will have to choose."

Sully looked at her, hurt clearly showing on his face. "Why are ya doin' this?"

"I don't expect you to understand," she whispered feeling her detachment began to slip away from her. "How could you understand? You're a man – you don't know what it's like. If I marry you Sully, I give up my independence – I give up essentially who I am. I take your name, I have your children, I keep your house, and my property becomes yours."

"It ain't gotta be that way Michaela. I don't see it that way. Ya know that. It doesn't have to be one or the other." His voice was softer now as he watched her face slowly began to change from one of confidence to one of doubt.

The first tear leaked down her cheek as she struggled hard against her rising emotion. "Yes, it does," she whispered. "Yes, it does."


	77. Chapter 77

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- seven**

**Boston – June 4, 1853**

One solitary tear fell down her cheek but she hastily wiped it away. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the smell of the hydrangeas that bloomed just outside of the window. Their smell was sweet, overpowering her senses momentarily. She crinkled the letter she held between her fingers. The feel of the crisp paper embossed with gold in her hands; that was the feel of rejection. She licked her lips tasting the recent traces of tears. The saltiness of tears running down your cheek; that was the taste of rejection. This smell, the one that she breathed in now; that would become the smell of rejection. The words running down the page saying the same thing again and again…. "We are sorry…"; that was the sight of rejection. Was there a sound of rejection? She knew there was and she knew what it was but she didn't want to yet think about it. There would be disappointment but he would act as if he wasn't. For her he would pretend and she wasn't sure that she could take that.

She looked down at the paper once more and it made her angry; angrier than she had ever felt in her entire life. Hastily she shoved it back into the envelope and then under the cushion of the window seat. She wanted it gone – out of sight and hopefully out of mind. Later she would retrieve it and put it with the others that she wasn't even sure why she kept. Yet she did keep them, tied neatly together with a piece of twine. Everything in its place including me she thought to herself. Laying her head back against the wood, she let her eyes roam over the backyard as she wondered when she would tell him.

He stood in the library door leaning against the door frame, just watching. She was sitting on the window seat staring out the window. It was open and a light spring breeze blew in stirring her hair. The pink tint to her cheeks reminded him of sailing – her cheeks were always pink from being in the wind. Her eyes were focused somewhere out the window and the artist inside of Sully saw the perfect watercolor before him. The red of the seat cushion against the white of her dress. The dark mahogany wood of the window pane against her ivory skin. The blue sky and green grass that burst forth just outside the window. Sully couldn't help but smile as if he was seeing a vision.

Feeling a little like an intruder, he stepped into the room and let out a deep breath. Still she did not move or turn in the slightest. He could tell she was preoccupied and he couldn't help but wonder if he filled her thoughts as she filled his. Pushing the door shut quietly, he leaned back against it as she turned towards him. "Sully," she whispered while blinking her eyes almost as if she didn't' trust what she was seeing. "Are you alone?"

"For the moment," he said quietly knowing that Daniel was bound to show up any minute no doubt with some gift for Michaela. The urgency of the situation settled on him and he hastily crossed the room. Michaela never moved to greet him with a kiss or even to hug him. She sat perfectly still on the window seat watching him. Sully stopped right in front of her, his knees hitting the edge of the seat. She turned her face up to him and smiled weakly.

"We need to talk," she whispered reaching for his hand so that she could intertwine his fingers with hers. Sully nodded. "Not just about Daniel."

Sully felt slightly perplexed now and it showed on his face. "What about?" he asked, reaching out with his free hand to stroke her hair.

Michaela let out a deep breath. "I don't know where to start. There are so many things I want to tell you – I need to tell you."

"Okay," he whispered still not completely sure what she was referring to.

"Do you think you could slip away this afternoon for awhile after the rally?"

Sully nodded. "Where to?"

"The library at Harvard. I told mother I needed to do some work so she isn't expecting me until later. I figure Daniel won't be looking for us there."

Sully smiled. "Yeah, don't exactly think he's the library type." A silence settled between them and Michaela turned her head to look back out of the window, enjoying the feel of Sully's hand in her own and his fingers gently stroking her hair. "Ya gettin' nervous about your speech today?"

"A little," she admitted as he gave her hand a light squeeze. "It's always good to be a little nervous - keeps me on my toes."

"I'm sure you'll do great." They both heard the library door opening at the same time and Sully quickly stepped back as he and Michaela let go of each other's hands.

"There you two are," Josef said warmly walking over to where they sat. "Are you ready Mike?"

"Sure," she said giving him the same weak smile that Sully had received earlier.

"Of course you are," Josef said with confidence. "I want you to know how proud I am of you Mike. It's hard to make life choices like this. Not everyone is cut out to go against the grain of society." Michaela cast a furtive glance at Sully and swallowed hard. This would be his first time hearing Josef's speech. Michaela had heard it several times in the past few months. "You are an independent woman – wealthy, educated. So many sacrifices but in the end it will be worth it. One day all the mill girls, all the poor uneducated farm wives, all the woman forced into prostitution will be thankful for woman like you who spoke out against the laws that oppressed them."

Sully was listening intently to Josef's speech and he could hear the sentiment intoned there. Michaela had written him about Josef's strange notion that she would never marry but Sully hadn't fully let himself embrace it until that moment. It was only then that he realized the agony that Michaela must feel every time she heard him speak like this.

"I knew on the day you were born that you were destined for greatness, Mike. The silly frivolities that occupied your sisters even as children you were not content with. And so it should be the same way now that you are a woman." He smiled, his chest puffed out with pride. "You are not content to be the mere ornament on some man's arm. Your mind is not wasted on needlepoint and flower tending. Someday," he said, "our names together on the front of my office. I can hardly wait." He rubbed his hands together eagerly as he spoke and Sully literally watched Michaela's face fall.

* * *

Daniel spotted her across the room and started to walk over. In one hand he held a glass of punch for her, determined to make a good impression. She was talking to another woman and so he waited at her side, feeling his heart begin to beat faster as she turned to look at him. "I brought ya some punch," he said almost shyly.

"Thank you," Michaela replied accepting the cup gratefully. "Daniel Simon, I'd like you to meet Sarah Grimke."

"Nice to meet you m'am," Daniel said holding out his hand.

"Mr. Simon," she replied giving him a firm hand shake. "What did you think of Michaela's speech today?"

"I think she did a real good job."

"I agree," Miss Grimke said nodding her head. "She could be invaluable to this movement."

Michaela blushed with modesty. "Which movement are you referring to?"

"Ah, Michaela are you still going on about that? You know I don't believe they really are separate movements at all. Fundamentally it is the same battle." Daniel felt lost and he simply stared from one woman to the other.

"How can you say that? Women are in no way oppressed like slaves in the South are."

"While that may the case, it is the same basic violation of human rights. Black men do not have rights but neither do white women or black women."

"In principle, yes I suppose you are right," intoned Michaela. "Yet how can we argue for equal rights for women the same way we do for a slave in the South. Surely we have more rights than they do."

"I forget Michaela you are still young to this movement. Slaves must take the name of their master and women must take the name of their husband. Slaves have no say in what happens to their children and as it sits right now in every state in the union, men have sole custody of their children in the case of a divorce. Slaves have no right to their wage and neither do women. The money they earn goes straight to their husbands. Slaves have no legal existence and neither do we."

"Still we are treated as people who think and feel."

"Is that true my dear or are we merely playthings – pretty baubles for our husband's arm?" Miss Grimke turned quickly towards Daniel now to avoid anymore of Michaela's arguments. "And you sir, are you in favor of elective franchise for women?"

Daniel's eyes grew large as the focus turned towards him. He had no idea what elective franchise was so he had no idea how to answer. "Sure," he stammered, hoping that was the right thing to say.

Miss Grimke nodded her head but Daniel couldn't tell if this was a good thing or a bad thing from the look on her face. "You do seem to travel with progressive gentleman," she said turning back towards Michaela who was having a hard time suppressing a grin. It was then that Sully joined them. He too had a glass of punch for Michaela but seeing one already in her hand, he offered it to Miss Grimke.

"Thank you," she said regarding their new arrival. "I don't believe we've been introduced."

Michaela turned quickly. "Sorry, Sarah Grimke, this is Sully."

"Mr. Sully," she said admiring the young man who stood before her. "We were just talking about elective franchise for women. How do you feel on the matter?"

Sully smiled over at Michaela as he answered. "How can there be fair representation without all the voices being allowed to speak?" Michaela beamed from ear to ear. Sully always knew the right things to say when he was with her in these situations.

"My point exactly, Mr. Sully. My point exactly. Well if you will excuse me," she interjected. "I really need to make my rounds."

"Of course," Michaela replied and they moved aside so Miss Grimke could be on her way.

"Good job," Sully said meeting Michaela's eyes. She felt him brush against her forearm sending a million different tingles racing through her body. "I don't think I've ever seen ya have such passion- such anger."

"Something inside seemed to take over," she replied shyly knowing it had everything to do with the letter she had received this morning. "Was it too much?" she asked nervously.

"No," Sully assured her. "Ya did real good – everyone is saying so." Michaela smiled as she smoothed the front of her dress. Her eyes locked with Sully's for a moment and she knew that he was looking forward to this afternoon as much as she was dreading it.

"What's elective fran... fran...?" Daniel asked moving in close to the other two.

"Franchise," Michaela corrected as she finally broke eye contact with Sully. "The right to vote."

"Oh," Daniel said, frowning, once again reminded that he didn't fit into her world. "Why didn't she just say that?"

Michaela giggled. "I think it makes us sound more educated somehow as if that would convince men we are qualified to vote."

Did ya know what that meant, Sully?"

Sully nodded. "Yeah but ya gotta remember I been listenin' to this mess for years."

"Sully," Michaela chided giving him a disgruntled look. "Mess?" She knew he was joking but Daniel did not.

"If you feel that way Sully, why did ya bother coming today?" he looked accusingly at his friend. Sully wrinkled his brow up as he considered Daniel who whole heartedly believed he was coming to Michaela's defense. "This is important to Michaela. I can't believe ya would say somethin' like that." As he spoke his anger seemed to grow.

"I was only joking," he defended.

"These issues are important Sully - not things to joke about."

Sully wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or shout at Daniel. Clearly he was only trying to impress Michaela but Sully thought he was pushing it a little far. Michaela watched Sully's face for his reaction. She too thought Daniel was being a little heavy handed with the flattery and wasn't sure if Sully might just snap at some point. Things were still tense whenever Daniel made it overtly clear that he had more than simply a passing interest in Michaela. It didn't help that Daniel rarely left them alone. On the rare occasions that he did, it was usually only for a short time period, long enough to share a kiss per chance but not to have a serious discussion about anything. "He knows that Daniel," Michaela interjected quickly. "He's simply trying to get a rise out of me."

Daniel nodded his head as his cheeks turned red with embarrassment. "Alright," he said casting a nervous glance over at Sully. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes," Michaela and Sully answered almost in unison.

* * *

Michaela walked and walked, through endless shelves of books, past small bands of male students who cast disapproving glances in her direction until she found the place. It was a small secluded table on the second floor of the library all the way in the farthest corner from the stairs. That was how Michaela had described it to Sully anyway. She hoped he wouldn't have any trouble finding it. Her presence as a woman attracted far too much attention outside and so she felt it necessary to hide away. Hiding… that was all she could think about. Pressing her face to the wood of the table, she reveled in the coolness she found there. Lost in the sensation and her troubled thoughts, she didn't hear his approach.

"Michaela." She jumped, raising her head quickly.

"William?" she asked, sure her face had turned scarlet.

"Are you okay?" He walked closer to her now and laid a hand on her forehead as if he were checking a small child for a fever.

Quickly she pulled away. "I'm fine," she protested.

"What are you doing here?"

Michaela swallowed hard. She had to get rid of William as soon as possible. Nervously she glanced over his shoulder. "I have a little work to do," she lied.

"You don't have any books," he pointed out, his voice soft and gentle. She stood up then, staring at him unsure what to say.

"I… sometimes… I sometimes come here to think about things. That's what I'm doing now."

He leaned in closer to her making Michaela more agitated. "If there is anything else you need, I want to help… truly." The look on his face was one that Michaela didn't particularly like. "Sometimes we get ourselves into situations…dilemmas and we aren't quite sure what to do."

"William, I assure you that there is no situation or dilemma."

"The medicine was for you, wasn't it?" he asked still moving closer. William laid one hand against her upper arm at the same moment Sully appeared from around the corner of the bookshelf. His eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of the scene before him. Clearly Michaela was agitated and Sully wasn't too happy about how close William stood to his fiancé.

"Excuse me," he said pushing past William in the narrow space between the table and the wall. "Ya ready Michaela?" His hand immediately pushed William's aside so that he could grip her upper arm. Sully never realized how the position of his hand might appear to someone else.

A look of relief flooded Michaela's face. "Yes," she whispered almost breathlessly.

William looked from one of their faces to the other trying to ascertain exactly what he was witnessing. He didn't like Sully's tone and he was surprised at the placement of his hand on her person as if he was ordering her about. His mind jumped wildly from assumption to assumption leaving him with unfounded conclusions that had no valid logic to them. "Michaela I want to help you," he reiterated.

Sully was beginning to get angry. "She doesn't need help," he replied, his voice more menacing than before.

"William, I don't think you understand." Michaela shook her head as she spoke. "I don't want you to have the wrong idea about things."

William looked up at Sully and then back down at her, sighing deeply. "What else am I to think?" he said once again moving his eyes down to where Sully's hand grasped Michaela. Sully noticed and let go, dropping his hand down beside hers. When Michaela actually grabbed hold of his fingers, he was surprised and appreciative of this small gesture.

"I suppose asking someone to believe what I tell them is too much," she said despairingly.

William heard the tone in her voice and saw the way her face had fallen. "Michaela, it's not that," he clarified. "There are so many new ideas out there and I know you travel in those circles."

Sully felt himself losing control of his anger. He didn't like the insinuations that William was making and he quickly dropped Michaela's hand as he moved in between the two of them. Grabbing William's lapels, he pushed him backwards into a bookshelf. "I think ya better drop it," he growled.

"Sully," Michaela scolded forcing herself between the two men. Sully took a step backwards as Michaela removed his hands from William's jacket.

William looked down at Michaela with something akin to pity. "My offer for help still stands," he said. "Good day," he replied turning abruptly and moving away from the table. He glanced back over his shoulder once only to see them watching his departure. There was now no doubt in William's mind that Michaela was in fact the one who was ill and that Sully was the one who had caused her illness. His first thought was to go to Josef but he knew that even though Michaela wasn't technically his patient that would be a breech of privacy. He simply needed to get her alone, to talk to her one on one. He would make her tell him and then together they could tell Josef.

Once William was out of sight, Michaela moved quickly away from Sully. "I can't believe you just did that," she whispered loudly, her own anger showing through. "You can't go around beating people up because they think bad things about me. There is probably going to be a lot of that you know."

Sully looked confused and slightly hurt. "I was only trying to defend ya," he argued.

"I know but in Boston you can't threaten someone physically simply because you don't like what they have to say."

Sully narrowed his eyes wondering if Michaela realized how she was coming off. "Yeah 'cause I just beat up everyone in Colorado who disagrees with me," he returned sarcastically, his voice louder than he realized.

"Shh!" she warned him, not wanting to alert anyone else in their general vicinity. "Maybe we better go outside," she suggested considering the options and deciding it was best not to get in trouble here.

Sully nodded and quickly turned to follow her back through the maze of shelves, down the stairs and eventually out through the front door. The walk had done nothing to calm him down, he actually felt more agitated now. Michaela led him around the side of the building so that they were now hidden away in a small alcove behind a tree, almost impossible to be seen.

Michaela stood sideways instead of facing him head on. She knew why she had asked him here – she knew what she needed to say but at the moment it seemed much easier to simply be angry with him about anything and everything. "You don't own me," she began looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "Other men have the right to talk to me."

"I never said they didn't," Sully returned.

"That's how you act. First with Daniel and now with William…"

"God, Michaela is that what you think this is all about? Ya think I care about Daniel or William?"

"That is certainly how it seems," she retorted wondering how he was possibly going to deny it. "I feel like you don't trust me or at least doubt that I love only you."

"I don't care about them. I don't like it when Daniel brings ya stuff and I don't like it when William's got his hand on ya … but see that's just it. They can do that. I'm your fiancé and I can't even walk down the street holdin' your hand. I can't bring ya flowers or take ya to dinner or even have a chaperoned walk in the park with ya." Michaela swallowed hard as she considered what he was saying. "I want to be able to do those things," he said his voice now softer in tone. "It ain't fair that they get to do those things and I can't."

Michaela felt worse than ever now. Here he was finally admitting what made him so crazy and she was about to tell him that they would have to wait even longer to be together. "It's only for a little while," she stated. "We have our whole lives to be together. Things are complicated here. Didn't you hear my father this morning Sully? Don't you understand the tremendous pressure I feel?"

"I didn't realize how bad it was until this morning," he assented. "I just can't help to think that if we just told 'em, that would all be different."

"No it wouldn't. It wouldn't be different at all. You were there when my father found out about Marjorie and Paul. You saw what happened. Don't you think he will react that way to us? Not to mention how everyone else will react. This situation is so delicate – it's hard enough to get into medical school without some nasty scandal following me around." She swallowed hard as the words medical school left her mouth. Here was the issue and yet she was dancing all around it. "I need my father Sully - He didn't speak to Marjorie for months. That can't happen with me."

"Would that be the worst thing in the world Michaela?" Sully asked pointedly. His eyes met hers and he could see that she was angry. That didn't bother Sully though; he pressed on refusing to back down from her gaze.

Michaela was seething yet her anger wasn't really directed at Sully but the man's worlds she had to grow up in. "I can't believe you asked me that. So now I have to choose between my family and you because you want to tell them right away? I told you – we just need to give it some time, break it to them slowly."

"At the pace we're goin' they're gonna be dead before we even manage the part about us bein' engaged." Sully threw his hands up in disgust and snorted.

"Sully you know how things are here. Everyone thinks we're brother and sister, if we up and start courting it will mess everything up. We just need to go about this the right way."

"That's what it is Michaela … there's a right way to do everything… have to keep everything structured and ordered in your neat little packages. Can't have anyone thinkin' bad about ya because of me. Don't worry though I'm goin' back to Colorado with Daniel – I wouldn't want to embarrass ya anymore."

"Sully I never said that! Stop putting words in my mouth."

"It ain't your words I'm worried about – it's your actions."

"You're really one to talk. You can't even tell Daniel about us because you're just as afraid how it will make you look. Don't even talk to me about being ashamed – I figured it all out you know. How are you going to look like a man when your girl is living half way across the country because she wants to go to school? Don't want to own up to that one, do you?"

"It's none of their business first off. And besides it's different. Men are different about things like this. I got to work with these men day in and day out. I got to trust them in those mines and they got to be able to trust me…"

"That has absolutely nothing to do with why you haven't told Daniel," Michaela muttered. She turned so that she faced him directly now. "You're just as ashamed as I am."

"I'm not ashamed of you- how could you possibly think that?" he asked, his voice sounding more and more dejected. Her words rang inside of his head but he couldn't bring himself to say them back to her. Sully couldn't help but wonder if she had even realized what she was saying.

Michaela turned away from him now. Had she really said she was ashamed? The thought cut her to the very quick knowing that she had managed to hurt Sully in the one way she knew would bother him more than any other. She let out a deep sigh trying to think of what to do, what to say. Somehow saying she was sorry didn't seem strong enough. "How do you go backwards?" she whispered.

"Backwards?" Sully asked in confusion. "What do ya mean?"

"How do you take back the hurtful words? How do you make things simple again?"

Sully furrowed his brow in response. "What's so complicated?"

"Me… you… us," she breathed out. "I just want things to be simple again like when we were kids.. before college and woman's rights, before our engagement."

The words rang out through the afternoon air like a bolt of lightening rushing towards the earth. They struck Sully's heart harder than he ever thought possible and he literally stumbled backwards under the weight of them. "Our engagement?" he asked, his voice low and gravelly. "Well I guess ya can't go back. We ain't gonna get younger, ya can't stop progress in the world but if ya don't want to be engaged just say the word."

"I didn't mean it like that. I suppose I wonder sometimes about the timing… if we were really ready for this step. We had been through so much with Anna's death and all. Were we simply acting on emotion and not being practical?"

Sully shook his head. "Just take it back," he said the anger returning to his voice. "Love ain't something that ya can wrap up in one of your neat packages, Michaela. It's not structured or orderly or simple. We can't go back… at least I can't anyway but if ya want out, just say the word."

Michaela felt paralyzed and though she knew words would be the quickest way to correct his wrong conclusions, she found it extremely hard to speak. She wanted to scream out her desire to marry him but right now that felt loaded with more demands and pressures that boxed her in and trapped her. She could see the pain on his face and that was hurting her more than anything.

Sully took her silence as meaning she wanted out or at least that she wasn't sure she wanted to be engaged anymore. Quickly he stepped back from her, wanting to run from the situation. He dropped his head unwilling to look her in the eyes again. "Daniel is going back to Colorado tomorrow… I'll be going with him." He turned now and took off across the quad as Michaela reached out for him. What had she done? Why had she hurt him like this? Why hadn't she spoken up? She would have hurt him either way she told herself. Maybe this was for the best. Yet if it was for the best, why did it hurt so bad.

* * *

**Boston – September 1864**

Elizabeth knocked softly at the door waiting for Michaela's reply. She had given her the letters hours ago and still Michaela hadn't left her room. From the first moment she had chosen this course of action, she knew it would not be easy on Michaela but she was determined to do the right thing at all costs. "Michaela," she called softly but received no answer.

She turned the knob and the door opened to reveal Michaela sitting in the floor surrounded by piles and piles of letters. Elizabeth knew who they were from without even asking but she was surprised that Michaela had held onto them all this time. "Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

Michaela looked up at her with tear stained cheeks. "I don't know, "she whispered, a look of desperation on her face. "I don't know. I need to find something. I lost something and I need to find it."

"What did his letters say?" she asked ignoring Michaela's ranting for now.

Michaela picked up one letter from the floor and threw it towards her mother. "I'm sorry!" she screamed. "They all say I'm sorry… all but this last one. This last one says maybe things are better this way. This one here… this line right here… this one says he is moving on. And you know what… I'm glad. I'm really glad for him because things are better this way."

Elizabeth considered her for a minute and then spoke carefully. "If things are better this way, then why are you hurting so bad?"

**

* * *

Boston – June 5, 1853**

A steady rain fell from the sky as Michaela picked her way across the cobblestone street and stood in front of the hidden door in the hedge. She had walked the distance from Beacon Hill to Back Bay. Her clothes were almost soaked through and her hair was an absolute mess but that didn't matter. After her actions from the day before, she felt as if the walk over was penance for hurting the one person in the world she loved the most. She still was having trouble making sense of her actions but she also knew that she need to take steps to correct them as soon as possible whether or not she could make sense of them. Taking a deep breath, she let herself into the door and slipped back towards the cottage. She had no plan if Daniel was there; she hadn't thought that far in advance. She only knew that she had letters in her pocket, letters that Sully needed to see.

Again she hesitated as she stood at the cottage door, the rain beginning to descend harder now. She knocked lightly and waited, wishing that the ground might swallow her up instead of having to see the hurt she had caused reflected on his face once again. "Michaela?" Sully said in disbelief as he opened the door. Several times during the night, he had dreamed that she had come to him but every time he awoke he found it was untrue. He could hardly believe that she stood before him now.

"Are you alone?" she asked peering over his shoulder.

"Yeah, Daniel went to Beacon Hill to see ya."

"Good," she sighed in relief brushing past him into the house.

"What are ya doin' here?" he asked, his tone unsettling to Michaela.

She thrust her hand deep into her pocket and pulled out the bundle of letters she carried there. "Here," she said holding them out to him by the string with which they were tied together.

"What are these?"

"Something I should have told you about right away," she replied. "Go ahead… read them. Or read one of them at least. They all say the same thing."

Sully gave her another odd look but placed the bundle of letters on the table and untied the string. Removing one letter from the stack, he slipped his finger inside the soggy envelope and carefully pulled out the letter.

_May 15, 1853_

_Miss Michaela Quinn_

_10 Mount Street_

_Beacon Hill, Massachusetts_

_Dear Miss Quinn,_

_I am sorry to inform you that you will not be considered as a candidate for admission. Though your academic record is impressive, it is the policy of our university to not admit women into our medical college. We have a very nice teacher's program that does admit a small number of women each year. I hope that you will apply there in the near future. _

_Sincerely,_

_J.T. Westerley_

_Dean of Admissions_

_Yale University_

_New Haven, Conneticut_

Sully looked up at her as he finished reading the letter. "They all say this?" he asked.

"Some are nicer than others," she said nodding her head.

Sully felt all of the emotion from the day before start to dissipate somewhat and he quickly crossed to her. He laid a firm hand on her shoulder but did not draw her into his embrace. "Is this what yesterday was about?" he asked.

"I don't know why I couldn't just tell you," she dropped her head. "That's not really true- I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would be disappointed."

Sully's eyes grew large. "So ya thought ending our engagement would be better than disappointing me?" The anger had returned to his voice now and Michaela sensed it.

"Sully, I don't want to end our engagement. I never wanted that. I just can't help but feel like I'm letting everyone down. Father doesn't want me to get married and I can't even explain to him that I am already engaged. I know you want to get married and now we'll have to wait at least another year if I can even find a medical school to accept me."

"Why do we have to wait?" he asked, his face contorted with confusion.

"We said we'd wait until after medical school. No one will accept me mid-year so now I will have to wait another year," she explained.

"But I thought you had another semester of college?"

"I was going to finish up this summer with some outside help. My advisor said to go ahead and apply. Father seemed to think it was a good idea too. Several of my teachers recommended that I be allowed to start my training as soon as possible. I thought I would have something exciting to tell you when you came home but well…" Her voice trailed off as she looked over at the letters. "They all said no." She closed the short distance between them, burying her head against his shoulder. At first, Sully only stood there with Michaela's arms awkwardly wrapped around his waist but when he heard the first stifled sob he brought his arms up to hold her close to him.

"Someone will say yes, Michaela. I believe that with all my heart."

"Oh Sully," she cried. "I didn't mean anything I said yesterday. I didn't mean any of it. I was so angry about so many things and I just couldn't tell you."

"Michaela," he breathed out her name rolling off his lips sounding as sweet as honey. "Ya can't hold things back from me. That only makes it worse."

She raised her head and glimpsed the bags lying in the corner of the room. "Are you leaving?" she asked.

"I bought my ticket this morning. Train leaves at 3 this afternoon."

"Please don't leave yet… another week… or day even…" Her voice trailed off here as she once again buried her head against his shoulder.

"What for?" he asked feeling as if he might burst with emotion. "Why do you need me to stay?"

Michaela knew she had hurt him too much recently to be generic now. He needed specifics, tangibles and the truth be known she did as well. She lifted her head and laid it back against his shoulder turned to the side. "You're the only person in the world who makes me truly laugh." She felt Sully relax into her embrace. "Because you've always believed in me. Because you are the only person I want when I'm upset or happy. Because you're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last person on my mind when I go to sleep each night." She grew silent for a moment and then moved even closer to his ear. "Because I'm yours."

"I can't let you go," he whispered in return. "I don't care how long it takes. I don't care if I have to wait forever. I'll wait. We'll figure out a way to make this work." Michaela had no other words, she had already spoken all of them but she clung to Sully now. He could feel her desperation and he didn't dare let go. "I'll stay another few days," he assured her.

* * *

**Boston – June 10, 1853**

Michaela walked down the hall of the hospital feeling genuinely happy. Daniel had left almost a week ago now and Sully had agreed to stay on for a few days. Somehow they managed to move past the arguments and fights, though they never really did settle the whole issue of when to break the news to the Quinns about their relationship. In a sense, they did go backwards for a brief time. They spend many afternoons on the Common, reading to each other or walking among the trees. Their childhood seemed so close to them and they took simple pleasure in being with one another just as they had then. Tomorrow she would have to say good bye to Sully and though that would be hard, she knew that it was necessary. He had already promised to come back for Thanksgiving and stay on through Christmas which gave her something to look forward to.

Her shoes made a loud sound against the hospital floor and Michaela actually hummed a little tune in time with her steps. Between the tune and her own thoughts, she was so preoccupied that she never even noticed William until he was right upon her. "Michaela," he said as she stopped in her tracks.

"Yes?"

"Could we talk for a minute? he asked tentatively. He was determined to speak with her no matter what but it was also important that he start out with some tact.

"If his is about the other day…." She dropped her voice as her eyes met his.

"Let's go to my office so we can really talk," he suggested and she obediently followed preferring to not have a scene in the hospital halls. As soon as the door was closed, she felt immensely uncomfortable and wished to God Sully was there right now to defend her honor so to speak. "Michaela I really want to help you."

"William, I don't need any help," she assured him.

"I know how things are Michaela. I'm not gullible. Some women that I see fall down the stairs routinely once a week."

Michaela wrinkled her face up. "What are you talking about?"

"If Sully's hurting you, let me help."

"He's not hurting me," she insisted again.

"But he did give you that infection." Michaela closed her eyes and lifted her head towards the ceiling as she let out a sigh of frustration.

"For the last time William – it's not me! I don't have any kind of infection especially that kind! It was for Marjorie!" Immediately she covered her mouth with her hand as she realized what she had just done.

"Marjorie?" William asked. "But she's married. She's not having an …" He couldn't bring himself to say it but he also couldn't help but to see her in the arms of Paul.

"Right because the wife would be the one to be unfaithful."

"Everett?" William whispered looking up at Michaela in a state of disbelief.


	78. Chapter 78

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- eight**

**Boston – June 10, 1853**

"Stop here," William called to the carriage driver.

"But sir, I thought you said 12 Exeter Street."

"I know but please let me out here." The driver gave a nod of his head and stopped the carriage immediately. William stood to pay the driver. "Could you meet me back here in an hour?" he asked handing the cabby a handsome tip.

"Sure thing," he replied and then was off with a wave of his hand.

William turned now to the brick sidewalk that ran along the street. He was in front of number 6 and he looked ahead making out his destination. Doubts raced through his mind but he pressed on, walking in that direction. He wasn't sure what had compelled him to come. He wasn't sure he would even be received. Yet when Michaela had spoken her name, when he had realized she was pregnant; he had known at that moment that he would go and see her. The houses were large and grand making the distance between them slightly more than William had counted on. The June afternoon sun beat down hard on his back as moisture made his shirt cling to his skin.

Finally he stopped in front of number twelve. His eyes searched the drive for any sign that Everett was there and though he had no way to really be certain, he felt fairly confident he would be out. His pace down the driveway was much more leisurely as he tried to think of what to say, knowing that the situation would be awkward no matter how he approached it. They had a past together and though she was now a married woman that wouldn't simply override the fact that they once courted, that he had once considered marrying her.

Michaela didn't know he was here. She had actually sworn him to secrecy but he had known from the moment she had left his office that he would come here. There was a part of him that wanted to help and there was another part that was simply curious but he had managed to convince himself that his motives were pure nonetheless. The large entryway of the door rose up before him as he mounted the steps, his pace slowing considerably more now. He hesitated, taking deep breaths before reaching out his hand to the door knocker. Slowly, he raised the gold quickly bringing it down several times as the sound reverberated off the trees. William had already told himself that if no one answered in a timely manner he would simply leave but that did not happen.

The door swung open to reveal a short middle aged woman dressed in traditional housekeeper garb. "Sir?" she asked giving a slight bow of her head.

"Is Mr. DuMaur in?" he asked deciding it best to assess Everett's whereabouts first.

"I'm sorry he is not," she replied barely raising her eyes to look at him.

"How about Mrs. DuMaur?"

The woman nodded her head somewhat hesitantly. "Your name sir and I will announce you."

"Dr. Burke, Dr. William Burke," he said stepping past the woman into the foyer. "I'll wait here," he assured her as she turned to find Marjorie and announce their visitor.

It seemed only seconds later that Marjorie appeared followed by the housekeeper. The red of her hair stood out against the green of her dress making William smile. "William?" she questioned peeking around the edge of the banister to see him better. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he replied generically. "I'd like to speak with you in private if that is possible." Marjorie cast a nervous glance over at the middle-aged woman and she quickly scuttled off. She then turned to William giving an almost imperceptible nod of her head as she waved him back to her small study. William smiled as he entered the room. The colors were light and airy. The window was thrown open to the afternoon and a light breeze blew in scenting the room with lilac. "This is nice," he said taking a seat while looking around.

Marjorie regarded him warily as she chose to sit down behind her desk, wanting to distance herself from him somewhat. "Thank you," she whispered her eyes locked on his face. "It's nice to see you."

"You as well," he replied turning to face her but still not revealing his purpose in being there.

"May I ask what brought you here today?" Marjorie tried to sound casual but she knew it sounded more foolish than anything.

Sucking in a sharp breath, William felt his cheeks grow warm. "I'm worried about you," he said, watching Marjorie's eyes begin to cloud over with this simple statement. "I thought… I assumed wrongly that when Michaela had asked me for the medication…I assumed that it was for her. I am afraid I have been quite vigilant in trying to make her confess to her illness. Yet today I fear I pushed her too far and she told me."

Marjorie looked up at him, wondering exactly what Michaela had said but from the look on his face she knew. A sudden anger flared up within her and she clenched the top of her desk tightly to keep from saying something she would regret.

"Don't be angry with her," William continued. "I practically made her tell me and she swore me to secrecy but well…." His voice trailed off as he tried to think of the best way to phrase what he needed to say. "I want to help you," he whispered leaning in towards the desk. "Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"No." Marjorie cast her eyes downward as shame overtook her. "I didn't want to go until this cleared up."

"So you don't even know how far along your pregnancy is?" Marjorie shook her head almost shamefully. "Let me examine you. Let me treat you," William said forcefully, willing Marjorie to look up at him.

"William, I don't think that is such a good idea," she returned feeling more uneasy with each passing moment. She was already concerned that Lucille, the housekeeper would tell Everett about William's visit. That worried her because she wasn't willing to take any chances with this pregnancy. She never knew when Everett might go off at the smallest thing but certainly a male visitor would not sit well with him, especially an ex-suitor.

"Why not? Aren't you worried about your baby, Marjorie? If this infection doesn't clear up, it could affect your baby."

Marjorie felt her breath catch in her throat as her hands went immediately down to cover her lower abdomen. She had sworn to herself that nothing was going to happen to this baby, yet she hadn't considered that this could hurt her child. Her eyes were focused on the desk as she considered the options before her. The thought of telling one more person – of having one more person know her shameful secret was suddenly more than she could take. Her only hesitation was Josef. "You won't tell my father?"

William shook his head. "No. You'll be my patient. I can't ethically tell anyone."

"Okay," Marjorie agreed slowly rising from the chair. Her hands trembled and she swallowed against the rising emotion in her chest. "I don't want anything to happen to this baby." Her words were soft and filled with sorrow which broke William's heart. He rose too now and stepped closer to her. Laying a comforting hand on her shoulder, he gave it a light squeeze.

"I'll do anything I can to help."

Marjorie raised her eyes to his and found great compassion there. Letting out a shaky breath, she nodded her head and gave him a weak smile. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

* * *

**Boston Common - June 11, 1853**

Michaela stood on the edge of the brick walkway looking back and forth across the deserted Common, wondering where Sully was. He had told her to meet him here at seven in the morning and so Michaela had risen especially early to leave the house before either of her parents was downstairs. This would be their last morning together before he returned to Colorado so even though she knew it was a risk, she considered it worth it. A lone figure emerged from a clump of trees down by the water's edge and she smiled, scolding herself for not thinking to look there first. He waved to her and she started off across the grass towards him, the bottom of her skirt dragging the dew kissed blades.

Leaning casually back against a tree, he looked rather fetching in the early morning light. The shirt he was wearing had a light blue strip that she thought accented his eyes perfectly. He hadn't bothered to shave this morning and though his stubble would be rough against her cheeks, she secretly loved him best this way. "You seem happy," he said giving her a coy smile. "Guess ya ain't gonna miss me?"

"You know that's not true," she replied stepping closer.

"Then why ya smilin'?" Michaela simply shrugged her shoulders, the same broad grin on her face. "A lady with a secret," he whispered stepping past her and then turning to take her hand.

Michaela couldn't help but giggle as she followed him into the trees that would hide them from the outside world. Her eyes caught sight of a blanket and a picnic basket. "Is this a breakfast picnic?" Sully nodded, his own smile spreading from ear to ear.

"Thought we'd do somethin' a little different." He sat down on the blanket gently tugging on her hand. Michaela sat down too and reached for the picnic basket but he swatted her hand away. "This is my breakfast picnic." Michaela settled back on the blanket smoothing her skirt out around her as Sully unpacked, biscuits and pastries that he had obviously swiped from Marjorie's. Letting her choose first, he took one as well and put the rest back in the basket. Silence settled between them as they hungrily ate but they couldn't help staring at each other, heated looks passing between them.

Michaela was looking forward to a repeat of their last good-bye, though she would never admit it. Things had been rather tentative between them lately as far as their physical relationship was concerned. That was for the best she knew but there was something exciting in pushing the limits as well. Both were done eating now and they each wiped their mouths on the cloth napkins Sully had packed. Michaela smiled over at him in anxious anticipation but Sully dropped his eyes instead of moving closer to her.

"Michaela, I've been thinkin'," he began still not looking up at her. An ominous feeling settled in the pit of Michaela's stomach as a million thoughts raced through her mind. Certainly he wouldn't have brought her out here, planned a picnic and greeted her so warmly if he was planning on calling their relationship off. Logically she knew better but right now the nervous knots in her stomach were louder than her logic. "We got a lot goin' on."

"What do you mean?" she asked her voice betraying her nerves. Sully heard the quiver in her voice and realized a moment too late that he had worried her unnecessarily.

"Hey, hey," he said quickly moving so that he could pull her against him. "Don't go frettin'. I ain't gonna say anythin' bad." Michaela nodded her head but found it hard to meet his eyes. "Ya got a lot of pressure on ya and I feel bad that some of that pressure comes from me."

"No, it doesn't," she protested, quickly raising her head. "Sully I don't feel any pressure from you."

Sully considered her for a minute. "But ya were afraid to tell me about medical school 'cause ya thought that I would be disappointed."

Michaela breathed in quickly and nodded in agreement. "Some pressure," she agreed. "But very little."

Sully felt himself relax some and he reached over to take her hand in his own. "I don't want there to be any pressure from me. I love ya and I wanna marry ya but whether that happens next year or ten years from now don't matter to me. Ya ain't gonna disappoint me. Maybe this whole engagement thing was too big of a step – maybe for the time being we should pretend like it never happened."

Michaela reached her free hand up to stroke the side of his face, his stubble rough against her fingertips. "Ten years?" she asked. "I hope we don't have to wait ten years." Sully laughed lightly as Michaela studied his face. Michaela moved so she sat next to him now, leaning her head in against his shoulder, still considering what he had said.

"Michaela?" Sully asked after sometime wondering why she didn't say more.

"After I was so horrible to you last week, I really started thinking about what I had said especially concerning our engagement." Sully leaned his chin lightly on top of her head drawing her even closer to him. "That whole thing about being caught up in the emotion of Anna's death… well that simply isn't true."

"No?" Sully asked placing a light kiss to the top of her head.

"My father's wrong, you know. When I was little Marjorie had this china doll dressed in a beautiful wedding dress. I used to love it when she would let me hold it or even just look at it."

"Didn't ya have any dolls?" Sully asked.

"I did have a few but mother took them away from me because I kept operating on them," Michaela laughed but there was a hollowness to her voice. "After that I was never given any. I did like to go outside and play much more than either of my sisters but that doesn't mean that I didn't like pretty playthings as well." She looked up at him suddenly. "I am a girl," she said forcefully. "And it's as if he can't recognize that. Maybe I don't like needlepoint but that's only because I like science and medicine. I have different interests than my sisters but I still like to look beautiful, to dance…." She looked shyly up at Sully. "To kiss…" Sully smiled at the blush that had settled on her cheeks. "To fall in love and get married."

"Ya need to be able to choose your own path."

Michaela nodded. "I'm not taking this engagement ring off," she whispered. "I said yes and I meant yes." Sully couldn't help but feel his spirits soar. His offer had been made only as a concession that he hoped would help her feel less pressure. "That is if you still want to marry me."

With her head tilted up facing his, Sully didn't feel the need to use words. He descended quickly, their lips crashing together as Sully kissed her hard. His hand crept up her back until it had reached the top of her dress. Michaela felt his fingers creep inside seeking the necklace. His thumb and forefinger closed around the gold chain and he gave it a light tug. Michaela pulled away from him. "Here, let me," she whispered, their faces only inches apart. Her fingers worked deftly to undo the necklace and to free the ring from its concealment. She placed it in his hand and then held out her hand to him. Sully smiled at her before quickly placing the ring on her finger.

"Thank you," he whispered his breath stirring her hair.

"For what?" she asked.

Sully ran his hand down the side of her face, letting his fingers linger on her neck before repeating the motion. "For loving me, for believing in me, for wanting to marry me…"

"What time is it?" she asked all of a sudden.

Sully fished around in his pocket and pulled out his watch. "Quarter to eight," he said giving her a strange look. "Do ya gotta go?"

"No, I just wanted to see if you were carrying my watch," she replied cheekily. Sully laughed and then let her go, lying back on the blanket. He stretched his hands out underneath his head and looked up into the canopy created by the trees.

"Michaela there's somethin' I wanna tell ya but I don't want ya to think I'm puttin' pressure on ya." He looked over at her to see that she was sliding the picnic basket onto the grass so that she could stretch out perpendicular to him with her head on his stomach. "Are ya listenin'?"

"Umm-hmm," she said turning so she could see him better.

"Daniel's mine is near Pike's Peak so one day him and me decided to just go explorin'. We took the wagon out and headed over to some little town called Colorado Springs. It's kinda far from where we are- usually go to Manitou for what we need. Then we drove outside of town and kinda looked around at the land."

"What's it like?" Michaela asked smiling up at him, knowing that someday she would live there with him.

"It's hard to describe. The trees are green like they are here but more so… if that even makes sense." Sully shook his head. "Everything's so bold… the blue of the sky, the white snow topped Peak, every blade of grass…. I saw this piece of land… the view is amazin'."

Michaela looked up at him curiously, seeing the glint in his eye. "And?"

"I don't wanna put pressure on ya," he restated.

"Tell me," she whispered reaching up toward his face.

"That's where I wanna live… where I want us to live." Sully looked down to assess Michaela's reaction and felt his heart swell with joy when he saw the look of excitement on her face. She pushed herself up on her knees and pivoted so that she now was parallel to him. Leaning down she placed a light kiss to his lips, feeling a little strange in this position. It was usually her lying down and Sully…

Sully noticed the quizzical look on her face as she pulled back. "What?" he asked raising his hand to stroke her cheek.

"Nothing," she said blushing furiously.

Sully laughed as Michaela settled down next to him. "Now I don't feel curious at all," he joked. Michaela simply smiled over at him as she stretched herself along his form, her head propped on her elbow.

"Tell me about us," she said rolling a little so that her body rested slightly upon his. "About our future."

Sully's eyes swept over her face as again he felt a sudden burst of joy within his chest. She did want to think about their future and that meant the world to Sully. "First we're gonna get married," he said watching her carefully.

"Where?" she asked.

"I think that's a girl decision."

"What?" she giggled.

"Not that I ain't lookin' forward to the weddin' but I think that's mostly a thing for girls. Ya should tell me about that." As he threw it back on her she moved so that her head lay on his chest, her hand over his heart.

"It will be an afternoon wedding here on the Common," she said her voice far away and dreamy. "No, no - it will be at dusk at Anna's house in Maryland and the reception will be on the front lawn with lots of candlelight. The moon will be full reaching down to touch the river and emitting its silvery hue all around. And I'll dance my first married dance with you there under the stars, the smell of honeysuckle hanging in the air." Sully wondered how Michaela planned to orchestrate nature in such a way but he remained quiet enjoying listening to her dreams. Michaela's eyes were closed now as if she was watching the scene play out in front of her. "Daniel can be your best man and Rebecca will be my matron of honor. Emily will be my flower girl."

"What about Anne?" Sully couldn't help but interject merrily.

"You honestly think Anne is going to come to our wedding. Her Sully is marrying her wicked aunt." Michaela laughed and turned her head to peek up at Sully.

"How do ya think that Rebecca and Robert produced her?"

Michaela giggled. "What do you mean?"

"She seems like she should be Maureen or Claudette's daughter or even Marjorie but Rebecca… I just don't get it." They both laughed enjoying the ease of the moment and conversation.

"What will our children be like Sully?"

"We'll have two daughters each as beautiful as ya. One- she'll be quiet, demure, kind and compassionate. She'll want to be a doctor like her ma. The other one will love the feel of the wind in her hair and you'll never be able to keep shoes on her or keep her sitting still for more than a minute. Our girls will be best of friends, keepin' each other up late at night until we're forced to tell them to be quiet and go to sleep." He stopped and swallowed hard, unsure where all those thoughts had come from so quickly.

"And two sons," Michaela continued. "Both handsome like their pa. One will be an artist, a dreamer. He will see the world before him and will not rest until he has committed it to the canvas. The other will be studious and brave, committed to justice at all costs. He'll be a lawyer or a judge. They'll both be full of mischief, sneaking frogs in the house and teasing their sisters."

She looked up at him again now. "It sounds like a lovely family," he said. Nodding her head, she drew close to his face.

"It will be," she breathed out as their lips met in a gentle kiss. She pulled back a little so that she hovered over him, her sweet breath hitting his cheek. "You better write me the minute you get to Colorado," she teased.

"I'm gonna wire ya just like Daniel did." He laughed as she rolled her eyes. Then lifting his head he kissed her again. "I love ya," he said pulling her tight against him.

"I love you too," she echoed laying her head back on his chest.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1867**

Sully kneeled in front of her casting his shirt off to the side. Smiling up at Michaela, he began to untie her shoes. Michaela relaxed back against the chair enjoying Sully's attention. The day had been long and hard complicated by the arrival of her parents this afternoon. Yet she let all that fall away when she felt his fingers travel up her calves to find the top of her stockings. Slowly he rolled them down, his fingers sending tingles through her entire body. Now he turned his attention to her bare feet, taking the left one in his hand first he began to massage the sole.

"Ya need to rest more during the day. You're ankles are swollen again."

"I know," she sighed. "It's hard to stop sometimes though."

"Did our daughter give ya a hard time today?"

"Colleen? No, she was extremely helpful."

"I meant the baby," he said reaching up to lovingly stroke her abdomen.

"And how, Mr. Sully, are you so sure that this little one is a girl?" Michaela asked smiling down at her husband as her hand joined his.

"Cause we already got two sons and one daughter. We need one more girl to complete our family." He gave her a wink as he moved to work on her right foot bringing his hand back down to help.

Michaela laughed lightly, recalling their dreams for their life together. Nothing had turned out the way they had planned. It was almost humorous now to think about how different things really were yet not so different all at the same time. After all, she was a doctor married to Sully and living in Colorado Springs just as they had planned. There had been unforeseen years of sadness in between but that didn't matter now. The important thing was that they were together. "We might need to amend our musings some. I have a feeling there might be other children after this one."

Sully rose up on his knees as he ran his hands up her right leg and then down her left. Michaela sucked her bottom lip into her mouth in anxious anticipation of where his fingers might travel next. "And why's that?" he asked watching as her cheeks flushed with desire.

"You have to ask," she giggled as he reached to unbutton the top of her shirt.

* * *

**Boston, June 11, 1853**

William clenched his hands at his sides as he walked across the campus at Harvard. A burning indignation had been rising up in him since his visit with Marjorie yesterday, drowning out all other thoughts. He wasn't a simple man, he didn't lack common sense but he had never seriously considered that someone of Everett's status would treat his wife with such indifference. Marjorie had been tense when he had examined her which was understandable but William was as professional about things as he could be. The infection was clearing up and for that William was grateful. He had left her more medicine and told her to avoid relations with her husband until he had been treated as well.

At that suggestion, she had looked nervous and William knew then that Marjorie wouldn't be able to refuse Everett if he insisted. It had been one look, one fleeting moment that had driven William here. He wanted to wrap his hands around the man's neck or at least punch him but he knew that what was needed was tact and to remain as professional as possible. The building rose up before him now, large and uninviting. Hesitating momentarily, he collected his thoughts and then pushed on through the door looking for Everett's office.

The sound of his shoes hitting against the floorboards reverberated off the walls as he approached the office cluster at the end of the hall. Watching the numbers, he stopped in front of 116 and drew a deep breath before knocking.

"Come in," called his voice through the closed door and William quickly turned the knob to step in. Everett looked up from his desk a little perplexed by this man's presence. "Dr. Burke?" he asked, his brow knitted deeply.

"Do you have a few minutes? I need to speak with you."

"Sure," Everett said indicating a chair on the other side of his desk. "What's this about?"

"I am your wife's physician as you may be aware." Everett contorted his face in displeasure at the statement but William pressed on. "As you know your wife is pregnant. After examining her, I believe she is around 3 months along."

"That far?" Everett asked. "She only told me a few days ago."

"She has an infection, one that I believe you transmitted to her." He could see Everett's face turning red and he knew that he was making him angry but he tried to continue ignoring his reaction. "I have given her some medication. You will need to be treated as well and I think it would be best if you remained chaste during your recovery. The infection could affect the baby."

"The baby?" Everett asked, his face softening somewhat.

"Yes, that is why it's extremely important that you seek treatment as well and that the both of you commit to remain chaste for at least a month. I could examine you and prescribe something…"

"No," Everett said shaking his head. "I have my own doctor."

"Please see him soon."

"I will, Dr. Burke," he assured him. William stood and extended his hand to Everett. "Thank you… uh… for your concern."

"You are most welcome." With that William crossed the room and closed the door behind him as a sense of relief settled over his entire person. That had gone much easier than he had expected. He only hoped that Everett wouldn't be upset with Marjorie.

* * *

The carriage stopped in front of the train station as Michaela unwillingly let go of Sully's hand. Her ring had already been placed back on its chain and tucked inside her dress. There were no telltale signs of their earlier passion – her lips were no longer swollen from his kisses nor were her cheeks flushed with desire. To any passerby they might as well have been brother and sister. Sully jumped down from the carriage and turned to reach his hand up to her.

Michaela gratefully accepted it as she hopped down. "Thank you, sir," she said cheekily giving him a wink.

"You're welcome." Holding out his arm, she linked hers through his as they stepped into the train station. As usual the place was extremely busy making it difficult to maneuver through the crowds towards platform six where Sully's train was departing. They had known that Josef was going to see Sully off but they were not prepared for the sight that greeted them as they rounded the corner. Not only had Josef come but also Elizabeth, Rebecca and Marjorie along with Anne and Emily.

"Over here," Josef called waving Sully and Michaela in their direction. "Where have you two been all morning? I was going to take you out to breakfast." Josef's face was wrinkled in confusion and though Michaela felt the urge to pull away from Sully she didn't. It was good for her father to suspect them she decided and so she left her arm looped through his.

"Sorry," Sully said. "We did just that – went out to breakfast."

"I told them you did," Marjorie interjected giving Michaela a strange look.

Anne had already squirmed her way between Sully and Michaela, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm going to write to you," she said looking up at him.

"Thank ya Anne," he replied gently patting her back. Emily was feigning shyness by hiding behind Rebecca's skirt. "Where's my girl?" Sully called over to Rebecca, not noticing the hateful look on Anne's face. "Did you leave Emily at home today?" Emily giggled and peeked out at Sully.

"She was here a moment ago. I suppose we lost her," Rebecca returned.

"You didn't lose me mama. I'm right here," she said stepping from behind Rebecca and running enthusiastically towards Sully.

"There ya are." Sully swung her up in the air, making Michaela smile and Emily giggle. He hugged her tightly as she wrapped her small arms around his neck.

"I write you too," she said her little legs kicking with excitement.

"Lots of letters then," Sully said casting a furtive glance at Michaela who was smiling broadly. She herself would go home and write Sully a letter right away so that it would hopefully be there soon after his return. He set Emily down and stepped towards the women.

"Marjorie, take care of yourself and the little one," he said leaning in to give her a hug. Josef and Elizabeth exchanged a look of surprise as they regarded the two of them.

"Michaela, can't you remain quiet about anything," Marjorie chided implying more than anyone else knew.

"You're expecting?" Elizabeth asked as her lips began to curl into a smile. Marjorie nodded as her parents descended upon her. Rebecca held a gloved hand over her mouth to hide her laughter while Sully mouthed the words I'm sorry to Michaela. She shook her head as if to say don't worry about it but she couldn't help wonder if William had already broken her trust.

"I'm sorry," Sully offered once Marjorie was visible again. "I didn't realize that…"

Marjorie interrupted him. "It's fine."

"It's more than fine," Josef said. "It's excellent news- another grandbaby." Michaela watched the scene with interest, wondering why Josef couldn't show the same enthusiasm for her own choices.

Sully stepped towards Rebecca. "And I guess I could say the same thing to ya. But this little one will be here by the time I come back."

"It better be," Rebecca exclaimed as Sully leaned in to hug her.

"Take care of yourself," Elizabeth said stepping in to hug Sully as well. The scene warmed Michaela's heart and she moved over to squeeze Rebecca's hand.

Josef was the last one besides Michaela that he hadn't hugged goodbye. He stepped in front of him as Josef embraced him warmly. "These visits are always over too soon."

"I agree," Sully replied as he stepped back. "But next time I'm gonna stay for a whole month."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. You take care of yourself and if you need anything don't hesitate to wire. Tell Daniel we said hello."

"I will," Sully replied smiling warmly.

"All aboard!" the conductor called out, his voice reverberating off the station walls. "All aboard!"

"Guess that's me," Sully said a touch of sadness in his voice.

"You didn't hug Aunt Michaela," Emily pointed out as Sully turned towards the train.

"You're right. I didn't," Sully returned stepping towards her. His hands shook as he embraced her one last time and he tried to make it brief but he found it hard to let go. "See ya in November," Sully said as he finally pulled away.

Michaela didn't dare look at him as her tears were already close to the surface. "See you in November," she echoed him trying her hardest to sound casual about it. Sully moved away towards the train and when she finally looked up he was already boarding. He turned once to wave and then he disappeared inside.

Rebecca looked over at her sister and smiled compassionately as she linked her arm through Michaela's. "Are you okay?" she whispered as the train blew its whistle, hiding their voices.

Michaela nodded. "It never gets any easier," she replied. She felt another hand close around her free hand and she turned to see Marjorie standing beside her.

"He's worth the wait," she whispered giving her sister a brief smile. "Trust me, he's worth the wait."

* * *

_I will update the timeline later tonight which can be found at www. dqmwfanfiction. com_


	79. Chapter 79

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Seventy- nine**

**Boston - June 12, 1853**

Rebecca descended from the carriage, reaching up to take Emily's hand and assist her down. Slowly they made their way to Marjorie's front door as Emily tried hard not to walk on the cracks between the bricks. "Emily, come on," encouraged Rebecca as she stood several paces ahead, holding her hand out for Emily to grab onto.

"Pick me up, mama," the little girl called still carefully picking her way across the walkway.

"You're too big for such silliness and besides you know mama can't carry you right now."

"'Cause of the baby?"

"Yes sweetheart because of the baby."

"That baby needs to come out so you can hold me again," she said as she finally reached the bottom of the steps where Rebecca stood.

"The baby will come out soon," Rebecca assured her as they climbed to the front door. Rebecca knocked and waited while Emily leaned over the wrought iron railing to look at the flower beds. Lucille opened the door to them and bowed her head in her usual manner. "Good morning, Lucille," Rebecca said stepping past her as she pulled Emily inside.

"Good morning m'am," she responded nervously. "Mrs. Marjorie isn't feelin' well this mornin' so I don't know if she is up to company."

"Oh I'm sure it's just a little morning sickness and I know just what to do for her. Is she still in her room?" Lucille nodded casting a nervous glance at the stairs. She had not personally seen Marjorie this morning. It had been Everett that had informed her Marjorie was sick and she had a feeling it was more than just a case of morning sickness. "Emily, come along," Rebecca called as she began to ascend the stairs.

"Yes mama." Obediently, the little girl followed her up the stairs.

The door to Marjorie's room was closed and Rebecca knocked briefly. "Marjorie," she called as she opened the door. Marjorie lay in bed her back towards the door as Rebecca entered. "Marjorie," she said again.

Marjorie turned away from them even more so. "Rebecca, I'm really not up for company - I don't feel well."

"Yes, Lucille told me," Rebecca called back. "I'll have her make you some peppermint tea with a little honey. That always calmed my stomach in the early months."

"Please Rebecca... I just want to be alone." Marjorie's voice was hoarse and Rebecca suspected she had been crying. For a moment, Rebecca stood there wondering what she should do. She understood that there times when people needed to be left alone but she also felt that Marjorie was left alone far too often. She knew that Everett routinely worked late and was frequently gone from the house. Marjorie went out on occasion but was no where near as social as she had been before marriage.

Silently, she moved across the floor and placed her hand on Marjorie's back. "Do you want to talk about it?" Marjorie turned slightly in the bed so that she could see Rebecca better, grateful for her sister's gentle insistence even when she pushed her away. "Sometimes when you're expecting, your emotions can play havoc on you." Rebecca simply assumed Marjorie was experiencing a normal mood swing which she knew all too well.

"It's not that," Marjorie whispered. Emily who had stood silently on the floor where her mother had left her, now crossed to the bed and climbed up. She was in every sense her mother's daughter and hated to see her Aunt so upset. She snuggled down beside her in the bed wrapping her little arms around her aunt's neck. Marjorie relaxed some as she felt the warmth of Emily's touch. This is what love feels like she thought and her own hands went protectively to her stomach. Rebecca smiled down at the scene as she waited for Marjorie to continue. She was very patient in this regard, never pushing too far. After a moment, Marjorie lifted her eyes to meet her sisters. "Everett wants a boy," she said, her voice raw with emotion.

Rebecca chuckled gently. "I think all men want a boy."

"When Anne was born first, how did Robert react?"

"He was thrilled. Don't worry Marjorie - they all talk as if they wouldn't accept a girl and then the minute she's born, they are the apple of their father's eye. Everett will love a daughter as well as a son."

Marjorie did not look convinced in the least. "He only wants a son," she said as her hand came up to stroke the back of Emily's hair.

"Don't be silly, Marjorie. Look at father - he had five girls and he couldn't be happier."

"Is that true?" Marjorie asked. "Hasn't he made Michaela into his son?"

Rebecca wrinkled her forehead. "What do you mean?"

"His expectations for her..." Her voice trailed off as her head dropped listlessly to the side. "I used to be jealous of the way Father treated her but now..."

"She's chosen a difficult path," Rebecca added her forefinger tracing the pattern in the bedclothes.

"She chose? Or it was chosen for her?" Marjorie asked. "Does any woman have a choice?" The tears came again now as she recalled his words of the night before. Everett hadn't laid a hand on her but that didn't matter. He was irrate that William had examined her and even more irrate that he had come to see him. The words that he threw at her had hurt worse than any physical damage he had ever caused and if it hadn't been for the baby, Marjorie would have wished he had simply beat her. To be called a whore, to be accused of sleeping with William, the accusation that she carried another man's child... it was all more than she could bear.

"Marjorie, what's wrong?" Rebecca asked sensing there was something much deeper going on. "Did Everett say something last night to upset you?" Marjorie began to sob in earnest now; unable to form words, she simply nodded her head. Rebecca had never seen her so distraught and she worried that Emily would become upset as well. Emily had sat up but she was not upset in the least, instead she was stroking her aunt's back and singing her a song that Rebecca often sang as a lullaby. She watched in amazement for a minute but then walked to the other side of the bed and lay down beside Marjorie so that she was surrounded on both sides. Bringing her sister's head to rest on her shoulder, she joined her voice with Emily's until Marjorie had calmed.

They lay there for awhile, Emily having moved over to snuggle in between her aunt and mother, enjoying the cuddling now that the crying had stopped. Marjorie looked at Rebecca, really looked at her. Her face was pale and lifeless. "Sometimes words hurt more than anything else," she whispered. Rebecca's heart went out to her but she still missed the deeper meaning of Marjorie's words. She left there that day knowing that Marjorie was unhappy, desperately unhappy in her marriage. Yet it would still be years before the true ugliness was brought to the light.

**

* * *

Boston – June 18, 1853**

Michaela stared out the window of her father's office watching the scene below; her eyes roaming back and forth across the street, though not really seeing anything in particular. She turned once again to look at the clock on the desk, sighing impatiently. Today was the day that Sully should have made it back to Colorado and if he had, that meant there would be a telegram waiting for her at home. Josef was finishing up with a patient and as soon as he was done they would leave the hospital for the day. She rubbed her hands together once more, feeling more impatient by the minute as she turned to stare back out the window.

The door to her father's office had been left slightly ajar so that when she heard the creak of the hinges, she assumed it was her father. Michaela turned quickly with a broad grin on her face, reaching for her coat which was thrown over her father's chair. Yet when her eyes encountered the unwelcome visitor, the smile quickly faded. William stood in the doorway a handkerchief covering his mouth.

"William?"

"Where's Josef?" William asked, walking further into the room.

"With a patient. What happened to your lip?" From this new vantage point, she could see the crimson stain on the white handkerchief.

William turned and shut the door completely before crossing to Michaela. "Can you stitch this?" he asked ignoring her question completely.

Michaela nodded but knit her brow to show her displeasure with his lack of response. Truth be known she already had plenty of reason to be upset with him and he was only adding to it. William moved to sit down on the edge of Josef's desk while she opened the cabinet in the corner to retrieve the needed supplies. William watched her, the stiff taffeta of her dress brushing the floor as she moved through the room. The afternoon light was reflecting off her hair and he found his heart strangely warmed at the sight. When she turned back to face him with the supplies in hand, he could tell she was annoyed with him and it made him smile. Yet as soon as his lips began to curl, he reopened the split in his lip causing him to grimace in pain.

"Stop smirking and it won't hurt," Michaela scolded him as she set a small tray beside him on the desk. William moved the handkerchief to reveal a large split in his bottom lip, the area was inflamed and already swelling. "How did this happen?" she asked dabbing the affected area with a clean cloth. William remained silent watching her as she worked. "Are you planning on telling me?"

"When you're done," he said. Michaela let out a short angry breath and turned to ready the needle and thread. She descended upon William roughly and it wasn't until he winced in pain that Michaela realized exactly how rough she was being. A few minutes later she was done suturing the lip. As Michaela cleaned up, William crossed to the window checking out his reflection in the glass. "Your stitches are so small… almost delicate," he remarked. "Your father said you were good at this and he was right."

The compliment made Michaela blush but within a moment she was over his flattery and remembered her previous annoyance. "Are you stalling me?" she asked.

"Maybe," he replied noncommittally as he refused to turn from the window and face her. He jumped as she slammed the cabinet doors shut. "You aren't going to like what I have to say," he added.

"I already know you went to examine Marjorie. She told me." William turned to face her now. "Why did you even promise to keep that information between us? Did it take you a whole night to decide to break my trust or was your mind made up when I even left your office?" He could hear the venom in her voice and he knew he deserved it.

"Michaela, I had to help her." His voice was calm and gentle as he took a step towards her. "That infection could affect the baby." Michaela closed her lips tightly, her eyes boring into his but she remained silent. "I should never have promised but don't worry I have been punished," he said pointing to his lip.

"Sorry," Michaela replied sheepishly. "I didn't mean to be quite so rough in the beginning."

"Not you," William laughed. "Everett."

"Everett?"

"He wasn't too happy about me examining Marjorie. I went to see him too after I examined her. I wanted to tell him to refrain from relations with her." His cheeks blushed terribly as these words left his mouth and he hastily dropped his head to hide this fact. "He showed up at my office this afternoon…."

"And did that?" she asked looking once more at his swelling lip.

"Something's not right there Michaela," William added, his face contorting in concern.

"I know," Michaela whispered, her own face clouded as well.

The click of the door alerted them to Josef's presence and they both grew quiet as they turned to watch him enter. "Michaela," Josef began but then stopped as he saw William. "William? What are you doing here?"

"I had an accident and Michaela fixed me up." He ran his finger along his bottom lip. Josef moved closer to examine the area.

"What kind of accident?" he asked with a quizzical look on his face.

"Hit with a door," he laughed, casting a nervous glance at Michaela.

"She does good work, doesn't she?" Josef didn't question his explanation at all but stepped towards Michaela to place his arm around her. Michaela dropped her head with a soft sigh which William noticed.

"She does excellent work. She will be an excellent doctor," William replied, his eyes trained on her face.

"I concur," Josef replied. "I concur."

**

* * *

Colorado Springs – July 21, 1853**

Sully knew exactly where he was going when he left the mining camp that morning. He had hitched the wagon, telling Daniel he wouldn't be back until late that evening. It had taken most of the morning to reach his destination but now that he was here it was well worth it. Jumping down from the wagon, he smiled to himself. He grabbed his bag out of the back and headed up the slight rise stopping when he had ascended it. Turning around, he let his eyes soak in the view. The way the sun looked coming off the peak. The way the trees looked blowing in a light summer breeze. The way the grass swayed in a gentle back and forth motion. He took a deep breath letting the air fill his lungs and then he closed his eyes.

Someday he would bring her here. Someday he would show her the place where they were going to live, the place where they would start their family. Someday, he thought to himself. Sully tried to imagine the way Michaela's hair would shine in the sun, the way her cheeks would grow pink in the wind. He could see it- he could see it all and it made him miss her all the more. Dropping to the ground, he opened his bag and pulled out the small stack of letters. He had stopped off in town with the pretense of checking for mail for the mining camp when he was really looking for letters from Michaela. Since he only made it into town once a week, they would pile up and he would usually have several to read.

Now was his chance to read and savor each one away from the men of the mining camp and away from Daniel who always wanted to know how Michaela was. Since they had returned to Colorado Springs, Daniel had asked Sully to help him learn to read and write. Sully had a sneaking suspicion that this all had to do with Michaela but he agreed nonetheless. Daniel didn't talk about her much besides asking about her letters and Sully didn't volunteer any additional information. Part of him felt bad for not telling Daniel straight out about him and Michaela while another part of him reasoned that Daniel would soon get over her.

He untied the twine that kept the letters bundled together and he picked up the first one, setting the rest back in his bag for the time being. As if opening a present, he carefully pulled at the envelope savoring each second of the process. Soon he held the sheet of paper in his hand that contained Michaela's sloping letters and he smiled to himself as he read.

_My dearest Sully,_

_I couldn't sleep last night because of the terrible heat and as I lay in bed I thought I heard your voice, your footstep in the hall. Rationally I knew you weren't there but I still felt compelled to get up and check. The hall was empty, completely deserted except for moonbeams that crept across the hardwoods leaving an eerie feel to the house. I turned to go back to my own room but then thought better of it. Instead I found myself in your old room, splayed out on your bed – the one you haven't slept on in ages but still it's yours. I remembered the night that I fell asleep with you in that bed, not long after you had come to live with us. Do you remember that night? How mother found us the next morning and was so angry with us? It seemed so real and vivid to me as if I was reliving that moment. I remembered how even then you tried to protect me from her. How you told her to leave me alone. _

_We didn't know then. We didn't know that we would be together now. We didn't know that our destinies lay entwined together or did we? When did you know Sully? What was the moment that you were sure that you could not live without me? I have tried hard to remember when I first knew – when I first was sure. And every time that I think I can answer that question, I remember an earlier time when I knew or at least guessed. _

_Have you always haunted my dreams like you do now? I know you couldn't possibly have before I met you but I can't imagine a time when you didn't. Did my heart always call out for you like it does now? How could it when we were only children, yet I can't seem to remember a time when it didn't. What stars had to line up, what planets collide for fate to accomplish what it did so long ago? _

_For now I remember the first time I knew that I belonged with you. It was a gray cloudy day – probably the cloudiest day of your young life. I didn't know the boy who looked wet and cold would move me as he did. I only wanted to help but I really do think that even then some part of me knew. Some part of me guessed. Some part of me recognized that my counterpart had been found. _

_I wonder if you will think me silly and sentimental for these words, for these thoughts. If you do I would understand. I simply wanted to remind you that I love you desperately and miss you terribly. Hope all is well._

_Love always,_

_Michaela_

Sully wiped the tears from his cheek and looked up from the letter at the beautiful scenery that surrounded him. Suddenly the other letters were forgotten. This one needed to be answered and it needed to be answered now.

**

* * *

Boston – August 15, 1853**

_My dearest Michaela,_

_I sit right now on the land that will one day be our home. Do you know what an incredible feeling that is? I wish you were here at my side. I can see us on our front porch. There is a swing like at Anna's and we are staring at each other. When I first see us, we are young newlyweds and the love between us is obvious to anyone. And then we are slightly older and you are rocking a baby – our baby. It is a boy and our daughter sits on my lap. Then we are even older and we are no longer on the swing but watching as the children swing on the swing – all four of them laughing and teasing each other. When I blink again, we are old- wrinkled and gray. But that same love is still there. It has never faded._

_I knew that day at the hospital. I knew something anyway. That was why I had a hard time looking at you. You were a stranger but I felt as if I had known you my whole life. I think my heart came to life that day and so I understand your words. I don't find them silly or sentimental but only beautiful. I sometimes feel that if I was to be separated from you permanently that the heart you brought life to might die. I don't think it knows how to beat without you. And I want you to know that I love you terribly and I miss you desperately._

_Love always,_

_Sully_

Michaela gripped the letter to her chest and breathed in deeply, amazed at how Sully moved her. He understood her in a way that no one else had before or had even tried to understand her. To Michaela that made all the difference in the world. Three months she thought to herself. How would she ever make it three more months without seeing him?

**

* * *

Boston – November 20, 1853**

Sully stepped down onto the platform his eyes scanning the crowd for a familiar face, hoping to see Michaela by herself. The thought of long chestnut hair flowing free over her shoulders, of beautiful mismatched eyes ravishing his face, of her soft kisses – these were the things that filled his thoughts ever since he first boarded the stage coach in Colorado. It had been almost six months since he had last seen her face to face but as usual the letters between the two of them had been unceasing affirmations of their feelings for each other. This time apart had deepened their relationship more than ever before which Sully fully believed had to do with the breech they had experienced that day at the library. Things had been mended long before he left Boston but if the growth and openness they had experienced since then was the result, he was glad that they had fought.

He began to move through the crowd a little perplexed as to why he hadn't seen her yet. It was then that he saw Emily running straight towards him, paying no heed to anyone in her path. Sully moved quickly, sweeping her up in his arms. "Sully," she screamed hugging him tightly. "You're back."

"I am," Sully replied his eyes searching the direction she had originated from. There he saw Rebecca smiling and waving at him but still no sign of Michaela. "Where's Aunt Michaela?" he asked Emily as he began to walk towards Rebecca.

Emily wrinkled her nose up. "In bed," she answered nonchalantly. Sully furrowed his brow as he considered her comment. From her recent letters, he knew she was as anxious to see him as he was to see her. If she wasn't there to meet him, something must be wrong. Quickening his pace, he covered the distance between himself and Rebecca hastily.

"Rebecca," he said leaning in to greet her.

Rebecca smiled gently, seeing the worry on his face. "She's sick- that's the only reason she isn't here."

"Sick?" Sully asked none of his fears relieved by her statement.

"It's simply a bad cold but she's not well enough to leave the house yet." Rebecca laughed and held out her arms for Emily who refused to go to her.

"It's okay, "Sully assured her as they began to walk towards the waiting carriage.

"It's killing her that she can't be here right now to meet you. When I went over this morning, she had actually dressed as if she could come. She's still running a fever and she seemed practically delirious, insisting that she felt fine."

"Ya think the fever caused that?" Sully asked teasingly. Rebecca wrinkled her nose up at him. "She's always that insistent." They both laughed while Emily glanced from one to the other, wondering what was so funny. Sully lifted Emily into the carriage first and then held out his hand for Rebecca to take as he helped her in as well. "Where's the baby?" he asked as he climbed in behind her.

"Martha's watching him while I came to meet you."

"I can't wait to see 'im."

Emily turned her nose up as she looked over at Sully. "He cries a lot," she said wrinkling her little face up. "He hurts my ears."

"I thought that's what babies were supposed to do," Sully replied lifting a hand to gently tousle her hair. Emily shook her head and then climbed into his lap. "I bet ya cried a lot when ya were a baby too."

"Yes, you did," Rebecca agreed smiling over at the two of them.

"Jacob can't play," she informed Sully as she curled up against his chest.

"That's cause he's just little. When he's older, he'll be able to play with ya," Sully assured her. He smiled at over at Rebecca as he spoke.

"We are still having trouble adjusting to not being the baby anymore," she informed Sully.

"Do ya ever get to help your ma take care of Jacob?" Sully asked.

Emily looked up at him shyly and smiled. "He's got a funny pee pee," she chuckled.

"What?" Sully asked looking from Emily to Rebecca for clarification.

"Oh dear." Rebecca shook her head as she began to turn bright red.

Emily leaned in close to Sully. "He's got a boy pee-pee," she announced again this time quieter than before.

"That's her word for her private area," Rebecca said, her eyes still not meeting Sully's. She looked up but only to get Emily's attention. "And she has been told not to talk about that in public." Rebecca's face was stern and Emily buried her head against Sully's shoulder once more. "I'm sorry," Rebecca apologized.

"It's fine," Sully assured her thinking that the whole situation was rather humorous. They rode the rest of the way to Beacon Hill in relative silence, Emily refusing to raise her head until they had reached the Quinn house. They quickly descended from the carriage and made their way into the house.

"She might be sleeping Sully but I know Michaela is anxious to see you." Sully smiled gratefully at Rebecca. "And don't worry mother is out for the afternoon." That was all he needed to hear before he bounded up the stairs towards her bedroom.

1Sully knocked softly on the door in case she was sleeping. There was no answer but now he stood there unsure of what to do. He didn't want to disturb her but the need to see her was overwhelming. To be standing right outside of her door, to know she was only feet away from him was too tempting. Placing his hand upon the knob, he slowly turned it as he pushed gently on the door. Quietly, he crept into the room and over to the side of her bed. She was bundled under several blankets with only her face visible. Her hair surrounded her head making the paleness of her face even more obvious. Sully couldn't resist reaching out to lightly stroke her cheek, feeling the burning heat of her fever against his fingertips.

Her eyes flickered open unexpectedly. "Sully?" she asked weakly, looking up into his face.

"Sorry," he grinned sheepishly. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm glad you did," she whispered trying to sit up.

"No, Michaela you need your rest." He placed a hand against her shoulder and pushed her gently back down as he took a seat on edge of her bed. Looking back at her face, he noticed tears threatened to fall from her eyes. "What is it?"

The first tear fell now as she sniffled loudly. "This isn't turning out as I had planned," she managed to choke out. "I wanted to meet you at the station," she began to cry a little harder now as she looked up at Sully once more. "I wanted.." her voice drifted off here not from crying but from a slight embarrassment. She meant to say she wanted another carriage ride like the one that was burned deep in her memory from the beginning of the year. Sully reached for her hand that lay now on top of the blanket and raising it to his mouth he placed a kiss to her knuckles.

"I'm here for over a month, Michaela. We'll have time once you're well." She nodded weakly wiping her tears on the sleeve of her nightgown. "How are you feelin'?" he asked interlacing his fingers through hers.

"Tired," she said. "And worried, final exams are in a few weeks."

Sully nodded. "Good thing I'm here to help ya study," he joked. Michaela let out a light giggle, thankful for his playful demeanor. He let go of her hand setting it back on the blanket but he continued to run his thumb over her knuckles. "I better let ya get some sleep."

"No," Michaela protested as he started to rise. "Would you read to me for a little while?" She looked so helpless and innocent lying there, so much like a little girl Sully thought. He couldn't resist leaning down and placing a light kiss to her lips.

"Sully you're going to get sick," she scolded him, though secretly she was glad for his action. Her lips had tingled when his had briefly touched hers and the tingles now seemed to resonate through her entire person.

"So what am I readin'?" he asked noticing the book on her bedside table. "Wuthering Heights?"

"Rebecca brought it over for me." She smiled up at him shyly. "Do you know what it's about?" Sully shook his head as he rose from the bed to bring her vanity chair. He knew if Elizabeth was to arrive home, she wouldn't look too kindly on him sitting on Michaela's bed.

"Ya gonna tell me," he said returning to her side.

Michaela smiled shyly. "Heathcliff is an orphan and Catherine's father takes him in. They fall in love but they don't end up together from what I gather so far."

Sully regarded her, a look of disbelief on his face. "Really?"

"Really," Michaela affirmed.

"And they don't end up together?" Michaela shook her head, her lips breaking into a wide smile. "I'll have to speak to Rebecca about givin' ya books that put bad ideas in your head." Michaela yawned and settled deeper under the covers as Sully began to read.

**

* * *

Boston – November 27, 1853**

The week since Sully's arrival had flown by and Michaela who had been very sick when he first arrived, seemed to recover quickly with him in the house. Her father attributed it to his strict prescription of rest and a new tonic he was trying for chest colds. Michaela didn't bother to tell him that she barely napped at all during the day with Sully there to keep her company. Though he often encouraged her to sleep, she found it difficult with him sitting so close. Thanksgiving had come and gone without much advent while Michaela continued to convalesce. Marjorie was close to her due date and had come to stay at the Quinn house while Everett was out of town on business. Michaela and Rebecca both had noticed a remarkable change in Marjorie once Everett was out of the picture and though neither mentioned it even to each other, they both began to fear for Marjorie's marriage.

On this particular evening, Josef and Elizabeth were out for the night at a party. Marjorie was supposed to be resting in her room after experiencing what her father had called false labor pains earlier in the day. Michaela who had been invited to attend the party with her parents had opted to stay home and study for finals. Sully stayed with her, preferring helping her study to the thought of attending a party without her.

The evening had been wet and cold. Winter already seemed to have its grip on Boston as a bitter wind blew at the windowpane, making both Michaela and Sully glad for the roaring fire. They sat on the hearth in Josef's library, sharing heated looks as Sully fired off questions at Michaela. The night had been full of teasing, gentle kisses and touches but so far both had managed to control themselves. Michaela was glad finals were still two weeks away as she was finding it harder and harder to concentrate as the night wore on.

"I think it's time for a break," Sully interjected laying the book down on the floor by the fire.

"We just took a break," Michaela protested.

"An hour ago!"

"Sully this is important. I need to do my best on all my school work or no one is ever going to take me serious when I apply for medical college." Sully's eyes were focused on her but she knew he was hearing very little of what she was saying. His tongue slipped out to moisten his lips making her swallow hard. A light blush settled across her cheeks as she picked the book back up. "Maybe I better go."

Sully seemed to rouse then. "No," he said putting a hand on her shoulder to hold her in place. "Just a ten minute break and then right back to studyin'. Look here's my watch. We'll set it right here so we can check it." He set the watch down between them but continued to advance toward Michaela. "You're amazin'," he whispered stopping just shy of her lips.

"How's that?"

He brought his hand up to stroke the side of her face. "The way ya soak in all this information. Your mind works so quickly." If anything the blush on Michaela's cheeks grew even brighter. Sully looked down at her lips turning his head slightly, still not moving any closer.

"Are we going to remain like this for the whole break?" Michaela asked suddenly very aware of how warm the room had grown. Sully raised his eyebrows at her as one corner of his mouth curled up in a devilish grin. Slowly he moved closer as their lips met in a gentle kiss. Michaela began to pull back but Sully continued to push into her, unable to resist the way he had been feeling all night. "Sully, my parents will be home soon," she whispered in warning. Yet as she felt his lips close over hers, all thoughts of them left her. His teeth gently nipped at her bottom lip, as they slowly descended to the floor. The door of the library suddenly opened and they hastily broke apart, both breathless from the encounter.

"How in the world the two of you manage to keep your relationship a secret is beyond me?" Marjorie said as she flounced into the room. "I could have been mother or father.. anybody really."

"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Michaela asked casting her a nasty glance.

"Aren't you supposed to be studying?" Marjorie replied, some of her old fire having returned.

"We are studying."

"I thought you took anatomy last semester," Marjorie remarked.

"Very funny," Michaela replied. "Did you need something or are you the appointed moral conscience of the household tonight?"

Marjorie gripped her abdomen just as Michaela finished speaking. Her face contorted in pain as she stumbled slightly forward. "Contraction," she said through clenched teeth. Sully quickly rose and helped her over to a chair.

"Are you sure Marjorie?" Michaela asked. "This isn't more false labor?"

Marjorie didn't answer until the contraction had passed. "I don't think so," she said slowly shaking her head.

**

* * *

Colorado Springs, 1865**

"Please get Sully," Charlotte whispered, her voice strained with emotion.

"Charlotte, please rest. There will be time to talk to Sully later."

"Please Michaela. There's something I need to tell him. I have to see him….. alone."

Michaela rose reluctantly and headed for the door. She turned once more to look at Charlotte, only to see the staunch determination on her face. Descending the stairs, two at a time she made her way to the clinic door where most of the town had gathered. All eyes turned to her as she opened the door but the only people she noticed were the children. Brian clung to his sister's waist while Matthew stood behind them both, his hand on Colleen's shoulder.

"Is she gonna be okay, Dr. Mike?" Brian asked as his eyes met hers.

"I don't know yet Brian," she whispered wanting to tell him that his mother would be fine but knowing that wasn't possible. "She wants to see Sully."

"Me?" Sully asked looking up at Michaela with a look of surprise.

"Alone," she added and moved to the side of the door so that Sully could step through. Sully bowed his head and headed into the clinic. He moved methodically up the stairs, his mind wondering what Charlotte wanted to tell him. The door to her room was open and he wasted no time in crossing to the bed. Her eyes were shut but they opened as he came close.

"Sully?"

"I'm here Charlotte. What is it?"

"Sully there's something I have to tell ya. Something I should have told ya long ago." This only confused Sully more and he leaned in close to listen to her strained voice. "It's about the day that Abigail went into labor."

* * *

_Hey everyone! Sorry about the lack of updates this week but between midterms and other responsibilities life was hectic. It's now fall break for me and I will be gone for a few days but I should be back mid-week…. Hope you all enjoyed! _


	80. Chapter 80

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty**

**Boston – November 27, 1853**

Michaela kneeled down beside Marjorie. "How do you feel now?"

"Fine, it's passed," she said already pushing up on the arms of the chair. Her face was red with the exertion and last few minutes of pain.

"I'll have Harrison ready the carriage," Sully said heading for the door.

"No," Michaela interjected. "Mother and Father have it, remember?"

"Right. Well I'll go see if I can hire one."

"At this time of night?" Marjorie asked as she finally succeeded in standing.. "Don't worry about it. Mother and Father are certain to be home soon. Father says first babies usually take forever so I'm sure we have plenty of time. Oh!" Marjorie's face contorted into a strange expression.

"What is it?" Michaela asked.

"I'm not sure exactly. I felt something sort of pop and now everything is wet." She looked down at the floor slightly embarrassed to be seen like this with Sully present.

"Your water has broken?" Michaela asked her eyes growing large. "Okay… umm… you need to sit back down… no lay down…"

Sully looked over at her and could tell that Michaela was starting to go into manic mode. He knew this was the last thing either of them needed right now. "Why don't we take her upstairs to bed," Sully suggested stepping closer to Michaela. She nodded fervently and then turned to take Marjorie's arm. Sully took the other and together they started to pull her towards the door.

"I can walk," Marjorie protested pulling away from both of them. Just then another contraction hit and she slumped over gripping her abdomen. Sully stood behind her trying to support her while Michaela calmly talked her through the pain. He heard her whispered words and smiled. It was as if she was born to do this sort of thing and watching her in action only served to confirm it. As the pain passed, Sully felt Marjorie relax. "Okay, maybe I do need a little help," she joked letting them each take an arm for support. Slowly they made their way up the stairs and headed for Michaela's room simply because it was the closest. Sully left while Michaela helped Marjorie off with her wet things. After changing into one of Michaela's light cotton nightgowns, she climbed into bed and lay back against the pillows, anxiously awaiting the next contraction. Michaela stepped out into the hall for a moment and right into Sully's waiting arms.

"She okay?"

Michaela nodded. "For now. I hope father gets here soon though."

"Why? You've delivered a baby before."

"Sully, I simply assisted. And I had Ida there to walk me through the process." She leaned her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Do ya feel up to it?" Sully asked, knowing that her physical stamina had been lower since she had been ill.

"I don't know," she answered. "I mean physically I feel okay but … I'm not sure…" Her voice trailed off as Sully began to stroke her arm.

"Josef will probably be home soon. But even if he isn't - ya can do this, Michaela. I know ya can."

She looked up at him and smiled weakly. "You have such faith in me." Just then Marjorie's cry pierced the air and Michaela pulled away quickly. "I better stay with her."

"Sure. If ya need anything, just let me know. I'm gonna wait downstairs for Josef." Michaela only had a chance to nod briefly before she disappeared into her bedroom. Sully sighed and walked to the edge of the stairs, hoping that all would go smoothly and that Michaela really was up to this physically. Slowly he wandered down the stairs as Marjorie's cries faded. He seated himself on the bottom step to start the long process of waiting.

Upstairs the waiting looked much different. Michaela was truly surprised at how fast her sister's labor seemed to be progressing. The contractions were coming close together and after a few protests by Marjorie she had let Michaela examine her, only serving to confirm Michaela's suspicions that Marjorie's labor was very advanced.

"Michaela," Majorie whispered as she lay quietly between contractions. Michaela moved up beside her sister, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I can't do this." Tears were beginning to fill her eyes.

"Yes, you can," Michaela encouraged her. "You're already doing it."

"But father said it could take a whole day. I can't take this pain for that long."

Michaela almost laughed as Marjorie spoke but held it in. Her sister didn't realize how fast her labor was progressing. "Marjorie, you won't have to wait a whole day. This baby is going to come very soon. I would say within the next hour or two."

"But father said…"

"I know what he said but I just examined you. Trust me the baby is coming."

"Who is going to deliver it?" Marjorie asked a fearful look crossing her face.

"Hopefully father will be here before that time comes," Michaela answered, trying to remember what position Ida had recommended to slow down labor.

"If he's not?" Marjorie asked already thinking up the worst case scenarios in her head.

"Then, I'll deliver the baby." Michaela's voice was calm and even, not revealing her own self doubts.

"You? But you aren't a doctor."

Michaela did laugh this time. "Most women don't have doctors deliver their babies, Marjorie. I've delivered two babies myself." Marjorie looked at her sister incredulously. "Ida is a midwife and I helped her with one birth and she walked me through the second one." Marjorie opened her mouth to say something else but Michaela interrupted her. "I think you should lie on your side if you can. It will help slow down your labor while we wait for father."

Marjorie started to turn but another pain gripped her and she cried out, grabbing Michaela's hand and squeezing it hard. "It hurts," she grunted through her teeth, her breath coming in ragged pants.

"And you're hurting me," Michaela exclaimed trying desperately to free her fingers from her sister.

* * *

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of the house and Elizabeth collected her evening bag while waiting for the driver to open the door. The night air was brisk and she pulled her wrap tightly around her as she descended from the carriage. Looking up at the house, she wondered why there were so many lights on. Michaela should certainly be in bed since she was technically still recovering. Marjorie had been put to bed by Josef before they had even left for the night. And Sully was supposed to have returned to the cottage at Marjorie's house. The thought that Michaela and Sully were still up, all alone, plagued her and she quickly ascended the stairs ready to give them a piece of her mind. 

With her new found fire she threw the front door open, only to be greeted by the sight of Sully seated on the bottom stair. He rose immediately looking over her shoulder just before she closed the door. "Sully?" she asked, wondering what was going on. A scream pierced the air. "What was that?"

"Where's Josef?" Sully asked perplexed as to why he wasn't with Elizabeth.

"He had to go to the hospital and check on a patient before coming home. I didn't feel like waiting so I came on home without him. But what is that racket?"

"Marjorie has gone into labor," Sully explained watching Elizabeth's mouth drop open.

"Who's with her?"

"Michaela," Sully answered. Elizabeth pushed past him, taking the stairs two at a time. She followed the sounds to Michaela's room and quickly opened the door. Sully had followed her up but he remained outside, hoping to receive some sort of status report on what was happening.

Michaela looked up at her mother as she entered and immediately asked the same question Sully had. "Where's father?"

"At the hospital," Elizabeth replied. "Is Marjorie really in labor?"

"No, mother I'm just screaming for the hell of it," Marjorie returned as another labor pain ripped through her body.

"Marjorie," Elizabeth scolded. "Ladies don't use such language."

"Get her out of here," Marjorie said through clenched teeth. "Oh Michaela, just get her out of this room."

Michaela looked over at Elizabeth pleadingly. "I'm not leaving. There is only one person in this house who has experience with labor and it's me."

The contraction had finally subsided and Marjorie closed her eyes letting her breathing return to normal. "That's not true mother. Michaela has delivered two babies and she is going to deliver this one by herself." These last words were emphasized for effect.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak, shock written all over her face but Michaela interrupted her. "Mother I need some things – something to tie off the umbilical cord with, some more towels… if you could get me those items it would be helpful." Elizabeth nodded reluctantly but turned towards the door anyway. She would leave for now but once she had retrieved the items she would insist on staying.

Marjorie rolled back over onto her back with some difficulty. "What are you doing?" Michaela asked hastily.

"There is no sense in slowing down my delivery. I want you to deliver this baby," Marjorie was looking straight at Michaela, her eyes boring into her sister's.

"But…" Michaela started to protest.

"I feel like I need to push," Marjorie informed her. "This baby isn't going to wait."

"I'll need to turn you in the bed so that I can get to the baby better," Michaela said.

"Let's do it now before any more contractions hit." Michaela nodded and helped Marjorie shift around. She moved the pillows around behind her and had her lay crossways on the bed so that she could bring Marjorie's bottom closer to the edge of the mattress. Michaela scooted her vanity chair over and helped Marjorie position her feet to push.

Just then Elizabeth returned with the items and walked in to see Michaela situated between Marjorie's knees. "Dear God," she exclaimed. "You really are planning on delivering this child."

Michaela turned in the chair and took the supplies from her hands. "Thanks mother," she said ignoring Elizabeth's comments completely.

Elizabeth walked on around to the end of the bed so that she could see Marjorie better. "You can stay but only if you don't interfere," Marjorie said, her own feelings having calmed some now that she was between contractions. Elizabeth nodded and hoisted herself up onto the bed leaning over to stroke Marjorie's hair. Marjorie closed her eyes and tried to relax but the sudden pain in her back was more intense than earlier. "It hurts," she whimpered.

"I know it does," Elizabeth cooed. "But it will all be over soon and when you hold that little baby…. you'll think it was all worth it."

Michaela had a hand on Marjorie's abdomen and she felt the muscles tighten even before she heard Marjorie cry out. "Push," she shouted at her sister. "Push through the contraction." As the words left Michaela's mouth, she could already see the baby's head crowning and she swallowed hard. All the fear and doubts of the last two hours seemed to return double fold right now but she screwed up her courage and pushed through. She would deliver this baby and everything would be fine. She felt the muscles relax and Michaela knew the contraction was ending. "That was good Marjorie. The next contraction should come fairly quickly and I need you to push hard." Michaela knew they only had a limited time once the baby had started to crown to deliver and she was determined the baby would come on the next contraction.

Almost immediately Marjorie cried out again as she grabbed onto Elizabeth's hand. Michaela placed the heel of her hand gently against the baby's head and prepared herself to receive the infant as it was delivered. Marjorie bore down hard, grunting loudly as she did. Michaela watched as the perineum tore but she wasn't sure what to do to prevent it. Marjorie cried out again but Michaela's sole interest was on the baby who was finally moving. The head came out quickly and then Michaela helped deliver one shoulder and then the next. After that the baby came quickly and it was only moments before Michaela was wrapping it in a towel and massaging her tiny back as she started to cry.

Marjorie raised her head and looked down. Tears now streaming down her face as she tried to get a peek at the baby. "What is it?" she asked nervously, thoughts of Everett flashing through her mind.

"A little girl," Michaela declared happily. "A little girl with lots of red hair like her mama." All thoughts of Everett were wiped from Marjorie's mind as Michaela placed the baby on her stomach so that she could see for herself. "I still need to cut the cord," she said reaching for the twine her mother had brought up.

Just then the bedroom door opened and Josef entered briskly. "Sully told me…" He stopped his mouth dropping open at the scene before him. "The baby.. it's here?" Michaela wasn't sure if Josef was asking or simply in disbelief. She rose and went to him, wiping her hands on a clean towel. "Who delivered it?"

"I did," Michaela replied stepping in front of her father so as to speak to him privately. "The labor was so fast… she tore…" Michaela's voice was low but Josef heard every word she said and it seemed to snap him into action. He moved around her and settled on the chair to assess the situation.

"Not too bad," he said already opening the black medical bag he had entered the room with. "This is common when the baby comes so quickly." He handed clamps to Michaela and she secured them on the umbilical cord before reaching down to take the scissors from him as well. Once the cord was cut she moved the baby into Marjorie's arms. Marjorie was overjoyed and began to cover the tiny face with kisses, momentarily ignoring the wails of her child and the mess that still clung to her. Elizabeth helped her place the child to her breast and soon the baby had settled as it took to nursing for the first time.

Josef turned to look at Michaela. "Excellent job delivering your first baby," he said proudly. No one bothered to correct him, each too absorbed in the scene before them. "Michaela I think you should go wash up and rest though. This is an awful lot of physical exertion for one who has been as ill as you have."

"Father I'm fine," she protested but then remembering that Sully was still outside not knowing what had happened she changed her mind. "Perhaps I should go rest," she said. Josef nodded at her approvingly. "Congratulations, Marjorie," she said leaning in to get another glimpse of her niece.

"Thank you, Michaela." The look on Marjorie's face spoke more than her words though and she smiled widely at her as she backed away. Michaela turned and went to her dresser to take out a fresh nightgown, realizing she would need to sleep elsewhere tonight. Then she opened the door and disappeared into the hall.

Sully stood just outside leaning back against the top railing anxiously waiting for the door to open. "Did I hear a baby cry?" he asked stepping towards her.

"Umm-hmm," Michaela smiled. "A little girl."

"I knew ya could do it," Sully said smiling just as proudly as Josef had moments before. He stepped closer to hug her but Michaela stopped him.

"I'm a mess," she explained. "Let me get cleaned up first." She turned and headed down the hall to Sully's old room. "Just give me one minute," she said cheerfully as she stepped inside. Sully had nodded and moved to the side still beaming with pride.

Michaela opened the door when she had finished changing and Sully slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him. "I knew you could do it," he said again smiling at her as she crossed to sit down on the edge of the bed.

"It was amazing Sully. I was so scared but it was as if instinct simply took over."

"See I told ya - you're meant to be a doctor." Michaela smiled as she tried to stifle a yawn. "You better get on into bed," Sully chided. "Don't try to pretend you aren't tired."

"Don't go," she whispered looking up at him. "Not yet anyway."

"Sure," Sully agreed moving closer to the bed. Michaela moved back against the pillows as he sat down on the edge facing her. Their eyes locked and Michaela suddenly felt embarrassed to be in her nightgown with him so close. She dropped her eyes to the bedclothes as she began to trace the pattern with her pointer finger. "Is Marjorie alright?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered trying not to think about how close Sully sat to her. "She was so happy Sully. All that pain… it really is worth it in the end." She looked up at him again and smiled. "You may have to remind me of that one day," she teased.

Sully smiled feeling inexplicitly drawn to her in that moment. He knew rationally that her father and mother were only in the next room but as if he couldn't stop himself, he descended slowly upon her lips. Michaela put up her hand to stop him, laying her fingers gently across his lips. "We can't," she breathed out unwilling to move her fingers away. Sully stopped but continued to stare into her eyes trying to read what emotion was written there. Michaela began to trace the contours of his lips, her fingertips tickling the delicate skin. It was only then that Sully recognized the same longing in her that he was feeling.

Bringing his hand up, he stilled her fingers against his lips placing light kisses to her fingertips. He began to move her hand until his lips settled in between her thumb and pointer finger. Michaela felt him kiss her skin and then gently draw it into his mouth only to nip at it with his teeth. The feel of his tongue running up the inside of her thumb was incredible and she pushed back into the pillows never losing eye contact with Sully. Taking control of the situation for a moment, she let her thumb run over his lips caressing the flesh there until Sully once again captured it in his mouth – the sensation of his tongue and teeth against it sending chills throughout her body.

The sound of the door opening caused Michaela to hastily pull her hand away as she dropped her eyes to the bed afraid of what someone might see there if they looked. Sully scooted back an appropriate distance on the bed, his own breath was quickened and his lips still pulsated from Michaela's touch. Josef entered and smiled, thinking nothing of the scene before him. "Thanks for making her get into bed Sully," he remarked crossing towards them. He looked down at Michaela and laid a hand against her cheek. "You feel a little warm and your cheeks are all flushed. I certainly hope you haven't overexerted yourself tonight."

Sully pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. He knew that both her color and temperature had little to do with being sick. Michaela raised her head a little to see the amusement dancing across his face. She couldn't help but smile. "Even if I have, father, someone had to deliver that baby."

"Yes, yes I know. And may I compliment you on a fine job. You must have been frightened but Elizabeth said you remained calm and…"

"I've delivered a baby before," Michaela interjected as she cut her father off.

Josef looked shocked. "You have?" he asked wondering why his daughter had never told him before.

Michaela nodded. "Ida let me go with her to a couple of births. On the first one I only assisted but the second one, I did quite a lot. The baby was delivered breech."

Josef's mouth dropped open. "Breech? Oh my… why didn't you tell me?" He wasn't quite sure whether to be impressed with what Michaela was saying or a little upset that she had never shared before.

Michaela looked up at him, trying to get a read on what he was thinking. "I don't know," she admitted. "It just never came up." This was at least partially true but Michaela knew that she had purposefully kept it from him at the same time. It was her private accomplishment that she held close to her heart, closer than anyone could have guessed. Her time in Maryland was a very private thing that she refused to share with those she considered outsiders because she didn't think they could ever understand just how special, how wonderful her time and experiences there were. The memories of endless summers spent there were like precious jewels to her and she couldn't bear to share them with someone who wouldn't see them the same way.

Josef didn't press her but it did make him think. The daughter he believed was like an open book had kept a secret from him. Was it possible she was keeping secrets about other things? Immediately his mind flew to William and he thought about the numerous times he had caught them whispering in some corner of the hospital. Already he had been suspicious but now he was even more so. "Well never mind," Josef said gently patting her hand that lay on top of the bedclothes. "You did an excellent job. I am very proud of you."

"Thank you," Michaela replied dropping her eyes once more as a light blush settled on her cheeks.

"We'll leave you now. I believe a good night's sleep is in order." Josef smiled as Sully rose from his place on the bed. He stood behind Josef and as soon as Michaela looked up he mouthed the words "I love you."

Michaela smiled broadly and gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head as if to say "I love you too." "Good night," she said as they both started towards the door.

"Good night, sweetheart," Josef called back to her.

"Night," Sully said his eyes still hungrily roving over her face until he had completely disappeared from view. Michaela turned down the lamp and settled back against the pillow, her mind quickly going back to what had happened earlier. A smile spread over her lips. "I love you," she whispered into the dark room, her heart speeding up at the thought of him.

* * *

Outside in the hall, Josef's mind was still working on this recent revelation from his daughter. "Sully would you mind coming down to my library and talking to me for a bit. I have something I want to ask you." 

"Sure," Sully said as he began to follow Josef down the stairs his own curiosity growing with each step.

Josef didn't speak again though until they were safely tucked away in the library. Sully settled himself in a chair before the dying fire and Josef sat across from him. "This is a delicate subject… I'm not quite sure where to begin." These words piqued Sully's interest and he turned in the chair some so that he faced Josef directly. "Michaela has a very bright future in front of her and I don't want anything to get in the way of it."

Sully swallowed hard, wondering what was coming next. "Ya mean medical school?" he asked when Josef didn't speak right away.

"That is precisely what I mean." Again he grew silent, folding his hands across his lap his eyes riveted to the embers of the fire. Sully waited sensing Josef wanted to say more but that he was very carefully formulating his words in his head. "I know the two of you are close. I don't want you to think that what I am about to ask is prying. You don't have to tell me anything." Josef looked up at Sully now, his gaze was intense. "Is Michaela interested in William?"

"William Burke?" Sully asked as he knit his brow in confusion. Josef nodded. "No," Sully said almost a little too adamantly but the older gentleman didn't seem to notice. "No, she isn't interested in William."

"I only ask because I've seen them together a few times. They stand sort of close and they always appear to be whispering."

"I'm not sure what that is about," Sully lied. He knew full well it had to do with Marjorie. "But I can say without a doubt that Michaela is in no way interested in William Burke." He swallowed hard against the emotion that suddenly seemed to be rising in his throat. The thought of telling Josef everything about him and Michaela overwhelmed him and he found it hard to remain quiet. "But I am sure someone is going to take an interest in her someday," he said quietly.

"I suppose," Josef agreed reluctantly. "I really didn't think Mike was interested in marriage and those sorts of pursuits though."

"She is a girl," Sully defended. "Why wouldn't she be interested in that sort of thing?" Josef didn't answer him but had turned his head back to look into the dying flames. "If she was to wait until after medical school to marry, you wouldn't have a problem with that would ya?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure I really have given the matter much thought." It was now Josef who was lying- he had thought long and hard about this. "Just seems unlikely that she would find a husband who would accept her desire to be a doctor."

"If he really loved her, he would," Sully whispered wishing Josef would look at him, would see the love on his face.

Yet Josef did not look up but simply began to brood even more. "Things are never as simple as that," he declared rather passionately. "At first it might work but then the babies would come. No one in Boston society would tolerate a mother who chose to work instead of be with her children."

"That doesn't make any sense," Sully protested. "They have servants who watch the children all the time so that they can go off to garden clubs and tea parties. Doctorin' is more important than any of that."

"Do you really think they would see it that way?"

"Probably not," Sully agreed dropping his head as he said it. Yet even as he began to feel defeated he saw the perfect opportunity emerge. "If they wouldn't accept her here, she could go somewhere else," he said his voice stronger than he thought possible.

Josef gave a short laugh. "I was going to take her into my practice – to leave it to her someday. I don't know if anyone else would be willing to do that."

"She could start her own practice," Sully continued.

"And who would be her patient? She'll be a terrific doctor but a woman doctor is simply unheard of."

"If she was the only option…" Sully's voice trailed off as Josef looked over at him. "There are places out west… towns… that don't have a doctor at all. If she was the only option," he repeated again.

"I suppose," Josef said wrinkling his forehead. "But still there would be babies. I just don't see how she will nurse a child and be a doctor."

Sully looked away so that Josef wouldn't see the emotion on his face. This must be what Michaela felt like every time she tried to talk to him about the future. It wasn't a good feeling and it left Sully emotionally drained. "Kind of tired," he muttered. "Think I'll head back to Marjorie's." He rose and crossed to the door wanting to leave this place as soon as possible.

"You should stay here," Josef offered. "It is rather late."

"Thanks but I'll be fine," Sully replied already planning on walking the distance to Back Bay. He needed time to think, to clear his head. "Night," he breathed out quickly as his hand closed over the brass knob.

"Good night," Josef replied wondering why Sully seemed so intent on leaving all of a sudden.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Nervously she reached over and took Sully's hand in her own as they sat on the bench in front of the clinic. The day was warm and Michaela felt slightly uncomfortable; her dress was sticking to her back. Her hair hung down in a solitary braid yet even that seemed to make her warmer.

Sully knew she was a bundle of nerves and he couldn't really blame her. The last time either of them had seen Josef, he had refused to speak to them. He gripped her hand tighter as he began to stroke the back with his thumb. "It'll be okay," he whispered leaning towards her to place a light kiss to her hairline.

"Why do I suddenly feel like a little girl?"

Sully laughed. "I 'spect ya always feel that way with your parents."

"But I shouldn't. I am a married woman with my own successful practice but still I can't help to think that I won't pass some sort of inspection."

Sully considered her for a moment trying to make sense of the emotions he saw playing across her face and the words she had just uttered. "If you're lookin' for his approval.."

Michaela interrupted him. "I'm not Sully. I don't care if he approves of my life here or not." She gave his hand a squeeze. "I wouldn't change anything about my life here with you and our family…. I just wish he could be a part of it."

"That's his decision, Michaela." She nodded and leaned her head against Sully as her other hand came up to absent mindedly stroke her abdomen. "Baby kicking?" Sully asked.

"Actually no," Michaela replied. "Seems she only likes to do that when I'm trying to sleep." Sully laughed. "Oh do you find that amusing Mr. Sully?"

"Not the sleep part." Michaela gave him a confused look. "You said she – seems you have accepted the fact that this is a girl." Michaela giggled but then stopped abruptly her eyes growing large as she tugged on Sully's hand.

"They're here," she whispered. Sully followed the direction of her eyes to see the stagecoach pulling up and stopping not far away. He helped her to stand and they walked to the edge of the wooden walkway, hand in hand.

Elizabeth was the first one down and she couldn't help but smile widely at seeing her youngest daughter's current condition. She stepped immediately over to the couple and grasped Michaela in a hug. "Michaela, you look positively radiant," she beamed unable to resist touching her stomach. "You're bigger than I thought you would be."

"It's good to see you too mother," Michaela said almost sarcastically.

"We are a little sensitive about our size," Sully teased as he leaned in to kiss Elizabeth's cheek.

"Sully," she said warmly. "How is the proud father to be?"

"Good," he said cheerfully. They were both preoccupied with Elizabeth so it wasn't until he cleared his throat that either looked up to see Josef standing a few feet away. Elizabeth moved to the side and Josef got his first full glimpse of Michaela.

"She's pregnant," he muttered, his brow creased in consternation.

"Mother?" Michaela said turning to look at her.

"I didn't exactly tell him," Elizabeth hastily explained. "I thought the surprise approach might work. Josef…"

"I suppose congratulations are in order," he said stepping towards them. "Sully I see you've finally succeeded in getting my daughter exactly where you want her - married and pregnant. I won't even ask which came first." He turned then to Michaela not wasting a beat. "Congratulations Mike – now you can give up your practice to be a mother." His tone was extremely sarcastic and biting. Sully felt his anger rising and it took every ounce of control not to attack Josef then and there.

"Father," Michaela said coolly. "Don't make unfounded accusations." Her eyes were boring into his as she refused to be intimidated by him. "I love Sully and I refuse to even give an answer to your insinuation. And for your information, I don't plan on giving up my practice."

Josef laughed but the sound was hollow. "You can't nurse a baby and see patients Mike. You're done as a doctor even if you don't realize it." With that he turned and called to the stagecoach driver for his bags.

"That went well," Michaela said leaning into Sully.

* * *

**Boston - November 28, 1853**

Michaela was tickled with herself. She knew the only reason she had managed to escape the house was because Josef was still sleeping but she didn't mind enduring one of his lectures later on if it meant seeing Sully this morning. The cry of a baby had woken her just as the sun was rising and she couldn't resist walking over to her room to look in on Marjorie and her new niece. Her mother had stayed the night with Marjorie in order to help out the new mother. It had been at Elizabeth's insistence that they needed to send a telegram to Everett as well as retrieve the baby items that were at Marjorie's house that Michaela had been able to leave. Michaela had thought Sully would have stayed at the Quinn house, the hour being so late when he had left. Michaela was unaware of the conversation between him and Josef that had slightly dispirited him and had definitely driven him to walk home.

Her mother had barely put up any resistance when Michaela volunteered to go. Elizabeth wasn't as concerned about a relapse as Josef was and the honest truth was that Michaela felt fine. She had already stopped by the telegraph office and was now in the carriage headed to Marjorie's. Thoughts of their brief encounter from the night before had danced through her head all morning and she couldn't seem to repress the desire to feel Sully's tongue exploring her mouth, his hands caressing her back, his breath stirring her hair as they entwined their bodies together. Part of her felt as if she shouldn't be thinking about such things - that is wasn't the proper thing to do. Yet visions of a carriage ride that seemed so long ago pulled at her heart. She longed to feel that need, that desire awaken inside of her again. Never had she felt such passion and whether or not it was proper, she had enjoyed it. Her cheeks flushed as she thought about it but she didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed in any way.

As soon as she felt the carriage slow, she pulled her cloak tight around herself preparing to step out into the biting air. The driver jumped down to assist Michaela but she had already thrown open the door and practically jumped to the cobblestone below. "I'll be back in a moment," she called over her shoulder as she quickly made her way up the steps.

Lucille opened the door to her and stepped aside as Michaela came barreling in. "Good morning, miss," she muttered surprised to see someone there so early.

"Good morning Lucille. Marjorie had the baby last night." A smile crossed the older woman's lips. "It's a little girl."

"A little girl? Well bless my soul."

"Red hair just like her mama," Michaela continued smiling widely.

"Has she named her yet?"

"No- I think she's waiting for Everett but I know she already has some names in mind. I brought a list of things she needs. She said you would know where to find them."

"Yes m'am," Lucille said taking the list from her. "It shouldn't take me long."

"No hurry," Michaela replied already walking back towards the kitchen. "I'm going to check on Sully so I'll be a few minutes." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she increased her pace slipping through the swinging door and into the dark cold kitchen. She crossed the room in quick strides making for the back door. Hitching up her skirt, she ran the path that led to the cottage feeling giddy as she did so. The thought that he was still asleep crossed her mind but she knew that even if he didn't answer right away she would keep knocking until she woke him up. Arriving in front of the little red door, she rapped hard on the wood, the sound echoing in the quiet morning air. When she received no immediate answer, she knocked again, her hand slipping down to try the door handle. It was locked but as she raised her hand to knock again, she heard the lock turn.

Sully opened the door to her and she pushed in, wrapping her arms around his shirtless torso. "Good morning," she whispered pushing him back against the closest wall as she kicked the door shut behind her.

She laid her head against his chest, letting the warmth she found there warm her flesh which had grown icy from the outside wind. At first, she thought he seemed so warm simply because she was so cold but it soon became obvious to her that this was not the case. Looking up at him, her face became grave. "I don't feel so good," he muttered letting his body relax back against the wall.

She lifted her hand to his forehead. "You're burning up. How long have you felt like this?"

Sully shook his head. "Just this morning. I felt fine when I got home last night- well maybe a little achy but I had run most of the way home so I didn't think much of it."

"Why didn't you take the carriage?"

Sully dropped his eyes not wanting to tell her about the conversation with Josef even though he knew he would have to eventually. "Just felt like walking," he muttered purposely avoiding her gaze.

Michaela didn't really notice his evasiveness; her first concern was his well-being. "I told you that you shouldn't have kissed me. Now you're sick." She smiled at him as she pulled away. Sully laughed but it ended in a coughing fit. "Oh my. You're coming home with me."

"I'll be fine here," he replied not wanting Michaela to worry about him.

"No you won't. Father needs to examine you and trust me- you aren't going to feel well enough to take care of yourself. We need to get you dressed." She turned and headed into the bedroom, opening his bureau drawers to get him a fresh shirt.

"Michaela, I can do that," he protested stepping in front of her. "I'm not helpless."

"Right," she said blushing slightly. "I… well.. I'll just leave you alone to get dressed." She crossed to the door and shut it behind her feeling embarrassed. She busied herself with straightening up the sitting room, plumping the pillows and such. When the bedroom door opened, she didn't hear it as her mind was lost in other thoughts. It wasn't until she felt Sully's arms wrapping around her waist as he stepped up behind her that she was aware of his presence.

He sighed deeply against her ear as she leaned back into him. "Something's always in our way," he whispered wishing he felt better than he did. "First you were sick, now me…"

"Just as well," she whispered turning in his arms. "I have exams all this upcoming week. So you won't be able to distract me. But when I'm done and you're well…"

Sully smiled down at her. "What?"

"Then we really need a little time alone," she said softly the blush on her cheeks deepening.

"If I wasn't sick, I would kiss ya right now."

Michaela put up her hand and laughed. "As much as I want that I think I better pass as well. They might start to get suspicious if we keep giving it back and forth to each other."

Sully let go of her and reached down to pick up the bag at his feet, eagerly anticipating getting back into bed to rest his aching head.


	81. Chapter 81

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty- one**

**Boston – December 1, 1853**

A light dusting of snow had fallen the night before making the cobblestone streets slippery but passable. Michaela let out a light sigh. She was certainly prepared for her first final exam but if it had been delayed a day, she wouldn't have complained. Time had slipped away from her this morning. She dressed quickly, taking small bites of the toast Martha had brought up to her a few moments before. Her eyes were riveted to a book as she tried to cram some last minute studying in. Looking up at the clock on her mantle, she realized that she still had to pin up her hair but that she was now in danger of running late. Quickly she snapped the book shut, deciding to simply tie her hair back in a low ponytail rather than take the time to do it. She knew Elizabeth would have some comment to make if she saw her but honestly Michaela didn't care. If she left right now, she could still stop by Sully's room and tell him the good news. That was more important to her then what her hair looked like anyway.

She stepped out into the hall and quietly closed the door behind her. Marjorie had been moved to her old room as Elizabeth had insisted on her staying here at the house until Everett returned. Michaela was fairly certain her mother had once again stayed the night with her and Michaela didn't want to alert anyone that she was up and about if she could help it. Walking down the hall on tiptoes, she let herself into Sully's room without even knocking.

The room was dark and Michaela assumed he was sleeping. She walked softly to the bed and peeked over the side. He was curled up under the covers, only the top of his head visible to her. Carefully she peeled the blanket back and smiled at the peaceful look on his face. Leaning down, she placed a light kiss to his cheek and was pleased to feel that it was cool. Maybe later this afternoon, he would feel up to a little company she thought to herself. One last glance and then she stepped away from the bed towards the door, feeling the butterflies in her stomach begin in earnest.

"Michaela," he whispered.

"Sully…"

"That was you," he said sitting up in the bed as Michaela moved back towards him. "I was dreaming about ya."

"You were?" Michaela smiled widely as she situated herself on the edge of his bed. "I have some good news."

Sully could see the excitement in her face and it was contagious. "About what?" he asked.

"I talked father into letting us visit Ida and John in Maryland after my exams are over."

"Elizabeth agree to that?"

"She doesn't know yet," Michaela giggled. "She's been so preoccupied with Marjorie - it's been nice." Sully shook his head at her but smiled broadly. "We'll leave as soon as you feel up to it and stay for about a week. I'm going to send a telegram to John and Ida this afternoon." Sully dropped his head toward the bed considering what she had said. Michaela could tell that he was apprehensive about something. "Sully?"

"That's very nice Michaela but…. I don't have the money to travel to Maryland..."

"I thought… your savings," Michaela began to interject. She knew that Sully had been working hard and saving almost every penny. He had written her only a month ago to tell her how much he had managed to put away.

"I can't tell ya," he said sheepishly. "Not yet anyway... it's a surprise for Christmas."

Michaela raised her eyebrows expectantly, her curiosity obviously piqued. "No matter, I'll buy the tickets."

"Michaela I don't want ya to do that. I ain't gonna have ya payin' my way."

Michaela threw her hand to her mouth in mock surprise. "I would never pay your way. How dare you suggest such a thing?" Sully gave her a look as if to say don't patronize me. "I planned on it being a birthday present for you," she insisted.

Sully frowned as he drew in a deep breath. "Pretty expensive birthday present," he muttered.

"Nothing's too expensive for my future husband," she whispered leaning closer to him.

Sully smiled at the words looking up at her suddenly, his eyes searching her countenance. "Your hair is down," he remarked lifting his hand up to touch the silky strands.

"I didn't have time to do it and stop to see you." She gave him a coy smile as she reached up to calm some of his hair that was sticking up in the front. "Elizabeth isn't going to like it." Michaela rolled her eyes as she said this and Sully couldn't help but giggle.

"I like it," he whispered. "When we're married will you wear it down more?" The words settled over her, warming her cheeks as she bit down on her bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth. She nodded excitedly as Sully watched her cheeks turn a soft shade of pink. Their eyes met and Michaela felt unable to look away. Sully's hand reached up toward her neck. He hadn't done this is so long that Michaela unconsciously leaned closer wanting him to touch the ring, to know that it was there. She felt his fingers slip between the buttons as her breath caught in her throat. The gentle caress of his finger tips against her bare flesh as he fumbled for the ring thrilled her. Sully watched the changes on her face – they way her lips parted slightly, her tongue slipping out to moisten them.

His fingers closed over the band and he worked it between the button holes until his eyes met the glimmer of gold against her blue dress. Michaela swallowed hard. "I wish you felt better," she said her voice breathy and enticing.

As if on cue, Sully dropped the band bringing his hands up quickly to cover his nose as he sneezed loudly. "Sorry," he said sheepishly reaching for the fresh pile of handkerchiefs on his bedside table.

"Don't be- you'll be better soon."

"And you'll be done with exams soon," Sully added.

"And then finally we'll have some time alone… in Maryland if not before." Michaela placed her hand on top of his as she said this, giving his fingers a light squeeze.

"Good," Sully agreed. "We haven't had a chance to talk."

Michaela cocked her head to the side as she considered him. "Talk?" she asked quizzically.

Sully laughed. "We haven't had much time for that either," he replied hastily, watching the tint of Michaela's cheeks deepen. "First exam this morning. Are ya nervous?"

"A little but I think the nervousness gives me an edge. I don't want to be too confident." Sully laughed again, already lying back against his pillows.

"Gotta go now?" he asked contentedly.

Michaela nodded and reached up to tuck the ring back between the buttons. She continued to look at him for a moment as she realized that there was in fact something weighing on his mind. "I should be home after lunch," she said standing.

"Good luck," he called as she approached the door.

She turned quickly and looked back over her shoulder at him, smiling widely. The door opened and closed quickly leaving him alone once more. Turning over in the bed, he closed his eyes hoping to dream about sweet summers spent in Maryland and a girl with long coppery hair.

* * *

When she woke up that morning, she felt more despondent than she had since arriving at her parent's house. Today was the day that Everett was due home and she wasn't looking forward to his arrival in the least. In the back of her mind she kept hoping that maybe something would delay him but she also knew that realistically she had to deal with the inevitable. While Elizabeth could certainly be annoying, Marjorie had secretly relished the last few days of being pampered and waited upon like royalty. That would end once she arrived home. 

It was mid afternoon when the door of her bedroom opened. She had just finished nursing the baby and she was gently rubbing her back as Everett appeared in the doorway. Elizabeth who was preparing the cradle for the baby's nap turned quickly towards the door. "Everett," Elizabeth said warmly stepping towards her son in law. She hugged him briefly and he returned the hug out of formality. "How was your trip?"

"Went well," Everett said abruptly, his eyes flying to Marjorie.

Elizabeth smiled recognizing what she assumed was the impatience of a man who had been away from his wife for too long. "I know you and Marjorie would like a few moments alone with the baby." Elizabeth stepped towards the door as Marjorie's stomach tightened. The last thing she wanted was a few moments alone with her husband. Elizabeth shut the door gently behind her but to Marjorie it was a loud slam reminding her that she was going back to the life she had come to dread.

Marjorie looked up at Everett tentatively holding the baby close to her on purpose. "It's a girl," she whispered trying to discern his reaction.

"I know. Michaela included it in the telegram," he stated plainly. He made no move towards her.

"Would you like to see your daughter?" Everett gave a half shrug but then stepped toward the bed and sat down on the edge. "I haven't named her yet. I was waiting for you." Marjorie held her breath, hoping against hope that Rebecca had been right- that Everett would soften once he had seen the baby. She lowered the baby onto her lap and opened the blanket she was swaddled in.

"She's beautiful," he said reaching out a hand to touch her cheek. Marjorie felt herself relax somewhat. "Look at all that red hair." Turning now he looked at Marjorie. "I've had a lot of time to think while I've been gone," he said laying his hand over hers on the bed. "Things have been bad between us and it's my fault. When I heard that the baby had been born, I guess I sort of woke up. I want to be a better husband to you and I want to be a good father to our daughter." Marjorie couldn't believe her ears. This was the old Everett, the one she had seen while they were courting – the one who had reappeared after she lost the first baby.

"I would like that," Marjorie whispered. She took a deep breath preparing herself for his reaction to what she was going to say next. "You're only like that when you've been drinking."

"I know," he surprisingly agreed, dropping his head shamefully. "I'm going to stop. I promise." Marjorie wanted to believe him. Certainly she had heard these promises before but maybe…. just maybe this time things would be different. His arm closed around her as he pulled her close, both parents admiring their baby daughter. "So beautiful," he said again this time leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to her cheek.

"What do you want to name her?" Marjorie asked. "I had some names in mind but if you had a suggestion."

"I'd like to name her after my mother," Everett said. Marjorie turned her hand over to take his in her own and give it a gentle squeeze. Everett's mother had passed away when he was twelve.

Marjorie looked down at the baby and then back up at Everett. "Elise - it's a pretty name."

"For a pretty little girl."

"Would you mind if we used Michaela for her middle name?" Marjorie asked looking up at him hopefully. Everett's brow furrowed questioning her decision. "She delivered Elise."

"She did?" Everett asked. "Why?"

"Everything happened so quickly and father wasn't here. There was no time to make it to the hospital."

Everett nodded as Marjorie spoke. "Elise Michaela, it is then." He snuggled up closer to his wife and new baby, vowing once again that things were going to be different now. The first thing he would do when he got home was throw out any alcohol that remained in the house. He promised himself to come right home after work every night. Yes he could do this, he could be a good husband and father.

Maybe, Marjorie thought. Just maybe it would work this time. Maybe Rebecca was right and having a child changed you so completely. It was true for her and she could only hope that it would be true for Everett as well.

* * *

**Boston – 1861**

He looked once again at the young girl at the desk, the bright red hair awakening some distant memory in him. The nurse said she was asking for him but he certainly didn't know her. She looked so little standing there. If he had to guess, he would say she was no more than seven or eight.

"Do you want me to bring her back to you, Dr. Burke?" the nurse asked again, waking him from his trance.

"No," he answered hastily. "I'll go talk to her." The nurse nodded and then wandered off uninterested in whatever business the little girl had with the doctor. William approached her slowly from the side. He could tell that she was upset. There were recent tear tracks on her face and his heart instantly went out to her. Stepping to her side, he kneeled down so that he was on the same level as her.

"Can I help you?" he asked kindly, startling her.

The little girl turned towards him, her face serious and her eyes piercing. "I need to speak with Dr. William Burke," she repeated once again.

"I am Dr. Burke," he answered feeling more intrigued by this strange child all the time. "Who are you?"

"Elise Michaela DuMuar," she answered never breaking eye contact with him. William swallowed hard when he realized who stood before him. This was Marjorie's daughter. Why he hadn't figured this out earlier was beyond him.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"My mama is out in the carriage. She sent me to get you."

"Right," William answered pondering why Marjorie would send her little girl to fetch him. Elise leaned over and tugged impatiently on his hand. It was only now that he recognized the urgency in her.

"Please hurry, I think my mama's going to die," she whispered.

* * *

**Boston – December 5, 1853**

It had been inevitable. There was no way to avoid Elizabeth finding out, yet Michaela had hoped that it might happen just as they were walking out the front door or even after they had already left. The afternoon was bright and sunny though the air was still bitterly cold. She had arrived home two hours ago, excited about completing her last final. The sense of freedom was fantastic and more so knowing that in three days time she would be leaving for Maryland. Sully was almost fully recovered and though he still napped frequently, his energy level increased each day. The two of them had taken lunch in his room because the house was deserted and there was no one to protest. The door was open and they were being careful, knowing that Josef and Elizabeth were due home soon. Michaela's plan was to scamper as soon as she heard the door downstairs but for right now she was laid across the end of Sully's bed staring lazily out the window while Sully read the last chapter of Wuthering Heights to her. They had started it while she was sick and had continued it on, finishing it just today.

The front door slammed and she jumped. Swiftly she tumbled off Sully's bed, ending up as a heap in the floor. Sully tried to conceal a laugh but couldn't and Michaela found herself chuckling along with him as she pulled herself up. Making for the door, she stood just inside and listened. She motioned for Sully to join her at the door. Quietly he crept out of bed towards her, the sound of angry voices reaching his ears. They both moved out into the hallway and towards the stairs straining their ears to hear the commotion below. They settled in the shadows of the top step and sat down listening intently.

"She's not going to Maryland!" Elizabeth exclaimed her voice reverberating off the walls. "I don't care if she owns every house in the state."

"Don't be ridiculous Elizabeth. She's a grown woman. We can't tell her what to do." This wasn't quite how Josef really thought. After all Michaela had asked his permission for the trip but it seemed easier at the moment to reason this way.

"We can tell her what to do if she's going to ruin the reputation of this family! And don't even say it Josef. People are beginning to talk – they know he isn't our son."

"Maybe not legally but Sully has always been a part of this family. He is Michaela's brother as far as I'm concerned." Sully and Michaela turned and looked at each other both inwardly cringing. Quickly Sully interlaced his fingers through Michaela's, trying his best to reassure her with a smile.

"Yes Josef and your opinion is of course the only one that matters. Fine send your daughter off to Maryland unchaperoned. Someday, Josef, someday you will be sorry. Mark my words!" Elizabeth turned now, her feet echoing against the tile of the foyer. She was headed right for the stairs. Rapidly, Sully and Michaela rose and went to their respective rooms although they were dying to be together. The fight had unsettled both of them as the extent of Josef's blindness was once again thrust upon them.

* * *

**Boston – December 8, 1853**

As they stood on the platform of the train station saying good-bye to her parents, Michaela had to remind herself not to act too giddy. She and Sully both had been ever so careful since the argument between Josef and Elizabeth. They longed to talk to each other but no opportunity had presented itself. Marjorie had left the morning before the argument and with nothing to distract Elizabeth she had reverted to her natural guard dog status. Michaela had conceded to the fact that Sully needed to rest in order to be ready for the trip but she had grown bored and restless with little to occupy her time. At first she had tried visiting Marjorie and the baby but Marjorie's house was inundated with a plethora of snotty Boston socialites who Michaela could simply not tolerate. She had been touched that Marjorie had wanted to use her name as Elise's middle name and she was glad to see Marjorie extremely happy in her new role as doting mother. How three days had dragged by so slowly was beyond Michaela but none of that mattered now. In moments they would board the train and finally be alone.

Elizabeth was still inwardly seething but she accompanied them to the train station, refusing to let them out of her sight until the last possible minute. She stood now stiffly to the side watching Michaela hug her father. "Have fun," Josef said as he let Michaela go. "I know Ida and John are looking forward to your visit."

"Yes – I'm looking forward to it as well," Michaela replied glancing over at Sully.

"Did you pack the tonic I gave you?" Josef asked turning towards Sully.

"Yeah, doc I did,' he returned jovially as the older man wrapped one arm around his back.

"Take good care of my little girl."

"I will," Sully said squeezing Josef's shoulder before moving away.

Michaela stepped to Elizabeth first and they embraced briefly. "I hope you have a good trip," she said, a forced smile upon her lips. Sully stepped to her next and she gave him a brief hug as well. "We'll see the both of you in a week." Her voice was matter of fact and they both knew that she was unhappy with their departure.

Sully bent over to pick up their bags and together they set off for the train. They turned once before boarding, Michaela waving to her parents. Sully only nodded his head, his hands full with their luggage. The train was fairly empty and they quickly found a deserted compartment. Sully stored their bags in the overhead racks while Michaela settled herself on the seat. For a brief moment things felt awkward, partially because it had been awhile since they had been alone without the prospect of being interrupted. The other awkwardness was due to the shared sense that a serious conversation would be their first order of business.

Sully took a seat opposite of her and anxiously smoothed the wrinkles in his pants. Michaela looked out the window as the train lurched forward. Neither spoke a word, both lost in their own thoughts and wondering who would take the initiative to start this discussion.

Michaela inhaled deeply and turned her face towards him. "I was hoping…. That is I thought…." Sully looked up at her expectantly as she struggled to find the right words. The expression on her face was almost painful and Sully's stomach tightened in response. "He really doesn't know," she whispered. Sully nodded but still he remained quiet sensing Michaela was still fighting to get out some sentiment or emotion. She ran her hands back and forth over the burgundy plush seats, temporarily avoiding Sully's gaze as she tried to get her thoughts in order. "Maybe it was only wishful thinking… are brothers and sisters usually this close?"

Sully shrugged his shoulders. "Never had a sister," he said and Michaela smiled at the irony of the statement.

"I've never had a brother," she returned finally meeting his eyes. "Elizabeth knows. She might not have proof but she definitely knows. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. All the pushing me to be an independent woman. The woman's right groups he is always encouraging me to get involved with." Again she turned her head towards the window. The cityscape of Boston was fading as the train raced on into the countryside. "I know he doesn't want me to get married but I just thought that maybe … that he would see us together and that something would click."

"He asked me about you and William," Sully now interjected, letting his hands fall to the train seat like Michaela's.

"William?"

"He wanted to know if you were interested in him."

"William?" Michaela asked again as if horrified by the prospect.

Sully couldn't help but laugh. "Yes William. Josef has seen the two of ya together at the hospital whisperin'.."

"That's only about Marjorie," Michaela quickly interrupted in case Sully had the wrong impression.

"I know," he said giving her a wink. Sully swallowed hard, his chest tightening as he spoke the next words. "He doesn't think that you can marry and be a doctor."

"I know," she replied sadly as the pressure inside of her chest increased.

"I told him that maybe not in Boston but somewhere else. He doesn't think they will accept a lady doctor though." Michaela nodded trying to control her own rising emotion. She knew the words held much truth but she didn't want to face the struggle quite yet. Sully watched her face fall and he instantly regretted telling her this part of the conversation but at the same time he knew he couldn't have kept it from her. "They will," he whispered trying to refocus her attention. "They will," he repeated this time louder. "Some places are in desperate need of a doctor. They'll take a lady over nobody."

Michaela knew Sully was trying to reassure her but once again being faced with the rejection that most likely lay in front of her, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. A quiet settled between them, both now looking out the window at the passing scenery trying hard to think of the right words or actions to make things seem less hopeless. Sully had thought about taking her in his arms but he wasn't sure the moment was right. Michaela wanted him to take her in his arms but she wasn't sure how to ask or initiate it right then and so they sat, the distance between them small yet great at the same time.

"What are we going to do?" Michaela asked after some time had passed. Sully looked over at her expecting to see tears. The tone of her voice was forlorn and he felt the same emotion engulfing his mind and heart. He was surprised that her eyes remained dry.

"We're gonna have to tell 'im. That's the only thing to do."

"But how? When?" Sully shook his head as the same silence set in. It was then that an unknown tiredness overtook Sully. He had been used to a morning nap during his recuperation and he was missing it now that he was fully mended. Readjusting himself on the seat, he tried to stay alert. His brain searched for a solution to their dilemma but nothing seemed to come to him. An hour of this silence passed and neither made a move to speak or comfort each other in any regard.

Sully watched the scenery most of the time but every once and awhile he glanced in her direction, noticing how her mood seemed to shift. Michaela now looked pensive as she sat across from him in the train car. He knew that their conversation was still weighing heavily on her mind. Sully couldn't help but question whether he should have told her in the first place but deep down he knew it was the right thing to do. Letting out a deep sigh, he tilted his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. The gentle movement of the train combined with the general exertion of the past two days lulled him to sleep so that when he opened his eyes again, the sun had sunk low on the horizon. The realization that a significant amount of time had passed, quickly brought him to his senses and he sat up slowly rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Heaviness still clung to his body and he rubbed his face briskly trying to shake it off. The bench opposite him was empty and it took him another moment to realize that part of the weight he felt was Michaela's head in his lap. He looked down wondering when she had stretched herself out on the seat and rested her head here.

Asleep, she looked so peaceful. The lines of worry that had creased her face earlier were gone now. Her lips were pressed tightly together and from this angle she looked almost as if she was smiling in her sleep. A hint of pink tinted each cheek and he wondered if she was cold or warm. He brought his finger up to trace the outline of her lips and then followed the contour of her face up past her cheek. The delicate ivory skin of her closed eyelids looked inviting and he couldn't resist tracing light trails back and forth over them. The skin was so silky smooth – he had never felt anything quite like it before. He closed his own eyes and ran his finger over them for a comparison only to realize hers were much softer.

Lightly stroking her cheek, he watched as first one and then the other eye flickered open. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hope you didn't mind," she said quickly rising from her position. "I… wanted….." She turned to face him again, her voice trailing off.

"What?" Sully asked drawing the rest of the response out of her.

"I wanted… no I needed to…. well be close to you," she finished her face already contorting slightly as if she was embarrassed by needing him. "I didn't know you had gone to sleep… I didn't want to leave things so tentative with you. I don't want to think about father right now, but rather enjoy this time together. I was telling you that when you began to snore." She laughed lightly after this last sentence finally raising her eyes to look at him.

Sully smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, I guess I get tired pretty easy."

"The sleep is good for you," Michaela agreed. "I suppose we should light the lamps…unpack our sandwiches….." She suggested all this but didn't move a muscle.

"I suppose," Sully said wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her up against him. Michaela swallowed hard. This was what they both had wanted for so long that to actually be sitting here alone, side by side, felt like a dream. The tension from earlier fled from her body and she earnestly pushed her concerns to the back of her mind.

Adjusting herself on the seat, she moved so that she could nestle her head in the hollow of his neck. Sully could feel her breathing against him eliciting goose bumps on the back of his neck. He moved his hand up to the back of her head and began to feel for the pins that held the neat curls in place. As he removed each one he dropped it haphazardly on the seat next to them. Michaela felt the hair cascading down her back and Sully's fingers running through it. She pulled back hastily, causing Sully to look down at her in alarm.

Her fingers worked nimbly to unbutton the top of her dress, slipping them inside once she had succeeded. Sully had now realized what she was up to and he caught the necklace as she undid the clasp. Dropping his head he placed a gentle kiss to her lips before slipping the ring off the necklace and putting it where it belonged – on her finger. "I'm wearing this until we return to Boston," she told Sully her face set in determination. Her face broke out in a wide grin. "It just occurred to me that Ida and John haven't seen it yet."

"They haven't," Sully affirmed. A sudden joy flooded over both of them. They were going to a place where people would be happy for them – genuinely happy for them. They were going to a place where it would be okay to act like an engaged couple. The feeling of euphoria seemed to begin in Michaela's chest. Yet soon it was flooding her body as her blood seemed to bare it along filling every interstitial space.

Picking up her hand, Sully raised it to his mouth and placed a kiss to the area just behind the ring. "Turn around," he whispered as he set her hand back down. Michaela wrinkled her brow in confusion and opened her eyes to look at him. "Just do it," he said playfully giving a light shake of his head. As she turned on the seat so that her back faced him, Sully leaned against the wall of the train stretching out one leg along the seat. He reached up for Michaela and pulled her against him so that her back was to his stomach, her head on his chest. He brought his hands up to her hair, running his fingertips over her scalp in a gentle massage. Michaela closed her eyes once again, letting the tiny tingles of pleasure rush over her. Sometimes, he would lightly scratch at the surface but mostly he worked from the front to the back making light circles on the delicate skin. It felt incredible and she completely relaxed against him. Eventually he stilled his hands against her, just content to have her so near but Michaela surprised him by turning over and kneeling in front of him on the seat.

"That was nice," she whispered as she moved closer to him. Sully closed his eyes waiting for her kiss but she dipped her head and placed the first kiss to his chest. Sully opened his eyes to see her peeking up at him as she kissed him once more a little higher. Before he knew it, his head was to the side and she was taking her time working her way up to his mouth. The goose bumps from earlier returned as she boldly let her tongue trace a path from his neck to his ear. She settled herself fully against him now and Sully wrapped both of his arms around her as their lips finally met. Neither was aware of how much time passed. The sun set and the car grew darker and darker as their lips hungrily sought one another again and again. At first, they simply pressed up against each other, both savoring the feeling that came from the prolonged contact with one another.

Somehow it felt like forever since they had kissed and it was as if they were slowly getting reacquainted with one another. Before long, Michaela found her bottom lip caught in between Sully's, his teeth gently nipping at it. She sucked in a sharp breath to keep from moaning, afraid of the emotion that he was eliciting in her, glad that she lay on top of him which allowed her to feel in control of the situation. Sully began to massage her lip with his tongue and Michaela couldn't resist bringing hers out to meet his. The dance continued, her hands eagerly kneading his chest while Sully's traveled up and down her back. Again and again they kissed - lips, neck, cheeks, eyes but both took care to not let their hands wander where they shouldn't.

A fire burned deep within each of them and Sully especially knew there was a very thin line that stood between them going further. It seemed right and it felt so good that it was hard to resist running his hands fully down her back to touch her bottom. Michaela wasn't immune to these same feelings. A heat seemed to radiate from the middle of her being, which urged her to push against Sully more and more. The thought of running her hands across his bare chest occurred to her more than once and she knew the temptations were slowly wearing her down.

Michaela kissed her way back down to his chest and laid her head there, stilling herself against him. The close contact continued to excite both of them but things seemed more in control now. She could hear the fierce beat of his heart underneath her ear and the thought that she had stirred him in this way made her giddy. Running her tongue along her lips, she could taste Sully's kiss and the sweetness that seemed to still linger there. "Happy birthday," she whispered turning her head once more to place a light kiss to his shirt clad chest.

"It turned out better then I thought," Sully teased as he smiled down at her. Eventually his heartbeat calmed along with hers and Michaela was left with a powerful sense of oneness as she lay there. The gentle rise and fall of his chest soothed her and she found herself drifting once again towards sleep. Sully held her close, not wanting this moment to end. He too closed his eyes and let the night time begin to work its magic. Hunger was forgotten… they had finally reunited physically and neither wanted to let go.

It was only when they awoke in the morning, the train slowing as it approached Baltimore that either realized that they had spent the night in each other's arms. Michaela awoke first, her body stiff from not moving all night. One hand, which had been tucked under her head, was painfully asleep and she brought her other hand up to try and massage some feeling back into it. Brilliant shades of pink and orange dotted the horizon as the sun pushed over the edge illuminating the dreary morning sky. The soft hues filled their compartment and made Sully's face glow. She rested her chin against his chest and simply watched him. It wasn't long before he awoke too, his mouth instantly curling into a smile when he recognized Michaela's form in front of him.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Michaela greeted him playfully. Sully took his arms from around her and stretched them above his head feeling the stiffness in his back and neck as he moved. Michaela took the opportunity to push herself up but she remained on the seat beside him, watching his every move.

"Mornin'," he returned as he sat up. A low groan escaped his mouth as he straightened his back.

"Guess we shouldn't have slept like that," Michaela giggled.

"That was worth a little stiffness," Sully returned jovially. Michaela stood suddenly as Sully cut his eyes up at her. "Where ya goin'?" She didn't answer but simply smiled before moving around behind him. Starting with his shoulders she gave him a deep massage working out the tightness she found in his muscles. Sully reveled in her touch, wishing that it could go on forever. Truth be known, it probably would have continued but the train slowed considerably alerting them of their arrival in Baltimore.

* * *

**Baltimore, Maryland – December 9, 1853**

"Why are ya so jittery?" John asked as Ida smoothed her dress for the thousandth time that morning. She had insisted on coming with him to Baltimore to pick up Sully and Michaela, and John was starting to regret his decision to bring her. In the boat, she had complained about the weather as she worried about whether it would be too cold for Sully who was still recovering. Once in port, she complained about where John had docked the boat, saying it was too far for the two of them to walk. Now that they stood on the dock waiting for their arrival, she was nervously adjusting her own outfit and had recently started on his as well.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly once again raising her hand to brush at some imaginary fuzz on his coat.

"It's just Michaela and Sully. Why y'all worked up?"

"It's been so long and they are all grown up now."

"They was all grown up last time we saw 'em," John replied shaking his head. Just then his eyes spotted the two of them emerging from a carriage and he smiled. "There they are,' he said lifting his hand slightly to indicate the direction she should look. Quickly they advanced toward the carriage, both of their faces glowing. Sully held the bags in his hand as he walked quickly across the boards of the dock. Michaela was just as anxious as Ida and she practically skipped at Sully's side.

"Michaela – Sully," Ida squealed while they were still some distance off and Michaela hitched up the hem of her skirt and ran the rest of the way unable to contain her enthusiasm a moment longer. Ida wrapped her arms around her, pulling the young woman against herself. "Look at ya," she said pushing her back but still holding onto her arms. "Ya done growed up even more."

Michaela smiled as a light blush settled on her cheeks. She wriggled free of Ida's hold and lifted her hand so that the ring was visible to both Ida and John. "I reckon congratulations are in order," John said as he greeted Sully. "She's already flashin' that ring."

Sully laughed. "Michaela's excited – she can't wear it most of the time."

"Ya still ain't told Josef?" John asked his brow furrowing in worry.

"We're workin' on it," Sully returned stepping into Ida's embrace as Michaela moved to hug John.

"Now don't be harpin' on 'em," Ida warned. "He's down right grumpy today."

"I ain't grumpy," he muttered as he and Sully shared a look. The women linked arms and started off towards the boat while Sully and John picked up the bags and followed in their wake.


	82. Chapter 82

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty-two**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 9, 1853**

"Which room are ya gonna take?" Ida asked. Sully and John were already on the landing as Michaela and Ida followed them up the stairs.

Michaela turned to look at Ida, an odd expression on her face. "I… I figured I would stay in the room I always stay in."

Ida smiled. "Oh… that's fine child. I mean I gots that one ready but just in case ya wanted to take the master bedroom…. Well I got that one ready too."

Taking the master bedroom had never even occurred to Michaela. The room was Anna's– not hers. Yet it reminded her that she was the owner of this house, something that still seemed surreal to her. Stopping at the top of the stairs she considered her options. "Sully would you put my bags in Anna's room?"

Sully looked back over his shoulder and nodded. She could see the questions in his eyes as he turned towards the first door and entered. Michaela walked in behind him, smiling at the pristine state of the room. The bed covering was made of a rich burgundy damask and Michaela couldn't resist crossing the room to run her hands over it. "Are ya gonna stay in here?"

Michaela looked up, meeting Sully's questioning expression. "I thought I might. Why?"

"Aren't scared of ghosts are ya?" Sully teased.

"I don't believe in ghosts."

"Alright… just don't come bangin' on my door at two o'clock in the mornin' when the ghosts show up."

"That's ridiculous- there are no such things as ghosts and even if there were do you think I'm going to be scared of Anna's ghost." Sully laughed and Michaela swatted him playfully on the arm. "When will you grow up and stop teasing me? We aren't little kids anymore you know."

"We aren't?" Sully asked moving closer to the bed. "So if I was to do something like this…" He quickly lunged for a pillow and swung at Michaela, hitting her square on her upper arm. "… what would ya think?"

"I would think you needed to grow up," she replied pretending to be angry with him. She walked around to the other side of the bed as Sully watched her with a smirk on his face. Unable to resist, she stuck her tongue out at him as she rounded the bed post. Her hands closed over the pillow on the other side of the bed as Sully lunged across hitting her this time in the stomach. Michaela swung hitting Sully on the head as he scrambled off the bed and landed in a heap on the floor. "Are you okay?" Michaela asked as Sully cradled his head in his hands and moaned.

She moved across the floor towards him, playing right into his trap. Sully rose up and brought the pillow down hard as she bent over to check on him and Michaela crashed to her knees, laughing the whole time. "Gotcha!" he exclaimed trying to find his feet. Michaela grabbed at his pants leg though and he found it hard to stand with her tugging on him so insistently. He gave up and fell back to the floor as Michaela let go of his leg only to hit him repeatedly with her pillow.

Neither heard the footsteps of Ida as she walked down the hall toward the bedroom. She stood tentatively outside the door, Michaela and Sully concealed from sight behind the bed. She heard the thumps of the pillow as well as the little sounds of delight that Michaela and Sully were both making. Quickly she stepped inside and crossed to the bed, a little uncertain of what she might be walking in on. "Ya two are loud enough to wake the dead," she said stepping around to see them.

Michaela stopped with the pillow in mid air and looked up at Ida smiling. She immediately burst out laughing and Sully with her. "Sorry, Ida," she managed to choke out between laughs.

"Good lord almighty, what has gotten into y'all?"

Sully sat up finally composing himself. "I was just tellin' Michaela that she shouldn't sleep in here because of the ghosts and then you said loud enough to wake the dead…" He started laughing again as his eyes met Michaela's.

"Ain't Miss Anna's ghost ya gotta be worryin' about," Ida interjected, her expression still serious.

"What do you mean?" Michaela asked as she stood up smoothing out her dress.

"This house go back five generations. Miss Anna's great great grandfather died in this very room. Didn't Miss Anna ever tell ya 'bout his ghost?" Sully and Michaela exchanged a playful look, assuming that Ida was teasing.

"I don't believe in ghosts," Michaela informed her.

"Can't say I much do myself but I 'spect I seen ole Ben around here myself a time or two."

"Ben?" Michaela asked incredulously. "His name was Ben?"

Just then John arrived in the door way. "Don't pay her no mind Sully and Michaela. Ain't no ghost named Ben floating around here." Ida and John exchanged playful looks with each other while Michaela and Sully did the same. "But we do got somethin' to tell ya," John said, this time his face growing extremely serious. "We got visitors here right now."

"Visitors?" Michaela asked.

John came in close as if someone might hear him at any moment. "Just came last night…" Michaela's brow wrinkled in confusion and she turned to see the same expression on Sully's face. "Runaways," John clarified but Michaela and Sully still looked perplexed.

"Slaves," Ida added. "Runaway slaves."

At these two words, Michaela's eyes grew large with excitement. It had never occurred to her that Ida and John would continue to help slaves escape. They had given it up when Anna first suffered a stroke and had never started it again as far as she knew.

Ida wasn't sure what the expression on Michaela's face meant and she panicked assuming Michaela didn't want her house being used for illegal activity like this. "Miss Michaela," she said rather formally. "Now I hope ya won't go and be mad at us for usin' ya house without askin'."

"Of course not," Michaela assured her as relief filled the room. "I'm excited to know that you are."

"We's ain't tryin' to get ya in trouble."

Michaela laughed. "I would be proud to get in trouble for this," she assured them. Sully observed her as he sat back against the bed. Her cheeks were glowing with a rosy hue and her eyes shining so that the green of her irises actually appeared to be flecked with gold. He knew this look, he had seen it before – she wanted to meet the visitors. The only question in his mind is how long she would hold out before asking. She looked over at him and saw the smirk on his face. "What?" she asked. "I would be."

"I'm not doubtin' that," Sully laughed. "Just waitin' to see how long it takes ya." Again one side of his mouth curled up in a little smirk making Michaela wonder what secret he seemed to know that she didn't.

"Waiting for what?"

"See how long 'fore ya ask."

Michaela lowered her face slightly but Sully could see the sheepish look that deepened the tinge on her cheeks. "Whatcha children talkin' about?" Ida said absent mindedly scratching her forehead.

John laughed. "Miss Michaela done itchin' to meet our guests I reckon." Michaela beamed up at him giving a slight nod of her head as both men began to laugh in earnest.

"Well come on chil'en, ain't no reason to waste any more time. Sides I want ya to take a look at one of the little ones – he done got a bad cut on his foot." Ida nodded her head and then turned to lead the way out of the room.

* * *

Standing outside of the barn, Michaela watched as John stepped to the door and rapped once and then twice in a little pattern. Slowly the barn door slid open and a form emerged from the shadows yet not far enough that the person was identifiable. Ida stepped close and spoke in a low voice. "I done brought someone to look at Tom's foot."

"I told ya not to worry about it," came the reply.

"It's safe, don't worry. I'd never put ya in danger." With this the figure stepped out a little further and Michaela realized it was a woman in man's clothing. 1"This is Sarah - she's a conductor," Ida said. Michaela wasn't sure what a conductor was but she stepped forward and held out her hand to the woman who stood before her. Sarah looked at her hand as if judging whether to shake it or not. She regarded the Boston clad woman before her with a touch of scorn.

"Nice to meet you, Sarah," Michaela offered and finally felt her fingers close over her hand as she stepped out into the light. Michaela knew she was staring but she couldn't help it. She had never seen someone who was as beautiful as the girl who stood in front of her. The first thing that caught her attention was the blue eyes - the color of Sully's. Yet her skin was a wonderful rich caramel color - not dark or light but caught somewhere in between. Long curls cascaded everywhere, the sunlight highlighting the hints of red and blond in her brown hair.

Sarah met Michaela's eyes confidently and saw the kindness that resided there but she couldn't help but be put off anyway. She was obviously very wealthy - probably some Northern pampered liberal who wanted to see for herself what abolition was about. Sully reached over and grabbed her hand next. "Hey Sarah, nice to meet ya."

Though Sully was still dressed in his Boston finery as well, there was something about his face - a slight wildness, she would later call it that made her instantly trust him. She shook his hand almost eagerly. After the cold reception Michaela had received, this warm greeting of Sully put her slightly on edge. "What's a conductor?" Michaela interjected hastily.

Sarah looked over at her, rolling her eyes as she did so. "Means I lead people to safety." She turned toward Ida and John. "It ain't a good idea to bring 'em out here. Less people who know the better."

"I told ya -Michaela's studyin' to be a doctor- she can help Tom."

"A doctor? Ain't never heard of no lady doctor before."

"Well now ya have," Sully piped up noticing the way Michaela chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"Suppose that'd be alright," Sarah agreed and moved to the side so that they could enter the barn. John led Michaela over to the small band of people on the far side of the barn. Sully started to follow but he felt a light tap on his shoulder. "She really a doctor?"

Sully turned back toward Sarah and smiled warmly. "She's not yet. She's still in school but her father is a doctor and she works with him at the hospital so she's knows an awful lot 'bout sick people."

Sarah shook her head. "I ain't tryin' to be rude - I just seen her kind before."

"Her kind?" Sully had no idea what the girl before him was referring to.

"Probably got some rich father. Goes to the abolition meetings and thinks she done her part in helping us poor colored folks."

Sully furrowed his brow. "Ya know this is her house, don't ya?"

"I thought..." Sarah's voice faded off as she realized what this meant. Any person caught helping slaves escape could be thrown in jail or worse- have their property taken away from them. "I didn't know... I only ever met Ida and John 'fore." Sully nodded to show that he understood. "Why don't she live here?"

"It was her grandmother's house- she left it to her but she's in college in Boston."

"So how are ya connected with all this?" Sarah asked, curious about his presence.

Sully let out a light laugh and smiled, feeling free to share his true relationship to Michaela. "We're engaged," he said his eyes lighting up with an immense joy.

"Really?" Sully nodded looking over to see Michaela bending over her young patient. "Ya don't look like ya go together."

Sully's brow winkled and he narrowed his eyes as he turned back to her. He didn't quite know what she meant but the statement had put him immediately on the defensive. Pulling himself up to his full height, he observed the girl in front of him with a critical eye. "Ya don't know us," he said, his voice cutting the air with a slight anger.

"Now don't go gettin' all in an uproar. I didn't mean anything by it... I speaks my mind is all."

"So does Michaela," Sully informed her rocking back on his heels and wondering how long Sarah and company would be here.

"Sarah," Michaela called and they both turned to see Michaela waving her over. She scuttled off to see what was needed while Sully continued to hang back.

John approached him from the side a mysterious smile on his face. "Got two strong personalities there," he said nodding his head in the direction of the two women.

Sully laughed. "Ya can say that again."

* * *

**Cambridge, MD - December 14, 1853**

The story came out later that evening over supper. Ida and John had not planned to have any fugitives during Michaela and Sully's visit but this had been an emergency. Somehow the escaped slaves had been found out and had to flee in the middle of the night from a small farm on the eastern shore of Virginia. For several days they had walked non-stop as Sarah had led them to the only place she knew to go – to John and Ida. So as not to arouse suspicion, Ida had accompanied John to Baltimore as they had planned. John had thought it would be a good time to take the fugitives with them. After picking up Sully and Michaela, they would sail straight up the bay and leave them at the mouth of the Susquehanna River. There was a small Quaker community not far from there who would offer them safety. Yet the group was too exhausted and weary to be ready to travel that soon again so they had stayed on.

The new plan was to take them to safety at the week's end when Michaela and Sully were due to head back to Boston. The plan would have been a good one if not for the impending bad weather. Five days had passed since Michaela and Sully had arrived. They had quickly fallen into their old routines; Michaela in the kitchen with Ida while Sully helped John with whatever chores needed to be done. The fugitives kept them all busy as they needed to have food prepared and brought to them and Michaela was keeping a close eye on the infected cut on the little boy's foot.

It was on one of these visits to the barn that for the first time, Michaela really had the opportunity to speak with Sarah for more than a few minutes. She had instantly taking a liking to her but had been disheartened that Sarah seemed so hostile towards her. It didn't help that she seemed to gravitate towards Sully and though Michaela knew it was silly, she couldn't help but feel a few pangs of jealousy watching them talk. At those times, she looked down at the ring on her finger to remind herself that they were promised to one another. Yet today Sully was still helping John with a boat repair and so Sarah was more or less forced to interact with Michaela.

"He gonna be well enough to travel?" she asked as Michaela finished bandaging his foot.

"I would like him to rest it for one more day if possible. The infection's gone now; I wouldn't want it to return." Sarah nodded and grew quiet looking down at the hay strewn floor as Michaela gathered her supplies. There were so many questions she had for Sarah and feeling like the opportunity of asking them was almost over, she threw caution to the wind. "How did you start doing this?"

"Ya mean conductin'? Michaela nodded yes and sat back on the makeshift chair. "I used to be a slave – well that ain't quite true I guess. My mother was the cook on the plantation we lived at in South Carolina. She was just young when the master made her his mistress." Michaela dropped her eyes at this word, her face showing her embarrassment. "It ain't a pretty story so if ya can't take it…" Sarah's voice was gruff and full of anger.

"Please continue," Michaela said feeling guilty about her reaction but finally beginning to understand Sarah's appearance.

"Anyways, she done got pregnant wit' me and she knew that master weren't gonna let her keep me once I was born. My mother wasn't gonna let that happen so she ran."

"You were born free then?" Michaela asked spellbound by the tale Sarah was weaving. Sully slipped into the barn at this point but neither woman noticed him.

"Depends on what ya mean by free." Sarah's voice had grown rather hostile again but Michaela pressed on regardless, determined to understand the person who stood before her.

"You weren't a slave?"

"No, I never been an actual slave but that don't mean I'm free." Michaela cocked her head to the side, unable to discern Sarah's meaning. Their eyes met and she saw the rage burning in Sarah's eyes. "Ya fancy white people talk about freein' the slaves but what 'xactly is that gonna mean. Ya gonna let us have jobs? Ya gonna let us own property? Ya gonna let us vote?"

Michaela nodded in understanding. "I understand – free isn't exactly free."

"What do ya understand? Ya couldn't possibly know what our life is like."

Michaela blushed heavily but tried to explain herself. "I just meant… well that I understand what you meant. I would never try to say that my situation is anything like yours but woman don't have those same rights." She instantly regretted this statement as she looked into the blue eyes that met her own.

"You're one of those," Sarah said with disgust.

"One of what?" Michaela asked, her eyes wide with astonishment.

"'Em women… claim they abolitionist but just usin' the stage to push their own ideas about givin' women property rights and the vote."

"We want it for black women as well," Michaela said softly trying to defend her own position.

Sarah laughed at what she considered the ridiculousness of Michaela's statement. "Don't try to link our battles – they aren't the same. You're a white woman – men hold carriage doors for ya, throw their coat down over puddles so your shoes won't get soiled. Ya think a man ever did anythin' like that for me. Ain't I a woman! Ain't I worthy of that same treatment?" Her voice had grown progressively louder as she spoke until she was shouting, her voice full of venom.

"Of course you are," Michaela replied, her voice sorrowful and apologetic. "I never meant… I simply thought…" A loud sigh escaped her mouth, frustrated that she couldn't seem to convey herself well. Tears welled up in her eyes and she felt powerless to stop them from falling. "I am sorry," she said weakly, turning and moving towards the barn door for lack of anything better to do. Her eyes were cast to the floor and she didn't see Sully stir in the shadows as she stepped out into the cold winter afternoon.

Sarah watched her go, perplexed by her actions but in a way glad to be rid of her. Sully wanted to go after Michaela and he would, but first he needed to speak to Sarah. She had unfairly judged Michaela since the first moment they had met and that was the real crux of the problem. Sarah's back was toward Sully as she turned to speak to the other fugitives, apologizing for yelling. "Ya don't have to yell at her like that," Sully said stepping towards the group. Sarah wheeled around surprised by his presence. "She only wants to help."

"I don't need her kind of help," Sarah replied as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Ya don't?" Sully asked looking up at her in surprise. "Seems to me that ya do."

"And how's that?"

"This is her house ya been seekin' refuge at." Sarah swallowed hard as she was once again reminded of this fact. "She'd be the first one to tell ya that she don't like the women who claim they're conditions are the same as slaves."

"Maybe- but she still goes to their meetins." Sarah's voice had softened some but she wasn't yet willing to let go of the spite she still held. It was at this point that Michaela had returned to the barn to try and smooth things over with Sarah. Yet when she heard Sully's voice, she stopped outside the door and listened.

"Whether or not the battle is the same – she's still fightin' a battle. Do ya know what it's like knowin' your whole life you're meant to be a doctor- only to be told repeatedly by your mother, by schools and by society that ya can't. Ya judged her from the moment she got here. All ya see is her skin color and the fact that she has money. Is her struggle as bad as yours? No and she'd be the first one to tell ya that." Sully's gaze was penetrating and though Sarah wanted to look away she couldn't. "Ya don't want to be judged by your appearance so stop judging her that way." Sarah nodded briefly and turned her eyes to the ground unwilling to speak at that moment. Sully moved decisively to the door, glancing back once he called over his shoulder, "Ya both human – ya have more in common than ya think."

He pushed open the door and stepped out into the cold as Michaela grabbed him from the side. "Thank you," she whispered against his ear. "Thank you."

Sully wrapped an arm around her shoulder protectively and laughed. "Just wanted to set the record straight."

Michaela stared up at him with admiration, as a fire began to burn inside of her ignited by Sully's impassioned speech a few minutes before. It wasn't that she had ever doubted that Sully would defend her but actually hearing him do it stirred her incredibly. Michaela snuggled closer to him as they walked toward the house. Once inside they hastily divested themselves of their coats and joined hands. Sully led the way to the morning room, where a fire was glowing merrily in the grate.

Michaela stepped towards him, her free hand circling his neck as Sully pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Letting go of her other hand, he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in close as Michaela settled herself against him. They stood like that for a few minutes reveling in the closeness they shared both longing for more intimate contact yet knowing they needed to be cautious. He felt Michaela's warm breath against his neck and he shivered in delight when she placed a gentle kiss to his chin. Turning his face down toward hers, she clung to him tightly pressing her lips against his as a sign of gratitude for what she had recently witnessed. Sully stumbled backwards unprepared for Michaela's force. He caught himself as his hands moved lovingly down her back. Her tongue slipped into his open mouth and Sully moaned deeply at the sensation. Caught up in the moment, one hand slipped down below her waist. Michaela was conscious of his fingers kneading the flesh of her bottom and she knew the proper thing to do would be to step away but at the moment she didn't want to.

The door of the morning room opened then and Ida stepped through clearing her throat loudly. They broke apart rather reluctantly; both glad that from Ida's viewpoint she couldn't see where Sully's hand had rested moments before. She shook her head disapprovingly as she observed their flushed countenances. "Can't leave ya two alone for a minute," she teased though both Michaela and Sully recognized that she was serious as well.

John stepped through the door behind her now unaware of how Ida had found them. "There's a storm comin'," he said with a grave face. "Think we're in for a lot of snow. Is Tom well enough to travel?"

Michaela nodded. "He should be fine – the infection has subsided completely."

"Good, then we'll go tonight."

"Tonight?" Ida asked in surprise. "But I thought that we was gonna take 'em when we took Sully and Michaela back."

"They need to get out of here before this snow comes… sides I don't think that Sully and Michaela gonna be goin' back anytime soon."

Sully and Michaela looked at each other as a delicious grin spread over each of their faces. The prospect of spending Christmas here was too exciting and though both tried not to get their hopes up, silently they each prayed for enough snow to temporarily shut down the railroad.

* * *

The afternoon was very busy as preparations were made to take the fugitives to safety that night. Food needed to be packed, blankets gathered along with other supplies the small band of escaped slaves would need until they were able to find refuge. John was not thrilled about sailing at night with them but he knew that was safest for all concerned. By his own predictions, the snow would not start until the next afternoon and Ida assured Sully and Michaela that he was seldom wrong.

Though John had been determined to make the journey alone, he had eventually given in to the other's insistence to accompany him. In the end he was glad for the company especially on the return journey. Sully had gone down at dusk to ready the boat for sailing, Michaela and Ida had taken many trips back and forth between the house and boat, in the cover of darkness, bringing out the supplies. Finally, John had led the fugitives to the waiting craft. They quickly went below to sleep preparing themselves for the net leg of their journey. Sarah chose to remain on deck with the foursome though she seldom interacted with them.

There was not much talking as the boat silently cut through the river. When Sully's help wasn't needed with the sailing, he huddled together with Michaela each seeking the other's warmth. The moon was full though clouds covered it from time to time giving an eerie appearance as they sailed further on up the black water. Michaela felt as if she was living some tremendous adventure from the pages of a book. Never had she felt such an exhilaration as she did helping these people even if Sarah didn't appreciate it. Yet as they neared their destination, Sully returned to help John turn the main sail and Sarah softly approached Michaela from the side, her head turned down.

The moon reappeared from behind the clouds as Michaela looked at her fully and she was once again caught by the beauty of her appearance. "You're so beautiful," she whispered and Sarah shook her head, her expression almost pained. "But you are." Their eyes met and Sarah could see that she was speaking what was in her heart not simply some silly statement to try and appease her.

"Why?" Sarah asked her eyes shining with curiosity.

"The color of your skin," Michaela began.

Sarah interrupted her, turning hastily away. "Most people hate it – they look at me and they know. They don't wanna think that a colored person and a white person could…" Her voice faded as she swallowed against the rising tide of emotion.

"It's beautiful," Michaela said finishing her earlier thought. "People are ridiculous sometimes," she whispered. "They hate what they don't understand."

Sarah turned her eyes up to Michaela's grateful for her words. "We are the same," she whispered.

"No," Michaela insisted shaking her head. "I never meant for you to think that I thought that."

"We are." Sarah smiled as Michaela's brow wrinkled. She reached over and laid her hand over Michaela's heart. "We are both human and we both have a good heart. That makes us the same." Michaela smiled warmly and nodded in agreement, glad to feel as though they finally understood each other.

* * *

**Cambridge, MD - December 17, 1853**

The return journey that night was long and arduous. They were each glad they had accomplished their task but now a weariness set in so that when they arrived home each fell into bed fully dressed and slept well into the afternoon. The snow was just beginning when they awoke the next day but it continued on into the night, stopping for brief periods of time before starting again. With each flake, Michaela and Sully grew more hopeful and it soon became obvious that no one was going anywhere for an extended period of time.

They had spent the first day after the storm inside, curled up by the fire, listening to John and Ida tell stories of their own life and children. Michaela was especially interested in anything Ida could remember about Anna. A sense of contentment prevailed through that afternoon and well into the night as they drank cup after cup of hot tea and ate their fill of cookies. They had each secretly craved this and now with the burden of the fugitives gone, all reveled in the chance to simply be with one another. Ida and John wanted to hear all about Sully's travels and adventures in Colorado. Though Michaela knew most of everything he said, it was mainly through his letters and there was something exciting about hearing it from his own mouth instead. Time wore on and neither wanted the evening to end. Ida finally insisted that they all retire to bed when she caught Michaela asleep on Sully's shoulder in the middle of one of her stories.

Both Michaela and Sully had sensed a new watchfulness in Ida. She would frown disapprovingly if she caught them in a simple kiss. It seemed wherever they were in the house, she soon showed up or sent John to fetch Sully for some minor task. It was this that had first driven them from the house on this particular afternoon. John and Sully had shoveled a path from the house to the barn on the previous day but no one had stayed outside for an extended period of time.

Michaela and Sully had settled in the morning room after lunch, cuddling up next to each other on the couch deciding to take turns reading when Ida had once again shown up eyeing the small space between them. Sully had caught Michaela's eye and he smiled widely. "Wanna play in the snow?" he asked raising his eyebrows in anticipation of her answer.

"Sure," she returned happily, glad to escape from the house for a little while.

Ida shook her head. "Ya two are gonna catch a cold out in that weather."

"We'll bundle up," Michaela assured her as they raced from the room. Twenty minutes later, they were pulling on old boots of John's and buttoning up their coats over thick layers of clothing, meant to insulate them from the bitter wind that blew. They stepped out into the winter wonderland and Michaela quickly found out how deep the snow was when she sank into a drift clear up past her thigh. Sully laughed at her but helped her out and soon they were playing happily in the snow. They explored the yard for awhile to find out where the deepest drifts were. They made a snowman and then playfully argued over what to name it, finally deciding on calling him Ben after the supposed ghost.

It was Sully who first started the snowball fight but it was Michaela who managed to get in the best shot, hitting him squarely in the nose. As Sully cleared the water from his face, Michaela jumped around in a sort of victory cheer. When Sully opened his eyes, Michaela had disappeared. "Sully!" she called and he quickly ran towards the sound of her voice afraid something had happened.

"What happened?" he asked standing over her body. She was lying backwards in the snow struggling to free herself from a deep drift.

"I fell when I was jumping."

Sully laughed hard at her predicament. He held his stomach and doubled over smiling down at her as cascades of laughter poured forth from his mouth. "Serves ya right," he finally managed to utter as Michaela narrowed her eyes at him in mock anger. Sully held out his gloved hand to help her up. She shook her head though, a devilish glint in her eye. "Suit yourself," Sully teased and backed up as he watched Michaela struggle to free herself from the deep snow. Eventually she managed to stand raising one eyebrow at Sully rather suggestively. The cold had reddened her cheeks making the green of her eyes appear even brighter just under the ivory woolen cap that covered her head. Slowly, she turned pulling her feet out of the sunken holes and stepping lightly on the hardened snow to her left.

She stepped delicately trying not to break through the snow since she no longer had Sully's footprints to walk in. A little afraid of what revenge she might enact, Sully followed at a safe distance. Paying more attention to her then where he stepped, he soon found himself thigh deep in a drift and struggling to get out. Michaela heard him swear and she turned around laughing at his predicament. "Not so funny now is it?"

Sully looked up at her and shook his head, a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "At least I offered to help ya!"

Michaela wrinkled her nose up as she giggled. The barn rose up before her and she moved on through the snow not looking back again until she had reached the door. "When you get out, come find me," she called playfully. Sully watched as she pushed open the door and stepped inside. It wasn't hard for Sully to get free, he simply took a step backwards into one of his previous footprints. He soon found himself opening the barn door and stepping into the building which at least offered some protection from the wind even if the temperature wasn't much warmer. "Michaela!" he called out letting his eyes adjust after being out in the bright white of the snow. She made no reply but a noise in the loft caught his attention and he made his way to the wood ladder in the middle of the structure. Climbing up was difficult in his several layers of clothing but he finally made it to the top. Some combination of elements made the loft warmer than the area below and he noticed that Michaela had dropped her wet coat here at the top of the stairs as well as stepping out of her boots.

Sully wasted no time in following her example and found his movements much easier now. Pushing through the deep hay he had no clue where she was hiding until he heard her shriek. "Michaela," he called out, a slight panic in his voice.

She raced out of a small alcove, her eyes large. "Mice," she said apologetically. "They scared me."

Sully tried not to laugh but his shoulder shook as he kept it inside. "Ya probably scared them more than they scared ya."

Michaela rolled her eyes as she walked closer to him. "I'm still upset with you." She poked him in the chest as she spoke.

"Good," Sully returned growing serious.

"You want me to be mad at you." Sully nodded but his lip began to curl up every so slightly. Michaela raised her eyebrows as she studied his face. "Why do you want me to be mad at you?"

"'Cause then we get to kiss and make-up." No longer could he contain his smile and Michaela smiled back while blushing horribly. Laying a hand against her reddened cheek, he softly stroked it with his thumb as he moved closer. Anxiously, Michaela sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes meeting Sully's. "I've been kissin' ya forever and ya still get all flustered."

"It's not that," Michaela managed to whisper but offered no further explanation.

Sully was intrigued not to mention mesmerized by the coy look on her face and the longing that he found in her eyes. "What?" he whispered leaning in even closer.

Michaela hastily diverted her eyes while stepping into his embrace. Placing her mouth next to his ear she whispered, "I came in here on purpose. I wanted…" Her voice left her at this point and he felt her physically tremble in his arms. This only served to endear her to Sully more and he pulled her tightly against him wishing that he had fewer layers of clothing on. First he reached up and pulled the woolen cap off of Michaela's head, flinging it haphazardly in the hay. Her hair was wild from being in the hat and he soothed the fly away pieces back with his hand. He stepped back for a moment and pulled off the heavy woolen sweater and it too joined the ever growing pile of discarded clothing. Michaela placed her hands at the hem of her own sweater then swallowed hard. She had two shirts on under this one as well as a camisole but somehow the actual act of shedding clothing seemed rather intimate.

"Ya can leave it on," Sully said in a hushed tone sensing her hesitancy. That statement was all Michaela needed to free her into making her own decision. Quickly she pulled it off, and threw it next to Sully's. Tentatively she reached toward him, her hand making contact with his cheek, giving them each a shock.

Swiftly, she pulled back covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry." The words were muffled but the tone extremely apologetic.

Sully laughed as he held out his hand to her. She readily accepted it and he led her further back in the loft where they both took a seat in the hay. The kiss began innocently enough. Sully leaned over, their lips meeting in a gentle caress. His hands were entwined in her hair as she leaned into him, encouraging him to continue. Michaela held onto his shoulder while the other hand lay stationary on his chest. Neither could later recall how they came to be splayed out in the hay. Michaela resting on her back with Sully's body half covering her own. The cold that had bit at their noses was chased off as their bodies warmed from the inside out. Michaela had never been more aware of the cadence of her own heartbeat as Sully unconsciously pressed against her. His lips left her mouth, scorching a trail down to her neck. She tilted her head back in the hay giggling partially at the sensation of Sully's lips and partially at the thought of how much hay would be in her hair when they were finished here.

Sully was completely caught up in the moment but Michaela's laughter gave him pause. He mentally started to evaluate his own physical state only to decide he was much more excited than he should be. Hastily, he pulled away from her and flopped down in the hay on his side. Michaela gave him an odd look at first but then it dawned on her why he had stopped. She couldn't help but smile at the sound of contentment or possibly frustration that escaped his mouth as his head sunk into the hay, his eyes closed momentarily. "This gets harder," he uttered his breathing still rather rapid.

"Yes," Michaela replied.

Sully rolled onto his stomach and hooked his leg over her own while throwing his left arm across her midsection. His hand came to rest just under her right breast which was a new sensation for Michaela. Feeling completely relaxed and comfortable, Sully began to speak. "I can't wait 'til you're my wife… well I can wait," he corrected, "but I'm … looking forward to us bein' married."

"Only for that," Michaela whispered feeling much more uncomfortable with the conversation than Sully.

Sully finally opened his eyes and looked at her. "Not just for that but… I ain't gonna lie and say I don't think about it. How about ya?" He felt her tense but she didn't lower her gaze. Conflicting emotions played out across her face as her head gave a brief nod.

"Ya don't have to be embarrassed."

"I know – it's that… well… it feels funny to talk about it."

Sully rose up a little so that he had a better view of her and noticed right away that she was chewing on the inside of her cheek. "You'd rather just do it?"

"Sully," she admonished making him smile widely. Propping his head up on his free hand, he simply laid there watching her as a moment of silence settled between them. Michaela was obviously in thought and he was curious to know exactly what she was thinking. Her head moved back and forth slightly as Michaela pondered whether to reveal her thoughts or keep them to herself. Moving her eyes up to the rafters so that she felt less pressure, she began. "I think about the mechanics of things."

"Mechanics?"

"Like where do noses go when you kiss."

"Ya think about where noses go when we kiss?" Sully asked perplexed by her thoughts.

"Not now… I mean I used to before….well before we had kissed." She looked at him now feeling a little more at ease. "Then I used to think about how a mouth opens during a kiss…"

"But ya know that too so what do ya wonder about now?"

"Other things," Michaela answered vaguely.

"Mechanics?" Sully playfully asked.

"Mechanics." Michaela affirmed with a shake of her head, unwilling to go into further details.

"Ya ain't gonna say anymore, are ya?" he asked his fingers lightly tickling her side. Michaela shook her head as she began to squirm. "Yeah - let's not talk anymore," he added, already forgetting the reason they had stopped a few moments ago. Before another word could escape her lips, he had covered them with his own. Her top lip was caught between his. Sensually his tongue moved over its length as Michaela once again lay amazed at the sensations he provoked in her.

Neither had heard the barn door open, their own thoughts only on each other. They were back far enough in the loft that the light change was subtle at best. Yet they were not back far enough that they couldn't be seen. Hearing low noises from above, Ida climbed the bottom rungs of the ladder until she could peek over the edge. The coats, the boots, the sweaters spread out over the hay painted the picture well enough but to actually see Sully's hand in its precarious position, the way he practically laid on top of her, their lips locked together sent her over the edge.

"Sully ya stop that right now!" she called out. Surprised by the sudden exclamation the two of them broke apart, looking over toward the ladder. "Come on and get down here," she ordered. Sully looked down at Michaela, both feeling compelled to follow Ida's command even though they were grown adults.

Yet Sully instantly regretted it for as soon as his feet hit the barn floor, Ida reached up and grabbed him by the ear. "Ya ain't gonna go carryin' on like that here. I knows ya ain't try nothin' like that in Boston." Sully's eyes grew large as he watched the anger surge across Ida's face. Michaela had now made her way to the bottom of the stairs but for the most part she was ignored. Ida began to pull Sully across the floor towards the door, tugging so hard on his ear that Sully was scowling in pain. "I ain't gonna put up with it. Don't think I can't turn ya over my knee just cause y'all grown up and engaged. Puttin' a ring on her finger don't mean ya get to do whatever ya like. We ain't gonna have any monkey business." By now they had reached the outside and Ida continued to pull him right along the dug out path between the back steps of the house and the barn. She never stopped lecturing him the whole way. Michaela followed behind them quite amused by the predicament Sully was in though she knew better than to show it.

Up the stairs they went and through the back door into the kitchen before she finally let go of his ear. Michaela silently closed the door behind her watching a perplexed John looking from one to the next wondering what in the world was going on. "Ida?" he asked as she was now simply muttering under her breath. "What's goin' on?"

"I'm gonna tell ya what's goin' on. Ya need to have a conversation with Sully 'bout how gentlemen act with a lady."

John snickered but stopped as soon as he caught the look in Ida's eye. "Now calm down, Ida. I think you're forgettin' that Sully and Michaela are adults." Ida made a tutting sound and pursed her lips up defiantly. "Ain't none of our business." Ida swallowed hard knowing he was right but not wanting to give in. She fixed her eyes on the table growing quiet as each eye turned to her. "Come on Sully… I could use your help fixing that loose board on the stairs." John waved him out of the room and Sully quickly followed looking up at Michaela who simply nodded at him.

When the men had left, Michaela finally spoke up. "I know how things looked… but I would never… it wasn't what you thought." Michaela wasn't sure what to expect. She had not been the object of Ida's wrath so far but she sensed that could change at any minute. Surprisingly, Ida moved towards her wrapping her arms warmly around her shoulders.

"Michaela there's an order to life. God made that order. Don't go thinkin' ya know better than him." Michaela buried her head in Ida's shoulder feeling the kind of comfort and compassion that she often longed for in her own mother. Elizabeth would have reacted similarly if she had found them together yet there was something different about Ida's words. Elizabeth would scold her for being improper. There would be a lecture about society and her place within it, about how she would bring shame to her family's good name and about what other people would think of her. Never once had her mother grounded it in such concrete moral terms as Ida managed to do in three simple sentences.

Michaela pulled back, smiling up into the dark face that met hers. "I won't," she promised.

Ida breathed a sigh of relief as a light laugh escaped her mouth. She let go of Michaela shaking her head. "Guess ya better go check on that poor boy's ear then," she said. "I don't know what came over me."

Michaela laughed and reached over to give Ida's hand a squeeze. "We both know you care about us… we understand that you want the best for us."

"I do," she said tears pooling in her eyes. "Child, I do."

* * *

_I am sorry it has been so long between updates. I needed to finish a short I was working on. Good news – Homecoming will be my sole interest now for at least the next few months. Yet I also need to concentrate on school as I have several research projects to complete. I am hoping to be able to write at least 2 chapters a week (and hopefully more). Things will calm down around Thanksgiving and then after finals, I will have a month off in which I really would like to finish this story… Thanks for your patience and continued support!! _


	83. Chapter 83

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty-three**

**Annapolis, Maryland – December 20, 1853**

Michaela tucked her arm through Sully's as they left the telegraph office and crossed the cobblestone street. The day was bitterly cold and the sky appeared as if more snow was on its way but neither dampened their spirits. For several days they hoped and prayed to spend Christmas in Maryland and now their prayers were answered. The storm which had blanketed Maryland in a couple feet of snow had only grown more intense as it moved up the coast. The train station in Baltimore had reopened but the only trains coming and going were locals from Washington DC. Philadelphia, New York and Boston were still closed until further notice. Michaela had taken great pleasure in sending the telegram to her mother and father. She wasn't even sure it would get to them but she tried nonetheless. The thought of how Elizabeth would react made her giddy with delight and Sully teased her about it as they walked along.

This was the first day they had ventured away from the house. John was the one who decided that sailing across the bay to Annapolis would be easier than sledging through snow to get into Cambridge. The edge of the river had a thin layer of ice but Sully and he had made short work of it, freeing the boat's hull in about half an hour. In the center of the river the current was strong and though they had to maneuver carefully in the river, the bay was smooth sailing. The prospect of leaving the house had excited each of them. It wasn't that they went to town often but somehow simply taking away the option made them feel trapped.

Ida had eased up a bit on Michaela and Sully, letting them venture off alone as she went to finish up some Christmas shopping. Michaela and Sully had each gone their own ways at first to shop as well, meeting up an hour later at the telegraph office. Now he carried her parcels tucked under one arm along with his own. They had decided to go together to purchase presents for Ida and John but first they had planned to stop for some lunch.

"What about there?" Michaela said pointing to a small tea shop that sat at the end of the square.

"Looks good to me," Sully replied shifting the packages. "This is rather heavy Michaela. What in the world did you buy?"

"You know I'm not going to tell you. It's your Christmas present."

"Oh… is that what we were supposed to be doing?" Sully asked innocently. Michaela narrowed her eyes and shook her head knowing he was simply giving her a hard time. They slipped inside the shop, shedding their outer vestments near a small alcove that was being used as a cloak room. Michaela slipped off her gloves and smiled when she uncovered the ring. Sully watched her admiring it and couldn't help but grin. There was something magical about the simple things – linking arms as they walked down the street, holding hands across the lunch table or even the sight of the ring in plain view of everyone.

After being shown to a table, Sully took leave of Michaela momentarily. It was during this absence that an unexpected person arrived. The front door of the shop opened letting in a blast of cold air while ringing a bell attached to the inside handle. Michaela looked up at the sound, her eyes instantly meeting his. William looked away and then back again, feeling as if his eyes might be deceiving him. Was it possible that Michaela Quinn was sitting in a tea shop in Annapolis? After a quiet word to his party, he hastily approached her table, the smile on his face growing broader by the moment.

"Michaela?" he asked the surprise still evident in his voice. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"I was in Cambridge visiting…. we came up for the day to do some shopping." Her reply was short as she hid her hands under the table, ever conscious of the ring on her finger and William's wandering eyes.

"Your father did mention something about that. I had forgotten. Are you dining alone? If you are, I would love to have you join my family for lunch."

"Thank you for the offer but I'm… actually here with Sully." Michaela knew her cheeks were flushed simply from the warmth radiating from them. Yet she felt powerless to stop the rush of blood to her cheeks.

"Will you make it back to Boston for Christmas?" he asked, watching to see where his family was seated.

"No, the railroad is closed down until further notice. The line between New York and Boston is apparently very bad."

"I suppose I was lucky to make it home before the storm started."

"Yes, I suppose you were," Michaela replied awkwardly trying her best to wish William away. William took no notice of this though, his own mind enraptured by her appearance. It was one thing to watch her dash up and down the halls of the hospital at her father's heels and quite another to see her dressed as she was today.

Stooping down, he pushed in close to her ear. "How is Marjorie?" he asked, his voice low and concerned.

"She is doing well."

"And was Everett happy about the baby?"

"Of course – why wouldn't he be?" Michaela furrowed her brow pushing her chair back a little to move away from William.

"I fear that something isn't right," he continued, paying no mind to Michaela's shifting about in the chair. "I'm concerned for you sister."

Michaela nodded. "Rebecca and I are as well but there has been such a change in Everett since Elise was born."

"That's good to hear," he said still remaining bent over her.

Sully returned to the table at that moment, his hands firmly gripping the back of his chair as he observed the scene before him. "William," he said extending his hand in greeting so that the young doctor had to stand up.

"Sully… I was just telling Michaela that it such a surprise to see the two of you here." He moved away from Michaela as he spoke. William knew full well that at one time there had been a definite relationship between the two of them and he couldn't help but wonder if that was still the case.

"I'm sure," Sully replied pulling his chair out so that he could sit down.

"I guess I really should get back to my family."

"It was good to see you William," Michaela said. William extended his hand but Michaela only bowed her head low pretending to look over the menu in front of her.

"Have a nice lunch," Sully said as William turned away.

"Yes, you as well." With that he walked across the room to join his family, casting them one more glance over his shoulder before sitting down.

"What was all that about?" Sully asked casting another suspicious look in his direction.

Michaela shook her head. "He's worried about Marjorie. Either he's still in love with her or he's worse than my sisters about having to know other people's business." Michaela laughed as she said this and expected to hear Sully join in. When he didn't, she looked over at him. "Sully?"

"Hmm," he said turning back from William's direction.

"You aren't jealous are you?"

"I don't care for how he was lookin' at ya." Sully turned his face down to the menu as he spoke, refusing to look at Michaela just yet.

"You have nothing to worry about. I still think he is the most annoying person I have ever met." She paused, waiting for him to look at her. Finally he raised his eyes and she immediately felt lost in the blue. "Besides I said yes to you." She brought her hand up from below the table, her finger reaching over to tap the ring.

Sully finally relaxed a little; a smile finally forming on his lips. "You get jealous too," he pointed out reaching across to take her hand, unaware of how closely William watched them from the corner of the room.

"When have I been jealous?"

Sully laughed back in his throat but pressed his lips together tightly as he observed her. "Sarah," he simply said.

"I wasn't jealous," she defended adamantly. Sully sat silent, his eyes riveted to her face making her nervous. "I wasn't!" Now Sully raised his eyebrows as he continued to put on the pressure. "Well maybe a little… but who can blame me – she's beautiful. Don't you think so?"

"I didn't notice," he replied casually, feeling a little smug at Michaela's admission.

"Right… my father's a married man and even his head turns when a pretty girl walks in the room and you're trying to tell me you didn't notice." There conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their waitress but Michaela continued to regard Sully suspiciously. Even the waitress felt the slight tension and she quickly took their order and left them to carry on their conversation. Michaela wasted no time in finishing her previous thoughts. "My father says there is no harm in looking."

"What does your mother say?"

"She doesn't like it," Michaela admitted. "But remember we are talking about Elizabeth."

Sully let out a little chuckle and nodded his head. "My mother used to say that the eyes lead the heart."

"What does that mean?" Michaela unconsciously leaned in closer. Across the room, William shifted in his chair to get a better view.

"She used to say it 'bout money. I'd wanna go look in the windows of shops. She'd say that if I kept lookin' my heart would want it… and that she wanted me to learn that life was 'bout more than money and things."

"So if you look at girls, your heart will follow?"

"If ya look at a girl like William was lookin' at ya."

"Or like Sarah was lookin' at ya," Michaela imitated him.

Sully rolled his eyes and laughed. "You're impossible," he remarked playfully. Then in a decisive manner, he pulled her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles.

"William," Michaela whispered out under her breath reminding him that they weren't alone.

"I don't care," Sully whispered back. "He already knows and I want to make sure he doesn't forget." Michaela shook her head but smiled as the waitress returned with their drinks.

**

* * *

Boston, 1858**

Michaela stood with her face pressed against the cool glass wishing she could dissolve into the wall. The thought of having to admit her own irrational behavior was too much right now. She could feel his approach even without being able to see it and so it was no surprise when she felt his hand wrap around her waist. "What's a matter?" he whispered against her ear.

"Nothing," she lied. "I'm just warm, that's all."

Laying his other hand against her shoulder, he turned her so that he could see her face. "What's wrong?" he asked again, his eyes piercing her thoughts.

"I saw you," she whispered dropping her head so that her chin touched her chest.

"Ya saw me what?"

"With Sarah." Her voice was low and Sully strained to make it out. "I saw you hug her."

Sully slipped a finger under her chin and forced her head up. "Michaela, "he breathed out, his voice full of a hidden sorrow. "I told ya before… I ain't interested in Sarah. I hugged her 'cause she has some good news to share with ya…. with both of us. She was lookin' for ya when she found me."

Michaela narrowed her eyes as she considered what he was saying. "But still…"

"Michaela, she's your best friend. Do ya really think either of us would do that to ya?"

Quickly she closed the distance between them, hugging him tightly. "No," she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I don't think that. I don't know what's wrong with me… I can't seem to stop myself from thinking these horrible things."

"Everything's gonna be fine," Sully soothed rocking her lightly back and forth in his arms. He wanted her to believe that they could make this work; that everything would be okay but right now he was having a hard time convincing himself.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - December 24, 1853**

Michaela stretched out in Anna's bed feeling content – more content than she could ever remember feeling in her young life. Early this morning John had cut down their Christmas tree and with Sully's help wrestled it into the morning room. Later in the afternoon, Sully and Michaela had decorated it with plenty of hot chocolate breaks in between. Ida had planned a special evening meal and they ate in the formal dining room instead of the kitchen. John had produced a bottle of what he called Christmas cheer and had insisted that everyone have some. Neither Michaela nor Sully was used to drinking alcohol. Sully seemed barely affected by his two glasses but Michaela had not faired as well. Her cheeks were rosy and a warm feeling starting in her stomach had spread rapidly throughout her body.

Even now as she snuggled down under the covers, she could still feel the effects of the drink and she giggled to herself. A light tap at her bedroom door caught her attention and she knew immediately who it was. Quickly she crossed the room, joy bubbling up inside of her. Just as she had suspected, Sully was her late night visitor. She hastily pulled him into the room paying no mind to the fact that she was clad only in her nightgown while he was still fully dressed. "You're going to get us in trouble," she teased as she bounded back across the floor to sit on the edge of her bed.

"I know," Sully replied. "I ain't gonna stay long… just had an early Christmas present for ya."

Michaela beamed from ear to ear. "But it's not Christmas yet."

"Will be soon enough." He stood in front of her fighting the urge to let his eyes leave her face. "I can come back in ten minutes if ya want."

"No," she giggled. "We'll pretend its Christmas now."

Sully took a deep breath and produced a flat wrapped package from behind his back. "I know I could've given ya this in front of Ida and John but I think I'd like it to be our secret for a little while." Michaela glanced up at him and noticed how nervous he looked. His words had only served to mystify her and she couldn't help but tremble as she held out her hand to receive the present. The package was light but she knew it was something important simply from the way Sully was acting.

Giving a gentle tug at the ribbon, she watched as the red silk slipped through her fingers. There was something delicious about the anticipation and she enjoyed drawing it out. Her mind was busy trying desperately to think what might be contained inside this small package. Sully watched eagerly but found it hard not to reach over and open it for her. She seemed to be moving in slow motion. Finally her fingers caught the paper in between them and in one fluid motion she slipped it off so that now she held an envelope in her hand. She looked up at Sully questioningly.

"Go on – open it," he encouraged, clenching his hands once more in nervous excitement.

Michaela slipped her fingers under the flap and ripped the top open. Moving a little faster now, she reached in and pulled out the piece of paper contained inside. It was hard to make out in the dim room but Sully was already working to relight the lamp as if he had read her mind. Michaela's eyes flew over the document and her breath caught in her throat. "Is this a land title?" she asked in a low voice that Sully found hard to read.

He sat down beside her on the bed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "It's a title to our land," he whispered against her ear.

"Our land…" she repeated, her voice now sounding far away and dreamy. She snuggled into his embrace still not quite grasping what he was telling her. "Out west?"

"Yes," Sully replied lifting her chin so that he could see her properly. Yet her face was blank, her eyes slightly out of focus. "Our land… where I'm gonna build us a house… where we're gonna live." With these words her mind finally grasped what he was trying desperately to tell her. Pressing her face against Sully's shoulder, she let out a muffled squeal. Sully relaxed at her response; his fears fading rapidly.

"Oh Sully," she whispered looking up into her face. "You bought that land that you told me about?" Sully nodded, his eyes sparkling bright in the lamplight. "But it might still be awhile… I still haven't been accepted to medical school."

"Sh, sh… that doesn't matter. That'll give me lots of time to save up money for some nice furniture for ya. 'Sides it's gonna take me awhile to build our house."

"Our house." She let the words roll off her tongue as she grew accustomed to those particular two words juxtaposed together. The sound was melodious and she couldn't help repeating it again. "Our house," she giggled now leaning back against Sully. "Our house with our kitchen and our sitting room and our bedroom…"

Sully couldn't see her face but he was certain that she had blushed after speaking this last word, for she had suddenly gone quiet. He softly stroked her arm, as his own thoughts became more aware of her presence beside him. Only a cotton nightgown separated his flesh from hers. This thought captivated him momentarily and he fought against the urges that stirred within him; to hold her close without layers of clothing in the way, to feel her soft curves pressed up against him. Sully let out a shaky breath and buried his head in her hair, knowing he should leave but finding it hard to actually do it. "I should go," he whispered, his voice ripe with desire.

Michaela shivered as his words washed over her, scattering her own thoughts as she also realized their precarious situation. The alcohol she had imbibed earlier along with the recent present was suppressing her better judgment. Instead of moving away, she raised her hand to stroke his cheek. Sully turned his head catching her hand against his shoulder as he pressed light kisses to the soft skin of her palm. Michaela pulled her hand slowly away so that Sully's kisses worked their way down to her fingertips. Moistening her lips, Michaela watched feeling the heat rising between them at this simple action. Boldly she used her pointer finger to part his lips and he eagerly accepted it into his mouth, suckling gently on the sweetness. The fire that started in the tip of her finger raced through her body, scorching her veins and leaving her breathless. "You should go," she whispered repeating his earlier statement. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and she was positive Sully could hear the drumming of her heart.

Sully let go of her and nodded, quickly rising to cross the floor before anything happened that shouldn't. Michaela followed him to the door. "Wait – umm.." She felt flustered but she wanted to thank him, to kiss him, to let him know how much she loved his present. "I want to thank you," she whispered, her hands already encircling his neck. Their lips met quickly in a heated kiss that both knew shouldn't continue. Michaela soon found herself pressed up against the door, Sully's body pushing into hers.

Sully could feel each curve of her beautiful body. Tossing caution aside he ran his hand down her side until it settled on her thigh. Michaela gasped at the sensation but deepened the kiss wanting to prolong this intimate contact a few more minutes as she tried to ignore Ida's voice in the back of her head. At that moment, a vase fell from the dresser on the far side of the room. It shattered on the floor making enough noise to wake the house. Hastily, they broke apart each shaken by the loud noise. "What was that?" Sully asked turning around.

Michaela couldn't help but giggle. "Ben," she laughed.

Sully joined his laughter with her own as he turned to her. "We should tell Ida someone else is watchin' over us now." Reluctantly, he placed his hand upon the knob. "I'd stay to help you clean that up but…"

Michaela laid her finger across his lips and smiled widely. "No, you better go." He nodded before slipping silently from the room just as the clock downstairs chimed midnight.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Michaela walked to the top of the stairs, the silk of the exquisite gown clinging to each curve of her body. The pins had been removed completely from her hair so that is hung down her back in long tendrils, framing her face. She didn't know that Sully stood at the bottom of the stairs contemplating whether to go to her. Yet when she arrived at her destination, she caught sight of him – shirtless, alone in the firelight.

Sully looked up when he heard the soft rustle from above, his breath catching in his throat at what he saw. Was this some vision sent to torture him or was she really there? Lifting his hand to rub at his eyes, he was sure she would disappear, a simple figment of his imagination. Again he turned his head up to the top of the stairs; the vision was still present. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Sully lowered his to take in the fullness of her form. "Michaeala?" he asked still unwilling to trust himself.

Hearing him speak her name aloud was her undoing. Slowly she began to walk down the stairs moving ever closer to where he stood. The din from outside grew louder momentarily making her smile. "They think…."

"I know," Sully whispered as she stopped two steps shy of him. The edge of his lips curled. "It's funny, isn't it?"

Michaela blushed. "Why are they doing that?"

"Shivaree - it's an old tradition. They think it's funny to keep newlyweds apart on their wedding night."

"Hmm.. guess they didn't know we could handle that part ourselves," Michaela laughed, finding the whole situation rather ironic. Sully joined in with her laughter until they were both rather breathless. No longer did anger or hurt exist between them. The tension was broken thoroughly by their laughter. He looked up at her questioningly before taking one step up so that now her face was only inches above his. One hand went to her waist where his fingers ran over the smoothness of the material making Michaela shiver in anticipation. "Mr. Sully," she whispered, suddenly feeling herself lost in the blue of his eyes.

"Yes?" His voice had changed slightly and she recognized the desire in his tone.

"Our bedroom… is lonely without you," she teased. Sully chuckled and with one motion, he swept her up in his arms. Michaela encircled his neck as he began to ascend the stairs.

"Our bedroom," he repeated as the two words went from being some foreign notion to reality.

* * *

**Boston – December 28, 1853**

She should have known when the table had been set for dinner and he still wasn't home. Yet she hadn't despaired just then. She knew Everett was upset about something that had happened at work and though she worried that this would send him running to his old self-destructive behavior, all she could do was hope that thoughts of Elise would prevent it. Marjorie continued on with her routine as normal. After dinner, she gave Elise her bath and then dressed her for bed. She nursed her longer than usual that night, as her heart began to grow more and more troubled. Elise was her only comfort and she wanted to hold her tightly. The baby had been asleep for awhile and Marjorie finally laid her down and went to bed herself. Sleep did not come to her though and she listened intently for any sound that Everett was home.

At some point she must have drifted off because she was awoken by a cold hand upon her thigh insistently pushing her nightgown higher. "Everett?" she asked sitting up suddenly. The stench of alcohol and cigar smoke clung to him and Marjorie's heart fell.

Everett leaned in to kiss her and Marjorie allowed it albeit reluctantly. His hands began to move down her body and she instantly froze. "We can't," she whispered.

"Why the hell not?" he demanded already pushing her back on the bed.

"It's too soon." Her voice was soft and her head down as she tried hard to remain calm.

"Well that's a nice welcome home," he said getting out of bed. "Do you hear that Elise? Your mother says it's too soon. Bet she wouldn't say that if I was William Burke." His voice was loud as he stepped closer and closer to the baby's cradle. Marjorie jumped up and ran over to stand protectively in front of Elise who was already stirring from all the commotion.

"Shh.. you'll wake her," Marjorie warned but Everett paid her no heed.

"Move out of the way. I want to see my daughter." He shoved her roughly to the side and Marjorie felt her fears return tenfold. "Ya know what," he said turning back towards Marjorie. "I don't think she is my daughter. Don't look a damn thing like me."

"Of course she does," Marjorie protested now anxiously trying to work her way past Everett to the baby.

"She looks like you- all that damn red hair!"

Elise was crying loudly now and Marjorie threw caution to the wind and pushed past Everett to pick her up. Quickly she moved out of his reach, heading for the door of the bedroom. "She has your nose and chin," Marjorie whispered trying to calm the baby who squalled loudly against her mother's shoulder. Her hands protectively gripped her daughter to herself, shielding her from the person who was supposed to love her.

"Are you playing me for a fool Marjorie. That baby looks just like William Burke."

An uncertain rage flew into Marjorie as Everett leveled his unfounded accusations. "She's your daughter," she cried out upsetting Elise even more. "I've never been with another man."

Everett laughed, the sound cold and callous. "Doesn't matter anyway if she's mine or not. I want an heir – someone to carry on the family name." Marjorie cut her eyes over at him watching the way he raised his nose in the air – haughty and proud. "I'll know the next one is mine." Marjorie wasn't sure what he meant by that last line but she had a feeling it wouldn't be good news as far as she was concerned. She watched as Everett started to move towards the bed. "Put the baby down and get over here."

"I need to nurse her. She won't go back to sleep unless I nurse her."

"Then get on with it," Everett screamed. Marjorie quickly scuttled to the rocking chair, unbuttoning her gown. Elise calmed as soon as Marjorie lifted the baby to her breast. It wasn't long before the little girl was peacefully sleeping against her and thankfully it appeared that Everett had passed out as well. She laid Elise down in the cradle and then retrieved a pillow and blanket to make her own bed on the floor. She situated herself in front of Elise. Her sleep was light that night when it came at all. Again she vowed that Everett would never hurt this baby, her daughter.

The thought of being pregnant with his child once again repulsed her and she silently prayed that God would make her barren. Little did she know that this time next year, she would once again be nursing an infant.

* * *

**Baltimore, Maryland – December 29, 1853**

1The train platform was crowded with people pushing and jostling each other. The railroad had been incapacitated by the snow for longer than anyone had suspected and now everyone was vying for tickets to all points north. Michaela and Sully were lucky to get two of the last available seats on the train. They huddled together with Ida and John, this departure made harder by the fact that Sully would be leaving straight from New York to travel to St. Louis.

"Don't forget to write," Ida reminded Michaela as she pressed the young woman to her chest.

"I never forget." Michaela gasped for air as Ida squeezed her tighter.

"Ida you're chokin' her," John exclaimed as he released Sully from a hug as well.

Ida let go, tears streaming down her face. "I don't know what's wrong wit' me today." She produced a handkerchief from her pocket and hastily wiped at the tears. "It's been so nice havin' y'all at the house... it's always so quiet when ya leave."

John wrapped an arm around her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. "I'll try and make some extra noise," he said trying to make her laugh. Ida simply shook her head and continued to dab at her cheeks.

"All aboard!" The conductor exclaimed loudly as Sully reached for Michaela's hand.

Michaela let out a shaky breath and reached down to pick up her bag. "We'll try to visit next summer," she promised feeling her own tears close to the surface.

Ida began to cry harder so John answered for her. "That'd be real nice."

"We better go," Sully said gently pulling on Michaela's hand. She nodded and they made their way through the crowd to board the train. From the door, Michaela looked back once more letting go of Sully's hand in order to wave before the crowd pressed her forward.

There were no free compartments on the train which wasn't a surprise but it made this leg of their trip even harder. These were there last few moments alone and they were forced to spend them with complete strangers. Near the back of the train, they stumbled upon a compartment with an older gentleman already asleep on the seat and a younger man who sat reading the newspaper. They settled themselves here, Michaela sitting near the wall while Sully situated their bags in the overhead rack. He took his seat and Michaela immediately reached for his hand urging him closer.

The train lurched forward causing Michaela to tense. Tilting her head to the side, she rested it against Sully's shoulder not carrying what the other passengers thought. With each minute that passed her heart grew heavier and she couldn't seem to stop the tears that occasionally leaked from one of her eyes falling to her dress below. Sully tried to soothe her, stroking her hand with his - whispering affirmations of love in her ear. Somewhere outside of Philadelphia, the young man left the compartment and Sully took the opportunity to embrace her as he wanted to. Michaela quickly moved into his arms as now the tears started in earnest. "Sh... sh... why all the tears?" Sully asked gently.

"This gets harder too," she breathed out, her voice heavy with grief. "I can't help but wonder..."

"What?"

"Well... maybe I should... maybe give up medical school. We could be married and go west right away?" Her voice was unsure, her face streaked with tears making Sully's heart feel as if it was breaking.

"No, Michaela. I know this is hard but once you get back to Boston... once you get back into your old routine... you'll see we can do this. Besides ya can't just give up on your dream. Ya'd only regret it and end up hating me."

"You're right," she conceded breathing in deeply. "It's only that it feels like everything is coming together... that our life is ready to start but I'm the one holding us back."

"No," Sully assured her. "You'll get into a school soon... and then before ya know it you'll graduate and we'll be married..." She nodded weakly and lifted her head up to kiss him, grateful for his willingness to wait for her. Sully deepened the kiss and for a few stolen moments they found comfort in their physical connection, knowing soon they would have to say good-bye.


	84. Chapter 84

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty- four**

**Colorado Springs – January 23, 1854**

The last rays of sunlight spilled over the mountain peaks, illuminating the sky in breathtaking shades of pink and orange. Winter still had a fierce grasp on the land and a cold wind blew from the south increasing the bite of the air. Sully emerged from the mine, his arms and legs stiff from the cold. Being underground for most of the day he was shielded from the fierce wind that now blew. His coat seemed to offer little protection and he quickly crossed the clearing to the wooden structure where they normally took their meals in winter. He was the last one out of the mine today as he was most days, choosing to stay busy so that he would have less time to miss Michaela. Upon entering the dwelling, he crossed directly to the fire and removed his leather gloves. Stooping down, he watched the flames lick at the logs as he placed his hands directly over them, the feeling slowly returned to each finger. Physically he was in Colorado but mentally he was with Michaela – wondering what she was doing at this very moment. His thoughts so preoccupied him that he didn't hear Daniel's approach.

"Ya got mail," Daniel said stopping directly behind him. Daniel's voice startled Sully causing him to fall backwards bumping into his friend. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya," Daniel offered apologetically.

"It's my own fault. Not payin' attention." Daniel nodded still holding the letters in his hand. Sully turned towards him and stood waiting to be handed his mail. Daniel was distracted though, staring at the flames of the fire instead of paying attention to Sully's outstretched hand. "Daniel?"

"Oh here," he said hastily thrusting the letters forward as he stirred from his silent reverie. He let out a loud sigh and watched as Sully thumbed through the stack of envelopes. "Got some from Michaela?" Sully nodded. "Are they all from Michaela?" he asked, his voice thick with something akin to jealousy.

"Nah… got one from Josef and one from Ida and John." Daniel nodded but his eyes were once again fixed on the fire. Sully could tell something was bothering him, and though reading Michaela's letters was his first priority, he couldn't leave Daniel like this. "Somethin' wrong?" he asked resignedly.

"Not really," Daniel answered, shrugging his shoulders before quickly letting them droop again. "Just wonderin… I had such a good time when I went to Boston with ya last time… I'd kinda like to go again." He hastily looked down at the floor as he spoke, nervously shuffling his feet.

Sully smiled over at him. "Ya should come them."

"I wouldn't wanna be a bother"

"Wouldn't be a bother. We can stay at Marjorie's again. Michaela'd love to see ya I'm sure." Sully had spoken this last line begrudgingly but Daniel hadn't noticed. At the sound of Michaela's name he became glassy-eyed. Sully saw this as his chance to duck out of the conversation. "Think I'll go read these." His voice was intentionally soft as he stepped away from Daniel and headed over towards the far end of the room to sit in an empty chair near the corner. The distance from the fire made this part of the room cooler but Sully didn't mind. The cold ensured him privacy while he enjoyed his letters.

He arranged the letters in order by postdate with Michaela's taking priority over the others. Normally, he would have saved her letters – allowing himself to open only one a day. In this manner they usually lasted until the next mail shipment arrived. Today he knew he would not have that sort of self control. For the entire day, his dream from the previous night had lingered in the corners of his mind threatening to crash upon him at any unwary moment. He had been on guard all day against that happening but now that work was over, now that he could hide away – it would be even harder not to let emotion sweep over him as his heart filled with her memory. Taking the first letter from the stack, he set the others on his lap and turned his chair towards the wall. It never ceased to amaze him that one glimpse of her precise handwriting on the envelope could move him. Today was no exception as he slowly traced out his name, written in her hand. Already his heart beat wildly inside of his chest and his palms grew sweaty despite the lingering cold. Patience left him entirely and he turned the envelope over, ripping it open to spill the contents on his lap. He unfolded the sheet contained within and began to read.

_January 6, 1854_

_Sully,_

_Now that school has started back once again, I find that your words are truer than ever. It is harder to miss you when I am busy or it may simply be that I keep myself busy so that I won't miss you. I am trying to be strong and constantly remind myself that very soon we will be together for the rest of our lives. My favorite time of day is when I am asleep for you often visit my dreams. Yet sometimes I wake in the middle only to remember that you are not here and at that moment it is hard for me not to cry. It's at those moments that I reach for Byron and stroke his soft fur. He helps to chase off the tears somewhat. Mother said that the next time I go away I have to take him with me as he whined incessantly at my bedroom door while we were in Cambridge. _

_There is an abolitionist rally in March and I have been asked to speak. This will keep me very busy as a large crowd will be present at this gathering. I have felt for sometime that I wanted to share what I witnessed that day at the Brooks' farm when we were only children but have always restrained myself. It only occurred to me the other day that not even Father knows about that day. Of course recently I find myself asking if Father really knows me at all. The only thing in my life that I think he cares about is my pursuit of medical school. I am worried about his response when we finally tell him about us. On your next visit home, we have to start to show our interest in each other so that it does not come as a complete shock to him. _

_I do hope all is well with you in Colorado. Tell Daniel I said hello. I know you will be back in the summer but I was wondering if you knew when. Can you tell I am already counting down the days until you return?_

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

* * *

**Boston- February 16, 1854**

"Thank you, Harrison," Michaela said as she took off her gloves and cloak and handed them to him. With a slight bow, he left her standing in the foyer contemplating her next move. There had been no mail from Sully for a few days and she was hoping that today there would be a letter from him. Yet her fear of being disappointed once again, held her back from actually checking. She stood lost in thought, moved only when she felt two small paws on her legs. Looking down, she smiled at the dog and leaned over to pat his head. "I'm being silly, aren't I Byron? Waiting isn't going to make a letter materialize." The beagle simply cocked his head to one side and regarded her quizzically. Michaela shook her head and smiled.

Decisively, she crossed to her father's library with the dog at her heels. Without knocking, she entered surprised to see her father sitting behind his desk. He looked up at her and smiled warmly. "Sorry," Michaela apologized. "I didn't know you were home or I would have knocked."

"No need to knock – I dare say one day we will share this library even more so then we do now. Michaela raised her brow at him questioningly as her eyes searched the corner of his desk for any sign of a letter for her. "Once you are practicing medicine with me that is," he added.

Michaela grimaced at his words and let out a little sigh. Should she say something to amend this statement or simply let it be? Taking a deep breath, she approached the desk and stopped in front of him. "I would love to practice medicine with you, Father, but there is always the possibility that I may be hired elsewhere. Maybe outside of Boston."

Josef rose from his desk and joined his daughter on the other side, wrapping his arm lovingly around her. "I know… and I don't want you to feel discouraged but I do think you have quite a fight ahead of you. Look how difficult it has been for us to find a medical school that will accept you."

Michaela nodded albeit hesitantly. "I know," she whispered, her doubts about how long Sully was willing to wait rising to the surface. Her eyes immediately pooled with tears and she felt unable to stop the wave of emotion that was threatening to break.

"Oh Michaela… I didn't mean to upset you. We will find a school for you even if we have to broaden the search to Europe. I promised you when you were only four years old that I would find a way for you to be a doctor. I intend to keep that promise." Michaela gave a slight nod of her head and cast her eyes down towards the floor. While it was true that not getting into medical school simply because she was a woman was upsetting, her father didn't understand the real reason behind her tears. He needed to understand; she knew that. He would need to get used to the idea – to loose his fanciful notions that she would be forever at his side. Soon…soon her and Sully would tell him.

"Did I get any mail today?" Michaela asked weakly trying to change the subject while at the same time hoping to receive the one item that would brighten her day.

Josef turned and reached back across the desk towards the pile of letters. Casually, he flipped through them and gave a small shake of his head. "Nothing for you today," he said cheerfully. The tone of his voice irritated Michaela who was now disappointed that another day had passed without a letter from Sully. The mail was so unpredictable that at times she would receive three or four of his letters at once and then have to wait a week or more for another one.

"Think I'll go read before dinner," she mumbled. Her shoulders drooped low as she walked slowly but deliberately towards the door. If Josef had bothered to notice, he would have realized that Michaela was still upset but he had already started back around his desk to take his seat. A glimpse of white on the floor boards caught his attention as the library door closed. He reached down and picked it up, then rose quickly.

"Michaela," he called following the sound of her footprints up the stairs. She turned to face him, a dejected look on her face, Byron in her arms. "You did get a letter – it must have fallen down behind my desk earlier. Looks like it's from Sully."

With a renewed vigor in her step, Michaela hastily descended the stairs trying not to seem too eager. Swiftly she set Byron down on the step and opened her hand to receive the letter, her heart soaring in anticipation. "Thanks," she whispered as she leaned in to give her father a brief hug. Quickly, she turned, practically running up the stairs to her bedroom. Byron only managed to squeeze in the door before she quickly shut it again. Anxiously she chewed on her bottom lip as her fingers worked to open the letter. Her heart was beating wildly in anticipation as if Sully might materialize right before her. Obviously he wouldn't but in another way, he did. She had always thought words were powerful but never had she realized quite how powerful before now. Sully came alive for her when she read his letters as if he was standing right beside her, whispering his thoughts in her ear.

_January 24, 1854_

_Michaela,_

_I am hoping that this letter reaches you on Valentine's Day or your birthday– that is my intention though I know the chance of that happening is very slim. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate these special days. Once we are married, I will never let one pass without remembering it in some special way just to make up for all of this time we have been apart. I found this poem in one of the poetry books you gave me for Christmas. It's by Lord Byron (and I still don't think the similarity in our names is funny). It reminded me of you as he describes someone of matchless beauty. _

_She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:  
Thus mellowed to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies._

_One shade the more, one ray the less,  
Had half impaired the nameless grace  
Which waves in every raven tress,  
Or softly lightens o'er her face;  
Where thoughts serenely sweet express  
How pure, how dear their dwelling place._

_And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,  
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
But tell of days in goodness spent,  
A mind at peace with all below,  
A heart whose love is innocent!_

_If I could be there with you, this is what I would read to you. We would sneak away to the Common and enjoy a few stolen moments together. I really miss you!! _

_I agree that we need to let your parents begin to see our relationship as it really is and I look forward to the day when I can hold your hand in public. It occurred to me the other day though that it is strange that your father hasn't noticed anything before now. This worries me. Do you think he will be upset with us? I am afraid he might be especially when I think about the way he reacted that evening to Marjorie and Paul. Will we tell him how long we've been together? Or that we are engaged? I don't know that we should- at least not quite yet. What do you think?_

_How is your speech for the abolition rally coming? I wish I could be there to hear you give it but I know you will be great. By the way, Daniel says hello and has already asked to come with me the next time I return to Boston. I suppose I better tell him about us before then. My plan is to come to Boston sometime in July but I may not be able to stay away that long. I love you and miss you terribly!! _

_All my love,_

_Sully (Lord Byron)_

* * *

**Boston – March 20, 1854**

Marjorie looked once more in the mirror, smoothing the front of her dress with one hand while fixing her broach with the other. She hadn't been out of the house in ages and she was looking forward to attending the abolition rally to hear Michaela speak. Normally, she wouldn't have gone in for this sort of affair but her desire to be out in public was so great that she didn't care where she went. Everett had been reluctant to let her leave the house and though he always acted as if it had something to do with her or Elise's fragile condition, Marjorie knew otherwise. The words still haunted her dreams at night – "I'll know the next one is mine!" She knew the first time she heard those words that they meant trouble and she had been right. No visitors were allowed besides an approved list that Everett had given to the housekeeper and he left strict instructions that Marjorie was not to leave. After the incident at Christmas, he had quickly fallen into his old routines – often starting the morning with a drink so that by the time he returned home in the evening he was in quite a state.

Yet this morning she was hopeful; he had told her she could go but if he remembered that it would be a miracle. Walking over to the crib, she smiled down at Elise. "Well don't you look beautiful today," she cooed while straightening the bonnet she had placed on the baby's head. "Today is going to be special – it's your first day out and about. You will even get to hear your Aunt Michaela speak." Marjorie picked up her daughter and held her close as she continued to talk to her.

She often craved real conversation but she had learned to make do by talking to Elise. Still she longed for her mother or sister's visits for the simple reason that they could respond to her statements. Never had she dreamed how much she would relish adult conversation until now. With one final look in the mirror, she crossed to the door and tentatively stepped through. It felt odd to actually be leaving the house but quite wonderful all at the same time. She walked soundlessly down the steps and had just placed her hand on the front doorknob when Everett's voice called to her.

"Marjorie, where are you going?" he asked. She could tell by the wild look in his eyes that he had been drinking.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him keeping her voice even and void of emotion. "Michaela is speaking at the abolition rally today. You said I could go – my family will be here soon to pick me up."

"You aren't going anywhere – especially not to some women's rally!"

"It's not a women's rally Everett – it's an abolition rally." She knew that talking back to him would only serve to make him angry but it was hard to refrain at moments like this.

"Call it what you like – you aren't going! I know your sister; parading around with all those women… wanting the vote… thinking she's better than men! I won't allow her to fill your head with that nonsense of hers!" Everett's voice was growing louder and louder as he spoke and it was beginning to agitate the baby.

"My parents will be here soon," she whispered as a last ditch effort, hoping that Everett might back down if he thought that he would have to explain himself to Josef and Elizabeth.

She was wrong though; he didn't care in the least. He grabbed her by the bun on the back of her head and pulled her backwards so that his mouth was pressed up against her ear. "Until you're pregnant with my child, you're not leaving this house! I refuse to raise someone else's son – to have some other man's son inherit my family's fortune." Marjorie winced in pain as he pulled back on her hair once more. "Go put the baby down." His voice was low and menacing causing Marjorie's knees to grow weak.

Everett let go of her hair and she quickly walked to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. Once inside her room, she stood at the door and listened, praying that Elizabeth or Josef might insist that she accompany them or insist to see her. Yet her hopes were quickly dashed. It was only seconds between the knock on the front door and the sound of it closing. With that door, her chance to leave was gone and with it her hope. Inwardly, Marjorie cringed and sunk to the floor still holding Elise to her chest. Fear rose up inside of her when she heard his feet on the stairs.

"I told you to put the baby down!" he screamed from the doorway. Marjorie hastily rose and complied with his wishes. She stood over the crib removing the little white bonnet she had so lovingly tied on moments before when she felt his hand on her upper arm. Forcefully, he turned her around kissing her hard on the lips. Marjorie tensed and pulled away from him.

"Please wait until I get her down for a nap," she begged, hoping that Everett might pass out before then.

Everett paid her no mind though. Practically dragging her across the room, he pushed her down on the bed. "Shut up whore! You aren't denying me what I have a right to!" Marjorie swallowed hard and then allowed herself to go completely limp. She found it easiest this way. Fighting him wasn't an option and so she drifted, letting her mind retreat into some private place while Everett had his way with her. While months before, she had prayed to never conceive again, now she prayed just the opposite. For it might be the only way she would see the outside world again. Little did she know, she was already two weeks pregnant with Everett's only son.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 18, 1854**

_Sully,_

_I have such exciting news. You will never guess who I saw at the abolition rally. I had just stood up to speak and I let my eyes run over the audience. I blinked a couple of times when I saw her, surprised that she was there. It was Sarah, the conductor we met at Christmas. After the rally, Sarah and I talked for hours. Mother was so angry when I finally made it home because I had worried her so. It's hard to believe that Sarah and I didn't get along when we first met as we now have spent two consecutive afternoons in each other's company. At first I think Mother was overjoyed that I had actually made friends with another woman but when she met Sarah she was rather cool towards her. I am sure she is not up to Mother's standards for who I should be socializing with. Of course I don't care what Mother thinks especially considering that Father seems to adore Sarah. She has asked about you and I explained our situation so that she wouldn't accidentally say something about us in front of mother or father – though maybe that would be an easier way to tell them. _

_I have been thinking about the Daniel situation and I think I have a solution. If you tell him about us before you come to Boston, he probably won't want to come with you. Not that I don't like Daniel but if you can only stay for a short while, I prefer to spend every minute I can alone with you. I better go now. I am meeting Sarah at the library this afternoon to work on another speech for an upcoming meeting. I love you so much and I miss you terribly as always. _

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

"Another letter from Michaela?"

Sully jumped and crushed the letter to his chest at the sound of Daniel's voice. He nodded fervently as he worried that Daniel might have seen his own name written on the page. Daniel had approached him from behind after all. Well maybe it would be for the better if he saw his own name on the page. Michaela was right; Sully needed to tell him and there was no time like the present. "Ah… Daniel… about going to Boston…" Sully began, standing now so that he was even with Daniel.

"Sully I really can't thank you enough for sayin' I could go," Daniel interrupted. "It's so nice feelin' like you're part of a family."

Sully took a deep breath and held his tongue as Daniel spoke. Hearing his words was hard; Sully knew Daniel had never really had much of a family life. Though it became harder and harder for Sully to think of the Quinns as his own family, there was no denying that for a short period he had been welcomed into their family. He had felt loved by Josef and still did. For Daniel, this trip wasn't wasn't simply about Michaela. "When do ya think ya'd like to go?" Sully asked.

"Anytime this summer would work for me," he replied eagerly. "I can't wait to see Michaela again." He paused after speaking her name. Daniel wanted to ask Sully if he thought that Michaela could possibly be interested in him but he couldn't work up the nerve. "Think I'll go get some dinner." With that he turned and walked away towards the wooden building on the far side of the camp. "Ya comin'?"

"Be there in a minute," Sully returned as he folded up the letter and slipped it back inside the envelope. He let out a deep sigh, kicking at the ground with his boot as he tried to decide what to do. If he told Daniel about him and Michaela, it would rob him of his chance to feel like part of a family. Yet at the same time, if he didn't tell him it would only be more of a shock later when he finally did come clean. Sully threw his head back and looked up into the sky as if the answer might descend upon him at any second. He didn't have to be told today, Sully reasoned. He would wait and tell him once the trip was closer. Sully nodded his head in agreement with himself once again putting off the inevitable. That was the easy thing to do and Michaela and he had become quite good at it.

* * *

**Boston – July 6, 1854**

A hot summer day had settled on Boston, the heat so thick you could almost see it in the air. The grass in the backyard had lost its lush greenness and been replaced with a sickly looking substitute. The trees too seemed to wither in the heat, their branches bending towards the earth in exhaustion instead of reaching to the heavens. Michaela sat with Sarah on the back porch of the Quinn house listening to her recount her latest adventure in conducting a handful of escaped slaves to freedom. Each held a glass of lemonade in their hands which Michaela pressed it to her brow now and then, trying to cool off.

"Weren't you frightened?" Michaela asked as Sarah had just finished recounting a thrilling tale of being chased through the woods of Virginia.

"Ya don't got time to be frightened at that moment. Only thing to do is run and so ya do it."

"It's a rare person who puts action to their beliefs. I admire that about you Sarah."

A rosy hue appeared on Sarah's cheeks. She never thought about what she did as extraordinary, simply necessary. "Thank ya," she whispered raising her glass to take a sip of her lemonade. "Just doin' what needs to be done."

"Yes but you risk your own life to do it. Aren't many people who would be willing to do that."

"I suppose," Sarah conceded.

"When will you leave for your next run?" Michaela asked feeling a little selfish. She hoped Sarah would stay for a little while. Finally Michaela felt as if she had met a kindred spirit, someone who understood her like Sully did.

Sarah cut her eyes over towards her and gave a little grin. "Thought I'd stay until after Sully visits."

"Good," Michaela replied warmly. "I know he would like to see you again. And he's bringing his friend Daniel so you can meet him as well."

"Daniel?" Sarah asked, never having heard this name before. "Is he like Sully?"

"In some ways. It's actually his mine that Sully works in." Sarah shook her head and made a gentle tutting sound. "Don't worry – he's got money now but ya'd never know it," Michaela added.

Sarah laughed. "Same ol' me, huh?"

"He's actually very kind and generous." Michaela looked down considering whether to tell her the next part.

Wrinkling her brow, Sarah observed Michaela's face. "So what's the secret?"

"What do you mean? There isn't a secret."

"Then why are ya chewing on the inside of your cheek?" Sarah asked knowing that was the sign that Michaela was contemplating something.

"It's not really a secret – see Daniel sort of likes me."

"Sort of? He either likes ya or he doesn't… ain't no sort of."

"Then I guess he likes me," Michaela admitted reluctantly.

"He don't know about Sully?" Sarah felt confused and she continued to watch Michaela's face as she answered.

"No, he doesn't know about us."

"How can ya not tell him? For that matter, why hasn't he figured it out for himself? It's like all the people ya know are stupid or blind." Michaela couldn't help but laugh. "All ya gotta do is watch how ya look at each other – it's clear as day."

The creak of the back door of the porch caught their attention and both turned to see Martha step out. "Sorry to bother you Miss Michaela. I thought I'd bring out your mail. I was sorting Miss Elizabeth's and found this letter for you."

Michaela reached out her hand and gladly accepted it. "Thanks Martha," she returned, watching as the chambermaid turned and reentered the house. Michaela placed the letter down in her lap, showing amazing self restraint.

"Ya ain't gonna open it?" Sarah asked incredulously knowing it was from Sully.

"Well… it would be rude to you," Michaela explained, knowing full well she longed to tear open the envelope.

"Michaela, I know it's from Sully and you're dyin' to read it. Go ahead – I can wait a minute." Michaela smiled at her and hastily tore into the letter.

_June 10, 1854_

_Michaela,_

_I have some bad news. Last week there was a cave in at the mine. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt but our workload has now doubled as we are trying to get the operation up and running. I can't come to Boston right now. I can't leave Daniel at this moment when he needs me more than usual. I sometimes feel like everything is working against us. I miss you terribly and was so looking forward to seeing you soon. I will try to maybe come in the fall, once things slow down. _

_I hope all is well for you. I know school is out by now. Will you go to Ida and John's this summer? If you do then please send my apologies that I couldn't make it. I am truly sorry about this. Guess I better get back to work now. I love and miss you!_

_All my love,_

_Sully_

Sarah knew it wasn't good news from simply watching Michaela as she read. When she finally put down the letter, there were tears in the corner of her eyes. "Michaela, what is it?"

"He can't come to Boston right now. There was a cave-in…they have too much work." She let out a deep troubled sigh and quickly raised her hand to wipe at her eyes.

Sarah hesitated only a moment before reaching over and pulling Michaela into her arms to comfort her. Never would she have guessed that the girl she had once held such a deep hatred for would come to mean so much to her. In only a few months time, she had become attached to her in ways she hadn't even yet realized. Seeing her upset, Sarah resonated with her feelings. "Sh… Sh… it's okay. We'll just have to keep busy this summer."

Michaela swallowed hard and looked up at Sarah, grateful that someone understood- that she had someone to confide in besides her sisters. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate them but simply that they were busy with their own lives. "We were going to Maryland to see Ida and John while he was here." She paused, her voice still shaky with emotion. "Sarah?"

"What?"

"Would you come with me to visit them?"

"Of course," Sarah said happily as she ran her hand along Michaela's back. "Of course."

"Thank you," Michaela whispered as she laid her head against Sarah's shoulder. "It means so much to me. Being in Cambridge always reminds me of Sully – it's sort of our special place."

Sarah stared off dreamily into space. "If Sully is half as good as ya make him out to be then I certainly hope God sends me someone like him."

Michaela laughed albeit a little nervously. "I hope he does too," she added.

* * *

**Boston – 1858**

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against her ear. His breath tickled her sensitive flesh making her giggle.

"Don't flatter me," she replied saucily, cutting her eyes up at him.

"I love the color of your skin," he continued ignoring her look. "It reminds me of caramel."

"Ya stole that line from Michaela," Sarah charged.

"Maybe," he admitted. "But it is the truth. And your hair – ya have the most beautiful hair I've ever seen."

"Now I know you are lyin'. Michaela's hair is much prettier than mine." She gave him a curt smile.

"Michaela who?" he teased.

"Ya forgot her already, did ya?" His arms encircled her and she turned her face up to his, ending the teasing game. Gently he descended letting his lips hover just above hers. Then in one quick motion, he kissed her deeply surprised once again by the woman who stood in front of him.

**

* * *

****Boston – December 14, 1854**

Somehow time had slipped away. Summer became fall – the leaves changed and fell, the weather grew cooler but the work at the mine stayed steady. Sully felt as if each day was a struggle and Michaela concurred completely. She had thoroughly enjoyed herself in Maryland with Sarah but it still had felt odd to be there without Sully. The waiting through the fall had been tedious, hoping that each new letter might bring hoe of an upcoming visit. Yet in October, Sully had written to say he would not be able to come home until Christmas and though Michaela was upset, she had put faith in his word that he would make it in time for the annual Quinn Christmas Party no matter what.

The days and weeks had ticked slowly by, dragging out the longing they each felt. When December finally arrived, Michaela felt as if she might burst with happiness. Now only two weeks stood between her and Sully. The anticipation of his arrival was almost fun now that is was so imminent. Sully felt the same, though he also felt a sickening dread at the thought that Daniel still didn't know about them. He had tried to tell him several more times, only to loose heart.

Yet now he found himself on a train somewhere outside of Boston, sitting across from his best fried and wondering how to break the bad news to him. Sully had plenty of excuses as to why he didn't tell him. Deep down, he knew they were simply excuses much like the ones he and Michaela always seemed to come up with to avoid telling Josef. Sully knew the best thing to do would be to tell him now but he refrained. Their train had been delayed leaving St. Louis which meant that instead of arriving in Boston that morning, they were still racing through the countryside. Sully had been anxious and testy all day, not wanting to let Michaela down. Daniel had grown quiet, his own mind reliving fantasies of how he would greet Michaela.

As the train slowed to approach Boston, Sully grew excited at the prospect of seeing Michaela again while Daniel slowly became more and more nervous. They had both changed into formal attire on the train and although they were a little wrinkled, it would have to do. The party had already started and Sully felt that getting there was a matter of urgency. When the train arrived at the platform, Sully's only thought was taking the first carriage he found straight to Beacon Hill but Daniel had other things on his mind.

"Why ya rushin'?" Daniel asked struggling to keep up with his friend as they moved through the train station.

"Party's already started. We need to get there," he hastily explained.

"I…ah… I need to stop first…"

"For what?"

"Get some flowers," Daniel muttered under his breath.

Sully let out a sigh of exasperation. "If they're for Michaela… Daniel… I don't know how to put this…"

"I know I probably don't have a shoot with her," Daniel interrupted. "I just want to bring her something nice. Ya go on. I'll take a carriage over there after I get her somethin'."

"Daniel.."

"Seriously go on. I remember the address."

Sully shook his head, once again giving up. He turned swiftly heading to the closest carriage as Daniel started walking up the street looking for a flower vendor. Sully felt guilty for not simply telling Daniel but at the moment the thought of seeing Michaela after nearly a year totally consumed him. For some strange reason, he was nervous. They wrote to each so often but somehow there was always this slight fear that when the other person actually stood before them that something might have changed in the interim.

Michaela felt it too as she stood dancing with some gentlemen she didn't particularly know. When she had first received the telegram telling her the train was delayed, it had been almost heart wrenching. It seemed fate was conspiring to keep them apart as long as possible. With every minute that ticked by, she grew more nervous- fearing something had happened to them. Anxiously, she glanced towards the door again and again, praying that at any minute it would open and he would step through.

Somehow she missed him when he entered. It was only as the song ended and she stepped away from her partner, that she caught his eyes. Giving a quick bow to her dance partner, she scurried off to meet him. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, the room seeming to grow longer with each step she took toward him.

Sully didn't move towards her. He felt frozen inside as his own mind raced forward with illogical thoughts. To see her dancing with someone else, to know that Daniel still harbored feelings for her- it all came crashing down on him at that moment. Michaela looked breathtaking and feelings of his own inadequacy rose within himself. The fact that a woman like her would love him was still hard to fathom at times.

"Sully," she whispered her voice full of longing. Stepping close to him, she smiled and reached for his hand. "Where's Daniel?" she whispered as her eyes met his.

"Gettin' ya flowers," Sully replied almost as if in a trance.

Michaela laughed. "He still doesn't know?" Sully looked down sheepishly but before he could answer Michalea was already pulling on him. "Come on." Michaela stepped away from him giving his hand an impatient tug. "Come on," she repeated when she met his resistance. She thought nothing of it though; her sole thought was to be alone with him so that they could properly greet each other. Sully obediently followed her, slipping into the library as she opened the door.

Michaela closed the library door behind her and leaned against it feeling the cool wood against the exposed skin of her upper back. Her heart was about to beat out of her chest as she stared across the room at the man she loved. His back was towards her as he stared out the window into the back yard of the house. Silently, she crept across the floor and wrapped her arms around his torso pressing her face into his back.

"I am so happy you're here," she whispered longing for him to turn around and take her in his arms. He remained still and almost sullen.

"Is something wrong?" she asked becoming worried at his behavior. This wasn't the kind of greeting she expected after being apart for nearly a year.

"Ya look beautiful tonight," he said, his warm voice filling her ears. He turned towards her as she released her grip on him in order to slide into his arms. Yet still he did not wrap his arms around her. She felt foolish and completely released him. Maybe he didn't still feel the same way about her.

"What's wrong?" she asked again in a shaky voice. There was a tightness in her chest making it uncomfortable to breathe.

"Who were ya dancin' with?" he asked still not meeting her gaze in the darkness.

She relaxed. "Are you jealous, Mr. Sully?"

"I just want to know his name," he replied once again turning away from her.

She moved closer to him, placing her hands around him once again and bringing her face as close to his ear as she could. "Robert or William or David. I don't really remember. When you walked through the door I forgot everyone in that room but you."

As she uttered these last words, he felt silly. Here was the woman he loved with her arms wrapped around him and he was worried about some nameless guy in the next room. He turned quickly now, pulling Michaela into his arms.

"I missed ya," he said as she smiled up at him. The moon suddenly appeared from behind a cloud and enveloped the room in a soft glow.

"I seem to remember another time when you were jealous, Mr. Sully," she said teasing him. "But that time I believe the boy walked away with a bloody lip."

Sully laughed. "I guess we better get back to the party before someone starts missing us."

"You haven't even kissed me yet," she reminded him.

"Now how could I've forgotten to do that." He leaned down but then stopped inches away from her lips. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. Michaela had grown impatient with waiting and suddenly closed the distance between them. Her lips found his and she pressed herself against him hard. Sully's tongue ran along her top lip begging for entrance to her mouth and she willingly gave it. She felt terribly wanton but she didn't care. She had dreamed of this moment for months. Sully brought a hand to her cheek as he pulled away slightly ending the kiss. "Ya don't know how much I've missed ya," he whispered.

"Yes, I do. I've missed you just as much," she answered as he once again leaned in to kiss her. As their lips met yet again, she entwined her fingers in his hair. He moaned into her mouth before deepening the kiss. Each of them was lost in the moment. They never heard the slight creak of the library door as it opened. They never heard the gasp of surprise that escaped his lips. They never saw the disappointed eyes that stared at them. They never knew the plans that were being made to pull them apart.


	85. Chapter 85

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty- five**

**Boston- December 14, 1854**

The music swirled around the room weaving in and out of the branches of the large Christmas tree and soaring over the heads of the many guests. There was laughing and conversation, dancing and merrymaking. As usual the Quinn family Christmas party was a smashing success sure to be heralded in every society page that was published - certain to be talked about for weeks. Josef danced with his wife as his eyes roamed the room. Unlike Michaela, he saw Sully enter; his spirits soaring as he now felt that his whole family had finally arrived. Each of his daughters was here with their families; even Marjorie had come after giving birth only a couple of weeks before.

The music ended and he stepped away from Elizabeth giving her a deep bow. "Thank you dear for that wonderful dance."

"No need to lay it on so thick," Elizabeth replied almost icily. She too had seen Sully arrive and wasn't nearly as pleased as Josef. A year without his presence had been a welcome change for her, one she hoped that would sway Michaela's own interest. Yet already she had glimpsed her daughter rushing to his side, once again confirming what she was sure of.

Josef paid Elizabeth's comment no mind and smiled broadly looking around. He had already lost sight of Sully and now was beginning to doubt if he had seen him at all. Taking his leave of Elizabeth, he started across the room smiling as he made his way through the crowd. "Harrison, did I just see Sully arrive?" he asked stopping at the butler's side.

"Yes, sir."

"Do you know where he disappeared to already?"

"I believe Miss Michaela and he are in the library."

"Thanks," Josef responded. It was so nice having Sully home for Christmas. He couldn't wait to hear about his adventures out west and knew Michaela felt the same. He smiled as he approached the library door and gently turned the handle. No lamps were lit but the moon shown bright through the window illuminating the scene before him. Sully's arms were wrapped around Michaela holding her close to him. Michaela's hands were entwined in Sully's hair. He heard a low moan escape Sully's lips. No, it couldn't be. They were kissing and it was not a gentle kiss either. He could sense the passion from all the way across the room. Suddenly, he felt as if he couldn't breath. He needed air.

Stumbling to the front door of the house, he threw it open and plunged into the cold darkness. With no direction in mind, he began to walk down the street. His mind raced back to every moment, every incident, and every time he had suspected. There they were outside chasing each other. There they were holding hands as they walked back from the Common. Michaela's tears at Sully's departure for boarding school. The whispers. The stares. Every incident rushed back to him and fit into the puzzle too perfectly. Elizabeth's voice resounded in his head and then Anna's joined it.

She had known- all those years ago sitting on the front porch Anna had known. She had tried to tell him – to show him how blind he was but he hadn't listened. For nine years, he had continued to believe that Michaela and Sully were brother and sister. Was he that big of a fool? Had they really been in love all that time? No it wasn't possible. There was no way. Would they really have lied to him for nine years? The thought sickened him and he felt anger rising in his chest. This wasn't the dream he had for Mike. Things weren't supposed to work out this way. He cried out into the night to release some of his anger. He wasn't going to allow this. This was one battle he was going to fight and win.

A plan – he needed a plan. This was a setback but he would find a way around it. Michaela was logical and reasonable; she would see the truth of the situation.

Yet the harder Josef tried to think logically, the more his mind rebelled. The sight of that kiss was burned indelibly upon the screen of his mind, playing over and over again, horrifying him anew each time. Unexpectedly his stomach lurched and he bent over expelling his stomach contents on the ground. With shaking hands, he reached for a handkerchief to wipe his mouth, the acidity clinging to his tongue. He tried to stand but found his legs would not support him. Slumping against the street light, he let the cool night air numb his skin, hoping it would sink down deep inside and numb his feelings as well.

They were brother and sister; at least that was how he had raised them. Biologically they weren't related in the least. That was true- they weren't really brother and sister. He needed to calm down – to see this for what it was. A minor setback he told himself once again. Surely no one of Michaela's breeding could be truly interested in Sully who hadn't even finished school. If Michaela was ever to marry, that man would need to be someone who challenged her mentally; someone who was her equal in every way. Not someone like Sully who was nice enough but could never hold Michaela's interest for long. Yet even Josef could not ignore the fact that Sully had held Michaela's interest from the minute they met in the hospital in New York when they were only children. Why had he? What was so special about Sully that Michaela would see him as more than a friend or brother?

Josef tried and tried to wrap his mind around it but could not understand. It had to be pity or something akin to pity that Michaela felt. Or perhaps Sully was indeed after her money and he had charmed her into this relationship. Yet that picture of Sully didn't set with Josef either. No, it was something he didn't understand; something he couldn't make sense of. Elizabeth's voice seemed to echo in his ears- every word she had spoken from day one about the two of them. A red hot anger surged through his body as the feelings of foolishness overtook him. How dare they do this to him? How dare they make him look like the idiot? Standing up fully, he began to march back in the direction of the house, stewing over the words with which he would address them. It was only when he stood ten feet from his front steps that it occurred to him that there was still a party going on and he couldn't march in disrupting the night.

With this realization something else occurred to him as well. He had spent so long trying to instill in Michaela a sense of independence that he had been teaching her how to be independent from him as well. Yelling at them, casting some silly ban on their relationship would only drive the two of them together. This wasn't Marjorie and Paul; technically their relationship was not morally wrong. His first thoughts had been correct: he needed a plan - a plan that would drive a wedge deep between them, severing the ties that bound them. Josef's only concern was how hard and fast that bond already was.

* * *

A cloud moved over the moon and the library was once again in darkness. Michaela pulled back slightly from Sully, resisting the urge to continue their physical reunion with more signs of affection. "I have good news," she whispered feeling Sully's warm breath upon her neck. Her eyes closed as he kissed a warm trail down to her shoulder, his mouth gently pulling at her flesh as he continued to inflame her. "Are you listening?" she managed to ask, feeling lost in his touch.

"Umm-hmm," he muttered as once again his mouth began to move this time down over her shoulder.

"I wanted… um…ah…"

"Ya wanted what?" Sully teased, taking great delight in the fact that he had managed to tongue tie Michaela.

Michaela sucked in a sharp breath trying hard to gain control of the sensations that ran through her body. "School," she uttered.

"What about school?" Sully asked, pulling back completely now. That was the one word that could distract him from his task. School was what in his mind was keeping them separated and if she had good news he wanted to hear it.

Michaela sat down on the edge of Josef's desk pulling Sully over with her so that he leaned slightly against her legs, their arms still wrapped around one another. This gave her a moment to compose herself before she started to speak. "There is a school in Philadelphia. It was started by Quakers- Women's Medical College of Pennsylvania. I've been accepted for next fall." Sully had unconsciously been holding his breath while she spoke. Expelling the air from his lungs, a joy surged inside of him and he moved his arms to lift her off the desk. Her face was slightly above his now and he turned his face up eagerly seeking her mouth. With his strong arms holding her tightly, Michaela kissed him deeply intrigued by the feeling of being slightly above him. Her body slipped down his as he relinquished his iron grip upon her. Yet she made no move away from him both reveling in the closeness they shared.

"Congratulations," he whispered near her ear. "It's happening."

Michaela knew what he meant without a further explanation. "It's a four year program," she said hastily, hoping that wouldn't diminish his excitement. Sully spoke no words, only picked her up once again and twirled her around. Michaela squealed then instantly covered her mouth, alarmed that someone might have heard her. Sully returned her safely to the ground, both laughing with an abiding joy. "We better get back to the party."

"Yeah… we probably should," he sighed somewhat reluctantly.

"It's not our usual routine." Michaela began to walk towards the door, her hand holding firmly to his as she pulled him along. "We want them to see us as a couple… remember?" By now they had reached the door and Michaela was waiting for his answer before opening it. Sully pushed her against the door as he stepped up close behind her. Her back was to him and he dipped his head low covering her right shoulder with a series of warm kisses. Michaela pushed back against him. "I take it that makes you happy."

"Very happy," Sully affirmed stepping away so she could open the door.

As soon as they entered the foyer, Harrison opened the front door letting Daniel inside. Michaela and Sully both spotted him at the same time as she tightened her grasp on his hand. Daniel wasted no time in making his way over to them, a bouquet of flowers clasped tight in his fist. "Michaela," he said warmly in greeting. Michaela offered him her free hand which he lightly kissed the back of, his eyes still staring at Michaela. Sully instantly bristled but in the same instant reminded himself that it was his fault this was happening at all.

"It's nice to see you again, Daniel." Michaela smiled pleasantly, taking a step backwards so she stood directly beside Sully. She was keenly aware of every subtle hint she was sending and it made her almost giddy knowing she was in a sense showing off their relationship. "We were just going to get something to drink. Would you like to join us?"

Daniel nodded eagerly, ignoring the slightly menacing look from Sully. "That'd be real nice." Michaela nodded and then began to cross the foyer with both men on her heels.

As often happens at parties, small groups of gentlemen were standing around discussing politics and recent events. One such group happened to have stationed themselves near the punchbowl, their voices carrying into the surrounding area. Michaela's ears perked up immediately when she heard the word women and vote uttered by someone in the group. Daniel stepped in front of Sully, hastily getting Michaela a cup of punch.

"Here ya go," Daniel said offering it to her but Michaela was hardly paying attention. Her eyes were riveted on the group of men and she let go of Sully's hand stepping closer to the group. "Michaela?" Daniel asked, unsure why she had suddenly become despondent.

Sully stepped closer to her, whispering against her ear. "Let it be."

Michaela ignored both of them as the men's voices grew louder. An elderly gentleman who stood at the far side of the group was pontificating in a voice that carried half way across the room. "Women in my day knew their place and most of them still do today. There are always a few rabble rousers stirring up trouble. Acting like men – that's what these so called woman are doing. Acting like men I tell you. I am not going to stand for it." Sully could see Michaela's anger rising. Her cheeks which were already flushed from the library encounter were now scarlet. Her lips were pursed tightly and her eyes were shooting daggers at the gentlemen talking.

"Excuse me gentlemen," she said stepping into their midst. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation." Several of the men quickly shuffled a few steps backward, their eyes darting anywhere but her. Others stared openly and Sully was convinced that at least one was ogling her.

The elderly gentlemen took a step forward. "Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about dear." His tone was biting and condescending, further enflaming Michaela's ire. Sully shook his head knowing that they were all in for a good tongue lashing. Daniel stood back mesmerized by the passion he saw in Michaela.

"Is that all I am to you? A pretty face." Several of the men nodded their heads, others continued to stare around the room as if looking for someone. "This country was founded on the premise that all men are created equal… that we all have basic rights."

"Men, darling… not women," the elderly gentleman interjected with a smirk on his face.

Michaela's hands balled into fists. "Then our country was founded on a lie. What good is it to have only a small part of the populace endowed with equal rights? Are you not saying the same thing the English did in essence? We have a right to rule… we have a right to hold power. Meanwhile you turn your back on the Negro and the woman, acting as if they are substandard. As long as that is your attitude, what stops someone from coming along and taking the power from you and then deciding that you are substandard? I hope the women of this country unite and finally raise their voices loud to demand what they should have had from the beginning in this country supposedly founded on freedom. Freedom…" Michaela said the word as if it was poison in her mouth. "How is this country free when over half the people within its borders are enslaved by masters or husbands? Answer me that one, gentlemen." The group grew quiet, no one wishing to further the tirade any longer. Michaela began to leave but quickly turned. "And by the way, I am not your darling nor anyone's darling. I have a name, Miss Quinn and I suggest you use that to address me from now on." Michaela flounced away swiftly, her dress bobbing up and down in her wake. Sully was still watching the reaction of the men with amusement on his face. The effect of Michaela's speech was rather interesting as the group dispersed and Sully found himself feeling rather excited by her fiery display. His mind raced with thoughts of where they could go to be alone as he turned to find her.

While Sully had been preoccupied with his own thoughts, Daniel had stepped behind him following in Michaela's wake. He too had been strangely exhilarated by her words and command of language. Moving now across the room as one possessed by her presence. Michaela stopped abruptly expecting Sully to be right behind her. When she felt the hand on her shoulder, she assumed it was him. Quickly she placed her hand on top of his. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," she said sheepishly, a gleam in her eye.

"Ya don't gotta apologize," Daniel replied startling her. Rapidly she whirled around, pulling her own hand off of Daniel's and sending his flying.

Her hand went up to cover her mouth. "I thought you were Sully," she whispered.

Daniel didn't hear her comment as he was already speaking. "Would ya dance with me?"

"I…um… sure," she answered, her eyes searching behind Daniel for a glimpse of Sully. She caught his eye and gave him a half nod which he returned. Daniel grabbed for her hand practically pulling her onto the dance floor. Within moments, Michaela found herself being led around the floor by Daniel who was moving at a frantic pace. "You can slow down," Michaela said gently.

"Oh… right." Daniel took a deep breath as he tried his best to move in rhythm with the music.

"That's better," she encouraged, her eyes once again roaming for Sully. She caught his eye and he smiled putting her at ease.

"M.. Michaela…" Daniel stuttered, his palm growing sweaty against hers. "I was wondering… if maybe you… well would you have dinner with me?"

Michaela shook her head as she came out of a slight daze. Quickly she fixed her gaze back on Daniel wondering what he had just said that she missed. "I'm sorry Daniel- what did you say?"

"Would ya wanna go out to dinner with me?"

"Oh." Michaela quickly bit her bottom lip, appalled at her own quick reaction. "I am very flattered Daniel but I can't." She instantly felt guilty knowing that they needed to simply tell him the truth. Michaela considered blurting it out right then and there but she felt it really needed to come from Sully.

Daniel smiled at her weakly. "For a walk?" he tried again.

"Daniel, I'm in a relationship with someone… I can't."

"Oh, Sully never mentioned anything…" his voice trailed off but his face looked as determined as ever.

"I know," Michaela agreed, feeling worse with every moment that went by. The song finally ended and she thanked Daniel for the dance then turned to go back to Sully. Much to her chagrin Daniel followed, determined to find out who this mystery man was. For the rest of the night, he shadowed them, watching diligently for the slightest show of affection from any gentlemen. It never once occurred to him that the man was right in front of him standing at her side. The party began to wind down towards the wee hours of the morning. Michaela somehow managed to get Sully out on the back porch without Daniel following. The air was chilly and she moved in close to Sully partially for warmth but mostly because she wanted to repeat their earlier moments.

"You have to tell Daniel," she admonished him.

"I know.. and I will tomorrow." Michaela gave him a doubting look. "Would you like to go to the Commons tomorrow morning with me, darling?" Sully smiled broadly trying to distract her. Michaela narrowed her eyes at him, her lips pressed tight together in a frown. "Oh, I forgot ya don't like that name."

Michaela gave him a coy look. "Actually it doesn't sound so bad coming from your lips."

Sully raised his eyebrows at her. "You don't usually use names like that for me though."

"What? Like honey and sweetheart?"

Michaela laughed, the words sounding rather strange to her ears. "Maybe you should stick with Michaela."

Sully gave her a quick peck on the lips, wanting more but knowing they had limited time. "I'll be here at nine tomorrow," he said stepping away from her.

"I'll be ready," she returned letting him pull her through the kitchen door and back to the foyer. Michaela walked with him out to the front door where Daniel stood waiting for them. She bid each of them a good night, giving Sully a quick kiss on the cheek which made her blush horribly.

Josef watched the interaction from where he stood near the stairs. He was bidding the last guests good-bye but his thoughts were still fixed on the earlier scene in the library. Michaela turned to see her father carefully observing her but thought nothing of it. "I haven't seen you all night," she said cheerfully stepping over beside him. "I missed dancing with you."

Her words were like a punch in the stomach to Josef as he thought about Sully and her dancing. If she had wanted to find him, she would have. He had been replaced. "Maybe next time," he said forcing a smile.

"You look sort of pale Father. Do you feel alright?"

"Fine." His words were short and to the point. Michaela raised a hand to his head but he did not feel warm at all. "I'm tired… that's all," he added.

"It is rather late. Think I'll turn in myself." Michaela leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Good night," she said a little too happily for Josef.

"Good night," he replied, his voice barely audible. Raising one finger to his cheek, he touched the spot she had kissed moments before. Mental images of her raced through his mind. This was his little girl, the one he held as soon as she was born, the one who sought him out- who preferred him over Elizabeth. She was his or at least had been. That truth stung him just as the place she kissed felt scorched. The lips that had kissed him good night for over twenty years were now kissing someone else – someone who was replacing him or had already replaced him. Josef knew this was the part of himself that he had to turn off, let go of. This couldn't be about his emotions. He needed to be rational. Yet how does one sever two things wrapped together so tightly.

* * *

**Boston – December 15, 1854**

Daniel walked the short distance between the Quinn house and the Common looking for Sully and Michaela. Martha had told him they had left a little while ago so he figured he should be able to catch them. He smiled to himself as he walked along. Sully had told Daniel about Michaela many times but he had always imagined Sully to be exaggerating. When he had met Michaela, he had been blown away by her beauty and her personality. Twice he had tried to invite her out but she had turned him down each time. He was determined though to try to win her heart. Maybe, he would recruit Sully to help him. They seemed awfully close. Certainly Sully could convince Michaela to give him a fair shot.

He reached the Common and looked around for his best friend and the girl he hoped to one day make his wife. They were on the far side of the Common heading off into the forest. Daniel called after them but his voice was obscured by the wind. He took off running in their direction hoping to catch them before they walked too far into the trees. When he arrived at the place where he had seen them enter the trees, he stopped and listened. Michaela's soft giggle carried through the forest and Daniel followed it.

He wasn't prepared for the scene that he came upon. There stood Sully and Michaela pressed close together, their hands entwined in each others hair with their lips locked together. Passion was evident on their faces and Daniel was literally embarrassed to be witnessing such an intimate encounter. He tried to turn quietly and slip away unnoticed but his foot came down on a fallen branch, snapping it in two.

Sully and Michaela pulled away from each other hurriedly but both relaxed when they realized who had been spying on them.

"Sorry," Daniel muttered, turning red with embarrassment.

"It's okay," Sully said. "I wanted to tell you anyway. Just wasn't sure how." He smiled down at Michaela.

"Guess this is why, ya didn't wanna go out with me," Daniel said to Michaela.

"Ya asked her out?" Sully asked.

"He didn't know Sully," Michaela reassured him.

"Yeah, here all this time I thought ya were just brother and sister," Daniel said sarcastically.

"I told ya we weren't like that Daniel," Sully reminded him.

"Guess living together all those years, sure can bring two people close together," Daniel returned.

Sully knew what Daniel was hinting at and he didn't like it. Sully quickly stepped in front of Michaela clenching his fists. "Daniel, ya got somethin' to say to me just go ahead and say it. But ain't no reason to be rude to Michaela." Sully saw it coming and ducked as Daniel took the first swing.

"Why didn't ya tell me?" Daniel asked as Sully straightened up. He didn't move towards Sully again right away. "Is this somethin' new?"

"It was difficult," Sully said ignoring the second question. "No one really knows about us."

"I thought we were friends Sully – don't that mean anythin' to ya?" He didn't give Sully a chance to answer as he stepped closer this time taking Sully slightly off guard. He landed a punch squarely to Sully's bottom lip. A small trickle of blood ran out of the split that had formed which moved Michaela to action.

"Stop it!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Daniel whirled around to face her, anguish written upon his features. Michaela took the opportunity to step in between the two of them, backing up so that she stood closer to Sully. "Daniel, I know you're upset," she began in a calm voice. "We should have told you but please try to understand.."

Daniel cut her off. "Michaela, the only thing I understand is that the two of ya made me look like a fool- runnin' off to buy flowers for ya, presents. Guess ya were probably sittin' around havin' a good laugh 'bout it."

"Daniel it was never like that," Michaela interjected.

Daniel continued on as if he hadn't heard her. "Sully – ya were supposed to be my friend." The hurt was obvious now in Daniel's voice making both Sully and Michaela inwardly cringe.

"I am your friend," Sully choked out.

"No ya ain't. I ain't friends with selfish cowards." The words stung but only because the truth of them resonated deep within his chest. Sully felt as if an arrow had been aimed directly at him and had found its mark. Daniel turned away in disgust and moved noisily through the woods back to the open of the Common. Neither Michaela nor Sully was sure what to do. She turned to face him as the guilt bore down upon both of them.

"He's right," Sully whispered his eyes still riveted to the spot where Daniel had stood moments earlier. "I didn't mean to hurt him," he breathed out in defense of himself.

"I know," Michaela assured him reaching for his hand. "I know."

"I should go after him." He made a move to follow but Michaela stopped him.

"Not right now. He needs time to cool off. Then maybe he'll listen- he's still too angry and hurt right now."

"We have to tell your family – everybody." Michaela bristled at the thought of more reactions like Daniel's.

"Your lip," she said watching as the blood ran down his chin now dropping to his clothes below. Sully nodded and searched in his pocket for a handkerchief. Michaela took it from him dabbing gently at his lip.

"Ow!"

"Sorry," Michaela replied sheepishly still letting Sully's previous comment sink into her mind. Her eyes met his and they both knew. There would no longer be any hiding; things had to come out right now. No words were spoken between them. Michaela continued to apply gentle pressure to his lip until she had managed to stop the bleeding. Minutes ticked by but neither moved almost as if by standing here they could postpone the inevitable.

Sully wrapped his arms around her pulling her in towards him. "Whatever happens Michaela- I love you. Nothin' anyone says will change that." He felt her relax in his arms as she moved to lay her head against his shoulder.

"I love you – nothing will change that," she replied assuaging his fears just as he had done for her. Pulling back, she ignored the cut place on his lip and placed a gently kiss to the other side. Yet even as Sully tried to respond in kind, the movement of his lips reopened the cut causing him to wince in pain. "Sorry," she repeated again, a nervous laugh escaping her mouth. "Shall we go?"

Sully nodded and gave her a weak smile as he took the handkerchief from her and pressed it once more to his lip. They walked hand in hand back to the Common, neither in a hurry to return to the house. Every step brought them closer to speaking the truth out loud and though they both knew there would be immense freedom after finally sharing, they also feared the reactions of everyone involved.

"Who should tell them?" Michaela asked nervously.

"I will," Sully replied decisively. Silence once again settled between them as the road to the Quinn house seemed shorter than ever on this particular day. They soon found themselves two houses away, both feeling extremely nervous. "Do I tell 'em everything?" Sully asked, his eyes looking down to the ring that he knew was hidden under her shirt.

"I think it will be best to have it all out at once," she whispered in reply. "What if…"

Sully quickly quieted her by bringing his fingers to her lips. "Don't think about the what if's- just gonna make yourself crazy doin' that. We'll know soon enough." Michaela nodded and gave his hand a hard squeeze. "Ready?"

Swallowing hard, she nodded as Sully turned away from her and started down the street. The door of the house loomed before them rather ominously as they climbed the stairs. Michaela was afraid she might be sick; her stomach was doing somersaults within her.

Sully turned to look at her before knocking. "Ya alright?"

"Yes and I'll be better once this is over." Sully gave a brief nod and turned to knock. They waited, seconds passed stretching into what felt like hours. He knocked again and still no response. Michaela reached past him and turned the door handle impatiently, pushing the door open to them. They stepped into the house, as a frantic Elizabeth flew down the stairs.

"Thank God you're home," she exclaimed, her eyes fixed on Michaela.

"What is it mother?"

"Your father- something's wrong with him. He slept in…. I went to wake him and…"

* * *

**Boston – November 26, 1858**

Michaela stared at the food on her plate, anxiously waiting for the time when she could go to the train station to greet Sully. With her fork, she pushed the eggs around her plate finally spearing a small grain.

"Michaela stop picking at your food and eat something," Elizabeth scolded unnecessarily.

"I'm twenty-five years old mother. Don't you think I can decide whether I am hungry or not?"

"Leave her alone, Elizabeth." Josef said his eyes meeting hers. Elizabeth shook her head and made a sound of disapproval. Josef was once again coddling her just as he always had. "Are you going to accompany me to the hospital this morning Mike?"

Michaela shook her head. "Sully comes today," she said cheerfully.

"Good," Josef replied both his cheerful voice and smile forced. "I had forgotten." He took a deep breath and let his eyes settle on the ring on her finger. "Not much longer and you'll be married."

Michaela smiled over at him and shook her head. "Yes," she whispered almost shyly. Elizabeth looked down the table at Josef narrowing her eyes. She alone knew his true feelings on the matter of Michaela and Sully's upcoming nuptials. They both were adamantly opposed but Josef never openly told Michaela his true feelings. He was subversive instead, chipping away slowly at the foundation of their relationship, hoping that it would eventually crumble and fall. Elizabeth had her doubts but Josef didn't want to hear her opinions on the matter.

"What will the two of you do today?" he asked taking another bite of his oatmeal.

"I don't know," she replied. "Probably come home and talk – take some time to catch up with each other."

Josef knew the amount of letters they exchanged back and forth. They didn't need to catch up with each other at least not in that way. An image of the two of them locked in a passionate embrace invaded his thoughts and his face contorted in a look of disgust. A funny sensation started around his lips and began to move through the right side of his face. Tingles started at his lips and radiated outward towards his cheeks. A numbness invaded the muscles of his face alerting him to the fact that something was terribly wrong. Looking down he tried to move his right arm but suddenly it felt heavy, incredibly heavy. A slight panic settled in his chest as he looked up at Elizabeth.

"Josef?" she asked, her face ashen as she watched him slump to one side.

Michaela quickly turned her head just in time to see her father's head hit the table.

* * *

_Just a word of thanks to all my readers!! I am so glad that so many have stuck with me on this journey! Things are about to get hard but I will try to move through it asap. _


	86. Chapter 86

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter Eighty- six**

**Boston- December 15, 1854**

Marjorie walked along the stone path to the cottage wondering if Daniel was there and if he knew what had happened. Elise was with the nanny that Everett had finally agreed to hire and she held Adam against her shoulder bundled in several blankets to keep out the cold. She had been on her way to the carriage when the thought struck her about Daniel. Adjusting the baby somewhat so that one of her hands was free, she knocked on the red cottage door.

Daniel opened to Marjorie, the noon sun setting off the red of her hair. He looked at her questioningly but then moved to the side so that she could step in out of the wind. Marjorie turned to face him and said, "Daniel, I didn't know if you had heard… my father was rushed to the hospital this morning. They believe he had a heart attack or heart trouble of some sort." On this last line, a bit of emotion broke through.

Daniel shook his head hastily and his thoughts immediately went out to Michaela as he observed Marjorie's own grief. "Will he be alright?"

"They don't know yet," Marjorie continued, losing a battle with her own tears. "He fell this morning and hit his head as well so he isn't awake yet." She reached up and wiped at her cheeks with the edge of one of Adam's blankets. It was then that she caught sight of his bag by the door. "Were you leaving?" she asked.

"Thinking about it," he replied mystifying Marjorie even more. "Ya know about Michaela and Sully?"

Marjorie nodded. "You didn't?"

"Nah, Sully never told me.. and I…well.."

Marjorie instantly read the look on his face. "Don't feel bad Daniel. No one has ever had a chance with her. Sully's always outshone any man who showed an interest."

"How long have they been together?"

Marjorie laughed softly, lowering Adam into the crook of her elbow. "Who knows? I doubt they could even tell you. I don't pretend to understand it. All I know is that Sully worships the ground she walks on."

"It's one sided then?" Daniel asked, a small amount of hope springing up inside of him.

Marjorie shook her head. "No that's not what I mean. All I know is that I have never in my life seen a man who loves a woman like Sully loves Michaela."

"But does Michaela share those feeling as well?" Daniel pressed the issue.

Marjorie smiled almost coldly, not realizing the extent of Daniel's own obsession with her sister. "What do you think Daniel? You've seen my sister –she's beautiful, smart and extremely wealthy. She could have her pick of the men in Beacon Hill and Back Bay yet she's uninterested. She never had a coming out- did you know that?"

"What's a comin' out?"

Marjorie let out a deep breath and rolled her eyes slightly, annoyed at having to explain something she thought everyone should know. "When a young lady is of age to be courted, she has a coming out. It's the sign that she is now eligible to marry and anyone interested should take note."

"But Michaela didn't have one?"

"No she didn't. Rebecca, Claudette Maureen and myself all had one but not Michaela. My father thought it was because she had no interest in getting married – only in becoming a doctor. That wasn't the reason – she didn't have a coming out because she wasn't available to marry- she already knew who she wanted." Marjorie didn't speak his name; she didn't have to. A thick silence settled between them as a dark anger brewed in Daniel. If everything that Marjorie was saying was true, it made things much worse. It was one thing thinking that Sully and Michaela had only recently realized they had feelings for one another and quite another to know that it had been going on for some time.

Adam started fussing, feeling overheated in the warm cottage still bundled for the outside. Marjorie lifted him back to her shoulder and soothingly rubbed his back. "I only thought you should know… I'm sure Sully is with Michaela. I didn't know if you were waiting for him… I could give you a ride?" Marjorie could sense the tension but she wasn't sure what to do or say to Daniel.

He shook his head. "Nah.. I'll be fine."

"Okay… if you need anything, feel free to go over to the main house. Everett isn't home but the staff is all there."

"Thanks," Daniel whispered weakly as she stepped through the door. "I am sorry about your father."

Marjorie took a deep breath at the mention of Josef again and swallowed hard. She wanted to thank him but found she couldn't without her emotions spilling forth. Pressing her lips tightly together, she turned and picked her way across the cobblestone walkway towards the waiting carriage.

Daniel watched her go, his chest heaving with anger. Quickly he reached for his coat and stepped out of the house. There were still things that needed to be said on his part and this time he wasn't going to shy away from saying any of them. "Marjorie," he called after her. "Wait up!"

* * *

The mid-afternoon light filtered across the hospital room casting dappled patterns on the tiled floors. Michaela paced nervously from one side to the other counting her steps with each pass. Rebecca sat at Josef's side, holding his hand in her own. Elizabeth sat on the other side, her head resting on the bed as she watched Michaela's movements. 

"For God's sake Michaela, would you please stop pacing?" Elizabeth's voice cut the silence and both girls turned to look at their mother. "I'm nervous enough without you doing that."

Michaela stopped stilling herself against the edge of Josef's bed. "What did the doctor say again, mother?"

"A mild heart attack or so he thinks. They'll know more when he awakes."

"Why aren't they more concerned with the head injury? What if the swelling is putting pressure on the brain?" Michaela wrinkled her face up in worry, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Michaela you're not a doctor – stop trying to diagnose your father," Elizabeth scolded becoming more annoyed by the minute.

"Mother, she's only trying to help," Rebecca said gently. Elizabeth turned a withering eye towards her older daughter and Rebecca hastily looked down unwilling to fight when her father was so ill.

"Maybe, I'll go for a walk – see if Sully's back yet," Michaela whispered. "You'll come find me if there is any change?"

"Of course," Rebecca assured her watching a silent tear meander down her sister's cheek.

Silently Michaela left the room and headed down the hall, hoping that Sully had returned. Elizabeth had ordered him to take the message to each of the sister's. Rebecca was the closest and so she had been summoned immediately. The others were scattered and thus they took longer to track down. Only a few steps from her father's door, Michaela caught sight of her sister's red hair as she strolled down the hall in her direction. They met each other in the midpoint of the hallway.

"How is he?" Marjorie asked nervously shifting a sleeping Adam on her shoulder.

"He's still unconscious… the doctors think he had a mild heart attack."

"Yes, that is what Sully said. Is he…. Is he going to… be alright?" She braced herself to hear the worst.

"We don't know much until he regains consciousness but the doctor seems hopeful," Michaela replied as her eyes wandered down the hall. Daniel stood a few feet away giving the sisters some privacy as he waited to approach Michaela. "Is that Daniel?"

Marjorie nodded. "I hope you don't mind," she said almost apologetically. "He wanted to come…"

"It's fine, "Michaela interrupted. "Father's room is the third one on the left." Marjorie nodded and then turned to continue on. Michaela walked in the opposite direction towards Daniel.

"Michaela, I'm sorry about your father," he blurted out while she was still a few feet away. Michaela inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out while she thought of what to say to Daniel. She certainly didn't want to encourage him but at the same time she thought he might listen to her rather than to Sully.

"I need to speak with you Daniel. Would you walk with me to my Father's office?" Daniel nodded and joined her as they continued up the hall towards the staircase. They walked in silence and Daniel felt jittery simply being in her presence. He didn't blame her in the least for what had happened. In his mind it was all Sully's fault and Michaela was simply caught in the crossfire. The thought that maybe she saw it the same way, ignited his hope once again and instead of being sensible and level-headed, his mind drifted off to day dreams of them together. It wasn't until he heard the click of the door behind him that he awoke from those daydreams, lazily letting his eyes wonder around the office.

Michaela carefully considered what to say and how to say it. Yet her mind felt lethargic and she wondered how she would make Daniel see reason or if there was even any reason to see. Perhaps her job was simply to soften his outlook on Sully; that she could do. Ignoring the adoring looks he was casting in her direction, Michaela crossed to her father's desk and turned to face him. "I know that what you saw this morning hurt you and I agree that we should have told you before. Please try to understand our situation though Daniel- it's precarious at best."

Daniel looked at her, his eyes narrowed in thought. "Precarious?" he asked feeling stupid for once again not knowing the meaning of a word.

"Unstable," Michaela offered feeling equally as bad for talking over his head.

Daniel raised his head so that he could see her better. Unstable sounded like it was a good thing. "Your relationship with Sully is unstable?" He didn't wait for her to answer but simply moved closer placing his hand on her shoulder. "Michaela I love ya. And I would do anythin' for ya. I don't want to see ya hurtin' like this."

Michaela lifted his hand off of her shoulder and moved a few paces away. "Daniel, my relationship with Sully is not unstable- I simply mean that no one really knows about it. Unstable may not have been the best word choice – perhaps delicate. We have to be careful who we tell about us."

Once again Daniel felt his hopes dashed as a new searing pain ripped across his chest. "I see," he mumbled, his head dropping so that his chin touched his chest.

"Daniel I am very flattered by your attention but I don't share your feelings. I love Sully." Michaela wasn't sure whether to add this next part or not but having heard Daniel's earlier words she felt it was imperative that he know. "We're engaged Daniel." Her words were soft, almost whispered. The sound seemed to rise above their heads, growing in power until it came down for one last shot at Daniel's fragile heart. He literally stumbled backwards, his despondency turning into anger.

His head shot up as he clenched his fists in rage striking out at the side of Josef's desk with his foot. "That son of a bitch," Daniel murmured under his breath.

Michaela panicked when she saw the anger written on his face. "Daniel, he really wanted to tell you- he just wasn't sure how." Her words were desperate as she realized that she had only made things worse.

"The hell he wanted to tell me," Daniel objected already moving towards the office door.

"Daniel please don't be angry. Sully is your best friend." She laid a hand on his shoulder hoping to restrain him for a moment.

"Used to be," he breathed out venomously, forcefully pushing her hand aside. Michaela recoiled, letting him go. The slamming of her father's office door made her jump and the tears instantly began to flow. The stress of everything crashed down upon her and she fell into a heap on the floor covering her face with her hands. The thought that she had made things worse with Daniel instead of better was painful and a deep guilt set in. This added to the fragile state of her father's health felt like more than she could bear. Her mind cried out to Sully. She needed him – to feel his arms holding her tightly, to hear his whispered reassurances that everything would be fine.

* * *

Daniel stepped out of the hospital, his breath coming in short gasps as the anger continued to overwhelm him. He spotted Sully walking hurriedly towards the entrance and the anger only increased. Flying down the steps as if possessed by some supernatural power, he cut Sully off on the walkway. 

"You're engaged!" he exclaimed giving Sully a shove that caught him off guard. Sully stumbled backwards but caught himself.

"Daniel I'm sorry – I really am sorry. Everythin' you said this morning is true. I've been selfish – only thinking about my feelings and not about yours."

"Damn right you have!"

"I never meant to upset you – I just didn't know how to tell ya." Sully's voice was apologetic and sincere but neither of those mattered to Daniel at the moment. Sully's head was downcast but as soon as he raised it, Daniel was prepared. His fist once again made contact with Sully's lip, breaking open the earlier cut. Several people walking by stopped and stared. "Daniel this ain't the place," Sully warned as he ducked to miss another of Daniel's well-timed punches.

Daniel looked around, seeing the crowd they were attracting and dropped his hands to his sides. Sully retrieved a handkerchief from his pocket and raised the white cloth to his mouth, a crimson stain instantly appearing. Stepping closer, Daniel spoke in a menacing voice, "Keep the hell away from me – do ya hear me? Ya ain't got a job at my mine." With that, Daniel turned to walk away but Sully ran after him.

"Daniel please don't go back to Colorado yet. Give yourself a few days to calm down. I know this was unexpected… I really am sorry."

Stopping suddenly, Daniel turned his eyes radiating a coldness that was palpable to Sully. "Leave me the hell alone," he said once more before beginning his retreat once again. Sully knew there was no point in pursuing him further so instead he stood watching him, his heart tightening within his chest. Slowly he turned, trying to get a handle on everything that had occurred. His lip was bleeding profusely attracting more and more attention as he made his way up the stairs and through the door of the hospital. Stepping to the main desk, he temporarily shifted the handkerchief to ask, "What room is Dr. Josef Quinn in?"

"Sir, can I get you a doctor?" the receptionist asked ignoring his question as she observed the cut on his lip.

"Sully!" Quickly he turned in the direction of her voice as she hurried to his side.

"Michaela…"

"What happened?"

"I saw Daniel outside. He was still upset, actually more upset." He leaned in closer to Michaela as he spoke this next line. "He knows we're engaged."

"I told him."

Sully looked up at her questioningly. "Ya saw Daniel?"

Michaela ignored his question knowing that anything she said at the moment would only inflame the situation. Instead she pulled at the handkerchief to get a better look at the cut. "I think you will need stitches this time. Come on." She turned quickly and headed back towards the stairs knowing she could take care of the injury herself. Sully followed her obediently but wondered why she was avoiding his earlier question. The thought that Daniel had been here to see her didn't sit well with him yet he knew that the conversation would better be held in private.

By the time they reached Josef's office, Sully was feeling a little lightheaded. He sat down in the nearest chair while Michaela went to the cabinet. "Are you okay?" she asked her head hidden and her voice muffled as she dug out the needed items.

"A little dizzy," he admitted. Michaela reappeared and started back towards him. She removed the handkerchief and held a new cloth to his lip, hoping to stem the bleeding. Sully moved her hand to the side though. "Michaela, did Daniel come here to see ya?"

"Sully, quit talking. I have to stop the bleeding so I can stitch this up properly." She pressed the cloth firmly to his lip making Sully wince in pain. "Sorry," she whispered hastily. Once she had stopped the flow of blood, she quickly set about stitching up the cut. Sully closed his eyes and gripped the arms of the chair to stop from crying out. Michaela worked quickly but carefully. The cut was deep but not very big and she had soon finished. She cleaned up, washing her hands at the basin before coming back to where Sully was seated. His eyes were still closed and she reached her hand out to lightly stroke his cheek. Two eyelids fluttered open and for a moment she found herself floating in the sea of blue that greeted her. For one brief moment, it was only the two of them and none of the day's events had happened. "I love you," she whispered leaning down to kiss his forehead. Yet that one simple gesture broke their eye contact and the stress of the day quickly returned.

Sully took her hand in his. "How is Josef?" he asked with concern, momentarily setting aside all thoughts of Daniel.

"Still unconscious but the doctor thinks it was only a mild heart attack."

"But you're worried?" Sully asked noticing the lines on her face.

Michaela nodded. "I think he should be awake by now. I'm worried that maybe the head injury is more serious than they originally thought it was." Sully pushed her lightly back and stood so that he could gather her in his arms. Michaela relaxed against him, reveling in the security of his embrace.

"Don't worry," he whispered. "I'm sure the doctor is taking good care of him." Michaela nodded but didn't speak, wishing she could remain like this for the rest of the day. A few moments of silence passed before Sully spoke again. "Did ya see Daniel?"

"Yes." Michaela immediately tensed and Sully felt it.

"What did he want?"

"Nothin," she whispered stepping away from him.

Sully watched her perplexed by her sudden movements. "Michaela?"

"Can we talk about this later?" She raised a hand to massage her temple.

"What did he say to ya?" His tone was gruff and it put Michaela on edge.

"He was offering his condolences – asking if there was anything I needed." She knew he wasn't in the right frame of mind to hear the rest.

"Daniel didn't say anything else?"

Michaela narrowed her eyes as she studied his face. "He did," she replied coolly unable to lie directly to him.

"About us?" Michaela nodded. "Are ya gonna tell me?"

She let out a deep sigh before answering. "No because you aren't thinking straight right now. You'll do something that you'll regret if I tell you."

"Michaela tell me." She turned away from him deliberately; it was easier to not look at him. Sully cringed inside, imagining all sorts of situations. Though he knew better, the thought that Daniel had possibly tried something physically with Michaela was hard to shake. "I have a right to know!" he exclaimed loudly startling her.

Michaela turned slowly to face him, her eyes roaming over his face. "You don't have a right to yell at me." Her voice was calm but her words pointed. "You're not the only one who is living through all of this. It's my father who is sick, you know."

Sully swallowed hard as this last sentence left her lips. At one time he was my father too, he thought. He didn't speak this out loud but the fight drained out of him. Michaela missed it as her own anger soared and burned within her. "I know," Sully whispered, shifting the focus of his eyes out the window.

Michaela heard the sadness in his tone but as if she was on the crest of a wave, she felt unable to stop. Her mouth opened and the words, the emotions, the tension simply spewed forth raining down on Sully in a torrential flood. "You don't know! You don't know anything!" Physically she was shaking as the emotions of the past two days took control of her. "It's your fault – you should have told him. Why didn't you tell him?"

"I don't know," Sully replied. "I tried but I just couldn't seem…"

Michaela cut him off. "God, Sully … he's supposed to be your best friend. He has feelings and you didn't even tell him."

"Ya could've told him the very first time he asked ya out," Sully accused feeling attacked by her words.

"He's your best friend – not mine! You don't care about people's feelings - that's the problem."

"That's not true," Sully defended, his face contorting in pain.

"Sometimes I think you don't even care about mine."

"Michaela, everything I do is with ya in mind!"

"You come waltzing into the party acting jealous, standoffish and cold. You stay away for a year. A year, Sully!" She reached towards her neck and undid the top button, her hands roughly pulling at the chain hidden underneath. "You give me a ring and I'm supposed to be happy and content. I'm not Sully.. I'm not happy or content. I'm miserable- you make me miserable!" Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, jerking at the necklace that held the ring until one of the links snapped sending the ring flying across the floor.

It meant nothing but it meant everything. It was an accident but it wasn't an accident. Two sets of eyes were riveted on the ring, the diamond sparkling even in the dim light of the dying sun. Michaela moved to pick it up, her fingers closing over the smooth surface of the band. The door opened and Rebecca stuck her head in. "Maureen and Claudette are here now." She looked down at Michaela and then up at Sully, not understanding exactly what she was walking in on. "Sully, Marjorie brought Adam with her. Would you mind keeping an eye on him for a moment? The doctor would like to speak with all of us."

"Sure," he replied, his voice strained. Michaela wanted to say she was sorry – she wanted to take back every word she had yelled at him but there was no time. Rebecca was in the doorway; there was no privacy still she had to do something. She lifted her head to meet Sully's eyes but found he was already moving towards her. Kneeling down beside her, he took the chain from her hand. "I'll have this fixed," he whispered and then he was gone.

"Michaela?" Rebecca asked stepping into the room. "Are you coming?" Michaela straightened pressing the ring into the palm of her hand and curling her fingers tightly around it. Her back was still to Rebecca and she hastily wiped at her tears before turning and nodding. "Are you alright?"

Michaela smiled weakly but didn't speak; knowing words would only bring more tears at the moment. Rebecca wasn't privy to the hasty words she had spoken only a moment before, thus she assumed that Michaela was simply upset about Josef. "He is going to be fine," she assured her sister.

"Will he?" Michaela managed to choke out feeling as if she had ruined everything good in her life with her last tirade.

"The doctor seems to think so." Michaela realized only then that they spoke of two different things. "Come on, let's go hear what he has to say," she whispered stepping a short distance away and reaching for her sister's hand.

* * *

**Boston – December 16, 1854**

Michaela sat next to her father's bed, her head resting beside his hand as it had been for most of the night. The early morning sun was now peaking through the windows spilling light into the room but still she did not stir. She hadn't slept at all, purposefully making herself stay awake as if it was some punishment for the hateful words she had spoken to Sully. In her heart, she knew he would forgive her but still she kept herself away from him. An irrational fear had taken control yesterday – that he would leave and she would never see him again. She had made him wait and even now she was asking him to wait again - another four years. And then… and then she had yelled at him, accusing him of not caring when she knew that wasn't true.

She sat up in the chair, her back protesting the movement. Lifting her arms above her head, she worked at the stiffness in her shoulders trying to ease the pain she felt. The door of the hospital room opened and she looked up to see Rebecca. "Have you been here all night?" she asked, worried about her sister's appearance.

Michaela nodded. "I thought someone should be here in case he woke up," she whispered rising from the chair and feeling the same stiffness in the rest of her body.

"Michaela you have to take care of yourself. Running your body down isn't going to help father to get well." Her words seemed to fall on deaf ears though as Michaela crossed to the window and leaned against the frame. "Is something else going on?" Rebecca asked sensing there was more to this situation then what she was aware of.

Michaela swallowed hard and nodded, still not turning to meet her sister's eyes. "Sully and I argued," she whispered.

Rebecca moved closer to her and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "He's in father's office. He's been there all night I believe. Why don't you go talk to him?"

Michaela shook her head. "I don't know that I can."

Rebecca lifted her arm and let her fingers gently run through her sister's hair. "Michaela don't let your imagination keep you away from him. He obviously wants to see you – he wouldn't have stayed here if he didn't." Michaela nodded as Rebecca pushed her gently towards the door.

It took her forever to walk from Josef's hospital room to his office. Each step seemed to require more energy than she possessed and she had literally stopped three times on the stairs before continuing on. Finally the door rose up before her and she collapsed against it. Sully heard the noise from his own position beside the window. A small ray of hope shot across his chest and he quickly crossed to the door and opened it. Michaela literally fell inside and he caught her in his arms, pulling her close. She felt his warm breath on her cheek and the tears came quickly running down her face and soaking his shirt. Michaela tried to speak but she had no words, only tears.

Sully practically drug her across the room, and sat her down in one of the wingback chairs that stood in front of his desk. "Michaela," he whispered leaning lovingly over her. She looked up at him and he could see the pain etched in her eyes. Opening her mouth, she tried to speak but Sully quieted her. "Shh.. we'll talk later. You need to rest now." Michaela nodded and let her head loll against the side of the chair as she felt her body encompassed by a sense of warmth. Sully had pulled a blanket over her before closing the curtains against the morning sun. He now returned to her side sat down at her feet stroking her hand while watching her intently.

The gentle rise and fall of her chest first alerted him that finally she was sleeping. The light in the room was dim and he leaned over to get a better view. Her face lay hidden in shadow but from his new perspective, he could see that her eyelids were finally closed. With one finger, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before straightening up again. The blanket had fallen down resting only on her legs and Sully pulled it up so that more of her body was covered by its soft folds.

Knowing she rested peacefully, at least for the moment, had brought a sense of relief. Sully knew he should be getting some sleep as well but he didn't want to leave her side yet in case she might awake. He sat down behind Josef's desk, his eyes falling once again on her face. The events of the last few days bore down heavily upon him and he collapsed upon the desk with his head resting on his forearm. Running a hand over his lip, he pushed down on the injured area hoping that the physical pain might dull his emotional pain.

Daniel's face rose up before him and he inwardly cringed. Every word that had been spoken haunted him. Daniel was right and there was no way around that. Sully had acted cowardly and selfish, hurting his best friend terribly in the process. Inwardly he ached, wondering how he could possibly rectify things and knowing that he most likely couldn't. Yet as painful as that whole situation was, it couldn't compare to what he felt when he looked at Michaela. To see her in such anguish was too much for him. It never ceased to amaze him that love constantly took on new dimensions. There had been moments when his heart had ached for Michaela especially when Anna had died but seeing her like this had been almost more than he could handle. He wanted to do something to take away her pain yet there was nothing he could do - nothing. That left him feeling helpless and frustrated - more helpless and frustrated than he had ever felt in his life. Slowly he became aware of the dampness that had gathered on his cheeks as he raised his head and wiped at the unbidden tears.

He didn't notice that she had awoken; her piercing eyes watching him. It was only when he heard the blanket fall to the ground and felt her hand upon his shoulder that he became aware of her presence. Sully turned in the chair to face her, looking up into her haggard face. "I thought you were asleep," he whispered though there was no reason to keep their voices down.

"I was for a little while," she replied. Kneeling down in front of him, she laid her head in his lap and Sully protectively leaned his body over top of her, his own head resting against hers. "I didn't mean what I said earlier."

"I know - ya were just upset," Sully replied, his voice stirring her hair.

"I love you," she whispered in a voice that warmed his heart. "Please don't leave me yet."

"Michaela I won't... I'm not goin' anywhere until all this is over."

"I was so horrible to you. I'm always horrible to you when things start going wrong." She stopped speaking abruptly, extricating her self from her current position. His eyes- she needed to see his eyes. Sully straightened up some and looked down at her bringing one hand to her cheek, softly stroking it. "Why do you put up with me?"

"'Cause no matter what you're thinkin' or feelin' or yellin'," he laughed after saying this and the merriment in his eyes eased the tension Michaela still felt. "No matter if you're kissin' me or tryin' to hit me, I still love ya. Ain't nothin' gonna change that." Sully slid out of the chair so that he could be beside her on the floor. Immediatley she moved closer to him, in order to rest her head against his shoulder.

"But why do you love me? I don't deserve it."

"Yes ya do," Sully said abruptly. His hand reached for hers and he entwined their fingers together. "God Michaela, why do ya beat yourself up like this?"

"I was so horrible Sully. I said things just to hurt you. My ring…" Her voice faded out as she choked back emotion.

"Michaela it was an accident. I'm gonna have the necklace repaired and then we'll put the ring back where is belongs." She moved her head so that it rested firmly under his chin and she closed her eyes letting the warmth of his body fill her.

"Why do we hurt the people we love the most?"

"I don't know," Sully said shaking his head. "Maybe cause we know that we can say anythin' to them and they'll still love us."

"I wish none of this had happened – I really wanted to tell him about us."

"We will as soon as he is well."

"You'll still be here then?" Michaela moved slightly so that she could see his face better.

Sully sighed deeply. "I don't gotta job to go back to so looks like I can stay as long as I want."

"Daniel will come around."

"I don't know Michaela. He's really angry."

"No, his pride is hurt and that is something different than being angry. I think Daniel truly thought that his having money would sway me."

"Which just goes to prove he don't really know ya cause look who you're sittin' on the floor with." Sully laughed but Michaela did not.

Rather her face grew serious as she lifted it from Sully's shoulder. She raised herself up on her knees and moved as close to Sully as she could get from this angle. Cupping his face in her hands, she turned it up towards her own. "I don't want you to ever think that I need money to be happy. You make me happy Sully- happier than anything ever has or ever will."

"Ya don't know that," he teased. "Ya can't know the future."

"I don't have to know the future. I know you and I know you will always make me happy." With this she descended upon his lips, as sweet relief flooded her body. Nothing had changed and nothing ever would she told herself.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

"Are ya happy?"

"Terribly," she replied as her fingers ran through the hair on his chest.

"Someday I'll give ya a proper honeymoon," he began but Michaela interrupted him.

"This isn't a proper honeymoon?"

"I meant take ya away somewhere nice," he explained letting his left hand trace the soft curves of her body under the sheet. Michaela shivered in delight and lifted her leg over top of his. "If I had the money ya know I would have."

"I don't care about money or about being somewhere nice. This is our house Sully. My whole life I dreamed of being here in this place in your arms. I never knew…" She looked up at him shyly as he waited for her to finish. "I never dreamed it would be like this."

"Like what?"

Michaela blushed deeply and shook her head, unable to put into words the myriad of feelings that now coursed through her. "So enjoyable," she whispered almost afriad to look up at him. Sully laughed delciously as his hand caressed the soft flesh of her bottom. "Do you realize I have to go back to work tomorrow? The children come home tomorrow?"

Sully nodded. "But it's not tomorrow yet," he teased. "So let's spend some more time makin' each other happy."

"Good idea," she said rolling onto her back and pulling Sully on top of her.

* * *

**Boston - December 17, 1854**

Sully felt frantic, his stomach tied in knots as he raced down the hall of the hospital. Clutched tight in his hand was the telegram from John. He had gone back to the Quinn house to retrieve a change of clothes for Elizabeth who insisted on staying at her husband's side as the situation became more desperate with each passing hour. While Martha had gathered the needed items, Sully waited in the foyer. His stomach instantly tightened when he heard the knock as if he knew that there was more bad news to come. Harrison had opened the door and taken the telegram from the messenger.

The envelope had his name neatly printed over top of Michaela's. His fingers shook as he opened the envelope, afraid of what might possibly be inside. Martha had returned with the bag as he read.

"Mr. Sully, are you alright?" she asked noticing how pale he had suddenly become.

"Fine," he said hastily turning to take the bag from her. Quickly, he departed the house, needing to get back to Michaela as soon as possible. The trip to the hosptial had been a blur as he read the words over and over again. With Josef still unconscious, he hated to bring Michaela more bad news but this was unavoidable- they were the only two who could help. Swiftly, he approached Josef's room ready to enter but was surprised when the door opened and Michaela greeted him with a cheerful hug.

"He's awake, Sully. He's awake." She let him go and stepped back to look at him.

"Really?" Michaela nodded and once again threw her arms around his neck. Sully held her tight for a minute feeling even worse for ruining her moment of happiness.

"What is it Sully?" Michaela asked sensing his hesitancy. She stepped back from him and leaned against the wall trying to get a read on his face. Sully dropped his eyes to the telegram in his hand and Michaela followed his gaze. "Sully?" she asked as fear crept into her stomach.

Sully looked up at her stuggling to speak. "It's Sarah…" he whispered. "She's been caught."


	87. Chapter 87

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eighty-seven**

**Boston – December 18, 1854**

"Sully are you listening to me? Sully!"

Abruptly he turned to look at Michaela, his brow wrinkled in concern. "I'm listening," he assured her. Michaela didn't continue though. She watched him, displeasure apparent on her face. "Go on, I'm listening."

Letting out a deep sigh, she turned back to the desk where several papers were scattered. "The lawyers name is…."

"Pratt," Sully completed her sentence for her. "You already told me that part. I am listening." His annoyance was obvious and Michaela sheepishly bowed her head as she continued.

"I've already arranged to have the money transferred so that part will be taken care of."

"What if there are further charges?" Sully proposed, his nervousness shining through.

"I've talked with my lawyer about that. He doesn't seem to think it will be an issue. They weren't technically captured on Anna's property." She caught herself as the words came out of her mouth. "I mean on my property. If there's a problem, send a telegram. Hopefully Father will be able to go home soon and then I'll feel a little better about leaving him." Sweeping the various papers back into a pile, Michaela cleared the desk. She placed the bundle aside and set the train ticket on top of it before turning towards Sully.

"I'll have to leave soon." Michaela nodded moving her head to the side. The last week had been wearisome at best. Sully's presence was the one constant source of comfort so the thought of him leaving was hard to accept. "Would ya like to take a walk?" he asked stepping closer.

"Too cold," she replied turning her body so that she could rest against Josef's desk.

"I'd like to be alone with ya for a little bit. Ya wanna come to the station with me?"

"I told mother that I would sit with father this afternoon." Michaela seemed to draw further and further away from him as she spoke.

Michaela are ya sure you're alright with this?" She didn't hear him; her eyes now focused out the window on some distant object. "Michaela?"

With a brief shake of her head, she snapped to attention. "Sorry what did you say?"

Sully frowned, unsure of what to make of Michaela's behavior. "I don't think I should go."

"Sully you have to go. I need you to do this for me."

"You're the reason I don't want to go." Michaela frowned at this statement, unsure why he was backing out now. "I'm worried about ya. You've barely slept since your father's illness. And I can count on one hand the times you've actually taken a bite of somethin' in the past few days."

Michaela smiled up at him, glad that it was only worry holding him back. "If I promise to sleep and eat, will you go?"

Sully considered her for a moment, wondering whether to say what was on his mind. He reached for her hand and brought it to rest on top of his heart. "It isn't just about that... I ..." Struggling with his own emotions, his voice faded as he looked deep into Michaela's eyes.

"Tell me," she whispered, his gaze overpowering her. He looked like a lost little boy standing there in the bright noonday sun. She couldn't resist raising her other hand to stroke his cheek.

"I leave you alone too much," he replied hastily dropping his eyes as if ashamed of his behavior.

"Sully if this is about what I said the other day..."

"Some of the things you said were true." Michaela started to protest but Sully silenced her with his fingers. "There's more... sometimes when I see ya with William or another man, my mind just runs away from me. I don't want it to but it does. I don't want that to happen if I go to help Sarah."

"You think I'm jealous of Sarah?"

"I don't think you're jealous of Sarah. I think both of our minds work overtime when we're apart." Michaela couldn't deny this but at the same time she refused to openly admit it. Removing her hand from his cheek, she began to nervously twist her hair purposefully avoiding his eyes.

"The door's unlocked," she said wriggling her hand free of Sully's grasp.

Sully watched her for a minute, more confused by her behavior. He was determined to get to the bottom of what was bothering her and that meant getting rid of all excuses. Crossing to the desk, he removed a key from the top drawer. Michaela watched him as he locked the door and returned to her side. "There," he said but he did not reach for her right away. "Ya gonna tell me what's wrong?" The sharpness of his gaze bore down upon Michaela cutting to her very heart.

"You're right – I don't want you to go." Her voice was hard for Sully to make out. "It's not about Sarah. I don't want you to think that. I trust you Sully. It's just…." Michaela's bottom lip began to quiver as she tried to maintain her composure.

This was what he was waiting for – the sign that she needed him. Stepping close, he pulled her small frame against his wrapping her in his arms. Neither spoke but Sully felt her shudder and then relax against him. He knew she was crying because he could feel the wetness soaking his shirt. This was what she needed - to release all the emotion of the last few days and he was determined to hold her until she had done just that.

"You have to go," she whispered after a few minutes of silence.

"I know," he whispered into her hair both feeling the gravity of the situation.

Michaela snuggled down even deeper against him as she began to speak. "Four years," she whispered. "I'm asking you to wait another four years and we can't even tell father right away."

"He ain't gonna be sick forever. I know the doctor said he should avoid all stress but that don't mean for the rest of his life." Michaela found herself laughing at Sully's words and the lighter mood felt good.

"You're right," she said pulling back a little to look at him.

Sully pretended shock. "Did Michaela Quinn just admit I was right?" This made her laugh even more and she playfully tickled him on the side. Sully's spirit soared seeing the fire back in her eyes even if only momentarily. I've got somethin' for ya."

Michaela regarded him quizzically but as the gold chain emerged from his pocket, she smiled broadly. "You had it fixed," she said obviously pleased with this development.

Sully nodded. "Where's your ring?"

Quickly she turned and opened the same drawer that Sully had extracted the key from earlier. She slid her hands in to the back and felt along until she found it. Sully opened the clasp of the necklace so that she could slip on the ring. Michaela turned her back to him, swiping her hair to the side as Sully placed it around her neck closing the clasp. He pulled her back against him, not even bothering to turn her in his arms. Michaela overlapped his arms with her own as she laid her head against him. "I'll have Rebecca stay with father until I get back from the station."

* * *

Marjorie slipped out of her father's room and started off down the hall, anxious to arrive home before Everett. He had not liked her frequent trips to the hospital over the past few days but he had allowed them. Yet now that Josef was better, he had insisted she be at home more, not wanting Adam exposed to what he thought were dangerous conditions at the hospital. She had left Adam at home today with the nanny, her trip only a short one so that she could return in order to feed him. 

A hand closed over her shoulder as she hurried along. She stopped not yet turning to face the person. "Marjorie," William spoke causing Marjorie to jerk away from his grasp. "I wanted to speak with you for a moment."

"William, I don't have time. I have to get home to feed Adam."

"It will only take a moment." He stepped backwards waving at her to follow him. Pushing her reluctance aside, she took a step forward as they headed down the hall to his office. William closed the door behind her as Marjorie turned to face him. All of a sudden he felt rather uncomfortable given the intimacy of the subject he wanted to broach with her. Nervously he shoved his hands into his pockets, pacing to the far side of the office.

"William, I don't have much time," Marjorie reminded him as impatience got the best of her.

"Right… well….umm… I wanted to speak with you because … I guess I should come right to the point." Again he shuffled nervously as he glanced up at her. Marjorie wasn't sure what to make of his words or behavior and she was starting to get annoyed. "I am concerned about you."

"I thought Everett made it perfectly clear that I'm not your concern." Her tone was biting although she felt an underlying sense of gratitude in her heart.

"Everett is my concern." Marjorie narrowed her eyes, wondering exactly what William had figured out about their relationship. "It's not good for you to have children one right after another. I know some men don't respect their wives as they should… and I know that Everett has been less than respectful in the past." He hesitated again, casting his eyes downward. "I simply wanted to tell you – there are ways to prevent…. well… pregnancy." The word slipped off his tongue as if it was something dirty and it made Marjorie feel unclean. She didn't speak which made William even more uncomfortable. "I could explain," he offered.

"I love my children William. Why wouldn't I want more?" She quickly put on her façade, determined not to let her own fears show through. The last thing she wanted was to spill her secrets to him.

"I realize but I didn't know… I though perhaps Everett was … demanding… I just…" He let a deep breath unable to continue for the moment.

"I appreciate your concern but I like being pregnant." What she neglected to tell him was the reason – it was the only time Everett left her alone. Still somewhere in the back of his mind was the thought that he had killed his own child and that was enough to stop him from physically harming her when she was in that condition. He also seemed less inclined to force himself upon her and that suited Marjorie as well.

"If you ever needed my help – you could come to me. You realize that, don't you?"

Marjorie smiled at him. "Thank you, I really do appreciate your concern but I really must go."

"Right." William stepped to the door and opened it for her.

"Good afternoon," she said slipping out into the hallway, relief washing over. Her shoes clicked against the tiled floor, the sound echoing in the empty hall.

"Yes, good afternoon," he mumbled indistinctly sure she could no longer hear him. He watched her leave, his heart still heavy inside of him. Something wasn't right with her. He had only courted her for a short time but the women that stood before him in his office did not have the same spark that he had fallen in love with years ago. That worried him deeply but he knew there was little he could do. She didn't seem to want his help and so he would have to let it go. Yet that didn't mean he wouldn't keep a close eye on her.

* * *

Michaela sat on the side of her bed leaning over to untie her shoes. Slipping them off, she rose and padded to her vanity. This morning she had arranged her hair up but Sully had pulled out various hair pins on the carriage ride, preferring her hair unfettered. The thought made her smile as she pulled out the remaining pins carefully placing them back in the small wooden container. The door of her room opened and Martha walked in carrying a bucket of water. She added it to the cooper tub and then tested the temperature with her finger. 

"It might need some cold added Miss Michaela," she said drawing her finger back.

Michaela crossed to the tub and stuck her hand in. "It's fine Martha. Thank you very much."

"Certainly, miss." With that she left, shutting the door behind her.

The water was indeed rather warm but Michaela was looking forward to it. The steam coming off the water invited her to shed her clothes and sink into its depths. Michaela wasted no time slipping out of her clothes, making a neat pile of them on her vanity chair. The only thing she left on was her engagement ring hanging around her neck on the chain. Raising her eyes, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. When she was a little girl, she would often look at herself in the mirror tracing the contours of her flat chest and wondering how one suddenly grew a figure. Elizabeth was displeased when she found her like that one day. Michaela had endured a long lecture on the importance of keeping her body covered and even now it somehow felt like taboo to be looking at herself as she was.

Letting her hands drop, she stood up tall letting her eyes wander down the full length of her body. Sully had said she felt thinner to him and indeed she could tell that she had lost some weight. Her rib cage was slightly more pronounced especially if she turned to the side. Looking down at herself, she brought her left hand up to run along her ribs. She stopped just under her breast and lifted her head to look in the mirror once again. The thought of standing in front of Sully as she stood now seemed frightening. True it was still a few years away but she couldn't help but wonder what he might think of her.

Thoughts of the heated carriage ride raced through her mind as the nerves in her body seemed to tingle with unfulfilled desire. The cool air finally became too much for her and she turned towards the tub, slipping into the inviting water. Still her mind swam with thoughts of Sully. She could still taste his kisses upon her lips. She could still feel his arms holding her tight against him, his hands wandering down her back and then back up again. A broad smile spread across her face as she lay back against the tub, her body sliding under the surface of the water. The feel of the water enveloping her further stirred each pore of her skin as strange longings rose up inside of her. The thought of Sully before her, his bare chest pressed against hers intrigued her for a moment. Even though no one could hear or see her thoughts, she blushed telling herself it was wrong for a woman to think like this. Slowly she lowered her face below the surface of the water. She held her breath for a moment and then slowly blew out opening her eyes to watch the bubble break the surface of the water. As her breath left her body, the tension of the past few days fled as well. Michaela stayed there until the pressure upon her lungs was too great. Then quickly she rose, slopping water over the side of the tub.

"Oops," she said to herself peeking over the edge at the mess she had made. She giggled feeling like a little girl before one again relaxing back into the tub. Letting her hand roam down her body, she found herself wondering what it would be like to have Sully touch her bare skin. She wrapped her arms across her chest as ripples of pleasure seemed to radiate from somewhere within. Her eyes closed, her head rolling to the side as sleepiness enveloped her. A knock on the door roused her and she assumed it was Martha. "Martha, the water is fine – I don't need any cold."

"Michaela, it's me," Elizabeth said, her voice carrying through the door sending panic into Michaela's heart.

"I'm in the bath mother. I'll be out soon." Her hand closed around the ring at her neck tugging it over her head, knowing Elizabeth would come in regardless of what she said. Sure enough the door opened and Elizabeth stuck her head in. Michaela balled the ring in her fist and submerged her hand under the surface of the water. "Mother!"

"Oh don't be silly Michaela. I've certainly seen you naked before. You are my daughter, remember?" Michaela did not reply but slid lower in the tub so that the water covered up to her neck. "I won't stay long…. I simply needed to ask you something. I thought you'd be at the hospital but Rebecca was there instead."

"Yes, she said she would sit with Father this afternoon so I could get some rest."

"That's a good idea – there's no reason for you to run yourself down." Michaela nodded but said nothing else in return. "I suppose there is no use in beating around the bush. I wanted to speak with you about why Daniel made such a hasty departure."

Michaela pressed her lips together hating to lie to her mother but not knowing how it would be possible to tell her the truth. "He received some bad news about his mine… had to return right away." Her words were mumbled and Michaela feared Elizabeth would see through the words but she seemed to accept them at face value.

"And Sully – did he return with Daniel?"

Michaela furrowed her brow unwilling for the moment to say a word. Elizabeth didn't know about Sarah's activities and Michaela feared telling her would not improve the slight disdain Elizabeth already held for the girl.

"I know the two of you fought."

Michaela's head jerked up. "We didn't fight," she protested wondering exactly what her mother had heard.

"Michaela, Rebecca told me you were upset because you and Sully had argued." Michaela relaxed letting out a deep breath, relieved that Elizabeth knew nothing more than that. "Did Sully leave as well?"

"He went to Maryland for me."

Elizabeth regarded her daughter quizzically. "For you?"

"My friend… Sarah … she helps slaves escape to freedom and she was captured." Elizabeth's jaw dropped open in shock. "She was caught near my property – there is a chance charges could be filed against me as well."

"This is exactly what you father needs," Elizabeth exclaimed turning her back to Michaela and crossing the room. "As if we don't have enough going on – you're running around freeing slaves."

Michaela rose up in the bath. "I'm not freeing slaves, mother – Sarah is!"

"On your property!"

"Anna did the same thing. She helped anyway she could – I want to help too."

"It makes me feel so much better to know that you want to follow in the steps of your loony grandmother."

Michaela felt her anger flare within her yet she did not raise her voice. "Don't talk about Anna like that," she growled.

Elizabeth turned to face her ignoring her last comment. "I suppose you'll be running off to Maryland now."

"No mother – that's why Sully went for me. Though if I'm charged with aiding in their escape – then yes I'll have to go."

Elizabeth snorted, shaking her head slowly back and forth in disapproval. "I don't know why you can't be like your sisters. You always have to prove something. Running around with men – competing with them. And now this fiasco. Michaela you need to get married – to settle down. You need to start acting like a lady. This nonsense has got to end!"

Michaela's eyes narrowed as she considered blurting everything out then and there. She wanted to – the only thing that held her back was the thought of her Father. He didn't need to know right now – it would be too much stress. "I'm never going to make you happy with my decisions. I quit trying to please you a long time ago." Michaela's voice was biting. She wanted to get out of the tub and face her mother head on but the ring still grasped firmly in her underwater hand prevented it.

A thick silence settled between mother and daughter as Elizabeth considered what Michaela had spoken so hastily. "Who are you trying to please Michaela?" The question was pointed, sharp like an arrow. It found its mark lodging in Michaela's mind to be revisited again and again. Elizabeth turned away from her and walked to the window. Absentmindedly she fingered the curtains as she began to speak. "Your father always had plans for you. He loved all of his daughters but in you he showed a special interest. You are amazingly like him. Maybe he could sense that right off. He wanted to please his father as well though I dare say for different reasons than you wanting to please Josef."

"Stop," Michaela whispered, her voice barely audible.

Elizabeth continued on as if she didn't hear her daughter. "He always said it's easier to conform than to move against the flow. For him being a doctor was conforming, marrying me was conforming." She turned now to face her daughter. "I think he always wishes that he went against the flow and now he is trying to do it through you."

Michaela wasn't sure why but her mother's words were upsetting her. She blamed it on her tiredness and longed for Elizabeth to go and leave her in peace. Each word was like sandpaper rubbing at the edge of already frazzled nerves. "Mother, please…."

Turning back to face her, Elizabeth pursed her lips. "I always thought he would leave you alone once we had Sully. A son – he wanted a son." These words crashed down upon Michaela like a tidal wave, obliterating everything in its path. Whatever Elizabeth was trying to accomplish by telling her daughter all of this, with this one statement she inflicted the most damage. There was in Michaela a profound sense of disappointment that she would never be what her father so desperately wanted. Yet that disappointment was nothing compared to the shame at realizing what she had neglected to see for the past few days. Sully was in many ways Josef's son. She bit her bottom lip hard as if trying to punish herself for selfish behavior. Never once had she considered that Sully was suffering as she was from seeing Josef hovering so close to death. This thought cut her to the quick as once again her own selfish actions were laid bare before her.

"Michaela." Elizabeth's voice sounded far away and distant.

"Mother, please leave me alone – I want to finish my bath and go to bed."

Elizabeth looked exasperated, doubting that her words had made any difference at all. "Yes you need your rest," she admitted turning towards the door. There was still so much she wanted to tell her daughter but she sensed that a wall had been erected. She would get no further today. "Sleep well." With those parting words she slipped through the door leaving Michaela alone with her torturous thoughts.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 21, 1854**

So far things were easy. The train trip to Baltimore was uneventful. Mr. Pratt had agreed to help with the case and had even traveled with him to Cambridge, hoping to settle things before Christmas day. Yet Sully could not fight the sense of unease that had settled over him. It had started last night; stray thoughts running through his mind as he posed what ifs over and over again. Now those thoughts had firmly taken root, locking his mind in a state of half fear. He tried to tell himself that everything would be fine- that the judge would hear the case and set the fine. Once that was done, they could pay it and Sarah would go free.

Mr. Pratt was a small man with a big booming voice, one that didn't seem to match his body particularly. He was talking to Sully, telling him what to expect in the actual courthouse though Sully's mind was a million miles away. They turned the corner of the dark paneled hallway unaware that someone stood on the other side walking in their direction. They both stopped short before they ran into the woman. "Sorry miss," the lawyer said his voice reverberating off the halls.

"No harm done," she said sweetly. Sully met her eyes and the fear inside of him grew. "I do believe you are Mr. Pratt." She extended her hand in his direction.

Mr. Pratt furrowed his brow unsure of where he knew her from. He shook her hand asking, "I'm sorry m'am, do I know you?"

"I doubt you remember me. We met at a party in Annapolis last summer. My husband, Judge Clayton Pennock, was sailing in the regatta." Sully's stomach lurched within him at this information. He tried to remain calm but he had a feeling that fear was now visible on his face.

"Mrs. Pennock, let me introduce my client –"

"Oh- I already know Sully." She smiled almost seductively as she spoke.

"You do?" Mr. Pratt asked.

"Oh yes – his sister killed my brother." The words were as sweet as her previous ones but Sully saw through her charade.

Mr. Pratt swallowed hard. "I'm sorry – did you say killed?" His eyes were large as he spoke, unsure whether to trust what he had heard.

"It was self defense," Sully interjected hastily.

"Yes of course. My brother did have quite a temper on him especially when he was drinking. Well if you two will excuse me." They both nodded. "I do hope your case goes well." With that, she pushed in between then gliding down the hall as if she were sailing instead of walking.

Mr. Pratt watched her go. "Who is that?"

"Clara Brooks – well I guess now it's Clara Pennock."

* * *

**Baltimore – December 24, 1854**

_To: Miss Michaela Quinn 10 Front Street Beacon_

_From: Byron Sully_

_December 20, 1854_

_Michaela,_

_Case heard this morning. Judge is married to Clara Brooks. Sarah is not to be released. Trying to prove she is escaped slave. Case continued until after Christmas._

_Sully_

Michaela read the telegram through once more, still unable to believe this strange turn of events. The train jerked along the track as it slowed in its approach to the station. It had been a hard decision for her to leave Boston especially with her father still rather weak. Rebecca had been the one to push her into going. They had told father about Sarah's capture but they had neglected to give him all the details. He had agreed that Michaela should go albeit reluctantly. Michaela assumed he was simply worried about her. She didn't realize that Sully's presence in Maryland had been the impetus for his hesitance.

In her bag were Sarah's papers, listing her as a Canadian citizen. They were falsified documents obtained through some of her abolitionist contacts. Michaela didn't want to use them and she would do everything in her power to avoid it. Yet if all else failed, she had brought them along as a safe guard.

"Michaela are you alright?" William asked looking over at her.

She raised her head. "Fine – glad to finally be here." William had heard she would be traveling to Baltimore and he had rearranged his own holiday plans so that he could travel with her.

Michaela's answer had not stayed off his worry. His brow was creased as he regarded her warily. He couldn't help but notice the gaunt hollow look her face had taken on and it concerned him greatly. The train finally came to a halt. Michaela rose, reaching for her bags in the rack above her. "I'll get that," William said reaching past her to pull it down.

"Thanks," Michaela mumbled feeling rather weak all of a sudden. William stepped through the compartment door first, moving carefully along the corridor. Michaela was having trouble keeping up. She held onto the wall for support finding each step harder and harder. Finally she emerged into the cool air of the train station and it seemed to rejuvenate her a little. Her eyes glanced back and forth as William reached up to help her down. She stepped gingerly, and her stomach lurched inside of her as she touched solid ground.

"Michaela are you sure you're alright?" William asked again. Michaela ignored his question; her only concern was finding Sully. She saw John first, the darkness of his skin standing out among the sea of fair faces. Sully was at his side, striding purposefully in their direction.

"Sully," she cried out as they approached. Without a thought for William or anyone else, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"Hey," he said as her arms close around him. This was the kind of greeting he always longed for but seldom received and so he reveled in it momentarily. Yet it was a short lived joy as worry took over. Even through the layers of coat and clothing he could feel how thin Michaela had grown and that worried him. "Ya ready to go?" he asked as she pulled back.

"Yes," she replied leaning over to hug John.

Sully turned toward William and took her bag from him. "I want to thank ya for comin' down with her." Sully had bristled when the arrangements were first made but it had been a relief to know she wasn't traveling alone. Now seeing her fragile condition made him all the more glad William had traveled with her.

William nodded and motioned for Sully to step aside a moment. "She's not well," he whispered low hoping Michaela wouldn't hear him. "She's barely eaten anything on this whole trip and her sleep is troubled."

"I can tell somethin' ain't right," Sully replied. "Thank you again William." William nodded as they stepped back towards Michaela and John.

"I'll say my farewells now," William said brightly. "And Merry Christmas of course."

"Yes, Merry Christmas," Michaela replied giving him a one arm hug ever conscious of Sully.

"Merry Christmas," John shook his hand as William nodded in reply.

"Thanks again William and Merry Christmas." They stood watching as William walked away. Once he was out of sight, Michaela turned to Sully. Unexpectedly, her stomach lurched again and she leaned her full weight on him. "Michaela?" he asked, grabbing her arm to help steady her.

"I don't feel so well," she muttered.

Sully quickly handed the bag to John and wrapped his arm around her. "Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of ya now."

* * *

**Colorado Springs – 1865**

The moon was full illuminating the ground between the barn and the house brightly. Michaela felt the heaviness in her chest as grief once again threatened to overtake her. She had lost her only ally – her only true friend in this god forsaken place. And now Sully and she had fought once again. The thought of going home to Boston crept up on her but she quickly dismissed it. Whether she was ready to admit it or not, this was her home now. Inside were three children who needed her very much. That thought scared her to death and she sunk to the steps of the porch wondering how she would ever make all of this work.

Her stomach lurched as she once again fought to keep down the meager meal she had eaten earlier. Exhaustion threatened to overtake her but she couldn't let it. There were still too many things to be done. Placing a hand against the step she pushed herself back up, determined to continue on even if it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Michaela." His voice snaked out of the dark grabbing her heart and constricting it tightly.

"Sully?" Slowly she stepped down into the yard searching the darkness for sight of him.

"It's me… I wanted to come by and see how ya were holdin' up."

"We'll be alright." Her voice was strained and Sully could hear it. He stepped closer taking her by surprise.

"Sorry didn't mean to startle ya." He looked up into her face and grew concerned. "Michaela are ya alright?"

She wanted to lie – to tell him everything was fine but she felt tired and weak unable to cover her own deficiencies. The moonlight seemed to play tricks on her mind, the shadow dancing as blackness threatened to engulf her. "I ...I don't feel so well," she said falling slightly forward. Sully reached for her, pulling her body against his in a warm embrace.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of ya now."

* * *

_Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Hope you enjoy!! _


	88. Chapter 88

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eighty-eight**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 24, 1854**

The boat ride from Baltimore had been especially rough on Michaela given her condition. At first she had gone down below, out of the cold and wind, but she found that only made her feel more nauseous. Despite Sully's protests, she reemerged standing on the bow looking out at the horizon so that her stomach might calm some. The trip which she usually enjoyed was sheer torture. There had never been a time when she had wanted off a boat more than when the dock of Anna's house finally came into view.

Sully jumped off the boat before her, taking her hand and helping her off. She leaned heavily against him as they picked their way up to the house; her fatigue growing stronger with each step. Ida opened the front door and stepped out on the porch, squinting to make them out. She wondered why they walked so slow but one good look at Michaela answered that question for her. "That girl done made herself sick," she whispered while they were still out of ear shot.

"Ida," Michaela said warmly trying to cover how she felt. "It's good to see you."

"Miss Michaela – I ain't gonna lie – ya don't look too good."

"I know," Michaela groaned leaning in to give her a hug.

"Don't worry- I knows just how to fix ya up." With that Ida stepped into the position Sully had occupied, wrapping her arm around Michaela's waist and gently guiding her into the house toward the stairs. Sully followed determined not to leave Michaela alone but Ida had different plans. "Go on down to the boat and bring up Michaela's bags." Sully hesitated for a moment. "Ya can leave her alone for a second," Ida assured him from the landing. Her voice was soft and full of laughter. Michaela felt like she was in heaven with all the attention she was receiving.

Yet even when Sully had returned with the bag, he had not been allowed in. For awhile he paced in the hall but he soon grew tired of that and moved down the stairs trying to distract himself with something to eat. That proved futile as well and he soon found himself pacing back and forth in the foyer.

Ida came down the stairs shaking her head and laughing softly to herself. From the landing she could see Sully downstairs pacing. "She ain't havin' a baby," Ida laughed.

Sully jerked his head in her direction. "Baby – we haven't - I mean."

"Calm down child. I was teasin'. Ya pacin' like a papa waitin' for his child to be born." Realization dawned on Sully and he let out a nervous laugh.

"Should I go for the doctor?" he asked.

"No ain't nothin' that child needs 'xept some sleep and food. She's plumb exhausted. I'm gonna make her a plate of somethin' that will sit easy on her stomach. Want ya to take it on up to her – maybe sit with her til she falls asleep."

"Are ya sure I shouldn't go for the doctor?" Sully asked once more, following Ida into the kitchen.

"Listen if she ain't better by day after Christmas then we'll go for the doctor – but trust me she's gonna be just fine." Sully nodded still wanting to get the doctor but willing to acquiesce to Ida's judgment. He paced again as she prepared the plate setting it on a tray to be carried up to Michaela. "That boy gonna wear a hole in the floor," she laughed to herself when she finally sent him from the room.

Sully hurried up the stairs splashing a little of the hot cocoa Ida had made over the edge of the mug. The need to assure Michaela was alright sat heavily upon him and he couldn't get to her fast enough. "Hey," he said, opening the door of her room. Michaela smiled and pulled herself upright in the bed. He tottered across the room carefully balancing the tray. With one hand he pushed the lamp back to make room on the bedside table. "Ida made ya some food and I'm supposed to stay to make sure ya eat."

Michaela let out a light laugh. "And if I don't?"

Sully knew she was teasing but he grew serious anyway. "Then I'm gonna go get the doctor."

Michaela's eyes grew large as she shook her head. "I'll eat." The sight of Anna's biscuits made her smile and she wasted no time in taking one. Yet she did not feel particularly hungry, her stomach still unsettled from the choppy boat ride. Taking small bites, she cut her eyes over at Sully who watched her every more. "Don't watch me eat," she said feeling rather self-conscious.

"Ida said I'm not to leave ya until you're asleep."

"Then eat something with me." She picked up a biscuit and offered it to him. He took it reluctantly and broke off a small piece, diverting his eyes momentarily. Sully waited giving her a few moments before looking back up. "I always forget how good these are," Michaela said cramming the last bite in her mouth. Sully smiled widely and took another bite of his own biscuit.

Next she reached for the cup of hot cocoa blowing on the surface before testing it against her lips. The temperature suited her and she took a small sip letting the rich frothy liquid run over her tongue. She downed the cup slowly, relishing the way it warmed her from the inside out. Sully wanted her to eat more but Ida had warned him against forcing too much at once. "Ya think ya can sleep now?"

She yawned reluctant to give into the exhaustion that had quickly settled upon her. "We need to talk about Sarah's case, about…"

"Shhh…" Sully reached over to softly stroke her hair. "We can talk about all that after ya rest."

Michaela slid down in the bed as Sully pulled the blanket up higher. "We need to talk," she said again this time through a yawn.

"I told ya - plenty of time to talk once ya get some sleep."

"I don't know that I can sleep," Michaela murmured her eyelids growing heavier by the minute.

Sully looked over at the open door and then back at Michaela, as he considered crawling into bed beside her. "Why not?" he asked, his voice soft and low.

"Bad dreams," she replied more alert than she had been a moment before.

"Wanna tell me?"

Michaela considered his offer, knowing that talking about it could help. Yet the dreams were irrational and she felt silly for being scared of them at all. "Not now." Sully rose and slipped around the other side of Anna's bed. He kicked his boots off onto the floor and propped himself up beside her. Michaela smiled sleepily up at him. "Ida isn't going to like this."

"Shhhh..," he silenced her brushing his fingertips across her lips. "Sleep now."

Michaela turned on her side away from Sully as his fingers slipped between the strands of hair finding her scalp. Lightly he moved in circles, relaxing away her cares and worries as Michaela gave into the floating sensation that enveloped her. Thoughts drifted across her mind causing her body to tense but Sully would whisper softly in her ear continuing his gentle caresses. Soon there was nothing to worry about, no one to take care of. She was here in her house, the place she loved most in the world. More than that, Sully was beside her the lilt of his voice encouraging her to relax, to let go. A warm sense of peace slipped through her body, flooding her soul in a soft light chasing away the darkness and demons of the last few days. "I love you," she whispered and she felt Sully's lips place a gentle kiss to her cheek.

Sully continued his caresses waiting for her breathing to become deep and regular; watching her eyelids for any flicker or sign that she was still awake. He had watched the transformation occur. Her face was no longer lined with concern, her body no longer tight with tension. An amazing sense of oneness with her washed over him as he realized that this was his destiny. Even if he did nothing else for the rest of his life, it would be enough to simply take care of her. With those thoughts warming his heart, he too drifted off to sleep.

**

* * *

Boston – December 25, 1854**

Josef looked down the table, his eyes stopping over the place where Michaela usually sat. Anne was perched there now – happy to be at the adult table for the first Christmas meal ever. Letting out a shaky breath, he frowned in displeasure imagining what was happening in Maryland as they spoke. Rationally, he knew that Sully would never push his daughter into an intimate relationship. Yet the gasp, the shudder of delight that he had heard from the library door still echoed in his mind. No longer was his daughter an innocent little girl – she had passions and longings that he wasn't aware of; desires that he could never fulfill. He knew it was normal to feel this way. After all he had four other daughters and every time he walked one down the aisle, he felt that slight bitter taste of jealousy as he passed his daughter off to another man. It was hard to relinquish what you had watched over and protected for years to someone else, especially when you doubted their abilities to do the same.

Yet even Josef recognized that what he felt for Sully at this moment was more than a normal father's reaction to a daughter's beau. More than that, he realized that his feelings were unjustified. Sully did not deserve the rage he felt against him yet he couldn't help himself. There was no squelching it but even more than that it grew, taking on a life of its own until he had made Sully into the villain. Being ill provided too much time to think and Josef had done little but run Michaela's current situation through his head. He refused to believe that his own daughter would lie to him unless she was under someone else's influence. In his mind this had to be Sully's doing. At this point, he still rested his hope on the thought that the relationship was still fairly new though all evidence pointed to the contrary. Josef did not realize how long he had been brooding and in essence frowning at Anne who sat in his daughter's place. Yet Elizabeth was watching the entire time.

"Josef are you feeling alright?" she asked rising from her chair preemptively.

Josef took a deep breath and raised his eyes to her, motioning for her to sit down. "I'm fine. A little tired is all and missing Michaela here."

"Sully as well," Rebecca added looking at the seat across from Michaela's where he normally sat at holiday meals. "I don't think I even realized how much I think of him as part of the family until he isn't here."

"Personally I'm pleased he isn't here," Maureen threw in, her nose held high in the air. "His table manners are atrocious. You would think that the years he spent here would have taught him something."

"He's a little rough around the edges is all." Rebecca set down her fork and looked nervously around waiting for her father to come to Sully's defense.

"A little rough?" Maureen laughed. "It's like eating across from an animal."

"That's mean," Anne cried out before her mother had a chance to respond. Maureen looked at her niece with disapproval but Anne didn't back down in the least, her eyes squarely fixed on her aunt's. "Sully would never say anything about you – though there is a ton he could say." Rebecca reached over and laid her hand on Anne's forearm in warning but Anne yanked away.

"Rebecca, are you going to let your daughter speak to me this way?"

Rebecca ignored her sister already mad at Anne for pulling away from her. "Anne, that's quite enough."

"Sully is nice and kind – not stuck up like you!" she screamed, ignoring her mother's protests. She didn't notice her father rising from her mother's side stepping ever closer.

Placing a firm hand on her shoulder, he growled back in his throat, "Anne, your mother spoke to you." She opened and then closed her mouth knowing the trouble she was already in would only increase if she continued. "Apologize to your aunt." It was not a request- she knew that but there was no way she was going to apologize to that woman. Tightening her lips firmly, she gave her head a brief shake feeling the pressure of her father's hand increase on her shoulder. "Anne." His tone was menacing yet Anne was not willing to comply.

"I won't apologize," she whispered dropping her eyes to the table.

"You will apologize or else you will leave the table right now."

Anne turned to face him accepting her punishment, unwilling to relent on her earlier words. This was for Sully the person she thought the world of. The person she wanted to marry someday. "Where should I go?" she asked meeting her father's gaze directly.

Robert was stunned for a moment. Anne had always been head strong but never had she refused to obey him once things had escalated to this point. "You will go and sit in Josef's office in the corner chair. You are to have no books or any other amusements. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir," she replied turning and marching out of the room in mock protest. Robert looked down at Rebecca and found the same bewilderment written on her face that he felt inside. She gave a gentle shrug of her shoulders as he returned to his seat.

"Well Rebecca seems you're raising another Michaela." Maureen laughed at her joke, smirking at her sister.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rebecca's brow was wrinkled not following Maureen's line of thought.

"Thinks Sully is the end all be all, knows better than everybody… course at least Michaela always listened to Father."

"That's enough," Elizabeth stated with authority, finally ending the argument. Rebecca glared over at her sister but spoke nothing more. She looked back down at her father feeling rather sorry for him. Knowing how Josef felt about Sully, the only explanation for his remaining quiet had to be that he simply wasn't feeling well.

**

* * *

Cambridge, Maryland – December 25, 1854**

The air was chilly, the sky gray and foreboding as they rode along towards the jail. They were supposed to go yesterday but with Michaela so ill, John had arranged with the deputy to visit on Christmas. Ida had spent a large part of the morning cooking and she had prepared a meal for the deputy and his family as a thank you. Truth be known that was the only reason he had agreed to do it in the first place. Ida was famous for her cooking.

Yet even that morning Sully had worried that Michaela still should not be out and about in her condition. Michaela having regained a good bit of her spirit in one night, pushed right past him with a defiant smile on her face insisting that she was going to see Sarah no matter what. Though he was still worried, it was good to see her feistiness back so he stopped arguing. After loading the food in the carriage, Sully had still escorted Michaela out wrapping several blankets around her against her own protests. Yet now as they rode along, she snuggled down deeper inside of them thankful for his careful attention to her.

Sully sat facing the women, his eyes fixed on Michaela watching for any sign that she suddenly wasn't feeling well. "Are ya alright?" he asked for the twentieth time since leaving the house.

"I'm fine," Michaela assured him once again.

"Lordy child, she probably feel like a new person after sleepin' for fourteen hours straight."

"I slept for twelve and I ain't even sick," Sully pointed out.

Ida clicked her tongue in slight disapproval. "And tonight you'll be sleepin' in your own bed."

"I already told ya that I fell asleep in there by accident. You coulda waken me up."

Ida shook her head but Sully could see a slight smile settling at the corners of her mouth. "Figure one night ain't gonna hurt nothin'. Ya both looked so peaceful – just couldn't bring myself to disturb ya."

"She's leavin' out the part where I told her to leave ya two alone," John called over his shoulder. Sully and Michaela both laughed as Ida cast her husband a perturbed look.

"Guess I'm not used to seein' that kind of fussin' over a woman." Deliberately turning to Michaela she added, "After they marry ya, they think they can ignore ya."

"I can hear everythin' your sayin' woman," John replied but they could all hear the laughter in his voice. Michaela smiled over at Sully, raising her eyebrows as if she were posing the question to him.

"Maybe some men just know how to treat a lady," Sully teased.

"Sully I wouldn't go over to their side if I was ya. Trust me, we's men gotta stick together."

"Yeah – ya better keep Sully on your side 'cause that's who you're gonna be sleepin' with if ya keep on," Ida warned, winking at Michaela. The light banter continued as they rode on making their hearts light and cheerful. When they arrived at the small building situated near the outskirts of the town, Sully bundled Michaela in first before returning to help unload the food.

Immediately Michaela went to the cell reaching through the bars towards Sarah. "Merry Christmas," she said brightly glad to see her friend unharmed. Deputy Rogers opened the door to the cell for Michaela and she quickly crossed the threshold hugging Sarah tightly.

"It's good to see ya," Sarah said in relief. "I'm real sorry to hear all that's been happenin' with Josef but glad he's feelin' better."

"Thank you Sarah. He really is doing much better. Now if we can only get the charges against you taken care of."

Sarah laughed. "I told Sully y'all shouldn't waste your time over this. I don't think we got much of a chance." She dropped her voice now looking over at the deputy before speaking. "I'm afraid ya just gonna cause more trouble for yourself if ya get involved."

"I don't care if they threaten to take my property."

"Michaela they ain't foolin' around – they be serious 'bout these charges. That's your grandmother's land – ya can't just be gamblin' it away."

"I'm not," Michaela protested. "Besides Anna would do the same thing. She would be proud that I was taking this stand." Sarah shook her head and shifted nervously to the other side of the small cell. "You know I am an optimist."

Sarah smiled up at her. "Yeah, I know. And ya know I'm not."

Michaela nodded. "Let's not think about all that today though. Ida has prepared a wonderful mean and the nice deputy here said we could have dinner with you so let's just enjoy the time together." As she spoke she flashed the deputy a smile and he shook his head turning away from the two girls.

As if on cue, Ida entered directing the men in setting up Christmas dinner in the cramped space. Within ten minutes, she had the carriage unloaded and a small wooden table set for five. Ida began to pass around bowls of food apologizing that it wasn't as warm as it could have been. No one cared though. Michaela looked around smiling to herself. Never had she thought she would be eating Christmas dinner in a jail cell but she was. It struck her how different this was from her life in Boston. Yet it also occurred to her that she was just as happy here as there, possibly even more so.

* * *

The day had been wonderful. The visit with Sarah was over too soon for any of their liking but they were grateful that they could bring her some holiday cheer. They had returned home to sit in front of the fire and sip cups of hot cocoa, no one wanting to think about what the next few days might hold. Yet as the night grew later, Michaela's thoughts grew darker. They needed to talk about what everyone had been so careful to avoid and she needed to apologize to Sully. Sully sensed the growing tension in her and though he agreed with Ida that she needed to go to bed as soon as possible, he gave into her when she asked him to stay up with her for a few more minutes. Ida hadn't warmed to the idea but there was little she could do to force either of them to go to bed. Trusting that Sully wouldn't let Michaela inflict more damage to her health, she left them alone following John up to bed.

They sat in silence on the couch as Sully waited for her to give him some indication of what was bothering her. He assumed it was about Sarah's trial but he didn't want to be the one to introduce any topic that might upset her. Michaela moved closer to him, drawing her feet up beside her on the couch as she snuggled down under Sully's arm. "I can't believe Clara's married," she remarked, her eyes settling on the dancing flames of the fire.

Sully nodded as he turned more to face her. "Yep – Ida says they got married last year."

Michaela made a face. "Last year? That means she was eighteen when they got married."

"Ya say that like it's shockin'. All the girls in Boston have their comin' out 'round age seventeen."

"Yes but no respectable girl accepts a marriage proposal right away. They usually wait until they are at least twenty."

"Not everywhere is Boston," Sully reminded her. "'Sides this is the judge's second marriage. His wife died last year in January – he was married to Clara in August."

"No!" The shock on Michaela's face at what she considered scandalous behavior made Sully laugh. "How old is the judge?"

"Least in his fifties I'd say."

"What would a man in his fifties want with a girl of eighteen?" Michaela wrinkled her nose up, her mind working over time trying to picture the two of them together.

Sully chuckled again thinking she was joking at first. Yet when he looked over at her, he could see that she was dead serious. "Think about it Michaela. What do ya think an older man wants from a pretty young girl?"

Taking his comment as insulting, she frowned at him but then it suddenly dawned on her. "Oh my!" she exclaimed, her cheeks turning a brilliant shade of pink. Sully watched her with amusement. "Why would Clara… I mean what can she possibly… ," she shuttered, purposely avoiding Sully's gaze.

"I think he wanted a young wife and she wanted money and power. Seems like an even trade." Sully laughed slouching further down onto the couch to get more comfortable.

"You shouldn't be so flippant about this," Michaela warned growing rather serious.

"I know how serious it is. I was the one in court remember?" Michaela could hear the slight edge in his voice and she immediately tensed. Sully sensed he had upset her and given her fragile state that was the last thing he wanted to do. "Sorry," he whispered hastily. "Guess I'm a little…"

Michaela interrupted him though. "You don't have to apologize, Sully. I haven't exactly been the easiest person to live with this last week or so." Sully turned to face her, reaching out to stroke her arm as he did. Sadness marred her face and he knew that she was keeping something in that needed to get out. "I forgot," she whispered casting her eyes downward.

"Ya forgot what?" Sully asked, confusion evident on his face.

"He's your father too." Sully swallowed hard at her words and withdrew his hand but only to cover his own face. Michaela looked up wondering why he had moved suddenly. "Sully?" she asked, concern obvious in her voice.

He made no reply at first which only served to worry her. Sitting up she reached for him, wanting to offer him the same comfort he had provided. Sully felt her hand upon his shoulder gently slipping across his back to wrap around him. A sickening feeling rose up in his stomach and he pulled away from her without thinking of the message he would send. "No," he whispered unsure how to deal with the surge of emotions that were coursing through his body and tearing at his soul. He knew he should turn to her and talk but he couldn't make himself.

1Sully grew silent for a minute while Michaela held her tongue anxious to reassure him but knowing he needed to get out what was bothering him. "When I said no to him adopting me, I knew what I was doin'. But he always treated me like a son so sometimes I forget. I ain't really his son."

"Sully, don't say that. Maybe not one born of blood or even adopted by the law but in his heart, Father regards you as a son." As the words left her mouth, she felt her stomach lurch again. That was what Josef wanted a son - not another daughter. "He always wanted a son, Sully."

Sully missed the sadness in her voice. She hadn't told him about the conversation with Elizabeth- about the feeling that she would never be good enough for either of her parents. Though she longed for Sully to hold her, though she needed to feel his acceptance, there was another part of her that bristled at the thought that simply because of his gender Sully was more appealing.

On the other side of the couch, Sully was fighting his own battle. He knew Michaela needed him but the hurt that he had suppressed all week came back with a vengeance. Michaela's words about her father being sick, his exclusion from the meeting with the doctor, even Josef's cool reception of him after he awoke - It all mingled in his mind creating an envy for Michaela's own cherished position in the family. Raising his head, he looked across at Michaela - how could he possibly be jealous of the women he loved so much. He needed a moment to compose himself, to sort out exactly what he was thinking and feeling. "I ...ah... umm...gonna go to the privy."

Michaela nodded watching him go and wondering what had changed between them. A sudden chill emerged between them and Michaela knew it was not only her feelings at the root of it. Yet even with her own envious thoughts, she needed Sully as much in this moment as she had ever needed him. He was the one constant in her life that accepted and loved her just as she was. The need to feel that love, to share that love urged her into action. The lights in the house had all been extinguished for the night save one lone lamp in the hallway and those in the morning room. Soundlessly she moved to the door, her bare feet making no sound against the hardwoods as she slipped into the kitchen.

She felt like a tiger waiting to pounce on its prey as she purposely took up residence near the kitchen door. The seconds ticked by slowly and it seemed like an eternity before she heard his hand on the outside knob. Sully entered as Michaela unexpectedly grabbed him, wrapping her arms around his neck and stretching up to place a firm kiss against his chilled lips. Instantly they warmed to her touch as he learned further into the kiss. One hand encircled her back, crushing her body against him as the other he held at the nape of her neck. Sully's breath caught in his throat reveling in the passion that Michaela had initiated.

The kiss did not break but grew into something that neither seemed able to control. Sully pushed into Michaela and slowly they backed up until the edge of the table was pressed against her. Sully lifted her, setting her down on the table's edge unaware of anything but the need to feel a tangible love. Michaela surprised herself by hooking her feet around his legs as she pulled him even closer to her. His hands began to wander and within moments he had found the buttons of her shirt. Michaela didn't tense in the least; she knew his routine. He would unbutton the top few enough to get at the ring and then he would stop. Yet when he didn't stop at two, Michaela did not protest. Sully worked a hand inside of her half open shirt, sliding it around her slim body and pulling her against him as he leaned over her, their lips and tongues well into the dance. It was only when he brought his hand to her side, moving towards the ribbon of her camisole that he stopped. The feel of each well pronounced rib startled him and he pulled back quickly breaking the heated encounter. Michaela felt him withdraw and she hastily pulled her shirt closed working to do up the buttons in the dim room.

"I'm sorry," he whispered his breath coming in gasps as he struggled to gain control of his body. Michaela was now softly crying, her arms crossed tightly across his chest. Sully swallowed hard feeling even worse that he had upset her. Tentatively he reached out his hand toward her but then drew it back, assuming her tears had to do with his forcefulness. "I would never…" he began but then couldn't finish his statement. He let out a deep sigh unsure of how to make things better.

Michaela jumped off the table and ran for the sink, expelling the contents of her stomach into the deep basin. Sully moved towards her scared to touch her but at the same time unable to stand by unmoved. He pulled her hair back holding it out of the way as she retched once again. As Michaela straightened up, neither was sure what to do. The situation was spiraling out of control as their communication waned. "Are ya alright?" he whispered letting her hair go only to place his hand against her back.

Michaela sniffled loudly and Sully instinctively pulled her against himself. This only served to make her cry harder and Sully wasn't sure whether to continue holding her or let her go. "Did I… frighten ya?" he asked. He could feel her head shaking as she pressed against him. That was all he needed to know at that moment. Gently he lifted her and carried her out of the kitchen toward the morning room. He set her down on the couch and began to move away.

"Don't go," she whispered clinging to his shirt.

"Just gonna throw another log on the fire. You're freezin'." She let go of him watching as he stoked the fire adding more wood to rebuild a cozy blaze. When he returned he sat on the end of the couch taking her feet into his lap and warming them in between his hands. "I'm sorry," he apologized again. "I didn't mean to frighten you in the kitchen."

Millions of thoughts swirled around in her head each fighting to get out. There were much more important matters to be discussed but it seemed easier to talk about this one first. "You didn't …. I thought… do I…." Sully didn't need to look up to know she was biting her bottom lip. Yet he turned his head to smile at her trying to encourage her to go on. "Why did you stop?" she asked dropping her gaze to her hands.

"Cause I felt how thin you are and that scared me. You're sick Michaela. Ya don't need me actin' like that." He bowed his head, ashamed of his previous actions. Michaela relaxed and Sully felt the tension leave her legs. "Why did ya think I stopped?"

Even with her face turned down, he could see the blush on her cheeks. "Michaela?"

"I well... sometimes... do I please you?"

Sully couldn't help laughing even though he knew he shouldn't. Michaela looked up at him frowning, a look of hurt on her face. "Sorry," he said hastily. "You please me... you please me very much... sometimes too much," he added cheekily. It made Michaela smile though and for that he was glad. Yet still the real issues lay between them still unexpressed. Both knew that encounter had more to do with covering emotions than it had to do with actual pleasure. "What's wrong?" Sully asked, noticing the dark shadow that descended upon her face.

"Have you ever been jealous of someone you love?" she asked cutting to the heart of both of their dilemmas without even knowing it. Sully continued his slow methodical rub of her feet, nodding his head but not looking up at her for the moment. "When I was little there was a girl in my class at school who had the most beautiful curly hair. I wanted hair just like hers and I used to try so hard to make my hair curly. Martha would rag roll it for me but it never held. I even tried wrapping it around thread spools. That didn't work either. Father used to tell me that I should be thankful for how I was made and not wish to be something else..." Her voice trailed off as she thought about the irony of that statement. "I know it's wrong to be jealous but sometimes I can't help it," she added after a few moments.

Sully chuckled. "Think that's what makes us human."

Their eyes met and the intensity Sully found there held his gaze. "I'm jealous of you," she said feeling truly free in her admission.

"Why?" Sully was perplexed as to what he could possibly have that Michaela would be jealous of.

Searching his eyes for any sign of judgment, she found none. With a sigh or relief, she relaxed back against the arm of the couch. "He's always wanted a son - I can never be that to him."

She didn't have to say who the he was; Sully already knew. "Ain't gotta be jealous of me. Think I'm probably a disappointment- think that was true minute I left school. 'Sides don't think it matters that you're a girl - Josef couldn't be prouder." Michaela grew quiet as she considered his words. Sully gave a little laugh startling her out of her silent reverie.

"What?" she asked amused by the look on his face.

He grinned up at her sheepishly, his hands still holding her left foot. "Just thinkin' how funny things are. Here you're afraid to tell me about your feelins when I feel about the same." Michaela raised her eyebrows questioningly and Sully continued. "I was jealous of you 'cause well Josef's the only father I've every known and..."

"And we were all so horrible to you including me. I didn't even stop to think about the way you felt about everything that was going on." Her words tumbled out quickly but Sully could hear the sincerity in every word.

"Don't matter. I have a feelin' things are gonna change anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Once we tell him about us," Sully said his eyes focused on the fire.

"Nothing's going to change," she said trying to sound optimistic. "Father will be thrilled about us."

Sully raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. "Ya sure about that?"

"Doesn't matter what he thinks," she covered quickly. "You're one of the only people who loves me just as I am - I'm not sure I can even say that about my father."

Sully breathed in deeply readying himself to ask a question he knew they would have to face sooner or later. "What if Josef isn't happy about us? What if he does something drastic?"

"He won't," Michaela said again trying to reassure them both at the same time.

Sully nodded unwilling to upset her further but knowing full well that Michaela didn't completely believe what she was saying. "About what happened in the kitchen," he began choosing to change the subject.

Michaela let out a light sigh. "It was as if I had all these emotions and I just needed to get them out in some way. I think that was some kind of release for both of us."

"Not the right kind," Sully added remembering her tears.

"No not the right kind," she agreed. "I guess we can't solve our problems just by kissing."

"Or doing other things…" Michaela dropped her head once again, blushing horribly as she realized it had been Sully not her who had stopped the progression of their encounter. Sully could read her thoughts and he reached up to grab her hand giving it a light squeeze. "We just needed to feel close to one another… ya didn't do anything wrong." He stood quickly causing her feet to tumble to the floor. "Now come on, I'm taking ya up to bed." With that he leaned over and picked her back up in his arms carrying her all the way to her room.

* * *

**Somewhere in the Pennsylvania countryside – 1858**

Michaela settled down beside Sully wanting to reach over and touch his arm or at least pull herself closer to him. Yet Josef's foreboding presence on the other side of the compartment kept her at a distance. She kept her eyes trained downward, unwilling to see the disappointment in her father's eyes once again. Nonetheless, she continued to tell herself that he would come around. He was only angry that they had lied and kept their relationship a secret for so long. She simply couldn't accept that he would be against them completely.

Josef watched his daughter, knowing she was purposefully avoiding him. When Sully reached over and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together Josef tried to remain calm. It wasn't enough that they had lied or kept such a secret – now they insisted on flaunting their relationship at every turn. Josef turned to look at the passing countryside as a cool resolve settled deep within him. Forcing them apart would accomplish nothing – this anger that he had expressed after the last few days had to be controlled. More could be accomplished by making them believe he was on their side.

Michaela glanced up as he turned back to face them. "Michaela, Sully – I need to apologize…" He stopped taking a deep breath before continuing on with his charade. "This has all been quite a shock."

"We understand," Michaela replied, a small ray of hope rising inside.

"I need time to process all of this but I love you both. I want the best for you both. I just want you to know that." Michaela squeezed Sully's hand as she smiled over at her father. Sully smiled as well but inside he wasn't quite sure whether to take Josef's words at face value.


	89. Chapter 89

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Eighty-nine**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 26, 1854**

Dinner was over, the kitchen already cleaned. Ida sat on the couch patching a pair of John's work pants. Meanwhile, John sat near the fire watching Michaela and Sully play a game of chess. He had never played chess before but it was obvious to him that Michaela was the stronger player, though Sully was certainly putting up quite an effort.

"Checkmate," Michaela squealed with glee for the second time in the past hour. Sully shook his head, his eyes still glued to the board. "Do you want to play again?"

He raised his eyes to her, a frown on his face. "Don't ya think beatin' me twice in one night is enough?"

Michaela chuckled. "You're not being a sore loser, are you?"

"Glad to see you're feelin' better," Sully returned reaching over to tickle her side.

Michaela pulled away from him, her hands reaching for the chess pieces so that she could put them back in their box. Sully watched her methodic movements as a silence settled across the room. Each person could feel the tension but no one wanted to speak about it. Tomorrow would come the judge's decision in Sarah's case and possibly further charges directed at Michaela.

"Gettin' rather late," John remarked. "Suppose we should turn in – gonna have a big day tomorrow." Sully nodded feeling the tension that he had stayed off all day return to his body. He looked across at Michaela, seeing the slightly troubled look on her face and wanting to take it away.

An unexpected knock came to the front door at that moment causing each of the room's occupants to look up with surprise. "Now who could that be at this time of night?" Ida asked already setting down the sewing to answer the door.

John stopped her though. "Better let me go Ida." They all watched as he left, unconsciously holding their breath for news. It was rare for them to have a visitor and a visitor at this time of night had to mean bad news.

Michaela looked over at Ida as a thought crossed her mind. "Do you have any women ready to give birth?"

Ida shook her head. "Closest one still two months away – if it's her, God have mercy."

Michaela nodded her head and then looked back down, anxiously sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. Sully reached over to take her hand and she moved instinctively closer to him, seeking the comfort she knew he would offer. Two sets of footsteps in the hallway caused them all to look up expectantly at the door, wondering who could possibly be here. The door opened and John stepped through with Clara on his heels. "Miss Clara came to call on Miss Michaela," John said his eyes narrowing as he spoke. Michaela stood and Sully with her, still holding onto her hand.

"Now, John you're announcing me like I'm still a little girl. I am a married lady know you now."

John mumbled something under his breath that sounded distinctly like, "Still a child to me."

"Why are you here?" Michaela asked cutting to the heart of the matter.

"I stopped by to speak to you – I have some useful information for you." Clara had a smug look on her face, one hand on her hip and the other fingering a strand of pearls at her neck. "I wanted to speak with you alone." Michaela looked over at Sully who gave a slight shake of his head, unwilling to let this woman upset her further.

"It's okay," she said squeezing Sully's hand. "I'll only be a moment."

Sully reluctantly let go of her. "I'm gonna be right at the door of this room if ya need me," he warned more for Clara's benefit than Michaela's.

Michaela smiled at his protectiveness then turned picking up an oil lamp from the side table. "We'll go to the library," she informed Clara heading towards the open door. Silently the two women made their way down the hall. The library door was open from earlier when Michaela had retrieved the chess game and she quickly stepped through with Clara right behind. Silently she moved through the room, setting the lamp on the desk, its glow barely staving off the darkness. Michaela found matches in the top drawer of the desk and lit another lamp so that more of the room was cast in light.

"I suppose I should get right to the point," Clara said perching herself on the edge of the desk as she watched Michaela walk over to light one more lamp.

"Please do." A slight trace of annoyance could be heard in Michaela's voice but she never turned to look at Clara as she continued her quest for more light.

"As I am sure Sully has informed you, my husband is the judge in this girl's case."

"Her name is Sarah," Michaela corrected.

"Right … Sarah," she said with contempt. "I overheard him earlier today with a visitor and I believe that charges will be brought against you as well… she was found on your property with the escaped slaves."

"Near my property," Michaela corrected.

Clara waved her hand through the air as if Michaela's words were inconsequential. "I could make this easier for you and for the girl." Michaela turned now to face Clara fully wondering what deception she would suggest now. "I could speak to my husband – convince him that you are really a very charming young woman who would never in a million years be caught breaking the law."

Michaela narrowed her eyes. "I suppose you would be doing this out of the goodness of your own heart?" Her words had a sarcastic bite.

Clara let out a light laugh. "We both know that my interest lies in what others can do for me." She cast Michaela a malignant look, her face taking on an almost devilish appearance. "I want my land back."

Michaela nodded taking her time as she strolled back towards the desk. "Back to that, are we?"

"It's very simple. You deed the land back to me – I make all of your as well as Sarah's problems go away."

"What makes you think I would even consider that offer?" Michaela asked, her face set with a look of defiance.

"Because you don't fool me. You might want everyone to think you're a Boston lady, pure and uncorrupted but my brother told me all about you. I know why you killed him."

"Your brother was deranged- whatever he said was a lie."

Clara pursed her lips together. "I can make things worse for you as well," she added casually.

"I believe I have heard enough of your offers for tonight. I'll take my chances in court thank you." She strolled purposefully to the door expecting Clara to take the hint.

Clara walked toward her, buttoning a coat back around herself. "You may want to reconsider – I'll be in the courthouse tomorrow if you change your mind." She stopped in front of Michaela looking her up and down. "We aren't so different you know."

Michaela felt rage fly into her. She had managed to remain calm for the entire meeting but now she felt as if she was losing it. The thought that Clara was comparing the two of them made her extremely angry. She let out a snort as she stared Clara down. "That's where you are wrong – I'm nothing like you."

Clara gave her a knowing look and then a little shrug of her shoulder as she moved past her out of the library and towards the front door. "We both know what we want and we'll go after it at any cost. "

"That may be so," Michaela acknowledged. "But I believe the difference is in the things we want and in the methods we are willing to use to achieve what we want. I would never break the law."

With a secret smile on her lips, Clara opened the front door and then turned back towards Michaela. "So you aren't lying about killing my brother?" With that she slipped through the door closing it swiftly behind her. Michaela went to the window. She didn't want Clara to see her peeking out and so she tilted her head back and forth in order to watch her through the curtain. She ascended into a grand carriage and the driver set off quickly down the lane.

"Michaela?" Sully's voice called from down the hall. Michaela turned seeing his form moving towards her in the dark. "Are ya alright?"

"Fine." Michaela moved back towards the library to extinguish the lamps as Sully followed her.

"What did she want?"

"The Brooks farm back. And to remind me that my property is on the line as well." She spoke casually – a little too casually for Sully's liking.

"Ya don't sound worried," he commented leaning back against the wall near the door.

"I'm not – if my property is really on the line than she could have her farm back. She wouldn't come here and try to blackmail me essentially. If the government takes my property than she can buy her land back."

"True but it would be free if she got it from you."

"They have money – do you think that matters to her? She wants the land back anyway she can get it."

Sully shook his head and smiled. "You're so smart." He looked over at her and winked. Michaela blushed slightly as she picked up the last lamp. "So you're not worried?"

"I didn't say that. She knows something about Thomas' death that she isn't saying. That's more worrisome than all this business."

Sully's face grew troubled. "What does she know?"

"She didn't say – maybe nothing. Clara certainly could be trying to shake me up but if it was to get out that Ida…" Her voice trailed off here and she set the lamp down again on a nearby table so that she could move into Sully's embrace. Sully pulled her tight against him, gently stroking her back with his other hand. "Don't say anything to them," she whispered. "Not yet anyway."

"I won't," Sully agreed.

"I am keeping them out of this at all costs." Her voice was decisive and Sully knew better than to argue. Michaela waited though expecting him to try and talk her out of it. "You're not going to argue?" She tilted her head back and looked at him.

"Nothin' to argue about," he laughed. Michaela stretched up to place a firm kiss to his lips and Sully eagerly responded. It was nice being able to freely express their love for one another like this and they both enjoyed the moment. When they finally broke apart, Sully brought his finger up to trace the outline of her lips. "Ya ready for bed?" he whispered lightly nuzzling her ear.

Michaela shook her head as she moved her eyes downward. "Will you stay up with me for a little while longer?"

"Of course," Sully agreed, he let go of her and reached for the oil lamp. "Come on – let's go play another game of chess."

"I might even let you win," Michaela teased.

"No you won't," Sully returned and they both laughed, grateful for each other.

**

* * *

Boston – December 26, 1854**

Rebecca turned sideways to look at herself in the mirror, her fingers lightly brushing over her abdomen as she considered whether to tell Robert her suspicions before confirmation from the doctor. The door of their bedroom opened and Robert slipped through. "Is he alright, darling?" Rebecca asked turning in his direction as she dropped her hands back to her sides.

"Oh - fine. Needed a drink of water was all." He crossed to the bed and slipped between the covers looking longingly over at his wife. "Are you planning on joining me this evening?" She turned to see the suggestive look on his face and nodded. Scampering across the room, she climbed in beside him, snuggling up to his body for warmth.

"Did you still want to talk about Anne?" she asked running her hand across his chest.

Robert already had one hand on the top button of his wife's nightgown as she spoke. He cleared his throat and smiled at his wife. "I suppose we should even if other activities sound more appealing." Propping herself up higher in the bed, Rebecca turned on her side to face him. "I spoke with her this afternoon about the incident with Maureen again. I told her that I really thought she should send her aunt a written apology but she refused." Rebecca giggled. "Do you think her disobedience is funny?"

"No, no – you know better than that. I can't help but to think that she does remind me of Michaela with her flat refusal."

Robert laughed as well. "I suppose the Quinn family breeds stubbornness. Anne says she'll take whatever punishment we see fit but she isn't going to write a letter or apologize." He frowned, his eyes staring across the room at the fire. Rebecca reached over and stroked his arm but received no response.

"What's wrong?" she asked wondering what made him so preoccupied.

"Anne's continued fascination with Sully… she told me today that she loves him. Do you think that's normal?"

"I think all little girls think they are in love with some older man at one time or another. It's a stage."

"But this one has lasted so long and…"

"And what?" Rebecca asked hiding a smile.

Robert turned to face her with his own secret smile upon his lips. "I haven't forgotten about you as a young girl peeping at me from across the room."

"I didn't peep," Rebecca protested.

"All my friends used to tease me about you." Rebecca giggled as if she was that school girl again. "I used to tell them that you were simply a cute little girl that I liked to humor."

"So what happened?" asked Rebecca running the instep of her foot up his leg.

"You grew up," he laughed. "I still remember that Christmas party at your parent's house… I had been in New York since the summer so I hadn't seen you in a long time. Gerald nudged my arm and warned me of your approach and I turned expecting to see a little girl in hair bows but…" Robert stopped, a wide smile gracing his face.

"What?"

"You weren't a little girl anymore."

"So you think Sully will one day realize that Anne isn't a little girl anymore?" Rebecca asked, knowing that Robert was clueless about Michaela and Sully's relationship.

"Stranger things have happened – there's ten years between us. There would only be nine years between them." Rebecca broke out in a fit of laughter rolling back and forth on the bed. "Do you think I'm being that ridiculous?"

"No, it's not that sweetheart. You don't have to worry about Sully and your daughter." Robert raised his eyebrows at her. "He's already engaged to Michaela."

"What?" Robert exclaimed, the shock evident on his face. "Wait a minute… did you say Michaela?"

Rebecca nodded bringing a finger to his lips. "But no one knows so you can't say anything," she cautioned.

Robert looked stunned and slightly taken aback as he asked, "Do you have any other shocking news you would like to tell me while we're at it?"

Rebecca moved away from her as if she was preparing to go to sleep. "Oh did I mention that I think I'm pregnant?"

"We're having another baby?" he asked pulling her back towards himself.

"Well I'm not sure... but I do suspect..."

Robert smiled widely and pulled her to him. "You make me so happy Becca so completely happy." His words were sincere and they warmed Rebecca's heart. Quickly he let go of her turning to look down at her face. "You are happy about this, aren't you darling?"

"Of course I am," she assured him. "I love having your babies, nursing them, taking care of them. When I married you I thought I could never be happier but every time we have another child, I discover more and more what happiness really is."

Robert laughed and Rebecca looked up at him questioningly. "I don't think you are a thing like your sister Michaela." An odd look came across his face. "Well maybe I should revise that statement given the new information I received this evening." Rebecca smiled. "Well you wouldn't be very popular at those meetings she attends anyway.

"Probably not... though Michaela says they aren't against the family- they simply wish women had more of a choice."

"I thought your sister would never marry. I really believed that she thought men were the devil… and come to find out she's engaged."

"And quite happy in it," Rebecca added. "I have a feeling some of the women at her meetings won't be very happy with her when it all finally comes to light. Their star won't shine quite as brightly when she is married with a family even if she still is a doctor."

"Do you ever wish you had more of a choice dear?" His voice sounded almost whimsical as he lightly stroked her abdomen.

"I would gladly choose to be right where I am," she replied as she turned towards him. Robert closed the short distance that separated them placing a hungry kiss to her mouth.

"Good answer," he laughed before moving in once more.

**

* * *

Boston – 1864**

Michaela swallowed hard against her own rising emotion, determined not to cry for her sister's benefit. Rebecca lay sideways across the bed her body encased in black. The grief in the room was palpable and each breath felt labored because of it. There seemed to be no end to Rebecca's emotion and Michaela was at loss for how to help her. She continued to rub her sister's back wishing she could take away the pain. "It's going to be alight," she whispered not really mindful of what she was saying, simply speaking the first thing that came to her mind.

Rebecca sniffled loudly and looked up at her. "Nothing will ever be alright again," she replied with a look of rage.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean… I was simply…" Michaela's voice trailed off uncertain of how to correct her mistake.

Rebecca sat up to face her wiping at her eyes and trying to compose herself enough to speak. "I just miss him so much." She dropped her eyes forlornly, her shoulders shaking with another strangled sob.

"We all do," Michaela assured her. "This place feels so empty without Robert."

Rebecca looked around the room – this was their bedroom. She took a deep breath trying to stave off the loneliness but it felt like a never ending battle. "This is the first time I've been in here since he died." Rebecca's voice was weak but she pressed herself to speak hoping that letting out her feelings would help her grief. "I've been sleeping in Anne's old room- I can't face this place without him." She paused letting her hands roam over the bed, gently fingering the coverlet. "Everyone misses him, I know that. It isn't like I'm grieving alone. The children miss him and his sister, Ella… and my family… his friends… I don't know how to explain it – maybe my loss is like theirs but it doesn't feel the same to me. They lost a father, a friend, a brother… I lost my best friend Michaela and more than that… I lost my lover."

Michaela felt her cheeks warm and knew she had blushed but if her reaction was noticed by Rebecca it didn't deter her from continuing. "He knew me as no one else ever did. When I first came to live here – that was the first time in my life that I really felt free. I love our parents Michaela but they are both so controlling- so overbearing. Robert never was – I could be myself…. When we were together…" She turned now looking deep into Michaela's eyes. "I was never so happy as when I was pregnant with our babies… oh God Michaela he's gone forever…." She threw her head down on the bed, the tears returning twofold as she pounded her hands against the mattress. Michaela placed her hand against her back once more but her mind was a million miles away.

Rebecca's words stirred longings deep inside of her, longings she tried to keep buried. At this instant, they surged to the surface, choking out all other grief as her desire to be known like that – to be loved like that came to the forefront. Babies – she wanted babies and a family and a bedroom to share with her husband. She had always wanted that but someone had convinced her to suppress those desires, the same person who had essentially chased Sully away. Controlling – overbearing… these were words Michaela didn't want to be true about her father but they were. Rebecca's use of them had freed her to admit the same thing. Freedom was not in Boston for her and it never would be. Michaela knew that her freedom – the chance to be exactly who she was- lay with one man, the only question was did he still feel the same.

**

* * *

Cambridge, Maryland – December 27, 1854**

Michaela sat down feeling the extreme upright angle of the wooden bench press hard against her back. There were no cushions on the benches, simply rough hewn wood that she knew would pick at the taffeta of her dress. "Not very comfortable is it?" she asked turning to Sully with a frown.

"I could get a blanket from the carriage for ya." He was already standing and taking a step backwards when Michaela grabbed his arm.

"I'm fine - it was simply a comment." She laughed softly and Sully joined in as his eyes lovingly watched her. In three days time Michaela had made a remarkable recovery, proving Ida's theory that it had simply been stress combined with not eating and sleeping properly. Now with Ida and Sully watching her every move, she had been unable to neglect either. A rosy hue once again appeared naturally on her cheeks as they sat in the court room waiting for Sarah to be brought in. The room was chilly and Michaela moved unconsciously closer to Sully so that their thighs now touched. Sully ran his hand down to his knee lightly brushing the side of her leg on purpose. In turn he received a secret smile from Michaela as they both tried to keep their mind off what would happen in the next few moments.

"I hate it that Ida and John had to sit in the balcony," Michaela whispered, disgust obvious in her voice.

"I know," Sully agreed. "But it's like they said- today ain't a day to be rockin' the boat."

"Sometimes the boat needs rocking," Michaela replied her eyes fixed straight ahead. "And perhaps I'm just the person to do it."

"Michaela, keep your head – ain't no reason to be impulsive."

She cut her eyes over at him as she responded, "Don't worry – I plan on losing nothing today."

Sully could hear the determination in her voice and it made him laugh. Their attention was drawn to the left as a side door opened in the room and Sarah was led in. She wore a dress that Michaela had brought to her instead of the men's clothes she had been arrested in. The dress was a rich green velvet and it set off the color of her skin beautifully. Her hair was pulled up and secured with hair pins but her natural curls were already escaping giving her a sort of wild unbounded look. Michaela thought she was radiant. She rose when her friend entered and stepped forward so that they could speak.

"Ya look a lot better," Sarah laughed, excited that Michaela was in court with her today. It was nice having Sully there but for a reason she couldn't quite put her finger on, it was even more comforting to have Michaela's present.

"I feel much better." Sarah smiled, a look of peace settling over her face. "How do you feel about today?"

"I told ya yesterday that I don't expect much. And ya better listen to me and stay out of it as well."

Michaela glanced over her shoulder and then stepped closer to the bar. "Clara came to see me last night – I think I'm already in trouble so there really isn't much of a reason for me to stay quiet."

With a low sigh, Sarah hung her head. "Dammit," she cursed. "I wanted to keep ya out of this." She looked up at Michaela seeing the blush that had settled on her cheeks. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"It's alright," Michaela assured her. "I'm simply not accustomed to…"

"Such language from a lady," Sarah finished her sentence imitating her Boston accent. Michaela smiled slyly cutting her eyes over at Sully who was failing to suppress his own laughter.

"Good morning Sarah, Miss Quinn," Mr. Pratt said warmly as he walked over from the opposing councils desk. "I'm afraid I have some bad news…"

"They are planning on charging me as well," Michaela said before he could get the words out of his mouth.

"How did you know?" He looked from Michaela to the other side of the room and back again.

"I had an unexpected visitor last night." Mr. Pratt gave her a questioning look. "The judge's wife," she whispered leaning in closer.

"That's simply dirty. I can ask that the judge recuse himself." Mr. Pratt looked doubtful that this was actually a good idea.

"I trust you will do what is best," Michaela said. With those words the judge entered and she quickly slipped back beside Sully, sitting when the judge did as well.

"I was prepared to rule on this young woman's case this morning but I believe that new charges are to be brought. Mr. Traver?" The judge directed his attention to the man at the other desk. Michaela looked to the right as well, her eyes catching the shock of blond curls that belonged to Clara. She felt Sully's hand close around hers and she relaxed leaning further into him.

"That's correct your honor." A squat man stood from the other table, looking over his shoulder in her direction. "Miss Michaela Quinn is present in court today and since it was her land that the runaways were found on, we request that she be charged as well."

Mr. Pratt stood quickly. "Your honor, the runaways were not found on Miss Quinn's property. There is no reason to bring further charges."

"Your Miss Quinn and Miss Defort are friends. Does Mr. Pratt really expect us to believe that Miss Quinn was not assisting in any way?" Dramatically he paused, turning to face the balcony of the courthouse. "If it wasn't Miss Quinn helping perhaps it was the caretakers of the house."

"No!" Michaela shouted standing quickly. Sully let go of her hand, wanting to pull her back down in her seat but knowing that what she was doing was necessary.

"Miss Quinn, there are to be no outbursts in my courtroom. Do you understand?"

"Yes your honor I'm sorry… I simply wish to keep my caretakers out of this situation. If I am to be charged so be it."

The judge narrowed his eyes as he studied the articulate young woman before him. Though Clara had spoken of her many times, the image he had drawn of her was much different than the woman in front of him. "Miss Quinn, I need you to be seated and to remain quiet unless asked to testify in these proceedings." The harsh tone from earlier was gone.

"Yes sir," she replied. She leaned up to whisper to Mr. Pratt. "Whatever you do- keep John and Ida out of this – I don't care if they charge me." He nodded in understanding before he stood.

"Are formal charges being brought against Miss Quinn?" he asked looking over at Mr. Traver.

"Are they Mr. Traver?"

"Yes, your honor at this time we will bring formal charges against Michaela Quinn for aiding in the escape of the runaway slaves."

Michaela took a deep breath holding her head up high. Sully had taken her hand once again and he squeezed it lightly in his own to reassure her. "Miss Quinn, how do you plead?" Judge Pennock asked purposefully allowing no time for consulting with Mr. Pratt.

Michaela was not concerned though. From the time she had entered the courthouse, this moment had been coming. She stood dropping Sully's hand once again. Courage flooded her body and she felt more like her grandmother than she ever had before. "I plead guilty your honor," she said in a calm clear voice.

A murmur went up throughout the courtroom and Michaela turned towards Clara smiling as if in victory. Clara narrowed her eyes wondering what game Michaela was playing. This wasn't how things were supposed to go and the displeasure was evident on her face.

Mr. Pratt was already on his feet. "Your honor I have not had time to consult with Miss Quinn."

"Well son," Judge Pennock began. "I don't believe Miss Quinn needed time to consult with you." The judge was as awe struck as the rest of the court and he looked briefly at Clara wondering what she was thinking at that moment. Pulling himself together he banged his gavel down bringing the talking to an end. "I was prepared to offer my verdict in Miss Defort's case today but I believe now I will hold judgment until tomorrow at which time I will render a sentence in both cases. Until that time, I will order Miss Quinn to be held in the town jail."

Mr. Pratt stood to appeal this statement but the Judge was already rising from the bench. "Judge Pennock, Certainly Miss Quinn…"

"Mr. Pratt, I have said all I will be saying today in this matter. Miss Quinn has an inordinate amount of money at her disposal. If you think I'm foolish enough to release her, you have another thing coming." With those words he moved quickly to the door.

A deputy stepped over in her direction. "M'am," he said proffering his hand to her. Michaela accepted it gracefully as she stood. She leaned back over the railing to see Ida and John's concerned faces staring down at her. With a wave, she mouthed the words don't worry, though she knew Ida would anyway.

"Michaela I ain't gonna let this happen," Sully vowed already rising to his feet.

"Sully, it's for one night. He isn't going to sentence me to jail time. They want my property or my money – not me."

"I'm sorry m'am, we have to leave now," the deputy interjected.

Michaela nodded and moved closer to Sully to give him a brief one armed hug. Sully hugged her back unable to resist pressing his lips against her cheek and wishing he could do more. He was reluctant to release her when the moment came. Watching as deputies led her and Sarah away, Sully prayed that Michaela was right. He didn't want her to lose her land but he also didn't want to see his fiancé in jail.

**

* * *

Boston – December 28, 1854**

The blackness surrounded her as she stepped into the cubicle and closed the door behind her. Situating herself on the small bench that was inside, she folded and unfolded her hands nervously in her lap, her palms sweating profusely in the process. As soon as she heard the priest slide the partition, she shut her eyes tight. She knew he couldn't see her but it didn't matter – she felt so ashamed of herself. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to speak. "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confessions." She paused here, her heartbeat reverberating in her ears as she tried desperately to list her sins.

"Child, I'm listening." His voice was warm and sweet sending a wave of peace washing over her body.

"These are my sins," she began, tears already pooling in her eyes. "I have bad thoughts that I can't get rid of." She knew the priest was waiting to hear what she would say but shame once again fell upon her as she struggled to speak. "I want to kill my husband. I have thought about it 5 times since my last confession. He hits me father - for no reason sometimes and I want to make him stop." With a sharp intake of breath, Marjorie knew she had begun with the easy thing first. She had been regularly coming to confess this particular sin for the last year. It was the next one that she was so ashamed to admit. She had stopped by the hospital to run an errand for her father. William was in his office getting some files he needed as he was one of the doctors who had taken on Josef's case load. The door was closed, the room charged with forces pushing them together. There had been casual conversation, his hand brushed hers. A hug – it was only supposed to be a hug…. Forgiveness – she needed to feel the sweet release of forgiveness. "I kissed a man who was not my husband yesterday morning."

"How many times did you commit this sin my child?"

"Only once, father."

"My child you must pray for your husband – five times a day for the next two weeks you are to say the rosary for him. Offer your prayers up to the Virgin that she would teach you how to be pure as she is pure."

Marjorie nodded her assent even though she knew the priest could not see her and then the memorized prayer slipped out of her mouth, knowing any moment she would hear those words she longed for. "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all of my sins because of Thy just punishments. But most of all because they offend Thee my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen." Quickly she crossed herself as the priest began to speak.

"I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Sweet relief washed over her as she reached for the handle of the door. The light poured into the cubicle as her eyes readjusted to the brightness. There would be no more contact with William – that was a given. She would do exactly as the priest said and pray for Everett, hoping against hope that God could change his heart of stone.

_

* * *

Thank you all for reading! I am fast approaching 500,000 words and as a celebration I am letting my readers pick which glimpse of a future scene they would like to see so if you haven't voted yet please go to http://dqmwfanfic. blogspot . com and vote in the poll on the side_


	90. Chapter 90

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 27, 1854**

The jail cell door was closing as Sully slipped inside the small building, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. Michaela turned to face the deputy a coy smile on her face. She caught Sully's eye and smiled wider which only perplexed Sully more. Quickly he crossed to the cell waiting until the deputy had left before he spoke. "Michaela aren't ya worried?" he asked as she sat down beside Sarah on a rough hewn wooden bench.

"Should I be?" she asked flippantly, amusement in her eyes.

"Michaela – ya just plead guilty to helpin' slaves escape. And that judge ain't seemin' very friendly." His face was contorted and his breathing rapid.

Michaela stood and finally crossed to him reaching through the metal bars to touch his hand. "Sully, don't worry. I assure you everything is going to be fine. Isn't that right Mr. Pratt?" Michaela looked over Sully's right shoulder towards the jailhouse door where her lawyer had recently entered.

Sully turned to face him as the gentleman crossed the room. "I agree partially Miss Quinn," he said his expression rather serious. "The judge put you in jail this evening to shake you up. He isn't planning on leaving you here." Sully visibly relaxed at those words. "You did plead guilty though. There will be a sentence and it is possible that your land is in danger of being confiscated."

Before Mr. Pratt could say anything further, Ida and John arrived. Ida had already worked herself up and she ran to the cell practically pushing Sully out of the way. "Ya can't do this Michaela – ya gotta tell that judge ya didn't know anythin' about it. Ya go ahead and tell him," she dropped her voice here and looked around before continuing in a whisper. "Ya go on and tell him that it was us done helped them runaways."

"I won't do that," Michaela said directly. "I plan to keep you and John out of this no matter what."

"Anna wouldn't want ya to loose her land," Ida argued her hand reaching through the bars to grasp Michaela's.

"It's my land now. Besides I think you're wrong. Anna wouldn't care about the land – she'd make sure no one could harm the two of you."

John stepped forward and wrapped his arm around his wife. "Now Ida ya done know that what Miss Michaela is sayin' is right." His voice was tender and Ida leaned in against him giving a slight nod of her head. John met Michaela's eyes. "But still this is an awful big thing you're doin' for us – can't thank ya enough."

Mr. Pratt who had been observing the scene before him took the opportunity of the lull in conversation to speak. "The runaways were not captured on your land and even though Michaela pleaded guilty to helping them escape – well I believe that the law is quite specific in this matter. They have to be recaptured on your land with evidence that you were specifically hiding them."

Michaela smiled broadly at Sully. "See – nothing to worry about."

"There will be a fine – most likely large," added Mr. Pratt.

Michaela shook her head excitedly. "Not a problem," she said grateful for the inheritance Anna had left her. "What about Sarah?" Her face became serious again immediately as she considered her friends fate.

"I'm afraid there will be a fine…"

"I can take care of that," Michaela interrupted.

Before Michaela could celebrate though, Mr. Pratt added "And most likely a jail sentence."

"Jail?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm afraid so. She was in charge so to speak. The jail time is more or less to stop her from going right back to helping more slaves escape."

"Cause I would," Sarah threw in, folding her arms defiantly over her chest.

Mr. Pratt looked nervously around while Michaela placed an arm around Sarah's shoulder. "Don't worry Sarah. We'll think of something."

"Ya done enough already," she replied, gratitude evident in her voice. "I ain't gonna ask ya to do no more."

"Still…" Michaela began but this time Mr. Pratt interrupted her.

"Miss Quinn, I know you're only trying to help but really I think it's best if you stay out of it. Your guilty plea is enough of an obstacle for us to overcome."

Michaela wrinkled up her face in displeasure but nodded her head regardless. "I'll be good," she said contritely.

"Good." Mr. Pratt gave a slight nod of his head and began to button his coat up. "I need to send some telegrams if you'll excuse me. I'll come by in the morning before court."

"Thank you Mr. Pratt," Michaela offered. Mr. Pratt smiled at them all and with a wave of his hand, he turned to leave.

"I'll bring ya up some extra blankets and pillows… and some dinner," Ida said pulling her coat around her as well. "That way ya both will be more comfortable."

"I'm fine," Michaela protested her eyes catching the smirk of the deputy. "Please go home and rest. Just bring us some fresh clothes before court."

Ida looked as if she might protest but she finally nodded her head when John lightly touched her arm. "Ain't no use arguin' with ya I suppose." She clicked her tongue, turning towards the door as if she were slightly angry.

Sully stepped close to the bars once again. "Ya gonna be alright?"

"Yes," Michaela assured him. "It's one night."

Sully looked at the bed and the small cell as a slight smile creeping onto his face. "Never thought I'd see my future wife behind bars," he remarked, dropping his voice low. Michaela laughed and reached her hand through the bars towards him. He quickly grasped it in his own. "Ya want me to telegram your parents?"

"No," Michaela replied quickly. "I don't want to upset father and well… mother will just be impossible. The less they know about this situation the better."

"Sure." He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb as he turned slightly to see if Ida and John were out of ear shot. Being satisfied that they were, he turned back and moved in close to whisper. "Ya don't have to rescue everybody all the time. Sometimes ya gotta think about how things affect ya as well."

"You heard Mr. Pratt – everything is going to be fine."

"I heard Mr. Pratt say what he thought the judge might do. That ain't the same as knowin' for sure. Throw Clara into the middle of all this…. I just don't have a good feelin'."

"You worry too much sometimes." She flashed him one of her famous crooked smiles and Sully couldn't help but return it.

"Think I been around ya too long… startin' to rub off on me." He winked at her and gave her hand a hard squeeze before letting go.

Sarah stepped up beside Michaela as they both watched the threesome leave. "He's right ya know."

"About what?" Michaela turned to face Sarah.

"Ya can't save everyone all the time but thanks for tryin'." Michaela dropped her head out of humility but Sarah could see the smile even so.

* * *

The deputy had placed an extra cot in the cell and Michaela pulled it over next to Sarah's. As night deepened the euphoria she had felt earlier in the day waned but she tried not to show it. Sarah sat watching her as she took out the many hairpins making a neat pile of them on the bench. Though Michaela tried hard to hide it, Sarah knew that for Michaela this was a very different experience. "I suppose," she began, "we can pretend that you're sleeping over at my house." Michaela laughed nervously.

"Sure. It ain't so bad - ya just ain't used to sleepin' anywhere but in you're fancy bed." Michaela nodded feeling rather sorry that she had rejected Ida's earlier offers to bring her some extra blankets and pillows. Her adventuresome spirit had deserted her quickly. "Sides if ya and Sully gonna live out west, ya better get used to makin' due."

Michaela smiled sheepishly. "I guess I've had it kind of easy."

"Kind of?" Sarah laughed making Michaela smile. "Ya ever cooked anything before."

"Of course I have."

"What?"

"I help Ida out when I'm here."

"Ya ever made anything by yourself?"

"Umm...I..." She grew quiet thinking hard to come up with something that Ida hadn't helped her with. "How hard can it be? I mean Ida never makes it look that hard."

"Ida's done been doin' it her whole life," Sarah pointed out.

"So I need to learn to cook." Michaela took the last hair pin out and shook her hair before running her fingers through it. "Ida can teach me."

"Ya better get her to teach ya to do the laundry too," Sarah added with amusement. "And clean the house... and make a fire..."

"Okay, okay," Michaela interrupted laughing so that she wouldn't get angry. "You're right - I'm ill prepared to live out west.

Sarah nodded in agreement smiling broadly. "That don't matter - ain't never met anyone as determined as you." Michaela looked down at her lap, her cheeks warming with the compliment.

The door of the jail house opened abruptly and a cloaked figure stepped in. It was hard to make out anything but his black form. Sarah and Michaela exchanged a nervous look and then turned to watch the man lean over the small desk and whisper some hasty words to the deputy on duty. They watched as the deputy rose and pulled on his coat before stepping out the door of the jail house. The man turned facing the girls. Their inability to see his face and the fact that the deputy had left so suddenly made them both nervous. Michaela clutched Sarah's hand and stood unwilling to be taken off guard. "Miss Qunn?" asked a warm voice with a soft southern accent.

Michaela moved towards the bars, feeling more relaxed that this individual knew her name. The voice seemed familiar but she couldn't quite place it. As he came closer he removed the hood of his cloak and his face came into view. It was Judge Pennock. "Judge?" Michaela asked, bewildered by his presence in the jail.

"M'am I need to speak with you."

"Right." Michaela twirled a strand of hair nervously in her fingers as she stepped even closer to the bars. She couldn't figure out why the judge was visiting her.

"I know my wife paid you a visit last night." His voice was low and Michaela had to strain to hear him. "You had every right to bring that up in court today but you didn't." He stopped, his eyes meeting Michaela's in an intense gaze. Michaela wasn't sure if he expected her to say something so she simply nodded her head as if in agreement. "I knew your grandmother and your father - though he might not remember me. I know you're good people."

"Is that why you're here?" Michaela swiftly asked unable to withstand her curiosity any longer.

"In a way." The judge still considered her, his words long and drawn out making Michaela impatient. "I don't agree with what you did. Slaves are property and helping them escape is like stealing someone else's property."

"With all due respect your honor; humans are not someone else's property."

The judge cut her off before she could say anything more. "Save your voice darling - I know all the arguments." Michaela felt her blood boil at the use of the word darling but she took a deep breath and bit her tongue remembering that Mr. Pratt had warned her to be careful. "I've got slaves myself – it's just a way of life that you northerners haven't ever understood."

"It's not one I care to understand," Michaela let slip, instantly regretting her hasty comment.

"I figured as much," he laughed. "I'm not here to try and change your mind. I'm here because I know my wife had something to do with those slaves being captured in the first place. She is dead set on you getting into a heap of trouble over this."

"Does your wife have more of a pull over you than the law Judge Pennock?"

"No." He smiled. "Granted she thinks she does but it's easier to let her think that. She might be hard for me to control but I knew full well what I was getting when I married Clara Brooks. Not that I would expect a lady like you to understand."

"I understand only too well," Michaela replied, the dislike obvious in her voice.

The judge laughed again, genuinely intrigued by the young woman who stood in front of him. "Men aren't honorable Miss Quinn. They might say they are but when it comes to a pretty girl …." His voice trailed off as he shook his head.

"Not all men are like that." The anger was clear on her face now and she made no attempt to try and hide it. "And you still haven't told me why you're here."

"I assure you Miss Quinn that my intentions are honorable. I came here because you impressed me today. Not often you see people take the blame for others and I know that's what you did." Michaela took a step backwards, shifting her eyes over his right shoulder. The judge was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable and she wanted him to leave. "My wife expects me to take your property – she wants the land that originally belonged to her family."

"So will you take my property Judge Pennock?"

He shook his head, taking a deep breath and leaning heavily against the jail cell bars. "No Miss Quinn I'm not going to take your property- legally I can't as I think you already are aware. I'm here to warn you to stay away from this sort of business. If the investigation of Thomas Brooks death was reopened… well I don't think that's something you want."

"Are you threatening me?"

"You don't trust me, do you Miss Quinn?" Michaela gave a little shrug of her shoulders, choosing to remain quiet. The judge regarded her with amusement. "No matter – I wouldn't trust myself either in your position. I'm a friend Miss Quinn, not a foe. I hope you'll remember that in the future."

Michaela narrowed her eyes. "Why would I need to remember that?"

The judge ignored her question starting to pull his cloak tighter around him as he prepared to depart. "I wanted to assure you I will do right by you in court tomorrow – she doesn't bias me on the bench. I also wanted to warn you to be careful; Clara is a determined woman."

"Thank you Judge Pennock but I think you will find I am rather determined myself."

A low laugh escaped his mouth. "I believe you are Miss Quinn, I believe you are. Sleep well ladies. I'll see you both tomorrow."

Michaela remained at the bars watching him leave. Sarah joined her there having overheard the entire conversation. "Ya didn't kill her brother, did ya?" she asked keeping her voice low as the deputy reentered.

Michaela gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. "It had to be done this way," she whispered in reply.

Sarah shook her head and reached for her hand. "I can't believe I ever thought ya were selfish." Michaela laughed at those words, her spirit lightening considerably.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - December 28, 1854 **

Sully paced nervously in the hall outside the courtroom, feeling slightly cross with Ida. She had insisted that Sully and John go to the courthouse while she took the girls their change of clothes. Sully had reluctantly agreed, his nervousness only increasing as he waited.

"Gonna wear a hole in that floor," John laughed watching the young man's movements.

Sully stopped and shoved his hands into his pockets. "What's takin' 'em so long?"

John laughed. "If ya ain't used to waitin' for a women get dressed, might as well get used to it now. "

Sully leaned back against the wall, sighing deeply. "I know," he muttered turning a coin over and over again in his pocket.

A shock of blond caught his attention and he looked up to see Clara turning the corner. She smiled widely, her eyes immediately meeting Sully's. "Tell Michaela I said good luck in court today."

"Right," Sully mumbled watching her as she flounced off.

"Have I been replaced already?" came Michaela's jovial voice from the opposite direction. Sully turned back and smiled, standing up straight.

"Morning ladies," he greeted them both. Two deputies flanked them on either side but allowed them to stop for a moment in front of Sully and John. Just seeing Michaela had relaxed Sully incredibly and Michaela's good mood seemed to be catching. "Sleep well?" he asked.

"Very," Sarah answered, knowing he wasn't talking to her.

Sully smiled at her before turning to Michaela. "And you?"

Michaela shook her head from side to side. "Wonderfully," she said. "As a matter of fact, I may give up my bed at home for a cot." At that Sarah and Michaela broke out in giggles acting rather like adolescents than two grown woman about to hear their sentences.

"We gotta go in now ladies," one of the deputies intoned. The girls turned knowing Sully would follow. Ida and John bid the girls good luck as they walked away, knowing they would be relegated to the balcony once again. Sully followed in their wake, his stomach twisting into knots as they stepped through the courtroom door.

Mr. Pratt was waiting for them at the defense desk and he whispered words of instruction as soon as they arrived. Sully took a seat directly behind them but still couldn't hear what was being said. Everything seemed to be happening so quickly and he couldn't help but to feel rather swept away in all of it. The closing of a door on the other side of the room caught his attention and he looked up to see the judge entering. He reached forward laying his hand on Michaela's shoulder. Michaela reached up grasping it in her own and turned to look at him.

"Don't worry," she whispered giving his fingers a squeeze. Sully nodded but continued to worry as he stood for the judge's entrance. The court formalities were observed and opening business taken care of but Sully felt disconnected from it all. He couldn't explain the weird feeling that radiated from the pit of his stomach and threatened to overtake him. Clara's concentrated gaze wasn't helping matters. She shifted between looking at him and looking at Michaela. Sully found his own eyes making a similar circuit- Michaela, Clara, the judge. What if's kept creeping into his mind but he refused to let himself think about them, trying without really succeeding to focus his attention on what the judge was saying. Yet as Michaela and Sarah stood to receive their sentence, he felt his concentration return and his ears carefully listened to the judge's words.

"Michaela Quinn – since the slaves were not technically caught on your property, I find that the law will not allow me to take your land. Even so, stealing someone else's property is a serious offense that this county does not take lightly. You are hereby sentenced to pay the owner of the runaways three hundred and fifty dollars per slave." There was a gasp in the courtroom but the amount of money didn't surprise Sully. He was unconsciously holding his breath waiting for the rest of the sentence. "There will be regular visits made to your property by the sheriff and if we find evidence that you are harboring runaway slaves, I will be forced to confiscate your property. Sarah Ames," he said decisively switching his attention to the other woman who stood before him.

Sully felt the tension flee from his body and he slumped on the bench raising a hand to wipe at the sweat on his brow. He looked up again waiting to hear what sentence would be pronounced for Sarah. "Miss Ames, I have no choice but to demand the same fine from you. Reparations are to be paid to the slaveowners in the amount of three hundred and fifty dollars per slave. In addition you will serve 90 days in the county jail for your part in leading them to safety. The sentence could be much stiffer and if you are caught at this business again, the penalty could be your own life."

The gavel banged and Sully involuntarily jumped as Michaela turned, her face a mixture of triumph and concern. She held Sarah's hand firmly in her own as Sarah assured her that three months was really not that long.

"Sarah we'll fight this. We'll appeal."

"Ain't no reason to – I did it and if the judge thinks what I did is wrong than guess I deserve to go to jail."

"You know that's not true," Michaela argued.

"Let it be," Sarah warned. "'Fore ya get yourself into more trouble." Michaela opened her mouth to interject but Sarah quieted her. "Please Michaela, let it be."

Michaela nodded reluctantly and stood watching as Sarah was led off by the deputies. It was only then that she turned back towards Sully who immediately stepped forward.

"Clara didn't look too happy," he whispered.

"Good," Michaela replied smugly.

"Ya ready to go or ya want to go by the jail and see Sarah?"

She leaned in close, with a sheepish look. "I want to go home and take a nice warm bath."

Sully chuckled. "Let's go, "he whispered.

* * *

That evening, Michaela and Sully sat in the morning room in front of the fire. John and Ida had already retired to bed, thanking Michaela once again for her actions. It was the first time that they had been truly alone all day. Michaela had been hesitant to let Ida and John know about the judge's visit though she had been anxious to tell Sully. The minute Ida and John had departed she embarked on the tale filling Sully in on everything the judge had said including how she had interpreted his words. Sully chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully as he tried to make sense of everything Michaela was telling him. He couldn't get his mind around why the judge had come to see Michaela and he didn't buy his excuse of wanting to warn her about Clara.

"What do you think?" she asked as she finished the story.

"I don't like that the judge came to visit ya."

Michaela smiled indulgently. "My honor is in tact Mr. Sully," she replied cheekily.

Sully shook his head. "Ya certainly have been full of yourself these last few days."

"What do you mean?" She wrinkled her nose up and leaned back against the side of the chair placing her feet in Sully's lap.

Sully removed her shoes setting them to the side as he answered. "Ya were so sick when ya first got here… I was worried and then the guilty plea and jail… just a lot to process in a few days," he sighed. Michaela looked down at him but Sully's eyes were focused on her feet. He took one in his hands, letting his fingers trace the outline of her toes. She giggled and pulled away slightly but he acted as if he didn't notice. "Ya took everything so lightly… I don't know."

"Did that bother you?" she asked watching his fingers as they began to work on the arch of her foot. Sully gave a half-hearted shrug still not looking up at her. "I just did what I thought needed to be done."

"I know," he whispered, moving towards the heel of her foot as he continued the massage.

Michaela decided to let it go, thinking he would do the same. Hoping that he wouldn't object to the other things she needed to talk to him about she asked, "What will you do now that you're not working for Daniel?"

Finally Sully looked up at her and smiled slightly. "Thought I could stay in Boston for a while. Be good for us to be together… and this way Elizabeth and Josef could get used to us bein' together." Though the mood in the room was rather somber, Sully still expected Michaela to be thrilled at the news he would be so close. He instinctively moved his hands up past her ankle letting his fingers linger on her lower calf.

"Sully would you consider staying here?"

"Here? In Maryland?" Michaela nodded, noticing that Sully had removed his hands from her leg. "I could… just thought ya'd want me to be with ya in Boston."

"I do," she assured him. "But I don't trust Clara and I would just feel better if someone was here to keep an eye on things. I can't shake the feeling that she is planning something."

"Ya sure that's it?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders, trying to figure out what Sully was getting at. "I'm worried about Ida and John… that's all."

Sully raised his eyes to meet hers, determined to speak his mind even if it caused an argument. "Michaela I've been wantin' to tell your parents about us for awhile now and it seems like your real good at findin' reasons not to."

"Sully he's ill…the doctor said…"

"I know what the doctor said. What are ya scared of?"

"I'm not scared of anything!" she exclaimed getting angry at his insinuation.

Sully grew quiet, his eyes still trained on hers. "Are ya ashamed of me?"

"Sully why would you ask me that? I love you."

"I'm just tryin' to figure it out Michaela. It's not like tellin' your father about us is gonna make him more sick."

Michaela's eyes flashed with fury. "I suppose that's why you told Daniel," she remarked sarcastically.

"And I was wrong Michaela. I'm payin' for that mistake, in case you've forgotten." An icy silence settled between them as Michaela moved her feet from their current position in Sully's lap tucking them neatly under her long skirt. Sully turned to stare into the dying fire, unsure how things had escalated so quickly. Michaela let out a long sigh, feeling the anger inside of her chest expand. "I'm trying to figure out why you're so hesitant to tell them," he said almost apologetically.

As angry as Michaela was, she knew there was truth in what Sully was saying. She had been avoiding telling her parents and it was a completely separate issue than Daniel. Yet she herself didn't understand her hesitance. Michaela had asked herself over and over what she would do if her parents disapproved of the relationship and every time she told herself that it wouldn't matter. "Sully I don't care what they think." Her voice had softened somewhat as she spoke this last line.

"Then why haven't we told them?" The question was pointed and it penetrated right to Michaela's soul cutting her bitterly.

"You mean why haven't I told them because this is all my fault isn't it?" She stood abruptly sweeping her arm down to grab her shoes.

"That's not what I'm sayin' Michaela," Sully began but Michaela interrupted him.

"You act as if I am the only one to lose something if they disapprove. He's conveniently not your father when you don't want him to be!" She was shouting now, her voice reverberating off the walls as she stormed towards the door.

Sully stood to follow her, a hurt look upon his face. "That's unfair," he charged. "We both got a lot to lose!" Whether or not Michaela heard him, he wasn't sure for she swiftly opened the door slamming it behind her as he spoke. Sully tore across the room jogging to catch up with her fast and furious footsteps. He finally caught her on the landing grabbing onto the back of her skirt. "Michaela let's at least talk about this."

She wrenched her skirt free of his hand. "There's nothing to talk about!" He could see the tears in her eyes and though part of him was now just as angry as she was, he didn't want her to be upset.

"Michaela," he pleaded his voice softer than previously.

"We agreed – we both agreed to wait and now you are making it out to be all my fault! Like I'm purposefully not telling them. What could I possibly be scared of? I'm independent Sully – I have my own house, my own money…." Her voice trailed off as the first tear slipped from her eye. Sully automatically reached out to wipe it but she pushed his hand away. "Don't touch me," she hissed.

Sully backed off, unsure if he had ever seen her quite this angry with him. He knew he should remain quiet, give them both time to cool off but he didn't listen to his own advice. "His approval Michaela…. It would kill you to lose that."

Michaela was already headed up the second set of stairs as he spoke and she didn't even bother to answer him. Angrily she retreated down the hall, the door of the bedroom slamming shut. Sully ascended the stairs standing at the end of the hallway, trying to get a handle on what he should do.

The bedroom door on the right opened and John stuck his head out. "What's wrong?" he whispered.

"What's right…" Sully replied and marched off to his own room for a night of very little sleep.

* * *

**Boston - December 31, 1854**

Elizabeth was having her breakfast, when a knock came to the door. She put down her fork listening to the voices trying to discern who would be coming by at this time in the morning. Harrison appeared at the dining room doorway and she looked up expectantly to see William Burke enter behind him. "Dr. Burke," she greeted him, standing as he approached the table.

"Mrs. Quinn, I just returned this morning from Maryland and wanted to stop by and see how Josef was." He set his satchel down on the floor and placed the newspaper he had been carrying on the table's edge in order to take her hand.

"He's been taking his breakfast in bed, preferring to lie in for a bit."

"It does certainly take a while to regain your previous vigor after heart trouble- have you seen improvements?"

"We have," Elizabeth nodded. "Dr. Gray seems to think he is recovering nicely."

"Think I'll pop in and see him if that's agreeable with you."

"Of course, go on up and I'll have Martha fix some breakfast for when you return."

"I don't want to be a bother."

"No bother- we have plenty." William smiled at her and nodded turning to head for the stairs. Elizabeth pressed the footplate that rang the kitchen bell to call for Martha. The corner of the newspaper caught her eye and she turned it over to see that it was yesterday's paper from Baltimore. She started to go back to her breakfast when she suddenly stopped picking the paper up and opening it. Her eyes grew large as they settled on the headline. "Heiress Pleads Guilty to Aiding in Slave Escape."

* * *

**Cambridge – December 31, 1854**

The sky was dark and gray perfectly matching his mood. A light rain continued to fall as it had been for most of the day. He stood looking out his bedroom window wondering when Michaela would be home. She had spent large amounts of time visiting Sarah at the jail ever since their argument. The two of them had resolved nothing so far barely speaking except when forced to. The anger between the two of them had not faded during that first night but only grown so that by the next day Michaela refused to even talk to him when he tried to approach her. Finally last night she had softened somewhat and had made her first attempt to talk to him. Sully rebuffed her efforts simply out of spite although he had known it was childish. Neither of them seemed to be able to get over the words spoken in haste – the ones with a grain of truth but that had come out all wrong. The carriage pulling up in the yard caught his attention and he swallowed hard hoping that tonight would be different.

Sully had realized this morning that somehow they needed to be reminded of the way they felt about each other. They needed to get everything out into the open- finally talk about it without fighting but that could wait. Everyone had been on such an emotional journey over the last few days – really over the last month and he knew that had added to the intensity of the anger they had each felt.

Michaela climbed down out of the carriage, her cloak damp with the rain. She had left her hood off for some reason unknown to Sully and her hair was flattened to her head. Slowly she turned towards the house so that now Sully could clearly see her face. She looked tired, cold and vulnerable. He longed to run down there and take her into his arms but he knew that at this moment Michaela wouldn't permit it. Sully only hoped that she would agree to have dinner with him that evening.

Nervously, he crossed the room pulling on his dress shirt and pants as he listened for her footsteps in the hall. Finally he heard them and then the closing of her door. Sully picked up the tie that he had laid out on the bed and crossed to the mirror to put it on. His fingers fumbled and he remembered the countless times Michaela had helped him fix his tie. A gentle smile graced his lips as he finished fixing it. A warm feeling invaded his chest and for the first time that day, he had felt a sense of hope. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he put on his socks and shoes and then rose to don his jacket. After one more look in the mirror he headed out his door and walked slowly down to hers feeling his nerves return.

Surprisingly her door was open and Sully stopped in the doorway looking over at Michaela who was bent over in front of the fire picking something up. She wore her robe obviously having changed out of her wet clothes. Sully knocked on the doorframe and waited, not wanting to incur further wrath from her by entering when she wasn't dressed.

Michaela looked up at the knock, throwing her hair backward over her shoulder in one graceful flip. Her eyes widened in surprise and though a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth she suppressed it. "What's this?" she asked surprised to see him dressed in a suit.

Sully leaned against the door frame tugging somewhat nervously at the cuffs of his dress shirt. "I don't want us to be angry anymore."

"Really?" There was a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

Sully ignored it and simply smiled at her taking in her beauty silhouetted against the light of the fire. "I wanted to invite ya to have dinner with me tonight – would ya?"

It was now Michaela's turn to smile though she dropped her head to try and cover it. She wanted to still be angry with him – she wanted to make him pay for his accusations but she found her resolve quickly fading. "And what restaurant will you be taking me to?" she asked mockingly, knowing the closest place was in Annapolis, a boat ride across the bay.

"I've arranged everything downstairs," he said still refusing to let Michaela's resistance get to him. A silence settled between them, the only sound the popping of the fire from the damp wood. Michaela walked to her vanity to retrieve her hairbrush. With a subtle glance at Sully out of the corner of her eye, she sat down and began to brush out her damp tresses. She was very aware of his movement through the room and she felt the beat of her heart increase as he came up behind her.

"Let me," he half-whispered, his voice warm and inviting. Michaela swallowed hard but willingly let him take the brush from her. With gentle movements he worked through her hair, taking extra care with the tangles. The coldness from earlier was completely gone now and Michaela was beginning to feel rather warm. Sully's hand brushed past her shoulder as he returned the brush to the vanity. His face lingered level with her ear. "Will ya have dinner with me?" he asked again.

Michaela could feel his warm breath upon her cheek and as hard as she tried to hold onto her anger it was slipping away, melted by him. She nodded, unable to actually find her voice.

"Good," he said as he straightened. "I'll pick you up in thirty minutes." His voice rang with amusement. Michaela didn't dare look up until she heard the door close. Then she ran for the closet knowing exactly which dress she wanted to wear.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1865**

Sully swung the ax letting it come down heavily on the wood, splitting it in two. He left the ax stuck in the stump and turned to add the split pieces to the pile. Looking across at Michaela, he smiled while wiping at his brow. She stood with her sleeves rolled up, her hands vigorously rubbing one of Matthew's shirts over the laundry board. It always amazed him to see her doing these everyday mundane tasks – maybe because he simply wasn't used to it. Somehow it made his pulse quicken to watch her lay a fire or sweep the floor and though they had agreed to take things slowly, he found his mind brimming with thoughts of her taking care of their house.

Abandoning his work, he wandered over to where she stood smiling at the way her shirt clung to her form, damp from the laundry. Michaela looked up at him and realized he wasn't looking at her face. "Sully!" she scolded and he quickly looked up at her his cheeks reddening slightly at being caught looking.

"I uh… I wanted to ask ya to dinner tonight," he said quickly to cover his own behavior.

She smiled at him. "Dinner?"

"We could ride to Manitou and have dinner in the hotel restaurant," he offered the look in her eyes encouraging him to continue. "So would you like to go?"

Michaela nodded. "We never really went out to dinner when we were…" Her voice drifted off as she looked down sheepishly.

"I want to do things right this time," he whispered leaning in and placing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up but ll pick ya up 'bout five."

Michaela nodded in agreement unable to suppress a broad grin as she thought about what she might wear.

* * *

_

* * *

Thanks for reading!! I hope to get a few chapters up in the next few days before I leave for Thanksgiving!!_


	91. Chapter 91

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety-one**

**Cambridge, Maryland – December 31. 1854**

The dress had been picked out months ago especially for Christmas day. She had been walking down the street in Boston when she saw it in a shop window. The velvet on the bodice invited you to touch it – that's what had pulled her in. It was rather expensive but Elizabeth insisted that she buy it. Whenever Michaela found a dress, Elizabeth would buy it despite the cost as if she hoped to somehow instill more of Boston society into her through clothing. Now standing in front of the mirror, Michaela ran her hands down the bodice of her dress, her fingers tracing the boning of her corset.

She looked up into the mirror as an odd feeling came over her. For the last thirty minutes, she had rushed around the room trying desperately to get ready. She had pulled through the drawers trying to find the right corset and stockings. Her hair was still only half done but suddenly she didn't feel in the mood to have dinner with Sully. Why were they having dinner when things were still so up in the air between them? Did he really think he could walk into her room in a suit and with a few charming words and looks set everything alright again? Michaela couldn't blame him entirely. She had given in; letting the anger of the past few days dissipate in a few romantic moments.

Her anger returned with a vengeance now – partially anger at herself for giving in. A sour feeling invaded her stomach as her mind dwelled once again on all that had happened. His insinuations that she needed her father's approval – that she was still avoiding telling them. That simply wasn't true. Sully needed to realize that there was a smart way to go about things. You didn't simply stroll into the Quinn household and announce something of this magnitude. Yet more than any of that, there was a lingering hurt. Not once had he told her that she was doing the right thing. He had even acted as if he wished she wasn't doing it. Sully always knew her so well and she assumed that he would understand her attitude in the jail. It wasn't that she wasn't worried at all but it had been easier to act as if she wasn't. It struck her then that she had done this more and more lately; drawing a divide between what she allowed others to see and how she truly felt. It hurt her that Sully hadn't seen through the façade this time.

A knock at the door caught her off guard. She looked up into the mirror, her hair half up and half down, her eyes livid pools of anger and she rose decisively. They would talk- she would insist on it. There were too many things she needed to say.

"Do ya need more time Michaela? I can come back." Sully's voice was muffled but close and she knew he stood just outside the door. Taking a deep breath she opened to him. His eyes were cast downward but he slowly brought them up to her face taking in her beautiful shape before settling on her face. The anger there surprised him and he took a set backward. "Ya look beautiful," he said hoping he was misreading her expression.

"Sully, I don't think this is such a good idea. We need to talk about things first."

"Talkin' ain't gonna get us anywhere right now Michaela. I think we need to remember what it feels like to be together. I think we've lost sight of that – I had only arrived in Boston when your father took sick and then Sarah's arrest… your guilty plea.. we ain't really had that much time to be together without so much pressure on us."

Michaela was trembling whether with anger or something else she wasn't sure but it was anger that came out. "I'm not having dinner with you until we talk!" she exclaimed her voice ringing down the hall.

Sully let out a deep groan, slouching back against the wall. "We're just gonna end up fighting again."

"I don't want to fight with you Sully but you hurt me." She turned away from him, feeling the tears pooling in her eyes. "And you act as if you don't even care."

"Michaela that ain't true. I never want to hurt ya." His voice was soft and tender as he reached out to brush a lock of hair behind her ear. "But ain't no use for us to not think about this either. Sooner or later we gotta face your parents."

"It's not about that." Sully watched as she shook her head and tucked her chin to her chest trying hard to avoid his gaze. "That's part of it but there's more."

"Michaela what is it?" His question was met with a dead silence. Sully racked his brain trying to think of what he possibly could have done that would have upset her so. "Please Michaela tell me."

Michaela lifted her head slightly, her chin quivering as she began to speak. "I just wanted one time to hear you say that you were proud of me…. that I was doing the right thing…." She covered her eyes with her left hand, wiping hard at the tears that ran down her cheeks. He heard the strangled sobs that she chocked back and he saw the way she trembled. Tentatively, Sully reached out to touch her, his hand just shy of her shoulder as she moved away from him. "Don't," she intoned her voice heavy with emotion.

That one word felt like a hard punch to the stomach. Sully squeezed his eyes shut tight and pressed his lips firmly together as a dull pain seared across his chest. It felt as if she was shrinking further and further away from him even though she hadn't moved again. "Please don't push me away," he whispered a note of desperation in his voice. "I am proud of ya – I guess I already thought ya knew that." She raised her eyes to his wanting to feel the truth of his words. The serene blue calmed her momentarily as she took deep breaths to steady herself. "Ya seem so sure of yourself sometimes… like when you were in that jail cell. I didn't know that ya needed me to tell ya…"

Michaela couldn't help but to feel a little silly. She looked down at her finger where she had placed the ring moments earlier. Sully followed her gaze reaching one finger out to lightly tap it. She leaned in against the door frame, the wood pressed up against her cheek. Sully did the same on the opposite side but neither spoke. Taking his finger from the ring, he placed it under her chin raising it so that she could no longer avoid his gaze. "I'll always be proud of ya. What ya did for Sarah…. for Ida and John… I was worried about ya that's all." He removed his forefinger from her chin and began to nervously play with the button on his jacket. "Sayin' it now feels cheap… like I'm just doin' it cause you're askin' me to."

"No," Michaela said hastily. "That's not what I'm thinking."

"Ya sure?" Sully asked suspiciously, lowering his eyes while he spoke.

Michaela nodded. "You're right about my father… it is important to me to have his approval. I know my sisters think I'm his favorite- that he indulges me. I don't feel that way though Sully – I don't feel like his favorite or indulged. He gives me opportunities – opportunities that are wonderful and that without him… well I probably wouldn't have them. Sometimes it feels like I'm playing a part – being who he expects me to be." She took a step closer to him reaching down to take his hand in hers. "I don't have to be that way with you. I feel like you know me better than anyone – maybe I have unreal expectations sometimes."

Sully gripped her delicate hand in both of his so that it was completely covered. "Guess we still got some things to learn about each other." Michaela nodded, wiping at her cheeks once again. "I didn't mean to hurt ya. Ya just gotta tell me what you're thinkin' sometimes. Honestly this time I just didn't want to see ya in jail or think about ya havin' to stay there. We've waited so long to be together – I didn't want this to mess it up."

Michaela nodded. "And I'm asking you to wait for four more years." Her voice was soft and apologetic. "I always disappoint someone," she threw out quickly, the words coming from a hidden place deep inside.

"Hey, hey." He pulled her into his embrace, dropping her hand to wrap both arms around her shoulders. "Ya don't disappoint me – ya could never disappoint me."

Michaela relaxed against him, laying her head on his shoulder. "You deserve so much more," she whispered near his ear only half aware of her words.

"What more could I possibly want?" he asked sincerely. "I got a fiancé who is smart and beautiful and talented. And brave – so brave that she risks her own life to save her friends. Ain't many people like that."

"But the waiting," she protested, her lips smiling still at his compliments.

"Michaela I'd wait a lifetime for ya." His words struck a chord deep inside of her and she melted at the thought. She closed her eyes, reveling in the warmth of his arms. The last few nights of little sleep combined with the emotional outpouring of the last few minutes left her feeling exhausted. Sully nuzzled her ear as he whispered, "Dinner on the other hand, ain't gonna wait forever."

Michaela smiled, keeping her eyes closed tight. "Is that so?" she teased making Sully's spirits soar. Even a small joke such as that one meant that she had already turned the corner emotionally. When Sully dropped his arms from around her, Michaela opened her eyes and stood up. "I'm ready. What are ya waitin' for?" she asked, imitating his speech.

"Only for ya," he replied offering her his arm so that they could head down the stairs.

* * *

Sully had taken a large part of the afternoon to make sure things were perfect for their dinner. After all it was New Year's Eve and he knew that if Michaela were in Boston, she would most likely be at some fancy party. Ida had helped him arrange the ball room so that even the immense space felt cozy and intimate. Soft candlelight emanated from various points around the room. A roaring fire toasted the air making the atmosphere perfect.

Dinner arrangements were completely left up to Ida and she had out done herself. John acted the part of waiter bringing them each course of their meal. Conversation was sparse throughout dinner other than to comment on a particular tasty dish. Both were being cautious, afraid to upset the peace that had been erected between them earlier. The looks on the other hand were plentiful; their eyes gently speaking a language that neither dared to yet voice. It was the beginning of a healing, another hurdle overcome and another mountain conquered. There were still things unspoken and they both knew that they needed to be discussed. Yet once again they fell back into their familiar pattern, sweeping it away until it festered once again.

Once dessert was served John let them know that he was going to leave them alone for awhile, hoping that perhaps they would talk. He was acutely aware of the trouble between them and a nagging feeling told him this wasn't the last of it. Of course he hoped that wasn't true but he knew all too well the troubles that accompanied young love. As each grew and matured would they remain as compatible as they always had been? His heart told him they would but his mind wasn't so sure.

Michaela eyed the cake before her, as she rubbed her stomach. "I don't think I can eat this right now," she laughed watching as Sully shoveled a forkful into his mouth.

Hastily he swallowed and chewed. "Too full?"

"Yes – I don't want my corset cutting into me more than it already is." Her cheeks blushed as the words left her mouth, as if she hadn't meant to say that at all. Sully wanted to tell her that she shouldn't wear it – that she didn't need a corset but sensing she had embarrassed herself he decided to refrain from saying more. Instead he took another bite of cake. Michaela watched him, the edges of her lips curling into a delicate smile while the green of her eyes sparkled in the candlelight. "Pity we have no music. We could dance."

"I thought of that," Sully replied. "With the piano in the corner I thought maybe Ida played but she said no."

"I forgot about the piano.. I can play some, did you know that?"

"When did ya learn to play?" he had asked.

"It's considered part of the education girls should have. Just enough mind you. The ones who show real talent continue on with lessons and they give up on the rest of us after we learn to play our two required pieces." She rose picking up a candle and carrying it with her to sit on the top of the piano. Sully grabbed one as well and joined her just as Michaela was sitting down on the bench. Michaela opened the lid to reveal the perfect white and black keys in their ordered neatness and Sully watched spellbound as she began to play. The music carried around the room, a haunting melody that felt full of sadness and Sully wondered at her selection.

"That one is kind of sad," she said as her fingers hit their final note. "My teacher liked happy pieces – I chose this one on purpose because I thought it was a waste of time for a future doctor to have to learn to play." She laughed at her words looking up at Sully who still had a glazed expression on his face. "Was it that bad?"

"Actually it was that good," Sully intoned as he moved to sit down beside her on the bench. Michaela scooted over a little to give him room but Sully wanted them to be close and so he followed her movements until their thighs pressed up against one another. He slipped his hand around her waist, his fingers moving against the soft velvet of her dress. "Know anythin' else?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied, a crooked smiled perched upon her lips. "This one is a happy one though."

"I like happy," he encouraged. Michaela began to play, the tempo much faster than the previous melody. Sully watched her fingers on the keys and smiled thinking about Michaela purposefully choosing something she knew her teacher wouldn't like. It was this contradiction in herself that Sully hadn't yet learned to read. When she had been in the jail cell, she had exuded confidence and so for her to need his approval confused him. Yet he was learning that the public Michaela was becoming more distanced from the private one.

The song ended and he gave her side a light squeeze. "Very nice."

"I can teach you if you'd like," she offered.

"I kind of like listenin' and holdin' ya."

Michaela pried his fingers from her waist pushing them back around her body and towards the piano keys. "If you are a good student, there might be a reward." She raised her eyebrows suggestively at him.

"I like rewards." Sully leaned in to nuzzle her neck.

Michaela pushed him off. "The first rule is posture – you must sit up straight, you're feet on the floor." Sully groaned but obeyed her words, sitting up straight. She started by naming the keys for him and showing him how to play a simply scale. Michaela then showed him a few cords playing an octave above him as he mirrored her movement an octave below. Sully enjoyed the feel of her fingers moving over top of his, teaching and correcting. When he played the wrong note, he pouted and when he got it right, Michaela rewarded him with a soft kiss. This continued on for sometime, the kisses becoming more and more while the actual playing became less and less. Eventually, Ida stuck her head in and wished them both good night as a hint that it was time for them to stop the piano playing all together.

Sully suggested a walk down to the dock despite the freezing temperature outside. After bundling up, they hurried out the front door giggling and teasing each other. Sully bounded down the stairs, hitting the frozen grass and loosing his footing. Michaela couldn't help but laugh as he landed squarely on his bottom letting out a groan. Despite the laughter she quickly made her way down to him to offer her hand. Sully took it and didn't let go of it again until they were at the dock.

Once there he drew her close as they stood silently under the stars. "Happy New Year, "Sully whispered into her hair rocking her gently back and forth.

"Happy New Year," she whispered back, her face pressed up against his chest so that she was shielded from the biting wind. Despite the frosty air, Michaela once again found herself falling asleep in Sully's comforting embrace. Sully hadn't noticed until he went to kiss her and realized how limp she was in his arms. "Tired?" he asked in amusement.

Michaela brought her hands up to the nape of his neck, pushing his head back down toward hers. "Not too tired," she whispered feeling slightly naughty. The kiss was deep and lasting, warming them both. Neither made a move to take things any further as if some silent agreement was in effect. The one lesson they had learned was not to let their physical relationship cover their other struggles.

The sound of the water slapping against the pilings began to work its magic on Sully and he found himself being lulled to sleep just like Michaela. Without a word, he turned letting his arms drop as he reached to take her hand in his. They made their way soundlessly up to the house stopping on the front porch.

"Thank ya for havin' dinner with me," Sully said a huge grin on his face.

Michaela blushed. "It was nice."

Sully nodded, his eyes lingering over hers and reading the unspoken question in her eyes. "I'll stay here in Maryland if ya think that's for the best."

Michaela moved closer to him. "Thank you," she whispered grasping him to herself. "If anything happened to Ida or John…"

"I know," he cut her off. "I'll stay as long as you need me to."

"In the fall, I'll be in Philadelphia – that's rather close.'

Sully let out a light laugh. "And far away from Boston," he added.

"I promise we'll tell them soon. I just want to take it slow."

Sully felt a twinge of anger at her words but he suppressed it. He needed to let her do this in her own time. "Whatever you want," he whispered.

Michaela lifted her head to smile at him. "Good night," she said intimating that he should kiss her once more.

Sully smiled. "Good night," he returned taking a step backwards instead of leaning down to kiss her. He turned towards the door and then looked back at Michaela. "Ain't ya comin'?"

"No good night kiss?" she teased knowing that he was playing with her.

Sully chuckled and moved back pulling her in close for one last satisfying kiss.

**

* * *

Boston – January 6, 1855**

The train ride had been long and tiring. A breakdown outside of New York had delayed them for hours so that it was late evening when they finally pulled into Boston. Michaela could barely stay awake riding home in the carriage. All she wanted was her bed and in the morning a long hot bath. She assumed everyone at home was asleep, the hour being so late. When she arrived, she didn't even look in her mother's office or inquire in any other room to see if her family might have waited up for her. She slipped quickly and quietly up the stairs, shutting the bedroom door behind her. Michaela thought about falling right into bed fully dressed but she decided against it. Walking to her dresser, she retrieved a fresh nightgown to slip on after she had disrobed. Soon she was slipping between the sheets grateful that Martha had warmed them quite recently.

She smiled to herself as she thought once again about how easy her life truly was. Would she be able to make it on the frontier? What would Sully expect from her? Yet as quickly as the doubts and fears crept in, she pushed them aside fondly remembering their last few days together. Sully had agreed to stay in Maryland at her request and though Michaela knew it was for the best, she was already missing him.

Michaela sighed softly and snuggled down deeper under the covers. Her eyes closed immediately as she turned on her side. A knock at the door barely roused her, her body already in a state of repose. "Yes?" she called out sleepily never opening her eyes.

The door opened and she could see the flash of light through her lids. She pushed herself up shielding her eyes from the glare of an oil lamp. "Mother?"

"I was waiting up for you," Elizabeth said, her voice gruff and firm.

"I didn't know anyone was still awake. I'm sorry – it has been such a long day." She let out a yawn as she spoke.

Her mother unfurled a newspaper from under her arm and laid it out before Michaela on the bed. "We need to talk about this." Blinking her eyes, Michaela tried to focus on the sheet before her but the letters looked more like fuzz than actual words. She rubbed at her eyes again, forcing herself to focus. "When were you planning on telling me?"

As her mother asked the question, Michaela read the headline. She hadn't known her case made the Baltimore paper and what's more she couldn't believe they were calling her an heiress. "I didn't want to worry father," she threw out quickly knowing that would not satisfy Elizabeth.

"What if your father had seen this? What if the Boston Globe picked up the story? Don't you think it's better that he hear it from you than some paper?" Michaela shrugged and settled back deciding it was best to simply let her mother rant. "Aren't you going to say anything for yourself?"

"What do you want me to say mother? Yes I spent a night in jail. Yes I pleaded guilty to helping slaves escape to freedom. I had to they were going after Ida and John – I couldn't let that happen." Michaela looked up hoping to see any small sign of compassion in her mother's eyes but found only disgust.

"You have no respect for your family – none what so ever. Do you know what a scandal this would be?"

"Mother it wouldn't. Most of Boston thinks that slavery should be abolished. The fact that I am actually doing something about it would be appreciated by many."

"I don't care what William Lloyd Garrison thinks or Lucreitta Mott for that matter. You're not a man Michaela and this is man's work. It's not for a lady to be running about concerning herself with such matters." Elizabeth hands were on her hips, her eyes boring into Michaela as if to shame her into repentance.

"And what should I be doing, Mother? Worrying about my hair as children are sold into slavery? Shopping for a new dress while men are being beaten to death?"

"Michaela this isn't your war to fight!"

"Whose war is it than mother? The slaves have no voice – they aren't even considered fully human by our own government. I will not sit by and watch these injustices done."

"It's that negro woman you've been hanging around with and your grandmother's crazy ideas running through your mind. I should never have let you go to Maryland – that's when all this nonsense began. Nothing good has ever come of it."

Michaela now had all she could take. "Obviously we see things very differently. I think going to Maryland was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now if you would please leave me alone, I'm tired and I want to go to sleep."

Elizabeth set her mouth firmly, giving a little shake of her head but she knew there was no reason in arguing more with her daughter this evening. Still she was curious about one thing. "What I want to know is how did you get the money to pay the fine without your father's approval?"

"He sent an approval before I left for Maryland – he told the lawyers to give me whatever I needed. It is my money mother!"

"Do not yell at me Michaela." Her voice was steady and even and once again Michaela marveled at the way her mother could so quickly change her emotions. "Let's do our best to keep this out of the papers here."

"I'm not planning on advertising it." Michaela's voice was biting – she unlike her mother could not switch emotion on and off. "How did you get a copy of the Baltimore Sun anyway?"

"William brought it when he returned to Boston after Christmas," she replied nonchalantly. She didn't notice the way Michaela's nostrils flared as she stood for a moment considering her daughter. "Well, good night then," she sighed.

Michaela did not reply except to give an impatient snort. Her mother left, the door banging shut behind her but Michaela was far from feeling tired suddenly. She had half a mind to walk to Williams' house right now but she dropped that idea almost immediately. Settling down under the covers once more, she tried to summon the memories of time spent with Sully, hoping that would calm her enough to sleep.

* * *

_January 7, 1855_

_Dear Sully,_

_I arrived safely in Boston late last night and was promptly greeted by my mother. It seems as if the Baltimore Sun covered my case since Mr. Pratt is so well known in Baltimore. William apparently brought a copy with him when he returned to Boston and of course mother saw it. As you can guess she wasn't very happy. I can't wait to see William and give him a piece of my mind._

_It's so hard when you try to do the right thing and only have people criticize you for it. She's only worried that someone in Boston might find out or that the Boston Globe would pick up the story. I decided it was best to go ahead and tell father as well. He was very proud of me which more than makes up for mother's rudeness._

_Yet with Father still recovering I won't be working with him at the hospital. Rebecca stopped by this morning to inform me that Anne's school is looking for someone to teach a science class two mornings a week. I think I will go and apply this afternoon. It will help fill up the time and I believe it will be enjoyable. They didn't even offer science when I was at school there. I also plan to do an independent study on women's medicine with one of my old professors. He told me before Christmas that he would work with me and I am excited about that._

_I know that I asked you to stay in Maryland and I know that it is for a good reason but I already miss you terribly. I'm sorry we spent so much time fighting and though I know it helped us to get things out in the open, still I wish you were here. I am already counting the days until I see you again._

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

_P.S. I have included a letter for you to take to Sarah._

* * *

_February 22, 1855_

_Michaela,_

_I miss you terribly. It is so odd to be here without you. I suppose in many ways this will always be our place. Everywhere I look there are memories of you. When I am in Colorado there are no memories of you there and so in some ways I don't struggle quite as much with being away from you. Or maybe I do – I really can't say which is worse._

_Things have been quiet here. Clara had not shown her face around here again and Sarah says she hasn't been by the jail either. I think all of us are feeling a little relieved. Sarah is getting antsy and is ready for her sentence to be over. When she gets out she's going to come to you in Boston. I think you better convince her to lay low for awhile._

_One strange thing has happened though. The judge has been by to see Sarah a couple of times. It's always at night like the first time he came to see you. At first, she was worried that he expected something from her but it just seems he likes to talk. Guess that good conversation isn't the reason he married Clara._

_John and I are going to be crabbing this summer for profit. We've already started making the traps. I hope you get to come visit for a little while though I guess in the fall you won't be that far away. I can take the train to Philadelphia from Baltimore quite easily._

_That's the news here. I hope all is well in Boston!_

_Love,_

_Sully_

* * *

**Boston – April 12, 1855**

"Sarah, it's nice to see you again," Josef said warmly holding out his hand to their recent arrival. "Michaela says you will be staying for a while."

Sarah wrinkled her forehead as she cast a glance over at her friend. "Wasn't plannin' on stayin' for too long."

"You need to take it easy for awhile," Michaela warned, concern obvious in her voice.

Sarah ignored Michaela and tried to change the subject. "I bet you're real proud of Michaela for what she done."

Josef smiled. "I am."

"I don't think anyone wanted her to do it, includin' Sully."

Josef perked up at the use of his name. "Sully didn't think it was a good idea?" he asked turning his attention back to Michaela.

"He was worried about me is all," she sighed, memories of the ensuing hurt rebounding inside of her briefly.

A smug smile crept over Josef's face as a feeling of triumph rose in his chest. It made him feel good to have approved of Michaela's reaction knowing that Sully hadn't. "Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. In the end you have to live with yourself and because of that you always make the right decision." Josef wrapped an arm around her shoulder squeezing her momentarily against his body. "I always taught Michaela to be an independent thinker," he said directing his eyes back towards Sarah. He smiled as he said it but the thought that she wasn't choosing the right thing in regards to Sully tore at his insides.

"She's certainly independent, "Sarah said cutting her eyes over at Michaela.

Josef kissed the top of her head and then let her go. "I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you have lots to talk about."

They both watched him go, neither making a move until the door was firmly shut behind him. "Alright, I'm dying here you have to tell me."

"Michaela I haven't told anybody… I just ain't sure how I feel about this yet."

"Feel about what?" Michaela asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"I think ya better sit down."

Michaela looked over at her questioningly as a sick feeling permeated her stomach. "This isn't something bad, is it?"

"I don't know," Sarah replied nervously ringing her hands. "It's complicated."

Michaela looked at her expectantly waiting for the story to begin. "Ya remember how I told ya that my mother had escaped when she was pregnant with me?" Michaela nodded, relaxing a little that the story seemed to be focused on Sara and not on Sully. "So I never knew my father." Her voice was low and Michaela could hear the sad tone. An awkward silence settled between them as Sarah considered how to continue.

Michaela felt the pressure to speak though and so she said, "Sarah I know how hard that must be for you. Sully struggles with the same thing sometimes."

"I met my father," she blurted out, her words jumbled together.

"What?" Michaela blinked rapidly trying to make sense of what she had just heard.

"I met my father while I was in jail," Sarah repeated this time slower so that it was intelligible.

A look of shock graced Michaela's face at the startling news. She yearned for details, events. "Your father came to see you?"

"Yeah." Sarah's voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"How did you know… .how did he know?"

"He says I look just like my mother – that he would know me anywhere," Sarah answered her face clouding over completely. "He claims he loved her…"

"Do you think he did?" Michaela asked.

"Possibly… maybe… how can I ever know.. I don't even remember her."

Michaela put her arm around Sarah's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "How did your father find you?"

"He didn't find me… I suppose I found him." Michaela looked confused and Sarah actually smiled. "My father is the judge."

"Judge Pennock?" Michaela asked. "But I thought you said your mother escaped from South Carolina."

"That's where his family is from… he was engaged to be married… my mother worked in the kitchen… it just sort of happened or well that's what he told me."

"Do you believe him?"

"About my mother – I don't know. About him being my father, well, can't figure out why he'd lie about it. Sides he gave me this." She turned and opened her traveling bag which she had deposited earlier on a chair. She pulled out an envelope and handed it to Michaela. "Go on, open it."

Michaela did as she asked and found a great deal of money inside. "Oh my," she exclaimed pushing the money back towards Sarah.

"No it's for you – the judge wanted to pay my fine. Said he wanted ya to have the money back."

"I don't know what to say," Michaela chocked out her eyes still gawking at the paper money she held in one fist.

"Now ya know how I feel," Sarah joked but quickly grew serious again. "He wants to have a relationship with me," she whispered. "He even said he'd tell Clara about me but I told him not to."

"Why?" Michaela asked feeling that the judge was trying to do the right thing.

"It feels too weird and I ain't really sure whether or not to believe him about being in love with my mother. I guess I always just thought he had raped her…. and this is so much to think about."

Michaela sighed feeling at a loss for words. "That's hard," she replied still searching for some sort of solution. "I have no sort of reference point even to advise you."

"I know no one can tell me what to do. I just ain't sure what to do with myself right now."

Michaela smiled. "While you figure it out you could stay here…. I know the Abolition Society would love to have you speak at some of their events."

"I don't know Michaela." Sarah looked rather pained. "I thought I might go back and stay in Cambridge with Ida and John."

Michaela froze momentarily. "Sully's still there too," Michaela mumbled.

"Is that a problem?" Sarah asked unsure what to make of Michaela' reaction.

"Of course not," Michaela quickly replied still unsure how she felt about them living in the same house together.

"Why is he staying there anyway? I thought he'd come back to Boston with me."

"I asked him to stay," Michaela said distractedly. "I want to make sure Clara doesn't bother Ida and John. Come on, we'll take your bag up to my room."

Sarah eyed her suspiciously before following her out the door with her bag in hand.

* * *

**Colorado – 1857**

"Michaela, you're being ridiculous," Sarah intoned, her voice riddled with bitterness. "I ain't interested in Sully."

"Then where were you two all afternoon?"

Sarah shook her head, knowing Sully didn't want her to ruin the surprise but unsure how to quell Michaela's suspicions. "Why are ya so suspicious of me? I thought we were friends."

"I thought we were as well."

Sarah put her hand on Michaela's shoulder and softened her tone considerably. "We are friends and I would never do that to you."

"Don't." Michaela pushed her hand to the side. "I'm not blind – I know what's going on."

* * *

"And what do you think is going on?" Sully asked stepping into the room. 


	92. Chapter 92

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- two **

**Somewhere outside of Baltimore, Maryland – August 14, 1855**

Michaela looked down at the closed book on her lap willing herself to feel motivated enough to read it. It would have to be read before she started medical school in two weeks. Yet even the excitement she felt at finally attending medical school was overshadowed by her eagerness to see Sully. Berating herself for not spending the whole summer with Sully was pointless she knew. After all he had encouraged her to take the internship that her father had worked so hard to obtain for her. Still she wasn't quite sure why Josef had put so much effort into getting her the internship, especially knowing that Dr. Hanson opposed her interning at Boston General every step of the way. Her father had been like a man possessed though, tenacious and cutting until the hospital board agreed with him. While Michaela was grateful, she couldn't help but wonder if her father was indeed trying to keep her in Boston for the summer.

The internship had kept her fairly busy during the summer days and while she had enjoyed it, the dull ache in her heart over missing Sully remained. He had encouraged her to take the prized internship, knowing it would be good for her. Still Michaela had been reluctant until her father's insistence and Sully's encouragement convinced her that it really was an excellent opportunity. In that regard the experience didn't disappoint for she really had learned a tremendous amount even is it was mostly from working with children. The board in giving in to Josef's request had put some stipulations on Michaela's time at the hospital. The most important one being that she was only to work in the children's ward or with women. Michaela hadn't minded in the least. It was better than having to deal with Dr. Hanson and his disapproving glares. Stationed in the children's ward was one guarantee she would never see him because he avoided the children's ward like it was the plague.

A jostle of the train knocked the book from her fingers and sent it tumbling to the floor of the compartment. The gentlemen seated on the seat across from her leaned down and picked it up before she had a chance to. "Medicine?" he asked as he handed it back. "Is this book yours?"

Michaela instantly bristled at his words. "Yes, I start medical school in two weeks," she replied tersely.

The man regarded her quizzically, a smile playing around the corner of his lips. "I didn't mean any harm."

"Right, thank you." Michaela took the book and tucked it into the bag beside her on the seat and turned her attention out the window. The man continued to watch her, intrigued by the far off look in her eye. She was very pretty and though he didn't know much about lady's fashion, he knew that she was wealthy or at least came from a wealthy family. He wanted to talk with her further but she seemed so lost in thought. Occasionally her lips would curl into a smile, her eyes sparkling with an unknown light. Whoever or whatever she was thinking of clearly meant a lot to her.

"Are you going to stare at me for the whole trip?"

She never turned her head as she spoke and so her voice caught him off guard, as her words flustered him. "Ah, yes sorry… I … I didn't mean to stare." Michaela turned towards him, her brow slightly wrinkled as she looked him over. "I never met a woman who wanted to be a doctor before."

"I dare say some day there will be quite a few women doctors."

The man laughed but it was not in a mean spirited way. He raised his eyebrow at her and smiled warmly. "If they're as pretty as you I am sure most men wouldn't mind."

A deep blush settled over Michaela's cheeks as she reached down to touch her engagement ring which she had put on her finger just outside of New York. The gentlemen followed her movements as his eyes settled on the ring. "You're engaged?" he asked.

"I am," Michaela replied unaware of the smile that spread upward from her lips to her eyes as she spoke.

"Congratulations," he offered extending his hand to her. Michaela took it and they shook hands briefly. "My name is Walt… Walt Whitman. Yours?"

"Michaela," she offered settling back, more at ease now that the gentlemen knew of her taken status. "Michaela Quinn," she added seeing no reason not to be friendly.

"And Miss Quinn where are you on your way to today?"

"I am on my way to Baltimore." The gentlemen laughed and Michaela realized he had meant more specifically. Obviously everyone on the train was going to Baltimore. "I am on my way to Cambridge, Maryland."

"And what pray tell is in Cambridge?" Michaela dropped her eyes sheepishly, the look on her face telling him all he needed to know. "He's in Maryland, isn't he?"

Michaela nodded. "He is and other friends too… very dear friends." He nodded and though his eyes never left her, Michaela did not feel uncomfortable. "And you Mr. Whitman, where are you on your way to?"

"I am on my way to Washington DC but I have some business in Baltimore first."

"Are you a politician?" Michaela asked after hearing the name of the capital.

"No," he chuckled. "I'm actually am an out of work newspaperman. I was fired from the Brooklyn Daily Eagle exactly two months ago today." He seemed rather happy about something that Michaela thought should make him unhappy. Seeing the look of confusion on her face, he continued. "I was fired because… well I suppose you would say a radical abolitionist."

"Radical?" Michaela asked unable to contain a wide grin.

"Have you ever heard of the free-soil movement?" His voice resounded with doubt sure that she had never heard of such a thing.

"Opposes the spread of slavery into the territories of the United States," Michaela answered proud of her own knowledge.

Mr. Whitman was impressed. "You are full of surprises, aren't you?"

"My father is a member of the free soil party as well. We are both abolitionists." Mr Whitman shook his head approvingly. "Will you look for work in Washington?"

"Who said I don't have work already?"

Michaela tightened her face as her eyes widened at her mistake. "I thought… well I assumed…."

"You do know what assuming does?" he asked in amusement. Michaela shook her head. "A…s…s…u…m…e," he spelled. "Makes an ass out of you and me."

Michaela giggled in spite of herself and Mr. Whitman joined in. His laughter was rich and deep putting Michaela completely at ease. "So what is your job Mr. Whitman?"

"I am a poet." Michaela raised her eyebrows at him. "What is it Miss Quinn?"

"Nothing… well I suppose I never met a poet before and my fiancé loves poetry," she added the last part hastily not wanting to tell him that she didn't consider writing poetry a career, rather something to do in your free time.

"Ah… he likes poetry does he?" Michaela nodded as he turned and rummaged in his bag beside him. The train began to slow and Michaela looked out the window to see that they were on the edge of the city. When she turned back around, Mr. Whitman was procuring a charcoal like the kind Sully often used for drawing when he was younger. "His name?"

"Whose name?"

"Your fiancé."

"Oh..sorry… Sully."

"Sully?" he asked but was already writing something. Michaela watched with interest and was pleasantly surprised when he passed her the book.

"Leaves of Grass," she said reading the front cover. "By Walt Whitman." She smiled up at him and then thumbed through the book. "For me?" she asked shyly.

"For both of you," he said pointing out the title page. Michaela eyes ran over the letters.

_To Sully & Michaela,_

_May your marriage bed be blessed with the sweet joys of sensual bliss._

_Walt Whitman_

Michaela blushed as she read the words and whispered shyly. "Thank you very much." She wasn't sure she exactly meant it, but the need to be polite was strongly ingrained within her.

The train came to a halt and he smiled as she finally raised her eyes to meet his. "Miss Quinn," he said standing. "I want to thank you for making this ride pleasant."

Michaela nodded. "Yes it was pleasant," she agreed. "Good afternoon." She rose as he tipped his hat to her and set off out of the compartment. Michaela reached up and brought down her larger bag, wishing she hadn't packed quite as much. Her footsteps were quick down the corridor. Sully was waiting at the harbor she knew and the desire to get to him as soon as possible was strong.

* * *

**Baltimore, Maryland**

"Sarah?" Sully called stepping down off the boat and shielding his eyes from the bright afternoon sun. "Are ya comin'?"

"Hold your horses. I gotta tie these back lines."

Sully shook his head and gave her a disapproving look as he sighed loudly. "Gonna have to hire me a new first mate," he teased.

Sarah laughed and shook her head but quickly finished tying off the knots. "Ready," she called jumping over the side of the boat. They started off together, Sully scanning the area for Michaela but she was nowhere to be seen. "Guess the train was late," Sully said, the disappointment obvious in his voice.

"Stop poutin' – she'll be here soon." Sarah rolled her eyes and started to walk across the boards of the harbor. "Come on, let's look around."

"Nah, we might miss Michaela." Sully moved back and leaned against a piling but Sarah grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her.

"Stop being a ninny. We can watch for her while we look around."

Reluctantly Sully gave one last glance around the area. There was not a carriage in sight though. Shuffling his feet, he moved after Sarah glancing backwards almost continuously. Soon they had walked around the other side of the harbor and though Sully continued to look back every so often, much of the area was now obstructed from his view. That was why he missed the carriage as it pulled up and deposited Michaela.

Michaela on the other hand, spotted the boat right away. She had dreamed about sailing almost every night of the summer and to see it now rising up in front of her felt good. The driver had unloaded her bag and she anxiously looked around for Sully as she paid him.

"Someone gonna meet ya m'am?" he asked not wanting to leave a single woman by herself near the docks.

"Yes," she assured him and hoisted her heavy bag up on her shoulder while grasping the other one in her hand. She scanned the area again but still did not see them. The train had been late and the sun was glaring – maybe they were waiting on the boat and couldn't see her. Slowly she trudged towards the boat expecting Sully to come charging off at any moment. She was puzzled when she arrived there and realized it was empty. Straining under the load, she left her big bag on the dock and climbed aboard. "Sully?" she called knowing he wasn't there.

It was only then that a slight anger rose in her chest. Michaela knew it was slightly irrational but she had so longed to see Sully that having to wait knowing he was somewhere nearby was driving her crazy. Leaning over the railing, she watched for any sign of them and felt a surge of joy when she first caught sight of the two laughing as they walked back towards the boat. Sarah's skin had only grown darker from the summer sun while her hair had grown lighter. Highlights of red and blond streaked her hair making her hair shine even more than usual. Sully was a deep golden color as well, just as Michaela had imagined he would be – the blond streaks in his hair were even lighter than Sarah's and reminded him of when he was younger. Sully turned back towards the street one more time and shrugged his shoulders as he spoke to Sarah.

Michaela's heart felt lighter knowing that he was looking for her but still she couldn't imagine where they had been. Sully began walking backwards so that he could keep an eye on the road and Sarah took advantage of the opportunity to give him a slight shove which sent him stumbling to the side towards the water. Sully grabbed at her arm acting like he was going to toss her from the dock. Michaela swallowed hard trying to suppress the pang of jealousy that was rising inside her chest making her feel more and more anxious. Trying to ignore the way she felt, she stepped towards the side of the boat willing Sully to see her before she called out to him. As if he had heard the silent plea of her heart, he looked up, his eyes widening as he hastily let go of Sarah's upper arm. "Michaela!" he shouted and started running towards the boat.

Michaela smiled widely and waved moving towards the ladder. Sully stepped over her bag and climbed the ladder in two giant steps grabbing her about the waist the moment he stood on deck. Lifting her in the air, he spun her around laughing as she squealed to be put down. Sully obliged, setting her feet back on the deck but pulling her against him as his lips crashed into hers. Michaela was surprised by the intensity of the kiss as she felt Sully's tongue at her lips. She pulled back a little looking up slyly at him. "Sully," she scolded.

A rather mischievous grin spread across his face as he looked down at her. "No one but Sarah's watchin'," he whispered as he closed the distance once more. This time the kiss was gentler but as they continued to press against each other, exchanging kiss after kiss Michaela found herself longing for more. Sarah clearing her throat finally broke them apart and Sully continued to hold her close as they turned to see Sarah hoisting up Michaela's bag from the deck below. "Someone gonna take this," she laughed. Sully groaned but let Michaela go to take the bag. Sarah instantly climbed up and hugged her friend who she had missed desperately this summer. "I don't know which of us missed ya more."

Sully stepped up behind Michaela slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. "Wanna go to Cambridge?" he whispered in her ear. Michaela nodded eagerly.

"Just let me change out of this dress." Sully let her go and watched as she climbed below deck, longing to follow her in order to have a few moments alone. Sarah started to untie the boat and ready the main sails but Sully was distracted. After waiting what he thought was an appropriate amount of time, he walked over to the hatch and knocked lightly so that it wouldn't grab Sarah's attention. "Yes?" Michaela called up.

"Ya decent?"

Michaela giggled at the sound of his voice. "I'm dressed if that's what you mean." Sully quickly climbed down and gave her a coy smile as he moved closer to her. "Thought we were getting underway."

"Needed a moment alone with ya." His voice was deep and it made her feel warm inside as he crossed to her. He pulled her close and kissed the top of her forehead as she buried her head against his chest. She breathed in deeply smelling the saltiness of the bay clinging to him, making her long for her house in Cambridge and its view of the river.

"You smell nice," she said tipping her head up to look at him.

"I smell like the bay."

"I love that smell," she said her voice taking on a sultry tone. Sully's tongue slipped out to wet his lips and he raised his eyebrows at her. Michaela parted her lips slightly as her hands slipped lower down his back. Sully closed the distance between them, finally kissing her deeply as he had desired to do since the moment he saw her on the boat. Her hands moved over his back stroking his skin through his shirt. Sully moved one hand to her collar and unbuttoned the top button, his fingers searching for the necklace that held her ring. Michaela pulled back. "It's already on," she said bringing her hand around to show him. "Sorry, I wanted it on as soon as possible." Sully moved in to kiss her again but Sarah's voice from above stopped him.

"Sully… Michaela… ya both down there?"

Sully rolled his eyes as he moved away from her, wondering if their brief two weeks together would be complicated by Sarah's presence. "Coming," he called and looked back at his beautiful fiancé. "This could be a very frustrating two weeks," he whispered. Michaela laughed as she followed him up the stairs.

Once they were underway, Sarah became captain giving Sully and Michaela a chance to spend a few moments alone. They headed off to the bow of the boat as memories of past summers danced through both of their minds. Sully sat down and Michaela settled between his legs leaning back against him. They reminisced for awhile about their childhood spent on the bay as they recounted pleasant memories they had shared. Sully looped one arm around Michaela, holding her hand in his. With the other hand, he pulled the pins out of her hair, letting his fingers roam over her scalp. Sully's gentle movements combined with the warm summer sun made Michaela feel sleepy.

"Are ya tired?" Sully whispered after she grew quiet.

"A little. I didn't sleep very well on the train last night."

"I'll be right back," he whispered before moving away from her. He returned quickly with a pillow from below deck. He encouraged her to lie out and she felt once again like a young girl of twelve as she relaxed back against the deck of the boat. Sully continued to run his hands through her hair and down her back, gently massaging the flesh as he went, unable to still his hands on her. Michaela's breathing grew deep and steady before long and Sully believed she was asleep. He lay down beside her for a little while, letting his hands continue to stork her softly. Only as they approached the river did Sully rise to help Sarah shift the sails and bring the boat about.

Sully was being extra cautious, not wanting to wake her yet the very minute Sully rose, Michaela's head popped up. "Where are you going?" she asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Ya miss me already?" he teased. Michaela wrinkled her nose up at him "To help set the sails but I promise I'll be right back," he assured her. "Ya just rest." Michaela nodded and sunk back down onto the pillow so happy to have the next two weeks with Sully.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Michaela's eyelids fluttered open as the coolness hit her warm skin. "Sully?" she called, her voice still heavy with sleep. Sully couldn't believe she had missed his presence that quickly. He had only left the bed a moment ago and now stood trying to decide whether to pull on his pants before adding a log to the fire. Stretching her arm above her head, Michaela turned to look up at him. "Where are you going?" she asked in the midst of a yawn.

"It's chilly in here. Thought I'd put another log on the fire." Michaela nodded and then watched him walk across to the fireplace, overwhelmed by the myriad of emotions she experienced. All the events of the day came rushing back reminding her that it was real now; she was his wife. Everything was new yet at the same time it felt as if they had always been together like this. His outline by the fire caught her attention and the color on her cheeks heightened as she let her eyes settle on his bare backside. He turned and Michaela raised her eyes embarrassed that he might have seen her looking. She couldn't make out his eyes in the dark but that didn't matter. Michaela felt riveted by his gaze, sensing rather than seeing his eyes.

Sully was in fact watching her, unaware that she was still awake. Having rebuilt the fire, he had turned to make out her form – waves of euphoria washing over him as he realized never again would they be apart. Sleep had come quickly once Michaela had settled against him but now sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. Stepping closer to the bed, he noticed the silk gown on the floor beside his discarded pants. A wide grin came to his face and he wondered if she had enjoyed their first intimacy as much as he had. John had told him women often found it painful at first. The thought of her discomfort caused him to look back at the bed, wanting to assure she was resting peacefully. The sight of her curled up on her side, her hair splayed across the pillow and the blanket just covering her breasts made his body react. Taking deep breaths, he willed himself to calm down. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her or make her think he expected more. It had only been a few hours at most; he would simply have to wait.

Edging around the bed, he slipped under the covers keeping his distance from Michaela so that she wouldn't perceive his condition or enflame him more. Michaela was still awake though and she felt the dip of the bed, as she moved slightly wishing to be pressed against him once again. When Sully didn't turn towards her, she scooted backwards until her skin came into contact with his warm flesh. "Hold me," she whispered, reaching back to draw his arm around her.

Sully took a deep breath, knowing that he needed to turn onto his side to wrap his arm around her but she would know then. With an uneasy sigh, he turned drawing her close. His arousal brushed against the small of her back and Michaela tensed momentarily.

"I don't want… You don't..." Sully tried to explain but the words stuck in his throat. It didn't matter though because Michaela was already turning towards him, seeking his lips with her own. The kiss was deep and beautiful. Sweetness clung to them as they broke apart. Sully looked down to find Michaela's eyes still closed. Then he felt her press against him completely relaxed in his embrace. "Are ya sure … it ain't too soon?" His voice was husky as he spoke and the words rippled through Michaela as a new sensation began to gather around her midsection. "Not too soon," she replied breathlessly moving closer to meld their bodies as one, uncertain of what was coming over her.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 16, 1855**

The first two days there were magical though Sully and Michaela did not get very much time alone. Part of that had to do with Sarah's presence and part of that had to do with Ida and John's. No one seemed to be particularly aware that they were interrupting the young couple's private time which only served to make the situation more complicated. So it was, that on the third day after her arrival, Sully made a plan for them to meet alone in the woods and enjoy the afternoon with each other. Sully had slipped away shortly after lunch with a blanket tucked under his arm. John had watched him go and he wasn't surprised when Michaela stepped from the house about ten minutes later announcing that she was going for a walk. She had a book tucked under her arm, only having remembered today about the book Mr. Whitman had given them. Sarah had followed her out of the house calling across the lawn to Michaela who had increased her pace suddenly.

"Michaela ya know where Sully is?"

Michaela didn't want to lie but she didn't exactly want to tell her either. She took her time turning around, giving herself a moment to think. She was rescued by John though. "Went for a walk – said he'd be back in a little bit."

"Really? We were supposed to go sailing- he always takes me sailin' after lunch on Tuesdays."

Michaela felt it again – the stab of emotion at the word always. "Maybe he forgot," Michaela offered giving a slight shrug of her shoulders.

John had easily figured out what was going on and he could see that Michaela was growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute. "Y'all could go a little later," he offered, reaching up to scratch his chin.

"I can't go later – I'm meetin' the judge today," she replied. "Oh well… maybe tomorrow." She turned and walked back into the house as the tightness in Michaela's chest eased some. Turning back to the woods, she anxiously bit her bottom lip letting her mind dwell on all the things Sarah and Sully had done together that summer without her. Was she jealous of their time together? Or that she had missed so much? Or was she jealous of the two of them together? No, she wasn't worried about the two of them together in the least – but to hear the stories of the things they had done, to know they had a schedule of what they did – made her feel replaced and a little like a third wheel. She was so lost in thought, that she didn't even notice Sully up ahead until he was right in front of her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her close, kissing her gently as he chuckled at the fact that they were finally alone.

"We did it!" he exclaimed stepping back to lead her to the blanket spread on the forest floor. "Alone – at last." Michaela smiled but Sully could tell that she was preoccupied with something. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She dropped down to the blanket unwilling to admit to Sully how she felt. After all it had been her decision to stay in Boston. She could have been here all summer and she couldn't very well begrudge Sully and Sarah the fun they had shared.

Sully eyed her, his lips twisted to the side. "You're frettin' 'bout something."

"No, I'm not," she adamantly denied. "Oh, Sarah was looking for you – something about supposed to go sailing." She tried to sound casual as she said it, occupying herself with the book rather than looking at Sully.

"Tuesday… I forgot."

"If you want to go back, we can."

Sully placed his hand beneath her chin and gently raised it so that he could look in her eyes. "I ain't movin'," he declared leaning in to kiss her once again. "I finally have ya alone." His eyes lovingly caressed her face, moving from her lips to her cheeks to her eyes and back again. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

Michaela felt the warmth rise on her cheeks and she knew a blush had settled there. "I missed you so much," she returned raising a hand to stroke his cheek. Sully shifted somewhat on the blanket, closing his eyes as Michaela let her fingertips explore his face. With light strokes she ran her fingers over his closed eyelids before placing a light kiss to each. Her warm breath upon his cheek made him shiver and he wrapped one arm around her waist as she hovered ever closer to him. When her fingers found his lips, he let out a soft moan his lips parting slightly in the process. Michaela's pointer finger touched the edge of his teeth and before she knew it his mouth closed around her finger lightly suckling at it before letting it go. Sully opened his eyes to gauge her reaction, wanting her to feel at ease with his movements. He smiled at the look on her face. She dropped her hand back to her side but Sully caught it in his. Raising it to his lips anew, he proceeded to kiss each digit, watching her intently he progressed. The book on the corner of the blanket caught his attention as he finished and though he never let go of her hand, he turned to look at the cover. "What's that?"

Michaela grinned. "A book of poetry, given to us by a poet I met on the train."

"Should I be jealous?" Sully asked dropping her hand so he could reach for the book.

Michaela shook her head. "He signed it to both of us." Sully opened the cover and read the words before looking back up at Michaela. "May your marriage bed be blessed with the sweet joys of sensual bliss," Sully read his voice slightly high pitched. "Ain't sure I like this Walt Whitman guy writing stuff like…"

Michaela cut him off. "Don't worry – he was harmless. Possibly a little eccentric but harmless, not to mention a good 10-15 years older than me.

"Ya read this in front of him?"

"And blushed appropriately," she giggled nervously keenly aware of how close they sat all alone in the forest. It felt like forever since they had been completely alone with no interruptions. A particularly heated carriage ride flashed through her mind as she felt the subtle changes in her body; her heart beat a little quicker, her skin seemed to flush and she was suddenly grateful for the corset which hid other changes as well.

"Ya okay?" Sully asked as Michaela made a little room between them spreading her skirt out around her.

"It's very warm…." Her voice trailed off, wondering if Sully was reading in between the lines. This certainly wasn't the first time she had felt this way around him. This summer had been interesting for her for she found that simply dreaming of him in the night would often cause her to wake up with a similar reaction and a need to feel his body close to hers.

"Let's pull the blanket into the shade." Michaela nodded and they stood each grabbing two corners until they rested comfortably under an old oak whose leafy branches sheltered them from the noon day sun.

Michaela felt even more nervous now but she continued to try and hide it… "Would you read to me?" she asked watching as he thumbed through the pages.

"Sure," he agreed. Sully settled back against the trunk of the oak leaving room for Michaela to do the same. Yet to avoid actual physical contact for the moment, she simply laid down on the other side of him, her belly on the ground and her head resting on her arms. Sully casually opened the book and thumbed through a couple of pages. "When I Read the Book?" Sully asked reading off the title for her approval.

"Makes me think of school," Michaela replied lazily congratulating herself for getting some distance between them and making the situation more comfortable for herself anyway.

"Song of the Open Road?" Michaela gave a small shake of her head, the title not impressing her particularly. "A Woman Waits for Me?"

"Read that one," she laughed. "I want to know what kind of women waits for Mr. Whitman."

Sully settled back and began to read. "A woman waits for me, she contains all, nothing is lacking, Yet all were lacking if sex were lacking or if the moisture of the right man were lacking." Sully stopped suddenly letting his eyes scan down the poem noticing the word sex appeared over and over again as well as some other thoughts he wasn't sure how Michaela would react to. He looked over at her but she had her eyes closed.

"Why did you stop?" she asked, not having really put the words of the first stanza quite together in her mind.

"Uh… Michaela… I don't know if this is the kind of poetry you're gonna like."

"Go on," she encouraged swatting a fly away from her face.

Sully hesitated for a moment ready to insist that they at least find a new one but he stopped himself as a delicious thought came to mind. What if Michaela knew what kind of poetry this was and she had wanted to share it with him? Sully's pulse quickened at the thought that Michaela wanted him to read this to her. He continued on glancing frequently at Michaela who still seemed to be relaxed beside him. As he read the fourth stanza, he felt as though this man, whoever he was, had perfectly captured what was in his heart. "I draw you close to me, you women, I cannot let you go, I would do you good, I am for you, and you are for me, not only for our own sake but for others' sakes, Envelop'd in you sleep greater heroes and bards, They refuse to awake at the touch of any man but me." He leaned over and placed a light kiss to her cheek.

"Is that the end?" she asked, her eyes dancing with an abiding love. He shook his head but did not return to the book as suddenly other things had caught his interest. He moved down further so he could place a kiss to her lips but Michaela pushed him gently away. "Finish the poem first," she chastised.

"It is I, you women, I make my way, I am stern, acrid, large, undissuadable, but I love you, I do not hurt you more than is necessary for you, I pour the stuff to start sons and daughters fit for these States, I press with slow rude muscle, I brace myself effectually, I listen to no entreaties, I dare not withdraw till I deposit what has so long accumulated within me." Sully's voice had grown progressively quieter as he read and he now knew that his thoughts had been wrong for suddenly Michaela had sat up, her body tensed and her face turned downward. She stood abruptly throwing him off guard. Quickly Sully shut the book but didn't move quite yet, simply watching as she walked a short distance.

"Maybe I was wrong about Mr. Whitman being harmless," she began.

Sully stood approaching her slowly from behind. "The part before that last part was real beautiful though… it's how I feel about ya…."

Michaela turned quickly when she felt his hand close over her shoulder. "How can you say that? That isn't poetry… it's indecent." Her voice reverberated off the trees as it grew in volume causing Sully to take a step backwards. "You should have stopped reading it to me."

"I tried to tell ya," he defended. "You interrupted me and told me to keep goin'… I thought…" Sully stopped now reluctant to say what he thought.

"You thought what?"

"That you had already looked through it… that you knew what his poetry was like… that you wanted to share it with me." Believing that his words had softened her, he wrapped his arms around her, gathering her close.

He had read her wrong though and Sully's admission combined with their physical proximity sent Michaela over the edge. "Let me go," she said wiggling free from his embrace. Sully complied, dropping his arms from her waist.

"Michaela…"

She cut him off. "Sully don't!" She knew she had become completely irrational in a matter of moments but suddenly all the thoughts of the day seemed to wear on her. "Don't touch me,' she warned again.

"Michaela, I'm not gonna touch ya…. But ya don't have to be afraid of me. I'd never disrespect ya like that. I just wanna be with ya for a little while. I thought that's what you wanted to."

Misinterpreting his last sentence, she grew angrier. "I want nothing of the sort," she replied. "So why don't you go spend the afternoon with Sarah and go sailing… or walking… or fishing… or any of the other million things you do together."

"Michaela stop makin' it somethin' it isn't." She had already started her return trip through the forest and she didn't even turn when Sully spoke. Sully turned towards the blanket, exasperated by the afternoon's outcome. He kicked at a nearby tree, frustrated with himself for the conclusions he had jumped to and frustrated with Michaela for always believing the worst.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Tiny pin pricks of light, illuminated the night sky making it seem ordered in some mysterious way. A light breeze blew and Michaela snuggled down deeper into Sully's embrace, glad for the excuse to move closer. In her mind, things were the best they had been between them since they had reunited in Colorado. Somehow the turbulent events of the last few days had only served to solidify that feeling. In her mind, she knew that they had agreed to wait – to take things slow. Four years was a long time and he was right they had both changed. They needed time to be sure. Yet in her heart, she was already sure – she had been sure when she left Boston. Now she had to wait for Sully.

Sully had come to dinner with his Whitman book of poetry tucked under one arm which had made her terribly curious. It had been awhile since she had heard Whitman and though she knew that his poems could be somewhat questionable – she also knew they really were beautiful. That was why she had swallowed her resistance when Sully had asked if he could share one with her.

Michaela didn't notice how his hands shook as he opened the book and he was glad that his hand wasn't clasped in hers for his palm was sweating profusely. "To You," he read, trying hard to hide the quiver in his voice. "Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear, I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you. O I have been dilatory and dumb, I should have made my way straight to you long ago, I should have blabb'd nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing but you. I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you, None had understood you, but I understand you, None has done justice to you , you have not done justice to yourself, None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you, None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you, I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself…" his voice trailed off here. He had planned to read the whole poem but something told him to stop and speak his heart right now.

"Sully?" Michaela asked raising her head from his chest. "Was that the end?"

Sully ignored her question as he leaned in close to her ear repeating the words from the poem. "I love none better than you… he says what I feel Michaela. I have been dumb and probably dilatory too, but I don't exactly know what that means…." He chuckled nervously but when he heard Michaela's voice join his he relaxed a little. "I should have come to you… made you come to me…. "

"I should have never left you," Michaela replied wanting to equally shoulder the blame for their years apart.

"What he says… I mean it Michaela…. I won't try to subordinate you… but I promise I will love you all my days." Michaela's heart quickened at these words and her breath caught in her throat watching Sully's movements. Before she knew it, he was down on one knee in front of her, the words on his tongue. Michaela panicked and all the certainty that had been hers only moments ago left her. "Michaela will ya marry me?"

* * *

_Well I could practically write a whole book as to why it has been so long between updates. Life has been beyond crazy but under doctor's orders to spend today doing something I enjoy… that isn't stressful…lol…I wrote chapter 92 finally!!! And I went over 500,000 words… yay, yay, super yay!!!!! Thank you all for hanging in here… I have two more exams one more paper which I plan to finish this weekend and then I am done until the end of January so expect much more frequent updates from now on. Thank you for all your comments and encouragement… for your prayers and thoughts about my mom and about myself. THANK YOU!!!_

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	93. Chapter 93

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- three**

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 16, 1855**

The afternoon heat was oppressive weighing down on her shoulders along with her other concerns. Having been ignored by Michaela, rebuffed by Sully and stood up by her Father, Sarah wandered out to the barn. The barn always seemed to hold in a pleasant coolness even on the hottest afternoon and she would pass the time brushing down the horses which she enjoyed immensely. John and Ida had three horses – Midnight, Pearl and Brownie. Sarah's favorite was Midnight and she loved the way he nuzzled her pockets looking for the apple or sugar cubes that she always brought him. She stepped into the refuge expecting to be alone except for the animals. She never noticed John's form in the shadow. Walking over to the horse stalls, she grabbed the brush off the barn shelf. Midnight let out a whinny and she smiled to herself.

"Hey boy. Looks like you're the only one glad to see me today." As soon as she grew close, the horse instantly started to pull at her pocket making Sarah laugh.

"Midnight likes ya," John said, his voice startling the young woman. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, noticing the way she had jumped.

"It's alright. I didn't know anyone was out here."

John chuckled. "I come here to hide out too."

"I'm not hiding." Her voice told John she was on the defensive and he tried to put her at ease.

"I just mean when I needs to think." Sarah nodded and stepped to the side to begin brushing Midnight. "Ya gotta lot on your mind?"

Sarah hesitated trying to decide whether to tell him the things that were bothering her. She liked John and she knew that he was perceptive but that perceptiveness worried her. She knew he would ask the hard questions if she really started to open up. "I guess," she muttered hoping he wouldn't push.

John sat down on a nearby bale of hay and relaxed back against the barn wall. His fingers pulled out a piece of the hay and he placed the end in his mouth. Sarah continued brushing the horse, unwilling to look up at him. John considered her for awhile carefully choosing his next words. "How's things with the judge?"

Sarah sighed heavily. "I don't know – he never showed up today."

John raised his eyebrows but Sarah did not look up at him. He could tell there was a great sense of hurt lying just below the surface and that she was already building a wall to keep it in. "Ya wanna talk about it?" he asked trying to sound casual.

"Not really," she replied purposefully avoiding his eyes. She just wanted to be alone – why couldn't he leave her alone.

John could tell he wasn't going to get much further with her today and so he stopped prying. "Just want ya to know that Ida and I are here if ya need to talk."

"Thanks," she replied, glad that he was already moving to leave. The closing of the barn door thumped loudly in her head. Now that she was alone, she realized she'd rather not be. All summer Sully had listened to her struggles with trying to decide about her relationship with the judge. All summer Michaela had written letter after letter full of advice. She had looked so forward to Michaela coming but nothing had turned out as she had planned. The visions of the three of them sailing, swimming, crabbing had yet to come true and she wondered if they would. Michaela was moody and she felt as if she was giving her the cold shoulder since she had arrived. Of course she had figured that they would want more time together but Sarah had counted on time with Michaela too.

Sarah turned abruptly at the sound of the barn door opening again. This time Michaela stood in the doorway squinting into the dark. "Sarah?" she questioned distinguishing her form.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Sully?" she asked.

"I'm not his keeper." Her voice was biting and Michaela felt the sting.

"Sorry," she muttered, dropping her head forlornly. Sarah noticed her change in demeanor but she didn't care at the moment, she was too busy feeling sorry for herself. Michaela walked into the barn edging closer to the stall where Sarah worked. "Did you have a good time with the judge today?" she asked tentatively trying to make small talk.

Sarah sighed loudly feeling tears close to the surface. "He didn't show up," she muttered brushing the horse vigorously.

Michaela was instantly moved and she crossed to where Sarah was, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Sarah shrugged her hand away. "Don't matter."

"Yes it does matter. He shouldn't stand you up without a really good explanation. He's been out of your life forever – you would think he would make up for that." Michaela's voice grew fiery as she spoke and her hands instantly went to her hips. Sarah was watching her, riveted by what she saw. "I have half a mind to go talk to him. What is he up to, saying he wants to have a relationship with you and then doing something like this."

Sarah smiled and reached out for Michaela's hand. "Maybe he had an emergency…."

"He should have sent word."

"Maybe he couldn't," Sarah offered.

"Are you defending him?"

"I suppose I should give him the benefit of the doubt," she said sheepishly. "I only get worried because he has yet to tell Clara about me and I worry that he won't tell her at all."

"Are you sure you don't want me to go over there?"

"Not yet," Sarah said grateful that Michaela was offering. She looked towards the ground shuffling her feet awkwardly. "I've missed you," she whispered wanting to express what she felt in her heart.

Michaela stepped closer. "I've missed you too," she replied. "I never really had a close friend besides Sully. I miss talking to you."

"I thought you and Sully were together – why were you looking for him?"

It was now Michaela's turn to sigh. "We fought," she explained giving a shake of her head. "Or I yelled at him at least – not sure that really constitutes a fight."

"Don't worry he knew you would be upset with him."

Michaela gave her a strange look. "He knew I would be upset with him about what?"

Sarah's eyes grew big as she realized she had said too much. "Umm… what did you fight about?"

Michaela instantly blushed. She didn't want to admit her jealousy to Sarah and she certainly didn't want to tell her about the poetry. Chewing anxiously on the inside of her cheek she looked again at Sarah and realized she too was hiding something. Trying hard to suppress the feelings that whirled inside of her, she took a deep breath. "He didn't tell me anything… we fought about something that happened." Sarah nodded and turned back to the horse to start brushing again. "Are you going to tell me?" Michaela asked after a moment of silence.

"I shouldn't have said anything… I just assumed…" her voice trailed off , an uncomfortable look on her face. "Daniel has written him… wants him to come back to Colorado Springs."

Michaela felt her heart tighten inside her chest and she couldn't tell if it had more to do with Sarah knowing before her or the fact that Sully was at least considering returning to Colorado.

"Michaela?" She received no response. "I'm sure he was plannin' on tellin' ya."

"How long has he known?" she whispered finding it hard to breathe.

Sarah felt incredibly guilty but she could see no way to dig herself and Sully out of this hole. "Two weeks," she whispered.

Michaela nodded her head actually feeling slightly relieved. Two weeks wasn't really enough time to write her and let her know. She took a deep breath to calm herself and try to think rationally. It was understandable that he would have a hard time telling her. In the past, she had always had a hard time letting him go or maybe he had already decided not to go. Yet in her heart she knew that was not the case – he would be going back, she had always known that. After all that was where they planned to live and raise their family. Did she really expect him to stay around Maryland or Boston waiting for her?

"Michaela, you have to understand he was nervous about tellin' ya." Sarah hadn't known that Michaela's thoughts had already softened on the matter. If she had then she wouldn't have continued trying to make things better when she was really only making them worse. "He just wanted my advice."

At those words a rage flew into her. "Didn't realize I was so difficult to talk to."

"It's not that Michaela…"

Sarah didn't get to finish because Michaela cut her off. "What is it then, Sarah? He needed a shoulder to lean on, a friendly ear to bend."

"In a way."

"And of course you happened to be here."

Sarah's eyes narrowed and then she suddenly smiled. "You're jealous."

Michaela grew flustered at the remark. "Don't be absurd – I am not jealous!"

"Even if I was interested in him which I'm not, Sully would never ever in a million years even look at another girl. You've got to believe that."

Michaela hardened her face even though she knew what Sarah was speaking the truth. At the moment, it didn't matter how much Sully loved her – how could he discuss his plans with Sarah before he had even told her. "It still doesn't give him the right to tell you his plans before me."

"He doesn't have any plans yet- he wants to talk to ya first!"

"No second!" she screamed back. "You were the first one he talked to remember?"

"Maybe if you hadn't stayed in Boston all summer."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ya always act like you're the one given up so much. Sully's leavin'… boo-hoo," Sarah mocked. "He's the one gave up havin' a family for ya. He's the one who stayed here cause ya were gonna come spend the summer with him. He's the one who keeps puttin' his dreams on hold for yours…. When ya gonna wake up Michaela- stop assuming the worst about him.."

"You have no right to say any of that Sarah! I thought you were my friend!"

"Guess we both made that mistake." With that said Sarah brushed past her and out into the bright sunshine. Michaela turned incredulous that Sarah had said those things to her. Now she was more sure than ever that Sarah had feelings for Sully.

* * *

**Cambridge - August 18, 1855**

Ida entered their bedroom and looked over at John who was obviously lost in thought as he had been for most of the night. She exhaled slowly and walked to the edge of the bed where she sat down waiting for him to look at her. Unhurriedly he raised his eyes, a knowing look in his eye. "I told ya it weren't gonna work."

"I know," Ida admitted, "but I had to try something. Michaela wouldn't say a word to me… acted like I wasn't even talking to her. It's been two days and I think they're only gettin' angrier. "

John snorted but shook his head. "Especially Michaela and Sarah… that's some kind of hornet's nest there."

Ida laughed. "Always said 'em girls were too much alike. Gunpowder and fire – is what those two are…one always settin' the other off."

"Poor Sully caught in the middle of all this."

"Poor Sully, my foot. It's that boy started this mess… if he had told Michaela.."

John interrupted her. "You can't possibly be takin' her side. That girl's bein' unreasonable. She won't even let him explain."

Ida clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "Should have known ya'd take his side."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do they pull y'all a side when you're little and tell y'all to gang up on us?"

John gave her a confused look. "Women – I think you've lost it."

"I just don't understand how someone whose always so level headed can think that this is Michaela's fault." She was growing crosser by the minute and John quickly realized that.

"I never said this was all Michaela's fault but it ain't all Sully's either. All three of 'em played a part. If ya ask me, this all started in Michaela's mind before she even got here. But Sarah helped things along by taggin' along with 'em after she arrived, askin' after Sully when she really wanted Michaela." He paused here and shook his head. "And I don't know what happened when Michaela and Sully went out alone together the other afternoon but that done play in here somewhere too."

Ida still looked upset even after John's explanation. "Sully should have told Michaela about Colorado right away… he shouldn't have waited and he certainly shouldn't have talked with Sarah about it first."

"The boy can be thick headed sometimes but I don't really think that's a crime."

"You wouldn't," she said sarcastically rolling her eyes. "If y'all would think with your brains once in awhile…" Ida's voice trailed off but John knew her implied meaning. She turned in the bed and settled back against her pillows, pulling the sheet over her legs. John reached over and turned down the lamp as a momentary silence settled between them. "Do ya think Sarah likes Sully?"

"Nah," John replied. "I think she's had fun with him this summer though…kinda like a brother to her and that's gonna be hard to give up."

"I hope she'll stay here with us once Sully leaves."

"I hope she will too." John reached over and took her hand in his. "I really do hope so – I think we could be good for her."

* * *

Sully stood on the porch and breathed in deeply, letting the night air fill his lungs. The moon was absolutely breath taking tonight. Perfectly round and full hanging close to the river just as Michaela liked it best. He could see her form on the dock and he wanted to go to her but he wasn't sure she would let him. All attempts to talk to her up to this point had been thwarted but he knew that she would soften eventually and he sort of hoped that the moon was already working its magic. Picking his way down the front lawn, he moved quietly not wanting to alert her to his presence. The sound of the water slapping against the pilings and the smell of salt in the air told him he was drawing close before he looked up to see himself only feet away from the dock. Michaela sat with her knees drawn to her chest, looking more like a little girl than the full grown woman she was. With one final deep breath, Sully stepped onto the dock and walked its length until he stood right behind her. "Moon's pretty tonight," he said softly.

Michaela turned and looked up at him. She had been aware of him since he had stepped onto the dock but she hadn't let on that she had noticed until now. "It is," she replied her voice steady and even.

Her words gave Sully hope and he smiled a little as he continued. "Can I sit down?"

"I'm not going to stop you." Michaela turned her head and looked out across the river ignoring how close Sully moved towards her after he sat down. When she felt his hand cover her own on the dock, she tensed but didn't pull away.

"Michaela I'm not sure how things got so off track but I just want to say that I'm sorry about everything."

"Everything?" Michaela asked unwilling to accept some generic apology.

Sully sighed heavily and began anew. "I am sorry that I kept reading that poem the other day and I'm sorry that I told Sarah about Daniel's letter before ya." Though he too had guessed at Michaela's jealousy, he didn't want to bring it up. Unless she admitted it first, he knew that it would only turn into another argument. "And I'm sorry that we're fightin' and wastin' this time that we have together."

"Me too," Michaela admitted in a very quiet voice. "I don't like that we're fighting."

"Then let's stop."

Michaela nodded and swallowed hard as she turned towards Sully. "I wish it could be that easy."

Sully took a chance and moved his hand to wrap it around her shoulder. "Why can't it?"

"There's so much between us," she whispered turning her eyes down towards the water, feeling as if she was sinking into the murky depths.

"What's between us?" His breath was hot against her ear as he dipped his head to whisper these words. Inside something stirred and she almost gave in. She almost forgot the anger, the pain of the last few days. From the back of her mind like some ghostly orb, she was haunted by the vision of Sarah and Sully walking towards the boat in Baltimore; playing with each other, teasing each other like they did or used to do.

"Sarah," she whispered without thinking.

"Ya have nothing to be jealous of."

Michaela picked her head up quickly, her eyes flashing with fire. "I'm not jealous," she denied adamantly.

Sully's voice was soft and soothing as he continued, hoping to push past the wall she was erecting. "Ya are and it's understandable but ain't nothin' goin' on between us."

Michaela wrenched away from him, hating that he knew her so well at that moment. "Don' t touch me!" she screamed, her voice making Sully cringe. She stood abruptly and started pacing to and fro on the end of the pier. "I am not jealous! I'm angry that you told her about Daniel's letter before you told me. It is wrong to discuss our private business with another person. She thought I already knew Sully – do you know how degrading that felt when I didn't even know what she was talking about?"

"Michaela I wasn't tryin' to hurt ya. Actualy I was tryin' not to hurt ya. I just was lookin' for some advice… I feel kinda lost right now like I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Just hangin on waitin' for ya to finish school."

"Then don't wait."

Sully shook his head, her words dazing him. "What are ya sayin'?"

"I'm saying stop waiting for me. Go on live your life however you want- you do anyway!"

Sully stood unsure what to say, the shock still apparent on his face. Immediately, Michaela felt bad unsure why she was treating him so harshly.

"Why do ya always try to push me away?"

His words haunted her as Michaela's heart froze inside of her chest. The truth was biting and she knew she had to tell him everything. "I just need time," she began trying to buy herself more time before admitting the truth. Watching Sully's face, she instantly felt guilty. She reached out her hand towards him but Sully did not respond. "We need to talk."

Sully nodded, his face dejected. "We do."

"Take me sailing tomorrow. Just you and me. We'll talk – I'll tell you everything." Her words were desperate wanting to hold onto him but knowing that she could not tell him everything right at this moment. "I promise," she whispered.

"Tomorrow," Sully repeated with a nod of his head. He turned to look out over the river.

"Are you coming in?"

"Nah – think I'll stay out here for a bit." He turned from Michaela and she felt the same iciness that she had shown him all week. Slowly she started up to the house, turning around at the top of the lawn to distinguish his form. She watched as he stripped off his shoes and shed his shirt, diving off the end of the dock. That was him, she thought to herself, jumping in without a thought. And this was her, safe and secure on land unwilling to give herself with wild abandon even to the person she loved most. She turned and looked up at the house, her eyes settling on the light in Sarah's room. Suddenly she knew what she had to do.

* * *

**August 19, 1855**

The morning dawned bright and beautiful with an unusual coolness to the morning August air. Sully rose early, having barely slept the night before. He felt anxious but hopeful all at the same time. After dressing, he took the book of Whitman poetry up to the widow's walk to read until breakfast. The poetry really was beautiful though some of the poems were risqué and he knew they would make Michaela uncomfortable. He asked himself if it was wrong to want to share something like this with her. The question turned over and over in his mind.

On one hand, he knew that reading the poetry together could excite them, arouse them, push things further than they should go. Deep down he wanted to know Michaela like that, every intimate place on her body belonging to him alone. He wanted to cover her with kisses, make her feel cherished and loved. Sully was sure that they could bring each other pleasure. He knew what her kisses and touch did to him, the way they soothed him and he wanted to do the same for her. Yet he knew there was also a proper time and place for that and it was not now. Still he thought sharing the poetry could be sensual, an outlet for their emotions without getting carried away physically. At least that was how he felt; he would have to try harder to understand how Michaela felt.

When he came down for breakfast, Sarah and Michaela were both already in the kitchen giggling about something as they set the table. The laughter brightened his own mood and he smiled first at Michaela and then at Sarah. "Mornin'."

"Good morning," they returned almost in unison.

Ida returned to the kitchen at the moment looking at the three young adults who stood before her and wondering what change had been wrought in just one night. The fact that Michaela and Sarah were on speaking terms again amazed her and seeing something other than a frown on Sully's face was certainly an improvement. "Let's go on and get started," she said moving the bowls of food from the counter to the table. "John gonna be another minute."

They took their seats each casting furtive glances at the other. Silence reigned as they passed around the food and each started to eat. The minute the plates were full, Michaela began chatting away. Between bites of food everyone from the table joined in as the topics ranged widely from Boston to Maryland, hospitals to crabbing and everything in between. John joined them within a few minutes, his eyes as wide as saucers as he regarded the scene before him. He looked down at Ida who simply shrugged her shoulders and gave a slight shake of her head. John chuckled to himself mystified at what wondrous change had been wrought.

After breakfast, Sarah had bid Sully and Michaela good-bye giving her best friend's hand a quick squeeze before she ran off to the barn to go riding. Michaela looked up sheepishly at Sully who was still clearing the dishes. "I'll meet you at the dock?" It was a statement and question all at the same time.

"Yeah," he replied unable to suppress the grin that rapidly spread upward from his mouth.

A few moments later he was walking down to the dock, his eyes fixed on Michaela's form standing on the end staring out over the water. He quickened his step and she turned when she heard his footsteps on the wood. "What's that?" she asked looking at the basket in his hands.

"Ida packed us a lunch case we stay out for awhile." He didn't mention that he had asked Ida to pack it, hoping they would be gone for awhile. Sully turned and climbed onto the boat and then helped Michaela up. He watched as she went and seated herself on the bow, making no move to help him with the sails. That intrigued and worried him at the same time. She appeared nervous and agitated making Sully fear a repeat of the scene from last night.

Soon they were underway, Sully sailing the boat to a little secluded place where he knew they could be alone. He lowered the main sail and dropped the anchor so that they wouldn't drift too close to the shallow part of the river. Moving towards the front of the boat and Michaela, he felt his stomach tighten. He wanted this to work, desperately he wanted it to work. Sitting down near her, he was careful to keep his distance. "Whadda ya think?" he asked waving his hand across the landscape before them.

Stunted pines stretched out on the shore in front of them, the water gently lapping at the shore. "It's very peaceful here," she replied weakly. Sully decided to wait for her to speak and so he stilled himself letting his eyes roam over the horizon. Minutes passed and still Michaela sat without saying a word.

Sully grew restless and impatient. He began to speak, carefully choosing his words. "Did ya want to talk?" Michaela shifted slightly but made no sound, her eyes still fixed on some far off point.

Michaela?" She didn't dare turn so that Sully could see her face. She was keenly aware of how easily he would read what was written there. She heard him shuffle towards the back of the boat. Raising her head a little, she cut her eyes towards the keel wondering what he was doing. "If ya ain't gonna talk to me then there's no need to be out here," he yelled back in frustration. "I thought ya wanted to come... I thought..." His voice broke slightly.

Michaela stood hastily, turning to face him before he had a chance to raise the main sail again. "I want to be out here." Sully met her eyes, unsure of what to say to her confession. Her words hadn't matched her actions since she arrived and he was tired of trying to figure out the hidden meaning in everything she did and said. "It's not easy to tell you what's bothering me. I don't like this part of myself..." She dropped her head aware that he would have to move closer to hear her if she continued.

Sully hesitated for a moment but then took a few tentative steps forward. When she didn't raise her head, he decided to try one more time and quickly closed the distance between them. He stood awkwardly in front of her. She looked so small and vulnerable that he wanted to pull her to himself but he feared another reaction like the one from the night before. Instead he crossed and uncrossed his arms, shifting from one foot to the other as he waited for her to continue.

"You were right," she whispered finally looking up at him. One of her hands reached out and grabbed onto his forearm, her fingers claw like in their hold on him. "I'm so sorry," she managed to choke out before the tears began in earnest. Whether it was her words or her emotions, Sully somehow knew that it was alright to hold her and he pried her fingers from around his arm than pulled her close. They stood for what seemed like forever, her tears soaking his shirt as he rocked her back and forth just as the river rocked the boat.

"I love ya," he whispered tenderly stroking her back as she calmed in his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she leaned in against him, pushing all the reasons to be angry with him to the side.

"I love you too," she whispered.

"Tell me," he begged, his voice breathy against her hair as he kissed her once again.

"I wish I had spent the summer here with you instead of in Boston. You were right I am jealous of Sarah." Sully made to interrupt her but she pulled back and raised a finger to his lips, giving his a slight shake of her head. "I know I don't have a reason to be. We talked last night for hours. She's been going through a lot too and you've been here for her. Sarah is like you Sully, she's never had a family and I think for the first time this summer she felt like part of one. She thinks of you as her brother."

Sully nodded. "She feels like my sister," he admitted. "You never did," he added.

Michaela breathed in deeply and exhaled, her eyes lost in the blueness of his. Neither noticed that the wind had picked up or the fast moving clouds that seemed to blot out the sun within moments. She swallowed hard, unsure how she was going to tell him this next piece. "About Colorado and Daniel….I understand." Sully furrowed his brow trying to make sense of what Michaela was telling him.

"Ya understand what?"

"That our home will be there and that you want to go back to make money to build our house."

"Exactly," he whispered.

"Has Daniel forgiven us?" she asked. This was the one question that had haunted her ever since she first heard about the letter though she hadn't dared to ask Sarah or Sully before now.

"I wrote to him a couple of times, apologizing, trying to make things right. He finally wrote back…. Said he missed me and wanted to me to come work for him again, if I wanted to."

"Is that all?" she asked.

Sully chuckled. "It's Daniel, Michaela. That means he forgives us."

"How do you know? Why didn't he say…"

Sully quieted her with a gentle kiss. "We speak our own language. I know what he meant."

Michaela nodded demurely and then looked up at the darkening sky. "Is this a storm coming up?"

Sully never took his eyes off her face. "It's moving too quickly- gonna blow right over." Sully's arm moved from around her in order to pull her hair to the side and he placed a warm kiss behind her ear. Gently he nuzzled her neck, breathing in deeply so that the smell of her filled his head. Michaela turned slightly in his arms in order to kiss him. Their lips met in a gentle kiss but it grew into a heated one within a matter of moments. A streak of lightening lit up the sky but both of them were too caught up in each other to pay much mind. The wind whipped around them but it only served to cool their flushed skin as their lips hungrily sought one another again and again, washing away the hurt and upset of the last few days. The clouds turned a darker shade of gray, completely blotting out the sun but still they paid no heed to their surroundings, caught up in the moment. It was only when fat raindrops began to pelt them that they pulled apart laughing.

"Maybe it won't blow over," Sully chuckled, catching her hand as he pulled her to the hatch that led below deck.

Once below, Sully smiled over at her and lifted his damp shirt over his head tossing it to the side. Pulling her close again, he placed a light kiss to the tip of her nose as he looked into her eyes wanting the moment to go on and on. Michaela wrapped her arms tightly around him, shivering slightly from the rain that had soaked her so quickly. Her movements further stirred Sully and he took them as a sign she wanted to continue their previous interlude. He ran his fingers through her damp hair being careful not to pull at the tangles. "You're so beautiful," he whispered leaning down to kiss her deeply, feeling as if the last few days had only been a horrible dream. When he pulled away, he stepped out of her embrace, taking her hand in his as he led them to sit down on the large padded seated area against the far wall. The rain on their skin smelled sweet and inviting as they clung to the moment. Michaela shivered again. "Are you cold?" Sully asked.

"A little."

He pulled her close letting her rest her head against his bare shoulder. "Why do we do this to ourselves?" he whispered in her ear and she could hear the frustration in his voice.

"I don't know," she answered breathlessly.

Sully smiled down at her leaning back so that he cradled her body against his. Brushing her wet hair back out of her face, he lightly stroked her cheek as she stared up into his eyes. She closed her eyes as he began to speak, letting the words wash over her. "Passing Stranger, you don't know how longingly I look upon you, you must be he I was seeking or she I was seeking (it comes to me as of a dream), I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you, All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured, You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me, I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only, You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass you take of my beard, breast, hands in return I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone, I am to wait, I do not doubt I will meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you."

Michaela let out a ragged breath as the words reached deep into her soul. "Is that more from Mr. Whitman?"

"Yes," Sully breathed out. "I wanted to show you that he writes beautiful things though some are …."

She opened her eyes. "Racy?"

Sully nodded and leaned in close to her ear. "Racy," he repeated.

"Don't lose me," she whispered. "Don't let me lose you."

"I won't," he returned as Michaela's hold on him tightened unconsciously.

"Kiss me," she whispered wanting to feel him close again. Sully complied as Michaela shifted in his arms. Gently he pushed her back against the cushion moving overtop of her. Michaela found his weight strangely comforting and she relaxed underneath of him. Sully was very aware though that being alone as they were, there was no reason to stop and that they would have to be careful about getting carried away. Part of not losing Michaela was not getting lost in the moment. Pulling away gently, he moved to the side and Michaela turned so that they lay flush against one another. "I dreamed this," she whispered her eyes closed and her voice far away.

"Us? Like this?" Sully received no reply. "Sailin'?" This time she shook her head no and Sully received his answer by the process of elimination.

"Every night this summer practically…." Her words were muffled and Sully wasn't sure that he had quite heard them.

"Michaela," he breathed out wanting to let her know how lucky he felt to have her open up about something so intimate.

"It scares me Sully."

"What scares you?"

"The way I feel about you. I want to be close to you but things happen…" she stopped knowing she wouldn't be able to put anything further into words.

Sully suppressed a chuckle. "Now ya know how I feel," he teased. "Kind of embarassin', ain't it?" Michaela nodded shyly.

"I wanted to tell you because that's why when you read the poetry… I don't know if I'm ready for ….." Michaela breathed out heavily trying to work up the courage to finish her sentence.

"Shh." Sully ran his finger along her bottom lip. "It ain't time for that yet."

"No."

Sully wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question but he let it be, leaning into her to place a kiss to the corner of her mouth. The beat of his heart was hard and strong when Michaela slipped her hand in between their damp bodies to rest it against his chest. The words of the poem continued to echo in her head and she opened her eyes to look into his, their noses almost touching. "Tell me something you remember."

"Remember about what?"

"Remember about us as children." She pushed her head forward to give him a quick peck on the lips, as her fingers began to move against his chest.

"Afternoons on the Common," he whispered, shifting his hands through her hair so that he could caress her scalp.

"Yes?" Her voice was breathy and light. Sully kissed her again, this time letting his lips linger on hers for a moment.

"Sneaking into each others rooms."

Michaela giggled. "Or out of Anna's house to sit on the dock."

Sully nodded turning his head slightly as he kissed her once again. "Swimming in the river."

"Kissing on the shore," she added her words barely escaping before Sully kissed her again. This time he did not pull back right away, letting his tongue dance across her lips until she opened to him with a hunger that matched his own.

When they finally broke apart, he asked, "Are ya alright?"

"Fine," she whispered her cheeks flushed and her breathing unsteady. One of Sully's hands was tangled in her hair, the other stroking her side just below her breast. Her shirt clung to her form and Sully could feel her heated skin through the damp material.

"Promise me we won't let this happen again. No one can come between us."

"Never again," she agreed moving her hand from where it laid on his chest to stroke his back. He reached up and unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt so that he could better kiss her neck. Michaela simply lay on her side running her hands over his rapidly heating skin as he placed hard kisses to her neck over and over until she pushed gently back on his chest.

Sully looked down at her, worried that the intensity was becoming too much but she was smiling contentedly. He pulled himself up and kissed her deeply before she slid down so that her nose was level with his chin. Peppering his chest with feather light kisses, Michaela moved back and forth enjoying the way Sully tensed each time she kissed him. Knowing they couldn't allow things to go any further, he relaxed concentrating on the ripples of pleasure floating through his body as her lips continued to enflame him. She pushed herself up and moved over Sully lying down on top of him so that she could rest her head against his bare chest. Sully continued to lightly stroke her hair, reveling in this rare intimacy they shared. The storm outside had blown over but neither wanted their time together to end.

"I guess we should go," he whispered after some unknown amount of time had passed.

Michaela stirred a little resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. The innocent look in her eyes made his desire only grow. "We should go," he said again knowing that they had tempted fate enough for the day. Michaela rose quickly and retrieved his shirt for him.

"Let me," she said lowering it over his head. Sully smiled and let her do up the buttons, strangely warmed by the care she showed him. "I'll help you sail home."

"'Bout time ya helped," he teased.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – 1866**

"Do you wanna go sailin'?" he asked.

Michaela regarded him warily. "John's out with the children on the boat."

"There's the little sail boat." Sully grinned mischievously, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"That boat is tiny…. I'll practically have to sit in your lap."

"Exactly," he said smiling up at her. "The sail boat is a great place to make up."

"But we haven't fought," she giggled.

He stood and pulled her up beside him, wrapping his arms around her. Leaning close he whispered in her ear, "Remember that afternoon… it stormed…"

Michaela involuntarily shivered and swallowed hard as she nodded. She knew that was the farthest they had ever let things go between them. Even now that they were much older and engaged again things hadn't gotten that heated, she hadn't let them. She pushed away from him. "Take your hands off me," she exclaimed.

Sully stood flabbergasted wondering why she had reacted so strongly. "Michaela we don't have ta … I just …I…"

Michaela turned back to him and shook her head. "I'm trying to pick a fight," she laughed. Sully narrowed his eyes. "So we can make up." He grabbed for her hand and started to run with her towards the dock, the light of love and youth shining in both their eyes.

* * *

**Cambridge – August 19, 1855**

The ride home was as magical as their time below deck. They took their time, lingering along the shoreline drifting along without the main sail. The current carried them towards home while Michaela stood at the wheel, Sully's arms around her. She had left the top buttons of her shirt undone and she stood barefoot on the wooden deck, the wind whipping at her hair and Sully's face next to her ear.

"We never ate," Michaela laughed when the house came into sight.

"That's okay – bet dinner's not far off."

"But all the food – Ida will wonder what we were doing if we weren't eating," she smiled at him mischievously as she said it, a light red creeping up her cheeks.

Sully moved close to her and leaned down to nibble at her neck. "Ya don't wanna tell her what we were doin'."

Michaela choked out the word, "No," and then laughed at her own behavior. Her hands flew quickly to her neck. "How bad is it?" she asked pushing her hair out of the way.

Sully ran his fingers over the faint traces of red that remained. "Hardly noticeable."

"Are you sure?"

"Michaela, we aren't kids anymore… I'm gonna be twenty one and you're already twenty three…. we are engaged…. she can't expect us to never get a little carried away."

"The way you say that makes me feel old." She rolled her eyes as she spoke making Sully laugh.

"I only marry older women," he teased.

"That's good to know." The horrid sound of the boat scraping up against the dock caught both their attention.

"Looks like I'll be paintin' the boat again before the end of the summer." Michaela giggled and ran to tie the spring line while Sully finished tidying the sails. After empting the the food from the picnic basket into the river, Michaela stood and watched as the fish came up to feast. She felt Sully's hand against the small of her back, alerting her that he was done.

"Ready?" she asked turning in towards him.

"We never talked about Colorado."

"We did.."

Sully interrupted her. "No ya did. I wanted to tell ya that I decided to stay here for awhile longer. I'm gonna write Daniel and tell him I'll come next spring. Figure I'll be able to work for a year save some money- then I wanna get started on our house."

"Our house," she repeated the words that sounded so beautiful to her ears.

"And I want to visit you…. every other weekend if I can. We need time together instead of always apart. Maybe I'll move to Philadelphia- take a job there."

Michaela eye's grew large and she threw her arms around his neck, kissing him hard on the lips. "Come to Philadelphia," she said. "Oh please come."

"I will," he whispered. "I will.

* * *

_Hope you all enjoy!! My writing should pick up now... well this week anyway. I hope to get 3-4 chapters out before I leave for Christmas. I don't know how much writing I will do over Christmas but once I return, I have a month off so look forward to a lot of Homecoming hopefully!! Thank you all so much!! _


	94. Chapter 94

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- four**

**Boston – October 14, 1855**

The curtains were still drawn over the windows though it was midday. Feeling as though she could stay in bed all day, she reluctantly lifted her head only to feel the room spin. Slowly she sat up, closing her eyes until the dizziness passed. Drawing herself out of the bed, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and gasped at what she saw. The left side of her face was blue and purple, her eye unable to open all the way. Running her hand over the bruising, she pushed down gently and winced at the pain. This was the worst it had ever been. There would be no hiding these bruises. No amount of face powder could blot away Everett's anger.

The children would see it, the nanny would see it, the servants would see it…. they would all know, not that they didn't already. The children didn't know but only because they were too young. But that would change soon. Elise would be two at the end of the year and Adam one. Soon they would be able to talk, to ask questions, to hear their father yell. That was why she had fought last night. Usually she gave in. It was easier that way and then he didn't beat her. She wasn't sure what had made her fight last night other than the children.

Marjorie was asleep when he came home. The first thing she had felt was his hand on her thigh pushing up her nightgown. The pungent stench of whiskey registered in her nostrils and she knew what he wanted. Trying to be diplomatic, she had asked him to leave her alone but he had ignored her. He was already pulling his pants off when she pushed him away. That had been the breaking point. The first blow was to the side of her head but Marjorie continued to fight him, pushing at his chest and kicking at his legs. Everett was surprised at first but he soon gained the upper hand and eventually he had his way.

Still, fighting him had felt good. Walking to the window, she drew back the curtain and raised the window breathing in the autumn air. It smelled like freedom to her, wonderful delightful freedom. She was determined to know that feeling again; she was determined to be free again. Gone were the vain thoughts of what people would think of her is she filed for a divorce. That didn't matter anymore; nothing mattered except keeping the children and herself safe.

Today, she would pack two suitcases, taking only what was really necessary and she would go to her parent's house. They would not refuse her and once her mother and father understood, they would protect her, that she was sure of. It would be hard to tell them but it had to be done. They had to get away.

The bedroom door opened and she turned expecting to see the nanny or one of the servants. She literally shrank back in fright when she realized it was Everett. He walked in, a sullen look upon his face and Marjorie couldn't tell if he was angry or not. As his eyes caught sight of her injuries, a pained expression came to his face. "Oh God," he muttered crossing quickly to his wife and dropping to his knees. This unexpected behavior confused Marjorie and she remained seated waiting to see what he would do. When he raised his head to look at her, there were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he crooned laying his head in her lap and kissing her hands. "I can't believe I did this to you."

His words felt hollow to Marjorie even with the emotion behind them. Standing quickly, she surprised him. "You won't do it again," she said, a slight quiver in her voice.

"I promise never again." Everett misunderstood her words.

"I'm leaving," she whispered moving closer to the bed. "I'm taking the children and going to my parents."

Everett stood quickly and Marjorie cowered behind the bed post assuming the worse but when he reached for her, his touch was soft and gentle. "I know I don't deserve you," he began. "You have every right to leave me. I'm a horrible person."

Marjorie felt her heart softening but she told herself not to give in. Steeling her will she responded, "You're not horrible Everett but you do horrible things and I can't let you do them anymore." There was an icy calmness to her voice that made her feel empowered.

"Please," he begged looking in her eyes. "Please." His hand came up to stoke the uninjured side of her face. "Marjorie I love you. I love you so much. I don't know why I do these things. I promise I'll quick drinking – just don't go." Marjorie swallowed hard as she railed against the part of herself that wanted to give in to him. She shook her head, finding words too difficult at the moment. He looked like a lost little boy and the urge to help me was powerful. A vision of a happy family where Everett didn't drink or pummel her senseless rose to the surface in her mind as she grasped onto the bedpost trying to remain strong. "Please don't leave me. I can't live without you."

"Everett, you don't mean that," she whispered.

"I do – the only thing I have is you and the children. You mean the world to me. If you go, there's no reason to live."

Marjorie's face crumpled as she heard the desperation in his voice. It wasn't so much what he said but rather how he said it. "Everett, you have to change. If you don't, I will leave I mean it."

"I'll do anything- anything… I promise. Please don't go."

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath but knew she was losing the battle. One month, she told herself. She would give him one month and if things weren't better, she would leave.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - October 15, 1855**

After turning down the lamps in the morning room, John stepped out on to the porch, looking down at the dock to the three figures laughing and talking in the moonlight. It was good to have them all here again and he was glad to see that they were getting along. The quarrels of the summer seemed long forgotten. Sully had left with Michaela for Philadelphia and though he had been sad to see him go, he knew it would strengthen their relationship. Sarah had only grown closer to him and Ida, finally opening up to them for which they both were glad. Still having them all here again, even if only for a long weekend, warmed his heart. Feeling content, he turned and headed up to bed expecting Ida to already be asleep. He was surprised to see the crack of light at the bottom of their door and he was even more surprised when he opened the door to find her wide awake.

"Whatcha doin' up?" he asked regarding her quizzically.

Ida let out a light sigh. "Just thinkin'."

John chuckled. "It looks more like ya stewin'. Thought ya'd be happy to have 'em all here."

"I am," she replied weakly.

"Ya should see 'em - all three out on the dock keepin' the fish awake. Ya should hear the way they're carryin' on." John's voice was full of amusement reflecting the lightness in his spirit. When he looked back at Ida the worry lines were still on her face and she was wringing her hands in front of her. "What's got ya so worked up?"

"Ya remember that day over the summer, they were gone sailin' all afternoon? Michaela came back with her shirt half unbuttoned and red marks all over her neck."

"I remember," he said rolling his eyes. "I done remember how ya were all worked up over it then. And it weren't half unbuttoned… she had the top two buttons undone."

Ida ignored him as she continued, "And Sully's shirt was all untucked and rumpled like it'd been balled up in a corner for half the day."

"Ida they're engaged. Ya don't expect them to never touch each other, do ya? But a couple of undone buttons, a rumpled shirt from the summer got ya all worked up again?"

Ida turned now to face him, the moon illuminating half her face while the other half remained in shadow. "John… I think… well… I can't help but to wonder if they ain't in trouble."

"Trouble?" John rose up on his elbow so that he could see her better, trying to figure out what in the world she was talking about.

"What if… well what if Michaela's pregnant?" This only elicited more laughter from John. "Stop laughin', I'm serious."

"No you're plum crazy."

"I ain't crazy," she said loudly, hating the fact that John was mocking her. "I don't know why I even bother talkin' to ya sometimes," Ida exclaimed rolling over onto her side.

"Cause ya love me." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek but Ida simply brushed him away. Shaking his head, he looked down at his wife and sighed heavily. "She ain't pregnant."

"That's what Anna told her father too."

"Michaela ain't Anna."

"I know but sometimes history repeats itself. I just think we better keep on eye on 'em, that's all I'm sayin'."

At first her statement was met with silence but when John began to speak she could hear the agitation in his voice. "Ya need to stop meddlin' in their lives. They done grown up and they don't need ya tellin' 'em what's right and wrong."

She took offense at his tone and his insinuation that she was meddling. "I ain't meddlin'. Can't I be concerned about 'em?"

"If ya gonna be concerned from a distance," John replied turning over in the bed and moving away from his wife.

"Ya do things your way and I'll do 'em mine."

"Nothin' I say gonna matter anyway!"

"Hmph!" Ida scooted as far from her husband as she could get as well. Sleep would not come easily tonight for either of them.

* * *

**October 16, 1855**

Sully slipped into the morning room, his lips curling into a smile as he watched Michaela napping on the couch, a textbook resting on her chest. He kneeled down beside her and gently stroked his arm. Michaela's eyes fluttered open, the two shades of green making his heart race. "Thought ya were gonna read," he teased.

Michaela stretched lazily, turning on her side to face him. "Think I stayed up too late last night."

"Probably."

"I was having a wonderful dream."

"Right now?" Sully asked, his interest piqued by her statement. "About what?"

Michaela blushed and dropped her eyes demurely. "Nothing," she whispered.

Sully leaned in so that his mouth hovered just over her ear. "What did ya dream?"

"It's silly."

"Tell me." His voice was warm and rich and when she looked up to meet his eyes, she felt as if she could tell him anything.

"We were married…" Her voice drifted off watching the change in Sully's features as a warm feeling gathered around her midsection.

"That sounds nice," he replied taking her hand in his and encouraging her to continue.

Michaela's blush deepened when she realized what Sully thought. "Oh.. we weren't… I mean… I was pregnant and you had your hand on my stomach feeling the baby kick."

Sully smiled widely and reached over with his free hand placing it over top her abdomen. Michaela interlaced her fingers through his as he rested his chin on the side of the couch. "I can't wait to have a family with ya."

Michaela instantly felt guilty at his words knowing that the reason they were waiting was all due to her. "I'm sorry," she began but Sully interrupted her.

"Sh.. that's not what I meant." Michaela nodded, grateful that Sully could discern her thoughts so easily. "I only meant that someday, we'll have a family to take care of." Sully's face took on a dreamlike quality as he spoke. "Little girls and little boys to love." Michaela could see the desire in his face and she knew that he longed to provide for others what he had been cheated out of. "I'm gonna be a good father," he said confidently. "I promise ya that."

"I already know you will be," she assured him.

"Are ya gonna go back to readin'?"

"I better," she sighed rolling her eyes which made Sully chuckle. "I wish I had left my books in Philadelphia."

"If you're a good girl and get your readin' done then we can go sailin' this afternoon."

"That sounds nice but I have an appointment in town at 2 so after that?"

"Michaela," Sully chided. "Ya ain't still plannin' on goin' over to the judge's house, are ya?" Michaela picked up the book and held it in front of her face. "Ya don't need to give Clara more reasons to be upset with ya."

"I'm not scared of her," she said lowering the book just a little.

"It ain't about ya bein' scared." He stopped and rocked back on his heels. His sudden silence intrigued Michaela and she couldn't resist peeking over at him. "Least let me come and wait in the carriage."

"I'll be fine," she protested.

"Ya probably will but it'd make me feel better."

Michaela narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "You'll stay in the carriage unless I need you?" Sully nodded. "Alright," she acquiesced.

"Then I'll leave ya alone to finish," he said wryly tapping the top of the book. He started to rise but Michaela held fast to his hand. He looked down at her questioningly but instantly discerned her thoughts. She laid the book back down as Sully leaned over her and brushed her lips with his. Michaela surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him towards her for a deeper kiss. When she let go, Sully couldn't help the silly grin on his face as he rose and left her alone to finish reading.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - 1866**

Sully shifted nervously on the bench outside of the clinic once again crossing and uncrossing his ankles. His eyes shifted to the door and then back to the road again. How long could an examination take? It had been two weeks since they had first suspected and each day seemed to confirm their original suspicion. Yet neither wanted to get their hopes up until they were sure; still Sully knew that if it turned out she wasn't pregnant, they would both be disappointed.

The sound of the door opening caused him to jump to his feet, looking expectantly to his right. Michaela stood there waving him inside and Sully quickly complied. Dr. Bernard was in the corner washing his hands as Sully stepped in, reaching over to take Michaela's hand in his own. "Ya alright?" he asked and she nodded with a smile. His heart filled with hope at that moment as he turned expectantly to the older gentleman who was now drying his hands.

"Mr. Sully," he said extending his hand. Sully shook it but said nothing in reply. "Dr. Quinn wanted me to tell you the news together, though I suspect you both already knew. She is indeed pregnant." Sully turned towards his wife who was now beaming but she was still looking at the doctor.

"How far along do you think Dr. Bernard?"

Dr. Bernard smiled and couldn't resist a little chuckle, intrigued by how Michaela forgot her own medical training preferring to depend on his. "I would say around three months. Think we're looking at a June baby here."

"June," Sully repeated and Michaela could hear the happiness in his voice. He dropped her hand and pulled her close ignoring Dr. Bernard's presence for the moment. "We're gonna have a baby," he whispered.

"I know," she replied trying hard to control the emotion that was about to sweep over her. "I thought…. I was afraid I had lost…" She couldn't get the rest of the words out before Sully enveloped her in his arms.

"Ya lost nothin'. We're gonna have it all Michaela… every dream we every dreamed. We're gonna have it all."

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 16, 1855**

Ida stood in the kitchen nervously moving around when Sully entered. She had observed the scene between the two in the morning room as Sully had mistakenly left the door open. John's warning that she shouldn't meddle had been long forgotten and the sight of their hands folded over Michaela's lower abdomen had her mind working again. The thought that Michaela was pregnant would not leave her alone and she had always found her intuition to be good in these circumstances.

"Sully, tell me 'bout Philadelphia," Ida said casually hoping to gain some small amount of information.

"What do ya wanna know?"

"Tell me what your day is like."

"Well I gotta be at work 'round seven so I have to get up early. The boardin' house I'm stayin' at is kinda close to the factory so that's nice, I guess." He looked over at Ida wondering if this was what she wanted to hear. "Work ain't too bad. Just like bein' on the docks but I'm inside."

"Ya see Michaela much?"

"After work I usually meet her at the library and we go for a walk or something. She has to be back at the boarding house by eight at the latest though."

Ida nodded her head as she listened to him, wondering what they did if they didn't go for a walk. "Even on weekends?"

"No on weekends she can get permission to stay out later sometimes. We went and saw a play couple weekends ago."

"That's nice," Ida replied still hungry for more information but unsure how she was going to get it. "How 'bout your boarding house? They strict too."

Sully laughed. "Ain't no rules at mine – 'cept ya can't bring in street girls." Ida raised her eyebrows in surprise as Sully spoke. "Michaela hates that they got rules cause she's a woman. Ask her about it – she'll fill your ear full talkin' 'bout the double standard." Sully laughed as he spoke and Ida smiled appropriately.

"Well I done have to agree wit' her. They should have rules at your boarding house too."

Giving Ida a wry grin, Sully replied, "I don't think Michaela is worried about us havin' rules. Think she'd rather have hers dropped."

Ida gave a shake of her head. "That's the problem with these women's rights free thinkers. They done filled her head with their nonsense. Ain't interested in raisin' the standard for everyone.. no sir… they just want everyone to be able to live in sin."

To Sully's relief, John entered the kitchen at that moment having heard Ida's rant from the back porch. "Ya done?" he asked as he stepped inside.

Ida looked up at him and knew he was talking about more than just her little tirade. "Ya heard all that?" she asked sheepishly. She had thought he was working on the boat or else she never would have asked Sully so many questions.

John never answered her but turned towards Sully. "Ya wanna help me fix the barn roof?"

"Sure." With that he followed John out the door, leaving Ida alone with her wild imagination.

* * *

Michaela ran her hand along the rich wood of the mahogany desk in front of her. It reminded her of the desk in the library at Anna's house. There was something soothing in the heavy edge and she concentrated on that as she tried to calm her nerves. She knew that Sully was just outside should she need him but she truly hoped that she didn't. The door behind her opened and she turned briskly expecting to see the judge step through but was surprised to see Clara instead.

"Michaela," she said frostily. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I'm not here to see you Clara. I have business to discuss with your husband." Their eyes met in a standoff and Michaela straightened her shoulders as she rose to her feet.

"What business would that be?" Breaking eye contact, Clara moved over behind the desk and propped herself on the arm of the chair.

"It's a private matter."

"Tell me or don't tell me, it doesn't matter. My husband and I have no secrets."

Michaela couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Clara obviously didn't know her husband very well. "I can think of one or two things you don't know," she replied, regretting it the minute the words had left her mouth.

Clara was taken aback but before she had a chance to respond the door opened again. "Darling?" Judge Pennock asked looking from his wife to Miss Quinn. "Are you making our guest feel welcome?"

"Of course," she replied, her voice sickly sweet.

"Good, good." He stepped in front of Michaela and reached for her hand. "Miss Quinn, it is nice to see you again."

"Your honor," she replied keeping her eyes fixed on him to avoid looking at Clara.

"Darling, would you excuse us?" he asked straightening and turning towards his chair.

Clara looked disappointed but she moved from her position. Sauntering over to the door, she turned back to Michaela. "Do tell Sully that I miss seeing him around so much."

The smirk on her face told Michaela that she was trying to get a rise out of her. Determined to remain icy calm, she simply nodded and said, "I'll do that."

The judge waited for the click of the door before he looked over at Michaela again. "Miss Quinn, I know why you are here."

"You do?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I know Sarah is upset with me." His face grew sad as he spoke and Michaela shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to remain objective.

"Judge Pennock with all due respect, she is more than upset. I am not going to stand by and watch you treat her like this. Her whole life she hasn't had a family and you offer her the prospect of having one and then snatch it away from her. That simply isn't right."

"I don't plan to snatch anything away from her. It's a delicate situation – I have to handle it gently or it could get out of hand."

"Worried about ruining your reputation?" Her words were cutting and they found their mark.

"I know you think I'm selfish and vain…"

Michaela interrupted him. "I didn't think so but now you seem intent on proving it. You led Sarah to believe that you would tell Clara about her. Why haven't you?"

The judge bowed his head and folded his hands on the desk in front of him. From this angle, Michaela thought the judge looked much older than his age and she could tell this whole situation was wearing on him. "It's hard to explain."

"Why don't you try."

The judge leaned back in his chair, his eyes still focused downward. "Scandals ruin lives Miss Quinn."

"I am aware of that but I also believe people need to take responsibility for their actions."

The judge finally looked up at her now. "When Sarah's mother ran away, I tried to find her. I am not sure that Sarah believes that but I really did love her. When I saw Sarah in my courtroom… she is the spitting image of her mother…. I had to talk to her, to tell her. I wanted to know her and for her to know me. When I found out her mother had died while she was still young, I wanted to tell her the things I remembered about her. I'm not so sure anymore that I made the right decision."

Michaela twisted her mouth into a frown. "I don't understand."

"Maybe it was selfish to want to reconnect with her after all this time. I can't seem to do anything but upset her and that is what worries me. I am afraid it will only get worse when it becomes public knowledge that she is my daughter."

Michaela let out a slow breath as she considered his words. "She thinks you are ashamed of her."

The judge furrowed his brow. "It's hard for us to talk sometimes. I was afraid that is what she thought but she wouldn't tell me."

"Make her tell you," Michaela replied. "And tell her how you feel as well. Stop being afraid of what might happen."

"I don't know…" His voice held an uncertainty that rattled Michaela.

"Well I do know – I know that if you continue to hurt my best friend that I won't be very forgiving." This statement caught the judge by surprise but he remained quiet waiting to see if she would say anything else. "Either get out of her life, or let her fully into yours."

The corner of the judge's mouth turned up into a corner. "You've got spunk, I'll give you that."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Michaela asked, perturbed by his comment.

"I wasn't insulting you Miss Quinn. I happen to respect you deeply. You really do intrigue me and if I wasn't a married man than I would be very interested in getting to know you better."

Michaela cast him a doubtful look. "I would prefer if you kept comments like that to yourself."

"Again Miss Quinn, I mean it as a compliment."

Michaela stood abruptly. "Well I've said what I came to say so I'll be going but I do hope you will take it to heart."

The judge walked her to his office door. "I will Miss Quinn, I think my daughter and I need to simply communicate better."

Michaela nodded her head. "I do hope you'll try."

"I hope so as well," the judge replied as he opened the door for her to leave.

* * *

**Boston**

The embers of the fire were dying as the room grew cooler and cooler. There was no need of fires though, his anger heated him as he clenched and unclenched his fists. The telegram had come three days ago but he was still seething over it. Michaela's first break from school – one long weekend and she had chosen to spend it in Maryland rather than returning to Boston.

The image of Sully and Michaela locked in a moonlight kiss kept replaying over and over again in his mind. The lies and deceit seemed to pile up and this telegram was only anther incident to add to the others. Josef knew that he shouldn't feel this way – jealous of his daughter's beau but he couldn't help but think that Sully was slowly ruining Michaela's life. They could never marry and live in Boston. Everyone viewed them as brother and sister even if they weren't. Michaela would never be able to be a doctor and raise a family. What was the point of her even going to medical school? Would she realize this while she was there? That had been Josef's prayer for the past two months but he could see now that other action would have to be taken.

Tucking the telegram away in a drawer of his desk, he stood and left the room. Heading up the stairs, he convinced himself that what he was about to do was necessary. Opening her bedroom door, he looked around, wondering where she would keep his letters. Methodically, he checked every location that came to mind. He pulled through dresser drawers and her closet. He looked under the bed and turned out the false bottom in her jewelry drawer but he found nothing.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he felt disappointed; his desire to gain more knowledge about the two of them unquenched. Staring out of the window, he let his mind drift to where the letters could possibly be. The feel of padded paws on his leg stirred him from his thoughts. He looked down to see Byron at his feet, jumping up playfully and looking for Michaela. Josef picked up the dog and he ran back and forth on the bed sniffing for his owner's scent. He settled down against her pillow but then raised his head and whined for her. "She's not here," Josef whispered to the dog. The dog made another strangled sound before settling back down again. "She left us…." Josef's voice trailed off, thick with an unspoken grief. There were letters and he would find them, sooner or later.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland**

"Sully?" Michaela called opening the door of the barn as she looked back at the house.

"Michaela?" Sully moved towards the open door and smiled when she came into view. "What are ya doin' out here?"

Even in the moonlight, Sully could see a heavy blush had settled on her cheeks. She stepped in close to him and ran her hand leisurely up his arm. "I feel like it's been forever since I had a few moments alone with you. I suppose Philadelphia has spoiled me."

"Me too," he whispered drawing her near. "Still I think it did Sarah good to go sailing with us."

"I thought so too." She grew silent fidgeting a little against him. "The judge promised me to talk with her though. I hope he does."

"Me too," Sully agreed.

"Clara asked after you today."

Sully shifted uncomfortably. "Michaela," he began but she reached up placing a light kiss on his lips to quiet him.

"I know better than to think that." Sully smiled at her and pulled her even closer. "Are you done with the chores?"

"Yeah – wanna head back into the house?" Michaela didn't answer him but leaned in, nuzzling his neck. "Wanna go up in the loft for a little bit?"

Again there was no answer but Michaela pulled away and moved in that direction, taking Sully's hand in her own. Once up in the loft they settled down in the hay waiting until their eyes had fully adjusted to the darkness. "The hay smells sweet," Michaela whispered feeling her own nerves get the best of her. She tried to relax moving in towards Sully.

"Remember when William and Marjorie caught us in here together?" There was amusement in his voice as he wrapped his arm around her waist, both lying back in the hay.

"They almost caught us," Michaela amended.

"Even if they didn't see us, they still knew."

"True," she conceded. "How about when there was snowing outside and Ida caught us up here."

Sully laughed. "Mechanics."

"What?"

"I asked ya what ya thought about … marriage and you said mechanics."

Michaela smiled playfully as she ran her hand slowly up and down his arm educing goose bumps on his flesh. "We were talking about… marriage.. weren't we?"

Sully moved in towards her, until he could feel her breath against his cheek. Rolling a little to the side, he placed a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. "'Til Ida found us."

"I think when Ida found us, we weren't talking."

"What were we doin'?" Sully asked cheekily.

Michaela smiled over at him and wrapped her arm around his back as she slid even closer so that their bodies were touching. She hooked her leg over Sully's in a bold move that surprised both of them. "Something like this," she whispered, her eyes running over Sully's face.

Sully moved against her and Michaela swallowed hard when she realized what her maneuvering had done to him. Her cheeks felt as if they were on fire but she didn't move away. "Ya alright?" he asked. She nodded and pushed against him as Sully moved down to claim her lips once again. The kisses were light and innocent at first but soon grew heated as they rolled back and forth in the hay. The chill of the autumn air was driven completely away and though Michaela knew that she would be picking hay out of her hair for days, she didn't care. Sully was careful to stop his hands from wandering, content to simply be so close to her. Neither was aware of the time that passed as their mind was clouded with desire. Again and again their lips pressed against each other, their tongues dancing together in a rhythm that felt as if it has always been.

Michaela found herself on her back, Sully pressing her into the hay. His mouth trailed warm kisses to her ear as she moved underneath of him oblivious to anything but their bodies. Sully was very aware of her movements though he knew Michaela had no idea what she was doing to him. Quickly he rolled them so that she was on top and though he continued to kiss her, he stilled his body trying to calm down. Eventually Michaela pulled back, moving down to rest her head on his chest while letting her hand trail up and down his side.

One of Sully's hands rested in the hay and the other ran absentmindedly through Michaela's hair. "I love ya," he whispered into the darkness, feeling the strong beat of her heart as she lay against him.

"Oh Sully, I love you too." One hand was under her head the other against his side. Neither felt like moving and so they simply laid there, enjoying the chance to be close. Hands stilled and eyes closed, each believing that the other was still awake. The cow lowed and the horse whinnied but neither heard the noises, each lost in secret dreams. The first light of dawn coming in the small window at the top of the loft woke Sully. Michaela still lay partially covering his body, her head resting on his chest. At first Sully simply watched her sleep until his mind put all the pieces together. They had stayed the night together in the barn - they would have a lot of explaining to do.

* * *

_I hope everyone enjoys!! I am going home on Saturday for a week to celebrate Christmas with my family. I probably won't get much done while I am there though I am taking the laptop but I know how things go. Still I will be back right after the New Year with a whole free month in front of me so get ready for lots of chapters… it's time to get these two broken up and back together. Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays to everyone!! Thanks so much for reading!_


	95. Chapter 95

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- five**

**Boston – October 17, 1855**

"Josef… Josef…Josef!"

He turned over in the bed, feeling the effects of a night spent awake, his mind full of thoughts of Michaela. "Elizabeth?"

"It's almost noon. Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine," he lied as he pushed himself up in the bed.

"You didn't come to bed 'til after three." She cut her eyes over towards Josef trying to figure out what had him acting so strangely.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Are you still upset that Michaela didn't come to Boston on her break?" She walked to the window as she spoke and opened the curtains to let in the sun. Turning towards the bed, she let her eyes settle on her husband's pale face knowing that this was exactly why he was upset. She sensed that he too now suspected Michaela and Sully's relationship but she knew he would never willingly admit that to her.

"I was never upset." Josef rose from the bed, feeling Elizabeth's eyes on him. "I simply was taken aback by her decision. Guess she isn't as homesick as I thought." He laughed as he said this last line but it sounded forced.

Elizabeth wasn't fooled in the least and even the laugh could not cover the melancholy tone of his voice or his highly uncharacteristic behavior of the last few days. "You are upset. I can hear it in your voice."

"Is it wrong to miss your daughter?" he asked a bit on the defensive side. He stepped into the closet and pulled out a fresh shirt and pants which he laid on the bed. Crossing to the wash basin, he poured some fresh water from the pitcher to wash his face.

"Of course not," Elizabeth replied. "After all she is our baby and I find myself missing her more than I thought I would. It seems strange to have an empty house." She turned to face him, slowly walking to his side. "Maybe we should plan a trip to Philadelphia to see her. We could go for the weekend."

Josef nodded as he straightened from washing his face. "Perhaps we could go for a visit.'

"When would you like to go? I'll have a telegram sent to make sure it suits Michaela."

"Yes, do that."

"Oh, by the way, where you in Michaela's room? The door was open this morning and it looked as if someone had been through her drawers."

Josef walked back to the bed quickly, avoiding Elizabeth's eyes. "I was looking for a book I had leant her. She said she left it in her room." He mumbled as he spoke hoping the lie was believable.

"Did you find it?"

"No," Josef replied standing now in front of his clothes and staring at them absent mindedly.

"You might try Sully's old room – Michaela likes to read in there sometimes though I don't know why."

Josef's head snapped to the side as he turned his attention to his wife. "Sully's room?" She nodded. The thought hadn't occurred to him last night but it made perfect sense. Of course she wouldn't hide the letters in her room- that was the first place someone would look. Sully's room was the perfect place – they never used it as a guest room and so it was rarely disturbed. Yes they had to be in Sully's room. Without dressing, Josef headed to the door ready to scour Sully's room for any trace of the letters.

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth asked.

Josef turned obviously flustered by Elizabeth's question. "To look for the book in Sully's room."

"Aren't you going to dress first? It's after noon."

Josef looked down. "It'll only take a minute." With that he stepped from the room leaving a puzzled Elizabeth behind. His footsteps reverberated off the wooden floorboards as he crossed quickly to the door just beyond Michaela's. Stopping in front of the room that had at one time been Sully's, he paused and smiled pleased with himself and with Elizabeth's unknown help. One quick turn of the handle and he entered the room crossing immediately to the closet as if drawn there. He opened the door and spotted the wooden box wedged back in the corner. Taking a deep breath, he stepped in and drew out the box, his hands shaking with the anticipation of what he would find inside.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 17, 1855**

Sully tensed underneath of Michaela and she felt it even in her semi-conscious state. Without registering their precarious circumstances, she raised her head and smiled up at Sully. Her chin rested on his chest and the hardness of the muscles underneath her fingertips strangely thrilled her. Wetting her lips, she smiled up at him alluringly. Sully shook his head, a worried look in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Michaela asked still high on the euphoria of simply being with him.

"We spent the night together in the barn." There was an urgency in his voice that made Michaela sit up rapidly, the chill in the air immediately hitting her. Sully sat up as well watching her shiver. She moved back in close to him, simply to chase away the coolness and found his embrace warm. "What are we going to do?" he asked holding her close, the fear still in his voice.

"Ida won't like this," she whispered racking her brain for a solution. "Maybe it's not as late as we think it is…"

"I don't know – the sun seems rather high." He kissed the side of her head as he spoke, letting his lips linger against her hair. The tension from earlier seemed to melt away from both of them with this one small gesture. Whether or not Ida was upset seemed inconsequential at the moment; it felt too natural to wake up with Michaela like this. She sat between his legs leaning in against him, her legs thrown casually overtop of his right leg. Sully trailed his hand down her back, letting his fingers run sensually over her skin.

"We're in trouble," Michaela affirmed, a smile spreading across her lips as she spoke. She picked up his hand which rested on her lower leg and linked her fingers through his. "I suppose we should go in and face whatever is coming."

"Ya aren't worried?" Michaela shook her head which made Sully smile.

Turning her head down, her cheeks turned a brilliant red. "It was worth it," she whispered giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Sully brought his hand back around and turned her chin up towards him so that he could place a gentle kiss to her lips.

Moving away a little, he said "Let's go in." His breath rustled her hair as he spoke making Michaela smile as she nodded in agreement. Sully descended the loft ladder first and stood at the bottom waiting for Michaela. The minute she turned towards him, he couldn't resist pulling her into his embrace once more. "We're in so much trouble," he reiterated a silly grin spreading across his face.

Michaela nodded still not particularly caring as she kissed him again. They stood there for a moment simply looking into the other's eyes until Sully released her. Instantly he reached for her hand as they stepped from the barn to walk inside.

"How much hay is in my hair?" Michaela asked picking at a stray piece she could see out of the corner of her eye.

Sully chuckled. "Lots."

"That isn't going to look good."

"'Cause stayin' out all night looks great." Sully laughed as he said it but even Michaela could hear the nervousness in his voice as they approached the house. She felt her stomach flutter as well as she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze that was as much for her as it was him. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, sharing one last lingering look before they both set a foot on the first step. Together they ascended to the back door, trepidation setting in quickly. Michaela placed her hand on the screen door and pulled it open taking a deep breath as Sully placed his hand on the door knob. Swinging it open, they stepped into the room each ready to hear Ida's voice ringing through the air towards them but all that greeted them was silence- the kitchen was deserted.

Sully pulled on Michaela's hand, each increasing their pace as they hurried across the kitchen, the trepidation quickly spilling into euphoria. Carefully they crept up the stairs, avoiding the third step which creaked loudly. Before either knew it, they were standing in Michaela's room wide grins on their faces. Michaela looked over at the clock. "Ida must be sleeping in," she laughed leaning in to kiss Sully in triumph. As she pulled back she looked up at him shyly.

"What is it?" Sully asked, curious about her sudden attitude change.

"We were worried that we would get caught but I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I mean, I know how it looks but I also know that nothing happened."

The look of innocence on her face combined with the sincerity in her voice gave Sully pause for a moment. Slowly, he nodded letting his eyes run over her face as he tried to memorize this enchanting look. The early morning light illuminating the highlights in her hair, the gold flecks in the green of her eyes sparkling and the heightened color of her cheeks endearing her to him all the more. "We did nothing wrong," he assured her. "It was incredible to wake up with you. I can't wait until we're married."

Michaela felt her heart leap inside of her at those words and the smile on her face reflected the joy she felt. "Me either," she whispered, not wanting to break the magical moment that they shared.

Now acutely aware of the time that passed, Sully moved back a little. "I better not press my luck. 'Cause if no ones up yet they will be soon." Michaela nodded in agreement and moved with him towards the door to give him one final kiss. Sully stepped from the room, closing the door gently behind him. He couldn't help how giddy he felt inside or how happy either. With ease Sully moved down the hall, his heart light and his spirit soaring as he closed his bedroom door behind him, his mind still lost in thoughts of Michaela.

* * *

John stood in the shadow of the barn still, his eyes narrowly fixed on the backdoor as Ida's words haunted him. He knew that what he had seen proved nothing but he couldn't help the doubts that now played through his head. If they were intimately involved it was still none of their business but now that he had seen them emerge from a night in the barn, he began to wander if Ida was on to something. What if Michaela was pregnant? What if they were already secretly married?

John shook his head and stamped his feet as if trying to physically shake off the thoughts that were bearing down upon him. Moving out of the shadow, he headed into the barn and sat down to milk the cow trying to keep himself occupied. Still visions of the two of them in the loft seemed permanently etched on his mind. Within moments, his work had been abandoned and he climbed the ladder as if some scrap of evidence would have been left behind. There was nothing but some indentations in the hay. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find but now that his mind was working it seemed to take over and he couldn't stop it. Descending the ladder once again, he tried to refocus muttering out loud "Ya need to stop it John."

He managed to make it through his morning chores but he remained preoccupied with the situation. Finally he concluded that neither Sully nor Michaela would allow this sort of thing to happen before marriage and thus if they really were intimate with one another it was because they were secretly married. After all the engagement had been a secret – only a few people had known. They would probably think they couldn't tell anyone about their marriage until Michaela was done medical school. John had expected Sully to go west again – not to move to Philadelphia like he had. There was only one reason that John could think of that he would and that was to be with Michaela. What if they were already married – living under the same roof while Michaela went to medical college? What if she really was pregnant with their first child?

The opening of the barn door, woke him from his thoughts and he looked up to see Ida enter. "Why didn't ya wake me?" she grouched, her face wrinkled in annoyance.

John twisted his mouth up and looked back down at the mare he was brushing. "Figured ya were up last night worryin' 'bout 'em youngins – didn't see no need to wake ya."

"So ya just gonna let me sleep the day away?"

"Would've woken ya eventually…" The words were slow and drawn out making Ida even more angry though she wasn't quite sure why.

"Ya ain't gotta make fun of me- I gotta right ta be worried 'bout 'em. Something goin' on that's awful funny." She expected John to laugh at her or shake his head in disgust. When he didn't, it made her curious. "Ya think somethin's up too, don't ya?"

"Don't reckon I do," he lied hating that his wife read him so easily.

Ida laughed loudly for a moment. "Yeah ya do but ya ain't gonna tell me, are ya? It'd kill ya if I was right."

John simply shook his head, suppressing the strange smile that came to his lips. He hated it when his wife was right but there was also something strangely wonderful about being known so well. He allowed a silence to settle between them momentarily; the only sounds those of the animals in their stalls. Ida shuffled her feet against the hay on the floor and then began to leave when she realized he wasn't going to say more. As she turned, he spoke. "I ain't thinkin' all that crazy stuff you're thinkin' but I guess in my own way I kinda think that somethin' else might be goin' on."

Ida kept her back to John for the moment and smiled to herself at his words. Taking care to make her face neutral, she turned back around. "Crazy?" she asked knowing she wasn't going to receive an answer. She walked slowly over to the mare and put her hand over John's to still the brush. "Whatcha think?"

"I ain't gonna say nothin'," he replied with a shake of his head. "Just gonna watch 'em more closely."

"Ya just as bad as me," she said smartly as she turned briskly to proceed back to the house. She stopped once at the barn door and turned around to see him watching her. "Yes siree… just as bad as me." She chuckled and opened the door, already reminding herself to keep her eyes and ears open.

She didn't have long to wait for as she stepped into the back door of the kitchen, there stood Sarah at the stove frying bacon for breakfast while Michaela stood at the counter stirring the biscuit mix. Ida smiled from one to the other and chuckled lightly. "Guess y'all must've gotten hungry and decided to fix somethin' for yourself." Both girls laughed at her comment. "Need any help?"

Sarah motioned with her head over towards Michaela and raised her eyebrows to signal that she thought Michaela might. Ida moved over beside her. "I don't need any help," she replied quickly, a smile on her face. "I am following your recipe."

"Yeah, ya say that every time," Sarah teased. Michaela cut her eyes over at her friend before sprinkling flour on the table to begin to roll out the biscuits.

"I can do that," Ida said picking up the rolling pin before Michaela could.

"You don't have to," she replied but stepped out of the way towards Sarah knowing it was pointless to argue. It never mattered what she did; her biscuits were never the same as Ida's. She leaned back against the wall near the stove watching Sarah remove the first bacon from the frying pan and set it on the plate. After snagging a piece, she noticed that Sarah's dress was darned in several places. Making a mental note to look through her things she said, "Sarah I have some dresses that don't fit me anymore. I thought you might want to look through them, see if anything fits you."

Sarah looked up at her knowing that her friend wasn't being completely truthful. "Sure," she replied, deciding not to argue. After all she could use some new dresses.

"Whadda ya mean they don't fit?" Ida asked looking up from where she was cutting biscuits with the round metal cutter.

"Too small," Michaela said nonchalantly, thinking nothing of it.

"Ya gain some weight?" Ida really looked hard at her now, paying carefully attention to her midsection.

"I guess," Michaela lied, giving a small shrug of her shoulders. "Probably from eating different things in Philadelphia than I'm used to."

"I could let some of ya things out for ya."

"Oh I have plenty that still fit – just a few too small." She moved to the other side of the kitchen hoping Ida didn't continue to press the point. Sarah was always hesitant to take things from Michaela even second hand clothing. Michaela was more than willing to buy her new dresses but Sarah had flatly refused that offer.

Much to her relief, Sully chose that minute to enter the kitchen, stopping first at the stove to steal a piece of bacon just like Michaela moments earlier. "Hey," Sarah called moving the plate to the other side of the stove. "'Tween ya and Michaela ain't gonna be any bacon left." Sully laughed and moved over toward his fiancé.

Michaela opened her arms to him and he gave her a brief hug. "You slept late this morning," she remarked giving him a sultry look.

"Maybe if you didn't keep him up so late," Sarah said without even turning around. "I never heard you two even come in."

Ida kept her head bowed though her eyes grew large. She didn't know that to her side, Sully and Michaela were exchanging similar glances. Sully chuckled nervously. "It was pretty late when we came in from the porch. The night was too gorgeous to waste."

"Sure was," Michaela added dropping her hand to his and giving it a light squeeze. Ida never said a word but simply made a note in her mind. It wasn't that shocking that Michaela and Sully stayed up together late into the night. They often did when they visited but that added to the events of the last few days and the information that Michaela no longer fit into several of her dresses was too incriminating. She was more certain than ever that Michaela was pregnant, the only question now in her mind was whether the two of them were married or not.

* * *

After a leisurely breakfast, Sully, Michaela and Sarah went sailing down to the mouth of the river. They hadn't planned on going far since Sarah was supposed to meet the judge that afternoon. A messenger had arrived during breakfast with a note for Sarah. The judge wrote that he had news for Sarah and asked if she could meet him. Michaela's heart leapt within her when she heard this, sure that her talk with the judge was pushing him in the right direction.

Sully was doing all of the sailing as Michaela and Sarah sat in the stern on the cushioned seat. The wind whipped at their hair which neither had tied up loving the way it felt blowing about. They giggled as they watched Sully run back and forth, managing everything on his own. Occasionally they asked if he needed any help but every time he simply shook his head and acted slightly perturbed with them as he scurried around the deck. Michaela had unlaced her boots and taken off her stockings although the air wasn't exactly warm. She loved the smell of the salty air and with her shoes off she could almost imagine it was summer.

Eventually Sully turned them into a small cove of sorts where the water jutted inland. They couldn't go far as it became narrow quickly but it was still rather deep allowing Sully to drop the anchor. The river was extremely choppy this particular morning and he knew that it wouldn't be enjoyable to sit still with the boat being constantly tossed back and forth. In the cove the water was calmer and so after securing everything, he headed to the stern to see what the girls were doing. They giggled as he approached and for some strange reason it made him feel self-conscious.

"Ya really shouldn't do that," he said stopping in front of them.

Michaela scooted towards Sarah and patted the seat on the other side of her. "Do what?" she asked as Sully sat. Michaela scooted over beside him but he didn't put his arm around her, rather crossed them over his chest.

"Laugh at me." Focusing his eyes on the horizon, he purposefully did not look at either of them as he continued. "After all I'm the one who did all the work to bring ya out here."

"It's not like we couldn't have done it," Michaela fired back, her voice now with an edge that Sully wasn't sure was put on or serious. Still he refused to look over at her. "Right Sarah?" she asked.

"Right," Sarah agreed, as her and Michaela shared a sly grin. "We both can sail. Ya ain't talkin' to some dainty ol' girls who can't get their hands messy."

Sully turned quickly to look at both of them as a wicked idea came to mind. "Really?" He raised his eyebrows as he asked, hoping that he had seen the marker correctly when he had dropped the anchor.

"Really." Michaela spoke confidently, squaring her shoulders.

Sully rose quickly and crossed to the other side of the boat leaving both girls perplexed. They speculated about what he was doing but from this angle it was hard to see his exact movements. He bent over the side of the boat and Michaela saw the rope in his hand assuming he was raising the anchor. Yet the next moment she saw the wire netting and knew what he had. "Sully," she warned. "Put that back."

Sully turned around a mischievous grin on his face as he pulled the crab pot as far on the deck as the rope would allow. He set it down and rubbed his hands together. Michaela and Sarah both could see the crabs inside the trap and knew what he was about to do. Michaela pulled her bare feet in, tucking them beside her up on the seat just as Sully turned the crab pot, released the door and gave it a good shake to free the creatures. Tossing the pot back over the side of the boat, he used the toe of his boot to step on a large jimmy just as it started to do its sideways walk. Picking up the blue crab in just the right place, he walked towards the girls, chuckling. "How ya ladies feel about crabs?"

"Put that back," Michaela said again this time unable to resist smiling at him.

"Be careful, he loves toes." He said drawing closer. The crab flailed its claws out in front of him, his pincers opening and closing as he tried to get away from Sully.

"We aren't scared," Sarah began. "This ain't messy stuff – it's stupid to pick up a crab." She rolled her eyes at him but pulled her own shoe clad feet up onto the cushion as Sully kicked a couple of crabs closer to them with a gentle swipe of his foot. Casually planning to toss the crab over the side of the boat, he turned his wrist at just the wrong moment and the crab managed to close on Sully's finger. He flung it at the same moment as the pincer closed letting out a yell of agony as he did so. "Damn crab," he yelled when it finally came free. Blood began to drip from his finger and he cursed again.

"Would you watch your mouth," Michaela scolded. "And kick these crabs overboard so I can look at that. Sully scowled but held his thumb awkwardly out in front of him as he delivered the crabs over the side of the boat. Sarah stood and picked up the crab pot to toss it back over as Michaela moved quickly to assess the damage to his finger. She procured a handkerchief from the small bag she had brought along and quickly wrapped it around his finger trying to stop the bleeding. "Serves you right – tormenting us like that."

Sully shook his head but when Michaela turned her face up to look at him, he saw nothing but compassion. In all the commotion, no one had noticed how rough even the inland waters had grown or how much the boat shifted back and forth in the choppy waves. After having Sully sit down, she applied pressure to his thumb until the bleeding abated somewhat. The top of his thumb wasn't bad but the pad had a deep gash in it and was bruising and swelling. "Keep this on it," she told him. "Looks like Sarah and I will be sailing back." She stood and stumbled a little. Sully steadied her, noticing how pale her face had become.

"Ya alright?"

"Fine," she said brushing it off. "Just a little dizzy."

"Ain't getting' woozy from the sight of blood, are ya doc?" Sarah teased.

Michaela tried to laugh but her stomach lurched and she turned quickly moving towards the side rail. Leaning over she expelled the content of her stomach trying hard not to get it on the deck or herself. Sully reached for her as the boat sent her sprawling sideways once again. Grabbing her about the waist, Sully helped her find her footing. She leaned back against him as he practically drug her to the cushion. "What's wrong?" he asked squatting down in front of her with a look of concern on his face.

"I think I'm seasick," she replied letting her head loll to the side.

"Good thing I know how to sail," Sarah said turning towards the anchor.

"Sure is," Sully agreed sitting back down beside Michaela and cradling her head against his body as he heard the sound of Sarah raising the main sail.

Once they were underway, Michaela sat up to try and let the wind cool down her body. She felt flushed and hot, her stomach still churning uncontrollably. Never had something come on her so quickly but she knew more than anything at that moment she wanted off the boat.

As they drew closer she insisted on standing near the railing, letting the wind blow over her body as she fixed her eyes on the horizon. Soon they were on the dock, John helping to secure things when he realized that Sully was injured and Michaela was ill.

It was only after Michaela had gone inside and Sarah had left for the judge's that Ida ventured out to the dock. She had passed Sully in the hallway as he headed to the morning room to check on Michaela. John was just coming off the boat after scrubbing down parts of the deck, mostly to occupy him instead of having to fight off thoughts of Sully and Michaela. He turned to see Ida watching him and he smiled at her weakly. If the thought of pregnancy had not been so deeply implanted in their brain already, both would have assumed she was simply seasick. Yet that seemed impossible to conclude now.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Ida asked moving closer to the edge of the dock.

John shook his head trying to decide whether to tell her or not. "Rememberin' how sick bein' on the boat made ya when ya were in your first months."

The words settled over them as a silent confirmation. "It's true, ain't it?" Ida's voice rang out clear as a bell.

John sighed and lowered his head. "Looks like it might be," he managed to mutter. He raised his head quickly now. "But Ida, she ain't Anna – ya can't treat this like she is." Ida was quiet, her eyes fixed at some point far away. John stepped down onto the dock and moved close to her running an arm around her back. "Let her tell us in her own time."

"It ruined her life John."

"No, it didn't," he corrected. "Ya don't know that Anna wouldn't have married him anyway. Ya don't know that she wouldn't have moved to Boston anyway."

"Boston broke her heart – she hated it there."

"I know," he said trying to comfort her. He never quite understood why speaking of Anna's marriage upset Ida so much but it did. After all Ida had been very young when all this had happened to Anna. She had only come to find out the details of Anna's hurried marriage much later from her mother and Anna herself when she had returned to Cambridge to care for her ailing father. "She loves Sully though – ya know that."

"Still- what about medical school – her dreams? Anna gave up all her dreams for that boy."

"And I guarantee if ya asked her she would say it was worth it."

Ida grew rather pensive, laying her head against his shoulder rather like a young girl. John silently stroked her arm, trying to chase away this demon that he never quite understood. "I wonder if Josef knows what she gave up for him." Her voice was low almost lost in the wind but John heard it.

"I'm sure he doesn't… few children ever do."

* * *

**Boston – 1860**

"Michaela you know that I am only thinking of your future."

Michaela still continued to look out the picture window, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular. A few months ago she would have cried but not now. "Yes, I know," she whispered.

"I never should have let you go to Colorado – I truly believed you were over him. I am sorry that you were hurt." Josef stepped closer and put a hand on her shoulder.

Michaela nodded. "I wanted to believe so too," she whispered. "But it only made me question if I had made the right choice and then everything else…"

"You made the right choice Michaela. Look at Miriam; Robert isn't letting her practice medicine. Then of course there is Marjorie's predicament. Marriage and children would only be a distraction for you Michaela. You're too intelligent to waste your time changing diapers and cooking meals in some backwoods town."

Michaela nodded feeling that dull ache return to her heart. The hurt comforted her though – at least she wasn't numb anymore. "I suppose," she said listlessly hoping her father would soon stop talking as it was only making things worse.

"Consider my mother Michaela. Anna was meant for so much more – she was always so unhappy, tremendously unhappy because of her marriage. I don't know if you ever knew that."

"Do you really think she was?" Michaela turned to face him, the green of her eyes penetrating his steely gray.

Her question gave Josef pause. For once he truly considered his words before answering her. The words came out from some deep place and he instantly regretted uttering them. "I suppose it's easier to blame my father than to blame myself."

Michaela wrinkled her forehead trying to make sense of Josef's comment. "If you think Anna was unhappy because of you then your wrong father. She was unhappy because of Boston."

"I wish that was true," he whispered. "I wish that was true."

* * *

_I'm back and with almost a whole month before school starts…. Wonder what I'll do to occupy myself… giggle. Thank you all so very much for voting Homecoming number one in most promising stories… I was shocked that is won and I think I am still in shock. I am deeply honored and wanted everyone to know how much I appreciate my readers. Happy New Year everyone!!!_


	96. Chapter 96

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- six **

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 17, 1855**

"This is going to hurt," she warned him, the needle hovering over his thumb. "Are you sure that you don't want to go into town and let the doctor do this?"

"Are ya tryin' to make me more nervous – cause it's workin'." Sully gave her an exasperated look. "Just sew it up."

Michaela nodded and then went to her task as Sully tried to suppress his groans. She moved quickly hearing the small noises he struggled to keep down. Looking up at him, she smiled. "All done." His face was pale as he looked down at his finger now stitched perfectly together in neat little rows.

"Thanks doc," he teased using his good hand to stroke the side of her cheek. "Ya sure you're feelin' better?"

"I told you I was fine. I needed off that boat – I have never felt seasick like that before."

"That's what ya get for laughin' at me."

Michaela rolled her eyes and reached for the thin strip of material she planned to wrap over the stitches. "You'll need to keep this covered or you will end up at the doctor's anyway."

"Yes m'am." He lay back against the couch cutting his eyes over at her. "So wanna do somethin' 'til Sarah gets back?"

"Like what?" Sully shrugged his shoulders, unwilling to suggest what was on his mind. Michaela's brow wrinkled as she considered him, knowing that he was indeed thinking of something. "You had nothing in mind?"

"Not particularly," Sully lied.

"Yes you did." Sully turned his head so that she wouldn't see the smile that played across his lips. "And I know what it was."

That caught his attention and despite his urge to resist, he turned to look at her. "What was it then, smarty pants?"

Michaela dropped her voice and looked at him accusingly. "You wanted to go out to the barn."

"Ain't a bad idea," he joked, ignoring the stern look on Michaela's face.

"Well if you are going to be fresh." She rose quickly and flounced to the other side of the room, turning to smile back at Sully alluringly. Sully laughed at her expression and rose to follow her but as he approached she reached out to push him away.

"Your loss," he said turning quickly to head back to the couch.

This time it was Michaela who followed him. "You give up to easy." She perched herself beside him, placing one hand on his knee and giving a hard squeeze.

"Oh do I?" She nodded and moved closer to him so that their lips were close together. "Thought ya didn't want to do this," he remarked. Michaela laughed and brought her lips to his, initiating a playful kiss.

"You're right, I don't want to do this," she teased moving away after the kiss and settling on the other end of the couch. Sully let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head at her. "I need to go through my dresses and pick out some for Sarah. Hers are looking pretty worn."

"Will she take them?"

"Only if I tell her they don't fit me anymore."

"And she believes that?"

"Pretends that she does anyway," Michaela laughed. "'Course I might have gained some weight."

Sully snickered. "Your waist is tiny – if ya gained a pound I'd know."

Michaela wrinkled her forehead up at his last comment as she rose from the couch. "And what would you think if I gained some weight?"

"That there was more of you to love," Sully replied without hesitation.

"Good answer." She reached for his hand, pulling him up off the couch. "Come upstairs with me."

"Alright," Sully groaned pushing himself up. "Suppose I don't got nothin' better to do than look at dresses with ya."

They were still laughing and carrying on as they moved through the downstairs towards the front stairs. The front door burst open and Sarah stood there, her face streaked with tears and her eyes bloodshot. She hiccupped and sniffled all at the same time, then dashed past them up the stairs and into her bedroom before either had a chance to say anything.

"Guess that didn't go well," Sully said letting out a low whistle.

"Oh my, I'll go talk to her."

"Maybe ya should give her some time," Sully began but Michaela interrupted him.

"Girls like to talk it through." She moved up the stairs leaving Sully at the bottom, stewing slightly that she rarely took his advice.

"No, ya like to talk it through," he called after her but received no reply as she disappeared from sight.

Michaela knocked once on Sarah's door but then tried the knob before she even received an answer. The door opened soundlessly to reveal Sarah sprawled out across the bed, a pillow covering her head. As Michaela started to cross the room, she rolled over onto her back and looked towards Michaela. "I can't believe it," she whispered rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around herself.

"What happened, Sarah?" Michaela sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to stroke her arm. "What did he do?"

Sarah grew quiet but her body still shook from some unknown jolt. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and began to speak. "He wanted to tell me that Clara's expecting their first child." She grew quiet after this sentence and Michaela wasn't sure how to reply. The news while unexpected wasn't necessarily surprising or upsetting. Sarah opened her eyes, fixing them on the ceiling before continuing. "He has decided that for the best of his children that he would like to keep our relationship private." The words were his, not hers and she turned now to Michaela needing to speak the pain that was threatening to choke her. Throwing her head into Michaela's lap, she sobbed, "He doesn't want anyone to know about me."

Michaela felt rage flare up inside of her and she took a deep breath to stifle the angry words that threatened to spill out. "Sarah," she whispered to keep from yelling. "I'm so sorry."

"He told me that ya came to see him." As she spoke, she kept her head down but she didn't move away. Michaela was unsure whether she was upset about this as well.

"I wanted to help. I never expected…" Her voice trailed off as she considered the possibility that she had caused this by giving him an ultimatum of sorts.

"I know ya did," Sarah assured her reaching for her hand as she turned onto her side. Michaela used her free hand to stroke her best friends hair, letting the curls pull through her fingers. "And I'm grateful that ya went. He said Clara just told him this morning- so don't go thinkin' that ya caused this." Michaela couldn't help but smile at how well Sarah knew her. "I was stupid to ever listen to a word he said."

"No you weren't. There was no way of knowing how this would turn out. You tried to be cautious." Michaela paused for a moment as once again guilt reared up inside of her. "And I pushed you to pursue it."

Sarah sat up now. "This ain't your fault."

"Well it isn't yours either."

Sarah considered her words and nodded after a moment. "It is in a way. I made the decision to let him in – I didn't have to."

"But I pushed you to."

"You gave me advice – it was still my choice. I did the choosing."

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

"I was so confused. There was so much pressure. First Miriam and then Marjorie – I was afraid that marriage was a dead end; that you would change once a baby came along. And my father kept telling me you would, that I was too smart to waste my life as a wife."

"Michaela blame whoever ya want but it don't change the fact that ya pushed me away. It wasn't your father that did it and it wasn't Miriam or Marjorie. Ya did it – it was your choice in the end." Sully turned towards her now, the look in his eyes no longer angry, only hurt. "And in the end, I wasn't enough."

"You were, you were. I swear you were.. I mean you are. I've been so confused but I'm not now. Please Sully listen to me, please I know I've hurt you terribly. I'm so sorry."

Sully nodded as she grew quiet, his heart almost giving into the look in her eyes. For the past year and a half he had longed to hear these words but now that she was actually saying them, it felt wrong. The tears did not move him as they once did. His heart was empty and his mind numb from too much emotion. "I know you are." His voice was gentle and sincere. "I'm almost… " The words got caught in his throat and he never finished the sentence. More spinning emotions made his head hurt and he reached for his temple shielding his eyes from the open window as he did so. "I'm sorry too," he whispered giving her one small ray of hope. Their eyes met and the hope disappeared. "It's too late now, Michaela. Nothin' ya do or say can take back the past – the words." They seemed burned indelibly upon his memory and even now her departure at the train station was playing in his mind, mocking him. "We can't get back what we lost."

"Don't say that," she whispered reaching for him as he moved away. Her hand caught the edge of his sleeve but it pulled through her fingers and she knew then that no amount of words was going to change his mind.

"It hurts too much." He placed his hand over his heart as he spoke. "I gotta stop this – somehow I gotta stop it." She could see the anger returning and she moved to the side as he pushed past her. "Ya ain't gonna hurt me again." With that he walked from the room and out of her life.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 17, 1855**

Sully sat on the bottom step waiting for any noise from above. He really had counted on Sarah refusing her admittance and so it surprised him when he heard the door open and close – no slamming or screaming. Sarah had a temper on her, he had seen it before. Plus he always considered her more of a loner like himself who simply needed to deal with things privately before discussing them with anyone. Shaking his head, he sighed loudly and leaned his head against the knule post to wait for her return. Women baffled him and he wondered if he would ever guess right where they were concerned. The opening of a door followed by fast footsteps made him perk up and he wrenched his head around to see Michaela descending the stairs two at a time. He stood and held up his arms as if to bring her to a halt.

"Don't' try to stop me," she exclaimed pushing on full steam ahead. "I'm going over there!"

"You're going where?" he asked, her words baffling him momentarily. Within the next second he understood her intention though and moved in front of her again. "Michaela ya need to calm down first."

She snorted angrily but nodded her head knowing he was right. With rapid strides she moved back and forth in front of him, her fists clenched in rage. "He's not going to get away with this."

Sully laid a hand on her shoulder stilling her at least for the moment. "What did he do?" The words that the judge had done something had already ignited a similar flame inside of Sully and he was unsure whether he would be able to restrain himself when he found out. The creak of the stairs caught both of their attention and they each lifted their head to see Sarah at the top, her hair wild behind her and her eyes full of an angry hurt.

Sarah recognized the look on Michaela's face and knew she was seeking permission to tell Sully. "Ya can tell him," she whispered sitting down on the creaky step.

Michaela turned back to Sully who now gripped both her arms. "Clara's pregnant and the judge has decided that for their child's future it's best if Sarah remains a secret." Michaela could have smiled when the same indignation appeared in Sully's eyes that she felt in her chest. "I'm going over there," she reiterated sure now that Sully wouldn't stop her.

"Ya don't have to go," Sarah said weakly from the steps.

"If you don't want me to go, say the word and I won't but this isn't right, Sarah. Someone needs to set him straight."

She swallowed hard and nodded letting her head flop against the wall. Her heart felt as if it could not take another moment of the pain and she wanted more than anything to make her father pay for his actions. Though she knew revenge would solve nothing, she couldn't help but be happy that Michaela wanted to defend her.

"I think it's best if I go," Sully suddenly spoke up finally releasing Michaela. In his mind he could already hear Michaela's protest and he decided to stop it before she even uttered a word. "I ain't gonna stop ya from goin' but I ain't lettin' ya go in there alone either. I don't trust him and I certainly don't trust that whore he married."

Michaela's eyes grew large at Sully's use of such a word. She wasn't sure whether to blush or smile. "Sully," she reprimanded but he could see in her eyes that she wasn't upset with him.

"Sorry but I'm tired of those two."

"If it's okay with Sarah," she turned once again to ask her permission, "then let's both go."

Sarah nodded and gave them a brief smile almost wishing she had the heart to go with them but she knew it was better that she didn't. "Don't go easy on him," she said trying to laugh though it sounded more like a strangled sob.

"Don't worry – we won't," Sully assured her, grabbing Michaela by the hand as they headed out the front door.

* * *

**Boston – October 17, 1855**

Josef sat on the floor, his back pressed against Sully's bed with the box open in front of him. Inside was one small stack of letters tied neatly with a hair ribbon, addressed to Michaela in his mother's gentle sloping hand. The tight thud of anticipation he had felt every since discovering the box earlier now left him. There had been no time when he had first made his discovery to actually explore it. Elizabeth turned up at the door insisting he get dressed and come down to lunch only moments after his discovery.

Now though his wife was at a garden club meeting for the afternoon and he had at least three hours of free time in front of him. Josef was careful to close and lock the door behind him so that no one would wander in without his knowledge. It would be hard to explain what he was doing if Elizabeth returned home early.

Even though he was disappointed, he pulled the bundle of letters out and flipped through them to assure the top one was not some sort of decoy. More disappointment though, each one was from his mother. Would there be evidence in these he wondered? After all, he was fairly certain that Anna had known about Michaela and Sully; still why would they correspond about their relationship. Setting the letters to the side, he reached further in realizing there were a few more items in the bottom.

The first thing his hands encountered was a book entitled _Wuthering Heights_. Josef had never read it but he thumbed curiously through the pages trying to ascertain any special significance. A flower fell from between two pages and he held it up to the sunlight streaming through the window looking at the pressed petals that appeared so delicate. The faded color and the shape of the petals identified it as an azalea and he suddenly imagined Michaela and Sully walking along the Charles hand in hand with the bloom tucked behind her ear. Placing the bloom back into the book, he carefully set it down beside the stack of letters and reached for another item.

He let his hands run down the spine, his eyes instantly recognizing the book before him. It was the drawing pad that Elizabeth had confronted him with years before, the one where Sully drew Michaela over and over again. Silently cursing himself, Josef hastily tossed the item aside unable to look at more of the pictures contained within.

The last thing in the box was another bundle tied with a sting. This string he undid, setting the stack in front of him as he picked up the top piece of folded paper. Opening it, he found a newspaper clipping about Sully's friend Daniel and his mine. Frustrated that it wasn't some telling piece of evidence, he moved on. Tied together with a bit of twine were several train ticket stubs. Josef couldn't resist looking through them but each as he suspected were simply remnants of trips to Maryland until he came to the last one. This ticket stub was not to Maryland but to Andover where Sully had gone to school. He considered the item for a moment his hands shaking as he considered the possibility that Michaela had snuck away to see Sully while he was at school. Yet within the next moment he was chastising himself. He still couldn't bring himself to accept that this intimate relationship was anything but a more recent development. They were only children then, he told himself, incapable of this kind of emotional attachment. There were more items underneath the train tickets, things that seemed harmless – a bill to a play, a newspaper clipping of Sullivan's father's death and some single drawings that he assumed Sully had made in Maryland.

After retying this bundle, he went back into the box and found only one item remaining. A small wooden box lined with velvet that had unmistakably at one time held a ring of some kind. Engraved on the bottom of the box were two words joined by an ampersand – Tiffany & Young. Letting his fingers trace over the edges of the box, he turned it over again in his hand. Logically he knew with the amount of jewelry in the Quinn household, this ring box could have contained any ring. Still his gut told him this had contained a present from Sully to Michaela.

Still holding the box, he looked at the items spread around him and cursed in a low whisper. These items told a story he knew but there was no way to know that story without a narrator explaining the significance of each item. Disappointment flooded him as he began replacing each item into the crate. If she had kept each of these things, there must be letters as well and now more than ever he was determined to find them.

**

* * *

****River Run Plantation, Cambridge Maryland – October 17, 1855**

One of the slaves answered the door as usual but this time he was dressed in a formal suit and he welcomed the two visitors with a wide sweep of his hand. "We're here to see Judge Pennock," Michaela said, anxious to come face to face with the object of her wrath.

"Ya's not here for the master's dinner party?"

"No we aren't," Sully replied hardening his face as he felt sure they were about to be rushed away.

"I don't thinks that the master is accepting visitors. He's upstairs gettin' ready for a dinner party."

"Who is it Silas?" came a voice from the top of the stairs. Both Michaela and Sully looked up to see Clara standing there in a beautiful blue dress, her blond hair in ringlets that spilled around her face. Yet the moment her eyes caught sight of Michaela and Sully, disdain entered her face. "What are you doing here?" she demanded, her eyes focused on Michaela as she spoke.

"We've come to see the judge," Sully reiterated as he took Michaela's hand in his own. Lightly he gave it a squeeze hoping to keep her from saying something foolish in front of Clara. He knew she was angry enough to let loose at any moment.

"That's impossible," she replied slowly descending a couple of steps. "He's in the bath right now."

"We'll wait," Michaela offered, unwilling to be moved from the house until she had spoken her piece.

Clara laughed and ran her hands down her stomach tracing the boning in her corset. "We're expecting guests for dinner. It wouldn't do for them to arrive and see the likes of you here."

Yet Michaela was no longer paying attention, her eyes looked past Clara to the judge who now stood at the top of the stairs.

"Light the lamps in my study, Silas."

"You aren't going to see them now?" Clara's eyes were livid but the judge ignored her completely.

"I don't have much time," he said still speaking to Sully and Michaela.

"What we have to say won't take long."

The judge nodded and pushed past Clara as he descended the stairs. Clara grabbed his arm as he moved past her. "Our guests will be here soon."

The look that the judge gave her was withering. She recoiled from him moving back up the stairs in a snit. Again the judge paid her no mind, descending and leading the way to his study. Once inside, he waited until Silas had left them alone before speaking again. He turned to face them, distress weighing heavily upon him. "Is she alright?"

Michaela in her anger hadn't expected his own sorrow and she was taken off guard for a moment, though not Sully. "No thanks to ya," he exclaimed, closing the distance between the two of them.

Yet before Sully could utter another word or move closer, the judge crumpled into his chair, his head falling into his hands to hide his emotion. Michaela approached quickly laying a hand on Sully's shoulder to let him know to back off for a moment. Silence settled in the room as Sully wrapped his arm around Michaela proud of the compassion she had even for someone who had hurt their friend. Some might view it as disloyalty but Sully knew that it part of what made Michaela who she was. The anger had not left her face but simply had been softened for the moment. When she spoke, her words hung in the air that was thick with unnecessary grief. "If you're so upset, why did you do this?"

The judge raised his head finally, his eyes wet with tears. "I don't want her to be upset but there is no other alternative. I'm sure she told you that Clara is pregnant." Michaela and Sully nodded. "I knew all along that when I finally told Clara, she would be upset. After all this was going to affect her life as well as mine. But I can't do this to my child. He doesn't deserve to have his life ruined because of his father's mistakes."

Sully felt Michaela tense beside him and knew instantly that the word mistake had reignited her anger. "You're a coward." Her words were full of venom and given the look on the judge's face, Sully knew they had found their mark. "Sarah is not a mistake – she is an incredible person who now you'll never know."

"Ya can't play with people like this," Sully added. "Why'd ya ever tell her about ya if ya were gonna do something like this?"

"Things were different then," the judge whispered. He turned and stared out the window into the darkening sky. "I am sorry."

"No you aren't," Michaela said. "If you were, you'd make this right."

"Right for whom?" he asked, his voice distant. "Right for Sarah, makes it hard on everyone else. I have to think of the higher good." He turned back to them now, his face more determined, the earlier emotion gone. "And it is she who is choosing to separate herself from me. I was content to continue on as we were."

"Sneaking around like that makes it seem as if you are ashamed of her."

"I am," he replied honestly, his voice catching in his throat as Sully closed in on him. In one quick movement, he had wrenched the older gentleman from his chair and was preparing to hit him.

"Don't Sully," Michaela pleaded stepping forward. "He isn't worth it," Sully still held onto the judge who frantically struggled to pull away. Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he finally let go moving backwards and reaching for Michaela again. She looked up at him and her eyes calmed him. She was right - he wasn't worth the possible consequences, though he still wanted the judge to pay for hurting Sarah.

"Let's just go," he whispered and Michaela nodded. Without so much as a glance at the judge, they crossed the room and opened the door. For all the splendor of the house and land that stretched out around it, Michaela could not stomach to look at it one moment longer. She turned her head into Sully's shoulder and he gathered her close pulling her out the front door that Silas had run to open for them. The first dinner guests were already arriving and they stared at the young couple who seemed to cling to one another. Sully and Michaela ignored them as they finally made it to the wagon and Sully helped Michaela up before climbing up behind her. Instantly she moved close to him again, neither speaking a word on their journey home.

* * *

Clara stood at the top of the stairs watching them leave, her anger rivaled only by her curiosity. Last week she had arrived at her husband's office in town only to see him leaving through the back door. For some time now she had suspected that he was secretly meeting someone but she didn't care. Sexual fidelity was something that did not concern her. If he was unfaithful then she could be too in her manner of thinking but still she was curious. Even as a child she had an insatiable curiosity about everything and had become quite good at sneaking about silently.

Deciding to follow her husband, she was surprised to find that he met the young girl who had been arrested last year for helping slaves escape. The young woman was beautiful and made Clara instantly jealous. She was expecting to witness a tryst between the two and was surprised when they spent the time simply talking. Their voices were low and she had only managed to catch snatches of their conversation but even that seemed rather harmless. They departed with a hug that was platonic at most which only served to confuse Clara more.

The fact that Michaela had visited the judge a few days later had made her think that the two incidents were related. When Michaela had showed up here tonight, she was enraged. When the judge had agreed to see her, her anger burned red hot, certain that there was some link. She moved from her place by the stairs back into her bedroom to watch them depart through her bedroom window. Pure hatred rose up inside of her as she watched the way Sully tenderly assisted her into the wagon. A delicious glint appeared in her eye as a thought came to mind. Did Michaela's parents know about her and Sully's relationship? They hadn't known but even if they did – they probably didn't know the two of them were here in Maryland unsupervised.

"They really should be told," she said to herself a smile spreading across her face. "It would be the decent thing to do." She sat down at her vanity to blot out the red patches that anger had wrought on her neck while plotting just how to word the telegram.

* * *

Sarah had to tell the whole tale again for Ida and John but this time she found that the words were more manageable and her tears less. In reality, she had been expecting something like this from the moment she had first met the judge and he had revealed the startling information that he was her father. In the back of her mind she kept telling herself not to trust him but little by little he had won her over. The stories of him and her mother captivated her and she had sensed that he was being real with her. That was what hurt so much – the fact that he could make her trust him, let her see the real him and then pull away so abruptly with an action like this.

John had left the two of them alone and Ida insisted on brushing out Sarah's hair. She said it always made Michaela feel better. Sarah was surprised at the comfort each rhythmic stroke of the brush offered even if her hair was growing impossibly larger all the time as the curls now turned into frizz. Ida was humming softly to herself and the tune was familiar to Sarah. "Michaela's music box plays that song."

"It used to be Anna's," Ida informed her stopping the song as her mind wandered to Michaela and Sully's rapid departure. "I sure wish the two of 'em hadn't gone over to the judge's."

"Don't worry – Sully won't let anything happen."

"Still in her state Michaela done need to be careful."

Sarah's brow wrinkled as Ida's eyes grew large at her slip of the tongue. "Her state?"

Ida sort of shrugged her shoulders and turned her head down uncertain of what to say. Rarely was she at a loss for words and though she kind of hoped that Sarah could confirm her suspicions, she was also afraid she had told Sully and Michaela's secret without their knowledge. "Ya know… with Clara and all."

Sarah cocked her head to one side. "Is something wrong with Michaela that she hasn't told me?" Sarah became worried now that there was some secret being kept from her.

Ida clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Now's I gone and done it."

"Done what?"

"I don't know anything for sure mind ya but I think…. well John and I both think that Michaela is pregnant."

Sarah lifted her head and turned to look directly at the older woman as a wide grin spread across her face. Her body convulsed involuntarily as the first laughter escaped her throat. "Pregnant?" she chocked out in between laughing fits. "Ya think Michaela's pregnant?"

"She done grown out of her clothes… getting' sick on the boat… not to mention stayin' out with Sully to all hours of the night."

Sarah was still laughing but she tried to control herself when she saw the look of frustration on Ida's face. "She ain't grown out of her clothes. That's Michaela's way of giving me dresses she knows I won't take. She lies and tells me they don't fit her anymore." The first evidence chinked away but Ida still clung to her previous conclusions. "And the getting' sick on the boat, I don't know what brought that on 'cept that the river was real choppy that day and we had been sitting still for a little bit." Ida still remained quite, her face pensive. "Plus Michaela and Sully always stay up all hours of the night when they're here – ya know that Ida."

"Ya I guess so," Ida conceded with her head bowed.

"She ain't pregnant – trust me." With that she began laughing again simply imagining the look on Elizabeth's face if such a thing was true.

Ida still looked doubtful though. Setting the brush down on the vanity, she crouched down next to Sarah. "They both always been private about things. She might not have told ya…."

Sarah quieted her laughter to hear Ida speak but the smile never left her face. "Ya right that she don't tell me the details 'bout her and Sully. But ya gotta know that Michaela ain't gonna let anythin' stand in her way of becoming a doctor- do ya think she'd let this happen?"

Ida stood now, her face pensive once again. Silently she chastised herself for drawing such a conclusion. Yet John had drawn the same conclusion and that now baffled her. "I done suppose you're right Miss Sarah. Sometimes our minds run away with us."

Sarah giggled again. "At least ya cheered me up." Ida shook her head and picked up the brush once again.

* * *

It was only as the neared the house that Michaela finally spoke, her voice dejected. "Why did we bother going over there?"

"I was thinking the same thing." Sully pulled the wagon to a halt and jumped down, reaching up to help her down. Once on the ground, his hands lingered about her waist. Michaela began to move away but he stilled her, catching her in his gaze. "I love ya," he whispered leaning down to lay his cheek next to hers. Michaela sighed against his ear as she slid her hands underneath his arms and around his back, taking comfort in his embrace. Turning her head to the side, she kissed his cheek. Sully shivered at the feel of her warm soft lips on his skin. The kiss was gentle but it sent tingles running down his back, his breath already coming in short gasps as his body craved hers.

"I love you too," she whispered against his ear letting her lips linger there as she placed feather light kisses to his lobe.

"I have to unhitch the horses," Sully told her, his mind already skipping to their night spent in the barn. That was certainly more appealing than thinking about how upset Sarah would be at their unsucessful visit to the judge.

"I'll help," she offered her thoughts not far from his own. She too was unsure how to tell Sarah the things that had transpired and the thought of escaping for a few moments with Sully was comforting.

The opening of the backdoor broke them apart. They looked up to see Sarah with her hands on her hips smiling at them. "What?" Michaela asked confused by the smile on her friend's face.

Sarah walked down the stairs towards them in the ever deepening twilight. "Ya two better stop that."

"Stop what?" Sully asked as Michaela turned in his arms. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back against him.

"Sparkin' like that gives people ideas."

Michaela looked up at Sully to see the same confused look on his face. "Sarah what are you talking about?"

"Ida and John think you're pregnant."

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading… more very soon!! _


	97. Chapter 97

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- seven**

**Cambridge, Maryland – October 17, 1855**

"Pregnant?" Michaela's voice was full of confusion and the word sounded as if it was foreign to her. "They think I'm pregnant?" Quickly her voice changed completely and Sarah who assumed that she would find the situation amusing grew alarmed. "Why in the world do they think that?"

Sully chuckled, obviously not bothered by the unfounded conclusion. Michaela wrenched away from him and turned her face up. Even in the waning light, Sully could read the upset written there. "Ain't no reason to get upset – just gonna set them straight." He reached for her arm as he spoke, letting his finger run down to her elbow.

Sarah now stood only a few feet away, wondering whether to explain or not – she hadn't expected such a reaction from Michaela. "It was all a misunderstanding," she said hesitantly continuing only when she saw Sully nod at her. "When you offered me your dresses that are too small for ya and gettin' sick on the boat… and well ya two are in Philadelphia alone together…"

"We don't live together – some days I barely see him. They are as bad as my mother," she exclaimed as a sense of betrayal settled inside of her.

Sully easily recognized that not only was she angry but also embarrassed that someone would think this about her. Quickly he tried to disarm the situation. "Don't get embarrassed – we haven't done anything wrong," he whispered close to her ear, not wanting to further embarrass her in front of Sarah.

"I've already set them straight," Sarah offered helplessly.

Michaela let out an angry breath and she stomped her feet impatiently on the ground as if she planned on charging head first into the house like an angry bull.

"Be reasonable Michaela," Sully warned removing his hand from her arm.

She turned quickly, throwing him slightly off balance so that he bumped into the wagon. "Be reasonable? Easy for you to say – they don't think you're pregnant, Byron Sully."

"But they think I'm the one who got ya that way!" he yelled back, letting her angry words get the better of him.

"Byron?" Sarah became distracted by the use of his first name. "Your first name is Byron?"

"You already knew that," Michaela responded to Sarah and then turned abruptly to face Sully ready to unleash on him as well but the look in his eyes made her suddenly stop. He wasn't angry with her though his words had sounded that way. She could still see the traces of amusement in the lines of his face but there was also such a deep abiding love that reminded her that he would never make her face things alone; that even if Ida and John's thoughts were true, it would not be her problem but their problem. Her face softened and she shook her head while looking down at the ground.

Sully reached out to raise her chin knowing that her cheeks were crimson even though the last rays of the sun had sunk deep below the horizon. He chuckled quietly as her eyes met his. Sarah came closer as well, laying her hand on Michaela's back. "I laughed when Ida told me what she thought," she volunteered.

Michaela's brow wrinkled. "It's hard to find it funny when someone thinks that you would…"

"They don't think that," Sarah assured her. "They think you're secretly married as well."

Now Michaela did let out a small laugh at what seemed to her a ridiculous idea. "How could we be secretly married?

"Your engagement is a secret," Sarah pointed out as she too began to laugh again. Michaela nodded and looked up at Sully, both now chuckling. The three stood together, the laughter building as each feed off the other. They quieted a little and Sarah looked up at Sully again. "Byron?"

"You already knew that," Michaela repeated, this time with less venom.

Sarah shook her head and snickered again. Her eyes grew wide as a thought suddenly occurred to her. "That's why your dog is named Byron because it's Sully's first name. She named her dog after you?"

"I gave her the dog," Sully replied amidst new peals of laughter.

It was then that Michaela happened to glance up at the back steps to see Ida and John standing together, the white of their eyes the only thing really visible in the deepening night. Michaela stepped from the group approaching the steps with her hands on her hips. "So you think we're secretly married and I'm pregnant?"

"Now don't go gettin' all in an uproar," Ida began but John quieted her.

"Foolish ramblins of the old. Can ya forgive us for jumpin' to conclusions?"

"Of course," Michaela said lightheartedly. "But did you really think that Sully and I would get married and not tell you two?"

A small smile played at John's lips. "No but I knew you wouldn't put the cart before the horse." Michaela smiled at his gentle use of words that he knew would not embarrass her but still perfectly relayed his meaning.

"You could have simply asked us, you know."

"I was gonna," Ida began, casting John a look.

"I told her to leave ya two alone," he admitted. "It really ain't our business after all." Sarah and Sully had moved up close as well now and John focused his eyes on Sully as he continued to speak. "Course it would help matters if people came to bed at a decent time."

Sully pressed his lips together tightly to avoid smiling. Obviously John knew they had spent the night together in the barn and Sully was grateful that he wasn't giving them up to Ida. "We'll remember that from now on."

"Get on in here and let's have dinner. If there's more talkin' to do, let's do it on a full stomach." Ida's voice was loud in the autumn night air and wonderfully comforting as well. Michaela linked her arm through Sarah's and started up the steps with Sully following behind. The kitchen was warm and welcoming full of delicious smells. Sitting around the table, Michaela looked around, drinking in the sight of the people who knew her best – the betrayal she had felt moments before melting. Her eyes met Sarah's across the table as she thought about relaying the things that had occurred at the judge's house. There was no questioning in her gaze only a profound admiration. Sarah hadn't expected them to change the judge's mind. She knew that wouldn't happen and the simple fact that she had people willing to speak on her behalf was enough – more than she had ever had in her life.

Ida passed the platter of roast venison to Michaela, their eyes meeting during the exchange. They both smiled and Michaela tried to memorize exactly the way Ida looked at this moment. To her this was the face of a mother, caring and concerned but full of love nonetheless. And now she turned to John, suddenly craving to remember how everyone looked on this night. This head once bowed low by a master was now held proud. The look was one of gentle strength that Michaela admired deeply. Yet even more than that she admired his heart that always sought to believe the best about people and this weekend that had included her. John lowered his head to ask the blessing but Michaela wasn't done with her surveying yet. Without closing an eye, she turned toward Sully and realized he was staring straight at her. He cocked his head to the side and held her enraptured in his gaze as thoughts of what a lifetime spent with him danced through her mind. It wasn't until the amen had been uttered that either stirred. Then Michaela hastily turned away as if ashamed to be caught looking especially during prayer time but when she raised her eyes again, she found Sully had never turned away. He is steadfast and true – she thought to herself. I couldn't ask for more.

* * *

**October 18, 1855**

Leaving Cambridge was hard for both Michaela and Sully on that following morning but knowing that they didn't have to part made it somewhat easier. The feel of Sully's arm linked through her own as they walked through the Baltimore train station made her smile when normally she would have felt down. As the train pulled out of the station, the customary sadness was small compared to how she usually felt. Grasping Sully's hand in her own, she gave it a gentle squeeze and smiled over at him, glad to have a compartment to their selves.

"I'm glad you're going back with me," she said, her voice happy and content.

"Me too," Sully replied settling back against the seat.

Michaela scooted closer to him so that their legs touched as she settled in for the ride as well. There were things she had been dying to ask him since the events of yesterday evening but they hadn't had a real moment alone since the ride back from the judge's house. As if Sully sensed her need to talk, he looked over at her invitingly.

"John knows we spent the night in the barn," she whispered as if her parents might be eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Yeah," Sully said holding in the chuckle that would have naturally accompanied it. "We didn't do anything wrong," he assured her stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I suppose I wonder… perhaps…" She grew flustered unable to find the right words to express her thoughts.

"Michaela," Sully whispered as he turned to face her. "Ya know you can tell me anything."

She nodded her head and dropped her chin to her chest. "It doesn't feel wrong to me but maybe it should."

"No Michaela. We love each other, we're engaged – how could it be wrong?"

"If anyone knew, my reputation would be ruined."

"No one knows except us and John," he assured her. "Ya ain't got to worry."

Michaela grew pensive and Sully knew she still wasn't settled about it. "What did we do in the barn that was wrong besides maybe tempt ourselves? We kissed – but we been doin' that for years." Michaela blushed but smiled as he said it and Sully felt a small bit of relief at her expression. "It wasn't the first time that we laid with one another like that. The only thing that was different is that we fell asleep – and we actually did that too when we were children."

"You don't think I'm improper," she asked quickly refusing to look at him as she spoke.

"Not at all." Gently setting her hand down on her leg, he brought his arm behind her, wrapping it around her waist and pulling her close. His mouth was close to her ear, stirring the fine hairs there as he spoke. "Why would ya think that?"

"I don't know," she whispered turning to look into his eyes. "Maybe because I have thoughts… feelings… I'm not sure what to make of them."

"I have them too," he replied, the blue of his eyes sparkling with desire. "Sometimes it's hard to think of anything else." Michaela felt the color rising on her cheeks but she didn't turn away from him at his admission. "It only means I love ya and want to be with ya."

Michaela laid her head against his chest, the reassuring sound of his heartbeat right beneath her ear. The cadence of the train moving along the track called them to give into their residual tiredness from staying up late into the night. Michaela was aware that Sully's breathing had become deep and regular and she assumed he was asleep. Gently she stroked his broad chest, letting her hand roam down his side and settle near his waist. "I want to be with you too," she whispered before she closed her own eyes.

Above her Sully smiled as he peeked out from beneath closed eyelids at his future bride. This was something he had always thought was true but to hear her confirm it- to know she desired him felt incredible. Tucking her words into the back of his mind for safe-keeping, he drifted off to sleep.

**

* * *

****Boston - November 4, 1855**

Josef sat in front of the fire, a medical journal open in his lap but his eyes focused on the flames. His wife sat across from him, her embroidery work on her lap as she fussed over each little stitch. Holding it up to the light, she gave a nod of her head which Josef knew was the sign that she was pleased with the night's work. He didn't move as she folded up the small piece of tapestry and relegated it to the redwood chest of sewing items that stayed nestled near her chair. Looking up at her husband expectantly, she cleared her throat. "It's getting late. Are you coming to bed?"

Josef stirred from his reverie and turned towards her slowly with a forced smile. "Not yet – I'd like to finish this article."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in disapproval for she knew he hadn't been reading in the first place. She started to rise but then changed her mind. Moving to the very edge of her chair, she turned her body towards her husband. "Josef is everything alright?"

"Of course – what could possibly be wrong?"

"You haven't been yourself these past few weeks – ever since Michaela went to Cambridge instead of Boston for her break."

"I do miss her," he replied unwilling to say more.

Elizabeth considered this for a moment but then continued. "There's nothing else bothering you?" Josef simply shook his head, making his face as neutral as possible. "If this is all about Michaela, I think it's a little much."

"Will you now regulate my emotions?" Josef asked, his ire beginning to rise.

"Josef, I'm simply concerned. I haven't seen you quite like this since Anna left Boston for Maryland after your father died."

"If you believe I am going through another bout of melancholia, I'm not I can assure you."

Elizabeth contemplated her next words carefully, knowing that they could easily send Josef's anger soaring. "I know what Michaela is for you." Josef turned to look at his wife, confusion wrinkling his brow. "I know you're concerned that like Anna, she'll choose Maryland over Boston."

"Could I blame her?" Josef asked. "My mother left it all to her – all that land…" His voice grew quiet as he continued to speak. "Sometimes I think she did it to spite Teddy and me. We never could see why she loved that place so much."

"But Michaela loves it just like Anna did." Josef nodded. "You have to let her go, Josef. You were the one who taught her to be independent and now you don't want her to be."

"That's not true," Josef protested weakly unable to give more of a response than that.

"It is true. To be a wife, there are things a woman has to learn, has to accept. You taught Michaela to disregard all of that."

"I never did such a thing!"

Elizabeth waited for a moment to give her husband a chance to calm down. She knew he would not like what she was about to say but he needed to hear it and Elizabeth seldom shied away from speaking her mind. Her voice was gentle and calm as she began. "To be a wife in Boston, you have to run the household perfectly but then give the credit to your husband. It is not enough to be the ornament on his arm, though that is certainly expected. There are duties, responsibilities that men do not understand. Dealing with servants, raising the children – these things don't happen by themselves. I was careful with each of our girls to teach them, to train them." Elizabeth inhaled sharply feeling her own anger get the better of her. When she spoke again the upset was obvious. "From the day she was born, I knew that you had plans for her. You've coddled her and spoiled her beyond measure. You made her believe the whole world was open to her."

"It is as long as she remains single."

"How can you make that decision for her?" Elizabeth asked, her voice remarkably calm once again.

Josef was surprised by Elizabeth's words and he turned quickly in protest. "I haven't made that decision for her. I gave her the freedom that every woman should have – that my mother never had."

"Freedom from what?" Elizabeth asked.

"Freedom from being tied down by children and household duties. But also freedom to be who she was meant to be – a physician. How can I allow her mind to be wasted on changing diapers and deciding on meals? How can I allow her hands to trifle with darning socks or embroidery when they are meant to be healing?"

"And if she still chooses marriage?" Elizabeth's voice sounded drained now though not defeated. Josef did not reply, his mind instantly turning to Sully as a new hatred began to bubble in his stomach. "You can't unmake what she was born."

"Should nature choose our path in life?"

"Maybe God is wiser than we."

Josef narrowed his eyes as he considered her. "I refuse to have a conversation with you about religion Elizabeth. You know we don't agree; it's simply pointless." He picked up his medical journal as if prepared to go back to reading though inside he was fuming more than ever.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I'm not trying to discuss religion, Josef. I am trying to remind you that Michaela is a woman and she may someday want to be a wife and a mother."

In a moment of fury, he responded, "I won't let that happen! I won't let her be taken in by some handsome face and charming personality. I won't let what happened to my mother, happen to her."

"You're obsessed – this isn't right Josef!" She stood now, towering above him as he chose to remain seated. "You need to let her go."

Josef took several deep breaths, trying hard to calm his emotions. The outburst had drained some of his anger but he knew if he wasn't careful he would let slip that he knew all about Sully and Michaela. Standing, he faced his wife head on. "I only want what's best for her."

"What you think is best for her," Elizabeth amended as she turned. With grace and ease, she crossed the room, gliding rather than walking. Even in an angry state, she always maintained her grace and Josef couldn't help but notice, hating her stalwart composure.

When he heard her feet upon the stairs, he swore under his breath and crumpled down into his chair. Inside, he knew his wife was right. Everything she said was logical and thought out – he had no argument against it. Yet his heart was unwilling to accept that his actions were wrong or malicious. He was simply a father protecting his daughter.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the letter that he had been carrying around for days. The handwriting was elegant; the writer only identified themselves as a family friend. She said she was concerned and wanted the Quinn's to know of their daughter's behavior in Maryland. The words were not surprising or shocking to Josef. There was no new information in the letter that he didn't already know. Rather is was frustrating, mocking him that he was still in the dark about the one person in the world he thought he had understood. Balling it up, he threw it into the fireplace and stood watching it burn, the flames licking at the edges as they curled in.

Returning to his chair, he couldn't help the images that played before his mind.

He was nine standing on the train station platform, his mother kissing his forehead while she held his face in her hands. She had promised to be back in time for his birthday but that came and went with only letters holding the faint scent of her perfume as a pitiful reminder of her. He still recalled the hushed conversations he had overheard from the servants about how his mother was mentally ill and would never return from Maryland. Later he had learned this was far from the truth but he almost wished their words had been true.

Anna had shown up again one day as he was leaving school. She held Teddy's hand in hers and smiled widely as Josef approached. Once in the carriage, she had told them that they were all going to live in Maryland. What she had neglected to tell them was that their father would not be accompanying them. Teddy had squealed with delight, holding fast to his mother's hand with his chubby little fingers. Josef was more uncertain but he was so glad to be in her comforting presence once again so he had smiled and hugged her about the waist. It wasn't until they were wrenched from her arms on the train station platform that he realized that his father hadn't even known she had returned to Boston.

Teddy was too young to understand all that had occurred but Josef understood. His mother was unhappy, desperately unhappy. The person he loved and admired most in the world couldn't' live as she chose to unless she was willing to give up her children.

"Never," he whispered to himself. "Michaela I will never let this happen to you. You are just like her so kind and trusting. It always starts out so well but someday you'll wake up and realize how miserable you are. I won't let that happen to you, I promise."

* * *

Sully tucked the letter into his coat pocket and started off down the street huddled deep within the folds of wool hoping to keep out the icy air that stung at his face. Winter had come to Philadelphia early that year, bringing frigid temperatures long before the calendar said it was time. The warm October weekend spent in Maryland was only a memory now. Sully's lips were drawn, his face etched with something akin to worry. It wasn't the weather that affected him but rather the letter in this coat pocket.

Rushing across the cobblestones, he looked up just in time to see Michaela emerge from the library bundled against the cold. He caught her eye and she smiled albeit weakly. Sully cursed under his breath – if she was already in a mood it would not be a good time to tell her about Daniel's letter. "Hey," he greeted her, taking the heavy bundle of books from her arms.

"Thanks," she offered turning to begin the walk back to the boarding house. Her footsteps were fast and her head turned down worrying Sully all the more.

"Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly…I'll tell you after I've dropped these things off."

Sully nodded and they both picked up the pace a deep silence settling between them as each became lost in their own worries. Michaela took the books from him when they stopped in front of the boarding house. "I'll be right back," she promised turning to hurry inside.

Sully moved away a little, sticking his hands into the pocket of his coat. Letting his fingers run over the letter, he wondered what had Michaela in such a state. Thanksgiving break was coming up soon and he knew Michaela was looking forward to going home for a visit. Her small arm slipping through his caught him off guard. "Seems I'm not the only one with a secret," she remarked tugging him gently in the other direction. "Let's get some coffee and maybe some pie."

Sully smiled and nodded, falling into step with her as they set off for the small café just around the corner. They moved inside, grateful for the warmth in the air along with the pleasant smells that tantalized their noses. Choosing a small table in the corner for privacy reasons, they moved their chairs close together. Michaela laid her hand on his leg and he readily grasped it in his own. "I missed you today," she whispered, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Why?" he asked, using his thumb to gently stroke her hand.

Before she had a chance to answer, a young girl came to take their order. Yet even after she left, Michaela hesitated her eyes looking everywhere but at him. "What's wrong?" he whispered giving her hand a hard squeeze.

"I had a dream last night," she began. "Daniel wanted you to come back to Colorado Springs." Sully froze, unable to make his tongue move to answer her. It was impossible that she had known. It was only when he had left her yesterday and returned to his boarding house, that he had found a letter waiting him; Daniel's childlike letters scrawled across the front of it. Michaela turned towards him finally meeting his eyes, her senses heightened as she read his expression. "It's true, isn't it?"

Sully swallowed hard as he nodded, feeling her fingers tense under his own. "I ain't decided," he said to answer the question she had yet to ask.

"But someday you'll go back – our land is there."

Though her voice was melancholy, it was also full of hope and Sully was willing to take one with the other. "Yeah, our land is there. And I'm gonna build ya a house that the likes of Colorado territory has never seen."

That made Michaela smile as the girl returned with two cups of coffee and two pieces of pie. Reluctantly they each let go of the other's hand. "What did Daniel say?" Michaela asked plunging her fork into the pecan topping.

Sully took a swig of coffee and quickly swallowed in order to answer. "Just that he could really use me if I was looking for work. Same thing as usual – it's hard to find steady workers. Some men can't take bein' underground and there's been some cave-ins at other mines recently got them worried as well."

"Are cave-ins common?" Michaela asked her forehead wrinkling with her own worry.

"Not common. They do happen but usually in places where they try to hurry the job. Daniel's always very careful though – ya ain't got nothin' to worry about."

Michaela nodded, her lips closing around a bite of pie. She chewed thoughtfully, her eyes studying Sully's face. "I suppose we don't have much time together anyway," she said trying to ease the pain of knowing he would leave probably sooner than she was ready for.

Sully moved in closer, his lips near her ear. "I ain't lookin' forward to goin' necessarily. Don't think that. Even seein' ya for five minutes each day is better than not seen' ya at all. It's only your letters that keep me goin'. I got some stashed away that I reread when I'm missin' ya."

"You keep my letters?" she asked smiling widely at his admission.

"Some. Have to have a whole suitcase if I kept everyone," he laughed.

"I've kept everyone," Michaela admitted shyly, hanging her head as she spoke as if slightly embarrassed.

"Girls are supposed to do stuff like that." Michaela looked up to see if he was joking and was relieved to see he was completely serious. "Where do ya keep 'em all?"

"I used to keep them in an old wooden crate in your closet."

"My closet? In Boston?"

"Yes but when I came to school, I decided mother might decide to clean out your room. So I brought them to Maryland when I came at the end of the summer before school. There in the closet of Anna's room now – though I keep some special ones with me." She blushed deeply and Sully grinned. "You won't leave before Christmas?" she asked biting her bottom lip.

"Of course not," he assured her. "I ain't certain yet when I'll go."

"Will you stay for my birthday?" she added hastily, knowing she was pressing her luck.

"I'll stay for your birthday too," he agreed knowing that if she went on, he would never return to Colorado. It was too hard to tell her no at this moment.

"And you'll write when you go back?"

"Of course I will."

"Good," she said tucking into her pie eagerly deciding to concentrate on the here and now, instead of what might happen in the coming months.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland 1922**

"What are these?" Maeve asked, her eyes wide at the number of bundled piles before her grandmother.

"These are my mother's and father's letters, my darling." She reached over and stroked the hair of her young granddaughter. "Years and years of letters."

Maeve's eyes grew large as she continued to take in the pile before her. "How do you have them all?"

"My mother kept every letter my father ever sent her – they grew up together, remember. And there are some letters my father kept as well." A secret smile came over her lips. "When I was your age, I matched up the letters by dates."

"They let you read their letters?"

"I didn't exactly ask."

Maeve laughed, imagining her grandmother as a spry girl of twelve sneaking into her parent's private things. "Did they every find out?"

"I'm sure they did. My mother still liked to read the letters sometimes."

Maeve leaned back in her chair, her eyes fixed on the piles before her. "Why are you showing these to me?"

"To read of course. You want to know about love - these letters are going to tell you about love."

"I don't know; it feels like an invasion of privacy. I would hate to think someone was reading my private letters after my death."

"It's the story, Maeve – I want you to know the story and to never forget how love – real love, not the kind you see in plays or in the talking pictures or even read about in dime novels - But the kind of love that sacrifices all, the kind of love that endures – I want you to know what that looks like."

The calm blue of her grandmother's eyes met the mismatched green of her own and she couldn't help but to smile. "Will you read them with me?"

"Of course I will."

* * *

_Don't get worried, I don't plan on writing until the year 1920- but the story has a different sort of ending and you are seeing one of the final scenes here. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading._


	98. Chapter 98

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety- eight**

**Somewhere outside of Boston – December 22, 1855**

Michaela looked over at Sully and sighed loudly in an attempt to stir him. His head was resting against the side of the compartment near the window, his eyes shut and his mouth slightly open. Michaela knew that he had been asleep since New York and given how hard he worked each day, he needed the rest. They were approaching the final leg of their journey to Boston and with each mile traveled their time alone dwindled. Being in Boston for two weeks under the ever watchful gaze of her mother would be a serious adjustment that Michaela wasn't sure she was ready for.

Tapping her foot nervously against the floor, she tried to think of some subtle way to wake him but nothing came to mind. It felt improper to wake him and say that she wanted to spend these last few moments in his arms. In truth, she wasn't even sure she could admit that out loud. Rising from her seat, she moved purposefully over beside him, scooting in until her knee touched the side of his leg. Lifting one hand, she stroked the side of his cheek. Sully swatted at her fingertips but never opened his eyes, returning his hand to its former position. Michaela giggled lightly and began again, this time her movements lighter than before.

Sully mumbled incoherently in his sleep but smiled broadly. Michaela continued for another minute or so but he never awoke. Slowly she ran her hand down the side of his face, following the contour of his neck out to his shoulder. Pushing herself up in the seat, she leaned in blowing softly against his ear. His nose twitched slightly but his eyes remained shut. She exhaled loudly, rocking back in the seat. With one final glance at his peaceful face, she rose planning to return to the other side of the compartment, frustrated by her failed attempts.

A loud squeal pierced the air as Sully grabbed her about the waist pulling her down into his lap. "Where are ya goin'?" he asked as she turned sideways to see him better.

"I thought you were asleep."

"How am I supposed to sleep when you're touchin' me like that?" They both laughed, though Michaela's was rather nervous.

"We're getting close to Boston," she said turning her head slightly to look out the window trying to conceal her anxiousness.

"Hmm.. I guess we are." A light blush crept over Michaela's features as he watched her. "Was that all ya wanted to tell me?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders, her lips opening and closing as she grew more and more flustered. "I…I was just thinking… I mean well kind of hoping…"

Sully pulled her close and ended her rambling by placing a hard kiss to her lips. "Gonna take all day to get that out," he laughed as he pulled back a little. Her eyes were sparkling as she watched him and Sully shook his head feeling the desire for her already building within his body. Shifting from underneath her, he reached up for the shade to the window. With one swift movement, he pulled it down leaving them in semi-darkness. Michaela smiled shyly as he stood and moved to pull the shade at the other end of the compartment as well.

"Scoot down," he said as he stood in front of her. Michaela wrinkled her nose up but obeyed his words. Sully sat down sideways with his back against the compartment, one leg on the seat, the other on the floor. Reaching out for her, Michaela moved up so that she sat in the narrow space, leaning back against the seat, before she laid her head on Sully's chest. His hands immediately went to her hair to begin unpinning it but then he stopped abruptly. "Do ya mind?"

"Let's give mother something to fuss about," she said with amusement moving so that her head was more accessible to him. Michaela relaxed more and more as each pin was removed. Soon Sully's fingers massaged her scalp with light sensual movements that made her feel tremendously sleepy.

"Don't go to sleep on me," he whispered sensing her relaxed state.

She laughed, her eyes still closed and sighed happily. "You're the one putting me to sleep."

"Well, let's see if I can't do something about that." The tone of his voice enticed Michaela to look up. The dim light threatened to hide his features but she could still see the naughty expression with which he regarded her. Bringing his hand down the back of her scalp, he moved it around her neck, sending delicious shivers down Michaela's spine. Cupping her cheek in his hand, he brought his lips to hers enjoying a long fulfilling kiss before moving slightly away. His fingers replaced his lips, moving along the warm sensitive skin as she fought down the desire that was rising inside of her.

Michaela's eyes were locked with his as her lips parted slightly. His fingers toyed with her bottom lip as her hand ran back and forth over his chest. "Tell me what you think about when we're like this," she whispered, curiosity obvious in her eyes.

Sully shook his head, swallowing hard. "No," he whispered a smile spreading across his lips. "Ya don't wanna know."

"I do," she assured him. Sully shook his head again and Michaela moved his hand to the side, leaning up to kiss him fully on the lips. "Tell me."

"Why?" he asked letting his hands wander down her sides. Michaela felt each hand caress the side of her breasts and she pressed herself against him in response.

"I want to know if what I am thinking about is normal." Her voice was shy and uncertain, the expression on her face innocent.

"But what if I'm thinkin' about different things than ya are. Men and women see things differently." He kissed Michaela again, letting his tongue linger against her lips until she began to speak again.

"What do you think I'm thinking about?"

"Probably about your weddin' dress or your flowers... maybe the church we would get married in – somethin' like that."

Michaela laughed at his response and leaned in close to his ear. "You're wrong, you know." Pulling back, her lips met his neither pulling away this time. Again and again their lips met, teeth nipping and tongues dancing together as they tried hard to control a passion that threatened to rage out of control. Michaela loved to feel his heart beating underneath her fingers, his breath coming in gasps. Knowing that she did this to him only heightened her own physical responses. They both knew things could not go further but neither cared. It was exhilarating simply to be close, to touch and kiss with such feeling that they felt lost in the other. They each felt the train slow in its approach to Boston and reluctantly they pulled apart, their breath coming in hard pants. Michaela laid her head on his chest waiting for her pulse to calm. Sully dropped his hands unwillingly to the side and sighed loudly. Looking down at her, he smiled softly stroking her hair. The thought of leaving her to go back west was always hard but particularly at moments like this when she looked so vulnerable and dependent on him. A surge of emotion welled up in his chest as he considered the feelings of love she evoked within him. He was willing his body to calm down but given the emotion in his heart and her physical proximity, he found it nearly impossible.

"Michaela I gotta get up," he whispered gently.

Michaela moved and Sully pulled his leg out from behind her as he stood. Walking to the window he opened the shade, keeping his back to her on purpose. Michaela tilted her head backwards as the light poured in, a secret smile on her lips knowing how she affected Sully. The train slowed more, the train passing buildings now instead of trees. Michaela smoothed her hair and pulled it back behind her head, dividing it into three sections to braid. Making short work of her hair, she tied it off with a discarded hair ribbon as the train pulled into the station. Sully turned to face her again a silly grin upon his face. "What?" she asked playfully.

"Ya never told me what you were thinkin' about."

Michaela looked at him playing as if she was confused. "Oh… you mean while we were… right…" She reached for her travel bag and placed it on her arm while Sully gathered the others. Michaela moved towards the door of the compartment raising the shade before looking back at him alluringly. "I was thinking about our honeymoon," she said with a giggle, her cheeks a brilliant pink but her face perfectly relaxed. With that she left the compartment taking a left towards the exit. Sully who had finally managed to calm himself was hit anew with her confession. The silly grin became even wider as he stumbled out the door of their compartment trying hard to get certain thoughts out of his mind.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Michaela stood near the examining table, her medical instruments laid out before her as she began the methodic process of sterilizing each one. Her eyes and hands were committed to the procedure but her mind was not. Outside a wagon rode by and her mind couldn't help but wonder if it was Sully. Images of the night before kept dancing before her eyes and though part of her felt terribly wicked, the other part was plotting how to get him alone after their planned lunch at Grace's. She could already feel her pulse racing as her breathing quickened. His hands were touching her most private places, his lips following soon behind. An involuntary shiver of delight ran down her back and she closed her eyes trying to remember the way he had looked in the firelight.

The door of the clinic opened and she jumped, startled by the noise. "Michaela?" he asked, his voice deep and warm. "Did I scare ya?"

She turned, a light blush suffusing her cheeks. "No, I was simply lost in thought."

"Oh?" Sully smiled at her broadly noticing the blush on her cheeks and the desire in her eyes. "What were you thinking about?"

She shrugged her shoulders and gave a shake of her head. "About what I might eat for lunch," she said nonchalantly returning to her instruments before her.

"Liar," he teased stepping up behind her so that his breath tickled her ear. Placing one hand on her hip, he drew her back against him so that she would know what was on his mind as well. "What were you really thinking about?"

Closing her eyes, she breathed in, the rich scent of the outdoors filling her head so that she felt giddy. "What are you thinking about?" she managed to mutter as his lips kissed the side of her neck.

Sully chuckled, wondering if he should tell her. She had become so relaxed during their honeymoon enough to make love to him in the middle of the day with the bright autumn sun as their only witness. Yet they're time together had been limited since she had returned to work and Sully often found himself unable to concentrate on simple tasks, thoughts of her filling his mind. "I'm thinkin' that I don't get enough time with you. So what are you really thinking about?"

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she turned in his arms. "Our honeymoon," she whispered, her head bent low so that he couldn't see her eyes. "I know it's only been a few hours but … I… I miss you."

"Glad I'm here," he replied placing a finger under her chin to raise her face. The look in his eyes soothed away any lingereing worries. "Can ya sneak away for a little while?"

"I have a few appointments after lunch but if you're not too hungry...we could stay here." She looked up at the ceiling, her mind going to the beds in the recovery rooms.

A silly grin spread across Sully's face as he felt his body reacting from her words alone. "I'm pretty hungry," he said watching as a look of disappointment flashed across her face. "For you," he added leaning in to kiss her deeply.

* * *

**Boston – December 22, 1855**

Sitting around the dinner table that night, the mood was somber though no one really knew why. Josef was having a hard time controlling his feelings about Sully and Michaela's relationship. His head ached and the muscles in his neck and back were stiff from clenching and unclenching them so many times throughout the day. Looking towards his wife seated at the other end of the table, he forced a smile. Michaela took a bite of her potato and looked up at Sully who raised his eyebrow at the silence that settled over the four of them.

Elizabeth took it upon herself to try and stir up the conversation, wondering why her husband who had supposedly missed his daughter so severely seemed preoccupied. "Michaela you told us about your classes this afternoon but you never said anything about where you are living."

Sitting up a little straighter in her chair, Michaela began to tell them about the boarding house. "I have a roommate, Laura but she is leaving in a month as she is to be married. When she leaves, I'm going to room with another first year student named Miriam. We have classes together – that's how we met. She is there on a scholarship."

"That sounds nice – doesn't it Josef?"

Josef looked up as if startled by his wife's voice. Elizabeth nodded her head to indicate that he should say something. "Yes… yes – that sounds very nice. Your current roommate is getting married?"

"Yes in January." She had an urge to look up at Sully but instead she just smiled to herself keeping her head bowed slightly over her plate.

"Was she at medical school with you?" Josef asked curiously, ready to point out how marriage and a physician's career were incompatible.

"No, she was at a Quaker teacher's college. She graduated in the spring and was only waiting for her fiancé to finish his studies as well. They plan to go as missionaries to the Indians."

"What kind of husband would subject his wife to that kind of danger?" Elizabeth asked, her face clearly lined with disapproval.

Michaela smiled. "She was going to go by herself. After applying to the mission board her husband began courting her. She says it often happens that way when a single woman applies – they match her up with a male and encourage him in the relationship."

"That's appalling."

"It certainly is," agreed Josef. "To think that they wouldn't allow a single female to go by herself rather insist she marry."

Elizabeth cleared her throat in a disapproving way. "That wasn't what I was referring to."

Sully who had sat silently watching the conversation finally spoke up. "I don't know what the missions board is thinkin' but I do know how hard life is on the frontier. A single person would waste all their time on simply survivin' - it's smarter to send more than one person. And ya couldn't send an unaccompanied female with a bunch of men so it makes sense that it would be easier if she was married."

"Still," Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes in disgust.

"No offense meant but why do ya think it's so bad?" Sully asked innocently. "Girls in Boston are expected to make the right match when they marry – mission board just actin' like the parents."

Elizabeth could not think of an argument so she rapidly took a bite of her food, buying some time before she would have to answer. Michaela was smiling and turned to her father expecting to see a similar look of amusement on his face, yet what she saw confused her. Josef was watching Sully intensely, his mouth fixed in a frown as if what he saw displeased him.

"I simply think it's appalling that they would even send a woman." Michaela turned back, her eyes meeting Sully's as they both chuckled. Elizabeth shook her head but smiled. "Oh – I meant to tell you that I ran into David Lewis the other day. He's home on break from Yale and was asking after you."

Michaela diverted her eyes making a face at the mention of his name. "Hope you didn't tell him I would be home."

"Of course I did."

"Mother," she rolled her eyes dramatically and Sully tried hard to hide his snickering. Michaela looked at him accusingly before turning her attention back to Elizabeth. "Please don't encourage him."

"I'm not encouraging him – I simply said that you would enjoy seeing him."

"That's practically lying," Michaela replied.

"You'll see him anyway – the Lewis' are hosting a New Year's Eve party that we will be attending."

"We?" Michaela looked down at her mother. "I will need to study. Exams are two weeks after I return."

"You can't give up one night?" Elizabeth asked, her eyes narrowing as she considered her daughter.

Michaela turned her attention to her father, hoping he would take her side against her mother as he usually did. When he didn't speak up right away, she prompted him. "Father, please explain to mother how important it is for me to do well on these exams."

Normally Josef would have defended her excuse, warning Elizabeth to leave Michaela alone but not tonight. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, the image of Sully and Michaela alone in the house on New Year's Eve kept resurfacing. He tried to smile sincerely as he turned his attention to his daughter. "It would be nice if you would join us. I am sure you will have plenty of time this week to study. Besides even the most serious of students need to have fun sometimes."

Michaela gave Josef an odd look but straightened in her chair. "Fine, I'll go but I don't plan on spending the evening with David Lewis."

"Why do you insist on shunning any male who shows an interest in you?" As Elizabeth asked, her eyes roamed over the table looking first to Josef and then to Sully.

"Leave her alone," Josef spoke, his voice deep resonating throughout the room.  
"It's enough that she will accompany us."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows but paid him no mind as she continued. "I wouldn't worry too much anyway Michaela – after the way you embarrassed him last time he was here, I would be surprised if he wanted much to do with you."

"I have nobody to blame but myself," she replied her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Sully laughed out loud this time, unable to hold it in any longer. It made Michaela smile as he wiped his mouth and hastily apologized. "Sorry."

"And Sully – how are things in Maryland?" Elizabeth asked ignoring both of the young people's reactions.

"Fine," he replied. "Ida and John are both well, Sarah too."

"Thought you would head back to Colorado by now," Josef commented his eyes once more fixed on Sully. Michaela took notice again, her brow furrowing in concern.

"I'll be heading back soon. Daniel wrote and said he could use my help."

Josef smiled at this statement. "How long will you stay?"

Michaela perked up waiting to hear the answer. This was the one aspect of his leaving they had yet to discuss.

"I don't know – probably 'til next Christmas."

Feeling as if she had just been punched in the stomach, Michaela took a deep breath as her face grew pale. Though she had known this was a possibility, the prospect of close to a year without him, hit her hard. Josef continued to ask questions but Michaela heard none of the conversation. In her mind visions of a summer spent in Maryland with Sully and Sarah were fleeting. Letting out a deep breath slowly, she placed her fork down on her plate and looked towards her mother. "I'm rather tired from traveling today. If it's alright I'd like to be excused."

"Certainly," Elizabeth granted as she noticed Michaela's pale cheeks. "Are you sure you feel alright?"

"I'm fine," she muttered rising to her feet. "Just tired. I am sure a good night's rest is all I need."

Sully tried to meet her eyes but she refused to look at him as she rose. He knew they hadn't talked about when he would return but he hadn't expected this to upset her. The trip was expensive and he had barely been able to save enough money from his work in Philadelphia. It wasn't that he wanted to stay away for so long but it was pointless to run back and forth every few months. The urge to follow her was strong but he knew that was going to be impossible without attracting unnecessary attention. So he stayed put, tolerating more questions as his mind continually drifted upstairs to her.

* * *

**Boston – December 23, 1855**

The morning sun woke him, shining bright in his eyes as he lay in the bed of his old room in the Quinn house. The knot in the pit of his stomach had yet to go away and he knew it wouldn't until he had spoken with Michaela. Before Josef and Elizabeth retired for the evening, he couldn't go to her and afterwards he had found her door locked with no response when he knocked. Sully had told himself she was simply asleep but he couldn't help wonder if she was purposefully shutting him out. Rising from the bed to wash and get dressed, he contemplated his decision.

He knew it was a long time for them to be apart but he couldn't see a better solution. Sully had planned to spend the year working and saving so that possibly next year he could begin to afford the materials to build their house. The desire to have Michaela live in the finery she was used to was always present in his mind but Sully had no doubts that he could earn enough to furnish the house with the best. It would take time to earn that sort of money though – certainly Michaela could understand that.

Once dressed, he left his room and moved down the hall looking over the railing to see if anyone was about below. With the downstairs deserted as well as the upstairs hallway, he stopped at Michaela's door and knocked lightly.

"Come in."

Sully felt a pang of doubt rise up inside of him. He didn't want to argue with her but wasn't sure how to avoid it. Slowly he opened the door and stepped over the threshold to find Michaela staring out her window. She turned as he entered and smiled widely, immediately putting him at ease. "Mornin'."

"Good morning," she replied with a quizzical look.

"I tried to see you last night," he whispered moving closer but leaving the door open so as not to look suspicious.

Michaela blushed knowing full well that he had come to her room. She had been unwilling to talk about it with him, needing to be alone and come to terms with another year away from him. "I needed some time," she replied

The hesitancy in her voice worried him. He had hoped she would say she had been sleeping. "You alright?" he asked, turning to look over at the door as he took another step closer.

"Fine," she lied. "I was just coming to wake you and ask if you wanted to go to Marjorie's with me. Mother informed me that Rebecca is there as well today and I would love to see my nephews and nieces." With a coy smiled, she added, "I'm sure Anne would love to see you."

Sully rolled his eyes and groaned. "Despite that fact, I'll go with ya."

Michaela had already rung for the carriage and it stood in readiness just outside the front door as they alighted from the house. Sully wasn't sure what to make of her calm demeanor but he tried not to worry as they took their places. Michaela sat close to him and even moved closer once they were underway. "That's better," she said smiling widely.

"Do ya want to talk about.."

Michaela interrupted him. "I don't want to think about anything but the present and how good it is to be with you."

"Are ya sure?" Michaela nodded and reached for Sully's hand. They rode the rest of the way in silence, Michaela's fingers interlaced through his as they moved over the cobblestone streets towards Back Bay. Marjorie's house rose up tall and imposing as ever as they carriage drew to a halt in the drive. Sully descended first and then turned to help Michaela down. The front door flew open before they even approached the steps; Emily tumbling out, followed by a very sedate Anne.

"Sully," the younger girl exclaimed wrapping her arms around his waist in a hug.

Sully bent down and scooped her up. "And who is this big girl?" he teased.

Even held in the air, Emily managed to put her hands on her hips in a commanding pose. "Emily," she said, rolling her eyes.

Sully laughed and hoisted her up to his shoulder. "I was just teasin' ya."

But Emily had already forgiven him. "Look Anne, look at me. I'm taller than everybody."

Rebecca appeared at the door, shaking her head and laughing. "Michaela and Sully, it is so good to see you." She crossed immediately to her sister and gave her a welcoming hug. As she gathered Michaela close, she whispered in her ear. "I must warn you, Marjorie seems to be in a mood."

"Great," Michaela replied sarcastically with a little laugh. Rebecca moved just in time for Michaela to witness Anne's greeting of Sully. The last time that Michaela saw Anne was before she left for school and even in a few months she couldn't believe the physical changes that had occurred. The hair that usually hung in braids or tied back into a low ponytail was curled and pinned into place on her head. The slim waist and appearance of breasts caught Michaela's eye next, the green dress perfectly accentuating her blossoming figure. Anne walked sedately over to Sully, her cheeks reddening.

"Good morning, Sully," she said demurely offering him her hand.

"Good morning, Anne," Sully returned properly. He set Emily down and took Anne's hand bowing over it. "You sure have grown up since last time I saw you." This made Anne smile as she gave Sully a deep curtsey.

Michaela pressed her lips together to keep from laughing while Rebecca squeezed her hand. "I see some things haven't changed," Michaela whispered.

"Oh I think it's worse now. She required two hours to get ready this morning on just the chance that Sully might come over." Rebecca giggled as she spoke.

Just then a short scream was heard from the house followed by an admonishment from Marjorie. Rebecca moved quickly to the door, the others following in her wake. Sully and Michaela took off their coats once they entered handing them to Lucille and then joined the others at the sitting room door. Marjorie was on the floor with Elise and Jacob before her, lecturing them about giving her such a fright.

"What did they do?" Rebecca asked with amusement in her voice.

Marjorie looked up exasperated. "They were hiding behind the couch and when I came in with Adam they both screamed. It startled me so, I almost dropped the baby."

"Jacob," Rebecca spoke sternly. "You know better than to do things like that."

With one finger in his mouth, he considered his mother. "I good," he squealed clapping his hands.

"These two are trouble," Rebecca sighed turning to look back at Michaela and Sully. "If they are only two and ganging up on people, I can't imagine what Marjorie and I will do when their older."

"Probably pull all our hair out." Marjorie laughed as she said it but all could tell it was a forced attempt at levity. Her face was drawn and Michaela thought she looked as if she was ill.

"Where is the baby?" Michaela asked instantly, her eyes combing over the room. As if answering her question, Adam crawled out from behind his mother, his eyes wide at all the visitors.

Marjorie rose and walked to her sister. "It's nice to see you Michaela," she said formally before turning to Sully and offering the same greeting. She invited them in, the children spilling onto the floor while the adults seated themselves around the room. Michaela sat on one end of a couch with Sully beside her and Anne on the other side of him. Emily perched herself momentarily on Sully's knee much to Anne's displeasure.

"I know I've only been gone a few months but the children seem to have changed so much," Michaela commented as Elise made her way over to her and climbed up in her lap. "And you young lady," she said helping Elise up. "You are going to be a fireball just like your mama."

Marjorie swallowed hard at Michaela's words – she certainly didn't feel like that anymore. Focusing her attention on Adam, she pushed down the emotions that threatened to choke her.

"So which one of the Quinn sisters is expectin'?" Sully asked good naturedly.

"Would you believe it if I said none?" Rebecca laughed as she spoke, her eyes merry as always. "I believe four is enough for both Robert and me."

"Do you think you'll have more Marjorie?" Michaela asked innocently as Elise played with the locket she was wearing.

"Everett and I haven't decided on a number. If he would like more than I suppose we will have other children." Michaela's brow wrinkled but she held her tongue. Yet Marjorie had seen the face she made and immediately replied, "Why's it your concern anyway?"

"It's not. I was only asking."

"Always did have your nose in other people's business, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

Michaela looked over at Rebecca who gave a slight nod as her remark from earlier now began to make sense to Michaela.

An icy silence settled between the adults in the room yet the children seemed unaffected. Emily jumped down from Sully's lap and moved over towards Adam trying to pull him into her lap pretending he was her baby. The adults watched the children's movements each trying to think of some way to break the tension yet it was Anne who spoke up. Her voice was quiet though meant only for Sully's ears. "I started a new school this year."

"Ya did?"

"Yes," she said looking very pleased with herself. "And mother says I can stay up for the New Year's Party this year, though I wasn't allowed to go to the Christmas ball."

Rebecca looked over at her daughter with a mild warning in her eyes. "Anne, you are only twelve. I told you that when you're fourteen you may attend balls. The New Year's party is an exception." Rebecca shook her head and looked at Michaela and Sully. "I swear girls want to grow up faster and faster these days."

Anne turned a deep shade of red, feeling the embarrassment of her mother's words. She didn't want to be treated like a little girl especially in front of Sully. "I'm not a little girl," she protested. "I read that girls as young as twelve get married all the time out west." She looked at Sully for confirmation and he now felt stuck in a hard place.

"I wouldn't say all the time," he began. "It happens but it ain't necessarily a good thing."

"It's not a good thing at all," Marjorie spoke up from the other side of the room. "What does a girl of twelve know about being a wife?"

This only made Anne blush more as she clamped her mouth shut tight, wishing she could crawl under the nearest couch cushion.

"Why don't I get everyone something to drink?" Rebecca offered trying to diffuse the situation when she realized that Anne was uncomfortable.

"I'll help." Michaela rose from the couch and followed Rebecca out. Lucille was in the kitchen when they entered and Rebecca asked her to prepare a mid morning tea before turning to her sister. "What's wrong with Marjorie?"

"I don't exactly know. She's been getting worse and worse lately – always coming across as bitter." Rebecca bowed her head, hesitant to gossip about her sister especially when she had no confirmation of what she was about to say.

"What is it?" Michaela could see her sister was troubled and she placed her hand on Rebecca's arm encouraging her to continue.

Dropping her voice, she began to speak. "I don't know anything for sure but there are things… incidents that have made me believe or at least consider that possibly…." Rebecca hesitated again knowing once she said these words it would be impossible to take them back. "I think Everett may hit Marjorie."

Michaela let the words sink in as it took her a moment to comprehend what Rebecca was saying. Her eyes grew wide as she considered her own past experience with Marjorie and Everett. "Do you really think it could be true?" she asked.

"I don't know and I tried to talk to her but she wouldn't tell me anything. The other day I walked in on her when she was dressing. There were bruises on her abdomen…. She claims she fell down the stairs but Michaela there is no way…."

Michaela nodded. "What can we do? If it's true, we have to do something."

"That's the problem – I don't know that it is true. Without more evidence I suppose there really isn't much we can do but I'm going to keep my eyes open that is for certain."

"I will as well," Michaela added as Lucille finished adding the items to the tea tray, ready to follow them back to the sitting room.

* * *

**Boston – December 24, 1855**

_To: Bryon Sully, Beacon Hill Boston_

_Sully,_

_Had four more men quit on me two days ago. Need your help as soon as possible. Please send telegram if you can come sooner._

_Daniel_

Sully read the telegram once again, feeling the same tension settle in his neck and back. He looked across the room at where Michaela sat studying knowing she wouldn't like this new development. Still if Daniel was that desperate, Michaela would understand or so he hoped. They would have to talk about it he knew but not today – not on Christmas Eve.

Michaela felt his eyes upon her and looked up smiling. Sully hastily folded up the telegram and slipped it into his pocket. "Ya done?"

"No but I think it's time for a break." She rose and walked across to where Sully sat on the window seat. "Besides we don't get much time alone. We should take advantage of these few moments since Father was called to the hospital." She placed her hands on his shoulders and gave them a squeeze. Sully winced at her movements. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not really – I'm just kind of tense."

Michaela kneeled on the bench beside him. "Turn a little." Sully obeyed and Michaela began to knead his shoulders moving down to his back. "You are really tense. Is something bothering you?" Sully hesitated not wanting to lie but not wanting to reveal the telegram yet either. "I think it's this house," Michaela said before he had a chance to speak. "Father's been acting weird and mother is … well mother."

Sully laughed and took a deep breath as Michaela's hands continued to rub away the tightness in his muscles. "That feels nice," he whispered relaxing somewhat as she moved her fingers down the sides of his spine. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself knowing he couldn't keep this from her even if he wanted to. "Michaela, we need to talk about Colorado."

"Not now," she whispered working her way back up towards his neck. "I don't want to think about you leaving right now."

"Ya don't understand. The other day…"

Michaela interrupted him. "If you think I'm upset about how long you'll be away, I'm not.'

"No….I…."

"Sh…" she whispered near his ear, wrapping her arm around his neck to still his lips. "Not now."

Sully swallowed hard, turning to kiss her as the knot in his stomach tightened once again.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!! I hope to get a current timeline up either tonight or tomorrow as well as the next chapter possibly!! _


	99. Chapter 99

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter Ninety-nine**

**Boston – December 30, 1855**

The week flew by in the way that holidays often do. The busyness of the days left little time for Sully and Michaela to be alone. Even when they had a few spare moments, they seldom talked preferring to kiss and touch as Michaela had grown more and more comfortable with their physical relationship. The telegram from Daniel remained tucked in the pocket of a dirty pair of pants, practically forgotten. Sully hadn't returned Daniel's telegram but he hadn't told Michaela about it either. He knew he couldn't wait much longer to tell her and that was the first thing on his mind when he rose on this particular day. After dressing, he rummaged through the dirty laundry to retrieve the telegram before setting the clothes out for Martha to launder. Once again, he tucked it into his pocket planning on stealing a few moments with her after breakfast.

When he descended the stairs, he was instantly greeted by Emily who was obviously waiting for him. "Good morning," she sang out reaching for his hand.

"Hey sweet girl." He grasped her hand in his, smiling down.

Emily returned his smile showing off her newly missing front tooth. "I lost a tooth." She pointed at it eagerly, anxious for Sully to notice.

With mock horror Sully bent down beside her. "Oh my, what happened?" Emily began to tell him but he interrupted her. "I know – you were charged by a herd of elephants."

This sent Emily into fits of giggles, her laughter clear and sweet ringing through the air. "No, it just.."

Sully interrupted her again. "You were attacked in the night by pirates."

Emily now doubled over with laughter shaking her head from side to side. "No – it just fell out."

"It had no help?"

Emily pressed her lips together, giving him a sly look. "I did wiggle it some."

Sully gave her hand a gentle squeeze then straightened up, looking into the dining room his thoughts skipping to Michaela. "You're going to stay with us this morning."

Rebecca appeared in the doorway of the morning room as Emily spoke and she hastily corrected her daughter. "We haven't asked yet sweetie."

"If ya need me to, I don't mind," Sully offered as Michaela joined her sister.

"I knew he wouldn't mind," she said crossing to him and linking her arm through his free one. "We want to see Marjorie alone this morning." Her eyes communicated everything he needed to know as Michaela had already informed him of Rebecca's suspicions. "Mother's at a flower club meeting and father was called to the hospital."

"I see." His face grew concerned for a moment. "Are ya sure Everett's not at home?"

"Don't worry," Michaela replied leaning her head on his shoulder. "I'm certain he's at work by now and we will be long gone before he returns."

"Be careful," he warned regardless of her words.

"I'm always careful." The look on her face was one of mischief and it made Sully smile.

"No ya aren't." He looked over at Rebecca as he spoke.

"Don't worry Sully – I'll be careful enough for both of us."

At that moment, Bryon came running around the corner of the dining room barking sharply as Jacob chased him with a wooden block in his hand. The dog ran behind Michaela's legs whimpering as if injured. Michaela let go of Sully's arm in order to lean down and scoop him up. Jacob slid to a stop, his eyes wide at the myriad of adults before him.

"Jacob Colwell – how many times do I have to tell you to leave the dog alone!" Rebeca's voice was stern garnering everyone's full attention.

"I givin' him bone," he said holding out the wooden block innocently.

Rebecca shook her head at his antics, the rest of the adults trying to repress their laughter. Crouching down next to her son, she gave him a warning. "Sully is going to be watching you this morning and I don't want any bad behavior. Do you understand me?" He nodded his head, his chubby cheeks bobbling as he moved. Rebecca turned her eyes to Emily now. "Same goes for you missy – I don't want any bad reports." She nodded and giggled, looking up at Sully knowing that he wouldn't tell on them anyway.

"I'll keep an eye on them mother," Anne said appearing in the door of the library.

Rebecca rose and turned towards her daughter, a look of confusion on her face. "Dear, I thought we were dropping you by the Halstons before we went to Marjorie's."

Anne blushed unwilling to admit she now preferred to stay here. She hadn't known Sully would be watching them. "I have a headache," she lied. "I'd really prefer to stay here and rest." With the concern of a mother, Rebecca crossed to her daughter and felt her forehead but Anne pulled away. "I don't have a fever – just a headache."

"Right." Rebecca turned and raised her eyebrows at Michaela. "Shall we go then?"

"Yes," she said gaily. Turning towards Sully, she smiled. "You be good as well."

"I'm always good."

"Anne will tell you if he's not," Emily said regarding her sister with disdain. She hadn't wanted Anne to stay. "She's a tattle tale."

"Emily," Rebecca reprimanded.

"Go," Sully encouraged motioning them towards the door. "We'll be fine."

Reluctantly Rebecca followed after his sister, fearing that her children would give Sully a hard time. She took one last look at her children and disappeared praying that they behaved. As soon as his mother was out of sight, Jacob began to cry.

"Hey big boy, don't gotta cry. Momma's gonna be back soon." The little boy turned towards Sully with his bottom lip quivering and held out his hands indicating he wanted to be picked up. Sully obliged the child and he immediately quieted in his arms. Leading the way, they walked to the library, where the children had been playing that morning. "Where's Robert?" Sully asked looking around for their older brother.

"He went to work with father," Anne informed him, returning to her chair which held her embroidery work.

Sully nodded and sat down amidst the blocks spread on the floor. "Wanna build something?" Jacob nodded and soon Sully and Emily were constructing tall structures which Jacob delighted in knocking down. Anne sat sullen watching them, her embroidery work in her lap. Sully looked up at her and smiled. "Whatcha workin' on?"

Dropping her eyes demurely, she replied, "It's going to be a pillow when I finish. We are learning embroidery in school."

"Anne, that is very nice work," Sully said admiring the piece from a distance.

His words heightened the color of her cheeks. "Thank you."

"Do you enjoy your new school?"

"Yes." She nodded as she spoke, enthusiasm evident in her eyes.

Sully chuckled to himself. "That's good – your aunt Michaela hated it there."

Anne puckered her face up at the mention of her aunt's name. The stigma of being related to her had followed Anne through her first few months. The teachers were leery that she might be as headstrong as her aunt. "Aunt Michaela gave them trouble."

"Yeah, she did." Sully smirked as he spoke, not noticing the disapproval on Anne's face. "Course that was only 'cause she didn't think sewin' and stuff like that was too important." His words weren't meant to be unkind and he didn't even realize how he had crushed Anne with that one sentence.

Blinking her eyes rapidly, Anne turned her face toward the fire. "It is important," she murmured, "if you want to be a good wife."

"Maybe here in Boston but there's a whole world that ain't Boston. Out west it don't matter if ya can sew fancy things like this – just as long as ya can sew a shirt." He had Anne's attention now and she turned her face back towards him, imagining herself as a rugged pioneer woman. Sully was afraid he was only upsetting her more and so he tried to retract some of his hasty spoken words. "I know in Boston, ya need to know this kind of thing. You're real good at it Anne and I am sure when you're married someday, your husband will be pleased."

"Maybe," she replied with a little shrug of her shoulders, her heart beating rapidly ever since he said the word marriage. "Do ya think you'll always live in Colorado?"

"Yeah, I'd like to. It's beautiful there and the lands not crowded like it is here."

"When do you go back?"

"Soon," he said thoughtfully, his mind skipping to the telegram in his pocket. "I hadn't quite decided but my friend Daniel's written me – says he needs my help right away." It never occurred to Sully what he was doing in sharing this information as generic as it might be. His mind was on Michaela, praying that she wouldn't be too upset when he told her. Anne on the other hand was soaking each of his words in like a dry sponge, writing them upon her memory to later recall as she lay in her bed at night and thought of him.

* * *

"I'll get right to the point, Majorie," Rebecca began after her and Michaela had been shown into the small office that belonged to their sister. A warm fire cackled in the background and the green of the walls was so pleasant that Michaela thought it would have been a lovely place to talk if their subject wasn't so unpleasant. Neither expected their sister to react well but they both knew it needed to be done.

"Yes do get on with Rebecca." Marjorie's face looked tired and drawn as she sat across from them pulling awkwardly at the sleeves of her dress.

"I am concerned about you – about what I saw the other day."

"I told you I fell." Her tone was brash and her look defiant.

In complete contrast, Rebecca spoke with softness, love and kindness written in her eyes. "You don't deserve to be treated poorly. Everett has no right to lay a hand on you. One word to mother or father…"

Marjorie snapped to attention at the mention of her parents. "If you dare breathe one word of this to them…." Her nostrils flared and the red of her cheeks almost matched the red of her hair. "It isn't your business. What happens in my marriage isn't your business."

"It is our business if he's hurting you, Marjorie," Michaela replied.

"I never said Everett was hurting me." Marjorie rose quickly and crossed to the small window that looked out on the land behind the house. Inside, she felt conflicted, wanting to tell her sisters about the hellish nightmare that had become her existence yet something held her back. How dare they, she thought to herself and grew angrier in the process. When she turned back to face them, bitterness rose up inside of her. "What gives you the right to come here flaunting your perfect lives? Rebecca with four children and she doesn't even need a nanny. Robert always at your side, smiling and reminding everyone that you're the perfect couple."

"Marjorie," Michaela tried to interrupt her watching as Rebecca's face fell from her sister's attack.

"Oh don't start with me Michaela! You're just as bad – running about the country like a man doing whatever he pleases. And the way you act with Sully is down right shameful but does father ever say one word to you – no!"

Michaela felt her own anger rising and she struggled hard to not defend the accusations leveled at her. Rebecca reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze to help her calm down. "Marjorie we didn't come here to upset you. We're only worried and wanted you to know that we are here for you, no matter what."

"I don't need your pity," Marjorie bellowed back.

"We want to help," Michaela reiterated.

Swatting at the air, Marjorie dismissed Michaela's comment completely. "If you really want to help, you'll leave me alone."

Rebecca and Michaela looked at each other and rose almost simultaneously. They knew that no more progress would be made today. "Marjorie, we only want your best." Rebecca spoke one last time before closing the door behind them. Marjorie never acknowledged that she heard it but she did. The sound of the door catching echoed through the room and she crumpled in on herself, hot tears flowing down her cheeks. They knew – somebody knew. There was relief but shame all at the same time. Why hadn't she sought their help? Why hadn't she told them?

* * *

Rebecca and Michaela returned to the Quinn house, their own spirits crestfallen after the way things had turned out with their sister. On the way home they had discussed what could be done and come to the conclusion that for now that was very little. Marjorie didn't want their help and they had no evidence to support their notions. Despite this, both were more sure than ever that Everett was indeed beating Marjorie.

Upon their arrival, they found Martha had laid mid-morning tea for them and Rebecca agreed to stay especially since Sully and the children were having such a marvelous time.

"He's so natural with children," Rebecca remarked, her eyes sparkling with Michaela's secret.

"Yes, he is." Michaela nodded as she watched Sully once again run past the door with Jacob and Emily in pursuit. She wanted to say more but Anne's presence at the table prevented her. Anne was agitated with Michaela for since the moment they had returned home, Sully's attention had been focused mainly on her. She knew that her aunt and Sully had a close relationship, one that she could never quite figure out but that was mostly due to the fact that she considered Michaela unmarriageable and unattractive to males at large.

"When does Sully return to Colorado?" Rebecca asked, adding a little sugar to her tea.

"He'll leave after my birthday." Michaela looked pleased with this arrangement as her and Rebecca shared another smile.

Anne looked over at her aunt, her face flushed with adolescent jealousy. She knew what she was about to do was wrong but the thought of Sully at the New Year's Eve party filled her mind. In the same way that she had been ignored since Michaela returned, she would be ignored at the party. Sully had promised this morning to dance with her but that would probably be forgotten as well. Though she knew she was only twelve, her limitations were practically forgotten. In her mind, Sully was going to fall madly in love with her and she only had to help him realize it. With all the impetuousness of youth she spoke, her heart and mind focused solely on Sully. "He might leave earlier."

The comment might have been left at that, if Michaela hadn't let out a little laugh that aggravated Anne even more. "It's true – Daniel wrote him and wants him to come earlier."

Before another word could be uttered, Sully entered the room with Emily holding one hand and Jacob the other. Michaela had turned ghostly pale, her eyes large as her heart beat wildly inside of her. No one was paying attention to the smug look on Anne's face. Sully grew concerned as soon as his eyes settled on her. "Michaela?"

She knew she couldn't react too strongly, here in front of everyone so she set down her tea cup and folded her napkin in her lap. "Anne tells us you received word from Daniel about returning to Colorado earlier." Her voice was steady and void of emotion. Sully knew she was angry and upset but he couldn't tell the extent. It took all he had to suppress the urge to pull her into the next room so they could really talk.

"I did – I thought we could talk about it this afternoon." He tried to reach her with his eyes but she refused to look at him.

"We're supposed to go to the Common," Anne reminded him much to Sully's chagrin. He cast a disapproving look in her direction and Anne seemed to whither beneath his gaze. At the same time Rebecca, gave the back of her daughter's hand a little pinch but she ignored it, her eyes focused on Sully who had now turned his entire attention to Michaela.

"I thought we could all go," Sully tried to explain and he let go Jacob and Emily's hands in order to cross towards her. "Michaela?"

"No, I think I'd prefer to stay here. I have some studying I need to do. Actually I should probably be doing it now." She rose from her place and turned towards Rebecca. "If you'll excuse me."

Rebecca wasn't sure what to do, she looked from Sully to Michaela and then down at Anne. "Of course – we need to be going anyway." Anne began to protest but Rebecca cast an angry look in her direction. Michaela had already crossed the room and she bent down to hug Emily and Jacob. "Go on," Rebecca said to Sully with a wave of her hand. "Anne will help me ready the children to leave."

With Rebecca's permission, he went after her and caught her at the bottom of the stairs. "Michaela talk to me," he pleaded, wishing her anger to be unleashed on him rather than her silence.

"When are you leaving?"

"I don't know." Michaela's eyes narrowed as he spoke. "Truly, I don't."

"Perhaps I should ask Anne – she seems to be up on your schedule."

"Michaela, don't blow this out of proportion. She doesn't know anything at all – she's only trying to act important. I can explain how she knows."

"Well I certainly can't wait to hear how you've been pouring out your heart to my twelve year old niece."

The front door opened at that moment and Josef entered, quickly registering that Sully and Michaela were having some sort of an argument. A flicker of hope rose in him though he wasn't quite sure why. This could simply be some small spat that would be over in a matter of minutes.

"Father," Michaela greeted him warmly, crossing to give him a hug. "I didn't expect you back so soon." She stood awkwardly to the side trying to cover the scene he had walked in on.

"Actually, you're the reason I've returned." Michaela looked up at him expectantly. "I'm going to have to operate on a young man with a head injury this afternoon and I thought perhaps you would be interested in observing – it isn't everyday that we see this sort of patient."

A spark of life flew into Michaela's eyes as she practically jumped at the chance to go. "That would be wonderful – oh thank you," she sang hugging him around the neck once more. Josef looked triumphantly over at Sully but Sully's eyes were still focused on Michaela.

Rebecca and the children now tumbled out into the foyer and there was a whole new round of greetings in which Sully tried hard to speak to Michaela. She was already reaching for her coat and Sully slipped behind her holding the other side as she slid her arm in. "Thank you," she replied coolly.

"Michaela – this is simply a misunderstanding," he whispered, not wanting her to leave angry at him.

Her eyes softened as she turned back, the expression on his face stirring her heart. She laid a hand on his arm and replied, "Don't worry – we'll talk later."

Sully relaxed under her touch and nodded. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Michaela," Josef called his eyes falling on the two whispering off to the side. "We better go." There was actually no rush but he wanted to extricate her as soon as possible for it looked like they were already making up.

"Bye," she said hastily and bundled her scarf around her neck. With that she was gone, the door cling behind her and Josef.

Sully let out a deep breath and turned to head up the stairs but Anne's voice stopped him. "I'm sorry if I made Aunt Michaela mad at you."

Added to the other emotions, guilt entered his heart and he turned back to the young girl before him. "It isn't your fault Anne – I should have told her about the telegram as soon as it arrived."

Breathing a sigh of relief, she smiled. "You'll still dance with me at the Lewis' party."

"Of course I will," Sully assured her.

"And me too," exclaimed Emily as Rebecca tried to button her into her coat.

'And you too."

"Me too," Jacob called in imitation of his sisters.

Sully smiled broadly and stooped down to pick him up. "How bout we share a cup of punch rather than a dance?"

"Punch," Jacob giggled unaware of what he had said that was so funny. He held out his arms to Rebecca. "Mama, punch."

"Not now little one. It's time you went down for a nap."

* * *

**December 31, 1855**

Michaela stood across the room, trying hard to hide the fact that she was staring at Sully. He was dancing with Anne once again. She knew he was not the least bit interested in her twelve year old niece but Michaela felt as if he was paying her extra attention to spite her. A new surge of anger rose inside of her and she began to wonder why she had bothered coming. The hair done so intricately, the corset cutting off her air supply and the velvet dress – all wasted in her opinion. Certainly other gentlemen didn't think so and she received many invitations to the dance floor which had all been turned down. There was no gaiety in her face, no festive spirit. She hadn't wanted to go to the Lewis' party in the first place and now that things were so messed up, she certainly didn't want to be here. Walking to the punch bowl, she diverted her eyes but blushed horribly as she passed them. Again, she asked herself how things had elevated from an uneasy peace when she left for the hospital to such hurt.

Josef's words had been part of it, she knew, though she didn't attribute any maliciousness to her father. Rather, Michaela believed he spoke innocently, wanting to discuss Sully with her as someone they both cared about. On the ride to the hospital, he had asked her what was wrong and she told him – well she told him that Sully was returning to Colorado and that she was worried for his safety. This had lead to a long soliloquy from Josef on Sully's propensity for fleeing civilization as he put it. At first, Michaela had defended him but Josef insisted he wasn't being critical, only helping her to understand Sully better. To think of his words now, it almost made her laugh – like she needed Josef to explain Sully to her. Still something in his words had made sense.

Josef called him a loner and explained how he would always make decisions rather flippantly never consulting anyone for that was his nature. Michaela had not commented on Josef's thoughts but had simply taken them in. It wasn't that she truly believed that Sully would always make decisions without her. Yet between her father's words and the fact that this was the second time in a week he had made decisions about his departure without consulting her, she found herself becoming angry. Instead of the rational discussion Sully was anticipating when she returned home, he found Michaela to be unreasonable and startlingly angry. The argument had elevated quickly until Michaela stormed off, refusing to see him until she had been forced by her mother to attend the party. And now he was practically mocking her, spinning Anne about the floor every few songs.

Lost in thought, Michaela didn't notice David's approach. She had been ducking him all night unwilling to have to put on a façade when she felt like simply pouting. Now he had her cornered and it wasn't even like Sully would rescue her. "Michaela," he said reaching for her hand and smiling widely.

"David, I was wondering when I might run into you."

He regarded her quizzically. "I've been trying to get to you all night – if I didn't know better I might think you were avoiding me."

Michaela laughed, hoping it didn't sound fake. "How's school?"

"Really wonderful. I love Yale – it is truly the perfect fit for me. Your mother tells me that you are going to medical college as well."

Michaela nodded. "I am – Women's Medical College in Philadelphia."

"Ah yes, I seem to recall reading about the opening a few years back. It's run by Quakers if I remember correctly."

"That's correct." David didn't speak again for a moment and Michaela could think of nothing to say so they stood there as the silence built. Michaela caught sight of Sully again, this time dancing with a girl she had never seen before.

"Would you like to dance?" David asked.

Michaela, who would have calmly said no moments before, grabbed his hand. "I would love to," she replied rather forcefully.

* * *

Josef could sense the tension on the carriage ride home and it made him giddy. Elizabeth sat diagonal to him, her eyes drooping as they made their way home. Sully sat directly across from him, staring out the window- his face set in a permanent scowl. Michaela appeared no better and though Josef didn't wish to see his daughter unhappy, he couldn't help but feel pleased with the turn of events. It was working – it was really working. When he had spoken with Michaela the day before, he hadn't been sure she had taken his words to heart. Now that he knew she had, he felt like giving himself a pat on the back – sure that he had started them down the road to their demise.

His movements were quick as he descended from the carriage with the others following. It was nearly two in the morning but it might as well have been noon to him. They were barely in the front door before he heard Sully's voice.

"Michaela – I need to speak with ya."

"Fine," she sighed, flouncing over to the library door before turning back to her parents. "Good night."

"Don't stay up too late," Elizabeth warned, not having the energy to dissuade a private talk between the two.

"Good night," Josef called merrily, starting up the stairs but hesitating somewhere near the top. "Elizabeth, I'll be up in a minute," he called to the retreating figure of his wife. She merely waved him off too tired to argue as Josef crept back down the stairs prepared to listen at the library door. The risk of being caught was great but at the moment his need for information was greater.

Inside the library, an icy stillness had settled. There was no roaring fire to warm the air of the room but rather anger heated both of them from the inside. For the rest of the evening, Sully had to endure watching Michaela dance with David, sit with David and talk with David. Though Michaela had felt trapped, unable to escape, Sully assumed she had done it on purpose simply to make him jealous.

Michaela spoke first, frustrated by the fact that Sully had asked her in here and now wasn't saying anything. "I am too tired to stand in the dark and stare at your back so get on with it."

Sully turned, his eyes glowering. "Why were you dancing with him?"

"Who is him, Sully? People have names." Michaela regretted her word choice instantly – she knew how Sully hated it when she put on Boston airs.

"With David Lewis," he replied coolly.

"He asked me too which is more than you did all evening."

"Like ya would have danced with me."

"Well now I suppose you'll never know. Besides I noticed you never seemed to lack a partner."

Sully regarded her incredulously. "It was Anne, Michaela – she's twelve remember."

Letting out an angry snort, she clenched her fists. "You never think about anyone but yourself." The words struck Sully hard especially since they both knew they weren't true and though Michaela wouldn't realize it to much later she never would have said it had it not been for the conversation with Josef. Still she continued, digging the hole deeper as she beat him mercilessly with her words. "I am supposed to simply accept that you're rushing off to another part of the country and staying away from a whole year – you never asked me once if I minded. You promised me Sully – you promised me you would never stay away again for so long."

Michaela turned her skirts rustling behind her, the sound crisp and cool in the over emotional room. The sound woke Sully up as much as if someone had thrown a glass of cold water on him. Even though her words were so angry and so hateful, he heard her heart. She was going to miss him.

"I'm sorry," he said casting his eyes downward, his heart softening. "Ya know I don't want to go back right away. Daniel really needs the help though and the money I'll make…"

"I don't care about the money," she exclaimed her hands flailing out in front of her. "I have plenty."

"We've talked about this before. I ain't gonna use your money." He took a deep breath as angry waves engulfed him anew. "Michaela, please - I don't want to argue with ya."

"One telegram and you go running off to Colorado – what would it take to make you come home? Me on my deathbed?"

Sully felt exasperated with her now but at the same time, he recognized the fear and worry that were motivating her words. Part of him was hurt that they were reliving old arguments and yet curious at what had her thinking in this way again. Calmly he stood trying to get a handle on his emotions before replying

On the other side of the door, Josef silently cheered his daughter on. An unnatural light shone in his eyes as he clasped his hands together just under his chin. He couldn't hear everything that was being said but he heard enough to know that Michaela was still angry and showed no signs of relenting. The silence baffled him though and he wished he could see as well as hear the scene on the other side of the door.

When Sully finally did speak, his voice was gentle and warm. "Ya know that if ya needed me, I'd be here as soon as I could be."

Michaela stared incredulously at him. Couldn't he see that she did need him? "You know what, you're right. I don't need you and I never did."

Josef almost chuckled aloud at these words but he had to move quickly as he heard feet approaching. With the spryness of a youth he bounded to the stairs, a new fire lit within him. He took the stairs two at a time as adrenalin pumped hard through his body. Stopping at the top of the stairs, he waited and listened. When he heard the library door open and slam, he quickly ducked around the corner at the top of the stairs scurrying down to his room before Michaela reached the top. Rubbing his hand together excitedly, he entered the bedroom to find Elizabeth sound asleep. Joy flooded his heart and though he didn't want to see his daughter in pain, he thought better now than later. Besides she left for school tomorrow and with the semester starting she would have less time to think about Sully. Yes this was working out better than he could have hoped. He hadn't even imagined it would be so easy. Carefully he slipped into bed, unaware of the continued movements of the two individuals below as well as he was unaware of the deep bond that linked the two.

Sully caught Michaela midway on the staircase, grabbing her arm just below the puffed sleeve. She turned, balling her hands into fists and pounding them against his chest as Sully pulled her close. She struggled to break free but he held her there taking her blows while whispering how much he loved her near her ear, determined to quell every worry within her. Michaela's hands fell helplessly to her sides as Sully felt her weaken against him.

Josef slipped into bed, his mind skipping to their office- the one Michaela and he would share. A big partner's desk sat in the middle of the room, the two of them seated on either side. The wood a rich mahogany just like Michaela admired. Wingback chairs covered in the finest material; no expense spared. It would be grand – wonderfully grand.

Sully bent slightly cradling her back with one hand as he slipped the other arm beneath her knees and picked her up. Michaela did not protest but simply lay her head against his shoulder. "I didn't mean it," she whispered, her voice hoarse from the yelling.

"I know."

One set of footprints made their way up the stairs as Josef turned onto his side, the moonlight shining brightly through the window as if celebrating with him. Pushing up a little in the bed, he leaned over and kissed his wife's cheek wishing she was awake. Of course he couldn't share the news with her but still he was in a good mood and wanted someone to share in his high spirits.

They reached her bedroom door and Sully struggled but managed to open the knob as he stumbled over the threshold, his lips bending to find hers. She eagerly turned her face up to him, meeting his heated kisses with her own. Slipping out of his arms, she reached past him and pushed the door to not caring about propriety at the moment. Sully didn't move forward or backward, scared that the sheer emotion of the moment might drive them to do something they would regret. When Michaela wrapped her arms around his neck, he took a staggering breath and stumbled backwards slightly pulling Michaela with him.

"The bed," she gasped pushing into him until they fell back together landing on the blue coverlet. Their lips met and their tongues danced together as anger melted to passion. Both were aware of the dangers before them but neither cared as they thrashed wildly around on the mattress; their bodies splashed in moonlight and then hidden in shadow as they rolled back and forth. Sully sat up for a brief moment in order to shed his coat, throwing it with wild abandon into the corner. Michaela bent down hastily unlacing her boots and kicking them off onto the floor.

Josef ran his hand lovingly down Elizabeth's arm but his wife never stirred. Turning onto his back, he let out a light laugh. There would be plenty of time to celebrate later, he told himself. For the first time in weeks he would sleep peacefully knowing that Michaela's future was safe.

Sully's lips were on her collarbone; his fingers working frantically with the buttons at the back of her dress. He pushed it down off her arms and Michaela extricated her hands, returning them to his back, which she lovingly stroked, moving her hands down his back and then up into his scalp. With her lips she placed gentle kisses to his head, her body craving something that she wasn't even sure of. She felt his fingers now pulling at the corset, loosening the laces and suddenly found she could breathe again. Taking deep gulps of air, she clung to him afraid but needing to have him as close as possible.

Josef stared merrily up at the ceiling, wondering how he would find the two in the morning. The thought of two sullen faces amused him and though he knew he shouldn't be so happy, he simply couldn't help it. Michaela had been returned to him – one conversation had opened her eyes. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply and happily drifting off to sleep.

Sully rolled over onto his back to get some air and slow down his racing pulse. Michaela was free of the corset, the top ribbon of her camisole undone as she followed his movements. Her lips found the side of his neck as Sully gasped at the intensity of the kisses that she placed there. Her hands were now pulling on his buttons, the dress shirt pushed aside as she moved lower on his chest.

A myriad of thoughts and emotions jumbled around in her brain as she tried to make sense of what was happening inside of her. Wrenching herself away from him, she sat up on the bed moonlight illuminating his face – the face she loved. "I didn't mean it," she whispered again.

Sully sat up now too and wrapped his arm around her. "Shh.. I know." Lovingly he stroked her arm, glad they had found the fortitude to stop their movements. She tucked her head beneath his chin as their heated skin cooled. After a period of silence, Sully spoke up. "I'm gonna go back to Philadelphia with ya tomorrow. We'll have the night – I'll take ya to dinner and a play of some kind. Say you'll go…"

"I will," she said breathlessly, placing a kiss to the side of his neck. "I will."

* * *

**Boston – December 18, 1856**

The night in Philadelphia was tame compared to the night they had spent rolling around on Michaela's bed, lost in the emotion of the evening. Yet both nights warmed their hearts and memories – etched permanently in both of their thoughts as the next year passed. Letters came as frequently as ever and though the summer seemed to drag on endlessly, Michaela was surprised how quickly the time passed while she was in school.

For Sully, time was not measured in weeks and months but rather in days and nights. Days that went quickly consumed with body exhausting work in the mines. Nights that stretched out before him like miles as he lay there trying to sleep, his thoughts full of her. If it wasn't for exhaustion, he wasn't sure he ever would have slept but eventually sleep always came bringing sweet dreams.

December was the longest month for both of them, knowing that soon they would be together again. If it hadn't been for the need to focus on exams, Michaela thought she would have pined away during those few weeks. She barely ate or slept, her mind always full of either school or Sully. The last letter was sent, the train ticket purchased and Michaela awoke on December eighteenth her heart so full she thought it would burst.

Josef who had lived the year believing that Sully and Michaela were only a past unpleasant memory was surprised when he received the letter from Sully telling of his Christmas plans. Yet in his delusional state, he still clung to his belief that their relationship was over, destroyed last year at this same time. Of course they would have forgiven each other and he could even accept that they were on speaking terms but pride and foolishness kept him from believing that they had reconciled until that very night when Sully walked through the door of the Quinn house. The annual Christmas party was in full swing when he arrived and before Josef could even cross to him, a blur of red was pulling Sully onto the dance floor.

She closed her eyes and let the music take her. The hand on her waist was warm and familiar. The warm feeling started there at her waist and moved through her body in waves. His other hand held hers securely giving it a gentle squeeze from time to time. Opening her eyes, she met his and was immediately lost in the limpid blue that swam before her. Never in her life had she been fully intoxicated but that was how she felt right now. It had been a year since she had last seen him and now he was here for a month. A whole glorious month that she knew would fly by, leaving her wanting more. This wasn't the time to think about that though. Now was the time to dance, laugh and enjoy these rare moments spent together.

"Have I told ya how beautiful ya look tonight?" he whispered leaning in towards her ear.

"A girl can't hear that too much," she teased.

"I love ya in red."

"I chose it just for you."

He smiled as the intensity of her gaze became even greater. His fingers at her waist gently massaged the area and she giggled. Sully raised his eyebrows at her remembering how she had greeted him in the past. "Library," he whispered. Michaela nodded as she let Sully lead her off the dance floor.

Josef watched from across the room, a frown on his face as the illusion began to fade. How many times had he stood in this very spot and watched them dance? How many times had he watched them sneak off alone and he had assumed it was just to catch up? How long had it been going on? He felt disgusted with himself for his prideful belief that he could break them apart so easily. Yet something continued to hold him back from confronting them. As the melancholia returned again, he couldn't help wonder how he had ever watched them dance and not noticed that they were much more than close friends.

_

* * *

__No future scene this time guys because I didn't want the time jump to be confusing… thanks for reading… 100 will have a fun future scene to make up for the lack of one here and to celebrate 100 chapters.. he he. And in case you are thinking… will she ever finish this story… we are about 2/3 of the way through so hopefully it will end around 150. Thanks for sticking with it so far.. more soon!! _


	100. Chapter 100

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

**Chapter One Hundred**

**Boston – January 15, 1857**

"Rebecca are you happy in your marriage?"

Rebecca looked up, startled by the frankness of her mother's question. She also cringed knowing that marital talks with her mother were painful affairs. Yet what she saw surprised her. A sadness lingered in her mother's eyes that she had never seen there before. Setting down her embroidery work, she turned toward Elizabeth. "Yes, mother, I am happy."

"And Robert treats you well?"

Her brow wrinkled in confusion, wondering why Elizabeth would phrase her question so. "I couldn't ask for someone more devoted that Robert."

"I went to see Marjorie a few days ago."

"Oh," Rebecca replied, hastily returning to her needlework. Over the past year, she had taken every available opportunity to convince Marjorie to open up to her but with each visit she seemed more and more closed off.

"She is so bitter, Rebecca. I can't understand it. Two beautiful babies, a third on the way and she acts as if the world is on her shoulders. I suppose she and Everett are desperately unhappy." Rebecca kept her eyes fixed on the stitching in front of her as she held her breath waiting to hear what else Elizabeth might say. The desire to tell her mother all she knew was there but she suppressed it, unsure whether or not it was a wise decision. "I know he visits houses of ill repute."

"Mother…" Rebecca's head jerked up involuntarily.

"There is no need to pretend for my sake. Your father might have his head in the sand but I certainly don't."

Rebecca smiled at her mother's comment. "I suppose I forget how people talk."

"You would, dear, because you don't gossip like most of Boston does." She grew quiet now, her own eyes fixed on a point across the room. "But Marjorie's situation has made me think."

"About what?"

"My girls." The words were spoken with such emotion that Rebecca felt tears rise in her eyes. "I'm so pleased that you and Everett are happy but I fear your sisters aren't. Even if Maureen and Claudette's husbands are faithful, I am afraid they are as unhappy as Marjorie."

"Maureen and Marjorie never were happy people mother."

Elizabeth nodded, again deep in thought. "And you… you were so young when Robert asked for your hand. I sometimes wonder…." Her voice trailed off leaving the sentence unfinished and piquing Rebecca's interest.

"You wonder what, mother?"

"Josef was never much of a father to any of you except for Michaela."

"He was busy with work," Rebecca excused him. She had always been proud of how her father helped others even if it meant he was less present in her own life.

"I remember when you became attached to Robert. I thought even then that you might be looking for male attention – I tried to speak to your father about it."

Rebecca had never heard Elizabeth speak about such intimate matters before and she felt as if she was seeing a side to her mother that had always been hidden before. Her mother's voice was emotional and strained, true concern evident in her facial features. It gave Rebecca pause and in her own mind, she wrestled with the question of her attraction to Robert. "Do you know that even when I was Anne's age and would talk to him, he always acted so interested in what I had to say? With father, I never felt like what I had to say mattered – he was too important to trifle with the silly thoughts of a twelve year old girl. One time Robert asked me what I thought about abolition. I was so young and I know my answer was overly simple and probably rather foolish sounding." A wide smile spread over her face as she continued. "But Robert simply said, 'Becca I never thought of it that way before.' As if I had changed his way of thinking. He always was like that – making me feel as if what I had to say mattered."

"You could have had your pick of men and I always wondered why Robert."

"Mother, that isn't true."

"Oh Rebecca, you were a beauty. That dark hair, your ivory skin, your sweet spirit…. Do you think your sisters also felt that their father wasn't there for them?"

"I know Marjorie felt that way especially since she was closest in age to Michaela. It was hard for her to watch father fuss over Michaela and not her."

"I think your father is obsessed with Michaela," Elizabeth whispered as if she was ashamed to share this information with her daughter. "Things had grown better this past year. I thought we were making progress. But after Christmas…." She sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do. I feel like he is losing touch with reality sometimes. I caught him the other day in her room looking through her jewelry and when I asked him why he claimed that she had left something behind and asked him to send it to her."

Rebecca felt panicky inside as she thought about her father snooping in her sister's room. "Why would he go through her things?"

"I don't know," Elizabeth replied, fingering the needle she had been using moments before. "But I'm worried for Michaela and I'm worried that he is going to push her so far away with his obsession that getting her back might not even be possible."

* * *

**Philadelphia – February 8, 1857**

_Up ahead there was a single light. Even though the fog tried its best to obscure it, she could make it out. The darkness was thick and she found it hard to breath but she pressed on. Somehow she knew that daylight had been cut off as if the sun might never shine again. Panic flooded her heart as she fought off the fears that continued to invade her thoughts. The light – she had to get to the light. She was moving but the light seemed to be so far away. There was no way she could make it and then it was gone – cut off, extinguished by some invisible hand. The sound of rocks falling, of gravel crunching underfoot scared her but she continued to move even though the darkness obscured her view._

_And then she stopped and listened. His voice was scared, just as scared as her heart felt. "Michaela… Michaela… oh Michaela…" _

"_Sully, I'm coming." She stumbled forward only to realize that she had no idea which direction his voice was coming from. "Sully, where are you?"_

"_Michaela, help me, Michaela."_

"_Where are you Sully?" Her voice was agitated as frustration flooded her being. She ran in one direction and then the other as hopelessness set in. "Sully, I can't find you!" She was crying now, her breath coming in gasps. "Please tell me where you are!"_

"_Michaela…."_

"Michaela, Michaela!" She rolled over and peeked out from beneath her eyelids to find Miriam standing over the bed. "You're going to be late for the exam." Quickly she sat up, slightly disoriented.

"What time is it?" she asked, the ominous feeling from earlier slowly starting to dissipate. It was only been a dream, she told herself.

"Half past seven."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier?" Michaela jumped out of bed and ran to the wash basin knowing that they would have to leave in fifteen minutes to make the exam on time.

"I tried to wake you several times." Miriam had taken offense to her accusatory tone and her words reflected it. "Must have been some dream you were having."

"Nightmare actually," she corrected her.

"About what? Failing the exam – as if that would ever happen." Miriam laughed at her own joke and sat down on the edge of her bed to pull on her shoes.

Michaela was already at the closet pulling out a fresh dress. She ignored her roommate's comment. Having never told Miriam about Sully, she didn't want to explain now. Of course Miriam knew she received letters - many letters, but she wasn't a nosy sort of person and so she never asked. "Oh, why did I have to over sleep today? I really wanted to go over my notes again."

"Good gracious Michaela. You've been studying longer than any of us – like you even needed to." Miriam watched as her roommate finished buttoning her dress and then picked up the brush to run it through her hair. Even today when she was running late, Michaela looked beautiful. A little unkempt perhaps with her hair hanging down like it was, but Miriam actually liked her best this way.

Michaela grabbed an apple she had saved from dinner the night before off her bedside table and took a large bite as she sat down at her desk, her eyes roaming over the page of notes she had left there the night before.

"Michaela, we are going to be late if we don't hurry," Miriam said as she swept the last of her dirty clothes into the small closet that they shared.

"Right." She rose, her eyes still trained on the sheet in front of her as she crossed to the door. Just as she was about to open it, someone knocked. Michaela looked over at Miriam who shook her head as if to say that she wasn't expecting anyone. Opening the door, she found the matron of the boarding house standing there.

"Miss Quinn, a telegram came for you."

"Thank you," Michaela said retrieving the envelope and closing the door. Slowly she walked across the room and sat down on the bed, the ominous feeling from earlier returning.

"Michaela, we're going to be late." Miriam was now standing impatiently at the door.

"I just need a moment. Go on if you need to." Miriam was tempted but something about the look on Michaela's face told her to stay.

_To: Michaela Quinn_

_From: Daniel Simon_

_Urgent! Mine cave-in – Sully trapped. Believe he is still alive. Please come._

Michaela raised her head, staring at the wall in front of her, the dream from earlier swimming in front of her eyes. It wasn't just a dream, she thought. He was trying to reach me. What if… what if… She couldn't even bring herself to think the word dead but she knew it was a possibility.

"Michaela?"

She looked up and waved her roommate on. "Go on – I'll meet you at the exam."

"Is everything alright?"

"I… I'll see you at the exam." Michaela waved her on again and turned her attention back to the telegram. She caught her bottom lip in between her teeth as she began to make mental preparations for what she would need to do.

Miriam hesitated a moment longer, uncertain whether to leave her alone. Across the street the church bells rang the hour and she snapped to attention. "If you want me to stay…"

"No, no, go on," she assured her. Miriam left reluctantly, her mind wondering what could possibly be in the telegram. The only thing that made sense is that her father was ill.

The sound of the door closing jarred Michaela and she suddenly felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Drawing a simple breath was extremely difficult but she made herself breath in deeply, trying to calm her racing heart. As upset as she was there was no reason to lose her head. In fact she needed to be able to think clearly if she was going to actually make her way to Colorado.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – February 14, 1857**

Michaela stepped down from the stage coach, her eyes wide at the town around her. Pulling her coat close, she moved to the side waiting for Sarah. Eyes were everywhere taking in her appearance as well as Sarah's. She searched the faces quickly not wanting to actually prolong the stares as she sought out Daniel's face. Things had been rushed with their leaving but she had managed to communicate with Daniel when they would arrive. She had hoped someone would come to meet them but now she wasn't so sure.

"Which bags miss?" asked the driver, readying to unload the stage.

"That one there – yes and that one." The driver handed them down to a man who was standing nearby looking at the two ladies with interest.

"Can I take these to the boarding house for you, miss?" he asked, his eyes settling on Michaela.

"No… umm… we need to hire some horses, possibly a wagon."

"Ya gonna ride dressed like that?" asked one pair of staring eyes.

Michaela looked over at him, instantly feeling uncomfortable with the way his gaze roamed up and down her body. It felt as if he could see right through her coat and even her dress. "I have other clothes," she replied sharply trying to communicate that she wished to be left alone.

The man chuckled and took a drag off the cigar in his hand. "Where would ya ladies be ridin' to?"

A young woman stepped in close to them and smiled. "Ignore him," she whispered. "I can show ya where the livery is."

"I was gonna do that, Abby." The man stood there with the bags in his hand looking a little upset that he had been replaced.

"Don't you have a barber shop to run?" she asked with a backward glance over her shoulder. "Or some whiskey to drink over at the saloon?"

A low whistle went through the gathered group. Sarah laughed out loud, nudging Michaela who stood stone still with a look of consternation on her face.

"Who died and appointed you God?" Hank leaned back against the stage as he spoke, an amused expression on his face. "Bet your papa doesn't know you're out there ordering people around like ya own the town? I tell ya if ya were my girl, I wouldn't let ya be runnin' your mouth off like that." As he spoke a long ribbon of cigar smoke curled out of his mouth, giving him an even more sinister appearance.

Michaela stepped sideways, hoping to slip away from the group but Sarah was stuck fast, enjoying the playful banter. She turned now to look at Abby, wondering what she would say by way of retaliation. Suddenly the man holding their bags seemed a safer bet than the woman to Michaela and she looked over trying to catch his eye.

Jake smiled when she waved him over and he stepped quickly to the side. "Can I escort ya to the livery?"

"Yes, please," she said with true thankfulness. She grabbed Sarah's arm and yanked her away. "Thank you very much…Mister?"

"Slicker, Jake Slicker."

"Thank you, Mister Slicker." Michaela kept a hold on Sarah who was still looking back at the crowd longingly.

"She's a real fireball," she said to Michaela referring to the young woman who still stood in front of the stage going head to head with Hank.

"Who Abby?" Jake laughed. "She's all bark and no bite. Always runnin' her mouth though. Her father owns the mercantile and she thinks she owns the town." He rolled his eyes as he said this which made Sarah giggle. As they walked along, Sarah and Michaela looked around at the few rough hewn buildings scattered about. "And I thought Cambridge was bad," Sarah chuckled under her breath. "And ya gonna live here."

"I don't know… I think it's rather charming." She laughed as she said it, knowing Sarah could see right through her words.

"Ya ladies aren't from around here, are ya?" Jake asked, his curiosity piqued by their fancy dresses and strange accents.

Sarah regarded him warily but Michaela piped up, not as suspicious of strangers as Sarah was. "We're from Boston, Mr. Slicker."

"Boston? What are ya doing clean out here?"

Michaela started to answer but Sarah grabbed her hand and gave it a hard squeeze. "We have some business to attend to between here and Soda Springs."

"Only thing in that direction is the Simon's mine." Jake turned to look at them once again, wondering if he had read them wrong. There was only one reason for girls to head out to the mining camp and they certainly didn't look like whores. He was just about to ask them another question when a voice caught their attention.

"Michaela!" Quickly she turned, recognizing the voice as Daniel ran in their direction. Michaela let out a deep breath and relaxed at the sight of a familiar face. "Sorry, I'm late. Stage came little early today."

"Sully… is he…have you…" Michaela stumbled over her words uncertain how to ask the one question weighing heavily on her mind.

"We're still digging out the tunnel but I heard his voice just last night. Just takin' us a little while to get to them."

Michaela actually smiled at the news that his voice had been heard. In relief, she threw her arms around Daniel's neck. "Thank you," she whispered. Daniel wrapped his arms awkwardly around her back, reminding himself that whatever feelings he had for her in the past, needed to stay in the past. Yet as he reassuringly stroked her, his eyes caught sight of the girl who had stood at her side, and he felt mesmerized.

Moving back, she followed Daniel's gaze. "Daniel, I'd like for you to meet my friend, Sarah."

"Nice to meet ya," Daniel said standing up a little taller. He reached out for her, clasping his hand in hers. Sarah gave him one of her sweet smiles as he bowed low in greeting.

"Nice to meet ya as well," she returned. She looked at Michaela and then back at Daniel, assuming that Daniel stared at her to stop from staring at Michaela.

Daniel was in fact not thinking of Michaela at all. He knew he needed to look away but there was something about the color of her skin and the blue of her eyes- together they were magnificent. With a shake of his head, he finally turned away. "I'm sure you're anxious to get out there. Where are your bags?"

Having forgotten all about Mr. Slicker, who stood off to the side trying to make sense of the scene before him, she felt appropriately bad. "Right here Daniel. Mr. Slicker was nice enough to bring them over for us."

"Much obliged," Daniel said tipping his hat to Jake before picking up the suitcases.

"Thanks, again," Michaela said as they moved away.

Jake turned now to see that the fray in front of the stage coach had broken up. Abby was already walking back toward the mercantile giving Jake a look in the process. He turned and headed towards the saloon porch where Hank stood with a few other men watching the women with Daniel. "What in the hell are they doin' with Daniel?" Hank asked as soon as Jake was in hearing range.

He shrugged his shoulders and made his way slowly onto the porch, enjoying the fact that all eyes were on him. "It was only the white girl who knew him. She introduced the other one.'

"Well from the way she was hangin' on him, I'd say we just seen the reason Daniel never visits the saloon." The men gathered there laughed and nudged each other, making jokes about how anxious Daniel was to get back to his tent.

Jake spoke up, "I don't think it's like that." Quickly all interest returned to him.

"Maybe she's his sister," called someone in the group.

"She can come be my sister," Hank snickered.

"No she asked after somebody else," Jake corrected but the men had already moved on to their own fantasies and comments. Giving up, he looked over at Hank. "Get me a whiskey."

Hank laughed and opened the swinging door of the saloon so that Jake could walk through. "Wasn't interested in ya old man was she?"

* * *

From the porch of the mercantile, Abigail Bray watched the departing wagon, her large brown eyes stained with mild jealousy. Never in her life had she seen such fancy dresses like the two they were wearing. She was, as most people in town put it, spoiled – pampered by her Father and until today, she was sure that she had the best of everything. Yet not only was it the dresses that made her envious, it was the women themselves. She had watched how Jake had made over them and then the hug that Mr. Simon and the one woman had shared. Growing up, she had known she was a beautiful child and the attention of the men as she grew older only confirmed it. Yet somehow she knew that standing beside either of these girls, she would look plain and ordinary. Her mind turned now to Mr. Simon's friend who often came into town with him and she felt her heart begin to race. She hated to think of these girls out there around him when she had yet to make him even look her way.

"Abigail," Loren called stepping out onto the porch. "Ya weren't makin' a spectacle of yourself in front of the stage coach, were ya?"

She ignored his questions and turned to face him, flashing him a sweet smile. "When are you going to Denver again?"

Loren narrowed his eyes, knowing well the look she was giving him. It usually cost him lots of money to make that look go away. "Don't know, why?"

"Ma said I could get some new dresses." She glanced again at the wagon watching until it could be seen no more.

"Now Abby, ya don't need dresses that fancy. Those girls are from back east where the road is something other than dirt. I'm not gonna waste a bunch of money on dresses that you're just gonna ruin. Ya need to pay attention to your work around her instead of watchin' those girls. I saw them through the window, huggin' Daniel like that in the middle of town. It's embarassin' the way young people carry on now a days. When your ma and I were courtin'…"

"I know, "Abigail interrupted. "You never even kissed her until you were engaged. Yes, Pa I know." She flounced past him into the road.

"Where are ya going?"

"I forgot I had a letter to mail with all the excitement at the stage," she lied. The letter had been mailed this morning but she wanted to slip over to the barber shop and wait for Jake to return from the saloon. Hopefully he had additional information on the two girls.

* * *

The ride to the mining camp would have been enjoyable if the circumstances were different. The day was mild and a warm sun beat down on the land, warming the air. The three rode in silence, Michaela taking in the land around her as her thoughts skipped to Sully. Daniel felt tongue tied because of the past situation with Michaela and the fact that every time he looked at Sarah, he seemed unable to control his breathing. Sarah sat close to Michaela, thinking she had never seen a more beautiful place in her life. She too felt a strange flutter in her chest when she looked over at Daniel but she kept trying to ignore it. She needed to focus on Michaela; that was why she was along. Besides it was foolish to think a white man would be interested in her. Love had never been something she considered for herself, knowing she was caught between two worlds and fit in neither most of the time.

As they arrived at camp, a bustle of activity was occurring at the mouth of the mine. Watching the way that Daniel jumped from the wagon, Michaela grew hopeful that perhaps there was news of Sully. She jumped down behind him, her skirts billowing out around her. She hitched them up running across the way as two men emerged from the mine carrying a third one. Her heart caught in her throat when she saw his injured leg, certain that the bone had been crushed. Dried blood matted his hair to his head and his arm hung at a funny angle. It was not Sully. Part of her was relieved, that this mangled man was not her love but part of her grew more worried.

"Are there anymore?" Daniel asked the men who had carried the injured out.

"Not yet, still digging through though."

Daniel nodded in response and turned towards Michaela. "We'll get him out," he promised. "I ain't gonna stop until I bring him back to you." With that one statement, Michaela saw his heart. He truly understood what Sully meant to her and what she meant to Sully. Any residual fear she had about seeing him again dissipated with that one sentence.

"Thank you," she said stepping close and hugging him again. For the first time in her life, she had the feeling that this was what it was like to have a brother.

"I had some of the men set up a tent for ya and Sarah." He pointed across the way and Michaela noticed that Sarah was already taking their bags inside. "I'm gonna go back into the mines now but if ya need anything don't hesitate to ask."

"Is there a doctor?"

"I wired Denver and one came out for a few days but he couldn't hang around waiting for us to find more men. We've been doing what we could for them and if they're bad we load 'em up on the wagon to take 'em over to Denver."

"I'll see what I can do," Michaela offered.

"Thank you," Daniel whispered. "Thank you."

Each set off in their own directions, both anxious to get to work.

* * *

**February 16, 1857**

Sarah bent low over the riverbank washing out the stained cloths that they had been using as bandages. They had been there just under two days and in that time, they had pulled eight men from the rubble- two already dead before they brought them out. Michaela's face had gone ashen as she felt for a pulse and Sarah knew she was thinking of Sully.

The days were full of tending to the injured men as Michaela did what she could with the supplies they had. The ones she couldn't help weren't sent on to Denver. Sarah had been hard pressed to make her rest or even eat more than a few bites at a sitting. Yet the lack of sleep and food had not yet affected her aversely. Instead she worked tirelessly, tending to each of the men as if it was Sully himself.

Standing up too quickly, Sarah stumbled backwards and found herself in Daniel's arms. Quickly, she straightened lowering her head so that he couldn't see the blush on her cheeks. "Careful there." His voice seemed to move right through her and she raised her head a little to smile at him.

"Lost my balance."

Daniel nodded and looked out across the river trying to think of something to say. "How's Michaela holdin' up?"

Sarah gave a little shake of her head as he mentioned Michaela's name. "It's hard on her. She loves Sully very much."

"I know," he replied defensively, instantly regretting his tone when he saw her face.

Sarah grew indignant and snatched the cloths up off the rock where she had laid them to dry. "I'm just remindin' ya in case ya've forgotten."

Daniel reached for her shoulder as she began to move away. "Sarah, please, wait.. that came out wrong… I only meant…" She turned hearing how tongue tied he had become. When the brilliant blue of her eyes met his, he smiled and Sarah felt herself melt. "I'm sure ya know about the past but I don't feel that way about Michaela anymore. She's like my sister."

"I'm sorry too. It's just that I'm worried about both of them. Michaela's barely eating or sleeping."

"I saw her go into the tent to try and catch a brief nap," Daniel offered hoping to put a smile on Sarah's face.

"Yeah, I made her go try and get some sleep. I know she'll be up before long though. Even when she manages to get to sleep, she has dreams of Sully." Her eyes were fixed on Daniel's and though she knew she was sharing something private, she felt compelled to continue. "She dreams that he's calling to her and she can't reach him."

Daniel ran his hand down his face and let out a deep sigh. "Tell ya, been havin' similar dreams myself but it ain't just Sully callin' for me." It was then that Sarah saw the wear on Daniel. She instinctively reached out for him, laying her hand firmly on his shoulder.

"Ya can't blame yourself –things happen."

"I just got too sure of myself. I was braggin' about how safe we were – how we ain't ever had a cave-in." He stared down at the ground the responsibility of so many men's lives resting on his shoulders.

"You can't let this get to you Daniel. I mean the way you're working to free those men – ain't nobody makin' ya do that. Ya wanna get 'em out. I'm sure that's a lot more than most mine owners would do."

Daniel finally raised his head and nodded slightly. He knew she was right but he couldn't help the guilt that continued to bear down upon him. "I guess I better get back to work," he said nervously when he realized that he was once again staring. "I'll walk ya back?"

"Sure."

As the entered the camp, Daniel headed over to the mine and Sarah took the cloths to the clothesline hanging them to dry. Looking up, she caught sight of Michaela's coppery locks and shook her head. Hastily she crossed to her. "Ya've only been asleep for an hour at the most. You can't keep pushin' yourself like this. Havin' ya sick ain't gonna help Sully."

Michaela nodded and diverted her eyes. "I heard him calling to me again."

"Ya only dreamed that." She laid her hand on Michaela' arm and pulled her back towards the tent. "Come on, lay back down for a little bit."

"Sarah get Michaela!" Both girls turned at the sound of Daniel's voice. They could not see him yet and the shout froze their hearts as they assumed the worst. Their eyes were riveted on the mine entrance as three figures emerged. Michaela took off, her feet flying over the ground until she reached them. Sarah was at her heels silently praying that the man now on the ground was Sully and that he was alive.

Michaela knelt down, tears stinging her eyes. Immediately she placed two fingers on his neck feeling for a pulse, her own heart seeming to stop within her. The minute she felt the first thump against her finger, the tears began to trickle down her cheeks. She looked up. "He's alive."

Daniel gave her an odd look. "I know.. I was just talkin' to him."

Sully who had closed his eyes only because of the bright sun after the darkness of the cave, grew more alert at the sound of Michaela's voice. "Michaela?"

"I'm here," she whispered bending down over his face. Without a thought for who was watching she kissed his dirt stained cheeks, reveling in the fact that he lay before her. "I'm here and you're alive." The tears began to flow freely now, falling on Sully's face and making little rivulets of mud in the caked on dirt.

Sully was still having a hard time making out her face but he could smell her and feel her hot tears on his cheeks. Soon his own tears joined hers as he brought both hands up to cup her cheeks. "You're really here – you're not a dream."

"No," she whispered covering his hand with her own.

"I was calling for you…. You came?"

"I came," she whispered, laying her head on his chest. "I came."

* * *

**February 18, 1857**

Michaela balanced two plates in her hand as she picked her way across the mining camp towards the tent of injured men. There was a lightness in her step and she looked around admiring the scenery as she hadn't allowed herself to do before they found Sully. Sarah ducked out of the doorway as she approached. "Is he awake?"

"And askin' for ya." She grinned broadly. "I'll be back after breakfast."

"Daniel's waiting for you," Michaela said, raising an eyebrow at her friend.

"No, he isn't," Sarah denied but instantly blushed. She had to admit that she had noticed the extra attention Daniel seemed to pay to her now that each man had been accounted for.

"Have fun," Michaela called after her before slipping into the tent. The tent was almost empty now, except for Sully and two other gentlemen. Some of the more serious cases were in the hospital in Denver while others had improved enough to return to their regular tents. "Good morning," she said happily as she approached.

"I still can't believe you're here."

"Well believe it." She handed him a plate, with oatmeal ladled out onto it. "How do you feel?"

"Hungry and like I'd rather have some of Ida's cooking."

Michaela laughed. "I wouldn't let you even if she was here to fix it. Your body isn't used to eating at all. We have to start out slow."

Sully sighed but brought a spoonful to his mouth, barely chewing it before swallowing. "How long before I can eat real food?"

"This is real food."

"Ya know what I mean."

"Soon – eat up." Sully nodded and obediently began eating his oatmeal with more enthusiasm before. Michaela dug into hers as well, watching Sully hungrily, glad that he was sitting across from her alive and well. They finished their oatmeal in silence, stealing glances at one another and exchanging smiles. Everything felt rather surreal to both of them, one day dark and hopeless while the next was bright and full of life.

Sully scraped the last of the oatmeal from the edges and sat his plate down beside his bed. Michaela was already moving closer to examine his side where she was sure he had broken a couple ribs. Other than that and a few scrapes and abrasions, he had come out of the mine in good shape though very dehydrated. He had slept most of yesterday but today he seemed more alert.

"I'm going to change these bandages and if you can take it, I want to wrap this a little tighter."

"I can take it." Helping him to sit up, she gently unwrapped the bandage from around him, her fingers grazing the sensitive skin of his stomach. Sully drew a deep breath and closed his eyes trying not to think about who was touching him. She was acting as a doctor he knew and he needed to act as a patient. Hearing the rustling of her skirts, he opened his eyes watching as she returned with the wash basin and a sponge.

"Lay back." Sully willingly did, closing his eyes once again as she washed the area that had been bandaged. The smell of her hair, freshly washed in the river filled his nostrils and he ran his hand up her arm and around her neck. Michaela looked around, ensuring that the rest of the men were asleep before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss to his lips. Sully felt himself losing control. The emotion of the past few days only made it harder not to react to Michaela's touch and kiss.

She pulled back and reached for the fresh bandage, hoping to still her own racing heart. "Sit up please," she said trying to sound professional. Sully did and within minutes, she had his ribs wrapped tighter than before. The pain had dulled Sully's arousal and as she finished, he sunk down onto his pillow. "You alright?"

"Yeah – I'll be fine." He reached for her hand rubbing his thumb over her palm. "So what did ya think about Colorado Springs?"

"Quaint," she replied with a smile on her lips.

"Quaint?" Sully's brow wrinkled. "That mean ya don't like it?"

"No, it's cute. I like it." They shared another look before Michaela started to rise. "I better check on my other patients."

"They're still sleepin'," Sully argued. "Come on - stay here and talk to me."

She smiled, a blush settling over her cheeks. "About what?"

"Tell me about your trip here."

"Not much to tell really. I sent a telegram to Ida and John about what had happened and told them my plans. Told my school that I had to tend my sick brother." She rolled her eyes as she spoke.

"Josef and Elizabeth?"

"Don't know I'm here." Sully's eyes grew wide at this admission. "They only would have stopped me from coming and I had to come."

"I'm glad ya did." His voice was gentle and full of emotion as he grew pensive for a moment. "How did Sarah end up comin' with ya?"

"She was at the train station in Baltimore when I arrived – said I couldn't go alone. I'm very glad she came."

"Seems Daniel might be glad she came to." They both laughed, each wishing that their friends could find happiness together.

"You really need to try and get some rest now." She made to move away again but Sully held her hand tightly.

"Will you stay until I'm asleep?" She looked at him doubtfully. "Tell me a bedtime story?"

Michaela laughed. "What kind of story?" she asked giving in.

"Tell me about our wedding," he said. "Tell me what you want."

"Our wedding?"

"I kept trying to think of good things while I was trapped and this was one of the things I thought about."

Michaela nodded. "Close your eyes, then." She waited as he settled back and then she moved down to sit on the ground resting her head against his cot. "I think I would like for us to be married outside," she began, the lilt of her voice coaxing him to sleep.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

"Is it at all like ya imagined?" he asked holding her close as they moved to the music.

"It's outside," she replied, her head resting on his shoulder.

Sully laughed – a warm deep rich laugh that made Michaela shiver with delight. "Is that it?"

"It's nothing like I imagined," she said truthfully raising her head to look up at him. Sully grew worried for a moment, his eyes searching her face for displeasure. "It's better."

A brief kiss to the tip of her nose was her reward and then a broad smile. Turning his head, he looked out at their friends gathered around, sharing in the joy of the occasion and if possible his heart grew even fuller. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

"Are ya happy?"

"Of course I am, Sully. Why would you ask me that?"

"I know ya wanted to make things better with Josef before we got married. I know that it meant a lot to ya to have Elizabeth and him here."

"Hey," Michaela said sharply to get his attention. Sully met her eyes and found the intensity of her gaze mesmerizing. "I don't regret one thing about today. Remember, we are going forward and not looking back. We have our own family now. You are the only family I need."

Sully felt her hands grip him tighter as she spoke and he swallowed hard against the tide of rising emotion. "To hear you say that…." Sully's voice faded out, too much emotion for him to continue.

"It was always true – I only got lost in the dark for awhile. But you found me."

Sully nodded. "And I always will."

_

* * *

__After some agonizing over this chapter, I am finally satisfied enough to post it. I can't believe I am at 100 – but I am tickled at the same time. I really want to thank all of you who have been reading and who have stuck with me so far. The mysteries that we have only seen snips of will start to reveal themselves now as we race forward to the heart warming end. Thank you all very very much for your support!!!! _


	101. Chapter 101

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and One**

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado – February 20, 1857**

From outside of the tent, she heard the arrival of a wagon, followed by the excited chatter of men as they rushed around. Michaela assumed it was the men they had sent to Denver returning and she rushed to put on her shoes, in case her assistance was needed. Stepping out of the tent, she saw Sarah standing off to the side her hands on her hips. She looked at Michaela with displeasure.

"Looks like the girls are here."

Michaela's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What girls?"

"The girls," Sarah repeated raising an eyebrow over towards the source of the commotion.

Michaela turned again to look and noticed a familiar face – the long-haired gentlemen from the stagecoach. His eyes met hers; the same amused smile perched on his lips and eyes that revealed his innermost thoughts. Lowering her head, she felt the warmth on her cheeks rise unsure why he solicited such a reaction in her from a mere glance. "I'm going to speak to Daniel."

"Michaela…" Sarah called after her but Michaela ignored her, afraid that she would try to dissuade her. Walking past the group of men calling out to the scantily clad women, she felt her ire rise. How could anyone stand by and watch women degrade themselves like this? Though she told herself to look away, she found her eyes running over the girls who now stood in the back of the wagon in low cut dresses as if displaying themselves for the customers. Most of them laughed and joked with the men but she couldn't help to think that their eyes looked sad, almost hopeless. Daniel emerged from the dining hall as Michaela approached and he smiled at her. In return, he received a scowl and instantly he knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Daniel, if I could speak with you." Michaela wasn't asking and Daniel knew better than to refuse. She walked past him into the dining hall which was empty since the wagon had arrived and Daniel followed her warily. "Why do you let them come here?"

Daniel looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet nervously, feeling a little ashamed. "Ain't really about letting them come."

"You own this camp and you're telling me you can't stop them."

Scratching his chin, Daniel considered how to answer her. "I can't make grown men behave themselves." He looked up, his calm eyes meeting her fiery ones.

Pointing in the direction of the wagon, she asked, "So you approve of this?"

"I didn't say I approved. There's a difference." Michaela folded her arms angrily across her chest and waited for him to continue. "These men are gonna do what they want. If the girls don't come to them – my men are gonna go off to find 'em."

"So keeping them close is better."

"I know ya ain't gonna understand this Michaela. I don't expect ya to – not when ya been raised up right without this kind of thing. My whole life I seen this kind of stuff – men gotta satisfy their itches." Michaela let out an angry breath, knowing there was little she could say to change the current situation but she still wasn't happy about it. "They'll be gone tomorrow, I promise."

Michaela shook her head in disgust but turned and walked out the door. With her head down, she headed over to the infirmary tent planning on looking in on the three patients that were still there. Yet before she could, the flap of the tent opened and Sully emerged, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning sun. He saw the wagon in the background and the anger on Michaela's face. Repressing a chuckle, he spoke. "Mornin'."

"Good morning," she returned, her voice softening at the sight of him.

"Where ya headed?"

"To check on you and my other patients." She made to move past him into the tent but Sully caught her about the waist pulling her back towards his chest.

"Everyone in there is fine. Why don't we go for a walk?"

"Sully," she chastised pulling away from him.

"What?"

"There are people watching us."

"So?"

"Sully!" A blush settled on her cheeks as she reprimanded him once more. Again, she tried to step into the tent but Sully caught her arm.

"Let's go for a walk – the sun's out, weather's mild. We shouldn't waste a day this beautiful."

"You hardly need to be going for a walk. Have you forgotten that we recently pulled you from a mine, severely dehydrated and injured?"

"No but I feel fine," Sully began and then dropped his voice down to a whisper. "And 'sides we ain't had one moment alone since ya arrived."

"I need to check on my patients and begin breaking down the infirmary since it's not needed anymore." Yet even as she argued against going, she knew in her heart that he would wear her down. "At least let me check on my patients."

"As long as ya hurry." Sully gave her a wink. "I'm gonna go eat some breakfast and then I'll be waiting here for ya."

Michaela smiled and nodded, finally entering the infirmary as Sully began to walk away.

From across the way, Hank Lawson observed the exchange with interest. Both he and Jake had readily come to the conclusion that she was Daniel's girl but now there seemed to be new evidence. Watching as Sully grabbed her about the waist, he had chuckled to himself. Yet it had been the way her face lit up when he smiled at her that had provided the true evidence. He knew the look of a woman in love and that was such a look. Tucking the scene away in his memory, he returned to the business at hand, not realizing how important this information would one day be.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

The smile on his face made her feel sick as she started to walk away. Hank chuckled to himself and took a step forward, halting her in her tracks.

"Ya think ya got everyone fooled but I know your dirty little secrets."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Abigail Bray, sweet and innocent, the apple of her father's eye. Ain't like that, is it?"

Abigail didn't speak but he could read the rising anger in her eyes. "And that poor sap marryin' ya cause he thinks ya were raped."

"I was raped!" she said adamantly, forgetting to blush appropriately at using such a word.

Hank snickered at her words, her venom not fazing him in the least. "Course Sully's got his secrets too."

These words made Abigail stand up a little straighter, though she tried to act uninterested. "Hank Lawson, leave us alone!"

"Don't ya wanna know about your future husband?"

"Sully doesn't have secrets – he's told me everything about his past."

"He ain't told ya everything."

Abigail stood still, carefully weighing her options. She turned her back to Hank prepared once again to leave the saloon but curiosity got the best of her and she unwillingly looked back at him.

* * *

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado – February 20, 1857**

Michaela felt rather wicked walking away from camp with Sully. It didn't help that several pairs of eyes watched them as they left. Thankfully, Sully recognized the shy look in her eyes and didn't try to take her hand in his until they were a safe distance away. Intertwining his fingers in hers, he felt his heart soar. She looked absolutely beautiful against the terrain and he couldn't help thinking that she belonged here.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"Daniel," she sighed.

"Should I be worried?" He chuckled as he asked and Michaela knew he was teasing her.

"Why does he let that man bring those girls here? Does he… I mean…with his past, I wouldn't think…" She let out a deep breath, her cheeks a brilliant red as she was unable to get out the words.

Sully stopped walking momentarily and turned to smile at her. "When ya gonna be able to tell me what you're thinking?"

Michaela pulled away, a grimace on her face. "There are some things a woman isn't supposed to talk about."

"Why?" Sully asked, generally intrigued. "Is it supposed to be some illusion for men – like ya don't know about this kind of stuff?"

Michaela laughed thinking about how ridiculous this sounded even though she knew it was true. "I suppose so."

"Well I know that ya know about that sort of thing so just say it. It ain't gonna bother me." If it was possible Michaela blushed even more as she dropped her head. Sully waited patiently amazed at how much Boston convention still gripped her and for a moment he grew worried. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable even if he thought it was rather silly. Stepping in, he pulled her close. "Whisper it in my ear."

Michaela thought the request strange at first but when she pressed her cheek to his and began to whisper she found the words came out much easier, feeling as if they weren't hanging in the air but rather transferred directly from her to Sully. "I can't help but to wonder why Daniel let's that man bring his girls here. I would think since his mother was like that, he would abhor it. Does he… does he participate?"

Michaela made to step away but Sully held her close and moved his head. She felt his warm breath stirring the baby fine hairs near her ear and she knew what he was doing. "He doesn't participate," Sully replied amusement obvious in his voice. "And he don't like it but I think he feels like there ain't no way around it. He can't make men behave themselves."

Michaela moved back and looked up at Sully. "That's the same thing Daniel said."

Sully raised his eyebrows at her, their gazes locked as he read the other fears in her eyes. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin there. "I don't participate either," he assured her.

"I know." She dropped her eyes demurely, reveling in the warmth of his palm. "I didn't think that."

"Good," Sully replied, leaning in to place a gentle kiss to her forehead. Michaela turned her head and kissed his palm, closing her eyes and thanking God that he was alive.

"Do you like it here?" he asked moving so that they could walk again.

"It's beautiful – so free and wild."

"Wait til I show ya our land. You're gonna love it." The gentle pressure she exerted on his hand grew harder. Sully looked at her questioningly and then realized she had only tensed. "Ya want to see our land, don't ya?"

"Of course, I do."

"But?" He could read her expression and knew something else was going on.

"Nothing," she said laughing it off. Inside her mind was running through all the adjustments she would have to make to life here. There were so many things she had never done before – practical things that would be necessary. Would she be able to survive? She had never considered herself coddled but standing here on the edge of nowhere she realized just how naïve she was.

Sully took her words at face value nonetheless as they walked along in silence holding hands. Sully enjoyed the warm sunshine and fresh air as well as Michaela's presence at his side.

"I still can't believe you're here," he said stopping once more to pull her close.

"I had to come. When I received the telegram from Daniel saying you were trapped. Oh Sully, I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to you." Michaela laid her head on his shoulder.

"Don't think about that anymore. I'm safe and that's all that matters."

"Please promise me you won't go back to mining," Michaela whispered knowing that Sully already planned to return.

"Michaela, we've already discussed this." Sully released her now and turned his back towards her. "I'm never gonna get enough money if I don't."

"Enough money for what?" Michaela asked knowing the answer.

"For you and me to start our life together. We agreed – you'd finish medical school and I'd work and save. Then we could be together." Sully turned back around to look at her.

"Sully I have the money Anna left me."

"You know how I feel about that," Sully said angrily.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Michaela shouted wondering how this peaceful walk had quickly gone so wrong. "There are things more important than money."

Michaela's words hit him right in the heart. She was right there were many things more important than money and the most important one was standing right in front of him. He stepped closer to her again. "Let's not talk about this," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "We ain't gonna settle it right now. And I want to enjoy this walk with ya."

"Okay," Michaela consented though she knew they were just avoiding the issue. Lightly he began to stroke her back. Michaela felt weak in the knees and wrapped her own arms around his torso.

"I love you," he whispered kissing the sides of her mouth.

"I love you too," she returned as her desire to feel his lips on hers overtook her. The first kiss was deep and passionate, days of suppressed grief building up into this crescendo. Once again, fears and doubts that haunted them both were pushed aside as they gave in to the desire to be close. While their touches were soothing, making them forget it was only a temporary solution that served to increase the growing insecurities. One day, they would both look back and regret that they didn't make each other talk. One day, they would hesitate to kiss and touch afraid that they were pushing aside the real issues. But today they were already lost in each other with the trees as their only witness.

* * *

**Boston – February 21, 1857**

The dark mahogany wood of the office reminded him of the dream he had for his own future, the one he hoped to share with his daughter. The waiting room was empty except for him and a receptionist. The tick of the clock so loud, he felt as if it was pounding in his brain. His mind wandered back and he remembered when he had sat in this office not that long ago, signing papers to make Sully his beneficiary. What had happened? What had changed that the boy he once considered a son was now his enemy?

For a brief moment, Josef felt bad about what he was planning to do but it passed as he reminded himself who he was doing it for. Yes blood was thicker than water and in the end what could he really know about a stranger they had taken in. All he had wanted was to give Sully a family, a real family for the first time in his life. Yet the boy had turned his back on that repeatedly and now he was taking away his daughter's life. The life he had fought so hard for her to have.

He was forced to act – Sully had forced his hand. It wasn't his fault. He had no choice. At least that is what he had told himself over and over as he contemplated his choices. Josef knew the mistake he had made last time, thinking that one fight would end their relationship. Now he would think broader as he realized a one time conversation wasn't going to change things between them. People needed to be enlisted – plans made. Yet the first step was securing things.

As if on cue, the office door to the left opened and Mr. Jacobs stepped out. "Dr. Quinn, it's so nice to see you today. How is your lovely family?"

"Wonderful," he said standing and shaking hands with the young lawyer.

"I believe my mother was saying that she had tea with your wife just the other day."

"Wouldn't be surprised," Josef replied giving him a hearty pat on the back.

"Well come in, come into the office and have a seat." Mr. Jacobs retreated behind the desk and Josef sat in the chair in front, his fingers running nervously over the upholstered arms. "What can I do for you today?"

"As you are aware your firm handles my daughter's estate as well as my own."

Mr. Jacobs nodded and indicted the files before him. "I have both estates right here."

"Good." Josef relaxed somewhat, reminding himself that he needed to calm down and make this seem natural. He wasn't positive they would do what he asked. "My daughter is currently in medical school and while she needs certain sums withdrawn for expenses, I am worried that she will not manage the money well."

Mr. Jacobs nodded sympathetically. "I understand your concern Dr. Quinn. I actually thought about contacting you as she requested a sum to be wired to her two weeks ago but with the way the account is set up, my superior assured me it was fine."

"Don't worry Mr. Jacobs. I am not concerned about that." Though Josef had made a mental note to find out what Michaela had needed the money for. "I am here about the future."

"If you'd like to change the account, that wouldn't be a problem. We could arrange it so that all withdrawals over a certain amount had to be approved by you?"

"That would be the perfect arrangement I believe." Resting his elbows on the chair, he brought his fingertips together under his chin. "Yes… just perfect."

"I can take care of that for you today. I'll have the proper forms delivered to the bank, everything will be squared away. Is there something you wanted to do with your own estate?"

"There is. Right now the heir of my estate is a Mr. Byron Sully."

Mr. Jacobs opened the file before him and looked over the papers. "Yes, it says here that the estate will be held by your wife and at her death will pass to Byron Sully, though until he is twenty-five that money will be held in trust."

Josef had thought long and hard about how to modify his own estate. His first thought had been to disinherit Sully completely but then Josef realized that money could be a powerful tempter. Knowing he couldn't walk in and amend his will to read that Sully only inherited if he agreed to stay away from his daughter, he had come up with something that he thought was rather clever. "I'd like to amend that if I could. I know it may sound strange but I'd like for him only to be able to inherit if he remains single. Is that possible?"

"It's your money Dr. Quinn - whatever you wish."

"Thank you, Mr. Jacobs. Thank you." Josef leaned back in the chair and smiled to himself watching Mr. Jacobs making some notes on the documents. Yes, this was going to work- it was going to work perfectly.

* * *

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado**

Sarah blushed as Daniel walked around the wagon and held his hands up to assist her in getting down. Gracefully she jumped to the ground, Daniel's hands firm around her waist. Letting his hands linger there for a moment, they exchanged a brief look, their eyes each holding the beginning fires of love. "Thanks for accompanying me to town," he said quietly, taking a step backwards.

"Thanks for askin' me to go. I'll help ya unload."

"I can get some of the men," he began but Sarah had already stepped to the back. Daniel moved behind her and put his hand over her arm. "Don't," he said. "I got men who can do this. 'Sides I wanted to ask if ya would take a walk with me."

"A walk?" Sarah asked nervously. "I don't know. I should see if Michaela needs my help."

"Come on. Michaela's got Sully workin' I'm sure and we aren't gonna be gone for that long. Just down to the water with me." Sarah nodded her consent finally, though deep down she wasn't really sure it was a good idea. They walked along in silence for most of the way, each lost in their own thoughts. Daniel was screwing up the courage to speak while Sarah was reminding herself not to get involved with him as it would only lead to heartbreak.

Daniel stopped her near the river's edge just as she was about to turn around. "No, not yet," he whispered and moved over to a rock and patted the area next to him. Sarah's mouth pulled down at the corners but she joined him, sliding away from him as soon as she was seated.

"I know this is gonna sound crazy cause we just met and all." Rubbing his hands together, he took a deep breath trying to still his nerves before continuing. "I like you Sarah…. I like you a lot. In the past, I've kind of made a mess of things by lettin' my feelins run away with me so I wanna do this right. Do ya have a beau?"

"No," she whispered, pressing her lips tightly together. Her heartbeat was so loud within her chest that it threatened to drown out Daniel's nervous voice. The palms of her hands were sweaty and she couldn't decide if her nerves had more to do with what he might say or what she might be expected to say in return.

"Good," Daniel smiled. "I'd like to court ya then – if it would be okay with ya. And I'll even ask your father's permission if ya like. I know that's how they do it in Boston."

"My father wouldn't care anyway," she replied listlessly, her mind skipping to the hurt that still stung her heart.

"I'm sorry," Daniel offered covering her hand with his own. For a moment, Sarah relaxed and briefly enjoyed the warmth of his fingers but his voice brought her quickly back to reality. "I think I'm falling in love with ya Sarah."

The silence roared in his ears, his heart beating faster and faster as he waited for her lips to move, to respond to his heartfelt words. "Please say something," he finally whispered. "Anything…. I can take it, if you don't feel the same but please tell me."

She hesitated, her lips pressed tightly together as she considered how to phrase her words. "I don't know what to say." Daniel picked up her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, encouraging her to try. "I never had anyone say something like that to me before."

"Now that's hard to believe – you're so beautiful and full of life."

"And half black and half white."

"So?"

Sarah pulled her hand away and stood, walking a short distance away. He could tell she had grown agitated and he wasn't sure if it had to simply do with nerves or something much more. "Ya saw the way people looked at me when we went into Soda Springs today. They're gonna look at ya that same way too."

"I don't care what people think."

"Ya will someday."

"How can you say that? It isn't true… I mean what I said Sarah – I'm falling in love with you. I want you to stay on in Colorado. I want to court ya proper. And if people give me a hard time, I'll shut them up. I ain't gonna let anyone hurt ya."

Sarah felt her heart melting at his words but visions of her father continued to dance in her mind. Could she really trust words that had let her down so many times before?

"What is it?" Daniel asked as he rose and went to her. Laying a hand on her shoulder, he tried to be comforting but he could feel her tense under his fingertips.

"Don't," she said brushing his hand away.

"Sarah?"

"Daniel, I can't be with you. It's hard to explain."

"I want to understand, please try to tell me." His voice was imploring and though she wanted to run back to camp and hide from the flurry of emotions she was experiencing, she found she couldn't move.

"I don't trust people. I've seen what they do to each other – to me. Men especially. 'Bout the only men I trust is Sully and John back in Maryland. I can't just hear your words and trust that they are true."

"But you trust Sully?" Daniel asked his face ashen with disappointment.

"Sully understands me – we're alike."

Sarah hadn't realized the way her words sounded – nor the impact that they made on Daniel. He nodded and stepped away from her trying not to let his disappointment show; the loss of a second woman to Sully hitting him harder than he expected. He wanted to point out the obvious to her – that Sully had a fiancé but his own pride restrained him. Was it possible that she didn't know about Sully and Michaela's marriage plans? "Well at least I know now," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. Daniel turned quickly and began walking back towards the path through the trees, not bothering to wait for Sarah.

**

* * *

****Cripple Creek Mine – February 22, 1857**

"She missed her exams to come to Colorado? Are we talkin' about the same Michaela Quinn?" he asked through laughter.

"Sully, she gave up the whole semester to come."

This caught his attention and he turned his head so that Sarah wouldn't see the emotion on his face. "She shouldn't have done that," he whispered.

Sarah shifted restlessly on the wagon seat and stretched her arms. "What did ya expect her to do? It wasn't like she could stay in Philadelphia and just wait for word. 'Sides she would have failed exams anyway, as upset as she was about you."

Michaela, while expressing how grateful she was that he was alive, hadn't told him how hard things had been on her once she found out. "What do ya mean?"

"She was dreaming about ya callin' for her. I couldn't get her to eat or sleep. Tell ya the truth it's a wonder she ain't sick."

"She dreamed about me calling to her?"

"Sure did. Michaela says she had the first one before she even knew you were trapped in the mine." Sarah raised her eyebrows doubting as she said it but Sully knew it was true. Somehow when they needed each other, they could sense it no matter what distance separated them.

"Your trip here, was it hard?"

"Not really – uncomfortable bein' in the stage for so long but we're tough." She flexed her arms as she said it and Sully laughed shaking his head. "Think Michaela was expectin' Colorado Springs to be a little bigger. Kinda stunned us both when we got off the stage."

Sully frowned, remembering how she had tensed the other day at his mention of their home being here. He grew pensive thinking about the plans he had for their future, worrying that maybe he had ignored her wishes and insisted on his own. When he spoke again his voice was quiet, the earlier enthusiasm gone. "Do ya think Michaela will mind bein' so far away from what she's used to?"

"No," Sarah answered sensing that something had rattled him. "She's just gotta get used to it, that's all. Her life's gonna be real different here."

For the first time it occurred to Sully that Michaela would be giving up everything to follow him here. Not only her family but her home, servants, luxury….. It would be a whole new world for her in Colorado and they had never really talked about it. Resolving that they would discuss it before she left for the east, Sully urged the horses on as they started up the incline. Gently he pulled back on the reigns, stopping in front of the staked off area.

Sarah looked around, her eyes wide. "This is where you're gonna live?"

This statement brought a smile to Sully's face. "Sure is." He walked around the wagon and gave Sarah his hand to help her descend. "I can't thank ya enough for helpin' me do this….. I really want to do somethin' nice for Michaela after all she's done for me and the other guys. I know Daniel appreciates her help."

"I certainly don't mind helpin' but Sully ya know how Michaela gets. Is she gonna be mad that we went off alone?"

Sully laughed. "Probably at first but she'll get over it and then feel stupid for being mad in the first place."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders, still unsure that this was the best way to handle things. "If you say so…"

* * *

The sun was at their back as they rode into camp. The smells of dinner cooking filled the air as men milled about enjoying the last day off before work in the mine would resume. Sully jumped down as Daniel approached them from the other side. He looked up at Sarah tentatively and offered her his hand. She took it long enough to jump down and then she pulled it away, keeping her eyes down as she moved away. "If Michaela's in your tent, tell her I'm gonna wash up then pick her up for dinner." He laughed at his own joke, thinking how unromantic walking across the mining camp to eat dinner with a bunch of smelly men was.

Sarah gave a nod of her head but never turned around, for fear Daniel might say something as well. Quickly, she ducked into the tent, pulling the hair tie loose as she felt a headache coming on. Michaela sat on her bed, a medical journal in her hand. She looked up at Sarah, her face expressionless. Setting down the journal beside her, she began to speak. "Have a nice day?"

"Wasn't bad." Sarah could already feel that this conversation was going downhill and it had only just begun. She waited for Michaela to say something else as she crossed to the wash bowl and poured in some fresh water. "Oh, I was supposed to tell ya that Sully is gonna wash up and then pick ya up for dinner." Trying to keep things lighthearted she forced a laugh at the end before bending low to splash her face with water.

Michaela had been fuming for the last hour or so. She knew better than to let her mind wander into speculation and assumptions. Sully would never do anything to hurt her but after her conversation with Daniel this afternoon, she had her doubts about Sarah. "I talked to Daniel this afternoon," Michaela said plainly, trying to keep her voice level.

"Oh," Sarah said reaching for a towel to dry off her face. "What did ya talk about?"

"He's a little confused by what happened last night and to tell you the truth I think I am as well."

Sarah crossed back to her cot and perched herself on the end, looking down to examine her fingernails. "Confused about what?"

"About you telling Daniel that Sully's the only man you've ever trusted. I thought you liked Daniel?"

"I do but it ain't gonna work."

"Why?"

Sarah laid back and covered her eyes with her arm. "Can we talk 'bout this later? I have a headache."

"Why don't you just come out and say it?"

Sarah turned on her side, hearing the angry turn Michaela's voice had taken.

"Say what?"

"That you care for Sully." Michaela stared straight at her confrontationally and Sarah began to wish she had listened to her gut instinct and stayed in camp this afternoon.

"I don't care for Sully like ya do it that's what you're gettin' at. I think about him like a brother – ya know that."

"Then why did you tell Daniel all that you're the same – about how he's the only one you can talk to."

"Michaela, you're being ridiculous," Sarah intoned, her voice riddled with bitterness. "I ain't interested in Sully."

"Then where were you two all afternoon?"

Sarah shook her head, knowing Sully didn't want her to ruin the surprise but unsure how to quell Michaela's suspicions. "Why are ya so suspicious of me? I thought we were friends."

"I thought we were as well."

Sarah stood and crossed to her, laying her hand on Michaela's shoulder. Softening her tone considerably, she said, "We are friends and I would never do that to you."

"Don't." Michaela pushed her hand to the side. "I'm not blind – I know what's going on."

"And what do you think is going on?" Sully asked stepping into the room.

* * *

_eek... I can't believe how close the break up is... thank you all so very much for reading and for all your comments. It is so appreciated!!!_


	102. Chapter 102

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Two**

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado – February 21, 1857**

At the sound of Sully's voice, Michaela looked past Sarah to him. There was a look of amusement in his eyes and it made her furious. "Wipe that smirk off your face," she exclaimed unleashing her anger on him instead of on Sarah.

"Michaela." His voice was forceful and he stepped quickly forward making her look directly at him. "It isn't what you think – I have a surprise for you and Sarah was helping me get it ready."

Michaela's brow wrinkled in consternation as it occurred to her that Sully was just as naïve as she was about Sarah. "You don't have a clue, do you?"

Sully gave a slight shrug of his shoulders and then turned to look at Sarah questioningly. "About what?"

No one spoke for a minute only serving to make things tenser than they already were. Sully looked again from Sarah to Michaela, waiting for someone to tell him what was going on. It was Sarah who finally broke the silence, his eyes fixed on Michaela. "She thinks I'm in love with you."

"What?"

"So you're denying it?" Michaela asked moving past Sully.

"I never said that to Daniel."

"Oh right, pardon me. You said that the only man you trusted was Sully because the two of you were alike. That you understood each other."

It was only now that Sully realized what had transpired and in an effort to assure Michaela that he had no feelings for Sarah, he stepped closer to her, placing his hand in the small of her back.

"I did say that," Sarah whispered. "That's how I feel about Sully." She raised her eyes as she spoke, realizing that the thing she had been avoiding for so long had happened. In a weak moment, she had spoken her heart and there was no way to take it back. The confusion that always filled her mind when her thoughts turned to Sully took hold and she raised her fingers to her temples feeling the pounding in her head. Looking up at Michaela, she noticed how Sully had moved closer and a tear slipped down her cheek. "I know the way ya two feel about each other so what would it matter even if I did have feelings." Her words came out haltingly, each syllable drawn out in such a way that the impact of her words was felt instantly. Her eyes looked at Sully and then at Michaela. "I would never try to come between the two of ya – ya have to believe that."

Michaela felt angry and sorry for her all at the same time, unsure exactly what she was admitting. "I… I need…" She shook her head and balled her fists at her side, moving quickly out of the tent, knowing that if she stayed she would regret it. Sully looked down at Sarah who was now truly crying. Torn between trying to offer her some comfort and running after Michaela, he knew how it would look if he stayed. Brushing past Sarah, he made for the tent flap, emerging into the setting sunlight. Daniel still stood awkwardly a few feet away and Sully made for him quickly.

"I think Sarah could use ya," he whispered not wanting anyone to hear his words. Daniel looked at him unconvinced that Sarah wanted or needed him. Sully hesitated to explain, his eyes roaming the camp for a sign of Michaela. She had made it across the clearing and stood on the edge of the woods taking a tentative step forward. "Sarah's real upset and she could use a friend," he said quickly and then tore across the clearing without looking back. As much as he wanted to ensure that Daniel went to her, he knew his priority lay elsewhere.

* * *

Daniel approached the flap of the tent cautiously, unsure whether he should intrude or not. It was only when he heard the soft weeping on the other side that he moved closer. The thought that Sarah was crying stirred his heart and he slipped inside to find her prostrate on a cot, her head buried in a pillow. Her sobs drowned out his footsteps so that when he laid his hand on her back, she tensed not knowing anyone was still around. When her head turned and she saw who it was, she froze as a mixture of emotions flashed inside of her.

How had things become so confusing? As much as she had repressed the feelings inside of her, they had leaked out at the most inopportune time, hurting two of the people she loved most in the world. Not only that but she had most likely ruined her chance of ever having a relationship with the guy who now stood over her and who had already begun to fill the space she normally reserved for Sully. She sat up stiffly, her eyes downcast as Daniel made to sit beside her. "Sully said ya could use a friend."

She nodded weakly and sniffled, then instantly buried her face in her hands hiding her face once again. Daniel didn't want her to feel uncomfortable but his desire to take away her pain was greater. Tenderly, he stroked her back hoping to subdue the emotion that was coursing through her body. "I'm sorry," he whispered, remembering the sting of realizing your dreams would never come true. It hadn't been that long ago, the visions of Michaela had infected and poisoned him making him wish for her even after he found out she was Sully's.

"I never meant for this to happen," she whispered drawing her legs up so that she could rest her head against her knees. "I never wanted to come between them. I love them both so much – but I can't help the way I feel sometimes." Daniel sympathized with her, knowing how hard it had been for him to even think about facing Michaela again. "It's just that he's the first man to ever really talk to me – to listen to me. But Michaela's my best friend and this is wrong." As if trying to punish herself, she banged her head against her knees but Daniel stopped her.

"It isn't wrong – we can't always control what our heart's gonna do. Sometimes it lies even to its owner."

Sarah looked up, strangely warmed by his words as she realized he really did understand. "Yes," she whispered. "The first time I felt that way, I didn't want it to be true. It was like I was outside of my body unable to stop the way my heart raced when he came close. When I was awake, I made myself not think about him but at night my dreams were uncontrollable. I never thought that we would be together…I never wished that he would leave Michaela."

"I understand," Daniel assured as he turned to face her, his hand still on her back.

The kindness in his eyes made her relax and she reached for his other hand grasping it tightly. "When I said those things yesterday…." Her voice died as she tried hard to explain her feelings, afraid that it would sound silly now that he had glimpsed a small piece of her heart. His thumb lightly brushed the back of her hand encouraging her words. Looking up at him, she let go of fear and everything rushed at her making sense in ways it never had before. "It was safe to love him." Her words tumbled out now as if the river of her thoughts surged over the damn she had placed in front of them. "He was unattainable and it was easier than feeling lonely. Sometimes dreams can keep you warm."

"But you always wake up from them." Daniel spoke from deep inside, emotion obvious in his voice.

"Yesterday when ya said ya were fallin' in love with me… that scared me." Raising her eyes to his, she continued praying that she hadn't ruined everything.

"Why?"

"It's hard for me to let people in. It's just always been easier to keep 'em at arm's length." She grew nervous again, frightened once more that her words would be taken the wrong way. "Is any of this making sense?"

"Michaela told me about your father. I'm very sorry that he did that to ya. Ya deserve much more than that." He hesitated seeing the look of surprise on her face. "I know it takes time to let things go…. To trust… but I'll wait," he whispered meaning every word he said. "I know I'm not Sully…."

"I don't want Sully," she tried to reassure him. "It's hard to explain… he was a dream…but it's time for me to wake up."

Daniel wasn't sure how to take her words but he smiled regardless. "Is that a good thing?"

"Yes," she returned the edges of her lips curling into a tiny smile. "A very good thing."

* * *

Sully ran until he could see her petite frame, set off against the trees by the light blue of her dress. He stopped and calmed himself, choosing his words before he upset her more than she already was. Soundlessly he closed the distance between them, laying a gentle hand on her back as he whispered her name. "Michaela."

Without even looking at him, she turned and threw herself against his chest clinging to his back. "I'm not upset with you Sully." Her voice was soft, soothing every rumpled nerve in his body. Surprisingly she wasn't crying but he could feel her shaking with the intensity of the moment and he wrapped his arms around her, laying his head on top of hers.

"I didn't know she felt that way."

Michaela squeezed her eyes closed tightly, wishing away everything that had occurred that afternoon. Sarah was the first girl who had ever truly been friends with her. She had told her things about herself that no one except for Sully knew and now it felt as if all of that had been betrayed. Still the thought of Sarah crying, lingered in her mind and she imagined what it would be like to love Sully and know that love could never be returned. "It must be horrible for her," she said stilling herself in his arms but still not looking up at him. "I don't know what I would do if you didn't want me."

As Michaela said the words, he imagined if it was true for himself and he was struck by the same desperate feeling- a feeling that started in the pit of his stomach and wormed its way up inside his heart. "I do want you," he whispered and she could hear the same touch of desperation in his voice that resonated in her own mind. Tilting his head, he kissed the part in her hair, leaving his lips pressed against the spot as Michaela shifted slightly in his arms.

"I want to be angry with her."

"Ain't no reason to be," he assured her. "She's never tried to come between us. She was just honest that's all."

"But you can control your feelings. If you know someone's married, you don't think about them like that."

Pulling back, Sully considered her words carefully. "Do you really believe that Michaela?" He reached down for her hands, grasping them tightly in his. As he looked up, his eyes caught hers and he knew she was really thinking about what he had asked.

After a moment, she answered, her voice soft and weak. "I don't know."

"What about Paul and Marjorie?"

"Marjorie didn't know he was married though."

Sully looked a little frustrated at her reply and he thought for another moment. "What if we met later… what if I was already married… you wouldn't feel anything for me?"

Michaela dropped her eyes to the ground, trying hard to imagine that situation. It was a reasonable question but how could she answer it? Sully had been such a big part of her life that it was almost impossible to imagine what it would be like without him. While she couldn't deny that they had a special connection, she did question if that connection had more to do with the time they had been together rather than anything about the two of them.

Sully grew impatient with waiting for her to respond, yet as he spoke his words were still soft and gentle not revealing the edge he felt at her hesitance. "I knew the first time I looked in your eyes that you were different Michaela – that I needed something about you. I believe I would know that no matter when I had met you even if you were married to someone else."

Michaela looked up touched by his words but still trying to work everything out inside her head. "What would you do then?"

"Go away… far away and try not to think about you."

"But Sarah didn't. She didn't have to come with me to Colorado. I thought she did it because she cared about me but…" As she said the words, the truth of them hit her and she crumpled in on herself thinking their friendship was a lie.

"She did," Sully whispered trying to reassure her but feeling like he was fighting a losing battle.

"You can't know that."

"I know that she loves you and you know that too." He let go of her left hand and brought his finger up under her chin to lift her eyes to his. "You know that she loves you, Michaela. This doesn't change the fact that she is your friend or that she needs a friend."

Michaela pulled away though, turning her back on Sully. "How can I know anything? I don't want to doubt what you're saying but each incident, each circumstance is playing through my head." Her face twisted in horror. "Oh God, I insisted you stay with her in Maryland."

Sully moved to her again, wondering how he was going to help her move past this. While he was having his own thoughts about what it would be like to see Sarah after such an intimate admission. Placing one hand around her waist, he pulled her back to his chest, leaning his head down on top of hers. "Don't beat yourself up Michaela. We didn't know. I invited her with me today…. If I had known… I suppose unknowingly I have been encouraging her feelings." He felt Michaela shiver at his statement but he continued to hold onto her and was relieved that she didn't pull away.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1860**

After trying all afternoon to find this place, she finally stumbled upon it wondering if luck had brought her here or fate. After overhearing the conversation in the mercantile, she had to come. When Abby had offered to show her the house that Sully had built for them, Michaela had felt her stomach lurch. She had wanted to scream that it was her house – Sully had built it for her but she knew there was no need. That was a different lifetime, one that she was no longer a part of. When they come up on the small wooden structure tucked behind a bend in the road, Michaela had been surprised. Sully had built a house for them – a different house on a different piece of property. Her heart had rejoiced at first. She wasn't sure how she would handle standing with Abby in a kitchen that was supposed to be her kitchen or sitting beside a fireplace that should have been her fireplace. Yet the worst would have been standing in a bedroom that she knew was meant for them, and now they would never share it.

Something inside of her had snapped then, memories rushing back as she thought about the last time she had seen what would become their homestead. The stakes in the ground marking off the foundation, the trees that Sully had spent his one free day a week uprooting. Knowing he had done more on it after she had returned east, curiosity got the better of her and she longed to see the place – to know what had become of it. Out of the midst of trees, the structure rose and Michaela's heart sank.

Taking a deep breath, she had leaned against a nearby tree, all of the feelings she had been repressing getting the better of her. The love that she felt for Sully reclaiming her heart, ripping at it with jagged claws and leaving shreds behind. He was marrying another woman. When she looked into his eyes, she still felt it - she still needed him as much as ever but he wasn't hers any longer. Turning away from the structure, she threw her shoulders back, the memory of a conversation from long ago returning to her. "I would go away far away," he had said. She could do that. She would return to Boston, all the way on the other side of the country. He hated Boston- he would never come there again. The second part came to her now as her memory continued to think back – "And try not to think about you." That was the part she wasn't sure she could manage but she would try – she had to try.

* * *

**February 22, 1857**

Michaela dreaded going back and facing Sarah but she knew that it was inevitable. As she and Sully had returned, she had drug her feet each step of the way, unsure if she could talk to Sarah let alone look at her. Yet to Michaela's surprise, Sarah was nowhere to be found. When she and Sully ate dinner, there was no sign of her. When she had forced herself to go to her tent, only the crumpled blanket remained. Even as she sat up late into the evening talking with Sully, Sarah had not shown up. Of course, Sully also pointed out that Daniel was missing as well and he insisted that they were together.

It was with a heavy heart that Michaela had retired to bed. As much as she dreaded facing Sarah, in same ways it would be better just to get it over with. She had lain awake for hours waiting for her to come back, yet when she had returned, Michaela pretended to be asleep.

Sarah dropped off quickly but sleep did not come easy for Michaela and she rose early seeing no sense in lying in bed any longer. Sully was surprised to see her up and about already but was delighted at the same time because this meant they could leave earlier than he had anticipated.

After eating a quick breakfast, Sully readied the wagon with the things he would need for the day and set off with Michaela by his side. The day was mild as the previous days had been but Michaela snuggled close to Sully anyway, her mind still back at camp as they rode along.

"Ya talk to Sarah last night?" Sully asked breaking the silence first.

Michaela's eyes were already focused on her lap and she did not lift her head as she answered. "No."

"They came in pretty late. Ya were probably already asleep." Michaela didn't say anything, not wanting to admit she had been awake at the time. Sully waited patiently for her to speak, sighing loudly when she didn't. "Ya have to talk to her sometime."

"I know," Michaela said defensively, moving over a little on the seat so that she wasn't as close to Sully anymore.

Sully shook his head feeling the cold settle between them. He looked over at her but she had turned her head as if she was looking at the scenery. Facing back towards the front, he urged the horses on, hoping the sight of their future homestead would put her in a better mood as there was much they needed to discuss. In fact, Michaela did relax the more they rode along. She tried to imagine what it would be like to live in this place with trees as far as the eye could see and the mountains peeks jutting up in the background. Forgetting her self imposed silence, she turned towards Sully. "So that's Pike's Peak?"

"Sure is. Daniel and I keep sayin' we're gonna climb to the top one day."

"That would be exhilarating," Michaela replied. "Looking down on the earth from so far up. You would feel like you were God." Sully chuckled at her which had the effect of lightening her mood further. "Would you take me one day?"

"Sure – if ya wanted to go."

Michaela smiled at the peak and hummed a little melody to herself, thinking of how she would call this home. Sully brought the horses to a halt and pulled a blue bandana out of his pocket before turning to her. "Almost there," he whispered near her ear.

"Then why did you stop?" Her voice was full of happiness and it made Sully smile.

"Cause I want to blindfold ya."

Michaela turned quickly to protest but something in his eyes made her give in. "Alright," she said. Sully slipped the bandana over her eyes and Michaela held it in place for him as he tied it in the back, being mindful of her hair.

"How's that?"

"Good."

"Can't see anything?"

"No," she laughed.

"Are ya sure?"

"Sully…"

Sully chuckled as he placed a sweet kiss to the side of her head before calling to the horses and flicking them with the reigns to start up the slight incline. Michaela felt anxious inside but excited as well. She leaned into Sully as they started their descent and gripped him when she felt the horses begin to slow. He moved away from her, jumping down from the wagon. "Sit tight… I'll be right back for ya."

Michaela nodded but felt uneasy. It was odd not being able to see anything and it made her jumpy. With her eyes covered, she found that her hearing was keen and she sat still listening to the sounds that surrounded her. Sully was unloading something from the back of the wagon, she could tell but it was the other sounds that rather intrigued her – the wind whistling through the trees, the call of a bird up in the sky, the rustling of something that sounded like tall grass. All together they created a background melody that seemed to whisper to her, rocking her gently with its soft rhythm. When Sully came for her, placing one hand on her knee she jumped, startled out of her enchantment.

"Ready?" he asked and Michaela nodded grasping his hand as she stood and leaned over. Sully grabbed her about the waist and lifted her down before carefully leading her around the horses. He reached up and undid the blindfold, watching Michaela's face for her initial reaction.

Her mouth fell open as she took in the view that surrounded her. She wrapped her arms around Sully's waist pulling herself flush against his chest. "I've never seen anything more beautiful," she whispered. Sully felt his spirit soar at her words. "How much of it is ours?"

"A lot," he returned. "There are boundary markers – can't see them from here."

Raising her head, she met his eyes. "And where will our house be?"

Sully laughed and turned her around, taking joy in the gasp that left her mouth. There before her staked out was the outline of what she could only assume was their future home. Here and there were places where Sully had dug up trees- clearing the lot to build. "It'll have an upstairs and downstairs. Downstairs there will be a big kitchen and then a large sitting room with a fireplace."

Michaela looked up at him noticing that he was sort of trancelike as he talked about it. "The kitchen doesn't need to be too big," she joked trying to make light of her own fears.

Sully didn't catch on right away. "Why?"

"I don't really cook," she said shyly dropping her eyes again.

Sully laughed it off, still not understanding that this was a real concern for Michaela. Undeterred he continued, pointing animatedly with his hands at the imaginary structure in front of them. "And then the upstairs is gonna have all the bedrooms."

"How many bedrooms is all?"

"I thought maybe four – do ya think that's enough?" He looked down at her as he spoke, quite serious with his question.

"Four?" She blushed as she thought about his insinuation.

Sully placed his arms back around her. "Well I'm planning on sharing a room with ya but I thought the other three for the babies." The thought of babies made Michaela happy and panicky all at once. She knew she wanted children with Sully but now that the future loomed in front of them, she couldn't help but feel ill prepared. "Do ya think that's enough?"

Michaela laughed. "How many babies are you expecting?"

With a twinkle in his eye, he leaned down and kissed her. "A bunch." He pulled her against him tightly as he said it, squeezing her a little too hard. Michaela felt trapped by his arms and his words in a way she never had before.

"Sully, that's too tight," she said wiggling away from him.

"I'm sorry." He immediately let go, his face ashen that he had hurt her.

Michaela stepped away from him when he let go, turning to face the staked off area. In her mind, she too could see the house rising up before her but with babies and toddlers crawling up and down the steps crying – crying for her. And off to the side there were patients, waiting to be seen by her but she couldn't because she had to hold the babies.

"Michaela? You alright?"

"What if I can't do this?" she whispered, letting her fears come to the surface.

"Can't do what?"

"Take care of babies and be a doctor." She turned to face him, her eyes wide with something akin to fear. "I know how important children are to you, Sully."

"And I know how important bein' a doctor is to ya. Don't worry, Michaela – we'll make it work, somehow we'll make it work." Michaela gave him a weak smile which seemed to satisfy him as he was already turning and talking about a barn. Yet in her mind, the same horrifying vision was still playing out. Could she do this? What would the impact of a child be on a medical practice? What would the impact of a medical practice be on a child for that matter? It wasn't like they would need the money, she told herself. Maybe she could take a little time off when the baby was born but what about when she returned to work….

"Michaela, I packed us a lunch if you're hungry." Sully's voice made her turn and she tried hard to cover the worry that still crept into her mind but Sully saw right through it. "No frettin'. I promise ya we can make it work. I'll stay home with the babies if I have ta."

The thought of Sully staying at home made her giggle. "You would?"

"Why not?"

"Men don't do that," she pointed out, her face wrinkling in consternation as she spoke.

"Maybe they should." He grabbed her hand and pulled her on, unwilling to argue anymore.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon was a beautiful memory, that both would look back on fondly. Sarah had helped Sully move a table and chairs from the mining camp. From the tree branches hung pieces of white and red fabric falling around the table like a curtain. Sully said it was their belated Valentine's Day celebration. Michaela's earlier fears still lay right beneath the surface but neither brought them up nor did they discuss Sarah anymore. It was too pleasurable to simply be together, walking in the woods or sitting in the back of the wagon watching the sunset over their land. The last rays of the sun were sinking below the horizon as they headed back to camp and the air took on an unexpected chill. Gone was the easy pace of this morning's ride, replaced by a more urgent movement of the horses as all were anxious to return.

Neither spoke much on the ride home but the coldness between them seemed to be non-existent. Michaela leaned against him one arm tucked under his as they moved through the deepening dark. When the fires of the camp came into plain view, they both relaxed knowing they would soon be warming their fingers and toes. Michaela scrambled down quickly when Sully pulled the horses to a halt. "I'm going to put on something warmer," she called to Sully. "I'll be right back."

Michaela wasn't thinking about Sarah at that moment and so it came as a bit of a surprise when she opened the flap to see not only Sarah there but Daniel as well, huddled under a blanket on her cot. Daniel stood abruptly throwing off the blanket, obviously flustered by Michaela's sudden appearance. "I should go," he muttered reaching for his hat from the ground. With one final look at Sarah, he left them alone hoping that they would talk and make things right between them.

With a disapproving shake of her head, Michaela crossed to where her stuff was, pulling through bags to find another pair of wool socks.

"We gotta talk." Sarah waited, watching as Michaela sat on the edge of her cot, the socks in hand. "I want you to know that I'm sorry… things were just confused… very confused."

Michaela looked up with a furrowed brow. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"What was I supposed to say? Oh by the way, Michaela I think I'm spendin' too much time with your fiancé."

"I suppose you're right," she admitted still concentrating on removing her shoes to pull on the socks.

"I would have never come between the two of you." The words hung in the air waiting for Michaela to accept them.

"I know," she finally whispered. She looked up at Sarah, trying hard to think of a way to explain how she felt. "I want to be angry with you but I can't."

A look of relief crossed over Sarah's face and she gave her friend a weak smile. "Can we be friends again?"

"I want us to but I might need some time to put this behind us."

Sarah nodded in understanding, knowing that Michaela would have time, lots of time. "Well I won't be going back with ya," she said quickly, cringing as she waited for Michaela's reply.

"You aren't going back with me?"

"No, I want to stay here."

"In the mining camp?"

"Daniel has offered to hire me to help with the cooking."

"You can't stay here – it isn't right."

"What's not right about it?"

"It doesn't look right – one girl among all these men. What will people think?"

Sarah laughed. "Michaela we ain't all from Boston – nobody is gonna care that I stay out here."

"Ida would care," Michaela pointed out.

"True," Sarah replied with a smile. "Maybe I'll try to get a job and a room in Soda Springs instead but I'm gonna stay."

"Why?" Michaela asked, prepared to not believe her answer.

"Daniel's asked me to – he wants us to start courting."

"Wow – that's fast." Michaela pulled on her shoes and hastily began to do up the laces.

Sarah's face fell, hoping that Michaela would at least congratulate her. "Aren't ya happy for me?"

"Of course I am….it's so sudden that's all." She stood having replaced her shoes back on her feet and crossed to Sarah. "Congratulations," she forced herself to say, leaning over to hug her. Yet inside she was bottling up her emotions, wondering if there wasn't more behind Sarah wanting to stay.

_

* * *

Thanks for reading!!! Hope you enjoyed!!! Next chapter starts in 57 and ends in 58…. Yikes we are so close…_


	103. Chapter 103

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Three**

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado – February 24, 1857**

Sully marched across the mining camp purposefully, dreading what he was about to do but knowing that it needed to be done. The flap of Sarah and Michaela's tent opened and Daniel stepped out with Sarah right behind. This complicated matters a little but Sully didn't let it stop him. Increasing his pace, it was only moments before he stood in front of them, blocking their way.

"Daniel, I need to talk to ya."

"Can it wait?"

"I'm sorry – it can't." Sully expression was serious and Daniel wasn't sure to make of his demeanor.

Daniel turned and looked at Sarah who gave him a slight nod of her head. "Alright, Sully, let's talk." He gave Sarah's hand a quick squeeze before following after his friend, wondering what all this was about. Daniel hesitated as Sully passed the tent they shared and started down the path towards the river. "We gotta go out of camp?"

"I'd prefer it."

Reluctantly Daniel followed, looking back to see Sarah watching them. He couldn't help the sinking feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach as he wondered which one of them she was actually focused on. The late nights spent talking, the assurances that they were falling for each other - was it possibly they weren't real? The thoughts that he had managed to chase away by spending every spare moment with her, returned fourfold. His head was cast down and if Sully hadn't stopped him, he would have walked right into him. "So what is it?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Michaela told me that Sarah's stayin'." Daniel did not respond but merely kicked at a stone on the ground, keeping his eyes cast down. "She said you offered her a place here – helpin' cook for the men."

Daniel looked up, trying to chase away his previous thoughts. "I did."

"Ya think that's such a good idea?"

Daniel inhaled sharply and looked up at Sully with a furrowed brow. "I'm just tryin' to help her out, give her a place where she feels needed. Why?"

It was Sully's turn to divert his eyes, unsure if Daniel was ready to hear what he had to say. He had been practicing this conversation in his mind for the last few days but he still had a hard time getting it out. The fear of fighting with Daniel was strong but he knew he couldn't let things stay as they were. Raising one hand, he ran it through his hair and then pulled at his chin. "I don't think it's such a good idea that Sarah stays."

Daniel straightened his back, bristling at Sully's words. "Well ain't really your decision, is it?"

"You're right – it ain't my decision but I don't think you've really thought this through."

"Sully…" Daniel's voice was loud and abrasive alerting Sully that he had already pushed him to anger.

Trying to keep things calm, Sully put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Listen Daniel, I don't want us to fight about this but please just hear me out." Daniel swallowed hard and nodded, pressing his lips tightly together. "First off ya can't go bringing a girl into camp around all these men. They are vulgar and it ain't a place for a lady."

"Sarah didn't grow up like Michaela – she's used to things like this."

Sully shook his head and looked up into the branches of an overhead tree. "I might as well just say it," he muttered leaving Daniel confused as to what he was referring to. "After everything that's happened in the past few days, I can't stay here if she does."

Daniel's eyes widened at what he considered an ultimatum. "Why?"

"It ain't fair to her or to Michaela. I didn't know how she felt about me and whether or not she thinks she can just stop feelin' that way I know better." From this angle, he could see Daniel's neck was turning red and he knew that meant things were coming to a boiling point. "I know you both have feelings for each other but I can't believe things are that cut and dry."

Daniel knew he was right but he wasn't willing to admit it. "She isn't staying here because of you."

"I'm not sayin' she is – I'm just sayin' that it ain't a good idea for us to be around each other everyday."

"You have feelins for her?"

"Of course not! But I ain't gonna send my fiancé back across the country while I stay here with the girl who just admitted she has feelings for me."

"So I gotta choose between you and her, is that it?"

"Daniel, I ain't tryin' to make you choose between us. I'm just telllin' ya that if she stays here I can't. Sending her back home, don't mean you two can't still have a relationship. I know it ain't easy bein' apart but Michaela and I make it work."

"Yeah but Michaela's got something to go back to – Sarah doesn't. Ya can't expect me to send her away if she wants to stay. The world don't revolve around you Sully."

"You're right, it doesn't. I just wanted to tell ya what was gonna happen. I didn't want it to be a surprise when I left." He paused and looked over at Daniel hoping he would say something but wasn't surprised when he didn't. "Now ya know." With that he walked away, hoping that Daniel would really think through what he had said. He didn't want to leave but he was serious about not putting Michaela or Sarah through this awkward situation. Besides he wanted Michaela and Sarah to make up and he hoped that the train ride home would force them to talk to each other.

* * *

**Soda Springs – February 27, 1857**

Exactly three days later, a very tearful Sarah stood with Daniel in front of the general store in Soda Springs waiting for the stage coach. Sully wasn't sure how it had happened and Daniel never would tell him but she was leaving, returning east with Michaela. No one would have guessed that Sully and Michaela were actually the engaged couple for they stood sedately off to the side with clasped hands, both trying not to stare at the couple who were kissing and hugging a few feet away.

Michaela was going back to Philadelphia and she had no idea where Sarah was going. Truthfully she had been shocked when Sarah had packed her bags the night before and placed them with hers in the back of the wagon in preparation for the morning journey. Sarah purposefully stayed away from her so that even if she had wanted to talk with her, there wasn't much of an opportunity. She had thought long and hard about rebuilding their friendship in the past few days but Michaela couldn't simply pretend as if nothing had happened. She felt the change in herself and it wasn't pleasant. As if a wall had been built around her heart, she didn't even feel upset when she looked at Sarah anymore. There was no hurt, only blankness – a feeling she would come to despise. Turning to Sully, she stepped in front of him still holding his hand and reaching for the other one.

Sully looked down at her and became aware that she was troubled. Leaning his head against hers, he whispered, "Ya missin' me already?"

"Of course, amidst other things."

"Sarah?"

"Yes," she replied in a whisper.

Sully straightened up and let go of her hands in order to reach into his pocket. "I got something for ya."

Michaela truly smiled for the first time that day. "You do?"

"I do – I was sort trapped in a mine during someone's birthday."

The words made Michaela shudder and visions of Sully's injured body rushed to her mind. Sully noticed the dark cloud and quickly produced the present trying to chase it away. "Open it," he whispered placing the box in her open hand.

For a moment, she simply stared at the plain wooden box before her trying to erase the uneasy thoughts she was having. Sully gently prodded her again and she opened the box to find a small wood carving inside. She looked up into his eyes, the blue washing over her – giving her peace. "Did you make this?"

"Uh-huh." Michaela traced the outside curve before letting her fingers run over the more intricate work on the inside. A moon and a sun joined together in a circle – one side smooth while on the other side pointed rays of the sun jutted out at uneven intervals. The carving was excellent, each with distinct faces. Michaela knew it had taken him a long time to complete. "It's us," he whispered raising his hand to stroke the side of her cheek. "You're the sun – fiery and passionate, the light of my world." Resting his head against hers once again, he spoke so only she could hear. "I need your light just like the moon needs the sun's light."

Sully meant the gift to be romantic, sentimental – something she could place in her room in Philadelphia as a reminder of him. Though he had given a lot of thought about the symbolism of the moon reflecting the sun's light, he hadn't thought about just the opposite. Michaela did though and she couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to tell her something. "I need you too, Sully," she assured him giving his hand a tight squeeze.

In the time that Michaela had been in Colorado Springs, Sully and she had not communicated well. Often Sully missed the subtle hints that things were unsettled in her mind and Michaela had not voiced them, making her just as guilty for keeping things in limbo. Yet this time Sully sensed her worry, flowing through her straight to him and he wished that they were alone rather than in the middle of a town with people already staring due to Daniel and Sarah's behavior. "Michaela, look at how the sun's rays wrap around the moon on this side. She's holding him tight, not wanting to let him go."

Those words should have soothed her but they didn't. In her heart, she knew what he was trying to express but her mind was much harder to convince. Unasked questions and lingering doubts floated to the surface choking back the other emotions. Was their love for each other equal or had it always been Sully who gave more, who suffered more at her hands? She didn't know why Sarah was leaving but Michaela had a sneaking suspicion that Sully was behind it and that he had done it for her. Being at the mining camp had opened her eyes to what he subjected himself to day in and day out for the sake of their future. She made no such sacrifices, loving every minute of her time in Philadelphia despite missing him terribly. Did she use him? Was he simply something she held onto? No, that wasn't true she told herself – she needed him. She needed him for a million things yet at the instant that she craved one specific thing to cling to, she couldn't latch onto anything. "I love you," she whispered hoping he didn't hear the desperation in her voice.

Sully pulled her close holding her tightly even as she tensed in his arms. "Michaela you know you can tell me anything. What's bothering you?"

"There's not enough time..the stage." Her words were mumbled quickly and though Sully knew she was right he was almost willing to insist she stay a couple more days.

"Is this just about leaving or is it something more?"

"Leaving," she whispered wanting it to be true with all her heart. Quickly she justified her response in her head – she was tired, not thinking rationally and with all the emotion surrounding the whole trip it was understandable. "And I'm tired."

Sully laughed setting them both at ease. "You aren't used to all this, are you Michaela Quinn of Beacon Hill?"

"I suppose not." A faint smile played at her lips as she spoke, hoping that Sully's words and her previous thoughts were true.

"There's that smile – that's what I want to see." The stage approached in the background and they both heard the wheels bumping over the ruts in the road but neither wanted to let go. "I think your chariot approaches madam." He leaned in and planted a quick kiss to her lips before stepping back. "You be careful and telegram as soon as you get to St. Louis and as soon as you get to Philadelphia."

"I will," she replied wiping at the tears that now ran down her cheeks. As she turned to face the now halted stage, a crazy thought came to mind. It wasn't the first time nor would it be the last but this was the one and only time that she really truly considered it. Sully moved up beside her handing her bag to the driver so that he could hoist it on top with the others. He was surprised when Michaela turned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Sully should I stay?"

Sully's eyes grew wide with surprise, and he shook his head wondering if he had heard her question correctly. "What?"

"Am I wrong to want to be a doctor?"

"Michaela that's your dream – you wouldn't be my Michaela if that wasn't your dream."

It was in many ways, the nicest thing he had ever said to her. My Michaela. She repeated the words over and over again in her mind as he comfortingly patted her back. "Thank you," she whispered and then tilted her head back inviting his kiss once more. This one was not as quick nor did Michaela want it to be. The kiss was true and pure, all Michaela needed it to be as it temporarily assuaged all the worries and fears of the past few minutes. When they broke apart, she reached for his hand giving it one last squeeze before boarding the coach to leave.

* * *

If Sully had thought that a ride home with Sarah would force the two to talk and work out their problems, he couldn't have been more wrong. Michaela had tried to be cordial but Sarah would have none of it. Neither knew about the content of Sully's conversation with Daniel but Sarah did know they had talked and that after that talk Daniel had changed his mind about her staying. Sarah knew in her heart that it had been Michaela who had made Sully speak to Daniel and thus she placed on her shoulders the blame for her unhappiness.

Sarah spent the entire coach ride sulking, her eyes staring out at the landscape they passed and speaking as little words as she could to Michaela. Once they boarded a train bound for Philadelphia, Sarah sat in the same compartment but slept most of the wa not even taking her meals with Michaela. When they parted ways on a Philadelphia train platform, Sarah couldn't even look her in the eye. Of course if they had talked or tried to talk things might have been different. For part of Sarah's problem was that she still felt terribly guilty about having feelings for Sully at all. Unfortunately Sarah's behavior only confirmed to Michaela that they weren't meant to make up right away and she left her with a forced hug and a few hushed words of good-bye.

Spring broke early that year in the city of brotherly love and with Michaela out of school, she had time to enjoy the city and the things it had to offer. She spent large portions of her time at the library and found she was even able to volunteer at the local hospital as an aide. She found the abolitionist movement and the women's movement alive and well in the city and she attended lectures and was even asked to speak at a few of the meetings. She wrote Sully daily and longed for his letters in return, never letting herself dwell on those few minutes of doubts she had experienced when leaving Colorado. She spent more and more time with Miriam, letting her fill the void that Sarah left in her life.

It was in this easy fashion that spring passed and the days began to grow warmer and longer. She took her books to the park and read near the fountains. She wrote letters to Sully underneath an ancient oak tree with massive branches. As always she counted the days until she would see him again and though Christmas seemed a lifetime away, she knew with each passing day it grew closer. Miriam began to receive gentlemen callers and she insisted on setting Michaela up with friends of her suitors but Michaela always had a reason not to go. Several times young men had approached her in the park to begin a friendly conversation in hopes that a dinner invitation would not be refused but each time they were rebuffed.

It was only when packing her trunk to return to Boston for the summer that she found the sun and moon carving that Sully had made her. She had left it in her traveling bag because every time she looked at it, she recognized everything that was lacking in herself. Michaela knew that Sully had never intended to make her feel that way but she couldn't help it. It wasn't a matter of not loving him – she loved him desperately. Rather it was a question of whether that love was enough. During the train ride to Boston, she held the carving in her hand, making herself deal with the uncertainties that she found still plagued her. Finally, she came to the decision that she and Sully needed to talk – to get below the surface and truly share their fears with each other. She would write to him, tell him everything that clouded her mind and made her doubt that this could work.

The decision to tell him, to be honest about all she was feeling scared her because she worried that he didn't have fears at all. Sully always seemed to be certain that everything would work out but she felt unable to place that kind of trust in something that was hard for her to see. She needed more than just the promise that they would somehow make it work – she needed a plan that she could trust in, a plan that would allow her to see that it really would work. Yet making the decision to talk to him empowered her and she felt clear and free stepping off the train in Boston not knowing what the summer would bring.

* * *

**Cripple Creek Mine – July 6, 1857**

The Colorado sun was finally beginning to set but the oppressive heat still hung in the air. The men were grumbling and complaining as they sat around the camp drinking after supper that evening. A card game or two had started up and Sully knew that tonight things would get rowdy. It had been like this for the past few weeks as if the heat literally drove them to fight and feud. In general Daniel ignored the fighting, preferring to let them settle their own squabbles but recently it had become harder and harder to turn his head in the other direction especially when the camp was suffering damage. Sensing that he would be needed later in the evening, Sully snuck off from the camp with a fresh change of clothes, blanket, soap and a stack of letters tucked under one arm. The usual weekly trip to town had yielded nine letters for him which meant that Michaela had written him more than once a day. He laughed thinking about it and assumed that she missed him as much as he missed her.

Thoughts of them alone together in the woods haunted him as he continued down the path towards the river and he couldn't conceal the smile on his lips. He loved it here, alone among the trees, the soft moss growing on the ground. Stopping on the side of the path, he breathed in the sweet smell of pine as he closed his eyes imagining Michaela in front of him, her unique scent mixing with that of the Colorado wilderness. There were places that he knew it was better not to let his mind wander but it was also hard to not imagine the two of them together.

"After we're married," he whispered to the trees. "I'll bring her here- right here and make love to her." He opened his eyes but there the vision of the two of them together remained before him playing out in his mind in vivid detail as he started walking towards the river again. The thought of her naked body lying against him made his breathe quicken as his heart raced within his chest. It was more than simply lust; it was knowing that no one but him would love her like this, share this intimacy with her except for him. Sometimes it amazed him how simple thoughts of her caused his body to react so strongly and today was no exception. Glad that he was alone, he picked up his pace towards the river needing the cool of the mountain water to help calm his rising temperature.

He quickly disrobed and plunged into the slow current thankful for the mountain snows that kept the river's water cool far into the summer. Dipping below the water, he wet his hair and then waded towards the bank to retrieve his forgotten soap. As he lathered his body, his mind drifted again and he imagined Michaela washing him, her hands running over secret places. He laughed to himself and shook his head realizing that he was not helping his condition. Still the body was so sweet when it was clean and to be with her like this, the light scent of her soap tantalizing him would be heaven.

Lazily he drifted in the water, relaxing and letting the cares of the day float away from him. He would have stayed there late into the night if it hadn't been for the letters on the bank that called to him. Emerging from the river, he shook rather like a dog and then spread a blanket on the ground to recline on. It felt too hot for clothing right away. He looked at the postmarks on the letters and put them in order, knowing that if he didn't they wouldn't make much sense.

The first one felt thick and he smiled to himself as he dug his finger under the flap to open it. The characteristic handwriting made him smile and he hungrily began to read, wondering how she could write so much when she wrote everyday.

_Sully,_

_I arrived in Boston today for the summer and though I love Boston, I think I will deeply miss Philadelphia. I was very independent for these past few months without the yoke of school upon me. It feels strange to be under my parent's roof again and it makes me wonder how women feel who go straight from their parent's home to their husband's. Maybe it would be better for all of us to have time on our own as it allows you to think your own thoughts and formulate opinions about the world. It is hard to be in my father's shadow again and I find myself anxious for the time when I can step out from it on my own. _

_Recently, I have thought about us and our future. I miss you terribly and wish you were here so that I could speak these words to you. There are things I need to tell you, fears that have taken up residence in my heart that I know if I don't express they will become permanent. _

_I worry about our future Sully, about the fact that I will not be a good wife for you. I have always thought that as long as I loved you that would be enough but there are practical things that will need to be done. You were right when you said I wasn't used to Colorado and I have to admit I am scared that I won't be able to survive life there. Rationally I keep telling myself that I will learn but I sometimes fear that I won't – that you will be disappointed in me. I suppose that when I was in Colorado, I truly understood for the first time how difficult life out west is. _

_This is very difficult for me to write to you but I think it's something we need to talk about. I'm scared that I can't be what you need me to be. I feel silly writing all of this on paper. Just looking at it, makes me feel childish but it's real and I can't keep it from you any longer. I miss you terribly and am counting the days until December._

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

Sully set the letter on the blanket and rolled his head from one side to the other stretching out the muscles in his neck. Already he could feel tension building in his head and traveling to the muscles of his back. He was having a hard time knowing what to make of the letter and he wondered to himself if he should go to Boston, afraid that perhaps things were becoming too much for her. She had probably kept this from him for far too long, letting it fester, and that worried him. Looking out at the river, he thought over the situation trying to come to peace about things. She already felt silly and though he didn't think she had a reason to, he didn't want to make her feel like a child by rushing off to Boston at the first sign of trouble. No, he would wait - read the other letters first and then write her back, assuring her of how he felt. He would remind her at she was all he needed and that she could never be a disappointment to him. If that didn't work, then he would go east. Little did he know just how much he was needed in Boston.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

With her hand intertwined through his, they walked along the overgrown path with a gentle breeze blowing at their backs. The light filtered through the leaves of the trees creating a dappled pattern on the ground. The sweet smell of the pine trees seemed to hang in this particular area and Michaela breathed in deeply letting the scent fill her. Sully stopped suddenly and turned to face her, taking her other hand in his as well. "Do ya know where we are?"

She shook her head, a smile playing across her lips. "It seems familiar but I can't place it."

"Just up there is the old mine that Daniel owned 'til it went dry. Down that way is the river." He motioned with his head as he spoke, then leaned in to place a gentle kiss to her lips.

"Your old haunt so to speak," she laughed, then diverted her eyes.

Sully let go of her hand in order to lift her chin. "What is it?" he asked, caressing her cheek with his fingers.

"I suppose I wonder… well do you think you'll miss your old life?"

"Do you miss your old life?" he asked, hoping that he was prepared to hear the answer she would give.

Michaela placed her free hand against his chest, stroking his skin through his shirt. "I was always so worried that I couldn't survive here that somehow simply loving you would not be enough." She turned her head to the side and kissed his palm, letting her warm lips linger there for a moment before speaking again. "My life in Boston without you was worse than anything I ever would have faced here." Michaela smiled shyly. "And I think I've learned to do things here pretty well."

Sully widened his eyes and twisted his mouth to the side. "If ya say so," he laughed.

"Sully," she chided playfully slapping at his shoulder. "I know my cooking isn't great but the rest…"

Quickly, he brought his finger to her lips silencing her. "You do everything perfectly…. especially this." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms around her back. Michaela pressed against him, reveling in the fact that intimate contact was no longer forbidden to them. His hands pulled her shirt from her riding britches and slipped inside her waistband, kneading the warm flesh underneath.

Michaela tensed, pulling back as her cheeks grew warm. "Sully, we can't do this here," she whispered.

Sully smiled at her shyness and kissed her once again. "Why not? We did this outside last night," he replied sensually, moving to kiss up her jaw line.

"It was dark then," she pointed out already warming to the idea as Sully reached her earlobe.

"I used to imagine us under these trees…" He kissed a spot behind her ear that made her giggle. "With the sweet smell of the pine trees…" Sully's hands moved around to the side closure on her riding britches, undoing the three buttons. "Making love on the moss." His hands slipped between them as he worked on the buttons of her shirt, Michaela like putty in his hands.

* * *

_Sorry this one took me a little bit to write. School starting threw me off but I should be back in a more regular schedule this week. Thanks for reading – hope you enjoyed!! _


	104. Chapter 104

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Four**

**Cripple Creek Mine, Colorado - July 10, 1857**

"_I'm sorry." Breathlessly he pulled away, his eyes glancing down to the buttons already undone on her shirt. "I got carried away." He dropped his eyes nervously, tucking his hands under his legs afraid he could not control them. _

_Sarah caressed his chest letting her fingers slip in between the buttons. "You don't have to stop."_

_Daniel felt his body tremble at her words, wanting to continue with his advances but knowing it wasn't the right thing to do. "We'll both regret it. I don't want to mess this up by doin' somethin' stupid." He watched as she buttoned her top up hastily, shame evident on her face. Tears welled up in her eyes making Daniel feel even worse. He reached for her hand. "I want us both to be sure." _

_She nodded, sliding away from him as the first tear slipped down her cheek. "I know ya don't believe me about Sully."_

"_I do. Stop sayin' I don't." More tears were her only reply. Placing one hand over top of hers, he moved closer to her. "Don't cry," he whispered near her ear feeling as if his own heart was breaking. _

_Leaning back against him, she sobbed, "Don't send me away."_

Daniel awoke with a thin sheet of perspiration covering his body. The tent was pitch black and from the absence of noise outside he knew it must be the wee hours of the morning. He sat up slowly, his body uncontrollably shivering and he knew it had nothing to do with being cold. The increased beating of his heart scared him and he now found it hard to catch his breath. Reaching down, he rummaged under his bed, his fingers finally finding the envelope that held the letter he sought. He rose and felt his way to the other side of the tent, slipping out the flap into the summer night.

The moon was bright enough that he could read without extra light and he made his way over to one of the many tables placed outside because of the summer heat. The night pressed in on him but he tried to ignore it. He had known she was in Maryland for the last month, finally taking a break after helping several groups of slaves escape to the North. Letters had gone back and forth for months, his always to Maryland where she would receive them when she passed through. The doubts that had filled his mind back in February were gone, she didn't love Sully. Maybe she didn't love him either. They rarely talked about that when they corresponded and Daniel felt utterly confused as to where the relationship stood.

One more time he looked over the letter, his heart asking once again what he should do. There was only one way to know if this was worth pursuing, only one way to figure out if they had a future together and that was by going to her. She was always on his mind, filling his dreams as well as his waking thoughts. He hadn't wanted to send her away but he knew Sully was right. A mining camp wasn't any place for a woman, especially the woman he loved. And there were doubts lingering in his mind then, thoughts that she was only replacing Sully with him. Now he would know for sure though. Time would certainly have made the decision for her – time would fade him from her mind or else keep him close to her heart. She would be honest, he would ask her to and he believed she would.

Looking up into the night sky, he felt the tension in his back release. The decision had been made, only small matters remained – packing, buying the tickets and asking Sully to run the camp while he was gone. That would be the hardest thing he knew because he wasn't yet ready to tell Sully he was going to see Sarah. There was still a lingering bitterness that came with knowing that Sully at one point held the heart of two of the women he had loved. Pride held him back from telling Sully because he feared another rejection. What if time had not erased Sully from the vestiges of her memory? What if Sarah wished it was Sully coming to her rather than himself?

Having dealt with a broken heart before he knew just how painful it could be. Yet the need to know, to have some sort of closure in one direction or the other was more pressing than the fear that he would once again return to Colorado a broken man. He could cope with brokenness, he had before and would again if need be. He could no longer cope with the uncertainty. Rising from where he sat, he made his way slowly back to the tent, already trying to get his mind around what he would tell Sully. Slipping inside, he waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before returning to his cot.

"Daniel?" Sully's voice snuck through the darkness taking him by surprise.

"Yeah?"

"What are ya doin' up?"

"Couldn't sleep – thought maybe a walk might help." Daniel made his way over towards his cot and sat on the edge with his back to Sully, wondering whether to wait until morning or to say something now.

"Something on your mind?" Sully asked, settling the question for Daniel.

He nodded his head turning in the bed to face Sully only to realize that they couldn't see each other. "There is somethin' on my mind – somethin' I gotta do."

Sully sat up, the seriousness of Daniel's voice making his stomach twist into knots. A silence settled only making the tension Sully was experiencing greater. He turned on the cot so that his feet rested against the ground, the grass tickling his toes. Still Daniel did not speak and so Sully cleared his throat as he waited. "What is it Daniel?"

"I got some business I need to attend to – I need to go east for awhile."

"Is everything alright?" Sully asked at Daniel's evasive words.

"Yeah – just something I gotta do. I know ya were thinking about taking a trip to Boston this summer….. I wondered if that could wait until I got back. I kinda would like to know that ya were here runnin' things."

"Yeah…I wasn't even sure I was gonna go anyway so it can wait. How long do you think you'll be gone?"

"I don't know." His voice was strained. "It might take me a month. I know it's a lot to ask," he added as guilt settled in the pit of his stomach.

"Nah, it ain't a lot to ask. Ya've been a good friend to me Daniel even when I didn't deserve a good friend. I wanna do this for you."

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – July 20, 1857**

The air was heavy with moisture and storm clouds gathered in the noon day sky blotting out the sun. Heat lightening dotted the horizon teasing the parched ground with the possibility of rain. Sarah stood on the porch of Michaela's house feeling much like the ground – dried up and void of life. The last few months were some of the hardest she had ever experienced and she wasn't quite sure how to continue. This wasn't the place she wanted to be but it was the only place to find respite for a short time. If Michaela knew, she wouldn't want her here in her house, on her land. She watched the horizon closely, feeling as if something was brewing, a storm coming and she wanted to see it.

An object caught her attention and she strained her eyes to make it out. At first it seemed an illusion but the longer she continued to focus on it, she realized it was real and approaching quickly. Turning towards the house, she called in through the screen door. "John strange boat is comin'."

She heard his heavy footsteps echoing through the house followed by the squeak of the screen door as he stepped out to join her. With one hand he rubbed his chin as his eyes focused on the boat as well. "Ain't anyone local." Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal but there were escaped slaves hiding in the barn and any passing boat represented danger. "I'm gonna go down to the pier – ya make sure everyone is inside the barn."

Sarah nodded and went in the screen door as John stepped off the porch. As she neared the kitchen, she saw Ida walking in the back door. "Don't worry everyone's already inside."

"Thanks," Sarah muttered and turned back towards the front door wanting to see if the boat was in fact coming here or continuing on. Fear crept up inside of her when she saw the boat had docked and she silently prayed for the 5 people now hiding in the barn that they would not be found. They could take her in their stead for all she cared but these people had never known freedom and even when nothing else mattered to her this did. After stepping onto the porch, she saw someone jumping over the side of the boat but she did not panic. There was something familiar about him so she strained her eyes to see. Her lips actually curled into a smile as she recognized his form. It was Daniel – Daniel had come to Maryland. All the implications of why and how were lost on her, it only mattered that he was here.

With her heart pounding wildly within her chest, she stepped off the porch forbidding her feet from running. He had written her many letters and she had done a fair amount of writing herself but the topic of them as a couple was never discussed, both afraid to ask what the other was thinking. Pacing herself, she crossed the lawn which had long since withered with the summer heat.

"Someone's here to see ya," John said, a wide smile on his face.

"I see." Sarah didn't smile but her eyes sparkled as they met Daniel's. "You're a long way from home."

Daniel laughed. "Not really."

John felt as if his presence was hindering their conversation and so he stepped to the side glancing at Sarah to make sure she was comfortable with him leaving. "Tell Ida we'll be in soon," she said giving him a slight nod.

"I will." With that John stepped away, hoping that this was just the thing to snap Sarah out of her depression.

They each waited, letting silence fall as they watched John depart. Sarah was the first to speak once he was a distance away. "I can't believe you're here."

"Surprise," Daniel said giving a little shrug of his shoulders.

"What are ya doin' here?"

Her question sounded harsh but her tone was gentle and Daniel took no offense. He actually had anticipated this reaction; after all he had sent her away. "I wanted to see ya –to talk to ya in person."

"About?"

Daniel's stomach tightened wondering if he could tell her the real reason right this second or if he should wait. He reached out his hand to her and leaned his head to the side, waiting for Sarah to either push him away or take his hand in return. Time felt as if it stood still for a moment but Daniel waited and his patience paid off, Sarah took his hand. The move gave him courage pushing him to say, "I came because I can't stop thinkin' about ya."

* * *

**Boston – July 18, 1857**

The dark wood of the antechamber was old and etched with time, the wood worn in places but Michaela thought it was beautiful. She admired the delicate gold trimmings on the door, as she stood waiting at her father's side. The door opened and the butler welcomed her father by name as he led them inside, showing them to a sitting room off to the side.

This room was decorated in deep dark greens that accented the cherry wood of the walls. A large Persian rug lay on the floor, the design one of the more beautiful she had seen. Everything about the place seemed perfect and Michaela recognized that this could all be hers. She didn't exactly want it to be but she couldn't deny that certain thoughts had come to mind recently. Her father reminded her often that with her money she could have her pick of residences in Boston and even though it was customary for single unmarried women to live at home, he was encouraging her to set up her own household. Josef said it was the true mark of a liberated women.

Michaela's mind was on a two story drawing that Sully had shown her of their future house and while part of her wanted nothing more than to live with him in the place he would build, she also reasoned that they could build a very comfortable life in Boston together if Sully would acquiesce. She would never ask him to, knowing how much he had already sacrificed for her sake but between her father's gentle encouragement and her wandering mind the possibility continued to surface. The sitting room door opened again and Michaela looked up expectantly. She was different than what Michaela had expected. Her dress rather plain and ordinary with her hair in a simple braided bun. Still she moved through the room in a stately manner and Josef stood as manners dictated.

"Dr. Quinn." Her voice was warm and welcoming as she extended a petite hand towards him.

"Miss Anthony," he replied taking her hand in his and bowing low over it. "I would like to thank you for suggesting this meeting. I know your time is precious."

"Don't be silly." With a swipe of her hand, she waved away his words turning her full attention now to Michaela. "I wanted to meet this extraordinary woman who I've been hearing so much about from Elizabeth."

Hearing her own mother's name made her eyes widen but she quickly realized it was another Elizabeth she referred to. Michaela stood and offered her own hand now. "Miss Anthony, I assure you it is my pleasure."

"Please you must call me Susan and is it okay if I address you as Michaela?" Michaela nodded her ascent and sat as the woman took a seat across from her. "Elizabeth heard you speak at an abolitionist rally in Philadelphia this past spring and was most impressed. She tried to speak with you afterwards but you had disappeared. Well when she found out that I was going to be in Boston for the summer, she asked that I try to meet with you having heard that you were from Boston as well. What luck when I ran into Dr. Josef Quinn on my first day here. "

"I'm sorry. Elizabeth?"

"Why Elizabeth Cady Stanton of course."

Michaela's mouth dropped open in shock. Elizabeth Cady Stanton thought that she was impressive. "I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll speak at our next rally. It will be in New York at the end of August. We are trying to persuade the state to rewrite the property rules allowing women the right to inherit."

"Would I need to speak on that?" Michaela's brow furrowed knowing this was not an area she knew much about.

"Lord, no. Anything you want darling, anything at all. We simply want a young fresh face who is already making great strides for womenkind. Your father tells me you will be a doctor soon."

"I will," Michaela humbly replied. She made herself relax back against the chair, cognizant that she had been sitting on the edge like some school girl.

Miss Anthony smiled widely. "You have sacrificed I am sure, just as I have. Someday Michaela, someday women will not have to choose between being a wife and having a career and you and I are a part of making that happen. Someday motherhood will be voluntary and men will understand that they have a role in child rearing as well. We unfortunately are the trail blazers and we did have to make that decision."

Michaela's brow furrowed and she swallowed hard considering the words just spoken. There was no way for this woman to know that she didn't plan on choosing, no way for her to understand that Sully did realize that child rearing was a partnership. "You will remain single I assume?"

"Oh yes my dear. Elizabeth is married of course with six children. She is the one who should be in my role. She is the real innovator and speech writer but you can't be on the road all the time when you have a family to take care of. Early on Elizabeth made that plain to me and I have accepted it. I put feet to our message."

Michaela smiled politely and nodded, her face hiding the inner turmoil she felt as each word served to increase the fears that were already planted in her heart. All summer as she battled her own doubts about her abilities, her father had constantly praised her fortitude in choosing such a different path. All summer he had touted her to anyone who would listen as the model of a modern woman – not fashion wise mind you but rather the woman of the future, independent. "Perhaps if her husband were more understanding?"

Miss Anthony casually laughed. "Henry is a darling – a complete darling but he is a man." She turned quickly, her cheeks taking on a reddish hue. "Dr. Quinn you must forgive me. I do believe I have forgotten myself."

"Nonsense. I actually was just considering taking leave of the two of you for about an hour or so. It would give you a chance to talk and I need to look in on a patient."

"That would be splendid, simply splendid." She began to rise in order to show him out.

"Don't trouble yourself. I can see myself out. I'll be back in a bit, dear." He kissed Michaela's forehead and she gave him a weak smile watching as he turned to leave.

"I hope I didn't speak out of turn."

Michaela shook her head. "Don't worry – my father is very sympathetic to our position." Even as the words left her mouth, she began to wonder exactly what position she was referring to and it struck her that she lived a double life.

"I am glad to know that. He does remind me of Henry," she laughed. "But it is like I was saying, even supportive husbands don't quite understand. They can't see the inequalities or understand the ways in which we have been held back. We are to be satisfied with a few pretty baubles and a new dress now and then. Our satisfaction in life is supposed to come solely from knowing that we gave our whole life to him and his children."

"It doesn't have to be that way, does it?"

"I used to be just like you Michaela. Young and idealistic. Someday I do believe we will have made inroads, they may never fully get it but things will change. Do not get me wrong – there is immense satisfaction in motherhood. Elizabeth loves her family very much but it has held her back and now…" She diverted her eyes and dropped her voice as she continued. "I didn't want to say in front of your father but she is once again in a family way. She didn't believe it could happen again at her age and it has come as quite a shock, I assure you. We were to travel together this summer but now…well now things are different." She looked over seeing the glassy eyed look in her young guest's eyes. "I hope I haven't discouraged you. I simply understand your position. We've committed our lives to something and in turn we've given up a whole part of ourselves. It's hard but it's the only way."

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – August 2, 1857**

"I wish you didn't have to leave." She stroked his arm with her fingertips as she spoke. A bright August moon reflected off the river, illuminating her face perfectly.

"I know," he replied tightening his grip about her waist. "I've already been gone longer than I had said. I'm sure Sully's getting antsy." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to her lips. "I'll write to ya every day."

"No ya won't," she teased.

"Yes I will. Before I even came, I couldn't get ya off my mind. Now- I don't even want to think about how bad it's gonna be."

"I suppose if Sully and Michaela manage…" Her voice drifted off, the names hanging over their heads ominously. Silence settled between them as they both became keenly aware of the river slapping against the pilings. "I guess I killed the mood."

"Nah… we just gotta learn to live with the past, huh?"

Sarah smiled at him and gave a brief nod. "I think we have already. I feel like we've begun to move past it anyway."

"I do too." These three words offered Sarah relief and the tension that had filled her body moments ago released. They held onto each other, enjoying the night air and the gentle melody of the river. To each of them it felt as if their dreams had come true and neither wanted the moments to end. "We're gonna have to tell 'em about us."

"Tell Sully. He'll tell Michaela." Her words were flippant and he could hear the residual pain in her voice.

"Ya gotta make this right sometime."

"I don't have to make anything right. I don't know how you can be so calm about it. She's the one who kept us apart… if I had stayed….."

Daniel entwined his fingers through her curls, settling his fingertips against her scalp. "We don't know what might have happened. I think in the end the decision was for the best. 'Sides I already told ya it was Sully who came to me."

"I know," she said softening her tone. "But I have a hard time believing Michaela wasn't behind it. She's so insecure."

Daniel laughed. "You're a beautiful woman Sarah and ya had just told her that ya loved her fiancé. I say that constitutes grounds to at least be a little alarmed. You should write her."

He felt her stiffen and knew her next words were going to be angry. "Why should I be the one to make amends?"

Daniel pulled her close and placed a lingering kiss to the top of her head. "Maybe it ain't about who needs to make amends," he said bringing his cheek to rest against hers. "I figure I got about every reason to be upset with Sully for not tellin' me about him and Michaela. And I was plenty angry when it first happened but I missed him. I realized that we all are gonna do things that mess up the relationships we have with the people around us. Sometimes those things are big and sometimes they are small. Sometimes there so big ya feel like ya could never forgive. But the only person you're gonna hurt by stayin' angry is yourself."

This wasn't what Sarah wanted to hear and she shut down for a moment, knowing he was right but wishing that he would rail against her at least momentarily before pointing out the higher road to take. It felt like he wasn't on her side and she hated that.

"Sarah?' Daniel tilted his head as he leaned back to see her eyes. "Ya alright?"

"I don't know that I can let it go," she whispered, looking down to avoid his penetrating gaze.

"Will ya at least try?"

"I'll try," she promised as Daniel leaned in to give her another kiss.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1867**

"I don't want him here Sully. Please wire for Dr. Bernard."

"Michaela I will but Dr. Bernard isn't here right now and your father is. You've got to let him examine ya."

"I don't want him anywhere near me." Her voice was high pitched and he could hear the pain thick in her words. "How can you suggest that I let him examine me? After all the things he has done to us… to you?"

Sully pulled her close, letting her cry out her anguish against his shoulder. It was only as she began to still that he pulled back and began to speak. "You are the most important person in the world to me. I gotta do what's best for ya no matter what. When I couldn't wake ya up…." His voice cracked and he paused trying to control his emotions. "Your father is the last person I wanted to turn to. But my hating him was gonna hurt you… gonna … gonna hurt our baby." He reached down and caressed her abdomen tenderly. "I couldn't let that happen. I just saw things so clearly then. He ain't ever gonna be able to make up for all the stuff he did to us. Ain't no use in me waitin' for him to. As far as I see it, I gotta choose to forgive… to let it go."

"I don't know that I can do that."

"Will you try…for the sake of our baby?" She squeezed her eyes closed tightly, wishing she didn't need his help but she did. Clearly she did.

"I'll try," she whispered as Sully rose to get her father.

**

* * *

Boston, December 15, 1857**

The summer faded quickly that year leaving some with fond memories and others with growing fears. Sarah had in fact done as Daniel had asked and written Michaela who had replied. The friendship was not returned to its previous state but precariously it was formed again, each equally suspicious of the other. Daniel eventually confessed to Sully where he had disappeared to when he went back east and though Sully was a little hurt it had taken him so long to confide, he was very happy for Sarah and Daniel, wishing them all the best.

Unbeknownst to her, Josef had organized Michaela's summer to have what he had hoped were eye opening experiences. There was the meeting with Susan B. Anthony and later on another impromptu meeting with Lucreita Mott, also prominent in the women's movement. Invitations for her to speak at various gatherings were plentiful and she became the face of the young women's movement in Boston, heralded for her commitment to pursue her dreams at all costs. Never once did she doubt that Sully loved her. Never once did she doubt that she loved Sully but the differences between the two of them became painfully clear. She began to question if she was right for Sully, if someone more like Sarah wouldn't be better for him. In her mind if she really loved him, she would want his best even if that wasn't her.

She attended more parties and socials that summer than she had in previous years. Each one made her long for Sully to be at her side but she also realized that he would be uncomfortable there. Michaela began to question how they could make their life together work because it always felt that one of them would have to give up more than the other. With all of these thoughts firmly planted in her head, she continued to write Sully rarely sharing these thoughts with him. The letter in which he had answered her fears or tried to, was sweet but unhelpful. She needed a plan not simple assurances that she wouldn't face it alone.

So it was that the fall passed. Michaela returned to school with fears planted in the fertile soil of her heart, roots winding their way down into the depths making it hard to pull them out. Sarah stayed on in Maryland with Michaela's blessing. Daniel kept his promise to write every day and when fall ended Sarah found herself on a train bound for Colorado to spend Christmas with him. Sully too was on a train but heading in the opposite direction, his only thoughts of seeing Michaela again.

His feet couldn't carry him fast enough when he stepped off the station platform at the train station. The carriage ride to Beacon Hill seemed slow and the way longer than he remembered. Desires to see her, to hold her were strong within him and when he knocked on the door, his heart beat wildly within him.

Harrison opened the door to him, smiling. "Mr. Sully," he greeted him warmly.

"Harrison, nice to see ya."

"We weren't expecting you until the weekend."

"I know… my plans changed and I thought this would be a nice surprise." Sully took off his coat and Harrison took it from him. "Where's Michaela?" he asked trying not to seem too eager.

"In the morning room," Harrison replied with a furrowed brow. "There is a function."

"A function?" Sully was already crossing the foyer, Harrison hot on his heels but not quite fast enough. He opened the French doors and stopped while every eye in the room turned to look at him. Groups stood scattered about the room. Martha stood near the fireplace with a tray as Sully realized what Harrison had meant.

Josef snickered but quickly covered it. The sight of Sully still dressed as if for a day of work in the mines felt like a small victory. Suddenly the dread he had felt at knowing that Sully would return to Boston for Christmas dissipated. This was going to be easier than he thought. Josef watched as people stared and whispered as he secretly hoped that Michaela was noticing and feeling the stigma. He stepped forward and put on a fake smile. "Sully, we weren't expecting you until Saturday."

His eyes darted about the room looking for her face before settling on Josef. "My schedule changed," he explained. Never before had he felt so out of place, his appearance obviously appalling to those standing around. He wasn't concerned about what they thought but he wouldn't have interrupted if he had realized that this was a formal gathering.

Josef stepped towards him and shook his hand before turning and calling into the room. "Michaela, look who's here."

Sully's heart sped up within his chest as he watched her emerge from the back of the room. He barely noticed who she had been speaking with though later it would come to mind. What caught his attention was the heightened color of her cheeks and diverted eyes that spoke of embarrassment rather than excitement. "Sully," she said tentatively walking towards them. She gave him a brief hug and then moved back by her father's side still not looking up at him. Josef couldn't have been happier but he had to restrain himself choosing to place his arm around his daughter in a subdued sign of victory. "I trust your trip here was without incident?"

"It was," Sully replied automatically, his eyes still on Michaela. The room had finally stopped staring and returned to their conversations though some now spoke about him. "I didn't realize ya we're havin' a party."

"How could you know?" Josef's voice was light and gay.

"I think I'll go get settled in." Finally, Michaela looked up at Sully as guilt rose in her chest over her behavior.

"Of course. Your room is always waiting for you. Feel free to join us when you're done."

"Thanks," Sully replied trying to convince himself that Michaela was only acting cold because they were in public. Quickly he fled from the room as David stepped back to Michaela's side.

"Was that Sully?" he asked to satisfy his own curiosity.

"Yes," she whispered not even bothering to look at him, she began to move towards the door as her guilt increased.

Josef noticed and drew her quickly back in. "David tell Michaela about the medical program at Yale – the curriculum approach is much different than most schools including yours, Michaela."

Michaela didn't wish to hear anything about Yale especially from David but she couldn't' see a way to escape either and so she turned trying to pay attention to what David was saying.

Almost an hour later, Sully still had not reappeared and Michaela felt worse than ever. David excused himself for a moment and Michaela took advantage of the opportunity to make a beeline for the morning room door. She breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped out into the foyer finally making her escape. She went right to the stairs, hitching her skirt to avoid tripping on it.

"He's in the library."

Michaela turned back around at the sound of Harrison's voice. "Excuse me?"

"If you're looking for Mr. Sully, he's in the library."

"Thank you," she whispered, her cheeks turning bright red at being caught going to him. She wanted to deny looking for Sully but her desire to see him won out and she turned going directly to the library. Michaela stepped inside and closed the door behind her, letting her eyes settle on his form on the window seat. "You didn't come back."

Sully looked up. "I thought ya'd want to see me privately. Guess I was wrong."

"I did want to see you – I couldn't get away."

Sully didn't reply, afraid he would say something he would later regret. She stood there awkwardly wanting to apologize but feeling as if she shouldn't have to at the same time. As she sat down beside him, she noticed Byron rested at his side and she reached over to pick him up needing to do something to make the silence bearable. "Why didn't you telegram?"

"I wanted to surprise ya." Michaela nodded but made no reply. "Are ya gonna tell me what's wrong with ya?"

"What do you mean?" She avoided his eyes, looking down at the dog curled up in her lap. Her hand continued to stroke his fur, the tinge of embarrassment still fresh on her mind.

Sully let out a frustrated sigh as he rose. "Never mind." He crossed the room, letting his eyes roam over the bookshelf until he found what he was looking for. In one swift move, he pulled it off the shelf and headed towards the library door.

"Where are you going?"

"What do ya care?" There was an obvious edge to his voice, his words dripping with bitterness. His hand was on the knob already but he hesitated giving Michaela one more chance to speak.

"I…" Her voice was weak and he could hear the emotion building. "I'm sorry."

Sully turned back, walking a few steps in her direction. "For what Michaela?"

"For acting like my sisters. I don't know what's wrong with me." There were no tears but the wrinkled brow and pain filled eyes spoke volumes.

"It's been too long," he whispered closing the distance and dropping to his knees in front of her. "I left ya alone again for too long. I should've come when ya wrote that first letter."

"No Sully, please don't say that." She reached out letting her fingers run through his hair, brushing against his scalp. "I'm just scared."

"Scared?" Sully reached up for her hand grasping it in his own and bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. "What are ya scared of?"

"Of losing you."

This wasn't the answer that Sully expected and it showed on his face. "Ya ain't gonna lose me. Why would you think that?"

Michaela shook her head and looked away, unable to put into words the fears that had lodged in her heart. "Let's go somewhere," she whispered.

"I think we need to talk." Sully reached up and grasped her hand but Michaela pulled away.

"We do but not here- anyone could walk in." Sully nodded and stood, pushing himself up on the window seat. "I need to change but I'll be quick."

"I'm gonna wait here then."

Michaela acknowledged his words before purposefully crossing the room, the skirt of her dress dragging along the floor. Sully wasn't sure she would return right away knowing that she could be spotted and taken back to the party at any point. Josef hadn't missed her yet though David had but he was already in deep conversation with someone else. It was altogether easier than it could have been – she changed, returned to the library and within seconds they were bundled into winter coats walking down the cobblestone streets of Beacon Hill in the direction of the Common.

* * *

_Hope you enjoy!!! Thanks for reading!_


	105. Chapter 105

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Five**

**Boston – December 15, 1857**

The air was crisp and cool, the sky dark and threatening only adding to the feelings that weaved around the couple. They walked stoically forward, physically close to one another but emotionally distanced. Each blamed themselves – Sully for his protracted absences, Michaela believing she would never be quite what Sully needed. Their guilt only increased with every silent step until it pounded loudly inside of their heads drowning out everything else. Michaela wanted him to take her hand, to assure her they would find their way, which she seriously doubted now but they were in public. She already had a sense that her father suspected them so she didn't want to give more evidence by acting foolishly.

The atmosphere that existed all around them changed the moment they set foot on the Common. Memories came flooding back for each of them, memories of happier times spent here as children when everything was much simpler. Those memories changed them both instantly transporting them away to another time and place. Sully stilled his feet for a moment, waiting to see where Michaela wanted to go.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, a forlorn expression in her eyes.

Sully knew they were still in plain sight but the tone of her voice, the look in her eyes tore at his heart. He reached over and took her hand in his, pulling her toward the clump of trees near the fountain – their trees where they had shared secret kisses for years. Michaela went willingly as they walked quickly across the frozen ground ducking under the branches and into the sheltered area that they claimed as their own. Sully wasn't sure what to do, where to begin their conversation but as Michaela moved into his embrace, he readily welcomed her, glad that she wanted to feel his arms around her as much as he wanted to hold her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered again.

"Don't apologize. I left ya alone again. I should know better by now. I just keep telling myself that what I am doin' is for us but that ain't a substitute for my bein' here." Sully rested his head against the top of hers, closing his eyes and promising that he would never make this mistake again.

Michaela felt all the emotions that had been building since the summer come pouring forth and for once she didn't try to stop them. "Please don't go away for so long again. Please Sully…. I can't bear it anymore."

"I won't, I promise. I never should have…" Guilt overtook him and he quieted before he lost control of his emotions. Pressing his lips against the top of her head, he placed light kisses to the part in her hair again and again.

"I feel lost," she whispered her voice stinging his ears when he heard the desperation there.

"Michaela." He spoke her name slowly drawing out each syllable. "Tell me what's wrong."

"It's father. I don't know how to explain but he acts so odd about things sometimes. Do you feel it?"

Sully pulled back so that he could see her face. "He was very warm when I came in… very welcoming."

"I think…" her voice trailed off for a moment trying hard to wrap her mind around the few puzzle pieces she had in front of her. "I think he knows about us."

"But how?"

"I don't know but he definitely knows."

"Do you think Marjorie told him?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders still trying to sort everything out for herself. "I think he saw us kissing."

"When?" Sully asked but Michaela just shook her head. "Is he mad?"

"I think so," Michaela said as tears began to form in her eyes.

Sully put his arms around her and pulled her close. "Shhh," he consoled her. "Don't cry. We knew this was gonna be tough."

"I just didn't want him to find out like this," Michaela whispered. "I should have told him."

"Michaela don't blame yourself. We should have told him."

Michaela shook her head but the tears began to fall as she buried her head on Sully's shoulder. Sully felt extremely confused by Michaela's behavior. Her coldness melting into desperation was easy to place but the insistence that Josef knew about them – had seen them kissing, that he just couldn't believe. They were always so careful and it had been over a year since he had been in Boston. If Josef knew, wouldn't he have said something?

When Michaela had quieted after her irrational outburst, Sully held her firmly by the shoulders and pushed her back so that he could look right into her eyes. "Michaela why do you think your father knows about us? Did he say something?"

"Not exactly… it's his attitude. I feel like he's trying to convince me how perfect my life would be if I never married almost as if he is trying to talk me out of something."

Sully stiffened at her words, his mind absorbing this new information and trying to place it. "He thinks that's what ya want," Sully whispered trying to assure her that it wasn't on purpose even though he was now doubting Josef's intents. "Josef knows that Elizabeth doesn't support your choices and he wants ya to know that he does… the he really does. Your father would crawl across broken glass for you Michaela."

Michaela nodded, still looking unsure. "I suppose you're right." She laid her head against this chest, her fingers intertwined around his back. "Do you think he'll be angry when we tell him about us?"

Sully couldn't see her face and for that he was glad because this was the one question that constantly nagged at him as well. Yet at this minute, he couldn't possibly give Michaela more to upset her. "At first, I'm sure he'll be shocked. We can't expect him to take it well at first. But he loves you Michaela and he's always thought of me as a son, I'm sure he'll be supportive." Michaela turned her face into him. One hand came around to unbutton the top of his coat so that she could press light kisses to his chest. Sully closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of her in his arms, her lips warming him from the inside out. When she stilled her head against him again, Sully felt her tremble. "Michaela, are ya alright?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I feel so happy right now because you're finally here but I know in a few weeks you'll be gone again. I suppose it feels never ending. I keep waiting for my life to really start and it never does. Always waiting…" Her voice drifted off, blown away by the wind.

"You don't want to wait anymore?" He moved back trying to see her eyes, wanting to understand exactly what she was trying to convey.

Michaela's eyes grew large as she realized what Sully thought she meant. What did she mean exactly? She wasn't even sure herself. "I want to finish medical school."

"Michaela, ya realize that I will support ya no matter what ya do. You've wanted to be a doctor your whole life and I can't imagine ya quitting but no matter what ya decide to do, I'll stand beside ya."

Michaela buried her head against his chest once again, feeling such freedom to be herself within his arms. When she spoke again her voice was muffled but Sully made out her words. "Thank you."

* * *

Josef stood looking out the window of the library, wondering where Michaela and Sully had disappeared to. The party had ended a little over an hour ago now and the sun was starting to set but they had yet to return. A few hours ago he had felt such victory, such overwhelming victory but now he wasn't sure what to feel. There were two distinct possibilities – one that she was telling him that it was over or else that they were getting reacquainted.

Several months of work and she had greeted him with cold indifference. Could Sully really melt through her exterior that quickly? Would he even want to try after such a greeting? Puffed up with the thought that he had actually affected some change in his daughter, he convinced himself that he had succeeded – that within moments they would enter the house storming off in different directions. And he would be there, there for both of them, helping direct their thoughts, ensuring that they didn't reunite. He wouldn't make the same mistakes as last time.

Michaela filled his mind as he stood there contemplating his actions. He needed a recourse in case he was wrong – on the chance that they were back together. From the minute he had first held her, the two different colored eyes staring up at him, his heart had been touched in a special way. Even then he had seen Anna in her, even then he had promised to do everything in his power to make her life perfect. Why was it that girls were so weak? Why was it that one guy's flattery could turn their heads? Could they not see the future they were destined for – a future of drudgery and servitude?

His thoughts went to his other daughters and for a brief moment he questioned why he had never acted on their behalf. Perhaps some women really were meant to be helpmates and nothing more but not all women. Michaela was not to be some man's prize or possession. She was beginning to understand that and he would do everything in his power to prevent it.

The opening of the front door caught his attention and he turned, certain it was them. He reached the library door as they started up the stairs, laughing and jovial. His heart fell. Crushed pride stung his heart but he would not be mastered by it. There was a way to force them apart and he would find it. He would end this relationship once and for all.

* * *

**Boston – December 25, 1857**

Content. That was how she felt lying in her bed, her hands folded neatly overtop her stomach. Christmas day surrounded by her family could be unnerving but today it wasn't. Sully and she had entertained the children almost the entire day. There had been wonderful games of hide and go seek that Elizabeth frowned at but never spoke a word against. Even Anne's abrasive behavior hadn't bothered her in the least. The only thing she missed was their normal Christmas evening settled at the top of the stairs, her head nestled in the crook of his neck. The thought of him just down the hall filled her mind and she realized that she missed his touch more than she knew.

The light tap on her door, surprised and thrilled her all in the same instant. She scampered across the room opening the door widely so he could enter. "Father?" she asked grateful for the darkness which concealed the blush on her cheeks.

"You weren't sleeping were you? I thought I saw a light on."

"No, I wasn't asleep yet."

"With all the holiday excitement, I forgot to ask if you wanted to go to the hospital with me tomorrow. I have a couple of surgeries scheduled and I would love to have you assist."

Michaela smiled at the opportunity, her mind turning quickly to Sully. She hesitated for a moment, the smile fading as she weighed her options.

"If you already had plans…"

Michaela cut him off. "Nothing really. I'd love to go with you."

"Good," Josef smiled, trying to contain his excitement. If she was with him, he knew she wasn't with Sully. "We'll leave early."

"Then I better go to sleep," Michaela laughed.

"Right Mike – good night."

"Night father." She closed the door, stepping back into her room and waited. Sully wouldn't be awake before she would have to leave in the morning and she wanted him to know, she wanted to tell him herself. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she contemplated what to do. If she waited to ensure that her father was asleep than there would be a good possibility that Sully would be asleep as well. Her eyes settled on her desk and she crossed quickly deciding to write him a note. She had time to waist and so she wrote a long note, not only informing him of her plans but also declaring her love for him. When she finished, she folded it and carried to her vanity where she dabbed her favorite perfume on the outside, feeling giddy in her actions.

Approaching the door, she opened it only a crack, peeking out to make sure that the hall was deserted. Assuring herself that is was, she softly padded down to his door, enjoying her midnight escapade. Not bothering to knock, she let herself in, her eyes settling on his sleeping form. Her heart was stirred and it occurred to her that one day in the not too distant future she would be laying next to him. So as not to disturb him, she crossed quietly to his nightstand and set down the letter a wide grin on her face. She turned to leave but stopped when she heard his sleep filled voice. "Michaela?"

"Sorry, I was trying not to wake you."

"I'm glad ya did," he said sitting up as the covers dropped from his shirtless chest. "Ya smell good." He reached out his arm towards her.

"It's not me," she giggled and pointed to the letter before moving closer to take his hand. She sat on the edge of the bed curling her feet up beside her to warm them.

"What's that for?"

"Father asked me to assist in some surgeries tomorrow. We'll leave fairly early and I wanted to tell you myself so I wrote you a letter because I figured you were sleeping."

"I don't mind ya wakin' me." He trailed his fingers up her arm eliciting goose bumps on her flesh. "After all we didn't get to kiss under the mistletoe this year."

"We didn't. Too bad there's no mistletoe."

Sully laughed and leaned closer towards her. "It's never stopped us before."

"I suppose not," she whispered watching him wet his lips. A fire was being stoked inside of her and she swallowed hard when he finally kissed her, her bottom lip caught between his as he teased it with his tongue. Michaela pulled away seductively turning to face him directly. She smiled, her eyes dancing across his muscled torso and then up to his face. This time she initiated the kiss, deepening it impossibly further as she leaned into him. Sully broke the kiss after a moment, his mind working around the previous statement despite the distractions.

"When did your father ask ya to go?"

"About twenty minutes ago." He narrowed his eyes, their conversation from the day he arrived still nagging at him. "Do you want me to stay here?" Michaela asked afraid she had upset him.

"No… no…. I was thinking."

Michaela placed her left hand against his heart, her fingers making soft circles in his chest hair. "About?"

"He's kept ya busy while you've been home."

"If you don't want me to go…"

"No, ya should go. You need to go."

"Are you sure?"

Sully pulled her close kissing her again. "I'm sure," he replied.

Michaela made to move away. "Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"I don't feel very tired right now." He raised his eyebrows at her grabbing for her hand as she rose.

Michaela laughed her fingers barely touching his now that she stepped backwards towards the door. "Soon." Her voice slithered through the room, wrapping around Sully. The tone was alluring and Sully shivered at the sound of it, before reluctantly letting her go. "Good night."

"Night," he replied watching as the door closed. He sighed heavily and leaned back against the pillow, frustrated but happy all at the same time.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Quietly she tiptoed up the stairs, her body weary from her long day. The pale winter moon's light didn't reach this part of the house and so she moved in darkness, feeling her way along. The desire to assure that her family was alright out shone her tiredness and she quickly stepped to the door of Colleen's room, quietly turning the knob. The blond hair splayed out across the pillow made her smile as she stepped towards the bed. In her sleep she had pushed the blankets down and Michaela pulled them back up as the night was turning bitterly cold. Satisfied, she moved back towards the door and down the hall to the room Brian and Matthew shared. They both were snuggled deep under their blankets, the moon highlighting the blond of their hair.

Michaela smiled and closed the door quietly retiring to her own room. She stopped as she opened her door, her eyes alighting on his form. He too had thrown the blankets off as he usually did. Normally he would be spooned against her back but tonight in her absence he held her pillow to his face as if trying to breathe in her scent. Michaela smiled and then moved across the room to hurriedly undress, the need to feel his arms around her greater than she previously realized. As she slipped her nightgown over her head, he stirred in the bed, his eyes opening to see her in the moonlight.

"Michaela?" he asked his voice heavy with sleep.

"I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake you." She crossed to the bed as Sully shifted, fluffing her pillow for her.

"I don't mind ya wakin' me." He moved the covers back so she could climb in beside him. "I thought ya were gonna stay at the clinic tonight."

She lay down face to face with him, pulling the covers back up as she moved closer. "I needed to see the children and you." Her voice was breathless as Sully brought his hand to rest on her thigh.

"Ya shouldn't be ridin' by yourself at night."

Michaela smiled. "You don't want me here?"

"I didn't say that," he laughed. They shared a light kiss, Michaela trailing her fingers down his cheek to settle against his chest.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered against his ear.

Sully leaned his head down to nuzzle her neck. "I'm not all that tired." Michaela giggled as he reached a particularly sensitive spot. He pulled back. "But if you are…"

She remained quiet moving her fingers down through the curly hair on his chest until she reached the taut muscles of his abdomen. Sully shivered in delight and covered her mouth with his own. Reaching the fine hair just under his navel, she continued downward making Sully gasp in delight.

"I guess you aren't tired either."

* * *

**December 30, 1857**

With a book in one hand, Michaela rested her head against the bookshelves her mind wandering far from the pages in front of her. Sully would be leaving in exactly three days and she already missed him. He had promised never to stay away as long again though and had told her already that he would return for Easter which fell in March of the upcoming year. Three months, she told herself, three months wasn't that long at all.

At the sound of the library door, she looked up her eyes sparkling with love only to be met by Josef's gaze. "Father," she greeted him a touch of surprise in her voice. "I thought you had already left."

"Running a little late this morning," he laughed. "Just stopping by to see if you wanted to go with me. The children certainly seem to enjoy your visits."

"I enjoy visiting with them as well and I suppose I should get used to that. I am sure I will be working with mostly children after I graduate."

"Nonsense. You are already more skilled than many physicians. I'll make sure you are given every opportunity." He moved closer to her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you," she said with gratitude, covering his hand with her own.

"So did you want to go?"

"Actually I think I'll stay here today. Sully leaves soon and we wanted to go visit with Rebecca and the children."

Josef tried to hide his disappointment behind a weak smile. "Of course." He gave a nod of his head before stepping to his desk to retrieve some files he had brought home to work on.

The door of the library opened again and this time it was Sully. "Mornin'," he greeted them both. Josef and Michaela both looked over at him, their expressions as different as could be. Michaela smiled warmly looking forward to the whole day with him as Josef faked a smile but was unable to hide the anger in his eyes. Sully frowned slightly but Josef quickly dipped his head, hiding his thoughts along with his face. Tucking the folders into a leather satchel, he turned quickly. "Have a lovely day," he said, his voice full of coldness though he tried hard to hide it.

"Bye Father." Michaela's eyes were fixed on Sully and she hardly noticed the strange mood that had transformed her father so quickly.

"Bye," Sully added watching him leave as he took a step closer towards Michaela. She quickly closed the distance between them and the moment that the door closed, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Is your father upset that you aren't going with him today?"

"I don't think so." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders, quickly dismissing the thought from her mind.

Sully wasn't convinced but he didn't want to ruin the first day they had to themselves in quite awhile. "We gotta go over to Rebecca's?" he asked placing a light kiss to the side of her head right above her ear.

Michaela giggled. "For a little bit but then we have the afternoon."

"Sounds nice."

* * *

Marjorie bundled the baby in another blanket to protect her from the shrill winter wind. Adam fidgeted pulling at his hat but Elise sat quietly to the side, sensing that something rather momentous was occurring. "Hold still Adam," Marjorie commanded her voice gentle and calm. She was actually surprised how calm it was, given the fact that her insides were twisting horribly.

"Mama, where are we going?"

"I told you – we are going to see Grandma and Granda."

"Why did you make us pack our clothes?" Elise looked up curiously at her mother, an uneasy sadness apparent on her small face. "Are we going to stay there?"

"Yes darling."

Adam heard his mother's words and assumed she was going to leave them there. "No mama," he cried flailing his little arms out to the side.

"Hush, sweetheart." She gathered him to her chest momentarily to stop his tears. "Mama isn't going to leave you there. We are all staying."

The baby was becoming overheated and fussy, reminding Marjorie that they needed to be on there way. Picking up her infant daughter, she turned to the other two. "Hold your sister's hand Adam and follow mama."

They began their walk down the stairs and Marjorie felt free – more free than she had felt in a long time. The distance between her and the door of her prison was only a few feet. Soon she would taste life without fear for the first time in years. The decision had been made days ago, as she sat at Christmas dinner, everyone around her happy and joyful – everyone but her. That wasn't a new sensation for her and normally she simply accepted it. Yet when she had looked at Elise, she recognized the same pained expression reflected in her young eyes and it occurred to her for the first time that her daughter knew. It was that realization that prompted her actions. For the sake of her children, she had to leave.

Everett was upstairs sleeping one off in the guest bedroom and she had purposefully kept the children quiet all morning packing only the necessities. She still had the painful task before her of explaining things to her mother and father but she didn't care anymore. Shame was a better companion than fear. As her feet touched the floor of the foyer, she heard the creak of the floorboards. Immediately her heart froze in her chest but she refused to turn around and look at him.

"Where are you going?" he demanded already descending the stairs.

Marjorie took a step forward. "Come along children," she whispered as she opened the door.

Everett was coming closer with every breath and he was now within touching distance. He lunged for her shoulder. "I asked you a question."

"We're going to visit my parents," she said stoically, glad she had the foresight to already load the overnight bags in the carriage.

Adam turned to face his father, speaking in innocence. "We spend the night but mama stay too."

Everett narrowed his eyes. "You're spending the night?"

Marjorie began to shake and she gripped the baby tighter, hoping that Everett wouldn't do anything in front of the children. "I think it's for the best," she whispered.

Everett stepped close, his mouth near her ear. "You aren't taking my children with you. If you want to leave, leave but they stay." His tone was malicious making Marjorie's skin crawl.

Instantly he leaned over and picked Adam up. "Hey big boy, don't you want to stay with Papa rather than at Granda's house?"

"I stay with mama," he said, his bottom lip quivering. Elise backed up instinctively in front of her mother, grasping onto her skirts.

Everett's eyes flashed with anger as he set Adam down, the young boy immediately hiding behind Marjorie. "You turning the children against me now?"

"You've done that yourself," she replied coldly.

"Children take off your coats. You're not going anywhere." Two sets of eyes looked up at their mother trying to figure out who to obey. "I mean what I said Marjorie. You aren't leaving with them… it's my legal right to have them. No court will ever give you custody."

Marjorie swallowed hard knowing he was most likely right. She had thought of it but it had never occurred to her that Everett would even want the children. He never seemed to pay them much mind. He grew furious as she hesitated and he quickly grabbed Adam and Elise by the arms, yanking them towards the stairs. "I said take your coats off!" His voice reverberated off the walls and Lily who was already agitated began to cry.

Marjorie glared at him and shook her head as her heart sank. "Take off your coats children. We'll go see grandma and granda another day."

This time the children complied but she could see that Everett was still angry. She moved past him, herding the children back up the stairs but Everett grabbed her hair pulling her backwards. "Don't you ever let me see you try that again. I'll kill you before I let you take them away from me." His breath was putrid and his words even worse. Marjorie nodded as he let her go, a deep despair settling in her chest.

* * *

A brisk December wind whipped around the young couple who had huddled together for warmth. A light dusting of snow lay on the ground from the night before. The Common appeared deserted as the two of them had hidden themselves away behind a small grove of trees. Sully's arms were wrapped around Michaela holding her in a tight embrace to chase away the cold. Yet both felt immune to the cold as their bodies warmed at this simple contact with each other. Michaela rested her head against Sully's chest, her hands wrapped tightly around his back. She closed her eyes and sighed audibly.

"'Chalea, what's wrong?" Sully asked. "You've been moping all morning. Are ya already thinking about me leaving?"

"Sort of and other stuff," she answered. Sully brought one of his hands up under her chin and gently lifted her head up so that he could see her eyes. Then he gently laid the same hand along her cheek, absentmindedly stroking her skin with his thumb. Michaela felt goose bumps rising on the back of her neck at Sully's light caresses.

"Tell me," he whispered.

"I'm tired of lying Sully," she whispered in return. "I always feel guilty – it never goes away. I feel bad about lying especially to my father. I am afraid it's going to break his heart when he realizes…" she drifted off as tears formed in her eyes.

"Michaela," Sully whispered, "What are ya tryin' to tell me?"

But Michaela had barely heard him; she was still wrapped up in her own thoughts. "It's not just the fact that we are lying constantly- I always feel divided. Our relationship makes me so happy and I can't share it with anybody. I have to keep that part of myself hidden away like it's something to be ashamed of."

Now it was Sully's turn to sigh. "Michaela, it was you who thought this was for the best. I told you a while ago that I didn't want to hide the way I felt about you. But I thought we agreed that until you were done with school, we wouldn't tell anyone. Are ya saying ya wanna stop hidin'?"

"Yes… No…I don't know," Michaela sighed as she gripped Sully tighter fearing a fight was coming. Sully continued to hold her close but now dropped his other hand to rest against her back. Michaela again turned her head against his chest. "I don't want to fight, Sully."

"Me either," Sully responded but Michaela could feel him slipping away. She buried her head in his chest inhaling him deeply willing him to realize how much she needed him. Then she turned her face up to him again, communicating with just her eyes how much she loved him. Sully smiled slightly and shook his head, dumbfounded at the way she always managed to stir him even in the midst of difficult conversations.

Unable to resist her any longer, he captured her lips with his. The kiss was not a gentle one nor did he intend for it to be. Sucking her bottom lip eagerly into his mouth he caressed it with his tongue causing Michaela's breath to catch in the back of her throat. She pressed her body into his wishing that they weren't so disconnected by their heavy winter coats. Their breathing was ragged as they clung to each other, their tongues dancing together. Slowly, Sully pulled back placing gentle kisses to the sides of Michaela's lips. He brought his hand up to run his fingers over her swollen lips smiling gently at her. Leaning his forehead against hers, he asked, "What are we going to do?"

"Continue on," she whispered in reply. "Write letters…" She looked directly into his eyes. "Visit more frequently."

He could see the doubts there and he felt horrible once again knowing he had placed them there. "I will Michaela, I promise. I ain't gonna make that same mistake again." Michaela nodded her head slightly, praying that he wouldn't break his promise.

* * *

**Philadelphia, February 14, 1858**

Michaela trudged home from the library, her arms full of books. It was Valentine's Day but with Sully across the country she wasn't looking forward to it. Instead she planned to get a head start on her reading for the next week, hence the library visit. Robert had invited Miriam out to dinner and the opera and Michaela knew that she secretly hoped that tonight he might ask her to marry him. Letting out a sigh, she let her mind drift to Sully. It had only been a little over a month since she had last seen him but it seemed as if each goodbye was becoming harder and harder. To make matters worse, she had no idea when she would see him again. Shaking her head, she resolved not to think about Sully or she knew tonight would end in her crying herself to sleep.

She was still about a block away from her residence when a familiar form caught her attention. Shielding her eyes from the last rays of a bright winter sun, she tried to make out the person but his back was towards her. It looked like Sully but that couldn't possibly be – he was in Colorado. Quickening her pace, she tried not to get her hopes up. It was probably a suitor waiting for another girl who lived in the same building as Michaela. Suddenly he turned around and she knew. Her legs could not carry her fast enough as she moved towards him.

"Sully," she called as she was only feet from him now.

"Michaela," he said a wide smile on his face.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

"No," he chuckled taking the books from her arms. "I'm really here."

"But how?'

"There is this thing called a train and you get on it and it takes you places," Sully teased.

"Sully," she said playfully slapping his arm. He stopped and looked at her, longing to take her in his arms.

"Can we get rid of these so I can take ya somewhere?" he asked indicating the books. "I mean unless ya have other plans for the evening."

She pointed to the books. "These were my plans."

"Can ya break 'em?" he asked raising his eyebrows at her. "I mean I wouldn't wanna keep ya from studyin'."

"I think I can make an exception for tonight," she said taking the books from him again as she ran inside. "I'll be right back," she called over her shoulder. A few minutes later she emerged from the building. Her hair was down now, the way she knew Sully like it. "Where are we going? Do I need to change my dress?" she asked.

"Ya look beautiful just like you are," Sully said. "But I do have one request."

"What?" she said.

He took her hand and pulled her off the street around the corner of the building. Sully raised his hand to just below her neck fingering the chain he knew she wore underneath her top. "I want you to wear this tonight," he said as he reached under her collar to find the clasp and undo it. Gently he slid the necklace out of her collar and smiled at the ring that hung on the delicate chain. Taking it his hand, he held it up to her. Nervously, she reached out her hand to him as he slipped the ring on her finger. Looking down at her hand, she smiled. Sometimes when she was alone she would put on her engagement ring and just stare at it but somehow it meant so much more to wear it with Sully standing next to her. "I figure no one knows us here," Sully said.

"It's worth the risk," Michaela added looking up into his eyes and seeing the same desire burning within them that burned in her heart. "Oh Sully," she cried slipping her arms inside of his coat and wrapping them around his back to draw him close. "You came."

"Michaela," he whispered staring down into her eyes. As always when they were first reunited after being apart, he kissed her gently pulling back slightly to gauge her reaction. Michaela's eyes were still closed and she lifted her chin slightly, inviting Sully to kiss her again. Dipping his head low, he placed a row of soft kisses to the side of her neck causing her to tingle with anticipation as he drew nearer to her mouth. As she felt his lips kiss the side of her mouth, she turned instinctively towards him covering his lips with her own. Michaela's knees felt weak and she leaned back against the building pulling Sully with her. Teasingly, he darted his tongue out of his mouth and pressed it firmly against her lips. Yet before she could open up to him, he had pulled away again.

"Sully," she whispered growing a little impatient. Her voice was thick with desire and he could resist her no longer. Her mouth opened to him as he covered her lips with his own. Their tongues found each other as Sully pressed his body against Michaela's enjoying the moment that he knew would have to end soon. Slowly he drew away from her, gasping for air as she began to place kisses to his neck and chest.

"When do you have to leave?" she asked in between kisses.

"Two days," he managed to gasp his body still reacting to Michaela's proximity.

"Happy Valentine's Day," she whispered against his ear.

Sully moved away from her and took her hand in his. Raising her hand to his lips, he gently placed a kiss to the engagement ring, "Happy Valentine's Day," Sully repeated.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I have been seriously blocked all week but managed to overcome it last night, the chapter flowing forth. I hope to be able to get more chapters out this week. Thanks for reading – thanks for your reviews!!! Hope you enjoy it!_


	106. Chapter 106

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Six**

**Philadelphia – February 20, 1858**

Michaela lay in the dark contemplating the ceiling, her mind awash with thoughts of Sully. The two day visit in honor of Valentine's Day and her birthday was more than she expected but his leaving was difficult for her. It felt too good to have him close to have to let him go in such a short amount of time. Perhaps that was why she had picked a fight on their last morning together. Regret filled her once again and though they had made up on the train station platform where they kissed their goodbyes, inside she felt unsettled. For days she had played the scenario over and over again in her mind, trying to place these feelings, figure out where they came from. There were doubts – doubts that she would be a good wife and mother, doubts of how she could be a doctor and raise a family, doubts that she could survive in Colorado Springs. Recently added were competing thoughts. She had met Susan B. Anthony again over the weekend at a women's property rights rally and she had sung the praises of Michaela's choice to remain single once again.

Now the same suffocating feeling that had threatened to overtake her then returned. She clutched at her night shirt opening the few top buttons feeling as if she needed more freedom to breath. The letters from her father didn't help matters, each praising her singleness as well. In her heart, she knew her future lay with Sully – it always had but for some reason that truth was becoming more and more obscured in her mind. How could she make them realign? The answer was so simple, sitting right there in front of her and she actually smiled to herself when she thought of it. It was time – past time really. Time to tell her father and her mother – time to announce her feelings for Sully. The division between her heart and mind had to be linked to the division between her public and private life.

She would write to Sully first thing tomorrow and tell him of her desire. Over Easter they would tell the family. Of course there would be shock and perhaps some anger but having them know would help things immensely. She turned on her side closing her eyes, feeling more settled than she had in awhile. The opening of the door caught her attention but she lay still hoping that Miriam would assume she was asleep.

"Michaela," Miriam's voice called out in the semi-dark room. "Are you still awake?"

"Not really," Michaela answered. She sat up in bed anyway knowing Miriam was dying to tell her all about her night with Robert. She leaned over and lit the lamp on her bedside table. "Did you have a good time?" she asked drawing her knees up under her chin.

"It was magical," Miriam voice rang out like a song. "We went to dinner and the opera. And then…"

"Yes," encouraged Michaela.

"He kissed me again when he dropped me off," Miriam giggled finally sitting down on

the end of Michaela's bed. Michaela wasn't sure how to respond to this last statement so she simply smiled over at Miriam who had now lain back on Michaela's bed with a far off dreamy look in her eye. "I never could have imagined in a million years that someone like Robert would be interested in me," she sighed bringing her hands to rest just over her heart. "Michaela he has invited me out again tomorrow night and he wants you to come too. His friend Stephan has really taken a liking to you. I thought we could go out together than it wouldn't be so awkward for you or Stephan."

"Miriam, I don't know," Michaela began as a slight blush crept over her cheeks.

Miriam sat up now and took Michaela's hands in her own. "Michaela, when are you going to start having some fun? All you ever do is study. Do you realize that there are at least a dozen guys interested in you and you won't give one of them the time of day?"

"Don't exaggerate Miriam," Michaela said shaking her head.

"I'm not exaggerating Michaela. You could have your pick of guys. Don't you want to have fun Michaela? Don't you want to get your first kiss? You are twenty five years old, don't you think it's time?" Miriam teased. Michaela nervously dropped her head as the blush on her face deepened. Miriam studied her friend for a moment trying to figure out why she had suddenly gone all red. "Michaela, are you scared?" she asked quietly.

"Scared of what?" replied Michaela.

"Well, of men, of being close to a man."

Michaela laughed. "No, I'm not," she said.

"You can tell me if you are. Sometimes talking with someone more experienced can help."

"More experienced?" Michaela raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, Michaela you don't understand what it is like. The way it feels to be held in his arms, the way your lips tingle in anticipation. Of course I never let things go too far."

"Too far?" Michaela questioned again rather enjoying Miriam's rambling.

"You know- deep kissing," Miriam whispered a blush now playing across her cheeks.

"Deep kissing?" Michaela really was clueless as to what Miriam was referring.

"Oh, Michaela you really are naïve. Deep kissing is when you use your tongues." Michaela couldn't look at Miriam for fear she might laugh. Here her friend was trying to give her advice about something Michaela clearly knew more about. Of course she had never told Miriam about her relationship with Sully. She had never mentioned the way they sneaked off to share passion filled kisses. Deep kissing – Michaela suppressed a chuckle feeling a little wanton all at the same time. She couldn't tell Miriam how incredible it felt when Sully's tongue eagerly explored her mouth or when she reciprocated in kind.

Miriam observed Michaela's flushed cheeks and noticed the way her respiration had increased. Michaela had never mentioned having a beau but maybe… "Michaela?"

"Hmm."

"You have a beau in Boston, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Michaela. Come on, I tell you all about my relationship with Robert."

"Miriam, you're being silly."

"I am not. Look you're smiling. There really is someone. Is he in Boston? Or is he here?" Miriam asked excitedly.

"He's not in Boston or here," Michaela replied shocked that she had actually answered.

"Then where is he?"

"Colorado," Michaela whispered.

"Colorado? But that's all the way across the country. When do you see him?"

"Rarely," she whispered the longing for him already building inside of her.

"Wait a minute, isn't Sully in Colorado?" Miriam asked.

"Yes," Michaela whispered.

"Michaela…. But I thought…" Miriam couldn't complete her sentence as this foreign

notion confounded her.

"I know what you thought. You assumed he was my brother. That is what everyone assumes. They always have. But we were never… like that." Michaela closed her eyes and sighed deeply once again feeling powerless to change what the world so readily pressed upon them.

"I'm sorry," Miriam offered feeling silly at her assumptions.

Michaela shook her head. "You don't need to apologize. We've kept our relationship a secret for the most part. My family doesn't even know yet. We're going to tell them at Easter." Saying the words allowed made her smile again and she found the despair that passed over her moments before lifted quickly. This was her path and everything confirmed it.

"So you're fairly serious?" Miriam asked turning on her side and propping a hand under her head. Curiosity was evident on her face as Michaela nodded unable to contain the silly grin that spread to the corners of her mouth. "So has he?"

"Has he what?"

"Kissed you?"

Michaela almost laughed, the question sounding rather ludicrous to her ears. "Yes, he's kissed me." She gave a slight nod of her head.

"Deep kissing?" Miriam giggled as she asked making Michaela grow even more self conscious. Michaela smiled but dropped her head. "Come on," Miriam encouraged. "I told you."

"That sort of thing is private," she whispered cutting her eyes back towards Miriam.

Miriam rose with a smirk on her face, assuming that Michaela didn't want to admit how inexperienced she was. "It's alright if you haven't Michaela. There's nothing wrong with waiting for that sort of thing until you are engaged or married."

Michaela nodded and watched as Miriam moved throughout the room undressing in order to pull on her nightgown. She sat down on the end of her bed to brush out her hair still watching Michaela curiously. "Do you ever wonder what being married is like?"

Snuggling down under her blanket, Michaela remained quiet her lips pressed tightly together. It was something she thought about often but to actually admit that… she couldn't bring herself to even speak the words out loud. Miriam continued on though ignoring the fact that Michaela wasn't talking. "It doesn't seem like it would be that enjoyable but well I never thought deep kissing would be either and I do like that." She rose and blew out the oil lamp. "Are you going to say anything?"

Michaela opened her mouth to speak but Miriam interrupted her. "I know – it's private." She rolled her eyes as she climbed into bed, quickly falling off to sleep.

Michaela closed her eyes tightly but she suddenly felt rather awake. She couldn't seem to stop thinking about Sully and his kisses after her conversation with Miriam. Running a hand down her side, she brushed over the contours of her body– the rise and fall of her breasts, her flat stomach leading to more private areas that remained unexplored. She didn't think about deep kissing anymore – it came naturally. Yet other things, things of a more intimate nature still perplexed her as she considered them. Her body warmed as her mind raced with thoughts of one person… Sully.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Sully lay beside her, his head propped up with his hand as he watched her, the blue eyes running over the contours of her body. A deep blush settled over her cheeks as she made to pull the sheet up over her flushed skin. Sully stopped her. "Don't I like lookin' at ya."

Michaela cast her eyes downward and Sully immediately noticed how uncomfortable she was. "Sorry," he whispered and pulled the sheet in place for her. "But ya are beautiful."

Raising her eyes to his, a smile of gratitude spread across her lips. "No I'm sorry…. It's still rather new to be…… like this."

The innocence splayed across her face made him want to protect her as he reminded himself that this was only their second morning together as man and wife. Leaning down he placed a series of light kisses to her shoulder becoming lost in the scent of their love making that still hung heavily in the air.

"Sully?"

He raised his eyes to hers, resting his chin lightly on her shoulder. "Hmm?" She didn't speak right away and Sully could see her shyness coming through. "What is it?" he whispered next to her ear moving his head to share her pillow.

"Is this like you imagined?"

"Ya imagined us like this?" he asked in mock surprise.

Michaela grew flustered. "I… well Miriam used to ask me… sometimes…"

Sully softly laughed. "It's better," he growled softly before placing a kiss to her earlobe. "For you?"

Sully could see Michaela smile out of the corner of his eye and he pulled back so that he could see her whole face as she answered. "I used to run my hands down my body and wonder…." She turned to face him. "It's better than that," she whispered.

Suppressing the urge to grin broadly, Sully slipped his hand beneath the sheet tickling her side as he stroked her cooling skin. "Are we gonna stay in bed again today?"

"Sully," she chided playfully.

"What?" He laughed. "No one's here and we are married." His fingers wandered and Michaela gasped as he moved down her body. "And we're on our honeymoon so if we don't want to get out of bed…." Sully's voice trailed off as he watched longing and desire dance in her eyes.

* * *

_March 4, 1858_

_Dear Sully,_

_I miss you terribly and cannot wait until Easter to see you again. I am so thrilled that we have decided to tell my family about us – it will be very freeing. Of course it will come as a shock to them, but I think in the end my father will be happy and supportive even if mother isn't. Honestly I am a little worried about how they will take it at first. I am beginning to regret not telling them sooner but I know everything will be alright as long as we remain strong together. _

_The other day it occurred to me that with my parent's knowing we could finally start making real preparations for our wedding. I know it's still a little ways out but I would like to get married right after graduation. As you know I already have a few ideas for the celebration but it would be great to make them more permanent. Plus I think it will take my mother awhile to accept that I don't want to have the wedding in Boston. _

_I was thinking about spending some time in Maryland this summer and was wondering if you could possibly join me. I think once our engagement becomes public knowledge we will have a much harder time being alone. Please be careful in Colorado so that you can come back to me safely. I miss you and think about you almost constantly._

_All my love,_

_Michaela_

_

* * *

__March 8, 1858_

_Michaela,_

_I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I am that we will finally tell your family about us. I feel like I could shout it from the mountain tops that I love you. Please don't worry about how they will take things. It's going to be hard at first but we will be together every step of the way, I promise you. I can't wait for Easter to be here either. I thought having seen you at Christmas and then on Valentine's Day would help me not to miss you so much but I think the opposite is true. I seem to miss you even more._

_Your idea about spending some time in Maryland sounds great to me. Just let me know when and I'll take the time off. I've been able to save almost all the money I will need to build the house so I want us to think about that as well this summer. If you have anything special you would like I will need to know. I will have the house done before I come for your graduation so that we can get finally start our life together. _

_As for the wedding, whatever you want is fine with me. I have had some thoughts about the honeymoon though and would love to talk about that as well. I love you and miss you. Take care and study hard._

_Love,_

_Sully_

_

* * *

__April 2, 1858_

_Telegram_

_To: Michaela Quinn_

_From Bryon Sully_

_Hope you get this before you leave for Boston. Got word that the train is St. Louis isn't running due to blizzard conditions. Can't make it for Easter but will plan to spend the summer with you in Maryland and Boston. We can tell them then. Love, Sully_

* * *

**Philadelphia – May 28, 1858**

Easter break had come and gone quickly leaving Michaela more restless than ever. She couldn't fault Sully for not being able to make it to Boston but she had so looked forward to finally getting their relationship out into the open. On the train ride there, she had considered telling them anyway but within minutes of her arrival she lost her nerve and a large part of that had to do with her father's continued odd behavior. There wasn't one specific thing she could put her finger on but rather his general attitude. Everyday he insisted she accompany him to the hospital where he introduced her to more and more doctors most of whom treated her with disdain. Yet her father never seemed to notice. Josef tried to open as many doors for her as possible, introducing her to the people who would soon be her colleagues. He spoke as if she would make chief of surgery within a year of her graduation which Michaela knew was utter nonsense even if she wasn't a woman.

The hardest part came right before she returned to school though. Josef told her that he had a surprise for her. When the men delivered the desk, Michaela was confused at first and assumed that Josef was giving her his old one which she had always admired. Yet that wasn't the case at all but rather the new desk was a partner's desk for them to share. Michaela stood ashen faced while her father insisted that they each take a seat to get a feel for the future. Josef seemed so happy and Michaela had never felt so torn in her life. It was becoming increasingly more obvious that telling her family would be extremely difficult and she was glad that she had waited for Sully.

This weighed on her for the rest of spring semester which passed far too slowly for her liking. Sully's letters were a constant and she savored each one as they reminded her just how much she was loved. Still there was no replacing actually having him with her and the minute that final exams were done, she skipped out on celebrating with the rest of her classmates to rush back to the boarding house and pack for her early morning train ride. Tomorrow she left for her land, the place where she felt free and in five days Sully would join her.

After taking a late dinner with the owner of the boarding house, Miss Godfrey, Michaela ventured back to her room to finish packing wondering if Miriam had returned from celebrating yet. The room was dark when she entered, the May sun finally dropping below the horizon. She assumed Miriam was still out from the lack of light so she was surprised when she lit the oil lamp and made out her roommates form prostrate on the bed. Michaela sucked in a sharp breath, a pang of fear ringing through her chest. "Miriam?" she called tentatively.

The lump moved slightly and Michaela realized that the strange sounds she had first encountered were not coming through the open window but were coming from Miriam. After securing the door, she approached the bed. "Miriam what's wrong?" She sat down on the edge and laid her hand on her roommate's back.

Her quivering body relaxed momentarily at Michaela's touch and she fought down the emotion that threatened to overtake her once again. Rolling slightly, Miriam began to speak hoping that putting her dilemma into words might help to dissipate the pain she felt. "It's Robert."

Michaela waited for a moment to see if Miriam would say anything else but the silence grew. When she heard the strangled sob in her friend's throat she ventured to ask, "What about Robert?"

"He took me to dinner to celebrate the end of the school year and he asked me to marry him."

Michaela blinked her eyes rapidly as she tried to make sense of what she had heard. "He asked you to marry him?" Miriam nodded dabbing at her eyes with her pillow case.

"But that's what you've wanted since Valentine's Day."

"I know," she chocked out turning her head back into her pillow as she started sobbing again. "He doesn't want me to be a doctor."

Michaela's eyes grew wide as her previous euphoria slowly drained away. "He what?"

Miriam turned over, staring up at the ceiling unable to meet Michaela's eyes. "He said that I had to choose between being his wife and being a doctor." Her voice quivered as she spoke but she managed to get the words out.

"Oh Miriam I'm so sorry." She reached out and grasped her hand, running her thumb over the back as she tried to offer some comfort. Miriam grew quiet, her eyes finally settling on the top button of Michaela's dress. "What are you going to do?"

Miriam didn't want to speak the words out loud because then she would have to face the truthfulness of them. Still there was no delaying the inevitable – Robert had only given her the night to make her decision. She sat up slowly trying to salvage her dignity as she raised her eyes to Michaela's. "I'm going to marry him."

"But Miriam you've worked so hard for this. You can't just walk away. You're a year short of graduating."

Miriam smiled weakly, unsurprised by Michaela's protest. "I don't have a choice and I do love him."

"You do have a choice, Miriam." Michaela's voice grew louder as her anger flared. "You don't have to settle for some man telling you what to do. You're going to be a doctor – no one has the right to take that away from you."

"It's so easy for you Michaela- coming from money with a father who is a doctor. I've had to work so hard for everything I have. There isn't a job waiting for me Michaela… If I say no to Robert, I'll be passing up the best opportunity I've ever been offered."

"Miriam you've fought so hard for what you have. Are you telling me you're just going to walk away?"

"I'm tired, Michaela… tired of everything being a struggle."

Michaela could hear the despair in her words and she felt it invading her own chest as well. The doubts of her own life were too varied for her to even argue further at the moment. She knew Sully wouldn't make her choose like Robert was but she also knew that outside circumstances might force her hand. Michaela swallowed hard screwing up her resolve to make one final attempt. "Miriam please – don't throw all this away."

Reaching for her nightstand, Miriam pulled out a fresh handkerchief and wiped at her eyes until her face was dry. Staring straight ahead she gave a nod of her head. "I do love him," she repeated speaking to no one in particular. "I'm not really throwing anything away but gaining a husband… a family… comfort…luxury…."

"Miriam…"

The red rimmed eyes turned towards her and Michaela felt as if Miriam could see straight through to her own fears. "There's no point in fighting. They'll always win in the end. You'll see Michaela… you'll see."

The color drained from Michaela's cheeks as she stood. "That isn't true. I won't accept that." She moved quickly across the room to undress, needing to keep busy so that she wouldn't doubt her own words.

Miriam looked at her with something akin to pity. "Don't be angry with me Michaela," she whispered but received no reply. "I love him and I have no doubt we will be happy together." She watched as Michaela pulled her white nightgown over her head and buttoned it to the very top.

"Does he love you?"

Miriam was taken aback by the questions and quickly retorted, "Of course he does – how can you even ask that?"

"If he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to give up your dreams."

A single laugh escaped from Miriam's throat as she lay back down upon her pillow. "It's what we do Michaela – give up our dreams. If we are intimate before marriage, we are the ones who pay the price – not men. Nature made us the bearers of children. It's our body that pays the price – our lives that are risked so that there can be an heir. And if we die, they just get someone to replace us."

"If you believe that, then why would you ever get married?"

"Believe it or not – I want that… I need that. I want to know that someone loves me, that someone wants to take care of me. I want to have his children and to be his wife. I used to think I could have it all – be a doctor and a wife but I can't." She grew quiet, her eyes focused on Michaela's. "I wish I was strong like you… I wish I didn't need him but I do."

Her words echoed through the room as Michaela blew out the oil lamp. There would be no more packing tonight – her heart was too heavy – too heavy for Miriam and for herself. She couldn't escape from an uncertain future that loomed ever closer and Miriam's words and choice had only served to exacerbate her own fears. The night stretched out before them both like a large ink blot as they sought sleep that would not come. Before the sun rose, Michaela packed up her things and Miriam slipped out the door to meet Robert to tell him she was leaving medical school to be his wife.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – June 8, 1858**

Closing her eyes, she breathed in the salty air and relaxed. The feel of the wooden deck beneath her feet and her hair whipping around her face took her back to another time when she was much younger. His arms closed around her waist and she smiled. "You smell good."

Sully laughed. "It's the stuff you bought me for Christmas."

"I have good taste," she teased.

"Are ya gonna to help me sail or stand here all day?"

"It's so nice here." She leaned back against him, turning her head slightly so that she could kiss his neck.

"It might be nice below deck too." Michaela felt the warmth in her cheeks at his suggestion.

"I like the fresh air," she whispered rubbing her nose just below his jawline. Sully sighed deeply but said nothing as he continued to hold her. "I was thinking about Miriam."

"You know I would never ask you to choose like that." Sully held his breath waiting for her answer. There had been several days of needed assurances when he first arrived in Maryland and though it hurt him, he wanted to make sure she didn't doubt him in this way.

"I know. I just can't help to feel bad for her."

Sully stroked her arm for a moment both growing silent as thoughts of their own future flashed through each of their minds. "I suppose I better go back to sailin'." Reluctantly, he let go of her and moved back to steer the boat. Michaela followed behind him and Sully smiled when he realized she was now at his side. "It was a good idea to come here first before Boston."

"The calm before the storm so to speak." Michaela raised her eyebrows as she spoke. Sully reached over and took her hand in his giving it a light squeeze.

"Don't worry 'bout it. Can't change anything by worryin' anyway."

"True." Michaela moved so that she could be closer to him. "How long is Sarah staying in Colorado?"

Sully shook his head. "If the two of you would talk…"

"We talk. I saw her before she left here for Colorado. We were both cordial."

Sully looked at her disapprovingly. "She'll be there all summer 'cause she's in love with Daniel."

Michaela frowned and took a step away from him, knowing full well why he was emphasizing the last part of his sentence. Quickly she spoke trying to change the subject. "Ida seems more relaxed about us bein' alone."

Sully chuckled. "Well seems we're rather tame compared to Daniel and Sarah."

"What?"

"Just goin' on what John says and don't try to change the subject."

"I wasn't," Michaela protested as she avoided Sully's eyes. "Besides Ida already gave me an ear full about my relationship with Sarah. I don't know why the two of you can't leave things alone."

Sully leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Because we want you both to stop actin' silly and start bein' friends again."

Michaela let out a deep breath but said no more, knowing it was pointless to argue with him. Covering her mouth she yawned revealing her own tiredness. "Think my late night is catching up with me."

"Me too," Sully confirmed.

"Is that why we're heading back already?"

"That and I'm gettin' hungry."

Michaela laughed. "I don't know if you were more eager to see me or Ida's food."

"Definitely you," he assured her wrapping one arm around her waist and pulling her to his side. "Course you holding one of Ida's biscuits kinda sounds good as well."

Michaela shook her head and smacked him playfully on the arm before she moved away to lower the main sail as they came closer and closer to the dock.

* * *

Michaela stood at the window of her bedroom looking out onto the river, happy to be in the place she considered home. The smell of bread baking rose up from the kitchen and she breathed in deeply. A light breeze stirred the curtains and she closed her eyes letting it gently whip her hair around her face. The river sparkled in the sun and she watched as a sailboat made its way up the river. She never gave the boat a second thought as a light knock came to her bedroom door.

"Come in," she called turning towards the door a wide smile on her mouth as she already knew who it was.

"Did ya have a good nap?" Sully asked walking over to her.

"I did. You?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Oh Sully it feels like a dream being here with you like this." She let out a contented sigh as Sully wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her in close.

"It was a good idea for us to meet here," he whispered against her ear.

"This is my house. I should get some use out of it."

"Ya never said how ya got Josef and Elizabeth to agree with this."

"I didn't ask. I just sent them a telegram saying that when the semester ended I was going to Cambridge for a couple of weeks."

"Glad ya did."

Michaela entwined her arms around Sully's neck. "I'm glad you could come."

"How could I say no?" he asked leaning in and kissing her lightly on the lips. Sully pulled back but Michaela was hungry for more. Forcefully she pulled him back so that their lips crashed into one another. Before either knew it, they had fallen backwards onto the bed. Sully broke off the kiss and looked down at Michaela his eyes swimming with desire. "I love you," he whispered, "And I can't wait until we are married."

Michaela giggled. "Me either," she said. Sully rolled onto his side and Michaela mirrored his movement so that they could look at one another. "It's getting harder to wait," she whispered.

"I know," Sully replied as he gently stroked her cheek with his hand. "But it's worth the wait. You're worth the wait."

Michaela closed her eyes and snuggled against him. "You are too good to be true," she said.

"I'm gonna remind ya of that next time you're angry with me."

"Me angry with you? Never," she teased hooking her leg over his so that she could slide closer to him. Sully laughed.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Come in, Ida," she called barely moving away from Sully. The door opened and Michaela sat up expecting to see Ida there with the tea she had asked for. It was not Ida. Josef stood there instead.

"Father," she gasped her eyes wide with shock. "What are you doing here?"

* * *

_I seem to be apologizing a lot lately but I am sorry this update took so long in coming. Lots of factors seem to be conspiring to keep me away from fanfic recently. Good news though – spring break next week!!!! Hope you enjoy the chapter (well as much as you can knowing what is coming). The break up will be in two chapters if all goes as planned._


	107. Chapter 107

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Seven**

**Cambridge – June 8, 1858**

Josef's face contorted with rage but he felt frozen, unable to move or speak. The image of the two of them together kissing always haunted him but to catch them like this was more than he could bear. Closing his eyes, he tried to erase the scene only to find it replaying again on the screen of his mind. The thought that they had been intimate horrified him. What if his daughter was already pregnant? These were things he wasn't prepared to think about or deal with. Of course there were ways… ways of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. They were dangerous and controversial but still if it was absolutely necessary…. But she would know ways to prevent pregnancy. Her medical training probably served her well in this regard.

Michaela watched her father's face carefully, unsure what he was thinking. She stood and Sully stood with her. She could sense him strong and solid behind her and it was with this reassurance that she decided to speak. "Father?"

Narrowed eyes met hers, his lips pressed tightly together in a line showing his displeasure. Still he remained quiet, his mind analyzing the situation once again as he tried hard to compose himself. For months, Josef practiced his reaction to their announcement, afraid that he wouldn't be shocked or angry enough. Yet that had not been the case. Rather he was having trouble keeping a cool head. Perhaps it was because of the intimate position they were found in or simply the fact that they obviously planned to spend this time alone unchaperoned.

Another wave of rage engulfed him and he balled his hands into fists at his side. He looked from Michaela to Sully, wanting to unleash his pent up rage on the young man. The rational part of himself wouldn't let him speak though, knowing he would make shambles of the situation. It was natural to be angry but he couldn't do anything stupid that would only serve to drive the two of them together. Looking down at the floor, he tried once again to gain his composure.

"We were planning on telling you when we came to Boston next week." Michaela's face was concerned. She knew Josef would be upset initially but his pale cheeks worried her. Neither had factored in the toll this would take on his health.

Josef's head flew up, rage obvious on his face. "You were planning on telling me?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You were planning on telling me?"

"We were – we wanted to tell you at Easter but I couldn't come." Sully drew an irate look in his direction that quieted him momentarily. The moment of truth was here now and no one was quite sure what to do.

Feeling unable to control himself, Josef turned quickly fleeing from the room. He had calculated and planned for too long to ruin it in a moment of fury. Michaela started after him but Sully stopped her, pulling her shaking frame into his arms. "Let him go. He needs to cool down before we talk."

Burying her head against his chest, Michaela relaxed in his arms knowing she would have to draw from his strength to get through this day. "Sully, he knows," she whispered letting the realization sink deeper into her own mind. "All of the years of hiding…..it's all over. I feel … I feel like a huge burden is lifted off of me."

That wasn't what Sully expected her to say but it reminded him that her experience of this whole situation was different than his. "Michaela," he whispered tenderly, leaning his head down so that it rested against hers. His hands moved along her back and she imagined that each stroke took off another layer of guilt that she had carried for far too long.

"I didn't realize how much hiding this was affecting me." Sully felt the pain deep inside, as the burden she bore became more and more apparent. He opened his mouth to speak but was surprised when Michaela pulled away suddenly full of nervous energy. "He'll want to know…he'll have questions. We never talked about how much to tell him."

"I guess I thought gradually would be best but now…. I suppose we tell him all of it. Ain't no sense in hidin' anymore."

Michaela looked down at the engagement ring on her finger and smiled. "I don't have to take this off again," she said true joy ringing in her voice. She turned to face him, a wide smile on her face. "Oh Sully, I know he's angry and I should be worried but I can't help to feel a little happy as well. He knows – soon my whole family will know."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"No but it's like we always said – he's just in shock right now. When he gets used to the idea, he'll calm down."

Sully swallowed hard, hating to take away even the slight happiness she felt but he wanted her to be prepared for the long process this might turn out to be. "Michaela," he spoke tenderly as he moved towards her. She turned into him, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest. "I want us to be prepared if it takes a while for them to accept us. Let's not get out hopes up just yet."

"Sully don't worry – he'll come around. You'll see, he'll come around."

* * *

**Colorado Springs **

Remnants of a shared lunch littered one edge of the rock. Clothes laid out purposefully to dry in the bright June sun covered the other side. In the middle of the rock, lay Sarah on her back her hair splayed around her face as it dried into the characteristic curls she usually wore. Her camisole was the only thing she had left on but even that was unbuttoned, her body bare to all of nature. Between her legs lay Daniel, his chin resting just above her navel. Sarah's eyes were closed but Daniel's were wide open and alert, wishing hers were the same. He looked towards the water contemplating splashing her but then settled for plying the area around her navel with light kisses.

"Stop that tickles," she complained squirming underneath of him. Daniel laughed and pulled back a little as he blew eliciting goose bumps from her skin. Picking up her hand, she brought it to rest against his head, her fingers teasing his scalp as they traced a circular pattern. Still her eyes remained closed but Daniel's were roving over her body still not used to seeing her in the nude. Slowly his fingers crept up her taut stomach until he could close his hand over her breast, the nipple like a little pebble under his fingers.

"I love you," he whispered watching his hand move with the rise and fall of her chest.

Sarah raised her free hand to shield her eyes from the bright sun as she looked down at him. "You better love me," she teased pulling lightly at his hair.

Daniel laughed against her and Sarah squirmed again as the vibrations tickled her. "You better stop that or you may be in for more than you bargained." Daniel rolled away from her and pulled up so that he could lie beside her, letting his hand move downward trailing across her bare stomach. Sometimes he still couldn't believe that she was here with him like this. Their being together felt so natural that he considered her almost an extension of himself. "Wanna go for a swim?"

She smiled but kept her eyes closed. "Not right now," she said drowsily

Daniel watched her lazily as the sun kissed her already darkening skin, his mind busy with the same thoughts that had occupied him for the past few days. Their relationship was always heavy on the physical side but neither had planned for things to heat up between him so quickly. Though both were acutely aware of Michaela and Sully's restraint, neither had been reared with the same rigorous social code that masqueraded as morals. Both understood the ramifications of their actions, yet they weren't concerned choosing to live only for the moment. Besides it felt so natural to be here together like this, their love being expressed in physical terms.

He shook his head feeling lost in her beauty once again. You're so beautiful," he whispered running a single finger down the curve of her arm.

Sarah shook her head no, catching her bottom lip in between her teeth. "Why do you always say that?"

A soft laugh escaped his mouth. "Why do you always shake your head no?"

It was irritating having her question answered with another question and she sat up pulling her camisole closed at the top. "You don't understand."

Daniel sat up as well and reached for her hand. She kept her head turned to the side, refusing to look at him and Daniel recognized this as one of her moodier times. He often left her alone when she was like this, unsure of what to say or do to make it better but this time something inside told him to try. His voice was soft and gentle hoping to put her at ease. "Can I tell you what I see when I look at you?"

Sarah swallowed hard but nodded her permission remaining turned away from him. Her fingers relaxed in his and he took that as a good sign as he continued. "The first time I laid eyes on you, I thought your skin was the most gorgeous color. It's like the color of caramel." He raised her hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on her knuckle. "I love to run my hands through the soft curls of your hair." He leaned in and took some in his free hand as he continued speaking. "It feels like silk."

"No it doesn't," Sarah protested turning a little to see Daniel's face.

Daniel ignored her words and continued on. "When I look into your eyes I can never decide what color they are. Sometimes they look gray and sometimes dark green. I could stare at them all day."

Now Sarah faced him fully and he could see the beginnings of a smile on her lips. "You can keep going," she said shyly as she lowered her eyes.

"Your lips…" He untangled his fingers from her hair and brought them to her mouth, tracing the outline of her lips. "I love your lips." His voice was sultry and Sarah could see that desire danced in his eyes. "I think you're perfect."

"Nobody's perfect Daniel."

Her words were lost to him though as he pulled her close, placing a series of light kisses to her right temple. "I want to ask you something," he whispered near her ear making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

"What?" she asked breathlessly.

Holding her tight with one arm, he used the other to lightly stroke her cheek. "Sarah I love you… more than I thought it was possible to love somebody. Sometimes you're all I can think about – all I can see when I close my eyes. I don't want you to go away from me again."

"Was there a question in all that?" she giggled, her skin flushing at his words.

Again Daniel ignored her words pressing on to what he wanted to say. "Sarah will you marry me?"

The words hit her ears and she froze instantly. Five little words… five little words that were going to change her whole life. She took a staggering breath trying hard to inflate her lungs. Daniel's eyes were trained on her and she could she the nervousness in his face. "Daniel you don't have to marry me just because we have… made love."

"I planned to ask you this even before you came," he assured her letting his hand run once again over her cheek.

Slowly everything came together in Sarah's mind and she opened her mouth to speak but found words beyond her at the moment. Daniel panicked, pulling away a little so that he didn't see the smile that crept over her lips.

"It's kind of soon… I mean if you want…" He began to withdraw further from her, the color on his cheeks heightening.

"Yes," she whispered wanting to relieve him of his misery. "Yes."

Wide eyed, Daniel turned and pulled her close, kissing her deeply in relief. He smiled broadly as he moved back so that he could see the joy he felt reflected in her eyes. "I don't want to wait." His voice was determined and Sarah could see his jaw was firmly set.

"Sully and Michaela should be there," she whispered leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Michaela?" He was surprised to hear her name mentioned with the word should attached to it.

Sarah's cheeks grew warm. "She is my best friend even if we haven't been acting like it."

Daniel kissed her once again, glad to hear her revelation. Nuzzling her earlobe, he whispered, "How do you feel about getting married in Boston then?"

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland**

Sully and Michaela descended the stairs a short time later; preparing themselves for the confrontation that they knew would come eventually. Ida stood in the kitchen preparing dinner but stopped in mid-stir as they arrived in the kitchen. "Oh Jesus have mercy," she whispered bringing them both into her embrace. "You two done got yourself in a heap of trouble."

"Where is he?" Michaela asked, her eyes nervously darting around the room.

"Had John take him to town. Said he wanted to send some telegrams."

Michaela turned and looked at Sully, perplexed as to what would be so urgent. Was it possible he was already alerting her mother? "Did he say who he was sending telegrams to?"

"Child, ya know your father ain't gonna be tellin' me his business. He didn't stop when I told him ya were restin' and not to bother ya." Ida turned back to the counter now. "Go on and sit down. I'm gonna get ya both somethin' to drink."

They knew it was pointless to argue so they did as Ida had requested, taking seats next to one another. Michaela laid her hands on the table and Sully grasped the one that was closest to him as much for his own reassurance as for hers. He knew they were in for an unpleasant afternoon.

Ida bustled around the kitchen readying a tray before bringing it to the table. She passed out glasses of lemonade and put a plate of cookies in the middle of the table before taking her own seat. "What did he say 'fore he left?"

"Not much," Sully spoke up lowering his glass. "He left before we had a chance to talk." Sully paused for a moment, his eyes meeting Ida's as they shared a worried look. "He was angry.

Ida pursed her lips, turning her head to the side momentarily. "Can't really say it's a surprise. His daddy had a temper. I ain't ever known Josef very well but I can say that if he got a temper, he done come by it honestly."

Michaela's brow wrinkled, growing more and more nervous with each passing moment. She looked down at her engagement ring but the excitement from earlier was gone. Sully watched her, sensing her growing trepidation as reality set in. "Why don't we go out to the porch with these? I think we could all get our mind on somethin' else for a little while."

His suggestion was met with eager nods as they picked up their beverages and changed location. The mood was still tense but the bright sun and sparkling river lightened their hearts at least for the moment. In this way they passed the time until Josef returned. Not one of them heard the approaching wagon as they tried desperately to talk about anything but what they were facing. The footsteps coming through the house were their first indication that Josef was back. Ida stood when the screen door opened and once Josef stepped out onto the porch, she made her own hasty exit.

Michaela straightened when she saw her father and waited patiently for him to begin the conversation. Josef was not in a hurry though and he walked in the opposite direction of the swing, standing awkwardly off to one side, his eyes staring into the distance. His head was pounding and he massaged his left temple with one hand while the other gripped the porch rail.

Having no idea how much time had passed, Michaela and Sully stood as one, their hands entwined. "Father?"

He turned to face them, looking from one to the other as he contemplated where to begin. On the ride to and from town, he planned his words carefully but seeing them face to face his mind felt blank again. "I suppose it's time for honesty all around." He took a deep breath trying hard to remain level headed. "Your mother and I have suspected for some time that the two of you were involved." Josef said it so convincingly that he even believed his own words. "I suppose I never believed you capable of lying to me… of deceiving me."

Michaela swallowed hard at her father's words but nodded her head in agreement. "I'm sorry," she whispered, words that would become commonplace on this day.

"You're sorry? For what – for lying or getting caught? How long would this masquerade have continued if I hadn't shown up here today?"

Sully spoke up now hating the way Josef was making Michaela feel. "We were honest before – we were planning on telling the family at Easter and then I couldn't come so we agreed to tell you as soon as we got to Boston this summer."

Josef did not respond to Sully's words, his eyes still focused on Michaela's. Michaela gripped Sully's hand tightly as she prepared herself to ask the question that had been running through her mind for the last few moments. "How long have you suspected?"

Josef laughed but the sound was cold and unfeeling. Sully felt Michaela tense and he gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "Does that really matter?" Michaela didn't know how to answer him but she refused to drop her eyes. "Besides, don't you think I deserve to have my questions answered first?"

Sully stepped slightly forward now. "Josef you have to understand…" Sully never had a chance to finish before Josef cut him off.

"The only thing I'm trying to understand is how my daughter, my own flesh and blood, who I have bent over backwards to help become a doctor has lied to me for god knows how many years! And you," Josef sneered, "I took you in when you had nowhere to go. I loved you like a son and this is how you repay me?"

Michaela's eyes were wide with fright. She had never seen her father like this. "We wanted to tell you," she said meekly, unconsciously stepping closer to Sully.

"You wanted to tell me," Josef repeated and then he stopped as if he was actually considering this statement. "Now that I find hard to believe because just a couple of months ago you sat in my office and told me you had no interest in any man." Michaela swallowed hard knowing that her Father was right. "And at Christmas Sully was telling me about some girl he'd met out in Colorado." Sully dropped his shoulders and sighed. Josef was right- their deception had gone much farther than just keeping him in the dark.

Both Sully and Michaela had deliberately lied to him. The web of deception was crumbling around them now and they couldn't help but feel like flies stuck in the spider's web.

Michaela felt the tears began to slip down her cheeks as she realized how deeply she had hurt her father. "I'm sorry," she said her voice quivering. Josef looked up at her and the disgust he felt fled momentarily. His little girl was crying and a huge part of him wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Sully also noticed the tears and like Josef he longed to stop them. He pulled gently at her hand and she instinctively leaned into him resting her head against his shoulder as she wiped at her tears with her free hand.

This small movement reminded Josef that Michaela's comfort came from elsewhere now. His anger towards Sully burned deep within him. "How long?" he asked his voice again cold and unfeeling. Michaela looked up at Sully afraid to answer Josef. Her eyes were wide with panic because she knew that their answer could send him completely over the edge.

"Awhile," Sully replied his eyes darting from Michaela to Josef.

Josef slammed his fist down on the porch railing making them both jump. "In case I haven't made myself clear – I am done with evasive answers and lies. I want it all out on the table here and now!"

"It's hard to say when it began," Michaela answered honestly hoping to appease Josef's rage somewhat.

Josef decided to change tactics. "When my mother died, were you involved then?"

"Yes," came their reply in unison.

"Before Sully left school?"

"Yes," Sully replied alone this time as Michaela sniffled loudly trying hard to control the tears that still fell.

"When Sully went to boarding school?"

"Yes," Michaela answered before Sully had the chance to.

"Oh god," Josef moaned as he covered his face with his hands.

Silence fell among the trio as Michaela let go of Sully's hand and stepped toward her father. Gently she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Father we never meant for things to happen like this. We never meant to hurt you." Her voice was soft and still shaky from crying but it was full of love and respect. This only made it easier for Josef to blame Sully all the more. When her father didn't respond, Michaela turned back towards Sully where she found his arms open and waiting. Quickly she moved across to him breaking the connection with her father. He pulled her close as she wrapped her arms around his torso, trying to tell her self that everything would be okay once her father got over the initial shock but Michaela couldn't have been more wrong.

The vein in the side of his neck began to throb as he witnessed such an open display of affection among them. "And this," he shouted, "This is going to end. You're carrying on like an engaged couple!"

"Josef, we are engaged." Michaela held fast to her fiancé as he spoke, glad that he was saying the words first as she wasn't certain how to proceed.

The words felt like another slap in the face for Josef and again he was left momentarily speechless. When he finally responded, his words were directed to Sully. "No you're not engaged. An engagement happens when an honorable young man asks the father for his permission and once he's received that, then the young lady. I haven't given my permission – there is no engagement."

Michaela knew she could stay silent no longer even if she wished to. Letting go of Sully, she again took a step forward. "I'm going to marry him father. I love him – he asked me and I said yes."

"Just stop…. I can't do this anymore." He turned from them, running his fingers through his hair. Though he knew they were serious about one another, he hadn't really counted on an engagement. "We're going to Boston," he informed them, his face set and his tone definite.

Michaela opened her mouth to protest but then decided against it. Things would be easier if she went with the flow for now. "When?"

"Tomorrow. Your mother needs to know… your sisters…." His voice trailed off. "This isn't going to be easy. You both realize that don't you? All of Boston thinks your brother and sister."

"We're not," Sully quickly chimed in. "We never were."

"Yes I am beginning to understand that." His voice was calm as he spoke but obvious displeasure filled his face. "You'll both be ready in the morning. I'll speak to John." He pulled the screen door open and disappeared inside, his mind set on one thing only. Here things were out of his control but in Boston … in Boston he would have allies and tools at his disposal. Things he was going to need if he was to succeed in breaking them apart.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland - June 9, 1858**

The sun was not up yet but the sky was beginning to lighten in the east. He hated to disturb the gentle rise and fall of her chest knowing that she hadn't rested for that long. It was almost midnight when she had snuck down the hall to gently tap upon his door. They had retired to their rooms around nine but neither could rest, the situation with Josef weighing them down heavily. At least together they could draw comfort from each other. Michaela had fallen asleep with her head in his lap as they reclined on the rug in front of the cold fireplace. It was Sully who had moved her to the bed, sliding under the covers beside her and watching over her in between fitful bursts of sleep.

Leaning down, he placed a light kiss to her head right above her left ear. "Michaela," he called softly as he stroked her cheek. She roused a little, her lips puckering as if she were a child who still sucked her thumb. "Michaela," he called again.

This time she opened her eyes and smiled when her gaze fell upon his face. The realization of where she was slowly dawned on her and she sat hastily up. "How… what…I…"

"Shh. You fell asleep in my lap and I put you on the bed."

"And you stayed beside me all night?" Sully nodded, as he brushed some loose strands of hair from her face. Michaela propped herself up a little in order to stretch her arms. "I dreamed crazy things the whole night but I had this feeling as if nothing could harm me." She turned her face towards Sully. "As if someone was watching over me."

"I was," he whispered still amazed at the deep connection they shared. This time it was Michaela who leaned across to place a gentle kiss to his lips. Sully instantly pulled her close as Michaela dropped her head to lie against his bare chest.

"I don't want to go back to Boston," she sighed unhappily. "At least not yet. I feel like a small child the way he is ordering us about."

Sully ran his hand down her arm. "I know but for now it's better we don't stir things up. We knew it was gonna be bad but we always counted on being the ones to tell him. Finding us like he did, having to tell him everything at once – I'm afraid it's taken more of a toll then we counted on."

"I know," she whispered clinging to him tightly.

Sully swallowed hard, his heart beating rapidly as he thought about Josef's visit to his room the night before. "He came to see me last night."

Michaela tensed and Sully regretted not sharing this with her last night. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause I knew it would only upset ya more."

Michaela moved away from him a bit in order to see his face better. "What did he say?"

"He wanted to know… he asked me if we'd been intimate." Michaela looked horrified at his words but Sully tried to reassure her. "Given the way he found us, I suppose it's a fair question."

"It's none of his business," she protested. "I can't believe he asked you that. Even if we … it doesn't concern him."

"Shh." Sully stilled her against himself. "He's your father Michaela. It's been his job to protect you for so long that he still feels like he needs to."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I loved and respected you too much to let that happen." She couldn't help but smile at his words shifting up to place a light kiss on his cheek. "Course I don't think he's gonna believe us if you don't go soon."

His lighthearted tone felt good and Michaela let out a little laugh. "Too true," she said untangling herself from the sheets. "Too true."

* * *

**Boston, 1866**

Michaela looked down at his face, glad that he was resting peacefully. She hated to wake him but she knew others would be up and about soon. "Sully," she whispered letting her fingers trace the outline of his cheekbone. He stirred a little in his sleep, murmuring something incoherent. "It's morning," she added, this time a little louder. Those seemed to be the magic words as he sat up rather abruptly.

His eyes opened and closed several times before he made out her form "Michaela?"

"You fell asleep in here last night and you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you."

"Where did you sleep?" he asked out of curiosity, knowing how cautious they had both been until recently about their physical contact.

Michaela's cheeks grew warm and she turned her face down as she answered. "With you."

"Do ya realize that soon we're gonna wake up every mornin' just like this?" Sully reached his arm out wrapping it around her shoulder to draw her close. She nodded but didn't look up at him. "Michaela… ya alright?"

"I don't want to be here any longer. I don't even know why I came." She laid her head against his shoulder as she spoke, closing her eyes and savoring the feel of his arms.

Sully placed a kiss to the part in her hair, letting his lips linger there for a moment before he spoke. "Cause ya thought maybe he would stop holdin' this grudge against us. Ya would think bein' on your death bed would make your heart soften." Michaela nodded her head but remained silent, drawing strength from Sully. "I don't want ya to give up hope. I didn't mean to get so angry last night, especially in front of the children."

"Oh Sully you had every right to be angry – he shouldn't speak to you like that. And I already told you that I spoke to the children. They understand what happened."

"Still... I need to control my temper. He's your father and they don't need to see my disrespectin' him like that."

Michaela lifted her head and smiled at him bringing a hand up to stroke his cheek. "Have I told you how much I love you recently?"

Sully laughed. "You can always tell me again."

Her face grew serious as she raised herself up further to be level with his lips. "I love you," she whispered moving closer until her lips met his. It felt strangely wonderful to wake up together, sharing innocent kisses as the passion grew between them. Sully leaned in to her, letting his tongue run along her bottom lip before taking it in between his teeth and playfully nipping at it. He started to pull away but Michaela's hand at the nape of his neck pushed him back into position, desire getting the best of her momentarily. They slid down in the bed, until Sully lay over her – the kisses growing more and more heated by the minute.

It was Michaela who finally broke them apart, pushing lightly on his chest. Instantly Sully moved away, smiling down at her. "We better stop," she whispered a twinkle in her eye.

Sully groaned loudly giving a little shake of his head. "Alright," he said begrudgingly right before he placed another kiss to the side of her neck. As he moved to the side, he let his hand linger around her waist wanting to be connected to her as he said this next part. "Let's not leave until Thursday. That'll give ya a few more days with your sisters and I know you wanted the children to see the art museum and library. Ya don't have to see Josef if ya don't want to."

"Thank you," she whispered, placing a feather light kiss to his brow. "I don't know how I could do this without you." Sully smiled and moved closer to kiss her once more but she stopped him. "I think you better go before someone catches us."

"Soon it won't matter," he laughed.

"Yes but for now it does."

The both laughed now, feeling rather like youth than adults. Reluctantly, Sully climbed out of bed, dreaming of the day when he would be free to wake up with her every morning.

* * *

_I really thought I'd have this up earlier- the chapter was done except for these final two scenes which I have fussed with all day. Another chapter by Friday at the latest. Thanks for reading – hope you enjoyed!!!_


	108. Chapter 108

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Eight**

**Cambridge, Maryland – June 9, 1858**

As Michaela stepped off the porch, the morning sun made its way up over the horizon, casting elongated shadows over the landscape. After returning from Sully's room, she found herself fully awake and decided to spend the solitude of the morning talking to someone she missed dearly. Walking the path from the house to the collection of graves, she stopped outside the little white gate that separated the graves from the area around. Ornate stones jutted up out of the ground around the plot of land and Michaela found it strange to have such ostentatious objects in the middle of nature. She knew they spoke of another time, when the house was the head of a mighty plantation and the fields planted with crops. It reminded her how quickly things changed – how quickly her own life was changing.

She let herself in through the gate, walking the short distance to the reddish colored stone and dropping down beside it. With her pointer finger she traced the A in her grandmother's name, the first tear slipping down her cheek. "Anna," she whispered closing her eyes. A light wind rustled the trees and though Michaela thought it was foolish to believe that somehow her grandmother was with her, part of her wanted to. "Father knows about Sully and me. He's angry – angrier than I've ever seen him." Her words hung in the air for a moment and then were carried away by the wind, leaving a hollow feeling in her soul. She moved to rest her head against the flat stone, tears now spilling out of her eyes and falling to the ground. It was only here in this moment that she realized exactly how much she missed her grandmother.

Earlier, John saw Michaela walking towards the small graveyard and he had given it some time before following her. The chance to speak to either of them alone was slim and time was now quickly slipping away. He still hoped to meet Sully in the barn before breakfast but right now he felt as if he was being led to follow Michaela. Her bowed head and sobs stirred his heart as he quickened his pace. The squeak of the gate caught her attention and she hastily raised her head wiping hopelessly at her tears.

John dropped to his knees beside her, laying his hand on her back. Michaela turned into him instinctively as it occurred to her that John was like a father too, always had been. Neither spoke for a moment – Michaela still softly weeping and John waiting for her to calm a little. John brushed the grass with his free hand looking at the tombstone and then back down at Michaela. "First time I saw ya I knew you were like her…. so much like her." Michaela raised her head a little and smiled weakly, encouraging John to continue. "When she done come back from Baltimore sayin' she gonna marry your grandfather, the whole house was turned upside down. Ain't nobody thought it was a good idea. I think that done haunted her whole life through."

Michaela sniffled a little as she thought carefully about John's words. "But she married him anyway."

A broad grin came to his face, his eyes obviously seeing back through the years. "I didn't know her then but I ain't ever seen anyone stop your grandmother once her mind was made up."

Confusion reigned in Michaela's mind as it tried hard to put together the little snippies that she knew of Anna's life. It was rather like a jigsaw puzzle and she was certain that there were some missing pieces. "But she wasn't happy in Boston. I know that when her father was sick, she came here … she didn't want to go back."

"That cause your grandmother's heart was torn. She love your grandfather but she love this place too. Couldn't have both. Bible done say ya can't have two masters – ya always end up loving one and hating the other."

"Do you think she ended up hating my grandfather?"

"No m'am – I don't. But she hated Boston and she hated that he made her stay there." He grew silent for a moment, looking off to the right. "Ya can't always have it all."

Michaela drew in a deep breath feeling the same panic beginning just under her breastbone. All she could think about was Miriam having to choose. Was John saying that she would have to choose between being a doctor and being Sully's wife? She swallowed hard and then put her thoughts into words that came out softly, belying her confusion. "You… you don't think that I can be a doctor and Sully's wife?"

"Ain't what I said…. Said sometimes ya gotta choose. Maybe your father ain't gonna accept this – are ya ready for that?"

She relaxed a little when she caught his meaning. "Oh but he will – he's just upset right now. After he's had time to cool down…" Her voice trailed off trying to imagine what it would be like if she did have to choose between her family and Sully.

John nodded and rocked back on his heels, his eyes considering her carefully. "Ya just be careful Miss Michaela. That boy love ya and I know ya love him. Just don't want to see y'all hurt."

Michaela smiled widely. "You'll see John – it's going to be fine. My family needs time but they'll come around. It's really going to be fine."

* * *

The train ride from Baltimore to Philadelphia was normally a very short leg of the journey but today it felt like forever. The tension in the compartment was thick, hardly any words being exchanged between the three of them. Sully and Michaela sat on the same side but on opposite ends, Michaela reading a medical journal and Sully perusing a book of poetry Michaela had bought him. They both continued to sneak furtive glances at one another, offering each other hidden reassurances that they could withstand this as long as they stood together. When the train finally stopped in Philadelphia, Michaela stood quickly mumbling that she needed to go to the washroom.

"Me too," Sully added. Josef looked up wanting to stop them both but didn't. The shock and anger of the previous day was dulled now leaving only a cold disappointment in his daughter and a hatred of Sully. Still he couldn't forbid them to go off – he had to get control of his emotions.

Once in the corridor Sully practically ran off the train, Michaela's hand held fast in his. He jumped from the door joining the sea of people saying hellos or goodbyes to those on the platform. Still he held fast to Michaela, weaving through the groups to put a little distance between Josef and them. "Sully," she called breathlessly, laughing as she tripped over her own feet. "Too fast."

"Sorry," he whispered pulling her close hidden amidst the crowd of people now. "Feels like forever since I could do this."

Michaela laughed. "You better get used to it. Things will have to be different in Boston."

"Things are always different in Boston." Sully rolled his eyes as he spoke, teasing her.

"No I mean very different now. There won't be many opportunities to sneak off alone. We will be chaperoned when we go out."

"Chaperoned?" Sully asked incredulously. The very idea was ridiculous to him.

"Don't worry." She reached up and lovingly touched the tip of his nose. "I think Rebecca would make an excellent chaperone. She'll let us be."

Sully looked at her doubtfully and raised his eyebrows. "In that case I better get in a kiss when I can." Michaela smiled as he leaned close, their lips meeting gently. As they pulled away from each other, they both felt the heaviness descend upon them once again. A fleeting moment of freedom was all they were allowed.

Laying her head against his shoulder, she tried to relax but found her nerves too frazzled to allow that. "I talked to John this morning."

"We talked too." He hesitated and looked down at her, sensing her deepening mood. Ya alright?"

"When do you have to return to Colorado? We never talked about it and I can't bear thinking about you leaving right now."

Turning his body in some, he laid his head next to her ear. "I ain't goin' til the end of the summer."

"Thank you," she whispered kissing his cheek. "Thank you."

The conductor called all aboard and they slowly made their way back to the boarding train, holding tight to one another until they climbed on board. The walk back to their compartment was over all too soon for either of their liking. Josef looked up but didn't speak a word as they entered, watching as Sully settled on the far end across from him. Michaela looked at her father and then almost defiantly walked the length of the compartment and settled down beside him wanting to reach over and touch his arm or at least pull herself closer to him. Yet Josef's foreboding presence on the other side of the compartment stopped her. She kept her eyes trained downward, unwilling to see the disappointment in her father's eyes once again. Nonetheless, she continued to tell herself that he would come around. He was only angry that they had lied and kept their relationship a secret for so long. She simply couldn't accept that he would be against them completely.

Josef watched his daughter, knowing she was purposefully avoiding him. When Sully reached over and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together Josef tried to remain calm. It wasn't enough that they had lied or kept such a secret – now they insisted on flaunting their relationship at every turn. Josef turned to look at the passing countryside as a cool resolve settled deep within him. Forcing them apart would accomplish nothing – this anger that he had expressed over the last day had to be controlled. More could be accomplished by making them believe he was on their side.

Michaela glanced up as he turned back to face them. "Michaela, Sully – I need to apologize…" He stopped taking a deep breath before continuing on with his charade. "This has all been quite a shock."

"We understand," Michaela replied, a small ray of hope rising inside.

"I need time to process all of this but I love you both. I want the best for you both. I just want you to know that." Michaela squeezed Sully's hand as she smiled over at her father. Sully smiled as well but inside he wasn't quite sure whether to take Josef's words at face value.

* * *

**Boston – June 10, 1858**

The office window was open half-way, a light breeze blowing in and rustling the papers on the desk. The monogrammed stationary was held down by a paperweight and Elizabeth carefully slid out another piece in order to finish her letter. At the opening of the door, she raised her head but when she saw Josef she lowered it again to finish her letter. She was still upset with him for running off to Maryland, which she considered frivilous. He had insisted on spending some time with her though, going on about it being the perfect opportunity for them to talk about her future. Even then Elizabeth suggested he had an ulterior motive but what it could be she wasn't sure. The telegram explaining that they would be returning to Boston right away had taken her by surprise and she was angry that he hadn't explained more thoroughly.

Josef took a seat in one of the embroidered chairs remaining silent. The pounding in his temple had only increased since they arrived home. Knowing that Michaela and Sully were out alone wasn't appealing either but he was at a loss to stop them. After all he was the one that insisted that Sully would need to stay elsewhere for the summer, unwilling to makes things look worse than they already were. When they suggested checking with Marjorie to see if he could stay in her guest house, he couldn't turn around and tell them they weren't allowed to go.

Elizabeth finished the letter and set down her pen in the ink well. She then moved the letter to the side to wait for the ink to dry as she looked up at her husband. His brow was creased with concern, his face ashen. "Josef is everything alright? You look tired."

"I am," he whispered, his eyes focused out the window.

Elizabeth's face sharpened, disapproval obvious in her tone as she spoke. "Well I'm not surprised. Setting off for Maryland like that – and then not even staying. I thought the whole point was to spend some time with Michaela. Anyone would be tired after only spending one night there before returning to Boston, especially at your age." A little shake of her head was to show she wasn't happy with his actions but it was lost. Josef still stared aimlessly at some distant point; the biting remark falling short of its mark. Elizabeth sighed heavily and folded the letter to place it in an envelope, glancing occasionally at her husband. Still there was no change in his demeanor and she instantly grew worried. "Josef, should I send for Dr. Cook? Are you not feeling well?"

"It's not that. Physically, I feel fine."

She now rose from her desk and came around the side to lean against the front. Josef looked up at her with lifeless eyes which only concerned Elizabeth more. "Then what's wrong?"

"You were right," he muttered, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "I've been blind for so long."

"Josef?" Elizabeth asked tentatively. "What do you mean I was right?"

"Sully was in Cambridge with Michaela."

"What?"

Josef shook his head. "They've been sneaking around behind our back for years."

Elizabeth felt the overwhelming urge to say I told you so but she suppressed her desire. "Where are they now?"

"Here. I brought them back here," Josef replied his voice monotone and lifeless. He turned and met Elizabeth's eyes. Elizabeth was startled by the desperation she saw there. "You have to help me Elizabeth. This can't be."

With hooded eyes she moved to the chair beside her husband, her mind working quickly as it tried to assess the damage this would inflict to the family's reputation. "Are they serious?"

"Engaged."

A gasp escaped her lips, the trademark calmness instantly fleeing. True she had suspected and believed that her daughter and Sully held feelings for each other. Yet she never considered it a real relationship but rather a potential one. They were close – too close for her liking but she hadn't counted on something like this. Their time spent apart perplexed her when added to this new information. "Engaged?"

Josef ignored her question, continuing on with his own thoughts. "We can't allow this but we can't forbid it either." His words were strangely controlled and calm.

"Of course we can forbid it," Elizabeth replied, her voice the complete opposite of her husband's. "We're still her parents last time I looked."

"If we forbid it, he'll convince her to run off with him. She has her own money – her own land…." His voice trailed off, his face falling towards the floor.

"We'll I'm not going to sit here and allow it. Do you know how this is going to look?" Josef remained stone faced, his mind still elsewhere. He knew telling Elizabeth would elicit this sort of reaction but it wasn't bothering him. His mind was set on the path they needed to walk and he was simply waiting for her to get past the anger of the moment. "Are you going to say something?"

Josef gave a little shrug of his shoulders as he looked up at her. "What is it that you want me to say?"

"She's going to ruin us… ruin this family's reputation. I'm not willing to let that happen!" Her cheeks flushed as she spoke, further accenting the way she felt.

Josef stood now and walked to the window. He could hear her tapping her foot impatiently on the floor but he needed a moment. Slowly he turned back towards her as he leaned against the wall. "I don't want that to happen either but we have to be smart about this."

Elizabeth was barely listening to him, her anger against him now flaring. From the minute he had told her, the desire to blame him was present in her mind. She had suppressed it but now the dam burst and her venom came spewing forth. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him, standing up to her full height. "This is entirely your fault! I've warned you over and over again and now…. Right under our noses, your daughter is engaged – engaged to someone who was practically her brother. Do you have any idea how often they've been alone? That by itself could ruin us."

A look of defeat met her defiance taking all of the bite out of Elizabeth. "You're right. Completely right." He waited for the look of shock before he continued. "If you're done, then we need to talk about how we are going to stop this."

Opening her mouth to speak again, she stopped just as quickly. Josef was serious – dead serious which meant she had nothing left to do but listen.

* * *

**Boston – June 18, 1858**

The first week in Boston was not as bad as Sully had imagined but that was possibly because he wasn't staying at the Quinn household. Marjorie, for some strange reason, was reluctant to let Sully stay in their guest house but in the end Rebecca came through. The room wasn't separate from the house but it was still private enough for Sully who was used to the lumber camp. Plus he thoroughly enjoyed Rebecca and Robert who were most gracious hosts. The children were overjoyed with his presence especially Anne who saw this as her opportunity to catch his eye.

Rebecca already knew about their relationship, though Josef and Elizabeth weren't aware of this fact. She was sympathetic to them knowing it would be hard to wait out the tide of Josef and Elizabeth's anger at being lied to. Still she was concerned as well. The fact that Sully and Michaela were in Cambridge together alone worried her simply because she knew how it felt to be young and so in love. Making a mistake at this point in their physical relationship could be unforgivable in the eyes of Boston society. Elizabeth was very comfortable leaving the supervision of the couple to Rebecca when they were at her house and much to Michaela and Sully's chagrin she kept a close watch on them for this very reason.

Surprisingly, Elizabeth had only spoken briefly to Michaela about her engagement to Sully. Michaela was prepared for yelling and lots of it but the surprise was pleasant and she became too comfortable with the quietness of both her parents. It should have been a warning sign for her but this early on, it wasn't. Most days she spent at the hospital with her Father who did his best to bury his own disappointment when she was around. He hated the ring on her finger with a passion but kept his feelings locked inside showing a great deal of restraint. Elizabeth was busy making sure that word of Michaela's engagement wasn't getting out. That wasn't as hard as she first thought. Unlike her sisters, Michaela wasn't a social butterfly and even when she was home, few visitors came to call on her. The sisters were all warned by their mother to keep the news under lock and key for the present. Maureen and Claudette were of course appalled and they thought it imperative that word not get out. The ring attracted little attention in the hospital; most men were more upset at her presence in general rather than taking time to notice an engagement ring.

Thus the first week passed uneventfully for the most part and both were glad that the weekend was finally here. Michaela had fled Elizabeth's unpleasant looks as soon as possible this particular Saturday morning determined to find a few minutes alone to spend with Sully at her sister's house. Thankfully, Rebecca wasn't feeling her best and she was only too happy to have the children out from under foot when Sully suggested a game of hide and go seek. Jacob was down for an afternoon nap and so the three older children and Michaela scattered around the yard as Sully counted to fifty his eyes closed tight, his head resting against an oak tree they had declared base.

"Ready or not, here I come," sang out Sully as he uncovered his eyes and began to move through the backyard looking for any sign of movement. Robert and Rebecca's backyard was huge and full of great hiding spots so he knew it could be awhile before he found anyone. Slowly he stalked along the garden path trying to be as quiet as possible in hopes someone would give themselves away. A giggle caught his attention and he turned quickly in the direction of the sound. Creeping along silently, he startled Michaela as he touched her shoulder from behind.

"One down, two to go," he said laughing.

Michaela smiled up at him invitingly. "Let them hide for a few more minutes," she said wrapping her arms around Sully's back and drawing him near. Sully quickly leaned in and kissed her lips savoring the chance to be alone with her. These moments had been few and far between since they had returned from Cambridge. As he pulled away he felt her lips travel down his neck causing his pulse to race. Teasingly, she pulled back running her tongue over her lips as she smiled up at him.

"If ya only knew what ya do to me," Sully breathed. Michaela giggled as she felt his arms run up her sides tickling her slightly.

"And what do I do to you?" she asked cheekily.

Sully shook his head and leaned in again to meet her lips. The kiss deepened and both became lost in the moment unaware of the time that was passing. Michaela's eyes were closed and she moaned in pleasure as Sully placed light kisses to a sensitive spot on her neck. Slipping his tongue out he tasted the sweetness of his skin as Michaela's hands slipped lower down his back.

A surprised gasp caught their attention and they both turned quickly to find Anne standing there her eyes wide and her nostrils flaring. "No wonder you weren't looking for us," she shouted her voice full of venom.

"Sorry," Sully muttered knowing that this was about more than a game of hide and seek.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't either one of you tell me?"

"Anne," Michaela began. "We hadn't told anyone until this summer."

"How could you do this?" Her eyes were full of tears as she looked between the two of them. "I loved you Sully!" she cried and then turned to flee.

"Anne!' Sully started to run after her but Michaela stopped him.

"No I'll go," she said gently.

Sully hit the tree with his fist. "Another Quinn family member who is just thrilled to see us together."

"Sully it's infatuation. You know she has always liked you."

"I know. It's just…"

Michaela stood on her tiptoes and placed a quick kiss to his lips. "Don't worry. I'll talk to her." With that she turned and ran after her cousin who had made a beeline for the back porch while Sully recollected himself in order to search for Robert and Emily. Neither knew that this one small incident would have repercussions that would effect the rest of the summer.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - 1867**

"Apples, peaches, pumpkin pie, If you're not ready holler I!" Colleen's voice cut through the silence of the yard traveling to the barn and beyond. Hearing no answer, she started off around the back of the house, yelling as she walked, "Ready or not, here I come!"

Michaela heard it all as she watched out the ventilation slats in the barn's loft. This was the first morning in a while that she hadn't woken up miserable and she knew the children were grateful for that as well. Anxious to make the weekend enjoyable for the whole family, she had suggested the game of hide and seek. For close to six weeks, she struggled with morning sickness but the past few days the nausea had lessened leaving her optimistic that it would soon dissipate altogether. The rustle of hay broke her silent reverie and she turned to see Sully beaming at her from the top rung of the ladder.

"This hiding place is taken," she giggled watching as he stepped into the hay making his way towards her.

"No room for me, huh?"

Michaela twisted her mouth to the side as if she was giving the question serious thought. "Perhaps," she replied as he kneeled down beside her.

"How ya feelin'?"

"Better than I have for a long time." Her face glowed as she spoke and Sully felt a smile moving upward from his lips. With one hand, he caressed the small bulge on her belly that was becoming more and more prominent daily. The other hand went to her back, rubbing the same place that he knew often hurt her at the end of the day. "That feels nice," she whispered, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Ya shouldn't have climbed up here," he chastised her, continuing to work his magic on the sore muscles of her lower back.

Feeling his hand unbuttoning the bottom button of her shirt, she pulled back. "If I had hid elsewhere, you probably wouldn't be able to do this." She didn't stop him, knowing he simply wanted to lay his hand over the small firm area on her belly as he did every night in bed.

"When did ya say we'd be able to hear the heartbeat?" His eyes sparkled as he questioned her. Michaela had seen many an excited father at the announcement that a wife was pregnant. Yet Sully was by far the most excited and eager she had ever seen.

"A few more weeks. Don't worry, I check every morning."

He looked up and their eyes locked, the joy they each felt reflected back perfectly. "I love you," he whispered, moving forward to place a kiss to her forehead. Michaela moved quickly though, straightening her body so that she could kiss his lips. When she pulled back, a familiar gleam was in her eye. "Haven't seen that in awhile."

"What haven't you seen?"

"Ya lookin' like that."

"Like what?"

"Like ya feel like some holdin'."

Michaela blushed but didn't look away. "I haven't felt this good in awhile," she assured him leaning in to kiss him once again. This time the kiss grew as both momentarily forgot their surroundings. Again and again, one made to move away and the other brought them back as their tongues danced in a unique rhythm that only the two of them understood. The opening of the barn door caught their attention and they finally parted both gasping.

"Hope ya feel this good later," he whispered seductively as Michaela spotted a pair of eyes peeping up over the edge of the loft.

* * *

**June 20, 1858**

The swaying motion of the train along the track wasn't helping the naseua that had plagued her since they departed St. Louis. Daniel could see she was looking uncomfortable again and he shook his head wishing he could do more for her. Standing, he held out his hand to her as he suggested, "Why don't we go for a walk? It helped last time."

Sarah smiled weakly at him, amazed at how tender he was with her. "Is it that obvious?" she chuckled wondering if she looked green.

"Nope – just thought some fresh air might be nice." Sarah nodded and rose, steadying herself on the back of the seat as Daniel linked his arm through hers. She looked down at the ring on her finger, the one Daniel had bought for her in Denver. For her, the sight of it on her finger was stirring and surreal all at the same time. Everything still felt so surreal though. Never in her life had she been this happy and the thought that it would all come crashing down haunted her. Each morning when she awoke, she was hesitant to open her eyes, afraid that during the night things would revert back to the past. Yet every morning, Daniel was beside her – holding her tightly to his chest in a loving embrace.

They walked along the corridor for awhile in silence and then stopped in front of some open windows , letting the air hit them full in the face. Sarah finally relaxed a little as the nausea began to pass. "This is better," she said seeing the worry still etched on Daniel's face.

"Do ya still think it's something ya ate?"

"Can't be – not after three days of this. But I feel better today than yesterday."

Daniel did not look convinced. "I think ya should have Josef examine ya when we get to Boston."

"If I still feel bad," she added.

Daniel shook his head but pulled her close. "I can't wait to be married to you. I can't wait to see the look on Sully and Michaela's face when we tell them."

"Me either," she said smiling and closing her eyes.

"Sarah, tell me how you feel."

"Happy and excited and ready… ready to start our life together." She reached down for her hand and took it in her own giving it a light squeeze. "And nauseated…"

They both laughed, Daniel continuing to stare at her even after she turned to watch the passing scenery. Sarah found his gaze disconcerting though and eventually turned back to him. "Why are ya staring at me?"

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against her ear. His breath tickled her sensitive flesh making her giggle.

"Don't flatter me," she replied saucily, cutting her eyes up at him.

"I love the color of your skin," he continued ignoring her look. "It reminds me of caramel."

"Ya stole that line from Michaela," Sarah charged.

"Maybe," he admitted. "But it is the truth. And your hair – ya have the most beautiful hair I've ever seen."

"Now I know you are lyin'. Michaela's hair is much prettier than mine." She gave him a curt smile.

"Michaela who?" he teased.

"Ya forgot her already, did ya?" His arms encircled her and she turned her face up to his, ending the teasing game. Gently he descended letting his lips hover just above hers. Then in one quick motion, he kissed her deeply surprised once again by the woman who stood in front of him. The clearing of a throat in disapproval caused them to break apart and served as a reminder that they weren't in the west anymore. They giggled and joined hands once again to head back to their compartment. Once more day and they would be in Boston.

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed!_


	109. Chapter 109

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Nine**

**Boston – June 23, 1858**

Michaela sighed unhappily and moved over to look out the window. She had known this was going to be hard but she wasn't prepared for just how hard it was going to be. From down below, the sounds of guests arriving greeted her ears but she didn't feel jovial in the least. Sully already had knocked once and she knew he would be back within moments but she simply couldn't motivate herself to finish getting ready. The last three days were some of the worst of her life and if it hadn't been that Sully stood beside her, she would surely have succumbed to the monumental pressure that seemed to squeeze her from every side.

After Anne witnessed their kiss, she ran straight to Rebecca who Michaela assumed would be reasonable about the incident. What she didn't count on was that rarely are people reasonable when it comes to their own children. Anne's tears worked their magic on her mother and combined with the slightly embellished story of the passionate embrace, Michaela found herself on the end of a rather serious lecture from her sister about propriety and resisting temptation. Feeling like a young scolded child, Michaela quickly gathered her things and bid Sully good-bye not knowing that he would receive a similar lecture from Robert that evening. Rebecca had in no way deserted Michaela and Sully but that is how it had felt to Michaela. She simply was upset that her young daughter was witness to such a display from two unmarried individuals. In this case perceptions were stronger than reality and Michaela believed that Rebecca was now against them

Part of the reason for this belief on Michaela's part was the lecture she received from Elizabeth just the day before. Given the subject matter of the lecture, she assumed Rebecca had told her mother about the incident. Rebecca never planned for it to get back to Elizabeth, rather it was the gossiping of servants that caused the tale to spread, being exaggerated each time it was retold. Michaela endured the lecture stoically but was reduced to tears later that night in bed, believing the world was against her and Sully.

Yet the final straw had occurred only moments ago. The other things she could manage, pretend that they hadn't happened but the request from her father had unnerved her. She knew what it meant perfectly. All of his words on the train, all of his actions since they had arrived home were lies. When the knock had first come to the door, she assumed it was Sully and answered it excitedly, looking forward to spending the afternoon with him even if it was in a crowded room. Her face fell a little when she realized it was her father instead. Josef noticed right off and he felt his own anger rise but it was suppressed knowing he had to make this next bit as believable as possible.

Wasting no time with formalities, Josef came right to the point. "Michaela I wanted to ask you not to wear your ring this afternoon."

Michaela's face was full of confusion. "My ring? My engagement ring?"

"Only because we haven't had a chance to announce this properly. I mean no one knows of your engagement but the family and for now your mother and I would prefer it stayed that way." Josef quickly realized how that sounded and made to correct himself. "Only until we can announce it formally of course, after that it won't be an issue."

"But I wear my ring to the hospital everyday. It's not an issue then."

"Well, no. Most men don't notice such things but there will be many women from the flower club here today. We wouldn't want to give them the wrong impression." Joseph shuttered thinking how much he sounded like Elizabeth or worse yet like his own grandmother. "You know how silly Boston society is; they take things and run with them." He gave her a quick smiled and pulled her into a hug. "Just for today," he assured her placing a peck to the top of her head.

Michaela made no reply, never committing to take the ring off before her father left. Even now as she stood here contemplating what to do, she felt torn. She did understand Boston only too well and she knew how hard scandal was to squelch. If it hadn't been for the past few days, feeling like everyone was against them, she possibly would have made a different decision. Yet under the pretense of wanting the best possible footing as she and Sully started their life together she removed the ring.

Another knock at the door made her jump just as she closed her jewelry drawer, the ring safely placed between two pads covered with velvet. Before she had a chance to answer, Sully stuck his head in the door. "Michaela," he called his voice rife with excitement. "Come on. Daniel and Sarah are here."

"Daniel and Sarah? But I thought they were in Colorado?" She covered one hand with the other feeling guilty for her previous actions. Perhaps he wouldn't notice that her ring was missing. Deep down she wanted to tell him but knowing how hurt Sully had been by Joseph's reaction in the first place she stopped herself. The fantasy was ruined for her but if she could just keep it alive for Sully until she managed to show her father how right this was. Sully certainly didn't deserve more grief.

Sully didn't notice her flushed cheeks and erratic behavior, too excited by the sudden appearance of their friends. "They said they have something to tell us. Come on." He waved frantically to her as he spoke.

"Go ahead. I'll be down in just a moment. I need to find my shoes." She lifted the edge of her dress to reveal her bare feet.

"And your stockings too," Sully laughed seeing her naked ankles. "Need some help?" He raised he eyebrows at her as he spoke.

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "No… thanks. I'll be right down."

"Alright." With that he closed the door, his mind still too distracted to think about why Michaela was acting so peculiarly.

The solace of the empty room helped Michaela clear her head. She walked back to the jewelry drawer once again to look in on her ring. "For a few hours," she whispered to herself. "Only a few hours." With that she squared her shoulders and went to find her stockings and shoes knowing she could only hold Sully at bay for so long.

A few minutes later she emerged from her room and walked to the top of the stairs, the heat of the June day already becoming too much for her. She observed the scene below, the sea of people arriving for her mother's garden party. Women dressed in their best garments laughing and smiling. Michaela knew it was all for show; one moment they were giving away compliments and the next talking about the same person as soon as their back was turned. Children running wildly about, glad to be free for the moment of parental supervision. Men standing in groups, their expressions serious as they discussed the threat of war with the South, an issue that was on everyone's minds now.

Michaela searched for Sully and finally spotted him. Though in fact it was Sarah she noticed first; the cascade of curls catching her attention. They chatted animatedly and then she could just catch a glimpse of excitement in Sully's eyes before Sarah flew into his arms. With all her defenses gone, rationality flew out the window. It was for her the last straw in a sense and though she fought hard against the feelings of jealousy and anger, she found she could not overcome them. With her heart beating wildly inside her chest, she descended the stairs immediately letting herself into the dining room as she tried hard to compose her emotions. The room was empty except for servants and she made her way quickly to the window, dying to feel any cool breeze upon her face.

Wrestling with the latch, she grew disappointed when she realized the window wouldn't open. Instead she stood with her face pressed against the cool glass wishing she could dissolve into the wall. The thought of having to admit her own irrational behavior was too much right now. She could feel his approach even without being able to see it and so it was no surprise when she felt his hand wrap around her waist. "What's a matter?" he whispered against her ear.

"Nothing," she lied. "I'm just warm, that's all."

Laying his other hand against her shoulder, he turned her so that he could see her face. "What's wrong?" he asked again, his eyes piercing her thoughts.

"I saw you," she whispered dropping her head so that her chin touched her chest.

"Ya saw me what?"

"With Sarah." Her voice was low and Sully strained to make it out. "I saw you hug her."

Sully slipped a finger under her chin and forced her head up. "Michaela, "he breathed out, his voice full of a hidden sorrow. "I told ya before… I ain't interested in Sarah. I hugged her 'cause she has some good news to share with ya…. with both of us. She was lookin' for ya when she found me."

Michaela narrowed her eyes as she considered what he was saying. "But still…"

"Michaela, she's your best friend. Do ya really think either of us would do that to ya?"

Quickly she closed the distance between them, hugging him tightly. "No," she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I don't think that. I don't know what's wrong with me… I can't seem to stop myself from thinking these horrible things."

"Everything's gonna be fine," Sully soothed rocking her lightly back and forth in his arms. He wanted her to believe that they could make this work; that everything would be okay but right now he was having a hard time convincing himself with the general attitude of her family. He brought his hands down to grasp her hands wanting to lead her to Daniel and Sarah. Michaela registered moments too late the alarm on his face. "Michaela where's your ring?"

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, a look of guilt etched on her face. "I….well it's just that…."

"Did you tell her?" The voice of Sarah echoed across the room interrupting Michaela as she tried to explain.

"No," Sully answered turning to see both of his friends standing in the doorway with their arms around each other. "I thought you would want to." The look on his face was one of confusion and hurt. Michaela noticed it even if Sarah and Daniel did not.

Daniel blurted it out before Sarah had a chance. "We're going to be married."

Michaela smiled weakly and moved away from a stunned Sully. "Congratulations," she said hugging Sarah first and then Daniel. "When will you marry?"

This time it was Sarah who spoke. "Soon… very soon. We only came to Boston because we wanted the both of you to be with us. It will just be the four of us."

Michaela forced a wide smile. "This is wonderful. I'm so happy for the two of you."

Sarah felt her stomach lurch once again and her face grimaced as the nausea took over. Daniel felt her hand tense in his. "Ya feel sick again?" She managed a small nod of her head. Daniel looked up at his friends. "She's been sick on and off ever since we got on the train. I thought it was just motion sickness but we've been off the train for almost two hours now."

Smiling sympathetically Michaela took her hand. "We'll have my father take a look at you after the party. For now perhaps a chance to lie down." Sarah nodded weakly and Michaela took her hand to usher her upstairs away from the concerned stare of Sarah's fiancé and the hurt expression of Sully.

The party droned on for hours but neither Sully nor Michaela were in attendance. After Michaela hurried Sarah into bed, she slipped across the room to retrieve her ring. Hastily she returned it to her finger, guilt crushing down on her. Why had she listened to her father in the first place? What was she going to tell Sully?

"Michaela, are you alright?" Sarah asked from the bed noticing her friend's erratic behavior.

"Umm… fine…. things have been a little hectic this morning. I guess I am not feeling quite myself."

Just then there was a knock at the door and Michaela reluctantly crossed the floor to answer it. She knew she would have to face Sully eventually but she needed time to think and formulate a plan. She simply couldn't tell him that Josef asked her to take the ring off. He was the one person who they both thought was on their side.

When she opened the door, Daniel stood there awkwardly with Sully right behind him. "Do ya mind if I stay with her?" he asked nervously, knowing that this was a breach of propriety.

"Daniel I'm fine," Sarah protested from the bed. "You and Sully should take a walk or enjoy the party. Michaela and I will stay here and talk about the weddin'."

"Ah girl talk. Well if ya insist." He crossed to her as he spoke and leaned down to place a kiss to her forehead. This left Sully and Michaela alone at the door. Wanting things to be okay, she purposefully reached for his hand wanting him to see that she now wore his engagement ring. Sully kept his hand limp instead of taking hers tightly in his own. Their eyes met and she could still see the confusion and hurt that lingered there.

Grasping for something she could say to ease the hurt, she stepped towards him. "I love you," she whispered willing him to pull her close. Sully remained unresponsive and Michaela swallowed hard regretting her earlier actions. Daniel was already walking back towards them and so she let go of his hand. "We'll see you later," she said, trying her best to sound upbeat.

Daniel smiled and nodded but Sully simply turned and left. Michaela wanted to cry but she refused to show weakness in front of Sarah right now. Turning, she plastered on her best happy face. "So tell me what you want for this wedding."

* * *

**June 28, 1858**

The problem with Boston was that Michaela and Sully were never alone which meant they rarely had the chance to talk privately. If Sully were under the same roof as her, she would have snuck to his room at night and the whole matter would be settled but that wasn't a possibility. Instead it was literally days before she had a chance to speak with him and though he certainly didn't seem to be as angry or upset anymore, she knew he was still bothered by her actions.

Sarah put off letting Josef examine her at first denying her symptoms as she and Michaela made hasty plans for a small wedding at the end of the week. They purchased a plain white dress that looked stunning on Sarah's slim frame. Daniel made an appointment with the justice of the peace for Friday afternoon, keeping their ceremony simple. He too purchased a new suit and made reservations for the two of them to stay in one of Boston's more prestigious hotels. He also couldn't resist buying things for Sarah … clothes and jewelry the like of which she had never owned before.

It was only when Michaela once again found Sarah ill on Thursday morning that she insisted Josef should examine her. Michaela went with her father to the hospital that morning and Sully took Sarah late in the day as Daniel had some private arrangements he wanted to make. It also gave Michaela and Sully a chance to talk. Stealing themselves away in Josef's office while he examined Sarah, they didn't waste time but came right to the point.

"Why did ya take it off?"

Michaela knew the question was coming, though she tried hard to avoid it. Her eyes fluttered to the ground as she considered the choices before her. "No one knew about our engagement. In Boston engagements are announced – girls don't simply turn up with rings."

Pacing back and forth, Michaela's words did nothing to calm the hurt now turned to anger. "Who put ya up to it Michaela?"

She looked up, not expecting the question. "What?"

"Who told ya to take the ring off? Josef or Elizabeth?"

Michaela swallowed hard. "It's only because they want to do things right."

"Right?" He sniggered. "They don't want to do things right. They want to break us apart. Can't you see that?"

"Perhaps mother Sully but you heard father on the train." She clenched her hands as spoke wishing her words were more truthful. The look of hope in Sully's eyes encouraged her to continue. "He loves you Sully, he loves you like a son… and he wants this to work. It's just hard on them. We made it hard on them." Seeing Sully's incredulous look she amended her statement. "I made it hard on them. I should have told them ages ago." She dropped her head, tucking her chin in close to her body as she turned to face the window.

Sully recognized that she was upset even if tears weren't a part of the scene before him. As often happened the anger quickly dissipated not wanting to upset her further. "No it ain't just your fault." He stepped forward and laid his hand on her shoulder.

"It is," she protested unwilling to look up at him.

Sully moved in close, so that his chest was only inches from her back. Leaning in he laid his head against hers. "We both should have told them earlier. But we gotta think like Anna. She always used to say that ya can't live in the past but simply make the best of the future."

Michaela relaxed back against him, Anna's name working an unseen magic on her. "She did used to say that, didn't she?"

"Yes," Sully whispered near her ear before pressing a light kiss to the side of her head. "I'm sorry I yelled."

"I'm sorry I took the ring off in the first place. I never should have."

"You're tryin' to give your parents the benefit of the doubt. Ya want to believe they'll both come around. And you're right I just keep bein' negative… I promise to try harder to take their intentions as well meaning."

Michaela giggled. "Even when they obviously aren't?"

While Sully was glad that Michaela's mood had lightened, he was as serious as ever. "Michaela, at the same time I think ya need to face the fact that we may never get their approval. Can ya live with that?"

She wavered for only a moment. "Of course Sully. It doesn't matter as long as we're together." Turning she hugged him tightly and turned her head up for a kiss but the door opened interrupting them. Josef cleared his throat and looked over at them impatiently.

"Sarah's waiting for you in the hospital foyer," Josef informed Sully in a matter of fact tone.

"Alright," he replied stepping away from Michaela. "See ya later."

Michaela gave his hand a light squeeze and watched him go before turning back to her father. "Is she alright?"

Joseph finished washing her hands at the basin. "She's fine," he replied with a sense of disgust in his voice.

Michaela smiled as he turned to face her. "Daniel will be relieved to hear that. He was worried about her."

"As well he should be."

"Pardon."

"Sarah is pregnant Michaela."

Narrowing her eyes, she observed her father carefully. "Pregnant? But she's not married." She realized how naïve her answer sounded the moment she spoke. "I mean…"

"It's what happens to girls who run around unchaperoned with young men. Your mother has tried to warn you and now you are seeing the effects yourself. I certainly hope you are paying attention Michaela. You don't want your future ruined like this."

Michaela wanted to protest, to say something in reply. After all, Sarah's future was hardly ruined. Daniel was going to marry her and they would return west. No one would know that she was pregnant before they married, no one would even suspect it. And really what if they did. Sarah didn't have to live up to Boston society. There wasn't a peck of nosey women talking about her behind closed doors. There were no prominent people whispering in her ear not to marry but rather giver herself to the woman's cause. There were no angry glares from family members when her engagement was announced. No lectures to be endured. Michaela quickly sobered, once again remembering why she removed the engagement ring on the day of the party. A slave – she felt like a slave and though she knew her freedom was coming, it still seemed so far away.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1867**

Standing on the porch of the homestead Michaela pulled the shawl tightly around her shoulders as she watched the barn with interest. Sully had been out there for two hours now and she was having a hard time believing there was still work to be done. Slowly she picked her way across the yard, resting one hand on her bulging abdomen protectively. Standing in the doorway, she could just make out his frame. "Sully? Are you almost done?"

He turned quickly, a guilty look upon his face. "Uh… almost."

"It looks pretty clean to me," she said with the hint of laughter in her voice.

Sully walked over to her his eyes fixed on the ground. "Guess so," he conceded.

"You still upset?"

"Ain't you?"

Michaela shrugged. "He had no right to speak to us like that."

"But?"

She looked up and reached for his hand. Sully gave it over and watched as she lifted it and placed a kiss to his knuckle. "I'm sure my father isn't the first person who thought we married to cover up this pregnancy. Everything was rather fast."

"It ain't anyone's business. 'Sides it's insulting for him to think that ya'd do that."

"Or for anyone to assume that you wouldn't behave honorably towards me." Sully smiled at her, shaking his head. "What?" she asked.

"You're taking this all so well. I'm glad that ya ain't lettin' it bother ya." He pulled her close, lovingly rubbing the swell of her belly. "Things are different this time around, huh?"

"Yes," she assured him. "He isn't going to come between us ever again. I promised myself that long ago… and I promised you that on the day we married. I don't want you worrying."

"I'm not worried. I'm simply glad to see you dealing with everything so unemotionally."

"Well I have you by my side." She leaned fully against him and brought her lips to his. Letting go of his hand, she wrapped both arms around his neck as she felt his tongue brush against hers. Sully pulled back and smiled down at her.

"I don't feel so honorable right now," he whispered.

"You don't?" she teased letting her own hands wander down his back.

"How much time do we have?" He started to walk her backwards towards the house.

"Mother took the children for a walk…. I would say maybe forty five minutes…"

Picking up the pace, they both turned and eagerly headed inside.

* * *

**Boston – June 29, 1858**

1Sarah lay on the bed, the sun pouring into the room but she felt listless as she had since they arrived in Boston. Looking over at the dress hung on the back of the door, she smiled. In four hours she would be married. It seemed like a dream. Never in her life had she let herself believe that she could be happy, truly happy. Yet now the world of possibilities was open to her between Daniel and this new little life growing inside of her. She only hoped Daniel was as happy about the baby as she was. After all Michaela had not been happy or well she at least disapproved, not that Sarah expected any less. It didn't matter what she said, she couldn't make Michaela understand why she had let him - heck she hadn't just let him, she had encouraged him.

When the door suddenly opened it startled her, wondering who wouldn't knock before entering. Daniel stood in the door way smiling at her.

"Umm, you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding," she reminded him sitting up against the headboard.

"I know but I just wanted to make sure you were feelin' up to this. We can wait if you aren't." As he spoke, he slowly approached the bed, kicking the door closed with the bottom of his foot.

"Nothin's gonna stop me from gettin' married today," she laughed. "But I'm glad you're here... we didn't get to talk last night."

Daniel heard her words but his mind was already elsewhere. "This sleepin' apart thing ain't fun. Can't wait for tonight."

"Daniel, I really need to talk to you."

The serious expression on her face worried him. "Alright, what do ya need to tell me?"

"I... well I know why I haven't been feelin' well."

Daniel considered her for a moment, growing more concerned by the odd expression on her face. "Sarah, you're alright aren't ya? It's not something serious, is it?"

"No," she said shaking her head and smiling faintly. "I'm... well I'm pregnant."

His mouth dropped open as he considered her words. "Pregnant?"

Sarah grew slightly defensive as she turned to look out the window, afraid of seeing the emotions play out on his face. "Well I mean we haven't been exactly careful. Suppose I assumed you had thought about that."

Shock still registered on Daniel's face when she turned back around but now a slight smile was forming on his lips and Sarah let out a sigh of relief. "Pregnant," he said the word as if it was precious and fragile. "We made a baby?" Sarah nodded and smiled as Daniel's grin grew. Reaching for her, he placed one hand on her stomach.

Sarah reached down and moved it lower on her abdomen. "Here," she whispered. "Our baby is right here."

* * *

To someone standing on the porch, the Quinn backyard appeared empty. Yet after years of hiding themselves away as children, Sully knew exactly where Michaela would be. He had come with Daniel hoping to get a few minutes alone with his fiancé. With a quick look back at the house to make sure no one was watching, he rounded the large oak in the back of the yard. Hidden under the lush green foliage was Michaela with a book open in her lap though it was obvious she wasn't reading it. Her head rested on the trunk of the tree and her eyes focused on some far off point. Sully snuck up quietly behind her and dropped to his knees, lowering his head to rest it on her shoulder. "Hey," he whispered against her ear. She stiffened but Sully didn't notice. "This was a good idea."

"What?" she asked, confusion clouding his eyes.

"Coming out here," he breathed softly, turning to kiss her neck. "We never get to be alone."

Michaela jerked away from him. "Sully don't."

"Don't what?"

"We need to be careful. Did someone see you come out here?"

Sully looked hurt at her question and moved slightly away from her. "No, I was careful. I thought perhaps you would want to be alone with me for a bit."

"Of course I do," she assured him. "It's just that after the incident at Rebecca's everyone is scrutinizing everything we do and with Sarah pregnant…" The words dropped before she realized what she had done.

"Pregnant?"

"Father confirmed it yesterday."

"Does Daniel know?" Sully asked, excitement already dancing in his eyes.

"She was going to tell him last night but I don't think she had a chance to."

"She's probably tellin' him right now." Sully turned his head looking up at the second story of the house with a smile. "I'm so happy for them."

"You don't think what they did was wrong?"

Sully flinched as he turned back to her. He gave a shrug of his shoulders. "Michaela if this is about us… you know I want us to wait…" Michaela nodded and dropped her eyes to the ground. "For them, it's different that's all."

"Yes.. different," she repeated. "No one cares what they do."

"True but ain't no reason for us to wait if this is just about other people. We both gotta do what's best for us." His words found their mark and Michaela frowned knowing he was right. "When ya gonna let go of Boston?"

Michaela turned her head toward the side. "I have let go of Boston."

"No you haven't." His voice held a trace of anger. "Where ya were born has always got a pull on ya. I ain't tryin' to deny you that. But this carin' what other people think… Michaela ya gotta think for yourself."

Instantly Michaela became offended. "I do think for myself."

Sully grew quiet now, turning his head from her gaze. He didn't want to fight. They barely had any time together as it was and he didn't want to waste precious moments fighting with her. Besides, today was supposed to be happy and he wasn't about to ruin it. Turning back to her, he smiled and saw her defenses fall as her thoughts paralleled his. Before either had a chance to say another word, they found themselves in the other's arms sharing the kisses that they deeply missed.

* * *

There was no music or guests, save Michaela and Sully. There were no decorations or flowers, save a bouquet of lilies that David had bought for Sarah to carry across her arm. There was no church and no priest, only a stone courthouse and a judge. It was different than anything Michaela ever witnessed. She was used to the ostentatious weddings that characterized Boston society. Thrown by parents who were happy to have made a good match for their daughter which in Boston terms meant she was marrying into a family with money. While Daniel certainly had money, everyone knew that wasn't why Sarah was marrying him. It also wasn't the baby growing inside of her that made the nuptials so pressing. Simply put, they were in love and waiting didn't make sense. One look at the nervous groom who wanted everything to be perfect would have told any passerby how excited he was. A glance at the blushing bride whose skin glowed more than usual would have confirmed any naysayer. Love shone in both of their eyes as they stood to repeat their vows.

Michaela had never been to such a simple ceremony but found it appealed to her more than any of the elegant ones she had witnessed in the past. The understated simplicity moved her and would be remembered on the day of her own wedding years later. Michaela wore a light blue dress, one that she had bought new only a few weeks before. As she stood beside Sarah, she couldn't help but smile at Sully as the doubts from the morning were dispelled. He too allowed the joyous occasion to chase away the fears that often gripped his heart. Standing here it seemed as if anything was possible.

The words were simple, the ceremony brief. In a matter of moments the magistrate pronounced them man and wife. Daniel clung to her after the pronouncement, peppering her face with soft kisses. Michaela looked away shyly feeling as if she was an interloper of sorts. When Sully's arms closed around her, the blush on her cheeks deepened.

The judge smiled at the two young couples. "Will I be performing a second ceremony today?" he asked with a note of amusement in his voice.

"No," Sully laughed as he let her go in order to take her hand in his. "Soon but not quite yet."

The papers were signed and safely in Daniel's pocket as they left the courthouse each couple climbing into separate coaches. One set off to begin their life together while the other tried to make the most of the few minutes of unsupervised time they had left, both wishing for the freedom that Daniel and Sarah had firmly in their grasp.

* * *

_Sorry for so long between updates!! School is really busy right now. Things will be hectic until after the second week in April so my updates will be sporadic until then. After that things will calm somewhat. Thanks for reading – hope you enjoy!!!_


	110. Chapter 110

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Ten**

**Boston – August 14, 1858**

The August heat bore down on the city and even now that the sun was descending below the horizon it was still oppressive. Streaks of heat lightening flashed out over the water, teasing the residents of Boston with the possibility of rain that never seemed to come. It was the fourth straight week of soaring temperatures that added to the misery of the humidity. The summer roses that usually lingered in Elizabeth's garden were all clipped having turned various shades of brown and dropped their petals until they were eyesores. Garden parties that were normally held once or twice a week were cancelled or postponed until the cooler evening.

The hospital was busier than usual, seeing many cases of heat related illnesses each and every day. The lack of hands meant that Michaela who normally trailed along behind her father acting as an intern was actually on her own. Though often her work was nothing more than what a nurse would be asked to take on, she still found it quite rewarding to be seeing patients alone.

Sully found work at the docks right after Daniel and Sarah left to return to Colorado. He knew it was pointless to reserve all of his time for Michaela especially when she was so consumed with the work at the hospital. The days were long and hot with frequent breaks for water. Yet still three or four men a day collapsed under the brutal summer sun.

While the long days and heat took a physical toll on Sully, Michaela found that the long days at the hospital combined with the ill ease of her family took a mental toll on her. Their visits with each other were relatively sparse for living so close to one another – only a ten minute walk from Rebecca's house to the Quinn's. Weekends were always spent in the other's company but during the week Sully might as well be in Colorado. Physically, they were closer than they had been for awhile but emotionally they were distant and growing more and more so by the day.

For many years they hid their relationship and now that people knew, now at the very moment when there should have been no more hiding, they found they had to hide more than ever. Chaperoned Saturday and Sunday afternoons were stifling for the both of them. They were used to walks on the Common and hidden kisses filled with passion. They were reduced to lemonade in the parlor during which Sully was lucky if he was allowed to kiss the back of her hand. There was plenty of time for talking during these encounters which was in fact what their relationship needed but there was no real privacy to speak of so communication was shallow at best.

Looking back years later neither would be able to pinpoint what exactly happened that summer. Both felt it but no one put it into words. For the first time ever they weren't inseparable. A large part of it had to do with Josef who always had something for Michaela to do – hospital work, women's rallies or the like. He took great joy in getting his daughter alone so that he could whisper in her ear, planting questions and doubts that he hoped would take root and grow. Yet he couldn't be sure they had. Michaela still wore the ring and Sully still came around on the weekends. Not to mention that his daughter, his baby girl who had at one point shared everything with him, grew distant. It wasn't only from her father though that she kept things but from everyone, Sully included. Sully wasn't even aware to what point Michaela was keeping things bottled inside, unable to crack her controlled exterior in their supervised visits. Taking her in his arms would have probably been enough but the chance for that kind of physical contact was practically non-existent. As the summer wore on Michaela saw more and more evidence that her Father was still against their relationship and this was the main thing she kept from Sully because he truly believed that Josef was coming around. In her desire to keep alive the delusion that Sully was the son Josef never had she lived out the fantasy burying feelings deep inside of her that only later would surface.

Thus with two weeks until Michaela left for school and one week until Sully returned to Colorado they both knew that the opportunity to be alone together was growing less and less. It was why they had risked so much on this one night, both sensing that they were in danger of losing the one thing they both clung to desperately – each other. Josef and Elizabeth were going out for the evening to one of the garden parties that had been moved until evening after the sun had set giving a small reprieve to the city. Michaela was supposed to accompany them but she begged out of going, claiming she had a headache.

Sully was less closely guarded by Rebecca and Robert since he was a man. As long as he wasn't with Michaela they weren't as concerned with his whereabouts thus it was much easier for him to go to her. After sneaking through several backyards, he waited behind the giant oak in the Quinn's backyard until Michaela would come to him. The plan was made in a note she had sent to him conveyed by the one person who seemed thrilled that they were engaged, a very precocious Emily. She had no idea what messages she was conveying back and forth but to a young girl the whole thing seemed terribly romantic and she thought it was simply wonderful to be a part of the process.

As it turned out Sully didn't have long to wait, the last light of day was fleeing when he heard her footsteps in the grass. He stood as she rounded the tree and smiled trying to ease the slightly nervous feeling in his stomach. Despite the heat, Michaela didn't waste a second throwing herself into his arms, the first time she had been able to touch him so freely in weeks. Their first kiss was tentative as they always were when they were separated for a time but they soon gave into the latent passion that even amidst the emotional distance still laid just beneath the surface. As long as they were here together so intimately it was easy to believe there were no problems.

Michaela pulled away from him first and drew back so that she might look at his hands. She knew he often had blisters from his work and even now her first thought was for his physical wellbeing. "You have blisters again," she scolded looking up at him from underneath the fall of hair.

"I was wearing my gloves," he defended as he anxiously pulled his hands away.

"No matter, I'll rub them with some salve. That should help them heal." Still holding one hand gently in her own she moved towards the house but Sully held back reluctantly.

"Michaela? The servants?"

"No one's about. Don't worry." She smiled as she spoke, a surge of joy evident on her face. "Harrison has gone for the evening to visit with his sister for her birthday. Martha has already retired for the evening. I made sure of that before I came down."

Sully still looked at her uncertainly but followed none the less. Michaela led the way through the kitchen, past the sitting room where most weekend afternoons were spent and up the stairs. Never stopping, she pushed her bedroom door open and led him inside. "Feels like forever since I've been in here," Sully laughed looking longingly over at her.

A shadow passed over Michaela's face as she let go of his hand and walked across the room to retrieve the black medical bag sitting on top of her dresser. It still seemed normal to have Sully in her room and yet she suddenly feared that she was sending the wrong message. Assuming doctor mode she opened the bag and retrieved the salve, returning to Sully and picking up his hand. Sully noticed the change in her demeanor and became concerned. "Michaela are you alright?"

"I was thinking about Sarah and Daniel," she whispered rubbing the salve into the blisters on his left hand.

Suddenly it occurred to Sully what was wrong with Michaela. Closing his hand around hers, he stilled her movements. He brought her other hand under her chin and lifted it so that he could look into her eyes. "Hey, it ain't time for that yet," he whispered stepping closer.

Michaela caught her bottom lips between her teeth, the first sign that the doubts her father planted were actually growing. Her cheeks grew red but she didn't speak, unsure how to express what was going on in her mind. Unable to turn her head down she was forced to look right at Sully. She felt him breaking through the walls that slowly were erected throughout the summer. Unsure what to make of the look on her face, he grew concerned. "Are you scared?"

"No, I … this summer hasn't turned out anything like I imagined."

Sully relaxed. "It hasn't," he agreed. "I know it's been hard on you."

"It's been hard on you too," she quickly added not wanting him to think she was feeling sorry for herself.

"I suppose there ain't gonna be an engagement party." He swallowed hard as he spoke knowing that this was the confirmation in many ways that the family was not going to accept him.

"There is," she assured him. "It's only the weather that has postponed it."

"Michaela, I leave in a week."

"Then we'll have it in the fall when you come home for Thanksgiving." She smiled coyly as she continued. "And stay for Christmas."

"I'll come and stay." Michaela smiled in appreciation as Sully dropped his hands to the side knowing he no longer needed to hold her still. Right outside the window a bright bolt of lightening flashed followed by a loud burst of thunder. Both were distracted by the look in the other's eye as the storm gathered outside.

"We've been waiting for this for so long," she whispered wrapping her arms around his neck.

"The storm?" Michaela nodded but Sully knew there was much more to her words. "We have a lot we need to talk about," Sully whispered knowing she was moments away from distracting him from all the things that needed to be said.

"I love you," she whispered overcome with the emotion that pounded in her heart. "I'm sorry that nothing has gone the way it should have this summer."

He held her protectively against him now, his arms curling around her back as she fit herself against him, her head resting in the crook of his neck making him forget all that he wanted to say. "It ain't your fault that things haven't gone the way we planned. We both know we should have told 'em earlier. Ain't no point beatin' ourselves up."

"I know," she purred contentedly as lost in their physical contact as he was. In a moment of boldness that she had not known that summer, she placed a light kiss to his neck and was rewarded with goose bumps along his skin. Bringing her hand around she used her fingertips to trace the place she kissed. "I really meant that I'm sorry we haven't been able to be together this summer."

"We knew things would change once everyone knew. Perhaps in some ways it was good we waited so long."

"Perhaps," she replied running her hand over the muscles of his chest. "I've missed you so much. I don't even think I realized how much until this moment." They both grew silent, each knowing that her statement was profound. Still so much hung between them and they both knew that they should talk. It was hard though because as much as Michaela needed to tell him about Josef or as much as Sully needed to assure that she still wanted to live in Colorado, the physical contract felt too good to give up. For too long they had been denied something that seemed at the moment as vital as air.

In the end it was a silent decision not to talk. They kissed – mouth against mouth in deep passion filled exchanges until they both knew that for temptation's sake they had to stop. Even then, they lay close together on the rug in Michaela's floor because it was cooler than the bed. Sully showered her face with soft kisses from time to time or else stroked her arms and neck, running his fingertips up over her lips as they whispered reassurances of love. Outside the storm continued to gather, the lightening and thunder coming more and more frequently while inside their own storm raged. They never gave into the temptation that lay just under the surface but both considered it more than once.

So lost were they in a lover's embrace that neither was conscious of the time until the first fat raindrops fell. It was only then that Sully kissed her goodbye lingering at the back door with her until the sound of the front door opening startled them both. With one last kiss, he disappeared into the rain arriving back at Rebecca's soaked but happy.

* * *

**Boston – 1865**

Sully ran his hand over the coverlet and looked around the room that was familiar yet foreign all at the same time. The vanity stood in the same place and so did the desk but both were empty now, the only sign that the occupant of this room no longer resided here. Otherwise, things were the same – frighteningly the same. The opening of the door startled him and he turned to see her slight frame in the doorway. "What ya doin'?" she asked imitating his dialect.

"Just thinkin' about the last time I was in here."

"When was that?" she asked, a smile creeping over her face.

Sully turned slightly towards the window to hide his discomfort. "That summer night that it rained…." His voice trailed off as he was reminded of how their lack of communication had led to years of pointless separation.

Even from this angle Michaela saw the cloud that passed over his face. Quickly she pushed the door to and went to him. "That's the past," she whispered laying her hand on his shoulder to turn him towards her. Sully nodded in response but remained pensive. Sensing that he wouldn't move to look at her, Michaela moved instead. Curling her arms around his back she stepped in front of him. "I know this is hard," she continued as she laid her head against his chest. "Why don't you take the children and head back to Colorado? There's no reason for everyone to wait around here."

Sully swallowed hard as he finally looked down at her. Here was the difference, he thought to himself. The woman who stood before him was changed from the girl he remembered kissing that night in the storm. Without another thought of the past, he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I ain't leavin' ya," he assured.

"Really Sully, I'll be fine and the children are missing home…" Before she could continue, Sully silenced her with a gentle kiss.

"So much is different now," he whispered. "We're different." He shook his head, frustrated that his words weren't coming out right.

Resting her chin against his chest, she looked up at him. "Don't worry," she soothed. "We aren't like that anymore putting our physical relationship above our communication."

Though he knew it wasn't exactly appropriate, he couldn't help but laugh. "That's for sure." Michaela gave him an odd look and so he explained. "We've been so careful with the physical … until recently."

"True," Michaela replied. "I think it was for the best."

"We do seem to get distracted by that stuff," he added. "Course soon we can let it distract us."

"We keep saying soon but we haven't exactly set a date."

Sully nodded and turned his gaze out the window. "I'm gonna leave that up to you."

"But Sully…." she began to protest but he interrupted her.

"I'm ready, whenever ya are. I was ready when I asked ya." Those words made Michaela's heart swell with joy and it showed on her face.

"Hmm." She pulled away distracted by the thought of picking a date. Raising her hand, she tapped her chin with her index finger. "I've always wanted a spring wedding."

"Then we'll wait til spring."

"But that seems so far away."

Sully grinned at her indecisiveness. "Then we'll have it earlier."

She still looked troubled. "Will the house be ready in time though?"

Sully smiled. "You tell me when the house needs to be ready and I'll make sure it gets that way. Can't have us livin' in the old homestead with no privacy."

Her cheeks blushed heartily. "Yes we'll need privacy." Her voice became lower as she said this last line, the blush on her cheeks deepening if possible. Sully smiled suggestively and raised his eyebrows planning on pulling her close for a kiss. He had only touched her waist when the bedroom door flew open and the children came tumbling in.

"Privacy," they said in unison and then laughed as they turned to see what the children were up to.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 26, 1858**

When Abigail was five year's old she was the flower girl in her Aunt Dorothy's wedding. The dress she wore was imported from back east made of a pink taffeta that rustled when she walked. For three weeks after the dress arrived she begged her mother to let her wear it but everyday her mother said no. Finally the day of the wedding came and Abigail donned the dress and picked up her basket of flower petals ready to take her place in the processional. It was simply the most beautiful thing that Abigail had ever in her short life witnessed and the one thing she had looked consistently forward to from that age on. She wanted to marry – to be a wife. She wanted the wedding with the fancy dress and the chance to feel like a queen for a day. Most of all she wanted a husband who would adore her unconditionally.

When she turned sixteen she declared herself old enough to court even though her father adamantly disagreed. Yet any boy that came around was rejected by Abigail who believed she would instantly know who her future husband would be. For her the matter was settled on the day she first laid eyes on Sully. It was the September following her sixteenth birthday when she first noticed him. Entering the store with Daniel, she felt her eyes drawn to him. Unable to look away, she hid behind the bolts of material piled high in the middle of the store peeping at him so that he couldn't see her. She was young then, too young for him she knew and though now she had only aged two years since then, she now felt like a mature confident woman. When she turned eighteen in May, she had decided it was time to go after the one man she knew would make her happy.

Yet by mid- June, her fantasy of a summer romance was ruined. After talking her father into letting her ride with him to the mining camp, she was disappointed to find out that Sully had gone east for the summer. Never in a million years did it occur to Abigail that he might have gone east for a girl. In her mind, he was simply visiting his family, perhaps a sister in New York or a mother in Chicago. It was only when Daniel returned to Colorado at the end of July without Sully that Abigail grew nervous. He rented a house not far from town instead of staying at the mining camp because to everyone's surprise he was married- to a black woman. This turn of events worried Abigail because it suddenly occurred to her that Sully might have gone east for similar reasons.

With the eagerness of a child waiting for Christmas, she watched for the stage coach each day, praying that he would return alone. While her father was overjoyed with her lack of interest in potential suitors, her mother grew concerned with what kept her daughter so preoccupied. As August wore on she watched her daughter closely afraid that she was sneaking off for secret rendezvous with someone who Loren would find unsuitable. Yet there was no evidence of this, only an almost pining look in her eye and the careful scanning of those departing from the stage coach each week.

And then it happened. The day she had spent the summer waiting for finally arrived. It was a Thursday, a hot dry Thursday when the stage coach rumbled into town.

Abigail was wearing a deep green dress, one that she insisted her father purchase the last time they were in Denver. She knew that it perfectly suited the color of her eyes and hair and so with one quick glance in the store window, she turned towards the street and stepped down as she intently watched the disembarking passengers.

Her heart caught in her throat when she saw him. He stood off to the side for a moment, running his hands through his hair as he watched the driver throw down the bags. After claiming his own, he picked them up and headed towards the telegraph office never noticing that he was being followed. She waited for him just outside trying hard to make it seem as if she was on some errand for her parents. Since she stood almost in the doorway, Sully bumped into her as he exited. "Sorry," he said hastily. "I didn't even see ya there."

"It's okay, Sully." She spoke his name quickly hoping he would take notice.

In fact he did. He knew that she was the daughter of the shop keeper and he was sure that he had heard her name before but now it was eluding him. Looking down in embarrassment, he uttered an apology. "I'm sorry miss… I don't know your name."

"Abigail… Abigail Bray but you can call me Abby if you want. My parents sometimes do." She smiled shyly as she spoke, purposefully trying to make herself seem like a hesitant young lady rather than the forward woman she was being. "Are you going to see your friend Daniel?"

Sully nodded. "Well I'm supposed to meet him here but it don't look like he's made it into town yet."

"He's renting the Jenkin's place just outside of town… he's married now."

With a gentle laugh, Sully shook his head. "I know. I was at his wedding."

Abby felt foolish for assuming he hadn't known and decided her best line of recovery was to ask questions and try to seem interested while gaining what she considered valuable information. "Where was the wedding?"

"In Boston," he replied shortly. Though Abby was riveted to him, Sully was already busy looking around for Daniel.

Seeing that she lost his attention, she tried desperately to come up with a way to regain it. "It's mighty hot out here. You could wait for your friend in the store. My ma makes the best lemonade."

In a moment of clarity, Sully noticed the way her eyes shone as she spoke to him and he knew that it would be best to untangle himself from the situation before she got the wrong impression. "That's very kind of you Abigail but I think I'll start out toward Daniel's place. He's expectin' me."

Unable to hide her disappointment, Abigail simply nodded and watched as he walked away. When he was out of earshot, she gave an impatient stomp of her foot the same way she did when Loren refused her something. She was used to getting her way and she wasn't one to give up easily. She never heard Jake approach her from behind until he nervously spoke.

"Abby… I wanted… umm… to ask if I could call on ya maybe tomorrow afternoon."

Before she even turned around, Abigail had a large grin on her face. Jealousy – she would make Sully jealous. Putting on airs, she moved past Jake acting as if she had never even heard him speak. Just as she was about to step off the end of the walkway she turned back around. "Yes, you may come at three." She gave a slight dip of her head and then walked away leaving an excited Jake in her wake.

* * *

**Boston – August 29, 1858**

The bags were packed and sat by the front door waiting to be loaded onto the carriage. Michaela stood at the top of the stairs teetering on the edge of the top step like a small child. Truth be known she felt like a small child especially after the week she had endured. It had only taken two days after Sully left for Michaela to take the ring off her finger and place it back on the chain that she wore around her neck. Though she knew how it had hurt Sully when she took it off earlier in the summer it was for her own self preservation that she had relegated it to this safe place. This small move gave Josef hope and he began to treat her better than he had all summer. Elizabeth wasn't convinced that any victories were won but she was pleased as well, hoping once again that she wouldn't have to throw the engagement party in early December as they were currently planning.

There was another reason Michaela removed it and that had to do with school. Though she knew that some of the girls would be thrilled for her, she was also aware that many of them were just as opinionated on a woman's place as men were. It was one thing to choose to stay unmarried and pursue a career – it was an entirely different thing to pursue both. The fight seemed completely gone from her and the young girl who swam hard against the tide became the young woman who found it easier to go with the flow.

Standing here now she felt alone, more alone than she had felt in a very long time. The walls that crumbled with Sully had only left her vulnerable and missing him immensely. She had clung to him for the past week, giving up work at the hospital to be by his side, though it always felt like too little too late. The clock in the dining room chimed the hour and she gave into the fact that no one would accompany her to the train station. Perhaps, she thought, they would meet her there. With that thought in mind, she proceeded down the stairs and asked Harrison to load her bags.

Within the hour, she was standing on the platform of the train station ensuring that her ticket was tucked away for sake keeping. The area was practically deserted which only added to her feelings of aloneness. Michaela sighed as she nervously glanced around hoping that someone in her family was going to come and see her off. Only one short week ago, she had stood in this very spot and said good-bye to Sully as he returned to Colorado. Her heart was heavy with the memory while her cheeks blushed as she remembered their last night together two weeks before. The whispered words of love and heated kisses remained with her even now and she longed to feel him in her arms once more. Giving a slight shake to her head, she reminded herself that thinking about that was silly. It would be November before she would see Sully again. Unconsciously, her hands went to her chest feeling for the engagement ring that hung around her neck hidden under her shirt. Guilt and embarrassment crashed down on her but she fought them back, telling herself that she would wear it again soon.

"Mike." Her heart caught in his throat as she heard his voice. Slowly she turned around and saw her father standing there, his arms hanging awkwardly at his side.

"Thank you for coming," she said going to him and giving him a brief kiss on the cheek.

Josef breathed in deeply as he fought back the tears that were building. "Not too much longer and you'll be a doctor," he said proudly.

"And I owe it all to you," Michaela reminded him, her tone grateful.

Josef chuckled putting Michaela at ease. "You are the one doing the work," he added.

"Yes but you are the one who helped me get here," she replied. For a moment it looked as if Josef might hug her as he raised his arms slightly. When they dropped back to his side, Michaela felt her disappointment set in. She knew he was still angry with her and Sully over their deception. Even if he had tried to pretend otherwise all summer. Yet still his presence here today was a monumental step.

In the distance the conductor called "All aboard," and she knew it was time to go. "Maybe your mother and I will come see you in Philadelphia next month," he said his eyes meeting hers as she turned to board the train.

"I would like that," she said forcing a smile.

Quickly he reached for her hand and took it in his own. He remembered how tiny her hand had felt in his when she was a small girl walking the hospital halls with him. Gently he squeezed her fingers. "Good-bye," he whispered.

"Good-bye," she returned finally letting go but her heart soared wanting to believe that they had taken the first step towards healing their relationship.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – November 12, 1858**

Since his return in August, Abigail did everything in her power to turn his head. She memorized his movements to and from town; making meetings with him seem accidental. She held Jake's hand and laughed loudly when he passed on the street but he never even noticed. Regularly she rode out to the mining camp with her father, trying desperately to find a spare moment to be with Sully. Nothing seemed to work though. He constantly had somewhere to be or some other interest that demanded his attention when she tried to start a conversation with him. Yet each rejection only made her more and more determined.

It was early November when she first found out the reason for Sully's disregard. Sarah rarely came to town, several of the town folks having made it clear how they felt about the marriage. When she did come it was on Daniel's arm and he never left her side the entire time. The women were often meaner than the men who simply shook their heads in disgust. Yet it was Abigail who was nice to her, having realized sometime in September that she might be a source of information about Sully. So on this day as Sarah admired skeins of yarn, Abigail made her way over to her.

"Can I help ya find anything?" she asked cheerfully.

Sarah shook her head. "I was thinking of starting another blanket." She tapped the skeins with her fingers as she spoke, considering if the green yarn looked too feminine.

"I thought Daniel ordered some items from the catalogue for the baby?"

"He did. I'm just trying to stay busy." Sarah looked down embarrassedly, unwilling to admit how lonely her days were.

"I guess it's lonely bein' out here by yourself with all your family back east."

Sarah gave her a forced smile. "I don't really have any family to speak of but I do miss my friends."

"Where are they?"

"John and Ida are in Maryland and my best friend, Michaela is in Boston. I think ya know Sully, her fiancé." Sarah had no clue what she had said to upset the young girl but she saw the crimson cheeks go pale and watched as Abigail struggled to catch her breath. Feeling as if the wind was knocked right out of her, she stumbled backwards. "Are you alright?" Sarah asked.

"Warm, that's all," she lied. She tried to quickly regain her composure wanting to gain further information from Sarah. Quickly, she accepted the information from Sarah as the explanation for his avoidance of her and all of the lame excuses he made in her presence.

"Sully must not see his fiancé very often."

"No but they are used to it. Holidays and summers mostly. In fact he is headed to Boston at the end of the week for a month or so."

The words lit a fire inside of her – she had to act and she had to act now. It wasn't that she hadn't understood Sarah's words but in her own mind she truly believed that if she told Sully how she felt, he might be swayed. She at least had to try because she certainly wasn't ready to give up on her dream of the two of them together yet. Bidding Sarah a quick good bye she made her way to her bedroom. Within an hour, she had dressed in her fanciest gown and let her hair down. How she would get out to the mining camp was a minor inconvenience and in the end she persuaded Jake to take her out there, telling him that Loren needed her to take a package.

As soon as they arrived she searched the grounds for any sign of Sully, ignoring Jake's pleas for her to stay in the wagon. It was only by luck that he was out of the mines talking with Daniel. He never even saw her coming until she stood behind him speaking his name. "Sully?"

He turned, a look of surprise gracing his face. "Abigail, what are you doing here?"

Her cheeks reddened but she spoke boldly. "I need to speak with you. Do you have a moment?"

Sully swallowed hard and looked nervously around but decided that he should set her straight once and for all. "Alright," he said unhappily and moved away from Daniel leading her a short distance away so that they were hid behind one of the tents that dotted the area. When they were alone, Abby grew extremely agitated. Now that she was here, she wasn't certain exactly how to begin. "Abigail? Ya wanted to tell me something?"

"I love you," she blurted out and then covered her mouth with her hand. The words took Sully completely by surprise and he found himself unable to reply. The look on his face actually encouraged Abigail to continue. "I have for awhile Sully."

"But we don't know each other."

"I know how it sounds but I mean it – I love you."

"Abby, I'm engaged to be married."

"But she isn't here. I'm here and always will be."

"You shouldn't have come." Sully began to move away from her seeing that she was being completely unreasonable.

Moving quickly to block his path, she stood in front of him, her eyes fixed on his face. The look he saw there was one of desperation and he wished that he had never started this conversation with her.

"You can't just leave."

"There isn't any reason for me to stay," Sully replied nervously pressing his lips together.

"But... I love you," she cried out. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? I came all the way here just to see you."

Sully breathed in deeply giving himself time to think. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't see any other alternative. In this case, the truth was hurtful and she needed to hear the truth. "I don't love you," he replied his voice never wavering.

Quickly she threw her arms around him holding on for dear life. "Don't do this," she cried out. "Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry," he whispered pushing her to the side.

Tears streamed down her face as her hands still reached out to him. "But I love you," she whispered again. Sully heard her words but continued to walk away knowing that anything else he said would only make things worse.

* * *

**Boston – November 26, 1858**

The months of their separation were hard, some of the hardest they had to endure. The doubts that were planted in the summer were watered by absence and though their frequent letters continued still neither openly communicated their worries. For Sully, he missed Michaela greatly, especially now that Daniel was preoccupied with his own family. Still he was a frequent visitor at their home and watching Sarah blossom made him long for the day that Michaela would be with child. Suddenly he felt more impatient than ever before for them to start their lives together and though he never admitted it, he began to feel frustrated by the waiting.

Josef came to see Michaela in Philadelphia several times that fall. Furthering the fantasy that he was warming to the idea of Michaela and Sully, he probed for weak spots. Finding one, he added the pressure making Michaela doubt that she could make it as a doctor outside of Boston where she had his help. He knew Sully would never want to stay in Boston so he had to be sure that Michaela didn't want to leave. In his mind, he could already hear the argument that would ensue and it made him deliriously happy. Given the fact that Michaela already feared she wouldn't survive the wilderness of Colorado, her doubts multiplied as her father continued his own propaganda. There were also plenty of opportunities for Michaela to be part of women's leagues working on behalf of suffrage. The constant praise of her single status did little to convince her to put the ring back on her finger.

Yet eventually she did. On the train ride home for Thanksgiving, she took it off the necklace and placed in on her finger, once again becoming used to seeing it in it's proper place. Upon her arrival in Boston, Josef instantly noticed the return of the ring making him seethe with anger and though he never let it show, he knew it was time to devote all his energy to their break up. He wasn't looking forward to the day Sully arrived in Boston but it came quickly, descending amidst busy holiday preparations. And so on that morning they awoke, no one knowing what the day would hold.

Breakfast was a somber affair. Josef read the paper and ate his oatmeal while Elizabeth went over preparations for the engagement party. Invitations had yet to be sent out as she clung to the hope that the party would be cancelled. Michaela stared at the food on her plate, anxiously waiting for the time when she could go to the train station to greet Sully. With her fork, she pushed the eggs around her plate finally spearing a small grain.

"Michaela stop picking at your food and eat something," Elizabeth scolded unnecessarily.

"I'm twenty-five years old mother. Don't you think I can decide whether I am hungry or not?"

"Leave her alone, Elizabeth." Josef said his eyes meeting hers. Elizabeth shook her head and made a sound of disapproval. Josef was once again coddling her just as he always had. "Are you going to accompany me to the hospital this morning Mike?"

Michaela shook her head. "Sully comes today," she said cheerfully.

"Good," Josef replied both his cheerful voice and smile forced. "I had forgotten." He took a deep breath and let his eyes settle on the ring on her finger. "Not much longer and you'll be married."

Michaela smiled over at him and shook her head. "Yes," she whispered almost shyly. Elizabeth looked down the table at Josef narrowing her eyes. She alone knew his true feelings on the matter of Michaela and Sully's upcoming nuptials. They both were adamantly opposed but Josef never openly told Michaela his true feelings. He was subversive instead, chipping away slowly at the foundation of their relationship, hoping that it would eventually crumble and fall. Elizabeth had her doubts but Josef didn't want to hear her opinions on the matter.

"What will the two of you do today?" he asked taking another bite of his oatmeal.

"I don't know," she replied. "Probably come home and talk – take some time to catch up with each other."

Josef knew the amount of letters they exchanged back and forth. They didn't need to catch up with each other at least not in that way. An image of the two of them locked in a passionate embrace invaded his thoughts and his face contorted in a look of disgust. A funny sensation started around his lips and began to move through the right side of his face; tingles starting at his lips and radiated outward towards his cheeks. A numbness invaded the muscles of his face alerting him to the fact that something was terribly wrong. Looking down he tried to move his right arm but suddenly it felt heavy, incredibly heavy. A slight panic settled in his chest as he looked up at Elizabeth.

"Josef?" she asked, her face ashen as she watched him slump to one side.

Michaela quickly turned her head just in time to see her father's head hit the table.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!! I am snowed under with school work until April 12th but after that I will update much more frequently._


	111. Chapter 111

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Eleven**

**Boston – January 2, 1859**

There was the rushing sting of cold air as the carriage door opened and then she was in the midst of it, moving and jostling her way through the crowd, wondering if she would even be able to find him. A desperate feeling took over, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest as she pushed her way into the station and towards the platform. What if she was too late? What if she couldn't find him among the masses? Shaking her head, she was determined to complete what she had come to do. She had to find him, had to do this right now. The decision was made and if she was forced to wait, she would waffle just as she had the night before. The strength of her conviction was already fleeting as the searing pain in her stomach now spread to her heart. Still it was for the best, even if it hurt, it was for the best.

From the side someone bumped into her. Instantly her hand went to her pocket, the precious ring concealed within. Wrapping her fingers around it, she pressed it into her palm, the pain of the diamond against her flesh reminding her that she still was alive. With only seconds to hold onto it, she surged forward with the crowd once again, her eyes scanning the platform numbers until she found the one she sought. The bumping and jostling continued, this platform seeming to be the most crowded. As if by some unseen force the throng of people parted suddenly and she saw him. Alone at the edge of the platform, his bag clutched firmly in one hand, he stood resolutely. For a moment her heart caught in her throat and she took a step backwards. It wasn't too late. She didn't have to do this. Then he turned, his eyes met hers, the sadness still lingering there and she knew he deserved to be happy.

Sully was surprised to see her, wondering what her sudden appearance meant. For one brief moment his heart soared and he actually thought that perhaps she was going to accompany him west; that they might be starting their life together. Yet that thought was quickly dispelled, the pain in her eyes making his heart pound fiercely in his chest. Somewhere inside he knew why she was here but he refused to face it. Sully started towards her but then stopped, his mouth growing dry and his feet feeling like lead.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she stepped closer purposefully avoiding his eyes. "Is it Josef?"

"No," she whispered, her voice already thick with unshed tears.

He knew then. He wasn't even sure why he knew but he knew. "Michaela?" His voice cracked as he spoke and the first tear fell down her cheek only to be joined by more. "Michaela don't' do this," Sully begged his eyes filling with tears. "We've waited too long to be together. We can make it work somehow."

"Sully, please I can't." The tears were flowing steadily down Michaela's cheeks now.

"Do ya need more time? I'll wait for ya Michaela – for as long as it takes." The desperation he felt inside obvious in his words.

"I don't want you to wait for me Sully – not anymore. I've been selfish for so long; I can't ask you to wait again. It's not fair to you. It's never been fair to you," she sobbed.

"Oh God, what are you doing?" Sully asked as the tears now slipped down his own cheeks.

Michaela took the ring from her pocket and pressed it against his palm. The metal was cool but it burned in her fingers. Her only desire had been to proudly wear that ring and now she would never know that joy. She knew that her heart was literally being ripped out of her chest and that she was the one doing the ripping but she truly believed it was for the best – for her and for Sully.

The train whistle blew. "Sully you have to go," Michaela said trying hard to suppress the pain that made it difficult to breath. Boldly, Sully pulled her into his embrace and kissed her deeply on the lips. Michaela couldn't help but respond even though she knew she should have pulled away.

Sully pulled back and looked into her eyes. "This is really good-bye, isn't it?"

Michaela could not speak but only nodded. "I would have waited for you forever," he said pulling her close once more.

"I know," she said finding a new strength within herself. "Because you promised me you would but Sully I release you from that promise."

He let go of her abruptly as her words began to sting him deeply. "I would have waited forever," he said again before he turned stepping onto the train. Stumbling forward, he was unaware of anything but the deep ache in his chest. The rest of his body felt numb moving steadily through the passages. He ignored the stares of those he passed by, completely unaware of the tears running down his cheeks. Then he was alone in a compartment, the shades drawn, the door closed. An empty compartment to match the emptiness he felt inside.

In the darkness he tried to make sense of what was happening. The ring was still gripped tightly in his fingers, the prongs that held the diamond cutting into his flesh but he was immune to the pain. His mind ran backwards, trying desperately to find the moment when things changed - the moment he lost her. Things were so hectic when he first arrived in Boston with Josef ill but once they had found out that is was only a mild stroke, Michaela relaxed. There were moments of levity.. .they were on the Common, the winter wind whipping her hair around them as they huddled together. She was teasing him about some girl who was staring at him in the hospital, wondering how many girls in Colorado Springs had taken notice of him.

"It's not fair you know."

"What's not fair?" Sully asked feigning ignorance.

"That you won't ever tell me about the girls in Colorado."

"There's nothing to tell," Sully said smiling at her. "'Sides ya don't hear me asking about the boys in Boston."

"That's because there aren't any boys in Boston that I'm interested in," Michaela replied.

"And there aren't any girls in Colorado that I'm interested in."

Michaela gave him a playful smile. "That may be true but you won't even tell me about the girls that are interested in you. I told you about David."

"That's 'cause there ain't no girls interested in me."

"That's not what Daniel says."

"Them girls Daniel is talkin' about get paid to be nice to the men if ya know what I mean."

"I'm not talkin' about those kind of girls. I'm talking about some little brunette who works in a general store in Colorado Springs. Daniel says she's sweet on you."

Sully rolled his eyes. "Daniel doesn't know when to keep his big mouth shut."

"What's her name?" Michaela asked her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"Abigail," Sully replied giving her a suspicious look.

"You know her name," Michaela said pretending to be shocked.

"Are ya gonna get all jealous on me?" Sully wrapped his arm around her waist and scooted closer to her.

"Depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Is she pretty?"

"I didn't notice," he replied giving her a little smirk.

"You didn't notice if she was pretty?" Michaela asked rather incredulously. "Even a pretty girl turns my father's head and he's married."

"Ain't no reason for me to look. There's only one girl I want and she's right here in front of me."

Michaela felt herself melt at his words. "Good answer," she said leaning in towards him. "Tell me about her."

"Why?" Sully asked with his eyes trained on her lips as he found it hard to think clearly with her so close.

"I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Sully said. "Besides she's only sixteen."

"Sixteen?" Michaela repeated crinkling up her nose.

"And I only like older women," Sully returned finally closing the distance between them with a heated kiss.

That wasn't the only kiss… more followed, lulling him into a false sense of security. Yet deep down he knew… perhaps even before he came that something was wrong. She was so veiled in her letters to him as if a wall was erected between them. It was as if all the suffrage meetings, all the women's rights jargon was so firmly planted in her mind, she couldn't even hear him anymore. That was what hurt… she didn't believe him. The day it had become clear to him still stuck in his mind. They were in Josef's office at the hospital. She looked so official, reading a chart as she sat behind her father's desk. Sully couldn't resist saying something.

"Hello Dr. Quinn," he said as he entered.

"Right," she replied, a frown settling on her face.

"What's wrong?"

Michaela sighed loudly and looked up at him. "I don't know. I suppose I feel silly sometimes like I'm putting myself through all this for no reason."

"Michaela why would ya say that? You've always wanted to be a doctor."

"Everything feels so futile recently." She looked up at him for a moment and then turned towards the window. "I received a card from my old roommate, Miriam, this morning. She and Robert are all settled in San Francisco and she's pregnant already. I guess it's good she gave up medicine."

"I'd never do that to ya Michaela – I'd never make you choose."

Turning her head down, she made a tiny sound in the back of her throat. "Maybe," she whispered.

"Michaela I ain't gonna make ya choose! Why do ya keep thinkin' I am?" Sully was exasperated by this point in time. He felt like screaming out his frustration or grabbing her by the shoulders and trying to shake some sense into her.

"Sully you don't understand. It's all well and fine for you to stand here and tell me I won't have to choose but I will someday." She was completely unemotional, her voice almost detached as she logically reasoned the argument out. "When we have children, I will have to choose."

Sully looked at her, hurt clearly showing on his face. "Why are ya doin' this?"

"I don't expect you to understand," she whispered feeling her detachment began to slip away from her. "How could you understand? You're a man – you don't know what it's like. If I marry you Sully, I give up my independence – I give up essentially who I am. I take your name, I have your children, I keep your house, and my property becomes yours."

"It ain't gotta be that way Michaela. I don't see it that way. Ya know that. It doesn't have to be one or the other." His voice was softer now as he watched her face slowly began to change from one of confidence to one of doubt.

With a tiny shrug of her shoulders, she turned away. "We'll see," she muttered almost hopelessly.

That was the day things began to change. The day that Sully knew somewhere deep inside that there was something wrong at the core of their relationship and he even questioned if it could be fixed. Did that matter now? Did it matter at all? It was over.. finished….

* * *

**Boston – January 3, 1859**

Darkness. Complete darkness. Even the moon was covered as if in mourning. Turning slightly, she pressed her face against the cool leather of her father's office chair, immediately aware that the tears were falling once again. A sound of anguish escaped her lips as she tried hard to muffle the sobs that chocked her. No one knew yet what she had done but they would all be happy. Tentatively she reached out towards the desk, her fingers closing over the thick paper laid out there. There was no light to see the words but that didn't matter, they were burned indelibly upon her mind. _Byron Sully will receive the house and estate including half of all assets providing that he is not married to my daughter Michaela Quinn. _The first time she read the words, her father sent her home to retrieve something from the office for him. Now she didn't even remember what that something was. Obviously Josef acted on purpose wanting her to see the will, to know that Sully's future lay in her hands. Yet it was also Josef's way of letting her know he still had the upper hand. As he made a quick recovery after the stroke, Sully's visits were filled with jovial laughing – acting as if things were as they used to be. Yet when Michaela was alone her father was different. She knew what he intended for her to take from all of this - Sully was his son but only as long as he stayed away from Michaela.

Michaela knew Sully wouldn't care about the money that perhaps he would even refuse it but that wasn't what mattered at the moment. Once again she was the source of him having to give up something. Once again, he would lose out because of her. Perhaps she never would have thought that way if it wasn't for their fight a few days before Christmas. The one where she swore her father was not against them – if only she had known. The house was deserted. Sully stood in the middle of the parlor, his hands clasped around her waist, trying to kiss the side of her face.

"Sully," she scolded. "What if someone comes home?"

"We are engaged and last time I checked they all knew about that." Again he leaned in planting a series of kisses to the side of her jaw.

"Not everyone knows," she replied twisting slightly away from him.

Sully let go and moved back a few steps, hurt at her rebuff. "Who doesn't know?"

"We haven't officially announced our engagement yet," she replied trying to keep her voice steady. Truth was the engagement party was cancelled because of her father's illness which Elizabeth was only too happy to do.

Waiting a moment to stop the anger that rose up in side of him, Sully took a deep breath. "Is that your mother talking? Ain't ever let official announcements stop us before." Michaela replied with a shrug of her shoulders, her eyes finding the pattern of the rug suddenly riveting. "Or is it your Father?" There was no reply at all this time so Sully continued, "Michaela don't ya see what's happin'? Don't ya see how we're being forced apart?"

"No, Sully. I don't see any of that and I'm tired of you accusing father of being manipulative. He is only trying to ensure that I become a doctor. He doesn't want anything to interfere with that." She knew her words weren't exactly truthful but she wasn't ready to face the truth. Her father's disappointment was obvious in every glance he gave her, in every word he spoke and it hurt, worse than anything in her life had ever hurt.

"Lord forbid something interferes with that!"

"So we're back to that again, are we? Why don't you just admit you don't want me to be a doctor?"

"Michaela stop putting words in my mouth. I have never said that."

"But you've certainly implied it enough times."

Sully threw his hands up in frustration as he turned to look out the window unsure of what else to say to help improve the situation. After a moment of silence, he felt Michaela's hand on his shoulder. "No," he said brushing it away. "I gotta have my say here. Every time I've come home recently, I spend two or three days convincin' ya that I love ya, that I support you're becoming a doctor, that I want what's best for ya. I wanna know why? Who's filllin' your head with all this nonsense when I'm not here?"

"Maybe this isn't going to work," Michaela whispered nervously fingering the ring on her left hand.

Sully turned quickly to look at her. "How can you say that?" he asked crossing to her. "Who is it Michaela? Who is brainwashin' ya into believing that I don't care about ya?"

Michaela simply shook her head as Sully took her hands in his own. "Is it your father? Your mother? Your sisters? Tell me."

Michaela swallowed hard as she looked up into his eyes. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Things never seem to get any easier. And now we spend half the time that we're together fighting. We can't make the simplest decisions without having a major argument."

Sully breathed in deeply as his eyes filled with tears. He knew what he was about to say was not going to be received well but still he was determined to say it. "Michaela, it's not us picking these fights. We made all our decisions a long time ago- together. We agreed that you would finish medical school and then we would get married and move west. But all of a sudden that plan is not good enough for ya."

Sully wasn't finished but Michaela cut him off. "I didn't understand about being a doctor when we made that plan. I can't pick up and move across the country before I even establish myself in a practice here."

"Is that you talking or your father?" Sully asked as the realization of who was poisoning Michaela's mind against him finally came to light.

"Leave him out of it Sully!" Michaela's nostrils flared as she glared at Sully who was not backing down in the least.

"Why should I? He's the one standin' between us."

Michaela took a deep breath, torn about what to admit. Agreeing with Sully would mean admitting how Josef viewed him as a threat rather than a son. Feeling unable to face the truth, she lied, "No, he isn't. The only one standing between us is you and your need to run my life."

Instantly, Michaela felt bad for what she had said. She could see the pain in Sully's eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered reaching out to him.

Sully's eyes were large as he considered her. He felt her hand lying on his shoulder. Part of him wanted to forgive her for what she had said while the other part wanted to run out of the room. "Ya can't fix everything with sorry," he whispered pulling her into his embrace and holding her close to his chest wondering where they were going to go from here.

Michaela was not content to simply rest against him though. She felt suffocated – his arms were suddenly too much. Turning her face up to him, she took a deep breath and began to speak. "Sully I'm serious about having to establish myself in Boston. No one's going to hire a doctor who hasn't practiced anywhere yet. Besides Father may need my help in the future…"

That was all the impetus Sully needed to remove his arms from around her. "What are ya sayin'?"

Michaela hesitated for a minute before she tried to explain. "After we marry, we may need to live in Boston for a year… just 'til I get established. Hopefully Father will be well by then and won't need my help." Her voice was quiet and repentant, knowing Sully was not going to take this well. She looked up the anger evident on his face. "Or we could simply wait until after I've established my practice and then get married?"

Clenching his fists at the side of his body, he took a step backwards to prevent himself from reaching out and grabbing her by the arms. The urge was there and it scared him though he knew he would never act on it. "I don't want to wait anymore," he barked, his words only making things more confusing.

"So you want to marry sooner?" she asked tentatively trying to match his tone with his words.

"I ain't livin' in Boston," he retorted simply. "And I'm tired of always waitin' for you. Don't ya think I've done enough waiting?"

"Sully, I know but I promise…"

He cut her off. "Michaela ain't no promise needed. Ya said ya'd marry me – that we'd live in Colorado. I'm buildin' us a house for god's sake."

"I know and I want to marry you and live in Colorado. It will only be a small delay."

With an impatient stomp of his foot, Sully grunted loudly suppressing the urge to outright scream at her. "No! No more delays! You want to stay here in Boston – fine!! Ya can do it without me."

The emptiness she felt inside as he stormed from the room was similar to what she felt now sitting here in the dark. Sully was so angry then though, nothing like the shell of the man she watched step onto the train the morning before. Her words on that day almost two weeks ago only angered him but the words she spoke this morning – they were his undoing as they had been hers. For two weeks they barely spoke, neither sure what could cross the divide that separated them. Michaela took to heart every word he said and found that he was right. She was the one who always asked for more… always took more and rarely gave. Sully didn't deserve to be treated like this, she had told herself. Time she told herself, time would heal the pain and they would move on. It would be hard but only because they were so close – he wasn't just her fiancé but her best friend. And perhaps they could even remain friends after the healing. She would like that…. Otherwise she would miss him too much.

* * *

**Outside of St. Louis - January 5, 1859**

Days passed in an endless haze of tears and anguish. At some point he knew he would be angry but for now he couldn't even conceive of anger. He felt her pain as real as he felt his own and though he couldn't make sense of her actions, he knew it wasn't any easier for her. The train ride to St. Louis passed in a blur with Sully seldom eating or even leaving his compartment. The bed was never pulled down by the porter or himself, rather he sat for days on end in the same place, the shades drawn and the ring in his hand. Putting it away would mean it really was over and he simply couldn't bring himself to do that yet. He rarely looked at it but held it in his hand, pressing it against his palm. The smoothness of the metal combined with the sharpness of the diamond reminded him that he was still alive, still breathing. For the first time in days, he opened the shade letting the moonlight pour into the compartment, watching the endless expanse of land they passed. It would have been soothing but the moonlight only made him think of her and the way she looked the night he'd apologized… apologized for hasty words that he couldn't make up for no matter how hard he tried.

"Michaela?" He tapped lightly against her bedroom door. Elizabeth was asleep, exhausted from another day spent at the hospital and Sully knew this was his last chance to speak to her alone before he left Boston. "Michaela," he whispered a little louder.

The padding of feet across the floor could be heard and then the door opened to him. The moonlight framed her perfectly and if it wasn't for the ache in his heart reflected in her eyes, it would have been a romantic setting. "I don't want to leave ya like this," he began stepping into the room. "What I said… it wasn't fair. I ain't got a right to make demands on ya like that especially right now when everything is so up in the air."

"But you were right. I've been selfish… I've taken your willingness to wait for me for granted. You've always sacrificed more than me for this relationship. You gave up your chance to be adopted by my father…. You've worked so hard for us… " Her voice trailed off as the words only made the truth set in firmer. "I've never been fair to you."

"Michaela it was my choice. I don't mind waiting…. I just get impatient sometimes. I'll wait forever if I have to. I love you and no amount of waiting is going to change that."

She managed a weak smile, knowing what she had already decided. "I love you too but maybe that's not enough."

Growing concerned he stepped closer, noticing for the first time that the ring was missing from her finger. "Where's your ring Michaela?"

"I was going to give it back to you in the morning," she admitted slowly, dropping her eyes. "It's not fair for me to keep you hanging on like this..."

"No," he gasped reaching for her hand. "Ya don't mean that."

She moved into him though taking his face between her hands. "You deserve to be happy and I don't make you happy anymore… I might never make you happy again…."

"You do make me happy." He pulled her close against him. "You're the only thing that makes me happy. Don't push me away."

With that she collapsed against him, her resolve fading fast in his arms. She never said a word but the way she clung to him, peppering his neck with kisses made Sully believe that he had convinced her. When he left her she was tucked into bed, the covers pulled up tightly around her. Her eyes were closed as he kissed her lips gently and he believed that she was already on her way to dreamland. What he didn't know is that she barely slept that night, the decision still playing over and over in her mind, only to be revealed as Sully boarded a train the next morning.

Back in reality, the sun was rising as the train slowed for its approach to St. Louis. Numbness permeated his movements – departing the train, finding the coach, climbing inside. He was with others for the first time in days but he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep to avoid the polite conversation that was customary. Sometime during the stage coach ride, the tears dried up and anger began to set in. At moments he was angry at Michaela, so angry that it scared him. Other times he was angry at himself, angry for the harsh words he had spoken. What he wouldn't give to take it all back now but he knew that wasn't possible. And she was right, the things he said – there was truth in his words. He did feel as if he has sacrificed so much for her and he still was suspicious about Josef's part even though the older man was nothing but kind during his visits.

Miles and miles of prairie lay between him and Colorado but it passed in the same mindless haze that the train ride passed. When the mountains rose up in the distance, Sully found that he was mixed about going back to Colorado Springs. There would be Daniel and Sarah who would want to know what had happened. There would be the house… the house he was building for her… useless now. Yet it would be good to be in a place he felt comfortable with friends who might at least sympathize with him. There was always work as well, mining that would fill his days as he tried to recover from the blinding blow he was recently dealt.

Stepping off the stagecoach, the first thing he saw was Daniel with Sarah at his side. The protruding bump on her abdomen was like a punch in the stomach – a reminder that all his dreams were shattered. Never would he share this with Michaela. All the thoughts about their future together were in vain – there would be no marriage, no children. Stumbling forward, he stopped in front of them and held up the ring. Daniel swallowed hard, unsure what to say to his friend. Sarah reached for Sully, her hand closing over his shoulder. He tried to speak, his mouth opening and then closing, the pain in his eyes obvious.

"Sh…sh…," Sarah whispered stepping closer. "It's gonna be okay."

"No, it's not," he said, his voice deadpan. "It's over."

"We know." Daniel looked directly at him, determined to stand beside him during this time.

Sully's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Ya know?"

Both shuffled their feet, exchanging a nervous glance with one another. "Michaela was worried about you," Sarah whispered. "She sent a telegram."

For one moment, hope flashed across his face. She cared. She was worried. But it wasn't enough. He hung his head to hide the fresh tears that filled his eyes. With whispered words from Sarah, they turned and headed for the wagon never noticing the big brown eyes that stood only a few feet away, carefully listening to each and every word.

* * *

**Boston, January 7, 1859**

Slipping into her father's office, she reveled in the solitude that she found there. Her father was recovering at home now and he asked her to stop by his office and bring some files home. Michaela told him this morning – told him that she gave Sully the ring back – that she broke the engagement. Even though he tried hard to hide it, Michaela could see the joy in his eyes. It only confirmed her suspicion that this was what he wanted. She was more convinced than ever that he intended for her to see the will and to realize that she would be the one depriving Sully of such an inheritance.

Sighing loudly, she walked to the window and looked down onto the street below. People passed back and forth, chatting with companions amicably. A doctor stopped on the portico of the hospital, discussing a case undoubtedly with a colleague. A wagon passed loaded down with crates, certainly on its way to the train station. A little girl ran to catch up with her mother. Life continued, Michaela thought to herself. No matter if she felt as if the world had stopped, it hadn't. Life rushed on all around her taunting her with a happiness she would never know.

A gentle knock came to the door but she ignored it, wishing to remain in her own sphere of pain and anguish. It was probably only William anyway, who suddenly developed an annoying habit of checking on her at the most inconvenient times. She was surprised when she heard the door creak on its hinges and she quickly turned ready to give the interloper a tongue lashing. Yet the fire went right out of her when she saw Rebecca standing there, a look of concern on her face.

"Michaela, are you alright?"

"Fine," she replied wiping quickly at a few stray tears. "Just tidying up father's office a little." She quickly moved to the desk and picked up some charts hastily pretending to sort them.

"You don't have to pretend Michaela. Mother told me that you and Sully have called off your engagement."

A look of surprise crossed her face as she looked up at her sister. "I guess good news travels fast."

"Good news?" Rebecca asked, a confused look on her face. "How is this possibly good news?"

Michaela shook her head and turned back towards the desk. "It's not… I only meant… well good news for everyone else."

"I don't understand."

"No one wanted us together," she whispered. "I'm not blind."

"Michaela that isn't true. I love Sully and I thought he was perfect for you… he understood your desire to be a doctor."

"But during the summer…"

Rebecca cut her off. "Oh Michaela I was worried that you received the wrong impression from me this summer. I only thought that you needed to be more cautious with your physical contact. I never meant that I didn't think you should marry."

A look of consternation passed over Michaela's face and before she knew what was happening, she found herself in her sister's embrace, crying out her pain. It felt good to have some sympathy and she lapped it up greedily. "Oh Michaela," Rebecca sighed. "I would have stood beside you… even if no one else came to the wedding I would have been there…"

"It doesn't matter now," she whispered depression setting in more intensely. "It's for the best… it's for the best."

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Michaela looked down at the files in front of her, finding it hard to concentrate on work. The wedding was only a week away – the day she had looked forward to most of her life was finally here. The clinic door opened and she looked up, a smile instantly spreading over her face. "I thought you were going to check your traps."

"I just told ya that," he laughed moving towards the desk where she sat. "I got a surprise for ya."

Michaela gave him a questioning look as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "What's the surprise?"

"I'm gonna get to that in a minute," he teased. "Did ya order the dresses?"

A soft smile graced her lips. "I told you last night that I wasn't going to. I don't care about having fancy things. I only care about being your wife… and you being my husband. We'll do this wedding in a manner you can afford… in a manner we can afford." She stood then and clasped her hands behind his neck. "I'll wear my blue dress… you always said you liked me in that one."

"I do," he replied. "But ya won't have to wear it."

Michaela furrowed her brow. "What are you up to?"

Sully only laughed and moved away from her, going back to the door of the clinic. He threw open the door and smiled broadly. "Surprise."

There stood Rebecca with Emily just behind her, both smiling widely. Michaela's mouth was wide open in shock. "Rebecca?"

Unable to contain her excitement one moment longer, Rebecca moved inside to hug Michaela. "I told you I'd stand by your side no matter what," she whispered in her ear.

"Thank you," Michaela replied tears filling her eyes. She turned and Emily ran into her full steam, hugging her tightly unable to contain her excitement one moment longer.

"We brought you a dress, Aunt Michaela."

"A dress?"

"And it's absolutely beautiful." Michaela looked back at the door, the fiery red catching her eye.

"Marjorie?"

"Well someone had to bring some semblance of civilization to this godforsaken place." She smiled widely and turned. "Come on William," she said impatiently, waving from just inside the door.

Michaela wasn't sure whether to laugh or be angry with her sister's comment but she let it go, choosing instead to turn towards Sully. "You knew about this?"

With a tight lipped smiled he nodded. "Yeah." Opening his arms to her, she moved in right beside him.

"Thank you," she whispered nestling her head under his chin. "Thank you so much."

* * *

_Thanks for reading everyone!! I am hoping to really crank out some chapters in the coming weeks cause I know we are ready to see them back together!!_


	112. Chapter 112

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twelve**

**Colorado Springs – January 10, 1859**

With rosy cheeks she emerged from her bedroom, humming softly to herself. A wide smile was perched on her face, her dark hair flowing down her back. Loren stopped and smiled at the sight in front of him. Abigail was back to her old self after spending most of December sulking. There was no more moping about, sighing and daydreaming but she was actually working, smiling and acting friendly. He had no idea what brought Abigail out of her funk but he didn't care – the only thing that mattered was he had his little girl back.

Maude, who watched her daughter more carefully, knew that the change was wrought with the stagecoach's arrival last week. Of course she wasn't privy to her daughter's secrets so she couldn't be sure. Still if she had to bet, her money was on the young handsome man who worked out at Cripple Creek mine. Jake Slicker had seriously courted Abigail for a bit in the fall but he was put off by her December funk and hadn't been around much lately. That suited Maude just fine – she never particularly cared for Jake. For one, he drank too much but she also thought he was a little too cocky. On the other hand, she knew little about this new interest of Abby's but she was observant enough to know he never visited the saloon. To her that was enough for her blanket approval, knowing that even her own husband snuck over there from time to time.

Abigail was always secretive but recently she became even more so. She had never enjoyed the camaraderie of girls her own age, always thinking herself better than the poor offspring of miners and farmers. It was best, she decided early on to keep plans to herself and neither of her parents had any idea what she was plotting. Loren was so glad to see her smiling that he would have given her anything she asked for. In the past two days, he allowed her to order two new dresses and didn't even baulk at the price. While her father was in such high spirits, Abby took advantage of the opportunity to order new shoes and ear bobs as well. Her ears weren't actually pierced yet but that she would take care of soon enough.

Heading for the front door, she turned and gave a small wave to her Father. "Be back in a bit," she hollered and then scampered outside. The sun was up trying it's hardest to dispel January's cold temperatures and failing miserably. Abigail barely noticed though – she was a woman on a mission. Her first stop was the telegraph office where she knew the new telegraph officer, Horace Bing would be just opening up. Unbuttoning the top of her dress, she reached up and gave both cheeks a little pinch to add a little more color. With a satisfied smile, she stepped inside.

"Good morning Miss Bray," Horace greeted her with a nod of his head. "I got your father's mail right here."

"Thank you," she replied in her sweetest voice, batting her eyelashes as she spoke. "But please call me Abigail, everyone does."

"Alright, Miss Abigal." With that he gave her a toothy grin as if proud that he was now on a first name basis with her.

Abigail suppressed a laugh. This was going to be easier than she thought. "You know I've always been fascinated by the telegraph." She leaned across the counter as she spoke, so that the top of her dress fell open a little where she had earlier undone the buttons.

Horace grew nervous, his eyes widening at the sight before him. "Ya have?" he managed to mutter.

"Umm- hmm. I always wondered how far ya can send a telegram to. Like did ya ever get a telegram from New York? Maybe Philadelphia? Or from Boston?" These were random guesses on her part; choosing cities she knew were large back east.

"I got a telegram from Boston last week," he said the goofy grin quickly replaced with a frown. "But I ain't suppose to tell ya that. I took an oath and I got to keep my word."

"Wow.. an oath." Abby laid it on thick, wrapping one strand of hair around her finger and twirling it. "I bet you have some important telegrams come in here. Like that one from Boston… I bet it was important." She reached across the desk towards him, laying a hand against his arm.

Horace found himself mesmerized by her touch. His cheeks turned bright red. "Nah… not really important…"

Widening her eyes, she tried to mimic a surprised look. "I bet I know… Daniel and his wife are from Boston.. probably business about the mine."

Horace caught himself before he went any further. "Sorry Miss Abigail I really can't tell… I took an.."

Abby interrupted him. "An oath.. I know." She straightened quickly, removing her hand from his arm, acting suddenly cold towards him. Snatching up the mail, she turned to walk out the door, a frown permanently planted on her face.

"Bye Abigail," Horace called after her waving frantically but she ignored him, hurrying back to the mercantile angry but not defeated.

* * *

**Maryland - March 22, 1859**

Staring out at the bleak landscape before her, Michaela sighed deeply. Part of her was excited to be back in Maryland again even if only for the weekend. It was on Rebecca's advice that she decided to flee Philadelphia for Anna's house, hoping that Ida and John could lift her spirits. They both knew what had occurred between Michaela and Sully but remained strangely quiet which worried Michaela. That was only a small part of her concern about going to the place she considered home though. Maryland wasn't only her sanctuary; it was Sully's as well. Each nook and cranny of the house held memories of him, perhaps mementos as well but she would ignore them the best she could and concentrate on enjoying her visit. Besides, she brought all her school work so she would have plenty to keep her occupied.

The train slowed on its approach to Baltimore but Michaela didn't gather her belongings. Rather she settled deeper into the seat, her feet feeling as if they contained lead. A dull ache just behind her eyes made it hard to look at the light emitting from the hazy sky. She closed her eyes momentarily bringing a hand up to rub at her temples but found it did little to help. The train jolted to a stop and still she remained seated, trying hard to focus her thoughts before she debarked. The urge to cry was rising in her throat but she was determined to maintain her composure.

Finally, she stood and gathered her items, throwing the book she was supposed to be reading into her bag. The corridor was practically empty now, everyone having rushed off as soon as they arrived. She was supposed to meet John at the harbor so she was surprised when she spotted them standing nervously on the platform, their eyes roaming the thinning crowd. Michaela, determined to not get upset, gave a small wave as she emerged from the train and instantly received two warm smiles in return. Rapidly they approached her, John taking the bag from her hand so that Ida could embrace her in a warm hug.

"Ya alright?" she asked, her eyes two pools of concern for the young woman before her. Michaela opened her mouth to speak but closed it immediately fearing she might break down.

John wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Probably tired from the trip," he said covering her silence. He gave Ida a look of warning, determined to remind her that they had agreed not to pry but only speak of Sully if Michaela brought it up. She pursed her lips but grew quiet. "We got a carriage waitin' to take us to the dock," John added. "Ya need to do anything here 'fore we head back across the bay."

"No… I'm anxious to get to the house." Her voice was quiet and strained but she was finally able to speak.

Ida decided to try a slightly different route. Taking Michaela by the hand, she began rambling on endlessly. "We can't wait to get ya home either. I been bakin' all morning and John got a deer yesterday so we can have a nice venison roast for dinner."

Michaela smiled, knowing that Ida's cooking was rather comforting. "And rolls?" she asked.

"Proofin' at home as we speak." Ida raised her eyebrows at the young woman. "And I done baked an apple pie too."

"And a bread pudding… and a coffee cake…" John smiled at his wife and then winked at Michaela.

"You must have thought Sully was with me," she replied jovially but instantly turned her face down, unsure where her words came from.

"I've planted some flowers at Anna's grave," Ida quickly began, hoping to distract her from the mention of Sully. "With the warm weather we've enjoyed recently I bet the hyacinths are already blooming. Daffodils are up in the front gardens." Ida continued on recounting every flower planted on the property. Her conversation was welcome though, distracting Michaela from cloudy thoughts. As they climbed into the carriage to head towards the harbor, Ida began to recount recent happenings in town trying hard to fill the silence. Yet it finally came to end when they climbed aboard the boat, mostly because Michaela stopped listening. As usual, she took up post on the deck, sitting down and dangling her feet over the edge. It didn't matter that the air was chilly or the spray of the water even colder. She longed to have the wind whip around her, drowning out all sound as she simply enjoyed the ride across the bay. Nothing helped though - memories like an endless parade marched before her eyes. This was the boat Sully learned to sail on and this was the spot they nearly first kissed. Below deck was the place they spent a heated afternoon…..

For Michaela it was the first crack in the walls she built to keep her emotions in check. If she only knew that by the end of the weekend she would be searching out remnants of Sully, clinging to memories that she had spent months running away from.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – March 23, 1859**

The news came from Charlotte Cooper the day after the birth. The colored girl, as the people of Colorado Springs took to calling her, gave birth to a little boy. Charlotte declared it was the most beautiful baby she had ever set eyes on, besides her own. His eyes were the color of the Colorado skyline on a clear day; his skin one shade lighter than Sarah's. The delivery went rather routinely though she labored hard for over half a day but Charlotte simply chocked this up to a first pregnancy. Charlotte stood in the store telling the story, beaming from ear to ear as nosy women gathered to listen. She claimed the baby didn't cry when born but rather gave a yawn and seemed to go right back to sleep. Everyone chuckled at this and began asking questions though they wouldn't be caught dead talking to Sarah herself.

For Abby, the birth was wonderful news. Unlike most of the townspeople, she didn't condemn Daniel and Sarah as sinners for being of different races wondering where in the Bible this was cited as a sin. Besides, she genuinely liked Sarah who came from the east and wore clothes that Abigail recognized as the latest fashion. She was the only person in Colorado Springs who had a servant, a young black girl Daniel hired in the seventh month of Sarah's pregnancy. Everyone else said they were putting on airs but Abigail knew better. It was only at Daniel's insistence that they would be helping the family out that Sarah finally gave in and consented to hiring her. Still to Abby it was glamorous to have someone at your beck and call and she admired Sarah for it. Of course even if none of this would have been true, she would have liked Sarah, who in her naivety fed Abigail snatches of information about Sully.

For Abby, the news of the birth meant that Sully would be in town to buy a gift or at least she hoped. It had been over a month since she caught a glimpse of him in the telegraph office picking up his mail. Each day since hearing the news, she took particular care with her clothes and hair, ensuring she looked her absolute best on the mere chance that today Sully might show up. She was overdressed to work in the store but she didn't care, hoping to catch Sully's eye if it was the last thing she did.

On this particular day she was wearing a green taffeta with a beautiful scoop neckline that Loren hated. The crispness of her ivory skin stood out against the dark color of the dress, her eyes also sparkling with flecks of green. Her hair was down in curls that bounced when she walked across the store, something she did often simply to show off. Abby was totaling Mrs. May's groceries when she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. Quickly she finished with the elderly woman's order and then left the store with only a brief word to her mother. He was just leaving the telegraph office now, walking with his head down in her direction. Abby increased her pace, purposefully bumping into him when he didn't look up.

"Sorry," Sully mumbled glancing up quickly.

"It's alright. I'm afraid I wasn't watching where I was going." Abby smiled widely as she spoke, making sure to ruffle the skirt of her dress to attract his attention.

"I wasn't watchin' either," he admitted straightening his jacket and looking off into the distance. "Best get goin'. Daniel and Sarah are expectin' me for lunch."

"Have you seen the baby yet?" Abby asked excitedly, purposefully trying to hold him there for a little bit longer.

Sully swallowed hard, not wanting to admit his own reluctance to see the child. He was happy for Daniel and Sarah but their happiness made his own heartache only more real. "Not yet," he chocked out. "That's why I'm goin' there today."

Acting as if she hadn't heard his response, Abby continued, "Do you know what she named him?"

"John Michael," Sully whispered.

"That's so nice. Is he named after someone?"

Sully shifted uncomfortably and once again looked off into the horizon. "John after a friend of Sarah's back east and Michael after her best friend."

Abby raised her eyes. "Her best friend is a boy?"

"No… a girl named Michaela." A look of utter desperation spread over Sully's face as the name passed his lips but Abigail never noticed. She was so thrilled that he was talking to her for more than a few seconds that she was totally oblivious to his reactions.

"It's customary to bring a gift. I could help ya pick something out at the mercantile." She reached out and touched his forearm as she spoke, demurely lowering her eyes as if by this one motion she made her forwardness acceptable.

"I … I guess… I…" Sully stumbled over his words unsure what to do. The truth was he hadn't thought of bringing a gift but now that Abby mentioned it, he thought it was a good idea. He wasn't sure what feelings seeing the baby would elicit in him but a gift would be a nice touch. "Yeah… if ya don't mind helping."

Sully didn't move but Abby practically jumped forward when she heard his words. Linking her arm with his, she dragged him towards the mercantile, eagerly rattling off gift ideas. Sully was unresponsive to her touch but followed mechanically. It would be the first of such accidental meetings, that eventually would become too frequent to consider coincidental.

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – March 23, 1859**

Neither Ida nor John knew exactly how best to help her. For one, they couldn't understand why she had made the decision to break up with Sully in the first place but they couldn't ask her directly or indirectly for that matter. Instead they tried to fill the weekend with activities to keep Michaela busy. On Friday it worked like a charm and for a bit it seemed as if the old Michaela was back. The spark returned to her eyes briefly but sometime on Friday night while she was alone in her room, they lost her again.

Saturday morning, she went through the motions with them. Going sailing with John, baking biscuits with Ida but nothing seemed to work this time. When she retired to her room on Saturday afternoon, she gave the excuse of being tired but she was fooling no one. Michaela climbed the stairs slowly, passing right by her room and continuing onto the one Sully had slept in ever since they were children. Drawn to the door, she paused on the outside and laid her head against the cool wood. Closing her eyes, she tried to pretend that she could hear him just inside, moving about.

With one quick movement she threw open the door and entered. Her eyes roamed the room, searching out any sign of him but finding none. She approached the bed and threw herself across it, trying desperately to catch the scent of him but it was gone as well. It was as if he had never been here and that only made it worse. For months now she tried to wipe him out of her life but now when she wanted to remember, she found nothing to help her.

Ida followed her up the stairs at a distance and when she saw her go into the room, she slipped back down the stairs to retrieve the bag in which she tucked reminders of him away. The thought had been to make this as painless as possible but now both she and John realized that they approached this all wrong. She was crying for a safe place in which to be comforted and they were that place. Together this time they climbed the stairs, each standing in the doorway for a moment before speaking.

Michaela wiped at her eyes as she turned and sat up on the bed, surprised to see both John and Ida present. "I'm alright," she whispered through her tears, wishing to be left alone.

Ida put her hands on her hips but when she spoke the tone was gentle. "Ya ain't alright and no one expects ya to be. Ain't never heard of a mother and father can't see what's goin' on with their own daughter." This last sentence was muttered under her breath.

Seeing the anger rising on his wife's face, John stepped in. "Ya are allowed to be upset," he said in that rich deep voice that made something in Michaela's stomach quiver. "It ain't easy always be strong… sometimes ya just got take some time to grieve… to remember what ya done lost."

Michaela nodded wiping again at her cheeks. "I was going to." She spread out her hands around the room. "I was looking for him but he's not here… nothing of his is here."

"I done cleaned it all out when ya saids ya were comin'," Ida replied hoisting the bag onto the bed. "It's all in here." With hungry eyes, she observed the bag before her ready to sort through the contents. "And those letters ya done brought here are in the back of the pantry. I can have John bring 'em up if ya want."

At first Michaela wasn't sure what she was referring to but then she remembered that she had stored Sully's old letters to her here to keep them away from prying eyes in Boston. "If you would," she said, pleading with her eyes.

"Course I will. Ida gonna make ya some tea and I'll bring up the letters. And ya just do what ya want – we'll be downstairs when ya need us."

When she finally found herself alone, Michaela ripped into the bag first pulling out a shirt. She held it to her nose and there within the confines of the material was something oddly familiar and though it probably smelled of mothballs to Michaela it smelled like Sully. There was a poetry book, left behind by accident she was certain. At the bottom of the bag was an old drawing pad which Michaela took her time looking through, reliving each and every memory of their childhood through his eyes. She drank the tea Ida brought her and she read some of the letters until she felt she had enough. Only then did she descend the stairs, the only evidence of her crying the red that seemed to permanently stain her eyes. She ate dinner with a ravenous appetite and then retired with Ida and John to the front porch. The night air was still too cool but they pretended it wasn't. She lay with her head in Ida's lap letting the older woman softly stroke her hair as she sang about freedom.

Michaela couldn't help but think how ironic it was that Ida would sing about freedom. Of course it was a slave song but still the words touched her. In her mind, giving Sully his freedom would help her to find hers but it hadn't. She only then realized what a slave to everyone's expectations she had become. For most of her childhood she railed against Boston society and rules, only to find herself crumbling to her father and in some sense to woman's rights. And she wondered for the very first time if true freedom came not in a vote or being able to choose a career but in something more pure and true. What if real freedom came only in love?

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 14, 1859**

Weeds grew up high around the porch so that the steps weren't able to be seen but it didn't matter, Sully knew where they were. He stopped though and let his eyes roam over the structure before him. He hadn't been here since the previous November, two days before he left for Boston. Sully could still remember the excitement he felt knowing he could tell Michaela her house was making such wonderful process. The outside walls were all erected, it was mostly inside work now. Yet for months it sat abandoned and he couldn't even bring himself to come out here until now.

Actually he wasn't sure why he had come today, except that something drew him here as if wanting him to remember. He tried hard to keep his mind occupied most days, to stay numb to the pain that threatened to once again grip his heart. In a way it was working, it had worked anyway until two days ago. When Horace handed him the letter, Sully couldn't believe his eyes and for a moment he believed it was some stray piece of mail that had somehow gotten lost. Still unable to resist the contents, he opened and found it was only two weeks old. She wrote to him as a friend she said who couldn't stand not to know how he was doing and would he please write to her?

That one letter shook his world anew and today after lunch at Daniel and Sarah's he came here. Finally he approached the steps, cajoling his feet to move up the wooden stairway until he stood in front of the door. This would have been her door, he thought to himself before pushing it open. And this would have been her kitchen… and this would have been her sink… and this would have been her cabinets... The list went on until he lifted his head. The second floor was not yet completed and he could see into the wide expanses from where he stood. That, he thought, that would have been our bedroom.

He was ready to open his mouth and let out a heart wrenching scream simply because he believed it would make him feel better but something prevented him. A sound, almost like a knock. He turned his head to the door, cocking it to the side and listened. The sound came again and this time he was sure it was a knock. Moving stealthily through the room he stopped before the door and waited, still believing his imagination was getting the better of him.

"Sully?"

At the sound of his name, he yanked open the door and stood wide mouthed as he looked into large brown eyes. "Abigail? What are ya doin' here?"

"I saw you leave town and I followed you… I hope you don't mind." She turned on the charm as she spoke, lowering the corners of her mouth like she did when her father wouldn't give her what she wanted.

"This is private property – you're tresspassin'." His words were sharp, cutting her but she refused to give up.

She took a few steps backwards and moved to the side so she could lean against the rail of the porch. "It's beautiful here. I wonder why someone let this house go to ruin. It would be a lovely place to live. Do you know who's it is?"

"Abigail ya can't be here… ya ain't allowed to be here." This time his voice was low and menacing rather like the growl of a wolf. "Ya should leave now."

"Will you come with me?" she asked gently. "Walk me home? I'd enjoy the company."

Sully took a deep breath willing himself to calm down. Didn't she know? Couldn't she see that she was invading sacred ground? This was his future house when his future included Michaela, it was a sanctuary for him and she was messing that up. "I ain't good company today," he managed to mutter.

Abby smiled and gave a nod. "Perhaps another day then?"

Again, he had to take a calming breath. "No… Abigail I told ya before – I ain't free."

The words seared Abby's heart and she instantly screwed up her face. "But why not? Sarah told me that you broke up with that girl back east."

These were the wrong words to say, first because they were untrue – Sarah told her no such thing and second because they only served to further enrage Sully. "Go!" he said emphatically extending his arm and pointing back towards town.

"Sully, don't be angry. I only want to be your friend."

"If ya want to be my friend right now ya'll leave me the hell alone. Go!"

She gave an impatient stomp to let her displeasure be known. Abigail wasn't one to be ordered around and now Sully was making her angry. "You're a fool," she spat at him irritated that he didn't once glance at her dress or compliment her hair. It wasn't easy walking all the way out here in these shoes, she at least expected him to accompany her back to town. "A gentleman would make sure I returned safely to town." Her bottom lip came out in a pout but Sully was immune to her tantrum.

"A lady wouldn't have walked out here by herself," he retorted and turned quickly not wanting to mince words any longer. "Now go back to town while it's still light." With that he disappeared inside the structure quickly closing the door behind him.

Abby puffed up her cheeks and blew an angry breath. She wasn't used to people talking back to her like this, except for Hank. Turning quickly she gathered her skirt and descended the stairs finding herself knee deep in weeds once again. "I hate you!" she screamed out as she waded through the sea of unruly plants. It was a spur of the moment decision, one based on anger rather than her true intimate feelings. As she would tell him later, she could never hate him – he was the love of her life.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Mounting Flash, she dug her heels into the horse's sides and took off at breakneck speed out of town. She was supposed to be meeting Sully for a picnic lunch right now but the morning's busyness delayed her. This was the second time this week she was late to meet him somewhere and she feared he would take her lateness the wrong way. Things were so perfect recently that she didn't want anything to disturb the tranquility of their lives. They were eating together at the homestead today – the original one that Sully built for her in what seemed a lifetime ago. For the past few weeks, he had worked so hard to finish it in time for their wedding but there was so much to be done that they simply resigned themselves to being in the old homestead for a bit longer. Michaela offered to move the date of the wedding but Sully refused saying that he would marry her at that very moment if it was possible. Still Michaela knew that they would need privacy and wondered if they would come to regret this snap decision.

Rounding the bend, the house came into view and she brought Flash to a halt, awed by the structure in front of her once again. The fact that Sully lovingly built every bit of it never ceased to amaze her. A figure emerged from the door and she instantly recognized it as Sully, making her once again race forward. Sully met her as she approached a large smile on his face.

"Sorry," she hastily apologized. "It was a busy morning."

"Lots of sick people huh?"

"Sort of…. I had the feeling some were only there to see if they could find out more about the wedding." She shook her head as she spoke, blushing terribly. "I'm probably just paranoid."

"Nah – I'd say you're right on. We've givin' 'em somethin' to talk about for the next few months." He laughed as he spoke, reaching up his hands to lift her down.

Michaela moved quickly into his embrace as her feet hit the ground. "You're not mad?"

"Actually I'm kinda glad you were late. Gave me time to finish somethin'."

"To finish what?" she asked, her eye sparkling with excitement.

Sully smiled and lifted his eyebrows reveling in the secret a few minutes longer. He leaned down and kissed her lips gently. "Come on, I'll show ya."

Michaela eagerly grabbed for Flash's reigns tying her to the post in front of the house and then following Sully up the stairs. On the porch, Sully surprised her by lifting her up in his arms, one arm under the crook of her knees and the other firmly holding her back. "Sully," she squealed. "What are you doing?"

"Carryin' ya over the threshold," he replied as he maneuvered the door open, giving it a gentle kick with his foot. Michaela leaned in and kissed him once more before he stepped inside and planted her firmly on the floor. Her eyes roamed the rooms before her, admiring the work he had finished since the last time she was here.

"It looks done down here," she said happily taking his hand in her own. "Is it only the upstairs that remains?"

A secretive look fell on Sully's face. "Come on, I'll show ya." Michaela wasn't sure what to make of his expression but she followed him nonetheless. It was only as she stood in the hallway, all the bedroom doors open before her that she realized why he looked like he did. It was finished – all of it was finished.

"You're done?" she asked hardly able to believe it.

"I'm done," he confirmed pulling her down the hall. They passed the first open door and moved to the next one. "This will be Colleen's room."

Michaela peeked inside and smiled. "It's beautiful."

Yet Sully didn't allow her to go in but pulled her along. "This will be for Brian and Matthew." This time she didn't even get to comment before he pulled her forward once more. They passed another smaller bedroom before entering the one they had at first skipped. "And this is our bedroom," he announced not only stopping at the door but pulling her inside.

"Oh Sully," she murmured, feeling overwhelmed by the sight in front of her. "It's so beautiful." She walked immediately to the fireplace running her hand over the stone mantle. Quickly she crossed to the windows, struck dumb by the view that greeted her. "Beautiful," she whispered again. Sully came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head against hers. "That other room?" she asked. "Who is that for?" Inside she already knew the answer but she wanted to hear him say it.

A gentle laugh escaped his throat as he turned her in his arms. "That's for whoever might come along."

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 14, 1859**

The walk back to town did little to cool her off, physically or temperamentally. If anything Abigail was angrier than when she had left that god forsaken house out in the middle of nowhere. She cursed herself over and over for not riding out there because by the time she arrived back in town, the sun was slipping below the horizon as night settled. The streets were deserted essentially; the mercantile and barber shop locked up for the night but the saloon was going strong.

For some reason unknown to herself, she approached from the side drawn by the lights and gay music that echoed forth. Never had she set foot in the saloon and feeling as if she wanted to do everything she had ever been denied, she stepped up onto the porch and peered over the swinging doors. Girls scantily clad in bright colors danced with men who groped them unceremoniously while other men laughed and ogled. A card game was taking place in the middle of the chaos, Jake one of the participants. Shyly she swung open the door and stepped inside.

Hank was at the bar, pouring whiskey with a cigar hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He looked up as she entered and furrowed his brow wondering why in the world Abigail Bray would step foot in his saloon.

"Lookin' for a job?" he teased stepping up behind her.

Abby jumped and turned quickly, her face red with renewed anger. "No I'm not lookin' for a job!"

Hank sneered at her as he removed the cigar and blew smoke in her face making her cough. "Well Loren ain't here tonight so ya best get on home to your ma and pa."

"I'm not looking for my father either," she added, never backing down from his gaze.

With a deep laugh, Hank leaned against the wall considering her. "Ladies ain't allowed in the saloon – ya scare my customers away."

Lifting one hand she raised the small bag she was clutching. "I'm here for a whiskey and I got money which is more than most of your customers have."

Taking another long draw of his cigar, he considered her finally laughing at the situation before him. He knew that he should send her home but he was tired of taking lip off of this prissy little girl. If she wanted a whiskey, she was going to have one. Stepping back behind the bar, he waved her over. Abigail fished in the small bag and produced the coins, laying them on the bar as Hank filled two shot glasses with an amber colored liquid. He handed one to her with a wide grin and then clinked his own glass against hers. Without a word, he turned the glass up quickly draining the contents all the time keeping an eye on her.

Abigail followed his lead, swallowing as fast as she could. She slammed the glass down as she felt her stomach lurch at the burning liquid. Coughing and spluttering, she put her hand to her mouth wondering if she would be sick right then and there. When the contents stayed down, she pushed the glass back towards Hank. "Another one," she barked quickly laying out more coins for the barkeep.

Barely an hour later, a clearly inebriated Abby was leaning against Jake as he walked her back towards the Mercantile. "Ya can't take me home," she hiccupped. "They can't see me like this."

"What am I supposed to do with ya?"

Abby turned toward him, laying her hand against his cheek. "What do ya do with beautiful woman?"

Jake shifted her weight, annoyed that she was acting so silly. "Abby come on, stop playing around. I got to get ya to bed."

"That sounds lovely," she tried to whisper but it was rather loud. She pushed herself up against him and kissed him full on the lips. Jake pushed her away but then had to immediately catch her as she stumbled to find her balance. "What? Don't ya want me?" Her words were slurred together as she clung to Jake so that she wouldn't fall.

He knew what he should have done and perhaps if he himself had been completely sober he would have done the right thing. He didn't though. No one saw the couple slip into the barber shop. No one witnessed the hasty shedding of clothing that took place in an upstairs bedroom. In her drunkenness, she called out for Sully but Jake never noticed. It was over and done in a matter of moments, Abby quickly sobering to the reality of what had occurred. As she snuck home a short while later, she never noticed the one pair of eyes on the porch of the saloon, watching, endlessly watching.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!! More soon!!!_


	113. Chapter 113

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen**

**Fall 1859**

As September fell over Boston, Josef relaxed for the first time since he found out about Sully and Michaela's relationship. The break up in January had given him hope, temporarily easing his worries, but he knew that to keep them apart would require more. He couldn't sit around waiting for Sully to find the right words to sway her. Having Michaela away at school meant he couldn't monitor contact between the two of them which he knew could change things completely. At the beginning of the summer, Michaela was only a fraction of her former self, thin and pale, still hurting from the turmoil. Part of him felt terribly guilty for his role in that hurt but he truly believed that it was for the best. In the end, he saved her from a life of common drudgery. After all, she deserved so much more than that.

Disregarding the hospital internship that had previously been arranged, Josef knew that summer would need to be spectacular – something that would sweep her away. As much as she loved working at the hospital, he knew that wouldn't be enough. The opportunity presented itself so innocently that he almost bypassed it before he realized how instrumental it could be. The New York Infirmary for Indigent Women and Children, ran by one Elizabeth Blackwell turned out to be a diamond in the rough. Michaela was reluctant at first to spend the summer there but she soon changed her mind. The work was consuming and rewarding as she moved among the city's poor and neglected. She developed quite a following at the orphanages, the children taking an instant liking to her. Her arrival was often greeted by calls of Dr. Mike, Dr, Mike no matter how many times she told them she wasn't yet a doctor.

More than the work though was the joy and camaraderie she found among the Blackwell sisters and other women who worked at the hospital. They shared her passion for medicine and for people but even more so they understood the difficult decision of pursuing this path. For the first time she was able to share her story with someone besides Rebecca and feel as if others understood. It was exactly what she needed to help break the depression that seemed to be never ending.

When she returned to Boston briefly at the end of August, both Elizabeth and Josef were amazed at the woman who stood before them. The dark circles under her eyes were gone and her skin had a healthy glow. While still a little too thin, they both chocked it up to a hectic summer schedule that they hoped a more sedentary fall would change. Josef could not have been happier with the results. Truly he believed that the break up was permanent. Michaela now knew that she didn't need Sully to be happy or so Josef continued to believe.

Of course he didn't know about the flow of letters between Michaela and Sully. Michaela's first letter to Sully was greeted with silence but with Ida's prodding she had written again. Within a couple of weeks to her surprise, Sully wrote back. They both still ached inside desperately for the other but somehow this brief contact quelled it a bit. Michaela was serious when she asked to be Sully's friend and though Sully had a hard time imagining how it would work, he didn't want to lose contact with her either. While Michaela convinced herself they could be friends, Sully convinced himself it was better to have her as a friend than not to have her in his life at all. And so the letters were there contact. They weren't as frequent as when they were engaged but they were still often and sometimes quite long. Each were careful not to talk about feelings rather they packed the letters full of information about what was going on around them. It wasn't the details that were important though but rather the voice of the letter.

While everyone around them both believed that they were finally beginning to heal, neither Michaela nor Sully felt it. What they had done in essence was learn to live with the pain. It hadn't grown less as everyone kept telling them it would but it grew easier to bear. Michaela still woke at night, after particularly vivid dreams, her pillow soaked with tears. She read his old letters then to help her remember. During the day, she rarely allowed herself the luxury of thinking about him. Sully still visited their homestead. If he was angry, he might destroy something he had built but he always ended up fixing it again. Part of him wanted to simply burn it down but another part of him felt like holding on to it was the same as holding onto her. Michaela with her letters and Sully with his house – they learned to cope, to make it through.

Of course Sully was still hounded by Abigail Bray but he continued to put her off, figuring eventually she would get the message. Yet in some demented way, each contact only seemed to make her more determined. She rode out with her father to the mining camp when he had deliveries and accosted Sully whenever he set foot in town. Thankfully, she had not come out to the homestead again though twice now she showed up at Sarah and Daniel's when Sully was there visiting. Sarah had been the one to make sure that didn't happen again.

Thus fall found them in familiar places, Michaela at school and Sully in Colorado. Little had changed from the previous autumn as far as where they were. The letters still flowed back and forth. They still thought of each other often but there would no reunion, rather the year would end very differently than either could have imagined.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – October 28, 1859**

The curve of her body lying in the moonlight riveted his eyes to her making him tremble with memories of what had occurred between them once again. He laid his hand against her side softly stroking her cooling skin. "Abby are ya asleep?"

"No," she whispered. "I have to go home soon." She turned over as she spoke in order to see Jake, regretting once again what she had done. This was the fourth time they were intimate with one another and though it momentarily helped ease the ache of not having Sully, she knew deep down it was wrong. She always felt guilty afterwards because in her heart she believed that she was betraying Sully even if they weren't a couple yet. At the same time it was his fault. If he didn't make her so angry by saying such hateful things, by telling her time and time again to leave him alone. It was only then that she ran into Jake's waiting arms.

Jake, too, knew what was happening was wrong and he knew as well that there could be devastating effects. Usually when it happened Jake was drinking and not thinking straight but tonight he was perfectly sober. In a moment of clarity, he reached for her hand. "Abby?"

"Hmm."

"I love you," he whispered, surprised to find that he really meant it. "I want to marry ya." His words were met with complete silence as Abigail tried hard to formulate a response. "I'll be a good husband to you."

Abby sat up in the bed covering her breasts with the sheet. "I'm not marrying you," she said plainly, seeing no reason to lie to him.

"But ya have to … I mean what we're doin' – it ain't right."

Abigail laughed at him then, his words striking a chord inside of her. "Ya propose to all the whores at Hank's too?"

"That's their job Abby." Hurt stung him deeply as she laughed again. "I'm trying to make this right and I mean it… I love you." Standing, she moved through the room until she found her clothes and quickly slipped them on leaving Jake hanging as he waited for some sort of response. "Abigail?" he asked impatiently.

With her shirt half buttoned, she turned to look at him. "I can't marry you," she said simply.

"Why not? I'm sure your father would approve. I can provide a good life for ya."

"I don't love you Jake… not like that." She knew she was using Sully's line and for some reason finding immense satisfaction in it.

Jake's head was reeling. He couldn't understand why a woman of her stature would sleep with him unless she loved him. "But what we just did... I don't understand."

Fully dressed she stood before him now shaking her head. "I'm not trying to hurt you Jake." Another one of Sully's lines. "I'm not free though. I love someone else."

She had provoked him too far now and he stood, anger flaring inside. "Ya little whore.. who else ya sleeping with?"

Abigail wasn't foolish though and simply shook her head as she turned towards the door. "Bye Jake," she called waving over her shoulder unaware the he was following her. His hand closed around her wrist gripping her tightly. "Let go!" she screamed.

"You tell me who it is!"

She let out an impatient little sigh. "Let go of my wrist first." Jake did and Abby looked up at him impetuously for a moment. "Sully – he works for Daniel out at the mining camp."

"He ain't courting ya," Jake laughed. "He ain't interested in anyone. Hank says he ain't even interested in his girls when they go out to the camp."

"That's because he's honorable, unlike you." Abby smiled as she spoke, hoping that the words found their mark.

Jake wasn't stunned though. It was his turn to laugh now and he was taking full advantage of it. "If he's as honorable as you think than why is he going to want some little strumpet who sleeps with people she doesn't even love."

That did it for Abby as she raised her fists beating mercilessly against his chest. "Shut up!" she yelled, her temper getting the best of her. Jake didn't mind though. He had managed to wipe the smirk off her face and that was all he cared about. Seeing that he continued to leer at her, his eyes taunting, Abigail picked up her bag and ran from the room her thoughts only focused on Sully.

* * *

**Philadelphia - November 3, 1859**

Grey clouds gathered in the afternoon sky, making Michaela wary of walking back to the boarding house. Setting her stack of library books down on a nearby bench, she fished in her bag for some spare coins to hail a carriage but found she was short. Her only alternative was to try to beat the rain and so she quickly picked up the stack once again, only to drop the top two. As she bent down trying to balance the rest of them on her hip, a pair of hands beat her to it. She smiled as he handed the retrieved books to her. "Thank you," she whispered finally looking up into his face.

"Michaela? Michaela Quinn?" He was smiling widely at her, his excitement palpable.

"David Lewis?" Michaela's face did not reflect the same excitement but she tried to smile. "What are you doing in Philadelphia? I thought you went to school at Yale."

A deep throaty laugh escaped his mouth. "I graduated last spring. I've been in England doing an internship there."

"England?" David nodded. "Wow – that must have been exciting."

"Can I help?" he asked looking at the books in her arms.

"Oh well… I was on my way back to my boarding house. I'll be fine." Yet David wasn't listening, he had already turned to hail a carriage. Before Michaela had time to protest, she was being ushered into the covered vehicle. David stuck his head in to ask the address and once he had given it to the driver, he joined her.

"Isn't this much better?" David looked pleased with himself as he settled in beside her.

"Thank you David," she replied with a shake of her head. "I really could've managed." Just as the words escaped her mouth, the rain began to pour down.

"Should I ask the driver to stop so we can let you out?" he teased.

Michaela let out a soft sigh as she relented, thanking him once again. "I do appreciate this."

"Looks like you have quite a few books there. What's the paper on?"

"I'm trying to trace a history of women's medicine but there isn't much on the subject. It seems we've been fairly ignored." An indignant look came over her as she spoke. David nodded and motioned for her to continue. "I worked at the Women's Hospital in New York this summer."

It was David's turn to look impressed. "With Elizabeth Blackwell?"

"Yes. It was a very eye opening experience."

"I'm sure though I do imagine that you are suited for other places than the poor house and orphanage."

"The poor deserve proper medical attention as well as the rich," Michaela spoke up quickly, her ire rising as she regarded David.

"I agree," he said quickly, not wanting to see her angry but excited by the fire in her eyes at the same time. "But it doesn't change the fact that you are made for finer places. Perhaps you would indulge me by having dinner with me this evening?"

Michaela felt something inside freeze. Her first thought was of Sully and though she knew they were no longer together, she felt like accepting would be to betray him. "I can't." She turned her head down as she spoke, hiding the hurt in her eyes.

"Well I would invite you for another night but I return to Boston tomorrow. I am joining Dr. Cook's practice."

"Congratulations. That is wonderful."

David smiled never taking his eyes off her. "Thank you but it would be better if you would be in Boston as well." Michaela blushed but didn't respond. "When is the semester over?" he pressed.

Michaela inhaled sharply as she turned back to look at him. "I'll be home for Christmas." As she spoke the carriage slowed and Michaela relaxed a little knowing she would soon be away from him.

"I'll be waiting for Christmas then."

Michaela gave him a weak smile. "Thank you for the ride David."

"You're welcome." He moved past her quickly as the carriage rolled to a stop. Jumping out before her, he reached in for her books and motioned for her to stay put. Michaela ignored him though, following him through the rain to the porch of the boarding house. David turned to see her there and laughed. "I would have helped."

"I won't melt," Michaela protested, already tired of David's coddling.

"So I see." With that he reached for her hand, raising it to his lips to place a kiss on the knuckles. "Good day, Michaela. I'll be counting the days until December."

"David," she managed weakly as he turned to go. She bit her bottom lip as she collected her books from the porch swing, regretting that she ever climbed into the carriage with him.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - December 2, 1859**

Only one person saw her ride out of town. The hour was so early that Hank had yet to go to bed. He stood just inside the swinging doors of the saloon watching Abby pass by and wondering exactly what she was up to. For the past month and a half, Jake was out of sorts and Hank suspected it had much to do with Abigail Bray. Hank might have known she rode out but he wouldn't miss her when she didn't return by mid-morning as planned. Her parents probably wouldn't either. A note was left for her mother and father but they would have no clue when she had left and would not realize that she was in need of help. No one would know.

No one would hear her scream as the man stepped from the bushes. The area was deserted, a light fog lying over the ground. She was far away from town and not yet close enough to the mining camp. The ear piercing yells fell silent when a large hand came down over her mouth. His whispered threat against her ear to remain quiet and the feel of the knife blade against her skin bought her silence. She still whimpered from the pain but she didn't scream again.

No one would come to rescue her. She hadn't told anyone where she was going, just that she was going. No one knew where to look, to find her. Her horse was long gone – taken by the attacker. The brown chestnut mare who she begged for until Loren relented was no longer hers. There were no injuries to prevent her from walking but she simply knew she couldn't and so she lay there, waiting.

Everything was quiet now, too quiet. The early morning fog only added to the feel that she was living a nightmare. She closed her eyes repeatedly, praying that when she opened them she would find she was safe in her bed. Why had she come? Gone was the girl who left town that morning determined to win Sully over. She was so desperate to see him then, willing to do anything. Now he would never want her. In her mind, the times she was intimate with Jake were as if they never happened. Today… today was the day she lost her innocence. No, he wouldn't want her now… no man would want her now.

Dirty. That was how she felt … so dirty as if she would never be clean again. It was her fault for being out here by herself. Her father constantly reprimanded her for going off alone but she never listened. And now his worst fears had come true. How could she ever face him again? How could she face anyone again? They would all know that she was dirty… that it was her fault.

The heavy fall of a boot crunching into the frozen ground startled her. Her body was shaking. Cold… so cold. She had never felt this cold before. A twig snapped. Someone was getting closer. Quickly she sat up wrapping her arms around her body, looking down for the first time since the attack. The first thing she noticed was her fingernails. Each caked with dried blood from where she had tried to fight him off. She shivered as the memory came rushing back. His hot rancid breath and his rough hands – they had been all over her. Holding her down, pushing her body into the cold ground. Bruises were already forming on her wrists and she could taste warm blood in her mouth where he had slapped her. Then she heard the sound of footsteps again. She tried to stand but her legs – what was wrong with her? Was he coming back? Fear gripped her heart. What did it matter? Despair overtook her and at that instant she wished he had killed her. She lost the desire to run and instead laid back down on the ground curling up into a little ball. The footsteps stopped just in front of her. Her eyes were closed tightly and she wished she could just disappear into the earth.

A gentle hand touched her arm. "Oh my god," he gasped. But before she had a chance to respond or even open her eyes, she felt a coat being laid over her body and two strong arms picking her up. "You're safe now," whispered his soothing voice. Abigail wrapped her arms around his neck holding on for dear life. She kept her eyes closed as Sully carried her the distance back to town. Not once did she open them afraid that she would see disgust in his eyes. Yet she clung to him, feeling safe in his embrace wishing that he would never set her down again.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - January 5, 1860**

Sarah lifted John out of the bath and laid him in the towel wrapping his chubby little body in the fluffy folds. "Hey sweet boy," she cooed leaning over him to place a kiss to his belly. Sully and Daniel entered the kitchen at that moment, both smiling at the scene before them. "He's all clean."

Sully held his arms out and took John from his mother. "I'm going to miss this little guy."

"Sully you should come with us to Nevada," Sarah began ignoring the look from Daniel. There was no response from Sully though, just a brief smile as he kissed the top of John's damp head. She gave an impatient shake of her head. "Daniel's been moping for days about leavin' here. I tell you I don't understand what has so endeared this place to both of you." As she spoke, she took John from Sully's arms in order to diaper and dress him.

Daniel laughed at his wife's words. "I tried to tell her that this place gets in your blood."

Sarah sighed loudly from across the room. "Nonsense, I say."

"It's true," Sully spoke up. "I don't know that the land would let me leave it."

"I sometimes feel as if my husband has a mistress."

Sully smiled and looked back at Daniel who has chuckling once again. "Your husband's only mistress is the mine, not the land."

"Well either way it better let Daniel go," she said rolling her eyes. Picking up the baby, she walked back towards the men. "Oh Sully please come with us."

A cloud descended upon his face as she pressed the issue. "Abigail Bray is pregnant," he whispered suddenly looking up to see the bewildered expression on both Daniel and Sarah's face.

"Pregnant? Dear God, that poor girl…" Sarah raised her hand to her mouth to cover her shock.

Daniel was already one step ahead of Sarah though, reading the look in Sully's eyes perfectly. "You're going to marry her, aren't ya?" Twisting his mouth to the side, Sully gave a shrug of his shoulders as his only response.

Sarah gasped at the notion. "Oh Sully but what about Michaela?"

The name echoed through the room, the only sound the popping of the fire. "Michaela?" Sully laughed but it was a cold and mirthless sound. "What about her?"

Seeing the look on his face, Sarah decided it best not to say more. Inside she truly believed that Michaela would come to her senses. If Sully would go east, she was sure she could be swayed. Yet they had been down his road before, it was senseless to continue in this vein so she changed her direction. "Sully you don't have to save Abigail – it's not your fault what happened to her."

"You're right, it's not my fault but what good does it do to walk away and leave her as she is. What about the child?" He turned now and looked at Daniel. "The baby deserves a family."

Daniel nodded. It was the one feeling that resonated throughout the room. Each of them missed having a family in one way or another and while Daniel and Sarah made one together, Sully was still all alone. "Are you ready for this?"

Sully looked up once again his eyes meeting Daniel's head on. "I ain't ever gonna be ready." His eyes filled with tears as he spoke. "I don't even think I know how to feel anymore." Reaching out his hand, he rubbed John's back with his fingertips. "When I look at him… that's the only time I feel something. I been over this again and again in my mind. How the two of ya feel 'bout the way you were born? How do ya feel about your father Sarah?"

Across the room, John cooed but his mother was staring wide eyed at Sully unable to argue with his words. She hung her head, puffing her cheeks out as he asked, obviously bothered by the question. Daniel moved over and wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder, leaning in to kiss the side of her head.

"And Daniel ya never knew your father….. and I barely knew mine. You're holdin' John in front of you and I know that ya feel like everyone is judging him cause he's mixed race but his whole life he's gonna know that he was conceived out of love… he's gonna know that the two of you love him. But Abby's baby… what does she tell him? How does she explain that he's only here cause of a rape? What's she gonna say when he asks who his Pa is." He grew quiet now, wrapping his arms around himself and rocking gently back and forth.

A single tear trickled down Sarah's cheek and she pulled John against her tighter as she leaned into Daniel. "Sully?" she whispered, afraid of the look in his eye.

He looked up at them seeing the three of them standing together and knowing this was his one chance to have the same thing. "That baby deserves better… and I'm gonna give 'im better."

* * *

**Colorado Springs - 1866**

"Michaela," he whispered softly against her ear. "Are you asleep?"

"No," she laughed turning slightly in his arms. The sweat still glistened on their bare bodies as they lay together wrapped in the other's embrace. "I think I'm too excited to sleep."

"I feel the same way." He reached down to stroke her abdomen, running his fingertips over the place where their baby was growing. "I can't wait 'til ya start showin'."

"Oh you can't wait for me to get fat?" she teased laying her chin against his chest so she could look deep into his eyes. There was something there that she couldn't identify and it worried her for a moment. "Are you alright?"

"I was just thinking…" He hesitated knowing he could tell her anything but feeling as if this might be something better left unsaid.

Michaela knew without him saying though, reading him perfectly. "About Abigail?"

Sully nodded slightly. "I never had the desire to touch and be close to her but when she was pregnant… I wanted to touch her belly all the time. I loved to feel the baby kick." He looked at his wife to make sure he wasn't upsetting her and found only love and understanding in her eyes. "I kept watching you tonight… they way you laid your hand here and stroked it."

"I can't stop thinking about the baby," she admitted with a wry smile.

"Abby wasn't like that… I don't think I ever saw her do that." He grew pensive for a moment. "I don't think she loved that baby."

"She probably didn't," Michaela whispered. "That baby wasn't conceived out of love… not like ours."

Sully leaned in and kissed his wife, her words perfectly echoing his heart. He slid down in the bed as they broke apart, making Michaela wonder what he was up to. His head came to rest against her lower abdomen, his hair tickling her skin. "We love you little one," he whispered. "I'm gonna be your pa and I want ya to know how bad I want ya… how much I love ya. Don't ever forget that…you were wanted and loved before ya were even here." Michaela felt him tense against her and laid her hand against his head as he turned to look back up. "I love you," he said a little louder, his eyes focused on Michaela's. There were tears in his eyes now, tears of happiness and Michaela couldn't help but wipe at them.

"Come here," she whispered reaching for him and he moved up laying his head against her chest. "Shh," she soothed as his body trembled against hers. "Don't think about the past." Sully couldn't help comparing it though, relieved to finally have found his way back to Michaela. He clung to her, burying his face against her as he kissed her skin again and again.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - January 20, 1860**

Loren stood in the door of the mercantile staring blankly into the street. He took a staggering breath, clenching his fists at his side as his mind once again flew to Abby's attacker. His baby girl… her innocence gone forever and there was nothing he could do. It had been well over a month since the attack. Physically her wounds were healed but emotionally she was dead. They took her to Denver to be examined by a real doctor hoping that he would be able to find something wrong with her but even that had turned out worse than expected. She was pregnant.

Swallowing hard, Loren turned his head to the side rapidly blinking away the tears that were forming in his eyes. His eyes settled on Sully who was approaching from the telegraph office. It wasn't surprising to see him here, he stopped by routinely ever since the attack. Last week when Maude explained that Abigail was in the family way, Sully had left so abruptly with a pained look on his face that neither were sure what to make of it. Yet here he was making his usual stop or so Loren thought.

"Mr. Bray," he greeted the older gentleman as he stopped on the porch.

"Mornin' Sully. She isn't seein' people but you can try."

Sully nodded but didn't move. "I was wonderin' if I could speak to you… in private."

This last part caught Loren's attention and he looked up in surprise. "Sure, Sully… ah… just let me get Maude to watch the store." In another moment, the two were outside walking to the back of the mercantile. Sully didn't speak until they were safely out of hearing range.

"Mr. Bray, I've come here today to ask your permission to marry your daughter."

The look on Loren's face was one of complete surprise. "Ya want to marry Abigail?"

Sully nodded and swallowed hard, praying that the old man didn't make him say the words again. "But Maude told you… you know about …"

"I know about the baby. That's why I'm offering."

A smile began to spread over Loren's face, the light at the end of the tunnel suddenly shining brightly. He reached for the young man's hand. "Son, you have my permission and my blessing. Maude and I will help the two of you in anyway we can."

"Thank you," Sully whispered his throat dry, his mind reeling with his actions. "We should tell Abby."

"I'll let you my boy. I'll let you." With that he slapped Sully hard on the back, leading him back towards the store. "Then we'll go over to the saloon and have a drink. I want everyone to know you're going to be my future son in law."

* * *

_I know I'm evil… Thanks for still reading!!!_


	114. Chapter 114

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen**

**Colorado Springs – February 2, 1860**

Sully imagined how it would happen many times before he told Loren and then Abby his plans. The ceremony would be quick and private. They would live in Sarah and Daniel's old place until he could build them one of their own. With the rape and pregnancy, Sully was sure that Abigail would want to keep things low key and that suited him as well. He didn't feel like celebrating – he wasn't happy. Yet he was at peace with his decision. He was not considering his own future or Abigail's but only the life that grew inside of her.

The proposal was not romantic or even memorable. Abigail was propped up in her bed while Sully stood awkwardly at the end. He fumbled with his words obviously struggling with what he wanted to say. It wasn't exactly a question, he wasn't on one knee. "I'm willin' to marry ya," he whispered, his eyes cast down. "If ya want."

The change in Abigail was automatic. The girl who moped endlessly, staring dejectedly out the window suddenly came alive, believing that everything could be set right now. Her night was over and the sun shone brightly as a new day dawned for her. While Sully thought to keep things simple and private, Abigail was determined to have the big dream wedding she had always imagined. Two weeks after the initial engagement, Sully sat at the Bray's kitchen table across from Abigail who chattered on about the wedding plans.

Sully was there in body only and his eyes roamed the room trying to find some sort of distraction. "Sully, are you listening?"

"Hmm." He turned absentmindedly to look at her, his eyes settling on the place where her shirt gaped slightly. "Abby are ya showin' already?"

Reaching down she hastily pulled the gaping fabric to. "A little." She wrinkled her nose up as she spoke, worried that Sully thought she was fat. "Ma said it's only cause I'm so thin." Sully didn't know much about such matters and so he simply nodded. "So what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About the meadow for the ceremony," she answered impatiently.

"Ain't gonna be very warm until April or May. Probably should just have it inside."

"Silly we aren't getting married until after the baby comes. That's what I was telling you. I finally convinced Pa this morning."

"After?" Sully's eyes were wide.

Abigail nodded eagerly. "That'll give ya plenty of time to build our house on the land that Pa said he would give us."

Sully's face wrinkled, realizing he had missed more than he thought. "Land?" he asked weakly.

As she leaned over to casually swipe at his arm, she smiled widely. "You haven't been listening to a thing I've said all night, have you?"

"Sorry," he muttered. "I've been thinking about work. With Daniel gone now everything's on me."

"It's alright," she said sweetly, reaching for his hand and grasping it in her own. "But you will build me a house, won't you?"

Sully shook his head wondering why she would want to wait. "Abby don't ya think that for the baby… and for ya that we should go ahead and get married. We can just do something simple and quiet. We can live at Daniel and Sarah's old place and if ya want I'll build something new for when the baby comes."

Immediately the bottom lip came out and the eyes grew large as they filled with tears. Since childhood it was her patented method of getting her way. "If you want," she said passively.

"I just thought ya'd want to get married 'fore it was so obvious." He motioned towards her abdomen as he spoke.

Abigail swallowed hard as she considered what he was saying. It wasn't a fake display anymore, she was truly upset as the tears began to fall. Snatching her hand away from Sully's she stood and walked to the sink so that she didn't have to look at him. "Everyone knows anyway… what does it matter? They all know it isn't your child."

Unsure what to do, Sully rose from his chair and stood awkwardly behind her. If it was Michaela he would pull her against him, letting his body soothe her in ways words couldn't. There was no desire to hold Abigail though the way he used to hold Michaela and there had been very limited physical contact between them until now anyway. Slowly, as if it pained him, he lifted a hand and laid it on her shoulder. "Abby I'm gonna love this baby. Ya know that, don't ya? I want to give you and the baby a good life. What happened ain't his fault and it ain't yours either."

Abigail leaned back against him, guilt washing over her. This wasn't the first time she'd considered that the baby wasn't from the attack. Sully pressed a brief kiss to the side of her head but went no further. "If ya want to wait to get married, that's fine."

Sniffling, she nodded. "Thank you," she whispered desperately. Before Sully had a chance to move or say a word, she turned towards him and wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing her cheek to his chest. "I love you… I always have… even when I don't act like it."

Stiffly, Sully patted her back, wondering if things would always feel so contrived. He couldn't bring himself to repeat the words back to her so he tried instead to switch topics. "So what do ya think- April or May?"

She stepped back and looked at him, realizing he still didn't understand. "Please Sully can't we wait until after the baby is born?"

"Abby?!" He knew he shouldn't yell but he couldn't help it, his anger overflowed the dam he built to contain it. "Ya gotta start thinkin' about the baby and not about yourself. Ya really wanna explain why we got married after he was born?"

Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered, "Please don't be angry."

Sully let out a deep sigh feeling frustrated but stopped short of saying anything else. She was impossible and for the first of many times, he wondered why he had ever decided to do this. "I'm not angry… I just …" He sighed loudly. "I'm gonna go outside for a minute." With that he quietly slipped past her and out the back door into the Colorado night.

Standing at the back of the mercantile, he looked up at all the stars wondering if Michaela might be doing the same. This was futile, he thought to himself, futile. Here he was an engaged man and still his thoughts were filled with her. Was it cruel to marry someone you didn't love? Marriages were made of less, he knew that from Boston.

The creak of the backdoor caused him to turn around and he looked up to see Loren watching him intently. "Sully?"

"Mr. Bray."

"Oh, please call me Loren," he said walking to where the young man stood. "Abigail's all upset." He shook his head apologetically.

"I know," Sully whispered kicking at stones on the ground. "I told her I thought we should get married right away 'fore the baby comes."

Loren took a deep breath and crossed his arms. "I told her the same. She didn't want to hear it from me either." They stood in silence for a moment each trying to think of how to continue. Finally Loren spoke up, glancing over at Sully. "She tell ya about the property?"

"Yeah."

"I'll pay for all the supplies and even hire ya some men to help ya. We're real grateful what you're doin' for her. Ain't many men who'd have anything to do with her in her condition….ya must really love her." Sully pressed his lips tight together to keep from railing against this assertion. "I'll try to talk to her again about the weddin'," he offered. "Maybe we can convince her to have it earlier."

"I don't think it'll do any good," Sully whispered as he and Loren shared a look of understanding.

"Probably not," Loren replied with a touch of regret in his voice. He knew that Abby's behavior had much to do with how they raised her.

Sully let out a long breath and then offered his hand to Loren. "I'm gonna go on home. Will ya tell Abby good-bye for me?"

"Sure," Loren replied shaking his hand. He watched for a moment as Sully slipped away into the darkness not wanting to reenter the house just yet. Abby needed to understand that this was a good man doing something most men wouldn't. Inside Loren knew it was his own fault but he hoped that this whole experience would change her for the better. Sully was right, she needed to start thinking about that baby and stop thinking about herself.

* * *

**Philadelphia – February 28, 1860**

There was nothing to indicate it wasn't one of his regular letters. Or perhaps she missed the signs: the smudged ink where he cried as he folded it, the unsteady hand that shook as he addressed the envelope. Yet Michaela barely noticed, excited as usual to receive word from him. She tucked it into the front pocket of her apron and left it there until after dinner wanting the time to savor each line. She reread it twice just to make sure she read it correctly the first time. For a moment she felt nothing and then red hot anger boiled up deep inside, even though she knew she had no right to be angry. It was barely a year later and he was engaged. How could he fall in love with someone else so quickly? Did that mean that he hadn't really loved her?

Balling up the letter, she threw it as hard as she could at the wall, grateful that she no longer shared a room with anyone. She stood and marched angrily across to it and gave it a hard kick as if by injuring the paper she could hurt Sully. A deep burning sensation tore across her chest and she realized for the very first time how truly real this was. Again she felt a burst of anger, this time taking out her rage on the pillow. Hot tears filled her eyes and soon her punches dissolved into sobs.

It had never occurred to her that this would happen although it should have. She assumed that he would be like her, staying single – the two of them remaining friends. Would his marriage mean no more letters? Would his marriage mean no more friendship? If it did, it was her fault – she was the one who sent him away who didn't think their love was enough to hold them together. She couldn't force him to remain single, after all he was a man. Her mother had told her over and over that men had needs, physical needs. She couldn't expect him to remain celibate, never having those needs fulfilled. It was only then that it occurred to her that she would never know his intimate touch… and she realized how much she missed their physical closeness.

To feel his arms around her, holding her close as his heart beat against her cheek. His hands wandering down her back and sometimes to places that they shouldn't, these were the things she missed. The burning fire she felt inside that started around her middle and spread upward, that she would never know again. And his kisses… she missed those most of all – the feel of his warm lips pressed against hers or his tongue darting in and out of her mouth in a teasing manner. He was the only one she'd every kissed like that, the only one she wanted to kiss like that. Just imagining Sully with another woman like this cut her to the quick.

She threw herself across the bed laying like that for most of the night. For awhile the tears flowed painfully down until once again she felt as if she could cry no more. Darkness fell deep upon the room but she liked the darkness because it hid her sorrow. Praying that sleep would overtake her, she climbed underneath the blanket only to be wakened a short time later by nightmares of falling with no one to catch her. Sometime around three she rose and crossed the room to light the small oil lamp on her desk top. In a controlled manner, she sat down and pulled out a piece of paper scrawling out a quick copy of the letter that was forming in her mind. She had to congratulate him to acknowledge that she knew. The first copy wasn't right… she sounded bitter. Slowly the balled up pieces of stationary grew but she knew now what she needed to write, if only she could make herself do it.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - March 20, 1860**

Holding the letter to her nose, she breathed in deeply hoping that she would perceive some scent that would give away the gender of the author. There was none. Disappointed she looked once again at the cursive sloping letters once again, certain that it was from her. Curiosity like that of a child gripped her tightly refusing to release her from its depths. Her fingers ached to slip under the flap and tear at even the corner hoping for some small piece of information. She was tired of battling with the invisible presence of this other woman, who was always between them. She was the far off look in Sully's eye, the frown that pulled at the corners of his mouth and the one he longed for when she tried to physically get close to him.

Abigail wasn't blind – she clearly saw it. Yet where most girls would be upset, it only made Abby more determined and sometimes even angry. Horace gave her the letter to take to him when he learned she was riding out to see the progress on the homestead. Why would a woman write to an engaged man? What kind of woman was this who would act so scandalously?

When she arrived at the homestead, she jumped quickly out of the wagon and marched up to the small structure that was coming on quite nicely. "Sully?" she called a slight edge to her voice.

He appeared from around the side, wiping the sweat off his brow. "Abby," he said with a note of surprise. "Ya here by yourself?"

"The store was quite busy this afternoon and I wanted to see the house… and you." Sully shook his head and took a long drink out of his canteen. "I'm not scared. I can't live my life being scared."

"No but I could've come… brought ya out here myself. They still ain't caught… " He stopped, seeing the look on her face.

"Oh I am so tired of everyone treating me like I might break." She flipped her hair over her shoulder as she spoke, raising her head up in the air letting out an impatient snort. Sully squatted down, knowing it was pointless to say more. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled the letter out giving it a cursory glance. "Horace sent this for ya."

Sully took her from her hand, frowning when he saw her eyes following it. He recognized the writing right away and tucked it into his pants not wanting to have to discuss it with Abigail. "Thanks," he muttered.

Abigail puffed out her cheeks and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet as she crossed her arms above her extended abdomen. "Are you ever going to tell me about your family back east?"

The tone of her voice made Sully bristle but he knew the question was fair. He couldn't expect to share a life with this woman and keep her at such a distance forever. "Ain't much to tell. My pa died 'fore I can really remember and my ma…" Pausing for a moment, he teetered on exactly what to tell her. "She drowned in the Hudson. After that I went to live with a family in Boston."

"They adopted you?" Abby interjected her eyes focused on him intently.

Sully laughed coldly. "No," he replied with a shake of his head. "I stayed with them for awhile and then I came west with Daniel." He looked over at Abby, hoping he'd quenched her curiosity for now but he had no idea how ravenous she was for more.

Realizing that he wasn't going to give anything away without her directly asking, she decided to be bold. "What about the girl that wrote you that letter? Who is she?"

Sully's brow wrinkled as a frown spread over his face. He wanted to ask her how she knew but he decided there was no reason to try and deny it. She would have to know about Michaela eventually. "It's from Michaela."

"Is that the girl you used to go east to see?" Sully nodded, his head turned away from her now.

Abby waited for him to say something, to give her more information, her anger growing inside of her. Unable to hold out, she clenched her fists. "What is she to you?" she suddenly asked. Sully looked back at her, unable to read the look on her face – was it anger or sadness.

"She's my friend," he simply replied.

"Just your friend?"

"My best friend." The words slipped out without him thinking about the consequences.

"I thought I was that," she whispered dropping her eyes to the floor.

Sully wanted to point out to her the silliness of that statement but now his own anger was getting the best of him. "What do you want me to say? That I'll never write her again, that I'll never see her again?"

Abigail barely heard him though, her own mind whirling with questions. "Is she pretty?"

An incredulous look came over him. "Does it matter?" he replied.

"Please just tell me."

Sully knew this would smart but she was asking for it and he wasn't going to lie when she clearly wanted to hear him say the words. "Yes, she is beautiful," he said throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

Narrowing her eyes, she considered that for a moment before asking a more important question. "Do you love her?"

He stood now, clearly agitated as he paced to and fro in front of her. "I don't know how to answer that."

Taking a parental tone, she planted her feet firmly on the ground "Yes or no, will do."

"But it ain't that simple." He stopped and met her gaze. Again he could see she wasn't going to back down. "Yeah, I love her but it don't matter now –least not in the way you think."

"Just be honest with me, Sully. That's all I want – that's all I ever wanted." She moved closer to him as she said this but Sully turned away.

"I've always tried to be honest with you but you keep believin' your goin' to change me. 'Sides I'm here with you, isn't that what is important?"

She didn't answer him with words. Instead she went to him and pressed herself into his arms. She knew he was here with her but she wanted to be inside his heart as well.

He pulled her close closing his eyes and burying his head in her hair but there was a hollow feeling as his heart remembered how safe he had once felt in someone else's arms. Abigail turned her face up towards his, noting that this was the first time he had held her so tenderly. A single tear trickled down his cheek and she lifted her hand to wipe it away. "She can't hurt you anymore," she whispered soothingly. "I won't let her." Her anger against Sully faded completely but a new anger burned inside of her against the ghost woman she had never met.

* * *

Later that night, under a full moon Sully stood on the porch of the homestead he built for Michaela wondering what would become of it. He couldn't keep coming here and reliving his dreams of the two of them together. It wasn't fair to Abby and it wasn't fair to himself any longer. With one hand, he held onto the porch rail while the other one grasped the letter from earlier.

He looked down at it, staring at it as if it would reveal its contents without actually being opened. Her hand writing neatly graced the front; his name spelled out in her perfect penmanship. He hadn't been sure Michaela would answer his letter. Actually, he had hoped she wouldn't. They had agreed that it was best that they not see each other but neither had been able to stop contact completely – would they be able to now?

Taking a deep breath, he turned the envelope over and ripped it open. It was one page which was very unlike Michaela. Most of her letters were small books. He unfolded the paper and began to read.

_Sully,_

_I have just received your letter today about your engagement. Let me be among one of the first to offer my congratulations. I know how much you have wanted to start your own family and now that dream is coming true. I am very happy for you and wish you and Abigail only the best._

_I don't know how appropriate it would be for me as a single woman to continue to write to a married man. Perhaps we should give up our correspondence as it seems you have moved on withy our life. Yet I don't really want to, as I have always valued your friendship. Please talk this over with Abigail and let me know if she objects to us corresponding. _

_Things are well here. Graduation is only two months away and then I will officially be a doctor. Please know that even though I am finally realizing my dream, I still miss you terribly and wish things had turned out differently. I wish that your love had been enough for me and I am sorry that it wasn't. _

_Michaela_

The words were oddly formal and stilted. Sully knew she had probably written the letter over and over editing out her true feelings. Yet her true feelings showed through in parts of the letter. When he had read that she still wished to write him, his heart had skipped a beat. And then she had said she missed him- she missed him terribly. This had brought a huge smile to his face. If she only knew how much he missed her. Then he had read the last line of the letter. It cut him to the quick, just like it had a year ago when she had pressed the ring into his hand. Nothing mattered anymore… there was no future there and he had simply to focus on making the best of the one he would have with Abigail.

* * *

**Philadelphia – May 18, 1860**

In the parlor of the boarding house amidst the lace curtains and green velvet covered furniture, Michaela stood with her father as he bid her good evening. Elizabeth hadn't made it to dinner with them, going to bed early with one of her infamous headaches which usually meant she was upset. Michaela knew that it was her mother's subtle way of saying she disapproved of her daughter's choice to be a doctor.

Josef's face grew serious as he prepared to say good night. All through dinner he contemplated telling her about Sully's engagement but the time never seemed quite right. Besides he didn't want a public display if the announcement upset her. "Michaela there's something I need to tell you."

She turned to look at her father full in the face, wondering what weighed on his mind. "What is it?" she asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

"I received a letter the other day… well an invitation I suppose. Sully is getting married in August. His fiancé wrote me so that we could begin to make plans."

"Oh," Michaela replied nonchalantly, her eyes running over the pattern of the rug beneath her feet.

Josef cleared his throat, delicately breaking the rest of the news to her. "His fiancé is… uh… with child."

Michaela's heard flew up, her eyes wild. "Pregnant?"

"I'm sorry. I know this is hard on you."

As if she hadn't even heard him, she continued on, too stunned to comment on this additional piece of information. "Will you attend?"

Josef nodded. "I'm planning on it. I thought someone from our family should be there." Michaela nodded looking out the window into the ever deepening twilight. Josef watch her for a moment, worried about how pale she appeared suddenly. "Are you upset?"

"No, of course not," she lied glad that at least the marriage wasn't a surprise to her. "I'm happy for him. He deserves to be happy." This last sentence she meant with all her heart but she never realized that his happiness could make her so miserable.

Josef smiled widely deciding to take her words at face value. "Oh Mike, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I know this has been a hard year for you."

"It has but I think the right decisions have been made." Her face was stoic, unrelenting in her desire to not show weakness.

"I am so proud of you... of everything you've accomplished. I can't wait to begin working with you. Who knows perhaps you will open your own hospital for women and children in Boston one day."

"Anything's possible," she agreed trying hard to smile when she felt like crying.

Josef reached into his pocket and withdrew a small box, handing it to her. "I was saving this for tomorrow but I've decided you should wear it for your graduation."

"Thank you," she said politely as she took the box from him. Uncertain fingers fumbled with the box until she found the latch. Her eyes fell on the ring and she froze. It was beautiful, a sapphire and diamond together shining out of a gold setting.

"Do you not like it?" Josef asked worried by the look on her face.

Michaela glanced up quickly and smiled. "Oh, no …. It's beautiful." She purposefully slipped it onto her right hand and thrust her finger out unceremoniously towards her father. "Thank you very much." Her eyes met her father's and she felt confused. Was he trying to make her feel better, replacing the ring she gave back? Was this supposed to be some sort of consolation prize?

Josef was smiling widely. "I suppose I should say good night. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yes," she said weakly, her resolve quickly fading. "Good night."

"Good night," Josef said again as he walked to the door. With one final glance at Michaela, he gave a small wave and disappeared into the evening, leaving his daughter alone with the ring as a reminder of the one she gave back and the knowledge that Sully would have the family he always wanted.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

Sully emerged from the alcove, his gaze settling instantly on Michaela. "Is he asleep?  
she asked unable to contain her smile.

"Fell asleep right in the middle of the story."

Michaela caught her bottom lip between her teeth, her heart suddenly beating faster as Sully came closer. "I made us some coffee. Do you want to sit outside for a bit?"

"It's cold… ya sure ya should be outside?"

"Sully, I told you I'm quite recovered. I'll bundle up warm." She moved over towards the door taking her blue shawl off the hook and wrapping it around her shoulders. Sully grabbed the afghan off the back of the rocking chair, throwing it over one arm as he picked up the two mugs of hot steaming liquid.

Within moments, they were settled together on the front steps, the blanket tucked neatly around them. Sully set down his coffee and wrapped one arm around Michaela's shoulders. "Ya warm enough?"

"This is better," she whispered settling deeper into his embrace.

"Good." His breath stirred her hair as he spoke. "I got something for ya." She looked up expectantly as he shifted to reach his pocket.

Michaela instantly recognized the box, her mouth opening in surprise. "Sully?"

"I wanted to make it official," he said taking his arm from around her and moving so that he was kneeling one step lower than her. Sensing the importance of the moment, he took his time wanting to savor each sensation that was running through him. He looked up at Michaela, her eyes reflecting nothing but love. With that he opened the box and held it out to her. "Will you marry me?"

Michaela couldn't speak but not because she didn't want to answer. Her mouth opened but nothing came out, her voice choked at the surprise of seeing her ring once again. Sully grew slightly nervous at her hesitance. She had already said yes when he asked her after she recovered from the grippe… had she changed her mind? "Will ya?" he whispered again.

"Yes," she said relieving the look of torture on his face. "I'm sorry… I just … I never expected to see this again. I thought perhaps…" She stopped talking unsure what she was even trying to say. Sully was already moving on, lifting the ring out of the velvet lining and taking her hand in his. The gold band slipped over her knuckle with ease until it was safely back where it had always belonged. Michaela smiled widely as Sully's fingers closed over her own. Somehow she knew she had finally found her way home.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – June 10, 1860**

The morning hadn't gone as planned and Abby wasn't happy about it. Slamming dishes around in the sink, she took out her anger on inanimate objects when she much preferred to be yelling at Sully. Of course, once again Sully was nowhere to be found. Recently, he took to disappearing especially when Abigail was aggravated about something and she had yet to figure out exactly where he went. Gone were the days when she could simply run off to Jake drowning her fury in some passionate encounter. He wanted nothing to do with her since the rape, unable to even bring himself to look her in the eye. Maybe he knew or suspected, she thought to herself as she glanced down at her extended abdomen. Even Charlotte noted that she was larger than expected making Abby fear that she really was carrying Jake's baby.

Abigail never understood how much Sully loved the baby, though it was probably more that she chose not to see it. In her own warped mind, she honestly thought that if she wasn't pregnant with someone else's child things between her and Sully would be better. He was so moody and sullen at times, unable to be consoled. Abby tried everything she could think of to snap him out of it but it was almost as if he enjoyed being miserable. She should have known when he showed up that morning, flopping the letter in his hand that he was in such a mood.

Yet when she glimpsed his face at the backdoor, her only thoughts were of the previous afternoon out at the homestead. Abigail brought him a picnic lunch, fussing over him as he ate. The baby was moving around making it uncomfortable for her and Sully asked if he could feel. The way his face lit up as she pressed his hand to her belly made her smile. And then for the very first time he kissed her. It was brief and gentle but Abby knew in her heart it was the first of many.

It was in a moment of fury that she wrote the letter in the first place, addressing it to the Beacon Hill address she found on an old envelope among Sully's things. She hadn't even been sure it was the family he'd lived with or how Michaela was connected to them but at the moment she hadn't cared. Reasoning that they must know each other somehow, a letter to them would certainly get the news to her. She wasn't sure if Sully told them about their engagement but she wanted her to know… to stop writing to him… to leave them alone. Abby never considered the consequences of her actions, never stopped to think that Sully might not want them to know. Yet he made that plainly clear this morning, yelling at her for going through his things and for writing without his permission. She tried to pass it off as an act of good will, insisting that she wanted to surprise him with their presence at the wedding but Sully didn't care. Then as quickly as he came, he was gone and Abby knew it was possible that she wouldn't see him for days.

Glancing down at her bulging waistline, she let out a scream of fury as she busted one of the plates in the sink before her. A stream of red ran into the soapy dishwater and Abby simply watched it, not feeling the pain of the deep cut in the least. In a way it was soothing and comforting, an outlet for the emotional pain that still haunted her deep inside. The anger left and the guilt she sometimes felt over her actions with Jake dissipated completely.

The scream didn't go unnoticed though and within moments Maude stood in the kitchen doorway concerned about her daughter's well being. "Abigail?"

She turned her head towards her mother, a strange detached look in her eyes. "Oh… ma… I cut myself." As she spoke, Abigail raised her hand sending Maude scrambling for a towel.

"Good Lord Abby, how on earth did ya do that? It's deep." Maude wrapped a dish towel around it applying pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding.

"I dropped a plate," she replied still acting unconcerned as she watched the bright red spread across the fibers of the cloth.

"Where's Sully? I thought he was here."

Abby looked up at her and shook her head. In the same calm voice, she explained, "He's mad at me… I wrote his family about our engagement and he didn't want me to."

"Oh Abby," Maude exclaimed shaking her head. "Ya can't do things like that. Your father has spoiled ya rotten but a husband ain't gonna be like that. When are you goin' to understand that ya can't always have your way?"

Abigail didn't hear her though as she continued to watch the red on the towel. New plans were forming in her mind, plans she had never considered before. Things would be different now; she knew how to make things different.

* * *

_Thank you for reading! _


	115. Chapter 115

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Fifteen**

**Colorado Springs – June 10, 1860**

On the walk to the Mercantile, Charlotte told Loren there was probably nothing to worry about. Women experienced contractions sometimes to get ready for the birth. Yet she couldn't quell her own uneasiness about the situation. Even after she arrived and began to access the situation, something was bothering her as if she already knew what she was going to encounter. She asked Abby over and over the last time she'd felt the baby move but the young woman couldn't remember. Maude sensed Charlotte's fear as she nervously looking between her daughter and the mid-wife.

"Where's the pain? What does it feel like?" she asked trying to speak calmly as she opened her bag.

Grabbing onto the sides of her abdomen, Abby ran her hands back and forth as she tried to explain. "Sharp squeezing pains here and here and some in my back as well. Are they contractions?"

"Could just be false labor," Charlotte muttered taking up position on the end of the bed. "I'm gonna need to examine you. When did the pains start?"

"After she got back from the telegraph office right before lunch," Maude answered before Abigail could reply.

Charlotte noticed the bandaged area on her arm and looked up questioningly. "What happened?"

"I cut myself washing the dishes." Abby squeezed her eyes shut as another contraction hit her. "It hurts," she cried out gripping tightly to her mother's proffered hand.

"Breathe through it," Charlotte coached her. Abby scrunched her face up tighter and held her breath almost as if in direct opposition to what Charlotte was telling her to do. "Abby, breathe through it!" the midwife spoke sharply.

Eventually the pain passed and she lay back on the pillow, her hair surrounding the white of her face like a halo. Charlotte eased up her dress exposing her blossoming belly and gasped. A series of fading bruises could be seen on the left side and on the right side was a bright reddish purple welt that appeared fresh. Recovering the abdomen, she positioned the young woman's knees so that she could examine her. As if it had been waiting just for that moment, a burst of fluid issued forth and Charlotte knew.

"I'm wet," Abby exclaimed. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Charlotte whispered sadly. "Your water just broke."

Maude's eyes grew large as the truth of the matter set in. "Does that mean I'm having the baby?" Abby asked, looking rather frantically from face to face.

Mother and midwife exchanged a quick look before Maude turned back to her daughter. Wiping her hair out of her face, she whispered tenderly, "You're losing the baby, darling."

A burst of excitement rose up in Abby's chest and her eyes grew wide. "Losing the baby?" she asked trying to confirm that she understood what they were telling her.

"It's too early. The baby won't be able to breathe on its own, even if we manage to deliver it alive." She diverted her eyes as she spoke, sensing in her gut that the baby was already gone. "Maude, would you go down and put on some water? I have some herbs I want to brew- it will calm Abby down – help somewhat with the pain."

Maude nodded and took the pouch Charlotte offered to her. "Brew it up into a tea," she instructed watching the older woman leave the room. Once she was safely out of sight with the door shut behind her, Charlotte moved up beside Abigail. "Abby I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me, alright?"

The glassy eyes came alive, scared of what Charlotte might say. She nodded her head weakly and held her breath as she waited.

"There are some bruises on your stomach. Do you know how they got there?"

"I fell last week," she said nonchalantly giving a shake of her head as if brushing it away.

Charlotte cleared her throat preparing to ask the next question as delicately as she could. "Abby does Sully ever hit you?"

"No!" she exclaimed her face going red now. "He's never laid a hand on me." She swallowed hard and turned her face to the side thinking how true that last statement was. While it was true he would never physically hurt her out of anger, he also rarely touched her except to stroke her stomach or feel the baby kicking occasionally.

Not knowing Sully very well, Charlotte couldn't be sure if Abby was covering for him or not. He always appeared to be gentle and had even held Brian for her one day when she was in the Mercantile but she had known men who had no qualms about hitting a woman even if she was pregnant. Abby had a reputation for being mouthy and she could imagine that sending a man over the edge. Yet there was also the distinct possibility that the wounds were self inflicted. After all, Abigail was raped and Charlotte imagined it must be hard carrying another man's child than the one you were engaged to. There was no point in probing and she decided to let the matter rest.

The afternoon passed slowly, the contractions becoming harder and more frequent. Abigail was asking for Sully, sure that he would forgive her for writing his family now that this was happening. Inside she felt strangely exhilarated, glad that she was losing this child. It was, in her mind, the last thing standing between her and Sully. The plans and thoughts from early were cast casually to the side; Abby hoping that this would be enough to win Sully once and for all. When labor became intense she grew agitated, hating the thing growing inside her more than ever for putting her through this. She continued to remind herself that it would soon be all over and then she could get on with her wedding and the rest of her life. Someday she would carry Sully's babies and this one would be only an unpleasant memory.

Charlotte wasn't prepared for the delivery. She knew that Abigail was big for only being a little over six months along but no one suspected that she could have conceived a child before the rape. Maude stayed close to Abby's face, wiping her brow down with cool water and whispering encouraging words. When the little girl emerged, Charlotte was left stunned and speechless by the sight. The cord was wrapped around her small neck but it wasn't tight enough that Charlotte could be sure that was the cause of death. There was no movement, no scream but she was perfect. She couldn't resist cradling the baby in her arms; her warm body giving the illusion of life. Charlotte moved away from mother and daughter, wrapping the child in a white cloth unable to look away.

Turning towards the bed, she noticed two sets of eyes fixed on her. "Abigail, do you want to hold her… to see her? Sometimes it helps." Charlotte knew the girl's answer already but she asked anyway giving Abby the benefit of the doubt.

"No," she whispered throwing one arm over her eyes as if merely seeing the small bundle was too much for her. She covered the still infant with a sheet and returned to deliver the afterbirth. She could see no good reason to say something about the age of the baby or to even make an issue out of the bruises on her abdomen. It was now clear to Charlotte that they were self inflicted but she began to wonder if Abby was raped at all. Each detail was safely tucked away in her mind though, as if she knew that someday it would be important.

* * *

The sun had long ago set when Sully finally made his way back to town. He was still upset at Abigail's decision to write to Josef but he felt bad for upsetting her. Worrying that their arguments could affect the baby, he had promised himself to avoid fighting with her anymore. Slowly, he ambled up to the back of the mercantile, knocking once on the door before he let himself in. He expected to see Abby right off and was surprised to see Charlotte seated at the table with Maude, their heads together. It was his first indication that something was wrong.

"Sully," Maude said, her eyes growing wide as she greeted him.

"Where's Abigail?" he asked rather formally, his eyes darting around the kitchen as he tried to place the uneasiness in his stomach. He started to walk toward the door leading to the hall but Maude stopped him.

"Sully, there's something I have to tell you before you see her."

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the two ladies once more. He could see traces of red in Maude's eyes and knew she'd been crying. "What's wrong?" he asked trying to believe it was simply another one of Abby's moods. He already felt guilty for the things he said to her even if she deserved every spoken word.

"She lost the baby this morning mercifully."

Sully scowled his mind trying to process what Maude said. Mercifully – what did she mean? He cocked his head to the side, his eyes wide.

"Come sit down." Charlotte rose as she spoke, registering the shock on Sully's face. Sully didn't budge, his mind still trying to put everything together. "Come on and sit 'fore ya fall down."

Finally, he moved into the chair, resting his head between his hands. "How did this happen?"

Maude reached out a hand and laid it across his shoulder. "She went into labor early. Weren't anything we could do. It was too early… she couldn't make it."

"She?" Sully looked up expectantly, his eyes flying from Charlotte to Maude and back again.

Charlotte spoke quietly. "It was a little girl."

"Where is she? Can I see her?"

Maude gripped him tightly. "You don't want that son. I know you were committed to raising the child as your own but it's for the best. Now ya won't have that hanging over the start of you marriage. There'll be children, lots of children. Your children."

Sully wanted to hit Maude or at least shake her but he knew she didn't understand, didn't get it. This was his child as far as he was concerned. He loved that little girl unconditionally and he wanted her even if Abigail didn't. For one moment, he had a brief glimpse of what their life would have been like. Abby would always be jealous of her daughter, the one that Sully fawned over like the golden child. Sully never understood until that moment how detached the whole family was from that child, everyone except him. Ignoring what they said, he asked again. "Where is she? I want to see her."

"They've already buried her."

"Buried?"

"But you said it just happened this afternoon."

"It was for the best to take care of it quickly," Maude assured him. "Do you want to see Abby?"

"I…" he hesitated knowing how it would look if he asked for his daughter once again. "Yes," he whispered knowing he should check on her, make sure she was alright. "I just need a minute," he added.

"I'll tell her you're here," Maude said rising and leaving Charlotte and him alone.

Charlotte reached for his hand. "They buried her in the graveyard if ya want to go afterwards," she whispered seeing the anguish on Sully's face. He nodded, a million thoughts flashing through his own mind.

"Why did this happen?"

Her brow furrowed and Sully felt his stomach drop inside of him. He didn't need for her to say – he already knew. "These things just happen," she whispered. "I lost a baby myself."

"We fought," he said to no one in particular. "She was upset…" His voice trailed off.

"Sully this wasn't your fault." He never acknowledged that he heard her as Maude re-entered the room.

"Sully, she wants to see you."

He rose stoically, his eyes fixed on the door. With each step his feet felt heavier, guilt weighing him down more than ever. The lights were low in her bedroom as he closed the door behind him, moving quietly to the bed. Abby's eyes were closed but she opened them as he neared. "Sully?" she whispered.

Swiping at a stray tear, Sully kneeled down. "I'm so sorry," he managed to mutter not even sure what he was apologizing for. For the past months, he focused only on the child that she was carrying and now the rug was pulled out from under him once again. He wanted to run, to be alone but he knew he needed to be with Abby now. "Do you need anything?"

"Just you," she whispered, meaning the words with all her heart. She cried then, tears pouring down her cheeks but not for the child she'd lost. It had never been a child to her, not her child anyway and she doubted that she could ever see it that way. Whether it was Jake's baby or the man who had raped her was immaterial. It wasn't Sully's and she didn't want it. Her tears were partly relief that she wouldn't have to face life with this child and partly joy that Sully was at her bedside.

Of course Sully knew none of this and though he had never thought her particularly excited about the pregnancy, he truly believed she was upset that she had lost the child. Staring out the window, he longed for the freedom of the outdoors as Abby's voice broke the stillness in the room.

"Will you sit with me for a bit?" she asked meekly.

Sully nodded ignoring the urge to run. "Charlotte said it was a little girl."

She nodded, turning her head to the side because she didn't want to discuss the subject anymore. Sully quieted; afraid he was upsetting her worse. Instead he took her hand in his and simply held it assuring her of his presence.

Less than an hour later, he found himself out in the starless night walking across the bridge towards the church with its small graveyard. He didn't understand Abigail's silence, used to Michaela's way of leaning on him during grief. In his own way, he needed an outlet for his emotions. With Abigail, he felt the need to be strong but now that he was alone that façade dropped. The fresh dirt in one corner caught his attention and he dropped down in front of the small unmarked area.

Sully wasn't sure why he had come but he felt the need to say something now that he was here. "I was going to be your pa," he whispered reaching out to touch the dirt. "I wanted to name you Hannah. Hannah Sully," he whispered closing his eyes. "I already loved you."

Silence settled over the meadow, a gentle breeze blowing against his back. He looked up, feeling lost once again and unsure what to do about it. At that moment, he questioned every decision he had made since leaving Michaela in Boston. Feeling lost wasn't something new to him; he had felt it many times but he always believed he could overcome it. Salvation always seemed to be in the form of a person – first Michaela and then Hannah. Perhaps that was his mistake all along though. Thoughts of breaking off the engagement crossed his mind but he knew that would devastate Abigail. One thing was true… she loved him. Could he love her back? Enough to make a marriage work? It was hard for him to answer because he knew it would never be the way it was with Michaela. Others might live a companionable existence with their spouses but to know there was more and not be able to have it would be hard.

Yet what would he do if he didn't marry Abigail? Move to Nevada? Stay here? A brief flash of Maryland fell before his eyes and he wished that he could be on the boat cutting through the water in the sailboat. He wished he had John's council right now. Or perhaps he only wished for that young girl who he fell in love with on the grassy banks of the river a whole lifetime ago.

* * *

**Boston – June 10, 1860**

_The stars dotted the sky in a million tiny flecks of light as Michaela swirled around and around on the wooden dance floor. The river sang its sweet melody, as the fiddle played a festive tune in time with the croaking of the frogs on the riverbank. A pale yellow moon illuminated the front lawn, the house large and imposing in the background. Lanterns surrounded the area, emitting a faint glow as lightening bugs dotted the trees with a greenish hue. There was laughter and singing that continued on even when the music ended. Her hair sailed out behind her, cascading down her back in thick curls. White flowers decorated the front of her hair. A sea of smiling faces greeted her in every direction she turned. Everyone was here – Anna, John and Ida, Rebecca and Robert, Marjorie… She turned again and saw Emily waving at her enthusiastically. Then in an instant, rice was falling from the sky. She ducked her head against Sully's shoulder, breathing in the aromas of the night. Early June honeysuckle mixed with the river's saltiness, filled her nostrils leaving her dizzy. _

_The warmth faded in a moment's time, the rice turning to rain. She raised her head as Sully slipped away from her. She called after him but he didn't return. Frantically she looked around, noticing that everyone was gone. The lights were all out. One lone form kneeled on the ground, thirty feet away in front of a mound of freshly dug dirt. She couldn't make out his face but she didn't need to. The curve of his neck and fall of hair were too familiar. He was weeping softly, repeating one name over and over again. At first she could not hear it but then the wind changed direction carrying the sound to her ears. "Hannah… Hannah… Hannah…"_

Michaela bolted up in bed wrapping her arms tightly around her body. Her teeth chattered with cold despite the fact that it was a warm night. Raising a hand to her cheek, she felt the dampness there and sighed softly. A strange grief encompassed her and she rose from her bed trying to shake the feeling.

Drawing close to the window, she laid her head against the pane of glass enjoying the smoothness. The moon hung low in the sky casting shadows on the backyard. The pale light pulled at her senses and Michaela closed her eyes forcing her self to try and remember what had so recently played in her mind. Out of her confusion, vestiges of the dream came back to her, slowly at first but each piece led to another until she remembered in full.

Graduation was three weeks ago. For most of her life, she'd looked forward to that day for two reasons; she would finally be a doctor and she would be married to Sully. It was only of late that her mind became conscious of the fact that this would have been the time of their wedding. Even tonight they might be lying in each other's arms, under the same full moon as they whispered words of love to one another. Instead she was poised to start at the hospital, working alongside her father. There was an excitement about finally being a doctor but it felt empty not being able to share it with the one person in the world she felt supported her completely.

The last scene of the dream played before her once more but she couldn't make sense of it. She had never known a Hannah… Sully never knew a Hannah either as far as she knew. Perhaps that was his fiancé's name but why was he kneeling in front of that mound of dirt. Again and again she tried to wrap her mind around it but could make no sense of the images. Finally she gave up accepting the unsettling grief that clung to her. Trudging back to her bed, she carried it with her as a companion, knowing it was pointless to try and shake it.

In two months, he would be married to someone else. This was the day they were headed for ever since she bid him good-bye on the platform of the train station. For a moment she wondered what her life might have been like if she'd never met Sully. What if her mother insisted she go shopping instead of letting her go with her father to the hospital? What if Josef had never taken him in? Numerous questions surfaced but she swallowed them all, knowing there were no real answers. She would never know what her life would be without him because he was so integral to it. Hurt, deep like a river, once again filled her chest. But one questioned burned deep inside – Would she rather know love and the hurt that went with it or never have known it at all?

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1866**

The couple stood off to the side, alone for one brief moment. Sully's hand was looped around her waist, her back pressed against his chest as he rested his head against hers. "I dreamed this," she spoke breathlessly.

"About our weddin'?"

Michaela closed her eyes and let out a soft laugh. "Maybe I didn't dream this but I dreamed this feeling. Happiness… joy… love." Sully breathed in deeply feeling exactly the same. Lowering his head, he placed a lingering kiss to her neck. "Sully!" she exclaimed squirming against him.

"What? We are married remember."

"Everyone's watching." Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as she saw her sisters looking over at her. Sully couldn't help but smile at his blushing bride as he removed his arm from around her waist. Michaela grabbed for his hand. "Where are you going?"

"Not sure what's allowed," he teased. "I didn't want to embarrass you."

"I suppose you can take the girl out of Boston…. but it's much harder to take Boston out of the girl."

Sully laughed. "We're gonna take care of that though." He grabbed her about the waist and hoisted her up in the air spinning her around in dizzying circles.

"Put me down," she shrieked unaware that every eye was on her now. After two more rotations, Sully pulled her flat against him letting her body slide against his as he lowered her to the ground. Her hands went around his neck, her sole focus being on Sully now. Invitingly she looked up at him and Sully closed the distance with a soft kiss. Murmurs and sighs of happiness could be heard surrounding them and only then did Michaela realize that she was the main attraction. Turning in his arms, she smiled out at the sea of faces before her. Yes this was her dream she thought- friends and family surrounding her, clapping – glad that she and Sully were finally both where they belonged.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – July 31, 1860**

Sully wasn't sure how he made it through the next few months. He worked non-stop on the house and at the mine, keeping busy to chase away the grief. Abigail often complained about it but she couldn't argue when he pointed out that she wanted them to have their own house. Of course it wasn't the house she'd imagined but Sully said it would do for now. Later on they could add on, expand as their family grew.

Abby changed somewhat after the loss of the baby. Though she still demanded her way and sometimes pouted, she tired hard to curb those actions around Sully. This was partly due to her mother, who lectured her constantly on how to be a good wife. Yet she also came to realize that Sully was genuinely sad that she'd lost the baby. Abby knew she should feel guilty but she rationalized the guilt away, telling herself that the child was never meant to be. It also endeared Sully to her because she came to respect his feelings for the little girl she'd carried only a short while before. If he loved a child who was not his own like that, he would be a wonderful father.

At the same time, there were moments of sullenness. Normally they occurred after the few arguments they did have and while Sully sought solitude in the woods, Abigail refused to leave her bed. The last occurred three weeks before the wedding and had to do over where they would spend their honeymoon. Having lost the baby, she'd been able to drop her pregnancy weight which meant that she would wear the dress of her dreams. That was always the plan in her mind; Abigail more worried about how she looked rather than if her baby was born in the confines of marriage. Loren offered to pay for them to visit San Francisco, knowing his daughter wanted it all, but Sully was not pleased. He had planned to take two days off for the wedding and then go right back to work at the mine.

Eventually Abby conceded when Sully agreed that he would go to Denver for four days instead. The rest of the battles were only with her father who thought that she was making too much of a fuss over the wedding. Loren shelled out a substantial sum of money for the ceremony and reception, not to mention the furniture, dishes and linens Abigail ordered for the new house. Yet he gritted his teeth and bore it, knowing soon his little girl would no longer be his responsibility, though he did wonder if Sully would be quite as accommodating as he was.

The house was done by the end of July and Abigail was so excited that she made Sully promise that they could start moving stuff in. Little by little, Abby packed up her possessions and had her father load them onto the wagon along with many of the new things she'd purchased. She was looking forward to a day of cleaning and organizing. Sully promised he would help her and she was glad to spend the time alone with him as well. Once the unpleasantness of the baby was over, Maude reverted to treating her as if she was an innocent girl who needed to be chaperoned and so the chance to be out of her mother's sight thrilled her beyond words.

Once at the homestead, Sully unloaded the wagon quickly so that Loren could get back to town. He placed the crates inside, stacking them on one side of the big room. Abby started unpacking them immediately, stopping every so often to admire the cabinets in the kitchen or the shelves near the back door, reminding herself that this was hers. They worked side by side for most of the morning; taking breaks every now and then.

Abby felt giddy with the excitement of it all, as she stopped once more looking over at her future husband. "Sully, can you believe it? Only two more weeks and this will be our house," Abigail said a wide smile on her face. Sully looked over at her and laughed as she turned circles in front of the stove.

"I'm glad to see ya so happy," Sully returned as he continued setting up the bed.

"I am happy, Sully. And you're the one who makes me happy," she explained kneeling down beside him on the floor. "I know you've been worried about me but really I feel much better now."

"Good," Sully replied noncommittally never looking up from his work.

Abigail returned to the crates she was unpacking. The next crate was Sully's and she opened it curious to see what it might hold. He didn't have many belongings and the few he did always had a story behind them. Right on top was a rolled up piece of drawing paper that had yellowed with age. Carefully, she unrolled it smiling at what she saw.

"Sully, this is beautiful. Where did you get it?" she asked holding it up so that he could see the picture.

Sully drew a sharp breath and tried to keep his face neutral as he took in the faded picture. The river and moon stared out at him, once again mocking him.

"I don't know," he lied. "That stuffs from Boston. Ya don't have to unpack it. Ain't much in there I probably want."

"But I like looking through your stuff. It's like I get to learn all about ya," replied Abigail her eyes twinkling. "Can we get this picture framed and hang it in our house? I think this river looks really pretty with the moon shining down on it."

Sully was suddenly angry. "No!" he shouted at her. "Stop going through my stuff!" Abigail backed away slowly, hurt showing on her face. Sully felt horrible for yelling but he knew that in that box were just more painful memories. He rose and went to her. "I'm sorry, Abby. It's just I don't wanna remember Boston and that whole box is Boston stuff."

"It's okay," Abigail said reassuringly. "I don't wanna remind you of bad things.'

"Thanks," Sully said reaching over to lightly squeeze her arm before returning to work. Abigail put the lid back on the crate and set it carefully to the side. There must be something in there that Sully didn't want her to see. The curiosity was building in her and she knew that later when Sully left, she would have to go through the crate.

* * *

**Boston – August 1, 1860**

Michaela bustled down the hall of the hospital towards the children's ward, the one place the other doctor's didn't seem to mind her working. Just as in the orphanages in New York she was popular with the children and it was the one place she felt true happiness again. Standing just outside of the swinging door, she shifted the charts in her hand to the other arm as she peeked through the small glass window into the ward. A doctor stood on the other side with his back to her making Michaela frown. She liked being left alone to practice medicine among those the other doctors deemed unworthy and the sight of someone in her ward made her nervous.

Throwing open the door, she entered quickly a sea of voices calling out "Dr. Mike." Briefly taking her eyes off the doctor, she smiled at the children calling them each by name as she walked along. Yet her attention was not distracted and she soon stood behind the doctor clearing her throat. "Excuse me."

The man turned his eyes breaking into a wild smile. "Michaela – they said I could find you here."

A pang of annoyance shot through Michaela. "David, what are you doing here?"

A smile turned up the corners of his mouth. "Waiting for you," he laughed. "Sometimes I feel as if you are avoiding me," he joked, "and so I decided to come down here check on you myself."

"That's kind but unnecessary," she replied shortly.

"I know you aren't interested in being courted. I promise I'm only here as a friend." Again his smile and look made her cringe inside. "I see you're quite popular among our smaller patients."

Her cheeks turned pink at his words but she nodded nonetheless. "I enjoy them as much as they enjoy me and now I really must get back to work." She moved past him setting the charts that she was carrying down, hoping he would heed her and simply leave.

Seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere with her, he quickly came to the point of his visit. "My family is hosting a garden party in two weeks and I wanted to invite you." He held his breath hopefully waiting for her answer and knowing that he could just as easily incur her upset.

"I can't," she whispered, her face taking on a blank expression.

"Michaela I promise the invitation is extended only from one friend to another."

"David, it's not that. I leave for Colorado in a week."

"Colorado?"

She nodded. "Do you remember Sully?"

A light of recognition came to his eyes. "Your brother?"

Michaela swallowed hard and decided not to answer his question. "He's getting married there and I'm attending for my family. Father can't go because of some health problems but he thinks someone should be there."

"Perhaps another time?" David asked his eyes searching hers.

"Perhaps," she whispered wishing once again that he would simply leave. "I really must get back to my work."

David gave a brief nod and walked towards the door. He couldn't help looking back at her briefly, wondering why she suddenly looked so forlorn. With a frustrated sigh, he turned and left the ward wishing he could crack her hard exterior and be allowed inside.

Michaela was aware of his eyes upon her, making her feel more and more uncomfortable. Or perhaps it was simply the reminder of her agreement to go to Colorado that made her so uncomfortable. Josef asked her only two nights ago after experiencing a series of chest pains. Why she agreed still was beyond her, knowing that this would be the hardest thing she'd ever done. Her father asked if she was strong enough, ready to face him again. Not wanting to seem weak or transparent in front of her father, she lied and said she would be fine. Yet now that she had to actually live that lie, she wasn't sure she would be able to. Still the chance to see him again was appealing and somewhere between that desire and obligation to her father, she found the resolve to once again deny her feelings and move stoically forward, never imagining how Josef engineered the entire thing.

* * *

**Colorado Springs **

All night the box from Boston consumed Abigail's thoughts as her curiosity refused to be sated. She tossed and turned in her sleep, dreaming of what she would discover inside. Through church the next morning, she sat restlessly silently admonishing the reverend for speaking so long when she was anxious to go back out to the homestead. In a moment of sheer boldness, she disappeared after church not even telling her mother and father where she was headed.

When she arrived at the homestead and found Sully's wagon was already there, a mild disappointment set in. Of course, he would never suspect what she was after. There were more crates to be unpacked and he would simply assume that was her aim. So as not to startle him, she knocked lightly on the door before opening it, unprepared for the scene before her.

On the bed assembled only the night before, Sully lay sleeping. His shirt was off and Abby felt herself stir at the sight of him. Wondering why he'd slept here instead of at Daniel's old place, she sat down on the edge of the bed. With one hand she reached our for him, unable to resist touching the taut muscles of his stomach. "Sully?" she whispered in order to rouse him.

A smile filled his features as he covered the hand on his stomach with his own. "Good morning," he whispered sweetly, his mind still lost in a dream. Slowly one eye blinked open and then the other, his face contorting strangely as he pulled away from her. "Abby?" he asked clearly disoriented as he fumbled for his shirt. "What are ya doin' here so early?"

"Silly, it's already after church," she laughed. "I came to finish unpacking but I didn't know you were here. Not that I mind."

By now Sully was back in his shirt, glad that he hadn't spoken Michaela's name or anything that would make her suspicious. "You were supposed to wait until I came with the wagon to load up the rest of the furniture."

Abigail sighed. "I know but I was too excited to wait."

"Ya tell your father you were comin'?" The look on her face told him she hadn't. "Abby, ya can't go runnin' off like that. Ya've got to tell people what you're doin'."

Lowering her eyes repentantly, she took his speech as another lecture she had to endure. At the end, she raised her eyes to look at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered batting her eyelashes. "Don't be angry."

"I ain't angry," he assured her. "But we best get into town and tell your folks where ya are 'fore they worry.."

"Couldn't you just tell them? I wanted to stay here and work. It seems silly for us both to go."

It was stupid to argue over something so minor so Sully nodded in consent but remained annoyed by the situation. Quickly he hitched up the horses and set off for town, telling Abby to keep the door locked when he wasn't there. Abigail found herself alone for the first time in the new homestead. For some odd reason she now felt guilty about her plan to look through his things. The guilt was enough to keep her inside for the present as she tried to make an honest go at unpacking more boxes. Unfortunately, her mind refused to focus on the task at hand. Last night Sully took the box with his things from Boston out to the barn to store it. The way he had warned her away from it still stuck in her mind and she couldn't shake the thought that something of great interest was in that box.

Trying hard to get her mind off of the box's contents, she chose to unpack the dishes that her mother and father had given her. They were a wedding present and she loved the little blue flowers that were etched around the edge of the plates. Soon she had emptied the box putting them each in their place. As she stood to get the next box, something in the corner caught her eye. There stood Sully's Boston box. He had taken it out to the barn the night before. She was sure of that. Why had he brought it back in? Had he been looking through it?

She could no longer contain her curiosity and she made her way over to the box. Removing the lid she studied how things were laid inside knowing she would need to put things back the way she found them. Her hand closed over a bundle of letters and she pulled the first one from under the string. The date on it was three years ago. Quickly Abigail opened it hastily looking out the window to make sure she was alone. The words were faded but the handwriting was beautiful. It was from Michaela. She started to read it but found it was painful to hear words of love pouring forth from another woman to her husband to be so she hastily replaced it in the stack.

Going back to the box she looked down at two small boxes that lay side by side. Picking up one she opened it. Inside laid a key on a red ribbon. The ribbon had seen better days. It was tattered and dirty but she could imagine that one time it had been shiny and new. Yet why would anyone tie a ribbon on a key? And what was the key to? She dumped the key into her hand and studied it but it was truly an ordinary skeleton key. Returning it to the box, she replaced the lid and sat it back in its place.

Now her hand closed over the other box wondering what strange thing she might find inside. Slowly she opened it and gasped at what she saw. Anxiously she bit her bottom lip as a slow smile spread across her face.

Taking the ring between her thumb and forefinger, she held it up intrigued by its beauty. She thought to slip it on her finger but decided against it. The first time she wore it would be when Sully gave it to her, pushing it on her finger with his own strong hands. For her it was the confirmation she sought that he truly was in love with her. Soon this would be on her finger and then a gold band to tell the world that she was Mrs. Byron Sully. This must have been why he didn't want her snooping around in his stuff. Quickly she replaced the items in the box, reminding herself to be patient.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 12, 1860**

The town came into view as the stage coach moved steadily on. Michaela steeled herself, wondering if she could really do this. Tears threatened to fall for the millionth time that day. Why had she come? Was she insane? She could not go through with this. She could just stay on the coach and return to Denver. No... no it was too late. She didn't have a choice.

Sully stood in front of the mercantile waiting for the stage to arrive. It had been a surprise when Josef wrote to say he would be coming for the wedding. At first Sully was angry, not wanting his past to mingle with his present but he then changed his attitude. For months he blamed Josef along with Michaela but perhaps he had everything all wrong. After all, Josef was just beginning to truly warm to the idea of the two of them together when Michaela called it off. In a way, he was almost glad that the only pa he had ever really known wanted to share this day with him. When he saw the coach come into view he yelled for Abigail who was still inside with her mother. "Abby, the stage coach's here."

"I'll be out in a minute," Abigail called back.

The coach was slowing now. The slower it went the faster Michaela's heart beat. "He is my brother. He is my brother," she repeated over and over in her head. The coach came to a stop. Michaela's heart felt as if it would pound right out of her chest.

Sully was anxious to see Josef. He stepped closer as the door to the stage opened. An elderly woman was the first one to disembark. Sully offered her his hand as she slowly descended from the coach. As his eyes glimpsed the next passenger, his heart caught in his throat. He raised his free hand and wiped at his eyes, afraid they were deceiving them. He let go of the elderly woman's hand not even hearing her thanking him. Looking again at the stage door he saw her long hair sparkling shades of red in the sun. His eyes found hers and he felt frozen in time.

"Sully?" Michaela spoke somewhat nervously.

"Michaela?" Sully replied the same quiver in his voice. "Where's Josef?"

"He is sick, Sully. Another mild heart attack. He really wanted to come but the doctor's advised against it. He asked me to come for him. He wanted someone from your family to be here." His eyes were exactly like she remembered them. She felt lost in the blueness. Cautiously, she stepped closer. "Sully, I… I couldn't refuse him," she whispered as if ashamed of her actions.

"It's okay. I understand," he said unwilling to look away from her. "It's good to see ya. I never thought.." he hesitated resisting the urge to pull Michaela into his arms.

"You'd see me again,' Michaela finished his sentence for him. Michaela knew because it was what she had thought as well. Sully couldn't resist any longer. Michaela was like a magnet drawing him in and he had to touch her; be close to her even for a second. He forgot he was in front of the mercantile with Abigail just inside. Quickly, he moved in close and placed his arms around her. Michaela put up her hand as if to stop him but the same feeling enveloped her. Her raised hand circled his neck as he pulled her delicate frame against his body. She shivered as his hand nestled in the small of her back. Sully breathed in deeply allowing her scent to wash over him. He was not going to let go. He was going to hold her like this for eternity.

"Sully?" Abigail's voice called. "Where's Josef?" As if waking from a dream, Michaela and Sully slowly parted. Had he held her too long? Had Abigail noticed? Searching Abigail's face, he saw she was not happy.

"He couldn't come. Michaela came instead," he said glancing at the woman at his side. "Michaela, I'd like you to meet my fiancé, Abigail. Abigail, this is Michaela." Abigail stared at the woman who stood beside him. She had known who she was before she had even left the Mercantile. Standing before her was the ghost that she fought everyday for Sully's heart.

"Abigail, it is nice to meet you." Michaela offered her gloved hand. Abigail looked at the hand and then at Michaela. How could she compete with this – her clothes, her speech, her looks. Abigail wanted to run and hide but she didn't. If she wanted to hold onto Sully she would have to make her stand here and now.

She shook Michaela's hand and replied, "Yes, it is nice to meet you too and I do hope we will be fast friends." A smile curled over her lips but it was forced. Plans she had abandoned would need to be resurrected now. Her arrival was not going to put Abby's future in jeopardy and she didn't care who she had to lie to or bribe to make sure it stayed that way.

* * *

_Thanks for reading… more soon!!!_


	116. Chapter 116

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen**

**Colorado Springs – August 12, 1860**

Michaela stood at the window looking down onto the street below. The curtain hid most of her body from their view but she could plainly see them. Abigail's long black hair cascaded down her back in what Michaela knew instinctively was natural waves. The dress, while not the latest fashion, was still more than she'd expected for the frontier. She was small, petite, and definitely not pregnant. Michaela now wondered if her father was wrong about this detail or if perhaps she'd lost the child. Only then did it occur to her that maybe the child was already born which would mean Sully and she consummated their relationship at least… With a shake of her head, she turned from the window unwilling to think about that for the time being.

Though she knew this was going to be hard, she hadn't realized just how hard it would be until now. The way they greeted each other was a clear indication that the feelings were still there. He might be marrying someone else but she no longer doubted that he still loved her. Michaela inhaled sharply as she set about to change out of her traveling clothes. She would have to guard against her feelings flaring up like that again. There could be no more mistakes.

Outside the boarding house, 1Abigail looked impatiently over at Sully waiting for some sort of explanation for Michaela's presence. Sully's face was turned down though, his own mind trying to wrap around the situation. A thousand different emotions flowed through him ranging from love to anger but he didn't know exactly what he felt at the moment. Seeing her again was something he had not counted on and he was finding it hard to digest.

"Sully?" Abigail's tone was easily recognized and Sully chose to ignore it rather than look up right away. Yet Abby wasn't about to be put off. She stepped in close to him and laid a hand against his chest as she changed tactics. "Sully?" she spoke softer this time, almost seductively.

"Hmm?"

"I love you," she whispered, looking up at him with her big brown eyes and then demurely dropping her lashes.

As always when she said that, Sully was at a loss as what to say in return. It only made it harder when Michaela was so close. "Abby I didn't know she was coming," he said not really wanting to broach this subject either but believing it the lesser of two evils.

"Why is she here?"

The question was pointed as if Michaela planned to sweep in at the last minute and steal him away. Sully unconsciously smiled at that thought, knowing Michaela would never be so petty or vindictive. "She's here to see me get married."

The opening of the boarding house door interrupted further conversation and they both turned in the direction to see Michaela step out. She had changed out of her traveling dress and now wore a light blue chiffon that Sully recognized as one of her garden party frocks. She looked breathtaking, like a burst of spring on this hot summer day. Abigail linked her arm through Sully's protectively and then moved over towards the unwanted guest. "After you meet my parents, I'll have Sully hook up the wagon and we can go out to our homestead. You'll be our first guest."

Michaela's eyes grew large as she thought about the homestead. The place that she'd seen once a long time ago came to mind and Michaela wondered if Sully had finished it for Abigail. Sully registered the shock on her face but knew he couldn't reassure her right this moment. It actually hurt a little to know she even wondered. That place was sacred; he would never live there with Abby. "That would be nice," she said softly. "But I don't think I'm up for such a journey today. I'm afraid the traveling has been a bit much."

Sully's lip curled half way listening to Michaela speak like one of her sisters. He saw right through her facade, knowing that Michaela Quinn was not the type of woman to grow weary after traveling.

"Perhaps tomorrow then," Abby declared undeterred as she began to pull Sully towards the mercantile. "My parents will be thrilled to meet you. Sully is such a mystery to us that it's so nice to meet some of his friends."

A furtive look passed between Sully and Michaela, much spoken in that brief moment. Each knew the other was struggling and both felt strangely comforted from that knowledge. For the first time Michaela looked around, barely remembering this place from the few moments she was here during Sully's mining accident. "I suppose this place doesn't compare to Boston," Abby began, her cheeks reddening as she watched Michaela's eyes.

"It doesn't need to compare to Boston. There's a different kind of beauty here that one can't find in Boston."

"It ain't... isn't beautiful in Boston?" Abby silently chastised herself for mis-speaking and reminded herself to be more careful in the future.

Without even meaning to Sully spoke up. "Parts are... the Charles... the Common... standing at the harbor." He smiled over at Michaela as he spoke, this time unashamedly. Michaela returned the smile, her eyes sparkling with memories of all those places and Sully.

"In spring the city is alive with life – everything's blooming. Even the not so appealing areas are a bit brighter in spring. Boston in May is wonderful."

"Remember when we were little and Josef took us to that boat show on the Charles and we ate roasted corn sitting on the bank. That was in May." Sully's excitement was almost palpable as he spoke.

Michaela laughed out loud. "I forgot all about that. You fell into the river later on that day."

"And Elizabeth scolded me but Josef just laughed."

"Well it was funny."

"It wasn't that funny," Sully scolded teasingly.

Abby snatched her arm away from Sully but he barely noticed, his gaze focused on their guest. She crossed her arms over her chest and furrowed her brow. "You both know Josef?" she asked crassly, still not having put all the pieces together.

Michaela narrowed her eyes at Sully as if to ask why Abigail didn't know this already. "Josef's my father," she replied.

"Your father? But I thought that Sully was taken in by Josef when he was small... I thought..." She looked back and forth between the two of them, still unsure how to reconcile all the information.

"I was," Sully said. "Michaela and I grew up together."

Abigail wanted to express her outrage or at least pull Sully to the side but by this time they were at the mercantile where Loren and Maude stood expectantly waiting to greet Sully's guest. "This certainly doesn't look like a Josef," Loren joked stepping forward and extending his hand to the well dressed woman.

"Loren and Maude, I'd like for you to meet Dr. Michaela Quinn." His eyes sparkled as he said doctor and Michaela silently thanked him for remembering. "Josef couldn't make it but this is Josef's daughter – we sort of grew up together."

Making quite a fuss, Loren bent low over her hand. "It's our pleasure," he said warmly.

"Doctor?" Maude asked looking from the young woman back to Sully. "You're a doctor?" Loren, who missed the words the first time, wrinkled his brow at his wife.

"I am," Michaela assured her. "I finished medical school in May. I work in my father's practice in Boston."

"Ain't never heard of a lady doctor," Loren added narrowing his eyes as he reassessed the woman before him.

"A real lady doctor," Maude whispered again but quieted when her husband gave her a sideways glance. "Loren has to watch the store but I'll get us some drinks if you all want to come on through to the back."

Abby led the way still plotting how to get Sully alone for a moment but unable to think of an excuse that wouldn't seem contrived. Looking back over his shoulder, Sully couldn't help but glance at Michaela. It had been a year and a half since they'd last seen each other and she looked absolutely radiant. "How was the trip?" he asked stumbling slightly over his words.

"Long but other than that it was fine." As she replied they made it to the kitchen and Sully stepped up into the room but Michaela missed the slight raised area and tripped. Instantly his hands went out to catch her and once again Michaela found herself in Sully's embrace.

"Are ya alright?" he laughed helping her to stand back on her feet.

"I missed the step up," she explained as a blush settled over her cheeks. If the truth be known her heightened color had more to do with Sully's closeness to her rather than her spill.

Maude crossed the room to take her hand in hers. "Oh don't worry about that. Somebody should have warned you." She sent a scolding look at Sully and Abigail as if both should have known she would trip. "Come on and sit down. I'm sure you must be tired after your travels."

"Thank you,' Michaela said sitting in the chair that Maude pulled out for her. Sully sat across from her with Abigail beside him. Instantly the young dark haired girl reached for his hand almost as if making a statement that Sully belonged to her. Michaela couldn't help but wonder what she knew about the two of them.

Maude bustled about fetching the drinks but soon settled in the chair on the end. "Sully is a big mystery to us. We want you to tell us all about his childhood and what he was like."

"Ah.. ya don't want to hear that boring stuff," Sully quickly interrupted dropping his head down as he spoke.

Abby, who had already experienced the trip down memory lane outside of the store, wasn't too excited about the idea either. "Ma," she said in warning, narrowing her eyes as she spoke.

"Oh Abby, you're interested too. We were talkin' 'bout this the other night at dinner. She said she couldn't wait to hear all about Sully's childhood from Josef." Maude laughed as she spoke looking over again at their guest.

"I don't know what to say," Michaela replied quickly trying to brush off the task. Speaking about their childhood was dangerous territory.

Maude considered for a moment before speaking again. "What's the worst trouble he ever got into?"

Michaela looked over at Sully with raised eyebrows, noticing how uncomfortable he was. The first thing that came to mind was the night she'd slept in his bed when they were young and Elizabeth found them but she knew better than to utter a word of that. "One time when we were in Maryland, Sully fought with the neighbor's son."

Abby laughed a little too loudly and leaned over to rest her head on Sully's shoulder, deciding she would need to make the most of this. "What were you fighting over?" she asked.

"I didn't like the way he was treatin' Michaela," he answered plainly finally raising his head to look up. "And I didn't really get in much trouble."

"If mother was with us you would have been in trouble."

"Where was your mother?" Maude asked intrigued by the conversation.

"In Boston. My father's mother lived in Maryland and we used to spend summers there."

As Michaela turned her head, she caught Sully's eye. "How are Ida and John?" he asked as if they were the only two in the room.

"They're fine." She looked up noticing the blank expressions on either side of them. "They keep the property for me," Michaela explained.

"For you?" Abigail asked.

Sully nodded. "When her grandmother died, Michaela inherited all the property."

Abigail sighed audibly at this new information adding independently wealthy to the long list of things Michaela had that she didn't. Thinking quickly on how to shift the conversation, Abby spoke up. "Let's do something. I don't want to sit around here all day."

Michaela cringed wondering if a trip to the house would be suggested again. Sully read the unease on her face though and turned the question around onto her. "What do ya want to do Michaela?"

"I would love to see the town."

"Ain't much to see," Abigail huffed but her comment was ignored as everyone stood. Maude wished them a good time then went back to help Loren and within moments they were walking back along the main street while Sully chatted with her. The whole afternoon went on like that – Abigail feeling rather like a third wheel. There was nothing to be done about it and so unhappily Abby walked with her hand firmly grasping Sully's as a constant reminder to him that she was there.

The evening continued in much the same manner - dinner with Maude and Loren followed by more conversation about Sully's childhood. Abigail was only too ready for the evening to end and she felt like throwing a party when the doctor finally said her goodbyes insisting that Sully didn't need to see her home.

Abigail and Sully stood for a moment on the porch of the mercantile watching Michaela walk down the street. He turned to her once he was satisfied that Michaela was safely in the boarding house. "I guess I should be goin' too."

"No- wait." Abby grabbed for his shoulder. He stopped and turned back towards her. All day, he noticed the coming storm in her eyes and resigned himself to a tongue lashing about Michaela. Her gentle tone surprised him. "Why didn't you tell me that she was Josef's daughter?"

Sully looked down at the ground, unable to come up with a good reason. "I don't like to talk about the past."

Usually this made Abigail want to comfort him, assuming that the past was too painful for him. Now that she'd seen him with Michaela though, she felt differently. "Why did she come here?"

Sully's head snapped up at the sound of Abby's tone. "I told ya - for our wedding." Abigail simply glared at him, her disbelief written on her face. "Abby if ya think she came to win me back or something…" He hesitated for a moment wishing that was true. "Ya don't know her! She ain't here for that."

"How can you be so sure?" she asked desperately.

Blackness pooled in Sully's eyes as he considered the question. "She made her choice already – she doesn't want me." Pain seared through his heart as he spoke these words, knowing the truth of them. His anger flared up again – anger at Michaela for coming here and torturing him like this. How could he possibly stand at the front of a church and marry Abigail when Michaela was sitting there watching? Before Abby could stop him, he moved away needing to be alone with his thoughts.

"Sully? Where are you going?" She started to go after him, moving quickly to match his long strides.

"No, Abby. I need to be alone."

She stopped in the middle of the road and watched him walk away, her anger growing with each step he took. Turning her back on his fading silhouette, she glimpsed the saloon. For now, her only desire was to make Sully look as unappealing as possible to Michaela and she knew just who to enlist to help her.

* * *

**Boston – August 13, 1860**

Having just completed morning rounds, Josef retired to his office and sat back in his chair thinking about Michaela in Colorado. Yesterday they received the telegram that she had arrived safely. Kicking his feet up on the desk, a wide grin spread over his face. For too long he was uncertain what the future would hold for Michaela. He knew she was strong willed and he'd never tried to break her spirit until he found out about the relationship with Sully. For the past year she moped almost incessantly and Josef knew she was pining for him. He was proud of the fact that she broke it off with him but he was ready for her to be completely set free from his memory. For a year he tried to find the magic cure but there was no easy answer. Abigail Bray's letter arrived at the moment that Josef most needed a plan of action.

The doctor never warned him that he shouldn't travel but it seemed a good excuse to send Michaela in his stead. In the same way she pretended not to miss Sully, Josef pretended not to notice her depression. Abigail's letter announced their engagement, her pregnancy and invited them to the wedding. It was, for Josef, Christmas come early and clear evidence that he was right about Sully. Josef shuddered thinking of his daughter out on the frontier slaving away for Sully, birthing child after child when she obviously possessed the ability for so much more.

He needed her to be angry, to see him for what he really was and Josef couldn't think of a better way. At first he hoped that the news might be enough to bring her around. Certainly it was shocking enough. Yet Michaela took it all stoically, her demeanor barely changing in the least. It wasn't until she moved back to Boston after graduation that Josef became aware of the letters that still flowed from Colorado, arriving once a week. With that realization it became clear that something needed to be done.

At first he planned to go with her to make sure that things didn't swing in the other direction. He recognized the risk in sending her alone. Yet he really didn't think she would accompany him – this was the only way he could assure she would go. It was a risk he was willing to take. After all he already felt like she was a ghost of her previous self, the only time she came alive was at the hospital when she was working. He wanted his daughter back fully and though he knew the hurt would take a little while to heal, he was certain this was the way to bring her around. Yes, the risk was worth it.

A knock came to the outside door and he pulled his feet off the desk, straightening in his chair. "Come in," he called opening a folder for appearance sake. The door opened a little and William stuck his head inside.

"Do you mind if I come in for a moment?"

Josef lifted his hand and waved at him. "Come on. I was only looking over some patient files."

William nervously wrung his hands as he perched himself on the edge of a chair. He had hoped to talk to Michaela about this first but that was impossible with her half way across the country. His first thought was to wait but now he was worried, too worried to wait even another day. "It's about Marjorie," he began.

Josef strained to hear the young doctor's words. "Marjorie?"

William nodded. "I know it really isn't any of my concern but I'm worried." He had Josef's complete attention now, the older gentleman leaning forward to hear what he might say. "I have reason to believe that Everett has been hitting Marjorie."

Leaning back in his chair, Josef puffed out his cheeks considering William's words. "I know they've been having problems but physical violence?"

The look of disbelief on Josef's face made it harder for William to continue. "I know how it sounds," he whispered, dropping his head to study the back of his hands. "I am worried for Marjorie though and the children. I don't want anything to happen to them."

Confusion reigned in Josef's mind. He was so consumed with Michaela recently – had he really missed something this major? "If it's true, why hasn't she come to us?" he whispered, not really intending William to answer.

"She's ashamed," he quickly replied. "It's not like she's even told me for certain but I recognize the signs."

Josef looked up and sighed deeply, the concern in the young doctor's eyes letting ghim know how serious he was. "I'll speak to Elizabeth… perhaps she will be able to shed some light on the subject." William nodded slightly, hoping that this would be the start of improvement. "Thank you William for coming to me. If we could keep this quiet for now."

"Certainly, Dr. Quinn." His face was completely serious while inside he relaxed for the first time in days feeling like things weren't completely on his shoulders. He stood then leaning across the desk to shake the older doctor's hand. Josef looked up as the door closed behind him, raising a hand to stroke his temple. While averting one crisis with Michaela another was brewing right under the surface but he didn't fault himself. Elizabeth always handled the other girls so it wasn't surprising that he missed something like this. He would go home for lunch and they could discuss it. William was most likely overreacting anyway. Perhaps he needed to speak to Everett but things like this were easily corrected. Brushing the problem under the rug he returned to his files, this time updating them for real.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 13, 1860**

Before the mercantile opened, Abigail carried out her dirty work. Things couldn't have gone better if she planned them. One of Hank's girls named Madeline was already out sweeping the porch as she approached the saloon. Within moments they stood inside the swinging doors and it only took a quick flash of the coins to convince her to help. After giving the young woman specific instructions on what to say, she turned to leave feeling rather self satisfied. Yet before she could open the swinging doors, she heard Hank's low laugh in the back ground.

"Little early for a whiskey, don't ya think?"

Abigail turned and placed her hands on her hips intending not to let him get to her. "I'm not here to see you," she spat at him, the venom obvious in her tone.

The smile on his face made her feel sick as she started to walk away. Hank chuckled to himself and took a step forward, halting her in her tracks.

"Ya think ya got everyone fooled but I know your dirty little secrets."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Abigail Bray, sweet and innocent, the apple of her father's eye. Ain't like that, is it?"

Abigail didn't speak but he could read the rising anger in her eyes. "And that poor sap marryin' ya cause he thinks ya were raped."

"I was raped!" she said adamantly, forgetting to blush appropriately at using such a word.

Hank snickered at her words, her venom not fazing him in the least. "Course Sully's got his secrets too."

These words made Abigail stand up a little straighter, though she tried to act uninterested. "Hank Lawson, leave us alone!"

"Don't ya wanna know about your future husband?"

"Sully doesn't have secrets – he's told me everything about his past." She knew that wasn't true but she couldn't let Hank think she was in the dark.

"He ain't told ya everything."

Abigail stood still, carefully weighing her options. She turned her back to Hank prepared once again to leave the saloon but curiosity got the best of her and she unwillingly looked back at him. Choosing her words very carefully she spoke. "What is it that you think you know, Hank?"

Now that he had her attention, he moved back in order to lean casually against the bar. "When ya gonna tell 'em that was Jake's baby?"

She glared at him. "That baby was not Jake's and she's dead so what concern is it of yours."

"That baby have some help dying?"

"I don't like what you're implying!"

Hank looked down at the floor and then back up at her, the same smirk on his face. "Sometimes the truth hurts."

Abigail flipped her hair over her shoulder and prepared once again to leave. "You don't know anything about Sully's past. You just said that to get me to stay. I hate you Hank Lawson!"

Grabbing her by the arm, Hank stopped her once again. "I know that woman ain't his sister and this isn't the first time she's been to Colorado."

"Let go of me!" she yelled snatching her arm away from his grasp, suddenly not wanting to hear anything he had to say. She stepped quickly to the door but Hank's voice followed her.

"I don't know Abigail. What do you think of a woman who travels to a mining camp to spend time unchaperoned with a man? Oh but then you've done that yourself haven't ya." He laughed as she scampered out the door and turned to Madeline who was now wiping down the tables. "What did she want?"

Afraid that Hank would confiscate the money, Madeline shook her head. "Wanted to know if Sully'd been in here last night."

Another chuckle emerged from Hank. "She don't know Sully too well, does she?" he said already moving towards the bar to get ready for the day.

* * *

Later that same morning, Madeline waited anxiously on the porch of the saloon, spending more time watching the boarding house than enticing customers. Myra, another of Hank's girls, stepped out onto the porch wrapping a shawl around her shoulders. She too was waiting for the same person as Madeline but for a much different reason. Fate smiled on them both when the doctor shortly appeared.

After a night of fitful sleep, Michaela managed to sleep in that morning and then spent a good hour or so talking to Charlotte, who ran the boarding house. Reluctantly she emerged from the safe haven of her lodging, knowing she couldn't put Abigail's trip to the homestead off another day. Her eyes were cast down as she passed the saloon, thinking of a controlled response to when she finally saw their dwelling place. She barely heard the two women on the porch of the saloon trying to get her attention. Madeline would have never succeeded if it hadn't been for Myra who called out "Doc! Hey doc!"

"Myra, go away," she hissed, not wanting the younger girl to mess up her money making opportunity.

The well dressed woman stopped and turned in that direction, hesitating only a moment before the doctor in her took over. As Michaela made her way over, Myra bustled off the porch with a quick glance over her shoulder. "I need your help," she whispered, succeeding in gaining her attention before Madeline.

"My help? What's wrong?"

Leaning on the swinging doors, Hank looked out at the commotion his girls were making and swore loudly. "Myra, get yourself back in here."

A look of desperation came over the young woman's face as she looked imploringly at the doctor before turning back towards the saloon. Michaela followed her though, stopping just shy of the step up onto the porch. Madeline silently thanked Myra for enticing her prey closer. "You that fancy doctor from Boston?" she asked standing akimbo.

Michaela nodded still watching the swinging doors where Myra disappeared moments before.

"Ya here for Abigail and Sully's wedding, aren't ya?" Again she received a silent nod from Michaela who was hitching up her skirt and preparing herself to enter the saloon. "That Sully's quite a looker. Can't say I mind when he comes by here for a little company if you know what I mean."

Michaela's head swiveled quickly in her direction, a blank look on her face letting Madeline knew she'd found her mark.

"Ain't like other guys – he knows how to make a woman happy."

Inside Michaela fought with herself. She knew instinctively that this woman was lying but part of her couldn't help but wonder. Had she driven Sully into the arms of other women? Had he sought comfort anywhere he could find it? With a shake of her head, she tried to dispel the notion once again letting the look of desperation she'd seen on that young woman's face come to mind. With a new sense of determination, she stepped up to the swinging doors and entered. The darkness of the small space made her blink as her eyes adjusted to the light and haze of smoke that filled the air.

"No ladies allowed!" barked a man from behind the bar.

Holding her medical bag in front of her like a shield, Michaela stood her ground not willing to be intimidated by any man especially this one. "I'm not a lady, I'm a doctor. I came in here to check on one of your girls and that is what I intend to do."

"Ain't nobody see my girls without paying first." He laughed as he spoke and the rest of those present in the saloon joined in. Without a word, Michaela moved across the room ignoring the catcalls and inappropriate remarks until she stood in front of the scantily clad woman.

"In here," Myra whispered pulling the doctor into the room.

Michaela stopped and looked around as she leaned back against the door. "You said you needed my help?" she asked looking at the young woman in front of her.

The color on Myra's cheeks heightened as she stepped towards the bed. "I got, uh… a problem…" She looked up imploringly, unsure how to explain further."

"A female problem?" Myra nodded, anxiously biting on her lower lip. "Have you ever been examined?"

"No." She grew nervous now watching as the doctor moved to pour water into her basin in order to wash her hands.

As if she could read her mind, Michaela assured her. "You don't need to be frightened. Just lay down here on the bed." Myra followed her instructions, relaxing under the doctor's gentle care. "What's your name?" Michaela asked suddenly, realizing they hadn't officially exchanged pleasantries.

"Myra," she whispered. "My name is Myra."

"Hello Myra… I'm Dr. Quinn." As Michaela spoke, she moved to examine the young girl.

"Is it true you come all the way from Boston?"

"All the way from Boston," Michaela confirmed.

Myra's eyes were full of something akin to awe and she chattered on nervously while Michaela examined her. "Do ya work in some big fancy hospital?"

With a gentle chuckle, Michaela replied, "I suppose I never thought of it as fancy but yes it's rather large. I work mostly with children. They like to call me Dr. Mike."

"Dr. Mike?" She smiled as she said it. "I like that, it fits ya. Could I call ya that too?"

Michaela gave a shrug of her shoulders. "Certainly." A natural lull in the conversation developed as Michaela continued her work.

Myra turned her face up to the ceiling as she prepared herself to say this next part. "I overheard Madeline tellin' ya that stuff 'bout Sully a few minutes ago. It ain't true. He never even stepped foot in this saloon or visited with one of the girls at the mining camp. I don't know why she was sayin' all that 'cept to give ya a hard time."

Michaela didn't speak right away but rather finished the examination and then rose to wash her hands again. Looking back at the young woman, she smiled weakly. "Thank you," she whispered. "I didn't want to believe… I thought perhaps I didn't know…." She stopped speaking knowing that wasn't true and wondering why she'd let the girls get to her.

Myra felt emboldened by the look on her face and after rearranging her clothing, she spoke quickly the words tumbling out. "I don't think he loves Abigail either. He was only marryin' her cause of the baby." The words hit Michaela and she stood stunned for a moment unable to respond in anyway. "I know it ain't my business," Myra added seeing the blank expression on her face. "I just thought ya should know."

Another weak smile from the doctor put the young woman at ease. Michaela was already back to business though, and searched in the small black bag she had brought in with her. "You have an infection," she explained. "I don't have much but I want you to take this in the morning and at night until it's gone. I will see if I can't contact a doctor in Denver to send some more over on the next stage."

Taking the small brown bottle from the doctor, Myra smiled. "Thank ya," she whispered. Quickly she looked around the room for something she could give the doctor in return. Rushing to her vanity, she snatched up a strand of pearls. "These ain't real," she said thrusting them into Michaela's hand. "But they're pretty."

At that moment, a loud knock came to the outside of the door making them both jump. "I guess I better get back to work now 'fore Hank gets mad."

Michaela felt her heart break a little at those words as she realized that Myra didn't have much of a choice in the matter. "Thank you Myra," she whispered once more as they both approached the door.

A bright smile lit up her face. "Ya don't have to thank me Dr. Mike. I know I'm not the kind of person you'd normally talk to." She dropped her head as she said this last line, the smile fading as embarrassment took over.

"Myra you are exactly the kind of person I would talk to," she assured her, instantly deciding that this young woman had a heart of gold. Myra opened the door, a look of deep gratitude on her face. Hank stood just on the other side, leaning back against the wall with a cigar hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"Havin' fun?" he asked sarcastically. Grabbing Myra by the arm he pulled her back out into the saloon and then shoved her towards the tables. "Get back to work."

"I wouldn't advise that. Myra has an infection and will need to remain chaste for at least a month."

"Chaste?" He raised his eyebrows at her. "Ya plannin' on taking her place?" The saloon full of men laughed at Hank's joke further egging him on.

"That's not my occupation. As I already told you I'm a doctor." She turned to the rest of the room, her voice rising above the laughter. "Anyone who spends time with Myra before the month is out will need medical attention of their own." Quickly now she stepped towards the door, the hostility of the men becoming obvious.

A large man stood blocking her exit and grabbing her on the arm. "Don't got to rush off doc," he spat out sarcastically. "We ain't through with you yet."

"Get out of my way." Michaela moved to go around him but he held her fast. Without warning the doors of the saloon flew open and Sully dashed in. Michaela stepped back, unsure what to do as she watched Sully tousle with the man who had only moments before refused to let her go. One final punch sent the man flying to the floor of the saloon but there was soon another to take his place. A horrified look filled her face. "Sully," she yelled through the chaos trying to ensure that he was alright. A few more punches were thrown and then she saw him reaching for her hand.

"Come on," he encouraged her grabbing onto her fingers and pulling her through the swinging doors.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 1865**

Michaela closed up her bag and took a deep breath, her thoughts elsewhere as she finished her examination.

"Dr. Mike?"

Quickly she looked up at her patient. "Hmm?"

"I asked if I could go back to work now," Myra repeated wondering why the doctor was so distracted today.

"Oh, I'm sorry. The incision is healing nicely but I still think that you should take it easy for another two weeks."

"Hank ain't gonna like that," she muttered but inside she was glad for a few more weeks rest.

"I'll take care of Hank," Michaela assured her with a shake of her head. "Just leave it to me."

"Are you alright Dr. Mike? Ya seem awfully distracted today."

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Sully?"

Michaela wasn't even aware of the telltale blush that sufficed her cheeks. "Well... I... there's much going on...ah..."

Myra couldn't help but smile knowingly. The look in Michaela's eyes was easily read. "Don't worry Dr. Mike. The Indians sometimes don't come back from winter camp until April and it's been a hard winter. I'm sure that delayed them a bit."

"I suppose," she agreed dropping her head as she wondered if her feelings were that obvious. A warm hand enclosed hers and she looked up to find two very understanding eyes.

"He loves you, Dr. Mike. I knew it the first time I saw ya two together. Everyone was sayin' ya were his sister but I never believed it. I saw how he hugged ya when ya got off the stage for his and Abby's wedding. I knew then."

Michaela smiled weakly and gave a slight nod. "I miss him," she whispered unsure why she felt so safe revealing her inner feelings at this moment.

"Course ya do - you're in love. Ya always miss someone when ya love 'em." Myra had her own far off dreamy look in her eye but she quickly snapped back to reality. "I ain't educated like you are Dr. Mike but I know men. He loves ya and you'll see he'll be back real soon."

With that a brief hug was exchanged and Michaela left the girl's room. She looked over at Hank who stood behind the bar, planning to let him know that Myra still needed rest but a noise from outside caught her attention. It was Brian's voice - she was sure of it and he was yelling – calling out to someone. Quickly she went to the door and stepped out onto the porch, her eyes instantly taking in the sight of Sully with the young boy. She smiled and swallowed hard as their eyes met across the short distance. Giving Brian a quick pat on the head, he moved towards her, his gaze never wavering.

"Do ya like hangin' out here?" he asked glancing up at the saloon and then back down at her.

The color on her cheeks deepened once more and she turned her head shyly to the side. "I was tending to Myra. I had to perform an appendectomy a few weeks ago."

Sully nodded, his eyes hungrily caressing her face. The delay in returning had only made his desire to see her increase and he wished they were alone at this moment. He reached his hand out to her tentatively, unsure whether she would take it or not. "Want to go get some lunch at Grace's? I reckon we got some catching up to do."

Out of the corner of her eye, Michaela saw the proffered hand and couldn't help but grin. Forgetting all about talking to Hank, she placed her fingers in his grasp and stepped off the porch towards him. "I'm glad you're back," she whispered.

"I'm glad I'm back too," he replied threading his fingers through hers as they set off together down the street.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 13, 1860**

As they left the saloon, Sully continued to run pulling Michaela down the street towards the mercantile. Before she knew it they were going around to the back, Sully letting himself into the Bray's deserted kitchen. For a moment, neither moved or spoke, both trying hard to catch their breath.

Sully watched her though, feeling as if he'd stepped back in time. "What were ya doing in the saloon?"

"One of the girl's needed medical attention," she explained.

Sully's brow furrowed in concern. "Michaela ya can't just go running off by yourself like that. This isn't Boston."

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much," she proclaimed indignantly. "Now sit down and let me take a look at that cut on your lip."

Sully opened his mouth to protest but then clamped it shut; only now feeling the sting. The fire in her eyes burned brightly and he felt a sense of awe wash over him. This was the woman he loved – the fiery girl whom he remembered. Michaela was all business though, routing in her medical bag and then applying some ointment to his abrasion. "It's not deep – you won't need stitches."

"Good," Sully whispered in a subdued tone and then winced a little as Michaela dabbed something else onto the cut. "That stings!"

"Yes but it will keep it from getting infected." She looked down at him with her crooked little smile, losing herself immediately in the tranquility of his eyes.

That was the scene Abby walked in on and instantly grew furious. Neither noticed her presence right away, lost in the other's eyes. "Well isn't this a pretty picture," Abigail huffed crossing her arms over her chest and stomping her foot impatiently.

Quickly they were both brought back to reality, Sully rising to speak first. "Hey Abby."

"Sully your lip."

"I know. Michaela was fixing it up for me. I got into a little scuffle over at the saloon."

A deep line appeared in the middle of Abby's brow. "What were you doin' at the saloon?"

"That was my fault, I'm afraid," Michaela spoke up. "I had to see one of Hank's girls for a medical problem but the men gave me a hard time. Thankfully, Sully came to my rescue."

Sully looked over at Michaela quizzically. "Came to your rescue? I thought ya didn't need my help," he teased making Michaela simply shake her head.

"Will this heal before the wedding?" Abby asked impatiently, still miffed that neither of them were paying her much mind.

"Unlikely," Michaela said. "But the swelling should go down by then."

Abigail let out a little strangled cry. "Why did you have to go do that?" she asked, a tantrum inevitable at this point. "Now everything's ruined." With that she turned and ran from the room, the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut echoing back to the kitchen.

Michaela looked over at Sully with wide eyes. "I better go talk to her," he said with a shake of his head.

"Or learn to heal quickly," Michaela teased. Sully laughed and smiled, once again the natural bond between the two shining through. He didn't want to check on Abby – it was the last thing he wanted to do. With heavy steps, he reluctantly turned towards the hall, his mind thinking of a million things he could invite Michaela to do – a picnic, a walk in the woods, a swim in the creek – anything to have her alone.

"Thank you Sully," Michaela quickly called out before he disappeared from sight.

Sully turned around as he heard his name and smiled before once again shuffling off towards Abigail. He didn't bother knocking but simply turned the knob to let himself into her room. "Abby?"

"Go away!" she screamed instantly throwing a pillow but missing him completely. Again she threw herself back down onto the bed, burying her face with her arms.

"Abby, it's just a small cut. No one will notice." He sat down on the edge of the bed knowing that she always calmed quicker when he physically touched her. Awkwardly, he laid a hand on her back. "No one will notice," he assured her again.

Lifting her head, she laid it on his lap her hand settling on his knee. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"It will be," he whispered, his stomach twisting into knots.

Already her mood was lightening and she moved to sit up. "It will, won't it? I have a beautiful dress and I love our house." She smiled widely and moved her hand up to rest against Sully's chest. "The only thing missing is a ring." Abigail looked at him expectantly, too impatient to wait any longer.

"A ring? I got a wedding ring for ya," he assured her.

"I meant an engagement ring." She batted her eyes at him innocently but Sully only stared at her blankly. "You don't have to pretend. I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"The ring – you hid it in your Boston box." A strange look came over his face and Abby felt a little guilty for her impatience. "I know I shouldn't have looked but I couldn't help it. Don't be angry."

"That ain't your ring!" Sully barked as he stood pushing Abby to the side.

"But… I thought…" It was now Abby's turn to be confused.

"I told ya to stay out of that box!" Abigail cringed at his tone. Never had she seen him quite this angry before. "Why can't ya just leave things alone?"

Having trained herself to virtually cry on demand, Abby teared up. "You're so secretive about everything – you never tell me anything. I just wanted to know."

"Well now ya do. That ring is Michaela's." His tone was much more subdued knowing the words would find their mark. With that he left her, not knowing how his announcement would come back on Michaela.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay in posting. Thanks for reading._


	117. Chapter 117

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen**

**Colorado Springs – August 13, 1860**

Sully moved down the hall in three long strides, taking deep breaths to quell the anger in his chest. Abigail had crossed the line by going through his box especially after he'd warned her not to. He knew his words about the ring were harsh but he didn't feel guilty in the least. It was time for Abby to stop thinking she would always get her way. Stopping in the doorway to the kitchen, his eyes focused on Michaela who was seated at the table taking inventory of the items in her medical bag. Something strange happened as he watched her; the anger dispelling as quickly as it had come. Crossing to her, he picked up her hand and pulled her to her feet.

Michaela smiled but shook her head in slight confusion. "Sully? Is she alright?"

He nodded but his face didn't look convincing. "Come on," he said taking a backwards step.

Michaela moved with him for a moment but then pulled back encouraging him to look at her. His eyes were slightly hooded and Michaela ducked to see him better. "Sully?"

"Come on," he repeated wanting to be alone with her. The sides of his lips curled into a smile and the devilish thought of simply picking her up and carrying her out of there crossed his mind.

"Where are we going?" She drug her feet along the ground as he continued to pull her towards the door. The look in his eyes was dangerous and she found her defenses melting.

"For a walk," he whispered leaning in close. "There's something I want to show you."

For one moment, Michaela relaxed and moved with him wanting so badly to let go. It was only a picture on a shelf by the back door that brought her back to reality. There the Bray family sat peering out at her, Abigail's face right in the middle of her parents. Quickly she raised her guard again and pulled back on Sully's hand. "What about Abigail?"

Sully let out a sigh of frustration and dropped her hand. Already the look on Michaela's face had changed. She was hiding again. "It always takes her awhile to get out of a mood like this."

The look of hurt on his face at her rejection stung and she long to be able to take it away but she knew she shouldn't. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's just that I don't think this is a good idea." Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, she stepped back suddenly unsure of herself.

Sully turned his head to look out the window, giving them both a moment to collect their thoughts. He was certain she felt the same thing he did – that inexplicable connection. Only now had he clearly seen the look of love in her eyes but as quickly as it came, it disappeared. For a moment he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. When he turned back, he raised his hand to cup her cheek, surprised when she didn't immediately pull away. "You're right," he assented with his voice but his eyes told a different story. "I should go."

As he removed his hand, Michaela felt a chill run through her. The place where his fingers lingered a moment before burned to feel him once again. She suppressed the urgr to reach out to him and stop him from leaving. "Will you go out to the homestead with us later?"

"I don't know," he replied with his hand already on the door knob. "I got some things to do." He looked back at Michaela once more only to find her head down. With a final sigh, he slipped out of the back door.

Slowly Michaela walked back to her bag, her mind working over the last few moments. Longingly, she looked at the door wishing she could follow. To feel his arms hold her once more would be like heaven. Immediately she straightened her back and reprimanded herself for even thinking that way. Yet she knew part of her feelings came from seeing Sully and Abigail together. From the moment she first met Abigail there was something not quite right but today only confirmed it. To see Sully with someone like this was heart breaking because she knew he would only end up miserable. Again guilt gripped her. Had she driven him to this?

"Michaela?" She looked up to see Abby standing near the stove, her eyes red and swollen from crying. "Where's Sully?"

"I don't know. He said he had some things to do." Awkwardly Michaela rose from her chair. "I suppose I should go to."

"No!" Abigail exclaimed a little too emphatically. "I mean, there's no reason for you to go. The day is nice. It's not too hot. We should ride out to the homestead."

Michaela wanted to protest but found no ready excuse. Wishing she'd left before Abby emerged, she knew there was now little she could do and simply assented to the young woman's wishes.

In a matter of minutes, Abby and Michaela sat side by side of a wooden wagon, rumbling along the road out of town. Carefully Michaela watched the scenery for any recognition of her surroundings. It was so long ago but nothing looked familiar. Perhaps this wasn't the homestead Sully planned for her. Gripping and releasing her hands alternatively, a permanent knot settled in her stomach.

"I feel like we've known each other forever," Abigail remarked as they rode out of town. "You are just so easy to talk too. Sully said we'd be instant best friends."

Michaela dropped her head, scowling over the last comment. Did Sully really think that she would be instant best friends with his this woman? Had she truly convinced him that she was no longer in love with him? Taking a deep breath, she looked up smiling over at Abigail trying desperately to think of something to say. "Do you mind living so far from town?"

"I wouldn't have minded being closer but Sully really wanted to live out here away from everyone. I do like it but I've lived in town my whole life. Oh well, just something else I will have to get used to after the wedding." Abigail pulled back on the reins bringing the wagon to a halt. "This is the place we first met," she said. "He was walking to town from the mining camp and I was on horseback. Did you know he's afraid of horses?"

Michaela nodded. "Yes, he watched as his brother was drug to death by one."

Abigail frowned. Sully had never told her about his brother. There was no beating Michaela's knowledge of Sully. She knew all about him, every little thing. That's when it occurred to Abigail that she knew everything of Sully's past but she was totally ignorant of his present. With a devilish little grin, she pointed to a group of trees in the distance. "And over there," Abigail said casually. "Over there is a path that leads down to a stream. The place is simply beautiful especially at night with the stars twinkling through the trees. That's where Sully first made love to me."

Michaela could feel Abigail's eyes upon her and she tried her hardest to remain straight faced. She could feel the warmth creeping into her cheeks as her stomach lurched. What did Abigail expect her to say to that? If she knew about Sully and herself, then why was she telling her? Come to think of it, even if she didn't know why was she telling her?

"I'm sorry," Abigail giggled. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. I suppose it is rather shocking, the two of us being unmarried and all. I simply assumed that Sully had told you that I was pregnant."

"Yes, I know," she whispered. "About the baby."

Abigail smiled watching as Michaela wiggled uncomfortably on the seat beside her. She turned back to the reins and gave them a gentle flick to spur the horses on again. "I lost the baby in June," she said injecting a sad tone into her voice. "It was a little girl."

It was only now that Michaela remembered the dream, the one where Sully was kneeling in the graveyard. "A little girl?" she asked turning quickly to the woman seated beside her. "Did you name her Hannah?"

Frowning, Abigail turned towards her, disappointed that Sully had obviously already told her. She let out a long sigh and nodded, neglecting to tell her that she had nothing to do with naming the child. In fact she didn't even want to see the child. She wouldn't have even have known that Sully named the baby if it hadn't been for the little cross in the graveyard marking where she lay that read simply, "Hannah". "It was Sully's idea," she continued trying her best to turn this in her favor. "When I lost her, he was really upset."

"He's always wanted a family," Michaela affirmed, the graveyard dream finally making some sense. To hide her face, she turned pretending to look at the forest as a silence settled over the two temporarily.

"Woah," Abby called out reining the horses in as Michaela turned face front for the first time in some minutes. A small frame rose up in front of them, a miniature looking house and Michaela couldn't help but smile. "It's small for now," Abigail explained. "But Sully says we'll add on as our family grows."

"Of course," Michaela replied not really knowing what she was saying. The euphoria at realizing this was not their house nor was this their property was overwhelming. Both women descended from the wagon, Michaela a little awkwardly as she was not used to jumping such distances. Abigail painstakingly showed her every little detail of the house, believing the far off look in her eyes had something to do with jealousy. Little did she know that Michaela barely heard anything as she contemplated what had become of their place, the one Sully promised her.

"And the bed," Abby giggled as she finished her tour. Michaela smiled awkwardly as she turned towards the one item her eyes had been unwilling to observe since they entered the house. Abigail sat down upon it after pulling over a wooden crate. "Sully has a ring for me," she said with a wide grin on her face. "He's going to give it to me at the Rehearsal Supper but he already showed it to me a few nights ago when we were here alone." Abigail wasn't thinking about how she would explain this when it didn't happen but simply knowing the ring was Michaela's drove her to insensibility. When she pulled it out and opened the box, Michaela instantly knew. It was like a hard punch to her stomach. Her face went completely pale and Abby knew she'd found her mark. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It is," Michaela managed to whisper. "I don't feel so well," she added and then ran to the door. The cool breeze stirred her hair but the afternoon sun was bright and hot only intensifying the sick feeling. She ran forward towards the shade of the trees, emptying the contents of her stomach in their protection.

Watching it all from the door, Abigail laughed softly. Today she had found her mark and she would need to keep finding it after this if she was going to succeed in keeping Sully. Though she knew it would be a hard fight, she felt prepared for anything.

* * *

Not having quite recovered physically it was easy for Michaela to beg off for the afternoon. Yet as she left Abigail, she wandered right into the middle of a conversation that piqued her interest. Two gentlemen were talking about a house, tucked away outside of town. Neither knew who it belonged to but both agreed it was beautiful, obviously built with care. There was no way for Michaela to know that it was the house Sully built for her but she had to find out. Ever since she saw the homestead Sully built for Abby, she found her mind wondering what had become of the other one. Something instinctively told her this one was hers.

Late afternoon light filtered through the trees as Michaela picked her way along the path. Just as the gentleman in the mercantile had explained to his friend, the path ended as the trees grew thicker together. Now she had the hard task of looking for the lesser traveled footpath through the trees. Perhaps Sully still went out here and if so there must be some evidence. At first she saw nothing, each place looked as overgrown as the next. Yet as if someone was illuminating the way, she suddenly saw it. Slowly she walked down the small dirt trail frightened that one wrong move would leave her lost in the woods.

Yet as she continued on, she felt deep inside that she was headed in the right direction, almost as if she was being drawn. The relief she first felt when she realized Sully had build a different house for Abigail still stayed with her. It was barely dulled by all the other horrible things she had to endure. Thinking of Sully in her arms was probably the hardest but she rationalized it away, knowing the numerous times when they had almost passed the point of no return.

Something inside of her had snapped then, memories rushing back as she thought about the last time she had seen what would become their homestead: the stakes in the ground marking off the foundation, the trees that Sully had spent his one free day a week uprooting. Knowing he had done more on it after she had returned east, she couldn't help but wonder if he finished the house or what had become of it.

When the first glimpse of the roof emerged, she stopped in her tracks and her eyes run over the scene before her. Taking a deep breath, she leaned against a nearby tree. Every feeling she repressed breaking free. The love that she felt for Sully reclaimed her heart, ripping at it with jagged claws and leaving shreds behind. He was marrying another woman. When she looked into his eyes, she still felt it - she still needed him as much as ever but he wasn't hers any longer. Turning away from the structure, she threw her shoulders back, the memory of a conversation from long ago returning to her. "I would go away far away," he had said. She could do that. She would return to Boston, all the way on the other side of the country. He hated Boston- he would never come there again. The second part came to her now as her memory continued to think back – "And try not to think about you." That was the part she wasn't sure she could manage but she would try – she had to try.

The sun began to descend as she stood there lost in thought but she didn't notice. For close to twenty minutes, she stared at the structure, too afraid to go inside and too captivated to turn away. When Sully emerged from the front door, she rubbed at her eyes hard, feeling as if she was in a dream. He saw her before she had a chance to move or hide.

"Michaela?" he questioned, he too feeling that he was dreaming.

"I don't mean to intrude," she apologized as he moved closer. "I'll go." Michaela turned to leave but Sully spoke up quickly to stop her.

"No, don't go." She stopped but remained with her back to him, knowing it wasn't a good idea to be here. "How did you find this place?"

"I don't exactly know." Turning slightly so that he could just see the side of her face she continued. "I overheard people in town… and I wondered…"

"It's yours." The two words were spoken so quickly that Michaela wasn't sure if she heard them right. Only now did she turn back so that she could look at him fully. His eyes held a sadness that she suspected he carried with him always but only now was allowing her to see fully. "Guess, it seems silly to build another house but I couldn't…" His voice trailed off here and Michaela wanted to tell him how glad she was that he'd built a different house for Abigail but she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Instead she looked back at the house, letting her eyes once again take it in. "Ya wanna go in?"

Sully's eyes were piercing as he offered and instinctively Michaela knew the question was asking so much more. "I think I better not," she whispered. "It'll be dark soon and I really should get back to town." Disappointed but unwilling to let it show, Sully simply nodded and moved to the side. An awkward silence settled between them, neither sure what to say or do at this place in time. Michaela looked up the path reluctantly, knowing she should return before she lost all her light.

"I'll walk you back," Sully offered seeing the uncertainty in her eyes as she gazed at the path.

"Thanks." With that they set off together at first in complete silence except for the gentle snap of a twig now and then.

It was Sully who first spoke again, feeling compelled to try and explain the events of the afternoon to Michaela. "I'm sorry that ya had to experience one of Abby's moods. I think she's on edge cause of the weddin'."

"I'm sure," Michaela replied as she nodded. "She's different from you," she added in a whisper.

Sully let that statement hang in the air for a moment, trying to deny his feelings once again. "I know. Sometimes things happen and ya ain't sure you're even thinkin' when ya make your decisions." He shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it."

"I understand. Perhaps trying hard to fix things only makes more of a mess." Michaela was thinking of her decision to send Sully away, while Sully was thinking of his choice to marry Abigail.

"And sometimes ya wish ya could go back and change everything."

Michaela swallowed hard, raising her guard as she was afraid of what he might say next. "You don't want to marry Abby?" she asked more out of concern for her friend than anything else.

"Honestly, I don't know. One time my path seemed so clear but now…." He grew silent again nervously playing with the edge of his shirt. Michaela wasn't sure what he meant by this statement. Did he mean that his path with Abby seemed clear before her arrival or was he harkening back to another time when they were still together. By now they had come to the path to town and Sully felt unable to go on. "Can ya get back from here?" he asked.

"Sure." Michaela smiled at him apologetically, feeling guilty for stirring up so many old memories.

Yet when Sully looked at her, he did not see guilt but rather love. "Michaela," he said stopping her as she began to turn away. "If you wanted things to be different, they could be." With that he turned his back on her, leaving Michaela to ponder what he meant. Was he serious? Was it really up to her how things went on? For a moment she thought about calling out and running after him but she suppressed the urge, not knowing that in a little over a day she would give in.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – 1866**

Michaela waited at the edge of the clearing, watching the house closely for any sign of life. Perhaps Sully had already left for the day though Michaela found it hard to believe. He'd been working day and night to get the house done in time for the wedding and she found that she was missing him more and more. When the front door opened, she found her heart beating fast in her chest. Sully was shirtless as he stepped out into the warm afternoon unaware of her presence. Reaching down to a bucket he used a ladle to scoop up some water and bring it to his mouth. Once his thirst was satisfied, he scooped up another ladle full and poured it over the top of his head, shaking his hair and spraying water droplets all around. Michaela's breath caught in her throat as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Her skin flushed as she began to feel strangely aroused.

At that moment, Sully spotted her giving a little wave before heading in her direction. As he approached, she felt suddenly shy and wished she could hide from him. "Whatcha doin' here?" he asked when he was a short distance from her, his eyes twinkling with happiness.

Stuttering over her words, she answered him. "I… I had some free time…" Sully stopped in front of her now, the water glistening on his chest and Michaela found it hard to concentrate on her words.

"I finished the downstairs this morning. Wanna see it?"

"Sure," she whispered her eyes still not meeting his. It was only then that he realized what had her so distracted. Laughing he reached over and pulled her close making her squeal. "Sully you're getting me wet."

Still holding her tight, he placed a soft kiss to her forehead and then looked down at her mischievously. "You were lookin' at me."

"Where else would I look?" Michaela asked but the blush on her cheeks admitted to being caught.

"Ya like what ya see?"

"Sully," she chastised teasingly dropping her head to hide her smile. Leaning in he nuzzled her ear sensually. "I've missed you."

"Soon," he breathed out into her hair. "Soon we'll be together everyday. Ya might even get tired of me."

Michaela looked up and giggled. "Or you might get tired of me."

With that they both laughed, knowing that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The desire on both of their faces was a testament to that fact. "Come on," Sully said stepping backwards and taking her hand in his. "Let me show you the house."

* * *

**Boston – August 14, 1860**

Elizabeth knocked on the heavy mahogany door, the sound reverberating around the foyer. Josef's voice from the other side beckoned her in and she entered curious as to why she'd been summoned to his library. He sat behind the desk, a medical journal open in front of him which he immediately closed when she appeared.

"Harrison said you wanted to see me?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. Things were tense between them since Josef practically forced Michaela to travel to Colorado in his stead. Elizabeth couldn't understand it and the subject had been a fight between them more than once in the past few weeks.

"Have a seat," he began waving his hand in the direction of one of the heavy leather chairs. He rose and sat in the other one rather than behind his desk. Elizabeth looked at him expectantly, her hands folded neatly on her lap as she considered the purpose of this meeting. "William came to see me today." His voice was controlled but Elizabeth saw through the exterior.

"About?"

"It seems he's concerned about Marjorie or rather Everett." Elizabeth leaned forward slightly, her brow creased in deep thought. "William thinks that perhaps Everett is hitting her. What do you think?"

Taking a deep breath, she moved back in the seat letting her shoulders sag slightly. This was her fear though she'd never voiced it to anyone but Rebecca. When she looked up at her husband, she felt perplexed by the calm look on his face. "I have suspected," she began but then stopped giving a little shake of her head.

The calmness left his face at those words, his ire instantly rising to the surface. "You've suspected?" Josef's voice grew louder as he spoke, grating on Elizabeth's nerves. "You've never said anything to me."

"Would it matter if I had?"

Josef stood suddenly, his eyes fixed on his wife. "I don't like what you're implying," he said as he began to pace back and forth along the rug. "If one of our daughters is in physical danger, I want to know."

"I've never been certain. Rebecca and I had our suspicions but Marjorie is so closed mouth about the whole ordeal. She won't even admit they're having a problem which is more than obvious."

"You've spoken to Rebecca?" Josef asked incredulously, surprised that his wife had never shared these concerns with her rather than focusing on the larger issue at hand.

Elizabeth was past irritated at this point and like Josef she too stood. Instead of pacing though, she turned to face him head on, holding his gaze with hers. "If I've been negligent in informing you of our daughter's problems, you'll have to forgive me. I had the distinct impression that you didn't care what happened to anyone but Michaela. All I've seen you do for the last few years is become more and more obsessed with her every move. And even now you're more worried that I didn't tell you something than you are what might be happening with Marjorie right this moment."

The truth of Elizabeth's words hit him hard but he didn't let it show. "I am concerned," he carefully reiterated keeping his anger in check. "We need to speak with her."

"I don't know if that will do any good."

"Nonsense – of course it will. You can't tread so lightly around the subject as you're often inclined to do. Come right out and ask her." Elizabeth cast him an angry glance but Josef didn't even notice. "And I'll speak to Everett. After all there are two sides to every story. We'll get to the bottom of this, you'll see."

"And if it doesn't work?" Elizabeth asked, her gut telling her it wouldn't.

"Good lord woman, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 14, 1860**

Around ten the next morning, Sully started into town to see Michaela. When he had left her the day before, a new hope rose up inside of him. He wasn't sure where it came from or if he should even allow himself to think this way but there was no suppressing it now. Sleep did not come easy that night, his mind filled with thoughts of what could be. Something in her eyes told him that she had dreams of their future as well but whether it was foolish wishing or something more he wasn't sure. The wedding was close now and Sully knew that if he was going to call it off, he would have to act quickly. If he could just be alone with her some more, perhaps spend the afternoon talking… that was what they needed.

At the same moment, inside the boarding house, Charlotte sat with Michaela sensing the young woman's unease. The dark circles under her eyes told of the fitful sleep from the night before. Her few words about the uncomfortable dinner she'd shared with the Brays yesterday spoke volumes. Sully was supposed to join them but he never came. Charlotte instinctively knew that Michaela was dreading spending the day with Abigail alone and so she acted quickly inviting the young doctor to go on a picnic with them in the meadow. The children were excited by the prospect and Michaela relaxed for the first time that morning. Charlotte was easy to talk to and she was grateful to be rescued from what felt like a jail sentence with Abigail Bray. They left the boarding house close to an hour before lunch, Charlotte's youngest, Brian in her arms as they walked along the road. Colleen was in front of them, running up a little and then back towards them when her mother warned her not to separate from that quite so much. The young girl was six and had taken a quick liking to Michaela asking to sit in her lap whenever the opportunity presented itself. Charlotte's oldest son, Matthew, brought up the rear leading a horse he had recently purchased. His mother explained that it was old and past it's prime but to him it was exciting, especially having earned his own money to purchase him.

Sully rounded the bend into town as they left the boarding house, his mind focused on what he would say to convince her to spend the afternoon with him. When he saw her with Charlotte, he couldn't help but smile. The way she was talking and laughing made his heart glad and he hesitated to disturb the scene for a moment. His wavering had unforeseen consequences for as he watched the small party he didn't notice that Abigail approached from the side ready to intercept him. She saw where his eyes were focused and as determined as Sully was to see Michaela, Abby was more determined to stop it.

Michaela looked up feeling someone's eyes on her and returned the wide smile Sully gav her. She shifted the picnic basket she was carrying to one arm in order to wave at him. Sully took one step forward before Abigail crashed into him from the side. Having run the distance from the mercantile, she stepped forward to grab his hand. Sully pulled back though the expression on his face one of uncertainty. "Abby?"

"Sully, I'm so sorry. I never should have looked through your box. I never should have asked about the ring. Please say you forgive me. Please say we're still getting married." She pulled herself closer as she spoke cutting her eyes to the side to see Michaela staring at them. Charlotte watched everything with keen interest, noticing immediately the way Sully looked longingly at Michaela. Turning the direction of her small party, they approached the engaged couple.

"Good morning, Abigail.. Sully," she said cheerfully. "I hope you don't mind but we've invited the doc here to go with us on a picnic. Seems my daughter can't get enough of her."

In an instant, Sully forgot Abigail's presence dropping her hand and stepping slightly forward. "That sounds nice. I was just coming in town to see if she wanted to go on a walk with me."

Abigail's fists tightened into little balls as anger rose up inside of her. "But Sully we're supposed to have lunch with my parents and the reverend today. We're supposed to finalize details for the wedding."

He turned to her with a vacant look in his eye. "Ah… I forgot about that." Longingly he looked down at the picnic basket and then back up at Michaela, sighing loudly.

Michaela spoke next, still unsure that she was willing to be alone with Sully. Their conversation from the day before, ran through her mind endlessly and though he never directly said it, she knew that one word from her and he would call off the marriage. "Perhaps later," she whispered. "I'll have lunch with the Coopers while you two take care of your plans."

A wide grin spread over Abigail's face. Michaela's rejection clearly meant that she had managed to get to her. Whether it was the story about the two of them sleeping together or something Madeline had said it didn't matter. "Have a good time," she said sweetly pulling on Sully's arm. He did not budge though, his eyes watching as they walked away from him. "Come on," she whispered impatiently after a moment and finally Sully consented to move.

The picnic was a success on every front. Michaela enjoyed holding out her hands to Brian who was just learning to walk as he toddled back and forth between her and his mother. She pulled her hair down and let Colleen play with it. The young girl picked wild flowers and stuck them throughout the thick locks giving Michaela an ethereal appearance. After lunch, Brian fell asleep on one edge of the blanket while mother, daughter and doctor watched Matthew ride the horse in circles in the meadow, clapping at each pass he made.

Even now she wasn't sure how it had happened. Charlotte asked if she rode and the next thing Michaela knew, she was on the top of Matthew's horse moving in similar circles while he coached her on what to do. At first she felt unsure of herself but she quickly caught on and imagined what it would be like to ride the horse fast and furious over a wide open space and feel the wind blowing through her hair.

Later on Matthew put Colleen in front of him and rode her around the meadow in slow circles under his mother's watchful gaze. Conversation with Charlotte developed naturally and Michaela felt as if she found a kindred spirit. Charlotte told her how her own husband left only six months ago, taking most of their savings with him and making it hard to run the boarding house and raise the children on her own. She wasn't bitter though but rather optimistic and Michaela came to greatly admire her.

It wasn't long before Charlotte turned the conversation to the doctor's life asking if she had plans to marry. Michaela's face instantly clouded over and Charlotte knew she had struck a painful cord. "Ya alright?" Charlotte whispered keeping her voice low as Brian wiggled around in his sleep nearby. Michaela nodded unconvincingly. Knowing this wasn't the truth, Charlotte pressed on. "They don't seem to be a very natural match, do they?"

She looked up suddenly, surprised at the older woman's words. "Sully and Abigail?" Charlotte nodded. A look of consternation crossed Michaela's face as she answered, "I just never imagined Sully with someone like her."

"He's a good man Michaela. When that baby died… I don't think I've ever seen a man quite so distraught." Michaela nodded, knowing how much Sully wanted a family. "I started watching Abigail and him after that." She paused uncertain whether to speak her mind or not but then decided to throw caution to the wind. "Ain't my business I suppose but it seems to me that Sully is runnin' from something. Like he's tryin' to forget." She looked over at Michaela expectantly, the question being asked by her eyes. The young doctor dropped her head though, unsure how much to reveal. She trusted Charlotte but was it appropriate to disclose something so close to her heart. "Ya wouldn't know what he was runnin' away from would ya?"

Swallowing hard, she looked up. The compassion she found in Charlotte's face moved her and she nodded. "He was running from me… from us."

The words were low, whispered more than spoken but still it felt good to get them out. Over the course of the next hour or so with brief interruptions by the children, Michaela disclosed everything. While it was hard to relieve the past, it was also cathartic to share it with someone – an objective outsider. Charlotte listened and even shed tears at one point along with Michaela. The grief that they both carried inside of them was so obvious. When she came to the end of the tale, Charlotte asked one simple question. "Why are ya letting him marry her?"

Her excuses were ready and she enumerated them one by one but Charlotte looked right through to her heart. After the long list of reasons, Charlotte asked the same question again, piercing Michaela's defenses. "Ya ain't answered my question. Why are ya letting him marry her? I think he's just waitin' for ya to say the word. Everything ya just told me Michaela – ya need to tell him."

* * *

_Thank you for reading. Originally this was part of a much longer chapter but I've broken it into two. Expect the next chapter by Monday at the latest._


	118. Chapter 118

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Eighteen**

**Colorado Springs – August 14, 1860**

Charlotte's words haunted Michaela for the rest of the day. She found herself restless after they returned from the picnic and hoping to meet Sully, she went for a walk. Things felt jumbled in her mind though and she couldn't seem to sort out her feelings. One minute she was sold on the idea of telling Sully everything and the next doubting that was the right decision. The things Abigail revealed about their physical relationship made her angry with Sully because she couldn't imagine being intimate with someone else so soon after their break up. David made her skin crawl when he simply attempted to kiss her hand. The ring was another spot of contention. It didn't make sense that Sully would build a separate homestead for Abigail but then give her the ring. For so long the ring served as a symbol of all that was between them. It was the tangible reminder of his presence when he was gone and she couldn't fathom seeing it on someone else's finger.

Before long, Michaela found herself in front of the little church and she swallowed hard when she thought about sitting in the pew and watching the ceremony. She could no longer pretend that she didn't feel anything or that Sully was only part of the past. The feelings between them were as real and palpable as ever. Abigail wasn't right for him – that was obvious. From this perspective, she could simply tell him that they weren't right for each other; that a marriage to her would leave them both miserable in the end.

Yet it was more complicated than that - there was one more obstacle. Walking a few steps to her right, she stood in front of the small graveyard marked off by a white fence. Her eyes settled on the marker at the back she felt inexplicably drawn to it. Before she even was close enough to see the roughly hewn letters, she knew what it said. One word – Hannah. No last name. To share something like this was powerful and Michaela couldn't help but wonder if this experience was what held them together. It was no surprise that Sully would want the child and be upset at her death. Michaela always believed he would be a wonderful father.

Kneeling down, Michaela used her fingers to sweep away some leaves that had fallen on the grave. The vision of the dream returned to her and she felt as if she could sense Sully's grief rising up from the ground. "He loved you so much," she whispered with one hand laid flat on the grass where Hannah rested eternally. "I know he did. And you would have loved him. I can see the two of you together. He would hoist you up on his shoulder and carry you along. He would have been good father for you." She grew quiet now and raised her head to feel the light summer breeze on her face. She was sure this was the bond that held Abby and Sully together – positive in fact.

Standing, she brushed off her hands and set her mouth firmly in a line. There was no way that she could come between Sully and Abigail. It was wrong to take away Abby's happiness, wrong to have even come. Besides she didn't want to think about Sully being intimate with another woman and she was sure that would occupy her thoughts if she gave into her own urges. She would simply make the best of being here now and stay away from Sully as much as possible until after the ceremony.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - 1866**

After having stopped everywhere in town, except for the saloon, Sully finally headed towards the church still looking for Michaela. The clinic already had a closed sign on the door but he couldn't figure out where she was. It was only when he stood on the steps of the church that the blue of her dress caught his attention. Turning to the graveyard he approached with curiosity, wondering what she was doing there. His wife kneeled in the corner by Hannah's grave pressing down on the soil as if she was planting something. From this angle, he could see the curve of her belly and he smiled at the thought of their child. "Michaela?" he called softly stepping to the little gate.

Startled, she looked up but relaxed when she realized it was just her husband. "Oh Sully. I'm sorry… I didn't realize it was so late."

"No need. Whatcha doin'?" he asked moving closer.

"I just finished planting flowers." She lifted her hand up to him and Sully helped her stand again. Wrapping one arm around her shoulder, he placed his other against her abdomen protectively covering their unborn child.

"You plant the flowers? I never knew," he whispered his eyes riveted to hers.

"I know biologically she wasn't your daughter, but I still feel like she was."

"Me too," he whispered resting his cheek against her hair, glad that Michaela understood him so well.

Michaela moved slightly away and tilted her head to see his eyes. "I would have loved her too. You know that, don't you?" Sully didn't speak but simply nodded wrapping both arms around her in order to hold her close, anxious for the birth of their own child.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 14, 1860**

By the time of the rehearsal dinner, Michaela managed to reconstruct the wall around her heart. Determined to be stoic throughout the party, she planned to remain as anonymous as possible. She waited until the last moment to arrive, hoping to slip into a chair near the back and cease to exist. Already she planned to excuse herself when Sully gave Abby the ring, knowing she wouldn't be able to tolerate having to watch that. With her mind focused, she slipped from the boarding house porch walking slowly towards the event.

The area behind the mercantile was transformed beautifully with tables set for the many guests. Several of the older women of the town along with Maude spent most of the day cooking for the first of the big events. Tomorrow would be spent preparing food for the actual wedding reception itself which was scheduled for the day after next. Candles twinkled from each table top, as the sun started its descent in the evening sky. Visions of the same scene at Anna's house in Maryland raced through Michaela's mind but she resisted the urge to think about such things.

Michaela sat at a table in the back surrounded by people she didn't know. She had chosen the seat on purpose to be as far away from Sully and Abigail as possible. How she ever thought she could handle watching him marry another woman was beyond her now. Every time she saw them together it was as if the old wounds were opening – wounds that had never really healed.

Abigail caught her eye and started off towards her. "Michaela, you're Sully's family. All the family is sittin' up with us at the head table. Come on," Abigail said taking her hand and practically dragging her to the front of the crowded room. Michaela felt her stomach lurch and was sure all the blood had drained from her face.

Sitting Michaela on Sully's left, Abigail took the seat on his right. Sully glanced at Michaela out of the corner of his eye. She looked extremely pale and he noticed her hand was shaking.

"Ya alright?"

"Yes," Michaela answered unconvincingly.

"Michaela.." Sully began but was cut short by Loren rising from his chair and tapping his glass.

"I'd like to welcome everyone here this evening for the rehearsal dinner. I know that if Josef was able to be here – he'd be giving this speech. But anyways I know he's happy for ya Sully. And I'm happy to be gainin' a son-in-law like you. I'd like to propose a toast to Sully and Abigail," Loren finished and raised his glass as the toast was echoed around the area. Everyone in the room tapped glasses together except for Michaela who was feeling more lightheaded by the moment.

Her eyes were fixed on Sully and Abigail who had both just set their glasses down. Abigail leaned in towards him closing her eyes. Michaela knew she should look away but she couldn't stop herself. Sully bent his head to meet her lips and though the kiss was short and innocent, Michaela felt as though her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She took a shaky breath. Only one time in her whole entire life had she ever seen Sully kiss another girl and that had been a big misunderstanding. This was not a misunderstanding. This was real and soon it would be forever.

She had to get out of this place as soon as possible. Turning to Sully she whispered, "Sully, I'm suddenly not feeling well. If you'll please excuse me."

"Of course, do ya need me to walk ya back to your room?" Sully asked noticing the ashen color of her face.

"No, I'll be fine," she said as she stood and walked as quickly as possible around the building. As soon as she was out of sight, she took off running into the blackness of the night. Taking large gulps of air she continued on, only hesitating on the porch of the boarding house to catch her breath.

"Ya alright?" Hank called from the porch of the saloon narrowing his eyes to see into the deepening twilight.

Casting him a repugnant look, she snapped, "I'm fine." She wasn't in the mood to deal with the chauvinistic barkeep.

Hank wasn't one to be put off by the tone of someone's voice alone and with genuine concern he crossed the street towards her. His finger came up to touch her cheek and Michaela flinched taking a quick step away from him. "You're white as a sheet. Ya sure you're alright?"

"I said I'm fine."

Hank nodded and stepped back into the street but was surprised when Michaela continued to stand there. There was something about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on. In a way that few women did, she mesmerized him. The look of pain in her eyes troubled him, and he longed to say something to take it away. Chuckling gently to himself, Hank shook his head reminding himself that the girl before him was only a refined version of Abigail.

Michaela turned towards him, her eyes flashing with rage. "Are you laughing at me?"

"At women like you," he corrected. Michaela clenched her firsts and squared her jaw, preparing to defend herself against such a remark. "You're all the same. Pass up the guy willin' to do anything for ya. Wouldn't know love if it jumped up and bit ya on the ass." The blush on Michaela's cheek at the use of such a word only made Hank laugh again. "Even know when to blush don't ya... perhaps ya ain't like Abby after all."

Confusion reigned in Michaela's eyes now. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Hank smiled at her, though it came off more as a smirk. Cocking his head to the side, he studied her intently. "I might be wrong about ya," he whispered. Michaela wanted to scream that she wasn't anything like Abigail but she wasn't sure that speaking right now would really accomplish anything. "Ya do love him don't ya?"

"That's none of your business," she returned, then gasped that she'd answered his question at all. Quickly she turned towards the boarding house door and entered, scared she might make another mistake like this one.

Hank laughed again as he heard the door slam. "And feisty," he added before turning and walking back to the saloon, finding himself strangely aroused by the woman doctor.

Michaela took the stairs two at a time, shaking with emotion. When she arrived in her bedroom, she instantly shut the windows wanting to keep out the sounds of mirth echoing forth from down below. With the new found rage, she opened up her traveling bags and began to randomly throw in her belongings, wondering if it was believable to have to return to Boston because of her father's health. Coming here was foolish. The feelings it had awoken in Sully and herself were too hard to control.

A knock at the door of her room stopped her and she hastily crossed to the door. Sully stood there in the hall, nervously running his hands through his hair. He opened his mouth to speak but Michaela interrupted him. "You shouldn't be here," she whispered pulling him into her room, frightened that someone had already seen him.

"I know but I had to see ya."

"Why?"

"'Cause I want you to know why I'm marrying Abigail."

"I don't care. Just let the past be the past. You're my brother, nothing more."

Sully grimaced at the use of those words. "You don't mean that, Michaela."

"Are you accusing me of lying?" she asked taking on a haughty air to dissuade him.

"It wouldn't be the first time you lied to me." Michaela gulped, knowing he was right. "I would never have believed it possible, not after the things we've shared."

"I couldn't tell you," she whispered hugging her arms to her body.

"Why Michaela, why? We've always had our disagreements but we always made things right between us. Why did you walk away this time?"

"I told you – I don't feel that way about you anymore."

"Then why are you shaking right now? Why, when you stepped off that stage did you hug me like that? Why did you leave the party tonight?"

"I told you, I'm not feeling well."

"Another lie, Michaela."

"Sully, please just leave."

"No Michaela not until ya tell me that ya don't love me anymore. Look me in the eye and tell me and I'll leave."

"What does it matter? You're getting married the day after tomorrow!"

"I don't care, Michaela. If you ask me to, I'll go tonight and tell her the wedding's off."

"Sully, you can't do that. That poor girl will be devastated."

"Tell me, Michaela. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't feel anything for me. Tell me you don't think about me constantly. Tell me you don't wake up at night in a cold sweat regretting every moment we've spent apart."

"I can't," she whispered.

"What?"

"I can't," she repeated. Her shoulders drooped and her tears began to flow freely.

Sully went to her and took her in his arms. For a moment, she let herself be comforted. Soon it would all be over. Never again would these arms hold her. "Michaela," Sully breathed. His voice was full of longing and desire. She turned her face up to him, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. Forgetting everything, he dipped his head and placed light kisses on her eyelids. He felt her relax into his embrace and he continued kissing her cheeks and nose, finally arriving at her mouth. Softly he kissed the corners of her mouth before lowering his lips onto hers. She shivered in his arms and he pulled her closer. It was only when she felt his tongue on her lips that Michaela came to her senses. Hastily, she pushed him away.

"We can't," she said moving away from him.

"Michaela, don't push me away," Sully pleaded.

"I'm sorry Sully. I really am but we can't be together. We just can't. I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. And Abigail- oh what have I done Sully. That poor girl. You've got to go. Please just go."

Sully didn't want to leave. He couldn't believe that Michaela would really push him away again but she was. He stood stunned for a moment and then the shock wore off and the old wounds ripped open. He staggered to the door. He had to get out of this place before he grabbed her and did something he would regret. He needed to get out.

Wrenching open the door, his heart stopped. There in the middle of the hall stood Abigail. For a moment no one spoke and then as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, Abby flounced into the room. "Are you alright?" she asked, her voice sugary sweet. "Sully and I were very concerned." She stepped towards Sully and wrapped her hands around his nearest arm.

"I'll be fine," Michaela replied keeping her eyes focused away from Sully. "I just need to rest… that's all."

"Well please tell us if you start feeling worse. We can have someone ride to Denver for a doctor if necessary. Won't we Sully?"

"Huh… uh… right."

"That's not necessary," Michaela replied.

"Well, we'll let you rest then." Abigail looked expectantly over at Sully. "We should be getting back."

"Right," he whispered allowing Abby to lead him out of the room when in reality he wanted to be anywhere but the rehearsal dinner.

* * *

**Boston – August 14, 1860**

Josef spotted his daughter's red hair from across the room and quickly crossed to her, hoping Everett had accompanied her to the party. Elise stood near her mother, clinging to her hand but the other children weren't in sight. "Marjorie," he said warmly in greeting pulling her into his embrace.

"Father," she returned stiffly not returning the motion.

"I'm glad you were able to make it. Elizabeth seemed to think you wouldn't be coming."

"Yes I told her we weren't going to come but Everett decided that we really should." Her face clouded over as she spoke of her husband but Josef didn't notice.

"Where is that husband of yours? I wanted to speak to him for a moment." He reached down to rustle Elise's hair as he spoke.

"In the foyer talking to Mr. Pritchard I believe." Josef reached up and gave her arm a light squeeze as he started to move past her. He didn't notice the way she grimaced, obviously in pain.

Josef found Everett right where Marjorie said he would be and he patiently waited until he was done with his current conversation before stepping up to shake his hand. "Good to see you Everett."

"Josef," he greeted the older doctor awkwardly.

"Mind if we talk for a moment."

Everett swallowed hard but nodded. "That's fine." Together the two men stepped back into a little alcove so that the sound of their conversation wouldn't carry to other's ears.

"How are things between you and Marjorie?" Josef began coming right to the heart of the matter.

Shuffling from one foot to the other, Everett tried hard to think of how to answer the question. He wasn't sure what the older man knew and he instantly grew defensive. "Marjorie put you up to this?"

"No," Josef assured him. "I couldn't help but notice though that you both seem distant from the other lately."

"We're going through a rough patch is all. We'll work through it."

"All marriages have troubles from time to time. It can be frustrating though." Josef observed the younger man carefully as he continued. "Perhaps a husband might even be tempted to hit his wife."

Everett flinched but still tried to play it off. Keeping his eyes cast down, he said, "I would never hit Marjorie if that's what you are implying," he lied."

"Of course not," Josef said instantly putting Everett at ease. "Please know though that if Elizabeth and I can help you in anyway… if money is the problem or something else…"

"We'll be fine," Everett interrupted. "Thank you for your concern though." He extended his hand to Josef and then quickly disappeared, promising to make Marjorie pay for this conversation later on tonight.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 14, 1860**

The last guest was gone and while the women still bustled around clearing tables, Abby pulled Sully to the side. She was upset that he'd left the party to check on Michaela and even more upset to find the two of them alone in her room. Abigail was being wise though. Yelling at Sully would accomplish nothing right now. "What a beautiful night," she whispered stepping closer to him in order to wrap her arms around his waist.

"It's clouding over," Sully pointed out his arms remaining at his sides. At some point in the evening amidst the speeches and well wishes, clarity came over him. Whether it was the harshness of Michaela's rejection or the realization that Abigail wasn't going to change, he didn't know. It didn't matter really but he was glad for the clarity. "Abby, we need to talk."

Leaning her chin against his chest she looked up at him and smiled. "About what?"

"The weddin'."

Abigail sighed happily. "It's going to be so wonderful Sully. I can't wait." Her hands began to move against him now, caressing his skin through his shirt. "Then our honeymoon," she whispered placing a kiss to his chest.

Sully could feel the warmth radiating from her but he felt cold inside. Thoughts of Michaela returned now with a vengeance. If she was here in front of him, doing exactly what Abby was Sully knew how he would react – his hands and body. Yet with Abby he felt emotionally disconnected and unable to respond in kind. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he pushed back on her. "Abby, don't."

With confusion in her face, Abby looked up at him. "We're almost married," she whispered. "I don't mind."

The scowl on Sully's face is what stopped her from continuing. "It ain't that. We got to talk." With a loud sigh she let go of him completely and stepped back. Sully swallowed hard, watching her face carefully as he said the next line. "I can't marry you."

Abby's eyes grew large as her fists clenched at her sides. "It's because of her isn't it."

"No. I told ya she doesn't want to have anything to do with me." He paused for a moment, closing his eyes to calm himself. "I'm sorry but this ain't gonna work. I wanted to try for you and the baby but… we're too different."

"How can you say that? I love you Sully – with all my heart." Again she grabbed for him, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso.

Again Sully pushed her back. "I'm so sorry," he repeated again.

Abigail thought his apology was a sign of caving and that any minute he would tell her the wedding was still on. "My parents…"

Sully interrupted her. "We'll tell them together or I'll tell 'em."

"No," Abigail whispered still trying to turn this around. "Where will you go Sully? Back east with her." The venom was coming back now, the words dripping with her anger.

"I'm going to Virginia City, Nevada with Daniel. Soon as I make some money, I'll pay your father back." He looked over at Abby but she had dropped her head so her face was hidden. "I should go talk to 'em."

Abby's head jerked up. "No!" she exclaimed. "I mean.. I'll tell 'em."

"Abby ya shouldn't have to do that alone. Let me come with ya."

"No," she protested again, her brain working hard. She needed to buy herself some more time to formulate a plan and she couldn't do that if her parents knew. "Please I want to do it myself."

"Ya sure?" Sully studied her face trying to read the emotion he saw there but he couldn't. She nodded quickly though. "I am sorry," he repeated again with a loud sigh. Again all he received was a nod of her head. "Night," he whispered turning slowly and slipping around the building to head out of town. Abigail watched him go clearing herself of emotion. She wanted to be angry and possibly sad but there was no time for that. To formulate a plan she needed to remain objective and not let emotion overshadow her. Turning to the house, she had her first idea.

The clouds moved in quickly after that, blotting out the stars one by one. Sully didn't mind though, he knew his way without any guides. His mood was dark and brooding to match the sky. The encounter with Michaela still stung his senses and though he felt relief from his conversation with Abigail, he knew that facing everyone in the morning wouldn't be easy. It was Michaela's arrival that forced him to face the truth – marrying Abigail would never work. Tonight he would cut all ties with his past and tomorrow he would start anew. Having settled things with Abigail, he moved purposefully forward, ready to rid himself of the other parts of his past.

When the house came into view, he stood for a moment taking in the beauty one final time. After he set it on fire he wasn't sure he could stay around to watch. It would be a decisive break, a symbol of leaving the hope he had clung to with Michaela. His heart felt heavy. When he had explained things to Abigail he was apologetic but rather than sadness he felt freedom. Now he only felt sad. Taking a step like this to forget Michaela would be much harder. The whiny of a horse broke the night and he turned around to see the animal approaching carrying one lone rider. Sully crouched low, taking a defensive posture. Yet when he saw the fall of hair, he stood erect once more his mouth open in disbelief.

Michaela pulled back on the reins, the horse slowing to a stop. She attempted to dismount but fell backwards ungracefully. Sully was instantly there to catch her and set her safely on the ground. "Thank you," she whispered shyly.

"Whose horse?"

"Matthew's."

"Did he teach ya to ride?" Michaela nodded unable to stop from smiling at the pure exhilaration she felt from riding out here. A silence settled as Sully tried to make sense of her presence. "Why did ya come?"

Michaela looked down at the ground and then back up at him. "I had to come. You're right… everything you said to me tonight was right. I wanted you to know that." She didn't know what else to say, unsure how Sully would react.

Sully reached out his hand to her, the beginnings of a smile on his face. He wasn't exactly sure what this meant for them and he too felt at a loss for words. "Let me show you the house," he whispered saying the first thing that came to mind. This time Michaela accepted his hand as they headed together towards the structure. Inside, Sully left her by the door and went to light an oil lamp. Once the soft glow filled the room, he returned to her.

Michaela's eyes wandered excitedly around the empty room, imagining what it could look like full of furniture and a family. "It's beautiful," she whispered.

"Ain't really done but close." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke, shuffling his feet awkwardly on the floor.

Moving further into the room, Michaela ran her hands over the stones of the fireplace and sighed in content. She was waiting for him to say something, anything that would let her know that her trip out here wasn't in vain. The smile on his face was nice but she needed to know that he wouldn't marry Abby. Turning back towards him, she leaned against the wall and waited until his eyes met hers. "Sully everything I said a few minutes ago, I meant."

"I know," he replied shifting his head to one side to see her better.

Michaela waited to see if he would continue and when he didn't she felt frustrated. "I've always thought of you as my best friend Sully."

"Ya are my best friend," he quickly assured her.

Michaela dropped her eyes, nervous about what she had to say. "As your best friend, I don't think… I mean from what I've seen…" She let out a deep sigh and threw her head back against the wall so that her eyes came to rest on the ceiling. "I don't think Abigail is right for you."

Moving cautiously Sully approached her and took one of her lily white hands in his. "I called the wedding off tonight," he whispered.

Unsure whether to trust her ears, Michaela lowered her head to see his eyes. "You did?"

"I did."

Taking him by surprise, Michaela threw her arms around his neck and held on tightly. "Oh Sully," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Sh," he soothed, his hands running the length of her back over and over. "Already have," he assured her, offering blind forgiveness when he didn't know all the details. Michaela pulled back slightly and looked at his lips in anticipation but Sully didn't bend his head down to kiss her. Instead he let go of her and once again took her hand in his, wondering where they would go from here.

"Sully?" she asked tentatively seeing the far off look in his eye.

Raising her knuckle to his lips, he brushed a kiss across the back of it. "Sit with me?" he asked. "On the steps?" Michaela nodded and after blowing out the oil lamp, they returned to the porch. Sully pulled her close, wrapping one arm around her shoulders while Michaela's head came to settle just under his chin.

"We have so much to talk about," she whispered feeling as if speaking louder might destroy the moment.

"We do," he replied, knowing that the path they would be embarking wasn't going to be easy. "I still got to face everyone in town… Abby's parents…" His voice trailed off here, realizing that he would have to face Abigail again as well. She would think he lied to her and he wanted her to know he hadn't.

"I'll be with you."

Those simple words meant the world to him and Sully pulled her even closer, resting his chin against her head. They sat like that for a long time, both reluctant to speak or suggest that they might need some sleep. Eventually it became obvious though, Michaela's head drooping repeatedly. Sully laughed. "I need to get ya back to town."

"I suppose so," she replied not wanting him to let go of her.

The walk back to town was conducted in the same silence, their hands clasped together tightly as Sully led the horse with one hand. When they arrived back in town, Michaela waited while Sully made sure the horse was secured inside the barn, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest. The walk back to town had little to do with her physical state, although it had succeeded in stealing her very last bit of energy. All she wanted now was to curl up in bed and wait out the upcoming storm that was sure to break in the morning. Still it was only one final obstacle to overcome before she could feel at peace once again. When he appeared she couldn't help but smile even if the darkness hid it.

Sully felt his way to her, only making out her features when he stood just in front of her. "It's late," he whispered near her ear making the hairs on her neck stand on end.

"Or early," she giggled. "It depends how you look at it."

Until this moment Sully was cautious about touching her, things only tentatively restored between them. He repressed the desire to pull her close and instead turned to walk her to the boarding house. Once again Michaela found his hand and held it in her own, only dropping it when they stood in front of the door.

"Sleep well," she whispered laying her hand against his cheek. That was his complete undoing. Before Michaela could move, she was crushed against his chest as Sully peppered the top of her head with soft kisses.

"Michaela," he whispered, desperation obvious in his voice. Michaela wrapped her arms around his torso and held him tightly, tears of joy filling her eyes.

When he finally stilled his lips against her hair, she spoke. "You better get some sleep. Tomorrow isn't going to be easy."

"I know," he whispered, "but we'll be together and that's all that matters."

* * *

**August 15, 1860**

Bright sunlight streamed through the open window as Michaela first opened her eyes to greet the new day. From the position of the sun, she knew it was late. That wasn't surprising, given that she had spent half the night walking back to town with Sully. Sully – the thought of him filled her and she smiled widely thinking of his arms around her. Quickly she threw back the sheet, wondering if he was already downstairs waiting on her.

After splashing some water on her face, she pulled through dresses trying to decide which one to wear before deciding on a light green chiffon that was edged in pink. Casting a momentary glance at her corset, she decided to leave it off for the day. Sully liked her better without it anyway. She left her hair down seeing that it still held the curl from the night before. Another quick glance in the mirror and she rushed out the door, taking the stairs quickly as her heart pounded at the thought of him.

"Matthew! Colleen! How many times I told ya not to run down the stairs like that?" Charlotte dropped her voice and muttered to herself now, her back still to the staircase. "Think I raised 'em without a lick of manners. More like wild horses than children."

"Sorry, Charlotte," Michaela said weakly. "It was me."

When the older woman turned to face the doctor, she had her hands on her hips and a wide smile on her face. "There's someone here to see ya."

"There is?" she asked looking expectantly.

"I sent him out to get some fresh water from the well."

Michaela smiled widely. "Thank you," she replied breathlessly. With that she rushed out of the back door as fast as her feet could carry her. Sliding to a stop ten feet from the well, Sully was just hoisting up the bucket. He turned when he heard the shuffle of feet and let the bucket fall back in the well. "Michaela," he whispered as if he was afraid saying her name too loud might cause her to disappear.

"Good morning," she replied breathless from her run. She stepped forward quickly but then dropped her head not wanting to seem forward. Yet the silly rules of courting were forgotten the moment Sully's arms crushed her to his chest.

"I kept thinkin' I dreamed last night."

"Not a dream," she whispered raising her eyes to his.

"Ya sleep well?"

"Very well. You?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was too excited. We still have so much to talk about." As he said this last part, his eyes clouded over and Michaela knew how he was feeling because she felt the same. So much still remained between them, not to mention the plans they would have to make for the future.

"Let's just get through today." Sully nodded and then slowly lowered his lips to cover hers. The feel of his arms wrapped firmly around her back, the earthy aroma that clung to him, the warmth of his lips against hers sent Michaela's senses reeling. She was finally where she belonged. As the kiss ended she laid her head against his chest and simply enjoyed the moment. Both of their eyes were closed, their pulses racing at dizzying speeds.

"Sully?"

The voice split the air making Sully and Michaela quickly break apart. Sully recognized the voice as Loren's and sucked in sharply knowing he would now have to face the music. "Loren?"

Though the older gentleman had witnessed the hug, he didn't think much of it, other things weighing more heavily on his mind. "I've been looking all over for ya."

Sully nodded and stepped a little forward of Michaela. "Abby told ya?"

Loren's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Told me what? I haven't seen her since the party last night. I was hoping she was with you."

Sully shook his head fervently. "I left her after the party… just got into town 'bout half an hour ago."

"Maude went to wake her a bit ago and her room was empty… bed never slept in." Both Michaela and Sully could see the panic rising in his eyes. "We gotta find her…" His voice trailed off as the horror of the moment became real for him.

"Don't worry," Sully tried to reassure him. "Maybe she went out to the homestead early. We'll find her." He turned to look at Michaela and the calmness of his voice was betrayed by the look in his eyes. Michaela felt her stomach tighten and something told her that this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

_Thanks for reading. I am now focused on exams so I will be MIA until they are over. Sorry for the delay._


	119. Chapter 119

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen**

_Warning: There is a self-mutilation scene described in the first and second scene of the following chapter. It is not graphic and most of it is implied rather than explicitly stated but please do not read if this will offend or bother you._

**Colorado Springs- August 14, 1860**

Abigail Bray lived her whole short life by two principles. The first was to always get her way no matter what the cost. At what age this actually became a conscious thought no one would ever know but by age three she clearly knew that shedding a tear or two would move Loren to action. She also learned at a young age that her mother rarely reacted the same way as her father which led to the second principle - men can be molded and manipulated. Another lesson that she learned first with her father, but then applied to others. While this produced a strange combination in a young woman, she hid it well. From the outside, townsfolk believed she was like her mother - sweet and caring, though they all knew she had Loren's temper. Girls rarely made an impression on Abigail. She'd never been good friends with any of the girls in town her own age, insisting that they were all jealous of her. Abby's relationship with her own mother was a mixture of love and hate. Inside Abigail was very much still a little girl and that part of her wanted her mother's soothing touch and sympathy. The fierce independent streak in her hated her mother's meekness and couldn't understand why she let her father rule over her like he did.

Sully presented an enigma to Abigail because he was so unlike other men she knew. He was unmoved by her tears and rarely gave into her tantrums. Perhaps that was why she set her sights on him in the first place. Maybe she wasn't in love with him as much as she was in love with having won him. That didn't matter now though, she wasn't going to simply take this latest blow lying down. Michaela certainly influenced his decision in some way and Abigail believed that she had the ability to change his mind once again.

With her goal set, Abby's plan was simple. Jake had wanted to marry her after they slept together. He said it was the right thing to do. Certainly Sully would feel the same – after all he had more honor in his little finger than Jake had in his whole body. When she mounted her horse, her only thought was how to seduce him. It never occurred to her that Sully might simply not be interested. In her experience, men were unable to resist women who were willing as she would be this evening.

As she flew down the road, logic was lost. Sully left before she did but he was on foot, traveling much slower than Abigail on horseback. She should have passed him at some point but she never thought of that until she arrived at Daniel's old house to find it dark and vacant. At first she'd entered thinking perhaps he was already in bed. Unbuttoning her shirt, she ascended the stairs humming gently to herself. She opened the bedroom door prepared to shock him as she stood there in only her camisole but the bed was empty to her surprise. For a fleeting moment she considered riding out to the new homestead but why would Sully be there when he'd called off the wedding only a few hours earlier.

No he was with her. That she was certain of. He had probably left town only to double back around and return to her room at the boarding house. Rage filled her now, worse than she'd ever experienced before. Digging her heels into the sides of the horse sharply, she raced back to town, only to find the window of Michaela's room dark as well. It was about that time that the saloon was closing down for the night and Jake happened to stumble out onto the street. Seeing Abigail standing off to the side, he turned to head quickly in the other direction wanting as little to do with her as possible. Yet it was too late. Abigail spotted him and in the same way she sought comfort in his arms before when Sully rejected her, she was determined to do it once again.

"Jake, Jake," she called breaking into a run as she pursued him to the porch of the barber shop.

"Go away Abby," he said gruffly as he forced his key into the lock.

"I just want to talk to you for a minute." Her voice was sugary sweet as she approached from behind.

Still not looking up at her, Jake turned slightly. "Talk then."

"You aren't going to invite me in?"

With a heavy sigh, Jake faced her fully now trying to figure out what game she was playing. "Ain't right," he slurred. "You're engaged."

Abigail let out a loud breath and gave a slight shake of his head that Jake didn't perceive in his drunken state. "I'm tired of Sully," she whispered refusing to admit that Sully was the one who broke off the wedding. Already a new plan was taking shape in her mind. She would simply tell her parents in the morning that she called the wedding off and if her luck held she would be married to Jake before Christmas. "I need a real man."

Jake let out a deep chuckle that seemed to echo through the empty streets. "I ain't a fool Abby. Ya ain't gonna do this to me again."

"Oh Jake don't be angry at me." She moved in closer as she spoke, pulling on the belt that held up his pants. "Let's have some fun."

She fully expected him to give in which was why his next more so surprised her. He reached down and forcefully removed her hand from his belt. "Don't touch me," he growled. "Stay away from me." His hand went back to the key in the lock and Abigail heard the pin click as she became desperate.

"That was your baby that died." The words came out quickly, full of venom.

This wasn't the first time that he had considered the possibility but to have Abigail use it against him like this was suddenly more than he could take. Turning, he brought his hand down on the side of her cheek, not hard but enough for her to know he was serious. "Liar! Ya ain't nothin' but a whore. That baby could belong to any man in this town!"

Abigail grew wide eyed as the words left his mouth. The delicate universe she'd constructed was rapidly crashing down around her and she was powerless to stop it. Rage filled her mind as despair reigned in her heart. The two together were a lethal combination, as already experienced by the baby she'd carried only a few months earlier. Jake fled quickly know, the wild look in her eyes startling him. Finding herself alone with all hopes dashed, Abby desperately needed an outlet for her emotions but knew of none. For the first time since after the rape, shame added to her burden as she came to grips with the person she really was. Who knows how long she would have stood there if it had not been for the sound of conversation carried on the wind. Slipping quickly off the porch, she hid herself and waited.

There was no shock; it was like she'd guessed earlier. Sully and Michaela emerged hand in hand from near the livery. From the shadows she watched, her fists clenched in rage. First he pulled her tight and then when she turned her face up to his, she watched as his lips descended over her face. The kisses were tender and loving, raining down on her repeatedly. It was in that instant that Abby glimpsed the depth of Sully's love for Michaela. All illusion fell away as she realized Sully was never like this with her. The tenderness she sometimes felt from him paled in comparison to what she was witnessing. The deep love she wanted to believe Sully had for her was reserved only for the woman before him now.

Abigail realized how foolish she'd been at that moment. He would never have slept with her, never agreed to marry her. She had known there was a part of himself that he kept walled off but never before had she understood why. The evidence was in front of her and in this case seeing was finally believing. A mixture of self pity and rage fueled her actions from that moment on. A desire to destroy everything that represented Michaela took over. Lost in the moment with each other, neither noticed the shadow moving across towards the barn of the mercantile. When she rode out on her horse, Sully was already headed out of town in the opposite direction while Michaela was falling into bed.

When the homestead came into view, she jumped off the horse never bothering to even tether him so blinded by rage and anguish at this point. Throwing open the doors of the barn, she found the boxes she sought stacked in the back corner. The moon was bright as she pulled the first one into the open and dumped the contents on the ground. A bundle of letters fell out first and then the drawings that Abby had admired not so long ago. The box she sought was at the bottom and she snatched it up holding it in her hand. The ring was Michaela's and to Abby it symbolized what she would never have. She would destroy it, as Sully had destroyed her.

Opening the box, she fell to her knees. The expensive dress bought for the engagement party was long forgotten as she soiled the delicate fabric. Sucking in a quick breath she tried to make sense of the scene before her. The box was empty; the ring most likely already on Michaela's finger. Unable to take her rage out on the ring, she turned to the letters and other things in the box. Tearing off the twine that bundled the letters she wondered why this stack seemed smaller than she remembered but without questioning it she began to shred them to pieces. The drawings received her vengeance next but even the shreds of paper now littering the ground like snow didn't quench the rage inside of her.

Staggering to the house, she threw open the door waiting at the threshold as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. With her chest heaving, she entered pushing the oil lantern off the table by the bed and shattering it underfoot. At the shelves in the kitchen, she casually tossed the blue and white dishes onto the ground, cutting herself in the process as she looked for a set of matches. Next she moved to the mantle, glass crunching with every step but she never noticed. Blood soaked her sleeve but Abby paid it no mind. Finally her fingers closed over the sought after matches and she turned back towards the door and the waiting pile of papers in the yard.

A strange eerie calmness took over as she lit the fire. At first the flame was a little spurt licking at the edges of the flammable material and then it was growing higher and higher. Abby felt strangely exhilarated as if she was watching Michaela burn. If only it was this easy to erase her from Sully's mind. Those thoughts stirred her up once again and she looked down. The once perfect dress was in ruins- smeared now with blood and sweat. The edge had caught on a nail near the door, tearing a hole in the side. The cut on the top of her hand was still trickling blood and she stood silently watching it for a moment. Just as the day she was washing dishes and cut herself, Abby felt something inside change. There were no words to express it but somehow the rage and sadness ebbed with the blood.

Within a moment she entered the barn and found the knife Sully used to skin animals. She carried it back outside watching the blade glistening brightly in the moonlight. With the tip she tore the sleeve of her dress, scratching her skin superficially in the process. How odd it was that something that should cause pain actually made her feel as if she was healing? She set about her work haphazardly, each fresh cut hurting and healing at the same time. There was no sanity anymore only a hazy world of shadows into which she was trying her best to escape.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - August 15, 1860**

The bad feeling in the pit of Michaela's stomach only grew as the minutes passed. She cast furtive glances at Sully which would reassure her momentarily but not enough to actually ease her discomfort. Already people were gathering making plans of where to look for Abigail. Sully voiced that he thought this was a bit premature. She might simply be at the homestead or having ridden out to Daniel and Sarah's to see him. Strange looks followed those statements, folks wondering why he hadn't seen her this morning until he explained that he was up early taking care of some things in town.

Quickly matters were decided and while the blacksmith and another man agreed to ride out to Daniel and Sarah's place, Loren assumed Sully would ride out to the new homestead with him. Knowing that Sully didn't ride, he decided to take the wagon which gave Michaela and Sully a few minutes while the horses were hitched up. With his eyes, he indicated that she should go in the boarding house and moments later he followed her.

"I don't have a good feeling about this," she whispered as they stood close together in the panty just off the kitchen.

"Don't worry. Abigail is like this, Michaela. I'm sure she is simply trying to do something so that I'll marry her." He looked down into the flecked mismatched eyes and could see the upset. Taking her hand in his, he gave a quick squeeze. "Really there is no need to worry."

Michaela's forehead creased in consternation. "Why do you do that?" she whispered staring up at him suddenly with a look that frightened them both.

"Do what?" he asked as he felt her fingers go rigid under his.

"Dismiss my fears so easily." For the first time, she was able to put words to one of the things that had driven the wedge between them and it reminded her they still had so much to talk about and work through.

"'Cause you're bein' just like the men outside. We don't know that anything is wrong. I'm tellin' ya Michaela she pulls this kind of thing all the time." With that Sully pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her back. For a brief moment, Michaela stiffened under his touch but then relaxed, reminding herself that this wasn't the time or the place to start such conversations.

"I hope you're right," she whispered wanting to believe that Sully knew what he was talking about but she couldn't dismiss the bad feeling.

"I am," he assured, as he unwillingly let go of her. Michaela put on a brave smile as she turned her face up to him. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with ya."

Michaela nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Lowering his head, Sully placed a kiss to her forehead to reassure her. With a deep sigh, he stepped out of the pantry hoping he had a chance to yell at Abigail once she was located. It was just like her to upset everyone and have the whole town chasing after her.

They parted on the porch of the boarding house, where the Cooper family already stood with Loren. Colleen instantly moved over to grip Michaela's fingers, popping a thumb into her mouth as even she could feel the tension in the air. Watching as Sully climbed up beside Loren, Michaela tried to swallow down the sour bile that continued to churn in her stomach. With Brian held securely in one hand, Charlotte laid her other hand against Michaela's back. She, unlike Sully, shared Michaela's concern. The anguish playing out on the young woman's face was creating guilt deep inside. The secrets she carried about the birth of Hannah were now beginning to eat at her and she somehow knew that today would be a day of reckoning.

* * *

The ride out to the homestead was uncomfortable for Sully especially. Loren obviously didn't know that he had called off the wedding the night before. This only served to make Sully even more upset with the still missing Abigail. While Sully was certain this was a stunt of Abigail' invention meant to bring her into the spotlight, Loren worried that something had really happened to his daughter. He couldn't imagine why she would run off by herself the day before the wedding and he silently prayed over and over again that they would find her safe and sound.

Neither man was prepared for the scene they encountered at the homestead. The still smoldering remains of a fire sent up a thin sheet of smoke as both men hopped from the wagon. The pale lifeless form of Abigail was a few feet away, blood stains and smears dotting her dress. Loren knelt over his baby, tears already forming in his eyes. "Abby," he cried out. "Abby, who did this to you?" His eyes followed the ripped portions of her dress and the superficial cuts up and down her arms.

The knife was lying nearby and though Sully had yet to put all the pieces together, he was level headed enough to realize that the wounds were self inflicted. He turned to look at the dying embers and realized that she'd burned his box of things from Boston. A corner of a letter with Michaela's handwriting remained. The metal key that she'd given him so long ago – the ribbon was now ash blowing in the wind but the metal remained intact. The strange thing was he'd considered doing the same thing the night before – burning it all as if doing so would exorcise her from his memory. How ironic that Abigail did it instead.

"Sully," Loren called, a desperate hope in his voice. "I think she's still alive."

Quickly Sully returned to Loren's side and sure enough he could see from the angle that she was in fact still breathing. "Let's get her back to town."

"No, we got to take her to Denver," Loren protested. "We'll ride out down by the Gentry place and meet up with the main road towards Denver. You go get some towels and other supplies so we can stop the bleeding and try and keep her comfortable."

"Loren, Michaela's a doctor. If we take her back to town, she'll help her."

The older man was hesitant to accept the suggestion but knowing that the ride to Denver would take most of the day, he finally acquiesced. It was hard for him to accept that Michaela was a true medical doctor but if she could in fact help then he would be grateful. Gently they placed Abby in the bed of the wagon. Loren climbed back there with her, leaving Sully to drive them back to town. He spoke comfortingly to her the entire way, his words carrying to Sully who couldn't help but feel a little responsible for her state. Still Loren persisted in saying things like "We'll get whoever did this to you," and Sully couldn't help but wonder if Loren would ever accept that she'd done this to herself.

* * *

**Boston – August 15, 1860**

Lying in the middle of the large four poster bed and staring at the ceiling of her parent's bedroom was Elise with her red hair spread out around her. She'd taken to joining her mother in the mornings, glad to be out from under the watchful eye of their nanny. Her mother was in the bath behind a screen set up in a corner of the room as the young child reviewed the events of the night before in her mind. For a seven year old she was rather an intelligent and perceptive child. She wasn't sure when she first figured out that is was her Father who left the bruises all over her mother but now it seemed second nature. Due to the simple fact that it was common occurrence many children would have simply thought that it was normal but Elise knew better. She was a keen observer of people and she knew that something was wrong with her mother and father, more specifically her father.

Other husbands spoke tenderly towards their wives at least when they thought no one was looking. That was true of her Aunt Rebecca's husband and of her Aunt Maureen's husband, although Maureen wasn't usually very tender with him in turn. Her aunts and cousins made up her universe of people she knew, kept very much a prisoner at home like her mother. Yet there was one man she knew who wasn't a family member. She'd seen him again at the party last night, leaving her mother's side to go and talk to him.

His name was Dr. Burke but he let Elise call him William. This was remarkable to a seven year old, when adults were sir and mam with no exceptions. The doctor even asked her to dance, whirling her around the floor much like Elise saw other fathers doing with their daughters at the party. It was a wonderful night for her, though it had ended with a confrontation between her parents. As always she'd simply buried her head under her pillows until the yelling subsided. Once William had come to their house to check on her mama and she remembered how he had laid his hand against her back. Elise could tell that he loved her mama and she thought that he wouldn't beat on her mama like her father did.

"Mama," she called from the bed.

"What is it Elise?" Marjorie's voice sounded tired and worn.

"I think William should be our papa. He would be a good papa for us."

The sound of water moving let Elise know her mother was rising from the bath. In a moment her mother appeared from behind the screen, her body wrapped in a robe. "Don't be silly Elise. You can't change who your father is."

Turning onto her side, the little girl propped her head up on her arm and looked quizzically over at her mother. "But William would never hit you like father does."

Marjorie was used to Elise's frank comments and the words didn't faze her as they once had. "You don't know that," she whispered, lying to herself once again about the possibility of a better life than the one she knew. "And you should refer to him as Dr. Burke. It isn't proper for children to run around calling adults by their first name."

"He told me I could," she protested. Marjorie sat on the bed next to her daughter and laid a hand on her stomach. A small smile was perched on her lips. Elise sat up and touched the smile. "You're pretty when you smile mama. William…. I mean Dr. Burke thinks so too."

Marjorie shook her head and sighed deeply. "I'm already married to your father"

"You can't unmarry him?"

"It's not…" She hesitated unsure whether to explain to her daughter the inner workings of a legal system that was designed to keep women enslaved. "No darling I can't."

"Can father unmarry you?" Her mother's eyes widened in surprise as Elise spoke. "I heard him say that he could leave you and take us with him."

"I will never let him take you," Marjorie whispered pulling her daughter close and placing a kiss to the crown of red hair. "That's why I can't ever leave him," she added holding her daughter so tightly that Elise was having a hard time breathing.

* * *

**Boston, 1862**

William stopped briefly outside the door of the exam room and lifted his hands out to his side, feeling the stretch in his back. The day seemed like one endless stream of patients and the dull pounding in his head was only getting stronger. He normally relished his doctoral duties but today his mind was elsewhere. Pulling his pocket watch out of his inner pocket, he checked the time once again. The court case was probably over and decided now but William had no way of knowing. He hated having to be separate from Marjorie but he knew his presence would not be looked kindly on either by Elizabeth Quinn or Everett's attorneys.

His name was already too publicized in regards to the proceedings. While it was true that Marjorie and he had kept their relationship completely professional after that day in her recovery room, he couldn't deny the feelings that rose up in his chest whenever he saw her or those precious children. To think that monster might actually be granted custody of them was beyond him and once again he had to erase thoughts of violence against Everett out of his mind. Looking down at his hands, he couldn't help but wonder how hands that normally healed could inflict damage to another human being but he knew it was possible.

"Dr. Burke," his nurse called from somewhere behind him.

"I'm on my way to exam room three now," William called back already resuming his stoic walk down the hall.

"No, Dr. Burke, it's not that."

William turned quickly, a look of expectation on his face as he considered the possibility that Marjorie had sent word. "Has a telegram come? A message that needs my attention?"

The nurse scowled and gave a little shake of her head at the normally attentive doctor's odd mood. "No there is a patient in exam room one. She said it was urgent that she see you."

"Alright," he agreed with a sigh already moving in the opposite direction. Exam room one was around a bend in the hall and as he maneuvered it he thought of simply walking out – claiming to be ill in order to leave but his honesty and sense of duty pushed him forward.

As he opened the door, he cocked his head to the side at the sight that met him. Quickly he shut himself in with the patient, smiling widely. "Marjorie?"

"I'm sorry to bother you at work William." She looked down tentatively, unsure if she should have come at all. While it was true that she knew William harbored feelings for her, she wasn't certain how he would react to her presence. "I just wanted to tell you in person… to let you know…"

William was at her side in an instant taking her small hand in his own. "What is it Marjorie?" he asked reaching up to rub a tendril of her hair between the thumb and forefinger of his other hand.

A smile spread over her face rapidly, his touches reassuring any doubts she possessed. "I am a divorced woman," she said with more joy than she ever thought those words would bring.

"The children?" The smile on her face gave it away as his arms closed around her. "Oh Marjorie," he whispered against her ear, pressing her face close to his chest. He pulled back to see her better. "Are the children alright? Do they understand? Are they happy?"

Marjorie laughed. "One question at a time," she chastised. "The children are fine. I am not sure they all understand but that's probably for the best. I never realized what I was doing to them by staying there…" Her voice trailed off as she fell once again into a self hatred for putting her children through such hell.

William wiped at a stray tear as it fell down her cheek. "Don't think bad thoughts," he whispered. Marjorie nodded weakly and forced a little grin. "Promise me."

"I promise," she returned. They stood still simply letting the euphoria sweep over them. William felt as if he was beginning the rest of his life on this day but Marjorie was less sure of their future together. "Do you know what Elise asked me this morning?" she asked grinning as she thought of her daughter's curiosity.

"What?"

"If you would be her new father."

William raised his eyebrows at her words, uncertain what to say. He knew that Marjorie was delicate but he couldn't deny that he had entertained similar thoughts. "And what did you tell her?"

Marjorie turned her face down, her cheeks instantly growing red. "I told her I wasn't ready to marry again so soon." Her voice was quiet so that William had to strain to hear her but he wasn't disquieted by her words.

"Of course," he whispered. "Of course you'll need time and space." Pressing his thumbs under her chin, he succeeded in raising her face so that he could look on her fully. "I'm here though when you're ready."

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 15, 1860**

Charlotte tried to keep Michaela busy after Sully left. She set her first to the task of making the biscuits but it soon became obvious that Michaela had little experience in the kitchen. "You never made biscuits before?" Charlotte asked after Michaela's fifth question of what to do next.

"We have servants in Boston," Michaela explained. "When I was younger I would help at my grandmother's house but Ida always said that I didn't have much talent for domestic duties."

Charlotte snickered at the statement thinking it couldn't be more true. "How 'bout you help Colleen shell the beans?"

Michaela looked over at the blond haired girl seated across from her and gave a little nod. She felt a little silly to be given the same task as such a young child but she knew that experience wise they were probably on the same level. Soon she was shelling the peas along with her small friend, opening each pod and dumping the little green balls into a bowl. While the task occupied her hands it left too much free time for her mind which filled with various thoughts. One moment she would be happy focused on a future spent with Sully. Yet she knew there were still many obstacles to overcome and Abby's unexpected disappearance was only one of many. It had become obvious standing in the pantry this morning that they were very much the same two people and if neither changed they would simply face the same problems as before.

"Ya alright?" Charlotte asked Michaela watching the lines of the young woman's face deepen with each moment.

"I'm fine," she lied turning her head down so that her eyes were hidden.

Just then the back door flew open and Matthew came running into their house. "Ma! Ma!" he exclaimed. "They're back with Miss Abby and she's hurt real bad."

Michaela felt her stomach clench but she rose from the table regardless, assuming her doctor's demeanor. All personal feelings would have to be put aside for now. Taking the stairs two at a time, she retrieved her medical bag from her room and joined the growing commotion on the street.

"Bring her into the barber shop," Jake was saying somewhere in the crowd as Michaela fought her way through. She wasn't prepared for the scene that greeted her eyes though when she finally made it to the wagon.

Sully found her and wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulder, leaning low to speak in her ear. "She did this to herself but she's still alive."

"Get her into the mercantile," she barked out to the men who were ready to assist in whatever way they could.

Jake looked over at the small framed doctor, his eyes narrowing. The men who cradled her body in their hands looked from one to the other. "Where do ya want us to go?"

"I said the barber shop!" Jake's voice pinged off the surrounding bodies, noise falling to a minimum in the crowd. The challenge from the woman in front of him made him temporarily angry enough to forget all about his own feelings of love and hatred for Abby.

Michaela opened her mouth to protest but found she didn't need to. "Take her to the mercantile," Loren directed the men quietly.

"Loren?" Jake looked at the older man questioningly. "I got to sew up those wounds."

"Jake, she's a doctor," he said pointing over to Michaela who was already following behind the body.

Murmurs went through the crowd and a few men laughed at the announcement. "So ya'd rather have a lady doctor treat Abby?"

Loren's cheeks reddened with Jake's question but he pushed all pride aside for the sake of his little girl. "Yes," he simply replied and with that he turned jogging to catch up with the procession already in progress.

After having insisted that the family leave, it didn't take Michaela long to assess the situation. The young woman was unresponsive to any verbal stimuli, her pulse weak and her breathing shallow. Most of the wounds that were readily visible were superficial and already scabbed over. This confused Michaela at first until she dug a little deeper. When she turned Abby's arm over she noticed the deep cut going down her arm, following almost perfectly the course of the vein. It was deep, too deep but Michaela still didn't think this was enough to put her in this state so close to death. Pulling up her dress she noticed the brown and red stains on her petticoats as well as the knife tears in her pantaloons. That was when she discovered the culprit. Abby had unknowingly cut into the femoral artery which ran the length of her leg. It was more superficial than the deep femoral artery but still a substantial cut that caused major blood loss.

Michaela shuttered as Sully's words rang in her ear once more. "She did this to herself." How could anyone do this she wondered, but knew that precious moments could not be lost in speculative guesses. Quickly, she set to work suturing the deep wounds and then cleaning up the other areas as best as she could. Taking Abby's wrist in hers she felt for a pulse once again shaking her head at the weak thump beneath her fingers.

The young woman needed a blood transfusion if she had any chance of living. Michaela had none of the necessary tools for such a procedure. They would need to take her to Denver. Opening the door of Abby's bedroom she looked out into the hall at the grief ridden faces of her parents.

"How is she?" Maude asked anxiously clutching for Michaela's hand.

"Not well. She's lost too much blood."

"Is she going to die?" The look on Loren's face was one of horror as he considered the possibility anew.

"Honestly, I don't know," Michael admitted. "She's very weak. Her best chance to live is a blood transfusion but she'll have to be taken to Denver for that… I don't have any of the necessary supplies."

"I'll get the wagon ready," Loren said quickly springing into action.

Maude looked up at the doctor and Michaela instantly knew what she was asking. "I need your help changing her into another dress," Michaela explained shakily. "And I'm sure you'd like to see her."

With a nod the older woman looked over at Sully. "Do you want to go in before we change her?" she offered.

The words echoed in the hall and in Sully's head. He had no desire to see her again, guilt and anger filling him. Swallowing hard, he shook his head and turned towards the window as he spoke. "No Maude, ya go on."

Michaela moved over beside him as soon as Maude shut the bedroom door. She wanted to pull him into her embrace but knew they needed to be careful. Instead she reached for his hand and gave it a light squeeze. Sully instinctively moved towards her and let go of her hand to pull her into his embrace, needing to feel her warmth against him.

"No," she cautioned shying away. "Someone might see."

Sully stiffened instantaneously, years of hiding their relationship flashing before his eyes. Logically, he knew she wasn't pushing him away but that was how it felt. He was so tired of hiding from the truth of who he was. "Back to that, are we?" he whispered laying his head against the pane of glass that he now faced.

"Oh Sully, I didn't mean it like that." Her voice was heavy with sorrow and compassion. "We just need to be careful… they don't know and telling them right now would only be like pouring salt on their wounds."

He knew she was right but it didn't take away the rejection he felt. Things were happening too quickly. The world was spinning out of control and he was powerless to change anything about it. The reality of his love for Michaela so long repressed was staggering now that he had unleashed it once again. At the same time the life he had become accustomed to, the life he accepted only because Michaela rejected him no longer existed. Everything felt shattered as if he could never put the pieces together again.

"Michaela?" The voice was Maude's and it was frantic. Quickly Michaela flew into the room, her eyes going from the pale form of Abby to her mother and back again. "I don't think she's breathin'," Maude managed to say before the doctor pushed her out of the way.

"Wait outside," Michaela said forcefully only because she recognized the direness of the situation. The older woman moved reluctantly towards the door but Sully helped to usher her out. Maude was always so kind to him that he hurt simply because she was hurting. He wanted to protect her from whatever Michaela had to do to Abigail now.

"Maude?" It was Loren's voice coming from the end of the hall. "The wagon's ready."

"She's gone," the older woman called out from within Sully's arms.

Loren stopped and gripped the side of the wall. "No it ain't true," he whispered. "It can't be true."

On the other side of the door, Michaela was dealing with the same reality. She took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart. This wasn't the first time she had to tell someone that a loved one had died but this was different. Tears were building in her eyes and she hastily wiped at them vowing not to cry yet. What this would mean for her and Sully was intricately bound up in this whole horrible nightmare. Wiping her hands on her apron, she stepped from the room as three anxious faces stared up at her.

"I'm so sorry," she said, her voice wavering.

"She's gone?" Maude asked to confirm her own fears as her face contorted with grief. Michaela simply nodded.

"It can't be," Loren repeated still in a state of shock. "I need to see her. I need to see my baby."

"Of course." Michaela moved to the side of the door, her eyes alighting on Sully.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered once they were alone in the hall. She moved to stand beside him wrapping her arm around his shoulder, the fear from earlier completely eased with this turn of events. Guilt descended upon her now, spreading like wildfire. "I should never have come."

"No," Sully said with a shake of his head. "This is my fault," Sully cried laying his head against her. "This is all my fault."

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Sorry this chapter took so long in coming – I was a little blocked for the past few days but I seem to be over it now. _

_At risk of sounding like a Public Service Announcement or Afterschool Special… This chapter depicts self mutilation also known in today's terminology as cutting. It has only recently been recognized and publicized though self mutilation is an old practice that can be found throughout history. Often times it is associated with religion but the reason behind it is very much the same then as today – to rid oneself of shame, guilt and anger. Today it is seen most often in people who were victims of sexual violence/abuse especially as children. If you cut or know someone who does, please get help today. I can recommend some great books to read but more importantly you need caring support and help as you recover. I am not sure what I am allowed to post here so I won't put up the names of organizations but I know of several and I am only a pm away. _


	120. Chapter 120

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty**

**Outside of St. Louis – August 19, 1860**

"Miss. Miss," the conductor called waving his hand in front of Michaela's face.

Quickly jerking her head upwards, Michaela awoke from her thoughts. "Yes?" she said looking up in confusion.

"Your ticket, miss. I need your ticket."

"Oh right." Michaela grasped her handbag and rummaged through it until she found the needed item. The color of her cheeks deepened as she handed him the ticket.

"All the way through to Boston, huh?" His eyes never left her face, wondering what sadness marred her beautiful features.

"Yes," she whispered dropping her head quickly to avoid further conversation. The conductor punched the ticket and quickly handed it back to her sensing her desire to be left alone.

At the sound of the compartment door closing, she looked out the window again to see the buildings of the city fading away but she knew that they would only be replaced by another city soon. Praying that sleep would take her into its soothing arms, she stretched out on the velvet seat, her head resting on her arm. Her mind whirled with thoughts of what went wrong and she desperately searched for her mistake, even though she knew it was too late to fix it now.

For three days she relived the nightmare over and over, but not by choice. When she closed her eyes it came again. When she looked at strangers, she thought she saw Abigail and sometimes Sully. Sully…

Going back to the beginning, she let herself remember again. They were outside Abby's door, just the two of them. Maude and Loren were still inside with their daughter's body. Sully was anxious and jumpy, needing to walk off the emotion that was crowding his mind. They went to the meadow over by the church and Michaela stood stoically at his side, waiting and needing to be there for him. She had no idea how much time passed before he spoke again but eventually he did. The words weren't what she expected though.

Pulling her close, he held her to his chest and kissed the crown of her head. Michaela tensed worrying that someone might witness the exchange but she didn't pull away. Sully didn't seem to notice her unease as he dropped his mouth to her ear. "Let's go away together," he whispered.

"We will," she replied lovingly. "After all this is settled."

"Let's go now." Thinking he was simply in shock, Michaela remained quiet but Sully pressed on. "Where should we go? Virginia City… San Francisco… let's just go." He pulled away from her and took her by the hand as if to start off across the meadow.

Michaela pulled back on him, not realizing just how much emotional distress he was under. "Sully we have to stay until after the funeral." Her words were gentle but the look in Sully's eyes was as if she had just struck him across the face. "I promise you after that I'll go to Boston to pack my things and then we can go anywhere you want."

He stiffened at the word Boston and then pulled away completely by the end of her statement. Turning his back on her, he moved to stand silently at the edge of the tree line. Boston would keep her; it would never relinquish its grip. Turning towards her, he began to speak, his words an impassioned plea. "Don't go back to Boston."

"I have to but it will only be to get my things. I promise Sully." She reached out for him as she spoke, wanting to take his hand in hers again but he simply turned away. Michaela watched him, wondering what he was thinking. Certainly he couldn't simply expect her to take off and leave her family without so much as an explanation.

While she still considered what to do, Sully turned back around. "Why did you break it off?" he asked, his eyes searching hers for a year of answers he had only guessed at.

"Sully?" She hadn't understood what he was asking at first.

"Why did ya call off our engagement?"

Michaela took a deep breath trying to sort her thoughts. It was a fair question, she knew and it deserved an honest answer. This was what they needed to talk about; to sort out and then true healing could begin. So she had told him everything - her doubts about Colorado, her fears that stemmed from Miriam's dilemma and Marjorie's crumbling marriage, her reservations that she could be a doctor as well as a wife and mother, her father's relentless tactics and then the money. He was Josef's heir but only as long as he wasn't married to her.

"You gave up so much for me Sully. I couldn't ask you to give up anything else."

"I don't care about money," he said sadly wondering how Michaela could know him so little. He missed the meaning behind the money though. She knew he wouldn't choose money over her but was she worthy of so great a sacrifice.

Sully rose then and pulled her into his arms but something was different about his touch. At the time, Michaela convinced herself it was simply all that had happened that morning but now she realized something changed between them in that meadow. Whether it was her refusal to leave right then or the reasons behind the break up, she wasn't sure but it was the moment when nothing would be the same. The look of love that normally occupied his ocean blue eyes turned to despondence as the color changed to an inky gray. She had clung to hope in the time that followed but now she was certain that the first conversation was what broke something that could never be fixed.

Shifting against the velvet cushion of the train, she let out a deep sigh and longed for the tears that would speak of the turmiol she felt inside. They never came. Her body was numb with pain, too numb to cry or even scream. Exhaustion mixed with guilt weighed heavily on her and shutting her eyes firmly, she lifted her voice to heaven begging God to allow her to sleep. Somewhere outside of St. Louis, under a star filled sky her request was granted. Slumber came but with it dreams of what could have been.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 19, 1860**

On the same morning, back in Colorado, Sully faced his own demons as he attended Abigail's funeral. A pale gray light spilled over the landscape, the sky matching the moods of those gathered around the grave. They should have been attending a wedding but instead it was a funeral. They should have been throwing rice on a pair of newlyweds but instead they watched as the preacher dropped a handful of dirt onto the plain wood coffin. Sully's eyes were focused on the small cross off to the right. He couldn't see the name from here but he knew what it said and it only increased the guilt he felt inside.

It was over. It was all over. People were streaming from the graveside, headed back to their own lives to try to chase away the sadness of the day. Only Loren and Maude stood beside him, their heads bowed in grief. He looked at them intently as a fresh stab of guilt struck his heart. This was his fault. All of this was his fault and they didn't even know it. If it wasn't for him, they would still have their daughter beside them.

Loren looked up to see Sully's tear stained face gazing into this own. The older man reached out to touch his shoulder comfortingly. "She loved you Sully. I know this is hard but remember that she loved you. We'll get whoever did this to her." As he spoke, Loren broke down anew, tears splashing haphazardly down his face. Again the guilt coursed through Sully's body. She had loved him. Was that true? He supposed it was. Abby loved him as much as she was capable of love. He swallowed hard thinking about Lorne's self delusion, still failing to accept that Abby took her own life. His chest heaved with the thought of what he had done. Of what his foolishness had done.

Maude sensed the anger rising up in Sully and moved to stand beside him. "It's okay to be angry with God," she whispered her own hand seeking Sully's. Angry at God. The thought ran through Sully's brain. Was he angry at God? He had spent the past few days cursing God but somehow he knew that wasn't right. If he was angry, that anger was misplaced. He had no one to blame but himself for the events of the last week. He had enacted the plan and carried it out. He had said the hurtful words.

Everything was gone now- everything. There was no reason to live, no reason to carry on. Everyone had left him - his father, his mother, Abigail…. Michaela. The image of her face crossed through his mind and he suddenly jerked away from Maude. Turning his face to the sky he screamed out in rage. Quickly, he began to run trying to escape the pain and the guilt that hunted him down. Without direction or purpose he ran. Without memory or remembrance he ran. It was not fast enough. It would never be fast enough. He could not escape. Throwing his body down on the forest floor, he allowed himself to be caught. There would be no more fighting. It was over- he had given up.

Deep exhaustion took over, delusions haunting him as he curled onto his side. There were moments of waking reality, he felt the rain falling on his body but had no desire to stop it. He lived for hours or perhaps it was days in a hazy fog of images that haunted him.

Then there were hands. Deep caring hands, tanned by the sun. There was a softness enveloping him and covering him. Words spoken in an ancient language, chanting him to a place where he rested peacefully. For close to a week, he remained in this state of semi-consciousness unaware of the identity of the shadowy figures moving over him. When he finally did awake, he found himself enclosed in a strange dwelling with a strong sweet smell filling the air.

"Pevevoona'o," came a deep voice from somewhere on his left.

Sully turned quickly, squinting into the darkness to make out the person who spoke the strange words. "Where am I?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

Moving into the light so that the stranger could see him, Cloud Dancing spoke. "Emaome." Then in perfect English, "You are in a sweat lodge."

When Sully realized that the man speaking was an Indian, he tensed. While he had seen the Cheyenne around, never had he been so close to one. There was something about the man's demeanor that was soothing though and Sully felt his muscles relax. "Who are you?"

"Vo'e soo'e." Sully stared blankly at him. "Cloud Dancing. What is your name?"

He opened his mouth to speak but suddenly his body was racked by a violent cough and he turned to the side feeling as if he would be sick. When he finished he moved back to his side, trying hard to catch his breath. "Sully," he whispered.

"Lay back down my brother. You are weak." Sully complied but his eyes remained riveted to this stranger who obviously was taking care of him. "Your dreams have been troubled."

The way he spoke Sully wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. "I don't remember," Sully whispered the images from nightmares already filling his mind.

"You don't want to remember," Cloud Dancing amended. "But it is in remembering that we find healing. Tell me your dreams." He knew the man before him was weak but he also knew that the sickness that racked his body had more to do with emotional trauma than physical.

"It ain't just dreams," Sully protested and then clamped his mouth shut. Why was he talking to this man, this stranger? The Indian moved and Sully watched him intently. Sprinkling some substance on the rocks in the center of the lodge, Sully felt the steam on his face while he continued to breathe in the sweet aroma. "What I dream really happened."

Cloud Dancing nodded, his eyes looking past Sully's face right into his soul. Sully felt as if he was going backwards, time standing still as he flew into the recent past, not knowing that he would eventually tell Cloud Dancing everything. Sully closed his eyes and pressed a hand to his cheek. "Tell me what you see."

"I love her so much," he whispered into the darkness of the dwelling. "But it hurts. She hurt me. She's telling me… trying to explain." Again a violent spurt of coughing came and Sully sat up slightly until it had ended.

As if nothing had occurred Cloud Dancing asked the next pointed question. "What is she saying?"

Stepping backward in time, he was in her room at the boarding house. Despair took over and he lay across her bed, crying hard though he wasn't sure why. His heart ached for something that he'd lost and it had little to do with Abby's death.

Looking up at her, he could feel her emotions. They weren't hidden but rather playing across her face. He spoke what he saw to the medicine man, in a clarity he felt he never possessed before. "Her heart was breaking. I know because mine was too. She moved towards me and I knew what she would say now. I could tell she still held onto a past dream. I wanted to hold onto it too." He stopped speaking and took in the now soothing darkness. The only sounds were the occasional hissing of the rocks and then this Cloud Dancing's soft breathing.

"That is not all," his warm rich voice spoke. "Tell me what you see." The hissing sound again and Sully breathed the steam in deeply.

"She was the one who pushed me away but now she said she couldn't imagine her life without me." He watched in his vision as she gently sat down on the edge of the bed and began to caress his cheek, wiping the hair back from his face.

It was the feel of her fingertips on his skin that caused him to react. Michaela continued her gentle motions even as he spoke. "Michaela, ya don't have to," he said, his voice dead of all emotion.

"Sully I want to. You were right; I have never stopped loving you. It's killing me to see you in so much pain. I never should have pushed you away."

Those words cut through Sully like a hot knife searing his flesh and ripping it from the bone. A year's worth of pain could not be erased with simple words. Abby's life could not be regained by an apology. Quickly he sat up, pushing his way past Michaela to get off the bed. He felt her hand grip his arm but he pulled away. "Don't!" he shouted.

"Sully, don't push me away! I love you. I want to help you get through this. We'll get through it together."

"Ya love me?" he said sarcastically. "That's only about a year too late!"

"Sully, I know you're upset but please don't.." Michaela felt confused; it was as if the night before had never occurred.

"Stop it, Michaela! Just stop it! I don't want to hear anymore. Do you know what I have been going through for the past year? Do ya even care? Ya tell me that ya can't be with me anymore as my train's leaving. Ya press the engagement ring into my hand and tell

me good-bye. I was beggin' ya Michaela – beggin' ya not to do it!"

"Sully it killed me to do that to you. I never wanted to hurt you but I thought it was for the best," Michaela's voice was barely louder than a whisper as tears filled her eyes. "I told you this morning why I doubted us. Not us," she whispered softly amending her previous statement. "Why I doubted myself."

Sully felt his heart soften as he observed her. He knew she was telling the truth but he was so angry. So angry for what she had done to him and so angry that their dream was crashing and burning around him. Pushing the love he still held for her into some recess of his heart, he embraced that anger and directed it at Michaela. "For the best! Ya think that ripping my heart out was for the best! What's wrong with ya?"

"Sully, I already told you. I couldn't see any other way," she returned as tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks.

"Leave me the hell alone! Go back to Boston – to your rich father! You've robbed me of everything in my life – no father, no mother, no wife! Get out of my presence – you make me sick!" Sully grabbed Michaela by the shoulder planning to shove her towards the door. Michaela quickly reacted to his words and the forceful hand that gripped her shoulder. Raising her right hand in one fluid motion she slapped him hard across the face.

Whether he had actually spoken this scene aloud, he now wasn't sure but he paused to raise his hand to his cheek. The sting of her fingers against his flesh could still be felt. Pressing his hand to the area, he breathed in and out slowly. Feeling something being pressed to his lips, Sully finally opened his eyes. He drank of the cool liquid letting it run down his throat to his parched innards.

"Go on," Cloud Dancing encouraged once again knowing that sharing the pain was the first part of healing. As if his words were magic Sully once again entered the cloudy world reliving the last moments he spent with her.

After the slap, there was a brief moment when all pretension fell away and they clung to one another. It wasn't out of love but out of anguish, each knowing that this was it. Michaela continued to try and explain. "I was so confused. There was so much pressure. First Miriam and then Marjorie – I was afraid that marriage was a dead end; that you would change once a baby came along. And my father kept telling me you would, that I was too smart to waste my life as a wife. I wasn't sure I could do it Sully… I was so scared."

It didn't matter though, her words were useless now. For some reason when she told him about the will and the way in which Josef manipulated her, Sully felt something inside snap. She had given up on them because of such silly things yet she had never given him up. The letters continued as if to taunt him. Her presence here was what precipitated everything that had happened. It was only in that moment when the guilt of what Abby had done grew too great to bear that he responded to her, pushing the blame onto her shoulders as he couldn't carry anymore. "Michaela blame whoever ya want but it don't change the fact that ya pushed me away. It wasn't your father that did it and it wasn't Miriam or Marjorie. Ya did it – it was your choice in the end." Sully turned towards her now, the look in his eyes no longer angry, only hurt. "And in the end, I wasn't enough."

"You were, you were. I swear you were.. I mean you are. I've been so confused but I'm not now. Please Sully listen to me, please I know I've hurt you terribly. I'm so sorry."

Sully nodded as she grew quiet, his heart almost giving into the look in her eyes as he wavered between emotions. For the past year and a half he had longed to hear these words but now that she was actually saying them, it felt wrong. The tears did not move him as they once did. His heart was empty and his mind numb from too much emotion. "I know you are." His voice was gentle and sincere. "I'm almost… " The words got caught in his throat and he never finished the sentence. More spinning emotions made his head hurt and he reached for his temple shielding his eyes from the open window as he did so. "I'm sorry too," he whispered giving her one small ray of hope. Their eyes met and the hope disappeared. "It's too late now, Michaela. Nothin' ya do or say can take back the past – the words." They seemed burned indelibly upon his memory and even now her departure at the train station was playing in his mind, mocking him. "We can't get back what we lost."

"Don't say that," she whispered reaching for him as he moved away. Her hand caught the edge of his sleeve but it pulled through her fingers and she knew then that no amount of words was going to change his mind.

"It hurts too much." He placed his hand over his heart as he spoke. "I gotta stop this – somehow I gotta stop it." She could see the anger returning and she moved to the side as he pushed past her. "Ya ain't gonna hurt me again." With that he walked from the room and out of her life.

Silence enveloped the two figures in the sweat lodge but Cloud Dancing didn't speak. He waited on Sully at the spirit's direction. "I don't know where she is… she left. I don't know if she's alright."

"Do you want to know?" The question was piercing and painful.

"No," he lied longing for the sweet sleep that kept him from feeling.

"You can't run forever," Cloud Dancing said knowing that this first session was over. There was more to tell, much more but for now this was enough. If it hadn't been for the leading of the spirits he may not have taken this white man in. Certainly he was moved to compassion when he first saw him lying in the middle of the forest floor but he now understood that somehow their destinies were linked. Right now he would physically heal this man and then they would work on the emotional healing.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, 1864**

Ever since Sully first spoke of Michaela, Cloud Dancing had felt the urge to meet her. The reoccurring dreams that Sully had spoken of were the sign that she would come but to finally see her here with him filled the medicine man with awe. As a young brave he had come to trust the spirit's leading but it still amazed him when his visions came to life before his eyes. As sure as he was the first time he met Sully that this man would become his brother, he was just as certain that these two individuals belonged together.

He could see the torment in Sully's face and he knew that the initial meeting was not going well. Quickly, Michaela turned and moved back to her horse while Sully remained still his back to the teepees on the bank. Cloud Dancing set his face, willing Sully to go after her but when it became obvious he wouldn't, he moved himself. Meeting the doctor at her horse, he stopped her from mounting. "Dr. Quinn."

Michaela turned startled by his perfect English once again. "Yes?" she said avoiding his penetrating gaze.

"I am Cloud Dancing." He offered her his hand as he knew the white man was prone to do. "It is nice to finally meet you." The words struck a cord with Michaela and she finally raised her eyes. "He is upset?"

Michaela nodded and turned her head slightly to the side. "He has every right to be upset but if he would let me explain." Her words faded out as the hope she had clung to so tightly started to slip away.

"He will hear you out."

Shaking her head, Michaela turned back to him. "No I don't think he will."

With his eyes firmly set, he took her hand in his. "Sometimes our heart does not want to believe that our dreams have come true. He will hear you out."

The black eyes spoke to her soul and Michaela felt the sides of her mouth curl into a smile. She had no reason to believe this stranger but she did. There was something about him that was comforting, a silent confidence that spoke volumes. "Thank you," she whispered. Reaching up to her saddle bag she pulled out an envelope and handed it to the medicine man. "Would you give him this?"

"I will." He took the item from her and offered her his hand once more. "Nêstaévâhósevóomâtse." Michaela's eyes widened at the strange language. Cloud Dancing gave a nod of his head. "It means I will see you again later." He turned then and headed back to the camp but he left the doctor with hope that she would cling to until their next meeting.

* * *

**Boston – October 11, 1860**

Josef wasn't sure what to expect when Michaela returned from Colorado, yet he was optimistic that things had gone his way. When he first met her at the train station, he took the neutral look on her face and the non swollen eyes as a positive sign. What he quickly learned though was that the hurt little girl who left Boston returned hardened by some unexplained circumstances. She of course told them of Abby's death but they heard few details and none of the things that had transpired between her and Sully. She was cold and mechanical in her movements though not openly depressed like before. The only time she showed emotion was at the hospital with patients. This wasn't what Josef wanted and he found himself becoming more and more bitter with the whole situation.

It was Elizabeth who encouraged him to continue to talk to her. She could see that Michaela had raised a wall to keep herself from feeling too much ever again. Elizabeth had tried to get Michaela to confide in her but too many things distanced them and every conversation ended up in a hard silence. Still she watched her carefully, afraid of her fragile mental state. She was the only one aware of her new odd habits like sitting in the dark for hours or the long walks in the rain. Believing Michaela would eventually open up, she continued to prod Josef to be there for her in the way she believed she couldn't.

Course neither really knew what was going on inside of their daughter. Elizabeth would never understand how much Michaela yearned to be comforted in her mother's arms. She continued to shine as a doctor but the professional side of her was the only side even at home. Once in awhile Elizabeth would see the façade drop around her younger nieces and nephews and for a brief moment she would glimpse the girl so full of life that she couldn't be contained.

Josef likened her new demeanor to that of his mother's when she returned from Cambridge to Boston after his grandfather's death. As a matter of fact he saw Anna in her more and more everyday. Yet between Elizabeth's prodding and his own determination to heal whatever rift existed between them, he continued to try. One day his patience was rewarded. Maybe not as fully as he would have hoped but still she spoke about what transpired in Colorado in slightly less ambiguous terms. Rebecca was visiting without the children and between her and Josef they managed to coax it out of her. For close to an hour, she spoke of what had happened as Rebecca lovingly stroked her back, stopping her father whenever he tried to speak. When the emotion became too much for Michaela, she fled the room asking to be left alone for a bit. Josef felt truly guilty for the first time in awhile and with Rebecca's encouragement, he went to his daughter. She was in his office, curled up on the window seat and looking longingly into the deepening twilight.

"Michaela you know that I was only thinking of your future."

Michaela still continued to look out the picture window, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular. A few months ago she would have cried but not now. "Yes, I know," she whispered.

"I never should have let you go to Colorado – I truly believed you were over him. I am sorry that you were hurt." Josef stepped closer and put a hand on her shoulder.

Michaela nodded. "I wanted to believe so too," she whispered. "But it only made me question if I had made the right choice and then everything else…"

"You made the right choice Michaela. Look at Miriam; Robert isn't letting her practice medicine. Then of course there is Marjorie's predicament. Marriage and children would only be a distraction for you Michaela. You're too intelligent to waste your time changing diapers and cooking meals in some backwoods town."

Michaela nodded feeling that dull ache return to her heart. The hurt comforted her though – at least she wasn't numb anymore. "I suppose," she said listlessly hoping her father would soon stop talking as it was only making things worse.

"Consider my mother Michaela. Anna was meant for so much more – she was always so unhappy, tremendously unhappy because of her marriage. I don't know if you ever knew that."

"Do you really think she was?" Michaela turned to face him, the green of her eyes penetrating his steely gray.

Her question gave Josef pause. For once he truly considered his words before answering her. The words came out from some deep place and he instantly regretted uttering them. "I suppose it's easier to blame my father than to blame myself."

Michaela wrinkled her forehead trying to make sense of Josef's comment. "If you think Anna was unhappy because of you then your wrong father. She was unhappy because of Boston."

"I wish that was true," he whispered. "I wish that was true."

"It was true but you never took the time to know that." Her words were accusing and there was an edge to her voice. "She only wanted you and Teddy to love her, to respect her choices." Michaela sighed unhappily, realizing she had only ever wanted the same.

"I did love her," Josef protested his brow wrinkling in consternation.

"Like you love me father?" The words echoed in the office as Josef tried to make sense of what she meant. He was never given the chance though. In three long strides, Michaela was at the door, understanding for the first time the selfishness of her father.

* * *

**Boston – December 3, 1860**

"Post is here miss," Martha called out, knowing Elizabeth was waiting on replies to invitations she'd sent out to her yearly Christmas party. The swoosh of petticoats told the chambermaid that her employer was close. She held up the envelopes in one hand while making neat stacks of those addressed to Josef and Michaela on the entranceway table.

"Thanks Martha," Elizabeth said in good spirits mostly due to the delight she took in hosting the most talked about holiday party in Boston each year. The stack was smaller than she expected and she hastily glanced down at the letters addressed to her husband and daughter. Martha had already moved away from the table and so she didn't notice the sudden pale color of Elizabeth's skin as she considered the writing on the top letter.

It was addressed to Michaela and the return address was Colorado. For a few moments she stood there staring at the letter, contemplating what to do. Obviously it was from Sully, his handwriting still ingrained in her memory. She couldn't help but wonder if it was the first of such letters or if there had been others. Letting out a deep breath, she drummed her fingers against the envelope.

"Martha?"

The chambermaid was heading to the kitchen but at the sound of Elizabeth's voice she turned back around. "Yes?"

"This letter to Michaela… have there been others?"

A deep wrinkle formed in the middle of her forehead as she tried to understand what she was being asked. "Miss Michaela normally has several letters a week," she explained with a shrug of her shoulders.

"No I mean, has she received letters from Colorado like this one."

"Oh from Master Sully?"

Elizabeth winced at the name but nodded as she held her breath waiting for the answer. "No m'am, she hasn't."

With a wave of her hand, Elizabeth dismissed her and Martha knew that meant her employer was up to something. She didn't stay around to find out what though. She knew her place as a servant was not to be concerned with the actions of her employers and she kept to that.

Upon hearing that this was the first of such letters, Elizabeth held back no longer. Quickly she snatched up the letter and placed it on the bottom of her stack. Michaela was still not fully recovered from the trip in August and she couldn't imagine what turmoil this letter might cause. It was for the best that they not correspond and hopefully soon she would forget Sully. The doorbell rang at that moment waking her from her thoughts.

"I'll answer it," Elizabeth called as the scurry of feet started towards the door. Opening the ornate wooden door, she smiled widely at David Lewis who stood just outside.

"Mrs. Quinn?" he said with a little bow. "I hope I haven't come at a bad time."

"Of course not, Dr. Lewis. Please do come in."

David stepped through the front door and smiled, his eyes instantly going to the stairs as if to ask the question without words. "I came to call on Michaela, if she's here."

"Not yet but I expect her soon. Would you like to wait in Josef's office?"

"Yes I'll wait." Following the older woman across the foyer, he couldn't help but smile glad he finally got up the nerve to call on Michaela like he had wanted to for some time. He chose a leather seat near the fire and smiled up at Elizabeth who stood contemplating him most seriously.

Coming out of her trance, she gave David a warm smile. "Would you like some tea?"

"That would be nice."

Elizabeth gave a slight nod of her head and turned to leave the room. Yes it was fate that she intercepted the letter and that David Lewis was here as well. Both would help her daughter heal – of that she was certain.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!!!_


	121. Chapter 121

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-One**

**Colorado Springs – December 23, 1860**

Cloud Dancing stood back from the circle and watched. Black Kettle was telling a story to the Cheyenne children, the story of how the Cheyenne came to hunt the buffalo. Each child leaned forward slightly, their eyes riveted to their chief as he spoke the words of his grandfathers. Cloud Dancing did not watch the children though. His eyes were focused on a lone figure sitting just outside the circle of children. In imitation of the others, he sat on the ground with his legs crossed. He too listened intently to the Cheyenne elder, mouthing the words to himself as Black Kettle spoke. Sully's eyes were riveted to those of Black Kettle and though he kept his hands in his lap, Cloud Dancing could see that he too made the gestures.

Crossing his hands over his chest, Cloud Dancing smiled. He was proud of Sully's progress, both in learning about the Cheyenne and his own emotional journey to healing. When the medicine man first suggested that he learn with the children, he feared Sully might protest. Yet Sully didn't, the children being the first ones to accept him as part of the tribe for which Sully was grateful. He proved to be an eager pupil and in the three months he was with them, he had gained a good rudimentary understanding of the language. Only the day before, the elders had met to decide whether to allow him to stay on with the tribe. It was on Cloud Dancing's words that they decided he would be permitted to remain. The spirits clearly spoke that not only would they help Sully but Sully would help them.

The lesson began to break up for the day and Cloud Dancing stirred from his position, watching as the young ones spoke to Sully and he replied. They took to calling him White Ghost for he moved quietly in the woods as if given the gift of tracking. When Sully spotted him there, he smiled and headed towards the medicine man. The Indian clothing that Sully now wore suited him well and though the textures and fabrics were much different than what he was used to, he had come to love the feel of the soft buckskin. His hair was different too – much longer than it had ever been as it now hung shoulder length.

They greeted each other briefly, both glad for the brotherhood and camaraderie they had found with each other. "Walk with me," the medicine man said plainly and Sully nodded quickly falling in step.

The woods were changing now. When Sully came to live with the Cheyenne, the trees were green and vibrant. Yet now fallen leaves blanketed the forest floor, the signs of life completely absent and hidden away. The air changed too. The hot temperatures of summer faded into a mellow fall but now the biting winds of winter were beginning to appear especially in the night. "We will move to winter camp before the next full moon," Cloud Dancing informed him, wondering what the end of this conversation would bring.

"Yes I've heard the children talkin' about it." A silence settled between them as they continued to walk each man aware that a decision needed to be made concerning Sully's future.

"The elders have agreed that you may stay on." Sully nodded in response, knowing the ball was truly in his court now. "Did she respond to your letter?"

"No, though perhaps I should give it more time." There was a touch of hope in his voice but masked by the sadness. In reality, he knew that she didn't need more time but had simply refused to even read it most likely.

Cloud Dancing stopped suddenly and motioned for Sully to be still as well. Crouching down, he pointed to the thicket where a mother deer sat in front of her fawn. "Sometimes things don't happen as they should. This deer birthed her fawn late in the summer instead of in spring." Sully crouched with him listening intently, his eyes now focused on the animal. Sully quickly learned that Cloud Dancing rarely spoke directly but everything he said was important. "The fawn is not ready to be on its own when winter comes." He turned now to Sully, his eyes intense on the side of his face. "Are you ready to be on your own?"

"I don't know," Sully mumbled before truly considering the question. "Do you think I'm ready?"

Again the medicine man didn't speak for a moment, giving Sully a chance to consider his own question. Finally in a soft patient voice, he replied, "A man must know his own heart."

Dark despair felt like it was waiting to swallow Sully up as he considered Cloud Dancing's words. Did he know his own heart? Was he ready to be on his own again? For the past few months all he knew was the Cheyenne, their ways and customs. When he first walked back into town in Indian garb, people didn't seem to recognize him. He heard the whispers, felt the stares but it didn't matter to him what they thought. He was only there to mail a letter.

The letter… closing his eyes, he imagined her reading it. Would she cry? Was she missing him? It was only recently that he'd been able to accept his actions and realize that he still loved her despite the hurt in his heart. It was only after Cloud Dancing showed him the way through the guilt that he could see any of that though.

Did he know his own heart? What did he need more than anything? An answer from her? Again, he turned to face Cloud Dancing letting his eyes meet the black pools where he often found answers. "I don't know my own heart," he whispered. "Everything feels cloudy still."

Cloud Dancing nodded. "Your healing is not yet complete. When the spirits guided me to you, I saw a shattered man."

"And now?"

"A hurt child."

Sully nodded, the words not offending him in the least. Cloud Dancing was right, right as he always was. "Teach me to be a man." The request was spoken from the heart.

These were the words Cloud Dancing waited to hear and his heart rejoiced as Sully spoke them. "Come to winter camp."

The decision made, Sully relaxed. To have a family was a dream of his and though this family felt borrowed, he would take it.

* * *

**Boston- April 21, 1861**

Following her out of the office she had been allotted on the top floor of the hospital, David was determined to convince her to dine with him that evening. He matched his steps to her own and quickly overtook her near the stairs. "Michaela," he said stepping to her side and laying a hand across her arm.

"Oh David." She tried not to let her face reveal how she felt but it was hard to hide the displeasure, even though her voice remained cheerful. "I'm late," she whispered, hoping to be rid of him quickly.

"I'll walk with you then," he offered. Michaela gave a short nod and turned to continue on as David joined her on the stairs. "I'd like to take you to dinner tonight," he said deciding to be as direct as possible.

"I couldn't possibly," she explained. "I will be at the orphanage until well past dinner hour."

David felt the blow to his ego but resiliently bounced back. "I could come with you."

This left Michaela in a quandary. She had no desire for David to join her but another doctor would be helpful. The color of her cheeks heightened as the battle within her raged. "That would be most appreciated," she replied, her voice strained.

Smiling widely, David silently congratulated himself. "I'll need to stop by my office to get my bag."

"Of course." Michaela turned her head down in defeat, vowing to make the best of this visit in spite of his presence.

The ride over in the carriage was pleasant enough. They both felt rather passionately about the abolition of slavery and so when talk turned to the civil war, they found there was much agreement between the two of them. "Have you thought about going?" she asked knowing that several doctors at the hospital had joined the army to serve as medics.

"I have," he lied, thinking only of impressing her. "Though I don't think it will be a long war. The north has simply to block the harbors of the major cities in the South. We will cripple them."

Michaela raised her eyebrows doubtfully. "I don't think it will be a quick war by any means. Of course I wish that there was no war – that we could have found a peaceful way to resolve this." David chuckled patronizingly but Michaela ignored him, calling to the driver for him to stop.

Emerging from the carriage, David's eyes were wide as he took in the poverty around him but Michaela was rather immune to it by now and walked on quickly. In David's mind he had an idea of what a children's home should look like but when Michaela ducked into an alley, he abruptly stopped unsure whether to follow or not.

"Are you coming?" Michaela asked turning back to look at him.

"Down here? You come down here alone?"

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." Michaela turned around as she spoke, hiding the grin on her face.

David's cheeks reddened at her comment but he now was determined to show that he was the man. Quickening his pace, he overtook her reaching backwards to offer his hand which Michaela promptly ignored. Due to the fact that he was so determined to be in the lead, he almost missed the next turn as well. Michaela was ready to let him be lost in Boston's back alleys by now but knowing that he could encounter serious harm she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him along.

Finally they stopped in front of a door so smudged with filth and grim that the true color was obscured. Michaela knocked and then called out to announce herself. From the other side of the door, a jingle of keys sounded and then the lock turned. They were quickly bustled inside by a very round lady with a cheery smile.

"Dr. Mike, I was afraid ya weren't coming," she said in a heavy Irish brogue.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she apologized. "I've brought a colleague with me and I had to wait for him. Mrs. Anderson, may I present Dr. Lewis."

The matron smiled over at David and offered her hand. "Dr. Lewis, thank ya kindly for comin' out." The matron turned speaking only to Michaela now, talking about specific children and their problems. David looked around observing his surroundings carefully. As dirty as the place was outside, he hadn't expected for the inside to be much better but it was. Everything was scrubbed down, the walls and the floors and while run down it was certainly an improvement over what he witnessed in the alley.

Over the next two hours, he assisted Michaela as if he was her nurse. She asked his opinion from time to time, including him fully but David couldn't help but feel as if he was back at school. With skills that well surpassed him, Michaela made diagnoses and set treatment plans for sicknesses that David only experienced in textbooks.

At the end of their time there, Michaela sat reading aloud the story of Briar Rose to the children in the sick ward of the orphanage. The cover of the book was well worn, attesting to Michaela's fondness for fairy tales as a child. As she finished the story, several voices spoke at once each asking what the next week's story would be.

"The tale of the Six Swans," she said her eyes glowing with a magical light.

"What is it about?" a little girl spoke up.

"If I told you then I wouldn't have a story to read next time," Michaela said tapping the end of her bed and then moving on down the row wishing them each a good night. When she arrived at the end of the ward, she turned and smiled at David. "Are you ready to go?" she asked amid calls of "Good night Dr. Mike" coming from the children.

Finding himself in awe of the woman before him, David simply nodded and followed her from the room. Mrs. Adams met them once again near the front door. "I don't have much to give ya Dr. Mike," she whispered, obviously embarrassed about the small amount of money in the envelope she was holding out.

"No need for that Mrs. Adams." Michaela pushed the envelope back towards her. "Add it to the food budget for this week. I think that the children would do well with some more meat."

"Bless you," the older woman exclaimed, grabbing the doctor about the neck and hugging her. As she pulled back, she looked at Dr. Lewis as she spoke. "She's an angel sent from God.

David nodded and smiled. "I believe she is," he added turning Michaela's cheeks to an even deeper red.

As they stepped from the building, the night wind blew cold and Michaela crossed her arms to keep the chill out. She walked almost as if David wasn't with her, her mind obviously in another place. He wanted to say something, anything really that would make her take notice of him. David always thought she was beautiful but tonight he had seen her heart was warm and kind. Watching her bend over each child's bed, he had imagined her with their own children. Now more than ever he found himself falling in love with the woman walking beside him. "It really is amazing what you do here," he commented shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

Michaela gave a shrug of her shoulders. "Not that amazing," she corrected. "Anyone could do it if they wanted."

David felt the weight of her words and whether from a true desire to be helpful or rather the opportunity to impress her, he spoke. "I would like to help."

A wide smile spread over Michaela's face, one that was easily misconstrued by David. "That's wonderful," she said clapping her hands together. "I'd like to vaccinate against smallpox next week. Your help would be most welcome."

"It's nice to see you smile," he whispered stepping a little closer. "You seem so sad sometimes."

Michaela bristled at the sudden change of topics. "It's been a hard year for me," she acknowledged, resolved to give no other details.

David nodded and allowed a silence to settle between them not wanting her to think that he was prying. Arriving back to the main street, he looked at her in the light of one of the street lamps, captured once again by her beauty. Michaela's eyes still sparkled with the vibrant light he had first seen in the orphanage. The rosy cheeks and pink perfect lips were inviting him to come closer but he knew it would be inappropriate. "I would like to see that smile more often," he said deciding he would let the matter close with that one statement.

As he stepped into the street to look for a carriage, David never noticed the languid expression. He never saw the hand that went to her throat feeling for the gold chain she still wore out of some old devotion. He never heard the name whispered into the evening wind. "Sully."

----------------------------

**Colorado Springs - 1865**

Sully observed her tired face keenly, scared by the look of exhaustion he found there. "Ya go on to bed. I'll wake ya if there's any change."

"No," she protested with a shake of her head. "I'm fine. I'll put on some coffee."

He couldn't help but to smile at the stubborn streak and it was only now that he realized just how much he had missed it. "You're not fine," he corrected. "Now go on to bed before I have to carry ya."

"Sully," she said growing serious. "I said I am fine." With that he stood, and gathered her in his arms carrying her the small distance to the bed. It felt good to hold her so close and for a moment he didn't want to let her go but he knew he had to.

"Much better," he whispered as he laid her down. "Now go on to sleep." He meant to get up at that moment and leave her be but something at her neck caught his attention. "Is that a necklace?" he asked as the light of the oil lamp caught it just right.

The color on Michaela's cheeks deepened and she rolled onto her side, pulling the quilt over her. "It's the necklace you gave me," she whispered unsure how he would take her confession

"The one the ring was on?' His voice held a trace of surprise and it was enough to get Michaela to turn back towards him as she nodded. Forgetting himself for a moment, Sully reached out to touch it and found himself pulling it from her shirt. He rubbed it in between this thumb and forefinger, letting the myriad of memories come rushing back.

"I'm happy you still wear it." He watched her face carefully and when she smiled he relaxed. "I really mean that."

Michaela's hand came up to close over his. "I know," she whispered as their eyes met once again.

* * *

**Boston – August 2, 1861**

"Elise, I said we're going outside to play. Please put your shoes on."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she stuck out her bottom lip and shook her head. "I want my mother," she demanded at the top of her lungs stomping her stocking feet against the nursery floor with each word.

"You're mother isn't feeling well," she informed the small child again, now quickly losing her patience. "Put your shoes on young lady."

"I won't and you can't make me!" The nanny grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her across to the closet door thrusting a pair of black boots at her. Elise took the boots but as soon as the nanny's back was turned she threw them down on the ground and ran to the nursery door to make her escape.

With her arms tucked tight to her body, she ran as if someone was chasing her though the nanny wasn't even out of the door yet. When she reached her mother's room there was no time wasted knocking. Elise simply turned the knob and stepped in, quickly closing the door behind her. The room was dark, the curtains still closed against the morning sun.

"Mama," Marjorie yelled running to the bedside and peeking over cautiously. There was no response at first and so the young child climbed up carefully and pulled the covers back from her mother's long red hair. There was a funny smell in the room that seemed to grow stronger now. "Mama?"

The nanny was at the door by this time and entered the room timidly, knowing that Everett gave her strict orders not to disturb the mistress. "Elise?" The sound of whimpering made her come closer to the bedside and she froze at the sight that met her eyes. "God bless," she exclaimed raising a hand to her mouth.

The downstairs maid showed up at the door then, the commotion and running having alerted her that something was going on. Her reaction was similar and she stood there staring wide-eyed.

Elise looked up at the two adults expecting them to do something and feeling stunned when neither did. "Help her," she pleaded looking first at the nanny and then at the housekeeper. "Mama needs a doctor… send for Granda or Aunt Michaela."

Again the same blank stares met hers and somehow the young child instinctively knew that they were both afraid of her father. "My father isn't here!" she yelled at the top of her lungs now jumping off the bed onto the floor. Imitating a tone that she had heard her own mother use when she spoke to the staff, she continued. "Have the carriage hitched, we are going to the hospital."

"But Miss Elise," the housekeeper began but than quickly silenced as the young girl turned to face her directly. Her green eyes were flashing with something fierce and whether it was some remnant of her mother's deflated spirit or her father's temper neither woman could tell. The orange mass of curls appeared to be on fire as she balled her hands into fists. "My father is out and my mother is ill so you both work for me."

Amazingly it worked, the two woman jumped into action as if scared that an eight year old child might really be able to effect their employment status. The housekeeper had the carriage hitched and informed the driver of where they were to be taken while they both struggled to get Marjorie downstairs and into the carriage in her semi-conscious state. Neither would go to the hospital with them though, both still more afraid of Everett than his daughter. Elise didn't care. She had been to the hospital before and she wasn't afraid to go there alone. In fact, at the moment she didn't feel afraid of anything.

As the carriage drew to a halt, her mother seemed to rouse for the first time. "Mama?"

"Elise?"

"It's me mama."

"Where are we?"

"I'm taking you to granda at the hospital."

In a whirl of flying colors, the night before came back to Marjorie. Everett's fists hitting and hitting. His feet kicking and kicking. She just had wanted it to end and now she knew that it eventually had though her memory was a blur past that. To have her father and mother know this was too much and even in her injured state she cried out. "No! No, Elise. Get William.. Dr. Burke. Please get Dr. Burke."

That was the name on her lips when she approached the nurse's desk and found that no one wanted to pay attention to a small child. Clearing her throat impatiently, Elise stood on her tip toes and wrapped on the desk. She refused to be ignored. "Excuse me, I need to see Dr. William Burke."

Two women turned to look at her, neither particularly friendly looking. "May I help you little girl?" the closest one asked.

"I need to see Dr. William Burke," she repeated starting to become impatient.

"And you are?"

"Elise Michaela DuMuar," she answered never breaking eye contact with her. The nurse had first thought to get rid of the child but something told her that she shouldn't. Shuffling down the hall, she looked into each exam room knowing she'd last seen him with a patient. Finally at exam room four, he emerged and the nurse step forward.

"Dr. Burke there's a child here to see you. She says her name is Elise… uh… Elise Michaela… something like that."

The side of William's lip curled. "DuMaur?" he asked.

"Yes that's right. Do you want me to bring her back to you, Dr. Burke?"

"No," he answered hastily. "I'll go talk to her." The nurse nodded and then wandered off back to her desk, hoping to hear whatever it was the little girl might say to the doctor. William approached her slowly from the side. He could tell that she was upset and he instantly grew worried. There were recent tear tracks on her face and his heart broke just looking on her. Stepping to her side, he kneeled down so that he was on the same level as her.

"Can I help you?" he asked kindly, startling her.

The little girl turned towards him, her face serious and her eyes piercing. "Dr. Burke?"

"I though I told you to call me William?" He tried to be jovial despite the somber mood etched in her eyes. "What is it Elise?"

"My mama is out in the carriage. She sent me to get you."

"Right," William answered pondering why Marjorie would send her little girl to fetch him. Elise leaned over and tugged impatiently on his hand. It was only now that he recognized the urgency in her.

"Please hurry, I think my mama's going to die," she whispered.

William's face grew ashen as his mind finally gripped the truth of what had happened. "Everett," he whispered as his hands clenched tightly. He took Elise's hand and called for the nurse. "Please wait with this little girl – her mother is injured. I don't want her to be frightened." With that he dashed off before Elise has the chance to tell him that she wasn't frightened but rather very brave.

Of course this was a fact that William would acknowledge later as he sat with her at Marjorie's bedside. He explained that her mother would be fine that she simply needed time to rest and recover. Marjorie was barely conscious during the time that William tended to her but when she was somewhat coherent, she begged him repeatedly not to tell her father. Yet as William sat now, watching carefully over her breathing with Elise on his lap, he knew that he couldn't send either of them back to that house and so he made the decision, then and there to save her life whether she wanted it or not.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – December 23, 1861**

Sully looked around with wide eyes at this familiar place. It was only nine months since he'd seen this place but somehow it all looked different – the world looked different because he was seeing it with fresh eyes. A year ago, he was unsure whether to accompany the Cheyenne to winter camp but now he could not imagine not going with them. Glancing back at Cloud Dancing, he smiled in gratitude as remembrance of the past year came to mind. He thanked the spirits for sending this man to be his brother and for guiding him to this people who had become his family. The words that seemed so foreign at first were now second nature and their ways now his ways.

Looking back down at the ground reminded him there was still much work to be done. The rest of the lodges needed to be assembled so that there would be a place for everyone to sleep tonight. There were more people than usual too as some of the Northern Cheyenne joined them because of a poor hunting season. Out of the corner of his eye, a flash of blond caught his attention and he turned, curious to see what it was. His eyes were riveted to her, partly because she was beautiful but mostly because she was white.

Snowbird noticed where his attention was fixed and nudged her husband's arm. "Shivering Deer," she whispered. Cloud Dancing looked up and than back at his wife whose eyes were excited by the myriad of possibilities. He shook his head solemnly and went back to work.

"Love heals the heart," she replied thinking that she knew better than her husband in this regard. "I see too. There was no response to the second letter he sent to Boston, was there?"

Cloud Dancing did not reply to her question nor even raise his head to answer. "She is not meant for him." His words were succinct, spoken with certainty.

Snowbird was not so easily deterred though. "Perhaps we will see," she replied giving her husband a knowing glance. She moved quickly before he could stop her, taking Sully by the arm as she approached. "That is Shivering Deer," she said indicating the young blond haired woman. "She lives with the Northern Cheyenne."

"But she is white," Sully remarked, his brow wrinkled in confusion.

A smile crossed Snowbird's face. "And very beautiful."

"Yes," Sully whispered swallowing hard. "She is." He turned away then, his heart heavy within him. The second letter had in fact gone unanswered and he knew that it was time to accept that she was no longer a part of his life. Still it seemed impossible to rid himself of her; she was a part of the blood that flowed through his veins. For a fleeting moment he reverted back to his old way of thinking. Perhaps another woman would lessen the pain…. There was a place inside of him that longed to know a woman's love but that part of him was still broken. Words that Cloud Dancing spoke many times before came back to him now. "You must heal the wounds not try to cover them." Sully felt as if he was being tested now, his mind having to fight with the need to be loved. Turning decidedly in the other direction, he made his decision.

* * *

_Thanks for reading everyone. I hope to pick up the pace soon. It's taken me a bit to write these chapters for some reason… muse not cooperating properly but I will be back in the groove soon._


	122. Chapter 122

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Two**

**Boston – January 4, 1862**

The winter sky matched the mood of the house – gray and hazy. The temperature was bitter cold outside and even though fires burned brightly in every grate, they couldn't chase away the chill in the air. Michaela knew it was mental and not physical but she couldn't stop it. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she made her way to Marjorie's room hoping her sister was at least out of bed and dressed. When Marjorie initially sought refuge at her parent's house, she was so relieved to be away from the beatings that her mood improved. Yet ongoing circumstances quickly changed all that.

Citing his rights to the children, Everett insisted on retaining custody of them, mostly because he believed that would lure Marjorie back home. Marjorie wanted to go but Elizabeth wouldn't let her, storming over to the house and demanding to see her grandchildren. Everett was out for the day and he'd taken eight year old Adam with him. Elise and Beth were under the nanny's care. They ran to Elizabeth when they saw her, clinging to her neck and asking after their momma. Despite the protests of the house staff, Elizabeth packed both girls up and brought them home, insisting she would be back for Adam that afternoon. Yet Adam never returned to the house, his father sending him to an aunt in upper state New York that same day.

Opening the door of Marjorie's bedroom, Michaela looked first to the bed fully expecting her to still be laying there with her wide vacant expression. The bed was empty though, the crumpled sheets thrown carelessly back. Close to the fire, stood the bathtub with Marjorie inside. Still thinking this was a positive step, Michaela approached the tub quietly. "Marjorie, do you feel up to coming down for lunch?"

Her sister's head jerked around towards her, the pale face making a sharp contrast to the mass of red tangles. Michaela noticed the blue tint to her sister's skin and immediately put her hand down into the water. "This water is freezing, Marjorie. Get out."

The red hair fell to the side, her own declaration that she had no strength to even take herself out of discomfort. Michaela pulled on her arm. "Up," she barked as if speaking to a child. Eventually her stubborn sister gave in and stood. Michaela wrapped her in a blanket instead of asking for her robe, wondering how long Marjorie could get away with pretending to be catatonic. With gentleness, she handled her eventually sitting in the chair near the fire with Marjorie's head in her lap as she began to brush the mass of curls. "You can't be like this forever," Michaela spoke directly hoping to stir Marjorie's ire at least.

"I don't know how to be different than this." Marjorie's words rung true to Michaela because she felt the same. A year and a half had passed since she last saw Sully but little changed in her heart and mind. She couldn't find a way to be over him or maybe she didn't want to be over him. Michaela's thoughts were interrupted by Marjorie turning her head towards her. "He has my baby," she whispered. "I just want Adam. Why won't he give him to me?"

Michaela swallowed hard as the reminder of bigger problems changed her perspective. "Marjorie, mother and father will do all they can to make sure you get him back. Once the court case is settled."

"But what if the judge gives all three of them to Everett. What am I going to do?"

"Sh..sh…Don't worry about that yet. You need to think positive – to concentrate on something good."

These words finally lit a tiny spark in Marjorie and she pulled away from her sister indignantly. "Good? I'm a disgrace- a complete disgrace! What good is there to concentrate on?"

"Elise and Beth," Michaela offered but Marjorie never heard her.

"Mother won't let me go out. She says it's not proper. She won't let William visit me because that's not proper either. Father barely looks at me when we pass in the hall. I feel like I've traded one prison for another."

Michaela was staring at something just past Marjorie, the words resounding in her ears. Prison… they were prisoners. Her parents kept them all as prisoners. Boston kept them as prisoners. Anna had known it – that was why she fled to Maryland. Michaela's back straightened and she raised her head high. Somehow she would find a way to stop that.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – March 20, 1862**

Emerging from the tepee, Sully wasn't focused on his surroundings but rather on the task before him. Once again he made the journey on foot back from winter camp, walking with mostly woman and children. Cloud Dancing suggested several times that he should learn to ride but each time he backed down. It was during one of these moments, that the truth of his family's death was slowly revealed and Cloud Dancing discovered yet another layer of pain and guilt that Sully hid. Learning to ride had thus become part of learning to heal and he would no longer allow Sully to run from it.

He looked up at the noonday sky, wishing that it would turn dark and pour rain but still the sun shone on mockingly. Glancing toward where the Indian pony was tethered, he tensed though he tried not to show it. Even after spending several days simply caring for the horse he was not at ease around it. In his preoccupied state, he did not hear the approach of Cloud Dancing.

"Haaahe." His words were crisp and sharp making Sully jump at the sound of them.

"Haaahe," he returned weakly.

Cloud Dancing looked over at him trying to decipher what the tension in his face was about. "You have seen that some of the Northern Cheyenne have joined us?"

Sully turned abruptly. "No," he said with a shake of his head.

"Oh, I thought perhaps this mood had something to do with Shivering Deer."

"She's here?" Cloud Dancing nodded, knowing full well she'd come because of Sully. Letting out a deep breath, Sully sighed deeply. "I ain't interested in her."

With a nod, Cloud Dancing acknowledged the words as truthful. "You have no room in your heart for love right now. Will you ever?" He walked away toward the pony, leaving the question hanging in the air. Sully wrinkled his brow at first but it soon occurred to him what Cloud Dancing was inferring. The only room he held in his heart was for Michaela – he'd still been unable to let her go. What he didn't realize was that Cloud Dancing never intended for him to let it go. Quickly now he caught up with his Cheyenne brother, knowing it was time to begin his task.

"Go on," Cloud Dancing encouraged. "He is waiting for you."

Sully looked uncertainly at the pony before him and took a shaky step forward. "He can sense fear," Cloud Dancing reminded him. "Who is in control here?"

Casting an irritated glance at his brother, Sully bit his tongue. For him it was clear who was in charge here – the pony. Sully looked the animal in the eye and waited. The pony let out a loud whinny but Sully stood strong, determined not to back away. This was farther than he had come before and he didn't want to fail now. Getting a feel for the bridle in his hand, he raised it ready to slip it over the pony's neck and then in one swift motion, it was accomplished.

Cloud Dancing raised an eyebrow as he watched the scene knowing that Sully was only half way to his goal. "Perhaps this is enough for today," he said quietly so as not to frighten the animal or Sully.

"No, I'm gonna do this." The hard lines in his face spoke of determination and Cloud Dancing couldn't help but smile. The horse stepped to the side and Sully grew nervous at how close he now was. Placing one hand on his rear flank, he began to work his way up to his neck. Sully closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he pounced and before he knew it, he was sitting on the back of the pony, who continued to paw the ground. "Woah," Sully said taking the bridle in his hand.

Managing to mount the pony and than actually riding were two very different things though. The thought of the animal's feet moving frightened him and Sully hastily looked up and over at Cloud Dancing wondering what to do. Cloud Dancing stood stoically to the side but Sully could see the amusement in his eyes. "What do I do now?"

"You ride," he said plainly, his face never breaking into a smile though he longed for it to. Walking a short distance away, he untied a second horse and quickly mounted. Sully grew nervous as his brother approached, the horse continuing to stamp every few seconds. Cloud Dancing said nothing but simply rode past him and before Sully knew it, his horse was following.

And then something happened, something changed. The fear was replaced by a deep desire to run. It was a desire he knew well but never before was he able to move fast enough to escape. Yet now, with the horse beneath him he felt different. The motion was strangely soothing and digging his heels into the animal's sides he shot past Cloud Dancing urging the horse on faster and faster. The wind blew hard through his hair and he hoped that it would eventually blow away the pain. Crushing weight bearing down upon his chest made him gasp for air but he could not get enough. Faster, he thought, I only need to ride faster. The thundering of the horse's hooves increased but so did the pain. The death of his family tried to drown him, the loss of Josef as his father figure angered him and the loss of Michaela bathed him in guilt.

When Cloud Dancing caught up with him, he had slid off the horses's back and lay prostrate on the ground. He hadn't seen this coming but it didn't surprise him at the same time. Sully had learned so much and grown but he still had far to come.

"Will you believe me now that you cannot run?"

Rolling onto his back, Sully looked past him to watch the white clouds drifting through the afternoon sky. "I can't escape," he whispered. Cloud Dancing nodded and knew that now true healing would begin.

* * *

**Boston – May 2, 1862**

William stopped briefly outside the door of the exam room and lifted his hands out to his side, feeling the stretch in his back. The day seemed like one endless stream of patients and the dull pounding in his head was only getting stronger. He normally relished his doctoral duties but today his mind was elsewhere. Pulling his pocket watch out of his inner pocket, he checked the time once again. The court case was probably over and decided now but William had no way of knowing. He hated having to be separate from Marjorie but he knew his presence would not be looked kindly on either by Elizabeth Quinn or Everett's attorneys.

His name was already too publicized in regards to the proceedings. While it was true that Marjorie and he had kept their relationship completely professional after that day in her recovery room, he couldn't deny the feelings that rose up in his chest whenever he saw her or those precious children. To think that monster might actually be granted custody of them was beyond him and once again he had to erase thoughts of violence against Everett out of his mind. Looking down at his hands, he couldn't help but wonder how hands that normally healed could inflict damage to another human being but he knew it was possible.

"Dr. Burke," his nurse called from somewhere behind him.

"I'm on my way to exam room three now," William called back already resuming his stoic walk down the hall.

"No, Dr. Burke, it's not that."

William turned quickly, a look of expectation on his face as he considered the possibility that Marjorie had sent word. "Has a telegram come? A message that needs my attention?"

The nurse scowled and gave a little shake of her head at the normally attentive doctor's odd mood. "No there is a patient in exam room one. She said it was urgent that she see you."

"Alright," he agreed with a sigh already moving in the opposite direction. Exam room one was around a bend in the hall and as he maneuvered it he thought of simply walking out – claiming to be ill in order to leave but his honesty and sense of duty pushed him forward.

As he opened the door, he cocked his head to the side at the sight that met him. Quickly he shut himself in with the patient, smiling widely. "Marjorie?"

"I'm sorry to bother you at work William." She looked down tentatively, unsure if she should have come at all. While it was true that she knew William harbored feelings for her, she wasn't certain how he would react to her presence. "I just wanted to tell you in person… to let you know…"

William was at her side in an instant taking her small hand in his own. "What is it Marjorie?" he asked reaching up to rub a tendril of her hair between the thumb and forefinger of his other hand.

A smile spread over her face rapidly, his touches reassuring any doubts she possessed. "I am a divorced woman," she said with more joy than she ever thought those words would bring.

"The children?" The smile on her face gave it away as his arms closed around her. "Oh Marjorie," he whispered against her ear, pressing her face close to his chest. He pulled back to see her better. "Are the children alright? Do they understand? Are they happy?"

Marjorie laughed. "One question at a time," she chastised. "The children are fine. Adam was in court today and I was able to bring him home with me. I am not sure they all understand but that's probably for the best. I never realized what I was doing to them by staying there…" Her voice trailed off as she fell once again into a self hatred for putting her children through such hell.

William wiped at a stray tear as it fell down her cheek. "Don't think bad thoughts," he whispered. Marjorie nodded weakly and forced a little grin. "Promise me."

"I promise," she returned. They stood still simply letting the euphoria sweep over them. William felt as if he was beginning the rest of his life on this day but Marjorie was less sure of their future together. "Do you know what Elise asked me this morning?" she asked grinning as she thought of her daughter's curiosity.

"What?"

"If you would be her new father."

William raised his eyebrows at her words, uncertain what to say. He knew that Marjorie was delicate but he couldn't deny that he had entertained similar thoughts. "And what did you tell her?"

Marjorie turned her face down, her cheeks instantly growing red. "I told her I wasn't ready to marry again so soon." Her voice was quiet so that William had to strain to hear her but he wasn't disquieted by her words.

"Of course," he whispered. "Of course you'll need time and space." Pressing his thumbs under her chin, he succeeded in raising her face so that he could look on her fully. "I'm here though when you're ready."

"Thank you," Marjorie whispered but then felt immediately as if she needed something to fill the moment. Looking around, she remembered that Michaela mentioned that William had volunteered with her to go and help wounded troops. "Are you pursuing this war foolishness as well?"

William dropped his hands and gave a brief nod. "Mike told you?"

"Mother is having a fit and Father is basically beside himself. It's like she wants to be killed."

"Marjorie it's only on volunteer basis and we'll only be called to help if we are needed. I've already promised your father that I will accompany her."

"You don't care about your own life either, I suppose." Like a spoiled brat she pouted, wanting William and not wanting him all at the same moment.

William sighed. "Oh Marjorie, we're so far removed from what is going on. How could I possibly expect you to understand?"

"We're not removed. I read the lists of the dead and wounded just like everyone else. I've seen the mothers crying and I know that it is only by the grace of God that my son isn't old enough to fight."

"But if he was, would you let him?"

"Of course not. Are you crazy?"

"Then you won't every understand how Mike or I feel." William turned with that statement and stepped away. "I don't blame you for not understanding."

Marjorie, who had moments before pushed William away, now felt jealousy rise up in her heart. "It's Michaela isn't it? You're in love with her."

A soft laugh escaped William's mouth. "I'm in love with you," he said gently, hoping not to frighten her. "Besides your sister wouldn't want me even if I did love her. There is still only one person who will hold her heart." He turned back now to look at Marjorie. "I pity David."

"Why?" Marjorie asked, a wrinkle forming on her brow.

"Because he is smitten by her and even if he wears her down…" William stopped for a moment and looked down at the floor. "She'll never love him."

"Marriage isn't always about love," Marjorie was quick to remind him.

"It should be."

Looking down, she swallowed hard. William was right. All her life she was worried about making a good match. She'd turned her back on love twice to settle for a marriage not only void of love but filled with hate. "Yes, it should be."

* * *

**Sharpsburg, Maryland – September 23, 1862**

Michaela walked now, the carriage unwilling to take them any farther. She was glad for William's presence by her side. In a million years she wouldn't admit she was scared but she was. The putrid odors stung at her nose and she coughed to try and get the taste out of her mouth but it did no good. Already, she could see the makeshift hospitals, men lying in the streets and on cots. Only five days before, the bloodiest battle of the Civil War was fault giving the north a decisive victory that would prove a turning point in the war. Yet that didn't matter at the moment, William and Michaela were here to do a job and from the looks of it all hands were needed.

As they arrived at the base of operations, a frantic young army lieutenant greeted them. "Miss you'll want to go over to the tent down there. The head nurse is running the base of operation."

"I'm a doctor," Michaela said quickly correcting his mistake. She could feel the defensive side of her rising, ready to fight with the lieutenant if necessary but she didn't count on how unnecessary something of that sort would be.

"Good," the lieutenant nodded. "Then both of you come this way."

It soon became obvious why the lieutenant did not debate her status as a woman doctor. The amount of men who needed medical attention was astounding and Michaela found herself overwhelmed in a way she'd never been before. The supplies were severely limited, bandages dwindling by mid afternoon. Michaela ran off to find her bags, giving them over to the nurses on duty with the order to save only a change of clothing but to rip up the rest to use as bandages. She could do nothing for the shortage of morphine and other necessary drugs. Often when she examined a soldier, there was nothing to be done but speak a word of comfort or wash a wound praying that it didn't turn gangrenous. Sometimes the soldier was already dead when she stopped. The first few bothered her but she soon became hardened simply yelling once more for the burial detail in order to free the needed cot.

William was sent to the amputation tent where limbs of wounded soldiers were being removed, often because they had not been treated in the first place and infection was rampant. It was the one time, Michaela was glad to have been barred because she was a female. A great deal of strength was needed to saw through a bone and they quickly decided she would tire too quickly. Yet the screams bothered her until just like the dead men she grew used to it.

It was only later that night as she sat under a tree, trying to get a few hours of sleep before beginning her rounds again that it occurred to her what this trip meant. All around humanity was at its worst, debased of all that she was used to. The other doctor's looked her in the eye and spoke to her as an equal, something that never happened in Boston. Here the proof was in your ability, not in your sex and Michaela had proven herself by working tirelessly and giving over and above anything that was expected. The giving of her clothes gained the nurses respect and they joked that no soldier before had none the finery of French silk wrapping a leg wound.

For the first time in her life, she realized that she was a good doctor. Mentally perhaps she'd known it but now deep down inside her heart believed it. Her abilities had nothing to do with Josef or Boston. She looked around at the rough landscape, the shortage of supplies, all things she would have faced on the frontier and she realized that she shouldn't have been afraid. Inside of her was the ability to do anything, anything she wanted. For years she pretended to be independent but she never was. Yet now, now she was free in a way she'd never been before. It wasn't her father who made her who she was. If only she could have realized this earlier, then she never would have pushed him away.

It was only now that she admitted to herself that part of the reason she came here was to escape from thoughts of Sully. In two years, she'd not learned how to and now she was beginning to doubt she ever would. Here the reminders were everywhere. More than once that afternoon she was mistaken for a wife or a girlfriend and she let them believe that. It seemed like such a simple thing to do and though she hated lying, she could see the peace it gave each man.

Yet the real reminder came in the cool of the afternoon as she sat on her knees treating a soldier's arm. As she finished he reached up to touch her cheek and the touch felt familiar as if it were Sully's. "Are you an angel?" he whispered, his eyes wide in awe.

"No I'm a doctor," she simply replied, already moving down to remove the bandage from his leg looking for signs of infection.

"I'm not in heaven?"

"No, sir. You're very much alive and healing better than most."

Michaela expected him to be happy at her statement but she hadn't expected what actually came out. "Marry me then. I think I'm in love with you."

Laughing it off she moved in the other direction ready to assist the next gentleman but it stuck with her – the touch… the proposal. And she missed him…missed his touch, his smell. Missed the way he used to look at her, the look that made her want to crawl into his lap and hold on to him forever. She would miss him forever and no amount of trying to make herself forget would help. Michaela made peace there under that tree. Not the kind of peace she had searched for in Boston. Here in Maryland, she promised to never forget him and to never stop missing him and in that way she would keep him close.

* * *

**Boston – December 14, 1862**

Somehow the realizations that came upon her in Maryland changed Michaela. The sad girl who left Boston did not return but rather the one who promised herself to be the best doctor she could be for every patient she was given. Instead of spending evenings in the poor houses or orphanages, she spent all her time there with the people who really needed her. In the roughest sections of town, she was watched over and remembered as the one who had healed a mother or daughter. Even men there let her treat them once she'd gained acceptance of a few. Money didn't matter to her – it wasn't important and she had plenty. Anna's inheritance seemed endless and she often paid for the supplies she needed out of her own pocket.

Josef, who had slowly waited for his daughter to come back to him, was at first excited to see such a change in her. Yet it soon became obvious that he had no power over her in the least. When she stopped coming to the hospital regularly, he became angry but Michaela wasn't fazed. When she stayed away from home until the late hours of the night, he expressed his concern but Michaela laughed it away assuring him she was fine.

When he found her in the backyard crying, she wouldn't tell him why, completely shutting him out of her life in a way that hurt him deeper than anything with Sully had. It was Anna all over again and he found himself becoming more and more bitter about it.

Unable to control her, Josef stewed which Elizabeth noticed but said nothing about. Elizabeth wasn't sure she approved of Michaela's new lifestyle especially not the part that took her to seedier sections of Boston but she did approve of the change in her demeanor and appearance. While Michaela was always beautiful, something now made her even more so. Elizabeth assumed she was in love with David and encouraged the match, unknowingly pushing a suitor that Michaela had no interest in.

Michaela knew that her mother encouraged him, though she'd protested against it time after time. On that premise alone she protested going to the annual Christmas party but eventually gave in to her persistent mother's requests. All night she'd managed to avoid him, constantly on watch. She danced with each of her brother in laws several times simply to escape him. As she stood at the punch bowl, he approached from the other side of the room his eyes never leaving her form. Michaela spied him and dashed into the foyer hoping she had lost him but knowing his pursuit would continue. Her eyes went to the top of the stairs and settled on the perfect hiding place. Picking up the skirt of her dress in both hands, she freed her feet to quickly ascend the stairs. As soon as she had entered the cover of darkness that awaited her at the top, she relaxed and took a seat on the top stair.

She knew better than to be up here. She knew that it would only serve to remind her and then upset her but sometimes she needed to simply remember. Gingerly she touched the spot on the stair between herself and the banister. This is where Sully would sit she thought even though it hadn't been his spot for four years now. That didn't matter. The pain was still as fresh as if it had been yesterday. Quickly she slid over towards the banister and leaned her head against it. One lone tear ran down her face dropping onto her gown. There were other tears waiting to join that one but she wouldn't allow them to fall until later when she was safely tucked away in her room.

Her thoughts dwelt on him now, wondering where he was and what he was doing. Was he celebrating Christmas with friends? Was it possible he had taken a wife? She imagined him sitting by the fire with a girl at his side placing his hand over her blossoming belly where their child was growing. Unconsciously she raised her hand to her own abdomen and began to stroke it as the girl in her mind transformed into herself. "We would have a little boy," she whispered, smiling as she said it. "He would have your blue eyes and my crooked smile."

"Who are you talking to?" His voice startled her and she jumped. Her eyes flew open as she squinted to make out the form in front of her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," David apologized taking the seat next to her.

"That's okay," Michaela whispered hastily sliding closer to the banister and away from David.

"What were you saying?" he asked again intrigued by what he had heard.

"Nothing," Michaela answered. "I was only remembering something." She turned her head back towards the banister and glanced down at the people below.

"It's a good view from up here," David remarked leaning closer to her so that he could look down as well.

"I know," Michaela murmured wishing that he would leave her alone.

"It's quiet and secluded. The perfect place to steal a few moments with someone special." His eyes settled on her lips. She felt his hot breath against her cheek and knew that he was going to try to kiss her.

"David, I meant what I said earlier," she gently reminded him hoping that would be enough to dissuade him.

"You look beautiful tonight," David returned ignoring her statement completely. "I would like the chance to see you more."

"But you already see me at the hospital," Michaela said nervously clenching her skirt in her hands. "We work together sometimes, remember?"

"I meant on a more personal basis," he said slowly moving closer to her.

Michaela considered her options at that moment. She could let him kiss her and get it over with. She could push him away again, hoping he would get the message this time. After all this was her and Sully's sacred place. No other men had the right to kiss her here. No other men had the right to kiss her at all. She would not let David have his way simply because he was persistent. Quickly she stood pushing him away in the process.

"Stop it!" she yelled turning quickly and running down the hall to her bedroom. Once safely inside, she locked the door and collapsed on the bed. Hot tears stung her eyes and she let them fall. "Oh Sully," she called out into her pillow letting herself fall into despair once again.

_

* * *

_**Cheyenne Winter Camp – December 26, 1862**

The night air was cold and most sat huddled around campfires trying their hardest to stay warm. Children were snuggled under buffalo hides sleeping peacefully in teepees. Sully felt unsettled though, his thoughts back in Boston. He tried to shrug it off, telling himself it was only Christmas he was missing. All day he'd been this way but now he couldn't take the company any longer. Rising from the warmth of the fire, he walked away from the camp. One more letter sent and still no answer.

He tried to tell himself that he had no hopes riding on it but that was a lie. Everything was riding on it. So much healing had taken place in his life but he could not get rid of her and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Catherine continued to stay on with them but he took no notice and she soon lost interest. Other braves in the tribe thought him foolish but Sully wasn't bothered by it. He could best them all in throwing a tomahawk and his tracking skills were outstanding among the men of the tribe.

Stepping into a clearing, he looked up at the night sky the stars seeming especially bright tonight. It was not that long ago that he had looked up at these stars and known that Michaela was doing the same. The thought had always been highly soothing and perhaps tonight it could be once again. Closing his eyes, he tried hard to feel her. He imagined sneaking into her room, watching as the moonlight bathed her in its light. Slowly, her eyelids would flutter open, a smile settling over her features as she recognized him. They would touch and kiss and hold each close hoping the night would never end.

"Can you feel me Michaela?" he whispered into the sky. His eyes opened and for one brief moment, he was sure she did. At least he was sure he felt her. There was a sadness and then a warm comfort that he didn't understand. And then she was looking at the stars and missing him as much as he missed her. Holding his arms out to his side, he turned in a slow circle before closing them over his chest. "Please feel me."

* * *

**Boston – December 26, 1862**

Michaela softly stroked his back, watching for any sign that he had stopped breathing. It had all happened so quickly and to her it still seemed surreal. The way he had dashed out of the house. The moment, she realized that the carriage driver didn't see him. The sharp bark he had let out as the wheel crushed his midsection.

"Michaela, I have to put him out of his misery," Josef gently whispered near her ear bringing her back to reality.

"I know. Could you just give me a minute with him?" Josef thought the request strange but he nodded and left the room to prepare the injection.

"You are one of the few things I have left of him," Michaela whispered against the dog's ear. "I don't want you to die." Tears clouded her eyes again beginning to fall onto the dog's fur. He whimpered and Michaela knew he was in great pain. "Father," she called and then placed a soft kiss to his head one last time. "I love you Bryon."

Within moments, Josef had arrived at the door. "Why don't you leave Mike- you don't want to watch this."

Michaela nodded her head as she moved towards the door, breaking into a run when she reached the other side. She knew exactly where she was headed and she didn't stop until she reached her destination. Flopping down into the middle of the bed that had been Sully's, she let the tears wash down her cheeks anew. "He's gone," she whispered to no one in particular, knowing that she was referring to Sully as well as the dog.

Twisting and turning furiously on the bed, her eyes finally blinked open. In her semi-conscious state, she wasn't sure if she had dreamed Byron's death or not. She reached out in the bed, frantically searching for the soft fur that would tell her it was all a dream. "Byron," she gasped when her search turned up nothing. Her heart panicked once again but then settled as a cold nose pressed up against her hand. Michaela sat up and pulled the dog into her lap. "What were you doing down there silly dog?"

She rubbed her tear stained cheeks against his soft beagle ears, finding the comfort that she often sought but rarely found. The dog lapped at her face adding more wetness but she didn't mind. "Don't scare me like that," she chastised pulling him fully into her arms. Standing, she held him close, the dog so trusting that he settled his head in the crook of her arm. "You're the only living reminder of him," she whispered placing a kiss to the top of his downy head.

Finally arriving at the window, she looked down on the backyard, which lay mostly in shadow and imagined a night spent there with him. Closing her eyes she could see it. Her head was upon his chest and she could feel the strong beat of his heart under her cheek. The sweet smell of late summer roses was in the air and she felt heady with their aroma. With a gentle touch, he stroked her back, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the nearness of her. A soft smile spread over her features and in the moonlight she looked ethereal – a goddess of the heavens with her favorite pet.

Eventually her eyes opened and the dream was broken. Still the stars twinkled on in the night sky and for one brief moment Michaela was sure she could sense him, staring up at the same constellation his heart beating hard within his chest. It was gone as quickly as it came. She'd felt the sadness but refused to let herself believe that he was missing her. There was probably someone else by now just as there was someone else who was interested in her. Bryon whined a little as if he sensed her thought and wanted to reject it but Michaela thought nothing of it. "Shh," she whispered returning with him to the bed. The beagle snuggled up to her, nosing his way underneath her chin and Michaela sighed, wishing the warm breath on her skin was someone else's.

* * *

_Only one more chapter and I will send Michaela back to CS… yay!!! I've been writing another story that will end this week and in doing so I found that I can post every day if I write two scenes each night. I am considering doing this with HC as soon as I finish ASB. If this would really be annoying to switch at this point in the story let me know. Thanks!!! Oh and just thanks for sticking with me and this story!!!_


	123. Chapter 123

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hunderd and Twenty-three**

**Boston – March 20, 1863**

Marjorie, tired of being cooped up in the house, finally found a way around Elizabeth. Knowing she would never be allowed to make social calls or go shopping in the foreseeable future, she decided that the chance to do anything was better than nothing. When she first presented the idea to her sister, Michaela was skeptical. It was hard for her to believe that Marjorie actually wanted to work in the orphanage and poor houses with her, getting her hands dirty in such a practical way. Yet she also knew Marjorie would be relentless until she gave in and so on trial basis, she agreed her sister could accompany her.

Michaela was pleasantly surprised though. Marjorie did not seem to mind the hard work at all and made an excellent nurse. She soothed children when Michaela had to give a shot and she was a quick leaner when Michaela taught her how to take vital signs. When there was nothing else for her to do, she played games with the children or talked to the woman in the poor houses. She like many of them knew the sorrow of a violent husband and they would talk about things that Michaela would never have been able to discuss with them. Marjorie didn't mind the work either. What started out as a simple ploy to get out of the house, filled her with self confidence and purpose. Time spent with her children became more precious as well and sometimes Marjorie took Elise with her to the orphanages.

Marjorie's helping out had another positive effect as well. David was much more committed to the cause but Michaela had made little inroads into having other doctor's join her. With Marjorie's presence, William began to volunteer more frequently. It was rare that he was permitted to see Marjorie and this seemed like his best chance. Even with slightly tainted motives, Michaela welcomed the help.

This particular Tuesday evening, they happened to all be at the same orphanage having just finished inoculating all of the new children against small pox. William was teasing Marjorie about something as they slipped on their coats to head in their respective directions. A loud noise from the back of the building stopped everyone in their tracks and they each took off in that direction, certain something was wrong. An explosion in the kitchen injured two of the scullery maids. Both were conscious but the one was hurt worse then the other. Shards of glass were everywhere and the one maid was holding her hand to her face screaming about her eye

It was clear that the one with the injured eye needed to be taken to the hospital so that they could operate properly and after some arranging, it was agreed that Michaela and David would go on with her while William stayed behind to treat the other girl. Marjorie stayed with him and he promised to see her home when they were done. At the time Michaela didn't think of her mother's reaction to Marjorie's riding with William, her mind only focused on helping the young girls.

The night was long for both her and David. He actually performed the operation having more experience with matters like this. Yet Michaela stayed by his side, watching and learning with each incision he made. His hands were steady and nimble and Michaela found that she greatly appreciated his skills as a doctor. When the glass was finally removed and the eye bandaged, Michaela hugged him with sheer exuberance of the successful operation. David though took it as much more, letting his hands linger around her waist as she pulled back. They both kept vigil at first over the young girl but eventually Michaela grew tired of his endless chatter and silly school boy looks. She banished him to rest, arguing that they didn't both need to be there.

Around three David returned fresh from his few hours of sleep and insisted that he would finish out the night. Michaela didn't argue, she found her own eyelids drooping horribly and she barely remembered walking to her father's office and crawling onto the small cot in the corner to sleep. Yet she did remember the dream.

Outside, in a meadow, with bright sunlight beating down on them, Sully and she stood hand in hand walking through the tall grass. Her hair was loose about her shoulders, the wind blowing at it every once in awhile. The feel of Sully's strong hand holding hers was what she remembered though. Their fingers were intertwined tightly as if neither was willing to let go. She wasn't aware that someone entered her father's office or of the way she smiled in her sleep.

Yet he was. David came to find her – to tell her that the young girl was awake and already feeling a little better. He wasn't prepared for the scene that greeted him. Michaela was always beautiful but there was something about her face in the early morning sun light that made it more so. Drawn to her side, he stood silently smiling as she smiled and wondering what occupied her dreams. Still believing that the hug last night held more than friendship, he leaned over her body lifting his hand to stroke gently at her cheek.

Deep inside dreams, Michaela stopped and Sully pulled her into his arms, one hand wrapping around her waist as the other cupped her cheek. "I love you," he whispered though his voice sounded different than she remembered.

David wondered if even in her state of semi-conscious she heard him for after he made his confession, she seemed to mumble something in reply. He knew he should walk away but he couldn't. Giving into desire, he lowered his mouth to her lips softly kissing the very center. He was surprised when Michaela moved back against him, participating in the moment. When her lips parted, he gasped in sheer delight amazed at the woman before him.

Michaela wrapped her arms around Sully's neck, slipping her tongue out to taste him but something was wrong. The smell, the feel, the taste – none of it was right and she hastily opened her eyes, horrified when she realized who hovered above her. "David!" she exclaimed sitting up quickly and pushing him away. "How dare you?"

At first David thought she was concerned because the kiss was so passionate. "Don't worry Michaela, I won't tell anyone." He once again made to stroke her cheek but Michaela pushed his hand away. Dropping to one knee in front of her, an apologetic look came to his eye. "I know I shouldn't have but Michaela… I have feelings."

She stood abruptly and went to fetch the white apron she wore over her clothes when working. "We all have feelings, David."

"I meant feelings for you," he said rather taken aback by her stern manner.

"Feelings I have not encouraged and never reciprocated," she reminded him. "I am unavailable David. I've made that clear time and time again."

"But your mother…"

Michaela interrupted him. "My mother is not me David. She doesn't make decisions for me. No one does." She smiled slightly at this last statement. It had never been true before but it was now.

"If that's what you are worried about, I would never take that away from you Michaela. I would give you freedom." There was a look of desperation on his face but persistence as well that made Michaela squirm. "Can I at least court you? Prove myself to you."

"I'd prefer you didn't."

"But you won't stop me?"

With a shake of her head, she laughed softly. "You're wasting your time. Seriously David you should find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else," he whispered, stepping in close again.

Michaela quickly backed away. "Suit yourself," she said flipping her hair over her shoulder as she turned. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

Later that afternoon, a weary Michaela arrived home wanting nothing more than to eat some dinner and go to bed. She had never sent word of her whereabouts assuming Marjorie had informed everyone when she returned home. Yet the scene that greeted her eyes when she stepped into the house was far from ideal. Elizabeth was frantic, pacing back and forth across the floor of the foyer. She turned when the door opened, her eyes wide with surprise. "Michaela Anne Quinn," she barked sternly.

The tone alone was enough to freeze Michaela in her tracks but the use of her full name wasn't something she'd heard since she was child. "Mother?"

"Do you know what time your sister came home last night?"

"We had an accident at the orphanage. I know she was probably later than usual.."

Elizabeth cut her off before she could say more. "It was well after two in the morning when William Burke's carriage dropped her off. If it wasn't enough that we had to deal with court proceedings and the divorce, she has to go and do something like this. You shouldn't have left her alone."

"She's a grown woman, mother. I'm not her keeper. William said he would make sure she got home and I assumed he would."

Snorting impatiently, Elizabeth turned her head to the top of the stairs. "And she's not even bothered by it. No apologies. No explanations. Walks in here humming and then straight up the stairs while I'm trying to talk to her. She won't even let me in to see her. The children are the only ones she's seen today."

"I'm tired mother," Michaela complained raising her right hand to hold her brow. "Can we talk about this later?"

"No we cannot talk about this later. Now head straight up the stairs and speak to your sister for me. Tell her that she has disgraced this family for the last time. There will be scandal for certain."

"I'll talk to her," Michaela muttered reluctantly starting up the stairs. Elizabeth continued to drone on but she blocked her out, too tired to even fight her request.

When she arrived at Marjorie's door she knocked lightly, half hoping that she would be barred entrance as well.

"Who is it?"

"Michaela," she said unceremoniously.

The door cracked open and a slit of red could be seen. "Are you alone or is she with you?"

"I'm alone." At that the door swung open widely to allow her entrance but the minute she was over the threshold Marjorie closed and turned the key in the lock. "Is this really necessary?"

Marjorie didn't answer right away. Instead, she took her time walking back to the vanity where she resumed brushing out her hair. "Mother's angry," she sighed as if it wasn't anything to be worried about.

"Why were you out so late? Were things bad enough you had to stay that long?"

"No, William took me to dinner."

Michaela raised her eyebrows, beginning to understand why her mother was upset. "Dinner last to two in the morning?"

Marjorie turned to face her again, a mysterious smile perched on her lips. "We went back to William's house unchaperoned," she laughed, emphasizing the last word particularly. "It will be a scandal." She turned back to the mirror and began to hum as she pinned her hair into place; the same unconcerned expression filling her features.

Sitting now on the edge of the bed, Michaela folded and unfolded her hands as she considered her sisters words. She wasn't sure if Marjorie's statement meant something inappropriate had occurred or not but it didn't really matter. The situation looked bad no matter what had occurred. "Mother isn't going to let this simply drop."

"I don't want her to let it drop. I had to force her hand. She'll insist on our marriage now. William is going to come by and ask father for my hand his afternoon." She smiled widely and turned proffering her hand to Michaela to reveal a large diamond.

Michaela's eyes grew wide. "He's already proposed?"

"And I already said yes."

* * *

**Colorado Springs – May 20, 1863**

When Sully left the Cheyenne camp that morning, he didn't have a direction in mind. With his bow slung over his shoulder he walked north for awhile, tracking what he believed to be a buck. The morning sun passed quickly and was soon standing overhead when Sully finally stopped to take a break. Looking around, the place was familiar and it soon occurred to him where he was. Sully leaned back against a tree and tried hard to remember how he ended up here. While it was true that he often lost track of his steps when hunting, he had purposefully stayed away from here for years and he wasn't sure he was ready to go back.

Forgetting about the deer, he raised his canteen to his lips and drank deeply wondering if he was in fact strong enough to be here. He toyed with simply going back the way he came but curiosity refused to let him. Perhaps a small peek at what had become of the house. For all Sully knew it was in complete ruin. Tentatively he took a step forward and then stopped. Closing his eyes, he raised his head heavenward and dropped to his knees. "Guide me," he whispered speaking to the spirits and asking their assistance. Since the past December, he had questioned when to stop writing her – when to officially give up. Maybe they had led him here and if they had, there must be a reason.

He rose slowly, his eyes remaining closed until he took his first step. With an urgency now, he dared to move forward. Inside his chest, his heart beat out a strong cadence growing fiercer with every movement. His palms were sweaty and his knees shaking when the roof finally came into view. Then he couldn't move fast enough. It wasn't enough to see the roof or the porch. He wanted to see it all. For three years now it had sat abandoned, the only vestige of their broken dream. By all accounts it should have been in disrepair, nature taking its toll on the uncared for dwelling.

Surprisingly it was very much intact, something Sully hadn't counted on. There were things wrong here and there. It wouldn't take much to fix most of them. Chastising himself for even thinking about repairing it, he sat down on the front steps completely obscured from view by the waist high grasses. He couldn't help but to think of the house he'd built for Abby and how unimportant that one seemed to him. The Coopers now lived there, the bank having taken the boarding house from Charlotte. Never in a million years would he have given this house to anyone. It was her, each board and plank was her.

Part of him was relieved that it stood the test of time, something their love could not do. For an hour or more he sat there, simply running a blade of grass between his fingers as he contemplated if this was a sign from the spirits. Was it possible that just like the house had survived, some remnant of their love did as well? Or perhaps this was his opportunity to say goodbye forever; to shut the door on this chapter of his life. Cloud Dancing had taught him so many things, answered numerous questions but he continued to say that this was the one thing he needed to decided for himself. Standing, Sully decided to go in, to walk the rooms one last time.

Each room brought back memories – some of Michaela and some dreams of their future. It was in the room that would have been their bedroom that it hit him the hardest and for a few moments he could do nothing but weep, grieving the loss of her. There was no conscious thought or decision after that. He simply went outside the house and began to use his tomahawk to cut at the menacing vines that wound their way around the porch railings. Next he turned his attention to the small saplings that threatened to grow their roots deep under their house, causing havoc. Sully found he couldn't let it go, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't let her go….

* * *

_I'm trying something new which is shorter chapters so that I can post more frequently and hopefully fuss less over and every word choice. This puts a slight crimp in my plans to send Michaela back to CS in 124 but know it is right around the corner. I hope to get two more such chapters up this week before I leave for Maryland on the weekend. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading._


	124. Chapter 124

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Four**

**Boston - September 25, 1863**

Josef looked at his pocket watch, only growing more irritated that she kept him waiting. It hadn't been that long ago that he began to believe that his daughter was back to her old self, but in the past few months it became increasing clear that she wanted little to do with him or the family in general. If he worked hard to get her in on a certain surgical procedure, she'd often thank him politely but turn down the opportunity. The time she spent in the orphanages and poor houses grew exponentially and he worried not only for her physical well being but for her professional career. He was trying his hardest to get her accepted as the fine doctor she was but it was difficult with her continued defiant behavior.

This morning, the last straw was broken so to speak. It wasn't enough that she went to Maryland over the summer with barely a word to anyone. She took the time off from the hospital, made provisions for her charity work and then packed a steamer trunk. As if it was an afterthought she casually announced her plans to travel to Josef, not asking permission but simply informing him. She was gone for a month and in that entire time they received one telegram informing them of her arrival. To Josef, it reminded him of his childhood when Anna did the same and though Michaela came back it was hard for him to separate the two experiences.

Still this was small compared to the embarrassment he suffered at her hands this morning. After three years, Sully's name was barely whispered in the Quinn house and Josef could see no reason to pretend that there was any further connection. The decision was made to amend his will one last time, cutting him out completely. Of course, Josef wasn't privy to his daughter's hidden thoughts or her journal entries. And if he had glimpsed her dreams, he would have known Sully was far from forgotten. Even Elizabeth didn't tell him about the letters Sully wrote each year. She simply locked them away in her desk drawer wondering when the young man would give up.

The meeting with his lawyer started simple enough. The changes were made rather easily and he was already picking up his hat to leave when the lawyer stopped him. He wanted Josef to pass word to Michaela that the sale of the property went smoothly and that everything was taken care of. Josef grew livid but knew he couldn't let it show in front of the lawyer. He'd requested that every move Michaela made be run by him for approval and he was ready to see heads roll for their lack of obedience. Yet Josef's request was about the money rather than the land and since Michaela's name was the one on file as owner, no one had even questioned the transaction.

None of that mattered though. Josef felt like a fool, an interloper in his own house and it was time to have some words with his daughter. When the office door opened he looked up sternly but Michaela didn't seem to notice. She smiled at him as she took a seat in the leather chair opposite of him, asking, "You wanted to see me father?"

"Yes, I do want to see you. I've just come from the lawyers and they informed me that you sold off some of Anna's property."

Michaela nodded without concern. "It wasn't really Anna's property but rather part of the Brooks' place. "John and Ida's daughter and son in law moved back to the area after he was injured in the war. I sold the land to them so that they could have a small farm. They are planning to build a house on the property soon."

The reason was innocent enough and certainly Josef couldn't fault her for wanting to be helpful, yet still he remained irritated. "I'd appreciate being informed of these sorts of decisions," he said plainly but the edge in his voice told of his anger.

Michaela's brow wrinkled. "I'm sorry. I suppose I didn't see any reason to tell you. It is my property."

"Yes but my name is on it as well. It's rather embarrassing to have my lawyers inform me of something of this magnitude."

She could feel herself bristle at his words. "Magnitude? I sold off a few acres of property. I wouldn't call that something of magnitude. I wasn't trying to embarrass you. It never crossed my mind that you would even be concerned."

"Of course I'm concerned. I don't want someone to swindle you out of what is rightfully yours." Josef knew it was a lie when he said it but he couldn't admit the truth, not even to himself. Years of teaching her to be independent made her independent from him as well and he found he didn't want to live with that consequence.

Michaela felt anger, white hot anger burning deep within her at his words and their implication. "I'm not stupid. I know how to manage my finances."

"I don't think you're stupid. I simply am suggesting that I have more expertise in this area and so I could guide you."

Michaela knew she couldn't argue with that statement but the look on her father's face was making her feel sick. "Perhaps I don't want to be guided." As soon as she uttered the words, she thought they sounded juvenile. More like a rebellious youngster than a grown woman.

"Michaela, what had gotten into you? You act as if you are an island instead of part of this family. All the charity work, the mysterious trip to Maryland and now the house…" He raised his eyebrows as if to question her behavior.

"You raised me to be independent." The look on her face was a cross between hurt and confusion. "This is your own doing father." With that she walked out of his office before she said something she regretted. Once again the thought of moving out of her parent's house crossed her mind and she determined to look into the possibilities.

Josef watched her leave, going through possibilities at the same time. It was never his intention for Michaela to marry but now that she was so out of control, perhaps he needed to reconsider this stance. Someone who he could control and who could in turn control Michaela would be a godsend. David came to mind first because he knew how he felt about her. He wasn't Josef's first choice by any means. If William wasn't already engaged to Marjorie, he would be more the kind of person he was looking for. David would have to do though. He placed the tips of his fingers together and sighed loudly. It was time once again to make a plan.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - November 20, 1863**

Sully sat on the floor of the homestead he built for Michaela, staring absent mindedly into the fireplace. It was easy to imagine a roaring fire there with children and family gathered around, waiting to eat Thanksgiving dinner together. Giving a shake of his head, he reminded himself that he couldn't go down that path. Ever since he began taking care of the house, he often would lose track of time imagining what it would be like if he and Michaela were married. Today he could not do that. There were too many other things to think about right now. In the morning, the Cheyenne would leave for winter camp and unlike years past Sully had yet to write Michaela his annual letter. He wasn't sure he wanted to write another one only to be disappointed once again.

Somehow Cloud Dancing knew about Sully's visits to the homestead, about the way he watched over and took care of the place. He told him that it was the same as tending his love for Michaela. Sully tried to deny it, to claim she was in the past but it was clear Cloud Dancing didn't believe him. Only recently had Sully grasped that his future still lie with her. Subtlety, Cloud Dancing hinted at it since they first met and eventually Sully came to the place where he understood what his brother was trying to tell him. The problem was that Sully's heart couldn't grasp it. Three letters and nothing in return. Though logically he knew that there was a huge possibility she wasn't even receiving them, that didn't seem to change his mindset.

If Cloud Dancing was right, why hadn't she tried to contact him? Sully sighed aloud and stared down at the blank paper in front of him. He wasn't being fair. Why would Michaela try to contact him? After all he told her that he never wanted to see her again, he pushed her away. Would writing another letter make a difference? There was always a possibility, an outside shot. Perhaps she was receiving them and thought he was being foolish. In that case, she needed to know that he wouldn't wait forever.

With his mind set, he began to write. The words were different from his other letters. Normally he asked for her forgiveness, told her once again that he didn't want to live without her. This time there would be none of that. It would be a final letter so to speak and if she didn't answer it than he would have to change his direction. He could not continue to live his life under the guise that somehow she would find her way back to him. The spirits could be wrong, he thought. Cloud Dancing could be wrong. A pain stabbed his heart and he knew that giving up on this fantasy would hurt as much as losing her in person had. That pain drove him on and he wrote things he didn't necessarily mean, in a manner that was gruff. The words were the moment rather than the true feelings of his heart and less than a year later, Michaela would read them and fear she'd lost him forever.

* * *

**Boston – December 27, 1863**

David sat across the desk from Michaela, a cocky smile perched on his face as he watched her deliberate. He knew they were talking business but he couldn't help staring at her, enraptured by the two different colored eyes. Ever since the brief kiss they shared months ago, David dreamt of it happening again. Right now he was thinking of little else than how to talk her into going to the New Year's Eve party with him. Michaela raised her head from the papers and smiled. "I'll need to have my lawyer look at these."

"Of course."

"But I think everything is in order. The price is fair." Gathering the papers into a pile, Michaela tapped them lightly on the table straightening the edges. "I can't thank you enough for being willing to part with the property."

David held up his hand to indicate she didn't need to thank him. "It's my pleasure. I know you have a hard time accepting it but I love those children at the orphanage too and I do think they deserve more than the city has to offer them. The farm with some renovations will be perfect."

"Still, it could be your home."

"I could never live so far from the city. Boston sort of gets in your blood and it's rather hard to escape it. I missed it so when I was at Yale."

"Isn't it strange how that happens?"

"You love Boston as well?" he asked, silently congratulating himself for a conversation that lasted longer than two minutes.

The color of Michaela's cheeks deepened. "I meant that some places won't let you go. I own a house in Maryland – it was my grandmother's."

"Is that where you went last summer?" Michaela nodded and looked down to hide the wide grin that accompanied thoughts of that place. "Don't hide that smile," he whispered so low that Michaela raised her head to hear him.

"Hmm?"

"That smile… it's beautiful. I'd love to see the place that makes you smile like that."

"It's not so much the place," Michaela admitted. "I spent many happy summers there. The house, the land is full of memories. Sometimes you have to remember." She believed every word she said. The trip over the summer was to remember – to remember Sully and everything he meant to her. To remember Anna and to learn how to stand on her own two feet as her grandmother had.

"Still," David replied. "I like to see you happy."

Instantly Michaela recognized the look in his eyes and grew uncomfortable. It was always a thin line she walked with him. He would claim to understand, to respect her desire to not marry but then he would revert back to his school boy antics once again. "Well I suppose I should be getting home."

"Before you go." Michaela cringed at those words, knowing they would be followed by some sort of invitation. "I have a New Year's Eve party to attend and I wondered.."

Quickly she cut him off. "No David."

"But you haven't even heard me out. I'm really asking as a favor. My mother has essentially commanded me to find a date and I simply don't know who I will ask on such short notice." Michaela wrinkled her forehead as she tried to sort through his words, unsure whether to take offense or not. Knowing that she was trying to get approval to move the state supported orphanage, David played his trump card. "The governor will be there. I'm sure you'd have an opportunity to discuss the plans for the children."

Those were the magic words and while Michaela was hesitant about encouraging David, she couldn't resist the chance to speak to the governor. The last three letters she'd written were still unanswered. Still even as she gave into the decision she was about to make, a pang of guilt flashed through her chest. It felt wrong to be going to any party with another man. This wasn't a date, she reasoned, rather it was a chance to take care of some business. Men used women all the time to advance their cause, perhaps it was about time that it worked the other way around. "I'll accompany you David but please understand that this is merely on a professional basis. I'm not interested in courting."

"I know," he said unable to resist smiling at her agreement. She rose then to leave and David walked her to the door closing it gently behind her. Leaning back against it, he grinned broadly. It had worked just as Josef said it would. If things progressed as they had only a year ago at this time, David might have given up on Michaela. When Josef had first told him of his desire to see his little girl happily married, David couldn't believe his luck. Elizabeth's encouragement propelled him forward but gaining Josef's approval was a whole new level. He didn't understand the dynamics that now existed between daughter and father. In his mind gaining Josef's support meant that Michaela would soon be his fiancé and not long after his wife.


	125. Chapter 125

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five**

**Boston – January 20, 1864**

Disembarking the carriage in front of Rebecca's house, Michaela stood stoically for a moment. To think only three days before, her biggest worry was what to do about David. She looked up at the house, thinking how Robert's sudden death placed everything in a different perspective. Rebecca, who'd been her rock for years now, needed her and Michaela was determined to be here for the entire family. Only this morning, she stood at his graveside laying a rose on the wooden coffin, still trying to accept that he was gone. Now an endless array of carriages dotted the front drive making Michaela wonder why a social gathering accompanied things like funerals. She knew inside there would be an endless amount of food and drink. That many people would leave the house inebriated, using the death as an excuse to overindulge. Giving a shake of her head, she started inside regretting that her sister had to go through this. Who wanted to stand and greet acquaintances when your husband's grave was still fresh?

Stepping inside the door, Michaela was assuaged by her mother who appeared to be alone in greeting guests. "Thank goodness you are here. Please go upstairs and try to convince Rebecca to come down."

"She's not down here?"

"No," a frantic Elizabeth replied. "Marjorie is up there now but isn't making any progress. I thought perhaps you would be more effective. Rebecca has always had a soft spot for you."

"She's grieving mother. Do you really think that she feels like hearing how sorry everyone is?"

"I don't care what she feels like doing. There is a proper way things are done and she needs to come down here." Elizabeth gave Michaela no time to protest again. Other guests were already arriving and she turned to greet them, promising that Rebecca would soon be down. Michaela had no intention of talking Rebecca down but she went up the stairs anyway, hoping to console her sister in some way. Near her sister's bedroom door stood Marjorie who looked thankful to see Michaela as well as Jacob and Emily. All three of their eyes were red and swollen and Michaela wondered if hers looked the same.

"Thank goodness you are here," Marjorie muttered. "I'm going to take these two to the kitchen. They both need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Emily insisted looking more like a lost five year old than a girl of fifteen. "We want to see mama." Michaela knew she hadn't called her mother that in years but it showed the depth of the grief they were all experiencing. Eleven year old Jacob clung to Emily's hand and nodded in agreement with his sister.

"Go with your aunt," Michaela instructed. "I'll talk to your mother. You can see her once you eat something." She knew she was promising something that wasn't certain but she was fairly confident in her abilities to convince Rebecca to see her children. Marjorie took Emily's other hand in hers and tugged gently in the direction of the backstairs. The young girl looked between her aunts and soon realized she had no choice. Reluctantly she turned to follow, pulling Jacob along with her.

Once the three of them were out of sight, Michaela felt along the top of the door frame until she found the key to open the door. Her sister always kept a spare key to the bedrooms hidden there and now it would come in quite handy. Quickly she slipped it into the lock and entered the room letting her eyes roam over the scene in front of her. Without a second's thought Michaela sat on the edge of the bed, laying a firm hand on her sister's back. "Rebecca?" she whispered gently but received no reply in return. Wishing to console her, Michaela began to rub her back humming softly as she did yet the sobs never abated.

Michaela swallowed hard against her own rising emotion, determined not to cry for her sister's benefit. Rebecca lay sideways across the bed her body encased in black. The grief in the room was palpable and each breath felt labored because of it. There seemed to be no end to Rebecca's emotion and Michaela was at loss for how to help her. She continued to rub her sister's back wishing she could take away the pain. "It's going to be alight," she whispered not really mindful of what she was saying, simply speaking the first thing that came to her mind.

Rebecca sniffled loudly and looked up at her. "Nothing will ever be alright again," she replied with a look of rage.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean… I was simply…" Michaela's voice trailed off uncertain of how to correct her mistake.

Rebecca sat up finally, wiping at her eyes and trying to compose herself enough to speak. "I just miss him so much." She dropped her eyes forlornly, her shoulders shaking with another strangled sob.

"We all do," Michaela assured her. "This place feels so empty without Robert."

Rebecca looked around the room – this was their bedroom. She took a deep breath trying to stave off the loneliness but it felt like a never ending battle. "This is the first time I've been in here since he died." Rebecca's voice was weak but she pressed herself to speak hoping that letting out her feelings would help her grief. "I've been sleeping in Anne's old room- I can't face this place without him." She paused letting her hands roam over the bed, gently fingering the coverlet. "Everyone misses him, I know that. It isn't like I'm grieving alone. The children miss him and his sister, Ella… and my family… his friends… I don't know how to explain it – maybe my loss is like theirs but it doesn't feel the same to me. They lost a father, a friend, a brother… I lost my best friend Michaela and more than that… I lost my lover."

Michaela felt her cheeks warm and knew she had blushed but if her reaction was noticed by Rebecca it didn't deter her from continuing. "He knew me as no one else ever did. When I first came to live here – that was the first time in my life that I really felt free. I love our parents Michaela but they are both so controlling- so overbearing. Robert never was – I could be myself…. When we were together…" She turned now looking deep into Michaela's eyes. "I was never so happy as when I was pregnant with our babies… oh God Michaela he's gone forever…." She threw her head down on the bed, the tears returning twofold as she pounded her hands against the mattress. Michaela placed her hand against her back once more but her mind was a million miles away.

Rebecca's words stirred longings deep inside of her, longings she tried to keep buried. At this instant, they surged to the surface, choking out all other grief as her desire to be known like that – to be loved like that came to the forefront. Babies – she wanted babies and a family and a bedroom to share with her husband. She had always wanted that but someone had convinced her to suppress those desires, the same person who had essentially chased Sully away. Controlling – overbearing… these were words Michaela didn't want to be true about her father but they were. Rebecca's use of them had freed her to admit the same thing. Freedom was not in Boston for her and it never would be. Michaela knew that her freedom – the chance to be exactly who she was- lay with one man, the only question was did he still feel the same.

* * *

**Boston – February 18, 1864**

A dark February sky cast an ominous mood over Michaela. Looking up she noticed how close she was to the house which only made her feel more cross. Silently she prayed that David wasn't there as he had been for the past two evenings. While he acted the part of a perfect gentleman at the New Year's Eve party, her agreement to accompany him obviously meant she was interested despite her protests otherwise. Now he dogged her almost constantly. He would turn up in the corridors at the hospital or hanging around the children's ward when Michaela had a shift. Often he brought little presents and no matter how many times Michaela told him it was inappropriate, he never backed down.

Wishing she'd accepted the offer to stay for dinner at William and Marjorie's, she set her face and decided to simply make the best of whatever the evening had to offer. Harrison greeted her at the front door and took her coat as always but even this normal occurrence rubbed her the wrong way. It was as if she was tried of everything in Boston, everything in this house. For almost a year now, she'd contemplated moving out but had found few choices for someone in her social position. There was always the possibility of going to Maryland but until the war was over and things more settled, she knew it was wiser to stay in the north.

Walking to the hall table, she picked out the pile of letters addressed to her from where Martha normally left them. Leafing through, she recognized Ida's handwriting immediately and smiled. It was always good to know how things were in Maryland and her brief stint there last summer only renewed her love of the place. With shaking hands, she held up the next letter. The writing was Sarah's and she swallowed hard considering what was inside. Her heart beat quickly in her chest now as she pressed both letters to her breast and made for the office door. She knew Josef wouldn't be home for awhile yet and she used the opportunity to find solitude in the window seat, still her favorite place in the house.

Curling her feet under her, she took a seat and spread the pleats of her skirt out around her. Michaela rested the letter on her lap, staring at the handwriting as if it might reveal something without even opening it. It was hard to make sense of what she was feeling at the moment, her head whirling with a wide range of emotions. There was an excitement, a hope that she knew she shouldn't even allow to surface but she couldn't' repress it. There was the desire that she felt on the day of Robert's funeral, the desire to be with Sully. Stronger than either though, was fear.

Shortly after Robert's death, Michaela wrote Sarah believing she knew Sully's whereabouts. In fact, Michaela believed that Sully was in Nevada working for Daniel as always. Though she and Sarah corresponded frequently, they both steered clear of talking about Sully. Sarah was currently pregnant with her second child and Michaela thought more than once about going west to visit her near the baby's due date. When she decided to write Sarah and ask about Sully, the desire to visit became greater because it held the chance of seeing Sully again.

How would Sully feel if she contacted him again after so much time? It wasn't that she hadn't thought about contacting him before but it had never seemed like a good idea though now she couldn't particularly remember why. Again she rearranged the pleats of her skirt until she was satisfied with the way they fell to the floor. Sully always teased her about things like this- her particular quirks. The thought made her smile and it was only then that she realized exactly why she hadn't written him. It wasn't about his reaction, rather her own. She was scared to death of being ignored or pushed away once again. Michaela wasn't sure she could take that another time – it was easier to live not knowing.

Yet now Robert's death and David's persistence changed things or perhaps simply put the important things into perspective. Again she looked down at the letter and knew the information she wanted was just inside. Quickly she opened the envelope, and dumped the paper inside out into her hand. She scanned for any mention of his name and found it dotted the letter over and over. He was still in Colorado Springs, at least that was where his letters were mailed from according to Sarah.

There was no hesitance now about what she would do. Rising she went to her father's desk and opened the top drawer to remove a piece of stationary and took a seat in the large leather chair. His quill sat in the holder as always and she quickly dipped it into the ink well. The irony of the situation almost made her laugh. Thinking that she used her father's things to contact the man he'd chased away made her smile. It was a great joke, she thought to herself continuing to write like mad. In the morning she would post the letter herself and knew she would anxiously await an answer in return.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 11, 1864**

The deer hide sat before them perfectly stretched over the fir frame. Sully sat at the far end holding onto the juniper handle and fitting the stone to the end of it. Shivering Deer waited patiently for him to fix the tool before she could continue to scrap the hide.

"Skin is nice," she remarked softly in her broken English, running her fingers over the deer hide before her.

Sully nodded. "You can speak in Cheyenne, Shivering Deer. I know English is difficult for you."

"But you smile." She touched the corner of her mouth as she spoke, indicating the way he looked when he heard English.

"It is my language. The language my heart speaks," he added.

"English make you happy?"

"I don't have to think about what the words mean because I feel them in here." He placed his hand over his heart as he spoke.

"Your heartsong? She speaks English?"

Sully didn't answer for a moment, choosing to finish securing the rock to the stick. Once that was done, he raised his head and handed her the instrument. "I do not have a heartsong."

This statement perplexed Shivering Deer for Snowbird had warned her that his heart belonged to another woman. She'd once seen him leave camp to walk the letter for Michaela to town and one of the children told her that he often did this. Of course this wasn't exactly true but the child hadn't intended to lie rather just make himself sound more important. "You write to uh.. a girl?"

Not bothering to correct her, Sully answered. "I used to. She never writes to me though. Sometimes I wish she'd write and simply tell me to leave her alone. It would be better than gettin' no answer." He spoke over her head, not meaning to but rather lost in his own thoughts.

Silently, Shivering Deer returned to the skin, scraping at the stretched out hide. There was something she wanted to ask him but now he looked so sad. Perhaps it wasn't the best time. Sully rose from his current position to go but Catherine stopped him. Standing to her full height as well, she touched his shoulder. "We… the same."

Sully's brow wrinkled, the statement worrying him slightly but he nodded. "In some ways."

Placing a hand on her heart, Catherine explained what she meant. "No family. You – no family." Again, Sully nodded. "I be your … ah…" She struggled to find the English word but it eluded her. "Nésêsónêhasêstse."

"Sister," Sully said giving her the English word.

Carefully Shivering Deer repeated. "Sis – ter."

"Right and I would be your brother."

"Bro.. brother." She smiled as Sully nodded his approval once more. Turning back to the skin, she prepared to ask what she needed to. "I sit with Two Feathers. You be my family?"

Suddenly everything became very clear to Sully. Sitting with someone in Cheyenne meant she would marry him and she was asking Sully to act as her family would. He would lead her on the horse to meet her new husband. "I'll be your family," he assured her, receiving a smile in return.

With the answer she wanted, Shivering Deer crouched back down to return to work on the animal skin. Sully meanwhile strolled off to the edge of camp, leaning back against a tree as his own thoughts began to work. Shivering Deer's questions made him think. Would he always stay here with the Cheyenne? He loved them like a family but he also felt unsettled, as if this wasn't his place exactly. Sully was happy that Shivering Deer would marry and make her life here with them. That was what he had hinted at in his last letter to Michaela but it was a lie. He had no intention of taking a wife among them as well as no desire. "Oh Michaela," he whispered softly so that only he could hear. "What am I going to do?"

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 25, 1864**

Horace shuffled onto the front porch and looked around at the town just coming alive for the day. He liked the mornings in Colorado Springs the best. The air felt crisp as the sleepy little town awoke. Yet there was another reason he liked the mornings and she was also the reason he stood here on the porch. Soon she would emerge from the saloon doors to sweep the porch and Horace would sneak sidelong glances at her. She was so petite and delicate, he could hardly believe that she actually worked in a place like the saloon. He constantly chided himself for even thinking about her but at the same time he couldn't stop. For four long years this had been his daily routine. They spoke a few times but in general this was the most contact they had throughout the day.

Without warning, he heard the noise of the telegraph and he quickly slipped inside regretting the fact that he might miss seeing her. The message was long making him even more cross and he mixed up several of the words, having to ask for a repeat message as his mind was clearly elsewhere. He sighed loudly as he finished, certain he had now missed her. The squeak of the door opening only served to make him angrier and he turned abruptly ready to take out his anger on the customer. Instead, he froze. Myra stood before him. "Can ..c..c..can I help you?" he stuttered, nerves getting the best of him.

Myra smiled and nodded. "I need to post this letter."

"Sure thing," he said taking the envelope from her and looking at the address.

"I bet bein' a telegraph operator is an excitin' job." Myra immediately felt stupid but she hadn't known what else to say. She had felt the heat of his glances for years now and wondered why he didn't come to the saloon to be with her as other men did. Of course, there was something different about him than most men and she liked that. She would almost be disappointed if he came to the saloon to see her.

"Sometimes," Horace replied. "I like it when the mail comes in cause we get letters from all over. I like thinkin' about all them places I never seen."

"Oh I would like that too." Her eyes shone as she spoke and that made Horace smile.

"What happens if a letter comes for someone ya don't know?"

"Then I send it back to the sender," Horace replied straightening his shirt collar as if his job was the most important in the world. "Sometimes I gotta hold onto mail for awhile and people will come to pick it up months later."

"Wow," Myra said admiringly not impressed in the least but wanting to be for his sake.

"Right now I got two letters for old man Ricket and for Sully. I only see them 'bout once or twice a year."

"You could ride it out to them, couldn't ya?"

Horace looked up and stroked his chin. "I ain't never thought about that. Ya reckon someday mail might be delivered right to where people are?"

Myra nodded. "And you could start it." She looked at him, excitement in her eyes and Horace smiled once again.

The smile was short lived though as Hank's voice traveled from the saloon porch. "Mrya, get back here. Don't take all day to post a letter. I got a porch that needs to be swept."

"I better go." Horace nodded and raised his hand to wave as she slipped out the door. He looked back at the cubby holes where the mail was kept thinking about what Myra had said – delivering the mail. Certainly he could take the letter to old man Rickets but Sully was out with the Cheyenne. Horace shook his head and put the thought out of his mind. There was a reason people didn't deliver the mail – it was too dangerous especially where they lived. He wasn't about to ride out to the injun camp. Sully would simply have to get his letters the next time he came to town.


	126. Chapter 126

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Six**

**Boston – August 16, 1864**

"How is Emily?" Elizabeth asked setting her teacup on the table and folding her hands in her lap.

Rebecca smiled. "She's doing well, better than Jacob really. Of course she stays busy with preparing for college."

An impatient snort escaped Elizabeth's mouth even though she tried to suppress it. "I suppose that is Michaela's doing." Settling back against the chair, she gave a shake of her head. "Rebecca you've seen the heartache Michaela has gone through, do you really think it's wise to let Emily follow in her footsteps?"

There was no response at first, Rebecca taking a moment to compose herself. She wasn't the sort to speak harshly to her mother but since Robert's death, she seemed to find her voice where her parents were concerned. As long as her husband was alive they'd stayed out of her affairs and she wanted it to remain that way. "I let my children choose their own path mother. Robert supported her aspirations and I will as well. Besides Michaela's unhappiness has more to do with you and father than her career choices. If anything, work makes her life bearable."

Taking extreme offense at Rebecca's words, Elizabeth moved to the edge of her chair. "I resent that statement. I've let Michaela make her own decisions, even if begrudgingly and your father has always supported her," Elizabeth paused here to clear her throat, "ambitions." She said the word as if it was dirty and Rebecca found her ire raised.

For a brief moment, Rebecca wondered if it was worth arguing this point with her mother. It was possible she was simply wasting her breath, that Elizabeth would never come to see things clearly. "In some ways, you have."

"And in other ways?"

Rebecca laughed but it was not because she was amused. "Are you really blind to how miserable your daughter is right now?"

Elizabeth sucked in a sharp breath and nodded. Rebecca was right – Michaela was miserable and becoming more so every day it seemed. "I thought perhaps it was Sarah's news about the second baby. I've always hoped that Michaela would wants things like that for herself, though I know better now."

Reaching over to take her mother's hand in her own, Rebecca finally understood something about her mother. The world was constantly changing and the Boston Elizabeth knew and wanted for her daughters, was fading away quickly. "I know you're never seen eye to eye with her but she does mother. She wants all the things that women want - she wants them with Sully." The statement gave Elizabeth pause and she continued to stare at the rug rather than respond. "Her recent bout of depression is because she finally wrote him but he never responded."

Guilt burned through Elizabeth as the reality of what she'd done to her daughter came crashing down upon her. He had written – four times he had written. "It's for the best," she muttered but her facial expression betrayed her. "Sully was never right for her. David… yes… he's a suitable match."

"Don't you think that's her decision?" The words echoed through the room but Elizabeth remained quiet. "I know that you hold certain things in high importance but perhaps they aren't so important. You always thought Robert was too old for me. Everett was the ideal match for Marjorie but turned out to be a nightmare. Maybe Sully isn't the most refined or even wealthy but is that really so important?"

"The right match is important." Her words were weak, her defenses crumbling. "David will be …"

Rebecca cut her off before she could continue. "Michaela doesn't love him, mother. Please don't keep pushing her or encouraging him." Elizabeth made no verbal sound but she nodded in agreement. Part of her couldn't believe she was giving in. A strange sensation began near her heart and moved outward. She felt as if a ray of sunlight illuminated her soul, the darkness of rigidity finally beginning to fade away. Yet as the light entered it brought a companion. A deep sense of regret laced with guilt crept over her and she knew she had no choice now. The letters would have to be given to Michaela.

* * *

**Boston – August 22, 1864**

Michaela hesitated looking once more at the mantle clock. Elizabeth had requested to see her when she returned from the orphanage but she put her off insisting that she needed to change her clothes first. Now she stood half dressed in front of the mirror, unbuttoning her camisole to look at her ribcage. It was a comment at the orphanage that made her curious. One of the matrons said she was looking rather thin and asked if she was feeling alright. With the last button undone, she pulled back the sides, the protruding bones of her ribcage more pronounced than usual. It wasn't as if she was purposefully trying not to eat, she simply never seemed to be very hungry. Yet now staring at the startling reality, Michaela realized she was far too thin.

The depression crept up on her slowly, growing each day that she didn't receive a reply from Sully. Even now months later, she checked the hall table holding onto some small grain of hope. The ramifications of her depression never occurred to her until today when someone else noticed. Now she looked closely at her face, the dark circles under her eyes and sunken cheeks speaking of her mental state as well. What had she expected when she wrote Sully anyway? It had been four years – four long years. Had she really expected him to pine for her all this time? Did she really think that what they shared was that special?

As she rebuttoned her camisole, she wiped a stray tear from her cheek. There was no fooling herself – she did think their love was that special. Yet she couldn't allow that to control her anymore. It was time to take the reigns in her life, to make of herself what she wanted. There were no more questions in her mind that she would leave Boston – that she had to leave Boston. Now only to choose her destination, perhaps Maryland first and then onto Nevada. She wanted to be where she was needed and from what Sarah wrote, Nevada could use a few more doctors.

The possibility of telling her mother of her plans today occurred to her as she dressed for dinner. The thought thrilled her but she decided to wait to see what her mother wanted to discuss. She wasn't really concerned, her mother's idea of important talks usually boiled down to some minor social infraction she'd committed. Her feet were soundless on the stairs so that she took Elizabeth was taken by surprise when her daughter suddenly showed up in her office doorway.

"You wanted to see me."

"Yes have a seat," Elizabeth said nervously. Michaela could hear the quiver in her mother's voice only making her more anxious. Extending her hand, Elizabeth indicated the chair to the left of her desk. Michaela sat on the edge of the chair unable to allow herself to relax. Her hands anxiously twisted the fabric of her skirt as if she was a little girl waiting to hear her punishment for some mischievous deed. Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked Michaela in the eyes wondering if she was making the right decision. Before she could change her mind, she quickly began to speak. "David came to see your father and me a few days ago."

"Oh," Michaela said feeling the familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What did he want?" she asked though she already knew the answer.

"He came to ask for our permission to seek your hand in marriage."

Michaela swallowed hard. The palms of her hands had gone all sweaty and she wiped them off on her skirt. "What did you tell him?"

"Your father told him that the choice was yours. That you could make up your own mind

and that we would be happy with whatever you decided."

Michaela looked up at her mother and began to laugh. "That's what he said."

"That's what he said," Elizabeth repeated. Michaela laughed again at the irony of that statement. After feeling hemmed in for so long it was hard for her to believe that she had ever made up her own mind. Elizabeth reached over and picked up a small bundle of letters. She fingered the string that bound them together wondering again if she was doing the right thing. No she wasn't doing the right thing – the right thing would have been to never keep these letters from Michaela. What she was trying to do was make things right. "I have done something I am not proud of," Elizabeth admitted.

Michaela looked up at her mother again and saw the look of fear on her face. "What?" Michaela asked as she moved even closer to the edge of her seat.

"Four years ago when you returned from Colorado, I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I knew your going out there was a mistake. I knew you had not gotten over Sully so soon but your father wouldn't listen to me. He believed what you told him. I don't blame him. I'm not sure he has ever understood the complexities of the heart."

Michaela let out a ragged breath. "I don't really need a trip down memory lane mother," she said standing abruptly.

"Please stay," Elizabeth asked her voice gentle. "There is more I need to tell you." Michaela sat back down reluctantly as even now she felt the old wounds ripping open. "In December of that year a letter came for you. The return address was Colorado and I knew who it was from. I didn't know what was in the letter. I never opened it but I knew whatever it was would only serve to upset you and the rest of the family as well."

Elizabeth looked over at Michaela expecting her angry reaction but Michaela remained quiet as she took in what her mother was saying. "I really believed I was doing the right thing. I really believed I was protecting you." Elizabeth's voice was pleading with Michaela to try to understand her motives.

"What did you do with the letter?" Michaela asked her voice void of all emotion.

"I was going to destroy it. I remember walking into the morning room to throw it in the fire but I couldn't. For awhile I kept it locked in my desk and occasionally I would take it out and decide again to burn it but I never did."

Michaela looked at the neat bundle her mother's right hand was fingering. "You still have it?" she asked her eyes growing wider.

Elizabeth nodded her head. "And others – he has written you every year at Christmas."

Michaela felt her hands begin to tremble at the thought that Sully had been writing her. "I've kept them all," Elizabeth whispered. "I don't know why I've kept them but when I realized how unhappy you still are…when David came…." Elizabeth's voice drifted off as her face contorted into a grimace. "These are yours," she whispered picking up the small stack by the string and holding them out to Michaela.

Michaela reached out a trembling hand to take them and then laid them in her lap. Looking down, she nervously untied the string wondering what she would find within. Her heart sped up as her eyes fell on the familiar handwriting. With her finger she traced her name written by his hand and felt the first tear fall. Quickly she gathered the letters in her arms and ran from the room.

At first she made a beeline for the stairs but changing her mind as her foot touched the first step, she turned and ran through the dining room. Throwing open the kitchen door, she startled Martha and Fiona, whispering a hasty apology as she continued on to the back porch. Still grasping the letters to her chest, she stopped momentarily to free her feet of the stockings that she wore, tugging at them impatiently until they were off. Then she ran, she ran the length of the backyard until she took shelter in the tree she always considered theirs. For a moment she contemplated climbing it but instead she dropped to the ground, her back resting against it.

There was a terrible anticipation that made her hands shake as she spread out the letters in front of her. Conflicting thoughts and emotions froze her. She badly wanted to see his handwriting, to know that he cared enough to write. Yet she didn't want to know what they said. Right now, she could believe he still loved her, still wanted her as much as he always did. Would that still be true once she opened them? Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and relaxed the tension in her body. Logic took over and she soon reasoned that he wouldn't write four letters to say that he hated her.

Taking one more deep breath, she opened her eyes and picked up the first of the four. Her fingers trembled as she turned it over and slipped her finger inside the back flap to open it. Once the corner was opened, she couldn't finish the job fast enough almost ripping letter. Trying hard to make her eyes focus, she read through the first words quickly and then reread it twice more before the words sank in.

_Michaela,_

_It's been too long and you probably think I don't care, that I'm still angry. I need to say I'm sorry for everything but mostly for pushing you away. I keep trying to write why I did it but every time it's just ends up as a list of excuses. When you broke our engagement that hurt so bad and I never wanted to hurt you like that, though I know I have. Truth is I made a mistake, one that I regret daily. There is nothing else to do but beg your forgiveness. I love you, Michaela and I want to be part of your life. _

_Sully_

The words were her heart perfectly and she smiled as she read that he felt the same. Quickly she tore open the next two, the words similar to this one though ending with his asking for her reply. Already Michaela found herself making plans. She would go west as soon as possible. David could take over the work at the orphanages with William's help. No one at the hospital would miss her. The hardest part would be leaving Rebecca now but her sister would understand and support her. As she worked on opening up the last letter, she imagined herself standing in front of Josef and Elizabeth, announcing her independence so to speak. She smiled as she thought about the look on David's face. He'd become downright annoying recently and to know that he planned to ask her to marry him was like a slap in the face when she'd made it perfectly clear how she felt. Perhaps she would ask William to oversee the orphanages. It was wise to keep David out of her affairs from now on.

Dumping the letter into her lap, it never occurred to her that this one would be different from the others. It wasn't until the third line that the negative tone of the letter became truly apparent. Michaela felt her heart freeze but her eyes continued to move over the words, praying that something might change.

_Michaela,_

_You've probably moved on and it's time for me to do the same. I'm tired of waiting for letters that never come. Apparently you see no future for us and I've finally come to accept that. I'm tired of seeing the house I built for us stand empty. I finally found a place for me in this world and it's time to accept that place. I've never wished you anything but happiness. I had thought that we'd find it together. It's clear now I was wrong. All I can do is wish you a happy life._

_Sully_

The words were like a fresh slap in the face and she couldn't help but to relive everything that had occurred last time she was in Colorado - the reunion only to be followed by the let down. Anger poured through her at the same time, anger turned towards her mother and father. Once again they managed to keep the two of them apart. Standing she gathered the letters in her arms and ran as fast as she could for the house. She felt as if she could run forever until all the anger left her body but she came to the house before that happened.

She passed quickly through the kitchen again and ignored her father's presence in the foyer as she made for the stairs. Michaela never noticed her mother standing in the doorway of the morning room.

"Michaela," Josef called watching his daughter receding up the stairs. She stopped and turned, anger burning deep in her eyes. "How was your day?"

A laugh escaped her lips and Josef recognized the tone – it was the same Elizabeth used when she was being sarcastic. Michaela could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and she knew that now was not the moment to fight with him. "You want to know how my day was? Same as every day here in the Quinn jail." With that she turned and rushed up the stairs before emotion took over. There would be a day when she would tell him exactly how she felt but for now she needed time to grieve her fresh loss.

Josef turned to look at his wife. "What was that about?"

Elizabeth took a deep breath. She hadn't considered the repercussions of the letters beyond telling Michaela about them. Josef didn't know of them either and she wasn't sure how he would take this. "I gave her Sully's letters."

"Sully's letters?"

"He's been writing but I'd kept the letters from her." Elizabeth leaned against the door frame, her eyes never leaving her husband.

Josef still looked confused. "I don't understand. Did she find the letters?"

"I already said that I gave them to her. They were hers, it was wrong for me to keep them in the first place." She could sense his growing anger but Elizabeth wasn't concerned, she rarely backed down from a fight.

"I don't understand why you would do that." Josef narrowed his eyes. "We've agreed that Sully isn't right for her. Why would you go and upset her like this?"

Elizabeth straightened. "I've upset her? Open your eyes. She's not been herself in a long time."

Knowing he couldn't argue, Josef tried to play the trump card that he always used when she was younger. "You don't even know your own daughter."

"You're right Josef, I don't but you're fooling yourself, if you think you do." With that she moved past him headed for the stairs.

* * *

_Thanks for sticking with me everyone!!! Michaela goes to CS at the end of next chapter!!_


	127. Chapter 127

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven**

**Pennsylvania countryside - August 30, 1864**

Night deepened as the train rolled on towards St. Louis. The beds were all turned down in the sleeper cars, most of them full of sleeping passengers. Michaela Quinn was no exception. Exhausted from nights of sleeplessness the gentle rocking motion of the train quickly lulled her into a light slumber. Her eyelids blinked rapidly, signaling the onset of a dream. The images were vivid, as vivid as the real event was.

She was in Marjorie's formal dining room trying hard to smile and nod at the conversations around her. The task was not an easy one for her, having only received Sully's letters the day before. Wishing she was home, her eyes caught sight of Marjorie grinning widely with William's arm around her waist. This was why she'd come – to support her sister. When William and Marjorie wed there was no formal reception due to Elizabeth's desire to keep the affair private. Tonight's anniversary party was supposed to make up for the missed event. David was seated at a separate table from her, Marjorie's handiwork for which Michaela was grateful. Still his presence loomed over her, his eyes following every move she made. The thought that he might choose tonight to ask for her hand crossed Michaela's mind but she quickly brushed it aside knowing that even he wouldn't be foolish enough to steal Marjorie's thunder.

Yet David stood, tapping his glass gently to get everyone's attention. The air in the room grew thick and Michaela found she was unable to focus on the faces around her. She blinked her eyes rapidly as her head grew dizzy. He turned and began to walk towards her. Michaela knew what was coming but felt powerless to stop it. Leaning her head to one side, she brought her hand up to her forehead. Now he was standing just in front of her and reaching in his pocket.

"No," her mind screamed.

"Michaela Quinn and I have been courting for awhile as many of you are aware." The words confused Michaela. Courting? Did he consider them courting? Did others think so? David was still speaking but Michaela missed the words, her mind unable to grasp what he was saying. Turning towards her, he held out a small box. "Will you marry me?"

Her stomach lurched as the words tumbled from his mouth. The room was still, too still. Every eye was on her. She gasped for air but she couldn't breathe as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Again, she tried to grasp for a breath, but her throat wouldn't open. There was a burning sensation in her chest as dryness claimed her mouth.

"I," she hesitated.

"Michaela," he called with a look of concern on his face. Then she was falling, crashing into the blackness as she cried out, "Oh Sully, what have I done?"

Michaela awoke with a start, sweat drenching her body making her nightdress stick to her skin. Sitting up, she took large gulps of air trying to calm her nerves. Gently she pulled her hair off the back of her neck hoping that might cool her down some. The sights, the sounds – it had all felt so real. Reliving the moment once again, even as part of her dreams, was horrid. Michaela took a deep breath closing her eyes momentarily. She hadn't called out for Sully in real life though; instead she crashed to the floor, bringing Marjorie's anniversary party to a crashing halt. Quickly she was whisked upstairs by William as Marjorie pulled David to the side to give him a piece of her mind

A shiver ran through her body as she calmed and Michaela snuggled back under the bedcovers. The pillow felt lumpy now and she punched at it, knowing that her nervousness could easily keep her awake. She needed to have no expectations of what was awaiting her. Each day would be a new adventure, taken individually as they came to her. That was how she would get through – one day at a time. Michaela turned over, the last thought through her mind of Sully, hoping any further dreams would be of him.

* * *

**Boston – August 30, 1864**

The Burke carriage pulled up in front of the Quinn residence coming to an abrupt halt. Inside Marjorie gave her mother's hand a quick squeeze. "I'll come in with you if you like. I don't mind telling him."

"No," Elizabeth shook her head, "but thank you for the offer. I need to tell him myself." Elizabeth sighed unhappily but knew she could not put this unpleasantness off any longer. She didn't fear Josef, she just simply didn't see any point of fighting about Michaela's departure and she knew it would come to that eventually. "You're father may be unreasonable but I'm rather stubborn myself." Her eyes sparkled and Marjorie couldn't help but smile, reassured by her mother's words.

"Well thank you for dinner and I'll stop by in the morning to see how things went."

"You're welcome. Now hurry on home. You shouldn't be out in your condition anyway."

Marjorie gave a nod of her head, pressing her lips tightly together. She and William had found out they were expecting a baby shortly before their anniversary and had planned to announce it that night before David's untimely proposal. Still she was glad she was able to tell Michaela before she left. "Night mother," she whispered as she watched her slip out into the Boston night. From the carriage window she watched her mother, enter the house, only signaling to the driver to leave when Elizabeth was safe inside.

Elizabeth opened the front door and stepped into the house bracing herself for what was to come. She hadn't even taken off her coat before Josef was in the foyer. His eyes were flashing with something akin to fear or maybe it was anger. Elizabeth turned to face him waiting for the clash she knew was coming.

"Have you seen Michaela today?" he demanded.

"Why?"

"I just went to her room and she wasn't there. She left this note on my desk in the library." He thrust a piece of Michaela's stationary towards her. Elizabeth looked down but she didn't read it because she already knew what it said. Quickly, she looked back at Josef. "We have to go after her," he exclaimed. "She can't go to Colorado by herself. She's sick and half out of her mind."

"No she isn't," Elizabeth said her voice low.

Josef furrowed his brow. "Elizabeth she hasn't come out of her room in a week and then today she packs up and leaves. Tell me she isn't mentally unstable."

"She's not. She was probably more rational and sane today than she has been in a long time."

"Did you see her today?" Elizabeth nodded in response as she took a deep breath. "Did you know she was leaving?"

"Yes," she replied her voice a little louder than before.

"Why didn't you stop her? " Josef exclaimed as he clenched his fists at his sides.

"Don't yell at me Josef. I refuse to sit around and watch our daughter suffer through this unhappiness."

"What unhappiness? She has everything she could possibly want. She's practicing medicine. David proposed to her."

"Michaela turned him down this morning," Elizabeth informed him. Josef's mouth dropped open in surprise. "You're right Josef – everything is here for her. Everything except the one thing she wants."

"We have to go get her Elizabeth. We can't let her go. She is in no state to travel."

"It's too late," Elizabeth whispered moving past Josef toward the stairs.

"It isn't too late! We have to get her."

Elizabeth turned back towards Josef. His face was even more frantic than before. "Josef don't waste your time. I put her on the train myself and I stood there and watched it pull away. She's gone."

* * *

**Ohio countryside – August 31, 1864**

As Michaela sat in the dining car the next morning, the young girls nearby caught her attention. They were giggling over some secret that they kept whispering to each other. Michaela had an idea it was about the waiter who was rather handsome and making quite a fuss over the three young sisters. A stern look from their mother broke off the commotion, silencing them completely as she bid them return to their breakfast.

Michaela realized she hadn't even touched her own breakfast and began to eat heartily, finding her missing appetite finally. The mother reminded her of Elizabeth and the stern looks she'd often received as a child. When she was young, her father told her she was too much like her mother and that was why they didn't get along. Before this week, she never wanted to be compared to her but perhaps she was finally beginning to understand how they were alike. While Elizabeth was the cause of her agony in many ways, she was also a part of the impetus that drove her to board this train. It was hard to imagine – Elizabeth pushing her to go to Colorado. Yet that was Elizabeth's clear intention from the moment she gave her the letters. She showed up outside her bedroom door only a few hours later, refusing to be denied admittance.

The door wasn't locked though so after her mother called her name softly once more, she simply turned the knob. The door opened to reveal Michaela sitting in the floor surrounded by piles of letters. Elizabeth knew who they were from without even asking but she was surprised that Michaela had held onto them all this time. "Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

Michaela looked up at her with tear stained cheeks. "I don't know, "she whispered, a look of desperation on her face. "I don't know. I need to find something. I lost something and I need to find it."

"What did his letters say?" she asked ignoring Michaela's ranting for now.

Michaela picked up one letter from the floor and threw it towards her mother. "I'm sorry!" she screamed. "They all say I'm sorry… all but this last one. This last one says maybe things are better this way. This one here… this line right here… this one says he is moving on. And you know what… I'm glad. I'm really glad for him because things are better this way."

Elizabeth considered her for a minute and then spoke carefully. "You don't mean that."

"What do you care?" she railed, standing quickly and putting her mother on guard. "You're the one who kept the letters! If you'd given them to me I would have known. I would have gone to him. It's too late now! Too late!" With that she fell on the bed, sobbing into her pillow. Elizabeth sat down beside her, trying to soothe her by rubbing her back.

"It's not too late," she whispered. "It can't be too late."

Now just as then, Michaela wondered if her mother's words were more to soothe her conscience rather than her grieving daughter. Yet even if the actions were partially selfish, Elizabeth was thinking mostly of her daughter and that became obvious as the week continued. She rallied Rebecca and Marjorie to the task of convincing her. Rebecca gently nudged her while Marjorie was more direct insisting that she was making a horrible mistake not to go.

When Marjorie first showed up two days after the botched proposal, she marched right up the stairs and knocked on Michaela's door. Lying listlessly on the bed, Michaela contemplated the ceiling as fat tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes wetting the pillow. The knock came again, this time louder and more insistent.

"Michaela, please let me come in," Marjorie pleaded through the door.

"The door is open," Michaela called still not moving from her spot. The door was always open, she thought to herself. She wasn't barring anyone save David who she couldn't stand to face just yet.

Marjorie turned the knob and entered the room, swiftly shutting the door behind her. She looked over at Michaela, noticing her disheveled state and the permanent redness of her eyes. "Michaela, how long are you going to hide up here?"

"I'm not hiding. I'm sick," she replied turning on her side away from her sister.

Marjorie sat down on the side of the bed and placed her hand on Michaela's shoulder. "Michaela, look at me," she said gently but Michaela refused to budge.

"He is going to ask me to marry him," she whispered.

"I know," Marjorie said. "I was there."

"I don't love him."

"I know."

"What am I going to do?" Michaela asked as her body started to shake with her own sobs.

"You are going to tell him just that," Marjorie said as she lovingly stroked her sister's arm. "And then you are going to get on a train and go to Colorado."

"But I can't," Michaela sobbed.

"Michaela, don't you think you've tortured yourself long enough? There comes a point when you stand up and say enough is enough. It's time you made yourself happy," Marjorie paused here feeling her eyes fill with tears. "Don't end up like me Michaela. I was stuck in a loveless marriage when I could have had so much more. This is your chance. Leave Boston, get away from here."

"But what if…"

Marjorie didn't let her finish. "I know you love Sully and I want you to go to him but I also want you to get out of here. Go to Nevada where Sarah is if thing don't work out with Sully. But don't come back here – there's nothing that Boston can offer you except more heartache." Marjorie grew quiet for a moment, introspective and that captured Michaela's interest. "You know I've never told anyone this but Paul wanted me to run away with him."

Michaela sat up in the bed, taken by surprise at her sister's words. "Run away?"

"Do you know that every time Everett beat me, I thought about his offer? I would have rather been damned for living a life of sin than suffer what I did at my rightful husband's hands. Don't let that happen to you."

"You really loved him, didn't you?" Michaela asked now turning back towards her sister.

"I did," Marjorie replied. "He called it courtly love because he knew it would never come to anything. I should have fought harder Michaela. I should have left Boston with him." Tears now leaked down Marjorie's cheeks as she remembered her own sacrifices. "Please don't' make the same mistakes I did."

The emotion of Marjorie's plea touched her but also the perspective. This going west wasn't only about Sully. It was about herself. Boston was stifling her with its formal rules and expected roles of woman. The doctors, her colleagues, disappointed her constantly with their narrow minds and uncaring attitudes for the poor. This would be a chance to start over – to find herself and hopefully to find love along the way. Yet even if Sully was already… she couldn't bring herself to even think the word, though she recognized it was a possibility. Still the thought of Sully…

"Miss are you finished?" Michaela awoke from her trance; the waiter's face now looming before her. The smile quickly faded as she nodded. "Was it something I said?"

Michaela looked perplexed. "I'm sorry."

"That smile. I'm not sure what I did to make it go away." He picked up her plate and glass, his eyes still glued to hers.

"Oh I was thinking about someone…" She blushed as she admitted the truth wondering why she was so open with a complete stranger.

"To be that someone." He gave her a slight bow as he backed away.

The thought that her feelings showed so clearly on her face worried her. It would not be easy to hide when she faced him eye to eye. Would it be the same for him? When she'd come to Colorado Springs for his wedding to Abby, the look in his eyes was there. What if this time it wasn't? It would be one thing to know that he belonged to someone else and another thing to see his blue eyes void of feeling for her. Michaela shivered involuntarily and folded her arms over her stomach, the nausea already beginning. Today would be a long day.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – September 2, 1864**

Cloud Dancing wiped his hands on his buckskins, smiling at the fish he'd caught strung on the line still dangling in the river. He looked downstream to where Sully sat, his own pole bobbing haphazardly in the shallows. Slowly Cloud Dancing approached him, considering carefully what had his brother so preoccupied today.

"Catching much?" he asked with a quizzical look on his face.

Sully gave a shake of his head, coming out of his thoughts slowly. "I…uh… no… not catching much."

"Mind if I sit down?" Sully gave a shake of his head and pulled his line back in only to find the bait was gone. He reached down into the pail at his feet to procure another worm, expertly threading it onto the hook. "You look troubled my friend."

Sully recast his line into deeper water before answering. "Nah – just not sleeping well."

"Dreams?" Cloud Dancing asked, raising his eyebrows at his brother. Sully closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "Of her?"

"Yeah," Sully answered his voice thick with emotion. There was no denying things like this when he was with Cloud Dancing, who seemed to know his mind better than he did at times.

"Do you still doubt that this is a sign from the spirits, my brother?"

Sully turned away from Cloud Dancing's gaze. "How can they be a sign? I don't dream of the future. I dream of the past."

"What do these dreams show you?"

"They're always different," Sully replied, wishing he would stop questioning him.

Cloud Dancing considered this for a moment and then asked, "What did you dream of last night?"

"It was when we were young, the first summer we had spent at Anna's house. We had both fallen asleep on the boat. I woke to her soft caresses on my cheek," Sully stopped now touching his cheek remembering how it had felt. "Then I lean over to kiss her."

"Do you kiss her?"

Sully smiled with his face turned towards the water but Cloud Dancing still saw it. "Yeah and that's the funny part because I didn't kiss her then. We were interrupted."

"And you don't think the spirits are speaking to you?" Silence met his question but Cloud Dancing didn't press. He knew what Sully was struggling with and if he was honest he was having the same struggle. It was hard to believe that they would find there way back to one another after so much time. Helping Sully to move on made more sense but he couldn't deny what the spirits showed him.

Sully gave his line a flick a few times and then turned to face his brother. "You think they are?"

"The kiss was interrupted the first time. Am I right?" Sully nodded. "But in your dream, it is not?" Sully nodded again. "Why was the kiss interrupted when you were younger?"

"Dinner was ready."

"So why didn't you kiss her and then go eat dinner?" A slight smile played at Cloud Dancing's mouth.

"I guess we were afraid of being caught kissing," Sully shrugged not sure where the conversation was headed.

"Fear- it has imprisoned both of you for many years – that is what the spirits are saying." Sully wrinkled up his forehead. "That will not be so anymore. Fear will release both of you so that your hearts may once again find one another."

"I wish that could be true but you don't understand Cloud Dancing. The things I said to her, they were awful. She probably hates me and I don't blame her if she does. Besides, she's all the way on the other side of the country. She is the past – I need to move on with my life."

"Is that what you want to do?" Cloud Dancing asked. Sully sighed heavily, closing his eyes once again while confusion overtook him. After a moment Cloud Dancing stood to return to his place upstream. He faced Sully once more before walking back. "Remember that he who forgets the past has no future." With that, he turned and left soundlessly, leaving Sully alone to contemplate his words.

* * *

**Between Denver and Colorado Springs – September 3, 1864**

Staring down at the basin of water, she shook her head. Already the water was dirty and Michaela knew it was pointless. The dust kicked up by the wheels of the stagecoach coated her clothes and skin and there was no way to get completely rid of it. What's more she still had the ride to Colorado Springs during which she would simply be coated again. Straightening, Michaela looked into the old cracked mirror in order to tidy her hair. She was glad that this last stage of the journey was almost over as she was exhausted beyond measure. Yet at the same time, knowing the end was near also meant she would soon know Sully's fate and ultimately her own.

Her eyes settled on the necklace at her neck and she couldn't help but smile. She wore two chains today – one was long, hidden beneath her shirt. The other was her grandmother's and lay on the outside of her traveling dress. Looking at it gave her courage as she imagined it clasped around Anna's neck as she fled Boston for Maryland. In the same way Michaela was escaping, freeing herself of everything that held her captive for too long. Just as her mother and sisters encouraged her to go, Anna was a part of her decision to leave as well. It didn't matter that her grandmother was no longer alive. Her memory lived on and it had been reconnecting with that memory that finally convinced her.

Michaela's mind skipped back to the day she made her decision. After close to a week of feigning sickness, she grew tired of her room. Pulling herself out of bed, she staggered over to her vanity for the first time in days. The hair that she usually kept neatly brushed and pulled back was frizzy and unkempt. Her cheeks were sallow and drawn from her self imposed hunger strike. She looked akin to a ghost or a patient in the mental ward at the hospital. Running her fingers along the smooth wood of the vanity's edge, she stopped when she reached her jewelry drawer knowing what was inside. As if it had burned her, she quickly moved her hand away picking up her hairbrush instead to begin working through the massive tangles. She was neither gentle nor patient but pulled at them ripping hair here and there. Soon her hair was smooth again and she tied it back with a bit of string she found lying on the vanity.

Again, she looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased that she at least looked more human now. Pinching her cheeks until they turned red, she brought some color to her face. Yes, this was much better, she thought to herself. As if these simple tasks had renewed her spirit, she reached for her jewelry drawer and pulled it open. The letters lay there in the same place she had put them on the night of Marjorie's party. Hastily, she pulled them out and set them to the side. As she did her eyes glimpsed the locket that Anna had given her so many summers ago. Her fingers closed over it and she lifted it from the velvet lined drawer fingering the chain between her forefinger and thumb. Looking in the mirror she undid the clasp and placed the locket around her neck, securing it in place. Her fingers caressed the necklace as words long forgotten returned to her.

When Anna had given her this locket, she told her to never be afraid to risk. Going to Colorado would be one of the biggest risks she had ever taken in her life. Again, she looked at the letters that Sully had sent her for the last four Christmas' and then again at the locket. Her father's face came to mind and she recalled how Anna had told her to be strong and courageous and to never fear any man.

Rising suddenly she went to her closet and took out her traveling bag. Her mind was made up, her decision firm. She hadn't wavered after that moment and even now when her stomach was tied in knots, she regretted nothing. Soon the waiting would be over. The end of the road was at hand, the stagecoach waiting to carry her forward to her destiny.


	128. Chapter 128

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight**

**Northern Colorado Territory – September 3, 1864**

Sully awoke before anyone else in camp haunted by a strange dream. Three times last night the same vision had come to him, taunting him with a future that he knew would never be. Blaming it on his frequent visits to the homestead, he promised himself to look into selling the place as soon as he returned from his journey north. Even now sitting at the edge of the camp, he could still feel the warmth of the fire upon his face, the tiny baby asleep against his chest. He could feel her hands on his bare shoulders and her soft lips upon his neck. Sully didn't need to see her face, he knew who it was.

The first time he awoke, he found his body still aroused from the mere thought of her hands touching his bare skin. This hadn't surprised him, thinking of her often had an untold reaction on his body but for it to happen now after so much time surprised him.

The next time he awoke, there was only a lingering sadness as if he'd lost something he would never again get back. It was the usual feeling of discomfort that accompanied thoughts of what might have been. Again he vowed to change his thinking – it was time to live life without her. Yet the third time was different. A strange feeling overcame him and he rose, knowing sleep would be impossible. The air smelled different to him, almost as if it carried the scent of her. He chucked it up to imagination and tried hard to clear his head once more but found she wouldn't leave him alone. In four years she hadn't seemed this vivid and alive to him, almost as if she was near.

The crackle of leaves alerted him to someone's presence and he turned to see Two Feathers standing a short distance away. The regal features gave Sully pause and he didn't speak for fear of disturbing the peace that still enveloped the camp. Two Feathers walked closer and sat down beside Sully drawing his legs up under him. "Troubled?" The voice was rich and deep, perfect English much like Cloud Dancing's. He turned with a look of surprise to find a soft smile on the young man's face. "I have been learning."

"You have learned well." Sully could see the pride the brave took in his words as once again silence settled between them.

Two Feathers shook his leg nervously, wondering how to broach the subject with Sully. The situation was delicate he knew but it was necessary for him to know, if only for his own sanity. "Soon I will sit with Shivering Deer."

Sully turned towards him again, wondering why Two Feathers was telling him this as if he didn't know. After all they were going north expressly for the reason of uniting the two in marriage. Two Feathers was from the northern Cheyenne and his wish was for them to be near his family.

"Does this trouble you?"

Sully suddenly understood and quickly spoke to erase any insecurities that the young man held. "I am her brother, nothing more."

"She says you are the same - that you understand each other. That is hard for me to hear."

In response Sully nodded thinking that he wouldn't want his future wife to say that about another man either. "She only means that we know what it is like to be different, to not have a family. Now you will be Shivering Deer's family and we will not be so alike anymore."

This made Two Feathers smile, something he hadn't thought of himself. "You will take a wife? I have many sisters."

A gentle laugh escaped Sully's mouth as he tried to explain. "I will not marry." That only produced confusion for Two Feathers. Marriage was a normal part of life in the tribe and to remain unmarried was an anomaly he had never considered.

"You will not marry?"

The question brought back a flash of the dream for some strange reason and Sully was able to identify the feeling in his heart for the first time. It was hope. The words cam out slowly from some place deep inside that he didn't even know existed anymore. "Someday… I might…"

Two Feathers nodded and smiled, the answer satisfying his curiosity. He rose to return to the camp but Sully didn't notice. "Michaela," he whispered into the morning and then shivered. He felt her – he didn't know why buy he definitely felt her.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – September 3, 1864**

Stopping the horse momentarily on the side of the beaten path, she looked around feeling her fear return stronger than before. It had been four long years since she had traveled this road but today she had no idea what waited for her at the end of it. Four years ago, Abigail had brought her down this path to show her the house that Sully had built for them. Four years ago when she rode into Colorado Springs, she had known Sully was engaged. She had known what she was facing even though she wasn't prepared to face it. But now- the possibilities were endless. There was no way to know.

Her original plan had been to ask after Sully in town- to find out if he was still in the area though she was pretty sure he was. But something had drawn her out to the homestead that Sully had built for Abigail. When she had alighted from the coach, she had gone straight to the livery and hired a horse for the afternoon. Her first thought had been to ask after Sully at the livery but the man was not the same one from four years ago. Instead it was a black gentleman named Robert E. He had been nice enough and Michaela was glad that he hadn't asked many questions because she had not felt up to answering them. Rationally she knew this was not the way to go about things. She should have secured a room in town, she should have telegraphed someone to let them know she had arrived safely and she should have gathered information before riding out here all alone. Now it was too late – there was no turning back.

What if Sully had since taken a wife? What if she rode up to the homestead to find a woman hanging laundry and a small child playing in the yard? What would she say? Would she introduce herself as Sully's sister? Just thinking about this cut her to the quick and the pain that had burned deep within her every day for the past four years rose to the surface and threatened to spill out in all too common tears. Again she felt as if her heart was ripping in two but the feeling had become almost commonplace now – the pain never diminished but somehow she had learned to live with it. It had almost killed her watching Sully with Abigail. A conversation from a long time ago drifted to the forefront of her mind – How would it feel to know that Sully loved someone else? Of course she had thought he had loved Abigail but that hadn't exactly been true. Had that given her a false sense of hope? Was she so prideful that she had assumed she would always be the love of Sully's life? That even after all this time he would still be pining for her like she was for him.

Her first reaction was to turn around and head back to town but quickly she dismissed it. It was best to get it over with quickly instead of drawing it out. If Sully was married that was that, she would leave him alone and maybe she would even find the closure she had been missing for so long. Maybe just maybe the old wounds would finally begin to heal. Turning suddenly she dug her heels into the horse's side urging him on at a frantic pace, slowing only as she approached the last bend before the house. A small curl of smoke told her that someone was in fact at the house and her excitement grew along with her nerves.

As she rode closer, she saw a young blond haired boy in the yard and her heart fell. Could this be Sully's son? He looked to be around four or five but maybe Sully had married a widow who already had children. Slowly she dismounted the horse and led him the short distance to the edge of the barn, her eyes focused on the small boy trying to see any resemblance to Sully. The boy looked up at her, his eyes locking with hers as a wide smile spread over his face. "Hi," he said raising his small hand to wave at her.

"Hello," Michaela returned feeling a smile spread over her face as well. "Is your father or mother here?" Michaela asked looking around.

"Ma," he called out in the direction of the house. Someone appeared in the doorway but the sun's glare obstructed Michaela's view momentarily.

"Hello," said a warm voice. "Don't I know you?" The woman began to descend the stairs and a sense of relief settled in Michaela's chest. She did in fact know this woman and this boy had been a baby the last time she had seen him.

"Charlotte Cooper?" Michaela asked tentatively though she knew it had to be her.

"Dr. Mike," Charlotte said surprising Michaela by greeting her with a warm hug. "Must say didn't expect to see ya again."

"I know," Michaela nodded her head and dropped her eyes to the ground. "Do you live here?" she asked.

"Sure do. Bank took the boarding house nearly three years ago now. Sully insisted we move in here." Just the mention of his name made Michaela's heart sing within her and she clasped her hands together trying to contain her excitement.

"Where is Sully?" Michaela whispered her eyes meeting Charlotte's.

Charlotte saw the desperation there but she also saw hope. "Went north with the Cheyenne to their winter camp," Charlotte answered trying to gage Michaela's reaction.

"Cheyenne? Do you mean Indians?"

"Yes," Charlotte answered.

"I don't understand," Michaela said confusion written on her face.

Charlotte knew there would be time to explain but instinctively she knew other words needed to be spoken first. "Dr. Mike, he never married. Can't say I've even seen him take an interest in anyone. He's been through a lot though."

"I know," Michaela whispered relieved that Charlotte had answered her questions before she had even asked them. Yet at the same time Charlotte's last statement caused guilt to wash over her anew.

"Don't go frettin yet Dr. Mike. Ya came all this way. I can't imagine he'd send ya away."

Charlotte smiled at her reassuringly but she knew she wasn't fooling Michaela. Who really knew what Sully would do?

"I had to try," Michaela whispered clutching her hands tightly trying to hold onto a distant hope that there love would find a way.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – September 9, 1864**

Charlotte had it wrong – the Cheyenne had not left for winter camp, only Sully and a small band of the Cheyenne went for the marriage of Shivering Deer and Two Feathers. In fact Sully would be back by the end of the week but Michaela had no way of knowing that. Instead she made the best of her time, thinking she would have to wait until spring for Sully's return. Her first order of business was to secure a room in town but Charlotte wouldn't let her. Though the house was small and cramped, Charlotte insisted on her taking Colleen's bed while Colleen slept with her mother. Besides the boarding house was shut down and there was no other places to speak of besides the saloon which obviously wouldn't do.

With housing arranged, Michaela relaxed for the first week, settling into her new surroundings. She learned to do the simple chores such as carrying water or milking the cow and for some odd reason took great pleasure in doing them. The physical labor left her mind free to think. Michaela knew she couldn't sit idle for long and it wasn't long before she had formulated a plan.

Bright and early one morning, only two days after she arrived, she ventured into town determined to figure out a way to become the town doctor. Charlotte told her she should go see the reverend first as he'd tried advertising for one a few months back without any luck. Surprisingly Michaela wasn't nervous about this venture. She knew she was a good doctor and that she could offer the people of Colorado Springs excellent service. Michaela recognized that they would most likely fight her, simply because she was a woman. Yet this she'd dealt with everyday in Boston for the last four years of her life and it in no way scared her. Here she even had an advantage – there wasn't another doctor for miles around. Even stubborn chauvinist men had to recognize that a female doctor was better than no doctor.

It felt good to be on her own, depending only on herself. There was a sense of freedom and adventure as she rode along. The late summer sky was a brilliant shade of blue, the horizon free of the smoke from factories that dotted the Boston skyline. Right now, Michaela didn't even care if the reverend turned her down flat for she had a sense that she would find her way no matter what.

As she entered town, she was keenly aware of the eyes that followed her but she tried to wave and smile, wanting to be as friendly as possible. On the porch of the saloon, she spotted a familiar face, the bar keep who she met last time she was here treating Myra. Her mind instantly thought of the young girl and she hoped that she'd found a way out of that lifestyle. As if in answer to her question, the swinging doors parted and Myra stepped though, her eyes growing large at the scene before her. Michaela waved briefly but didn't stop, her goal now in sight. She dismounted quickly in front of the church, surprised at how comfortable she already felt on horseback after not having ridden for so long.

The reverend was up on a ladder putting a fresh coat of paint on the outside of the church. Michaela raised her hand to shield the light from her eyes as she called up to him. "Reverend Johnson?"

"Yes," he answered before he looked down. He squinted to make out her form and then scrambled down the ladder, wiping his hands on his pants at the bottom. Taking her hand in his he bowed over it slightly, his eyes running up and down her dress. It was rare to see such finery on the streets of Colorado Springs and he was taken aback for a moment. "I'm Reverend Johnson," he began ignoring the fact that she'd already called him by name.

"Yes, I know." She suppressed a full out grin but the corners of her mouth still twitched in amusement. ""I'm Dr. Michaela Quinn and I understand you've advertised for a town doctor."

The reverend's brow wrinkled as she spoke, a deep line forming across the middle. "We were looking for a town doctor but … ah…" He rubbed his fingers over his chin as he spoke, his eyes like a window to the mind that was working overtime to come up with a believable excuse. "We're not looking anymore."

"So the position has been filled?"

"Well… not exactly."

Michaela was amused rather than put off, mostly because she was enjoying watching the reverend squirm; perhaps enjoying it a little too much. "Not exactly?" she asked, seeking clarification of his words.

"To be honest Miss Quinn…"

"That's Dr. Quinn," she corrected.

"Ah Dr. Quinn," he spoke the words as if they left a bad taste in his mouth, "we weren't lookin' to hire a lady doctor."

It was at these words that Michaela felt her ire rise within her. "We? I will assume you mean the good citizens of Colorado Springs and I happen to know that isn't true. Charlotte Cooper would have no problem with a lady doctor."

"Yes but.."

Michaela cut him off again. "Have you polled the other citizens?"

"No but..."

Hitching up her skirt, Michaela turned and started to walk away leaving the reverend standing there with his mouth hanging open. She stopped just as abruptly and turned back to face him. "Are you coming, reverend?"

"Where are we going?"

"To ask the citizens of Colorado Springs if they would prefer to have a woman doctor or no doctor at all." With that she began her retreat again, making excellent time as she crossed the meadow to the little bridge that led to the main street of town. Reverend Johnson had to practically run to keep up, wanting to get to her before she actually started polling people.

"Miss," he called after her. "Wait up, miss." Yet none of his pleas had much of a reaction. By the time the reverend caught her, she was already on the steps of the telegraph office polling the widow Brown. She eyed the young woman curiously and then smiled over at the reverend who was trying hard to regain his breath.

"Don't care much for doctors either way. Ain't say I'd go even if we had one."

Michaela wasn't deterred by her response but simply thanked her and nodded heartily moving on into the telegraph office. Horace stood behind the counter slightly dumbfounded, his large lips gaping open as a wide grin spread over his face. "Can I help you miss?"

"It's Dr. Quinn," she corrected.

Horace recognized the name for some reason and his eyes lit up. He'd met Michaela briefly when she was here four years ago but he didn't remember that now. "Can I help ya with somethin'?"

"I do need to send a telegram," she confirmed only now remembering she'd yet to write home. "But I'm actually here to ask if you would like this town to have a doctor?"

"Wait a minute," the reverend interjected quickly. "That isn't the question." His eyes narrowed as he considered the woman before him, quickly realizing that she looked delicate but was far from it.

"Quinn… Quinn.. now that name is familiar." Horace wasn't paying attention to either of them, stuck in his own world of names. He tapped the side of his cheek with his pointer finger as he thought, his eyes lighting up as the answer came to him. "You're the one that wrote that letter to Sully. The one that came all the way from Boston."

Sully's name spoken aloud erased all thoughts of polls out of her mind as her eyes grew wide. "He received my letter?"

"No, I haven't seen him in, well hmm…" He looked up at the ceiling, screwing up his face as if the question required every bit of brain power he possessed. "Been awhile." Michaela felt like reaching across the counter and throttling him but she tried to remain calm. "He usually posts some letters in the fall to Nevada and to Boston. Probably to you," he said with a goofy grin.

"In the fall? But I thought the Cheyenne had already left for winter camp."

It was the revered who spoke up now, correcting her misconception. "No, they won't leave until November or so – after the weather turns."

"Thank you," Michaela whispered, sounding rather breathless. She pushed past the reverend and stumbled out the door, needing to get to her horse as fast as possible. Horace and the reverend watched her go both perplexed at her sudden movements. The reverend shook his head but could feel relief washing over him. There would be no poll and for that he was glad.

* * *

_I had planned to take this chapter a little further but there wasn't a good break so … you'll get the next chapter sooner as some of it is already written. Though this is HP 5 week so I will be consumed for at least one night;-)_


	129. Chapter 129

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine**

**Colorado Springs – September 9, 1864**

Michaela flew over the terrain on the old horse of Charlotte's, pushing the animal to its limits as she headed back towards the homestead. Her heart was pounding within her, the wind taking away all of her breath but she didn't care. Sully wasn't at winter camp, she repeated over and over to herself. She would see him, hopefully this very afternoon. The strong beat of horse's hooves alerted Matthew to her approach and he met her in the yard. "Someone need ma?" he asked, used to the quickened rides of nervous expectant fathers coming for his mother.

Michaela crinkled her nose up but shook her head. "No, I need to go to the Cheyenne camp. You've been there before?"

"Twice," he said confidently. "With Sully."

"But you could find it? You could take me there?"

Charlotte opened the door of the homestead to see what the commotion was in the yard, surprised to see Michaela back from town so soon. "Dr. Mike? What did the reverend say?"

Only then did Michaela realize how quickly she'd abandoned her task. "Oh… we didn't settle anything today but maybe…"

"It didn't take very long."

"I left in a hurry," she swallowed hard gauging the reaction on Charlotte's face as she said the next words. "The Cheyenne haven't left for winter camp yet."

"They haven't? Hmm.. well I was sure that Sully said they had."

Matthew, who had stood quietly to the side until that time, spoke up. "Sully was gonna go north with Cloud Dancing. He said he'd be back ma."

Charlotte scratched her head, her forehead wrinkled with deep lines. "I must have misunderstood." She looked apologetically at Michaela as she spoke again. "Matthew can take you out there. He's been there with Sully before and knows the way."

Michaela felt as if she was about to explode with happiness. Truth was she'd contemplated hiring a guide to take her to the winter camp not sure she could wait until he returned in the spring to know her fate. Yet now that the opportunity loomed before her, she felt the knots tighten in her stomach, her mind already preparing for the worst while her heart hoped for the best.

* * *

Riding back to the Cheyenne camp, the returning party from the north received a warm welcome expecting to find good tidings of the wedding. Yet there were no joyous faces and the surrounding people held back their congratulations. Sully quickly ushered Shivering Deer into her teepee wanting to shield her as much as possible from the inquiring eyes. Whispers began as the party disbanded, the once joyful shouts now taking on a sorrowful tone. No wedding had taken place – Two Feather's family refused to take in Shivering Deer as a member of their family insisting that she wasn't Cheyenne. The already insecure brave buckled to his family's pressure telling Shivering Deer that he would stay there and convince them while she returned to the south.

Once Shivering Deer was out of sight, Cloud Dancing took the time to explain to those still standing around the area. Some shook their heads and murmured under their breaths while others nodded in agreement with Two Feather's decision, feeling the same prejudice as his family. Cloud Dancing turned to search for his wife, the journey having left him feeling weary. Snowbird was at his side in an instant, her touch doing more than anything could at that moment. "Shall I talk to her?"

Cloud Dancing shook his head. "No let her be for now. She hasn't had much time to properly grieve." He paused for a moment intending to say more but then froze as movement from the other side of camp caught his eye. His son rode in quickly, dismounting in front of his father as he hastily explained the situation in Cheyenne. Within moments, the woman rode into camp escorted on either side by two braves, she looked anxious and Cloud Dancing moved quickly to neutralize the situation.

He approached as they slowed, meeting Michaela's eyes with a soft smile. There were no words exchanged though, as he turned to the braves and spoke in words Michaela didn't understand. It sounded as if they were being chastised. The three men moved off to the side but Michaela wasn't alone. Nervously, she looked around at the many faces staring at her. She suddenly wished that Matthew was with her. Why had she sent him back? Her chest tightened in fear but she tried to put on a brave front as the Indian from earlier returned. She was relieved when he greeted her in English. "Welcome," he said. "My son tells me you are looking for someone."

She marveled at how well this man spoke her language and she couldn't help but even smile a little. "I am looking for a white man," she said. "His name is Sully."

The man stood considering her for a moment and Michaela thought she saw the remnants of a smile around his lips. "I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

"Dr. Quinn. Dr. Michaela Quinn," she said introducing herself and proffering her hand.

Though it wasn't a custom for men to greet women in this fashion, Cloud Dancing acquiesced and shook her hand. "You must be very brave to come so far," Cloud Dancing remarked seeing the anxiousness in her face.

Michaela swallowed hard. She did not feel very brave. No it definitely was not bravery but only her heart's desire to once again find its other half. "Thank you. Do you know this man?" she asked directing the conversation back towards her objective

"I do," he replied still not moving or pointing her in any direction.

"I really need to speak with Sully, if he is here."

"Yes, I believe he needs to speak with you as well." Michaela gave him a perplexed look as she watched him turn. A glimpse of blond caught her attention and she noticed a white woman emerging from a nearby tepee. "Shivering Deer, where is Sully?" Cloud Dancing asked.

Michaela knew at that instant that this was the woman he had spoken of in his letter. A fear gripped her heart when Sully emerged behind her from the same tepee. This was his future, the person he was moving on with. The blond hair flowed down her back, the shimmering locks reaching down to her waist. The eyes were intense and a little sad yet the sadness only made her more beautiful. Michaela bit anxiously on her bottom lip, her own doubts about herself increasing exponentially with each moment.

Sully cocked his head to the side, hardly able to believe his eyes. With a gentle nudge from Shivering Deer he walked over in her direction stopping just shy of Cloud Dancing, his eyes still searching her face as if she were only a phantom that might disappear. Cloud Dancing was the one to move things along. He spoke to Sully in Cheyenne who immediately turned and began walking away not bothering to wait for Michaela. The medicine man touched her arm though and indicated that she should follow.

Sully could hear her soft footsteps behind him as a battle raged within. Part of him wanted to hold her close, to whisper words of love and affection, to kiss those lips. Yet at the moment that desire was being buried. Perhaps it was the upset Shivering Deer so recently experienced but he felt his sympathy for Michaela wane and he grew angry. Four letters in four years he told himself and she bothers to show up now.

Stopping abruptly in front of his teepee, he turned to face her. "What are ya doin' here?" His voice was harsh causing her stomach to tighten.

"I came to find you," she whispered her eyes already clouding with tears.

"I ain't lost."

"No, I mean I needed to see you again."

"Why?"

She swallowed hard knowing that the moment of truth had come. Summoning every ounce of courage within her she began to speak. "Because I love you. I always have and I always will. I've turned my back on that love for too long but I don't want to do that anymore."

For a moment, she saw a flicker of hope in his eyes but something quickly doused it as the cold steely expression returned. "I ain't that same person anymore. That person ya loved died a long time ago."

"You don't love me anymore?" she asked dreading what his answer might be.

He looked at her feeling his resolve slipping so he quickly turned away. "That don't matter. It ain't enough. Ya said that yourself. We're too different."

"I was wrong," she returned. "It is enough. It's more than enough. We're not too different."

"I don't believe that anymore," he said, his voice full of emotion. "I don't believe that."

Michaela set her mouth in a hard line, determined not to be weak. "Sully I've traveled all the way across the country, packed up my belongings and left Boston for good. Doesn't that say anything about what I'm willing to do?"

Raising his eyes, she felt the coldness again praying that something she could say would sway him. "Four years Michaela? Don't you think that's a little long to not hear from you - not one word!"

"I did write to you – only recently but still. Horace has the letter. He said you haven't been into town since I sent it."

Her words were barely heard by Sully though, his mind still concentrating elsewhere. "I sent ya four letters, practically beggin' for your forgiveness and I never heard one word." This last part of this sentence was spoken in such a way that Michaela could feel his pain.

She lowered her head and sighed. "Each of those letters was intercepted by my mother and only given to me recently. I can't tell you how happy I was when I read the first one or how upset I was when I read the last."

Logically he had known this was a possibility. Hearing what had happened, made him feel silly for accusing her but his own stubborn streak kicked in. "Even so you couldn't write me?"

"You told me you never wanted to see me again. How was I supposed to know you changed your mind?"

Sully laughed, a cold mirthless laugh. "You pushed me away the first time – you were the cause of the second time. Do you really think Abby would have done what she did if you hadn't showed up?"

While Michaela was on the defensive before, this last accusation by Sully pushed her over the edge. "It's not my fault that she was mentally unstable. You're the one who broke up with her so don't you dare try to blame me for this. I'm not carrying around your guilt and my own as well. And speaking of four years – if you really felt that way why didn't you come to Boston?"

Sully had no defense for this one and he swallowed hard as the words rolled off her tongue. "Leave me alone," he replied vehemently. "Go on – get out of here."

With a heavy sigh, she shrugged her shoulders. She had allowed the accusing words to side track her and she now regretted the argument. It was clear Sully wanted nothing to do with her right now and Michaela felt that it was pointless to argue. Trying hard to be the bigger person, she looked up at him one last time. "I hope you find happiness with her, Sully." With that she turned and walked quickly towards her horse, not noticing the pair of eyes trained on her.

Ever since Sully first spoke of Michaela, Cloud Dancing had felt the urge to meet her. The reoccurring dreams that Sully had spoken of were the sign that she would come but to finally see her here with him filled the medicine man with awe. As a young brave he had come to trust the spirit's leading but it still amazed him when his visions came to life before his eyes. As sure as he was the first time he met Sully that this man would become his brother, he was just as certain that these two individuals belonged together.

He could see the torment in Sully's face and he knew that the initial meeting was not going well. Quickly, Michaela turned and moved back to her horse while Sully remained still, his back to the teepees on the bank. Cloud Dancing set his face, willing Sully to go after her but when it became obvious he wouldn't, he moved himself. Meeting the doctor at her horse, he stopped her from mounting. "Dr. Quinn."

Michaela turned startled by his perfect English once again. "Yes?" she said avoiding his penetrating gaze.

"I am Cloud Dancing. It is nice to finally meet you." The words struck a cord with Michaela and she finally raised her eyes. "He is upset?"

Michaela nodded and turned her head slightly to the side. "He has every right to be upset but if he would let me explain." Her words faded out as the hope she had clung to so tightly started to slip away.

"He will hear you out."

Shaking her head, Michaela turned back to him. "No I don't think he will."

With his eyes firmly set, he took her hand in his. "Sometimes our heart does not want to believe that our dreams have come true. He will hear you out."

The black eyes spoke to her soul and Michaela felt the sides of her mouth curl into a smile. She had no reason to believe this stranger but she did. There was something about him that was comforting, a silent confidence that spoke volumes. "Thank you," she whispered. Reaching up to her saddle bag she pulled out an envelope and handed it to the medicine man. "Would you give him this?"

"I will." He took the item from her and offered her his hand once more.

"Nêstaévâhósevóomâtse." Michaela's eyes widened at the strange language. Cloud Dancing gave a nod of his head. "It means I will see you again later." He turned then and headed back to the camp but he left the doctor with hope that she would cling to until she met Sully again.

* * *

Overnight the weather began to change which was odd for early September. An evening shower dropped the temperature a good twenty degrees, matching the chill that both Michaela and Sully felt in their hearts. That evening was a somber one for Michaela as she tried to sort out her feelings. She knew she should feel devastated but she didn't. Sad, yes, but not devastated. Cloud Dancing's words allowed the hope to linger despite the fact that their initial meeting had gone all wrong. To Michaela, Sully's words could lie but his eyes could not. She had seen it there, even if he didn't want her to. There was still love – but was it enough?

Perhaps it was the true freedom that she was experiencing for the first time in her life that also buoyed her spirits. The idea of returning to Boston never crossed her mind and it was in that fact that she took great solace. No matter what became of her and Sully, Marjorie was right – it was time to make her own life now. Tomorrow she would take the stage coach to Soda Springs where her belongings were delivered inadvertently. Horace brought the message was she was with gone relaying that they would hold her items until she could pick them up. Michaela couldn't believe her mother had already shipped everything, especially when she'd yet to telegram that she was even here. Of course Elizabeth was always efficient like that, doing things before they even needed to be done.

On the ride back from the reservation, going to Nevada occurred to her but she quickly tossed that idea to the side. She couldn't leave until she was sure that no hope remained, until she was certain that Sully really meant what he'd said today. Things got out of hand quickly, tempers and emotions running high. Another meeting could produce much different results. She loved him and hoped that was enough to see them both through.

Until then she would simply stay occupied. It would take a great deal of effort to convince the town they needed her services but Michaela had no doubts in her mind that she could do it.

While Michaela curled up in Colleen's bed, sleeping peacefully, Sully sat by a campfire, his own acrid thoughts unwilling to leave him alone. The words were so harsh today and he wasn't even sure why he'd spoken like he did. Where had that anger come from?

Cloud Dancing gave him Michaela's letter shortly before their evening meal but Sully had yet to open it, scared of what he might read inside. It was all so sudden he told himself – too sudden. He never heard the soft approach of his brother until he sat down at his side. For a moment they continued on in silence, both staring deep into the dancing flames.

When Cloud Dancing finally spoke, his voice was warm and rich comforting Sully while probing all at the same time. "You have not read it?"

Sully glanced down at the letter on his lap. "No. I'm not sure I want to."

"You were very angry today." The words weren't accusatory but rather a simple statement of the facts.

Sully nodded. "Too angry I think. I didn't know I was still so angry with her."

"You are angry with her?" At first the question perplexed Sully until he took a moment to think. The silence from his brother was a positive sign in Cloud Dancing's mind and he knew that Sully was on the right path. He would simply remain quiet and let his brother speak when ready.

Taking a long deep breath, Sully closed his eyes. In darkness, he always saw things clearly and this time was no exception. The words flowed easily from somewhere deep inside. "I'm angry at myself. She's right – I never went to Boston. I tried very little to get her back. So much wasted time."

"Tell her that," Cloud Dancing whispered, "And let her tell you. A life without forgiveness is not much of a life."

* * *

When Sully awoke the next morning, he realized two things – he had never opened the letter from Michaela and he had slept in much later than intended. The second seemed to outweigh the first and he cast thoughts of the letter aside once again in order to ride out to see her. The morning looked so much brighter to Sully than the day before and for that he was grateful. Although the meeting with Michaela was not pleasant, it had been good to see her and he couldn't wait to do so once again. While the whole affair with Shivering Deer was still in the back of his mind, in the forefront was Michaela. The tiredness that clung to him from his journey north seemed to have dissipated completely and he readied himself quickly. It occurred to him only as he mounted his Indian pony that he had no idea where she was staying. Remembering how she and Charlotte had hit it off on her first visit here, Sully decided to go to the old homestead first, hoping to gain information of her whereabouts.

When he rode up, he saw Brian was in the yard, sprinkling grain for the chickens. As the young boy's eyes focused on who approached, he quickly dropped the feed sack overjoyed to see his friend. "Sully's here," he shouted in the direction of the house before running over to greet the man he'd come to regard very much as an older brother and possibly a father. Reaching down Sully grabbed the little boy around the waist and hoisted him in the air, giving his hair a quick tousle once he held him securely at his side.

"How are you little man?" he asked playfully watching the young child's eyes sparkle.

"I lost another tooth." Brian opened his mouth wide and pointed enthusiastically to his gum where a small point of white was just pushing above the surface.

"When did it fall out?"

"It didn't. Dr. Mike pulled it cause it was hurting me."

The name worked its magic on Sully. "You've seen Dr. Mike?" Putting Brian back on the ground, he looked around the yard as he spoke as if she was hiding behind a tree or in the barn even.

Brian nodded already bending low to look at a worm just burrowing under the ground. "Mama said I can't bother her anymore cause she's sad."

Sully felt frantic at those words. "Do you know where she is?"

With all the reliability of a small child, Brian answered haphazardly. "Gone. She went on the stagecoach."

"Where was she going on the stagecoach Brian? Do you remember?"

He looked up, his little face contorted in consternation. With one finger in his mouth, he said the first place that he could remember hearing Michaela talk about. "Boston."

Quick as lightening, Sully remounted the horse. Brian looked up at him. "Where are you going?"

"I have to find Michaela… I mean Dr. Mike," he corrected for the little boy's sake. "I'll be back later." He turned the Indian pony and once clear of the homestead's yard, he dug his heels in hard, racing towards town. Thinking that the panic he felt could get no worse, he soon found out he was wrong. The stagecoach had left, over an hour ago headed toward Soda Springs and then onto Denver.

Frantically he urged the horse on as the thought that he had lost her once again set in. He railed against it, screaming his frustration out into the crisp fall day. Not again he thought, not again. He had to see her even if just for one last time. There were so many things to say. So many things he had never said. He pressed on rounding a bend in the road at top speed. His face lit up as the stage coach came into view. One last time, he dug in his heels and laid himself low over the horse's neck racing like the wind to catch up with the stage.

"Stop the stage," he called coming along side it.

The relief driver looked startled and trained a gun on Sully while the main driver pulled back on the horse's reigns. "We don't want no trouble mister," the young man began, warily eyeing this white man dressed like a savage.

"Me either," Sully said. "I only need to speak to one of the passengers."

"Sully?" Michaela asked as she glanced out the window.

"Michaela!" he exclaimed his heart soaring with unspoken joy. "Don't go," he pleaded

quickly. "Please don't go."

Swiftly Michaela stepped from the stage as he dismounted his horse. "What are you saying Sully?" she asked swallowing hard against her tears.

"I'm sayin' I was stupid and foolish and wrong. I don't want ya to leave – please say you'll stay."

Michaela hesitated as she looked up into his eyes seeing the love reflected there. "But you said…"

Sully interrupted her. "Forget everything that I said. Listen to what I am saying now. Dr. Michaela Quinn I love you and I can't live another day without you - please come back with me to Colorado Springs."

The edges of Michaela's mouth began to curl as her heart beat rapidly in her chest.

Turning to the driver she said, "Please throw down my bag."

"We can't refund your ticket, m'am," he explained, hesitating to leave her with this odd looking man.

"Hmm," Michaela responded. She had barely heard him, feeling herself rather lost in Sully's eyes.

"She don't care about the ticket," Sully answered for her. "Just throw down her bags."

Michaela giggled in spite of herself. "I'm not worried about the money. I'll be fine here."

Reluctantly the relief driver pointed the gun back down as the main driver reached for the case. Throwing it down, he gave her a disgruntled look. "Should we send someone back for you?" he asked still looking hard at Sully's clothes. The other passengers craned their necks out the windows to see what was going on, fascinated by the conversation.

"I'll be fine," she reiterated with a shake of her head. "Truly."

The drivers looked at each other but knew there was no point arguing as they were only losing time. With a flick of the reins the horses were off again, the stage quickly disappearing around another bend in the road.

"Ya only have one bag?" he asked, confusion still etching his features.

"I was only going to Soda Springs for the night. Some of my things were delivered there by accident."

"You weren't leaving? You weren't going back to Boston?"

"No," she said, not even concerned that he thought she was.

Sully turned his head down. "Everything I said yesterday – about Abby.. I didn't…" Growing exasperated, he looked up at her finding himself at a loss for how to continue.

"Let's start over," she suggested. Turning around for a moment, she smiled to herself and then looked back at Sully. "It's been too long," she said reaching out her hand to take his. "I've missed you."

Sully smiled but found that he liked this starting over. "I've missed ya too," he replied. "Would ya like to go on a walk with me? We could catch up?"

"I would like that very much." He reached for her hand and grasping it in his, they walked forward with no particular aim in mind. It was enough for now to simply be together.


	130. Chapter 130

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty**

**Outside of Soda Springs – September 9, 1864**

Clasping her hand tightly in his, they walked along each unable to truly believe that they were reunited after such time. Neither knew what to say at first, both feeling the nerves in the pit of their stomachs. A few more steps and Sully stopped to turn and look at her again. "Tell me what you've been doing in Boston?" he said too formally but it was a start. "Do ya work at the hospital?"

"A little – usually in the children's ward. Mostly I work in the orphanages and poor houses." She paused, looking down shyly as she continued. "I purchased land not long ago for one of the orphanages. It's outside of the city, a nice healthy place for children to grow up. I named it after Anna."

Sully couldn't help but smile, proud to have such a compassionate woman standing in front of him. "That's wonderful," he said with a nod of his head. As he lowered his head, it occurred to him that this orphanage she bought land for might need her – she might have to return to Boston. Without lifting his eyes, he asked, "Ya need to go back to the orphanage eventually?"

"No," she whispered understanding his fear perfectly. "I left it in William's able care and I'm sure David will help as well… he has been helping anyway."

The names stirred memories for Sully and he raised his eyes to meet hers finally. "Haven't thought about them in a long time."

It was now Michaela's turn to smile. "William is married to Marjorie now."

"He is? What about Everett?"

Michaela let out a deep sigh, turning slightly as she phrased her answer. "Marjorie left him. Seems he's been beating her for years." She felt Sully's hand tense in hers at the words. "But everything's fine now… more than fine really. She and William are already expecting their first child together."

"And the children?"

"Already calling William Papa."

Sully hesitated for a moment, wanting to ask about the second name she mentioned but worried what he would hear. "And David?" he asked, unable to hide the jealousy.

"Annoying as ever," she laughed much to Sully's relief. "What about you and the Cheyenne?"

"After the funeral," he avoided using Abby's name for now, "I felt so lost. Just wanted to run away from everythin' and I did. Problem was there was nothin' to run to 'xcept the woods. Cloud Dancin' found me, brought me back to health…." His voice trailed off as he faced the horizon and began to walk once again. "They've been my family."

"I'm glad." Sully heard the sincerity of her words and gave her fingers a light squeeze. Michaela grew quiet – trying hard to recall the name of the woman he was with on her visit to the reservation. Unable to recover the name, she felt at a loss for how to ask about her relationship with Sully.

Sensing her nervousness, Sully had a good idea what she was thinking. "Shivering Deer ain't gonna be my wife. She's more like my sister." Michaela's fingers tensed in his and she tried to pull away but Sully held on tightly. Only now did it occur to him how that sounded. "You were never my sister," he said clearly.

Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she breathed out, the words barely even whispered.

Sully stopped her again, dropping her hand in order to place a hand on each of her upper arms. "Hey, this ain't gonna be easy… for either one of us. There's no use pretendin' that it will be."

Silence filled the space between them but slowly Michaela raised her head. Yesterday there was anger in his face, fear in his eyes but today that was all gone. The wall that she built for so long meant to keep the hurt out fell in an instant and she was vulnerable – more vulnerable than she wanted to be. 'We need to take this slow."

"We will," he assured her, his hands still holding her firmly. "I've lost you twice and I don't intend on losing ya a third time." That made Michaela smile widely and though neither was ready to talk of love they could see the emotion written clearly on the other's face, pouring forth with each beat of their hearts. The deep sting of hurt began to ebb as both questioned whether they could dare to hope yet. "We'll just court for now. If that's alright with you."

"I'd like that," she whispered almost shyly.

Feeling the gravity of the conversation weighing on them, Sully turned to the innocuous. "Where were you goin?"

"To Soda Springs. My things from Boston were left there by mistake."

"Your things?"

Michaela nodded as Sully finally released his grasp on her, immediately reaching for her fingers again. "Mother must have sent them right after I left. I'd told her to wait until I was settled but she was always one for efficiency." Shared laughter filled the air for a moment, both reveling in the light – hearted turn.

"What did your parents think about you coming?"

"Mother was the one who saw me off at the train station." She turned her head to see Sully's surprised expression and gave his hand a little squeeze. "I'm not sure we'll ever see eye to eye but she's changed so much, so quickly. She told me to find happiness wherever it could be found."

"Sure don't sound like Elizabeth," Sully muttered thinking of the sternly matron he was accustomed to.

"I know but I think Marjorie and Rebecca… everything that's happened – it has affected her."

"Rebecca's alright, isn't she?" Sully asked, a note of panic in his voice. Michaela had barely nodded before he asked his next question. "Emily?"

Michaela had to laugh. "You didn't ask about Anne," she pointed out completely straight faced.

"I was getting there."

With a shake of her head, Michaela giggled again. "The children are all fine but I'm afraid that Robert passed away quite unexpectedly. As you can imagine, we were all devastated."

Deep lines of sadness etched Sully's face. "I didn't know," he whispered. "If I had known…" He shook his head, leaving his sentence unfinished because honestly he didn't know what he would have done. Maybe sent a note to Rebecca. He let out an audible sigh and Michaela began to stroke his thumb with hers. Sully changed directions now, increasing his pace as they started back to where his pony was grazing, still tethered to a tree. "I suppose ya still need to get your stuff."

"I do but I can take care of that another day."

Only then did it occur to Sully that she had no means of getting it back to Colorado Springs even on the stage. "How were ya gonna bring it back?"

"Hire a wagon – probably buy a horse. I need one anyway to make rounds on."

"You really are determined to make a go of it here." There was a note of surprise in his voice but Michaela wasn't offended. She knew it had much more to do with her presence in general than doubting her or her abilities. No reply was needed, Sully's statement simply a fact. "Don't see no reason why I can't take ya to Soda Springs if ya still want to go?"

He could feel the pulse of Michaela's wrist quicken beneath his touch as she turned to him excitedly. "You don't mind?"

"Course not."

"Alright then. It would be nice to have some of my things around." The next thing Michaela knew she was sitting behind Sully, her arms wrapped around him as she hugged her body close to his. It was out of necessity that she sat like this but she had to admit she rather liked it. The horse's feet beat out a strong cadence beneath them, carrying them closer and closer to their destination but Michaela was in no hurry for the journey to end. They still had not hugged or kissed, perhaps they wouldn't for awhile but she was enjoying this forced closeness.

Michaela had no way of knowing it but Sully's thoughts were very similar to her own. He relished the way she was pressed up against him, leaning on him as her hands held on in a fierce grip. Yet he couldn't delay their arrival in Soda Springs indefinitely and soon he slowed the horse. He felt Michaela sit up a little straighter, raise her head from where she'd laid it against the top of his back. It only took a moment to locate the telegraph office and then Sully was dismounting and reaching up to lift Michaela down. His hands lingered at her waist for a moment longer than necessary. "I'll be fine now," Michaela said, wanting him to stay with her but knowing she couldn't expect that.

Sully smiled. "I'm sure you will but I'll see you home if you don't mind. Help you unload the wagon at Charlotte's."

Suppressing the face wide grin, she simply nodded and climbed the steps of the telegraph office feeling as if she was walking on air.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – September 14, 1864**

The decision to take things slow, to act almost as strangers was rather exciting. Before they'd never truly courted – their worlds wide open to each other. Now there were mysteries, things to be discovered. In four years apart, their worlds changed dramatically. Michaela was much more confident in her self then Sully remembered. When she spoke of being the town's doctor, it was as if she already had the post. The influence of the Cheyenne had matured Sully wonderfully and the new skills he acquired from living with them, amazed Michaela. Their first day together was only the tip of the iceberg as far as catching up. Sully was true to his word and did not leave her side until the wagon was unloaded at Charlotte's house and he insisted on going with her when she returned the rig and horses, she'd hired for the job. Michaela wanted to buy a horse but Sully wouldn't let her, insisting that he knew where to come by a better one. Taking it slow meant not seeing each other as much which both found hard to do. Yet on that first night when they parted, they made plans to go on a picnic that Sunday afternoon.

Michaela found it hard to sit through church that day, though she knew it would be a great way to meet more of the townspeople. The reverend seemed to avoid her after the service but she tracked him down to remind him that they had unfinished business from the other day. Backing him into a corner, he agreed to call a town meeting to have them discuss the possibility and so with one decided victory in her corner, Michaela eagerly set off for the homestead on Matthew's horse, the Coopers staying in town for a picnic in the meadow.

When the knock finally came to the homestead door, Michaela was a nervous wreck. She'd never in her life prepared for such an event and though she reminded herself over and over that it was only Sully, she couldn't quell the nervous flutters in her stomach. Slowly she opened the door, standing back a little to let him inside.

"Hey," Sully said, feeling the nerves in his stomach as well. "Are you ready to go?"

Michaela nodded eagerly. "I've been looking forward to this," she commented as her hands closed over the handle of the picnic lunch that Charlotte had packed them this morning.

"Me too." He held the door open and let her step out into the bright autumn afternoon. They could not have asked for a better day for their outing. A light breeze blew through the trees as they walked along, the sun making dappled patterns on the ground as it filtered through the forest canopy. They didn't talk much at first, simply enjoying each other's company as they strolled along. Sully now held the picnic basket firmly in his right hand, his left held Michaela's.

Wide-eyed Michaela looked around at the passing scenery. She knew that Colorado was beautiful, breathtaking really but being away from it seemed to dull her impression. Now what had been black and white images before her eyes turned to vibrant color once again. Each needle of the pine trees, the separate blades of grass, the deep earthy smell made her head buzz. For a brief moment, she closed her eyes and heard the call of a bird in some nearby tree and she felt as if he called just to her. Perhaps all her life, this place was calling her but she'd never heard it so clearly before.

"You alright?" Sully asked noticing that she lagged behind a little.

"I always forget how alive it is here – how free the land is allowed to be."

Sully nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "It gets to be part of ya," he whispered.

"I think it's already a part of me." She felt Sully's grip tighten upon her fingers. Michaela had no idea that this was one of the things that mattered to him, being able to stay here in this place that he had come to love so deeply. To hear those words from her, stirred him and though he wasn't ready to say anything yet, he knew it was only a matter of time before he would be unable to contain his feelings for her.

They continued on, the path stretching out before them. Sully was used to long walks but he grew concerned that it might be a little too much for Michaela. Yet every time he looked over at her, she appeared happy and content. Eventually the ground sloped gently down and Michaela held tight to Sully so as not to lose her footing. She soon found herself on a creek bank in a little clearing. There was a ring of stones for a fire but Sully acted as if it were all quite normal, letting go of her hand to spread out a picnic blanket.

The creek ran swiftly along, the rainfall that summer keeping the water levels well above normal. Though the tree line stopped a few feet back, the large branches extended out over the water keeping the area fairly shaded. "Ya gonna sit down?" Sully asked looking up at her from the blanket where he was seated.

"Sorry." Her cheeks grew warm but she didn't drop her head or shy away. Moving quickly, she lowered herself across from Sully, busying herself with unloading the picnic basket. Sully began to help her, their fingers meeting one or two times in the process. His touch felt electric, sending little shivers running up her arms and then down her spine.

"This looks good," Sully remarked as he uncovered the last item.

"I didn't make it," she added hastily, not wanting to leave him with the wrong impression. Sully's gentle laugh amused her as she looked over at him. "You think that's funny, do you?"

"Your talents were never in the kitchen. Somehow I don't think you would be my Michaela if that changed." The word my inserted in the sentence made her pulse beat a little faster and she knew her cheeks must now be scarlet. Quickly she concentrated on the food before her, loading her own tin plate with cold chicken and a roll before she looked back up. Sully was already biting into a chicken leg, obviously unconcerned. Following his lead, Michaela did the same as they fell back into the comfortable silence that had accompanied their trip here. As they finished their desert, Sully scooted a little closer and Michaela looked up at him questioningly.

Sully raised his hand to her face. "You've got an eyelash on your cheek," he whispered as he plucked it off holding it out in front of her. "Go on, make a wish."

Without thinking, she closed her eyes and did just as he commanded. Sully watched her carefully, enchanted by her movements. Each curve of her face was so graceful and with her eyes closed she looked at peace. The way she pursued her lips made him think about kissing her, though he knew that was too much for now. When she opened her eyes again, the intensity of his gaze awaited her. "What did ya wish for?"

With a secretive smile, she answered him, "If I tell you, it won't come true."

"We'll were courting – ain't supposed to keep secrets."

Michaela crinkled her nose up. "Is that what you think courting means?" she asked, moving to begin cleaning up the dishes.

Sully turned the question right back on her. "What do you think it means?"

"Well it's a time when you talk… and"

Michaela reached for his plate as Sully's hand shot out to cover hers. "Talk? Is that all?"

This was something that had yet to discuss and Michaela wasn't sure she was ready for the conversation. "Well," she began only to be interrupted by Sully once more.

"I thought it was courtin' and sparkin'."

Ignoring his words for the moment, she continued on with her original thought. "And you bring each other things."

"Like flowers?" he asked watching the shy expression on her face as he let go of her hand. Michaela nodded and then went back to cleaning, unaware of the desire Sully was trying hard to keep pent up. If he had his choice, he would crush her body against his, kiss her deeply like they used to.

"I talked to the reverend today. He's going to let the town decide whether or not to have me stay on as the town doctor."

"If they refuse?"

Michaela's eyes hazed over for a moment as if she had never thought of this option. "Well I'm staying anyway, whether they like it or not. I figure eventually logic will win out. A woman doctor is certainly better than no doctor at all."

"True but some ain't gonna see it that way. Jake Slicker fancies himself the town's doctor."

Making a face, she began to take off her shoes thinking that the creek water looked refreshing and wanting to wade in. "The barber? What does he know about being a doctor?"

Sully laughed, watching eagerly as she unrolled her stockings. "I'm just sayin' it might be hard to convince some people that you're needed."

"Do you think I should just give up?" She wasn't angry but he could see a twinkle in her eye as she asked. "Perhaps Hank would employ me." Pressing her lips close together to avoid smiling, she stood and looked down at him, obviously amused.

Sully stood quickly and pulled her into his embrace. "I don't got enough money for that."

"Enough money for what?"

"To be at Hank's everyday hiring ya."

The insinuation was there and she knew it was her fault for joking like she had. Growing completely serious, she pushed away from him a little. Sully readily complied as he loosened his grip. "I want to take everything slow Sully … this especially."

"This?" He felt lost, unsure what she was referring to.

"Perhaps we've been too engrossed in the physical part of our relationship in the past. We often … well… kissed and such instead of talking. I don't want to make that same mistake again."

"Alright," he said quickly to assure her, though he was already wondering what exactly this meant.

She looked into his eyes imploringly. "I don't want to mess this up again."

"We won't, Michaela. I ain't gonna let us." He held her gaze for a moment, knowing he had to tell her now or else she might lose faith in him. "I have to tell ya something."

The apprehension in his voice made her step back again so that she was now out of Sully's reach. Turning, she made her way to the water's edge. "Alright," she whispered unsure that she wanted to hear this.

"Before Thanksgiving or maybe just after… depends on the weather. We'll leave for winter camp."

Michaela shuffled into the creek, finding the bottom a little too slippery. She started to fall but Sully was faster, catching her before she hit the water. "Thank you," she whispered but this time did not even try to move out of his arms. "How long will you be gone?"

"Til March.. maybe April. But I hope I'll be able to come back sooner. I'm only going cause of Cloud Dancing and Shivering Deer." The second name sent Michaela reeling and she reached for Sully's arm, steadied herself and pushed off alone. Sully was already explaining when she took the first step away from him, telling her about the failed engagement and the hope that Two Feather's family would come around by the time they went to winter camp.

"And for Cloud Dancing?" she asked feeling relief at his explanation.

"Gonna go on a vision quest down almost to Mexico. We've been planning for a long time, I'd hate to let him down." Yet even as he spoke the words, he knew that he might have to. "Michaela if you don't want me to go, I won't." There was no reply at first and Sully hastily shed his shoes to follow her.

"You should go," she said turning hastily, surprised to find him so close.

"Are you sure?"

"You didn't know about me.. about us when you made those promises. I can't ask you to not honor them."

"I'll make it up to you," he whispered reaching tentatively for her hand Michaela willingly gave it after grasping her raised skirt more firmly with her other hand. "We have some time before then – we'll make the most of it."

There was still some doubt in her heart about him going but she tried hard not to let it show. "We will," she whispered, watching as he raised her hand to his lips and tenderly placed a kiss to her knuckles.

* * *

Jake watched as the amber colored liquid poured from the bottle Hank was holding into his glass, the desire on his face the same that was on Sully's when he looked at Michaela. Throwing his head back, he drained every last ounce of the liquid growling satisfactorily as it slipped down his throat. "Give me another," he said throwing another bill onto the counter.

Hank chuckled as he complied, the smoke from his cigar circling his head like a decoration. After shooting the second shot, Jake decided he better pace himself and though Hank refilled his glass he didn't take it right away. "You heard 'bout the town meeting."

"Yeah. Myra was talkin' 'bout that nonsense this morning."

"You're goin' aren't ya?"

"Wasn't planning on it," Hank replied moving a little away from Jake to fill up another customer's glass.

"Hank, you've got to come. We don't want no woman doctor here. People gonna think we got a sissy town."

"Ain't gonna matter if we make her the town doctor or not Jake. No one's gonna go to her. I say she wants to be named town doctor, let her. 'Bout the only thing any man around here is gonna let her treat is one of their animals."

"I guess you're right," Jake laughed. "Suppose ain't no point to run her off just yet. She'd make someone a good wife."

Hank laughed and shook his head. "You mean your wife?"

Sitting up and straightening his collar, he nodded. "I do all the town doctorin' now – we'd have a lot in common."

A low whistle came from Hank. "I don't think she's interested in ya."

"Why? What's wrong with me?"

He gave a shake of his head, still holding the secret of Sully and the lady doctor close to his chest. "I didn't say there was something wrong with ya. I said she wasn't interested."

Instantly Jake grew defensive. "I suppose you think she's gonna fall for you."

Hank laughed again, this time a full out chuckle as he bent almost double. "What am I gonna do with a wife?" he asked when he finally gained control of himself again. "Though I do think she needs a good roll in the hay to fix her up. And in that case, I'm your guy."

"You know something, don't ya? Why's she here?"

"Oh, Jake stop being ridiculous." With that he pushed his glass to him, holding the whiskey bottle ready to fill it again, knowing that the offer of a free drink would make him forget everything else. Yet eventually, things would come out. As certain as Hank was that Jake would leave his bar sloppy drunk tonight, he was just as certain that the doctor was here because of Sully. He hadn't figured it all out yet but he knew they had some sort of relationship. It was a mystery and if there was one thing Hank enjoyed it was unraveling a mystery.


	131. Chapter 131

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty- one**

**Colorado Springs – September 22, 1864**

Michaela sat on the front steps of the homestead with a warm mug of tea in her hands, marveling at how the weather changed so quickly. Only a week ago, she'd gone wading, enjoying the warm temperatures that seemed as if they would hold forever. Yet now, she sat huddled deep in her shawl. Taking a deep breath, she stared out at the woods once more, just about to give up on seeing Sully tonight. A noise off to the left caught her attention and she smiled. Standing, she watched as Sully emerged from between two trees. Practically skipping down the steps she stopped short of throwing her arms around his neck. "Sully, what's that?"

Coming closer so that she could see it better, he pulled the fluff ball out of his jacket. "It's a wolf pup."

"A wolf?' she asked, moving backwards in alarm.

"Don't worry. Here." He took another step closer. "I promise ya he's safe." Tentatively, Michaela reached out to touch the moving fur as a nose emerged. Soon the pup was in her arms, her hand stroking the downy fur. "He's why I'm late. Found him when I was out with Cloud Dancing checking our traps. From the look of it his mother was killed by mountain lion so I brought him back with us."

"Are you going to keep him?"

Sully shook his head. "Nah, just gonna nurse him back to health and then let him go." He reached over and took the animal back, tucking him inside his jacket once more. With the pup secured, he looked back up at Michaela reaching for her hand. "How did the meetin' go?"

She raised her eyebrows excitedly, suppressing a wide grin. "You're looking at the new town doctor."

"Really?" he asked surprise evident on her face.

"Really," she assured. "Of course it will still be a bit of a battle." She began to walk back towards the homestead, pulling Sully along with her. "Can you stay for a bit? I'll make you some tea or coffee."

"I'm fine." Sitting down on the top step, he was glad when Michaela joined him, moving in close. "So tell me about it."

Michaela shrugged. "There isn't much to tell really. Not very many people came. The ones who did seemed more interested in getting a look at me than in actually discussing the issue. Hardly anyone spoke." She grew silent for a minute, staring at the ground. "Charlotte spoke in my favor of course and strangely Jake did as well."

"Your competition?" Sully teased. "The midwife and the barber." They both laughed at this comment, Michaela laying her head on Sully's shoulder as they quieted. "Do ya think he was sincere?"

"Who Jake?" Sully nodded. "No. Jake thinks it's a joke. I'm sure they are all waiting for me to fail."

Sully reached for her hand glad to have her sitting so close and being so open to their touching. Michaela felt his warm lips pressed against the cool skin of her knuckle and she sighed audibly. "Joke's gonna be on them cause you're not going to fail." A light blush appeared on her cheeks as she looked down shyly. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," she whispered trying hard to suppress a yawn.

"It's late. Why don't ya go on inside."

Raising her head, Michaela hesitated, looking over at Sully. "I don't want to leave you just yet."

"No, go on. You're tired. I'll be back in the morning. I want to introduce you to the Cheyenne and get that horse for ya. You're gonna need it now that you are the town doctor."

Michaela smiled widely and nodded. They both stood and before Sully had a chance to move, Michaela wrapped her arms around his neck. The pup immediately protested Michaela's weight against him, giving a shrill little bark to alert them once again of his presence. "Oh, I'm so sorry," Michaela exclaimed.

"Don't worry. He's fine." Sully pulled him out as he spoke. "Think we just woke him up." He looked back up at her regretfully. "Night."

"Good night," she whispered standing on the porch and watching as he disappeared into the woods.

Sully looked down at the little ball of fur in his hands and shook his head as he walked back through the tree line. "You are a troublemaker. I brought ya along to be cute for her and instead ya ruin her sayin' good night." He was smiling as he spoke, the pup already opening his small mouth to yawn, his eyes heavy with sleep. Sully tucked him back inside of his jacket with a shake of his head and set off for Sand Creek.

* * *

**September 23, 1864**

True to his word, Sully arrived bright and early the next morning knocking on the homestead door before the inhabitants even finished breakfast. This was on purpose, knowing that Charlotte would invite him in. Though Sully'd come to like the food of the Cheyenne, he found that the smell of biscuits cooking was his weakness, taking him back to his childhood in Maryland – one of the happiest times of his life. Michaela heard his voice through the curtain that separated her sleeping quarters from the rest of the space. Her heart beat quicker in her chest as she parted the curtain and stepped into the kitchen to see him seated at the table.

"Good morning," she said almost shyly finding Sully staring into her mismatched eyes. She couldn't look away so she simply smiled and took her seat beside him. Though Sully had no way of knowing, the shyness was a product of the intense dreams she'd experienced all night long that always held Sully as their main character. She felt vulnerable seeing him so close to one of these dreams, as if she might act on the physical desire that filled her sleeping moments.

Breakfast was a rowdy affair, with Brian talking incessantly about everything and anything, glad to have Sully as a guest. He begged to come along with the two of them, wanting to see the camp of the Cheyenne but Sully promised to bring him another time.

"Go saddle your horse for Dr. Mike, Matthew," Charlotte instructed. Matthew rose but Sully made to stop him.

"No need. She'll ride with me." Michaela blushed heartily as thoughts of their ride to Soda Springs returned and mixed with the strange euphoria she still felt from secret dreams.

"Wont that be uncomfortable?" Charlotte, the voice of reason, asked. Michaela and Sully both turned to her, neither looking particularly friendly about her statement.

"We're gonna pick out a horse for her today. Figured it'd be easier gettin' back this way."

"Right," Charlotte replied giving a quick nod of her head as she could see that she'd trampled on sacred territory, even if she didn't quite understand it.

Only minutes later, Michaela climbed up behind Sully, wrapping her arms tight around his torso as they set off down the road in the direction of the reservation. The day was chilly and Sully was glad, for it seemed as if Michaela huddled closer as the wind whipped around them. He couldn't help but wonder if she was enjoying this as much as he was, longing desperately for a renewed sense of physical closeness between the two but not daring to be the one to initiate it.

Slowing as they reached their destination, Michaela peeked over Sully's shoulder. Last time she was here, her focus had not been on her surroundings but on finding Sully. Now she took in everything, the teepees, the fires – the people tending the fires. She watched as some Cheyenne boys played a game and then turned to see young women working on a stretched hide. Amazed at the busyness that greeted her, she found a desire to understand this new community. She slid off the horse when Sully stopped, intent on her surroundings. Sully was a little disappointed as he'd hoped for a brief hug, a chance to let his hands linger around her waist like day in Soda Springs.

"What are they doing?" Michaela asked, indicating the stretched hide on its wooden frame.

"Scrapin' the hide. It's gonna be smoked later on today. Come on," he reached for her hand as he spoke, "I'll introduce you to Snowbird."

Michaela raised her eyes looking questioningly at the name but Sully never noticed as he pulled her quickly across the camp. He was anxious to introduce her to his friends, his family.

Snowbird was just exiting the teepee she shared with Cloud Dancing as her eyes glimpsed the two coming closer. She turned with a warm smile on her face, letting her eyes wander over the woman that had haunted Sully for so long. "Aenohe Ôhno'kaestse." Her voice was rich, the warmness in her eyes now in her voice as well. "You were gone early this morning – have you eaten?"

Sully nodded. "Had breakfast at Charlotte's. Snowbird, I'd like ya to meet Michaela." He looked extremely proud to be able to share her, his eyes beaming in a way she'd never quite seen.

Reaching out both arms to her, Snowbird stepped toward her. Before Michaela knew what was happening, she found herself being greeted by a firm hug as if they were old friends. Snowbird felt like she was an old friend, having heard much about Sully's childhood as of late. "It is good to meet you," she said as she pulled back.

Michaela nodded. "I've been rather curious myself," she admitted. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Cloud Dancing greeting Sully exchanging words in Cheyenne before turning to face the two of them.

"It is good to see you again, Dr. Mike." Michaela's eyebrows went up in surprise. So far only Charlotte called her this, though it was the name she was known by in the orphanages. "It's alright to call you Dr. Mike?"

"Of course," she laughed, grasping Sully's hand with both of her own. "Just getting used to hearing it here I suppose."

Snowbird wrapped her arm around her husband's waist, happy because she could see the love between the two of them. For so long she had known the melancholy look on Sully's face but that had lifted since the doctor's arrival. "Go on and show her the horses," Snowbird encouraged wanting to give them a chance to be alone some more. "We'll have some time in a bit to sit down and talk."

Sully nodded and began to lead Michaela over to the corral, grasping her fingers tightly to communicate his happiness. "What did Snowbird say to you when we first came?"

"Aenohe Ôhno'kaestse – Lone Hawk. It is my Cheyenne name."

Michaela frowned. "It doesn't sound like a very happy name."

"I haven't been very happy but…" He trailed off, cutting his eyes over at her.

"But…"

"Your Cheyenne name can change when your life changes. I think mine just might change." They reached the coral as he finished and he noticed the blush on Michaela's cheeks once again. For a moment neither spoke as they walked to the far side where a pinto stood. With a grin, Sully turned to her. "She's nice and gentle. I think she will be perfect for you."

For a moment, Michaela considered the horse but found another caught her eye. A chestnut mare a few feet away was giving a spirited neigh. "What about that one?"

She could see the amusement on Sully's face. "No you don't want that horse. She is nâhahévo'ha."

Michaela looked at him trying to repeat the foreign word. "Nah…"

"Wild horse. They call her crazy lady," he laughed seeing the spark in Michaela's eyes and knowing that she had already made up her mind.

"Does she have a name?"

"Flash in the Sky."

"Flash." The name rolled off Michaela's tongue naturally as if this had always been her horse. As if she knew that her new master was near, the mare raised her head and snorted in their direction. Climbing inside of the coral, Sully grabbed a bridle from the post and walked over to the horse. He tried slipping it over her head but the horse backed away, rearing up a little. He gave a shrug of his shoulders as he looked back at Michaela, only to see her climbing in.

"Michaela," he started to call but she was smiling at him in a way he hadn't seen since childhood.

"Let me," she said reaching for the bridle. Sully handed it to her and then stepped back to watch her work.

Making a clicking noise with her tongue, the horse looked up at her and gave another little snort. "Flash," she said gently, the horse raising and lowering her head as in response. Michaela took a step forward and the horse did as well, meeting in what seemed to be a clandestine moment. Before Sully knew it the bridle was on, the mare nuzzling Michaela's hand as she stood there triumphant looking over at Sully.

"Seems ya got yourself a horse."

Michaela gave a little nod. "Seems I do."

* * *

**October 10, 1864**

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Michaela sighed. Another day with no patients. There were only so many times you could organize supplies and clean the same wooden floors over and over. She should be grateful that they'd opened the old boarding house for her. The banker would be in town in a few weeks to discuss selling it to her but for now the town agreed it could serve as her clinic. Michaela was trying to be patient, but if it wasn't for Charlotte and Sully she was certain she would have gone stir crazy by now. Two weeks and the only patient to speak of was Mr. Hansen's pig, which Michaela could have sworn he treated better than his wife.

Still it had only been two weeks. She had entered this situation with eyes wide open and though she was disappointed, she refused to let the townspeople see it. They were waiting for her to fail but she refused to give them the satisfaction. That was why, she didn't mind sweeping the porch two or three times a day and reorganizing the medicines over and over again. Eventually someone would need her and then she would be ready. But she had enough pretending busyness for today and she was looking forward to a nice meal with Charlotte and the children. And perhaps Sully would surprise her with a visit tonight as well which he'd taken to doing lately.

Just as she stepped outside the clinic door, she noticed Hank on the bench, his eyes trained on her with a slightly mocking expression. "Busy day, doc?"

Michaela turned around to lock the door, answering over her shoulder. "Still getting things set up." She heard Hank's laugh, close to her ear and she turned quickly throwing herself backwards against the door.

"Don't got to be frightened. I just wanted ya to look at this." Standing with his back to the street, he held up his hand to reveal a large cut running from the thumb down into the palm.

"Oh," Michaela said, her eyes growing ride. "You wanted me to look at it?"

"You're a doctor, aren't ya?" Michaela nodded and turned the doorknob as she pushed back on the door. Once again, Hank looked up and down the street and then over to the saloon where Myra was keeping watch on the porch. Seeing her nod, he slipped in behind the doctor, shutting the door hastily behind him.

Michaela was already across the room preparing a tray with antiseptic, needle and thread – ready to take care of Hank's injuries. "Have a seat on the table," Michaela called to him as she turned with the tray. "That's a bad cut. How did you get it?"

"Broke a bottle." He watched her carefully as she prepared, noticing how small her fingers were.

"Do you want something for the pain? It may sting badly when I begin to stitch it."

"I already drank half a bottle of whiskey to numb it," Hank laughed. "It didn't work – that's why I'm here."

"Then I should give you something."

"Nah, just sew it up. 'Sides Jake never gives ya anythin' and he's stitched me up plenty of times."

Michaela raised her eyebrows as she dabbed disinfectant on the cut. Hank flinched but then steadied his hand, determined not to appear weak. "I hope you don't mind me asking but why didn't you procure Jake's services today?"

Hank frowned. "He's drunk. I know better than to let him near me when he's been drinking. Been on a binge recently."

"Does he overindulge often?"

"Why ya gotta talk so fancy, doc?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Maybe I don't like you sticking your nose into my customer's business. You one of those temperance ladies?"

"No I'm not but too much alcohol does damage to the body – severe damage. Not to mention the damage people do to themselves when their inhibitions are lowered."

Hank found himself slightly mesmerized as she continued. He wasn't exactly following her words, not understanding half of them but there was something about the way she looked. A fire in her eyes that he hadn't seen in many women before. Jake was right, she was beautiful. He found himself longing to reach out and touch her skin to see if it was as soft as it looked.

"Mr. Lawson?"

"Hmm.."

"I'm finished. And you were a very good patient."

Coming out of his trance, he tried hard to recover. "Whiskey… works great every time." He laughed but Michaela did not exactly look amused especially since she had just finished a lecture on the dangers of alcohol. "What do I owe ya?" he asked.

"Two bits?"

Hank frowned at her, wondering why she seemed unsure of the price but soon he gave a shrug of his shoulders and reached into his pocket for a coin.

"You'll need to keep that dry and have someone change the bandage for you in the morning. If there's any sign of infection, please come to see me right away."

"Uh… alright.. uh… wanted to ask ya somethin'."

Michaela looked surprised but she lowered her head continuing to clean her instruments. "Go on."

"When ya were here last time…" He paused and pursed his lips in a funny manner wondering if he should go through with this part of his plan.

"Yes?" Michaela looked up at him, nodding that he should continue.

"Ya treated Myra … one of my girls."

"I remember Myra. Does she still work for you?" Michaela had hoped the answer would be no but feared it would be yes.

"Yeah. I was thinkin' maybe ya'd could come over and take a look at all my girls. Say maybe once a month." Michaela remained quiet for a moment, unsure whether she felt comfortable taking such a job. It wasn't that she minded helping his girls but would giving them regular check ups be promoting prostitution.

"What is it doc? Too busy to fit us into your schedule?"

"No… I…" Michaela squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. "It would be three dollars a month but that would cover if I had to give them medication or a treatment."

Hank frowned for a moment but then shook his head. "Seems fair." Extending his hand to Michaela, she met his grasp firmly. "Ya can come tomorrow if ya have time." He smirked as he spoke showing himself to the door. The minute the door was closed, Michaela smiled. Her first human patients – prostitutes and a barkeeper. She shook her head but continued to grin, unable to wait until she told Charlotte and Sully.

-----------------------------


	132. Chapter 132

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-two**

**Colorado Springs - December 24, 1864**

Staring at the ever deepening snow, Michaela sighed unconsciously. This holiday was turning out to be much harder than she had imagined. She had to admit that since the first time she left Boston, she was homesick. Missing all that was familiar, she had almost dissolved into tears this afternoon. Sully had left for winter camp over six weeks ago. If he was here, she didn't think that she would be quite so lonesome. Still she tried to busy herself. She actually had a few patients now – Hank and his girls, the man who owned the livery, Robert E, Maude snuck over without Loren's knowledge, and even the Reverend. A few mothers had brought children in as well and since she had assisted Charlotte with a difficult birth, mothers were starting to warm to her services. Yet patients weren't warming on a cold Christmas Eve when you longed for the busyness of Boston.

Tonight, they were supposed to be going to the church for a town wide Christmas Party but the snow that started this morning as flurries soon grew deeper and deeper. Her thoughts turned once again to Sully – if he was warm enough wherever he was. She imagined him huddled under buffalo hides in a teepee and though she knew better, for a moment she also imagined Catherine with him. Sighing audibly once again, she let her mind drift back to the last time she had seen him.

The Cheyenne camp was buzzing with activity as she stood by Snowbird's side. Wolf was in her arms, almost too big to be held now. The animal rescued by Sully, seemed to think that his place was with him and never did return to the wild as Sully had intended. Michaela was glad though because she thought of Wolf as Sully's defender. He would watch over him and Michaela even asked him to do so as they stood there. Perking up his ears, the animal licked at Michaela's fingers as if to say yes before turning in the direction of his master.

Unable to control her emotions, Michaela glanced at Snowbird briefly and then at the ground. "When will you return?" She had already asked this question of Sully numerous times but each time she hoped that the answer might chance.

She heard Snowbird's gentle laugh and then her warm hand against her forearm. "Depends on the weather. Early spring brings us back in March – late winter April. There is no need to worry Dr. Mike. Sully will be anxious to return to you. He's begun to sleep away from here."

Michaela looked up then uncertain what the medicine man's wife meant. "Sleep away from here?"

"He has a lean-to not far from Charlotte's – perhaps other places as well. He wants to be closer to where you are." As she had hoped, this information buoyed Michaela's spirits. A small smile appeared on her lips and a decided twinkle in her eye.

"I didn't know," the doctor whispered turning to look in his direction once more. He was standing twenty feet away, securing the load on his horse as his eyes caught sight of her. This was not easy for him and his heart felt heavy knowing that in a few minutes he would be leaving her. With slow steps he made his way over to her, Snowbird instantly excusing herself to give the two time alone. The camp faded away as he stood in front of her. Sully took the wolf out of her arms and lowered him to the ground before pulling her against him. Just the night before, she had told him all of her fears about this trip. Things she kept bottled up. It had been hard to hear but it was a good start for them. In the past things like this were kept hidden but no longer both vowed.

Yet now standing here holding onto him, Michaela felt that her fears were worse than the night before. "You know I've got to do this, don't ya?" Michaela nodded but kept her head down. "I want to stay here but I promised."

"I know," she finally whispered reaching out to touch the front of his shirt. "You'll be careful?"

Sully laughed gently. "I'm always careful."

Michaela stiffened at his attempt at lightheartedness. "I'm serious Sully. I couldn't take it if I found you, only to lose you again."

The words touched him deeper than any words they'd spoken had so far. Swallowing hard, he pulled her into his embrace, glad that she didn't object. "You aren't going to lose me," he whispered finding it hard to keep his own emotions in check. Clinging to him, Michaela buried her face in his shirt, finally giving in to her pent up emotion. Neither noticed the way others stared at them, especially Shivering Deer who was standing only a few feet away.

When Sully finally released her, he placed his thumb under her chin and gently pushed up. "I'm coming back. I promise."

And then Michaela was in his arms once again, her head pressed tight against his chest. Sully could have sworn he felt her lips placing gentle kisses there, though with the thick layers he wore he couldn't be sure. If they had been alone, he would have kissed her. He looked up to gauge how close they were to leaving and knew that his departure was immanent. If she had told him not to go at that moment, he wouldn't have been able to tell her no. Of course Michaela wasn't about to say he couldn't go – part of her self imposed penance that came from the guilt that sometimes bubbled within her. In her mind it felt as if their being apart was still her fault and she paid the price for it over and over.

Even now sitting here in front of the window, her nose cold against the glass, she still felt guilty and wondered if she would ever shake this feeling. It was only the voice of Brian as he climbed into her lap that finally roused her from her daydreams. "You look sad Dr. Mike. Ya ain't supposed to be sad on Christmas."

With a weak smile, she ruffled the little boy's hair. "I'm not sad Brian – just missing home a little."

"And Sully too," Charlotte added knowingly from the kitchen where she and Colleen were just finishing up the preparations to their meal. Colleen was melancholy too but over the fact that they wouldn't be going to town that evening. She had a new dress that she wanted to wear and staying home with it on didn't feel the same to her.

"We make a merry bunch," Michaela sighed.

"Just the weather got us down. You'll see a nice warm supper will lift everyone's spirits. Come on and sit down at the table. It's just about done." Michaela smiled as Brian jumped down and climbed up in his chair. Matthew too came to the table followed shortly by Michaela.

"Ma, do ya think Santa Claus will be able to find us?" Brian looked worried.

"This is his kind of weather," Michaela replied. "I am certain he will find you." That brought a wide smile to the little boy's face as he considered what presents he might find waiting in the morning. Charlotte turned with a large platter full of roasted meat and had just set down on the table when a loud knock came to the door.

For a moment, a collective sense of panic resounded between the individuals. Charlotte was the first one to cast her fear aside and march over to the door. "Maybe it's Santa Claus," Brian whispered so that only Michaela could hear him and that alone made her forget her own fears. The door opened with a blast of cold air and swirling snow as a well bundled figure stepped inside.

"Sully?" Charlotte asked before his face was even visible. Michaela felt her heart begin to thump wildly in her chest as she looked up waiting for any indication that this was indeed him.

Unwrapping one layer, his head suddenly became visible and they all breathed easy. It was in fact Sully. He looked immediately at Michaela and smiled widely. "I didn't want to miss Christmas," he said loud enough for all to hear but Michaela sensed he was talking specifically to her. "Would have been here much sooner if it weren't for this darn weather."

"We're just about to eat. I hope you plan on staying." Charlotte winked as she spoke.

"Have I ever turned down food?" Sully laughed, shedding the rest of his layers.

"Not that I can remember." He was glad to hear Michaela's voice and to see her rising. She helped free him from the final layers of warmth commenting on how wet everything was. "Where's wolf?" she asked a slight hint of worry in her voice.

"Hurt his paw so I left him with Cloud Dancing." Lowering his voice, he spoke only to Michaela. "Tried to bring Brian a wolf pup because I know how much he wants a dog but it didn't work out."

Michaela smiled. "Well I know he isn't as exciting as a wolf pup but Byron is here."

"Byron?" Sully looked around as he spoke, spotting the dog curled up on the hearth. "He didn't even bark when I knocked."

"Oh I just think he's tired. Brian plays with him almost constantly." Unsure whether it was the right thing to do or not, Sully leaned over and hugged her briefly. Judging from the way Michaela held on, he knew coming here tonight was the right decision. There were so many things he wanted to say and almost did but Charlotte was calling them to supper. Later, he told himself, it could all be said later.

* * *

The night passed quickly as time always does when no one wants it to. With much fighting, Charlotte finally succeeded in getting the children down and then she went and joined Colleen in her bed in order to give Michaela and Sully some privacy. Sully drew one of the benches from the side of the table over to the hearth. "Come sit with me?" he whispered watching as Michaela finished preparing two mugs of coffee.

All evening they had exchanged furtive glances, dreaming about being alone. Now that they finally were, there was a nervous tension in the air. Six weeks had only solidified for both of them how they felt about the other but it was hard to know where to begin. Gracefully gliding across the room, Michaela handed a coffee to Sully before sitting down next to him. "Have Cloud Dancing and you finished the vision quest?"

Sully shook his head as he swallowed a sip of the warm liquid. "Gonna leave when I get back. Spent most of this time, convincing Two Feathers' family 'bout Shivering Deer."

"Did it work?"

Looking down, he sighed audibly. "It ain't gonna work. It's rare for 'em to marry outside their tribe. Two Feathers knows he'd be an outsider."

"But isn't she part of the Cheyenne tribe? I mean she lives with them, has adopted all of their customs."

"I know but they don't see it that way. And Two Feathers needs to stand up to 'em but he won't." Sully looked disgusted as he spoke. "I tried to tell him 'bout Daniel and Sarah – they don't care what others think."

"I've been thinking about going to see them in the spring," Michaela whispered, secretly hoping that Sully would come with her. "I've never seen John and now the new baby."

"John's sweet," Sully started but then realized it had been four years since he'd seen him either. "Course I only saw him when he was a baby." They both grew pensive again, finding the hoped for solitude awkward. "How are things goin' at the clinic?"

"Not too bad. I have a few more patients." Sully turned towards her and smiled warmly encouraging her to continue. "Robert E… Maude… of course Hank and his girls."

Sully stiffened. "He treatin' ya alright?"

"Better than alright," Michaela smiled as she continued, "Some of the guys were givin' him a hard time but he put an end to that quickly. Not that I approve of violence but still…" She giggled a little and Sully saw the young girl appear briefly in her eyes. "Even the reverend came to see me last week." Looking pleased with herself, she spread the folds of her skirt flat with her palms. "Oh and I've been assisting in some of the births with Charlotte." Their eyes locked as she finished her statement and it was as if he could see down inside of her. Michaela felt as if her thoughts were bare before him. Putting down his mug, he took her hand in his intertwining their fingers together. Slowly he lifted their joined hands to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of her knuckles.

Continuing to hold their joined hands close to his chest, he asked, "Ya miss Boston?"

"Not now that you're here." Her voice was low, her eyes fixed on him as if by looking away she might miss something.

"I miss Boston." The words hung in the air for a moment. Michaela could barely believe her ears, knowing how much Sully hated Boston. Seeing the look of shock on her face, he explained. "I always do at Christmas. I love your house decorated with the big Christmas tree in the foyer and another in the sittin' room. I love sittin' at the top of the stairs with you, spyin' on everyone below."

Michaela smiled. "We didn't usually spy on people." Sully bumped the side of her shoulder lightly as he smiled knowingly. There was a brief moment when it looked as if they might kiss but Michaela turned her head down, still afraid of their physical relationship. What if that became their focus again? She couldn't let that happen.

Dropping her eyes to the ground, she grew nervous. "When do you have to go back?"

"Figured I'd head back when the weather clears. Cloud Dancing and I were supposed to leave before now. He's waiting on me." Sully didn't add how reluctant he was to go, secretly hoping that the blizzard would continue to roar around them. "Guess I should let ya go onto bed."

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Barn," he said letting go of her hand and standing. But Michaela grasped it again, unwilling to let him sleep there.

"You can't sleep in the barn." She said it as a quick reaction but now she wasn't sure where to suggest as an alternative. Matthew, who usually slept in the barn, had doubled up with Brian because of the storm and Colleen and Charlotte were sharing as well.

Giving her fingers a light squeeze as he watched the arguments play across her face, Sully knew she was struggling. "You don't mind me sleepin' by the fire?" he asked hoping to set her at ease.

"No," she whispered shyly and then tilted her head up to look at him.

Sully motioned to the bed with a nod of his head. "Go on. I'll make myself comfortable here." Michaela rose and walked over to the bed where she instantly grabbed a pillow and then took off one of the blankets for him.

Without a word, he took the items from her, their hands brushing in the process. A jolt of electricity went through both of them. Michaela reluctantly pulled away and edged over to the bed. She loosened the top button of her shirt and then made to lay down drawing the remaining blanket over her. At first she kept her back to Sully but as he situated himself she felt drawn to him. Rolling over she watched as he spread the blanket on the floor and then doubled it – using it as a cushion rather than for warmth. Sully couldn't see her as he stared into the flames but he felt her eyes on him. It wasn't long before her breathing became deep and even. Only when he was sure she was asleep did he get up and approach her. Gently he pressed a kiss to her forehead, so as not to wake her. "I love you," he whispered as she stirred in her slumber. For a moment he feared he'd woken her but she turned on her side and settled back down. Again, he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her forehead. Leaving her was going to be hard.

* * *

Christmas morning started early as Brian woke the entire household with his excitement. Though it was different than Christmas back in Boston, it felt more pure – more perfect. Perhaps it was sitting beside Sully or the children's contagious excitement, but whatever it was Michaela couldn't remember feeling happier. Sully made a saddle for Flash as a Christmas present to her. Michaela could still see his artistic side in the craftsmanship and it made her think of the past. Having saved it for the right moment, Michaela gave him a copy of Walt Whitman's newest publication of poetry knowing how much he enjoyed the poet. It was all in all a wonderful Christmas.

Sully, who'd planned to head back immediately, lingered at the old homestead for days. For the first few, the weather was genuinely too severe for him to leave but as the snows began to melt, he knew his parting was inevitable. The days were happy ones for both of them. They played in the snow with the children and then came in to find Charlotte had prepared another delicious meal for them. There was always something cooking, filling the house with heavenly smells. Their only regret was the lack of privacy and alone time. Sully continued to sleep by the fire and often they would talk quietly late into the night knowing there was nothing pressing the next day.

On his final day there, Sully was outside chopping wood to replace the supply that they had used over the last few days. Michaela was scurrying about the yard, doing a few chores before she headed to the barn to milk the cow. Her cheeks were red with the cold and the scarf that she had used to wrap around her head had fallen backwards. Untamed pieces of hair framed her face and Sully found his heart beating hard in his chest. She genuinely had no idea how beautiful she was. Putting down the ax he walked over to where she was struggling with the barn door. He reached past her and popped the latch hard on the upper edge freeing it from the icy grip.

"Thanks," Michaela said warmly stepping inside with a pail in hand for milk. Sully followed and watched for a moment knowing this could be their last chance to be alone before he left in a few hours. Before she could sit down on the milking stool, Sully pulled her into his arms. Taken by surprise, she almost lost her balance but found she was being held steady by his strong arms.

"I don't want to leave," he whispered. "I want you to know that… to understand that."

"I do," Michaela nodded as she spoke. "And it won't be so long now. Winter will break soon and you'll be back in March." Yet as she said the words, she realized how long that would be. Something had changed inside herself in the last few days but she wasn't sure how to put it in words. She turned her face up to him and closed her eyes as if she was asking to be kissed.

Surprised, Sully instantly pressed his lips to hers, feeling the cold and warmth all at the same moment. He didn't push her farther than that but did kiss her again, only breaking the contact when they heard a giggle. Turning, they both glimpsed Brian peeking through the partially open door but he ran when he realized he'd been spotted. Michaela tensed in Sully's arms and started to go after him but Sully held her fast.

"Don't go."

"Sully he shouldn't have seen that." Panic crossed her face as she considered having to explain the situation to Charlotte.

"We weren't doing anythin' wrong. I was just kissin' ya." His voice was defensive with a slight edge to it. Letting go of her, he ran his hand through his hair and stepped back. "I don't want to fight."

Michaela swallowed hard at his words which served as a reminder of the past. "You have to leave soon," she whispered regretting her embarrassment but unsure how not to feel that way. Knowing she was on the verge of tears, she turned away from him but soon felt one arm wrap around her waist as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I ain't gonna leave you again after this," he vowed not knowing that in only a few months, he would walk away when she needed him most.


	133. Chapter 133

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-three**

**Colorado Springs – April 1865**

Time felt as if it stood still as she waited for the winter snows to pass and for spring to finally arrive. Michaela had always found January a hard month anyway. Perhaps it was the let down of all the gaiety of Christmas but she always felt depressed then. Yet with Sully gone, it was worse than ever before. At night she dreamed of him. Dreams filled with passionate kisses and long talks. Those dreams made her believe he was back and she awoke to face the cruel reality of his absence. Other times, she dreamed something had happened to him – that he was calling out to her. Often he was on one side of a cliff, her on the other and no matter how she tried, Michaela could not get to him. A few times, after particularly vivid dreams of this sort, she couldn't ebb her crying and had to bury her face in a pillow so that no one would hear her.

February wasn't much better than January. Though she knew better than to expect anything, the combination of her birthday and Valentine's Day left her mind creating all possible scenarios of Sully surprising her again as he had at Christmas. She fought against the growing hope in her chest but still managed to find herself disappointed when both days passed without a hint of him. On Valentine's Day, Michaela actually withdrew her own copy of Whitman poetry – one that she'd found at Anna's house the last time she was there – and read it to herself in the barn. The racy passages made her blush furiously and she recalled an earlier time when Sully had shared these with her. It helped her to feel as if he was here even if only in spirit and she tried hard to focus on that feeling rather than dwell on her sadness.

Yet February was filled with other events as well. The banker finally made a trip to Colorado Springs from Denver and plans were put into place for the money to be wired for purchase of the clinic. Michaela never imagined that there would be a problem, though the banker didn't seem too keen to be doing business with a woman. Yet a week later a telegram came that saddened and infuriated her.

_Dear Dr. Quinn,_

_We received your request to wire the money in your account to the Bank of Denver. Once your father signs off on the request, we would be more than happy to complete this task. As guardian of the trust, we cannot transfer the monies without his approval. If you have any further questions, please contact us._

_Sincerely,_

_Bank of Greater Boston_

Michaela read the letter over again to herself, knowing exactly what this meant. Her father had refused to sign off on the transfer. What was she going to do? She needed that money to buy the boarding house. It was the perfect place for her clinic and she knew the bank in Denver would never agree to give her a loan given the banker's attitude last time he was here. Panic crept into her chest but she fought against it. She hadn't heard from her father yet. True he was not pleased with her decision to come west but maybe when he understood what the money was for, maybe then he would agree to sign for it. She was angry that he would deny her access to her money but it hadn't truly surprised her. It was as if with every passing year she discovered another true layer of her father's personality. Still perhaps the doctor in him would be unable to refuse her this request. So that now, for the first time since she left Boston, she wrote to him solely, instead of the usual letters addressed to her mother as well.

March came in blustery and cold, with a late snow falling about the middle of the month. The cold weather meant no return of the Cheyenne but Michaela took to waiting up late on the porch of the homestead anyway. She always claimed to be reading but Charlotte knew that in truth she was hoping that tonight might be the night he would return. Later, Charlotte would hear the gentle sound of the door closing and her locking up for the night. Sometime it was accompanied by soft sighs, other times by tear streaked cheeks. The older woman prayed he would return soon because she had grown quite fond of Michaela and hated to see her so saddened.

At the beginning of April, she actually managed to pull out of her depression somewhat. Part of it was the change in weather that buoyed her spirits and ascertained the fact that he would soon return. Another part of it was the letter she received from her mother promising for the money that she would need for the clinic from her own personal finances. While Michaela was saddened deeply over her father's desire to keep her money from her, she was more impressed with her mother's progressive attitude. Elizabeth was behind her one hundred percent and Michaela felt the love of her mother deeper than she ever had before. The other thing that happened at the beginning of April that pulled her out of her slump was her first true operation here in Colorado. While she'd lanced boils and stitched up a multitude of cuts, there had been no call so far for any form of surgery besides one or two Caesarian sections. Yet one night that all changed as Hank arrived at the homestead, insisting that she come right away as there was something wrong with Myra.

The examination didn't take long – Michaela was sure of the problem and the cure. Her appendix would have to come out. She could see the fear in the young girl's eyes even though she tried to hide it, bravely agreeing to the surgery. Hank wasn't convinced so easily and others in the town seemed destined to think she would fail. With the help of Charlotte and surprisingly a very young Colleen she managed to perform the operation perfectly with Myra waking up a few short hours later. Even in the week following the operation, Michaela felt the change in people. They no longer looked at her suspiciously but rather with respect. She had in their eyes, finally gained her status, her rightful place among them by operating on someone they deemed almost worthless. Still Sully was never far from her thoughts.

That was true on this day as she closed up her bag and took a deep breath, finishing her examination of Myra.

"Dr. Mike?"

Quickly she looked up at her patient. "Hmm?"

"I asked if I could go back to work now," Myra repeated wondering why the doctor was so distracted today.

"Oh, I'm sorry. The incision is healing nicely but I still think that you should take it easy for another two weeks."

"Hank ain't gonna like that," she muttered but inside she was glad for a few more weeks rest.

"I'll take care of Hank," Michaela assured her with a shake of her head. "Just leave it to me."

"Are you alright Dr. Mike? Ya seem awfully distracted today."

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Sully?"

Michaela wasn't even aware of the telltale blush that sufficed her cheeks. "Well... I... there's much going on...ah..."

Myra couldn't help but smile knowingly. The look in Michaela's eyes was easily read. "Don't worry Dr. Mike. The Indians sometimes don't come back from winter camp until April and it's been a hard winter. I'm sure that delayed them a bit."

"I suppose," she agreed dropping her head as she wondered if her feelings were that obvious. A warm hand enclosed hers and she looked up to find two very understanding eyes.

"He loves you, Dr. Mike. I knew it the first time I saw ya two together. Everyone was sayin' ya were his sister but I never believed it. I saw how he hugged ya when ya got off the stage for his and Abby's wedding. I knew then."

Michaela smiled weakly and gave a slight nod. "I miss him," she whispered unsure why she felt so safe revealing her inner feelings at this moment.

"Course ya do - you're in love. Ya always miss someone when ya love 'em." Myra had her own far off dreamy look in her eye but she quickly snapped back to reality. "I ain't educated like you are Dr. Mike but I know men. He loves ya and you'll see he'll be back real soon."

With that a brief hug was exchanged and Michaela left the girl's room. She looked over at Hank who stood behind the bar, planning to let him know that Myra still needed rest but a noise from outside caught her attention. It was Brian's voice - she was sure of it and he was yelling – calling out to someone. Quickly she went to the door and stepped out onto the porch, her eyes instantly taking in the sight of Sully with the young boy. She smiled and swallowed hard as their eyes met across the short distance. Giving Brian a quick pat on the head, he moved towards her, his gaze never wavering.

"Do ya like hangin' out here?" he asked glancing up at the saloon and then back down at her.

The color on her cheeks deepened once more and she turned her head shyly to the side. "I was tending to Myra. I had to perform an appendectomy a few weeks ago."

Sully nodded, his eyes hungrily caressing her face. The delay in returning had only made his desire to see her increase and he wished they were alone at this moment. He reached his hand out to her tentatively, unsure whether she would take it or not. "Want to go get some lunch at Grace's? I reckon we got some catching up to do."

Out of the corner of her eye, Michaela saw the proffered hand and couldn't help but grin. Forgetting all about talking to Hank, she placed her fingers in his grasp and stepped off the porch towards him. "I'm glad you're back," she whispered.

"I'm glad I'm back too," he replied threading his fingers through hers as they set off together down the street.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – April 20, 1865**

Michaela was looking forward to spending time alone with Sully. It was nice to have him back – but sharing glances with him at family dinner was not the same as just the two of them sharing a picnic or walking through the forest. Normally she spent Saturday mornings working at the clinic and she could see no reason to alter her routine. Sully wouldn't call until the afternoon and there were certainly plenty of things for her to do. She was thankful for the steady stream of patients that helped the time pass quickly. A baby with a cough, Mrs. Danver's arthritis acting up and she even removed some stitches from Jake who'd taken a nasty spill while intoxicated.

When she finally looked up at the clock and noticed the time, a smile formed on her face. Sully would be here soon. Taking a single deep breath, she began to tidy as her head swam with thoughts of their last time together. The kiss they'd shared in the barn was the first since they'd reunited and thoughts of it occurring again made her heart beat wildly. A knock at the door caught her off guard and she momentarily stopped to catch her breath. When she opened it, he stood there casually, his own nervousness well hidden behind a cool exterior. "Hey, ya ready?"

"I just need to take this off," she said already reaching for the ties at the back of her apron.

Noticing the flushed cheeks, Sully smiled and stepped inside. With one foot he pushed the door closed, and then leaned back against it. "Busy morning?"

"Steady." She slipped the apron over the hook nearby and turned to face him once more. "Alright."

Sully couldn't resist her proximity and pulled her into his embrace, moving his head to lie against the side of her head. She was tense in his arms but he didn't let go as he willed her to relax. "Sully what if someone sees?"

"No one's gonna see us. Door's shut, curtain's pulled. Far as they know, you're doctorin' me." He nuzzled her ear as he spoke, letting his hands wander lower down her back. A fierce battle raged inside of Michaela. There was a time when this would have been perfectly acceptable and part of her wanted to return to that time and place. Yet something held her back and she wasn't even sure what. Sully moved back, disappointment obvious on his face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I want…" It was hard to voice what she wanted, how she felt. She wanted it all back like it used to be but was so scared of hurting again. In their four years apart, she'd shut off the part of herself that loved him without restraint and she couldn't figure out how to turn it on again.

Instantly, Sully felt bad. He had pushed, even after promising himself he wouldn't. Touching her shoulder softly, he spoke trying to ease her discomfort. "I'm sorry too." Slowly she looked up at him, gratefulness in her eyes. "You ready?"

"I am." The words barely felt like they were hers as she stepped out the door with him, the magical spell once again weaving its way around them. Hank watched from the porch of the saloon as they mounted their horses, their eyes still focused on each other. "Where ya headed Dr. Mike?" he called loudly.

The question caught her off guard and she felt the warmth on her cheeks. "Taking her out to the reservation," Sully replied while she still fumbled with her thoughts. "Some people there need her help."

Hank sneered as he leaned over the porch rail. "Ain't see no use helpin' those injuns. Army's gonna kill 'em off anyway."

Michaela looked over at Sully and could see the anger on his face. "Let's go," he said in a low tone and Michaela knew he was upset. Hank continued to speak but they both dug their heels into their respective horses and set off at a fast pace. Just outside of town, Sully smiled over at her trying hard to let go of his anger. "Wanna race?"

"To where?"

"Up over the next rise, there's a bend in the road. We'll stop at the big oak there."

"You're on," she laughed and kicked off hard. Sully knew Flash was fast but he had no idea just how fast. Michaela took off like lightening, laying low over the horse's neck as she raced the wind. Sully dug his heels in once again but her lead was commanding. Still he pushed on up over the rise, always trailing her. The ride was invigorating for both of them. It helped Michaela relax and Sully's anger to lessen. When he finally pulled the horse to a stop at the oak, Michaela looked windswept and absolutely beautiful.

"I won."

"I think you had an unfair start."

Michaela laughed. "You're a sore loser," she said clicking her tongue so that Flash began to walk along again.

"And you're gloatin'."

"I'm not," she shot back feeling rather carefree suddenly. "Where are we going?"

"Thought I'd show you something." There was a serious tone to his voice now and a weird look in his eyes that made Michaela even more curious. It was only now that she realized the path was familiar – she'd been this way before. Swallowing hard, she fell behind him now. If she was right, if their house lay at the end of this road…. She wasn't sure she was ready for this. It held too many memories of the past, too many hopes for the future.

Yet before she could fret much more, they were there. The yard was terribly overgrown but she could make out the porch from this distance. Sully turned to look at her, a questioning look on her face. "I wondered," she began, "what had happened to this place."

"It's the place time forgot," he whispered. And it was true. Here his love stood entombed for her as it always had. He hoped that coming here today might allow them both to once again get in touch with their feelings. Quickly now he dismounted and walked to her horse to grab the reigns. Michaela gave him control, allowing him to lead the horse and his through the tall grasses to the porch when he tied them. And then his hands were on her waist as he lifted her down. Before she knew it their lips were pressed together, her arms wrapped around his waist tightly. Again and again he touched her lips and then moved to her eyes and cheeks. Michaela stood still letting his kisses fall on her like rain.

"Sully," she whispered giving in, feeling herself coming out of a deep slumber. "Sully." Her voice was breathless, soft and almost seductive. He couldn't resist her even though he worried that he scared her. Again he found her lips, placing soft kisses to the corners before pressing his lips tight against her forehead.

"Oh God, Michaela." This was his dream, his memory – everything he had at one time and everything he wanted for the future. He was holding her and time felt as if it was standing still. There were first chances and sometimes if you were lucky second chances but Sully wasn't sure how many chances they'd had – how fortunate they were.

Neither heard the rider until he was right upon them, they broke apart quickly both startled by the sudden interloper. "Matthew," Michaela gasped embarrassed that he had caught them in such an intimate embrace.

"Dr. Mike," he said briskly not bothering to dismount. "Ya gotta come quickly – Ma's awful sick."


	134. Chapter 134

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-four**

**Colorado Springs - April 20, 1865 **

The smell of death hung heavily in the room. It wasn't the first time she had this stench in her nose and certainly it wouldn't be the last time, but it was poignant nonetheless. This was Charlotte – her friend, her best friend here in Colorado. This was the person who'd kept her sane while Sully was gone – the woman who showed her how to live here when she hadn't a clue. Again she raised the scalpel and cut at the flesh knowing it was doing no good. Still she flushed the wound once more, wanting desperately to try anything that might save her. Yet the venom was clearly already in her system – she was too late to help. Guilt stung deep inside – if she'd been here instead of with Sully….

Her thoughts were cut short by the moan of Charlotte. Michaela looked up to see her struggling to sit up. "Are you in a lot of pain?" she asked already turning for another morphine shot.

"No," Charlotte said through parched lips. "Dr. Mike, please just come sit." The words stirred her and she stopped her busyness to return to the older woman's bedside. Opening her eyes and trying her hardest to be lucid, Charlotte reached for her hand and grasped it firmly in her own. "Dr. Mike you have to promise me …"

Michaela cut her off, not even imagining what Charlotte was about to ask. "Anything."

"Please, promise me you'll take the children… watch over them… raise them as your own."

"Oh Charlotte you don't mean that. Surely there are others who are more suitable."

"Promise me."

The plea was so desperate and though fear occupied Michaela's heart at just the thought of raising this incredible woman's children, she couldn't tell her no. "I promise," she whispered giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "I promise."

A look of peace settled on Charlotte's face and she closed her eyes for a moment. "The children… I want to see them."

"I'll get them now." Michaela started to rise but Charlotte clutched at her hand.

"Sully first."

Michaela turned, her brow wrinkled in confusion. "You want to see Sully before the children?"

"Please get Sully," Charlotte whispered, her voice strained with emotion.

"Charlotte, please rest. There will be time to talk to Sully later."

"Please Michaela. There's something I need to tell him. I have to see him….. alone."

Michaela rose reluctantly and headed for the door. She turned once more to look at Charlotte, only to see the staunch determination on her face. Descending the stairs, two at a time she made her way to the clinic door where most of the town had gathered. All eyes turned to her as she opened the door but the only people she noticed were the children. Brian clung to his sister's waist while Matthew stood behind them both, his hand on Colleen's shoulder.

"Is she gonna be okay, Dr. Mike?" Brian asked as his eyes met hers.

"I don't know yet Brian," she whispered. She knew but it wasn't the news he wanted to hear, it wasn't the news she wanted to share. "She wants to see Sully."

"Me?" Sully asked looking up at Michaela with a look of surprise.

"Alone," she added and moved to the side of the door so that Sully could step through.

Sully bowed his head and headed into the clinic. He moved methodically up the stairs, his mind wondering what Charlotte wanted to tell him. The door to her room was open and he wasted no time in crossing to the bed. Her eyes were shut but they opened as he came close.

"Sully?"

"I'm here Charlotte. What is it?"

"Sully there's something I have to tell ya. Something I should have told ya long ago."

This only confused Sully more and he leaned in close to listen to her strained voice. "It's about the day that Abigail went into labor."

"I don't understand," he said shaking his head. It all felt so long ago, he had no idea why Charlotte would be bringing it up now.

"I know how guilt gnaws at people Sully. I don't want that for you… I want the best for you and Dr. Mike." She stopped now and took a few deep breaths, finding it hard to continue on. Her eyes closed and Sully was just about to call for Dr. Mike when she spoke again. "Abby killed Hannah."

"Hannah?" The name fell off his tongue sweetly, the love there apparent. "What do you mean?"

"There were bruises all over Abby's stomach as if someone had punched her repeatedly. I think Abby was trying to get rid of her. She was so perfect and so still." Charlotte paused for a moment, knowing this next part would be even harder to say. "I don't think Abby was raped, Sully. The baby was too big. I think she killed Hannah because she didn't want you to know. She killed that baby while it was inside of her… I didn't want you to think that it was your fault. I don't want you to have any guilt about her or the baby. She was sick Sully, very sick."

The words stung him as he tried hard to make sense of what was happening. The past he had made peace with was now changing radically before his eyes and it was making things muddled. No rape. A murdered child. Anger, sharp as a sword, rose up in his chest but the person who deserved that anger was lying in the graveyard beside her child. The child she killed. If he'd known, if he'd thought….

A gentle knock came to the door and he rose to open it. "I'm sorry," Michaela whispered but the children were anxious and I'm not sure…" She choked up a bit then, knowing that the end was nearing after having just explained this fact to the children and the others down below. Sully stepped to the side and they rushed past him. Brian climbed up beside his mother curling up under her arm while Colleen lay prostrate on the bed, her head over Charlotte's stomach. Matthew stood at the end of the bed stoically, trying hard to be a man. His lips quivered though, the little boy shining through.

Sully stepped out of the room at that instant, the scene barely registering as he continued to reel from the sting of Charlotte's words. Michaela needed him at that moment and rather than stand awkwardly watching the family she followed him, assuming he was upset about Charlotte's impending death just as she was. He stopped at the end of the hall, looking out the window but seeing nothing. Michaela's arms closed around his waist as she buried her head in his back letting the tears flow freely.

"I can't do anything else for her Sully," she whispered. "I feel so helpless."

The words resonated inside of him as he turned to pull her close. "I wanted to save her. I would have done anything for her."

Michaela assumed he was talking about Charlotte as she held him even tighter. "She's asked me to take the children."

The words woke him momentarily. She was telling him because she needed to hear that he thought she could do it. She needed him to say he would help, be here for her no matter what. Yet he remained strangely silent and then a loud wail went up from the next room and Michaela knew it had happened. Moving away from Sully, she went back to the room to see Matthew visibly sobbing. Colleen and Brian were clinging to their mother. Charlotte was strangely still.

That was what Michaela would remember for years and years. The woman who never stopped moving was still. The image was ingrained upon her memory as she walked down the stairs, Brian in her arms and Colleen holding tight to her waist. She wanted one more arm to wrap around Matthew but somehow she knew he wouldn't have let her, at least not right now.

She assumed Sully had preceded her down the stairs to announce what had occurred so that she was a little surprised when they emerged into the bright sunlight to questioning looks. The news was given in a moment and arms took each of the children, tears falling fast all around.

Maude stood right there as Michaela turned. "Where's Sully?"

"I don't know. He was here a minute ago."

"Walked out that way," Jake chimed in pointing out of town. Michaela froze, panic welling up inside of her. As she repeated over and over to herself that he was coming back, he had to come back.

* * *

Noise from the saloon drifted over to him as he kneeled at her grave in the dark. Laying his head just below the grave maker, he cried mourning for the daughter that wasn't even his. It felt rather surreal to be in this place again. "I should have protected you," he whispered as grief overtook him. "I didn't know what she was doing. I would have protected you."

For hours he'd wandered around, time was lost to him even as it was now. He prayed for hours, crying out to the spirits. In trying to rid him of guilt, Charlotte had only heaped it on. What if he could have saved her? If he had known… he looked to his right and saw Abigail's name emblazoned there. Images of what she had done to herself haunted him and he knew then, there was nothing he could have done. Abby wasn't right, Charlotte had said she was sick and she was. A sickness of the mind, one that he didn't understand but knew he was powerless to stop. Out of the darkness and swirling emotions, it slowly came to him. Michaela… he needed to find Michaela. Without horse, he ran his feet fast and furious over the dirt road. He needed her touch, her reassuring words.

The fire was slowly dying as Michaela sat in bed staring into the embers. Numbness filled her, shock at Charlotte's death still too fresh for her to comprehend. There was anger there as well, anger at Sully who had disappeared when she needed him most. All day was like an endless waiting game, expecting him to return but he never had. Hope ebbed from her and she felt abandoned – utterly alone in the world.

Seeing the low fire light coming from the cabin, Sully knocked lightly afraid that the occupants were asleep. "Michaela," he called softly and then knocked again.

Extricating herself from between Brian and Colleen, Michaela climbed out of the bed to open the door to him. She pulled her shawl around her shoulders, numbness now filling every pore of her being. As she opened to him, he could see the red rimmed eyes and it moved him deeply as realization dawned on him. "Oh my god, Charlotte's dead."

Michaela wasn't sure whether it was a question or a statement. Yet hearing the words out loud made the reality come crashing in again. Doubling in on herself, she began to cry, loud heart wrenching sobs. Sully instantly pulled her into his arms, practically crushing her against him.

For a moment, Michaela reveled in his embrace, letting her sadness out that she tried to hide in front of the children. She felt his fingers running through her hair as he rubbed her back and instantly it occurred to her that he was part of her grief. "No," she said weakly, pushing at his chest.

"Michaela?"

"Shh," she warned laying her finger to her lips. Pushing past him, she stepped out into the chilly spring night pulling her shawl tightly around herself. "Where were you Sully? Where have you been?" she asked as she heard the door close. Her voice was calm, not betraying the hurt and anger.

"I was praying to the Spirits," he said confusion still on his face as to why she'd pulled away like she did. "I didn't know she'd died."

"Yes you did, Sully," she said indignantly. "You were there.. you heard the children cry out."

"Oh my god, Michaela. I'm so sorry." He tried to pull her close again but she remained stiff as a board.

"It's a little late for that. I needed you Sully."

"I'm here."

"I needed you two hours ago, while I rocked a sobbing Brian to sleep. I needed you three hours ago, when I had to clean up a dinner that no one had touched. I needed you four hours ago when Matthew sprinted off and I had to run after him." She broke down again, leaning over the edge of the railing as she moved away from him. "I needed you," she cried out in between sobs.

"I'm here now," he said again passionately. "I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"It's too late Sully." She turned anguish filled eyes on him and Sully literally cringed as he watched her. "What were you doing? Where were you?" He started to try and explain but she continued on not giving him a chance to speak. "I wanted this to work but some things never change. Someone will always be more important than me."

"Oh Michaela, that's not true. No one is more important than you." Once again he pulled her close, believing he had received the brunt of her anger already. "No one could ever be more important than you."

Michaela closed her eyes as she lay against him for a second, unable to think clearly but knowing this was wrong. "Please Sully," she whispered pushing against his chest. She felt trapped in his arms, instead of free like she should have. He let her go and she quickly moved away. "I want to be first, not the last thought."

The words hung in the air, filling up all the empty space between them with their truth. Michaela felt rather selfish having said it, but her grief was too overwhelming at the moment to care. Her eyes brimmed over with unfallen tears and she wiped at them hastily.

"I'm sorry, Michaela." He moved close laying a hand against her shoulder. If she knew, she would understand. He could make this right- he had to make this right. Yet Michaela reacted as if she'd been burned by his touch, recoiling completely. Sully grabbed for her hand as she wrenched away and could feel the anger and sadness pumping through her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he repeated over and over as he realized for the first time ever how much his leaving had affected her through out her life. "I'm not going to leave again… I'll never leave you again."

Michaela nodded but appeared unconvinced. "I'm tired," she whispered as weariness set in.

"Of course. Let's get you back to bed. I'll stay on the floor by the fire."

"No," she said forcefully, surprising herself by the loud sound of her voice. "I think it's best if you go." She moved to the door as she spoke, her hand already on the latch.

"Michaela, don't push me away." He was pleading with her but Michaela remained unmoved, unable to say anything in return. The door opened and then she was gone as Sully stood there staring at the closed door, hearing the latch slip into place. "Michaela," he whispered raising his fingers to run over the wood grain. There was nothing more he could say. There was no use in knocking again, he knew she wanted him to leave and so he did, reluctantly moving through the night in search of a sleep that would never come.

* * *

**Colorado Springs - April 28, 1865**

Days passed, each as desperate as the next. Sully attended the funeral, keeping to the back for most of the time. He did approach the children near the end and though they were terribly sad, neither was upset with him. Sully hoped that this was only a temporary division between the two of them but Michaela was oddly formal as he offered his condolences. For a moment their eyes met and her heart was laid bare before him. He wasn't wrong that she still loved him, still needed him. Yet she quickly hid behind the wall again, burying whatever feelings she carried somewhere deep inside. This wasn't how he wanted things, not how he'd planned things. For many nights at winter camp, he dreamed of his return. Of days spent walking in the woods with her, kisses shared in the places he loved best. Over and over he thought about marriage, of their house and he wondered how slowly he should move.

Yet now, none of that mattered. Any ground they had gained was lost and he couldn't see how to get it back. Returning to the Cheyenne had been his temporary solution, hoping that Cloud Dancing would offer words of advice or a solution that he couldn't yet see. Yet the answer was inside of him the whole time, he only needed Cloud Dancing to point the way.

Sitting by the creek, he breathed in deeply waiting for his brother to speak. He'd spent the last fifteen minutes pouring out his heart to him, telling him everything that had occurred now and in the past. Some things Cloud Dancing already knew, some things he now saw through Michaela's eyes. "There is no easy solution to undo years of hurt," he said his voice deep and rich as ever.

Sully sat perplexed by his words. "She's being unreasonable. She won't even talk to me."

"She's been alone for a long time."

The words felt accusatory to Sully and he instantly became defensive. "I had to go to winter camp – I had promises to keep."

Cloud Dancing shook his head as if Sully was hopelessly lost. "You have been alone. You know what it feels like. Your parents both died and then you lost the Quinns but you've moved on in many ways. Dr. Mike's parents are alive but inaccessible. Her father is not the person she thought he was and her mother is distant." Sully nodded in agreement. "She believes she can make it on her own."

"She can," Sully said hopelessly. "It's me that needs her – that's what scares me."

Studying the blades of grass under his fingertips, Cloud Dancing gave a slight shrug of his shoulders. "You have told her this?"

Sully was ready to say yes, to swear adamantly that he needed her but he realized that Cloud Dancing was asking for more than words. He could say he needed her but if his actions didn't back it up…. on the other hand her actions told him that she needed him but her words said no. "In words," Sully whispered.

Cloud Dancing nodded, knowing that his brother had now seen the error of his ways. "Show her in actions."


	135. Chapter 135

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-five**

**Colorado Springs – May 1865**

Sully knew it wasn't going to be easy to make his way back in to Michaela's life but his mind was determined now. Bright and early the next morning after talking to Cloud Dancing, he went straight to the old homestead. There was no knock on the door, even though the urge to see her was rather great. Retrieving the ax he began to split wood for the wood pile, stacking it high against the side of the house. Michaela as well as the children, who were just waking up to start the new day, heard the noise – the rhythmic fall of the blade. Brian was instantly at the window, a bright smile on his face when he recognized Sully's form.

"Dr. Mike, it's Sully," he announced cheerfully. Michaela drew in a sharp breath, torn between rushing to the window to see him and remaining aloof. Yet before Michaela could respond in any manner, Brian was already racing back towards his sleeping area to change into his clothes.

"Brian?" Michaela called. "We haven't eaten breakfast."

"But I ain't hungry," he whined. "I ain't seen Sully in a long time. Can't I go out for a bit?"

"I'm not hungry and I haven't seen Sully," Michaela corrected and then swallowed hard.

"You can come too," Brian replied innocently not realizing that Michaela was simply fixing his grammar.

She hesitated for a moment but the excitement in the little boy's eyes finally won her over. "Alright go on," she agreed with a slight nod of her head.

"Can I go too, Dr. Mike?" Colleen asked emerging from behind the curtain, now fully dressed.

"Yes." The words were brief as she heard the girl brush by the table, Brian's feet echoing on the wooden floor soon after. She tried hard to repress the desire to look but eventually she knew there was no use. Crossing the room, she stood to the farthest side of the window and looked out. Sully was squatted down talking to Brian, laughing at something the young child was saying. Matthew emerged from the barn and Sully stood to greet him. He needed that, Michaela thought to herself. The young man wouldn't talk to her about his mother's death but perhaps he would talk to Sully. After all Sully had lost his mother too and understood only too well about death and loneliness. It was standing there watching the two of them together that Michaela remembered that night so long ago in Maryland when he'd cried and told her about his mother, about how much he missed her. The strange thing was that even looking at him now as a full grown man, she could see that lost little boy inside.

Feeling her defenses weaken, she slipped away from the window to start breakfast. She needed Sully at that moment, needed his arms around her holding her and telling her everything would be alright. Yet the fear of him abandoning her once more was still too strong for her to acquiesce. Quickly she busied herself with getting breakfast, not bothering to stop until everything was on the table. With a deep breath, she opened the door purposefully not making eye contact with him. "Time for breakfast," she announced and Brian who had declared earlier that he wasn't hungry raced past her.

"Come on Sully," he shouted, unaware of the tension of the moment.

"I'm not hungry," Sully said quickly. "Ya go on. I want to finish stacking the wood."

"Thank you," Michaela offered hastily, already turning back to the door.

"Michaela?" She paused but didn't say anything. "I'd talked to Charlotte 'bout puttin' a new roof on the house. I still plan to do that."

With a lowered head, she spoke, not wanting to admit what she was about to say because she'd never told him before now. "I don't have the money for that right now Sully." She didn't have to look up to know that Sully was confused. "My father has taken control of all of my money from Anna."

"Oh God, Michaela. He can't do that."

Holding her emotions steady, she nodded. "He can and he has."

Sully took several steps forward, resisting the urge to try to comfort her. He did raise one hand towards her but she instantly stepped away again. "I'm so sorry."

"Anyway, I can't afford a new roof right now."

"That's already taken care of," Sully assured her. That wasn't exactly true but he had a little money that he could use for this job and he could always tan some hides to sell.

Reluctantly, she agreed. "Alright, thank you Sully." She opened the door but then stopped. "Would you like some breakfast?"

There was nothing more that he wanted to do than join her and the children inside but he knew she would only be uncomfortable. "No, I'm gonna finish up out here." Sully instantly went back to his work, not noticing how Michaela lingered around the door watching him. There was no way for him to know how large an impression this first morning made on her or how much each subsequent deed did either. He brought them fish or deer meat for dinner and rarely stayed. He finished the roof, mucked out the barn, kept the woodpile stocked and did any other chores he could find to do. He was there every morning before they left for town – having decided she needed to see that his presence was permanent.

Michaela did in fact become accustomed to his presence in their lives and though she wasn't ready to admit it, she missed him desperately and longed for the days when he'd agree to stay on for dinner. Today was one of those days, that she needed his presence but he wasn't around when they returned home. She was tired and needed to go to bed but knowing tears were close to the surface, she decided to slip out of the door. The moon was full illuminating the ground between the barn and the house brightly. Michaela felt the heaviness in her chest as grief once again threatened to overtake her. She had lost her only ally – her only true friend in this god forsaken place. Once again, the thought of going home to Boston crept up on her but she quickly dismissed it. Whether she was ready to admit it or not, this was her home now. Inside were three children who needed her very much. That thought scared her to death and she sunk to the steps of the porch wondering how she would ever make all of this work.

Her stomach lurched as she once again fought to keep down the meager meal she had eaten earlier. Exhaustion threatened to overtake her but she couldn't let it. There were still too many things to be done. Placing a hand against the step she pushed herself back up, determined to continue on even if it was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Michaela." His voice snaked out of the darkness grabbing her heart and constricting it tightly.

"Sully?" Slowly she stepped down into the yard searching for sight of him.

"It's me… I wanted to come by and see how ya were holdin' up."

"I'm…We'll be alright." Her voice was strained and Sully could hear it. He stepped closer taking her by surprise.

"Sorry didn't mean to startle ya." He looked up into her face and grew concerned.

"Michaela are ya alright?"

She wanted to lie – to tell him everything was fine but she felt tired and weak unable to cover her own deficiencies. The moonlight seemed to play tricks on her mind, the shadow dancing as blackness threatened to engulf her. "I ...I don't feel so well," she said falling slightly forward.

Sully reached for her, pulling her body against his in a warm embrace. "Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of ya now."

Michaela wanted to protest but standing here with him like this, she found she couldn't. "I don't want to get hurt again," she whispered her true insecurities coming to the surface in her weakened state.

"I'll never hurt ya again," Sully vowed, hoping that she would truly hear his heart in those words. For a moment, she simply lay against him and then he felt the hot tears soaking his shirt, her pain now becoming his. Sully wasn't sure if it had more to do with him or Charlotte's death but it didn't matter – he was part of it. Silently, he promised to never make her cry again, unsure that he could take another scene like this.

Michaela felt foolish for giving in so easy. She was still angry but tired of being that way and it felt so good for him to simply hold her. "Can we do this?" she whispered, her voice rather small in the endless night.

Sully didn't need her to clarify, he knew exactly what she meant. Yet it hit him hard as he realized that Michaela wasn't sure they could make it, something he was positive of since the day he'd ridden after the stage. The silence confused Michaela and she stepped back from him unexpectedly. Believing that he had as many doubts as she did, she turned a little and began to walk towards the woods until she reached the tree line. "I'm certain you have your doubts as well." Her words woke Sully from his trance and he stepped forward a little. What was she saying? He didn't have doubts, only fears that she would slip away once again. "I can't blame you for that… I'm the one who pushed you away and I've done it again now."

Sully put his arm out towards her but she began to move away again until she was near the edge of the barn. Patience- that was what was required, he told himself. The moon was low in the sky and it illuminated her hair perfectly. Again he stepped forward but this time Michaela turned her head, their eyes meeting in that instant. A slow blush crept across her cheeks but she did not drop her head. He felt his heart melting as their eyes refused to break the connection. And then he knew. Why was he waiting? What was holding him back? She needed to know. He walked now, confidently across the ground. The pounding of his heart was deafening in his ears. Nothing could deter him. This was the moment he had been waiting for and dreaming of for so long.

Stopping a few feet from her, he took a deep breath. "Michaela?"

"Yes."

"I," he hesitated feeling his nerves return. Her face fell and he could tell she was afraid of what he was going to say.

Tentatively, he reached for her hands taking them in his own. They looked so small. Resisting the urge to pull her body against his, he began again, "I." Michaela interrupted him before he could continue.

"Sully, please don't. I know how awful I was to you. Please don't push me away. My life has been so empty, I just need..." she couldn't continue. She let out a small sob as the tears began to run down her cheeks anew. Pulling her hands away from his, she covered her face.

"Shh," he whispered lovingly pulling her into his embrace. "Do you know how long I have dreamed of this moment?" She didn't respond. "John once told me to be patient with you and you would come to me. Truth is I never been good at waitin'. Maybe that's why we've always struggled. I was always pushin' instead of waitin'."

"Oh, Sully how can you think any of this is your fault?"

Leaning into her, he brought his head down to her ear. "Michaela, don't live in the past."

"Oh, Sully, you don't know how long," she began.

Sully interrupted, "Yes, I do. But we can stop fightin' and pushin' and pullin' away now. You're finally here in my arms and I ain't letting go."

The words sunk in slowly, melting the chilliness of the past few weeks. She clung to him tightly now, her knees so weak that she was certain if she let go, they would not even support her. They held onto each other for a long while, neither speaking even though there were many things that needed to be said. Eventually Michaela regained her footing and loosened her iron grip on him. Dropping his hands, he took hers in his once more. "Tell me," he whispered seeing the words behind her eyes.

"I never knew what it would be to live my life without you but then… then I had to."

Sully nodded. "I know what ya mean. We got used to life without the other in it."

"I'm afraid this isn't going to be easy." Sully held her gaze and he could in fact see the fear in her eyes. "Things are different now."

"We'll just start over." Sully felt her hands relax in his and he couldn't help but smile. Now without the fear, he could see the weariness there and the gauntness in her cheeks. "We can talk about all this tomorrow." He let go of her left hand to push a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Ya need some sleep."

Anxiously, she bit on her bottom lip, knowing he was right but not wanting to leave him yet. "I don't want you to go."

The honesty of her words moved him deeply. "I'll stay a bit but let's get ya into bed." Michaela was too tired to protest and she soon found herself laying on the soft mattress as Sully pulled the quilt over her. He was sitting on the other side of the bed watching over her protectively. Slipping one hand under her head, he moved it to rest against his leg. He massaged her exposed temple gently, Michaela's eyes already closing.

As if there conversation from outside was continuing, Michaela spoke feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time. "Sully… in my heart, I know where I'd like us to be… but I don't know how we'll get there."

"Me neither. Cause there ain't no maps. But it you're willing to set off without one…."

"I am," she whispered half awake and half asleep.

Sully smiled as he listened to her deep even breathing. He leaned over to kiss her forehead, stroking her cheek softly as he did. "I know where to start," he whispered. Receiving no response from her, he let out a little laugh. "And tomorrow I'll take you there."

------------------------

Brian opened his eyes as the sun was just peeking over the horizon feeling the overwhelming need to visit the privy. Quickly, he jumped out of bed, pulling the curtain to the side and headed for the door but the sight he encountered halted him in his tracks. There on Dr. Mike's bed he saw Sully sitting up asleep and Dr. Mike asleep with her head in his lap. This confused him and he started to wake Colleen but he remembered the reason why he had got up and decided to take care of that first.

Sully opened his eyes as the door closed, smiling to himself. "Michaela," he called looking down at her. "Michaela."

"Hmm," she said as she stirred. The heat of Sully's body against hers brought back all that had happened in the past few weeks and the proceeding night. Quickly she sat up.

"Good morning," she said shyly. "I didn't expect you to still be here."

"I promised you I wouldn't leave until you fell asleep. Looks like I fell asleep too."

"I guess we better get up before one of the children sees us," she said blushing now.

"Too late for that," he responded.

"What?"

"Brian just went outside to use the privy but he saw us before he left." Michaela's blush deepened and she hastily got off the bed. "Michaela, we weren't doin' anything wrong. Just sleepin'."

"I know but it doesn't look right and Brian is so young. He might tell someone how he found us."

"Are ya worryin' about what other people think?" Sully's eyes clouded over as he asked the question.

"Oh Sully," Michaela said feeling bad for making him doubt her. "No, I don't care what anyone thinks. I just don't want the children to think we were being improper."

"It's hard to be improper when you're fully dressed," Sully said grinning at her. Michaela bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Then she turned to start getting breakfast ready.

A minute later, Brian returned to the house. "Why did ya sleep here last night Sully?"

Sully could see Michaela's discomfort clearly written on her face. "Cause Dr. Mike and you all have been goin' through a rough time and I needed to be here."

Colleen popped her face out of the curtain. "Sully?" she asked disoriented by his voice.

"It's me Colleen," Sully answered watching Michaela busy herself with making oatmeal.

"Why are ya here so early?" she asked but before he could answer Matthew walked in the door.

"Sully?" he asked also surprised by his presence.

Sully laughed. "Listen, Dr. Mike and I had a lot of things to discuss last night and we stayed up real late talking."

"Cause ya had that fight?" Brian asked with all the innocence of a six year old.

"Right," Michaela said finally turning towards the groups now huddled around Sully.

"Hope ya all don't mind me bein' here cause I gotta a feeling I'm gonna be here more often," Sully said looking at the three children.

"Why?" Colleen asked.

Sully looked over at Michaela. "Cause me and Michaela are gonna be courting."

Matthew smiled and let out a little laugh. "Fine by me," he said.

Colleen had already stepped to the side to wrap her arms around Michaela. "Fine with me too," she said happily.

"Why ya gonna be courtin'?" Brian asked. "Do ya love Dr. Mike?"

Michaela dropped her eyes refusing to look at Sully, as a fear she hadn't allowed herself to feel began to spread throughout her body. They had come so far last night but they hadn't spoken about love. She held her breath waiting to see what Sully would say.

Sully took a deep breath feeling just as scared as Michaela. Several times last night he had wanted to say those three little words to her but fear of rejection had held him back. Now he screwed up his courage and boldly spoke what he felt deep inside. "Yes, Brian, I love her. I always have."

Michaela looked up at him and smiled as all of her fears were washed away by those simple words.

"And you love Sully?" Brian asked turning towards Michaela.

"Yes, sweetheart. I love Sully," she said her eyes locked with Sully's as she lost herself in the underlying sense of oneness that still connected their hearts. After a brief moment she turned once again to face the children. "Now you all need to get dressed while I finish breakfast."

There were grunts and sighs but they each turned reluctant to leave the excitement. Sully took the opportunity to step close to Michaela at the stove. "Sully if you could please set the table."

She didn't realize how close he was to her now so that when he spoke, his voice was right next to her ear. "After breakfast, I want to take you somewhere.'

"But we have church…." she began to protest but then suddenly stopped seeing how important this was to Sully. "I suppose we can miss one day." Her words were met with a gentle squeeze of her shoulder and a wide smile as he moved behind her to start setting the table.


	136. Chapter 136

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-six**

**Colorado Springs - May 22, 1865**

Mist still lay along the ground as they picked their way carefully over the scrub brush to the small path that led up the sloping ground. Michaela held tight to Sully's hand wondering what he was so anxious to show her. Michaela had taken the children to church and then asked Grace from the café if she could keep an eye on them for a bit. Since Charlotte's death, Grace was a godsend bringing regular meals and offering to help Michaela in anyway she could. This day was no exception and she quickly agreed without asking a single question about where the doctor would be spending the morning. The children were happy as well as they loved visiting with Grace who let them eat pie and cake to their heart's content.

Michaela felt grateful for the people of Colorado Springs – the ones who had rapidly embraced her as of late. There was a certain pride as she climbed beside Sully and he felt it too. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

Sully's voice jarred her and she looked over at him. "Just how things are working out here. I wasn't sure … .I was afraid it would be Boston all over again."

"You're a good doctor Michaela. Don't doubt yourself."

The heat rose on Michaela's cheeks as she bent her head forward slightly. It wasn't so much that she didn't know that but rather the confidence that Sully's voice affirming it conveyed to her. "Thank you," she mumbled giving his hand a small squeeze.

Looking at her out of the corner of his eye, Sully sighed audibly knowing that soon they would be at the summit and he would share with her what he'd wanted to for awhile now. There was a sparse tree line that they worked their way through, only to emerge into a breath taking sight. Michaela's mouth opened in surprise, her eyes wide as they took in her surroundings. She felt Sully turn towards her and though she didn't want to stop looking at the scenery, she could tell that he had something to say.

"This is where I come when I lose my way. I've never brought anyone here."

Michaela took a deep breath, her eyes staring into his and seeing that there was something more. "What is it Sully?"

He knew he had to tell her, probably should have told her the night before but it didn't make the moment any easier. "The day Charlotte died…" His voice trailed off for a moment as he dropped Michaela's hand for the first time that morning. Michaela wasn't willing to let him slip away though and she threaded her arm though his pressing her mouth to his shoulder. "When I saw her before she died, she told me about Abby."

Again Sully grew quiet and for the first time Michaela could sense a deep pain in what he was about to tell her. She gripped his arm tighter, encouraging him to continue. "Sully," she whispered when he still hesitated.

"Abby killed Hannah."

The words hung there for a moment, Michaela trying to make sense of them as she swallowed hard. She could feel him slipping away but for a moment she did nothing about it, still too stunned by his words. Sully felt the grief anew and fell to his knees a few feet away, burying his face in his hands. Yet before he had a chance to feel alone and abandoned, Michaela was kneeling down in front of him pulling him into her tight embrace as she began to rock him back and forth. There were no words spoken for awhile as Michaela continued to comfort him. Eventually they shifted their positions, finding kneeling too uncomfortable given the rocky terrain. Sully's head rested in Michaela's lap as she sat upon the ground. His body was wrapped around her legs in a fetal position as he cried out all the anger and grief that had plagued him for so long.

Words tumbled out – the whole story, everything Charlotte had said to him. And then he talked about how he felt, how he wished he could have protected the child he considered his daughter. Michaela comforted him by stroking his cheek and his hair. As he calmed some, Michaela leaned over him placing kisses to his closed left eyelid and then his cheek. Both felt as if they were back to being young again, seeking comfort in the one place that they knew they could count on – each other. Things changed there that day. A bond was forged that was stronger than any bond that had bound them before. Michaela needed him and Sully needed her, in ways that they had never fully committed to in the past. Perhaps it was the lack of maturity in their past that kept them from this utmost bond or maybe it was that they simply weren't ready. Yet they would walk away from that mountain, changed – sure of the path before them leading them together into eternity.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – May 30, 1865**

Stopping briefly, the redhead looked back down the road she'd just traveled. A hint of a smile filled in her features knowing she would never have to fear him again. With his grave still fresh, she packed up the few things she owned on the back of the wagon, hitched up the horse and headed out of town. She didn't need anyone asking questions, wondering why Marcus passed away so suddenly. Would anyone believe that it was an accident? That she'd only hit him in self defense? She'd already seen the odd looks and hidden whispers which was enough to drive her away. There was only one place she knew to go and that was to her sister.

Giving a shake of the reigns, she started on her way again feeling the weariness of her travels. She hadn't been to Colorado Springs in over ten years and to go under these circumstances was hard. Yet her options were few and far between. Fear had held her back for too long and now was not a time to let fear take her once again. Maude would not turn her away even with their rocky past. If anyone would have a problem with her presence there, it would be Loren but Dorothy was determined to stay regardless.

Arriving in town strategically as dusk fell, she assured herself a room for the night. No one would turn her away with the absence of a boarding house in town. As she pulled up in front of the mercantile, Loren was the first to spot her, the red hair serving as a dead give away. He stepped down off the porch with the broom still in hand, his mouth hanging open. "Dorothy?"

Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him with a smile. "Loren," she said warmly walking over to where he stood. She could still see the young man from so long ago in his face and for a moment she was certain that she saw longing in his eyes. Yet it was quickly covered. "It's good to see you." Loren's brow wrinkled as he considered her carefully, uncertain why she was here. "Is Maude here?"

Loren nodded and looked back over his shoulder to indicate that she was in the store. Yet the commotion had already caught his wife's attention and she was just stepping out the door as she recognized her sister. "Dorothy," she said happily now moving quickly down the stairs. "What are you doing here?" The words were light hearted and welcoming as she enclosed her sister in a warm hug.

There was no delicate way to say what had happened so Dorothy simply let the words slip off her tongue. "Marcus is dead." She heard her sister gasp as the pressure of the hug increased around her midsection.

When she finally pulled away, she could see the look of concern on Maude's face. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she assured her. "But I need a place.."

The words were barely out of her mouth before Maude was assuring her that she would have anything she needed. "You can stay in Abby's room. I'll have Loren take care of your wagon and horse." She looked over at her husband with a little nod of her head. Loren moved but slowly, the shock still resounding on his face. Just as Dorothy could see the young man from so long ago when she looked at Loren, he too saw the young redhead that he was so madly in love with. To hear that she was staying with them was hard to take in, knowing that his feelings for her were hard to conceal. Somehow nothing had changed when he looked at her. There was still the pain of her rejection and an ever abiding love that he could not seem to let go. This was going to be hard - too hard. Her presence there would cause tension in the house and eventually there would be a fight. It had happened before and Loren was almost certain it would happen again.

Slowly he unloaded the wagon, trailing the items into the mercantile and up the stairs to his daughter's old room. Normally he hated being in this place but tonight his thoughts were elsewhere and he moved about as if it was any old room. Once everything was unloaded he brought the wagon around the back of the mercantile to unhitch the horse. Without a word to his wife, he walked the horse back around towards the livery barely registering it when Robert E spoke to him.

He stood now in the middle of the road looking up toward the mercantile with no desire to return. There was no way he could handle sitting across from Dorothy tonight and he wouldn't make himself either. Slipping out of his apron, he headed toward the mercantile to drown his troubles in shots of whiskey.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – June 20, 1865**

While Dorothy's arrival sent shockwaves through Loren's world, it barely registered overall. There was a buzz for the next couple of days about her arrival but then things settled down again. Hank of course noticed how unsettled Loren remained and his frequent visits to the saloon only confirmed his suspicions. Yet this new development with Loren wasn't the only thing Hank was aware of. While others paid little attention to the fact that Sully who rarely came to town seemed much more present, Hank took it all in.

Perhaps it was from their youth of constant hiding that Michaela and Sully were not obvious about their relationship. They weren't trying to intentionally keep it from people but they weren't flaunting it either. Still there were looks, nudges and whispered words that if closely watched would have been very revealing. The children knew of course and were thrilled about the recent changes. Brian especially as he idolized Sully above anyone. Sully made sure to stay close to the homestead, planning hunting trips that would bring him back by evening. He understood the importance of continuing to prove himself to Michaela and he was determined to show her that never would she again have to worry about him leaving her. In this way, every night Sully ate with the family and stayed to see the children off to bed with stories composed of Cheyenne legends.

Michaela quickly fell into this new daily routine, looking forward to the point in the evening when the children were settled. The weather was warm and almost balmy some nights as they sat together on the porch. It was their chance to talk without interruption and while they did talk, the evening often ended in silence. Sully was cautious about pushing her father than she was ready for physically but he still enjoyed the evening when she relaxed into his embrace, often laying her head against his shoulder. Time would pass quickly and often the sky was lightening in the east before Sully would head home. Neither felt the need for much sleep though, both intoxicated by love's newness once again.

Another change that occurred was Michaela's presence at the reservation. The relationship between Cloud Dancing and herself grew as they came to each respect the art of medicine that each possessed. Michaela put herself under his tutelage learning the natural remedies of the land that the Cheyenne had employed for centuries. At the same time, the Cheyenne began to trust Michaela as she was their best defense against what they generally termed white man diseases.

With this new relationship having developed it was not surprising that the women of the tribe would seek her help as well. Michaela had performed a caesarian on a mother only a month ago, saving two lives in the process. When Sully showed up early on this particular morning, Michaela was only too ready to ride out with him to assist in another such difficult birth. Again things went smoothly and within the hour she'd delivered a healthy baby boy and stitched up the incision she'd made in his mother's abdomen. As she emerged from the teepee, she sighed happily instantly spotting Sully off to the side. Men generally stayed away from such affairs but ignoring convention Sully approached. "Everythin' go alright?"

"Very well," she assured with a smile. "But I need to wash up. I have some extra clothes in my saddlebags."

"I'll get 'em for ya," he said quickly already stepping away from her. "And then I'll take ya down to the creek."

Michaela gave a shake of her head but smiled as the other women watched her. She felt the warmth on her cheeks but it pleased her, knowing that others saw what was between them. She had no way of knowing that soon she would wish no one knew. Sully returned promptly and they started on their way, just the two of them.

The forest was green and lush with the thick summer growth. A springy moss carpeted the floor of the forest making their footsteps almost silent as they walked along. Michaela smiled as she watched Sully leading the way in front of her. Sometimes she still couldn't believe she was here with him but it felt good to have him so close. The sound of water told her they were nearing the creek. The trees became less dense and before she knew it they had arrived at a pool of water fed by the small creek. Sully placed the bundle he had been carrying at the base of a nearby tree before turning to Michaela.

"This place is beautiful Sully," Michaela said as she took in the surroundings.

"Nothing compared to ya," he replied stepping forward to slide his arms around her.

"Sully, I wouldn't do that – I really need to wash up first," Michaela warned. "Delivering babies is a messy job."

"Okay," Sully groaned removing his arms. "I put all your stuff over there," he indicated the bundle near the tree. "I'm gonna go up the trail a little and give ya some privacy but if ya need me just holler."

"Thank you." She gave him one of her crooked grins and stepped towards the pool. True to his word, Sully moved away up the trail but his thoughts remained down by the creek. Having her close again after so long was playing havoc with him. He sat down against a tree leaning back and closing his eyes, imagining what it would be like to join Michaela in the small pool. He had purposefully tried to keep the physical part of their relationship from becoming too intense but everyday that they were together he was finding it harder. His mind drifted to the night before when she had lingered in his arms after he kissed her good night.

"Sully," Michaela's voice intruded into his thoughts. Quickly, Sully made his way down to the pool to see why Michaela had suddenly called for him.

"What is it?" he asked concern in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to worry you. I just thought you could join me for a swim," Michaela smiled up at him, her eyes shining. "We haven't been swimming together in a long time."

"True," Sully agreed as he made his way to the edge of the pool. Michaela had removed her skirt but stood in the waist high water in her bloomers with her shirt still on. Sully took off his shirt but left on his buckskins and climbed into the pool. "Water feels good," he said as he made his way over to her.

"Yes," she said tingling with anticipation of what she hoped was to come. Sully stopped just shy of her and lowered himself fully in the water. "I hope you aren't planning to splash me Mr. Sully," she flirted.

"Now would I do somethin' like that," he asked in mock protest. Michaela smiled and lowered herself into the water as well. Suddenly Sully grabbed her shoulders and dunked her the rest of the way under. Michaela came up quickly trying to get the water out of her eyes.

"Sully!" she exlaimed.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. For old time sake," he laughed. He began to approach her again but she stepped backwards.

"Do you think I'm going to let you get close enough to do that again?"

Sully smiled at her. "I just wanna ask ya a question."

"You can ask from a distance," Michaela returned. Sully stopped and considered her for a moment.

"Okay," he said. "Supposedly there is some kind of dance next week and I was just wonderin' if you'd like to go with me."

Michaela couldn't contain her excitement. She practically threw herself into Sully's arms as she gave a resounding, "Yes!" Sully pulled her close with one arm and brought the other hand up to brush her hair out of her face.

"Good," he said nodding his head slightly smiling down at her lips.

"What are you looking at?" she asked recalling a conversation from long ago.

He smiled to let her know he remembered too. "Two beautiful lips," he whispered before leaning closer to her. Gently, he kissed the sides of her mouth, reveling in the feel of her body against his. Michaela had missed this so much when they had been apart. He pulled back slightly to gauge her reaction. There was no fear on her face. Softly he placed gentle kisses to her left shoulder. He could feel her shivering at the sensation. He continued the kisses up her neck and she leaned her head to the side to give him better access. Her hands were on his bare chest and she caressed him eagerly. Sully groaned as her hands moved. Did she know what she was doing to him? Probably not. Eagerly he claimed her lips with his own in a heated moment. His tongue begged for entrance to her mouth and for the first time since she had arrived in Colorado Springs she willingly gave it. Now she wrapped one hand around his back trying to bring him even closer if that was possible.

They were oblivious to the approaching footsteps, lost in the moment with each other. They only broke apart as a voice called out, "Dr. Mike?"


	137. Chapter 137

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-seven**

**Colorado Springs – June 20, 1865**

Cradling her head against his shoulder, Sully pressed his lips to the top of her left cheek. "Ya sure, you're alright?"

"I'm fine," she assured him again for at least the tenth time that night. "I'm not going to let Jake worry me."

Sully nodded but she felt his muscles tense, knowing he was still angry at the town's barber. It wasn't Jake's fault that he had wandered upon their intimate moment at the creek but the fact that he hadn't politely excused himself had made Sully irate. It was clear from the way he leered at the two of them that he planned to share the information. That was why Sully had expected a orse reaction from Michaela. .

"Don't worry Sully," she whispered trailing her fingertips down the open v of his shirt.

"He's gonna say somethin' Michaela. Ya realize that don't ya?"

Michaela didn't respond right away, lowering her head slightly as she thought about the implications. Of course she knew that Jake had a big mouth and there was no reason for him to remain quiet. She did hope he would but more because she was afraid that people wouldn't understand the situation. No one here knew their full past – the fact that they had been in love practically their whole lives. A display like that was shocking, she knew. A kiss in public normally indicated an engagement. Of course Michaela believed that the path she was walking with Sully would lead to marriage and though he had not yet asked, in her heart she considered herself promised to him.

Taking a step away from Sully, she looked up into his blue eyes and smiled softly. "We can't control what he's going to do. I know there will be consequences. The town doesn't exactly know about us which will be shocking enough but to hear how he found us…." Her voice trailed off for a moment and Sully instantly thought she was ashamed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hastily, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat.

Michaela softly touched his arm, her face full of concern as she hushed him. "No, don't say you're sorry. We've always had to hide. They don't know, no one has ever known. We're too used to living in the shadows but I don't want that for us anymore." She laid her hand against the side of his cheek and Sully covered it with his own. "Sully I love you and I'm not running from that anymore."

"Never again," he promised his eyes melding with hers.

Michaela could see his sincerity but she also knew that he was still angry about what had happened earlier. "Promise me, you'll leave Jake alone."

Sully raised his chin a little, avoiding her gaze. Michaela's hand fell away as she carefully considered him. "If he doesn't bother you, I won't have a reason to bother him."

"I can take care of myself. I'm not the same girl you left in Boston."

Sully could hear the offended tone in her voice and that was the last thing he wanted. Looping one hand around her waist, he pulled her back against him as she turned away. "I don't doubt that. I just wanna take care of ya – make sure no one hurts ya."

Part of her wanted to continue protesting this attitude but she found comfort in his words at the same time. Closing her eyes, she let herself be drawn into his warm embrace, resting her head back against his shoulder once more. She turned her face instinctively towards him, kissing the line of his jaw. "I love you," she whispered and felt Sully's arms squeeze her even tighter. She felt safe here in his arms, safer than she'd felt in a long time and it had everything to do with Sully. It wasn't that he had promised to protect her from Jake. For the first time in her life, she realized that she fully trusted him, trusted him with her whole being.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – June 24, 1865**

Loren ambled out from the back of the store, his face set in a permanent frown. Dorothy's sudden presence in their life seemed to keep him in a horrid mood from sunrise to sunset. His customers had noticed and Dorothy had certainly noticed. The only one who seemed unaffected was his own wife. She carried on her routines as normal, acting as if Loren's frown was a common place fixture. On this particular morning, Dorothy had been to the telegraph office where she picked up some tale that Jake was telling about Dr. Mike and Sully. She'd been repeating it to Mrs. Jenkins while Loren straightened the shelves behind the counter.

The older man pretended not to listen but really he was, never one to pass up the latest piece of gossip. Yet he couldn't believe the tale she was carrying, it was too far fetched to be believable. He laughed several times in spite of himself and Dorothy noticed but didn't say anything until Mrs. Jenkins left the store.

"What is it, Loren?" she said turning to face him as she leaned back against the counter.

"I didn't say anything." His tone was irritated as he slammed a can down on the shelf.

"You were laughing the whole time I was talking to Mrs. Jenkins. Are you seriously acting that juvenile about people kissing or is it something else?"

Moving to the next set of can goods, Loren gave a shake of his head. "I just don't believe that story you were tellin'. Dr. Mike and Sully?" He laughed again with a smirk on his face.

"But Jake said he saw them Loren. They were barely dressed swimming in the creek up by the Indian land. And he says they were kissing."

"Aww… Jake was probably hittin' the bottle again. I don't care what anyone says Dorothy."

"Well, what makes you so sure that Dr. Mike hasn't taken up with Sully?"

"For one thing, she came here for Abigail and Sully's wedding. Abigail told me her and Sully were raised like brother and sister," Loren explained.

"Maybe they've had feelings for each other for quite a while."

"No. Why would she come here for his weddin' if she was in love with him?"

"To talk him out of it," Dorothy suggested.

"Nah, Dorothy, you're not makin' any sense. Sides," Loren paused and leaned in closer to her "I happen to know her and Sully had a big falling out."

"How do you know, Loren?"

"Cause I overheard it."

"That's impossible. Sully rarely comes into town. None of us have seen the two of them together besides Jake."

"I'm not talkin' about recently. I'm talkin' about when she was here before."

"You mean before.."

"Yeah," Loren looked down as the sad memories still haunted him.

"I still don't see how that proves anything. They certainly could have made up. After all that was a hard time for everyone."

"You didn't hear the fight."

"It couldn't have been that bad." Loren raised his eyebrows at Dorothy. "Could it?"

"I never heard two people go at it like they did. I heard her slap him across the face and I really thought he was going to hit her. The things he called her- the things she said to him. I tell you there weren't no love loss there. And she rode out of town that afternoon, didn't even wait for the stage, just up and left on a hired horse," Loren paused as he came to the end of his story.

"If all that's true, why did she come back?"

"I don't know, Dorothy but I'm telling ya even if they have made up – it isn't because they got romantic feelings for each other. Sully loved Abigail, he's never gotten over..." Loren drifted off as the wheels in his head began to turn. Things he had overhead during the fight suddenly made sense to him. Was it possible? Had he misread Sully all along? He turned back to Dorothy. "You better tell me again what Jake saw."

* * *

**Colorado Springs - June 25, 1865**

There were whispers behind her back, strangers staring a little too long but Michaela acted as if she didn't notice. It was her tactic for dealing with the rumors she was certain were circulating around town. She was glad that this Saturday night, Sully would be accompanying her to the town dance and hopeful that this official outing would put an end to people's talk. Perhaps once things appeared certain between the two of them, the talk would die down.

Of course Michaela had no way of knowing what they were saying. Those who trusted and even had befriended the lady doctor refused to believe Jake's tale. Yet these individuals were few and far between. More not only believed the tale but passed it to others and soon the story changed into something far worse than Jake had seen. Some even claimed that Sully stayed at the homestead with the lady doctor and Charlotte's children.

With a light heart she prepared for the dance on Saturday afternoon. Her mother had recently sent a package with some things for the children and a new dress for herself, along with some much needed money. The clothes for the children were finer than anything they'd ever owned in the past. They weren't new but that didn't matter. Colleen had inherited several of Emily's old dresses and picked out one of a deep pink hue to wear to the dance. All week she'd been imagining what it would be like to feel the silky material against her skin and finally she would have the opportunity to find out. The boys were nowhere near as excited about the suits they'd been given but once dressed Michaela was very pleased with the results even if they did pull at the collars awkwardly.

Michaela's dress on the other hand was brand new, a present from her mother and oldest sister. It was the latest fashion bought in one of the finest dress shops in Boston. The color was light blue, the material a delicate satin, which glowed in the lamplight. It was ostentatious, perhaps too ostentatious for Colorado Springs. Yet for tonight she didn't care. It was a new dress for a new start of their relationship. Tonight was a celebration and she was going to enjoy herself.

When Sully showed up at the door in one of his old suits, she was reminded of just how handsome he was. Not that she minded his regular clothes but she felt as if she was stepping backward in time seeing him like this. Feeling as giddy as a school girl, she climbed up on the buckboard beside him, moving to sit close to him as the children climbed into the rear. All eyes were on them from the moment they pulled up at the gathering. Most of the townspeople had never seen a dress quite like the one Michaela was wearing so that for a moment no one even thought to whisper rude comments to the other. Jake was the first to come to his senses, nudging Hank as he laughed. "I'd say that one's got the whole package – beautiful and loose."

Hank frowned. "Ya been drinkin' Jake?"

"What if I have?"

Looking down at the ground, Hank gave a small shake of his head. "I'd watch myself tonight," he said in a low voice.

"I'm just gonna have a little fun. That lady doctor parades all around town putting on airs. She ain't no better than you and me and it's high time someone brought her down a notch." He wasn't used to Hank fighting him when an opportunity like this presented itself and his tone reflected that. "Ya got a problem with that?"

Hank took a draw off his cigar and blew the smoke out into the night air slowly. "Maybe ya don't know the whole story. Maybe what ya saw…"

Jake cut him off before he had a chance to finish. "I know what I saw. She looked more like one of your girls then the town doctor."

Knowing there was no reasoning with him, Hank simply shrugged. "Just tryin' to save ya a black eye." He chuckled to himself taking another draw off his cigar. "Sully's got a mean right hook."

Walking away with a chip on his shoulder, Jake crossed the crowd looking for Loren. He knew that he would still be upset and would encourage him in the way Hank had not. The older man was carefully watching the couple and finding his disappointment and anger rising. Maybe it had always been there but never had his eyes been open like they were now.

Sully helped Michaela down, holding her about the waist as he smiled lovingly at her. "Ya look so beautiful." Michaela blushed at his words, her eyes only on him rather than the stares of those around. The children had already scattered as they each sought their friends so that Michaela and Sully were alone. Straightening his lapels, Sully offered her his arm and she took it quite contentedly. It was only now as they turned, that they both realized they were the center of attention.

"Good evening," Michaela said aloud with a little wave of her hand. Grace instantly rushed forward to gush about how wonderful she looked which managed to distract them from the stares. In the distance, the band began to play and some turned to dance leaving the threesome be for the moment.

"I ain't seen a dress this fine since I was in New Orleans." Michaela knew she was referring to her old life as a slave and it saddened her a little but Grace didn't seem bothered by it in the least. "You look so fancy Dr. Mike."

"Thanks Grace. You look beautiful too. I really like that necklace."

"I've been telling her that all night," Robert E said from the side as he approached. Michaela smiled at the approaching gentleman, seeing the glint in his eye. She exchanged a quick glance with Sully who confirmed just through facial expressions that these two were in fact a couple. "Grace, would you like to dance?" he asked with a wide sweep of his arm.

A demure Grace dropped her head and nodded as if she was suddenly shy. The new couple stepped away as Sully and Michaela both sighed in happiness. Sully was just about to ask her if she wanted to dance, when Jake approached from the side.

"Hey doc, wanna dance?"

Michaela looked torn for a moment, not wanting to appear rude but uncertain she wanted anything to do with Jake Slicker.

"Ya don't have to," Sully mumbled under his breath.

She turned towards the barber giving Sully a light squeeze on the arm. "Yes Jake, that would be lovely." Sully followed in their wake to the dance floor, afraid to take his eyes off the two of them as he still didn't trust Jake Slicker. Michaela was trying to believe the best - that Jake was showing he was a friend rather than an enemy. Yet she held her shoulders stiffly as he took her hand in his to begin the dance. As the dance continued, she relaxed somewhat. Jake was cordial and a fairly good dancer if the truth was known. At the end of the music she pulled away from him to clap as the other participants were but Jake had other things in mind.

"How about a little kiss, doc?" He pulled her roughly towards him ignoring the way Michaela pushed on his chest. Yet Sully had not lost sight of them for one moment. The crowd parted before him as he made his way over, grabbing the back of Jake's suit jacket.

"Take your hands off of her!"

Jake turned to face him with a smirk. "Keepin' her all to yourself Sully? I hear she's fairly free with her favors. Why don't we let the doc decide if she wants to kiss me?" As he spoke, he loosened his grip on Michaela so that she was able to wrench free of him. Instantly she turned, moving into Sully's embrace partially to feel the comfort of his arms and partially to stop him from doing something he would regret.

"Sully leave it be," she whispered through gritted teeth but she could feel his fist balling at his side. "He's trying to get a rise out of you."

"He's gonna get more than that out of me."

"Sully don't," Michaela begged. "You're only going to make it worse."

"Ya gonna listen to the lady doc Sully. She always tell ya what to do." Jake kept on goading him, the liquor talking now more than anything.

Michaela opened her mouth to speak again but Sully stopped her. "Michaela please, let me handle this." He felt her pull away, her cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment. He looked down into her eyes seeing the deep hurt reflected there and he swallowed hard. He had sworn to himself that he would never have to see that kind of pain reflected there again. She was already running away from the gathering, hitching up her long beautiful skirt so that she didn't trip on it.

Sully wasn't sure what to do. Part of him wanted to turn around and make Jake pay for starting this whole mess. Part of him wanted to go after her. Yet still another part wanted to run away. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong in this world anymore but with his Cheyenne family instead. He turned back towards the watching faces still unsure of what to do. Already Loren was moving towards him.

"I thought she was your sister," he exclaimed, the shock of the past few days coming out in these few simple sentences.

"I never said that," Sully corrected.

"Abigail did," Loren reminded him.

"I never told her that either. Y'all just assumed. She ain't my sister." His anger came boiling over now until he felt a tiny hand reach up and take his own. Sully looked down to see that the Cooper children now stood beside him, their faces turned up expectantly toward his.

"Now ain't the time," whispered Matthew. "Go to Dr. Mike. She needs ya."

Sully listened, stepping quickly away to follow the woman who held his heart. He never noticed the shadowy figure who made his way to the center of the crowd. The night seemed blacker as he left the dance and he felt as if he could barely see the road in front of him. "Michaela," he called into the darkness.

There was no reply at first but rather a muffled sound off to his right. He found her pressed against a tree, her head buried in her hands. Pulling her to him, he ignored her gentle pushes of protest as he moved her hands to gain sight of her face. "I'm sorry," he whispered over and over again, letting kisses rain down on her eyes and cheeks as he held her close. "I was so angry at him but I never meant… I'm so sorry."

It wasn't until she lay limply in his arms that Sully grew quiet finally able to wrap his arms around her. No more words were spoken for the moment. Michaela heard his heart in his words from before, felt the way his body trembled and she knew he was sincere. He'd acted in the heat of the moment but had quickly rectified the situation and for now all she wanted was to be held by him.

Back at the dance, the crowd was a buzz with murmurs. People were talking excitedly, some straining hard to catch sight of the fleeing couple in the night. Jake was looking rather smug as he stood in the middle of the commotion, while Loren looked angrier than ever. No one expected what happened next as Hank stepped to the middle of the dance floor.

"Jake you're a fool." The words rung through the night, stilling all other sounds as people turned to look at the barkeep. "All of ya are fools. No one notices anything, no one in this town really sees anybody." He threw his cigar to the ground and twisted his foot on top of it. "Don't go chasin' the one good thing we got goin' for us out of this town."

"We don't need a woman with loose morals parading around," Jake began.

"No what we don't need is a barber full of hot air who's always had a grudge against Sully for stealing his girl. Course she never really was your girl, was she? Ya got her in trouble and didn't even take care of it." Their eyes met as these last words came out and though most of the people in the crowd were clueless, Jake instantly knew what he was talking about. The baby… Abby's baby… was it possible… could it be his? Stumbling backwards, he retreated into the crowd, a horror growing inside of him.

"Ya don't know what you're talking about Hank," he called trying to save face but clearly Hank's words were a well aimed blow.

"I agree with Jake," Loren spoke up. "I don't think it looks right…"

"I'll tell ya what don't look right," interrupted Hank. "It don't look right that ya got the sister who jilted ya and the sister who said yes living with ya. Some might think there's some funny business there."

"Well…umm…" Loren stuttered than went completely red as he dropped his head.

Hank looked over now to see Michaela and Sully returning to the dance hand in hand. "Anyone got anything else to say 'bout the doc?"

"I have something to say," Michaela said stepping confidently onto the dance floor. "I know how this looks but there are so many things that you don't understand. Sully and I were raised together but we never felt like brother and sister. In fact we've been in love for a very long time but unable to make things work. I'm sorry if anyone here feels as if we misled them. That was never our intention." She looked right at Loren as she spoke but the older man never raised his head.

Sully nodded and then spoke up. "I'm gonna be courting Michaela…  
Dr. Mike and if anyone has a problem with it, I suggest ya keep it to yourself." There were more whispers at these words but none loud enough to make out. This was their new beginning and whatever came their way they were determined to make the best of it.


	138. Chapter 138

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-eight**

**Colorado Springs – September 20, 1865**

Sully looked at the terrain in front of him and smiled. He loved being out here in the midst of nature, enjoying the beauty of all that Colorado had to offer. Cloud Dancing was just ahead of him, leading his horse along the uneven path at the base of the mountain. Soon they wouldn't be able to ride anymore but Sully would enjoy the chance to stretch his legs. Thoughts turned to home and he smiled. Ever since the dance things were well between him and Michaela. That night was a beginning of sorts.

A beginning that neither had looked for but both were grateful to have received. True their relationship had been somewhat public in Boston for a short time, yet due to the disapproval they faced even then they kept things well hidden. Yet now there was no need. And what was more, some people were actually happy for them. Sully felt the temptation to rush things along, shortening the path to the moment they would once again pledge to love each other for eternity. Yet he knew Michaela wasn't ready and so he waited, trying to be patient.

The waiting was difficult and more than once Sully wondered what it would take for them to move to the next step. Not that he was even sure what the next step was but he was tired of the limbo they seemed to occupy. When Cloud Dancing suggested a trip up Pike's Peak, Sully thought of it as the perfect opportunity for a vision quest, a chance to commune with the spirits and nature. He was certain that his absence would actually push Michaela forward in her thinking, perhaps make her realize how much she missed him when he wasn't there. Sully didn't consider his move manipulative in any fashion. Truly he just thought they needed something to nudge them both forward out of the complacency that had overtaken them.

Cloud Dancing turned to look at his brother and could see his mind was a million miles away. He smiled to himself as he stopped on the path. "We'll leave the horses here."

Giving a shake of his head, Sully looked up at Cloud Dancing registering that he had spoken but not comprehending the actual words. "What?"

A smirk played around the medicine man's mouth. "We'll leave the horses here." Sully nodded and dismounted unaware that his friend's eyes still watched him carefully. "You are thinking of her."

It wasn't a question but Sully answered as if it was. "A little," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"She agreed that this trip was a good idea?"

Responding without a second's hesitation, Sully answered, "Yeah, she said she was fine with it."

"And her behavior said the same?"

Sully looked up, perplexed by this last question. "Yeah… I guess." He suddenly sounded less certain, his brow wrinkled as his mind drifted to the night he'd told her. Come to think of it, she had acted a little distant. "Guess she was a little cool toward me that night."

Cloud Dancing nodded as he secured his deerskin water pouch around his torso. "You will learn to read her soon."

Taking offense at his friend's words, he frowned. "We've been together for a long time. I know how to read her. She wasn't upset." Yet Sully didn't sound convincing, mostly because he was now doubting himself. Busying himself with preparations for the climb, he avoided the medicine man's gaze.

At first Cloud Dancing said nothing but simply continued preparations to begin their walk up the mountain. It was only when both men were ready and had started on their journey that he spoke again. "I have lived with Snowbird for many moons. I hope you will permit me to share my wisdom."

"Course," Sully said a little gruffly wondering what the medicine man was going to reveal.

"When I was much younger and only married to Snowbird for a short time, it came time for the men to go out hunting. Normally men newly married do not go but several of the men were away in the Northern Territory and I felt as if I should go." Sully nodded as they walked, taking in his friend's words. "I asked Snowbird what she thought and she told me to go. Yet when I came back, she was very angry with me."

"But ya asked her… she told ya to go."

"Exactly," Cloud Dancing said with a slight grin. "Words are sometimes what we think the person wants to hear not what we really mean to say."

A silence settled between them after that as Sully mulled over his friend's words. How could men expect to read words that were never said or understand how a woman really felt if they didn't come right out and tell them? If Michaela wanted him to stay, she should have said so. He shouldn't have to guess what she was thinking or feeling. With an impatient snort, he traveled on, fearing that he would be held liable for something that he felt was not his fault. "Does it ever get any easier?" he whispered to himself but the medicine man heard.

Cloud Dancing laughed. "When you think you have them figured out, they will change. It is our lot in life." With that he picked up the pace, the same secret smile on his lips.

* * *

**September 22, 1865**

Opening her eyes the moonlight hit her, shining brightly through the window and casting a dappled pattern on the bed covers. Michaela looked around unsure what had woken her so suddenly. Thought of Sully still ruminated in her mind and she half wondered if she'd been dreaming of him. He'd only been gone for two days but she missed him terribly. A noise coming from the other side of the room caught her attention and she realized that this was what had woken her. It was a low moan and she instantly recognized it as Brian. Without worrying about her robe, she crossed quickly and threw back the curtain to see Brian with the covers thrown off, his head soaked with sweat. Before she even laid a hand to his forehead, she knew he was running a fever. Yet only when she'd actually touched him did she realize just how hot his little body was. "Ma?" he called out into the darkness making Michaela freeze. The word chilled her strangely, knowing he was calling out for Charlotte and not for her. In his delirium though he must have mistaken the two for he didn't recoil when Michaela gathered him in her arms but rather held on tightly, whispering that name once again. "Ma, I don't feel so good."

"Shh, it's alright sweety. It's going to be alright. You have a fever."

Brian nodded feebly than laid his head against her. Michaela placed him in the middle of her bed where he immediately turned on his side and closed his eyes, falling back into a fitful sleep. Knowing she had to get his temperature down, Michaela went to fetch some water knowing the well water would be cooler than that in the pitcher by the basin.

The autumn night air was brisk and the thin material of her nightgown barely offered any protection against it. The light of the stars and moon instantly caught her attention and she thought of Sully in that moment. He was out there somewhere, under these stars enjoying the life he had come to love.

That was her fear if she was honest with herself. Perhaps he had been on his own for too long, perhaps he would never adjust to life with her and the children. She continued with her task, drawing water out of the well but for the moment her thoughts were far away. She hadn't wanted him to go on this trip but couldn't find it within her to tell him no. For a long time, he'd stayed close making sure trips were short, never staying away from more than a night. While she knew she couldn't always ask that of him, she had to wonder what would happen once they were married, assuming they made it that far.

Not only that but recently there had been trouble between the army and the Indians. Michaela had seen the reaction in Sully and knew that he wanted more than anything to protect those he had come to think of as family. Would she wake one morning to find him gone? What was he capable of doing in order to protect them? The weight of the bucket in her hands finally brought her back to reality and she hastily made her way back to the house. She would have to think about these things later – Brian needed her for now.

Setting the bucket on the floor near the bed, she didn't bother to transfer it to a basin but rather retrieved a towel and soaked it in the cool liquid. Brian stirred as she laid it against his back. "Shh," Michaela said softly. "Rest now Brian."

Yet the little boy did not turn back. Instead he stared at her, his eyes piercing hers. "Do ya think ma minds if I call ya ma too?"

Logically Michaela wasn't sure if the words were spoken out of the fever but emotionally she rejoiced. Things had not been easy since Charlotte died but it was moments like this that made her grateful to have the three of them in her life. "Brian I don't think she would mind at all."

The words made the little boy smile as he laid his head on her lap. "Night ma," he whispered in his little boy voice. Michaela smiled continuing to wipe his brow and then back with the cool liquid and savoring the sound of those two letters. "Ma."

* * *

**September 25, 1865**

Brian's illness wasn't serious; a minor quatarah that ran its course and then was over by the end of the week. It took its toll on Michaela though and the doubts that festered that first night only grew until she was angry at Sully for reasons that she knew weren't necessarily logical. They had planned to meet the day of Sully's return at the base of the peak. It was supposed to give them some time alone without the children. At first Michaela thought about not going, feeling still slighted at the events of the last few days. Yet she quickly recognized that this action wasn't mature. They needed to talk and time without the children would be the perfect moment to do it.

She left the clinic shortly after lunch, riding Flash towards the base. She slowed her pace knowing she was earlier than need be and didn't want to seem too anxious to see him. Inside a battle rage. She had missed him but she was angry at the same moment. They needed to talk about so many things and she only hoped she would be able to do so without falling all over herself. Yet as she approached the place where she'd left Sully only a week before, she could see his form outlined against the brown trees.

Kneeling perfectly still in the middle of a circle of stones, he chanted to himself praying for guidance. Michaela stopped feeling her heart beating wildly in her chest. Today could change everything. Today she would ask for promises – for commitments. What if he couldn't give them? She shook her head – that was a bridge she would cross when she came to it. Screwing up her courage, she stepped forward.

Feeling rather than hearing her approach, he straightened his back and smiled to himself. He knew she wouldn't disturb him as he looked to still be praying to the spirits but he wasn't. For the past few minutes, he'd only been thinking of her. It was hard to know how to proceed in their relationship. Now that it was public, he wanted to rush headlong into marriage – never wanting to be separated from her again. He knew she wasn't ready and that worried him but he tried hard to not let it show. For the first time since the spring he left her for more than a day and went up to the mountains on a vision quest of sorts. They'd agreed to meet here at this place where he had said he would return. Sully had needed time to think and meditate but he also hoped that a brief absence from each other would help Michaela to see what she truly wanted.

Turning slowly, he smiled up at her as a blush crept over her cheeks. "Good to see ya."

She nodded in response, her face remained unreadable. "Did you have a good time away?"

Sully quickly became aware of exactly what Cloud Dancing had warned him of but he found that standing here now with her in front of them, he was ready for any angry words she had for him. He would kiss them away, he told himself. As he stood, Michaela became acutely aware that he was shirtless. "I missed ya." The words reverberated through the air, electrifying both of them.

Michaela dropped her head and in a small voice replied, "I missed you too." She was melting, the anger dissolving and she didn't want it to. Berating herself she balled her hands into fists and breathed in deeply.

Her admission moved him. Quickly he crossed to where she stood and embraced her, pulling her frame against his bare chest. He wasn't aware of how uncomfortable Michaela was at first but he didn't particularly care. The truth was holding her now, he realized that he never wanted to be without her and even these few days away from her had seemed too much. How was it possible that he only realized how much he missed her now that she was back with him?

Trembling for some unknown reason, Michaela was unaware that they were moving now, that Sully was guiding her to the ground. It was only when she felt the earth firmly underneath her backside and felt Sully pressed tightly to her side that she calmed a little. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, anger still bubbling beneath the surface. It was only now that he noticed her tight face, the way her hands were clenched tightly at her side.

"What is it?" he asked lovingly stroking her hair.

Casting her head down, Michaela buried her face in her hands. "Brian's been sick Sully…"

She barely got the words out before Sully interrupted her, pulling one hand away from her cheek to take it in his. "Oh God and I wasn't here. Is he alright? Are ya alright?"

His words tumbled out so quickly that she could scarcely take them in. Her heart was pounding wildly within her and she wasn't ever sure why. "Will it always be like this?" she asked. "Will they always need you? I know you feel a loyalty to them but I'm not sure…" Words failed her for a moment because she knew what she was about to express to Sully was monumental.

"Ya have doubts?" he asked, his face contorting with the fact that he had yet to prove his love to her.

"Sully I love you but if your life is with the Cheyenne…" Again she grew quiet, her brow wrinkling with the pain of what she was expressing. "I know I said it was fine with me if you left but it wasn't." She looked up at him as she spoke wanting him to know her words were serious. "I'm sorry," she whispered as he released the grip on her fingers. Michaela's hand slid down his arm but she did not remove it but rather gripped his forearm tightly, unwilling to really let go of him.

"Don't apologize. Ya bein' honest and I can't blame ya for that. Wish ya'd been honest with me earlier."

"I wish I had too."

"There's something ya need to understand Michaela. The Cheyenne are my family, always will be. But so are you. You gotta understand my heart is yours now."

The words moved her as none had done in the whole time she'd been in Colorado. All the anger and pain was lost as soon as they were uttered, never to be found again. And then Sully was kissing her, deeply, passionately. She felt overcome by emotion, swept away in the tide of what was happening. The soft forest floor was at her back, leaves gathering in her hair but she couldn't break the moment. Sully's lips were warm against her own as her fingers ran over his bare back. Acutely away of her flushed cheeks, Sully pulled back only to have her lift her head and rejoin their mouths. The moment continued before Michaela finally laid her head back on the ground, her eyes opening to find his piercing blue ones only inches above hers. "If you want me."

Michaela knew that this was a continuation of his previous words as she stroked his side. "I want you," she whispered closing her eyes and feeling the heat pooling around her. She did want him at that moment in a primeval way that she couldn't have even put into words and though Sully felt the same longing he knew that her words held a much deeper meaning. Another threshold had been crossed and the only thing that remained was to officially ask her to marry him.

------------------------------

_This chapter is a little short but really with my missing muse finally working again… we are lucky to have a chapter at all. I hope to be back into the swing of things now…fingers crossed._


	139. Chapter 139

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-nine**

**Colorado Springs - November 16, 1865**

Sully swung the ax letting it come down heavily on the wood, splitting it in two. He left the ax stuck in the stump and turned to add the split pieces to the pile. Looking across at Michaela, he smiled while wiping at his brow. She stood with her sleeves rolled up, her hands vigorously rubbing one of Matthew's shirts over the laundry board. It always amazed him to see her doing these everyday mundane tasks – maybe because he simply wasn't used to it. Somehow it made his pulse quicken to watch her lay a fire or sweep the floor and though they had agreed to take things slowly, he found his mind brimming with thoughts of her taking care of their house.

Abandoning his work, he wandered over to where she stood smiling at the way her shirt clung to her form, damp from the laundry. Michaela looked up at him and realized he wasn't looking at her face. "Sully!" she scolded and he quickly looked up at her his cheeks reddening slightly at being caught looking.

"I uh… I wanted to ask ya to dinner tonight," he said quickly to cover his own behavior.

She smiled at him. "Dinner?"

"We could ride to Manitou and have dinner in the hotel restaurant," he offered the look in her eyes encouraging him to continue. "So would you like to go?"

Michaela nodded. "We never really went out to dinner when we were…" Her voice drifted off as she looked down sheepishly.

"I want to do things right this time," he whispered leaning in and placing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up but ll pick ya up 'bout five."

Michaela nodded in agreement unable to suppress a broad grin as she thought about what she might wear. Sully turned back to the wood stump and removed the ax, replacing it in the barn with the other tools. "See ya soon," he said with a smile as he emerged. Quickly he moved away from the house, knowing exactly where he was headed. With feet as light as air, he ran through the forest, zigzagging through the trees as carefree as a young boy. His lungs heaved for air but he ignored them, needing to be there more than anything at that moment. Coming to a halt in front of the homestead, he stopped taking deep gulps of air to relieve the burning in his chest. Reaching forward, he let his hands brush along the wooden steps, now in slight disrepair.

He hadn't been here in a long time. It was the memory keeper – the place where he stored all of his thoughts and feeling for her as well as the physical reminders of their past. Yet since he'd returned from winter camp last spring, he hadn't needed this place to remember. Taking the stairs two at a time, he ascended to the porch and quickly crossed to the front door. It wasn't long before the house was opened, the dust deep on everything. He crossed right to the boxes – the ones from Boston that stored that part of his life. There was no floundering around or searching, he knew exactly what he was here for and exactly where it was. Opening the second box in the stack, he found what he sought right on top.

The velvet box sat in the palm of his hand, his fingers wrapping around it, holding it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Inside was the ring, the one she'd worn so long ago. The one that she would hopefully wear again after tonight. Sully would put it right on her finger – there would be no necklace – no need to hide. Yet now being here at the house, something else occurred to him. It was time- time to complete this place. If she said yes he would come first thing in the morning and begin. He knew she would want a proper engagement but Sully could only think of marrying her as soon as possible and hoped she wouldn't want to wait too long.

Turning he took in the house and even in its slightly run down state, he couldn't help but smile. He could see her in the light of the afternoon sun, sitting on the porch. Closing his eyes, he imagined greeting her there with a warm hug, perhaps a deep kiss. When he opened his eyes, he was staring at the fireplace and again he could see her. Bathed in the flickering light of candles, seated in the middle of a rug. He would come to her, kiss every inch of her face before moving down lower. The thought went on, something he hadn't allowed himself to even fantasize about until now. There would be a wedding, a honeymoon – a life together. Tonight he would ask her and tonight she would say yes.

* * *

For Michaela, the afternoon was busy. She had to arrange for Grace to watch the children, and then get herself ready for the evening. Everything seemed to take longer than necessary, her clothes and hair not cooperating. She didn't understand the nervous excitement that settled in the pit of her stomach. Perhaps deep down she knew tonight was special, though she had no idea what Sully was planning. By the time, Grace arrive she still wasn't finished with her hair. She was grateful that Grace arrived with a picnic basket full of dinner for the children as she had no time to cook.

Colleen had greatly enjoyed the exciting rush of getting ready. She helped Michaela choose a dress to wear and now she sat on the bed, watching her every move. Every few minutes she came up with a new question about courting which made Grace and Michaela smile at each other. Brian, on the other hand, was not thrilled about the evening's arrangements. He kept asking why they couldn't come along, unable to understand their need for time alone.

When Sully finally arrived, Michaela felt as nervous as if she'd never been alone with him before. Sully too was all nerves, pulling anxiously at his suit sleeves as he waited for her at the front door. She bid the children good-bye, leaving a sulky Brian reluctantly. He was extremely quiet on the ride to Manitou, yet Michaela's nervousness came out in endless chatter so that neither particularly noticed. There was something that felt oddly familiar about being together in the formal setting of the hotel restaurant. They were reliving their past in a sense and Sully realized that he didn't feel out of place in the least.

Looking across at her, Sully's heart beat rapidly in his chest as he contemplated what he was about to do. His palms were sweating terribly and he worried he would drop the ring. He tried his hardest to remember if he'd felt this nervous the first time he had asked her but the whole experience seemed too far away suddenly. He caught her eye and Michaela smiled, a wide smile that helped him relax a little. Reaching across the table, he took her hand making Michaela look at him questioningly.

"Michaela, I…" A commotion off to the side interrupted him and he felt Michaela remove her hand from Sully's as she turned to see what was going on.

"A doctor… is there a doctor?"

By the time Sully looked back at her, she was already rising. "Sully, get my bag from the wagon."

He nodded, hurrying into the night to fetch the black bag that stood in the way of his proposal. With a sigh, he reentered the restaurant to find Michaela slouched over a young child who appeared to be unconscious.

"Sir, are you a doctor?" someone asked from the side

Sully shook his head. "No, I'm bringin' her medical bag." He pushed on until he was at Michaela's side where he crouched down. "Ya alright?"

"I'm going to need to do a tracheotomy. She can't breathe. I think it's an allergic reaction." As she spoke, she reached up and pulled one of the hawk feather's off Sully's necklace. He didn't question her but watched intently, wondering what she was about to do.

"Get away from my daughter," the father now yelled as he had been before but Sully hadn't been around to hear. "I want a real doctor."

"Sir I am a real doctor and if we don't act fast, your little girl is going to die."

That did not move the unreasonable man though, and he leaned over to physically push Michaela away. Sully was quicker though and blocked his attempt. "Don't touch her," he warned. The father looked ready to fight but his wife grabbed his arm.

"Lawrence please, let her work." For a moment the father did until he realized that Michaela was going to cut into his daughter's neck. Then a fury flew into him, blinding him completely. He lunged at the doctor knocking her flat on the floor, the scalpel flying out of her hand and under a table.

Sully was on him in a minute, pulling him off Michaela and throwing him to the side. Yet the fury was not spent and he came up swinging, unwilling to be subdued by words alone. Michaela looked up at the wife who wasn't sure who to watch at the moment. "She's going to die if I don't do this," Michaela whispered. The wife nodded her silent approval and another restaurant patron handed her the scalpel. Michaela wiped it clean, wishing she could do more but there was no time. Quickly she cut into the delicate flesh, a small dot of red appearing and then growing. Michaela cut the hollow tube of the feather and then pushed it into the incision she'd made in the girl's neck. Instantly a gurgling sound could be heard followed by the sounds of shallow breathing.

"Thank you," the mother whispered recognizing that the lady doctor had just saved her daughter's life.

Michaela looked up to see that other men had intervened in the situation behind her. The father was pinned to a wall, held by two large men as Sully nursed an injury from the fight. A light laugh escaped her mouth – not that she meant for it too but suddenly the whole situation seemed slightly funny. At that same moment, the door of the restaurant opened and the town doctor rushed in having finally been summoned by another patron. He dropped to his knees beside the small patient and quickly assessed the situation, ignoring Michaela. Eventually he looked up. "You did this miss?"

Michaela nodded already replacing the items into her medical bag. "I did," she replied in a matter of fact tone.

"How did you know…" He seemed astonished that she had knowledge of such a procedure.

"I'm a doctor. I learned how to perform the procedure at medical school as most doctors do."

"She saved your daughter's life," he whispered turning to face the mother. That made Michaela smile and though she had an idea that the doctor wasn't going to say more, she felt satisfied with that. Looking up, she found Sully standing not far away. He nodded to her and then took a step towards the porch. Michaela rose and silently followed him to the wagon where Sully waited for her.

"So much for dinner," he said sounding more disappointed than she expected.

"Let me see your lip." Michaela pulled his hand away to reveal a gash that was larger than she expected. "I'm going to have to stitch that."

"I'll be fine," Sully protested but Michaela wasn't listening. She was already walking to the back of the wagon and making preparations. Sully had no choice but to go along, wincing as she sewed the delicate area but swearing that he needed nothing for the pain. Soon, they were seated on the buckboard once more headed back to Colorado Springs. The night was dark and Michaela snuggled close to him, unsure why he seemed down and distant.

"I'm not upset Sully," she remarked at one point, thinking perhaps he was upset with himself for fighting.

"Upset?"

"That you fought that man."

"Oh… well… I wasn't about to let him touch you like that."

"I know," Michaela replied running a hand down his arm. "I appreciate that." Sully sucked in a sharp breath and nodded, still not cheering up in the way Michaela had expected. "Is something bothering you?"

"No, not really. Just upset that our evening was ruined."

"Oh don't worry Sully. Every day with you is an adventure." She laughed as she spoke and though Sully chuckled as well, she could tell it was forced. "Really, Sully, it's fine."

Michaela had no way of knowing that he'd intended to propose to her tonight and that now he felt as if the mood was all wrong. The disappointment he felt was deep, deeper than he'd expected. Remaining somber for the rest of the ride home, he worried Michaela who wasn't sure what to make of his behavior. When they pulled up at the homestead it was late and Michaela was anxious to check on the children. Still she didn't want to leave Sully brooding as he was. As he helped her down from the buckboard, it was Michaela whose hands lingered at his waist.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," he lied suddenly drawn by the sparkle in her eyes. His response garnered a smile from Michaela who stood on tiptoes to gently press her lips to his. The initiation of such an intimate gesture moved Sully deeply and he found himself clinging to her wondering if now wouldn't be the moment to ask. Michaela was caught up in the kiss though and held him fiercely pressing her lips to his as she forgot about his wound. It was only when he pulled back, a groan coming from inside that she remembered.

"Oh Sully, I'm so sorry."

For the first time since the incident at the restaurant, Sully laughed. "Don't apologize. I enjoyed that."

Michaela was still looking up at him sympathetically, finding herself lost once again in his eyes. "Will you see Grace home?" she whispered as if convincing herself to leave the moment.

"Of course." Sully continued to hold fast to her though, reluctant to let her go just yet. Eventually he loosened his grip a little and she moved backwards out of his arms. "Good night, Michaela," he whispered raising her hand to his lips for one last kiss.

"Night Sully," came her reply sounding a little like an imitation of his dialect. Sully stood still simply watching until she had closed the door of the house, lost in all thought of her.

* * *

**Boston – Thanksgiving Day 1865**

Marjorie stopped on the top step of her parent's house, one gloved hand resting on her extended abdomen as she held the door for the children to run into the house. William approached from behind, resting a hand in the small of her back. "You feel alright?"

"My back hurts – that is all," she said smiling through the pain. "Could use one of your backrubs right now."

William smiled at her with the same look that always sent her heart racing. She had never known or at least never realized what it felt like to be adored in such a way. It was the thing she had always noticed about Michaela and Sully – the way he looked at her and now she knew that feeling for herself. Demurely lowering her eyes, she stepped into the foyer of her childhood home and shed her wrap, placing it in Harrison's outstretched hands.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she bid him before moving to the drawing room where Elizabeth was holding court. All of her other sisters were already seated, children scattered here and there throughout the corners. Hesitating on the threshold, she felt William's hand on the small of her back once again.

"Promise me you'll come get me if you start feeling poorly. This could be back labor."

"Will, I'm fine," she protested adamantly, though she secretly relished the attention. "It's not labor – I would know."

"Just promise me."

"I promise," she conceded with a smile. William gave a nod of his head and then kissed her lightly on her temple before moving towards the library where the men were congregated.

"There she is," Elizabeth said crossing the room to hug her daughter. "We were starting to think that this little one was about to be born." Marjorie smiled, marveling at how Elizabeth had forgotten all her supposed transgressions once she announced this pregnancy. The divorce and the rushed marriage to William were water under the bridge. Taking her daughter's hand, she led her across the room and helped her to get settled on the sofa with several pillows to support her back.

"No," Marjorie began, "I seem to be so tired with this pregnancy. I'm afraid William didn't wake me."

"As he shouldn't. You are carrying his child." Marjorie's eyes widened at her mother's words wondering if it was in fact her mother before her. Ever since Michaela had left for Colorado, Elizabeth was different – her views more forward thinking.

"You aren't as young as you once were," Rebecca pointed out. "My last pregnancy was very draining."

"It's true," Elizabeth confirmed. "I thought carrying Michaela was going to be the end of me."

Maureen looked over at her niece and cleared her throat. "Is all of this conversation really appropriate in front of Emily?"

With a quick wave of her hand, Elizabeth swept the comment away. "She'll experience it herself one day. Besides," Elizabeth continued, "she's going to be a doctor. She'll be dealing with women going through this sort of thing all the time." Emily cast her grandmother a grateful look.

"I do wish Michaela could have joined us," Marjorie chimed in. "It's been so long since we've seen her. But it sounds as if she's doing well."

"I thought so too." Rebecca was smiling and nodding. She cleared her throat, deciding now was the best time to make her plans known. "We've decided to visit her for Christmas." Emily smiled at her mother, glad that the news was out now and for the fact that she would get to see her aunt and Sully soon.

Claudette and Maureen exchanged a sour look but no one noticed. "Oh I wish I could go too." Marjorie frowned a little stroking her burgeoning belly.

"You won't be going anywhere," Elizabeth laughed. "I have a feeling that little one will make an appearance sooner than you think. But I agree it would be nice to see Michaela and these children she's taken in." She looked at the far side of the room wistfully for a moment, wishing that things were different - that Josef wasn't so hostile towards their youngest daughter. He refused to read her letters home and forbid Elizabeth from updating him either.

"I suppose father hasn't changed his mind about Michaela?"

"Why should he?" Maureen asked. "He gave Michaela everything she could possibly want and she runs off to Colorado for that boy."

Emily, who aspired to be all that Michaela was, spoke up quickly. "Parents are supposed to help their children – not run their lives."

"And you are going to turn out just like her if your mother doesn't take you in hand," Maureen said not caring who she upset.

"I hope I do," Emily spat back. Rebecca laid her hand on top of her daughter's not to stop her from speaking but to remind her that she needed to remain calm. Biting her tongue, the young woman drew in a sharp breath, her eyes boring into her aunt from across the room. "I would be proud to be like Aunt Michaela," she said in a much calmer voice, hiding her anger well.

"She's been there over a year – is she going to marry Sully?" Claudette was looking at her mother as she spoke, her face betraying the mocking tone of her words. "Or has our sister also prescribed to free love to go along with that woman's rights nonsense."

The words echoed across the room, shocking even Claudette who had deigned to speak them aloud. "Claudette!" Elizabeth exclaimed her hand going to cover her mouth in shock.

Knowing that she couldn't take back what she'd already spoke, Claudette continued on. "Mother, she's run around with him her entire life. Who knows what they were up to in Maryland or even here when they lived under the same roof. Who knows what happened under your own nose."

"Nothing happened," Rebecca interjected. All attention turned to her now, each wondering how their sister was so certain. Her cheeks grew red as she realized she would have to point out the logical conclusion. "There would have been results…consequences of such actions."

"Well I've heard that those women's right people know ways..."

"I will not listen to any more of this talk," Elizabeth quickly interjected stopping her daughters with one of her steely expressions. Yet as she looked up she caught sight of her husband perched on the threshold obviously having heard what they were discussing.

Clearing his throat, he smiled slightly. "I wanted to see Emily for a moment."

Quickly the young girl stood, avoiding her grandfather's eyes. She held a deep seated anger for him, knowing what he'd done to Michaela first hand from her aunt's letters to her mother. Rebecca would never have let her read them, thinking it better if she was left out of the family drama. Yet Emily was too much like her aunt – curious about everything and she snuck the letters out of her mother's desk to read them on her own.

Josef moved across the foyer entering the dining room while Emily followed obediently in his wake. Even when they stopped she barely looked at him, choosing a point just over his left shoulder to focus her eyes on. Josef wasn't cognizant of the disdain she held for him but he was aware of her interests. The truth was that though his heart had hardened towards Michaela, he was also depressed – wanting desperately someone, anyone to take over his legacy. In one sense, he looked towards William as his son-in-law, yet he was already an established doctor with his own patients and practice who was hardly interested in leaving that. Emily was in Josef's eyes a young Michaela without the distraction of Sully. Someone he could mold and shape- groom to take over his practice.

"Emily I hear you are doing wonderfully at the Women's Medical College."

"My marks are high," she whispered in her sweet voice, unsure what her grandfather was driving at.

Josef nodded, only now picking up on the fact that Emily was avoiding his gaze. "I have connections, people who can help you out on your journey to become a doctor. And of course I would offer you a place in my practice."

"Thank you," she said knowing that soon she would be unable to hold her tongue. "I don't plan to return to Boston to practice."

"Oh, you don't? I thought you would want to stay close to your mother."

Taking a deep breath, Emily screwed up her courage. "Mother already knows I plan to travel to China with the Missionary Society. I've already committed myself to going." She closed her eyes as she spoke, trying to decide how much information to give him. Yet she decided on as little as possible. The news that she was practically engaged to a doctor who left for China a little over a month ago would only cause more problems.

"Emily I don't think you understand what you are undertaking. Don't be foolish. Don't be like…"

He barely got the last word out before Emily turned on him, eyes ablaze. "Don't be like who Granda? Don't be like Michaela?" Josef narrowed his eyes, shocked at the insolence he saw in his generally sweet natured granddaughter. "I love my Aunt Michaela. I want to be just like her." She shook her head as she spoke, reveling in finding her voice. "And you know what you've done to her is wrong."

"What I've done to her? Obviously you don't know the whole story."

Emily laughed. "I know more than you think, Granda. I know that you've taken everything Anna left her – everything Anna wanted her to have. She didn't leave it to you Granda."

In a moment of pure rage, Josef raised his hand and struck her across the cheek. It did not deter Emily at all in her defiance. She simply covered the reddened cheek with one hand continuing her fiery gaze. Josef's eyes grew wide in the realization of what he had just done. "Emily, I'm… I didn't mean…"

Raising her head proudly, she looked him right in the eye. "I'm just as stubborn as she was. You can't stop us."


	140. Chapter 140

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Forty**

**Colorado Springs – December 21, 1865**

Straightening the desk for the tenth time that morning, Michaela again touched each item so that everything lined up at perfect angles. Though she knew there was no reason to be nervous, she couldn't seem to stop the tension she felt. It wasn't helping that the stagecoach was late. She'd already sent the kids over to the mercantile to simply get them out of her hair. Sully was outside on the porch, choosing to banish himself after she jumped at him for the third time. She didn't even hear him open the door and steal quietly inside.

"Michaela, it's just Rebecca," he reminded her taking a step forward so that he stood at the corner of her desk.

"I know," she whispered turning her eyes up towards him.

Sully was instantly moved, seeing the tears there and quickly stepped around the desk to pull her into his embrace. "Hey, hey, what's a matter?"

"I know it's only Rebecca and that I don't have to feel nervous but I do. I just want them to see that I'm doing well here. That I've made this my home."

"They are going to see all that and more," Sully assured her. "They are going to see how much the townspeople adore you, how much they need you. They'll finally be able to meet the children." Michaela gave him a weak smile as she pulled back to see him better. Sully raised a hand to wipe a stray tear. "You'll see – everything will be fine." Michaela nodded and sniffled, now smiling wider than before.

"I'm sorry I jumped at you earlier."

"You did?" he teased. "I didn't even notice."

Michaela laughed and shook her head, the tension from earlier suddenly much less. Sully's eyes grew wide as something out the window caught his attention. "Looks like the stage is here."

Clapping her hands together with excitement, Michaela stepped away toward the door. In another moment she was anxiously awaiting the debarking passengers looking left and right until she spotted her niece's face. "Emily," she said warmly as the young woman flung herself into her aunt's arms.

"Aunt Michaela – this place is wonderful!" She was completely serious, beaming as she took in the sights around her. "We even saw Indians on the way here." At that same moment, she caught sight of the man behind her, a face from the distant past that she would have known anywhere. Launching herself forward once more, she wrapped her arms around Sully's neck. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I know," Sully whispered suddenly feeling overcome by emotion himself. The little girl he remembered was gone, replaced by a grown women yet she still had the same exuberance and fire in her eyes.

Another reunion was taking place just in front of them, Rebecca holding Michaela tightly against her as she savored the chance to see her sister again. "I've missed you so," she whispered over and over and Michaela nodded to each statement, tears falling freely from her eyes now.

"I'm so glad you came… I'm so glad…" She squeezed her sister tightly once more before they broke apart.

Jacob stood pensively off to the side, looking on at his mother with hands stuck in his pockets. He too was excited like Emily at the prospect of being out west but he felt unsure what to do or how to show his excitement when these people felt like strangers to him. Michaela ignored the stern look on his face though and pulled him tightly to her chest as soon as she let go of Rebecca. "I'm so glad you all could come," she reiterated once more.

At that same moment, the Cooper children arrived back from the mercantile, pockets bulging with candy to share. They stood off to the side shyly at first until Michaela beckoned them forward introducing them all to each other. Brian instantly took to Rebecca holding her hand and calling her aunt. Colleen was looking longingly at Emily, admiring the dress she was wearing. Emily though was still talking with unashamed excitement to Sully and she did not notice the little girl at first. Yet as Sully broke away to take care of the luggage, Colleen sidled up next to her. Jacob and Matthew sized each other up as Sully called them to help with the luggage and before long they were talking as well.

The boys made short work of the luggage and soon it was in the rooms over the clinic. The family was seated in the wagon, headed out to the homestead as the children chattered on endlessly. They squeezed in tightly on the front buckboard, with Michaela sitting in the middle of Rebecca and Sully. Emily had no objection to riding in the back and instantly settled down between Colleen and Brian. Jacob sat in the back near Matthew who wowed him with tales of the Cheyenne.

Michaela had relaxed considerably by now, holding Rebecca's hand in hers as the reality of her sister's presence slowly sunk in. "It's so good to have you here."

"I'm glad we came… so glad. I think the change of location will be good for all of us. Holidays are hard…" Her voice trailed off, not finishing the thought but Michaela knew she was thinking of Robert. "Emily and Jacob wanted to come from the moment I mentioned it."

"What did mother say?"

"Very little." Rebecca laughed. "She's mellowed quite considerably."

"Strange, isn't it?"

Rebecca nodded then dropped her voice so that only Michaela could hear. "Emily had words with father."

"Words?"

Casting a backward glance, she decided not to chance rehashing the story right now. "I'll tell you more later."

They turned the last bend in the road so that now the homestead was in sight. As soon as they pulled up in front, the children scattered pulling Emily and Jacob in three different directions all at once. Rebecca and Michaela went inside to start dinner preparations while Sully remained outside, joining in with a game of tag that had picked up in the yard.

As Michaela and Rebecca worked, they talked and soon Michaela was filled in on the incident at Thanksgiving. Michaela looked a little downcast as she peeled potatoes, imagining her father now inflicting his ways on Emily. "Why is he like this?" she whispered, trying to make sense of them man who had once been the center of her world.

"I don't know," Rebecca admitted. "But I think with Emily, he's simply trying to replace you. She says that herself."

"I just don't understand how he could turn on Sully like he did… how he could hate so intensely the person he once thought of as his son."

"He threatened to pull you away. I think he's only ever been afraid of losing you. I mean he saw it all along – how close the two of you were, your propensity for always being together no matter what either of you were doing. When he realized that something more had developed…" Rebecca looked up at her as it occurred to her that she didn't know where Sully and Michaela currently stood. "Things are still developing?"

A light blush sufficed her cheeks as she turned her eyes downward. "I love him," she said softly her voice filled with an excitement that Rebecca had missed. "Of course I want things to go further but I could be content like this forever, simply having him in my life again." Rebecca was watching her sister closely and when Michaela looked up she felt a little unnerved. "Why are you staring?"

"Because you're happy. I haven't seen you happy in a long time."

"I am happy… terribly happy."

"Well don't you think things will progress? I mean surely there will be an engagement… a wedding." Michaela who still had yet to let herself dream about such things simply smiled. "You wouldn't be content forever to stay here in this one place. Marriage binds you heart, soul and body. You'll crave that eventually."

Michaela nodded eagerly but didn't admit how much she wanted it even now. The women continued to work on the food, talk turning to other matters now as Rebecca filled her in on all the latest happenings in Boston. Michaela was eager to hear about William and Marjorie as well and Rebecca was only too eager to tell her. The children didn't disturb them once, obviously busy with their newfound cousins and Sully.

When Michaela stepped outside of the door to call them for dinner, she first saw Sully and Emily on the porch steps, talking animatedly. "If you two can tear yourself away, dinner is ready," she joked.

"Oh Aunt Michaela, I'm sorry – I've conscripted Sully for this whole time."

"Should I be jealous?" Michaela asked with a twinkle in her eye. Emily blushed and then quickly proffered her left hand.

"I'm engaged."

"Engaged?" Michaela asked, pretending as if Rebecca had not already filled her in.

"Oh I'm sure mother has already told you," she said playfully nudging her aunt. Michaela laughed and then turned to look at Sully, noticing the way that he was staring at her. It was as if he held a secret close to his chest and Michaela found she could not look away for a moment, moved by the intensity of his gaze. It was Sully who eventually turned away, standing and calling the other children for dinner.

After dinner, Sully volunteered to return their guests to the clinic where they would be sleeping. Michaela took her time, tidying the kitchen and preparing for the next day. She had just changed into her night gown, when she heard Sully in the yard unhitching the horses. Grabbing her shawl off the hook by the door, she stepped into the chilly night air, wanting to wish him good night.

Sully spotted her before her eyes adjusted to the dark and he smiled to himself. "Gonna catch a cold," he teased her.

"Sully?"

He emerged from near the barn meeting her at the bottom of the stairs. There was a look in her eye that made Sully's heart race and he felt as if he couldn't even wait until Christmas Day to ask her to marry him. "You alright?"

"I just wanted to say good night and thank you," she added quickly. Sully pulled her into his embrace and Michaela instantly wrapped her arms around his neck. She breathed out clouding the air between them as her warm breath hit the cold night air.

"You're cold," he whispered feeling her shiver but it was said more in a factual way rather than wanting her to go back into the house. Slowly he closed the distance between them, their lips meeting briefly before both pressed hard against the other. Sully picked her up and spun her around continuing the kiss. Michaela squealed as he twirled her around a second time before placing her back on the step.

"What was that for?" she giggled.

"I'm happy… .very happy."

"Why?" she asked coyly. "Because Emily is here?"

"Well of course I'm happy 'cause they're here," he said playing along. "And it's nice to see Emily after so long."

"She's grown into quite a pretty young woman."

"She has," he said barely concealing a smile.

"She might even turn a man's head if she isn't careful."

"Ain't gonna be me," he said now laughing openly.

Michaela chuckled too. "Oh it isn't?"

"I only like older women," he whispered alluringly leaning in to kiss her again. The kiss was deep and long, leaving both of them breathless when they finally broke apart. "You better go in," he said reluctantly.

Michaela stepped back and nodded but didn't move from the spot until Sully had disappeared into the woods.

* * *

When Michaela awoke that morning, she felt invincible. Things were right in her world and she was more certain than ever that a proposal from Sully would happen any day now. She bustled around the homestead unaware of the events that were transpiring in town of what would greet her when she arrived at the clinic. The children were coming in with her today, wanting the chance to enjoy Emily and Jacob's presence. They too dressed and ate breakfast quickly, excited by the day's prospects. The weather was bitterly cold but neither minded as they drove along, laughing and talking about what they wanted to show their cousins.

Michaela squinted as they rounded the bend of the road into town, noticing that the door of the clinic appeared opened. Her first thought was of her sister and as soon as she pulled the wagon to a stop, she handed the reins to Matthew so that she could assess the situation.

Rebecca appeared at the door before she even entered, a look of relief on her face. "Thank goodness you're here. Emily is already looking after two of the ranch hands."

With a perplexed look, Michaela stepped into the clinic. "What ranch hands?"

"Olive brought them this morning. They only got in yesterday apparently and they are very ill." Leaning in close, she whispered to Michaela. "Emily is nervous about treating them on her own if you don't mind.."

"Oh, of course," Michaela quickly said moving forward to step behind the examining screen that Emily must have set up. Emily looked up with the same relief on her face, glad to see her aunt.

"It's influenza, I believe," she whispered stepping closer. "Do you have quinine? We have to bring their fevers down."

"I do," Michaela said stepping to the back medicine cabinet and pulling out a brown bottle. She handed it to Emily and then turned back around to check her supplies. There was one more bottle wedged in the back but it was only half full like the one she'd handed her niece. That worried her because she knew how easily something like influenza could become an epidemic. It was imperative that they quarantine these men immediately and carefully watch others who had been in contact with them. Swallowing hard, Michaela turned to find her niece watching her. "We don't have much quinine, do we?"

Michaela shook her head. "We'll quarantine them and pray that it doesn't spread."

"The other cowboys… they've been here since yesterday…"

"I know."

"Perhaps we could get more quinine. Is there a doctor nearby?"

"Denver," Michaela whispered. "But if this is an epidemic, they may not run the stage through here. Hopefully, there won't be further cases."

As if they were aware of the words Michaela had just uttered, the bell in front of the clinic rung. Michaela stepped around the screen and went to open the door, only to find Horace pale and drenched in sweat.

"Dr. Mike… do ya think you could take a look at me? I been feeling poorly this morning." Michaela nodded and ushered him inside as it became clear that her worst fear was about to come true. They in fact had an epidemic on their hands.

* * *

On the second night, they had cleared out the examining room and filled it with cots to hold more patients. The second floors were filled in much the same way, making use of any available space. The patients had been slow to trickle in on the first two days, many not realizing how sick they indeed were. The third morning was when the most came, bearing children burning up with fever while they themselves could barely stand. Michaela had sent the children home that first day only to have them return the third morning with an ill Brian and feverish Matthew. Michaela found it hard to leave their bedsides to care for the others, scared by the dangerous heat she felt as she laid her hand against Brian's tiny forehead.

Yet that was not the only thing that scared Michaela. She and Emily both knew the quinine was running dangerously low. Without the much needed drug, Michaela did not know how they would treat the fevers that went along with the illness. A very sick Horace wired Denver for her but as she suspected the stage coach was not going to come as long as the epidemic continued. Close to midnight she stepped out onto the porch of the clinic, taking deep breaths of the cold night air which felt strangely refreshing. It was Christmas Eve, yet it didn't feel like it in the least. She never noticed that Sully sat on the clinic bench half hidden in shadows. Leaning against the outside post, she swallowed hard unsure what they would do soon without medicine.

Sully surprised her by moving behind her and pulling her back against him. "You alright?"

Michaela swallowed hard, tears close to the surface. Sully was the one person she could let down her defenses with. "Brian is so sick," she said forlornly. "We're almost out of quinine. I fear for Rebecca and Jacob – Emily's been exposed before but…" Her voice trailed off as she thought about how happy she was just a few days before knowing her family would be here for Christmas, yet now all she could imagine was each of them deathly ill.

Sully turned her slowly in his arms. "Don't think about what might happen. That's just gonna drive ya crazy. We'll get through this one day at a time. Sides it's gonna be Christmas day soon. Bad things don't happen on Christmas Day."

Michaela gave a little chuckle at this naïve statement. "I wish that was true," she said.

"It is true. You'll see." Michaela closed her eyes for a moment as she laid her head against his cheek. The thought of waking Christmas morning to find everyone well would be the best present she could get. Suddenly she felt tired and though she knew sleep wasn't an option, she couldn't seem to make herself open her eyes or move away from Sully. The coolness of the night air made Michaela's skin feel extremely warm. Sully thought nothing of it at first, continuing to hold her and softly stroke her hair. It only occurred to him after a few moments that she too had a fever.

"Michaela," he said softly. "How are ya feelin'?"

Michaela's eyes were closed as she lay against him. "Tired. I feel like I could sleep forever." She hugged Sully tightly as she spoke.

"You ever been exposed before?"

She nodded against him, feeling as if reality was slipping away. "I've never had it though."

"Could you get it?"

This final question succeeded in gaining her attention. Opening her eyes she pulled back a little. "I suppose… why…"

"You've got a fever." He said the news forlornly, holding onto her that much more tightly as he feared the worst.

"I can't be sick." Her voice was shocked. "I just feel warm because it's so cold out here." Sully raised his eyebrows at her, looking unconvinced and then felt her knees give way as she swayed to the side. He held her fast, scooping her up and heading back inside the clinic with the newest patient.


	141. Chapter 141

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Forty-one**

Sully looked up at Emily who was shaking her head. "There's no change," she whispered. "Quinine ran out hours ago. I don't know what we're going to do."

The words were unnecessary – he knew it already. He had watched her carefully through the night, known that the dangerous temperature had done nothing but climb. Brian, whose fever broke around midnight, sat on his lap stroking Michaela's hand with his own. "Ma's gonna be alright, ain't she?" The little eyes looked so lost and Sully pulled him tight against his chest.

"I ain't gonna let anything happen to her," Sully replied, knowing he was going to have to do something if this was to be a true statement. He'd been considering a course of action for hours but he knew carrying it out would require him to leave Michaela alone and that was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Emily met his eyes and motioned with her head towards the door. Sliding Brian out of his lap, he rose to talk to her there.

"Sully if we can't bring her fever down…" Her words trailed off as Sully read the seriousness of her expression. "I'm doing everything I know how to do but without the quinine, there isn't much else."

"I could ride to the winter camp of the Cheyenne."

"They have quinine?" Emily looked surprised.

"No, but they have a tea that reduces fevers. They make it from willow bark. Michaela has seen Cloud Dancing use it before." Emily looked doubtful. "I could ride to Devner but that would take me a little longer."

"Yes, but I know the quinine will work Sully. I'll have Horace wire Denver for you so that they have it waiting." Sully looked over at Michaela and Emily could see that he didn't want to leave her. Yet she had no idea of what Sully was really thinking. He respected Emily's opinion but he needed reassurance right now, something that Emily couldn't provide. There was someone though that he trusted and that someone wasn't in Denver. "I could ask someone else to go," Emily offered assuming Sully would rather stay by her side.

"Give me a minute with her." Emily nodded though it wasn't a question. She went to Brian and spoke to him gently, taking his hand to lead him out of the room.

"Sully don't let anything happen to her," he said again as he passed the doorway.

Tousling his hair, Sully swallowed hard. "I won't… I promise, I won't."

When they had left, he pushed the door to and walked back towards the bed. He sat down on the edge of it, a sense of foreboding overtaking him though he tried not to let it. These could be her last days, her lost moments of life and he knew what he had to do. "Michaela," he whispered laying his tan hand on the ivory flesh of her shoulder. The heat amazed him and he found tears forming in his eyes. Stretching himself along her form, he pulled her into his arms believing that she was in some unconscious state. Softly he stroked the bare skin of her arm, letting the tears fall freely now. "Ya can't leave me," he whispered the desperation in his throat like bile. "There's so many things I need to tell ya… so many things I never told ya."

"Sully?"

The voice was weak and at first he believed he'd imagined it but when he felt her fingers stroking his shirt clad chest he knew otherwise. "Michaela?" The voice was full of an optimistic hope.

She coughed, a body shaking cough and Sully pulled her into a sitting position thinking that would help. "You need to rest," he whispered.

"I'm cold… so cold. I think I have a fever."

"I know… there's no quinine. Emily thinks I should go to Denver."

Michaela blinked her eyes rapidly fighting the desire to close them once more. "No… no… Cloud Dancing."

The words were weak and Sully had to strain to hear them but the minute she uttered the name it was for him a confirmation. "I'm gonna take you to him but I got to do something first."

She closed her eyes and laid her aching head against his chest. "What?" The words rolled off her lips and Sully wasn't sure whether she slept or not but he continued on.

"This ain't the way I planned it." He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to," she whispered hastily still fighting to hold onto consciousness.

"Michaela, I will love you all of my days." With one hand around her shoulder, holding her tightly to him, he pulled back using the other hand to cradle her cheek so that he could see her eyes; those beautiful eyes that mesmerized him a lifetime ago. "Will you marry me?" There was no answer; her eyes closing suddenly but a wide smile spreading over her lips gave him hope. Her hand tightened its hold on his shirt.

"Yes." There would be moments, later on when he would doubt hearing that word but at this moment it sounded so sweet. Peppering the top of her head with kisses, he felt her go limp and he knew that now was the time. With a struggle he managed to dress her fully, including the long leather coat. He had no idea how he would ride and carry her, but somehow he would manage. He had to manage if he was going to save her life. First, though, he had to take her out of the clinic which he knew Emily would not agree with. Picking her up and holding her against him he went to the door and slowly opened it peering out into the hall. It was empty though he knew the downstairs would not be. Still, perhaps luck would be on his side. Expertly he maneuvered the steps, his burden barely weighing on him. The door was only feet in front of him when he heard her voice.

"Sully! What are you doing?"

He turned slightly to see her and instantly recognized the eyes glaring at him as Michaela's. Seeing his love's fire in someone else's eyes made him smile. "Emily, please – let me take her. I know what I'm doing… I know what she would want."

"You don't understand Sully. This isn't a time to try some strange medicine- I can't risk that. She's desperately ill. You could kill her taking her out there."

Sully swallowed hard. "We do nothing and she's gonna die here. I'll take my chances." Emily lunged forward but at that moment Rebecca stepped into the hall having heard it all.

"Mother tell him…" Emily barely got the words out before Rebecca interrupted her.

"Sweetie, let Sully do what he thinks is best." Emily turned and clung to her mother realizing how hard it was to be a doctor and unable to help a patient. Yet this was even harder because it was her aunt.

"Hurry," Rebecca said making eye contact with Sully one last time. "Take care of her."

"I will," he promised and with that he stepped through the door into the cool Christmas day air.

* * *

Sully would not recall how he managed to get her on the horse in front of him and years later he would swear that some heavenly intervention must have been present. Yet soon Sully rode out of town, Michaela lying limp against him. Fate was cruel – they found each other and now once again they were on the brink of losing one another. Still in the midst of his despair, he clung to hope and hope did not disappoint. On a road not far outside of town, he had pulled the horse to a stop scarcely able to believe what he was seeing. A horse approached quickly, the rider's long black hair flying out behind him. He pulled his pony to a halt, he too surprised to see his friend.

"You are not ill?" the Cheyenne asked not bothering to dismount.

"No." Sully's face was confused, pain evident in his eyes. "It's Michaela. Cloud Dancing…"

He did not get the words out before the medicine man turned his horse. "Follow me," he said and then clicked to his mount moving slower than before but still deliberately.

It wasn't long before Cloud Dancing turned off the path, picking his way carefully between trees as they were still on horseback. Sully felt frustrated that they were moving so slowly, seemingly doing nothing when Michaela was hovering so close to death. Taking a deep breath, he calmed his nerves and put his trust in his friend. A clearing came into view and Cloud Dancing pulled back on the pony's reins, quickly dismounting as he did so.

"The spirits sent me a vision. You were on a mountaintop calling for me. I believed you were ill – needed my help."

"I did," Sully replied in a sense of wonder. "I needed your help for Michaela. I've thought of ya over and over since she first fainted. I don't know who else to turn to."

Cloud Dancing nodded briefly, hearing the desperation in his words. He walked over to help him with Michaela, allowing Sully to dismount before he took her back into his arms. Cloud Dancing moved back to his pony and untied the pack on the back. Sully watched as he laid out a thick buffalo hide in the middle of the clearing. "We will make a circle of rocks – a healing circle. And we will need wood for a fire." Sully did not ask a question or wait to be instructed further, he placed Michaela on the covering and went right to work, trusting that Cloud Dancing would look after her now.

It wasn't long before a fire roared bright and warm, close to the still body of his love. She lay inside the circle as the medicine man performed rituals, old as memory in which he chased the bad spirits away from the sick person. Sully prayed, listening fervently to the chants and words of petition that his friend offered. To these, he added his own, praying to whoever might be listening.

Soon the cries became quiet and the medicine man had Sully hold her head up so that he could pour some of the fever tea down her parched lips. She sputtered a little, her eyes flickering open briefly. Instinctively she swallowed and then as if she sensed his presence turned naturally towards Sully. When she lay still again, Sully spoke. "Will she live?"

"She fights." The medicine man looked him in the eye as he spoke these words and then grew strangely quiet. Sully was used to this but it didn't comfort him in the least.

Again he spoke, "She'l be alright?"

"That is up to you." Closing his eyes, Sully nodded. She was his responsibility – his lifeline. Without her, he would be lost- floundering in an alien world. She was his home – his safe harbor….. these things he had known, felt for the longest of time. Yet it was only with the medicine man's words that he realized it was time for him to be all that and more for her. Willing his spirit to speak to hers, he hovered overtop of her – his face only inches from hers. Cloud Dancing sang then. Sully knew it was a song, though he'd never heard it before but the words were almost magical weaving their way around the two of them and he remembered the day Anna had died and how Ida had sung. "Fly to her soul and bring her back. Make her strong." The words resounded again and again. Sully wasn't sure if Cloud Dancing continued or if the melody played only in his mind. Then the words were changing, a new melody beginning. The words were different and Sully's ear did not recognize them readily. They were ancient words passed on from medicine man to medicine man. Yet Sully's heart understood them regardless. His friend was calling to his love, asking her to return to the heart that knew her best.

* * *

Pressing her body close to his, Sully walked to the porch of the clinic and used his foot to knock on the door. Rebecca opened to him within seconds, her eyes growing wide as she recognized his form in the darkness. "Sully," she gasped. "Is she…" Her sister looked lifeless and pale, the picture of death. Rebecca gripped the door tightly, afraid she would faint with the thought.

Two almost translucent eyelids blinked open and then shuttered quickly closed as the light assaulted her senses. "Fevers breakin'," Sully whispered with the semblance of a smile. He moved past Rebecca who felt relief wash over her like a flood. She followed Sully up the stairs, watching as he laid her in the middle of the bed she'd occupied previously. Continuing on as if he was alone, he lay down beside her pushing her hair to the side. Reaching to the bedside table he dipped one of the cloths into the basin of water, rung it out and laid it on her brow.

Emily came to the door, stopping only when Rebecca motioned for her to. "How is she?"

"Sully said the fever's breaking."

"He should rest," Emily whispered, "or he may end up sick as well."

Rebecca nodded watching her daughter carefully. She was so proud of the way she'd handled herself the past few days, proving that she was going to be an excellent doctor. Emily stepped forward into the room. "Sully." Her words were soft but his head jerked up, his eyes instantly trained on her. "I'll take care of her. You should rest."

"Not yet," his reply came quickly. "I ain't leavin' her til I'm sure…" His words faded out but he didn't have to utter one syllable more. "Emily, I left a bag downstairs with willow bark. Need to brew it into a tea. It'll help with the fevers."

Emily nodded gratefully, her own prejudices having slipped away when she saw the improvement in her aunt. Moving back to stand beside her mother, she spoke softly, "He's going to make himself ill." There was a trace of annoyance in her voice that made Rebecca smile.

"And if Crawford was the one on that bed, would you leave him?" Emily's cheeks turned crimson at hearing the name of her fiancé. She had thought of him often over the past few days, though she had yet to filter Sully's feeling through that lens.

"Sully should stay with her," she whispered and then leaned over to pull the door too, leaving the couple alone.

* * *

Opening one eye and then the other quickly, Michaela was taken aback by Sully's presence beside her in the bed. She tried hard to remember how she'd come to be here but everything seemed like a dream. There was Cloud Dancing and horses… and the feeling that she was more tired than she'd ever been in her life. Still sensibility had not deserted her and she feared the situation. Moving away from Sully, she gripped the blanket against her chest, realizing she wore only her camisole and bloomers.

The absence of her warmth beside him and the gentle movement of the bed awoke Sully abruptly. He smiled when he saw her awake, not registering the discomfort on her face. "Hey," he said sitting up and running a hand through his hair. "How do ya feel?"

"Tired as if I could sleep for a week." Sully chuckled lightly and reached for her but Michaela shied away. "Sully why are you in my bed?"

With a labored breath, he cocked his head to the side. "You've been sick Michaela. The grippe… I didn't want to leave ya." Michaela wrinkled her brow, trying hard to remember anything of the past few days. Shadows continued to swim before her, lurking just out of her reach. "You don't remember anything?" Sully's voice was desperate – if she didn't remember the illness, she didn't remember the proposal.

Slowly things began to come into focus. "I fainted… you caught me…" She wrinkled her forehead as she concentrated hard to put vague pieces in their right place. "Was Cloud Dancing here?"

"I took ya to him. The quinine was gone.."

Michaela interrupted him, "He used the willow bark tea."

"Yes," Sully whispered with a hint of a smile. "And he performed the healing ritual."

"We were outside?"

"Yes," Sully replied smiling at the returning memories.

It was Michaela's turn to smile now as well. "And you were there. You never left me." It wasn't a question but a statement, a recognition of the closeness that held them both.

"I never will leave ya ever again," Sully assured. This time when he reached for her, Michaela did not shy away but moved into his embrace.

"You must be tired," she whispered soothingly.

"You too," Sully pointed out and Michaela nodded. "I'll leave you to get some sleep."

"No!" Her voice was louder than either of them expected and they both smiled afterwards. "I… would you… stay with me?"

"Course I will." Michaela smiled, laying her head against his chest as Sully ran his hand up and down her back. "You remember anything else about when ya were sick?" he asked hoping that perhaps the engagement had come back as well.

"You," she whispered. "I remember you." Sully knew that for now he'd have to be content with that. There would be time to tell her later, to ask again. For now he needed to revel in the fact that she was alive.

The question worked on Michaela as Sully slowly drifted back to sleep. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but feel there was something else – something she was missing. Sully grew still, his breathing deep and even as Michaela grew alert. Her memory finally fit the last piece of the puzzle in place and she remembered it clearly. Pulling back to see his face, she maneuvered herself so that she cupped his cheeks in her hands. "You asked me to marry you… I remember." With that she kissed the tip of his nose, satisfied that he still slept.

She snuggled back down against him. "And you said yes." His voice was deep, full of emotion. Neither spoke again, letting sleep and dreams of love wash over them.


	142. Chapter 142

Michaela set the book down beside her and stared out the balcony doors once more

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Homecoming

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-three

Michaela set the book down beside her and stared out the balcony doors once more. The sun was bright and the weather warmer than normal for this time of year. The prospect of getting dressed and going outside was rather appealing. In truth, only two days had passed since her fever broke but to Michaela it felt like an eternity. If she had her way, she'd be up tending those still left at the clinic. Emily insisted that she continue to rest though, knowing just how ill her aunt had been. While it was true that Michaela was much recovered, her face was still hauntingly pale and even small amounts of activity tired her out.

Leaning back against the pillows on the bed, Michaela sighed as she fingered the edge of the quilt covering her legs. She let her mind drift back to all that had occurred in the past few days from the quarantine to Sully's proposal. While she knew that Sully had asked her to marry him, things seemed cloudy to her. Since her fever broke, neither had discussed marriage or an engagement. Michaela wanted to talk about it but felt unsure how to bring it back up. In fact since he'd left her the morning after her fever broke, she'd seen very little of Sully. With little to occupy her very active mind, thoughts crept in unguarded and old insecurities resurfaced quickly. Even now she felt unsure about things between the two of them.

The sound of the door opening made her look up expectantly. Perhaps this was Sully now, she thought to herself. Rebecca stood there instead, a lunch tray in her hands. "I'm not hungry," Michaela protested holding her hand up as if to refuse the tray.

"You may not be hungry but you need to try and eat something." Michaela gave Rebecca a disgruntled look but allowed her to set the tray down. With a twinkle in her eye, Rebecca smiled at her sister. "Why is it that doctors make the worst patients? I remember once when father…" Her words faded out as she watched a pained look on her sister's face.

With a weak smile, Michaela looked up at Rebecca. "It's true," she admitted. "We are horrible patients." With that she picked up a spoon and began to push little bits of carrot around in her soup.

"Michaela are you alright?" Rebecca asked with concern as she took a seat in the bedside chair.

Another sigh escaped Michaela's mouth as she set the spoon back down, the soup still untasted. "I don't know."

"Your confinement to bed is only for a few days," Rebecca laughed. "You act as if it's the end of the world."

"Oh, it's not that." A silence filled the room as Rebecca patiently waited for her sister to speak once more. She looked up at Rebecca from beneath hooded eyes. "While I was sick Sully asked me to marry him."

The older sister smiled knowingly. "I've heard rumors to that effect." The statement elicited no response from her sister who now was looking at the balcony doors again, her ears acutely attuned to some sound. "And you said yes?" She tried to regain her sister's attention.

Michaela nodded. "Where's Sully?" The words tumbled out hastily and made Rebecca frown.

"Honestly I'm not sure. He took the children this morning – the Coopers and Jacob. Said he had something he wanted to show them. It's been a great help not to have them underfoot."

Part of Michaela wanted to smile at the fact that Sully loved the children so and that he was helpful. Yet her own selfishness at wanting him at her side prevailed, though she would never admit it aloud. "I see," she whispered casting her eyes downward.

"Michaela tell me what's wrong."

Rebecca's tone suggested that she wasn't going to leave until Michaela spoke up. When she looked up at her sister, her face said the same thing. "I don't know what is wrong with me. One minute, I'm so happy and the next I have all these doubts…." She shook her head as her voice faded off.

Standing, Rebecca removed the lunch tray and sat on the side of the bed to take her sister's hand in hers. "It's normal to doubt. Marriage is a big decision."

"But that's why I came out here… this is what I've wanted for my entire life. Shouldn't I be happy, completely and utterly happy?"

"You will be," Rebecca smiled knowingly as she spoke. "It's still not real. It still feels as though it could end." Michaela shook her head and let herself look fully at Rebecca who now had her complete attention. "I remember right after Robert asked me to marry him, I overheard some ladies in a dress shop one day. They were friends of Robert's mother who didn't realize who I was. One said she was certain that I was too young for him, that the engagement would be broken within the month once Robert came to his senses." Rebecca stopped for a minute and swallowed hard. "It didn't matter that Robert was completely devoted to me, for the next month I looked for any little sign that he was going to call things off."

Michaela nodded again. "Sully's been away so much since I've been better." She grimaced realizing that wasn't exactly true. "Or at least it feels that way… I suppose I was thinking he had doubts."

Lovingly, Rebecca patted her hand. "Oh I'm sure at some point he will have a doubt and so will you. There will even be times after you are married when you might wonder if you've done the right thing. Doubts are fleeting though – it's love that holds you together and always will. You just love him, Michaela and let him love you." Rebecca stood as she spoke and picked the lunch tray back up. "And now it is time for you to eat."

Michaela laughed at her sister's motherly tone. "Yes, mother," she joked.

"Oh come now Michaela, that didn't sound a thing like mother. She would give you a much harder time." That statement made them both laugh as Michaela plunged the spoon into her soup and began to eat enthusiastically.

* * *

The days that followed were easier for Michaela, though there were moments when she still wondered if Sully would be happy with her when he left the Cheyenne. He seemed to be there to visit more often or perhaps only her perception changed, but either way it made Michaela happy. Emily let the children keep her company for longer periods as well and when she was alone, Michaela read veraciously. Rebecca and the children were supposed to return to Boston before the New Year but they had decided to extend their stay until Emily and Jacob would be forced to return for school.

The influenza wiped Christmas from their minds temporarily but now that everyone was recovered, presents and a celebration still waited. The children spent the day before Michaela was to return to the homestead, making all the preparations. Sully cut down a tree and they decorated it. When the women they regarded as their mother stepped through the door, she was beside herself with happiness. "It's beautiful," she whispered looking into their faces before glancing back at the man who held her heart. "Did you have something to do with this?"

"Perhaps a little," he replied coyly.

It did not matter that the calendar said December twenty-eighth. For the eight of them, today was Christmas. They exchanged gifts, sang Christmas carols and ate their bellies full. As the sun began to descend, the adults took turns reading from "A Christmas Carol." Brian fell asleep during the story and Sully carried him off to bed as Colleen and Emily cleaned up the plates from dessert.

"I'll drive ya back to town," Sully offered as he emerged from the alcove where he'd laid Brian.

"No need," Rebecca smiled. "We'll stay here this evening. Emily will sleep with Colleen and Jacob can't wait to get out in the barn with Matthew. Besides I know you wanted some time with Michaela." Her eyes twinkled with excitement as she spoke and Sully returned the look with gratitude in his eyes. "I'm going to get everything settled down in here if you'd like…."

Nothing more needed to be said, Sully turned quickly towards the woman he loved. "Wanna sit on the porch for a bit?" Michaela nodded and grabbed her shawl before they stepped out into the cool Colorado night.

The weather wasn't as cold as it should have been for the end of December. Sully was grateful because if it had been this would not have been possible. They sat together on the steps as Sully draped his arm around her shoulders.

Tiny pin pricks of light, illuminated the night sky making it seem ordered in some mysterious way. A light breeze blew and Michaela snuggled down deeper into Sully's embrace, glad for the excuse to move closer. In her mind, things were the best they had been between them since they had reunited in Colorado. Somehow the turbulent events of the last few days had only served to solidify that feeling. In her mind, she had told herself to be patient – to take things slow. After all, four years was a long time and he was right they had both changed. The harried proposal had only come because she was sick. They needed time to be sure. Yet in her heart, she was already sure – she had been sure when she left Boston.

Earlier that evening, Michaela noticed Sully had brought along Whitman book of poetry which had made her terribly curious. It had been awhile since she had heard Whitman and though she knew that his poems could be somewhat questionable – she also knew they really were beautiful. That was why she had swallowed her resistance when Sully asked if he could share one with her.

Michaela didn't notice how his hands shook as he opened the book and he was glad that his hand wasn't clasped in hers for his palm was sweating profusely. "To You," he read, trying hard to hide the quiver in his voice. "Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear, I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you. O I have been dilatory and dumb, I should have made my way straight to you long ago, I should have blabb'd nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing but you. I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you, None had understood you, but I understand you, None has done justice to you , you have not done justice to yourself, None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you, None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you, I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself…" his voice trailed off here. He had planned to read the whole poem but something told him to stop and speak his heart right now.

"Sully?" Michaela asked raising her head from his chest. "Was that the end?"

Sully ignored her question as he leaned in close to her ear repeating the words from the poem. "I love none better than you… he says what I feel Michaela. I have been dumb and probably dilatory too, but I don't exactly know what that means…." He chuckled nervously but when he heard Michaela's voice join his he relaxed a little. "I should have come to you… made you come to me…. "

"I should have never left you," Michaela replied wanting to equally shoulder the blame for their years apart.

"What he says… I mean it Michaela…. I won't try to subordinate you… but I promise I will love you all my days." Michaela's heart quickened at these words and her breath caught in her throat watching Sully's movements. Before she knew it, he was down on one knee in front of her, the words on his tongue. Michaela panicked and all the certainty that had been hers only moments ago left her. "I want this to be real - Michaela will ya marry me?"

* * *

I'm back….


	143. Chapter 143

Michaela set the book down beside her and stared out the balcony doors once more

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Homecoming

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-three

Stepping out of the thicket into the moonlight, Sully breathed in deeply letting the cool air fill his lungs. The long shadow of the house made the place feel abandoned and forlorn but Sully refused to the let the feeling overtake him. A smile crept over his lips as he moved closer to the house, rejoicing over the fact that he had not destroyed his handiwork as he planned to do years ago. The building that once he avoided- the place that seemed to do nothing but mock him, now evoked different feelings.

The wind blew through the trees creating strange noises but Sully was not distracted. He stood now in the full moonlight in the very middle of the yard, his eyes running over the windows. That window, he thought to himself, that window is the one Brian will look out when he wakes in the morning. His heart beat quickly in his chest as he looked to the next window. And that window, that will be Colleen's. And that one… he laughed gently feeling giddy now. That one will be Matthew's. The last set of windows made his heart race – those windows belonged to the room he would share with Michaela. Exuberance made him giddy and he ran now to the porch of the house but stopped just before the steps.

A stranger watching the scene would have thought he was asking the house's permission to climb its steps. He stood so still, his eyes so intent. Emotion, pure and unchecked, filled him and he let himself truly trust that everything would work out- that everything would be fine. He climbed the stairs slowly and then turned to look out onto the moon covered landscape.

His voice was quiet as he began to speak. "She said yes." Repeating the words out loud made him smile widely. Sully said the words again this time a little louder. "She said yes." A full out chuckle rose up in his belly and he raised his hands above his head as if announcing to the world. "She said yes," he yelled into the night air the sound echoing around him, filling him as never before.

* * *

Michaela tried to be quiet as she reentered the cabin. The last oil lamp was extinguished and the only light was from the fire. Her sister lay in bed already, her eyes pressed closed and Michaela assumed she was fast asleep. Michaela had no desire to sleep, though she knew she should. The day with all its excitement had worn her out completely yet Sully's proposal had invigorated her. Crossing quietly over to the fire, she added another log and then slipped into the rocking chair.

For a moment she didn't dare to look down at her hand. After all there had been many times in Boston when she'd imagined the ring there. There had been times she could have sworn she felt it hanging on the chain around her neck. There were times she'd even panicked momentarily when she realized it was missing. Dreams had haunted her through those long years – dreams of the man she loved but would never have. Yet now….

Slowly she held her left hand out in front of her until the fire just caught the glow of the diamond. In the night's darkness, she was fairly certain that it was her ring but there was a part of her that thought perhaps Sully had destroyed that ring, that symbol of their past. To see it again now filled her with an unspeakable joy. Now she moved her hand this way and that letting the flames from the fire dance off the diamond and gold band as a wide smile crossed her lips.

"Stop staring at the ring and start talking," Rebecca giggled as she sat up from her feigned sleep.

"I thought you were asleep," Michaela replied quickly turning to face her sister. She was grateful for the darkness that hid the red color of her cheeks. "I was only…" She smiled now watching Rebecca's face. There was no point trying to hide what she was doing.

"I'm assuming he proposed." Michaela nodded with her crooked grin growing larger. "And you said yes?"

"I said yes," she confirmed with another downward glance at the ring. Silence filled the space as Michaela once again was mesmerized by the sparkled of the diamond on her finger.

Growing impatient, Rebecca threw back the covers. "Are you trying to kill me?" Michaela turned with an odd look on her face. Rebecca moved forward on the bed lying on her stomach like a school girl with her hands under her chin. "Details, please." She laughed again.

"And loud," came a voice from the other room as Emily appeared in the doorway of the alcove.

A look of surprise crossed the doctor's face. "Is anyone in here asleep?" Michaela laughed again as her niece joined her mother on the bed, tucking her legs up under her as she sat down.

"The children are sound asleep. I think today wore them out." Emily yawned as she spoke but her eyes were bright with excitement and Michaela wondered if her own held the same look. "So?" Emily asked leaning forward a little to hear the story better.

Michaela shrugged. "There's not much to tell really. He read some poetry. He got down on one knee. I said yes." The statements were said slowly and disjointed.

"Well that sound romantic," Emily giggled nudging Rebecca. "I don't think Aunt Michaela knows how to tell a story."

With slight affront in her voice, Michaela replied, "I do to know how to tell a story."

Rebecca and Emily laughed. "No a proposal story is like this." Emily stood now and held her folded hands up under her chin. "The moon was bright and large. So large I thought I might be able to reach out and touch it if only I could get a little closer. I felt his warm arm draped around my shoulder, watched as he pulled out the poetry book."

"Were the two of you peering out the window?" Michaela asked with slight indignation in her voice.

"Perhaps a peek or two," Rebecca admitted with a suppressed grin.

Michaela stood and crashed onto the bed like a young girl pretending to attack her sister. "You two…" came her exasperated cry as Emily joined them, each giggling like a school girl despite their varied ages. A stirring from the alcove silenced them momentarily but when it stopped they were still smiling, still playful.

"Two weddings," Rebecca remarked with a wide grin. "My little sister and my daughter." She touched each of them as she spoke. "What an exciting time!"

Emily's face grew contrite for a moment. "I wish granda…" She paused as the name slipped past her lips. The words were lost inside of her. She hadn't meant to throw a wet blanket on the occasion but she feared she had.

"We all wish things were different," Michaela said quickly.

"It's his loss," Rebecca added patting both of their hands.

Feeling as if she needed to apologize for bringing up his name, Emily tried to explaian. "I just…"

Michaela stilled her though. "Emily, don't worry. I know what you're thinking. I've thought of it too. Neither of us will have anyone to give us away, though I suppose you'll be married in China." Silence settled between them as the mood sobered. It was Rebecca who refused to let Josef ruin even this happy gathering, thousands of miles away from Boston.

"Now it's not the time to dwell on things like this. Now is the time to celebrate… to think of the future."

Michaela smiled and nodded her head. "You're right."

"Have I ever been wrong?" Rebecca laughed teasingly. It was enough to break the somber mood and soon all three were discussing weddings and houses and husbands, staying up into the wee hours of the morning like young girls.

* * *

**Boston – December 31, 1865**

Marjorie's eyes fluttered open, her mind trying to discern the sound she heard on the far side of the room. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the room and she made out William's form in the rocking chair, his son in his arms. He was softly singing to the baby. For a moment Marjorie simply observed the scene, a wide smile on her face as gratitude overcame her. He was so different than Everett, so different from any man she'd ever known except maybe Rebecca's Robert or perhaps Sully. Slowly she rose, pulling a robe around her form as she rounded the bed.

"Is he hungry?"

William looked up quickly at the sound of his wife's voice and smiled. "No, I'm only spoiling him." Marjorie laughed. "I hope you don't mind."

"Mind?" She had reached the two of them now and she placed her hand on William's shoulder. "Will, I'm grateful that you're not drunk threatening to take him away from me." Marjorie frowned as she recalled the horrible moments she'd suffered in the past.

William wasn't sure how to respond at first but he shifted the baby slightly so that he could take his wife's hand. "Marjoire… I'm so…."

"It's alright," she whispered quickly. "I didn't mean… it's only that when I saw you here with him in the firelight, it contrasted so sharply to Everett. I don't think he was ever so tender with his children. But you… you are wonderful with his children and your own."

"As far as I'm concerned- they are all our children." His voice was indignant and the determined look on his face made Marjorie's chest swell with pride. She wasn't even cognizant of the smile on her lips until William stood. "There's that smile."

"Want me to take him?" Marjorie opened her arms.

William gave a shake of his head. "Let me put him down, I want to hold you."

Marjorie stood awkwardly beside the chair watching as her husband walked to the bed and placed the infant in his bassinet. He then turned and crossed back to his wife. "Let's lay down," he said near her ear his breath tickling the baby fine hairs there. He felt his wife tense, uncertain what made her suddenly nervous. Pulling back he looked full at her. "What's wrong?"

Marjorie remembered the night Everett had forced himself on her soon after one of their children was born and the thought of even William's gentle touch scared her. William read the fear in her eyes and though he wasn't certain what had caused it, he spoke reassuringly. "I only want to hold you." He pushed the robe off of her shoulders and then undid the button at the back of her gown.

"Will?"

"I want to see you … touch you… I love you Marjorie." Marjorie felt that love spread over her, filling up her senses. To lay with her husband and feel his skin against hers would be nice. She lifted the gown above her head, keeping her head lowered. William hadn't seen her naked since the baby's birth. "God, you're beautiful," he whispered gently caressing her side as he led her to the bed. In a few harried movements they were skin to skin, clinging to each other as they exchanged soft kisses.

"Will, I love you," Marjorie whispered. "I want you to know that… to know what you mean to me."

With a quick nod, William kissed her once again and then pulled her tight against him. "Patrick will be hungry soon," he said against her brow. "You should sleep."

"With you here, I will," she whispered. William laid his hand against her cheek and watched as her eyes fluttered closed. His heart swelled once more with love and he thanked God for life's second chances.

* * *

Getting back into the swing of things…


	144. Chapter 144

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.**

Homecoming

Chapter 144

Walking into town, Sully couldn't help but smile. The wind blew bitter cold but he didn't seem to mind it as if Michaela's love turned every day into spring. A week ago he'd proposed, a week ago she had said yes. The thought still made him strangely giddy. Only two days ago, they'd said goodbye to Michaela's family and finally things were gaining somewhat of a normal routine again. At the same time nothing felt normal. He was in love, deeply deeply in love. He found it hard to remember a time in his life when he had not loved Michaela but now that love had reached its full bloom. He had not known how deep the roots of that love had wound themselves around his being until now and he wanted the world to know.

The afternoon sun did nothing to chase away the chill and he stopped momentarily across from the mercantile to pull his coat a little closer to him. Loren was sweeping the porch and Sully stood still for a moment simply watching him. There was such a tangible sadness to his countenance and Sully could not help but feel sorry for the older man. The loss of Abigail still weighed on him today as it had on the day she died. Loren finished about that moment and looked up meeting Sully's eyes in the process. His face hardened and Sully knew in that instant that Loren still blamed Sully for Abigail's death. The simple news that they were courting had struck Loren hard. How would he take the news of their engagement?

Neither Sully nor Michaela had made a conscious effort to tell others about the engagement except for the family. It wasn't a conscious thought to keep it a secret, after all Michaela had not taken the ring off since Sully placed it on her finger. Yet still the news was not widely known. Sully grimaced at the thought of Loren finding out and the repercussions it might bring. With distaste Loren wrinkled his face up and turned abruptly to reenter the mercantile, acting as if Sully's mere presence was an affront to him.

With a heavy sigh, Sully turned the mere sight of Michaela's door cheering him. He picked up his step and practically jogged up the street and onto the porch of the clinic.

Gently he rapped on the door until from inside her sweet voice echoed, "Come in."

"Sully?!" Her voice was full of surprise and delight. "I thought you were going to be hunting today with Cloud Dancing?"

"We've been this morning - got 2 deer." Michaela nodded and smiled as she moved back to unpacking the crates she was working on before Sully's arrival. "So thought I'd come into town and see what my girl's up to." As he spoke he stepped up behind her. In a moment of boldness he placed his right hand at her waist letting it move forward until it rested on her hip. He moved close so that he was touching her back and whispered close to her ear, "Whatcha up to?"

"Sully," Michaela chastised wiggling a bit to make him let go of her. Yet her voice belied the desire inside of her. Her words did not sound angry in the least but rather playful. She turned to face him now and found herself nose to nose with him. Neither knew how much time passed in the next few moments. Each held the other's gaze, unwilling and unable to look away.

"I love you," Sully whispered bringing a hand up to caress her cheek.

The words elicited a smile from Michaela who dropped her eyes to his lips. Sully wasted no time closing the distance between them as he softly pressed a kiss to each corner of her mouth before letting his lips close fully over hers. They had shared many a kiss in their lives but somehow this one was a little different. Perhaps it was simply that nothing stood in their way now. Soon she would be his wife and no one could interfere with that.

"I can't wait until we're married," she confessed running her hands through his hair letting her fingers dance across his scalp. Sully closed his eyes and moved his head so that her fingers would hit new spots that longed to feel her touch. Michaela laughed. "You're like a dog."

Sully's eyes flew open and he playfully let out a low growl as Michaela wriggled out of his grasp walking coyly over to her desk. "So let's elope," Sully suggested taking a step towards her.

"It's not that easy, Sully. Weddings take time to plan…. And I'd like my sisters to be here… and…" Sully could see her mind working, ticking through the myriad of things she would need to do or plan before they would be husband and wife.

An old memory came back to him from the day of Maureen's wedding and he grinned broadly. "Ya said 'Weddings are just a bunch of silly fuss.'" he reminded her. She smiled and squinted up her eyes glancing at the ceiling like she was searching her brain for that particular memory. He placed his hand around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"I never said that," she finally replied.

"Yes, you did."

"When?"

"The day of Maureen's weddin'."

"You remember that?"

"Ya don't?"

"You were supposed to say something incredibly romantic like 'I remember every moment of our lives together.'" She trailed her hand up his right arm as she said this. He smiled knowing she was trying to distract him. Truth be known, it was working.

"I think you're changin' the subject," he said trying to ignore her hand which now was resting on his neck pulling him down towards her lips.

"What subject?"

"I asked ya if ya wanted to elope." His face was only inches away from hers now. He looked in her eyes and knew the answer before she opened her mouth. "Martha said you'd change your mind."

"I guess she was right," she laughed as they exchanged another heated kiss.

Wanting to continue their tryst, Sully looked over her shoulder as they broke apart. "Ya got appointments this afternoon?"

"No," Michaela said with a shake of her head.

Sully nodded and smiled. "Where are the children?"

"Going to be back soon," she laughed. "I sent them to run a few errands. They're probably at the mercantile by now looking over the candy."

That reminded Sully of his earlier meeting with Loren, if you could call it that. "'Chaela, I want the world to know I love you… I don't wanna hide anymore…"

"Me neither." Michaela wrinkled her nose up wondering where all of this was coming from suddenly. "Sully?"

"Loren's gonna take this hard. Do ya think he already knows?"

"I doubt it. I mean I was barely in the office when Rebecca was here. I haven't had much of a chance to announce the good news." She thought for a moment. "Perhaps we should make sure to be the ones to tell Loren… at the right time," she added.

The thought both hit them at once and they spoke simultaneously. "The children!" Neither could get to the door fast enough. Michaela left without her coat and instantly regretted it.

"You're gonna freeze," Sully said quickly stopping her on the clinic porch. "I'll get the children. You get your coat."

* * *

Loren ambled back into the mercantile slowly, feeling tired deep in his bones. He knew that Sully wasn't to blame for Abby's death. Yet he couldn't bring himself to accept the fact that Abigail had been ill. He should have noticed. Banging his hand down on the counter, he tried to put some physical feeling to the emotional pain. Swallowing hard, Loren determined to chase away the thought that he was to blame. "I'm not," he whispered to himself.

"You're not what?" The glint of red in the corner of his eye made him instantly grow angrier. Dorothy was always underfoot.

"I thought I told ya I didn't need your help this afternoon."

Dorothy's eyes grew wide for a moment and she made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat. "I don't know how my sister puts up with you. Glad I'm not married to you."

"That makes two of us," he snapped back. "Where's Maude?"

"She asked me to fill in for her while she runs a cake out to widow Jone's house. It shouldn't take long, then I'll be out of your hair."

"Good," Loren replied snappily glancing up to see Brian running full steam into the mercantile. He shook his head watching as the boy headed straight for the candy jars. Brian's eyes were wide with wonder as he examined the glass containers full of brightly colored sweets. His mouth was watering already in anticipation. Loren approached him from the side stopping just shy of him. "Be careful," he grumped looking down disapproving. "Where's Dr. Mike?" He glanced around the store.

"At the clinic. She had us send a telegram to her ma and said we could get candy afterwards." Colleen and Matthew entered now looking around for Brian and spotting him at the candy.

"Brian, you were supposed to stay with us," Colleen scolded as they walked over towards him. "Wait til I tell ma."

"You're always tattlin' on me and it ain't fair. Just wait until Sully's our pa then I'll tattle on ya." Matthew clamped his hand over Brian's mouth, his eyes wide as he cast a nervous glance at Colleen. Neither was sure this was supposed to be public knowledge quite yet.

"What's that boy?" Loren asked leaning in.

"He's just playin'," Colleen said nervously backing up a little bit and pulling Brian with her. Yet this wasn't a good idea because now Matthew's hand came off of his mouth.

"No I'm not," he shouted indignantly. "Sully asked ma to marry him and she said yes."

Sully entered at that very instant and one look at Loren told him he was too late. Trying to remain calm, he looked over at the children. "Ya got your candy yet? Your ma's waitin' on ya." Awkwardly he stuck his hands in his pockets trying to avoid Loren's gaze.

"Ya gettin' married?" Loren asked as he turned towards him fully. Michaela arrived in the door of the mercantile and swallowed hard having heard the question from just outside. All air had been sucked from the room in that second. Every eye in the place was on Sully as they awaited his answer.

Brian could not make sense of what was happening and he took a step towards the man he already considered his father and lightly tugged on his arm. "Tell 'em Sully. Tell 'em you're gonna marry ma."

Loren asked again, "It's true?"

"It is."

Dorothy stepped forward in that moment, ignoring Loren completely. "Congratulations to the two of you. How exciting – a wedding."

"Get out of my store." Loren's voice was low and menacing, his eyes narrowed as he considered the man before him. "Get out!"

"Loren…" Dorothy tried to interject but Loren wouldn't let her.

"You stay out of it." He pointed a finger at her as he spoke, his wrath momentarily turned on her.

"Mr. Bray, be reasonable…" Michaela began but got no further.

"I don't like liars in my store."

Sully began to push Brian over towards Michaela. Colleen and Matthew quickly followed suit. "I ain't a liar."

"You never intended to marry Abigail." The anger was gone from his voice suddenly as he said her name but sorrow resonated in its place.

"Loren…" Sully's voice faded, his thoughts skipping back to the night Abby had caught him in Michaela's room – the night he'd realized he couldn't marry her. "I never meant to hurt Abby…. I wanted to be a good father to her baby…"

Loren heard none of it though. He turned with a stone cold expression in his eyes. Quickly Dorothy moved to the side, stepping out of his way. "Go," he said again.

Sully knew there was nothing else to be said at this moment and he turned towards his fiancé slowly with a sad look in his eyes. It frightened Michaela because she knew that guilt often drove Sully away. He couldn't disappear on her right now though. The certainty of their future rested in this moment… rested in what Sully would choose in the next moments. "Please let him stay," Michaela whispered to herself as the cold air bit at her cheeks. "Let him stay."


	145. Chapter 145

Michaela kept peeking backwards to ensure Sully was still with them

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Five**

**Colorado Springs – January 1866**

Michaela kept peeking backwards to ensure Sully was still with them. She wanted to feel his fingers against hers but that was impossible as Brian held one hand and Colleen had quickly gripped the other one. It took a moment before she realized that Colleen was still scolding Brian for his outburst in the mercantile.

"Colleen, leave him alone." Michaela spoke tenderly but firmly as she gave Brian's hand a light squeeze.

"I tried to tell him…" she replied glaring accusingly.

Michaela cut her off. "Colleen that's enough. Your brother wanted to share the good news. That's all."

Brian, who was confused by everything that had occurred in the last ten minutes, looked up at the doctor with watery eyes. "Ma, why was Mr. Bray mad?"

Michaela sighed and gave a little shake of her head. How did you explain this situation to a young child? "Well Mr. Bray…"

To her relief, Sully's voice chimed in from somewhere behind. "Brian," he said picking the young boy up and swinging him onto his shoulder. "Do ya ever think that sometimes Mr. Bray looks very sad?"

"He's grumpy!" His response elicited laughter from Colleen and Matthew.

Sully smiled and patted the boy's back. "Mr. Bray wasn't always like that ya know. He used to have a daughter but she died."

Sticking one finger in his mouth thoughtfully, Brian wrinkled his nose. "I bet that made Mr. Bray real sad."

Sully nodded. "'Fore I was gonna marry your ma, I was gonna marry Abby." Michaela felt a twinge in her heart. She wanted to correct his statement but she knew there was no point in it. Still it bothered her that Sully had phrased it like this.

"You sad too Sully?" Brian hugged his neck as he asked.

"No, I'm not sad anymore Brian. I got a lot of reasons to be happy." They'd reached the clinic porch now and Michaela turned just as Sully finished speaking. He held her gaze for a moment communicating more than any words possibly could. "I got your ma and the three of you. Mr. Bray, though, it's hard for him to see me marry your ma 'cause it reminds him of Abby."

Brian still looked puzzled for a moment then frowned. "Hey I didn't get any candy."

The words brought relief to both of the grown ups. No more would need to be said – Brian was already distracted. Unfortunately candy wasn't enough to erase the day's events from Sully or Michaela's minds. As Sully set Brian down on the clinic porch, his eyes roved off into the distance for a moment. Michaela shepherded the children into the clinic and then turned as to hold the door for Sully. "Are you coming?" she asked hopefully.

The pause that ensued made Michaela's heart sink. Sully turned slowly to look at her holding his hand out in the process. Michaela felt the rough fingers slip in between hers and she felt instantly at ease. "Ya alright?"

Michaela nodded. "I suppose. You?"

Sully shrugged. "I'm not sure it ever would have been easy. Perhaps it's better that Brian let the cat out of the bag." Taking her other hand in his, he turned so that he faced her directly. "I'm sorry 'bout what I said to Brian. I just didn't know how to explain." Sully gave a shake of his head unsure what else to say.

"I understand," Michaela said meekly. "The children don't know about our past." Her eyes focused on the clinic door as she wondered how much to tell them or whether to tell them at all. Maybe someday they would need to know but for now they were too young to understand. Michaela felt at times that she didn't understand everything she'd lived through.

"Why don't we ride out to the homestead?" Sully suggested. "The children and I've been working on it some and I know they'd like to show you."

Michaela smiled widely at the suggestion though Sully would not fully understand the smile. She gave a nod of her head and Sully instantly let go of her hands to fetch the children. Michaela moved to the railing on the porch feeling every muscle in her body relax. Sully wasn't going to run away – he was going to stay. Even more than that, he was trying to cheer her and the children. He was seeing outside of himself, outside of his own pain. Something changed with this realization. The immaturity of their relationship seemed to pass away in this one sweeping move. They were no longer young people seeking a relationship for the pleasure it brought. They were adults and they were a family – one that would be strong. One that would need to be strong for what was about to be.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – February 27, 1866**

The news that Michaela and Sully were engaged spread quickly through the small sleepy town. Disapproving stares and hushed conversations were nothing new for the couple. Their brief public engagement in Boston had toughened them both more than they thought. Sully resisted the urge to hide with the Cheyenne, knowing that Michaela needed him to be as visible as she was. Yet he had promised Cloud Dancing that he would ride with the Cheyenne when they returned from winter camp as many of the braves were away in the Black Hills at a tribal meeting. The trip had seemed so far away in January but time rushed on bringing the end of February before either was prepared for it. The time that had passed managed to still some of the rumors and whispers but Sully still hated to leave. His worry about Michaela drove him to seek help in one of the most unlikely places.

He came into town early that morning keeping to himself as he walked through the nearly deserted streets. Michaela was not yet at the clinic and that pleased him. While he had promised himself not to keep anything from her, he felt as if this was different – this was for her protection. Crossing to the far side of the street, he stepped up onto the porch which still held the remnants of last night's festivities. Inside he heard movement and he peered over the swinging doors into the dark of the saloon. He could just make out Hank's hunched form at the bar as he surveyed the room again to make sure the barkeep was alone. Certain that he was, Sully pushed the door open and entered the stale air.

With a sly grin on his face, Hank looked up at his visitor. "Doc ain't treatin' ya right Sully?" Sully frowned and gave a shake of his head but before he could speak Hank went on. "I got a new girl…"

"Hank, I ain't here about any girl."

"Gonna take up drinkin?" he laughed.

Sully clenched his fists at his side wondering if this was a good idea. "I came to talk to ya," he said trying to keep his tone even and cool.

Hank met his eyes and frowned. Sully had always been an enigma to Hank and the thought that he was coming to him now made him slightly uneasy. He looked down at the small wooden box in front of him and closed the lid. "So talk." He spoke gruffly, leaning back and bringing one foot up to rest it against the bar.

With a nod, Sully cleared his throat. "I'm goin' out to the Cheyenne's winter camp. Leave tomorrow." Sully's lip curled under as he detected the nasty look on Hank's face and he headed him off before the comment could follow. "Ya know how people been recently 'bout me and Michaela." He looked out the window as he spoke and watched as Michaela jumped down from the front of the wagon, the children clamoring out of the back.

Hank gave a shrug of his shoulders, smiling at the fact that Sully might be seen by his fiancé leaving the saloon. "People ain't talkin' much anymore."

"Still… well…" Sully shuffled his feet against the floor. "Hank, ya been a good friend to Michaela."

The words weren't what the barkeep had expected and he shifted uncomfortably behind the bar. "I ain't done her no favors. She checks on my girls for me…"

Sully cut him off. "Hank, I just want to ask… I just want you to look after her while I'm gone."

The barkeep swallowed hard. "Ya sure ya want me lookin' after her," he said it as if Sully was giving him free reign to move in on the doctor.

The comment gained no rise from Sully who simply nodded his head as he spoke, "Yeah, I do." There was no response from the barkeep as he looked down and pretended to be deeply interested in his boot suddenly. Sully grew impatient and with an irritated sigh decided there was no use staying any longer. He turned crossing the floor quickly, only stopped at the swinging door as Hank spoke.

"I'll look after her." Sully did not turn but simply nodded. They had reached an understanding – perhaps not the most reassuring but an understanding nonetheless. Deep inside, Sully simply knew he could trust Hank. There was something in his eyes when he looked at Michaela, something akin to deep respect. Possibly it was some mutated form of love as well but that did not worry him. Whatever it was that Hank felt towards the doctor, it would be enough to assure his help in this regard.

* * *

Warm lips on hers, engulfing her own with their width as they moved together. The gentle vacuum pull, the rush of his breath against her cheek as they continued the lover's dance with their mouths. Sully's hands warm and firm against her back. They were moving constantly seeking to pull her closer as if he wanted to climb inside of her or pull her inside of him. Flames from the fireplace danced around them and though Michaela knew it was dangerous to explore this renewed passion with the children sleeping so close, she did not stop Sully's advances.

When they finally broke the kiss, they barely moved away from each other. With noses touching they held the other's gaze. He spoke against her lips. "We haven't talked much about our wedding."

Michaela nodded in agreement as her hand came up to play with his left ear. Sully smiled at her knowing that she was truly into this if even a mention of the wedding didn't set her to talking. He leaned in and kissed her gently once more before finishing his thought. "When I get back from the winter camp, let's get married."

A smile softly spread across Michaela's lips. A thousand things began to run through her mind and she wanted to tell Sully that this was not feasible. She would need much more time. Yet something in his eyes stopped her. Weddings didn't matter in that moment, only the thought that she would finally be his wife. "As soon as you get back," she whispered in affirmation.

Sully was steeling himself for resistance so that when he found none, he could barely contain his enthusiasm. Peppering her face with hot kisses, he spoke slowly. "This time apart will seem like forever."

"With a wedding at the end of it," she whispered letting the truth of that statement run through her.

"That's what I'm gonna think about every night." He covered her lips again with his own darting his tongue out boldly. Soon he would be able to explore this passion fully – soon there would be no reason to stop. Like a teenage boy he found his body's reaction uncontrollable and he shifted uncomfortably so that Michaela wouldn't notice. There was nothing to worry about in that regard though as Michaela was fighting her own battle. She felt warm inside and her head was giddy with happiness. Strange and wonderful things occurred to her. What would it be like to unbutton his shirt – to place hot kisses to his chest? How would his lips feel against her neck? Her breasts ached to be caressed as well as other places. Slightly scared by the myriad of emotions she pulled away looking timid.

"Sorry I got carried away," Sully whispered quickly.

Michaela shook her head and held out her hand to him. As Sully took it in his own, she smiled then looked down shyly. She wanted him to know that he hadn't frightened her rather it was her own thoughts. To put that in words proved difficult though and so she simply said, "I can't wait until we are married."

The words conveyed her message perfectly to Sully. He gave her hand a light squeeze and then moved to stand. There was going to be no easy way to end this evening and he decided to extricate himself now when there seemed to be a lull. Michaela stood with him and walked to the door. As the door opened and the chilly night air hit her so did the realization that Sully was leaving at first light. Crying seemed silly but she couldn't manage to control the hot tears that welled up in her eyes.

"Hey, hey," Sully whispered as she clung to the front of his shirt.

"I'm sorry."

Placing one finger under the edge of her chin, Sully lifted her face to him. "Don't be sorry. This is hard for me to."

The understanding in his eyes and the warmth of his touch calmed her instantly. Swallowing hard he turned and stepped out of the door. He walked slowly and methodically forward making his feet continue their journey. It was now that he realized how much he did not want to go to the Cheyenne – how much he wanted to stay with his family. At the edge of the woods he turned and waved trying hard to smile. Michaela returned the smile with a watery one of her own as she watched him disappear from view.

* * *

**Colorado wilderness – March 7, 1866**

The Cheyenne moved slowly and Sully felt himself growing impatient. He knew it always took this long to return from winter camp but a gnawing feeling inside told him that he needed to get home and soon. Burying the feeling, he continued to help break down the temporary camp they'd made for the night. After all if something was wrong he would have heard – Hank had promised.

The words pierced the air suddenly. One of the Cheyenne braves calling out that a white man was riding into camp. Sully dropped the tent pegs he'd been bundling and looked up as a hard knot formed in the back of his throat. Could it be? He moved forward until he could see and then he felt his stomach tighten as Hank came into view.


	146. Chapter 146

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Six**

Cambridge, Maryland – March 13, 1866

Rounding the last bend in the road, Michaela strained her neck to make out the house. From here she could just see the edge of white straining against the perfect blue sky. Yet as soon as they passed the last row of oaks, the house would be in full sight and not only the house but the river as well. The first thing that caught her eye was the wide white sail of a boat. She smiled to herself when she realized it was docked at the pier. It would be William – of that she was certain.

It felt as if she stepped backwards in time. Everything here was the same or nearly the same – she was the one who had changed, grown older. This place was frozen in time. She could almost make herself believe that any moment the front porch door would swing open and Anna would step out holding her arms open wide to her granddaughter. If she squinted her eyes and peered down at the river, she could imagine the boy Sully racing her up the banks with pants wet up to his knees. The sudden stop of the carriage brought her back to attention and she quickly reached into her purse.

"How much?" she asked absentmindedly.

The young black man smiled at her. "Ain't no charge Misses Quinn. Ain't no charge at all. Ya just get on in 'chere and get Misses Ida well."

Michaela smiled in gratitude. "I'll do my best," she promised, not only to him but to herself as well. As she climbed out of the buckboard, the screen door finally did open and a white haired John stepped out of the door with a wide smile on his face.

"Mike," he said warmly coming down to help with her bags.

"John." Michaela dropped everything that she was holding and embraced him fully. His grip on her was tight, just as she remembered. It was the hug of a father and daughter – timeless and perfect. Pulling back to see him better, neither could believe their eyes. They had both aged so since the last time they'd physically been together. Michaela promised herself she would never again stay away for so long. "I'm sorry it took me so long," she began to apologize but John stopped her.

"Can't be helped. 'portant thing is ya here." He stooped to pick up the bags now lying at her feet. "And I best get ya inside 'fore Ida got to come out here herself. She done heard the wagon." Michaela couldn't help but laugh, thinking that while time had changed them physically they were very much the same two people. "Sides Dr. Burke's wit her."

With full arms and swift feet, they made their way to the porch and then inside of the house, dropping the bags just inside the front door. Michaela kept hold of her black doctor's bag and followed John up the stairs, memories still flashing back to her with each step she took. The balcony doors were open to let in some fresh air and she could hear the gentle lapping of the river at the shores. She longed to simply gaze at the Choptank but her desire to see Ida overshadowed that for now.

She stepped into Anna's old room and for one moment she was back on that fateful day when her grandmother had passed. Yet this time the frail frame in the bed was dark skinned. William met her at the door. "Michaela," he greeted her shaking her hand warmly.

"Michaela?" The voice was Ida's. Strained and uncertain but longing all at the same time.

"I'm here," Michaela said quickly moving past her brother in law and sitting on the edge of Ida's bed so that she could take the older woman's hand.

"You come by yourself? Where's Sully? I thought…"

Assuring her quickly, Michaela guided Ida's hand onto the ring on her finger. "Don't worry. He was away helping the Cheyenne. I wanted to come right off."

In her motherly tone, Ida began to scold. "You came cross country all by yourself? Ain't never had any sense in your head and still don't. Wonder the injuns didn't kill ya dead or the union army – damn Yankees tearin' everything up around here."

Michaela couldn't resist laughing. She wasn't sure what was more amusing – the fact that she was grown and being scolded like a child or the fact that Ida was cursing the Union Army. She settled on the second reason as she spoke. "Ida – are you against what the union is doing?"

"Well, ya done know I ain't think that no body deserves to be a slave. But I'm gonna tell ya – them Yankees are makin' a mess."

"How are you feeling Ida?"

"Oh child, I'm pressin' on – I'm pressin' on." As Ida replied, Michaela turned to look at William, her eyes questioning him.

"It's what you thought Michaela – I believe there is a rather large tumor on her uterus – perhaps on the bladder as well. I'm fairly certain the bleeding is from pressure on the bladder. I wanted to wait for you to operate though. I did try to speak to the doctor in town…" His voice wavered as he raised his eyebrows and Michaela quickly nodded in understanding. Everything had been said in John's telegram. The town doctor refused to treat Ida because of her color. Michaela felt her ire rise afresh but suppressed it knowing there was nothing she could do in this moment. Yet later, she would take care of the matter herself in one way or another. Turning now and dropping Ida's hand she faced William directly.

"Tomorrow then?"

"Ain't no way ya done cuttin' me open 'fore I see Sully."

"Ida," Michaela protested, "Sully is not with me."

"He's comin'." Michaela's brow wrinkled as she looked from face to face. "John ain't ya done told her?"

"Now ya know I ain't had a chance women." He shook his head and then motioned to the folder paper on the bedside table. It was a telegram sent from Colorado Springs – the words swam in front of Michaela for a moment before she could focus. The message was short and simple.

On my way – Sully

* * *

Baltimore, Maryland – March 18, 1866

"What will the boat look like Sully? What if I have to go to the bathroom? Do they got food on the boat? What if…" Sully closed his eyes and brought his hands up to massage his temples trying hard to drown out Brian's questions. The little boy had woken on the train this morning full of unending curiosity and it was taking its toll on Sully. Michaela had left the children in Maude's capable hands much to Loren's chagrin and Sully was now wondering if he should have done the same. It had been hard to leave them though.

"Brian," Sully began trying to keep his voice calm. "We're gonna be at the boat soon and you'll see for yourself."

"But Sully what if I fall off the boat?"

"Shut up, Brian!" Colleen decided to take matters into her own hands and had yelled out at her younger brother which only caused Brian to then protest his sister's words. Matthew was soon in the fray as well, each grumpy from the days of constant travel.

Sully held his hands up in the air. "Ya know what – we're gonna have quiet time. No one can talk until we're at the dock."

Colleen looked at her younger brother murderously but settled back down onto the seat of the carriage. Matthew commenced looking at the streets around them, excited by the sights of Baltimore. Soon the other two were just as entranced and Sully found the remainder of the ride quite enjoyable. He smelled the salty air before they actually came into view of the dock but much like Michaela he felt transported back to an earlier time and place. He found his stomach clenching with eagerness to be back in Maryland but also to see Michaela. He was missing her something terrible.

* * *

I know this is short... but I am really trying to get back to finish this story and here is my first step back... hope to have the next chapter up this week. Thank you to all who have written and encouraged me - you are all too sweet!!


	147. Chapter 147

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

**Chapter One Hundred and Forty- Seven**

**Cambridge, Maryland - March 18, 1866 **

The smaller limbs of the giant oak in the front yard swayed in the March breeze as miniature white caps rolled across the surface of the river. Green shoots were pushing their way up through the thawing soil reaching for the golden rays that fell liberally on the mottled grass. There were moments when crossing the plains that Michaela wondered what would greet her in Cambridge. The war's effects, while not pressing out west, were still widely known. Having read an article of soldiers camping on plantations, robbing them of any goods they could get their hands on, had not reassured her. Yet here she was standing on the porch of the house she had always loved. Nothing here was physically touched by the scourge of war, though something hung in the air. There was no escaping the tension of fighting even when you were many miles from it.

Two continuous thoughts plagued her over the past few days. The first was for the safety of Sully who was now crossing the country as she had done. Her trip was uneventful and she could only hope that Sully's would be the same. While others in Cambridge were angry with President Lincoln, she found herself grateful that he had not allowed Maryland to secede from the Union. She hated to think of what she might have found otherwise. Hopefully Sully's trip would be smooth and quick. Yes quick…. She needed it to be quick because of the other burden that weighed on her now- Ida.

Ida still refused to even consider surgery until she laid eyes on Sully. Each attempt to convince her of the urgent need had failed. William had given up days before but Michaela continued on in her pursuit. Just that morning, Ida had looked her straight in the eye and in that motherly voice of hers said, "Child, ya always were stubborn. And I know ya ain't gonna give up. I done told ya I ain't gonna let nobody cut on me until I seen that boy's face. He's like a son to me, 'Chaela."

Michaela opened her mouth to argue but found no words would form on her lips. Suddenly anything she might say seemed selfish. Michaela wanted to operate to ensure Ida would be in her life for a while longer. Yet now she was forced to see the situation through other's eyes. Confronted with her own flaws, Michaela found herself at a loss. William entered the room at that moment giving Michaela a chance to slip out. There was no telling how long she had stood on the porch thinking back over the decisions she had made in life. Decisions she deemed as right without consulting others. Guilt was a constant companion since her return to Cambridge and it felt as if the other thing to erase it would be the sweet sight of Sully's face.

"Michaela?" William's voice made her jump. "Didn't mean to startle you," he laughed as she turned to face him.

"Sorry, I'm just in thought." William nodded and sat down on the porch swing.

"I'm sure John will be back soon." He was trying to guess at her thoughts as he spoke. He too missed his family and he assumed that was what preoccupied Michaela.

Michaela's cheeks reddened as she turned to face her brother in law. Why hadn't she gone with John this morning? Pride – the thought that only she could watch over Ida. Her brother-in-law was just as capable as she was. Right now, she could be in Sully's arms riding across the white caps of the bay, finding relief from the worries that plagued her. "I should have gone with him," she admitted.

William smiled reassuringly. "Michaela, if I knew Marjorie would be here any moment, I wouldn't just be on the porch – I'd be down on the dock." He laughed as he spoke. "It's amazing to me what you can make yourself endure and then the moment you think you don't have to anymore, you feel as if you can't take it for another second."

A strong gust of wind swept up from the river as William's words registered deep within Michaela. Again, her eyes were opened. She was not the only one to sacrifice – William too had left family to be here. "I can't thank you enough for coming. For all you've done…." Her words trailed off seeming insufficient to express her gratitude but William's gentle smile reassured her.

Sensing that Michaela was still uncomfortable, William changed the subject. "Why don't you run down to the dock Michaela? I remember that you loved to sit on the dock as a young girl." Michaela looked thoughtfully up towards Ida. "I can check in on Ida," William quickly added though his words betrayed his hurt pride.

Michaela laughed. "William, I'm not doubting your ability rather I'd like some company. I assume that she's still resting."

"And probably will be for quite a while," William replied offering Michaela his arm as he stepped forward to the steps of the porch. The wide expanse of lawn she remembered from her younger days seemed smaller as they moved down the path towards the dock. It was one of those things that happened she supposed. Everything was the same, yet different at the same time. Time played with her memory yet time could not change the river. From the moment her feet hit the dock, she pulled her arm away from William and felt instantly transformed into a girl again. The desire to take off her shoes and stockings gnawed at her as well as her mother's own voice reminding her to remain the lady. William remained planted on land while Michaela walked trance like to the end of the pier. "Time has had no effect here."

Michaela nodded assuming that he'd read her thoughts about the river but as she turned William's gaze was on her alone. With a smile, she turned to look up river and spoke of the past. "I loved spending summers here. I never dreamed I'd find a place as beautiful or magical." She shivered unconsciously in the cool breeze.

"Here take my coat," William offered already fumbling with the buttons.

"I should have thought to bring my sweater," she offered in way of apology though William waved it away as he proffered his coat to her. They both turned now in the opposite direction as William helped her put the coat on and they became engrossed once more in talk of the past. It was in this way that neither noticed the approaching vessel.

* * *

Sully felt at home again the minute his feet hit the boards of the vessel. He hadn't realized how much he missed the sailing until now. John was glad to see that Sully was still as agile with the sails as he'd once been. The task of sailing alone had grown more daunting as the years passed. It was a welcome respite to have a seasoned sailor aboard.

On the other hand, Sully had not noticed the changes in his friend. Rather, he'd thought that the older man changed very little in the preceding years. A few gray hairs here and there with a few wrinkles around the eyes and mouth but Sully saw these as proof of a happy life. As they hoisted the sails together, it was as if time reversed itself. Brian and Matthew watched in amazement, marveling as the large white sail billowed in the March breeze. The rough waters were too much for Colleen though. Within minutes of setting out into the bay, motion sickness set in making her appear very pale. Now she sat at the front of the boat watching the horizon as John had instructed.

"Rough trip?" John asked as he moved back towards the stern of the boat.

With a shake of his head, Sully laughed lightly. "Suppose there's a reason, she didn't take the children with her." John smiled knowingly. It was something to see Sully with three children in tow but he still had trouble imaging Michaela with them at all. "They wouldn't give me a moment's peace 'til I agreed to take 'em."

"You gonna see Sully, that there is how chillen' are. Gotta have a firm hand." John moved his eyes in Colleen's direction. "'specially with girls. They go to givin' ya that sad look and then ya can't even remember why ya told 'em no in the first place. Course ya already knew that." John cast a sneaky glance at his old friend.

"What's that supposed to mean?" There was no reply from John though, he simply laughed as they both knew he meant Michaela.

John's face fell as a more serious mood fell on the older man. His brow was creased with concern as he spoke. "Course I can't fault ya for that. Do anything to make sure my Ida don't die."

Sully felt the pang that assaulted John. He, too, was concerned. Losing Ida would be hard on him but perhaps even harder on Michaela. In addition, he could not chase away the thought of what being here in Maryland might do to Michaela. He knew she loathed Boston with its uptight rules and social practices. Colorado provided her solace from these expected customs but so did Maryland. If Ida died, would she want to stay here? Would she ask Sully to give up the Cheyenne and Colorado? Could he? A cry from the starboard side broke his silent mediation as Brian ran back to where he stood.

"Did ya see that Sully? I ain't ever seen a bird like that!" His excitement was palpable and Sully couldn't resist ruffling his hair as he hunched down to be on the same level as Brian.

"It's a type of egret. You've seen his cousin before but this one here's a water bird." As he was explaining, Matthew joined them.

"Sully, you think I can learn to sail?"

Before Sully had time to even consider the question, Brian chimed in with enthusiasm. "Me too, I want to sail too, Sully. Can I?"

"Babies can't sail Brian," Matthew blurted out looking scornfully at his younger brother.

"I ain't a baby," Brian protested.

"Are too," Matthew retorted as their words ping ponged back and forth.

Sully sighed loudly and stood. The horizon was changing now and a slow smile spread across his face. Ignoring the boys who were still arguing, he moved forward. "Michaela," he whispered. John pulled at the sails as they moved into the neck off the river, the pier now in sight. "I'm coming." Then instinctively, he began the work to bring them safely to the small pier, hushing the boys as he moved into position.

Even from here, he could see the two people on the pier, huddled close together it appeared. He smiled and laughed as an old jealousy crept up and was quickly carried back into the recesses of his memory. They were rather close when the two figures finally turned and he could finally pick out his beloved. She waved furiously as if each pass of her hand would shorten the distance. As they came close, he tossed the lead rope to William and started to help John finish tethering the sails. The children were starboard already, anxious to see the women who they now regarded as mother.

As William lifted Brian down, he jumped into Michaela's arms hugging her tightly around the neck and kicking his small legs against her with happiness. "Ma I got to ride on a boat." His eyes were large as he spoke communicating the depth of his excitement. "And Sully said I could learn to sail."

"Did he?" Michaela cast a suspicious eye toward her fiancé who was securing the lead line. Sully quickly shook his head to keep himself in Michaela's good graces. He was no fool in that regard.

"Can I?" Brian was already asking having missed Sully's answer.

"We'll talk about that later," Michaela replied as she set Brian down. "Now be careful on the pier, Brian." She watched as he ran the length, ignoring her warning. Michaela didn't chastise him though because she had glimpsed Colleen who still looked a little green. "Oh my – sea sick?"

Colleen nodded weakly. "I don't feel well."

Michaela hugged her daughter. "Go up onto the porch. You'll feel better directly." As she turned to greet Matthew, she caught Sully's eye. Having finished his work, he perched precariously on the side of the boat. William's words from earlier rang through her with each beat of her heat… the waiting was now worse than ever. Yet she did not give into the urge but hugged Matthew as she greeted him. She was glad her oldest hated to be fussed over and he quickly joined his brother on the shore where William was already entertaining him.

Sully jumped from the side of the boat walking towards her with a secretive smile on his face. "Outta my sight for a few days and already wearing another man's coat."

"Sully," Michaela chided as she blushed.

"How is she?" His gaze passed to the house as he moved towards her.

"Stubborn as always. Wouldn't let us operate until she'd seen you."

"Well, I'm here." Sully moved closer to her and opened his arms.

Crashing against him, Michaela couldn't resist smiling. "I'm so glad. I thought of waiting…"

Sully interrupted her. "I'm glad ya didn't. Hope ya don't mind that I came."

"Oh Sully…" Michaela could find no words to express how she felt but simply allowed herself to be pulled close as the two walked up the wooden planks towards the house.

* * *

**Boston – March 18, 1866**

"What were the presenting symptoms?"

The intern looked flustered as he quickly glanced at the chart before him. Nervously, he flipped the page. "Stomach pains and vomiting," he quickly replied shirking from the older doctor's gaze.

"Fever?" Joseph asked, his gaze never wavering.

"Yes," the intern nodded.

"What treatment do you recommend?" The barrage of questions continued unmercifully.

"Umm… uh…. Quinine?"

"Are you asking or telling me?" The older man shook his head, displeasure obvious on his face. "I wonder sometimes about the quality of doctors Harvard is producing." Taking the chart from the young man, Joseph made some notations. "I am assuming you can follow simple written directions."

"Yes, sir," the intern replied keeping his eyes lowered to avoid the look of disappointment. He hated it when the lead doctors were condescending but he had little recourse. To his surprise, Dr. Quinn said no more but simply turned and began to walk away. This was odd as it was time for rounds. He wasn't about to remind the doctor now, fearing more harsh words.

Rounding the corner, Joseph stopped and pressed his body up against the corridor wall. As he massaged his temples, he closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool surface seeking comfort from the throbbing in his head. For a week now he'd been troubled by the same headache resorting to morphine twice to dull the blinding pain. Fumbling in his pocket, he pulled out the small paper containing the powders. Without water he dumped the contents into his mouth grimacing at the bitter taste.

The noise of the interns waiting in the hall for their lead doctors stirred him and he tottered forward unsteadily as the room spun. One hand groped for the wall wildly as he cursed the young doctors and their silly mistakes. He was too old for this nonsense, he told himself. He would remove his name from the rounds list, concentrate on his private practice. Briefly he thought of his daughter. She should be here with him, practicing with him. Instead, he had to deal with this incompetent bunch. With his hands, he pressed down his shirt and stood fully erect. What a waste of her life. Sully… the very name made the pain in his head surge and he had to remind himself to calm down. Anger or irritation only made the pain in his head worse.

Putting on a serious expression, he moved back towards the main hall readying his self for rounds. The doctor did not know the extent of his headaches. He had no idea that soon he would be a patient in this very hospital, being seen by these same young doctors that he now disdained.

* * *

More to come….


	148. Chapter 148

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 148**

**Cambridge, Maryland – March 19, 1866**

Reaching behind her, Michaela pulled on the strings of her apron to free herself from the bloodied garment. She lifted her hands to pull the apron strap over her head and place it in the laundry basket with William's. The muscles in her neck protested and her first thought was of Sully's magical hands. She giggled lightly to herself but William heard her.

"I am pleased as well with how everything went," he said returning the smile on her face. Michaela felt her cheeks blush and hoped that the fading light in the afternoon sky made it hard to see. "Knowing Ida, she'll be up and about in no time."

Michaela nodded. "I just hope we have no further complications – infection or additionally tumors that we may have missed."

"You worry too much. We were very thorough." He placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Go out and send John in. You know he is dying to see her. And then you rest." Michaela started to protest but William cut her off. "Listen, I'm not going to be here after tomorrow and you'll have to do this all yourself. Take advantage of my presence."

Knowing any further discussion would be futile, she simply smiled and said, "Thank you." William patted her dismissively but Michaela did not leave quite yet. Once more she went to Ida who appeared to be asleep. "Heal well," she whispered covering Ida's hand with her own. To her surprise, Ida stirred.

"Listen to 'im, child, go rest," she said through a weak smile. "I'm gonna be fine."

"Ida, you need to rest," Michaela chastised.

"After I see John." There was longing in her voice and Michaela easily recognized it.

"I will get him," Michaela assured her as she removed her hand. Letting Ida's eagerness become her own, she hastily crossed the room to the door. Before the surgery, Sully had moved the bench in the anteroom downstairs up to the hall creating a makeshift waiting room. Michaela was not surprised to see that other chairs had been added over the day. The faces that greeted her when she opened the door where various shades of color, some familiar, and others completely foreign.

John stood quickly, his face taut with tension. "How is she?"

"She's resting and is very anxious to see you." She took John's hand in her own as she spoke.

John stumbled over his words, wanting to know the prognosis but unsure how to ask. "The tumor?"

Michaela reddened realizing she had not shared the most encouraging news. "The tumor was actually inside the uterus. It was a large tumor and I believe that its sheer size was causing the bleeding. We removed the uterus and ovaries. William and I both believe that Ida will recover quite nicely."

The words made John smile but it was Sully who spoke. "Ya better get in there John. In another day or two, ya won't be able to get a word in edgewise again."

Everyone chuckled including John. "Michaela, I ain't got no words to tell ya how thankful I am." He began to tear up as he spoke.

"No words are necessary John. She's always been like a mother to me. I would do anything for you and Ida." John let go of her hand to pull her into a tight hug. Michaela felt the moisture on her own cheeks as she hugged him back. "Go in there," she said as she pulled away. "I don't want her mad at me when she gets over this." More laughter followed as John entered the room.

* * *

The house was finally empty and everyone was in bed except for Sully and Michaela. Sully leaned against the counter eating the last biscuit left over from breakfast that morning. Honey dripped off the edge and he licked his fingers clean as he swallowed the final bite. He watched the steam rising from the kettle and decided that the water was warm enough to make Michaela's tea.

Thinking back over the day, he dropped the tea ball into the water watching the brown clouds begin to emerge. It seemed as if this morning was a lifetime ago so much had happened. It had become obvious only fifteen minutes after the operation began that the children were not going to sit patiently waiting for its conclusion. Michaela didn't want them outside on their own for some reason and so Sully had obliged her. As others had arrived to sit with John, Sully decided to take the children into town to get them out of everyone's hair. Honestly, the trip had calmed his nerves as well.

He had to admit- being in Cambridge had been good for him. This place had been a large part of their childhood. So much had occurred on these grounds and inside these walls. Sully had feared that those memories would cloud his mind but rather the opposite had occurred. Every thought and every moment spent with Michaela here only made this time sweeter. While he loved Colorado, he loved the fact that there were no eyes watching their every move here. They could simply be themselves as always.

He pulled the tea ball up satisfied with the color of the liquid and added a teaspoon of honey. The thought of Michaela made him smile and he silently thanked God for the warm night as he started towards the porch.

Michaela was enjoying the warm night when the screen door opened and Sully stepped out onto the porch carrying the tea. Michaela had situated herself on the swing at the far end of the porch anticipating this moment. Sully smiled as he joined her.

"Here ya go. Not as good as Ida's I'm sure, but it'll do." Michaela accepted her cup and motioned for Sully to join her.

"I'm so relieved she's alright."

"Me too. I know she's glad ya came."

"How could I not? I knew none of the doctors here were going to help her."

"John's real grateful too, Michaela. Ya saved her life." Sully took her hand in his.

Michaela smiled at him. "Thank you for coming. I know what a big step that was for you."

Sully smiled. "Maybe not so big a step. I never thought I'd see this place again." He breathed in deeply taking in the shadows from the front yard. The full moon made the yard bright and Sully couldn't help but smile. "Real glad I got to." Michaela sighed contentedly as she took a sip of her tea her eyes remaining on Sully's face.

Sully reached into his pocket and pulled out a small package. "I got ya somethin' in town today," he said handing it to her.

Michaela smiled as she opened it to find a silver barrette set with brilliant pearls. "Oh, Sully," Michaela exclaimed in surprise. "You didn't have to."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. 'Sides I made ya a promise that I was gonna get ya a real one some day. Can't go breakin' my promises." The smile started in his eyes and spread downward as Michaela blushed.

"That was the day I became a woman," she rolled her eyes as she said it. Sully chuckled. "Sometimes it amazes me how much you know about me."

Sully placed his finger on her lips. "Shh, there's something I have been itchin' to do ever since we got here." Michaela looked at him quizzically as he stood and held out his hand to her. She took it and followed as he led her off the porch. The moon's brightness washed over them while a cool breeze settled over the yard. Michaela shivered a little as Sully stopped on the lawn. The stars twinkled down at them and the river sang its sweet melody as crickets began to chirp. "Perfect," Sully said.

"Sully what are we doing?" Michaela asked.

Sully didn't respond except to pull her close. His hands wrapped around her waist as she brought her hands up to his neck. He leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips. Slowly he pulled away but Michaela pushed him back down to meet her lips again. This time the kiss grew heated as Michaela surprised Sully by darting her tongue out to meet his lips. Opening his mouth to her, he melted as her tongue found his. Michaela's knees felt weak and she pressed in closer to Sully to keep her balance. Sully gasped into her mouth as he felt her movement. He pulled back trying to calm his body's reaction. As Sully stepped back, Michaela wrapped her arms around his torso and laid her head against his chest.

"Have you been eating honey?"

Sully laughed. "Had the last biscuit with some honey on it." He could not see her face but he knew she was smiling. "Michaela," he whispered resting his head against hers. "Promise me things will never change between us again."

"Never," she whispered.

* * *

**Boston, Massachusetts- March 20, 1866**

Elizabeth heard the front door open and glanced over at the clock thinking it must be later than she realized. Yet the hands stood quite firmly at quarter of ten. She could hear a murmur of voices from the hall and felt certain Josef's was one of them. With a furrowed brow, she rose and crossed to the door. It was too early for him to be home for lunch. Perhaps something was wrong. Josef was on the staircase by the time she reached the hall.

"Josef?" He looked down, waving her off dismissively. "Why are you home?"

"Not feeling well," he answered weakly wanting nothing more than to lie down at this moment.

Elizabeth frowned. "Why don't you have Dr. Watson examine you? You haven't been feeling well all week."

Josef turned now half way up the stairs. "Elizabeth, please. Don't you think that I would know when something is wrong? I'm just feeling a little under the weather – not been sleeping well. Besides things were slow at the hospital." He could tell from the look on her face that Elizabeth was not buying this last line.

"Perhaps you should think about slowing down a bit Josef. You aren't a young man anymore." Elizabeth spoke out of concern but knew instantly that her words angered Josef.

"Mind your own business women," he said with disdain. "I'll decide when it's time for me to slow down. I will not let you or any of those precocious little upstarts at the hospital tell me when I need to stop being a doctor." He turned his back on her and stomped the rest of the way up the stairs. His head was throbbing and his angry outburst had not helped matters. Josef stumbled down the hall resting his head against the cool wood of the door before he entered. He didn't bother to disrobe as he sat down on the edge of the bed. There were only two thoughts in his mind- morphine and sleep.

* * *

**Cambridge, Massachusetts – March 21, 1866**

A flash of lightening split the night illuminating the fat rain drops on her windowpane. The blackness returned oppressively as Michaela pushed the covers to the side and sat up in her bed. Vision of the nightmare she had awoken from swam before her eyes and she swallowed hard against the terror she felt in her chest. With each deep breath, she managed to calm her nervous thoughts until she felt brave enough to venture out of the bed. A crack of thunder startled her as she stepped out into the hall, her eyes catching on the silhouette of someone standing on the balcony in the rain. The form was familiar, the stance that of the man she loved. Carefully she navigated the hallway somehow remembering the creaky boards from her childhood. As she pushed open the glass French doors, she thought better of going out in only her nightclothes but Sully was already turning towards her.

"'Chalela? What are you doing out of bed at this hour?"

"I could ask you the same question," she replied leaning back against the door jamb. Sully regarded her night clothes with a wary eye and shook his head. "I had a nightmare."

Sully said nothing but moved closer. "Ya wanna talk about it?" Michaela nodded and turned as Sully joined her just inside the doors. Sully's bare wet chest caught her eye and she swallowed hard. Sully's eyes caught her own and she turned quickly pretending to watch the lightening jumping from cloud to cloud across the night sky. "We can move inside so ya don't get wet," he suggested.

Michaela shook her head, feeling the heat on her cheeks. She moved towards him putting one hand on his bare shoulder. "Let's stay here," she muttered shyly as she covered his lips with hers. Sully couldn't remember the last time she'd been quite this bold but he didn't fight it. Rather he pulled her against himself, dampening the front of her nightgown as their lips met again and again. As she pulled back slightly, he ran a finger down the side of her cheek, tracing the outline of her lips.

"So soft," he whispered in muted tones. "So beautiful." His breath was sweet and warm, making Michaela shiver with a sense of longing. "Tell me about this nightmare." His words were soft but insistent and Michaela felt compelled to share with him.

"Everything was black as if there was a fine layer of soot on the house and everything inside of it." She stopped reliving the dream in her mind as she tried to remember the details. "I was searching for something and I couldn't find it. I ran and shouted but nobody was here to help me look and I never seemed to get any closer." She paused realizing the next sequence had occurred right in this very location.

"You okay?" Sully was worried about her and the fact that she was trembling didn't ease his mind.

Michaela nodded. "I was standing here and I could see you down below with the children. You were all dressed in black and then…." She hesitated here as the dream came rushing vividly back once more.

Sully stroked her back slowly letting his palm setting against her shoulder. "What is it Michaela?"

"My father… he was here with me. Upstairs with me. I didn't know what to say to him so I tried to hug him but he simply pushed me away. He said…. He said I was dead to him. That he had no daughter named Michaela." Her words tumbled out quickly as if she was trying to free herself from them. "I went after him – I wanted to explain to make him understand. There was nothing to say though – nothing I could do. And then I went back to call for you to help me but you were gone…. I was alone…."

The words stuck in her throat and she grew silent for fear of continuing. The raw emotion still clung to her as Michaela swallowed hard against the tears she refused to let fall.

"Shh," Sully whispered against her ear pulling her close again. "Ain't never gonna leave ya – ya know that." He felt Michaela nod against his chest. "It's being here. Only natural that ya'd think about your family."

Michaela looked up at him skeptically. "The Cheyenne believe dreams have meanings."

"Interpretations," Sully corrected her, purposefully ignoring the fact that he'd brushed her dream away so casually. They both fell silent now, watching the fat rain drops fall onto the balcony railing from the trees above.

Quietly and without looking at him, Michaela posed the next question, "What do you think Cloud Dancing would say about my dream?"

Sully sighed loudly and leaned his head back against the swing. "Ya said everything was black, right?"

"Yes." Michaela sat up, her eyes keenly focused now.

"Black is about the unknown – you fear what you do not know." Sully looked at her and gave a shrug of his shoulders but he could tell her mind was working.

"No, that's not it." Her words held such confidence that Sully knew better than to argue. "Something's going to happen Sully. Something big."

* * *

_I have a New Year's resolution to actually finish this story. I have worked on my timeline all week and today wrote this chapter….. I hope to present another one next weekend at the latest. I think I can… I think I can…. ;-)_


	149. Chapter 149

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 149**

**Cambridge, Maryland - April 5, 1866**

Ida lay flat on the bed as Michaela brought the oil lamp closer. A few days before Michaela had been worried about the redness and slow healing of the incision. Ida had initially dismissed Michaela's worry. She felt stronger everyday and in her mind that meant she was healing well.

Yet now with Michaela peeling the dressing away from the incision, she felt nervous. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as she felt the final bandage being removed. With a carefully trained eye, Michaela closely examined the row of black stitches and the skin underneath. She brought the light closer, worrying Ida even more. She could feel Michaela's slender fingers working over the area and she tried to relax her muscles so as not to show her worry.

"Am I hurting you?" Michaela asked hearing a sharp intake of breath.

"No. How's it lookin'?"

Michaela moved back brining the oil lamp with her. "It looks wonderful. You are healing very nicely. I think I'm even going to be able to remove the stitches in a few days."

"No infection?" Ida asked, her worries still not soothed.

"No infection," Michaela assured her. Ida breathed a sigh of relief, finally allowing herself to relax. "Ida I told you not to worry."

"Kinda hard when ya got the doctor worryin' over ya every second."

"Ida I told you it was your job to heal and my job to worry." They both laughed but Ida stopped when she felt the pulling near her incision. "Are you alright?" Michaela asked. "Is it still tender?"

"Nah – just stiff. Sure would be nice to get outta this bed." Her face was serious but Michaela could see the smile in her eyes.

"Ida, we've been through this. You are not going to be able to go back to regular activities for awhile. This was a serious operation. You need to take it easy."

"I ain't gonna go bake a pie. I just wanna get out of this room. I'm goin' crazy in here." Ida met Michaela's gaze and the smile was gone from her eyes. Michaela sighed loudly and shook her head as she started to redress the incision. With Michaela's help, Ida repositioned herself so they could wrap it and then eased herself back down onto the pillows.

"I'll make you a deal. If things look as well tomorrow, then I will allow you a short visit downstairs if John and Sully help to get you down there." Ida started to smile. "But only if things look as good as they do today."

Ida nodded very hopefully. "It ain't just me I'm worried about." Michaela looked at her questioningly. "Sully and the chil'ren been out on the river, enjoyin' themselves and you been cooped up in the house for too long. I don't need a babysitter."

"So if I go out and enjoy myself," Michaela rolled her eyes as she spoke, "You'll be a good patient and stay put."

"Am I not a good patient now?" Ida was smiling, knowing that she had Michaela right where she wanted her.

"Perhaps when John gets back." There was a knock at the door as she spoke and Michaela rose to open it and find a couple of the women from town.

"Hope ya don't mind that we let ourselves in doc," Nettie said. Nettie has been coming over to cook dinner for the family each day. It was something that Ida had arranged before the surgery.

"Of course not, Mrs. Nettie." Michaela stepped aside to let the women enter. "Besides Ida has just informed me that she is tired of seeing my face so I am sure she is quite relieved that you all are here." There was an amused look on Michaela's face as she spoke. "I'll be right downstairs if I'm needed."

"Go on woman," Ida said waving her out the door. "And try to have some fun."

Michaela closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. Obviously the house was empty if the visitors had let themselves in. That probably meant everyone was out on the boat again. She wandered over to the balcony doors and opened them to step out into the bright sunshine. The air blowing up from the river was warm for such an early spring day. Michaela had to admit it felt good to be out in the fresh air. Scanning the yard for any signs of life, she spotted Sully's form down on the pier and smiled to herself. In a way, it was as if nothing had changed. Sure they were much older but the freedom that Michaela had always found here was still very present. Her feelings for Sully certainly had not changed, if anything they were much deeper now.

With lightness in her step, she descended the stairs and made her way quickly outside and down to the pier. Sully was seated, his feet dangling off the side as he skipped stones across the slow moving water. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"Hey," she said somewhat shyly. "Can I join you?" Sully's face lit up as he turned his head to look up at her. He offered her his hand and she took it as she sat down beside him. "Ida kicked me out."

"'Bout time," he smirked.

"Am I that bad?"

"Nah," Sully smiled as he spoke. "But I gotta give ya a hard time."

"Where are the children?"

"John took them out on the boat. Left about an hour ago."

"You didn't join them?"

"I was kinda waitin' for you. Hopin' Ida was gonna kick you out."

Michaela laughed. "How come I feel like I've been set up?"

"No set up, I promise. But I ain't gotten to see ya much since we been here. Can't say I ain't been wishin' we had some more free time together. This place brings back so many memories."

Sully squeezed her hand as he spoke, letting his eyes roam over the yard and then back to the river.

"It does," Michaela agreed. The wind changed direction and an awkward silence settled between them.

Sully knew that if they sat still for too long, Michaela would find work to do. "Do you wanna go sailin'?" he asked suddenly.

Michaela regarded him warily. "John's out with the children on the boat."

"There's the little sail boat." Sully grinned mischievously, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"That boat is tiny…. I'll practically have to sit in your lap."

"Exactly," he said with a wicked grin. "The sail boat is a great place to make up."

"But we haven't fought," she giggled.

He stood and pulled her up beside him, wrapping his arms around her. Leaning close he whispered in her ear, "Remember that afternoon… it stormed…"

Michaela involuntarily shivered and swallowed hard as she nodded. She knew that was the farthest they had ever let things go between them. Even now that they were much older and engaged again things hadn't gotten that heated, she hadn't let them. She pushed away from him. "Take your hands off me," she exclaimed.

Sully moved back, shocked by her words. His mouth was slightly open as he wondered why she had reacted so strongly. "Michaela we don't have ta … I just …I…" He stumbled over his words, berating himself privately for even suggesting sailing.

Michaela turned back to him and shook her head. "I'm trying to pick a fight," she laughed. Sully narrowed his eyes. "So we can make up."

Sully pulled her close to him once again, his mouth resting close to her ear. "I'll get the boat," he breathed out.

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

**Boston, Massachusetts – April 10, 1866**

Perhaps it was fate that Josef refused to slow down. After all if he'd given into the pain, he would not have been at the hospital when the attack happened. Josef actually believed he was on the mend as he'd felt much better the last few days. Just this morning he had been laughing with a couple of interns, something that had not occurred in weeks. Mid afternoon found him seated at his desk catching up on some patient's charts before the afternoon rounds.

Emily stopped just outside of her grandfather's office straightening her dress and steeling her nerves. Ever since visiting Michaela in Colorado she had wanted to confront her grandfather. In her heart, she believed that she could make him see reason. She knew that he loved Michaela deeply but that somewhere along the way things had gotten off track. It pained Emily to know that Michaela was forced to choose between Josef and Sully. Emily felt compelled to try to bring peace to this painful situation.

Emily knew her grandfather and she knew now was not a time for indecision. With a final burst of confidence she squared her shoulders and knocked loudly on her grandfather's door.

"Come in," Josef sang out. The deep tenure of his voice struck a chord inside of her and she tried to remember him as the gentle giant from her childhood. With one fluid motion she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Granda," she greeted him warmly. "Do you have a moment for me?"

Josef was not proud of his actions on Thanksgiving Day and he wanted things to be good with Emily even though he thought she was making bad decisions for her future. "I always have time for one of my grandchildren." He stood as he spoke opening his arms to her. Emily took this as a good sign and stepped into his hug. This had to be a good omen, she thought to herself. "So what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Her knees felt like jelly suddenly and she decided it would be a good idea for her to sit. Confidence she reminded herself as she took the chair across from Josef.

"What about?" His face was warm, his smile contagious.

Emily relaxed. "About Michaela." The name was barely out of her mouth when the muscles in her grandfather's jaw tightened.

"Emily, please, there are some things that you don't need to concern yourself with."

"Granda, just hear me out." She pushed herself forward in her chair, placing both hands solidly on Josef's desk. "You're miserable. I know you miss her and I know she misses you. If you could just…"

Josef cut her off. "You know nothing Emily. I don't want to tarnish your view of Michaela but she is not the saint you seem to think she is. She lied to me, she lied to her mother. She dishonored this family with her choices."

Emily felt her anger surge. "What choice did you leave her? You made her hide. She only wanted your approval but you made her choose."

As Emily spoke, Josef felt the blinding pain building just behind his eyes. He raised a hand to massage his temples. "Emily," he began, his voice faltering. "Leave the past in the past."

"But she's your daughter!"

"She is not my daughter." Josef stood now. He jabbed his finger into Emily's chest. "You have no right….." He blinked his eyes rapidly, blackness swimming in front of him. He began again, "You have no right…." Blindly he grasped out for Emily who stepped out of his reach, worried that he might be going to assault her again. Josef stumbled forward, grasping his head and moaning in pain. "Emily?" His voice was weak, reaching.

"Granda!" She reached out for him as he began to fall, unable to stop him. She dropped down beside him, checking for any breathing sounds.

"Emily…" he tried again. "In my desk…" Josef never finished his statement, letting the pain pull him under.

"Granda!" she cried again as she shook his shoulders. She felt helpless suddenly. This wasn't any patient in front of her – this was her grandfather. "Help!" she cried, "Somebody please help me!"

* * *

**Cambridge, Maryland – April 11, 1866 **

Michaela watched from the porch as the children played with Sully in the yard. Now that Ida was on the mend, they would have to be getting back to Colorado soon. In a way she was ready to return to the place she now thought of as home but there was also a sadness to leave this place behind. The children loved it here as well. Sully and John had taken them out on the boat several times and had even showed Matthew how to sail. Brian loved the fact that you could fish right off of the pier in front of the house and he spent many afternoons perched right in that spot. Michaela heard the footsteps before she saw the door open and she turned expectantly wondering who was coming to join them. John couldn't be back from town already.

"Michaela," called John's voice as he opened the screen door.

"John, that was fast," Michaela said regarding him quizzically.

"I didn't make it to town. I met a messenger on the way. He had a telegram for ya, said it was urgent." He reached over and handed her the piece of paper. Michaela froze, her heart beating out an uneven rhythm in her chest. Time seemed to move in slow motion as her hands fumbled with the paper. Her throat was dry, her tongue sticking to the rough of her mouth as she began to read.

Sully watched the activity on the porch from the yard and quickly he slipped away from the children to find out what was going on. As he approached the porch he saw the ashen color of Michaela's face. "Michaela, what's wrong?" Michaela looked up with tears in her eyes. The children had now noticed Sully's absence and they made their way to the porch as well. "Michaela?" Sully said again, the worry obvious in his voice. Michaela held the telegram out to Sully as she found words suddenly impossible.

Sully read the telegram to himself quickly and then out loud so that everyone else would know what was happening. "Michaela, Father has suffered a stroke. Please come at once. Your loving sister, Rebecca."

Silence gripped the small group as Sully quickly made his way to Michaela's side. He wrapped one arm around her, watching the first tear slip down her cheek. Brian ran to her as well, climbing up beside her on the swing and laying his head against her shoulder. Seeing the woman he now regarded as his ma crying made tears form in his own eyes.

"Ma, are we going to Boston?" Colleen asked timidly as she leaned closer to Matthew.

Michaela looked up at Sully and sighed heavily. "I will go. You can head back to Colorado Springs with Sully."

"No, I want to stay with ya," Brian cried gripping her tightly about the neck.

"Michaela, I'm not going to make you go to Boston by yourself," Sully said seeing the hurt and need in her eyes.

"You'll come?" she asked.

"Of course I'll come," Sully assured her kissing her forehead as he pulled her even closer.

* * *

_And another one…. Hope I can keep this up!_


	150. Chapter 150

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 150**

The calm cool confidence that Sully had exuded since they had received the telegram was slowly ebbing away and Michaela knew it had everything to do with their impending arrival in Boston. She, too, was feeling the pressure of the situation but felt unable to talk about it. There were many things to say, yet so much that could easily be misunderstood. She couldn't risk any misunderstandings between the two of them. To add to the frayed nerves, the children had awoken just outside of New York full of questions.

"Can we go fishin' like in Cambridge?" Brian asked.

"No, Brian we won't have an opportunity to go fishing," Michaela replied absentmindedly her eyes trying to read Sully's vacant expression.

"Why not? Ain't they got any rivers in Boston?"

"Don't they have," Michaela corrected.

"That's what I said."

Michaela sighed loudly, raising a hand to massage her temples. "Listen, things in Boston are much different, much more formal."

"Does that mean we gotta wear Sunday clothes?" Matthew asked already making a face.

"Yes, there will be times when you need to wear your good clothes."

"Do you think I can get a new dress?" Colleen chimed in. "And a hat like yours Dr. Mike?"

"We'll see Colleen."

"Does Sully got to wear Sunday clothes, too?" Brian asked.

"Does Sully have to wear," Michaela said exasperated clenching her fists at her side.

It was Matthew's turn to chime in. "Well does he?"

Michaela met Sully's gaze. He seemed to be waiting for an answer from her just like Brian. She exhaled slowly letting the internal battle wage within her. She wasn't about to tell Sully what he had to wear but she couldn't help but look at his buckskins through Boston's eyes. "Sully can wear what he wishes," she replied meekly.

Matthew screwed up his face. "Then why do we have to wear Sunday clothes?"

Michaela looked at Sully helplessly. She didn't have an answer and to be honest part of her wished Sully would simply wear something appropriate for Boston. It would be one less battle she would have to fight. He met her gaze firmly and gave a gentle shake of his head which Michaela had a hard time interpreting. "I'll make you guys a deal," he said looking at the children. If you all can be quiet until we pull into New York, I'll take ya to see the city while we are in the station."

"Really, Sully?" "Will we have time?" "Can we go to a museum?" The questions came in rapid succession each child speaking over the other.

"If ya can be quiet!" For the children time could not move fast enough with their new adventure before them. For Michaela and Sully, time would not slow down. It seemed only a few moments before the whistle sounded announcing their arrival in New York. It would not be a long time in station but it would be enough for the children to stretch their legs. They were all standing the minute the train came to a stop.

Sully looked over at Michaela. "Ya comin'?"

"Do you mind if I stay?" The thought of a few moments alone to clear her head sounded heavenly.

"You should stay. Try to get some rest." He reached over and gave her hand a quick squeeze before standing.

"I'll try," she promised.

The silence was welcome . Michaela found herself staring out the train window at nothing in particular. Her heart continued to beat out the same uneven rhythm as when she had first read the telegram from Rebecca. While she was grateful for Sully's presence and the distraction that the children provided, their presence was a source of stress.

Boston was a cruel place. That was what the past had taught her. The acceptance that Sully and the children found in Maryland would not be readily available in Boston. While she knew Rebecca would greet them with open arms, she wasn't sure how well received they would be by anyone else. Marjorie was always a wild card and her other sisters could be very unkind. She worried about the children and Sully. She couldn't help but to think that their presence in Boston would be a mistake.

One other nagging thought plagued her – having to see David again. Her hasty exit from Boston would not be easily forgotten by him or others. She looked down at the engagement ring on her hand and breathed in deeply. How would David react to this news? And how would Sully react to David?

She laid her head back against the train cushion and tried to relax. What was she going to do? If she sent Sully away would he feel as if she was rejecting him again? Could he be made to see that this was for the best? Suddenly, she felt tired as if she hadn't slept in weeks. The thought of sleep was appealing and she closed her eyes letting the blackness to take her for the present. She wasn't even aware that she'd fallen asleep until the door to their compartment opened and Sully entered. The children filed in behind him talking excitedly.

"Ma, New York is bigger than Denver or Baltimore," Brian began.

"It sure is," she said trying to put on a smile.

"You been here before too, Ma?" Brian climbed up on the train seat beside her as he spoke.

Michaela looked up at Sully assuming he had told Brian that he'd been to New York. Their eyes met and thoughts of their brief time here as children made her blush. "I have," she said her voice barely a whisper.

"Is Boston this big?'

"Boston is not as big as New York," Michaela started. "But it is big – just different."

Sully rolled his eyes. "Ya can say that again."

Michaela could feel the muscles in her neck tighten and she swallowed hard against the tears she felt welling up inside of her. "Sully could I speak to you outside for a moment." He looked at her questioningly and nodded, already reaching for the compartment handle.

She walked out past him and did not turn until she heard the click telling her the compartment was closed. "Sully, I don't know how to say this…" Her eyes met his and she could see the suspicious look there.

"Just say it, Michaela."

She took a deep breath and let the words tumble out quickly. "I think you and the children should go back to Colorado."

Sully studied her for a moment. "Why?"

The word was cutting and Michaela could feel the heat on her cheeks.. "I don't know how long things will take," she began, biting her lip anxiously as she paused. "And Boston… Sully you know what it's like there." She dropped her head feeling the stress of the situation anew. It felt as if she were drowning with no help in sight.

Sully moved to stand next to her closing in until her shoulder pressed against his chest. He dropped his head to rest against hers. "'Chalea," he breathed out stirring her hair as he spoke. "We ain't children anymore."

"They are," she cried out, indicating the compartment adjacent to them. "They don't deserve to be dragged into this."

"Shh," he whispered, raising a hand to stroke her cheek.

"I don't want anything to come between us Sully. I don't trust my family."

Sully raised his head considering her words carefully. "Ya don't trust 'em or you don't trust yourself?"

The words found their mark. A deep sadness and a hot rage fought for control of her at that moment. "Do you trust me?" she shot back, the rage controlling her for a moment.

"Look at me," he said placing a finger under her chin and turning her face up toward his. There was no anger in his eyes and Michaela worried she may have misjudged his last comment. "I trust you, Michaela. I know you don't want to lose what we have ever again. But I know what Boston's like and I know what effect your family has on you." He studied her carefully as he made his next statement. "I don't know what shape Josef will be in when we get there but I don't see this as a turning point. He's going to make you choose all over again."

"Oh Sully." She turned to him as she spoke wanting to quell the worry in his voice. "I'll choose you – I'll always choose you. It's just that I don't know what I'm going to face in Boston.

"What we will face in Boston," Sully corrected. "You ain't doin' any of this alone."

For the first time since she read the telegram a sense of peace washed over her. She couldn't worry about clothing or speech. She couldn't expect that a life or death experience might change anything. She was going to try once more and then it would be over, once and for all. "We," she repeated stroking his hand. He was right - she wasn't doing any of this alone.

* * *

**Boston, Massachusetts**

"I thought Brian and Matthew could sleep in Sully's old room," Elizabeth said as she led the group up the stairs.

"Sully's old room? Matthew asked, his face twisted up in confusion.

Sully looked over at Michaela. They hadn't even thought about explaining things to the children before they arrived. He saw the worry in her face and he reached over to squeeze her shoulder. "That would be nice," Sully said to Elizabeth ignoring Matthew's statement for the moment. When Matthew turned his face up to Sully to ask again, he raised his eyebrows communicating to him to wait.

It had been so long since he had been in this house that he had once considered his home. Taking a deep breath, he continued to follow Elizabeth until she stopped in front of the door. Memories came rushing back to him now and he shuttered as the ghosts of the past descended upon him. This time it was Michaela who reassured him by slipping her hand into his and interlacing their fingers.

Elizabeth opened the door and stood back for them to enter. "I had Martha air it out," she explained looking around the room. The children quickly rushed in, anxious to see what Sully's old room looked like. Sully was more hesitant but together he and Michaela stepped inside. Things looked exactly as he had left them which was really quite surprising. "I'll show Colleen to your old room," Elizabeth said to Michaela starting for the door.

"Thanks mother but Sully and I need to talk to the children first."

"Okay," Elizabeth said giving her a small frown. "Then I'll leave you alone. Dinner will be ready in an hour. And you will want to dress as everyone will be here."

"Everyone?" Michaela panicked as she repeated the word.

"Your sisters, their husbands and children," Elizabeth said casting a strange look in her daughter's direction. Michaela simply nodded her head as Elizabeth turned to leave.

Quickly Sully stepped over and shut the door behind Elizabeth never letting go of Michaela's hand. "Ya wanna explain?" he asked. Yet before either had a chance to say one more word the children were each asking their own questions.

"Why do ya have a room here Sully?" Brian asked.

"I didn't know you lived in Boston," Colleen chimed in.

"Ya never told us before," Matthew added.

"We should have," Michaela started. "I simply didn't think about it."

"Me either," admitted Sully.

"So why did ya live here?" Matthew asked.

"Michaela's family took me in when my parents died," he began. "I lived here until I went out west when I was fourteen."

"So this is your and Ma's home," Brian said innocently.

Sully inhaled deeply trying to think of how to explain things so that the children would understand but Michaela beat him to it. "This is where I grew up and where Sully spent some time but we don't consider it home, Brian. Our home is in Colorado."

"Ya mean the new homestead that Sully's building?" Colleen asked.

Sully looked at Michaela and smiled. "Home isn't a physical place. It's where ya feel safe and loved. The only place I feel like that is here with Michaela and you three. You're my home."

* * *

The moon hung low in the night sky casting strange shadows on the tin ceiling of her old room. She wasn't sure how long she had lain here. Colleen had fallen asleep awhile ago but Michaela didn't want to move to her own bed in the adjoining room. Disaster. That was the only word she had to describe the evening. A complete disaster and Elizabeth was to blame. They had only just arrived when the Quinn family descended upon the household. Claudette looked over the children like they were cattle rather than people. Maureen had spent most of dinner whispering to her husband obviously about Michaela and Sully. Rebecca and Emily had been the one bright spot in the evening. Michaela had hoped Marjorie would have been there as well but with two sick children she had been unable to attend. Michaela had wanted to go straight to the hospital after settling the children in but Elizabeth insisted on a family dinner. Josef was resting and there was reason to disturb him. If things hadn't been so strained between her and her father, she would have fought her mother and insisted on going to the hospital. But who was Michaela fooling – her heart just wasn't in it.

She rolled to her side restlessly. Poor Sully, she thought to herself. One of her nephews had referred to him as "that Indian," which had gotten a rise out of Matthew. Thankfully Michaela had intervened before the argument had come to blows. Sully had looked as if he wanted to leave and she knew he would have if it had not been for her. Why was she putting them through all of this? It wasn't like she was going to arrive at the hospital tomorrow to find Josef's attitude changed. Why had she bothered to come at all? She knew it was the right thing to do but why did she always have to do the right thing?

As the rage built inside of her, fear took over as well. What if Sully decided to leave? She couldn't blame him. He didn't deserve this sort of treatment at the hands of his supposed family. It would be for the best if she sent them all back to Colorado. Yet even as she considered putting the whole lot of them on the next train west, she knew she needed them too much – needed him too much.

A cloud moved over the moon blocking the light momentarily. She rolled onto her back now, closing her eyes and begging sleep to come. She was so tired but her mind would not quit thinking back over the day.

_Somewhere in the house a door opened and closed making Michaela more alert. She sat up listening closely as the footsteps passed her door, hoping that they would stop or go back. The top stair creaked and terror seized her. Whoever was up and about was headed down the stairs. Michaela had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Slowly so as not to disturb Colleen she rose and crossed the room to the door. Perhaps, she had imagined the whole thing- it was an old house, there were lots of noises. There was only one way to know. She threw open the door and stepped quickly to the banister. Her eyes would not deceive her. Michaela knew the form at the door. She watched it open and then he was gone. _

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_


	151. Chapter 151

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 151**

**Boston, Massachusetts**

"Michaela." The voice seemed far away, dream like. "Michaela." There it was again. She opened he r eyes and raised her head slightly to look around. Her mouth was dry, her cheek wet. She'd obviously been drooling.

"Michaela!" The voice was more insistent this time and she could finally place it. It was Sully. The thought of his name sent the events of last night flooding back and she sat up quickly, too quickly. Her stomach lurched and her head pounded in protest. "Sully?" she said with uncertainty.

The room was slowly coming into focus as Sully pushed the door open. "What are ya doin' sleepyhead?" He stood over the bed staring down at her with an amused look on his face that Michaela could not appreciate.

"But I saw you leave." Michaela reached up to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, still not believing what she was seeing.

Sully had a perplexed look on his face. "Are you alright?"

"You didn't leave? You didn't leave." It was a question at first being replaced with a confident assertion. She smiled widely. "Umm…." Her cheeks grew red but she was so happy she didn't care. "I had a crazy dream."

"'bout me leaving'?"

"Something like that." She shook her head. "I must have been more tired than I thought." Sully laughed and Michaela couldn't help but join in. He met her gaze holding it in his own. "What?" Michaela asked self-consciously.

"You're so beautiful in the morning." He raised a hand to stroke her cheek.

Michaela smiled demurely. "I better get dressed. We don't want a search party sent up for me."

Sully smiled and nodded in agreement. "I'll be downstairs."

It was only now that Michaela realized how bright the sun was and how late in the morning it must be. Quickly she dressed and sat down at the vanity to do her hair. She brushed it out quickly and then pulled the top back. She could just imagine the comments her hairstyle would elicit but she didn't care. Boston's rules had no pull on her anymore. Embracing her freedom she practically ran down the stairs into the dining room.

A wide smile spread over her face when she realized William and Marjorie had joined them but was short lived when she spotted Maureen and Claudette. At least there was no sign of their children. Michaela had not expected them to be present but nonetheless she drifted into the room casually, apologizing as she went, "Sorry I'm late – I was having some crazy dream."

"Perhaps you're pregnant," Claudette spat out casting accusing eyes at her sister. "I always had strange dreams in my early pregnancy." She looked from Michaela to Sully with a smirk on her face.

"Claudette," Elizabeth warned giving her daughter a knowing look.

"What? I've read about the type of women who move out west. Who knows what our sister has been up to?"

"That's enough." This time it was obvious Elizabeth meant business. Claudette didn't look happy about being silenced, pursing her lips together into a smug expression.

Michaela turned towards William, "How's father?"

"Better than anyone could have guessed." William shook his head as he spoke as if he didn't believe what he was saying. "He's lucky to be alive, honestly."

"He always was stubborn," Marjorie added making the others laugh.

"Stubborn?" William began, "When I left the hospital last night, he was sitting up in bed while one of the nurses fed him."

"That is amazing." It was now Michaela's turn to be shocked. "Neither side is affected?"

"There is some damage. The left side of his body is partially paralyzed, his speech is slurred…. But still…" Michaela nodded in agreement.

Elizabeth who had been quiet up until now spoke. "Michaela please tell me you're going to the hospital as a daughter, not a doctor. We don't need any additional drama."

Michaela turned to face her mother. "I'm not going to cause any drama. Yes, I'm here as a daughter but that doesn't negate my responsibilities as a doctor."

Acting as if she hadn't heard, Elizabeth continued on, "Now I've arranged for Emily to stay with the children Michaela, while you visit the hospital." Michaela exhaled slowly but decided against arguing. She was grateful for her mother's planning.

"Thank you," she said quietly meeting her mother's eyes.

Elizabeth nodded knowing that this was not easy on her daughter. She couldn't help but think she was making things harder on herself than necessary. It didn't matter what she thought though- that was something her daughter had made quite clear.

* * *

"Ya okay?" Michaela had barely spoken two words on the carriage ride over to the hospital and he wasn't sure if that had more to do with William's presence or her anxiety over the situation she was walking in to.

Michaela nodded. "Just a little nervous," she replied quietly not wanting anyone to hear. William walked five paces ahead of them, nodding to doctors as they passed. Michaela smiled slightly at those she knew keenly aware of the eyes that stared back at her and at her companion. What a pair the two of them must make – Sully in his buckskins and she in one of her Boston dresses. The whole situation was amusing to her and she would have enjoyed it more if she wasn't so preoccupied with seeing her father.

They stopped outside William's office while he unlocked the door. "Michaela this may have to be a very short visit depending on his reaction to seeing you." William's eyes were apologetic as he spoke. "We don't want anything to set him back."

"I understand." The butterflies in her stomach were active again making her feel as if she may be sick at any moment.

"I hate to say this but perhaps you should go alone." William glanced furtively from Sully to Michaela as he spoke, hating to insinuate that Sully was the source of controversy.

"We've considered that already," Michaela said solemnly. "We've decided that I should see him and gauge his reaction and then we will go from there."

"Well, in that case, I suppose we shouldn't wait any longer."

"No. I want to get this over with." She knew her words sounded harsh but she also knew that William and Sully understood.

Sully gave her hand one last squeeze before letting it go and Michaela turned to look at him with a watery smile. "Don't go too far," she pleaded.

"Gonna be right here." As Michaela turned to leave him, Sully said a silent prayer to the spirits asking them to give her the courage she needed for this moment. He knew she would need it.

Michaela wasn't sure how her legs carried her down the hall. Every muscle in her body felt like jelly the closer she came to her father's room. William looked back at her before opening the door. His eyes were kind and full of something akin to pity. "Are you ready?" he asked quietly.

Michaela did not trust herself to speak and simply nodded. The curtains in the room were pulled back and the room was full of sunlight. It was normally the sort of scene that would lighten Michaela's mood but not today. Her father lay in the bed looking much older than she remembered.

"Josef?" William asked quietly as he took the chair beside the patient's bed. The older man's eyes were closed but when he heard his name, he quickly opened them.

"William?" The name was slurred badly but not unrecognizable.

"I've brought someone to see you."

Michaela stepped into view, putting on a brave smile. "Father." Her voice was muted and she cursed herself for the display of weakness on her part. Josef looked confused for a moment as his eyes scanned her face. Did he not recognize her?

"Mike?" he asked in the same slurred tone. She nodded and stepped forward, vowing to be more bold from this point forward. The use of her nickname made hope burn inside of her momentarily.

"Yes, Father." Her voice was still not strong but much better than previously. "Rebecca sent a telegram and I came as soon as I heard."

"Alone?" he asked still searching her face.

Michaela paused and took a deep breath. She couldn't decide if this was simply a father concerned about his daughter traveling alone or something more. "Not alone. The children that I wrote Mother about are with me ….. and Sully."

Josef's brow furrowed at the sound of that name. "I want to rest now," he said turning his face toward the wall and closing his eyes.

"Josef?" William began, "are you feeling any pain?"

"I'm just tired," he insisted.

Michaela knew that they could stand there for the rest of the day and Josef would feign sleep. She had seen the look and knew that rejection. Tears pooled behind her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "We'll leave you then Father but I'll be back later." The old man did not reply. The sinking feeling returned. Reconciliation was not going to be an option.

"Give me a minute," William whispered as they neared the door. Michaela gave a brief nod as she stepped outside of the room letting the door close behind her. While she had known that a change in Josef's attitude was a long shot, there had been a place in her heart where she held out a small flicker of hope. With that now doused, she felt her presence here was pointless.

Michaela was unaware of anything around her and so she missed the activity at the other end of the hall.

Stepping out of a patient's room, he started down the hall only to stop abruptly. He couldn't believe his eyes. There stood Michaela at the end of the hall more beautiful than ever. His heart sped up at the sight of her. Her quick disappearance two years earlier had taken him by surprise. Not one of the Quinn's would tell him where she had gone even though he was sure they knew. None of that mattered now though is she was back. And maybe, just maybe this time he could convince her to marry him. Quickly he made his way down the hall to where she stood.

"Michaela?" he asked causing her to look up.

"David," she replied somewhat awkwardly.

"It's good to see you," he said moving to give her a hug. She allowed him to hug her but did not move her arms to embrace him.

"Yes, it's good to see you too," she said dropping her eyes to her hands. David looked down at her hands as well and spotted the ring on her left hand.

"You're engaged?" he asked with a touch of sadness.

"I am," Michaela replied as she met his eyes and saw the pain reflected there.

"I can't say I hadn't hoped," he stopped.

"I know David," Michaela said feeling very uncomfortable. She looked down the hall to see Sully walking towards them and she felt relieved.

"Can I ask who the lucky man is?"

"Here he comes now," she said allowing her eyes to follow Sully down the hall.

David turned his head to look. "But that's Sully. I thought," David started to speak but then stopped too stunned to say anything else.

Within seconds Sully was at Michaela's side wrapping his arm around her back. "Sully you remember David, don't you?" Michaela asked.

"I do. It's nice to see ya again," Sully said holding his hand out.

"And you," David managed to choke out as he took Sully's proffered hand. "You'll have to excuse me for a moment. I'm confused. I thought Sully was.." David hesitated unsure of what word to use.

"My brother," Michaela suggested with a funny little grin on her face. "Everyone assumes that because he was part of our family for a brief time." Sully smiled over at Michaela as encouragement knowing how much she dreaded conversations like these.

"Is this why you turned me down?" David asked still in shock.

"Yes," Michaela whispered shyly. "I tried to tell you David."

"But I wouldn't listen," David sighed as everything began to make sense. He smiled at Sully. "From the first day I met her she told me that she was unavailable, that she loved someone else. I didn't believe her. She was only fourteen then. At first I thought she just wanted me to leave her alone but years later when I realized she was being truthful, I believed I could make her forget about you. I see now that I was wrong." He turned back to Michaela now. "How long?" he asked.

"David," Michaela said softly, "don't."

"Please I want to know," David said. "I want to know how big of a fool I am. How long? Did you love him even when we danced at the cotillion?"

"Stop David, please," Michaela pleaded with him as she felt Sully's hand grip her shoulder.

"Tell me how long and I will," David replied.

"I've loved Sully ever since we were children," Michaela answered fearing his reaction. The last thing she needed was a science in front of her father's hospital room.

David took a deep breath and shook his head. "I am a fool," he said before turning and walking away.

* * *

_I liked writing this chapter. I like writing most of my chapters but I really enjoyed this one for some reason. Thanks for reading!_


	152. Chapter 152

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 152**

The carriage bumped along the cobblestone streets carrying Michaela and Sully back towards the house on Beacon Hill. Sully could not shake the surreal feeling of being back in Boston again. So much had occurred in the intervening time that it was hard to believe he was the same person. It was strange how each experience brought back a memory – the house, the hospital, the Charles….

He wanted to hate this place, hate what it had cost him for far too long but he couldn't. Everywhere he looked was another memory he had made with Michaela. There were a few painful memories but the majority was happy. This was where they had first discovered love, where they learned that commitment had a cost. Boston was a part of them. He gave Michaela's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Ya alright?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose. It's not like I expected anything more."

"Yeah but I know you hoped things would have gone better." Sully looked at her apologetically.

Michaela's lips curled up on the ends. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Not care what any of them think. Not let them get to you."

"Had a lot of practice," he replied, lowering his eyes. "You just gotta decide Michaela not to let 'em get to you." He let go of her hand in order to snake it around her shoulder and pull her close. "You did well ignoring them at breakfast this morning. "

Michaela smiled at his comment, feeling the heat rise on her cheeks. The carriage came to a stop as their eyes met. She took a deep breath and gave a nod of her head. "I can do this," she said drawing confidence from Sully's loving gaze.

Sully smiled. "Let's go check on the kids." He climbed out of the carriage and then raised his hand to help Michaela down. This all felt so familiar. It was only looking down at his clothes that reminded him of how much time had passed. But everything still felt so automatic- following her up the stairs, entering the front door, removing their coats…. In a way he could imagine that they had never left.

Sully was too lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Michaela had stopped abruptly as they entered the door. He bumped into her propelling Michaela forward. Thankfully, he reacted quickly grabbing her around the waist. It was only then that he realized what had made Michaela stop so quickly.

"Do you know what these children have done?" It was Claudette.

"I am assuming that whatever it is has something to do with mud." Michaela spoke as she looked the three of them up and down. Matthew and Brian were mud spattered sitting on the bottom stair with newspaper covering the floor under and around them. Colleen sat on the second step only slightly less dirty than her brothers. They all three looked like they wanted to run to Michaela but their eyes were trained on Claudette.

"Out of the graciousness of my heart, I brought Henry and John around to play with these, these, these.." She stumbled trying to think of a word that would adequately express her displeasure with Michaela's wards. "These heathens! And do you know how they repay my kindness? They throw mud on my children!" Claudette's face was bright red, her eyes looking as if they may pop out of her head at any moment.

"That ain't how it happened," Brian protested.

Claudette's eyes widened in disbelief trying her best to threaten Brian back into silence with just a look.

"You will not speak until I am finished. I will not tolerate rude children."

Ignoring her sister, Michaela stepped forward and touched the hardened dirt on her son's cheek. "What happened?" she asked in a gentle tone.

"They started it," Matthew began ignoring the murderous look that Claudette was now casting in his direction. "They kept saying that Sully was a half breed and that you were a…." Matthew's cheeks burned bright red and Michaela wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment. "…whore." His voice was barely more than a whisper. Michaela looked from her son to Colleen who had tears welling up in her eyes.

"It's true, Dr. Mike," added. "It happened just like that."

"Where is Emily?" Michaela addressed the question to her sister confused about why she'd been left alone with the children in the first place.

"When I arrived Mother asked me to stay with the children so that she could take Emily out with her. I don't know where they went." She spat the words out, her anger raging even stronger now than before. "I do hope you are planning on punishing these hooligans."

"Claudette if I need parenting advice I will ask for it." The statement was made matter of factly without any show of emotion.

"Henry, John," Claudette called out. "Come on! We are leaving!" Michaela turned to see her nephews emerge from the drawing room, freshly washed with clean clothes on and the composure she had left her.

"Sully if you would take the children upstairs and arrange for baths to be drawn." She didn't look at him as she spoke, her eyes trained on her sister. Sully did as asked though part of him wanted to stay and hear the tongue lashing Claudette was about to receive. Michaela waited patiently while her nephews collected their dirty clothes which had been wrapped in towels. The three of them were headed for the door when Michaela stepped in front of her sister. "Just a minute," she said, her eyes narrowing. She closed the door on her nephews leaving them on the front steps.

"Out of my way."

"No," Michaela began calmly, "You've had your say and now I will have mine." Claudette opened her mouth to protest but Michaela was faster. "Do you know why I left Boston Claudette?"

The question was rhetorical but Claudette saw an opportunity to get a jab in and took it. "To fornicate with that man." The way she said man made it obvious that she didn't think Sully was even worthy of being called that.

"I left Boston because of small minded people like you who teach your children hate and prejudice. Every last one of you did your best to chase Sully away making me miserable. I will not be part of the hate you breed and I will not allow my children to be subject to it." She moved out of the way of the door as she finished this last line. "Good day," she said moving quickly for the stairs. Claudette tried to mount an argument but gave up as Michaela did not turn back to face her but rather continued on up the stairs.

"Wait til I speak to mother," her sister called after her weakly but Michaela ignored it, allowing the feeling of victory to flood through her.

* * *

Michaela left Colleen to finish getting dried off and dressed after washing her hair. The story of the fight had come out slowly as Colleen soaked in the tub enjoying every moment of it. Everything began with the trading of insults. Henry was the first to pick up the mud and throw it, accusing the three of them of being pigs and living in a pig sty. Henry and John had never counted on Colleen joining in giving Brian and Matthew the advantage. Michaela couldn't help but laugh as Colleen talked about how John and Henry looked before their mother had found them. She didn't want them to think their behavior was acceptable but if she could have thrown mud at Claudette earlier she would have.

She moved down the hall to check on the boys and found them both freshly bathed. "Where's Sully?" she asked wanting to compare stories with him.

"Don't know." Matthew rolled over to look at her. "Told us to stay in here until dinner."

"Are we in trouble Ma?" Brian looked up at her, melting her heart with his big blue eyes.

"What you did wasn't right. You understand that don't you?" Both boys nodded in unison, a hopeful look on their faces. "Well if you've learned your lesson than I don't think punishment is necessary."

"Thanks Dr. Mike," Matthew said quickly a wide smile moving over his face.

"Yeah, thanks Ma." Brian jumped up from the bed and ran to hug her. Michaela had a feeling she was going to regret forgiving this so easy but she simply didn't have it in her heart to punish them.

"Please try to stay out of trouble."

"We will," Matthew readily replied. Michaela closed the door to their room and slipped back down the hall to find Sully.

Sully ran his hand over the coverlet and looked around the room that was familiar yet foreign all at the same time. The vanity stood in the same place and so did the desk but both were empty now, the only sign that the occupant of this room no longer resided here. Otherwise, things were the same – frighteningly the same. The opening of the door startled him and he turned to see her slight frame in the doorway. "What ya doin'?" she asked imitating his dialect.

"Just thinkin' about the last time I was in here."

"When was that?" she asked, a smile creeping over her face.

Sully turned slightly towards the window to hide his discomfort. "That summer night that it rained…." His voice trailed off as he was reminded of how their lack of communication had led to years of pointless separation.

Even from this angle Michaela saw the cloud that passed over his face. Quickly she pushed the door to and went to him. "That's the past," she whispered laying her hand on his shoulder to turn him towards her. Sully nodded in response but remained pensive. Sensing that he wouldn't move to look at her, Michaela moved instead. Curling her arms around his back she stepped in front of him. "I know this is hard," she continued as she laid her head against his chest. "Why don't you take the children and head back to Colorado? There's no reason for everyone to wait around here."

Sully swallowed hard as he finally looked down at her. Here was the difference, he thought to himself. The woman who stood before him was changed from the girl he remembered kissing that night in the storm. Without another thought of the past, he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I ain't leavin' ya," he assured.

"Really Sully, I'll be fine and the children are missing home…" Before she could continue, Sully silenced her with a gentle kiss.

"So much is different now," he whispered. "We're different." He shook his head, frustrated that his words weren't coming out right.

Resting her chin against his chest, she looked up at him. "Don't worry," she soothed. "We aren't like that anymore putting our physical relationship above our communication."

Though he knew it wasn't exactly appropriate, he couldn't help but laugh. "That's for sure." Michaela gave him an odd look and so he explained. "We've been so careful with the physical … until recently."

"True," Michaela replied. "I think it was for the best."

"We do seem to get distracted by that stuff," he added. "Course soon we can let it distract us."

"We keep saying soon but we haven't exactly set a date."

Sully nodded and turned his gaze out the window. "I'm gonna leave that up to you."

"But Sully…." she began to protest but he interrupted her.

"I'm ready, whenever ya are. I was ready when I asked ya." Those words made Michaela's heart swell with joy and it showed on her face.

"Hmm." She pulled away distracted by the thought of picking a date. Raising her hand, she tapped her chin with her index finger. "I've always wanted a fall wedding."

"Then we'll wait til fall."

"But that seems so far away."

Sully grinned at her indecisiveness. "Then we'll have it earlier."

She still looked troubled. "Will the house be ready in time though?"

Sully smiled. "You tell me when the house needs to be ready and I'll make sure it gets that way. Can't have us livin' in the old homestead with no privacy."

Her cheeks blushed heartily. "Yes, we'll need privacy." Her voice became lower as she said this last line, the blush on her cheeks deepening if possible. Sully smiled suggestively and raised his eyebrows planning on pulling her close for a kiss. He had only touched her waist when the bedroom door flew open and the children came tumbling in.

"Privacy," they said in unison and then laughed as they turned towards the children.

* * *

The sunlight in Josef's room began to ebb as the sun started its descent toward the western horizon. The remaining light cast long shadows in the room that danced in the flickering sun. Elizabeth watched their movement listening to her husband's quiet breathing as they sat in silence.

"I need to ask you a favor." Josef spoke slowly and deliberately trying to make his speech plain.

Elizabeth sighed showing the dread she felt inside. She was fairly certain that she knew what he was going to ask. "Go ahead," she said, quietly folding her hands in her lap, her eyes cast downward.

"Michaela's money…" he faltered as he spoke making him pause for longer than intended.

"What about it?"

Josef heard the hesitancy to talk about this in his wife's voice but he ignored it. "Promise me you won't give it to her." The words were slow but plain enough to be heard.

"Josef," Elizabeth began as she raised her head to look her husband square in the eye, "legally it's her money. I'm not sure that we can prevent her from getting access to it."

"She needs to see reason – she needs to come home." Josef's tone was insistent now. He struggled to sit up but managed the movement. "That won't happen unless she fails."

Elizabeth regarded her husband warily. "What do you mean fails?"

"She wants that building for a clinic. That's why she wants the money." Elizabeth knew she could easily lie. Josef didn't know about Michaela's life in Colorado. He didn't know that Elizabeth had sent her daughter the money to buy the clinic months ago. It was tempting, very tempting. For a long moment, Elizabeth considered her options and finally reached an internal decision.

The time for lies was over. For too long the family had suffered under hidden secrets and it was tearing them apart. She didn't like Michaela's decision anymore than Josef did but was it really worth losing their daughter over. "She's your daughter Josef. I know you want her here, I know you don't want her with Sully. But she's made her decision. Is this really worth losing her over?"

"She'll come back to me," he slurred- the words becoming harder to understand as if this whole conversation was draining him. "I'll make it so she has to."

The decline in his speech was worrying Elizabeth but she knew that he would not allow this conversation to end so abruptly. With one final push she tried to make him see things clearly one last time. "Josef she's already bought the clinic. Her life is there. She is going to marry Sully and there is nothing that any of us can do about it. The time for fighting this is over. Don't be a fool."

"It's my job to protect her – she's my daughter." A single tear fell down the older man's cheek and Elizabeth quickly wiped it away. She knew the next words would break his heart but she had to tell him.

"I've already decided to let her go – to let her be happy. I bought the clinic for her Josef." She held his hand as she spoke letting her finger trail along his wrist. He wrenched it away and turned towards the wall. There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do. He was going to need her – he couldn't reject her forever. That wasn't true of Michaela – he could continue to push her away and he would. Of this Elizabeth was certain.

Elizabeth stood and crossed to the door. "I'll be back in the morning," she said softly as she let herself out. For a moment she stood in the hallway collecting herself and making up her mind. There were things to make right and it was up to her to make them right. Someday she would reunite father and daughter. She wasn't sure how or when but someday she would.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_


	153. Chapter 153

**Homecoming**

Chapter 153

**Boston, Massachusetts**

Michaela settled in the window seat of her father's office, an unopened book perched precariously on her lap. Sully had taken the children down to the river in order to give her a break and Michaela was grateful to be alone with her thoughts for a few minutes. She wasn't sure how long to continue trying to break through to her father. Part of her wanted to pack up now and head back to Colorado. It became more and more obvious everyday that Josef was going to recover.

Yet another part of her wanted to give Josef another chance. The hope that she thought was doused when her father had refused to speak to her still remained. It was small, barely burning but it was there. Deep down, she knew that when she walked away this time there was a good chance that she would not be back. The thought that her father would come west was absurd. She had to give it one more try.

"Michaela?" Michaela's head turned quickly to see her mother standing in the doorway.

"I thought you left for the hospital."

Elizabeth shook her head and walked over to where Michaela sat. "I decided to wait." She paused regarding her daughter carefully. "We need to talk." Michaela moved slightly so that her mother could sit down, curious as to what her mother wanted to tell her. Elizabeth took her time beginning though. She smoothed her skirts and looked out the window distractedly, frustrating Michaela. Finally she began, "How long are you planning on staying?"

Michaela shrugged her shoulder and shook her head as she replied. "I don't really have a plan. I was actually just considering when we should leave." Elizabeth cut her eyes ever so slightly and Michaela knew there was something she wanted to say but wasn't sure how to. "I feel like I need to give him another chance."

"I'm not sure your father is going to change his mind." There was compassion in Elizabeth's expression that Michaela did not automatically recognize. Her mother was not a compassionate person.

"I know," Michaela replied quietly. "But I feel as if I have to give it at least one more try."

"I understand." Elizabeth looked down twisting the rings on her left ring finger nervously. "There is something else." She did not continue, trying to organize what she needed to say.

"What is it mother?"

In a show of solidarity, Elizabeth reached over to take her daughter's hand. "I want you to get your money before you leave." Michaela furrowed her eyebrows. "Your money from Anna," Elizabeth added.

"Is that even possible?"

"I believe it is. I've already made some inquiries through a personal friend. Even if you can't get the money currently, once you are married legally that money would transfer to you and your husband."

"I can survive without the money. Besides the first thing I would do with that money is pay you back."

"Listen once you marry Sully your father may take even a harder line against you. I don't agree with him – you know that but I also don't know what that might mean. I don't know if I'll be able help you. It may be difficult for me to even see you again." She paused again and this time Michaela realized that the emotion she could not read on her mother's face was actually sadness. "I would want to know that you can take of your family."

"Mother," Michaela began and then paused. She had wanted to deny everything her mother had said. Could her father really take a harder line then he already had? It was hard for her to believe but then again it was hard for her to believe her father had done the things he had. "I don't know," she whispered, the tension tight in her voice.

"I know," her mother said with a nod of her head. "Trust me. I know we don't see eye to eye. I doubt we ever will. You know I don't agree with your decision to leave Boston or to turn down David. "Michaela began to object but Elizabeth was faster. "That doesn't matter though. I married your father because I knew he would give me my independence. I can't deny one of my daughter's hers."

"Thank you," Michaela whispered.

Elizabeth stood quickly, suddenly uncomfortable with the raw emotion in the room. "The meeting is all set for this afternoon. The lawyer's name is Mr. Pedersen."

Michaela nodded. She wanted to say more but she knew Elizabeth wouldn't tolerate sloppy words. "Thank you," she said again as her mother retreated from the room.

* * *

Michaela still couldn't believe her mother had been willing to help so much. Elizabeth had arranged the meeting with the lawyer and taken steps to insure it would be kept private for now. After speaking with Sully, they had agreed that they would wait to transfer the money until after the marriage had taken place. This would keep the procedure out of the courts and out of the public eye. Even now, Elizabeth was keeping the children while they met with the lawyer to finalize all of the arrangements.

Sully felt out of place in the lawyer's office. He usually didn't allow the looks of others to get to him but sitting beside Michaela in all of her Boston finery he was such a stark contrast. The receptionist had given them both the once over before she had announced them to Mr. Pedersen. It was now the lawyer considering his clothing and then looking again at Michaela. It was okay he told himself. They were going to sign a few papers and then everything would be over. And moreover they would be Colorado bound in a few days.

"As you know, Dr. Quinn, your mother and I have already spoken and she has told me of your desires. I do want you to know though that there is no reason why your father should have taken control of the money in the first place."

"I understand," Michaela said with a sad look. "And I understand that I could go to court to regain control but I think this will be much easier."

"The marriage is already planned?" He passed a document over to Michaela to sign while casting a wary glance at Sully. Sully exhaled loudly trying to disguise his anger at the remark.

Michaela nodded, unaware of Sully's displeasure. "We haven't set a date, but it will be soon." She turned to smile at Sully and was surprised when he didn't smile back. Michaela passed the document back and the lawyer surveyed it to make sure everything was in its correct place.

"This is the letter I want you to send when the marriage is complete, along with a copy of the marriage certificate. I am afraid I don't know exactly when the money will be released but of course I will forward it on to the Bank of Denver as soon as everything is arranged."

There was a moment of silence as Michaela looked over the document. Sully, who was more than ready to leave shook his leg anxiously hoping this wouldn't take much longer. He only looked up when Michaela spoke. "The name is wrong," she said sliding the letter towards the lawyer and indicating the error.

The lawyer frowned. "But Mrs. Quinn said the married name would be Sully."

Michaela shook her head. "I am not planning on changing my name."

The lawyer looked slightly aghast at the news but it was nothing like the look on Sully's face. Michaela's focus remained on the lawyer and so she missed her fiancé's reaction. "Whatever you want Dr. Quinn. I'll have a new one typed up and sent over to your mother's house. You will be in town for a few more days?"

"For a few more," she assured him.

"Then that takes care of everything," he said placing the documents back into a folder. "And I will wait to hear from you to finish processing everything."

Sully stood abruptly and quickly moved to the door. Michaela cast her eyes at him wondering why he was so anxious to leave. "Thank you very much Mr. Pedersen. Your help has been most valuable."

"It was my pleasure, Dr. Quinn. Please give my regards to your mother." He reached for her hand and gave it a firm shake.

Michaela smiled warmly. "I will and have a good afternoon."

"Same to you both."

Sully grunted out some sort of reply from his stance at the door gaining a frown from Michaela. He did not say a word but marched straight through the receiving room and down the stairs into the open air. Michaela had to practically run to catch up.

"Sully! Sully!" she called quickly following him down the stairs. When she finally caught up with him on the front steps of the building she was not pleased. "What is a matter with you? I can't believe how incredibly rude you were."

"I was rude? They been lookin' at me like I ain't good enough to marry you – like I ain't good enough to be in their office."

"Sully, it's only because of how you are dressed."

"You ashamed of me Michaela?" Sully's voice carried down to the street where they received more than a few stares.

"Of course not," Michaela replied quietly trying to disarm the situation. "Sully…"

"Really? You ain't ashamed of me? Then why don't ya want to take my name?"

The words sent shockwaves through Michaela. While it was true they had never talked about her keeping her name, she had never thought that Sully would mind. "Is that what this is all about?"

"Yeah – that's what this is all about." Sully shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe that Michaela was being so casual about it. He turned and started to walk off down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Michaela caught his shoulder making him stop for the moment.

"I need some time to think."

"Sully, please, let's talk about this."

Sully wrenched free of her grasp. "Ain't nothin' to talk about," he replied.

"Where are you going?"

"Don't know," he said without turning back to look at her.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, Colorado**

"When's the doc going to be back?" Jake was leaning on the front railing of the saloon with a cigar in his hand.

"Don't know," Hank said nonchalantly. He pushed back off the railing and spit off the side of the porch. "Don't really care. Surprised you do."

Jake took a drag off the cigar and blew out the smoke slowly. "Just quiet around here since her and that Injun left town."

"Maybe they'll stay gone," Loren added, disgust obvious in his voice.

Hank laughed. "Ain't what you were sayin' a couple of days ago when Jake was stichin' you up."

Loren turned red. "That's cause Jake ain't got a very gentle touch. Felt like he sewed me up with a damn fish hook." He looked at the bandaged area on his hand which he'd cut on a broken glass jar a few days earlier.

"It's sewed up, ain't it?" Jake fired back defensively. Again the barkeep laughed casting his eyes down the street to where the stage was pulling in. "I don't know why the town had to go and hire her as the town doctor. I can do all the doctorin' around here just fine."

Hank wasn't paying any attention to Jake's ramblings. His attention was still on the stage coach and the disembarking passengers. Loren followed his gaze to see what had him so interested. That's when he first caught sight of the gentleman. He wore a suit – one that clearly cost a pretty penny. Loren let out a low whistle. "Who's that?"

"Don't know," Hank replied, never taking his eyes off the stranger.

Jake finally turned his attention to the stagecoach as well. The gentlemen was brushing off his suit and giving directions to the stage coach driver about his bags. He stopped a young man walking down the street to ask a question. The young man pointed down to where Hank, Jake and Loren stood on the porch of the saloon. "Looks like a pansy to me," Jake laughed but quieted down when he realized the stranger was walking right towards them.

"Can I help you?" Jake said warily as the stranger approached.

"I was told that you rent rooms here."

"Sometimes," the barkeep said carefully looking the fellow up and down.

"Sometimes?" The gentlemen cast his eyes over the building. "You aren't trying to tell me this place is full?" His tone was sarcastic matching the incredulous look on his face.

Jake leaned over the railing. "Hank, here, don't just rent to anyone."

"I'm not just anyone," the stranger replied, the same smirk on his lips. "Now are you going to rent me a room or not." The smile was gone now.

Hank put his foot up on the porch railing. "Dollar a week."

"Dollar a week? I can get room and board in Denver for two dollars and fifty cents a month." The gentlemen reached his hand into his waistcoat pocket and pulled out a pocket watch. Nonchalantly, he checked the time and then replaced the watch.

"This ain't Denver," Hank replied acting just as nonplussed as the stranger. "You want the room or not?"

The gentleman looked up and down the street before turning back to Hank. "I'll take it." He extended his hand towards Hank but the barkeep ignored it. "Okay," he said stepping back and looking from Hank to Loren to Jake. "Where's the room?"

"Up the stairs, second door on the left." The stranger nodded and turned to get his bag. "Hey, what's your name?" Hank asked, curiosity finally getting the best of him.

The stranger took off his hat and gave a slight bow, the smirk now returned to his face. "Preston A Lodge the third," he replied before replacing his hat.

* * *

_Sorry the chapters have come a bit slower- last week was very crazy! Thanks for all your wonderful comments. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!_


	154. Chapter 154

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 154**

"Miss? Miss Michaela?" The small slender brunette jumped realizing that the carriage had stopped and she was still lost in thought. "We're here." Michaela looked up at the imposing structure of the hospital and nodded. "How long will you be?"

"No need to wait on me," she replied with a wave of her hand.

"But Mrs. Elizabeth…"

Michaela cut him off. "It's alright. I'll have William bring me home or I'll hire a carriage."

The driver agreed but didn't look happy about it. He climbed down from the driver's seat to help Michaela out of the carriage. "You be careful," he said with a knowing glance. This wasn't the first time he had not felt right about leaving Michaela some place alone. Of course in the past those places had been much more dubious than the hospital. It was the sadness in her eyes that made him leery of leaving her alone today though.

Clutching her bag in her hand, Michaela smoothed her skirt and swallowed hard. There was no telling where Sully had run off to and she didn't particularly want to go home to face questions about his whereabouts. Still she wasn't sure what she thought she was going to do at the hospital. It wasn't as if Josef was talking to her. Still the place felt comfortable like an old friend. It has often been a place of refuge for her and she was counting on its solace today.

The door handle felt smooth and cold in her hand and Michaela suddenly had an urge to press her face against the coolness of the glass panes. It was not a warm day outside but her cheeks felt flushed and the coolness was so inviting. Her silent thoughts were soon broken by the busyness of the corridor inside. She moved confidently forward choosing a path that would allow her to bypass the visitor's area. The staircase was hidden but the door was unlocked allowing her access to the upper floors. She took the stairs quickly, hating the dark dampness that seemed to cling to the walls. As she stepped from the stairwell, she breathed easy. The rustle of her skirts as she walked along was the only sound in the empty corridor. Here the warmth of the sun coming through the windows made her believe summer had come to Boston and there was a strange burst of happiness inside of her.

She stopped for a moment and stared out the window at the bustling street below. It was so different here from Colorado Springs. The feeling was more than just the temporal differences. Why couldn't she put her finger on it? What was the emotion that had constantly plagued her since she'd arrived here?

The stairwell door opened and two young doctors, residents perhaps, stepped into the hall. One looked at her and quickly looked away. The other smiled, letting his eyes wander over her face. "Can I help you miss?" he asked indicating that perhaps she was lost.

"No," she replied confidently directing her attention back out the window to the city below. Perhaps it was the flash of youth that reminded her of her own resident years at this hospital or maybe it was the way the young man had assumed she was a helpless woman, but she now knew what she hadn't a moment earlier. She wasn't needed here. She wasn't necessary.

Sure she had to fight for her place in Colorado Springs but she was needed there, more than she was ever needed or even wanted in Boston. It was a man's world everywhere but she had found her place among men. Michaela swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. She was suddenly missing Colorado. She missed the mountains, the homestead. She even missed the mud in the streets when it rained. A light chuckle found its way up to her lips. Some part of her even missed Jake.

"Michaela?" She turned towards the direction of her name, a smile still on her lips. David felt his heart jump inside of him. There it was – that look. The one that was always elusive to him. Yet as quickly as the smile had greeted him, it faded. That smile was not meant for him and he felt his heart sink in his chest. "Are you here to see Josef?"

Michaela felt her cheeks redden. "I," she stumbled to find words to explain her presence here, coming up empty. "I," she began again.

David was amused by her response and the look on her face. It was as if he had caught her doing something naughty. "Are you meeting someone?"

Michaela nodded eagerly, too eagerly. "William," she called out grasping at the excuse. "William was going to give me a ride home."

"I'm afraid you've missed him." David wrinkled his nose up as he spoke. He leaves the hospital at noon on Wednesdays to go over to the orphanage." If it was possible Michaela's face became a deeper shade of red. She should have known that. After all she was the one who had originally arranged his mid-week visits. "I have rounds to finish," he said quickly. "But if you don't mind waiting, I could certainly take you myself."

"That isn't necessary David." Michaela smiled graciously waving him off. "I'll hire a carriage."

"Is Sully with you?" Michaela couldn't read the look on his face. Was he hopeful? "I mean, I wouldn't want you to be out in Boston alone. And if Sully's not here, well…. I would be honored to see you safely home."

She had intended to tell him no. Even now sitting in his office, she had no idea why she'd agreed. There was something that felt good about being fussed over, though normally she hated it. Perhaps it was because she had felt abandoned by Sully. That was it, she decided, justifying it to herself. If Sully hadn't left her there in front of the lawyer's office, she wouldn't be in this predicament. Besides she wasn't doing anything wrong. Still she couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that settled in the pit of her stomach.

"Ready to go?" David had stuck his head in the door, smiling over at her. She'd just been contemplating sneaking out on her own.

"Ready." She stood and followed David who talked incessantly as they walked through the corridors about his day. Michaela nodded politely but added nothing of her own, her only thoughts now of Sully and the mess she'd made of things this morning. "David, could I ask you something?"

He turned to face her as he pushed open the hospital door. "You can ask me anything." He offered his hand to help her down the front steps and she took it, turning the words over in her mind as she walked.

"If things were different…" She paused, unsure of how to continue. This was going to be a delicate conversation.

David looked at her inquiringly. "In what way?" Michaela realized he was slightly distracted as he waved to a carriage driver and directed her towards it.

Taking advantage of his distraction, Michaela spoke quickly. "If I had stayed in Boston. If things had been different between us. Would you have been upset if I'd wanted to keep my name?"

"Huh?" David looked confused. He had helped her up into the carriage and was climbing in behind her. He spoke to the driver before turning his attention back to her. "What are you talking about Michaela?"

"If I had agreed to marry you, would you have been upset if I had wanted to keep my name?" The question was stated matter of factly, no emotion involved but it was not received so. David didn't speak at first but looked down at his hands and Michaela realized how insensitive she had been. "I'm sorry," she said in muted tones. "It wasn't an appropriate question."

"It was fine," David lied reassuringly. "I just needed a moment to think. I believe convention dictates the changing of the woman's last name."

"But I was already a doctor. I already had a career established in my name."

David studied her for a moment. "I suppose I thought once you'd married, you would give up being a doctor. But that is the problem isn't it?" Michaela looked at him questioningly, trying to follow his line of thought. "That's why it wasn't going to work between us."

"David, I told you. Sully…."

He cut her off. "It wouldn't have mattered Michaela. I wanted a wife, not a medical partner." He smiled feeling a burden he had carried for far too long fall away from him. "Sometimes we think all of our troubles would have been solved by just one small turn of events." He paused but Michaela knew he wasn't done. "I thought I could have been happy if you had agreed to marry me. I've made myself miserable thinking about the fact that I couldn't have you. But I couldn't have made you happy and I don't think I would have been happy either."

"I hope you do find happiness someday." Michaela placed her hand over his as she spoke. "You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you." The carriage came to a stop in front of the Quinn house as they spoke. "And I hope I can always count you a friend."

"You can." David reached over and kissed her cheek as she spoke, feeling relief from the misery that had bound him for far too long. Michaela stiffened under his touch. He pulled back but realized it was not the kiss that had worried her. Sully was approaching from the other side of the road. "Good-bye," she said somewhat formally her eyes tracking each step that the mountain man took. "Thanks for seeing me home." She climbed down hastily.

"It was my pleasure," he assured her though he knew she was barely listening. He spoke quickly to the driver and they moved on leaving her there in front of the house to face Sully on her own.

For a minute or perhaps more, they stood across the road from each other. It was Michaela who took the first step, moving forward until she stood in front of him. "I suppose I deserve that," Sully said, his voice hard and accusing.

Michaela shook her head. "It isn't how it looked." Her words felt futile but she continued anyway. "He offered me a ride home from the hospital. I shouldn't have accepted…."

Another long moment passed. "I shouldn't have left you in front of that lawyer's office," Sully said somewhat begrudgingly. He had tried to walk the anger off but it had returned anew seeing her with David. He knew she wasn't being unfaithful but just the sheer presence of David riled him up.

"Can we talk about it? Inside?" She looked at him tentatively as she spoke sensing the anger in his still form. Sully nodded and started for the house leaving Michaela to follow behind. The foyer was empty which made Michaela grateful but Sully continued his march up the stairs unbidden leaving her alone momentarily. She felt her own anger flare but she followed after him anyway, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

Yet her anger eased as she watched him, looking out the window in his bedroom. Thoughts of a young nervous Sully filled her mind and she felt suddenly protective of him. She anxiously bit her bottom lip as she stood in the doorway looking across at him. His back was towards her but she could tell from the way he stood that he was still angry. She thought about giving him more time to cool down but that part of her that wanted everything to be okay simply took over. Decisively she walked into the room, hoping he would turn around to face her. When he didn't, she swallowed hard and decided to approach him. She laid one hand gently on his shoulder and quietly said, "Sully?"

"I've changed my mind. I don't wanna talk about it right now," he whispered trying hard to control his own emotions that were threatening to spiral out of control.

"But you haven't even heard me out. How can you make up your mind without hearing my side of this?'

Sully spun around to face her then and she saw the anger in his eyes. She wasn't scared of that anger but still she backed off a few paces trying to give him some space. "Yeah, make sure ya get your side out there Michaela. What about my side? Do ya even care about my side?"

"Of course I do," Michaela tried to assure him.

"Well ya sure gotta a funny way of showin' it."

Michaela took a deep breath. "It's just that I am kind of attached to Dr. Michaela Quinn."

"I remember a time ya couldn't wait to be Dr. Michaela Sully," Sully returned looking at her accusingly.

"Things were different then," she whispered dropping her head and sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. "We were different then," she added. "You said it yourself – we can't keep living in the past of what our relationship was. We have to build it anew in the present." Sully continued to remain stone faced as Michaela's words sunk in. "Maybe we rushed into all of this," she whispered nervously twisting the ring on her finger.

Sully took a staggering breath and shook his head. Quickly, he closed the distance between them and pulled her into his embrace. "How can ya say that?" he asked tenderly, the anger having dissipated in a matter of seconds.

"Four years is a long time to be separated. It isn't even like we kept in touch. We changed – both of us."

"Are ya sayin' ya don't want to marry me?" Sully asked dropping his hands from around her. The yo-yo of emotions was too much for him.

"No," she said adamantly. "I've never wanted anything more in my whole life."

"I don't understand then," Sully replied.

Michaela shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "I don't know what it is. Maybe it's being back here in Boston." Sully gulped, her tears instantly melting his resolve.

"Listen if not changing your name is that important to ya – that's fine." He forced a laugh. "I always thought it would be weird to introduce myself as Sully and you as Dr. Sully." He wasn't sure this was how he really felt but he also wasn't sure this was something worth fighting over. Not when they had already been through so much.

Michaela laughed too, nervously, as she nodded her head in agreement. Slowly she moved over to him and buried her head against his chest. "I don't want to wait. It doesn't matter anymore. He isn't going to accept us no matter what I do. Let's just get married the minute we return to Colorado."

"Are ya sure?"

Michaela looked up at him and nodded her head. "Positive."

Sully lightly ran his hand down Michaela's cheek. "I love you," he whispered bringing his lips down to gently kiss the sides of her mouth. The flame of anger quickly turning to a flame of desire.

"And I love you," replied Michaela her eyes closed as she relaxed into Sully's embrace. The past few days had taken their toll on her and it felt good to be held and caressed. She waited anxiously for his lips to meld with hers and was surprised when she felt Sully pull her hair away from her neck so that he could plant kisses there instead. She bit her bottom lip as he reached the place where her neck joined her shoulder. Sully lightly ran his tongue along her collarbone causing Michaela to tremble.

"Sully," she breathed into his hair knowing they needed to stop but not really wanting to.

"Hmmm," he murmured as he kissed up the other side of her neck now. He pulled back slightly as he reached her jaw line, looking in her eyes to find a longing there that matched his own. Slowly he descended upon her lips, anticipating the way her tongue would hungrily seek his own. Ever so gently he nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth and Michaela gasped at this new sensation. Sully pulled back again smiling at her. Running her tongue over the place his teeth had been just moments before, she pressed herself into him as their lips finally met in a passion filled kiss. When Sully pulled back, Michaela was surprised.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Couldn't be better," he said.

"Why did you stop then?"

"You're making my body react," Sully said teasingly. Michaela blushed at his words. "Soon," he whispered bringing his thumb up to trace her kiss swollen lips.

"Soon," Michaela repeated as she touched the ring on her finger.

* * *

_Sorry this has been so long coming. I've been sick, life has been crazy, yada, yada. Anyway, things will be a bit slow as I am coaching a Science Olympiad team. We have our competition in two weeks and then my life will go back to normal – actually there should be more free time, which means more writing- yeah! Thanks for reading!_


	155. Chapter 155

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 155**

**Boston, Massachusetts**

The morning sun was barely up when Michaela, fully dressed, descended the stairs. Last night as she had lain in bed trying to fall asleep, she decided that this trip to Boston could drag on indefinitely. The resolution and possible reconciliation she sought with her father felt impossible now. With these thoughts still plaguing her, she rose early intending to visit the hospital one last time before she firmed up with Sully when they would depart. Her plan was to leave before the household was up so not to attract unwanted attention to her last efforts. She expected the house to be asleep except for the servants so she was surprised to hear voices in the drawing room. For a moment she froze on the stairs, cocking her head to listen. From this angle she could make out William's silhouette in the door and she felt her stomach tighten. Certainly this meant bad news about her father, yet William had reported his continued improvement for the past week.

"William?" Her voice was low intentionally. She wasn't sure who else was present this early in the morning.

"Ah, Michaela." The sudden pause in voices and the color on his cheeks alerted the doctor to the fact that this conversation was not meant for her to hear.

"Is something wrong?" She approached quickly now, curious as to who was involved in this early morning meeting which she was not privy to. Elizabeth sat at one end of the room in her dressing gown with Rebekah on one side and Claudette and Maureen on the other. She looked from face to face before turning back to William. "What's going on?"

"Father is coming home." Maureen spoke without looking at her sister.

"Alright," Michaela said slowly, her eyes meeting Rebekah's. "Does it need to be a secret?"

Claudette sighed impatiently ignoring the look of warning from her oldest sister. "Well, isn't it obvious? The last thing Father needs is to be disturbed or hassled as he is continuing his recovery and with you and that band of hooligans here, this is hardly the place." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, her lips pursed making her face look extremely unpleasant.

Michaela addressed her mother quickly. "If our presence here is a problem…"

Elizabeth shook her head and cut her daughter off. "Nobody's presence here is a problem."

"Mother, really, she can't stay here. William just said that it is imperative that he remain calm to avoid any setbacks. And let's face it Michaela can't help but to draw attention to herself." Maureen looked directly at Michaela as she spoke, though she addressed Elizabeth. A look of challenge was on her face but Michaela gladly accepted it, refusing to look away.

"We've had a very peaceful stay here thus far. Of course things have a way of becoming chaotic when you or your children are present." Michaela's lip curled slightly as she spoke unaware that all eyes were on her. William was watching intently, wondering what it would be like for the two of them to actually fight it out. He had no reservations about who would win. Still the prospect was interesting.

Claudette opened her mouth to reply but Michaela was faster. "But to be honest I am not certain how much longer we will be staying."

"Good riddance," Maureen said wiping off her hands as if Michaela was a piece of dirt she was trying to get rid of.

Rebecca stood at this remark and looked from Claudette to Maureen. "Can't we try to get along? If we are going to make this a peaceful homecoming for Father, then we all have to do our part. Certainly we can look past our differences for a few days."

Michaela felt irritated at her sister's insipient need to be fair and even. She wanted to yell and scream and she wanted Rebecca to scream and yell as well. She took a deep breath and made herself count to five slowly as she exhaled, trying to calm herself. Maureen raised her eyebrows as she looked over at Claudette, the unpleasant expression still on her face. She couldn't see Rebecca from this angle or her mother so she looked to William instead. William had an amused look on his face which perplexed Michaela and intrigued her all at the same time. It made her relax though, which was a good thing.

"Last time I looked this was still my house." It was Elizabeth speaking. She stood as she completed this first sentence, her dressing gown billowing out behind her as she took a step forward. The early morning sun coming through the drawing room windows gave her an almost angelic look, something Elizabeth would not normally be accused of. "And since it is my house and since it is my husband we are discussing, I will be making the final decisions in these matters." She moved to stand in front of the mantle warming her hands by the fire that had been laid there. "Josef will come home. He will receive visitors for a limited amount of time. Everyone," she looked from Maureen to Claudette to Michaela as she spoke this next line, "Everyone will keep their personal feelings to themselves in his presence. Michaela will remain here and will observe the same rules as those not residing here."

"But mother," Maureen tried to interrupt.

"Have I made myself clear?" Elizabeth's look was defiant and threatening all at once.

Maureen closed her mouth abruptly and nodded, though she didn't look happy about it.

Elizabeth turned to her middle daughter. "Claudette?"

"I think all of this is utter nonsense. If it was up to me, I would not allow this free love freak show to go on one moment longer." She indicated Michaela with her hand as she spoke.

"It's not up to you," Elizabeth countered. "I believe I have made that quite clear."

"Yes, mother but I just want my opinion on the record when this situation blows up in your face."

Michaela boldly stepped into the room now, a fire burning bright within her eyes. "Claudette, you have made your opinion quite clear since the moment I arrived. But if we are sharing opinions, I have one I'd like to share. I find it hard to believe that I am related to someone as narrow minded and rude as yourself. I have absolutely no plans to make Father's homecoming chaotic. You seem to forgotten that I am a doctor and know above any of you how important it is for Father to rest. If the truth be known, you have been jealous of my relationship with Father my entire life. You are using this situation to be opportunistic."

The words found their mark, the truth biting though the reply that Claudette had been formulating. Her mouth was half open, her arms knotted across her chest as she stood.

Elizabeth wasn't about to have this continue though. "It's over." Her tone was soft but firm. "We've all said what we needed to say and it's over. Josef will come home today and there will be peace here." It was Elizabeth's way of saying that her husband's health was more important than her daughter's argument. She had successfully ended it and she was right – it would all be over soon.

* * *

**Colorado Springs, Colorado**

A bright sun cut through the early morning air outside of Colorado Springs dappling the ground with pinpoints of light. Preston smiled to himself taking in the terrain as his horse galloped on. He couldn't believe the stroke of good luck that had landed him here. This place was a virtual treasure trove that was his for the taking. Plus he knew something that no one else knew yet. The deal had been brokered and signed – there was no turning back. The train was coming to Colorado Springs. And with the train there would be people. Lots of people. People wanting to visit the hot springs, people wanting to stay in his hotel.

The thought of money always made him smile and today was no exception. His surroundings were only working to elevate his good mood as he rode on into the woods. Preston followed the path that he believed was rarely travelled hoping to find the perfect spot for his money making enterprises.

Bringing his horse to an abrupt halt, he let his eyes roam over the sight in front of him. "What do we have here?" he asked himself. The sun was just breaking the top of the tree line, illuminating the structure before him. From this distance, he couldn't tell if it was occupied or deserted but it definitely deserved a second look. He rode closer, finally dismounting as he came within a few yards of the porch.

Preston let out a low whistle, surprised at the fine craftsmanship that he encountered. Clearly someone was currently working here. He could see that now that he was closer. Yet even in its unfinished state, he knew it would be a splendid residence. An idea captured him as he mounted the stairs of the porch to survey the view. He hadn't found a spot for his hotel on this morning ride but he had found his house. It wasn't his yet but he had never met a man who couldn't be persuaded with money.

* * *

**Boston, Massachusetts**

Josef's return was uneventful. Barricaded in his bedroom with Elizabeth playing prison guard, it wasn't much different than him being in the hospital miles away. Michaela was careful to keep the children quiet and their presence unknown for the most part. She had visited her father twice since he came home but both times he had refused to speak to her. This was on Michaela's mind as she woke that morning. There was something inside of her that knew it was time to give up, time to go home.

Looking around the room, she began to say her goodbyes, wondering if she would ever see this room or this house again. She felt like she should be sad but honestly she had done this all before and this time it felt easier. This time it would be easier. Last time she was leaving home to head into the unknown by herself. But now she was leaving for her home with Sully and the children.

With confidence she rose to meet the day, already making plans for their departure. She would start packing today. Perhaps take the kids to the museum or to the library as they'd been planning all along but had never quite made it there. Colleen would be excited and Michaela decided to wake her first with the good news. She opened the door that adjoined their two rooms to find Colleen's bed empty. It must be later than she thought. She crossed to the hallway and opened the door, listening to see if she heard voices from downstairs. Glancing down the hallway, she noticed that her mother and father's bedroom door was slightly ajar and she could hear voices coming from within.

Curiosity got the best of her as she strained to hear who was speaking. It was her father – his tone soft and gentle. It made her smile reminding her of days gone by. She crept forward slowly until she stood just outside the door. The red hair caught her attention alerting her to Colleen's presence inside. Josef was sitting on the side of the bed, Colleen on the chair at his bedside.

"Dr. Mike said you taught her how to be a doctor," Colleen was smiling, her eyes wide with meeting the man she'd heard so much about.

"I did." Josef smiled but his eyes continued to hold their sadness. "And you want to be a doctor just like her?"

Colleen nodded. "I'm gonna go to college just like she did and work in a hospital- maybe even have my own clinic someday like she does."

"What's her clinic like?" Josef asked. Michaela felt a pang of jealousy. This was the conversation she had dreamed of having with her father many times.

"Well, it ain't like anything in Boston I guess. But it's nice. It used to be a boarding house – my ma ran it. But Dr. Mike made it like it's a hospital."

Michaela leaned in slightly trying to see her father's expression better but his head was turned. When he spoke again, it was to ask another question about his daughter's life. "Does she have many patients?"

"I guess." Colleen shrugged. "Some people don't like lady doctors but Dr. Mike don't let that bother her. She's real brave. I wanna be just like her."

There was a pause in the conversation but Michaela couldn't move or else she would give her position away. She was more interested in hearing the conversation than being part of it right now. Finally Josef spoke, "She is brave, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Colleen agreed.

"Colleen, would you like to go to school here in Boston?"

Michaela sucked in a sharp breath having a hard time believing what she was hearing. She stilled herself though and waited for Colleen's answer.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Colleen said excitedly. "But I already go to school at home."

Josef smiled sweetly at her. "Yes but the schools here in Boston are much better. They could prepare you for the future. You could live here with us. I would take you to the hospital just like I used to take Michaela."

A sharp pain stabbed through Michaela's heart and her throat went dry. She put a hand out against the wall to steady herself trying hard to remember to be quiet. Colleen was speaking again but Michaela didn't want to hear anymore. With measured steps, she retreated down the hall towards her room with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. Quietly, she closed the door and leaned back against it, allowing the tears she had been fighting to finally fall. Michaela collapsed in on herself and let her back slide down the door to the floor where she lay in a puddle.

There were too many emotions to sort out. Part of her wanted to be the one having that conversation with her father. She wanted to go back and make things work out differently. She should be sitting there giving him all the details of her life, not Colleen. Yet a deeper sadness washed over her when she realized that her father thought she was replaceable. Brush off the daughter you don't want and find one to replace her. It was that simple to him.

Michaela sobbed loudly now, her tears falling in torrents. Deep down she knew that she didn't need him but she didn't want to feel replaced. She didn't want to be like a pair of old pants cast to the side. Part of her wanted to run all the way back to Colorado Springs and part of her wanted to stay and make her father accept her. The only question was which part would win.

* * *

_I'm back – competition is over and my free time has finally returned – at least I hope ._


	156. Chapter 156

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 156**

**Boston, Massachusetts**

Brian stood face to face with a lion, his eyes trained on the glass eyes of the animal before him. He roared loudly and then waited as if the animal would spring to life any second. Sully grabbed him around the midsection, scaring him and making him yell out loud gaining them several nasty looks. Sully nor the Cooper children cared as they melted into peals of laughter at Brian's scare.

"Sully are you sure they only got lions in Africa?" Brian was once again regarding the animal intently as if he still didn't quite trust it.

"Now that would be a good question for Dr. Mike." He reached down and ruffled the little boys head.

Colleen sighed loudly. "I wish Dr. Mike was feeling better so that she could have come with us."

"You're just sayin' that 'cause you wanted to go to that library," Matthew said teasingly. Colleen had been out voted by the boys that morning to visit the Museum of Natural History rather than the Boston Anthanaem.

Sully smiled weakly at them. "Well I bet she'll be feelin' better by tomorrow and we can go to the library then."

"Great," Matthew replied sarcastically.

Brian had already run ahead and was peaking into the next room. He turned back to his family and declared, "Ain't nothin' but birds in here. Let's go see that rhino again."

"I like birds." Colleen looked annoyed as she spoke and Sully couldn't tell if she was just being contrary or if this was a true interest.

"You like all the borin' stuff." Brian screwed his face up into a frown. "Books and birds – who cares about 'em."

Taking on a superior air, Colleen turned to face her brothers. "I don't care what either one of you say. I'll have all the time I want to see books and birds when I move to Boston."

"Like that's gonna happen," Matthew laughed.

"It is!" Colleen's voice was loud and shrill, this time attracting attention Sully didn't want. "Granda Josef said I could move to Boston and go to school and be a doctor just like Dr. Mike."

The boys weren't paying her any mind, already heading back to the other side of the room to look at the alligator display again. On the other hand, Sully was very interested in what she had just said. He bent down a little to be even with Colleen. "When did Josef tell you that?" he asked as the pieces of this morning's events began to come together.

"This morning," Colleen replied with a little sniff. "He said I could move here and he'd take me to the hospital and teach me to be a doctor just like he taught Dr. Mike."

Sully stood, his eyes narrowing as his mind worked on this new information. Her red puffy eyes, her refusal to even come out of her room. Michaela wasn't sick. "Does your ma know about this?"

"I ain't told her yet." Her eyes were wide. She could sense something was wrong but she had no idea why this would be so upsetting to Sully.

"That bastard." Sully's tone was low and menacing and thankfully Colleen didn't hear him. He balled up his hands into fists and swore again under his breath. Deep down he wished Josef had simply died when he suffered that stroke. Sully tried to get his mind around everything that was going on. Was Michaela questioning her decision to return to him? Was that why she'd claimed to be sick this morning? The fear that she would possibly leave him again gnawed at him but he refused to let it have credence in his thoughts. If she'd overheard her father offering Colleen everything they had once shared that would be enough to upset her.

"Matthew, Brian, it's time to go." He waved them over towards him.

Brian walked towards him reluctantly. "But we ain't seen the bird room yet."

"Are we going to the Athanaeum?" Colleen asked quickly ignoring her brother.

Sully shook his head as he regarded them both before his eyes met Matthew's. "I think we better check on Dr. Mike," Matthew said, correctly reading the situation.

"Yeah," Sully agreed. "'Side it's gettin' to be lunch time."

* * *

"Michaela." The voice was soft but close by. "Michaela." His breath tickled her ear and she brushed at the side of her face as sleep finally lost its grip on her. One eye and then the other fluttered open.

"Sully?" She closed her eyes again and the memories of the morning came flooding back burying her under waves of sadness. "Oh, Sully," she gasped feeling him gather her into his arms.

"Colleen told me," he said softly, stroking her hair with his free hand.

Michaela looked confused. "Colleen told you what?"

"'Bout Josef wantin' her to come live here." Sully felt her tense in his arms and he leaned his forehead against her cheek. "It ain't gonna happen – I ain't gonna let it."

"I know," she sighed her voice low and raspy. "But…" Her voice failed her but Sully could see the pain clouding her eyes. He leaned in and placed gentle kisses to her eyelids wishing he could take away all the pain he saw there.

The door opened unexpectedly then, the Cooper children tumbling in one right after the other. They stopped when they saw Sully and Michaela in such an intimate posture. Michaela pushed up on Sully's torso and he quickly moved to sit up on the side of the bed bringing her with him.

Brian who seemed less fazed by this last scene walked over to the bed and started to climb up into Michaela's lap. "Ma, Colleen says she's gonna move to Boston. Can I get her room in the new house?"

Michaela chuckled and hugged the little body to her. "No one's moving to Boston," she said quietly looking over the blond head to where the young girl stood a few feet away. "Colleen?" she motioned the young girl over to her and moved slightly so that she could climb up on the bed on the side not occupied with Sully.

"Granda Josef said I could." Colleen's bottom lip was already protruding in a pout but Michaela ignored it.

"Certainly Boston would offer you many opportunities that Colorado cannot. I can understand why you would want to move here. But I'm not sure you understand how different Boston is from Colorado Springs."

Matthew spoke now solidifying the case Michaela was making. "Yeah, you'd have to go to school with Claudette and Maureen's kids." He made a face. "And I bet the other kids are like that too."

Colleen wrinkled her nose remembering how out of place she had felt in her clothes, how out of place she felt having servants. "Can I be a doctor if I stay in Colorado Springs?" she asked meekly, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"You can be anything you want to be." Michaela let go of Brian momentarily to encircle Colleen with her arms. "I promise you that I help you get into college and you can work with me in the clinic anytime you want."

At this Colleen smiled widely and hugged Michaela tightly. "Thanks, Ma," she said and Michaela felt tears slipping down her cheek again. Yet this time they were tears of joy at hearing that one little word from Colleen.

* * *

Sully had heard Michaela raise her voice and then the dull silence that followed. He hadn't liked her plan from the start. While he knew Josef needed to be confronted about his conversation with Colleen, Sully wasn't sure Michaela was currently in the right mind to do it. Michaela had been insistent though and Sully knew there was no convincing her otherwise.

Still he had wanted to be close by and so Michaela had agreed to meet Josef in his study. Josef had gotten into the habit of being brought downstairs for a few hours every afternoon. He referred to it as his therapy.

With Michaela meeting him in the study, Sully could be close by in the drawing room and thus within listening range. His every sense was acutely attuned to what was occurring in that room and the silence was worrying him.

"Sully, tell Brian to give my book back," Colleen whined from behind him.

"Brian, give her the book back." Sully didn't even look at them as he spoke, his eyes boring a hole through the drawing room wall.

Brian crossed his arms and stomped his foot. "But she said I could see it."

Sully's head jerked quickly. Michaela was speaking again. Her tone seemed calmer but he could tell by the pitch that she was upset. "Sh," he quieted the children as he reached for the book which Brian was now holding behind his back. With one quick motion, he claimed the book and delivered it into Colleen's outstretched hand.

Without a word, he left the drawing room and crossed to the door of Josef's study. The room had gone silent again. He counted slowly to himself, his eyes closed. He would give her to thirty and then he was going in. Slowly he opened his eyes, certain she would be standing before him but the door was still shut. He allowed his anger to burn through him. The white hot glow flushed his cheeks and flashed in his eyes as he threw open the door. Scanning the room, he found Michaela across the room looking out the windows. Josef sat propped up at his desk. He swallowed hard at how much Josef had aged since the last time that he'd seen him.

"Sully?" Michaela asked as she turned. "Is something a matter?"

Sully straightened realizing he must have frightened her with his abrupt entrance. "I just wanted to check on ya. I didn't want to disturb anything."

"Too late for that," Josef commented sarcastically.

"Father." Michaela sounded like she was scolding him.

"I'll leave you be." Sully started to step backward out of the door.

"No need." It was Josef speaking. "I want to speak with you anyway." Sully stepped back into the room and let the door shut behind him. "I'm worried Sully. Worried about my daughter. Worried about what kind of future she is going to have with you." He narrowed his eyes studying the man he considered his adversary. "I am worried she is throwing away everything she's worked for, giving it all up to chase after you."

Michaela moved forward quickly. "Father!"

"No, Michaela," Sully began raising his hand to indicate she should stop. "Let 'im speak."

"Thank you Sully," Josef replied with an air of respect in his voice that Michaela knew was false. "If you love my daughter as you claim to, you will tell her to give up this impossible quest." He emitted the words as if they were leaving a bad taste in his mouth. "You'll leave her here in Boston where she belongs. She's meant for greater things."

"You're right Josef." Sully paused making Michaela scowl but she held her position. She knew the look on Sully's face and knew he wasn't done speaking. "She is meant for great things. She is an amazing doctor – an amazing women. But I ain't forcing her to make any decisions. I gave her room to decide what she wanted. You're the one who can't do that. Who could never do that." Sully's voice was steady and while it was obvious that he was angry, he had control.

Sully's words had found their mark or at least Michaela believed. It really appeared as if Josef was considering what he had said. Believing his defenses were weakening, Michaela spoke. "Father, remember how we used to be. Remember the three of us. Sully was the son you never had. I know things are different now but can't we go back? Can't we find a way back?"

Josef turned to face his youngest and Michaela felt an icy fear grip her heart. The look on his face was terrible and she felt suddenly like a small child under his gaze. "Go back?" he spat the words out as if they were hot coals. "Michaela wake up. Sully is a deceiver, a liar. He pulled the wool over my eyes but I finally saw him for what he is."

"How can you say that?" Michaela's eyes were wide, her expression incredulous. "Why would you say such horrible things?"

"I blame myself." He looked at Michaela with pity. "I allowed him into my household. I knew how impressionable you were. But you're grown now Michaela. Don't make a choice that will ruin your life."

Sully had heard about as much as he could take and the tears now spilling down Michaela's cheeks caused the dam inside of him to burst. "She ain't ruining her life," he yelled much louder than he meant to, attracting attention unbeknownst to the room's occupants. "You're the liar!" Sully threw his hands out expressively. "No, you're a thief. Takin' her money – leavin' her out west without a way to support herself."

"I acted in my daughter's best interest! At least this way you won't get your grubby hands on her money." Josef stood awkwardly as he yelled, his speech unmistakably clear.

"I don't care about the damn money!"

Michaela moved quickly as Sully spoke, throwing her hands up in protest. "Sh!" She threw the door open to reveal all three children in front of the door each visibly upset. Neither of the men was sure what to do, both stunned by their presence. Sully was already feeling guilty for his part in the argument but only because the children had to witness it.

"This is over," Michaela said in hushed tones looking accusingly at her father. She ushered the children out the door and Sully followed behind.

"I'm going to the train station," Sully whispered as he brushed by her catching her hand in his briefly. Michaela didn't have to ask, she didn't need to worry. She could read exactly what she needed to know. Sully was taking his family home.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_


	157. Chapter 157

Homecoming 157

Michaela wasn't sure how long she'd been awake. Watching the soft rise and fall of Sully's chest held her entranced. A long time ago, another life time it seemed, she had held him like this. It felt so long ago and Michaela wanted to go back – back to when things were simple. She lay her head back on the pillow. When had things ever been simple though? Innocence had pervaded their early days but even then things were not simple. But they would be, Michaela would make sure of that.

Sully had never gone to the train station yesterday but had walked until nightfall trying to get rid of the anger burning inside of him. Michaela had stayed with the children, trying to distract herself from her own anger. When Sully had finally returned, they'd lain awake for hours talking things through, trying to make sense of the day's events. She still couldn't believe they had fallen asleep together but here he was.

Michaela looked down at his face, glad that he was resting peacefully. She hated to wake him but she knew others would be up and about soon. "Sully," she whispered letting her fingers trace the outline of his cheekbone. He stirred a little in his sleep, murmuring something incoherent. "It's morning," she added, this time a little louder. Those seemed to be the magic words as he sat up rather abruptly.

His eyes opened and closed several times before he made out her form "Michaela?"

"You fell asleep in here last night and you looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you."

"Where did you sleep?" he asked out of curiosity, knowing how cautious they had both been until recently about their physical contact.

Michaela's cheeks grew warm and she turned her face down as she answered. "With you."

"Do ya realize that soon we're gonna wake up every mornin' just like this?" Sully reached his arm out wrapping it around her shoulder to draw her close. She nodded but didn't look up at him. "Michaela… ya alright?"

"I don't want to be here any longer. I don't even know why I came." She laid her head against his shoulder as she spoke, closing her eyes and savoring the feel of his arms.

Sully placed a kiss to the part in her hair, letting his lips linger there for a moment before he spoke. "Cause ya thought maybe he would stop holdin' this grudge against us. Ya would think bein' on your death bed would make your heart soften." Michaela nodded her head but remained silent, drawing strength from Sully. "I don't want ya to give up hope. I didn't mean to get so angry yesterday, especially in front of the children."

"Oh Sully you had every right to be angry – he shouldn't speak to you like that. And I already told you that I spoke to the children. They understand what happened."

"Still... I need to control my temper. He's your father and they don't need to see my disrespectin' him like that."

Michaela lifted her head and smiled at him bringing a hand up to stroke his cheek. "Have I told you how much I love you recently?"

Sully laughed. "You can always tell me again."

Her face grew serious as she raised herself up further to be level with his lips. "I love you," she whispered moving closer until her lips met his. It felt strangely wonderful to wake up together, sharing innocent kisses as the passion grew between them. Sully leaned in to her, letting his tongue run along her bottom lip before taking it in between his teeth and playfully nipping at it. He started to pull away but Michaela's hand at the nape of his neck pushed him back into position, desire getting the best of her momentarily. They slid down in the bed, until Sully lay over her – the kisses growing more and more heated by the minute.

It was Michaela who finally broke them apart, pushing lightly on his chest. Instantly Sully moved away, smiling down at her. "We better stop," she whispered a twinkle in her eye.

Sully groaned loudly giving a little shake of his head. "Alright," he said begrudgingly right before he placed another kiss to the side of her neck. As he moved to the side, he let his hand linger around her waist wanting to be connected to her as he said this next part. "Let's not leave until Thursday. That'll give ya a few more days with your sisters and I know you wanted the children to see the art museum and library. Ya don't have to see Josef if ya don't want to."

"Thank you," she whispered, placing a feather light kiss to his brow. "I don't know how I could do this without you." Sully smiled and moved closer to kiss her once more but she stopped him. "I think you better go before someone catches us."

"Soon it won't matter," he laughed.

"Yes but for now it does."

* * *

Josef remained out of sight for their last few days in Boston. Michaela spent time showing her little family Boston and spending their free moments with her sisters and their families. Even with this cloud hanging over their head, everyone was in good spirits. Michaela couldn't help but feel as if this may be the last time she would ever see her family again and she wanted to treasure every moment.

On their last morning in Boston, Michaela sat on her bed trying hard to figure out whether to see Josef one last time. Things had not ended well at the last meeting but more than that Michaela had not had her final say. Still was it worth confronting her father again simply to satisfy some internal desire to be heard. The children were downstairs, packed and ready to leave. Sully was readying the carriage and overseeing the packing of their bags. If she was going to speak to Josef once more, now was the time.

Quickly now Michaela stood, her mind made up. Her skirts rustled as she made her way down to her parent's bedroom, her footsteps echoing in the deserted hall. She knocked once at the heavy cherry door and then opened it a crack.

"Father?" She waited but there was no answer. Slowly she opened the door and let her eyes become accustomed to the low light inside until she could make out the form of her father on the bed. Michaela wasn't sure from this distance if he was sleeping or not but she entered quickly and made her way to the window, opening one set of curtains before moving onto the next window.

"You need light in here," she said turning to see him staring at her. "You told me yourself that the best atmosphere for recovery is one that is light and airy." She smiled as she spoke as if nothing had happened between them. Michaela was determined to give this final meeting between the two of them every chance for reconciliation.

"I'm not here to repeat what has already been said." Michaela sat down on the edge of the window as she spoke. "But we're leaving now and I wanted an opportunity to say…." The words hung unfinished. Michaela wasn't sure what she wanted the opportunity to say.

She looked right at Josef and started again. "We're leaving father. I may never see Boston again or …. you." Still Josef remained quiet, refusing to speak to his daughter. Michaela waited, trying hard to be patient. She counted slowly, asking herself what she would do when she reached one hundred.

Her patience grew thin, the hardened look on Josef's face not showing any signs of softening. "So is this how it's going to be again? The silent treatment?" She hadn't meant for her words to sound angry but they did and now she couldn't seem to bottle that emotion up anymore.

Josef still did not open his mouth but continued to stare straight ahead. His eyes seemed to be looking out the window but Michaela knew he was simply avoiding looking at her. It didn't matter; she had been through this before and now she knew how to face it.

"I'm not a child anymore father. The same tactics won't work. I remember wishing you would yell at me and get it over with. But instead I had to endure months of disappointed looks, months of being ignored as if I didn't exist. Months of your unspoken anger until I finally relented making myself miserable in order to make you happy." She paused here hoping her speech would get some rise out of Josef but he still acted as if he heard nothing. "That won't happen again. He has asked me to marry him again and I have said yes. I love him and there is nothing you can do that is going to change that. I tried to run away from that love to please you but I couldn't escape it. He is good to me father. He loves me and respects me as a doctor."

Michaela glanced over at her father again and noticed a single tear running down his cheek. She had no idea what the tear was for – whether it was a good sign or a bad sign. The thought that she was upsetting him while he was still recovering from his recent illness made her feel a little guilty.

"I love you too, father. I love you very much. Nothing will ever change that but you can't dictate how I'm going to live my life. Your bringing me into this world does not give you that right. I know I'm hurting you all over again and I wish to God I didn't have to." Michaela approached him now still unsure if she was doing the right thing. "We are leaving for Colorado today," she began gently laying her hand on his shoulder. "Please forgive me," she whispered, "for keeping so many secrets from you. Please find it in your heart to forgive both of us for whatever wrongs you perceive we have committed against you. And know that we want to offer you the same forgiveness."

Still he did not make a move to look at her or even acknowledge her presence. After a moment Michaela turned to go but stopped when she heard him begin to speak. "I have forgiven you," he whispered, "but there are always consequences to our decisions. You now have to live with those consequences."

Michaela turned. Josef expected to see anger there, expected her to rail back at him. Instead he saw something he was not expecting – pity. "No, Father, it's you who has to live with these consequences."

* * *

Colorado Territory- May 1866

Turning the last bend in the road, Michaela felt her heart soar as the town came into view. It looked just like she left it but it felt like an eternity since she'd been here. Before she'd left, her thoughts were often consumed about how others perceived her and Sully's relationship. Now, that all seemed so petty. Those fears were cast aside. Once again, she'd escaped from Boston and this time there was no going back.

Sully smiled over at her, not wanting to disturb the children just yet. They'd fallen asleep outside of Soda Springs providing a welcome respite to both of the road weary adults. Carefully, so as not to disturb Brian who was asleep between them, Sully reached out his hand towards her. Michaela met him halfway and they interlaced their fingers as they closed their hands around each other's. The late afternoon sun streamed in through Michaela's window and Sully thought he'd never seen her look more beautiful. It wasn't about her hair or face. It was something much deeper. A contentment. A sense of peace. It had clung to her since they left the house on Beacon Hill and somehow Sully knew that Michaela he knew and loved was fully herself again. It was this confidence that made her so appealing as of late. He would never have described Michaela as sexual but that was the only word that came to mind right now. Sully swallowed hard trying to figure out how this woman set off such an ache inside him.

"Suppose we should wake them," Michaela said longing to hold onto this moment for a bit longer. There was something in Sully's eyes that she wanted to explore but knew this was not the time or place.

"Suppose we should," Sully agreed. He let go of Michaela's hand to rustle Brian's hair. "Wake up sleepyhead."

"Colleen, Brian." Michaela spoke gently but her words did the trick bringing both children to life.

"Are we there?" Brian asked still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Sully raised his eyebrows, a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "Why don't you see for yourself."

Brian wasted no time in climbing over Sully and sticking his head out the window. "We're here," he shouted into the air as the coach rolled closer and closer to town. "I can see the saloon and Ma's clinic and Mr. Bray…." His voice trailed off but his hand was waving fiercely, his grin stretching from ear to ear.

The coach slowed and Sully grabbed Brian around the waist afraid he may climb straight out of the window in his excitement. It was true that there did seem to be a little crowd gathering. There was no hint of hesitation as Sully descended and then turned to offer his hand to Michaela. The children were hugging those who had come to greet them, already answering questions about Boston excitedly. Michaela and Sully were more reserved but both faces held big smiles. It was obvious they were all glad to be back home.

"Your father alright?" Hank asked, his deep voice cutting across the crowd.

Michaela nodded painfully, swallowing against the lump in the back of her throat. This was the one thing she didn't want to talk about. "He is back to his old self," she said with a halfhearted smile. Sully reached down and gave her hand a squeeze. Only the two of them knew that wasn't a good thing.

Hank nodded and turned to saunter back towards the saloon. He wasn't one for public reunions. The question was his way of saying he'd been thinking about her during this time.

Loren stood off to the side with his hands in his pockets, looking like he was lost in the commotion. "You two hitched yet?"

"Loren!" Dorothy's voice was a whisper but it was clearly heard in the now quiet crowd. Even Hank had stopped in his tracks though he hadn't turned around. The red head cast a sideways glance at him warning him to keep his mouth closed.

Michaela had not expected this question but found it easier to answer than Hank's. "No, not yet." She blushed as she spoke simply because she couldn't think of any better way to end this day then to be in Sully's arms. "We wanted to get married at home."

Grace smiled at the doctor warmly. "And that's just we're gonna do- have a big ole weddin'." While the others now talked excitedly about the upcoming wedding, Sully watched Loren's face. He couldn't read the expression he saw there and so he picked his way towards the old man at the edge of the crowd.

"Loren." His voice was quiet intentionally. This conversation belonged only between the two of them. "I never meant to trick you or anyone here." He paused here to give the words a minute to sink in. "I can't change what happened in the past. If things had been different…." Sully dropped his eyes to the ground, afraid the next line might set off an angry response.

"You would have married her and you would have been good to her." Loren didn't meet Sully's eyes as he finished his sentence. His face was screwed up in a grimace but Sully was fairly certain that was to prevent him from crying.

"I would have," Sully agreed. He meant it with every fiber of his being. He may not have loved Abby the way he loved Michaela but he knew he would have learned to love her. If he had learned everything over his life it was that love was a choice – one that had to be made every day.

Loren shuffled uncomfortably, his face looking grumpier still. "Ya deserve to be happy. I'm not gonna take that from you."

Sully felt the tension leave his body. It had been a long time coming but closure was finally here. "Thanks," he said quietly knowing that this was Loren's way of making peace.

* * *

_Sorry this is so very late in coming. I suffered a miscarriage and have been out of sorts since then but I'm trying to get back to writing._


	158. Chapter 158

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 158**

**Colorado Springs- May 1, 1866**

Michaela picked up the dust rag to continue her work. She couldn't believe how dusty everything in the clinic had become during her absence. When she first entered it looked like someone hadn't been here in years. She turned around surveying the scene again. Actually it still looked as if no one had been here in years. Michaela had never expected her first morning back at work to be so hectic but it was.

Before she left for Boston her biggest client had been Hank's girls. Many others still preferred Jake's barbaric treatments to being seen by a woman doctor. Yet her absence had worked some sort of magic. It was not something she could have explained but she was grateful for this change in opinions even if most of the visits seemed to be from people trying to find out more about their trip east.

Her first patient had been waiting outside when she arrived at the clinic that morning. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson were sitting on the bench both looking nervous. There was no question about the cause of the nervousness. The bump that had begun protruding when Michaela left Colorado Springs was now very large and low. The previous night had brought random contractions and very little sleep for the expectant parents. Michaela had examined the mother and then assured them both that these contractions were not the real thing yet but rather practice. Still as Michaela bid them farewell, she assured them that if they needed her she would come any time of the day or night.

After Mrs. Thompson, she'd opened the door to find Myra sitting on the bench. Myra was there mainly to catch up with the doctor but Michaela insisted on examining the young woman. She was worried about any possible infections Myra may have picked up in her absence but thankfully she found none. Myra had asked many questions about the upcoming wedding and Michaela realized she had put very little thought into the wedding thus far.

Still she had little time to even dwell on this as Myra left and Dorothy arrived. The red head was there mostly for information about the trip to Boston and such. Michaela even wondered if Loren had sent her as she examined an old burn that was healing just fine. Still she put some salve on it and wrapped it while answering all the questions fired at her.

Finally when Dorothy left Michaela found a few peaceful moments. She had so much to do, she thought and she wasn't just thinking about the clinic. There was a wedding to prepare for and one that the whole town now seemed to be looking forward to. Michaela made a mental note to speak to Grace later about the whole affair. The café owner had already offered her help when they'd disembarked from the stage coach and Michaela couldn't think of anyone she would rather have helping her. She stopped then catching herself. That wasn't exactly true. She wished Charlotte was here.

The bell outside of the door rang rousing Michaela from her thoughts and she shook her head. "I am going to get nothing done today," she said to herself as she crossed to the door. She opened it with a smile expecting to see someone with a made-up injury trying to get more information from her. To her surprise the man standing on the other side of the door looked as if he had just stepped off of the streets of Boston.

"Hello," she said as the man smiled at her. "Can I help you?"

"So the doctor is in?" The blond haired man chuckled at his own joke flashing a mouth full of large teeth.

"She is," Michaela replied, wary of the individual but wanting to seem friendly.

"Allow me to introduce myself." The gentlemen reached for her hand and made a little curtsy to her as he took her hand in his. "Preston Lodge the third," he said with a sweep of his free hand. "Of the Greater Boston Lodges of course"

"Of course," Michaela said narrowing her eyes. The name was familiar but the individual before her was not.

"So this is the elusive Dr. Michaela Quinn?" If possible his grin widened. Michaela didn't care for the way he was looking at her and she hoped that this would be a short visit. "I saw the commotion yesterday at the stagecoach," he explained. "I hope your visit back home was a good one."

"It wasn't a pleasure visit," Michaela corrected. "My father was ill."

Preston frowned appropriately. "I am sorry to hear that. I've only heard the very best about Josef Quinn. I pray things have ended well."

"He is recovering quite well." At this the grin returned to Preston's face. "Is there something I can assist you with Mr. Lodge?"

"Please call me Preston. I don't have any health concerns today." He patted his stomach as he spoke. "I am a man in his prime."

Michaela turned back into the clinic allowing her a moment to roll her eyes at this last comment. "Well Mr. Lodge, I am quite busy today. My absence from the clinic has left me with much to do."

Preston moved to stand just inside of the door taking off his hat as he entered. "I have noticed a steady stream of people in and out of here today. The people of Colorado Springs must be rather open-minded concerning a female doctor. But I suppose that is why you are here rather than in Boston."

Michaela took offense at this last statement. "Mr. Lodge," she began quite formally, "My presence here is none of your concern especially since you aren't here to be seen. Now is there something I can assist you with."

"I meant no offense Dr. Quinn. I myself am a forward thinking man." Michaela doubted that but remained quiet waiting for the interloper to announce his intentions. "I understand that you are engaged."

"I am." Michaela's response was terse as she went back to the dusting she'd been doing before he rang the bell.

He considered her for a moment. "Are you Josef Quinn's youngest daughter?"

Michaela stopped and looked over at him annoyed by these seemingly absurd questions. "Yes, I am," she said with a sigh hoping Preston would pick up on her annoyance.

"I thought you were engaged to the Lewis' youngest son. What's his name? Daniel?"

"David," Michaela corrected with a look of disdain. "I'm afraid that rumor has no truth, Mr. Lodge."

"I see," he said with a raise of his eyebrows. "Well, I am here because I would like to speak with your fiancé, a Mr. Sully I believe."

Michaela wanted to ask why but she also wanted to get rid of him. In the end the desire to be done with the conversation won out. "He's hard to get a hold of Mr. Lodge but he may be south of town working on our home."

"Thank you Dr. Quinn for the information." He placed his hat back on his head and reached out for her hand. Disdainfully, Michaela allowed him to take it in his own. "And remember if you need any bank services, I am your man."

"I'll keep that in mind," Michaela replied with a forced smile. "Good day." Preston nodded but said nothing more as he left the clinic closing the door behind him. Michaela watched him out the window, frowning as he climbed onto the porch of the saloon. She couldn't put her finger on it but there was something there that she did not trust.

* * *

Michaela handed the warm mug of coffee to Sully before joining him on the steps of the homestead. The moon was just visible above the tree line, bathing them in a soft yellow glow. The warm spring day had melted into a beautiful cool evening with a soft breeze that made the warm mugs feel good against their hands. Sully lifted his arm and laid it gently around Michaela, holding her protectively against his left side. A soft coo from her lips spoke of contentment and Sully couldn't help but feel the same. This was what he had missed while they were in Boston.

Michaela laid her head on his shoulder, briefly letting her eyes close. "I hope the clinic is not as busy tomorrow," she said, yawning about half way through her sentence.

Sully chuckled. "Lots of patients today?" he asked teasingly.

"Lots of busybodies," Michaela replied with a grin. She lifted her head and turned slightly to face him. "Did you know there is going to be a bank in town?"

"A bank?" Sully gave a shrug of his shoulders. "Who is opening a bank?"

"Preston Lodge, the third," Michaela replied with the same flourish that Preston had used earlier that day. "He's from Boston."

"Do you know him?"

"No, but I know of his family." She smiled at Sully. "And he wants to meet you."

Sully frowned. "Me?"

Michaela shook her head. "I don't know. He just asked where he could find you so that he could introduce himself. I told him that you weren't always so easy track down but out at the homestead was a possibility."

"Great, just what I need."

Michaela smiled sympathetically. "You look tired."

"I am," he agreed. "I spent the day tryin' to figure out what needs to be done at the house. I got a lot to do." He looked at Michaela apologetically.

Michaela did not notice the look, her mind already moving elsewhere. "Speaking of time – we haven't set a date."

"You said you didn't want to wait."

"I don't but well….." She hesitated, a light blush settling on her cheeks as her thoughts drifted to the difficulties of her current house. Sully laughed but then stopped noticing her discomfort with the subject.

"What about a late summer weddin'? I think I can finish it enough for us to move in by August."

Michaela smiled and shivered with excitement. "August is good. That will give me time to make plans."

"Plans?" Sully looked at her quizzically.

"You have to plan a wedding," she replied in a very matter of fact fashion. "You have to send invitations, plan the reception, ask attendants, find a dress…" She broke off as her mind continued to work over what needed to be done.

Sully frowned. "Couldn't we just keep things simple?"

"I'm planning to keep things simple," she snapped back an edge of annoyance in her voice.

"It don't sound like it to me." Sully's voice was muted but he pulled his arm away as he spoke. Michaela shivered as the night air struck where Sully's arm had been moments before. Somewhere inside of her that old feeling of rejection was threatening to take hold. Michaela pulled her shawl up around her shoulders tightly to keep out the damp air. She stood now looking down at Sully, feeling more like her old self than she had in quite awhile. A sense of enjoyment pushed down the fear of rejection and she pursed her lips out like she used to as a bossy little girl.

"And what do you know about weddings?" she leveled at him.

"I know enough to know I don't want a bunch of people starin' at me." Sully stood now too but Michaela climbed up onto the porch to remain higher than him. His eyes widened as she moved. He looked shocked. "You're tryin' to boss me around."

"Am not," she replied quickly putting her hands on her hips defiantly. "I'm trying to make you be reasonable but clearly I am losing that battle." Sully was more confused than ever. He couldn't figure out if she was really mad or if this was all for fun. Her fiery eyes were challenging him though and that was more than Sully could resist.

With a deep guttural growl, he lunged towards her capturing her tiny waist in between his hands. Michaela fought against him weakly as he lifted her off the porch and brought her down to his level. "Ya wanna say that again?" he challenged, holding her tight against his chest. Michaela sprang animal like towards his lips, clinging to his neck as their mouths melted together.

Sully stumbled backwards but regained his footing quickly, never breaking contact with her lips. His hands moved to cradle her face in his hands as Michaela pulled back, cheeks flushed and hair in disarray. "What kind of wedding do you want?" The look of challenge was gone, replaced with an air of victory.

"Whatever kind ya want," Sully muttered moving to close the distance between them again. He almost didn't recognize the minx that stood before him but he liked it. As his lips closed around her top lip sucking at it hungrily, Sully realized suddenly that he was in trouble. This was dangerous. Somehow in this moment, Michaela could have asked for practically anything and he would have agreed. This was more deadly than her tears.

"Dr. Mike?"

The voice out of the darkness startled them both and they quickly broke apart. Michaela's hands flew to her hair which she soothed backwards as Sully tried to calm his ragged breath. "Yes," she replied, her voice high and thin.

Stepping closer Mr. Thompson looked just as nervous as he had that morning. His hat was in his hands and he was wringing it unmercifully. "I think the baby's comin' Dr. Mike. Laurel's hurtin' awful bad."

Michaela smiled. "Alright, Mr. Thompson. Just let me get my bag." She turned to look at Sully. "Would you mind?" she asked knowing he could read her thoughts.

"I'll be here til you get back," he said with a smile.

Michaela mounted the steps quickly and suddenly found the door open before her. "Can I come Dr. Mike?" Colleen was dancing eagerly from one foot to the other. Michaela frowned, not at the girl's question but at the fact that she'd obviously been eavesdropping. Michaela scolded herself mentally. These next few months were going to be difficult but they would have to be more careful. "Can I?" she begged, folding her hands in a pleading manner. "I'll stay out of the way and be real quiet."

"Get dressed, "she said to the young girl. "I can always use a second set of hands." The frown was replaced with a smile as Colleen jumped across the room to pull on her skirt. Michaela picked up her bag, remembering fondly the first time she'd assisted with the birth of a baby. She expected a pang of sadness. After all it had been at her father's bequest that she'd been present at the birth, but she found that she could remember the good times without remembering the bad. And Michaela knew that healing had finally begun.

* * *

**Outside of Colorado Springs – May 3, 1866**

"Mr. Sully?"

Sully looked up, sheltering his eyes from the sun. He didn't recognize the figure before him but assumed this must be the gentleman from Boston that Michaela had spoken of. "Yes?"

Preston offered Sully his hand, a wide smile on his face. Sully eyed him suspiciously as he reached down for his water skin ignoring the greeting. There was something in his stance or perhaps in his smile that Sully did not trust.

Preston stood awkwardly for a moment before withdrawing his hand. "My name is Preston Lodge and I am new to your fair metropolis."

"Yeah, 'Chalea told me you stopped by the clinic yesterday." Sully shook his hair back out of his face and picked up a new board to lay it across the sawhorses.

The smile returned to Preston's face with the mention of Michaela's name, though he wasn't pleased with the man's unfriendly nature. "It is a small world. I can't believe that I had the privilege of meeting one of Dr. Joseph Quinn's daughters in the middle of Colorado Territory of all places."

"Mr. Lodge, I don't mean no disrespect but I got a lot of work to get done. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Mr. Sully, I can tell you are a man of business." Sully frowned at this obvious flattery. "I myself am a man of business and that is why I am here today – for business." Preston paused for a moment but continued when he realized Sully was not going to speak. "You can imagine my surprise when I happened upon this beautiful home in the middle of such wilderness." Preston flourished his hands to indicate the homestead, his eyes running greedily over the building. Still Sully remained quiet forcing Preston to get to the point. "I can see you are a man of few words, Mr. Sully, so I'll get to my point. I'd like to buy this house."

Sully considered the ground for a moment then looked up at Preston. "Ain't for sale."

"I realize that something this beautiful would be hard to let go," Preston continued as if Sully had not said a word. "But I'm prepared to offer a very fair price."

"It ain't for sale," Sully repeated, this time a little more forcefully.

Preston cocked his head to the side and studied the man before him. It only took him a moment to make his assessment from Sully's clothes and hair. "Mr. Sully, I am not sure you quite understand. I'm willing to offer you more money than you've probably seen in your whole life. Certainly you would like to start off your marriage being able to provide for your bride."

Sully felt anger bubbling right beneath the surface. He had not taken kindly to Preston from the first moment he laid eyes on him but these last words did not sit well. "It ain't for sale Mr. Lodge. And that's all I got to say on the matter."

"Sully, Sully, certainly you are a man of reason." Preston spoke down to Sully as if he was speaking to a small child. "I'll let you name the price."

"There is no price. I ain't selling."

"But…"

Sully turned his back on Preston as he picked up his saw to get back to work. "Ya' wastin' your time Mr. Lodge."

Preston didn't speak again but he stood considering the mountain man for a moment. Sully continued on with his work as if Preston was not there. Slowly, Preston turned around to return to his horse. His face felt flushed. He was not a man used to being refused especially by someone inferior to him. "I'll bid you good day Mr. Sully," he called as he mounted his horse. "And if you change your mind…."

"I won't," Sully interrupted.

"But if you do, you know where to find me."

* * *

_Hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading!_


	159. Chapter 159

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 159  
**

**Colorado Springs - May 15, 1866**

The checkered tablecloth fluttered against her leg but she paid no mind to it. The telegram was stuck under the edge of her untouched plate so that it wouldn't blow away. How could two weeks have gone by already? It seemed like just yesterday they had boarded the train in Boston. Time had a nasty habit of marching forward without regard for the casualties it took in its wake. Today, Michaela felt like one of the casualties.

It had been easy to set the date. It was May fourth when they'd agreed on August fourth for the big day. Three months seemed like an eternity. And it was an eternity if you were longing for the night when Sully wouldn't have to say good-bye anymore. But what felt like an eternity in an empty bed at midnight was much shorter by the light of day.

Where had the past two weeks gone? What plans had she made? None! That was not completely true, she thought to herself looking at the telegram. She had sent the wedding date to Boston and Rebekah had made arrangements for a dress. Thank goodness for her sister. It was one thing that she would not need to be concerned about. Plus it meant Rebekah was coming and if the telegram could be believed, Marjorie too. That news caused her spirits to soar until it hit her that there were only 11 weeks until the wedding.

"Somethin' wrong with the food Dr. Mike?" Grace stopped at the side of the table, concerned that the doctor had not even taken a bite of her food.

Michaela looked down, only now realizing she wasn't eating. "No, Grace. I'm just preoccupied."

Seeing the telegram, Grace put down the pitcher in her hand and took the seat next to the doctor. "Nothing's wrong is it?"

"No," Michaela replied quickly realizing how things must look. She laughed nervously "I know this is going to sound silly but it has just occurred to me that I am getting married in 11 weeks and I haven't made the first plan."

Grace hit the doctor on the arm. "Well you ain't gotta do it by yourself." Michaela looked up at Grace to see an excitement shining in her eyes. "I would love to help," she said slyly.

"Really?" Michaela seemed unsure about the offer even with Grace's wide smile.

"Really." Grace covered the doctor's hand with her own. "Weddings are my specialty."

Hank put his hands down hard on the other end of the table. "And bachelor parties are my specialty," he laughed, raising his eyebrows provocatively. "So you tell Sully that I am already planning his."

"Go away, Jake." Grace stood as she spoke shewing him off with a wave of her hands.

Hank gave a shrug of his shoulders. "Offer still stands," he called over his shoulder as he retreated.

Grace sat back down. "Are you going to get married in the church?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Michaela considered the church for a moment but then had a better idea. "Or maybe outside." Grace looked excited at the possibility but Michaela suddenly looked unsure of herself. "I guess I should ask Sully what he thinks."

It was now Grace's turn to laugh. "Good luck with that," she said playfully. Michaela looked at her quizzically. "I guarantee he says that it's up to you. Men only care about one part of the wedding and that ain't the part that happens in front of other people." Michaela instantly blushed but smiled. "It's gonna be mighty warm in that church in August. I say we do it outside."

"In the meadow," Michaela agreed. "With the church in the background." She felt the anxiety from earlier being replaced with true excitement.

"The reception could be right there as well. Of course I'll make the food and we'll get Loren to play the fiddle so we can have dancin'."

Michaela spoke in a low voice as her eyes settled on Loren seated only a few tables away. "That is probably not the best idea Grace. Loren isn't too keen on our marriage."

Grace waved her hand in front of her face, swiping away Michaela's worry. "Oh he'll come around. Now don't you go worrying about all of this. Worry ain't never helped anyone. You gonna see that everyone is going to come around. After all everyone loves a wedding."

* * *

**Colorado Springs, Colorado – June 1, 1866**

From the moment he awoke that morning, he was a man on a mission. The idea had first occurred to him two days ago when he'd seen the headline in the Denver newspaper, but it took time to put things in motion. After all, the stage didn't run everyday. If he had his way though, that would all be changing soon. His talent for seeing the potential was what had gotten him here and it would propel him on to greatness. Preston Lodge, the third, was a name for the history books. He straightened his silk cravat in the mirror and then pinned a flower to his lapel. One final look in the mirror made him smile.

"You looking dashing, sir," he said to himself before picking up his top hat and placing it on his head. He gathered his satchel and let himself out the door.

The saloon was quiet but the streets of Colorado Springs were already bustling with activity. The stagecoach waited down the street a bit. Preston stood on the porch of the saloon and checked his pocket watch for show. Michaela had just ridden up in front of the clinic and he watched her descend from her horse. He still couldn't wrap his mind around this civilized woman from Boston marrying that long-haired half-breed. Preston knew he wasn't really a half-breed but he might as well have been from the image he projected.

Michaela fetched her black doctor's bag from her saddle after tying up her horse and finally noticed Preston watching her. "Good morning, Mr. Lodge," she called stiffly.

Preston smiled widely and gave a wave of his hand. He might not care for Sully but he knew that Michaela was a wealthy women. Coming from a powerful Boston banking family, he had heard rumors of the money Michaela was left by her grandmother. A telegram returned just over a week ago had confirmed what he had hoped - Michaela did not yet have access to that money. That was why today's trip was so important. He needed to set things in motion before the couple gained access to that money.

From this distance he could see the stage making preparations to leave and so he made his way down the street, smiling to those he passed. Preston exchanged a few hasty words with the driver, then handed up his bag to be placed with the other luggage before boarding. He was the only passenger, which suited him just fine. This, he thought to himself, was going to be a good day.

* * *

**Boston – June 3, 1866**

Marjorie uncurled one of her loose locks from Patrick's finger and kissed his forehead. "You are a sleepy little one," she said as he began to fuss again.

"Here ma'am." Mary smiled and held out her arms for the baby. While Patrick reached for his mother's hair again, he quieted when he saw Mary and went to her easily. The governess cradled him against her side as if he was her own and turned to start up the stairs. Marjorie watched the two of them go, only turning back to her company when they reached the top of the stairs.

"She is very good with him," Rebecca said as Marjorie walked back towards the open doors of the parlor.

"Mary has been a godsend. You saw how she is with Patrick and it's the same with the others."

Elizabeth sighed loudly. "At least she has managed to tame the wildness in Elise, something you couldn't seem to do."

Marjorie laughed, not letting her mother's quip bother her as she walked back to her seat. "It's true," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "But Elise had to grow up too quickly. She has always been wise beyond her years but emotionally she has had a hard time."

"You'd never know it now," Rebecca chimed in. "She is going to be a heart breaker."

That made Marjorie smile even wider. "I don't know. Beth seems to be the one googly eyed over boys right now. All she can talk about is Michaela's Matthew. This could be a very interesting trip."

Elizabeth's frown deepened if possible. "Then perhaps you should reconsider taking them across the country." Marjorie and Rebecca exchanged a glance. This was their chance.

Rebecca set down her teacup and folded her hands in her lap. "Mother, we would like to talk to you about Michaela's wedding." Elizabeth grunted unpleasantly but remained quiet. "I really think you should reconsider coming with us."

There was a moment of silence during which it appeared that Elizabeth was actually considering it. Marjorie quickly spoke up, hoping to add to Rebecca's plea. "Wouldn't you like to see where they are going to live? And where Michaela practices medicine?"

Still silence prevailed from their mother. Her eyes were fixated on something just out the window as she considered her words carefully. "Of course I would like to see those things and most of all I would like to see Michaela get married." She paused sucking in a sharp breath to avoid a tear from spilling down her cheek. "But it's impossible. I cannot leave your father in his present state." Her words were reluctant but firm.

"Will says he would stay behind with him. For goodness sake, you couldn't possibly leave him in better hands." Marjorie was smiling and animated as she spoke, hoping that this offer might persuade her mother.

Elizabeth's head snapped upright as she looked to her daughter. "Good lord, Marjorie! I can't believe you are even suggesting such nonsense. Three women going across the country without a male present. This is not like traveling down to Baltimore. These people are uncivilized!"

Rebecca remained calm but Marjorie's fiery temperament flared. "Michaela went there by herself if I recall! And Rebecca has been with Emily and …"

"This is not a topic I wish to discuss any further. I am not going." Marjorie opened her mouth to protest again but Elizabeth cut her off. "That is the final word on the matter."

Marjorie sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest as she puffed out her cheeks. Rebecca, still composed, spoke. "We won't mention it again mother. But perhaps you would consider helping us choose a dress for Michaela?"

Elizabeth smiled at her oldest daughter's suggestion. She was grateful Rebecca was trying to keep her involved even if only in this small way. "That would be lovely."

"Good." Rebecca smiled and reached over to pat her mother's hand.

Elizabeth turned to face Marjorie, ready to address her daughter's poor attitude. "There is no reason to pout like some school girl. It's not as if I told you that you can't go. Though honestly, I can't believe that you are going to travel with all the children across the country."

This did not help to improve Marjorie's mood. "William is going and I'll have extra help with Rebecca and Emily. Besides William says we can take Mary with us."

"You are going to look like gypsies traveling with that caravan." Elizabeth looked exasperated as she threw her hands up in the air in frustration. Rebecca gave a look of warning to her sister. There was no need arguing with their mother. She would say what she had to say and then it would be over if Marjorie would just keep quiet. "I don't know how I managed to raise five daughters who are so different. I try to figure out what I did wrong but honestly I just think it's the age. Do you know that I actually saw a woman wearing some type of pants the other day? It was disgusting! She had on some skirt that hit just below the knee and then those things!"

Marjorie rolled her eyes but held her tongue. She didn't dare tell her mother that stashed upstairs at this very moment she had her own set of bloomers. She knew better than to wear them out in polite company. Elizabeth would be the first to know and the shock of one of her daughters being so liberated might be enough to actually kill her. Still she liked the rebelliousness that she felt just knowing she owned a pair. "To each his own," Marjorie said quietly but Elizabeth just shook her head.

"Marjorie, thank you for tea. This was a nice afternoon out of the house but I really must get back to your father." They both knew this was more of an excuse then the truth. Josef was in very capable hands at the moment. Still neither protested. It was hard to take much of Elizabeth when she was in one of these moods.

"Thanks for coming by," Marjorie said as she stood. Elizabeth hugged her briefly before turning to Rebecca.

"Bye, mother," Rebecca added, standing to receive the same token of good-bye. Elizabeth didn't speak again until she said something to one of the servants at the door but the girls could not make it out from this distance. Once they heard the front door close, both instantly relaxed.

"That was a disaster," Marjorie declared, pulling her feet up beside her in the chair. "Really that woman can be so hard headed."

Rebecca laughed. "And Michaela's just like her."

Marjorie joined in the laughter. "You can say that again. Still I wish she would reconsider. I have a feeling she is going to regret this decision for the rest of her life."

"Probably," Rebecca agreed. "But you do have to understand how tenuous her position is. All those things she said about traveling across country was just an excuse.' Marjorie nodded knowingly. "It has to be hard to go against your own husband's wishes," Rebecca added.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Marjorie said with a smile. "But still, I know what you mean. So let's just think about how much fun we are going to have." Both girls smiled. They had quite a few surprises in store for Michaela.

* * *

_Thanks for reading._


	160. Chapter 160

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 160**

**Denver – June 4, 1866**

Preston placed the end of the cigar in his mouth drawing in as he lit it. He sat back in the leather chair and took another puff off the cigar blowing a smoke ring in the air. He smiled his big toothy grin at the man across the desk from him. "These are wonderful," he said examining the cigar between his fingers. "I haven't had a cigar this good since before the war."

The man across the desk smiled. "This, my dear boy, is the sweet smell of the south."

Preston laughed. "Reason we couldn't let them secede. The south is worth too much."

The gentleman laughed. "You are just like your father. Preston, I don't know why you don't just settle down here in Denver. We could be partners you know."

Preston considered that for a moment while he took another draw off his cigar. "You haven't seen Colorado Springs, Harvey. That place is a gold mine and I am going to mine it for all it's worth."

Harvey leaned forward over his desk now. "I'm afraid I don't have good news for you Preston on that matter you wired me about." Preston sat forward too now listening eagerly. "I mean it was an ingenious thought. You are right – property rights ceased with the Treaty of Guadalupe Hildago. A lot of land has changed ownership in California due to the switch to English common law after the treaty was signed. But I've done my research and I don't believe Colorado Springs was part of the territory governed by Mexico. Besides as far as I can tell that land was owned by the mining company before this Mr. Sully acquired it. He owns the land fair and square."

"When has fair and square stopped us before Harvey?" Preston raised his eyebrows. He needed a partner in this scheme. It could not appear that Preston was after that land.

Harvey opened a folder on the side of his desk. "I've already given some thought to that." He pulled a typed letter out from behind some papers and passed it to Preston.

The letter was addressed to Byron Sully from the mining company explaining that the land that they had sold him was not rightfully theirs to sell. A fake lawsuit was listed with an explanation that they had to return the buyer's payment and that the land would return to the rightful owner- the United States Government. Preston grinned broadly. "The original payment?" Preston asked as he finished the letter.

"We'll have to refund the original payment but that will be a small price to pay." Preston nodded. "The letter also states that unbeknownst to them the land has been sold to Armstrong Development Company. And when Mr. Sully contacts me to purchase the land, I'll explain its already been sold to you."

Preston sat back in the chair again and took another drag off his cigar considering the plan. "Do you think this will work?"

"You said the couple is preoccupied with a wedding?" Preston nodded. "And you said that this Mr. Sully was not someone of means, correct?"

"He isn't but his soon to be wife is from Boston. She is a doctor. The one thing going for us is that she does not yet have access to the trust in her name. Apparently her father is not happy with this marriage." Preston looked worried but the older man dismissed his worry.

"You have nothing to worry about Preston. By the time she has access to this money, everything will be taken care of."

"You are a genius Harvey."

"It's not foolproof," the older man warned.

"I realize that. But I'm willing to give it a try. What do I owe you?"

It was the older man's turn to smile. "Nothing. I certainly don't mind helping out an old friend's son."

Preston smiled widely as he stood to reach across the desk and shake Harvey's hand. "Thank you, sir. And if I can be of any assistance to you in the future, please do not hesitate to ask."

Harvey stood. "Of course, Preston. I'll keep that in mind." He watched Preston pick up his hat and leave the office before he sat back down at his desk. The older man smiled to himself. It may have taken thirty years but he was finally going to get his revenge on Preston's father. The loss of five thousand dollars was enough to make anyone bitter and Harvey had a long memory. It was his turn to have the last laugh.

* * *

**Boston – June 15, 1866**

Outside of White's Dress Shop in the heart of Old Boston, the day was preceding as normal. Carriage wheels rang out as they rode over the cobblestone streets. A boy selling newspapers on the corner cried out the morning's headlines to attract passing customers. A little girl, who had escaped momentarily from her mother's hand, stood with her nose pressed against the large glass window of the dress shop watching the interesting scene inside. In the middle of the sales floor, Michaela's niece Emily stood on a small wooden platform modeling the tenth wedding dress of the morning. Without even asking her, it had been agreed that she was closest to Michaela's size and stature and thus would become their model. Elizabeth was on a settee propped up on velvet cushions and barking out orders to the salespeople and her daughters alike. Beth sat next to her grandmother giving her opinion right along with everyone else. Elise was in a chair near the corner, her feet tucked up under her, with a book in her hand very Michaela like. It was a most curious scene but the little girl did not get to see the outcome as her mother grabbed her hand and directed her down the street.

Marjorie stood beside Rebecca debating the merits of the current dress. "It does have a beautiful neckline."

"I still like the last one better," Elizabeth added wrinkling her nose up. Emily sighed loudly. This meant she would have to try on yet another dress.

"What do you think Emily?" Rebecca asked. Emily looked tired but smiled at her mother.

"I think that Michaela would like something simple, something less…." She hesitated as she looked down at the current garment fingering the rows of lace and many ribbons that ornamented the bodice. "Just less."

Elizabeth nodded. It might not be her preference but Emily was correct. "Then I say we go with the second one."

A salesgirl held up the second dress that Emily had tried on. It was a rich ivory silk with a back that laced up like a corset. The only extravagant ornamentation was a train that could be bustled. Rebecca fingered the material again as Marjorie walked around, examining it from all sides.

"I think we have a winner," Marjorie proclaimed.

"Good," Emily said a little too enthusiastically. "This is not as much fun as I thought it was going to be." Rebecca and Marjorie laughed while Elizabeth looked on disapprovingly. Emily disappeared with one of the salesgirls into the dressing room.

Elizabeth stood and began to move in the direction of the wedding bonnets. She had already picked out one when her daughters joined her.

"Mrs. Quinn," the salesgirl said approaching from the other side. "With the gown being so simple and elegant, perhaps a nice piece of lace as a veil. Many brides today are wearing orange blossoms in their hair with just a simple veil. Queen Victoria's fashion seems to be all the rage now in America." She smiled widely, revealing a set of small teeth that made her look mouse like.

"Now this is beautiful," Elizabeth said fingering a netting embroidered with pearls that matched the color of Michaela's dress.

"'Oh grandma," Beth exclaimed. "That is beautiful. Aunt Michaela will love it."

Rebecca and Marjorie exchanged a look. This might be the only thing they agreed on this easy. "We'll take it," they said in unplanned unison to the salesgirl making everyone smile. Marjorie had already spotted some intimates on the far side of the store but she wasn't sure how her mother would react if she looked for something for Michaela. Still she looked at them longingly.

Rebecca caught her sister's attention and shook her head. They could come back later to find something appropriate for Michaela's wedding night. Elizabeth, sharp as ever, had caught the whole exchange. "I've already picked out a beautiful peignoir," said she surprising them both.

She could read the shock on their faces and it made her laugh for the first time that day. "I am counting on the two of you to speak with your sister…" Elizabeth looked over to make sure Beth and Elise were well occupied. Seeing that they were, she continued. "…about her first night as a wife and her….duties." She spoke in a hushed voice, her eyes scanning constantly to make sure no one was listening.

"We will," Rebecca assured her.

"Good." Elizabeth looked very pleased with herself and turned to make her way to the counter.

Marjorie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Do you really think we can make Michaela dread her wedding night as much as mother made us dread ours?"

Rebecca stifled a laugh. "We can try," she said with a devious smile to her sister.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – July 1, 1866**

A late afternoon sun cast shadows as it came through the clinic window illuminating the doctor as she sat at her desk. If someone had observed her, they would have thought she was hard at work pouring over files. On one corner of her desk was a small stack of folders, containing the files of the patients she had seen that morning. One was open before her and she held a fountain pen in her right hand poised to write on the file. Yet a closer examination would show that the doctor was absorbed not in her work but in her thoughts.

Five weeks. She was going to be married in five weeks. That was the only thing she seemed able to think about recently. Michaela wasn't as concerned about the planning anymore. Grace had already done so much and as of late Dorothy had taken an interest in helping as well. It turned out Grace was correct – everyone was excited about the upcoming wedding. Michaela still couldn't believe how different the town was from the one she'd left a few months ago. People who had once shunned her as a scarlet woman were now only too happy to greet her on the street. Even Hank and Jake seemed interested in the wedding plans, though neither would have admitted it freely.

Michaela looked up at the clock and put down the pen. She looked at the files and felt a little guilty that she had not finished them, but she knew it was useless. Even if she stayed to work on them, she would not be able to concentrate. Giving in, she closed the file and added it back to the pile to complete tomorrow. Michaela stood and closed the open window instantly shutting in the heat of the day. She pulled the curtains closed and turned down the wick on the oil lamp until it went out. One final check of things in the clinic, and she departed, securing the door as she left.

Just as she was about to mount Flash, she heard her name being called. "Dr. Mike, Dr. Mike." The voice was Horace's and he was practically running in her direction.

"What is it Horace?" She was already undoing the tie that held her black satchel certain that something must be wrong.

"Nothing, Dr. Mike. Just got a letter here for Sully and wanted to catch you before you left."

Michaela shook her head and smiled, holding out her hand for the letter. "Thank you," she said to Horace who looked pleased that he had caught up with her.

"You're welcome." He turned back towards the telegraph office as Michaela once again pulled herself up to mount Flash.

Michaela had planned to ride straight home but this gave her an excuse to ride out to the homestead which excited her. Sully had made so much progress and she loved to see his work. And if she was honest with herself, she would like to see him as well. He'd been working day and night to get the house done in time for the wedding and she found that she was missing him more and more. As the house came into view, Michaela slowed the horse, watching the house closely for any sign of life. Perhaps Sully had already left for the day though Michaela found it hard to believe.

When the front door opened, she found her heart beating fast in her chest. Sully was shirtless as he stepped out into the warm afternoon unaware of her presence. Reaching down to a bucket, he used a ladle to scoop up some water and bring it to his mouth. Once his thirst was satisfied, he scooped up another ladle full and poured it over the top of his head, shaking his hair and spraying water droplets all around. Michaela's breath caught in her throat as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Her skin flushed as she began to feel strangely aroused.

At that moment, Sully spotted her giving a little wave before heading in her direction. Michaela dismounted nervously, unable to take her eyes off her fiancé. As he approached, she felt suddenly shy and wished she could hide from him. "Whatcha doin' here?" he asked when he was a short distance from her, his eyes twinkling with happiness.

Stuttering over her words, she answered him. "I… I had some free time before dinner…and a letter came for you today…" Sully stopped in front of her now, the water glistening on his chest and Michaela found it hard to concentrate on her words. It was not the first time she had seen him without his shirt but she found herself noticing details she had not before. The way his muscles rippled underneath his bronzed skin made her breath catch in her throat. Then there was a very light line of hair that started just below his belly button moving downward until it met his buckskins. It was the first time she had ever had a desire to follow that line of hair.

"I finished the downstairs this morning. Wanna see it?"

"Sure," she whispered her eyes still not meeting his. It was only then that he realized what had her so distracted. Laughing he reached over and pulled her close making her squeal. "Sully you're getting me wet."

Michaela had seen other men look at her the way Sully was right now but it had always frightened her. Strangely, she felt no fear. Still holding her tight, he placed a soft kiss to her forehead trying to resist his own urges at that moment. He looked down at her mischievously. "You were lookin' at me."

"Where else would I look?" Michaela asked but the blush on her cheeks admitted to being caught.

"Ya like what ya see?"

"Sully," she chastised teasingly dropping her head to hide her smile. Leaning in he nuzzled her ear sensually. "I've missed you."

"Soon," he breathed out into her hair. "Soon we'll be together everyday. Ya might even get tired of me."

Michaela looked up and giggled. "Or you might get tired of me."

With that they both laughed, knowing that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The desire on both of their faces was a testament to that fact. "Come on," Sully said stepping backwards and taking her hand in his. "Let me show you the house."

"Oh, let me get your letter." Michaela pulled back on his hand but Sully resisted.

"That can wait." Michaela met his smile and followed him up the stairs of their new home.

* * *

_Thanks for reading!_


	161. Chapter 161

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 161  
**

Denver – July 3, 1866

Facing the past was never a pleasant venture and this business with Preston had dredged up a lot of old feelings that had long been buried. It was only nine in the morning but Harvey had already poured himself a glass of whiskey. He told himself it was to steel his nerves but he feared he was letting the alcohol have control again. That could not happen; this was too important. He had waited so long and now everything was within his reach.

Opening his top desk drawer he pulled out a small gold locket and fingered it in his left hand. This was the only thing he had left of her and it was precious to him.; more precious than all his money or possessions. Taking a deep breath, he opened the clasp and lay the locket open. His hand closed over the glass of whiskey and he took a swig. The locket held the picture of a young woman. He didn't need the picture to remind him what she looked like. Every night she haunted his dreams.

He gripped the arms of his leather chair hard, a look of anger etched on his face. The girl was his cousin, Preston's mother. But this was something that Preston did not know. In fact, Preston had never known his mother. She died while Preston was still a baby. What a stroke of luck that he'd met Preston on the young man's first foray to Denver a year ago. Harvey knew then that Preston would help him get what he wanted but he never guessed that it would all fall into place so easily. There was a part of Harvey that knew that he should not use Preston to get his revenge but he couldn't help but to feel that Preston was responsible for his cousin's demise. She had caught a fever after giving birth to him and never recovered. Besides, in the short time Harvey had known him, Preston had proved himself as ruthless as his father.

Harvey looked down at the locket again and swallowed hard. He wasn't there when she passed. He didn't get to say good-bye or hug the one person in the world that he had truly loved. Preston's father and Harvey had been in business together. The business was so successful that Preston's father had convinced Harvey to sell shares in the company. Three years later when everything fell apart, it was Harvey indicted for fraud while Preston's father came out clean. Ten years in a New York prison was a long time for Harvey to plot his revenge.

Taking the glass in his hand, Harvey sat back in his chair and considered the ceiling. The letter should be there by now. He had yet to hear from this Mr. Sully but he couldn't wait to inform him that this was nothing more than a common fraud to acquire land falsely. He had already transferred the dummy company into Preston's name so that he would be left holding the bag. And if wild west justice held true, Preston's father would lose something precious to him just as Harvey had so many years ago.

Harvey wanted him to know that it wasn't the money he'd lost or even the jail time that made Harvey so bitter. No, the thing that caused this deep hatred was what that evil man had made his cousin believe about him. She wouldn't even speak to him after the conviction. She never visited him in jail or even wrote to him, though he wrote to her every week. He tried to tell her that he had not scammed those people out of their money but rather that it had been her own husband. Harvey sighed loudly and then took a deep drink of his whiskey. She had never believed him and had gone to her deathbed thinking him a criminal. Love was blind. That was a lesson he knew all too well. But greed could be blind too and Preston's greed was going to be his ruin.

* * *

**New Homestead, Colorado Springs – July 4, 1866**

Sully stood in front of the homestead in a daze, letting his eyes run off the facade. This house represented every dream he had of their future. When he first started to build, it had been his daily reminder of Michaela. Months of not seeing her had been eased by knowing that they would someday live here together. After their break-up, this house was his demon; the reminder that he would never have the one thing he wanted most in the world. Just recently all of that had been redeemed and yet now….

His thoughts went numb as he reread the letter in his left hand for the thousandth time since they had opened it. Michaela was certain that the whole situation would be remedied and she brushed it off as a mistake, but Sully wasn't so sure. Things were going too well recently, too perfectly. Sully looked up at the sky and balled up the letter in his fist angrily. Finally his chance for happiness had presented itself and now this had to come along and mess it up.

Michaela's lack of concern bothered him. She had quickly changed the subject when he'd brought it up again last night. Sully knew she wanted to believe everything was going to work out – that they were finally going to have their happy ending, but he could not erase the unease that had settled in the pit of his stomach. Last night, Sully barely slept. The few hours he did get were interrupted with dreams of losing the house and worse, dreams of losing Michaela. He could not let this happen. Tomorrow, he would ride to Denver and speak to the company that now held the land. He had a little money left that he had planned to use to finish the house but if that would be enough to buy the land or perhaps begin to pay on the land, they could wait on moving into the new homestead.

The sun's position in the sky told him it was time to leave. There was a Fourth of July celebration in town but he had no desire to celebrate, especially not in his sleep depraved condition. Michaela was expecting him though. Besides there was no use doing work on a house that might not be his anyway. With one final look at the structure, he turned to where he had tied his horse. He would ride in and tell Michaela he wasn't feeling well or that he wanted to work on the house. She would understand, he hoped. He noticed the pain then for the first time. It started then as a tiredness that he thought he could remedy with sleep but how it would end would be much different.

* * *

**Town, Colorado Springs – July 4, 1866**

Red, white and blue banners hung from storefronts and decorated the front of the church. The meadow seemed transformed. A newly built fence enclosed an area where boys and girls would try to catch a greased pig. A pole was erected not far away and the reverend was on a ladder greasing the sides of it for the greased pole event. Jake was arguing with some other gentlemen about how far the bases should be apart for the baseball game that would take place later in the afternoon. Grace had set up under a grove of trees and Robert E was helping to unload baked goods from the back of a cart.

Matthew drove the rig with Michaela sitting beside him. In the back were Brian and Colleen, arguing over who was going to get to carry the picnic basket. Michaela did not stop the fight. She was too concerned with her own worries at the moment. She had expected Sully to meet them at the homestead this morning and to come to town with them. When he had not showed up, she assumed he had lost track of time working on the house. She tried not to worry, telling herself he would be along soon.

Other families were arriving too. They all set up in the meadow spreading out large blankets on which to eat their picnic lunches. A group of children were over watching the reverend grease the pole, others were scheming about the best way to corner the pig. Some of the boys had taken off their shoes and were wading in the little creek that ran near the meadow. This is what caught Brian's attention.

"Can I go to the creek, Ma?" Brian asked as soon as the wagon slowed. He had already forgotten the picnic basket and was pulling off his shoes and socks in the back of the wagon.

Michaela laughed when she turned around to look at him. "Sure," she said, "just be careful."

"I will," he yelled jumping out of the wagon and running to catch up with the other kids.

Michaela watched him go before accepting Matthew's hand to help her down. She had been careful since her move from Boston not to appear too ostentatious in her choice of outfits but today she had made an exception. She was wearing a dress made of deep royal blue silk. Michaela had chosen it in what felt like another lifetime. The light shimmered off it in such a way that Michaela looked as if she was sparkling. She had already drawn several stares but today she didn't care. The dress was impractical but she didn't care. It would be perfect for the dance that would occur after the games this afternoon and she was certain Sully would like it.

Colleen helped her get things arranged. They spread out a checkered cloth on the ground. The red and white looked festive against the green grass. Michaela fetched the picnic basket and they added this to the blanket, unloading some of the contents as they went. Matthew had wandered off already after situating the horses and Michaela looked around to see where he'd gone off to. She saw him over near the church talking to a blond haired girl, a little too intimately for her liking.

"Colleen, who is that?"

The red head looked up quickly in the direction of Michaela's gaze and giggled. "That's Ingrid. I think Matthew likes her." Michaela frowned. This was something she was not prepared for. A thousand thoughts flashed through her mind including her very limited education when it came to sexual matters. Most of what she knew she'd learned during brief encounters with Sully and through exposure in medical school but even there it wasn't a subject discussed freely. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Her head felt fuzzy and she sat down before she fell over.

"Ya okay Ma?' Colleen kneeled down next to the doctor with a look of concern on her face.

The doctor waved away her worry with a sweep of her hand. "Just a little dizzy. I'm fine now."

Colleen seemed satisfied with the response and stood, looking around to find her best friend, Becky. She was over by the creek watching the boys splashing in the water and Colleen headed off to join them.

Michaela was left alone with her thoughts that bordered between Matthew and this new girl and her wedding night. Thoughts of the wedding night finally won out. She had been looking forward to being Sully's wife for so long but she had not given tremendous thought to the wedding night. Michaela didn't like to feel unknowledgeable about things. She knew the basics and she understood from comments that her mother had made that it was not a particularly enjoyable experience for women. Yet that information did not seem to fit with conversations she'd overheard her sisters having. There had been times when she and Sully had been younger when they'd had less control. Nothing had ever happened but Michaela remembered those times fondly. She liked being close to him and was having a hard time imagining not enjoying this new sense of closeness.

It was in the midst of these thoughts that Sully rode up but she was too preoccupied to notice. Sully too was preoccupied with his own worries. It was the set up for the perfect storm but neither saw it coming. Sully dismounted and tied his horse to a tree before Michaela noticed his presence and stood.

"Sully," she said cheerily, a wide smile on her face. She didn't notice how haggard he looked or the dark circles under his eyes. "I was starting to get worried about you."

"I'm sorry. Just at the house this morning."

"I thought you might be. I was afraid that I was going to have to send Matthew you to fetch you," she teased.

Sully shook his head but didn't smile. "Actually I just came to tell ya that I'm gonna skip all this. I gotta lot of work to do." He shuffled his feet nervously as he spoke but Michaela still didn't notice his agitation.

Michaela took a deep breath and looked down at her dress. Her face was crestfallen. "Alright," she said with a touch of sadness in her voice. "I wish you didn't have to though."

Sully looked up at her and saw what he had been missing. He noticed the dress and her hair finally. The sparkle in her eyes was gone, leaving a feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry," he said dejectedly. He knew he should stay but the pain behind his eyes was starting to get worse.

"It's alright," Michaela assured him trying to hide her disappointment.

Sully reached over to take her hand and give it a quick squeeze. She moved into him quickly, taking him off guard. The side of his head was throbbing now and instead of pulling Michaela close, he raised his free hand to his temple and moved backward out of the direct light. Michaela felt rejected, and that rejection made her anger flare.

"Michaela?" Sully questioned reaching out for her weakly.

"Go on if you need to," she said coolly.

"'Chaela…" he began but then stopped. He couldn't do this; he had to get out of there right then. He made it to his horse somehow and pulled himself up. Michaela never turned to watch him go. Something she would regret later on.

* * *

_More to come….._


	162. Chapter 162

**Homecoming**

**Early Morning July 5, 1866**

With slow painful steps he stumbled forward. The undergrowth threatened to trip him and he fell forward catching his hands on a tree and cutting them in the process. He rested there a moment, praying that the pounding in his head would go away. The moon was bright cutting a clear path through the woods, something Sully normally would have been grateful for but not tonight. All light had become his enemy. He closed his eyes for a moment and rested but felt no relief.

Pushing off of the tree, he made his way forward once again. He took larger steps now but slower. Every movement felt jarring and magnified the pain in his head threefold. Finally through blurry eyes, he could see the outline of the house. He was unsteady and unprepared for the steps. Sully tripped on the second one and wasn't as quick to catch himself this time, making a loud noise as he hit the porch floor hard.

Michaela sat straight up in bed at the noise. Her heart was pounding and she silently cursed Sully. Normally he stayed somewhere close by in the woods and it always gave her a feeling of protection. She had looked for him earlier and even spent some time calling his name but she could find no evidence that he was near. That had made her furious. And now this. Another noise on the porch stirred her to action. Matthew's gun was in the corner. She had never fired a gun before, never even really held a gun before but she would need to be convincing if she was going to protect them.

"Ma?" The whispered voice belonged to Colleen. Thankfully Brian was still asleep. "What was that noise?

"I don't know," Michaela whispered back. "I'm going to see." She grasped the barrel of the bun and raised it placing her right hand on the trigger. She steadied it against her shoulder and started toward the door. A low moan caught her off guard and Michaela lowered the gun.

"Ma, what are you doing?" Colleen was at Michaela's shoulder now.

Michaela raised her hand to silence her. "Go back to bed," Michaela whispered as she raised the gun once more. Colleen did not listen but took a step backward to appease the doctor. Michaela shifted the gun slightly in order to open the latch on the door. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she would encounter once she opened the door. She firmed her grasp on the gun and then quickly threw the door open. The moonlight bathed the porch in light but Michaela was not looking down at first so missed Sully's crumpled form until another moan caught her attention.

"Sully?" Michaela lowered the gun to her side and then laid it on the porch as she knelt down. "Sully?" she asked again frantically. The fury she'd felt earlier melted at seeing him in obvious pain. "Where are you hurt?" Her eyes roamed his form trying to find the injury.

Sully squinted up at her in the moonlight, his hand clutching his head. "My head," he muttered, his voice cracking as he spoke.

Michaela turned quickly. "Colleen," she called loudly. "Go get Matthew!" Sully moaned loudly at the noise. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she moved to cradle his head in her hands.

Colleen stepped gingerly around Sully's form and then took off for the barn. It felt like it took forever for Colleen to appear with Matthew but eventually they did. With Matthew's help, they managed to get Sully up and settled in Michaela's bed but it was not easy for any of them, Sully especially. Michaela worked quickly to relieve his pain. She started by mixing some powdered morphine with a little water and holding it to Sully's lips. Michaela always hesitated to use morphine- she had seen too many addicts in her short life but this was a circumstance that called for it. She only hoped that the little morphine she had with her would do the trick.

Colleen brought a compress with a bowl of water to dip it in and laid it against Sully's head. Michaela smiled at her. "Would you put some water on the fire, Colleen?" The young girl nodded eagerly. "We need to brew some willow bark tea."

"I'll do it, Ma," Colleen assured her.

"Michaela?" It was Sully blinding reaching out for her.

"I'm here," she said soothingly. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"The house…lose…. the house…." Sully's language was broken and hard to understand but Michaela pieced it together.

"Don't worry," she whispered as she mopped his face with the cool compress. "We aren't going to lose the house."

His hand found hers and he clung to it. "Hot…" he managed to mutter as his free hand ripped at the shirt that clung to his body.

Michaela lay the compress against his head and then twisted her hand so that it was gripping his. She gave it a quick squeeze before letting go to work on his shirt. She was all business as her fingers nimbly moved to pull his shirt free of his buckskins and start to unbutton it. Yet as she pushed the shirt to the side revealing his bare skin, her breath caught in her throat. Michaela's thoughts were interrupted though by another moan that brought her back to reality.

She dipped the compress back into the water and then laid it against his chest running it over his clammy skin. Sully shivered suddenly under her touch but seemed to relax. Michaela continued to mop his skin with the compress and Sully turned his head to the side, his breathing slowing and becoming more even.

"Ma, tea's ready." Colleen stood at her mother's side proffering a cup with the murky liquid.

Michaela smiled. "Thank you Colleen but I think he's fallen asleep."

"That's good, ain't it?"

Michaela ignored the wrong grammar with a shake of her head and a tiny smile. "That is very good," she agreed.

* * *

Michaela didn't realize she had drifted off until she heard Sully's voice calling her. Her eyes fluttered open to see that the sun was just beginning to rise. She sat forward, her neck protesting as she moved it from the funny angle in which she had fallen asleep.

"Chaela?" Sully asked again. His voice was weak and low still but Michaela thought he looked a little better. "Where am I?"

"Sh," Michaela soothed. "You're in my bed."

Sully smiled weakly. "Always wanted to be here."

Michaela shook her head. "I guess that means you are feeling better. Can you sit up?" Sully lifted his head gingerly but immediately lay back down with a moan. Michaela frowned. "Lay still."

The doctor moved quietly to rewet the compress and lay it against his head. "Do you think you can drink some willow bark tea?"

"Yeah." Sully raised his head again, squinting through the pain as Michaela held the cup to his lips. The tea was cold now but Sully drank it slowly until he had finished the entire mug. Then he lay back down cautiously as if his head was made of glass.

"That should help," Michaela said raising a hand to rub at her sore neck.

"You should lay down. Can't be comfortable sleeping in that chair.

"I'm okay," she assured him. "Besides my bed is a little full." Michaela smiled as she picked up the compress and stroked the side of his face with it.

Sully smiled weakly and closed his eyes. Michaela started to sit back when his eyes opened wide with a look of fright. "The house," he said trying to sit up. "I gotta ride to Denver."

Michaela pushed him back down. "You aren't going anywhere. Not in this condition." Sully fought against her for a moment but then the pain won out. It wasn't as bad as he remembered it being the night before but it was still disabling.

"Chaela." His voice was strained. "I've gotta take care of this."

Michaela frowned again as the pieces began to click into place. "Has this business with the house worked you into this state?"

Sully did not reply but the consternation on his face spoke volumes. "I'm sorry," she whispered moving closer to him. "I didn't realize…" Her words failed her for a moment and she moved back into her chair to think. She honestly hadn't given the letter another thought, her mind preoccupied with the wedding preparations. Now that she realized how upset Sully was though, she knew that she could not dismiss it so easily. "I'll take care of this," she said sitting forward a bit but Sully did not look convinced.

"I ain't lettin' you go to Denver alone." He tried again to sit up and he did though it was painful.

"I'm not going to Denver," Michaela assured him. "I'm going to send a telegram to the lawyer in Denver who helped me buy the clinic. He'll advise us on what to do." Sully remained seated though, a determined look on his face. "You need to rest. I promise this will be taken care of."

Sully did not want to rest but he knew that he wouldn't get far in his condition. He was going to have to trust Michaela in this circumstance. It was harder to do than he wanted to admit but he knew it was important for now and for their future together.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – July 8, 1866**

The sun was high in the sky of as Preston emerged onto Hank's porch. He had noticed the men who had arrived only a few short minutes ago. They stood out because of their dress. The one could have been a business companion of his own – the crisp white shirt underneath the dark suit jacket. The other wore the badge of a lawman, a common site in many small mining towns. It was unusual here in Colorado Springs though where they had no sheriff to speak of. There was a building that was used for a jail and had housed the sheriff's office when the mine at Cripple Creek had been booming. The post had been vacant for several years and no one seemed in a hurry to fill it.

Preston had perched himself at a table near the window to watch the men. He was not surprised when they entered the doctor's office. Preston was not a patient man. He found it hard to wait for the conclusion of his plot to get the homestead but now it finally seemed if things were moving. But the two men's arrival had him slightly worried. He understood the presence of the one man, who Preston assumed to be a lawyer of some sort. The sheriff's presence was a mystery.

Curiosity got the best of him as the minutes crawled by. His move to the porch was a sign that his impatience had become too much. Of course, he should not worry: this plan was foolproof. The men had been inside for longer than he expected but perhaps that was because there had been tears and begging. Preston tried to imagine Michaela in such an undignified state and for a moment he actually felt bad about what he was doing. It was short lived though when he thought of Sully. Still he hated this messy side of his business deals and was glad he was not privy to this one.

When the clinic door finally opened, he stood up a little taller trying his best to look nonchalant. The stage coach was loading now and Preston smiled knowing that when the two men boarded it, the homestead would be his. It would still take some time but finally things were moving in his direction. Preston brushed off the lapel of his suit jacket and smiled to himself. He glanced up to see Sully leading the men out of the clinic. Micahela moved into the doorway and shook both men's hands. Her eyes caught Preston's at one point and he swore he saw them narrow. Could she suspect him? No, that was impossible, he assured himself.

Michaela backed into the clinic as Sully pointed across to where Preston stood. The sheriff tilted his hat towards Sully while the other man shook his hand. Preston could not have felt more confused now. In a minute that confusion was replaced with shock as the lawman, after confirming Preston's identity, placed a pair of hand cuffs on his wrists.

* * *

_Sorry for my absence. I had hoped with school ending to have more free time but alas that was not the case. Hopefully with a few things behind me now my time will increase. Hope you enjoy!_


	163. Chapter 163

**Homecoming **

**Chapter 163**

**Colorado Springs – July 8, 1866**

There were three places in Colorado Springs to hear the latest news. There was the Barber Shop where Jake was only too happy to pass along stories he'd acquired from previous customers or at Hank's the night before. The tales here grew bigger as the day went on especially if Jake was drinking. It was often hard to separate the truth from fiction.

If you were apt to take a drink now and then, Hank's was a good place to hear the latest news. Hank and his girls saw and heard more than most people in town and could often add details that few others knew. Unfortunately, it was not the sort of place where respectable people would be seen, especially during the day.

That left the Mercantile. The Mercantile was really the only place for women to hear the latest town happenings. It helped that Loren and Dorothy both were prone to sharing all they knew, discreetly of course. Maude was more tight- lipped depending on the subject, but today no one was quiet. Only Sully and Michaela knew the full story of course but the townspeople had wasted no time filling in their own details.

It was Loren that saw the two men exit the clinic and approach Preston standing on Hank's porch. He was too far away to hear what was said though. Hank, on the other hand, heard every word or at least he claimed he had. It was Hank who had identified the man as a Federal Marshall rather than a local sheriff. The other gentleman was a lawyer from Denver. Hank claimed they arrested Preston on charges of federal fraud but that was the extent of his knowledge.

Horace stood silently to the back of the crowd that gathered in front of the Mercantile's main counter hoping to go unnoticed. He was as curious as the rest of the town's people but only now did he realize the sticky situation he was in. As the town's telegraph operator, he knew much more about why Preston was arrested only an hour ago. Hopefully, no one would think of this.

It was Dorothy whose eyes first alighted on him first. The red head smiled widely. "Horace," she called over the murmurs of the crowd. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this?" Her voice was sweet, her slight southern accent becoming very pronounced suddenly. His eyes grew wide and he shook his head furiously from one side to the other making his large lips flap comically. Several heads now turned in his direction, hopeful looks on each face. "Oh, Horace." Dorothy waved her hands for emphasis. "You've got to know something."

Horace looked down sheepishly now, wishing he could disappear into the crowd. "I took an oath. You know I can't tell ya anything." The looks turned slightly murderous now and Horace's lips twisted strangely until his eyes caught sight of Dr. Mike at the open door of the Mercantile.

"Hello." The doctor had a wide grin on her face as she surveyed the crowd. "Is there a sale?" That made some move to disperse, looking like children caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Loren, worried that he might lose out on two cents quickly corrected the doctor's sarcastic remark. "Oh, Dr. Mike, we're just talking about Preston."

Michaela's eyes twinkled but she suppressed her grin this time. "Well, by all means, don't let my presence stop you." She began to push through the throng of people at the door, her shopping basket held aloft in front of her. Several mouths dropped open, each wanting to ask what the doctor knew but no one found the gumption to mouth the words.

When Michaela reached the far side of the crowd, it was Horace, out of desperation, who finally found his voice. "Dr. Mike, can ya just tell 'em what happened?"

Michaela turned trying not to look too superior. "I will but only because I want to correct any untruths that may be circulating. Preston Lodge was arrested this afternoon on federal fraud charges."

"We know that," someone called out impatiently.

"We want to know why." It was Loren this time, standing on tip toes to see the doctor.

"It appears that Mr. Lodge was trying to take possession of some land here in the Colorado territory that had already been sold. Part of that land belongs to Sully. We received a letter that appeared to be from the federal government informing us that the original land sale was not valid." Several confused faces made her stop and clarify. "In other words, the homestead that Sully has been building would not belong to him anymore."

Several nodded in understanding and so Michaela continued. "I contacted a lawyer in Denver who looked into the matter for us. It was discovered that the letter was a fraud and the original sale was in fact valid. The fraudulent letter was traced back to Mr. Lodge."

Hank gave a low whistle as his signature sly grin appeared. "Apparently old Preston wasn't quite the pansy I thought he was." He raised an eyebrow at Jake as he spoke.

Jake nodded in agreement before adding, "I knew there was something not quite right about him from the first time I saw 'im." Others muttered in agreement to this statement while some rolled their eyes at Jake who was always somewhat gullible.

"What's gonna happen to him?" Myra asked.

Michaela shrugged. "That will be up to the judge that will hear the case."

Loren frowned, suddenly annoyed. The story he'd been inventing in his head was better than the truth in this case. He let out his frustration on those standing around in his store not buying a thing. "Well, that's that," he said. "Move on." No one listened at first, several talking amongst themselves. This time Loren raised his voice. "Buy somethin' or get out!"

Michaela shook her head at the old man as the crowd dispersed. She turned back towards the shelves, glad to finish her shopping. She knew the story would be the talk of the town for days and that she would most likely have to face further questions but that did not worry her. Her only concern for now was getting home to Sully and the children.

* * *

**Boston - July 9, 1866**

A softening heart is a strange thing. For some it sneaks up on them and takes them by surprise. One moment they feel firm in their self-righteousness and the next they succumb to love's weakening blow. For others, it is more of a process – a chipping away if you will. And sometimes the biggest chunk falls after one final rebellion. It was this way with Josef. He had stood guard over his self-righteousness vigilantly not letting love work on him, though he would not have seen it that way. Like a child, he still pouted, holding a grudge that formed quickly and grew year after year.

That grudge still had a stronghold on him and he was nursing it more than usual this night in particular. There would be one final blow. Josef had used his illness to manipulate many things and now there would be this final thing. It would show the extent of his hatred and it would be enough to scare him. This he would not admit until much later.

The plan was simple and in many ways genius. It was certain to get the sort of reaction he wanted and though he knew he was taking a big risk, to him, it seemed worth it. Josef had waited, pretending to be asleep for hours. It was hard not to drift off when your eyes were closed, your breathing even. He felt tiredness lapping at him like waves on the seashore but he did not give in. Somewhere in the black night, a church bell tolled the hour and Josef silently counted the strikes. One. Two. Three. Slowly he opened his eyes, as if they might make a noise to awake his wife. Again, he waited. Listening now not to church bells, but to her breathing, barely audible at this moment.

With slow careful movements, he sat up and then listened once again. His recovery was getting along better than he let on and he knew he could make it smoothly to the bedroom door without getting fatigued. Adrenaline pumped though his veins and it energized his tired mind. He crossed the bedroom slowly, keeping his path away from creaky floorboards. The door opened soundlessly and he left it open a bit to make sure Elizabeth heard the impending events.

The newel post was under his hand before he knew it, his eyes following the descent of the stairs. It would be quick, he told himself. For some reason, a painting from many years ago was flashed through his mind. He was young then – only eight years old. He was at St. Joseph's, in the old chapel before the renovations began a few years ago. His grandmother went to mass there every morning. Josef could still hear her heavy Irish brogue. "Be quiet, Josef. Do not squirm so much." He had wandered away after the mass into a side chapel. There he found a painting that terrified him but he could not look away from it. The painting was of a saint, which one he did not remember now. He was in the desert surrounded by demons – one held him by the hand. Josef remembered wondering why anyone would hold hands with a demon.

Remembering this painting was one of those moments when love sometimes wins out and conquers the darkness that threatens to consume us all. The thought that he was now taking the demon by the hand bothered him fleetingly but Josef's will was tenacious. He reminded himself that Sully had robbed him of his daughter – his perfect, beautiful daughter. And now they were both threatening to rob him of the rest of his family. He was in the right and he would not let some ill placed piece of guilt derail him.

Josef gripped the banister and shuffled his feet so that they teetered off the edge of the first step but then shook his head. This would not look natural enough. He moved down a few steps and took a deep breath. He cried out before he even pushed off the banister, in case the sound of him falling was not enough.

* * *

**July 10, 1866 – Colorado Springs**

Elizabeth always said bad things happened in threes. Michaela thought that was plain superstition and was usually annoyed when her mother quoted it after someone's death or other unfortunate occurrence. She prided herself on never believing in such foolishness but recent events seemed hell bent on making a believer out of her. There was Sully's migraine that had temporarily created a barrier between the two of them. And of course there was the discovery of Preston's treachery. With a shake of her head, she dismissed the thought that something else was about to happen. Things were okay now. Sully was back to his old self and Preston was securely locked away in a Denver jail.

There was the looming threat of the house not being finished to worry her. With less than a month to go, things were progressing but not as quickly as Sully would have liked. He cast doubt on the house being finished so often that Michaela assumed that it would not be done in time. She was certain her sisters would keep the children at the clinic for a night or two after the wedding to give the newlyweds time but after that it would be four individuals in one large room. The makeshift rooms they made with old blankets would not afford them privacy. A slight blush appeared on her cheeks when she even thought about the children seeing the two of them enter the same bedroom, let alone having them in the same room. It would not be forever though. If life had taught her nothing else, Michaela had learned the lesson of patience. If they had to wait, they would wait.

These were the thoughts occupying her mind as she sat at her desk. She looked down at the chart in front of her and sighed. She needed some patients to keep her busy. That would give her less time to think about all these things she really had no control over anyway. When the knock came to the clinic door, she was thrilled. A real patient meant distraction.

"Come in," she called, looking at the door with anticipation. Horace threw the clinic door open and entered hurriedly. He looked so frantic that Michaela stood immediately certain something was very wrong.

"Here," he said thrusting a piece of paper towards Michaela, an apologetic look on his face.

Michaela looked perplexed but took the paper. The words looked so black against the page as she read them. Somewhere in the back of her mind she must have comprehended what she read but right now her head was swimming. She teetered forward slightly and Horace, for once, did something right. With his lanky arms, he managed to catch her as she fainted.

When she came to, she was lying down on a cot with the telegram still clutched tightly in her hand. Horace's face hovered over her as well as Myra's. It was Myra who spoke. "Sully's on his way," she said to reassure the doctor. "You were lucky that he was in town."

She heard his voice before she actually saw him. "'Chaela?" he questioned. Michaela tried to sit up but she gave up when the blackness threatened to engulf her once more. "You alright?" His eyes searched her face hungry for her to answer as Myra and Horace took a step back.

"I'm fine," she assured him but he knew better. She looked down at the telegram in her hand and held it out to Sully. It was only then she felt the dampness on her cheeks.

"Uh…. We'll leave you two alone," Myra said elbowing Horace in the ribs so that he would start moving towards the door.

Sully nodded. "Thanks again for helping her, Horace," he mumbled as he turned the paper over so that it was upright in his hands. Michaela watched his eyes dart back and forth as he read the text and tried to keep her breathing even.

"He fell?"

Michaela nodded. "Broke his ankle and arm."

Sully looked at her incredulously. "And now your sisters ain't comin'." Michaela could have sworn that she heard Sully swear but it was so low she couldn't be sure. "I think he planned this."

"Sully!" Michaela chastised. "He's a recovering stroke patient. Falls are quite common."

"Down the stairs? Why was he going down the stairs by himself?" Sully felt his anger growing.

Michaela sat up now and patted the area on the cot next to her. "Sit down," she said with a sigh. Sully followed her directions albeit reluctantly. "I don't know why he was attempting the stairs by himself. He is rather stubborn."

Sully nodded in agreement, and then laid his head back against the wall. "Ya can say that again."

Michaela moved closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes I think some force out there is trying to keep us apart." Sully laughed and leaned over to kiss her on the head. "Is it not enough that my father hates us?"

"We can postpone the wedding," Sully offered. The words came out before he had time to think them through and he groaned as he finished.

It was now Michaela's turn to smile. She raised her head and looked straight at him. "Mr. Sully, I have waited far too long to be your wife. At this point, I don't care who shows up at our wedding as long as we are there."

"But…"

Michaela placed her finger across his lips to silence him. "There are no buts. On August fourth I am going to become your wife." Her eyes flashed wildly and Sully saw firsthand her determination. Passion stirred inside at him seeing her so worked up over marrying him. His tongue darted out to lick his lips but Michaela did not seem to notice. She was still talking but Sully wasn't listening.

It was his turn to silence her now. In one fluid movement, he turned and took her completely in his arms, pressing his lips against hers. At first, her hands pushed against him but she succumbed in the very next moment. It was Michaela who opened her mouth slightly allowing Sully to sandwich her bottom lip between his. He pulled at it teasingly. Curiously, he opened his eyes to get a glimpse of the look on her face and found her eyes staring back at him.

He let go of her lip and moved back. "Your eyes are open?" A wide smile was perched on his lips.

"Your eyes were open to," she replied with a playful slap against his chest. Her cheeks turned crimson and she buried her face against his chest, breathing him in. "I just don't want to miss any moment of us."

* * *

_Loves it when my muse cooperates!_


	164. Chapter 164

Homecoming

Chapter 164

**July 15, 1866**

When you grew up in the lap of luxury you never had to wear patched up clothes. When something was worn, you threw it out or gave it to a servant. Michaela's clothes were always boxed up every summer and given to Martha for other less fortunate children to wear. Even though she'd never worn patched up clothes or hand me downs, she had recently become acquainted with the feeling. Patched clothes were good enough but not what you wanted. And that is how life felt right now – good enough but not quite what she wanted.

It wasn't a feeling she could share with Sully for fear he wouldn't understand. It wasn't the wedding that wasn't quite good enough. That was the one bright spot on the horizon right now. Everything else in her life had that patched up feeling though. There was a new house but it wasn't done. She had suggested they move in anyway but Sully didn't want that. He wanted everything to be perfect. Michaela decided not to push the matter. It was important to Sully for everything to be perfect and if that thought made him happy, Michaela would not deny him that.

Then there was the matter of her sisters. As hard as she tried not to think about it, Michaela knew that their absence would feel like a big empty hole on her wedding day. Sully had caught her in a moment of weakness just the day before. Tears were threatening to fall but she held then back no matter how bad the back of her throat burned. Sully wasn't fooled but he didn't pry either. He simply held her close until she could speak without her voice cracking.

Finally there was the business of her father. She missed him terribly. Not the Josef who currently sat in Boston, too proud to forgive her. She missed the man Josef was before secrets gave birth to grudges, before grudges became vendettas. Sometimes at night she dreamed of him, of his embrace. When she awoke from these dreams, her cheeks were wet and her pulse racing. Soon there would be no hiding these from Sully but she was not fearful of discovery. Rather she longed to feel his embrace after those moments.

What Michaela did not know was that her luck was about to change. The first would come as a surprise from Sully, the second as a surprise from her sisters and the third was a change that would not be fully realized right away. That didn't matter though. What mattered was that the change was crouching at her door and not at her door only.

* * *

**Boston – July 20, 1866**

The sun was very warm but a gentle breeze blew off the Charles for which the priest was grateful. Black robes and a hot July day were not a good combination. People actually stared as he passed but he was not offended. A priest outside of the church was a sign someone was dying, someone needed last rites. The priest himself wondered if that was his purpose on this day. He did not know why his presence had been requested at the Quinn residence but given Dr. Quinn's health as of late he could assume.

It was Martha who opened the door when he rang and he greeted her warmly. She was one of his parishioners just like the Quinn family. The inequalities here were stark but in church, they were all sinners, all in need of grace. This irony always made the priest smile and today was no different. After pleasantries were exchanged, Martha began to lead him upstairs but the priest stopped her.

"Martha," he said and then paused, wanting to be sensitive in his next words. "Is Dr. Quinn's condition grave?"

Martha gave a quick shake of her head. "He's got a broken ankle and a broken arm but he's not any closer to death than you or I." The priest looked perplexed. "Father, it's his heart that needs mending, not his body."

The priest noticed how quiet the house was as they finished their climb and he couldn't help the feeling of sadness that came over him. He did not stop again though, not until Martha asked him to wait just outside of Josef's bedroom door. The wait was short. She returned and invited him in before exiting the room herself and shutting the door.

"Dr. Quinn?" The priest hesitated at the foot of the bed.

"Father. Thank you for coming." The voice was weak and most would have assumed the weakness was due to his physical condition. The priest was not fooled. He had sat at many bedsides and heard many confessions. This was the voice of a burdened heart. "Pull up a chair."

The priest did as he was told and sat close to the older man's side. "What can I do for you Josef?" He already knew the answer but it seemed as if Josef was waiting for him to ask.

"I need to make confession."

The priest nodded. "Speak, child," he said though he was at least twenty years younger than Josef.

The doctor raised his good hand and made the sign of the cross as he spoke. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned." He knew what he was supposed to say next but the words stuck in his throat. It was alright, the priest was patient. "It has been one year since my last confession." He lowered his head but his eyes remained open. "O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you. I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the occasions of sin. Amen."

"What are your sins my child?"

Josef breathed deeply and began. He had practiced this several times this morning. There was so much to say and slowly over the next hour it spilled out ending with his plunge down the stairs. The priest listened intently, asking questions to clarify when necessary. As Josef finished, he looked drained and the priest sat forward slightly.

"Josef you have chosen to tell me the inner depth of your heart but this is only a first step my child. You must make penance for your sins." Josef swallowed hard as the priest spoke but his attention remained focused. "You must right things with your daughters, especially with Michaela."

"I don't know how," he said honestly.

The priest nodded as he carefully regarded the older gentlemen. "If your confession is true, God will show you the path."

"And my penance?" Josef was expecting to hear the penance he often heard as a teenager – to say the rosary or light candles for some saint.

"This is your penance my child." The priest lowered his head slightly and gripped Josef's good hand. "God the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." The priest let go of Josef's hand during this last part to make the sign of the cross and so Josef could do the same.

Their eyes met. "Thanks be to God," Josef mumbled, tears stinging his eyes.

"Go in peace," the priest whispered. "And sin no more."

The words filled the empty space and hung in the stale air of the room. They would not leave for a long time. Their job was to haunt Josef until he had done his penance but that would take time. Remember, the softening of a heart is not always an easy thing.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – July 25, 1866**

Perhaps she should have realized her patched up life was about to change that morning when she mounted Flash. After all, there was a certain lightness in the air. The oppressive heat of the last week had lifted. The gray storm clouds that had gathered each day but never released any moisture were gone. Left in their wake were big balls of cotton and a sky that was a brilliant blue. But Michaela's mind was elsewhere. It has been a busy week at work and while Michaela was glad for the distraction, the wedding was fast approaching. The townspeople were certainly aware of that fact and that may have been why in the weeks preceding the wedding everyone seemed to be in need of medical care. But even if they just wanted to talk wedding, Michaela didn't care. After all, it was her favorite subject.

The first patient that morning was waiting for her when she arrived. As she dismounted Flash, she saw Mrs. Henry seated on her bench with three of her little ones seated beside her. It was easy to see the problem the minute Michaela rounded the corner.

"Oh my," she said looking from the oldest Henry boy to the youngest girl. She suppressed a grin, knowing they were miserable and were most likely making their mother miserable.

"Dr. Mike, they got the pox." There was no other word to describe Mrs. Henry but weary. You could see the tiredness around her eyes and hear it in her voice. She turned around to see the middle child scratching his stomach and she swatted at him. "I told ya to stop scrathin' it."

"But Mama, it itches."

Michaela leaned down to get a better look at the little boy's face. "How would you like to have something to stop the itching?"

"You got somethin' like that?" The tow haired boy smiled widely while absent mindedly scratching his head which earned him another swat from his mother.

Michaela stood and moved to the open door. "Come on in," she said invitingly. "I've got just the thing to help you out."

Twenty minutes later all four Henry's marched out of the doctor's office. The youngest girl was smiling widely admiring her pink polka dotted skin. The boys were trying to hide their own polka dots. Neither had been thrilled when they found out they were going to be painted with the pink lotion but Michaela insisted on treating them immediately to try to stop the itching.

Mrs. Henry turned back towards the open door. "Thank you for this," she said holding up the glass bottle of calamine lotion.

"Remember," Michaela said. "Cool baths with some soda will help as well. You must keep the sores clean."

"We will," Mrs. Henry assured her.

Michaela watched them go and then closed the door of the clinic. True to the experience of the last week, the door did not stay shut for long. The next patient to arrive was Myra for her monthly check-up. Michaela thanked her again for helping out on the day she'd fainted. The exam was quick but Myra lingered wanting to talk about the wedding. Michaela didn't mind it. She could see that the young woman was dreaming about her own wedding day. Michaela hoped that this was a dream that Myra would one day realize. She didn't want to think about the girl spending the rest of her life working for Hank.

Their conversation was cut short by a knock at the door and the arrival of another patient. There were ten patients in all that morning. Michaela treated everything from a rash to a splinter stuck in a little boy's foot. It was only when she said goodbye to the splinter patient that she finally glanced at the clock. Michaela took off her apron, upset that she was already late. Quickly she locked the clinic door and made her way to the livery.

Mounting Flash, she dug her heels into the horse's sides and took off at breakneck speed out of town. She was supposed to be meeting Sully for a picnic lunch right now but the morning's busyness delayed her. This was the second time this week she was late to meet him somewhere and she feared he would take her lateness the wrong way. Things were so perfect recently that she didn't want anything to disturb the tranquility of their lives. They were eating together at the homestead today – the original one that Sully built for her in what seemed a lifetime ago. Even though she'd accepted the fact that he would not finish before the wedding, Sully still worked on the house morning, noon and night.

Rounding the bend, the house came into view and she brought Flash to a halt, awed by the structure in front of her once again. The fact that Sully lovingly built every bit of it never ceased to amaze her. A figure emerged from the door and she instantly recognized it as Sully, making her once again race forward. Sully met her as she approached a large smile on his face.

"Sorry," she hastily apologized. "It was a busy morning."

"Lots of sick people huh?"

"Sort of…. I had the feeling some were only there to see if they could find out more about the wedding." She shook her head as she spoke, blushing terribly. "I'm probably just paranoid."

"Nah – I'd say you're right on. We've givin' 'em somethin' to talk about for the next few months." He laughed as he spoke, reaching up his hands to lift her down.

Michaela moved quickly into his embrace as her feet hit the ground. "You're not mad?"

"Actually I'm kinda glad you were late. Gave me time to finish somethin'."

"To finish what?" she asked, her eye sparkling with excitement.

Sully smiled and lifted his eyebrows reveling in the secret a few minutes longer. He leaned down and kissed her lips gently. "Come on, I'll show ya."

Michaela eagerly grabbed for Flash's reigns tying her to the post in front of the house and then following Sully up the stairs. On the porch, Sully surprised her by lifting her up in his arms, one arm under the crook of her knees and the other firmly holding her back. "Sully," she squealed. "What are you doing?"

"Carryin' ya over the threshold," he replied as he maneuvered the door open, giving it a gentle kick with his foot. Michaela leaned in and kissed him once more before he stepped inside and planted her firmly on the floor. Her eyes roamed the rooms before her, admiring the work he had finished since the last time she was here.

"It looks done down here," she said happily taking his hand in her own. "Is it only the upstairs that remains?"

A secretive look fell on Sully's face. "Come on, I'll show ya." Michaela wasn't sure what to make of his expression but she followed him nonetheless. It was only as she stood in the hallway, all the bedroom doors open before her that she realized why he looked like he did. It was finished – all of it was finished.

"You're done?" she asked hardly able to believe it.

"I'm done," he confirmed pulling her down the hall. They passed the first open door and moved to the next one. "This will be Colleen's room."

Michaela peeked inside and smiled. "It's beautiful."

Yet Sully didn't allow her to go in but pulled her along. "This will be for Brian and Matthew." This time she didn't even get to comment before he pulled her forward once more. They passed another smaller bedroom before entering the one they had at first skipped. "And this is our bedroom," he announced not only stopping at the door but pulling her inside.

"Oh Sully," she murmured, feeling overwhelmed by the sight in front of her. "It's so beautiful." She walked immediately to the fireplace running her hand over the stone mantle. Quickly she crossed to the windows, struck dumb by the view that greeted her. "Beautiful," she whispered again. Sully came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head against hers. "That other room?" she asked. "Who is that for?" Inside she already knew the answer but she wanted to hear him say it.

A gentle laugh escaped his throat as he turned her in his arms. "That's for whoever might come along."

* * *

_We are getting closer….._


	165. Chapter 165

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 165**

**Colorado Springs - July 27, 1866**

Two days later, the heat returned. Michaela woke up soaked with sweat, her hair matted to her head. A knock at the door caught her off guard but she rose reluctantly. She was half asleep and so hot that she didn't even think of putting on her robe. As she opened the door, the sun blinded her and she raised her hand to shield her eyes.

"Mornin'." It was Sully, smiling at her widely as he took in her present state.

Michaela looked down and instantly blushed but decided it wasn't worthy getting her robe. She did cross her arms over her chest. "Good morning," she replied with a hint of a smile on her own lips. "What are you doing here this early?"

"I'm gonna go check my traps today. Didn't want you to worry." He casually leaned against the door frame as he spoke hoping that she couldn't see through the lie.

Michaela swept a lock of hair behind her ear and yawned. "That's fine," she said. "I need to go into the clinic anyway. I have to finish up some files before next week." Michaela wasn't sure who leaned in first but the result was a soft kiss. It occurred to her that soon she would be able to start everyday this way. She touched the front of his shirt. "Keep cool today."

"I will," he promised with a twinkle in his eye.

She stood on the porch watching him go, dreaming of their future life together. Sully turned and waved just before entering the woods. He needed to make this believable. If she was headed to town, he would need to take his own circuitous route.

Michaela turned to go back inside and resisted the urge to lie back down. It was too hot to sleep anyway. Instead she dressed and headed for the clinic. The ride was uneventful. She was glad for the breeze created as Flash galloped along but she was careful not to push him. It was too hot for man or beast on this particular day.

The clinic felt cool when she first entered but it was really just the opportunity to be out of the sun that created the temperature difference. Michaela opened the windows and left open the door hoping for some sort of cross breeze. The heat was only going to get worse she told herself. She might as well finish the files as quick as possible. Perhaps she would take the children down to the creek this afternoon to cool off.

She worked solidly for one hour before she took a break. It was the sound of the arriving stage coach that caught her attention and then it occurred to her- in one week she would be married. Michaela looked down at the files in front of her, finding it suddenly hard to concentrate on work. The day she had looked forward to most of her life was finally here. A shadow fell over her desk and she looked up, a smile instantly spreading over her face.

"I thought you were going to check your traps."

"I just told ya that," he laughed moving towards the desk where she sat and pushing the door closed behind him. "I got a surprise for ya."

Michaela gave him a questioning look as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "Another surprise?"

"I'm gonna get to that in a minute," he teased. "Did ya ever order that dress?"

A soft smile graced her lips. "I told you last night that I didn't. I don't care about having fancy things. I only care about being your wife… and you being my husband. We'll do this wedding in a manner we can afford." She stood then and clasped her hands behind his neck. "I'll wear my blue dress… you always said you liked me in that one."

"I do," he replied. "But ya won't have to wear it."

Michaela furrowed her brow. "What are you up to?"

Sully only laughed and moved away from her, going back to the door of the clinic. He threw open the door and smiled broadly. "Surprise."

There stood Rebecca with Emily just behind her, both smiling widely. Michaela's mouth was wide open in shock. "Rebecca?"

Unable to contain her excitement one moment longer, Rebecca moved inside to hug Michaela. "I told you I'd stand by your side no matter what," she whispered in her ear.

"Thank you," Michaela replied tears filling her eyes. She turned and Emily ran into her full steam, hugging her tightly unable to contain her excitement one moment longer.

"We brought you a dress, Aunt Michaela."

"A dress?"

"And it's absolutely beautiful." Michaela looked back at the door, the fiery red catching her eye.

"Marjorie?"

"Well someone had to bring some semblance of civilization to this godforsaken place." She smiled widely and turned. "Come on William," she said impatiently, waving from just inside the door.

Michaela wasn't sure whether to laugh or be angry with her sister's comment but she let it go, choosing instead to turn towards Sully. "You knew about this?"

With a tight lipped smile, he nodded. "Yeah." Opening his arms to her, she moved in right beside him.

"Thank you," she whispered nestling her head under his chin. "Thank you so much," she said again before quickly turning back to her sister. "Father?" she asked.

No other words were necessary. They both knew what she was asking. "He told us to come."

"What?" Michaela was incredulous.

"I don't know what got into him. Honestly." Marjorie's eyes grew wide as she said this last word. "Mother, on the other hand…." This comment was accompanied by a roll of her eyes.

"So Mother didn't want you to come?" Michaela looked at Rebecca now who did not have Marjorie's flair for the dramatic.

Still it was Marjorie who answered as she crossed back to the clinic door. "Oh, I don't know. She was going on about Indians or something." She turned her attention to someone outside. "Mary, bring them on in." She moved back to Will's side taking his hand in hers.

Rebecca raised an eyebrow at Michaela and they both exchanged a smile. "It's true. Father urged us to come."

Michaela looked at Sully trying to shame him for thinking Josef had injured himself on purpose but Sully eye's were elsewhere. Michaela followed his gaze and found that the clinic's doorway was full of nephews and nieces as well as someone that Michaela assumed was Mary. "You brought everyone?"

"You sound like Mother." Marjorie took the baby from Mary's arms. "Besides you need guests at this wedding don't you?" She winked as she said it and it made Michaela smile. "Will and I talked about it and we decided that the children needed to expand their horizons."

Sully who stood on the other side of Will spoke in a low voice. "You both decided?"

Will smirked. "You'll learn once you're married," he replied knowingly.

"I heard that," Marjorie said as she moved over to the exam table to lay the baby down. "Do you mind Michaela?" she asked.

"Umm… no." Marjorie was diapering the baby before Michaela even replied and Mary was there with a fresh diaper.

"Aunt Michaela, we brought you a dress." Michaela looked back to the door to see her niece Beth brimming with the news.

"I've heard." The girl looked a little crestfallen that someone had already shared the information. "But I haven't seen it yet." She knew that was obvious but she was hoping for something to bring back Beth's original smile.

It worked. "Are you going to try it on?"

Michaela laughed. "As soon as I get the chance."

* * *

As her eyes drifted around the room, Michaela saw the same excitement she felt reflected on each face. Her fingers slipped underneath the knot so that she could begin to untie the string that held the box closed. Everything felt as if it was moving in slow motion. She couldn't untie the package fast enough and then the box felt stuck as she tried to pry the lid from the bottom. Finally, she freed the lid.

Her breath caught in her throat. Michaela felt her eyes filling up but she didn't care. Her fingers rubbed against the silk fabric as she looked up. "It's beautiful," she whispered.

Marjorie pushed her to the side in order to reach for the box. "You haven't even seen it yet," she protested. She grabbed the dress by the shoulders and pulled it up so that the length of it fell to the floor. Michaela covered her mouth with her hand as a wide smile spread over her face.

"Do you like it?" It was Rebecca slipping her hand over Michaela's free one. All Michaela could manage at that moment was a quick nod of her head. She felt overwhelmed in the most wonderful way.

"Are you going to try it on?" Colleen asked from her place on the other side of the bed.

"You have to," Beth chimed in. "Please." This last word was elongated in the middle in the way that smaller children sometimes sound when they really want something. It made Michaela smile again and brought her back to reality.

Before Michaela could speak, Marjorie chimed in. "Of course she is going to try it on."

"Marjorie!" Rebecca scolded her sister.

"It's alright," Michaela said giving Rebecca's hand a quick squeeze. "I can see everyone is just as excited as me."

Rebecca glanced over at Beth. "Perhaps more excited." The sisters exchanged a smile but tried not to laugh to avoid embarrassing the girl.

Michaela brought her hands up to her collar and froze for a moment. Every eye in the room was on her. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling undressing with an audience. She turned around so that her back was to the majority of the room.

The action was not lost on Marjorie. "For goodness sake Michaela! Are you really that much of a prude?"

Michaela's cheeks flushed, partly out of embarrassment but more so out of anger. "I am not a prude but I've never undressed in front of an audience before."

Marjorie rolled her eyes and then looked at Rebecca. "Guess we better have that conversation sooner rather than later." These words were lost on the younger girls but not on Elise or Emily who exchanged tight lip smiles. The room grew strangely quiet in that moment, eyes finding interesting things on the floorboards to observe.

Michaela took advantage of the break and quickly undid her shirt before stepping out of her skirt. It was Rebecca and Emily who helped to place the garment over her head. Emily laced up the back of the bodice while Elise helped to spread out the train. Michaela was anxious for a large mirror to see herself in the dress but she settled for simply looking down. The color of the dress made her skin reflect a rosy glow. The neckline was a delicate scoop with an intricate lace covering. The sleeves were short in a cap style just perfect for a summer wedding. The bodice was plain but Michaela knew that the corset back would be stunning. Her fingers felt around the back and she realized the train attached under a large bow that was sewn against the dress so that it did not stick up at funny angles. The skirt had the same lace overlay starting half way down. It was simple but it was definitely Michaela.

Elise, who had remained quiet until now, was the first one to speak. "You look beautiful Aunt Michaela." The others chimed in and there was general agreement that the dress looked stunning on her.

A knock at the homestead door made them all jump. Colleen went to answer it but Rebecca stopped her. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's Will. We are just wondering if you girls are done with your hen party."

Marjorie stomped her foot impatiently. "William Albert Burke, mind you manners!" She pushed in between Rebecca and Michaela to reach the door. Her exit was quick to insure no one could see inside. In the next moment, they heard Marjorie shouting and William laughing. It made the girls giggle and Michaela smile.

Rebecca looked at her with a twinkle in her eye. "Some things never change."

* * *

**Outside of Colorado Springs - July 30, 1866**

The silence of the woods surrounded him and Sully stopped for a moment to just listen. He was truly glad that Michaela's sisters were able to come for the wedding but the constant noise could be wearisome. Sully was grateful for this chance to slip away and see his old friend, Cloud Dancing. It was just the break he needed.

When Sully arrived at the Cheyenne's camp, there were greetings all around. Snowbird saw him at a distance and waved. "Sully," she called happily. Sully tried to grasp her forearm in traditional Cheyenne greeting but Snowbird wrapped her arms around his neck in a warm hug. "Nepevomohtahehe," she asked.

"Yes, I am feeling good," Sully replied with a smile.

"And you will feel even better soon." It was not a question but a statement and if Sully had been a woman he would have blushed. It was obvious that Snowbird thought being married would quite agree with him.

Cloud Dancing chuckled at the exchange as he extended his arm in greeting. "Nesene. It is good to see you old friend."

"I know," Sully said sheepishly. "I'll be around more now that the house is done."

That made the Cheyenne chuckle again. "Do you think it will be so easy to leave your new bride?" Sully looked slightly perplexed. Cloud Dancing patted him lightly on the back. "Let's go for a walk."

Sully nodded and turned to follow Cloud Dancing back into the woods. They walked silently along the side of a small creek until they were some distance from the Cheyenne camp. Sully followed about two steps behind Cloud Dancing wondering where exactly they were heading. After a bit they came to a place where the creek widened into a clearing in the forest. Sully marveled at the beauty of the place, enjoying the sound of the running water and the coolness the woods provided.

Cloud Dancing sat on a fallen log but still did not speak. Sully thought he read some anxiousness in his brother's face and it began to worry him. "Snowbird and you are still comin' to the weddin', aren't you?"

"We will be there," Cloud Dancing assured him. Seeing the tension in his brother's face, he spoke again. "Sit down, Sully. There is nothing to worry about." That was not completely true but Cloud Dancing was not going to worry Sully with the troubles of the Cheyenne on this day. "Are you nervous?"

Sully cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment. "Not really," he paused for a moment before adding, "maybe a little."

"Marriage is a commitment. It will take time." Sully nodded. "You must learn to open yourself up."

Sully's eyes narrowed as he tried to probe what his friend was telling him. "Ain't much Michaela don't know about me," he said leaning down to rub a blade of glass between his fingers.

Cloud Dancing took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He needed to figure out how to make Sully understand what he was saying. "You have shared much life with Michaela, that is true. But you have also shared much hurt and distance." Sully nodded in agreement but did not speak. Life, recently had been too good. He kept waiting for the moment when his happiness would once again be crushed. "There are still scars, some seen, some hidden." Cloud Dancing regarded Sully carefully. "These scars are not all healed."

Sully thought on this for a moment. He could not argue with the Cheyenne medicine man and his wisdom but he hoped that together, he and Michaela could move forward leaving this pain behind. "We won't let all that hurt come between us again." His words were resolute, meant to garner confidence from Cloud Dancing.

There was silence again while Cloud Dancing considered his next words carefully. "It is not always our choice," he said softly, his black eyes boring into Sully. "When it comes, be ready. These scars wait outside your door like a crouching hunter waits to spring. You must open up to her."

"I will try," Sully said softy knowing there was no reason to protest.

Cloud Dancing smiled now to lighten the conversation's tone. "And the wedding night?"

Sully looked down at the ground again, kicking at a rock with the toe of his shoe. When he raised his head again, there was a sly grin on his face. "I am ready to be married," he said with emphasis on the word married.

"If you will permit me a few words of wisdom."

"Ain't no stoppin' you," Sully teased playfully but then added, "I'd appreciate 'em."

"Above all, remember to be patient. You will be ready before she is."

Cloud Dancing grew quiet. "And?" Sully asked.

Cloud Dancing smiled. "Snowbird put me up to this." He shrugged his shoulders. "Kiss her. A lot. Before you do anything else."

Sully was laughing. "Snowbird?"

Cloud Dancing nodded and then patted his brother on the back. "Enjoy each other."

This comment may have garnered the widest smile from Sully yet. "We will."

* * *

_Wedding is only one chapter away! _


	166. Chapter 166

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 166**

**Boston- July 31, 1866**

Elizabeth opened the bedroom door and stopped just inside. Josef had been very moody as of late and she didn't feel like dealing with him if he was in one of his moods today. She cleared her throat to get his attention and Josef looked over at her. He turned the medical journal he was reading over on the bed and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"I don't want to disturb you but I wanted you to know the girls arrived safely."

Josef smiled, one corner of his mouth still drooping a little. "Good," he said. Elizabeth turned to go but Josef stopped her. "I could use some company."

Elizabeth tried to hide her surprise as she closed the door and took a seat in the chair at their bedside. It wasn't something she wanted to admit, but she was very curious about Josef's insistence that Marjorie and Rebecca go to Colorado for Michaela's wedding. She hoped that today might provide the opportunity to ask him about it. "How are you feeling today?"

"Like an old man." Josef gave a shrug of his shoulders but the smile remained.

Elizabeth returned the smile. "Well neither of us is getting any younger."

"True." He nodded his head in agreement, his eyes studying his wife's face intently. "You should have gone with the girls to Colorado."

"I already told you…"

Josef cut her off. "You could have gone. I don't need you to babysit me."

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled loudly. "There is no need for us to argue about this matter anymore. It's too late for me to go now. And why were you so insistent that the girls and I go?"

The older man lowered his eyes and pursed his lips as he considered how to explain. Turning his head slightly so that he could see his wife, he started. "I have something to tell you. Something I'm not proud of." He watched her face, trying to read what she was thinking but Elizabeth remained stone faced as usual. "My fall the other night has awakened me, you might say."

Elizabeth sat forward quickly. "Of course it did…"

Josef interrupted her again. "Let me finish," he said softly and Elizabeth quieted. He looked out across the room, not meeting Elizabeth's eyes now. "I didn't want Rebecca and Marjorie to go to Colorado. I wanted Michaela to have no family present at her wedding." He paused but still did not meet his wife's eyes. "To ensure that would be the case, I engineered my fall."

Elizabeth looked perplexed. "What do you mean?"

Josef exhaled loudly. "I mean that I fell down the stairs on purpose."

"Josef!" There was a tone of anger but mostly shock in Elizabeth's voice. "You could have killed yourself."

"That's the thing," Josef continued, "I didn't even care if I died as long as I made her miserable." He finally looked at Elizabeth and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't find utter disdain there. "As I lay there at the bottom of the stairs, I realized just how manipulative I've become. I don't want to be that kind of man, Elizabeth."

There were tears in Elizabeth's eyes. "Does this mean…" Her words trailed off. She didn't dare yet hope that this would be the end of Josef's vendetta against Michaela.

"It means that I hate who I've become." Silence filled the room as a thousand questions ran through Elizabeth's mind but she never had the chance to ask them. "Somehow I have to make amends, Elizabeth. I just don't think I'm ready."

"Ready?" Elizabeth sounded incredulous. "If you aren't ready now, what's it going to take?"

Josef's face contorted. "That isn't fair Elizabeth. Everything can't just change overnight. They lied to me… to you… for years. I just can't…" Josef slammed his fist on the bed. Elizabeth remained quiet and turned to look out the window. "I know I need to change but I just don't know how to."

"The first thing…"

Elizabeth did not get a chance to finish. "Elizabeth you can't dictate this. I'm going to make things right but on my own terms." His voice was strong and Elizabeth knew there was no need to argue. She nodded silently and reached over for his hand. There was understanding in her eyes which was more than Josef could have hoped for. He squeezed her hand. "Thank you," he whispered, knowing this was going to be a hard journey for all of them.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 1, 1866**

Michaela could not get rid of the knot that was in her stomach. For the past two days she had tried hard to put Marjorie and Rebecca off. The one advantage to her mother not being here was the chance to avoid her infamous wedding night speech. It was something all of her sisters had talked about, something Michaela wanted to avoid at all costs.

Of course her sisters were not her mother but it didn't matter to the doctor. It simply wasn't a subject that she wanted to discuss with anyone. She was nervous but she had taken her normal approach to the subject by searching through medical books and journals to read all she could on the matter. Michaela understood the mechanics of sex and passion was not foreign to her. She knew that intercourse was not something every woman enjoyed but she had a hard time believing that she would hate anything that involved being close to Sully.

To avoid her sisters, she had left the clinic right before lunch and rode out to the new homestead. Sully and Matthew had been moving non-essentials in from the old homestead that morning and she hoped to meet them there to help arrange things. Fate was conspiring against her on this day though. Sully and Matthew were nowhere to be found though at least two loads of belongings had been deposited. No matter she thought to herself. There was plenty for her to do here and there was no way that Rebecca and Marjorie would walk out here by themselves. She actually smiled at the fact that she had managed to outrun them once more.

It didn't take her long to find the box marked kitchen and pull out an apron. After finding a bit of string to tie her hair back, Michaela got down to business. The cabinets that Sully had crafted were so beautiful that she took a moment to appreciate them before opening the first one to put in the glassware. Michaela let the work consume her as thoughts of her future life in this house danced in her head. The knock at the door startled her for that reason and she turned with a frown wondering who it could be. Sully wouldn't have knocked.

Quickly she crossed the room and opened the door, her shoulders instantly falling. "What are you two doing here?"

Marjorie smiled widely as she pushed by her sister. "We rode out here."

Michaela looked out the door. "In what?"

Rebecca's cheeks were flushed as she tried to tuck stray bits of hair back into her bun. "On horses." She giggled as she said it as giddy as a school girl.

"You didn't?" Michaela was wide eyed.

"We did," Marjorie replied with a little pat on Michaela's back. "Stop looking so shocked. You ride, why can't we?"

Michaela opened her mouth to argue but found she had nothing to say. At that same moment she remembered why they were most likely there and the knot in her stomach tightened. "Well, I hate to say it but I was just about to head back to the clinic for some afternoon appointments."

"Really?" Rebecca was looking at the boxes in the kitchen, obviously in progress rather than at an ending point.

Michaela blushed. "Uh…." Nothing was coming to her.

"Oh stop it Michaela. You can't escape the talk." These last two words were said with a sense of impending doom.

"Marjorie, stop it. You are scaring her." Rebecca's voice was scolding but there was a small smile on her lips.

"She is not," Michaela protested. "I just don't need the talk. I am a medical doctor. I know what happens between men and women. I've seen men before. There are no surprises."

This made Marjorie laugh so hard that she ended up with a case of the hiccups. "So you've seen a peter?" Michaela cringed. It was the word Elizabeth used to refer to the male anatomy. Not that her mother had often spoken of such things but when she did it made Michaela feel dirty.

"Again, I am a doctor." Michaela stressed the word am, her face growing even redder with her anger.

Rebecca touched her sister's shoulder. "Michaela, can we just talk?" Her sister spoke softly with certain calmness.

Michaela did not give her consent but she sat down on a crate with a resigned look. There was no escaping it so she might as well get it over with. Marjorie started to speak but Rebecca held up her hand. This needed to be done diplomatically and that was not something Marjorie was particularly good at.

"Is there anything you would like to ask us?" The reply was a stony look. Rebecca tried again. "Any concerns you have?" Michaela dropped her eyes to the floor and Rebecca leaned forward anticipating her to speak but was met with more silence. She looked at Marjorie and raised her eyebrows.

Marjorie nodded at Rebecca and turned towards her youngest sister. Her words were not coarse or teasing this time. "Michaela when I got married, mother told me that I had a wifely duty to perform. She told me it would be unpleasant but that I was to grit my teeth and bare it. It was what all good wives did, she said." Michaela looked up at Marjorie, her face beginning to soften around the eyes. "I did my wifely duty Michaela. Everett was not gentle and he only became worse." Emotion threatened to choke Marjorie up but she stopped momentarily to clear her throat and continued. "You know what he put me through Michaela. You know what he did to me." Michaela's mouth pulled down at the corners, her eyes remaining intensely focused on her sister. Marjorie's face softened though, her eyes sparkling with a look Michaela knew well. "It's not like that with William. It's never been like that."

Rebecca leaned forward again. "It doesn't have to be unpleasant, Michaela. Being with your husband can be very enjoyable."

Michaela's cheeks darkened again but not with anger this time. "I know…" She hesitated, lowering her eyes once more as she continued. "I know the female anatomy. I mean I know what happens when… " Michaela pressed her lips together tightly and finally gave in. She quickly raised her head. "How painful is it?" she suddenly blurted out, surprising her sisters and even herself.

This made Rebecca and Marjorie smile but the smiles did not upset Michaela, rather they put her at ease. "There will be some pressure," Rebecca explained.

"Make Sully take it slow- don't let him rush you. And tell him if it hurts." Marjorie's voice was warm and motherly as she dispensed advice.

"It's a very special time, Michaela." Rebecca's voice was dream like, remembering a time from her past. "Just enjoy each other."

* * *

**Old Homestead – August 1, 1866 **

"I like this house." Brian crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "I don't want my own room."

"I do," Colleen said with a roll of her eyes. "You're crazy."

"You've got to have you own room Brian." Beth's voice was matter of fact but the look on her face was more like she had some secret knowledge.

"Why do I gotta have my own room? Sully could just sleep here with Ma."

Beth and Colleen exchanged a look and then giggled. "No they couldn't," Colleen said. "That would be gross."

"But Sully's slept here before!"

"Only when he was sick," Colleen quickly added. "Not like that." She was looking at Beth as she spoke.

"Not like what?" Brian asked. "What are you two talkin' about?"

Beth stood up and crossed her arms. Her face had a very superior tone. "We are talking about the birds and the bees. Don't you know about them?"

"Of course I do," Brian spat back. "I've been to see the hives at the Fergusons. But they ain't got no birds with 'em." Both girls laughed at this which only made Brian angrier.

"Not those kind of bees Brian." The superior tone was back in Beth's voice and she rolled her eyes as she spoke. "It's about boys and girls and kissing and stuff." Colleen started giggling then and Beth too.

"Stop it!" Brian shouted but they kept giggling at the boy's innocence. Brian stood clenching his little fists at his side. "I said stop it!" He put his head down and ran at the two girl's like a battering ram.

Beth took the brunt of the blow and she fell backwards onto the floor. "Brian, I'm gonna tell Dr. Mike about this!" Colleen hollered but Brian was already turning his anger on her. His little fists began to pummel her as she tried to push him away.

Thankfully the cries reached outside to where the men were now loading the wagon. Sully was the first to notice. "Sounds like we got trouble."

"Sure does." Will laughed. Sully started up the stairs but the doctor stopped him. "Let me. I have lots of experience with this." Sully smiled and went back to packing the wagon while Will climbed the steps instead.

As the door opened, the scene in front of him was humorous but Will knew better than to laugh. He moved quickly to grab Brian around the waist and stop the assault on his sister. "Brian," he chided. "What's all this about?"

"They're laughin' at me." There were tears running down the little boy's cheeks now.

"We weren't," Beth protested.

"Honest," Colleen added in while helping her cousin up off the floor.

"Girls, why don't you go outside and help load the wagon." It wasn't a question. They looked at each other and then back at Will and Brian before piling out the door.

Will stood now and let go of Brian. He sat down on the edge of Michaela's bed and patted a spot next to him for Brian. The boy wiped at his eyes and sniffled loudly but he sat down willingly, the fight suddenly gone out of him. "What's wrong Brian?"

"I don't want to move to the new house."

"You don't?" Brian shook his head. "Why not?"

Brian looked down sheepishly. "I don't like being in the dark by myself. I don't want my own room."

Will nodded. "Alright. And the girls were making fun of you because of that?"

"Nah. They said Ma and Sully needed their own room cuz of the birds and bees."

"Oh," Will said, wishing now he'd let Sully come in to handle this one.

"They were makin' fun of me cuz' I didn't know about the birds and bees." Brian breathed out loudly. "I mean I know bout the birds and bees but not the birds and bees they were talkin' about." His shoulders sagged as he said this last line. Brian turned to look at Will imploringly. "I've seen Ma and Sully kiss before. I don't care if they kiss with me in the room."

Sully opened the door then. "Wagon's loaded," he said. "Everything alright in here?"

Will frowned. This was not an easy conversation to have but he knew it would be easier for him then for Sully or Michaela. "Brian and I are going to stay here." This would give them some privacy. "We need to have a chat about the birds and bees." He raised his eyebrows at Sully as he spoke.

Sully's eyes sparked with recognition and he smirked. "Have fun with that one."

"Thanks," Will replied sarcastically.

Sully suppressed a grin. "We'll be back for another load soon and in case you need reinforcements." He couldn't hold back a little laugh and was glad when Brian didn't notice. With that he closed the door curious as to how this conversation came about.

* * *

_Sorry for the delay - VBS last week. And on vacay next week but I'll try to get another chapter or two out before I leave. Thanks for reading!_


	167. Chapter 167

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 167**

When dawn broke on the sleepy little town of Colorado Springs something was different. The oppressive heat of the last two weeks was whisked away by a fast moving cold front. The parched ground had been momentarily quenched with the soaking rains of the day before. Yet other than the wet grass, the sky held no trace of a storm. The brilliant blue was dotted with small puffs of cottony clouds broken only by the brilliant shine of the yellow orb hanging low in the summer sky.

But it was more than the weather. Collectively the town seemed to be holding its breath, anticipating the moment when fate would finally be sated. Second chances do not often present themselves and many would have considered Sully and Michaela lucky. That line of thought would be naïve though. This was not fate granting them a second chance at happiness. This was what happened when love risked all.

Their path had not been easy. If when they were younger they could have seen the difficulty that lay in wait for them perhaps they never would have ventured down this path. Michaela may never have befriended the small boy in the hospital waiting room. Sully might have left boarding school without a word to the family, disappearing never to be seen again. How can fate draw you together and push you apart simultaneously?

Many years later, their daughter would tell their story and she would credit fate with nothing. The only future, she would say, is the one we choose for ourselves. Sully and Michaela created their future. They fought hard for it. They lost much for it. But in the end the only thing that mattered was this day- their chance to be together forever. Their future was each other and today was the first day of forever.

This was the last thought on Sully's mind as he lay down to sleep on the soft buffalo hide in the Cheyenne camp. The Cheyenne would always be Sully's family and he could think of no better place to spend the last night before he would marry than with them. Cloud Dancing had been troubled as of late and that worried Sully, although tonight the atmosphere was light. The men of the camp were giving Sully advice on marriage – some amusing and some serious. Sully imagined this is what it would have been like if he had brothers and he reveled in each comment until the fire began to die and it was finally time to bid the day goodbye.

It was also the last thought in Michaela's mind as she spent her last night as a single woman at the old homestead. The place was practically bare now except for their beds, though Colleen's and Brian's bed could have been moved. Both had insisted on sleeping with her. When she awoke in the morning, it was to Colleen's hot breath on her face and Brian's feet in her ribs, but she didn't mind it. She knew that this transition was not going to be easy for them. Sully had informed her of Brian and William's talk and Michaela still found herself curious about what had been said.

The hours before the wedding would test both of their patience but at day's end neither would remember the nerves or the endless waiting. They would only remember how perfect everything was. They would remember their family and friends gathered to celebrate true love. Most of all they would remember each other.

* * *

**Michaela**

"Michaela hold still. I can't do your hair if you keep moving around."

Marjorie laughed. "Rebecca, you sound just like our mother." This made Michaela laugh as she looked in the mirror back at her sister.

Rebecca's upper lip was curled up in a snarl . "Marjorie if you aren't going to do anything useful than go check on the girls."

"But I am being useful," Marjorie protested as she flopped down on the bed in one of the upstairs rooms. "Just a few minutes ago Michaela was a ball of nerves and now she's laughing and relaxed."

"I wouldn't say relaxed," Michaela corrected. She reached down to rub her stomach. "I feel like my breakfast may come back up at any moment."

"That's normal," Rebecca assured her. "Now turn around and sit still!" She turned Michaela's head with her hands so that it was facing forward. Marjorie laughed but Michaela didn't dare.

The night before Michaela had rag rolled her hair so that now it hung in soft curls all over her head. Rebecca braided Michaela's hair from the nape of her neck upwards creating an up do that ended with the amazing crown of coppery curls which she pinned in place. Her veil would be pinned right under the crown of curls creating a beautiful cascading effect. Marjorie quickly tired of watching her sister work and had flitted off to check that all the wedding preparations were made in the meadow.

It was as Rebecca finished that they heard the commotion in the hall. Elise's voice stood out clearly among the other voices protesting someone's arrival. "But you can't go in there, she isn't dressed properly."

A man's voice cut through the air with a guttural laugh. "I'm used to seeing women not dressed properly."

Rebecca turned in the direction of the door as it opened and Hank Lawson stood in the door frame. "I tried to stop him." It was Elise looking hurried and slightly flushed, pushing Hank to the side.

Michaela blushed. She was fully clothed but in her underpinnings with a robe over top, not the way she'd prefer to be seen. "Hank?" His presence there worried her and she stood as she turned to him. "Is something wrong?"

Hank's attention was on Elise though. "I thought ya said she wasn't dressed." He looked up at Michaela slyly. "Hope Sully's gonna get to see more than this tonight."

The blush on Michaela's cheeks deepened as did her anger. "Hank, what are you doing here?" she asked incredulously.

"Can I get a moment with the blushin' bride?" Hank was looking from Rebecca to Elise as he spoke.

Rebecca looked almost murderous but she turned to Michaela for direction. Michaela nodded and sighed slightly. "It's alright." She motioned her sister and niece out the door and smiled when she realized that Rebecca was refusing to close the door completely.

"I'll be just outside if you need me." The words were meant for Michaela but they were directed toward Hank who was grinning even wider now.

"Hank, why are you here?" Michaela's hands were on her hips and her head cocked slightly to the side.

Momentarily Hank forgot why he was there, the image of the woman in front of him burning brightly into his retinas. It was true that he was used to seeing women dressed in a whole lot less than Michaela was currently wearing but there was something so tantalizing about seeing her this way. He couldn't help but think Sully was a lucky man as thoughts of laying her down on the bed fought for control of his mind.

"Hank?"

Looking slightly dazed, Hank finally broke eye contact with her and turned towards the window. "Michaela, I wanted to come here this morning to offer my services."

"Your services?" Michaela looked confused. "Hank, I don't believe your services are going to be required."

Hank turned back towards her. "I mean in givin' ya away." Michaela's mouth dropped open, the shock evident in her eyes. "I know I ain't the sort of person who would do that sort of thing but I figure I was your first friend here besides Charlotte." Michaela found herself even more perplexed. Had Hank really just called her a friend? Hank shifted nervously now. He was out of his element especially with the doctor at a loss for words. "Uh, so if you need someone to give ya away…." His words drifted off.

Michaela finally found her voice. "Will's going to do it," she said, her eyes narrowing on the barkeep.

Hank smiled nervously and nodded his head. "Figured. Just makin' sure." He turned now to go but felt Michaela's hand on his shoulder. The scent of the soap that she had used to wash filled his nostrils and he felt drunk on her unsure whether he should turn around again.

"Hank." Her voice was soft and lilting. "You have been a good friend to me. Whether you know it or not, you convinced people that I was a good doctor. I owe you a lot."

The barkeep shrugged as if everything she had said didn't really matter but Michaela saw through it. "If William wasn't here, I would be honored to have you give me away."

Hank did something then that surprised Michaela and even himself. He kissed her. On the cheek. It was a soft brotherly kiss but it made Michaela's skin heat in a way she had only felt when Sully kissed her. The kiss made Hank's lips burn but he was the gentlemen and quickly left the room.

As Hank left, Rebecca rushed back in to make sure her sister's virtue was intact. "Are you alright?"

Michaela was smiling quizzically, her hand over the spot on her cheek that he had kissed. "I think I'm fine." She felt sort of dazed as she wondered towards the window to watch Hank saunter back across the street. This was something she wanted to remember because she wasn't sure she would ever see Hank so honest again. Michaela wasn't one to make a big fuss over handsome men even as a younger girl but she couldn't deny the way her pulse had sped up when Hank kissed her. "He kissed me," she blurted out.

"Kissed you?"

"On the cheek," Michaela assured her sister.

"And why would you complain about that?" Michaela turned to see her red headed sister standing in the doorway. She walked over to the window where Michaela stood and admired Hank's rear end as he finally made his way onto the saloon's porch. "You two would make a cute couple," she teased.

"Marjorie!" Michaela scolded but her sister just smiled and put her arm around her baby sister.

"Don't worry I won't tell Sully." Her eyes were sparkling and Michaela knew she was teasing her. For once she was glad Marjorie was here making jokes and lightening the mood. It made Michaela relax and for that she was truly grateful.

* * *

**Sully**

Sully had risen early that morning before anyone in the Cheyenne camp was stirring. He wanted to visit the homestead and ready things for the night. Michaela, her sisters, and several of their friends had arranged everything for the wedding. Sully did not doubt that when he arrived in town he would see the fruit of their many preparations. Just as Michaela had made sure the ceremony would be perfect, he wanted to make certain that tonight would be perfect.

Last night as he had waited to fall asleep, he had made a mental list of things to prepare. Sully was able to check off the first thing on the list by directing his path along one of the streams that flowed down from the mountains. The heat of the proceeding weeks had withered many of the wildflowers that normally grew in the meadows of Colorado. But here in the shade of the trees, he found some flowers still in bloom, protected from the contemptuous sun. Sully picked daisies and pink bee weed here. A little further on, he found some pink fireweed and purple prairie flower. The white of the daisies popped against the pink and purple and he smiled at himself, pleased with his handiwork.

At the homestead, he searched through the kitchen until he finally found a vase. Now came the hard part – where to put them. They looked nice on the dining room table but Sully was hoping that they wouldn't be spending much time downstairs tonight. Upstairs in their bedroom, Sully placed them first on the mantle and then on the bedside table nearest the door. Finally he was satisfied and moved onto his next task.

Even though it was August, the night before had been cool and Sully thought there was a good chance tonight would be the same. Out near the barn, Sully had already begun a woodpile for when cooler weather descended upon Colorado Springs. He went there now and chose a few nice logs along with some kindling. Back upstairs, he laid the fire so that all he would have to do is light it if the need arose.

Again Sully made his way back downstairs to gather up candles and candlesticks. There oil lamps were already in place but Sully wanted the mantle to be full of candlelight. The image of Michaela standing there in the midst of their room bathed in candlelight occupied his thoughts for the moment. He could see her coppery curls flowing down her back and her porcelain skin underneath. Underneath….. Sully felt a jolt of electricity shoot through him at this thought. His body was already reacting with a mind of its own making Sully swallow hard. Taking a step forward, he reminded himself that he didn't have much time left, he needed to concentrate.

It didn't take long to move the candles into place though. He turned from the mantle now and surveyed the room. Everywhere he looked, he could see his hard work. He felt proud of what he had accomplished and he was glad that he was able to give Michaela such a house. For a brief moment, he compared it to the finery of Boston and found it severely lacking. Doubts flooded his mind then but he shook his head as if to chase them away. Michaela wasn't going to be looking through Boston's eyes, he reminded himself. She had given up that world.

This was a reassuring thought to Sully but a scary one at the same time. More than anything, Sully wanted Michaela to be happy. Josef's words often haunted him – this place was a waste of her talents. Would Michaela one day regret that she was nothing more than a frontier doctor? Sully took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He was doing it again – allowing the past to cloud his thoughts on their future. Soon they would no longer be two but one. Together they would face whatever the future held.

His walk into town was uneventful but he had been at the homestead longer than he had planned. As he passed Robert E's stables he noticed that Michaela's wagon and horses were already there. With a quickened pace, he stepped out onto the town's main street. Sully was just in time to see Hank enter the clinic which made him pause for a moment. Why would Hank be going to the clinic where the girls were getting ready? Sully knew it was useless for him to try to find out though. There would be no getting inside the clinic for him. Michaela's sisters had already made a huge deal about the bride and the groom not seeing each other before the wedding. They had chased him off yesterday afternoon with tales of the misfortune that would befall them if Sully and Michaela were to see each other.

Sully turned in the direction of the church instead. He was certain that Will and Cloud Dancing were already there, waiting on him. Hopefully, Marjorie wasn't there. She had given him a long speech about being on time and Sully didn't feel like facing the redhead's wrath. The meadow was bustling with activity, just as Sully had expected. The meadow was ready for the wedding and the reception. He could Grace barking out orders to Robert E which made Sully smile. Meanwhile, Maude and Dorothy were setting out plates and they both waved to Sully as he crossed the bridge on his way to the church.

Finally Sully climbed the steps of the church certain there would be a welcoming committee. When he opened the doors, he was surprised though. Will was laughing and talking with Matthew and Cloud Dancing in one corner. The back door was open to the church and Sully could hear Brian's voice mixed in with his cousins. The only one who seemed to be worried was the reverend. He was looking nervously around, pacing back and forth almost frantically. Sully quickly looked around for Marjorie, certain she was the reason for his anxiety but she was nowhere to be seen.

"You okay reverend?"

The reverend stopped pacing and looked in his direction. "Oh, Sully, I'm fine. I always get nervous before weddings." Sully laughed as the other men turned towards him in greeting.

"Sully," Will said warmly clasping the mountain man's hand. "You ready for the big day?"

Sully nodded as the gravity of the day finally dawned on him. He was getting married. "I'm getting married," he said suddenly.

Cloud Dancing nodded with a wide smile. "We know. That is why we are here."

"I know…." Sully struggled to explain. "I just can't believe it. I can't believe it's finally happening."

The moment was broken as the church doors burst open and Marjorie came barreling inside. "Nice of you to finally show up Sully," she said with a wave of her hand. She looked from man to man incredulously. "Why isn't anyone here even dressed?"

"Marjorie," William said soothingly, "we're getting to that."

"I said the minute Sully arrived I wanted to see you all dressed." She turned her attention to the groom now. "And where have you been? If Michaela knew that you only just arrived she would be a nervous wreck!"

Sully looked around helplessly at the other men but they all shrunk back from the redhead. "I had to go by the homestead…"

"Now listen to me, you are going to get yours tonight." Her finger was wagging the entire time she spoke. "Today is for my sister and if you do anything to ruin it, I swear to God I'll break it off so you can't do anything tonight." Her eyes caught the reverend's about this time but Marjorie did not blush or even break stride. "Good day, reverend," she said with a wave of her hand before turning her attention back to the men. "Now get dressed!"

"Yes ma'm," Matthew said under his breath making all of them snicker. Marjorie did not look happy but she simply cast them another blood curdling look. She flew out the back doors as quickly as she had flown in, leaving every one of them speechless. Cloud Dancing finally broke the silence. "That is one wild stallion," he said casting a sideways glance at Will.

"You have no idea." William laugh as he spoke and shook his head. "Trust me, you have no idea."

* * *

**The Wedding**

Sully closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Even with his eyes closed he knew when the church doors opened. He could feel the soft gentle breeze blowing in through the door and he could hear the faint strains of the quartet. He opened his eyes and stepped out onto the steps of the church. It wasn't that he thought people wouldn't attend their wedding but to see the amount of people who were there was a bit overwhelming. Sully wasn't the most popular person in town. There were many here who knew about the Abigail situation and some who still blamed him for her death. Yet even those that weren't aware of the past kept their distance mostly because of his contact with the Cheyenne.

"Must be here to see Michaela," he said quietly but no one heard him. Cloud Dancing nudged him forward and Sully realized that the reverend was moving. He stepped down walking in the reverend's wake while his eyes roaming the crowd. Everything felt surreal. His heart was beating rapidly and his breath kept catching in his throat. Everyone's eyes seemed to be on him and Sully couldn't help but think it was because of the smile that he couldn't wipe off his face.

"Breath, Sully." It was Cloud Dancing's voice – calm and reassuring. Sully nodded and took a deep breath letting his lungs fill with the sweet Colorado air. He watched the throng of people moving across the bridge into the meadow now and it occurred to him that Michaela was in that mass somewhere. Sully felt desperate to see her.

There was Colleen and then Michaela's sisters and Emily and they were walking but he still did not see the one person he sought. The music was changing now and he realized he recognized this piece. And then people were standing. Sully felt frantic, his eyes scanning the back of the crowd but still he could not find her. He took another deep breath and exhaled slowly.

Michaela tapped her foot nervously. She could see a sea of heads in front of her and if she moved to the right she could just catch a glimpse of Sully. William gripped her arm. "I still remember the first time I saw you," he said, a large smile on his face. "You are still just as beautiful."

"Better not let Marjorie hear you say that," Michaela warned teasingly.

"Anna would be so happy for you." Michaela felt the first tears in her eyes at the mention of her grandmother. "She would be so proud of you." Michaela could not respond but she gave Will's arm a squeeze. The first bars of Wagner's Bridal Chorus began. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yes." Her voice was breathless. All she wanted right now was to see Sully. Emily was at the front now, moving to the side and then there he was. People were looking at her but she didn't notice. All she could see was Sully. Her feet which had felt like lead just a moment ago now had wings and she practically pulled Will down the aisle.

Sully bounced forward on his toes slightly when she came into view and if possible his smile grew wider. He heard nothing of the first part of the service, he could only keep cutting his eyes sideways to smile at her. Will still held her arm and for the first time since they were children, Sully felt jealous of him. Fortunately Michaela was paying more attention although she was just as eager to grasp his hand.

"Who gives this woman to be wedded to this man?"

"I do," Will said, his voice strong ringing out over the crowd. "On behalf of her family." The word was cutting and Michaela cringed. She had blocked all thoughts of Josef up to this point. Sully noticed the change on her face but he waited patiently as she kissed Will's cheek and finally was able to take her hands.

"You okay?" he whispered as the reverend continued with his remarks.

"I am now," she replied, her smile returning. She would not let Josef ruin this day. They both had fought too long and hard for this.

Later on it was hard to remember specific points of the ceremony. Michaela knew she cried as Sully recited his vowels and again when he slipped the ring on her finger. The weight of the ring was strange but completely welcome. She kept running her thumb over it where her finger met her palm. The feel of it made her smile.

When the reverend said that Sully could kiss his bride, Michaela swallowed hard. Sully took his time, gently taking her face in his hands and looking deep into her eyes. And then before Michaela even had a chance to wrap her arms around him, he was kissing her deeply. Michaela could feel the blush on her cheeks but she didn't pull away or try to end the kiss. She let it move through her, exciting every nerve in her body. Just when she didn't think she could take anymore, he pulled back and gave her a sly wink.

They turned to face their guests as the reverend announced them. "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Byron Sully."

Sully grasped her arm tightly as they moved off down the aisle, their guests clapping loudly and even calling out to them. Michaela barely heard it. The reverend's words were still reverberating in her ears. It had felt good to get her college degree, even better to graduate from medical school but this surpassed both of those moments.

* * *

_To be continued….._


	168. Chapter 168

Homecoming

Chapter 168

**The Reception**

Peals of laughter and strains of music were born aloft on the summer breeze that blew through the meadow in Colorado Springs. The late afternoon sun was just beginning to make shadows longer but the guests showed no signs of leaving. Some sat at tables enjoying another piece of wedding cake over lively conversations with friends and neighbors. Others stood in groups around the makeshift dance floor, clapping along with the music and chatting with others who were taking a break from the dancing. Dancers swirled around the open area joining hands for reels and waltzes. It was an event that would be talked about for months.

Michaela and Sully stood off to the side, alone for one brief moment. Sully's hand was looped around her waist, her back pressed against his chest as he rested his head against hers. Is it at all like ya imagined?" he asked holding her close as they moved to the music.

"It's outside," she replied, her head resting on his shoulder.

Sully laughed – a warm deep rich laugh that made Michaela shiver with delight. "Is that it?"

"It's nothing like I imagined," she said truthfully raising her head to look up at him. Sully grew worried for a moment, his eyes searching her face for displeasure. "It's better."

A brief kiss to the tip of her nose was her reward and then a broad smile. Turning his head, he looked out at their friends gathered around, sharing in the joy of the occasion and if possible his heart grew even fuller. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

"Are ya happy?"

"Of course I am, Sully. Why would you ask me that?"

"I know ya wanted to make things better with Josef before we got married. I know that it meant a lot to ya to have your mother and father here."

"Hey," Michaela said sharply to get his attention. Sully met her eyes and found the intensity of her gaze mesmerizing. "I don't regret one thing about today. Remember, we are going forward and not looking back. We have our own family now. You are the only family I need."

Sully felt her hands grip him tighter as she spoke and he swallowed hard against the tide of rising emotion. "To hear you say that…." Sully's voice faded out, too much emotion for him to continue.

"It was always true – I only got lost in the dark for awhile. But you found me."

Sully nodded. "And I always will."

Michaela laid her head back against him, letting Sully's words fill her completely. She closed her eyes, tapping her foot in time to the music. Sully held her tighter, his breath tickling her ear. "I dreamed this," she spoke breathlessly.

"About our weddin'?"

Michaela opened her eyes and let out a soft laugh. "Maybe I didn't dream this but I dreamed this feeling. Happiness… joy… love." Sully breathed in deeply feeling exactly the same. Lowering his head, he placed a lingering kiss to her neck. "Sully!" she exclaimed squirming against him.

"What? We are married remember."

"Everyone's watching." Her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as she saw her sisters looking over at her. Sully couldn't help but smile at his blushing bride as he removed his arm from around her waist. Michaela grabbed for his hand. "Where are you going?"

"Not sure what's allowed," he teased. "I didn't want to embarrass you."

"I suppose you can take the girl out of Boston…. But it's much harder to take Boston out of the girl."

Sully laughed. "We're gonna take care of that though." He grabbed her about the waist and hoisted her up in the air spinning her around in dizzying circles.

"Put me down," she shrieked unaware that every eye was on her now. After two more rotations, Sully pulled her flat against him letting her body slide against his as he lowered her to the ground. Her hands went around his neck, her sole focus being on Sully now. Invitingly she looked up at him and Sully closed the distance with a soft kiss. Murmurs and sighs of happiness could be heard surrounding them and only then did Michaela realize that she was the main attraction. Turning in his arms, she smiled out at the sea of faces before her. Yes this was her dream she thought- friends and family surrounding her, clapping – glad that she and Sully were finally both where they belonged.

* * *

Sully felt impatient. When their guests weren't dancing or eating, they wanted to talk to Sully and Michaela. Michaela didn't seem to mind but Sully's thoughts were elsewhere. The scent of Michaela lingered in his nostrils, teasing him. She would brush against him and his body would tingle all over as if every nerve in his body was excited all at once. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts continued to drift to the evening that still lay in front of them- an evening he wanted to be perfect. Somewhere in the pit of his stomach, he could feel a slight nervous tension. He knew the minute he was alone with her the tension would disappear and he wanted that more than anything right now.

Thankfully, Sully's impatience was not lost on everyone. Marjorie didn't bother waiting until the young woman currently talking to her sister finished; rather she cut in grabbing her sister's arm and directing her to the side. "Sorry, I need to talk to my sister," she said with a polite smile as she waved the woman away.

"Marjorie!" Michaela scolded. "That was rude."

"Rude, maybe but you will thank me later."

Michaela had a perturbed look on her face. "Why?"

Marjorie nodded her head toward Sully. "You see the way that your husband keeps shuffling his feet like he has ants in his pants?" Michaela furrowed her brow as she studied Sully's behavior. "He is ready to leave," Marjorie said impatiently at her sister's thick headedness

"But…" Michalea began to protest but then stopped. A look of understanding dawned on her face and her cheeks reddened. "I see," she said quietly pressing her lips together tightly.

Marjorie patted her shoulder in a motherly fashion. "I'll arrange everything." She kissed her sister on the cheek and then slipped away quietly before Michaela could miss her to arrange things for their departure.

Sully turned now and noticed his bride, cheeks aflame, watching him. She looked slightly uncomfortable but even the awkwardness on her face made her beautiful. He closed the distance between them in five quick steps and pressed against her side. Michaela found she couldn't look at him, wondering what was going through his mind. "You ready to go?" she asked.

"You?" Sully replied, not wanting to seem too anxious. Michaela nodded, finally raising her eyes to meet his. "Me too," he said with a smile. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth before taking her hand in his.

It was amazing how quickly Marjorie had worked. Already their guests were lined up waiting for them, the wagon hitched and ready to go. Rice rained down on them as they walked through the gauntlet of people, laughing and congratulating them but Michaela only had eyes for Sully. Suddenly she couldn't wait to be away from the crowd and to feel his arms around her.

Sully helped her into the wagon as rice continued to fall. She shook her head and heard the rice hit the floorboards. Sully practically ran around to the other side and jumped up beside her with a final wave to everyone. Michaela turned and watched the crowd as they rode out of town, waving at her family and friends until they were no longer in sight. Suddenly, the quiet seemed so big and she swallowed hard as she realized it was just the two of them.

"Whatcha thinkin'?" Sully asked as they rode, a knowing gleam in his eye.

Michaela smiled at him and blushed. "About today. I never dreamed it could be so wonderful."

"Is that all?" he asked the sides of his mouth curling into a devilish grin. Michaela shook her head and dropped her eyes to her lap. Sully took the reigns in one hand and brought the other hand around her back drawing her close. "Me too," he whispered against her ear.

Michaela shivered though the evening was warm. "Are you nervous?" Michaela asked not daring to raise her head.

"Not really," Sully replied. "You?" Michaela nodded her head then reached her hand around her side to hold onto Sully's. "Never thought this night would come," Sully said slowly.

"I know," Michaela sighed. "It's like all our lives we've been headed towards this day," she hesitated now. "It's taken us so long to get here, Sully. I can hardly believe it. I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Sully let out a soft laugh and pulled back on the reigns stopping the horses momentarily so that he could gather her completely in his arms. Michaela released his hand so that she could wrap his arms around him as well. "No, it's not a dream Michaela. It's real- very real." He leaned in and gently kissed her lips. She felt his warm breath on her cheek as he whispered, "We'll take everything nice and easy. No need to be nervous, Michaela – it's just me."

"I know," Michaela whispered as she relaxed into his embrace. "But you know how I am with new things," she said reveling in the feel of his body against hers.

"New," Sully chuckled. "New for me maybe- ya've already seen me naked."

"Sully," Michaela exclaimed pulling back a little. "That was a long time ago. I hardly remember..." she stopped now too embarrassed to go on.

"I reckon tonight will be a little refresher then," he smiled playfully pulling her close once more. Michaela initiated the kiss this time by lightly placing her lips against Sully's and letting her tongue run along his bottom lip. Sully couldn't resist darting his tongue out to meet hers and then deepening the kiss farther. Michaela pulled back suddenly. "Why did ya stop?" Sully asked a little frustrated at her sudden withdrawal.

"Mr. Sully I'm a little impatient to get home," she teased. Sully groaned while removing one of his hands from around her. He took up the reigns with his free hand.

"And what is so important about making it home Mrs. Sully?"

Michaela blushed again before turning and whispering in his ear. "It's been nearly twenty years since the last time I saw you naked, I really don't want to wait a second longer." Sully laughed but urged the horses on faster, anxious to spend the night loving his new bride. Before Michaela knew it they were home, the horses unhitched and Sully was standing in front of her on the porch.

"Ready?" he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Michaela felt her stomach tense as her nerves returned, all boldness from earlier gone. Sully lifted her chin and tried to read what she was thinking but Michaela's face was such a mixture that he wasn't sure what was going on. He wrapped one arm around her back and then dipped to hook her knees over his other arm. Michaela leaned forward slowly so as not to throw off Sully's balance and opened the door.

He set her down inside the door gently and kissed her forehead softly. She did not move out of his embrace or protest and so Sully dipped his head to kiss her lips. Michaela felt her stomach flip but she kissed him back wondering where her courage was hiding. The kisses were soft and Michaela relaxed into him trying to ignore her nerves. Sully pulled back and took her hand moving slowly toward the stairs. Michaela took a deep breath and moved with him, her stomach doing somersaults.

Sully swept her off her feet again to carry her into their bedroom. She was alright as long as she could feel the warmness in his arms but as soon as he left her to light the oil lamps and candles, the fear inside tripled. She stood frozen to the spot watching him. Sully returned to her and kissed her again but the kisses changed from downstairs. Now they were hard and deep, impatient almost. Michaela went limp and Sully pulled back. "You okay?"

"Just a little dizzy," she lied.

"Here, sit down." He walked her to the bed and Michaela sat taking deep gulps of air and willing herself to exhale slowly rather than hyperventilate.

Sully began to take off his shirt but then noticed that Michaela was trembling. Seeing the doubts on her face, Sully sat down beside her on the bed and leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips in order to reassure her. Michaela allowed the kiss to overtake the fear and the light kiss quickly became a heated one. Gently, Sully pulled her down onto the bed.

Michaela felt his hands on the back of her gown working on the buttons and involuntary her body tensed. Sully stopped suddenly, afraid he had frightened her by moving too fast. "Ya sure your okay?" he asked again pulling back slightly.

"I'm a little frightened," Michaela admitted as a deep blush settled on her cheeks.

"Of me?"

"No," Michaela breathed. "Of what we're about to do." Sully felt relief wash over him. He wasn't sure what he would have done if she had been frightened of him. "I've never.." her voice trailed off as her thoughts betrayed her. All she could think of suddenly was Sully and Abigail.

"I know," Sully said smiling at her, wondering why she felt the need to admit this now when he already knew. "It's new for both of us," he said softly bringing his hand up to gently stroke her cheek.

"For both of us?" she questioned, sitting up and looking at him strangely. It occurred to her then that they had never talked about his previous experience with Abigail. He didn't know that she knew. "Abigail told me, Sully," she whispered looking over at him.

"Told ya what?" he asked, confusion written on his face.

"About the two of you."

"I'm sorry Michaela, but I don't know what you're talkin' about."

"You don't have to lie to me Sully. I don't mind that this isn't your first time." She dropped her eyes as she spoke feeling her cheeks begin to grow warm. Gently she leaned over and touched his chest. "I think I'm a little relieved that one of us knows what we're doing." She tried to laugh but the sound was more like a squeak.

Sully sat up quickly taking Michaela's hand in his own. "Michaela I would never lie to ya. Abigail and me – we were never together like this."

Michaela's brow creased in consternation, as anger rose in her chest. Why was he lying to her - especially tonight of all nights? She pulled her hand away from his and rose from the bed walking over to her dresser. The knot in the pit of her stomach was making her feel nauseous.

Sully followed her, unsure why she was talking like this and worried that she had pulled away from him. "Michaela, you're the only one I've ever wanted."

"But I pushed you away. I forced you into someone else's arms." She turned to look at him and Sully was even more alarmed at the tortured look on her face. "I accepted that a long time ago. Really it doesn't matter to me." She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes and she hated the fact that they had never bothered to discuss this before. They certainly were making a mess of their first night together as man and wife.

"Michaela if you think Abigail and me… we never… this belongs inside of marriage."

Michaela felt her stomach lurch. She couldn't take anymore. "Stop!" she yelled taking him off guard. The shock and surprise on his face made her calm a little. "Please Sully, you don't have to pretend."

"I'm not pretending. Why won't ya believe me?"

"Because I know Sully."

"Ya know what?" he asked moving to touch her shoulder, confused by her behavior and her words.

"I know about the baby," she whispered.

"That was not my baby, Michaela!" His voice was loud and his tone insistent.

Michaela had a strange mix of confusion, anger and hurt on her face. "Then why were you marrying her Sully?"

"Michaela, we've been through this before." Sully sensed that the right words would disarm the situation but the truth was that now his own anger was piqued. He couldn't believe Michaela thought he would lie about being intimate with someone. "I ain't ever been with anyone. Not Abby or anyone else." With that he turned and was out the door before Michaela could stop him.

* * *

_I'm a little evil…..but I think you will forgive me after the next chapter._


	169. Chapter 169

Homecoming

Chapter 169

**The meadow**

No one would remember whose idea it had been. Hank would get the blame from some but in truth Marjorie was just as guilty. A group of men had snuck over to Hank's after the couple had left for a little whiskey. Now they were back, hanging out near the bridge. Hank and Jake were among them making vulgar comments about Sully and the doctor. Marjorie sauntered into their midst, a wide grin on her face.

"What's this I hear about shivaree?"

Hank looked the redhead up and down, undressing her with his eyes and grinning the entire time. "Just a little fun for the newlyweds." Hank raised his eyebrows as he spoke, a snicker escaping his lips.

"A serenade for the couple," Jake added with a laugh.

Marjorie narrowed her eyes. "A serenade?"

Jake laughed again. "With pots and pans. You know…. Disturb whatever might be going on."

This made Marjorie smile. "Sounds like fun." She turned back to the remaining wedding guests. "Who is up for a shivaree?" she yelled shocking the group of men standing there. The responses were numerous, those who lived in town running off to get pots and pans and whatever else they could use to make noise.

Rebecca did not think this was such a good idea. Michaela had been nervous enough about this night and now Marjorie was complicating issues. It appeared to be late to stop things though; horses and wagons were already appearing. She looked around instead for Colleen and Brian, determined to steer them to the clinic and away from this mess.

Colleen was talking animatedly with Beth each of them having procured some sort of pot lid and wooden spoon. Rebecca made her way quickly to them. "Girls you are not going."

"But why not?" Beth protested.

Rebecca's face was set. "This is for adults, not children."

Brian joined them at that instant, a look of confusion on his face. "Why is everyone going to see Ma and Sully? Uncle Will told me that they need privacy to make babies." This made the girls giggle and Rebecca blush.

"They do, Brian," Rebecca answered, her voice low and angry. "This is just an immature joke."

Marjorie walked by then, her face aglow with mischief. "Mama, can I please go?" Beth quickly asked, ignoring the look her aunt was giving her.

"No!" Marjorie's voice was firm. "You are all going to bed." She swept her arm to indicate Colleen and Brian as well. "Mary will take care of you all until we return."

"I'll not be going," Rebecca said in a superior tone. "I think this is very childish."

Marjorie shrugged her shoulders. "Suit yourself," she said skipping off to join the throng of people heading out of town.

* * *

**The homestead**

Sully sat in the dark living room stewing. As he descended the stairs, he had pulled the wedding shirt over his head and threw it into one of the wing back chairs near the fireplace. He cursed under his breath, wishing he had never gotten involved with Abby. This was exactly the sort of thing that Cloud Dancing had warned them about. Here, they were not married more than six hours and already the past was interfering.

In their bedroom above, Michaela was pacing. She had loosed the bodice of her wedding dress, tired of the binding feeling it created in her mid section. For a moment, the thought of Sully slipping it off of her took over and she exhaled loudly, angry with herself for bringing up Abby in the first place. It didn't take long to step out of the dress and lay it across the chest at the end of their bed. Her underpinnings joined the pile until she was shivering in the cool air of the bedroom.

Perhaps if she went to Sully like this, she thought to herself, he would forgive her. She laughed at herself, knowing she was nowhere near bold enough to do that. Instead she located the gown and robe that her mother had sent. She pulled the silky material over her head and let it fall onto her shoulders. It felt good against her skin and she turned to admire herself in the vanity mirror, surprised at how the loose fabric seemed to hug every curve of her body. She could do this, she told herself. She had to do this. Michaela grabbed the robe off the bed and put it on. She took a deep breath and reached for the bedroom door handle.

Sully was already at the bottom of the stairs, hand on the banister ready to head up when the noise began. At first he did not understand what it was. He crossed quickly to the window, his form unperceivable in the darkened room. The moon was bright though and it illuminated the faces of those moving towards the house. Sully chuckled to himself as they started to bang on the pots and pans thinking they were disturbing something. He crossed back to the stairs wanting to see his bride more than anything at that moment.

Michaela walked to the top of the stairs, the silk of the exquisite gown clinging to each curve of her body. She didn't know that Sully stood at the bottom of the stairs contemplating whether to go to her. Yet when she arrived at her destination, she caught sight of him – shirtless, alone in the moonlight.

Sully looked up when he heard the soft rustle from above, his breath catching in his throat at what he saw. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Sully lowered his to take in the fullness of her form. "Michaeala?" he asked, his voice tentative.

Hearing him speak her name aloud was her undoing. Slowly she began to walk down the stairs moving ever closer to where he stood. The din from outside grew louder momentarily making her smile. "They think…."

"I know," Sully whispered as she stopped two steps shy of him. The edge of his lips curled. "It's funny, isn't it?"

Michaela blushed. "Why are they doing that?"

"Shivaree - it's an old tradition. They think it's funny to keep newlyweds apart on their wedding night."

"Hmm.. guess they didn't know we could handle that part ourselves," Michaela laughed, finding the whole situation rather ironic. Sully joined in with her laughter until they were both rather breathless. The anger and tension of earlier broke, both embarrassed about their earlier behavior. He looked up at her questioningly before taking one step up so that now her face was only inches above his. One hand went to her waist where his fingers ran over the smoothness of the material making Michaela shiver in anticipation. "Mr. Sully," she whispered, suddenly feeling herself lost in the blue of his eyes.

"Yes?" His voice had changed slightly and she recognized the desire in his tone.

"Our bedroom… is lonely without you," she teased. Sully chuckled and with one motion, he swept her up in his arms. Michaela encircled his neck as he began to ascend the stairs.

"Our bedroom," he repeated as the two words went from being some foreign notion to reality. He had forgotten about their earlier words and the noise outside, his physical need being greater but Michaela had not.

"I don't care about Abby," Michaela said as he set her down outside of their bedroom door.

"'Chaela." His tone was exasperated but he tried to cover it quickly. "Abby was raped or at least I thought she was. I was marrying her cause I felt bad for her."

Michaela smiled and nodded. "Always honorable," she murmured entwining her fingers in the hair on the nape of Sully's neck.

"No," Sully sighed, his eyes looking elsewhere momentarily. "I couldn't go through with it. Ruined that girl's life I suppose."

"Sully, you can't blame yourself." Michaela was rubbing his bare back, unaware of the flame she was igniting in him.

Sully looked at her. "I don't want to think about her tonight. I never wanted her like I want you."

Michaela blushed making Sully smile. He dipped down to kiss her but Michaela tensed. "Could we get rid of our guests?" she asked bashfully as the noise continued from outside.

"Give me one second." Sully moved like lightening then. She heard the front door open and close, then Sully's voice. She could not make out though what he was saying. It seemed like only a second before he was bounding back up the stairs and it made Michaela chuckle to see how eager he was.

"All gone," he said breathing hard as he opened the bedroom door for her. Michaela entered and Sully closed the door behind them, hoping that he had chased their unwanted guests away for good. He turned just in time to see Michaela try to hide a yawn. "If you're tired…" The words caught in his throat. He felt as if he had waited forever to consummate their love but he wasn't going to push her. He wanted this to be perfect.

"It's been a long day," she conceded. "But I've got the next couple of days off." A wide smile spread over her lips and a soft blush filled her cheeks.

Sully lifted his hand to caress her face as he unconsciously licked his top lip. The motion was not lost on Michaela. She swallowed hard and turned away from him to the vanity. "I need to undo my hair," she said, her voice quivering slightly with nerves. She turned back to look at Sully who stood bare-chested in just his dress pants and shoes. "If you want to get ready for bed…." Her voice trailed off as she turned back to the mirror to continue her work.

Michaela wasn't sure what getting ready for bed entailed for Sully but she certainly thought it would take him longer than it did. Within moments he stood behind her pressing his hot lips to the back of her neck. Michaela shivered but let him help as his fingers delved into the curls to find the pins that held them in place. It was only when she looked back in the mirror that she realized Sully was nude. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and sucked in sharply.

"So beautiful," he whispered as the curls began to tumble down her back. Michaela slowly removed the last pins, scared to turn around yet curious at the same time. It was Sully's gentle hands on her shoulders that made her tense. "You okay?" he asked, stopping his movements.

"I…I…I," she stuttered.

Sully pulled her back against him. "Sh," he whispered against her ear. "Only when you're ready."

With a shaky breath, Michaela let the robe fall. Sully's hand trailed along her bare left arm and she shivered. He lowered his head and began to place kisses along her right shoulder, his eyes watching her face in the mirror. When he moved to the left side, he realized her eyes were watching him just as intently. As he finished kissing the left shoulder, he hooked a finger into the strap of her gown and gently edged it down. Michaela was trembling though and Sully stopped.

Anticipating his question, Michaela explained, "It's chilly in here."

There were no words from Sully but he went to the fireplace where Michaela noticed a fire had already been laid. It was hard to believe they were lighting a fire in August but they were. The flames caught quickly and it wasn't long until they were leaping up, casting long shadows about the room. Sully crossed to the vanity and turned off the oil lamp. He then went back to the bed and lowered the wick on the one on the bedside table. The candlelight and fire were much softer. He wanted to see his wife but he wanted this to be comfortable for her. He hoped the softer light might help.

Michaela, who had secretly watched her husband's naked form, had trouble meeting his eyes when he returned. "'Chaela." Sully's breath tickled her earlobe and it made her gasp in anticipation. She did not stiffen this time when she felt his thumbs slip under the straps of her gown. She did not protest when he began to lower them. She lifted one arm and then the other out of the straps and then helped Sully to shimmy it to the floor where she stepped out of it.

She was not brave enough to lift her head. "So beautiful," he breathed out again as she felt his hand stroke her side softly. A pulse of electricity ran through her as his hand brushed her breast. She lifted her head and their eyes met. Her lips were so inviting that he couldn't resist crushing himself against them and was pleased with the insistent pressure of her own kisses. Their forms were not quite touching and Sully knew that his arousal would soon be obvious to his bride therefore he grabbed her shoulders to hold her at a slight distance. Michaela stumbled forward though and Sully groaned loudly as she brushed against him. He covered it with another kiss, now slowly walking her to the bed as their lips met again and again.

The moon was full and cast a beautiful soft glow on their bed as Michaela lay back into the silvery light. Sully moved to the other side to lie beside her. The kissing began again, his hand softly stroking her side down to her hip. Here he stopped and found the indent where her thigh joined her torso and he let his fingers trace the shape softly. The sparks that Michaela felt earlier were burning bright now, glowing hot in the dark night. There was a warmth that did not come from the fire or from Sully, rather it radiated from her.

An awkwardness clung to their movements, both anticipating what was to come but unsure how to progress forward. Sully pulled back from her to see her face. It was glowing. "Can I touch you?" he whispered. Michaela nodded her permission before his hands cupped her breasts, his mouth reaching down to place a soft kiss to the valley between.

Michaela lifted her own hand and began to stroke his side as he had done earlier. She knew the mechanics of sex and while she had not lied to her sister's about seeing the male anatomy, she had not been fully honest. The man had been dead at the time, nothing like the man she was currently touching. Her stroking became more insistent, her hand going further down each time until it just brushed against Sully and she pulled back too quickly for Sully's liking.

Sully moved over top of her now, parting her legs to bring them together. His weight rested on his forearms as he began to move slowly. Michaela stifled a laugh and Sully mistook it for a sign she was uncomfortable. "Am I hurting you?"

"Umm…. That's not me," she said not wanting to hurt his feelings. "That's the bed." Sully laughed now too and let himself fall against her. Michaela enjoyed the feel of his weight on her and began to stroke his hair, while they laughed. She felt Sully shake his head against her.

"I hope this shows ya, I don't have any experience at this."

Michaela laughed again and then they were kissing once more. This time they did not remain stationary but rolled back and forth in the bed with legs and arms entwined, both allowing their hands to roam; the tension broken by their earlier laughter.

When Sully parted her legs this time, Michaela did something she never thought she could do. She guided him inside of her. There was pain and a fullness she had never known but it was not completely unpleasant. Sully moved slowly. Michaela's heart raced her legs curling up around his bottom helping him to enter her fully.

Sully held his breath, his face trying hard to read Michaela's. This was more amazing than he could have ever imagined. Michaela's face was flushed, her body reacting to his every move. Her hands were no longer on his back but gripping the quilt beneath them. Sully loved the way her legs hugged him and it helped him to keep the rhythm slow, though he could not delay his climax.

Michaela felt his body tense and an unmistakable jerking inside that thrilled her before she felt his warmth. Sully lay with his head on her stomach afterwards, his fingers stroking her skin, her fingers entwined in his hair.

"You okay?" The question sounded stupid to Sully but he didn't know any other way to ask.

"Yes," she whispered absent mindedly.

"I didn't hurt you?"

Michaela hesitated. There had been some pain and even now she was a bit sore but she didn't care about either. There was a pulsing inside of her, a yet unfulfilled desire. She didn't know what it was but it made the pain seem inconsequential. It made her want to do it all over again. "I don't know how to explain it," she finally said. Sully raised his head. She could just make out his eyes and could read the question in them. "It hurt and it was wonderful… and…" She took a deep breath. "It's like I've been waiting for this moment my whole life."

Sully pulled up to lie beside her. He held up his hand and Michaela matched her fingers to his so that they lay flush against one another. "I love you so much." His words were deliciously slow and sensual.

Michaela let his words wash over her in waves. Sully's eyes closed and Michaela knew he would be asleep soon. She wasn't sure that she had ever seen him look so at peace. "I love you too," she whispered. Sully smiled and removed his hand from hers but only to wrap it around her waist. Michaela wasn't sure she could sleep this way but that didn't matter. Right now sleep was the farthest thing from her mind.

* * *

_Evilness over…_


	170. Chapter 170

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 170**

**Homestead – Colorado Springs – August 5, 1866**

Michaela's eyelids fluttered open as the coolness hit her warm skin. "Sully?" she called, her voice still heavy with sleep. Sully couldn't believe she had missed his presence that quickly. He had only left the bed a moment ago and now stood trying to decide whether to pull on his pants before adding a log to the fire. Stretching her arm above her head, Michaela turned to look up at him. "Where are you going?" she asked in the midst of a yawn.

"It's chilly in here. Thought I'd put another log on the fire." Michaela nodded and then watched him walk across to the fireplace, overwhelmed by the myriad of emotions she experienced. All the events of the day came rushing back reminding her that it was real now; she was his wife. Everything was new yet at the same time it felt as if they had always been together like this. His outline by the fire caught her attention and the color on her cheeks heightened as she let her eyes settle on his bare backside. He turned and Michaela raised her eyes embarrassed that he might have seen her looking. She couldn't make out his eyes in the dark but that didn't matter. Michaela felt riveted by his gaze, sensing rather than seeing.

Sully was in fact watching her, unaware that she was still awake. Having rebuilt the fire, he had turned to make out her form – waves of euphoria washing over him as he realized never again would they be apart. Sleep had come quickly once Michaela had settled against him but now sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. Stepping closer to the bed, he noticed the silk gown on the floor beside his discarded pants. A wide grin came to his face and he wondered if she had enjoyed their first intimacy as much as he had. John had told him women often found it painful at first. The thought of her discomfort caused him to look back at the bed, wanting to assure she was resting peacefully. The sight of her curled up on her side, her hair splayed across the pillow and the blanket just covering her breasts made his body react. Taking deep breaths, he willed himself to calm down. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her or make her think he expected more. It had only been a few hours at most; he would simply have to wait.

Edging around the bed, he slipped under the covers keeping his distance from Michaela so that she wouldn't perceive his condition or enflame him further. Michaela was still awake though and she felt the dip of the bed. She moved slightly, wishing to be pressed against him once again. When Sully didn't turn towards her, she scooted backwards until her skin came into contact with his warm flesh. "Hold me," she whispered, reaching back to draw his arm around her.

Sully took a deep breath, knowing that he needed to turn onto his side to wrap his arm around her but she would know then. With an uneasy sigh, he turned drawing her close. His arousal brushed against the small of her back and Michaela shivered as a jolt of electricity surged through her. The feeling of yet unfulfilled desire returned from earlier.

"I don't want… You don't..." Sully tried to explain but the words stuck in his throat. It didn't matter though because Michaela was already turning towards him, seeking his lips with her own. The kiss was deep and beautiful. Sweetness clung to them as they broke apart. Sully looked down to find Michaela's eyes still closed. Then he felt her press against him completely relaxed in his embrace. "Are ya sure … it ain't too soon?" His voice was husky as he spoke and the words rippled through Michaela as a new sensation began to gather around her midsection.

"Not too soon," she replied breathlessly moving closer to meld their bodies as one, uncertain of what was coming over her.

This time was less awkward for both of them, though still somewhat painful for Michaela. Only that pain was completely forgotten as Sully whispered her name against her ear. His tongue snaked out and began to tickle her earlobe. His breaths came in soft pants and Michaela pushed against him unsure whether the sensation at her earlobe or midsection was more incessant. Her legs began to tremble and an expectancy like a sneeze about to occur was gathering inside of her. Yet this was so much more. Sully lifted his head and kissed her mouth, sucking her bottom lip between his teeth before moving away from her. Michaela felt him shiver in pleasure and she cried out in spite of herself.

Sully pulled himself off of her quickly. Michaela's mouth was open, her eyes squeezed closed as waves of satisfaction cascaded over her. "I'm so sorry," he said, one hand covering his eyes to hide his shame. The other hand rested against her stomach. "Can I do anything?"

Michaela was having a hard time making sense of what was going on. She only knew she was missing Sully's weight and warmth. "What?" she asked turning into him, her body still quivering with pleasure.

"Are you okay?" He stroked her cheek tenderly. "I am so sorry."

Michaela didn't know what to say. The warmth radiating from her cheeks let her know that she was blushing something fierce. She felt guilty for not pulling Sully out of his misery but to be honest she did not know what to say. The unfulfilled desire from earlier was quenched now and she wanted to go back to sleep. "Sully," she began, "that was…." The words would not come.

"Horrible, I know," he said. "Oh Michaela."

"Wonderful," she amended and closed her eyes. "I think that is what my sisters meant about enjoying it."

Sully was still looking at her questioningly but Michaela's voice was dreamy, her eyes remaining firmly shut. He let her words run through his mind again and he finally realized what had occurred. He relaxed, a grin spreading across his face as she snuggled against him. Marriage definitely suited him.

* * *

**Colorado Springs – August 5, 1866**

The morning sun rose and continued its climb into the sky while the newlyweds slept. The rest of the town was awake though; the majority on their way to church more concerned with the events of the day before than worship. They gathered before church, whispering over the backs of pews to talk about the wedding one more time. Some were remembering the bride's dress or the groom's Indian wedding shirt, others were talking about the food or dancing. After church, it was more of the same as families spread their picnic blankets in the meadow. Women quickly laid out Sunday dinner so that they could return to earlier conversations. It was one more chance to escape their ordinary lives and they took full advantage of it. Men stood in clusters making veiled references to what the newlyweds were currently up to.

Grace had invited Michaela's family to join them for lunch and so they sat on several blankets under the shade of a grove of cedars at the edge of the gathering. Will and Robert E were talking politics off to the side while the children had run off to play, abandoning half eaten plates. The women let them be; they were too engrossed in their own conversations to care.

"I hope we prepared her," Rebecca said, worrying like a true mother hen about her baby sister.

Grace laughed. "Is that possible? I certainly wasn't prepared."

Marjorie nodded as she took a sip of her lemonade before joining in. "She's fine. I'm sure Sully took good care of her." She raised her eyebrows as she spoke, her reference not lost on anyone seated there.

"Marjorie," Rebecca chided halfheartedly trying to suppress a smile. "I just mean that I hope that they have enjoyed each other." This didn't come out right and now they all three were laughing at Rebecca's gaffe.

"Besides," Marjorie began, "they've been sneaking off to kiss since they were kids. It's not like they aren't familiar with each other."

"She's right," Grace chimed in. "Some women barely even know their husbands 'fore they find themselves in bed on their wedding night. And some men you know aren't gonna be gentle."

"That's the truth." Marjorie looked down as she spoke, a shadow quickly passing over her face. When she looked up again, it was gone. "Sully's been awful patient with her all these years. I'm sure he was last night as well." A mischievous grin spread over her face. "Who knows, maybe they are already at it again?" They all laughed loud enough that the men looked over at them which quieted them almost instantly.

"I doubt that," Rebecca said dismissively remembering how sore she was after her first time. "Sully is very patient and I am sure he is being a perfect gentleman."

"Depends on your definition of gentleman." The gruff voice cut through the noon air making them all look up quickly. The barkeep stood there, hands in pockets with a sly look on his face.

"Hank," Grace warned. "What are you doing here?" Annoyance was conveyed with every word.

"Well, I'd love to eavesdrop on this conversation a little longer. I got a feeling ya were just gettin' to the good part but we got a problem."

"A problem?" Rebecca shaded her eyes from the sun as she tried to look up at Hank.

The barkeep had the attention of Robert E and Will now too. "Posse rode into town a few minutes ago. Been pursuing some bank robbers out of Soda Springs. There was some kind of shoot out and we got several injured."

Will rose. "I'll get my bag if you want to bring them to the clinic."

Hank nodded and continued. "I hate to tell ya this but I think you're gonna need Michaela too. There's at least four- two pretty bad."

Will looked down at his wife and sister-in-law and swallowed hard. This was the last thing he wanted to do and from the expression on their faces, they felt the same. "I'll ride out there," Robert E said. "Let the doc know." The words had no joy in them and everyone felt a little relieved that they weren't going to have to go.

* * *

Sully was enjoying watching his bride sleep. He knew it was late without even turning over to look at the sun. The hunger pains in his stomach told him it was probably close to lunchtime but he ignored them, preferring the sight before him to food. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow, the sun highlighting the golden strands mixed in with the dark ones. Michaela's face was relaxed and even in her sleep it looked like she was smiling. He had been unsure if she would remain unclothed throughout the night. It would not have surprised him if he had awoken to find she'd replaced her gown. Yet it thrilled him when he realized that she had not.

It wasn't just the fact that she had chosen to stay nude that had him so enthralled though. He still could not shake the memories of their second love making and the way she'd clung to him. Just thinking about her crying out made his body react and it didn't help that her hand was resting in a precarious position. Sully had imagined their wedding night many times but the reality of it was better than anything he had ever dreamed. He sighed contentedly as Michaela began to stir.

Sully quickly assessed the situation and decided to feign sleep. He knew Michaela well enough to know she would not feel the same boldness in the bright light of day. Willing himself to calm, he took deep slow breaths as if he were still asleep. With each breath, he forced his thoughts away from the beautiful woman at his side, not wanting to add to her discomfort in anyway.

Slowly Michaela opened her eyes, feeling Sully's warm breath lightly moving her hair. Turning her head to the side, she watched as Sully rested peacefully on his stomach, his right arm thrown out to the side and his left arm draped over her while his hand gently cupped her breast. Love surged through her as she became aware of Sully's leg casually hooked over her own and her left hand resting on his thigh. She bit her bottom lip as the memories of the previous night's magic washed over her. Lightly she ran her right hand up the side of her body, marveling at the sensations Sully had awakened in her the night before. The blanket had shifted during the night and Michaela slowly became aware that her upper body was partially exposed. Hastily she pulled the blanket up as she felt Sully stir beside her. Remembering where her hand rested caused a light blush to creep onto her cheeks, still her hand remained in the same place.

"Mornin'," whispered Sully softly stroking the delicate skin just below her breasts.

"Good morning," Michaela replied nervously biting her bottom lip.

"How long have ya been awake?" Sully asked intrigued by the innocent look that played across Michaela's face and the feel of her hand which had unconsciously began kneading his thigh.

"Just a little while," Michaela said turning her face to see him better.

"Whatcha been doin' for that little while?"

"Waiting," she answered.

"Waiting for what?" Sully raised his eyebrows at her questioningly but almost instantly regretted the question.

"Well," Michaela sighed turning a deeper shade of red. "I...was..waiting for you," she said slowly.

"Hey," he said gently moving his hand up to cup her cheek. "Remember, what I told you a long time ago." Michaela smiled and nodded as she thought back. "We've waited too long Michaela. No more waiting, okay?" he whispered. She nodded shyly. He gave her a wink before leaning down to claim her lips with his own.

The kiss was just turning heated when Sully heard the knock at the door. He drew back quickly, his forehead wrinkling with annoyance. "Sully?"

"Was that a knock?"

Michaela shrugged but clutched at the sheet. "I didn't hear anything," she said just as the knock repeated.

Sully exhaled heavily. "If this is some joke…." He didn't finish his sentence but Michaela could tell he was not happy. She pulled the sheet further over her body as he stood. Her cheeks reddened as his bare backside came into view and her breath caught in her throat. He pulled on the discarded wedding pants in one quick motion, buttoning them as he turned the corner of the bed. "I'll be right back," he promised leaning down and placing a soft kiss to her forehead. "Unless I have to kill somebody."

Michaela chuckled and then stretched lazily. Her curiosity was piqued but it competed with the millions of other thoughts running through her mind. The white gown her mother had chosen especially for her wedding night lay crumpled on the floor. Seeing it there reminded Michaela of the feeling of Sully's hands on her skin. Just that thought elicited goose bumps up and down her arms.

Suddenly she felt exposed. The sheet covered her completely but it wasn't enough. Doubts clouded her mind and as hard as she tried to push them away, she could not help but feel guilty for her boldness the night before. She moved quickly to throw off the sheet and make a move for her gown and then her robe. She was just tying the robe when the bedroom door burst open startling her.

"Might as well get dressed," Sully said begrudgingly. Michaela looked at him questioningly, trying to ignore the fact that he was shirtless. "They need ya in town."

"But Will…."

Sully cut her off. "They got several injured men… something about some bank robbers."

Michaela could hear the frustration in his voice and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Sully," she said softly, gently touching his arm. "I'm sorry."

"It ain't your fault." He smiled for the first time since hearing the knock. "Guess we can't stay in bed all day."

Michaela's cheeks grew hot. "Sully," she chided quietly.

Sully didn't know Michaela's discomfort she'd felt only a few minutes earlier. He only remembered the woman who had enchanted him the night before and how much he wanted her at this very moment. "I know," he whispered. "We got our whole lives." But that didn't change the fact that it was going to be a very long day.

* * *

_Sorry it's been too long. School started back with me teaching a new grade so I've been sort of swamped. Hope I'll be able to eek out more time this week!_


	171. Chapter 171

**Homecoming**

**Chapter 171  
**

**Colorado Springs, Colorado  
**

Sully sat with his chin tucked into his chest, his eyes closed as he tried to sleep. The bench outside of the clinic was not the ideal spot for this but he had wanted to stay close to Michaela. He knew she was fine but he felt so protective of her now. Sully wasn't sure why but somehow their physical intimacy had translated into this feeling. They were one now and he didn't want anything to separate them.

Across the street Hank stepped out on the porch of the saloon with Jake right behind him. He was checking to see if there was an update on the condition of the men but the sight of Sully gave him a better idea. He hit Jake on the arm and nodded his head in Sully's direction as he mouthed the words, "Watch this."

"Tired, Sully?" Hank's voice was loud and carried across the street. Several bystanders turned to look at the mountain man resting on the clinic bench.

Sully raised his head slowly, an annoyed look on his face. "Just restin'," he called back, tucking his head back against his chest.

"Musta been good to be that tired." Hank's mouth twisted into a smirk as he spoke and Jake chuckled.

Sully ignored the comment and closed his eyes unaware that Marjorie was returning from the mercantile and had just reached the porch of the clinic.

It was Jake's turn now. "I don't know Hank. He ain't sayin' much. Bet he didn't even get any." He laughed to himself as he spoke and slapped Hank on the back. "I told you the doc was a prude."

Sully clenched his fists in anger and swallowed hard. He knew getting angry would only fuel them more but it was hard to remain quiet. This was none of their business and they had no right to talk about any of it.

There was no reason for Sully to worry though. Marjorie stood by the bench now, her shadow falling over Sully as he again opened his eyes. He looked up just in time to see the redhead step back off the edge of the porch. "Leave him alone," she said in a low stern voice definitely meant to be a warning.

"Oh, come on Marjorie." Hank raised his eyebrows suggestively at the redhead. "We're just havin' a little fun." He paused for a moment expecting Marjorie to smile but she did not. Hank shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for wantin' the details. The docs quite a prize."

Marjorie didn't hold back now but crossed the street quickly, her cheeks reddening as she went. "Look here Hank Lawson," she was yelling and poking her finger into his chest as she spoke. "You will not speak of my sister as if she were chattel. Sully is a gentleman unlike you."

"Ain't never had any complaints," Hank said smugly.

Marjorie laughed until her whole body was shaking. "That's a good one Hank."

Jake stuck his head around Hank's shoulder trying to act as if he was Hank's bodyguard. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Marjorie narrowed her eyes, meeting the barkeep's gaze. "I've seen the way you look at her." The smile became a smirk as she spoke. "You wish you were Sully."

Hank let out a low whistle and pursed his lips. He looked over Marjorie's head off into the distance as if he was truly considering Marjorie's words. Marjorie watched as the smile formed on his lips. "Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "Too bossy for me."

Marjorie smiled and gave a little nod of her head in agreement with his words. It was a truce. Hank was going to stop and Marjorie was going to leave that whole subject alone; she could tell she'd touched a nerve. She turned and smiled at Sully as she crossed back over to the clinic.

"Thanks," he said with a smile.

Marjorie simply shrugged. "No problem. If anyone is going to give you two a hard time, it's going to be me."

Sully nodded. "Fair enough."

"Now move over," she said plopping down on the bench next to him.

* * *

Michaela closed her eyes as she reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped to rest for a moment. Sully would be back soon – he had taken the wagon to help settle part of her family at the old homestead since the rooms upstairs in the clinic were in use now. She looked down at her blood streaked apron and sighed. This was not how she had envisioned spending the first day of their honeymoon.

She could still hear William moving about upstairs. Michaela was thankful for his presence. As bad as it had been to spend today operating on wounded men, it would have been worse if she'd been alone. Right now, she would be the one who would keep vigil through the night. She felt a little guilty leaving him alone but William had assured her that he would be fine. He felt bad that they'd interrupted the newlyweds at all.

She opened the door into her exam room and took a deep breath. First things first, she thought to herself and she set about cleaning herself up the best she could. A warm bath would be heavenly right now but she didn't even want to think about the work of bringing the tub into the house and heating the water. She'd been on her own for so long that she didn't even consider that Sully might take care of these things for her.

Instead she settled for washing her face in the basin with some lukewarm water. Underneath her apron, her dress was still clean which made her smile. She reached her hands up to her hair to figure out if it was a mess and realized how stiff her neck was. Her first thought were of Sully's hands, firm and strong, working the knots out of her neck and upper back. Michaela closed her eyes and shivered as she thought about his hands on her bare skin. Flashes of the night before were returning to her now and her pulse naturally quickened.

The opening of the clinic door startled her and she turned quickly with a wicked blush on her cheeks. Sully stood there looking at her as if he could read each and every thought. "You ready?" he said, his voice low and gruff. Michaela nodded, finding words difficult at the moment. She turned to pick up her medical bag but Sully beat her to it before wrapping his free hand around her waist. "You okay?"

"It's just been a long day," she said shyly.

Sully nodded in understanding. "I'm gonna take care of that."

Michaela looked at him quizzically but said nothing. The feelings inside of her were conflicted. She had enjoyed every moment of last night. She had never imagined how gentle and soft Sully's hands would feel against her bare skin. Never would she have thought that a man's weight resting on top of you would be so comforting. Nothing anyone had ever told her or anything that she'd ever read had prepared her for the multitude of feelings last night had awakened in her.

On the other hand, she could not shake her doubts about last night either. Had she been too bold? Did Sully enjoy their night of lovemaking as much as she had? Was it even right to ask him such a question? She knew what her mother's answer would have been. It wasn't that Michaela wanted to put stock into Elizabeth's opinions but she felt she couldn't ignore them either. After all her mother did have a lifetime of experience that Michaela lacked.

These were the thoughts that plagued her as they rode out to the homestead. She was quiet, settled up against Sully's side as she played nervously with her hands. Sully could tell she was agitated over something but he decided it best not to pry just yet. He, too, had learned a lot in the one night they had spent together as husband and wife. Already, he knew their bedroom would be a sort of sanctuary for them and he wanted to shut out the world before he pried into hers.

Grace had packed them a picnic basket for dinner and so there was nothing Michaela had to do when they arrived home. Sully told her he'd be inside after unhitching the horses and so Michaela busied herself with setting out the food from Grace. She turned when she heard the door open and saw Sully standing there with the copper tub from the barn.

"Oh Sully," she said clasping her hands together. "Let me help."

Sully shook his head. "I got it." He set it up in the kitchen and immediately stoked up the stove to begin heating water. Michaela stood against the counter watching him, a smile plastered on her face. "This is gonna take a little bit. Why don't ya eat something."

It wasn't a question but rather a suggestion. Michaela touched her stomach as she realized that she was in fact starving. Suddenly she was ravenous and she reached for a piece of chicken and took a bite before even answering Sully. Sully watched her lovingly but it made Michaela uncomfortable.

She covered her mouth as she swallowed her fourth bite. "Don't watch me," she said quietly dropping her eyes.

"Why?"

"Because…" She shook her head, unsure how to explain it. "I'm making a pig of myself. My mother said it wasn't ladylike to eat around boys."

Sully laughed. "Well there are a lot of things your mother told you that you can pay no attention to. Boys happen to like a girl with a healthy appetite."

Michaela smiled but then blushed. It was clear Sully was not just talking about an appetite for food. Thoughts of the night before flooded back and she felt embarrassed. To cover her embarrassment she kept eating, finishing her chicken leg before reaching for a sliced tomato.

As she ate, Sully worked and it felt like only moments until the bath was ready. Michaela could see a little steam as Sully added some cooler water from the pump and then tested the temperature. "You ready? Or you gonna keep making a pig of yourself?" He raised his eyebrow at her as he teased.

"Sully!" Michaela scolded playfully. She smiled and dipped her head demurely. "Thank you. I can't tell you how much this means to me." She stood and moved towards him making Sully's pulse race.

He cleared his throat and tried to clear his mind but it wasn't working. Sully was hungry and the smell of the food was teasing him terribly but the sight of his wife, the thought of her undressing was pushing all thoughts of food away. This was a hunger too, he thought to himself- one he wasn't sure could ever be completely sated or at least he hoped not.

Michaela was working out her own dilemma. Sully had now seen every part of her the night before. Yet the thought of being bold enough to start undressing right here in the middle of the kitchen with the vestiges of a late summer sun still peeking in through the windows was unnerving her. She raised a hand to the top button of her shirt and fumbled around as if she were a toddler trying to undo a button for the first time.

Sully stepped around the tub, turning his back to her and his mind to the food. He could read the discomfort on her face. As much as he didn't want to see it there, he understood that it was going to take time for her to feel as free as he already did. He kept his back to her until he heard her settle in the water for which Michaela was grateful. Only then, did he lean back against the counter eating a piece of chicken and watching his wife enjoy the water. Slow and easy he thought to himself, though his body seemed to have a mind of its own.

Michaela blushed when Sully leaned back but she didn't feel as uncomfortable as she had feared. The room was darkening quickly now as the sun kissed the horizon goodnight. The warmth of the water and the low light helped her to relax. When Sully went to get an oil lamp and towel for her, Michaela sat up and scrubbed herself with the soap and then leaned back to rinse herself off. When Sully returned, he knelt down at the edge of the tub.

"Want me to rub your shoulders?"

Michaela froze for a moment and took a deep breath. "Alright," she whispered and then pushed up a little bit in the tub so that her shoulders were above the water line. When she first felt Sully's hands on her neck, she tensed but then immediately relaxed as his fingers began to work out the knots from her day's labor. Unconsciously, she sat forward willing Sully's hands to move further down her back. Her shoulders rounded more and her head dropped lower until she raised her knees and rested her forehead against them. Sully's hands moved in circles, pressing hard over the muscles with his thumbs before using the palm of his hand to soothe the soreness away. Michaela didn't even notice as his hands slipped below the water and began to work on her lower back. Her eyes were closed, her breathing calm and even as Sully massaged away the day.

When he stopped, she looked up and saw him with the towel, holding it open for her. Michaela cast her eyes downward and then pushed off on the sides of the tub as the water cascaded off her body. The towel was large and soft – it was part of a wedding gift from Marjorie. Michaela was glad for the way it covered her and she held it tightly around her body as she stepped out of the bath.

Sully was already moving to the side, pulling his shirt over his head. "Why don't you go get ready for bed and I'll be up in a minute?" He put the shirt over the back of the chair and then sat down to work on his boots. Michaela stood there awkwardly staring. "Michaela?"

She shook her head to wake herself up. "Yes," she said breathlessly. "Get ready for bed." Sully was standing and pulling on his waist band. Michaela followed his pants to the floor and then sucked in sharply as she took in his whole form. It was a very brief moment but Michaela couldn't help it. She had to look and memorize all of those secret places she'd been introduced to the night before. Finally, she made herself turn away, missing the look of amusement on Sully's face.

"I'll be up in a minute," he reassured her.

She could hear him getting into the bath as she moved soundlessly up the stairs, all the time her thoughts returning to going back to the kitchen. Doubts assailed her and wrestled with these strange desires. What if Sully thought she was too bold? Were women supposed to want to look at a naked man? But it wasn't just any naked man – it was Sully, her Sully. He would be up soon she told herself as she opened their bedroom door.

The first thing she did was put on a gown and then sat at the vanity to brush out her hair. She caught little bits of sound from below and knew Sully was finishing up. Michaela stood and moved towards the bed, slipping beneath the covers. The sheets felt cool and refreshing and she thought about shedding the gown. Her eyes felt heavy, her muscles relaxed.

Sully grabbed a bucket and began to empty the tub, his thoughts going constantly to Michaela. When most of the water was out, he decided to let the tub sit for the night and he would put it up in the morning. He took the stairs two at a time, anticipating what was to come.

When Sully opened the bedroom door he was unclothed, his towel in his hands rather than wrapped around his body. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find but he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed with the sight that greeted him. He crossed to his side of the bed, and turned off the oil lamp. Perhaps her eyes were simply closed. The bed dipped as he sat down, the covers rustling as he climbed under to be closer to her. Leaning over, he placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Good night," he whispered hoping she would awaken. Michaela never heard him, her breathing now deep and even. Sully quelled his own desire and ran a hand lovingly down her arm. "Sweet dreams," he whispered and closed his own eyes hoping morning would come quickly.

* * *

_Hope you enjoy!_


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